#yuri knew they’d get drunk and get naked

[blended-ice]

It’s his birthday you guys

#viktuuri aren’t there because yuri blacklisted them on the birthday party invitation list #yuri knew they’d get drunk and get naked #he didn’t want to traumatize potya with that image #viktuuri are probably off crying about it somewhere #they still made yuri a birthday card though #yuri deserves a birthday where he can vibe and chill with people that make him relaxed and happy #viktuuri make him happy but also simultaneously make him bloodthirsty #they do not have a calming presence #yuri plisetsky #yuri on ice #yoi #peas n guac #fanart #id in alt text #otabek altin #nikolai plisetsky #potya #puma tiger scorpion #hbd to the angy boy #I made this fast once I realized the date so if you see any mistakes #no u didn’t

[voxane]

21 - “I wish I didn’t have these feelings, but I do.”

I REALLY WANTED TO DO SOMETHING SURPRISING FOR YOU, but I was so stuck so I pulled out an old idea I still need to properly flesh out sometime.

Yuri could feel the way JJ looked at him, laser hot beams that would roll down his back and rest on his ass. He knew it. The first time he felt the shiver in his bones, it was difficult not to react with venom. To open whatever insult he had pre-filed in his mind. The toothy grin he always got back just made his blood boil hotter. Otabek told him not to let Jean-Jacques get to him. He insisted Yuri over reacted, and it falling right into his trap. Once Yuri realized far too late in the game that JJ fought with eyes, Yuri learned to weaponize his body. Come Skate Canada, it was fucking war.

Yuri wished he could’ve seen the dumb slack jawed face JJ had when he DM’d him insisting to stay it his apartment. Yuri used the excuse that it was JJ’s douchey house tour snaps that hooked him - that if he was going to show off a jacuzzi there was no way Yuri was going to spend the money on a hotel. Finally coming around on the King, are you princess??

JJ used way too many emojis for a grown ass man.You fucking wish.

Yuri hoped he had that awful fucking smirk full of teeth. He couldn’t wait to watch him fall. –

Everything was going so well. Isabella was out of town - school or some shit? Yuri didn’t care. JJ was obnoxious as ever dropping princess, sweetness, darling like punctuation. He got out sparkling water because the asshole doesn’t drink the day before a competition (lame), and Yuri excused himself to the bathroom to change. He knew JJ didn’t expect panties in his luggage. He tore through all the girly shit he bought, a culmination of residual knowledge from Mila never shutting up. The satin underwear didn’t look as good as he thought. It was lumpy, and his balls kept on falling out. Yuri frantically tried to shove all of him in there the best he could, until he got too frustrated and gave up settling on ‘good enough’. The stockings and sheer robe were much easier to slid into, ,like he was doing it for years. Lumpy balls aside - Yuri looked fucking food. Pretty in pink just like all that princess crap JJ loved. It was perfect. The best part was the heels he snagged. Not quite his size, but they’d do for now. He tried not to sound like a drunk clydesdale maneuvering himself down the hallway. He used his free hand to gently run along the wall for balance as he fussed with his phone. He needed the right entrance music  to tie the ends of the spiders web he wove into a neat little bow. He’d have JJ trapped, helpless and humiliated by the end. He couldn’t help but grin with all his teeth the moment he hit play and sauntered back into JJ’s living room.

Veux-tu vraiment une réponse?

Je ne sais pas sur quel ton

Je dois te dire que t’es chou

Mais pas mon style de garçon

Et pourtant mince je savais

Que quand tu m’as accostée

Je n’allais pas satisfaire

Ton envie de me baiser

Yuri kept his eyes half lidded, and his strides long. He couldn’t look JJ quite in the eye, but he got little bits and pieces of his expression. He was absolute thunderstruck.Perfect.

