#& well i miss audio books generally honestly i should get back into audio books. i used to listen to wayyyy more of those

[humanmorph]

i never really understood the appeal of podfics but if i'm being real wire guy is like. yes i would like to have it read to me

#i think because with rereading it's easier to skip over stuff even when i don't actually want to... #& well i miss audio books generally honestly i should get back into audio books. i used to listen to wayyyy more of those #now it's just podcasts. #i'm just pretty picky regarding narrators. + i do just like reading words i can't think of a book i'd rather listen to of the top of my hea #maybe some nostalgia stuff like things i listened to on cassettes when i was a kid. some michael ende probably. but beyond that... #rosa rambles #unrelated to either of these things but i have 10 tabs open to edit sth of the fatt.wiki. source editing. hellish #i think i'm getting somewhere though. do still need to take my walk though #.... got extremely sidetracked it's been an hour since i started writing this post

[theonewiththefanfics]

Would You Be My Little Quarantine (one-shot)

Synopsis: As the mandatory quarantine hits, the Reader is stuck in a cabin in Utah with the boys from 5 Seconds of Summer. Turns out another person is stuck in a hotel nearby. Hijinx ensue as does romance. 

Pairing: Harry Styles x f!Reader

Genre: fluff pretty much just pure, teeth-rotting fluff.

Warnings: it’s my first time writing for Harry as I was never really part of the fandom, but damn does Watermelon Sugar do things to a person, so please be kind. This is defo not my best work, but I’m slowly getting back into the groove of things, so bare with me :D

Word count: 6061

        TikTok had become Y/N’s new obsession. She’d stayed away from it as long as she could, being a true Vine generation child, she felt loyalty to the deceased app. But one night, after a long recording session, she caved. And then stayed giggling on it until the early morning when the birds started to chirp… or until Calum had taken her phone and threatened to throw it in the jacuzzi if she didn’t go to bed. 

        The girl and the four guys from 5 Seconds of Summer had been renting a cabin in the middle of the Utah woods to help them escape the distractions of the city as they recorded their respective albums, and given how they were good friends, they decided to collaborate on a few songs, and it made sense to just chill together as well.

        Which had started off Y/N’s own TikTok series, having ‘borrowed’ the idea from the Irishman living with two girls.

        “Alright, gentlemen.” She slid inside her bathroom pulling the focus of her camera on the reflection in the mirror. “I live with four guys, and I have some things to say. Why do you always, and I mean ALWAYS, leave your socks around the house? The dirty ones. You know you could just throw them in the wash… there’s an idea.”

        “We do!” Calum yelled

        Y/N turned her face to the door and hollered, “Only after I’ve asked you to!”

        “Do not!” he countered.

        “Do too!” she exited the bathroom and into the hallway only to be met with the man standing there with his hands on his hips. “Then how.” Y/N pointed the camera towards the living area you could see from where the hallways overlooked the room. “Do you explain that?” And when she zoomed in, there, in a small pile laid two brown socks, all crumpled up and almost pushed underneath one of the three couches, as if someone was trying to hide them from sight.

        Calum stammered for a bit. “Those are NOT mine.”

        Y/N flipped the camera and looked at it like they do in the Office. “Help me,” she mouthed and finished the TikTok, pointing with her hand at him. “Ya disgustin’!”

        Just as maturely as she had reacted, so did Calum by crossing his arms and sticking his tongue out, but their little bickering about whose socks they were and whose job was it to put them in the dirty wash (they were Ashton’s, and it was his job), Luke poked Y/N’s side as he came out from his room. 

        “I know might seem weird, but is there any chance another person could join our quarantine group?”

        Y/N’s eyebrows rose. Sure, the house was giant, mostly because whatever production she was a part of on Broadway, after a successful season, she invited all of them there to get away from the bustle of New York and just chill. It was in the middle of the forest, encased by gorgeous mountains and at the side of a lake where they’d go jet skiing and cliff diving.

        “I thought people can’t visit one another?”

        “They can’t,” Luke confirmed. “That’s the point. The unfortunate soul just got stuck at a hotel not too far from here, and all the flights are cancelled. Two weeks of quarantine without symptoms have been concluded, but, knowing how impossible it’d be to get to London, when you know, as I said, there are no flights, I offered a place to stay.”

        “So,” Y/N dramatically rolled her head. “You already offered to stay before asking me?”

        “Well, I knew you’d say ‘yes’ because you’re a kind, generous, amazing, smart, talented, compassionate person and wouldn’t leave someone on the streets when you know you could help.”

        “Mhm, keep talking.” Y/N squinted her eyes and put her hands on her hips.

        “Incredible, best musician I’ve ever met, how you haven’t won all of Tony’s I’ve got no idea. Your acting skills are impeccable and the movie industry is missing out on a once in a lifetime kind of a talent by not castin-“

        “Alright stop.” Y/N busted out laughing. “As long as you promise I won’t wake up with an axe in my head, ‘s fine.” 

        “Promise.”

        “Good. Also, could you please get me three bottles of that wine I like?” Y/N hollered before skipping downstairs and to the kitchen where Ashton was brewing the tenth cup of coffee. “I have a deadline in two weeks and have literally no idea where to go with the story.” She referred to the second book of her series she was writing, and now with the lockdown going on, her literary agent was breathing down her neck, and it didn’t help she hadn’t written anything in like a month and didn’t remember half of the already exiting story.

        Luke lifted a brow and hissed through his teeth. “That bad?”

        “You have no idea,” she sighed and left for the living-room where she could harass the boys for their fries and procrastinate some more. 

***

        The few hours, while Luke was away, were quite uneventful. All of them sat around on the couch pit, wrote some music, lil bit of lyrics and Y/N almost cried seeing as her characters had decided to live their own life and not obey to her story.

        “Why do you have to be such an idiot,” she mumbled under her breath and furrowed her brows as she wrote herself into a new plot hole.

        Right as Y/N was about to delete the whole chapter, the door slammed open and she heard grunting. “We’re here!” Luke hollered, and the thought of wine made her giddy, making her leap over the edge of the couch, and rush to the front door only to stop dead in her tracks. 

        Y/N’s mouth hung open, not because of who the person joining their quarantine group was, but because of what the person was. “A fifth GUY?! You didn’t tell me it’d be a guy!”

        “I didn’t think it’d matter!” Luke yelled back.

        “There’s already four of you!” She pointed back to the living room hearing loads of ‘hey!’ being shouted back.

        “Would you leave him on the streets if you’d known he was a dude?”

        “No, of course not!” 

        “Why are we yelling?”

        “I don’t know!”

        “I mean, I can leave.” Harry Styles said pointing at the door, not really knowing what to do. He certainly hadn’t expected that sort of greeting. “But I do come bearing gifts.” He lifted a black bag where a clinking of glass could be heard.    

        “No,” she sighed.  “It’s fine... I just… I just miss the company of vaginas.”

        He raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow. “Vaginas?”

        “People I can rant to. Honestly, it doesn’t even matter if you have a vagina, as long as we can have a good rant. Especially about the gross things like having all of your dirty socks thrown around the house.” She threw Luke a look that screamed ‘I know you pushed all of them under your bed, and it’s stinking up the whole place.’

        Harry shook his head. “Ya not gonna find me leaving my clothes like that. Besides, ‘s disgusting.”

        “No,” Luke whined, “come on, man! You’re supposed to be on our side!”

        “It’s two against four,” Harry snickered, throwing his hand around Y/N’s shoulder, who gave Luke a smug grin, and it made her mimic the same expression.

        “It’s evening out. Maybe you should actually invite some other people to quarantine with us. Say, Harry, is maybe Niall in need of a place to stay?”

        Luke rolled his eyes, and shook his head, going into the kitchen and placing the food bags he’d been holding. “I hate you so much.”

        Y/N’s smile just widened.         

        ***

        “Yes, I’m still stealing your series Irishman.” Y/N zoomed in on her face. “Because now…” she looked up at the ceiling in a manner ‘someone please save me’, “I’m living with FIVE dudes. Yes, FIVE. We have an addition. And if someone doesn’t come and kill me, I will kill them.”

        “We’re not that bad!” Michael hollered form out of frame, to which Y/N yelled back, “Yes the fuck you are! Boys are gross. You do realize you’re allowed to have more than one towel. Like you DON’T have to wipe your face with a towel that’s soaked up your ball juice.”

        “It’s economy.”

        “It’s disgusting! Also.” Y/N turned the camera to Harry who was climbing up the stairs with a cup of coffee in hand. “Say ‘Hi’ to gremlin number five. He’s stolen all of my nail polish.”

        He gave a cute wave with an adorable smile, muttering an unintelligible ‘Hello’ as his mouth was stuffed with a piece of bread and a very muffled ‘You don’t even use them.’

        “Yes, but that’s not the point. Anyway,” Y/N pointed the camera at herself. “Tune in for an update whenever, as long as I haven’t strangled anyone, and pray to the heavens you don’t see my face in the papers cause the next time you do, it’ll be my mugshot for a quintuple homicide.”

        “Is that a threat Y/L/N?” Harry smirked, as Y/N walked past him and took away his cup of coffee.

        “No, it’s a promise.” She threw him a wink, leaving the Brit with his mouth open at the woman’s audacity, as she stopped the recording of the TikTok.

        “That was my coffee!”

        “Not anymore!”

        He shook his head, turning back around and going to the kitchen, seeing Y/N perched on one of the stools, neck stretching over to where Ashton was watching a video on his phone, the black liquid in his cup now a creamy beige. Harry smiled. Maybe quarantine wasn’t going to be so bad.

***

        Y/N’s head popped from the side of the door, bringing all of their attention to her. “You guys need to record anything right now?”

        Luke shook his head, signifying the band was alright before turning to Harry who mimicked him, the tapping of his pen stopping. “Why?”

        “Just got a call from Laurence, he said something’s wrong with the ‘Candy Store’ audio from yesterday. Need to rerecord it and send it over. Something about a faulty export or whatever.”

        “ ‘S all yours.” Ashton motioned to the recording booth. “Oh, but can I be Heather Duke?”

        “And can I be Heather McNamara then?” Luke piped in.

        Y/N chuckled. “Not to burst your bubbles, but you do know you won’t be in the final version?”

        “No, but we could be in THIS version. It’d be for our private files. And it’d help you.”

        “That sounds so wrong.” She grimaced. “How would that help me?” Y/N plopped next to Harry on the floor. “You’re the biggest distractions I’ve ever met.”

        Luke scoffed. “How dare you! We offer you our services of being backup singers, and you… you’re such a meanie. You’re such a Heather Chandler!”

        “It’s 2020! If Leslie Odom Jr. can play Aaron Burr, then I can play one of the Heathers! Don’t be sexist, Y/N!”

        “I never said a dude can’t play a Heather, don’t put words in my mouth. I just said last time we tried to record anything together we ended up playing SIMS for like seven hours, but… come on you two divas, get your asses inside then. But I swear if Laurence or Kevin call because one of you whispered something dirty in the background of MY parts, I will strangle you in your sleep.”

        “How little trust do you have in us?”

        “Very,” Y/N deadpanned, showing the two men inside, leaving Calum, Harry and Michael to man the production table. “If you mess with anything, your asses will be grass.” She pointed at the three and all of them put their hands up in surrender. “ ‘S bad enough you ruined my single.”

        “It’s called giving it flavour,” Calum said through the microphone.

        Y/N just responded by sticking her tongue out.

        Michael lifted his fingers, counting down from five to one, giving her the cue to start.

        “Are we gonna have a problem?” Y/N cocked her head to the side, already immersed in the character of Heather Chandler. “You’ve got a bone to pick? You’ve come so far, why now are you pulling on my dick?”

        Harry swallowed hard. 

        “I’d normally slap your face off, and everyone here could watch,” she slightly motioned with her head to the audience behind the screen, a mockingly sweet smile on her lips. “But I’m feeling nice, here’s some advice, listen up biatch.”

        When her hips started moving from side to side to the rhythm of the song, Harry swore he’d never found someone being mean (even though it was mock mean) so hot.

        “I like,” Y/N raised her voice before dropping it. “Looking hot, buying stuff they cannot.”

        There was no sight of the sweet and bubbly girl Harry had met. This was Queen-B of Westerberg High in flesh. He was transfixed. 

“I like drinking hard, maxing dad’s credit card.”

She didn’t need anyone’s credit card to pay for her things, given how she was one of the top paid Broadway singers of their generation, and something in Harry skipped a beat at how confident she looked.

        “I like skipping gym, scaring her, screwing him,” Y/N rolled the ‘r’ deeply in her throat, and he had to collect himself before his thoughts went to an unsavoury place.

        “I like, killer clothes, kicking nerds in the nose!” With a smile, Y/N pointed at Luke who only rolled his eyes. “If you lack the balls, you can go play dolls, let yer mammy fix you a snack,” she emphasised the ‘K’ after having mockingly sung the bit before. “Or you could come smoke, pound some rum and coke, in ma Porche with the quarterback.”

        As weird as it was to have the two boys be her fellow Heathers, Y/N hated to admit it did help her. It reminded her more of what it was like to be on stage before the pandemic had started and the production had to be shut down. And she missed them. All her fellow actors just as much as she missed the rush of getting on stage and losing herself in the role and atmosphere. 

        “You can join the team –“

        “Or you can bitch and moan,” Y/N’s ‘Heathers’ sang in a nasally voice

        “You can live the dream.”

        “Or you can die alone.” 

        Harry snuck inside the recording booth, picking up a pair of headphones by the drum set.

        “You can fly with eagles,”

“Or if you’d prefer,”

        “Keep on testing me,”

        “And end up like her!”

        And that’s when Harry joined in, reciting the lines of both Veronica and Martha, and when he saw Y/N keeping a palm over her mouth as she tried to keep a mean face while inevitably hiding a smile. The whole of the song, despite how Ashton, Luke and Harry had tried to make Y/N break character (she came close a couple of times), the woman stayed on the line, not missing a beat, and especially enjoying the moment where she looked at Luke, who was about to hit the high note and screaming ‘shut up, Heather!’

        Harry couldn’t help the smile splitting apart his face. When Luke had first picked up his call, having known he and the gang were somewhere in the Utah region, he had thought he’d be living with just the guys, and when he found out it was actually Y/N Y/L/N renting the cabin, the girl he’d admired for so long for how brave and utterly unapologetic she was of being herself, Harry had just thought he’d gain a new friend, not have romantic feelings spring up.

        And all of it had happened in the span of two days, not even that much. He’d arrived the evening before, had met the woman, and now it was three PM on day two and was already in love. 

        It was an exhilarating and terrifying feeling all at once. Some studies said it takes men eight seconds to fall in love, which Harry now could pretty much confirm, while it takes women generally fifteen days to fall in love. And he could only hope Y/N might have some feelings for him as well, otherwise, he’d have to scold his heart for falling quickly once again. 

***

        It was the middle of the night, wind slamming against the windows when Harry got awoken by people talking behind his door. At first, he was ready to fight, thinking immediately that intruders had come into the house, but when he heard a ‘fuck off Michael’ and a ‘you fuck off, you’re gonna ruin this’, he understood everything was fine. And he was just about to lay back down on the soft pillows, but as the saying went – curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back, so he threw off the covers and lightly went to the door, where a bleary Harry appeared on the stairs making Y/N and Michael whip their heads towards him and freeze on the spot. 

        “What are you two do-“ but he didn’t get to finish the question as the two co-conspirators shushed him.

        “You’re either in,” Y/N whispered harshly, “or out. Choose Styles.”

        A beat. “What kind of trouble’re we getting’ into?”

        The smile which spread on her face was nothing short of wicked. “Revenge,” Y/N hissed.

        “Be quieter than a mouse,” she whispered to him, and now the trio moved downstairs.

        “Who are we getting revenge on?” Harry spoke as quietly as he could, as they rounded the corner and exited the cabin through the back door. It was colder than he thought, seeing how the wind wasn’t warm at all, and he was grateful he’d fallen asleep in his favourite rainbow cardigan. How Y/N and Michael didn’t even shiver in their barely-there pyjamas he didn’t understand. 

        “See, Luke here thought it was a good idea to not heed my warning about not messing with my recording.”

        Harry’s eyebrows scrunched up. “He didn’t.” He knew Luke hadn’t, he was there the whole time and listened back to what they’d sung with everyone together.

        “No, but he did rename a different file with the same name I had for the 'Heathers'' recording, on MY computer, mind you. And well, let’s just say, it was not what anyone wanted to hear.”

        Harry had to swallow, as his mind went to unsavoury places, and as Y/N shimmied open the lock of the window to the studio bathroom part of the house, she looked over her shoulder to see his expression. It would seem, despite him being in ‘Dunkirk’ and having been confirmed to play Eric in the live-action ‘The Little Mermaid’ he wasn’t as good of an actor as he thought.

        “Get your mind out of the gutter,” she snickered and pulled herself inside the house through the window, Michael handing her a black duffle bag Harry hadn’t first noticed. “It was a conversation I had with my friends while we were all drunk. Some tea, some very personal tea was spilt, and so.” She unzipped the bag slowly and took out a whipped cream can. “I’m going to spill something else.”

        Canned cheese was one of the most disgusting things ever created by a human in Y/N’s opinion. So, squeezing nine cans worth of the stuff inside all of Luke’s socks, jean pockets and everywhere else possible was good enough revenge for her.

        “Why are we in the studio though?” Harry asked as the trio crept towards the bathroom door and peeked through the open sliver. It was pitch black. 

        “Because Luke teds to forget his favourite things here,” Michael explained and motioned for them to follow as he checked that the hallway was clear. It was go-time. 

        Together they all snuck back inside the recording studio, and much like Michael had said – Luke’s favourite jean jacket, a woollen jumper, three pairs of boots and shoes were all scattered around the place. He hadn’t even noticed it while they’d hung out there, but now Harry understood what Y/N was talking about while whining about the boys being messy.

        She uncapped the can and squeezed, the artificial smell of cheese wafting through the air, making her almost gag. “That’s for being a bad friend,” she muttered while filling up one shoe. “That’s for making bad jokes.” She filled up another. “And that’s for saying ‘Dancing in the Moonlight’ is an overrated song.’

        It was hard for Harry to contain the giggles, as he uncapped his own can and started filling up wherever Y/N pointed to. Did he feel bad? Sure. But was it fun to feel like a teenager in a university dorm during a prank war? Abso-fucking-lutely. And it didn’t help that he was desperately falling in love with Y/N with every second they spent together. Like she could’ve asked him to hide Luke’s corpse, and he’d say he’d take the blame for the murder if it came to it.

        “Why did we have to sneak around the place like that?” he suddenly asked, brows furrowing in concentration as he squeezed the smelly contents inside the inside pocket of the jacket. “Why couldn’t we have just walked through the house?”

        “Because Luke always and I mean always comes to the studio at 3 AM,” Y/N stated. 

        Harry looked at the clock. It was 2:45 AM already. 

        “But before that, he goes into the kitchen, makes himself a double espresso, a sandwich and eats it before going into the storage where we keep all of the instruments, which is where he is in right now. Had we snuck through the normal way, he would’ve seen us and stopped this. And that just wouldn’t fly.”

       However, it was like Luke had a sixth sense as right at that moment the light flipped on, and like deer in headlights, the trio’s heads shot up and eyes widened.

        “What the fuck!” he whispered hand extended in the direction of the already six empty cans on the floor.

        Y/N snapped out of the adrenaline induced frozen state and shrugged. “I told you not to mess with the recording.” She put her finger back on the squeezable part. “And you. Didn’t. Listen.”

        The cheese squirted out with a splutter, and all of them stood still as the final bits dropped into Luke’s black boot. “And that’s payback.”

        With a sway in her hips, Y/N exited the room, leaving the three men to gawk after her. 

God was she a hurricane, Harry thought to himself. And he’d never been as happy to be caught right in the eye of it all.

***

        The next few days all of them spent lounging around the house, recording a few songs, most of them by Harry seeing as a huge wave of inspiration had hit him, making him write more than one love song. He even asked Y/N somewhat shyly if she could do some of the backing vocals, and he swore the song went from a 3 to a 100 the second he heard her voice weave his lyrics into a symphony. 

        By that point, they’d been quarantining for a week and a half together, and a heatwave was coming up. The cabin had both an inside and outside pool which they’d all had to learn how to maintain, seeing as no one could come and do it for them, and a jacuzzi tub on the terrace. As much as the boys tried to prove they knew how to keep the places clean, ultimately it was Y/N who saved all of them from chlorine poisoning and algae overgrowth. 

        So, it was right when she pulled out the pH indicator and said it was good for use when with a scream, Luke rushed forward Y/N, rugby tackling her by the waist and plunged both of them down to the water below. 

        “You asshole!” She splashed at him, laughing and choking out a bit of water as they resurfaced. “What the fuck is wrong with you!”

        “That’s payback for the cheese.”

        She went silent for a second, but then shrugged. “Can’t say I didn’t deserve it. But you did deserve the cheese.”

        “So,” Luke extended his hand for a shake. “Do we call this even?”

        Harry exited the cabin right as both of them completely soaked to the bone jumped out onto the wood floor. He stopped mid-walk if only to control where his eyes went seeing as Y/N’s white shirt clung to her body and well… didn’t leave much for the imagination anymore.

        “Do I wanna know what happened here?” He raised a brow.

        “Retribution.”

        “Though I do gotta say, you have a funny way of getting revenge.” Y/N smirked at  Luke, making him squint down at the girl. 

        “What do you mean?”

