#you know what I miss most from growing up on base overseas is the band

[squirrelasinthewoodlandanimal]

I am in such a Sleigh Ride mood today

#you know what I miss most from growing up on base overseas is the band #we were in yokosuka which is where the flagship/staff for the seventh fleet is based #and thus the base was also home to the seventh fleet band #so on holidays and for special events and heck for my dad's change of command the seventh fleet band would play #and not only concert or ceremonial stuff: they had really great rock and country groups too #and this is like really high quality professional music #that in most communities you'd have to pay to see or at least it is nowhere near as accessible #but I got to grow up hearing professional musicians play great music of every style and genre at every community event #because that is just what the military bands do #they came and did master classes with our high school band too #I dunno when I'm homesick for something it's not Japan really #it's that base culture that I can't explain quite right to anyone who hasn't lived on base overseas

[avenging-fandoms]

When We Were Young / Draco Malfoy

*not requested, got inspiration by listening to this song *based on the song “When We Were Young” by Adele *in which yn attends the Hogwarts reunion and sees her ex-boyfriend, Draco Malfoy, and she can’t keep her eyes off of him.  *WARNING: fluff, a little angst *PLEASE send me requests!!!!! i can do whoever :)

Everybody loves the things you do From the way you talk To the way you move Everybody here is watching you

you held your clutch in your clammy hands as you stepped into the hall of hogwarts. you said hello to the paintings, a smile on your face as you see the painting of the mother and her children that you read to sometimes. 

your eyes scanned over your old classmates, waving hello at old acquaintances and hugging old friends. you never really kept in contact with any of these friends after you left hogwarts. there was one person who wrote to you nearly every week after they moved far away, and they weren’t there that night. 

the heavy clicks of shoe heels rang through your ears and you tensed, not even daring to look back. you had to, you needed to. you slowly turned your head over your shoulder, and there he was. the love you had never forgotten about, the love you never got over. draco malfoy. 

you could hear people whispering about him, and how you two weren’t together anymore. they whispered about how good he looked, how he moved with confidence. you hated that, you hated he still looked amazing. draco toyed with the buttons on his blazer. 

you quickly turned away from him before he looked over to where you were standing, hoping he wouldn’t see you in the giant crowd of old classmates. you quickly walked over and grabbed a drink, standing against the wall where you could still see him.

'Cause you feel like home You're like a dream come true But if by chance you're here alone Can I have a moment Before I go?

the warm feeling in your heart and stomach erupted as you made eye contact with draco. your heart felt like it was beater harder than it ever has, like it was going to break your ribs and take you to draco. he still looked like a dream, he was your dream come true at one point. you dreamed of true love, and that’s what he showed you. 

you stared down at your clutch, pretending that the design was the most interesting thing on planet earth. “yn?” your body jumped, head picking up and you wanted to burst into tears. draco stood in front of you, face to face, for the first time in 13 years. “you look.. i mean.. wow” he smiled and you let out a nasally laugh, draco holding his arms out for a hug. you hesitated, wrapping your arms around his neck.

draco still had that same musk, the musk you could smell from miles away. being in his arms again felt like home, you felt calm again. you inhaled sharply, pulling away and looking into his eyes. you wanted to kiss him right then and there, you wanted to feel that electricity soar through your body again, and it took everything you had in your body to not. 

“did you come alone?” you gulped and asked, draco nodding. “can i talk to you before i head out? just.. somewhere quiet. later though, after this” draco smiled, and you took a deep breath. 

“absolutely, i have all the time in the world for you, yn”

'Cause I've been by myself all night long Hoping you're someone I used to know

you stayed by yourself nearly all night, not really wanting to interact, but enjoy your old classmates’ presence. your eyes rarely left draco, and when they did, you would move to where you could see him better. 

draco looked different than he did 13 years ago, obviously, but there was something different about his character, he was more confident. you loved the confidence on him, he always needed to gain it, but you wanted old draco. the cocky bad boy, the one you fell in love with. you were still in love no matter what, you wanted him to still be him. 

I was so scared to face my fears Nobody told me that you'd be here And I swear you moved overseas That's what you said, when you left me

you threw away your cup and sat in a chair, crossing your legs and placing your chin in your palm. draco walked back into the room with a bright smile. no one told you that draco was showing up, and no one told draco you were coming either. you were so nervous to see him again after 13 years, and you felt your heart in your throat every time he looked at you. 

“so, how far did you move?” you asked as draco as he sat next to you. a few people had left and the room got quieter. your finger traced the design of your clutch, fingers tapping against your cheek. you looked at draco, who had a confused look on his face. 

“i didn’t move far” you felt your heart drop, rolling your lips in between your teeth. you blinked rapidly as you looked down, trying not to cry. 

“you told me you were moving overseas when you broke up with me” you sniffled and draco’s shoulders physically dropped. “excuse me a minute” you whispered and got up, draco watching as you basically ran to the bathroom. draco debated with himself whether he should let you be or follow you. 

It's hard to admit that Everything just takes me back To when you were there

you quietly sobbed in the bathroom stall, shaking your head as you couldn’t believe that he lied to you. he told you he was moving far away from hogwarts, far away from you. but he wasn’t, he didn’t move overseas. 

you heard draco’s heels outside of the door, the bathroom door creaking open and locking. you dab your cheeks and wipe your nose, throwing it away. his feet stopped in front of you and knocked softly. 

“please come talk to me” you sniffle again and unlock the door, refusing to meet his eyes. “darling, please look at me”

“draco.. every time i look at you.. i-i think of everything we did, how in love we were. when i saw you standing in the hall, i remembered the yule ball, sharing our first kiss under the stars as we snuck away. i can’t forget how we fell in love here, draco malfoy” your voice was scratchy and your eyes burned. he held your cheeks and you looked at him, wanting to feel his lips on yours again.

And a part of me keeps holding on Just in case it hasn't gone 'Cause I still care Do you still care?

“i can’t let you go, draco. i can’t stop.. loving you” you look up at him, you face closer to his. you ran your hands from his shoulders down his chest, up to his wrist of the hand that held your face. “i still care about you, draco” draco’s eyes caught yours, stepping you against the stall. “do you still care about me?” you whisper, eyes flickering between his. 

“i’ll never stop loving and caring for you, yn yln” he whispered, his breath tickling your lips, making your spine shiver. 

You look like a movie You sound like a song My God, this reminds me Of when we were young

you and draco left the bathroom and the band started to play louder. he held out his hand and you smiled, taking it and the two of you head onto the dance floor. he accidentally stepped on your foot and you both laugh, and your ears took in the sound of his laugh, a laugh you missed. last time you danced with him and had him step on your feet, was when you two were still attending hogwarts. 

Let me photograph you in this light In case it is the last time That we might be exactly like we were Before we realized

you sat at the table and caught your breath, draco grabbing you two drinks. you thank him and nearly chug your whole cup in one sip, you and draco giggling. “you still need to learn to dance, malfoy” you wink and he laughs, setting down his drink. 

“i just haven’t had a good dance partner in 13 years” he pressed his nose against your cheek and you laughed, pushing him away. you bit your lip softly, reaching into your bag and pulling out your camera. you turned it on and draco hid his face. 

“come on, malfoy! i wanna take a picture of you, you look so good in this lighting” you pull his hands down and hold them with one hand and take a couple photos of him smiling and laughing. you shut off your camera and put it back in your bag, looking at draco. “i’m ready to leave, i’m so tired”

“can i walk you out?” you nod and smile, draco holding out his hand and you take it, the two of you walking out hand and hand. draco walked you to your car, opening the door for you.

“do you have a ride?” you asked and he shrugged. 

“no, i’m just taking the train home” he said and you opened the other door. “yn..”

“oh come on, it’s nearly 1 in the morning, plus you’ll probably fall asleep on the train ride and we don’t want that. you can sleep on the couch” he smiles and nods, the two of you getting into your car.

We were sad of getting old It made us restless

“do you ever think of what you want to be like when you’re old?” you ask and tuck your legs under your butt. draco smiled, putting his jacket up on the coat rack and unbuttoning his vest. he sat next to you, head resting against his hand. 

“remember when we would stay up and make our plans to grow old together? saying we’d rule hogwarts one day?” you both laugh and you place your hand on his knee and you both calm down. “growing old together..”

“seems out of the question now, huh?” you chuckle and draco pulls your hips forward, making you gasp. 

“not necessarily. we still have a lot of life left” he whispered, brushing a piece of hair out of your face. you let out a shaky breath, nose brushing against his with your hand on his chest, holding his shirt. 

