#you know??? balance it out. you can do good for people but you also have to be silly with friends. it's vital

[ben-talks-art]

Okay... This episode of Digital Circus almost made me cry... almost!

When I saw the first episode of this show I knew I was going to really like it, but I wasn't prepared for how much I was going to love it. This reminds me of when X-Men 97 premiered and even though we were only two episodes in I could already tell this was going to be something special.

I know it's super, super early to say this, but this might become one of my favorite shows. The way they handled this episode really worked for me in a way I haven't felt in a while.

From the very first scene things already start on a really strong note, with our main lead, Pomni, having nightmares about the worst-case scenario from the new situation she's in where she imagines herself being affected by the circus glitch and being abandoned by the rest of the cast.

This does a great job setting up her sense of isolation and how she thinks she's on her own even though they all should be on the same boat together.

This gets highlighted even more as another member of the circus, Ragatha, is seen constantly trying to show her support and getting Pomni to cheer up despite the dreadful situation they're in while Pomni herself just acts indifferent as if she had already given up on everything and everyone.

I found this characterization of hers so relatable because I also used to think for a while that my problems were mine and mine alone and that everyone trying to help me were doing that just out of obligation and not because they really cared.

For some reason it felt "safer" to just assume I couldn't count on anyone because then I wouldn't have to worry about being disappointed in anyone, after all, you can't get disappointed if you don't get your hopes up.

So imagine how hyped I got when I saw that they indirectly made Pomni realize why it's important to rely on people when they switched the roles and placed her on the position where she needed to be there for someone.

I wanted to jump and slam my desk while shouting "Perfect! Perfect! This is just perfect!!"

Everything that needed to be said was being said just in the right way, just at the right time, and with the right amount of emotion, just the right amount of seriousness and levity.

Cause here's the thing, the media often has this obnoxious tendency of portraying antisocial characters as people that need to just "Get over it."

A lot of writers enjoy lumping grumpy characters, and reserved characters, depressed characters, angry characters and all these stuff as people who just need someone to cheer them up and have them forget about their problems, as if they were babies that just need to grow up and learn to be less grumpy so they can join in with the fun alongside everyone else.

You notice that it's always a person in a bad mood + someone who's always cheerful, happy, and with a child-like joyful attitude to be their contrast or someone to call them out on their "grumpyness."

And that always bothers me because it makes it seem like they're downplaying someone's struggle or inner turmoil as if they were minor things that they latch onto to just because nobody has told them to let it go yet.

I like when stories showcase why people struggle so much to let go of this mindset, why they struggle to open up to others and find themselves cheering to their day-to-day lives again.

But I'm also aware that this is not an easy task cause it's basically asking to show someone being depressed for a good portion of your story, and if that goes on for too long or it starts diving into a too heavy of a territory, it can make it a challenge just to watch.

So yeah, I get it, it's hard to find the right balance.

To show why someone needs to overcome their personal demons, while also making it an enjoyable experience to go through.

You don't want a case like Legend Of Korra where Lin Beifong's issues were pretty much treated as a joke, but you also don't want something like the Beast Boy segments from Young Justice where every scene with him just felt the same thing for 5 or 6 episodes, even though they were realistic scenes depicting someone going through what he was dealing with and they all built up to an amazing conclusion with Black Canary... But it was still draining to go through that.

You need to find the right balance and I felt like this episode really succeeded in that. You get why Pomni feels the way she does and you get why Ragatha tries so hard to help her out and why it's important that she keeps trying even when it seems like there is no point.

I really like how Ragtha isn't just "Cheer up, Pomni! Let me show you the secret to enjoying life!", she's actually trying to be sensitive of her situation, giving her the space and time she needs, and being there for her but not forcing herself on her.

She validates Pomni's pain but also knows it's a pain that she needs to learn how to deal with, otherwise, she's just gonna miss out on her own life.

The final scene was the thing that really got me.

When Pomni finally realized that the same way she tried to help out that NPC when they were stuck, she also needs to let others help her out.

It took me so long to realize in life that I don't need to deal with everything on my own, that I had people there for me, that I'm allowed to be vulnerable and make mistakes and that the people around me who love and care about me would still be there for me.

It took way, way too long for me to realize all that, so to see that final shot of Pomni imagining herself falling just like in her dream, but this time she had trust that her friends would be there to catch her, it really hit me good.

I'm not sure how to explain it but for some reason I was really proud of her for learning such an important lesson so quickly that it took me so long to learn myself. Like, I know she's not real, she's a fictional character, but I felt an immense relief while thinking people would watch this, and learn from this, and not make the same mistakes I did.

I have no idea where this show is going, but I feel like I'm in safe hands and can't wait to see what else they're going to do and where they're going to go.

I'm very very hyped for this series!

Also, I know this makes me a monster, but this scene made me laugh. :)

#the amazing digital circus #digital circus #tadc pomni #pomni #tadc ragatha #pomni x ragatha #Youtube

[kakiastro]

The Numerology and Astrology of 1997

Numerology is my 2nd favorite thing to study besides Astrology. They go hand in hand in my mind. They’re interconnected with each other. You’ll see when I break it down for y’all in this post.

I specifically chose this year because well, I realized 1997 and 2024 are both 8 years. Let me break it down…

Add up the numbers

1 + 9 + 9 + 7 = 26

2 + 6 = 8

2 + 0 + 2 + 4 = 8

So if you were born in 1997, then you was born during an 8 year. 2024 is an 8 year as well. So this year is like a rebirth of some sorts or a karmic cleansing.

Keep in mind. This is different from life path numbers because you add your birth month, day and year. It’s a lot lol but we’re only focusing on your birth year only

8

-ruled by Saturn and Capricorn in numerology. These born natives may have had a tough or not easy upbringing. They may have had to grow up or learn some harsher lessons early in life than most. They were born during a karmic year so if you’re the type who believes in reincarnation, then you can say these native “have been here before” could be an ancestor that’s come back, I think a lot of kids born this year are “old souls” as well.

-these natives life lesson needs to learn how to balance the spiritual world with the material world. They have a strong belief in a higher power(s) and believe that no matter what challenges they go through, they will succeed and flourish. These natives are the hard knocks kids. These are the first group of Gen-Z but they relate more to their older Millennials siblings. They remember what the world was like right before we entered into today’s digital world. They remember blockbuster and flip phones, hell, most of them probably had one themselves as preteens before smart phones took off😅

-another lesson these natives need to learn is to help out when they can. It doesn’t always have to be financially either, helping someone with bags of groceries, complimenting someone (helps their self worth), donating old clothes or money to a charity, giving out advice or encouraging words to people are also good. Do this out of the kindness of your soul and heart, not because you expect a reward. I will tell you this, 8 is a loop so what you put out will come back around one way or another. I know that cliche but that’s the energy 8 has. 8 is connected to the spirit realm and earthly remember that.

-ambitious and powerful individuals. They enter a room and you notice them immediately. If these natives do succeed materially, just know, it was through hard work, sweat, blood and tears literally and figuratively lol

- August is the 8th month of the year. This is one of the Summer months. August is late Leo and Early Virgo seasons. These natives exhibit warm energy which means theyre kind, and have a welcoming personality. They may be popular in their friend group or just well liked by people. They may constantly go through health issues in their life but these people are warriors, they can get through some tough situations. August is a late summer month, these people are considered late bloomers (not a bad thing!) and since they’re a Capricorn group, their life can become more lighter and easy going as they get older. They work hard in their early years to relax in there older years. Usually after their First Saturn Return and around 35 is when life can start to improve.

Astrology

-since this is a Saturn ruled year group, we need to look at what sign Saturn was in, in 1997.

-Saturn was in Aries during this year. Which means this group has Martian energy. They are warriors like I said earlier. Harsh upbringings but they push through. I wonder how many people born this year had to have surgery or suffered any burns growing up. Scars may be heavily present in these individuals during this year.

