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redrobin-detective · 3 years

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Delayed Mourning

Going Angst Day 5: Death

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It was 3pm when there was a knock on Maddie Fenton’s door. She huffed and set down the meal she’d been working on. Of course the one day she had time to pre-plan a nice meal from her family was the day she’d get interrupted.

“Yes? May I help you?” Maddie asked, opening the door. She had expected a salesman. Possibly even a neighbor coming to complain, again, about the noise or the smells that came from Fentonworks. Instead she found a small woman who couldn’t have been much taller than 5 ft with dark brown hair tied up in a tight bun. She was wearing a sharp white shirt and suit jacket with a matching white skirt.

“Mrs. Fenton, hello,” the woman gave a polite little head nod. “I’m from the the Government Institute of Interdimensional Warfare though I hear the locals like to call us the Guys in White.” She said with a knowing smiling, “of course, as you know, it’s not only the guys who are interested in ghosts. May I come in?”

“Oh yes, hello,” Maddie blinked, opening the door to let the agent in. The petite woman stepped inside, her heels clicking on the hardwood floor. Her small frame, her oversized glasses and soft nature seemed so at odds with the meatheads Maddie usually found in the GIW. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“Perhaps,” the agent demurred. “It’s more there was something I wanted to inform you of. If you’re not too busy, may we sit down and talk? Your husband and children are not home.” Maddie thought that last statement was a bit odd, framed as a statement of fact rather than an inquiry but moved on.

“Yes, Jack’s out of town visiting a relative and my kids won’t be back for a little while,” Maddie said. “Let me just finish putting this roast together, I’m almost done. Can I get you anything? Water? Tea?”

“No, thank you,” The woman said quietly. “And please, continue while you’re doing. Let me give you a little bit of background.” The agent adjusted her large glasses with her tiny hands. “Let me introduce myself, you may call me Agent S. I work primarily out of Washington for the Institute but sometimes I am deployed on site for... special cases. And, as I’m sure you’re aware, your town is very special.”

“Now, as you may have noticed, I am not particularly built like the normal Institute agents you have probably come across. That is because I do not work in the field but behind the scene in Investigations. My job is study the history and happenings of hauntings and spectral entities.”

“Oh that sounds fascinating,” Maddie beamed as she finished with her final preps and put the roast in the over. She looked over her shoulder at Agent S while she washed her hands. “Jack and I dabble a bit in history and folklore but we’re more versed in the hard sciences of ghosts.”

“Yes, I’ve read some of your papers, you and your husband truly are the frontrunners in the field,” Agent S nodded. Maddie preened at the praise and sat down, delighted to have a sophisticated conversation with someone in her field who she wasn’t married to. If more of those GIW agents were like Agent S then Maddie would get along a lot better with them. “So, Maddie, may I call you Maddie? What date and time did your portal start working?”

“It was August 28th,” Maddie said proudly. “It didn’t work at first when we first plugged it in. I’m afraid I don’t have an exact time it started up as we weren’t here. Jack was convinced one of the electrical conduction pieces wasn’t fully connected and was preventing ectoplasmic distribution. We ended up driving 4 hours to Springfield and back for some specialty parts only to find the portal working when we returned.”

“I can help you there,” Agent S said with a soft smile reaching into her white briefcase and pulling out several thick folders. She laid them out gently on the table and Maddie was unnerved by some of the information: schematics of Fentonworks, past and present financial records, transcripts of public statements. Her shoulders tensed when she saw Jazz and Danny’s names on some of the files. “Toll camera captured your vehicle on the Jane Addams Memorial Tollway at exactly 1:26pm on August 28th. We can confirm you and your husband’s vehicle traveled to Springfield and back via video feeds and credit card statements at 10:45pm that same day and were therefore out of the city all day.”

Maddie suddenly felt very trapped by the woman’s sharp grey eyes as she plucked a piece of paper and pressed it towards Maddie.

“At 3:18pm, the majority of the residential power in town went out for a period of 2 and a half hours. The cause was determined to be from a massive power surge that blew out the transformer. You may recall being blamed for this outage given your history with previous outages but the news that you were out of town settled that argument. However, I was not convinced.” She pulled out another piece of paper and Maddie bristled to see it was a Casper High attendance sheet.

“Your daughter, Jasmine was at her final summer cram session which ran from 2pm until 5pm. I spoke to her tutors and she never left the whole time and, in fact, stayed late to help a fellow student work through her study materials. But what about your son?” Agent S asked with with a curious smile but her eyes belied the fact that she had her own answers.

“How dare you spy on my family, on my children,” Maddie hissed, crumpling one of the papers in her fist. “Get out of my house, I will sue the pants off of your organization for this invasion of privacy! Get out!”

“Now Maddie, don’t you want to know how your son started up your Portal?” Agent S asked coyly, that drew Maddie up short. Danny? No, he couldn’t have possibly. He had no interest in their work, in fact, now that she thought about it, Danny had been sick that day. Agent S pulled out a set of blueprints for the Fenton Portal. Some small component inside the Portal was circled.

“You left at approximately 1pm and your daughter presumably left not long after. Phone records indicate Daniel called both Tucker Foley and Samantha Manson. Your neighbor, Mrs. Benson, saw them coming into your house not long after but before the 3pm power outage which I was able to triangulate did in fact originate from your home.” Agent S tapped the circled part of the inner portal mechanisms. “Now did you happen to push the on button in the Portal before plugging it in?”

“On button?” Maddie asked with a dry mouth, overwhelmed by the amount of information being thrown her way. All she could think about was how Danny hadn’t seemed sick when they’d left that afternoon but had looked awful when they returned. Would he have really gone downstairs and messed with the Portal? Had he gotten hurt? Been contaminated down there? Images of Vlad’s sickly visage after his accident flowed through her head. She should have paid more attention but she’d been so excited about the Portal working...

“It’s right here in the blueprints you submitted to the patent office, buried under dozens of other hardware bits. Its small, such a little thing compared to all the moving parts required to open up a dimensional portal. Daniel was a bright boy, his middle school records prove it. A bright mind, friends to impress, no parents around to chastise him... I think you can see where I’m going with this.”

“No, no,” Maddie said, burying her hands in her hair. “No, I’m not. You’re saying -what? - that my teenage son turned on the Portal when we were gone? No, my Danny wouldn’t lie to me about that... Why wouldn’t he say anything?”

“I don’t blame him for not mentioned in because, if my hunch is correct, he was inside the Portal when it turned on, killing him instantly,” Agent S said with a carefully neutral face. “I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news but I’m afraid this haunting has gone on long enough.”

“My child is alive!” Maddie screeched, standing up in her chair. “Danny is alive and healthy and he is not a ghost!”

“I will admit the evidence of how he died is circumstantial but the fact that Danny Fenton is deceased is not.” Maddie fell back into her chair as he legs gave out underneath her.

She watched the agent put paper after paper in front of her and detailed all sorts of data about her son that Maddie, who lived in the same house as him, had missed. Unusually high ectosignatures picked up by GIW (and their own) detectors, Danny being spotted in some form before most ghost attacks, faked signatures of hers getting him out of nurses’ visits. Maddie barely felt alive herself as she stared at a red light camera photo of her baby sitting atop a light post late, late at night. His eyes were a toxic green color.

“I know this must be distressing as a mother but your child never left that basement, never attended high school and will never achieve his dream of working for NASA.” Agent S said with carefully measured sympathy as she gathered up her papers and put them back in her case. “But you are a brilliant scientist, unlike your husband, you should be able to look past your emotions and see that your child is gone and the ghost he left behind is dangerous.”

“My husband?” Maddie asked blankly, running a finger down Danny’s unnatural photograph.

“I approached Jack two days ago, mistakenly believing he would be the most understanding of you both. He refused to believe the evidence and was, in fact, going to warn your son’s ghost that we planned on taking him. He is safe but he presently being held at one of our facilities until the capture is complete.” Maddie should feel outraged at her husband’s kidnapping but all she could think about was the fact that her son was dead, dead, dead, killed by her own invention over a year ago and she never noticed. How could she not have noticed?

“Daniel’s ghost is extraordinary, not only able to pass as human so accurately for so long but immensely powerful. We need to make sure he doesn’t harm anyone else. Think of his friends who are probably being forced to aid him and keep his death quiet. Think of your husband, your daughter, living in the same house as a dangerous ghost.” Agent S dropped some of her professionalism and plucked the photo of Danny out of Maddie’s hands and replaced it with her own tiny hand.

“I know this is impossible thing to ask but I must do it anyway, will you help me capture what remains of Danny? There is a chance with his charade exposed, he will be able to move on and so will you. You have been wronged, Maddie. You have been denied the right to process and grieve your child by his own ghost. But a delayed mourning is better than none. Danny’s death is a tragedy but please don’t let it become someone else’s.”

“Maybe he’s not-” Maddie’s breath hitched, “he’s never shown any signs of aggression. Jasmine spoke of benevolent spirits... maybe-” Agent S sighed roughly and retracted her hand to grab another photo from her case. Maddie was surprised when she held up a picture of Phantom.

“Ignore the glow,” Agent S instructed. “Change his white hair to black, his green eyes to blue. Think of how often Phantom is spotted in your neighborhood, around Casper High. Remember how he always has his hands on your technology,” the agent frowned. “Think of how he grins when he sees you, like he knows something you don’t. Like it all just a big joke you’re not a part of.” Maddie felt like she’d been slapped.

“Your son is dead,” Agent S said more forcefully, throwing the picture of Phantom next to the spooky one of Danny. “And his ghost has taken his place, taunting you, stealing energy from your family, from the portal that killed him. Phantom’s power is increasing too rapidly and soon we won’t be able to contain him. It’s why I was brought in to identify his haunt so that he could be stopped before anyone else died.”

“I will state this plainly, I am giving you the chance to participate in putting your child to rest but you are not required for this operation. If you refuse, you will be confined with your husband until Phantom is taken down. Do not let this monster with your son’s face trick you any more. So I ask again, Maddie Fenton, will you help us stop Phantom from making a mockery of your son’s memory?”

XxX

“Mom! Jazz! I’m home!” Danny announced, kicking off his shoes and grabbing a paper out of his backpack as he walked into the kitchen with a grin. “And I have a present! Jazz’s tutoring paid off, look at this A I got on my history test! Well A- but a solid A-!”

“Oh... that’s great,” Mom muttered quietly. She was sitting at the kitchen table, not cooking or tinkering with some gadget. Just sitting there quietly, twiddling her thumbs and not looking at him.

“Is everyone okay?” Danny asked, dropping his bag on the floor and walking over to his mother. “I saw Jazz at school but is Dad okay?”

“No, everything is not okay,” she said turning and looking at him with tear-filled eyes. “Someone died, someone I love dearly and I’m not ready to let them go,” she sniffed and wiped at her eyes. “But they've been gone for a long time, even if I’m just hearing about it now. I’m upset but it’s better to know and be grieve than to go on in ignorance, living a lie.”

Danny was about to ask who had died when something was jammed into his neck and he was shocked within an inch of his half life. His body spasmed to escape but his mother was gripping his arm to hold him in place. He transformed unconsciously but that only made it worse. He fell to the floor, ectoplasm leaking off his form as he could barely hold himself together.

“Mom,” he croaked, reaching for her despite everything. She stomped on his hand which was practically goo from such a vicious, destabilizing ectoplasmic shock.

“Don’t you ever call me that,” she hissed through angry tears. “I didn’t want to believe it but the proof is right in front of me you horrible, selfish ghost.” She kicked him in the side and half of him ended up on her boot. “How dare you, how dare you impersonate my son! How dare you string me along all this time, make me look like a fool who had to told that her own child was dead! I bet you just laughed and laughed at our stupid, human ignorance of what your were!”

“‘lease,” he begged through the ectoplasm in his mouth. “I’m still your....”

“My son is dead and he has been for a while,” Mom said, throwing the ecto-taser away from her. Danny vaguely heard the door being kicked in and in his rapidly diminishing vision, he saw black boots and white suits. “With you gone, I can finally come to terms with it and not be tormented by an inadequate replacement.” She turned her back to him. “Get that filth out of my house, I never want to see it again.”

“Of course,” a quiet feminine voice said as his goopy arms were restrained with ghost proof cuffs. “I know this is hard, Maddie but you made the right choice for your family and Danny’s memory. Jack will returned to you within the hour. I spoke to my superiors, for your cooperation, the Institute will take care of declaring Danny dead as well as covering costs for your boy to be laid to rest, the first step in moving on.”

“No, the first step will be removing that duplicitous monster from my home. It’s stolen enough of my baby’s life. Now please leave, I have - I have a funeral to plan.”

#going angst week 2021 #*jazz hands* I uh finally contributed #this is another interesting thing that just sorta happened #I was actually rereading and writing more for Side Effects when I realized that someone could follow the paper trail of the accident #which led me to a tiny lil GIW Investigator who blew Dannys secret wide open #which *then* led me to the tragedy of Maddie learning of her child's 'death' second hand but over a year after a fact #there's something about delayed tragedy... thinking everythings ok only to learn it hasn't been for a while #Love Mads but btw her an Jack shes the one who seems the more likely to take offense to her son's ghost haunting his own life #to keep playing along and pretending to be alive #him secretly being Phantom was the final straw #Both pretending to be Danny then *teasing* her when he saw her as a ghost #(obviously thats not the case but Maddie believes was Made To Believe it was)#Oh I wanted to strange Agent S this whole time typing #the blatant.... manipulation #Maddie may feel free to grieve now but her child's torment was only beginning #haha good times see ya

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bisexualbuck · 4 years

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My 911 Fic Writing Masterlist

(Last edited May 28th 2021)

I’ve finally decided to do a masterpost of all my writing for the show 911 which is the fandom I’ve written the most for. There are 33 fics in this post, holy crap.

(If anyone is interested, I’ve also written for Star Trek AOS, Leverage, the MCU, among many other fandoms.)

As a general note, I’ll say most of my fics have Buddie elements and I also try to have at least one Firefam moment. Also, please check each fic’s warnings.

This is going to be long so most of it will be under a read more.

Last thing, please! If you like any of these stories, please consider leaving a comment and reblogging this post.

Multi Chapter

Reaching In The Dark | 38.7k

It all started innocent enough but Buck can no longer deny it.

He has a stalker.

Someone so obsessed with him that they would spend hours and hours following him, unnoticed, taking pictures of him, taking notes of his habits.

But life has been so good lately, and Buck doesn’t want to worry anyone. So he tells no one about it, he can deal with it on his own.

Leave My Body | 23k

"Do you want to see how it could have been? You are so sure you've been a burden on everyone you've ever met, but I can show you the truth."

Buck dies but it's not the end.

(Inspired by the movie It's a Wonderful Life)

Encore | 20.1k

“I’m going insane.”

“Did something happen?”

A dark, bitter laugh bubbles out of Buck – a mockery of joy.

“Everything keeps happening, and it’s still the same fucking day. It’s always the same and every time it’s different and I can’t do anything.”

Buck keeps reliving the same day, over and over again.

Hurt/Comfort

Death, Be Not Proud | 10.1k

There are moments barge loudly into your life and, even as you’re going through them, you know they will change everything.

There are other moments that happen quietly, unnoticed, and it’s only afterwards that you know, looking back, that they have changed your life.

When the 118 is called to a decrepit house, they don’t think much of it.

Yet this will change their lives forever.

Silent Storm | 4.4k

Buck wakes up in the hospital.

Except he can't move. He can't speak.

But he can hear everything.

Dying Of The Light | 4.1k

If Purgatory was a place on Earth, it would be a hospital waiting room.

Buck is in a coma, brain-dead - or so that's what the doctors say anyway.

(Silent Storm told from the Firefam's POV)

No Kingdom To Come | 8k

Days pass, then weeks that soon turn into months. Buck doesn’t call, he doesn’t text.

