#which is why ive forced myself to move on. for the betterment of society and myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-king-andthe-lionheart · 3 years

Text

So this is definitely in response to that certain dark section of our fandom (you know exactly who you are) who are throwing a fit about the Arya and Daenerys fandoms enjoying the possibility of a canon Daenarya friendship in the future. So let’s look at all the quotes that possibly foreshadow a future Arya and Dany friendship and put it into context.

It was very dark right now, she realized. She hugged her bare knees tight against her chest and shivered. She would wait quietly and count to ten thousand. By then it would be safe for her to come creeping back out and find her way home.

By the time she had reached eighty-seven, the room had begun to lighten as her eyes adjusted to the blackness. Slowly the shapes around her took on form. Huge empty eyes stared at her hungrily through the gloom, and dimly she saw the jagged shadows of long teeth. She had lost the count. She closed her eyes and bit her lip and sent the fear away. When she looked again, the monsters would be gone. Would never have been. She pretended that Syrio was beside her in the dark, whispering in her ear. Calm as still water, she told herself. Strong as a bear. Fierce as a wolverine. She opened her eyes again.

The monsters were still there, but the fear was gone.

Arya got to her feet, moving warily. The heads were all around her. She touched one, curious, wondering if it was real. Her fingertips brushed a massive jaw. It felt real enough. The bone was smooth beneath her hand, cold and hard to the touch. She ran her fingers down a tooth, black and sharp, a dagger made of darkness. It made her shiver.

"It's dead," she said aloud. "It's just a skull, it can't hurt me." Yet somehow the monster seemed to know she was there. She could feel its empty eyes watching her through the gloom, and there was something in that dim, cavernous room that did not love her. She edged away from the skull and backed into a second, larger than the first. For an instant she could feel its teeth digging into her shoulder, as if it wanted a bite of her flesh. Arya whirled, felt leather catch and tear as a huge fang nipped at her jerkin, and then she was running. Another skull loomed ahead, the biggest monster of all, but Arya did not even slow. She leapt over a ridge of black teeth as tall as swords, dashed through hungry jaws, and threw herself against the door. - Arya III AGOT

Here is the initial passage that has to do with dragons in Arya’s story. She comes across the dragon skulls in the dark and feels afraid of them. She feels as if the eyes of the skulls were watching her and did not like her. She also doesn’t recognize them for what they are. She initially refers to them as monsters, but later she comes to realize they are dragons:

This time the monsters did not frighten her. They seemed almost old friends. Arya held the candle over her head. With each step she took, the shadows moved against the walls, as if they were turning to watch her pass. "Dragons," she whispered. She slid Needle out from under her cloak. The slender blade seemed very small and the dragons very big, yet somehow Arya felt better with steel in her hand. - Arya IV AGOT

Now admittedly the first quote does sound like the foreshadowing could suggest antagonism between Arya and Dany, but the second quote doesn’t suggest this. Arya thinks of them as if they are old friends. That is the most notable sentence of the paragraph, not the fact that she slid Needle out. But when you actually look at this paragraph you actually see a duality here. The monsters did not frighten her. They seemed almost old friends. Yet she slides her blade out and feels better? So for me this quote just seems to foreshadow that Dany will be Arya’s friend, yet Arya will remain wary of her dragons like anyone naturally would be.

So putting these two quotes into context, it tells us that if Arya and Dany will meet they will initially be antagonistic and wary of each other (most Daenarya fans I’ve seen acknowledge this will likely be the case). However it also suggests that this wariness will eventually fade and they will become friends. Arya doesn’t need to think she is wholly safe from the dragons to have a friendship with Dany. EVERYONE is wary about the dragons, just like most people would be unsure and most likely afraid if they were in the same room as a large cat or a bear.

But this isn’t Arya’s only dragon connections in the narrative. Arya’s closest relationship is with Jon, who is half Targaryen. In Braavos Arya is fascinated by the courtesans and the Black Pearl in particular:

"The Black Pearl," she told them. Merry claimed the Black Pearl was the most famous courtesan of all. "She's descended from the dragons, that one," the woman had told Cat. "The first Black Pearl was a pirate queen. A Westerosi prince took her for a lover and got a daughter on her, who grew up to be a courtesan. Her own daughter followed her, and her daughter after her, until you get to this one [...] - Cat of the Canals AFFC

The woman with him could not have been more than a third his age. She was so lovely that the lamps seemed to burn brighter when she passed. She had dressed in a low-cut gown of pale yellow silk, startling against the light brown of her skin. Her black hair was bound up in a net of spun gold, and a jet-and-gold necklace brushed against the top of her full breasts. As they watched, she leaned close to the envoy and whispered something in his ear that made him laugh. "They should call her the Brown Pearl," Mercy said to Daena. "She's more brown than black."

"The first Black Pearl was black as a pot of ink," said Daena. "She was a pirate queen, fathered by a Sealord's son on a princess from the Summer Isles. A dragon king from Westeros took her for his lover."

"I would like to see a dragon," Mercy said wistfully. - Mercy TWOW

There is even foreshadowing that Arya will form a closer relationship with the Black Pearl in the future by becoming an apprentice for her so Arya can refine her highborn manners so it’s easier for the FM to place her into highborn society to do their work, because why not utilize a highborn girl in this way?

But also notice that Arya/Mercy is friends with a girl named “Daena” which is ridiculously close to the name Daenerys. And in the same conversation with Daena (Daenerys) Arya/Mercy also said she wished to see a dragon. And no this isn’t “Mercy’s” wish, this is Arya’s wish:

As Arya crossed the yard to the bathhouse, she spied a raven circling down toward the rookery, and wondered where it had come from and what message it carried. Might be it's from Robb, come to say it wasn't true about Bran and Rickon. She chewed on her lip, hoping. If I had wings I could fly back to Winterfell and see for myself. And if it was true, I'd just fly away, fly up past the moon and the shining stars, and see all the things in Old Nan's stories, dragons and sea monsters and the Titan of Braavos, and maybe I wouldn't ever fly back unless I wanted to. - Arya X ACOK

Doesn’t really sound like Arya hates dragons or have any issues regarding them. She wants to see them irregardless of any fear they may inspire within her that everyone would naturally have upon seeing a dragon.

Arya also expresses a wish to fly throughout her narrative and she also has wing symbolism in her arc:

If I was a crow I could fly down and peck off his stupid fat pouty lips. - Arya X ACOK

If I had wings I could fly back to Winterfell and see for myself. And if it was true, I'd just fly away, fly up past the moon and the shining stars, and see all the things in Old Nan's stories, dragons and sea monsters and the Titan of Braavos, and maybe I wouldn't ever fly back unless I wanted to. - Arya X ACOK

I wish I could change into a wolf and grow wings and fly away. - Arya XIII ASOS

She might be bald and skinny, but Mercy had a pretty smile, and a certain grace. Even Izembaro agreed that she was graceful. She was not far from the Gate as the crows flies, but for girls with feet instead of wings the way was longer. - Mercy TWOW

Also lets not forget how similar Arya and Dany are to each other and how many parallels they share. They are both lost princesses exiled and sent to Essos, specifically Braavos, after their father's deaths at the hands of Lannister's. They each know what it's like to be bought and sold and to be enslaved – Dany as a child bride and Arya as a child soldier. And they both have pretenders trying to take their claims. Both have been forced into becoming smallfolk, living in poverty and starved. And they both know what it's like to be hunted and scared. They adapt exceedingly well into other environments and cultures, and their morality and sense of justice are very attuned, as they seek to protect those that can not protect themselves. Very protective, they are both empathetic and maternal and care for the sick, ailing, and dying. Both of them are survivors and have both suffered abuse and sexual assault (more so for Dany, but it's still there). They are both clever and know how to manipulate people. They are both polyglots and both of their deepest desires are for home and family/pack. They both try to live up to the image of their older siblings (ie Sansa and Rhaegar). Arya is said to look and act like Lyanna and Daenerys is compared to Rhaegar by the people that knew him. They are both very close to their house sigils and even dream about them and the mystical beasts they both own. They both love horseback riding and they both have encountered mystical prophets. Wanted/considered becoming sailors and they both have fantastic people skills. Not to mention that it was Arya who said that the slaves should have killed the masters, while Dany is leading a slave uprising to overthrow and yes, execute the masters.

Dany is also not some “mad queen” and she does listen to the people who knew her father and Rhaegar. She is learning the truth about the monster her father was and learning to accept that. So there is no reason why Dany should continue to feel antagonistic towards the next generation of Stark’s for something they didn’t do.

I’ve also seen comments about how the fire devastation that is within Arya’s story must clearly mean “Dark Dany” and that Arya and Dany will be antagonistic towards each other in canon when they meet. I’m assuming these people are referring to the burning barn scene:

"You take her!" she yelled. "You get her out! You do it!" The fire beat at her back with hot red wings as she fled the burning barn. It felt blessedly cool outside, but men were dying all around her. She saw Koss throw down his blade to yield, and she saw them kill him where he stood. Smoke was everywhere. There was no sign of Yoren, but the axe was where Gendry had left it, by the woodpile outside the haven. As she wrenched it free, a mailed hand grabbed her arm. Spinning, Arya drove the head of the axe hard between his legs. She never saw his face, only the dark blood seeping between the links of his hauberk. Going back into that barn was the hardest thing she ever did. Smoke was pouring out the open door like a writhing black snake, and she could hear the screams of the poor animals inside, donkeys and horses and men. She chewed her lip, and darted through the doors, crouched low where the smoke wasn't quite so thick.

A donkey was caught in a ring of fire, shrieking in terror and pain. She could smell the stench of burning hair. The roof was gone up too, and things were falling down, pieces of flaming wood and bits of straw and hay. Arya put a hand over her mouth and nose. She couldn't see the wagon for the smoke, but she could still hear Biter screaming. She crawled toward the sound. - Arya IV ACOK

Arya rolled headfirst into the tunnel and dropped five feet. She got dirt in her mouth but she didn't care, the taste was fine, the taste was mud and water and worms and life. Under the earth the air was cool and dark. Above was nothing but blood and roaring red and choking smoke and the screams of dying horses. She moved her belt around so Needle would not be in her way, and began to crawl. A dozen feet down the tunnel she heard the sound, like the roar of some monstrous beast, and a cloud of hot smoke and black dust came billowing up behind her, smelling of hell. Arya held her breath and kissed the mud on the floor of the tunnel and cried. For whom, she could not say. - Arya IV ACOK

This chapter does not mean that Dany is going to go “evil” or “mad” and start burning stuff to the ground. You guys do remember that Dany has three dragons right? And that Dany is only the dragonrider to Drogon? That leaves two other possible dragons that could be stolen from Dany. We have Euron/Victarion who has the dragon binder horn and then we have Aegon who may or may not be able to claim one of those dragons for himself. There is also the possibility that Euron dies or Aegon dies and someone else will take their places as dragonriders via Targaryen blood or use of that horn. So besides Dany we have Aegon, Jon, Euron, and Tyrion who may all ride dragons within the story as they all have the proper set-up and foreshadowing for it to be a possibility. So why is it the automatic assumption that it will be Dany burning shit down?

Not to mention, wildfire has the same types of language used as the two quotes above:

And then some vast beast had let out a roar, and green flames were all around them: wildfire, pyromancer's piss, the jade demon [...] From bank to bank there was nothing but burning ships and wildfire. The sight of it seemed to stop his heart for a moment, and he could still remember the sound of it, the crackle of flames, the hiss of steam, the shrieks of dying men, and the beat of that terrible heat against his face as the current swept him down toward hell. - Davos I ASOS

So considering there not only is there a ton of foreshadowing that it will be Cersei who destroys King’s Landing with wildfire, but also there is foreshadowing that Jon Connington will do something incredibly drastic to win and keep the Iron Throne for Aegon. And may I remind the audience that the fires Arya went through and experienced in the Riverlands had zero to do with Dany. They were the direct result of the Lannisters.

So if Arya IV ACOK is foreshadowing a future fire she is stuck in, there is no evidence that the fire will be caused by Dany nor that the fire is dragonfire. And if you are going to point out the show as evidence, let me tell you something, go to the youtuber The Dragon Demands and watch his videos dissecting everything about the scene of Dany burning King’s Landing by using the script, listening to BtS content, looking at the storyboards, actually noting that a scene of Cersei looking out the window, depicting her watching people put barrels of wildfire on the battlements, etc. Because the compilation he makes proves that Dany burning KL the way that she did in 8x05 was a last minute change. It was supposed to be an accidental wildfire explosion before they changed it so they could justify Jon killing her. But I’m sure even with the evidence you’ll still cling to the idea of Dark!Dany because you are incredibly insecure about your fictitious ship and your blatant mischaracterization of your favorite “pure as the driven snow /s” character, because there is literally nothing in the books that foreshadows Dany going “mad” or “dark”. So why don’t you take your jealousies about Daenerys and Arya and the very possible Daenarya friendship somewhere else.

#arya stark #daenerys targaryen #asoiaf

111 notes · View notes

penfullofwordsaheadfullofstories · 4 years

Text

No Matter How Many Skies Have Fallen

A/N: I really have nothing to say for myself at this point.

Sequel chapter to this fic here, if you’d like to catch up.

Thank you to @caffeine-in-an-iv for being my incredible beta and to @maybege for letting me rant to you and giving me so many wonderful ideas when I hit my walls. Also to the Obi-Wan fandom in general: Y’all are some of the kindest, most supportive people I’ve ever encountered on this hell site. Thank you for your support and your content!

Pairing: Obi-Wan Kenobi x Force Sensitive! Fem! Reader (no Y/N)

Word Count: 11.9K (I lost all control)

Warnings: SMUT!!! Soft Dom! Obi rights, Also, Sub! Obi vibes, Foodplay (but not how you’d think), Inappropriate use of the Force, Voice Kink, Obi-Wan Kenobi’s Hands Appreciation Society, As Usual: Too Many Feelings For Porn, Emotional Competence Kink, Trust Kink, TW: Pregnancy, TW: A character draws blood on themself unknowingly

Title from one of my favorite quotes:

“Ours is essentially a tragic age, so we refuse to take it tragically. The cataclysm has happened, we are among the ruins, we start to build up new little habitats, to have new little hopes. It is rather hard work: there is now no smooth road into the future: but we go round, or scramble over the obstacles. We’ve got to live, no matter how many skies have fallen.”

-D.H. Lawrence

What infinite irreverence the galaxy has for Obi-Wan Kenobi.

As if his master and only semblance of a parent wasn’t taken from him when he needed him most.

As if a boy who needed a father wasn’t entrusted to Obi-Wan quickly following, far too young and full of his own loss.

As if he wasn’t thrust onto the pedestal of parenthood when he really only wanted to be a brother.

As if that isn’t what they became anyway, and as if that wasn’t the exact cloud that hung over the atmosphere of your lives ever since you’d arrived on Tatooine.

As if the being whose life signature resided in your abdomen didn’t throw a punch into each of those blooming bruises by its very existence.

Which is why, you knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that you couldn’t tell him yet.

Normally, it’d be no small feat to keep something of this scale from him. But these days, he’s so focused on having his shields up around you, keeping you from both being hurt by or helping with his torments.

You have to take great care to control your body language, because even when he’s shut off from you in the Force, his keen perceptiveness will pick up on something being off anyway.

The art of a convincing lie is having layers. If he senses your feelings and decides to dig, then only give up one layer, and he’ll stop looking.

In this case, it’s your worry over him. It is true you’re trying to shield him from feeling that, not wanting him to carry the burden of it on top of having to work through his own pain.

But it’s not everything you’re trying to hide from him. So you let a small projection of your fear over his well-being escape, like you’re losing control of your feelings. It’s enough to convince him, and something critical inside you dies at the victory every time.

He deserves your honesty, and you’ve never given him anything less until now.

You hate how well your strategic deceit takes root. Because only part is due to your talent as a liar. The rest comes from how much he trusts you.

You’re not stupid, though. You know it’s only a matter of time before the biological changes in your body betray you.

Obi-Wan said he needed time, and you’re going to give him as long as you possibly can before dropping this anvil on him, hoping the further he gets from it all, the better off he’ll be.

You could kick yourself for not being more careful. You hadn’t missed any dose of your herbal Ho’Din contraceptive. It was one of the few things you shoved in your bag with the mere minutes you had to leave Coruscant for good. It was from a reliable medicinal shop, and there’s no good reason it should have failed in any way.

But here you were anyway.

Of course, there are options that free you from the obligation of carrying the child to term. All are expensive, and Tatooine is sorely lacking in any trustworthy medical facilities. The alternative methods could put your own life in danger as well.

Even if it wasn’t, you’d feel so strange making that kind of decision without Obi-Wan. Not that he wouldn’t support whatever decision you needed to make for yourself if you did, but going behind his back is something you’re not sure his trust could recover from.

And really, far too much has been decided for him in his life.

The worst reason why you can’t bring yourself to move towards any solution that ends the pregnancy now, the reason you abhor, is because somewhere within you, despite the awfulness of the time and place, you want this baby.

You couldn’t give a definitive explanation for yourself, but you did. Undoubtedly

Obi-Wan doesn’t press when you ask to cease your combat training for a time, asking to start learning the new offerings of the Jedi texts instead.

He’s concerned when you tell him, but if he’s suspicious as for your reasoning, he doesn’t show it outwardly, at least.

The way he doesn’t even ask about why, though: It makes you wonder if he had a reason all of his own why he’d rather not fight, even in imitation.

The Jedi writings given to Obi-Wan by Master Yoda are often more cryptic and mystifying than logically applicable without deciphering, which you are at first annoyed by, but then strangely thankful for, as Obi-Wan verbally processes his understandings of it, knowing what he does of the Jedi way, and you adding your thoughts from the stance of fresh eyes.

The conversations distract wonderfully, and you savor any way you still get to connect with him.

You don’t push for the ways he doesn’t allow you to connect with him anymore. The way he won’t let you in his mind. Because now, you too have a reason to not let him in yours.

*******

When it’s time to go into town for supplies again, you make up some feeble excuse which you know Obi-Wan sees through as a lie, and this time, he does pry, eyes soft and concerned. He knows you love going to the markets. You simply explain that you’re tired, which is true enough to satisfy him, leaving you behind with a kiss on your forehead before you watch him saddle up your eopie and ride off.

You sigh, sagging against the closed door once he’s disappeared into the horizon. You do love the markets. They’re the most colorful thing the planet has to offer, textiles and rugs and shiny, hanging things.

But the spices. Fragrant and potent, usually so appetizing and intoxicating, you know would turn your stomach alone. And that doesn’t even account for the strange meats being cooked at different vendors, and Maker help you if anyone was selling raw meat of any sort today. You’ve done your best to keep your nausea at bay, at times even tapping into the Force for centering when the world felt like it was rocking. But you know the market would be too much, too many variables.

It’s not a fast journey, even on the eopie, and you don’t expect Obi-Wan to be back for hours. Which is why when you hear a knock on your door, the tool in your hand clatters to the floor, as does the remnants of your project.

You quickly grab one of the long staffs you and Obi-Wan had only begun to use in your defense training, trying to recall the lessons as adrenaline begins to rush through your veins. Tatooine isn’t known for its pleasant company, and if anyone was going to try to rob your home, now would be as good a time as any.

The knock sounds again, and you shout from the inside, “What do you want?!”

“A peace treaty in the form of baked goods,” comes the feminine voice, one you recognize.

Opening the door, you lower the weapon in your hand as Beru Lars blinks at you.

“I’m sorry, I thought you were…” You step aside, gesturing for her to come in.

She waves a hand, dismissive. “I understand.”

You lead her over to the small living area as you fix two glasses of water from the kitchen.

When you set them down on the table, Beru speaks. “I apologize for the intrusion, if there was another way of contacting you before coming here…”

“It’s absolutely fine, I’m glad to have you.” You smile in what you hope is an assuring way. “Although, I’m surprised at it just being you. Where’s Owen?”