-identity and finding who they are outside off what they were taught to be will be a theme for them. They may struggle with self confidence during younger years but they find it as they age. I know I talk about age a lot but it is significant for this group since Saturn rules Age and time.

-since Saturn is in Aries, these folks 1h and Mars are the most important.

In 1997, Mars was in Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius and Capricorn.

-Mars Libra natives will learn the lesson how to balance the most. Working with others and being diplomatic will be lessons on what to learn. Marriage and partnerships. Family such as their grandmothers will important to these natives. They need to learn the balance when to pick up their sword and when they need to lay it down to negotiate. Aries oppose Libra. There’s always going to be a push-pull with these natives. I can’t stress enough, find that balance.

-Mars Scorpio natives will learn the lesson of vulnerability and intimacy. Aries is an independent and solo sign but Scorpio is how we connect on a deeper level with each other. Sex may be something they struggle with and will need to learn understand beyond societal conditions on it. Financials and paying off debt.

-Mars Sagittarius natives will learn the lesson of philosophy and beliefs. You may be the type to fight for them and don’t like to be challenged on them. Now you will need to learn others beliefs and this doesn’t mean you have to agree with them but it’s best to get well rounded on different viewpoints for your spiritual benefit.

-Mars Capricorn natives will be the main ones learning about hard work and ambition. I feel like this group may have it the hardest because you got that double Saturn energy in you that you have to learn. People may not respect you or you don’t get the recognition you feel you deserve. I promise once you learn theses old cycles, it will get better. Aries Sq Capricorn as well so this is not an easy but necessary lesson. Y’all got this!

8 is also ruled by Pluto. So this group will always be going through extreme transformation, this doesn’t always have to be a bad thing either. Their Pluto is in Sagittarius so their beliefs and world view will go through different phases. They have deep thirst for knowledge and truth. 8 is also co ruled by Mars so there’s that warrior energy again lol

These Natives are turning 27 this year!

2 + 7 = 9

9 represents endings and cycles. 9 is also ruled by Mars and in astrology is ruled by Jupiter.

Saturn is currently in Pisces. Pisces also rules over endings since it’s the last sign of the zodiac. They are also going through their pre-Saturn Return shadow period.

The Current NN Aries is conj their Saturn and numerology planet ruler. A small few is going through their Reverse Nodal return as well

This is also their 4h profection year. The 4h isn’t just about family, it’s connected to your soul and soul family.

-these natives are going to feel like they’re going through Deja vu while also going through new experiences. There’s a level of uncertainty thats filled with hope. My advice is to just go with the flow and take each day at a time. You guys are wrapping up 8 year another cycle. They are discovering who they are under in depth. They are exploring there faith and ideals and what feels right to them.

-This current cycle lasted from 2016-2024. Think back on those years, while still learning this one.

-This cycle will be from 2024-2033. 2033 is the next 8 year

Fun facts

When you all were born, Titanic, Jurassic Park, Men in Black were the biggest movies of that year!

The first Harry Potter was also released that year. It’s funny that there’s a tv show in the making during its return😅

#astrology #astrology community #knowledge #astro observations #love astrology #advanced astrology #kakiastro #tropical astrology #birth chart #numerology community #numerology #numerology by kakiastro

[miasmal-sweetness]

Eye Level

NSFW - MDNI - 18+ ONLY

My brain is currently refusing to cooperate and work on any other writing until I spit out my dumb little one-shot with my favorite trope (size differences) with one of my favorite demons. So here ya go. Hopefully I’ll be back to writing out my planned Cloud fics afterwards.

Eye Level

Summary: Alastor x reader. 4.1k. You're short. You know it, everyone at the hotel knows it. You've assumed that it's some sort of divine punishment for whatever sins you committed while alive, but it's really not so bad, as long as no one hides your step-stool. Today, you've found a new problem with it, though, when you try to get a little closer to your favorite 7-foot-tall demon.

Warnings: NSFW, MDNI, dead dove do not eat, size difference (reader reaches Alastor’s hips), smut, reader is gender-neutral with reference to having a vagina, reader wears a dress and bloomers, Alastor being sadistic, reader being a masochist, Alastor calls you “good girl” because I’m a sucker for it

The red light of the sky outside is bleeding in to the hotel, burning your eyes and causing an ache in your head. You want to shut it out, but Niffty is busy cleaning all the windows. Rubbing your right temple, you shift on the couch in an attempt to angle yourself away from the worst of the light as you continue to read your book. The words on the page seem harsher than before against the rough, yellowed pages. In addition to Earth’s actual sunlight, you also find yourself missing the convenience of heading out to the pharmacy to pickup some painkillers that weren’t illicit substances.

“Something the matter, dearest?”

You lift your head at the sound of Alastor’s voice. He’s blocking the light as he stands in front of you, his long shadow easing the pain in your head. You have to crane your neck to look at his smiling face, but you’re used to it at this point.

“Oh, I just have a headache,” you say with a light shrug. “I’m okay. How are you doing?”

“Wonderful as always, darling,” he assures. “Why don’t you join me for a cup of coffee upstairs? I’ve found it works like a charm for a headache.”

You perk up at the thought. It’s a little late in the day to have coffee, but you’re not one to turn down a drink and a snack with Alastor. You take care of most of the cooking for the hotel, since Niffty took over your old job of cleaning, so having something made by another person is a nice treat. Plus, he’s good company—he’s the most polite person you think you’ll ever meet in Hell.

“I’d love to,” you say, sliding off of the couch. You smooth out your dress and tuck your book under your arm; you can finish it another time. Your certain that if you were taller, Alastor would do the gentlemanly thing you see him do with others and link arms with you, but that’s not really possible at your height. Instead, he leads the way by engulfing your little hand with his.

You’re barely focused on the small-talk he makes with you as he guides you up the stairs. His gloves are smooth, and you can feel his claws tickling the skin on your wrist and hand. You know that, as much as Alastor enjoys invading other people’s personal space, he does not enjoy allowing others in to his personal space. Despite this, he has been rather open to your presence; picking you up, holding your hand, ruffling your hair. It feels nice. It makes you feel special—like he’s bestowing an honor on you just by patting you on the head, one that the others don’t get.

You nearly trip over a step, and it snaps you out of your thoughts. Alastor stops you from hitting the ground by extending his arm, letting you put your weight on him for balance.

“Careful, dearest,” he chides, “I’m not always here to catch you.”

Your headache is back, caused by the heat rushing to your face and chest. “Right, thank you,” you mumble, ducking your head. “I-I was just thinking.”

“About what?” You should have seen that coming.

Your eyes dart around as he guides you towards his room. “Uh, j-just—the book you lent me,” you spit out. “I’m almost finished with it. It’s really good.”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying it,” he says, holding open the door for you. “It’s not often I meet another down here that enjoys a good book.”

You smile and step in to his room—immediately, you’re hit by the scent of paper, candles, wood that is well-cared for, and decaying leaves and other plant matter. You know his room changes. You know that what you see is different from what the others see when they enter. You’ve heard them mention the swamp that makes up half of the room, often complete with a decaying deer. Every time he has invited you in, however, it has been nothing other than a lovely room that looks like it belongs in some fancy townhome from the 1920s.

Just another thing that makes you feel special.

“If you have a favorite book, I’d love to read it,” you suggest as you slip out of your shoes.

Alastor’s grin grows even wider than usual. “Really? Well, I’ll have to think about it; I have quite a few in my collection that I favor.” It’s a lie, an excuse to put this off for later. There’s something he doesn’t want you to see. You can sense it, deep down in your gut, but you ignore it. He’s always shielded your eyes from the bad—from the gore of Hell, from those that would try to take advantage of you, even from some of the arguments among the others. This is no different.

Moving on from the topic, Alastor snaps his fingers, and a tray of coffee and small snacks appear on his dining table. He’s added cream and sugar for you; he doesn’t understand your sweet-tooth, but he does indulge it.

