winoiwinyl

[winoiwinyl]

Imagine spending all this school year dedicating your life to ana. Starve all day at school, come home, workout, hydrate, try on the next school day outfit. look how your morning skinny turned into regular skinny. "Skip dinner wake up thinner" is a great quote, but why should it just be a quote? why not your life. You say your an4r3x1c. act like it. all this year you can workout everyday and don't eat. too hard? you live with others? not enough time? 1. Too hard? - Having this illness is hard but you have to realize that once you reach your ugw it is so much easier. no more hiding under that zip up. 2. Live with others? - Every situation is different so i cant say this for exact. just some tips. dinner? take the plate to your room, put it in a zip lock bag and then hid it in a good place until your able to either take it with you out of the house or throw it away under garbage or outside bins. 3. Not enough time? - There are literally 5 minute workouts on you tube. if you won't even make time for that then get your priority straight. maybe you share a room with someone. so what? "Embarrassing!" "They will be suspicious!" of what? working out? i promise you they do not care. they will be jealous at most.

Do this all school year. starve as long as possible. workout. hydrate. walk. run. steps. calories in calories out. determination. "Honeymoon phase". You'll be ready to take it the next step in the summer. by the end of the school year you should be on track to have been losing at least 20 LB. School is 10 months long. 10 months. school is the biggest distraction and food avoidant there is.

ana is only ever going to help. show her how bad you want it.

[winoiwinyl]

Zimno nocy znów przypomina mi o twoich ciepłych ustach

[winoiwinyl]

Ja zawsze chciałam pomóc.

Zawsze chciałam wyciągnąć rękę i pomóc mu wyjść z bagna. Chciałam być oparciem, byłam gotowa nieść ciężar jego problemów, błędów, czy wszystkiego co było dla niego za ciężkie do zniesienia.

Przez całe moje życie, starałam się zrozumieć czym jest miłość, dlaczego wszyscy do niej dążą. Ale teraz, leżąc w zimnej pościeli sama, gdy druga poduszka jest pusta, nie muszę niczego rozumieć. Ja po prostu to czuje. Czuje tą najczystszą miłość, tą która jest na zawsze, która nigdy nie odejdzie, mimo że nie ma cię ze mną już długo.

Mam nadzieje, że kiedyś nadejdzie dzień, kiedy nie wyciągnę z przyzwyczajenia dwóch kubków na kawę, kiedy nie będę czekała na wiadomość każdego ranka,

Kiedy w końcu będę szczęśliwa.

#sad poem #depressing shit #depressing post #love notes to no one #love #hurt/comfort #this is depressing #tw depressing stuff

[winoiwinyl]

Jestem tak kurwa tym wszystkim zmęczona.

[winoiwinyl]

Widziałam dziś w parku parę staruszków trzymających się za ręce i zażywających ich ostatnich oddechów. Pani miała posiwiałe włosy i uśmiech ukazujący już zgorzknięte i wytarte zęby. A on? Patrzył na nią jak najpiękniejszy malunek, jak na dzieło sztuki, rzeźbę w najdroższych muzeach. Podtrzymywał się laską, a jego twarz poddała się przeżytym latom ukazując zmarszczki. A ona? Była jego drugim oparciem, szła z nim ramie w ramie wspomagając każdy jego następny krok. I szli tak, przez park, przez życie, przez miłość. Zawsze obok siebie, równi, tak samo piękni w swoich oczach, dzieląc ze sobą każdy dzień.

Jakże pięknie by było znaleść taką miłość, aż do grobowej deski.

