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adultingautistic · 4 years

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Heyyy! So, when I was a kid, I was able to do a lot of things - I was on the gifted list for english lessons and in a seperate class, I was p decent at math, and science was easy peasy. Now, I'm much older and heading into higher education,, but It seems my needs have changed. My sensory issues are a lot worse, but the thing that strikes me the most is how my needs for support have changed. I now need help reading questions so I don't miss out on important information, and I need extra- (1/2)

(2/2) time to process things in order to be able to answer things or give a coherent reply. Bombarding me with questions verbally causes me to go nonverbal. I have meltdowns a LOT. Is this a common occurance in autistic people? When I was small I didn't show as many traits, but as the world has changed around me, I've begun to show more traits, and been in need of far more support. Should I be worried? Does this happen a lot? How can I deal with it? Thank you for your time. -🦈

Ask Date: September 10th

Hi, are you me? Did I secretly write this ask?

Because you are describing my life exactly.

I was also very bright in gradeschool/highschool and flew through the lessons with one eye closed because they were so easy for me. Forget needing extra help, I was giving it! I tutored a whole bunch of my friends and helped other countless kids understand the assignments.

Then my first year of college, I failed out. My grades for my first semester in college were F, D, F, I, and P. (Fail, Fail, Incomplete, and “Pass” which is code for “your grade was extremely low”). Basically, you can’t do worse.

Now I was also going through some incredible emotional trauma at the time involving my family that I won’t go into here...but had I been in high school at the time, I know my grades wouldn’t have suffered as much as they did.

So what happened?

This is only a theory, because I can only base this on my own experience as an autistic student. But I think what happened was it was too much change, too fast, with a sudden lack of support that was once there.

So here’s the thing. Autistics struggle in huge ways to learn social rules. This makes it really hard for us to make friends, gets us bullied, gets us called “weird”, etc. We need things explicitly spelled out for us, we need to be told what the rules are But school, as it is for a kid, is the MOST structured environment most of us will ever be in (the only thing I can think of that’s even more structured than school is the military). And this enables autistics to thrive!

School is all about routine! It’s about doing the same things and going the same places every day. The rules are explicitly explained, and they are clear, and we can understand them and follow them! Raise your hand if you want to speak! Don’t talk during a test! These rules are concrete and we can understand them, and follow them.

So then you spend 12 years learning the ins and outs of “School social”. By the time you get to the end of high school, you’ve got it down. You’ve spent your whole life at this and you’re pretty good at it. You know what to expect, you know what to do.

And then it’s gone.

Boom. Nothing.

College is nothing like grade school was. Your day isn’t pre-determined for you by others, you determine your schedule. If you forget a homework, no teacher is going to remind you the next day or ask you again. You just get a 0, nobody says anything, and life goes on. If you missed how the professor was informing students of what the assignments were, then well- you just don’t know what they are. Nobody’s going to check up on you. Nobody’s going to care that you’re failing. The professor is not there to support you.

In fact, you suddenly have NO support, at ALL. It’s hard to see when you’re IN gradeschool how much support you’re really getting, but it’s a lot. Teachers guide you. They explain things many times. They bug you when you forgot an assignment. They let you complete things late. There is so much help that you’re used to, and it’s enough support that you’re able to actually use your brain for what it’s supposed to be used for - learning.

When I first got to college, I had a bunch of zeros for my grades, and I didn’t even know where they came from. Apparently, the professors had been giving out assignments- but I missed that social cue, and I was unaware there were assignments. And it was different in every class. Some of them just quietly wrote it on the board, never said a word, and dear God you hoped you noticed it. Some of them just sent an email. If you didn’t know to read your email, welp. Some of them just handed out the syllabus with due dates and that was that.

It was impossible for me. My communication struggles suddenly hit me head-on like a brick to the face.

On top of that, the precious, precious routine from grade school was gone. Suddenly I was supposed to plan my day, and decide what to do with my time- when I had spent exactly 0 minutes learning how to do that or building those kinds of skills in gradeschool.

This was beyond stressful. And what happens when I’m stressed? My ability to handle sensory input crashes. Normally, I can handle a Bad Input or two for awhile, but if I’m already stressed, I can’t handle anything. So that yucky smell coming from that person next to you? What was before a little annoying is now “I have to leave the room” levels of intolerable.