They don’t even know if he is still alive.

Maddie files a missing person’s report. Athena checks for any mention of his name anywhere in the country.

Nothing pops up, no one calls.

Buck is gone.

The Courage To Heal | 1.4k

He remembers her perfume. Thick, flowery – it makes him retch.

Why does he remember her perfume? Every time he smells anything like it, he wants to throw up, he wants to rush in the shower and try to wash away the stink of it.

Why can’t he move on?

He’s had sex with countless people over the years, especially back in his Buck 1.0 days, so why does that encounter remain? Why does it make him sick?

Why does he feel so ashamed?

Buck opens up about Dr Wells, the therapist from season 1.

The Loneliness Never Left Me | 2k

“Buck is afraid he is gonna end up like Red, without friends, without family. He thinks the job is the only thing he’ll ever have and that he’ll always be alone.”

Silence falls around them, heavy and suffocating.

“We need to show him that he’s got us."

“Not show him,” Chim says. “Tell him.”

Forever Day | 2k

The man pulls a gun out.

He aims it at Buck’s head.

“If you take another step I will blast your brains on the ground."

Hollow | ~300

Bobby on the day of his late wife and kids’ deaths, with Athena by his side.

Those Days | ~600

A look into Eddie and Christopher having a bad day made better by having each other.

Little Hope | ~500

A moment of support between two friends, Karen and Eddie, as Hen lays unconscious in a hospital bed.

Firefam Feels

Alone Again | 1.2k

Post S04E04

After standing up for himself to his parents, Buck feels hollow.

He isn't sure how he finds himself at Athena and Bobby's home, but maybe that's exactly where he needs to be.

Make It Three | 3.2k

It takes him twenty full minutes to realize what he has said, and then it hits him like a goddamn freight train.

Oh no. Oh no.

Buck just hung up on the phone on Athena Grant telling her that he loved her like he’s been doing it every day of his life.

Oh no.

Buck slips up and tells Athena he loves her. He has a bit of a freak out.

Words Unsaid | 2.2k

“What’s going on?” Bobby and Buck say in unison.

“You two,” Athena announces, “are going to talk things out.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Buck says, like a liar. “Everything is fine.”

Buck overhears Bobby say that he's not his kid. He doesn't take it very well.

Lay You Down | 2k

Buck is sick and can't be left alone in his feverish state, but everyone is working.

Everyone but Athena.

That Which We Carry | 2.1k

Bobby stops in his tracks.

Buck is sitting on the ground, next to his own car, his keys and phone forgotten next to him. His breathing is loud and short and he has his head in his hands so that his face is hidden.

He’s having a panic attack.

To Be Loved, To Belong | 3.1k

5 times Buck almost tells his family what they mean to him.

+1 time he does.

Buried | 2.3k

It’s supposed to be a simple call.

Of course, everything goes wrong.

Just As It Was | 2.3k

After the lawsuit, Buck overworks himself trying to prove his worth to the team.

One day, he pushes too far.

Sunlight | ~500

The Buckley siblings have a bet about what Maddie and Chim’s kid’s first word will be.

Family Matters | ~500

A look into the future at Bobby’s retirement party.

Humor & Fluff

Freedom In Love | 1.1k

“You can’t keep ignoring this,” Maddie says – again.

She says it a lot. His answer is pretty much always the same.

“Actually, I can. And I think I will. This is working great for me so far. It’s like Schrödinger’s confession, if I don’t say anything, Eddie can’t reject me.”

Green Heart | 3k

Buck starts seeing a man.

Eddie worries he is being a bigot, because the idea of Buck kissing another man makes him want to punch someone.

What else could it be?

The Most Perfect Moment | 1.7k

After Shannon, Eddie never thought that he would ever want to get married again.

Yet, a little red box lays in his pocket until the perfect moment to propose comes around.He has been carrying it for weeks now, waiting.

He wants his proposal to be perfect because he knows that this is the last time he will ever be asking this question. Buck is it for him. There will never be anyone else.

Blame It On Chimney | 1k

“So anyway, that’s how Chimney saw me full-on naked.”

Eddie chokes on his beer.

How It Looks | ~400

Someone is back to haunt Chim. Well, not exactly someone. Hen is tired.

The Rest Of Our Lives | ~500

One night, one conversation that changes everything between Buck and Eddie.

Tumblr Prompts

lover, be good to me | 7.1k

This is a collection of unrelated prompts first posted on my tumblr.

(Summary of each story in the first chapter's notes)

Eddie touching Buck’s birthmark | ~300

Eddie in a relationship is a clingy Eddie | ~200

Halloween at the station | ~500

Buck & Maddie being their cute selves | ~400

Misc.

from the bottom i come running | 3.7k

Co-written with the endlessly talented ksmalltalk / @letitialewiss

Crossover with Lone Star.

Just a soccer match for charity and two men cheering on their boyfriends.

Wait, no. Eddie and Buck are not dating, no matter what Chim and Hen can say.

In the stands, Eddie befriends TK whose boyfriend is playing alongside Buck. Out on the pitch, Buck and Carlos are a force to be reckoned with.

Oh, and someone gets hurt.

safe inside | 5.6k

Co-written with the biggest-brained and most talented chasingobligion / @starlightbuck

World-famous actor TK Strand and his bodyguard Carlos find themselves seeking shelter from fans and paparazzi in a bakery Carlos knows very well.

Baking leads to a few life changes.

Breathe You In | 2k

Eddie can’t stop staring.

This selfie is going to be the death of him.Buck is shirtless, and giving the camera an intense look that leaves Eddie panting.

Buck sends a picture that tips their relationship into something new.

#911 #911 fic #buddie #firefam #evan buckley #eddie diaz #my writing #this took me FOREVER #it's also about to kill my computer because tumblr is lagging so much so i'm just gonna post #if there is an issue with the links or something else please reach out to me thanks!!#and please reblog and comment if you like my writing!!#i might come out of fic writing hiatus at some point soonish #edited

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corpsentry · 4 years

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behind the taylor swift gundam was in fact another, smaller gundam: a brief inquiry into the events of june 2020

so back in june this year june and i got together and we made this motherfucker of a story with this motherfucker of a thread to keep track of it all. but you already know that! and i’ve already got one foot and three elbows in my grave, so i’ll spare you the long-winded stuff. you wanna know how i wrote 93,035 words in 4 weeks? i’ll tell you how i wrote 93,035 words in 4 weeks-

-by linking you guys to copies of my planning documents because i feel like those words speak louder than any words i can offer in the present day. these are long documents. but they are also historical artifacts. very interesting. very weird. very, uh, full of cussing. so anyway, here’s

BIG DADDY: THE ORIGINAL PLANNING DOCUMENT

for those, like me, who have no motivation left in life to do anything and rely on summaries from others to acquire new knowledge, it all started with a single line.

prince of a fallen kingdom atsumu tries to kill hinata but falls in love with him instead

june, april something, 2020

with that in mind i tested the concept out with a few paragraphs of text, which you can find at the bottom of the Big Daddy document in the graveyard segment, accidentally sold my soul to the image of hinata with epaulettes, and then worked backwards, structuring an entire plot around two images:

a) hinata getting the shit beat out of him, with snark b) hinata and atsumu dancing in an empty ballroom under the stars

if you want a betrayal, you have to have something worth losing. if you want to fall in love with someone you don’t know, you have to meet them. if you have to meet them, there has to be a reason for that meeting, and so somewhere in between atsumu became a sword instructor and hinata the prince with daddy issues. june and i used this method of glancing anxiously over your shoulder to see what you’d missed to fill out the blanks in the story, after which i tacked up a bunch of post-its, typed out the plot, consulted june, typed out the plot again, and then broke the characters down into a bunch of questions, like ‘what do they want?’ and ‘what do they have?’ and ‘what are they afraid of?’

with the plot more or less ironed out, i decided it was time to start writing, and then i decided that i was actually too scared to start writing after all, so instead i set a couple of timers using classroomtimers.com (15-20 minutes long) and i sat down and i wrote about the world that hinata and atsumu inhabited.

each warm-up was 300-500 words long, and for the first few days, i’d write one before getting into writing the story proper. later these evolved into simply picking a scene from the story and launching straight into it, which became useful for opening those scenes later when i got to them organically.

then i got lazy! so i stopped. but these shitty little exercises were really useful for me because, unfettered by plot, convention, or any kind of tradition hovering over my shoulder, i was able to fuck around loosely enough to realize what i wanted this story to be. it was a very contrived kind of trial-and-error, an exploration of the characters, the story, but most importantly, the tone.

RESEARCH, PLANNING, AND VICTORIAN BOUGIE FASHION

this is a loose map of the castle and Important Locations within it, which i drew up at the start so i could keep track of where everything was and how i could get my characters from point A to point B. i wanted the story to have Some kind of internal logic, you know, even if that logic amounted to ‘a compass would function normally in this world whereas kageyama tobio would not’.

99% of my planning and organizing within those five weeks took place in this lovely dotted cat journal which my sister gave me for my birthday and i repurposed into a metaphorical Diary of Suffering while working on juno. i used it for everything from keeping track of narrative threads to clothing consistency checks, but the main purpose was this: each day at about 10 pm i’d crack open the cat book to a fresh page, stamp the date and the day of suffering at the top, and then write down a list of things i wanted to write, address, or fix today. then i’d sit at my laptop and write like a madman until about 7 in the morning. with breaks, of course, for sitting in the bathroom and staring at the wall and sitting in the kitchen and staring at the wall, but mostly i was writing. and complaining about writing. you were there, you probably remember that.

anyway, here are some pages from the cat book.

aside from the fact that my handwriting is complete shit, you can see that i made zero effort for any of this to be presentable. it was mainly a way for me to keep track of my thoughts because i have the attention span of an ikea wardrobe and tend to forget things as soon as i think of them. the lack of structure also mirrored the way that i went about writing juno. while i did proceed, for the most part, in chronological order, i had a lot of weird and useless revelations during lunch, which by this point was happening around 2 am, and in the 5 minutes before the exhaustion finally hit and carried me down to hell. i changed A Lot. again, to understand exactly how much the story evolved from day one onwards, please consult the big daddy document.

in the meantime, here’s something else.

once june sent over hinata and atsumu’s character designs i sat down like the fucking fool i am and spent 2 hours poring over a document about victorian and other fashion movements of the past so i could assign a noun, adjective, and verb to each element of their outfits. i don’t know why i did this. i certainly could have not, but i attempted to make sense of their ‘fits from a logistical perspective and that went into the cat book too. everything went into the cat book. the cat book is a relic of the past now, stuffed with artifacts such as the birth of oikawa tooru, and also his demise.

MEDIUM DADDY: EDITING, PROOFREADING, AND CREEPY MURDER CATS

i finished writing on june 26th, 2020, approximately a month after i’d first started planning, somewhere around may 27th or 28th. at that point i had about 90,000 words’ worth of story and no sanity left whatsoever, so i took a day-long break to stare at a wall and listen to taylor swift’s enchanted on loop.

and then i made a new document, which you can look at using the link above, and i laid out everything i had to do. i’d discovered a fuck ton of plot inconsistencies and general errors while writing and lying awake in bed at 9 a.m., sleepless in seattle, and now that i was free of the demon egging me towards the first finish line, it was time to Deal with them. i speed-scrolled through the draft, which was 200+ pages compressed into one google doc, because i like to tempt god’s wrath, and fixed up all the plot issues over the course of a few days. this was the fun part.

the actual, hard editing was the extremely un-fun part. i reread the entire thing, paragraph by paragraph, line by damn line, from start to finish, paying especially close attention to awkward phrasing, incomplete dialogue, and moments which had fallen flat in my haste to get on to the next one. this was really fucking terrible. i spent more time lying facedown on the floor than actually editing anything, but after a long time (about a week), that, too was done.

SMALL DADDY: TITLES, SUMMARIES, AND GOOD FUCKING BYES

i spent a good eighty days thinking about the title, though hilariously enough we ended up with something that was a blend of our names. june + elmo = juno, which is, all things considered, pretty perfect, but the process of picking the title was Hell, and i Did Not Come Up With The Title until about 2 hours before posting. you can take a look at the haphazard clusterfuck of my title-selecting process in small daddy, which is linked above.

so the title was a last-minute choice. so was the summary. and the chapter divisions. and actually all the songs in the playlist for juno. the day we dropped juno onto planet earth like a newborn baby pitched out of the sky, i spent an hour hunched over my laptop, cutting my 213 page google doc into chapters based on nothing more than a Vibe. two days before that, i also attempted to voice-act the entirety of juno, an affair which ended at the 20,000 word mark with a sore throat and the kind of exhaustion one typically wants to sleep in a coffin for 23 years to get rid of. so in all honesty, i did very little editing, which is why there are definitely minor typos and/or mistakes hanging out somewhere on that chunky ao3 webpage. but whatever.

my attitude by july 5th (was it july 5th? or 4th? somewhere around there) was basically whatever. anything so i could get finish this damn thing, chuck it out of the window, and never see another google doc until the next century. i’ve been asked a few times how exactly i wrote at a rate of roughly 2000-3000 words per day for four weeks straight, and my answer has always been this: i died. what died, you ask? my soul. my spirit. my Will To Live. i’m a creature of fixations, and juno was my fixation for june. will i ever be able to do this again? would i recommend this experience to anyone? is god real? the answer to all of the above is probably no. juno was a fever dream, and so is my cat book. and so are all the lattes i had. and so was my 9 am to 4 pm sleep schedule.

but what we made is real. the research, oikawa tooru, the 4 am conversations in which i was like ‘how the fuck do i end this’ and june was like ‘jade proposal’ (the proposal was her idea. all rise for twitter user atsuhinas. she is the mastermind behind all of the Inch Resting moments in this story; i just flapped a korok leaf in her direction and made sure the air circulation was working properly) are real as fuck, and looking back, there’s a lot i’d change, but i’m lazy. and college is starting. and anyway, i did write 93,035 words in just under five weeks, four if you don’t count the week of Editing Hell, so i think that’s pretty cool.

thank you for reading this to the end, and for following us on our journey through the enigmatic taylor swift gundam fic which quite literally consumed my entire twitter account for the five weeks i spent working on it. retrospectively speaking i really was butt-obsessed so i am frankly incredibly impressed with everyone around me for putting up with a Husk of a Man for a month. thank you for doing that. thank you for indulging my vague tweeting, and our butterfly dns, and for reading 93 thousand words of gay fanfiction set in a high fantasy world with epaulettes and galettes. on behalf of june, once again, we are incredibly grateful for all your support.

if you have any questions about specific aspects of the writing process, or anything you’d like to know in general with reference to JUNO, feel free to drop me an ask through my tumblr inbox, or through my curiouscat over here. i’m aware i didn’t cover everything, but there’s frankly too much to put in a tumblr post without passing away somewhere around the 56% mark, so let me know what’s on your mind, and i’ll try to answer that to the best of my abilities. but anyway, before i go, here are some

TAKEAWAYS

one: don’t try to write 93,000 words in five weeks. seriously don’t fucking do it you will end up jittery and sleep-deprived and you will leave all your friends on read for a month. pace yourself. set realistic goals. you wrote 2k this week? that’s fantastic. you wrote 4k in a day? you absolute motherfucker. i hope you’re taking a long fucking break tomorrow. your story will not run away from you, but if you run too fast, you will get tired, and then you will pass away.

two: you don’t have to know everything about your story before you start writing. in fact if you have a single camera shot of two characters holding hands under a rose garden awning, i think that’s fucking wonderful. if you look at big daddy, you’ll realize that my initial plot draft, and all the ones following that, are not perfectly aligned with the final version of juno. i improvised over half of the scenes in this motherfucker, and to be completely honest, some of the improvised scenes were the best. fucking oikawa tooru was improvised out of nowhere. he only got written in way later, around chapter 8 or something, because i realized i needed a plot device and a source of information to keep the playing table from toppling over. i Sat Down one day and was like ‘okay, it’s time to write oikawa into the introduction. because he matters now. he didn’t matter last week but now he does, and soon he’s going to be the fulcrum of the entire story, because it’s like that with oikawa tooru’. it’s okay to change your mind halfway. it’s okay to go back and rewrite entire scenes or segments. it’s okay to highlight 4 pages of fresh, sentimental writing, and hit delete. writing is a fluid process, and you Will make discoveries as you progress through your story alongside your characters. be understanding of that iterative process. be kind to yourself.

three: You Are That Motherfucker. you, me, your dog, your dog’s friend, your dog’s enemy, all of us are that motherfucker. i never thought i’d be able to write anything longer than the great big map, which was a much simpler, linear story in which the other main character did not appear in the current timeline until like the eighth chapter. juno was different. juno was the motherfucker, and i was scared shitless of it, and to cope with that fear joked constantly while writing that it’d never see the light of day.

but it did. it was a rocky process, and i was awake for 48 hours after posting it because of the sheer adrenalin stuck in my skull, but i got through it. and i wouldn’t have been able to do it without june, who stepped in when i flopped over facedown on the floor and dragged me to my feet like the badass friend she is, and without everyone else in my life, who put up with me talking about The Thing that i couldn’t really talk about, but juno’s up there now. forever, or until the internet collapses and civilization goes extinct. and if the nineteen year old clown with the attention span of an ikea armchair and an a level certificate from hell wrote the 93,000 word long thing, so can you. i mean this completely unironically and with every ounce of genuine emotion i can summon from the cracked asshole of my heart.

writing is hard. writing is scary. writing is an investigation of the world around you and therefore, by extension, yourself, and that kind of honesty is freaky. it’s like going skinny-dipping next to the president’s mansion. who’s going to see you? what if they take a photo? what if you lose your spot at university?

but don’t think about that. our world is overrun with stories the way cereal bowls are full of cereal, but it’s those stories that keep us all sane in the disgusting day-to-day muck of reality, so think about your story. what’s haunting you today? what message do you want to leave printed in font size 666 comic sans across the southern hemisphere of the planet? what will you be tomorrow?

a writer. you’re going to be a motherfucking writer.