It was just like a movie It was just like a song When we were young

“yn.. can i.. can i kiss you?” he whispered and you nodded, draco pushing forward and catching your lips with his. electricity shot through your body, the same heat and passion you felt the first time you felt when you first kissed him. 

it was a kiss out of a movie, a kiss someone would sing about. a kiss you could never forget about. you straddle draco’s waist, tightly gripping his hair in your fingers. 

you pulled away from draco and he leaned forward, needing longer and more kisses. “that felt like i kissed you for the first time” he breathed, pecking your lips. you smile, rubbing your thumb over his cheek. 

“when we were young” you whispered, draco smiling and kissing you again, a tear running down his face. “drac.. why are you crying?” his face scrunched and you rubbed his back, draco’s lip quivering as he looked up at you. 

“i’m sorry for leaving you and lying to you. i’m sorry for breaking your heart. i’m sorry for wasting 13 years with just letters instead of just seeing you. i’m so sorry” he cried, tears falling from your eyes as well. 

“it’ll take time, draco, but i forgive you. day by day, we’ll work together, and see where it goes” he nods and you wipe his cheeks, pecking his lips. “let’s go to bed”

“i thought i was sleeping on the couch?”

“why not have a sleep over under the covers like we did when we were young?” you smirk and he laughs, you pulling him into your room and giggling as you grab a flashlight and pull up your blankets, you and draco changing into pajamas and sliding under the covers. 

“i really missed you” he whispered and you smile, kissing his nose softly. 

“i really missed you too, malfoy” he smile and you two face each other, asking questions about the past 13 years until you two fell asleep in each other’s arms, smiles on your faces as you both drifted to sleep. 

#draco malfoy #draco malfoy x reader #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy imagines #draco malfoy blurb #draco malfoy blurbs #draco malfoy fic #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco malfoy fluff #fluff #harry potter #tom felton

[kyotakumrau]

2020.12.21 The World You Live In at Zepp Tokyo, 2nd event report

Fujieda again started with greetings, introduced himself and Takabayashi and then asked for applause for the band members.

And we got quite a surprise!

Kaoru and Toshiya came on stage!

Thus making Tokyo the only place where band members changed for each slot/session. As much as I'd love to see Kyo again I was happy as my friend only went to Tokyo and she's Toshiya's fan😊

F: please introduce yourself.

Kaoru: you already did lol. I'm Kaoru.

T: I'm Toshiya.

F: the last video you just watched was different from other sessions. The trailer for the concert film screenings that will start from February. It's something only you know right now. As you can imagine from the title it will be something similar to this, with the band members coming for the talk after.

K talked a bit about the situation as well.

T: it's still difficult to hold concerts, but this is something we can do. So I hope you will look forward to it.

Next F started the 'merch items introduction corner', he passed the items to the members.

K: I was watching the 1st slot and we talked about them in Osaka, too. (he talked more about the items and what members said)

F: yes, everything can fit in the pouch so it's a very useful item. You can buy all merch items and put then in the pouch and take home like that. Let's look at Toshiya's big pick key chains (he pronunced that very carefully😂)

They talked about members signs and company logos when suddenly K requested to have to lights in the venue set brighter so he could see everyone.

After that F announced they wil start with questions from the fans, passed the part of papers to others, but K gave his to F saying it's better if he chooses.

T: ok, I have a good one! 'It was Die's birthday yesterday, did you send him a birthday message? And are there any memorable presents you've received in the past?'

T: I got a bicycle. I was really happy at first, but then it was stolen from the parking area.

F: when was it?

T (I didn't catch it but from the context it must have been quite early on in their career)

F: during the tour?

T: yeah, we were always giving each other something for our birthdays, every year, but as years passed it got more difficult to choose something good and we then just stopped.

F: how about you, K?

K: I got a Mickey Mouse, about this size (he showed us with his hand, about 1m tall).

F: 'how do you deal with feeling tired?'

K: I go for a massage.

F: only during the tour?

K: anytime.

F: when the most? When writing songs?

K (laughing): but we're always writing songs

T: for me it's sauna.

F: do you often go when just staying at home?

T: for example after the gym

Ta: 'what did you eat most often during the stay at home period?'

K: ...what did I eat, what about you, Tooru?

Ta: sausages.

The whole venue kinda rotfled 🤣🤣🤣

F: that's cute😆

Ta: it's something I can usually only eat at home.

K: ...something I was really into...(still thinking)....(thinking)

F: for me it was Jiro-ken ramen.

T: at home?! So you weren't really staying at home?

F: I gained some weight after the overseas tour. I started to diet then, and one day a week, a cheat day, I could eat whatever I wanted. My cheat choice was Jiro, either at the restaurants or to take away.

K: ...what was it for me...

F: maybe nabe you talked about before? (in Osaka)

K wasn't impressed 😆

T: canned mackerel for me.

F: for when you drink etc? No, just like that?

They all laughed here a bit.

Suddenly K jumped in with a new topic.

K: in Osaka you talked about the theme behind Kyo's outfit, you said it was pink but he pointed his green hair as the main point.

F: that was difficult.

K: tbh I also thought the main idea was pink (he also talked about Kyo's use of Kansai dialect)

T: 'what were you able to do after becoming an adult?'

F: there's a lot of food people start eating when they grow up.

T: food topic again? 😆

F: for example for me it was raisins.

T: as I get older I can drink more. When we just debuted I couldn't drink at all.

F: drinking wine?

T: おっさんだから・'cause I'm an old guy.

K started talking about the food he couldn't handle when he was small but the next question kinda made me forget it 😅

' 'wet cat food is actually quite good, have you ever tried?'

F: I have a cat and sometimes when I give my cat wet food some will get on my fingers. I'd just lick it. You know some of it, the mackerel or tuna, it looks so good.

T: please send me a video when you eat cat food next time.

😂

(but to be fair most of canned cat food in Japan is 100% fish🤷‍♀️)

K: 'when you can tour again what local specialities do you want to eat?'

F: motsunabe in Fukuoka

T: miso type?

F: of course (if not Shinya would kill him)

K: what did you eat in Sendai?

F: bento

K: in Nagoya?

F: nothing special

T: we had normal bento, but it was miso katsu (Nagoya's style cutlet)

F: but if it's not in a restaurant it's not the same. Anything you want to eat, T?

T: Beki soba from Niigata.

F: have you tried it before?

T: when we went there on a tour, I really like soba.

They talked but more about food, tare katsu, okonomiyaki from Hiro and Jiro again.

T: is Jiro really that good?

F: 😍

K: I've tried it before, but it's (just) okay.

F: it's all about how the noodles taste (type of flour etc)

(more food talk, choosing between salt and tare options)

K: 'what's your favorite onigiri (rice ball)?'

F: how about you, K?

K: I don't eat onigiri.

T: Me also, but if I have to choose it's sujiko/salted salmon roe.

K (about not eating onigiri much): right, you only eat soba.

T then told us the story how much he loved salmon roe even as a child. When he was quite small he went shopping to the local supermarket with his grandmother. When he saw salmon roe in the shop he just started eating it directly from the shelf/container. Of course when his grandmother and supermarket staff found out it got very noisy, but because he was so young it was forgiven.

(back to onigiri topic)

Ta: salmon for me.

F: oh that is nice, I love the most tamago-kake-gohan rice ball (TKG is a very simple, traditional Japanese breakfast dish - just rice with a raw egg eaten with soy sauce, sometimes other toppings), the Newdays chain is selling them

K: the chain operates only in this area, no?

F explained that there are Newdays in other places too, fe Sendai. He also really got into explaining all pros incl the tasty gooey filling inside of the rice ball.

K (imitating F) oh that's nice 😂

F: 'it got so cold recently, what's your favourite season?'

T: spring or fall, I don't hate winter but I definitely don't like summer.

K: fall. (he said as this year wasn't too cold he could go out a bit during breaks)

F: so 2~3 weeks ago was your fav time.

K: here in Tokyo at least.

F: 'as we're staying home much more now do you have a recommended tv series or a channel?' (not just a movie)

K: Cobra kai.

F: ah, you tweeted about it.

K: it will be on Netflix next month, the 3rd season.

K talked about The Karate Kid (Japanese title 'Best Kid').

F: I don't know it.

Ta: me too.

K (shocked): you're serious???

T: I know, of course.

F: 'Best Kid'? 'Best Fit?'

T: just stop it🙃

F: how about your recommendation, T?

T: The BOYS on Prime.

K: I haven't seen it, but it seems interesting.

