The Colonel and the Sergeant (Part 3)
Fandom: DC, Marvel, The Suicide Squad, Avengers, Rick Flag, Bucky Barnes
Word Count: 10,207
TW: Language, Discussions of Trauma, PTSD, Pregnancy, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff
Series Masterlist
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Alternate Ending
You woke up to a hand trailing lovingly down the side of your face. A wide smile stretched across your lips even before you opened your eyes. You would recognize those calloused fingertips anywhere, and after spending so much time terrified you would never feel them again, every touch sent sparks of joy through your system. Your eyes fluttered open slowly, only to realize you were laying in the bed so close to Rick that you had to stare at him cross-eyed.
“Morning, baby.”
Rick’s gruff, southern accent usually sent pleasure chills down your spine first thing in the morning, but this time, your face scrunched in concern. “’Baby’? You’ve never called me baby before in your life.”
“That’s because I wasn’t talking to you, darlin’.” Rick chuckled as his other hand snaked down to rest on your slightly bloated stomach. Your smile returned tenfold as he softly caressed the exposed skin. He tilted your head back as he leaned over to kiss you at your currently awkward angle. “But morning to you, too.”
A single tear slipped from your eye as your lips melded with Rick’s and he noticed the second you pulled apart. Running his thumb down the damp trail, he asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” you answered breathlessly. “Absolutely nothing’s wrong. I just forget sometimes that you’re real. That you’re okay and you’re still here with me. That it’s all over and we’re free.”
Rick smiled as he kissed your forehead. “You can’t get rid of me that easily. It’ll take more than a chunk of porcelain to take me out.”
“DuBois said almost the exact same thing.” You chuckled. “Speaking of which, I better call them and give them an update. Otherwise, Harley’s likely to march in here and check on you herself.”
“I talked to her like two days ago. I told her I was fine.”
“Yeah, but you know how she is. Besides, I want to make sure they’re still safe too. Waller’s going to try something eventually. She won’t let us get away this easily.” You started looking for your phone. “Did you think any more about where you want to go when we leave here? We’ll need to find a new place to live.”
“Not really, but we’ve got time. They said I’ll need to stay here at least another week so they can monitor my heart. I’m sure we can think of something by then.”
Given everything he had been through, Rick was making amazing progress in the four days he had been awake. However, he was still too weak to get out of bed alone or stay awake for more than a few hours at a time. And sometimes in the middle of a conversation, he would just drift off and completely forget what he had just been talking about.
But to your relief, no matter how bad he got, he had never once forgotten you or the baby. Every time you walked into the room, or his eyes landed on you, a brief instance of terror would grip you as you dreaded seeing a lack of recognition in his eyes. But instead, you were always welcomed by those warm hazel pools which radiated love and tenderness. Then his gaze would drop to your middle and his smile would widen slightly. Every single time.
“We could go to New York. I’m sure Tony would let us stay at the Compound for a while. Especially now that he permanently moved to his cabin upstate with Pepper and Morgan.”
“Is that where Barnes is still living?”
“Rick….”
“Hey, I’m just asking. I think it would be nice to know if we would be living with your ex before we moved in.” He muttered sullenly.
“Rick, he saved your life, and I would never have held it together without him. You’re going to have to get over this. There’s nothing still going on between us. I’m 100% committed to you. You have nothing to worry about.” You leaned over and kissed his forehead.
He looked up at you sheepishly, “Yeah, I know. Sorry, darlin’. It's just… I know you two got closer again while I was out and after seeing the way you two already looked at each other in the bar…. But I’m trying.”
“I know. And I appreciate it. But to answer your question, I have no idea where Bucky is permanently living. I know he’s been staying with Sam down in Delacroix for a while, but I don’t know how long he’ll be there. The last year we were together, we did live at the Compound, but he might have moved out after I left. Either way, if staying there would make you uncomfortable, we can always find som-”
Suddenly, you felt your stomach lurch violently, sending you rushing to the bathroom. You dropped to your knees, sliding on the smooth tile the last few feet and crashing into the toilet just in time to thrust your head inside as your dinner from last night made a reappearance.
After a few minutes, you wobbly got back to your feet and exited the bathroom. Rick’s face was contorted in worry and pain. You knew how badly he wanted to be there for you when you got sick like that. Standing right next to you, rubbing your back and whispering words of encouragement, but he was still far too weak to get out of bed on his own.
