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spookyfbi · 4 years

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Another untitled Klave fic

I’m like 95% certain that Klaus changed the timeline so Dave never met him so even though I don’t want it I still made a fic about it in the hopes that maybe if I write it down it won’t happen in the show. Also some Ben angst because of course

Klaus walked into the Veterans of Foreign Wars bar and glanced at the wall where he knew Dave’s photo was. He’d go see Dave in a minute, but he needed a drink first. Oh god, he needed a drink, or several. Actually, he needed a line of coke, but a drink would suffice for now. He could imagine Ben’s whine… Don’t do it, Klaus… Be strong, Klaus… Oh, Ben. He missed his brother. That emo Ben doppelgänger and his pals had done a number on Klaus and his siblings back at the Academy, and after being unceremoniously thrown out of their former home, Five had told them not to separate, but Alison had wanted to go see Claire (if her daughter was even alive in this timeline) and they all just sort of dispersed to see what this new timeline was all about. Klaus didn’t much care who he was in this timeline, he just needed a little pick-me-up after… everything. So he grabbed a shot glass and filled it with some spirit or other and sent it down the hatch.

Klaus downed a few more shots and then stumbled his way over to Dave. He looked at the photo and… wait. Wait, what? Klaus furrowed his brow as he stared at the photo through the glass. Dave wasn’t in the photo, and for that matter, neither was Klaus. Klaus leaned in to the photo, reaching his hands out to the glass, trying to make sense of what he was seeing. He was vaguely aware of someone approaching and standing next to him.

“Hey…” the man said.

Klaus sighed and waved the man away without taking his eyes from the photo. “Yeah yeah, I know, Vets only. Look, I’m kind of having a moment here, if you don’t mind, so kindly buzz off and leave me alone.” Klaus just felt so tired and he just wanted to see his dead boyfriend’s face without having to deal with some asshole who thought he didn’t belong.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt, I just… I always hoped I’d see you again. So I could thank you.”

Klaus rolled his eyes. Oh god… He grabbed the man’s hand and looked at his palm. No ‘Hello’ or ‘Good bye’. “Oh, thank god.” Not a cult member. He let go of the man’s hand and returned his gaze back to the photo and something nagged at him at the back of his mind that he might have paid attention to if he were more sober.

“Y’know, you were wrong about A Shau Valley, Hill 689. I was never sent there. But you were right about Dune, so thanks for the book recommendation.”

Klaus froze. Slowly he turned to look at this man, and god… those familiar kind blue eyes looked back at him, hidden under more than a few wrinkles.

“It wasn’t published till 1965 though, so that’s kind of interesting, considering you told me about it in 1963.” The elderly Dave that stood before him folded his arms with a playful smirk.

Klaus let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and it came out as a sob, along with the tears that were burning his eyes, and once he started he couldn’t stop. Klaus wept in this Veteran’s bar in front of an elderly Dave who knew him only as a peacenik cult leader who tried and failed to persuade him not to enlist. He wept for Dave and he wept for Ben and he wept for himself and he wept for the cut on his lip that still stung whenever he thought about it, and he tried not to think about it, tried to drown the memory in as much booze as he could manage.

“Hey…” Dave’s smirk vanished and he looked at Klaus with concern. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he placed a hand on Klaus’ arm and god… to feel Dave’s touch again. It was too much and not enough and everything and Klaus drew in a shaky breath but it came out in another sob. Dave moved his hand to Klaus’ back and gestured to a nearby seat. “Come on, why don’t you sit down, I’ll get you a drink.”

Klaus sat down and took a few deep breaths, rubbing his eyes with his palms. Slowly he felt himself calming down, and Dave returned with a large glass of very light beer and Klaus had to smile. He took the beer and cradled it between his hands. “I’m sorry…” he began, looking sheepishly at Dave, who took the seat next to him.

Dave shook his head. “Oh, no. You’re clearly going through something.” Dave let it hang for a moment and then when Klaus didn’t respond, “I know I’m just some stranger you haven’t seen since 1963, but… if you want to talk…”

And he did, god he did. He wanted to talk to Dave… or to Ben… or to anyone who would listen or care how he was feeling. But what could he possibly tell this Dave that wouldn’t sound completely insane? “I lost my brother… earlier today” It was still today, wasn’t it? Or was it yesterday? Or was it more accurate to say 56 years ago?

“I’m so sorry.” Dave said gently. “I know how much it hurts to lose someone.”

Klaus straightened up and looked at Dave. “You do?”

Dave nodded. “My husband, Frank. Complications related to Alzheimers, 3 years ago. He was 74, so it wasn’t exactly unexpected, but… I still miss him every day. But we had 52 happy years together.”

“I’m sorry.” Klaus whispered. He was never good at math when dear old Dad wanted him to be, but he was pretty quick when it was important to him, even when he was high or drunk. Figuring out if he was getting a good deal on the shit he was being sold, figuring out how far he could stretch it when money was a little tight. Klaus found his mind making the calculation before he’d even meant to. 2019 - 3 - 52 = 1964. That closeted 19 year old who couldn’t even admit the real reason he wanted to enlist in the army somehow met a young man named Frank only a year later who he would end up marrying. Dave met a man named Frank in 1964, which meant that Dave and this Frank were together in 1968. Dave was not single in 1968. Dave had a long and happy life with a man named Frank. Klaus didn’t know how to feel.

