#with no pain and with your full mind

[theloveinc]

plagued by thoughts of bakugo losing his mind if pregnancy makes you food averse for w/e reason

#i think if bakugo ever sees you wrinkle your nose at something food wise he's getting concerned #and like not like. oh are u okay. concerned but like ... full on . hold the phone. what did you just say??? #he suggests your favorite for dinner and you're like ... ehhh idk sounds kinda bad for some reason and he's almost calling 911 #maybe this is how u find out ur pregnant in the first place lol #he's so like. mad-worried about you not eating. nearly gets a hernia and is so ready for the fcking baby to arrive so you'll eat again #he has phamtom preeclampsia with you LOOOOOOL #honeslt y i was thinking abt this bc i was like. we all know bakugo likes to. cook but when does he have time to get better at it??? #when you start refusing to eat normal *ss things and he needs to make you something strange for every meal just so he can see you put #something in your stomach #but now that i'm thinking abt it can u imagine bakugo cooking in the dorms #.......my landlady just gave me a bunch of green oranges and i was like. ok guess i have to make marmalade i guess LOOOOOOL #and that's how i imagine bakugo #deku is like what are u cooking and bakugo is like. your rotten vegetables #anyway bakugo sympathy pains ON MY MIND #shii posts #gen #pregnancy tw

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i walked into a situation today where my mom was effectively already dead. effectively bc her body was and is still alive. still breathing #painful groaning purrs. but her mind was gone yesterday. my dad said he showed her a picture of the mountains i took that day and told her #i loved her and she smiled. thats what he said. maybe he was just being nice. or maybe thats the last time she thought of me. i dunno. but #the human body is an incredible thing. shes got a heart still powering a broken body. too full of tumors to function anymore. stomach #streched like a pregnant mother. it happed really fast and now its happening very slow #im somehow probably better off than the rest of them. i only got here for the aftermath of a downslide. my daily life will b least effected #i only really saw her twice a year living so far away and she didnt text much. didnt call often. so life wont change much ill just kno shes #not there. which is sad. but theres nothing to b done abt it. life goes on. it hasnt been all bad tho. its nice to talk to my family abt her #how incredible she was. bc she was. wish her mom wasnt here tho. she doesn't deserve to b here. my mom wouldnt want her here. she didnt want #her here. but anyway. i wish her body would just let her go now. so we can sleep. so this can be over. so she can rest #but even like this shes stubborn and resilient. they say it could go on for days but i hope not. may the universe let her rest shes gotta b #so tired after 10 years of this. but i have no regrets. she knew how i felt abt her. and i dont think she had regrets either. she did so #much up to the very end. went out on a high note without the burdon of knowing it was coming #i dunno. its just such a strange experience to watch the empty shell of your mother sleeping like a gurgling baby #unrelated

[criticalrolo]

i love posting about a show that none of u followed me for, for a solid month. i am going to complain about things that you have no context for and that's just the way it has to be. anyway. I love the dynamics in 3zun and im obsessed with the Vibes but trying to find good Content for them is fucking impossible if you happen to actually like nie mingjue 💀 based on the vibes you get about jgy and nmj from ao3 and fans on this website you would nEVER guess which one tortured and murdered the other LMAO

#bitch i swear. none of these 3zun writers actually even like him #it's really weird! like they genuinely hate the guy. why is he here in the fic and the relationship then!! #it literally seems like the only reason it's tagged as 3zun and not as xiyao is because they want nmj there to bash him. it's insane #jgy pulled the equivalent of switching out nmjs IV bag and filling it with poison for months until his brain actually exploded. #obv i LOVE that kind of relationship #aljfljkdas the succession line of Hey Do You Really Want To Do A Full Accounting Of All The Pain In Our Relationship? line comes to mind #when im reading these fics. god bless #nmj: i am sorry for not taking class into account when evaluating your daily life and for kicking you down those stairs. #jgy: i am sorry for killing several of your disciples in cold blood; torturing you; and murdering you horrifically in front of your brother #like. guys #what are we doing here DLKJDSKJGHKSDLF

