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crushedsweets · 7 months

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WWHAT WUD THE CREEPS DO 4 HALLOWEEN I MUST KNOW

anon... yes i like this. general disclaimer this is tailored to my au !! stuff under cut

toby likes it, thinks its fun and stuff. he's not the type to dress up beyond like, maybe a jacket and a mask or whatever, but he'll go and buy(steal) stupid ass halloween decorations from spirit or the dollar store. there r several mini skeletons sitting around his cabin. he treats it like elf on the shelf, but. . . skeletons... def will sit around and watch scary movies with a bag of halloween candy . totally carves pumpkins with whoever will do it with him

tim wouldnt really want to do much cuz he's just tired, but he probably would put out a small little pumpkin and bowl of candy outside his door. he's in an apartment so he doesnt really get trick or treaters. will prob buy some candy after halloween so its on sale

brians so annoying omfg(lovingly) he'd buy a fake arm, blood, and wig and stick it in his trunk so it looks like an arm is sticking out. yall know what im talking about. him and tim share an apartment so he'd prob try to actually put something simple around it, like some plastic pumpkins, but nothing really big. he is also a grown man with no kids, so he doesnt find himself going all out for these things

natalie. ok i recently made it where she's either already a tattoo artist, or learning to be a tattoo artist or whatever, but i could see her and some coworkers setting up the shop all halloweeny. she's so fucking tall that they'd just call her over for all the spider web stuff. she thinks its fun and she likes halloween a lot so it's cool. she'd get a huge kick out of doing halloween tattoos during october too. goes and hangs out with toby/nina for it

nina goes to parties . she HAS to get a whole new costume for every party. its super wasteful but she doesnt care all that matters is shes sexy. every year without fail she is a sexy gothic vampire for one of the parties. she works at hot topic, BUT she'd absofuckinglutely get a second job at spirit halloween for october. she's a creepy galll... def sets her apartment up super cutely, brings toby and nat over so they can carve pumpkins with her, tries to dress them up, etc. tons of halloween posts on her social medias too LOL shes so cute

jeff would prob also go to more like... weirder ( ?) parties with creeps and scary people roaming around just doing crazy shit. warehouse shit. prob finds someone to bring home and kill. he thinks its fun, its easier to just go about his days looking the way he does, he loves scaring the fucking shit out of people. doesnt decorate or wear costumes though, says its cringe LMFAO. hates how hyped nina is about it

jane and mary would totally decorate, but in a much more.. ? elegant ? way. like those tall skinny candles, swap out their doormat for something halloween themed, really nicely done pumpkins for some reason. jane would want to host a cute little halloween dinner for uni friends. probably just gets simple costumes, like she'd put on a witch hat and black dress and thats all, but its cute. takes sally (and ben, if sally asks him to come) trick or treating.

sally draws tons of drawings, loves disney halloween marathons, paints on pumpkins(doesnt like the smell of gutting them), etc. she'd decorate with jane cuz she lives w her. she loves it so much but she still gets scared of the animatronic things at stores and stuff LOL. begs ben to trick or treat w her. really embarrassing for ben

ben wouldnt do much besides like. he'd get worse w his internet trolling (scaring the fucking shit out of teens on the internet), start doing more actual hauntings bc nobody will believe his victims during october which means slender wont find out he's doing it. he would not want to go trick or treating..but he'd go with sally with a pillow case and he'd try to awkwardly stand further back but the ppl at the door would always b like 'aw dont be shy come here!' LOL

jack doesnt celebrate it, his family didnt really celebrate it much when he was human so he doesnt do it now. he does get kinda sad during holiday season though, cuz of obvious reasons, but halloween isnt the strongest Pain for him

liu is so fucking miserable theres no way. jk he'd set out like, some pumpkins and maybe get one of those lights that project ghosts onto his garage, but he wouldnt want to go all out or do anything to the inside of his house. jeff really liked halloween when he was younger so its kinda like ouch but he's getting overit. i guess. . .

kate doesnt..celebrate anything........ but when she does occasionally visit the cabin, maybe for food or a shower, and she sees toby decorated, she'd be happy to see it. she's kinda unsettling to be around, but she'd sit down and watch a movie with him in silence. then bring a massive bag of candy to the mine w her w/o telling toby. he just had to cope

ann and lulu dont do anything in the hospital. they dont really have any concept of time........... or the resources to decorate... and they dont get any trick or treaters... cuz theyre...stuck in an abandoned hospital in the woods . . . yeah..

ty for ask anoni like this one. very simple but very sweet

#asks #creepypasta fanart #creeped #ticci toby #clockwork creepypasta #god i dont wanan tag #i give up #nina the killer #ill do my 3 and thats it.

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ratsoh-writes · 3 years

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US, SF(P), FS(R), HT, and HF!

He gets a weird text from his best friend/crush’s number. MySquishy: Hey, this is (name)’s coworker. I just dropped her off at home cuz I gotta pick up my little siblings but idk if she should be left alone. She got hungry and asked if she could raid my locker. I said yeah, but i forgot to warn her and she found my stash. I didn’t notice until she was 4 cookies in and she’s pretty out of it right now. She said I could text you. I am so so sorry. When he goes to her apartment, he finds her laying on the coffee table but when she sees him her expression gets all wobbly and she beckons him fourth with her infamous grabby hands. When he goes over to her, she latches onto him like a lifeline and starts crying about how much she loves him and how he’s her favorite skeleton in the whole world, and also she feels like the world is caving in on itself, and he's sexy, and she can't remember anything before the last two words she said. Doesn’t seem like she’s letting go anytime soon,,, (I know Swapell is a questionable choice but I want to know how Cash would handle it if his S/O didn't purposely get high and instead this is her first time stoned and she's bordering on the edge of a bad trip)

Star: ok first of all, bringing edibles to work isn’t exactly the smartest thing to do, so when coworker drops crush off, Star levels them with the stern *I know you’re doing something stupid but am letting you off with a warning* police expression. After they sheepishly leave, Star just sighs and does his best to keep crush distracted. You’d be surprised about how many high people he’s tracked down and found on the job. Star is pretty good at talking them down

