#*shrug emoji* like I’m tired of being hurt by stupid shit that doesn’t matter | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

breathinginthevapor · 5 years

Text

“At least think of me while you’re gone”

Summary: your relationship with Tom is a secret, and you hate it. At a party, your feelings are finally confronted.

A/N: This is a very, very, very late (im so sorry taylor!) entry for @plushparkers 2k writing challenge, so a big congrats to her on reaching on that amazing milestone! I hope you guys will give it a read and tell me what you think afterwards!

Word count: 5600+

T/W: alcohol and swearing

My masterlist

To: The Worst Spiderman Ever🤮🕷❤️ (barf, spider and heart emoji)

When does your plane arrive?❤️ (heart emoji)

You hit send, putting your phone down on the sink. You pick up the mascara instead, painting your eyelashes black before the “Ping!”-sound from your phone startles you and causes you to draw a dark line just below your eyebrow.

“Fucking shit,” you curse, searching through your cabinet with frantic movements for a cotton pad and makeup remover.

While you try to remove your mistake, you look at your phone.

From: The Worst Spiderman Ever 🤮🕷❤️ (barf, spider and heart emoji)

Around 5. Don’t have to pick me up, though.

Throwing the cotton pad in the bin, you quickly type an answer.

To: The Worst Spiderman Ever 🤮🕷❤️ (barf, spider and heart emoji)

You know I want to. Missed you😘 (kissing emoji)

You smile at the thought that you’ll see him today, and that these last months spent longing will finally be over. In just a couple of hours, you will be able to smell him, talk to him, touch him. And yeah, maybe he won’t kiss you at the airport, but he definitely will later, when it’s just the two of you.

Another “Ping” lets you know you’ve gotten a new message, and you try to keep your cool by applying some lipstick, but your whole body is buzzing, eager to see his answer.

Soon, your lips are coated in a beautiful red shade, perfectly kissable in your own, humble opinion. Tom loves having your lips mark him, his jaw often covered in lipstick marks after you’ve been hanging out, and the fact that the popping colour draws attention to your lips doesn’t hurt, either.

You want him to hug you in the airport while he’s yearning to kiss you, yearning to see if you taste like that cherry lip balm he likes, and maybe you won’t when he finally gets you alone, but by then it won’t matter.

From: The Worst Spiderman Ever 🤮🕷❤️ (barf, spider and heart emoji)

There’ll be a crowd, and I’ll be too tired to do anything but sleep anyway.

You don’t understand. Does that mean he doesn’t want you to come? Or that he thinks you’ll get uncomfortable surrounded by his screaming fans?

Because you can deal with the fans, you’ve done so before, but if it’s because he doesn’t want you there, you won’t know what to do.

Before you can answer, though, another text shows on the screen.

From: The Worst Spiderman Ever 🤮🕷❤️ (barf, spider and heart emoji)

I’ll just see you at the party🕺🎆 (dancing man and fireworks emoji)

The welcome home party might already be tomorrow, but you still feel stupid. Here you’ve been, ecstatic for his return for weeks while he doesn’t even want you to be there in the airport. Besides, who knows how much you’ll even see of him tomorrow, everyone’s there to see him, after all.

To: The Worst Spiderman Ever 🤮🕷❤️ (barf, spider and heart emoji)

👍 (thumbs up emoji)

And yeah, maybe your answer is passive aggressive, but right now, you really don’t care. Not when you’ve spent days debating what to wear for picking him up and figured out exactly what amount of make-up you should go for to ensure you looking great but not over the top.

And now, he doesn’t even want to see you.

You find the makeup remover once more, this time removing all traces of the makeup you’ve just applied. You slide the cotton pad all over your face with harsh movements, and while it might not be the best way to clean your skin, it helps relieve some of the anger.

Both your skin and your eyes are red when you’re finished, but you don’t look at yourself in the mirror long enough to see the tears sliding down.

Instead, you go back to bed, crawl under the covers and cry to a sad teen movie you loved when you were younger.

The worst part is, you find that you still love the movie just as much as back then, all too similar to the way your love for Tom has done nothing but increase since you first discovered it in your teen years.

Tom’s parents’ house is filled up with people, but as Tom’s best friend through most of your life, you know the bigger part of them.

You spend a couple minutes talking to his aunt about her hip problems, but then you figure you want something to drink and excuse yourself.

There’s a lot to choose from, delicious sodas and expensive-looking bottles of champagne and wine, but you pick up a canned beer instead. You figure you need some alcohol as soon as possible. That way, you hope you’ll have the courage to face him when you have to.

You definitely can’t keep avoiding him, because even though the house isn’t small, it isn’t exactly a mansion, either.

You sip the beer, taking a few steps towards the wall to let Tom’s young cousins access the drink’s table.

Then, your eyes meet his, and you feel slightly dizzy as it seems almost unreal to finally see him in real life and not through a screen.

Still, you’re angry and hurt, and there’s a knot in your stomach. You can’t remember the last time you felt like this, the last you were angry at him. And maybe it’s petty, but you just hate the fact that you always plan everything around him, while he, when it comes down to it, doesn’t even want to see you after spending four months apart.

“Hey,” he greets you with a smile while still making his way to you, squeezing in between people and excusing himself.

“Hey,” you repeat, but your voice is cold as you take another sip of your beer. There’s a flicker of worry breaking through his confident, happy exterior, but it disappears quickly.

When he’s finally standing close enough to you, he engulfs you in a tight hug, and although you’ve dreamt about this reunion, this first hug in months, it doesn’t even feel that nice. Your body is tense, and your attempt to reciprocate his hug is half-hearted, so he finally lets you go and looks inquiring at you, still with a grip on your elbows.

“We cool?”

You swallow a lump, trying to put on a fake smile. You hope he doesn’t see through it, because although he used to be able to read your face as if it was a stop sign or a stupid brochure for a new pizzeria, it’s been a long time since you last saw each other.

“Sure.”

“Why are you acting weird then?” he asks, and you know he’s split between knowing you’re lying and the fact that it probably won’t help his situation to call you out on it.

You shake his hands off you to gulp down some beer.

“I’m not.”

He crooks his head, scrunching his eyes and looking down at his hands that hang loosely down his sides after returning from you. They start fiddling with the red polo he’s wearing, and you let your gaze wander slowly up his body, not missing how strong his biceps look or the broadness of his shoulder, before you get to his face to find him already watching you.

“You are.”

This time, you don’t argue. Why even bother?

A silence settles between you, so different to the happy chatter filling up the room, and you don’t know how to act. You don’t think you’ve ever experienced anything so awkward with Tom, he’s always been the one you could talk to for an endless number of hours, the one you could be quiet with, the one person in the world you were most comfortable around.

“Nice party,” you say when the silence becomes too much for you, but you hate yourself for being the first one to bow down. It seems that you always are.

He shrugs, “You know my mum. Always inviting people we don’t even talk with often.”

Perhaps it just runs in the family, you wonder; making people feel like they’re more important than they are.

“They’ve missed you,” you just tell him, knowing that it’s true. He tends to have that impact on people, squeezing himself into their hearts in a matter of five minutes. And once you’ve met him, it’s impossible to forget him.

“They?” he softly asks, and you know he wants you to elaborate.

When you don’t, he asks again, this time phrased so you have no chance to get out of answering, “What about you? Haven’t you missed me?”

You look away, your gaze landing on Harrison who’s laughing with Tom’s grandma.

“Don’t know why you would ask something so stupid,“ you mutter.

He steps closer, and you can feel his presence all over your body. His breath hits your face, and you can smell both beer and the homemade chips his dad is famous for.

“Wanna hear you say it.”

You look at him again, and like countless of times before, you are hit by his beauty. You don’t think there’s a single person in this world as handsome as him, but you might be biased.

Being in love with the same guy for years tends to do that to someone.

“Missed you so much it hurt,” you admit, and you watch his face soften. He’s so close that you could just lean forward and kiss him.

Needless to say, it takes everything in you not to.

Luckily, he steps back, and the enchantment is broken.

“I should probably talk to the other guests. Don’t want them to feel left out, do we?”

You force yourself to laugh, “Of course not.”

But everything in you is begging and hoping that he just takes your hand and leads you away from everyone.

You want him to say that he’s missed you too, that he’s been thinking of you constantly, but you know he hasn’t. Or, maybe he’s felt a pinch of pain occasionally, but then he’s moved on and forgotten about it. Unlike you, who has spent so many nights crying, wishing that he was laying right beside you. And you know that it’s not his fault, that your circumstances are different because he’s out there, doing what he loves most while you are drowning in boring schoolwork and waiting impatiently for his return.

He steps closer, and you think he’s going to kiss you, in front of all those people, and your heart starts beating terribly fast, but then he turns his head and whispers in your ear, “Will I see you later?”

You know what he means: Another quickie in the dark, no one finding out there’s any more than friendship between you. Because that’s how he wants your relationship to be, a secret, even from his own family.

It feels like a stake to the heart, and honestly, you don’t feel like he deserves an answer. Instead, you opt for a small smile that could mean anything and then you down your beer, leaving him there and walking over to your other curly haired friend, but not before handing him the empty can.

If he’s so determined to be the perfect host, he might as well clean up a bit.

“Hey Haz,” you mumble, throwing your arms around Harrison’s torso from behind.

He looks back at you and smiles widely, and contrary to what one might think, you aren’t completely oblivious to how good looking he is.

You wonder if you should have thought of getting some less pretty friends to make yourself shine a bit more in comparison, but you don’t think you’d be able to find someone who could make you laugh as much as Tom and Harrison can, not even if you searched the whole planet.

You just have to live with the unfairness of their unarguable attractiveness.

“Hey Y/N. Tired?” he asks softly.

You yawn, realizing that you actually are and confirming his question. He chuckles, and you press your cheek against his shoulder, closing your eyes for a second.

“I like this sweater. Really soft.”

“Hi nan,” you then greet Tom’s grandmother who has always insisted that you treat her the same way her grandkids would.

Measured in how much time you’ve spent with her and the rest of the family, you might as well be.

“Hello, darling,” she says, sending you a sweet smile. “I have to serve the cake now, but come catch up with me later, won’t you?”

“Of course, nan,” you promise her, watching her leave and then letting go of Harrison.

“Everything alright?” he asks after turning around to face you.

You shrug, “I guess.”

He rolls his eyes, pointing his finger at you in a reprimanding manner, “Tell me what’s wrong or you know what will happen.”

You can’t help but smile, but then you play along and squeeze your eyes shut and crossing your arms, “I’m not scared of you.”

“You’re not? Then you won’t mind if I TICKLE YOU?”

Harrisons hands reach for you, but you run away, squealing, before he can catch you.

“You’ll never catch me,” you mock him, running up the stairs and into Tom’s bedroom before realizing the inevitable: that you’re trapped.

“NOOOOO,” you scream as he pushes you onto the bed and starts tickling you, hands gripping your sides.

“Let me go, please, Haz,” you beg in-between laughs.

“You know what you need to say, Y/N,” he grins, and you shake your head.

“Never.”

However, it doesn’t take long before you surrender, throwing your hands up and rolling your eyes.

“Alright, alright, you are the hottest, coolest, cleverest, funniest person in the world, Harrison Osterfield.”

He immediately lets you go, plopping down on the bed beside you.

“Finally. My arms were getting tired,” he sighs contently.

You grunt, “Should spend a bit more time in the gym, then.”

“Oh, shut up, Y/N.”

He hits you playfully, and you both laugh, looking up to the ceiling and catching your breaths.

When you’ve stopped panting, you speak up, “Would you be ashamed of me if we were dating?”

“How can you even ask me that? You’re the dopest person ever,” he reassures you, turning his head to the side to look at you.

You laugh, “I can believe you still say dope.”

“What can I say, I’m just a dope person, too, Y/N.”

You roll your eyes at his stupidity, before a pang of sadness rushes through you. For a second, you wonder why, but then you remember why you’re feeling down and repeat your question for Harrison.

“No, but honestly, would you be ashamed of me?”

His blue eyes watch you intensely like it’s very important to him that you understand what he says, “Never.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

He laces your little fingers together, the ‘pinky promise’ an old ritual of yours.

“But why are you asking?” he inquires softly.

“I just- I’m just so damn tired of being his secret, you know?”

He gives you an empathic smile, letting you continue instead of answering your rhetoric question.

“I’m not even sure he likes me like as more than a friend anymore.”

You don’t mention a name, but you both know who you’re talking about. Although neither of your families know, it was clear to both of you from the start that Harrison would figure it out no matter what, and that you might as well tell him yourself.

“That bad, huh?”

You sigh, “Yeah. Not even exaggerating, I’m really not sure.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N, that sucks.”

“Sure does,” you agree, laughing involuntarily at the tragic situation, and Harrison soon joins you.

Then, he says softly, “If you aren’t happy, Y/N, you should let him go. You deserve better.”

“I know,” you whisper, “But I don’t think I can.”

He takes your hand, squeezing it and interlacing your hands, and no words are needed. You know he feels bad for you, and you both know there’s nothing he can do to ease your trouble.

“I wish it was you instead. We’d make such a great couple,” you tell him, trying to lift the mood.

He nods, grinning, “Legendary.”