“It feels good to remember him. To talk about him.” Dave leaned forward and cocked his head. “Would you like to talk about your brother?”

Klaus closed his eyes and nodded. “Ben…” he whispered, then he sniffed. “He was always looking out for me. But he was sorta mean and whiny about it sometimes. Be strong Klaus, don’t give into temptation Klaus, have some eggs and orange juice Klaus, don’t forget to go to your AA meeting Klaus…”

“AA?” Dave looked down at the beer Klaus was holding and gently took it back from him and placed it on a nearby table. He looked back at Klaus with a kind smile.

“Oh, like that one beer would’ve made a difference. I had seven shots of rum just now and a half a bottle of tequila before I got here.”

“Well, it’s never too late to stop.”

“Why bother?” Klaus leaned back in the seat and gazed at Dave and god if this were his Dave who could love him and live the rest of his life with him he might consider it, but… “I’ve failed at everything I’ve ever tried. I’m just sexy trash. I know this and I accept it. Why fight it?” Klaus reached for the beer but Dave slid it further away. “You know it’s free drinks here, I could just get some more myself.” Dave said nothing but just looked at Klaus and Klaus looked back at Dave and he told himself he could get up and get some more booze if he wanted to but something in him held him in his seat. “What do you care anyway, old man?”

“I could ask you the same question. What did you care if some kid from Dallas enlisted in the army and died in the Vietnam war?” Klaus sighed. How could he possibly begin to answer that question? How could he possibly explain it to this Dave? “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me. I’ve gone this long without an answer.” Dave shifted in his seat. “I don’t think your trash, far from it.”

Klaus pointed at Dave. “But you do think I’m sexy.”

Dave chuckled. “Well I am very gay. And I may be old, but my eyes are still fully functioning. So yeah, I think you’re sexy. And you’re confident and brave in a way that I really wanted to be when I was younger. Y’know, I thought about you, when I saw Frank in a bar in Saigon. He was so handsome and I wanted to go up and talk to him. I was so scared, but I thought of you. I thought of how… completely unapologetic and unashamed you were when my uncle called you a queer. And I thought… I can do it. I can be like that too. I was so nervous. But I thought of you and I felt a little bit braver. And I did it. My hands were shaking the whole time, but I did it. I said hi and I asked if I could buy him a drink and he said yes. And we talked and we danced and… god, I was shaking all over, but… I kissed him. And he kissed me back, and that was it, we were inseparable ever since. You inspired me. You inspired me to talk to Frank and we had a wonderful life together. You may not have saved me from enlisting but you saved me in another way. You saved me from myself. I always wanted to tell you that.”

“Oh, god…” Klaus leaned forward and put his head in his hands. “That’s so wonderful.” He felt like he was going to be sick. “I’m a god damn fucking gay love guru.” A bar in Saigon. Drinks, dancing, talking, a kiss. It was a familiar story, just with a different love interest. Frank, that lucky bastard, whoever he was.

“Hey, are you okay?” Klaus felt Dave’s hand on his back and it was warm… hot, it was too hot and too much because Dave fell in love with a man named Frank in a bar in Saigon in 1964.

Klaus sat back up. “Oh yeah, I’m peaches and cream, baby. I’m…” Klaus forced the words out, “…so happy for you. It’s just, y’know, what’s that story about the Cobbler with no feet?”

“The Cobbler’s children have no shoes?”

“Right.”

Dave seemed to hesitate for a moment. “I don’t mean to burden you while you’re grieving. I wanted you to know what it meant to me to see someone like you when I was younger, but… not if it upsets you. I can go if you’d rather be alone right now.”

“No please don’t go” the words slipped out before Klaus could hold them back because god, he hadn’t been alone in 17 years, and the thought of it frightened him.

Dave nodded.

“Y’know, Ben didn’t think I should talk to you, back in 1963.” Klaus let out a chuckle. “I wish I could see the look on his face right now.”

“What would he say?”

“Oh, I don’t know, he’d probably say I shouldn’t be talking to you right now.”

“Why’s that?”

“Oh…” Klaus shook his head. “It’s… so complicated…” Klaus pointed a finger at Dave “Hey, do me a favour. Promise me you won’t ever time travel. That shit’ll mess you up.”

Dave chuckled. “Sure, next time I’m offered the opportunity to time travel.”

“Yeah…” Klaus looked down. “Ben was a good brother. And I was kind of a shitty brother.” He looked back up at Dave. “In my defence, I had a shitty childhood. When I left home at 17, Ben came with me, and he’s been with me ever since, an annoying angel on my shoulder whining at me about how I was screwing up my life. Until this afternoon…”

“Sounds irritating”

“Oh god, you have no idea! So irritating! But… as much as I hate to admit it, he did talk me out of some of the dumber shit I could have done. He was just looking out for me. And I didn’t really appreciate it. And now he’s gone and I’m…” Klaus swallowed. “I’m scared.” He’d never been this open with anyone before, except for Dave. But this wasn’t his Dave. But it felt so good to pretend, to share his burdens with someone who actually listened and didn’t just see him as a no good junkie. “I’m scared…” he chuckled nervously, avoiding eye contact. “of the dumb shit I’m going to do without him telling me not to.”

“Like what?”

“Oh, y’know, I mean… well us junkies do have a tendency to find ourselves overdosed in some ditch somewhere.”

