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thegirlinthemirror-01 · 2 years

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Why scaring individuals with disordered eating into recovery doesn't work (with an emphasis on restrictive subtypes)

First of all, I know when people do this, they are coming from a good place. People are concerned, and thus want to try to help. And scare tactics seem affective since non-disordered individuals would certainly care about the physical affects of an eating disorder if they had one. But the thing is, they don't have one, and they likely will never understand what it is like to live with one. Scare tactics often don't work with disordered eating, partially because it is an addiction, but partially because of the nature of the disorder itself.

I say this often, but I want to reiterate how eating disorders come about. No sane person develops an eating disorder. Eating disorders are born out of depression, self hatred, or trauma; or often a combination of all three. Eating disorders are uncomfortable. Starving yourself/binge eating are uncomfortable both physically and mentally, due to the shame that comes with the behaviors. If a sane person were to start these behaviors, they would likely stop before they got in too deep, because it's so uncomfortable, they wouldn't be able to follow through with it. Starving makes you weak, lethargic, apathetic, and severely depressed. It makes you physically drained as well as emotionally.

People with eating disorders are in so much pain mentally, that the pain of disordered eating behaviors feels like nothing in comparison. Otherwise, it would be unsustainable to keep up with those behaviors. It's often numbing, even.

Now imagine you hate yourself so much, and you have so much depression and apathy, and someone tells you your disorder is going to damage your body--or worse, it's going to kill you. A person with an eating disorder isn't likely going to mind that fact. They want to hurt themselves. They likely want to die. And they likely want people to see that. They (often) want people to notice how horrible they feel inside. This is mostly subconscious, but it's true-- Eating disorders are often an external way to project an internal feeling.

Eating disorders are also highly competitive. Pointing out that someone's disorder is going to harm them is validating that they are sick enough. And nothing sounds better than those words: I am sick enough.

Another thing is, is that individuals with eating disorders are experts in eating disorders. We count calories. We weigh ourselves obsessively. We look up diets. We research food. We research exercise. We research the body. We research everything. We research our own disorders. We know everything about what's going on with our bodies. People with eating disorders know more than you know. And they either don't care, or they want themselves to wither away. It's even exciting when the physical affects of the disorder start to show up, because again, it means they are sick enough. For those who menstruate, missing a cycle can be something so euphoric. Feeling dizzy or lightheaded means that you're burning enough calories. Cavities and throat sores mean nothing if you're purging enough calories. Physical affects means it's working. And there's nothing better than proof that the behaviors are working.

So if a person knows--and is experiencing--the negative affects of an eating disorder, and views it as a positive thing, scare tactics just aren't going to work.

Again, people with eating disorders often also feel ashamed of having an eating disorder despite the euphoria they feel. Eating disorders are often a world of contradictions. Losing hair means I am sick enough, but it is also something I am insecure about. I feel euphoric about how much weight I am losing, but I cover my body with baggy clothes to hide how much I've lost. Pointing out that someone has an eating disorder, that you've noticed it, and you notice what is going on with their body, just reminds them that they are sick, and that it is worrying to you, is not a good idea.

People with eating disorders are depressed, loath themselves, and are often riddled with shame. Worrying about them makes them feel guilty. It makes them feel ashamed. And they lose trust in you. Or they further retreat into their behaviors. It's a contradiction: They now feel both ashamed and euphoric to be sick enough that you noticed.

Eating disorders are addictions. It is very very very hard to break out of those patterns once they have set root. Telling someone that they might die means nothing if they can't stop. And it might make them feel like they are spiraling out of control. It is not a comfortable feeling.

So what can you do if you are worried about someone's eating disorder? This is also a tricky question with no clear-cut answer. But I would ask them--or, if that makes you (or them) uncomfortable, be compassion. Ask to spend time with them. Get them out of the house and out of their head. Make sure they know you care. Eating disorders are born from depression and self-loathing, so make sure they know that they are loved. Don't bring up the eating disorder. Talk about things they are passionate about. Compliment their personality. Just be there for them and make sure they know you care.

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