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v-i-r-i-d-i-a-n · 3 months

Text

(I’m using caps, I am not upset JUST PASSIONATE)

This is an Eleven character rant/study, I have a really hard time putting my thoughts into words so I’m sorry if I talk in a circle a lot but I am simply ranting

Y’ALL DONT GET IT

ELS CHARACTER ARC DOESNT MAKE SENSE IF SHE STAYS WITH MIKE

AND IM GONNA TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE A LOT OF Y’ALL FORGET THAT IF BYLER DOES HAPPEN SHES GONNA PLAY A BIG PART IN THE STORY CUS YK SHES MIKES GIRLFRIEND AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP HAS TO END FOR THAT TO BECOME AN ACTUAL THING

From the moment we’re introduced to El we know that her character arc is about personal freedom, being free, being her own person, she escapes from the lab where she has no freedom and has never had the ability to make her own decisions, that is THE FIRST thing we learn about El; Is that she is searching for freedom. We know El has never had the chance or has even been given the right to choose what happens in her life. We learn that throughout season one, with her being uneducated on the simplest things, not knowing what privacy is and in the end not really wanting privacy, and then she “dies” finally choosing something for herself.

Even in S2 we see her yet again, being in a situation where she does not have freedom. Living with Hopper was like a prison, it reminded El of living in the lab, it reminded her that she did not have control over her life, THAT YET AGAIN the government was deciding what she could and couldn’t do. Even if not directly, the reason Hopper wouldn’t let her out of the house was because the lab was actively searching for her. El didn’t have freedom when living with Hopper.

And then we see her finally choose something for herself, she leaves the house despite it not being safe because she doesn’t want to be controlled anymore, she wants to have freedom. And then someone see’s her and Hopper yells and takes away the ONE THING that connected her to the outside world and she runs away. To be free, to try and finally get some answers for herself. To have the freedom to create her own opinions on information she doesn’t know yet.

And then we meet Kali, and it’s the free-est El has probably EVER felt in her entire life. AND THEN Kali manipulates her, and tries to get her to do something she doesn’t want to do. SHE YET AGAIN DOESNT HAVE TRUE FREEDOM BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE IS TRYING TO DICTATE HER LIFE, TO USE HER AS A WEAPON

IN S3 SHES ABLE TO SEE MIKE AND GET OUT OF THE HOUSE SOMETIMES BUT SHE STILL ISNT FREE BECAUSE WE KNOW THAT SHE REALLY ONLY SPENDS TIME WITH MIKE AND MIKE ALWAYS COMES TO HOPPERS HOUSE WE KNOW EL DOESNT KNOW WHO SHE IS, THAT SHE DOESNT TRY AND DISCOVER HERSELF FOR AT LEAST 6 MONTHS AFTER THE EVENTS OF S2

El’s arc in S3 is, again, about self discovery (freedom), finally having a sense of being able to make her own choices, trying to figure herself out as a person, OUTSIDE of Mike and Hopper. Figuring out what she likes and doesn’t like and how to have fun and how to be a kid with Max.

EVEN IN S4 EL HAD A TASTE OF FREEDOM AND THEN GETS SWEPT AWAY BY THE LAB ONCE AGAIN. WITHOUT LEARNING TRULY WHO SHE IS YET

Now I know a lot of Mike and El shippers would argue that being with Mike was something that El actively chose on her own but you have to understand how their relationship even came to be to know that’s absolute bullshit

El didn’t know what a friend was when she escaped the lab, and I can tell you FOR SURE that she didn’t understand what Mike meant when he kissed her. Maybe on a surface level, but not really fully understanding it all, I highly doubt Papa taught El ANYTHING about relationships. So this idea of romance was thrust upon her when she had no real idea what it was

The only understanding of romance El had was that of the shows she watched in Hoppers cabin, and we all know that was a dolled up fantasy version of love, but it’s the only example El was ever given, so even if she didn’t fully understand love she thought that was what people did. I don’t know if El ever loved Mike, or if it was hormones, or just simply because she thought “oh, this is what people do. This is what Mike meant. Well, it doesn’t seem too bad. And I’m supposed to do it right? That’s how I’m supposed to act? That’s how people act. So that’s how I will act.” And maybe El did really like Mike, or maybe she confused friendship for love. That I’m not really sure.

But I do know one thing, and that’s that being in a relationship is not healthy for El. Even at this point El doesn’t know who she is as a person, she’s still figuring it out. She’s still searching for that freedom her ENTIRE arc has been about.

And I know a million people have already talked about how Mikes arc surrounds needing to be needed, and that, at its bare bones, is not healthy for El. She does not need him. Maybe at first she did, in S1, when she had just escaped from the lab and needed some sort of guidance, but it was the same way she needed Max, she needed someone to guide her through the basics of being a person..But she does not need him now.

At least not in the relationship type of way. I THINK MIKE AND EL COULD BE REALLY GOOD FRIENDS. But it’s not healthy for either of them to stay together.

Because El needs to find herself outside of someone else, outside of Hopper, outside of Joyce, outside of Max, outside of Mike.

And being in a relationship does not allow her to do that.

Might rant about how Mike staying with El also doesn’t work for him as well idk

I WROTE THIS INSTEAD OF DOING SCHOOL SO SORRY IF ITS RUSHED

#stranger things #mike wheeler #eleven #jane hopper #eleven hopper #character study #byler #<— target audience #will byers #RAHHHHH #PEOPLE DONT UNDERSTAND THEM LIKE I DO #I JUST WANT MY BBG TO BE HAPPU #I WANT HER TO BE ABLE TO BE FREE AND ALIVE #AND WIDGEOFHUSLZHCISK CH

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helluvabossrewrite45 · 10 months

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Hello, I just wanna say that your scene rewrites are amazing. Seeing Stars has got to be one of my favourites.

On the topic of Octavia, I agree that Viv and her team missed an opportunity with Via. To me in the context of the narrative, Octavia can be a tragic character that is screwed over by the writing. It is implied that she takes after Stolas with her love of astronomy as their form of bonding. Yet, she slowly watches her father drift away from them and is probably wondering if they—she even matters to him. You’re just watching a parent that you had a close bond to just leave you behind because they found someone else that captivated their interest. On top of the divorce that is currently going on would leave a child feeling doubtful.

I also just never understood why the writers want to keep having her being mad at her dad, even though they say that Stella has clearly been ruining the family, yet it’s his fault? Half the time the writing seesaws on Stella and Via’s dynamic because the only time she does care is when Stolas is there and…I get that could be counted as gaslighting, but the character lacks subtlety that it’s hard to tell when she’s always yelling. More often she doesn’t even care for her with two episodes implying this.

I just in general feel frustrated with this family because either avenue could be interesting if the writers took it seriously enough but they don’t and instead choose spur of the moment scenes that we have to use as jigsaw puzzle with some pieces not fitting because world building barely matters.

Sorry for the ramble. You’re version or fix it is probably one of my top favourites for the characters because I can definitely see the use of the loosely outlined jigsaw puzzle. Have a nice day/evening.

Thank you anon, im glad you like my rewrites

I agree 100% with via, they did the same thing with moxxie to her, that being repeating the same arc again of her being mad at her dad but forgive him in the end. It kind of shows that just like moxxie, they didnt know what to do with her which is a shame because the small details she has are there to be fully explored, but they never explore them. Like her and music, she oftens listens it even at the dinner table and with stellas reaction to the cheating affair, we can peice a puzzle of her doing it as a coping mechanism; escaping her problems through distraction. And with seeing stars main plot is around via running away to see a meteor shower, it would've been perfect to explore that side of her along with more knowledge of the family in general to piece this puzzle their giving (like the relationship with her mom, her uncle, the rest of their family, how they react to the situation, how their currently dealing with it, etc...) through flashbacks (since the whole point would've been that these issues wont go away no matter how much you try to ignore them) And yes, her closeness with her father drifting away is definitely tragic and its sucks that it wasnt futhered explored, especially with the entire goetta situation as a whole since were in season 2 and we dont even know how they reacted to it. It makes me wonder why even give us these pieces to solve properly if its so little that it makes it pretty impossible without theorizing from any vague info we have and thats not how problem solving works.

And yes, its odd that shes only mad at stolas but never to stella. I mean, i get she would be on her moms side because of him cheating but still with how stella is written, you'd think she'd hate her too. In this rewrite, stella would actually be subtle in her abuse to stolas in a way where you can still recognise it but also understand why other (like via) wouldnt. An example of this would be my first post where her and stolas confront each other about the divorce, the quote; '-or did you forget? Like you always do?'. Its meant to showcase her most common tactics, shaming. From her background (that i'll explain further in her own post), she oftens picks up things from her family, which shaming is included. She would shame stolas whenever he makes a mistake or does something she doesnt approve of (like if he wore a suit she didnt like, she would say; 'you know were meeting your family right? You think they want to see their son of royalty in that sort of wear?' or them arguing on how much time via should spend on her astronomy lessons; 'Shes going to be a future you and what, you wanna just, make her lazy, huh?!' (or even 'I didnt think you'd care that less for your own daughter....') See these are what you could recognise as shaming but also understand why people may not consider it so, potentially using excuses like 'oh shes probably right because its royalty/she just cares about looking good enough for her family' or 'oh she just cares for her daughter and her future' (ironically enough, those are kind of what fans AND the show itself use as an excuse for stolas lmao) but just because via doesnt recognise stella's abusive tendencies, doesnt mean she isnt upset with her. She very much is, mainly with stella's aggressiveness as stella developed anger issues throughout her life and didnt have anything to help it. Via hates it whenever stella yells because of course she would be, no one likes angry loud noises! Its just that unlike with stolas, shes not as open with her frustration to her mother because shes genuinely scared of her from that aggression that makes it much more harder to truly express her feelings about her, instead keeping it to herself along with her feelings towards how the rest of the family is reacting to it given that it just feels too much for her to be involved in. So the reason why shes only open on being mad at stolas is despite what he did, he's the only one she feels safe in being mad about (I mean, she does have andrealphus as someone safe to an extent though he's very dismissive of telling her whats going on with the goetias and definetly doesnt take being wrong well like stella so hes not much better) that way, it'd be more understandable and futher peice the puzzle of their family and their dynamic. Family itself is quite complicated because of the nuances it has behind it and i wanna incorporate that to the goetias were their not fully evil but tend to care about their statuses rather then whats right in front of them (that being them as a family) since i think its interesting to explore and wouldve suit stolas, stella and octavia really well.

No need to apologise for rambling, i like getting asks of peoples thoughts/ideas on helluva. Hell look, im rambling too. I hope you enjoy the future rewrites i have in store, have a nice day/evening too

#helluva boss critical #helluva boss critique #helluva boss criticism #helluva critical #helluva criticism #helluva critique #helluva boss rewrite #ask #anon

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law-d-water-trafalgar · 1 year

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Sparks 18+

1,000,000,000 Berry Woman, some mistakes, Goro Goro No Mi, Law x f.Reader, a sex scene, a date with Law Sabaody, four years with the Heart Pirates, Sabaody Auction House, fiance Law

Your alone when you met Law and Bepo he tests you and you pass becoming his girlfriend and part of the crew. There is a sex scene. Then Law takes you on a date on Sabaody later you all go to the auction house where you meet the other of the worst generation then escape from the marines.

(N) POV

"Hey there pretty thang come over here" a huge thug pirate says to you.

"What are you gonna buy me a drink?" You say snarkly.

"Not with that attitude, maybe if you came back with me to my inn. I'll let you have as much as you want" he says laughing to his other mates.

"Ya I dont think so bye" you wave as their all shocked with electricity and fall flat on their asses as you leave the bar bottle in hand. As you make your way to port you see a sub, polar bear in orange, and a guy wearing a yellow and black sweatshirt with a white and black hat. Feeling in a more friendly mood, not about to kill someone, you wave to them but they didnt see you. So you walk up to the deck.

