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coridallasmultipass · 2 days

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Vent personal medical long post

So the shit week continues. No new painkillers, i took the last expired hydrocodone, so if im still in pain tomorrow im gonna have to cut a morphine in half and see if i can tolerate it (i took a whole 15mg one on sunday when my back pain first went out, and while it helped it was way too much painkiller and i got so nauseous. The hydrocodone is 1/3 of the morphine dose, and i dont know how to cut this tiny fucking morphine pill into 3. I dunno if its even big enough to be cut in half!!)

The specialist did get me a back xray which was normal (as expected), and physical therapy, which is good, except i can only attend if i get an appointment within 2 weeks, because after that i wont have a ride, and the distance to walk there is 2.5 miles steep downhill (fine. Ive done that walk before. It would suck because of the pain.) But coming back home after the appointment would be 2.5 miles steep uphill when im probably extremely sore and can barely walk after physical therapy (has always been the case whenever ive gone to pt) and i dont think i can fucking do 5 miles. I can hardly walk the stairs in my house. (Warned u bout the stairs dogg) The occasional 3 mile round trip that i do to go to the post office when i dont have access to a car is bad enough that it puts me out of commission, especially bc its all uneven terrain no sidewalks.

I tried calling anyway and its voicemail so theyre probably at lunch right now. But it still sucks. Im so fucking tired of this.

I hate having to rely on other people - doctors or family. I hate having to make and attend so many appointments. And im not even fucking doing everything i need to. I saw this pt place has pain management (i didnt think there was any in this area so i gave up on that) so i can try asking for that too, but again, thats more appointments i need to coordinate, and last time i did pain management they basically said "see a psychiatrist for antidepressants or try medical marijuana bc we cant do anything else for you" lmao (i did the mm despite never having tried it before. It helps but its not enough lol). My current psychiatrist has exhausted every medical option for my depression. So its either they give me painkillers or something else idk what, or i just stay home and continue to suffer.

And thats a whole nother thing the rheumatologist today was like "oh why did you stop antidepressants if youre in so much pain??" My duDE I WAS SO MISERABLE AND COULDNT DO ANYTHING AT ALL. FOR FIVE FUCKING YEARS. Once i stopped antidepressants, i was able to start exercising regularly, i started drawing and writing with more enjoyment (had not drawn with regularity since 2019!!), i am more present in life, like... doing antidepressants was the worst fucking 5 years of my life. None of them helped my depression, they only made me worse. I tried every branch of them and not a single one helped. Im still fucking depressed and anxious as shit taking methylphenidate but hard evidence points to it being a great help compared with anything else ive ever taken. God that fucking "treatment resistant depression" diagnosis was the worst fucking thing. Theres like nothing else to try except super niche experimental treatments that insurance wont cover and they dont accept secondary insurance (which is the one that i could probably get to cover a new treatment but it takes a lot of coordination on both parties, like what im doing for my tmj problems and getting aligners). Ughhh. I dont wanna fucking do experimental shit either. Unless someone wants to donate me an ayahuasca vacation or something lmao. (Joke, i dont have a passport and i dont wanna pause all my other meds)

It sucks that none of my medical problems are treatable. I got permanent depression/anxiety/ocd/whatever other things that are undiagnosed despite my requests for testing. Permanent endometriosis (no cure and my body isnt accepting the medical or sugical treatments). Lifelong teeth problems (unknown if this new treatment will help my teeth or jaw yet but like.. arthritis is also lifelong and damage is damage). Arthritis thats lifelong but Mostly managed, at least during warm seasons. Permanent untreatable fibromyalgia (the antidepressants are the only medical treatment for it and never helped with pain, maybe even made it worse, and no one wants to give me painkillers anymore since like 2015. Sucks that old people can get painkillers like candy but because im young and hide my pain really well i get treated like an addict. My mom was like 'your gramma gets painkillers all the time!!' Yeah but im not in my 70s. Theres age bias here.) I got chronic untreated gerd (well, i take otc meds, and my attempts to treat it got canceled bc thats when covid was rampant, and the doc stopped prescribing me stronger meds bc i hadnt seen him in a while, bUT I LITERALLY COULDNT GET IN BC OF COVID. I just dont eat any of my favourite acidic foods anymore. I miss tomatoes. Sometimes i gotta eat them and just triple up on 3 different antacids and deal with the sore throat the next day). Well, was gonna say i got chronic insomnia but thats probably the only thing thats fully treated by 2 meds and sometimes weed. (But like. Im a nightowl. Its just that i have to fit in with society to get up in the morning for appointments. I have that like delayed body clock issue lol. So in a way it kind of is still a chronic issue, but at least im getting a full night of sleep when the body pain isnt extreme.)

But yeah. It sucks to be me. Dunno where im going w this post. Its just so frustrating when youre telling the doctor you're in constant pain and hes like 'i know. See you in a couple months.' Rheumatologists are supposed to treat fibro. But i always get hot potatoed to the next doctor. Like i get it, i am untreatable, but someone please do something! Ugh. Like theres really no options besides painkillers or weed, and i can only use weed in the evenings bc my family doesnt approve (literally said the most vile shit when i mentioned the pain clinic recommended it), plus cant use it if im gonna drive somewhere - in theory, i dont have a license lol but the point is i shouldnt have to take an intoxicant during the day!! Painkillers at the lowest dose do not intoxicate me, and in fact, make me more lucid bc it lifts the fucking fog of pain!! Wish doctors would understand how much they helped me in the past. When i was on the combo of painkillers and the arthritis med im on now, i was literally going for jogs every fucking day. I have proof of it. I probably couldnt do that now bc im a lot heavier and a lot sicker, but the point is i can be more active if im not in pain, and being active helps both the arthritis and fibro! Ughhhh.

Online is like "painkillers have not been shown to help fibro" bull fucking shit. Maybe im an odd one out. But ive been diagnosed since i was 12 and fit the fucking symptoms. They fucking help and ive been off them for so many fucking years now while all my health has deteriorated. Do you know how miserable it is to find out you have fibromyalgia affecting the nerves around your teeth? On top of my tmj problems!! I can barely eat anything since starting the aligners because my mouth is in too much pain!!

The only thing painkillers havent helped was the fucking endometriosis, which ironically, is the only reason i even have painkillers on hand for my back injury.

And god fuck i do not want to think abt the endo. Theres no quality of life when im panicking every day about when the next flare up is gonna happen. Theres no hope there bc theres no treatment that works for me. I already had a hysto but it was probably too late since the endo spread. Idk if im gonna survive the next flare. Especially because i have to stop taking the med that was possibly helping since ive been on it too long. The doctors ive been seeing have just been like "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it" which is just causing more anxiety because the bridge is like. This next month. Whenever theres a flare up, i have to stop ALL my arthritis meds just so i can take advil since thats the only thing that provides me some relief (and thats terrifying bc advil has given me an ulcer before! Because of taking it during a period and i was in too much pain to sit up for 10 minutes after taking it. Fuck endo.) Idk what to do.

Anyway. Thats the sitch. Ill try calling for pt again since this took a while to type. If theyre still closed, well, i guess ill just go fuck myself.

#personal #vent #long post #delete later / /#Cori.exe #Post.exe #medical

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yaysandnays · 1 year

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recovering documentation

this blog is another branch off of @ohmygodletmesignup (the other one being @amethyst-beetle ). i made this blog to document my process of recovering. i suppose this post will be my little introduction.

TW for mental illness, sh, and su!c!dal thoughts discussion

hi. i'm Calisto (Cal) or Beetle (Bee). i'm 16 years old and writing this on 4/2/2023 (or on april third if you give me a few more minutes). i'm currently trying to recover from depression, anxiety, and what i've been told is likely ptsd. i'm going to give an extremely watered down version of how i ended up with all those.

---------------

basically, before 7th grade started (i was 12ish), my mom, sister, and i moved to a whole new place bc of a job offer my mom got. that meant i had to start a new school, and the only good schools in the area were private catholic schools. so i went to one. now i was raised some flavor of christian, so catholisim wasn't too bad for me (at first). but everything quickly went downhill.

i made one extremely toxic friend after two weeks of extreme anxiety, and she didnt help my mental health in the least. after about a year with her, i was constantly on the verge of having panic attacks. literally every single day.

then, in 8th grade, my school made an openly homophobic move. i was questioning my sexuality at the time, and this didnt help.

finally, at the end of 9th grade, we moved back to our old town where we still live today. i was 15.

finally i could actually be openly transgender (trans guy, he/him) and bisexual for the first time ever. my anxiety and depression disappeared so quickly it was shocking. but some things stuck, things i didnt even know.

it was mild at first- and i didnt even know anything was wrong. sometimes i would be walking down the hall of my new school and see someone who looked similar to someone at my old school. it would make me question things, and i wouldnt be able to figure out where i was. it was a pretty easy fix though, just a few minutes and i'd be fine.

then it got so much worse.

i was in choir, and it's a tradition we sing hallelujah every year (though since it was my first year there, i didn't know lol). so our director gives us the music, and just reading the words makes me start to bounce my leg (something that means im either energetic or anxious). then we started singing. and i couldn't handle it.

i started shaking, a lot, and i had to tell the director whilst on the verge of tears that i couldnt do it. he excused me and i spent the rest of class in another room just trying to calm myself down.

'you're safe' 'you're ok' 'you're safe i promise' is what i told myself over and over and over again.

during the concert when we got to that song, i was excused.

then my mom tried taking my sister and i to a christmas mass a few weeks later. i lasted five minutes before i had to go to the bathroom where i spent the rest of the hour sobbing through a panic attack, trying to convince myself i was ok.

----------------------------

TLDR: catholic school, toxic friend, religious trauma

so that's what happened, now here's where i am.

i haven't hurt myself in over a year, maybe two now, and it's been at least a year since i've had a suicidal thought. i've found a lot of my triggers and can avoid them too, which is nice. i havent had a relgious trauma fueled panic attack in a while. i also have a therapist who listens to me.

i think it's also important i set some goals for myself too. and i think two are good for now.

write a post when i get unstable so i dont do anything bad

update this blog at least once every two weeks

i also want to make this blog for people going through the same things im going through now or went through. i promise it'll get better, and we can do it together.

#ptsd #mental health #another blog #vent kinda #tw #tw sh #tw su1cide #tw ptsd #religous trauma #we'll be okay #it gets better #tw anxiety #anxiety #tw depression #depression

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crowberri · 2 years

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ocs…? 👀 dnd….?? 👀👀 wizard bebes…??? 👀👀👀 yes hello I would love to know more

😳 thank you for being interested,,, I will gladly tell you about my wizard bebes,,, Its going to be a very long ramble I hope you’re up for it- (putting it under a :readmore: bc i dont wanna flood ppl’s dashboards hh)

Ive uploaded some of these drawings already but im using them again— SO This is the character I play, her name is Liana and she’s a little socially anxious :)) Her hat of disguise is very important to her, being a gift from her step father and the thing that keeps her from having an anxiety attack in the middle of the street bc she’s very scared of showing her true self as a tiefling (ahaha traumatic experiences go brrr)

(I drew her with short hair here but her hair is long and usually braided) Liana is stubborn enough to run away from the comforts of the Rheinhurst Academy (big important wizard academy, currently trying to become independent from the kingdom it’s located in) to find her supposedly dead mother (haha thing tied to traumatic experience tm).

Her upbringing isn’t exactly noble or anything, so the only reason she could attend at all is because her father is a wizard and an archeologist who was competent enough to be hired as a professor there, and this idiot decides to abandon her education, her father and little brother and risk her life to find someone who she isn’t even sure lives at all.

Despite being a wizard, she’s proficient in short swords bc her step dad trained her during her free time. Good for self defense bc my DM likes to have enemies who run up to our faces and it makes sense lore wise so my DM allowed it - it’s not like she’s going to use it much lmao d6 hit dice isn’t great for melee combat :’)))

Her subclass is Order of the Scribes, so her casting focus is her spellbook and she draws her spells with her quill :D (you can see the Witch Hat Atelier inspo so clear lmao—). Her spells look very similar to her fathers (which i will explain a bit later), but i do plan on her branching out from that, depending on where the campaign goes and how she develops as a character.

This is my second wizard bebe- He’s Liana’s step father, and his name is Ellios. He met Liana’s mother during his travels after he was exiled from his noble family, but it wasn’t until a few years after Liana was born they had a romantic relationship (it’s complicated hhhh). Most people who ever interact with him would think that he’s your usual arrogant shithead high elf but truth is he’s just very depressed and emotionally damaged :’)) ((he used to be such a sweet person before things happened aha ha-.

The neck bands hides something that brings back memories he’d rather not experience again - although sometimes they still pop up in during his trans and it’s not pleasant haha—

Ellios used to and still researches the Hollow (our version of the Feywild— we changed stuff from DnD canon. It’s an extremely under explored place, anyone who goes in there is never seen again. Random portals form from holes in unpopulated places (like tree holes and doorways) and with that plants and creatures come to the material plane from the hollow. Ellios studies whatever comes out of it.).

He’s always been working for Rheinhurts Academy on and off since his exile, only after his wife was executed by a kingdom with policies against tieflings (their army took over the town they lived in) he started working there full time, bringing his children with him as the academy offers work, education and safety.

His subclass is bladesinger, and his weapon of choice is a rapier (i drew a short sword here bc backhanding a rapier is lowkey stupid lmao) His rapier is enchanted, given to him by his family during his adulthood ceremony (shortly before he was exiled hh).

Being a bladesinger means his magic revolves around a lot of teleporting (hit and run basically, once again d6 hit die sucks :’)), but other than that his magic leans towards ice attacks, though he does have other elements of damage so he isn’t completely fucked against ice resistant / immune creatures. The appearance of his magic is inspired by the wild yet beautiful patterns you find in nature. However recently his spells became more and more plain as he stopped putting in the extra effort into it.

(He’s more of a workaholic than an alcoholic but sometimes he’s just too tired to work so booze it is-)

And so after Liana decided to dip, his mental health declined so much that one time he decided to just work for 50+ hrs straight to distract himself from the anxiety, to the point where he just passed out when talking to the principle (they’re friends, he made sure this 192cm tall man didn’t hit his head when falling). Ellios couldn’t leave to find his daughter bc he has a 7 year old to take care of (they do have a hired maid but he can’t just a ba n don him-).

There are investigators sent out trying to find Liana, but she recognizes their clothing and spell style from a mile away + she has a hat of disguise so investigation has been unsuccessful.