Tu es beau

Mais qu’est ce que t’es laid

Ton sourire faux

Se lit sur tes lèvres

Je vois bien

Que tu es mal à l’aise

Tu n’es pas sûr de ta position

Mal assis sur ta chaise

Yuri felt his ankle buckle as he stepped a little too far toward, getting caught on the dumb fuzzy trim of the robe. He almost felt stupid until he felt a warm arm on his side, and a set of concerned eyes covering him like a blanket. Of course JJ would save his princess, Yuri wished he thought of that move. He used JJ’s arm as leverage to crawl onto his lap. He shrugged his robe of his shoulders - all but naked except for the strip of satin barely concealing his half hard cock. “Like what you see, Jeh-Jeh.” Yuri drawled out his voice in those low tones that ladies used in movies, it was a little awkward in his mouth but he was sure it was enough to keep JJ’s attention. “Yuri,” JJ was breathless, and Yuri wiggled himself closer so they were crotch to crotch.He draped his arms over so so much tan neck. All he needed was a kiss to seal the deal. Then he’d kick ‘em to the curb, laugh about it with Beka. Maybe even tell his wife. It’d show him, It’d show him for teasing at him and looking at him, and making Yuri even think of insane stuff like this. He deserved it, all of it.Yuri had his eyes closed, lips pursed, when he felt the waterfall sensations of satin roll over his shoulders. JJ tied it up in the front in a bow.“Yuri. You know I’m fluent in french, right?” Yuri could only give him questionmark eyes, mouth agape and wordless. JJ face was twisted in an uncomfortable cringe. Yuri checked his to see if his heels were digging into him. They weren’t. “I think you should go, Yuri. Get changed. I’ll call the hotel for you.” JJ picked lifted off his lap, right under the armpits like he was scolding a cat, and padded out of the room tapping away on his phone. What the fuck.What the actual fuck.It was his only thought. Repeating ad fucking nauseum, rattling in Yuri’s brain as he barely register that his body managed go through the motions to get some clothes on. He didn’t even both taking the panties off. He collected his backpack full failed plans and JJ literally holding the door for him. Yuri couldn’t bear to look. He kept his head down and counted the tiles as he held his breath.

“I called an uber. Look, Yuri.” JJ tilted up his chin, Yuri hated how he was forced to take his pity. “No hard feelings, yeah?” Yuri swatted his hand away with nothing but a grunt, turning heel with too much momentum that it forced him into a sprint to the chevy waiting for him. The cold night air made him entirely too aware of the pin prick tears in the corner of his eyes. That was the last thing Yuri fucking needed. Why was he so fucking upset? This whole thing was supposed to be about catching him.

That dumb fucking song was playing in the car and Yuri was powerless to keep the tears back. He sniffed far too loud and had bite the inside of his cheek to keep from making any pathetic whines. God. God fucking damnit. It was never about JJ. Yuri honestly felt sick to his stomach realizing why the fuck he did any of this. He really wish he didn’t have these feelings.Je saurais quoi faire de toi

Et c’est ce que je veux au fond

#THANK YOU TORI #pliroy sorta #voxane writes

[nomanonold]

#Chihoko

I woke up still sort of hungover to this BLAST of texts from my collaborator friend telling me about HO-LY-SHIT everything that had happened in the fandom over night. But mostly, Sin wanted to write the story, because once you hear it, you HAVE to write it, right? 

So here you go: our take on #Chihoko

http://archiveofourown.org/works/10762548

Or read here:

No one ever accused Yurio of being a patient, understanding friend, but this morning, no one could blame him for his outrage.

The two men he looked up to most in the world, he was literally looking up to right now, as the fucking idiots sat naked on the roof of a castle yelling at the sunrise. Since when did the youngest guy in the room end up being the only responsible one?

Since they all started drinking last night, the bastards.

------

They left Ice Castle in a fit of boisterous ego. Every single one of them knew this was going to be the best production they’d ever done. Or, at least, the very most fun. There was so much fanservice and silliness, things they’d never get away with in real competition. It was professional athletes fooling around and seeing what they could really do with their bodies without ISU judgement. The triplets kept a steady slow drip of “accidental” sneak previews feeding the public into a hyper frenzy.

The event was already sold out. Every room in Yu-Topia booked. People were staying in cities two hours away and taking the train back and forth to Hasetsu just for the “Victor and Friends” ice skating exhibition extravaganza.

