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the-dream-team · 3 years

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What I Would Do

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“And if you come anywhere within spitting distance of my friends again, you’ll lose a lot more than your voice, Mulciber .”

Lily Evans stared down the Slytherin whose ability to speak she’d stolen with a well-practiced Silencing Charm. Unable to spit out anymore foul language, Mulciber narrowed his eyes and stormed off towards the dungeons, accepting defeat. She turned to Mary and gave her a small smile. That problem was taken care of. For now, at least.

“Oh, that was marvelous!” came a clear, familiar voice from across the corridor. “Evans, you’re one helluva witch, have I told you that yet today?” Jamie Potter grinned at Lily, one hand clutching her stupid stolen snitch and another combing through her tangle of wild curls. Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew followed close behind her, as they always did. She playfully swatted Sirius’ shoulder and tugged at her shirt collar. “Padfoot, you know I can’t resist a girl who stands up against those bastard Death Eaters-in-training.” Sirius barked out a laugh.

Lily rolled her eyes. “Knock it off, Potter, or you’ll be next on my hit-list.”

Jamie’s grin only broadened. “Evans, you drive me crazy, you know that? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, what I would do if you started flying for the other team…”

As Jamie and her posse sauntered off down the hall, Mary sighed.

“It must be hard for her,” she said softly.

“Hard for who, Potter?” asked Lily in disbelief.

“Yes, Jamie, ” said Mary. “Having those kinds of unrequited feelings seeing as she’s the only girl here who… y’know.”

Lily’s mouth gaped open. “Mary! There are no feelings involved. Potter just can’t let go of an old joke.”

Mary raised her eyebrows. “If you say so.”

Unbelievable. Lily crossed her arms and furrowed her brow the rest of the way to the Library. Unrequited feelings my arse, she thought with a huff. Potter had been acting out the same schtick for years. She loved boasting about her deep, dramatic attraction towards Lily (most often in public places) and calling Lily’s preferences into question. It made her uneasy, and Potter knew it. Jamie liked rileing her up.

Of course, she had to admit it hadn’t started as a joke. Their third year, during a particularly rowdy Herbology lesson, Lily and Jamie got into a row over the Leaping Toadstools they were meant to be picking in the forest. After some bickering over who would be in charge of catching the mushrooms and a bit of shoving back and forth, Lily eventually threatened Jamie with a Bat-Bogey hex if she kept getting in her way.

Before she could stop herself, in front of the entire class, Jamie practically shouted, “Bloody hell, Evans, what I would do if only you were into girls.”

The heat burned so deeply on Lily’s cheeks that day, sometimes she still felt the licks of fire teasing her skin nearly four years later. The panic. The embarrassment. The fear. It all boiled up from her knotted stomach and racing heart, presenting as a disgusted expression that could only be painful for the receiving end.

Jamie’s usually confident smirk had been replaced with a gaping mouth and... were those tears welling in her eyes?

After the initial shock, Lily tried softening her expression, but the damage was done. In an instant, Jamie swiped a hand under her glasses, ran another through her fringe, and put on a forced lopsided grin. “So, er, you’ll keep me updated if anything changes, yeah?”

She let out a laugh, looking for the boys to back her up. They chuckled along with her the best they could while Jamie shrugged to the class and went back to their Toadstools, avoiding Lily’s eye for the rest of the lesson.

A stormcloud of guilt brewed in Lily’s chest the following weeks. Jamie had taken to staying in the boy’s dorm to avoid any kind of contact with her and the other girls. Sirius had stepped up, becoming extra protective of her and sending daggers at anyone who dared to even glance in Jamie’s direction. Lily tried getting her alone to apologize for weeks before eventually cornering her and Remus one day after Defense Against the Dark Arts.

“Potter,” said Lily, breathless as she chased her down the hallway, “please, I wanted to talk to you.”

Jamie spun around with a dazzling smile. “Evans! Coming to tell me you’ve finally changed your mind?”

The flirtatious wink sent Lily over the edge, her planned speech quickly abandoned. “Oh, you’re impossible!”

“Don’t worry, love,” Jamie casually laughed, “take your time, I can wait.”

Completely speechless and beyond flustered, Lily had no choice but to storm away. She was thirteen and emotional, and years away from controlling the way her feelings manifested themselves. So for the following weeks (and then years) as Jamie kept up the teasing, Lily responded emphatically with thunderous huffs and exaggerated scoffs.

By seventh year, their routine became so practiced, Lily barely noticed her heart skip anymore when Jamie shot off her endless string of compliments. Barely flinched when Potter suggested there could be a question of Lily’s tastes.

There weren’t any questions.

She didn’t fancy girls.

Had there been close calls through the years? Sure.

On a warm spring day down by the lake, when Dorcas placed an innocent hand on Lily’s thigh while laughing at a dumb joke, had Lily’s stomach somersaulted in a not-totally-unpleasant way? Yes. Had she spent the next few months secretly hoping it would happen again? Possibly.

