God the new ultimate guide sucks
It's not JUST the awful art, either. The art's just worth mentioning because even if the book's info had been terrible or contained nothing new, really cute art can make it still worth having.
But, no, it's even full of recycled lines we've been hearing for years like "Bramblestar Can Match Squirrelflight's Fire Not Contain It," and that's when it DOES get everything right. These entries leave out major, important details (making them bad summaries) and are sometimes even straight-up incorrect.
SUMMARY THOUGHTS
Leafpool is said to have watched Brambleclaw kill Hawkfrost to save Firestar-- but for one, no, she was not there because Ashfur was still leading her and Squilf towards the scene. For two, no, Brambleclaw did not kill Hawkfrost just to save Firestar, it was self-defense. Hawkfrost had him pinned and was going to kill him.
They're REAL cute about Leafpool's death, too, neglecting to mention WHY the Sisters needed to be saved at all and just saying Leafpool's "generosity" lead to her death in that cave-in.
I'm not even going to get into everything on Bramble's entry jesus christ.
Sagewhisker's entry is ESPECIALLY fucken' dandy, framing Yellowfang's Secret like she was simply waiting patiently for Yellow to realize her 'destiny' and not actively shoving it on her at every opportunity.
Leopardstar's entry states that romantic interest in Tigerstar was part of her motivation. "Perhaps she'd hoped he would be her mate" please speak to a woman irl for once in your life.
Gray Wing's entry forgot that the reason he "blamed himself" for Bright Stream's death is because he was literally staring at his big strong brother too much and tripped on a root in front of him. It IS his fault she died.
Clear Sky/Skystar's entry is just obscene. "He regretted abandoning his son and after a fire, he encouraged him to live with him" instead of "saw his teenage child was useful now and bullied and belittled the kid and his uncle into letting Thunder come with him." "Retaining his fierceness towards his cats and outsiders which caused his son to leave" instead of "murdering, brutalizing, and abusing everyone around him caused Thunder to leave." I'll just say this tho; "Fierce" is an interesting way to spell "Cruel."
It's interesting that they don't point out that a major part of Jagged Peak's arc was proving he was "Just As Good" as every other cat in spite of his disability, thanks to his introduced-and-pregnant-in-the-same-book wife becoming his life coach, only earning Clear Sky's respect after being allowed to physically lead a patrol in Blazing Star. Instead they frame him finding his place through taking care of kits, which... was something he seemed to resent in the actual series, considering how the books suddenly treat Gray Wing's protective treatment of him as a terrible thing in Blazing Star because he "didn't give him a chance". But at the same time I actually strongly dislike Jagged Peak and his messy, frustrating character arc so I'm not really UPSET with it. Just... noting it. I suppose this is the official direction they're taking away from it?
Shadowstar's entry is barely even 3 paragraphs yikes.
SHORT STORY THOUGHTS
And if you're wondering if the 4 brand new stories they smooshed into the end in a desperate attempt to make the rush job worth buying are good? No. Of course not. They're all slop.
Story 1: Firestar and Graystripe
First one's a marginally cute story about Graystripe and Firestar which is setting up the framing device linking the mini-tales together. They both remember this situation where Firestar fell into a ditch wrong. The punchline is that Thunderstar remembers it perfectly and they're both like, "WOW! Too bad Thunderstar's memory sucks!"
It's not terrible, but it does feel a bit pointless. But, hey, if you want more Firestar and Graystripe in the series that tosses them fanservice at every turn, who am I to judge?
Story 2: Dovewing and Ivypool
The next one is the Dovewing/Ivypool reconciliation passage everyone's talking about. It's... fine, but immensely dissatisfying to me.
Dovewing is apparently having problems adjusting to her Clan, grapples a little bit with the fact she has no friends but is going to be finding meaning in helping tigerHeartstar "bring the new ShadowClan into existence." She ultimately decides that she needs to talk to her sister, and begs for reassurance that Ivypool believes in her, feeling that her support can help her get through this difficult time in her life.
I think its biggest problem is that Dovewing was not the right choice for the POV here.
Dove was never the one responsible for the rift in their relationship. Ivypool is. Ivypool is the one who was jealous, willing to sabotage anything that would put Dovewing closer to Tigerheart, and continues to be generally aggressive towards her. So when Dovewing is reaching out to Ivypool in hopes of them reconciling, it feels wrong because Ivypool is the one that should be reaching out to Dovewing. SHE is the one who has some things to apologize for, and to show how much she loves and misses her.
It's even kind of frustrating, because Dovewing can never catch a break. She has to have these problems to force her to reach out, Ivypool even ends up suggesting that she leave and come home and take her kids with her, but in the end even a LITTLE bit of assurance from her aggressive sister helps.
I feel super bad for Dovewing, man. She deserves better than this cheap writing. What was the point of such an unsatisfying, rushed reconciliation, shoved into a crummy field guide, when we KNOW from the newest book that they're just going to use tension between them as part of the drama anyway?
shouldn't have even been written, imo. Even ends off with, "They'll always have each other :)" which is so... cliche. It's TIRED. Are any of you really happy with just getting a retconned platitude in a good-for-nothing field guide, instead of seeing complicated, INTERESTING feelings in a main book?
Story 3: Alderheart and Twigbranch
A tale of Cherryfall getting sick during TBC and Alderheart sneaks back into the territory to treat her. Also Crowfeather has a scene where he yells at him. Charming.
Twigbranch comes up with a diversion while Alderheart does his work, which is cute. It's a fine story.