#my stuff

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willwolfie · 4 years

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Location: Pittsburgh, PA. Time: Last Spring. Triggers: Blood, Death, Accident

“The fear of death never left me; I couldn't get used to the thought; I would still sometimes shake and weep with terror.” ― Simone de Beauvoir

If life got busy it was tough luck and if one lived life as one William Moritz Wolf did, then the lives of everyone else needed saving before his own. His entire adolescence was spent in and out of hospitals, in and out of doctor’s offices, in and out of treatment centers. He loved his annoyingly careful parents with his whole heart, but life had never seemed as worth it as it did when his disorder and he were not at the center of it anymore. And life was busy enough right now for him to forget fully about himself and do what he did best instead. Soothe others, care for them, save them.

They usually rotated on air ambulance duty, and while Will suspected it was still because they did not entirely trust him, the newly certified flight paramedic, it didn’t bother him as much as he initially thought it would. It kept him close to the 027 Fire Department-- his home and family that had seen all too little of Will the weeks leading up to his final examinations and away from getting too close to the pretty nurses that he sometimes was made to sit in the small aerial space for hours. And as he made his way into Jefferson Health for the first 12-hour shift this week, his eyes made a bee-line for the prettiest one to join him yet. He had always liked the nurses better than doctors, regardless of whether they were women or not; they took their time and liked to indulge in his lulling stories with charms, even if they were just as busy as anybody else in the hospital. She (later found out to be named Sami) seemed no exception to this rule as she entertained him throughout the shift by dropping by and giving various kinds of information in exchange for a joke or two.

Air ambulances had the ring of great risks and adrenaline, but there was a lot less glamour attached to the job that one would hope. Transporting corpseless, artificially kept-alive organs through the state like a butcher delivery service irked Will. As morbid as it sounded, he was happy for every real emergency that sent their way to get away from the everyday duties that left him never knowing whose life was altered. Who was saved or not? Getting one Harmony Logan off of Mount Washington after a biking accident sounded a lot more like helping a person than arbitrarily pushing former human body parts around for hours to Will. “And hey, Will, maybe we can get together for after-shift drinks” Sami’s words cut right through his train of thought as the paramedic got into the helicopter for the sixth time for the day, the third of which with her. “Sure” he’d told her absentmindedly, willing to push whatever really had been his post-shift plans for another couple hours without much of a second thought. They got up in the air in a good enough mood at three thirty-one pm and would most likely return before five; average day, well enough outcome.

If life got busy it was tough luck and as the impact of the crash hit Will’s chest and neck, a realization hit him with almost the same brutal force. His date for the night had supposed to be the I.V. bag lying at home for five days too long. When life got busy, he was playing with his life on luck. Two missed days of treatment of factor eight and he knew what the natural percentage of his clotting factor returned to. Still, his first instinct was to look for Sami and the pilot. He was the paramedic and a bloody cough would not stop him from any of it. Will was out to assume the worst at all scenes, but as his heart steadily pumped at a heightened rate his eyes already seized the young nurse stirring on the ground as though she’d only been knocked to her knees in a clumsy tumble. All fine. A soft smile tugged at the corners of his mouth in relief, helping Sami to her feet in almost the same motion that he used to lean into the cockpit and assure himself of person number two. Anger mixed with atonement came billowing out of the pilot's mouth, too preoccupied with his mistake in the too harsh landing to respond to Will’s questions on his state of being but lively and on the move in their limited space that he, too, seemed fine. All back to himself then.

His hand gently felt over his uniformed chest where he had brutally hit the inner walls of the helicopter. Dry as ever, no skin had broken at the place or any other and sent a wave of relief through Will’s body. Maybe, just maybe it would be fine until they got back. He’d rush to the E.R. and have someone hook him up as the last minutes of his break rung in. “We can’t take off” The repeating sentence, almost screamed in anger by the pilot, shouldn’t have been the first indicator that things weren’t fine anymore, but Will was determined not to be what his genetics dictated him to be. Fine, fine, fine his mind repeated with every step he made outside of the helicopter to look for whom they had come there for, fine he told himself as the metallic taste of blood started to replace any other sensation he felt and pooled in his mouth, only for him to spit the mixture if it and saliva onto the ground. Fine until the color of what now continuously wet the ground grew darker, redder, thicker. Until the masses of it forced Will to his knees this time, and a scream rung in his ears as though a tragedy unfolded before somebody’s eyes. But where?

All he saw was the full terror and absolute horror in the girl’s eyes as she kneeled above his body. His mind knew that there’s nothing she could do for him but his instincts now screamed louder than any coherent thought for her to help him, save him from what was happening inside. Do anything than let him miserably choke on his own blood that wouldn’t just stop flowing, giving his life the short few final minutes until his body would either shut down completely or it found its way into his lungs and suffocated him first. For every breath he took now, there was a mouthful of the warm, red liquid that stained the surrounding ground and his face to make way for air that barely found its way inside. This was not supposed to be how it ended. There was no peace in his mind or heart and no one else to blame but himself. Suddenly he was at the center of everything again and there was nothing to do but bleed and slowly fade away to nothingness. The wetness on his face was not exclusively what was drained of him, but sudden tears. Only his own, he thought for a split moment, but what vision he’d left told him that they dripped down from Sami’s face, screwed up in shock, where they’d meet his.

He was not twenty-five at that time as much as he was four years old when he first cut his hand and would not stop bleeding. He was thirteen and had gotten punched in the face at school for the first time with his teachers freaking out. He was twenty-one and on the doorstep of his parents for the first time in months, beaten and bruised. He was all those boys, but he was ultimately alone even with his hand held and faces surrounding his failing body. They couldn’t know what to do, Will had never told anyone about it, refused to acknowledge or bear the alert bracelet and would be one of many bleeder’s to bleed out for his own actions. It felt like trying to scream underwater to tell them what was wrong with him, why his body reacted so severely while everyone else’s did nothing, only that water didn’t drain his body and energy from it. Hemo was as far as he’d get before coughing fits and the struggle to breathe pushed aside any more attempts to vocalize. There was only one or the other, and the one thing kept him alive though unclear for how long when even pushing out the breath started to burn like every drop of blood he lost was replaced with fire burning the insides of his lungs. Will started to count his breaths, trying to slow his heart from pumping so rapidly to his demise but to no avail. It paradoxically tried to fight him instead of fighting for him. Eight. Nine. Ten. He barely even felt anything entering him with breath ten and knew, that should his body muster up another one, it would be his last. His hand clutched, harder than before, at Sami’s and blue eyes wide like never before-

Eleven.

There was that day, and then there were the six weeks of recovery after to learn what happened after breath eleven. Many days of that time were spent in the same walls of Jefferson Health that he’d left then so carefree, never to return the same. His brain was full-functional but the body too weak to leave, so that waking nights were too hard to escape. Closing his eyes haunted him, made him afraid it would be the last time that the motion would fulfill itself, so every morning a nurse was greeted with a faint smile paired with bloodshot blue eyes that had evaded the dark once more to pass out in the daylight, only to repeat the motions day for day. They never were Sami’s eyes that he would meet though, and as he asked for her or how she’d been doing, they told him that she had quit at Jefferson. There was no judgment, only bitterness that remained like the metallic taste on his tongue like a torturous reminder that he had done this to her. Gotten into an impossible situation and forced her to look on as he bled out onto her. Who would blame her?

February 28th came early that year. He turned twenty-six and there was nothing he wished for. Nothing but one thing that, from that day on, glimmered on his left wrist without a fail. He faulted his parents for a lot of things but never for crying as they brought the very same gift to his hospital room as they had to his childhood bedroom for years and Will wearing the silver bracelet for the first time in his life.

#this is half a novel but if yall wanna be emo :) ur :) welcome :)#devinstone.task003

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morbid-n-macabre · 5 years

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*UPDATE 8/13/19* Court for the restraining order was today, and it was granted. FOR LIFE! That's pretty rare! He stared at her the throughout the entire time, just stared! Maybe trying to intimidate? Didn't work! I'm so proud of her!

If you share this and it's flagged, appeal it as I did. They will reinstate the post.

This is my oldest daughter, Andrea, and she has asked me to write her story and post it. This is extremely important as it may help someone else, and hopefully save future victims. Young women everywhere, but especially in Southwest Florida, they need to be aware of this guy!

This is what my daughter normally looks like.

This Monday, July 28th of 2019, my 18 year old was beaten by her first love; he beat the hell out of her while driving down the road, never even pulled over. The argument began because he'd stolen her debit card and taken money from it, so she was asking for her money back. He became violent. She attempted to jump out the moving vehicle, Brandon grabbed her by her hair; she tried calling for help, he threw her phone. As he was bashing her in the back of the head, he also stuck his thumb inside her eyeball, breaking her prescription glasses. In the photos you'll notice that my baby's eyes are crossed due to this woman beating punk!

I will say that i am proud of my girl; Andrea is 4'11" tall and she only wears a size ten, while her attacker is 6 foot and 160 lbs. If you look at the mugshot you'll see that she finally stuck up for herself. My girl is a powerhouse; there's only so many times you can kick a dog before they bite back! Thankfully a passing motorist witnessed what was going on and notified police; Brandon Gray Farris was arrested. He called her literally dozens of times while in jail, I guess he figured that he could sweet talk her into taking him back. He burnt that bridge, she's 100% done.

The next night my baby sat on my bed and told me that this wasn't the first time he abused her, it's been going on for months. It started with insults: You're stupid, you're fat, you're a loser who doesn't even have a GED. Nobody else will ever want you, and on and on. He isolated her from each of her friends, wasn't allowed to talk in the phone, wear makeup, or leave the house without him. He even had GPS on her phone so he knew where she was at all times, and she was forced to quit the job she loved so much. Then a couple months later the violence began. He would mostly beat her in the back of the head so the bruises wouldn't be visible to her loved ones. We noticed marks on her, but were told it was from rough sex. My 18 year old was a VIRGIN when she met this bastard! She is a good girl with an amazing heart! At one point he choked her out; she heard something pop in her neck, and she lost consciousness more than once. She honestly thought Brandon was going to murder her! The choking incident was more than a month ago, and she STILL has a knot the size of a half dollar from where she felt that pop! On the 4th of July my family always hoes on vacation: my mom gets a suite, and we all go away. Andrea went missing for several hours on the 4th, we didn't know where she was. When she came back, she said Brandon had been crying because our family didn't like him. And we didn't, we always had a bad feeling about this guy; he seemed so fake, always telling us what we wanted to hear, plus the right sec stuff didn't sit right. Come to find out, during those hours in which she'd been missing they'd been in the SUV his daddy had just gifted him and he'd beaten her again; bashed her in the head repeatedly. He was so angry he wrecked his new vehicle.

After these incidents, Brandon would cry and swear he was gonna change, or he'd tell her it never happened (gaslighting) and that she was a "Crazy psycho". When she would try and break up with this piece of human garbage, he would threaten to kill himself or he'd threaten to murder her and then himself; my daughter was afraid to tell. My daughter has admitted that she was forced to be intimate with this piece of human garbage more than once!

We have since found out that this is a pattern with Brandon Farris. We now know that at 20 years of age he targets younger, inexperienced girls; at least two of his exes have been beaten by him, and from what we've been told they have gotten restraining orders on him as well. My daughter had had several young ladies message and/or call her to tell their stories of abuse with this guy; they were afraid to press charges, feeling that he would kill them if they did so. This is a cycle, and he's going to end up killing someone; we've also heard horror stories of abuse from a closed family member of Brandon's. Yet he's manipulative af, and tells everyone that they're only seeing her side of the story. He's the true victim here! I study and write about criminals, it's my passion, it's what I am educated in. This man is a talented narcissist, yet disorganized. I'm willing to bet everything that I own that Brandon is a sociopath.

My baby is broken right now. She's hurt physically, and her eye is crossed from where he stuck his finger inside her eyeball, her finger is broken. After all this happened we took photos of my daughter in a bikini for evidence, her entire body is covered in bruises; some are older, some newer. Many were finger indent bruises from where he'd grabbed her. It's all documented. But even more worrisome, as someone who personally suffers from PTSD myself, I now see it in my daughter. I unexpectedly touched her earlier and she freaked out, crying, shaking, and screaming. At the hospital her normally percent blood pressure was 168/100. My heart is shattered.

Andrea is beside herself, and she just wants to be with her daddy, Lynn, and she's crying for her Uncle Jeremy (my brother who she doesn't even get along with) probably because she knows he would die protecting her. Her daddy took some time off work (he has accumulated vacation time) and the day after Brandon was arrested we took our daughter to the courthouse to file for a protection order and make sure charges had been filed against him. Yes, she has an appointment to see a counselor this coming week. This is a photo of her and her daddy walking into the courthouse.

My daughter, Andrea, wants her story told. She wants his next victim to see what happened to her when she googles his name. Maybe we can save Brandon's next victim, we wish that someone had warned us.

I am only sharing this photo of Brandon and my daughter because it's the only one I have of him. His name is Brandon Farris, his insta account is brandito_the_bandito. If you live in Southwest Florida, please beware this sociopath. If you're interested in hearing more of her story, her insta account is named in many of the photos. Thank you for reading 💙 be safe ladies. We have to stick together, we MUST help keep one another safe from people like this. Watch out for red flags such as these, and TELL SOMEBODY! Message me, message my daughter, message SOMEONE! Nobody deserves to be abused!