Honey: he feels for crush right now because he’s been through the same situation before lol. When honey was 16, he thought it’d be a great idea to experiment and managed to nick some monster cannabis. He was trying to figure out the best way to smoke it when he heard his brother come home, so naturally honey panicked and he ATE THE WHOLE BAG so Star wouldn’t find it. Needless to say he was tripping for two whole days and never touched the stuff again. Anyways, going back to crush, honey knows what it’s like to have a bad trip and won’t hold anything they say against them. He figures it’s just the brownies talking

Mal: he’s mad, but not at crush, at coworker. Like mal is hopping mad, and if he wasn’t taking care of crush right now, he would’ve gone over and ripped coworker a new one. Luckily for the worker, crush takes the whole night to come down from their high which gives mal plenty of time to cool off

Cash: he’s both grateful and sad to learn that his crush is an affectionate high. Cash is fine cuddling with them the whole night, but winds up taking them home with him so that he at least knows his brother is around too. Cash would’ve been fine just being with crush, but he feels more secure knowing someone sound of mind is there to talk him out of any stupid decisions

Lord: oh eff his life. This is is crush, not SO, so lord is still in the no touchy stage. Basically meaning, after a couple of attempts from crush for hugging him, lord will dump them on mutt and go hide somewhere coward

Mutt: he totally takes advantage of this and has crush saying all kinds of silly things while he records. Mutt will also have them stay the night and lends them one of his old shirts as pajamas. He can’t wait to see the embarrassed flush on his crush’s face when they wake up in his bed. Nothing happened, he’s just a sadist

Oak: lol what? Well he has coworker drop crush off at his place first. And if cuddles makes them shut up and stay happy, then oak figures he might as well have a movie night

Willow: he winds up stressing crush out with all his fretting and nerves over their high. Oak ends up banning willow from work and basically forcing him to relax for the night with crush. Now crush is snuggled against their dream man out cold, willow is internally screaming, and oak is a smug b*stard

Rust: he’ll be a bit embarrassed from all of crush’s attention, but otherwise takes it like a champ. Working with emotional kids has made rust pretty good at comforting crying people.

Noir: oh stars, he’ll do anything if they’ll JUST STOP CRYING. Pride prevents noir from running to rust for help. So poor noir will have a huge wet spot on his shirt by the time crush finally tires themself out. Noir doesn’t even care about what they were saying. He says wired stuff when he’s drunk too. It’s not a big deal

#undertale imagines #undertale headcanons #underswap #swapfell #horrortale #fellswap red #horrorfell

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howtolistentomusic · 4 years

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There's a radio sitting atop a pile of boxes. I grab it and hand it over to Carlos. He sets the device on the edge of the container and pushes the power button. We're greeted with a burst of static. He fiddles with the tuner until he stumbles upon "Wicked" by Future.

"Aw yeah!" he says as he turns the volume way up. "Some real music! Anthony, take notes!"

"I'm insulted by the implication that I don't listen to hip-hop."

"You bump 2Pac between Justin Bieber songs?" David says.

"Hell yeah I do!"

"Guacha!" David says.

Pronounced as if a stressed "ah" sound is added at the end of the English word watch, guacha is a Spanish verb for "look." Informally, though, it means something more like I approve! It's typically complimentary though it often carries a connotation of surprise that can come off as condescending. Against all odds, David basically said to me, I'm impressed. Welcome to the big boys club.

"2Pac is the greatest rapper of all time," Carlos says.

"Well, I don't know about that."

Don't get me wrong. I genuinely do like 2Pac. I grew up in Southern California, after all. But the GOAT? There's no way. He's a compelling figure for many reasons but too many others can rap circles around him.

"Listen to All Eyez On Me," Carlos says.

"Illmatic is better."

"What the fuck is that?"

It's the classic and hugely influential debut album by Nas, in case you're rooming with Carlos and Patrick Star.

"Life's a bitch and then you die!" Ruben sings.

"That's why we get high! 'Cause you never know when you're gonna go!"

"Damn, Ant!" David says. "Who would have thought?"

It's unclear whether he recognizes "Life's a Bitch", Illmatic's track three stunner, or if he's simply surprised that I made a weed reference.

"What else are you bumping?" David asks.

"Wu-Tang. Souls of Mischief. Big L—"

"The Based God?" Carlos says. "He fucking sucks!"

"That's Lil B, dumbass."

Dude doesn't know Big L from Lil B and he's never heard Illmatic. And yet here he is, trying to lecture me about hip-hop. Get the fuck out of here.

"Whatever. You're fucking old," Carlos says.

Touché. But I'm trying to keep up. I'm certainly on the Playboi Carti and Lil Uzi Vert bandwagons. "wokeuplikethis*" and "XO Tour Lif3" are great. I have a hard time understanding the appeal of Migos though.

Carlos grabs some bags from the edge of the container. When he turns to dump them into the proper gaylords, I glance at the radio. It's beckoning like a glowing pickup in a video game. I can't resist. Being cool is overrated anyways.

I tune to Live 105.5. "Good For You" by Selena Gomez is playing.

"Hell yes!" I say.

My coworkers laugh.

"Of course you would listen to this bullshit!" Carlos says.

Bullshit? Ok, I get it. So it's totally cool to want to fuck Selena Gomez. It's totally cool to mime and graphically detail the sexual acts you'd perform on her if given the chance, as a few of the guys did a while back when a Spring Breakers DVD came through the warehouse. Respecting the art she creates, though? Nah. Too much.

"Wanna show you how proud I am to be yours," I sing. "Leave this dress a mess on the floor!"

Two yeas ago one of my favorite music writers, Katherine St. Asaph, wrote some brilliant work inspired by "Good for You". Her Singles Jukebox blurb, in which she rates the song a 9 out of 10, is a masterpiece. And in a review of Revival for Time Magazine, she vividly wrote that the song "makes looking good for her man sound like searing a part of herself dead." Despite such a convincing case for the song's merits, however, I can't bring myself to like "Good For You" all that much. It's boring and rote and I totally prefer "Hands to Myself". In a place like this, though, I'll fucking take it. After all, remaining myself while simultaneously playing "dude" well enough to avoid ostracization by my coworkers is a balance I struggle with every time I step foot into this warehouse, so it feels really good to fill the room with a piece of my world for once while these fuckers are forced to deal with it.