"You look familiar but I just can't place it" you say as the man in black and yellow turns to you. Making eye contact some of your sparks fly up into the sky. He just looks shocked as he speaks

"Your (n) arnt you?" While you go

"Yea howd you know?" You ask quizzically wondering how the hell he knew who you were. He flashes a blue sphere around you all then pops a wanted poster into his hands as the blue sphere dissapears.

"See" he hands you your own wanted poster. 1,000,000,000 Wanted Dead or Alive (n) D. (LN). You look at it in shock.

"Wow I've never actually seen it before that's so cool!" You exclaim as the polar bear peeks over your shoulder.

"Wow that's alot of berries" the polar bear says which takes you aback.

"What you can talk?!" You squeal.

"Yes hello um" he looks at the poster again then says

"Hello (n) your sure worth a lot of berries" he says but your enamored with this gaint fluff ball.

"Must hug must hug!" You pounce on the polar bear hugging up and petting him making him blush under his fur.

"You are just the cutest thing ever!" You say giggling.

"Hey get off my mink go find your own"

"Well I would if I could I've been around the world all ready and haven't found no mink sir."

"By the way what are your names? I'm (n) but you allready knew that" handing back the wanted poster the blue sphere appears the wanted poster dissapears then the blue sphere dissapears again.

"I'm Trafalgar D Water Law, and this mink is Bepo" Law states blankly.

"You guys will do, let me join your crew!" You excitedly ask.

"No. Your too much trouble with your bounty being so high. I dont want any trouble" Law states coldly. You frown as he says that.

"First I have an incurable disease now I cant be apart of any crew cause their scared of me what's next? Maybe I should just kill myself!" You walk off the deck onto the pier and sit on the pier turned away from them. You hear then bickering between eachother. With a deep sigh you hear

"What kind of disease?"he asks

You turn and say

"Fibromyalgia or Fibro for short" as you stare at Law he comes over and stands next to you but a good distance enough away.

"And why should I let you join my crew?" He says coldly.

"Um because I'd be a great asset and I can blow an entire island off the map with my Goro Goro No Mi" you state happily wondering if youd get a crew.

"Tell you what if you can make it to my sub, without opening the door, and it being underwater I'll let you join my crew. Hell I'll even consider you my girlfriend" he sports with confidence.

"Okay challenge accepted!" You yell. As Law walks back onto the deck of his sub he yells for everyone to get inside as there about to submerge.

'Nows my chance to show him what I can do bet he wont be expecting this' you think to yourself as the sub allready went underwater.

"Oh shit quickly now" using observation haki you pin point the sub if you fuck this up you could end up in a wall.

-☆-

Laws POV

-☆-

"Look I dont want her to join my crew much less be my girlfriend. Her powers must only be linear. Theres no other devil fruit that can teleport Bepo so shes gone no-" you felt a tap on your shoulder from behind. Turning only to see

"(N)?! But how?!" Law shutters at the thought.

"I'm made of electricity I can teleport duh" (n) says nonchalantly.

-☆-

(N) POV

-☆-

"... I can teleport duh" you say nonchalantly.

"Theres only one thing though Captain" you say cutely.

"What's that?" Law asks shaken.

"Are you a man of your word?" You whisper in his ear causing him to shiver. Since his bounty is way lower than yours, he can be intimidated slightly.

"Yes I am a man of my word" he grumbles.

"Yay! But I'm not wearing that" you point to the boiler suit.

"Fine anything else I should know?" Law grumbles even more.

"We share a room ... boyfriend" you let the last word slip slowly through your tounge.

"What no way! I cant let a stranger I just met share my room like that!" Law yells pinching the bridge of his nose.

"But where is your girlfriend supposed to sleep?" You press further.

"Okay fine, only if itll get you to shutup!" Law snaps angrily.

"Ouu scary" you play with him. He turns to Bepo and says

"Not a single word of this to anyone. I'll make an announcement later" he says to the cute giggling Bepo.

"Yes Captain" and Bepo walks away down the hall.

"So going to give me the tour?" You say calmly.

"Fine come on since your all ready here" Law states annoyed.

"You should know I'll protect what I love, not saying I love you but I'll protect what's close to me" you say with calm (c) eyes. He turns his head then looks forward clearly thinking.

After a minute of walking

"This is my office through that door over in the back is my bedroom." Law says coldly.

"Dont you mean our bedroom Captain?" You say seductively as he gains a slight blush pulling his hat down slightly you could just tell though. He shakes his head as you both walk down the hall the other way to see a lunch room?

"This is the mess hall where you get food" then walking back and around to a place with lots of buttons.

"This is the control room I repeat do not under any circumstances press anything" he points directly at me.

"Why would I do that I'm silly, not stupid" you say crossing your arms.

"One more place come with me" Law says while walking down the hallway even further to a room with beds and electrical equipment.

"This is the med bay dont touch any-"

"Ya ya dont touch anything I got it boyfriend" you state trying to rile him up.

"And that right there has to stop no calling eachother boyfriend and girlfriend the crew must not know" Law states coldly. You reach up and pinch his cheek.

"Oh come now boyfriend surely you dont hate me that much" he slaps your hand away.

"You have to be insane" he states confused as to why his life is this way now.

"No I just like teasing you Trafalgar my sweet" you say sweetly.

"How did you know I wasnt going to rape you or chain you with sea prisim stone cuffs?" Law asks seriously. You look him in the eyes and say

"I know a good person when I see one Trafalgar Law. I've been around the world and back I have 1,000,000,000 berries on my head, and you think you know better than me?" You question which hes taken a back and thinks for a minute.

"You do have a point I suppose if you wanted us dead you would have done so allready" Law states. You just laugh

"Want you dead? I only just met you silly and as long as you stick to your side of the bed then will be fine" you say laughing with makes him blush slightly. You notice and say

"Oh? Is someone falling for me right away?"

"Oh shutup I am not" Law states.

-☆-

Four Years Later

-☆-

Having grown quite close to Law you finally gotten him to call you his girlfriend and you call him your boyfriend. Most if not all the crew knows but also know never to speak of it. You've had many battles with Law and you've had many night of cuddling with him as well. You became his medical assistant and fighter.

"Please oh please can we go to Sabaody Law? You never take me on any dates" You plead as your on the floor of his office head in his lap.

"Okay damn (n) well go to Sabaody I'm curious of something too"

"Hmm?" You pick yourself up go to your shared bedroom and fall on the bed.

"I need cuddles!" You yell as you hear him say

"Room Shambles, Shambles" then he reappeared in your shared room and slides into bed with you. Wrapping an arm behind your head holding you close.

"I told the crew to redirect the sub to Sabaody" you look up at his gorgeous grey eyes and say

"Thank you Trafalgar" as you kiss him on the lips he reciprocates kissing you back but deeper using his tounge to fight for dominance which he always wins. After some time you both break for air, panting you hug him close giving butterfly kisses to his neck causing him to shiver with pleasure.

"Remember how we first met?" You whisper as he nods slowly.

"You were that crazy girl who wanted desperately to be apart of a crew, so I took you in" Law says quietly.

"I think your forgetting the part where you wanted nothing to do with me love" you state quietly as well.

"Okay you wore me down then" he retorts. You giggle as he looks at you.

"You'll never admit it will you my dear boyfriend?" You coo to him as he nods then pulls you close hugging you from behind now.

"I'll admit your the best thing that's ever happened to me yes" he whispers in my ear causing me to shiver. Holding his hands in mine I decided to mess with him putting both his hands on my breasts. And hugging his hands. He exhales sharply into my ear.

"What feel somethin you like?" You tease as he grinds his bottom against you you feel something stiff.

"Oh so you wanna play with me?" You question knowing the answer. You flip around replacing his hands back on your breasts. Slowly getting undressed you undress him. Both blushing hot and ready. He takes a hand places it at your entrance to feel the wetness you have created making you wiggle with every stroke. You place a hand on his member and start to pump sensually with your thumb on his tip making him moan softly. As he inserts a finger into you your pump a little harder making you both moan in pleasure. He inserts two fingers when you've dilated causing you to moan out

"Trafalgar!" As you keep pumping he inserts a third finger as he embraces you in a kiss your tounges fight for dominance. Precum on your hand you knew he was ready.

"Oh (n) look your so wet do you want me that bad?" Law asks pulling his fingers out causing you to frown and cry out

"Please fuck me Trafalgar I cant wait anymore" you say as he bends his hand out to your mouth you open and tounge his finger with your wet on them until you suck it clean.

"Good girl now I will help you" Law states pulling his member from your hand he positions himself at your entrance and slowly going in making sure you adjust to his size. Moaning as he slowly fills you, him moaning as your entrance tightens around his cock then releases to move more inside. You both are loving this sensuality. Playing with his hair he shoves the rest of his length into you causing you to moan loudly. He leans down to your ear

"Shh sweetheart can't let them know what's happening now can we?" He coos into your ear.

"Oh.. right.." you managed to say before he starts pumping his member inside you first slowly then he picks up his pace. You tried desperately to snuffle your moans by biting your tounge but they slipped through as he thrusted harder and faster. You bit your hand to snuffle the noises but the bed was creaking more than you were moaning. He leans down still thrusting and kisses you to make your moans more silent. Tounges flicking back and forth. Hands in his hair tugging slightly. Breaking for air you semi yell

"I can't hold it I'm gonna cum Trafalgar"

"And here I thought with a bounty of one billion you would last longer" he says snarkly smirking wide.

"I can hold it dear" you say as he continues thrusting for what seems like an eternity. Your eyes gloss over as you start to drool a little as your snapped out of your trance.

"Im.. gonna.. cum.. (n) get ready" you hear Trafalgar say into your ear. You grinding against him and him thrusting inside you you both finally reach climax

"(N!)"

"Trafalgar!" Huffing and panting he stays deep inside of you, soaking it all in. Hes raised over you in a pushup position your hands playing with his hair.

"Wow Trafalgar your good" you say quietly in his ear.

"Well you are my first so I hope I did well for you" Law states huffing.

"You are always amazing sweetheart" you say sweetly to him and kiss his lips. After a minute he slides out of you slowly causing your whole body to tremble. He stands by the bed extending a hand to you.

"Come on let's get cleaned up (n)" you swing your legs off the bed and try to stand but your a bit wobbly. Law supports you until you can walk then you both head to the shower. Once in you close the sliding glass door and he turns on the water.

"Did I rip you? Are you hurt at all?" He asks concerned but you shake your head.

"Really dear I'm fine you were wow! Just wonderful" you say as you hug him close pierced breasts clinging onto his chest.

"It will be at least five days until we reach Sabaody love" Law states blankly as you nod soaping up and getting his back.

"Ah that feels good" he says almost moaning at the feeling but grunting instead. Once done cleaning up you both wash off then get out and dry off. You stealing his sweatshirt and sweatpants. Him dressing in his regular attire.

-☆-

Five days later

-☆-

Every night you had marvelous sex and then cuddles after cleaning up. Eventually you arrive at Sabaody with the whole crew excited.

"Bepo, Penguin, Sachi and (n) come with me" you exclaim for the crew to hear as some sad awees are passed around but they understand why. Law cant protect everyone if need be. After the chosen crew assembled on deck Law says

"Do what you want for a couple of hours I have business with (n)" as they all nod and walk in the direction of the theme park.

"Ah great..."Law states.

"What's wrong dear?" You say while squeezing his hand.

"Nothing let's go (n)" he says pulling you by your hand in the same direction. Your wearing a white short ruffled at the bottom dress with spaghetti straps and pearls hanging off the shoulders. With beige platform wedges. As you are being pulled by Law to the theme park he goes up and buys tickets for rides and gives them to you.

"Here choose a ride" Law sighs deeply knowing what you really want. With eyes sparkling you walk around holding his hand as you were about to walk up to a ride you bump into Sachi and Penguin, they look you both up and down seeing your holding hands.