Had there been times where Lily caught her eyes wandering to the hems of skirts or lingering on Jamie’s impossibly long eyelashes, only magnified by those stupid, round wire-rimmed lenses? It didn’t matter.

Those moments weren’t real. They never formed as full sentences in her head, mentally blocked before they took shape. The heat on her leg left behind from Dorcas’s touch didn’t mean anything if she didn’t give it a name. Ideas could float untethered around her mind as long as they never met the ground.

The thoughts she had about boys were real. Shared giggles with Mary about Sirius Black’s sharp jawline or Amos Diggory’s playful charm flowed with ease. Her crush on Remus Lupin during their fourth year terrified her to admit out loud, but there had never been a question about whether she was allowed to let her imagination run wild over his floppy sandy hair and pleasant quiet smile. Boys were easy.

The thought of liking girls never would have crossed her mind if Jamie hadn’t said those words to her in Herbology all those years ago. Lily hadn’t even known that was an option before. Perhaps if Jamie had kept her mouth shut, if she hadn’t spent the next four years poking and prodding at Lily’s very secure sexuality, then Lily would never have found herself repeating the whispered phrase in her mind,

Please don’t let me fancy girls. Please, please don’t let me fancy girls.

***

On one unusually warm and breezy day in March, Professor Slughorn called for Lily to stay behind for a moment after Potions. She waved on her friends, promising to meet them at the Great Hall later for lunch, and happily made her way to the front of the classroom.

“Miss Evans!” boomed Slughorn. “I had a favor to ask of you if you’d be up to it.”

“Of course,” she said. The Potions Professor had always been one of her biggest supporters at Hogwarts and she rarely passed up an opportunity to lend a hand.

“You see, I’ve completely run out of Flobberworm Mucus and I’ve got a lesson on Sleeping Draughts for my first years this afternoon.” He checked his watch and shook his head as a group of fourth years started parading into the dungeons. “And as you can see, I’ve got classes back to back until then! My dear, would you mind running down to Pippen’s Apothecary during your lunch break? I can write you a note and let Minerva know you’ll be popping down to Hogsmead for just a moment…”

“I’d be more than happy to,” said Lily, eager to get outside and stretch her legs. The prospect of getting to see the little village outside of the usually scheduled trips thrilled her.

“Wonderful!” said Slughorn, summoning a piece of parchment and adding his signature in a swooping, elegant script. “A tankard of mucus should do, and of course they know where to bill it to.”

Lily grabbed the note with a grin and spun on her heel to head out the door, practically skipping on her way out.

The moment she stepped outside the castle, her lungs filled with a humid air, fresh from the previous night’s rain. Puddles littered the pathways, serving as an extra reminder to enjoy the sunny weather when it managed to crash through the otherwise constant cover of clouds. With a squeal of excitement, Lily shrugged off her robes and rolled up her sleeves, letting the warm breeze wash over her skin and whip through her hair.

A rare taste of independence played on Lily’s lips, curling up the corners into a wide smile. She held onto the precious moment alone, briskly walking towards the village as she imagined what life outside of Hogwarts had in store for her. Adulthood approached as quickly as the little shops and bustling pathways of Hogsmeade Village, and soon she reached her destination.

Faint, tinkling bells announced Lily’s arrival as she stepped through the front door of Pippen’s Apothecary. Sunlight poured through the large front windows, soaking the rows of shelves with a golden glow. Bundles of herbs, jars of multi-colored liquids, and barrels of crystals lined the shop’s walls and overflowed into its hallways. And towards the front of the store, a knobly old man in a well-worn cloak stroked a mewing black cat with round, yellow eyes.

“Welcome to Pippens,” he smiled. “It’s not a Hogwarts weekend, is it?”

Lily ignored the disappointed pang of being recognized as a student and approached the front counter. “No, sir, it’s a tuesday,” she said. “I’ve just been sent by Professor Slughorn to pick up a tankard of Flobberworm Mucus.”

“Ah, of course,” said the man, squinting down at Lily’s note. “Old Horace runs through that mucus faster than a unicorn during a solar eclipse.”

She let the unfamiliar metaphor fall to the side with a chuckle and watched the shopkeeper shuffle back into his storage closet. The cat nudged Lily’s arm with a soft meow, unflinching towards the clanking and bumping sounds of the man pouring a thick liquid into a pint-sized container.

“I’ve put Horace’s invoice in the bag here,” said the man, handing over a canvas tote with the mucus lovingly wrapped up inside. “He knows where to find me!”

Lily thanked him with and grin and gave the cat another scratch behind the ears before turning to leave.

“Now you didn’t hear this from me,” called the man as Lily was halfway out the door, “but Fortescue’s brought his ice cream cart out for the first warm day of the year, and I hear he’s handing out free samples.” He sent a cheery wink in her direction.