The hardest part was getting Yakov to agree to let the entire Russian Team come to Japan for this. After that, Phichit, Minami, and Chris were easy to bring on board. And once he had them, it was no problem for Victor to get Seung Gil, Leo, Guang-Hong, Mickey and Sara. Because the entire city was booked, everyone was bunking with Victor, Yuuri and Yuri at Yu-Topia, but quarters were already tight, which necessitated an unfortunate amount of room sharing. In the morning, many bodies were strewn on the floor of Victor’s room, being the largest of the three. Somehow, Yurio managed to keep all the potential bed-sharers out of his closet-turned-bedroom, but he slid the door open in the early morning, thinking he’d get a head start on his preparation, to see chaos.

No one was fully clothed. There were about a dozen people in Victor’s room, on his bed, on his floor, everywhere. Yurio was immediately disgusted by this display. He didn’t even know a few of these people. Everyone was asleep. They needed to be at Ice Castle in a few hours. What the fuck was going on?

Finally, Yuri spotted Yuuri: or what was left of him.

“Katsudon! What the hell hap--..?” but he couldn’t finish his thought.  

Yuuri looked worse than the entire room put together. He was ass-up at the foot of Victor’s bed, face a passed-out heap on one of his folded arms. The other arm was splayed at a hard angle. He was drooling and snoring. His back was covered in sharpie marker.

To top it all off, he had a pair of too-small bikini-style men’s underwear on his head, spraying his hair into a million odd angles through the leg holes. Black, of course, and undoubtedly Victor’s.

Speaking of which.

Yuri narrowed his eyes, taking a closer look at the scrambled assortment of human flesh.

“Yuuri!” Yuri woke his rival up the best way he knew how: kicking Yuuri over onto his side and then repeatedly punching Yuuri with his foot.

“Where did you put Victor?!” Yuri exclaimed. For all the bodies in the room, none of them were the star of the upcoming show.

That was a problem.

Yuuri finally woke up, moaning, and blinked at Yuri for all of two seconds before he was leaning off the edge of the bed, grabbing the upturned waste basket by his desk, and hurling into it.

That was the last straw.

Yuri yelled at the entire room to wake up.

“Victor’s not here?” Yuuri finally managed, blinking through the pounding of his head, groaning. He was somewhere between drunk and hungover and didn’t know which was worse.

Everyone else was making similar noises, complaining and bitching and getting groggily to their feet.

“Where the fuck is Victor?!” Yuri repeated. Normally, it took a steel spatula to pry Victor off of Yuuri, and yet now, on the morning of his big event, he was nowhere to be seen? Something was off.

People started looking at their phones, trying to see if they’d heard from Victor, received a text, or if Victor was somewhere Instagramming his heart out as was his routine in the early morning.

No one had heard a peep.

“Maybe YOU did something to him, Yurio!”  Georgi accused, in the beginning of a panic.

“What the FUCK would I do to Victor?!”

“You have always wanted to be Russia’s only star, get out from under Victor’s shadow,” Mila declared, her suspicion teetering between legitimate and playful. How the hell had Mila wound up in this room? The girls were supposed to take Yuuri’s room.

“Like I need any help with that, Baba!” Yuri growled.

“Look,” Mickey said, holding up a scribbled napkin that had fallen out of the waste bin when Yuuri grabbed it for other purposes. On the napkin were various poorly-scripted show names: YURI ON DARKNESS, YURI ON GALAXY, YURI ON TIGER, ME VS THE WORLD. “You even want your own show!”

“HEY!” Yurio glowered, disguising his embarrassment as anger. “Those -- That’s --- HALF OF THOSE WERE OTABEK’S IDEAS!”

Sometime during this conversation Chris - who was nowhere to be seen - had tweeted:

“Victor! Where are you?!” with winking smiles, and now everyone’s phones were blowing up. Chris had just informed the rabid, sold-out crowds that Victor was missing.

Minako burst into the room of mostly-still-asleep half-naked men: “Yuko just called! What the hell happened last night!? Where’s Victor????”

That outburst got everyone awake for real, and people who didn’t stand up fast enough for Minako’s tastes got kicked in the ribs or butt.

“Yuri-kun! What is that on your back?!” Minami squealed, pointing with one hand and clutching his gasping mouth with the other.

Minako spun her protege around. “It’s in Russian! It must be from Victor!”