Fort Myers, Florida, Brandon Gray Farris, date of birth 9/11/97

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aborddelimpala · 5 years

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Where have you been?! DarkLightCon 3 :)

I was in Paris this weekend (April 27th-28th) for the french Supernatural convention in Paris. And guys, it was fantastic!!!!! I went to the previous editions in 2017 & 2018 and I have to say it’s getting better and better. First because the guests list was pretty awesome (we had 5 guests in 2017 & this year we had 11, including Alexander Calvert). Second, because People Con (the con organizer) listens fans for improving the organization. Big kudos to Brice & Vanessa & all the crew <3

[Long post under the cut • Forgive my grammar, I’ve learned english by watching TV shows :p]

First things first, let’s debunk some weird things I’ve read on twitter.

��They were mean with Rob. They boo-ed him”. That’s not what happened. Let’s talk about context cause guys, context is important. On friday, just before the karaoke, they were projecting the season 14 finale. On saturday, when the guests went on stage for the opening ceremony, the audience was cheering them and Matt or Seb Roché (I think it was Matt) said, showing Rob, “you should “boo” him, you saw what he did” (referring to Chuck/God in the season finale). The audience & the cast started to “booo” Rob, then everyone was laughing. During his speech at the closing ceremony, Rob said that he always feels really loved and welcomed when he comes in #DLC (he’s on the guest list since the first con).

“They translate everything in french, they speak french” Guys, this is a convention in Paris, France. It’s small, maybe 400 people & 95% are french. So obviously, we speak french. That being said, I think almost everyone speaks english too. There were 7 panels with maybe 50 questions and only 2 were asked in french from people who weren’t comfortable enough to speak english in front of the cast & the audience. At PO & auto, I heard everyone speak in english to the cast. Everything is translated both in french & english (schedule, PO & autos call, speech.....). Guests answers are translated in french by Fanny, who did an incredible job. She doesn't translate everything, just the most important parts and it lasts 1-2 minutes max. And it’s funny cause she’s on stage with the guests & they interact with her. For the record, Alexander tried to answer in french. He’s not bad at it & understands it pretty well :)

Now, best surprises

Alexander Calvert. I knew he was nice from what I see on Twitter but he’s young and I admit I was afraid to feel a bit lost at his panel like I was at Osric Chau’s last year (they were talking about manga & video games which I know jack squat about) but it was quite the opposite. I even got to ask him a question! Alex is truly a sweetheart. Extremely cute & kind & shy & lovely.

David Haydn-Jones. You know how much I can’t stand Ketch but I didn’t think anything in particular about DHJ. My girl @jensendreamland loves him & when we knew he was coming this year, I said “fuck it” you need to meet him, I’m going with you. David is very kind & welcoming & cares about fans.

Kim & Briana. OH MY CHUCK they are even more gorgeous when you see them face to face. (I told Briana twice). I had them signed my copy of FDEWB. I only miss Rachel Miner, Gil McKinney (I’m pretty confident to meet them someday, they both could come in Paris) & Jared’s (my Holy Graal)

Sebastian Roché. That man I swear, he’s such a goofball. He didn’t answer any question. He was just happy to interact with the audience in french. He tried to find a girlfriend for a dude who was single & he made us sing My Heart Will Go On. I never laughed so hard at a panel.

The organization

People Con knows the business. Everything went pretty smoothly & on time except for Sunday afternoon (they were running a bit late for Briana M&G).

➕ You can win PO or coupons during the trivia sessions :)

➖ The PO photographers. Some weren’t very professional. And the background was too dark.

About the videos

You won’t see any cause videos aren’t allowed at the convention. Simply because People Con sells DVDs for each edition including Panels, exclusive interviews & Rob’s concert.

To sum up

A great great weekend. I’ll be there for the next edition #DLC4 (PC will announce dates & guests soon). We are blessed with an amazing cast & it’s always a pleasure to meet them. You know, I’m married, have 2 kids, a full time job, a house & bills to pay. I can’t travel around the world & spend tons of money for a convention, even if I’m dying to meet the js. #DLC is a breath of fresh air & allows me to fangirl with my friends for a whole weekend.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask me via DM on tumblr or twitter 😉

#DLC #DLC3 #darklightcon #supernatural #convention #france #paris

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underoossss · 6 years

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More Than A Mission H.O [2/4]

pairing: spy!Harrison Osterfield x spy!reader

SPY!AU | masterlist

A/N: I hope all of you like this second chapter! I love writing this story so much you can’t even imagine 😩❤️ Enjoy some cute tropes and two oblivious fools! Feedback or comments are always nice! (idk if I saw all of my mistakes but I hope I did! If I didn't sorry!)

Some people say they can’t pinpoint the exact moment they fell in love. You had heard it multiple times, the old “I don’t know when it started” and the “It started long before I even realized” family and friends always seemed to say that about the people they loved. But for you? For you it wasn’t like that.

When it came to Harrison Osterfield, your feelings were like walking down a long hallway with old and new memories you made together hanging from the walls until you reached a dark room. Its too dark to see anything at first and you’re too unsure and afraid to move until something happens and switches the lights on to reveal your best friend in front of you. You see him there smiling and the ground underneath you crumbles because that smile had never made you feel like that before and you love it. In that moment you let yourself fall and you love him.

In reality, it didn’t happen in a dark room and there was no hallway, there was only a hostage extraction simulation and guns with paint balls in them.

------

“Lopez, Richards, I need report on the first floor.” You spoke through your earpiece as you ascended the stairs for the third floor of the building. The paint was chipping from the wall on your right which made tiny pieces of paint fall on your shoulder and the wood under your foot creaked loudly with your next step making you wince. “Johnson, Davis, second floor report. Guys, skip this step.” You spoke to your team behind you as you continued to move.

Four pairs of footsteps followed you upstairs, guns ready and ears sharp for any sounds. After clearing the first two floors and coming to the conclusion that the hostages must be on the third, you had left parties of two behind to give you any updates and took the rest of the team with you to finish the mission. Harrison was right behind you and behind him in a neat line was Nadia Rodriguez, Tyler O’Connor and Stephanie McDougall. The five of you had been together since you started the academy so you trusted each other to complete this mission and pass the simulation.

“All clear in first floor, exists covered.”

“Second floor secure, Davis is guarding the stairs.”

“Good, now Lee, I need eyes on the third floor. What are going up against?” You held your hand up for your team to stop as you heard movement down the hallway. The dark blue walls had concrete spots where the paint was falling from and there were lighter rectangles on them from the paintings that must have been hung there before. Sunlight streamed from a hole in the ceiling and small particles of dust could be seen floating in the air as everyone held their breath and stood still. You lowered your hand once the movement subsided and continued to walk down the hall only to stop when it split into two separate ones.

“The two paths lead towards the same room according to the blueprints.” Lee spoke on your earpieces, “There’s a door to the right and one to the left. There’s a heat signal coming from inside so that’s where the hostages should be.”

“Thanks Lee. Keep me posted.” You lowered your gun and turned to your team, “Alright guys, we’re almost done so here’s what we’ll do. Osterfield, you and Rodriguez come with me to the right and O’Connor takes the left with McDougall. We’ll go in through the right first and the left team enters on my signal. All of you copy?”

Your eyes met Harrison’s and you knew right away that he could read how nervous you actually were, if this went south it was mainly on your head but everyone else could fail because of you. He gave you a nod, his gaze reassuring and his lips moving upwards to form a barely perceptible smile. No one else would’ve seen it but you were best friends, so you noticed small things like that. “Copied.” They all replied in unison and took their place on each side of the wall before stepping into the next hallway.

“Stay alert for any movement.” You turned your head for a second to address everyone before you were shoved to the side at the sound of a gunshot. A perp had been guarding one of the doors and had aimed his shot at you but there was no paint on your vest, Harrison’s however was decorated with a blue stain in the middle of his chest.

The human mind works in odd ways, your brain knew it was only a fake bullet but your heart took a blow nevertheless. Your mouth fell open in shock and anger boiled up in the pit of your stomach while you raised your gun to shoot the perp between the eyes, staining his protective goggles along with part of his nose and mouth. “Rodriguez go to the door, I’ll be right there. You two, be ready.”

You motioned Nadia to move towards the door behind you before instructing the other two 15 feet across from you to do the same with their door. Your right hand was closed in a tight first as you leaned down to Harrison’s eye level as he sat against the chipping wall. “Why would you do that, Osterfield. You knew I needed you to be in there with me.”

“Because the team needs you. You keep all of us going, YN, you’re our secret weapon.” Harrison’s smile was blinding and you felt your stomach do twenty jumping jacks in a row while the ground crumbled underneath you. “Now go and save those hostages.”

You nodded your head, unable to form coherent words as your feelings twisted your throat into a knot the size of your fist. You stood up and walked towards the door where Nadia waited for you, sparing a last glance at Harrison who sent a wink your way. Well shit, I think I just fell in love.You shook yourself out of your thoughts and gave Nadia a signal before you kicked the door open, you had some hostages to rescue.

-----

The cool October air bites at your cheeks as you step out of the taxi and walk towards the hotel in front of you. Your black ankle boots scratch the pavement underneath you and the scarf around your neck hits you in the face as you wheel your suitcase behind you, sunglasses perched on top of your nose and coffee balanced on your left arm. A pattern had been found between the appearances of certain members of Marioli’s cartel that linked them to 28th street and 3rd avenue. According to special intel, their rendezvous point seemed to be in an apartment building conveniently placed diagonally to the Hotel Beatrice. Director Diaz had organized for the hotel to free the room closest to the apartment building so that Harrison and you could stakeout the location and hopefully find a way to discover the where Folini and Marioli’s deal will take place.

You push your sunglasses back over your head as you reach the front desk. A tall man in his mid-forties greets you with a kind smile when you approach him, his hazel eyes hide behind big black rimmed glasses and his hair is covered in a thick layer of gel. “Good afternoon miss, how can I help you.”

“Hello, I have a booking under the last name Roberts.” You smile as you set your suitcase next to you, place the coffee down and lean your elbows on the counter.

“Oh yes, your husband is already upstairs. He arrived about thirty minutes ago, room 408.” He types something in the computer in front of him and clicks the mouse a couple of times before he hands you a key card with a smile. “I hope the two of you enjoy your stay, your room service is already paid for.”

“I’m sure we’ll have a lovely time.” You offer him a smile back, glancing down at his name tag to address him by his name and remember it out of a habit. “Thank you very much Lionel, see you around.”

With a small wave you head towards the elevator and wait for the doors to open while looking at you surroundings. The building has an old ambiance to it, a big staircase with elegant but old golden banisters sits to your left, leading towards the mezzanine and various paintings decorate the dark green walls. You get to notice a beautiful lamp hovering over the lobby’s waiting area before the elevator’s ding takes your gaze away from it as you step inside the cart. Your hands sweat all the way to the fourth floor, and your grip on your suitcase’s handle is so tight your knuckles turn white and your palm hurts. The thought of staying in a hotel room with Harrison for a couple of days wants to send you into a frenzy but you manage to tone down your panic while you find room 408 and open the door. Toning down your panic, however, goes out of the window when you spot the bed in the middle of the room. Only one bed. A queen bed. One.

You take a deep breath to calm down, hearing the shower running inside the bathroom and willing your heart to stop beating so loudly before Harrison saw you. “I’m so screwed.”

Harrison didn’t make you nervous, he was your best friend for heaven’s sake, youmade yourself nervous. After not seeing him for so long, all your practiced behavior around him was long forgotten and you were lost when it came to not letting him know how you felt. You forgot how to hide it and the thought of him finding out and it interfering with the mission and your friendship was enough to make you crawl into a hole and die. With another deep breath you kick off your boots, set the coffee on the desk and your suitcase next to Harrison’s opened one before you walk towards the table with all of the case’s information. You notice a folder full of pictures and flip it open to check the contents inside. Several men are in the photographs, walking, standing while waiting for the traffic light to change, talking on the phone.

You turn one photograph around, Marioli’s men: subject #16 [12:00am]is scribbled behind it along with the date and place of the photograph. The one you were currently holding was right in front of the hotel as the man in the odd baseball jersey walked into the apartment building. You sit down on the middle of the bed, crossing your legs under you and start organizing the pictures by location in front of you. Your feelings were pushed to the back of your mind as you tried to find a connection between everyone photographed other than them going into the same apartment building or the excessive jewelry hanging from their necks.

“Oh you arrived!” You hear a smile in Harrison’s voice as he opens the bathroom door and walks out towards his suitcase. “Early as usual.” His teasing tone makes you tear your gaze away from the photographs, ready to retort that it was the first time you were late to any meeting when your words get caught in your throat. The sight that greets you is definitely a sight, but not one you were expecting.

He wore only grey sweatpants that hung low on his hips as his back faced your way. His skin still had droplets of water scattered over his back and his muscles, those damn muscles, moved as he looked for something in his suitcase. Your eyes followed every moment, finally having a close look at how toned he had gotten in two years specially when his biceps flexed as he put a t-shirt on. Thank god. You realize your cheeks are burning and your jaw is about to reach the floor when Harrison starts turning around to face you. With another deep breath you take your thoughts away from his almost perfect body and pretend to concentrate on the pictures in front of you.

“This is the first time I’m late Harrison.” You speak up as you continue to distribute pictures by location and lining them up from closets to furthest distance from the apartment building. “Besides, I brought coffee.” Your shoulders move up and down and you don’t even dare to look into his eyes in fear of getting flustered and having Harrison ask what was wrong. Oh nothing, just the usual, I’m in love with you and you looked really fucking hot without a shirt one so I think I might blush if we make eye contact.

Harrison looks at the two coffee cups that you had set on the desk before chuckling and looking your way fondly, not that you saw it anyways, since your focus on was on the pictures. “Do you always bring coffee to make up for being late?” There’s amusement in his voice and something else, which makes you look up.

His eyes are soft, like they always seem to be whenever he looks at you nowadays which makes a shy smile appear on your face. “No… I bring it in hopes you’ll forgetthat I was late…” Your eyebrows furrow as you finish speaking while your eyes scan over the pictures and find a connection.

“What’s wrong, what did you find?” Harrison speaks up as he moves to sit next to you but you hold your hand up so he would let you concentrate.

“All of these men… their t-shirt match their original location. Look,” You say scooting closer to your partner, “This guy walked from 23rd street to the 30th and he’s wearing a 23 in his t-shirt. I thought it was a coincidence because they’re not all wearing the same shirt but this guy walked down from 42nd and his baseball jersey has a 42, this one’s t-shirt has a 19 and many of them are wearing the same t-shirt again.

“So they have a sort of uniform to keep track of the people in each location where they have a hideout.” Harrison picks up two pictures of two different guys that were wearing the same t-shirt with a 30 on it.

“And they all report back to the main headquarters that are right in front of us! Those are only Marioli’s men though and half of the pictures in this file, we still need something on Folini to tie everything together-”

“And find out where the deal will take place.” Harrison nods his head, turning to look at you before his face breaks out into a smile. Yours does the same at the way the two of you still manage to finish each other sentences and put all the pieces of the puzzle together after two years of being apart. “Nice find, Y/N.”

“Thanks, Haz.” You look away from the beautiful blue of this eyes and back at the pictures, your hand pushing a strand behind your ear while you tried to keep your emotions at bay. “Come on, we can use this wall to put all of these and the rest of the pictures up. And grab a coffee I was late getting your favorite.” Your shoulder bumps into his making him chuckle and shake his head before the two of you got up from the bed and got to work.

-----

It took the two of you almost three hours but all of the pictures were finally sorted and taped to the wall. You had found a weekly pattern between all of the men that were photographed, and identified Folini’s men by a tattoo all of them sported on the side of their neck. The tattoo design matched Folini’s cartel’s crest that he always wears on his pinky finger that had been pictured on a different occasion. You and Harrison worked in sync, making notes and connecting pictures and clues with a red string once you saw a pattern. Your heart fluttered every time your hands would touch and your cheeks burned every time Harrison smiled at you when you made a new discovery. It was as if nothing had changed but things had actually changed, you realize now how in love you had been and still are with him. Even after two years, your feelings hadn’t lessened at all, if anything they felt stronger than before and now your heart ached because he was so close but so far at the same time.