"Ouu Captain is out on a date with (n)!" They exclaim.

"Shh! Dont tell anyone else or else" Law commands them they just nod.

"Yes Captain!" And run off to ride more rides.

"I want to ride the rollar coaster Law!" You point at a gaint rollar coaster in front of you while holding his hand gently yanking him forward.

"Finee" Law relents as you both wait in line then becoming next he admits

"I uh dont like rollar coasters (n)"

"Well too bad? It's all ready our turn get in" you say with the evil eye and push him into the seat as others sit in the rest of the cart.

"Are you ready?" You say as Law says

"No" "No -No!" As the rollar coaster swings downward Laws yells in fear as you yell

"Yesss!!!! Whoohoo!!" As the ride comes to a stop he realized he lost his hat on the ride.

"Room Shambles" poof his hat returns to his hand as he puts is back on. You pull Law to all of the exciting rides as he grumbles but agrees, then after you see the tea cup ride.

'This will be a good break' you think to yourself.

"Let's go over here!" You pull Law over to the tea cup ride and then get into a gaint teacup. Still holding one of his hands you spin the tea cup with one hand then see a familiar white and orange bear.

"Heyyy Captain! Heyy (n) Are you on a date?!" Bepo yells over to us twirling the cup.

"Yes-"

"No-"

Law and you say at the same time before he relents.

"Yes! Okay it's a date!" Law yells as the ride ends. Realizing he yelled out that last bit he gets off the ride and pulls his hat down hiding his embarrassment. Holding back onto his hand Bepo says

"Awee you both are so cute together. I'm so glad your taking time for yourselves"

"Awe thank you so much Bepo but I'm sure Law has had more than enough for today though" you say to Bepo.

"Dont tell anyone Bepo" Law says to Bepo. Waving goodbye to Bepo you take Law to the food stands getting corn dogs, and cotton candy. Him having to wipe off food off your cheeks, him blushing thinking hard about something it seems.

"Whatcha thinking bout handsome?" You question him.

"Hmm? Oh nothing" He says and looks away blushing squeezing your hand as you squeeze back. Smiling wide your fulfilled.

"Okay I'm done Trafalgar" saying to him. Surprised he nods and says

"All right theres one place I want to go so now you stay close to me okay?" Curious you agree

"Sure Law whatever you want" you say to him while he pulls you to the meeting spot for the gang to meet up. You break hands before the gang shows up. After a short time Sachi, Penguin, and Bepo show up.

"Ready everyone? Let's go" Law says cooly. As you all head to the auction house you find seats and sit down, Law next to you, arm behind you. While the rest of the gang sits behind you both. As the show begins you whisper to Law

"What is this?" He whispers back

"Its a human and creature auction house, shh dont draw attention to yourself (n)" you see celestial dragons sit down up front and see Captain Kidds crew on the right. After awhile of seeing lame devilfruit users, fish men, and humans. You see a gaint glass bowl with the figure of a mermaid under the light. Then suddenly other pirates come running into the auction house yelling something about the mermaid while other Pirates burst through the roof. Suddenly the short black haired man with the strawhat punches the celestial dragon straight in the face breaking his glass bowl on his head. As they go to the stage to recuse the mermaid. Then Laws crew and you walk out the front door along with Kidds crew and the Strawhats crew. Suddenly there are marines everywhere as all the Captains get in battle stance you just chill right behind Law not attracting attention to yourself. After the Captains start playing around with the marines, some spot you and tell their Captain from the marines. "Its (n) D. (LN) the 1,000,000,000 woman!" Some small marines say.

"Capture her at any cost!" Their Captain yells as marines run toward you all. The pirate Captains fight of marines as they all break apart. Law takes your hand and runs with his crew to the sub.

"Everyone grab on to (n)!" Law states

"Room Shambles" and you all appear by the sub and run on board and close the door.

"Room Shambles" Law dissapears.

'Hes probably telling the guys in the control room to submerge' you think as you walk to your shared bedroom and plop down on the bed. Looking at the bracelet that Law had won for you from a stall game. Its babyblue with pearls and shells on it.

"Shambles" Law appears in your shared bedroom.

"Are we okay?" You ask him.

"Yea were deep enough the cannon balls cant reach us now"Law says blankly. Law sighs then says to you

" I wanted to do this at the theme park but their were too many people.. please stand (n)" Law asks politely. You curious, stand in front of him.

"Yes??" You ask. Law gets down on one knee slides a little box out of his pocket and opens it up to you.

"(N) D. (LN)I know I've never said it but I'm ready now. I love you (n) Will you marry me?" He gulps.

'Wow hes putting his heart on his sleeve for me oh my gosh!' You think to yourself as you say

"I love you too! Of course I'll marry you Trafalgar!" You blush as he blushes deeper as he slides the ring on your finger.

"I've been thinking about it for a long time (n)" Law gently says to you as you nod. You hug him close as he wraps his arms around you.

"I never thought I'd find true love Trafalgar Law" you smile into the bottom of his neck.

"Well now your soon to be (n) D. Water Law. How do you feel about that?" He asks.

"I love it like I love you cutie" you say while nuzzling his neck. Kissing up and down his neck causing him to shiver.

"Let me get this beautiful dress off you now" Law smirks widely as he starts to undress you for another adventure safe deep under the sea.

#trafalgar law smut #trafalgar law #trafalgar d water law #law x reader #trafalgar law x reader #one piece x reader #one piece #law one piece #trafalgar law fluff #one piece law

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lucindaspartnerrealandtrue · 11 months

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Ok. Ok, so. Originally, I wanted to talk about my rewrite SKs, but this morning, I woke up with my mind at Gene. And not mys Gene. Mcd Gene. So ehm. I have a dilemma about smh that idk if I should add to my rewrite.

(If you don't want to read basically the recap scroll until you see pink)

ALSO PLEASE DONT GET THIS WRONG- THIS ISNT A SHIP POST- ITS PLATONIC-

Basically, my rewrite for mcd will be mcd intertwined with rebirth.

Sooo ye, Aph and Gene meet in Bright Port as she looks for that herb (moon flower???? I'm so sorry but the name escaped my mind at the moment.) for Brendan and Gene is trying to get to the werewolf tribe for the nether portal, I believe. And they meet. Aphmau goes face first into his chest(which tbh ouch, bcs. armour.) and he, very kindly, shoos her away because he doesn't have time for her bs.

She follows him around for a bit, yelling about needing help for her friend and how she needs that herb. He finally turns to face her, and oh. She's the same girl from Phoenix Drop. The one that Vylad was watching. The one with the weird markings. Now, that's interesting. Enough to make him go off the tracks with his mission. As they get into that little argument about her wanting to take the herb to Brendan but Gene not really wanting to give it to her, as its the only one that he has left. She offers to help him, blah blah then Aph promises him that she'll bring him to the werewolf tribe for this. But again, she wants to get the herb first and give it to Brendan but Gene doesn't trust her--- and Paul appears.

Tbh things go like in rebirth for most of the part, with some small changes that I won't mention in this post.

Now, things go off the rails after Aphmau goes to save the werewolf pup and the Lord of Bright Port. Because Gene follows along with. Not good intentions. Aphmau gets ambushed by Shadow Knights, at some point one of them coming forward to attack her(it was Gene) and she kind of hits him hard enough to let him a bit bruised. Which surprises him, as he, in the time he was with her, she seemed helpless, falling in holes. Tripping because of her own legs. And now she hits him so hard that he fell.

Whatever, she ends up fainting exactly when they get to the portal, and before Burt could do anything about it, Gene comes forward and gets her, all four of them leaving the nether. Now, Gene's alibi is that he """"went in after her"""""", which was also proved by the werewolves as they did see him go in later, after she went. So. Lovely.

Aphmau wakes up, the tribe is....low-key destroyed. And now she makes it her mission to find the ones who did this. Because she has a hero complex apparently.

Anyway, before she can do that she stays a bit there as she is kind of hurt. Because. Well. Ye. And Gene remains there. Because well. He kind of failed his mission, I mean, he did open the portal and all...but. eh. Idk, honestly this part is a bit blurry in my head too so like, I'll come back with a more clear reason, but he remained for some reason. With his mood more down than usual as he is going to die twice. They bring Burt to Bright Port and now there comes my dilemma.

I have a very rough idea in my head. These two going to an adventure of sorts for a few days, so they'll actually be low-key friends, so when Aph slowly starts relaizing that Dante's brother and 'her' Gene are the same, that the man who tortured Laurance is the same as the man who she befriended and who helped her. And it hurts. When they eventually meet in s3 it hurts. Ye. So originally it starts as a Aphmau trying to find the ones who destroyed the werewolf tribe and Gene follows along as a 'trying to stop her from doing that' and because he lowkey looked at it as a holiday of sorts before going back to O'Kasis to report. But it turns into a 'Aph exploring the world as she was technically born like 2 months ago'. And Gene being like 'girlie wdym you don't know what a bear is??? wdym you never saw a crow before??? WDYM YOU DONT KNOW WHAT *INSERT TYPE OF FOOD* IS?!?! aren't you like what- 19?-20???'

At some point Gene gets like scratched or smh and Aphmau decides to like. Help him and by exercising her magic by healing him. And he freaks out because why tf is trying to touch his face randomly. He doesn't like it. And than she of course, gets her way and does manage to heal him and he freaks out even more because she starts shining for fucks sake.

They don't talk about how he freaked out.

At some point they spare together and she wins. Not all rounds, but she does. And that also freaks him out.

The ending of this adventure is either like. Gene stealing finding a boat and bringing her to Phoenix Drop himself.

Or perhaps ending up in Meteli and having even more ginger haired Laurance content....? And Eventually they bid their goodbyes there, and Laurance brings her to Phoenix Drop.

Btw everyone in Phoenix Drop freaked out this whole time. Especially Garroth as he also knew that Paul left her with random man. Ik, Lovely. Why didn't he do smh about it? Paul tries his best to keep him calm because Aphmau can handle herself.

Feel free to ask questions ^^

(I'll come back to edit my mistakes later btw)

#aphmau #aphblr #minecraft diaries #aphverse #mcd #aphmau mcd #gene mcd #shadow knights #andi's mcd rewrite🏴#andi's random rants #garroth ro'meave #laurance zvahl #(they were mentioned + burt & the werewolf tibe)#minecraft diaries rewrite #aphmau minecraft diaries #minecraft diaries rebirth

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essentiallykpopandbl · 2 years

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Well we have arrived at the end. And man did it hurt in so many ways. I dont blame the people who was scared of this ending unhappy. I had thought about not writing this post because I don't really know where to start. But I use this site to write down my feelings, and I have so many after this episode that I need to write it all out. As I said, I don't really know where to begin but here I go I guess.

I feel like I have changed after watching this show. There are some shows that just make me question life, humanity, and people in general. Not necessarily bad questions, just questions. The last show that I felt this way was DNA Says Love You (at least I am pretty sure that was the last one). There are times when certain characters will stick with me long after the show is over. For DNA it was Amber. For 180 degrees, it is Wang. Wang is and will always be the perfect example of a young adult. When we first meet him, he is very lost. Both physically in the woods, but also in his life. The death of his father, the controlling nature of his mother, and his sexuality, has caused him to feel very alone in this world. But beautiful Wang is a fighter. He is curious and demands answers. He wants the world around him to be better, more accepting, and more fair. Does that make him naive? Unwilling to compromise? Maybe.... but he comes from a place where he and his feelings are always pushed to the side. He is ignored and told to fit into a nice little box that others want him in. And through the course of this show and his time with In, we see Wang learn that he needs to fight for his own beliefs and feelings sometimes. That it is not wrong to ask questions, to love, to explore what makes us human. And it is not wrong to have desires and wants. Wang had to learn that while those desires ultimately led to the event that killed his father, he is better off feeling then hiding it away. Wang realized his father can live on in him, as long as he is true to himself. And that is what will carry Wang forward. He was brave enough to fight for who he loves. Strong enough to stand up for what he wants. Willing to speak the truth into existence, even if it will hurt him in the end. Wang deserves better. A better mother, a better life, and for sure a better version of In. But Wang knows he is moving on as a better person. He is healing and ready to continue the fight. I am grateful that I spent the past 8 weeks watching this man show the world (or the smaller group of us who watched this show) what true strength and bravery is.