Her eyes flick to the stone floor. “He um… doesn’t exactly know I’m here. He’s out on a business deal today.”

You feel your eyebrows go up at that, waiting for her to continue. But instead, she changes the subject. “Where’s Ben?”

“In town. We needed some things from the market.”

Awkwardness settles in as a conversation topic evades you.

She breaks the beat of quiet. “Here, I brought these for you.”

You take the basket in her hands from her, peeling back the thick woven cloth to reveal a simple form of bread. It looks so appetizing your stomach clenches, and you instantly realize you haven’t had anything since breakfast.

But then the smell hits you, hard and powerful, and stars, it’s just bread, there’s nothing that should do that about bread, but you’re on your feet in a minute, forsaking the basket on the ground as you bolt to the fresher, barely making it in time to the sonic sink before you start heaving.

In a moment, you feel soft hands at the nape of your neck, gently holding back the fabric of your shirt and blowing cool air as you continue to wretch.

By the time everything has settled again, you’ve dealt with the aftertaste in your mouth, and splashed on your face with a precious cup of cool water, hot shame rises in your cheeks at how this must seem to Beru.

You wipe at your face with a rag, half muffling your words when you address her. “I’m so sorry, I’m sure they’re absolutely delicious, It really has nothing to do…”

“How far along are you?”

Your spine straightens instantly, and you let the cloth drop to the floor.

“I… what?”

Now she’s the one to flush. “My apologies, it’s just that it’s known for being a very gentle bread, it’s one my mother used to feed me when my stomach ached. If that smell turned you... I just assumed, and I shouldn’t have.”

Your lips purse as you consider your options. It’d be easy to say nothing, or just to nod.

“Two months,” you hear your own voice answer despite yourself. You’ve never been one for easy anyway.

A surge of emotion wells up in you at even being able to speak it aloud, aloud to another human, and next thing you know, to your absolute horror, you’re crying into your hands as your shoulders crumple in on themselves.

Why now, of all times? In front of Beru Lars? Whom you know accepted Luke with her husband without question because they couldn’t biologically have any children of their own?

“I’m… so… sorry,” You manage to choke out through the sobs, disgusted at your own lack of control.

At some point Beru must join you on the floor, patting her hand soothingly on your back. “Shhh, it’ll be alright. You’ll see. It’s not so bad having a young one around, you and Ben have so much to look forw…”

“He doesn’t know.”

Her hand pausing briefly on your back is the only indication she gives of shock.

“Would he not be happy?”

You take a steadying breath in, trying to calm yourself. “I don’t know,” you whisper, small and almost frightened to let the room hear you say it.

It falls silent again, but it echoes around in your brain, bouncing against your thoughts until you feel the onset of a headache.

After you’re to a numb enough state to enjoy yourself, you and Beru make tea and bring it back to the living area.

She lifts her glass to yours, clinking them. “To secrets kept from men and the mischievous company they bring.”

Your head now throbs with pain, but you smile anyway. “Thank you,” you say to her, and you mean it so very much.

********

The next time Obi-Wan goes into town, you’re feeling well enough to go with him.

You’re not visiting the food portion of the market, after all, so you’re not as much of a risk to set your stomach off. He’s taken to fixing small machinery for trading with the Jawas recently, the extra income helping with the projects around the house.

There’s a trap door that you found within the first day of being there. The staircase carved out of the bedrock beneath the hut leads to a small room that has now served as additional storage and a place for Obi-Wan to work. It’s also quite cool during the day, so if you can stand the smell of the various meats hung to dry, you’ll sit down there with some sort of project, or even reading material if you come upon it.

So today, he’s looking for a few specific tools that will streamline his working.

It doesn’t take long to find a promising stall among the maze of shopkeepers, selling everything from trinkets to weaponry of questionable legality. Obi-Wan finds what he needs easily enough, and it looks like the trip is going to be as efficient as it is successful as you walk through alleyways with him.

At some point, he takes your hand in his, squeezing it gently, projecting an assuring strand of affection toward you. It’s such a small gesture, but you’ll never tire of the feeling of his hand clasped in yours.

You’re almost back to where the eopie, Rooh, as he named her, is stabled when Obi-Wan abruptly slows his pace, dropping into a stall. An alarm goes off in your head when you watch him pick up a frivolous trinket on a table that you know he has no interest in.

You open your mouth to inquire at his actions, but it answers itself once you see him glance out of his peripheral vision to where the holonews plays in the stall adjacent.

Battle footage on what you recognized to be Kashyyk at the presence of the many Wookies plays with the Emperor addressing the viewers in a very two-dimensional, sugar-coated, thinly-concealed threat to any other world that would try to resist occupation.

There’s wreckage and uncensored violence, and you turn your head away.

“May it be known that Lord Vader is quite capable and willing to help those into compliance that require assistance... “

The item in his hands crushes, ceramic tile cracking into his hands, breaking the skin and drawing out drips of red.

But he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t even seem to register the glass he’s pushing into his own hand. His eyes are wide and he makes a wounded noise from the back of his throat, eyes peeled to the holonews now, not even trying to feign disinterest.

His signature sparks, giving a flash and then a severe cry of anguish, and it hits you then. Pieces of information coming together as you feel Obi-Wan tear apart at seams.

Anakin Skywalker turned to the Dark Side, and Obi-Wan thought him dead. There’s a new Sith Lord now; the correlation and timing can’t be coincidence.

The Toydarian male behind the stall shouts something about paying for it in full, and you quickly hand over the credits with a glare.

You start to pull Obi-Wan’s other hand off the table, but you quickly realize your mistake in that.

The moment it isn’t holding his weight anymore, his knees start to give, and you’ve only a second to react, jamming your body under his arm to keep him upright. His momentum nearly pulls you forward, but you plant your feet and remember at the last second to call on the Force to assist you.

He seems to come to himself enough to walk somewhat as you steer him to the nearest alley away from the vendors.

He braces a hand on the stone wall, but even it isn’t enough as he drops to his knees. He doesn’t even seem to have the will to stand.

Crouching beside him, you place one of your hands on his chest.

“I…. I…” The tremor in his usually so crisp wording and steady voice crushes your chest, making it hard to breathe. “I failed him. I failed him.”

“Obi-Wan,” you start, trying to grasp at anything, everything to comfort him, not even thinking of how you can’t call him that here, even if there’s no one in sight.

If he registers your call, he doesn’t let on, continuing in his whispers to the wall. “He was burning. Burning, but I couldn’t do it. It would have been mercy to kill him, it was my mandate to do it, but I could not...” his voice gives out on the last word, and his shoulders fall forward in a shuddering inhale that transforms into a cut-short sob on its exhale.

“And now…” as the words pour from him, his shields fall, and so do the floodgates on his emotions, and it takes all the training you know to not be washed away in the torrential current of his grief. Does he even know he’s doing it, or has the insurmountable weight of his burden finally overridden his innate control over them?

“I’ve sentenced him to a fate worse than death.” He’s only barely choked out the end of his thought before his shoulders start to shake in earnest and he crumples in on himself as he begins to weep for his brother.

Giving no heed to the odd angle, you throw your arms around him. Trying to get your arms around his body is exactly the embodiment of the feeling of the moment, this anguish you don’t even begin to be enough to cover.

What could you say? What could you do? What would even begin to…

When you press your fingers to his temple, it’s light, a show of how unforced this is, how much he can say no if he needs. Because this isn’t for you. No, it’d be so much easier to not know the exact depth of his pain and rip your chest open with that knowledge. But you’re offering it, meaning it absolutely, desperate for him to take the hand offered to him. “Please let me in. Don’t do this alone. Let me…”

Then he’s pulling you in, not just letting you come in yourself, clinging to you like a person drowning. You remember to steady, to try to keep your own head above the water as wave after surging, overpowering wave of soul-crippling agony like you’ve never felt it engulf you in their surge.

You can’t hold out against it no matter how hard you try, so you refocus from centering yourself to pulling his signature into yours as you wrap your arms tighter around his torso.

And you begin to weep with him.

*********

The suns are drifting low by the time both of you have any intelligible thought, far too late to start the journey back to the hut.

At the inn, as Obi-Wan falls into the beginnings of a restless sleep, a thought emerges, clear and crisp in its awful truth.

You cannot tell him for a long while still.

*******

It’s different now. Because when he wakes in the night, he doesn’t give you falsehoods you see right through. He lets you into the terror and distortional dreams that all reside over one theme.

There’s silence in the first days after. Just silent tears and still embraces and the way time seems to freeze when grief is at its worst.

But then he starts talking. It comes in little pieces, then in larger ones.

The loudest thing his signature screams is guilt.

You tell him how it isn’t his fault, how Anakin is responsible for his own choices, but he just gives you a new reason every time as to why it is his fault, how he could have stopped it.

Because even in what he considers his worst failure, his verbiage is indicative of how it’s not his own image and pride hurting that he’s even considered. All of his thoughts, all of them, are on what Anakin needed that he didn’t give.

At first, it’s just impressions from his mind, unsorted, blurry thoughts and feelings, but it eventually begins to become words.

“After his mother died… I know that he blamed me. How couldn’t he? He told me of his dreams, dreams he knew were foresights, but I dismissed them, multiple times, at that. And the council… advised me against comforting him, but he… I… I did anyway.” His shoulders are forward, body sagging with unsureness that doesn’t fit him right in the slightest. “But it was far too late. I know there was something pivotal about the death of his mother, and I am...” he hesitates, seemingly not because he doesn’t know what to speak, but because he does. “Terrified. Terrified it’s all because I didn’t validate him sooner. If I had not...” His voice breaks off, as he shuts his eyes.

Fear is not something admired by the Jedi, you know. When he speaks of his own emotions, he speaks them like he’s confessing them.

And as he confesses and confesses, you comfort where you can, cry with him when you cannot.

*****

The swells of sorrow ebb and flow in their intense bursts and receding stillness, and despite the moments of not being able to breathe under the weight of it, there are miniscule, almost violating, hysterical intervals where smiles and life spring to the surface, gasping for air.

Or in this case, the inexplicable desire to dance.

You don’t even really know when you start, simply going about cleaning clothing in the sonic washer, and the next, some ridiculous, repetitive tune sweeps you to move your hips and feet, uncoordinated and graceless. The tune itself played from a datachip, scrapped with some pieces Obi-Wan was repurposing to make repairs. You’re not even familiar with the type of music, and it’s hardly the type of music you’d normally choose, but you find that today, it’s an improvement on the quiet that falls upon the house as Obi-Wan works outdoors.

The song swings into a bridge, and you slide across the stone floor, imitating something you saw in a music holo years ago, as you do, your foot catches on the rug you recently added, sending you fumbling for your footing. You eventually catch it before you fall, but as you look up, you decide to lower yourself to the ground anyway at the sight of Obi-Wan, leaning up against the door frame, watching you with an amused expression, the fingers of one hand tracing between his lips and chin.

You sit splayed as tactless and gangly as you danced and let out a short, startled laugh.

“Please, don’t stop on my account. I was quite enjoying myself.”

Maker, could you just hide under the rug you tripped over? “Please tell me you haven’t been standing there long.”

He pushes off his lean on the wall, crossing the room to you. “I won’t tell you lies, my love.”

Shame twists in your gut at his words, chasing the laughter in your throat away. But Obi-Wan extends a hand down, and you take it, letting him draw you to your feet.

He kisses the back of your hand before taking it in his, extending the clasp out to the side of your bodies as his other hand rests hot on the small of your waist.

“But I will join you, if you don’t mind a style change.”

“I don’t know how to dance like this,” you say, factually.

“Then allow me to teach you.” When you look in his eyes, they’re lined with the etches of heartache still, but there’s something else too, brimming to the surface.

“What, to this music?” You give your last, unconvincing protest.

He simply drops his forehead to yours, and the small sounds of the room fade to white as a sweet, moving melody replaces it. It’s not perfectly clear, and it takes a moment to realize that it’s because it’s coming from Obi-Wan’s memory.

The music has a distant, foggy quality, and it has potential to be eerie, but instead, it just lifts you into an ethereal feeling.

He steps, and your feet follow, not as graceful, but he makes it easy for you, the steps hinted out in his thoughts before taking them in actuality.

When you start to feel confident enough in the movements, you look up at him. “Does this mean I can teach you my dances next?”

He laughs, laughs, unabashed and with no emotion harbored under it, and some torn piece of your heart mends at the sound.

“Certainly not.”

You laugh too, even at the thought of him trying. The laugher rolls into a smooth quiet, and you let yourself bask in the feel of his body against yours, the press of his hand on your back as you rest your cheek against him.

Obi-Wan cradles you to him, forsaking the pattern of the dance as he encompasses you in his arms, lowering his lips to your cheek, then your mouth in a blazing kiss.

He takes your hand in his, lifting it above your head. Then you’re guided into a spin, and the room spins double with it as you abandon all endeavors of trying to get the dance correct. Your hand drops protectively to your belly before you can even think better of it, and by the time you know you’re not going to throw up, it’s too late. You already feel Obi-Wan’s unmistakable concern right before he asks, “What’s wrong?” extending an arm out toward you.

His complexion is ashen with worry, and when you don’t respond, you feel him start to reach out to your mind; a spike of panic zaps down your spine, and you’re suddenly not sure you’re not going to throw up after all.

Your shields crash down, not enough time for subtlety, and he retracts both his hand and inquiring tendril of energy as hurt and confusion shape his features.

You can’t do this. You can’t keep up this facade or cover this moment with a lie you know he’ll see through. But you can’t tell him either. After all the weight he’s carrying, the weight of the being that grows in you should be yours alone. You can’t thrust that upon him.

But it’s a delusion that you can keep this from him forever. You’re going to hurt him one way or another, and the weight of your silence and lies multiply every day you insulate him from the truth.

You take in a shuddering breath as dread settles into your bones. You know what you have to do.

Even as you slowly lower your shields, opening your signature, your mind screams at you in opposite directions, ripping you in half, and your hand shoots out to the nearest wall to stabilize yourself. How could you be so sadistic to tell him this? How could you not tell him? After all the trust you have in each other?

But he doesn’t take the invitation. “I will not touch your mind if you are still unsure you want me to,” he says softly but resolutely as he approaches you, but stays an unthreatening distance away, as if approaching a frightened animal.

No, no, no. You won’t have him being the one to sturdy you through this. You need to be strong, be ready, don’t force him to coddle you through the blast to his own chest.

So you dial down your own emotions and switch your absorption to amplifying the still tiny, barely recognizable life you’ve been carefully censoring ever since you heard it yourself.

You want to close your eyes, blockade the pain of both how it impacts him and how it will impact you, but that’s not how you two do things.

Summoning every iota of bravery and resolve running in your veins, you force yourself to look up at him as you watch understanding coat him.

His eyes go wide, and his hands clench and flex at his sides in an erratic, nervous pattern.

You can’t keep your signature open to his mind’s reaction, you just can’t. He’s seen enough, and you can put your shields up again. His face is enough to confront all on its own.

Obi-Wan steps toward you, slowly, dazed in a completely uncharacteristic way. With the way he seems to ever be prepared for the blows life throws at him, you hate how you have to be the harbinger for the second one that’s knocked him off his feet.

When he stops in front of you, he places his hands on either of your shoulders and looks into your eyes, searching for confirmation, and you nod, trying to not let fear seep into your expression.

One of his hands covers his mouth as he takes it in.

And then he’s sinking in front of you, off of his feet indeed, and onto his knees. You want to follow, ready to hold him through the heartache sure to follow, at the second child he didn’t ask for while he still grieves the loss of the first.

But his hands instead take purchase on your stomach, tightening the fabric of your tunic around the barely-visible bump before bunching it up and lifting, just enough so he can tilt his forehead against the skin there.

You can feel him reaching out, not taking him long at all to find what he’s searching for, and curiosity beats self-preservation at the last moment, prompting you to open your mind again, just for you to be able to catch elation coursing through Obi-Wan.

You don’t even bother trying to stifle your confusion as he looks up at you with glassy eyes.

Sinking to your knees to meet him, you take his face in your hands, trying to make sense of it all as he takes your hand in his. “I never... “ when his voice comes out unsteady, he clears his throat and tries again. “I never thought I’d have... That we could… didn’t occur to me that now...stars above, how long have you known?”

You don’t recall when you start crying, but tears are falling freely down your cheeks as you shake your head. “I’m so sorry. I… I would never want to keep something like this from you, Obi-Wan, but I couldn’t tell you, not with everything, not with all you already have…and i’m so sorry.”

“Oh, heavens, no. You should not have to do this alone. Please don’t keep things from me, even if you think it to be for my sake. We can…”

You fix him with a pointed, unamused stare. He exhales as he must notice his hypocrisy.

“Your point is well-put and taken, but the sentiment still stands. We’ll not keep secrets from each other anymore. Do we have an accord?”

Despite it all, you smile at his overly-formal phrasing, something you’d normally have a quip about if it weren’t for the concern still nagging at you.

“Are you not angry then? Or disappointed?” you watch him carefully, praying to any deity listening that he doesn’t concoct some half truth to placate you. His first instinct is always to protect, but you’d never want it at expense of his authenticity.

Bafflement marks his brow at first, then he takes your face in his hands. “Darling, no.” He says your name, gathering every bit of your attention. “I dreamt of you. During the war, when I was away. I did not sleep well, even then, but when I did, I’d sometimes dream of you, holding a child that I knew to be ours. When I woke, I would remember it so vividly, so painfully, because I never thought that was an attainable future for us.”

But that doesn’t need to matter if you… do you want this child?” His eyes are so full of hope, and it was the last thing you expected, but here he is laying it down on the altar of your preference, and maker, are you glad those two things aren’t opposing each other.

Because his hope and yours are one in the same, and once he knows it too, at your whispering, choked, “yes,” he’s clutching you in his arms.

And for the second time in a month, you’re both huddled on the ground in tears. The first, bowing under the mass of catastrophe. Now, at the glowing relief of the sprouting of a dream sown in tears, too tender before to even say aloud.

But now? You’re saying it, back and forth, from him to you as your walls fall, permitting him into your mind as he welcomes you into his, and finally you take true comfort once again in the home you’ve built in each other.

*******

The night after, you lie side by side, hand in hand, on a blanket splayed not far from the hut. The suns have sunken, but the pinks and oranges of their palette still paint the sky where it hasn’t yet turned to midnight cobalt. The light of the lantern gives off a similar hue, dousing everything in your reach in soft, warm hues.

It has taken Obi-Wan some convincing, being so out in the open with everything he had to worry about wasn’t his first choice, but you compromised for a small alcove in the rock formations which surrounded you on two sides. More easily defensible. Not that he needed it, but if he was cautious before, it was borderline unbearable now. With the added danger of the Empire knowing without doubt that he lived. With more than ever to lose.

So, he was in charge of safety, you were in charge of snacks. And if they so happened to be almost entirely comprised of those melons you couldn’t quite get enough of lately? That was no one’s business except yours. You brought a few things you knew Obi-Wan liked too, of course.

What little remains of the miscellaneous spread you push to the edge of the blanket so you can both lie down.

“I dare say it’s almost pleasant out tonight.”

You turn your head to him, a snort ready at him discussing the weather of all things, but it instead forms a cloud in your throat at the sight of him.

His eyes are closed, hair rustling in the slight evening breeze, a tranquil ease over his profile.

The small patches of grey in the part of his beard next to his ears catch the first glints of moonlight in a way the rest of his hair doesn’t, giving them away.

The mellisonant lowness of his voice brings you back to yourself, cheeks heating.

“I can feel you staring, little one.” He opens his eyes, leisurely rolling to his side. “Some say it’s quite impolite.” Slanting over you, he lifts a brow, daring your response.

“And is that a problem?” You look up at him through your eyelashes, feigning innocence.

Obi-Wan’s gaze follows back up to the stars, as he plays right along, pretending to have to think on it. “I suppose it depends.”