"I just wanna look good for ya, good for ya," I sing. "Uh huh."

"Alright," Carlos says as the song winds down. "It's over."

He tunes the radio back to hip-hop just as Anna screams "Break!"

"Fuck," Carlos says as he turns off the device. ***

As usual, I beat the entire crew back to the dock. I hop into the container, turn on the radio and adjust the station.

"Reck a less bee hayve YA ah!" the radio pronounces.

Zayn Malick! Totally over One Direction, rhyming.

"Turn that shit up!" Donald says as the guys finally find their way back to roll-off. "This is my jam!"

"Let's start a boy band, Donald!" I say.

"I'm down!"

David laughs. Carlos shakes his head.

"I'm seeing the pain, seeing the pleasure," Donald sings. He's not kidding; he genuinely seems to like this song. "Nobody but you, 'body but me, 'body but us, bodies together!"

While I'm thrilled to have a temporary companion in poptimism, I must point out that this song sucks. I wish I could play "Little Black Dress" instead. I wonder what the guys would think of that particular track, which pits a traditional dude's reverence for classic rock against his hatred of boy bands.

"That's your last one," Carlos says as "Pillowtalk" gives way to a commercial.

He tunes back to the hip-hop station. "Hold On, We're Going Home" is playing and I have to stifle a laugh. Be careful what you wish for, I think to myself.

Carlos can't stand Drake. He's told me as much. He's a fucking pussy were his exact words. Of course, he'd be loath to admit that now, when control of the radio is at stake. I decide to stoke the fire.

"'Cause you're a good girl and you know it!'" I sing.

"Why do you like literally the worst shit?" Carlos says.

"I can change the station if you prefer," I say as I reach for the radio.

"Leave it!" he says.

"Yes, daddy!"

As soon as he turns his back, I tune back to pop. Mass groaning ensues as Shawn Mendes goes on about stitches. Carlos, however, is silent. He's standing still as a statue, staring me down.

***

If the warehouse gave out game balls at the end of each shift, Carlos would have more than the rest of roll-off combined. This is despite the fact that the dude is hardly physically intimidating. Indeed, the contrast between his tough guy persona and his tiny 5"2' frame is a gift that keeps on giving. One time, in an exercise designed to lighten the mood after a slog of a safety meeting, management made the entire staff of the warehouse line up on the floor of the line, single-file, tallest on the right and shortest on the left. There were approximately 30 people in the building and only a single woman was standing to the left of Carlos. It took the roll-off team hours to get all the laughter out of our system.

Carlos isn't particularly funny or clever either. While his insults come fast and furiously, they tend to be the predictable nonsense you would expect from someone that still considers "gay" a burn in the year of our Lord 2017. It's the same sort of mockery I've been dealing with my whole life. The words themselves don't really bother me.

But Carlos will wear you down through sheer attrition. His short fuse, gangbanger ethics and the fact that he values his pride over his job give him a willingness to escalate that's difficult to compete with. I once witnessed him empty an entire can of shaving cream onto the face of poor old man Kenneth. He also once swung a bag of hard toys, with all his might, at Donald after the two got into a heated argument. Then there was the time he was in a bad mood and discreetly coated some furniture with that aerosol "snow" stuff—the kind that people use on their windows as a Christmas decoration—in the hopes that some naive rube would ruin their clothes.

So I'm not sure what Naive Rube was thinking in perpetuating this tug-of-war over a stupid radio. Perhaps I felt like I deserved a fucking break. Roll-off already has a radio, after all. Sure, Anna controls the station. But everyone seems fine enough, usually, with the soul and R&B she prefers.

In any case, I'm not in the mood for Carlos' shit today.

***

I place a box of books at the edge of the container, right in front of Carlos.

"Are you just gong to stand there?" I ask.

"Give back the radio, you fucking pussy!" Carlos says. "Nobody wants to hear this pop shit!"

I know, dumbass. That's why this is so much fun.

"Give it back!" he repeats. He swipes for the radio but I grab it and place it out of his reach.

Carlos slices a bag of clothes with his pocketknife.

"I'm going to fuck you up!" he says. "Stupid little bitch! I'm going to fuck you up!"

"Cool story, bro."

"Are you really not gong to give it back?"

I laugh. Look, this entire thing is petty as fuck but the dude's entitlement really is something else.

"Give it back simply because you told me to? I'll pass but thanks."

"I'm going to give you one last chance," he says.

"Oh noes! Make sure you play some Justin Bieber at my funeral."

Carlos is fucking seething. He pulls the still-as-a-statue move again in an attempt to intimidate but roll-off simply functions around him. Nobody else seems to care much about the radio war and that's fine by me. When Carlos finally realizes that his protest isn't going to work, he grabs the box of books and gets back to business. Apollo for the win!

As an alternative kid with a preference for dark clothing and bulky accessories, the sun has long been the bane of my existence. This is especially true as I age, as one of the ways I temper insecurities about my ever-expanding waistline is by burying myself in layers. Today, however, the sun is an unlikely ally in my ongoing struggle against Carlos. It's 100 degrees out, see, and when it's this hot outside the container becomes almost unbearable, the metal walls stubbornly retaining the heat in a way that feels like you're working in a giant oven.

Pushing donations from inside the container is typically a two-person task but nobody else is up for it today. And the emptier it becomes, the safer I seem to be getting from Carlos' antagonism as I place the radio further and further from his reach. For a glorious hour I have the device all to myself. Ariana Grande! Lady Gaga! Hailee Steinfeld! Rihanna! I'm singing along, dancing like a maniac, and feeling pretty damn good. Then I hear a loud crash.

I turn around. Carlos is standing at the foot of the container, a crate of dishes in front of him.

I've seen this before. God forbid there's glass around when Carlos is angry because he'll start chucking it, his aim loose enough for probable deniability but accurate enough to make life hell.

He grabs a plate and throws it my way. It shatters near my feet.

"Calm the fuck down!" I say.

"Give me the radio."

"Come and get it.

Carlos hops into the container. Fuck. Here we go.

Of course, he's not grabbing anything without going through me first. It's too damn empty in here. I step towards him to obstruct his path. We meet in the middle of the container. Our faces are inches apart.