[fabledteeth]

something something the aesthetic use of body horror in bg3 and it’s central theme revolving around bodily autonomy and the complete and utter lack of it

#somethin’ bout the fleshy innards of moonrise towers #……. #tooth talks #bg3 #like it’s about the flesh and blood and bones and…something…. #you never have autonomy. volo is going to pluck out your eye. someone placed a bomb in your chest and you had no say in it #someone forced you to grow horns and gave you a forked tongue #someone created you to be consumed and then literally carved a deed of ownership into your skin #you belong to vlaakith or shar and your memories are ours to take and your own people will think you disgusting for what has been put inside #your head #there is now a tadpole in your brain and it allows others to peer into your mind and it will eventually consume you body and soul from the #inside out. it will melt your flesh off your bones and turn our insides to goo and it will literally obliterate You entirely #but it will keep your memories. it will keep the metaphysical shape of you. #but You are gone. you are consumed. you were destroyed in a horrific body horror fleshy pain ritual #and you never had a choice about what was going to happen #WHAT IF I LOST MY MIND #bg3 spoilers #im rambling cus im reading for class and understanding nothing the adhd is in full force nr #rn* #by aesthetic I mean like. environment designs n stuff #like the nautiloid etc being made of organic material and such #like mind flayers are alien creatures that literally obliterate your physical form but all their technology is made of flesh. of the very #thing they consume #their designs themselves are incredibly Organic (exposed brain) #god. godddd. #this fucking game. #haven’t felt this way abt a game since botw #goddddddd #I think I maybe used the word metaphysical wrong but. hum

[wachi-delectrico]

Gonna get spicy for a second and say that everyone loves spewing hate about narcissistic (NPD) parents and how awful parents with personality disorders are, but if someone were to make a post with the exact same cadence about ADHD parents they'd get shot in public at first sight

#rambling #Lemme clarify and extend my point here (cos I feel ppl could really misinterpret this one) #Am I saying people should just accept the abuse of parents if said parents have a personality disorder? No #Am I saying people with ADHD parents have it worse or that both experiences are comparable and exactly the same? No #What I'm saying is that ppl are much more eager to call out abusive or neglectful behaviour from ppl w personality disorders bc #they're seen as 'scary' or 'monstrous' and inherently evil so they have no qualms going full force at it. They think -pd ppl are the devil #But adhd in ppl's general views could never be the source of such pain from a parent to a child; ADHD ppl are seen as childish #and harmless and clueless and silly and tbh a bit stupid. Besides they could never hurt a 'monster' by jumping the gun at -pd ppl right? #'normal people don't have personality disorders so this can't affect me! But normal people can have adhd!' #That's the core of my complaint: one is dehumanised as a destructive monster; the other is as an innocent victim child #And both (parent w -pd & w adhd) can be pretty bad in their own uniqie ways! But such a thing is never considered - for the #societal construct of the child - that neurodivergencies get pushed into - is of an untainted pure inherently clueless being below human #From my exp and the exp of other friends lemme say: having an adhd parent can suck so much ass! Lol #I grew up with two opposing ideals troubling my mind: my mothers obvious overwhelming love; and the shadow her constant absence cast #She loved me so much and did as much as she could; but constantly forgot about my care and my needs and made rash choices #I think about that more and more as i age; especially as i go to doctors over and over for problems i have had since forever #It is an awful feeling to have sink in your heart: how a parent's love isn't enough; how 'maturing quick' isn't a blessing but a curse #As i grew i stopped telling my mom about my needs my school things and my life bc i got used to her forgetfulness and lack of organisation #It meant irregular eating schedules & inadequate meals. In 5th grade I'd eat table scraps at school cos my mom couldn't remember #how I'd tell her over and over that the food had to be in a specific way or it'd get burnt in the school's oven #I'd go to the 'first' dr appointment to deal w an ongoing problem & then she'd forget to schedule the following ones #You get the idea #Kind of a weird post w a strange framing device but I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Smth triggered this thought last night #I'll also never forget a few months ago when i went go a specialist for my hEDS - told her I've known all my life but never got treatment #Also just. The crushing feeling of the dr saying ''you should've gotten your own med team to work ur case since u were young!' #And just. silently nodding & wanting to cry feeling validated but also so hurt looking @ the obvious neglect #Anyways hey how did this therapy session go Doctor

