#trying to get the sucky ones I don’t mesh with out of the way first

[mailperson]

Trying to one-star every weapon and by god…. The struggles…..

#trying to get the sucky ones I don’t mesh with out of the way first #I’m on bamboo and it SUCKS #on the other hand when I get to like the second splash kit or the rapid decos it’ll be a breeze m #both stampers were EZ mode

[theladylovingcrow]

Black Panties and An Angel's Face Pt 1 (Sanny Christmas Fic)

** A Continuation of Silk and Satin, Leather and Lace, but there's no actual sex in this part (sorry horny friends, sorry) **

Author (As known on Various sites): Lady Lover- Rockfic, Luluthechoosingcrow - AO3, theladylovingcrow - Deviantart and Wattpad, @sammy_bluebells - Instagram, @imacrowcawcaw - main Tumblr, @theladylovingcrow - writing/art Tumblr, @insannywestan Sanny shipping Tumblr

Fandom: Greta Van Fleet

Pairing: Sam Kiszka/Danny

Length: about 3k

Warnings/tags: lingerie, cross dressing, no smut yet, established relationship, gift giving, Christmas

Summary: Sam had said that he would wear whatever Danny bought him.... would he, really? Fuck, if not them this was about to he a sucky Christmas for the both of them.

Author's notes: I've been busting my ass all morning and last night trying it finish this, because honestly a Christmas fic after Christmas is just kinda... meh. But, alas, I only got the first half, the sort of build up, done. Well, something is better than nothing, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

From @therealswanqueen 's request for me (:

"Oh if you're going to write a continuation of the lingerie fic it would be nice if Danny buys it for Sam ♡♡♡ like if he's out shopping and sees something pretty and thinks 'Sammy would look gorgeous in this' ♡"

------------

Danny mentally went over the list in his head, arms too full of stuff to actually pull it out of his pocket at the moment. He had gotten the regular shopping out of the way, and was now working his way though the upper level of the mall, searching for Christmas gifts the one day he could get away from those sneaky brothers.

He had already gotten a variety of gag gifts and weird oddities the twins were sure to enjoy at Spencer's, and a new Christmas sweater for Sam; after some deliberation, a matching one for himself, as well. Their mothers were sure to enjoy it.

It was hard to know what exactly to give when they already had most things they could want, but Danny still tried to be thoughtful and give nice things to the people that meant the most to him.

New boots, a watch, and an engraved harmonica for Jake? Check.

A vintage fur coat for Josh? Yep, and surprisingly cheap.

Books for all three Kiszka's? Yes, as well as some parchment, ink, and quills for Joshie - it was one of those random finds that hadn't been on his radar of gift ideas, but as soon as he saw them he knew Josh would love them.

All that was left was Sammy. His best friend (now lover, too) always seemed to be both the easiest and worst to shop for. He was picky, so picky that, even after all these years, Danny could rarely be 100% sure that he'd like his gift.

He went in and out of every store, desperately searching for *something* that Sam didn't already have, and that he would appreciate receiving.

Nothing.

Not a single item that would be a good fit to give his new-ish boyfriend, not even a cool pair of sunglasses to just fill put some space in his gift bag.

Danny sighed, deciding to fuck the mall and go Amazon it in the comfort of their bed. But, just as he was heading towards the exit, something caught his eye.

A blue something - pale, like a robin's egg, but speckled with small, shimmering beads instead of brown splattered spots. It was a lacy bra, hanging several racks in inside of a Victoria's Secret.

Danny stopped and stared at it, considering. Sam had said.... Sam had said that he would wear whatever Danny bought him. It had been nearly two months, and, while they had definitely had sex many, many times since then, none of the lingerie items had made another appearance. Sam hadn't even mentioned it again after that day, instead only shooting Danny the occasional meaningful look that he interpreted as "Well? I'm waiting, it's on you to continue this."

He took two steps forward, but stopped just before entering onto the lighter tiles of the store's entrance. Would Sam actually like this as his Christmas present, instead of other stuff - namely, things he could actually tell their family he got?

Danny turned and was about to walk away, but then spun around for just one last look at the bra. It was so, so pretty, and would look so, so good against Sam's tanned skin; he could envision his lover perfectly in that little blue piece, coyly teasing Danny as he ran his hands over his lacy chest.

He took in a sharp breath and marched into the store, bags of presents banging against his thighs as he rushed over to the rack to closer inspect the bra. Danny set his purchases down on the ground so he could touch it, tentatively reaching out a finger to run over the scalloped trim along one of the cups.

Danny realized that the one he was looking at would never fit Sam, but, luckily, there was a whole row of blue items in different sizes behind it. He flicked through the hangers, eyebrows knitting together at all of the different numbers, letters, prices, and, he realized, slightly different styles and designs.

Which one should he choose - what would look best on Sam, and what would fit him? Danny was at a loss. The first bra he had seen and fallen in love with appeared to be the only one of its kind, which was highly disappointing but he knew that often happened when shopping - if you fall in love with something, chances are it's not going to work out. Such was life.

The other bras, though: all were the same pale blue, but some had no beading, some possessed a ridiculous amount of straps, and one was also covered in purple, trailing vines embroidered over the lace, curling over the soft fabric.

"Sir, do you need any help?"