“Oh, thank you, sir!” Lily beamed and she waved goodbye.

Ice cream sounded lovely.

The cart wasn’t hard to find, as a small crowd of villagers had lined up to take advantage of Fortescue’s deal. The giddiness of being surrounded by adults in the real world fluttered back as Lily queued with other shopkeeps on their lunch breaks and locals enjoying an afternoon on the streets. When it came her turn to order, she received a generous sample of the mint chocolate chip and a sweet smile from Florean Fortescue himself.

She couldn’t dream up a more perfect afternoon. Lily walked slowly through the streets of Hogsmead, determined to drink in as much of the gorgeous day as possible. The trees, just starting to bud, swayed back and forth rhythmically, and the grass, freshly watered, still smelled like a new morning’s dew. She watched the witches and wizards stroll down the pathways. A short man with a top hat chased after a yappy dog while a large wizard peered down at his comically small pocket watch, and on a bench across the street from where she stood, two witches took turns sharing an ice cream cone.

Lily’s heart skipped a beat as her eyes locked onto the women sitting together on the bench. They looked to be in their late twenties or possibly early thirties. Both wore fashionable cloaks with trendy hairstyles and one of the women was reading a well-loved book in between licks of chocolate ice cream, her feet propped up on the bench, and her shoulder leaning against the other woman. A warmth flooded Lily’s chest as her heartrate quickened watching the pair, shocked by how lovely she found the simple scene.

Lily watched as the reading witch, not taking her eyes from her book, angled her head to ask for another bite of ice cream, but instead of bringing the cone to her lips as she had done before, the other woman surprised her with a quick kiss. The overwhelming flood of emotions burst from Lily’s chest in a gasp.

She wanted what she saw before her. She wanted the lazy afternoon sitting on a bench, curled up with a book and an ice cream cone and a girl to lean against.

Her mind raced with thoughts crashing to the ground with such force that their echos reverberated through her entire body, making her knees week and hands tremble. Every blurry idea in her head racked into focus, each half formulated sentence allowed itself to be completed with an exclamation point. Lily stared ahead at the bench where the possibilities of her future blew open like a firework spreading across the night sky.

After what felt like ages of watching the two witches, Lily finally peeled her gaze away and forced herself to make her way back to Hogwarts. Every step felt like walking on clouds as she practically floated up the road towards the castle. That is until she came face to face with another girl wearing a school uniform and a stupidly happy grin on her face.

“Potter?”

“Evans?”

Jamie had appeared in front of her out of thin air.

“What are you doing at Hogsmeade?” asked Lily, praying her shaking voice wasn’t too obvious. She hadn’t been prepared to see Jamie while her emotions were this heightened. The pounding of her heart beat into her eardrums and threatened to leap out her throat. Jamie wore her usual crooked smile, so effortless on her soft features, mirrored perfectly in those mischievous hazel eyes.

“I could ask you the same question,” said Jamie, cocking an eyebrow. That feeling of anger Lily associated with Potter and her teasing bubbled up to the surface. But it wasn’t anger she felt. It was fear. A deep fear of how Jamie’s playful jokes made her stomach flutter and her cheeks blush. And now that Lily’s image of herself grew clearer in her mind’s eye with every passing moment, she no longer had the capacity to bottle up and explain away the fear she felt when looking at Jamie Potter, who had always made her feel this way.

Feeling so desperately alive, she had to do something.

“I’m running an errand for Professor Slughorn,” she said calmly, “but I can assume you don’t have an excuse to be outside the castle.”

“Ah, you caught me, Evans,” said Jamie with a chuckle. “Look, I was just popping down to Honeydukes to pick Remus up his favorite chocolate bars. I could’ve taken the tunnel- and I probably should’ve considering our little run-in here- but it’s such a lovely day that I said screw it and walked the path instead.” She shrugged her shoulders, not looking too disappointed about being discovered.

Lily narrowed her eyes and put all of her efforts into provoking Jamie. “Well, maybe I should just say screw it and give you a month's worth of detentions, Potter.”

It worked. Jamie’s eyes widened like saucers and her smirk grew into a proper grin. “Oh, Evans, stop that, you’re making me blush! Merlin, what I would do if you ever switched your fancies.”

Jamie had walked right into her trap. With a deep breath and a pointed stare, trying to convey every feeling exploding through her body, Lily responded, “What would you do?”

Jamie froze, clearly never expecting a reply to the scenario she so often suggested.

Lily ignored the flush spreading across her face and continued. “What would you do if I told you I fancied girls. If I fancied you. ” Her heart thudded so painfully against her chest, she thought she might be sick.

Jamie stood slackjawed, not breaking eye contact, like a deer in headlights. The girl who always had a quick comeback or a smart retort for every situation had been rendered speechless. The painful reality that Jamie’s previous words had no intent of action behind them crashed over Lily like a wave breaking in the middle of an ocean storm. And now the drops of saltwater spilled over, stinging the corners of her eyes.