[abelllia]

Re-reading the MAG 160 transcript and I want to bite Elias’ head off so bad

#grrr the way he says OUR victory and the world WE have made makes me want to strangle him so bad #he fuckin scientifically engineered the statement to be as painful as possible on jon #this is based on how i interpret the scene so keep that in mind #because he’s really sharing the blame with jon as much as possible here #really drilling it into his head that while yes elias was the guy behind the scheme JON was the one to carry it out #and made multiple CHOICES (though w/o knowing the full picture) to carry it out #Jon has a guilt complex the size of a fucking train #it’s possible that he would already have had similar thoughts even w/o Elias saying them out loud #but the fact that he DOES say them out loud I think would really cement it into Jon’s mind #now that it’s been spoken and jon has FELT it in his bones there’s no chance he WOULDN’T ponder over it #as if he even WANTED to do at all #it makes me so mad like SKELSVDNJFLSKNDVF #JONAH SHUT YOUR TRAP HE NEVER WANTED ANY OF THIS #and then a clip from an earlier episode plays in my brain of ‘no you didn’t want any of this but you chose this’ #like UGHHHU #he made this statement to be as painful as possible is my stance #he made sure to hit a lot of points that he KNEW would hurt #hits on the web/mr. spider’s mark implying jon was set for doom at the start #strengthens that it was Jon’s choice to be a monster #that he’s the one who caused all the misfortunes that surround him #and then rubs it in THAT HE COULD HAVE BEEN FREE FROM ALL THIS IF JONAH (and the Web) HADN’T SPECIFICALLY CHOSEN *HIM* #it was not destiny but SHEER FUCKING ROTTEN LUCK #AGHHHHH #anyway *cough* #tma #MAG 160 #abellrambles

[derpu-doodles]

(pats the top of his head) this guy can fit So Much Sadness in him

whoops I popped off in the tags

#KURAMA. SWEETIE. BABY. YOU POOR SOUL #it's so funny because I did Not like this motherfucker when I first started playing Monark #I was like YOU LITTLE SHIT at him 24/7 #BUT THEN AS I SHATTERED HIS IDEALS I STARTED TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HIM #AND MY POOR BABY!! JUST WANTS TO MAKE SURE NOBODY DIES WHEN HE COULD STOP IT EVER AGAIN!!! #BECAUSE WHEN HE WAS LITTLE HIS BROTHER/BEST FRIEND DIED BY GETTING HIT BY A CAR WHEN CROSSING THE STREET #AND HE BLAMES HIMSELF FOR IT TO THIS DAY #BECAUSE HE COULD'VE WARNED HIS BUDDY OR HELD HIM BACK #AND HE H A T E S HIMSELF FOR THAT #HE DOESN'T EVEN WANNA LET HIMSELF CRY ANYMORE #HE DOESN'T THINK HE DESERVES TO #HE THINKS HE DESERVES TO SUFFER FOR IT INSTEAD OF LETTING HIS HEART REST #AND THE LYRICS TO HIS BOSS FIGHT SONGGGG #''if I reach out my hand I can see your face again #so full of love and wistful pain before vanishing away #if I just close my eyes would it bring me peace of mind? #playing pretend behind a righteous mask of makeshift justice'' #LIKE!!!!!!!!! SCREAMING SOBBING SLAMMING DESK #aNYWAY #Monark #Monark game #Monark Kurama #Kurama Hitotsubashi #I thought the DR3 Council tag was bad but I think I'm literally the first person ever to post Kurama on Tumblr #or at least tag him

[thefrontierfacade]

Millions of years of tooth and nail evolution just to have our pinnacle monkey brain rotten, to the core, by scores of colorful brand options in a crushing currency based " society " where 1% of simians stifle all of human ingenuity (nuclear war would be a kindness for the spirit of man)

#meme #pizza rolls #consumer culture #surreal #pain #stick figure #consumer cognizance death drive like an alligator death roll takes its full toll and venomous control of your weary mind #capitalism

[ikkaku-of-heart]

Talking with @akagamiko and I just love discussing with them how the relationship between Ikkaku's grandfather (Tomasu) and Roger was just so Law and Luffy-shaped, lol. Like, poor Tomasu's blood pressure must have skyrocketed every time the Oro Jackson came into view because he knew his carefully-crafted plan now had a massive wrench thrown into it and he was going to have to just throw it out and now plan around this constant headache that will one day become Pirate King. This gif just perfectly encapsulates Tomasu and Law's energy when it comes to these two chaos gremlins.