        “I mean,” she drawled out, a mischievous smile on her lips, “that when I filled your clothes with the cheese, my stuff didn’t get stinky. And yet, from your end… I’m not the only one wet.”

        A beat passed.

        “God fucking damn it.”

        “Hey!” She pointed a finger at him. “We called a truce!”

        Luke waved her off. “Yeah yeah, whatever,” but Y/N grabbed Luke’s hand right before he went inside and squeezed it. 

“We good?”

        He sighed and smiled. “We good, sweetheart.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, gave Harry a quick ‘see ya later’ as well and disappeared through the glass doors. 

        Harry didn’t know what’d happened to him. He’d always been a helpless romantic, falling in love, and maybe a bit too hard at that, but this time, even without Y/N knowing about his feelings, his heart felt safe. 

        Sure, the side of her he’d seen was a complete headcase, and she had more energy than a bull with a red flag in front of it, but the utter love exuding from the woman, even while she complained about her four, well five counting him, housemates was palpable in the air. The way she hugged and made sure everyone had whatever they needed, the way she let them know if anyone needed to have a chat, she’d be there to listen, and the small little things of how she always knew what preferences they’d have for their pancakes or breakfast in general, made his heart melt. 

        “Luke’s a lucky guy.” Harry swallowed before saying that. As much as seeing Y/N be affectionate with everyone, him included, made him feel all fuzzy, a little jealousy monster did bubble up in his stomach when he saw her snuggled next to the lead vocalist of the band. He didn’t have any right to, but no matter how much he tried to repress the green beast, it still lurked somewhere deep in his heart.

        “Hm?” Y/N lifted her head where she’d been looking at the water as she squeezed it out of her shirt and up at Harry.

        He motioned with his chin to where Luke had disappeared. “He’s a lucky guy to have someone like you.”

        “Oh, we’re not together if that’s what you’re implying.”

        “I –“ he stammered. “I didn’t mean to offend y-“

        But Y/N waved him off. “You’re not the first nor probably the last person to say that. I get it. They asked me one time to surprise their fans at a concert in Connecticut, I think, and when their photographer sent over the pictures, I kinda saw what everyone kept saying, but I’ve never looked at any of them as more than a friend. Best friends, brothers maybe, but nothing more.”

        “How’d ya get so close?” Harry enquired, his chest feeling a bit lighter.

        Y/N huffed and plopped down to the ground, patting the place beside her which Harry took. “When I first went solo, right after being on ‘Beetlejuice’ I was fucking terrified. Didn’t really know anyone in the music industry like that. Being on Broadway’s different.” She shrugged. “And the award shows are different as well. Like with ‘Tony’s’ or ‘Oliver’ awards it’s you know – musical and theatre geeks. My people. But the first time I went to VMAs I almost shat myself.” She chuckled, and Harry did the same. “Didn’t know anyone at all, was petrified to even find my seat because someone told me I’d have to sit between Lady Gaga and Rihanna, and my heart was not ready for that. Ashton saw me at the edge of the carpet, creeping around the entrance and kinda…” Y/N bit her lip looking for the right words. “I dunno. They kinda took me under their wing, in a sense – if you need a friend in the industry, we’re here, that sort of thing. And ever since then, we’ve been best friends. Luke and I just got the closest because we got stuck in an elevator once for like eight hours once, and well, boredom and thinking you’re gonna die in a four by four-foot box brings people closer.”

        Harry almost choked. “Eight hours?”

        “Yep.” Y/N popped the ‘p’ and gave him a sarcastic smile. “It was like soooo much fun,” she said sarcastically.  “I totally didn’t think the elevator was about to drop from where we were up on like the sixtieth floor, and both of us were gonna get our bones smashed to pieces, and I only had two protein bars, and you know how I get without food,” she stated. He nodded.

        “Cranky.”

        “Exactly. But.” Y/N chuckled. “We didn’t die. Which’s great, not complaining, and I gained one of my all-time best friends.”

        “Well, I’m glad you didn’t die.” Harry gave her a warm smile and nudged her foot with his. “Wouldn’t have gotten the chance to meet you otherwise.”

        She nudged his foot back. “ ‘M glad I didn’t die either. And I gotta say – you’ve made this whole quarantine bearable. Sometimes it’s like fighting with four toddlers, and that’s always a futile battle. Happy to have another wrangler with me. Also an accessory to my crimes.”

        He inched his hand towards hers, and when Y/N didn’t pull away instead liked her pinkie with his, a warm feeling rushed through him.

        “Happy to be of help.”

***

It was two nights later or full two weeks since the six of them had been together when things took a turn. 

Y/N’d always been a light sleeper, especially when her life was mainly placed in New York, but now, living in the middle of nowhere, she’d been able to catch up on some sleep. That was when the sound of her door being opened made Y/N shot up in her bed, sheets clutched at her chest in a panic. “What? What’s wrong? What did Calum set on fire?”

        “Nothing.” Harry’s eyebrows scrunched up, but he decided not to ask. There was the morning for that. “This might seem weird, but could I uh could I possibly sleep in your room?”

        She blinked a couple of times, because her brain was still processing his words and if they were even English, but once they registered, Y/N nodded, pulling back her blanket and scooting over. “C’mere.”

        “Again, I’m sorr-“

        Y/N shushed him, as Harry climbed in the bed, placing the duvet underneath his arm and twisting to see her, as she mumbled, “less talk, more sleep.”

        He hummed in agreement. His eyes were heavy, in fact, they’d become heavy the instant his head had hit Y/N’s pillow, but it was like his heart, the same poor heart that’d had to deal with the newfound emotions for the whole time he’d been there, the same poor heart that didn’t know better and always gave itself away to the person it deemed to be worthy, no matter if in the end it ended up broken, took over the control of his eyes and mouth, and while slamming against Harry’s ribcage, he whispered his confession. 

        “I really like you… As more than a friend.”

        A second passed. He felt Y/N stir as she turned towards him, brow furrowed. “Sorry?”

        “I said…” He let out a shaky exhale. “I like you. I fell for you pretty much the second I entered the house and you threatened to throw me out because I was a guy. And then I fell for you when I saw you let loose in the studio. And then once more when I witnessed what your wrath entails.”

        Y/N chuckled. “Cheese.”

        “Yeah…” He let out a little laugh. “Cheese.”

        A gentle palm went to brush away the hair stuck to Y/N’s face and he swore he could just melt as she leaned into his touch. “And then I fell for you when you said yes to singing my song… when you sang the lyrics, I dedicated to you… and every second I fall for you even more… I just… I thought you should know…”

        “Well, I can only hope that you’ll take this as a compliment then, when I say I kinda like you too, Styles,” she mumbled snuggling deeper into her pillow. “Though I didn’t think I was your type.”

        “What’s my type then?” he mumbled back, letting his arms wrap around Y/N’s waist when she shuffled closer. Not only was he now fully in heaven because he was covered by the softest duvet in the world, head resting against a literal cloud, but also because his nostrils were invaded by the gentlest of smells, and the body against his was the warmest of comforts. 

        “Well, not girls like me.”

        “You mean talented, beyond funny and absolutely breath-taking?”

        “Introverted, house hermits who don’t wash their hair unless they have to go somewhere with a perchance of self-destructive behaviour. Unintentional that is.”

        Harry’s eyebrows lifted. “Would’ve never taken you for an introvert.”

        “Mmmh,” Y/N sighed, feeling his fingers skim her skin. “That’s because I’ve known those guys for years, and they’re like my brothers. Couldn’t be uncomfortable even if I tried with them. We’ve seen too much of each other. But I’m definitely an introvert. Almost had a panic attack the first time I had to make my own doctor’s appointment.”

        “You didn’t seem shy with me.”

        “That’s because for some weird reason I… I didn’t feel awkward around you. And I mean, you did bring wine.”

        She could feel Harry’s chest rumble as he laughed. “Well, I hope it helped with inspiration.”

        “Ugh, don’t remind me,” she huffed, but opened her bleary eyes and were met by Harry’s green already staring back. She couldn’t contain the giggle, and it only grew in power as he chuckled himself, making her bury her head in his chest.

        “What?”

        “Nothing,” she shook her head. “Just never thought I’d date someone from 1D.”

        “Are we below you or something?” There was no trace of malice and hurt in his voice. He knew Y/N wasn’t like that.

        “No, ‘s just my boy band phase was ‘Good Charlotte’, ‘Panic at the D!sco,’ ‘My Chem’ and the sort.”

        “So, you weren’t fainting while listening to ‘You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful’?” Harry mumbled in Y/N’s hair, sleep slowly overtaking him.

        She shook her head. “Sorry, no. Panties definitely weren’t dropping then.”

        “Are they now?”

        “According to ‘Watermelon Sugar’ you’re the one pulling all of ‘em off.”

        “Damn. Guess it’ll have to be my new challenge.”

        Y/N’s eyebrows scrunched up as she looked at him before promptly falling asleep. “Making my panties drop?”

        “Yep. But this time because of me, not Gerard Way.”

        “Bold of you to assume it was just Gerard Way. I’m a slut for all of those wizard dads.”

        By the time she slurred out the last sentence both of them had drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

***

        “They were right!” Harry shouted jumping up in the bed, startling Y/N awake once more as if something was breaking down on their heads with how urgently he jolted. “It does take women two weeks to fall in love and men 8 seconds.”

        A pillow met his face. “Fall back asleep.” 

        He leaned over her still horizontal form, a smug smile on his face. “Are you gonna make a TikTok about it?”

        “Probably ‘bout how I murdered the boyfriend I was with for three hours if he doesn’t let me sleep.”

        He didn’t argue. With a smile on his face, Harry drifted off once more. Who knew that getting stuck in a hotel somewhere in Utah would lead him to the love of his life? 

Tags (crossed out wouldn’t take): 

Forever tags: @lumelgy @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @breezy1415 @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561​ @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger @m-a-t-91​ @dalilx​ @i-need-a-hero-i-need-a-loki @maladaptive-ninja-returns​ @averyrogers83​ @in-the-end-im-still-trash​ @gallifreyansass​ @dewy-biitch​ @avxgers​ @unlikelygalaxygiver​ @magicwithaknife​ @ollyoxenfrees​ @bnhvrdy​ @tvwhoresblog​ @celebsimagines​ @thatkindofgurl @sj-thefan @teenwolflover28 @lestersglitterglue​ @im-squished​

A/N: So... I know I’ve been gone for quite a while, but that’s because I have a job now (I’m trying to get a different one that actually would involve my degree, because this one is absolutely killing me), so please be understanding with the spare posting. I still love writing fics, and as evident, I’m kina branching out into other fandoms :D

There’s a lot of things going on in my life, so if you wanna follow me you can do that on Instagram @dinnusa or @read_with_dee or on my blog dinnusa.wordpress.com :) I also have a TikTok @dinmasters

P.S. feedback is always appreciated :)

P.S.S. If you wanna be tagged please drop a message :) or if you want to be removed/ changed to a different tag list please also message me :)

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles x fem!reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x you #fanfics #harry styles fandom #harry styles fanfiction #one direction #fine line #imagines #broadway #one direction imagine #five seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer #5sos #my chem #my chemical romance #gerard way #1d #ashton irwin #luke hemmings #calum hood #michael clifford

[strosmkai-rum]

SKYRIM MOD LIST, enb included

have fun! 

note: some mods, though very few and for the most part insignificant, were found on the steam workshop. so if it doesn’t appear on the nexus, you’ll find it there.

some general advice for new modders/just reminders - 

- always check compatibility. some mods have patches to use in combination with other mods. always read the description too. 

- if you’re able, cleaning plugins is always good. i was never able to get a hang of it but that doesn’t mean you won’t have better luck.

- never, ever test mods with an actual playthrough. the chances of corruption are small, but there. start a new game; if you can’t bother with the helgen intro, use Quick Start to skip past it and begin at the cave exit instead. 

- load order. can’t go wrong with LOOT or Wrye Bash. imo LOOT is easier to install and use but it’s all up to preference.

OVERHAULS -

Noble Skyrim (a HUGE overhaul of basically all exterior textures. but, if you don’t like the look this gives, i’d suggest 2k Textures for a more vanilla feel but in higher res, or Tamriel Reloaded - Textures and Parallax.)

Realistic Water Two (get the enb textures, with the watercolor effect too. they have a non-enb version as well, if you don’t use enb.)

aMidianborn retextures (i use almost everything. weapons, armor, creatures, dragonborn dlc, except the terrain overhaul. i also use the differently ebony and glass variants plugins, which basically mean that there’s multiple variants of the armor with the different retextures. they’re so cool, it’s a must.)

RUSTIC ( i also use almost everything from this too. alchemy/enchanting tables, daedra, death hounds, dinnerware, east empire company signs (i really don’t know why), elder scroll, monuments/tombstones, nordic murals, pottery, silverware, standing stones, windows, and word walls.)

Immersive College of Winterhold

Book Covers Skyrim (best book cover retex ever.)

More Interesting Loot (adds in so many artifacts/ingredients/loot from previous games it’s unreal. love it.)

Realistic Room Rental Enhanced (a SERIOUS overhaul of inns and stuff. lets you rent rooms for followers, discounts for extended stays, and makes them look nicer! oh, washtubs too.)

Immersive Roads (amazing. beautiful. incredible.)

RSChildren (children remodel)

Moonlight Tales 

Breezehome Fully Upgradeable (okay this too. makes breezehome huge. like, now you can have a markarth style tub upstairs, and a decent room for lydia too. plus a secret library, and another way to enter/exit your home outside of whiterun. and a lot of other stuff i’m too lazy to list right now.)

SMIM (DEFINITELY use some sort of installer for this. killed me when i tried to manually install it. totally optional, though.)

Ruins Clutter Improved

Thane Weapons Reborn

GRAPHICS -

Unique Grasses and Groundcovers (Verdant does a great job too.)

Hybrid HD Plants and Herbs Retexture (Tamriel Reloaded flora are gorgeous as well, so are the ones from Skyrim Flora Overhaul.)

AOF Detailed Mountains (my pref, but honestly, almost all of the mountain retex mods are amazing. go wild.)

Designs of the Nords Banners (the sickest retex of banners. ever.)

Skyrim Landscape Overhaul - Stone Walls (the BEST thing you will ever see. note, if used with Immersive College of Winterhold you don’t need the corresponding patch. at least, if this is the only SLO mod you’ll use.)

SLOD Wine Cellar (y'ever have an in-game crippling alcohol addiction?)

SLOD Potions/Poisons

Gemling Queen Jewelry

Barenziah’s Glory (crown and jewel retexs)

Unique Uniques (the reworks are absolutely gorgeous. i can’t even describe them. at this point, unique is an understatement.)

Bellyache’s Dragon Retextures (they’re the hell spawn of akatosh, gotta make ‘em look cool somehow)

Apophysis Dragon Priest Masks (holy mother of god, these dragon priest retextures are beautiful. if you’re more into a horror theme, Unique Dragon Priest Masks will definitely satisfy you) 

Natural Eyes

Coverkhajiits Male/Female

Dawnguard Rewritten - Arvak (so many arvak retextures here, pick and choose what you want)

Makers Mark Ingots (an ingot retexture, with minting seals/stamps on them. beautiful.)

Better Shrouded Armor (okay, this. this. if you look at the vanilla armor and say, i hate this, then you’ll love this. the armor becomes more of an armored robe with black/brown touches, and the signature hand print on the front. it’s just cool.)

Stormcloak Revival (awesome retex of the armor)

Nightingale Prime and Nightingale Pride (a retexture for armor and blade/bow, respectively)

Windhelm - Legendary Kings

Alternate Summoning Visuals

Tenets Restored (so you can actually read the damn things)

Auriel’s Bow Retexture

HD Linens

QUESTS/NEW LANDS -

Falskaar

Shadow of Morrowind 

Summerset Isle 

Beyond Skyrim - Bruma

Beyond Reach

Voyage to the Dreamborne Isles 

VIGILANT (there’s an english voiceover and a guide as well in the files section of the voiceover)

Project AHO (you need this. you do. the quest, the npcs, the oh god, everything, is so amazing. download it.)

Carved Brink (from the makers of Project AHO, equally amazing.)

Wheels of Lull (this was the best existential crisis i’ve ever had. funny, immersive, challenging, and very, very real, i’ll be at your door in a fortnight if you don’t install this mod.)

Aethernautics (with Wheels of Lull integration patch)

Gray Cowl of Nocturnal (want some oblivion nostalgia? here you are.)

Spectraverse - Magic of the Magna Ge

Dwemertech - Magic of the Dwarves

Ravengate (underground pit fighting, hell yeah!!)

The Tools of Kagrenac (morrowind fans wya. i have never played morrowind.)

Moon and Star

The Forgotten City (gonna be getting its own game on Steam by the same name!)

Fight Against the Thalmor (all 4 parts linked) 

Sinister Seven

Konahrik’s Accountments

Blackreach Railroad (trains. that is all.)

Legends of Nchuak

The McMiller Chronicles

The Notice Board (ah, witcher fans might like this.)

The Paarthurnax Dilemma (for obvs reasons) 

Localized Guild Jobs (finally, choose the city you want to do a thiefy job in.)

Missing Apprentices (a college quests never implemented in-game. there’s also another mod for another cut quest called Research Thief, but i don’t use that one.)

Barenziah Quest Markers (am NOT using the wiki again to find those floaty bastards. there’s a mod that puts the stones in quest-locked areas in accessible ones instead, so if you plan on collecting them all and being done with it i suggest Non Quest Locations for Stones of Barenziah.)

Jiub’s Opus Quest Markers (not chasing these down either)

Arvak’s Skull Quest Marker (only available through steam workshop)

an addition, Wyrmstooth, though it’s no longer on the nexus and is known to corrupt save files and cause general issues (i found a version of it, though i’m not very keen on trying it after what i’ve heard. still, if you really want it, it’s not that hard to find.)

IMMERSION -

Timing is Everything (adds in delays between quests. just a little breather in between saving the world, if that even exists.)

Northern Encounters (if you love encounters and spent a lot of time in the snow for whatever reason, this is for you.)

Extra Encounters Reborn + DLC (when you love exploring skyrim, this’ll make your adventures super interesting.)

Citizens of Tamriel (on god this mod is so funny and immersive. if you download this, stop by the abandoned shack. you won’t regret it.)

Honed Metal (lets you hire a smith to temper/craft and enchant armor and weapons for you, so you don’t have to invest in the smithing tree.)

The Hunting Game (y’ever notice how pelts are like, worthless? yeah. this changes that.) 

Organized Bandits of Skyrim

Better Combat AI (there’s probably a better mod for combat out there, but this is what i use. also from steam workshop)

Increased Merchant Gold Count (plenty of dif mods for this, all of them should work just fine. also on steam workshop)

Black Horse Courier Reborn (hey, remember the uhh, couriers in oblivion? well, they’re back, babey! the more quests you complete, different editions will be released to talk about the amazing last dragonborn, and there’s a (expensive as hell) book that you can buy from a courier that had all the editions from oblivion in one tidy leather-bound book.)

Take Notes (a journal mod!)

Celtic Music in Skyrim (a music replacer. it’s so calming and atmospheric, but if you want individual tracks replaced with ones of your own choosing, you can download Skyrim Audio Converter.)

Book Covers of Skyrim - Lost Library (adds in books from other tes games too, along with the fancy covers.)

Books of Skyrim (a book store in solitude.)

Touring Carriages

The Thieves Guild: More Thieves (only on steam workshop)

Thieves Guild Former Glory Enhancement

Regifting Lycanthropy: Infinite (on steam workshop)

KJ Tattoos and Lore Tattoos (needs RaceMenu to work.)

Loading Screens with Extra Sarcasm (beautiful mod. doesn’t ruin your immersion at all, actually.)

We Are Legion (nice legion overhaul. workshop exclusive.)

Immersive Patrols

All Merchants Buy Stolen Items

Realistic Crime Radius

Beyond Skyrim: Wares of Tamriel

Morrowind Imports (makes it so dunmer vendors will sell stuff like ash yams and sujamma, just a bit more immersive.)

Morrowind Border Trading Shack (workshop exclusive)

Staves of Skyrim

College Students

Better College Application

Night Eye Overhaul (good regardless if you rp as a khajiit or not)

Enhanced Cities: Docks of Solitude (workshop exclusive)

Towns and Villages Enhanced: Riverwood

Project Populate Skyrim: Winterhold (workshop exclusive)

Raven Rock Expanded

MISCELLANEOUS -

SkyComplete (lets you keep track of basically everything, including quests, artifacts, undiscovered locations and read books. update, it looks like the original file has been taken down. i do have a copy of the file should anyone want it.)

The Choice is Yours (fewer forced quests! woohoo!)

Jaxonz Named Save and Positioner (lets you have named saves, and reposition objects. the best mod for home decorating.)

Unlimited Bookshelves (put anything you want on those bad boys now! coupled with Jaxonz Positioner, the sky’s the limit to home decorating now.)

Follower Map Markers Complete (so you don’t lose them. again. also works for mod added followers.)

Bandolier - Bags and Pouches (you look really cool, and get a bit of extra carry weight too!)

Insanitys Celtic Katana

Better Training (no more level req bs here)

No Required Perks (workshop exclusive)

Lightweight Potions and Poisons

Lightweight Scrolls (because half a point for a scroll?! it’s paper, not rocks, dammit)

Weightless Soul Gems

Telescope

Thieves' Guild Bounty Clearer

Scoped Bows 

Font Replacement (i use fertigo pro but you know, preference) 

City Forests (just adds a few trees in a few cities, this, combined with Noble Skyrim and the enb i use makes all of my screenshots.) 