#this is only a fraction of everything i have but i dont think it’s appropriate to dump an entire essay of lore into one post fhsdjkf #and also i hit image limit :’)) i have so much more art of them just piled up in my gallery fjisdfk #I wrote more lore for Ellios than Liana and i dont even play him #tbf he is ~160 and Liana is like 16 #I have a whole ass mind map documenting Ellios’ lore and it is fucking huge #it’s not even done o(-(#zhenni.png #zhenni.txt #oc #dnd #lore dump

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formeforthemforyou · 3 years

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Could I get some nsfw leech twins x reader? AFAB reader if possible, thank you!

tweels my beloveds,,,,, idk if you wanted branch poly or them seperate so I did both! mainly bc im tweel thirsty tho lol also kink warnings under the cut bc i dont want minors going what does that word mean? and looking them up 💀

Warnings: 18+ Content under the cut Minors DNI or you will be blocked, female pronouns used, further warning underneath

Warnings: biting, bdsm, overstimulation, orgasm denial, period sex, double dutch in ur guts double penetration, dacryphilia, consensual voyeurism, branch poly w twins and i think thats it : ) wait no also voice kink mention

JADE LEECH 🐬

okay first things first man is the type to get jealous but tuck it all away until the next time you two are intimate when it all comes out as punishment for "teasing" him and if you try and deny it unless you safeword him jade will drag out the orgasm denial until you apologise to your master

is obsessed with the sight of you wrapped up in ropes, silks, scarves whatever you name it chances are he has secret fantasies about draping them over you all artistically in the most pleasurable of ways

BIG on marking you all over the place but especially in spots that while they aren't obvious at first glance are still extremely hard for you to cover without his help or without making it obvious that you are in fact hiding something

fond of whispering what he'd like to do to you later into your ear in a low voice and watching as squirm embarrassed that any nearby merfolk or beastfolk probably can smell how aroused jade is making you with just his words and a gentle touch to your waist

his favourite place to mark you up is definitely on your boobs jade just likes to admire the way your nipples perk up as plays and bites at the flesh around them just barely grazing the nipple before all of a sudden his tongue is flat against your clit and jerking you straight into your third orgasm of the night

FLOYD LEECH 🦈

loves loves LOVES to squeeze you tight against him in anyway he can manage while dragging his teeth all over you floyd is determined to mark you up so bad you can't hide it with anything and if you try and put a scarf on to cover any floyd will just take it off of you if it isn't cold outside 💙

when he first found out about your period and how orgasm can relieve pain floyd dragged you back to his dorm room and spent all day long eating you out overstimulating you and praising you at how great his shrimpy tastes!

doesn't see the appeal in toys or ropes floyd would much rather hold you down himself and make you feel what you could be having if you would just beha~ve but floyd also doesn't use orgasm denial much against you unless he's feeing jealous or insecure otherwise he just wants to make you cum until you're crying and begging him to take a break

likes to make you masturbate in front of him and watch the way you squirm, with your boobs bouncing slighting while you tear up in embarrassment just makes floyd want to pounce on you and gobble you up! you never do manage to cum before hes got you pinned underneath him and your fingers in his mouth licking off your fluids with a big toothy grin

floyd is usually babbling praises about how great his shrimpy is and how nice it feels to have you be wrapped and squeezing so tightly around him one hand around your waist pressing you right up against him while the other is ruthlessly abusing your clit and staring adoringly at the way your face scrunches up in pleasure and pain as you cry and sob his name

BRANCH POLY 🐬 & 🦈

honestly? they treat it as a competition on who can make you cum, cry, beg, plead just generally make the most noise more so uh good luck lol

one minute you could have jade murmuring the most obscene things in yours ears while his hands fondle your breasts and the next all you can focus on is the way floyd is eating you out as if he was a man starved and you were a feast layed out on a buffet table all for him

they like to see how much of the both of them inside you at once you can take before you start sobbing from the pleasure of having your lovers so deep inside of you while one is playing with your boobs and the other teasing your clit with a sharp nail

the harder you end up scratching their backs or wherever you get a hold of them the harder jade and floyd pound into you loving and obsessed with the way you sound wailing gibberish that sounds vaguely like their names and praises of love

good luck getting away from these two with any skin free of marks lol some might be deep enough that the tweels have to smooth cream over them and place bandages atop the bites after your sessions but they never let you leave the bedroom without feeling absolutely pampered and spoiled whenever playtime gets a little too rough on your skin

and they would stop immediately without hesitation if you ever needed to use the safeword making sure to comfort and ease your wounds while one of them fetches you food, water and the first aid kit not to mention god forbid anyone imply they don't acknowledge the safeword haha not only will they have floyd going feral over being accused of mistreating his shrimpy jade will lay into them with words until they're a sobbing mess on the floor right before he unleashes floyd and whisks you away somewhere to wait for until floyds done taking out the trash : )

#jade leech #floyd leech #hcs #citrus #not for minors #queue for yuu #aaaaa the tweels make me awooga #twst x reader #twst imagines

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iclaimedtobethebetterbard · 2 years

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NOT A QUESTION ABT LORE but what r everyone's fave type of music / fav artists / etc . This is very important

oooooh this is a good question and i can probably not give it as good of an answer as it deserves because i grew up in a white evangelical community /neg and was basically not allowed to listen to anything but That Kind of worship music for the first like 14-16 years of my life. so since then i have been trying to figure out how normal-people listening to music works. i still haven’t really figured it out, i’ve just found a few artists that i like and i just kind of put them on repeat and am not sure how to go about regularly finding more new things i will enjoy. like. i listened to over 11,000 minutes of lil nas x last year. (which i am very proud of actually lol.) but like, that one artist was a full tenth of what i listened to the entire year.

[ask me questions abt the backstories/lore for my if you’re going my way, i’ll go with you fic]

answers in terms of general vibes below the cut, although i do not know enough about music as a whole to give really specific examples like u asked for i am sorry 😭 (if you have opinions on what they would listen to, you are Probably Correct and also I Would Like To Hear Them) (also cw allistic ableism mention):

so obviously virgil likes emo, because that’s the law when you write fanfiction with virgil in it lol /hj probably his tastes are a lot more expansive than just emo though. like you can tell that emo is kind of where he started out from, but he’s branched out a ton since his teenage years and he likes a bunch of different genres now.

logan i think likes anything that he can use as an audio stim. stuff with big loud strong rhythmic noises. technically i have not officially made him autistic in this fic but like. probably he is lol. im dragging my feet on talking about it in the fic a little bc,,, i feel like if random people in the fic’s universe find out he is autistic, they are definitely Super fast to draw incorrect connections between his supergenius power and the savant stereotype. which is gross and which logan haaaaates so much. i vaguely have a scene in my head of him like getting really annoyed by some ableist reporter talking to him on live tv and snapping that “actually i have only been a supergenius for 2/3 of my life. i have been autistic my entire life” but also like. ughhh i don’t want to put him through that. so im on the fence about talking about it in the fic or not. but yeah i think he really really likes audio stimming and is hyposensitive to audio in general (which also is part of why he likes to process his thoughts by speaking them aloud) so he likes music with lots of Noise in it.

patton mostly listens to Music Aimed At Little Kids. like disney soundtracks etc. plus anything child-appropriate that logan listens to, bc again, logan does not treat children that differently based on their being children and sees no reason to play entirely different music than normal when patton is around.

i don’t know what janus likes to listen to but i know it is very different from the like disney soundtracks and kidz bop or whatever that patton listens to (and that janus does also listen to because patton listens to it lol) (literally nobody is making them do this but they do it anyway and then complain about it a lot) (but only when patton is not around bc they don’t want to make him think they’re upset at him about it <3). possibly he is kind of snobby about his music taste? but like in a very oh-this-person-is-definitely-in-her-mid-20s way if that makes any sense (im not sure if it does). i have the least idea of what janus’s preferred music is tbh.

remus’s music taste,, again i don’t know what it is but i do know that you can Very Clearly tell that Oh This Man Is Extremely Mentally Ill from looking at what he chooses to listen to.

roman i think has honestly mostly not been allowed to listen to music basically at all up until now. like if his parents felt like listening to music, then he would have to listen to that, but he wasn’t ever really allowed to choose music or have any way to listen to it on his own. his experience with music has been whatever other people choose to play around him and that’s about it.

yeah!! those are the vibes!! i don’t really have a ton of specific genres or artists to name im very sorry 😭 but i am super open to hearing ideas for those if anyone has any!!

#peregrin said a thing #peregrin answers #if you're going my way i'll go with you #ghasper tag!!#iygmw lore

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sixtyeightdays · 4 years

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you reap what you sow

prompt from @mialuvscats : i hope this meets your expectations ! im sorry this took so long, i tried uploading it from my phone but it glitched and i could only get my hands on the computer today

i’d like to say that i think if sabine and mari are there, damian and talia willl be relatively looser and not as uptight . mari and sabine are cold but loving and sunshiney. they keep talia and damian in check, essentially. which is why i wrote them in to be loose and free but able to be openly happy when they want to be, even if they are only happy around each other.

with sabine here i also thinkt hat talia will be slightly easier on damian, which also ties to the fact that he will not be as cold and uptight.

talia will be a good mother in this fic bc i want her to be and itll be ooc but its okay its my fic anyway

and the timeline is kinda messed up and all over the place sorry

that aside, have fun reading and i hope you enjoy!

talia and sabine are best friends, and before most of the class joins francois, marinette ruled the school after coming to paris with sabine. mari and damian are betrothed and the two are best friends. they can be icy one minute and sunshiney the next, although the sunshiney part is more mari than damian.

maybe the waynes come to paris, bc if theyre in gotham the others wont really know if the queen is back, and theyre kinda unsure why marinette is being timid and very unlike her ice queen demeanor she sometimes uses. mari is closest to jason in terms of batfam because firstly maybe she cleanses jason of the lazarus pit after helping damian using tikki's creation magic to counteract plagg's destruction one. since the waynes are here theres no point in mari hiding her queen status anymore and queue lila reveal

Talia al Ghul and Sabine Cheng were an unlikely combination, but worked perfectly well.

The two women were extremely close. Sabine was almost as deadly as Talia, but she made up for it with her devious mindset. She was the one who steered Talia away from doing anything wrong --well more wrong than usual-- and the one who was assigned to dish out punishments to usurpers.

The two could read each other like open books, and hence, when both Talia and Sabine became pregnant, Talia one month before Sabine, the two knew immediately.

They had debated whether or not to have their kids be betrothed, and eventually decided to let their children make the final call when their kids were old enough to understand.

Nine months later, Marinette and Damian were born. In the League infirmary, an hour after the two were cleaned and left there to rest while their mothers did the same, the two had already grown rather close.

Their baby cribs were next to each other, and somehow they were staring at each other through the walls of the crib, and were making small grabby hands to the other.

When Talia and Sabine were sufficiently rested and came to pick up their children, they were slightly shocked, yet gratified by their children. Sabine smiled and draped an arm around Talia’s shoulder, smiling lazily.

“I guess they’ll be as close as their mothers, non?”

Talia smirked, and the two walked forwards, lifting their respective children in their arms and walking to their quarters.

The two mothers did not regret it. Their kids were enamoured with each other, practically joined at the hip.

By the time Marinette and Damian were 5, they had a very extensive vocabulary, since they had learned to speak Arabic, French and English. They were also extremely smart and skilled with weapons.

Marinette was extremely adept at using a yoyo. It seemed weird, I know. But when the League was stormed when she was 3, she had taken out 4 men with her yoyo alone. Since then, she had been teaching herself how to use the yoyo effectively.

Damian preferred to use a katana. He looked much scarier than Marinette, even if the two were the same age. He had found a natural talent in using blades, knives, katanas and daggers included.

Marinette was the Rain to Damian’s Fire.

She was the only one who could calm Damian down when he was mad, mad.

But make no mistake, Marinette could switch personalities in a heartbeat. She was one of the League’s most skilled interrogators at the age of 5.

After all, who would suspect a pigtailed 5 year old in pink to be scary?

Damian much preferred his stoic and icy attitude. The only people he ever let loose around was Marinette, Sabine, and Talia.

Talia and Sabine loved the children to an almost deadly extent, and the four were extremely overprotective of each other.

Marinette had taken to magic as well. She had been trained by many people in the League about sensing magic. Damian did not have the patience for magic and rituals.

Marinette knew Damian was more of a ‘attack first ask questions later’ type of fighter, a stark contrast to Marinette’s ‘i will curse you and you will suffer in agonising pain for the rest of your life’ preferred type of fighting.

She’d never really liked getting her hands dirty, hence the magic. Killing people with magic was so much cleaner.

Sabine and Marinette had to leave for Paris when she was 9. For what, she wasn’t sure, but regardless of the distance, she and Damian constantly traded calls and letters. They would never go even a day without contact.

They were staying with one of Sabine’s old friends. His name was Tom Dupain, and he was an old wrestler and had worked with the League before. He and Sabine pretended to be married and Marinette’s name had hence became Marinette Dupain Cheng.

Damian and Talia stayed at the League, although all of them knew that Damian was to meet his birth father when he turned 10.

Marinette adapted her icy demeanor in Paris, never wanting anyone to get as close as she was with Damian.

A few hours in, walking around Paris, she had met an elderly man in a red Hawaiian shirt, emitting the aura of magic. She had confronted him, and eventually, he opened up to her about the Miraculous. Tikki, the Ladybug kwami, and Plagg, the Black Cat kwami had taken a liking to her.

Marinette was apparently something called a True User, a reincarnation of the first Ladybug miraculous wielder. Plagg just rather liked the aura of death and chaos she apparently gave off, from the League.

She and the other Kwamis also had a rather amicable relationship, and she’d go to the ends of the Earth for the tiny gods, and vice versa.

The elderly man, named Fu, had also started to train her into becoming the new Guardian of the Miraculous.

Before, Marinette had been planning on laying low and not drawing atention to herself, but once she had beaten up two upperclassmen for bullying her classmate and somewhat accquaintance Nino, she had been fiercely regarded by both the students and faculty.

As a result, she eventually grew close to Nino, and his friends, Kim, Alix and Chloe. She only ever let down her icy demeanour around them, showing the bright and bubbly girl persona she kept hidden. She wasn’t as close to them as she was to Damian, but they were all still quite close friends.

It wasn’t long after that Marinette became the queen of her school, at the tender age of 10, earning her title as the Ladybug. Or, as Chloe liked to put it, the Lady, because she was lucky enough to ‘get a friend like her’.