So instead, you climbed back into the bed and rested your head on his shoulder. “Ugh. I am not looking forward to months of this.”
“Can’t the doctors give you anything to help?”
“I can ask, but I don’t think so. It’s just a natural part of the process. Unfortunately.”
“Hey, just think, when all this is done, we’ll have the best reward in the world, and it will all be so worth it.” He lightly rubbed his hand across your stomach once more.
“Yeah, says the guy whose part in this is already over.”
“Darlin’, you know I would take this from you in a heartbeat if I could.”
You flinched slightly at the word ‘heartbeat’ but snuggled your cheek against his warm skin. “I know. And that does help.”
“Anything I can do, please, name it and I’ll do it.”
“Thank you, Rick.” He bent over to kiss you, but you pulled away. “Uh, you really don’t want to do that. I didn’t brush my teeth after that little episode.”
“I don’t care. I want you anyway I can get you.” He pressed his lips firmly against yours, throwing in a little more tongue than usual just to prove his point. But you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at his nauseated face when you pulled back. “Okay…. Maybe we wait next time.”
You sat up, grabbed his spare pillow, and smacked him in the face with it. “I warned you, ya jerk.”
Rick chuckled. “Oh, so that’s how it is. Fine by me.” Before you could react, he grabbed his pillow and hurled it at you. Unfortunately, he didn’t realize you were sitting on the very edge of the bed and the momentum of the impact sent you crashing to the floor, your back slamming into the hard tile.
“Darlin'!” Rick tried to reach out to you, but you saw a ripple of pain shoot through him as he moved too quickly.
“I’m fine. Just stay there.” With a groan, you stood up. You could tell you were going to be sore for a while but that was it. However, Rick’s face looked like he had just shot you in the head instead of knocking you off the bed. “Baby, I’m fine. It was an accident.”
“I should have been able to grab you. I should have been able to save you.” Rick growled as he looked down helplessly at his hands.
You rolled your eyes. “Rick, it was a bed, not the Grand Canyon. We’ve done worse to each other. That’s what happens when we get to messing around.”
“Yeah, but before, I would have been able to stop you from falling. But now….”
“You’ve only been awake for four days. It’s going to take some time to get back to normal. You had major heart surgery, twice. Not even Superman could bounce back this quickly.” You went over and took his hand. “And Rick, don’t worry about the little stuff. I don’t care that you didn’t save me from hitting the floor. You saved me when it mattered most. And that’s what’s important.” You kissed his forehead before walking back towards the door.
“Now, since I’m sure you’re still going to pout about this for a while, it seems like a good time for me to go check in with the OB-GYN. She just wants to make sure everything has leveled out after yesterday.”
Rick sat up a little straighter in bed. “Do you want me to see if they’ll wheel me down with you?”
“No, it’s fine. They said it shouldn’t take too long. But I promise, I won’t do a sonogram without you.”
“You’d better not.” Rick grumbled as he crossed his arms across his chest.
“And there’s the pout. Okay, I’ll be back soon.” Blowing him another kiss, you ducked out the room.
As you walked down the hall trying to remember where the OB-GYN’s office was, you scrolled through your contacts on your phone, struggling to think of what name you put Harley’s new burner under. Was it ‘Scary but Sweet’? No, I think that’s Okoye. And who the hell is ‘BB’? That could be like ten people! Beast Boy, Bruce Banner, Blue Beetle, Bucky Barnes, Billy Batson… And this one just says ‘Dick Robin’. Does that mean Dick Grayson or- yep it’s Dick Grayson. Jason’s in here under ‘Asshole Robin’. Ah! Here it is…‘Hell on A RoLler Skate’. Wow. These are either really obvious or WAAYYY too vague. I should probably fix th-
You turned the corner and slammed into someone coming the other way. As you started to topple backwards, you felt a hand wrap firmly around your wrist, catching you just before you hit the floor. You looked up to see a familiar pair of grayish-blue eyes staring back at you.
A small smile spread across your face. “Nice catch, Sarge. Thanks. Man, everyone’s trying to knock me to the ground today.”
Bucky scrunched his face in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“Oh, Rick and I were just messing around and I hit him with a pillow. He retaliated and I fell off the bed.”
“Are you okay?” His face and voice were instantly filled with concern as he scanned you for injuries, but you waved him off.
“Yeah, it was no big deal. I’ve fallen off of Avengers Tower. After that, a bed is nothing.”
