#this is a really shitty doodle and i fucked up the perspective on her left shoulder and i inverted the shading

[isorottatime]

okay i like the kanan parallel + how her long hair represents her not taking care of herself but it should be shittily dyed & grown out with an azula-style fringe cause otherwise she’s just a conventional tiktok girl

(pose referenced from mellon_soup on insta + patreon)

SUPPORT THE STRIKES

#.txt #star wars #sabine wren #sabineposting #ahsoka show #this is a really shitty doodle and i fucked up the perspective on her left shoulder and i inverted the shading #-made it orangey and used bloom to make the light look nice but it doesnt matter cause its better than how she looks in the show 🫶 #my art stuff #swr #star wars rebels #sabine star wars #ahsoka series #sabine wren redesign #star wars redesign #id in alt text #tell me if the image id is too rambly. i dont use screen readers so idk what the best length would be #trying to keep it concise while still keeping detail #fan art #rebels #sw rebels #‘ahsoka’ is the name of the show so should i tag that or would that clog her tag ‼️⁉️ #i wont just to be safe #disney+

[soulwillower]

how to remember • ben hanscom

(ben hanscom x plus size!reader)

requested: Hi! Can I request a Ben Hanscom x plus size reader, if you're ok with that? The reader is the youngest member of the losers club who had a crush on Ben. When the losers reunite she realises that she still like him but believes that he would never go with her. Angst with a fluffy ending, thanks!

i love ben! i hope u enjoy!!

warning: swearing, a little angst, fluff :) also unedited

[everyone’s aged up! this takes place during chapter 2]

2.1k words

♡

you walk into the back room of the jade of the orient apprehensively, totally unsure of that's going to happen or, frankly, who's even waiting for you on the other side of the wall. you walk into the room to find three men who turn and look at you. you blink at their familiar and yet strange faces - you feel completely removed from them and yet somehow completely connected. you recognize mike hanlon, who had called you last night to summon you. there was a pit in your stomach. "y/n." mike says, and you pull him into a hug, smiling into his shoulder.

"m-mike." you stutter, memories of a smiling, laughing boy driving you around in his pickup truck and stargazing with you on your roof coming back to you slowly. "y/n?" you hear and you stare at the two, your face melting into a grin as you recognize them, "eddie? bill?" you ask and they laugh in disbelief. you pull them in for hugs, remembering all those late nights on bill's roof, building forts and playing chicken with eddie and so many childhood memories previously abandoned.

a gong makes you all jump and turn towards the entrance of the room. your jaw drops as eddie calls out something stupid. you're distracted though, because your world has just stopped.

first, it's just a name. ben hanscom.

next, you lock eyes with a man and his eyes make flashes of blushing grins, old books, walk-mans, and laughter fill your memory. you can't breathe.

and then, memories hit you like a ton of fucking bricks. you blanch, feeling your chest fill with ice. ben's lost a lot of weight and has definitely gained some back in muscle. he looks relatively the same, though. the same kind eyes, the same smile, the same soft voice that you fell in love with-

holy shit.

you had loved him. it all comes back to you and as he pulls you into a tight hug, his hand rubbing your back the way it always used to, you almost want to cry.

you remember when you met him, that summer in '98 when you'd made the blood oath. you can't remember why you were all there in the sewers of derry, or why all you can recall are feelings complete terror and fear; but you can remember ben's jokes, the way he used to walk you home, and the years that you and him spent together with the others in the clubhouse at the middle school, and then the high school.

you remember how shy you used to feel whenever richie would tease the two of you. you remember in high school how ben would drive you to and from school since you didn't get your license until a year after them, or the hours you spent hanging around the library with ben during his shifts, messing around with eddie or reading patiently for ben to clock out.

you remember the hours that you spent in anxiety and self disappointment over an unrequited love. ben was ben, and you were just you.

and you remember how lost you were when they all left. you were a year younger, so when they graduated and left to meet all of their separate futures, you were stuck in the awful town by yourself, not sure if you'd ever see them again. you barely remember saying goodbye to him, wanting to tell him you loved him but knowing he could never love you back. but you vaguely remember that you'd given him the photo that'd been taken of you guys in the photo booth at the arcade as a parting gift, your cheeks wet as he promised he'd come back and visit.

he never did, though.

but now, ben pulls away from your hug and effectively breaks the trance you'd been lulled into. "it's been so long," he says warmly. "you look just how i remember you." he says softly and certainly not unkindly. but your stomach still twists at his words, that familiar insecurity creeping up on you. "oh, yeah." you say with a fake laugh, trying not to look hurt by his words as you tuck your hair behind your ear. "you- um, you look great." you say with a smile. he returns it, "so do you, y/n/n."

you still get butterflies when he uses your childhood nickname.

"y/n." you hear in a whisper, and you turn to see beverly marsh - how could you have ever forgotten her? she pulls you into a tight hug, just like she used to when you were younger. your heart hurt.

the dinner was going smoothly, all of you downing drinks and rowdily spewing out your childhood memories right when they came to you. "didn't... y/n, didn't you work at that one diner? and haystack used to always play new kids on the block on the jukebox!" richie says, pointing to you. you raise your eyebrows as you remember, "wow, yeah... i got fired because i wouldn't wear the uniform." you say, remembering with a sheepish expression.

you'd stopped trying to fit into the ugly uniforms that your shitty manager made everyone wear, because he refused to buy them in the size that fit you. he'd said that you needed to 'solve the problem himself,' and you'd felt like shit for his words. it was terrible, but nobody else who worked there stood up for you. to them you were a loser, of course.