“Oh, and a treat for you, little one.”

He snaps his fingers again, and when you next blink your eyes, you find that a dish has appeared on the tray. It’s a slice of cake—the same you remember ogling outside the bakery window the last time you went outside the hotel. The hotel doesn’t offer payment for your services, so your measly pocket change was not enough to get it. He must have noticed your longing for that delicious, soft piece of cake. You don’t even remember the last time you had the luxury of cake. The last time was probably when you were alive, and you have the feeling it was one of those store-bought cakes that are dry and covered in thick, sickeningly sweet icing.

This cake is fancy. This cake is fluffy and standing tall, covered in berries and whipped cream with just the right amount of sweetness. And most of all—it means that Alastor paid that much attention to you on a silly outing that he didn’t need to be a part of.

“Thank you, Alastor!”

You throw out your arms and wrap them around him. It’s a chance as good as any. The closest you have come to hugging him is when he’s picked you up and carried you around like a doll. Surely a gift like this means he would be okay with it—although, the second you touch him, you realize you’re probably reading a little too much in to a slice of cake, and maybe it’s because you forgot to eat lunch.

Your arms wrapped around his legs, your feet in between his. And now you remember just how short you are compared to him. Normally, you’re either staring at the ground or you’re turning your head all the way up to look at his face, which makes it easy to forget that your head reaches an… unfortunate location that you have just unknowingly pushed yourself against.

Your face is burning again. Your head is throbbing. If you weren’t already condemned to Hell, this would probably have gotten you in. Your cheek is right against his groin. You fear looking up at his face for a reaction, but you do it anyway and see that, despite his smile, he looks to be just as shocked as you, if not more. And then it changes. The shock is fading. His eyes are getting darker, and that strange look in his eyes—one that you’ve never seen on him—is directed at you.

You force your body in to action. “I-I’m sorry!” you squawk, stumbling away from him. “Um! I-I just—I was excited; I didn’t mean to—uh, s-sorry, sorry!” You’re clumsily making your way back towards the door, nearly slipping from the lack of friction your socks have on the polished floor.

Alastor takes a step closer to you, and you bristle, picking up the pace. “Ma cher, don’t—”

“Sorry!” you cry one last time, slipping out the door and in to the safety of the hallway. You dash to the end of it and around a corner, where you wait to hear any signs of him following. Nothing. The only thing you hear is your own racing heart and the blood rushing through your body. You feel hot, shaky, and a little sweaty—your feet are sweating through your socks.

Your socks.

You forgot your fucking shoes in his room.

Groaning, you sink down to the floor and peel off your socks, freeing your overheated feet. You replay the event in your mind as you stare emptily at your toes, wiggling them all one by one. You just had to go and try to hug him—you couldn’t just be patient and wait for him to one day, just maybe, initiate it himself. At the very least, you could have been more careful. You think it might have been a nice hug otherwise. You can still feel the crisp fabric of his pants and the warmth he radiates; you can smell the light scent of smoke and cologne on his clothes. The button of his pants had been against your cheek, and you have no control against the intrusive thought of how the bulge in his pants had felt.

Smacking your cheeks with your palms, you shake your head, as though it would toss the thought out. You need to stop being a little creep and get your shoes. You have one pair of shoes, and you are not willing to walk barefoot anywhere in Pentagram City. The longer you leave them there, the more likely you are to abandon them entirely in hopes of never having a confrontation with Alastor. Well… maybe you could ask Charlie to get you a new pair of shoes? You groan at yourself; you’re already trying to get out of it.

You push yourself to your feet and dust off the skirt of your dress. You take quiet, slow steps towards his room. You can do this. Just don’t think about it. Did he like it? No, stop it. Did it excite him, like it excited you? Stop that! You’re wet—maybe from fear, maybe from arousal. Your hands are shaking as you reach for the doorknob. You contemplate whether it would be best to knock or simply crack the door open and grab your shoes without entering. Alastor is polite, though; you know he’d much rather you be decent and knock.

Heart racing, chest heaving with tiny and anxious breaths, you tap your knuckles against the door. It opens almost immediately.

“Yes, dearest? Have you calmed down now?”

You can’t bring yourself to look at his face; instead, you resort to looking at your bare feet. “I—um, I realized I forgot my shoes here,” you mumble, fidgeting with the hem of your dress.

He laughs at this—it makes you shiver, and you hope he doesn’t notice. “You were in quite the hurry,” he teases. “What scared you so badly, darling?”

You mean to simply snatch your shoes and flee, but the moment you cross the threshold, he’s closed the door behind you. Your heart is pounding, as though it thinks you’re sprinting down a hallway from a monster. But it’s just Alastor! He’s never harmed you, only kept you safe—and yet, you feel like you’re caught in a trap. You can feel the warmth of his body radiating from behind you; he’s close, and for once, you wish he’d be less comfortable with you in his personal space. Despite this, you can’t bring your dumb feet to move. You are caught like a deer in headlights.

“What’s wrong, pet?” He’s never called you that before. It’s new and exciting, even though you internally scold yourself for the warm feeling building up in the depths of your gut. “Why have you gone quiet? You’re not ignoring me, are you?”

His fingers ghost over your hair as he speaks, his hand finally coming to rest on your shoulder. It’s not as though you’re hiding your discomfort well, but that doesn’t stop him. Alastor’s left hand comes from behind you and cups your chin, slowly drawing you back until your spine touches his leg. You shut your eyes. You won’t look at him; it makes you feel at least a little less exposed, even if you know he can see the red in your face all the same.

“I don’t appreciate the silent treatment, dearest,” he warns, giving your cheeks a squeeze. “I guess I’ll have to find a way to snap you out of it.”

You’re lifted off of your feet; the sudden feeling of instability makes you open your eyes, even though you try to resist. Before you can register it, Alastor has dropped you on his bed—a bed that seems rarely used—and is now kneeling before you.

“You’ve been terribly rude, pet,” he chides, resting his hand on your knee. “First you get so close to me, then you run off and leave me wanting? Now you come back and refuse to say a word to me.” He clicks his tongue in disdain; its the feeling of his claws digging in to your skin that truly express his displeasure. You shift in place, but keep your mouth sealed. Your mind is blank, anyhow.

When his claws pierce your skin, you move out of reflex, jerking your leg away from his hand. Alastor’s grip is iron-clad and holds you in place so tightly that you can’t even move it a millimeter. Your skin feels hot and cold at the same time, and goosebumps are running up and down your arms. Your mind is getting hazy, to the point that your vision blurs as his other hand creeps up the skirt of your dress.

You try to control your breaths, try to look anywhere other than him. He’s relishing the sight of you as his fingers curl around the waistband of your frilly bloomers. He grips your hip harshly—you know it will leave a reminder in the form of a bruise later. His thumb lightly brushes over your clit, and your toes curl in response. It’s like he’s fascinated by the response your body has to it; he’s watching every twitch, shiver, and shake as he toys with you. Finally, a mewl escapes your lips. Something about the noise draws him out of whatever it is that he’s thinking, and he looks you in the eyes.

“I’m nothing if not a gentleman, darling,” he says, relaxing his grip on you. “So… yes or no?”

This is closer to the Alastor you’re familiar and comfortable with. He looks so calm and pleased that it’s like it’s just another day for him, one where he does not have his hand in your underwear and he’s just making you feel special by gracing you with a pat on your head. The familiarity is reassuring, and you’re such a sucker for how special he makes you feel, so surely there’s no harm in this…

“Yes,” you finally eke out.

Alastor’s grin widens; his thumb immediately resumes teasing you. His other hand strokes up and down your thigh, his claws tickling you and leaving red streaks in their wake. You moan again and are met with the reminder of his watchful gaze; unable to take the feeling of scrutiny anymore, you grab the lapel of his coat and tug on it.

You hear him chuckle and crack your eyes open again. He’s released you—for now—to shrug off his coat and set it aside.

“An eye for an eye, pet?”