One, Mississippi. Two, Mississippi. Three, Mississippi. Four, Mississippi. Five, Mississippi. Six—

"Fuck this gay ass music," he finally says. Then he turns and walks away. *** A short time later we finish unloading the container. Two hours remain in the workshift but supervisor Stella tells us that we won't be getting more trucks until tomorrow. She assigns the guys to other tasks in the building while I stay behind on the dock to tidy up.

For good measure, I empty the batteries from the radio and throw them in a bin designated for hazardous materials. Then I smash the radio on the floor, throw the pieces in the electronics gaylord, then pull it inside the warehouse.

Give me my damn game ball.

#minwagepop

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allthefilmsiveseenforfree · 5 years

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What Men Want

So first off, I thought this movie was going to be so cringey. I expected nothing less from director Adam Shankman, who you may know as the director and choreographer of Hairspray and who I may know as my favorite guest judge on the best seasons of So You Think You Can Dance. What Men Want is the gender-flipped version of the 2000 Mel Gibson movie, What Women Want. The answer to that movie’s question was 1) for men to just like, listen, and also not be assholes? and 2) stop letting Mel Gibson be in movies. Well it’s 19 years later, and at least we got half of one of those things still going strong. So what’s the answer to the 2019 version, which sees Ali Davis (Taraji P. Henson) suddenly privy to all the innermost thoughts of every man she’s near? Well...

Treat them like people? Like, with respect and dignity? I think that’s what the film was getting at, but it’s sort of obscured by all the bro-y dick jokes, racism, and misogyny.

Some thoughts:

I’ll be honest with you - I thought this was going to be SO stupid but honestly, this giant conference room full of men in which Ali is one of maybe 2 or 3 women in it? Yeah, that’s WAYYY too many men and this vibe is so real. So there are at least some glimmers of an actual point to this movie’s whole existence.

Also Taraji P. Henson’s wardrobe is incredible. She’s like a beacon of awesome style in the midst of all these boring suits. She’s magnetic, she’s vivacious, and I have no idea how anyone would possibly pick one of these boring dudebros over her, given the option.

Ok but wait, I mean, it sucks that she didn’t get the promotion but you can’t just call all your coworkers backstabbing bitches. That’s an HR violation, not cool, girl.

Damn Aldis Hodge is so charming and hot as Ali’s love interest, Will. I’ve loved him since season 1 of Supernatural and he just keeps getting better with age. He’s smooth, disarming, and the kind of hot that feels accessible, you know? This first sex scene is truly terrifying though - and I know you’re an A-list star now, but no one keeps their bra on, Taraji. Nothing feels less realistic in a sex scene than that.

Honestly the entire condom-on-the-back sequence is so horrifyingly unprofessional, it’s no wonder Ali didn’t get this promotion.

The main reason this film is rated R is because men are gross, and I just feel like everyone in the room deserves better than this.

As far as performances go, though, everyone feels a little bit uneven or off their game with the exception of Hodge and Erykah Badhu, who is clearly having the time of her motherfucking life here as the psychic who helps guide Ali through her newly acquired men-hearing powers. But Taraji is pinballing between manic and brooding in almost every scene, and she doesn’t quite have the physical comedy chops of say, Aisha Tyler, or even Gabrielle Union to help sell this implausible premise when the script is lacking. I think I might enjoy her more as unintentionally funny rather than purposefully funny. Pete Davidson and Max Greenfield are basically just phoning in their supporting roles. And while watching athletes play exaggerated versions of themselves is delightful, no one is giving Reggie Miller or Shaq an Oscar for their performances here.

This soundtrack is very basic, very obvious song choices but damn, there are some good cuts here - like “Bills, Bills, Bills” during the poker scene, hell YES.

I know this is nitpicky, but it feels weird that the punchline to Kellan Lutz’s big “ooh let’s have a spontaneous hookup” scene is 1) he’s into BDSM and 2) he’s so serious about it that he has a whole room devoted to it. Like, it does not take an expert in the field to clearly see that there ain’t NO WAY that man buckled himself into all that gear in the 2 minutes it took her in the bathroom. So not only is your punchline lame, obvious, and totally off the mark when it comes to actual BDSM practices (because none of that was safe, sane, OR consensual), but it also doesn’t logically make any sense. I will admit that it made me laugh in the credits when his character’s actual credited name was “Captain Fucktastic” though.

Turns out, even after all these years, I still hate hearing anything that comes out of Tracy Morgan’s mouth.

This promo video is so embarrassing, it looks like it was made on racist iMovie. Big booty hos and gold chains are the only way to get a young black basketball player to sign with you, right? God, it would be embarrassing for them if it wasn’t so damn appalling.

Is the only narrative for sports agents pulling a Jerry Maguire and going free agent? That’s the plot of actual Jerry Maguire, Ballers, and now this. Are there any sports agents that just...stay where they are? How do they even get anything done if everyone’s just waiting for everyone else to Jerry Maguire?

Also, anything and everything having to do with queer issues in this film is pretty fucked up. Ali’s assistant Brandon (Josh Brener) is gay, and when he starts to date a fellow employee, per Ali’s mind-reading suggestion, they share one spinning hug, and that’s it. There’s no other expressions of desire or affection, not even one kiss, as there would be for any straight couple that Ali played matchmaker for. There’s also a revelation during a big wedding scene at the end where Ali gets drunk, decides THEN is the best time to stop the wedding (not in the weeks leading up to it when she definitely could have) and reveals a whole host of secret affairs, including one woman’s husband sleeping with another man. It’s played as THE most shocking revelation - a spectator literally faints - and the woman angrily accuses her husband of kissing her after he was sucking dick. It’s meant to be hilariously *shocking* but the pattern of jokes throughout the movie just feels gross and homophobic and woefully outdated.

I will say I’m glad there’s at least some acknowledgement of the intersection of race and gender and how it has affected Ali’s career in the film. I had hoped that this movie would use Ali’s powers to better undermine and exploit all the bullshit she has to put up with as a black woman working in a white male-dominated field, but I suppose even acknowledging intersectionality directly is a big get for a major studio movie.

The main message of the story is that black women literally have to have supernatural powers granted to them to have the chance to advance to the same level as a mediocre white man.