Marinette didn’t protest. She rather liked Ladybugs, and besides, it was ironic and it reminded her a little of Damian, who sometimes liked to call her his Maribug. Because she was sometimes a pest, he deadpanned. Marinette had whacked him with a pillow.

Everyone in the school feared the Ladybug. No one knew anything of her past. She was a mystery, an enigma that no one could solve. When new students came in after Marinette turned 14, everyone was slightly shocked to see their Lady change.

She was much more bubbly and approachable. Word had spread around that Marinette, the Lady, was trying a clean slate for the new kids. After all, not everyone should fear her.

Probably.

School eventually returned to what it was like before Marinette became the Lady, although she did still rule the school, she did it much more subtly, with more restraint and secrecy.

One of the new kids, Alya, had taken a liking to her. Marinette did not like her very much, she was loud and clingy and drew a lot of unwanted attention.

Marinette and her old crew, who had playfully called themselves her Consorts before the name stuck, had split up temporarily, to cover more ground and spread their branches.

Chloe was to pretend to be Marinette’s bully, Kim and Alix rivals, and Nino a shy recluse. They had had a good laugh about it beforehand, before watching Moana, because Kim wanted to compare the size of his muscles to Maui’s.

None of them had accounted for Adrien Agreste, who had tried to get the gum off Marinette’s seat like the naive, sheltered boy he was. Marinette had admittedly gotten mad at him for screwing up a perfectly good plan, before ramping up her ice persona to like, a 2/10, to get the newbies off her scent and scare Adrien away.

It hadn’t worked, because the boy was apparently as stubborn as he was naive. But besides that, Alya had been really grating on Marinette’s nerves, especially since she was convinced that Marinette had a crush on the model. It was not true, of course.

Honestly, Marinette thought dryly, as Alya dragged her all over the place to.. somewhere, she wasn’t even sure anymore. But frankly, she didn’t particularly care. Honestly, the only boy she’d probably ever have a crush on would be Damian.

Not that she’d ever admit it.

When Marinette and Damian turned 10, she and Sabine had taken a plane to Gotham to meet up with Damian.

Damian had not been having a good time. He was very much unwanted here, that was clear.

Grayson seemed to be the only one trying to interact with him. His father, had been trying his best to stay out of Damian’s way, which he reciprocated. Todd was flat out ignoring him and Drake just seemed to be busy all the time.

After all, who would want to interact with a grumpy 10 year old assassin?

He missed Marinette.

It was the day Todd finally tried to open up to Damian, that Marinette had arrived. No one had told him that she was finally meeting him again for the first time in a year. Sabine had left Marinette to figure out where Damian was on her own. She was more than capable of it.

With a quick scrying spell, she found him, and Kaalki opened a portal headed in the direction of Wayne Manor.

Meanwhile, Damian just appreciated the fact that Todd was finally extending an olive branch. He was lonely.

It hurt seeing his father care for everyone in the manor apart from him.

He had been walking along the gardens in the manor. Todd had joined him.

“Listen, I know it’s hard to feel accepted here. Sometimes, I do.” Jason gazed wistfully at the sky above him.

Damian was unsure of where the ex-Robin was getting at, so he just kept quiet. It wasn’t as if Damian didn’t know who Jason Todd was. Before he had come to the manor with Talia, he had read the Waynes’ files. In addition, Damian had known of Jason while he was affiliated with the League. They had never talked, or interacted, but he had known of the elder boy.

“I just, uh, wanted you to know that if you ever need anything, you can come to me.” He finished lamely, running a hand in his hair.

Damian opened his mouth, then closed it, hesitating. “Thank you, Ja--Todd. I will.” He settled on saying dryly.

Jason visibly relaxed and cracked a miniscule smile. There was a sudden ‘swoosh’ sound, and both Jason and Damian turned around, bodies automatically going on the defensive.

Stumbling out of Alfred’s rose bushes, trodding on a few accidentally, was Marinette.

“Angel!” Damian exclaimed, moving forwards to help her forwards.

She brushed her shoulders off, looking around before freezing, staring at something behind him.

“Jay?”

“Pixie?” He asked, sounding incredulous.

Marinette rushed forward and wrapped him in a tight embrace. Jason laughed and hugged her back, chuckling.

Damian quashed down the bubbling feeling of rage in the pit of his stomach and settled for casting a frosty glance in their direction. Not that they noticed, since they were too busy embracing each other, Damian thought scornfully.

The two pulled apart after too long in Damian’s opinion, laughing.

“Angel? How do you know Todd?” Damian asked coldly, ever so protective.

If Jason noticed the sudden reversion to his surname instead of his first, he didn’t say anything.

“Oh, he came to Paris with Lia once and I cleansed him of the Lazarus pit madness, like I did with you.” She replied.

“What are you doing here?” Jason asked. Damian had forgotten about that.

“Visiting, of course!” She winked. “Now, let’s give your old man a good scare.” She pecked Damian on the cheek before vanishing. (Thanks, Trixx.)

Jason and Damian looked to each other. “Did you know she could do that?” Jason questioned. Damian shook his head before pausing.

“Wait.. how did she get into the manor?”

The only response was the faint echo of a laugh.

It was time for dinner anyway, and only Damian, Jason, and Alfred knew of Marinette’s presence. Marinette had voluntary evelaed herself to the elderly butler after noticing his aura.

It was Miraculous tainted. If Marinette could guess, he had been either one of Duusu’s, Sass’s, or Nooroo’s.

When the butler had retired to the kitchen alone, Marinette had unraveled Trixx’s magic veiling her and waved at the butler.

To hi credit, he didn’t so much as bat an eye before his eyes widened as he took her in. Marinette cut to the chase.

“Who was your kwami?” Alfred had surveyed her for a second before seemingly trusting her.

“Duusu.” He answered.

Marinette smiled. “I’m Tikki’s.” From her perch in Marinette’s left pigtail, the red Kwami pried open the folds of her hair, waving once at Alfred before sinking back into the recesses of the bluenette’s locks.

Alfred blinked. Once. Twice. “I’m presuming you’re staying for dinner?”

Marinette beamed. “I’m gonna scare the big bat.” Alfred nodded, accepting this. Marinette clapped her hands and she disappeared again. Alfred shook his head, smiling faintly.

Conveniently, it was one of the times where everyone was there. Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian. Rare these days, what with Dick in Bludhaven, Tim at WE, and Jason off being Jason.

Bruce was currently on his way back from WE, although it would take around half an hour. He had told everyone to start eating first. Perfect.

After Marinette’s encounter with Alfred, she had reappeared in Damian’s room, where she and Damian caught up. Just like old times.

She had disappeared again once she left the room, and Damian wasn’t entirely sure where she went.

Alfred set the the table as per normal, which Damian and Jason noticed right away. They looked to Alfred, who merely winked before stepping back into the kitchen and laying out the food.

There was a screech of a chair as Marinette, disguised as Bruce (Trixx in her right pigtail and Tikki in the left) sat down. Dick looked startled.

“I thought you wouldn’t be back till later!” Dick exclaimed.

Mari-Bruce shrugged. “Faster than I’d expected.” She answered, securing the veil of Trixx’s magic around her vocal chords, making her voice sound exactly like Bruce’s.

Jason inched away slightly from Bruce, though she pretended not to notice.

Alfred nodded at her as he reentered the room.

Everyone dug in, occasionally talking. It had been about 25 minutes before the sound of the door opening could be heard. Damian and Jason’s head shot up, thinking it was Marinette.

Mari-Bruce smirked. Showtime.

Bruce entered the room, not noticing Mari at first. Until the batboys gaped at him. He looked confused. What--?

Mari-Bruce was a pretty great actress. “Who are you?” She thundered, internally laughing.

“Who are you? I’m Bruce Wayne.” He answered, looking befuddled and frustrated.

“Impostor.” Mari-Bruce accused.

Bruce spluttered. “No! I’m the real Bruce!”

Mari-Bruce scoffed. “That’s what an impostor would say.”

Damian and Jason seemed to figure it out, although they probably weren’t sure which Bruce was the real one yet.

Tim rubbed his eyes. “Am I seeing double, or?”

Bruce said, “Ask me something the real Bruce would know.”

Dick looked torn, but did as requested. “Who murdered your parents?”

“Joe Chill.” They both said at the same time. Mari-Bruce and Bruce winced, selling the act.

“When’s my birthday?” Tim asked.

“July 17th.” Both Bruces answered.

Tim looked surprised. “You actually know my birthday?”

“No shit, Tim.” Mari-Bruce said, rolling their eyes. She rather wanted to proceed to the next part of her plan.

“Would I say that to you, Tim?” Bruce asked slightly desperately.

“Maybe?”

Bruce facepalmed. In the confusion, Mari took the chance to slink into the shadows where she rewrapped Trixx’s invisible magic around her.

Only Damian noticed. He smirked. “Where did he go?” He asked, placing a hand on the hilt of his katana for emphasis. He didn’t see Marinette smile at him.

Everyone looked panicked. “Search the manor.” Bruce ordered.

Jason still looked slightly skeptical but did as he said. Damian drew his katanas and tilted it in the direction he was going.

Amongst everyone, Bruce was the most attacked. While Jason and Damian paired off, Tim and Dick did as well, ("Don’t go alone!” Was Bruce’s admonished cry), Bruce had gone alone.

If she were being honest, Marinette had always had a grudge against the billionaire. He hadn’t saved his son, he had tried to kill his son, even though he had a no killing rule --which Marinette thought was plain stupid--, and he had left Damian to suffer at the hands of Ra’s Al Ghul.

Talia could only do so much to save her son.

Yes, Marinette was aware that Bruce hadn’t know Damian existed, but now he was still treating Damian as if he didn’t exist. Marinette knew how much Damian craved affection, even if he never admitted it.

Yes, maybe Bruce was getting better, but maybe she could.. spur the process.

So Marinette retaliated in one of the many ways she knew how.

Messing with them.

So when the Waynes regrouped in the dining room, Jason, Damian, Dick and Tim came back unharmed, and Jason had been filled in by Damian of his suspicions. But Bruce?

He came back covered in honey and feathers, drenched with water and covered in pink slime.

“Why is he going after me?” Bruce had questioned in that annoying voice of his, after looking over his spotless sons.

Jason shrugged. “Maybe he doesn’t like you. God knows he’s not the only one.”

Bruce looked slightly hurt but Jason didn’t seem to care in the slightest.

“Maybe this person is infatuated with you and is vying for your attention.” Damian deadpanned dryly. Marinette had smacked him on the back of his head, still invisible.

But the damage had been done.

Bruce snapped his fingers and ‘aha!’-ed at Damian. “That must be it!” Bruce crowed.

“Are you that narcissistic, you arrogant plebeian?” Marinette’s normally cheery voice was dry and dripping with distaste as she unwrapped her magic.

Bruce, Dick and Tim immediately went on the defensive, shifting into a battle stance. Marinette only scoffed.

“If I wanted to harm you, I would have already done so.” Marinette waved a hand in their direction dismissively.

Dick looked confused. “You’re like, ten.” He pointed out.

Damian glared. “I am ten as well, Grayson.”

Tim butted in. “Are we not going to acknowledge the fact that this tiny ten year old broke into the manor unnoticed?”

That brought everyone to their senses.

They were suddenly surprised by Marinette running at Jason, full speed. They expected him to duck or whip out a weapon, but all he did was stand still as she flipped in midair to land on his shoulders.

To their utter shock, Jason grinned, even as she fisted her hands in his hair for a better grip.

Damian only smiled fondly at his Angel. She was as short as he remembered, Damian noted.

He missed her. More than anything.

Marinette beamed, and slid off Jason’s shoulders.

“Why did you attack me?” Bruce asked. “Isn’t it obvious, fool?” Marinette revamped her icy demeanor and glared at the civilian Batman. “I despise you.”

Bruce looked very affronted. But Mariinette ignored him, even as he continued talking and made her way over to Damian.

“Damibear!” Marinette sang, as if she hadn’t seen him less than an hour ago.

The Waynes looked as if they expected Damian to attack her just for calling him that. They were not expecting him to grin and say, “Angel.”

Mari jumped on his back, and Damian merely repositioned himself accordingly, used to this from all her previous piggybacks.

“Okay so Jason and Damian helped her get into the manor.” Tim deduced, only to notice Jason and Damian shaking their heads.

“All by herself.” Damian and Jason chorused. Marinette made bunny ears on top of Damian’s head.

She kissed Damian’s forehead lovingly, replying to his ‘i am older than you’ with a ‘yeah by like a week’, and looked to his family.

She winked.

Then disappeared.

There was silence, and then, “Wait, we didn’t even get her name!” From Dick.

Damian and Jason were interrogated that night, and they refused to tell them anything related to Marinette.

Marinette smiled from where she had hidden in the shadows, and made her way back to Damian’s room. She curled up in Damian’s bed, drifting into sleep. She was almost asleep when Damian returned.

And when Damian pressed his lips to her forehead and whispered, “Goodnight, Angel”, a smile made her way onto her lips.

By the time Damian had slipped into bed with her, her head leaning comfortably on his chest, she had fallen asleep.

When the two turned 15, Talia and Sabine sat them down and told them about the betrothal. Damian had been visiting with Talia.

It had been almost two months since Lila had turned her classmates against her, not that she cared, of course. She still had her Consorts after all.

“Marinette, Damian, we’d like to tell you something. An offer? Of sorts. I’m relatively sure you will accept, however.”

Talia smiled as Marinette dragged a grumpy Damian over to them by the head, beaming brightly.

“Oh come on, Mian! Don’t be such a grumpy banana.” Marinette reprimanded the older boy who was rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

The boy only smiled lazily, and ran another hand through his best friend’s hair, the girl making a small noise of protest. “Thats what you get for calling me a noodle, Angel.” (if you didn’t know miàn means noodle in chinese)

Sabine cleared her throat but looked at the two with amusement clear in her eyes.

They straightened. “Sorry, maman,” Mari muttered.

“Now, before you two were born, Sabine and I had an agreement. We are perfectly fine with this and the implications of it, so it is up to you to whether to accept or not.” Talia got straight to the point.

The two children looked to each other curiously before turning back to their parents. Damian nodded in acknowledgment and Sabine picked up where Talia left off.

“How do you feel about each other?” Sabine asked, watching the two closely for their reactions.

“If that’s your way of asking us if we’re okay to be siblings, since you and Lia are dating, Maman--” Marinette started but was quickly interrupted by a barely noticeably flushed Talia.