“Enjoy your time in the village, Potter,” she said softly as she turned away from Jaimie, escaping the nightmare as quickly as possible.

The ground, which had felt weightless only a moment ago, became hard and cruel under her feet as she trudged back up the path to the castle. How could she be so stupid? Why did she allow her bursting adrenalin to make her do something so reckless?

“Evans!” Jamie shouted from behind, but Lily wouldn’t turn around, couldn’t let Potter see the tears welling in her eyes. “Lily, wait!”

A hand clutched Lily’s wrist and tugged back hard, spinning her whole body around in a flash. Two gentle palms grasped the side of her head and cupped her cheek while hazel eyes bore into her own. Jamie Potter’s face was inches from her own, dazed and flustered and looking for a clue.

Lily responded instinctually with the only clue Jamie needed. A laughing smile of uncontainable joy.

Jamie crashed forward, meeting Lily’s lips in an exhilarating kiss that set her nerve endings on fire. Soft and firm, the years of pent up emotion spilled between their mouths and hands and bodies as they drew closer to one another. Lily ran her fingers through Jamie’s wonderful hair and bumped her adorable wire-rimmed glasses with her nose. She never could have known how good this would feel.

When they finally came up for air, Jamie’s face glowed with shock and happiness under the sunlight, her cheeks flushed and eyes unbelieving. Lily couldn’t help but pull her into a tight embrace and commit the feeling of her to memory, never wanting to live in the dark ever again.

“Hey, Jamie?” Lily asked into the girl’s shoulder. “Do you want to go get ice cream with me?”

Jamie tightened the hug, nearly suffocating Lily in the best possible way. “Oh, Evans, what I would do to get ice cream with you.”

#fem!jily february #femslash february #jily #jily fic #dylan writes #fem!james potter #wlw #harry potter #fanfic

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camillemontespan · 4 years

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ten years from now [AU. drake walker x camille montespan] [part eleven: whiskey & roses]

I really like this gif.. just everything about it.

Master List if you want to catch up

A/N: I think I’m not 100% happy with this chapter because a large part of this is taken from personal experience so I guess it kinda hurts. I’m actually nervous to post this!

My situation wasn’t exactly like Drake and Camille’s (like I’ve never been engaged lol or had an affair) but my ex boyfriend sort of inspired this fic. Our relationship was absolutely not like Drake and Camille’s, for one thing we weren’t best friends lol but we ended the way Drake ended things with Camille - he went to university while I was in my final year of high school. He just stopped messaging me back. I felt left behind. I was both Drake and Camille in that situation.

Three years after, he re-appeared in my life again. Camille’s confusion stems from my own personal confusion because I too felt adrift and unsure. Camille’s indecision, I hope, was written in a more realistic way. It’s not clear cut because it never is. She’s only human, she isn’t perfect. She is going to make mistakes.

So, Camille’s realisation in this chapter is inspired by my own thoughts.

FYI, I am now in a happy long term relationship with the best guy ever. Nearly 7 years! I’m starting to hint about weddings etc.. let’s watch him run for the hills! Lol I joke.

@moonlightgem7 @jovialyouthmusic @mskaneko @ibldw-main @katedrakeohd @pug-bitch @gooddaykate @princessleac1 @burnsoslow @loveellamae @pedudley @oofchoices @emichelle @simplymissjulia @dcbbw @sirbeepsalot @rainbowsinthestorm @notoriouscs @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @addictedtodrakefanfic @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @nomadics-stuff @gardeningourmet @marshmallowsandfire

**********************************************

Camille woke up to a text from Liam.

Thinking of you, darling. I'm sorry I couldn't come with you. I feel terrible. Call me later? I'd love to know how Gisele is doing. I've ordered flowers to be delivered to her FYI. She likes roses right? Who am I kidding, of course she does! She only gave me a tour of her garden! Anyway, I love you. Can't wait to see you when you're home x

********************

Drake dropped Camille off at the hospital that morning. She was very quiet, more so than usual. At first, he was worried he had done something wrong but after their phone call last night, when they had spoken about Jackson and laughed about past memories, he thought that perhaps she was just worried about her grandma.

‘Let me know when you’re out and I’ll pick you up,’ he told her gently. ‘You okay?’

Camille nodded. ‘She’s never been in hospital before.. Just nervous, that’s all.’

Drake squeezed her hand, reassured. ‘She’ll be fine. See you soon.’

Camille smiled bravely and got out of the pick up truck. Drake watched her enter the hospital, hoping all would be well.

*************************************

Gisele was awake, although slightly woozy from morphine, when Camille entered the hospital room. A bouquet of roses stood on the window sill. The note card had a message from Liam.

Keep smelling the roses. Get better soon, thinking of you. Liam x

Camille had fought back tears as she read the message. Forcing down the lump in her throat, Camille turned her attention to Gisele.

