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alpydk · 14 days

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The Circling Sky (Part 2)

New fic, a lot darker than the last one. Set post-Netherbrain. Gale x F (OC) - Written primarily as my own therapy, it seems. TW - Reference to a suicide attempt as well as the overall theme of alcoholism and neglectful parenting.

He packed a small bag of clothes and supplies, thankful for his earlier time on the road for these new skills of survival. Though he was anxious for what was to come, a part of him was excited to be moving again, to see what types of people would be awaiting him this time. He left a small letter of explanation for Tara and as the sun rose, he left for the city limits.

Ao3 Link

Lissa had run home through the rain to find her father quickly packing essentials into a trunk. This happened every so often, usually when he owed money to someone and couldn’t pay up, but since reaching Waterdeep he had promised things would be different. “What do you mean we have to leave?” The smell of alcohol permeated his clothes, and she knew exactly what had happened. He’d got drunk, gambled the last of their gold away and was now most likely in debt to someone dangerous. “You’ve not pissed it away, have you?”

He refused to answer, just throwing clothes into a bag. “Lissa, dear. It’s not how it looks, we just have to lay low for a little while, that’s all. Go grab your cloak.” She noted the swelling under his eye, not the first black eye he’d managed to get. At least that’s all it was this time.

She remembered the nights she had come home from working at sleazy bars, finding him unconscious on the floor either from having been beaten up or having just drunk himself into that state. The worst moment was when she was barely ten years old and she had found him lying under a broken rafter in their bedroom, the noose still tied around his neck and his face bruised and swollen from what he had attempted to do. She’d been young but she fully understood what had happened, choosing just to sit with him until he woke. He’d never tried anything like that again but the drinking, the gambling, the fights, they all continued. She’d thought about leaving so many times, even threatened it, but each time he would play the victim and she would feel the guilt wrap itself around her own throat, her own noose ready for the hanging.

“But what about my job, Dad? I can’t just up and leave.”

“Well, you’re going to have to. I’m sure they won’t miss you. There’re always other young girls who can serve drinks.”

She turned from him holding back her anger. He didn’t even know what she had been doing these last two months. How every single day she’d worked at the library to bring money into their home, keeping them fed and with a roof over their heads. “Can you not just use the money I’ve been putting aside? Do we really have to leave another place?”

He paused from packing, and she knew exactly what this meant. “The savings?”

“You used them too, didn’t you?”

“Well now, there were good odds on this horse…”

She wanted to shout at him. She should have known better than to have left the gold at home where he could access it. He’d promised her that this wouldn’t happen again, promised her that the drinking would stop, and he would do better by her. She couldn’t even be angry at him though, it was so much easier to feel nothing, to expect disappointment instead. Her father, the most unreliable person she knew.

Realising she hadn’t brought her cloak home with her; she looked back over to him. “How much time do we have?”

“We’re joining the caravan to Baldur’s Gate around sunrise tomorrow. I expect us up and at the city limits just before then,” he said as he slumped to his side, leaving the bag and gripping his chest.

Hearing the thud, she ran over to him “Shit, Dad. The pain again? You spoke to the clerics, right?”

He rubbed at his shirt breathing deeply until it had passed. “Of course, they said it’s nothing.”

“So that money went on booze too, didn’t it?” She stood back up shaking her head. He couldn’t be trusted to do anything. Why did she keep letting him get away with this? “I left my cloak at the library. I’ll be back in a bit.”

***

Gale paced his study trying to figure out what to do with himself. He had no confirmation that this letter was real and no more information than what was written there. He considered a sending spell, maybe another letter to gather up information but he felt restless knowing he would need to wait for a reply. There was also the matter that if the information was correct, if Tav was truly dead then he would be left alone to grieve in Waterdeep. There was always Tara and his mother and yet they had never brought comfort in the same way his friends had. No, he wanted to be around them again; he would travel to Baldur’s Gate.

***

“Is five gold mate, you can’t just come on ‘ere for free.”

Lissa’s father, Viktor, had been trying to barter for some time with the caravan leader to get them a spot on the cart. After she’d left him, he’d done little more in the ways of packing and had instead started on a bottle of brandy he’d bought with the last gold they had. The swelling under his eye had turned a blue-black colour and he nursed his head clearly suffering the consequences of his actions.

“Look, ‘ow ‘bout you let us ‘ave a little minute with your pretty friend there. Then we can call it even.”

Her back tensed up at the idea of it and her father’s silence brought her little comfort. Was he seriously considering this? In the end, she turned removing a small silver ring from her finger. “Here this is easily worth five gold.”

“But wasn’t that your mother’s?” her father said, his voice sounding gravelly.

It had been, but her mother was long gone. A drow that had managed one drunken night with her father and then ditched her the moment she realised she wasn’t a full-blood. Just another tragic half-breed treated as an outsider by both races. All she had was her father; what was some trinket compared to family? Lissa handed over the necklace and as the caravan leader nodded, she took her father’s arm helping him up onto the cart.

“Lissa?”

A voice from behind her calling her name, one she recognised. As she turned, she saw Gale approach, his arm waving to her and a smile on his face. What was he doing here? Viktor leant out from behind her. “He looks like he’d have a bit of cash on him.”

She stepped down from the cart and approached Gale, trying to distance herself from her father lest Gale realise she was together with him. “Mr. Dekarios, a surprise to see you.”

“Yes, yes, a welcome surprise to see you too. I’m to take a rather unexpected journey. Might I assume that you are to do the same?” He signalled to the wagon.

“Yeah, something like that. We’re going to visit family.” This had been the lie ever since she was a child, a dying grandmother, a pregnant aunt, some distant relative in need of aid, anything but the truth. She’d lost count of how many times she had covered for her father’s debts.

“Ah, exciting. Well, it will be good to have some fine company on this expedition.” He softly smiled at her, and she remembered how close she had come to kissing him the previous evening, the warmth inside her still burning for him. If she hadn’t been aware of her father’s eyes on them both she might have just given in there and then to him.

“Oi, Lis’, we need to get a move on. He wouldn’t be interested in you anyways, looks like he goes for the smart ones,” he laughed.

She closed her eyes at her father’s words that rang out over the group of travellers. She opened them again to see Gale looking at her with sympathy. His voice was quiet and caring. “Family, I take it?”

She gave a quick nod and turned to the cart. This was going to be a very long trip to Baldur’s Gate.

***

For some hours they sat as the cart rocked back and forth along the bumpy road. Viktor had thankfully fallen asleep, a flask in hand. He’d told her it just held water, but the smell had given it away quite quickly. So long as he was asleep that was fine. It meant she could collect her thoughts and prepare for setting up again in a new city.

Gale sat across from her observing the way she tapped her fingers repetitively. Thumb to pointer, tapped twice, repeated on each finger and back again. Clearly, some sort of mindless soothing habit she had. These little things he had never had the chance to see during his visits to the library. Though he had watched her often then, it was different when she wasn’t moving around constantly. Eventually, he spoke up hoping she would engage in conversation with him. “Lissa, I delivered your cloak to the library. I can see you never found the opportunity to collect it.”

“We left in quite a hurry. Family emergency you see.” She nervously tapped her fingers together a few more times.

He leant forward, placing a hand on her knee, his voice calm and soft. “Ah, do you want to talk about it? I’m quite the good listener.”

“No, no it’s fine.” More information meant more lies, which meant more to keep track of. Best to just keep it short and simple. Besides once they reached the city, they would be parting ways for good. No reason to build any attachments.

“Well, when we travel back, maybe you can collect it. Or possibly I could purchase you a new one. It was my fault after all that you left it behind.”

She remembered the events vividly, how she had left the tower, how the rain had battered down on her bare shoulders as she ran home. She could feel the warmth of his hand on her leg, her mind becoming easily distracted; change the subject repeating internally. “Why is it you are travelling Mr. Dekarios?”

“Please, my dear. Call me Gale. We are no longer in the library.”

“That may be so but if we are to return, I don’t want to create any bad habits I can not break.” She didn’t want to build up any close relations, especially not with someone who she was already fond of.

Gale pulled himself back, removing his hand from her. He seemed disappointed and she hated herself for dismissing him so quickly. Her father snored next to her, and she bit back the resentment she held towards him. If only that beam had held, maybe things would have been different for her. No, she shouldn’t think that, this was her father after all.

“I understand. Well, I suppose my reason for travelling is much like your own. A family emergency of sorts.” Gale didn’t want to say death until he was sure of the exact circumstances, and he didn’t want to share full details if she was to keep up the pretence of a professional relationship.

She nodded. She was curious but did not want to dig further into it, knowing it would mean sharing more of her own life as an unwritten payment for information. She grabbed at the bag between her legs puling out a small book to read.

“Tanil?”

Lissa lifted her head at the unexpected question.