“Shame we don’t like each other like that, really. Our kids would be so beautiful.”

“Maybe that’s why. Would be unfair to their peers when they’d be so much uglier.”

You shake your head, smiling at the thought.

Then, on a more serious note, “Thanks for being here, Haz.”

“Anytime, Y/N.”

He squeezes your hand once more and then helps you get up.

“If it makes you feel any better, he looked terribly jealous when you hugged me,” Harrison tells you, and though it shouldn’t, you catch yourself being happy with it. At least he’s not totally indifferent.

You return to the party, Harrisons hand laying comfortingly on the swell of your back the whole time, until it’s to go home. He presses a kiss to your cheek and tells you to hit him up soon, and you thank him for being such a good friend. He truly deserves the world.

You wish you could go with him, but still, you stay, having been tricked into helping with the cleaning by Tom’s mother, and really, you’d be happy to if it didn’t involve seeing Tom.

It’s hard to even remember what made you mad when you’re near him, and if that wasn’t enough, you’re afraid that you’ll say something you’ll regret later.

Because while this might be tearing you to pieces, you know it’d be much, much worse if you lost him completely.

Although you are deep in thought, you probably shouldn’t be as startled as you are when he speaks, considering you are cleaning the same room as him.

“I got a bit cold out by the grill, so I went to see if I had a sweater in my room, and I didn’t mean to, but I heard you and Harrison,” he softly tells you, eyes scanning your face for a reaction. You try not to give him one, pursing your lips tightly together and remaining silent.

He sighs, running a hand through the curly locks of his hair.

“Y/N, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?” you mutter, looking away.

You wish this conversation wasn’t happening. You don’t even dare to imagine the outcome.

“That you feel like I’m keeping you a secret.”

You scrunch your eyes, looking at him again, “What did you think I felt, Tom? Honestly? You haven’t even told your mom, and we both know you tell your mom everything. I feel like I’m nothing to you.”

Your words are harsh at the beginning, anger in your body, but it quickly deflates and leaves you sad instead, making your last words soft and fragile.

And Tom looks taken back by your statement, stuttering when he replies, “I- I- I guess I just thought we were on the same page. That you didn’t care whether people knew about us or not.”

You roll your eyes, “If you truly believed that, you don’t know me like I thought you did.”

You let go of your hold on the black rubbish bag you’re throwing empty cups into as you wait for his answer.

“I guess you’re right,” he admits with a whisper, “I guess I did know.”

You nod, throat tight.

“Yeah,” you just say.

You stand there, looking at each other in silence, and you don’t even try to hide your tears. If there was anyone but him watching, you probably would have tried, but this is Tom, your best friend, the person that has broken your heart but also someone with hands you wouldn’t hesitate to put your life into.

He takes a small step closer to you, looking at you with desperation.

“I wish we could tell everyone, Y/N, I really do. But you know how my agency feels about my image and my availability,” he pauses, swallowing down a lump in his throat before he continues, “But if my next movie just gets big enough, it will be different, Y/N, I promise. Then they can’t refuse.”

You shake your head, your vision to blurred to see anything, but your mind is surprisingly clear. You don’t believe his words, and really, you just wish he would tell the truth, because to you, it seems that this mess has gotten so bad because of lack of honesty, and you’re done with it.

You’re done with being anxious all the time, not knowing if he’s uncertain about his feelings for you, even doubting whether you’re the only one he goes home to. You’re done with feeling inadequate and unlovable and stupid, waiting around for someone who doesn’t want to come home.

“Far from home was one of the best-selling movies ever, but apparently, that still wasn’t big enough. So, what’ll it be, Tom?”

“Are you asking me to choose between you and my career?”

You shake your head violently, not understanding how he could accuse you for doing such a thing, but then you nod, realising that maybe you are. And surprisingly, you don’t feel selfish doing so.

“Not between me and your career, Tom, but yes, I am asking you to choose between me and the stupid rules of your agency.”

Now, he looks angry, brow scrunched and tight jawline, “My agency and their stupid rules,” he starts, emphasizing the last three words mockingly, “is what gets me jobs, Y/N! They are the reason I can live my dream, don’t you understand?”

You step closer to him, not believing he would dare to treat you like a stubborn child. “Of course, I understand, Tom! I’ve done nothing but understand ever since we started this damn relationship, but I’m fucking sick and tired of it!”

Your loudness seems to surprise Tom, who takes a few steps back from your anger, almost tripping over your discarded rubbish bag.

“Please don’t do this, Y/N. Don’t make me choose,” he begs, and there’s a part of you that wants to give in, but the bigger part of you knows that nothing will change if you do, and that you’ll just stay miserable.

“I’ve known you for most of my life, Tom, and I’ve been in love with you for years, but I can’t do this, not if you’re not in it like I am. I can’t keep giving you my everything when I only receive 30% in return.”

Then, he says those words that you know will haunt you forever, “I’m- I’m- I’m so sorry, Y/N, but I just can’t. Please understand, I just can’t.”

You nod, but you don’t, you don’t understand. He won’t even meet you halfway.

You look at each other, and you watch how he clearly fights to keep himself together, and you can’t stay mad at him when he looks so broken. You’re always putting him first.

“Will you- will you promise me one thing, though?” you ask, voice hoarse and broken.

He nods, eyes wet and lips pressed tight together.

When you speak, there’s a salty taste on your tongue, and it feels like goodbye, “I know there’s so many incredible things out there, and I promise I don’t expect anything else from you anymore, but at least- at least think of me while you’re gone, won’t you?”

A sob escapes his lips when he nods, but he still doesn’t say anything, so you gather your belongings in silence, walking into the hallway, Tom only a few steps behind you.

Your hand has just reached the doorknob when you realize that no matter how hurt you are, you can’t just leave him like this. So, you turn around, throw your things to the floor and hug him, relishing in the smell of his cologne and the soft material of his shirt against your cheek.

His chest is shaking with sobs, and his lips feel chapped when he kisses your forehead like he’s done so many times when you were nervous or sad, even before your friendship turned into something more.

There’s a wet spot on his shirt when you pull away, and you smile through your tears, watching him through your blurred vision.

“I’ll see you around,” you tell him, but you don’t know if you’re lying.

You pick up your things, and he looks like he wants to stop you from leaving, but he just nods and says goodbye with a broken whisper, “Yeah, I’ll see you.”

Then, you close the door behind you, your body a mess while nostalgia, sadness, despair and love fights for dominance in your body.

If you weren’t so busy being heartbroken, you might have wondered if it was worth losing your best friend in return for some months in paradise, spent kissing and making love under the covers. And you would quickly have come to the solution that it wasn’t, that if you could, you would go back and undo all this mess and settle for being his best friend.

Luckily, you don’t think any of these thoughts, not yet. That sorrow is for another day.

“Ping!”

The screen of your phone lights up along with the sound, telling you you’ve got a message. You figure it’s Jake, asking which chocolate you want or if you need more tampons. You smile at the thought, finding it funny how Jake’s biggest fear seems to be that you don’t run out of sweets and sanitary items when you’re on that time of the month. You wonder if he’s scared you’ll turn into some weird monster, but it’s probably just him being sweet.

However, the text isn’t from Jake.

From: The Worst Spiderman Ever 🤮🕷❤️ (barf, spider and heart emoji)

Hey. I’m home for a couple weeks and I really want to see you

You can’t believe he still has that stupid name on your phone.

You delete all the emojis and text and write his full name without any emojis to follow, but your index finger lingers over the save button. Then, you go back without changing anything.

It feels wrong to do so, like deleting a period of your life that should, at worst, be packed away in a box in your closet and not completely thrown out.

On the other hand, though, the box seems to have jumped out of the closet and into your living room instead, making its presence known where it isn’t appreciated.

Still, there’s a small part of you, the part that was Tom’s friend and nothing else, wants to meet him and see how he’s doing.

To: The Worst Spiderman Ever 🤮🕷❤️ (barf, spider and heart emoji)

Hi Tom

You don’t want else to say, or write, so you just hit send and put the phone down again, your breath quicker and a spark of panic rising in your body. Even after all this time, he still gives you all the motions.

From: The Worst Spiderman Ever 🤮🕷❤️ (barf, spider and heart emoji)

Please don’t be like this

Be like what, Tom, you wonder, but you just text him the name of a coffee shop and ask him to meet you there in a few hours. If anything needs to be said between you, it should be in person and not through text.

From: The Worst Spiderman Ever 🤮🕷❤️ (barf, spider and heart emoji)

Thank you, Y/N. Really❤️ (heart emoji)

You really hope you’ve made the right decision.

“Y/N, I’ve been a fool, no, worse than that, I’ve been a big, stupid idiot, but I need you.”

His grip on your hands are tight, and you gently try to get him to let you go, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

“We’ll do it properly this time, tell everyone, and we’ll go on the red carpet together and-“

“Tom,” you interrupt him softly, and you just want him to stop talking. This will get embarrassing for both of you if he keeps going, and you don’t want that.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t let you save him.

“And I’ll be home a lot more, Y/N, I promise. We can travel together, to Paris or Seoul or Rio, and I won’t care who’s watching-“

This time, your voice is a bit louder, hoping it’ll get through to him. “Tom, please, stop,” you plead. Still, it seems like he doesn’t hear you.

He leans closer to you and looks you right in the eye, “I love you, Y/N. More than anything, and I don’t know why it’s taking me so long to realize, but I do, and I’m terribly sor- Why are you crying?“

You haven’t even noticed your tears before he comments them, but then you carefully, as if he’s made of glass, untangle your hands from each other.

“I’m with someone, Tom,” you tell him, and it feels like a knife to your heart when his face slowly falters as he realizes what you mean.

“I- what- who? When?”

“You don’t know him, Tom. He’s from school.” There’s a flash of relief on his face when he finds out it isn’t someone he knows, maybe even one of his friends, but then the hurt returns.

“When, YN?”

You swallow a lump, looking down at your coffee.

“Almost a year ago,” you tell him, knowing that he won’t understand. That he’ll think that you got over in the span of a minute and moved on, but it isn’t true.

So, before he can say anything, you explain, “He was in one of my classes and had asked me out before, and when you left, I just needed to spend time with someone who didn’t know you, someone who wouldn’t ask or talk about you.”

Most of your friends were friends with Tom, too, or at least they knew him, but you needed to be someone who didn’t.

“I told him from the start that my heart was broken, but he was so patient and waited until I was sure I was ready. He really helped me a lot, Tom.”

Tom nods, and you know he understands. Everyone has different ways of coping, and for all you know, he could have slept with half of the world in this past year. You know he probably did with a couple, and the thought doesn’t make you sick like it used to do.

You’re just sad that he probably didn’t have anyone taking care of him like Jake had taken care of you.

“Does he make you happy, Y/N?”

“I-“ you start, but it’s hard to get the words past your lips when you know that they’ll hurt him.

For a long time, you wanted him to hurt, to know your pain and know that he had lost one of the best things in his life, but now, after doing a lot of growing up, you wish you could find a way not to hurt him. Maybe if you lied, but he’ll probably always be able to see through you.

Knowing you have no other choice, you answer him honestly, “Yeah. He does. He really does.”

He gulps, looking away for a moment. You follow his gaze, watch the busy streets of London packed with stylish locals and less stylish tourists, and you wonder if it still feels like home to him. If home becomes a fleeting place when the whole world is at your disposal. You wonder if you’ll ever know, but you don’t think you will.

And as for yourself, you might never get to travel the world like you used to dream of doing, but you’ve realized it doesn’t matter. You have so much else, so many wonderful people in your life, so much love around you.

“Do you love him?”

You look at his face and know that he wants you to say no, that he wants this to be like a movie where everything works out in the end, and the guy gets the girl, and everyone lives happily ever after.

But this isn’t one of his beloved movies. This is real life.

“Yeah.”

A tear slips out of his eyes, and you notice they are beginning to turn red. You don’t know if your next words will make him feel better or worse, probably the latter, but you still say them.

“Not the same way I loved you, though. Don’t think anything can really compare to that. But I really do love him.”

It’s clear he tries to contain it, but still, a broken sob leaves him, and every fibre of your body yearns to soothe him, to protect him, but you can’t, just like he couldn’t protect you.

“Do you remember that last day? You told me to think of you when I was gone. How could you think I’d do anything but?”

“Tom, please.”

“I think about you every single day, Y/N, knowing that I made the wrong decision.”

He grips your hands again, this time so tight it turns his knuckles white with desperation.

However, you both know it’s not only your hands you’re talking about when you beg, “Let me go, Tom, you’re hurting me.”

His grip on your hand disappears immediately, his face painted with both sadness and guilt, and you don’t know who’s to blame for the fact that both of you have lost your best friend.

And you wonder if the two of you can work it out, if you can get at least an inkling of your old friendship back, but to be honest, you don’t have the courage to try.

Instead, you leave him there, in a coffee shop in London you used to love. And you know you will never have the strength to go back, not to the coffee shop and not to Tom, both places too haunted by bad memories now.

279 notes · View notes

johnsbleu · 5 years

Text

Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 54

warnings: none!

It’s been seven hours since John stormed out. Seven hours since you last talked to him. Seven hours since you potentially ruined the best thing that’s happened to you; your entire relationship with John.