“No, not that, and we aren’t dating, Nette.” Talia aimed a playful glare at the girl, who grinned and blew a raspberry at her.

“How would you and Damian like to be betrothed?” Sabine asked, smiling at her friend and daughter fondly.

Marinette spluttered and Damian coughed.

Talia and Sabine burst out into laughter.

After the adults got their laughter under control and after a few glares from their kids, Damian spoke up.

“Marinette is my best friend. If I had to be betrothed to anyone, I’m glad it’s her.” Damian looked away and Marinette coughed awkwardly into her elbow.

“You misunderstand us. You don’t have to be betrothed. The choice is yours.”

Damian felt slightly attacked. He really did like Marinette, and the betrothal was an easy excuse to ask her out (even if he was a 15 year old). He didn’t know if Marinette felt the same way, and he didn’t want to impose that on her, so he kept quiet.

Marinette, who was looking deep in thought, answered.

“Can I talk to Damian for a while, privately?”

Damian, despite his better judgement, winced. This was probably the first time in a really long time that Marinette called him by his full name. It was normally Dami, Damibear to annoy him, or some other weird nickname like Mr Grumpy Banana this morning.

Regardless, the bluenette hadn’t called him “Damian” for a very long time. Two years, maybe.

She walked out of the room, Damian trailing slightly behind, before stopping a few feet outside the room.

Marinette slid down onto the floor, her back pressed against it and head in her hands. Damian frowned. He didn’t want his best friend looking so.. dejected. He ignored the slight pang of hurt that the thought of being with him could get this kind of reaction out of her.

He sat down next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder like he always did when any of them felt upset. He was happy to feel her lean into his side like she always did.

She turned her head and buried it in Damian’s side, breathing in his comforting scent of paints and nature. He tightened his hold on her ever so slightly and she almost burst into tears.

It wasn’t that she was opposed to being in an engagement with Damian, it was just that she didn’t particularly want to be with anyone or love anyone, especially after her father died and Damian’s father abandoned him.

Her mother and aunt didn’t show it, but they were sad about their fathers. She had heard Talia interacting with her ‘beloved’ before, and it almost always ended up in tears or frustration. (Not that Mari blamed her, Bruce was kind of an asshole.)

She felt Damian’s chin press into her scalp and a hint of a smile grazed her lips. But this was Damian. Damian who was her best friend. Damian who supported her no matter what. Damian who comforted her and was there for her whenever she needed it.

Damian would never hurt her. And she was determined never to hurt him, ever, if she could help it.

She looked up and smiled at Damian. The smile he loved so much, the smile she always had on whenever she saw him, the smile that would unconsciously fly to her lips whenever she heard his voice.

Maybe it was then that Marinette should’ve known that she loved her best friend, but then again, she was only fifteen. She didn’t know what love was. But she would. Very soon.

“We accept.” Damian told Sabine and Talia when they reentered the room.

“We thought you would.” Talia replied.

When Marinette turned 16, her last year at Francois Dupont, six months since she’d made Lila’s time a living hell with her Ladybug (both in suit and in school), and fashion clients connections, the Waynes had visited.

Turns out, Damian and Jason got caught trying to sneak onto the Wayne private jet but instead of stopping them, they insisted they came along too, having pieced together that Damian and Jason were going to visit the mysterious tiny girl they couldn’t find the name of.

So they had no choice.

And os that leads to now, with the Waynes standing in the courtyard, elicting a growing crowd as they waited for Marinette, looking the part of scary rich people that can end your life without a problem.

Damian suddenly started running, and he hugged a girl. No one could see who the girl was because her head was buried in Damian’s chest and his body was shielding hers.

Not many people in the courtyard was surprised when they pulled away and standing there was Marinette Dupain-Cheng. After all, she was one of the most successful students in class that didn’t get fame from famous relatives. No, al her fame was hers alone.

In fact, the only people surprised were Marinette’s class, not-so-fondly referred to as the Akuma Class. Her Consorts were the only one who knew of her betrothed, Damian. Other than that, Marinette had never been willing to share.

When Marinette saw the other Waynes however, after hugging Jason, she rolled her eyes. Bruce, Dick and Tim stalked forwards, looking every inch the scary billionaires they were.

It was broken by Dick hugging the girl and gushing over how cool she was. Tim smiled at her and she had smiled back. Marinette flipped Bruce the bird.

“Why are you... so sunny? You definitely weren’t like that when you threatened us in Gotham. You were such an ice queen.” Tim mentioned, failing to keep the amusement out of his tone.

“What do you mean? Marinette’s always been like that, even if she is a bitch now. There’s no way she can be cold.” Alya remarked snidely.

Alix and Chloe stalked forward, raising thier fists threatningly. But Marinette only laughed coldly.

“You wanna see cold, Cesaire?” Marinette snarled, dropping all acts of being nice.

The Lady was back. Publicly.

The silence was interrupted by Rose, who asked, "But Lila, don't you know the Waynes?"

Said Lila had been trying to slink away unnoticed, but when her name was mentioned, all attention diverted back to her, effectively keeping her in place. Her pale face and scared eyes were enough to tell that she had indeed been lying.

Yells and screams broke out across the courtyard as the Akuma Class berated Lila for lying to them all this while. Until, Marinette interrupted, face set in a ice cold, stony position

"Okay, blame her for lying." She started. "But why did you believe her?"

The Akuma Class drew a blank and didn't respond. Partially because they didn't know what to say, and partially because Marinette's mere presence was overwhelmingly intimidating. Marinette sighed and pressed on.

"Everything the Liar has said can be found faulty by a simple internet search." It was true, and the class knew it. When no one replied, Marinette shook her head sardonically. "You reap what you sow."

She turned to her betrothed. In an instant, her icy mood was gone, replaced with the sunshiney-ness the Akuma Class had grown used to.

"C'mon, Dami!" She gave him a quick peck on the lips, hoisting herself up on Damian's back. Damian grasped her legs tightly, as she continued to be piggybacked by him.

"Onward!" She cried out dramatically, pointing to the school exit.

Damian only rolled his eyes fondly at his beloved, steering themselves out, her Consorts and his family behind them.

None of them looked back.

If they did, they would've seen the expressions of disbelief and regret etched onto every one of her old classmates' faces.

Not that they would care.

5k words yay

also uh yeah again, sorry this took so long, i kept hitting a mental block while writing this and it didnt manage to upload from my phone for no good reason :(

but anyway its up now, i hope u find this acceptable! :)

#maribat #mari is raised by the league #talia is actl a good parent in this fic bc i can #sabine is a queen as always #marinette is a godess #she is an icy queen #yes ik i spelled goddess wrong #mlb x dc #dc x mlb #ml x dc #dc x ml #betrothed #daminette #okay i think im done #i dont really know what else to tag

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wri0thesley · 3 years

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many many anons under the cut bc i didn’t want anyone to feel like i was ignoring them and i wanted to respond to u all! warning for small text too, it was so long i wanted to make it look smaller fgbnjkgkjn

Anonymous asked: NAT... you can write WHATEVER you want! It's your blog, and I hope that rude anons can learn to respect that. I used to be on your blog just for jjba content too, so when you started getting into jjk I was indifferent but eventually you dragged me into jjk so hard!! I already like bnha, so seeing you write for it only made me happier! I hope that you continue to write whatever make YOU happy:) ❤and yes, longer fics certainly doesnt mean it's better, quality over quantity

ahh i’m happy that you are here for all three!! i always feel so accomplished when someone is like ‘your constant screaming made me think about jjk <3′. all three of the fandoms are fairly popular and i tag everything v carefully so i hope people who do use the filtering find that useful!!!

Anonymous asked: Goodness gracious. People really be out there thinking they're entitled to dictating what kind of content you should be making

i think part of it might be that i do take requests so people feel like they have like . . . a certain right to certain kinds of my content? i take requests mostly bc they keep me motivated, i like making content for ppl who cant find what they want bc i’ve Been There, but maybe people think i am a pushover? idk i am just trying to have a good time!!!

Anonymous asked: Hi. I only started following you a few days ago but please ignore that rude anon. People are so fucking entitled towards writers it's insane. I recently had someone throw a fit for "spoiling" something in my fanfic, even though the fic was about a manga-exclusive character, so what did they expect?? Overall I've really enjoyed your writing so random assholes coming to guilt you is just a shitty thing that happens. Keep going with what you wanna do.

ah gosh anon i’m sorry about that :(. i’m always super careful tagging spoilers and stuff but like, if someone clicks on a fic about say, naoya or the steel ball run boys and is mad that i spoil something they havent found out yet . . . yeah thats on them fgbnkjgfkjn

Anonymous asked: That...that anon had the nerve to say "we". The fuck?! No no no anon, YOU'RE the only one talking and you're just talking for yourself, don't you dare try and lump us other anons/followers up with you to make yourself look like you're right. We love you nat and we appreciate you. It's your blog, you're allowed to write about whoever and whatever. This brain dead anon just needs to either go read someone else if they're that salty or write their own stuff if they're that impatient.

gosh i WISH some of my mad anons would just write their own stuff honestly. idk if this anon thought they were talking for everybody but i guess they expected anons to agree with them and not be mad at them. i appreciate u anon ;_;

Anonymous asked: Just want to say that ily and you’re one of the best jojo fanfic writers in my opinion 💗 I don’t think you’re half assing jojo fics and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you being multi fandom. A lot of jojo blogs have started posting about jjk so it’s not as if you’re the only one. I’m not sure why you get hate like this but I think it’s just because you’re one of the popular writers and that makes people bitter for whatever reason. Keep being you and posting about the things that make you happy 💕

honestly after so long writing for jojo - i’ve written well over 200 jojo reader insert fics - sometimes it feels like i’m retreading stuff, and that’s when i take a break bc i dont wanna half-ass stuff!!! i love all of my fellow jojo friends who are posting about jjk too, i appreciate them <3.

Anonymous asked: Hey my dude, ur writing has really grown since the jojo days and its better and awesome seeing u become happier to branch off and write in different fandoms 🤌🤌 those stupid anons are just boring farts that couldnt be bothered making their own content 😤😤 is it possible to block them to ease ur mind?

hello anon!! i run a statcounter for IPs but it doesnt always work for ppl who access through the tumblr app, i don’t think; a lot of the anon hate i get i just use the ‘block’ option, but last night got to me because i’ve been getting that kind of writer a lot which is . . . a bad look for the jojo fandom who are, as a whole from the ones i’ve interacted with, lovely!!! <3

Anonymous asked: People often forget, the person behind art or writing, is just another regular fan. You deserve to be happy with what you create and we should be thankful you share your talent with us. You also have right to change your main interests, and it's very normal thing. Jojo is one of the MANY things that you write for and all you get from that is a like or share. Its not your job. It's your fun thing to do, in spare time. You haven't betrayed anybody. That person was just rude, selfish and bored.

i am just a person doing my best!!! anime fanfic is one of many interests i have and i already devote a lot of time to it honestly, i love when people tell me they’ve enjoyed something i made bc it makes it feel worthwhile but equally it gets to me a lot when people are rude because i am usually trying my hardest.

Anonymous asked: Bro that jjba anon... the entitlement🤮 Fam, you write whatever you want to write😤 -Saturday

dfnjbkjnkgf i find most fic readers are NOT entitled at all and are just grateful but when they are . . . oof.

Anonymous asked: It's funny how people throw "we got you popular" and they think you start apologize and cry. Your writing and passion made you gain few numbers on a follow counter, nothing more. I think I'm too old for stuff like this, we are nothing more, but +1 on a number scale. You ow us nothing, we ow you nothing. Popular... Funny word. You just write for fun of it, fake scenarios about someone's manga characters. It's not that deep. Have fun and don't listen to people like this. I knew it's not that easy, but they are really not that important as they think they are.

extremely fun fact for people who think ‘popularity’ is important to me: i would 100% rather have 10 people who regularly comment, reblog my fics with tags and interact with me than 100 people who read my fic and either leave a like or simply move on. i think this is true for the VAST MAJORITY of writers tbh. i’m glad that people think i am a ‘popular’ blog (i am not in the grand scheme of things, one of my ex-best friends used to run a kpop reader insert blog with like 30,000 followers) bc it gives me an ego boost lmao, but i really just want people to read and enjoy the stuff i write!!!

Anonymous asked: I followed you a while ago for jojo and when my friends started getting into jjk i was like...eh sounds like work...but now that I see you writing for it I feel really motivated to get into it!!! I really enjoy your writing and I want to be able to read the new stuff too!

ah anon i really hope you like it!!! it’s only one season rn if u wanna watch the anime and there isn’t too much of the manga to catch up on either but it is a lot of fun and it’s nice to be in a fandom that’s like, excited about a new chapter and new plot developments every week!