Dave looked at him for what felt like the longest time and Klaus chuckled to lighten the mood but it didn’t seem to work. “Do you know the assisted living facility just up the road?” Klaus shook his head because why on earth would he? Dave gestured behind Klaus. “It’s that big building with the blue roof, you can’t miss it.”

Klaus looked back and he could see it through the bar window. “Okay…” he said, turning back to Dave.

“I live there. Frank and I moved there when he started… forgetting things.” Dave cleared his throat. “Anyway… if you feel like you’re gonna do something dumb, or if you just want to talk, you come there and see me, okay? I’ll tell the girls who work reception to expect you, they’re really nice.”

Klaus felt his lower lip trembling and he smiled to keep from crying again. He swallowed hard. “Oh… I’ve guilted you into saying that…”

“No, not at all”

“Come on…”

“Look, I’m an old widower with no kids who lives in a nursing home. I don’t get too many visitors. I’d love for you to come talk to me, about anything you like. That is, if you’d ever want to visit a lonely old man in a nursing home.”

Klaus couldn’t hold back his sob this time. “Yeah, I’d like that a lot, actually.”

Dave smiled.

“Hey… this might sound weird, and feel free to say no if you like, but…” Klaus took a deep breath and it was getting easier to see his Dave beneath all those wrinkles. “Can I lean my head on your shoulder?” When Dave didn’t respond immediately, Klaus shook his head. “You can say no, I mean, that was… really forward, I just…”

“Sure” Klaus peered at Dave carefully, and Dave smiled warmly and nodded, holding his arm out in invitation. So Klaus rested his head on Dave’s shoulder, and Dave put his arm around Klaus, and Klaus let the tears come. “I know sometimes it’s nice to be held, when you’re upset.”

“Yeah…” Klaus sobbed through the tears.

#klave #klaus x dave #klaus/dave #dave katz #klaus hargreeves

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gra-sonas · 4 years

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Alex Manes - an essay

Alright, my inbox is bursting with asks, and I’ll get to them (tomorrow, it’s almost midnight D: ), but I’ve been thinking about this all day while trying to work (had to get up and angrily pace my flat several times), and I had to write it all down to get it off my chest. (Also, I’m sorry, but once again Tumblr won’t let me add a Read More, after two attempts at creating new posts with a Read More, I’m giving up 🙈)

As viewers, we’ve been introduced to two different versions of Alex.

Alex at 17

wears mostly black

puts on nail polish, eyeliner and jewellery, including a stud earring and a septum piercing

loves skateboarding

plays the guitar

works at the UFO Emporium

his mom, a Native American woman from a New Mexican tribe left the family when he was younger

has 3 brothers, presumably they’re all older than Alex

Alex at 27/28

a soldier, he’s been in the Air Force for a decade

a decorated purple heart airman with three deployments under his belt

an amputee, he lost part of his right leg in an attack in Iraq, sometimes uses a crutch

a codebreaker who's hacked into Russian and Chinese intelligence

a man who still dips fries into his milkshake

the nail polish, spiky hair, piercings and jewellery are gone

Alex wears fatigues occasionally, his civil clothes are mostly neutral colored shirts/jeans (until The Leather Jacket™ in 1x13)

we don’t know whether he still plays the guitar

his brothers are also all military, Flint (~2 years older than Alex) is a Special Forces Weapons Sergeant with the US Army

Quotes from/about Alex’s youth (incl. Jesse’s abuse)

1x01, Alex: "We're not kids anymore. What I want doesn't matter.“

✧→ 17 year old Alex hoped to escape his father one day, he dreamt of making music. His hopes were shattered that day in the toolshed, and Alex hasn’t allowed himself to go for what he wants since then - including Michael.

1x02, Alex: “Made me think about... I don't know, who I was when this started. Before I went to war.”

1x05, Kyle: “Do you remember that night your dad made us set up that tent to teach us extreme weather survival?” Alex: “Yeah. Your dad had driven home for the night, so mine concocted a brand-new form of kiddie torture.”

1x05, Alex: “My dad was a homophobic, abusive dick."

1x05: Alex: “The dad I got was a monster. Is a monster.” Kyle: “Because he sent you off to war?” Alex: “My father was my war. And your dad saw it, when we were kids. Do you remember the summer - that we built the tree house?” Kyle: “Yeah.” Alex: “That's the summer that my dad found out I was gay. He knew before I did. He thought he could beat it out of me. Jim tried to intervene. But you can't make someone stop hating someone. And my dad hated me.”

✧→ Alex is talking about his father/childhood matter-of-factly, but the language he’s using to describe his childhood allows a glimpse at the hell he went through: torture (through extreme survival trainings), homophobic abuse, his dad is a monster, sent him to war, for years tried beating the gay out of Alex, Jesse hates him. This is not just a homophobic remark his dad made at the dinner table, this informs us about years of violence and abuse Alex endured at the hands of his father.

1x06, Alex: “Things at my house suck.“

✧→ Many teenagers will probably say this at some point while growing up, this isn’t about Alex being upset about a curfew, or having to do his homework tho. This is as much as Alex will disclose about the ongoing abuse.

1x06: Alex: “Dad, this has nothing to do with you.“ Jesse: “Everything you do... everything. And I will not be humiliated.“

✧→ This is Alex, terrified of what his dad might do. And he knows that Jesse will do something (he’s already picked up the hammer). Alex expects violence, because that’s what his dad has done to him numerous times. 😔

1x07, Mimi: "You look like your dad today." Alex: "Oh, good. I was hoping that the rage face might skip a generation."