Gale gestured to the book in her hands. “The book you hold there. Felaar Tanil, if I’m not mistaken.”

“Um, yes, it is. How did you know?”

He gave a short chuckle. “My dear, I’ve been known to try my hand at poetry. Tanil is one of the ones I would often recommend over a bottle of Blingdenstone Blush.”

She smiled at him, enjoying this moment of connection but simultaneously cursing the fact that they shared something in common. Her slowly improving mood was shattered instantly at the voice of her father, his opinions needing to be vocalised for all to hear.

“Poetry is for elves, princesses, and men who-” His voice was cut off by a sudden lurch of the cart, hitting a bump in the road. Lissa was thankful as it gave her a quick moment to mouth an apology to Gale for her father’s behaviour. Only three tenday to go…

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 gale #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 fanfiction #galemance #gale bg3

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tendermiasma · 10 months

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I Hope this question won't attract unwanted crowd, I'll try to type it in a way it hopefully will prevent it, but I have a question. As a professional artist, do you have any advice on how to not feel discouraged by A /i g3 ner*a/t3d images? And what to do to protect my art from being stolen? Recently I discovered one person close to me, also an artist, started incorporating that into their works and got into selling stuff assisted by it, and I feel kind of... heartbroken, betrayed? I don't know what to do, it makes me not want to continue the relationship, because this stuff is, in my opinion, actively hurting artists, but on the other hand, I don't want to lose a friend over it. Also, I am afraid that the only way to prevent what I create from being stolen is to not share it online at all, which is also heartbreaking, because one of the biggest part of creating (at least to me) is a form of dialogue with fellow humans, sharing emotions, and interaction between the creator, the art and the audience. I just feel lost. Also, I really admire your art, your skill, and you inspire me in a very profound way, just wanted to say that. Hope you have a good day!

Hi! It's a really shitty situation and I also often feel really doom and gloom about the whole thing. But the reason I keep making art is simple: It is my greatest joy to communicate through art and with every piece I make I continue to assert over and over that my human soul and the expertise that comes with it is a thousand times more valuable than a machine, and even though a lot of people wouldn't give a shit if a person or AI made it, there are always people out there who will care. I just really, really love doing it even while capitalism and our culture of consumption is taking on new and terrible forms. If we stop making art, what's left? Just the machine and nobody to speak up otherwise. Do nothing and lose everything vs keep fighting and something else, something better by some measure happens. Action is always the cure. I'm a big believer in that because I've found it to be true.

We're at a crucial time in the entertainment and arts industries. We all have some measure of power we can use against emerging policies and trends that don't benefit/actively hurt us. The WGA is currently striking in part to make AMPTP reconsider their AI policy of essentially just updating the WGA on the technology's progess annually. Other organized labor in entertainment and visual arts can negotiate anti-AI clauses into their contracts to make it less acceptable as a practice overall. You can use Glaze on your work to confuse AI engines and they just came out with a new version that I hear is a pretty nice jump in how detectable the texture is to your eye in the images.

I'm sorry you're going through that with your friend, though. It's hard and messy and there's no set way to go about it. It all depends on what you value most and what your own moral compass is telling you what you need to do here. Personally if it were a close friend of mine, I would talk to them about it. Depending on how they respond, your decision still might be a hard one or they could make it very easy. They will absolutely tell you how much time you should invest into this. Even if their attitude is clearly signaling that they do not care about you here and that you should move on from the friendship, it's probably still going to be painful and you'll grieve it for a while. Surround yourself with friends who understand how you feel and time will do its thing.

I think you should take comfort in that if you continue with art, this won't be the hardest decision you'll ever have to make. You'll have to make harder ones and will still come out on the other side. Even if you choose not to share your art on the wider internet and keep it as a precious thing among a smaller group of friends, it still has just as much worth and as you go along you will naturally find a balance between risks and reward. Don't forget that speaking out does actually have power in itself. Remember we've been able to bully a few companies into rolling back harmful practices in the past year or so.

I hope that was somewhat helpful. We're all trying to figure this out together and there's always going to be a future for artists as long as we keep pushing back hard. Capitalism takes a mile when you give an inch so it always, always matters to be vocal, spread useful information, use anti-ai apps on your art etc. It takes more energy to stay away from something you really want to do so I'm sure you'll find a way to share your art in the capacity you're comfortable with.

#asks

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caffiene-fueled-fuckery · 3 months

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hiiii can you do a deep dive into hawkeye's attachment styles pretty please :') i don't know much about attachment styles but i love psychology and i'm super normal about that guy (lying) so this is all fascinating 2 me !!!

Hi! I can certainly try!

I'm by no means an expert on attachment theory but I guess I can maybe talk about it since I'm studying it right now and have for a few years. I'm a psych major specializing in psychological development, and a lot of my interests and papers in the last few years have been on attachment theory specifically in adults bc believe it or not, most people think that it's only a thing when you're in infancy and early childhood. False! You actually grow an attachment network as you go from adolescence into adulthood and that's how it stays essentially, but your attachment style is important for the people you choose to be around and how relationship dynamics work (there's more nuance to this but I'm not really sure how to explain it without going super in depth). Anyway... Maybe I should do a general post about attachment theory.

For Hawkeye I think he's definitely in the preoccupied type, but he can also sometimes be a bit dismissing. Let's be real, Hawkeye has abandonment issues. If you think about it, he lost his mom when he was a kid, and it was pretty sudden. She got sick and he didn't really know what was going on, and his dad didn't tell him how bad it was. Then a few days later she was gone. Not only did he very suddenly lose a primary attachment figure, but he likely felt a sense of betrayal from his other primary attachment figure due to his dad not being honest with him. Yes, he was only a kid, but that doesn't stop him from feeling that way. That is still the case to a degree, he mentions it in that one episode... I think it's called Sons and Bowlers? When his dad was going into surgery for something serious and Hawkeye thought it could be cancer but he didn't find out until his dad was already in surgery and he spent forever trying to get through to the hospital. He was rantic and said something about his dad doing it again, likely meaning holding back the severity of an illness from him to protect him.

The loss of a primary caregiver is devestating to a young child even if they don't really understand what happened. The person they've relied on, who they knew was going to keep them safe and take care of them is just no longer there, whether they know why or not doesn't matter. Now, hawkeye I think was a bit older... 10, maybe? So he understood that it wasn't his Mom's intention, but that doesn't stop the pain. It seems very much like he clung to his dad after that, and he seems to have a very secure attachment to him. But I don't think that overall he has a secure attachment style. Definitely not.

The preoccupied attachment style is typically characterized by people who have positive views of others but negative views of the self. This usually means that they want close relationships but don't feel they're deserving of it necessarily or that they can trust others. In a modern sense, they'd be the person who'd text you a thousand times if you didn't respond. They can be clingy and they need reassurance. And while Hawkeye can be arrogant, I don't think he really likes himself that much. I can't think of anything speciifc he says but he definitely seems to think he's not a good person. He probably doesn't think he's ideal for a relationship. And we can see that in his interactions with his ex.

Carly and Hawkeye lived together for over a year, and he was devastated when she left him. Again, abandonment by another primary attachment figure. When she showed up at the 4077th he was hurt and a bit bitter, but when he talked to her he was desperate. He would do anything to keep her by his side, including marriage. And she knew it was desperation. A lot of it was his work that got between them, as she said, because he isn't someone who can put his work second. But another piece of those commitment issues might be that doubt or anxiety around relationships that are more than just sex.

This isn't just in romantic relationships. Think about how he reacted when Trapper left. He was so hurt that Trapper didn't even leave a note and chased after him to try and catch him before he left despite knowing he had little chance of catching him. He and Trapper were always together and he seemed a bit more secure in that friendship... but that went out the window when he left. Now, I don't really know that much about Trapper, esp since he was only in 3/11 seasons. But the effect he had on Hawkeye was immense.

You can see that in the way he interacts with BJ. He's clingy. He needs validation. He's scared of being abandoned again, whether or not he wants to admit it. And in GFA, he gets so irritated when BJ won't say goodbye. Hawkeye knows they won't see each other again, so leaving without a goodbye and a promise of seeing each other again is the same as being abandoned. BJ is important to him.

This validation isn't even just with BJ. It's pretty much with everyone. He cracks jokes and the laughter is validation. Sleeping with one of the nurses is validation. To me at least, he seems to feel inferior when comes to anything that's not surgery. Just as a person. But he also seems to have a defense against that, acting like all he needs are one night stands. Keeping the nurses at an arm's length, never going further emotionally than just sex. Which is why I said he could also fit the dismissing style a little bit, too. It's a defense mechanism so he doesn't get hurt. Dismissing is when someone has a positive view of self and a negative view of others, usually relying on being self-sufficient and independent, not needing close relationships even though they desperately want them. He just thinks people will leave him so he doesn't let people get to close to him. That seems to more be the case with women.