You’re sitting on the couch with Bleu and you reach over for your phone, checking it again for any missed calls. Your phone has been beside you the whole time and it hasn’t beeped once, but you check it anyway. You’ve called John several times, hanging up before the beep, but you can’t help calling just to hear his voice.

No missed calls. No new texts.

You sigh as you put your phone back on the table and finally notice the pregnancy test on the floor from where John had thrown it. You sigh again and reach down to pick it up. You hold it in your hand and look at it, then toss it back to the table.

“Bleu, your mom is very dumb.” you say, and Bleu looks up at you at the sound of his name. “Maybe I should call him and leave a message.”

You pick up your phone and call John, and with every ring, you feel the lump in your throat growing bigger and bigger. It finally stops ringing and goes to voicemail, and you close your eyes when you hear John’s voice.

“This is John, leave a message.”

“Hi, it’s me…obviously. You know that. It says my name in your phone, and I showed you how to put that little peach emoji next to my name. And my contact picture is me from the day we went to that really shitty cafe. They completely ruined my order, and your coffee was cold. But we both agreed it was still a great day. Sorry, I’m rambling. Um, I’m not entirely sure why I called. I mean…I do know why, I just…I want to make sure you’re okay. You don’t have to call me back, but maybe you can just text me.”

You put the phone down when you start to get choked up, and you press your hand to it so John doesn’t hear you.

“You’re so fucking stupid.” you say to yourself, quietly. Even though he’s pissed at you, he’d be even more pissed if he heard the way you were talking to yourself.

You put the phone back up to your ear and your voice starts to break, “Um, yeah, so just maybe…let me know somehow that you’re alright. I love you, John, I really do. Bye.”

Bleu follows you into the kitchen as you raid the fridge for something to eat. You pull out a few slices of turkey and sit at the table, staring at them. You know you’re hungry, and you know you should eat, but you’re too upset.

“It’s almost midnight and he’s still not home.” you look down at the turkey on the table, then back to Bleu. “Sit.”

Bleu listens and wags his tail, waiting for his treat. You pull off a small piece and lean over to give to Bleu. He carefully takes the turkey from your hand and runs into the living room to eat it in peace.

Without thinking, you grab your phone and call Jimmy. His phone rings several times and goes to the voicemail.

“Hey, Jimmy. It’s me, um…I don’t know if you’ve talked to John or anything, but we got into a bit of an argument and I was just wondering if you’ve seen or heard from him. He hasn’t returned any of my calls or texts…” you put your hand over your mouth as you start to cry and you exhale. “Sorry to bother you, I’m just worried about him, he’s been gone for hours. If you hear from him, let me know. Thank you.”

You hang up quickly and put your head down on the table as you sob. You could have called Tess, but with her being pregnant, you didn’t want to add any stress to her. And knowing Tess, she’d probably go off on John and make everything worse. The girl would die defending you, no matter what.

You’ve tired yourself out from crying for hours on end, so you drag yourself to your room and flop down on the bed. You look over at John’s spot and touch his pillow, it’s cold and you grab it, bringing it to your nose and inhaling his scent.

“God, I miss him so much.” you say out loud, unsure of who you’re talking to. You crawl under the covers and instead of sleeping your spot, you decide to sleep in John’s instead. If he comes home in the night, you know he won’t mind.

You grab your phone again and call John, “Hi…it’s me, again. Sorry, this is the last time I’ll call you. You haven’t answered any of my calls, so I should probably just take the hint, huh?”

You clear your throat, trying to rid the lump, and you whimper a little and wipe away the tears on your face.

“Uh, I just wanted to call and say that I love you. I know you’re mad at me. More than mad, I’m sure. You probably hate me right now, and I don’t blame you. I just want you to know that I love you…more than anything.” you start to cry harder and you cover your mouth, hoping he can’t hear it. “John, just…please come home.”

Laying in bed with Bleu, you flop around and yawn. You didn’t get any sleep last night and as far as you know, John still never came home. The bed was cold and empty, but not like when he’s away working. When he’s away for work, you know it’s not because he doesn’t want to be with you, it’s because he has a job to do.

You sit up a little to grab your phone off the side table and see you have a text, “Oh, my god.”

Hey, Bernard wants us to come in and meet a potential buyer. I’m so sick of this.

You slouch dramatically after reading the text from Tess. You were at least hoping John would text you to let you know know he was safe. You look over at Bleu, and he lays his head in your lap.

“You haven’t left my side all night.” you get up from the bed, and Bleu follows you into the bathroom as you start the shower. You hop in and shower as fast as you can since you know you’re going to take your time doing your hair and makeup.

As you finish the last touches on your makeup, you see Bleu run out of the bathroom and realize John must be home. You peek around the corner to see him making the bed, still in the same clothes from the day before.

He looks at your side of the bed and nods his head slowly, almost like he’s imagining you laying there. You watch him for a moment longer, and he reaches into the dresser for a clean change of clothes and before you know it, he’s gone again.

“I get it, he’s mad at me. I shouldn’t have hid that from him, but to be fair, he didn’t even give me a chance to tell him.” you sigh and put the curling iron down. “I did throw it away though. Fuck, why am I such an idiot?”

Walking to your closet, you shuffle through your dresses and choose one that you know is a little too tight for a meeting, but you also know it’ll catch John’s attention – and that’s all you really care about right now. You start to smile a little when you see how good your ass looks in it and you know that with heels, it’ll look even better.

“Shit!” you pull out your phone and quickly call Tess. “Hey, can you pick me up?”

“Yeah, I was just about to leave. Uh, what are you wearing?”

“A dress.”

Tess sighs and laughs, “Oh, thank God, me too. I’m leaving right now. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

You toss your phone in your purse and dig through the closet for some shoes. “Where are they? The black strappy ones, I know they’re in here.” you say to yourself and throw your suitcase on the bed, then continue digging through your closet, “A-ha! Found them.”

Your heels clack on the floor as you walk into the kitchen, and you see John sitting at the kitchen reading the paper like usual. You don’t know how long this meeting will last, but you want to at least have a snack because Tess will get hungry since she’s eating for two and she usually forgets to pack anything for herself.

John is watching you closely as you make your way around the kitchen, filling up a bag with snacks and drinks for you and Tess. When you first see him, you feel complete joy that he’s home, then it turns to anger and you’re not entirely sure why. Usually you love the way John watches you, but today his close eye on you is aggravating and honestly, it’s a little annoying.

“What?!” you snap as you look over at him. “Why are you just watching me?”

Damn, you’re madder than you thought. Calm down!

He flinches, then shrugs, “I’m sorry, I just wanted–”

“You just wanted to what? Watch me and then maybe throw it in my face that this isn’t…my kitchen. Maybe hurt my feelings some more?”

“No!” John says and stands up, “No, I want to talk.”

“I don’t have time.” you continue packing your lunch and look up at John, “You really fucking hurt my feelings last night, John. You know that? I was already feeling like shit for what I did, then you threw the whole house thing in my face. And on top of it, you didn’t even bother to come home.”

“I–”

You put your hand up to stop him, “No, you don’t get to talk today. You interrupted me every time I tried to talk last night.”

You’re being way too harsh on John, and maybe it’s because you’re so mad at yourself that you’re trying to take it out on him.

You can see John’s heart breaking as you start to cry, “You left me here last night, you didn’t even bother to call me and let me know that you were okay. You just…left. You made it very clear to me that you don’t think that much of me or our relationship.”

“That’s not true, and you know it.” he says, moving closer to you, “You know how I feel about you. If I didn’t care about you or our relationship, I wouldn’t have been that upset. I would have just–”

“You would have just walked out and not let me know where you were going? That’s what you did, John!”

“Because I was mad! I was mad at you. And I could say the same thing about you. What you did, yeah, I could say that you made it clear too. But I won’t.” he says, reaching for your hand but you back away. “Can’t we talk about this? I’m ready to talk about this.”

“I’m not.” you say quietly, “I’ll apologize for how I just talked to you now though. I’m sorry. Hurting your feelings won’t make me feel better, and I know you know that as well. I’m mad at myself and I’m taking it out on you instead, so I’m sorry for that.”

“Peach…”

“No,” you shake your head and look down as you start to cry, “Please don’t. Don’t try to make me feel better.”

John wraps his arms around you and pulls you close to his chest as he kisses the top of your head. His arms are so big and warm, and you realize how much you missed him last night as you melt into his chest.

“I love you.” he whispers and presses a kiss to your forehead, cupping your face, “We need to talk about this though.”

“I know.” you nod, closing your eyes as John kisses your forehead again, “I’m not mad at you, well, I am a little mad, which we can talk about later. But I’m hurting your feelings because I’m mostly mad at myself and I want to apologize for that.”

“Thank you.” he nods and brushes his thumb against your cheek, “I’ll apologize for how I talked to you, too. I was out of line.”

“You weren’t.” you shake your head and cover his hands with yours to keep them on your face, “You weren’t out of line. I was.”

The emotions were running high last night, but right now you’re both crashing hard from the lack of sleep and from not being able to talk and see one another, which is only making the two of you sadder. John has dark circles under his eyes from getting no sleep, and you reach up and brush your hand against his cheek.

You hold John’s gaze for a moment longer and let out a small sigh, “You look so tired.”

John nods his head, giving you a weak smile, “I am, and I’m–”

A car horn honking startles the two of you and you close your eyes at the poor timing. You take a deep breath, then kiss the palm of John’s hand.

“That’s Tess. We’ll talk later?”

“Yeah,” John nods and reaches for your hand, “Can I walk you out?”

You nod pathetically and intertwine your fingers with John’s as you wipe away a tear with your other hand. Tess is waving at the both of you, but when she sees the tears on your face, she frowns a little.

“Hey, Tess.” John waves, then he walks you to the passenger side of the car. Before you get in, he grabs your waist and wraps his arms around you tight, keeping you in place. He gives you a small smile and hesitates a little as he leans in for a kiss.

You peck him quickly and clear your throat, “I don’t know when I’ll be home.”

“I’ll be here all day.” he says, giving you another small smile. He rubs his thumb against the apple of your cheek and leans in to kiss you again, this time with a little more passion from the both of you, “Have a good day, I love you.”

“I love you, too.” you say and quickly get in the car, and he leans in the window again to kiss your cheek. “Try to get a little rest, okay?”

“I love you so much.” he whispers again with his forehead against your cheek, then he pecks your cheek and he walks back into the house, shutting the door behind him.

“That was…” Tess exhales as she backs out of the driveway and pulls onto the street. She looks over at you and fans herself, “Whew, I could…wow, I’m…”

You let out a weak laugh as you look over at her, “What?”

“Like…” Tess struggles to find the words, then she laughs like a giddy schoolgirl, “That was so sweet.”

“He’s just trying to cheer me up because he knows I’m beating myself up.” you exhale loudly, “I could do the worst thing imaginable to him and he’d forgive me, but if I talked badly to myself, he’d give me a whole lecture as to why I shouldn’t.”

“Do you want to talk about it? The pregnancy test thing?”

You shake your head, “Not right now. I just need to get through this meeting without crying first.”

Tess ate every snack you gave her during the meeting, and after the meeting she insisted you go with her to pick out some clothes. Half way through shopping, Tess told you that she was starving again, and what she wanted more than anything was a chicken panini from Florence’s cafe, which is, of course, across town.

You’re sitting outside on the patio of the cafe, watching Tess as she devours half of her panini in almost 30 seconds. You lean your hand against your fist and pick at your plate. You know you need to go home and talk to John, but you can’t forgive yourself for how you were acting. You know you’re still upset about him not coming home, but in the end, this was all your doing.

“Guess that’s a no.” you sigh, and Tess looks up at you in confusion. “Bernard. He’s turning down everyone who offers to buy the shop.”

“Yeah,” Tess nods, “I mean, I didn’t really like that woman. She was kind of snotty to me, so I don’t know how I’d feel having her as a boss.”

“I wonder if there’s like an ideal person that he wants to buy it.” you sit back in your chair and cross your arms, “If I could afford it, I’d love to own the shop.”

“Wouldn’t that be amazing?” Tess laughs with her mouth full, “Us owning the shop? So cool.”

You sigh loudly and nod your head, and when you look over Tess’ shoulder, you see John’s car parked outside of the pet store across the street. You put your hand up to shield the sun, and you squint your eyes a little to see John getting in the car. As soon as it roars to life, Tess looks over her shoulder and yells loudly at John to get his attention.

“John!” she yells, waving wildly, “Hey! Hey, John!”

He pulls up to the side of the street and waves, “Hey, girls.”

“Join us!” Tess waves him over, then looks back and forth between the two of you, “Oh, I mean, if you want.”

You shrug, “Sure.”

Your town is small, so running into John isn’t a surprise, but you are a little surprised when he drives off. You weren’t opposed to John joining the two of you, sure you’re in a fight, but you wouldn’t mind if he wanted to join you for lunch.

“What the hell?” Tess frowns and looks at you in confusion when you start to laugh.

“I don’t know why I’m laughing, that was just…shocking. Wow.” you put your head in your hands and continue laughing.

You know John is upset at you, but you thought he’d at least say goodbye, especially after how he was acting this morning. You feel a warm hand on your back, and you look up to John standing next to you.