T: it is! I also like BOSCH. I'm just watching like after work and so on.

After that K talked about how cinema with the capacity reduced by half was nice because you could put your bag on the seat next to you etc, but recently came back to the full house (Demon Slayer did that...)

F: 'how do you feel being in front of people first time in a while?'

T: I'm sorry it has to be done this way

F: don't say that😆

(missed K's reply)

T: it's tiring to be in front of people.

F: but we do it in an interesting way.

T: yeah.

T: 'what's your favourite game? Even including older ones like famicon?'

K: games?

T: Spelunker on Amicon😆

T/K in agreement: where you die so quickly

K: PS5 is so popular, I didn't win.

F: it seems Kyo won once but the information he submitted had a mistake.

K: I applied for Sony's lottery and Big Camera's.

F: you don't want PS5, T?

T: recently I don't play.

K: what about the... what was it Tsushima?

They all reacted with 'ah'

F: what kind of game is it?

K: don't ask me😅 but it looks interesting.

T: it seems to be very popular abroad.

F: 'what's your favourite way to eat ozoni?'

(A new year soup with rice cakes)

Ta: the soy sauce based soup, with grilled mochi.

F: but what ingredients do you add?

K: isn't that way too detailed??

Ta (tries): spring onion etc

K listed grilled mochi, spinach, carrot etc. Then he told us about his family tradition to properly make rice cakes for New year, pounding was so loud even if you wanted to watch tv, you couldn't. But then they had enough for a month.

T: soy sauce style.

F: with miso or?

T: I said soy sauce.

F: what ingredients?

T: rice cakes, spinach, and what is that... (he started to make circles with his hand) ...?

F: naruto?

T (yeah that/nods)

F: in my family we do soy sauce, rice cakes, carrot, fish cakes etc.

K (ignoring F comment that they should finish now, in a teasing way): what about osechi, which dishes do you like?

F: konbu maki or kurikinton.

K: how about you, T?

T: that egg dish that is kinda like this (he gestured the shape again)?

Ta: tatemaki?

F: datemaki!

T: I think it's datemaki.

K: I like that beef roll with carrot and green beans inside (its 牛肉の八幡巻き)

F (making very dreamy face): Aaaaaaah that😍 green beans are so good.

F: ok, thank you all.

K: what about Tooru (Ta)?

F: it's time, sorry.

Last comments.

Toshiya: thank you all for gathering here despite the COVID situation. It's difficult to do concerts now so we tried doing film screenings. In difficult times like this it's not only about the band members, there's our staff and also the venues. I'd love to play concerts again, please wait for us.

Kaoru: it is a difficult situation to share my personal opinion... if we can't do the concerts in a way everyone can enjoy... enjoy, it will affect our relationship of mutual trust. I think this (COVID) situation will continue for some time still, so I think it's better to go with the film screening events. But we will keep checking the situation. Please stay healthy and I hope all of you will come to watch it.

#dir en grey #the world you live in #kaoru #toshiya #薫 #zepp tokyo #fujieda #takabayashi

[fytoo]

Debuting a K-Pop Band During Coronavirus: TOO on Their Creative Concept & Promotion Strategy

With a new act making their debut on the K-pop scene roughly every two days, entering this multibillion-dollar industry is never easy but becomes all the more tricky in a global pandemic.

Since the December conclusion of the singing-competition show World Klass, the debut for boy band TOO has been actively in the works for months. After the TV program whittled 20 participants into a 10-member lineup, the promising band with an already established fanbase has been in preparation mode. While coronavirus concerns hit South Korea earlier than most of the world (with social distancing measures still in place today), TOO and their teams were forced to adapt and get creative in their marketing techniques.

It all falls under a new term that has developed in Korea called "untact," referring to how artists and entertainers are still attempting to make contact and connect with fans throughout health concerns and social-distancing regulations.

"We didn't have any issues when preparing for debut," says TOO vocalist Donggeon. "But it's sad to be on stage without fans. It's really upsetting that we can't be with our fans on the television music shows and during other activities we're doing."

The 20-year-old is referring to Korea's tradition of live-performance music program shows that air nearly daily and see promoting artists perform until a "No. 1" of the week is announced at the conclusion. These performances are important to introduce new music to local viewers and potential international clicks via YouTube, with wins on these shows helping secure public recognition and brand deals. Since February, the programs have gone without live audiences (viewers can get the sense of acts on a hot promotional streak from those with loudest chants) with on-hand staff limited (The Show broadcasted on Korea's SBS MTV channel saw an MC's staff member test positive for COVID-19 requiring a two-week break for all hosts).

Financially, person-to-person contact has long been a crucial aspect in the K-pop industry as many companies depend on physical album sales that grant buyers lottery tickets to potentially access private, in-person fan meetings. It's also important for the relationship between artist and fans as it marks a rare time for supporters to get nearly unrestricted access to take photos of their stars and score face time. The more popular an act, the more albums that tend to be bought for these potential meetings. But with a group like TOO so early in their career, getting that contact time is important to make lasting first impressions.

"If not for the virus, we would have fan meetings, we could go outside and just wander around," adds TOO leader Jaeyun. "But right now, we just move by car from one place to another, company to company."

When the boy band held the televised music concert showcase TOO Day to mark their debut, there wasn't an audience to cheer the guys on but followers did see themselves incorporated in a performance. The band asked their growing followers on Twitter for keywords to describe the different members for what they teased as a special remix. What fans found is that those descriptions made their way into the lyrics of "Too You," the band's reinterpretation of The Supremes' No. 1 Hot 100 hit "You Can't Hurry Love."

For those who would have scored access to the events, the group instead autographed their albums personally and held video conference calls with fans with each member taking one minute to personally talk to them. In place of the candid photos that fans would have taken and uploaded online, TOO's staff posted their own snaps of the members in the cute headbands and animal ears that are usually brought as gifts for the idols.

Also pushing TOO into the scene is their upcoming participation on the singing competition show Road to Kingdom. Alongside six other rising boy bands, they are the youngest competitor by far but if the show performs anywhere near its first, female-focused season Queendom (which produced competitors (G)I-DLE, MAMAMOO, AOA and Park Bom with Billboard chart hits), the show's reach and potential to secure a larger fanbase is worth it.

"It's a really big chance for us," says TOO rapper J.You of the new show. "At first, we're very nervous to be competing with seniors who we've been fans of since we were trainees and other groups that we have admired, however we'll do our best with passion and learn from them too. We would like the public to get to know us through Road to Kingdom."

TOO is a joint project between Stone Music Entertainment and K-pop agency n.CH Entertainment, who say they recognize the difficult timing but are prioritizing health. "We are paying most attention to the safety of the artist and fans," the companies share in a statement to Billboard. "We are looking for and implementing flexible measures tailored to the current situation...focusing more on online platforms than offline events to promote our contents and are expanding opportunities to communicate with fans live such as online showcases and fan signing events. As soon as the COVID-19 situation stabilizes, it is hoped that we will be able to host face-to-face events and resolve the disappointment of artists and fans."

Or as Jaeyun sees it, "We are working hard so we can give our positive energy to our fans and everyone during the difficult times of the virus." Read on for more about TOO from the members about their artistic concept, writing on their debut album, plans once they can travel again and more.

Congratulations on your debut even in these difficult times, TOO! In your own words, can you describe TOO and what sets you apart from other K-pop acts?

Jaeyun: We are a group that aims to represent Eastern values. So, to introduce our group, first TOO's music aims to be centered in Asia and focus on the values that lie in the inner cultivation of the mind. That's music that captures and moves peoples' hearts which we call "heart music." Along with heart music, we want to be artists with killer dance moves that go beyond K-pop standards.

Donggeon: We have a special worldview. There are combinations between members based on five elements [earth, fire, water, wood and metal] and each member is in charge of one value each. For example, the first mini album tells the story of "benevolence," the value represented by J.You.

J.You: This first mini-album is my story, with me as the center, and future albums will be focused around other members' stories.

Why was "Magnolia" the right song to choose as your debut single?

Woonggi: I think that "Magnolia" is a great fit for us because it contains our team's worldview very well and has a strong image to it. In particular, the hook is very addictive so we thought the track would be a good choice to introduce us to the public.

Jaeyun: We also wanted to capture TOO's unique worldview in lyrics of "Magnolia" so, for example, the lyrics about "shattered ideals" is a hint toward our worldview regarding the ideas of utopia versus dystopia -- or as we call it, u-too-pia and dys-too-pia. It's part of our story. In the [music video] storyline, the current is dystoopia: we go in the past to change the future, which is the present right now, so it can be a utoopia.