Forget trying to be social, or to communicate. You mentioned being asked questions as sending you into near overload territory to the point that you go nonverbal- and this can absolutely happen if you’re stressed.

Autistics struggle hugely with change. Change is very, very difficult for us. And going from high school to college is one of the biggest changes there is in a person’s life. It’s a huge thing to handle. It’s going to cause stress. Which is going to lower your ability to process verbal questions, and all other sensory input.

So basically, yes, this is absolutely normal for an autistic person who is facing such a huge change. When we are stressed, all our autistic traits “show more”. That’s because we have less energy to mask. We can’t compensate.

But what you are doing is exactly the right thing. You’re using the supports that are given to you, and bravo to you for doing that! Rather than needlessly struggling, you’re making use of the accommodations that are available, so that you can still succeed! This is wonderful, and excellent self-care.

It took you 12 years to learn how to do grade school correctly. Learning how to do college is much harder and a huge change from that. It’s like you’re starting the game over from level 1- all the skills, items, and experience you earned is gone, because it’s a totally new level and the rules are so very different.

You do not have to be worried about yourself. It’s not really you that has changed, it’s your environment. The support system of routine, familiarity, and consistency that you had relied on for all your life are now gone, which is making your autistic traits “show” more, but they were always there. You were just compensating for them without realizing it.

Now you’re realizing you’re compensating for them, by using accommodations, but that’s okay. That’s exactly what you SHOULD be doing. The point isn’t what accommodations you needed- the point is to get the degree. And once you get it, it will be just as valid and count for just as much as anyone else’s, and you will have earned it, and you deserve it.

You’re doing amazing and I’m super proud of you. Keep going!

#actuallyautistic #actually autistic #college #university #change #routine #support #accommodations #ask

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pilyarquitect · 4 years

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War for Genius - 29 - Feelings collapsing

Hello everyone! Here I bring you the new chapter!! I’m sorry this one comes a little late, but it’s finally here! Well, this chapter has some angst moments – as you’ll see – but, also, it has a wonderful surprise at the end that I hope it’ll like you all. Also, this chapter introduces properly my little OC. He doesn’t appear really much, but yeah! He’ll have his moments in this story.

As always, I’d like to thank Empro-8 for helping me editing this story. Honestly, without her help this wouldn’t be as good as it is, so thank you very much Empro-8 you’re amazing!

Welp, I’ll stop talking and let you read the chapter, enjoy it! 😉

*********************************************

When he opened his eyes, everything around him was dark. Why was it so dark? Slowly, he picked himself up from the hard surface he was lying on.

Wait-

Hard Surface? Hadn’t he been lying on a bed? What was going on? Fear for not knowing urged him to quickly stand up, and in doing so, he heard with horror the sound of metal against metal.

No, no, no!

This couldn’t be happening! His eyes slowly grew accustomed to the darkness, and as he did… he recognized the place, the walls… the floor… the door… was… was he locked up again? H-how was it possible? If… if they had rescued him… they had taken him out of that horrible place!

In deep fear, he looked down at his wrists, and saw… saw the cuffs there. His body began to tremble with deep horror. Why was he there?

Huey closed his eyes and put her hands to her head. This made no sense!

"It's not real... this isn't real... it's a dream, it has to be!"

Snuggling into a ball, the boy began rocking back and forth trying to calm himself down… a totally useless move. But he at least had to try. At the same time as he said to himself:

"I’m dreaming… I’ll wake up in the hospital… with Fenton by my side,"

Huey could hear the clinking of the chains by the movement he was making. He couldn't bear it… it made him sick to hear the metal links colliding between them. They were a constant reminder that he couldn't get out… couldn't take off those chains and escape… he was… a prisoner…

The older triplet opened his eyes and looked toward the door when he heard the sound of a key being inserted into a lock. The duckling then felt his trembling worsen. Wh-who was going to appear on the other side?

The door opened, allowing light to enter the room. Huey had to cover his eyes at the sudden glow. His heart was pounding, who was there? Slowly pulling his hand away, the duckling looked up and caught his breath when he saw Graves, dressed as Gizmoduck, there at the door.

No… no, please… the worst treatments Huey had received from Graves had been when he had been disguised as Gizmoduck. What was he going to do to him now?