Danny startled, looking over his shoulder at a friendly, understanding looking employee. He nodded sheepishly, nudging aside some of his bags with his foot so he wasn't barricaded in a circle of paper bags.

"Yeah, I'm... I don't know what size to get- yeah," he cut himself off, nearly saying "to get my boyfriend" but realizing that maybe he shouldn't.

It wasn't like Danny was ashamed of being bisexual, but he figured that revealing he was dating a guy and buying him lingerie was not a good idea - not only because she could react weird, but because who knew who could recognize him. He decided it was safest to just pretend to be buying a present for his girlfriend, it was close enough and completely plausible, if only requiring more thought before he spoke.

"Of course! Do you know what size she is?"

He shook his head, looking back at all of the tags. Like every guy, he knew, roughly, that A was small and D was big - stereotypically perfect, though Danny disagreed - but there were also double letters and numbers that were confusing him. He had no frame of reference to know what size the numbers indicated, nor the scope of the sizes. 28 was the smallest he saw, but it still seemed like an awfully big number for Sam's tiny ribcage, and many of the other girls he'd met, too.

"That's all right, this is probably a surprise, huh?" The employee, he saw her name was Stephi, gave him a knowing look and a grin, and Danny nodded again, smiling back.

"Yeah, she... she's been kind of hinting, but this is totally going to be a surprise and I didn't really think to check sizes before I came. She's really small though, very skinny and uh, an A cup, I think. What are the numbers?"

"Oh, the numbers are for band size, it's like the circumference of the of the ribcage. She'd probably be a 28A, that's the smallest we have," Stephi said, sorting through the rack methodically and picking out several of the blue bras as well as a few others from a lower rung. "Do these look like they would fit?"

Danny squinted at them, trying to imagine if they would hang slack on Sam's body or sit snug like they were supposed to.

"I guess, yeah, those look like they'd fit. Though, I've never really seen her wear the shaped ones, she likes softer things. They're called, uh, it has 'bra' in it..."

Really, Danny didn't want to get the shaped ones because he thought they would pop off of Sam's body weird with nothing to fill them, and that looked both unsexy and uncomfortable. He'd heard one of his past girlfriends talk about some bra thing before; it had sounded like a lighter fabric or something, but he just couldn't remember what it was called.

"A brallette? Yes, we have those, here's a few."

She took the shaped bras and set them aside, holding out a few that looked like lacy, cut off tank tops or teddys, soft and thin fabric that would most likely lay flat if nothing was underneath.

Ah, a brallette! Danny swore he was going to pay more attention to what his partner was talking about when it came to stuff like this, be it Sam or another girlfriend - though, he hoped it would only ever be Sam from now on.

Danny looked at the bras she was holding, trying to decide. There was the soft blue one with purple vines crawling up from the band at the bottom, little flowers budding up high over the mesh and lace top and then continuing over the straps. He really liked that one, so he gently took it from her and kind of tucked it under his arm, then continued surveying.

Another was completely pale pink lace, "Millenial Pink" he was pretty sure. His eyes passed over it, going instead for one of similar design but of a rich, deep green color. He grabbed that one too, and decided not to get any of the others Stephi was holding.

He thanked her for her help, figuring he had a good grasp of what bras to get, now.

"No problem! I'm sure she'll love these, let me know if you need anything else, I'll be at the counter."

Stephi turned and started walking away, then came back to him. "Hey, you have a lot of bags, do you want to put them next to the counter while you shop, if you think it'll be awhile? It might make it easier."

Danny grinned at her. "Oh, yes, please, and thank you."

He appreciated how nice she was being to him, even though that was technically her job and she'd probably seen many hapless boyfriends in the store before. Still, it was the busy week before Christmas, and she had taken the time to patiently help him while people were rushing and yelling and making a mess of things all around them. Danny carried his bags over to where she directed and took the metal basket she gave him, turning back to survey the store for anything else that caught his eye.

Over in the left corner, he spotted a table full of colorful pieces of cloth - panties, he realized, looking at the mannequins modeling a few pairs. Danny wandered over to them, stopping briefly to run his hands over another bra but moving on when he realized it wasn't something Sam was likely to wear.

There were so many options! Danny knew that there were many, many styles of women's underwear; he was proud to say that he had seen quite a few of them first hand. Still, the colorful piles were almost making his head hurt, though his heart was beating faster with something that felt like excitement.

He picked up pair after pair, settling on the 10 for $100 deal he saw advertised. It seemed ridiculously expensive for tiny, flimsy pieces of fabric, but it would be so, so worth it when he got to see Sam's sinful hips in these cheeky little triangles.

Danny grabbed one more pair of panties and another bra - a matching, strappy set - and brought everything over to the front of the store, waiting in line with all the other ladies and boyfriends to purchase his secret gifts. He grinned at Stephi as she rung him up, thanking her profusely for the help and adding the pink striped bag to his cache of others.

He made his way past the giggling groups of teenage girls out of the store, pausing to give a few of them a smile when they blushed and pointed at him. He would stop and take pictures if they asked, but otherwise, he was a man on a mission.

Danny couldn't get the image of Sam all dressed up for him those two months ago out of his head; his stockings and garter, the corset, his sweet smile. He wasn't likely to find a corset like that at a commercial mall, but the other stuff - he wanted, he needed, to get the complete outfit.