‘Mon petit chou..’ she croaked, reaching out to take Camille’s hands. ‘You’re so pretty, like my roses.'

Camille kissed her grandma’s hands and sat down close to the bed. ‘How are you feeling?’ she asked.

‘Pfft, fine,’ Gisele said. ‘Fine, fine, fine..’

Gisele eyed Camille. ‘You don’t look fine though. What’s wrong, mon cheri?’

Camille waved her hand but Gisele narrowed her eyes, not believing her. ‘Camille..’

Gisele never called Camille by her first name. She always called her granddaughter by pet names, such as little sunflower, little mushroom, little flower, always in French.

Swallowing, Camille shook her head. ‘I’m fine,’ she said. ‘Anyway, Drake was telling me about your fall. You’ve been in the wars, haven’t you? Silly grandma.’

Gisele brightened at the mention of Drake. ‘Oh yes, he helped me! He called the ambulance, such a kind, good man..’

She smiled wistfully. ‘Liam is also kind and good.. He sent me roses.. '

Camille's heart beat a little faster at Gisele mentioning Liam. But then, why wouldn’t she? The two of them got on like a house of fire when they met properly. Gisele had flirted with him, for God’s sake.

‘Two young men, both so loyal and kind to you, mon cheri..’ Gisele whispered, smiling wider. ‘One from your past, the other is.. Well, he is your one, isn’t he? He is your present and future..’

She was really doped up on morphine.

‘Grandma..’ Camille muttered.

Gisele pointed her finger in the air. ‘Drake and Liam.. Both so good.. Past and future collide.’

Camille blinked back tears as the heavy weight of reality bore down on her shoulders. Indeed, Drake was her past. The past had already been written. So why was she going back to it? Why was she opening the door to the past when her future looked bright? Why was she hurting the man she was going to marry?

Camille knew why if she really thought about it. Drake made her feel things. He made her feel like fire. He made her feel alive.

Their history was a well written and comprehensive book made up of volumes. Each page was filled with their words, spoken and unspoken. They had been together through everything. They had supported each other and loved each other. Nobody else could read their book and understand it. It was the book of Drake and Camille.

But Drake had left her all those years ago without warning. He had taken her heart and crushed it into pieces, not even bothering to give her an explanation. He had left her life without saying goodbye. He left her suspended, floating in the air, unable to fall to earth. Life without Drake had left her without an anchor to keep her grounded. Without Drake, she hadn't known who she was. Who was Camille Montespan?

Of course, she knew now what Drake had gone through. Why he had stopped talking to her. But if he had truly loved her, he would have treated her heart like fine china, like Liam did. He would have kept it safe. He would have realised what he was dealing with. The fifteen years that shaped their relationship should not have been so easily discarded.

Camille didn't want to hurt him. She really didn't. But their relationship had already been fractured by hurt and pain. It was complicated, too complicated. Seeing him again had only made her doubt everything she had; she felt untethered again, suspended in the air, floating like a balloon, unable to drop back to earth. Camille was sick of this feeling.

For ten years, Camille had unknowingly been keeping the door open for him. Drake could have re-entered whenever he wished.

Enough now.

Camille needed to return to earth.

**************************************

Drake noted how quiet Camille was when he picked her up an hour later. ‘How was she?’ he finally asked when they were driving through town.

‘Doped up on morphine, could barely get a coherent sentence out of her,’ Camille muttered, looking out of the window.

Drake sighed and stopped talking. He knew that when Camille was in these uncharacteristic moods, he should let her be. She would come to him eventually.

They reached her grandma's house. Clambering out of the truck, they walked up the path to the house together. Camille unlocked the door and entered, Drake close behind.

'I need to water her roses,' Camille said softly.

Drake sank down at the kitchen table and watched Camille as she filled a pitcher with water. She went outside and started to water the roses that her grandmother loved so much.

Drake watched Camille as she crouched to inspect a rose bush. In her unguarded moment, she looked like she might crumble. Drake saw with alarm that tears were starting to trickle down her cheeks.

He was on his feet instantly, rushing outside to comfort her. Drake got to his knees and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.

'Don't worry about Gisele, she'll be fine..' he soothed. 'It's okay..'

Camille let out a harsh sob. She burrowed her face into Drake's neck, crying openly, her tears sliding down Drake's throat.

'Shh honey, it's alright..' he murmured.

'It's not,' Camille choked out. 'It's really not.'

'She'll be out of hospital soon -'

'I'm thinking about us, Drake,' Camille interrupted, her voice thick. 'This situation. It's getting hard. Really fucking hard.'

Drake went silent. His heart sank as he realised that she had been quiet because of him. She had been thinking.

'Okay,' he said, keeping his voice steady. 'What do you want to do about it?'

Camille exhaled. Her eyes met his. 'I'm getting married, Drake,' she whispered. 'It's not clean cut for me-'

'Do you still love him?' Drake interrupted.