“Today was great, I’ve missed this. So much.” Harrison speaks up as the two of you lied in bed. The room was dark except from the light coming from the lampposts outside of the hotel that illuminated the floor next to your side of the bed. Your eyes were tired and your body craved sleep, the clock on the nightstand read 12:35 but you couldn’t go to bed. Not until you got something off your chest, something you worried about every day since Harrison left.

“I’ve missed you.” You say softly, your hands gripping the comforter tightly to keep yourself from tearing up. “I truly have, Harrison, and I need you to know that.”

“Y/N-”

“No. I-I didn’t write as often when you were gone and I know that but please don’t think it’s because I didn’t want to or because I didn’t miss you. They, um, they told me not to bother you, that this was important to you and to cut all ties with your life here was better… so I followed those orders.” You squeeze your eyes shut and calm your breathing as you talked so that Harrison wouldn’t know you were crying, especially not about something that happened so long ago.

“I know.” Harrison whispers back after a few minutes and shift in his place to face your back. “They said the same thing to me so I guessed you had received similar orders. There wasn’t one second that I thought you had forgotten about me, Y/N. Just like there wasn’t one where I didn’t miss you.” His voice is quiet, also inaudible but you heard it

You felt your shoulders relax at his words, you felt your stomach do backflips and you felt his eyes on you. Without another word you turned around, facing Harrison in the dark but staying at an arm’s length. This doesn’t mean that he’s in love with you, remember that. His hand reaches out until it touches your face, his thumb wiping away the tears that fell down your cheek.

“Don’t cry, we’re back together again. Y/N and Harrison, the FBI’s finest… Bad guys’ worst nightmare.” Although you couldn’t see Harrison’s smile, you knew it was there, unwavering, comforting and never failing to bring one on your face as well.

You let out a soft laugh, both in relief and in response to his dorky self. “Remember that time with the hostage extraction test? We were top of the class… You, um, you took that fake bullet for me.”

“And I’d do it again if I had to, because you’re the one who got our team to the top. I couldn’t let that guy fake-kill you.” Harrison’s thumb caresses your cheek softly once more before he brings his arm back to his side. His eyes are scanning your face, you can feel them on you and you hold your breath at the feeling growing inside of your chest. Why does he make me feel this way, one sentence and I’m a lovesick mess.

“We should- We should probably go to sleep. Big day tomorrow.” You clear your throat and turn back to face the hotel’s door. Your feelings were making their way to the surface and you needed to sleep before you confessed them all to him, well, more than what you already said. “And Haz? I’d take one for you too.”

“I know.” He whispers, waiting a couple of seconds before turning to face the other side as well. “Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Night, Haz.”

----

You wake up the next day feeling warm and well rested under the covers, you feel safe and comfortable and you never want to leave the bed again. You want to ignore the alarm going off on the night stand and keep on sleeping. Your pillow is too soft to abandon it, it’s as if it was keeping you close to it, never wanting to let go and you sure as hell don’t want to either. The pillow starts moving underneath you though, it shifts a little to the right and suddenly the alarm stops and silence fills the room once again. You open your eyes slowly, and furrow your eyebrows when you see Harrison’s navy blue t-shirt underneath you. The warm feeling that surrounded you minutes ago were his arms that were holding you close to him. His heartbeat is steady under your ear and he chest rises and falls with every breath he takes. Alarms go off in your head as you realize what was going on, you were cuddling Harrison Osterfield. Your face was buried in his chest, your legs were tangled with each other and your hand was holding his next to your head. What?

“Good morning,” Harrison’s voice is raspy with sleep which makes your chest flutter at the same time your brain tries to find a way to make the situation less awkward. You dare to look up at him, dazzling blue eyes heavy with sleep and a soft smile grazed his features. It was as if the universe was looking for the most cruel ways to make you fall even more for him when you knew it wasn’t the same for him. It’s giving you a glimpse at how it would be like to wake up in the arms of the man you loved, and doing it so while you were awake so that you knew that it was never going to happen. Your heart aches for him while simultaneously breaking because of him.

“Umm… hi.” You offer him a sleepy smile back before letting go of his hand and pulling away from his embrace. This is so embarrassing. “Big day today, I... I gotta pee.” With that you get off the bed and move towards the bathroom to collect yourself and give your heart a break from the torture it was going through. How am I going to survive 5 more days like this?

While you panicked, paced and panicked some more in the bathroom, you were unaware of Harrison’s own racing heart. Unaware of the frown that had come to his face when you had hurried away from the bed. Totally and completely unaware that all your fears and wishes matched his and that whatever hopelessness you felt, he felt it too.

One wall separates the two of you, three words are fighting to be uttered by your lips and the same thought goes through both of your minds:

I’m so fucking screwed.

tagging: @notimeforthemessenger @stephie-senpai @peeterparkr @katherine-liz @starksparker @upsidedownparker @spiderboytotherescue @girl-in-the-chair @hazhasmycoffee @bisexualupin @valar--m0rghulis @madmadmilk @tom-hollands-eyelash @randomfandom3599 @marvelousxtsh @unmbrellaspidey

#harrison osterfield #pauwrites #haz osterfield x reader #haz osterfield #harrison osterfield imagine #harrison osterfield x reader #harrison osterfield au #harrison osterfield series #spy!harrison #spy!au

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admirable-mairon · 5 years

Text

Update on my life and whatnot

Some of you have asked/wondered what happened in my life and just....... How I’m holding up.

Something that’s always worked for me is to simply write everything down in a long rant post, and so that is what I will do. Both for those who are curious, but also so that I will be able to put this down without having to worry about it bombarding me in every waking moment of every day.

There will be few happy things under the cut. TW for abuse (physical and verbal), trauma, threats of self-harm and suicide, mental illness, insults and harsh language. Despite all that, I promise that the post ends on a good note

Alright so where do I begin.......

Back in April I started going on Tinder and Her - Two dating apps. Not because I was looking, per se, but because I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone and hopefully gain some form of confidence. I just wanted to try this whole ‘dating app’ thing out.

And well, it went........ It went better than I had expected. I met a person that I fell in fast love with, something that was ENTIERLY new for me. Sure, when I was together with my ex I loved him - and I still do - but I had never felt this intense... I don’t know. I had never felt anything this intense before. I both jot this down to this being my first ever girlfriend, AND the fact that I had gotten my diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder earlier the same year (a really short and simplified description of that would be a lack of intuitive nuance.Emotions are either really bad or really good - not in between on a spectrum).

Fast forward and as the end of 2018 was creeping closer I had moved in with them, I had gotten myself a dog (whom I love very much still), we had a bigger apartment than before, I only have one year left at uni, they started talking about marriage, etc.....

And then, on the 28th of December 2018, my life completely shattered. They threatened to hit me and physically forced me to not leave their presence.

For clarification, my ex, and abuser, is a gender-fluid lesbian whose prefered pronouns are They, which is what I will refer to them as.

So how the hell did it all come about?

Well - My grandpa died last summer, my grandma lives in a home now, and so my mother is cleaning out their old house. Naturally, she asked me and my brother whether there were any things, furniture etc, that we wanted to keep. I said “I’m interested in at least one of those” and left it at that.

As I told them when they woke though, around noon, they immideately grew..... Intimidating. Scary. Turns I wasn’t allowed to keep that piece of furniture, and the fact that it had belonged to my grandfather “didn’t matter”. I refused to take that kind of talk, especially first thing in the morning, and told them that the discussion was over. I didn’t want to talk about it.

Once again, I was not allowed to say no. They kept going, and seeing as they ignored my verbal ‘no’, I took up my phone to scroll around and show them physically that I wouldn’t keep talking about it.... At which point they reached forward to take my phone from me.

My rapist used to do that - my latest abuser - and I reacted on instinct, and took it back. Seeing as my nails are long I accidentally scratched them, which they used against me even as I tried to apologize.

“You’re lucky I’m not like you, or I would have broken up with you now, because you hurt me physically”

“I know - I’m sorry! I panicked when you tried to take my phone!”

“Well that doesn’t matter. I didn’t try to take it, I tried to push it down. I COULD have just taken it and thrown it to the other side of the room and into a wall”

Aka I should be happy that it wasn’t worse.

Feeling REALLY unsettled now I tried to leave the bedroom, but I wasn’t allowed to. They PHYSICALLY placed themself in front of me and blocked my path, towering over me and refusing to let me leave. They physically blocked the doorway, but seeing as I’m stronger and heavier I managed to push myself out through a surge of adrenaline, and I ran to the bathroom so I could lock myself in until it was safe.

That didn’t happen. They ran after me and forced the door open, not letting me tug it closed no matter what I did. At this point I was desperate and screaming at them to leave me alone, but they refused. I didn’t get a choice in the matter. So finally I screamed what had been echoing subtly at the back of my head for weeks:

“It doesn’t feel like you want a girlfriend - It feels like you just want a servant!”

And that is when they raised their hand in a clear threat to hit me. They did so twice, and I was deadly afraid at this point. I screeched at them to leave me alone and all they did was keep repeating the phrase:

“What’s wrong with you? Why do you always exaggerate?”

They also physically tried to shut me up by pushing a finger onto my mouth, and I was desperate and pumped with adrenaline at that point. But I wasn’t just scared - I was also angry. Beyond angry - I was blindingly furious.

I don’t remember why atm, but they suddenly started crying about the whole ordeal, and I quite frankly said that I didn’t feel sorry for them. I was furious, and THEY threatened me, not the other way around.

Things escalated further then. They ran into the bathroom and started tearing out every single box and cupboard and shelf - all in search for razors so they could cut themself. Realizing this, of course, I threw myself after them and used all my strength to pull them back. When they didn’t find the razors (and because I held on) - They ran into the kitchen and struggled to get to our kitchen knives. Yup - I’m talking about meat knives, vegetable knives, bread knives, etc.

I managed to pull them back into the living room at which point they calmed down somewhat. I said I would call the doctor - and they promised me dearly that they would jump from the balcony if I did. They later admitted that they deliberately struggled to force me to hurt them when I restrained them, aka they used my body as a tool to self-harm.

At that point I was just......... Exhausted. Empty. Drained. And so unbelievably hurt and betrayed. But our dog needed a walk, so I took him out and called my best friend meanwhile - telling her about the situation.

I want you to understand why I didn’t leave right at that moment - I had nowhere to go. Where WOULD I go?! Gothenburg is a hellscape when it comes to finding apartments or homes, I had already paid the rent for that apartment, etc. The only reason I didn’t leave then and there was because there were too many loose strings. There were couches I could sleep on, sure - but what about an apartment? What about my own room? Where would I live safetly?

During all this time, I also updated my chosen family in Denmark about what happened, to which the response was “We will get you down here. You’re in danger. We support you in everything you do”.

I decided to stay one more day at least. I planned on writing two lists - One with pros of staying and one with cons. That, and I needed to think...... AND we were going to see the Hunchback of Notre-Dame the day after. I had waited to see that show for FIVE YEARS and I was not going to miss it because my partner decided to be an asshole.

Fast forward to the evening of the 29th. The day had gone on...... Fine. But I knew from experience that I wasn’t actually feeling it. I had no romantic feelings, no love - no affection for the human next to me other than the barest form of compassion that is “I would really like you to not die”.

I wrote the list, I read it to them, because parts of it also came down to their reaction to being told what not to do.

Well - I wouldn’t be writing this if they had realized their mistakes, would I?

The immideate response to everything was to throw blame on everyone else, on me for making them mad, for provoking them, on their mother, on their illnesses and their autism, which I shut down immideately. I have mental illnesses as well as BPD, but that doesn’t give me the right to blame ABUSE on it and refuse to correct my behaviour.

I broke up with them then, though it was in..... more careful terms than I would have wished. I wish I had just said it outright, but it’s hard to dump someone you know? I am a compassionate person - I didn’t want to crush them further, especially cause they had threatened with suicide the day before. They begged me to stay, naturally, and said they would do anything to have me stay. However, when I brought up that I would like for her to go to the doctor, while I went down to my family in Denmark, they once again refused. They wanted me to simply sit at home, because she saw it as punishment.

After a lot of going back and forth I managed to convince them to go to one of our neighbours, their best friend, while I made some calls and sorted out my brain.

I called my best friend, to sort my thoughts out, I called the doctor to get advice and information on how their routines work, and then I called my ex’s father to explain the situation. He had the right to know that his child was heavily suicidal and that I wouldn’t be there to take care of it. Furthermore, I needed him to watch our dog just for a couple of days. Not forever, but just until I was in a safe place, and had made quite a lot of calls just in case we would have to sell him on.

I also packed my stuff that night, and bought my ticket for Denmark. But what does one pack when one is running for one’s life? I packed necessities, naturally, but also valuables I didn’t need, because they had proven to be violent so I had no way of knowing they WOULDN’T destroy my things while I was gone.

They soon realized what I was doing however, as I kept in contact with both the friend and their dad, and I was ORDERED not to go to Denmark, at which point I’m honestly proud of my reply.

“If you leave for Denmark, we are over” “Great. Then the relationship is over at 10.55 tomorrow morning”

All night I also had to watch over our puppy of course - The last night I would ever spend with him, and this is the part where I usually break into tears. Even now. I can tell the rest of it with a certain cold hate - I do not mourn my relationship, but I......... I mourn my little baby boy.

He had no idea that that was the last time he would ever get to see his favourite mommy. He had no idea that he would never get to sleep on my chest again, that I would never kiss his little head or nose again, that this time Mommy would never again come back once mommy left. I’m crying now that I write this. Only now, because I miss my baby boy so much - I love him....! But I can’t take care of a dog, I barely have a home, I don’t have the time because of my studies, and while my ex doesn’t have a lot of money, they have resources. And if they can’t take care of him, I contacted his previous owner to make sure that there was a safe place he could go.

I miss my Hanzo so much that my heart breaks, and seeing little dogs downtown actually physically hurt nowadays, because I know that somewhere there’s a darling boy who will never know where his Mommy went. He will never know how much I love him.

I had to leave though, and leave I did. I called my internship and explained the situation, I contacted Hanzo’s first owner, AND surprisingly, I called my mother. I guess no matter how much anger and disappointment I have towards her - When my life shattered I really really just wanted my mom. And for the first time she actually supported me in the way I needed. She was THERE for me! I wasn’t scolded for what I had done, I wasn’t blamed for my own abuse - She actually behaved like I’ve heard mothers are supposed to.

I healed rather quick after that, or rather I put myself together thanks to my family in Denmark. There was disney, and food, and DnD and just so much love and freedom. I wasn’t even SAD that I had left - I was just so relieved and happy and free! Like I could breathe again, even though I couldn’t pinpoint when I had stopped, you know? All through it my parents and friends back home did everything they could to help me solve the issue of the fact that I was now homeless. I am so privileged and happy to have them in my life - I had help and support where many might not have. Some might not have had the opportunity I did. Some might not have been able to run away, and honestly I can imagine few things that are worse than being stuck in that kind of prison.

Remember my earlier note about being seen as a servant? Yea - that was very confirmed. The Ex tried to contact me and give me orders all through that week - talking to me like I wasn’t even a human being. There were demands and orders and things I HAD to do, things I HAD to pay, etc etc. I was insulted, compared to abusers (ironically), and overall treated like I was a mere object and possession. I called them out on it and politely told them to stop using such a derogatory tone and treat me with some form of basic human respect. The excuse for that attitude was that “Well you don’t understand simple commands unless I say them in this way. Grow up. Respect is earned”

There was still the problem of moving my things out of the apartment, but through many calls, texts and the effort of both my friends and my family, I had help both economically and physically to move all my stuff out. We had been promised that the apartment would be clean and ready to be packed and moved, so to speak, as she was going to “switch back” to the smaller apartment.