His next stop, after dropping all the other gifts at the car like he had originally intended, was a high-end 'bohemian' boutique right next to Macy's. Danny pushed open the door, quirking his lips at some indie cover of Jingle Bells playing over the store's speaker.

Danny smiled widely, looking over the store. Florals, paisley, glitter, lace and satin and taffeta, all hung like shimmering, rainbow banners on the walls. He knew what Sam's style was, the only thing he had to do was build the bridge between the lingerie he had gotten and what Sam would wear, normally, and it was - hopefully - going to be an unforgettable gift. He decided to start at the hair clips and work his way around to the mini skirts on the other side.

~~~~

Two hours and nearly two thousand dollars later, he had three full-to-bursting bags of clothing and accessories for Sam. Danny knew he had gone over board, and over budget, but every time he thought he had found the last item he turned around and another was screaming at him, sometimes from an entirely different store, how good it would look on Sam's lithe body. This new idea had shone a new light on the mall where he had previously found nothing of interest to get his lover; now, it was like he couldn't stop the floor of gifts.

He sighed, hands straining to grasp all of the bag handles as he made his way to the parking lot, trying not to knock anyone over with his haul. Now all that was left was wrapping everything up and placing it under the tree, where Sam could receive it in a few days time.

Danny worried his lip in between his teeth as he loaded up the trunk of the car. He was happy with his purchases, but that didn't mean Sammy would like them. He tried to quell any doubt in his head, though; Sam had asked for Danny to buy him more stuff, so he had. Simple.

The only thing he had to worry about was the wrong person opening the presents - which, shit, maybe they shouldn't go under the tree.

~~~~

Jake was smirking, looking back and forth between Danny's red face and his little brother's more self satisfied, but also blushing one.

"So, Sammy, what did you get? Let us see."

Sam shook his head at first, looking like he was being asked to feed his arm to a lion, but then slowly raised his gift out of the mess of tissue paper. It was a top, silver and covered in shimmering fringe all the way down its torso and in lines along the sleeves. Some of the things Danny had gifted Sam toed the line - lacy shirts, crop tops, one skirt, booty shorts (though he already wore those) with the hope that Sam would actually like them, as in making them a part if his every day wardrobe. Dressing up for sex was fun, but Sam's androgyny, even when not sexual, was still incredibly attractive and Danny wanted to encourage it.

Jake whistled. "Dang, Sammy, I might have to "borrow" that from you. But that's not what made you blush, now let us see it. "

"Nuh-uh, no can do Jack-o. Do I demand to see everything your girlfriend gives you?"

"Ooh, so it's that kind of gift!" Josh laughed. He was sitting on the floor, surrounded by shining bits of metallic paper and rainbow wrapping, swaddled in a plush red robe and grinning like the little Christmas elf he was; he had demanded they each open one gift before they did Christmas with the entire Kiszka-Wagner clan like usual.

Danny squirmed in his seat, his face getting even darker. He had gotten Sam some regular things so as not to arouse suspicion, and then saved most of the special items for later that night, privately hoping Sam would try them on and give him a little show. But, he had slipped in one pair of frilly white and black panties to let Sam know what was to come.

Sam adamantly refused to show his brothers anything else in the bag, setting it aside behind his chair and shooting Danny a look that could only be described as sultry. Danny swallowed, dry, and opened his own gift from Sam.

It was a gorgeous silk robe, starting at a light lavender and melting into a deep, inky black at the bottom. There was embroidery along the edges, little flowers and curls trimming the sweeping bell sleeves. Black lace formed a belt along the gathered waist, little silver buttons shining against the darkness.

Danny gasped, softly running his fingers over the fabric, feeling the cool softness and already imagining it against his skin.

Sam leaned over and whispered in his ear, one hand curled around Danny's bicep. "I'll wear anything you get me, but I want you to do the same, at least try it. What do you think?"

Danny turned to Sam, almost at a loss for words. "It's... it's beautiful, Sammy, of course I'll wear it. We'll be matching."

It was incredible how fast Sam was able to take the reins of a situation and flip it - here, Danny had thought that he was indulging his lover's interest, but, apparently, Sam had realized that Danny was just as into it and brought the control back to himself. Danny was putty in his hands, buying what he wanted and following every order, and he always would be, with joy.

"Woah, that's cool. But why'd you get Danny a lacy robe?"

Danny looked up, startled, to see both of the twins leaning over and staring into the box on his lap. He quickly put the top back on and shrugged, not sure how he had forgotten they were there. It was the excitement, he supposed, and the sentimentality of the gift, too, that had distracted him.

Jake shook his head, mumbling "Weirdos," under his breath and going to start gathering up the wrapping paper strewn all over the floor. There was a weird air in the room, one Danny couldn't quite shake. Sam was still sitting way too close to him and giving him looks, not at all helping him get his head back on straight.

"So, anyways, did I mention that I got us matching sweaters? Mom will love them!"

~~~~

To Be Continued

~~~~

@satans-helper

@okietrish

@lazingonsunday

@bigthighsandstupidguys

@karrotkate

@oblvions

@lantern-inthenight

@mountainofthesunn

@ryetheruler

#sammy kiszka #sanny #greta van fleet #sam kiszka #danny wagner #sam gvf #danny gvf #sam x danny #in sanny we stan #gvf #gvf fic #greta van fic #fanfic #fanfiction #my writing #lulucrowproductions #lingerie

[lolcat76]

WWSRD, Sharon Raydor, and a fangirl’s thoughts.