“I parked around the corner, I can’t stay for long though. I gotta run into the city for a few things, but I just stopped at the pet store to get some food for Bleu.” he says and pulls up a chair next to you.

“What are you gettin’?” Tess asks as she begins to stuff her face again.

“Oh,” John shrugs, “Just some stuff for work.”

“Ooh,” Tess’ eyes grow wide and she leans closer, “Like guns?”

“No, like bookbinding stuff.” he chuckles, looking over at you. Holding your gaze for a moment, he reaches for your hand and smiles, “What are you eating?”

“Strawberry avocado spinach salad with chicken.” you stab a piece of strawberry and chicken with your fork and hold it up to John’s mouth, “I know you want a bite. You always take a bite of it when I order it.”

John takes the fork from you and takes a few bites of your salad, “You always pick out the avocado. You could just order it without avocado, baby.”

“Too much work for me today.” you say and lean back in your chair.

He wipes his mouth with a napkin and sighs, “I should head out, I wanna beat the traffic.”

“I can walk you to your car.” you say and look over at Tess, “I’ll be right back.”

Walking with John, he reaches over for your hand, and you lean against his shoulder as you wrap your other hand around his bicep. He stops at the car and cups your face, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” you look up at John, then lean your head against his chest, “I think Tess still wants to go to a few other places, but I should be home in a few hours.”

“I’ll probably beat you home.” he says, letting go of you and opening his car door.

“Probably.” you let out a small laugh and hug him again before he gets in the car.

“Hey, I, uh…saw your suitcase on the bed.” he says and looks down as he plays with his keys, “Are you going to stay with your mom?”

“What?” you shake your head, “No, I wasn’t planning on going anywhere.”

“Oh, I just saw your suitcase on the bed. I figured you were planning on leaving or something.” he looks up at you with sad eyes and shrugs, “I thought you were leaving me.”

“No. Jonathan, I’m not leaving.” you say as you open the door. You sit on John’s lap and wrap your arms around each other as you kiss him tenderly. You stick your foot up and look at your shoes, “I was looking through the closet for my shoes and my suitcase was in the way.”

“So I can relax?”

“You can relax, I’m coming home.” you smile for a moment, then it fades.

He rubs the back of his hand against your cheek, and he smiles as he leans back in to kiss you again. “Stop beating yourself up. We’ll be okay.”

“I hope so.” you whisper as you get out of the car. “I’ll see you at home.”

“Okay,” he nods and shuts his door again. He reaches for your hand and tugs your fingers, “Please don’t forget how much I love you.”

“I love you too, John.” you back away and head back to Tess, who is now picking the pieces of chicken out of your salad. “Hey!”

“Sorry!” she laughs, then quickly takes a few pieces of chicken and eats them. “So, how’s it going? Do you want to finally talk about it? You’re miserable.”

You shrug as you sit down again, “Well, after you left, he…went through the trash and found the test. I was upset because I mean, it’s kind of an invasion of privacy, right? He threw it in my face that it’s his house.”

Tess sucks in a breath through her teeth, wincing, “Ouch.”

“Yeah, he was an ass.” you laugh and sit back in your chair, “He didn’t mean it, I know he didn’t. Still sucks though. Anyway, he asked if I was going to tell him and I told him that I probably wasn’t going to, then he stormed out and never came home. I know I should have told him. He just…left though. Had he just sat down with me, we could have talked about it.”

Tess nods her head and looks down at her lap, “Yeah…”

“What?”

Tess looks up at you and gives you a small smile, “He stayed at our place last night.”

“He did?” You feel relief knowing John stayed with Tess, you’d rather he stayed with them than just sleeping in the car.

“Yeah, he showed up around midnight. Jimmy and him sat on the couch talking for like two hours. The way he talks about you. Wow.” Tess shakes her head and smiles, “And the way he was looking at you this morning, it even gave me chills. He’s literally head over heels in love with you, he worships you. And last night, I could see it on his face and hear it in his voice.”

“You talked to him?” you look at Tess, and she reaches across the table for your hand.

“I stayed up with John for a little bit after Jimmy went to bed.” she points at her belly and laughs, “This baby is not letting me sleep. But we stayed up and talked for a little longer.”

“Really?”

“Really. Well, I talked and he listened. Okay, he talked too. He’s a veryinteresting guy. And he’s absolutely head over heels in love with you. I’m so jealous by how…deep his love for you is. It’s amazing that you found someone like him. He loves you so fucking much, oh my god.” she leans back against the chair and laughs.

“Still don’t understand why. I’m boring and annoying, and honestly I was a bitchthis morning.” you laugh a little, which feels good even if it’s at your own expense. “I’m sure he was shocked by how I was acting, I was even a little shocked.”

“You’re none of those things. You’re upset, I’m sure John can understand that.”

“Yeah, but I really shouldn’t have taken my anger out on him. Especially since I got on him for doing it to me.” you say, shrugging.

“Listen, you offer him stability, a chance for a normal life and you’re so sweet to him. You’re funny, absolutely adorable, and you’re an amazing person. You have a lot to offer, I don’t know why you can’t see that.”

You look over at Tess and roll your eyes, “Okay.”

“I’m just telling you the truth.”

“It still hurts to know he didn’t come home.” you rest your head on your hand and sigh, “I think him not coming home and ignoring my calls is what is pissing me off the most. I understand why he’s upset about the pregnancy test, and I agree with him, I should have told him. I just hate that he felt like he couldn’t come home. It’s my fault, to be honest.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s entirely your fault. He could have went home, but he didn’t. He made this worse by not going home and trust me, I told him that.”

“Did he mention why he didn’t come home?” you ask and look over at Tess.

“He just said he wanted to give you space.” she shrugs, “I told him it was a terrible idea. I told him that I know you better than anyone, and I know that what you needed in that moment was him.”

You look down at Tess’ belly and decide to change the subject, “You really are getting a belly now. It’s so cute.”

“Jimmy won’t stop taking pictures, he’s so happy.” Tess laughs and puts her hands on her belly, “John was asking about the baby last night. He even asked if he could see my ultrasound pictures.”

You look up at Tess and raise your eyebrow, “Your point?”

Tess puts her hands up in defense and laughs, “No point. I’m just sayin’ that he asked about the baby and had a genuine curiosity about everything.” she grabs her purse for her wallet and throws a two 20 dollar bills on the table, “I’m just saying that…he’s gonna be a great dad.”

“Tess!”

“I’m just saying!” she laughs as she stands up, “You could just, ya know, go home and talk to him. He wants to talk to you. That man who just showed up here is a man who is desperate to talk things through with someone he loves.”

“I know, it’s just now I feel like I need space. I’m just punishing myself now by not talking to him, making myself feel as bad as he feels. And the way I talked to him this morning…” your hands shake a little, and you look down the street and see Matt walking closer. “Oh, my god. It’s…”

“Matt.” Tess starts to laugh and you see flowers in his hand. “Wonder what he wants.”

“Is he following me now?”

This day could not get any worse.

“Maybe he works over here.” Tess laughs and looks over at him as he gets closer.

It’s been a few weeks since her wedding, but he still has bruising on his face, and you try not to stare too long. He has a bouquet of flowers in hands and he stops at the table, and you quickly stand up.

“Hey, I just saw you sitting out here by yourself, and so I…got you these flowers.” he says, handing Tess the flowers.

Tess takes the flowers from him and she looks at you, “Um…a little creepy, to be honest. I don’t even know you.”

“I just wanted to apologize for how I acted at your wedding. I was having a rough couple of weeks with work and everything. I was being incredibly rude, and I didn’t think about how it would affect your day, which I hope it didn’t.”

“Well, it wasn’t really what I had in mind when I thought about my wedding day.” Tess says and looks down at the flowers, “I mean, you did something pretty shitty. Flowers won’t really make up for that.”

Matt shuffles in place for a moment and runs his fingers through his hair, “Again, I’m–”

“You’re sorry, yeah, we’ve established that. But are you sorry for what happened, or are you sorry that you got caught?”

“I…” Matt becomes flustered and he nods, “You’re right.”

“Anyway, I’m not really the person you should even be apologizing to.” Tess says, gesturing to you. “You went to her house and you were inappropriate with her. You said terrible things to her and her boyfriend to try and put a wedge between them…so you could have her.”

“Tess…” you tap her arm to get her stop, but she continues.

“Which makes absolutely no sense.” she says and shakes her head. “You went out one time, and she never called you again. She literally told you that it wasn’t going to work out between the two of you. Take a hint, dude.”

“Um…” you look at the ground, then up at Matt, who is keeping his focus on Tess. “John told you not to come near me, you know what he said would happen if you did…”

“I didn’t know you were here.” he says, reluctantly looking over at you.

You scoff loudly and shake your head, “Bullshit. Tess and I have been sitting here for about an hour. I left for five minutes, there’s no way you didn’t know I was here.”

“I didn’t.” he says, gritting his teeth a little, which pisses Tess off beyond belief. “Look what your boyfriend did to my face, do you really think I’d come near you again? Look at my face.”

“Okay, and? He had every right.” you say, taking a step closer and challenging Matt, “Do I need to remind you of what he said to you that night? I can call him and have him come down here. He’d be here within a minute.”

Tess laughs as she watches Matt’s eyes grow wide, “You’re not going to sit here and play the victim. I’m sure it’s gotten you off the hook before, but it won’t this time. Seriously, take a fucking hint. She doesn’t like you!”

“I…I really don’t.” you grimace. You know it’s not nice to be brutally honest, but maybe it’s the only way to get through to Matt. “I never did. I only went out with you to get a reaction from John. It was never anything more for me. You were actually incredibly rude, and you were way too…nosey. You need to learn the dating 101s or something, because asking about your dates ex is not the way to go.”

“Again, you’re right.”

“Oh, I absolutely am.” you say, and Matt shuffles in place a little. “Fuck off, Matt.”

Matt nods his head and clears his throat. He’s embarrassed as hell, but you feel damn good. He nods his head again as he backs away from you, then he turns and walks quickly down the street, turning the corner.

“What the fuck?” you laugh and reach out for the door of Tess’ car.

Tess covers her mouth as she laughs, “What did John say to him?”

“You weren’t outside with us, but John told him how if he ever sees me or talks to me that he’ll basically…kill him.” you laugh and put your hand over your mouth.

“Good for John.” she says as she walks over to the car.

As Tess pulls onto your street, you see John at the mailbox talking to a woman. She’s laughing obnoxiously and touching his arm a little too much for your comfort. He leans against the mailbox and the woman scoots closer to him, clearly interested in him, but you can see the feelings aren’t reciprocated. Tess gasps when she sees and slams on the brakes.

“Uh,” she turns to you and reaches out to touch your arm. “Should I…oh, my god, is he flirting with her?”

You start to laugh, “No, he’s not flirting with her, but she’s definitely flirting with him though. Look at how she’s touching his arm. Literally what I did one of the first times I talked to him.”

“Can’t say I blame her, his arms look really good in that shirt.”

“You can just drop me off there.” you say, pointing at the driveway.

“Will you take these?” she hands you the flowers and laughs. “Just…throw them in the garbage. I don’t want to have to explain it to Jimmy.”

Tess pulls in front of the driveway, and you hop out with your shopping bags and the flowers. The woman turns to you and smiles before looking back to John, telling him about something that he clearly has no interest in since he’s staring at you.

Bleu runs up to greet you and you lean down, kissing him on top of his head, “Hi, baby.”

The woman is still talking John’s ear off, but when she realizes he’s not paying attention, she taps his shoulder, “Hey…”

John looks over at her and apologizes, “I’m…I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening.”

“That’s okay!” she laughs obnoxiously and scoots closer to him, and you feel the sudden urge to shove her away.

You wouldn’t consider yourself a jealous person, and you feel pretty confident in your relationship with John, but the way this woman is looking at him is filling you with rage.

She smiles wide and takes a deep breath to continue her story. When she looks away, John looks at you, almost begging for your help. He’s just too nice for his own good sometimes. Even though you’re upset with each other, you know what you need to do.

You walk over to John and grab the back of his neck to pull him closer, and you kiss him hard on the lips. He opens his mouth as you slide your tongue against his, and you open your eyes to see the woman watching in shock. You drop your bags to the ground and feel John’s hands slowly sliding to your ass.

Finally really kissing John after a fight is nearly making you melt, and same with John. He pulls back a little to look at you, then he smiles as he leans in to kiss you again, and you wrap your arms around his neck, moving your hand into his hair and deepening the kiss. If it weren’t for the dress you’re wearing, you’d wrap your legs around his waist and let him carry you inside.

You peek your eye open to see the woman still watching the two of you, but you know the longer you sit and make out with John, the more likely he is to grow hard in his pants and embarrass himself. The woman’s face is as red as a tomato, and you know your job here is done.

“Mmm,” you hum and suck on your bottom lip, then lean down to grab your bags again, “Let’s go inside, baby.”

“Yeah…” John nods and follows behind you like a puppy, leaving the woman stunned and speechless.

As you start your way up the driveway, John wraps his arms around your waist and you look over your shoulder at him. He’s trying his hardest not to grin from ear to ear, but when you make eye contact, he laughs a little.