Camille went quiet, her jaw setting. Drake closed his eyes. 'Camille..'

Camille nodded, mutely answering his question.

'So you've just been stringing me along then?' Drake asked. His heart was hammering inside his chest. 'You see your ex and thought it would spice things up if you had some fun before you settled down? Is that it?'

'No!' Camille burst out. 'I'd never do that to you!'

'Then tell me how it is then!' Drake cried. 'How can you kiss me in mazes and sleep with me? How can you talk to me about your deepest thoughts and have phone calls with me late at night reminiscing? How can you do all of that while still loving him?'

Camille struggled to her feet. Drake followed suit so he stood over her.

'You confuse me!' Camille said, her voice rising. 'You remind me of everything that has happened with us. The good and the bad. The good is fucking incredible, Drake, but I feel like we're just picking up where we left off. With Liam in the mix, I feel like I’m free falling. It’s gotten too hard!-'

'I get it!' Drake interrupted. 'Look, I've tried to be your friend but it's not working. There's too much under the surface. So yeah, it is complicated. But maybe it's complicated because really, deep down, you want me. You want us. If you didn't, we wouldn't be having this conversation!'

He was aware he sounded desperate now. It was pathetic.

Camille took a deep breath. 'Do you want me to break up with him? Cancel my wedding? Throw away everything I've worked for?'

'You're not happy,' Drake said, his eyes boring into hers. He took her by the arms. 'I know you're not. You're not the same when you're with him. You fit into this mould that's been made for you, this sophisticated New Yorker with the job, the lifestyle, the fiancée. But that's not you. Camille, everything you have worked for is just a facade. It's smoke and mirrors - '

'How dare you!' Camille shouted, pushing him away. 'You know nothing about my life! You know nothing about Liam! You were out of my life for ten years, Drake. Ten years!'

'Camille,' Drake ground out. He was losing patience now. 'If you go back to him, you’re settling. You’re settling for a life of comfort and safety but that’s not the way to live-'

'I stand to lose everything while you don't put anything on the line,' Camille told him, raising her chin defiantly. 'You want me to break his heart.'

'Someone's gonna get their heart broken, Camille,' Drake muttered. 'And right now, you seem more keen to break mine.'

Camille stepped back. She swallowed down the lump in her throat.

'Liam is a good man,' Camille told him. 'He's never hurt me. He loves me. I can't keep doing this, going behind his back and lying.'

'So you're ending this?' Drake asked in disbelief. Camille looked up, willing the tears to stop falling. Drake stared at her, his eyes narrow. ‘Camille, fucking talk to me.’

Camille wrung her hands together. 'Given our track record, Drake, surely we should be used to leaving each other by now.'

Drake looked away. Camille stepped forward. 'Drake, it's getting too messy.'

'So you've made your decision?' Drake asked, still not looking at her.

'I'm taking the space you gave me,' Camille whispered.

Drake nodded mutely. He shoved his hands in his pockets.

'Nothing more to say then, huh?' he said quietly.

'Drake -'

'Don't, Camille,' Drake interrupted, looking at her now. She looked distraught. Drake imagined he looked the same. 'I'll give you your space. Enjoy life with Liam.'

Camille watched as Drake shoved past her. She heard the front door slam and she knew that he had left her life for the second time, but this time, from her own making.

************************

That evening, Drake sat on the jetty with a bottle of whiskey in his hand. He was intending to get black out drunk and sink into oblivion.

He felt empty. His life had become brighter with her in it. Camille had a way of making him feel light, happy and content. He felt like he was worth something when he was with her.

Drake regretted how things had ended between them. He always did. If Drake had his way, things between him and Camille would never end.

Drake loved her.

He closed his eyes. 'I never told her I loved her..' he whispered to himself. 'I told her everything else except that.'

Realisation dawned on him. It was true. Not once had he told Camille those three important words while they had reunited this past month. He had been too caught up in the heated moments with her. He had been drowning, unable to come up for air. Now, he had reached the surface, breaking the still waters.

'I love you,' he said out loud. 'I love you. I love you.'

Drake let out a breath and clenched the bottle of whiskey.

'I love you.'

Drake needed to tell her. He needed to show her what life with him would be like. Endless summers in Texas. Coffee and pancakes in the morning. Complete and utter adoration. Babies. 4th of July. Fireworks. Whiskey. Love.

He had grown up now. He was older and wiser than he had been ten years ago. He could offer her a future he hadn't been aware of before. Drake could see clearly now, crystal clear.

Camille still saw him as her ex boyfriend. Drake hadn't done anything to show her that he could be more than that.

He couldn't make the same mistake twice. Swigging his whiskey, Drake made a decision. He was going to fight for his future. He swore to himself that ten years from now, Camille would be in it.

She was his past, present and future and there was no way he was giving that up so easily.