Also the ending is super abrupt because they clearly didn’t know how to end it besides just “aaaaaand everything is resolved!”

What Men Want is uneven, but at least engages with some deeper issues than its Mel Gibson predecessor. It has its moments of humor (Shaq thinking about himself in the third person just GETS ME) but overall I don’t know that this movie is what men OR women really want.

#119in2019 #what men want #what men want review #taraji p henson #aldis hodge #erykah badhu #josh brener #max greenfield #pete davidson #movie reviews #film review

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system-architect · 6 years

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Plex: 5, 12, 15, 19

wow you are asking all of the SERIOUS QUESTIONS !! added in number 9 since u added that in a second ask

5: Guilty pleasures

plex is an oddball case in this one because most ppl would probably be like “oh yeah my guilty pleasures r like staying up playing videogames all weekend” or w/e but plex exists in a world of opposites where it’s very much The Norm for him to just kind of be procrastinating and indulging in junk food and various media all the time, However his friend group is just the rest of the IT krewe and while they’re also all into those kinds of guilty pleasures its sort of their Social Culture to be really into like videogaming all weekend and eating shit food, and so they’re also very into Cringe Culture meaning like. the stuff that plex would consider guilty pleasures are things his coworkers would Disapprove Of and find 2 cringey or ~soft~ so plex’s guilty pleasures are probably somewhere along the lines of like... god idk.... plex hasn’t really been allowed to explore his interests outside of this group so honestly it’s less he has any SPECIFIC guilty pleasures, the man just feels guilty and bad every time he’s like an actual friendly decent gentle person for once.......... which is semi often because despite being an obnoxious twit he is not actually bad 2 the bone....................

this went on longer than i intended but plex’s ‘guilty pleasures’ are basically like “i was nice 2 some newbies in this mmo today and i get really irrationally excited over getting new pins/clips to use in my hair and both of those are very Soft Boy which i feel guilty for doing because thats not the Cool Inquest Badass Guy Thing To Do so im going to get cagey about it and hide it and pretend i don’t care”

second revision tl;dr plex’s life sucks

9: Humiliating memories

you are GOING FOR THE KILL on this man

im not sure about hyper specific things but plex probably has a lot of traumas(TM) stemmed from having health issues as a child, e.g. getting picked on in pre-college or having doctors fuss at him (he’s always been physically weak and exhausted really easy on top of eye issues-- his pale appearance and issues come from him being essentially the asura pattern equiv of a double merle). plex being plex also he has a tendency to Run His Mouth and he’s undoubtably said a LOT of short sighted stuff over the years that still haunts him at night hjkgf

12: Grudges and vendettas

plex holds grudges A Lot..................................... the main one i can think of is he’s like. pissed at both his parents simultaneously jhkfgd he’s pissed at his dad for running off and being a total absentee father but pissed at his mom for chasing his dad off in the first place. (tho he still ends up wanting their approval/etc and is sort of chasing the trail of vague info potentially leading to his dads whereabouts atm)

bein a videogame player also im sure he like. has gotten his ass beaten in like a pvp match in one of his mmos and like instantly blocked the person responsible and since then gone after them with VIGOR whenever he gets sorted into a match with them. ....i don’t know if mmos/similar videogames exist in tyria tbh but im gonna assume maybe theres like, an asura runescape out there man idk. if not this is theoretical personality exploration

15: What it takes to make them cry

BIG SECRET HERE....................................... plex is a bit of a crybaby but he’s just gotten really good at clenching his jaw and tryin 2 suppress it

his emotions are very vivid and wild and so when he’s been wronged or affronted or insulted or lost smth or is otherwise upset he’s really gotta suppress both the yelling and the waterworks. ...he usually suppresses the latter but not the former.......

19: People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them

oh boy.............. plex is in a weird position with this because being inquest but doing IT for inquest he’s never had a very direct hand in killing people but he absolutely facilitates it by fixing up their machines

he’s probably mostly at his desk and not usually observing inquest scientists doin their thing cus when he’s gotta trudge out to the rest of the base he mashes some buttons and then trudges back over to the IT dept but there’s prrrrobably been uh, a few cases he’s Witnesses ppl testing “ok hold on sit tight a sec while i make sure this laser/horrible device works Now” or machines instantly firing up and resuming their programs when he like, plugs them back in (after someone accidentally unplugged it and made angry calls to IT for an hour demanding they move them up their queue and come fix their machine RIGHT NOW so they can resume their IMPORTANT RESEARCH and they never figured out they just unplugged it)

plex actually Witnessing these things is probably uhh Not a good experience for him, plex IN THEORY is all “oh the inquest does bad things but like its necessary for scientific advancement.. :/” but actually seeing a machine you just fixed like scramble someone’s physical matter is very. viscerally unnerving and nauseating to him and he really does not like having that “my guy the shit you do facilitates a LOT of painful murder” connection made abundantly clear to him, and it probably shakes his devotion to the inquest a bit before he decides to stuff those feelings back into pandora’s box and pretend everything is fine. definitely ends up replaying the scenes in bad dreams or night anxiety episodes tho

#text heavy #oc talk #plex #i cant. make ACTUALLY BAD 2 BONE villains sorry #plex is a shitlord but he's a shitlord mostly by bad circumstance i think

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robertdowneyjjr · 7 years

Text

nursey the tech disaster and dex the apple support guy: an au

a conversation between me & @brandnewfashion

(interspersed with random hockey commentary)

kayytx

au where nursey keeps having IT trouble and every time he goes online to use that quick chat help service (bc he doesn't want to call. that's awkward af) he gets dex as the service guy

brandnewfashion

oooooh

nice!!!!!!!!!!!!