I hope this makes some sense! He has a bit of a mix of styles but I think more preoccupied than anything else. I wanna give poor Hawkeye a hug :(

#mash #m*a*s*h #hawkeye pierce #emm rambles

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kamiversee · 1 month

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SPARE AN EAR M’LADY👂🤺🤺 I came with some song suggestions:

Geto -> Partition by Beyoncé -> OKOK THIS SONG HAD BEEN FROLICKING IN MY MIND WHEN I READ CHAPTER 6 where geto was teasing the hell outta the reader in his driver’s car omfggg (also this song is fitting for the fun short lived fuck buddy relationship the two had because their tension was HIGHERRR than the temperature of my broke for shit thermostat on Monday & Thursday mornings) || Honorable mentions: Don’t Tell ‘Em by Jeremih & Like That by 1600j (This last song can also be for Sukuna cause sometimes he’s kindaaaa 😫😩)

Gojo -> Passionfruit by Drake -> Now this song.. mmm well I chose this song because its lyrics and overall tone parallel the gradually falling relationship between gojo and the reader. As the reader grows closer with choso, gojo painfully watches from afar. Yet, he lets it happen, silently remaining on the side and loving from a distance of a relationship that is slowly fading with each fleeting minute, especially with the list being finished. Fading that had been caused from the barriers placed more so by him because of his avoidance to explain his reasonings and motives with the list, refusal to remove the reader from completing the list, and the obvious distance between them as a resultant of the chaos from it all. In the end he can regret and reflect upon everything as many times as possible, but the aftermath of such actions are irrevocable. He comes to be aware of it, but it crashes down on him at once. Whatever happened, happened, and the reader went through messy time periods of pain and suffering, not to mention is still left to confusion since she never was given a proper answer to why she, out of anyone else he could’ve picked, was the one who had to clear the entire list alone. In that blurry midst is where she found choso, and he became to her the man that gojo longingly desired to be. To be the face to catch her smiles and looks, to hold her close, to kiss, to comfort, to get lost in her voice, to be the subject of her attention and adoration, to make her heart skip a beat or two, to share his life with, to be one with. God, he missed the opportunity for it all. At this point, this was his chance at liberating her… even if it killed him on both the internally and externally to let her out of his life. There’s only so much he can do. It’s bittersweet but genuine, knowing how gojo wants the best for her, seeing the damage actually done only in hindsight. What is more saddening is the fact that had he approached her normally from the beginning, he had the potential to already win her heart and affection since she liked him too. They could’ve been together and he could’ve bared his infinite love all to her in a way that didn’t have to hurt them both, but that route is may now just only left to the spiraling world of endless what ifs and imaginations. Nonetheless, his heart, unrequited or not, remains burning eternally solely for her.. even if alone. (My heart may or may not be trembling rn as a gojo girlie—fuckkk‼️⁉️💔💔💔 #STILLWANTHIMSOVERYBAD) || Honorable mentions: 3005 by Childish Gambino, Aphrodite by Rini, Because of You by Ne-Yo, Not Around by NOVA, & Is It A Crime by Sade

Choso -> Butterflies by Michael Jackson -> The love choso has for the reader had struck me as something tender yet mesmerizingly elevating. The essence of this song portrays exactly that with how smooth and catchy the tune falls on the ears of the listener. Personally with MJ being one of my favorite singers, the way he delivers this music makes me feel the same way as when I read a precious moment between choso and the reader. It’s of a sweet and passionate quality. In a way, it’s distinguishably special; essentially what choso feels whenever he is around her. His mood is almost always lifted when she’s alongside him and it shows in his words and expressions. Hell—so much so that he got a tattoo on his body to remember her by, a tangible declaration of his unwavering love towards her. He was even contemplating getting it initially on his NECK! HIS NECK I SAYYYY 🗣️ Even through stressful times, he couldn’t muster the will to not love her. Stuff he didn’t dare share with anyone (rightfully so), he was willing to tell the reader, being transparent, which means a lot to her. Now, I’m not glazing him to say he’s perfect as no one really is perfect in this story, but when put into perspective after everything and everyone, he’s ultimately well suited for the reader. He’s in love with her to the core, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. So yeah, this song naturally sprouted into mind ^^ || Honorable mentions: Raining Love by KYLE & Get You by Daniel Caesar

- 🧠

THE GASP I GASPED.

First off, I love you. Music is my heart and SOUL and istg the world is lucky I’m not a musically talented person BC IF I WAS…

Anywho, thank you for these songs & eloquently put breakdowns 🥹 the descriptions are beautiful, I agree with every song listed here AAAAND. We have a similar music taste so Ilysm.

AND PASSIONFRUIT IS MY FAV DRAKE SONG OF ALL TIME SO THTS KINDA CRAZY😭 I’ve said it before but I think a lot of what I listen to comes out in my works pretty often so the fact that you found songs tht I was listening to as I wrote majority of these chapters is just so amazing to me <3

Again, the descriptions & correlations are perfect, you’re amazing, Ily.

#kamiversee!answers #k!ans: 🧠

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toffeacademia · 11 months

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Just a little rant on Llorumi

I feel like the controversy and arguments on llorumi have died down now (or maybe i'm just a social recluse who knows) but anyways, though people say that the ship is problematic and toxic and abusive etc., i truly think that the two of them as characters have incredible compelling parallels.

As Harumi said, they are truly "kindred spirits" because both are essentially two sides of the same coin. Let me explain:

Both have experienced a loss of parent(s) - Harumi her parents and Lloyd his father (who's been a more active parental figure in his life compared to Misako let's be real).

Both know how it feels to be abandoned, though this one is complicated one - from what I gather, Harumi feels as she was abandoned by her heroes, because they failed to save her parents (I'll go through this in further detail below) while Lloyd was left in a boarding school by his mother.

Both have been thrust into high standard titles and thus, hold lots of responsibilty on their shoulders. - Lloyd being the Green Ninja and Harumi becoming Princess of Ninjago.

However, the one thing that sets them apart is the way that they percieve these life experiences.

For example, Lloyd grieved that he had to banish his own father and he felt his father's absence for a few seasons but he moved on in a way, yet he still loved his father, up until, well, you know. Harumi on the other hand, while she did grieve, she was overcome with the rage of "betrayal" and she held onto this rage, leading her to desire revenge. Lloyd could've taken the same route as well, he could've exact revenge on Chen, since it was Chen's war that lead to Garmadon deciding to sacrifice himself.

Crystalized and March of Oni does a great job of conveying Lloyd's anger, because while both of them hold onto their anger for a while, Lloyd doesn't lash out and ressurect one of Ninjago's most well known villains in an attempt to "save" the city. While obviously everyone has different opinions on Lloyd's arc in Crystalized, it makes sense that Lloyd's anger is what they decide to put focus on. Dude's literally having to work with his technically-evil dad, and has to fight his ex-gf again and kind of relive certain bits of trauma. On top of that, he has to tap into a darker side of his heritage, while trying to prevent himself from becoming his father (his overall fear). I'll rant about Crystalized in another post.

Anyways, returning back to topic, the dynamic and parallels between the two of them is what makes their scene in Game of Masks (Harumi's reveal episode) so compelling and thrilling, not just because Lloyd is going through the worst kind of heartbreak (my poor boi :(( ) but also because on a deeper level, these two are the literal representation of like calls to like.

Yes I made a Shadow and Bone reference in a Ninjago post - fight me.

Another example is the fact that both found a home of some sorts, yet while Lloyd found a family that built and raised him to be a hero, Harumi was taken into a family that has strict and heavy traditions, and its obvious from the way that Harumi doesn't consider the Emperor and Empress her parents that she hates them, so she is raised under a negative perspective and thus, turns to her revenge plans as a sort of method to treat her grief and pain.

However, it isnt healthy for either of them in their current stages of character development (post-Crystalized) to be in a romantic relationship. Harumi's short "redemption" isnt enough for them to canonically be in a relationship. Both need immense therapy and they have to confront their issues if either even want to be in a relationship together. If writers plan on putting them together, I would hope that they first confront the issues and history these two have, and then slowly build their relationship.

Or even, they don't need a relationship to heal. All I ask is that writers give them both the healing they deserve.

But that doesnt mean that people should be attacked for shipping them. A ship is just a ship, canon or not.

Still, I admire the parallels in the writing of both their backstories and the fact that both have a certain "love" for Garmadon (in my opinion, Harumi has an obsession but that's a discussion for another time).

It is quite funny though, that their sort of relationship is a kind of lovers to enemies to...allies? Honestly idk, but I love that the Ninjago writers gave us these kinds of parallels in characters. But these two greenies are not the only ones! The amount I could write on parallels in Ninjago...oof.

(Also, I'm not tagging this as a ship post, but idm if anyone reblogs this as the ship).