Breathing wildly now, Huey looked at Graves with wide eyes as the hawk entered the room with a plate of food. The adult bird put the plate of food on the ground and straightening up said:

"Here's your food, come on, come get it,"

Huey squeezed his beak closed as he looked at the food. Graves knew very well that because of where he had left the plate, he was unable to reach it. The older triplet knew it, knew that Graves did this only to make fun of him.

"Come on, aren't you hungry?"

The older triplet moved his hand to his stomach, the truth was it hurt because of the hunger he had, but no matter how hard he tried, it was impossible for him to reach the plate of food.

"You don't seem to be hungry, eh boy? Then…"

Huey's eyes widened in horror. What did Graves mean by that? The duckling watched how the falcon bent down to pick up the plate and, straightening up again, he turned to leave. Huey got up immediately, moving forward as much as the chains allowed him and desperately shouted:

"No Please!"

Graves stopped and turned slightly to look over his shoulder, and the chained duckling could see a mocking smile on the beak of the adult bird. Huey ignored as much as he could the sick nausea feeling he felt, knowing that Graves was enjoying what he was doing and after swallowing hard, the duck said in a trembling voice:

"P-please… don't leave me without food,"

Graves turned completely, looking at him in the eye and said:

"And why should I give you something that you despised a few moments ago? Those who are ungrateful like you shouldn’t be given anything."

Huey closed his eyes and lowered his head. Speaking brokenly he said:

"I-I- didn't want to despise the food- I- was too far… I couldn't-"

Despite the closed eyes, he felt the moisture accumulating in them, Huey dipped, hating that Graves saw him cry. Suddenly, he heard Falcon laugh. Opening his eyes to look at him, he saw the hawk looking at him with a wide smile and then said:

"It seems the baby is going to cry. I think it would be better for me to take this until you learn to contain your tears."

Huey's eyes widened in horror and he immediately yelled:

"What? No!"

Almost instantly Graves's face changed from mocking to worried and his voice also changed to alarmed and sounded like Fenton when he said:

“Huey, come on, wake up! You're having a nightmare! Wake up, please!"

*********************************************

Huey tiredly opened his eyes and the sight of the hospital room greeted him. Looking towards the window he saw it was night. Turning his head to his right, he saw Fenton, looking at him worriedly, behind him was the companion bed in which the adult duck had obviously been sleeping on up to that moment. Huey immediately felt bad, it made him feel bad to make others worry about him… he didn't want to be a bother, especially if he woke others up in the middle of the night because of his nightmares.

The older triplet looked away, felt something wet on his cheeks. Had he cried while having his nightmare? Probably. The duckling suddenly felt a hand resting on his shoulder, which made him turn his head again to look at Fenton. The brown-plumaged duck was still looking at him with concern, and then asked:

"You're okay?"

"I'm… sorry," Huey replied, looking away again. Although he didn't see it, he assumed Fenton had cocked his head, since it was something the Hispanic duck used to do before asking whatever he was about to ask:

"For what?"

The older triplet cringed, even more embarrassed than before, and replied:

"For… having awakened you"

The duckling in bed felt Fenton put his free hand on his cheek, probably in an attempt to get him to look at him. But Huey wasn’t going to, he had… interrupted his friend's sleep. He didn't have the courage to look at him. He heard Fenton sigh, and then the Hispanic duck said:

"Oh Huey, you don't have to apologize, I know you didn't do it on purpose… but if it makes you feel better, do you want to tell me what you saw in your dream? Talking to someone can be good for you. "

The older triplet closed his eyes and his beak trembled. He knew Fenton was trying to help him, in fact, the Hispanic duck had been by his side day after day, ever since he woke up and then since he was rescued, trying to help him in everything he needed.

Furthermore, Fenton didn’t leave him alone for a moment, as the doctor had suggested. Yes, the duckling still remembered the day he woke up and his family saw him, a few minutes after they left, an owl in a white coat came in and introduced himself as Dr. Owlfang.

*********************************************

Flashback

An owl entered the room after announcing his arrival. The doctor was very kind to him and very gentle. He told him that he had apparently been the victim of a brainwashing process, and that therefore they needed to determine how deep the damage he had suffered was. Huey's eyes had widened upon hearing that. His brothers had said the same thing to him in that dream, that meant… Dewey and Louie had told him the truth… Beaks had been playing with his mind. That made him… doubt for the first time the CEO showed affection towards him. Had he really ever cared about him or was it all a sham?