Jerome: There are a lot of hidden meanings in the music video. To give you a hint, if you focus and take a closer look at our accessories, you'll have more fun watching it.

It's impressive some of you have been involved with the music already too. Chan, J.You and Chihoon wrote on "Take It Slow." Was that a special case or will we see more participation in the future?

Jaeyun: Half of our members choose "Take It Slow" as the song most special to us on the album. Some of us were involved in writing, but also the lyrics are lovely and just makes us happy.

Chan: The song name is "Take It Slow," right?" I used fire as a metaphor to love in the lyrics, but you don't want a fire to overwhelm: you want a steady, warm vibe.

J.You: I also tried to match the overall concept of "Take It Slow," but how I interpreted the theme was like, "Let's love each other for a long time, and work to understand each other even if it's clumsy in the beginning."

Chihoon: I was drinking a Coke at the time and suddenly wanted to use Coke as a metaphor for the feeling of love. When you shake a can of Coke, it explodes right? When you shaken up inside the love, it doesn't show the outside but inside it's already blown up. That was my focus on the lyrics. But I do have a number of unreleased songs already that I've already written. I'm going to continue to write songs and produce them for the fans so I want to tell them to look forward to it.

There were 10 other guys in World Klass that you trained and competed with, do you guys stay in touch?

Woonggi: Of course we stay in touch and have a Kakaotalk group chat. They cheer for us when we release new videos.

J.You: But I also want to tell them that we miss all of them and can't wait to see them soon. Some of them are foreigners and we can't see each other, we all miss them.

Jaeyun: We hope they all will be happy no matter which way they go.

It's tough to predict the future, but anything we should look out for in 2020 or messages to fans?

Jaeyun: You will be able to see us making steady efforts and making progress as a team, step by step.

J.You: We also want to win Rookie of the Year as this year's goal. R-O-T-Y!

Donggeon: To our international fans, times are difficult right now, but I hope our small steps into the K-pop world brings you small happiness in your daily lives.

Woonggi: We will show you sides of us as a team and individuals so please keep an out for us. When things get better, I want to travel abroad and see our fans overseas; to see you and other fans. We hope to come back to New York first. We love you!

#too #ot10 #t: interview #s: billboard #d: 200423 #e: benevolence #read more

[doomedandstoned]

Sailing into the Doomed Underworld with VOID KING!

Melissa Marie visits with guitarist Tommy Miller about the Indiana band's journey from leaky garages to international festivals and uncovers a plot to conquer your eardrums...

First of all, I want to say congratulations for all the wild success Void King has experienced in this relatively short amount of time as band. You must feel proud of all of your hard work!

While I appreciate the kind words, I don’t know if we look at it the same way. We have been given a ton of great opportunities by a lot of great people and I think we just took advantage of those when we had them, if that makes sense. We had only been a band for a very short time, when we were asked to open for some pretty big names in the stoner, doom and drone genre. It feels like we hustle hard, but we have these hard to define set of expectations for the band that I don’t know if I could outline. All we really wanted to do when we started this thing was to play loud music and drink beer, but as you see that people are seeming to dig it you want to branch out and what not. We’ve played a lot of shows this year with a lot of bands in a lot of different places. I don’t think that is success, in and of itself, but I do think it’s something we can hang our hats on. So now that I have rambled, I am kind of proud of our work ethic. “Success” will work itself out, whatever that ends up meaning.

Void King at Doomed & Stoned Fest, Filmed by Billy Goate

I would imagine that your relationships with your bandmates would be just as important as your success. I understand that you and your drummer, Derek, have been close friends for about as long as I've been alive that your bassist is actually your younger brother, Chris. How do these connections play into the concoction that is Void King?

I can’t overstate how central and vital that this lineup is to me, personally. I’ve played music with a lot of different people over the years, but the personality thing is always my hang up. As anyone that has ever been in a band before will tell you, that relationship piece is the hardest part to get down and make work. You can write any song with almost anyone. At least, I seem to be able to do that. But to know the people you are writing with and to kind of almost predict how they will participate in the process is borderline miraculous.

Chris is the best musician that I have ever been in a band with -- and that is saying something. He comes from the “prog” world, so he pushes how I think about songwriting all together. Derek and I have been making music together since we were teenagers, practicing in my neighbor’s leaky garage and trying to figure out how to get three guitar players going through one amp. He does a great job of keeping me in check. I tend to want to add some whacky time signature change or dumb chord progression into a song and he knows how to tell me that something is stupid, without making it a whole thing. The whole band is kind of tied together by Jason, for me. Derek and I used to go see him play shows at Ball State when we were young. Jason was the guy in the bands that everyone wanted to see and he was one of the first “rock stars” that I knew, so being able to jam with that guy has been something else.

There are many exciting things happening in the Void King camp, so let's take tackle this one thing at a time. Your fan base has been glued to our collective smart phones and computers following Void King on Facebook and Instagram, championing behind you as you roamed through Europe and left your mark. Please do tell us about your adventures overseas like the Off The Record festival, the challenge it was to schedule such a feat, and those who helped you along the way.

Yeah, I don’t even know if words can properly express just how great Europe was for and to us. It really gave us a different perspective on just about everything and I am sure I am going to miss some experiences here, but I will do my best. First, to say that I am thankful for the time overseas doesn’t even begin to cover it. So many people bought merch and gave us words of encouragement, which really means the world to all of us. It almost felt like we were representing our hometowns when we toured over there. Secondly, precisely none of that tour would have happened without Tjeerd and our label, Off The Record. We played a show on a Wednesday at the Melody Inn with our now label mates, Boudain, and that dude liked us enough to put out our record. I am forever grateful to that man and the risks he has taken on us. As for the shows and adventures over there, they were great.

Every single person that we dealt with was professional, incredibly kind and very encouraging. We were fed at all of our shows, offered a place to stay, and had enough beer to drown a small village. Every single show that we played had a great sound man, stage, and PA. Like, we did not play one bad venue. How many times will I get to play inside of a fortress built in the early 1800’s?

Finally, scheduling was tough, but I got so much help from so many good people that it ended up working out for us in the end. Bob Fouts kind of got the ball rolling for us when I told him that our original booking agent had fallen through, and he put me in touch with quite a few people. From there, I literally just went through Facebook, finding events and venues and seeing where other bands had played in certain cities, and hit those places up. While I got a lot of non-responses, the people that did get back to me were endlessly helpful. I really could not have booked this tour without the help from my new friends Sasha, Ben, Nienke, Maria, and others.

But to come full circle and to answer your question, Off The Record festival was out of this world. Our backline looked like a guitar center warehouse. The sound was arguably the best I had ever heard from the stage. The crowd was packed in there and incredibly receptive to our music. Really, all facets of the trip exceeded our collective expectations.

You've recently announced the release of a 7" split with your label mates Stone In Egypt. Did your time in Europe prompt this collaboration, and is this an indication that there could be more music from Void King to come soon?

That has kind of been in the works for a little whole. But the goal is to definitely write and record a new album in 2018, for sure.

I'd like to talk about your 2016 debut 'There Is Nothing' for a moment. A very sharp sounding piece, this was recorded by Carl Byers at Clandestine Arts. A local hero of sorts. He was also in the legendary blackened doom band Coffinworm. No doubt it was a huge advantage to have such a professional on your side. Surely he's a busy guy, was it difficult to get in contact with him and set it up?

First of all, Coffinworm is my favorite band to ever come out of Indiana. I just want to emphasize your mention there. If people haven’t heard that band, please go do so now. Anyway, Carl is a guy that Jason and I have known is some capacity or another since way back. He’s an old school Muncie guy, so we’ve always had some sort of a connection as it relates to music. Carl is a busy fella to be sure, but he has the right ear for the sound we want. He made us sound like us on the record, and not the “album version” of us. We’ve all heard a band on recording, and then seen them live only to say “Who the hell is this?” We didn’t want that at all.

There Is Nothing by Void King

'There Is Nothing' covers lots of ground with the unique lyrical content, especially about unexplained things like the supernatural. I am particularly attracted to the last two tracks, "Release The Hawks" and "That Was Not An Owl." Lots of us utilize animals as symbols in our personal life and this is transparent through music. You'll stumble across a lot of raven references if you dig into Steve Von Till's 2015 album, 'A Life Unto Itself,' just for example. Any chance we may hear any more songs featuring birds or nature?