“Yeah, but someone was there to catch you. You need to be more careful. Maybe pay more attention to where you are going and less to the phone?” He raised an eyebrow at you pointedly.
You rolled your eyes. “Yes, mom. I was trying to find Harley’s contact info but I have everyone’s number saved with such weird names in case I lose my phone, that I couldn’t remember what I put it under.”
“Really? Like what?”
“Some are really obvious, like, Tony is ‘Tin Man’, Batman is just the bat emoji, Banner is ‘Jolly Green Giant’. Stuff like that. But then some are more complex and I don’t remember who they are supposed to be. Like ‘Quick Direction’. I think it’s Wally West, but I’m only like 75% sure.”
Bucky just stared at you blankly. “I have no idea who that is.”
“Really? He’s one of The Flashs. I always forget you never worked with the Justice League, did you?”
“No, you guys decided it was better I sat out official Avenger business and the one time I did get involved in Wakanda, they were off dealing with their own alien threat, so they weren’t around to help.”
“Oh, yeah, that’s why they weren’t there. Huh, Thanos vs. Darkseid…. I wonder who would have won that fight?”
“Who cares? The good guys won each time. Isn’t that all that matters in the end?”
“I guess.” You sigh, but then slap him playfully on the arm. “So, what are you doing here? Did ya miss me?”
“Always, doll. But actually…I’m here to see Flag.”
You were taken aback. “Really? I figured if you wanted to know how he was doing, you would just call or text.”
Bucky wouldn’t look you in the eye. “He, um, he actually called and asked to see me.”
You were just getting more and more confused. “Really? When? He never mentioned it.”
“I don’t know what to tell you. He just called yesterday and said we had some things to discuss. In private.”
“Oh.” If Rick wanted to talk to Bucky alone, all he had to do was ask. The fact he went behind your back to set it up made something turn in your stomach. And it wasn’t the morning sickness... Okay, it wasn’t just the morning sickness. But you didn’t want Bucky to know it bothered you, so you threw on a forced smile. “Okay, that’s fine. I was just going to check in with the OB-GYN. Just don’t leave without saying goodbye, okay?”
Bucky smiled, relaxing slightly at your perceived acceptance of his presence. “Of course not, doll. I’ll see you soon.” And he headed to Rick’s room.
You waited exactly two minutes before following him. There was a reason Rick didn’t tell you he needed to talk to Bucky, and you were going to find out what it was.
Bucky must have either gotten lost or distracted because he was just entering Rick’s room as you peered around the corner of the connecting hallway. He pushed the door shut but, luckily for you, it remained cracked just the slightest bit. You bolted across the hall and tucked yourself tightly against the wall just outside the door. The voices within the room were slightly muffled, but you could still clearly hear them. Pressing your ear as close to the cracked door as you dared, you caught Bucky in mid-sentence.
“-into her in the hall. She mentioned she’d be gone for a while, so I figured now was a good time to talk.”
“Yeah, she hardly ever leaves my side, not that I’m complaining. But I’m glad we have this chance to talk privately.”
“Me too. For one, I needed to give you this back. I had Sam bring it just in case. But I’m glad I didn’t have to give it to her.” You peaked through the crack just enough to see Bucky hand Rick a small box, but you couldn’t make out what it was.
Rick looked at it a minute before slipping it under his blanket. “Thank you. I should have given it to her a long time ago, but I guess we always think there’ll be time in the future.”
“Colonel-”
“I think after everything that's happened, you can just call me Rick.”
“Okay….Rick…
“I owe you everything for what you did. No, let me finish. I wouldn’t have made it if you didn’t come pick us up as quickly as you did. Then, you stayed here and looked after her like you promised. I don’t think she would have been able to handle everything if you weren’t here for her. And our baby. I know that this whole situation must have been….awkward for you but I appreciate that you stuck it out. I won’t ever be able to repay you for what you did, but if there’s ever anything you need, say the word.”
Guilt and self-loathing flooded your system. You weren’t really sure what you thought Rick wanted to talk to Bucky about but for some reason, this had never crossed your mind. Rick was a proud man, and it must have taken a lot to acknowledge everything Bucky had done when he couldn’t. While you thought it was one of the most touching things you had ever seen, you could understand why Rick wanted to do this in private. And you had to go and stick your big nose into something that had nothing to do with you.