1x08, Alex: “I've been looking for leverage my entire life.“

✧→ “My entire life”, a clear indication that having Jesse as a dad’s never been a walk in the park, Alex just got the special ‘anti gay’ treatment as a bonus when he got older.

1x08, Alex: “When I was...- I wanted to make music. You sent me to war.“

✧→ Alex at 17 wanted to make music, and although he never says it, I think it’s implied that he never planned to join the military. Jesse didn’t give him a choice though, he made Alex enlist, probably threatening him with what he’d do to Michael if Alex didn’t do as he was told.

1x08, Alex: "Why are you trying to frame Michael? Haven't you done enough to him?"

1x08, Alex: "Do not talk to me about unprovoked violence!"

1x09, Michael: "And what do you want to say, Alex?” Alex: That I loved you. And I think that you loved me. For a long time.” Michael: “Yeah.” Alex: "But we didn't even know each other that well, did we? I mean, we just, we-we connected, - like something… -“ Michael: “Cosmic.” Alex: "Yeah, but we didn't even do that much talking."

1x10, Alex: "My dad is a bigot with no moral compass."

1x12, Flint (to Alex): "You ever get tired of being the black sheep of the family?"

1x13, Alex: "Look... I shouldn't have left you behind when I enlisted. I could... I could stand here and tell you that I didn't want to leave, but I did. After what my dad did to you, I just, I... I wanted to be the kind of person who won battles. But now I-I look in the mirror, and I-I don't even see myself sometimes. I see my father. I'm still fighting his battles. Not mine."

✧→ It’s kinda implied that Alex never wanted to enlist, but once Jesse forced him to do it, he tried to make the most of it. He wanted to be the kind of person who won battles. He was also looking for leverage, something he could use to take his dad down.

✧→ Alex at 17 wanted to get out, he wanted to make music and live life his way. Since Jesse was going to beat him for being gay anyway, he’d at least wear what he wanted, put on make up, and wear jewellery. Jesse hadn’t manage to break Alex.

✧→ The shed incident changed everything, because someone else got hurt. And from Alex’s POV it was because of Alex. Because he’d been selfish. He’d wanted Michael. And because of that Michael got injured.

Now that we’ve established the basics, onto Carina’s statement.

“Alex was too ashamed of Michael (not of being gay, which Maria knew, but of michael specifically) to name him to Maria for 10 years - until he saw Maria as a threat.” [x]

✧→ At 17, we saw how much Alex cared about Michael, that he wanted him safe and warm bc nights twere too cold to sleep in the car. That’s why Alex offered Michael to stay in the shed. He liked Michael, and he wanted to spend time with him. He even brought Michael a guitar bc he thought Michael would like to play. None of Alex’s behavior gives any indication that he was ashamed of Michael before the shed incident.

✧→ 17 year old Alex was afraid of his father, no surprise after years of abuse, but he also seemed confident, defiant even, believing he could handle it for a little bit longer until he’d finished high school and would finally be able to leave to make music. Despite living under Jesse’s roof, he dressed in all black, openly wore make up, nail polish, and jewellery/piercings, refusing to be another picture perfect son of his military father. We didn’t see it on screen, but given Jesse’s homophobic views, Alex’s behavior very likely caused his father to punish him in some way for it.

✧→ Then Michael kissed Alex at the UFO Emporium, Alex kissed back, one thing lead to another and they ended up at the shed where they had sex for the first time. It was Michael’s first time with a guy, we don’t know whether it was Alex’s first time tho. Alex still didn’t show any signs of being ashamed of Michael.

They were SO in love and happy in that moment. 🥺

✧→ When Jesse and the hammer happened, and it changed everything. Up until that moment, Alex had been used to his father’s abuse, he’d been strong enough, he’d been convinced he could take it, but this time someone else got badly hurt, and I think that broke something in Alex.

✧→ We never saw how things played out for Alex after Michael left the shed, all we know is that Jesse made Alex enlist. And given Jesse’s preference for blackmailing (he blackmailed Jenna, and Alex asked Flint what Jesse had on him) it’s probably fair to assume that Jesse threatened to go after Michael should Alex not do as he says.

Alex didn’t tell Maria for a decade because he was ashamed of Michael (at 17)?

Say what now???

There are several good reasons why Alex wouldn’t have told her, but shame isn’t one of them... I’m sure Alex thought of Maria as a trustworthy friend back then, but the most important reason why he wouldn’t reveal who ‘museum guy’ was would be the one the straight showrunner of the show’s apparently not aware of:

Alex would’ve outed Michael (without Michael’s consent I’d like to add) to Maria by telling her who it was. As a gay kid in 2008, I’m sure Alex was very well aware of LGBTQ etiquette, and the first rule of queer club is, you don’t out a fellow queer. And guess who’d just experience a brutal attack because he’s queer? Why would Alex ever consider outing Michael and potentially putting him at risk???

The outing reason alone would be enough to explain why Alex never told her who it was. And in 1x10 he didn’t outright out Michael either, Maria realized it was Guerin and Alex reluctantly confirmed (there was no way for him to plausibly deny it).