#depressing post #love notes to no one #depressing shit #poetry #sad poem

[winoiwinyl]

Essay on the relationship between goth and grunge

Goth, is a music based subculture created in the 80s. Pioneered by bands such as Bauhaus, Siouxsie and the Banshees and The Cure, it is a subculture with a convoluted history and tumultuous developments. Its aesthetic, sonic and lifestyle components being influenced primarily by horror films, avant garde art, music, cinema and literature, campy b movies, glam rock, punk, old Hollywood and classic literature, it has been among the most surviving counterculture amongst others of the same era, especially among teens and adults. It has survived, and continues to struggle against, numerous misconceptions and stereotypes by the media, perverted men and posers deliberately warping the scene to their advantage due to the efforts of those among the scene. It has clearly defined values and characteristics of those who choose to participate in the scene, that revolve around clubbing, social participation, seeing and being seen, political and cultural conscientiousness, creativity, insular tastes in media and hobbies and overall can be seen as a means of self help and building of one’s identity.

Grunge, on the other hand, at first seems the radical opposite.

Grunge, also a music based subculture, was created in Seattle in the 90s, although there is evidence to support that grunge type sounds have been around prior to the 90s in the form of bands such as Flipper and Green River. Nevertheless, grunge was popularized by bands such as Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden and Alice In Chains, becoming huge throughout the beginning to the middle of the decade. Amongst the members of Gen X who participated in the scene, the unfashion and sonic elements of grunge was influenced by feelings of directionless and lack of hope for the future, as the workforce at the time was still dominated by boomers who refused to leave space for Gen X. These historical components can be seen the deliberately slovenly fashion of grunge adherents in the form of flannel shirts, t shirts and ripped jeans, many Nirvana lyrics being purposely directionless to represent such feelings by Kurt Cobain, and an overall reclaiming of the stigma of poverty to combat the material excessiveness of the 80s. Grunge, as a sound, varies from the punk sounds of Mudhoney, alternative rock such as Nirvana, sludgy metal in the form of The Melvins, Soundgarden and Alice In Chains to an evenly sounded Mother Love Bone, but can be best described as a mix between Punk and Metal.

According to many goths and punks around at grunge’s rise to popularity, grunge was an especially disliked scene, due to the punks feelings of many grunge kids being the same individuals who bullied and ostracized the alternative crowd of the 80s, and would have done the same to Kurt Cobain had he never became famous, along with many goths and punks disliking the toxic masculinity displayed by grunge adherents in fashion and behavior, especially in regards to many hair metal bands going in a grunge direction.

Grunge has been documented and dissected, much to the dismay of those involved, since the beginning. The most famous example of this phenomenon is Marc Jacobs Perry Ellis fashion “grunge” runway of 1992-1993, reportedly so disliked it was burned by Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love, along with causing Jacobs to be fired by Perry Ellis, due to an increasing concern of the commercialization of grunge that it never really recovered from to this day, another stark contrast it has from goth. If you look up grunge now on the internet, you will find a warped idea of grunge in the form of expensive fast fashion brands and clothing, Instagram accounts featuring hyper sexualized depictions of vaguely alternative women and the remaining devotees of true grunge culture in the form of old men and young people alike on the internet posting of bands like Nirvana.

At first glance, especially looking at the masculine sides of grunge, that goth and grunge are inherently incompatible, and due to grunge’s popularity eating at the goth scenes previous dominance in youth culture of yesteryear. But, I would like to offer a different argument from an angle no one has quite considered. The feminine elements of grunge.

Kinderwhore, is a variant of grunge fashion worn by women in grunge bands and within grunge scenes that was created by Kat Bjelland of Babes in Toyland and popularized by Courtney Love.

Where exactly Kinderwhore gets its name is unknown, likely due to the lack of documentation of the writings of women journalists in a patriarchal world, but we can best guess the name comes from the fashions tendency to deliberately subvert gender roles in a unique manner. The fashion revolves around purposely inflating traditional, girlish fashions to cartoonish levels, and then subverting them via aggressive, masculine behavior to avoid potential insecurities. Meaning, many women in grunge bands who dressed kinderwhore would always be as aggressive on stage as the men, oftentimes singing feminist lyrics.

The fashion itself revolves around babydoll dresses, slip dresses and Mary janes or combat boots, along with ripped tights, chokers, leather jackets, cardigans and dresses with lace details or Peter Pan collars.