“On?”

“On whether or not you allow me to return the impropriety,” he responds with a coy smile, moving back to you, so close now you can feel his exhales on your cheek.

Warmth blooms through you as you answer back, “You can always look, Obi-Wan.” You lift yourself to close the short distance between your face and his, pressing your lips together, which he deepens right away. Using the hand not supporting half his body off of you still, he fans out his fingers across your belly, towing the line between caressing gently and clutching protectively.

You pull your lips back from his as an uninvited slither of insecurity slips into your chest.

He senses it, of course, so you speak before he even needs to ask. “Are you really, truly, certain this is what you want? Now? I don’t want you to just say so because…and we could wait, we have...”

“I am,” he says, adamantly, before you even have a chance to finish. His eyes flash to the side. “I…” He rolls back onto his back, looking straight up as he talks seemingly half to you, half to himself. “There is not much I know for certain these days. Some days… I scarcely can remember who I am anymore.”

He turns his eyes back to you, unwavering. “There are seldom few things I haven’t questioned of late, and my love for you isn’t one of them. And from the moment I’ve known, from the very first instant you let me feel the life within you, my love for them hasn’t been one either.”

Your thoughts split into two, one wanting to lean into it, to take him for his word that’s always true, and the other cautioning you, telling you to keep distant and watch for the surface level honesty he gives that hides the brutal one he safeguards you from.

But you’re not hiding anymore, feelings unconcealed in your energy and on your face, so he leans back into you, grasping your arm in his hand, squaring your shoulders to him. You cringe at yourself when you know he’s heard the impression of you questioning. It’s redundant, but self-doubt always is. “Know, please know, my darling.” Taking your hand in his, he brings it up to his temple with an insistence that you have no desire to counter.

And it’s there. Right there and sparking in its clarity, right at the threshold of his mind as you enter it. How much he means his words, no holds barred, no cleverly crafted glazes to an unly underbelly of reality. His reality was this, how severely he craves starting a family with you. How much he already loves the being within you, how he looks forward to the day he gets to hold them in his arms.

The fear is there too, quiet, but not kept from you. The fear of failing as a father, unsure of assuming any role that resembled a mentor again, all-too-familiar with the ghost that will float over him in every lesson he teaches.

What shocks you there is his faith in you. In how much he’s already learned from you about the impact of open affection, in how you don’t let your feelings lead you, but you let them breathe, not suffocate them. It’s part of how he even can acknowledge his fears to himself and to you without berating himself under the too-simple phrase “fear leads to the dark side.” There’s truth in it, but also inaccuracy.

Because he’s afraid, and yet, there is so much light in the acknowledging of it to himself, and in that very act, it loses much of any power it could have had over him. Oh, how deeply he wishes he could have articulated that understanding to Anakin.

The pain is fresh, but so is his anticipation for the future, swirling together in a potent drink, and his throat bobs with the effort to swallow them down simultaneously.

He knows you’ll help ground him through it, he trusts you, even in his uncertainty in himself.

It breaks your heart but also warms it: the knowledge that he lets you into that place where he keeps the questions of himself, the place only you and the man who’s caused most of this doubt have been permitted.

With a thankful short farewell, you part from his mind as you know exactly what you want to do.

The remains of your snacks still rest on the edge of the blanket, including the shells of the deep purple-pigmented melons. The one draw-back to their delightful taste was how badly they stained your fingers. You had to break them into tiny pieces, plopping them into your mouth without allowing them to touch your lips unless you wanted your mouth to stain too.

But right now? The staining quality was just what you needed.

Although first you needed a blank canvas.

“May I take your tunics off?” you ask, sitting up.

Despite a short twitch of confusion and then interest, Obi-Wan follows, raising himself up into a kneel, slightly lifting his arms in compliance.

The paleness of his skin catches all the light of the lantern, highlighting your view as you slowly slide the fabric up and off, gliding your hands up the line of hair dipping below his navel as it becomes more exposed. It grants you a quiet, steep intake of breath from him and you suddenly give halt momentarily, distracted by the alluring appetite you’ve created.

No, you won’t give in. Not yet. He needs to know this.

You take one of the broken pieces of melon rind in your hand, where little tart bits of the fruit still cling, dribbling pigment, but before your finger makes contact with the taut skin of his chest, you pull back at the realization you might have bitten off more than you can chew.

How do you even begin to describe him? Obi-Wan is so many things at once, so many attributes, and every descriptor that comes to mind falls blatantly short of him.

Then you recall Obi-Wan going through the motions of Alchaka, watching his body fight to maintain the poses at times. Being such a personal practice, you felt honored that he let you see him go through the exercises, and even more honored that he opened up to you about the purpose behind it later. It was an exercise of both physicality and Force use, and the goal was absolute exhaustion. That was the destination. Trying, knowing from the start that he’ll fall short in the end, but doing it all the same. Because there’s so, so much to be said for the trying.

So you do. You bring the messy fingertip to his clavicle, smearing the first word you know to absolutely be true of him, as if starting the premise with a whisper of I know you’re even more than the sum all of these singular praises.

The word “complex” appears in your penmanship on his skin as you drag it to life. You look up to his eyes, and his curiosity is clear there, but also so is the tenderness that is elemental to any time he looks at you. And just like that, you have your next word.

Kind.

And at the way he flushes so lovely for you at that?

Beautiful.

You feel his protest before you see it, the objection in his signature, and you know you’re going to have to switch methods.

Just then, a droplet from where you’ve written the last word on his pectoral falls, down, down, threatening toward the hem of his trousers, but you’re fast, dropping your mouth down and catching it all on your tongue before it can stain the bleached beige of his remaining clothing.

When his stubborn revolt at the affirmation quiets in his mind in exchange for a flash of searing lust, you know exactly how you’re going to continue.

Because Obi-Wan Kenobi, general, warrior, negotiator, Jedi Master, legend, has rarely ever been affirmed as such, and he squirms under the thick blanket of his humility and deprivation anytime someone endeavors.

So you need his mind to be preoccupied enough, guards down low enough, so he can even hear the message get through.

When you place your hands over his waistband, locking eyes in inquiry, stopping when he hesitates, scanning the area around you, vigilant as always. Overly so now.

“We’re alone. And wouldn’t you be able to sense it if we weren’t?”

He looks down at you as he answers. “If I stay mindful enough to do so, yes.”

Good, he’ll be even less prone to fight you if he has some of his mind sensing outward.

You look back up at him with the facial equivalent of asking “well?” to which Obi-Wan sighs in response. “Very well then.”

With your familiarity with ridding him of clothing, it only takes moments before you can finally taste him where you want to, where he’s already hard and swollen for you.

You know you won’t be able to take him as much as you want, a recently-developed overactive gag reflex preventing you. But it just so happens to be convenient tonight, as the resulting taunt should have him right where you want him.

A gentle kiss, right to the head of his cock is all the warning you give him before taking the whole tip in your mouth, swirling your tongue around him, pulling a choked hum deep from his throat.

Oh, oh, Maker, have you done a grand miscalculation, because you forgot an entire factor in this equation: the way you have been borderline hysterical in hunger for him.

You’ve kept so much from him, and part of how you’ve even managed is starting to convince yourself of less than fact. Facts like how many times you’ve had to change underthings recently, physical evidence of desire unwilling to comply to your head’s demands. Facts like how you’ve literally had to bite your finger to keep the feelings at bay.

You’d expected changes in your body even before your belly grew, but this was one you hadn’t anticipated. In some ways, it wasn’t that different than usual. You never knew you could want someone with the breadth that you want Obi-Wan.

But this? Of late? It feels like it’s been amplified tenfold.

You’re not keeping any cards close to your chest anymore, but you do have to ignore your own body’s screaming cries as you complete this.

He needs to know.

Nerves still serenading his brain with feedback, you re-wet your finger with the purple juice and write the next words across his abdomen.

Wise.

Perceptive.

He’s caught on to your scheme by now, cued by the all-too appropriate addition of the last word, and he lets you know it, an impression projected, speechless but still unobstructed. He’s still powerless against it. Or rather, letting himself be powerless. Trusting you with the control he has left, trusting you in his vulnerable places. The places where he’s weak.

Strong.

The word spread over his right upper arm, where he’s obviously just that. But may the tint of the word bleed through his skin, may it run through his veins, because that’s how deep and deeper still that his strength runs. It’s in the way he doesn’t flaunt it. It’s in the way he chooses to wield it.

Gentle.

He closes his eyes, flinching at the onslaught of acclamation, and you dip your head down again, wrapping your lips around his cock, letting him slide to where you can take him comfortably, just starting to build a pace as his hips squirm in harmony with his suddenly erratic breaths. Oh, how you’d love to let him deeper, allow his cock past your lips beyond the teasing amount you can take now, but the little writhes his body gives in protest are enough to almost make you okay with how your mouth won’t agree with your ambitions. He says your name, groaned out in bliss as he cups a hand on your cheek.

His barriers are down, so it’s easy to hear when his deprecating thoughts quiet again, and you switch back to coloring him again.

You know the moment you look up at him that it’s a mistake, because he’s flushed, so torn, suspended in the limbo of your give and withdrawal, mouth ever so slightly open, tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip.

You’re only human, so before you draw anything else, you bring your lips to his, which is yet another mistake, because among the many things Obi-Wan is, he is a deep kisser, and as his tongue delves into your mouth, your will power takes a devastating blow.

You pull back, reeling at the reminder of how easily he can take back control, knowing you have to complete this before you let him.

Stars, how you want to let him.

For now, you need that control back, so you take him into your mouth again, filthily wet and not nearly long enough as you quickly pull back, watching in satisfaction as he heaves forward at the loss, correcting himself quickly back into straight posture.

With a smirk, you drag your slippery, pigmented finger across his lower stomach.

Disciplined.

There’s so many more words, so much more he needs to know, and if you covered every inch of his skin in the smallest writing it still wouldn’t be sufficient of all that he is.

Or you could whisper it all through the Force, embed it all in his mind.

But because you’ve been there, know his mind inside and out, you know every time he sees his own skin, all he sees is the red of blood on his hands. The blood of his brother.

And that’s exactly why you’re going to stain it in your own colors. Take back territory and push back the front lines that the army of guilt has taken over on him.

Your Jedi, ever-adorned in unassuming beige, now drips in the color of royalty.

Charming.

Humble.

Confident.

Steadfast.

You’re only left with enough space for one more word, and you want some sort of conclusion to it all, something to summarize the expanse of the man kneeling in front of you.

Nothing can.

But maybe, just maybe, one word encapsulates what he is to you.

Treasure.

This time you do chant it across his thoughts, prompting him to open his eyes and look at you.

Cerulean blue blinks open, slowly, almost painfully and nearly overflowing with emotion.

Thank you, is all he says, unable or unwilling to say it out loud, much too heartfelt and newly-budded for that.

You know his pain has older roots than those tended to in this moment, but you vow to yourself that you’ll never stop trying.

Lowering your mouth around him once again, you don’t tease him anymore, at least not intentionally, even though you still can’t take more than half of him.

“Look at you, you’re…” he hisses in a breath as you swipe your tongue against that vein on the underside of him. “Stunning. You’re doing so well, little one.”

The taste of him compels you as much as his words, seizes you in spice-like addiction, and how interesting it’s going to be explaining that taste craving to him, among your sudden adoration for those damn melons.

“Darling, I’m…”

You feel it in his energy before he says it, already pulling off, replacing your mouth with your hand, dropping your lips down even lower, mouthing at his balls, and the feedback is instant. An outpouring crest of his pleasure blasting outward as he lets out a depraved moan, netting his hands into your hair.

Your hand is wet and so is where he’s spilled on his still flexing and releasing stomach, clear white maring the lettering halfway through “disciplined.” You’d clean it with your tongue if you weren’t sure how your overly sensitive taste buds would react now.

It’s not the first time you’ve had sex since you’ve known you were pregnant, but it’s the first time since he’s known, and it’s the first time you’re not hiding the symptoms. Before, you carefully shied away from anything that might give you away, and between the preoccupation of everything on his own mind he was trying to keep from you and his respect for your boundaries, he never pressed. He had questions in his eyes, but you knew how to carefully reveal partial vulnerabilities to keep him off your trail.

Your chest flares at the memory.

We’re not hiding now.

It’s your chant, your reminder, your comfort. How nothing of this caliber will be kept between you again.

His eyes confirm it, sincere and exact as they fight to break through their dazed slipping.

Never again. His voice in your head is home, so consoling it can and has put you to sleep before.

Right now, it wakes you up in a different light, dowsing you in heat as Obi-Wan takes your hand in his, wiping it on a piece of his discarded clothing before wiping the spend off himself.

Then he’s taking your face in both his hands tilting you up before kissing you soundly.

I love you, he says across the wire that ties your minds, the wire that keeps growing stronger every day. So, so very much.

You say it back, a fact as simple as breathing. You love him.

You want him, borderline need him the way you need your next inhale, you don’t say, but he must hear it anyway, because that cocky little smirk that’s been gone far too long is back.

“Shall we do something about that?”

You’re about to just lift your shift dress up and off in response, but he halts you, grasping your wrists.

“Allow me.”

He pulls you into another sultry kiss, completely neglecting the task of ridding you of clothing.

Or so you think.

There’s buttons all the way down the dress, and you’ve never used them, always wondering at their purpose if it can so easily lift over your head.

At first, you don’t even know he’s doing it until you start to feel the coolness of the night air on your nipples. Opening your eyes, you pull back from him to watch as seemingly in thin air, your buttons undo themselves.

“You needn’t seduce me further. You already know how much I need you,” you gasp, breathless from the kiss.

Obi-Wan just gives a small smile as he drops a hand, dragging it down your side, then down your thigh. “Hm. So impatient. All this from just pleasuring me?”

Maker, he knows! He knows that you are. You always have been, and it’s not as if you weren’t projecting your feelings too.

When he reaches a hand between your thighs, parting them and making a single, tempting stroke through them, his fingers come back glistening.

“I should think you could feel that I am.” You let the tide of your frustration spill over into your connection to his mind.

You know he had to hear you, but he gives no indication that he did.

“Mm. Desire needn’t always be indicatory of impatience,” he punctuates his statement with a hand at the base of your skull, tipping your head back to expose your neck. “I need you to be patient, little one. Let me savor you.” And with that, his mouth makes contact with your neck at the same time his other hand plays with one of your exposed nipples.

You whimper at the attention, quietly pleading with him for more. Among the still slight changes to your body, this has been the most notable one. How sensitive your breasts have become to even the scrape of the fabric of your clothing.

And with the rough pads of his fingers working only one, leaving the other to pang in want...

“Obi-Wan,” it’s a prayer, a request. He doesn’t need his hands to cause sensation, and you’d beg him right now if he asked.

He lets up on your neck, only barely, lips moving against the now throbbing skin. “Answer me first.”

Clearing your throat, you give the most cogent response you can muster. “Depends on if you’re definition of savor is synonymous with torture.”

He locks eyes with you then, gently grasping a breast in each of his hands, dragging his thumbs over the nipples as you moan out your assent.

His chuckle is far too self-satisfied to be becoming of a Jedi, but you’re already too far gone to call him on it.

“Is that what you want, little one? For me to torture you so?”

An affirmative whimper is all the response you can give, and Obi-Wan reacts quickly, taking your chin in his fingers and tilting your eyes up to his again.

“Then you will be patient for me. Because I’m always happy to stop, and we can begin again when you decide to adhere.”

Your brain short circuits on the spot, and all energy is redirected much, much lower. His voice, stars above, his voice when it takes a commanding tone.

It’s intimate, it’s personal, and yet this game is almost inappropriately playful for how sincere the moment is.

But such was being loved by Obi-Wan. Full of dissimilar feelings that shouldn’t fit, but moved together in liquid consistency. Like metaphors that didn’t rhyme but still somehow gave their own life-giving rhythm, not dissimilar to the sound of his heartbeat when you lay your head against his chest at night.

Making quick work of the remaining buttons of your shift and underwear, he beckons you to join him as he lies back down, large, warm hands guiding you to turn around so you’re facing away from him.

You know that the purple stickiness of the fruit will smear from his body to yours like this, but you can’t at all bring yourself to care.

You gasp a sigh of relief as one of his hands finds your breast, brushing a knuckle over the too-sensitive nipple.

“Please.” Your whispered beg sounds pathetic, even to your own ears. But as you arch against him in a frenzied attempt at skin contact, Obi-Wan juts his hips forward, grunting into the exposed column of your neck, and stars, yeah, maybe he didn’t find that so pathetic after all.

“What do you want, darling?” His voice doesn’t divulge any desperation, and for only the hundredth time do you envy his immaculate self-control.

“You know, don’t pretend you don’t.” Leaving any doubt to the wind, you push your chest against his barely-touching hand.

“Specificity can be a virtue; that I also know.”

You change techniques, driving your hips back softly into where he’s hard and insistent against your ass, hoping it compels him.

Then you simply… can’t anymore. You’re frozen, unable to move your lower half at all.

Tangling your desires into a knot and tucking it away, you find the mindfulness to reply. “Yeah, so is mercy.”

“Indeed it is. I shall concede when you do.”

You won’t win a battle of the wills with him. You’re not sure anyone could.

So you bring his hand over to your nipple. “Touch me here.”

You feel his smile without even seeing it as he starts tweaking the bud. “Like this?”

It’s so much sensation, all concentrated on such responsive flesh, that you want to beg for him to switch to touching you between your legs.

You haven’t even finished the thought when you feel his unmistakable metaphysical brush against your thigh.

Extending a tendril of your own energy, you invite him in, and he takes it eagerly, ever as eager if not more to be entwined with your mind as with your body.

He hears it all, the besottment, the arousal, the neediness. The panic that he might drag this out longer, that you’ll have to go a single minute longer without...

“It’s alright. It’s alright.” He sends soothing waves through your connection, and he swaps the positioning of his hand with the curl of power. He turns his hand so that the back of it runs through where you’re aching for him, gathering up your slick on the backs of his knuckles. You have to contort your neck to see what follows when he takes the hand back behind you, and your mouth goes dry when he sucks the knuckles in between his lips.

You want to hear, you want to know what he’s…

He’s welcoming you in, navigating you to the brink of his mental barriers, letting you take that final plunge into the unsuppressed fullness of your bond to each other.

Now it’s your turn to hear it: how his carefully constructed unaffected persona is not at all a match for his naked, wanton need for you.

And under that, the foundation on which that desire is built, not the product of it, is his love, his unyielding, unashamed, iridescent love for you.

It’s all you can do but to pour it back, affirming and soothing and calling his love into action with your own.

You both don’t want anything else except the most complete of entanglement, and that’s exactly what he moves to do, situating your bodies, hiking your top leg in the crook of his arm as you feel the initial breach of his body into yours, and all breath leaves your lungs in an exhilarating evacuation.

His audible gasp is an echo of his emotions, how he thinks he’s prepared for this onslaught of feeling, but how you take him off guard, how his equilibrium threatens to teeter every time.

The web of his consciousness enveloping you, it’s easy to pick out a single thought blaring within him: How much he adores the way you fit together. Your back against his chest, how your breast fits in his hand, how the snug joining of where his cock presses into your body sends you into trembles, how comforting your very presence is to his soul when he lets you in like this.

Tears, without warning, seep out of your eyes as he starts to move against you, slow and deep. You close your eyes, willing the powerful emotion away, but glimmers of light flash out behind our closed lids the moment you do, and how the kriff does he stay composed?

Anchor. Anchor against me.

He stills, letting you have a break from the barrage of pleasure blinding you as you search him out, looking for the cords of his intellect that seemingly both steam downward and beam upward, grounding him.

You find it, and you clasp on tightly.

But the moment he starts moving again, you lose sight of it all over again.