I just finished #WWSRD and I have a lot of thoughts, so bear with me. Or ignore me. Either is fine.

First, I totally understand Mary’s frustration with the fans’ reactions across the board, and now I feel bad for making her feel bad, because I know just how lucky we are to have someone who is so invested in her art and her fans to care about what we think. I am so grateful for WWSRD to give me a chance to breathe, understand the process of creating this character every week, and see the show from the perspective of the actor who lived the character, which is such a gift for someone like me who craves that insight into character development.

I also understand Mary’s protectiveness of the show and cast and crew, and I feel even worse that our outpouring of grief and rage diminishes what they’ve accomplished over the last 13 years. The two are not related, especially in terms of cast and crew. Everyone from the directors to the actors to the tape loggers and PAs have done a wonderful job with this show. Take a bow and please accept my gratitude for a job very well done.

As you all know, I write a lot of fanfic, but I also do graphic design and corporate communications for my day job, and in those instances, when the point I’m trying to get across falls flat or someone just doesn’t like my design, my first thought is, “Well, you’re an idiot.” (And usually my second and third thoughts as well.) (Mary is a lot more diplomatic than I am.) It’s never easy to hear that someone’s reaction to something you put your heart and soul into is that it sucks and they hate it. It doesn’t, however, mean that the work isn’t valid. It’s just not necessarily being read the way it’s written, and that’s a fact of life every creator of content has to accept.

There’s a big difference between creating content and consuming content. Once a piece is created, the creator has to relinquish control over how it’s consumed, because no two members of the audience internalize art or fiction or television in the same way. That’s the whole reason we have fandom wars on this godforsaken site. Not only that, but what is satisfying for a writer or an actor is very often vastly different than what is satisfying for the audience. I can and do support Mary’s playing Sharon’s end, acknowledging it as a valid creative plot point, and loving the choices that she made – and I’m also very grateful that this podcast helps me understand those choices – and still, I’m just so heartbroken about Sharon’s death. The first is because I have enormous respect for the actor and the writers and the creative process and, the second is because I’m a fan of the actor and the writers and creative process, and sometimes those two things just don’t mesh well together, because the audience isn’t in the same place in the creative process. We didn’t have several months to process this. We had a few weeks, and I’m not speaking for anyone else, but those few weeks were pretty sucky for me.

I think anyone who cares about their job – whether it be in the entertainment industry, or accounting, or making fancy lattes – wants to do it well and wants to be challenged, and for an actor, there’s no bigger challenge than trying to portray something as difficult and emotional as a death and do it justice. The disconnect here I think is that while Mary did a beautiful job with Sharon’s last two episodes, the fans were not ready for her story to end. I’m sure the general audience watched it and thought, “Oh, that’s sad,” and went about their business, but for those of us who are probably way too emotionally attached to the character, it’s hard to separate the craft and care that went into shooting those scenes from the gut-wrenching reaction we had to watching them. My anger at what happened to Sharon has pretty much zero to do with the cast and crew, who have been phenomenal, and everything to do with my own life. That’s on me, and it’s not a reflection of the work in general, but that’s the point of art – it does touch people, and you just can’t control HOW it’s going to touch them. To quote one of my favorite inappropriate songs from the ’90s, sometimes it’s a bad touch, and that’s where I am right now.

I will say, because it’s my blog and I can be salty if I want, that I don’t think the writing or editing clarified  Mary’s analysis of Sharon’s thought processes, and I wish it had. If it had, I don’t think we’d have had the visceral reaction that Sharon put herself directly in harm’s way. Having listened to WWSRD, I can go back and rewatch those two episodes with an entirely different mindset on Sharon’s motivations and decisions, but without hearing Mary’s thoughts, some of the things she brought up were just not clear in the writing. Too many things were open to interpretation, and there were too many moments of foreshadowing in the scripts and in the editing that just made it look like Sharon was preparing to die. And, from a completely personal standpoint, that was incredibly hard to watch. From her not wanting to be a burden to going to ask for last rites, it seemed a lot less like taking control of her story and a lot more like surrendering to her fate, and it wasn’t a fate that I would choose. Mainly because to me, I’ve always been afraid that my death would be far more of a burden to my loved ones than my life is. Andy is going to have to pack up her clothes and her office. He’s going to have to sort through her finances and make sure her children are taken care of, and ensure that Rusty has the means to make it through law school. He’s going to have to live in the condo she decorated without her, and you guys, the thought of that makes me so sad I can barely stand it. The idea that it would have been easier for her children and Andy if Sharon had just died the first time she went into cardiac arrest…Nope. Nothing about death is easy, but death that comes with no warning is the hardest thing in the world to go through for the people who love you.

Being again true to form, I’m going to bring up my beloved Laura Roslin. She was introduced to us as a character who was dying, and the concept of being the Dying Leader was 100% part of who she was. Her death was awful, and I’m still not over it, but it was also beautiful and meaningful, and those last moments in the Raptor with Adama were very much the culmination of their story. Sharon’s death was…not that. Laura died with Bill, him showing her the beautiful endpoint of everything they’d worked for over the last several years. Sharon died on a gurney, surrounded by strangers, in the ER. Laura found love in spite of her impending death; Sharon died in spite of her happy life. One has poetry and meaning, and the other is just…well, I’m going to reiterate it. It was just cruel. To me, it is the complete opposite of dying doing what you love, and that waiting room scene is probably the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever watched, with her husband and son and the friends she’s come to love over the years kept out of the room, just waiting and hoping, only to be devastated by the doctor coming out to break the news.