1x10, Alex: “It is just a standard, run-of-the-mill boy problem. Oh, come on. Don't give me psychic face, Maria.” Maria: “It's the guy from the museum, the one that kissed you into crazy stupid love when we were kids. He's back?” Alex: “Wha... How-how do you do that?” Maria: “You're just... I feel it, you're-you're hopeful, like you were before. Who is he? Come on, spill it. I've been waiting ten years for this. - Come on.” Alex: “You... you wouldn't believe it.” Maria: “It's not like you're hooking up with Wyatt Long or Michael Guerin or something. Geez. Please tell me you're in love with Wyatt Long. Wow.” Alex: “Michael's not so bad after a shower. But you know that.” Maria: “I had no idea...” Alex: “I know. I mean, how would you?” Maria: “It meant nothing, Alex. Seriously, I swear, it was just a drunk, dusty, no-good Texas rounder."

Another reason why Alex wouldn’t necessarily have told Maria: Alex was traumatized by what happened at the shed. This wasn’t just the ‘normal’ kind of abuse he endured on the regular (which is a boatload of trauma all of its own), someone else had been hurt, someone Alex liked, and because Alex liked him. On top of that Jesse likely threatened him. There’s no way Alex wasn’t scared and deeply traumatized. It’s fairly common that victims of abuse don’t tell anyone about it, out of fear even more bad things could happen, there’s surely also a lot of shame and self-blaming involved.

Alex also knew that Michael was homeless, and probably not yet of age. Jesse could’ve threatened Alex to put Michael back into the system or whatnot.

Absolutely NOTHING we’ve seen on screen suggests that Alex was ashamed of Michael when they were 17. Alex joined the military afterwards, and was away for a decade. Not many opportunities to talk about it to Maria, but again, the first reason (outing Michael) is a perfectly valid reason not to tell her for an entire decade. And this being a major trauma, Alex probably didn’t feel like opening that box again after such a long time.

And wow, claiming that Alex waited to tell Maria (which isn’t exactly what happened) because she felt threatened by her? Sure, Alex just waited for the right moment. 🙄

Is Alex ashamed of Michael at 27/28?

In 1x03 it seems like Alex let’s his father’s words get to him. “Seems to me the only one you're embarrassing is yourself, son.“ I’ve always interpreted this as a thinly veiled threat tho, and Alex, on instinct, immediately put distance between himself and Michael. Because before he talked to his father? Alex was perfectly happy to be seen with Michael, if he'd been ashamed, as Carina claims, he wouldn’t have approached Michael in public in the first place.

This is also how I read the scene in 1x02: “What happened at the reunion cannot happen again.“ In the pilot, Jesse had been part of the group of soldiers poking around Michael’s Airstream, and Alex saw the way his father looked at them talking. Then they kissed at the reunion, and I’m sure it felt so good and like coming home, but the fear of what Jesse could do if he found out was back the next morning, and Alex once more tried to put distance between himself and Michael to keep Michael save.

This is not an excuse for Alex pushing Michael away, not an excuse for Alex to call him a criminal either. That is absolutely shitty behavior and not okay. I just don’t buy this ‘Alex is ashamed of Michael’ shtick.

Friendly reminder that Maria did not only tell Alex in 1x10 “It meant nothing, Alex. Seriously, I swear, it was just a drunk, dusty, no-good Texas rounder.", here’s what she said in her next scene with Guerin:

1x10, Maria: “We're closed. - You found my necklace.” Michael: “Clasp broke. I fixed it. I think it calls for a celebration. And by celebration, I mean booze, preferably the free kind.” Maria: “Alex is one of my best friends.” Michael: “Congrats.” Maria: “I never would have slept with you if I knew you two had history. It can't happen again.”

So in 1x10 Maria

learned Michael is 'museum guy’

realized that Alex is in love with Michael (still), and hopeful

swore to Alex it was a one time thing and that it meant nothing

told Michael that Alex is one of her best friends (and you don’t go after your best friends’ love interests)

she would’ve never slept with Michael had she known

she also says it can’t happen again

And yet Carina’s surprised why many few fans don’t understand

what made Maria ignore Liz’s advice to talk to Alex (which would’ve been the fair thing to do, no one’s mad at Maria for catching feelings, it’s that she acted on them without talking to Alex first what upsets and angers people)

why Maria invited Michael to kiss her just 3 episodes later

why she’s still chasing after Michael 2 weeks later without having talked to Alex

she’ll continue to go after Michael but still won’t talk to Alex

and therefore some are having a hard time not to dislike Maria to some degree? Okay...

Either way, imo Alex was definitely not ashamed of Michael at 17, and I don’t see much evidence of him being ashamed of Michael at 27/28.

Apart from that, shame is for sure NOT the reason why Alex never told Maria.

Alright, this got LONG, but it I had to write it all down. I think I provided facts in the form of dialogue quotes. In addition, I’m sharing my interpretation of these facts.

I don’t claim that I’m right, I don’t claim that I know more than Carina (who seems to have forgotten some things she herself wrote tho), none of that. This is my interpretation of what happened, based on what we saw on screen, what’s been said by the characters, and what we know about the different characters involved.

I also don’t claim that Alex didn’t do anything wrong, that he’s a saint, or whatnot. But I strongly disagree with the notion that by not telling Maria Alex is somehow to blame for her going after Michael.