Save the Dark Brotherhood (saves your tears, too.)

Hold Border Banners 

Lost Books of Voryn Dreleth (adds in a few books, scattered throughout skyrim. i don’t know, they’re nice to read i guess. totally optional.)

Halls of Dovahndor (an amazing house mod set in…sovngarde! that’s new!)

The Library of Paarthurnax (always thought this was mad cool)

Sacrificial Hunter (for the boethiah quest. also known as, when you’re too attached to your followers to kill them)

No Killmoves/Killcams/Killbites (totally optional, i just don’t like the animations.)

Big Leather Backpack (it looks cool. plus extra carry weight. bags are cool.)

Colovian Leather (just a lil extra set of armor) 

Elder Scroll on Back

More Salt

Open Face Guard Helmets

Faction Crossbows

INTERFACE -

SkyUI (the menu layout give me a headache though, you can use SkyUI Away to restore normal menus)

Immersive HUD

A Matter of Time (compatible with iHUD)

Warburg’s 3D Paper World Map (forget the old poorly rendered map. a new paper one, a lot more simplistic and minimalist. but, if you do want the normal skyrim map, A Quality World Map is the way to go.)

Main Menu Background Replacer (oh, there’s a lot of these. so choose your favorite. but i like this best.)

No Bethesda Intro Logo or a replacer, the one i use was taken down but went by Ironclad Bethesda. 

RaceMenu

Amazing Follower Tweaks

Follower Trap Safety (miiight be included in AFT, but not sure.)

FIXES/PATCHES -

USLEEP

Fuz Ro Doh (needed for some quest mods, something abt silent dialogue.)

No More Blinding Fog (if you have that issue)

Mindflux Particle Patch (if included)

Darker Dungeons for ENB (if included)

Revamped Exterior Fog

FOR ENB:

okay, here’s the thing. i’ve been modding skyrim nonstop for three years now. i’ve gone through, a lot of enbs. the big ones, the small ones. rudy, tetrachromatic, project enb, you name it. and here’s the one that i finally found that works great, lots of customizability, awesome fps, and looks fucking fantastic. 

it’s called seasons of skyrim. easy install, easy uninstall if you don’t like it. nothing else. includes further darker dungeons as well as revamped exterior fog.

my configuration’s here.

but let’s assume you don’t want to use an enb. that’s fine! there’s a lot of other ways to get dynamic lightning too. i used to use Climates of Tamriel, or ELFX, or Realistic Lighting Overhaul. note that i’m almost certain that RLO hand places light sources, so i don’t know how altered cells would go. you might be able to avoid conflict by loading the changing mod after RLO? but i don’t know for sure. 

if you want help with installing anything/with enbs or are new to it, i’m always down to help. 

other stuff i use -

SKSE is an obvs one. 

LOOT

Save Cleaner

7zip (it’s basically a free version of winzip. cause i’m not about to pay for anything, and i manually install everything.)

wow, you made it to the end? congrats! i spent longer on this than i did sleeping last night. 

#skyrim #modding #a lotta mods lmao #tes #still...modding...three years later...

[nobody-knose--archive]

so guess who bought complete demos today on a whim

yeah i wasn’t expecting this one to be over as quickly as it was either. have your liveblog

-complete demos. i bought it today & already forgot the tracklist. listening to it on the mp3 player i got for hmcrmshcidshdamsth because why not. makes pausing/typing easier that's why

-who the heck just coughed

-good lord the mixing is. and boy that's steve drumming isn't it. wow

-i mean we've got the stereo panning just like ever but this is incredibly rough. they are true babies aren't they

-oh those flutes are amazing what the hell. can people stop yelling in my individual ears

-and there's the rough megaphone. it's so incredibly clear that these aren't studio recordings but like. still tally hall!

-i think i'm finding many of these a little too funny but gotdam you're pitchbending your own voice do you really expect that to not sound so goofy at such a high pitch

-oh we're not slowing down at all, this is the same tempo as before for sure

-the flipping around audio channels is very not good at all when it comes to disguising the cuts between takes

-a sculptor you say? (is that one in the later versions? i don't remember it at all)

-nothing but rob's voices in the background and maybe 1 or two from red. no ross bits whatsoever. that's wild

-quick move into the greener intro and even quicker movement into greener itself

-well those are extra harmonies. interesting that they removed them for later versions because they're not bad, maybe a little out of place though

-honestly the biggest difference in steve vs ross drumming seems to be more a difference in the quality of the drums themselves. or the recording software but that applies to everything in this album

-it's painfully obvious that everything was recorded in really different circumstances & not mixed professionally and yep. complete demos alright. not inaccurately named in the slightest

-reminds me of the beta versions of g&e songs we heard live before they appeared on the album, makes me wonder if we could've gotten an admittedly complete demos for g&e somehow

-anyway these little different synths-

-hello there rob. alternate bridge. i have remembered this is a thing. something about tissues? a shoulder to cry on? cool

-yeah the little different synths do capture my attention from time to time

-and a basic piano for the outro? huh. sure gives it a different tone alright

-hm? who's that right at the end there- ooh! wtth time! and this still has steve in it doesn't it?

-generally more enthusiasm when it comes to that T, wonder what lost him attention in later years

-boy is that beatboxing weirdly mixed.

-lawn

-well this chorus is actually rather snazzy. the vocals seem better mixed than anything else i've heard in this album

-"who's to blame?" that's like the 4th time now i've heard someone's random voice that i can't recognize. ...it couldn't be steve, could it? i am now aware i have absolutely no clue what his voice sounds like but that seems like it could fit. hm

-zubin sounds really unenthusiastic here. just faintly unenthusiastic all over the place. still sounds more like "badiggle" than anything else

-oh shit they're falling down a well

-red's bit is hella unchanged other than the direct invasion of my individual ears & extra megaphone useage (i really wish the megaphone became more of a tally icon than it did but that's neither here nor there)

-it's rather more barebones though. less andrew keys in general. the calliope-reminiscent synth he uses is different i suppose.

-they did more stuff with funny crowd voices i think i've noticed. playing around with falsetto, as a college band dude might do

-ok yeah steve is a worse drummer. don't ask me what made me change my mind but i did

-wow a crowd that can consistently clap on the 1-2-3-4? how utterly unrealistic

-no wonky wild & weird intro to taken for a ride because i don't think it's on this album. understandable, i can't imagine what sort of wild hell the vocoder would be if it was attempted this early in its lifespan

-1st 2 piano chords of just apathy has me thinking of i know your name (deporitaz ver.) which is certainly as good a start to a song as any

-extended piano intro has me thinking of the ending of mold en mono but nope here's rob's voice to completely knock that impression out of the water

-ohoho? rob cantor swearing momence? i hadn't realized there'd be this many lyric changes

-interestingly enough this track doesn't seem horrendously mixed so far- nevermind that guitar/piano together is way too loud

-the guitar itself does have a pretty cool unique sound. obviously they hadn't had any access to string instruments at this point so given that those're the main thing separating this song from your average sade rock ballad there aren't a whole lot of notable differences here other than said guitar

-very different tone to this lil bridge. faintly reminiscent of weezer but it's not like i know anything about weezer

-sounds like the same synth from wtth being used in the bg there. what, did they have just that limited a selection so as to need repetition that frequently, or did they really like how it sounds? hard to tell with 200 (uhhhh) 4 college band dudes

-and right into two wuv. yes i had heard there's no haiku in this one but i forget what else will be missing. not sure if anything else will other than hidden in the sand. they would have ruler of everything, right? and a track that appears here but not any other albums? something like that i think

-more of that piano in the bg and more of mildly unenthusiastic zubin singing. different melody for said singing but it's not much of a secret that these guys were more untrained vocalists at this time

- .subsides?

-this chorus sounds significantly more laid-back than the later version

-the extra piano part sure moves this piece way further away from "rock love song" & way closer to "andrew horowitz song", especially that lil flourish where a bee buzzing might otherwise be

-ooh! andrew! he speaks! so does zubin! this song's two olsen boys coming in for a weird bridge bit! hell yeah oh this is adorable

-"because there's 2 of them :}"

-hm. are they actually just removing various parts because they don't have the technological capabilities to do a straight fadeout here? got dam

-i suppose letting zubin do a final solo-ish cadence works too

-uh- say it ain't so‽ w. no this is stationary love, the song that appeared here & nowhere else. cool, cool. strange but cool i guess

-i guess that can explain the multitude of weezer comparisons made for these lads. it's certainly there. honestly andrew was the only thing keeping them from being true weezer successors

-pure acoustic guitar thus far. this is my first time hearing this song of course & it seems like a pretty typical rob "homophonic heterophobic" cantor song

-nothing but acoustic guitar. nothing but rob vocals. nothing but alloromanticism. guess what! it's not my cup of tea! however i can't help but think if this song was worked on more, fixed up a la either mmmm release, with some more andrew/red touches, i could enjoy it some more

-not even any drumming. the simplicity could easily explain why it wasn't played live very often at all

-so the next thing i expect is some very funky & very weird spring and a storm which should highlight steve's (worse) drumming more than anything else i'm sure

-nevermind banana man's just getting slapped directly in here out of order compared to the later mmmm releases. this version i have indeed heard before because it's the version used in the music video

-therefore i have very little to say about it i haven't said on any of the other banana men. or other tracks on this album. the intrusions of vocal harmonies seem jarring because they're not mixed professionally, an effect that's only enhanced by the stereo panning & intense reverb

-this song really didn't change all that much over its lifespan, did it? vocal flairs were redone, but relatively few harmonies were added/removed, i don't think things like the bridge(s) were modified severely. not as noticeably as any of the other songs, at the very least

-i'm pretty sure i can hear andrew's voice in there but beyond that this is severely unsettling

-back to the chorus wahoo. relievingly  familiar territory

-get out of my left ear hawaiian guitar- wait a minute are my earbuds on wrong

-no i'm good

-oh holy shit i forgot this had to be somewhere didn't it‽ i know it's just the same! ok ok

-i've heard this one but only because i had no idea it was from complete demos, it's like rather polished too so i had never considered it would be on an unpolished album like this. i also had no idea that was goddam steve drumming in there too hot damn

-and this is the only recording of it‽ that's wild i always thought it was redone at some point & just kinda. manifested in one of the vague ways miscellaneous high quality tally hall songs do

-it's another romance one but the guitar arpeggios and extra layers give it a pass in my book. man i should watch the music video for it shouldn't i

-i still think it's utterly wild how tally hall played this at an actual high school's homecoming once. wouldn't that just blow your mind

-there's not a major difference between how it's performed here & what i've heard of it in from the occasional live performance, which is making me realize i should watch more live performances of this song

-angstier prequel to hidden in the sand

-or sidequel maybe. depends really. we can tell whatever stories we like

-did my hidden in the sand sotry come out of the queue yet? i feel like i queued it a while ago but also like y'all would've said something if you'd seen it

-bit slow paced innit. much like everything else in this album, it would have gained much from a professional studio treatment, but its mixing & general quality is still surely the best out of everything i've heard so far

-working your falsetto there aren't you my dude? ooh boy

-ruler of everything.... so no spring & a storm? >{

-yeah. ok. weird glockenspiel. almost sounds like a music box

-no vocoding either! i just realized that's a thing here! curious. and... those are some heavily wonky sfx in the background

-who's singing those aaaaas anyway? it's not a chorus which i thought could surely be handled and there's really minimal reverb too; strange considering not only is reverb a jh trademark but easily doable here

-the piano synth used is mostly identical to the 05 mmmm- oh holy shit there's different lyrics & they're being beamed directly into my skull

-even more nonsensical & it's because you can hear them hella easily too. that backwards segment did not need to go on as long as it did. also

-so no zubin vocals? >{

-slapping 5 billion vocal effects on doesn't make up for a lack of the best singer in this damn band

-especially because he sounds reminiscent of goddam fred. being fred before fred was even a thing. oh how accursed

-quiet down your guitars when you're singing shouting through a megaphone if you please

-and there's the earstrain-ass reverb + vocoding on the flibbity jibber jabber reprise. i feared as much would happen. doesn't sound horrible i just need to turn down the volume on my mp3 player

-honestly thing whole thing isn't bad at all in the sense that it's mostly just strongly different from the later versions & lacks zubin

-lease stop yelling though my dude schwiggling your voice like that isn't always a good thing at high volumes

-is that the end? are we.... at the end? i heard that's the name of some song from like sketches or something

-no. how silly of me to assume as much. anyway my dude needs to fix up his ukulele this one sounds like shit

-no vocal effects makes me realize how few times we got this one live-

-now what would you call a wonky little transition like that? puts a smile on my face, even if it does take me by surprise at the same time

-but at least one of the times this was done live featured casey shea

-now for the love of god i already hate the ending of something glowing (view-monster) for its weird-ass asmr finale don't reverse someone's cough & twiddle your ukulele strings directly into my right ear to end an otherwise really nice version of hidden in the sand if you please. oh mama mia. good night

#tally hall #loolin liveblogs #joe is mentioned sometimes but not by name fyi #tis i #as usual it's recommended that you listen to the album in question as you read to get a better idea of the context #because 9 times out of 10 i won't tell you it #i feel like i come off as slightly negative for much of this. what can i say complete demos is an album of amateur demos #the songs aren't as good as their later counterparts by nature & that's all i ever have to say #to the world and back again

[haberdashing]

The Fall That Kills You

Statement of Matthew Gordon regarding his fear of heights and the aftermath of breaking his leg. Semi-autobiographical.

(Alternate title: I Warned You About Stairs Bro)

on AO3

Statement of Matthew Gordon regarding his fear of heights and the aftermath of breaking his leg. Original statement given December 30, 2016. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

Statement begins.

I’ve been afraid of heights ever since I can remember. I think the story is that when I was two or three my parents took me on a plane ride that had a really rocky landing for some reason. I don’t remember the landing itself, though, at least not consciously, though the fear’s still there. It started as sort of a general fear of heights, but over the years it turned into more specifically a fear of falling.

I maintain that fear of heights, and specifically fear of falling, is one of the more rational common fears out there. People fear snakes, but they usually won’t go after you unless you provoke them; people fear spiders, but the amount of people killed by them annually is low enough to be a rounding error; people fear getting ambushed by a random murderer, but despite what you see on the news, the odds of that happening are slim to none. Falls, on the other hand, kill hundreds of thousands of people every year, but most people ignore that for some reason--maybe because it’s mostly the elderly who go that way, maybe because that just isn’t as exciting as getting stabbed by a serial killer or bitten by a wild animal.

When I’d explain my fear of heights, even before my accident, I tended to use the example of stairs. Planes don’t bother me anymore, even though they were the initial seed of my fear--hell, I sat in the window seat on the way over here, and the view from it more interested than frightened me. But the rickety wooden stairs at my local swimming pool? Those were what always scared me. I think it’s the lack of feeling supported that does it. On a plane, you feel like you’re on the ground, even though logically you know better; on those stairs, with no handrail and only flimsy, shifting wood standing between you and a nasty fall, you’re all too aware of the danger.

It wasn’t the rickety wooden stairs of my local pool that got me, though. It was the stairs in my own home.

The funny thing is, I still don’t know what caused me to fall that morning, though I’ve run through the events in my head over and over. I was rushing a bit, as I was late for a doctor’s appointment, but that doesn’t seem like it should have been enough to make me fall. There was nothing on the stairs to trip me up, I didn’t miss a stair, I’ve been up and down that set of stairs hundreds of times over the years, and yet, one moment I was going down the stairs just fine and the next I was on the ground, with my leg in pain and refusing to support my weight, though I didn’t know for sure it was broken until the doctors told me so.

I don’t even remember the fall itself, really, though I know I must have turned mid-fall, perhaps to grab a handrail--that’s what made it such a nasty break, apparently. Broke my leg in two places just going down my stairs at home, and I was only about four from the bottom when I fell. And that twist mid-fall made it what’s called a spiral fracture, I guess, though I don’t know many details beyond that. I’m not usually the squeamish sort, normally I’d be all over details like that, but I suppose it’s different when it’s your leg that’s broken.

I’d never broken a bone before, and this one required surgery to put metal in my leg--always fun when going through security, that--and then a month sitting around doing nothing, stuck on the first floor of my house, another month of physical therapy... but this isn’t really about that. It’s about what came after.

Once I could go up and down stairs again, every time I prepared to go downstairs, I’d get this vivid mental image of me falling down the stairs, head over heels, until I’d collapsed in a heap at the bottom. Which isn’t even how my fall happened, but that doesn’t stop my brain from imagining it just the same. I go down stairs extra slow now, and I always feel like I have to work at it, to make a choice not to fall like that, every single time. I don’t know what difference that choice makes--after all, it’s not like I chose to fall in the first place--but I always have to say, no, I’m not falling today, not this time.

And then there were the dreams. I’m sure you’re rolling your eyes at this bit, but I don’t think it’s normal, even with trauma, for dreams to work like they did here.

It started with weeks where the only thing I’d dream of was falling. Not falling down the stairs, specifically, just... falling. Not sure where, not sure when, not sure of much of anything besides the wind pushing against me and that plummeting feeling deep in my stomach.

Then I started to go back to normal dreams, but they were all nightmares--some dramatic, boogie monsters and such, but more were mundane, failing a test in high school despite having graduated or turning up to a job interview and realizing I’m stark naked or... well. You get the picture, I trust.

But then midway through those nightmares, I would start falling. I wouldn’t trip, wouldn’t fall over anything, no cliffs or ledges or stairs, just the ground giving out beneath me and falling until the details of the original nightmare were just twinkles far, far in the distance behind me.

And I don’t lucid dream, exactly, don’t know that I’m dreaming when I am or that none of what I’m experiencing in my dreams is actually real, but I’d usually be lucid enough to recognize that this meant whatever nightmare I was in before was over, that I’d just be falling for a while now. And falling isn’t pleasant, exactly, but I wouldn’t call it a nightmare, not like the bad dreams it interrupts. It doesn’t kill you, doesn’t hurt you, doesn’t harm you in any way really. 

After all, as the old saying goes, it’s not the fall that kills you, it’s the sudden stop at the end.

And the only stop in those dreams is when I wake up. Before that, I can’t even see the ground below me, let alone hit it.

You’re probably thinking I’m wasting your time, and honestly, I can’t entirely blame you for that. I am sort of killing time in a way--my kid brother Nicky studied abroad in Moscow, we turned it into an excuse for a big family trip to Europe, and now I’m here while Nicky and my parents are at... some famous garden or another. I’ve never been big on gardens. All that hard work and effort, put into something that won’t even last the year. Hardly worth getting dirt under your nails for that.

Talking about it’s helped, I think. It seems a bit more real, now that I’m writing it all down. I’m not sure if that should be reassuring, but it is, somehow.

After I finish up here and the rest of the family finishes up at the garden, we’re meeting up at the London Eye. Nicky’s been teasing me about it for the last couple days, asking if I’ll pass out or have a panic attack or something at the top--he’s always been a bit cavalier about my fear of heights, maybe because he wasn’t around for that plane landing that sparked it in the first place. And I’m a little afraid, maybe, but not for the reasons he thinks.

I haven’t been anywhere higher than a couple stories since breaking my leg. There’s the plane, I guess, but that’s different. Staring down at the ground from thirty thousand feet, everything’s more an abstraction than a real landscape, if you can see it at all past the clouds. Ferris wheels aren’t like that, though. The ground is the ground, just further away than normal.

And this whole trip has felt a little bit unreal from the start. I’d never been to another country before this, let alone an entirely different continent, and here we are, waltzing from one foreign nation to the next. And we’ve had more than our fair share of difficulties along the way--hotel bookings that fell through, unfriendly locals, struggles to navigate unknown public transit systems, getting to major attractions right as they close...

I guess I just... hope that this isn’t just another elaborate nightmare, hope that the ground’s still there at the end of the Ferris wheel ride, hope that I don’t start falling again.

Or if I do start falling, I suppose I’d just hope that I don’t stop.

Statement ends.

#tma #tma fic #tma fanfic #the magnus archives #the magnus archives fic #the magnus archives fanfic #personal #my writing

[gottagobuycheese]

Tag Thingy

Thanks @silent--sonata for indulging my terrible sleeping habits XD

(fyi this will probably be unnecessarily long and rambly, so it’s going under a cut (EDIT: whelp the song list got a little out of hand, I’d apologize if I were even remotely sorry)) 

Rules: Answer 17 questions & tag 17 people you want to get to know better  

Nickname: Cheese (or Lactose Wedge, or Dairy Product of Unspecified Origin and Purpose)

Zodiac Sign: Gemini! 

Height: 160.5 cm/5′3″ (Bubbles I refuse to believe you’re actually that much taller than me) 

Hogwarts house: Somewhere between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff allegedly, both of which I’d be honored to get sorted into, but honestly I’d just be stoked to get sorted at all 

Last thing I googled: I think it was something along the lines of “how to speed up audio playback in GarageBand,” but but my train of thought was derailed before I actually looked at any of the results so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (and on a related note, thanks again for the magical audio editing @imperiousheiress!)

Song stuck in my head: The end credits to Legacy of the Wizard (which is SUCH a jam, thank you for enlightening me @jessicafish) Following and followers: 227 (goodness just looking at that number is stress-inducing) and...104?! When the HECK did you all get here??? I think just last summer I was happily floating about in the 50′s. Anyways, to anyone I have not said hello, hello! Hope you enjoy your stay, and I am sincerely sorry if you expected Quality Original Content, or even just regularly scheduled other people’s content. Sadly, neither of these things tend to happen here. 