She promptly shoved Yuuri into Yurio. “READ IT! WHAT DOES IT SAY?!?!”

Yurio was suddenly in too-close proximity to Yuuri’s, sweaty, alcohol-smelling, naked flesh. He growled and struggled, but the group overpowered him.

“Please, Yurio?” Yuuri finally begged, bending over and trying to do a ‘flat back’ style yoga pose to ease Yurio’s reading of the text. “We need to know where Victor is. We can’t do ‘Victor and Friends’ without Victor.”

“You know, we could always --” Georgi started, Mila beside him, but Yuri wasn’t one to be shown up.

Yuri looked away, shrugged off his captors and growled:  “It says Victor will beat Chihoko. Or… overcome Chihoko.”

Almost simultaneously, nearly everyone in the group uttered some variant of: “Who the fuck is Chihoko?”

Yurio stomped towards his room. “How the heck should I know! IDIOTS! I hate all of you!” and did his best to slam the sliding door before throwing himself onto his bed with a pillow over his head so he couldn’t hear the madness outside. He did his part to help in the search by texting Victor.

The fuck have you gone?

“Oh no. This is terrible,” Yuuri clutched his forehead in the other room and tried to stand, failing, and slumping back against the bed.

Seung Gil looked nervously around the room and was happy the Victor disappearance overshadowed his own… actions… last night. He tried to further deflect attention from himself by announcing:

“Katsuki Yuuri, one thing needs to be said before we go on.”

Yuuri looked up at him with the saddest, most beaten down eyes, hoping for comfort from a younger, kinder friend.

“Put some clothes on!”

This entire time, in front of Minako Sensei and everyone else, including, OH GOD BAKA MINAMI KUN, Katsuki Yuri had been balls and dick hanging out for all the world to see.

Yuuri immediately grabbed the trashcan and threw up again.

“Okay, okay,” Phichit decided to try and save the day. “Everyone’s seen a drunk morning after movie, right?” There was bleary, non-committal nodding in response. “Well, we have to retrace our steps, look for clues! Everyone empty your pockets and try to remember what happened last night!”

“We ate katsudon for dinner.” Georgi pulled out his receipt from downstairs.

“Oh yeah,” Mickey continued to build his case against the Russian Fairy. “Victor said ‘Here’s your katsudon, kitten’ and then Yurio got pissed.”

Mila laughed and mocked with her best Yurio voice: “I am the ICE TIGER!”

Leo shuddered. “That was when things started to get… gross…”

Guang Hong looked at his phone and found a video of Chris. He hit play.

The Swiss star lounged salaciously in the middle of a Victor and Yuuri sandwich. He leaned into Yuuri, purring: “Do you want to... drink my… sake?” The tone made it clear he was talking about anything but sake.

Yuuri feigned pushing him away, leaning Chris into Victor. “It’s OUR sake, Chris.” He corrected. “It belongs to Yu-Topia.”

Leo and Guang Hong could be heard near the phone: “Ugh. Adults are gross.”

The video kept playing to prove the youngsters right. Chris snorted at the pair and turned his weighty gaze on them. “If we’re so adult for you, why don’t you go to your mums, get a nice suckle of milk, and go sleep in your cribs, hmm?” The words alone were bad, but Chris accented them with a slow swirl of his finger around his nipple and a squeeze of his pectoral.

The video ended.  

Minako was flush and excused herself to go look for Chris and Victor since they both had to be out in the town somewhere.

“THAT’S IT!” Yurio burst from his bedroom. “Yuuri was jealous of Victor flirting with Chris all night and hid him away!” He pointed a finger of judgment at Yuuri as the Japanese skater pathetically tried to hop into a pair of pants. Phichit, bless his soul, was acting as a human railing for Yuuri to hold on to to stay balanced as he dressed.

“It looked more like Chris was flirting with Yuuri,” Leo offered.

“They were all pretty into each other,” Georgi sighed, enamoured by the love his friends shared. “I don’t think either Victor or Yuuri would be jealous of Chris.”   Yuuri buried his face in his hands.

“Oh! Look at this video!” Mila chirped.

A far more sober video began to play, it must have been from much earlier than the Chris milking incident.