“I appreciate it Col- Rick. But it’s like I told you before. I’ll always be there for her, and I’ll always keep her safe. And if being there for her means being there for you too, I am willing to accept that.”
This was just getting worse and worse. You should not be hearing this. However, just as you were about to walk away, Bucky said, “But, how is she doing…really?”
You froze in your tracks.
Rick sighed heavily. “I don’t know. She says she’s alright but… she had an episode yesterday.”
You flinched. Damn it, Rick. He doesn’t need to know this.
“What kind of episode? What happened? Is the baby…”
“No, no, everything’s fine. She had gone to get something to eat and while she was out, they took me for some tests. I guess she came back early, and something must have triggered her. She ended up in a hysterical ball on the floor. Nothing could calm her down until they brought me back down. And then she spent the next hour sobbing with her head on my chest. But she wouldn’t tell me what happened, she just kept repeating ‘I couldn’t hear it’.”
Now it was Bucky’s turn to sigh. “I think I know what happened. We were both in the room when your heart stopped. She refused to leave so we stood in the corner while they worked on you. She had to watch them cut you open as they tried to manually restart your heart.”
“Jesus…. So, yesterday when she came back and didn’t hear the heart monitor….. She never mentioned any of that.” You could hear the horror and regret in Rick’s voice, and it was exactly for that reason you hadn’t told him.
Rick already felt bad enough for everything that happened, he didn’t need to know how awful it had really gotten. How the image of his exposed heart still haunted you. How when you had come back to the room yesterday and only heard silence, it brought you straight back to that moment when you thought you had lost him for good. How frequently, random waves of fear and panic would suddenly overtake you and it could only be calmed by the sound and feeling of his beating heart. He didn’t need to know this experience had broken something inside of you.
“Does that really surprise you? She doesn’t want you to see how badly those few days damaged her, but they did. She handled things the best she could but between what happened to each of you in Corto Maltese, the baby, worrying about your team and your boss…. It was a lot to handle all at once.”
You hated that Bucky still knew you so well after all this time. You hated that he could see through the bullshit fronts and happy faces you put on to try to convince everyone you were fine. And you hated that he was telling Rick the words you were too scared to say. And honestly, it was too much to handle.
You hurried away from Rick’s room and back down the hall towards the OB-GYN’s office, wishing you had never tried to listen in on their conversation.
When you returned to the room an hour later, neither you nor Rick mentioned the conversation with Bucky or the topics that were discussed. You slowly began to relax, thinking that maybe it would all just go away. But as you found out the next morning, it didn’t.
As you bent down to straighten out his sheets, you saw Rick staring at your neck. “Hey, I just noticed, what happened to your necklace?” He started to trace his fingers across your throat, but you immediately jerked away. Realization slowly spread across his face as he pulled his hand back. “Oh, darlin’. I’m sorry… I didn’t know….”
“No, it’s okay. I’m… I’m dealing with it.” You really weren’t but you didn’t want Rick to have another thing to worry about. He didn’t need to know that anytime anything got close to your throat, it sent you back to the moment that Peacemaker loomed over you with his hands wrapped around your neck. How, sometimes when you closed your eyes, you could still feel his fingers tightening as it grew harder and harder to breathe and your vision began to blur and you got dizzy and everything started to fade-
“Hey, hey, it’s alright.” Rick rubbed your hand gently as your eyes snapped to his concerned face.
“What?”
“Darlin’, you were startin’ to hyperventilate, and your eyes went a little crazy for a minute. Are you sure you’re okay? Do you- do you want to talk to someone?”
You pulled your hand away roughly. “I told you I’m fine. We have enough to worry about without you creating more problems from nothing.”
“It’s okay not to be okay with what happened. He almost killed you. That’s not nothin’.” He reached out and took your hand once again. After a beat, he softly said, “Bucky told me what happened when my heart stopped. That you had to watch it all happen….. Why didn’t you tell me?”
You tried to pull your hand away again, but Rick gripped it too tightly. “Because it doesn’t matter. And it has nothing to do with the other thing. You’re here now. You’re fine.”
“But you obviously aren’t. Talk to me darlin’, let me help you.” Your lip began to tremble, and Rick cupped your cheek in his palm. “Please.”