Story 4: Clear Sky
Trash. Three dogs spawn in the middle of a gathering so that Skystar can have an uwu big boy sendoff saving his grandkit. Then he goes to StarClan and throws a fit because they can't give him ANOTHER life, becoming so upset that he attacks the nearest woman. Naturally, Shadowstar brushes it off because it's not the first time Clear Sky has pummeled her in the midst of an adult tantrum and this book series thinks violence is fine if their favorite sadboy does it.
Then Gray Wing brings him to the magic mirror pool where you can see the living, to confirm that Star Flower is ok and that makes him feel better.
Then it launches into Firestar saying "ouuuugh yum I LOVE the taste of his butthole. Clear Sky is so misunderstood, He Just Loved Too Much."
to which Graystripe responds, "Yes, he was a good and amazing person and his farts smells SO good, and can you believe that some people think StarClan punished his Clan for his arrogance? As if he ever did anything wrong, ever?"
Firestar, indignant, refutes it with, "Ugh!! StarClan would NEVER be interesting, we don't punish living cats we just float around and make vague, frustrating prophecies that do nothing but pad the word count. Why cant ppl understand that, gosh."
who wrote this? Gray Wing??
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Me: Okay, gotta go to sleep so I can wake up early and continue stressing over finals, so I’m gonna think calm scenarios with low stakes to fall asleep to
Me: Like…an older captain having a crush on a younger crewmate that wasn’t even ranked high enough to be on the bridge, so the captain of course never said or did anything about the crush, staying completely professional the entire time, but now they don’t work together anymore
Me: And now the captain is wondering if they should pursue a relationship with them, because they aren’t currently working on the same ship anymore, but the captain is still ranked higher then them overall, and then there’s the issue with the age gap, it’s not really a big one, but it’s still There™️
Me: And several other crewmembers have joked about seeing the captain as a parent figure because they act so professional and competent and dependable and stuff that it just makes the captain come across as way older and oh god what if the crewmate is just horrified to find out the captain has a crush on them??
Me: And they’re wondering if they should just not pursue anything, especially since the crewmate has recently accepted to go on a date with another person, but they also kinda don’t wanna give up because getting to hang out with that crewmate more in non-work settings (cause most of the crew stayed in contact and constantly meet up to hang out) has made their infatuation grow, so they quietly and indecisively pine
My brain, for some goddamn reason: Mhm, and then, it turns out that person the crewmate agreed to go on a date with, is actually a huge creep trying to stalk their poor ex using the crewmate as a coverup (claiming to innocently be on a date, totally unknowing the ex would be there (lies)), so not only is the date really crappy, but because this creep isn’t actually listening to what the crewmate is saying, they tune them out about their deadly allergies
Brain: And then to seem like a good date to keep the coverup going, they stop by a flower shop (still stalking their ex, the crewmate isn’t aware of that, but is aware this date sucks and is trying to think of how to politely leave) rushes in, and then comes out and shoves a bouquet into the crewmate’s face as a “thoughtful” gift, and it’s the flowers they just mentioned being extremely allergic to-
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mera i am so excited for TMDG, you’ve been dropping hints about it every now and then like girl you’re teasing us at this point (affectionate)
i can feel that it’s going to be a masterpiece, you are cookin so much for us like what did we do to deserve you 。°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°。
and the recent one with azul…it made me so!!!! (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) will you write something happy or lighthearted for our poor tako now that he’s home? i can imagine him kneeling on the floor gripping your ankles right now, asking for orgiveness and a happy ending lmao
also take care and keep safe always!!
Forgive the occasional teases!! I can't help it!!!! 80 pages in and I am vibrating with excitement AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! o(≧∇≦o) it reads like Azul thought 4 with a romantic tone, so if you've ever wanted scary, yet also fluffy yandere eel you will hopefully enjoy it (I think and hope. ^^;;;;)!!! :D TMDG may just be my Jade magnum opus. I have had too much fun writing it and I think that will be obvious when you read it hehehe. Thank you for looking forward to it and saying it will be a masterpiece!!!! ♡( ◡‿◡ ) everyone who likes Jade (and Floyd) will be feasting because there are plenty of yummy scenes!!!!
^^;;; perhaps "sad" was too much of an understatement. It is a tragic fic for both Azul and the reader... If tako is at my feet begging for forgiveness, who I am to ignore him? ❀⸜(˶´ ˘ `˶)⸝❀ although I will probably write something fluffy for him! It looks like most are in favor of giving Azul his discord mod fic, so he may just get his happy ending after all!
Thank you for your kind words!!! <3 please also be sure to take care of yourself and stay safe!!!!!
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Every time I think I had it bad in the 2000s as a growing sapphic, I recall that they had to deal with shit like this in the 90s
Y'all, what the fuck was this?! Is it as bad as every summary makes it seem?
There's a word (a couple, actually) for a woman who sleeps with men and women and other genders. It even applies if she finds herself more attracted to women. There's a concept. There's a whole thi-
So the obstacle in this rom-com for this pairing IS HER BEING A LESBIAN. It's the complication. And guess what that means - it is overcome eventually. That's right. The guy gets the girl. They break up because he finds out he's not the first guy who got with this lesbian. Like how dare. He thought HE was so special that a lesbian chose him to be THEE one and only man for her lol.
It's bierasure at its worst (imo, as someone not bisexual, I could be wrong. The sideplot could've still existed between the friends but the main plot, the romantic sl, seems to rely on her being termed a lesbian or gay) AND a disgusting representation of a lesbian character during a time we were so deeply misunderstood and too many people thought lesbians just hadn't found the "right" man yet.
And listen, I'm not trying to tell anyone who or what they are. If you're indeed a sapphic who identifies as a lesbian who occasionally sleeps with or dates men, whatever, label yourself how you want. I don't get in people's business like that. Do what feels right. But it's rather damaging for this to be a major movie character, especially at this time.
So, please tell me, this hugely popular film doesn't really go like this...
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