but you also remember when you'd told the losers and stan had gotten so mad that he'd started tearing up, richie and eddie went to egg the diner, bev and mike dumped shakes on the floor in front of the manager, and mike and bill had sent countless letters filled with very... untasteful doodles of the manager on them. he'd also reported him, though, and the losers actually got him fired. it was good to know that they were always there for you, even though you felt awful after what had happened - but they helped you learn to love yourself.

you remember that ben had found you the night you'd been fired, sitting at the quarry with tears leaking out of your eyes. he hadn't done anything except put his arm around you, letting you cry as he rubbed your back. he'd brought cookies and so you shared them under the moonlight and you remember thinking that you were invincible, the eight of you. forever.

now, as richie brings up ben's weight loss, you play with your fork on your plate, feeling hollow. you were so happy and very glad (although nervous) to be back with them. you watch as bev and ben catch eyes and you suddenly realize that even if you still love him, it doesn't matter.

for the same reason it never would have mattered if you'd said those words all those years ago. you couldn't be enough for him.

ben was just as perfect now as he was then - passionate, dedicated, teasing but in a gentle way, and above all caring. as you and the others reminisce in your memories, you accept that you'll never get to be with ben, and you feel like you're living through this heartbreak all over again.

as you pace in the lobby of the inn, you run your hands through your hair and try to calm your breathing. stan was gone. he was gone, you'd been attacked by fucking demon fortune cookies, and you just remembered your entire childhood. including the terrorizing demon clown who ate children and tried to kill you when you were thirteen. how did you guys get through that? you can't believe anything that's happening. "y/n." ben's voice makes you snap your head up, your breathing ragged. "y-yeah?" you ask, your voice cracking. you clear your throat though, nodding to yourself. this is okay, you've gotten through so much shit in your life, you can get through this too.

"so...you were a year younger right?" ben asks, making you look up. you nod, resisting the urge to point out that you still are. he takes a breath, "what- uh, what happened when i left? i can't remember why we didn't keep in touch."

you feel sick to your stomach and you shrug dejectedly, "i don't really remember. i didn't really talk to anybody my senior year because.... well... you guys were all gone and never called. i didn't understand what had happened, but everyone else in town..." you trail off. ben knows just as well as you that the people in derry did not take kindly to the losers club, especially back in those times when people's bodies could make them an easy target. it was fucked up. "yeah, i don't really remember much." you finish. it's quiet for a moment.

"i don't understand how i could have forgotten you." he says quietly, sounding bewildered. you blush but you shake your head. "it's not your fault. something weird happens when you leave this town." you say, eyes trained on your legs. you wanted to cry. "what, and that makes it okay?” ben says softly, sitting next to you on the staircase. your stomach hollows when his hand falls on your back, just like old times, and you shake your head. "well, i guess." you mutter, shrugging. you never really looked at it from that perspective.

"i'm so, so sorry." he says and you shake you're head. this was all too much. the boy that you loved - the man that you still love - is sitting next to you, right there for you to hold. you've lost him once before and you never want that to happen again, but you know he's not yours to hold.

you pull your face into your hands, shaking your head. "y/n, what's wrong? i mean- today has been crazy, i get it. how can i help?" he asks and you want to chuckle and scream and cry all at once. he's still the same kind and caring person, even after all this time. "it's okay, ben. i'm sorry, this is just... a lot." your voice is watery and weak.

"i keep trying to remember all this stuff from back then... but all i can remember is being around you. you were the most amazing kid, y/n. i looked up to you so much, you were so full of life and you were so funny, i just feel like... i just-" he cuts himself off, rubbing his face with his hand. your

"hey, it's okay, ben. it's me, i'm no stranger." you say lightly, making you both chuckle at the irony of your statement. but your smiles melts and you realize you're becoming too hopeful, knowing you're about to have your heart broken as he opens his mouth.

“y/n...i feel like i've missed out on a whole lifetime with you.” he says quietly. your stomach flips as you look at him, his hand coming up to your cheek. your eyes meet and his honey ones are searching yours for something, desperation and adoration swimming through them. "ben, what are you saying?" you whisper, watching as his eyes flicker to your lips and your stomach flutters like you were about to have your first kiss all over again.

"i'm saying i think i've loved you since we were thirteen." he says with a swallow and you beam. he's still staring at you and you bite your lip. "ben, i love you too." you whisper. he smiles, his hand rubbing your cheek with a fond smile.

he leans in slowly, allowing time for you to lean back, but as soon as your lips are touching he's surging forward, pressing his body to yours. his lips are warm and soft on yours and you almost want to cry. you feel like even though everything is crazy, ben is the one constant - he's the one that got away. but he's here now, he loves you, he always has, despite everything. or because of everything. he kisses you like he loves you. you know he does.

"oh, hey! this is new." a voice breaks the peace as eddie's feet land in front of you. as you and ben pull away from each other, you're both grinning sheepishly but you're slightly annoyed that eddie interrupted you. eddie plows through in his classic panicked fashion. "hate to bother you, but can you guys come in here for a sec? we've got a little problem." he says breathlessly. you roll your eyes but ben stands, watching as eddie walks back into the other room.

he pulls you up and towards his chest and you blush darkly at your proximity. he leans towards you again though, catching your lips with his in a deep, passionate kiss. his hands fall to your hips, pulling you even closer and you try not to gasp at the feeling of his lips on yours. your hands wrap around his neck and you pull away, biting your lip as you look at him. he smiles at you, whispering softly, "let's go," before slipping his hand into yours and following eddie.

you waited more than thirty years for this, and you think it was worth every fucking second.  

#ben hanscom #ben hanscom x reader #stanley uris #mike hanlon #bill denbrough #richie tozier #beverly marsh #eddie kaspbrak #losers #the losers club #losers club x reader #my writing