#ninjago #ninjago lloyd #ninjago harumi #lloyd ninjago #ninjago rants #idk why i felt the need to write this today #but here u go anyways

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spinningbuster98 · 1 month

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youtube

Sonic the Hedgehog (1991) Part 1: Sonic's the name, Special Stages ain't my game!

Yep

We’re doing this

So the very first time I played Sonic 1 was on Mega Collection Plus (my third Sonic game overall) on my PS2 (rest in peace buddy) back in roughly 2005, though I don’t have many memories of playing this game, I usually spent my time playing Sonic 2,3, Sonic & Knuckles and Triple Trouble (for some reason)

Heck now that I think about it I think I have more memories of playing this game during high school on my iphone (the Whitehead version) more than anything else!

Green Hill is a classic, there’s really nothing I can say about it and no amount of overexposure due to nostalgia pandering in recent years can take that away. It’s a great and elegant way to introduce the player to the core mechanics of the game, through a level that is simple yet complex enough (for the standards of the time anyway) to warrant replayability. When you really compare it to the stuff that was prevalent among platformers at the time, Green Hill really is unique. Instead of being a linear romp through tough platforming challenges, it’s a much more expansive level that is much more lax in platforming and that allows the player to do whatever they want, either blasting through it at top speeds or explore it for fun, and it’s not so much the fact that it’s “non linear”, as at the end if you think about it it’s still a matter of going from left to right, it’s just that there’s so much more to see and do here

So naturally after that strong start we gotta dial it all back and just put out a perfectly standard platformer level. I don’t even hate Marble Zone, but I can’t deny that it’s mostly due to the music giving it a really unique and memorable feel that I can’t quite describe, otherwise well...I’ll get into that next time ok?

I wanna say that Spring Yard is an improvement but it’s not all the way, as while the level is faster than Marble, it just lacks the elegance and fluidity of Green Hill, the level is much more “uneven” in terms of flow, just when you’re about to go fast you’re stopped by an arbitrarily slow and uninteresting platforming section

And just because I don’t know where else to mention this: the Special Stages

I don’t hate Sonic 1′s Special Stages

I loathe them

Even putting aside how the idea of collecting 50 rings and making it all the way to the end of the stage essentially without taking too many hits pretty much further plays against the overall idea behind this game being a fast platformer, the Stages themselves are all kinds of horrendous

People can bitch and moan about the Half Pipe ‘till the cows come home, but you at least have control over there. They’re not the best controls, but you do have FULL control over where Sonic goes there. Here you just gotta pray that physics are on your side and that you don’t knock the wrong tiles in this endlessly rotating spinning wheel of pain, which makes it feel like 90% of my failures and victories here are partly out of sheer luck rather than skill. Then you factor in that you only have a pretty limited number of tries to get all Emeralds, that when you fail a Special Stage the next time you retry you’ll get transported to the next one in line rather than having you retry the one you failed, thus making it harder on you to truly practice, AND the fact that all of this pain is just so you can get a slightly different ending where the Emeralds just make a few more flowers bloom in an already flowery area? Yeah no, getting all the Emeralds in Sonic 1 is a pretty miserable experience and one that is not worth it all that much.

#youtube #sonic the hedgehog #sonic the hedgehog 1991 #my gameplay

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radashes · 2 months

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Book review: 'SHATTER ME' SERIES

Entering the world of the 'Shatter Me' series was like embarking on a rollercoaster ride, filled with highs and lows, twists and turns. With each installment, I found myself swept away by Tahereh Mafi's captivating storytelling, but also grappling with my own conflicting emotions. Here's a breakdown of my journey through the series, from the heights of adoration to the depths of disappointment.

SHATTER ME #1: 4/5 stars I rated this book 4 stars instead of 5 because I'm not a fan of Adam and Juliette as a couple. Juliette's affection for Adam seems more based on his kindness to her in the past and his ability to touch her, rather than genuine love. Adam's obsession with Juliette feels cliché and cringeworthy to me.

However, I still like Adam as a character overall. The plot and characters like Kenji and especially Warner are fantastic though. Warner's complexity as a character makes him stand out.

DESTROY ME #1.5 [NOVELLA]: 5/5 stars

Wow, Aaron Warner really steals the show. His depth of emotion in this novella is just so well-written. You can really feel his complex feelings, not just towards Juliette, but also in his relationship with Delalieu, which is surprisingly cute. And those dreams? They add such an intriguing layer to the story. And don't even get me started on the quotes - they're just perfection!

Seriously, if you're a Warner fan, you absolutely need to read this. It's a solid 5/5 heartbreaking stars from me.

This novella is an essential read for anyone invested in the series. As you dive into Warner's psyche, you'll feel the weight of his emotions pressing down on you. It's like he's a whirlwind of disappointment, trauma, and anger all bundled up in a 19-year-old boy. But despite all the pain and suffering, you can't help but empathize with him. You start to see the walls he's built around himself and understand why he acts the way he does. It's a real eye-opener that sheds light on every decision he made in the first book.

Fair warning, though - once you finish this novella, there's no turning back. Warner will completely shatter your heart into pieces, and you'll be left utterly captivated by him. I mean, I couldn't even put this novella down, and that rarely happens with novellas!

UNRAVEL ME #2: 4.5/5 stars

This book was so close to perfection. I loved it so much but the ending kind of messed it up for me. It was underwhelming as the whole book.

This book, this world – it's all messed up, yet people keep on living. It blows my mind how they manage to survive, rebels, soldiers, regular folks, all facing terror every day. It's wild.

Lots of folks rag on Juliette, saying she's weak, self-absorbed, always wrapped up in her own drama. But I get where she's coming from. Life's tough, you know? Juliette's been through hell and back. Treated like trash her whole life, it's no wonder she struggles to see herself as anything but a monster. And when she finally starts feeling human again, it's ripped away from her. But she lets it go, showing her humanity.

Her relationships, especially with Adam, get a lot of flack. People say it's not real, just based on need. But with Warner, it's different. Despite his tough exterior, Juliette sees his softer side.

IGNITE ME #3: 5/5 stars

I get it. I FINALLY GET THE HYPE of this series!

This book is the reason why Aaron warner is our golden boy. That guy is the definition of swoon-worthy. Every word out of his mouth had me melting into a puddle on the floor.

Kenji, though? He's the real MVP. I swear, if I wasn't so head over heels for Warner, Kenji would be stealing the show. His humor just brings so much light to everything, you know?

But Adam? Ugh, don't even get me started on him. Every time he showed up, I was ready to throw my book across the room. Seriously, why couldn't Mafi just have Warner toss him off a cliff or something?

But let's talk about the romance. Holy smokes, it was on fire! I lost count of how many scenes had me squealing out loud. Warnette forever, am I right? That pager scene? And "lyhfml"? Absolute perfection.

RESTORE ME #4: 3/5 stars

Wow, that ending though! I'm still trying to process it, honestly.

So, let's get into it. While I didn't love this book as much as "Ignite Me," those secrets and lies had me hooked! But seriously, all that miscommunication? It stressed me out big time. Like, can these characters just talk to each other already?

And Juliette... girl, what happened? She went from confident and strong to clueless and insecure. But hey, she's still the supreme commander, even if she's not sure what to do with all that power. I guess we all make dumb decisions sometimes, right?

But let's talk about the hot stuff. Juliette laying down the law? Scorching! And Kenji? Always a bright spot. His friendship with Juliette and his bond with Warner? Pure gold. And Nazeera? Badass.

Now, Warner. My heart breaks for him. His vulnerability, his anxiety - it's all too real. And that childhood trauma? Heart-wrenching. But eating a cookie with a knife and fork? Classic Warner.

And his love for Juliette? It's sickeningly sweet. He'd do anything for her, and it's both beautiful and agonizing to watch.

Overall, this book had its flaws.

DEFY ME #5: 2.5/5 stars

I gotta be real here. This book left me scratching my head. Like, what was even the point? It felt like Tahereh Mafi was just stretching the story out for the sake of it. And those twists? They were more confusing than anything else. It's like she was trying to shock us without really adding anything meaningful to the plot.

Don't get me wrong, I love Mafi's writing, but this one fell flat for me. The characters I adore, like Kenji and Warner, were still solid, but the rest felt kinda irrelevant. And what's up with the whole Juliette-now-Ella thing? She'll always be Juliette to me.

Speaking of ships, Juliette and Warner? Total goals. They're the only reason I'm considering picking up book six. Oh, and I can't forget about Kenji. That guy deserves all the happiness in the world.

Overall, this book felt like a filler episode of a TV show. Not terrible, but definitely not essential. I'll stick to pretending the series ended at book three.

And can we talk about that cover? Seriously, did they just tweak the old one and call it a day? At least give us something fresh!

Oh, and a heads up for anyone thinking about diving in - there are some heavy topics like parental abuse and suicidal thoughts in here, so tread carefully.