He doesn’t give you a chance to agree to this suggestion; he pops open the buttons on the back of your dress in one quick motion. Your dress is pulled from your body, leaving you and your bloomers entirely exposed. You instinctively cover your chest with your forearm. This is hardly an eye for an eye—and you know, deep down, that he knows that and enjoys every bit of imbalance between you two. And you do, too, even if you don’t want to admit it.

His hands are on you again, this time running up and down your waist, back, thighs, and chest. He’s parting your legs and moving in between them, leaning down to press his lips to your throat. You whimper, now suffocated by the dizzying smell of tobacco. Alastor gives you a gentle peck, before his teeth graze your delicate skin and earn a moan from you. You instinctively bristle from the delightful pain, and he pushes your legs apart again.

“Relax, sha,” he murmurs against your neck. “Relax. Would I let you get hurt?”

Yes. He absolutely would. You know that, and you stuff it down. Who cares? Who cares if you get a little hurt? If he lets it happen? If he’s the one to do it, if he’s the one watching and enjoying it, that’s all that really matters.

So you relax for him and melt in to his touch, letting him guide you down to the soft bed. You don’t resist when your bloomers come off. You’re completely exposed to him, and he’s simply standing over you, grinning at the sight. The one sacrifice he does make is his gloves, shedding them to feel your skin in its full glory. His hands are much warmer without his gloves on; the feeling of them rubbing your legs is soothing.

“Alastor,” you mewl—for a moment, you realize just how pathetic and weak you sound, but decide that it’s fine to be pathetic and weak for him and slip back in to your haze. For every inch of fog clouding your mind, Alastor seems to gain a new degree of focus. You can’t tell exactly what it is he’s so focused on, so hungry for, but you enjoy it all the same.

“You sound so lovely when you say my name.” His voice sounds so different now—animalistic, growling. Your heart rate spikes again, but you’re not about to back out now, so you enjoy the adrenaline rush as you gaze up at the ceiling. You hear a shift of fabric, feel him moving between your legs as he looms over you. He slips one hand underneath you to feel the small of your back, and you finally realize what he’s about to—

“Ahh!” you hiss, curling your spine as you reflexively try to escape the source of the pain. You’re brought back to the reality of your situation for a brief moment; Alastor is over seven feet tall, you are definitely not, and he is definitely entirely proportionate for his height. It hurts, worse than anything you think you’ve felt before. You feel like you’re splitting open, despite how wet you are and the fact that he’s barely inside of you.

Alastor’s hands hold you in place by your hip and your arm. You can feel his own excitement and agitation from the tightness of his grip—so tight he’s trembling in the slightest—and the hint of sweat on his palms. “Behave, sha,” he orders through his teeth. He’s trying to suppress your squirming as much as possible, but you can still wriggle in his grip, and every movement of your hips sends a wave of pleasure through him. “Relax and behave.”

Your body is slowly adjusting to the pain, and his voice is bringing you back to that lovely, pleasurable haze. You force yourself to stay still and breathe through it.

“That’s it,” he murmurs with a sigh. “Good girl.” You shudder at the words, and he pushes himself further inside of you. You don’t struggle this time; you simply yelp in pain and squeeze your eyes shut to bear it. He releases your arm to grab you by your chin, forcing your head up. You open your eyes, your face contorted in pain; he’s smiling, of course. It’s a feral, sadistic smile, but it’s not quite the same one you’ve seen before he rips apart some idiot trying to wreck the hotel. This one is different, and you hope it’s one he’s reserved only for you. No matter how frightening it is, you’ll still delight in the honor.

You manage to relax a little more, having adjusted to the feeling of being torn in two. Alastor sighs at the feeling and once again pushes further inside of you. Every effort of yours to behave will be rewarded like this—with more pain, blood, and tears that prick your eyes. You had your chance to say no. You still could. But you don’t. You’re special. He wants you. And you want him—you want him to degrade you, too.

“It hurts, doesn’t it, sha?” he coos in a tone of faux concern. Still, you whimper and nod, curling your fingers in to the linens beneath you. “I know, pet, I know. It must hurt terribly.” Another inch inside of you, another swallowed scream.

“P-please,” you beg. You barely even realize the words are spilling out of your mouth. “I can’t—I can’t take it.”

“You can,” he assures, his hand moving down to your throat. No matter how much he wants to, he doesn’t squeeze. Not yet. He’ll save that for another time, another day. There’s nothing wrong with denying a bit of pleasure now to make it sweeter later. “You can and you will. I will make you.”

You try to scream when you feel the sensation of a burning, sharp pain pierce further inside of you, but he clamps his hand over your mouth.

“No,” he breathes. “You won’t make a sound unless you’re quiet about it. I am the only one who can hear you. This is just for me.”

You swallow back the scream; it feels like it’s still stuck in your chest, making it ache as it tries to beat its way out through your sternum. It’s too painful to breathe. Every single movement is painful. This is as far as he can go without really hurting you—without you truly breaking apart. You can smell blood. You feel like you can maybe taste it, too. The sight of it only spurs him on, and he pounds in to you without any concern for the pain it will cause you.

You can’t even scream; it’s too sudden. Once the waves of pain truly set in, you let out a weak cry and grab on to his arms in an effort to steady yourself. Spots of all colors are appearing in your vision as the sounds of the room—skin against skin, muffled groans that he’s trying to hold back, your own crying—get further and further away. Your grip on him loosens, and he notices.

“I can’t keep going if you’re sleeping, pet,” Alastor taunts, grabbing you by your chin and squeezing. When your pupils only dilate further, he takes a handful of your hair and pulls, giving your head a shake. That does it; you’re awake enough, for now. “There you are.”

You can’t escape the pain. You just have to live with it. Any time he sees you slipping out of consciousness, you’re awakened with a sharp jolt of pain. And now his movements are too fast, too harsh to even begin to pass out. Tears freely flow down your face at this point, as freely as the blood pooling beneath your thighs.

“A-Alastor,” you sob, one hand reaching up for him. “Please.”

The pathetic sight of you stupidly reaching for him is what sends him over the edge. His claws curl in to your skin, and blood drips on to the linens beneath you. He’s looming over you as you feel warmth replace the feeling of an icy knife in your belly, spilling out of you and on to your legs. His eyes are closed, he’s panting, and his brow is furrowed. You like the sight of it, but you can’t fully enjoy it when he’s still causing you so much pain.

Finally, his eyes open, and he pulls away from you without warning, sending another ripple of pain through you. You’re throbbing. You feel like you’ve been impaled and suffocated. You definitely did not cum. And yet, when the look on his face softens, the pain lessens. He’s back to the gentleman you know and adore.

“Oh dear,” he sighs, resting his cheek against his hand—a hand covered in your blood. “Let’s get you cleaned up, shall we?”

As he helps you bathe and feeds you a potion to help heal some of your wounds, you let that haze settle in permanently in a part of your brain. As long as he makes you feel special, as long as he calls you sweetheart and pet and sha, you’ll take whatever pain he throws at you.

#dead dove #dead dove do not eat #dark fic #yandere!alastor x reader #mdni #miasmal writes #size difference

[genericpuff]

vent post

#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once” #i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO #anxiety is a hell of a thing #and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever #i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up #and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken #but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship #i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it #i am cringe and i am free #self post #vent post #altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read #too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll #i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made #i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol #i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim #i think both things can be true #i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like #while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium #“perfectly balanced as all things should be”

[skunkes]

another thing i love about dungeon meshi along with how theres adequate time given to every character that matters! Is that like. Along with no "every single character in supporting cast gets put on the backburner in favor of MC / other character development" is that theres also no "god these characters are all so boring except that one guy who is tragic and compelling" bc they all have the same capacity for compelling tragedy (and such).