Turning around, you place your hand on John’s chest and sigh, “I don’t want to talk right now. I still need…time.”

“Well, whenever you’re ready.” he says and opens the front door for you.

John bumps into your backside as you bend over to take off your shoes, and you stand up straight to look at him, “Really?”

“I’m sorry,” he laughs, and his smile makes you want to melt into the floor. “I didn’t mean to.”

You sigh deeply and reach for John’s hand, “Just give me a little time. I just need a little space right now. I just need to figure things out in my head for a bit.”

“Of course.” John nods and kisses you on the forehead quickly as he moves past you and into the kitchen. When you walk past John, he grabs your arm and cups your cheek, “Don’t go upstairs and beat yourself up.”

“Why do you know me so well?” you lean against John’s chest and sigh.

“I’m here when you’re ready, okay?”

You head for your bedroom to change your clothes, and you silently scold yourself the entire time. Whenever you have a fight with John, it’s usually settled quickly. You hate confrontation and you hate fighting with anyone, so the fact that you’re fighting with John makes it so much worse.

You’re beating yourself up and making yourself miserable, and that’s making John miserable as well. He’s ready to talk to you and work things out, so he’s clearly not mad at you anymore. You just don’t want to continue fighting with John, you want things to go back to normal.

You pull some shorts on and sit on the edge of the bed as you think. You look over at Bleu as he lays down next to you and he tilts his head when you start to talk to him.

“I should just go talk to him now, huh?” you say, and Bleu whines. “Yeah, I know. I need to talk to him.”

You head back downstairs and start the search for John when you see he isn’t sitting in the living room. You check his office first, but he’s not there. Then you check the guest bedroom, kitchen, and backyard, but you still can’t find him. You reach into your pocket for your phone but you remember you left it in your purse upstairs, so you grab the landline and dial John’s number.

“Hello?”

“Oh, uh, where are you?” you ask, looking around the kitchen again.

“The patio.” he says and groans as he gets up. He knocks on the window and you turn around to see him waving. “Why are you on the landline?”

“Oh! The side patio. Didn’t even bother to check there.” you let out a small laugh and wave back, ”My phone is upstairs and I was too lazy to go get it.”

John laughs and nods his head, “Understandable. I can’t believe you even know my number by heart. Kinda cute.”

You give John a small shrug, then you smile, “Memorized it the day you gave it to me.”

“Okay, well, that’s very cute.”

Holding John’s gaze from across the room, you lean against the door frame and twist the phone cord around your finger, “I think it’s time we talk.”

taglist: @sgt-morgan @shominoods @raveviolet @deviljoonie @cheekybluefox @ibelielveinmusic @avxgers @beyond-antares @hhighkey @lokismortallove @vladtoly @sanctuarygirl @daily-evanstan @chicksamwitch @star017 @wild-andfluorescent @whatcolourisanorange @lainalainalain

#john wick x reader #john wick x you #john wick imagine #i couldnt stop thinking about posting another chapter bc i know i would be dying to know what happens next #so here ya go #also yes john is literally baby #happy birthday to keanu and john

115 notes · View notes

fanfic-scribbles · 5 years

Text

Lunch Buddy: Chapter Ten

Masterlist

<<Previous Chapter Next Chapter>>

Overall Story Facts:

Fandom: MCU Captain America/Avengers

Story Summary: Steve Rogers makes a friend. A prickly, generally people-averse friend, but they’ll both take what they can get.

Quick Facts: Friendship (/Eventual Romance) – Steve Rogers & Reader (leading to Steve Rogers/Reader) – Female Reader

Story Warnings: Reader-insert that verges on OFC, written in 1st person past tense

Chapter 10: Familiar Things

Chapter Summary: Maybe the real coffee shops were the ones we found along the way. Or…not.

Chapter Word Count: 3469

My new job was fine. The people were nice without being distracting, my boss gave guidance without being overbearing, and I did what I was supposed to do and got paid for it. So work was work in a satisfactory way.

Finding a new place to spend a lunch break was slightly more frustrating.

Steve: Don’t laugh at the name Steve: But the menu for this place looks good.

With only slight hesitation, I clicked on the link. And stared at the logo. And…stared some more.

Steve: You’re laughing, aren’t you Me: No Me: I’m

I couldn’t figure out how to finish that.

Me: Are you sure that’s a coffee shop and not a daycare? Steve: It says ‘coffee’ and has a menu!

I read it over, and yeah, it did, and yeah, the menu looked okay. But still.

Steve: Are you worried about your reputation?

I rolled my eyes.

Me: I’m some schlub that nobody cares about Me: The real question: would YOU be okay with someone recognizing you Me: And saying you must endorse ‘Whoa Doggy Coffee?’

His silence spoke volumes.

Me: Also Me: Who the fuck does a themed coffee shop named ‘Whoa Doggy’ Me: And DOESN’T make it western?! Steve: Why do I feel like Steve: if it was Steve: you would show up in a cowboy hat Me: *We Me: I know a shitty tourist stall that sells them Steve: Then this was a blessing in disguise Steve: But that mascot’s going to haunt my dreams Me: Same

I checked the clock. There wasn’t a whole lot of time before I took my break.

Me: There’s a crummy Starbucks a few blocks away Me: Drinks are meh but it’s surprisingly quiet Steve: That’ll work Steve: Give me cross streets and I’ll meet you there

The Starbucks That Corporate Forgot was fine for an ‘in the meantime,’ but I was really hoping for another place with nice people behind the counter and good stuff to drink and eat that also wasn’t far from my work. I had thought of coffee shops in New York as a dime a dozen, but I was pretty wrong, apparently. On some recommendations Steve had gotten we went to actual lunch a few times and it was nice. The food, at least, was fine, but all of it was a little pricey for me to want to make it a habit. And if we could find the right coffee shop, we could keep up a habit that I liked without hurting my wallet. I hoped.

The first place I picked out was a very generic coffee shop with a forgettable name. The drinks, though, were so bad that Steve and I took our respective sips and then spent the rest of our time together using my phone to find anywhere else but there.

Steve found a place that seemed fine but the guys behind the counter recognized him and were such assholes about it, it was like Steve had personally trampled their dicks in effort to destroy their oh-so-sturdy manhood. He kept it together pretty well while I felt like a static-charged cat, but when they started to turn their attention towards me I felt Steve stiffen up and I yanked him out of there before we could end up as a Jerry Springer special.

“It’s not that good,” Steve muttered into his cup after we had appropriated a table at a random food place.

“Tastes like bitter projection and manly, manly tears,” I said and sipped slowly. It made him laugh, at least, and his shoulders stopped looking so much like a straight line.

“I hear that much salt is bad for you though,” he said and winked at me.

I choked so hard he had to pat my back to help me breathe again.

I picked out a place I thought looked great. Unfortunately, the rest of the city apparently thought the same. The place was so busy Steve was easily lost in the crowd which, on one hand, great, good, wonderful, fantastic. On the other hand, the shop was small and hot and conversations dipped in and out, bleeding and merging into a cacophony that felt as oppressive as the bodies surrounding me.

I held out long enough to order and then, despite how fast the drinks were being made, looked outside for somewhere else to stand. I found it in a spot right near the window and gave Steve some excuse about how I would just be a second, and then made my escape.

I was catching my breath a few steps away from the glass, in some shade, when someone tapped my shoulder and I looked up just as Steve slid a cup into my hands. “Oh, I’m–” I closed my grip. “I’m sorry Steve.”

“It’s all right.” His hand was large and warm on my back, but I didn’t want to shrink away. “Let’s take a walk.”

It was better than scrounging for a broken table in a place I couldn’t even look at comfortably, so I nodded and we started walking. Steve acted as a buffer between me and the street and I waited to level out. The drink was really good. Too bad.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Fine.” I checked the time. We had plenty of it. “I’m sorry; I wasn’t trying to skip out, I just needed some air.”

“Was it someone in there?” he asked in a tone that suggested he would be doing an about-face if I said anything resembling ‘yes.’

“No, just…the amount of people. I couldn’t handle it,” I said.

He lost the ‘choose your fighter’ stance. “Really?”

“Yeah, I know, but I don’t go to clubs that often,” I said. “Sometimes I can handle ridiculous crowds and sometimes I can’t. I tend to avoid them in general; I don’t really like people that close if I can help it.”

“Oh,” he said and I knew what he was about to do, so I tugged his shirt just as he tried to step to the side.

“Don’t,” I said. “It’s strangers I don’t like; you’re fine.”

“Oh,” he said, and he sounded so pleased that I had to look.

His smile matched his tone and was so sweet that I smiled too. “What?” I asked him.

“Nothing,” he said. But he couldn’t help himself for long. “People say I’m imposing.”

“People who don’t know you’re just a giant dork.”

“Most people.”

“So only…” I did a quick estimate, “…Maybe ten people know what a dork you are?” Because there weren't that many Avengers, right?

“More like you, Sam, and Natasha.”

Okay, there were definitely more Avengers than that. “What about your other friends?” Or maybe that was the problem. “Co-workers?” Did Avengers get paid? “…Teammates?”

Steve flashed me a bemused smile. “Do your co-workers know what a dork you are?”

“More than I like,” I admitted. “But it’s always only ever a matter of time.”

“Well, we don’t…” He shrugged. “They’re all busy; they have jobs, partners; lives. We train sometimes, and Coulson wrangles us in sometimes for a group dinner.”

“So they’ve met you more than once and still don’t know you’re a dweeb?”

He shifted. “What time is it?”

“We’re already heading back.” I wrapped both of my arms around one of his. “You can walk me.”

“Are you trying to make sure you can charge me for the full hour?” he asked dryly but didn’t try to shake me off.

“There’s not enough money in the world to make me your therapist.” I gave his arm one good squeeze and let go. “We’re just two friends, shooting the shit. Or I guess we can talk shit, if you want, but I’ll have no idea who you’re talking about.”

He laughed a little. “No, I don’t– they’re all good people, and I wish I knew them better,” he admitted and we came to a stop. “But we’re different people, so it’s slow. But it’s fine.”

“Hm.”

He smiled at me and then nodded forward. At my building. “Have a nice day at work.”

I snorted. “Thanks, honey.” But that sounded so weird we both cracked up.

“How is the job, though? Is it good?” he asked.

“I do my job, I get paid.” I shrugged. “That’s all I really care about. So in that sense, yeah. It’s good.”

“Good. I’m glad it’s working out,” he said. There was a slight buzzing and I felt over my pocket, just in case, but he pulled out his phone and I caught a brief look at a vaguely familiar logo lit up on the screen. Steve sighed and looked at me like he was already tired. “This is probably something.”

I nodded and stepped back to give him some space. “Be safe. I’ll check out some places while you’re gone.”

“I can’t wait to try them out,” he said, saluted, and ran off.

Dork. But I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day, and eventually gave in and texted him.

Me: If you come back hurt I’m dragging you to that stupid doggy coffee shop. In a cowboy hat. Steve: Consider me bulletproof Steve: Going dark. See you soon

He had better, I thought, and went back to work with what little focus I could manage to scrounge up.

I tried a couple of places but neither of them were all that great and I had to admit to myself that my heart wasn’t in it. I checked the news but didn’t see anything Steve might have been involved with, and that just made me more anxious, so I did everything I could think of to distract myself. Steve was a loser but he had a good reputation for a reason, so I had to trust that Captain America would handle his shit so that my friend could come home.

About a week after he had run off, I was stretching at my desk in the mid-morning when I got a text.

Steve: Hi Steve: Back home

I breathed a sigh of relief.

Me: Good Me: Hale and hearty and healthy? Steve: Perfectly fine Steve: :) Steve: Find a new lunch place yet?

I sighed for an entirely different reason.

Me: Knocked some places out Me: There was a tea/coffee place that had promise Me: But I can never snag a fucking table Me: Also it’s so fluorescent it hurts my eyes. Steve: Okay Morticia

I smiled and sent him a line of thumbs up emojis. I looked nothing like, but as far as my overall personality and aesthetic, that felt like a nice compliment that required some thanks.

Steve: I have an idea

He then sent me an address, which I looked up, and…okay?

Me: A bookstore?

Not that I was complaining, but it looked like a small second-hand shop and showed no sign of having anything but books.

(I made a note to myself to check it out on the weekend, though.)

Steve: Trust me Me: Okay Me: Is 11 okay? Got meetings this afternoon Steve: Okay Steve: I’ll meet you there Me: :) Steve: ?! Steve: A smile?! Me: Shut up Me: B O O K S Steve: Okay Belle

I laughed. Jerk.

I got there about five minutes early and he still managed to be waiting. Despite being his usual self, he also managed to blend in well enough that when I first scanned the street I almost missed him. He was slouched against the wall, and when I did a double-take he pushed off the brick and walked towards me.

I couldn’t help but look him over. He looked good. Satisfied. “Do I pass inspection?” he asked jokingly.

“Meh,” I decided and looked around. The shop itself even blended into that same wall, a true hidden gem I couldn’t wait to get my sticky fingers all over.

“You still have to go back to work,” Steve reminded me as he opened the door.