#alex manes #malex #michael guerin #long post is long #my apologies for the missing read more #i tried but tumblr wouldn't let me #🙈#rnm opinions #the alex essay

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planetsam · 5 years

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someone sent me this: I need a fic where Alex is like catnip for queer male aliens. After they find more aliens they all vying for his attention showing him their ‘gift’ and Michael is all like ‘yeah levitate the fuck out of here asshole’

“I have come to court the fair Captain Alex Manes,” the alien announces, “I was blessed with the gift to make fire and I offer it to the Captain, to use as he will.”

Alex looks stunned.

Michael looks between the both of them so quickly he thinks he may strain his neck. Alex looks stunned but not offended or upset or any of the things Michael is hoping he would. The alien recognizes and seizes this opportunity. The plume of fire he creates is blue and orange and gold. It flares up, folds down on itself and then rises in the shape of two birds that soar around the room before flying in a heart in front of Alex and exploding into more rainbow tinted fire.

“That was amazing,” Alex says, “what did you say your name was?”

“I am Arun of Antar,” he says.

“You’re very talented,” Alex compliments.

“You flatter me,” Arun says.

Michael decides Arun better start thinking of other planets to be ‘of’ because he’s going to kick him off this one.

“Did you see that?” Alex says excitedly, “Darany is so talented.”

“Darany is a dick,” Michael says, “what good is making sparkles?”

“I think it’s cool,” Alex says with a shrug.

Michael feels sick. When the three of them decided to bring ‘Team Alien’ to Antar, they knew they were going to get a heroes welcome. And it was great to see their friends be lauded for everything. It wasn’t like they were going to get the credit they deserved on earth. Antar is a culture of warriors. Battlefield warriors. Which means that Alex, the one of them with any battlefield experience, is suddenly surrounded by more admirers than he knows what to do with. A female Antarian works up the courage to ask to court him. She is so nervous and looks so crestfallen that Alex, being Alex, tells her that if he was attracted to women she would be top of the list and inadvertently outs himself in the process.

And that is when the men start arriving.

Alex tries not to look flattered by the attention which only makes him more attractive somehow. He also tries to not look interested but Michael can see how he shifts depending on the guy. He stops trying to hide his prosthetic after he realizes the society treats him like a warrior who has done something honorable instead of a burden. Seeing the change in Alex, Michael is happy. Happy for his friend. Alex deserves to be happy with whoever he wants. Michael repeats it over and over again, but if Alex falls in love with a different Antarian and stays on Antar then Michael thinks he might die.

“I am Nimith,” the latest man says and Michael swears silently because this guy looks like he walked off of the cover of Rolling Stone, “I make music.”

Oh hell no.

“You do?” Alex sits up, genuinely interested and Nimith’s hot guy persona cracks into something equally interested in Alex the man, “what do you play?”

“I am master of the Antarian Lyre,” he says, “may I play for you?”

Alex nods and leans forward as Nimith produces a stringed instrument and starts to play. He’s good. Fuck him he’s really good. Alex’s gaze softens and it’s a knife to Michael’s gut. This guy looks like a rock star and plays his instrument and Alex’s fingers tap to the beat of what he’s playing. Michael’s stomach drops with dread. Nimith strums out some phenomenal solo something that makes his fingers dance and all Michael can see is those fingers working Alex. Alex is thinking the same thing too, if the color on his cheeks is any indication. This asshole is making Alex blush. Michael watches as he finishes and Alex applauds—which isn’t new—and gets to his feet—which is—and comes over to him.

“I don’t know anything about Antarian music,” he says.

“May I teach you?” Nimith offers.

“I’d like that,” Alex says.

Nimith extends a hand and Alex leaves with him.

Michael goes back to his room, screams into a pillow and has a new appreciation for the years Alex spent watching him sleep his way through Roswell. The music is just salt in the wound, but if he thinks about it it’s more deserved than he wants to admit.

“So are you done with suitor hour now that you’re making music with Nimith?” Michael asks.

“Am I what?” Alex repeats with a laugh, “what are you talking about?”

“Suitor hour, where all the available guys on Antar come and introduce themselves and show how big their ‘abilities’ are,” he says, “you gonna stop that now that you’ve got a boyfriend.”

“That is not what’s happening,” Alex says, his face red, “and I don’t have a boyfriend.”

Michael shouldn’t be nearly as relieved to hear that as he is. Alex picks at the bowl of noodles, his eyebrows drawn together and Michael’s relief turns to nausea as Alex does that deep breath thing he does when he’s about to say something he doesn’t want to. He focuses his gaze on Michael and Michael desperately wishes that he could look away.

“Do you have a problem with it?”

“What? No!” Michael lies, “of course not. We agreed things didn’t work between us, I want you to be happy.”

“So if I stayed on Antar and was with one of them, it wouldn’t bother you?”

“No,” he says, “I’d be happy for you. You should stay for someone you love,” he continues, “I can’t think of a better reason.”

Alex gives him a look that turns the nausea into a literal ache. He stands up. They said no more walking away. They promised each other. He opens his mouth to remind Alex, to say something that will make him come back so they can go back to how things were five minutes ago. Alex looks at him cooly and Michael wants to yell.

“We said no more walking away,” he says.

“We also said no more lying,” Alex replies, “I have to go get ready for my ‘Suitor Hour’” he says. Michael looks away, “don’t bother coming to babysit.”

“What? That’s not what I’m doing,” he protests, getting to his feet.

“I don’t know what you’re doing,” Alex tells him, finally looking at him again, “but I’m going to go meet the men who have come here because they want to get to know me. I don’t want to do it with you glaring at them anymore.”