Amount I sleep: During the school year it’s usually anywhere between 30 minutes and 6 hours (DON’T EVEN START BUBBLES YOU HAVE NO RIGHT), usually landing in the 3/4 hour ranges if I’m smart about it, but now that I am on Unofficial Break, it’s usually at least around 6 hours (except today was 3 because Avatar is an excellent show and the weirdos in this house have regularly scheduled breakfast at 9-something every morning). Sadly my sleep schedule can only be forced to tolerate normalcy for so long before careening back in the other direction, so we’ll see if this is just a blip or if we’re back to normal mid-Atlantic Ocean hours!

Lucky number(s): I wouldn’t say these are necessarily favorite numbers, but I do like 2 and 9. But come to think of it, second attempts at Official Things do tend to go better for me than first attempts, so maybe there’s some merit there after all! Dream Job: Don’t think I’m really cut out for dreaming anymore, haha (unless you are a theoretical future employer in which case I am Extremely Full of Ambition and Passion). The bed-adjacent metaphor has been made, and not to brag, but I can sleep on pretty much any surface. Currently studying my Not Favorite aspect of STEM (was there ever a favorite or did I just like being good at things sometimes) and learning how to People™ properly (and also learning a gazillion convoluted drug names like what the heck dude, did you just fall asleep on your typewriter coming up with these), so I’ll take whatever place hires me and pays me enough not to depend on my parents for everything, I suppose. In an ideal world, that would entail a job where I could make friends, and even more importantly, a job where my shortcomings would not cause Massive and Irreparable Harm, but I don’t think this line of work really meshes with that last one, so I guess I’ll either have to get my shit together™ extremely soon or fake my death, adopt an alias, and flee to a completely new place with no ties whatsoever before trying to get another, less high stakes job. 

(Though I guess, less cynically, I like helping people well enough? And stories are fun! Maybe there could’ve been something with that. Not that there still can’t be, mind, but there’s still a long way to go between Here and There)

Wearing: Black shorts. Navy t-shirt. Brown some-specific-kind-of-jacket-I-forgot-the-name-of jacket. Is it summer? Is it fall? Am I in middle school? Who can say, but they are COMFY so sadly I have no cares to give

Favourite song(s): way way WAY too many to list here, and I do not have them all organized in a handy playlist separately, but to name a few (and these are not necessarily the MOST favorite okay, it doesn’t mean I don’t love stuff not on this list, it means you can’t force me to pick between my children and I am going to find at least one quick thing from a few things I like before I need to hit post and go back to looking like I’m being studious, and also things I think you should listen to right now, but for everything I’ve linked assuming I mean the whole OST), here’s a spam of links in no particular order: 

LoZ Wind Waker - The Great Sea (aka the epitome of optimism) 

Undertale - NGAHHH!! (I was about to link more but then I realized it’d be the whole soundtrack lol) 

LoZ Breath of the Wild - Hateno Village (Night) 

A:tLA - Peace (bad call BAD CALL NOW I HAVE EMOTIONS) 

Legend of Korra - Final Scene/Ending Theme (MISTAKES WERE MADE MISTAKES WERE MADE) 

Kung Fu Panda - Oogway Ascends (I feel like I’m taking you on a whole little album journey now XD) 

PMD: Explorers of Sky - Dialga’s Fight to the Finish (aka the Gotta Shower Fast song) 

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Pursuit ~ Cornered (aka the HURRY UP AND PACK UR SHIT YOUR FLIGHT LEAVES IN THREE HOURS song) 

Apollo Justice: A New Trial Is In Session (very underrated soundtrack imo) and also Apollo Justice: Telling the Truth (because these two are very closely associated in my head and it’s getting harder and harder to narrow things down so maybe I should stop lol) 

Your Name: Katawaredoki (in which I am forcibly thrown heart first into the bedroom of my second apartment at approximately 12-something A.M.) 

Digimon Adventure 01: Butterfly (MASSIVE 90′s childhood anime feels, and also Last Summer Before Everything Went to Shit feels (on a general scale I mean, not personal)) 

Pokémon: Lugia’s Song multitrack cover by Jordan Moore (would that I could have a talent of that musical talent) 

Pokémon the First Movie: Tears of Life (great now I’m on a Pokémon music spiral GUESS IT’S CHILDHOOD NOSTALGIA HOURS NOW) 

PMD: Blue Rescue Team - Farewell and Run Away/Fugitives (you CANNOT make me choose between these guys okay, my brain WILL explode, and whoops now I want to link the whole ost) 

Palette by A Dear Friend (wink wonk) 

Pokémon: Alpha Sapphire - Fortree City (wow talk about mood whiplash)

Detective Conan: Main Theme (I can’t find the specific version since there are so many, but it’s a Good Theme) 

Super Smash Bros.: Brawl - Opening Theme 

Pokémon Colosseum - Relic Forest 

Song for Lindsay by Andrew Boysen Jr. (oh great now it’s time for marching band feelings I guess)

Mt. Everest by Rossano Galante 

Deltarune - Field of Hopes and Dreams and A Town Called Hometown (orchestrated) (aka the Lots of Work To Do song) and You Can Always Come Home and Don’t Forget (hey guess what I wrote a bunch of fake extra verses for) (also it looks my pathetic attempts at narrowing things down are getting even more pathetic so I’ll wrap up soon XD) 

 Guild Wars 2 - Fear Not This Night (never actually played this myself but my friend got me addicted to the music) 

Lord of the Rings - May It Be (Enya) (aaaand now I miss choir, THANKS BUBBLES) 

Lion King - Can You Feel the Love Tonight (Multilingual) by Travys Kim (aka how I remembered how fun these things are) 

Original Song by Anonymous  

(The urge to add all the other songs I’m not adding is so strong but I’ve got so much work to do so just assume I mean all Nintendo music from any game I’ve played, all Ghibli movie music, every musical I’ve ever heard, and even more) 

Random fact:

Apparently as early as the 17th century, you could guess that a child would have a shortened life span if their foreheads tasted salty. Yes, there is a specific reason, and yes, you may already know what it is, and thankfully no, that life span projection no longer holds true, assuming access to Modern Medicine! 

Favourite Authors: Okay I have not read enough various books of enough various authors to be able to answer this, so I’m just gonna go with a few books instead. They are not necessarily all-time favorites, but I enjoyed reading them very much at the time and more often than not go back to them for comfort reads: The Martian, any of first three Harry Potter books, and The Rise of Kiyoshi. (That last one’s not really a comfort read but I am drowning in Loving Kiyoshi juice so here we are)

Favourite Animal Noises: Certain kinds of birds (UNLESS it’s some ungodly hour of the morning and you’re trying to sleep)? Ooh, and crickets! 

Aesthetic: A slob, but like...a comfy slob. An incredibly disorganized hermit who is happy to mill about in the uncontrolled entropy. (Are we talking about what aesthetic I give off, or what I like to look at, visually? Because I like space, and water, and mountains, and forests, and forests ON mountains, OOH and forests on mountains at night where you can see space, perhaps reflected in a body of water. Or just water, idk. Different things are pretty to look at at different times)

WELL THAT ONLY TOOK FOREVER SORRY FOR THE OBSCENE LENGTH 

@pachelbelsheadcanon @averybritishbumblebee @shingeki-no-korra @sailorlock @yeswevegotavideo @soultheta @queenerdloser @ifeelbetterer @rogueofdragons @peppervl @amadness2method @mutalune and anybody else who wants to do this! This isn’t seventeen, and I don’t know if any of you have already done it/been tagged, but I hear people moving around upstairs so that means this break is over XD. And ABSOLUTELY no pressure to actually do this, this is pretty much just me wishing you well! (and YOU of course, my dear reader! I hope everything’s going all right, or if it’s not, that it does soon)

#THIS POST IS TAKING FOREVER BECAUSE NOW I'M LISTENING TO A BUNCH OF MUSIC #AND IT'S GETTING ME SO EMOTIONAL #THE AVATAR SOUNDTRACK IS SO M U C H #I FORGOT HOW MUCH IT WAS #IT'S BEEN SO LONG #AHHHHHHHHHH #IT'S FREAKING BEAUTIFUL #I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO JOIN ME HERE #gosh I forgot how instantly happy music can make me #why don't I do this more often #also I guess my two music modes are somber sweeping/peaceful ballads and epic boss battle music #with minor variation #anyways this is largely what I would contribute to the theoretical west coast road trip sorry not sorry #Cheese's personal molasses #tag game #tag thingy #tumblr stuff #93 minutes later I have finally picked ‘a few’ songs #I sure hope this posts because I am Not relinked all of these #uh oh that's footsteps on the stairs #GOTTA DASH

[thirstyforred]

I played The Wretched by Chris Bissette [it’s currently in the bundle] and since part of the game is to create a log I guess can share mine. It’s also kinda fun writing exercise even tho I died before I could save myself and the log just ends abruptly. I really recommend this game, especially to if you like things like Alien movies or survival horror in general [or if you’re easily spooked you can imagine your character with GLOOcannon from Prey 2017. GLOOcannon makes everything better]

Day 1, salvage ship The Wretched. Flight Engineer Martin reporting. The other members of the crew are dead and the engines remain non-operational, though ship integrity remains good and life support systems are still active. I successfully jettisoned the intruder from the airlock. With a little luck, I can repair the distress beacon and somebody will pick me up. This is Martin, the last survivor of the Wretched, signing off.

Day 2, salvage ship The Wretched, Flight Engineer Martin reporting. At 0300 fire alarm and fire suppression systems were activated. I started auto diagnosis on all systems but I'm still not sure what caused the fire. The damage is hopefully fixable. That alarm woke me up and I couldn't sleep anymore... I found a journal of A. He wrote like a whole list of things he wants to cook and eat one we get back home. Even here A managed to make something edible out of nothing. I think I was so tired, after waking up in the middle of my sleeping cycle and monitoring all systems for other fires and then reading that damned journal for hours, that- I think I heard something. Something like a whisper coming through the comms. I don't know what was it. Maybe I should also put comms through that diagnosis check? Of other things: water smells kinda like ammonia. The purification system works, just seems to be less efficient. Maybe I should be disgusted by this, I don't know, I'm just too tired to care I guess.

Day 3. I was so wrong. I was in the Mess trying to eat something when I heard that scraping sound from the corridor. I managed to duck behind the counter before it reached the open door. Thank gods, it didn't decide to actually enter! It moved past, somewhere in the direction of the Bridge, and then, I think entered the vents. It certainly knows I'm here.

Day 4. I'm carrying weapons, electric baton and a handgun, on me all the time, even tho I know it will only slow down that thing. But also I can't spend all the time locked somewhere wishing for it to be gone. So, one of the things I did today was checking my food supplies. There wasn't much to begin with, and now, that mold took over, there's even less. I can't exactly dump it, so I locked it in one of the cabinets. Maybe mold won't spread. I also managed to lock myself on the Bridge. Or it was that alien. I'm starting to think that it was the thing that I heard over the comms 2 days ago - if it can access and operate the comm system why would it be able to mess with the doors? It might be also responsible for the failure of the generator that happened 4 hours later. And failing of the backup generator as well. I had to use parts of the backup generator to fix the main one. So in case, the power goes out again it goes all down... Yeah. But after another fire alarm, I straight up jettisoned that section of the ship. It was the Crew Quarters, so all that's lost in just my sleeping bag. Maybe the alien asshole was caught and is now drifting out of the station. I can only hope.

Day 5. I spend the whole morning trying to pull the engine together. I may have an engineer as part of my title, but honestly, rocket science is beyond me. I'm afraid I only made more mess. The airlock I jettisoned alien thought the first time is still unsealed. The one in Crew Quarters locked back properly, but that one I just didn't manage to fix it properly. There's now only a single door between me, the interior of the ship, and that thing. Since it already got inside once, I guess it's only a matter of time till it finds a way to walk around it again or pry it open, and then I'll be the one that's jettisoned. There's nothing I can really do at this point.

Day 6. There's still a lot of internal damages I'm tracking down and fixing. Tiny but vital things. Like the door to the Docking Bay that M jacked to give us more time running away. It worked, even if soon later alien discovered that it prefers vents anyway. Part of the unblocking process involved cleaning whatever was left of M there - I already stalled long enough. When I finally went back to the Bridge I got to hear the last seconds of signal from some far-off vessel. I couldn't signal them back, I lost it. "Dear listeners..." they said. Might be some audio drama, sounds like fun. Also, It got back on the ship. Persistent beast. I hid in the locker when I heard it moving in the vent above. Either it missed me or just really loves to fuck with me, because it didn't immediately go for my very obvious hiding spot. But it knocked one of the desk lamps with its tail and I think got spooked. It ran back to the vents, which I soldered as soon as I was sure it's not nearby. Should have done it days ago.

Day 7. And that's a full week of living with an extra passager on my ship. At this point, I maybe should give it a name... I almost got a heart attack when I saw it on the camera feed of the corridors I have access to on the Bridge. It moves like a spider. Mr. Spider. Before it all, K told me about a children's book she heard once about. One of the spooky kind. I hate those so I kindly told her to fuck off, but now looking at that jumpy camera feed of Mr. Spider - how can stories for kids be worse than reality?

Day 8. I can no longer focus on anything. My every thought is like 'It's here! It's here!'. I'm so tired. It was here for the past week. But I got to do some spacewalking, first and let's hope the last time. I wasn't sure what to do to ensure that Mr. Spider won't try to stop me from my attempt to boost the antenna, but I opened the mold cabinet in the Mess and it seems that awful smell managed to get its attention. The antenna works, now to repair and activate the distress beacon.

Day 9. The Mess is unsalvagable. It looks like Mr. Spider decided that it's its nest now. Good thing I already moved all my things to the Bridge. Since Mr. Spider seems to be preoccupied with the mold cabinet, I decided to take care of the last of the bodies in the storage room in Engineering. That's the place we wanted to hole up in, but the vents... It doesn't like the ones there that much - too near the cold hull of the ship if I had to guess - but used them anyway to get to us. Now I also had to squeeze there to fix some cables that might help me with boosting that beacon. It was an experience. I still periodically check sensors and monitors to see if by chance there are some other vessels nearby. Of course, that's mostly wasting my time.

Day 10.

I spend some extra hours on the beacon instead of sleeping and I managed to finally fix it! Now all I have to do is wait for someone to catch my signal. I soldered the Mess door so it has only the vents if it wants to get back inside. I did it mostly for my own benefit, so when I'm going around trying to fix this rooting ship I don't have to look at things that are inside. I refuse to even guess what Mr. Spider is doing there. If it's really building a nest or something like that, it would mean that I'm the asshole for invading its territory. But on the other hand, it killed the whole crew of The Wretched, I would say that's a bit too extreme reaction on Mr. Spider's part. That being said I decided to make the list of my top 5 hiding places:

the Bridge - the real commanding center, now with soldered vents

storage room next to the Medical Bay - small and cozy, perfect for napping

Crew Quarter - already jettisoned once, so maybe Mr. Spider wouldn't look for me there

office in Life Support - mostly because it is Life Support and I would like to believe it will support my life

life capsule that's broken and can't leave its dock

I don't really intend to move out of the Bridge, but man I need some backup plans... I somewhat prepared them all today - I had to use K's keycard to get into her office in Life Support.

Day 11. I don't know how, but Mr. Spider managed to detach the whole module holding Crew Quarter from the rest of the ship. Now it's just drifting nearby. I don't know if it read my list of potential hiding places or just decided that it no longer vibes with it. Shame that the Mess didn't drift away as well. It's weird enough that it wasn't the part of the Crew module in the first place. Mr. Spider would be pissed that its nest-mess got jettisoned away... Sometimes I wonder what it calls itself. I guess something less stupid than Mr. Spider or Gorlam the Brave, my old teddy who now drifts somewhere in the space. RIP Gorlam. And I guess soon RIP me... There are weird noises in the Life Support. Not the crazy creature from outer space kind of noises, more like the machinery is failing and there's no one with enough knowledge to fix it. I'm starting to think that lying on my resume was a bad idea... At this point, I might be a better funeral official than an engineer... Today I jettisoned the last bodies. There wasn't really that much to say, so I just mostly cried.

Day 12. Gravity drive crashed today. It was real hell to drag myself all the way to it and fix it, but I managed. I should get a badge or something. The rest of the day I spend monitoring the beacon signal. It looks good. Like it might actually work kind of good.

Day 13. I fixed one of the small leaks of oxygen in the hull. I wonder how I didn't see it before. Spend a few hours walking cluelessly around Engineering trying to fix anything. I even finally cleaned M's rifle that I found by him, but I have seen no sign of Mr. Spider in the past 2 days. I wonder... [log abruptly ends here]

#the wretched #yes those are refs to w395 and tma #My writing

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Hana no Shou Yamazaki After Story Translation

My attempt at translating the 「薄桜鬼 真改 華ノ章」ステラワース早期予約特典　ブロマイド　 山崎烝 - Hakuoki Shinkai Hana no Shou Stellaworth Early Reservation Bonus Yamazaki Susumu short story from Chinese to English. 

Finally got around to finishing this... and honestly, after Saito, I like Yamazaki the most (for me, hijikata is 3rd for the feels trip, kazama is 4th for the lore and angst while harada is 5th). He’s just so adorable.... and I think his route is very sweet. Also I love how Shimada is when watching Yamazaki and Chizuru lol. 

^pic is me wanting to post this for no real reason aside from it being cute.

Anyway here’s my last post of the month so if you can, support me on ko-fi here plz~ https://ko-fi.com/V7V2W0HO also check out my “stuff i’m looking for list” if you own any cds since i am missing audio for a number of dramas i have Chinese translations for....

oh, and happy labour day weekend (well, to those that it applies to). Still really busy rn btw....

enjoy!

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Hakuoki Shinkai Hana no Shou Stellaworth Early Reservation Bonus Yamazaki Susumu After Story

Translation by KumoriYami

Yamazaki Susumu who had served as a member of the Shinsengumi's Watch/been a member of the Watch as part of the Shinsengumi for a long period of time, had been a doctor at the Yukimura clinic for half a year. And during one night——

Yamazaki, who was left alone in the clinic, heard/sensed a door open behind him.

"Susumu-san."

Looking back, standing there was his beloved wife —— Yukimura Chizuru.

"Do you want to take a break? Last night you were also reading late....

Her large eyes were full of anxiety. She looked very worried about Yamazaki.

Although he was very grateful for her taking care of him...

"Now isn't the time to sleep, I still need to remember the basics of LanXue/Western studies as quickly as possible, and I won't feel sleep at night.

[I left the term Lan Xue "蘭學” here since I'm not entirely sure of my interpretation of the phrase and put in "Western studies" since I recall that term from the game... which kinda seems to fit? Anyway, according to Wikipedia that was put through google translate, Lan Xue "refers to the Japanese Edo period by the Dutch incoming general term for Japanese academic, cultural, technological, academic literally Netherlands, the idea could be interpreted as the Western academic (referred to as oceanography ). Lanxue is a kind of learning developed by the Japanese through exchanges with the people of the island. Lanxue allowed the Japanese to understand Western technology and medicine during the period of the Edo Shogunate policy (1641-1853)." This was taken directly from from https://zh.wikipedia.org/wiki/蘭學.]

Yamazaki knows well that the books/studies he needs for the future will not be about Chinese medicine and acupuncture, but rather Western medicine based on LanXue/Western studies.

That said, it's not easy to understand the literature/words of a foreign country, so it is necessary to decrease [the time spent] resting to learn/study.

Chizuru, she should understand his way of thinking——.

"Please rest today."

Her admonishing tone in her speech left Yamazaki at a loss/ perplexed Yamazaki..

".....What’s going on? You wouldn't normally say that, would you?"

".............."

Her expression sank for a bit. Finally, she spoke....

"I think Susumu-san is as if he were back in the past, and I can't help but feel uneasy."

"In the past... like that?"

"Yes. Not only do you stay awake at night and give me the feeling that you were always fighting for the Shinsengumi... [it] felt that [you] were eager to die."

Hearing such an accusation without warning, Yamazaki could not say a second sentence.

However ——.

(Since I was watching my Chizuru all the time, there shouldn't be anything wrong/things should be okay) [says 我的千鶴 which is my Chizuru]

Looking back at his actions in the past months, Yamazaki deeply reflected on himself/his actions.

“Sorry, I worried you. However I'm definitely not in a hurry to die...."

His words stopped half-way. Chizuru (then) urged/pressed him [to continue] as she tilted her head.

What he said afterwards was really embarrassing, but if he didn't speak, he wouldn't be able to eliminate/dispel her worries/concerns.

"Do you remember the other day when Ibuki's wife brought their child over to play?"

"Yes, I remember it well. That child is very like his mother, truly cute/adorable."

"Seeing that child, I though: I can't allow these children to die before they grow up."

Although not all Western culture was good, he believed that Western medicine at least could help many people suffering from diseases.

"Susumu-san...."

Chizuru's eyes were full of admiration.

Then, she squinted her eyes and smiled.

"I think it's a very good idea. I also want to help my husband Susumu-san."

"Ye, yes...."

She spoke so bluntly, Yamazaki couldn't help but be confused and realized he could not remain calm.

When he heard this sentence (alt: these words) from Chizuru's lips [says mouth but I think it sounds better this way], he thought - it's truly wonderful that I chose her (alt: this might say - it's truly wonderful that she chose him) [this part of the sentence lacks pronouns... so it can be technically can be interpreted 2 ways].  

"But today please rest. It's not easy to get used to getting up in the morning and sleeping at night.... and lack of sleep can cause a misdiagnosis.

In actuality, he wanted to read more tonight....

