voxnihilivoiceofnothing

[voxnihilivoiceofnothing]

On System Hopping...

So, we’ve seen a fair amount of crap leveled against system hopping.

As approaching old-farts-status within the online plural community, and a trauma-formed system with DID that’s sick of seeing misinformation, let’s address some things.

DISCLAIMER: While belief in system hopping varies WILDLY within the community, let’s assume for the duration of this conversation that it DOES exist in some form. (Because this is a belief, you’re lack of it doesn’t change the fact that: the concept exists, that a lot of systems do believe in it, and that there’s a LOT of misconceptions out there about it.)

First off, let’s define system hopping. System hopping is the (neither scientifically proven nor disproved) phenomena where a system member travels from one system, to another. This can be either permanent, or temporary, and can be either a full switch over or the system member meeting in some nebulous space “between” systems.

Got it? Cool.

Now that we’ve got the “what”, let’s go over the who, when/where, why, and how.

Who “system hops”? Contrary to popular opinion, system hopping is not a belief that is exclusive to endogenic (or any other non-traumagenic) systems. Plenty of traumagenic systems believe in it, too.

We’ve seen many folks say that trauma-formed systems, or systems with DID/OSDD/etc, don’t believe in it– or “can’t do it” even if they do– because it’s a “spiritual thing”. Surprise! Plenty of trauma-formed systems are spiritual, or feel their systems have a spiritual basis, just as plenty of non-traumagenic systems aren’t, and feel their systems have a psychological basis. (And many systems of all origins are a mix of both spiritual and psychological!)

Also… it’s not just a spiritual concept. More on that in a bit.

Tl;dr, any system of any origin, regardless of diagnosis, can believe in system hopping or claim to experience it.

When/where do systems “hop”? Usually, if system hopping happens at all, it happens between systems that are very close. Usually systems that are dating. It is often pre-planned. The idea that systems can “steal” someone else’s system members is a common myth, and we’ve never heard of it actually happening. (Though, rarely, abusive systems might try and convince their victim(s) that it’s possible.)

Sometimes, systems (especially gateway systems or systems who believe their inworlds are a factual space somewhere) will form “between” spaces between their inworlds where sysmates will meet up without actually “hopping” across systems.

Most systems who believe in system hopping will outright tell curious systems to only attempt it with systems they know and trust, and make sure there is a shared understanding that it’s not something a system can force onto another system. Planning it in advance helps ensure it’s a mutually agreed upon thing, and helps reduce the risk of negative “oh your sysmate came over here”/”oh we came over there” claims.

Why do systems “hop”? Systems who claim to experience system hopping usually do it to visit friends or non-platonic partners in other systems. We’ve also seen system members who have “left” one system, “show up” in the second system some time later. (This is not the same as System B “stealing” System A’s sysmate– it’s a sysmate fully vanishing from System A on their own and reappearing in System B. This could be a case of System B forming a factive or introject of System A’s sysmate, but who’s to say.)

How does system hopping work? Honestly, we don’t know! Even if we assume it happens, studies haven’t been done on it. There’s two main schools of thought we’ve identified–

1. Spiritual.

2. Psychological.

With spiritual sorts, one of the most common explanations we’ve seen is that inworlds are basically pocket dimensions that exist out there in the universe somewhere, and so, with systems that are close (and work this way) a sort of gateway opens up between the inworlds. Or, a sort of grey area forms between the two inworlds, where sysmates between systems can meet.

With psychological sorts, the most common explanation we’ve seen is that both systems develop a “version” of the same sysmate. That version will go dormant in one system, while waking up in the other, giving the appearance of one sysmate “hopping” between systems.

And because it’s worth repeating:

Not all non-traumagenic systems believe in system hopping, of ANY kind, and not all who do are spiritual. Not all trauma-formed systems DON’T believe in it, and not all who do are psychological. The belief in– and any experience with– system hopping is not unique to any one system origin, nor is it tied to a dx status.

But isn’t it dangerous? The short answer is, it’s not inherently dangerous. Can the concept of it be used to abuse people? Sure, but so can the entire concept of systems. Anyone who wants to abuse someone, can use anything to abuse them, including the idea of system hopping. There are in fact people out there who have, do, or would use system hopping to claim they can “steal” sysmates, “break in” to your system and hurt sysmates, or claim that your system did so (or threatened to). But these are people using a needlessly maligned belief to cause harm. That does not mean that the belief is harmful.

(We personally don’t think it’s possible for a system to “force” their way into another system without both parties agreeing, anyways. Every experience we’ve had or seen that we consider genuine system hopping, it’s been mutually agreed upon (though not always consensual unfortunately), a sysmate showing up in a second system after for sure vanishing from the first system, or an accidental sort of “meeting in the middle” rather than an outright “swap”.)