IMAGINE ME #6: 3.5/5 stars

This series should've wrapped up neatly with "Ignite Me." Life would've been good. But nope, we got hit with "Restore Me," and it's been a rollercoaster of disappointment since then.

Honestly, going into this book, I had zero expectations. And you know what? I'm kinda glad about that because what I got was not what I expected at all.

Let's start with the positives. Tahereh's writing? Still top-notch. I mean, how does she come up with those poetic sentences? And Kenji? Bless his soul. That guy was carrying the weight of the whole story on his back, trying to keep everyone together.

But then we got Adam, who's still as irrelevant as ever. And don't even get me started on Warner. He went from being tolerable to downright insufferable. And Juliette? Where did she even go? She went from badass to passive, and it's just frustrating to watch.

The worldbuilding and plot? Yeah, still confused. And that ending? Talk about rushed and unsatisfying. So many loose ends, so many unanswered questions. And that epilogue? Don't even get me started.

In the end, the only enjoyment I got out of this mess was from Kenji's inner thoughts. That guy's a gem, always finding a way to lighten the mood.

Seriously, Mafi, this series should've stayed a trilogy. Don't even think about coming back with more books later on. I'll riot, but let's be real, I'll probably still end up reading them because I'm a glutton for punishment.

BELIEVE ME #7 [NOVELLA]: 5/5 stars

Let me tell you, when I heard about this new book coming out, I was hyped! "Imagine Me" didn't quite give us the closure we needed, so I was ready to dive back into this world.

And Aaron Warner? Damn, that guy knows how to turn up the heat. Chapter 8? I was not prepared for that level of steaminess. I thought we'd get a fade to black moment, but by the end of it, I was sweating buckets. My legs? Let's just say they were done for!

But beyond the romance, I was really digging the world-building in this book. Finally getting some insight into their plans to restore the planet was a breath of fresh air after the uncertainty of "Imagine Me."

But man, these characters? They feel like family to me. Seeing them find happiness just warms my heart. It's like revisiting old friends after all these years.

There are some more novella like:

"Destroy Me" - Aaron Warner's point of view

"Fracture Me" - Adam Kent's point of view

"Shadow Me" - Kenji Kishimoto's point of view

"Reveal Me" - Kenji Kishimoto's point of view

"Imagine Me" - Juliette Ferrars' (Ella Sommers') point of view

"Believe Me" - Aaron Warner's point of view

So there you have it, folks! 'Shatter Me' series has taken us on one wild adventure. Whether you loved it, hated it, or fell somewhere in between, one thing's for sure: Tahereh Mafi has given us a story to remember. And with that, it's time to bid adieu to Juliette, Warner, Kenji, and the rest of the crew. Until next time, happy reading!

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pbandjesse · 9 months

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My neck is still very stiff but I seemed to have fixed my wrist pain. By hitting my wrist with a book? There was a very painful hard bump on the top of my wrist and I smacked it with a book based on remembering something I read and it worked?? I know that is not a long term fix but it's something. At least I'm not suffering as much as I have been cause it's been rough.

I went to sleep last night and slept alright. Getting up was hard. I was almost sure I was just going to sleep and extra hour since it wouldn't matter. But then I remember I parked on the side of the street that would need cleaning today and had to move the car by 8. So I still got up at 7.

And honestly it wasn't bad. I was up and dressed. I didn't like what I chose. I ended up in my green romper which I love. It's a bit thin but with a tank top I feel just fine.

I made toast before I left. Which was good but I bit tough. And then I was on the road.

James did get to sleep in a little later then their normal 530. And they were still very tired but they would have some restful parts of the day as they would head back from Philly with Lane. But because of tiredness we are pushing back our movie date. Which is fine by me. Well get there soon.

I got to camp at 8 and it was a nice morning. I got stuff set up and then went for a walk.

I found some mushrooms. And took some pictures. And I was just in a good mood. Even if it hurt to turn my neck.

My groups today were awesome. Everyone really seems to love the project and I just felt so positive. Which was excellent. And I have a good flow going with the explanation now.

Katerina asked if she could carve a cuttlefish and I was like. Of course. And so she worked on that and later when bontkirchen was there I would cast it and she had the first successful rings and that was so cool! I am so excited how great people's pieces are and what we have discovered works and what doesnt. It is wild to me how many of the kids just don't follow directions and bring me carved pieces that won't work and when I explain how to fix it they bring me essentially the same thing a second time. I had a girl today go through like 6 bones without me know which made me kind of annoyed but it's whatever. We are learning.

At lunch I had my apple and cheese and peanut butter. Girl lunch. And then just had some time to be quiet and alone and that was needed.

My wrist and neck were honestly killing me. I would lay on the picnic table with my head leaning over and that helped a bit. But nothing was making my wrist feel better. I was so good about my brace today but it was just not good. Then I remembered the book thing. And I was in the middle of reading a book. And so I just smacked my wrist and it hurt! But almost immediately the radiating pain was gone. I could move my wrist in all directions!! I was so excited. It's not perfect for sure but I'm not miserable anymore!!

The afternoon was fine. The day campers did much better today. Everyone seems to love the drawing game. There's almost always one or two that have trouble letting go and letting the drawings be weird. But overall it's a hit.

Katerina would send mee a super nice message about how much she loves my class and it just warmed my heart. "I honestly love your program so much. It's so creative and fun. Thank you for the opportunities to make cute stuff."

I had fun casting with bontkirchen. And they finished up my metal stamping pieces. I'll have to order more. I still want to come up with a third metal working project but I haven't spent any time thinking about. I'll figure it out. I love how much they all love jewelery making so maybe we'll play with that more. But for now we are having fun with casting and stamping and it's just been super fulfilling.

I ended the day with a really nice day camp group. With some questionable counselors. But it's fine. The kids were very good. And they made good work overall. And while they worked I worked on filing off the rough parts of Katerina's rings. And it was a nice way to end the day. I love filing metal.

My neck was still hurting though. So once everything was cleaned and ready for tomorrow I went down to the office to chat. Showed off my mushroom pictures. Clowned on Chris that his bald head looked like the giant mushroom I found. And then said goodnight.

I would drive home and had a pretty easy drive. I got back here around 5. And my James was here. I was glad to see them home and safe.

They would attempt to help me with my stuff neck. Some things helped more then others. It's for sure still stiff but it's not as bad as it was.

James would have their podcast recording. Moved form Friday so if we want to go to the movies there isn't a problem. And I would take a shower and get comfortable in bed. Which was restful. I also finally finished all my lesson ideas for the national guard. Which took an hour or so but I am glad it's done. I'll have to do the supplies costs and links soon but I'm able to send that off now.

I had chicken nuggets (vegetarian) and salad for dinner. And brushes Sweetp who yelled the whole time. And eventually James came and held me. Eventually they ran to the store for milk and eggs and I would have some cereal as a snack. They would try to massage the stiffness out of my neck. It helped and I appreciated them trying.

And now Brandon is here!! We the rest of our wedding pictures!! I am excited to see them.

I hope it's fun to see new shots.

I hope tomorrow is a good day. I plan on sleeping at camp the next two days. I have groups alllll day. So fingers crossed it's not a nightmare. I hope you all have a goodnight and you are hurting anywhere. Until next time!!

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michaelmorningstar13 · 1 year

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Hello fiends! I really just wanted to chat y'all's ear off about this movie I came across on Paramount + and really enjoyed. It was called Saint Maud, and is, I believe, a psychological thriller by the studio A24. The people behind The VVitch, Midsummer, and Hereditary.

I may say some things that fall in spoilery territory. So, I will be sure to tag the things I may think. aren't all that vague

But, it was a very interesting, well-paced, and overall surreal piece of work that follows our titular character, Maud. As we, as viewers, essentially follow her on her way to increasing levels of painful religious fanaticism after experiencing a horrible and traumatic incident in her previous job.

All while she takes on the role as in-home caretaker to a former dancer named Amanda Kohl, who is going through the stages of Spinal Lymphoma.

I think this movie really played well into the overall lonliness and isolation that can occur when you go through something so traumatic... Such as what Maud had... And ultimately how the trappings of religion and having this divine figure who is always with you, always there, can then be so enticing. Especially for someone, like Maud, who otherwise struggled to develop meaningful relationships with other people in her day-to-day life.

[SPOILERS]

As not only did most of her former co-workers not have any idea as to what happened to her after "the incident.". Or, even KNOW that she was still practicing nursing to some capacity under a different name... Or, even just the the fact that as she was questioning her faith and devotion, she was hanging out in a dive bar and struggled to find any sense of connection with the myriad of faces there and drawing blanks... All while she was throwing herself into these fleeting physical moments with men that seemingly left her feeling even more lonely than anything else... But, I think the biggest thing that I think really played into the overwhelming sense of isolation was actually the interactions we see her have with the woman she is caring for, Amanda.