***********************************

In the pit of her stomach, Camille felt pain. Sheer, blinding pain.

She had hurt Drake. She hadn’t wanted to. But she had to get back to reality and own up to her indiscretions. She had to move forward, even if that meant doing the hard thing.

Camille drafted a text to Liam now.

I’ll be flying home tomorrow. Grandma is alright. Can we talk? x

She sent the message.

Camille was back to reality, colliding with the earth, bracing for impact.

#drake walker #trr fanfic #the royal romance

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plounce · 5 years

Text

hugely nerdy and self indulgent cr2/doctor who crossover widomauk rambling, as promised. under the cut you will find: caleb the time/space travelling atoner, nott & jester & fjord & beau the companions, molly the jack harkness/river song figure, and as always: ludicrous romantic tension.

caleb is the doctor because it’s the most obvious choice and sometimes the most obvious choice is the most suitable, and also the easiest. repentant, keeping other people around for their utility and how they keep him human, kind of a pushy know-it-all weirdo bastard, etc. the whole doctor deal. destroyed his whole planet! but probably for less noble reasons. oh caleb you bastard etc. is currently trying to gather the tools and knowledge from across space-time to “fix” his mistake.

nott, jester, fjord, and beau are his companions. nott was his first companion, because she's what really opened him up to the idea of having someone with him, someone that can keep him in line and human, and that it's good to have a friend instead of being alone.

after nott leaves (probably doesn’t die? just. Has To Leave for some reason, she’s okay) caleb is despondent and HERE COMES JESTER! GAP YEAR! and also on the run, but that’s less important. she’s an alien! jester and fjord’s tenures overlap slightly, and then jester leaves to go back to her mom. later on caleb abandons fjord back home after fjord almost Awakens a very bad being to obtain Great Power and caleb is like yeah... this dude should not be around me and the power i have, i’m bad enough already, two of us hopping through spacetime is. not a great combo for all life in the universe

he’s not looking to have another companion after that but look who it is! beau. and beau doesn’t want to be there and caleb doesn’t want her there but she’s STUCK in the tardis for some scifi reason and ZANY ADVENTURES AND ETHICAL CONUNDRUMS ENSUE and she’s the best companion (she’s caleb’s donna). they fight so much and caleb appreciates it. beau like... realizes that she has power in her life! she can affect change! she’s meaningful and can achieve great good! and she turns out really cool and good. hell yeah beau i love her

molly is a sort of jack harkness/river song figure, except better because i’m not steven moffat. jumping around spacetime with a vortex manipulator to have fun and see everything and indulge in all the luxuries the universe has to offer, popping in and out of caleb’s timeline in haphazard, shuffled order. it’s always sort of ambiguous if they’re in a romance or not? because they’re trying to avoid unstable paradoxes and oversharing information, but there’s lingering looks and dropped hints. they eventually start keeping little timeline journals to figure out when the other is. (if you know penumbra, throw in a dash of peter nureyev as well.)

when caleb first meets molly, molly’s known him for a good long while at that point. nott’s with him at that point, and when he meets her molly's face lights up and he goes "so THIS is nott the brave! i've heard so much about you! mostly good things." because in molly’s timeline, this is the first time he’s met the famous nott! up until then, from his perspective, nott had left the tardis. and nott is like ........who? the fuck? are you? and caleb is also like........ ah fuck this is weird. ok. ok

molly travels with them for a month or so, and then bids them adieu and flounces off to live his own life. “it’s what we do,” he explains to nott and caleb. “i live my life, and you live your life, but it’s always so good to see you.”

right before he leaves, he pauses and considers caleb, a hand tapping his chin and a smirk curling up his mouth. then he leans in and drops a peck on caleb's lips. "you told me i do that when i first leave," molly says, winking. caleb isn't quite sure if molly is telling the truth, or if he's just making up an excuse as to why he kissed him, but he's bright red and he can't really react or even process it. because he’d noticed molly was pretty - how could one not - but he’s never even considered having romantic relationships, what with the weight on his shoulders, but - but???????

then molly says, "i'll be seeing you later, mister caleb." and he walks into the packed spaceport they’re in, and caleb is standing there stunned, and then nott returns with two cups of coffee, and she looks at caleb's face & posture and the last flicker of riotous color disappearing into so many people, and she goes, "what just happened?! what did he do?! do you want me to follow him?! make him pay?!" and caleb absently reaches up to his mouth, then curls his hand into a fist at the last moment. "no... no, nott. let's go back to the tardis, ja?"

the next time caleb sees molly, it’s a month after that. so caleb has known him for two months. but molly says he’s known caleb for a long, long time, and looks at him so sweetly and caringly for a moment that caleb has to look away. molly asks how long caleb’s known him, and caleb says “two months.” and molly goes “oh!” and seems to consciously put whatever feelings he has in a little box in his head, and acts very normally and courteously towards him, seems to purposefully distance himself from him. there’s still some lingering looks and unconscious touches that he can’t seem to help, and everyone knows what’s going on, but caleb just does his best to ignore it and everyone else doesn’t acknowledge it. it’s a weird, kind of awkward situation.