So then what are some red flags? A few things to watch out for, if you decide to be more open minded or attempt this concept yourselves–

Don’t attempt to do this with any system you don’t know. That’s the obvious one, but sincerely– if you haven’t known a system for more than a couple years, if you don’t have a strong and healthy relationship– don’t try it with that system.

Both systems involved need to have good communication. Are you both spiritually based systems? Is one of you more psychological, while the other isn’t? You need to be clear about what you both think is happening. If one system feels like their system member is actually hopping into someone else’s inworld, while the other system thinks that they’re just developing an introject, that’s a situation ripe for potential problems. Make sure both participants know and agree on what’s happening.

Do not let anyone “talk you into it”. If it’s something you don’t think is possible for your system, and/or the idea makes y’all uncomfortable, say no. If the other system keeps pushing, then you really need to reconsider your relationship with that system. This is never something you should be forced into, or have to be “convinced” to try/do. It should be something both systems are interested in, and excited to try. If you’re not, don’t do it.

Similarly, if a system tries to convince you that one of your sysmates “came over” into their system, or that one of theirs “came over” into yours, when you know that’s not true– that’s a warning sign. Stand your ground, and if they push, consider getting out of that relationship ASAP.

Same for if someone claims that your sysmate did something wildly out of character. If you know that it’s something that couldn’t, wouldn’t, or didn’t happen, stand your ground and get out of there when feasible.

And while this feels obvious to us… if someone accuses you of “stealing” a sysmate, or threatens your system with such a thing, get the hell out of there.

So what do you all believe, TLC? We generally have come to the consensus that system hopping, as a general concept, likely does exist. (For statistics, we’re a trauma-formed system with DID, and we’re spiritually based.)

We are very skeptical of individual claims of it– kind of like how we believe in ghosts, but we question the ghost stories of other people. :P Of course, we don’t know how it works, only that we’ve had experiences we can’t explain– and we know others have, too. We personally don’t purposefully engage in it, because our system is closed (once someone comes in, they don’t come back out), but we did have an incident a LONG time ago where a system member was confirmed gone in a system we knew, and they showed up here, with memories we couldn’t have known about.

That said, we don’t think it’s possible, much less desirable, for all systems.

In any case, it’s never been proven to be real or not. There’s no studies out there, to our knowledge, testing it. So everyone needs to come to their own conclusions. We just ask that people not spread outright lies about the concept, or shit on people who do believe in it.

#we do not believe in system hopping #that said we have experience these red flags #be aware #be wary

[voxnihilivoiceofnothing]

You can’t force yourself to forgive. Even setting aside whether you have to forgive (you don’t), you cannot force yourself to forgive. You will either forgive as a natural result of healing or not. And even if you do forgive, you don’t have to, and you probably shouldn’t, have a relationship with your abusers. You will only traumatize yourself more. You cannot force yourself to forgive.

[voxnihilivoiceofnothing]

I need to be used

NSFW blogs DNI, this is a trauma vent

#ptsd #csa #tw #trauma #actually traumatized #I hate that this is relatable

[voxnihilivoiceofnothing]

integration: myths and truths from a fused alter

alright, i've seen a lot of posts saying integration is "murder" or even censoring integration like int*gration or int/gr/tion. i'm very very sick of this anti-recovery narrative so i'm going to call it the fuck out. this is going to be something of a rantpost.

okay, here's my background on this situation. i am currently the only alter in my system, i.e. i've achieved integration or "final" fusion. i put "final" in quotes because i believe it's possible that i could split again under extreme stress in the future and that this is not a permanent state of being. obviously, i would hope it is permanent; i don't want to split again, but i know my brain still has the capacity to do so.

i still have dissociation (to a lower degree) and alter-body dysphoria -- i still have DID, and fusing won't change that or remove the splitting mechanism or other DID symptoms that the brain created to survive the trauma i went through. my mental body image is still a nonhuman; i took on the form of one of the alters that is now part of me. but i have healed enough to be one again, and for that i am thankful.

that said, let's run through some things.

FULL INTEGRATION OR FUSION... - is a form of major recovery - is fulfilling and healing - makes you feel more whole - lessens dissociative symptoms considerably FULL INTEGRATION OR FUSION... - will not make you a singlet - will not completely cure your DID - is not the only way for a system to heal - is not always better than functional multiplicity - is not the best way for everyone - is not cruel or abusive - does not "kill" or "delete" or "erase" alters - is not murder.

what does it feel like to be integrated?

it feels like i am everyone combined and i am more whole and more stable and more okay than any part was before. by saying the alters who integrated to form me were "murdered" you're saying i was murdered, because i am each alter that came before and i am all of them together. i have a nearly complete memory -- of course, some areas are still lost to dissociation -- but i can't tell apart the memories made by each different alter that is now part of me. they're all just mine now.