[SPOILER]

Because not only through Amanda are we shown the inauthentic ways in which both of them carry out the relationship... Maud constantly trying to "save" Amanda's soul. Allowing her to not really see her outside of something that needs to be fixed. Or even Amanda playing into Maud's delusions at first out of amusement... Only to later interacting with her with a sense of sarcastic annoyance... Going so far as to call Maud "My Little Savior" as Maud tries to overreach and control bits of her life. But, I think it really is played into when we are introduced to Carol. A late night visitor of Amanda's who Amanda was likely paying for a bit of sexual fun. As is part of Maud's overreaching, she takes carol to the side to demand that Carol not to return... As she is viewed as a distraction. Only a flight of fancy that is detering Amanda away from having her lost soul saved... Who likely doesn't even care about Amanda anyway. Which, I thought was intriguing. As, I believe that Maud and Carol actually mirror each other in the way they operate. Because despite how much they tell themselves they care... They only REALLY care up to the point as to what Amanda can personally provide them. Carol with money... While, Maud is looking to proselytize and feed her savior complex...

Speaking of which, I think another thing they show well, is because of the guilt that Maud is experiencing after "the incident"... And how it has been exacerbated by her foray into religion... She had developed this savior complex most likely as a way to personally redeem herself and tear herself away from this guilt she has been burdened with as her own cross to bare. Which, because of that, her lonliness only grows due to her only being able to interact with people so as to proselytize... Only to further isolate her from everyone else and push herself even deeper into the trenches of religious fanaticism she has found herself in. All while we as viewers are held captive to watch as we see her fall deeper and deeper into this doom spiral of madness and delusion...

Overall, I would definitely recommend this movie in all it's delicious fervir and melancholy. As it truly was a trip to watch in all it's visuals and story telling and would be pretty decent if your someone who can't stomach a ton of violence in horror. Though, there is ONE scene that does get violent in the whole film... So, do be aware of that.

#horror movies #horror film #paranormal #creepy #a24 horror #religious horror #horror fans #psychological horror

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renataturner · 2 years

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(Content warning: Surgery, cancer.)

On July 2nd, I was being rushed into emergency surgery after a week of pain. The cause was determined to be internal bleeding and I'd written the pain off as things I was used to dealing with. The cause of it is something I've only disclosed to those closest to me, please forgive me for not specifying, but I have to keep it in a box for now because everything that came after threw so many wrenches in my best laid plans.

In my chart, it was noted that a mass was visualized and a sample was taken of it. Their focus was on fixing the bleed and closing me up because my vitals took an alarming dive. It got messy and it was a close call. I stabilized and improved rapidly after surgery and was sent home.

On August 29th, I was informed that I yet again had Stage 1 cervical cancer. Given my history, and the hell I went through every month with those organs, the decision was made to just remove it all. They needed to do an endometrial biopsy to determine if the ovaries stayed or went. That was scheduled for September 29th. My pre-op appointment was scheduled for the next morning on the 30th as I had been medicated for the biopsy.

At that appointment, I was told that surgeries were booking into mid-December, but my doctor was going to double check the schedule to make sure. She'd mentioned possibly kicking me over to MD Anderson Cancer Center, I'd still be looking at probably a late October, mid November date due to intake, etc. But she wanted to double check their booking first.

She comes back and asks me what I'm doing Monday. It's Friday. I'd just told my boss two days prior to schedule me my normal shifts because there was no way they'd be able to get me in the next week. I told my doctor, "Well, I was working, but I guess I'm having my surgery?"

Monday, October 3rd, I had it all taken out. In addition to the cervical mass they saw in July, they found a walnut-sized tumor in the muscle of my uterus that had not been there in July, so they decided to send everything they removed off for biopsy. My ovaries were left alone in the anticipation that the endometrial biopsy would come back clear. (Thankfully it did, two days after surgery.)

I am doing well. In some ways I feel better than before surgery. Overall I still tire easily and am sore. I am still waiting on those two biopsies to come back, they should come back any day now. Hopefully they come back clear, but if they don't, I get kicked over to MD Anderson for an oncology consult and a pet scan to make sure nothing metastasized and I'm truly, fully in the clear.

I've been doing my best to stay upbeat but honestly, I'm angry. I was finally on track to change my living situation, and then my bills after insurance for July drained my savings. I'd just started to gain ground again when the rest of it all hit. I know I'll gain it back again once I'm back to work, but it's still frustrating, and I'm angry about it. Everything has ground to a halt. I'm out of work, my offline happy place, for at least 4 weeks. I'm angry at the reason I almost died in July, but then I'm also confusingly grateful that happened, because I'd already had my yearly exam earlier in the year and it was normal, but this was on the other side of my cervix, they wouldn't have found it if they hadn't had to do surgery. I'm angry that I fought for years for a hysterectomy, had my insurance essentially say they wouldn't cover it unless I got cancer...and then I got cancer. Again. I'm angry that if they had taken me seriously, none of this would have happened. No near death experience, no cancer, none of it. It would have prevented it.

So that's been my summer and early fall. I've been relatively quiet because processing everything has been so excruciating and so I packed it all into boxes and shoved it in a mental closet because I had to be strong for my kids. And I didn't mean this to be so long, I've just been holding everything inside because I can't show my kids, for the sake of their own mental health, even though the oldest connected the dots. Her siblings are not in mental spaces to process it the way she has. Further, I've been shoving it away because I just want to get through it all so I can get past it all and my world can start moving again.

#ooc #thanks for coming to my temper tantrum

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alt-pocalypse · 3 months

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Day 2

Writing this from the back of Nyxx’s SUV. I don't usually get car sick so I’ll probably be fine? Today we all met up at our agreed meeting place outside the home depot. It was a few hours to walk but I was generally pretty safe but if any of the smarter ones did notice that I was human I just thwacked ‘em with ol’ Nancy! It feels really bad killing things that used to be human like this but It’s what I have to do. Nyxx says that it’s best to remember that they’re probably in a lot of pain anyway so really we’re just putting them out of their misery. Thinking about that helps a little. In the morning, after having some breakfast and brushing my teeth, I dumped out my school bag and started packing in the things I thought we might need at our new base. My pack list is as follows:

Wifi router

Phone charger

Laptop charger

Laptop

Radio with bluetooth and CD player

Changes of clothes

Snacks

Hair spray

Eye liner

As much monster as I could cram in there

I know it sounds stupid to bring so many things that need to be plugged in but Nyxx brought the solar battery she and her family use while camping alongside a big solar panel so it's gonna be ok. I also picked up ol’ nelly from her special case in my cosplay closet. She's a real nail bat from a cosplay I never finished and there’s no zombie apocalypse weapon better than a nail bat!

Like I said, Nyxx brought a solar battery and panel but she also brought her dad’s M16 (which I don’t even know if he was legally allowed to own) which will be great for big hoards. Nyxx also brought some tents and air mattresses. Raven brought a mini fridge which was kind of a surprise to all of us, it looked really heavy and we were all impressed that they had carried it all the way to the home depot over 2 miles. They looked exhausted. They also had a map of the town, a pair of scissors to handle our hair, and their sketchbook with some art supplies.

Wood and N came last and we were all kinda worried they wouldn’t show. Neither was carrying much, Wood brought some squishmallows, some books, headphones and a hand ax. N’s bag was mostly full of monster cans with a few walkie talkies. At their side they were holding a HUGE machete. We don’t need to bother too much about first aid supplies or anything like that because Nyxx always keeps a go bag in their trunk.

Once we were all together, we all went into the home depot to conduct our very first zombie apocalypse raid. I was nervous but also excited. There was a lot more still left than expected. Once again, the zombies didn’t come for us so overall it was mostly just a chill time. We got a few base building essentials and stuff to wash our clothes but the main highlight was when Raven picked out their weapon: a power drill with an 8 inch long bit! We made some of the typical jokes but honestly it was super cool.

Tonight we’re planning on staying in Nyxx’s basement. They live in the middle of nowhere so it's a good place to hide out when we look for a more permanent spot closer to resource spots and places where we can have fun if we get antsy. Speaking of Nyxx’s place we’re pulling into the driveway right now so I gotta go, bye! Will probably post a little later once I get connected to wifi.

#text post #long post #long reads #alt teens #alternate universe #zombie apocalypse #nail bat #list #day 2 #story #creative writing #fictional characters

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twsted-tales · 5 months

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Twisted Wonderland OC

Name: Regis Ayhan

Birthday: December 31rst "This is actually true! Thank goodness they made it a holiday."

"Everyone wants Immortality til they get their wish, and when they get it...well, it's pretty boring."

Other Names: King Ayhan(Malleus), Regi(Lilia), Sea Jelly(Floyd)

Age: 18

Real Age: ??? "Oh, that's not good. Seems I forgot...hm, let's say 500 to be safe."