Anonymous asked: Pls dont reply if u dont want to! <3 I'm not sure if this will be of any help to you or not but this is the kind of thing that often helps me and is the only way I know to try comfort others so I wanted to give it a go~

Now im not gonna say 'dont feel bad pls' bc I know that's not really useful but what I do think is useful is just discussing why that anon and many others feel the need to respond that way. As someone who follows a lot of writing blogs myself and have done for a long time, i've seen my handful of favourite writers come and go for different reasons, lose motivation for a while, gain motivation for a while, go from multi to single fandom, or single fandom to multi. Often times as a reader it can be upsetting when things change but it's also important as a reader to understand that some things aren't in anyone's control, I can't control what my favourite writers become a fan of or lose interest of, I can't control things in their personal lives that may motivate or demotivate them to write, but what I can do is support them as long as they're active, and if they move on to do things i'm no longer interested in or i'm the one that changed interests, rather than being upset that they're evolving to do other things or that they're not evolving with me, I think it's important that I still feel thankful for the works that I enjoyed while we were still on the same page and this is how I personally deal with those negative feelings. I think the anons that lash out at you probably just dont know what to do with themselves, maybe they got attached to your works while you were still only a jjba blog and now that you're evolving they're upset, while I understand how they feel, they're going the completely wrong way about it. I've learned to take these things and turn them into something positive for myself or at least something bittersweet that I can move on from but the anons that lash out at you for whatever reason probably haven't learned this yet. Maybe it's because i've moved on and changed interests a lot myself that I know how these things go for both writers and readers but those anons maybe haven't experienced this as much so they dont know what to do with themselves other than complain that you've changed and throw insults at you in an attempt to get you to revert back. None of this is because of the quality of your writing like they want you to believe, it's literally just because you've evolved and while some of your old followers might not like the new content for no reason other than it not being their cup of tea, it's definitely not regressed at all. You are pumping out a lot of content right now but every single thing i've read has just been better than the last. Things that really stand out to me is how well you get characterisation down to a T and all of your dialogue is just on point and from the pov of a reader I think those things seem the hardest to get right so I am such a huge fan of your stuff at the moment and I can tell you're really putting so much thought and care into each and every fic no matter how fast you're producing it, I think the fact that you're also proud of what you're writing at the moment really shines through as well and I just adore the passion that radiates from every completed request as well as in the responses for the subsequent thirsts resulting from these works that appear in your ask box later (I know i've sent quite a few by now~)

Just to be clear i'm not defending those anons in any way, while I can understand what they might be feeling/why they're reacting in the way they are I still believe it's just so immature to be hateful online point blank. Even during a time where I still got upset with writers if they started doing something else I still never targeted that negativity directly to the writer and sending rude or hateful comments whether on anon or not never something i'd stooped low enough to do even when I still had an immature way of thinking, however, I hope that it might make it a little easier to brush them off if we try and understand what they're really upset about, and that they're just putting the blame for their negative feelings onto the wrong thing rather than coming to terms with change themselves.

hello anon!! i appreciate the long message. i do feel bad for people who have no interest in what i’m currently producing and i get that they feel upset about it; i’ve watched a lot of fellow jojo writers move on completely or just stop posting, honestly. this kind of thing is why i was so intense about asking people if it would be better if i made a separate blog but the resounding answer seemed to be ‘i’m just vibing with whatever happens and i’ll block tags as needed’.

i often return to works by my favourite reader-insert writers who no longer write for the fandoms i like (and i read stuff bc it sounds interesting or i trust the person who writes it), but change can be difficult and i guess at this point i’ve - whether u like me or not lmao - been a fixture in jojo reader-insert tumblr for a While so it’s probably kind of jarring.

anyway i really appreciate you and the nice words! <3

Anonymous asked: hi nat! I just wanted to pop in and say that regardless of what fandom you write for, the love and care you pour into your writing and into interacting with followers who care about your work as well is really obvious. you're doing this for FREE and people should appreciate what you've given us so far, since ultimately this blog should be for you, whatever that means to you at any point in time. it's ok to jump fandoms! the important thing is that you feel good about what you're producing and that it makes you happy. everyone else is just a bonus - but, seeing you on my dash certainly makes me happy : ) I hope you feel better soon!

thank you anon! i’m feeling much better and happier today. birthdays are very difficult for me (i did not think i’d be alive at eighteen, much less 25!) so this event is definitely kind of a way for me to concentrate on something else, and i’m a little bit extra sensitive atm. i appreciate you so much, thank you for the kind words!!! <3

Anonymous asked: Hello! I just wanted to say, write what YOU want and make YOUR writings as long as you'd like. 💖 To the anon who is like "We mAdE yOu FaMoUs dOnt HalF asS iT" stfu, let people do what they wanna do. If you think they half do it, write something better and longer you asshat.

this is an open invitiation to that anon to send me a link to their writing blog and i’ll hype them up i promise <3

Anonymous asked: nat i'm so so sorry about that ask please know that your older followers don't share the same opinion :( sometimes people forget about the living, breathing person behind the screen smh. you are not a machine. you absolutely should not restrict yourself to posting about one fandom forever. yes, we're first pulled in by your amazing content, but we stay for your wonderful personality and work ethic. please just keep being you, taking up projects you feel comfy with! <333 bless u

ahh thank u anon! unfortunately i actually am a writing robot, i’m sorry u had to find out this way. my jojo chip has been removed, please send it back so i can continue to not half-ass my jojo work. fgnjkbgjkfn thank you so much angel!!! i appreciate you ;_;.

Anonymous asked: i don’t think it’s fair for other people to say shit about what you choose to write about because on tumblr and other writing platforms, writers are constantly developing how they write and the fandoms that they write for. it’s not fair for someone to criticize that “you don’t care about jjba blah blah blah” because you can enjoy new shows/manga. and like you said you’ve grown so much!! proud of you nat and im glad that ive been able to read your works (sincerely other nat)

i am STILL waiting for you to come and fight me other nat fgnjkbnf. it’s nice to be enjoying different things! i am constantly learning new things and reading new works and making new friends and improving and i think that’s important. i do care about jjba - a lot! but i can care about other things too! <3

Anonymous asked: I may not be one of your oldest followers, but i've been here for almost 3 years. Yes, i started following u for ur jojo content, but let me tell u, ur newfound motivation and enthusiam for other fandoms was honestly contagiuos for me. And i say this as a person who finds very difficult to move from one interest to another. Jojo is great, but so are other fandoms. Please don't let some faceless scum rob u that motivation. This is ur blog and u r always free to write whatever u want.

honestly, i have been there! i am autistic and i have special interests and watching other people move on to stuff i’m not vibing with has made me sad in the past, but i want people to be happy more than anything and sometimes that means new things and change! <3

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I saw that rude anon message & I just wanted to pop in & say that they're wrong. You're not betraying anyone & you should write whatever it is you want to write. I followed you for jojo & I'm not familiar with the other fandoms that you write for, but personally it makes me SO happy to see you enjoying new things! It's always good to find joy wherever you can, so keep writing what you're interested in. There a lot of ppl who want to see you happy and healthy <3

honestly the idea of it being a GRAND BETRAYAL is so funny, i am just writing anime fanfic here and thriving!!! tysm anon! <3

Anonymous asked: Those anons can piss off! They have no right to judge how long or how short your writing is. If they want longer content write it their damn selves. I think your writing has improved wonderfully and I originally followed for Jojo and I'm enjoying all the content period. I don't even watch jujutsu ( not my cup of tea personally) but I love seeing the creativity and the interactions. You write what makes you happy Nat and that's on that! You don't owe anybody anything! I know how hard writing is and when your consuming new content it's hard to make content for something else. That doesn't mean you don't like it any more your just doing something different for a while. Love you and your content and I'm enjoying the love your putting into your content whether long or short. ♥♥💕 Sending love your way!

honestly my idea of ‘short content’ is still over 1k words, i’m not good at reeling myself in! i guess it’s bc they see like, 1.5k jojo fic versus 5k jjk fic but it’s not that i didn’t enjoy the first fic, just that the point and the story came a lot quicker and so did the natural end! thank you anon, i appreciate you ;_;

Anonymous asked: Hello! Just wanted to let your know that I think your writing is awesome, and that you should write for whoever and for whatever you want to! You dont have to stay loyal to one fandom or anything, and your followers shouldn't expect that from you! It's not like they are paying you to write, you are doing this for free, and because you enjoy it and it makes you happy! If they dont like your stuff, they dont have to follow you, they can go to other blogs that cater to their taste, and they definitely don't need to be sending you such hurtful comments, and they dont get to make you feel sad about your writing! Just because they followed you during your earlier stages of writing, doesn't mean you owe them some type of loyalty or compensation! You can write literally whatever you want as long as it makes you happy! That's what your hobby and your blog are for! I hope you know that alot of your followers love your work and think that you are an amazing writer and are down to support the work that makes you happiest! 💖💖

ahh thank you so much anon!!! i am always so bowled over by how many people are nice to me when something like this happens, i am sending you my love <3

Anonymous asked: don’t listen to them!! we love you as a writer no matter what you write, because you’re a good person and a talented writer!! you shouldn’t have to change what you write to please a bitter person, and if they only want jjba, they can go to another blog instead of bringing you down. you’re doing amazing and they should be thankful you grace us with your talents!!

to be totally honest, if i was half-assing or not vibing with content i was making i just. wouldn’t post it. like you’d be able to TELL when i was half-assing stuff just to get words out (source: i have re-read my own nanowrimo works). there are lots of great jjba blogs who could do with more followers n interaction!!! i hope they do find them and i hope they’re nice to them :(.

Anonymous asked: Please don’t pay attention to that anon. People only have that confidence when they have anon turned on. Them looking through your blog despite feeling that way is peak fan behavior and speaks to how addicting your writing is. Naturally, you can’t please everyone and there will be people who are irrational and feel entitled to tell you what to do or what to write no matter what. Trust me when I say they’re a small minority and are more likely probably passing viewers rather than regulars. I check your blog about three or more times a day because I love reading not just your fics but also your takes, banter with other anons, or even random updates. Brainrot posts? LOVE TO SEE IT!!! Desk update? AMAZING!!! With that being said, don’t feel pressured to continue pushing out content for others. Write what makes you happy! You’ve been writing for JJBA for 4 years and it’s completely normal + healthy to get into new media. I’m not sure if it would mean much, but your love for JJK has gotten me excited to start it too!!

anon i really hope you enjoy it!!! sometimes these anons remember stuff i’ve posted and said better than i do tbh, i am living in their heads rent free i guess!

Anonymous asked: I've been following you for a couple of years and honestly it would always be a joy to see when you posted. Your writing has improved and I'm very happy you're enjoying yourself ! I know it hurts hearing and seeing stuff like that but I'm happy you're here. I'm honestly blessed everytime you post. Your writing is phenomenal. I love reading it even if its characters that I dont care for. You capture their essences so well and weave an amazing tale within the prompts and whatnot. You're amazing nat!

wehh thank you so much!!! re: the improvement, i really don’t feel like it has and then i re-read something i wrote when i first started and i’m like oh my god maybe it has. did i really write about jotaro acting like that.

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat. I recently became a follower of yours and I'm really saddened to see you get hate. You seem like a genuinely sweet person with amazing talent! I'm a writer myself and, unfortunately, get the same kind of comments. And when you get those comments, it doesn't leave you feeling motivated. People need to understand that people can and will, at times, grow out of fandoms. (1 Not just that but you're doing all of this for free. Again, I'm sorry you got such a comment. But please know that I'm proud of how far you've come. I'm proud that you're living a life that makes you happy. And no matter what fandom you may find yourself in next, I will always enjoy your writing. Take care of yourself. (2 end

HELLO NEW FOLLOWER I LOVE YOU (i get a lot more a day now than i used to and i feel guilty about not being able to look through so many blogs but i do try and follow back other writers for my fandoms!! ;_;). i’m sorry you get the same kind of comments! i’m always just happy to see people i like enjoying new things, even if i have no interest in it (hello to all of my mutuals who write for hunter x hunter and haikyuu, not interested but i’m sure you’re having a great time and i support you!!!).

Anonymous asked: I'm sure you're getting a barrage of supportive messages now (at least I hope so) but I figured I'd add my voice, because I'm a longtime follower. Your writing is, and always has been, wonderful. I've been so happy to see you and Haz get to a place that works for you both. Idk if it's obvious for everyone, but you seem like you're emotionally in a pretty good place most of the time these days, and it makes me really happy to see that. I followed years ago for JJBA content, but I stayed because regardless of what content you put out, I find your wit delightful. And I'll stick around even if you move fandoms entirely, because whatever content or editorializing you produce is going to be worth reading, regardless of what it's for.

ahh, anon!! thank you for sticking around so long, sorry if you’re old enough to have been around the vore and jorts and spider rohan fiascos! <3 i am definitely a lot more stable than i have been and - barring the Pandemic Related Mental Health Issues - happier! i’m glad that it’s noticeable! <3

Anonymous asked: It actually makes me mad how entitled some people are. Nat, you're not a content creating machine and those who expect you to be are not worth wasting a thought on. Your love for something is not measured in word counts and for you to write every day without getting burned out in the slightest you really must have a burning passion and huge dedication to your craft. If others decide to send hate then allow me to send admiration because I can feel your love and hard work in each post you make!

i try and write every day bc it’s super good for my little ocd/autistic brain to have routines and distract itself, so i’m glad other people can enjoy them because that makes me motivated to carry on! like, i write for myself mostly bc the content i want i sometimes get find, but filling requests and writing for other people also leaves me with happy warm fuzzies too! i appreciate you!! <3

Anonymous asked: If people only care about your writing for the jojo porn that’s on THEM, not you. Your writing was amazing when I followed about a year ago, and it’s only gotten better and will continue to get better! I think it really comes through when you enjoy what you’re writing and it adds a whole other layer of worth to it, because not only are you making free content but you LIKE that content and we can all gush about it together!!! More than just fans, I think you’ve created a community here and we don’t just stick around to read smut, I promise you that. -Reronon

i do miss having a discord community bc it was nice to talk to everyone in real time but it was hard work, i am glad that people feel like they can just come into my askbox and gush! i’m not very friendly in real life and people tend to think i am cold and stuck up so i work very hard to try and seem friendly and approachable online, which is much easier for me because i get to think and re-draft before i type! <3

Anonymous asked: Hi Nat! I’m sure you’re getting a lot of messages like this right now but I just wanted to say for what it’s worth that, as a person who originally followed you for jjba content and hasn’t watched/read any of the other series you’re currently writing for, I’m honestly still along for the ride. This is your blog and you’re allowed to do what you want with it and put out what content you feel like writing. Sometimes??? People acquire new interests??????? Shocking! I know absolutely nothing about jjk or bnha but out of curiosity still read some of your posts about them and even though I might not Get It, I still enjoy them because I think you’re a very talented writer! Honestly, as long as you’re still writing, I’m still down to clown, and whenever you take breaks (which are important!) I’ll still be waiting for your return or supporting and respecting your decision to stay away longer. Don’t let the entitled assholes get you down. Utilize YOUR blog and YOUR space however YOU choose. Your talent and kindness speak for themselves. Love you!!! ❤️❤️❤️

anon i care about you and i am so appreciative of you and everyone for sending me such nice messages! i am running out of ways to say it but it’s true, it really does mean a lot to me ;_; <3

#nat.txt

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ao3gingerswag · 3 years

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I hope he teaches them separately. Idk if it makes sense but I think it would be very in character for sam to, in a way, be jealous of dean, I guess. I know it sounds absurd but it's not I mean it in a very specific way, like in cannon. Like hes not jealous of cas like dean would be if sam found someone cuz hes Well AdjustedTM, but I think he has extremely polarizing feelings about cas. In no way does he resent dean obviously, in fact hes vry protective of him, he just, wants to get along with him, ig. And in a worse (to him) way, wants that affection from him. Hes a kiddo!! Ofcourse he wants affection, but he thinks cas only has it for dean, which hes both glad for & weary of, but I think he doesnt realize that cas will eventually come to be protective of him, too. That's his kid!! That's their kid brother!! So you know, this montage of cas personally teaching him about the plants, as opposed to dean passing on the knowledge like he thought would happen. And before giving dean the book like he planned, he asks Sam if he would tell him what it says, & is suitably impressed by Sam's literacy (which makes sam happier than he'll admit) & he feels respected & safe & important & it's the start of their relationship which will devolve into The Chaos Duo that nerds out about eucalyptus & cas carries sam around on his shoulders & sam hangs off them upside down & steals dean's cookies off the counter & dean hates them so much

Alternatively it would also be wonderful to see the impact that sam would have on cas. I think the way we know these characters in canon, dean is the one that tries to teach cas what fun is, & how you're supposed to have it. Yet it is sam who ends up sort of successfully teaching him Fun. Probably because he never intends to teach him he sorta just encourages him to have it & discover it on his own. & as a happy coincidence, it turns out their definitions of it are actually compatible. Dean teaches cas a lot about humanity, & dean definitely finds in cas a person he can genuinely have fun with, something he can't do Completely with sam because their sibling dynamic is haunted by their parent-child dynamic

But for cas it's the exact opposite, I think. With dean hes busy worshipping, observing, consuming, lost. Hes happy & content because hes deriving joy from dean being happy & content. But with sam he can actually, fuck around, essentially, is what I'm trying to say. ShenanigansTM, general teenage lunacy, etc etc. Just even geeking out about ridiculously niche stuff

So in wander home, sam might bring out a part of cas that dean hasn't gotten to see yet. Just as cas will bring out a part of dean sam hasnt seen yet. & sam, well Sam's parts are rather known to dean. Except what he actively hides so that's ok.