However when we arrived it was......... I don’t even know how to describe how nasty it was. Unwashed dishes (MY dishes), rotten food and trash, dirty floors, dirty laundry and it was damn near impossible to move around in there. Luckily they weren’t there when we arrived, but I had my key, AND we had been in contact with the couple we had switched apartments with, who were now supposed to move into that... mountain of garbage. They had apparently also been lied to and used while I was away in Denmark.

When They - the ex - finally came, they threw a fit, and I literally nearly attacked them. Not because they were there, per se, but because they threatened my mother. They treated my mom just like they had that day, they were threatening and downgrading and kept telling my own mother that I was “A worthless excuse for a human being, and I honestly can’t imagine anything more nasty than your daughter”

This is where my mother grew in my eyes. If I ever doubted that my mother loves me, or is proud of me, it changed in that very moment. Because I got to see my mother - my daint little ladylike mother - stand up to my abuser and command the entire fucking room.

“You can think whatever you want, but there is nothing in this world I’m more proud of than my daughter, so take that attitude, stick it somewhere, and get out of my face so we can pack our stuff and finally get you out of our lives”

Let me tell you, those hours of packing were long. All the while, we had my abuser going around and at every possible moment they insulted me. Thanks to mom’s outburst earlier however, my hate for Them simmered down to a cool form of disgust, so I didn’t take any form of provocation from them. Not even when they sat next to me and just spewed insult after insult.

“What’s wrong with you?” “Dunno” “Like seriously - what’s wrong with you” “Dunno” “There has to be something cause you’re so pathetic that I almost feel pity for you” “Mhm. So this box of things is mine right?”

It pissed them off quite a lot. There was also a real threat from our side that if they escalated things or kept being threatening, we WOULD call the police. Let me tell you, there were some close calls - Especially when they dropped a box full of stuff on my mom’s back.

But then we could leave. We were done. I blocked them on my phone and I will never look back.

---

That................. Became a longer post than even I expected honestly.

But after all that - How am I doing now?

So. Much. Better.

Not only has my relationship with my mother improved, not only am I free to live my life and by my own rules, but I have also come to the genuine realization that I’m not single because I am not worthy of love, but because I’m WORTH waiting for something good. Until that comes along however, if it ever does, I’m WORTH being happy and living my life for ME!

I live in a room in my aunt’s place, and honestly it’s so damn cozy? It’s cheap and worth it, I feel safe, there are cats, my cousins are here sometimes and honestly my aunt and I get along great!

The only remaining issue is that of Hanzo, which I’m looking into more properly, ergo “Will I need a lawyer? Is my case strong enough?” - Not to have him live with me, but to have him live with someone who can afford bringing him to the vet, buy him food, and NOT having him live in a filthy home with rotting trash and food everywhere.

Overall I like to look at this experience like a REALLY nasty bout of having to clean out the shower drain.

Cleaning the shower drain is nasty, and it doesn’t matter how many layers of protection you wear - It’s still gross. It smells, and the filth can be hard to get rid of, especially if it’s sewage that’s been stuck for a bit and had time to grow. Even when the procedure is done and the clog has been flushed down the toilet, one feels rather nasty and grimy and as though one will never be clean. But ALAS! After a shower, or twelve, that nasty feeling is gone and now that the drain has been cleaned, the water flows freely - clean - and natural. And everything feels so much better.

My abuser is that clog, but they have been flushed away - Cleaned up, the water flows freely, and I feel like a new person.

I haven’t even taken my anti-depressants for a couple of days and felt NOTHING!

---

TL;DR: Even though this was my second abusive relationship, I’m safe and happy now. I love living - I love breathing - I love studying!

Even though flashbacks might occassionally haunt me - Even though words will occassionally come back to sting - I will not let them stop me in my life.

Thank you for reading <3 I’m done now <3 I promise

#personal #tw: abuse #tw: physical abuse #tw: mental abuse #tw: mental illness #tw: threat of suicide #tw: threat of self harm #tw: abusive relationship

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lululawrence · 6 years

Photo

lululawrence’s April 2018 Fic List

Click here for previous months’ fic lists

It’s the 28th of another month and time for more fan fic writer and fan artist appreciation! This list is a long one this month since I went on vacation and was able to do more reading than usual, so let’s get going with the list of fics I was lucky enough to be able to read!

Everything Comes Back To You by @jaerie / jaerie This was so soft! Hurt/comfort going both ways and Marcel and soft Louis and just so many things I love in a fic. It was lovely and I adored it.

Saw It In Your Eyes by @taggiecb / taggiecb You know that post about the totally straight guy that has a freakout because he saw his (openly gay) roommate with another dude and he’s afraid he’s homophobic but it turns out he was just jealous and not as straight as he thought? THIS FIC IS BASED ON THAT POST AND IT’S GLORIOUS I TELL YOU!!!

peppermint by ihavetoomuchfreetime Okay listen. I rarely read pairings other than Larry, but when I do it’s usually Tomlinshaw or Ziam, and this Ziam fic was fab. It was recced to me to help me while I was dealing with some of the worst spring allergies I’ve had in years and it made me giggle through my itchy eyes and scratchy throat. I defo recommend it.

Friend of the Devil by @taggiecb / taggiecb This is more of the Satan/Santa series Lacey has going and it’s PHENOMENAL OKAY! all of them need read so just. Please make sure you do. They’re the fluffiest shit I think we will ever have Lacey give us. lol

No Easy Love (Could Make Me Feel This Way) by @allwaswell16 / allwaswell16 Alpha Louis/Alpha Harry exes to lovers fluffy smutty shit? YES PLEASE! And in true Anitra fashion, they were both adorable while also being hysterical in parts with a side of emotions, so there’s that too. A defo must read.

I’d Still Dance With You by @flamboyantommo / kikikryslee Gosh I love age difference fics and I don’t even know why. I’d been looking forward to this one and it defo didn’t disappoint. It was so sweet and lovely and so good, even if I did want to bash people’s heads in every once in awhile. lolll

Don’t Be Scared Pretty Kitty by ttomlinstyles Okay listen. I’m a sucker for hybrid fics and this was one of the first ones I ever read, back before I understood how to use ao3 and bookmarks and such so when it was linked to me again I about died. Please be careful of the tags, but I did thoroughly enjoy the reread!

For the Love of Biscuits by Snowy38 Another hybrid fic cause I loooove them haha This one was so sweet and lovely! It was everything I love about hybrid fics hehe

Cling to Me by Snowy38 Koala!Harry!!!!!! Seriously, this fic was SOOOO SWEET and adorable and I want all the koala fics now. it was so so so cute.

Don’t Talk Dirty To Me by @miafi / miadotfi This had me laughing so hard while also being somewhat mortified hahaha It was such a great little pick me up for a bad day! I loved it.

Saving Symphony Hall by @helloamhere / helloamhere I’m sure everyone’s already heard the praises being sung for this fic by now, but honestlyyyyyyy! It was glorious and I loved the delving into the a/b/o world while still having so much more be a part of it than just that and the various plot points and everything and it was just. So good.

Simply Irresistable by @all-these-larrythings / rearviewdreamer This fic was so lovely. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it was one of those where the characters do just what you want them to (or they did just what I wanted them to anyway lol) and it makes for such a great, happy, soft read.

If You Want More, Then Here I Am by @2tiedships2 / 2tiedships2 Mel scored once again! She just keeps blessing us with the a/b/o goodness and soulmates and just. This one was once again filled with her awesome humor and pining silly boys. It was a great vacation read :D

Always Darkest before the Sunrise by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry Despite the fact the title always makes me start singing Florence (and I know, the lyrics aren’t even the same! I can’t help it!), I really do love this fic. There was such a mystical and almost chaotic feel to it until things started piecing together, and I loved how it was truly a mystery from the beginning as to how everything would come together.

Cosmic Love by @smittenwithlouis / smittenwithlouis Guys. This fic. I’ve got a few alien fics this month, but I just loved this one! It seemed so real for how everyone would react to the given situation and I can’t stop laughing over Aerosmith, tbh. Anyway. A great fic!

Wild at Heart Ain’t Hard to Find by @becomeawendybird / QuickedWeen Girl Larry with besties Boy Niam?? In a historical town in the Wild West? Gosh yes. It was so hot and fun and sassy and I adored it.

I Didn’t Fall For You (You Fucking Tripped Me) by @allwaswell16 / allwaswell16 Okay listen. lollllll More fab a/b/o, more fab humor, and MONITOR LIZARDS. lollll okay so only one monitor lizard. But still. It was a fab read that I fully enjoyed every minute of.

Let Me Touch You Where Your Heart Is by @fakedeepplantjerker / kassio Okay. As soon as I read Caught My Attention, I immediately begged that we not be left wondering and was glad to hear the wonderful kassio/fakedeepplantjerker was planning a sequel. I HAD NO IDEA IT WOULD BE SUCH A GLORIOUS SEQUEL. I loved the first part, but the second was just as amazing, if not more so. Defo read the first part, absolutely 100% read this sequel!

Introduction to Dynamics by @juliusschmidt / juliusschmidt This fic was AMAZING. The structure of it, the issues brought about regarding late presentation and the transition during that time as well as just everything regarding Louis being a male omega and all the craziness with that was just. AMAZING. As should be expected from all fics Alex touches, really. But yeah, I loved this one very much a lot.

Convalescent Boy (With a Heart of Gold) by Anonymous Okay the Gryles friendship in this fic made me cackle and made me think of me with some of my friends so I absolutely loved it, but the way that Marcel was with Louis and vice versa was so lovely! So sweet! So tender! I adored it.

Linger by @yourpricelessadvice / yourpricelessadvice Who else adores slow burn? And people trying to ignore the fact they should totally date and kinda are dating but are pretending they are just friends? Cause I know I do and this fic was fab for that. Plus we got to know the side characters so well and get good insight to other relationships in there and it was just glorious. I really enjoyed this one!

Don’t Let the Tide Come and Take Me by @icanhazzalou / kiwikero Mermaid Harru! With a twist! Gosh I adored this. I was freaking out, trying to figure out how it would all work out the entire time but then I was like WHAAAAAA and it was incredible. Defo give this one a read!

Lead Butterfly by @londonfoginacup / LadyLondonderry Pirates! Nobles! Poor Harry and Captain Louis! Tattoos! Hurt/Comfort! Awesome Niall and Liam! There is seriously so much in this fic to love and I’ve barely touched on it.

Both Sides by @louiesunshine / louiesunshine GOSH I am a sucker for friends to lovers and this was the epitome of that. Pining out of the gills, the inevitability of it all, you know? It just was glorious and lovely and pure and I really enjoyed it!

Ain’t That a Kick in the Head! by @lesbianharrie and @maybetheyrefireproof/ lesbianharrie and wreckingtomlinson This might be the funniest fic I’ve ever read. I loved it for about 17 million reasons and was crying laughing/wheezing/trying not to pee cause it was just all sorts of amazing. Disaster gay Harry was a gift I didn’t know I needed until I had it and I’m so happy I do now.

Before I Fall Too Fast by @goodmorningtoyouuniverse / xxSterre All the pining. All of it. Friends that are always pining and loving each other from afar is just everything I adore in a fic and that’s what we were gifted with here. What a lovely read.

Wearing Nothing But Your Kiss by @catfishau / dinosaursmate KK is the queen of Friends AUs and this one of course is as amazing as the others. It made me giggle and laugh and hope for them to figure their shit out. A classic KK read, which obvs means you wanna be sure not to miss it.

The Balcony by @maggieisalarrie / maggieisalarrie (ls2k14) This was exactly what I needed on a horrible mental health day where I couldn’t focus on anything. It was short but entertaining and silly and a fun read. I was so happy it was there for when I needed it!

SPHERICAL by @velvetnoodle / velvetnoodle (goldfishsunglasses) This was also exactly what I needed on that same horrible day and this also made me giggle and helped me get out of myself. It was just so damn pure and I honestly wanted more hahaha It was fab and a gift.

Alien Roadtrip! by @helloamhere / helloamhere Area 61. That’s all I’m saying about that, but I’m still giggling days later over that. Once again, another alien Harry fic! Can you tell this is also a weakness of mine? I love it. This was so emotional and lovely and so much more than a road trip fic, even though I love those too. It was just...I can’t even find words for it. Just read it please.

Peace So Sweet by @shyshyserious / shyserious Another amazing a/b/o fic, but this one featuring NESTING!!! I love omega nesting instincts and had forgotten how much so until I read this fic. What a fab fic and again, protective alpha Louis and nesting omega Harry? Like, if that’s not you’re thing then fine, but you should defo give it a chance because it was lovely.

Whew. And that’s it friends! It was long this month, but I really loved all of these fics and thank you so much to the amazing authors who put so much time and effort into giving me these hours of entertainment! I adore all of you for it. Until May, Happy Reading!

#mine #fic rec #my fic rec #28th appreciation #fic writer appreciation #april 2018 fic list #fic list

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nolongeractivepecahtelur · 4 years

Text

Tonight I lost a friend. His name is Kamal. He died because of a car accident.

Kamal and I were mere acquaintance. We knew each other due to us being in the same organization but we had our interactions.

We shared the same birthday. He was born on January 28th 2000, I was born on January 28th 2001. It was something we often joked about and was a funny moment when we both found out about it. We were sitting around in circles and I remembered doing this funky little interview with him and the guy we interviewed was asking a bunch of light questions, one of them was about birthday. Kamal was up first as he sat close to the interviewee. He said, “I was born on 28th January 2000”. I gaped my mouth and stared at him in disbelief. I never met someone with the same birthday, it was always me, I’m the only guy in Indonesia with that date as a birthday date! So when it was my turn I look at him in the eye and said, “I was born on 28th January too”. He was like, “What? No you don’t”. It was funny. Back then, I felt like something special was taken from me and it was kind of annoying, but as time passed by I learned to not be petty about it and we fist-bumped while wishing each other happy birthdays on 28th January 2020. Alls good. Alls great.

It was just yesterday’s noon I saw his instagram story. He lived in Tegal and he was travelling to Bandung to get his stuffs from his kos. I wanted to reply at first but I changed my mind on the last second. I thought, “there’ll be next time, I’ll just ask him then,” I have no idea that there won’t be.

I am still grieving as I typed this post. I am not very close to him but Kamal was a kind soul. A gentle one. He was nice to everyone and had a critical mind. He was not afraid to speak his opinion. He lived his life well and would have been the most promising student if the unspoken ifs... He was loved by his family and friends but I guess God loves him more as he took him on a good day, Friday.

Kamal’s death is too soon. He was too young. His death brought a cruel realization to me that time is limited and we have no idea when its due. That is why we should say what we want to say now. Do what we have to do. Before its too late. Rest easy, Mal. I’ll miss you dearly.

Your friend,

Ega

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entireoranges · 6 years

Text

🔑

My goal is to fill 5 of these. These being “lonely” or unfilled promts from live journal community comment_fic that I gathered over time. I��m always adding to it. Fair warning I think there are like 120. If any catch your eye and you want me to do let me know. Actually it won’t let me post all so yeah a lot!