Jason’s lyrics have evolved into something else. I don’t know how to say it better than that, but I think you will find more of an “expression of self” on this newest recording. There Is Nothing was more of a commentary on everything else. The new stuff seems to be more of an inward look.

I see 'There Is Nothing' is now in the Salt of the Earth Records Distro! Scott Harrington is quite the force in the underground scene, was it difficult to win him over?

Scott kind of reached out to us to get that relationship started, after we had submitted our music for a festival. He’s one of those guys that really is trying to grow bands and get the word out about music. You can’t have enough of those kinds of people in your corner.

I'm certain that the European tour isn't the end goal, so what is next for Void King?

Definitely. Europe was the first step of a long process. For us, we are going to play couple of more shows and then go into hiding to finish this new record. We want to record next year, and get that whole process moving. But we’re a live band, and we want to play a bunch of festivals in 2018 and 2019. We did a few long weekends this year, and the Europe tour and we want to expand on that. Ideally, we’d like to be on the road as much as we can make happen, and maybe play Indiana three or four times next year, at most.

Thanks so much for your time. Much love, I will see you guys soon!

Thanks again Melissa!

Follow The Band.

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#D&S Interviews #Void King #Indianapolis #Indiana #Doom #Sludge #Metal #Off The Record #Melissa Marie #Photography #Alex Watt #Doomed & Stoned

[a-writer-and-musician-words]

11/30/18, 2:41 PM

THE HEAVY-HANDED CLINICIAN BY TIMOTHY JOSEPH GEISINGER

In a place far beyond the outer reaches of my memories, I grasped no uncertain realities: the thin-bearded, heavy-handed clinician, over the innumerable years, had done his best to kill me. In the year 1968 when the Vietnam conflict as it was dubbed burned grooves of pain and loss into my synapses. The synapses fired less often during that tragic year. Many young, heroic men sacrificed their lives for a cause that the common army soldier failed to comprehend. The D.C. Hawks composed top secret documents and used a variety of colored chalk lines on forest green chalkboards one after the other to strategize, to deploy troops and to hopefully win an unbeatable guerilla warfare far from the states, far from home. Young wives expected their newlywed husband and often newly minted father to return soon enough, after having given everything for the US patriotic cause; to rush laughingly with a great sense of relief into their waiting arms and to scoop up off the stony earth their never forgotten son, or daughter, their young family practically swooning over their homemade hero back from the overseas war. It didn’t work that way though, not exactly. The twenty somethings who were often the grunts, the privates, the guys who were assigned KP, peeling bag after bag of Idaho russet potatoes while cursing the upper echelon that brought him to a degraded part of a foreign land muttering that “This damn place is the worst, so f-In unfair.

Unjust.” Maybe the young husband and dad to Hillary and Frank, maybe he wasn’t far off. It was an unjust war, wasn’t it? The D.C. Hawks, they held all the cards and close to their vest at that! They were the old, entrenched men who sacrificed little, standing pointing and drawing on blackboards, deploying troops here and there, to take a bloody hill, or else maybe to charge a hidden enemy encampment, or else to retreat, hopefully to safety. Not always.

What was safe about being shot at by sniper fire from Chinese exported AK47s with seemingly endless ammunition control and a little boy or girl who sobbing walks easily into the midst of the longing men, who are safely behind their own lines; yet the little foreign kid has a live grenade tucked neatly in the elastic band of their cotton underwear? Seemed like an innocent kid, just needed some help. Maybe I should have been more loving. Maybe we shouldn’t trust any of the Viet Cong people. After all, we’re the invaders. This is their homeland. What right do we have to be here? Miranda, my wife, older by five years, and a baby on the way, me longing for hearth and home, barely out of Basic. I need her. And I love her. The really important thing, though, is that I know she loves me and we love baby on the way. I wanted to name her Zoe; that is if she’s a girl and Zak if he’s a boy. She wants to name her Molly, kind of because her name also begins with the letter M. But also because of our shared child’s song, a made famous Irish melody: “Cockles and Mussels” (Molly Malone). Both of us, though we didn’t meet until being in the same English essays class at the local community college, loved that song. Yet, we loved the song in a unique way; almost as unique as if we are snowflakes, not accumulated snowfalls. Miranda told me, actually, she sung Molly Malone to me, sonorous alto vocal but upbeat, in my elder parents’ living room in Kent, Washington; though we had moved there only for a short while when I was two because my dad was offered a position as an apprentice mechanical drafter for a start-up called THE LAY-OUT. Miranda has the kind of singing voice that even thousands of miles of separation I can hear as if we again are in my parents’ living room on that fated afternoon.

“Miranda, play the song again. I want to sing it with you,” I said. “You knew the song?” She looked wistfully at my clear blue eyes.

“Yeah. I’m surprised you never knew that. I can’t play guitar like you, but I can keep a melody.” I almost nudged her free shoulder in ply.

“I don’t doubt that. Okay.” Then she strummed the first guitar chord and we sang. Miranda and I and now the baby inside her womb. We are singing a song, a duet. We are singing of our shared love, about being newlyweds, about being the lovebirds others have rightfully called us, of our future together, of the eventual birth of Zoe, Zak or Molly or Mark John, or whomever he would be. We were hopefully going to know…together, hand clasped in hand, lips locked mouth to mouth. Resuscitated. Life gifted to dry dead bones. But, now. Damn.

Miranda I cried. I miss you. I am kissing your waiting mouth, pouty pink, swollen lips. I am tightly holding onto your hand because…I think I may never get back, back to you, back to our unborn child, back to the United States of America, back to the life we are destined to share together. As it is written in the legal marriage decree: “Till death do we part. Never leave nor forsake you. I promise Miranda to love and to hold you…” Oh God, why? I know it was me, maybe it was all me. I was the one who wanted to fight for the safety of the Chinese threat upon These Our United States of America. What if, just as in December 1941, the Japanese kamikaze pilots bombed the unsuspecting aircraft carriers and the defenseless Honolulu medical facilities because they could – sent by the Japanese Emperor Hiro, himself, as a formidable military invasion the likes that no one has experience so horrifically since? That was my overwhelming concern; for the lives of my wife and our unborn child, but also for the security of our vulnerable nation. Really, I don’t like that I am an idealist. I want to be practically minded like a business executive bent on amassing wealth and securities for the company he works for yet secretly desires to one day overtake the whole operation, become the new CEO, own more than fifty percent of the company’s shareholdings and expand, expand far into his stocks-controlled company, newly renamed to fit his agenda, and to make room for his ascendancy. Just like a monarch ruling in the 13th century, replete with a court jester (who could have been me) and nobles, feudal lords, thin, beautiful maidens, plenty of cows, several Bantam roosters, and more animals than even he wanted to number. Horses to ride as freely as he saw fit across the wide expanse which was from the royal stables to the outer lands, all under his watchful eye; the nearby smaller, conquered kingdoms making tribute. I digress.

I am an idealist, but I’m not hopeful. My nearest and dearest friend, the one who helped me through the obstacles course, I couldn’t have even graduated without his constant help and his care toward what then was only another soldier in Basic training, at dusk last night was shot clean through his Adam’s apple. Ironic. I don’t say curse words, not usually, but Shit! Alvin Yeltser is worm food. I know I’m being a bit graphic, but so is war. All wars are graphic in nature, not for little eyes and ears...that is, unless the little eyes and ears are attached to the kids who uncontrollably sob, finding an easy way into the base camp, where we all are relaxed, some of us smoking a Marlboro straight, some of us shooting the shit. And then, before anyone is able to prevent the tragic thing you can hear in the silent overly humidity in view of a green grove of bushes and trees overgrown and waiting like an African tiger to pounce on an unsuspecting weary, old, gray elephant getting a drink of water at the local watering hole. You can hear a pin drop! BAM.

The surviving company, a hodge-podge of army green canvas shirts and pants, that’s all any of us are over here, a bunch of selected numbers – by the D.C. Hawks, we, me included are on pickup duty. It was worse, way worse than scrubbing dirty potatoes and slicing them by hand using our army knife. Way more disgusting! Who in their right mind would volunteer for this kind of essential duty? I have never fully been in my right mind. I used to see a thin- bearded male, the one who I call the heavy-handed clinician. It was he who suggested I complete the many self-assessments, various personality and IQ tests, a whole battery of them. Yet it was also he that strongly suggested I am slightly off my rocker. He threw the clinical psychiatric diagnosis straight in my face. The three connecting words which would define most of the following years to today felt like shell shock. “I believe you have what we in the field call Schizo-affective disorder.” I wondered, what the hell is that? Dr. Cavanaugh went on to explain as if he heard my thoughts. “You have some separation from reality, perhaps because of the effects of trauma or perhaps from your parents’ genes, perhaps a combination of both.” I interrupted his next words. “If that’s the schizo- part, than what does ‘affective’ mean?” He smiled weak and wan and said, “I was getting to that. Affective for you means that you have Bipolar I as opposed-” I was growing uneasy. “As opposed to what, Dr. Cavanaugh?”