Kinderwhore is related to riot grrl, which is a subset of punk that was underground in the 90s in contrast to punk, but some within the grunge scene, especially Courtney Love, rejected and denied her work being riot grrl in the first place. If one sees riot grrls middle class origins, white feminism, exclusionary behavior towards trans women, and superficial lyrical and social attitudes, it’s easy to see why many within punk and grunge scenes would want to distance themselves from it. That being said, riot grrls only contribution worth noting to punk was it’s push towards inclusiveness to women due to punk growing increasingly misogynistic and unsafe for women in the 80s, and its efforts have done the most to make punk a better space for women.

What attracts many goths to goth fashion is a deliberate subversion of gender and gender roles in the form of its visuals. Many goths, men and women, would both wear makeup and dress masculine or feminine as they desired, especially due to goth’s acceptance of those deemed “different” by broader society. With keeping in mind to Kinderwhore, a fashion style that also revolves around subverting gender expectations, it is to be expected that among women of goth and grunge, a meeting was destined to take place. Among the women of 90s goth, it was common for them to combine goth fashion with kinderwhore looks.

In the 90s new wave bands such as Strawberry Switchblade, and deathrock bands such as Cinema Strange have experimented with Kindergoth (kinderwhore + goth) looks, that ultimately led designers such as Anna Sui sending her team to scout goth clubs to take inspiration for designs for future garments that would oftentimes be out of reach for many goths due to lack of affordability for the working class individuals in the scene.

With all these examples in terms of visuals, goth and grunge inspired looks is a feasible venture provided it is put under feminine lenses. Many attempts have been made by those who understand neither scene to create a “grunge goth” hybrid, as seen in many online accounts and opportunistic business ventures by outsiders, but a true grunge goth fusion would combine goth fashion with the ever subversive kinderwhore fashion, its legacy seen in many online aesthetics including the Morute aesthetic, a sister aesthetic subculture used primarily as a means of coping with childhood trauma via the means of girlish femininity combined with grunge and American gothic encapsulated by the works of Nicole Dollanganger and an assortment of women photographers on tumblr and beyond.

Sonically, there can be a case for similarities between goth and grunge. Both use a distorted bass, use vocals that howl and scream and punk like guitars. With these similarities in mind, I believe it is feasible for a grunge/deathrock hybrid band to exist, but as of this writing I cannot find a band that has done this. Perhaps some day.

Sources:

Some wear leather some wear lace by Andi Harriman

https://youtu.be/peEUXhCY8lY by Angela Benedict and the comments cited

My dad, a true grunger :)

Various accounts from old punks on Reddit on r/punk

Marc Jacobs’s Perry Ellis Grunge Show: The Collection That Sent a Electric Shock Through '90s Fashion | Vogue

[winoiwinyl]

"You are your own home" -Bianca Sparacino, "The Strength In Our Scars"

[winoiwinyl]

Najzabawniejsza rzecz, którą powiedziała mi moja psycholog, po tym jak rozmawiałyśmy na temat moich myśli samobójczych:

„Już nigdy nie będziesz mogła zjeść swojego ulubionego jedzenia jeśli to zrobisz”

LASKA ZŁA PUBLIKA XDDDDDD

#eating diary #chce byc motylkiem #chce widzie? ko?ci #tw ed things #chce być idealna #tw ed behavior #anorex1a #chce być lekka #chce schudnac #chce widzieć kości #nie chce jeść #skip dinner get thinner #ana thoughts #anarexja

[winoiwinyl]

Znów wracam. Myślę, że powinno to być przestrogą dla wszystkich co chcą zacząć z aną. Nic mnie już nie trzyma, nie mam nikogo kto mógłby mnie trzymać przy życiu, nie mam już nic, dlatego znów zaczynam. Nie wiem czy będę aktywna. Z reszta watpię że moi starzy obserwatorzy wciąż tu są, część się poddała, części pewnie już z nami nie ma.