“And I can’t buy books if I have no money,” I said and sighed. In the shop, though, small and crowded with books, inhaling brought in that familiar thick and slightly musty scent, but it wasn’t overwhelming, and was that a hint of new I smelled? Ah; there was a bargain bin of unsold Barnes and Noble refugees. Also…there was, in fact, coffee. Somewhere. I scanned what I could see but saw no sign of anything coffee-related, not even a cup at the cash register. I turned to Steve to ask, but he was covering the lower half of his face with both hands as his shoulders shook and his eyes gliste– was he crying?

Not quite, but close enough, and I put my hands on my hips while he calmed down, but even calmed down his smile was big and wide and made him look like a complete doofus. It was my new favorite expression. Not that I’d ever tell him. “What?”

“You, treating a bookstore like a sommelier treats wine,” he said, chuckling.

Oh. I had said that…out loud. I ducked my head, but it didn’t feel like he was making fun of me; he sounded fond, and that made it better when nudged me. “It was cute,” he said and started moving. “Come on.”

I followed behind, past piles of books and through shelves that almost reached the ceiling. We popped out of the aisle into a little corner pocket that hosted some arm chairs and side tables and the smallest coffee cart I had ever seen. It stuck out next to a wall and a curtain-covered opening, behind which there was a sound of clanking dishes. The people populating the seats were almost all elderly, aside from one balding businessman, and I smirked at Steve.

He rolled his eyes like I didn’t have to say it. Good, because it was quieter than a library and we piped down accordingly. He pointed to an empty set of cozy chairs and I followed the gesture to claim the seats while he went to the tiny counter. Nearby a couple of people argued in low voices. When I heard “writes like shit” I tried to eavesdrop, but Steve came back with two mismatched ceramic mugs filled with steaming hot coffee and sat down in the other chair, blocking them.

“Thanks.” The smell was great and I just sat with cup in hand, inhaling, for several seconds. Until I caught sight of Steve, staring at me and smiling like the Mona Lisa. I hid my mouth with the cup and took a sip. It was really good. I set it on the small table between us and said softly, “You look pretty pleased with yourself.”

“Do I?” he asked just as softly, his smile unwavering.

I looked around the room where all conversation had died in favor of reading. I held up my phone to Steve in warning and then started to text.

Me: Maybe not an everyday place Me: But a good option if we don’t feel chatty

He smiled wider at me. And stayed that way. I tilted my head in a silent ‘what?’ and he shook his head, but he texted back.

Steve: I like that it’s an option Steve: That we’re comfortable enough to sit quietly together Steve: It’s nice

It wasn’t like this was the first time we had ever sat in silence together, but he seemed to be having a good moment so I refrained from pointing that out.

Me: It is nice Me: But I think you just like getting me to shut up Steve: That’s just a bonus

And an angel emoji. The bastard.

Me: There has never been a more poorly matched emoji to person than that to you

He responded by sending three lines of them and I had to suffocate myself to keep from disturbing the peace.

Me: I hate you

He flashed me a brilliant smile. It had a dorky undertone though, so I knew it was genuine.

Steve: No you don’t

No, I didn’t. And shame on me for ever letting him know that. Still, he had done good with his find, and the coffee was excellent, so I let him be a self-satisfied little shit. For the moment.

I was running late.

Granted, it was my own lunch break and it wasn’t like I had to cut it short, but it was annoying. I was meeting Steve at the crummy Starbucks and he had mentioned having things to do that afternoon, and I hated being held up on my breaks. Especially by stupid people.

As soon as I stepped in I scanned the place for Steve. I didn’t see him at first but when I checked again I saw him in our usual corner. Talking to somebody else.

It didn’t look like when he was talking to a fan; it looked like he was having a meeting, with a woman in a nice suit, whose strawberry blonde hair was so perfectly brushed I ran my hand over my own head in reflex.

Steve lifted his head, saw me, smiled, and waved for me to come over. The woman turned her head to watch me approach, which I did. Slowly.

“Hi,” I said to him, trying not to glance at her and failing. “Should I…go somewhere else for now?”

“No, we’re just–” Steve stood up so fast he hit the table and made it jump. He caught it with both hands and set it down gently so his coffee didn’t spill. He smiled sheepishly at his tablemate. “Sorry Pepper.”

“It’s all right,” she replied with some amusement, travel container in hand. She set it back down and then extended her hand to me. “Pepper Potts.”

I introduced myself and shook her hand. Hopefully that was a good amount of pressure– I never knew if I was doing it right. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you too,” she said and let go. “Steve says good things.”

Steve talked about me? I shorted out for a second, wondering what he could possibly have to say, and he shifted. “We’re just finishing up,” he said. “I’ll tell you about it after.”

“Okay, I–” I stopped when I saw the raised eyebrow Pepper was aiming at Steve. “Not okay?”

“No, it’s okay.” Steve smiled reassuringly at Pepper. “She’s the one I told. First.”

“Oh.” Then Pepper aimed her look at me, both eyebrows raised.

I had no idea what to make of that. “I’ll just…go get something to drink?”

“Good luck,” Steve said and I rolled my eyes but I left them alone. I got a simple iced coffee, since the staff couldn’t be bothered to figure out how to properly use a fucking blender. At least this time my ice chunks would be expected.

When I got back, she was gone. I felt a little bad for how much that relaxed me. “I didn’t mean to interrupt,” I said as I sat down.

“You weren't. Pepper and I were going to meet later but apparently something came up, so she tracked me down,” Steve said, fidgeting with his cup.

I looked around. No one. I turned back to Steve and scooted closer. “So you’re…gonna go for it?”

He bobbed his head. “We’re planning it now.” He sat back and tried to smile, but it was a nervous expression. “Whether I like it or not, it’s going to be a…thing. So we’re trying to make it less daunting.”

“That’s good. I’m glad you’ve got help,” I said.

“Yeah.” His smile grew more solid. “I’ve got good people around.”

“Good. That’s good,” I said. Steve kept staring at me though, with that smile. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“You're making fun of me, aren’t you?”

“No I’m not.” He took a swig of his plain hot coffee– about the only drink we were absolutely certain they could manage here– and nodded at my drink. “How was your roll of the dice today?”

I took a sip. It was actually perfect. That wasn’t too terribly surprising since I had added the cream myself, but pleasant all the same. “Nat 20.”

He frowned. I grinned. “Are you ready for the next reference you can drop to make your friend Tony’s head explode?”

Steve leaned in, eager and ready to learn.

The next time we got together, Steve proudly played me his new ringtone, which consisted of a man screeching “Where did you learn that?!” and a burst of laughter, loud but cut short by the end of the recording.

I held my face in my hands. I was still laughing. “You are such a jerk.”

“Thanks, your Highness.” I could hear the smile in his voice. I didn’t know whether to be proud of my creation, or terrified. Maybe both.

“…Play it again.”

He did so, happily.

<<Previous Chapter Next Chapter>>

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers & reader #captain america fanfic #avengers fanfic #reader insert #lunch buddy

109 notes · View notes

immovable-force-archive · 5 years

Text

send me a ship // @motherfucking-username

1- Who is the most affectionate?

Tough one right out of the starting gate! Both of these two can be pretty prickly. I could see Kew being the one to initiate more often, but Hank does look like he gives the best hugs, so who knows tbh.

2- Big spoon/Little spoon?

Kew as big spoon, if only so Hank doesn’t have to stick his face in Kew’s carpet of gross hair.

3- Most common argument?

These two love bickering, honestly. I think over time as they get more comfortable around each other (as comfortable as you can get when you’re possessed), their arguments become more playful than like real arguments. Still, Kew taking control and doing something stupid is probably a thing that never really stops happening. Or Kew meeting up with Loqero while Hank’s asleep.

I am assuming this ship meme is with them both in the same body right

4- Favorite non-sexual activity?

Watching movies or trying new foods. Or trying old foods! Kew always loves his milkshakes.

5- Who is most likely to carry the other?

Hank is always carrying Kew, technically. Kew would love picking up Hank during dreams and carrying him around though, just to show-off. I’m guessing Hank would hate that though.

6- What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

I think Kew starts out thinking Hank is kinda ugly, but grows to like a lot about him, so this is a tough question. He likes his hair (because it reminds Kew of his own hair), likes his eyes, likes the tattoo on his chest. The tattoo might take the ‘favorite’ prize, but it’s close between those three.

7- What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

Things get waaaaaaay more awkward.

8- Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate?

Kew loves nicknames, but that’s mostly because he sucks with names really bad. He doesn’t tend to give nicknames to people with one-syllable names like Hank. Early on, he calls Hank things like “Stupid Human” (or just Human), “Host”, (in narration), “Hank Lieutenant” (thinking that’s his last name and not learning his actual one for awhile), and “Hanky.” I think he sticks with ‘Hank’ for the most part, but ‘Stupid human’ still pops up every once in awhile.

9- Who worries the most?

Hank, I think? Or maybe he doesn’t give enough of a shit to, I dunno. Most of Kew’s worrying is for his own life when Hank’s thoughts start spiraling.

10- Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

Hank.

11- Who tops?

Lmao

12- Who initiates kisses?

In dreams? Kew, maybe.

13- Who reaches for the other’s hand first?

Again, Kew, maybe?

14- Who kisses the hardest?

ffFFFFFF Uhhhh Haaaaank...? Or maybe Kew if he’s bein’ a desperate boi?? Oh god I have no clue don’t kill me Ellie

15- Who wakes up first?

Depends on your definition of ‘wakes up first.’ Technically Kew wakes up in the middle of the night to eat sticks of butter but does that count as waking up first, or last?

16- Who wants to stay in bed just a little longer?

Definitely Hank.

17- Who says I love you first?

Uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shrug emoji haven’t gotten that far

18- Who leaves little notes in the other’s one lunch? (Bonus: what does it usually say?)

Kew. He probably leaves little notes on everything.

19- Who tells their family/friends about their relationship first?

Gonna take a wild guess and say neither of them, because Kew has no living family/friends (except Loqero, who I guess might find out but I dunno if Kew would tell him) and Hank can’t exactly say he’s dating the demon that lives in his head. Not unless he wants to get wheeled into an insane asylum.

20- What do their family/friends think of their relationship?

Nothing because they never find out lmao

21- Who is more likely to start dancing with the other?

Kew, he’d dance and sing along to songs in Hank’s music collection at night, and he’d suck at it. It quickly becomes one of the things Kew isn’t allowed to do at night because Hank doesn’t want to wake up tired and sore the next morning.

22- Who cooks more/who is better at cooking?

Hank, because Kew is Klueless about anything except what foods taste good. Unless he has to cook a soul, I guess.

23- Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines?

Dunno if I could see either of them doing that, but Kew might as a joke. Maybe some bad devil pick-up lines that don’t really translate to humans well.

24- Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear during inappropriate times?

Isn’t that all Kew does?

25- Who needs more assurance?

Both of them probably, they’re both disasters. I’d probably say Hank here if I had to pick.

26- What would be their theme song?

Carry On by fun. is pretty much perfect for them. I also like Shallow by Lady Gaga.

27- Who would sing to their child back to sleep?

Kew. He’d sing Devilian lullabies.

28- What do they do when they’re away from each other?

Not a problem with this ship B)

Nah just kidding. When Hank’s asleep, Kew relishes his time in control, usually staying in the house and examining Hank’s stuff, playing with Sumo, sampling things in the fridge, trying to craft things out of whatever’s lying around, texting Hank questions for the morning-- He does a lot. A lot that’s against the rules Hank wants him to follow at night, but a lot.

Kew usually ‘sleeps’ through Hank waking up and the first couple hours he’s at work, so who knows what Hank does them in his rare time of silence.

29- one headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart.

These two are more transparent with their issues and insecurities than most other duos, just because of the nature of their relationship. So when they fight, they can go straight for the throat. The argument thread is still pretty heartbreaking because they’re both just angry and trying to hurt each other. I remember OOC, we were pretty convinced that was going to end really badly. I think Kew lives in fear that there will be one day that things are too bad, that Hank gets too good at fighting him off, and there’s nothing he can do to stop Hank from killing them both. That in the end, their relationship isn’t really equal, and Hank holds the ultimate trump card. Kew can’t trust Hank, yet has no choice in the matter. It gets one step worse if Hank tries to do something to get rid of Kew, like an exorcism or something else, regardless of if it works or not.

Also this reply breaks my heart every single time, because it shows the exact opposite. In some way, they do both have the power to ruin the only things the other cares about, and have to live painfully aware of it.

30- one headcanon about this OTP that mends it.

I love the idea of them building up a strong bond, enough that if something happened to Kew (his soul got ‘captured’, still connected to Hank but just trapped somewhere), Hank would try to rescue him. ‘Fixing their situation’ gradually stops being ‘Get Kew out of my head and make sure he stays dead.’ And the same goes for Kew, who probably figures out that he could eat Hank’s soul at any time to take full control of his body, but ultimately lies and hides that fact. He doesn’t want to do it, but also can’t quite admit (for awhile) that it’s because he cares about Hank too much.

Hank probably figures that out anyway.

#Thiiiiiis is shit :D These answers are bad asldakdfj and I have a headache for some reason #Too much caffeine I think #;horned musings #;HANKEW - If I said I want your body now / Would you hold it against me?#;memes #long post

2 notes · View notes

ticklishhpickle · 6 years

Text

It Kills Me, Why Doesn’t It Kill You?- Part 1/4

Summary: Four months after his break up with Phil, Dan is still pathetically in love with him. Four months without any contact with Phil, and Dan sees him at PJ's party. He needs to talk to Phil. He needs to know why Phil stopped loving him.