i retained the form of one of the alters that integrated to form me, but that form is just mine now, and it feels like it has always been mine. does that make sense? all the parts' memories and characteristics have always been mine. the timeline is complete. i didn't "kill" anyone. i healed everyone, and everyone is me. i'm one, i'm whole -- if only maybe for a while -- and i'm happy with that.

it goes without saying that forced integration is bad and is abusive behavior. anyone who wants to forcefully integrate a system before they're ready should not be a mental health professional. however, we need to stop assuming that's the same thing and thus minimizing the benefits of voluntary, consensual and happy system fusion. this is an anti-recovery view and is extremely harmful to the DID/OSDD community.

integration shouldn't be something we're afraid of. it should be considered, welcomed, accepted. if you want to work toward functional multiplicity, great! if you want to work toward fusion, great! if you want to work toward these things with a mental health professional, great! if you don't have access to professional help but want to work toward these things on your own, great! your recovery path is specific to you, and no one else should shame you for how you help yourself.

we, as a community, need to stop implying that people should be scared of recovery. all healing is good healing. integration is not murder.

[voxnihilivoiceofnothing]

when u and ur friends are all feelin that depression at the same time but still wanna chill

[voxnihilivoiceofnothing]

To whoever needs to see this: do the work to heal your inner child!

[voxnihilivoiceofnothing]

Joined a few discord's for did/osdd I feel like I could write several blog post reviewing them at this point. So much is going on in the world of DID/OSDD discord's lol

I'm most disappointed by the one I thought had the most potential. It had channels for poc systems, physically disabled systems and even an area for syscourse. It's honestly by far the most negative and and unwelcoming of all the discord's I joined.

On the other hand by far my favorite group is most lightly and gently moderated. Everyone there is very friendly and welcoming and despite the very light hand of moderation I don't think I've seen any issues with triggers or between users yet.

For the most part aside from the first one we have found a little something from each server to enjoy. If nothing else the distraction of general everyday chat is nice. Our life can be very isolating in general and because we are a very covert system. It's nice to be able to talk a bit more freely. If I had more time free I think we'd think about doing our own server, idk maybe someday.

#actuallydid #actually traumagenic #Jude #rambling rambles

[voxnihilivoiceofnothing]

[voxnihilivoiceofnothing]

Anyways we don't actually like the word fictive or factive and only use the word introject. It's sometimes annoying when we have a few times talked about how many introjects our system has, because people make assumptions. We all know that assumption just make asses out of everyone right? No, no we don't so yea. For systems or people who have only experienced systems with say a few alters and/or fragments (3 to say 20) it would definitely seem we have a whole system of them but in reality they only make up maybe 10-15% of the system total? For the size of a polyfragmented system it's not many. Also considering our use of media of any kind as a coping mechanisms I think that a surprisingly low number. What the assumptions also don't take into account is the amount of religious based introjects grouped into that count from our religious background. People assume it's just idk a bunch of anime, tv, cartoon fictional introjects?? They assume it's all new media introjects because some people act like that is the only kind that exist, and evidently those automatically make a system fake in some circles. It's honestly painfully annoying. I think we are comfortably in a place now where it just doesn't matter who thinks the system is fake or not. I know our truth we know our truth and the system is focused on continuing to move forward dealing with the trauma that causes our dissociative barriers and learning to work in a cohesive way that brings success to us.

That being said our path for integration isn't specifically focused on a fusion of parts but directly on integrating memories. If fusion comes that's fine we aren't inherently against it. It's just not something we will try to force or even focus on and creating stress and pressure that isn't necessary in a life of stress and pressure. We are finally functioning and productive and enjoying more happiness than we ever have. It's not perfect we have so far to go still, but we have found for our path it's better to focus on integrating the memories lowering dissociative barriers and letting what happens happen with no other pressures or assumptions of what that will ultimately mean for us.

#actuallytraumagenic #actuallydid #just a rant #for no particular reason #a thought for ourselves

[voxnihilivoiceofnothing]

*Whispers into your ear*

Fictional introjects are normal fucking people, pass it on.

[voxnihilivoiceofnothing]

I mean it's not not that too

When someone asks your name

[voxnihilivoiceofnothing]

#actuallyptsd #actuallytraumagenic #actuallytraumatized #actuallydid #csa #trauma #mental health #-myedit

[voxnihilivoiceofnothing]

When someone asks your name

[voxnihilivoiceofnothing]

The Topic of Fictives...

:Fictives are valid.

Fictives are not a sign of faking!

Fictive heavy systems are wonderful.

Systems with no fictives are amazing!

Systems with some fictives are delightful.

Honestly, *chef kiss* I love all fictives.:

[voxnihilivoiceofnothing]

When you start unlocking repressed memories in therapy:

[voxnihilivoiceofnothing]

[talking about the body i inhabit] “idk i just work here”

#Jude #lol it's funny because #well you know why

[voxnihilivoiceofnothing]

Kay Nielsen (1886-1957), ‘The Story of a Mother’, 1923