#you ain’t had a fucking hit in 10 yrs good enough to act the way you do

[chrollohearttags]

meg baby, I promise we’ll all look the other way if you decide to strangle that chimera ant built bitch. I promise we won’t say nothing.

#nicki got to be one of the nastiest bitches I’ve ever seen in my life #you ain’t had a fucking hit in 10 yrs good enough to act the way you do #it’s crazy it took her being so vile to meg for ppl to get it #it’s always ‘protect blk women’ w/her until it’s somebody she don’t like lmao #and her only beef with her is that she collabed with cardi #the only one who stuck by her side mind you so ofc she #she’s been terrible and I remember back in 2017 when ppl jumped me for ‘defending a Latina woman’ over her #the same bitch that co opted a hashtag meant for missing and murdered blk women for her own bullshit #while cardi was using her platform to speak up for breonna Taylor and police brutality? oh okay #she’s a nasty witch and her karma will come #rap beef aside #‘how you got 3 Grammys and can’t stay on beat?’ #how are you the supposed queen and been rapping since Jesus was in Jerusalem but have zero? #bringing up her dead mother..you deserve to rot #cherry chats 🍒 #I’m so happy cardi no longer feeds into her bullshit and lets her stupid ass talk to the wall #all the new girls are outshining her and I’m so glad they don’t have to grovel to her #the fact that these girls just came out and are her competition says more abt nicki than it does Meg cardi latto or anybody else #her peers should be missy kim queen latifah etc #and yet she’s linking up with 23 year olds and beefing with girls 20 years her junior #guess that predator spirit run in the family huh

[shonbellenoire]

Online Dating - Quarantine Edition 2020

Not a fan of online dating,  People are always way more interesting and bold online rather in person.  Online makes it too easy.  I prefer the boldness of the approach.  Even still, I found myself 3 years ago falling in love with a man I met online.  I’m not against it but I am saying I prefer the old fashion way.

People always portray themselves differently online.  Using pictures from 10 years ago, not much thought in what is written in the bio and most just want you to follow them on other social media accounts.  Needless to say.....during quarantine I was poppin online. My profile was 3 sentences but it was witty and highlighted my personality.  The niggas ate it the fuck up!! In box on triple full.  Though not optpmistic about the process and not even expecting to do it for a long time, I put up only 2 pics.  One with minimal makeup, the other full on glam.

The Trucker bka Bubba

The first guy to inbox me that I matched with. A northerner, 29 new to the area looking for a thrill.  So damn cute with a full time job.  Ambitious rapper in the making with a lil dental dysfunction but he cute.  We met at a restaurant practicing social distancing,went to the airport and watched plans take off while smoking blunts and listening to his mixtape. Lets just say we met and he friend zoned me. lol 

The 29 yr old too old to know better to young to still be a dumb nigga.

Flashy ass navy vet...well he was a cook on a submarine.  It was all good when we met until he got upset when we talked music. He started playing music from a British rapper whose lyrics were worst than a mumble rapper on a mediocre beat.  I wasn’t impressed and honestly when exposed to dummy shit for too long my head hurts and I get the urge to want to pick up a book.  I was like “Enough is enough please change to an artist who reads books.”, that set him off.  We went from falling in love to instant hate in the matter of minutes.  He screamed and yelled and got into a verbal shouting match about rappers.  I exited immediately.  “I’m out! I’m gonna go read, I’ll leave you with the writer who raps about seasoning a girl like shes chicken.”  The nigga must of thought that line was so cold cuz he said it twice.

The Porn Star

An army vet and personal trainer at the local L.A Fitness.  Recently divorced with 2 daughters old enough to jump me and film it and edit it to upload on Instagram.  I remained on my best behavior to keep from becoming the next Katt Williams even though I was ready to devour him like the chocolate drop he is. 

This barbie plays with G.I Joe

We sent pictures back and forth via text.  He cute and could dress.  Then pictures morphed to videos and to my surprise...they were explicit....or was I surprised.  Snippets of him half naked morphed to butt ass naked. Well ok than fat dick daddy, show me all the goods!  So i asked questions and got a link to a few videos and really got to see what Fat Dick G.I Joe was working with.  Thank you.  So he asked me out but when we met I noticed his body was better in person.  Total body babe.  But....he looked better from a distance or with a hat on.  We went to the drive in, it was his first time.  We attempted to make out, which lead to attempting to ride his face but the damn console was in the damn way of his BMW coupe.  

The Help Desk Customer Service Rep...who thinks hes the smartest in the room and loves to play devils advocate.

My issue is how every conversation got sexual, but he never sent no dick pic or print. Don’t talk about it be about it.  On our first date we went to the park. We discovered a park neither of us have been too.  New to the city from Miami, the chocolate dread head with a rapper name was comfortable around me. Not afraid to reach for my hand nor place his hand around my waist.  However, the good comes with the bad and at times he got too comfortable.  Standing behind me with his dick pressed up on my ass like we posing for a mall photo graph with matching air brush tees.  We don’t go together, fuck is you doin?  Back the fuck up.  Talking to him at times would be just too much.  Asking him about his job got so technical. He gave me the run around but using my context clues, I’ve come to the conclusion that he works remotely as a tech help desk rep.  Needless to say, every convo was either about sex or just overly complicated.  