As I said in our Fans React podcast, Sharon’s dead. She doesn’t care. Her children and her husband, though, have to figure out how to go on without her. That’s the hardest part of this – that as much as I love Sharon and grieve the loss of this kickass character, I also love the rest of the cast, and they’re going to have to soldier on without her. Watching the last four episodes knowing that they’re going to be in that kind of pain – a pain I think all of us who have lost loved ones understand – it’s hard. It’s really hard. I don’t really want to go through that kind of pain while watching a TV show that I use to escape, because it opens up a lot of things that I don’t even want to think about. Which, frankly, is why I like the “safe spaces” of television – it gives me a little break from dealing with the daily car fires of the real world.

And, to dovetail into Mary’s point about feeling grief, I hope we’re going to be able to do that in the last four episodes, because I need to grieve not only for this character that I love so much, but also for her husband and children and friends, but I’m afraid that we won’t. At its heart, Major Crimes is a crime procedural show. I know the funeral next week is going to probably knock me flat, but I’m also afraid that it will be much like the wedding – overly hyped and then three minutes at the beginning of the episode, and then BAM right into the next plot, and the next plot being the final plot that ties the two series together and omits the two female leads is just so, so disappointing.

The next four episodes will be about Stroh and his backstory and his coming after Rusty, and I know that’s a plot point that has been something like 10 years in the making, but I can’t switch gears that quickly. Nor do I want to, because my involvement with the show over the last several years has absolutely nothing to do with the cases and everything to do with the characters. I knew the Stroh story would have to come to an explosive close, but I never thought it would happen without Brenda or Sharon, and to have neither of them figure in to it just makes me wonder…what’s the point? I know that it’s Rusty’s story, but it’s just as much Sharon’s and even more Brenda’s, and to leave them both out at this point feels like a dismissal of the last 13 years, and to shove it into two nights…so frustrating.

Obviously, TNT has done a huge disservice to Major Crimes, The Closer, and even Duff in the last few years, but ramming the last several episodes into the space of a few weeks might be the worst thing they’ve done. We still have so much left to process, and trying to cram it in over a couple of nights is just really unfair to the fans.

I know life is hard. I bet you all know life is hard as well, or we’d all be out living life and wouldn’t be here on Tumblr obsessing over TV characters. I don’t need to watch TV to be reminded that life is hard, because I have to wake up every day to the dumpster fire that is American politics. I watch TV to escape the idea that life is hard.

(Temporary word-vomiting break to say that yes, HALLMARK CHRISTMAS MOVIES ARE GOOD AND LEAD TO EVEN BETTER FANFIC PROMPTS.)

Now, going back to safe spaces. That phrase is fraught right now, because at the moment Tumblr is my safe space, and GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT THAT SAYS. To address Mary’s point about the safe space of TV recognizing the evil in the world and righting it, YES, that is one of the things about MC that I love – that these characters were so deeply flawed, and yet still so moral and ethical. Living in LA, I have to say that MC made me very sympathetic to the LAPD. Every time an old 90’s Crown Vic passes me on the 110 freeway, I think, aww, Provie and Andy still have their old shitty cars from the 90s, rather than panicking about whether or not I’m speeding on the freeway. (I’m never speeding on the freeway, because LA traffic sucks.) But, for a fan, a safe space is a totally different thing, and that’s the space where we have an hour each week to forget about all our worries. MC was that for me, and from this point on, it won’t be. And that, as much as Sharon Raydor, is the loss I’m grieving.

I wouldn’t be so torn up about it if MC had been a dark show from the start, but it wasn’t. Even the hardest episodes to watch – and there have been many – still had humor. There are so many episodes going back to The Closer that I watch again and again because in the midst of murder and chaos, the characters gave a breath of life into the stories. Even going back to the start of MC, with Rusty and Stroh, and Provenza and Sharon going head-to-head, I was so invested in how these interpersonal relationships were going to play out. I didn’t give a shit about the grocery store murderers in that first episode. I cared about how this cast of characters was going to come together, and through the first season they came together through a combination of wit, stubbornness, compassion and intelligence, and it’s those qualities that draw me to people in my own life.

Those characteristics also made me fall hard for Sharon. Most of the women my age on TV are moms who play secondary characters (two things that I’m not and don’t aspire to be), but Sharon Raydor was, from her introduction, a badass police captain who happened to be a mom and happened to be over the age of 40 and happened to be the unapologetic boss. She was important despite (and because of) being a mother and a woman over 40, and she wasn’t willing to be dismissed because she was a mother and a woman over 40. She was important because she was a high-ranking professional, completely at ease with being a woman in a male-dominated field and not afraid to tell men who outranked her to shut up and sit down, and to quote @dillydallyy, shove a feminist foot right up someone’s ass. I’ve worked in television and commercial real estate, both traditionally male-dominated fields, and being the only woman in a room full of men…that’s my life. Every damn day. And to see a woman, not just in the same position but in a leadership role, OMG. Yes, kick them in the ass with your feminist heels and stroll out of the room in your Armani suit.