“As opposed to Bipolar II,” he finished the sentence. Then he stared at my face searching for a connection with my downcast eyes. The tan rug seemed to swallow me up in my fear.

“Reggie. I will help you overcome this illness if I am able. I will at the very least help you to manage its symptoms.”

“So what are the symptoms?”

“Like I began to say, the schizoid tendencies you seem to have lead you to believe what is false is real and perhaps what is real is false. Your grip on reality is not tight and mostly unshakeable like most people. This may have been caused by the extensive physical, sexual, verbal and other emotional abuse you received as a young child, you told me about, that originated with your family, mostly at the hand of your parents. The Bipolar I also known as manic-depressive illness “mixed states” is a tough one. Sometimes your illness will appear very much like Attention Deficit Disorder or ADHD and sometimes you feel as though you are on the Top of The World – you’ll start many exciting, evocative creative projects but you will get distracted and hardly ever be able to finish anything you have begun; whether a short poem, a story or the lyrics of a love song that Miranda would desperately like to hear, the Siren Song will almost always capture you and unfortunately, destroy the very essence of you; that is, unless you take the prescription for medicine I am writing down for you. Here. Any comments, questions or concerns, Reggie?”

“I don’t know anything about Lithium, or this other one, Navane – what are they exactly?”

“The Lithium is meant to be taken to control your rollercoaster-like mood swings. The Navane will help you to focus on the important things in life; not to be distracted by every enticing offer; to help you have a symptom management tool. Really, that’s all Lithium and Navane the neuroleptic are.”

That was the first time I had heard the word ‘neuroleptic.’ Instead of asking Dr. Cavanaugh its meaning I engendered an educated guess. I thought the “neuro” is defined as the brain like in neurology, the study of the brain. I guessed that –leptic like the word epileptic meant seizure, but I was puzzled as to how a “brain seizure” was going to help me manage or overcome my schizo-affective disorder symptoms.

I was to hear the fateful word Schizoaffective; not only that poisoned idolatrous, highly misunderstood and over used word, but Paranoid Schizophrenic, Narcissicism, BiPolar Classic 1 with psychotic features? Really, what? How can a mental illness, disorder, malady, dysfunction, set of character defects, have to do anything with a good thing like “features?” Who is the crazy one then. Maybe the psychiatric-medicine-prescribing CNP or psychiatrist? Maybe they are the ones who’s has a head that needs to be examined.

No doctor even seemed to pick up on the obvious: I am a survivor of guerilla warfare! I am one paranoid son of a “B”. I crouch at the sudden noises all around me. I hit the spring grown grass lawn or the stony ground so D’m’ed easily I am used to lying down on the job; so used to seeing life from a lower point of view as if I might be a dog. Oh, I am. A war dog, hence the dog tags hanging around my neck. The last ID in the theater, to be picked off so easily just like my war buddy recently killed, stricken to death by a clean shot driven through his young man’s Adam’s apple. !968. A sucky year. The year of my eventual demise. the lost year as I would come to know it as.

1968. The Lost Year in a Lifetime of Years.

My wife thinks I may be crazy, more crazy than the effects of PTSD from motherly neglect and fatherly hitting and punching. Why do you think I went into the army in the first place; it wasn't for my better health. I joined the army to get away from my parents. The only thing is I went deep into a worser situation. I can barely make sense of the war. Why am I here fighting a people I don't understand, who peek in and out of the bushes with a sniper rifle butt. And continually use little girls and boys to blow my buddies to kingdom come. I'm having a hard time acclimating to civililian life. I can't understand beyond the war. So many good guys have died. The whole thing troubles me.The Congs some not so nice guys call em gooks - they're not to blame. We were the invaders, attempting to overtake them in their home territory. They weren't kind. But war is hell: flame throwers, sniper shots to the head, grenade pins dropped unaware. There weren't jet strafing except by the US; but their was warfare on the ground that was nearly matchless. The pain inflicted on the US ground forces was not to be overestimated. The misery of head wounds and exploded limbs unparalleled.

I want Miranda but she is slipping from my grasp. She told me she doesn’t want to deal with my head wounds anymore. I tell her I was never shot in the head. She says, “That’s not what I mean. You are so broken. You can’t even forgive your Mom and Dad. Reggie, they did the best they could. I know you’ve heard that so many times but it’s true. I never meant to cause you harm. They didn’t either. You need to forgive them their inadequacies, for every mistake they ever made raising you, or, I won’t be with you. Your unforgiving attitude of them is a poison I won’t put up with.” I cried, “Miranda, hon’ I will get over the pain. Some day. The war killed me. It killed us.” Miranda faced me then as fully as she could, with enough tears in her eyes, to start a small river. “The war killed us.” The recognition of the fact made my head swim. Tears flowed and I looked over at Zoe who was shaking a plastic rattle while she stood braced up against the side of the foldable crib. “Zoe,” I murmured. I knew Miranda was going to leave me and that she would gain full custody of Zoe was likely too. After all I was a mess. Miranda was the sane one. She had the full time job. She owned the condominium. She paid for our only vehicle, a Ford Aerostar. That she worked as an elementary education instructor meant a lot to me. I earned government disability. It’s true I should be working and taking care of Miranda and Zoe. It is no excuse, well it probably isn’t an excuse, that the Viet Nam War inflicted more than just physical wounds and there were some of those. The psychological wounds were like deafening sounds of machine gun fire.

You aren’t telling me what to think. I have to break out of the bonds I was put in. Maybe I put myself in some of my bonds too. I do feel. Like I blame myself for some of who I am today. I want to lay down and curl myself into a tight ball. I want to sleep throughout the night and into the next day and throughout the night again. I could make a sport of it.

Laughter follows the pain which melts the brain.

Inconsequential doings

Closeted fears as bullets whirr

Don’t touch me there,

It’s my private parts -

Mommy said never let a stranger near.

I don’t know why I am writing this book. I have not published anything of significance yet. This book is mostly nonfiction - memories get garbled, facts get skewed. I cannot start with the beginning though I am tempted to do so. The beginning, my beginning, was so depressing, so oppressive. How can that be? Are not the moments in the womb warm and fuzzy, loving and relaxing? Well, no, not really. My mom and dad were at odds with one another. My mom’s ‘happily ever after’ dream had been smashed by her supposed white knight in shining armor. But that’s the beginning. I want to begin the story somewhere in the middle. The days of personal anguish when a biochemical brain disease was issued forth from the cosmos or God, pulsating throughout an unsuspecting body, with a name, schizoaffective disorder. Ugh.

Climbing stealthily into the gnarled oak tree, branches splayed in several directions I felt like kid superman. My Lois Lane at my side. I may have been six but I knew then that I would love her, the girl next door, for the rest of my life. I wasn’t crazy like Anthony Padua the boy who must have thought he could fly like Superman and jumped from his Dad’s third floor tenement house, a rental he had in South Chicago.

There was almost always something nuts going on in Chicago, even then. The Valentine’s Day Massacre occurred in Chicago. Gangsters littered the streets. A big fire practically burned the whole town down. But Chicago only got worse. The big town became a place I wanted to visit but never live there. Now Shy Town is a place I wouldn’t even want to visit: gunshot soaring through the air, night and day. Kids getting knifed. Bomb threats made good in elementary schools. Just like Gotham City, The Windy City needed a superhero. I am glad that I never moved to Chicago. My parents were as afraid of the big town on the Michigan River just as much as me. Maybe they were afraid for me.

Who will be Chicago’s savior? I decided to start a superhero gym of sorts. I live in Minneapolis, a Minnesotan mid sized town hundreds of miles north of Chicago. I knew Chicago needed superheroes to save its neck or Chicago would be underwater; not only would the city get a bad reputation that it couldn’t live down, no one would want to visit it, its tall skyscrapers, its stock and exchange building, its cool Lake Michigan waters.

“Lois?”

“Clark.”

I reached across a thick branch and touched her arm. “Its about time time to come down, don’t you think?”

“Yeah I suppose.” She smiled toward me and carefully embraced the trunk, sliding part ways down.