Dr. Owlfang then started asking several questions:

"Huey, I ask you to answer me honestly, how did you feel when you saw your family?"

The duckling's eyes widened in surprise, why was he asking him something like that? With some trepidation, the older triplet asked:

"How did I feel?"

The owl nodded warmly and softly said:

"Exactly. What emotions came over you when you saw them after so long?"

Huey shifted uncomfortably. Honestly, he didn’t want to say something like that to anyone, least of all to people he knew, because he felt very ashamed of some of the emotions he had felt.

"I…" started the boy uncertainly. He closed his hands into fists, grasping the sheets that covered his body in the process. The heart monitor began to accelerate again.

The healthcare professional sighed closing his eyes, then opened them and calmly said:

"Calm down little one. I'm not going to judge you for anything. But you telling me what you felt will be the first step to know what will be the best way to help you.”

Huey looked at Dr. Owlfang sadly and then at Fenton. He felt troubled about having to explain something like that. But he knew it would be even more difficult if the Hispanic duck was there with him. The doctor must have realized what was happening, because suddenly he turned to Fenton and said:

"Could you leave us alone for a few moments?"

The brown plumage duck seemed surprised for a few moments and finally replied:

“What? Oh yes, of course, of course,"

Fenton laughed nervously and left the room, leaving Huey and the doctor alone. Once they were sure that there was nobody else, the doctor looked at his little patient again and kindly asked him:

"And well?"

Huey sighed… he was very nervous. He really didn't want to talk about it, in fact… he wished he could forget all the time he was in that building… as if that had never happened. The boy finally looked at the doctor and weakly replied:

"I felt… confused, seeing… my family again… I felt a mixture of very contradictory emotions towards them… I… I couldn’t say which one was the strongest…"

"And would you have liked to know which one was the strongest?" the doctor asked a little curious.

Huey shook his head and replied:

"No… I… was afraid that the feelings of hatred, mistrust, resentment, fear… towards my family were the strongest."

"You’re an extraordinary boy," said the doctor suddenly. Huey instantly looked up puzzled. The doctor looked at him with a wide smile, and seeing the confusion on his face, he explained:

"Despite what they did to you, pretending it was your loved ones who did it, you love them so much that you feared hating them. You’re very good Huey."

The older triplet blinked a few times and then with a shy smile replied:

"T-thank you doctor,"

"You're welcome. Huey… listen… you don't have to if you don't want, but would you like to tell me everything that happened to you there?”

Huey's eyes widened in fear, the machine that controlled his heart rate sped up again, and his breathing came in quick gasps. Trying to control himself again, the boy in bed, with a trembling voice, replied:

"No… I don't feel ready to… face it… not yet…"

Despite having a needle in his arm, Huey pulled his legs up to his chest and tried to put his arms around them, a somewhat difficult task with one that had to constantly introduce liquid into his system.

The doctor quickly became aware of what was happening and rushing to put a hand on the boy's shoulder, he tried to calm him down, saying:

"Okay, take it easy, I don't want you feeling pressured to tell me. I'll just… be here by the time you're ready, okay?"

The doctor's words managed to calm Huey, who, after taking several breaths, dared to look at him and replied:

"Y-yes doctor."

End of Flashback

*********************************************

Since the doctor's visit, the health specialist had suggested it’d be better for Huey to not stay alone for an instant. He also advised his family to visit him, so that he would recognize the differences between his real loved ones and the 'imitations' of those who intended brainwash him.

Of course, he suggested that the visits be one or two at a time, to avoid… situations or environments of strong tension such as the first visit with the whole family just after waking up. Since then, and to Huey's gratitude, each time they visited him, there were never more than two each time. Fenton was always by his side on each of those visits. Honestly… despite being glad they visited him, because yes, he was glad, he also was… afraid of being alone with them, that's why he always asked the Hispanic duck to stay with him.

There were also other people who visited him, and with whom he wasn’t afraid of being alone, such as Gyro, Manny, Lil-bulb, Quackfaster, Launchpad… even Lena visited him. To tell the truth, Huey didn’t consider himself very close to the teen with dyed hair, but he couldn’t deny he appreciated the fact she decided to visit him. When Huey got visits from those who weren’t of the mansion’s inhabitants, Fenton could use those moments to take a breath. Something he totally deserved after expending hours with him.