This kind of character is so rare, especially on network TV and basic cable. I wish I had some statistics handy, but the reality is, it’s rare to find a show that features women in prominent leadership roles, and when we find them, yeah…we’re going to be pissed when they’re taken away. I’m pissed. I’M SO PISSED. I have very little representation to fall back on, especially since I’m a huge cheapskate and I ditched cable TV a year and a half ago.

Speaking of representation, I’d like to go off for about ten thousand words about Sharon Raydor and even Brenda Johnson as powerful role models cast as lead tv characters, the lack of women writers and directors in the media, and what it means to women like myself over the age of (cough) 40 to see a lead character in a highly-rated tv show, but…I just can’t. I’ve been living in a state of feminist rage for a long time now, but I will say that watching Sharon die killed off a little bit of myself that felt so hopeful, especially in a storyline that was so timely in portraying what a woman has to go through to be successful and recognized – or hell, even employed – in the world today. Again, not to pile on James Duff, but killing off the lead female character at the tail end of a story arc that kills off women…it really hurts. It may not have been his intention, but it was my perception as a woman who watches the show. And killing off the lead female character before delving into the last story arc that is going to be the culmination of several years of plot points…listen, I’m with Mary. I don’t like guns. I don’t like violence. I don’t watch this show to watch Sharon Raydor shoot a dirtbag between the eyes with a bb pellet (but HOT DAMN THAT WAS AWESOME), but I also don’t want to see the strong female lead drop dead from a deus ex machina plot point before the story reaches the crucial point that has been building for several seasons. For Sharon to be gone, that means the rest of the story will be told through the male gaze, and…you know, I’m trying to be respectful and trying to be on board with that, but it’s not what I, as a woman, hoped for. I didn’t need Sharon to go in guns a-blazing, but I did need her to be a part of the final chapter of this show and of this story that she was so heavily invested in, because otherwise, how is it not yet another example of the woman dying and the men living on to tell the story? Brenda first and Sharon second were so pivotal in putting Stroh in the crosshairs, and having both of them out of the story…it’s just another cop show with men outgunning men.

And finally, I will say, for the fans who love and live and breathe these characters, watching Sharon and Andy walk off hand-in-hand is exactly the ending that we wanted, because it means that, truly, Sharon Raydor lives on. In our imaginations, in our stories, in our funny banter back and forth while we argue on social media over whether Sharon drinks tea or coffee. Long after the writers and actors and crew members move on to other jobs, the fans will still be holding on to these characters. For Sharon to die, it kills a big part of what makes fandom so special, the part that takes these people we’ve known and loved for so long and lets us as fans breathe our own bits of life into them long after the network has shut them down. Holding on to that years after the show ends isn’t disrespecting the writers or the actors; doing that means that after TNT killed the show that we love, we can still believe that Sharon and Andy are out there, somewhere, solving crimes or cuddling on the couch or choosing new ballet artwork to hang in their condo. We can write it, we can joke about it, we can picture it so clearly. Killing Sharon killed that bit of infinity in the imagination that lingers after the show ends. I can, and have, and will rewatch the episodes that we have, but from a fan’s perspective, the idea that the character is never truly gone only exists when the character isn’t truly gone. Saying goodbye to Sharon as a character is about a thousand percent harder to saying goodbye to the show, because saying goodbye to Sharon as a character IS saying goodbye to the show. I’ll watch the next four episodes, but it’s going to be with a heavier heart than I ever imagined.

#wwsrd #major crimes #sharon raydor #lolcat thoughts #thanks cassiopeiasara for telling me I'm not nuts

[givemethestoriesofthemasses]

Love at first sight?

Ah, yes, l’amor. We all know the story about how the two lovers’ eyes meet across a crowded room, fireworks explode, and they are both filled with the overwhelming knowledge that yes, this is The One.

Everyone has encountered this. There is no escaping it. Some enjoy this trope, others vehemently hate it. Many are simply annoyed by it or frustrated with it. Some see two characters fall instantly in love and hope that it will happen to them. Others see the same scene and think “Ugh, these assholes are going to be disgustingly in love for the rest of the story, aren’t they?”

Although there are people who like this trope, most writing advice on “love at first sight” boils down to: don’t fucking do it. Ever. And it’s easy to see why. The “love at first sight” trope brings with it at least three suitcases full of flaws. What I’m wondering is this: is this trope completely garbage, or is it alright to use this in certain cases? And, if a writer chooses to use love at first sight, how do they avoid some of the common flaws that the trope comes with?

First things first. Why is this trope so utterly insufferable? What makes it so unrealistic? In my reflections on this subject, I’ve come across several reasons why this trope usually ends up being sucky:

The relationship is too easy. When characters meet and are instantly in love, often times there is little personal conflict between them. Usually, the conflict is external: their parents are enemies (*cough, cough* I’m looking at you, Shakespeare), one of them has a terminal illness, one of them is moving to Taipei tomorrow and has no time for romance. There’s no internal friction or tension that makes the lovers wonder if they’ve really found “The One.” Which leads me into my next point…

Their personalities fit perfectly together. In this trope, characters usually meet, fall in love, and their personalities mesh together perfectly—it’s too bad that her father doesn’t like his mother. The characters have no tensions between them personally, and they don’t have to work at their relationship. If they fight, it’s not about them personally but rather about some external conflict or a miscommunication.