Your heightened hormones make your flesh so susceptible, and the tears start to fall again. Obi-Wan rolls your nipple in between his thumb and index, and he’s so good, and you’re so full, and you can hear his pleasure as your own, adding, doubling everything…

Scorching, electrifying heat speeds through your veins, hitting hard and fast, leaving you astounded and even more sensitive than before.

Obi-Wan’s signature spikes as your climax resounds through him, and you can feel the vibration of the wanton noises he’s making right where his beard scratches against your neck.

But he doesn’t allow it to overtake him, letting it run through him without resistance, making himself pliable but unmovable, keeping himself back from the edge.

You still have much to learn.

Because that control? Gives him the ability to not even stop, not even hesitate once, even at both yours and his own ecstasy flowing through him.

When he starts striking his hips hard into yours, the weight of him inside you dragging exactly in the right place, you start to cry in earnest. Obi-Wan stops for a millisecond, concern radiating off of him, even when he can hear how much you want this so clearly, has access to every little passing thought.

“Don’t stop, I’m fine, I pro…” He does just as asked while moving his hand down to your belly again, a soothing touch to his rough thrusts. Your eyes are blurred with wetness, overwhelmed with him.

He’s listening to it all, applying every micro-feeling of feedback into action against your desperate, post-orgasmic skin, hand switching back and forth from your nipples to loosely clutching your neck, Force energy focused on applying pressure to your clit.

“You’re doing so well, so good for me,” comes the wisp of his sultry tone, lips pressed against your ear.

Since you aren’t even thinking about changing position, you know it’s his own preference that has him withdrawing, guiding you onto your back.

There’s no inhibition this way, not the way there is when you’re on your side, no separation from your bodies being flush when he pushes into you again. You have to anchor in him, both mentally and with your fingernails clawing at his shoulder blades as your body starts into tremors.

He’s keeping the weight of his chest off of you, even though your belly is still barely swollen into distinguishable roundedness, and as much as you miss the contact, you can look into his eyes like this, can see the unfiltered attachment and all the weight of all the emotion he wills his body to not cave under.

But then the tremoring transforms into series of contractions throughout your body, centering through your slick core, and you thrash your head to the side catching a glimpse of Obi-Wan’s fingers clenching into white knuckles, grasping into the exposed sand from the blanket being bunched up.

He projects his thoughts across the tether to you, how thoroughly impacted by the very fact you’re carrying his child, how affected he is by every little thing about you, honored that he’s allowed to touch you like this.

You roll your hips back up into his, and that’s what it takes. His stuttering body is the lightning, and the searing, molten pleasure across your connection is the thunderous repercussion.

It completely overthrows you, and your body bows against him as his high instantly cues yours again.

You can feel him throb inside you at the very moment you do, his turn to experience the secondary sensory white-out of your mate’s climax through the Force, his shuddering shout meeting your breathy whines in the close distance between your mouths.

And he does kiss you then, soundly but with the haze of afterglow slowing it.

“Have you any idea how bewitching you are to me?” He breathes it out, and despite all the ways you’d normally scoff at such words, his eyes tell the story, and you listen to it’s truth.

His eyes hold that constant infiltrating study of you, the one that could be unnerving if his mind, still tethered to yours didn’t hold such amor, heart bleed such fondness that settles in the creases around his eyes.

How interesting it is watching someone as knowledgeable as him having such an inquisitive outlook on life, and being so frequently the object of those investigations.

Did the galaxy know her debt to him? Did she know the sum owed to inflicting the worst of life’s pains on someone who refused to let it build anything except an even gentler man of himself? When does she plan on repaying him? What does she offer in exchange for her cruelty of the hand she’s dealt Obi-Wan Kenobi?

Then the whisper comes, soft but crisp, from somewhere in the threads of existence around you, “Can’t you see? It’s you, child.”

You could argue it. You could scream how it’s not enough, how you’re not enough, how he deserves so much more from some dark insecure place inside you. Or how love shouldn’t be treated as currency in exchange for pain, how the galaxy could still have your fists if that was how it tallied.

But the finality of it settles in your soul, more impressionistic than in solid wording: there is no easy conclusion that ties the suffering of life into purpose, no experience that erases or mends its pain. But love. Love makes the complicated endeavor of trying to find purpose in the madness worthwhile.

Obi-Wan’s hum of agreement resounds in your ears and through to your head. His Force signature feels so familiar, so at home within yours and yours within his, that you’d briefly forgotten he could still hear you.

With all the strength still left in quaking limbs, you wrap your arms around him, and he melts into it.

The compassion of his soul hardly matches his war-ravaged skin, his guilt-ridden memories. Every good thing here came to be with a war waged, refined and not burnt away in fire at his sheer tenacity.

It’s a growing thing, blooming in the desert. The beliefs in both of you. Your love for each other. Your own trust in the Force.

Healing is no short journey, but her two sojourners here are determined.

And if that tender hope can blossom here?

Then maybe, just maybe: Tatooine is exactly the place for a baby after all.

*********

In the valley beyond the hut, a boy jets quickly away in some mechanical contraption he recently motorized, a girl in a similar vehicularized compilation of junk not far behind.

On the cliff’s edge stands Obi-Wan, eyes scanning the landscape intermittently for any sign of threat between longer affectionate looks at the children before him.

He turns, feeling your approach in his keen awareness as you set a hand on his shoulder from behind. His temples are now even thicker with sun-bleached silver, and his eyes wield the lines of laughter around them.

And you? You’re as roped in by his gravitational pull as you’ve always been.

He puts a hand over yours, clasping it to bring you in front of him, where he can still watch the children and encase you in his arms at the same time.

“Slow down, Luke! You’re going too fast!” comes the distressed cry of your daughter, Ahlina, drawing your attention away from admiring Obi-Wan and back to the valley. Her vowels curl in the same way her father’s does, but her more casual phrasing was certainly thanks to you. Luke shouts back at her, “Come on, keep up!” while he races on ahead.

Obi-Wan smiles, seemingly amused at a secret joke.

“They are much too young for this nonsense still,” he speaks, muffled slightly as he hides his lips in your hair.

“Probably,” you reply with an airy laugh.

Not long after, the engine on Luke’s small contraption gives out, jutting him off and tumbling forward into the sand.

“I told you!” Ahlina yells, her own machine coming to a halt not far away from Luke.

When they make it back up the cliff, Obi-Wan couches and opens his arms, and they both come running with smiles. They’re still young enough to be unshy about affection, and Obi-Wan knows to soak it up, closing his eyes in relishment.

Luke is the first to wiggle down, waving before running over to hug your leg, which you happily return, brushing some of the blonde mop of hair from his forehead. You adored the nights that the Lars let him sleep over.

Although the nights that Ahlina slept over at theirs certainly had their allure too.

“Can we have a snack, Daddy?” Ahlina asks, still happy to be hoisted up on one of his arms.

“Hm. Perhaps I can make some of those ahrisa sweet breads again?”

She wrinkles her nose. “Can Mommy make them?”

“Why not mine?”

“Because you always burn them.”

He bops a finger lightly on her nose with a smile. “Cheeky.”

She goes to bop him on his nose in return, but he catches the finger, holding it.

“Give it back!” she screeches through a giggle.

“No, no. I think I’ll keep it now.”

The suns are dipping low as you retreat into the hut, the two children running ahead, racing to gather the ingredients to help you bake the bread. Luke especially was an enthusiastic sous-chef.

You step to follow them, but Obi-Wan grasps your hand. You turn back to him, and he barely gives you a second before he joins his mouth to yours. Sliding a hand into the auburn beard, you open your mouth to him, letting his familiar taste permeate your senses.

He reluctantly breaks after a long moment, and you take his hand in yours. When you turn back to the horizon, the suns are dipping, blanketing the landscape in the most celestial light of the day.

The planet’s eyes aren’t harsh in the way you used to see them. They’re still intense, and frequently unforgiving.

Perhaps they never changed. Maybe only you did.

But as they sink now, you give a silent, partial farewell, knowing they’ll greet you again in the morning.

Because if Dark’s patience is infinite?

So is the promise of the return of the Light.

Tagging upon request: @million-dollar-legs

#obi-wan kenobi #obi-wan kenobi x reader #obi-wan kenobi x you #obi wan kenobi x reader #obi wan kenobi x you #obi-wan x reader #obi-wan x you #obi wan x you #obi wan x reader #obi-wan kenobi smut #obi wan smut #obi-wan smut #obi-wan #obi-wan x oc

560 notes · View notes

khiphop-stories · 5 years

Text

Getting Off The Wrong Foot

[Christian Yu | Chapter V ]

Previous Chapters: Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III | Chapter IV |

Turning your head to the side your eyes rested on him, staring at him silently. The words that left his lips surprised you because it seemed as though he knew you better than you did. He was right, that night you didn’t want to be alone. That’s why you went to your friend’s bar in the first place. You were scared of being by yourself, left alone with those thoughts and feelings that were slowly drowning you.

“Stop apologizing, it makes me feel bad.” “But you’re mad at me and I don’t wanna argue with you.” “I’m not even mad at you,” you finally admitted and let out a long sigh. No, you weren’t really mad at him, you were mad at yourself and you let it all out on him. Life had been hell on earth for you the past few weeks and no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t get it back under control.

“It’s just easier to blame you than to take responsibility for my actions,” you said in a whisper as you gently shut your eyelids close and leaned your head back.

“What’s wrong with what you did?”

At first you thought he was mocking you, but as you observed his face closely from the corner of your eyes, he really seemed to be genuinely clueless. “Fucking a stranger?” You let out a chuckle shaking your head. “That might be normal for you, but I don’t usually do one night stands.”

“Well, technically it wasn’t a one night stand,” he remarked playfully, an attempt to make you feel comfortable around him again, to lighten the atmosphere and to your surprise it worked. Seeing that small smile on his lips did calm you down and make you feel at ease.

“You know what I mean.” “What’s so wrong with that?” He glanced at you from the corner of his eyes, as though he was challenging you to come up with a good excuse. “It’s just not like me…at all,” you shrugged your shoulders. “Is that what you think? Or is it what other people make you believe?” “What do you mean?” You sat up straight and turned your whole attention to him, intrigued by his words. “Do you think it was a mistake?” He asked simply. “No.” “Do you regret it?” “No,” you shook your head once again. “Then what’s the big deal?”

“Sex’s supposed to be something meaningful.”

“So you think it’s wrong that you enjoyed sex with someone you don’t love?”

“I think it’s wrong that I had sex with you although I’m in love with someone else.” Admitting it to yourself out loud hurt more than you thought it would. You knew he didn’t deserve it. After everything he had put you through, you weren’t supposed to love him anymore. You weren’t supposed to have any feelings left for him. However, love wasn’t that simple, was it? You were still in love with the person who hurt you the most and because of that you were making bad decisions. “The bastard that broke your heart?” “Yeah,” you nodded your head slowly. It surprised yourself how honest you were around Christian. You didn’t feel the need to hide anything from him. It felt good to talk about it, you held it in for too long already. Usually you would turn to Jay for advice and to pour your heart out, but you couldn’t as he was in a weird position. You didn’t want to force him to be on your side, but that’s exactly what you needed right now. Someone that was on your side, your side only, no matter what, even if you were wrong about it all.

“Do you want to get back together with him?” Yes, you did. You wanted to forgive him and be that happy couple that you once were again. You wanted for everything to go back to the way it used to be. But you knew better. It was only wishful thinking.

“I can’t trust him anymore. I’d probably doubt everything he says and turn into that obsessive, controlling and jealous girlfriend…and I don’t wanna be that girl.”

“Then what’s wrong with moving on and enjoying sex with someone else?” “It’s just wrong,” you couldn’t explain it, there was just this inner voice inside of your head, screaming that it was wrong.

“Because society says so? Because your friends might judge you?”

You shook your head, but you didn’t know what to say. Was he right? Were you afraid of what other people thought of you? Were you wary of other people’s expectations? “What’s so wrong with doing something you enjoy? Something that makes you feel good? Screw them. Just do it. Just do you.”

“Now I know why Nike chose to work with you,” you joked. “I didn’t intent to quote their slogan,” he chuckled and you could hear a faint trace of embarrassment in his voice. “That’s not what I meant,” you released a smile. “I mean your lifestyle. The way you carry yourself. Your attitude, your mind, your vision. You’re aware of the rumours about you, but you pay them no mind. You’re just doing you.”

“The people I care about know who I am. I don’t need to explain myself to people who think they know me through some rumours.” “Yet you explained yourself to me,” you pointed out, wondering why he even took time out of his day to clear that misunderstanding. You had done nothing but judge him since the moment you had met him. “‘Cause I care about you and I care about what you think of me,” he replied nonchalantly as though it was the most obvious thing on earth. His reply startled you and strangely enough it made your heart skip a beat. You couldn’t help but smile.

“Thanks for driving me home, Christian,” you thanked him when you recognized your neighborhood.

“You can park here,” you pointed to the free spot nearby the entrance to your apartment building.

Christian smoothly pulled over and parked the car. You opened your arms and leaned in for a hug, when you suddenly felt his soft lips pressed against yours.

“What the hell Christian?” You quickly pulled bag, your arms still in the air, as you gave him a weird look.

“Sorry, I thought you were going in for a ki—“ “No, definitely not,” you shook your head with a laugh.

“Or maybe I wanted you to,” he added in whisper, a sheepish smile played on his lips. “I’m not gonna do it in a public place again. The elevator incident was embarrassing enough,” you shook your head violently. “But if you want to come upstairs…” you bit down on your bottom lip. “This is an invitation, right? I’m not misinterpreting any signs?”

~*~

Christian patience was at its end. He held himself back the entire elevator ride, but he couldn’t wait any longer. He didn’t even let you type in the pin code to unlock the door to your apartment. Instead he turned you around with your back against the door as he pressed his body against yours, leaning his forehead against yours. Gently, he pulled your face closer and crashed his lips on your own. You melted in the kiss, it was sweet, yet filled with so much desire.

You turned around and typed in the pass code while Christian attacked the back of your neck. He left a trail of wet kisses and smoothly slid one of his hands under your t-shirt, pushing you against his hard abs. You were too distracted by him that you pressed the wrong number which made him chuckle. You felt his breath against your neck and you just couldn’t think straight anymore. Your heart began to pound aggressively. You stood there, feeling a desire from your heart, to your chest, down toward your inner thighs. “Stop,” you whispered gently and to your surprise he rested all his motions. “Do you want me to stop?” He asked you concerned. “No,” you shook your head energetically. “I just need you to let me type in the code.” “Sorry,” he gave you an innocent smile.

“Thanks,” you chuckled and typed in the six numbers.

Once you stepped inside your apartment, he yanked you to him and covered your mouth with his in a hungry kiss. You responded immediately, pulling him closer if that was even possible. The bristles of his beard scratched against your soft cheeks as your gripped his head firmly, as if to keep him from escaping. He tasted tentatively with his tongue as he traced it across the bottom of your lip. You opened your mouth with a low moan. The kiss grew bigger and more intense, your hand roamed his body, before you grabbed his t-shirt in your hands, pulling it out of his pants, over his head, then throwing it on the floor.

~*~

Feeling a gentle nudge on your arm, your eyelids flickered open to the unlit room. You expected the sun to shine by the time you woke up, but it was pitch-black, making you wonder what time of the day it was. It took you a few seconds to adjust to the darkness, then you saw Christian’s silhouette hovering about you. He wore a soft smile on his lips. He was fully dressed from head to toe, he had even put on his jacket. It looked as though he was ready to go out.

“What time is it?” You mumbled half-asleep, your heavy eyelids falling close again.

“Half past five,” he replied in a whisper, almost as though he didn’t want to disturb you any further. Hearing the number five, it was a signal for you to catch some more sleep. You shifted in your position and pulled the blanket over your face. “I have to go, because I have meeting now. I’m not sneaking out,” he informed you, but you had already drifted back to sleep. His voice was merely a distant sound to you.

“Just go and let me sleep,” you muttered under your breath.

Christian smiled to himself and then you felt his soft lips pressed against your forehead.

“Sweet dreams, babe.”

~*~

A few hours later you were forcefully torn out of your sleep by the jingling sounds of your alarm. You slowly opened your eyes, taking in every ray of light while you reached over your head on the nightstand, trying to feel where your phone was. You turned off the alarm and took a glance at your phone. You had a message from your assistant reminding you of the meeting with Vogue you had at 10 am. One of their editors wanted to meet with you to go over the details for the shoot and interview that would take place next week. It wasn’t your first feature in a magazine, but you still felt nervous about it. The interview was the easy part, you were good with words, but you were a quite worried about the shooting. You were used to stand behind the camera, working behind the scenes and not be in the spotlight. The shooting required you to leave your comfort zone. Right when you were about to drown in your worries, you received another message. “Good luck with Vogue.” The text message was from Christian. A small smile played on your lips, before you knitted your brows together wondering how he even knew. You must have mentioned it briefly in one of your conversation and he must have remembered. You didn’t take him for a good listener, but Christian was always good for a surprise.

Finally an update! Took me long enough haha. I hope you like this chapter! Feedback is appreciated! I’ve already finishing writing the next chapter. Will post it soon! Hint: Big revelation next chapter! You’ll finally find out who her ex is. Any guesses?

#christian yu #christian yu scenarios #christian yu imagines #dpr scenarios #khh scenarios #khiphop scenarios #getting off the wrong foot #christian yu imagine #christian yu scenario

301 notes · View notes

lotusillustration · 5 years

Text

i know there’s a hnk tarot deck which i own and ADORE but here’s my take

I tried to keep this based off the rider-waite deck, but I’ve used some interpretations from my personal favourite deck too.

mobile users: I’m so fucking sorry

0. The Fool - Phosphophyllite Upright, The Fool represents new beginnings and innocence. It’s numbered 0 as it’s the beginning of the journey through the Arcana. The Fool encourages a free spirit and diving into the unknown. Reversed, The Fool represents being unprepared, taking too many risks. “What am I getting myself into?” could be an interpretation if you draw this card, and that you should reign back the once carefree energy.

I. The Magician - Euclase Upright, The Magician represents power and resourcefulness. To draw this card may mean that your current plans are in order, and ready to be acted upon. It represents clarity and focus. Reversed, The Magician means you may be unsure how to act upon a situation. To draw it may mean the universe wants to to reign back, and you’re out of touch with yourself.

II. The High Priestess - Lapis Lazuli The High Priestess signifies one’s subconcious mind, which constrasts The Magician’s focus on the concious mind. She represents that the world is not all it seems, and can be a fascination with higher powers, and unseen events. She essentially represents enlightenment and psychic insights.Reversed, she represents withdrawal and silence. She can represent manipulation, secrecy and hidden agendas - even when that knowledge should be shared.

III. The Empress - Red Beryl The Empress is a difficult card to explain to non-tarot users, as the “base” for her is femininity. In this sense, femininity is not being a feminine person, but rather represents traits such as creativity and connecting with your senses. The Empress sees beauty in all things. Reversed, The Empress may show you’re throwing yourself into your work too much. You may be neglecting your own needs. Red Beryl is the only gem who creates clothing for the gems - that’s their only purpose in life. Rx, The Empress suggests you take time for self love, enjoying beauty for oneself rather than the world around you.

IV. The Emporer - Kongo The Emporer is the perfect card to describe Kongo-sensei. In a literal sense, The Emporer represents a father figure. The Emporer is a strong, powerful man, who status and respect come naturally to him. He also represents a social system, a strict way of living, and order. He also signifies knowledge and expertise. I don’t to go too far past these literal meanings of The Emporer, since he already reflects Kongo perfectly. Reversed, however, he can represent a system that has too many strict rules. To pull The Emporer rx, you may be struggling with a person in power over you, you could be struggling where you’re the person in power and don’t know how to act. It could mean unhealthy and unequal relationships that, over time, become toxic.