TELL ME MOER

kayytx

i'm trying to decide what products nursey's using that he keeps having issues lmao

i feel like fandom consensus states nursey is a mac guy?

brandnewfashion

yeah i can't see him not using them

kayytx

so basing off of my experience trying to update my software for FOUR HOURS at staying up until 3am bc of that shit ugh

the first time he has to contact apple support online he's trying to upgrade his OSX to the latest software, but it keeps stalling a quarter of the way through

so nursey borrows chowder's laptop to go on apple's website for support help and dex answers

and legit, that shit takes...four hours

brandnewfashion

lol i wouldn't know

sounds annoying tho

kayytx

it's supposed to be only half an hour but my laptop just decided to be a little shit

but anyway

in between dex telling nursey what to do, and nursey following instructions and waiting for his laptop to show some progress

they start chatting

bc nursey is bored and it's late at night and there's nothing else for him to do, especially since his computer isn't working

imagine nursey like, suddenly thinks of a few verses for a poem and types them in the chat bc he couldn't find anywhere else to write atm

and dex is like ??????

brandnewfashion

yesss

kayytx

YASSS HABS WIN

ok anyway

brandnewfashion

GOOD

kayytx

so that obvi leads to a convo where dex asks what nursey does and nursey talks about being an english major

and dex tells him about doing comp sci and working for apple part time

brandnewfashion

FINALLY THE FLAMES SCORED

and yes good i'm liking this au

kayytx

idk how many call locations there are in the US though so i'm trying to figure out where dex is based rn

like i'm kinda tempted to have him live in nyc

but i don't work for apple so idk how true this is

brandnewfashion

dude that'd be cool though? and nursey could be like "YO I'M FROM THERE" and dex, who just started school there, could be like "ok is there any place to get decent ____ bc i haven't found one yet"

kayytx

yeS EXACTLY

so nursey recommends some like hipster coffee places and one day dex remembers this convo and goes and at first he's like, what the FUCK this place serves out of mason jars NO

but he tries the coffee and he honestly thinks it's liquid cocaine so he keeps going back

brandnewfashion

lolllll

kayytx

anyway so like after three hours of chitchat and apple support nursey's computer finally boots properly and installs the update

so they say goodbye, it's been really fun talking to you, thanks for the help, etc. etc. and sign off

then three weeks later nursey's iphone spazzes out

and the nearest apple store is an hour away and he just doesn't have the time to go there, wait another hour for the genius bar to have an opening, and then go back to campus

so he goes online to apple support and clicks the chat option

and it's dex again

dex recognizes him from his apple ID, which usually never happens but bc they had such a good convo last time nursey left an impression

and so again in between helping out nursey he's just like, oh HEY i went to that place you told me about!

so nursey tells him about more places to visit

brandnewfashion

ok ben bishop is in net for the kings (no surprise) but he's wearing his lightning mask and it's really throwing me off

kayytx

god that's so weird

brandnewfashion

ANYWAY

what places does nursey tell him to go toooooo

how long does tihs go on before they get the opportunity to meet?????

kayytx

OKAY OK so

idk i think this happens like four or five times?

apple products arent THAT terrible lmao you can't have that many issues with your products

but nursey's a disaster so

he manages to fuck up something every few weeks

and like after the third time he enters the chat dex's coworkers recognize him also and they just pass him off to dex immediately hahaha

brandnewfashion

lmaooo

kayytx

oh FUCK stars tied the game

anyway

brandnewfashion

RUDE

kayytx

honestly after the fourth time nursey goes online with an issue about his ipad's storage issue or whatever dex is just really tempted to give nursey his number bc for the most part he's been able to solve his problems without referring to the resources at his desk

OH SHIT STARS IN THE LEAD

brandnewfashion

EXCUSE ME WHAT

FUCK U STARS

kayytx

UGH

anyway so yeah dex wants to give nursey his number and nursey wants to ask for it, but they both know the chats are monitored and that's just highly inappropriate and nursey doesn't want to get dex fired

so they both resist but like

it's kinda killing both of them

brandnewfashion

kayytx

yeah like they're both p sure they're gonna die before they ever meet bc they're Dramatic af

BUT!! THIS IS FIC!!! and i love them and want them to be together so DO NOT DESPAIR

nursey goes back to nyc for winter break

and he doesn't want to be all cooped up at home with nothing to do

so he decides to go out, find some inspo, write a bit

AND THEN this suddenly becomes a coffee shop au

nursey goes to that mason jar hipster cafe to get some work done

but in the middle of writing his computer shuts down and he panics REALLY LOUDLY

and what??? dex is THERE???

brandnewfashion

LOL

AMAZING

HOW CONVENIENT

kayytx

R I G H T

he had the day off and was also there to work on some freelance coding projects he has on the side and in the middle of coding he hears this really loud person screaming at his laptop and he's like, what the FUCK

so he looks up and sees nursey doing SOMETHING with his computer. he's not even sure what

and in teh cafe there are like three other people with their laptops out, but dex is the closest and he looks the least busy (nursey is wrong. dex is the busiest, he just looked up at the wrong time and Eye Contact happened and now he's stuck)

so nursey goes over to him and he's like, "yo bro can i borrow your laptop to go on apple support and get some help"

bc that response is just like ingrained in him now. anytime something happens he just. goes on apple support

dex, being the lil shit he is, just goes, "have u tried turning ur computer off and on again"

brandnewfashion

kayytx

nursey: it won't even turn ON dex: maybe its out of battery nursey: it's plugged in??? do u not see it????? dex: maybe your cord doesn't work

dex just. doesn't want to help

he does enough of that at work

brandnewfashion

lollll

kayytx

but nursey is really annoying and he figures the easiest way to get rid of him is to help him so he's like, ok fine i actually work at apple i'll help you

brandnewfashion

wow

the pens are gonna lose

to the STARS

kayytx

.....that's so depressing

brandnewfashion

they got too fucking cocky

ugh

kayytx

brandnewfashion

anyway

dex helps him?

kayytx

dex helps him!

and meanwhile nursey's chattering on and on about how this is the first time someone's actually physically helped him with his laptop bc he never goes to the genius bar even though he probably should and he's terrible with technology and things always just die on him so he always has to get help from online support and it's kinda funny how he always gets the same guy who helps with his problems and it's actually kinda nice talking to him, and he kinda really likes him, but he doesn't think they'll ever meet bc why would that ever happen right? hey maybe dex would know him since they're both working for apple? but what are the chances?? surely there are thousands of people who work for apple

and like all this time dex has sorta just been tuning him out while he works on nursey's computer but he catches a few things here and there

and he's like

wait

rewind

dex: holy shit nursey: what? what is it, is my computer really dead this time? dex: you're derek nurse nursey: umm? yes?