The Virgo

Successful entrepreneur feeling the pressure of the Chinese virus, the flashy Nigerian  was handsome and well dressed.  Pulled up in a smooth white Mercedes SUV.  Literally called me up and said “Hey! Wyd?  Lets link up.”  Excited, he went on to encourage me to get out the house. “Come on, lets be spontaneous.”  No usually I don’t do this, I require a minimum of 24 hr advance notice,but I wasn’t do a damn thing.  Wine and good convo.  I won’t say we hit off in love but we defiantly had a good time.

My Girl Gotta Girlfriend

......and y the fuck not cuz these niggas ain’t shit.  She cute and got a fat ass.  I’m so inexperienced I wouldn’t know what to do with it but curiosity scissor with 2 fat wet cats.  A married flight attendant and drama nerd.  No kids and 2 incomes....y'all lookin for a third?  “Sure!” she texted back, “If you don’t mind a nerd with a beard.”  Suga moma is that you? Spoil me, please.  “Are you interested in being the third?” Possibly.  

The Poet

Mid 40′s with 3 kids.  Sends poems filled with emojis and giphys like an millennial.  He gets mad if I don’t text him daily.  He wants me to chase him and call him.  Wants me to be all in my feelings over him and i have zero reason to.  He has put the least amount of effort into pursuing m.  He acts like he wants a boyfriend.  He is sensitive, a little 2 sensitive to be the father of 3.  

#dating #online dating #online dates #guys #relationship #love #lovers #Girl Talk #girl problems #dating problems #quarentine #covidquarantine #covid2019 #bumble #tender #eharmony

[imbriums-blog]

hello my angels ! i’m sorry this is so late but i’m sarah & i’m 18 yrs old & live in the hellhole that is ohio so the est timezone ! i’m ur token harry potter nerd & lover of all things musical... anyways u can hear more about 5/10 of my problematic children under the cut ! i’m gonna try to keep it short but i lov to talk so we’ll see ! if you’re willing to plot give this post a big mf like & i’ll come crawlin’ to ur ims !

— ✯ | barbara delaney savenkov ! + pinterest board !

tw: death, murder

laura harrier, cisfemale, she/her — have you met barbara delaney savenkov yet ? the twenty-three year old is known for being both poised and enticing, but also very skeptical and deceiving. born in san francisco, barbie now lives in soho, waiting tables at the fork and assassinating people on the side for some extra cash. + wanted connections !

so barbara was born n raised in san francisco, california to a solidly middle class family. her parents were divorced growing up, although they were friendly & got along well enough to be friends & co-parent barbie. she’d always been quite an idealist like Yes The World Is Good but when she was twenty, her dad had died due to a rogue heart attack that seemingly happened for no reason & it completely shattered barbara.

that’s when a local gang found her, at her ultimate low, & roped her into their business. she stayed w them for two years or so & at some point or another barbara started to realize that she didn’t think this business & way to make money was a good one. eventually, they starting cutting pay & barbara started to feel like she was bein manipulated. working w the gang kind of made her give up her optimism & is what truly formed her into the stone cold but somehow still elegant & captivating barbie she is today ! her idealistic attitude & never-ending optimism died with all of the shady shit that gang made her do.

then barbara was offered a job as an assassin for a powerful man doin some shady shit & she was unable to refuse even tho her first instinct was to turn it down – it offered great money & stability, & with the impression that she’d only be hurting people who deserved it, barbara shakily accepted the deal & left the gang !

she’s not pleased w the fact that she’s murdering ppl for a living, obviously, but she tries to make do with what she has & tells herself that the ppl she’s killing deserve it but !! messy !

personality-wise, barbara comes off as super intimidating at first n like she just doesn’t have feelings… super proper n always sitting upright n stiff as fuck… scares ppl away bc she seems like a robot at first

she's that kid who studies for the test like 3 weeks before it actually happens and has color coordinated highlighting and bullet journals.. she wants to be on top of everything, constantly – she doesn’t like feeling unorganized or like she’s falling apart ? i think it’s partially bc she tends to over perfect areas of her life like that, and like color coordinating her closet and making sure everything is tidy to make up for the Mess that is her secret career ??

one of the most annoying things ever is how perfect she seems on the surface ?? like, she likes everybody n is probably the type of person who rescues stray kittens from trees n sings as little birdies fly down & comb her hair or some shit but anyone close to barbie in real life knows she is a hardcore mess

that friend who’s like “oh my god i look so fat in this picture” n literally everybody groans bc shut the fuck up karen ur perfect

could literally say “fuck off” to somebody n the tone of voice she uses would make them think she was complimenting them

— ✯ | cordelia esther king ! + pinterest board !

alycia debnam-carey, cisfemale, she/her — have you met cordelia esther king yet ? the twenty-two year old is known for being both affable and buoyant, but also very whimsical and corybantic. born in salem, delia now lives in lambeth, working as a wedding planner and forming unrealistic expectations of true love.