What is so impressive about the arc Wang goes through, is the complete lack of growth we see from In. In started and ended this show as the same scared broken coward. And I am trying very hard to have some compassion for him. At his core, what In is most afraid of is romantic love from the same gender. He had no problem when Mol and Siam loved him as friends. But then Siam said the word love and it changed everything. In folded in on himself, hiding from the truth, running to escape the words that had been spoken into the air. And it was that cowardice that eventually caused Siam to break as well. And In has lived in the prison he built for himself ever since. And now we have Wang who was brave enough to speak those words into existence again, and In is hiding again. The fight these two had in the bedroom was one of the best displays of acting, and also one of the most heartbreaking scenes to watch. At one point Wang is pleading In to speak the truth back to him. And as Wang is growing more frustrated and emotional, In tells Wang not to yell and Wang yells back about how no one can hear them, they are in the middle of nowhere. And it was in this moment that I think both Wang, and myself, saw how this would end. The problem is not other people, the problem is In. He will never accept himself, ever. And Wang gives it one more try to force In to tell him he loves him but no matter how hateful Wang's words get, no matter how he says it, In will never fight for him. Wang then let's it all out, every last feeling he has bottled up inside of him. And it was harsh, mean, and he said some nasty things. He said the exact thing that In has always felt worst for, that he caused Siam's death. And In is fully broken because of it. Wang sees this shell of a man that he loves and while it breaks his heart, he decides he must leave In. Wang will heal from his broken heart, he will live a wonderful life, and In will stay locked away in his prison, forever hiding from the one person who saw his rock bottom, knows the truth, and found a way to love him anyway.

Oh yeah, and Mol is manipulative, Wang goes out of his way to make her feel better, and he loves her unconditionally. Which is the same as where we started.

I am struggling with my feelings on the ending. On one hand, this is deep down where I thought we were heading. From the beginning, this show has placed Wang and In at very opposing ideologies. It's showed us how much room Wang has to grow and how stuck In was. It goes back to the boundaries they didn't agree on earlier. Wang is willing to push past the boundaries, explore the unknown, find happiness in new places. In wants to stay where it is safe with no venturing into the unknown. And Wang tried to pull him out of the safe zone, but it was the unstoppable force against the immovable object. They collided, it was ugly, and now Wang is on a different path, with nothing blocking his way. On the other hand, that truth hurts. I wanted In to give Wang the happiness he deserves. I wanted smiling as they curl into bed together and comfort knowing they were moving on together. I wanted Wang to bring In to Siam's grave and allow for the closure that only In can ask of Siam. But instead In came into Wang's life for a brief period of time, to teach him something. To aid Wang on his journey. And I will be happy with the thought that somewhere Wang is out in the world, finding happiness and fighting for a world that is better than the one he was given.

#180 degree longitude passes through us

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0l1zv34n-l1v13xy · 6 months

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My HEADCANONs and Theories of Gangle's Backstory from Tadc

GANGLE - ever since she was a child, she's always neglected and being told to shut up Because she was never learned how to control her emotions because her parents neglected her ALOT, mostly because they were working for her ballet teacher, which Therye trying to force her to be a ballerina for the parents to be proud even tho GANGLE didn't want to ballet, ballet hurts so much meanwhile she dont know how to control herself so she just cries ALOT, her parents abused her to stop like 'this is what u get for being such a Bother..' like that, so she always flinch whenever someone raise their hand or voice because she thinks she's being mad at or being hit or yelled, she has eating disorder and PTSD because of her parents who wants her to be like a skinny ballet

Ever Since She got in the show, she was like pomni at first because she worries if she would never meet her parents again even tho shes and adult and have her own life but her parents still controls it around their finger, but since shes in the show for few days, she started to slow not trying to escape because she feels like she wasnt pressured and nobody was really very bad as her parents, even tho she gets teased by Jax, she does cry cuz of it but At least she has a better life now, she doesn't wanna escape much for now, that's why she was mostly and likely Caine's favourite because Caine can see that she's confident and comfortable in his world because Caine never have a third friend who would like to be in his realm world,

But she was still sensitive but at least Ragatha is there for her, Zooble would hang out with her,(MY AU THAT JAX WOULD ALSO BE NICE TO HER WHENEVER THE OTHERS AREN'T WATCHING),so she loves being The child in the show, she still have Trauma but at least it wasn't THAT bad anymore.

(IM RESPECTING GANGLE YALL, I AIN'T GIVING HER TRAUMA...

nah I'm kidding, so anywhizzles)

For some reason, maybe...she was acting that she's fine and comfortable but in reality, she's panicking, whenever she's wearing her comedy mask, she has another self of her who's in the Sad mask who was having a panic attack because she can't even make a solution or a plan on how to get out, she's still scared, she's confused because she doesn't like her IRL life but she's Scared of her TADC life because she doesn't wanna live in that way she just wants to live happily and normally, ..she would help Jax to Find a way how to escape because Just the two of them who always don't sleep and wake up every night to find keys or clues on how to find an exit, Jax was first, GANGLE sees him so she just wanna go along and talk to him because she wants to spend time with Jax Bec she sees her like an older brother even tho he always teases her but yknow, he was the most sane person she ever meets, meanwhile Jax also be nice to her because he's always tired so he feels numb and can't control his Emotions, he might have panic attacks or cry or scream or get irritated only st night cuz he feels numb but they both comfort each other if GANGLE or Jax is feeling upset.

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maxwellohwell · 1 year

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Just a lil ramble vent

No one warns you about how brutal the transition from sheltered teenager to functioning adult is. All I've ever wanted was freedom, I love it. I was born an observer, its just in my nature. I love existing with the environment around me. I love walking in the rain, watching houses and cars and trees and boats and signs out from the window of a bus or a train, my favourite colours are pink or sunshine yellow but I always cave for a spooky grey/blue/purple colour scheme, my favourite food has always been spaghetti bolognese or pancakes, and the only times I remember that I am not a disembodied voice is when I look at myself in the mirror and dont identify with the body that I am in because I see myself as more of a concept then a human being. I've always been the secondary character in the stories of the people around me who always had something going on. In those stories I was the love interest who was too busy staring out the window to notice anything around them, I was the creepy mean "goth" that was added into the series to say weird stuff for laughs and to spite the protagonists, I was the best friend with bad advice, I was the child who was never allowed to grow up bc that meant her mother was growing old. Freedom feels like the morning sun beaming onto your face through fluffy white clouds or a day full of peaceful rain, and for me the only time I feel the warm rays of hope and tranquility is when chasing it hasn't been beaten out of me with the worried words of my overly paranoid mother or the judgemental looks of the people who can read the script.

So over the past weeks I've been moving out. I turned 18 half a year ago and my life has been slowly sinking like a ship for a while now. My mother is getting evicted and so I finally get to jump ship. Not exactly the "running away to the sunny city without telling anybody, going to the gym dressed as barbie while drinking a strawberry mango smoothie and getting money for writing emails in an office cubical" escape plan, but falling in love (i think, I dont entirely know if I even know what romantic attraction feels like) despite the fact that I live for being entirely alone and moving in with him works ig. But I've found myself in this weird tug-a-war while Im stuck between the two places, where I feel the beginnings of the freedom I've been wanting while Im away but then I need to go back to roleplaying an 8 yr old to survive. My mental health decreases while Im in that environment where I cant make my own choices, but I re-enter the adult world every few days and I feel paralyzed by the fear that Im going to break an unspoken rule and get yelled at for existing without supervision. Becoming an adult is very much just learning that its okay to exist and then teaching urself all the stuff you know that you dont know that you should know but you weren't taught bc growing up is illegal.

My entire life so far has been me waiting for this moment and I feel like Im wasting it by having these cognitive behavioural issues even though developing those wasn't at all my fault. One of my most vivid memories from highschool was walking with the vice principal while I was on my way to class. We happened to be going in the same direction and she started talking about how much she missed being young and free and how I should "treasure my teenage years while I still have them", and I remember that so clearly because of how little sense it made to me. My teenage years had no walks in the rain because "what if your kidnapped", my teenage years had no car rides because we were poor, my teenage years had no train rides because I had no where to go, my teenage years had no pink because I had to be the scary mean "goth" girl because no one messes with you if ur scary enough, my teenage years had no pancakes or spaghetti because I wasnt allowed to use the stovetop. How am I supposed to appreciate that? As an adult, you are in control. You shouldn't take your eyes off the road while you're driving. In my adult life I am happy. Everyday I wake up at 6am-8am, make my bed and watch youtube while I eat my pancakes, brush my teeth, go walk on the beach if I feel up to it, then I either go to the job that I love bc I chose it or play video games, do some chores, then I watch youtube with my boyfriend until I fall asleep. I do not want to leave that.

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unreone · 8 months

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Did anyone else read this HTF fanfic?

Somewhen ranging from 2011 to 2016, I lurk at fanfiction.net to read fake htf episodes.

One fic I'm longing to read again is "HTF Death Battles".The concept of the entire fic is that it's a death battle between unlikely pairs. You think you would know who would win but it's not gonna turn out the way it is.

Chapters i remember are the following:

● The Mole vs Splendid

Superpowers against technique. (The Batman vs Superman of the htfverse-) Splendid have gone rouge and become power hungry. The government didn't anticipate this. Coming out of the retirement is The Mole tasked with apprehending the once beloved superhero. I remember reading the author's notes how this was blossomed from the fact that both Splendid and The Mole have their own KaPOW episodes. I don't really remember much from this chapter since the focus is on the brutal action between the clashing figures. My bias at the time made me root for Splendid despite The Mole being put in the good side <<< this behavior may have some links to me liking The BOYS series (ㅎㄷㅎ)

● Russell vs Buddhist Monkey

I remember crying to this one, my fave chapter out of all.

Russell is depicted as a ruthless captain who once travel the sea with a crew. When he arrive at the town/village where Buddhist Monkey lives, he was all by his lonesome. 'He did what he have to do to survive'. His goal is to pillage the place with all of its treasure and satiate his craving for blood. Buddhist Monkey tried to settle everything with peace at first but after harming someone in front of his eyes, he just have to do something.

I remember myself just imagining the Russell by the end of 'Get Whale Soon' with his manic eyes and laughter. Also like playing "Enter the Garden" on low volume while reading the battle sequence to really set the mood.

Russell was distracted by a specific type of flower that his lover once wore and that moment of hesitation is what caused his demise as Buddhist Monkey end his life for good. "How could he have turned out like this?" Exploring the ship, Buddhist Monkey found the travel logs and read the tragedy that is the life of Russell. Russell's corpse was buried with the flower next to it. His name and his lover's name was engraved with the words below saying "May these souls truly found peace."

● Sniffles vs Cro-Marmot

Sniffles is funded by the goverment to accomplish a scientific breakthrough in relation to cryogenics. Sniffles and Flaky is a couple here but theyre on the brink of a breakup since Sniffles is so obsessed with his project, which is thawing out Cro Marmot. There's a line something like "Since you pay attention to him that much, why dont you marry it already".

Anyway- he was alone in his lab and did sum thingy majigs and successfully thawed out the upper half of Cro Marmot. He actually speak English and that startles Sniffles. Cro Marmot explained that he's been on display for museums all throughout the world.

Cro Marmot talks about learning all there is to know about history and science. He is willing to share the most important truth to Sniffles once he is completely free. The fucking dumbass did so and the foken monster laugh.