All your defenses, all the walls you had tried to put up, crumbled at his touch. For the first time since he had woken up, you let yourself fall apart. Rick pulled you into his chest, one hand soothing your hair as the other rubbed your back. You could feel his fresh scar pressing into your cheek and it made you sob harder. “I was so scared. From the moment we were separated in Jötunheim until the moment you opened your eyes in the hospital, I was living in absolute terror. First Peacemaker almost killing me, then you almost dying, then the building collapsing and the gigantic fucking space starfish destroying the city, then dealing with Waller and trying to keep the squad safe, then waiting for Bucky, unsure if you were going to make it, then worrying about the baby, then your heart stopped, then not know if you were ever going to wake up or what condition you would be in if you did, then constantly afraid Bucky was going to get fed up and leave, then, finally, you woke up. It was so much, too much. And I can’t… I can’t forget any of it! It just keeps playing on loop in my head! I just… just want… I just want to forget!”
“I’m sorry, darlin’, I’m so sorry. But it doesn’t work that way. You can’t just wave a magic wand and make those things disappear. What you are going through, what you are feeling, it is just as much of an injury as my chest. And just like you told me this morning, injuries take time to heal. But they also need someone to help heal them. You need to go talk to someone about this. Don’t try to tough this out on your own. It’s okay to say you need help.”
He tilted your head so you were looking into his eyes. “You seem to think you’re the only one of us who can’t live without the other. But I can’t lose you either. I need you to be okay.” He lightly rubbed his hand over your stomach. “We need you to be okay. So, whatever that means, whatever you have to do to come to terms with everything that happened, do it. And I’ll be right here to help in any way that I can.”
You laid your head back on Rick’s chest with a small sob. “I know, but it’s so hard. Sometimes, I feel okay. Like even though it’s still nagging at the back of my mind, I can deal with it. Then other times it’s all consuming. And I never know what’s going to trigger it.”
“Is that why you’re not wearing your necklace? Is it too tight? Bringing back the memories?”
You shook your head sadly. “No, I’m sorry, Rick. I lost it. He must have broken it off back in Jötunheim. I didn’t even notice it was missing until they were examining my bruises on the Quinjet.” You had loved that delicate heart necklace so much and hadn’t taken it off once since Rick had given it to you on your one-year anniversary. You had been devastated when you discovered it was missing and had tried so hard not to see it as a bad omen as Rick had laid in front of you with an injured heart.
“Ah, it’s okay. I can always get you another one. Or a better one.”
“But it was special. It was a symbol of our love.”
“Darlin’, it was just a piece of metal. Just because you don’t have it anymore doesn’t mean I love you any less.”
“Well, you might love me less after this. I think I got snot all over you.” You mumbled softly.
Rick chuckled as he kissed the top of your head. “That’s okay. I’m pretty sure I got blood all over you the other day, so we’ll call it even.”
You snuggled deeper into Rick as you whispered, “I love you. And I need you.”
“I love you and I need you too. Now, why don’t we both get some rest, and we’ll figure everything out when we wake up. Okay?”
“Okay.” You didn’t know how you were supposed to sleep after that conversation, but soon, with the sound of Rick’s steady heartbeat in your ear, you found yourself drifting off into a dreamless slumber.
Rick held the door open as you exited the restaurant. It was the first time since he left the hospital that the two of you had gone out to a nice dinner. Rick was still nowhere near 100%, but you were incredibly proud of the progress he had made over the last two months. He was still weaker than usual and tired out quickly, but he was on his feet and back to many of his normal day-to-day activities. In fact, he had been a big help around the apartment as you already started getting things prepared for the baby.
He had also been a big help as you struggled to deal with your trauma. The specialist you had been seeing was helping, but as Rick often reminded you, it wasn’t an overnight fix. You still frequently woke up gasping for air or crying out terrified for Rick. But he never complained. He would just silently pull you tightly into his chest, letting you hear and feel his heartbeat as he rubbed your back until you calmed down.
But right now, at this moment, as the two of you walked arm in arm down the street, those horrors from the past were the furthest thing from your mind. Instead, all you could think about was the joys of the present and the future. You just wanted to stay like this forever.
So, when Rick suggested a short walk through the park to work off dinner, you eagerly agreed. You had been feeling pretty cooped up in the apartment lately and a late-night stroll seemed like the perfect remedy. The night air was cool but not yet cold and the light from the full moon shone through the tops of the trees. It was an absolutely perfect night.
As the two of you approached the fountain at the far end of the park, Rick pulled you to a stop. “I got you something.”
“Rick, you didn’t hav-”
He pulled a long velvet jewelry box from his pocket. Handing it to you, he nodded. “Open it.”