And it also doesn't feel like when ppl tack on as much Bad Things onto a characters life just to emphasize tragedy or hardship... Theres a good balance in each of em. The recent leaked izutsumi dark lore implication drop wasn't even in the main story and it doesnt feel like that quirky "i love torturing my ocs! 🤪🤪🤪🤪 (Literally just throwing everything into one pot)" sentiment i see here often if that makes sense. It doesn't feel Edgy ykwim

#i cld never do this. fully balancing individual characters alone is hard enough #but padding out individual characters with hardships that can sometimes parallel each other #or make you have to Think about it further in a show not tell way #WITHOUT also making you roll your eyes because of how edgy it is but instead giving enough for adequate enjoyment #regardless of which character u fixate on. is really good #that was my point ykwim. im here fixated on thistles tragedy because well. but its not bc he's my only option #i guess thats also the wonder of it like I can really only write from what I know (or experience thru others experiences) #so having a variety of characters #that draw in intrigue from different people in the same cast is so #i hope that makes sense? #OH WAIT MY TAGS CUT OFF #its so amazing like theres smthng there for everyone #talkys

[moregraceful]

friendship...good

#me texting jasbah: i need to talk to someone in real life who is not actively trying to destroy my will to live can i see you #jasbah: i am free THIS WEEK #and my other friend asked if i had monday off and wanted to go to the giants game and i was like YES get me AWAY from email #i NEED to sit in the sun and eat ice cream and explain my passions (why blake sabol is my only sunshine) #i love my jobs i love being a librarian and working in a nonprofit but both are service-oriented and ask so much of me #often i come home and i'm like i need to be insane around someone who loves me normal & isn't holding me to a standard of behavior #who isn't going to judge me if i act silly and immature or say something asinine on purpose or casually cruel on accident #there is so much joy and life in both my lines of work but the standard of behavior is extremely high and extremely draining #and sometimes you just need to sit in your friends dining room eating fried rice and listen to her explain the latest mxtx insanity #or sit in a ballpark and give a dissertation to an attentive audience on why the giants should give blake sabol aaron judge money #you know??? balance it out. you can do good for people but you also have to be silly with friends. it's vital #fresno oilers.txt

[arihi]

Holding an ambient dread in me today. There’s always the scramble to try and figure out what’s causing it for me, especially because I’ve got no internal monologue and I often have to talk out loud and in depth into every little thing that’s happened just to figure out why my feelings are the way they are.

Admittedly I can think of a few things, but they’re not particularly important in the long run. My tendency is to figure out why as if it’ll solve it, or so I can intellectualize the feelings away, but emotions are so rarely cut-and-clean addressed like that. Having been so preoccupied with my past in the past, or dreading the future, it’s grounding to settle down and have moments of silence in the present. I’m on the couch typing this on my phone, the sunset is shining down on my face, whereas usually I’d hate it I’m just letting myself sit in it. Once I’ve figured out a few potential causes, it’s not that important to dive deeper and think myself into anxiety spirals. It’s okay to have an idea of it, and not rationalize away how you’re feeling. It’s okay to feel off, sometimes.

#introspection #it me #I think my main thing at least today is holding very little good will for others #I’m struck by how selfish and ignorant and outright malicious people can be #but it’s not as if I’m any arbiter of people’s behavior no? #on the one hand acknowledge how people are flawed and morally complicated in their actions #on the other hand acknowledge that I myself am also only human and that I don’t owe any grace or forgiveness to others either #and acknowledge that I extend a level of empathy to others that isn’t always warranted or fair #(what is fairness anyway?? lolol big question for another day) #basically yeah people are complicated and you’re not an impartial judge #but also you’re not supposed to be. You’re just an individual and you’re allowed to hold bad opinions of people #I say a lot but the best thing you can do for yourself is let go of the idea of universal fairness/standard of good as judged by others #and let yourself also be complicated and flawed and extend even a fraction of the empathy you grant others for yourself #I’m also very aware that my avoidant tendencies latch onto any perceived flaw in a person to justify my distance and that’s me personally #so it’s a balancing act of how much good will do I extend this person to make up for what I know is a flawed tendency in myself #and also knowing when to let it go and let myself justifiably dislike somebody #ANYWAY it’s not just people hating I also miss home and some other personal stuff has been on my mind #but it’s easier to vent this out in the notes as introspection as there’s an easier internal discussion to have on this #as opposed to more touchy and hard to broach topics like culture and intersectionality #and the flaw of communities whose individualistic tendencies make them festering pits more than any community outreach they attempt to be #the sun has set by now as I’ve word vomited in the tags #and I do feel better for it all

[bigkpopstan]

could you do enha reaction to their s/o coming out as transmasc?

enha reacting to their s/o coming out as transmasc

genre: fluff, the maknaes are included.

includes; other than the obvious some binding talk. overall really soft but I think that’s it. not straight enha again. as always tell me if I’m missing something<3

->heeseung;

hee definitely seems the type to be the calm one in the situation, the one that would sit down listening to you with his full attention. he’d pull you into a hug after you told him, his hand on the back of your head, telling you that it was okay. he’d be proud of you and feel very ? comforted by the fact that you trusted him enough to tell him. I think he’d also be the type to give you a small kiss on your head during the hug too. I feel like this would open up your relationship a lot, he acknowledges how nerve racking you telling him was for you so whenever he gets nervous to tell you anything he remembers what you must have felt like and how relieved you were; he’d tell you everything even if he thought it wouldn’t matter to you. heeseung isn’t one of the “fashionistas” of the group but he’d definitely help style your outfits and omg usually I see jay as this type but he’d match his outfits with yours.

->jay;

jay seems like the type to buy his partner flowers, so after you came out he’d ask if you still want him to. I think we all acknowledge that boys(or masc people) can want flowers but he wanted to make sure you were still okay with it. it’d be so obvious how hard he’s trying, he’d take you shopping or let you raid his closet whenever you wanted. you wear his clothes much more often now and he absolutely adores it, one day he walked in on your pulling one of his shirts over your head, walking up behind you wrapping his arms around you telling you how good you look. encourages you if you haven’t cut your hair yet and you want to. omg jay styling your hair after you cut it 🥲. or making sure you’re binding safely, will literally keep track of how long you’ve been wearing any short of binding material to make sure you take a breather/break from it, if you choose to bind of course.

->jake;

jake…I think Jake would need time to adjust to it, he’s not uncomfortable it’s just new and he slips up before apologizing. In the middle of kisses he’d compliment you in the way you like most whether to get used to it himself or to just make you feel good. no but he seems like he’d be terrified when you sat him down with a “I need to talk to you Jake.” It sounded so serious that he was terrified you were breaking up with him but when it processes what you said and how worried you looked he’d immediately soften up, pulling you into a hug. He’d be honest and say it would take time for him to adjust but would ask you about any/all changes you wanted and what you would prefer. I feel like seeing you in his clothes would feel a little different after that but in a good way! like on top of you wearing his clothes it makes you feel masc + smells like your boyfriend so he just adores knowing that you probably feel great. ngl he’d adore the way you change after, the way you’re more comfortable/possibly confident with yourself.

->sunghoon;

honestly, I don’t think your confession/honesty would change much of anything for sunghoon if anything. this one might be self indulgent fair warning. it would only change what it would have to in the relationship, sunghoon after you told him would question you about what you wanted to change and how he could help do that. if you wanted to be called his boyfriend? done. you wanted to change your pronouns? okay. I don’t think this has much relevance but he’d love to share his perfume/cologne with you. one of the protective ones I feel, he’d always have his arms around you around people you weren’t out to, he wouldn’t out you to them but he wouldn’t hide it? he’d use the right pronouns or danced around them bc you deserve to come out to them when you’re ready!! but hearing them misgender his partner or not being upfront about the stuff you prefer that he’d also prefer using for you would hurt him. I feel the the guys would side-eye him that he’s suddenly being so overprotective of you all of a sudden, they walk in the room and suddenly his arms are around you with his head on yours if you’re shorter, giving them the side eye.