and for a sec nursey thinks that he's just somehow become notorious within apple support center circles or something bc he's gone for help so many times

but then dex introduces himself and he's like OH HOLY SHIT

brandnewfashion

NICE

kayytx

and like sometime during nursey's little ramble he mentioned how he thought dex is funny and really nice and seems like someone he'd like to date and of COURSE dex totally heard all of that

dex: so. you think i'm funny. and you want to date me huh? nursey: ...well i mean maybe? dex: okay well just do you know just because we're both in a coffee shop right now declaring our feelings this ISN'T our first date okay bc i refuse to have our first date be one where i fix something for you again nursey: oh so YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME TOO?

brandnewfashion

kayytx

dex: well yeah. i wanted to give you my number but i couldn't do that without a monitored chatroom nursey: i wanted to give you my number too! dex: well? technically? i have your number? because it's in our systems dex: but i didn't want to seem like a creep if i'd just randomly texted you

but anyway they finally exchange numbers like normal people and nursey Officially asks dex out on a date

but then internally he's struggling bc he basically already gave dex a list of all the best places in nyc and now he has nothing to impress dex with lmfao

brandnewfashion

HAHAHAHA

kayytx

they end up going to brooklyn for smorgasburg bc you cant really ever go wrong with that

wait jk that's seasonal so it wouldn't be open for winter break LMAO

brandnewfashion

oh gosh they're gonna become a disgustingly sweet long distance couple

kayytx

yeah nursey's fucked

YES THEY ARE

they're so gross honestly

brandnewfashion

they always have shit going on

there's ALWAYS something hapening haha

kayytx

and dex's coworkers notice that this dude hasn't been on the chat in a really long time??? and they kinda start feeling bad for dex bc they knew he had a bit of a crush on nursey lmao

brandnewfashion

ok but then dex has them all over to meet his "new boyfriend" and they all walk in on nursey screaming at his laptop and they're like "OH"

kayytx

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

and at this point dex is already at the fondly exasperated stage and he's like, jfc nurse you should just give up on technology altogether

#nurseydex #dexnursey #omgcp #omgcheckplease #check please #i love this pairing with my whole life #brandnewfashion #kay writes things #honestly i should just start a new tag #kay has ideas #bc i have ideas but i never actually write the fic lmfao #anyway

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datingadviceonreddit · 5 years

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I posted this in a comment thread on a joke post and people really seemed to like it so I thought I would share it here.Here's what I wish I knew earlier and just knowing a part of it got me a happy marriage to the love of my life.Initial dating section:1: communicate what you want and think clearly and openly. If the person you’re dating demands that you read their mind I can’t help you there. On our first date we agreed that we would never expect the other to know what we haven't verbalized and it is a total life saver.2: be confident in your self and don’t self deprecate even when joking. This person wants to know they made a good decision being with you and being timid or overly humble only works in anime3: make an effort to look and smell good. It’s ok if you seem to have made an effort and it’s a compliment in its own way. just don’t overdo it with the scent. They should smell you when hugging. Not across the room!4: Have fun and try to get them to have fun with you. Don’t sacrifice your enjoyment completely for them because that’s not sustainable in a relationship and neither is the inverse. It should be fun like a play date where you want to bone each other.5: don’t even think about dating someone if you aren’t sure they are into you. Go ahead and ask them if they are into you. It’s not nearly as awkward as tv and movies make it out to be and can save a lot of heartache. If they say no then move on even if you think they don’t know you well enough. The physical attraction is nearly immediate and a good relationship has at least some. No matter how unattractive you think you are there’s more people into you than you know. My wife thinks dad bods and overly hairy chests are sexy. Everyone is somebody’s type/kink.6: communicate more. Give open compliments about things they do that you like and their appearance. Be specific. Saying “you’re pretty” is fine but telling someone they have beautiful eyes or lips or a killer ass is better. It won’t be creepy if you already made sure they are into you and it’s nice to hear what your best features are. Saying they have nice full lips and following up by saying they look like they would be fun to kiss is a great way to ask for a kiss too.7: ask them about their boundaries and respect them! If she said she doesn’t want to have sex on the first date then don’t make a move for sex unless she verbally tells you she changed her mind. Or if she doesn’t like it when you do something it isn’t cute to tease her about it until you are really close and are fully aware of where her real limits are. Even then it’s iffy.Long term relationship section:Make it your job to be better at sex. It’s always worst the first couple of times because you’re still learning about each other but you should put in the work to make it better for both of you as fast as possible through communication and experimentation. It’s your sex life too. Toys can be a lot of fun and in now way mean you're bad at sex. If it helps, treat it like a competition where the winner makes the other orgasm more. Win at sex because a good sex life will 100% help keep your relationship in good working order.Be your own person which is to say don’t be a relationship chameleon and adapt all their traits to try and make them like you more. It will either end in you resenting them because you’re constantly doing things you don’t actually like or they don’t respect you and leave/cheat on you because you’re basically just a “yes man”.Try to share experiences as much as possible and talk about them to gain consensus that will help you grow closer. However, don’t feel like you have to be together all the time. We frequently ask each other for some alone time.Communicate communicate communicate. Make sure no topic is taboo and your partner knows this. Know yourself and if you are feeling sad, sick, uneasy or grumpy say so as soon as you realize. Even if you don’t know why you can say you will explain as soon as you figure out why because this WILL save you from a lot of arguments. Similarly, an agreement early on to never expect the other to read your mind has prevented a metric ton of “you should have known” arguments. The more you practice this, the more self aware you will both become which makes it even easier. Going to therapy also helps. Even perfectly healthy people could benefit from the opinions of an intelligent, unbiased listener who can never share what they hear.Don’t keep secrets. Just don’t. You’ll have to remember them for one and for two you’re partner won’t know who you are if you keep too many. If you still like porn even though you can have sex anytime with them just say it. If you wish you went out to more restaurants or think your coworker is sexy say it (carefully). They should feel they can trust you completely to disclose everything and whenever someone tells you a secret you should make it clear that you won’t be keeping it from your SO. Your partner is just that and discussing everything will grow your relationship and help you make better decisions in general. Two heads really are better than one.Try not to fight. its fine to disagree but if one of you starts yelling or seems too angry to communicate you need to talk them down or let them cool off before anything can be resolved. Try to find the root of every issue and either fix it or compromise when you disagree. Admit you're wrong if you realize your wrong and ask them to do the same. Your egos shouldn't take priority over a partner you love or your relationship.TL;DR: communication is like 90% of it. You need to know each other completely to help you make each other happier or you will grow apart. via /r/dating_advice