“i don’t want to make caleb uncomfortable,” he tells nott at some point. “the poor man has enough stress in his life already. i just try to bring some laughter and light into his life when i see him.” caleb and molly almost have a talk about some things, but they get interrupted with no small amount of Dramatic Irony, and then...

that adventure closes with molly dying to save caleb and nott’s lives. stands in front of the evil alien of the week, scifi weapons flashing even as he’s near death, listing to one side but still spitting out curses and quips, just enough time for the safety of an airlock door to close in front of caleb and nott. and when that door opens, the room is empty except for a huge sword plunged through molly’s chest and into the floor, and molly is already cold. his coat is in tatters and his eyes are still open. there were no goodbyes.

they push his body out to drift in space, free and untethered. they take his coat and hang it up in the closet of the room molly stayed in for that first month, because molly loved that coat and they can’t just... let it freeze in the vacuum of space.

caleb is tempted to save the little journal that molly said he kept their timelines straight in, is tempted to read it and learn and know and have control over that so he can stop it from happening so molly doesn’t die for him or get involved with him - but nott stops his hand and says third rule: no unstable paradoxes. and caleb nods, and huffs out a weak laugh at the callback to his crash-course time travelling guide, and leaves the little book in molly’s pant pocket.

the next time he sees him he's shocked - he stands stock still as molly lopes up to him, and molly goes "mister caleb! so excited to see you, hello darling! lovely as always to run into you. let's compare notes, shall we? line ourselves up?" and caleb stops - stutters backward - and then walks away, heedless of molly's confused, unknowing "caleb? caleb, what's wrong?" and he goes back to the tardis and tells nott they have to go somewhere else. they can't stay in this time and location. they have to leave. caleb can't let molly interact with him again. he can't. he's too dangerous. not after he got molly killed, and nott barely escaping with her life.

so time goes on, and nott helps caleb continue on, and one night as they float through an asteroid belt she quietly says, "it's okay to be sad about him. even though you know he's kind of okay, right now and before and after. everyone dies, caleb." and caleb doesn't say anything, just fiddling with the console.

"did you love him?" nott ventures.

caleb sighs. "nott, i barely knew him. we'd only met twice."

nott shifts uncomfortably where she's perched among the columns. "well, it seems like you probably will, judging by how he was, yknow, looking at you and touching you. hugging you and all that. yeah. and, yknow. you should let yourself have that. because you're going to. or something like that. whatever, time travel is weird."

and caleb weakly chuckles, then sighs, and slumps against the controls, and stands there for a long, long moment. then he says, "we should get some sleep. i'll take you to one of the best vineyards in the six nearest galaxies tomorrow, i promise you."

the next time caleb sees molly isn't for a long time, and caleb despairs that he wasted his last look at molly with running away from him even though he knows that’s not how their timeline works, but it goes to the back of his mind as he continues learning and having adventures and gathering the knowledge and the tools he needs for what he wants to do.

nott leaves, and jester arrives. and then one day they’re in a packed, crowded market square on a trade planet, and jester is calling caleb over to a little stall by a tent and there, sitting at the counter and fanning cards in front of jester’s eager eyes, is molly.

caleb is so relieved to see him, to apologize for how he acted before and to see a dead man walking and to apologize (even though he can’t say why - but he remembers molly commenting you’re always saying sorry to me for things i have no idea about and you always refuse to tell me! it’s kind of cute. a little tic you have.), but molly doesn't recognize him. molly is chattering away with jester, schmoozing, trying to get her to come to fletching and moondrop’s space-travelling carnival of curiosities, and jester is tugging on caleb's arm saying pleeeease please can we go caleb pleeeeeeaaase it sounds soooo fun!

molly winks, glitter drawn in swirls on his face, and caleb notices he doesn't have his coat or all of his tattoos and scars yet, and there’s no spark of recognition in his eyes. "caleb, is it?" molly says, and caleb's breath catches in his throat. "i'm sure at least one part of our collection can put a smile on that handsome face of yours."

blah blah blah it continues on. there’s an adventure, gustav gives molly his vortex manipulator after the carnival gets shut down and molly travels with caleb and jester for a bit while he figures out how to fix it. then he does, and strikes out on his own. and then things weave on from there, and caleb is always afraid that this is the last time in his timeline that he’ll see molly, and he’s tightroping between wanting to savor it and wanting to push him away and wanting to deny that there’s anything there.

hm... i imagine yasha is like. from a planet that is kind of. daleky? caduceus is a cool alien with a fixed-point shop and stuff. angel. i’ll add more to this post if i ever think of anything. yeehaw!

#chirps #robcr #critical role #widomauk

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