->sunoo;

Sunoo is another member as well as the other two maknaes where I don’t think it’d change much for him. he likes you for who you are as a person and the way you present or identify doesn’t change his feelings for you. he’d be confused when you sit him down all serious and then tell him, he’d be like “that’s all? oh, thank you for telling me I’m glad you feel that comfortable with me. That must’ve been scary to admit. Do you wanna cuddle and watch a movie now?” And in the middle of the movie he’d look at you and ask about your preferences, he wanted to give you time to calm down so you can talk to him about it comfortably knowing that it didn’t change much about your dynamic.

->jungwon;

almost exactly the same as sunoo, except he’d be oddly quiet…bc it doesn’t change anything for him either, you’re still the person he loves. he’d hum and nod when you explain to him and he’d ask questions but that would be all really so I think it’d be confusing to you on the way he reacts. Like a “how…how do you feel about it?” But jungwon would realize that he seemed a little-off he’d gasp and be like “oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was so quiet. i still love you, I don’t plan on breaking up with you just bc you’re doing something that makes you feel more comfortable.” also would like to style your hair after you cut it if you chose to but if not he’d still style it but…he’s not the best at it so it will just turn into a lot of giggling from jungwon knowing he’s doing a bad job</3

->riki;

riki. I feel like all the maknaes answers are very similar so I feel bad to keep the trend but I think niki would’ve been the one person that suspected it, and when you sat him down to tell him he’d just nod and mention that he had a feeling there was something you weren’t telling him. you had cut your hair, the way you’d style your clothes lately to look more loose on top especially when you stole his own shirts. I think he’d try to drop hints that he knew by talking about the community or complimenting tiktokers/famous people to ease you out of the closet. he’d do the “they’re very attractive” or complimenting other men, just as a way to hint even possibly at his own lack of preference as a way to put it. despite being a playful kid I think he can be serious/mature when it’s needed. he’d be very…giddy when you told him bc again, he had a feeling but he’d be excited for you to finally be who you are and are comfortable, I think it’d bring you guys a lot closer together. like overall I think you coming out would make him more comfortable in return? like you’re more comfortable with yourself and that makes him more comfortable bc you’re happier? if that makes sense?

#i think in niki’s I was just dancing around saying that if niki weren’t straight he’d have a preference for masc people #or even…I say often that I think niki has really feminine energy #which if you’re spiritual you know that has nothing to do with gender or identity anyone could have masc/feminine energy #usually we all have our own balance of both and niki to me just seems to have a feminine energy lean #so I think he’d have a thing for people who are/present more masculine #like someone to balance out his energy?? you know #but that’s also…transmasc people can be very feminine and that doesn’t change their identity #on to the next topic of Sunghoon’s portion #that was very very self indulgent and things that I have personally thought #in some fantasy/scenario of hoon<3 #which I think his is worded funny but essentially #it was like sunghoon himself knows it doesn’t feel good for you #to be referred to certain ways so he gets very clingy/protective around people who don’t know #bc he just…idk sunghoon just seems protective <3 #there’s something about an added vulnerability/comfortability would make him more protective

[alewyren]

question: how do you guys personally balance “writing experiences that aren’t your own sensitively” versus “writing to appease the critic who will take everything in bad faith”?

This is something I’ve struggled quite a bit with as someone who likes bold/risky narratives but also spent her formative teenage years on tumblr. And also as someone who does want to be progressive and sensitive, but has seen firsthand “listen to people of X group unconditionally when they tell you something isn’t okay” used as essentially an excuse to trash bathrooms, if not an outright emotional manipulation tool.

#la #my current oc project has some narratives that are essential to the thematic structure but uh #let’s just say flirt with some negative stereotypes in a way i genuinely think is subversive and interesting #but certainly SOME people wouldn’t agree because. thats just how people are #and i do not know how to balance sensitivity with essentially ‘appeasing the inner anti’ #much less seeking out any random person of those groups to be a sensitivity reader #as if any one person can be an arbiter for what is and isn’t okay #i do think my angle would do more good than harm but frankly i think thats hard to quantify #ie: i do not think kanji p4 is good queer rep. i also think he did more good than harm. #honestly the ‘representation’ framework of diversity isn’t perfect but i’m not gonna be like I HAVE TRANSCENDED THE WOKE/UNWOKE DICHOTOMY #THEREFORE EVERYTHING I DO IS OKAY. because that isn’t it either #i just don’t know what is a healthy level of wanting to be sensitive vs sanding off the edges of any risky ideas you have

[pastelsailorr]

Having a job with ACTUAL boundaries was such a change for me

Like my last job I thought it was good and you just worked your ass off and did not call off ever. Managers absolutely took advantage of that when I was growing up (14-23) and actually tried to guilt trip me when I did call off for the first time ever at 23 and that really put it into clarity for me

I call off at my current job and it's a 10 second phone call like "ok see ya later bye I gotta get back to work" and then I'm home free all day like ??? I can leave early my managers respect me and do everything they can to make sure I can succeed at my job because only 3 people me included know how to do my job. Yeah I'm still replaceable, and I'm still working on not busting my ass into a meltdown during my shift from working too hard with no consideration for my actual physical needs

But they are still going to try to make sure I can achieve that and make sure the place runs smooth and still make sure there are boundaries in place is great it's a new level of respect I haven't truly experienced at a job before

#listen i know there are a million posts saying not to be friends with your boss they dont care about you etc #but like thats literally not always the case #it DOES depend on where you work and how good of people your management is #its ok to have a hard ass boss as long as they can balance it out with genuine compassion and understanding #its not black and white but also respect your own work life balance aim for 4 days a week if you can financially afford to #im literally rambling but i genuinely respect my bosses and the care and support they give not just me but others #as my boss tells me frequently #you do you boo

[bookwyrminspiration]

quil. how much art did you have in your drafts.

there's actually still two left, but those are empires pieces and I'm not active in empiresblr so they can sit a little longer.

But! I like to leave long tags on everything I reblog (because I love reading tags, so I want to give that experience to the op) and I don't always have the time/energy to do that when I see cool art, so I just stockpile it in my drafts to be tagged and compliment and unleashed on the world when I do have the time/energy!

I don't reblog nearly as much art as I'd like to, so this is a newer method that I'm trying out :). We'll see if it's up to my standards!

#quil's queries #camelspit #also it was only 7 pieces! not too bad! #also I know i could do empty reblogs. this is just how I choose to do it #because I really like to compliment people. but doing so means I can't compliment as many people because it takes more time #hang on i'm getting distracted trying to justify fewer reblogs because I leave tags #*looking in a mirror* quil do you feel guilty about not being able to support everyone in the world and like you need to justify #how you've chosen to support them according to your capabilities and preferences? #and are you trying to make up for the feeling that you're not using your popularity and online presence properly? #and are benefiting from the exposure of having a bigger blog yourself without giving #enough of that back to the very community and platform that support you? and using your presence to bring attention to #and support others? #quil cut that out you're not required to give all of yourself and are doing what you can. there's always room for improvement #but you are trying and making the effort to improve and support people and share their work and efforts #and you have other responsibilities too. so maybe you could compliment and reblog a lot more. but you're human #and you have to balance. stop feeling guilty #okay cool we're good ignore the talking to myself in the third person to therapy through an unexpected bout of guilt #everything's fine now #anyway! yeah I had some art stored for when I had the mind to compliment and share them :)