Bardzo mi przykro, że jesteście na tej stronie tumbr’a. Pamiętajcie, wszyscy zasługujecie na zdrowe życie, nawet jeśli myślicie że jest na odwrót. Jeśli potrzebujecie rozmowy piszcie na pv!❤️

Powodzenia motylki 🦋💙

#eating diary #chce byc motylkiem #chce widzie? ko?ci #tw ed things #chce być idealna #tw ed behavior #anorex1a #chce być lekka #chce schudnac #chce widzieć kości #nie chce jeść #skip dinner get thinner #ana thoughts #anarexja

[winoiwinyl]

Podziwiam ludzi, którzy wstają rano z myślą „zrobie coś pożytecznego”, albo „nowy dzień! Dam rade”. Widzę masę ludzi, którzy mimo chorób psychicznych są w stanie wstać rano i umyć zęby, czy przeżyć bez tabletek, wymiotowania po każdym posiłku, są w stanie wyjść z łóżka, poćwiczyć.

Proszę powiedzcie jak? Jak to zrobić? Sama nie pamiętam już jak

.🦋💙

#depressing post #chce widzie? ko?ci #chce byc motylkiem #chce być idealna #chce być lekka #chce schudnac #chce widzieć kości #nie chce jeść

[winoiwinyl]

Chyba nikt się nie spodziewał, że wrócę po takim czasie i chyba już mało kogo to interesuje, ale jestem

Jeśli ktokolwiek potrzebuje jakiejś pomocy czy rozmowy to piszcie śmiało. Postów pewnie nie będę wrzucać tak często jak kiedyś, ale od czasu do czasu coś się pojawi

Miłej nocy motylki 🦋💙

[winoiwinyl]

(Bilans z wczoraj!)

Limit: 200

Zjedzone: 191

Zastanawiam się czy nie poleciec od poniedziałku z dieta która kiedyś robiłam

Zasady:

Przynajmniej 20 minut ćwiczeń na dniach bez fasta

Na fascie nie ćwiczyć (spacery są okej)

2 litry wody dziennie

Trzy kubki zielonej herbaty w ciagu dnia

Wzięłam tą dietę z jakiegoś bloga którego nazwy już nie pamiętam, to było bardzo dawno. Jeśli ktoś jest chętny robić ta dietę ze mną i wspierać się w niech śmiało piszcie!

Powodzenia motylki 🦋💙

#eating diary #chce byc motylkiem #chce widzie? ko?ci #tw ed things #tw ed behavior #tw ed content #tw ed stuff #tw eating stuff #chce być lekka #chce być idealna #chce widzieć kości #chce schudnac #chce widziec swoje kosci

[winoiwinyl]

Kurwa moja mama powiedziała mi że za dużo jem, w RESTAURACJI i że nie będzie za mnie płacić. Także od dzisiaj postaram się regularnie wrzucać bilans i lecimy znów z dieta 200kcal.

Trzymajcie kciuki motylki 💙🦋

#eating diary #chce byc motylkiem #chce widzie? ko?ci #chce widzieć kości #nie chce jeść #chce być lekka #chce być idealna #chce schudnac #nie jestem głodna #tw ed things #tw ed behavior #tw ed content #tw ed stuff

[winoiwinyl]

Reblog if you started worrying about your weight before you were fourteen.

[winoiwinyl]

💙🦋.

Reblog to tell your followers it's okay if they eat. You deserve food and you deserve to have the foods you enjoy.

[winoiwinyl]

therapist: how was your week?

me: mm.. i can’t remember

[winoiwinyl]

Moja mama była wczoraj na zakupach. Jakie to zajebiste uczucie, kiedy powiedziała że kupiła mi sukienkę, a na metce było XXS

#skip dinner get thinner #tw ed behavior #chce byc motylkiem #chce widzie? ko?ci #chce widzieć kości #tw ed things #tw ed content