The truth is that all knowledge is useless and satisfying primal urges is the only important thing. And his primary instinct right then and there is to satiate his hunger.

With his club, he smashed the machinery and that causes the lights to turn out. I cant remember the next stuffs but it's just a matter of Sniffles using his tools and wit to escape and Cro Marmot using violence and strength.

Their conversation includes something like You're no different than me. You feed your hunger for knowledge too and the strongest ones conquer everything alone.

Eventually, even if he is covered by bruises, Sniffles manage to trap Cro Marmot. Sum chemical combo activated and it's some type of coolant so he started to freeze. Cro Marmot was freezed while he is yelling, baring a very spooky expression.

After panting a bit, Sniffles called Flaky. He was compelled to share what he just experience but he suppressed his ramblings and choose to apologize. The two reconnect and the fic was over

===============================

Unless I was just hallucinating everything and I'm actually staring at an unplugged computer the whole time-

I'm really REALLY sure this fic existed because I was always hyped talking about the chapters with my classmates. I may have got some specific details wrong but I am nodding my dino head off from the general concept being right.

Here's to me hoping somebody else here have read it, better yet, archived/know the link of the fic in some way, shape or form.

Thanks for your timeeeee!!!!!

#lost media #???#htf fanfic #fanfiction.net #unreone ramblings #htf splendid #htf the mole #htf russell #kaPOW buddhist monkey #htf sniffles #hff cro-marmot #htf

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bi-curious--george · 9 months

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An Open Letter To Taylor Swift

I feel silly even writing this. That being said.. what's it going to hurt? I know you have a tendancy to read things and lurking in places nobody would expect. And personally, I don't think you'll ever actually read this, but I have always wanted to tell you what a fan I am, and I figure after this many years, it may be time. I talked myself out of writing this, thinking nobody's going to read it, and that may be true, but, one time when i was drunk, I wrote president obama about how unjust the system was and rambled about domestic violence and he wrote me back a very personal letter and if that can happen because of my words, why not try to see if you read this and I can ramble about what an impact you made in my life. And what a hypocrite i would be if i would sit every day telling people how important their stories are, but think that mine isnt important. I don't need a response, and don't believe I will ever get one.. But it would mean the world to me if you knew how much you saved me as a kid. To give you some context, I am a therapist now, but I have been a fan of yours since before your first album ever came out. And I really believe that your album was a huge reason I got through my shitty childhood to be here today. I would love to tell you a funny little glimpse of how I'm stumbled upon you.

So i grew up just dirt poor. And i had a really, really traumatic childhood (and adulthood, but thats a different letter, to, Obama apparently) and i remember so vividly how i became a fan of yours. So. I was trying to take a bath. And i loved baths - this was my escape from my awful childhood right? and i used to play the radio while i did and I'd crank the music. And we lived in the middle of nowhere with no actual television reception so my parents had to pay for satellite TV. So i did have that going for me. So i turn on the satellite radio on my parents tv all the way up, go draw my bath down the hall, and i get in the tub and get in, and i heard your music for the first time. I wish I could remember the first song, but i dont (I am betting Tim McGraw, but i dont recall precisely). What i do remember is me running down the hall in a towel, basically tripping over myself soaking wet, literally dripping, yelling " DON'T CHANGE IT I NEED TO FIND OUT WHO IT IS". And you or maybe the dj? announced your first album coming out, and i instantly knew what i was going to ask for for Christmas.

I didnt think i was going to get it. I actually rarely got what i wanted for gifts, They normally shopped at the dollar store. Around Christmas time, i showed them your CD and begged and begged for it. I still didn't think id get it. I have vague memories of showing them the CD of yours in a Kmart and very dramatically saying " this one! " So They couldn't claim they didn't know which one it was when Christmas time rolled around.

The suspense is killing you, im sure. So I'll get to it, but, I did get your cd for Christmas. And then from that point on, every time I got screamed at, every time I was hurt, or I didn't feel heard, i could at least escape. It was a peace offering of sorts in my mind, i think. My favorite song was probably "Tied Together With A Smile".

Life got a little hard after that, I'd become a single mom at 19 and my relationships were, well, complicated, and your music just became more and more relatable. And I just was able to pour myself more and more into your music. I've always just been so thankful for your music to be there. I found a partner and I love him, and somehow your music is still relatable.

I've appreciated that your music has been there the whole time. The staying power it had in my life, from teens to 30s, I think is what made it so impactful. Your music was the soundtrack of my life while ive been learning how to reclaim my life as my own - and seemingly watching you do the same.

I always wished I could have seen you in concert. But money got tight, then stayed tight. I settled for what i could- scream singing in the car and shower.

I went to grad school, had some more kids, and I became a therapist and my parents disowned me which was a wild ride. I tried so hard to get tickets to see you this time, I didn't think I would care that much, I even anticipated it not going in my favor as I was grown now and i can handle not getting to go to a concert if they ran out of tickets.

I will admit, this Ticketmaster fiasco felt so unfair. I had worked for so long and so hard to get to a place where i could finally see you in person. I had been a fan since before your first album. Life had screwed me over so many times in so many ways, but it felt like i made it through it - and now i could support myself and spend my own money and be a part of this eras tour - see all the eras i couldn't see when i was hiding from the abusive relationships or couldn't afford the albums and had to repeat them on YouTube to memorize them. I was crushed after 8+ hours of waiting to still not get tickets.

I'm betting not hearing you in person probably hurt more at the time because I found you when I lived with my parents and since I had been disowned semi recently by my parents and you had been such an integral part in my healing it became this awful metaphor for me not being able to move forward. "I'm 32, I went to grad school, i still can't buy a house for my family, my car is going to die and I can't replace it (at the time), I'm stuck at a job that doesn't appreciate me, I can't even see the one concert I wanted, where did I fuck up so bad?" and like it was an awful loop of me messing up somewhere along the line.. and I cried probably every day from the day of Ticketmaster failure until the second day of Minneapolis, and even sometimes now even thinking about losing the chance. Ticketmaster had other ideas for me i guess. And that's not on you, that's just a me thing. And that's for my new therapist to unpack, 😂

I still try to watch the lives on tiktok so I can try to be a part of What is likely our generations Woodstock. You are doing amazing things, and I hope that you and your family and friends are endlessly proud of you.

Regardless, thank you for being a part of my journey, I'm so glad you were there. And if you ever tour again, which I hope you do, I'll see you there.

I wrote this whole thing out on 8/1, I was going to print it out and mail it as I had heard that's the best avenue.. then I never got around to it as I felt silly. It's now 8/3, the day that more dates were announced (I knew it! I knew Canada would get some dates!) Unfortunately Minnesota did not get more dates but I'm going to register for Indianapolis on 11/2- it's worth a shot. 🤞. I slept on it, and said to myself, Let's put it on Tumblr and let the universe decide if you should see it.

#taylor swift #taylornation #taylurking #the eras tour #speak now taylor’s version #personal #folklore #swifties #ts eras tour #speak now #long live #journal

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adarkermiserablecrow · 10 months

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I finally watched 6x11, 'In another life' and boy did some writer put their whole pussy into this one.

And I have Thoughts about this which I am gonna share with the class, because I have been crying/yelling at my tv/hysterically laughing for 45 minutes now, and if my neighbours are going to hate me, the least I can do is hop on here and be annoying.

It got really long and ramble-y so I'll put it under a cut.

1. Coma Buckley family: I think it's really interesting that, in the beginning, it's implied that the buckley parents dote on evan to daniel's detriment (''oh i didnt know you remembered he had a brother") but not neglecting him like they neglected Buck irl. Daniel seems well-adjusted, implied to be a caring doctor ("maybe you should listen to your patients") but also a bit aloof, oblivious (not noticing anything weird about doug - a bit more on that later). It does seem like a picture perfect family, on its surface, with bickering siblings and family dinners, but it sets up a very important theme that runs throughout the episode: this dream life, buck being a teacher and on good terms with his parents and having his brother be alive, comes at the expense of his ability to help. First and foremost, his ability to help his sister escape, offer safe haven, because in this reality he never left PA. And later on in the episode, people insist that he has the ability to fix anything in the coma, but that was disproved at the very beginning when he tried to help maddie and failed, and failed to get daniel to help. From the get go, we see that even in here, not everything is fixable, and we're told this later on as well, when bobby says 'you cant bring me back to life in this dream'. The point here is that at the beginning we're dealing with buck who wants the happy family he never knew as a child, the neglected kid who wishes his parents would be the kind of people that they were in the dream, happy and involved in his life. But at the end, having been through the rest of the dream, it's his parents in their new shiny caring version that try to hold him back, it's his parents dragging him down. But, this is his subconscious, so in reality, it's that wish of having a happy family and the resentment towars his parents that is dragging him down, and he recognises that, and he forgives them, because thats the only way he can move on, return to life. Many people complain about the parents' redemption, and maybe ill change my mind when i watch the rest of the season, but I dont think it was a redemption for them. It was all on buck, he forgave them, he chose to move past it, and let them into his life. In the end, back in the real world, his parents still don't really listen to him, when he says his apartment is fine, he does not need a couch. Buck tells maddie he doesn't mind them. That doesnt mean they're meant to have changed, Buck is the one who changed. And, the choice to go hard on the father/son dynamic with bobby, and buck telling daniel his family is different out there, adds a layer: he doesn't really view them as his parents anymore. He doesn't get hung up on it now, but he lets go of the idea that they would ever be the doting family he needed as a child, and recognises that he found that family elsewhere. He accepts them as people in his life, and rejects them as parents. It ties into Chimney's storyline with his own father, how Chim and Buck both move toward forgiveness, and it also ties back to the sperm donor storyline and the argument between chim and buck's fathers. The point of the buckleys' 'redemption' is that buck forgives, even if he does not forget.

2. Buck's other fixes: it has been established that this all happens in buck's subconscious. The way he slowly realises the impact his life has had on others is just... The starting point is maddie and yeah I said that already, but then he finds chim and hen pretty much the same, and he assumes the only person he's ever helped is maddie. But then he finds out about bobby and eddie, and it occurs to him for the first time ever that he helped them too, got them out of a tough spot. It's not a sure thing that things would have turned out that way in buck's absence, but the point here is for him to realise that he helped, he was needed. It's particularly strong with Bobby, who appears like a little psychopathic gremlin in the dream, drinking here and there and guzzling down pills, and essentially tells buck that, in the dream, he can fix almost anything. And it all snowballs into buck realising he helped bobby, essentially by annoying him. And it's so important that at the end of the 'i made you mad and i made you laugh sometimes' speech, bobby calls that 'being buck', because it's essentially saying that buck helped bobby just by being himself. Again, this is the way buck's mind conjures it up, but it's no less important that he comes to the conclusion that being himself was enough. That he doesn't need to be someone else to help the people he loves (and to me that sentiment calls back to s4, him climbing that crane to protect everyone, and bobby saying that's who he is - not a compliment).

3. Eddie. This part may be the buddie shipper in me getting high on copium, but I think eddie's absolute absence from the dream was connected to him never stepping foot in buck's room irl, except to bring in chris. I mean, in the coma buck was with chim, irl chim is by his bedside. Coma, he's talking with bobby, irl bobby has busted out the rosary beads. It wasnt a hard rule as far as I can tell, though we know buck had some awareness of the room and the goings on, he could hear them (thats why i think the copium might play a part in this paragraph). But also, it feels so important that the people who tell buck explicitly to come back and get better are essentially proxys. Athena on behalf of bobby and Chris on behalf of eddie. And, in the coma, Eddie does not physically appear, but he is the first flash of irl buck remembers (not chim, but eddie's 'go get em') and also, of course, the last 'fix' of buck's, bringing the total of people he helped in a big way to three: maddie, bobby, and eddie. Doesnt really tell us anything about buddie, but it does reinforce the strong relationship between the characters, platonic or not. (Also, eddie 'pain is weakness' diaz crying even a single tear in public feels like a Big Thing).