Zodiac: Capricorn ♑

Height: 5'8"(173cm)

Dominant Hand: Left

Homeland: Republic of the Waning Moon(Formerly Kingdom)

School BIO:

Grade: Junior(Third Year)

Least Favorite Food: Lilia's cooking

Class: Class E (No. 31)

Club: Pop Music Club

Best Subject: Ancient Curses

Preferences:

Hobbies: Traveling, Cooking, playing music

Pet Peeves: Given responsibilities he doesn't want.

Favorite Food: Lamb Chops

Talents: ordering people around

Appearance:

Regis is a young man with dark brown skin and old tired looking golden eyes framed with green eye-liner on the bottom. Without the make up Regis appears to sport a pair of dark circles under his eyes. But even so, those who meet his gaze say his eyes are old. Feeling as of they're staring deep into a sea of work down gold.

Wrapped around his heart shaped face is a mop of white dreadlocks that poke out from Regis' headscarf.

Speaking of which, said scarf is silky to the touch and has been painstakingly embroidered with golden lining all across it's fabric. If you were to ask the student why he wears it, his answer is, "It's a family heirloom, don't worry about it." But no matter how nonchalant he tries to be, or flippant he tries to make his tone, Regis' voice turns brittle and heavy. Sounding as if he's one word from breaking as he speaks. Whatever the history of this scarf is, it holds a special place in Regis' heart

Beyond that, Regis' clothes are the same as any other Diasomnia student. Blazer, and neon green vest and all.

Personality:

Regis is a very calm, kind, and wise person to all the students he meets. Often giving advice or helping people he sees needing help if the mood suits him. On a few occasions Regis can be playful and teasing to the other students. Playfully calling them youngins, or convincing them that as punishment for messing something up they have to eat Lilia's cooking.

Overall, Regis is an easy going man who makes the best of a situation. But when he is annoyed or angered, he becomes sharp with his words, and blunt with his actions. Often seeming like a king off to give a verdict whenever his ire is aimed at someone. As if the student before him has mere seconds to give him a reason for their foolishness before the execution comes.

Background:

Regis is not his true name, if not for his kingdom he would've forgotten it a long time ago. No, instead of being just a simple student, Regis is an ancient immortal king who fought in the Fae Human war. Going out for revenge for what Melleanor had done to his family. Killing his parents when he was a child and in turn, at 10 years old, King Ayhan was born.

So after years and years of fighting with the fae and gaining a rivalry with a certain general, Regis finally gained his goal. He finally slayed the dragon that took everything from him so long ago. Finally, he could have peace, finally he could rest, and just rule his kingdom until his dying days with his best friend at his side as queen.

But then again, how can ashes be a queen? During the battle, or maybe before, he can't remember now. But as some oint during the last days of the war, Regis lost his one and only best friend. And with them, he also lost his mortality. He didn't age, no damage could kill him, no magic could strike him dead or remove this curse. Essentially, he was immortal. And in his mind, no longer human. Instead, he's just a relic of a bygone age that should've been put in the dirt a long, long time ago.

Trivia:

Some song lyrics that fits Regis

"And now I'm so far gone, can you change my name, can you replace my pain?"

- This fits how he is as a student. In NRC he can pretend to be another person. He can pretend to be a regular kid again, he can be human again. In a way replacing his pain. But in the end it's still a part of him. Yes he's accepted it now, but that doesn't mean it's easier.

"There's nothing left to say, just let me fade away!"

-This gives me an idea for Regis' dream world. Like maybe instead of a fleshed out dream world they just see an almost endless abyss as they fall for what seems like forever until they meet a tired and. Decrepit Regis that looks so done with everything. He's caked in blot from the monster that lulls them all into a deeper sleep cause to him it's the closest thing he'll have to a rest. But even with this he can't fade away fully.

"I know this won't be my last time, I'm losing sight. Why can't I get out? Why am I still here? Why can't I move on? Why am I still here?"

-This fits Regis during his first few decades of being immortal because he's just seeing everyone he knew amd loved die one after another and he's still there. Just living.

Lilia is his Queen actually. He married the old bat and he is his Queen. Though since the kingdom is a constitutional monarchy now, they really don't have many royal duties.

He loves writing music for the pop music club and him and Lilia compete for who's gonna be be the lead singer for each song. In a way reliving their youth in a much lighter way.

Regis means king

Ayhan means king of the moon, it's his actual family name. And it's one part of himself he never forgets.

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twst oc #diasomnia oc #regis ayhan

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turtlemagnum · 7 months

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so, spent some time with fallout: new california (new vegas mod), probably about 15-16 hours judging by how long i stayed up that one night, so here's my review:

writing was better than that of fallout 3 or 4, but to me that's as much of a compliment as saying that a mcdonalds burger tastes better than literal shit. i liked the characters, there's a certain charm to most of them, but i wouldn't consider the writing to be exceptional. i also feel like the writing got significantly worse after leaving the vault, but that might just be that the companions i had basically had nothing to say after getting to safety. i will add that the voice acting was all around pretty great, even if in some areas the writing wasn't up to par. i'll also say that in some areas, their insistence on stuff being fallout lore friendly felt a bit.... repetitive, of previous games?? like aside from the enclave still existing (which to be fair, fallout 3 insisted it still exists too but i don't count that, the damn enclave was blown up in fallout 2), it's also a bit weird to me how there's also just another guy who's basically just the master, but again

some context is that i went relatively scorched earth, war of all against all type deal, which is something i rarely do in RPGs. it started with killing all the raiders in their mine area (side note but i wish you could free the slaves, though to be fair that's also a problem in vanilla new vegas so eh). but the way i played was essentially just... holding my ground?? raiders wanted me dead, i killed them. and when i got to the NCR dipshit, he threatened my life if i didn't work for him so i killed him too, thus pissing off the NCR and seemingly a few other groups (like gun runners). but it all felt natural, i normally don't like playing as a wasteland boogieman kinda guy but the way i naturally fell into it felt pretty nice. y'know how in jjba, pillar men are to vampires what vampires are to humans?? i felt like that sorta deal to raiders and other such miscreants, even moreso than in base new vegas. it felt natural, very very natural, and i didn't really feel bad for simply standing my ground, y'know?

i do like the update to the NCR uniform, it actually blends in pretty well with the worldspace and caused me to mistake shrubs for corpses and vice versa. made looting NCR troopers a bit more of a pain, but it was executed in such a way that made me appreciate the extra effort that they honestly didn't really have to do. like, with a lot of things i feel like they coulda left something untouched and it would've been just fine, but they tried to improve it and i appreciate that (like the 10mm pistol!! i actually really love the update to the 10mm pistol model, looks more like an actual gun)

i do like the relative freedom afforded by the game. right at the start of the "real" game, i immediately shot the siblings bragg in the face, and it just let me! sure, they got back up, even after i esploded their heads with my 10mm, but that just meant that i got more 10mm off their corpses (which also seemed to regenerate, weirdly enough). from what i've seen, doing the NCR main quest seems a bit railroady, but i've definitely seen new vegas mods do the overall concept of "NCR main quest for our quest mod" far, far worse. i also like that there comes a time where you're actually free to rearrange the brain matter of senator dickshitter (i don't remember his name). the whole empire of japanese immigrants thing felt a bit contrived, but i can't say that it wasn't cool, and to be fair i think that things can be a bit contrived if they're cool enough and it's not that implausible

the thing where one of the only main cities exclusively insists on NCR dollars is insufferable, mostly because gunrunners was there and they didn't even have any NCR dollars for sale. one of my favorite pasttimes to do in the base game is to lightly flirt major knight into repairing my shit for free and abusing that to get guns and armor i looted off of raiders all pristine and ripe for selling, and one of the best places to hawk my garbage is gun runners because they're A. rich as hell and 2. have a lot of guns and ammo and gun accessories, and as a gunfucker who literally learned to mod the game to edit how the guns work, that gets me off like you wouldn't believe (side note but i'm actually pretty sure new vegas was what originally set me on the path of becoming a gun guy, like in retrospect. i really appreciate the fact that this damn game gave me my strongest special interest, and that the devs went so far as to actually buy guns and shoot them to see how they should properly work, using (mostly) real guns and calibers and shit)

this is all to say that all in all, i liked new california. i wouldn't say i loved it, and after one extended play session and a second few hour one, i wouldn't say i feel compelled to keep playing. but all in all, i'd recommend it. now, does it compare well to vanilla new vegas? no. but that's like saying that this mcdonalds cheeseburger isn't as good as the best damn burger you've ever had, made just for you from a local joint. now, is it a nice change of pace? does it give you new fun to have in one of the greatest games of all time? absolutely. i'd recommend it, though to be clear i'd personally back up your game before installing it and then once you're done, delete the new california install and just copy and paste your original version back to where it was. or, like me, also back up your new california install because you might (might) wanna revisit it.