Jan. 4th, 2010] author's choice, author's choice, he/she always takes care of everyone else, but no one ever seems to notice the pain he/she feels... until now (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 18th, 2010] Doctor Who, any Doctor EXCEPT Ten, sugar high. (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 7th, 2011] Star Trek (TOS), Amanda/Sarek, illogical (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 7th, 2011] M*A*S*H, ensemble, 10 years after the war ends, they all get back together for a reunion (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 26th, 2011] Author's choice, author's choice, wabi-sabi (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 17th, 2012] Doctor Who, Nine, right after the Time War (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 23rd, 2012] Any, Any, Fire and Ice by Robert Frost (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 7th, 2014] Any, Any+Any, "What do you mean, we're out of __________?!" (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 7th, 2014] any, any, on a diet and pining for ice cream (or other junk food.) (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 16th, 2014] any, any, the affair started after their reunion (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 22nd, 2014] any, any, powerful (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 24th, 2014] [100 words] Any, any, "I fixed it." "How is that fixed?" (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 28th, 2014] [dialogue only] author's choice, author's choice, surprise! (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 28th, 2014] [dialogue only] any, any, snow (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 3rd, 2015] any, any, roommates meeting for the first time (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 5th, 2015] Any, any, (602): I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are... (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 8th, 2015] any, any, strip poker (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 15th, 2015author's choice, author's choice, they say she died one winter (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 17th, 2015] any. any. "I'm waking up." (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 27th, 2015] Star Trek:TOS, Spock+/Christine Chapel, Hurt/Comfort (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 4th, 2016] any, any, caught in a flood (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 13th, 2016] author's choice, author's choice, the first hurricane [character] experiences (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 8th, 2016] any, any het pairing, the first time trying something new (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 26th, 2016] author's choice, any + any bilingual/multilingual character, "What does this say?" (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 13th, 2016] author's choice, author's choice, missing the rain (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 6th, 2016] any, any, a gift of love (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 18th, 2016] Any, Any, the birth of the universe. (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 20th, 2016] any. any. Must you bring that to bed? (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 22nd, 2016] any. any. The gravedigger (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 26th, 2011] author's choice, any, "Excuse me, is this yours?" (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 26th, 2016] Any, Any, Are you even real? (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 29th, 2016] Any, Any, home early from trip as a surprise (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Jan. 7th, 2017] Any, Any, pottery class http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Jan. 9th, 2017 ] Any, Any, The Head and The Heart http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Jan. 10th, 2017] Enterprise, Hoshi Sato +/ Malcolm Reed, language lessons http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Jan. 11th, 2017] Any, any, wishing on a shooting star http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Jan. 11th, 2017] Any, any, gravitational pull http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Jan. 12th, 2017] Any, Any, "Stay Afraid but do it anyway" http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Jan. 12th, 2017] Any, any+/any, hello darkness my old friend http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Jan. 16th, 2017 ] any. any/any. "You love me?" http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Jan. 21st, 2017] any, any, blue dress with polka dots. http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Jan. 24th, 2017] Star Trek (any TV), any/any, waking up in sickbay with no recollection of how they got there http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Feb. 13th, 2012] Doctor Who, any doctor + companion, the rain on this planet will eat you alive (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Feb. 24th, 2012 ] Dr. Who, any, a planet filled with dragons/griffins/unicorns, etc. (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Feb. 21st, 2013] Any, any, humming the "Wedding March". (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Feb. 2nd, 2013] Any, any, hot air balloon (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Feb. 14th, 2013] any, any, no one has ever given me flowers (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Feb. 15th, 2013] any, any, Let me be your armor / Let me be your shield / Let me take away the pain you feel / Let me be the light / That guides your way through darkest night / Let me be your armor. (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Feb. 25th, 2013] Any, any/any, A Southern Screw (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Feb. 20th, 2014] Any, F+M, introducing him/her to some spicy food dish. (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Feb. 19th, 2015] any(/any), any/any + any/any, double date (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Feb. 9th, 2015] any, any, mercy kill (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Feb. 11th, 2015 ] any, any, Sins of the Father (The Flash (1990)) (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Feb. 13th, 2015] any, any, nothing left to lose (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Feb. 20th, 2015] Any, Any+/Any, They made a pledge that if they reached fifty and were still (or once more) single they'd get married. (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Feb. 21st, 2015] any book. any. nude (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Feb. 28th, 2015] author's choice, any, "You've never seen [Disney movie]?!" (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Feb. 28th, 2015] any. any/any. jealousy (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Feb. 4th, 2016] any. any. delusion [no dialogue] http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Feb. 5th, 2016 ] any. any. magenta http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Feb. 17th, 2016] any. any. The father of the bride. http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Feb. 29th, 2016] Any (except Supernatural), any/any, becoming legal http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Feb. 2nd, 2017 ] Author's Choice, any/any, "If this isn't love, I don't know what is." http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Feb. 3rd, 2017] [500 words -] author's choice, author's choice, grief http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 7th, 2013] any, any, I paid for her. She's mine. http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 7th, 2013] author's choice, author's choice, Everyone points and whispers about us. We must be doing something right. http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 9th, 2013] any, any female character, hair dying/highlighting http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 9th, 2013] any, any, bed on fire http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 14th, 2013] any, any, keeping the room dark b/c of a migraine http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 16th, 2013] any, any, school photos http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 23rd, 2013 ] any. any. "We're in this together." http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 19th, 2014 ] author's choice, any, curses like a sailor (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Mar. 27th, 2014] any, any, endgame (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Mar. 20th, 2014] Any, Any, To The Last Man (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Mar. 2nd, 2015] any, any, karaoke night http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 2nd, 2015] any, any, singing the same song over and over http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 12th, 2015] any, any, sole survivor http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 14th, 2015] any. any. P.S. I Love You http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 14th, 2015] any. any. She Came In Through The Bathroom Window http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 18th, 2015 ] any. any. If they had known that would be the last time they would be together... http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 3rd, 2016 ] any book. any/any. "I love you with everything I am, everything I've been, and everything I hope to be." http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 5th, 2016] any, any, They're not coming for us. They're coming for you. http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 9th, 2016] Author's choice, author's choice, The Eve of the War http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 15th, 2016] author's choice, author's choice, that one moment that could've changed everything - it goes differently http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 16th, 2016] any. any. [minor character] Going home. http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 1st, 2017] Any, any, December birthdays http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 2nd, 2017] any fandom - any character - a fireplace, a book and a cup of tea http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 8th, 2017] any fandom - any mother or/and father - the day her (his/their) first child was born will always be a special one http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 20th, 2017] Any, Any, look into your eyes and the sky's the limit http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 21st, 2017] any, any, calling the wedding off. http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 21st, 2017] any, any, first dance as a married couple. http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Mar. 23rd, 2017] any fandom - any character - secrets and lies http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…

[Apr. 9th, 2014] any, any, reunion (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Apr. 10th, 2015] Any, Any, blood (Hurt/Comfort) (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Apr. 10th, 2015] any, any, temporary loss of voice (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Apr. 10th, 2015] any. any. from the ashes (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

[Apr. 8th, 2016] Any, any, all worth it in the end (http://comment-fic.livejournal.com…)

#writing goals

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andybjorgman · 7 years

Text

—— introductions.

—— ❝ let’s start off easy. tell me the basics. ❞

[ name ] andrew agnarr bjorgman of arendelle.

[ nicknames / aliases ] andy, his royal highness prince andrew bjorgman of arendelle.

[ date of birth ] february 28th, 2001.

[ place of birth ] the kingdom of arendelle.

[ age ] sixteen.

[ marital status ] single.

[ occupation ] student at auradon prep, prince, third in line for the throne of arendelle.

[ titles ] his royal highness, prince andrew of arendelle.

[ gender identity ] cismale.

[ allegiance ] heroes/arendelle.

[ spoken language(s) ] english, french.

—— ❝ what of your family ?? are they still alive ?? ❞

[ father ] prince kristoff bjorgman of arendelle ( alive ).

[ mother ] princess anna bjorgmanof arendelle ( alive ).

[ sibling(s) ] prince/ss ( tba. ) bjorgman of arendelle ( alive ).

[ children ] none.

—— ❝ now let’s paint a picture of you. ❞

[ height/weight ] 5′7″ ( 170 cm ) & 135 lbs. ( 61 kg ).

[ built ] athletic & lean.

[ hair color ] blond.

[ eye color ] brown.

[ voice ] tenor.

[ style of speech ] smooth, quiet.

[ scars ] multiple from childhood accidents.

[ abnormalities ] tba.

[ clothing ] tight yet not restricting, comfortable and casual, relaxed colors ( emphasis toward neutral tones, blues, and greens ), simple.

—— ❝ tell us, what kind of person are you ?? ❞

[ star sign ] pisces.

[ alignment ] lawful good.

[ enneagram type ] type 2 - the helper.

[ color personality ] you are deep sky blue. #00BFFF.

your dominant hues are cyan and blue. you like people and enjoy making friends. you're conservative and like to make sure things make sense before you step into them, especially in relationships. you are curious but respected for your opinions by people who you sometimes wouldn't even suspect.

your saturation level is very high - you are all about getting things done. the world may think you work too hard but you have a lot to show for it, and it keeps you going. you shouldn't be afraid to lead people, because if you're doing it, it'll be done right.

your outlook on life is very bright. you are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation.

[ what plant(s) best represent you ]

CHAMOMILE. easy-going, friendly and well liked, you’ve got a gentle and sweet nature and a calming presence that puts others at ease. your sensitivity to others may cause you to take on too much of other people’s feelings, though, and you may even be prone to worry.

ECHINACEA. a protector. with an amazing blend of optimism, nurturing and goodwill, you lend your strength and energy to those in need. your seemingly infinite goodwill and boundless supportive energy make you the one people turn to when times are tough. your greatest strength is, of course, also one of your weaknesses, especially if you neglect to take care of yourself. at times like these, it’s a good idea to take a step back and focus some of that protective energy on yourself.

SLIPPERY ELM. let’s just say you’re a vocal person. sure, that might mean you’re chatty. but it also means you’re the one humming in the hallway, singing in the shower, speaking your mind, standing up and shouting if need be to get yourself heard. you’ve got a voice and you know how to use it. inclined to speak up for the voiceless, defend the defenseless or simply bring joy to the joyless, you may have a tendency to overuse your voice.

—— ❝ do you have anything more you wish to say ?? ❞

andrew “ andy ” kristopher bjorgman was born on february 28th, 2001 to anna & kristoff bjorgman, prince and princess of arendelle. he has one older sibling and grew up in arendelle castle.

loves to travel, due to his mom always taking him on trips to other kingdoms. hes really interested in the history of the different kingdoms as well, often exploring when his mom is busy with diplomatic affairs.

although mostly a history buff, andy just likes learning in general. hes the kind of kid who doesn’t always have their nose in a book, but if they have some free time theyd rather read than waste time, y’know? he’s a solid A- student because he knows the material, but sometimes he zones out in class and misses important information like homework instructions or test dates.

andy is all about doing the right thing, and isnt afraid to speak his mind when it comes to issues he feels passionate about. hes truly lawful good. also, in the same ballpark, he is pro vks because hes a firm believer that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. he isnt sure how he feels about the returning villains though, and doesnt avoid them, but also doesnt go out of his way to be around them.

similarly, andrew isnt shy but he also isnt the most outgoing person in the world. like if you strike a conversation with him he can speak with you for hours, but more often than not he isnt the one who initiates it. that doesnt mean he wont start a conversation with you though, bc baby boy also tries to make as many friends as he can.

he is very optimistic and positive, so much so that sometimes it seems fake ( and it may as well be him lying to himself ). he just hates the idea that the world is full of evil so he tries to focus on the good things in life and disregard the bad.

regarding powers: he has none. nada. zip. it was always a concern of his mom and aunt that the gene would pass to anna’s children, but it never did.

hes a big ball of sunshine, basically, who is just trying to make the world a better place one small step at a time !!!

this isnt complete but im super tired so ill finish tomorrow. if you message to plot i can go more in depth with characterization and backstory !

IM OR LIKE THIS POST TO PLOT !

ooc: im about to head to bed so plotting and interactions will begin tomorrow !

#descendcnts:intro #{ hey yall im lina !!! i'll post a thingy in the ooc chat tomorrow when i get on !! }#[ & ; about ]#tw long post

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the-communist-ted-cruz · 7 years

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1 through 155

1: Full name.Comrade Ted Rafael Edward Lenin Cruz2: Zodiac sign.Hammer and Sickle3: 3 fears.no fears lol4: 3 things I love.•communism•revolution •red5: 4 turn on’s.Seizing the means6: 4 turn off’s.Capitalism7:My best friend?My buddy, Trotsky8:Sexual orientation?Commo-sexual9:My best first date?yeah10:How tall am I?huge11:What do I miss?Lenin12:What time was I born?28th of December, 192213:Favorite color?Red and Yellow14:Do I have a crush?Maybe (here's a hint: Marx)15:Favorite quote?“lol communism great”-Lenin16:Favorite place?Glorious Soviet Union17:Favorite food?Food? does not compute18:Do I use sarcasm?perhaps19:What am I listening to right now?Soviet Union Anthem20:First thing I notice in new person?whether or not they are bourgeoisie 21:Shoe size?shoe?22:Eye color?red23:Hair color?Red 24: Favorite style of clothing?Soviet25:Ever done a prank call?that's punishable by Gulag26:What color of underwear I’m wearing now?red27:Meaning behind my URL?it's who I am, mom28:Favorite movie?Communism (the sequel)29:Favorite song?Soviet Union Anthem 30:Favorite band?Red Choir31:How I feel right now?Strong32:Someone I love.Marx33:My current relationship status.Seizing the means brb34:My relationship with my parentsThey did not support communism but no matter. They are gone now.35:Favorite holiday.Birth of Soviet Union36:Tattoos and piercing I have.Hammer and Sickle37:Tattoos and piercing I want.More38:The reason I joined Tumblr.To seize the posts of production 39:Do I and my last ex hate each other?my ex isn't a communist anymore and also dead so :/40:Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts?From the State41:Have I ever kissed the last person I texted?I have never kissed the State, no42:When did I last hold hands?with Lenin43:How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?I am always ready. for communism 44:Have I shaved my legs in the past three days? The razors belong to the State45: Where am I right now?Soviet Union, as is everybody?46:If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?The State47:Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?Союз нерушимый республик свободных48:Do I live with my Mom and Dad?They were sent to Gulag 50 years ago so :/49:Am I excited for anything?When we finally capture Antarctica50:Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?a women?51:How often do I wear a fake smile?this is my natural face I swear52:When was the last time I hugged someone?Embrace? A human? I'm interested 53:What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?:/ as long as they singing Soviet Anthem, is fine54:Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?there was one capitalist, but Stalin got ‘em55:What is something I disliked about today?not many means seized today56:If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?Caesar (to tell him about communism)57:What do I think about most?Thos means,,,58:What’s my strangest talent?all my talent is belong to the state59:Do I have any strange phobias?no60:Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?state provided camera? 61:What was the last lie I told?that communism doesn't work62:Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?you can't just use phones or videos for chatting smh63:Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?yes, every alien is communist64:Do I believe in magic?:/65:Do I believe in luck?no luck for nobody66:What’s the weather like right now?great for breaking your chains67:What was the last book I’ve read?Communist Manifesto 68:Do I like the smell of gasoline?Oil???69:Do I have any nicknames?Communist Cruz70:What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?one time my arm brushed against the wall71:Do I spend money or save it?I distribute the money to the people 72:Can I touch my nose with a tongue? Nah73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?Pink? No. Red? Yes.74:Favorite animal?The hammer75:What was I doing last night at 12 AM?seizing the means76:What do I think Satan’s last name is?Capitalism 77:What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?Союз нерушимый республик свободных78:How can you win my heart? Redistribute the wealth79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?“He had nothing to lose but his Chains”80:What is my favorite word?Communism81:My top 5 blogs on tumblr?-1. Myself82:If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?‘YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT YOUR CHAINS!!’83:Do I have any relatives in jail?not anymore they died84:I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?To seize any mean any where any time85:What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?none of them86:What is my current desktop picture?Globe of Soviet Union 87:Had sex?no88:Bought condoms?lol you don't need to buy anything89:Gotten pregnant?yes90:Failed a class?no91:Kissed a boy?no92:Kissed a girl?no93:Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?no rain in Soviet Union94:Had job?We all have job. Those unable are sent to Gulag 95:Left the house without my wallet?no need for wallet in perfect society96:Bullied someone on the Internet?no97:Had sex in public?Yes. The working class got fucked by the bourgeoisie 98:Played on a sports team?no99:Smoked weed?no weeds in Soviet Union 100:Did drugs?no drugs in Soviet Union 101:Smoked cigarettes?no cigarettes in Soviet Union 102:Drank alcohol?no alcohol in Soviet Union 103:Am I a vegetarian/vegan?no vegetal in Soviet Union 104:Been overweight?nobody overweight in Soviet Union 105:Been underweight?nobody underweight in Soviet Union 106:Been to a wedding?The wedding of Soviet Union and the world107:Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?no access to state provided computer that long108:Watched TV for 5 hours straight?no access to state provided TV that long109:Been outside my home country?Soviet Union is everywhere110:Gotten my heart broken?no111:Been to a professional sports game?no112:Broken a bone?no113:Cut myself?no114:Been to prom?no proms in Soviet Union 115:Been in airplane? Planes are for war, silly116: Fly by helicopter?helicopter?117:What concerts have I been to?Red Choir performance of ‘Red Army is Best’118:Had a crush on someone of the same sex?no119:Learned another language?what language is there besides Russian?120:Wore make up?no121:Lost my virginity before I was 18?no122:Had oral sex?no123:Dyed my hair?no124:Voted in a presidential election?are you suggesting democracy, and therefore capitalism? Smh125:Rode in an ambulance?no ambulances 126:Had a surgery?no 127:Met someone famous?Lenin 128:Stalked someone on a social network?Socialist Networks?129:Peed outside?no130:Been fishing?The fish belong to the state now131:Helped with charity?Charity is communist132:Been rejected by a crush?N133:Broken a mirror?No134:What do I want for birthday?no more captalism pls135:How many kids do I want and what will be their names?several and his name shall beComrade Marx McLenin-Trotsky Stalin de Cruz136:Was I named after anyone?No137:Do I like my handwriting?hey138:What was my favorite toy as a child?my trusty hammer and Sickle139:Favorite TV Show?the show where the communists win (like they did)140:Where do I want to live when older?Moscow141:Play any musical instrument?the instruments belong to the state142:One of my scars, how did I get it?I engraved the Hammer and Sickle on my right hand to show them capitalist pigs143:Favorite pizza topping?only pizza here is red144:Am I afraid of the dark?Stalin’s light evaporates the dark145:Am I afraid of heights?lol146:Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?that would mean death sentence, so no147:Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?No148:What I’m really bad at.I am bad at capitalizing 149:What my greatest achievements are.Seizing the most means yet150:The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me.‘Communism doesn't work buttface” (they were publically executed later that day)151:What I’d do if I won in a lottery.Redistribution 152:What do I like about myself?Communism 153:My closest Tumblr friend.@the-real-ted-cruz154:Something I fantasies about.interstellar communism155:Any question you’d likeYes