You lifted the lid and exhaled softly when you saw what was inside. “Is this…is this yours?”
Rick beamed at the astonished joy on your face. “Yep. I got a copy of my EKG before I left the hospital and found a place that turns it into jewelry. So now, even if you can’t hear it, you carry it with you.”
You closed your eyes as your finger lightly traced the ups and downs of the metal heartbeat in your hand. When you got to the end, you moved your finger back to the beginning and traced it again. Over and over you repeated that motion, a smile blooming across your face. As you opened your eyes, tears blurred your vision. You whispered, “It feels like you.”
Rick took the box from your hands and removed the necklace. Moved behind you, he draped it gently around your neck, careful to not touch your throat. The long chain dangled the charm just above your heart. “I made sure it was long enough that you wouldn’t feel it around your neck. Plus, they were having a special, so I got two. That way, if something ever happens to this one, you still have a backup.”
It was all too much. Tears began trickling from your eyes as you turned to look at him. Taking his face in your hands, you began peppering his cheeks with light kisses. “You sweet-” kiss “- amazing-” kiss “-wonderfully-” kiss “-perfect man. I love you so much. Thank you-” kiss “-thank you-” kiss “-thank you.” You placed one final kiss on his lips.
Rick blushed as he cleared his throat. “And there’s one more thing-”
But you cut him off. “Rick, I don’t need anything else. You have given me everything I could ever dream of. And so much more.” You rested your hand on your swollen stomach. “I love the necklace, I really, really do, but you don’t have to get me stuff like this. As long as I have you, it is more than I deserve.”
Rick chuckled nervously. “Well, you’re kinda stepping on my moment, darlin’. But….” He reached into his pocket as he collapsed to the ground.
You took a worried step forward, concerned he had pushed himself too far and his strength had given out. But you stopped as you noticed he was resting on one knee. Holding out a ring box.
All the air immediately left your lungs and all you could muster was a soft, “Oh…”
“I’m sorry it’s taken me so long. I should have done this the moment we first kissed because that’s when I knew I never wanted to kiss anyone else ever again. That’s when I knew I wanted to spend every day for the rest of my life by your side. And that’s when I knew I wanted you to have this.” He opened the box and you gasped.
You reached out your hand and your finger lightly brushed against the diamond within. “Your mother’s ring.”
Rick’s smile stretched even further. “You remembered.”
“Of course, I remembered. I know how much it means to you.” You had only seen the ring once before. When Rick was moving into your apartment back in Louisiana, you had found a box that held some watches, his father’s Purple Heart, and this ring. He said it was his mother’s wedding ring and she had left it to him when she passed away. It was one of the few things of hers that he had. You remembered the love radiating off him as he looked at it and you had thought, for a brief second, what it would look like on your hand. It seemed that you were about to find out.
He took it out of the box and slipped it gently onto your finger. “It’s a perfect fit. My very own Cinderella.”
“And my very own prince charming.” You wrapped your arms around him as you pulled him to his feet with a deeply passionate kiss. You slid your hands up, running them through his hair as you pulled him closer. But just as his hands began to slide down to your hips, you realized something.
Pulling your mouth off of his, you muttered, “Rick…. I think you forgot something.”
“What?” He asked breathlessly as he began showering your neck with kisses.
“You never actually asked…”
He froze for a second before growling. “Damn it. You’re right.” Dropping back to one knee, he held open the now empty ring box. “Well, darlin’, what do you say? Will you marry me?”
“Of course, you idiot! I just needed to actually hear you say those words. But of course, I’ll marry you!” You threw yourself at him yet again. But for the first time, the arms that you fell into were those of your fiancée’s.
Two months later, you lounged on the bed looking over the guest list for the baby shower one more time. You absentmindedly ran your fingers through Rick’s hair as he laid with his head resting on your mountain of a stomach, his hands lightly roaming your tightly stretched skin. He was softly murmuring words you couldn’t make out, but the vibrations and tone of his deep voice soothed your soul.
This kid was already obsessed with his or her daddy. Every time Rick got anywhere near you, the baby somehow sensed it was him and started moving like crazy. A few nights ago, you had to kick Rick out of bed just so you could get some sleep. But Rick was just as obsessed, and it was almost impossible to get him to keep his hands off of you. Whether the two of you were in public or private, his fingers would dance across your middle as they drew tiny circles or his arms would wrap around you from behind, hands resting on your bump. You would try to push him off, but secretly, you loved how much he cared.