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racingtoaredlight · 8 months

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The King of Guitars: The Gibson Super 400

I've written this exact same post before, I'm sure of it.

I own the greatest guitar I've ever played...my teacher's 1999 Brad Nickerson Virtuoso. And I've played just about every version of Gibson's great archtop lineup, from just about every decade from the 40's to today.

Of all of the guitars I've played in my life, the two that stick out as decade-long memorables is my Nickerson and a 1979 Gibson Super 400 that I played for about 30 minutes at the Dallas Guitar Show in Arlington in 2006.

1979 wasn't an especially banner year for Gibson, and even though their archtops were always made by a small, specialized crew separate from the rest of their manufacturing, it was still affected by the Norlin group's changes over the decade. This particular model was a good example of that...the back and sides were plain maple with no figure (much cheaper) and the neck showed some figure, but was pretty unremarkable itself.

Figure is purely aesthetic and doesn't mean the sound isn't there. Just because this crew had less pretty materials to work with did not mean their output suffered like the main division of Gibson Guitars. This 1979 Super 400 was ALIVE.

When you play an archtop that has the pickups and controls mounted directly on the soundboard, it essentially compromises the acoustic qualitys of the instrument. When you play a guitar with these, the first sign you have something special is if you play it acoustically and are blown away. This was the case here, even in a crowded, noisy expo center.

The electric tone was superb, as expected, and the guy running the booth let me run with it for as long as I wanted. This was probably when I was at my best as a guitarist, period...I'd been at this event for seven hours already and was totally warmed up...I bonded with this guitar immediately and the flow from my brain through my fingers had zero obstacles.

The guy was cool with me playing because I had gathered a nice sized crowd who were also checking out his other stuff. And I know I've told this story a million times before, but this is the booth where I looked up and saw John Mayer go "wow" while watching me play. The singular highlight of my non-existent career.

I was just lost in having a blast playing one of these beasts. It was such a wonderful experience that almost 20 years later, I still remember the feel of the neck, the sound coming out of the amp, the faint smell of stale cigarette smoke, the rough patches starting to form on the back of the neck where the previous owner played the most.

Super 400's are big boy guitars. The L-5 on the left is a standard sized archtop...which are already the behemoths of the guitar world...and you can see how that extra 1" on the Super 400 makes for an overall much larger instrument even then.

Midget meme jokes aside...these instruments are playable for people under 6' with shorter wingspans...but they're not very comfortable. For bigger guitarists, they're fine, but you can't escape the size issues even then. Things like "cases" and "travel" are an expensive pain in the ass with regular archtops...even more so with the Super 400.

Both the L-5 and Super 400 have necks larger than Gibson's typical short scale. You may think this doesn't matter...it does immensely. The nut width is as wide as you'll find on electric guitars (except for years 1966-1968 where they adopted a slim neck and nut before going back). This is not great stuff if you have small hands or aren't trained and precise. If that's the case...you'll struggle to get any decent sound out of these things.

The other biggest drawback? Price and availability.

Those "cheaped out" versions in the 70's with less figured woods? That's your entry point. And that entry point is five figures. $10k for the pleasure of getting the "runt of the litter." Modern models in the 80's made by James Hutchins? $12k to start.

Player-grade 60's models? $15k. Mint 60's and player-grade 50's models closer to $17,500. Mint 50's models are in the low $20k's. Any model with a sharp Florentine cutaway (below)...lol...$30k to start. Add 10% to all of those if they're natural instead of sunburst. Add another 10% to that if they have a pickguard that hasn't been destroyed by sitting in a case and getting eated by off-gassing. Yes, for a pickguard.

That's a hefty investment.

Say you want it shipped...you comfortable with the standard cases from the 50's made out of flimsy plywood? The ones that can get crushed and penetrated without much force at all? Didn't think so.

But those standard fiberglass or carbon fiber cases for $1,500 won't work...because again, the size...and you'll have to pay for a premium one that you won't be gambling on in transit. And you'll still have to pay for that other case to get shipped separately because you gotta have the original to retain its value.

Just how many downsides can I name? There's more. They feedback at medium-volumes easily. They need proper humidification at all times. They need insurance. There's no 3rd party market for most replacement parts...either they're going to be expensive to replace or the replacements will diminish the value.

By all contexts, the Super 400 is a pretty un-ideal guitar here in 2023. The reason it's so big to begin with was because it was designed to cut through big bands acoustically in the 40's...but when you put humbuckers on, you don't really need that size anymore.

All that doesn't matter because it's the sound. You don't NEED that extra size, but it definitely impacts the sound compared to an L-5. It's deeper, richer, more complex. And that's really all that matters in the end...the sound.

There is no ideal sound I'm going for. Currently, I have archtops with a floating humbucker (Nickerson) and a floating fat, high output single coil (Guild Artist Award)...a built-in humbucker sounds totally different, and that's what I want to fill out my stable.

Go to 1:16 in the video below.

youtube

Like I said, that sound is all that matters.

Well, and the looks.

I'll have one in the next 3-5 years.

#Youtube

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teacherintransition · 1 year

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Getting it Right Again…For the Very First Time

Self actualize, prioritize, …realize

The transition…looking back, fighting regrets, did you live the life you wanted?

Greetings lounge lizards, ne’er do wells, seekers, finders, travelers of the wind and or world … you open minded wanderers. The teacher in transition finds himself inspired …finally …with martini in hand to expound philosophical. We are three weeks into our time here in the Round Rock/ Georgetown/ Austin area and feel settled in enough to have explored the area and allowed it to work it’s magic. Each of our temporary homes have been genuinely unique in experience and effect on us.

The Austin area has a reputation of being an open minded, free thinking and perspective altering place. I’ve found my essential coffee house for my writing, planning and reading. We have enjoyed some incredible places to dine and have a drink; and beautiful landscapes that the Texas Hill Country is known for. In addition, I’ve wandered into some art spaces that have been very motivational. These places can be found most everywhere if one just slows down to look for them. As part of the post career explorative adventures I’ve taken, seeking out such locations is a non negotiable. The overall results have been positive, but there are two sides to every coin. Self actualization has taken one on the chin.

Though on the back side of fifty I may be, this …place has reawakened the youthful state of mind of a guy in his twenties. The bitter taste realized by who I am is that I never got to be that guy in his twenties. College was an exciting, challenging, growing time for me where I realized what I was capable of achieving and learning. Instead of going to art shows, concerts, hiking explorations, dining experimentations, late night adventures and intellectual musings …what was I doing? I was working sixty hours a week, changing diapers, coaching baseball, teaching Sunday school and getting a mortgage. Uh huh …opportunities missed. Do not get me wrong sports fans, I’ve held my mission to teach and to raise a family in the highest of regards, nothing higher in my mind, but being here …now …tickles the strings of regret just ever so. Regrets, we’ve all got ‘em, but we all don’t try to fix ‘em before it’s too late. I’m trying.

The adage, “better late than never” certainly is apropos here. I’m currently reading, “Singing Backwards and Weep” by Mark Lanegan; the frontman for the Screaming Trees, member of Mad Season and Queens of The Stone Age and renowned “Grunge” poet of the nineties. He was an artist I’ve held in tremendously high regard along with other nineties Rock luminaries like Kurt Cobain, Andrew Wood, Chris Cornell, Jerry Cantrell, Eddie Vedder, Travis Meeks and on and on. The level of self expression and awareness presented in a painful, deep form of music; hell, any form of art (I’m looking at you Vincent V.G. and Robin W.) amazes me and awakens the deepest longing to just touch the hem of their garment …so to speak. I wasn’t seeking any of that when passion burns brightest in our lives …I was Ward Cleaver.

What if? Where would I have been? A torment all to common too humanity when they dare to look back. Did I live the life I truly wanted? Yes, but it comes with a degree of tormenting regret. A degree …maybe a couple, but I’m …here …now. To become the legend that Mark Lanegan, Cobain, Staley, Cornell, Weiland, Gossard … a terrible price was exacted to achieve the dream of artist. Five of the guys I just listed didn’t make it to my current age of fifty six; all of them left families broken and alone. I wished to be an artist of spectacular accomplishment, but that’s a price I wouldn’t have wanted to pay. Yes, I was domesticated and obligated; yes, it was regimented and stifling at times, but I have a beautiful family a career legacy of helping young people. And I’m here …I’m …here …right …now. Walt Whitman says it clearly and magnificently in his poem, “O Me! O Life:”

O Me! O Life!

BY WALT WHITMAN

Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,

Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,

Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)

Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,

Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,

Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,

The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

Answer.

That you are here—that life exists and identity,

That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.*

I am here …I exist …now. I have a voice. I have regrets. I have …now. I think I’ll go sing.

*Whitman, Walt; “O Me! O Life!;” Leaves of Grass; 1892

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