“I’m not glaring at them!” Michael protests. Alex gives him a withering look. Right. Shit. No lies. “They aren’t good enough for you,” he says finally.

Alex shakes his head.

“That isn’t for you to decide.”

Michael knows that people said the same thing about him. And God, they were right weren’t they? He isn’t good enough for someone as incredible as Alex. He never will be. Everyone knew it, even Alex eventually figured it out. He feels sick as he looks at him. He’s jealous of everything that runs through his head as Alex folds his napkin, nods at the staff and walks away. Because he won’t keep all the men who are here to recognize how good he is waiting. Because in addition to being possibly the best person Michael has ever met, Alex is also punctual.

Fuck, no wonder he’s still in love with him.

“Would you like refreshments brought to the chamber?” One of the servants asks, “since you and Captain Manes didn’t finish?”

He looks at her blankly.

“He just banned me,” he says.

“But, sir,” she says, “this is your palace. Technically, he can’t ban you from anything.”

Michael doesn’t wear authority particularly well.

On Antar this is thrown into sharp relief when he keeps forgetting that he’s technically second in command of an entire fucking planet. He remembers thumbing through one of those tabloids Isobel used to get and reading about how the new royals kept scandalizing everyone by opening their own doors and shit. It’s not until he sees his face on the Altar equivalent because he held open the door for someone who was technically a servant that he understands. He does a better job after that at least attempting to follow protocol.

But he does keep forgetting just how much power he has now. He ignores it a lot of the time. Even when the guys come to court Alex, they always look at him. He glares because he hates them, but he never outright stops it. Because he’s a jerk in a lot of ways but even he’s not that much of a dick. He can’t use his authority against Alex. Or Alex’s endless stream of suitors. Alex kicks him out of Suitor Hour and he forces himself to respect that. It’s Alex. Alex doesn’t love him like that and he has to keep reminding himself of it. Alex gets to be happy.

Alex doesn’t speak to him but Suitor Hour stops happening as frequently. Which Michael is initially relieved about but then bolts up one night overcome with the terror that Alex has stopped it because he’s found someone. It’s a palace, his palace, and it doesn’t take much for him to find out the last name on the list is Rith. Rith is in the army Michael technically commands and is gifted with the power of air manipulation. He could be his evil twin. So Michael does the thing he’s been avoiding and visits his army, incognito. He has Rith’s training interrupted and the man brought to him.

“General Rath, Sir!”

Seeing his evil twin/Alex’s boyfriend flatten himself in a deep bow is going in his head under those truly great moments in his life. Like the time he rolled Max’s first jeep. Rith stands when he motions for him to and goes into a formal military posture as Michael tries to see why he’s so much better. They barely look alike aside from curly hair and their general build. Rith’s eyes are blue. Maybe Alex has a thing for blue eyes. After a moment of being inspected, Rith glances at him.

“Sir?”

“I’m in charge of this whole place,” Michael says, trying to sound stern but winding up just sounding like Max, “I could ruin everything for you.”

“Sir, I know, Sir,” Rith says.

“So if Alex isn’t the picture of happiness, if I hear one breath that you’re not treating him right, I will ruin you,” he says.

“Sir?”

“What about that is confusing?” He demands.

“Nothing, Sir, if I was with Captain Manes I would do anything to make him happy. But—“ Michael glares, “sir, Captain Manes and I are not together. He thanked me for coming but said he couldn’t be with me. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“Did he say why not?” Michael asks before he can stop himself.

“No, sir,” Rith says, “it’s what he’s said to everyone.”

Michael nods. Rith hesitates for a moment. Michael waves his formality off, signaling that he can speak. Rith still looks nervous as hell which is fair. Michael’s not great at authority and this puts him squarely in the ‘Max Zone’ of using it poorly. Not exactly a place he ever wanted to be. Rith seems like an okay dude so maybe he’s the evil twin in all of this.

“Sir, Captain Manes is waiting for you.”

“Where?” Michael asks, looking around. If Alex sees him he really is never going to speak to him.

“Not here, sir, I meant in general. Captain Manes always speaks highly of you,” he says, “actually, he only speaks of you. And if I may, sir, everyone else has noticed how you look when Captain Manes shows interest. Everyone except Captain Manes.”

“Well I sit behind him so—“ Michael winces. Rith clears his throat instead of smiling, “what’s your point? Alex and I agreed to be friends.”

“On earth, sir,” Rith says, “you aren’t on earth anymore. Do you have such an agreement on Antar?”

Michael makes a note to promote him.

“Okay I’m here,” Alex says, “what’s this about?”

His voice is tight with frustration. But he doesn’t scoff or do any of the things he usually does when he’s frustrated with him. Actually Michael hears his feet stop mid step and pause completely. He knows the look on Alex’s face without turning around. He doesn’t blame his confusion, God knows he feels completely ridiculous. He never played dress up as a kid and until very recently, all of his clothing was multipurpose. The most formal thing he owned was a black suit that was a rental he never returned. He rarely felt comfortable in his own skin, let alone dressing it up.

As it turns out, Antarian Ceremonial Amor makes earth dressing up feel like a joke.