Speaking of the brown plumage duck, Fenton was still looking at him, waiting for an answer. He had almost forgotten that he had asked what his nightmare was about. The boy opened his eyes and looking at Fenton, finally replying:

"I prefer… not to talk about that dream."

That was true, he didn’t want to talk about it with anyone, since… sadly what he saw in that dream was something similar to what Graves always did to torture him. Also… he didn't want to discuss this particular dream with Fenton, since it involved… Gizmoduck. Huey didn't want to hurt Fenton by telling him that he was terrified of Fenton’s superhero alter ego. Huey didn't want to even…. think about it. He wanted to erase it from his mind forever.

"Are you sure about that Huey?" asked the brown plumaged duck worriedly.

"Yes, I am," Huey replied, closing his eyes. He could feel his body tremble slightly, and he knew Fenton had noticed it too. He understood the Hispanic duck was worried about him, but… he just didn't… want to talk about it.

The adult duck sighed and finally said:

"Okay Huey, but if you change your mind, and want to talk about it, I'm here to listen, okay?"

Huey looked at Fenton and nodded. After this brief exchange, both ducks lay down again to sleep.

*********************************************

The next morning, Huey was sitting on the bed, peacefully reading a book that Gyro had brought him. Huey was deeply grateful for the gesture, because he really didn’t have many distractions in the hospital. In fact, he was afraid to test the boundaries of what he could and couldn’t do.

The reason for that fear, was because the duckling still remembered what happened the first time he ventured out of the room to walk down the hall, (accompanied by Fenton naturally). Considering that he was already sufficiently recovered, the doctors had decided to remove the intravenous and feed him only with solid foods. They had also told him that to regain strength he could go for a walk down the hall, something that greatly pleased the older triplet. But when he stepped out into the hall, a few seconds later, he was surrounded by a crowd of journalists trying to get a statement from Huey since, apparently, the news of Beaks' arrest and his involvement in the kidnapping of one of the McDuck's nephews had already reached the media, and journalists, like scavenging vultures, were scrambling to get the news exclusive.

The older triplet remembered being paralyzed, staring at the cameras that fired their flashes into his wide eyes. The boy was overwhelmed by such screaming right in front of him, and if it wasn’t for Fenton and the hospital staff, he probably would have had a panic attack right there. The duckling was promptly removed and gently escorted back to his room.

From that moment, all types of media was prohibited from entering the hospital. Even so, Huey no longer dared to leave his room again, choosing to pace from wall to wall instead of going by the corridors of the health center.

While the duckling read, there was a sudden knock on the door. Huey looked up from the book, just as Fenton also looked up from whatever he was reading.

"Come in," Fenton said. Both knew they couldn’t be journalists, because, as Uncle Scrooge requested, no one but family, close friends or hospital staff could enter that room.

The door opened and Uncle Scrooge and Uncle Donald appeared behind it. Both had smiles on their beaks. They gently entered the room keeping some distance from Huey to avoid the boy becoming nervous. To be honest… there was something strange about his uncles, the duckling noticed, they seemed happy, jubilant… how could that be?

"Hi Huey, how are ye today, lad?"

Huey still felt nervous with anyone in his family being around, but he was learning to live with that feeling, and it was becoming bearable… kinda. In fact, even if it was little by little, the more he interacted with his loved ones, the more he saw in the details that showed him they genuinely cared about him, and that they were very different from the distorted versions he saw in his dreams. Clearing his throat, the boy looked at his great-uncle and replied:

"I'm fine Uncle Scrooge, has something happened?"

The two uncles looked at each other with smiles on their beaks and then Donald spoke next:

"What happened is that we’ve brought you a gift."

"A gift?" the duckling asked surprised.

The older duck smiled widely and replied explaining:

"Yes, or rather, something we think you should get back."

"What is it?" Huey asked again, the truth, he was intrigued and… he was afraid to know what his uncles were referring to.

His Uncle Donald walked up to his side, and taking something from his back, showed it to the boy at the same time that he said:

"This."

Huey looked at what his uncle held out to him and his eyes widened in surprise when he recognized it.