“I know, today I will listen to you.  After all, when it comes to Western medicine, you are (my) senpai/predecessor.”

Yamazaki said that as he looked [alt: gestured, though i’m not entirely sure here] over the books.

"No, how can I be your senpai/predecessor...! I have nothing to teach Susumu-san."

"Don't be so humble. I was helped a lot by you when studying/learning Western studies.”

It's the truth, but to Chizuru, it was a very embarrassing compliment.

When he cleaned up his disk, Yamazaki thought of something.

“Speaking of which/by the way, we were just talking about Ibuki's child...”

"Yes. He is a very lovely child."

"Ah, yes.... ah. But, uh...."

Yamazaki was unable to truthfully speak about what he wanted to talk about, thus he hesitated.

Confused by his appearance, Chizuru blinked and asked.

"What's wrong? Is there something that you're worried/concerned about?"

"No, it's not...."

If spoken, would she misunderstand? This doubt kept Yamazaki quiet.

"If you want to say something, please speak. I want to know what you are thinking."

Having been urged by her, Yamazaki made up his mind to speak his thoughts.

"That.... I want/think (that) we should really consider it....."

"Consider, yes —— "

Because there wasn't an immediate indication of understanding what it meant, Chizuru looked/seemed lost for a while, then....

"Well..."

When she understood what Yamazaki wanted to say, her face was flushed. . “Oh, no! I don't mean to force you! Because it's an important time, and it's not too late to think about it before the clinic is developed.....!”

As he explained  in a panic, Chizuru spoke up.

".......I will think about it."

Her ears were red. After that, she stood up and left the study.

Only Yamazaki was left in the room.

(She said 【will consider】 does that mean....)

She is willing? Or does that mean she doesn't agree?

After that, no matter how he asked again, he did not get a clear response causing Yamazaki to spend countless nights in anguish. [:3 fufufu lol]

-fini- 

————

cyar all next month... still busy rn.... only 3 (harada, souji, heisuke) of these short stories are left from what I have been able to find... 

anyvey, i had to go and bawl my eyes out (not really, but i mean it figuratively, lol) since I finally got around to watching the Shitan Kazama-hen musical.... As a result of that, I’m now super motivated to work on my song transpositions from the original one.... as my motivation for doing arrangements was more than  dead once i lost my work since timing is seriously my bane when working on any music stuff... so hopefully i’ll be able to finish something within the next month.

再见!  

#hakuoki #hakuouki #hakuoki other translation #Hakuoki Short Story Translation #yamazaki susumu #Yukimura Chizuru #hakuoki shinkai

[youllallriseintheink]

Moving On

This takes place chronologically after the events of another one of my stories, called “Breaking the Time Loop.” I think it’s understandable without having read it, though. I hope everyone enjoys it.

---

For twenty three years, Sammy Lawrence had longed for everything he had now. Freedom. His old body. The whole, open, colourful world for him to live in. Even his relationship with Susie Campbell had been given back to him. In his daydreams, Sammy had fantasized about publishing the music he’d written in his years of captivity, becoming involved with a church, marrying, and never coming back to that horrible studio or performing demonic arts again.

Less had changed than he expected. Until he was finally free, he had never realized just how attached he was to the churches he already had within the studio, and the people he’d helped there. And so, every day after work, he’d head into the sketch dimension. The portal to it had found a new home in the closet in the bathroom of his brother’s apartment, where he and Susie were staying until they found their own place to stay. Joey had been perfectly willing to help him move it: there was no more closure to be had from the sketch dimension, and a part of Joey was honestly just happy that someone from the dimension was moving on and helping to salvage the souls of the damned.

Within the dimension, Alice Angel was hard at work sending the souls of Sammy’s cult to heaven. A necessary part of that was separating a soul from the hive mind that lost one’s tended to become when left unattended.

There was nothing functionally wrong with separating them out as needed like Alice was doing. The souls, spread out across dozens of bodies, simply wouldn’t be aware of themselves. A few of them, Sammy knew, had never even attempted to separate due to what could only be described as a very weak will to live. The only problem was that Sammy didn’t like seeing his people melt away into a languid hive. That was why he reopened the Church of Unity and returned to it whenever necessary, playing audio logs for anyone who had forgotten who they were.

There was a good deal less to do at the Church of Unity now that Alice was at work- nothing helps one’s will to live like not being hunted by a demon and the concrete promise of escape. And of course, now that Bendy had given life back to every person he could, the Church of the Ink Demon was permanently closed. The only other “work” he had as a pastor was in encouraging the occasional lost one who was afraid to give himself over to Alice. As a result, Sammy had a lot of time to spend hanging out with the important people in his life. He and Jack were still best friends, and would Sammy often played music with him. Jack also joined Sammy, Tom, and Alice for games of cards. He generally wouldn’t leave the sketch dimension until ten or eleven at night, when his body’s need for sleep forced him to.

At first, Susie stayed up for him. Though, his social batteries were usually drained by that point, so he typically just showered off and went to bed after that, careful to remove every drop of ink from himself and the floor. Susie hated seeing ink in any quantity greater than what would come out of a pen, and she hated when Sammy talked about what was going on in the sketch dimension. Thing was, that was pretty much Sammy’s whole life. Eventually, she stopped staying up for him, making him agree to have dinner with her and his brother each night before disappearing into the sketch dimension instead.

Over dinners, he mostly let Susie talk. She’d always been the type to enjoy talking about her day and the like. As of late, she’d been talking about new technologies and other little things that had changed between the forties and the sixties that she wanted Sammy to see. His response was always the same: “we’ll do it on the weekend.” As of late, she’d been doing a lot of complaining about him not becoming more involved in “the real world.”

Sammy hated that. The people of his cult were real. Real and important to him. If Susie didn’t want to listen to why that was (and she didn’t. She didn’t want to hear a word about the sketch dimension) she’d just have to accept it blind.

Despite some bitterness towards her, Sammy did feel bad about neglecting to make a life outside the sketch dimension, especially as Susie began to lose interest in him. And that wasn’t the only problem with living most of his life there. The other problem was that the people that made up his life were disappearing before his eyes.

Sammy had always known that that would happen eventually, of course. And he knew that his people were going to a better place, and that there was no way for them to live in a physical body again. Still, when someone he had known was there one day and gone from him the next, he couldn’t help but think of it as their death. Like people he knew were dying on a regular, steady basis and the studio just kept getting emptier.

Alice was the only one he could talk to about that. He didn’t even want Susie to know about it. So, when his memories of some ascended lost one were keeping him up at night, he’d leave and head for somewhere where no one could bother him. Oftentimes to his old sanctuary. From his time in captivity, he was used to hearing lost ones cry at night. He was even used to being one of them.

Susie noticed that Sammy’s mood had taken a turn, and was even aware of him leaving at night, but she didn’t know what to do about it. He denied that it was even happening, until a particular event pushed her to act.

It had all started when Sammy had come to Alice and Tom’s place, as he had many times before, only to be greeted by a strange, sketchy, black-and-white man. The man was tall, burly, and completely unsurprised by Sammy’s shock. “Like my new look? Oh calm down, Sammy. It’s Tom. Come in.”

“How...?”

“You see, Sammy,” Alice explained, “I decided to get one of the harder cases over with. The searcher that you’d isolated in that cage because she’d gone entirely insane. Well, after a few hours I realized that there was no fixing her. I should have known. She couldn’t even even speak, the poor thing. So I did what I did for Norman’s soul and just blanked it out and let Tom use it to change form. Boris here might be fine as a mute dog, but Tom isn’t!”

“Oh. Uh, congratulations, Tom. You look great!” Sammy replied, though he was much more concerned with his favourite blob with a hat. “She was so insane she couldn’t talk, you say?”

“Oh, Sammy. I promise you that Jack is going to be fine. I don’t know why he’s always stayed a searcher, but you know that none of them can talk. His soul seems pretty normal from what I can see.” From the corner where he was stroking Boris the wolf, Jack nodded in agreement.

“Alright, good to hear,” Sammy had said. That night, though, he laid awake, pondering his friend’s mortality, and the promise he’d made to his church to do everything in his power to save them. And it just seemed so unfair that he should get to live, just because he happened to have kept a bit of his own hair.

Sammy sat up in bed. That was it. The only way to bring him back was to get some physical remains of his. If that tiny, inky bundle of hair was enough for Bendy to do his magic, then anything ought to do.

Sammy retrieved a phone book from the drawer, taking a glance at the clock, which read 2:36. This was insane, and Sammy knew it was insane. Nonetheless, he flipped through the pages until he came upon the name “Fain.” It made most sense to just start at the top of the list and work his way down. He dialed the first number, the noise painfully loud against the silence of the night.

“Hello,” came a sleepy, female voice. Sammy had to wonder what he’d been thinking, doing this at this hour. Yet, it felt too late to back out now.

“Yes, hello. Do you have a relative named Jack Fain?”

“Uh, let me think... yeah. An uncle, I think.”

“Is he dead?”

“What?

“Sorry, I mean, uh...”

“Who is this?”

There was a silence.

“I’m hanging up-“

“Wait! I’m a geneticist from uh, New York University! We have reason to believe that he had a rare but harmless genetic abnormality that we’d like to study. Do you have anything that might have his DNA?”

“Oh, okay. I’m sorry, no. You might have a better chance with one of his adoptive kids, but I doubt anyone has anything. He went missing a long time ago. Can I give you one of their numbers?”

“I’d love that.”

Within the next ten minutes, Sammy had been on the line with all three of Jack’s adoptive kids, and was no closer to securing Jack’s DNA. He hung the phone back up and slumped to the floor, defeated and ready to cry. His sheep might be going to a better place, but he was still losing them, and he wasn’t sure how much more he could take. Susie and Sammy’s brother watched in silence from the hall. Susie beckoned his brother over.

“What should we do?” she whispered.

“I don’t think we can get through to him,” he replied.

“I think I know someone who can.”

Susie left the man’s side and left for the entrance to the sketch dimension. Even just poking her head through the door and seeing the sepia-toned studio on the other side made her heart pick up the pace. Slowly, she forced herself in, and pulled the door shut behind her. She checked it to make sure that it was in fact unlocked. Alright, she could do this. She’d done it before-done it for years. And it wasn’t as though the ink demon was here this time.

“Relentless forward momentum, Susie. Just do it, and don’t look back.”

Susie made her way through the studio, found an axe, slaughtered a few butcher gang trios, and found the elevator.

Relentless forward momentum. Don’t think, just do. There were plenty of artifacts of her past to trigger her memories, but she refused to take any of it in.

After a trip through Bendyland, she came to an ink river and stopped dead. Allison would be on the other side of this. Come on. Relentless forward momentum. It’s not gonna melt you. After some serious hesitation, Susie got in, waded through as quickly as she could, and found herself at Alice’s door. She gave it a few hard knocks.

“Who is it...?” Alice asked sleepily.

“It’s Susie Campbell.”

Confused, Alice got up and opened the door. Sure enough, Susie was there. “Susie! What brings you here?”

“It’s about Sammy. He’s not adjusting to the real world and I don’t think he would listen to anyone else. I want to give him an intervention, but could use you to soften him up. What do you say?”

Alice hesitated. Susie was getting desperate. “This is the last time he’ll ever get to spend with these people, Susie. I’ve seen into his soul, and you have no idea how much his people matter to him and how good his time here was. Have you ever considered just letting him grieve?”

Tears pricked at Susie’s eyes. “I wish I could see how he’s grown. But all he wants to do is come here. And talk about here. And I don’t wanna ever think about here again. All the ways I was hurt, and hurt other people... I just wanna forget it all and he won’t let me. Alice, if nothing happens, I’m going to have to leave him for my own sake so that I can move on. And I’m worried about how he’ll take that. He’s already crying almost every night, and tonight he was lying to people on the phone and acting like a fool in the middle of the night because he doesn’t want to lose Jack. I don’t wanna put a break up on him on top of that. What should I do, Alice?”

Alice looked to Susie with pity. At this point tears were flowing down the smaller woman’s face. “I guess you should at least warn him,” she sighed. “About the breakup, that is. I guess I can try talking to him. I’m biased, Susie. I don’t know what there is to value out there. I only know about in here. But I’ll try.”

“Okay,” Susie choked out.

“Can I walk you to the elevator? You look like you swam here.”

“There’s an elevator?”

“Yep. The lost ones made it.”

That explained why Susie didn’t know about it. Why would the lost ones share their knowledge with a monstress who wanted to vivisect them for their hearts? But, Susie didn’t have to think about that. A few minutes, and she’d be out of this inky hell.

—-

Sammy was overjoyed that Susie was finally allowing him to bring Allison and Tom out of the sketch dimension. He had something very important to tell them. After, of course, showing them around a little.

Allison in particular was awestruck as they walked downtown together. “There’s so much colour. Oh my gosh, what’s this one called?” Allison asked, pointing to a woman’s dress.

“Indigo. And the belt’s colour is called red,” Sammy said. Showing Allison around like this made him feel like a hero. Suddenly, Allison tore off to a cart selling flowers. By the time he’d caught up with her, she was face-deep in them.

“Oh, Sammy... you told me there were a lot of different kinds of these things, but... I never thought there would be this many.”

“Wanna buy some?”

If it were possible, Alice’s face lit up even more. Sammy bought her some small indigo flowers.

Soon, they were at the park they’d intended to go to. “So,” Alice began, voice somber, “I have something to tell you.”

“Really? Me, too.”

“You first.”

“Okay. So, I know you don’t really know yet what you’re going to do once you’re on the outside, and I’ve been thinking that you and Bendy could make a great team for curing mental illnesses like schizophrenia or dementia. Just kill them, manipulate the soul, and have Bendy bring them back to life. Easy, and it would probably bring in a lot of money.”

Alice looked at him like he was crazy. “Don’t the people out here have more reservations about death than us?”

“Oh, right. But, they also have reservations about torturing themselves with mental illness. I think a lot of people would still take it.”

“I don’t know, Sammy. I kind of want to find out who I am when I’m not killing people and manipulating souls. I don’t expect you to get it, but choosing who someone is supposed to be without their input is stressful. I’m not sure I can even do anything about dementia- it’s more a physical thing. And just... look around,” Allison gestured at the park. “It’s beautiful. Tom and I want to come out here and try something new. Anyhow, do you know if Bendy would be up to it?”

Sammy looked pensively to the grass. “No. Can I call him now?”

“Sure.”

So, that’s what Sammy did. Bendy picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Bendy. It’s Sammy Lawrence.

“Hi, Sammy! To what do ah owe the honour?”

“This is... mostly hypothetical, but I was wondering if you’d be up to joining in a little project with Allison. It would involve moving across states to live with her, but I can imagine no greater use of your gifts.”

Bendy was silent a moment. Then, he heard Bendy call out, “Dad! It’s Sammy! He wants me to move in with Alice!”

“What?” Henry grunted before taking the phone and chasing Bendy off to play. “Sammy, hi! How are you adjusting to the real world?”

“Good...”

“Good. Now look, I’m sorry, but Bendy relocating now is not a good idea.”

Sammy was surprised with the strength of his reaction. “But why? You don’t even know what my plan is.”

“Because, Sammy,” Henry said patiently, “Bendy is a child. It doesn’t matter what the plan was. He needs his parental figures.”

“No he isn’t,” Sammy retorted, “He’s a powerful, 20-something-year-old demon that can control ink and raise the dead.”

“Yeah, but he spent several of those years locked and chained in an empty room, and spent the rest of them wandering around in a pocket dimension attempting to steal a soul. And right now, he wouldn’t want to be separated from me for two days, let alone to move to another state with Tom and Allison. Mentally, he’s just a child with abandonment issues. I don’t know what I’m going to do with him long-term, Sammy. Right now we’re going to try putting him in school. He’ll probably be ready for something like what you’re talking about one day. But right now, we honestly just want to move on.”

“Oh. Okay,” Sammy said. Then he hung up.

“What did he say?” Alice asked.

“They want to move on.”

Alice nodded. “That’s the thing I needed to tell you. Susie is worried about you. She thinks you have to move on.”

Sammy hid his head in his hands. A ton of thoughts, most of them nasty, brewed. He counted to ten and said, “Susie doesn’t realize how important my cult is to me. She doesn’t want to talk about anything.”

“She’s traumatized.”

Sammy strained to keep the anger out of his voice and the tears out of his eyes. “Why couldn’t you have just fixed that when you had the chance? It hurts us. You fixed that other guy.”

Alice sighed. “That’s different, Sammy. Depression is basically the brain not producing enough of a couple chemicals. To use the writing metaphor, it’s a matter of correcting a couple grammatical errors. With Susie, it would be like rewriting the plot, or deleting sentences. Susie’s trauma is about her memories, and her interpretation of them. Unless it were necessary, I couldn’t just... delete soul-deep memories. I could have planted thoughts in her head so that she wouldn’t be so affected by them, but after doing so much of that already for her identity issues and aggression, I just wanted to keep it low-interference wherever I could. And maybe that was a mistake. There isn’t a manual for this, y’know. I have to make choices and then live with them.”

“Oh. Okay,” Sammy replied, resigned. “If I can ask, what’s the biggest thing you did to me?”

“I made your thinking less black and white. That’s about it.”

“Okay.”

Sammy sat in silence a while, head on his knees. “What are you going to do when you can come out?” Sammy asked. “Who will you stay with?

“Presumably Tom and I will just live in the sketch dimension until we can afford a real place.”

“Okay. I was just thinking about letting the sketch dimension go for Susie’s sake. The thing is, I don’t want to leave you to learn about the world alone-“

Alice grabbed Sammy’s hand. His perfect, creamy white hand. This was someone pure. Someone who wouldn’t be stared at by every man woman and child out here. “Sammy. Look at yourself. You belong out here. With people. I wouldn’t want to hold you back.”

“You wouldn’t be. Alice, I’m not the person I was going into the sketch dimension, and I wouldn’t want to be. I want to discover who I am now and how I could fit in to this world, too. That’s what Susie doesn’t seem to get- even when my cult is gone, I don’t want things to go back to the way they were. We could figure out our new lives together. Tom, too.”

Alice would have blushed if she were physically capable of it. She also laughed a little, which confused Sammy. “What?”

“Oh, nothing. It just that I was supposed to get you to see the light and leave the sketch dimension behind. It seems like I’ve done pretty much the opposite. I’m gonna warn you, though: Susie and your brother are waiting for you to come back to the apartment so they can do a little intervention for you.”

The two came back to the apartment together, where Susie and Sammy’s brother were waiting. They had a serious talk together about what Sammy could be doing to handle loss better, and Sammy listened. He also explained his side of the story and what he’d planned with Allison. Susie was devastated, but also relieved when she and Sammy broke up. After the intervention was finished, Susie called her sister, and was moved out within a week.

—-

It was a little over a year later, and Sammy was rowing across a lake with Allison and Tom, where they planned on having a picnic to celebrate the anniversary of Tom and Alice’s entry into the real world. Sammy was happy that he’d chosen to be a part of it.

had found their place in a little town that housed the greatest hospice in New York State. The people out here had gotten used to having two sketchy, black and white people around. It had taken time, though. Sammy had gotten a job at the hospice fairly easily, but it took him a while to convince his boss to give Allison a chance. It had turned out to be a good place for them both to use their skills, including ones Sammy had developed during his time as an ink creature. It was far from a secular hospice, so Sammy could even use spirituality to comfort some of the patients. Alice occasionally took a soul home and fixed it up enough to land it in heaven, which she found to be a good balance between using her power and being more than it. Tom was also happy working as a lumberjack. Even aside from work though, it was a nice town, though- small, tight-knit, out in nature, had a nice church.

Not all of their transition was easy. It was very hard for Tom and Allison to discover that just because they’d been together when their were no other options, didn’t mean that their love would survive once they were free to make other choices. Alice and Sammy had had feelings for each other on some level since the moment they’d met, and became a couple pretty much the second that they were both single at the same time. The trio remained friends, though, with Tom living fairly close by and visiting often.

Sammy had readjusted some of his unused music for the modern age and had released them to some success. Susie had called him to congratulate him as soon as she saw a record with his name on it for sale. They exchanged stories about how they were doing. Susie was doing well. She was back in voice acting and was getting fairly good roles, and she was engaged now. That had been a couple months ago, and they hadn’t talked since. That was okay. Sammy had moved on. At their own pace, everyone had.

---

Do you guys think Sammy made the right choice? When I started writing this, I was thinking I’d end it with Sammy giving the portal to the sketch dimension to Henry, forcing himself to move on, and eventually marrying Susie.

#Bendy and the Ink Machine #breaking the time loop #my fanfiction #sammy lawrence #Allison Angel #susie campbell #sammy x allison angel

[nascent-chaos]

So I know Reed likes to play games with Red, read with Stretch, and cook with Edge, but what activities does she like to do with the other boys that are just one-on-one? What activities do/would the boys prefer to do with her?

Sans :: Sans is something of the tinkerer of the bunch. It’s actually one of the jobs he’d held just before he and Papyrus moved into the lodge - he’d often fix up broken appliances or trinkets. His bigger projects are usually kept confined to the lab, so Reed never really gets to see those, but his smaller projects are typically worked on up in his room. She enjoys watching him from time to time - it’s amazing to see him take bits and bobs and bring them together to create something big like a new motor, or something small like a little music box. He does tend to get a lot of little things from other monsters that he still patches up as favors to them, and it’s one of the ways he still earns a bit of cash after the gold exchange, and before he chipped in with Alphys to help humanity implement some of the technology monster-kind had developed.