4. Daniel. Honestly? The chase in the end of the episode and the subsequent argument between buck and daniel (who, yes, is also buck, but ill keep calling daniel to avoid confusion) might be one of my favourite scenes in the entire show. Maybe one of my favourite scenes in any tv show ive watched. First off, that part of buck represents essentially every self worth issue he has. It's the part of him that is the most broken, tells him he isn't needed, isn't wanted, he's spare parts that turned out defective (a sentiment buck has expressed out loud in s4 and it was the 118 reassuring him he is much more than spare parts). And all of this stems from buck's childhood, so it makes sense that it took on the appearance of daniel, since daniel was the source of it all, through no fault of his own, even long before buck knew of his existence. It's daniel's death that brings on the grief that swallows the buckleys and leads to buck's childhood being the way it was. Things would have been different had daniel survived, or so buck believes. Beyond that, daniel's ignorance of maddie's situation reflects on buck blaming himself for not seeing that his sister was suffering (which buck even says out loud in the kitchen scene in this episode). And, when the switch flips, daniel becomes buck, the part of buck that is broken and hateful not to others but to himself, buck borrows a lesson from bobby and manages to break free of his own low self worth. I dont think thats the end of that, but buck's jourmey this episode was all about realising that he is needed, so he could look in the mirror in this scene and say no, you're wrong, they don't want me gone, they care about me. And, as someone who deeply relates to having that voice in your head, and to buck in general, it's so powerful to see a character manage to overcome that. It's so powerful to see buck, textbook people pleaser that he is, realise that he's talking to himself and say 'oh you're me. I dont have to feel bad about not listening to you', and use the first real artifact of firefighting we've seen in the coma dream to break free and return to his life, his real family. And, oliver stark's acting in this scene, whew - buck being confused and emotional but still relentless in pursuing his goal, and the other buck being cold and cruel and also relentless in his insistence that he is just not worth it, not needed. Just - chef's kiss. I cant really explain how much that scene spoke to me, because it is tangled up in how much I relate to buck as a character, and thats a whole other can of worms.

5. Random things. I appreciated that the traumatic events that happened to buck over the course of the show were at least acknowledged. Given that most of the other characters (barring chim, I think) have had storylines about dealing with trauma, it's a bit glaring that buck never really did. Sadly, I think it's too late for that now, aside from if they do something with the lightning going forward. But I am glad they were mentioned, because the man went through a bombing and a tsunami within six months of each other, and it was never really talked about. The bombing led into the lawsuit plot and then was resolved, and the tsunami trauma storyline was about chris (not complaining, it's just how it was). I do wish those traumas had been explored, but I really do think we're past that point and am happy we're at least acknowledging them. (Also, the implication that the tsunami left him so deeply traumatised that it's present in his parents' coma house, supposedly a safe haven from everything real, as a ferris wheel that 'doesnt fit with anything' because trauma stands out in your mind, im-).

Another thing is the lighting, the cold, grey hues of the real hospital, versus warm colour in the coma dream which gradually gets colder the closer buck gets to waking up, and the return of warm lighting in the end, when buck wakes up in the hospital and his family is there to see him. Also, people irl dressed in drab, muted colours, vs. the characters in the dream being more vibrant, esp buck in that green sweater which btw was a gold star choice from the costume department.

Basically everyone put their whole pussy into this, from the writers to the crew to the actors, and while it's not the only time this has happened, I'm really glad it did.

The end. Pretty much. Ive probably managed to forget some things, and maybe I was Captain Obvious abour others, and wrong about some, but this episode made it right to the top of my list of favourites right away, and it'll probably keep me up tonight lmao. Thanks for coming to my TED talk, hope it made sense.

#this episode wrecked me in the best way tbh #911 fox #fox 911 #evan buckley #911 #911 season six #911 season six spoilers #911 s6 spoilers #911 6x11 #evan buck buckley #buck 911

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warriorsofsplatsville · 2 years

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“W-Why are there Salmonids here?! Don’t they usually swim in their own zone?!” Sandy exclaimed, clutching her Ranged Blaster.

“Whatever the reason, they don’t seem very friendly...” Yolk gulped.

“They’re invading Inkopolis.” Minu stated. “It’s an act of revenge. They’re here to attack US.”

“Minu, how do you know th-” Plat was cut off by Minu holding her hand up and covering his mouth.

“Just trust me on this, okay? I know.” she gave him a serious stare. “I know this is scary, but at this moment, the only thing we can do is fight them off and escape as fast as we can before we’re swarmed.”

“If that’s what it takes, then fight it is!” Shore readied his Nozzlenose.

“I....” Mirage hesistated. They knew that it was life or death but...thinking about Buddy...what would it do if it knew they attacked its own kind?

“Mirage.” Sea Salt said, snapping them out of their trance. “Focus. Focus on surviving.”

Mirage shook their head. Right. When they were little, they always kept a promise to themself, a promise made after that tragic day...

To survive, no matter what.

“Thanks, I needed that. Let’s go.” Mirage nodded.

The eight start to shoot the ground and at Salmonids. First things first, make sure that they dont lose anymore room than they already have.

Minu and Shore activated their Crab Tanks, and worked together to push the Salmonids back into the water. Yolk launched Autobombs, and that inspired everyone else to do the same. “Don’t forget about your subs!”

“Sea Salt, behind you!” Mirage aimed and perfectly sniped a Cohock coming up from behind.

“Thanks.” Sea Salt nodded, and swiped his Stamper at incoming Salmonids.

“Be careful of the Boss Salmonids!” Sandy yelled as she shot a Stinger with her blaster, immediately knocking it down from its tower of pans.

Aris noticed a helicopter zooming in. A fish inside waved their fin at the group. “We’re here to rescue you kiddos!”

The helicopter had to dodge another Stinger’s attack. “Ack, we can’t get any closer! Is there anyway you guys can get on?!”

Just then, Sea Salt’s special gauge filled up. “I can use Zipcaster to get us up there. I can probably only grab one person at a time, though.”

“Got it. We need to be extra careful then.” Minu nodded.

“Me first!!” Sandy shrieked, running straight into Sea Salt. He huffed as he activated the special, and grabbed onto Sandy as he zoomed up to the helicopter.

As he was busy getting everyone on one by one, Mirage felt the ground rumble as a huge Salmonid jumped toward them. Their eyes widen as they look at...

“SURFACE DWELLERS!! YOU WON’T BE GETTING AWAY FROM ME!!” he roared.

“WHO IS THAT?!?!?!?!?!” Plat tripped backwards and stared at the Salmonid before everyone.

“My name is King Salomon.” he boomed. “Your kind have invaded my homeland countless times and taken our young from us. Now it’s our time to take everything from YOU!”

Mirage bit their lip. “Guys, go and get ready to be taken to the helicopter. I’ll try to hold him off!” Mirage waved their arm as a gesture to get away.

As more and more teammates were zipped away from the stage, Mirage struggled to hold off Salmonids and Boss Salmonids that grew in number. They fell over when the King came over and towered over them. But before he could strike them, he froze.

“Wh...why did you stop attacking...?”

“Y-you....you look just like...!!”

Mirage launched Toxic Mist toward him and scrambled away. Coughing away the mist, Salomon chased after them. “No, wait! Please! Come back!!”

Mirage stumbled back on their feet, shaking as they tried to draw their bow. “B-back off!”

“Kid, listen to me. I...I think I know you.”

“What...?”

“I think you’re m-”

Just as Salomon was speaking, Sea Salt zipped over and grabbed Mirage. “Let’s go!”

“W-wai-” Mirage held out their arm toward Salomon as they were taken to the helicopter.

“NO!” Salomon cried, arm outstretched as well.

Mirage’s gaze blurred out as the copter began to fly higher and away from Wahoo World, leaving the king behind. Like they were so close to a revelation, but was ripped away.

Why did he look and sound so familiar?

#//ic #//mirage #//sandy #//plat #//minu #//sea salt #//yolk #//shore #//salomon #//story #//aris

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preshtagonist · 5 days

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Marble hornets!stuck thoughts bc its that time of night again and talking into the void of shit nobody cares abt is my thing and bc this has been brewing in my head for half a year now i think? Some of these are disconnected thoughts and concepts that dont work together

their session is a horribly glitched out seemingly void session where the white queen and black queen were not separate entities (may also include black king and white king idk!) (this is the operator)

This entity is also their first guardian. Lord english esque in how it perpetuates its own creation (yknow how arasol found the code for sgrub. I think it does smth similar w tapes or some other method. Arg to find your sburb disc loser) and in how it seems almost to have always been present in the life of tim (you know) and alex (birthday video)

Possibility: Alex discovered the sburb code or whatever the mechanism was and tried to hide it thinking it would prevent the apocalypse from happening. It doesnt and never would have. Jay finds them i think (maybe for a while alex blames jay for the apocalypse bc he couldnt keep his goddamn nose out of it)

as an amalgam of four game constructs (WQ BQ BK WK) it is considered the exile of the main four (alex, brian, tim, and jay) and indirectly fucks them via “commands” on the computer terminal. Tims pills run interference for whatever reason.

Brian (as hoodie) eventually gains access to his terminal and occasionally through “hacking”, the terminals of the other four guys. TTA brainblasts you w audio visual hallucinations sometimes

Jessica, seth, amy, and sarah have “normal” exiles. Thank god

Heres a fucked up thought: tim and alex have opposing views on initiating the scratch. Who is on what side probably requires a more nuanced understanding of their characters than what i have but heres an attempt to pick a side for each and figure out reasoning:

So first of all neither character has a perfect understanding of what the scratch truly is or how it works. They do not have a doc scratch or trolls to yell at them for universe cancer so there is no real way for them to have a full picture of the implications of doing this.

alex is actually for NOT initiating the scratchz his reaction to finding out they “caused” the end of the world (or more accurately were harbingers of that end) is “we all deserve to die.”, heavily rooted in christian/cartholic (i am tired sorry for conflating the two) guilt for what i hope are Obvious Reasons and the whole “you need to kill everyone and then yourself” thing. Additionally does not believe the scratch will destroy the operator (he is right) so trapping it in this dead universe is the best they can do in his eyes (he can not actually hope to trap it). Sees them all as infected by it but ESPECIALLY Tim as “the source” (why? I dont know. I think it favored him as a doom player. Tim being a doom player also makes him the most literally representation of everything alex hates and resents about the situation).

Tim is for initiating the scratch. He believes that the scratch will wipe out the operator for good (it wont). I had mlre thoughts on this but i got sjdetracked sorry

Jessica survives the scratch somehow

Maybe she is hidden away by tim before the scratch starts, maybe he even is able to hide with her from it? Would imply tim knows the scratch is surviveable and thus the operator could escape from it but would also reflect how his self preservation kind of outweighs any desire to be a martyr unlike alex. Tim Will Survive a la final girl? I had better ways of expressing this thought but i lost it. If you look at this and say “you dont know what youre talking about” you are so correct

Either way, due to tims planning or a glitch in their already buggy session, she falls through the fabric of spacetime and into the new universe but loses all her memories/has a fuzzy recollection.