"This it's my…"

My guidebook! He thought, taking the book in his hands.

"Exactly," said his sailor-dressed uncle, smiling even more than before.

Huey beamed and looking at his uncle. He said:

"Thank you so much Uncle Donald!"

The sailor-dressed duck had spread his arms, probably expecting a hug from his nephew. But Huey still didn't feel secure enough to hug anyone in his family. He felt sorry for Uncle Donald, but he just couldn't yet.

Uncle Scrooge then spoke, distracting him from his inner thoughts:

"But that's not all, lad."

"No?" Huey asked then looking at the duck in a top hat.

Scrooge shook his head and replied:

"No, how could we bring ye your Junior Woodchuck Guidebook without bringing ye something to help ye keep it where ye always do?"

And after this, he also took something from his back and handed it to the duckling in bed.

"M-my cap!" Huey exclaimed when he recognized what it was. Scrooge nodded and said:

"That's right lad… we saw- I mean, when we found ye, ye weren't wearing it, so we thought about bringing ye one of the spare ones in your room. Dewey and Louie gave it to us and we brought it to you."

Huey smiled. It was unexpected, but he loved it. He knew it was silly, but since Graves had burned his hat, Huey had found it much more difficult to resist the falcon’s visits, and now… his uncles had brought him one of his spare caps, as if, from somehow, they knew he missed it.

And in addition to the cap, they had also brought his guidebook. Oh, how much he had missed it. He knew it would have been very difficult, if not impossible to read while in absolute darkness, but even having it in his hands would’ve given him some reassurance… until Graves had burned it with his cap…

Why was he thinking about it now?

Huey shook his head and looking at his uncles said exultantly:

"Thank you very, very much!"

Both uncles smiled but didn't move, knowing they had to respect the boy's space. Huey felt a little bad about that. He knew they both wanted to hug him, and, being fair, they had brought him the best things they could bring him. It would be fair to show his gratitude with more than words. So, despite his growing nerves, the duckling got out of bed and hugged his uncles. They were both surprised at first, but soon returned the hug.

Huey smiled, having been the one who chose to hug his uncles, he didn’t feel as distressed as when his Uncle Donald hugged him a few days before.

Huey felt that perhaps, very slowly, things were beginning to improve.

*********************************************

So, yeah, I felt really bad when Huey didn’t hugged Donald back when he hugged him. That’s why I wanted to have him hugging Donald. I hope you’ll like it! Poor Huey, he’s having nightmares (even if it isn’t strange for him to have them). About that, what do you think about my little OC Dr. Owlfang? Do you like it? And the last thing, what do you think about the presents that Donald and Scrooge brought to Huey?

Okay, after say that, I really hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I also would like to thank to all the people who’d read this story, the ones who commented, those who reblogged it and: @mysteriouswriter72 @elianemariane17 @araminakilla20 @hakuneki07 @i-cant-find-any-creative-name @gizmovi @some-dum-wizard-bitch @infamousquack @margaretnobbs @alphatheplant @sugerheart @squackcrowquack @nsbfenro @marshmeadow12 @ohgeeeznotagain @constellations1 @isabellanajera @you-big-palooka @deathcat003 @dragonsareawesome123 @via15 @wellshit333 @ninjawarrior100 @your-salty-dorito @rowan-npg @thesuperepicawesomefireninja @duckworth-is-love @worldsbesteagle @shaz231 @cherriesandpoison @softlemonboi @rosebu-uds @mulaneysnl @ihavenonamehalp @drummergirl231-2 @narnour-momo-007 @via15 @trash-queen-fahey @gamerfansims389 @lesbianz4glomgoldje @jessie-00 @maclove54north @northofanvi @maditheanimaniacuwu @gabrielpainterfest-blog @Variousfandompage @whiteeyesandtina @official-toebeans @r6sedust @gabrielpainterfest @obsessionhell @werdna213 @chydesa-star @a-stupid-girl @fudgecantlife @elipaghy04 @whisperwillyou @fnafgirl30 @exceeeed-charger2020

And if I’ve forgot someone, I’m sorry

See you in the next chapter 😉

#ducktales 2017 #Huey Duck #Fenton Crackshell Cabrera #OC - dr. Owlfang #donald duck #scrooge mcduck #angst #happy moments too #war for genius

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