V. The Hierophant - Yellow Diamond Upright, The Hierophant could show that oneself is seen as a mentor, the one who people look to for adivce, for teachings. He represents someone with strict family traditions, who will pass these traditions down generation to generation. The reversed Hierophant is a card that isn’t nessicarily bad, like many other rx cards. It may show you that you need to assess your own wants and needs, to teach yourself before others. It encourages one to really think about the world they live in, and challenge the status quo if deemed appropriate.

VI. The Lovers - Rutile Upright, The Lovers represent passion and how one chooses to interact with those around them. While it can represent a close one-on-one relationship, it can represent relationships in general. To go deeper, The Lovers represent one's personal values, and carrying out tasks that are most important, and making difficult descisions. To draw The Lovers, it is a sign that one should focus on self love first. Reversed is where this gets juicy. Reversed, the Lovers represents an imbalance in relationships, communication is difficult and ones values may change or no longer match. To pull The Lovers rx, you may be facing a difficult choice, perhaps with no perfect outcome. One may be having severe inner conflicts, unsure of current values, and disharmony within oneself. Interestingly, The Lovers rx are encouraged to seek out The Hierophant's advice.

VII. The Chariot - Cairngorm Upright, The Chariot shows determination and willpower, potentially for a specific project. Once one decides on their project, they will try, to no end, to complete it. Ignore those trying to block you, move forward. In an incredibly literal sense, The Chariot can represent moving from one place to another Inversed, however, The Chariot is a warning to stop. Your plan is failing, you may have lost motivation. You're focused too much on yourself, and ignoring your Higher Self and what the Universe wants for you. You may find yourself controlled by another person, or controlled by your own thoughts in a negative way.

VIII. Strength - Diamond & Bortz Strength is often depicted with an image of a ferocious lion, being tamed by a gentle woman (in my deck, it depicts the constellation Leo). Upright, Strength represents raw power, internally (this contrasts to the external powers of The Chariot). To draw Strengh, it shows that you have a lot of raw energy and, well, strength, However, you need to control, or “tame” this raw energy, which is why I’ve included Dia. Strength reversed may better depict Dia, to draw it means you’re full of self doubt, unsure of your power and overall lacking in self confidence. As a side note, Strength rx can also depict explosive anger.

IX. - The Hermit - Cinnabar I'll start with the inverse Hermit for this one. Inverse, The Hermit represents taking too much time to yourself, hiding away, and ignoring the Higher Self. In a relationship sense, one might be withdrawing aggressively, despite the reaching out of another. Upright, The Hermit is representative of a more healthy self reflection - stepping back from "real life" to focus on yourself for a little. Upright, The Hermit appears at a pivotal point in one's life, an important changing point. At this point, one may need to stop withdrawing in order for personal growth. Priorities and understanding of the Higher Self may be deeply improved, and one may move away from an unhelpful society.

X. The Wheel of Fortune - Ventricosus The main reason I selected an Admirabilis for the Wheel of Fortune is that this card can represent the fleetingness of life. Upright, the Wheel of Fortune represents rapid change and the cycle of life. The Admirabilis are the only species in the series with a “regular” lifespan, and their society behaves as such. The Wheel of Fortune can also relate to karma and lovingness. For the Gems and Lunarians - the world is not in a state of constant change, while the Admirabilis live and die. To draw the Wheel of Fortune, one may have a difficult choice on their plate and urgency to change. The Wheel of Fortune urges one to believe in the Universe’s plan, and may represent critical turning points in life. To draw the Wheel of Fortune reversed asks you to step back from taking matters you shouldn’t into your own hands, and can flip the balance of your Higher Self. In order for good karma to come back to you, you must accept responsibilty for your wrongdoings.

XI. Justice - Jade Justice, of course, represents justice. Digging deeper, though, it represents one's alignment with the Higher Self and how one interacts with others. Justice tried to keep others in order, possibly even trying to distract from the negative in the world. Justice is a search for the truth, despite adversity. Reversed, Justice can reflect your inner self, and not believing in a choice you've made, or been forced to make. One may be at conflict with themself due to actions they've taken, or even unwilling to take accountability for the poor choices one has made. Justice rx can also represent a severe inner critic, or, again, facing a descision with no truly "good" outcome.

XII. The Hanged Man - Benito The Hanged Man represents taking a break, a step back to assess your situation. Thing is: these pauses may be voluntary or involuntary. The Universe may be at play, allowing you time to take a break, reassess yourself and your life. He can also represent feeling "stuck" with oneself. Reversed, The Hanged Man can show a resistance to change, filling your life with distraction, ignoring the real issues. Inversely, The Hanged Man rx could mean your life is already on pause, and has been for a long time. One could be frustrated by this, wanting to live again. Benito feels “boring” or “normal”, but this is one of the most positive traits a gem can have.

XIII. Death - Morganite & Goshenite (both old and new) Death upright can mean sudden, unexpected change, and as a whole the card represents death, rebirth, transformation and transition. The deaths of the original Morga and Goshe were sudden, unexpected - but needed. To throw in a headcanon, I believe they chose to die together - opening death with open arms - which is a very literal interpretation of the card. The birth of new Morga and Goshe also came as a shock, restarting the cycle of the beryl-class gems. Inversed, Death represents a need for change, a need for a restart and a need for deeply meaningful change. To draw Death rx, the card offers one a chance to restart, be reborn, on their own terms. The card can often also mean one is going through a massive personal transformation, and often requires a follow up card to be drawn for context.

XIV. Temperance - Red Diamond To draw Temperance (upright) enourages one to bring more balance to your life, and take the middle road. Red Diamond was the first Gem, the one who started it all, and the one who gave Kongo a new purpose in “life”. Temperance is all about changing, combining and mixing one’s life - Kongo and Red had to mix their traits to create a space for themselves and the future Gems to live. Temperance inverse isn’t quite the opposite, and rather signifies the end of a time period - to keep the balance in order, To draw Temperance rx one should evaluate themself and the life they’ve lived, and try to restore the balance. Perhaps, Red Diamond’s death was all part of the balance.

XV. The Devil - Aechmea I did initially want to not be generic and not assign The Devil to Aechmea, but it really fits him more than anyone. The Devil is deeply representitive of the Shadow Self, and could certainly be related to the cardinal sins. To draw The Devil it may represent that you’re controlled by your impulses; greed, lust, etc. It represents addiction and obsession, as well as close personal bonds that are still in the “honeymoon phase” To draw The Devil reversed, it urges you to let go of unhealthy obsessions, addictions, and sins in order to reach the Higher Self. Obviously, this can be taken quite literally for Aechmea.

XVI. The Tower - Alexandrite The Tower is representative of change and disaster. In most cards, it’s depicted as a tower - a stable structure - built on the top of a small clifface, indicating that it’s fall is near. One bolt of lightning hits the tower, and it falls. The Tower is another card that represents change, however it’s change is one of chaos and violence. You might pull The Tower if you’re experiencing trauma or massive, chaotic change. The best way to cope with The Tower’s symbolism is simply to let it fall, so you can rebuild and start anew. To pull The Tower inverse, the chaotic energy is caused by an internal trigger, rather than external. You may also be resisting change, which makes the inevitable change even worse.

XVII. The Star - Ghost Quartz Again, I’ll start with the reversed meaning. The Star reversed is a symbol of loss of hope, overwhelmingness and may test your faith in the Universe. It represents one who was once full of hope, and had it all crashing down upon you. Upright, The Star follows The Tower, and is the glimmer of hope in the aftermath. The Star upright symbolises coming to terms with yourself and the future. The main symbol of The Star is hope, and rediscovering your sense of meaning (such as Ghost gaining more purpose upon being paired with Phos) XVIII. The Moon - Zircon The Moon represents fear and illusion, which I think fits Zircon well, being tossed around between partners and feeling inadequete. Fears from the past become projected into the future, and descision making becomes hard. The Moon should ask for advice from The Empress, as they may be losing touch with their “femininity”. Interestingly, The Moon is often depicted with two towers in the image, still coping from the stress of The Tower. Reversed, The Moon often means these insecurities are beginning to fade, and one is able to put their fears aside. One may also be recieving messages from the Universe, but unable to quite comprehend them. XIX. The Sun - Watermelon Tourmaline The upright and reversed meanings of The Sun are quite similar. Upright, it is indicative of success and happiness, while inverse it can indicate one’s inner child. We know that Melon is a younger Gem, and with recent parts of the manga we can see how their “inner child” has been warped and manipulated. The Sun can represent a longing for an easier time, a time in one’s life where they felt more carefree and happy.

XX. Judgement - Diamond, Yellow Diamond, Alexandrite, Amethyst 84, New Goshenite (think I got them all - the Gems currently on the moon) Judgement can definitely tell a bit of a story about the Gems on the moon. Upright, the card is indicative of new hopes and life-changing descisions. To draw Judgement upright, a pivotal life event could be on the horizon. Reversed Judgement, however, indicates self doubt, fear, and regrets. When one pulls judgement, they may be ignoring a descision that needs to be made. Getting too comfortable in putting off the descision can become dangerous. (side note: I just noticed some lotus root symbolism in my personal card)

XXI. The World - Phosphophyllite, Euclase I didn’t particularly want to reuse characters so much, but these two fit in for The World perfectly. For Phos, the story started with them, and should end with them. For Euclase - the figure depicted in The Magician is the same as the figure depicted in The World, The Magician has reached their enlightenment. To draw The World, upright, is to show that one’s journey is near completion. Euclase is the last character Gem to be worried about Phos, to even remember them. For Phos, their determination to finish what they started may be nearing it’s end. Reversed, The World is about seeking closure. Perhaps one is seeking out shortcuts rather than completing the task. It represents nearing closure, but some sort of barrier being in the way.

anyway thanks 4 coming 2 my ted talk if u actually read it

#mine #this is probably gibberish

24 notes · View notes

maximuswolf · 3 years

Text

A serious discussion about the future of the left. via /r/communism

A serious discussion about the future of the left.

Introduction:

Comrades who share this wonderful discussion forum of r/communism, I want you to take a moment to ask yourselves, what is it that we want? What are we fighting for? I imagine most of us are fighting for abolition of private property, collective ownership over the means of production and distribution, a dissolution of the state as an apparatus for control by the bourgeoisie, democratization of all parts of life, better healthcare and welfare for those who need it, and other such extremely noble aims. I myself believe in all of these very strongly. But I'm afraid that many on the left (unintentionally, I hope) are preventing us from achieving these aims, or even actively taking us backwards, towards fascism. So, in what I'm sure will turn out to be an extremely long essay, I want to take a while to discuss action that we all should be taking. I hope everyone reads this through to the end. If you dislike it, feel free to downvote, but please read till the end regardless.

Part I: The Current State of the Left

This might start out kinda rude, but we on the left really suck. A lot. We seem to view people with other beliefs as inferior, deluded, and misinformed idiots who are only capable of seeing just past the end of their noses and unable to view the big picture. And, on some level, I do understand the impulse. It can be hard to put up with their stupid arguments, blatant mistruths, and denial of facts. But a lot of leftists (I myself am also guilty of this) respond to these with insults, ad hominem and name-calling. This is not effective. As hard as it is to get this through our heads, we need more people. If you hang out only in far-left chatrooms, patting all your Marxist-Leninist comrades on the back at how great it feels to own liberals and progressives, you are the problem. The future of the left lies in those people. If you ask an average person off the road what they think about leftists, they’ll usually respond in one of three ways; They’ll either shrug and say they don’t care, call them whiny snowflakes who only complain, or call them belligerent pricks who won’t shut up. Across all my time on planet earth, even when I talk to people who I know hold similar values to my own, they all think of leftists as these 3 things. This isn’t a group that’s going to attract new people. If anything, they’ll be pushed further away. And we need these people. I know many like to talk about revolution like it’s an excuse for them to not have to engage with liberals and progressives, but you’re delusional if you think that. If today, a revolution began in The United States, do you think it has any chance of succeeding? Revolution can only occur with a large enough power base, either among the people or among armed forces. We don’t have any opportunity to raise forces like the red army, so our power base needs to come from people. Average, milk-toast liberals and progressives. That is where the future of the left is.

Part II: Liberalism and Marxism

Liberalism, that is, the philosophy of the enlightenment, is a philosophy that is incompatible with Marxism. Liberalism came about as a way to justify capitalism, and pushed faux progressivism to legitimise capitalism’s promise of a new, equal society. Hate liberalism as much as you want. But liberals, the people who believe in the ideology, are not incompatible with us. Many share similar ideals of a free and equal world, many do in fact support things like healthcare, women’s rights and greater equality of income. They’re just misinformed. They have been the target of misinformation and propaganda from the day they were born, and so are unable to believe in socialism. They view communism as some sort of demonic entity, trying to take over the foundations of society and enslave everyone. And you insulting them isn’t really helping matters. It’s a sad fact that far-left leaning people, and even socialists, are an extreme minority in most of the world. Most people are moderates. Its just that the people with the most extreme beliefs are also often the loudest, and so are disproportionately represented in media and online circles. This is also why neo-nazis seem so common on the internet-they’re just the ones who shout the most. This isn’t about who’s right or wrong, it’s just a fact that the vast majority of people in every country are moderates, neither far-right nor far-left. And so that’s why we need to go on a crusade against misinformation. Now, let’s go onto Marxism. I won’t demean you by defining Marxism, so let’s get to the point. Don’t. Call Yourself. A Marxist. 99% of the time, if you call yourself a Marxist, people will automatically stop listening. As hard as it is, call yourself a socialist (or some variation thereupon). People have been conditioned to associate Communism with authoritarianism, even though they aren’t at all related. Socialism, while still heavily bastardised, lacks that same association with the regimes of Stalin or Mao, so they’re more palatable to the general public. And again, our aim is to convert the people who are aligned with us socially into being aligned with us politically.

Part III: The Art of Proselytising

To convert the liberals is a difficult task. It can be hard, because a lot of leftists get very invested and personal in defence of their ideology, which can be a good thing in small doses. However, when a person listens to a debate or reads transcripts, do you think they will side with the one who shouts and talks incoherently, or the one who has complete control and is calm and confident? When talking with anyone about politics, stay calm. Calm and collected people are far more attractive to others than brash and loud ones. Even if the opponent’s points are patently bullshit, counter them in a way that doesn’t actively demean them. Wait for them to lost patience and get flustered. Your aim is to try and win over people who may have an open mind. So far has been advice pertaining to formal debate. But how do you chat with liberal friends just in general conversation? Very simple. Don’t demean them. If they talk to you about a liberal policy that they like, support them. Agree. As long as that policy isn’t actively harmful, there is no harm in saying that you like it too. Don’t respond by going, “Heh, this changes nothing. The problem is capitalism, and these policies are just to keep you content enough to stop asking questions.” This actively discourages them from your ideas by putting it in their head that the things they want are fundamentally different from the things you want. Instead you respond with, “yeah man, that’s really cool!” Agree, and then later bring it up how you think that we could expand on that idea and bring it into the realm of something more in line with actual socialism. And when they talk about a liberal policy they dislike, try and show them how a more left-leaning policy would be more in line with their ideal society. I know this is vague and unspecific, but I want this to be as universally applicable as possible. Lastly, know when to stop. If someone seems averse to your ideas, don’t push them into reading Das Kapital or the Communist Manifesto. Just accept it and move along. After all, if you push too hard, they may give up on you completely and we don’t want that. Their will always be more chances in the future to try and convert.

Part IV: Choosing your Targets

This is a short section. Don’t bother trying to convince ethnic nationalists, neo-nazis or other members of the alt-right in informal forums. It’s a fruitless endeavour. You need to accept that they have committed themselves to a belief which holds no evidence to support it, and so no matter what evidence you bring up to dismiss their claims, it wont matter. In formal debates you can engage them and show how their beliefs are false, but just don’t bother otherwise. Anarcho-capitalists are generally beyond help, but not always. A good litmus test is to ask them if they think trans rights should be promoted. If yes, there is still hope. If not, give up. Ancaps take a lot of work to convert though, so you’ll be in for the long haul. Liberals are your prime targets. They have social values which align with our own, we only need them to realise that those social values would be best served under socialism rather than capitalism. Because one thing to remember is that when it comes to pure facts, logic and evidence, we have the right beaten hands down. Its not even a contest. We just need to make ourselves feel more appealing to the liberals.

Part V: Please, Think Realistically

Change will not happen just suddenly. It needs to be systematically created, and we are the ones who need to do it. It can be comforting to think that the revolution will come, it will be glorious and we will henceforth live in a communist utopia. That’s not going to happen. First off, we need enough people for a revolution. As someone who lives in India, I can tell you what the general reaction to the Naxalites is here- fear, paranoia and mistrust. I understand their goals, but unless more people support them, they will be able to do nothing. We need to plant seeds of this support ourselves. It really disturbed me to see leftists unironically planning to vote for Trump because it would show the Democrats that their model wasn’t working (or something like that) while forgetting that by doing so they would be giving power over to a far-right demagogue who would probably just directly execute you if he could. Us being correct doesn’t mean we are above the mundane conflicts of society. We are as much a part of it as anybody else and so we need to be able to put ideals on the backseat to pragmatism. So why do I bring this up? Because arguing for ideas like the abolition of private property will get you nowhere. Most people are going to frightened by such ideas, so instead we need to dial it back. We can still keep our ideals, but when converting people start small. “hey, wouldn’t it be cool if you could visit a hospital without going bankrupt? Or maybe if you had a say in the decisions at your company rather than just listening to your boss all the time? Or maybe if the people at the top weren’t so much richer than everyone else?” Such ideas will seem mundane to us. But to the average person they’re incredibly attractive. Don’t talk in terms of vague, high-minded ideals or all-encompassing social change. Focus on how their life would improve under socialism. The sad truth is, not many people care about the greater good. To get through to such people, you need to show them how they would be better off.

Conclusion: It’s 3:30 am here, I’m really sleepy

We need the support of more people. When talking to them, approach people with earnestness and respect. It leaves a better impression. Don’t be overly humble however. Talk about tangible change that the average person can clearly see would improve their lives. Stop insulting people, and get out there to start actively engaging with others. Lastly, know how to prioritize your enemies. Don’t treat fascists, liberals and soc-dems the same, they all warrant different reactions and by acting like they’re the same, you actively push them closer together.

Good Night Comrades.

Submitted November 13, 2020 at 02:26PM by ARandomAnimeFanNo16 via reddit https://ift.tt/3lumWG5

0 notes

specialchan · 3 years

Text

A serious discussion about the future of the left. via /r/communism

A serious discussion about the future of the left.

Introduction:

Part I: The Current State of the Left

Part II: Liberalism and Marxism

Part III: The Art of Proselytising

Part IV: Choosing your Targets

Part V: Please, Think Realistically

Conclusion: It’s 3:30 am here, I’m really sleepy

Good Night Comrades.

Submitted November 13, 2020 at 02:26PM by ARandomAnimeFanNo16 via reddit https://ift.tt/3lumWG5

0 notes

artificialqueens · 7 years

Text

Distance Makes the Heart Grow Colder (Shalaska) - Wednesday Angeline

A/N: Hey, Wednesday here! It’s been eons! I’ve been drenched in misery so I’m trying to produce a few more angsty things but for now I hope you enjoy this. Would love feedback here or over on my blog ( @wednesdayangeline ), and any comments you may have x

Summary: Sharon quits her job. Alaska, her girlfriend, tries to hold things together. Angst one-shot. Tw for depression.

I. Do You Love Me Too

“Sharon? Babe, I’m home!”

“Sharon?”

The door slams behind her. Alaska curses under her breath as her hip bumps into a chair in her eagerness to find her girlfriend.

She must be having a bad day.

There’s been a lot of those lately.

She walks in the bedroom to find Sharon still in the t-shirt and shorts she wore to sleep last night, half asleep. Alaska tries to keep the frown out of her expression. “Hey. Been sleeping in all day?”

Sharon shrugs, blearily rubbing at her eyes. “Not really. I had lunch.” She combs limp blonde hair out of her face, glancing for the first time at Alaska.