Victor and Yuuri were drinking, but slowly, and the video panned to everyone around the room enjoying themselves, fully clothed.

Victor jumped up behind Yuuri and grabbed him around the waist.

“Yuuuuri my cuuuteee piiggyyy!” His fingers began to squeeze Yuuri’s pooch over his shirt. “Your off season soft tummy is sooo squishy!” Then his hands got up under Yuuri’s shirt and exposed his tummy. “I squish it!”

Yuuri squirmed a bit adorably and whined: “Victor!! Everyone’s watching!”

This did absolutely nothing to disincentivize Victor.

“What the heck, Mila?!” Yuuri groaned as the video actually zoomed in on Victor’s hand smooshing a warm circle over Yuuri’s bare and adorably pudgy stomach.

“Poodgy poofy woofy!” Victor laughed and jiggled the flesh.

Mila covered a spit-take style laugh with her hand as the video stopped playing.

“Maybe Katsudon got jealous that everyone saw Victor being cute with him and wanted to keep him to himself!” Yurio tried to shout, but it was drowned out by the combined cacophony of everyone laughing at the video.

“No. This clue doesn’t help.” Phichit scratched his chin and did his best detective voice. “Anything else anyone remembers?”

“Oh! I’ve got one!” Leo cheered. “Oh! This is a good one! I bet this is it!”

The newest video showed Victor flirting with Chris this time. Yuuri had lost an article of clothing or two, but still had his pants on.

“Victor! Stop looking at Chris and look at meeeeeee!”

Victor’s position in the onsen made it possible for him to be facing both Yuuri and Chris at once.

“Yuuri, I AM looking at you!”

“You’re not looking enough.”

Snickering could be heard in the background as drunk-video Yuuri put on a pouty face and reached for Victor. Once he had Victor in his clutches, Yuuri’s Sochi banquet begging voice was suddenly all anyone could hear in the room. At full volume, Katsuki Yuuri wailed:

“Victor! Do it with me!”

Minami-Kun, hearing this from the recording, dropped his phone with a loud thud. His body when rigid and he didn’t even try to retrieve the device.

“Do what?” came the silver tongued reply in the video.

“That thing we do… when we drink… do that… do it with me…”

Yurio covered his ears and his growls were crescendoed to a roar of insolent rage. He knew this was all Yuuri’s fault! No one listened to him!

The video ended.

“That’s right!” Phichit laughed. “You guys came back in here and started playing Yakyuken! Oh, Yuuri-kun, you lost… BAD. You were naked in like ten minutes.”

“KATSUKI SHIT YUURI!” Yurio erupted.  

Yuuri had buried his face in the pillow by this point, curled up into a ball and commenced a long, aching, moan. No had had the courage to tell him that Victor’s underwear was still on his head. Finally he admitted in a whine of pain: “It’s true… I want to disappear…”  

Georgi raised a delicate finger. “I saw Victor when he left last night! He was naked when he left! And he kept saying something.” His steepled his fingers against his temples as he paced, wracking his brain. “Chin… hoko…?”

Minami went more crimson than he already was. “Uh, is had to be something else, right Georgi? He couldn’t have been repetitively saying…” he blanched, “penises, could he?”

Mila guffawed. “That sounds about right for drunk Victor!”

Yurio screamed. “Chihoko, you ass!” at Georgi. “The same thing that’s written on Yuuri’s stupid sweaty, stinking back!”

“OH!” Phichit suddenly exclaimed. “Chihoko!!!” He’d tagged that on one of his IG pics the previous night: Yuuri and Victor, waist up, though Victor had one of Yuuri’s ankles in his hands and was compressing the Japanese skater into an impressive stretch. “Look!”

“I… I have a video from then…” Minami whispered in horror. His cheeks were bright red, and he couldn’t bring himself to press play. He held out his phone in one hand, the other covering his eyes.

It looked like Minami had been trying to take a video of Yuri and Leo balancing cards, but in the background, sure enough, were Victor and Yuuri, half out of frame but their voices clear:

“Who…. is Chihoko!?” Victor gasped in alarm, dropping Yuuri’s leg. Yuuri twisted around and wrapped his arms around Victor’s neck, slurring:

“Are youuuu maaaaaadddddd,” Yuuri teased, his butt shaking in the video as he pushed Victor back.