Thank you.

Yesss I so agree with everything u just said!!!! Like Dean is so earnest and all but its sam who would be like come on cas :) lets have fun :) pick me up so i can scale this tree branch :) oh u dont want me to get lost in the woods? i guess you will have to chase me then bc im running into them!!! and cas would be all AHHHHHH bc he’s so stressed and has so much on his shoulders but then eventually he would end up having fun :)) !!! but yes at first sam is like I Dont Trust You. I feel like cas teaching sam alone would go a long way to developing that trust, but i also feel like for at least a while sam would be like really scared to be that far from dean while alone with cas. like he’d get all defensive and hissy but really he’d be terrified ;~; but thats only at first. later he’d still be wary of cas but cas teaching him would be like Bonding. Honestly rn im leaning towards writing both scenes? where cas teaches sam and dean together when sam is still very new and sam is all hissy, then maybe a cute one with just him and dean bc bringing sam Didnt Work, and dean and cas get all blushy and cute and hold hands like they wouldn’t if sam were there, and then after that one where cas teaches sam alone after sam trusts him a liiiitle more :))

#ao3gingerswag #asks #wander home

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ad1thi · 4 years

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How did you get into the mcu fandom? Why do you like Tony so much? Bc your Tony characterization is fascinating!!!

ooh this is such a nice question thank you for sending it in anon!! okay so ive been a marvel fan for a while but i wasn’t rly a part of the fandom until the just before IW. i sort of got involved in fandom dynamics after Civil War, but a couple of months before IW i stumbled upon a stevetony fic and i sort of got sucked in. but i think the tipping point for me was when I read Almeno Tu by @silkspectred - which rly made me fall in love with the mcu fandom.

actually if you look back at some of my earlier posts i was very obsessed with the idea of italian! tony and that’s wholly because of Almeno Tu. I started off with stevetony, branched out to stuckony - which is where i started my love affair for buckytony; opened up a tumblr sometime around 2017 and ive been here ever since

as for why i like Tony, im a pretty shallow person - i see an actor that i like and i develop an attachment to the characters that they play. i found Robert Downey Jr fit, so i was predisposed to like Tony. initially it wasn’t rly more than that, yknow Tony was attractive, he was funny, he was smart. but i joined the mcu fandom in a post civil war era - so i joined after the fandom split between Tony and Steve. i’d see posts from tony antis and it would piss me off, so i got more into Tony meta and it sort of spiralled from there.

i like Tony because he’s human. it sounds rly stupid to say, but Tony genuinely just is an extremely well rounded character who’s so well developed despite the fact that the mcu constantly keeps trying to cast him as a villain. you see him fall and you see him get up against all odds and it humanises him; it makes you want to see him succeed - because you’ve seen what it looks like when he fails.

it also makes him extremely relatable, i know very intimately what its like to people dismiss you because they think you’re too brash, too rude, too cocky - i know what its like to be backstabbed by people you’ve trusted your whole life, i know what its like to be treated like you’re convenient - that you’re not rly worth someone’s time but you’re smart so they’ll put up with you because you’re useful to them.

there’s a rly big post about it somewhere on tumblr - but it also helps that tony in the mcu is very female-coded. despite being a guy, he’s an extremely relatable character for women because a lot of tropes commonly associated to female characters are found in his character arc.

anyway, tl;dr: i found him sexie so i stuck around for more

#but thank you for saying that and thank you sending this in #im quite proud of my tony so im glad you like it too!!#tony stark meta #adi analyses #anon ask #adi answers asks

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anotherkpopvictim · 5 years

Text

All That You Are (Is All That I’ll Ever Need) - VHope Littlespace Drabble

(Source - taegidda)

Request from starbabiebangtan on tumblr: “Vhope bc i cant resist baby Tae sndjdjdjdj I’m sorry LOL But another Vhope, where Taehyung is insecure because of how he feels like he looks more like a daddy to Hoseok than the other way around bc of him being taller and having a deeper voice than Hobi. Hobi does his best to reassure him that he is his little baby no matter what, and continues to go ahead and love on his baby and it causes him to regress v young bc im a sucker for baby space as well 🥺 ”

A/N: this sounded very interesting! I hope I did your request justice :P And thank you for all the awesome ideas you’ve given me!!

Also, the title is from Tenerife Sea by Ed Sheeran.

Pairing: Little!Taehyung X Caregiver!Hoseok

Rating: T (swearing, panic attack)

Words: 3250

Hurt/comfort, fluff

WARNINGS: Taehyung has a panic attack in this. It is not very detailed, but I don’t want to trigger anyone.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Taehyung and Hoseok had been together for forever.

Okay, two years officially, but they had also gone through a phase of what the rest of the BTS members had dubbed “everyone else knew you two were together except you” for about four or five years (forever), which wasn't completely untrue. Jimin and Jungkook could vouch for that – they made sure their fellow maknae line member understood just how much pining they witnessed from Taehyung. Hyung line said the same about Hoseok.

But their incorrect feelings of unrequited love didn't matter anymore, because they were very happily boyfriends now. Sure, they had been through their fights just like any other couple did, but in the end, they loved each other in a way that no one could deny and they always orbited back to each other.

More than boyfriends, Hoseok was also Taehyung's caregiver when he slipped into littlespace. The older had a soft spot for the little and their friends always made fun of him for it, calling him “whipped”. Any time that happened, Taehyung would assure his hyung that he was very happy he loved little Tae so much (Hoseok would then puff his chest out like a gorilla, all proud, and it was so adorable honestly Taehyung couldn’t handle it sometimes).

As their Love Yourself: Tear album promotions came around, the two of them were in a place where they were completely comfortable and happy with each other. They hadn’t even had a real fight in months.

So, of course, just as they relaxed, something else came up that threw them off-kilter - this time in the form of insecurities.

It was during a fan sign that it really began. Taehyung and Hoseok just happened to be seated next to each other, and they were very careful to keep their closeness to a friend level. It wasn’t often that management allowed them to sit next to each other, and they weren’t about to mess up the chance they’d finally been given just because they couldn’t keep their heart eyes to themselves for a few hours.

A girl around twenty years old, who introduced herself as Jisoo, was in line to get their autographs and talk to them for their forty-five second time frame. When she reached Hoseok (the second last in the row of seats) she smiled brightly, showing off her cute smile. “You guys are so inspiring!” she gushed, “Thank you for promoting self-love, it's really helped me.”

The lead dancer couldn't help but grin back at her, “I'm glad. You guys have helped us achieve so many of our goals, and we want to use our success to spread a good message to everyone.”

Hoseok passed the girl's poster of all the members (now signed everywhere apart from below Taehyung's picture) over to the second youngest beside him, and they let their hands linger a little longer than they probably should have. Sometimes they really couldn’t help it.

Taehyung gave his hyung a quick side smile, more meaning behind the small action than anyone else could see.

“Oh my gosh! You guys are so cute! VHope for the win!” Jisoo held up a fist in a “fighting!” motion, a teasing grin on her face as she watched the two of them.

“Oh,” Taehyung chuckled, looking away to properly sign her poster. “Thank you.”

“And your size difference is adorable!” she said, now gaining Taehyung's sole attention as Hoseok moved on to the next fan in line. “Hoseok looks so tiny next to you, I bet you could pick him up without any trouble.”

Maybe it was a little odd to say something like that, a little straightforward, but Taehyung got the feeling that Jisoo was the kind of girl to speak her mind.

“Y-Yeah,” Taehyung silently cursed himself for stuttering, but he was a little taken aback by the comment. He knew Jisoo didn't mean anything bad by it, but it made Taehyung's brain start going into overdrive, just like it always did when all he could think about were his insecurities.

She was right; Taehyung and Hoseok were definitely different in size, but not like Jimin and Namjoon were. There was only about two inches difference in height between the lead dancer and the vocalist, but Taehyung was undoubtedly more broad than his hyung. So yes, Taehyung was naturally bigger than Hoseok was, but he'd never really thought about it before now.

Did Hoseok have a hard time picking him up sometimes, like he did quite often in littlespace? Did Hoseok think it was weird that the bigger person between the two of them was also the one to regress into a child-like headspace sometimes?

No, Taehyung told himself, stopping his thoughts abruptly, Hoseok loved him too much for that. He would never hold something so insignificant against him.

...Right?

“It was so nice to meet you, Jisoo,” Taehyung replied, the smile on his face feeling a little more put on than before. “I hope you continue to support us. We will do the best we can for you!”

Despite his best efforts, the thoughts plagued the second youngest for the rest of the day. He had to hide his mood from Hoseok and Jimin, and managed to evade them by saying he wasn’t feeling well and hiding in his room.

But that was it.

After that day, Taehyung was thrown headfirst into preparing for their repackaged album release and another tour. He didn’t have time to really think about anything, let alone the moment with Jisoo at the fan sign, but it was still there, admittedly, in the back of his mind.

------------------------------------------------------

“Jeon Jungkook, if you don’t get down here this instant!-”

A smirking maknae looked down from his spot on the tree branch...thirty feet up in the air. At the base of the tree stood an extremely unimpressed Seokjin with his hands on his hips.

“What are you going to do, hyung?” Jungkook asked tauntingly, “Are you going to put me in time out?”

Seokjin narrowed his eyes, “No, but I will take away your television rights for two weeks, in or out of littlespace.”

Jungkook gasped, looking a little more scared now, “You wouldn’t. You love little me too much.”

“Try me, bitch.”

With an overly exaggerated whine of annoyance, Jungkook began his trek back down the tree.

“Be careful!” Namjoon shouted, joining Jin at the base of the tree. “If you fall and get hurt management is going to kill me!”

“Is that all you’re worried about, hyung?” Taehyung asked, a smirk on his lips as he looked on from a nearby lounge chair, “Not that Jungkook could get hurt, but that management would kill you if he did?”

Namjoon turned away from the tall tree to glare at the younger and smack him over the head. “Brat.”

“My brat!” Hoseok burst out of the doors of their accommodations and pushed Namjoon out of the way so he could cuddle his injured baby in his arms. “Don’t hit him, Namjoon!”

As Namjoon grumbled under his breath and walked off, Hoseok pressed a kiss to the back of a pouting Taehyung’s head. It didn’t even really hurt all that much, as Namjoon hadn’t hit that hard, but Taehyung was enjoying his boyfriend’s attention too much to tell him that.

All the members of BTS were spending a rare few days off between tour dates, and currently, they were in Chicago. Management had rented a cabin-like house on the outskirts of the city for their three-day stay.

“TAEHYUNG!” Jimin screamed as he came running out of the house.

“SOULMATE!” Taehyung screamed, sitting up from his hyung’s embrace like a meerkat scoping out the land.

Jimin jumped on top of the Taehyung-Hoseok pile, causing the two on the bottom to grunt at the sudden added weight.

“Jimin...” Hoseok whined, weakly using his partially trapped hands to push the younger off of them.

The attacker backed off with a wicked grin, “Sorry, hyung!” (He didn’t sound all that sorry).

“What did you need, soulmate?” Taehyung asked, sitting up properly and fixing his messed up hair.

“Oh,” Jimin said like he just remembered why he’d come here in the first place, “Yoongi thinks he has a lower voice than you, so I need you to prove him wrong.”

“What?” Taehyung chuckled.

“You obviously have the lowest voice out of all of us! I just need you to sing a lower note than him so I can get my ten-thousand won.”

Taehyung shrugged, standing up from the lounge chair and starting to follow his eager best friend into the house. The others were only a few feet behind them.

“Taehyung’s voice is definitely lower than Yoongi’s,” Jungkook stated, “I’ll bet twenty-thousand won!”

Namjoon snorted, “You’re on, dumbass. Yoongi’s totally going to win.”

Jin and Hoseok rolled their eyes and looked at each other with matching expressions that said “Idiots”.

They all entered the living room to find Yoongi lounging on the couch, typing away at the keyboard on his laptop. The oldest rapper looked up at the sudden noise and frowned, unimpressed, when he saw all of them filing into the room. “You actually got them, Jimin? Seriously?”

“We made a bet and I’m eager to get some ice cream with the money I’m going to win,” Jimin replied, arms crossed and chin in the air.

Yoongi rolled his eyes, “Whatever. Alright, Tae, let’s go.”

Taehyung and Yoongi proceeded to have a low note battle, while five other pairs of eyes watched on in fascination. It started off easily, but as the notes got lower and lower, Taehyung noticed Yoongi beginning to really struggle to make a noise.

It was Taehyung who won in the end (much to Jungkook and Jimin’s delight and Yoongi and Namjoon’s disappointment) and he smirked as Jimin dragged a sulking Yoongi out the front door and to the corner store down the street. Namjoon slapped the twenty-thousand won into Jungkook’s awaiting palm a little harder than necessary, but the maknae decided not to say anything about it because he had some beautiful money in his possession. (A/N: bts forgetting they’re millionaires part 382750????)