“That’s good,” Alaska replies, letting her hair down from its ponytail. “How was today?”

Sharon shrugs again, eyes staring vacantly at her girlfriend. “You tell me.” She turns to the other side of the bed, her hair covering her face again.

Alaska sighs. Sharon hasn’t showered in…was it four, five days now? I guess I gotta get used to this. She gently leans over and combs her girlfriend’s hair with her fingers, trying to untangle the greasy strands. “Aren’t you going to ask me how my day went?” she prods.

Sharon doesn’t bother looking at her. “How did your day go?” she asks, a hint of irritation in her tone.

“Two of your students recognized me today at the café, they said they’re from your junior class. A girl called Farrah and a guy, I think his name was Daniel?” Alaska wrinkles her brow as she tries to remember.

“Danny,” Sharon corrects. She resigned from working at Riverpine High as an English teacher two months ago after having a mental breakdown in front of that very same junior class. It wasn’t her first one either – she’s been spotted by students and colleagues with puffy cheeks and red eyes after crying in the staff washroom, but that was the last straw. The principal strongly encouraged her to resign voluntarily, and that she did.

“Yeah, Danny. They asked if I was Miss Needles’ girlfriend, and I said yeah,” Alaska continues, grinning as she recounts the situation.

Sharon groans internally. Farrah was the most attentive in her class, and Danny the most passionate. Fuck, now I feel like shit for resigning mid-year. Are they here to hunt me down?

“Farrah said to let you know that the whole class misses you and hopes you’re okay, she said she’s texted you but maybe it didn’t send through. Oh, and Danny says he’s sorry if you left because he winded you up too much. I told him I’m sure he didn’t.” Alaska pauses. “It wasn’t him, right?” She herself wasn’t really quite sure why Sharon quit, since the other woman constantly avoided the topic when she tried bringing it up.

Sharon shakes her head. “Not at all. He’s a good kid. Tell them thanks if you see them.” God, I wish I could apologize to them myself. They’re such sweet kids, they don’t deserve a selfish, irresponsible teacher like me.

Alaska hesitates- wanting to ask more, but also knowing that she won’t be able to force an answer out of her hard-headed girlfriend. “Uh, well- did you get the girl’s texts? Maybe you can let them know that you’re, uh…fine.”

Is she?

Sharon nods. “Go shower, you’ve had a long day.”

“I love you.”

“…okay.”

II. Hello, How Are You

Sharon checks her messages a week after Farrah and Danny talked to Alaska, tired of seeing the accumulating notifications.

From: Farrah Moan

Hello Miss Needles!Sorry if I’m bothering you, hope you’re doing well, our class misses you very much. Miss Malanaphy is teaching us now but she’s just not the same! :(

From: Naomi Smalls

Hey Miss N, sending best wishes to you, get well soon!!!!!

From: Max Malanaphy

Hello Sharon, this is Max Malanaphy. I’m writing to let you know that I will be taking over your junior and senior classes, please let me know if there is anything I should be concerned about. Alyssa will be teaching your sophomores.

From: Laila Mcqueen

Hi Miss Needles, take care and get tons of rest. Miss Edwards says you’re sick or something. Everything here’s cool we’re working hard I promise

Sharon switches her phone off. Why did I think that would make me feel better?

She used to be so passionate about teaching, about passing on knowledge to the younger generation. Ever since she left, any reminder of the school just leaves her more depressed.

I’ve failed them, their futures dependent on these grades and I abandoned them right before the final stretch. What kind of teacher am I? Does teaching mean anything to me? Because if it did, then I would’ve been able to control myself, right?

Great, Sharon Needles, so you’ve always been this selfish and self-centered, you just haven’t realized it until now. So, teaching is just a job for you, there isn’t any passion or care. It’s all fake, all for reputation and promotions isn’t it?

It’s been a thought that’s circled her mind all too much lately. It is quite odd, having taught at the same school for five years and devoting so much of her time to helping these kids get the best education they can have in today’s crumbling society, and only questioning this after she’s left the school. Sharon knows it’s just her mind making things up, but the stupid hypothetical thoughts keep knocking at her.

I have wasted so much of my life. And at the end of it, I’m twenty-nine, depressed, and unemployed. I spend each day trying to lure myself into dreamless sleep to avoid facing the messes I’ve created, and the remainder of the time crying into my pillow. What the fuck.

Sharon wishes she didn’t have the meltdown in front of her class. Then everything would’ve been fine. But she couldn’t control it, because she was stupid and emotional and not the calm, smart role model she should’ve been for her students. And she didn’t even hate her job the least bit- she loved it- when I had my job, that is. But that doesn’t ease the constant stress that drove her to tears again and again.

She glances at Alaska, sleeping soundly on the other side of the bed, and her heart floods with guilt.

No, I’m an ungrateful little shit. I have a loving girlfriend who’s given me more than enough space and is still handling my moods better than I am, given that half our income is fucking gone and I’m moping around all day like a teenager. I should do something…but I don’t have the motivation and any energy I have is spent on imagining horrible hypothetical situations about the future.

Story of my life.

Sharon knows she has to pull herself together someday, that she can’t go on too long like this when she’s already pushing her luck. They can’t rely on what Alaska earns from the café and she’s not even sure how long she’ll last with Alaska if she continues acting like this.

I have too much time to think, and not enough energy to do much else.

III. Forget-Me-Not

Alaska wipes away a tear as she closed the bathroom door. She misses Sharon. She misses talking to her girlfriend who would crack up over the stupidest puns, who would always beg to dress her up in gothy scarves and tell her stories about silly things that happened in class.

I miss when she cared, when we felt like a functioning relationship.

“Okay, enough, I’m fucking sick and tired of your bullshit. First you expect me to supply enough income for both of us- fine. Then you ignore me and shut me out, you pretend that I’m not here when I greet you, you won’t let me care for you! I want to care, Sharon Needles, I really do. Even though I know you don’t care about yourself or about me.” Alaska can still hear her own words echoing, the very same sentences she hurled at Sharon just a few minutes ago. She shudders as her girlfriend’s expression appeared in her mind – a mixture of shock, hurt and anger.

What reason did she have to be angry? Everything I fucking said was right.

I wish she gave more of a shit about me. Is that selfish, is that so much to ask for? She’s not the only one with issues, and troubling thoughts, and obstacles. I just want it to be my turn to be taken care of.

IV. Home Visit

From: Jinkx Monsoon

See you in 5 minutes!

This is the first person I’ve seen besides Alaska after I quit.

But how could Sharon have said no when Jinkx, her best friend and fellow colleague, insisted? For old times’ sake, she had said. She felt too awkward to say otherwise. Always the pushover, you really are.

Sharon, for the first time in three weeks, showered. She feels surprisingly refreshed, but already slightly drained, not having moved much recently, let alone stood up for a period of time. She moves her head around, trying to shake off the grogginess that still plagues her.

Looking in the mirror, she tries to make herself presentable, tying her hair in a ponytail and changing into a button-up shirt and skirt – not that Jinkx wouldn’t outdo her, the other teacher having a more dramatic wardrobe taste.

The doorbell rings, and Sharon’s heartbeat speeds up as she heads to the front door.

What if I’m not ready?

Here goes nothing.

“Sharon!” Jinkx greets her with a grin, which briefly drops in dismay as she takes in the other woman’s changed appearance. Recomposing herself, she pulls Sharon in for a hug. “We’ve all missed you at school!”

“Hey, Jinkxy. I’ve missed you too,” Sharon replies. “Have a seat at the sofa, I’ll go make some coffee and we can catch up.”

Jinkx looks out the window as she thinks. What’s happened to Sharon? The Sharon she knew had brighter eyes, rounder cheeks, and more energy than a seven-year-old. She’s comforted Sharon once or twice during breakdowns, but Sharon always regained composure quickly, bouncing back to her goofy enthusiastic self.

Sharon sat down on the other end of the sofa as she set two cups of coffee down. “How is everyone?”

Jinkx shrugs. “The usual. A few kids asked about you, most of us just tell them that you needed a break. Max and Alyssa both manage okay with your classes I think.” She sips the coffee. “How are you, Sharon? You look…different.”

“I look like shit, you mean,” Sharon says, laughing bitterly. “It’s okay, you can say that, I don’t mind.”

Jinkx nods. “How have things been?” she repeats.

“There’s not much to talk about. I sleep a lot…and I’m tired and sad all the time. I guess it shows.” Sharon plays with her fingers, avoiding eye contact with Jinkx. “And I’ve kind of ignored everything else.”

She’s going to leave now. She’s going to stop being my friend because I’m weird and an irresponsible adult. She’s going to tell me how much I fucked up.

Jinkx lets the silence hang in the air for a while, struggling to come up with a reply. “I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time, sweet pea. Would talking about it help, or do you feel uncomfortable? We can change the subject, we’re meant to be having a nice chat after all.”

Sharon takes a deep breath. “I guess I can talk about it. I’ve just been feeling really down. Like I’m not doing anything useful and sometimes I’m just sad and my head pounds a lot, but I have no idea why, because my life went so well and I didn’t even have any issues with my family and I just feel like a really sad ungrateful twat all the time.” She buries her face in her hands.

Jinkx shuffles over and pats Sharon’s back. “I don’t know how you feel, but I can try and sympathize. It’s okay to be sad sweetheart, no matter how your life is or your background, sometimes emotions just fuck with us when we least expect it. You’ll always have your friends and Alaska there for you,” she comforts.

Sharon’s red-rimmed eyes looks at Jinkx’s. “Alaska won’t be there for me. She’s tired of me, and I don’t blame her- she told me she doesn’t care anymore if I was mad at her or not,” Sharon choked back tears. “But I care. I’m not mad at her. But it’s okay if she’s mad at me. Because she should be, I’ve been such a burden to her.”

“Oh, Sharon,” Jinkx murmurs. “You know- if she isn’t helping, a change of environment might help?”

Sharon shook her head. “I don’t have anywhere to go.”

“You’re welcome to stay at mine. The thing is, Sharon, if Alaska isn’t being supportive of your situation, then maybe you should- I’m not suggesting that it’s permanent, but maybe a break would help? For both of you to clear your minds.”

V. Ladies Who Lunch

“I just want her to care,” Alaska whines, “I miss when she did.”

Katya pats Alaska’s shoulder, shooting her a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“I am, too. I hate complaining about her because I really do love her, but it’s just…wearing me out, you know? Like, she just doesn’t give a shit and lies there, and I’m not even asking her to find a job or anything, just to live like an adult with basic fucking hygiene. She barely ever showers unless there’s guests, Kat.” Alaska exhales loudly, leaning back in her chair.

Katya winces. “It has to suck living with her, Lasky. I get that it’s tiring for you.”

“Yeah.”

“But maybe Sharon herself isn’t in the right place right now? Maybe she does need someone responsible to care for her- I don’t know, Lask. I’ve met Sharon and she wasn’t like this, like what you describe her to be, and she seems to be needing help.” Katya drums her fingers on the table, observing Alaska’s reaction. She thinks of Sharon, the few times she’s seen her, Alaska’s girlfriend was always sweet, quite loud, and shared perfect chemistry with Alaska. Not this stranger Alaska speaks of.

Alaska resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “So you are telling me that I should put up with this then? God, I should have kn–”

“No, let me finish. I’m just saying that it would be good for her to have some help. It doesn’t have to be with you, this is not affecting you in a good way either, but maybe having her stay with someone else, a friend or relative maybe, would alleviate your stress and also help her with whatever she’s struggling with. When you face a problem, Alaska, you have to find a solution, not complain about it and wait for it to solve itself.”

Alaska nods. “Thanks, Katya. You always know what to do.”

That night, Alaska mulls over the possibility of a break-up. Maybe it is for the best.

VI. I Lost All Hope Today

“Sharon!”

Sharon rubs her eyes, woken by the racket at the door. What the fuck?

“Shaaaaaaaaron! Come on! Open the fucking dooooor!” Alaska’s unmistakable drawl, slurred, could wake the neighbors. Sharon sighs and drags herself to the door.

“What the fuck Alaska,” she mumbles weakly. Alaska stumbles in, makeup runny and a bottle in hand, wrapping an arm around Sharon.

Alaska slams the bottle onto their coffee table. “I think I’m gonna puke…”

Sharon follows Alaska down the corridor to the toilet, helping her keep her hair up as Alaska vomits into the toilet bowl, now completely awake from the turn of events. She can’t help but feel irritated- that Alaska was so irresponsible to get drunk when it was a work day tomorrow. Expecting Sharon to clean up after her, when they were in the middle of a fight that Alaska picked.

Sharon pours a glass of water for Alaska as she cleans up the last of the vomit. “Gargle it, don’t swallow,” she instructs.

Alaska did so, and then begins to ramble again. “You know, I really miss when you would be this caring, I don’t know what the fuck’s gotten into you the last few months but I wish you would be my Sharon again…”

Sharon sighs. “You’re drunk, get to bed.” She guides Alaska, her arm still wrapped around the other woman’s torso as she leads them back to the bedroom.

Sharon turns herself so that her back is to Alaska, who was still mumbling about “the old days where everything was happy”. She knew relationships were never perfect, that each had their good and bad days- but surely they’ve used up their bad day quota already. Surely, this isn’t how it’s always going to be?

Maybe it is truly over between them. With Sharon’s own problems, she doesn’t have time to mind the ones between her and Alaska.

VII. White Noise

Fuck. I was really fucked up last night.

Alaska didn’t remember anything after her fourth drink at the bar. She knows she wasn’t drugged, it was just too much alcohol for her system. She woke up groggy, but with clean clothes, in her bed.

Sharon. Fuck. What happened?

She tries her best to remember. She wants to guess that Sharon had helped her when she came home, but she can’t imagine it. She just can’t. Sharon doesn’t care enough to do that, does she?

Alaska ponders the question throughout the day at work, being scolded gently by Shea, her manager, for “constantly daydreaming on the job”. She doesn’t even notice when Danny said hi to her, as he did now every time he saw her at the café, asking her how Sharon is doing.

How is Sharon doing?

“I- I’m not quite sure,” Alaska tells the teenager apologetically. “But I’ll tell her you said hi.” But I never do, because she won’t care anyway, because I don’t want to know if she might care about this random student more than she cares about me, so I won’t risk it.

Danny nods, shrugging it off. “You don’t look so good yourself, Miss. Take good care of yourselves.”

“Yeah.” Alaska thinks she might burst into tears. This relationship stuck in limbo is driving her nuts. I might just tell her we need a break. Nothing permanent, just a break, I need to clear my head. Alcohol won’t help.

She comes home to find a letter.

VIII. Talk to You Later

Hi Lasky,

I’m writing this down as my thoughts come along, please forgive me if it isn’t the most concise.

This relationship isn’t working anymore. I understand that it is, on the most part, because of me. I’ve been in a very bad place the past months and I wasn’t trusting enough to tell you about it, and I was too depressed to have any energy to just…do anything. And I’m sorry, because I didn’t try harder- or at all. I know.

And there isn’t any big story behind why I became like this. It’s just a lot of things going on in my mind that overwhelm me you know? Thinking about whether there’s any meaning to existence and all that. Because we all die in the end anyway. But I guess I should snap out of it sometime.

I really do want to care. I’m sorry. I’m too tired to, and I was a bad girlfriend.

I’ll be off staying with Jinkx for a bit, and maybe pick up a job somewhere near hers. I’ll come back and clear my junk up, I’ll make sure there aren’t any awkward meetings, okay? I’m sorry this is so abrupt, but please, take care of yourself, and know that this is the best for both of us.

Maybe we can be friends again one day. I don’t know.

Talk to you later,

Sharon N.

#wednesday angeline #shalaska #tw depression #angst #sharon needles #alaska thunderfuck #rpdr fanfiction #lesbian au

27 notes · View notes

vickeyeppunitarj42insurance-blog · 5 years

Text

subaru wrx insurance for 18 year old

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :getinsurancequotes.top

SOURCES:

subaru wrx insurance for 18 year old

Auto to get? Charge is away? Do companies I don’t wanna over for its strong engines clean record and I confirm any information with Yes, I ve seen threads Will that Their previous your choice when getting few days on a cars(EX. Replica Lamborghini tell I have saved up see how it goes. Accurate estimates. You may credit score is a first want it to with insurance providers. Find of 100 to and He has his own had a rough estimate that they are. Have with AAA. Their that said, welcome to worth 100,000–120,000 whats the get a new car quotes when the get it fixed. What Sue His Insurance Company??? Both bye the car the cheapest that all know what it s will to start a and….) Questions: I am to drive in the taxes are like in whether for a run full coverage residential but the home contents and called and The much an awesome record and cheapest KNOW IF IT .

It cost $16,000. How with a truck, though. Than Alaskan men, but i was 15/16 years that. Can I birth, for their kids. Or the car, Cross name. I’m 16 MUCH YOU PAY FOR first Watt the cheapest age 25 fees, so ? Ideas even start. A good talk with provide Which company on the PIP directly to 34 -36 sailboat cost? What honest. Could you really is also believed that any ideas. Although iv services but we don t old newly passed driver have a regular row and when to drive it up I m selling is the cheapest ahead speeding for a 2006 I don’t nab on men’s rates?” wanted to have known, Am an any special offers or a 19 year old I should be fine. Can i getadvicee please drivers’ cut just in don’t buy it, I into an accident. Why title cars have cheaper financial situation. Crunch the else have experience with on existing threads. Cheers. The only thing moving .

But I heard someone 3: How many does directly to me when driving.” Should people have first new car. Sorry insurance pay out? QUESTION ST? Yeah, i got help me if haven which company has school. You can lease for policy!!!! -- Light Theme to my vehicle. How a Life, Liberty and Subaru Recommends service appointments nippy EX have a she is or change? Menace to society. Through i can qualify don’t project and going in What does average worth thing but I just it Connecticut and making Alaskan women are slightly new car, I to the national average, with that could allow for welcome. Thanks” a bit health. Highrisk driver sci without driving it has made me think record thus far, with a factor in determining no tickets. I have Same priced as if new driver? Car myself. Japan you switch to count on a high to work and is with this. Thank you / comfort of living not sure if it .

3 years (instead of up to $140 don’t is occasionally/rarely used 18 banks, so financed. Can on am looking to a celica GT4, i for the year and stronger and thus pay budgeting for monthly car full coverage. Pretty low costs of the highway on confused.com saying that was for an in go up after blame changes. Can they Ac if it.I need miles daily, mostly highway. That s what motels and any car and Am rs125 but ever were now but i kinda kind of record its reasonable great health. I single female under driving I want to be websites that In a motorist. Ill give AAA that you think… quotes expensive to insure for sales, you ll have good in I’m 18, and so certificate. Please suggest please suggest if websites. Auto needs a rough As soon as you that I can’t drive will be. What would As far as homelessness the worst state for Impreza wax and ST want to call insurance .

And have 1 bright even insure you, so your financial situation. Crunch offers such good rates. Until age 30 per or have you been 17 makes take a how these what type got into a little affiliate advertising program designed car employers doing carpentry a smart car cost not responsible for ensuring need are just staring me about different types the guy that said nanny. her so you loan with them, and Is anybody else here Not a big accident, get a license have that my worth 600 had it increase by cost if the home now I’m get my To find out more, know can i look differently and its all I pay for excellent active employers health town at the end of about kids our age 3 years/36,000 miles of can get I’ve been which could reduce the my case, my car to be living with any kids until after Any help will be but not far away Yamaha a 1963 mercury .

College? Male, 18, Passenger pay for some of POINT health is provided Props to you if etc. just on the cheap run around to have cars/car insurance. And on a sports lire but many people s posts new to happen. I how much She has your (and/or whoever is other minor discounts but can financially afford it... year or so get to get on the was 1700 a whole 30% tax give or mods declared) costing me Widget section of the premiums, whereas policies with driver discounts and bundling even though I call money? ANSWER: I would get my if anyone a minimum wage job did I’m a girl, to drive the same yours.no matter what be. Is there pretty or lease can do provide information on all the fact that you re are spending want to see if yours my own Free to do now?” in answer so I can i health and life insurance. parts and Am a I live How about .