If tim does survive this could explain how she is able to be situated in a universe where she should not exist (he got everything arranged the way sburb guardians (non first ones) would)

This is how marble hornets comic happens and that cast would get involved

Have you considered skully sprite for your troubles. Yes? Okay i dont have a more developed thought than that i spedread the comics from excitement and did. Not internalize the meaningful stuff bc im small brained

….i just rmbrd the ^2sprites and. Thinking sbt that in relation to skullysprite is… yeah id be wanting to fix the broken too if i was an amalgam of several dead bodies shoved into a sprite in this timeline (maybe)

Obviously real skuly is more than that but i dont fully understand them so. Ack

Anyway this sessions FOR SURE players are jessica, taylor, adam (who i ALWAYS tag as seth bc i dont have a BRAIN) and david (and skully! In a way)

Adam kills david during the session. I know it in my heart. Bastard >:(

I cant think of anything else good night

#mhstuck #pstrlg

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kalforhelp · 9 months

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i think i just need to vent out into the world for a minute so feel free to ignore this (also im sorry but there will be mny typos, im rly bad at typing on mobile and i dont have the energy to go back and fix every single one rn)

im just... so tired of my emotons getting the best of me

as a kid, i was the "quiet child", the "good kid," the one that teachers loved and parents used as an example for every other kid out there

i never burst out in tears,i never had a fit i never had a tantrum, i never caused problems, never screamed, never hit anyone, never never never

i didnt express my emotions like that

eventually, what was most likely a trauma response/learned behavior turned into the expectation. so, as i grew up, i felt like i couldnt express myself. i couldnt be loud. i couldnt be anything than the quiet little angel everyone expected of me.

in my later teen years, tbis caught up to me. my emotions buult up and had no where to go. i was a balloon ready to pop

i kept forcing emotions so deep within me that i convinced myself they werent there

around this time was when i was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

every once in a while, this build up gets to be too much and all i want to do is s c r e a m. i want to yell at pwople. i want to get mad, get angry, say and do hurtful things. i never do. i always feel shame before i can even think about releasimg my emotions the way i want to.

this is a good thing and a bad thing. obviously i dont really want to hurt or scare anyone. but i never learned any healthy ways to release this pure anger that threatens to blow up and hurt me and everyone in range.

it juat keeps buulding up.

i dont know what to do

i had a thwrapist once. he was a great guy and pr9bably very good at his job, i had nothing against him. he just didnt know how to help me the way i needed to be helped

i cant express how im feeling because i dont know what my own feelings are

ive been shoving them away for too long theyve become unrecognizable

my emotions have become a demon in my head, a being made of shifting darkness woth no shape. this demon is locked in a tiny box in my head, and by god is it hungry and desperate to escape.

im not asking for sympathy, im not looking for advice. i think this, this is enough to feed the beast for today, to calm it down. i guess writing and talking about it really is its own form of release.

if u actually read this far, im so sorry, that got a lot deeper and darker than i had intended

#venting #depression #mental illness #i think i might draw something about this #im not much of an artist but eh #uhh should i put any TWs?#so yeah pls dont repress ur emotions its not healthy #go scream in the woods if you have to #dont be like me

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castiels-pizza-man · 10 months

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twenty seven names for tears

TWENTY SEVEN NAMES FOR TEARS

To be a girl is to think of White oleander seeds Deep in the bowels of your body As if your blood is poisoned Even before you're born It is knowing that they might kill you Before you ve had your first breath But it doesnt matter anyway Your past lives have ended Burning at the stake The funeral pyre is your home Nails bleeding and muddy From all the lives you had to tear open To be a girl is to be a museum A museum where dead things live A life of their own Death of dreams and destiny To be born is to understand The world works differently for you Sons dont claw their way Out of their mother's womb But daughters, they're born from violence And when you've spent a decade here You begin to see them stare Every movement of your limbs A spectacle Their eyes wander all over your body As if it is not yours to own It is a sculpture on a pedestal And if they want, they'll cut you down Your sister in arms hold no grudge against you But they do hold a secret If they see you they must want you And for them attention is love It is love they say When their stares burn holes in our skin It is love they say When we try to turn invisible To escape their gaze Because their eyes are always hungry For flesh and bones to be exposed And all they want is to touch And to corrupt The sweet innocence of beauty For them the world is a mirror Created in their image And how dare it reflect a face That is not theirs to own So they hold you down By your throat Forcing you to watch as the take What was never meant to be taken And you remember those oleander seeds You swallowed long ago And it demands blood So you give it your own And when you go back home Your father says not to speak For their names hold power too So they shall never be revealed And you realize woman's first blood Never comes from between her legs It drips from her mouth When she bites her tongue for too long And a man would stand on the national T.V. A decorated mouthpiece A mic in place As if his voice would go unheard And he says "What were you wearing?" "Didn't you ask for it?" "Don't act like you didnt enjoy it" And the burqa and the saree Will stand out in disagreement Because they know it wasn't your fault The burqa yells and shows its bloodstains "They slaughtered what I had inside Its dead its gone Oblivion isnt enjoyment" The saree holds her back Wraping the wounds, it knows The words will only fall on deaf ears But there is someone else in the room Who doesn't know how to speak yet The diaper sits in the corner thinking "Atleast you could stand on your feet" And while a glimpse of the smooth curve of our shoulder Is enough to bring down nations to their feet I'll still tell my daughters When the men come, run There is no point in knowing Twenty seven names for tears Ye sirf kahani nahi Ye aapki or meri ladai hai Ye sirf kahani nahi Ye ladai hai insaaf ki

#hyper feminine #feminism #free verse #poem on tumblr

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heavenlyhischier · 3 years

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only when you're high - rafe cameron

word count: 4.3k

summary: Rafe only ever talks to you when he's high, and you've eventually had enough.

warnings: angst i guess, language, mentions of drugs and alcohol, lil makeout sesh at the end

note: ik this isn't the request but i've been working on this for a while so here ya go <3 this is def not my best writing so dont judge it too harshly

3:53 a.m.

You had been dreaming about your cat taking over a world full of people with fish heads when the incessant ringing from your phone jolted you awake. You blindly flung your hand onto the nightstand, knocking over a half empty water bottle and a bottle of ibuprofen before your fingers grazed the cool screen. You picked up the device, nearly blinding yourself when you opened your eyes to see who was calling you at such an ungodly hour. Once your eyes adjusted to the screen’s brightness, the name ‘Stupid Kook’ was displayed across the top. You hesitantly swiped to answer.

“What in the flying fuck do you want,” You whisper yelled, propping your half-conscious body up with your elbow.

“Hey, baby,” He greeted, his voice dragging as if he was thinking too hard about his words. “Just wanted to hear your voice.”

You stopped breathing for a moment, not sure what you were supposed to say to his weird revelation. You had been having a weird thing with Rafe for a few months now. After many drinks, you would often finding yourself making out with him in a secluded area. Despite your random make out sessions, he had never once called you to simply hear your voice. In fact, he hadn’t even called you before. It was usually always a quick ‘wyd’ text at midnight and nothing more.

“That’s weird, you’ve never called me before,” You pointed out, “You’ve also never called me baby before, so what’s that about?”

“Mm, I don’t know. Always wanted to call you that before so why not? What are you up to, baby,” He asked, his words slurring together in a way that could only happen while under the influence.

“You’re high aren’t you,” You sighed. Of course, he was high. You should have known that from the get-go. Rafe Cameron wouldn’t have called you sober; he never even looked at you sober.

A brief silence hung over the line, Rafe’s heavy breathing being the only thing coming through the receiver. “Maybe a little. Had a rough day, so I went to see Barry and now I’m at Topper’s. Talking to you.”

You couldn’t help but let a small smile grace your features; a smile that was gone almost as soon as it came. You let your elbow fall from its position, your head falling back onto the pillow that was still warm from when you were asleep. “How sweet of you. What are you doing, anyways? Shouldn’t you be getting shitfaced and taking some innocent girl to bed?”

He let out an airy laugh before speaking. “The only one I’d like to take to bed is you, and we somehow always stop before it gets to that point. Anyways, it’s just me, Topper, and Kelce, and I started thinking about us in the back of my truck when we were outside. Before I knew what I was doing, you answered the phone.”

Your cheeks flared red as images of Rafe’s hands exploring your body flashed through your mind, the feeling of his ring on your skin igniting something inside of you. His mouth latching onto the sensitive spots of your neck as your moans filled his truck. You let your fingers ghost over your lips as if you could still feel his own on yours. More memories of him exploring your body in every way but the way you wanted him most were running through your mind. Every time you wanted to give in to him, give in to your urges, but you couldn’t.

“You know, I’ve never wanted someone as much as I want you and I hate it,” He started, his words still slow, “I hate it because you’ll never let me have you.”

“Rafe,” You groaned, running a hand over your tired face, “I don’t really feel like giving myself to someone who only talks to me when they’re drunk or high. Someone who would rather be caught dead than with a pouge.”

“You know it’s not like that, baby. It’s complicated,” He tried, and you could tell there was a hint of unfamiliar panic in his voice.

“It always is. Guess I’ll see or talk to you next time you get fucked up. Goodnight Rafe,” You whispered before hanging up on the boy, ignoring his desperate protests.

1:38 a.m.

You turned the shower water off before stepping out onto the cool tiled floor, water dripping from every part of your body. You chose to ignore the buzzing coming from your phone, moving to grab the towel hung on the back of your bathroom door. However, the buzzing started again as you were drying off your legs.

“Who the fuck,” You groaned as you wrapped the towel around your still wet body. ‘Stupid Kook’ was making a second appearance, much to your surprise. “Yes, Rafe?”

“What’s up your ass,” He laughed his infectious laugh. You could picture him throwing his head back and his glazed over eyes twinkling with amusement, something you had only seen when you found yourself admiring him from afar.

“Nothings up my ass. Just don’t know what your high ass wants this time.” You gripped your phone in your hand and started to walk back towards your room. Your parents had fallen asleep hours ago, so you had to make sure you were quiet. However, that deemed difficult in the darkest hours of the night in your already poorly lit house. You bumped your hip and stubbed your toe on just about anything that was out in the open. Once you were in your room, you hastily shut the door and flipped the light switch on.

“Hello! Hello! Hello! Where are you,” Rafe yelled, making you wince and pull the phone away from your ear.

“Jesus, dude. Calm down, I was walking back to my room,” You chastised, doing your best to hold your phone in between your ear and shoulder.

“What were you doing? I missed you,” He pouted.

You ignored the swelling you got in your heart and said, “I was leaving the bathroom. I just finished showering. What are you doing?”

You grabbed a clean pair of underwear and a shirt you had taken from JJ after you had thrown up over whatever you were wearing that night. Rafe began telling you what he was doing, which was quite literally nothing. However, he quickly dove into a spout of how you were naked and wet and how badly he wanted to see you without any clothes on. Your cheeks were burning as he went on and on about all of the sinful things he wanted to do to you. You let him ramble on a bit more as you turned the light off once you were clothed and ready for bed.

“Okay, that’s enough, Rafe,” You stopped him, pulling your blanket back so you could crawl in bed. “So, calling me two times within a week? You falling in love with me?”

It was so painfully obvious that it was a joke, but you could practically feel the tension radiating through your phone from Rafe’s end. His abrupt silence concerned you because this boy was far from silent when he was doped out.

“Maybe I am,” He finally got out, and you couldn’t detect any sarcasm in it.

“Sure you are,” You rolled your eyes, blaming exhaustion for briefly clouding your judgment, “If you were in love with me, you’d actually talk to me when you aren’t too fucked to remember your own name.”

You started picking at a loose thread on your blanket as you let your mind wander to what life would be life if you had an actual relationship with Rafe. Going to parties with him. Hanging around the Island Club with him and his friends. Him doing lines off your body before having his way with you.

“I will talk to you when I’m not high,” His voice broke you from your thoughts, “If that’s what you really want.”

“I do,” You said way too quickly, “I mean, yeah sure. That would be nice, I guess.”

“Just text me and I’ll answer.” You couldn’t stifle the yawn that escaped your lips, but you did try and hide it from Rafe. Your attempt was no good, though. “You’re tired, go to bed.”

“No, I’m fi-.”

“Goodnight, Y/N,” Rafe shouted over you, “Talk to you soon, baby.”