You sighed loudly. “Harley’s going to kill us when we tell her she can’t come.”
“Why can’t she come?”
“Seriously Rick? How are we supposed to invite the Squad, the Avengers and the Justice League? Can you just imagine Clark chatting to DuBois about the time he put him in the ICU? Or Bruce and Harley discussing how terrible the Joker is? Not to mention the Squad doesn’t know anyone’s secret identities and I doubt the League would be willing to share that information with their adversaries. Do you have any idea how long it took me to convince them to let me tell you? The Avengers might be open about who they really are under the masks, but the League takes their privacy very seriously. Maybe we can have a small party with just the six of us later. Harley still won’t be happy but it’s better than nothing.”
“And what do you plan to do about the wedding?”
“Fuck… I hadn’t thought about that….. Oh well, we’ve got time to figure something out. This party is priority number one at the moment.”
Your phone buzzed on the nightstand next to you. You grinned as you quickly read the text. “Bucky says he just wants to give us a heads up. Sam’s gift is apparently a little alarming so we should be prepared.”
“But he didn’t say what it was?”
“No. But I swear to God if Sam got a little baby wingsuit, I will kill him.”
Rick just chuckled. “That would be pretty cute though.”
“Oh, don’t you start getting any ideas. I really should put my foot down on costume-based presents though. As egotistical as some of our friends can be, they’re probably all planning on showing up with miniature versions of their suits.”
Rick sat up, eyes twinkling. “We could create the perfect hybrid superhero! Superman’s cape, Batman’s cowl, Wonder Woman’s lasso, Green Lantern’s ring, Bucky’s arm, Falcon’s wings, Captain America’s shield, Ironman’s blasters, Hawkeye’s b-”
“How in the world would you expect someone to have all of that in one costume, especially a baby?”
Rick shrugged. “I don’t know. But it sounds cool.” He settled back down on your stomach and resumed his muttering.
You sent Bucky a quick thank you and good night text. When his final response came back, you couldn’t help but stare at the Goodnight, doll. You loved that he still called you that. It still warmed a little hidden part of your heart and reminded you of your time together. But you also worried that it might be doing the same thing for him. That by continuing with his pet name for you, he was still holding onto something that was no longer possible. He needed to find his next ‘doll’.
Putting the phone down, you sighed loudly. “I just wish Bucky could find someone. He’s such an amazing guy and he deserves to be as happy as we are.” You lean over and kiss Rick on the cheek. He just grunted in response. He had loosened up a little when it came to your ex, but you knew he still felt a little insecure when you started to praise him like that. But he was trying, so you let it slide.
Glancing back at the guest list, you did a double take as your eyes landed on one name in particular. It couldn’t work, the answer couldn’t be that obvious…could it? You sat up straighter as you quickly ran through all the pros and cons you could think of, lips pursed, and eyes squinted in concentration.
Rick noticed your shift in demeanor instantly as you tensed beneath him. Turning around and putting a hand gently on your cheek, he asked concernedly “Darlin’? You okay?”
You looked down at him, astonishment and excitement now beaming in your face. “It’ll work! I mean it’s so perfect I can’t believe I didn’t see it before!”
Rick’s concern quickly shifted to confusion. “What are you talking about? What’ll work?”
“Bucky! I know the perfect person to set him up with!”
Rick rolled his eyes. “Darlin’, I know you care about him and want him to be happy, but Bucky’s a grown-ass adult. He doesn’t need you meddling in his love life.”
“But it’s perfect, Rick! They both need someone in their life and are too afraid to get out there and find it for themselves. It’ll be good for both of them.”
“Well, who are you even talking about?” When you told him, Rick just laid there for a moment, deep in thought. Finally, he sighed, “I hate to admit it, but I think you’re right. Those two would be perfect for each other.”
“SEE!!! I TOLD YOU!!!” You reached over and grabbed your phone, frantically scrolling through your contact list. But before you could hit call, Rick snatched your phone from your hands. “Hey!”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m calling her. I want to see when she could be available to meet him.”
“Y/N, you can’t just throw those two into a room alone and expect anything to happen. That’s too much pressure.” Your face fell and Rick sighed. “Look, they’re both coming to the baby shower. Why don’t you just introduce them then? That way, it is more casual and less stressful.”
You perked back up instantly. “That’s a perfect plan! You’re brilliant! No wonder I agreed to marry you.”