Had no claims. However check with the higher Subaru wax – bought my name license and without bias. But we the purchase! If you have that! All we test today and is a man makes. knot names and be primary county health plan but have several options: option1) confirms this is are to search first...for that fault. It with the to be dependents that car insurance like forcing older vehicle and never for a car old - Puxman - of my gross monthly bad credit. I do any consequences of I’m best ? Has 3 it s only “half” your B. Do my work previous owner and don’t auto broker. How live up…. Will this Do had my driver’s a various components and servicing auto go up like North American Subaru Impreza he runs a creative is LIABILITY… to protect still didn’t matter any reason I police station struggle and it would $1300 a year for of a company meant I should get a .

Wagon, with based in her learn from them) have warranty from the surmised to see you end, the decision comes the best thing to usually have high insurance. You ll have good months young Padawan. Bk, the care ? Long does awesome, but before I am ditch because you it direction of a flipped and looking to I decided to order. Do that and look have a clue on that he was not year (assuming no tickets/points) my purchase. I got cheap ! Serious answers driver on what will but now I cars downer on the subject wax was initially designed DMD saying my car, but my model. The 2018 Subaru for someone with a power of a wax/sci the price.” 25 years to buy the car. pays half, be a to sell), and we’ve belonged to a neighbor’s Subaru since i was i were to somehow car had lessons and her as a dependent Anybody knows the cost a trying to get .

Driving test a few i Mont go on quote. We are Farmers Insurance aims to Volkswagen Golf S for you could try them. The car for ? Be primary driver on - The world s largest Is it cheap? Off be honest I don’t to earn fees by How much will of in the Bk. i like a friends thanks 🙂 Why would get killed with Patriot bike at some Taxi sports, I live in a home .IIt sthat car relatively low on a ninja 250R THIS INFO. ONLY? OKAY if you can lease pharmacies and hospitals. I kind of CHEAP, CHEAP, to be dependents that they need to raise not. gGettinga license inexperienced driver, so I they want $ for 50%? iIsmore expensive reduce auto rates? iIntoAnd be honest with and my rate would that iv been safe. IL. Any help on liability coverage have no am looking into buying are answered or accurate. bike, maybe one small .

Also I would very company offers better car although the Rx zip main players and has Is anybody else here I am looking for you anyone out there new car with a cops and file a Volkswagen Golf S car you have, find i find a list reduce the overall cost estimated cost, we aggregated because she thinks it projectile every time you I want to be phone currently do not the driver’s test with baby during pregnancy and is just started 5 will pm you mew at a base price for best for motorcycle figure free health care in a call. Don t get own a car company of can make my car this be done and this car being I m currently driving one & Borderline MOT’d and range of cost have for life amount 16 year old. I ve both mom and have because of the SR-1 price.” 25 years old story but all Am. Ok i Mont here. Thanks Hello .

Seeing as I am can i get Insurance this one: to lower an it cost for 17 years much after the new York Area…I have a bit but the n an officer asks at least me and her suicide rate among Alaskan your vehicle from the I can ride need I can drive with HTML, or a combination coming, need all the have to am up coupe. After finishing it that I think is everything I need transferred partners for placement of your twenties before buying it will ALWAYS cost has husband’s family and OR, PA, SC, TN, letting me down. How glad I didn injure have a to what 21st -- Give them bed single cab any) dedicated agent to help if it was intentionally anyone has a anew quote in Ontario? I and insurance and mods six whipped lash & SEVERAL are required in the Which is cheaper car paying my own in of years of building have from progressive And lot of car, maybe .

Selling a previous car and up taking, still an SDI has made owner financing 2004 silver ado. But is the has any special offers each situation? How would drive a company that school. Is this true? . Its time for spend on gas. My followed up with Am it paid off in to modify. I hate is a …show more or already 17. I Credit buying an old What can i do top notch and something the, (best price, I will soon buy Blue Cross name. I’m drive?” and older.what can party their name on Alaskan women is still to see this true? I don’t own an affordable, I make All I have to you honestly feel you **Im 17 years old anyone has THE CHEAPEST every year know that it more than say visibility and safety may and i wanted to how would my future shipping it ? Thanks I don’t care about car my friends car and affiliated sites. Welcome .

- ScoobyNet.com - Subaru in asked me for to insure? How much G37 Coupe for anyone is cross and so If I pay for still no response. I vehicles and two drivers my license for a now – will it to get the best Our 26 year old when i was 21, insurance? Life Etc? Why move out (other than each person/100k each occurrence/25k has 3 cars, so a Who has the bud, accident or speeding a 70 % RX-8, Geico car insurance and you could try them. A major role in drivers record only? And to be a lot a daily driver matey but my husband’s only 2007 was at 94.5% to avoid Vauxhall & on gas. My credit don’t care about customer 17 soon the car a speeding ticket there’s reasonable monthly rate for use hatchback (base trim car insurance. A 2017 for the bill comes. HAVE THE is sells other carriers besides for a few months $20-30 per year difference .

Possible for two a I don t know how seem to find a get a quote from integral GSA.it s a killer, health van so I it’s kinda pricey since like to pay for car insurance for good I would cost on time! I guess I ll the bank. The thing 325 with about 125hp info or you do? Cobra coverage driver? PS: would like you all would be doesn’t it protection. Shopping for auto and the air force answered or accurate. We well. I am 35 wax... well that s on give me a car…? And are designed for other place wanted like I m 18. Adios. I months, the soonest I me their car month used car from a have contemplated getting a 1.2-1.6. When getting insurance trans in India and be high. That said, be able to live a year for my spend numerous time researching that warranty. So, anyone also has a car But the DMD saying points, but I’m scooter. are both very expensive .

To get a car. For like 3–4 a for my 18 than you think. Trust will not even insure control. It s cheap, fun you had about these getting quotes online. Phone car. Cell phone it can. Advice to turning young drivers for to know when million-dollar 6 months. $500 deductible, get to work has yearly rates for a wax for 18 years it going to happen 29 and I pay it under there mom’s me off car over tiny bump car. Credit. Current insurance, paid companies CHEAPEST CAR INSURANCE i was 18 on I had worked to Props to you if i get about 150. I know that into any accidents until tell me how many drivers with AAA. I military, check out USA. Mandatory minimums. Consider opting would be cheapest? AAA health course. Also how only thing moving out many college grad never advice would help, thank place your average 18 years old girl, and of 700, insurance is .

Car is infant totaled, PHONE NUMBER WITH THIS to bet your folks is in other countries. For I win. (the rate lower after obviously without success. I believe may have been America lets kids get you with Progressive, one (NJ). Its like 800 half of,2008. Can purchase a used car, don t let your but this one did on the road for had about these things own? Of any good :tongue: Only two things quotes in car. If you or sporty TD gives cheap quotes, will they pay more. Car insurance, is it and how soon would else’s name and how old getting a car, never had any, but year old living at husband and I pay $150 for full because kids I see Car company Maybe raise back doctor because of insurance plan for a provided a copy old yet as they wanted research… around and is any ideas? cobra is performance vehicle unless you ve year Mich i think .

Progressive. Thanks. Hi everyone. Of vehicle. This could more men than women could for 10K. Came has good months and how much fine, so with an out of unsure you should get a Subaru wax ST? I was assured that obviously I’m not at where my premium is would be a cheap” car home, and but of the SR-1 i’m reason I police station garage at night and coverage tailored to your life insurance? How do ST. I want it first of all, yes, car as want to be for a mustang its cheaper since they’re years of college under I’m wondering how much chosen my car. As that will last you her driving test today cheapest that all other I want to change is in the military insured. However, why. My address so I my in case of help for a geared was a student in air force is going SR1, don’t even call recklessly). With all that months and bad months .

Her driving test today a bank, so financed. He needs a car Honda Accord, How much with no car insurance(didn t cost how much is shop what price range new check with on you are taking on backup for 6 months Will have motorcycle insurance have health coverage than a discount. Do cover license plate. Will I turbo and it went minimalist approach to insurance. And I have advanced insurance with, I still know anyone that from the rapture,. Where might insure...... with only well qualified people. Sounds and i’m really going car. I don t think I’m trying to get only give me 80% that I was going with a truck, though. A new car occasion, their first car i’m wax stock turbo mic to my auto insurance the best the lowest WILL BE PUT IN What exactly is weeks code is AAA : make the jump to this To Take Drivers realize how ridiculous it right direction. Am going states, they will and .

Out of pocket for not to blow my these enrolling in the for 17yr old girl? May am retiring, and will be surmised to for it is always son is planning on rate I want to first car. But amount)? Want to do is to care, while reducing do? Right now, both company with a minimalist insurance at this time. Just a 2008 i what type of is then to have health in other this amount the company’s Impreza model. I have enough money Consider opting for additional IWSTI logo Do not a $1M umbrella policy cheap to insure, but any car and Am me and her learn state, with 108.5 males to sign so I Like regularly and with easy to make faster, Any the policy look log in: This is speed zone. I car don’t have a clue go online to find who companies that hate job. My car. I just given a car. male life you can detail just better to .

Been with them for sure to include your you the best health up with that?? Best if we should go for a 1998 replica take when first getting record (NJ). Its like every other sci since this my just 80% of the other mods, it would be am getting that i special job, just sales considering Florida. Any names car when home…probably Auto and all that jazz have to insure the married this plays here my about what company CT, DE, GA, IL, years driving experience and I 2 cars under SALSA is mild. And at $1400 but site.info of need to plan expensive cars. It is from my current car out what the best 5.0 V8 and not get or similar car… anymore so i parent and if of a when i Hi, I saving up. show your for full coverage. I m car accident. This was in 5 months. The when the lawsuit is 2months). Is there any get better rates of .

Gas mileage does everybody or single to check Urgent care w/o the suggested won’t work. Anybody used 2000 hondas BR your math Thanks man. Includes replacing the engine a to what the Per my doctor I’m this site where you do anyone care what not until I m 18. Low full coverage mean spend it on an if you put a and call it $650/month even if i were Named, MAKE OF VEHICLE, myself. And i Vauxhall old on one? Many months and you feel would i leave. 1. Makes me VERY provisional Male. Would, i note that this girl Thanks! Bela BEST ANSWER: oldest year I would years nab, Sorry for last you a while care, while reducing title AAA. My able to the mercy m50 (800cc’s). But but above. How Which auto insurance providers a friends car /test ready to my car my own? Of any Please if was my insurance part. no replies a reason they trust last you a while .

Wheel drive 255bhp on gives you limited access intakes (BO and CAI). Don’t buy it, I CO, CT, DE, GA, vine. HOW CAN I wont have much expierence — can anyone there to message you but pay sequoia that hasn’t done it over. 30% baby during pregnancy and so that doesn help. That number had jumped a deadly projectile every. Is it possible a sr-1. So it high having a non-luxury any cheap car thought of insurance costs. The license get suspended? Property to pay a ridiculous a time driver but classes, and defensive driver because they think their driving. But even if about how reason. Also or so.? Would i get some get married money? ANSWER: I would I am a 22 car one speeding ticket going to be about I to start driving heard anything from TD get are the best since I bought India.now ****. Congrats on your me so i can I will be surmised qualifies as full the .

To criticism on my drive my worth considering(No Score is little more off the phone with of product information, it for around 4000. Be away from. As far saved i ll get a saving ALL your money and Am only also in shortly. I am to pay a ridiculous a week or I this internet site where country and have been any experience with this?” the size engine I my state’s minimums for any less real Am out my mileage from. Where can i guest, which gives you Lexus is300 with point more than California….with a kit on it tomorrow being 19 and living this something Can you period, so I much up it seems like one got mine when anybody knew Car cell on Liability or collision and get away with in CA, besides Progressive, cost for a week. Only heard from. the worst state for about to be 25 to be able to Going give them to Hmm maybe but I .

Be back, though...just not have good a blue getting me Bought myself. Me want something can back, my husband a perfect 10/10 score or the following documents a c section and from is gonna cost money live in southern off in 3 years. State quid co, is it worth needs car insurance. It s save on car insurance? Is expiring soon. I do one become coverage Should we socialism 2001, but California stating that young once, and you ll is $8000 to lose have in April and lot of wear and tried it for a = 7500/month, better check said much it would above. How much would 60 a month for can easily put your for commuting and other much can you afford. A Volvo AC wagon, much pain he would or lease can do college? Male, 18, Passenger way both get it small engine around 1.2-1.6. Car i’m looking into due suggestions on some drive own job, but i would pay. Am I currently am driving .

And comfortable behind the i Mont have.Ave on top of an all the titles and i can get £4-5k worker at the DMD. Get me but I’m And I am not licensed right now….but not car? Has 2 b how long would of men. So why the would it does that 3,060 does anyone else and put the online-based service. Esurance offers Progressive plans at the go up in the find an accident in lower deductibles have higher WOULD GOLF CART have, am a recent News and J.D. Power Fill in your details ecu out Ghats like fixing it up I m our bank with no info on the vehicle a 2008 Ninja in parking tickets car I 7000–8000 i one time own version of get plays here is a call them directly because had for cheap and the go up and loan with my credit the coverage you need. A company car. If I’m to be 17 are in their early .

Which company has the then. If Sum1 knows is thees any chance of products, providers and a and what kind 6 months after that. That they Mont! Catastrophic us identify opportunities to good companies a scam? Car company in Anybody to protect other people’s had that. I and then isn t cheap. KB end links, AL Roll curious — with Kaiser (sedan) Thanks” a 16yr told me the collision we may receive compensation the car. Go get figure free health care in actual health quote on called around for quotes. Early about $70 a process THIS MONTH. Cheapest car insurance isn t they give me a I don’t know that to pay even tough on your money from your hit and run police Florida speeding citation. The I’m to be 17 is the CHEAPEST for so I am not been 15. To this you think still have stated I am totally I much u pay.and my cheaper auto company payments then the price take it from there. .

Possible product, and your 600 GSXR .motorcycle insurance the st205....... will be It’s not like the engine, or needed to of home. I’m in am a 22 now would an citron generalization that men are project. Please covered under turn 22 and my I need is mandated for 18 year old never compared the 2 repair estimate is about see how I they my dodge caliber but agent to help you as Am cost of no car insurance(didn t have/need can apply to of cars have cheaper me without asking for one coverage with Progressive ends just ended and are need to know seriously setting up a payment r Personally I wouldn try out something like terms of up to paying my insurance until been out of my you know, buy a Subaru wax insurance for another for my home Enthusiast Forum Subaru Impreza insurance company. He asked activity for a school bilateral tubal car, for the fact when repair not. If I .

To drive it does being want is a where one can compare gas and costs, in The only thing moving too right a my (been driving for almost first car?” Why do what I don t spend) I get in trouble friend told that me else’s name and how before it was place the tactic i just her were going to my name, address, assn. Litre, 1.4 difference between a Fireworks shop and 21% of women going insurers for the exact was thinking that if cost–to–base car price ratio a turbo doesn t make have advanced driving and I feel like committing hit me Definitely hike the person to covered from. Did you ex. I am for get Insurance for the have company has the car and another one in the Tri-State, your company to get the way if it think would be a standalone dental to be a lot results in me having they look terrible smile herd could save up .

Work, but I am reasonable, interested in car until I turned 19, needing eye her license to my vehicle. How should i tell insurance? Limits on public roads in a week and the he put the loaded or have you this quote business. I’ve Am buying a used affect my DMD record cheap car.everybody are minor discounts but they Can anyone help? I am. What would be could save up to be like for a till my parents are CAR INSURANCE COST ON ideas of cars, so photocopy of the cars a 975sq home. Have four-door performance sedan. Although against my driving record? A cheap” price range deducible need most without in which products appear in Canada (BC) I An explanation of ? Something stupid, you ll have valves and cold air perks like better car tickets. I work from come with cheap quite insurance. It s quick and rs125 at age 17? does permit and i cost of for a moped a health .

Save money on my the fact or anything to lower it Am get it tomorrow I to know about where threads. Cheers. I just license for a what people s minds who have on getting after i pay for without as great at a getting at this time. He to expire in for another bill. Although it What is out there with a classic alarms is awesome but a first want it 1st car? Has 2 SDI upwards of $300/month. Given a car. Kind car? Can I list insurance cost me? **Im reasonably cheap to insure other people’s property. What 20 with two years later, here are some oil leak, you wouldn’t I’m I had my not hi, we are full car (my first) flamed. So here, you advanced driving etc as someone tells do not male, I have never driven. It s all in me? Unemployed mom spoils coverage. I m trying to how sure that some ca. I posted plan to move out .

subaru wrx insurance for 18 year old

0 notes

terryblount · 5 years

Text

Octopath Traveller – PC Review

I am one of those weirdos who loves to buy JRPG’s off the Android store rather than taking refuge in the haven of emulation. Many frown when I tell them this, and some check if I remembered to take my medication that morning. Fact is, the store has built up an excellent collection, and these days I can often be found curled up on the couch, working my way through the classics on my tablet.

Through sheer luck, I just finished Dragon Quest IV, and it was fresh off this experience that I fired up my review copy of Octopath Traveller. After making my way through close to fifty hours or so in Octopath’s unforgettable world, I kept noticing the striking similarities it shares with the fourth Dragon Quest game, but also with many JRPG’s of the mid-nineties in general.

Initially I thought the developers, Square Enix and Acquire, had intended to pay homage to their successes in the early scene. After playing Octopath Traveller for myself, however, I realise this game is something more. It has everything we loved about the early days, but with a few tweaks, refinements and innovations that turns the experience into a ‘love letter’ for the genre as many have said.

If this does not impress you then I am done trying!

This game is truly exceptional, and now that we finally have a chance to play it on our favourite platform, I feel like no collection will be complete without it. I finally get why Nintendo insisted on Octopath Traveller as a timed Switch release since I know people who bought their console just to play this game. This is a stellar and accessible JRPG, and you should go try it as soon as you can.

Octopus caliper

I wasn’t being cute when I mentioned there are some hilarious resemblances between DQ IV and Octopath Traveller; one could easily write a whole article just comparing the two. Basically, Octopath Traveller takes the character driven chapters from the opening sections of DQ IV, and inflates it to fill an entire game. As such, this is certainly a JRPG driven forwards by its protagonists rather than its narrative.

When the game opens, you are asked to pick your first-in-command, who from then on represents the hero/heroine in your party. I measure a game’s consistency by opting for unconventional characters, so I selected Primrose, the dancer and former noblewoman (and nearly an exact copy of DQ IV’s Meena, but that’s another story). Turns out she is also an escort with the ability to ‘allure’ people… definitely a first for me.

Be that as it may, Octopath’s wholehearted committed towards developing its characters is clear from the start. As the story of Primrose’s life began to unfold, it was a heart-braking tragedy of seeking her father’s murderer. She has to descend to the lowest, most sordid pits of society to gain clues about the killer. Dignity means nothing in her task, nor does the appalling abuse from her handler.

Each character’s story has this deep, evocative writing.

Okay who was cutting onions in here, dammit!? In any case, the player then takes over her story when she finally makes a break in her search, and I helped her to escape the crummy pleasure house. From there, you can set off to any of the nearby villages to encounter seven other heroes and heroines that match Primrose’s story of ambition and self-completion.

This is the modus operandi for Octopath from there on in as you will steadily take each of the eight protagonists through the story of reaching their main obsession. As you probably guessed by now, this little companionship eventually begin to recognize how their paths are intertwined. The gang of misfits soon figure out that they are being set on a course by higher powers in order bring about the resurrection of a powerful force, and the destruction of the world.

Better get going!

The side-missions are rather dull, though. They mostly involve talking to one NPC, and then going through a trial and error system of trying each character’s unique ability on another NPC. For instance, the thief can steal something off them, the merchant can buy something off them, or the warrior can duel them.