It’s heavy and guided and Michael thought it was stupid to have actual armor and ceremonial armor but now he sees the distinction. His only available combat move is to roll into a ball and hope he hits what he’s aiming at. Don’t get him wrong, the thing is a work of art. Thousands of metal plates overlap each other, each placed so artfully that all together the design they create is visible from every angle. It’s a silvery color but it’s made of an Antar alloy. His skin is saved by what he privately thinks is the nicest onesie in existence, but what he has been informed is the proper undergarment. Draped along his back is the cloak that bears Max’s sigil and his own, showing the unity of their two houses.

He looks good.

That doesn’t mean he’s not nervous as fuck when he turns around. Alex’s jaw drops and if Michael was comparing himself to any of the other suitors, he would say that gives him almost as wide a lead as Nimith. Alex’s eyes drag over his body and if he didn’t have heavy ass armor on, he’d feel like he was being undressed. They settle on his face and Alex’s jaw closes and clenches. Michael knows he’s still in trouble. That’s okay, he’s good at being in trouble. Especially when he’s dressed up like a fucking storybook character.

“What is this about?” Alex repeats.

“I’m here to announce my intention to court you,” he says.

“No.”

Flat out refusal is something no-one else has gotten. Alex at least humors them. Alex doesn’t look amused and he doesn’t look like he’s going to give him the chance. Michael glares.

“What do you mean no? Why not?” Alex scowls, “you said yes to Prak. Prak had no gift and wrote you a bad poem!”

“Prak was nice.”

“Prak was almost as useless as Borey. He did origami for an uncomfortably long time.”

“That city was impressive.”

“Why are they allowed to court you and I’m not?!” He demands, “why do they get to try to make you fall for them and I can’t?”

“Because I’m already in love with you!”

It’s not the answer he was expecting.

Alex makes a noise and turns around as Michael stares at him in confusion. They’ve established the love each other, but they aren’t in love. Except apparently they were both lying about that. Michael toys with the edge of his cloak as Alex takes a deep breath before turning around to face him. He’s trying for calm and collected but Michael can see the turmoil in him. Alex doesn’t want to have this conversation, but maybe Alex does want to be with him. Michael isn’t sure which emotion to choke on.

“You’re in love with me?”

“Of course I’m in love with you,” Alex says.

“But why—“ Michael frowns, “all those guys—“

“We agreed we didn’t work,” Alex says, “and I like meeting new people,” Michael frowns, sensing this isn’t the whole story, “and I knew you would be there.”

“The dude parade was an excuse to spend time with me?” He blurts out.

Alex looks away and gives the smallest nod.

“We didn’t work on earth,” Michael says abruptly, remembering the crux of his speak to convince Alex to let him take him out, “we’re not on earth.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Alex says.

“Okay,” Michael looks down and then looks at him, “then let me court you because I love you.”

Alex stares at him. Michael knows he’s been hopeless in the actually saying how he feels department. Even now it’s been that he feels the same, it’s always Alex who says the words. Names the emotions. But Michael has never been more sure of anything in his life. He steps forward, determination in everything he is.

“Let me court you, because I was trying to let you be happy but I felt sick every time you liked a guy. I’m in charge of a lot here,” he says, “I could have sent them all away,” Alex glares, “but let court you because you never cared that I didn’t have any of this. Let me court you because I’ve loved you on two planets and could love you anywhere. Let me give you every reason to stay here.”

Alex stares at him, wide eyed and parted lips. They’ve moved closer throughout the conversation to the dais where they sat and Michael gently pushes Alex onto his chair. Moving fast in ceremonial armor is not easy but he makes it to the entrance in record time and approaches the chair and the stunned Alex all over again. He ignores any nerves as he does the best bow he can manage, following every one of those stupid ass Antarian court rules that he’s been drilling.

“I am Michael of the Airstream, alternately known as Rath of Antar. I am blessed with the ability to move things with my mind, play the guitar, hold my own in a bar fight and I can make a truly life changing quesadilla,” he says, “I offer it to Alex, to use as he will. For as long as he wants.”

Alex closes his eyes and dips his head. When he looks up, Michael feels his heart explode with hope. Alex gets up and starts towards him.

“Can I court you?” He asks again.

“No,” Alex says. Michael frowns. Alex smiles, “courting comes before being in a relationship. There’s no touching involved.”

“Oh, shit,” Michael vaguely remembers hearing that somewhere, “we should skip that. If I can ever get out of this stuff—“

Alex kisses him, catching him off guard but it only takes a moment for him to catch up. The entire time he’s been in his palace, he’s felt like an imposter. It’s truly mind boggling how all it takes is Alex kissing him to make him feel like he’s home. It doesn’t matter that he could fit about a billion airstreams in the palace. Alex kisses him and he’s back in the airstream, almost bumping into all four walls. This, he thinks dimly, must be what people mean when they say home is a person. He can barely feel Alex through the armor but at the moment it’s worth it just to stand there and know that Alex has heard him say he loves him. That it got him another chance he has no intention of wasting. Michael opens his eyes and looks up at Alex who finally looks happy. Happier than Michael has seen him in far too long.

“So you know more about Antar courting rituals than I do,” he says breathlessly.

“I can also play the Lyre,” Alex tells him, equally breathless.

“Hot. How much touching are we allowed?” Alex kisses him again in response, “how are you with taking off armor? Think you can figure it out?”

Alex drops his cloak in response.

Michael barely remembers to lock the chamber.

#michael guerin #alex manes #michael x alex #malex fanfic #roswell new mexico #roswell nm fanfic #prompts #malex fic

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