As far as activities he’d like to do with her? Well, Reed always secretly wished to be able to learn more about the heavens. The idea of being able to identify stars and constellations in the night sky is one that has always struck her as lovely, and if he ever had the chance to make those lessons a thing? He'd be over the moon!

Papyrus :: Gardening is a big thing for these two. Ever since she moved in, Paps has helped her establish a garden off near the edge of the property where they’ve been growing all manner of vegetables and herbs, both fit for human and monster consumption. It’s a common sight to see the two of them working side-by-side in the earlier hours of the morning as they tend to it, watering and weeding and maintaining the health of the plants as they work. Cooking is also a big hobby they share.

Papyrus secretly wishes he could bring Reed with him on his morning training routine from time to time, but for the most part, the level of activity he and Blue do appears to be just a bit too much for the poor human to handle (boy do lungs seem to be a drawback!). She’s not often able to complete the full route they jog along, and has never had to opportunity to observe as he, Blue, Edge, and Black train (as things like their sparring sessions are usually done at the home of another member of the guard).

Blue :: He’s a huge fan of vehicles. The garage is, for the most part, his go-to space to unwind, and he always seems to be customizing something while he’s in there. Reed will be the first to admit that she doesn’t know much of anything about vehicles (she can’t drive, after all), but loves seeing how excited he gets over a new plan he’s hatched. She’s always willing to lend him a hand, and he’s always thrilled with having her there to keep him company as he works! Like Papyrus, Blue secretly wishes he could take Reed out for an early morning jog or something when he trains. He’d love the idea of the two of them getting to go into the valley and see the sights as they pass through!

Stretch :: As you said, the pair shares a love for books. Stretch’s primary source of income is through the royalties he makes as a writer, and he’s even gone so far as to publish a book or seven (a fact he’s dead-set on keeping from Reed out of embarrassment, as some of them do have a few, err… *ehem* steamy segments). He went so far as to help set up a sort of reading nook for her in the attic and the pair will often spend their free time up there enjoying a good book and each other’s company. On days with good weather, or if Reed seems to be in need of some time to unwind after work, they may even take an hour or so to head to her little hideaway in the woods to relax and unwind.

At home Stretch, as well as Hickory, loves ‘lending her a hand’ while she’s baking. Of course, by lending her a hand, what they really mean is sampling her latest batch of whatever sweet thing she’s just pulled out of the oven. She teasingly calls the two her ‘professional taste-testers’, and they’re often the two that get to sample whatever she’s been experimenting on and provide her feedback before the others get to try it out. Okay, so maybe it's not exactly 'one-on-one time', but it's not unusual for the other to be absent or busy during these times!

Red :: Gaming is a big thing for Red but, more than doing it together, Red likes to sit back and watch Reed take a go at it. She was raised in a household where they didn’t really have those kinds of things and, sure, she knows perfectly well what a playstation or xbox is, she’s just… never actually played on one before she’d moved in with them. Granted, her reaction time is pretty terrible and it seems she prefers story-driven games over the action-packed first-person-shooters he loves so much, but he actually finds watching as she tries solving a puzzle or cheering when she overcomes some in-game boss to be… pretty damn adorable.

But honestly, though? He just wishes he could spend a little more time together with her outside of the lodge in general. He’s pretty envious of Sans and those weekly get-togethers he has with Reed. Would it be wrong of him to try and set up something like that with her, too? Would she even be up for something like that? Somebody please help this insecure boi.

Edge :: Cooking with Edge is, perhaps, the most common forms ‘alone time’ Reed has with the skeleton. Edge quite enjoys giving her a hand in the kitchen, as cooking for a family of ten is something even he’ll admit is no small feat. It’s also one of the few times they seem to talk about anything and everything, and they both find the open and casual chatter to be… refreshing. Okay, so maybe it’s more Reed talking and Edge listening, but still. The setting allows for the both of them to unwind a bit, for the two of them to exchange ideas and get creative in the kitchen, and on more than one occasion there might have even been the briefest of flour fights (he’ll vehemently deny it ever happened, though!).

He is a bit… envious of Stretch, though. As much as he’d like to spend some time outside of the kitchen and enjoy her company he never seems to have the opportunity, as there always seems to be someone else around. And hey, the guy is a Papyrus too, after all, and that means… well… Okay, so maybe once he’d like to be able to sit next to Reed and the two of them share a book a-and she could lean on him for once or something too, damnit! He has great literary tastes too, you know!

Black :: Most of their quiet time seems to be limited to the mornings, as he's the earliest riser of the bunch (just behind her). She'll often already be awake and starting breakfast for the family by the time he's headed downstairs, and the two will take the time to connect a bit before their days start. It's not something most would consider a prime activity to do together, sure, but there's a sort of tranquility to this tradition of theirs that both parties enjoy, and will definitely notice is missing if something interrupts it. Black is, for the most part, something of a workaholic, so a majority of his time at the lodge is spent on the work he brings home.

If he could, though… he'd like to spend more time with her outside of the lodge. Granted, this isn't exactly realistic given they live on a reclusive mountainside out in the armpit of nowhere, but is it bad that he'd like to just take a scenic walk with her sometime? He… didn't hate getting to spend time with her on their 'not-date' that day, and… well, any private time when he can be free of his responsibilities and just *unwind* a little would be nice.

Hickory :: Hickory is, by and large, probably the most reclusive of the lot, being the second most distant to her just behind Classic. Unlike the others, however, he… doesn’t seem too eager to spend any one-on-one time with Reed for some reason? In fact, despite everything between the two, they’ve only ever been alone together a handful of times in the past. Perhaps the most one-on-one time she typically has with him is in the kitchen, where he’s only too eager to help with the quality control for the latest batches of... whatever she’s baking that day. Aside from that, however, when not out fulfilling some task given to him by Black or eating with the rest, he’s often locked away in his room doing Angel-only-knows-what.

Only, now Reed knows just what that is.

She’s seen the audio equipment and instruments in his room, and she’s hoping it’ll make for a decent conversation-starter? She never knew just what his hobbies were aside from sleeping, eating, and hitting on women for a good laugh, so… maybe… this might help break the ice between the two a little? Maybe she could ask to sit in on his work one of these days and see what he does. Would... it be weird if she asked him to play a song for her?

Dust :: There isn’t really any set activities these two do together, yet Dust is still probably at the top of the charts in terms of who spends the most one-on-one time with her. This likely developed following the second attack, after which Reed often tried to keep him around in order to prove a point to the others. Out of this had sprouted the habit of Dust giving her a hand with the menial tasks around the Lodge, from cooking to cleaning to tending to the laundry. It’s not much, and the two don’t really do much more than chat idly with one another, but given she’s one of the only individuals present who doesn’t look upon him with resentment… well, he’s perfectly content with the way things are right now. He’s still not the biggest fan of humanity in general, and he’s not going to go out of his way to try and grow any closer to her because, quite frankly, while he doesn’t mind her company he simply doesn’t care. Why should he, when he’s probably going to be thrown back into his own timeline here any day now?

[jlf23tumble]

1D Day: Hour Four

Over the past few years, I’ve seen people try to insinuate that Zayn wasn’t into 1D Day, that he was moody or distant or some other adjective that implies he was on his way out the door, and to those people I ask, did you actually watch any of this, especially hour four? I mean, seriously, watch Zayn over the course of the whole day, but hour four is a revelation if you’ve ever had that notion. He’s witty, charming, happy, smiley, completely on board with every stupid game, and so professional with the fans and the rest of the team that he makes Liam look like an asshole (and Liam is so very far from being an asshole, like, ever). 

In fact, both Zayn and Liam are naturals as hosts; they’re a dream broadcasting team, and for all the (justified, mind you) attitude Louis and (especially) Harry throw down as the day progresses, it’s the complete polar opposite with Ziam. I could watch hours and hours of these two because they manage to convey that fake on-air TV personality chirpiness with a sincerity that’s endlessly compelling. They’re also off-the-charts HOT on this here day (Louis, too, but Jesus CHRIST have mercy on us in hour four). Let’s break it down under the cut.

Hour four kicks off with Zayn and Liam skateboarding onto the set, and Liam is honestly me with his plaintive “I’m really rubbish at skateboarding” as he basically stands on a board that somebody literally pushed in a straight line into the shot.

Zayn’s all excited that this is his first hour (like, he’s literally pumped up for it, and some could argue that he’s as coked up as Harry appears to be, but he’s not as aggressive, he just seems legit happy to be there). Liam’s an old pro by now, and the general mood is positive and calm, in spite of the mega fuckups in hour three and the immediate in-ear issues they’re both already experiencing. Help, they're so hot:

The first segment is about invention ideas from fans, and joining them in the Google+ Hangout (lmaoooo) is Peter Jones (Liam: “a very rich man”) from Dragon’s Den, aka the UK’s Shark Tank, and for all of his cash and presumably all of the D’s, this feels VERY low rent. Way to sell this Google ad, team…maybe that’s why Google+ is a total failure, hmmmm, makes you think. Anyway, the first invention is a 1D Kube, and noah fence to this fan, I’ve made better merch, c’mon, people think outside the box:

Because Peter’s gross, he suggests using nude body parts of the boys instead of their faces, and me as Liam, completely creeped out by that suggestion. The next idea is a 1D pillow, where you go to sleep, and the pillow pipes two 1D songs directly into your brain before powering itself off, but Liam wisely says this might be more distracting than soothing. Peter’s right there with the idea that it should instead offer up soothing pillowtalk (Zayn, take notes!), which instantly worries both me and Liam because it’s weirdly sexi instead of sexy sexi.

The final invention is fart pants, which boils down to deodorized boxers for people like Niall who practically shit themselves when they fart in closed tour buses (paraphrasing). Naturally, Peter likes this idea a LOT, and asks Liam a low-key invasive question about someone stealing his underwear, which leads to a riveting tale of the missing pants and a nervous Liam asking Peter exactly how he knew about this incident. Peter laughs it off as something he found online to embarrass Liam with, but try harder, asshole…they answer worse questions than this before breakfast.

Next, we get Julian “I can’t bother to find out how to spell his last name,” one of the D’s cowriters, in a cringe VT about picking up girls with 1D lyrics. It’s so fucking gross that only Ben Winston could have come up with it, and it goes on FOREVER, even though nothing about it is interesting or cute or witty or anything other than tedious yikes for the women involved. Even Julian knows it’s creepy, and he seems like a guy who’s pretty comfortable with creepy.

We get back in the studio to some actually attractive people who have chemistry together, and, no, it’s not Julian and John “I can’t bother to find out how to spell his last name either” (they make sure to sit far enough apart to maintain their extreme masculinity):

Liam has some good interview questions for these two, such as, “What’s your favorite song that you wrote on for this album,” and John thinks he’s clever by saying it’s both “Little Black Dress” and “Little White Lies,” but the real gem here is the audio of Liam creating “Better Than Words” out of thin air. Look at this fondness while we all listen to Liam’s genius (it’s kind of embarrassing, this whole bit):

We move to fan selfies, and Liam does a terrible Irish accent to request potato selfies for Niall. Moving on to the call box of doom, the two Larries currently rocking out in there seem to dig “Strong” the best (as you do), and Zayn, valiantly battling someone in his ears, politely whispers, “You can crack on listening,” before shutting the door softly.

The VT of randomness from New Zealand prompts Liam to ask, “Zayn, what did you get up to in New Zealand?” (the answer is getting a snake tattoo that’s one of Liam’s favorites on him, in case you’re wondering). But before we can ponder any of that too closely, it’s time for opera singer Rebecca to return for the excruciating opera version of tweets.

Scott’s on the scene to point out the obvious, i.e., Ziam makes it all look so easy, but this next segment is not for the faint of heart. The boys have to blindfold each other (!!) and then feel up crew members to see if they can identify them. Whyyyyy is this so tender:

Someone else blindfolds Liam after he does Zayn (Liam, after it’s done: “Nobody touch me”), and there’s a brief moment where they can feel each other, and Zayn says, “That’s you, Liam,” and fuckkkk me up, wowwww, it’s a lot to take in:

 Anyway, they go on to feel up a lot of doughy white guys to see if they can blindly identify them, and AGAIN, it’s gross because Scott keeps encouraging them to feel this person up below the waist, too (note, they don’t know if it’s a guy or a girl). Fortunately, it’s a parade of doughy white guys until they get to Lou Teasdale, and Zayn identifies her immediately because she’s so fidgety.

We head over to another Google Hangout, and god, words cannot express how good Ziam is at this because even though the same shit happens here as it does in the last hour, these two handle it all like pros. I live for Zayn’s, “Have you been watching the whole show? Are we doing a good job?” with an intense amount of sincerity, and thank god these girls give him the thumbs up because they truly are.

My fave part of this segment is the girls who ask them what their first CD and concerts were. Liam says Linkin Park for CD and Gareth Gates for concert, which earns him boos from the homophobes in the studio, but warm hugs from me. Zayn, who answers this fan question to Liam instead of the girls who asked it, says he can’t remember his first CD, but his first gig was JLS with the boys, and wow, the first date realness here:

Zayn’s genuinely sweet throughout all of these fan segments, asking questions and being invested in the answers, dawwww. The last question is about where they get the inspiration for their dance moves, and Liam says he blags its, but Zayn is here to kill us all by saying, “My inspiration for dancing comes from you, Liam (Louis in the background: “hahahahaha”) because you’re such a good dancer,” and god, I’m not ready for this right now, tbh.

There’s a BSE VT from the fans before a bingo spin to figure out who to follow (again, just follow them all, what does it even matter at this point, ratcha fratcha). But the most annoying part of this bit is that even *I* can hear the in-air buzz of chatter from Ben’s team, so I cannot even imagine how annoying it is in actual ears, holy fuck.

Next up is a live link to Finland, to say hello to the fans who created a massive fanbook that Zayn carefully flips through and sincerely thanks everyone for creating. The VT he introduces next is Louis playing footie, and YES, look at this angel who’s only 22:

Naturally, there are LOADS of technical problems and fuckups, but it’s so refreshing to hear that “hahahahaha” in a massive, empty arena, and to see him practicing a sport he clearly loves.

We’re back with the poor bastards running the Guinness Book of World Records, this time with Liam’s ass smashing balloons (Zayn: “If he wins, do we get our names put down as well?”). The first time is a bust (ha) that ends up hurting Liam’s balls (how, I don’t know):

Everyone agrees they can do better, but Zayn’s not having any further fuckups as he literally coaches Sandy in the background about how best to hold the balloons so that Liam’s ass can smash them in the most efficient manner:

Sadly, it’s not enough to smash the record, much to everyone’s chagrin, but there’s no time to fret or redo, we're off to Stan teaching Zayn’s school to sing (ooops, the VT is incorrect, it’s Scott teaching the X Factor staff to sing “What Makes Your Beautiful,” and they’re the shittiest singers ever, so go off on judging people, I guess).

As per usual, the highlights are fucking horrific. Can’t wait for hour five!

#recap #1d day #hour 4

[nedraggett]

Thoughts on 2018

No need for me to be fancier than that!  And yeah I realize that nobody should be using Tumblr any more but until I figure out a proper revive of my old Wordpress site, this will do for now.

So anyway: I wrote this up for a private email list reflecting on the end of the year in terms of things I especially enjoyed culturally. Well, why not share it?

My year went very well — steady at work and in life, being 47 means more aches and pains but you have to learn to live with it.  The state of the world is something else again of course and we need not spend more time on the blazingly obvious.  That said, the history bug in me has been constantly intrigued by the slow drip of the investigations (and revelations) and were it all fiction, I’d be thoroughly enthralled instead of quietly apprehensive, of course.  November did provide some partial relief on that front so bring on the new year.  In terms of my own written work, nothing quite equalled my heart/soul going into last year’s Algiers feature for NPR, but my two big Quietus pieces this year — on Gary Numan’s Dance  and Ralph Bakshi’s Lord of the Rings  — were treats to write, while my presentation on the too-obscure Billy Mackenzie at PopCon was a great experience.

In terms of music this has been one of the most concert-heavy years I’ve spent.  Even having moved to SF in 2015 I only did the occasional show every so often — there was so much going on (even in a local scene lots of long-timers say has been irrevocably changed) that I was almost spoiled for choice, and part of me also just wanted to relax most nights.  But deaths like Prince’s and Bowie’s among many others served as a reminder that there’s no such thing as forever, and you never know what the last chance will be.  More veteran acts than younger ones in the end for me — greatest missed concert regrets this year included serpentwithfeet, Lizzo, Perfume Genius and Emma Ruth Rundle among the younger acts, while being ill when Orbital came through will be a lingering annoyance, still having never seen them live.  But the huge amount of shows I did see outweighed that, ranging from big arena stops like Fleetwood Mac to celebratory open-air free shows like Mexican Institute of Sound to small club sets by folks like Kinski, Six Organs of Admittance, Kimbra and many more, including, for the first time in years, a show in the UK, specifically a great performance by Roddy Frame of Aztec Camera.  If I absolutely had to grade my top picks among shows, Cruel Diagonals, Johnny Marr, Wye Oak, Peter Brotzmann/Keiji Haino, John Zorn/Terry Riley/Laurie Anderson, Laurie Anderson again separately, Nine Inch Nails, VNV Nation, Jarvis Cocker, Beak and, in terms of no real expectations turning into utter delight and thrills, a brilliant set by Lesley Rankine under her Ruby guise, with Martin Atkins on drums.  Best damn combination of righteous ire, hilarious raconteurism and compelling, unique approaches to how performance can work I’d seen in a while.  (As for recorded music in general, uh, endless?)

TV, as ever a bit sporadic, with a few things on my to-do list — still need to catch The Terror for sure, and what I saw of The Alienist looked good; I love both books so I need to see how it all worked out, similarly with the just-dropped version of Watership Down.  Pose I definitely need to catch up with since it sounds like Ryan Murphy stood out of the way to let the best possible team do the business on it, but my real unexpected delight of a show this year was also Murphy-based, American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace.  While not down the line perfect, it was absolutely more compelling than not, and in fact at its best was a shuddering combination of amazing music cue choices, a reverse structure that helped undercut any attempt at making Cunanan seem sympathetic or an antihero, and, at its considerable best, a ratcheting up of terror and horror that a friend said was almost Kubrickian, and I would have to agree.  And, frankly, Darren Criss really did the business as Cunanan, a controlled and powerful turn. Only a few of us seemed to be following it at the time, but when it scored all those Emmys, then while it was as much a reflection of Murphy’s status, it honestly felt well deserved.  Meantime, you’ll pry my addiction to all the RuPaul’s Drag Race incarnations from my cold dead hands but it’s the amazing online series that Trixie Mattel and Katya do, UNHhhh, which remains my comedy highlight of the year, with at least a few jaw-dropping/seize up laughing every episode. (Kudos as well for Brad Jones’s The Cinema Snob, ten years running online and still funny as fuck while digging up all kinds of cinematic horrors.) Also, tying back into music a bit, late recommendation for something you can only see on UK TV/streaming so far, but get yourself a VPN and seek out Bros: After the Screaming Stops, in which the two brothers in the late-80s monster hit pop band Bros (never had any traction here but pretty much owned the entire Commonwealth and beyond) try for a comeback.  It’s an unintentionally hilarious and harrowing portrait of two twins who have a LOT of issues, have clearly been through a LOT of therapy, but are still…not quite there.  UK friends said it was a combination of Spinal Tap, Alan Partridge and David Brent and they were ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 

Movies, less specifically to choose from — I remain an essentially sporadic populist when it comes to what I see in theaters, but I can say for sure that Spider-man: Into the Spiderverse is a hell of a thing and will almost certainly prove to be a real year-zero moment down the line.  Possibly the most affecting watch was Bohemian Rhapsody, in that I also saw this in the UK — in Brighton, which besides making me think of the band’s song “Brighton Rock” is also notably the country’s most LGBT-friendly city; those I was with felt the movie’s themes, successes and flaws/elisions deeply, and the constant discussion of it for the next few days was very rewarding. As for books, John Carreyrou’s Bad Blood, delving into Theranos and the amoral duo behind it, was properly enraging and compelling, while Beth Macy’s Dopesick, if not perfect, nonetheless adds to the good literature on the opioid crisis, while as ever indirectly calling into question who’s getting the focus and care now as opposed to in earlier times and places. My favorite music publications as such probably remain the two I most regularly write for, The Quietus and Daily Bandcamp, while Ugly Things is the print publication that I most look forward to with each issue, and am never disappointed. 