The years have gone strongly by. The autumnal leaves dropped from upward tree branches. Icy winters after their own fashion. Springy springs with the first Robin and its delicate light blue eggshell. Summer with the whirring of gluey green grasshoppers and garden toads, green frogs and painted turtles by the reeds and the slimy rocks.

There was the usual. Barbells. Chest strengthener. Chin up stations., even a swimming pool, albeit 10 by 20.

“Miranda, where are you, my love?” “Have I been bad because I lost my temper with you and Zak.”

“Reggie, I don’t know if I can ever forgive you. I love you but from very far away. Don’t follow me. You wouldn’t know where to look anyway. Give up on an Idyllic married life. I can’t let you see the kids. You scare them. You may not mean to but all the same. We’ll love you from a distance. Again don’t chase us down. You won’t easily find us. Good-bye.”

Those are the last words I heard in Miranda’s voice coming from somewhere inside of me; yet, I know those words to be true. I need to get to the gym and workout. I think I hate myself - for what I did to the two kids more than anything else, but also for destroying my already fragile marriage. Vietnam did me no favors.

Even so, Miranda was never to be blamed, not for separating from me after I returned from Vietnam, nor feeling burned out. Mental illness will do that to you.

The devil is Faust’s unwanted friend, drilling holes into his weakening soul.

And Faust lately has been ironically on Miranda’s mind, caught up in the grey edges of her ever titular mind. Maybe because her soon to be ex-husband was lost in the etchings of the Vietnam conflict, that which almost singlehandedly destroyed him. She didn’t know that he is a super hero. He barely knew it himself.

Chicago is not easy for him or for Miranda. His psychiatrist was not easy with Zak either, but that was okay. It had to be okay. Memories of Miranda and more importantly his faith in Christ had to sustain him, empower him to save others. He couldn’t be a super hero not without his faith.

Yet thank God that Miranda left him when she did and left him - left me, where she did. Saint Paul, Minneapolis. The frigid air surrounding me in the late Fall early winter. Before the wintry bitterness sets in for those creatures who desire a longer Fall, less ice and even, less snowfall. To some Minnesota Winters could be equated with the process of dying. I am not extraordinary or am I; yet I long to help, to guide, perhaps even to push people - God’s creatures - into safety, into health.

Miranda left me! Not for another man, but for what she deemed was her sanity. The divorce was messy like a typical divorce, but only because she wanted everything, including sole possession of our kids. I won visitation rights primarily because I had a long history of PTSD coupled with schizoaffective disorder. She plain just did not trust me with our kids, to have close, unsupervised visits. What made me mad was although I wanted to be involved with Daddy daughter events and father son events the court’s decisions fell in her favour.

I wish I could be a great thinker but my brain is mush. Thank God that He still accepts me the way I am, otherwise I don’t know what I would do.

[writtenin-themargins-blog]

one hundred snapshots of solitude

“Therefore, dear Sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away, you write, and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast. And, if what is near you is far away, then your vastness is already among the stars and is very great; be happy about your growth, in which of course you can’t take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind, be confident and calm in front of them and don’t torment them with your doubts and don’t frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn’t be able to comprehend.” 

Reading Letters To A Young Poet around the time of completing my chapbook was the best alignment of source material and product. Since I was a budding poet, I considered the words of wisdom originally addressed to Franz Xaver Kappus as Rilke speaking directly to me. I learned how to love the craft of writing, persevering through it even when the world didn’t care. 

Now, I’m thinking about these words again, as they’re resurfacing around a time of transition, when I think I’m starting to love my solitude, and should be. 

Graduation is still surreal to me. It’s as if I can hear the tremors of an earthquake reverberating and humming. I just missed the earthquake when it happened–– I am not a witness, who am I to say if it happened or not? I can only base the event on the aftermath–– the evidence is enough to prove it, but evidence is not the same as the experience. I experienced a whole lot in my undergraduate career, but all these moments don’t add up to one conglomerate whole meaning “college.” I want them to remain as fragments, so they can be like constellations–– easy to identify and ruminate over. As long as I’m the possessor, they’ll remain that way. 

But something that’s out of my control is people leaving. They say they will come back and keep in touch. “We should meet up at such and such a time,” they say. I agree. We part ways with this half-made promise between us, waiting to be fertilized with fulfillment. And even with the ones who are staying nearby, other things take up time. Working to pay the bills, rent, food, gas, date nights, a new guitar so they can finally get to learning, self-help books, fresh paint for the apartment. 

One of the scariest things for me during this post-grad life is the lost of friendship at the expense of change. I’m the biggest proponent of change; I’m an outside-your-comfort zone addict. If you come to me with a life decision, I will tell you to do the thing that makes you afraid and uncertain, because you will learn so much about yourself, emerging from it stronger.

I’ve made it past this crossroad of making a decision between the practical/expected vs. the impractical/unconventional. If it all works out, I’d be halfway across the world for a year. But I won’t leave until next year. 

Already, people are drifting. This seriously dawned on me towards the end of fall semester of senior year, when two exchange student friends were about to go back to their home countries. I thought this would be close to reality for the rest of my friends. It wouldn’t be as drastic as going overseas, but distance would tap us on the shoulder, reminding that things would not be the same. 

I can’t pinpoint the exact time and day, but I knew I had to learn how to be okay with being by myself. This came at a time when I knew I couldn’t depend on someone else’s time and attention, because even though this person gave both to me, they failed to fully satisfy. My sights were high–– I decided to travel to and in New York City by myself. Scoring a Bolt Bus ticket for $1 definitely sealed the deal. Also, I would meet with a friend in the evening so we could go to her apartment where I would spend the night. When I told my friends about my solo trip plan, they said it sounded sad. I thought, “Is learning how to love your solitude normally perceived as sad, or was it the way I explained it?” 

Walking from the Bolt Bus in the crisp January air, headed towards Best Bagels & Coffee (really though, they have the best NY bagel sandwiches), all by myself, with Google Maps in hand, I was exhilarated. The energy, the cold breeze flowing along with my confident steps, and the prospect of an adventure were with me. Walking in circles finding the right subway line (because the NY subway map is a doozy), lost in the mob of fast-paced pedestrians was disorienting. Thankfully, I was lost by myself, without anyone to blame or chastise me. That’s one of the perks of traveling by yourself. 

After finding the right line, riding the train to 86th avenue in the Upper East Side, walking through the Met at my own pace, absorbing and analyzing art for three hours, then spending the next day and a half with people, I saw both sides of inhabiting my body and how it processes my surroundings. When I was by myself, I really had to remember–– verbalizing my experiences and feelings to a friend means I can really capture that moment. But in solitude, the absence of another person doesn’t mean the memory is more valid or real. No, the memory transpires because I must preserve its life by being present-minded. Paying attention to sensations, both visual and internal, is even more important. I can’t lose it, I can’t lose it, I can’t. 

This lesson of the value of being alone carried over to the Bon Iver concert I recently attended. When it was announced online, I asked one of my close friends if she wanted to go with me, since I knew they were one of her favorites. She declined, saying that it would cost too much money. Then, on the day of the ticket sales, I had an internal debate: “You can either pass on this because your friend’s not going, so it will be less fun, OR you can buy yourself a ticket and go regardless of company, because it’s too good of an opportunity to pass by.” I chose the latter. Seeing my favorite band in the flesh was way more of a benefit than having some company. 

A different friend said she was going. We wouldn’t sit together, but the plan was to hang out before showtime. Then, a week before the concert, she said she wasn’t going anymore. So I really would be by myself. 

The concert was still spectacular. Nostalgia and memories of certain songs flooded me without warning. In my solitude, I contemplated what these songs meant to me at specific times of my adolescence. The lights and visuals were so sensory that they burned into my eyes, forcing me to remember. I thought of myself in relation to the large crowd, all fans of the same band, but with their own unique experiences of what Bon Iver meant to them. 

I posted videos of the concert and my reaction as I was in my car waiting through traffic, onto my Instagram story. Someone replied to it, asking if I went by myself. She said she was planning on going to a concert by herself, but she didn’t know how to feel about it. We then got into a discussion about my experience traveling to New York by myself, and how that set the bar for later experiences in solitude. She said she felt better about the plan, based on what I told her. 

I think we perceive our activities done in solitude more dramatically than what people actually perceive. There was an article in The Atlantic about a study exploring this topic, and onlookers don’t really perceive the individual as lonely–– that’s just what we think when we’re by ourselves. I’m not saying that if you need other people with you, you’re clingy or incompetent. But in this stage of people moving and changing, you can’t depend on them to be there for you all the time. 