Someday Tomasu will meet Luffy and see him and Law interact and he's just going to go "Oh. Oh no. That poor, damned fool." Then he'll offer Law some of his strongest moonshine because that man is gonna need it.

#Working of the Mind (headcanons) #Ghostlight Grandfather (Tomasu) #Golden King (Roger) #Oh Captain My Captain (Law) #Allied Chaos (Luffy) #(I'm sorry Law but Gramps has seen your future and it's full of chaos) #(he will at least help you numb the pain with booze) #(also Leonard Snart is so both Law and Tomasu and I love it)

[neverendingparable]

Mike Walters 🤝 Bradley Spencer

thinking they would disassociate during extreme pain but are instead forced to witness every second of it

#wbg au #backwards!stanley #mike walters #i mean woe.begone is where i got the idea lol #its a very special kind of horror #theres no relief not even your own mind #trapped in a body full of pain and pain and pain and pain

[cloudblaze]

Big ramble ahead but, okay. It kind of bothers me when people say Cinderpelt was forced to become a medicine cat. That language would seem to imply that she was forbidden from becoming a warrior, when that just... wasn't the situation.

After breaking her leg, she couldn’t walk properly. Travel became slow and exhausting for her, and as a result, everyone was worried that she couldn’t be a warrior. Up until this point in her life, becoming a warrior was the path basically everyone took, and if she couldn’t physically handle warrior duties, she feared that she was useless. But Yellowfang appreciated her company in the medicine den. She started giving her tasks to help her feel useful, and Cinderpelt began to regain some of her self esteem. After she had been helping out in the medicine den — not as an apprentice, but as a friend — for some time, Yellowfang made it clear how valuable she was as an assistant. When she eventually offered to take her on as an apprentice, Cinderpelt was overjoyed. She loved the crabby old cat and the work she did for her, and she was very dedicated to both.

I think the idea that her life was a tragedy because she switched to medicine cat training comes not from the first arc where her story actually takes place, but from Power of Three. When you’re years removed from a narrative, it’s very easy to think back on it and recontextualize it to fit into your own mindset. And that’s exactly what Power of Three did to her. In that arc, we do have a disabled protagonist forced to become a medicine cat (which is an even more complex topic), and Cinderpelt’s reincarnation of sorts as Cinderheart for the purpose of living the life she was supposedly meant to have. It’s... a bit of a tricky issue, because the notion that her life was a waste because of her disability is... troubling, to say the least. And the interpretation that her life was a waste because she didn’t cling stubbornly to the warrior path isn’t much better.

The reason this bothers me is because I feel, based on the books she's actually alive in, that she lived a full life (or would have, had she not died young). Cinderpelt wanted to be a warrior, yes. Her entire culture glorifies being a warrior more than anything. After her injury, she had to give up on that dream and pick up another. And she was a fantastic medicine cat! Before she was even officially made Yellowfang’s apprentice, she was praised for her enthusiasm, good memory, efficiency, and trustworthiness. It’s pointed out that she’s a quick learner and good with patients, and we see this regularly too. She was very determined, always going out of her way to do the right thing, even when she wasn’t allowed to. And this, combined with her medicinal skills, allowed her to touch so many lives. Cinderpelt didn’t accomplish the things she planned for when she was little, but her potential was not lost.