“Ooh, listen to my baby’s sexy voice!” Hoseok exclaimed, sliding up to Taehyung from behind and wrapping his arms around his waist, lips pressing a kiss to his right ear. “So deep and hot as fuck.”

Taehyung chuckled and turned his head a bit so his boyfriend could kiss him on the lips, “Thanks, Seokie.”

The moment was ruined when a certain maknae fake gagged and yelled, “EW!”

All his bandmates (minus Jimin and Yoongi) began complimenting his deep voice. Taehyung accepted the praise with a smile and a light pink blush on his cheeks.

It wasn’t until later that night (because night was the time to reflect on the day) that Taehyung thought about it again.

He never particularly loved his voice like so many did, sometimes he wished that his voice wasn’t so low. Maybe it was because a lot of the comments he saw said things like “Taehyung’s voice is so sexy! He’s such a daddy!” and “V’s looks and his deep voice just scream “she calls me daddy too”” and other things that were a little more...explicit. Now, Taehyung adored these compliments, even the extremely dirty ones, because they were from his fans, but his little side didn’t like it one bit.

The moment with the fan (Jisoo, he recalled) from nearly half a year ago popped back up in his head. Hoseok was smaller than him, and Taehyung had a deeper voice too. Hoseok always told him how much he loved his deep voice, but Taehyung was a little, was it strange for someone in a four-year-old’s headspace to sound like a grown man?

Jimin and Jungkook, who were also littles, didn’t really have to worry about that with their caregivers - Jimin had a naturally high voice and Jungkook easily spoke in a tone reminiscent of a child.

Surely Hoseok had noticed their differences and probably thought about them. Did he hate them and was just too nice to tell Taehyung how uncomfortable it made him? Did he resent Taehyung for being so...strange?

Taehyung stood up from his bed and stumbled from his room to the bathroom across the hallway. He felt a tightness in his throat and a buzzing in his ears suddenly as he slammed through the door. He knew it was the start of a panic attack, and he tried his best to calm himself down with deep breaths. He splashed some cold water onto his face, uncaring that it wet his bangs. His hands then gripped the edge of the counter as his thoughts began to spin out of his control.

He needed Hoseok and he needed him now.

Like a miracle, a knocking from the door broke through the buzzing in Taehyung’s ears. He couldn’t speak, so he just made a sound, something that came out like a mix between a groan and a whine.

And then Jin was by his side on the ground (when had he fallen to the floor?) and holding his shoulders gently. The older was speaking to him probably, but Taehyung couldn’t hear him, could barely see him through the tears forming in his eyes.

Jin turned and shouted something over his shoulder and then a few moments later a frazzled looking Hoseok appeared in the doorway.

Taehyung’s eyes seemed to only be able to focus on his Daddy’s worried gaze as he hurried over to him.

“-Baby!” was the first word Taehyung heard from Hoseok, “I need you to follow my breaths, okay?” The older grabbed Taehyung’s hands and placed them on his own chest, beginning to exaggerate deep breaths for the younger to follow along to.

Taehyung tried his best to take in deep breaths and in a few minutes, he felt his heart rate decreasing from where it was in near hyperspeed. “’M sorry, Daddy” he said, his voice weak from his tense throat.

Hoseok shushed him and moved to wrap his arms securely around him, leaning them both against the bathroom cabinets. “You don’t ever have to be sorry for having a panic attack, Taehyungie,” he sounded a little out of breath, but completely sincere. “What’s going on, bub?”

“TaeTae sad!” Taehyung blurted before he could stop it - little him had always been more open about his feelings.

“Well, we can’t have that, can we?” Hoseok replied, “Why are you sad, baby?”

“TaeTae too...TaeTae too...sexy...” the younger mumbled the last word in embarrassment.

Hoseok looked shocked, “What?”

“TaeTae b-bigger than Daddy...a-and he have low voice...TaeTae is bad little!” Taehyung burst into tears, moving to bury his face in his hyung’s chest.

“Oh, my baby,” Hoseok cooed, “You are not a bad little. You’re Daddy’s best boy.”

Taehyung stayed in his hiding place and shook his head vehemently, hands clutching the fabric of the older’s t-shirt.

Hoseok held him closely and pressed a fond kiss to the top of his head. “Do you think I don’t like you because of your deep voice and your height?”

“TaeTae weird.”

“No, TaeTae is unique,” Hoseok corrected, pulling the little away from his chest so he could see the sincerity in his expression. “Baby, I love you so much, exactly the way you are.”

“D-Daddy don’t think it’s weird TaeTae don’t look like a baby or sound like a baby?” the younger inquired, big eyes looking up at his hyung with hope.

Hoseok smiled and booped his nose. “No, sweetie, Daddy doesn’t think it’s weird.”

“D-Daddy doesn’t hurt himself picking TaeTae up?” he asked.

The older frowned jokingly, “Hey! I’m very strong, you know! Of course I can pick up my baby.”

Taehyung would have laughed if the situation were any different, but as it was, he couldn’t help but burst into tears once more - this time, though, they were happy tears. “TaeTae love Daddy.”

“Love you too, bub,” Hoseok replied, one of his arms moving so he could rub up and down the little’s back soothingly. “So, so much.”

Taehyung hiccuped through some more tears as the reassurance filled him with a familiar warmth and calmness. His eyes brightened just a little bit more and his hands shook as he grappled at the older’s shirt. “D-D-Dada.”

Hoseok’s smile grew at the new name, indicating that the younger had slipped into babyspace. Taehyung had to feel extremely safe to fall into such a deep headspace, and the older didn’t mind because baby Taehyung was just as adorable as every other Taehyung. “Hi, baby.”

The younger still had tears shining in his big, bright eyes, but he smiled through them cutely, “Dada!”

Hoseok attacked his face with kisses, causing the baby to giggle uncontrollably. When he pulled away again, the older said, “Now, TaeTae was supposed to be sleeping, but how about we go see if anyone is still awake and wants to watch some cartoons with us?”

Taehyung didn’t respond, but Hoseok had expected that - he was too young to fully comprehend his words. The other just looked at him like he hung the stars in the sky, like Hoseok was the younger’s everything (that wasn’t actually all that far off from what the baby was thinking).

After hitching the baby easily onto his hip, Hoseok stood up and made his way out of the bathroom and back to the bedroom. He laid Taehyung on the soft bed and moved to grab a cute tan puppy onesie from the boy’s suitcase. He kept a close eye on the baby, who was beginning to wiggle around on the bed curiously.

After grabbing a pacifier from the emergency little bag (thank god he had remembered it) Hoseok returned to his baby and slipped the rubber teat effortlessly between his lips. Taehyung blinked up at him and suckled at the pacifier as he watched Hoseok change him.

The older secured a diaper around the little’s waist and worked on zipping him into his adorable puppy onesie.

When he was finished, Hoseok took a moment to look down at Taehyung. The baby looked so cute it was almost too much to handle...so, naturally, Hoseok snapped a picture and sent it to their group chat.

MEMETAN (MuscleBunny - Jungkook, SmolBoi - Jimin, Dimples - Namjoon, JHoe - Hoseok, TongueTechnology - Yoongi, MrWorldWideHandsome - Seokjin)

JHoe: anyone who wants to join baby taetae and me for some cartoons is welcome to come to the living room

JHoe: *attached image*

MrWorldwideHandsome: omg *gasp* he’s so cute!!!!!!!!!!!!

SmolBoi: lol Jungkooks running naruto style there now and im right behind him

MuscleBunny: i csll dibbs on cuddlin the babu!111

Dimples: me too!!!

MrWorldwideHandsome: what about you yoongi?

TongueTechnology: yea ok I’m coming too

SmolBoi: dont act so tsundere yoongi

SmolBoi: we all know you have a soft spot for baby taetae

TongueTechnology: oh yea like you don’t all have one too

JHoe: taetae is very excited to see you all :)

Dimples: we’d better watch some good fucking cartoons or I’m out though

MrWorldwideHandsome: yea like Clifford or Paw Patrol!!!!!

SmolBoi: we all know taetaes gonna be the one to pick

JHoe: update:

JHoe: Jungkook has arrived in the living room and has slipped into littlespace

JHoe: he’s now cuddling with baby taetae

Dimples: OMG IVE GOTTA SEE THIS

TongueTechnology: IM ON MY WAY FOR THE OVERLOAD OF CUTENESS

MrWorldwideHandsome: uwu!

SmolBoi: those two will be the death of me with how adorable they are

JHoe: the cuddle pile is waiting :)

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

A/N: not my favorite ending, but yeah.

Tell me what you thought of me adding some background couples and extra OT7 cuteness! I thought I’d try something a bit different this time.

If you would like to request a BTS littlespace drabble, you can go to my Request Guidelines page :)

I love you guys!

#bts #bts littlespace #bts little space #bts v #bts taehyung #bts jhope #bts hoseok #kim taehyung #jung hoseok #bts drabble #bts drabbles #bts fanfic #bts fanfics #bts fanfiction #bts vhope #vhope

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saints-row-2 · 6 years

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in fallout Tuesday and Ezra-Kane work together long enough to take down the Legion but completely destroy their partnership during Lonesome Road and turn to blows when it comes to deciding if theyre gonna work with House or not and Tuesday runs Ezra-Kane out of town before the ending of New Vegas. when they see each other again in Fallout 4 its intensely aggressive and the only reason they dont fight it out there and then is bcs theyre both working with Atticus (both to take down the Institute, but also in Ezra-Kane’s case to take down the Brotherhood, and in Tuesday’s to minimise damage to the Brotherhood). they leave off in Fallout 4 with the desire to never see each other again and Tuesday promising Ezra-Kane that he wont fucking hesitate to come after him if he feels that Ezra-Kane has gone too far down the ‘he who fights monsters’ path.

like Ezra-Kane and Tuesday have the same fundamental goal; they want to take down bad people. but as ive said before, Tuesday is driven by a desire to always be good and destroy evil. he always wants to do the right thing. Ezra-Kane, on the other hand, wants to stop evil preemptively by becoming such a powerful force that he can stop anyone else from gaining power. so while Tuesday is kind of aimlessly wandering around doing shit, Ezra-Kane has a structured plan, a lot of which involves doing shit that could be seen as for his own gain.

Tuesday doesnt think Ezra-Kane is fundamentally evil, and hes thrown enough by Ezra-Kane’s ‘ends justify the means’ style plan that he doesnt really know if he should do anything about Ezra-Kane, but he knows he cant justify helping or working with Ezra-Kane. Ezra-Kane thinks Tuesday is naive, endlessly slapping band-aids on the Wasteland without any kind of actual plan (and uses Tuesday’s abandonment of the Mojave when the Mojave needs leadership and Tuesday’s working with Maxson’s Brotherhood as proof that Tuesday doesnt know what hes doing) and doesnt want anything to do with him bcs he thinks Tuesday’s a joke. they just personally hate each other more than anything.

in the 80s au/in my El Reino stories they DO start off working together, in order to deal with the mystery in the story (which im still working out) and eventually turn on each other bcs theyre kind of destined to always hate each other. in El Reino, Tuesday is a PI and Ezra-Kane is just a rich kid with connections to the mafia, who he also despises. again, Tuesday’s primary goal is just to do good things, but Ezra-Kane’s is initially to kill the don, Drago, as revenge. eventually he realises this wouldnt actually help El Reino at all, and he risks either whoever Drago’s replacement is, or worse, one or more of the mafia families outside El Reino taking over. he decides he needs to, again, become more powerful and challenge the entire local organisation.

in this universe again, Tuesday doesnt think Ezra-Kane is evil, but does think he’s power-hungry and immensely doesnt trust him. Ezra-Kane, again, doesnt give a shit what Tuesday thinks because he thinks Tuesday is pathetic. and again, neither of them directly challenge each other.

in Fallout, Ezra-Kane thinks that the whole world is sick. hes so traumatised by what he sees in the Wasteland after leaving the vault that it destroys his ability to believe anything good can grow there, and he becomes hellbent on reform by any means necessary. in El Reino, Ezra-Kane is specifically traumatised by the mafia due to teenage interactions with the mob, and while initially his anger is towards Drago as the mafia’s leader, like i said he turns to a larger plan. essentially its the same plan as in Fallout, to form his own ‘gang’ (again utilising connections that Teddy Tallahassee has) and challenge a larger organisation. although here its an isolated strand of the mafia (Drago deliberately cut himself off from other families and has an extremely contentious relationship with other branches of the mafia) not the Brotherhood, and Tuesday isnt connected to them.

theyre still the same characters in both versions like i very specifically wanted to capture their exact personalities and try to recreate reasons for them to be the same and try to recapture events of the story. the story opens with Tuesday arriving in El Reino and ends with him leaving, kind of a mirror to how the courier in the start of New Vegas is seemingly a new arrival there and then ultimately ‘vanishes’ at the end of the story; Tuesday returned to the Mojave after spending time away and then left at the end when the pressure of taking care of the new New Vegas got to be too much. in El Reino, he arrives back after spending time away and eventually leaves again because of his fear of commitment to a cause, and because of the seemingly insurmountable number of issues in El Reino ruining his love for his hometown.

i think the character whos largely changed the most is Atticus but ive talked enough for an incredibly self-serving post

#noir au

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grumpyangeladvice · 7 years

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am i the only one who gets bothered when people are like “all your feelings are valid! all your memories are valid! no one is wrong! OwO🌸” bc like.............. it is extremely likely that some of the people who claim to be angels and have memories are just using that as a coping mechanism and convincing themselves that they have memories when they don’t, and that is ok i guess but like im just sayin

On the one hand, I understand that it’s good to let people know that their experiences and feelings are valid. There are a lot of people who legitimately need that kind of encouragement, and it’s good that they’re able to get it. On the other hand, I know exactly where you’re coming from, though I’ve got a bit different view on the situation.

(Due to the excessive length of this ramble, I’ve decided to put the bulk of it under the cut. Warning: Wall of text.)

From what I’ve been able to gather (admittedly, it’s not much, but it’s what I have to work with), the biggest reason someone in this community would want to fake having memories is the need to fit in. Let’s be honest, a lot of this community puts way too much stock into having memories and discussing them. If you don’t have any memories to share, it’s easy to feel disconnected from things, and like you don’t really belong. Faking (or forcing) memories is a fairly direct way of being able to engage with that part of the community, and as a result, feel like you’re a part of things.

With that said, I have a lot of issues with people faking (or trying to force) memories, especially because by repeating those false memories, a person can convince themselves they’re true. That makes it harder to dig up actual memories, and helps encourage the misinformation problem this community has going on. (See the string of posts starting with [this] for how I feel about the misinformation part specifically.) It also adds to the problem of people feeling isolated because they don’t have memories to share, and thus encourages more faked memories.