You must be familiar with yourself, learning about your quirks, weaknesses, strengths, dreams, and loving that uniqueness within you. Most of the mundane things we do, like errands, pumping the gas, commuting to work–– amount to about one hundred snapshots of solitude. They pass by quickly, so normalized that we don’t consciously think how alone we are, or maybe we do. The more we are comfortable and loving with ourselves, the more wonder we see in these ordinary things. You will be more observant and understanding of others. Strangers on subways will become stories whose threads you try to untangle. You might have an epiphany about life when the numbers representing dollars and gallons rack up. You’ll experience it by yourself, but you can always have someone to tell it to later. 

This quote by Annie Dillard sums up the power of solitude and being in the present: “If you wish to tell me that the city offers galleries, I’ll pour you a drink and enjoy the company while it lasts; but I’ll bear with me to my grave those pure moments at the Tate (was is the Tate?) where I stood planted, open-mouthed, born, before that one particular canvas, that river, up to my neck, gasping, lost, receding into watercolor depth and depth to the vanishing point, buoyant, awed, and had to be literally hauled away. These are our few live seasons. Let us live them as purely as we can, in the present.” 

#writing

[hottytoddynews]

Thomas Getman has spent his entire life working tirelessly to provide aid and relief for those in need, both domestically and internationally. As the son of a Quaker humanist, he grew up being instilled with the values that he has carried with him during a career dedicated to service. This week he has spoken with classes in the Meek School of Journalism at Ole Miss about the threats that he feels face the country and the world. 

Getman has led faith-based groups, served as the director of World Vision (a group designed to encourage the government to provide aid for the needy overseas) while being guided by his faith. 

“My dad was the salvation army commissioner in our town growing; I grew up with that same attitude,” Getman said. “One day, my high school football coach talked to me about faith and commitment to the divine order of things. I began to explore Christianity more deeply, and it’s very clear that were supposed to care for the poor, the oppressed and the marginalized.”

While he moved around a bit, Getman ensured he would become a change agent in each community in which he resided. In both Boston and Philadelphia, Getman worked with high school students and inner-city residents to help provide them with a quality education that they had once been denied. 

Getman eventually moved to Washington D.C. and became the Congressional legislative director for Senator Mark Hatfield. There he drafted up legislation that led to international change and relief for many under the threat of Idi Amin’s leadership in Uganda. His position in the Senate led to a life changing meeting. 

“I led the campaign to put sanctions on Idi Amin, which led to the anti-apartheid legislation in South Africa because Desmond Tutu walked in and asked for a briefing on African issues,” Getman said. “Ever since he walked into our office, my life was changed forever. Hearing of how he put his life on the line day after day to help people.” 

Getman’s involvement with World Vision took him to the Middle East as he attempted to build positive relationships between Israel and Palestine. He was able to find success in a program titled “Grieving Parents” which brings together parents who have lost children in terrorist attacks. 

“Parents from both sides who lost children in terror attacks grew close to one another for not only comfort, but they spoke out against the idiocy of violence,” Getman said. 

The debate will rage on about the refugee crisis facing the world today, but Getman keeps politics aside as he continues his effort to create opportunities for those who are in search of aid. When prompted about the “light on the hill” that is the United States, Getman spoke of how that may be changing. 

“Those of us who have been to middle east know and love Syrian people. They’re wonderful people who want to provide for their families. There people just like us and millions of them have been displaced, so how do we help these people? We turn them away at the airport..that will just make more people mad,” Getman said. ““The light on the hill is dimming, people overseas are losing respect for the US because of our lack of attention to the needs of the marginalized, the orphans and the strangers.”

While Getman was able to work with the Clinton and Bush administrations to steer members of the government to send aid to those in need, he doesn’t plan to reach out to the politicians in Washington. Instead, he looks to a book titled “Thank You For Being Late” by Tom Friedman, which speaks of where he believes true governing originates. 

“Governing doesn’t come from presidents, prime ministers, senators or members of parliament,” Getman said. “Real government comes from families, communities, core groups and Good Neighbor programs (a program which houses refugees). Those kind of acts start to filter up. People must band together to take care of one another. I’m going to beat down the doors of the white house; I’m going to keep fanning the flames in my community and loving the people that we’re given from other places.”

He has practiced what he preaches, over the last 2 months Getman and his wife have opened their home to three different afghan families who he believes are “bright and vibrant people who will make great contributes to our society.”

Getman knows that true change will come as long as both sides can have an open discussion, and concerned citizens voice their opinions in the appropriate ways. 

He said, “When anarchist type people weigh in, they burn cars, smash cars. It undermines the efforts to solve problems, but when millions of people march respectfully as we saw with the women’s march, then think people get the difference.”

With many across the country on edge about the threat of foreign terrorism, Getman weighed in on the war being waged across the world. He is worried that there is a war we may not be fighting hard enough. 

“One of my concerns is that there are two wars going on. The war against terror that seems to have captivated everybody,” Getman said. “Then there’s the much larger war against hunger. We’ve had 190,000 people killed in terror attacks around the world since 9/11, which is a tragedy. But at the same time we have 40,000 people a day die from hunger and water-related illnesses. There’s enough food to feed everyone in the world; we just don’t pay attention to it. We may be fighting the wrong war.”

Citing facts from the EPA, Getman fears that over 14 million houses will be without water by 2020 if something doesn’t change. 

“There’s 144,000 water purification plants around the US and there old. There not cleaning the water anymore,” he said. “The pipes are rusty and broken. People are getting sick from the led because these pipes are part of the old infrastructure. Section 8 housing is particularly bad, and poor children are forced to drink water that is posting them.” 

The poorest people are traditionally the most neglected by politically motivated decision, according to Getman whether it’s because of re-election concerns, funding issues or any other issues that may arise. He wants against making decisions for those reasons and using the power to help the most people possible. 

“You have to set your priorities from the lowest common denominator, not from on-high. Often the decisions made at the highest level are affected by politics that they don’t really hear the poorest of the poor,” Getman said. “One of the reasons we had the outcome we did in this last election is because only 60 percent of the electorate voted. We’ve become one of the lowest voting democracy’s in the world.”

Getman now travels across the country to speak to students about the need for action to help people across the world. In his travels, he’s seen the willingness to help people and urges more to get involved. 

I hope to inspire young people that are coming up especially in journalism to take on the role of advocacy for those who are really suffering, and to raise up issues like the water and the hunger issues,” Getman said. “There have been very poignant, multi-layered questions from students about how they can get involved, that’s very exciting. If just a few people take fire that’s worth a trip. You never know where the seeds you sew, come to fruition but I’m confident that it does because I’ve seen it.”

After a trip down to the Mississippi Delta, Getman saw many of the issues he speaks of represented in the area. When he returned to Oxford, he reflected on his trip and realized that something has to change.

“After pondering what I saw in the devastated towns, with the empty main streets and vacant factories I came to a realization. We are at a pivot point in our society about how to deal with the undercurrent of issues that improvised people deal with in places where thriving communities once existed.” Getman said, “If we spent less on fighting terrorism, we could redirect those funds to our infrastructure we’d be a lot better off.”

When he’s not speaking to students, Getman also coordinates efforts in both the U.S. and South Africa at the Liliesleaf Farm to bring together members of government, liberation fighters and citizens to ensure history doesn’t repeat itself. This is done through countless individuals drawing on their memories to recreate the most factual recounting of what took place in some of the world’s most difficult times. 

“Memories are a fragile thread to hang on one person’s recollection. We do these in Washington as well as South Africa. My dream is to one day do the same in the Middle East,” Getman said. “History is so palpable that it’s instructive to future generations.

While there are threats that must be dealt with, Gettman believes that people have the power to bring about true change just as he saw in South Africa during one of the darkest periods in history. 

“We live with great hope because we’ve seen the miracles before. We thought there would never be liberation in South Africa, but then leaders gathered, and after 21 meetings, Nelson Mandela was released, and the rest is history.” Getman said. “If people set their shoulders to the wheel I know, assuredly, there will be bright spots that will encourage people in the world like Mandela did. The power of one and the power of community will always be there.” 

Getman’s faith has driven him to make a difference, and he believes that action in the name of helping others is the most important part of any faith. 

“Faith in action is critical if one understands that faith is not just to save ourselves. It’s unbiblical to have a faith that stops with our own salvation,” Getman said. “Faith is only real if it’s fleshed out in the hardest situations, when people mobilize to show what faith is about not just to talk about it.” 

Steven Gagliano is a writer for HottyToddy.com. He can be reached at [email protected]. 

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