I’m not claiming that Warriors isn’t ableist at times. But I notice a tendency for folks to reframe every disabled character’s life as a sad tale of someone being forced to give up their dreams and live a worse life because no one believed in them — even when that isn’t really the case. Disability is a very complicated and sensitive subject that needs to be written with more care than it often is. But for a character to face limitations due to their disability, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad writing and/or the abled characters around them are terrible. For a character to lose something as big as their dream, their goals, their ability to keep up with their peers... I don’t believe that alone is unrealistic or cruel. What matters far more for me in a story is how the disabled character handles their limitations and where they go from there. Please understand, also, that sometimes handling limitations is not the same as overcoming them. Not everything can be overcome. What’s important is what you do with what you have.

I may not have a twisted leg, but I do have a neurological disorder that has impacted every area of my life at one point or another. My spasms have been severe enough to injure me many times, and for years I couldn’t learn to drive because I was too afraid (and often rightly so) that it would be unsafe with my condition. I eventually had to give up on my education and dream job because of my failing health in general. For a long while, I was afraid I could never amount to anything because I couldn’t do any of the things I’d been aiming for since childhood. But with time, my situation has changed. I aimed for more realistic goals, bearing in mind that my disorder is made far worse by stress and exhaustion. My symptoms are less severe these days because I’m no longer stressing myself out trying to force my way through a career that my disability is simply not compatible with. Things aren’t perfect. But I’m figuring out a better way to proceed.

I think you get the picture. What I’m trying to say, and what Cinderpelt’s story means to me... is that having to give up on something doesn’t mean you’ve wasted your life, it doesn’t mean that you’re worth any less, and it certainly doesn’t mean you’ve been defeated. When bad things happen, you may not be able to return to how life was before. And maybe that’s okay.

#this has been on my mind a lot recently especially after finishing dark river #because that's the book that confirms the cinderpelt / cinderheart connection #i know not everyone feels the same but that's okay #we all have our own ways of looking at the world and at fiction and that's kind of important #again i'm not claiming that this series handles disability perfectly because i know it definitely doesn't #but there are certain points where... i think people are misremembering situations #or just interpreting them really differently because they have a really different life and experiences #this is just my perspective based on my own experience #oh also i left it vague up there bc i didn't want to make this post all about my disorder but what i have is tourette syndrome #i can sometimes suppress my tics or focus them into one spot like my hand for a while but they do come out eventually #it's like trying to hold in a sneeze all day long. but with your entire body lol #so when i was in college i'd have only mild twitches during class and then come home and have painful full body tic attacks #like i said it's not as severe now as it was a couple years ago thanks to better stress management but i still have tics every single day #i know they're likely to get worse again when i start working full time so i'm looking for work that won't be impacted by that

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ever sit like a corpse in your own body? #im doing a job i wasnt designed for. theres this funny thing we do in academia where we beg for money. write in consise phrasing why we #deserve funding. what it is about our project what it is about our personhood that makes us deserving. what we're doing in our present to #give back and ensure a better future. and i can pull together a description of a nervous kid who couldn't read but loved to learn anyway. #who didnt kno how to hold proper a conversation until college and so tried and got better at ppl. who wouldnt let a language problem get in #the way of information gain. who cares about making complicated info visually digestible. and that's a nice story. but it falls apart when #projected into the future. what r u doing for the future? im just trying to continue existing #dont u want to help other ppl like u? sure but i dont have anything nice to say to them. does it ever get easier? no. it probably never will #ur brain was not built for reading. sometimes things r just terrible and u have to accept that. develop a crippling mental disorder or do #something where u dont have to read. see. not helpful. bad attitude. im just too full of blood and broken glass. all my achievements r #stained red and it hurts to look at them. to get myself to function i have to squeeze so tight i can feel the strain in my head. and even #then its not enough. do u kno what its like to spend ur whole life building something only to watch it burn to ashes in front of u? just a #broken machine rotting away underground where no one will see it. but dont let things fester. speak up if somethings wrong. and say what? #lmao i wrote this last night and then today when my advisor was like: hows it going? do u feel like u have enough time to get everything #done? and i had the gall to be like *voice strained high to prevent crying* its alright i think ive got enough time. bc yea technically i #think there r enough hours in yhr day that if i really tried i could get it all done. but that doesn't count the time i spend laying with #thr absolute desolation of my mind. so no. there isnt enough time bc im not doing well. but there's nothing he can do abt it so ya kno #whats the point in talking abt it except to say ya sorry im such a wretched miserable person. i dont kno how to fix it. my enthusiasm is #hidden under layer upon layer of pain. i burnef out before even getting here and im only making it worse #but whatever ill see my therapist Tuesday #unrelated