Word count for this part: 1.8k

Warnings: none

Genre: angst

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13170615/chapters/30124050

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He sat at the breakfast bar lazily eating his bowl of shreddies. The sound of the spoon clinking against the bowl didn't do anything to hush the quiet that had fallen over Dan's apartment for the past 3 months. Dan gave up on chewing his cereal after a few mouthfuls and decided on staring into the full cereal bowl, watching the shreddies slowly turn to mush. Was is strange that he found solace in watching once intact bits of cereal fall apart? He wanted to see something disintegrate too, to lose form the way he did.

'Who the fuck am I?'

He thought to himself after snapping out of his cereal watching session. Did he really just find satisfaction from watching processed bits of wheat and sugar turn to mush? It hit Dan that he just wanted something else to deteriorate too, the way he was at that moment in time.

The apartment still looked like theirs, he mused. DVDs they bought together when they first moved in, nerdy figurines only they liked, an apron that said 'Kiss the Cook' on it. His chest began aching a little more than it was before. The apron was a gift from Phil.

Phil snaked his arms around Dan's waist, pressing a light kiss to his neck. "Merry Christmas Dan." He said, replacing the arms around his waist with the apron.

"What are you doing Phil? You're actually such a spork!" Dan laughed and removed the blindfold Phil had so unnecessarily but endearingly made him wear for this surprise. Dan looked down at the words on the apron and immediately rolled his eyes.

" 'Kiss the cook', really Phil? That's so cheesy." He said with no trace of judgement in his voice.

"Does it really say that? What a shame, I guess I have to now!" He teased, and leaned in to place a kiss on his boyfriend's lips.

Dan chided himself, he wasn't supposed to be thinking about him anymore. It had been four months already. The dull ache in his chest that he had grown accustomed to turned into a persistent pang whenever he allowed himself to not only remember, but to reminisce of what he and Phil used to be. Dan was broken again, and Phil wasn’t here this time to fix him.

Later that evening Dan was mindlessly scrolling on Facebook, looking for dank memes to distract him from the overwhelming pain of existence. He was not being melodramatic. As he was enjoying a particular doge-themed meme the little 'ding' noise Facebook made whenever a message was received alerted him. He knew who it would be. Before all of this Dan used to leave the house and even hang out with friends sometimes. He did joke to his viewers about never leaving the house but the truth was he had a social life up until about 4 months prior.

$e$h L0RD: hey man, hope you're ok. i know we haven't talked in a while but I was hoping you would come to a small gathering I'm hosting tomorrow night?

Dan's first thought upon seeing the message: 'I'm a funny motherfucker for making his nickname that'

His second upon actually reading and processing the information in the message: 'Is Phil gonna be there?' Without even thinking properly he sent his reply.

Spaniel Towell: Will Phil b there? :/

Dan cursed at himself straight after reading his message back. How rude could he get? And the fucking emoji at the end, what was he thinking? Maybe he should have thought first before sending it.

Spaniel Towell: Shit sorry that was rude, hi PJ I'm sorry we haven't talked in a while. I think I can make it, don't have anything on as far as I know.

Dan rubbed his sweaty hands together nervously, biting his lip as well.

$e$h L0RD: that's ok Dan

$e$h L0RD: I understand

$e$h L0RD: and yeah he is. I know it will be hard with what happened at all but please could you try and come plzzz xxxxx there will be heaps of others there you won't even have to talk to each other

But Dan did want to talk to him. So badly. And just see him and hold him and be loved by him again. He did not allow himself to hope though, he knew the most that would come out of seeing Phil would be awkward and forced small talk.

Spaniel Towell: see you tomorrow PJ.

Dan closed his laptop and sighed, walking slowly to his bedroom. He opened the cupboard door and pulled out his, no Phil’s old Muse tshirt. He lifted the shirt to his face and sniffed. It still smelt like him. Without thinking, he slipped his own plain black shirt off and pulled the Muse shirt over his head. At least he still had a piece of Phil, since he couldn’t have the real thing.

Dan knew this was pathetic, he really did, but as he cried himself to sleep wearing his ex-boyfriend’s t-shirt, he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

Dan whined into his boyfriend’s mouth, tangling his hands in his hair. You’d think they’d be tired from the concert they’d just got back from, but they were both properly hyped from the music and whole atmosphere of the concert.

“Do you think we’d be together if it weren’t for Muse?” Dan pulled away suddenly, blushing when he felt Phil place a kiss on his neck.

“I think we’d be together if I was a 70 year old man living in Zimbabwe.” His boyfriend replied, continuing to press kisses all over Dan’s neck.

“No, Phil! Answer properly!” He laughed while pushing the black-haired man off his neck in hopes it would make him take the question more seriously.

Phil cupped Dan’s face and looked deeply into his eyes.

“I did. What I mean is that no matter the circumstances, whether that be Muse not existing or me being an old man living in Africa, we’d be together in some way, shape or form. So in this universe, the people we are,” Phil gestured towards their bodies, “are together, but in another very similar alternate universe where Muse does not exist our souls would still find each other somehow. Does that make sense?”

Dan gulped, his eyes shining up at Phil’s. “I think so?”

Phil brought his hands down from Dan’s face and instead laced them into Dan’s own hands.

“We’re soulmates, Dan. So in every single alternate reality there is, we’d be together. I’m just glad that in this universe, Muse exists because that gave you something to tweet me about.” He pressed their foreheads together.

“I’m just happy that here, right now, I get to be with you, making out with you in my Muse t-shirt that I’ll probably regret buying later. But I know we’d be together some other way if that band didn’t exist.”

Going into the party was like walking into a life he left behind, but what he realised upon seeing Louise coming to greet him was it was also something he could return to if he really wanted.

"Dan!!! You made it! It's so good to see you."

Louise pulled him into a bone-crushing hug which Dan was pretty sure caused the rupture of at least two of his major organs. He found himself smiling, the first real one he'd had in a while. "It's good to see you too Louise. How've you been?" Louise's eyes lit up and began chatting excitedly about Darcy's latest bathroom accident that kept Louise up the whole night. As glad as Dan was that he wasn’t a parent at the moment, it was always something he’d dreamed of. But now, who was he going to share that with? His chest hurt.

Louise being Louise chatted his ear off for who knows how long before Dan finally asked the question he'd be wanting to ask since she came to greet him. "So where's Phil? I kind of want to talk to him." Louise's eyes softened and the look of excitement from discussing the shenanigans occurring in her pottery class changed to one of empathy.

"I think- I think he's upstairs, love." Dan thanked her and left to talk to the man who still had his heart after breaking it and leaving him to pick up the pieces.

Phil's hair was still easy to spot to Dan, even without seeing it for so long the image was burned into his mind. He longed to run his fingers through it like he used to when Phil loved him and to see it in a funny quiff but mostly just to talk to the owner of the hair. Dan took a deep breath and walked up behind him, tapping him on the shoulder. "Hey Phil." Phil turned around slowly, looking into Dan's eyes and stupidly, stupidly making Dan fall in love with him a million more times in that second of contact.

"Hey Dan! How are you?"

For a second, Dan swore he saw Phil’s face light up with utter adoration. The same look he’d been giving Dan for the past three years. But he blinked, and the older man’s face was infected with a smile so polite, so reserved Dan felt like he was being mocked by it. It was a smile one would save for a stranger, an acquaintance or someone you disliked. Not the man you loved. A bitter taste filled his mouth.

"Pretty fucking awful, to be perfectly honest. I think you know that, though." Dan spat out.

His ex-boyfriend shifted uneasily on his feet. It gave Dan a petty sense of satisfaction that he was affecting Phil like this.

"Dan, do you really want to do this here?" Phil lowered his voice and had made sure to keep his expression neutral again, that same stupid stoic face he had when he broke up with Dan.

"Where else then, Phil? I'm not going to yell at you. All I want to know is why, why did you leave, why don’t you love me anymore?" Dan's voice cracked painfully and his eyes were wet with tears.

The silence that followed was even more painful. Phil was still as a statue, unmoving and unaffected by his words. He looked at the wall behind Dan, not meeting his eyes. He paused for a second before speaking.

"I'm not sure I ever did." He shrugged.

Dan thought the pain of being left by Phil was the worst pain imaginable. It wasn't. The one thing he was holding onto was that at least at one point in his sad existence someone as perfect as Phil Lester had loved him, and for a long time too, even if it wasn't forever. Being told that that was all a lie ruined any respect he held for Phil, and any hope in his heart that Phil would take him back. Dan needed to leave before he let Phil watch him break down, again.

"Good to know." His voice only wobbled a little, and he walked down the stairs without falling, and he even said goodbye to Louise and PJ collectedly. Only when he got back to his empty apartment he let himself cry.

Dan was pathetic, and Dan was a mess, but in that moment he was proud he had restrained himself enough at the party so that no one could see him break for the millionth time.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Part 2

A/N: lol this the angstiest piece of shit I’ve ever written, there will be a happy ending though (I promise)

#angst #breakup #phan #phanfiction #postbreakup #chaptered #angsty #fanfiction #phan angst #unrequited love #gettingbacktogether #happyending

9 notes · View notes

bigmysticmood · 7 years

Note

RFA + V + Saeran breakup with MC? Make it as angsty as possible, yes?

Name spoiler in 707′s

Zen

You noticed him becoming a bit more distant with you, but you never thought he’d actually dump you.

“MC… I just…… It’s not working out. I don’t feel the same way about you now that I did when we first met.”

“What…?”

He was quiet for a moment, but then he said those words that you were so scared to hear.

“We should break up.”

“A-Are you sure…?”

He brought his arms closer to the rest of his body, then nodded.

“Yes. This relationship isn’t working. I don’t love you like I used to and I think you deserve better than that. It’d be better for both of us if we stop seeing each other like this.”

When he saw the tears in your eyes, he added, “I hope we can still stay friends.”

You gasped. You love him. You love him so fucking much. You’d never want to loose your best friend, but he just broke your heart without any regret? And? He wanted to stay friends??

“Hyun….” You couldn’t think of what to say. You were too focused on not crying, but failed in the end. Once the tears started coming, they didn’t stop.

“B-But…..” For a little bit, you both sat there. “I love you….” You said quietly, knowing how pathetic you must sound to him.

“I know.. I ju-”

“You know!? Then how the hell are you so emotionless while saying this? If you want to ‘stay friends,’ how the hell can you break my heart and not care?!”

Zen only stared at you. You’d never yelled at him before, and he’s never seen you cry so hard. Sometime during your outburst, your hands ended up on top of the table. Zen’s fingers lightly brushed against yours after he saw that your hands were shaking, but you quickly jerked away from him.

“If you wanted to be my friend, you wouldn’t hurt me like this.”

When you got back to Rika’s apartment that night, you couldn’t stop crying. You never really liked staying there in the first place, but now that you were there because you couldn’t sleep in Zen’s bed, it felt even worse.

Jumin let him have it.

Yoosung

You weren’t about to let some sloppy kiss Yoosung shared with some random at a party destroy your relationship with him.

You knew he was a lightweight, so he got drunk pretty quickly. People do stupid shit when they’re drunk. You remember Zen telling you about one time you got really drunk and gave him a lap dance.

But one night as the two of you sat together to eat your takeout, you asked him about it.

“MC, you know I’d never try to hurt you, right?”

“Yoosung…. Of course, but-”

“Then you know that I didn’t kiss them to hurt you… and I’m not trying to hurt you with what I say next.”

“Wha-”

“MC, I want to break up.”

“O-oh.”

He refused to make eye contact with you for a bit, but when his hands balled into fists and he brought his face up to look at you, your face was blank. You were too shocked to react.

“MC…?”

“Why?”

“We’re different people than when we met. We don’t get along as well anymore and… I don’t know… I just don’t feel like we work out together. I’m not happy like this.”

Your thumb began to play with the ring on your left hand.

“You don’t love me anymore..?”

“No, MC. I just-”

“It’s fine.”

He wasn’t able to say what he wanted, because for some reason, his brain wouldn’t attach to his mouth. He just sat there stuttering as you cried.

“I’ll be back in a while I guess.”

“MC, I’m not kicking you out. You should s-”

“Trust me, you don’t want to be under the same roof as me for a while.”

You knew there was a limit to your calmness, and you preferred to not let him see you when that limit was reached.

You slowly unlocked the front door, but turned around to grab his hand before you walked out. You slipped the ring that you’d taken off of your finger into his hand, and closed his fingers around it.

You didn’t want to burden anyone, so you figured that going back to Rika’s apartment was your best bet.

You couldn’t stop wondering what you did wrong. What you could have done to make him so unhappy with your relationship.

When you looked down and saw the naked part where your ring was for so long, the tears started up again. You had a tan line where the ring sat; that’s how long you were engaged. How long would it take for it to go away?

When you woke up in the morning, you didn’t have the energy to do anything besides stare at the ceiling.

After a few hours of not moving, you finally reached for your phone.

Nobody was online, so you figured it’d be best to see what you missed now, rather than have to talk to people.