so ngl cordelia is very inspired by jane from 27 dresses but w/ some twists so i’m not completely unoriginal

she was born to a pastor for a father in salem aka witch town ! cordelia was raised as kind of a perfect goody goody two shoes u know.. classic girl next door who sleeps w a teddy bear even at twenty-two & her entire room is covered in pink, she spends her spare time baking n blushing over boys smiling at her wtvr... she was always strong-willed & opinionated but shut up out of fear of being made fun of u know, kids these days r mean

so then when cordelia is old enough to leave her parents house ( let’s say like a year ago ) she decides that she’s tired of being the nice girl in the shadows & that she wants to live life more on the edge so she vows to start living life dangerously & being badass... whatever that means

it’s actually kind of funny, because she’ll stroll into a bar & bat her eyelashes at the bartender & single ppl in the room to try & get them to order a drink for her solely bc she doesn’t know the names of any drinks... has no common sense & is too naive for her own good ( what is a handjob... what does “on the rocks” mean ) but the girl’s trying to [ troy bolton vc ] break free so who am i to judge ?

she’s a wedding planner who’s actually in love with the idea of love & has watched the notebook 1 too many times... despite her being wildt nowadays she’s still into the whole “when i meet the one for me my foot will pop when we kiss & i’ll feel fireworks” thing.. it’s cute but also sad but ! cute !

personality-wise... she’s outspoken & friendly & incredibly flirty, but at the same time she probably either assumes you’re flirting w her when you’re really not or has no clue that you’re hitting on her when ur literally kissing her

is totally sandy at the end of grease when she’s like “tell me about it, stud” acting all badass but then doesn’t know what to do w her cigarette butt & looks nervously at her friends like WTF DO I DO

please come corrupt her or fuck her up... or be nice 2 her & teach her how to be a human being

— ✯ | dexter leroy bates ! + pinterest board !

torrance coombs, cismale, he/him — have you met dexter leroy bates yet ? the thirty-one year old is known for being both inventive and idealistic, but also very farouche and indecisive. born in hackney, dex now lives in croydon, editing badly filmed videos and gluing himself to a camera 24/7.

basically a nerdy starving artist based on mark from rent with a lil bit of peter parker in him

a broke ass bitch living in croydon trying his best to make it as a photographer / film maker

he has huge dreams of hollywood but his films r probably kinda bad... but he tries his best n i love him for it

kinda nerdy & word vomit-y... super cute... would die for his friends but also would kill u for insulting one of them

is that nerd that is actually hot n buff n shit but u never notice bc he wears hoodies n hides behind a camera bc i lov stereotyping apparently

i don’t really have his backstory worked out yet tbfh so really ? go wild w connections for my son

— ✯ | davina leigh cordero ! + pinterest board !

lauren jauregui, cisfemale, she/her — have you met davina leigh cordero yet ? the twenty-one year old is known for being both intuitive and diligent, but also very seclusive and obstinate. born in whitby, davina now lives in soho, studying journalism and avoiding as much human interaction as possible.

100% based on rory gilmore bc apparently even tho i’m on season 2 i luv the characters Too Much

basically everything i aspire 2 be in a person... hardworking as fuck, loves school so fricking much, antisocial as hell ! 

davina is deadass brilliant & her idea of wild is staying up past 11 on a school night or waiting to do her homework on saturday instead of friday

sweet, a lil bit awkward, but the cutest ever n i would die for her

would much rather be chillin w her books than anything else tbh & doesn’t know how to hold proper interactions but it’s more charming than anything else

grew up with only her dad mostly, since her mom worked full time & lived out of town for reasons but they both love her a ton. her dad would give her the whole world if he could, & owns a quaint little coffee shop in whitby & is constantly calling davina to check up on her... when she got older her mom moved back in w her dad so since then she’s gotten a lot closer to her but there’s still just such a bond between her dad & her u know

what is romance ? davina doesn’t know

come fuck her up

— ✯ | sawyer maisie pitman ! + pinterest board !

josefine frida pettersen, cisfemale, she/her — have you met sawyer maisie pitman yet ? the twenty year old is known for being both undaunted and driven, but also very apathetic and blunt. born in bristol, sawyer now lives in wandsworth, being a tragically pathetic starving artist & student.

so sawyer was adopted as a baby, unnamed, to two moms who love her more than anything in the world. one’s a publisher & one’s an english professor, & they’re both huge fricking nerds, so she was named after tom sawyer !

as soon as she could walk she was talented with art & everything that had to do with it & not long after entering high school she decided that that’s what she wanted to do & nothing was going to get in the way of it

now, as a student & hopeful artist, sawyer is dead set on getting where she wants to be & has no tolerance for bullshit... like if u ain’t helping her further her career, ur unimportant to her

relationships ? cancelled. romance is a DISTRACTION from her work & only complicates her life !

blunt as fuck & doesn’t sugar coat things. she says things like they are & expects others to do the same bc she has no time for drama or whatnot

stubborn as fuck & nearly impossible to talk to sometimes bc she’s so set in her ways but hey love me a strong woman amirite

sharp-tongued & sarcastic as fuck but can be incredibly kind when the time is right !

#smoke:intros