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hardfillytohalterbreak · 7 years

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Cardio? Howbow dah

If you read my last blog post here then you know I was starting to add fitness into my healthy living journey.

Well, my plan to work out with this smoke show, who looks both HAWT & terrifying when you can’t seem to work out, a workout date. lol

But we couldn’t exactly get our schedules matched up. Stacy & her partner Dan Koren are uber busy with their new cool venture that you *have* to check out and support ‘Eat Clean Healthy Grill & Juice Bar’ St.Albert, Alberta. Not only is it going to offer clean eating options but they will be available with A DRIVE THRU and also offering meal prep services. WHAT?!? That’s an incredible opportunity and think tank. I can’t wait to see it come to fruition in the space they chose.

In the mean time, my friend & EquiSportsTherapy client Jerri Robertson asked me to come help her at her barn while she was Spring Training her Thoroughbred race horses. I laughed her off a couple times only because race trackers are the hardest working people I know and I’m too old, fat and out of shape to work that hard.

Then she sold me on this ‘Racetrack Boot Camp’ idea, well that coupled with the fact that I could choose my work days, she pays well and I wouldn’t have to start until between 8-8:30am which is good because this is me:

Besides all those things listed, it was actually because she is a friend and she asked for my help, and I knew she was in need. Finding hard working, horse savvy people can be a challenge across the industry. Changes to Temporary Foreign Worker programs here in Canada have greatly affected the ability to find, and retain, skilled workers within the horse industry. Quite frankly the job requires hard work, a fast pace and long hours which most people don’t want to do. And I get it, by Day 2 of #RaceTrackBootCamp I was hoping Jerri would fire me or replace me quickly lol

So a little more on what I have dubbed #RaceTrackBootCamp on my social media avenues.

My February Health Living goal remained to add in fitness to my lifestyle and have my total pounds lost read 28lbs by February 28th.

I also did a little research on calorie burning while at the barn and found this chart which would come in handy for the past few days when every muscle in my body has ached:

^^^^^ Just keep thinking of the calories burned Kathy. Calories burned.

I worked at A TON of barns in my life but it was all in my teens & 20′s where again I was younger, slimmer, more fit and had more energy. When you’re 36 years old, have done mediocre physical fitness besides walking your dogs and trying to get your skinny jeans on after applying lotion to your body...this was going to be a challenge.

Team Jerri Robertson Racing is currently out at Enoch Park on the Enoch Cree Nation spring training for the Thoroughbred race meet at Northlands Park in Edmonton, Alberta. There are 20 horses, 17 of racing age and 3 - 2yr olds just learning the ropes about what it will look like to be a race horse.

At 55 years old Jerri Robertson has spent more than half her life at the Thoroughbred race track making horses her passion for as long as she can remember. Though there are a few women in this male-dominated industry, Jerri can be considered a trail blazer here in Edmonton, making her home in Beverly Heights and dedicating her life to her business "Jerri Robertson Racing”.

Jerri is quite frankly one of the hardest working women I know. She’s a public race horse trainer who isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty and work alongside her staff. She knows every horse in her barn, knows what’s going on with their legs, diet, health and conditioning. When I bring new friends to the race track, I usually bring them to Jerri’s barn to meet her horses, where most everyone is welcome ‘as long as they bring snacks and can brush a horse’. haha I’m really honoured to call Jerri a client because she’s an incredible horsewoman but more importantly, to call her a friend.

Doing #RaceTrackBootCamp at Jerri’s barn means I also get to kiss this face every day. Which is awesome except he’s shedding right now so if I have lip balm on, I also get a Grat hair moustache on my lips, free of charge.

#RaceTrackBootCamp tasks:

Cleaning stalls

Bedding stalls

Grooming horses

Saddling horses

Getting horses out for gallop rider & legging up gallop rider

Filling water buckets by bucket

Receiving horse post workout, blanketing

Hand walking horse post workout to cool down

Filling haynets

Feeding hay

Raking barn isle

Breathing

Jerri has an incredible barn foreman in Jose Raul Sanchez. Raul can literally clean half the barn in the time I do 3 stalls...or anyone does for that matter. He’s been with Jerri for many years so he knows how the barn ticks and he keeps it ticking. I doubt there isn’t anything Raul can’t do, include keeping my amateur hour self, on the right task.

Lots of my clients have no idea if I can even ride a horse or clean a barn. The answer is yes to both of those questions, quite handily. It really is like riding a bike, once you get back into the groove of something you remember quite easily about the tasks at hand.

The difference is I’m now older, out of shape, forgetful and OH MY GOD IS THIS HARD WORK! lol The first couple days I could barely get out of bed, I have muscles that are sore that I’m not sure I even knew EXISTED!

Honest to goodness if you think going to the gym is hard, you should come try #RaceTrackBootCamp for a couple days for a change of pace. Leg day exists, so does cardio, lifting and stretching. Believe me, you’ll find gains here somewhere.

March 1st came and I didn’t even want to step on the scale because I have PMS and no good weight loss goals should be weighed on that kind of day. #canigetanamen

But I knew I hadn’t hit my goal, and I didn’t. But I’m not disappointed because I still made active steps towards it and I’m ALMOST THERE.

Just like in January when I didn’t meet my weight goal, a funny thing happened when I measured...in the month of February I lost 7 3/4 INCHES just from adding fitness to the menu. (Disclaimer, I also added our Arbonne Metabolism Booster in February as well)

SEVEN INCHES IN ONE MONTH. What in the holy hail?!

So while I missed my goal of being down 28lbs total by the end of February, I’m actually down 29 1/2 inches TOTAL as I type this.

#RaceTrackBootCamp has done crazy things for the inches lost in my waist and muffin top. 2 inches off my natural waist and 2.5 inches off my muffin top. Another inch and a half off my bust, I’m basically going to have no boobs by the time this healthy living stuff is done. I’ll have to visit Scottsdale for implants!

So here we are March 2017! And we got GOOOOAAAAALLLLLSSSS

March looks like:

- Continue to keep doing what I’ve been doing which includes fitness in the form of #RaceTrackBootCamp for as long as needed and the addition of the Arbonne Metabolism Booster

- Document more of the journey and lift up anyone who wants to come along

- In the words of Gary Vee, Do #moremoremore

Remember friends, when you don’t reach your goals, you don’t give up. It’s about dedication, not perfection.

Yours in Adventure,

#hardfillytohalterbreak

#healthyliving #horses #arbonne #weightloss #cleaneating #yeg #horseracing #fitness

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dazzledbybooks · 4 years

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After losing his leg in a terrible car accident, Jonas Avery can’t wait to start over and go to college. Brennan Davis would like nothing more than to stay home and go to school, so she can keep her anxiety in check. When the two accidentally meet the summer before they move away, they’ll push each other to come to terms with what’s holding them back, even as they’re pulled closer to taking the biggest leap of all—falling in love. The Opposite of Falling Apart has more than 2.1 million reads on Wattpad. The Opposite of Falling Apart by Micah Good Publisher: Wattpad Books Release Date: February 25th 2020 Genre: Young Adult, Fiction, Contemporary Links: Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/45734867-the-opposite-of-falling-apart Amazon: https://amzn.to/2PlOVsQ B&N: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-opposite-of-falling-apart-micah-good/1131555807?ean=9781989365069#/ Bookdepository: https://www.bookdepository.com/Opposite-Falling-Apart-Micah-Good/9781989365069?ref=grid-view&qid=1575839674167&sr=1-2 Google Books: https://books.google.co.uk/books/about/The_Opposite_of_Falling_Apart.html?id=dgN5xQEACAAJ&redir_esc=y Today on Dazzled by Books, I am hosting Micah Good. I hope everyone gives her a warm welcome. She is here to talk about her favorite scene in The Opposite of Falling Apart. Take it away Micah. A Favorite Scene At Southern Illinois University Edwardsville, there is a giant hill, up which the back path from the Freshman dorms onto campus runs. In the summer, it’s a pain in the butt to climb. You’re sweaty and hot. If you can’t manage to ride your bike up it (and it’s so steep, it’s pretty much fifty-fifty that you can), you’re pushing the bike too, not just your tired feet. In the winter, it’s a glorious, glistening sheet of white whenever it snows (for the first day at least). In The Opposite of Falling Apart, there is a scene where Brennan and Ambreen, and some others from their dorm, sled down the hill on plastic storage bin lids. It’s one of my favorite scenes. When I went off to SIUE, I was an 18-year-old who had only gone sledding one other time in my life. Like Brennan, I was plagued by anxiety. Here I was, a never-really-gone-sledding, anxiety-ridden brand-new adult. I cooped myself up in my dorm room writing. I didn’t really talk a lot. I was a ‘party-pooper’. Because I was afraid all the time, I took the path of least resistance which was usually just doing…nothing much other than staying in my dorm. In The Opposite of Falling Apart, Brennan feels like she’s ‘failing at being a college student’. She doesn’t feel like she’s doing enough spontaneous ‘college student things’ to really be getting the most out of her university experience. That was me in a nutshell. Besides that, I was convinced that it was too late. My dorm had already split into its respective friend groups and its own little routines. I had my routine too: ramen, homework, write, sleep. But on this one day, in the fresh snow, I felt almost giddy. It’s the effect fresh snow has on me. It’s the effect a canceled day of classes has on me. I made the choice to go outside with some others from my dorm. I don’t remember who broached the idea. I don’t remember who got the lids. I just remember making the trek through thick wet snow, down the sidewalk, nearing the big hill. I remember trudging up it. I remember shoes that weren’t made for snow, pants that weren’t made for warmth, and a coat that wasn’t made for rolling in wet ice crystals. “Your turn,” my classmates said, and I sat on a lid and I slid. In the story, Brennan feels free, and ‘normal’. I felt free, and maybe even a little bit normal too. I have other spoiler-y scenes that I really enjoyed. I have other scenes where I even liked the writing a little better. But this one has a special place in my heart because it is a little piece from my own life. My college years weren’t easy. They weren’t the awesome years I know that some people look back on and reminisce about, missing them. They were mostly anxiety ridden, mostly when-is-this-going-to-be-over. There’s a reason I like this scene, and the reason is similar to Brennan’s: it reminds me of a good time. A good moment. A moment when I wasn’t anxious. If you’ve never gone sledding before, or if the chances at new experiences that you take are few and far between, get a plastic bin lid. Go outside when it’s snowy. Have a new experience. (The sled, this story…it’s a metaphor. Do the things. Do all the things you can. They make life beautiful.) About the Author: Micah Good has been writing since middle school. She’s been writing stories on Wattpad since the summer before her freshman year of college. Her stories have been featured, won a Watty, and she was invited to participate in Wattpad’s Paid Stories program. She currently lives in the midwestern United States, where she is pursuing a career in nursing. She loves dogs, naps and getting lost in a book. Links: Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/18534337.Micah_Good Twitter: https://twitter.com/micahintrepid Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/micahintrepid/ Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/user/titanically- Giveaway: I am running a giveaway over on Instagram for this book. Please go check that out at @love2dazzle. I will have the rules posted here and also on Instagram. PRIZE: Win 1 copy of THE OPPOSITE OF FALLING APART by Micah Good (US Only) This Giveaway Ends on March 5. How to Enter: - Follow @love2dazzle on Instagram - Subscribe to Dazzled by Books - Follow the FFBC Tours on Instagram: www.instagram.com/theffbc and https://ift.tt/32CBR8B - Follow the author on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/micahintrepid/ - Follow the publishing house on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/wattpad/ - Comment on this Blog Post or the Instagram post letting me know that you accomplished all of these items. T&C’s: -Open only to US Residents. - Must be 13 or older to enter - Giveaway starts XXXX until XXXX. - All entries are double-checked and false entries will be disqualified. -All entries from "giveaway" accounts will be disqualified. - Your personal information won't be used or be seen unless you're the winner of the giveaway. We won't sell it nor use it in a bad way. - Tour Hosts and bloggers participating on this tour are not responsible for any lost or stolen items. - One person cannot win more than one prize in a same giveaway. See The FFBC Tour Guidelines on their website for more information. Duplicate winners will be disqualified immediately. Tour Schedule: https://fantasticflyingbookclub.blogspot.com/2019/12/tour-schedule-opposite-of-falling-apart.html February 25th The Unofficial Addiction Book Fan Club - Welcome Post February 26th Book Lover's Book Reviews - Review @preciousbooksworld - Review Kait Plus Books - Promotional Post February 27th L.M. Durand - Guest Post We Live and Breathe Books - Review BookishOwl Reviews - Review + Playlist February 28th Nyctophile Nerd - Review Phannie the ginger bookworm - Review + Favourite Quotes Bookablereads - Review + Favourite Quotes February 29th Dazzled by Books - Guest Post Happily, Hedy - Review @baggin_48 - Review March 1st DEEKAY | Daily Dose of Reading - Review + Favourite Quotes emily the book nerd - Review March 2nd To All The Books I've Read Before - Interview Sometimes Leelynn Reads - Review + Dream Cast + Playlist For The Love of Fictional Worlds - Review

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