It erases time. They meet, state into each other’s eyes for a bit, and then, hey, they’re standing on the altar and getting married! There’s no buildup at all.

It guarantees an ending where the characters end up together—in life or in death. They’re either going to get together, or they’re going to die together.

While these are the problems that love at first sight brings, the trope can actually bring benefits often neglected by slow-burn romances.

There are more scenes of the couple acting as a couple. In slow-burn romances, the characters “falling in love” often involves a lot of fighting over petty issues, but the actual synergy of the characters can be lost. Just as a relationship can’t survive on rom-com sugar alone, it can’t survive on bitterness, either. It’s important to see characters working together to solve problems, it’s important to see characters caring for each other’s well-being, it’s important to see how they would actually operate as a couple.

The audience doesn’t have to wonder about the “will they/won’t they” drama. While I know that a lot of people like this kind of banter between characters, not everyone does. As a reader, the “will they/won’t they” drama actually stresses me out a lot. I’m so caught up in the tension and drama that I forget important details, like should these characters actually be together? Or how would these characters actually behave as a couple?

So how would a writer write “love at first sight” well? “Love at first sight” is often rebranded as “lust at first sight,” but this isn’t always the case. There have been cases of spiritual/soulmate/unconditional love (αγαπη/agape) that has manifested upon looking into the eyes of another. It doesn’t have to be romantic, either—it can happen between platonic friends, a parent with a child they’re adopting, a mentor with a student, or simply two people who are connected by fate.

Give the relationship internal conflict. Have your lovers disagree on major issues. Show them fighting. Show their struggles to stay together.

They may know that they’ve found “The One,” but that doesn’t mean they’re getting married tomorrow. Even if your characters know—or feel—that they’re meant for each other, that doesn’t mean that they won’t date or take time to get to know each other. Show them interacting and figuring out this other person! Just because their souls recognized each other, doesn’t mean that they’re going to implicitly understand every single nuance or complexity that this person has. As I always say, it takes at least two years to really start getting to know someone. The masks and fronts that people put on still have to be taken down, even in cases of “love at first sight.”

Show what happens after the “romantic fade-to-black Hollywood kiss scene.” Who does the laundry? What happens when their dog barfs on their rug? How do they actually interact once they’ve committed to each other?

Frame the connection that they have at first glance as more of a recognition than absolute, undying love. The kind of love that love at first sight brings is softer than passionate eros. Love at first sight usually plays out more like, “Hey, I feel like I’ve seen you before…let’s talk for the next two hours trying to figure out how the hell we know each other” than “Omg you’re my soulmate, let’s go have sex in this closet.” The understanding that this person is one of your soulmates should come with time.

Always have a reason for why these characters experience love at first sight. Is it fate? Is it God/one of the Gods? Is it Cupid’s arrow? Is it reincarnation? “Love at first sight” is a deeply spiritual concept. As the writer, decide why these two characters have this spiritual connection. You don’t have to explain it in the novel itself, but it is important that you as the author know.

“Happy ending” is not required. Neither is “we both were so in love that we killed ourselves.” Soulmate relationships, being complex and oftentimes difficult, can have many different endings. They can end in a bang, yes, but they can also end softly, with two characters moving forewards into their life together in a realistic fashion. They can fizzle out over time (sometimes, a soulmate was only a part of your life to teach you a lesson or to help fulfill karma). They can end with one partner dying and the other partner having to figure out life without their s/o (the widowed partner can either take a new partner or can stay celibate, both work). The two characters can decide that they love each other but that ultimately, it’s not going to work. There are a thousand different ways to complete this relationship. You are not locked into happily ever after, or even Shakespearian melodrama.

Example stories that use this trope well:

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind: Joel and Clem clearly have a “soulmate” bond (they had immediate attraction to each other—twice!), and yet the film takes time to show the difficulties and struggles in their relationship. It is unclear whether the two end up together, but they end on good terms with one another, recognizing that they both have flaws.

Princess Mononoke: While the “love at first sight” aspect of this movie isn’t as overt, Ashitaka still has immense interest in San starting from the moment that he saw her. While this is definitely one-sided, elements of the trope are still present. However, it works because a) the relationship between San and Ashitaka is mainly platonic, b) their relationship develops and changes over the course of the story, c) they have valid arguments over serious issues that they face, d) their personalities are different enough that there’s tension but they still work well together at solving problems, and e) they end by acknowledging each other’s needs and finding ways to continue their relationship while meeting those needs.

The English Patient (1996): Both Almasy and Katharine are shown to be deeply flawed people, their relationship develops slowly over the course of the movie. The destructive nature of their choices is clearly shown, and there are real consequences for their actions. Kip and Hana bond over caring for a dying Almasy, and both take time away from the relationship to focus on their personal needs.

Jayne Eyre (2011): Jane and Rochester clearly have deep attraction at the beginning, and yet their relationship goes through ups and downs. Jane chooses her self-worth over the relationship and learns and grows as a person before returning to the relationship. Rochester and Jane are in tune with each other and have an understanding of their partner’s personalities.