[noxtivagus]

evening has come again huh

#🌙.vent #i'm really sorry for the vents lately but i need a way to let it out. & this. this is as far as i can go with that #i need to do better again i know i can i have to :') people waiting for me. others n me.... #last night i downloaded a game for my friend. for her. & then another friend i told her i'll reply before the day ends :< 'take your time' #she said but sob she opened up abt smth n i wna help i really do & fuck it just hurts too bcs i know the ppl around me are. struggling too #i try not to put others b4 myself if i'm struggling like rn but :< i hate the helplessness. wish i cld do smth more for you #i wish i could at least be enough to help them. for you for you whoever you are i would always be willing to make these sacrifices #i'm gna cry it's been so overwhelming lately bcs i'm filled with so much hope and despair simultaneously #what do i do? which do i choose? how do i decide? how am i supposed to do. enough. find a balance #n then other friends i haven't gotten to replying yet today bcs oh i'm too worn down right now n i hate it so much i'm sorry #& other than all the stuff i want to do for myself and for others there's also things like school n #it hurts you know? i'm very much aware i've been worrying my family lately. i can't. sleep properly. i can't bring myself to finish eating #:< n then it also gets overwhelming when i. look to better things. bcs it gen makes me v happy when. idk i feel inspired or creative or wtv #but it hurts when it's also simultaneously so overwhelming bcs it's so hard to do something with it #& thinking of good memories. how fleeting those moments were. how times have changed. but also of. of how more may come #but maybe. maybe only if i'm better. if i'm not this hollow husk of my usual self? fuck i know i'm too harsh on myself. unnecessary pressur #i'm more than it i know. but at times it's just so hard to feel better when i'm. 🥹 i really really don't want to be a disappointment. #for others n. for myself.... bcs i know as always in the future. wtf the fuck happens then. i do know that parts of me will never change. #wnvr i look into my past i'll always know that i deserved being more kind to myself. bcs i'm human too. #this empty feeling of being stuck somewhere being hope n my despair hurts v much bcs it's so contradicting & overwhelming #n i wish in these moments i cld be enough for my future self. n for those around me #i wish i was better at communicating! tell everyone i know how much i appreciate them! how much i wish they'd stay in my life #i wish i cld really just say but i'm afraid that my honesty might scare you away. so instead i hide. you probably don't feel the same nyway #crying it hurts i think past experiences have made me too used to people leaving. but i can't be vulnerable enough to be #soft enough to the extent of being so honest. i've been hurt before when i was kind n younger n naive sure but oh so innocent #struggling sad n it was so bad then that i. oh i remember how it hurt.... i refuse to let myself go through that extent of loneliness again #i wish though that. i could. revive my mind. my motivation my inspo my creativity hasn't exactly dulled but it's become more passive #am i afraid that if i really be myself then i'll be alone again? if i'm weird if i'm too honest n soft n. i don't know. #it hurts feeling like i'm stuck with being too little n too much at the same time. how do i. just be. enough. for you. for me. #it hurts i'm crying i'm sorry i'm so sorry fuck i'm so overwhelmed n lost i don't want to think right now it feels so empty n i'm tired

[hugintheraven]

How Bethesda fixed Vampires without realizing it

So there's a LOT of takes on vampires across media, and most of them are radically different from each other. The Elder Scrolls series has an interesting version that I haven't seen anywhere else, that incidentally fixes a bunch of lore issues with vampires, and yet Bethesda hasn't ever really leaned into any of that.

So, the issue with vampires in large RPGs like Elder Scrolls games, D&D, etc, is that a world where various elements of character building are supposed to be balanced, vampires are heavy on the upside and light on meaningful drawbacks. So in Oblivion, Bethesda completely reworked their vampires, coming at it with a blank slate:

Vampirism is a 4-stage affliction, with each stage increasing the numerous benefits of being a vampire as well as the middling drawbacks. Stage 4 brings with it all humanoid NPCs recognizing you as a ravenous monster and attacking you, basically wrecking the game. And, this is the unique part, you reduce stages by drinking blood. Being a vampire is LESSENED by doing the most vampiric thing out there, it actively makes you weaker.

And this is great. From a gameplay perspective, you vanish below ground to kill zombies/robots/whatever, and you grow stronger as the dungeon goes on. But if you don't rush through it, or if it's large, you surface having ignored your hunger for several days and have to do a whole second quest to sneak into town at night and drink blood, where the only reward is to engage with the game again. It's a drawback in the gameplay sense rather than the stats sense. And it lets game designers throw the player against weak vampires in town early on, and face dungeons full of max-bloodlust monsters later once the player knows how things work.

Meanwhile, from a lore perspective this is also great. Suddenly, it's not that vampires have to be evil, it's that they have a choice. A good person who flees their family to hide in a cave is going to starve, turning into a ravenous, uncontrolled, extremely strong monster. Someone who's comfortable sneaking around town drinking blood, meanwhile? They never lose control. They walk in the sun. They're perfectly human. Or as human as anyone can be while the blood of their neighbors flows in their veins.

And Bethesda doesn't DO ANYTHING with this. People you talk to in-game just treat it as "all vampires are evil, why would you expect anything else", when they've created a world where vampire morality is so much more interesting. The few vampires who exist in civilization that you're not supposed to kill don't really discuss their condition at all. And there's plenty of evil vampires choosing to live in caves running societies of vampires, when that makes no sense compared to basically any other way of life they could set up.

Bethesda games are a masterful disaster, in this as in everything else.

#The Elder Scrolls #Oblivion #Skyrim #Vampires

[soyoursoulisgreen]

5, 11, and 30 for the artist ask meme!

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

It's increased over time! Well, actually, it's been a bell curve, kind of. Maybe more like a roller coaster lol. Obviously before I was online I wasn't sharing any of the stuff I drew; I drew for about seven years before posting anything - casually, for my own entertainment - and then for a while I was posting almost everything in some form or another; if I didn't post the original doodle, it was because I cleaned it digitally! But I got pretty burnt out on that haha - it does still come and go in cycles lol. Nowadays I probably keep back about 30% of what I draw? Although it can be hard to quantify - if you upload to an audience of zero, is it actually online? Haha ♪ Or an audience of one! Just because it's shared using the internet as a middle man, does that count as "posting"? :0 I don't know! I think it's an interesting question tho!

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

Yes! It really depends on what I'm drawing; my go-tos are always Reddit story readings since I don't have to think too hard about picking one, they last a while, and they keep my auditory brain occupied while my hands and eyes are busy. For a couple days of Requestober, especially the Portal/Stanley Parable days but also the song prompt, I was listening to themed stuff - GLaDOS lines, Narrator lines, the aforementioned song haha. I hate having to stop to pick the next thing! It makes editing my footage harder and throws off my flow :P

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

A lot of my Law Abiding Citizen stuff probably - LAC is such a good series!! I wish more people would see it/were still into it. We're few, and I was late to party, but my love still burns! If I had to pick just one thing tho, I think it'd have to go to one of my Just Desserts comics - I cried while drawing it initially, and I still think Charm's transition from her smiling-crying face to her angry-crying face is so well done ♥

#Woah an original post #Ask #Ask me #Thank you! :D I had to think about these! Especially the first and last one! #I've been trying to find a good balance of drawing for myself/allowing myself space to mess up while also being proud of things #It can actually be hard to thread that needle lol - sometimes I'm like ''Well it's alright :/ But this bit is good! But out of context....' #It can be hard to be judicious! I really do want to show off a lot of it but I also want to leave room for myself! #I've been working on an all behind-the-scenes project over the course of October :3c #I'm almost ready to start compiling it! I'm buying myself a bit more time haha ♪ #And of the audience of none thing - that behind the scenes project? Technically it's online right now - but on my Patreon lol #Tree falls in a forest and all that haha - it's a secret for as long as anyone else dictates! It's interesting :3 #Plus there's also the thing of showing your online friends but not the wider public - where's the line? #How many people have to have seen something for it to count as being ''posted online''? #Even still - I always draw for myself haha ♪ I just also happen to share a lot lol but that's kind of a side effect of being pleased pfft #I have gotten so dry on things to listen to haaaghhh - I know I have a bajillion podcasts at my disposal but my brain is so pickyyyy #It has to be low-stress and not a bummer but interesting but not Too interesting that it becomes Inspiring- pfbtl >:P #I'm actually listening to something right now as well lol - I listen to music when I write and stories when I draw :D #I can't get 'em mixed - brain is picky lol (But really it's because it engages different parts of my brain that need attention) #It was also hard to answer the last one since I still kinda consider myself a fairly small artist haha - I like a lot of my art! #Even my old stuff :D Sometimes even especially my old stuff! #What counts as underrated when a lot of my stuff trends towards being on the quiet side? :0 #That said I've been absolutely delighted by the Property of Hate and Portal turnout ahh <3 <3 Makes me happy to see them being enjoyed!! #Anyway sorry for going so long apparently I had Thoughts™ lol

[scientia-rex]

A lot of younger people have no idea what aging actually looks and feels like, and the reasons behind it. That ignorance is so dangerous. If you don’t want to “be old,” you aren’t talking about a number of years. I have patients in their late 80s who could still handily beat me in a race—one couple still runs marathons together, in their late 80s—and I lost someone who was in her early 60s to COPD last year. What you want is not youth, it is health.