As soon as you logged on, Yoosung did the same

Yoosung☆: “MC! I’m so glad you’re on!”

Yoosung ☆:“When are you coming back home?”

MC: “No.”

Yoosung ☆:“No?”

MC:“No.”

~707 has entered chatroom~

707: “…”

707: “Why are you at the apartment, MC?”

Yoosung ☆:“MC, can you call me please?”

MC:“No.”

Yoosung ☆:“No?!”

MC:“No.”

707: *??? emoji*

707: “Lover’s quarrel?”

707: “Is MC back on the market? lolol”

MC:“Ya”

707: *shocked emoji*

MC:“I got dumped lolol”

Yoosung ☆:“MC, it wasn’t like that!!”

MC:“lol it doesn’t matter whether it was “like that” or not.”

Yoosung ☆:“???”

MC:“You shouldn’t have proposed to me if you ever had any doubts about it. If you were ever going to take it back,”

MC:“You should have thought about it a little better.”

Yoosung ☆:“MC…”

Yoosung ☆:“I’m going to call you… Please answer”

MC:“lol”

MC:“No.”

MC:“If you weren’t ready to try to talk it out and fix it last night, I’m not sure that a couple hours is going to make a difference.”

Yoosung ☆:“MC, please.”

~MC has left the chatroom~

Yoosung ☆:*angry emoji*

Yoosung ☆:“Seven, I messed up.”

Jaehee

About a year after you started your business with Jaehee, your cafe stopped doing so great.

Every time you wanted to buy something that wasn’t food or some other 100% necessary thing, it was “not in budget.”

You understood Jaehee’s logic, but if it was going to create so much tension, maybe you guys should just cut your losses and close the cafe.

“Ugh, MC….” Jaehee sat with you at a table, surrounded by papers and a calculator. “I think we need to end this.”

You let out a soft sigh and began to get up from the table.

“You’re right. We can come back to this in the morning with fresh minds.”

“No, I mean permanently.”

You immediately put your butt back into the chair. “Oh.”

“And,” She sighed and pushed some hair out of her face. “Not, just, the business….”

“What…. What are you trying to say?”

“I think we need to cut our losses with this business and with this relationship.”

“Ah… I understand the cafe, but… I personally thought the relationship was going pretty well.”

“Well… MC, I’m sorry, but I don’t want to try to repair this relationship. I’ve lost interest in you. I hope you can find someone better suited to you.”

You let out a little laugh, trying to cover up your devastation.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me! Jaehee, we’ve been through so much shit together and you’re dumping me? Like nothing? Regardless of what state our business is in, we started it together! Does all of that mean nothing to you now?”

“MC, I’m not undermining anything you’ve done for me or anything we’ve been through together. I’m just no longer interested! Please understand what I’m trying to say.”

“What you’re trying to say is that once things stop working out for you, you want to drop it all and run. I thought that I was important to you.”

“That’s not-” She brought her hands up to rub against her temples. “You’re taking this to an extreme that I never meant for it to come to. Perhaps we should just get some rest and come back to this when we’re not so tired and frustrated.”

“Do you think that you’ll feel differently about it when we do come back to this?”

“Uh,” She wanted to entertain the idea to avoid seeing you too hurt, but she didn’t want to lead you on and hurt you worse. “no, MC. This is something I’ve thought about. I wouldn’t say something like this without having given it a lot of thought. It’s not anything that we can repair. I’m simply not interested in being with you anymore.”

“Shit. Alright. Okay. That’s- That’s bullshit, but okay. We can figure out what to do with the cafe and everything else in the morning.” You leaned back in your seat, rubbing your eyes, trying to keep your tears in.

“MC-”

You quickly wiped a tear off your face. “I’m fine.” You sniffed a bit. “Go to bed. I’ll sleep out here.”

You made your bed on the couch, but you couldn’t stop the tears.

After about an hour, you got desperate. You opened up the alcohol cabinet, grabbed whatever had the highest alcohol percentage, and went to town.

At some point during the night, you got too hot and wanted to go outside for some fresh air, but ended up calling Seven in a drunken haze.

He listened to you cry for half an hour before you fell asleep on the floor outside.

Jaehee had to literally pick you up and drag you back inside after she realized that you weren’t sleeping on the couch.

Jumin

Jumin started reverting to the way he used to act when you first met him, but it felt like such a severe change because of how quickly it happened.

He just sort of dropped it after dinner one day.

“MC, I’m breaking up with you.” were his exact words.

“W-what?”

“Do I really have to repeat myself?”

“N-no. I just… Why?”

“I think we can both find better people. People who better suit our needs.”

“Are you saying that I don’t suit your needs?” He only shrugged. “Fuck, are you serious??”

“Of course I am. Why would I say something like this if I wasn’t serious?”

“What- Why are you being like this??”

“Being like what,MC?”

“Like… Like a cold, emotionless douche! Jumin, I know that you’re not a robot and I know that you’re not an asshole, so why are you acting like this?”

“MC, I’m still a bit lost.”

“Jumin, you know damn well that you’re breaking my heart.”

“That was not my intention-”

“Shut the fuck up. You knew what you were doing the moment you even thought about breaking up with me.”

He started to talk over you, probably just to try to get you to lower your voice. He only made you louder in the process.

“You know that you can’t force me to love you, MC?”

“Obviously. But would it kill you to show some emotion?! Or at the very least stop acting like you don’t understand what’s going on!”

“I’m being completely honest with you, MC. I don’t know why you’re making this such a big deal.”

“You don’t know wh…. Did you ever actually love me? I guess I’d understand if your feelings just faded, but is there not even a little sliver of emotion you still hold for me, Jumin?” He didn’t say anything.

“Oh my god.” You let out a laugh as tears began to stream down your face. When he saw you crying, his frown became a bit more genuine, but he did nothing to try to comfort you. “Oh my god.”

You grabbed your coat and started walking towards the door.

“Where the hell are you going?”

“Do you really care, Jumin??”

“Of course-”

The door slammed in his face.

You couldn’t help but sob as you passed the security guards and completely dismissed Driver Kim as he offered you a ride to wherever you were set on going.

You stopped by a gas station and grabbed a bottle of cheap Vodka, then went over to Rika’s apartment in hopes that you could crash there for a bit.

You already had a six missed calls from Jumin when you finally got around to checking your phone, and the chatroom notifications were going off like crazy.

You took a couple of drinks straight out of the bottle, immediately hating yourself for it.

After an hour, you lost a game of will and went into the chatroom that was currently going.

Zen and Jumin were fighting, presumably over the current situation involving you.

~MC has entered chatroom~

MC: “You two aee really goin at it huh?”

ZEN: “MC, you’re okay!”

Jumin: “I presume you got to your destination safely?”

MC: “Safely”

MC: “Ya”

MC: “Like u rly care tho lol”

Jumin: *… emoji*

ZEN: “So now that you’re both here and we know that MC is okay… An explanation please?”

Jumin: “I already told you. MC took something I said too far. It’s just a case of her being overly dramatic.”

Jumin: “Everything will be okay again in the morning, I’m sure.”

MC: “I got fuvkign dunped lolol”

MC: “That’d what happpened”

MC: “I’m not beinh overly dramatic,”

MC: “Cold n douchey Jumin is bavk. Zen, u reserve the right ti complaain.”

ZEN: “MC are you drunk?”

MC: “lol ye”

Jumin: MC, you are safe, right?”

MC: “ye”

ZEN: “Seriously MC, you’re safe?”

MC: “I’m at hte apartnrnt.”

MC: “RikAs”

ZEN: “Good. Don’t leave. If you’re too drunk to type properly, I don’t want you around men like that.”

Jumin: “MC, please don’t do anything stupid.”

MC: “sh.”

MC: “If u nevr cared abt me before, u don’t get to stary now”

ZEN: “Dude”

ZEN: “Did you seriously say that you don’t care about her?”

ZEN: “Of course I didn’t.”

MC: “I asked n he didn’t answr”

MC: “Silence = confirfmantion”

MC: “Anyway”

MC: “I’m feelinf a liiitle sleepy”

MC: “See u later”

~MC has left chatroom~

Chatrooms and RFA parties were definitely awkward after that because you two never actually made up.

The whole thing just hovers over everyone’s shoulders and they try their best to ignore it.

707

He started acting really weird out of nowhere.

Just, one day he wasn’t comfortable with you touching him and he stayed as far away from you as possible.

It scared the shit out of you because everyone remembers the last time he tried to push you away,

One day, he told you that he thinks you should move back into Rika’s apartment, just for a little while. He said he wanted to “take a break.”

“For… how long?”

“I don’t know.”

“So… You’re just.. Kicking me out and you don’t know for how long?”

“MC, don’t make it like that.”

“I’m not making it like anything. I’m asking for clarification. Is this a permanent thing?”

“If it is?”

“Then I’d like to fucking know, dude!”

“God, okay. I was trying figure out if we should separate permanently. That’s why I wanted something temporary; so I could think! But with the thinking I’ve gotten done lately, a permanent breakup is what it’s looking like.”

“You…. You’re fucking kidding?”

He didn’t give much of a response. He only shrugged.

“Are you…. Is this not even difficult for you?! Why have you been so desperate to get away from me lately??”

You could tell that he was struggling with something and trying to keep his emotions under lock, but he wasn’t doing very well at it.

“Don’t you want to try to work this out instead of pushing me away?? What we have is too valuable to just throw away!”

“I agree with you, MC. That’s why I said I wanted time.”

“Saeyoung, we have to talk this out and work together. Pushing me away for the sake of ‘more time’ is not going to help…. But you should know that.”

“Why are you trying to fight me on this?”

“Why am I trying to…..? Saeyoung!? Because I love you! I don’t want you to push me away again!”

“I don- Too bad. Go home.”

“Home? This is home.”

“No it’s not.” His tone got firmer and he turned away from you. “Go. Home.”

The relationship the two of you established together was never the best.

He was too caring to tell you that he wasn’t satisfied with you, but you could always tell.

During an argument one night, he let it slip that he could never love you as much as he loved Rika.

Your expression went blank and he was suddenly scurrying to fix his mistake, but you weren’t having it.

“I just can’t believe that you’re really that dissatisfied with me… If you could really never love me as much as I love you, why did you ever lead me to believe it?! Why didn’t you ever decide that maybe giving me this false hope was a bad idea??” You were on the verge of tears and you’d forgotten what you were arguing about before.

He kept trying to climb out of this hole that he’d dug himself into, but there was no way to fix this.

“You’re right…. You’re right and I’m so sorry.”

“You can’t apologize your way out of this one, V.”

“Then I won’t. MC, I’ve lead you on for too long already. I hope you understand that I never meant to do this maliciously; I really hoped that stronger feelings would develop. I’ll stop leading you on right now.”

“So, are you breaking up with me?” He nodded. “Thanks. It took long enough.”

You left his house before you started crying too hard, after he was done trying to convince you to not do anything regrettable, and thought of where to go. Your actual home was a good option, but there was so much to do in Rika’s apartment.

Once you got to the apartment, you entered the chatroom currently going with Seven, V, and Yoosung.

MC: “Seven, do me a favor?”

707: “What can I do for you, MC?”

MC: “Turn off the special security system for me.”

V: “MC? Come back to my place. We can talk. I told you not to do anything you’d regret.”

MC: “I kept out of the shit in this apartment out of respect for you, Jihyun.”

MC: “I’m sick of the secrets and I’m sick of the lies.”

Yoosung ☆: “MC, you should stay out of Rika’s stuff. She had the security system put in place for a reason.”

707: “Yeah. MC, I can’t turn off the special security system. You know that.”

MC:“Well I’m not gonna let that stop me.”

707: “MC, you know what happens if you open the drawers.”

707: *explosion photo*

MC: “Yes.”

MC: “Are you turning it off or not?”

707: “MC, I can’t.”

MC: “Okay.”

V: “MC, just come back. I’m sorry. I’ll come pick you up.”

Seven immediately got an alert on his phone and computer, stating that the Special Security System had been activated.

A few seconds after that, he heard an explosion come from a few miles away, and then emergency vehicles after that.

707: “I can’t believe she actually did it.”

Unknown

“You’re boring. You can’t give me what I want. I don’t know why the Savior wanted you here. Why did I want you here?”

As he began to walk past you, tears began to well up in your eyes. You’d gotten used to the emotional abuse by now, but something about this was different.

“You used to be exciting, MC. You used to be obedient and beautiful, but now…. I have no use for you now, MC.”

“W-what? What is that supposed to mean?” Your hands were shaking.

“Ah, now that’s what I like to see. Too bad you waited this long….”

“Saeran, what are you talking about?”

“I’ve grown tired of you. But don’t look so sad. I’m sure The Savior will have some use for you. You may still prove to be a great asset to Mint Eye.”

#mystic messenger headcanons #unknown #v #707 #jumin han #jaehee kang #zen #yoosung kim #hyun ryu #I KEEP GETTING CARRIED AWAY WITH THESE AND THEY KEEP GETTING SUPER LONG RIP #also i did it as unknown instead of saeran oops #i just cant imagine my boy making us angsty #i couldnt do that to myself im sorry #mod yoosung

320 notes · View notes