[gaytobymeres]

No thoughts just callan and meres

#s4e3 is so rough for meres/callan fans by god #but it’s so good #also it’s a rough time for people who want to see callan do well :( double whammy for me #but yeah like the hostile meeting between callan and meres which is so fucking tense #followed by the ‘you want to fuck that old man so badly it makes you look stupid’ foot on the desk #and then meres just being really horrible and classist to callan #and then callan being really satisfyingly angry back :) #but then later in the taxi where meres shoots the guy and then callan’s like ‘you really haven’t changed’ and he sounds so disappointed 😫😭 #it’s so painful #but then in later eps I feel like Toby has taken that comment to heart bc he does kind of change #and then he and callan are closer than ever #to be fair to both of them tho callan is under a lot of stress in s4e3 #and meres is just back from the usa and also probably nervous to see callan again #all round not the best environment in which to discuss an incredibly traumatic shared event #where one of you shot the other because the other shot your boss #anyway my mind is now full of callan and meres #they’re just so good #there’s so much to them

[oatbugs]

its okay now im here now its okay now im here now

#wiped off my makeup turned off thr lights started laughing without knowing why then i felt some of the tears inside my eyes force #their way out any way they could . you have a million and one reasons to be afraid . scalpels will restructure your face soon #in the womb of the city you havent seen for a decade in the belly of a country you may never come back from . death is not the fear but the #pain before it is. a month or two of epistomological torture before i am either free or i am not. #you stare at a shattered identity and grab a needle and sew your teeth shut in case this repetition bores anyone. #shattered it all over a boy who wants to shatter a bottle of vodka every time he picks one up，which is quite often. #take to the skies alone for the city of art and canals and cats and tired teenagers and philosophy with a dime and a half. #they had your number and you still care for them and you pressed the button of no return because they wrecked your lungs. they still #have your number. they still have your number. they still have your number. academic values and an unacademic work ethic feels like #the most unfaithful act of all. maybe id like to kiss his collarbones or maybe id like to kiss him because he does what i may #lose everything to do. soon a room full of researchers creating brains from love and flying fingers and letters on a screen #and a beating quartz heart. what you are now is what you would have killed another human being in cold blood for. you stand up and walk out #and you say i am brokenhearted and they surround you before you fall and you would have covered yourself in your #life's worth of blood for this all. but look at me. look at your mind. look at us. remember you and A and all her gold in the kitchen #and remember the way she started crying and there was never a thought of her guards or her jewels or impeccable taste in perfumes. #you looked at her in the eyes and you held her and you said #its okay now . im here now. its okay now. #look at yourself in the eyes again. youre not okay. but im here now. its okay now. im here now. youre here now. were here now. youre not #okay but you live for the summer and spring. im here now. its okay now. #who would you like dead? #tomorrow you will wakeup early to feed her before we buy groceries. who would you like dead?

[royalreef]

(( And a drop of the ship tags from yesterday!

#Most secret royal advisor || OOC #The music we make is unnatural‚ but it sounds just like falling in love || Valerie x Miranda ( playnights ) #A mind full of questions‚ A current to purify || Loremaster x Miranda ( playnights ) #At nineteen I still just about believed in God || Gabriel x Miranda ( mereobject ) #Jess will lead the way 'cause she can mimic the motions || High Tide x Miranda ( captainseamech ) #You'll go through the pain and now let me eat your brain || Brian x Miranda ( fatecrafted ) #(( still proud of that loremaster one #(( i just found the PERFECT song that fit

[crazywolf828]

I am once again complaining because now I'm nauseous after I thought I was finally getting over this damn virus

#let me go back to the full bore chest pain #like i still have a little #but id take all the other symptoms over the nausea #nausea is always the worst when your sick tbh #anyway i may vomit because i have to do responsibilities #also may try and eat some toast cause yknow gotta eat something #don't mind me