Podcasts now consist of a lot of my regular cultural engagement, kinda obvious but nonetheless true.  Long running faves include My Favorite Murder — Karen and Georgia are an amazing comedy team who have figured out how to reinterpret their anxieties in new ways — The Vanished, which at its best often casts a piercing eye on how official indifference from law enforcement is almost as destructive as their more obvious abuses (recent discovery The Fall Line does this as well, even more explicitly), Karina Longworth’s constantly revelatory Hollywood histories You Must Remember This, Patrick Wyman’s enjoyable history dives on Tides of History, my friend Chris Molanphy’s constantly excellent investigations into music chart history Hit Parade, the great weekly movie chats by MST3K vets Frank Conniff and Trace Beaulieu along with Carolina Hidalgo on Movie Sign With the Mads, and The Age of Napoleon, which really has hit my history wonk sweet spot.  New to me this year was It’s Just a Show,  a really wonderful episode by episode — but not in exact order — deep dive into every episode of MST3K ever, by two fun and thoughtful Canadian folks, Adam Clarke and Beth Martin. (Adam also cohosts a new podcast, A Part of Our Scare-itage, specifically looking at Canadian horror. It’s not just Cronenberg!). Among the excellent one-off series this year: American Fiasco by Men in Blazers’ Roger Bennett on the failed US World Cup attempt in 1998, Dear Franklin Jones, a story about the narrator’s experience growing up in a California cult and how his parents came to be followers in the first place, and the Boston Globe’s Gladiator, their audio accompaniment to their in-depth story of the life and ultimate fate of Aaron Hernandez. Finally, totally new series this year that quickly got added to my regular listening: American Grift, a casual and chatty look at various scams and schemes, overseen by Oriana Schwindt, The Eurowhat?, a running look at the Eurovision competition throughout the year from the perspective of two American fans, and The Ace Records Podcast, an often engaging series of one-off interviews with various musicians, fans and so forth by UK writer Pete Paphides (I highly recommend the interviews with Jon Savage and Sheila B). Hands down my two favorite totally new podcasts of the year were The Dream, a more formal story of American grifting in general hosted by Jane Marie — this first season’s focus was on multilevel marketing, and Marie and company’s careful way of seemingly backing into the larger story makes it all the more compelling and ultimately infuriating, especially in the current political climate — and the hilarious Race Chasers, a RuPaul’s Drag Race-celebrating podcast by two veterans of the show, Alaska and Willam, loaded with all kinds of fun, behind the scenes stuff, guests and an easy casualness from two pros that strikes the perfect balance between going through things and just shooting the shit.  Returning podcast I’m most looking forward to next year: the second season of Cocaine and Rhinestones, hands down.  Check out the first season for sure.

And there ya go!  Keep fighting all your respective good fights.

[studiousbees]

Language learning when busy

Hello, everyone! This post is not about any language in specific but about learning languages in general. A lot of us have a lot to do in our daily lives! Work, school, family, friends... what about study time? Today, I'd like to talk about making a study schedule that fits in your schedule and, most importantly, works for you.

Multiple intelligences

Before we actually talk about scheduling, let's talk about learning. To maximize your studies, you need to know how you learn the best. For this, you should know which of the multiple intelligences suit you best. The theory of multiple intelligences was created by a man called Howard Gardner. He suggested that there are many ways of taking in and processing information, and some work better for some people than others. The multiple intelligences are:

visual-spatial

— People with high visual-spatial intelligence are good at tasks that require manipulation of things in space, and things related to images. Art might be their thing! Things like making webs to show related vocabulary and drawing pictures or otherwise using images and charts to link with next concepts are helpful here.

kinesthetic

— Kinesthetic intelligence is related to being in tune with physical motion of the body. Manipulating physical objects, relating words and terms with motions, and doing activities that require movement like acting things out are all helpful for people with high Bodily-kinesthetic intelligence.

musical-rhythmic

— This one is of course related to one's musicality and sense of rhythm. Using audio materials, using music to help learn and remember concepts, and even just having some music playing while studying can help!

interpersonal

— If you have high interpersonal intelligence, you learn well when you interact with others. Getting involved in language exchanges or study groups could help you a lot.

intrapersonal

— High intrapersonal intelligence is related to knowing and being at home with oneself. More quiet, solitary, reflective study might be your thing.

verbal-linguistic

— High verbal-linguistic intelligence is related to being good at manipulating words. Of course, this does not mean that people with high verbal-linguistic intelligence are automatically good at languages! If you fall into this category, try to use the words and grammar you use in more creative ways, such as creative writing. Also, your natural skill will words might help you draw more information from written sources.

logical-mathematical

— If you have high logical-mathematical intelligence, you are probably good at reasoning and finding trends and patterns. It's important to build concepts up upon each other to understand the big idea and then get into the detective work of investigating grammar and vocabulary more closely to see how they're related.

naturalistic

— This eighth intelligence was added after the first seven had already been published. Nature-related intelligence is concerned with how in tune one is with the world around them. I honestly am not too familiar with this one as a concept. However, I think that finding ways to naturally encounter language would help people with high naturalistic intelligence. Also, I think that their sensitivity to things around them would help them to pick up on body language and pragmatic nuance.

Of course, these multiple intelligences are not absolute, and everyone has all of them in a variety of degrees. Still, thinking about which categories you fit into best can help you to start thinking about what might help you to learn best.

Setting aside time for study

One of the biggest hurdles to overcome when studying on a schedule is time. Studying a little bit each day is more effective than studying a lot just once every few days! Try to get a big study session or two in at least once or twice a week. On other days, you can do shorter sessions to review the words and grammar you encountered in your main study sessions. The important thing is to set aside the time for it. If you do not make an effort to set aside the time for something, then chances are you just will not do it, especially if you're already pressed as it is.

I personally have a planner in which I write down my goals, study-wise and otherwise, for the day. I check each item off the list as I complete it... and I hate having to mark an X for incomplete on anything! This works for me. However, if you need more structure, set apart a designated block of time for study. I recommend at least 30 minutes, but that is ultimately up to you. Mark down your study time somewhere—maybe you think 8 to 8:30 is the prime study time. C0mmit to that time and make it a habit!

Study time does not have to be pure study time

Don't feel too pressured to make every study session a real bring-out-the-big-books session! Your study time can be time spent doing other things as well—listening to dialogues or doing flashcards during your commute, listening to a foreign podcast in the background while doing math homework, watching a show in your target language as your nightly TV time... any way you can fit in that exposure!

If the thought of studying becomes stressful, take a break

If you find that you are actively avoiding study for whatever reason or that your study schedule is stressing you out, take a step back and reevaluate. Your health, both physical and mental, are more important than your studies! Make sure to take some time for yourself every day in the midst of your busy life!

Remember that missing a study session is not a failure

Learning is not a race! Life happens and sometimes we get off track a bit. When it happens, on those days you can't check your study off of the to-do list, don't feel bad about it! As long as you can commit to getting back on the study train, a few days down here and there won't hurt :)

As always, happy studying~!

#study tips #learning languages #learning languages when busy #time management #study schedule #studyblr #langblr

[edgeofthedales]

A short birthday tribute to Robert Hardy

A little over a year ago today, Robert Hardy passed away at the age of 91. Had he lived, today would have been his 93th birthday.

(Image credit: The Stage)

Having only become aware of his work late last year, I know there are fans who are far more knowledgeable about his life and work and who could give a much more comprehensive analysis of his life and work. So, this essay will not be that.

Instead, I’d like to talk about what makes him stand out to me.

I actually had been introduced to him many years ago in the film adaptation of Jane Austin’s Sense and Sensibility. Hardy played Sir John Middleton, a kindly if boisterous member of the local gentry who shows compassion to the Dashwood sisters and whose first appearance onscreen involves having a pack of dogs travel with him in his carriage (shades of things to come, for me….). At the time, he mainly stayed in the sidelines for me although that was only because he was one in a cast of wonderful actors within a superb period film.

(Image credit: Frock Flicks)

Back then, I was rather ambivalent to period dramas and even more so to romantically themed ones, but Sense and Sensibility won me over with the high caliber of acting and film-making…of which Hardy certainly played a role.

It wasn’t until years later though, that he actually caught my eye in one of the roles he was probably best known for: Siegfried Farnon on All Creatures Great and Small.

(Image credit: Getty Images)

I had enjoyed the James Herriot books immensely when I was a teenager, but never thought to seek out the TV series until late last year. Originally, it was because I had recently became interested in Peter Davison’s work, first on Doctor Who and then on the vintage mystery series, Campion. Thus, I had fully expected to enjoy All Creatures if only to re-acquaint myself with Herriot’s charming stories and enjoy one of Davison’s most popular roles.

What I didn’t expect was how quickly I became intrigued with Hardy’s Siegfried Farnon. I remembered Siegfried as an explosive, eccentric and yet compassionate character from the books. Hardy, however, gave him even more depth on the TV series. Siegfried became hypocritical and yet charming, temperamental and yet loyal, whimsical and yet possessing sharp, clever mind.

Hardy did not shy away one inch from Siegfried’s flaws and instead showed us how those flaws were simply part of the ultimately warm, kind-hearted and yet complex person that Siegfried was. We wouldn’t want Siegfried to change who he was one bit, flaws and all, and it takes a true acting gift to bring a character like that to life while maintaining that careful balance of shortcomings and noble qualities.

Hardy also did plenty of other things besides All Creatures, of course. One thing that I enjoyed in particular was how he made use of his voice for readings and audio plays. Hardy uses pauses, changes in tone and pitch to add interest to his readings of works like H.G Wells’ The Time Machine.  I would love to hear how he handed Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes stories, but sadly, have not come across any of his audio-book readings.

Speaking of Holmes, Hardy did manage to have one role on the Granada adaptations of the Holmes stories: that of Sir Charles Milverton from the story, The Master Blackmailer. The episode is one of the longest in the Granada series for the short stories, and honestly, I can understand the temptation to spend more time with this one. Hardy makes Milverton an absolutely terrible character: condescending, odious, callous and smarmy. He doesn’t resort to the clichéd mustache-twirling techniques too many use when crafting truly evil villains. He doesn’t have to. There is an edge of danger to his Milverton that comes through despite his lack of making few direct threats.

(Image credit: I hear of Sherlock)

In fact, I think this is something that Hardy excelled at. Many of the characters he played, be they heroes or villains, were often a perfect blend of charm and menace. The mix ensured that his good guys were never too bland and that his villains remained thoroughly watchable.

One set of roles that absolutely required this sort of mix is the other series that I know Hardy best for: Hot Metal, a comedy series from the mid-80s. Hot Metal was a satire on the rise of tabloid journalism in general and on the infamous press figure, Rupert Murdoch in particular. It was an over-the-top, brutal satire of how this brand of journalism fueled an atmosphere of distrust, misinformation, and political polarization in the media and, if anything, is even more relevant today than it was back when it was on the air.

In this series, Hardy has the duel role of Terence “Twiggy” Rathbone (a clear spoof of Murdoch), a multimillionaire businessman who buys out The Daily Crucible, a failing newspaper, and Russell Spam, the editor Twiggy hires to steer the Crucible however he wishes. Both Twiggy and Russell are terrible in their own ways with Twiggy leaning toward egotism and vindictiveness and Russell having nonexistent scruples about getting the latest scoop and increasing readership.

However, despite the fact that these two are far from the protagonists of the show, Hardy manages to keep both Twiggy and Russell entertaining and intriguing. Yes, they are villains, but Hardy is wise enough to figure out that the show could get dreadfully dreary fast if he didn’t also give them an odd sort of charisma which makes it easy to laugh at them and with them even while they are being awful.

I think a detail that sums up a facet of Hardy’s acting best is a moment when Twiggy is being interviewed about his plans for the Crucible. During this interview, Twiggy tries to insist that he’s a “life-long socialist” and friend to the workers (both of which are categorically untrue). While he is spinning his lies, he has a charming smile on his face, but he is also playing with a letter opener, brandishing it like a weapon, like he fully plans on stabbing someone in the back. It’s the perfect quirk to remind us what is really lurking below the surface of Twiggy’s apparent goodwill.

It’s also the sort of detail that Hardy is a master at, going beyond just his dialogue and where his mark is onscreen to bring these characters to life.

Even toward the end of his life, Hardy demonstrated a true skill at giving depth to his characters, no matter how brief their time onscreen was. In Familia, short film by independent filmmaker, James Murray showcases this. Here, Hardy has his last film performance as Sir Ashton Leonard, a very old man who apparently has shown up for a driving lesson and ends up in a revealing conversation with the instructor, Nina. Although we are limited to watching him converse with Nina in a car, Hardy gives us a lovely, bittersweet snapshot of a man who is contemplating years gone by and the end that is surely coming soon. He does this with how his expression mirrors (or sometimes reveals) the emotions Leonard is working through during this conversation.

Honestly, I’m not sure how anyone can keep a completely dry eye when Leonard says “where I’m going, you can’t take anything with you.” It’s a heartbreaking thought, but Hardy delivers it with a quiet insight that is peaceful rather than depressing.

Perhaps that is the heart of what made Hardy such an extraordinary actor: his insight. His commitment to his characters to make them as real and as impactful as they could be, even if that impact was mainly about inspiring a laugh or sheer entertainment.

There is a lot more of Hardy’s work that I have left to discover and sadly, none of it will happen while he is still alive. However, I like to think that he’d enjoy the thought of people coming to know him through his work long after his death.

(Image credit: Move Nocitias)

So happy birthday Sir Robert Hardy (yes, he was never knighted, but really should have been). Thank you for leaving so much to those of us who will miss you.

#Random #Robert Hardy

[aurimeanswind]

Back to Business—Sunday Chats 8-19-18

Okay. So Sunday Chats. How do I do this again? Oh yeah. Writing and whatnot.

Let’s get Started.

The Business Update

So as I’m sure you can tell, if you tuned into Irrational Passions Podcast two nights ago, follow IP on Twitter, or just see the silly shit I do on social media, I’ve been really busy. Sunday Chats has taken that hit, and as I don’t write everyday anymore nor am I writing every Sunday, it’s likely there is no reality I can do these on a weekly basis like I used to. Still, I’d like to work in at least once a month, which is what I have been doing. I know that’s not the pace I was setting back in the heyday of writing everyday, but I’d say I’m generally less stressed and the writing I produce is generally better than it was towards the end of me writing every day. Meaning maybe I made the right choice by decided to put a nice end cap to that journey? Maybe not.

I’ve been far more in a managing role since then, and the thing I do the most now is the thing I love to do the most, host and guest host on podcasts! My podcast output has been up about 300% the last couple months I feel, and that makes me super happy. It’s what I love to do. And with a ton of new shows coming to IP, I’m happy to be a part of them.

So let’s get the update out there. Here are some things we are doing/launching with Irrational Passions that I’m excited about, and I think you should be too!

Irrational Passions Podcast is now on Spotify! So is Input: A Video Games News Show, so if you’re a podcast listener on Spotify, I’ve got great news for you! Get Acquainted should be up there soon too!

Input has officially changed its format to focus on one news story per episode on a more intimate basis. There is still room for more traditionally formatted episodes, but episodes may be coming out faster and more frequently per week, with more focus on single stories and topics. I’m really excited about this change. Give it a listen!

Irrational Passions Presents is a new audio feed coming to podcast services around the globe, that will be home to Article Reads, one off interviews, and maybe other cool little stuff. I’m excited for the possibility it brings, and am stoked to have that out there!

Irrational Passions Video Game Book Club is a new monthly show coming TOMORROW. It launches Monday August 20th with the first part of Batman Arkham Asylum. Each game we will be splitting into three checkpoints, and discussing with varying groups of Irrational Passions members. Scott White has been spearheading and editing this show, and he has done a phenomenal job with it. Shoutout to Scott!

Podcast Ultimate, our Super Smash Bros Ultimate Podcast hosted by Mike Burgess, CONTINUES next week, with episode two all about the recent Smash Direct. We talked for about two and a half hours and it was a blast. Give that a listen on YouTube, which is still currently the only space it is and will be available. Working on possible other options in the near future.

PAX West 2018 is coming up, and much like PAX East 2018, we are coming in FULL FORCE.

I’ll be there, alongside Scott White, Logan Wilkinson and Mike Burgess.

We’ll be rooming with the fine folks from OKBeast.com, and we’ll be doing a crossover podcast with them LIVE on Twitch and YouTube on Friday, August 31st, at 9pm Pacific Daylight Time.

I’ll also be representing Irrational Passions at the Kinda Funny Interwebsite Peer Schneider Cup Tournament or whatever its called in the Hydra Theatre on Saturday September 1st at 7pm PDT. Come see me! Support me! Or just say hi! I am absolutely going to lose, but I’m going to try my best!

So a lot of this is the culmination of things we’ve been working on for a while. The Book Club especially we’ve been working on since February. Everyone is hard at work and CRUSHING it, in addition to the reviews, podcasts, and opinion pieces we will continue to put out. Jurge called this the “IP Direct” on Twitter because this is our Nintendo-direct level of announcements. We’ve been working hard and will continue to do so going forward, and while that may mean we can’t sit and chat EVERY Sunday, I still plan on making time for all of you once a month at least.

A big part of that, as some folks may have seen, is I’ll be soliciting questions for Sunday Chats on Saturdays now. So it’s the same deal outside of that, look for my tweet that has the hashtag #SundayChats in it, just look for it on Saturdays now. It gives me time to get things done and organized a bit easier and faster, and cuts less into my day off now, which will hopefully streamline the process.

That all being said, I’m going to skip game talk this time and go right into...

Questions!

Let’s get to it.

Whoa boy a lot to unpack here. I’ll go one at a time now.

Selfie Saturday has officially become Selfie Sundays. Sorry for the lack of warning all, but selfies aren’t going away anytime soon.

Am I concerned? No. Not after this last direct. You’ll hear me talk about it on this next Podcast Ultimate but for me the new Smash Bros would not be “ultimate” if there wasn’t a story mode in it. And there appears to be one, going off this recent teaser in the direct. I know it’s dumb, but as someone who predominantly plays Smash by himself, it’s honestly super important to me to have that. I think that’ll be new and I think that’ll be really exciting too!

I think as a game they will likely hope to update and support for a while to come, coming out two years into the Switch’s life and I think the Switch will be around for a while to come, that they are just teeing this up to have tons of stuff either in expansions and DLC later, and have as much in the base as it can. Smash fans I think want all the stuff from the previous games, and I think there are plenty of quality of life things that make this new as well. Like, the Wii U game was so good, but missed those QoL improvements that really stopped it from being great. Plus, it was on a platform that no one had. Now everyone has a Switch, and anyone can stop and say “let’s play Smash” and have folk break out the Switch to play Smash at any event or whatever. That’s a big deal. It’s kind of what they wanted the 3DS game to be, but even that version of the game was neutered compared to it’s same-release Wii U counterpart. Now it’s the best of both worlds, it’s a loving culmination of Smash itself and everything that’s made Smash great up until this point, and I’m crazy stoked for it.

So the Filip stuff is tricky. I haven’t really talked about it too much publicly, but the more comes out about it the more upset I get. To be perfectly honest? Yeah. I’m really pissed about it. But me getting angry helps literally no one. I took English and Journalism class super seriously, going through what little college I did. And I’m sure someone like Greg Miller would say the same being someone who went through actual journalistic training, for more than me, plagiarism is super fucked. And Filip built a career on it.

It makes me lose faith in the system of getting hired at a place like IGN. It helps reinforce those things you hear about folk that are hired out that they are just picking from a very specific pool that meet a specific vision for that place. And that hurts me. Because I would like to think and hope the quality of my work and my worth ETHIC above all and anything else, having done all I have done on a weekly basis for almost a decade would be enough. But clearly it isn’t.

But I’d rather not harp on too much about it. I do believe in good karma, and what goes around comes around, and so I will continue to push my positivity out into the world, and hope it does something good for me.

No, I cannot ride a bike. I know it’s crazy, and I know Jacob Bryant has trouble believing it.

The day I decided was the last day I’d try and learn how to ride a bike was the summer when I was maybe six or seven. At the house I grew up in there was this hill near the opening of our drive way. I took the training wheels of my Bike and went to the top of the hill. I said “this is the day. Make or break,” and I got my legs up on the Bike. I was either going to ride down that hill and keep riding, or fail and fall over and give up on riding a Bike for the rest of my life.

I pulled my legs up and....

Well, I immediately fell to the right and scraped up my knee and leg. I didn't even make it down the hill a little bit. I started quietly crying to myself, because I was like, six, took my Bike, put it in the garage, and went inside to play video games.

That was the last time I ever rode a bike.

Listen, so many folks have been coming to me saying how Video Game Book Club took inspiration from their show or whatever JON. One, it wasn’t even my idea. I did have the idea to split each game into three checkpoints.

But my MAIN INSPIRATION for the show was actually Rebel FM’s book club. The only one I heard them do was Dead Space 2, a phenomenal game. I know a lot of video game book clubs exist though, and for example Mike’s big inspiration for his ideas in the club was the GameInformer Book Club. Basically, no one is original.

I have a ton of stuff on Audible that I need to finish listening to. I do not read at all, because I’m awful, so I just listen to books. A couple I really adored and finished earlier this year were the King Killer Chronicles books. The first two in the trilogy are out, and hopefully the third will come out sometime ever in my life. They’re by Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind and A Wise Man’s Fear. Super good. Amazing world building and a huge focus on currency, which I really liked.

I really want to finish Ready Player One, I got about two thirds into it and really liked it. I also grabbed Altered Carbon, the Dark Tower 1, and You’re Never Weird on the Internet, Felicia Day’s autobiography. Those are the ones on my shelf right now.

I’ve been following some of the Tweets. I love it. I’m also going through them again with the Three Best Friends Podcast folks in a Limited Run series they’re doing, featuring: me! All about Kingdom Hearts. The first two episodes should be out now, and they’re crazy fun.

Of those three, I think Birth By Sleep is the clear winner, and it’s really because it is the only “complete game” out of the three. What I mean is there isn’t kind of, revisiting or rehashing in it. 358/2 and Chain of Memories both rely so heavily on the Kingdom Hearts 1 worlds, especially Chain of Memories, while introducing their own stories that are both very good I think, Chain of Memories being the far, far, far better one for me personally, but the repetition in both still hurts it so much.

Birth By Sleep has the issue of revisiting its OWN bullshit like seven times in that game as you play through all three stories, and that sucks, but at least it isn’t something you’ve seen in a Kingdom Hearts game before. While I think the systems in BBS are rough around the edges, later to be better realized in a KH3D or even Kingdom Hearts 3 itself, the character work in that game makes it special. Terra/Ven/Aqua is a story you are AS invested in, if not more so, than the original Sora/Riku/Kairi story. And so it is this very intimate story for fans of the series I think.

