walking-error

[walking-error]

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

—

[walking-error]

I deserve everything that happens to me…especially the bad things…

[walking-error]

I wish I could go back in time and be better for you

[walking-error]

childhood emotional neglect/abuse Things™️

what even is the right way to do the dishes

“I’ll give you something to cry about”

please just hit me and be done with it

still scared of accidentally slamming the door and getting in trouble

being depressed and anxious and your home environment makes it worse and struggling in school because of it and getting punished for struggling in school so you become more depressed and anxious and and and

friends’ parents always think you have amazing manners no ma’am lol I’m just terrified

wanting to protect your sibling(s) and being too small and scared to fight back

“you’ll be sorry when I’m dead”

stunted social development

never having friends over

attachment issues

want to sleep to escape but scared to sleep because you can’t monitor the environment

“you only care about yourself” I mean I’m seven but go off

cleaning without being asked hoping it’ll make things better but always doing it wrong

everything, every single godforsaken thing, you do is always wrong

panicking when you hear loud voices but can’t gauge the emotion

getting a 95 on a test and hearing “where’s the other five percent”

being screamed at for an hour when someone finds out you have an eating disorder

how do I function as an independent adult human

simultaneously wanting to treat yourself better than they did and having no concept of how

[walking-error]

When my mum tries to hug me after being a piece of shit

[walking-error]

You can have happy memories from toxic places.

Something I wish both the people I left behind in the church and the people I met after leaving understood is that I have good memories. I have absolutely amazing memories. Some of these memories many of the secular people I met give the side eye, and these are also the memories those still enmeshed point to as a reason it wasn’t that bad.

But these good memories don’t always feel good. That’s something that’s hard for people to understand. Sometimes these memories bring me a smile and fondness, sometimes they feel a like a rope tightening around my throat.

It’s so frustrating because I wish that they were one or the other, but they’re not.

The positive memories don’t outweigh the negative experiences and the negative experiences don’t have to engage the positive ones.

Trauma isn’t black and white. Perceptions of memories can change. That’s okay. Trauma is complicated. Life is complicated. We’re allowed to have had good memories in toxic places. We’re allowed to look back in different ways. We’re allowed to feel how we feel.

— Mod Felicity

[walking-error]

WHEN WILL PEOPLE FUCKING REALIZE THAT

MEN

ALSO

ARE

GIVEN

UNREALISTIC

EXPECTATIONS

DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA

HOW IMPOSSIBLE IT IS

TO LOOK LIKE THIS???

IT’S 100% FUCKING ILLOGICAL TO EXPECT MEN TO HAVE THIS RIPPED SIX-PACK ABS AND BE SKINNY AND HAVE PERFECT SKIN AND FACIAL COMPLEXION!  MEN ALSO EXPERIENCE BEING UNCOMFORTABLE WITH OUR BODIES ALL. THE. FUCKING. TIME.

[walking-error]

Doing ONE acceptable thing does not justify how they treat you. And they will die on the hill that they never meant to hurt you. But they did, and they still do. They will not change. They will never admit to it. You have every right to never speak to them again when you leave. If you confront them, you'll be yelled at. Remember why you wanted to leave. How they made you feel.

#narcissistic parent #cptsd #trauma vent #vent #abuse vent

[walking-error]

To dad.

Choose me for once, that's all I want from you

I am an option,I talk,I move,I laugh,I cry,I am still alive!!

But you just choose,you literally CHOOSE not to see me,not to hear me.

Do you even know I still exist?

[walking-error]

I am not worth the money you spend on my hobbies, clothes, food, phone.. I am not worth any of it. I will always be your rotten little brat and you will always hate what I love. I wish I were the "child" that died before me. Then I'd never have to hear you call me such names during my childhood. I've always been so ungrateful and pathetic for being hurt.

[walking-error]

Today my bf held me and said things like "you're my boy" "You're not alone" "I love you" "Cutiepie" while I listened to transmasc oriented songs and cried bc of dysphoria so no,I won't lower the bar for cis partners ever again. Poor man had to listen to sad me mumble Cavetown lyrics five times in a row.

[walking-error]

If you don't have top surgery yet, that doesn't make you any less of a man. I personally want top surgery, but I live with a transphobic parent.

If you don't WANT top surgery at all, you're still a man. I have a transmasc friend who said he doesn't want surgery because of money. And that's fine!

Your identity is valid whether or not you have a bit of fat on your chest. Cis men have that without the glands. They're just pecs, man. You're fucking great.

#pre t ftm #gay ftm #ftm transition #top surgery #pre op trans #pre op ftm #trans masc #trans men

[walking-error]

#traumacore #narcissistic parent #trauma vent #tw #vent #tw emotional abuse #transphobia #psychological abuse #cptsd

[walking-error]

It’s been almost a year. You’re past the point of “coming to terms with it” you’re now unsupportive and bordering on transphobic with some of your “innocent” comments and questions.

[walking-error]

I'm sick of dreaming about you. I'm constantly on edge.. afraid of making you angry. You call me names so often and disregard what I think and feel. But I'm still your baby, right? Tell me you're so happy to have kept me. If I talk back, everything is gone. Where did I go? Who am I to you?

I'll be your little punching bag as long as you live..

#narcissistic parent #trauma vent #tw #emotional abuse #cptsd #verbal abuse #psychological abuse #trans #narcissistic abuse

[walking-error]

Neurotypical people who don't have mental illnesses trying to tell you to "apply yourself" or "try harder" don't understand that trying harder for some of us means digging ourselves into a fucking hole. Staying up late doesn't equal good studying. Some of us have different struggles. You have yours. Unless you know someone's personal reasons for struggling? Shut the fuck up by assuming that they're just not trying.

[walking-error]

Its difficult to empathize with a mother who used to get mad at you for showing any negative enotions and would yell at you when you cried

When i see her cry or lamenting about how terrible her life is, i question why i still stick around