#dating #dating advice #reddit

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datingadviceonreddit · 6 years

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Having only a few long term relationships I thought it was time to have one after my last experience 2 years ago. I didn't had a lot of chances until then, except one very good date with a girl I had a good bond with but she decided to ghost me for some reason. I recently met 2 girls and I'm just not used to it, here is the whole story :Now I tried some dating apps but quickly thought it wasn't for me, except for one on which I stayed a little bit longer. Early in June I was about to deactivate my account when I meet a girl (let's all her Brunette) who was really nice and who seem to want to get to know me as much as I wanted to know her. We start texting and basically talk everyday about everything and nothing, until comes to moment of the 1st meeting.In the same time, I started to talk to another girl (who'll call Blonde) on the same app who was more straightforward and showed an attracting enthusiasm. She quickly gave me her number and I quickly appreciate a lot of things with this girl even though the frequency is way lower than with Brunette, the first impression she gave me is really good.Comes the date with Brunette on Sunday and we spend a nice afternoon chilling in the park, walking in the city and ending eating together. I guess no moves were done and no signs were given but I'm really bad to spot that ^^. After that we keep in touch and keep talking, with a idea to see us once again. The same day, during the date, I had a message from Blonde saying that she'll be back in town (was at her parents' house) and she's willing to see me, to which I agree. We settle for the next Wednesday in a bar she likes.Sadly the day of the date she says she can't come (I was SO expecting it :p) cause she's sick and she prefer to be OK when we see each other, cause she really wants to see me. No problem, we reschedule for the next Monday. The day comes and as I was coming from a holiday, I'm late as fuck (45 minutes) but she's totally cool as she just wants to see me. We have the date, stay until the bar closes then walk a bit toward the buses to go home, having spent a really nice moment together, I could feel a thing, but a slight one and I'm not confident enough to try something on the first date. Next day, she suggests we go to the Zoo has it closes later on Thursday. I haven't done that in a while so I'm down for it.Meanwhile I'm still talking to Brunette and while she talks about one of her coworker she likes and who seems to like her as well, she also seem to tease me a little bit : during our discussion I told her my thing was red hair, I don't know why, but it automatically attracts me. We were talking about what could make her feel good one day and she answers "oh I know what would feel good..." when I ask her what, she says "coloring my hair" with a smirky emoji. Now as she didn't answered I felt she would answer "red" and that would have been a sign I can't miss. False alert, it's Violet, but still... There have been more texts like that which looked more as flirting but I can't tell if it was really a flirt.This happened the day before I go to the zoo with Blonde and we have an amazing time, we share the same humor and the same references (at one point the guide talks about "valve" which immediately makes me think "Steam ?" to which Blonde and I say at the same time "Gaaaabe") and I just love spend time with her. We once again end up in a bar for the last call and I still didn't try a thing.At this point, my mind is kinda stuck between the two. While I love the bond I have with Blonde, I just have deeper and longer talks with Brunette and for each girl I miss what I have with the other (hope it's clear). But Blonde keep suggesting activities and we plan to go at a concert on Saturday. We realise the gig is full and she suggests some other activities, we end up going to a mini festival organised by a left union. The place was surprising and we have a nice time, and decide to keep the evening by going to a bar. We find one which still serves and share a biiig cocktail until the bar closes and we're still wondering what to do. As it's 4 am she says we can go to Montmartre watch the sun rising and I suggest we crash at my place as it was not to far and I had beers and cheese. She agreed on the cheese (french people, right ?)So we end at my place and we spend the night together, have a wonderful time and the next morning she has to leave to watch the world cup final with her friends. We kiss each other goodbye and go watch the game with my mates, France won, party all night, but I was exhausted after going out every day and staying late. I don't know what's the relationship status with Blonde but I know I wanna see her and that she wants it too, being tired I start to text Brunette less and she jokes about it but I starting to know her a little I sense there's something deeper than the jokes. My friend told me she was probably flirting while in my mind we were friends and as I reached the second base with Blonde, the case seemed to be settled.I'm supposed to see Brunette for a movie during the next week but she doesn't have the time (her 4 y o girl is with her) so I just end up seeing Blonde on a musical bar I like on Wednesday. At first we're a bit distant and my first attempts to reach her seem to provoke nothing, but as the music starts we get closer and we end up kissing and cuddling and stuff. We spent the night at the bar (it closes late) and started to talk about how we feel toward each other, we like to see each other and spending time together yet she doesn't want to label the relation (which is perfectly fine for me).The next day Brunette suggests we see each other as it has been a month since the first encounter, and there's once again a little disappointment in her in my lack of texting. We agree on seeing each other next Monday, which is today, and we cancelled as we're both tired (just came back from a week end in England) and I can see in the tone of her message there's once again this little disappointment in my lack of messages... Which I feel is due to my interest being a little bit lower now that I saw Blonde and that I wanna see her again and we may we onto something.There's a kind of unreliability that I can sense in Blonde which don't reassure me. I feel that something's missing with her, we have the same politic view, same music taste, she plays video game and she is super open minded, but I guess she didn't open to me like I'd like to and it blocks me a little. On the other hand, I quickly got to know Brunette and we quickly opened to each other which puts me in a comfort zone and give me more confidence to talk with her.It's like my heart (and my body) tells me to pick Blonde (short term, possible long term), and my brain would go for Brunette (long term). Brain could be okay with Blonde as we share to much in common but I'm afraid I want a stable relationship and that she's not looking for that. Also I don't wanna hurt Brunette as I feel that I was in her position and it's really not a nice situation to live...TL;DR : met 2 girls, one I like and have deep conversations and a interesting bond and the other one I saw several times in a short span, who I share a lot of things with and who I love spend time with but I seem to lack a connection with(I apologize for any mistake or spelling error, not used to write this much in English, thanks for your understanding! ) via /r/dating_advice

#dating #dating advice #reddit

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