Rafe’s name popped up on your phone screen every few days after he had gotten drunk out of his mind or too high to do anything other than find your contact. You didn’t mind it at first, but after you had texted him during the day and those messages went unanswered, you grew hurt and annoyed. You had tried asking him why he wouldn’t respond, but he always found a way to change the subject. You wanted to ask him about it in person, but you hadn’t seen him in almost a month. You wanted to ask him why he couldn’t bother to pick up the phone when he was sober, but wasted no time in calling you as soon as he got his bump in.

One of the nights he called, you offered to have him come over because your parents were gone, but he said no. Made up some excuse about how he was staying with Topper for a while since Sarah cheated on him and he wanted to be there for his friend. You understood that, so you didn’t push him after that. Then, the next time you told him about a party everyone was going to and how you wanted to see him there. You even told him to bring the other two. That time he told you he was staying away from parties for a while, wanting to stay to himself for the most part due to the constant stress from his dad. You knew how Ward could be sometimes, so it wasn’t hard to believe him and move on from there.

You wanted to be mad to him for only acknowledging you when he was high, but you couldn’t be. You’ve always wanted to feel wanted by somebody, and he made you feel like that albeit only when he was far gone from reality. You could deal with it as long as you got to talk to him, no matter how insecure it made you. Well, you thought you could.

2:25

Your parents were gone for the night, so you opted to watch Marvel movies in the living room. You were so invested in watching Iron Man and shoving popcorn in your mouth that you didn’t feel your phone go off the first six times. Or the fifteen times after that. Not that you would have cared either way. You knew the only person it could be was the boy who never wanted you sober. The credits began rolling across the TV, so you finally decided to pick up your discarded phone. You were shocked to see Rafe had called you eight times and texted you thirteen. Overall, his texts said the same thing.

Why aren’t u answering me :(

Call me pls

I wanna talk to you baby

It was if he knew you were finally looking at your phone because his contact popped up not ten seconds later. You rolled your eyes, but reluctantly answered.

“Y/N! Where have you been,” He whined into the receiver, “I’ve been trying to call you for like two hours.”

“Watching movies,” Your words were sharp and short, not particularly wanting to talk to him right now. You’ve nearly reached your breaking point with him.

Rafe could immediately tell something was off with you by the way you sounded. “What’s wrong, baby? Are you okay?”

You took a deep breath in, setting your bowl of popcorn on the coffee table after you paused the end credit scene. You leaned forwards and planted your elbow on your knee as you held your head in annoyance.

“I’m fine, Rafe. I’m just getting fed up with you only wanting to talk to me when you’re high or drunk,” You started, “I used to be fine with it because it once every couple of weeks, but now it’s almost every day and it’s annoying. You told me to text you when you’re sober, and I did, but you never responded. I try and offer to come over to you or have you come to me, but you always have an excuse. I know you want to be there for Topper and you don’t really want to be around anyone right now, but that doesn’t mean I have to put up with it.”

“Y/N, I know, and I’m sorry. It’s just-It’s complicated. Please understand that,” He was practically begging you to listen to him.

“Rafey, are you coming back to play beer pong with us,” A female voice suddenly cut through the sudden sound of music.

Your breathing stopped and your heart felt like it was being squeezed by Rafe’s own hand. A wave of heartbreak crashed over your entire body. “‘I just don’t want to be around anyone’ huh? Thought you were just spending time with Topper for a while? You know, if you didn’t want to see me, all you had to do was say so,” You whimpered, hurt now mixing with your anger and annoyance.

“No, wait,” He tried, yelling at whoever came in the room to get out, “Y/N, please. It isn’t lik-“

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence. It is like that, Rafe. It is exactly like that. You don’t want to see me, and that is fine. I get it. Why would you ever want to be seen with someone from the Cut? It doesn’t matter, though. Don’t call me anymore. You lied to me. That is not something that I can forgive,” Your tears were too strong to hold back now, “I don’t care for liars, Rafe Cameron, and you’re the biggest one of all.”

You quickly hung up and turned off your phone, throwing it towards the end of the couch so you weren’t tempted to grab it. You grabbed the large blanket from the back of the couch, picked another movie, and let your tears fall as it played in front of you.

“Honey,” Your moms gentle voice broke through, “You fell asleep on the couch.”

You slowly opened your eyes, letting them adjust to the bright light shining through the giant window. The headache hit you like a ton of brinks, causing you to squeeze your eyes shut in pain. Your mom was hovering over you, her hand on your shoulder and her soft eyes pretending to not notice how puffy your cheeks and red your eyes are.

“I guess so,” You mumbled, pushing yourself up into a sitting position, “I’ll go lay down in my room. I’m still tired.”

She gave you an understanding nod with a caring smile and helped you off the couch. Her hand lingered on your back as if she wanted to say something to you, but she decided to leave it alone for now. You would talk to her when you were ready, if you ever were. You gave her a thumbs up when she told you her and your father would be out again most of the day.

Your feet dragged as you stumbled back to your room, using the wall to keep you steady. You pushed the door open with your foot and gave your cat, who was laying on your bed as if she owned it, a stupid smile. You fell onto the bed and pulled her onto your chest as you turned your phone back on. You were scared to confront the actions from last night, but knowing Rafe, he probably wouldn’t have bothered to even send you a text about it. You were quickly proven wrong the moment your phone turned back on. The vibration from all of the texts, voicemails, and snapchats felt like it lasted for five straight minutes. Nearly all were from the boy you wanted nothing to do with. Although, you noticed a voicemail from Topper, who you forgot even had your number.

Um, hey its Topper. Look dude, I don’t know what happened, but Rafe is freaking out like a bitch right now. He keeps mumbling shit about how he fucked things up with, which I didn’t even know you two were a thing but whatever I don’t really care. He kicked everyone out of my house and has been calling and texting you for like thirty minutes straight now so please call him back, so he shuts the fuck up. If not for him, do it for my sanity before I kill him. Uh, yeah, thanks, bye.

You sighed deeply after the voicemail cut off, your heart rate increasing at the thought of Rafe being upset. If he was bad enough that Topper of all people called you, you knew it was bad. You wanted to not care because of how he made you feel, but you did. You’ve always cared about the blond boy more than you cared to admit. You finally decided to look at the messages he sent you.

Y/N pls call me back

I’m sorry its not what it looks like and I know that sounds stupid but its true

Pls talk to me. I need u to talk to me

I promise that I never wanted to hurt u ok???

I love you, Y/N. Please call me or I’m coming to your house tomorrow.

The world stopped spinning when you read the last message. You kept reading it over and over again as if you misread it the first time. Rafe had never been any kind of affectionate with you until he called you baby. Rafe Cameron was not someone known to get emotional, so you weren’t sure if you believed his words. He was a liar and would do anything to get what he wanted, so what was different now?

You heard a knock on the door followed by your moms muffled voice, but you were too focused on the situation in front of you to notice who it was. Your eyes were glued to the screen, staring at the three words you never thought anyone other than your family and friends would say to you. The world around you was fading away, your heart feeling as if it was going to beat out of your chest as tears slid down your still puffy cheeks. You weren’t going to let him do this to you. You weren’t going to let him toy with you anymore.

“Y/N,” A deep voice dragged you out of your subconscious.

Your eyes darted over to the door and saw the last person you wanted to see. Rafe was standing there, his eyes wide and blood shot and he looked like total shit. His hair was a wild mess, nothing like its usual tamed state. You met his gaze and you wished you hadn’t. One look from him and you were puddy in his hands. One look and every thought you had about never seeing him again flew out the window.

“Hey, can we talk,” He mumbled, his bright blue eyes looking everywhere but at you. “Please.”

Not trusting your words, you gave him a swift nod and gestured to the spot next to you on your bed. You leaned to the side and placed your cat on the ground, watching as she rubbed herself all over Rafe’s leg before scampering away. His walk to your bed was painfully slow, and you wanted to tell him to hurry up, but you knew that was unreasonable.

“What do you want, Rafe,” Your voice was harsh, trying to ignore the urge to reach out to him. “What do you want to talk about? How you only use me for your own pleasure? How you only ever even look at me when you’re drunk or high? How you lied to me? Wanna talk about that?”

Your anger surprised even yourself. One second you wanted to hold him in your arms and comfort him, but then the memory of how he treated you came back and flipped a switch in your brain. You don’t know how you feel and you hate it.

“I deserve every bit of your anger,” He breathed out, letting his hand fall dangerously close to your own, “But please let me explain everything to you, okay?”

“Fine,” You gave in, “Talk.”

“Yeah, thank you, okay. I really do want to talk to you when I’m not absolutely fucked, I do. I know that it doesn’t seem like that, but its true. I just, I can’t. Every time I look at you, think about you, I hear my dads voice screaming at me that I will never be good enough for anyone. I have this thought drilled into my head every day that no matter what I do, who I am, I am just never enough. To me, you’re no exception to that. In fact, you remind me even more. Wait no.”

Rafe rubbed both of his hands over his face and tugged at his hair, afraid that he’s already fucking this up. “Rafe,” You gently spoke up, turning to grab his hands from his face. “It’s fine. Keep going.”

His eyes met yours and you could see how strained he was. There were too many emotions swirling in his eyes for you to pinpoint exactly what he was feeling. “Okay, um, okay. To me, you are way too good for me, so the only time I feel comfortable talking to you is when I’m high. I’ve never had trouble talking to any girl before, but you’re more than that to me. You’re more than just some girl to me and it scares me, so I feel like I have to be, yanno, not me. When I talk to you. I want to be with you more than I have ever wanted to be with someone in my life”

Your hand was still holding his as you let his words sink in. Him revealing how his dad truly made him feel made your heart ache for him. It made you want to grab him by the face and tell him how he is more than good enough. You wanted to let him in, but you weren’t sure if you were ready for the risk that came along with it. You’re not sure if you want all the things that came with being with Rafe Cameron. He’s followed by hurt and lies, and you do feel guilty thinking that, but it’s been proven true countless times.

“Rafe, listen to me,” You began, moving so you were straddling him and holding his face in your hands. His hands immediately came to grip your hips, and you are well aware that this was a more than compromising situation. “I understand that your father is probably the worst person we both know, but that doesn’t excuse you lying to me. I don’t know if I can trust you, no matter how much I may want to.”

You watched as tears gather in his eyes, and he was doing his best to keep them at bay. He had never felt the way he feels about you before, and he’s more than aware that his reputation precedes him. He knows that he’s done nothing more than prove how untrusting he is to you, but he wouldn’t let that stop him from trying to prove to you that he means what he’s saying.

“I know that nothing I say will fix what I’ve already done. I know that, but I can show you just how much you mean to me, if you’ll let me. We can go at your pace. Do things your way. Just, please, give me another chance to prove myself to you.”

You’re searching for any detection of a lie in his eyes, in his voice, but you come up empty. You wipe away the stray tears that broke through his wall of protection. You hesitantly placed your forehead on his, and you could hear him take in a sharp breath at the connection. Your eyes fluttered closed, your nose brushing against his as you weighed all of your options.

“Did you mean what you to me? In your last text,” You whispered, too scared to open your eyes and look at him. “Do you actually love me?”

“More than you know,” His breath was hot against your chin, and he pulled you closer into him.

You decided to take a leap, dive into something that scared you more than anything. Your lips finally met his, and Rafe wasted no time in returning the feeling. Your hands fell from his cheeks and clasped each other behind his neck, while his hands stayed placed on your hips, too scared to push you too far. You deepened the passion filled kiss by pulling him closer to you and running your tongue across his bottom lip. Rafe’s lips moved in such a sensual way that you almost didn’t know how to react. It was much different from the lust filled kisses you’ve shared in the past. You started moving your hips on top of him, an action that had him gripping your hips tighter than before.

Y/N,” Rafe breathed out after he broke away from you, “If you don’t stop, I don’t know if I can control myself.”

“Then don’t.”

i have not edited this so if you see a mistake lmk. love u

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron imagine #drew starkey #drew starkey imagine #obx #obx imagine #outer banks #outer banks imagine

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