myfuturehappiness

[myfuturehappiness]

We can't read a person's script of pain, we don't have a photo album of everyone's memories, or take a pill that gives us the ability to mind read. Everyone has scars we can't see, be more patient, gentle and have empathy. The stars feel small to the moon but both are beautiful. Don't compare yourself to others and don't bring down anyone.

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[myfuturehappiness]

This isn't living, this is just breathing with memories being erased from the script. Please keep him forever in my heart.

#queen of tears #poetry #poem #writing #poets #writers #kdrama

[myfuturehappiness]

Becoming my favorite drama ever

Queen of Tears: This couple is the most destined destiny that ever destined

Lay it on even thicker! I dare you. Show us 60 past lives where they married each other. I'm ready for it. I'll eat it right up. I'm with you.

[myfuturehappiness]

This next chapter is for me.

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[myfuturehappiness]

I make everyone safe around me but I'm in the middle of the fire and no one tries to extinguish the pain.

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[myfuturehappiness]

Stop leaning on me, I can barely keep myself up

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[myfuturehappiness]

Maybe I was selfish and accepted to be needed but they ran away when I thought throwing my dreams in the trash was enough for them. All I wanted was someone by my side.

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[myfuturehappiness]

I've been suppressing myself to stitch and pick everyone else up. Why do I have to drop everything, rebuild everything, be the answer, keep peeling another layer off of me. I'm withered, burnt out, and lost. But no one asks if I'm okay, just throws more of their complaints, struggles and pain at me with no space to breathe, so I become cold. I never had time for myself or to analyze my scars, just trapped in a jar. I don't want anyone clinging to me, or make rounds taking on the toxic stream that always overflows. I no longer want to work the hardest, be reliable, be the one that borrows money to people, takes in vent sessions like I'm a punching bag or overcommunicates in a storm. I'm tired of the black smoke, I don't want to be their reusable band-aid and be on call anymore. I can't even heal myself, stop asking me to fix you. I'm done being someone that is needed by others. My battery is drained, I'm running away where no one knows me. I'm going to travel as a wild flower and find what was taken away from me.

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[myfuturehappiness]

Hold onto me

Can't you see I'm barely hanging on. I'm tired of pretending I'm happy, that I'm not in pain, and twinkling this fake persona. Can you hold onto me? Here I go again foolishly turning my back on you and placing the distance back. But I don't think I have the strength anymore to keep pushing you away, I'm walking towards you drenching in fear. This ice queen tears have melted her soul and now the veil of coldness and care is no longer hidden, you can see through me. The hate I have for you was really just wanting you to not leave me alone in this melancholy lake of loss. Can you hold onto me? I wanted to give you everything and now we're strangers. I wanted you to never give up on me, but I stabbed you. This feeling has me drinking and crawling to your room, but I can't open the door. I miss you so much that it hurts. I thought you wanted to throw me away, but you're crying yourself to sleep every night. This loneliness is bullet snowflakes shooting into my heart, am I dying? Be my furnace, and I will never make you cry again. You are my chemotherapy, you are the only one keeping me from giving up. I can't be without you anymore, my emotions are raining down and the storm can't be controlled. The flower petals are swaying with the wind and I cry "you are my home, so please hold onto me."

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[myfuturehappiness]

Broken crayons still color, so this lost purpose can still be found.

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[myfuturehappiness]

All we do is sit in silence, looking for a sign. Deep think about the feelings that we hide, medicate on the pride that overdoses loneliness into our restless minds.

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[myfuturehappiness]

Sometimes the loneliness swings back to me, I get these bad flashbacks. Deep in my head, I want an angel to wrap his gentle heated furnace arms around me while we are looking at the cherry blossoms, I want that connection attached like the oceans. It’s odd because I never felt affection in a relationship, or even my childhood. It was violence, no attachment, along with verbal abuse and aggressive sex. I was placed on this swing where I never reciprocated positive energy or the ardor. I had to isolate myself because I was getting too comfortable with the insults and pain, worth wasn’t something built in me, everything taken away from me. While in solitude I got to comfortable too, my pride overflowed and I didn’t want to leave my bubble, fear and depression was at the surface. Leaving my apartment gave me stress, human interaction streamed anxiety through my bloodstream and compliments left me confused. I feel like a new species with a new body, a new heart, a new mind. My worth and integrity are a crown and I speak up, not get kicked to my knees. I found my voice, the strength has been released, so don’t feel hurt when you can’t read me because I refuse to ever be nailed to that swing again. I jumped, took the nails out, let myself bleed, then heal, analyze and understand that I control the narrative now. The trauma happened but I won’t let it restrain me no more.

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[myfuturehappiness]

Can you love me, be my friend without placing me on egg shells.. My past has been full of restraints, control, being trapped in a haunted house. I want to feel whole and free. Can I live and do all the things I want to do with you being added to my castle filled with my identity and all the parts of me or do I need to be lonely and in silence.

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[myfuturehappiness]

Dear Younger Self

Dear younger self,

Live. Don't be afraid. Have confidence, take risks, glide with your feelings. Have fun, but finish those goals. Don't fall into the trends, the opinions, what others do or be who others want you to be. Don't listen to the negativity, don't let anyone put you in a certain bracket or turn your dreams into embers. If something brings you joy or makes you smile embrace that and never let it go. Most importantly don't ever let someone diminish you or determine your worth. Block those words out and always stand up for yourself. Don't settle for something that doesn't make your heart race. Don't wait for the sun to rise, create your own light and your purpose will construct off that. Don't ever wait, every second is an opportunity to end your trauma and build your empire. So LIVE.

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[myfuturehappiness]

sometimes nostalgia keeps us from seeing our destiny,

by laurenmaerie, gone

[myfuturehappiness]

Love me without making me walk on egg shells.

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[myfuturehappiness]

Consideration has limits

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