If you want to still be able to enjoy doing things in your 60s and 70s and 80s and even 90s, what you want to do, right now, is quit smoking, get some activity on a regular basis (a couple of walks a week is WAY better for you than nothing; increasing from 1 hour a day of cardio to 1.5 will buy you very little), and eat some plants. That’s it. No magic to it. No secret weird tricks. Don’t poison yourself, move around so your body doesn’t forget how, and eat plants.

If you have trouble moving around now because of mobility limitations, bad news: you still need to move around, not because it’s immoral not to, but because that’s still the best advice we have. I highly recommend looking up the Sit and Be Fit series; it is freely available and has exercises that can be done in a chair, which are suitable for people with limited mobility or poor balance. POTS sufferers, I’m looking at you.

If you have trouble eating plants because of dietary issues (they cause gas, etc.) or just because they’re bitter (super taster with texture issues here!), bad news. You still want to find a way to get some plants into your body on a regular basis. I know. It sucks. The only way I can do it is restaurants—they can make salads taste like food. I can also tolerate some bagged salads. On bad weeks, the OCD with contamination focus gets so bad I just can’t. However, canned beans always seem “safe,” and they taste a bit like candy, so they’re a good fallback.

If you smoke and you have tried quitting a million times and you’re just not ready to, bad news. You still need to quit. Your body needs you to try and keep trying. Your brain needs it, too. Damaging small blood vessels racks up cumulative damage over time that your body can start trying to reverse as soon as you quit. I know it’s insanely, absurdly addictive. You still need to.

You cannot rules lawyer your way past your body’s basic needs. It needs food, sleep, activity, and the absence of poison. Those are both small things and big asks. You cannot sustain a routine based on punishment, so don’t punish your body. Find ways to include these things that are enjoyable and rewarding instead. Experiment. There is no reason not to experiment—you don’t have to know instantly what’s going to work for you and what won’t, you just need to be willing to try things and make changes when things aren’t working for you.

You will still age. Your body will stop making collagen and elastin. Tissues you can see and tissues you can’t see will both sag. Cushioning tissues under your skin will get thinner. You’ll bruise more easily. Skin will tear more easily. Accumulated sun damage will start to show more and more. Joints will begin to show arthritis. Tendons and ligaments will get weaker and get injured more easily, as will muscles. Bones will lose mass and get easier to break. You’ll get tired more easily.

But you know what makes the difference between being dead, or as good as, in your 60s vs your 90s? Activity, plants, and quitting smoking. And don’t do meth. Saw a 58-year-old guy this week who is going to have a heart attack if he doesn’t quit whatever stimulant he’s on. I pretended to believe it was just the cigarettes, and maybe it is, but meth and cocaine will kill you quicker. Stop poisoning yourself.

Baby steps; take it one step at a time; you don’t need to have everything figured out right now. But you do need to be working on figuring things out.

#the attending dr. kristophine

[mossy-rock-in-a-field]

Several weeks ago, my retirement-age mother requested that I play Baldur’s Gate 3 for her because she has trouble with controllers/keyboards and wanted “to see what all the fuss is about with that cute wizard boy.” For context, my mother and I have done this sort of thing in the past with certain RPGs (dragon age, mass effect, etc.), but it’s been a few years since she’s personally requested a game like this. Basically, I control her Tav but let her make all the choices so she can determine how the story plays out without worrying about mechanics. She treats it like a choose-your-own-adventure book.

Anyway, here is a list of some of the things my mother has said and/or chosen to do throughout the course of BG3 in no particular order:

She is (obviously) romancing Gale. She is quite smitten with him and his passion for books and learning; she also thinks he’s polite and qualifies as “relationship material.” She also REALLY likes the things he’s said about his cat so far (my mom is a cat lady), so I know she’s gonna flip shit when we meet Tara in Act III.

She’s playing a normal druid Tav with a generally good alignment. Her favorite spell is Spike Growth because she thinks it’s hilarious whenever enemies walk into the AOE and die. I usually end up having to cast it at least once per battle per her request. Sometimes twice.

Contrary to her alignment, my mother tasks me with robbing every single chest, crate, barrel, and burlap sack we come across; this also includes people and their pockets. The party is always at max carrying capacity. ALWAYS. She doesn’t like selling things because “what if I need them.” The camp stash is in literal shambles. There is no hope of organizing it. She’s got like fifty seven sets of rags and a billion pieces of random silverware.

She MUST talk to every animal and corpse in the game. I think five hours of her total playtime so far (47ish) has been spent speaking to animals as many times as humanly possible. Like, I was thorough in my own playthroughs, but this is on a whole other level.

She did NOT get Volo’s lobotomy, but she did let Auntie Ethel take her eye in hopes of a cure for the tadpole. I did not understand the logic then. I still do not understand it now.

She is far more interested in fashion than equipment stats. Do you have any idea how much gold I’ve had to spend on dyes just to make things match? SO much. Same vibe as that “please someone help me balance my finances my family is starving” tweet but instead of candles it’s thirty thousand fucking bottles of black and furnace red dye.

We broke the prisoners out of Moonrise, but they got on the boat too early and bugged the fight by leaving Astarion and Karlach behind. Wulbren Bongle somehow got stuck in combat mode even after engaging the cutscene on the docks below Last Light; he he kept trying to run ALL THE WAY BACK TO MOONRISE nine fucking meters at a time while I frantically tried to finish the fight with the Warden, otherwise Wulbren would have run straight into the shadow curse. (I would’ve let him go; fuck Wulbren Bongle, all my homies hate Wulbren Bongle. But my mom didn’t know that, and she wanted to keep him safe. So.)

She had me reload a save like eighteen times to save the giant eagles on top of Rosymorn Monastery. Wouldn’t even let me do non-lethal damage just to get past things. I think getting that warhammer for the dawnmaster puzzle took us like an hour and a half alone. (Yes, I know you can use any warhammer, but SHE didn’t.)

She’s started keeping an irl notebook to keep track of her quests between play sessions. She writes down ideas and strategies when she thinks of them during the week, then brings them to her next game session at my house. I think she wrote about three pages on possible approaches to the goblin fortress alone.

She insists that I pet Scratch and the owlbear cub before every single long rest, no exceptions. Sometimes I have to do it multiple times until she is absolutely sure that the animals know exactly how much she loves and cherishes them. She has also commissioned a crocheted owlbear plush from a friend of hers and is very excited.

I’m sure there’s a bunch of stuff I’m forgetting, but those are some fun things I thought of. She’s enjoying the game and is telling all of her retired friends to get it and play it for themselves. She asked me “what is Discord” yesterday and I think my life flashed before my eyes.

anyway shout out to my mom for being neat

Part 2 — Part 3 — Part 4 — Part 5

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #gale #gale of waterdeep #astarion #gale dekarios #laq talks #I talk #she stares at me real hard after she makes a choice too #like squinting to see if my expression gives anything away #if it was a good or bad call #I keep my face blank as shit it’s hilarious #I have not told her I’m writing fanfic for this game #nor will I ever #jesus christ