That and playing it is just the best. Especially on PS4 where I recently played it. It just feels better with twin stick controls. It’s crazy grind-y if you’re trying to do everything, sure, but all the games are in their own way in that regard.

It’s funny how mechanically KH3D is the best of the handheld attempts at side stories, but it muddles the story the most. It’s a double edged sword, where they kept going until they got it right, and in a way they did irreparable damage to the story along the way because of it.

I really don’t know. I know it’s dumb and little but I’d really love to hit 1000 subscribers on YouTube. Super inspired by the work the OKBeast folks have done with their channel, and basically Mike Burgess has single-handedly turned our YouTube output up a notch. But not just him, he has got Jurge doing video reviews too, and with Scott White’s video talents finally being shown in Book Club, they’re got me inspired to get more work up there again too. It helps especially knowing it’s not just me.

But the big long team goal is outside fo 2018, which is to go to E3 as a team in 2019. That’s the big goal.

Downloading it to my Xbox One now. Hit me up. We’ll play.

That’s the end. That’s it. That’s all she wrote. And by she I mean me, in this case. I’m excited about the future of IP, I’m excited about the stuff we are doing, that I am doing, and while it’s a ton of work and a lot of stress, it’s the stuff I live for. It’s very rewarding hugely in part to the team that is doing it and how we are working together. Stick with us, and I promise we won’t let you down. Please god hopefully, at least.

Do me a favor until then.

keep it real.

#video games #gaming #kingdom hearts #questions #Alex o'neill #sunday chats #sundaychats

[davidjjohnston3]

1. Others' innocence can make us feel more alive and cleanly but we have sooner or later to 'cleanse the inside of your own cup' (Jesus).

2. I miss 'sis.'  That's all. I'm not married at 36.5 but someone did say, 'as a sister.'

3. I listened to Sowon's cover of 'Happy' and wrote a letter to Taeyeon on Instagram that she said something nice to.

4. I have several wishes pace Pope Francis' 'Come Let Us Dream' in the Covid era.  One of these is to move to Korea of course again, another to move to LA, and another to publish under the imprint of (Mrs.) Catherine Cho's literary imprint as 'Inferno' was terrifying to me in a good way and I too encountered both racism, antagonism towards introverts and quiet people, warehousing by TV, and other forms of evil and crime in the mental healthcare system from people who just want money or, worse in a way, fun and PRIDE.  I also think now that the mental healthcare system in Milwaukee Conuty was designed to give nursing school graduates either an 'easy money' job or exposure to a new Nazi-like system pace abortion-culture under the Democratic Party (including at least one Asian sadly; Andrew Yang), in which the mentally abnormal are considered second-class citizens if not Hitlerian 'life unworthy of life.' My parents are Democrats incidentally and fully support this.

5. I am pro-life 100%; I was going to be aborted and my biological 'father in law' still wants to post-partum-abort me; I could describe the spiritual realization but it's anatomical as well as literally electric.  I hope and pray the pro-life movement will be able to present a living paradigm whereby the value of orphan life can be demonstrated and God glorifide in a literal 'spirit of adoption' or at least a very good orphanage.  This has been part of my dream or 'ghost' since at least 2010.

6. I was driving to see Bethlehem Baptist Church + Bethlehem College and Seminary in Minneapolis and felt a crucifying energy from the church; I also thought about Monica and the 'white garments' of righteousness and covered sin ('white as snow' - Isaiah).  

7. I don't want to 'nuke the Johnston clan' but as I was brutally attacked by both my parents in a campaign involving widespread exaggeration lying to both biomedical professionals / sci-tech establishment as well as civil authority (police) I have written some notes and passages of a 'purple and gold' project, 'Johnston Family Promises; or How Easter Became April Fools,' which could be characterized as a parody of self-destruction, specifically self-post-partum-abortion by reversing the fact that medical doctor brain trust thought I'd be born on April Fool's but was actually born on Easter Sunday in Los Angeles, CA.  

8. I just want a future at this point however as my biological 'family' turned violently against me and I am in the position of 'gathering in the summer' (Proverbs).

9. I thought, 'an authentic love'... I love Changrae Lee also but it took me a long time to understand the spiritual 'Requiem' sense of his best book, by far, 'The Surrendered.'  Koreans I sometimes think are the one race or rather _ _ now taking the past seriously without throwing away the future.  With Secretary Pompeo I feel America could fall in on itself or at least on people like me, including many vulnerable loved ones of all of yours, my Facebook friends.

10. On a lighter note I like (Ms. / Artist) Kim Taeyeon's 'Cover Up' - 'I can't cover up my heart.'  

11. I still like Baskin Robbins Pineapple Coconut thoguh for some reason it makes me think of being a billionaire world-saving commerce-warrior in financial triller Michael Kim's 'Offerings.''

12. I gave the wrong things to the wrong people and made them worse; I expect to be judged by Moses as well as my former teacher-trainers and mentors for being 's/Sensei' who failed his students in both senses of fail (gave them F's and failed to teach them things that made them 'better').  It was a traumatic experience that made me feel demoted from EdAdmin that I had just been offered to wanting to assist-teach K4 or Spec/ExcepEd.  That's what you get for 'adult education' / being honest with Boomers about your thoughts, feelings, and decades of study.  I think Confuciu would say you can't teach constructively who have no sense of shame (old American whites), and moreover participate in a rape-culture including both literal rape, sex-traficking, university campus-culture, porneia,

13. I haven't yet had an EKG but could have experienced acute idiopathic cardiac distress from the Pfizer vaccine since too many beautiful women ages 11-80 all love me.  I thought a while back at 36, 'How to use my last half of my life.'  Then suddenly with pericardial effusion on my mind I thought, 'What to do with 3 months to 2.8 years.'  I wanted to go to Korea; I saw a Servants of Christ video where she was in Korea walking by a river to 'I Need Thee Every Hour' a Christian hymn to Jesus about absolute dependency, 'most precious Lord.'  I remembered Psalm 23 and a time I just wanted to be buried in a certain cemetery in Incheon.  Some other things happened involving my marital future, 'Skinship,' but now I am hoping for at least 5-10 years as the acute issues have mostly settled down and I am a clever self-dietician.  Honestly though with the state of healthcare in Wisconsin I thought about purchasing a needle myself for a pericardocentesis to drain the H2O.  

14. I have one writing-project I might not complete but I feel a solid start that could / should be published about abortion-culture and based on 'Love in Color,' a popular song by a no-longer-pop-idol.  

15. I still think about expositing American literature but suddenly 'The Old New World' means more to me; the old Midwestern novel, 'Winterlight,' 'My Soul at Night.'  And, 'The Magnificent Ambersons,' destined love.  I had a student in Korea who would be the card-carrying image of Lucy Morgan if they adapted it in addition to Mark Helprin's 'In Sunlight and in Shadow.'  

16. I am (too?) afraid of the Cross of Gold.  America getting rich.  China's 'moderately prosperous nation' i.e. Get Middle Class or Die (and Take World w/ Us) Tryinng.'  I want to be poor and poor-in-spirit except that I love some people who could use the money.  That is part of why I think about Michael B. Kim.

17. I like green peas, peanut butter, and blueberries.

18. The best audiobook I read lately is almost holy to me, 'Inferno' by Catherine Cho but 'Forgotten God' by Francis Chan is also incredible.  I listen to it while sleeping on audio and it always seems to wake me up at the perfect moment.  

19. I finally figured out an 'audience' as well.  If I could finally write a couple novels with a 'professional' utterance in addition to 'Love in Color' my 'caritas et amor' homage to a beautiful song and also something on the Covid era and old and young.  Like Pastor John MacArthur, or with him / following him I just feel like the whole point of Covid was to give people a chance to do better by / with kids.  'We plant the trees; our children enjoy the shade' - a Chinese proverb that the orthodox preacher / shepherd John MacArthur cites nonetheless. The American Families Plan.  Also even more (AUTHENTIC, non-guru-guff, non-fetishistic, non-trends-based) professionalization and humane policing and children's rights within the South Korean public and private schooling sectors.

20. I had one grand project as well called 'The Distant Lights of Seoul' that is kind of my take on 'In Sunlight and in Shadow' but it evolved in to something more personal that that's all... a trip I thought of taking, in the days when I was unsure whether to be the new or old.

21. I remember the most anguished summer of my life till now was 2003.  'Deep Inside of You' by 3EB.  'I would change myself if I could / I would walk with my people if I could find them / and I'd say I'm sorry to you.'  Coincidentally I went on an 'icy-hot' date with a hyper-beautiful woman at the cafe-bar where Jenkins wrote 'Motorcycle Driveby.'

22. I made a 'partial audiobook' of the early Psalms - particularly 5, about God defending - and had a beautiful experience like reading to children.

23. I don't want to broaden myself out too much physically or experientially; I'm afraid of becoming mentally American.  'Leaving Babylon, Leaving America, Leaving Milwaukee, Leaving.'  My homage to Madison Kwon Eunbi as well, theme-music 'Eraser.'  But I have to be a better man to approach my new _.

24. My original 'Korea project' was called 'Transferring to Line Zero' and like many Millennial writers in 2010 I tried to sound like a Haruki Murakami narrator but my experience turned out to be more like Kazuo Ishiguro, Marcel Proust.  I aimed for whisky but got wine.  I wish I could write this as I know for whom.  IDK if anyone cares though as Millennials almost all had 'these.'  I just wish I could make something of it instead of seeming like 'Acute Fangirl's No. 1 Fanboy.'  There wasn't a 'zero.'  

25. I had a crush on Dreamcatcher JiU 'Lily Kim' I saw once in Chicago - 'prettier in real life' is a good way to zonk people out into falling in love with a picture - but I saw a picture of her in traditional Joseon garment and just thought, 'cordial neighbor.'  That's all.

26. I used to write 'nuke Harvard' self-hyper-fanfiction about me v. the more customary winners and my ideal project is 'The Chinaman (or Chinese Poet) at American-Korean Thanksgiving.'

27. remembering my 2003 self / poet persona

akaka soru no

I thought about snow falling on velvet.  I got in trouble in the neighborhood. I liked Red Velvet's 'Wish Tree.'  I liked Wendy Son and Kim Yerim. A noble name, Son Seungwan, I'll say it once.

Maoists.  I read 'Wild Swans.'   I wanted to join you in your sadness and your beauty but I wasn't being Kawabata Yasunari. I don't want to generalize about my love for you but I don't believe in things either; Time disappears; mathematics inspires my disbelief; I think it can change.

'I love other people.'

What is it when parents grow old Do they go in to a new world They go to Heaven before us They know about being young

Wine, Elizabeth Strout novel 'Protestant endurance' in the old Midwest 'We are different from everybody'

The only question a bomb-threat at the school after 9.11 'Sospiro' fioritura In those days they were innocent 'I would take you seriously' (if I were a teacher) Now they try to be like New Yorkers I am not home

The poem that belonged to everyone flower a flower Can the passive-aggressive therapist Chinese girlfriend tea in the morning 'If I had to live with you'

the children of tomorrow where understanding ends require a world

a walk by the river i was old then carrying something i knew how to cook i knew how to live you sang 'dream' i said something like someone once said to me my old love contacted me via e-mail she said she had become materialistic and Republican she looked really good / happy married with kid after Covid-19 anaesthesiologist

28. Dov Danilov had abjected himself; he was known; on one cared.  The only decisive or critical factor... There was that armored 'girlfriend of steel' or perhaps better-than-girlfriend, the trial by ordeal, the one-look judgmentality, but it was all the past.  There was 'When You Are Old' and there had always been the presence of the Other like in 'The New World' with Pocahontas and John Smith; 'Who are you that haunts my dreams?'  That was a gooood movie.  He watched 'The Last Samurai' back in the day and didn't take it seriously but believed it contained good 'advices.'  There was Manheim Wagner's 'Korea: How You Feel' that had a great photo that seemed to mean something about the author's feelings but the book was all about illegal narcotics and sex-trafficking.  There was 'Brother One Fell' but it was all about masturbation and poor diet and illegal narcotics and what the Native Amerrian Indian shepherd-scholar hda called 'Mental Europeanness.'   The shepherd-scholar called himself a 'sheep-rancher.'  It was RU, 2005 autumn. 'Being known and ont cared for,' like HAndong from Dreamcatcher.  Maybe, it was the beginning of the end of the nightmare. - I could eat again a little if I got another love-letter from a female student... or even another bouquet from a gay male student... Maybe I'll mrary a North Korean woman after reunification... Remember 'Honey and Clover?' - Good song. - It's an anime-drama.  Originally it was a dorama.  Pramodh liked it before BLM stole his soul and he death-threated me with Cannibal COrpse and hate.  'Moon River' on pianoforte.  

- 'The Remains of DJ.'  'LA Dream.'  'Red Mansion Dream.'  'Pandemic of Honesty.'  'At the End of the Winter-Light; the Last of the Good Old Wisconsin Blue.'  'John Updike R

and I am not ashamed while my love is near me and I know it will be so till it's time to go So count the storms of winter and then the birds in spring again

'doctrine of unconditional evil'

29. My father acted in a really scary obsessive fashion toward me lately and now suddenly he is just eating and drinking.  

30. Jesus Himself said in the Gospel not to curse your parents.

31. I thought something about 'Sentimental Education' lately.

32. A while ago I wanted to write or read 'stories about families.'

33. I want to return to my '2003' project that predicted bioweapons and stuff but not really.

If I were redoing it I might just make it about 'Honesty' and instead of magic assassins it would be the medical doctor charged with mitigating bioweapon magic damage and the FBI agent investigating the bad guys.  Psalm 5.

34. Wanting to be the spiritual-intellectual successor to Bruce Cumings (hyper-meta historiography of the Korean War and, by extension, Covid, the world, Christ / CHristology, and the problems with non-Asia-based E. Asian Studies academicians or anyone who lacks Confucian scholar-gentleman / 'sunbi' / Scholar in Kingdom of Heaven sincerity).  China buries corrrput intellectuals alive.

35. 'Final Offer' in Time (on Pres. Moon Jaein).  'Peace in Our Time?'  Blessed are the peacemakers; blessed are the pure in heart.  

36. IDK if it's worth saying but - dept. of Anti-Christology or study of Antichrist - the 'first world' as it used to be called by and large seemed to be trending towards Imperium.  I honestly feel as if Barack Obama could be pulling the strings from within the CIA building and David Cameron adn Angela Merkel are in charge of all of Europe, while POpe Francis holds suzerainty of influence if not command-authority over the Spanish-speaking world.  IDK if there is meaningful dissent outside of a few republic-nations such as Poland and South Korea, who paradoxically take on a posture of what Park Chunghee callde 'itnernational responsiblity' despite a history of atrocious suffering and monoethnic somewhat xenophobic traditional social makeup.

37. Flaubert's notes to his supreme masterpiece 'Sentimental Education'... I'll just say... How he taught Frederic Moureau to fall in love with Marie Arnoux; taught himself how to LOVE Marie both before the beginning and after the end of being 'in love' with this mother-paramour.  

That said, I still remember the days when I had 'optimism' and someone said, '[woman] is happy because of you.'

38. I can't write more but do have specific goals, chiefly, master Korean and learn all the basic facts.  Professionals and experts believe in facts; as my Russian Yale MBA friend used to say, 'I am a scientist.'

I wish I had a profession... 'literary criticism of life?'  I am interested in 'the condition of fiction' and 'the logic of pulverization' but I just track John MacArthur.  I need to reconstitute my body and mind then maybe...

Dreams of [doctoral degrees].

39. 2 Timothy, Acts 2, Thessalonians, Revelation, in the Covid era.

40. Dreaming of Bethlehem College and Seminary.

41. Dov Danilov had abjected himself; he was known; on one cared.  The only decisive or critical factor... There was that armored 'girlfriend of steel' or perhaps better-than-girlfriend, the trial by ordeal, the one-look judgmentality, but it was all the past.  There was 'When You Are Old' and there had always been the presence of the Other like in 'The New World' with Pocahontas and John Smith; 'Who are you that haunts my dreams?'  That was a gooood movie.  He watched 'The Last Samurai' back in the day and didn't take it seriously but believed it contained good 'advices.'  There was Manheim Wagner's 'Korea: How You Feel' that had a great photo that seemed to mean something about the author's feelings but the book was all about illegal narcotics and sex-trafficking.  There was 'Brother One Fell' but it was all about masturbation and poor diet and illegal narcotics and what the Native Amerrian Indian shepherd-scholar hda called 'Mental Europeanness.'   The shepherd-scholar called himself a 'sheep-rancher.'  It was RU, 2005 autumn. 'Being known and ont cared for,' like HAndong from Dreamcatcher.  Maybe, it was the beginning of the end of the nightmare. - I could eat again a little if I got another love-letter from a female student... or even another bouquet from a gay male student... Maybe I'll mrary a North Korean woman after reunification... Remember 'Honey and Clover?' - Good song. - It's an anime-drama.  Originally it was a dorama.  Pramodh liked it before BLM stole his soul and he death-threated me with Cannibal COrpse and hate.  'Moon River' on pianoforte.  

- 'The Remains of DJ.'  'LA Dream.'  'Red Mansion Dream.'  'Pandemic of Honesty.'  'At the End of the Winter-Light; the Last of the Good Old Wisconsin Blue.'  'John Updike R

and I am not ashamed while my love is near me and I know it will be so till it's time to go So count the storms of winter and then the birds in spring again

'doctrine of unconditional evil' - humans mistaking themselves for God the Father - abortion-culture - Pope Saint John Paul II 'Humana Vitae'

42. Ideas of Christianity versus praxis and parataxis of Christianity

43. I was fond of Becca on Xanga but not as much as 'Clover' People open so much they can't but close off like a French novel 'humanity-rule' though their psychology of women is 'unconvincing' Glenn Gould ate a lot of eggs he was a hypochrondriac I want to drink 'Delta Covid Winter Summer Wine' and think of Mary HK Choi 'Yolk,' Lear's Cordelia and the real one, caritas / a'ga'pe I hope I don't get kilt with a _ _ _

44. Side- / mini-project 'My Brother's Type' about anti-Asian racism.

45. Ideal YA novel / counter to all corrupt YAL books, 'Clover' from the Promise / Fromis song.  It's beautiful, beauteous, 'fragrance from life to life.'  'I kept wishing for luck until I realized that which I wanted was happiness, yes?'

46. They were bored psychopathic Boomers; retirement had made them cannibal sociopaths.  His mom was like Volumnia in Coriolanus.  He didn't want to think about it.  He remembered Shan by the Han River, 'Fair Love.'  It was ten years ago; he weighed 25 pounds less but his mentality was the same. People were different.  Children were different.  In Wisconsin they evinced a... He was tired of being a bridge between West and East.  No one was curious.

47. I approached something really intense and pure and holy - and absolutely specific - and can't back off or back down without harm to myself.  This might be my last FBI.

48. I was 'boring guy.'

49. Summer rain.

50. That holiness... but also... CVA ('Charity edifieth')...

51. I want to read Korean poetry again as well.  Better poetry than ever, I imagine, better people.  'Perfect Children.'

52. 'And When We Are Older' - A Poem for Someone about My Age

And when we are old it won't necessarily get easier or fall into place or smooth into bonhomie or grow delicate as papery exquisite autumn leaves like the face of Jennifer Aniston and sometimes at the gym my smaller shoulder-muscles push harder but they remind me in this cute, precious way of some kind knowing amid Cross and sword that ever valor is a risk and God has got his hour writ. I thought that by now I would know what it's like to be one flesh with a wife, to watch a daughter practicing pianoforte, play catch with a son in the yard of a house by New Jersey reedy ponds.  That dream began in 1994 and there it stays, between the 'cello-clabbered music-room and gildered auditorium and still, in these institutions, nowhere to confess my love, nowhere to begin, just papers to plan on or wise. I used to love book-reviews, the language of dictionaries that could seem to get life so right, "Validity in Interpretation," the days when newspapers seemed to love me more than my own teachers, Colossians 4:6, editing sprinkled with salt, giving reason for hope, appropriate, apt, jeongdokhada. They get old and old and much is made of the things we can experience; sometimes I think that my dear friend quit Samsung too soon to know how to build his own team and I quit at least three jobs too soon and didn't stay in hot pursuit and now feel almost as if only my thoughts are as brightly alive with a love-light as your face once was. I get so lost at shopping malls, drowning; I don't get what anyone is up to. There was a Monsignor who composed or redacted this immense ethnography of all Korea but it must have broken his heart too, man who never took a wife, knitting red, his memory, the kind of person who arrives as I, watching Pompeo et al, in the hope of a benevolent ruler both forever and for the time being too... My friend used to say I could lead but I couldn't even shut down the snark-machine and Reddit had a field day with me and honestly maybe I've never loved anyone adequately. Let's be young a while more and though I didn't like this as a kid we can talk to the TV like at my grandparents' house long ago and again born on the new day, maybe we'll spend some time married.

53. 'Happy Days'

54. I miss the good K-dramas from Dramafever days though I don't watch television anymore... I wish I did just to rest my eyes... I miss 'Please Come Back Ahjusshi'... He's on the flying aerospace train to Heaven with his tears of contrition but decidees to return to Earth to delete his porn-collection for his wife and daughter surviving him... I deleted my biological father's literary porn collection ('daddy'-stepdaughter coercive / rape; adulterous housewife)... but he tried to send me to death and Hell.

55. It was like autumn in Korea this morning with the lamps and air-moisture; it was like Korean summer this early evening with August rain.

56. I want to regain my purity of literary style but hopefully God willing write something profitable / fruitful.   I might just teach again for pay..