“No!” Victor tried to scoff.

“Yess youuu arrrreeeee!”

The pair’s words escalated, but the video cut off abruptly as Yuri and Leo’s card tower fell down.

“My Victor and Yuuri got a divorce!” Phichit shrieked in horror.

Yuuri made another deathly noise from his pillow.

#Chihoko was on several people’s phones, with the question trending online “Who is Chihoko?!” The skaters were all asking one another the same question, now.

That was when Emil walked in, blinked at the sight of everyone, shook his head like clearing a nightmare, and asked: “Why is Victor naked on top of the castle?”

Even Yurio was stunned silent.

“What?” Yuuri finally had to ask.

“Victor… he’s… er….” Emil nodded the way he’d came. “He’s naked. Stretching. On the castle roof.”

“Oh, god.”

Yuuri made a move for the door, and it wasn’t until he was almost out of Yu-Topia that Emil called: “Take that underwear off your head!”

Yuuri would never forgive Phichit for this.

By the time Yuuri reached the castle, panting, out of breath, and quite certain he was still drunk, the sky was light enough that sunrise was imminent.

One story above him, the love of his life was up there stretched into a pose that mimicked one of the nearby statues. It was an impressive sight, cock and all. Before Yuuri could even open his mouth, Victor was shouting:

“IS THIS BETTER THAN CHIHOKO!?”

Yuuri blinked.

“WHO THE HELL IS CHIHOKO!” He held out his hands in exasperation towards his love: “I COULD SEARCH THE WHOLE WORLD; THERE’S NOBODY BETTER THAN YOU!”

And he saw and heard the little shriek of joy this caused in Victor.

By this time, the others had arrived, only a few stragglers still coming up the hill. Chris had run into Emil on the other man’s way to Yu-Topia and had been standing below Victor trying to talk him down for more than thirty minutes. Phichit greeted Chris with a chipper grin:

“Have you been babysitting him this whole time? You missed all the fun this morning.”

Chris smiled and flashed his phone, revealing a photo of Seung Gil laying kisses on a stunned Nishigori: “Oh, Phichit, the day is only just beginning.”

Victor caught everyone’s attention when he hailed from above: “Yuuuuuri! Strip and join mee!!!”

Chris and Phichit laughed, like Victor had made a funny joke, but Yuuri stared pure-hearted determination up at Victor and promptly started removing his shirt and pants all over again.

“Ahhhhh! Yuuri! Amazing!” Victor swooned when Yuuri finally caught up to him, walking carefully along the rooftop. “Am I shining, Yuuri?!”

“Very, very brightly,” Yuuri agreed, the first rays of the sun catching on Victor’s pale skin and making him glow.

“THIS CHIHOKO MAY BE YUURI’S PAST,” Victor called down to the assembled skate group, who had absolutely no idea how to deal with this situation, “BUT I AM YUURI’S NOW!”

Yuuri nuzzled into Victor’s naked body and bare skin.

“Oh good, everyone!” Phichit enthused. “My best friend got remarried!!!”

There was a round of clapping from the assembled skaters as Victor and Yuuri took their seats on the roof, arms hugging waists, watching the sunrise.

“I’M BETTER THAN CHIHOKO!” Victor cried out happily.

“HE’S BETTER THAN THE SUN!” Yuuri joined him, pointing at the half moon of burning light.

“I’M BETTER THAN THE WORLD!!!”

---

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Yuri growled from the ground.

This was why he shouldn’t let those two around alcohol.

It was officially confirmed for their fans and all of their friends. Victor and Yuuri were a couple of drunk exhibitionists. Next time they called Yurio to be part of their show, he would tell them to fuck off. Fuck right off. There was no way he was getting sucked into this again. The disgusting public affection. The raunchy nudity. The uncontrollable theatrics. Up early enough to see the fucking sunrise!

Yuri huffed, surrounded by his skating family, after one of the most ridiculous nights of his life, and couldn’t entirely hide the way his lip quirked up as he looked at that horizon.

#yoi #yuri on ice #chihoko #victuuri #phichit chulanont #Yuri Plisetsky #ao3 #fanfic