The Chosen — Chaim Potok: Can be interpreted as platonic or romantic, relationship goes through ups and downs, they argue, Rueven and Danny are said to have “two bodies with one soul.” They ultimately don’t end up together and help each other to learn and grow.

#story #writing #writing tips #writing help #love at first sight #writing romance #writing love #writing relationships #relationships #writing love at first sight #writing blog #writer #writing tips and tricks #writing tricks

[sumergosuigeneris]

April 3, 2017

I’m so proud of me. I was very, extremely low after my rejection. But I have come out the other end within a super fast amount of time! I’m shocked at how well I’ve recovered. Obviously, I’m not totally 100% over it, but I’m so very much over it. I’m applying to program #2, and looking for options if I get rejected for that. Today, I even found out that one of the lower tiers I’d looked at a while ago (before my boss made me see that lady that gave me notions above my station) is still technically accepting applications for the phd program. So... what bitch. I got heart and I got grit! Or I’m bipolar. Who knows?

Went to the casino with V when I was still low (and super tired). Biyotch won over $300! At first, I was really resentful b/c she expected me to be super happy for her, and yet a) when I won $65 a few months ago she was a huge miserable bitch to me about it, and expected 1/2 and blah blah, ruining my big win, and b) she stole my chair on a different machine so maybe I would have won something. Then I was nervous b/c she was being loud about how much she won and I was afraid we’d get jumped. Once we made it safely to the car, and I had worked my way through the resentment to be able to be happy for her, she was complaining. She was thinking of how much she would have won if she’d chosen a higher bet. And she was mad b/c of an issue with her car. I felt sorry for her. She wasn’t able to enjoy her winning for very long, or to really appreciate it. That made me sad, and also made me reflect back on myself. And also, I think, at least for 5 minutes, she heard me about how she reacted to me, and she wanted to try to be less of a bitch in the future. 

Update: I had a newer friend I met through an academic conference check over my draft essay for this second place. It was basically meshing 2 essays from my last application. She ripped it apart. My summation of her evaluation is that my personal statement sucked. This is huge. First, it shows she’s a true friend. Second, it helps me understand one reason why I was rejected. Third, it helps me send a much better essay for the future. Also, I’m happy to find out my other essay sucked. This is again a huge leap emotionally. Intellectually, it’s helpful to know and I advocate honest criticism, but this is the first time I’ve put it into practice (I’ve never needed more than a few edits on things I’ve written in the past; plus this is writing about me, so it’s more personal) and I didn’t end up a hypocrite! I’m always so excited when I’m not a hypocrite. :)

But also, how to write about how my life has sucked, and in addressing the suckiness sometimes I’ve done well but sometimes I’ve failed miserably? That’s a huge challenge. I failed the first time, but with her help, I’m going to come out sounding like I’m not as broken as I actually am. Seriously, I was talking to a different friend that I really just want to say ‘I’m mediocre but I work hard and I want it bad. Please take me.’ Honesty is apparently not the best policy in admissions. 

But since I am being honest here, I don’t know. Sometimes I think I really, really suck. Sometimes I think I’m awesome and just keep getting really ridiculous roadblocks in my way. I’m sure the truth is somewhere in the middle, but I don’t know which end of the spectrum is scarier.

Anyway, chatted last night with someone I met at a different conference a few years ago. I thought she was a geologist but found out she’s a marine geologist! Or something like that. Still, she got to go out on a boat to do research and I love that crap. She thinks I should apply to her school (there’s a guy in her department looking for a chemical oceanography student). I didn’t want to tell her she’s overly optimistic about my odds. But also, then she was telling me how little sleep she gets and how it’s the same for all the grad students. I’ll look into it. But I’m mostly shocked I didn’t realize she was going into marine stuff for grad school. How did we not talk about that?! But then again, she knew about my chemistry stuff but not about my interest in water stuff. So there you go.

So now I’m wondering, did I sabotage myself? Did I suck at my personal statement on purpose? No, can’t be. I seem to recall being proud I got my whole sob story onto 1 page and ended on a positive note. I recall wondering if I should be soooo honest, but then convincing myself that honesty is best, particularly if I need a supportive environment to succeed. Like, if you don’t want me from an essay being too honest, then it’s best if I don’t go there. But why didn’t I have anyone check the damn essay before I sent it in? Why? Maybe I was cocky? Maybe I assumed I’d get in? That I was just going through the steps b/c I had to for form’s sake? No, I had my grad person go over my research essay. I don’t know honestly. 

But for whatever reason I did or didn’t do, I think in my heart of heart I’m glad I didn’t get in. Maybe? Am I? What the hell do you do when you can’t trust yourself? Or interpret your own feelings and emotions (are feelings and emotions the exact same thing or is there a difference?)?

Occasionally, I get grouchy schools take so very many international students. I do think domestic students lose out b/c of it, though I understand a lot of the reasons why. And usually okay about it, since I think everyone deserves opportunities. But I do get grouchy sometimes. Luckily, there’s usually something that reminds me why not to be grouchy. Like today, overhearing some peeps discussing science in german I think. You are talking about people that go to another country and then do science or engineering in their second or third language. How can you not admire that?

I wish I wasn’t so selfish and self-centered. I wish I wasn’t so superficial. I wish I was more ‘good.’ But I’m grateful I can still catch myself before I go too far in the opposite direction to where I want to be going.

#me