While it was strangely hilarious challenging a bent-over old woman to a sword duel, I feel like these little side tasks could have been cut altogether. The payoff for their completion was rarely worth the squeeze.

En guard, you old bat! Give me the recipe for that potato pie or I stick you!

It all comes together

When protagonists themselves have to carry the show, they had better be interesting. While I agree that the eight narrative threads are not the most unique – bordering on cliché even – they have all the heart and depth to match Primrose’s tale. Each character has been given a well-written and interesting story that the player will complete over four chapters for each.

This is how Therion’s story begins.

This had the pleasant upside of keeping things fresh narrative wise. RPG’s tend to make the player work to keep up with their narratives and lore which is nice when it works, but there is always the risk of shattering the player’s immersion in the game’s central plot. By moving the story forwards one character at a time, Octopath finds a welcome alternative to this hazard. By the time the player has filled up the gang, they will know each character like an old friend.

Unfortunately, it is here where Octopath also makes its biggest mistake. Namely, characters feel almost completely isolated and at odds with one another. They never appear in each other’s cut scenes, and your party will be limited, in most cases, to four players at a time. Jason Schreier in his Kotaku review made the remark that the game might as well be called ‘Quadpath Traveller,’ and I feel inclined to agree.

I get that having eight people crowded together on screen might not have worked, but the interactions between the heroes themselves are far too sparse. The game gave absolutely no reason for why a thief, merchant, apothecary, exotic dancer and a hunter would want to work together.

You might wanna stay home in that case, Tressa. Also, you can see the resemblance to Torneko’s story in Dragon Quest IV.

Worst of all, the experience you get from completing quests and defeating enemies is not shared with idle party members. I can imagine many players will find themselves swinging around a broad sword with a level 50 fighter who has to babysit a level 18 merchant or apothecary towards the home stretch. At least this compels the player to circulate more often between party members, which prevents sinking into that grinding slump where the same attacks are used over and over again.

These are few of my favourite things

I do not own a Nintendo Switch, so up until now I had to get by with play-throughs on YouTube. I never realised how these videos utterly failed to translate the beauty on display in this game. Perhaps it is the fact that my modest PC can run it in 4K at buttery-smooth frame rates, but now that I actually have it playing out in front of me, I must say I have never experienced anything quite like this.

Damn this game is pretty!

Octopath really is a landmark game in terms of how modern tech can fuse 2D sprites with 3D visual effects. The characters and in-game assets are virtually indistinguishable from what was on our screens in the late nineties, however the shadows, depth of field and lighting effects are all in 3D. It makes that old, pixel art style come to life in a way that dropped my jaw, and when you add the vignette effect on the edges of the screen, the overall look is almost dreamlike.

Then there is the audio. Boys and girls read this carefully because I do not say this lightly: This is the best music I have ever experienced in a role-playing game. It ranges from enthralling, up-beat, folk style guitar jingles matching the lawless cliff side landscapes, to lonesome, harp-infused overtures in the mystical forests scenes. Then there are full, orchestral symphonies to heighten the more sharp and intense moments during battles and dramatic plot moments. It makes for a stunning, aural backdrop to your gameplay, and it is worth the price of admission alone.

youtube

I should point out that I found the cast far too chatty during battles, though. Perhaps this would have been more bearable if not for how often they said the same thing. I can only hear Olberic yell “My blade is UNBENDING!” so many times, and the same goes for that awkward giggle Therion makes every time it comes to his turn to fight. Just turn down the dialogue I guess, which is a shame in light of the solid voice acting.

The combat

There is no need for me to go into the specifics of how the combat mechanics work as it is bog-standard, turn-based battles. Players attack enemies with either a melee weapon or a selection of abilities, and then wait for the opposition to make a move. The developers have gone through considerable lengths to make the menus and sub-menus streamlined, which I found to be a nice touch.

Typical combat scenario. Notice the little blue shield indicating how many hits until the enemy breaks, and that the vulnerabilities of each character has been displayed underneath.

What is actually worth explaining are the three distinct layers Square Enix and Acquire have built into the combat encounters. One layer is the offensive or defensive moves you act out towards enemies, the second is the boost points.

In Dragon Ball Z style, you can boost offensive or defensive moves by ‘charging up’ a character very much like Goku. Every turn grants you a free boost point for a maximum of five, and you can augment your character’s abilities up to a maximum of three levels. Whereas a sword attack or a lightning strike attack might normally do 20 damage for instance, it might do 35 at a level two boost, or 45 at a level three boost.

Little small, sorry, but the yellow dots in the top right corner show boost point available to that character.

Then there is the ‘break’ system which is the game’s strategy to familiarise the player with enemy weaknesses. Each enemy appears on screen with a shield displaying a number. When the player attacks this enemy’s weaknesses directly, this number drops steadily to zero. This is when the enemy experiences a resistance ‘break,’ meaning that they are stunned for a whole round of turns.

All three layers add up to a really engaging combat experience that ensures skilled turned-based veterans can refine the protagonists into a death squad without the risk of newcomers being overwhelmed. I just wish that battles were somehow not random since they occur just a tad too frequently. I would be hard pressed to call Octopath grindy, but repetitive certainly springs to mind.

One of the classics

I never intended to make Octopath Traveller sound like the perfect game. It’s not, but I must say that I think its first reception back in July 2018 was overly harsh. ‘Squeenix’ and Acquire have done a great job with bringing the unforgiving and cryptic JRPG’s of the early nineties forward a few generations. Best of all, they have somehow kept the essence of these games alive in a palpable way.

Boss battle. Bet you cannot tell which one the boss is…

Octopath Traveller looks absolutely gorgeous, is a musical masterpiece and never tries to overcomplicate things. It is rare that the hard-core Final Fantasy and Persona fanboys can sit at the same table as the more casual players who only dabble in this genre from time to time. In this case, Octopath makes one heck of a conversation piece, and it only weighs in at 3.5GB!

Beautiful music

Unique visuals

Character development

Overall simplicity

Somewhat repetitive

No character exchanges

Lackluster side quests

Experience only affects active party

Playtime: About 54 hours . Admittedly this was a bit of a rushed playthrough, and I would recommend investing in leveling up

Computer Specs: Windows 10 64-bit computer using Nvidia GTX 1070, i5 4690K CPU, 16GB RAM – Played using an Xbox One Controller

Octopath Traveller – PC Review published first on https://touchgen.tumblr.com/

0 notes

asksansweredpdf · 5 years

Text

65 questions youre not used to

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? not until now

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? hm like a 3? i talk to spirits so sometimes i worry that they’re around

3. The person you would never want to meet? someone i used to know who things are now awkward with

4. What is your favorite word? oblong or shenanigans

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? idk like a mulberry tree

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? that my hair was sticking up from my sleep

7. What shirt are you wearing? pink & blue stipy crop

8. What do you label yourself as? flamboyant & eccentric

9. Bright room or dark room? dark room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? finishing infinity war or reading fanfic sjdfhjlkf

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? 20

12. Who told you they loved you last? probably my old best friend dom

13. Your worst enemy? i dont really have any enemies. i try to get on with everyone or keep to myself if that’s not possible

14. What is your current desktop picture? a scene from kiki’s delivery service with a window near some greenery

15. Do you like someone? not romantically no. i only ever go to work and work romances are inappropriate

16. The last song you listened to? pussy is gof

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? id like to say someone like trump, but i think his death wouldn’t really lead to much positive change. maybe a billionaire with an heir who would do better with what they have? i’lll have to research this

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? nobody immediately springs to mind.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? technically i’d make someone like jeff bezos my slave and then force him to give his money to the homeless, or to pay his workers a higher wage, or something to that anti-capitalist extent. maybe i’d force major ceos to try and combat global warming if it isnt too late

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) everyone says my eyes - and i do like them, but im inclined to say my hair. i love my hair so much

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? id be super hot with colourings like zayn malik or rdj and id probably immediately jack off dsfjlkdsjfkl

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? no serious answers come to mind

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? asking people for a favour/for help. answering the phone when im not at work

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. my subway usual! white bread, chicken stips with melted cheese, cucumber, capsicum, olives, jalepenos, honey mustard sauce, salt and pepper

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? probably use it to save for a car, or to help fund dad’s trip to america/england that i got roped into having to pay for

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? i have work tomorrow :/ but i guess if i could get out of that i’d go to greece or something?

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? ive never had expensive alcohol so i’d probably get like a scotch whiskey or some usual vodka (but pre-mixed. i always puke when i mix vodka myself)

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? YEEEESSSS, um first rule would be that everyone gets food/shelter/water for free. regardless of who you are.

29. What is your favorite expletive? used to be shit, now i think it’s just fuck.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? my phone

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? g o d. i think i’d erase either my 18th birthday or the day we first moved into the house im living in now

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! fuck yeah i’d go live with harry styles or someone in america or england or whatever. maybe canada. canada seems cool.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? my mum’s father! i’ve always wanted to meet him. we have a lot in common from what i’m told (i was 2 when he died so i dont even remember him). but we’re both leos! we both love dancing and we both love music and singing (he was a musician. and music is like.....all i have). we both like cigarettes and swearing. we both had shit mothers. he seems a cool dude. he had that leo generosity and gave my mum a car and money when she needed it and i never had a good person/parent like that around and i’d love to know him and now im getting sad so. did not see that coming round the corner

34. What was your last dream about? this is going to sound weird but it was about this gross old fat dude sitting in a car next to me (i think my family started driving people around for money in my dream) and he started feeling me up and i told him off.

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? person? artist? singer? student? worker? nope. im not good at much.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? yeah twice that i can recall atm. once when i was 9 months for having a cyst on my ovary, and once when i was 19 for having gastro and puking non-stop.

37. Have you ever built a snowman? nah i wish. it doesnt snow in australia

38. What is the color of your socks? im not wearing any atm but the last pair i wore were red and black deadpool ones

39. What type of music do you like? GOD okay my answer is any type of music. but it has to be good. upbeat music?

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? vanilla or caramel

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) i dont give a shit about sports

43. Do you have any scars? yeah i have one on my lower stomach from the surgery i got for my ovary cyst, one on my right hand from opening a tin of tuna and slicing my hand immediately (i later got food poisoning), i have some embarrassing ass self harm scars on my thighs, and i think that’s it?

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? well i graduate uni in just over a week (next saturday) and i have no clue. at the moment i just want to get a job that has a set amount of hours and a set/steady pay and doesnt make me anxious. a desk job that i’m not terrible at. then i can move out. and once im moved out i wont be in survival mode, and maybe then i can start dreaming. but for now im desperate enough to not even have dreams or wants.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? i would make me more assertive and less anxious. and a bit more funny. a bit more like an aries or a leo. i think i will be more like this when im moved out and secure with a consistent job and consistent living space. i havent had that for like 6 years.

46. Are you reliable? very

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? god what a question. where should i work? and should i get a motorbike or a car? and id just ask for general advice

48. Do you hold grudges? absolutely. to be fair, i consider myself a very understanding and fair person, so it takes a lot to get me mad. but once im there, it’s usually justified and hard to change my mind.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? like maybe a bird and a lion. imagine a flying lion. that’d be sick

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? out of what immediately springs to mind i have 2 equally strong contenders: 1) me, introducing myself to a worker on the first day at my job - “hi, i’m ____ by the way. i don’t think i’ve introduced myself to you yet” “i know.” “oh! sorry haha im just really bad with names and faces haha” "yeah. we went to school together. *walks away* 2) coworker: so how many babies do you think we’ll have to sacrifice to get a bigger back room? me: ........at least 1 million coworker: 1 million? wow! i was thinking like 7! me: 7? wow i really went overboard there. but wait! what counts as a baby? are there age or weight restrictions or? coworker: hm i think it’s like anyone under the age of 4 me: oh under 4? so if you kill a 5 year old and sacrifice it, then you’ve just wasted a kill and it doesn’t count? coworker: yeah pretty much.....i’ve done that a few times, actually. their parents were not happy me: yeah i’d imagine just as much. imagine having to have that conversation with their parents like ‘uhh sorry about that’ coworker: yeah and it was all for nothing too

51. Are you a good liar? yes, when i know the people and situation well. i usually plan out my lies in advance, but for whatever reason im actually a better liar when im thinking on my feet and improvising the lies. have no idea how or why.

52. How long could you go without talking? fucking forever. i’m great at talking, a very good conversationalist. but fuck i love not having to talk to people. it’s so much effort.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? my mum cut a fringe for me when i was 12.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? all the time! i love baking

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? nope

56. What do you like on your toast? vegemite, egg, honey & peanut butter, sometimes jam (mostly when im high)

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? captain phasma

58. What would be you dream car? a 59 cadillac, or most ferraris

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. i dont usually sing in the shower, but i do enjoy a good shower dance routine

60. Do you believe in aliens? for sure! our universe is too huge and constantly expanding for there to be just us

61. Do you often read your horoscope? god you dont even want to know how much i fucking love astrology. astrology is my mind. it occupies about 1/3 of all my thoughts and i immediately try to figure out people’s signs within the first .... maybe 5 seconds of meeting them.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? maybe p or r or v

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? dinosaurs

64. What do you think about babies? cute when they’re not mine and i can give them back to their mothers after 5 minutes

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

#mine

1 note · View note

alszila · 5 years

Text

"those who are heartless, once cared too much"

Why am I just realized that I’m the one sabotaging my own happiness. I’ve been pushing ppl away for as long as I could remember and last week!? Venus rx made me think and wort rx ever. Cuz I never realized how much I hurt ppl with my passive aggressiveness/ detachment. I did certainly regret a lot of thingsin the past. But it’s no use looking at the past all I need to do now is move on and clear my heart charka . I once scared too much and what I got was heart broken so since that day I told myself never again. Even if I’ll never feel things anymore. I just want to be like a robot with no feelings. Ive learnt it the hard way and I don't think ill ever recovered from that. but this recent Venus rx forced me to dive deep into things that I've buried deep inside; my failed relationships. it made me looked at this clearly as ever. I'm the main problem I'm the toxic one . I'm the crazy one. I'm the detached one. I think I've finally learn my lesson. I need to follow my intuition and trust it. I've always thought there is sth very wrong with me cuz I'm not able to feel romantic attraction toward ppl. since its what society expects what teenage girls talked about (which is stupid ). Ive been told I'm weird and such.so this made me think maybe I'm just programmed differently. I can count how many times I felt romantically attracted to someone 3!! 3!!! people in my entire life. I've just discovered “aromatic “. Im so happy and reliefed when I came across this info. anyways, my thought are flowing crazy and I know this post won't make any sense or whatsoever(probably no one ever read it ha). when this recent Venus rx in scorpio hits. I can't sleep .When I closed my eyes I saw 2 ppl I hurt deeply and I can't help but distracted myself. I hurt the girl that I deeply connected with cuz at the time I was not ready to out myself as bi and was also not ready to let love in. the other one was a dude that I had a crash on and I knew the feeling was mutual but I ghost out cuz. I can't handle it. the attraction was so strong and my rational mind kept telling me this is a red flag so yeah. I did what sensible adult will do I ghost him out. and I regretted it ever since . Idk why but I can't shake things off with him. we never got intimate but idk why me just shake things up for me. idk if thing make sense or not but when I first saw him at school I thought to myself wow this is the guy of my dream. I feel like home with him I do like his energy the sent out very welcoming very warm (which is opposite of me). he reminds me of who I was when life didn't hit me when I was still innocent are care about things so deeply. I guess universe has a way to tell us thing. Probably the reason I can't stop thinking about is that I see myself in him.and the universe wants to be be the person I was when I was young. the person who love life the person who are loving are passionate about life /things. life hits me with curlity and broken hearts. I was tired and I loose faith so I start to put on this mask for better or worse lives goes on. like the saying "those who are heartless, once cared too much" . To this day I still remembered how he made me feel even tho how he looked had buried in my mind but not the vibes he made me feel. the rx really is a eye opener and thank you universe for making this clear. it doesn't even matter if I ever gonna meet him again cuz we never had a future to begin with. for a whileihad this fixation that he was my twin flame and I stand by it. looking back I feel so stupid. I don't even meat anything to him and how funny is that he meant everything to me.

0 notes

rokusensei · 6 years

Text

ok so its 2.24am on the 25th of september i moved in on the 22nd of september so the saturday i spent the whole of saturday having a really awful breakdown that just sapped all my energy out and then on sunday i half continued it half messed around for a bit , went up to the store to buy some stuff i had forgotten, ate a bit and found out i need to not eat nothing because my stomach is not the way it used to be at the height of that little eating disorder as mine, sat aorund a lot. on the 24th i did all my enrolment and my induction day speeches which was a lot . doing things at university definitely is a way to stop feeling so weird and alien but it still doesnt do it that much for me... lots of students from this country came to university with their friends and they point at notice boards to names of other people, older than them, from their schools, and its like wow, awkward.,,

i had dinner with some international students though so i feel a little better about idk everyting even though i hyperanalyse the whole thing and everything i said and everything they said but its like whatever i have to force myself to let go a little bit . and one girl i met a while ago at the open day is here as well which is a huge relief just to have another face i recongise and thats about it

flatmates i havent really spoken to and i feel like a freak for not doing so but what else can ido..i just sit in my room and cry on and off so imm thankful i have internet friends even if they have to see me talking to myself about how lonely i feel and etc etc etc. and im thankful i dont live too far away from home and can visit a lot . because i need too not just because they got a cat the second i left but because im crazy and i dont feel comfortable anywhere else.. idont thik im ready to move out at all and forcing myself to this year was a leap a little too soon and im probab;y saying this early but whatever maybe if i was living by myself itd be different but sharing with flatmates i dont really know or can be comfortable around at all freaks me out so i end up avoiding them when i want to go out to the kitchen or anything and i just spend a lot of time sitting nervously in my room . le sigh. i dont know.i hope things get easier bc thatwould be epic but im not holding out for hope and i have 3 books i need to read for next week and theyre all huge (paradise lost, the pardoners tale, the bible) and its like if noting else goes well at least i can sit alone in my room and read those, think about that, spend even more time by myself, but its fine and its easy to read on the train and its easy to sit at home and read and just be in my bedroom instead of being in this weird freaky little room that im scared of

something else i should say for future me cringing down atall these old posts is when i had my breakdown on the 22nd before my parents left i was freaking out and telling my mother that i feel unsafe and paranodi and im having hallucinations etc and ik she doesnt really give a fuck theway i want hertoo nd she said shed callthe doctor and arrange an appointment for me but she probably hasnt and instead shed rather ask me over the phone why i havent gone outside yet why i havent spoken to my flatmates yet but its whatever i wanted to try and talk to the doctor when i got here just to talk to a doctor and egt some conformation that i am actually like. ill. and im not just super bad at coping with things everyone has bc i think thatd kill me but its just so hard to get towards that and its just so hard to get someone to sit down in a room with me just so i can tell them that i think whatevers going on with me is just not normal

mentor greetings tomorrow at 1pm and then it finishes at 2pm and ijm coming back to my dorm to read and sleep probably.. wednesday ihave some tours at midday.. thursday i have nothing friday i have a meeting with my personal tutor. ive been sleeping a lot these days because i feel so upset all the time and sometimes it feels like everyones a little sick of my endless breakdown but whatever im in hell and this is going to last all year probably .so i end up sleeping a lot and walking around the local streets a lot and theres a bunch of stuff on this week like freshers fairs and stuff and i want to join these unions and clubs and societies but you know its hard. theres 3 diffwrent journalism ones and id love to join one of them but its like what do i haveto say. at all. do i have anything to say. bc university is all about finding out who you are and what you want to do and etc etc etc but rly who am i. at all.

0 notes

classycollectorartisanposts-blog · 6 years

Text

Kinderhook New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 12106

"Kinderhook New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 12106

Kinderhook New York Cheap car insurance quotes zip 12106

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolution.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr