zerotwo-hdc

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You know when you have this sudden breakdowns at this kind of time (1:42). When all of your worries were occurring, running inside your mind and all you could ever do is... cry.

One thing is, I just realized how heavy these thoughts are, that myself is carrying. And that I questioned myself why, and how come I handled all of this stuff.

I pray, I can overcome each and every.

And I pray, that who's ever reading this, will overcome their own breakdowns and may you be healed. And I wrote this to tell you, You are not alone.❣

#positivity #breakdown time #thoughts

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Coffee + Work

Coffee before, during and after work. Eyyy.

Piece of advice: do not follow😂

#caffeine #coffee addict #school work

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Dream, I controlled.my dream😅

Yeah, I just woke up and I didn't want to forget what happened. However, it was a dream that I think I dreamt of it before😅 it was really weird.

So here's what happened, I am with my friends, fg excluding the one who is above already. We are with Sarah Geronimo. HAHA. I thought of vlogging that time, so I took up my phone and started to take a video of us. The content of course has something to do with Sarah, she's a singer and an actress! So I took the chance.

Me: "Are you really Sarah Geronimo? The singer?"

Sarah: "Yes, I am" she said it in a casual way, looking at her dress. Yea, she was holding a black dress. Backless with yellow roses covering the top portion. It was only above the knee. After some time, her husband, Matteo showed up with suit, then they joined the video. Before ending it, they showed sweet gestures to each other.

Not to mention, we are in a wedding. That time, it was the wedding of Matteo, with another woman. 😅 I didn't see the woman, it was like she's not an important part of the story, she was a blur. It was an arranged marriage to a family of high class, I think it was nearly a royal family. We were in a luxurious hotel, I think its the reception because there are a lot of people eating. We were in our ordinary clothes then.

You know how dreams are weird, once we went down on the base of the hotel where Matteo passed by, our clothes became formal, I am still with my friends. Once we got down, Yvan is the one getting married. Yes, Yvan Sarol Tundagui😂😅 still, we don't know the woman, she was the one who belonged in a high class. But Yvan's father that time is not as rich as the girl's family. I don't really remember but he got embarrassed most of the time because the girl's dad and relatives are giving him a hard time. I mean, they asked where are his part of the wedding, the payments, the pig, (I don't know why a pig is required, but its a wedding and I think it has something to with our culture here in Banaue), and others. As for us, we thought it was just a normal marriage and we were aware of it being an arranged one, and the groom has someone he really loves. And so, the wedding goes on, we were eating and watching which eventually became a jamming, they played songs and we sang along, asking each table there which songs they prefer. When it's our turn to choose, we chose the song, One Day. Actually, I did. Me, being half awake thought of that song. Sadly, they don't have it. After some time, we felt the gap between us and the family, we are being discriminated, the high class and the low class😅

They had this conversations na sinasadya nilang iparinig samin, sinasabing we don't belong there. We stayed silent and observed. Of course I can't, we can't accept this treatment.

"Eto ba? Eto bang pamilya ang napangasawa niyan?"

My dream shifted, from being with my friends to me being alone and helping in the kitchen. As of controlling my situation, hindi ako nagpatalo sa treatment nila. From being a guest, I became a worker. The father of the bride is the one evil, the one who discriminates. At first, I was answering him back in my head. Pero sumosobra na siya, sabi ko sa dream ko. I told you, I am in control of my dream. I made myself answering back the "almost" king, they are really mayaman you know.

He was in the kitchen, I was about to eat and have my rest but I have to wash the dishes because it needs to be done. Once I finished, he came and shouting saying that what are we doing ? We should be working because there are a lot of guests. I turned around to face him and I answered back, he became silent for a moment then went near me. I don't know what exactly happened but I know, I controlled myself back then to fight back. He was I think suppoesed to hit me but as I said, I was controlling. Iniwasan ko yung sampal niya which made him froze for a while. Never thought that someone will talk back and fight back. I am not afraid of his wealth and stand. In my thought is that, this is not right. Someone has ro fight back. I was half awake. After thinking of that, I woke myself up. I was aware that it was a dream. But I am really half awake. My dream even had a subtitle but I can't read there. I remembered reading something like, you can't read in your dreams. And I proved it two times already. Now, I will wait of having a dream that incluses reading.

9:44 am.

1:04 am, 02-34-21. I edited this and realized that I think we don't really control our dreams. It's just that we know and expect what we will do when we are in that situation. If not, then I think we can somehow control our dreams when half awake, butr connot control it entirely.

#deams #sleep

[zerotwo-hdc]

What did I say about being kind?

I'm in the point of my life wherein I let people come and let them go. It's their choice.

I don't know what I'm doing but I'm always misinterpreted.

I'm being friendly but they get it in another level. Then at the end it's friendship over

What did I say about attachments Aie? People will always leave, keep that in mind.

What did I say about being kind? Don't, just don't.

No next attachments, it will hurt.

Hehe. Ganun ba talaga. Di ako namamansin minsan but it doesn't mean na nifriefriendship over ko kayo. Just ask me why or at least self-reflect. Di naman ako mananahimik ng walang dahilan, di naman ako iiwas kung trip ko lang. I'm sorry for being silent when I saw something I didn't like. I'm sorry for being silent when I'm not in the mood. I'm sorry. But I think I will leave this time.

#KeepGoing

#keepgoing

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Caffeine addict

My coffee tastes so good in my not so favorite mug. Well we have our favorite mugs

But the coffee is just so❣.

I just love coffee☕❣

-Aie

#coffetime #coffee #peace

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Commitment

Ang hirap pala. When you're still fixing yourself while loving someone else. Not that we're still stuck on our past relationships but it is when we are still healing, we are having time for ourselves, and we are still looking for this self-love but then we ended up loving someone that we don't want to lose. Because they made us feel that they would pull us out on our own miseries.

But... it is hard. When you're still dealing with your flaws at the same time saving the relationship. We all know that in a commitment, it is not always happy. You fight, you fix. Until you both feel like giving up.

This is an advice people, don't enter a commitment when you still have something to deal with yourselves alone. However don't leave the rs, if it is already there, while healing yourself. Please. Always give chances, until it saves you both. But if, and only if, it is already toxic and you need to breathe, do so.

-Aie

#commitment

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Sa Kabilang Buhay - bandang lapis

I was listening to this song and syempre mag-iisip na naman ako. Baka Aie to.

Okay, here. This song reminded me that we don't hold our own time. We could leave anytime. Our friends, families, loved ones will soon leave us permanently. What's sad about that is the people who were left behind. They will be left with memories of that person, they will miss that person and they can't do anything about it but to cry and remember the good old times, the regrets and the decisions we should have made for that person before he/she left. We wished that we did something to at least made her feel happy.

Know what? I'm scared of leaving this world permanently. Because I know how how it hurts to be one of those who will be left behind. The pain is unbearable and it will last long. I don't want my loved ones to feel that, I don't want them to regret too much and I don't want to hurt them by leaving. But then, it is unpredictable, isn't it?

Those who passed will be with the Father who created us. And that's their peace. The ones left, "peace" would be convincing ourselves that you, up there is already at peace.

This is also an eye opener, don't you think?

#hdc

#music #ppop #philippines

[zerotwo-hdc]

And so, I was eating this when thinking why I'm losing interest in everything.

I'm not sure of what I'm feeling. I'm not stressed at the moment. It's just that, my interests were high to I'm not interested at all. I start something that motivates me then tomorrow, I'm lazy to do it anymore. Like, idk. What would I do with my life. The direction is a blur.

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Wake me up at 1:15

Didn't have a picture so I'll just tell a story😂

"Wake me up at 1:15 pm" my dad told us before having a nap. I was reading in the kitchen.

And so, 1:15 came and my sister told me to wake dad up. I went near him shouting "pa" because I thought he was awake a few minutes ago. But he didn't move so I went to shake him but he suddenly woke up and startled me. Well, it was effective. 🤦‍♀️😑

[zerotwo-hdc]

Shoes

I've got matching shoes with my mame. Tho, we ordered different colors, mine should be sliver, but this is cool too.

She came home and said that we look good in it. Why? Because we are both short in height. She even called us cute. 😂😂😂 Then said, "Totoo naman kasi. Pag nakakita ka ng matangkad, mamamangha ka pero pag pandak nakita mo, makyukyutan ka" 🤣 She said it in our language tho, I just translated it in Filipino.

#lazada

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Early

I really don't like going home early from a party with my friends. Its always like that and I always miss the fun parts.

But at the back of my mind, maybe, it is still not the right time. I'm always hoping that I can stay longer than usual. I really miss them. I miss everything, I miss the fun, the freedom, the happiness. But all I could say at the end is "enjoy"... :(

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Story Behind Being a Virtual Student

It was just like the earth became another world. From traditional learning to virtual learning, from being a human student to a virtual student. Nope, we didn’t become robots but we look like we did. It was a new adjustment for everyone, from the workers, teachers, students and to the people. We switched from buying notebooks to buying gadgets, getting allowance to getting internet connections and going to school to staying at home.

Studying at home doesn’t make us being just a student but we are also a child having responsibilities at home. I thought it was just like going to school regularly but no, we need now to consider the chores we do at home. Looking at my parents doing the household chores that we should be the ones doing is not a good image to me, especially that my mother also have works to attend to. Most of the students now enrolled for the reason of not being delayed in education and I am one of them. Then I realized that the point of education now is that those who can only afford online classes and those who have stable connections can pursue their education. It is not the school that was at fault but the pandemic we are facing. It is not only the students who are suffering but also the teachers, we know. As for me, it was somehow successful. My grades are not that high even in classroom-based learning but it became very low during this online classes. Home-based learning is limited, and radiation adds up to a stressful mind and tired eyes. Lack of materials to use as laptops and internets also demotivate us in learning.

Switching from classroom-based education to online learning still needs a huge adjustment to everyone and it needs more time. Learning with the interactions of other people, walking to school, running for the elevator and sneaking in when late is different from working overnight and waking up early, late breakfasts and stressful minds. Learning online is way far different from learning face to face, more subjects online leads to more sleepless nights. I don’t seem to understand why it became more difficult to learn online when it is the same as learning. Personally, maybe not all are like me, but this online learning is not for me. It caused laziness and absent-minded brains because of lack of sleep and cramming. Instead of learning step by step or subject per subject, we worry on a lot of things at the same time. We have a subject full of activities and noted that I have more subjects than my classmates which makes me to have more activities than them. When we focus on one, we cannot avoid worrying about how to accomplish the next ones. It is really difficult. Though we have schedules, our time to finish them exceeds. Our brains can’t handle a lot of activities simultaneously without having a rest. I don’t know but learning online didn’t go well with me. Looking at my classmates, it seems like some can handle but they still have rants, well that will always come.

The school should still maintain the purpose of education and that is for the students to learn and not just to survive every semester without retaining the lessons. Another hard thing in online learning is not having a book as reference. Online sources without powerpoints or summaries of the teacher somehow gave us a hard time understanding it. As much as I want to understand the teacher’s perspective, I still seem to not understand the way that they send links and videos without the teacher’s own notes. I mean most of the teachers send their notes, how come some of them does not. Although we have the freedom to ask and somehow state our suggestions, it still takes courage to do it. In virtual learning, we cannot hear to ourselves how teachers explain, and how they make us understand the lessons in their own way of teaching which stays in our memories. Thankful though, we have understanding and considerate teachers too.

What developed in me during this pandemic is to be cautious at all times and with this new type of learning, time management and rest is important. Time management in a way that we should avoid procrastinating ourselves. What needs to be done should be done. However, I cannot blame others and myself for delaying some of my activities because physically and mentally, we cannot cope up. Rest is really important for us to keep going. Yes, we have a lot of things to do and we have deadlines to chase but we cannot accomplish anything without rest. Self-advice, it is better to submit late that not having to submit anything at all, so take time to rest. Health is more important after all, so don’t die learning.

While virtually learning, I always hear news of people suffering and dying, it made me realize that there are people who are also suffering more than us, the people who can’t continue learning and the people who faces shortage of supplies. These sometimes motivated me to survive this semester because I really gave up, I’m just finishing the activities left so finally I can have my brain rested. As I was thinking of my rest, I silently pray for those people who never gave up to continue and they kept going despite the struggles. I know that I am not the only one suffering and I am well aware that we all need rest. However, to help my parents since one of them doesn’t have a permanent job, I think I will pause my studies and let my siblings pursue theirs. Also, I think I really need this rest or I will really fail the next school year. My brain is not in condition to handle all of the subjects. As I have discovered also in this school year that there can be alternatives to do during this pandemic. My education may be delayed, but will not be stopped.

The importance of learning online somehow taught me personal lessons and not just the lessons given by the subjects. Life is never easy and adaptability is the key to survive. Studying online consumes more time than entering the school. We lose time for ourselves which is a negative effect or maybe it was just me that didn’t have time for myself. But it also challenged me somehow. This is just an insight of a virtual student, I hope to get insights about virtual teachers too.

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Never be Fooled

It takes a matter of trust and research to be mindful and be aware of rumors that are masked to be true. Why are fake news spreading and why are people fooled? Find the source, know the author.

Were you a victim of fake news? Ever believed or shared these things? If you were/have, how did it affect your point of view? Fake news will always destroy the perspectives of individuals. A single untrue issue can rise bullies and bashers which affects the lives of the people involved. It can destroy reputations and lifestyles. We all take part in this, as people in the community, we should also be mindful of what we share and what we should believe.

It can also cause a life of a person incase fake medicines are shared and incase it will push a person to commit this thing called self-crime. Also, in our situation now, it is an advantage for those people who make counterfeit medicines and products for money. For our safety, we should not buy medicines from anyone.

In politics, people sometimes focus more on the issues rather than the politicians' achievements. Keep in mind that everyone in politics are different. They also have things they have done for the country. In sports and entertainments, it can affect their reputations and destroy their dreams and careers. However this doesn’t happen in famous and known people only, everyone can become a subject for fake news. As individuals, it is not our part to get involved in other people's lives but it is our part to defend if needed and it is our duty to stand for the truth. Instead of talking about rumors, let's just focus on informational and educational contents.

Fake news can be deceiving. It is our responsibility to know it's source to avoid being a victim. We should also not be part of the bashers or creators who would spread rumors to gain attention. Social media is to spread awareness for safety, spread news to be informed, entertainments and other businesses. It is not a platform to destroy lives.

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Just Try

It was a subject in school called online journalism and we were required to make a youtube channel in our own preference of contents but something productive. It was not a thing that I am capable of making but I did it so, it was a dance tutorial and I admit that I had fun in the process. I danced in every angle possible with a great background then edited it, made a slow motion version and I'm done. Though it took some time for us to have a final video that can be good for editing.

When our teacher said that we will have to make a video, the first thing that came to my mind is the place where I can take my videos, and I chose where we consider our second home. The view there is refreshing and there’s a good place for dancing. So we thought that the audience might focus more on my background and not on the dance tutorial. One thing that I will face as a problem would be on how to edit the video for I am not that good. However, it was successfully done and I thank my sibling for being with me to help.

It made me realize that even with this situation, we can have fun in the process. I realized that I can do things like this, making tutorials and editing videos. Doing something you love, like dancing can really help relieve stress. Personally, I am really down because of this online class for I have more subjects than my classmates and then there was a required activity to create a video which I thought will make things worst, I'm running out of time. But then during the process of my videos, it was a relief for me. I think I would continue uploading new videos if granted the time. Also, I realized that we just have to try doing something that we thought we are not capable of. It is a great experience especially that I have my family and friends' support.

This photo was taken after taking my videos.

Thank you for reading.

-Aie

#insight #school