There’s also the point you bring up about the idea that “no one is wrong” when it comes to memories and such. If I had to guess, that whole idea stems from two (largely unrelated) things. The first is the desire to avoid offending anyone, or hurting anyone’s feelings. If no one’s memories are wrong, everyone gets to be equally valid, and no one has to feel bad about things. There’s some problems with that whole arrangement that I’ll get into in a bit here.

The second issue is one that reflects an ongoing problem in the metaphysical community as a whole: a blatant misunderstanding of theoretical physics. In this case, it’s specifically the Many Worlds theory of quantum mechanics. (Why is it always quantum mechanics?) The version that gets thrown around says that there’s infinitely many parallel universes where anything can be possible, because something something infinity, or some nonsense like that. The actual theory is more complex than that, but I’m gonna try providing an explanation as best I understand it. (Note that I have no formal education in physics, including quantum mechanics. I’ve just read a lot and seen some well done television programs on these subjects.)

Many Worlds theory basically says that for every event that can go multiple ways, each of those outcomes occurs simultaneously, with each one branching off into a “parallel universe” (using the term fairly loosely here) where that outcome is the one that “actually” happened. Our limited perception of the universe means that we can only follow one of those paths, however, and as a result we only experience one of those universes. There’s plenty more to it, and there’s a lot of math involved (this is physics, after all), but that covers the part we need to touch on for this ramble.

Now, Many Worlds isn’t widely accepted. There’s actually a lot of debate about it, and evidence in both directions. The important part to take away from this, however, is that Many Worlds does not cover wildly different versions of reality, at least not in reasonable proximity. Sure, there might be a universe where earth developed an atmosphere with a different composition that resulted in a purple sky instead of a blue one, but there’s billions of years between now and then, and the branches are going to be separated by countless other branches along the way.

Combine that with Occam’s Razor, and the simple result is this: If two people have contradictory memories of something from the High Angelic Period, one of them is probably wrong. It might be their mis-remembering something (because memory is rarely perfect), they might be mistaken about something, they might be just making things up to fit in... Whatever the case may be, one of those two people is probably wrong, and this community has some major issues accepting they can be wrong.

Which brings me back to the problem with trying to please everyone. When you’re dealing with metaphysics of any kind, you need to be willing to question just about everything. (This is also good advice for life, but that’s a separate rant.) If someone tells you that the only way to talk to “God” is through them, you question why they’re the only way to do it. If someone tells you that it’s dangerous and/or irresponsible to channel large quantities of energy without invoking a higher power, you question why you need a higher power to do your work for you. (Protip: You generally don’t, if you actually learn to do the work properly to begin with.) Question everything. Ask why things work the way they do. Ask why you feel like doing things a particular way is best. Ask if your memories of past lives are real, or if they’re a figment of your imagination. Because sometimes, what you thought was Absolute Truth turns out to be wrong.

By trying to please everyone, you remove the ability for people to encourage that questioning. Sometimes, you need someone from outside of your worldview to say, “That doesn’t make any goddamn sense. The hell are you thinking?” It forces you to examine your beliefs and figure out if they’re actually right. A lot of the time, you’ll find that your beliefs are right (for you, at least), and that reaffirms your faith. Sometimes, though, you take that hard look at things and realize you need to reassess things. Maybe you realize you can just ring up God on your own, without someone else to pass the message along. Maybe you realize you don’t need higher powers to get things done. Maybe you realize Michael wasn’t a soft smol bean, and was an obedient soldier fulfilling the will of a jealous and angry bastard with a desperate need to assert dominance. (Yes, I am bitter. I am very bitter.)

Sometimes, you need to look someone dead in the eye (metaphorically, in the case of online interaction) and tell them, “I think you’re wrong.” And when that happens, the response shouldn’t be, “Everyone’s valid, no one is wrong, uwu.” It should be more along the lines of either, “I’ve reassessed my beliefs, and I know I am not wrong,” or, “You’re right. I might be wrong about things, and I’m going to work on figuring that out.” I know that it sucks to be wrong about things, but the only way to learn is to accept when you don’t actually know something.

I hate to put it like this, but I can’t think of a better way to phrase this: In a lot of very important ways, this community needs to grow up. I know there are a lot of kids in the community, but I’m damn sure there’s a fair number of adults around who aren’t helping things any. I know there are a lot of people who don’t take us seriously, and a big part of that is that we don’t take ourselves seriously. Start questioning things, both your own shit and other’s. Break up echo chambers and start letting conflicting opinions cross your view. Accept that sometimes, those conflicting opinions are right.

Sure, everyone is valid, but that’s because they’re human beings who deserve respect and kindness, just like everyone else. Not all memories are valid. Some are tainted by pop culture (rants on that are [here] and [here]). Some are faked to try to fit in. Some are just plain wrong. The sooner we start accepting that, the sooner we can start getting a clear image of what actually happened, and start growing as a community.

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sxix · 7 years

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hey wanna read a fucked up thing about quentin tarantino

first off i don’t care how many people see this post i’m mainly putting it here both to ease my mind bc it stresses me out and also bc sometimes i mention this to people and then they want the full story but i don’t feel like typing it out again

i really don’t know how to introduce this bc it’s gonna sound like a bizarre complex lie and i promise it’s not but this is about how elf (u know the 2003 christmas movie starring will ferrell as buddy the elf and zooey deschanel as a department store elf) was originally directed by quentin tarantino and not jon favreau despite what the movie credits/all of the search results in all of google say

this is an extremely long post because i didn’t want to forget any major details and i’m gonna put a read more here so i don’t clog anyone’s dash read it if u feel like it

to answer the question you probably already have, no i do not have a link to this article or any articles like it you will learn why later but unfortunately if u wanna know what the fuck went down during the filming of elf u have to read through this mess im sorry

so in about 2011/2012 (i was about 13/14 at the time) i was researching behind the scenes production stuff and for whatever reason started focusing on the production of elf and ended up finding an article about how quentin tarantino was the original director of elf and jon favreau was part of the cast (the doctor buddy goes to see w his dad) and generally available on set for advice/assistance bc he had more experience with family friendly comedy and stuff and elf was basically quentin tarantino’s first attempt at branching out into different genres (spoiler alert: it did not go well)

before you ask your second question yes i tried to check and see if the site was satire i know satire sites when i see them but on this site the rest of the articles were perfectly normal and about stuff that had actually happened and most of it i had already seen on more popular news/entertainment sites + i also could not find any disclaimer on the site and usually satire sites will provide a legal disclaimer stating that they are in fact satire

the author did not provide their name or exact occupation (you will understand later) and only claimed to have been part of the production team on elf from the beginning to end of filming so they were present for most of the events that happened during principal photography (aka filming)

according to the source quentin tarantino originally came into the film just trying to diversify his work because pretty much all of it was within the realm of crime thrillers and black comedy (also contained a lot of violence and other not family friendly things)

during pre-production and the very beginning of filming he had to get adjusted to the different atmosphere and was overall pretty optimistic about the decision but as time went on he became progressively less confident and comfortable with his involvement in the movie, basically he felt like it was too much of a change and was never able to become fully comfortable with the new style which was seriously impacting his ability to work on the movie so jon favreau ended up having to completely take over at times because quentin would just show up in a horrible mood and have terrible days of necessarily having meltdowns but pretty much everyone could tell he was really not enjoying directing elf

idk the full details because i am writing this just from my memory of what i read and this part of the original article also didn’t contain too much detail but basically what ended up happening is quentin continued losing interest in being part of elf and a good portion of the way through filming (i think they said it was somewhere around 50-65% however at this point jon did have to step in more often than not) quentin basically gave up and worked out a plan to get his name removed from all of the movie’s records

quentin didn’t receive any of the profits he would’ve made from the film and instead divided his earnings primarily between jon and other higher-ups within in the production but also various less significant members of the production team to help out with salaries as well as a few other things

another part of this deal was that anyone who had been on the production team at any point was allowed to talk about quentin’s involvement, especially to the press because it would defeat the purpose of going through all the trouble to get rid of evidence that he was involved in the film. this is also most likely why whoever wrote this article did not provide their name or exact occupation, however they weren’t really legally bound to that agreement because quentin did not want contracts made or signed to ensure compliance w/the no outside communication rule, he felt like having tons of contracts describing the full situation floating around were bound to end up in the wrong hands at some point

since jon had basically taken over directing at that point he was just promoted to being the director of the film instead and the movie’s records were changed to credit jon as the director throughout all phases of the movie

they weren’t so concerned with with people from the general public who noticed the change in direction because a) members of the general public weren’t usually on set and if they were it was definitely not so they could directly interact with the crew b) at the end of the day it was their word against the official credits of the movie so if someone said they thought quentin was the director it could be attributed to an honest mistake/confusion with his other work***

***this is something the article only briefly mentioned since it was just from the perspective of a member of elf’s production team but i think it’s important to note that kill bill (all filmed together but released as vol1 and vol2) was going through its phases of production and release around the same time as elf

this is important because it’s highly possible quentin felt he was working on too many projects at once or simply decided kill bill was the priority and he didn’t have time for more extraneous work he didn’t enjoy

in my opinion i think kill bill was likely a bigger factor in his decision to leave elf than the elf article’s author let on but they did make it very clear that quentin had agreed/decided to direct elf with the intention to see it through to the end and did not make the final decision to leave the film until after it had obviously become more of a burden than anything

i also think his reasoning for erasing his name from the elf wasn’t just general dislike of the movie but rather not wanting it to get mixed up in his other projects that he was known for and actually confident in/proud of especially considering the release dates for elf and kill bill vol. 1 were just under a month apart

now to explain my lack of source: in the article it does state that quentin did not want his involvement to be available even through news publications and anything that was posted either then or later should be removed as soon as it was found

i have scoured every corner of the internet i can think of several times in attempts to find this article again. i don’t remember the name of the website but even if i did i doubt it would help because i’ve done every different keyword search i can think of and come up with absolutely nothing that even comes close to being the original article i read

my best guess is that quentin and/or one of his publicists found the article made sure it was taken down pretty as quickly as possible

i really don’t know what more i can say about this so here is basically all of the previously mentioned information but in a neater format (if u dont feel u need everything reiterated feel free to scroll all the way to the bottom for some additional info and tldr action)

- an article written by someone from elf’s production team (who did not disclose their identity or exact occupation) submitted an article (that i have not been able to relocate since originally reading it in 2011/2012) talking about quentin tarantino being the original director of elf

- no the site was not satire/fake. since i can’t find it i’m not able to provide specific quotes or examples from the article but the person who wrote it went into much more detail about the changes to quentin’s attitude toward over time. considering satire is generally used to expose/criticize behaviors within politics and social issues, it’s just not likely for this to have been satire since quentin tarantino’s secret identity as a romantic comedy director hasn’t really been an important social issue at any point in history.

- jon favreau, the person who is now the only credited director, was available on set both as a minor cast member but primarily to help quentin out when needed with the transition from his usual style to a more family friendly world

- his purpose for directing elf in the first place was to branch out, partially to see if he even enjoyed working with such a different style but also to see how comfortable he was working with such a limited amount of involvement in comparison to his usual work (on elf he only directed but in most of his previous films he at least directed and wrote, however in some he was in charge of even more than that)

- throughout filming he became increasingly less confident and happy with his decision to direct the movie and ultimately decided to leave the film, pass the position of director off to jon favreau and use the money he would’ve earned to instead pay people within elf’s production team both to help cover their salaries and in exchange for removing his name from any and all stored information as well as keep any mention of quentin that could be linked to elf out of the press

- he opted not receive any money from the production or write up any contracts relating to him leaving the film because he did not want any record of his time with it to be accessible by anyone. because he did not want contracts involved, this meant that no one was legally bound to the agreement not to discuss his time as director of the film. as a result, people were able to write articles like the one i’m describing and not risk prosecution, especially if their identity was not disclosed

- jon favreau was chosen as the director because not only is he an accomplished director who has worked on several movies within the same genres as elf, since he had working on the movie since the beginning there was already documentation of his presence on set and directorial choices he made even before quentin’s departure which would make it harder for people to dispute the claim that he had directed the movie from the beginning

- kill bill was also being filmed/released around the same time as elf so i would not be surprised if quentin also did not want his name to be attached to a movie he didn’t enjoy especially when it was being released within the same month of a movie he did enjoy and feel confident in

- the article this post is about cannot be found. i have tried several times to find it because i know this is a very outlandish piece of information to just randomly have with no sources and that is why i’ve tried to explain it as much as i can from memory and summarize things more than once so i don’t leave anything too important out.

- i am assuming that the article was found by quentin himself or a publicist of his and whenever they found it demanded for it to be taken down immediately

- i promise this was not just a really elaborate dream i had and somehow retained the details of. i haven’t really talked about this much until last summer when one of my friends was talking about pulp fiction and i remembered all of this shit that i guess i had been suppressing for whatever reason.

- when i originally discovered the post, i only kind of understood who quentin tarantino even was/had not actually seen any of his movies so i didn’t realize how signifcant the differences were between his work and elf. while i did think the article sounded really strange/unrealistic and checked to see if it was satire (as i do with very article i read that sounds even partially made up), i wasn’t able to appreciate how surreal all of this was and didn’t care about quentin tarantino enough to share the article with anyone and now it’s gone so that’s why i now get to pass this story along through word of mouth as all stories once were

- u may be thinking “wow, this is a pretty elaborate description and analysis of an article you read maybe a couple times four or five years ago”

- shut the fUck up i did not spend hours writing this post and making sure i remembered all of the important stuff for u to be an idiot i am older now and know more things which means i can comprehend what i remember from the article better than i could the first time i read it so fuck u

- i actually do have very good memory especially when it comes to weird shit like this and i love analyzing things let me have fun and educate u on an important scandal at the same time

- also i really don’t know why this person even came forward and wrote the article since they more than likely knew it was going to be taken down asap and didn’t gain anything from it bc they remained anonymous so ?????

basically just what the fuck

tl;dr quentin tarantino directed elf but quit because he hated it and now whenever he finds an article talking about it he makes them delete it so no one finds out he directed elf also if you tell me im lying after i spent several hours making sure i covered everything and even repeated it all to make sure if i left out an important detail the first time it got included the second time i’ll eat apple seeds until i die of cyanide poisoning

#quentin tarantino #elf #will ferrell #p

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