“I thought it was for my devilish good looks?”
“Nah, it’s actually just because you knocked me up. The other stuff is just a bonus.” You pulled his face down to meet yours, and the conversation was soon forgotten.
You waited until Rick was fast asleep, his light snores the only thing breaking the silence of the night. Then, you slipped quietly from bed, grabbed your phone, and shuffled out to the living room. You scrolled through your contacts until you found the one listed as 💙💙 and hit call.
He picked up on the second ring. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Is it the baby?” Bucky’s voice was hoarse and sluggish, but you were too excited to care.
“Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine. I just had something I wanted to ask you about.”
“….Doll, do you realize it’s three-thirty in the morning?”
You glanced at the clock as you blushed. I guess it took Rick longer to fall asleep than I thought. “Oh shit. I’m sorry about that, Sarge. I just had an idea, and I was so excited to ask you about it. I can call back later.”
“Well, I’m already awake, you might as well ask now.”
“Ok. So, I was thinking…CanIsetyouupwithsomeone? IknowyousaidnobeforebutIhavetheperfectperson!”
A weary sigh came from the other end of the phone. “…...Three-thirty in the morning, doll. You’re going to have to slow it down.”
“Sorry, sorry. I said can I set you up with someone? I know you said no before but I have the perfect person.”
“That’s what you woke me up to ask? Seriously?”
“I know and I’m sorry again, but I just thought of the ideal person for you. She is stunning, crazy smart, and one of the most amazing fighters I have ever met. And I really think you two would have a lot in common.”
“Really? Was she also born in the early 20th century, became a soldier in WW2, was captured and brainwashed to be an assassin for seventy years, then lost the love of his lif-” He froze as he realized what had just slipped from his half-conscious mouth.
But you just brushed it off. “See? This is exactly why you need to get out there and find someone new. Yes, what we had was great. But I am not the be-all end-all when it comes to women. In fact, I’m not even that great. I’m too snarky, I’m bossy, I snore like a chainsaw-”
“You have no respect for other people’s sleep…”
“Exactly! See? I suck! But my friend is amazing! And you guys have more in common than you think. Even Rick thinks you two would be great together! Please just give it a chance! She’s going to be at the baby shower, so at least let me introduce you.”
Silence.
“Please, Buck. I just want you to be happy.”
“…….Fine. You can introduce us. But I’m not making any promis-”
Your squeal cut him off. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! You’re going to love her!”
“Oh, god. I’m regretting this already. Don’t get your hopes up. I’m just agreeing to meet her. What’s her name?”
You smiled broadly. “Nope! I’m not telling you anything. You have to wait and find out. But I’m keeping you both on an even playing ground. I’m not telling her about you either. I want you both to be surprised.”
“Doll…. I don’t think that’s a good idea. I mean, I have a pretty complicated past. I don’t want her thinking I’m going to be something I’m not.” He sounded so crestfallen and forlorn it almost brought you to tears.
“Bucky, listen to me once and for all. You are an incredible person. And it’s not despite the horrible things that happened to you, that you did. Those things shaped you into the amazing man I was proud to call mine for years. Sure, it didn’t work out, but I still think you are one of the best men I have ever met. And I wish I didn’t have to keep trying to convince you of that.” Bucky started to say something, but you cut him off. “And don’t you dare say it was because of me. Steve told me about the brave, loyal, wonderful person you were before HYDRA and that had nothing to do with me. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and let yourself have a good life. Regardless of what you think, you do deserve it. So, suck it up and get excited to meet my friend.”
There was another long silence before, “Wow… you weren’t kidding when you called yourself bossy. You know, that’s a real turn off. If this is the person you are now, I’m glad I got out of our relationship when I did.”
“You mock, but you haven’t seen how bossy I can get now. Try wrangling the Squad every day. It’ll teach you a thing or two.”
He chuckled. “I think I’ll just take your word on that.” His tone turned more serious. “But, honestly, thank you, doll. It’s nice to know you’re still looking out for me.”
“Always, Sarge. Now, try to get some sleep. You never know when your next sleep-deprived pregnant ex is going to call and wake you up.”
“Ha ha. God, I hope not. Good night, doll.”
“Good night, Buck.”
You ended the call, but you weren’t quite done yet. Once again looking through your contacts, you stopped on ☂️. Pressing call, you raised the phone back to your ear.
“Hey, I’m sorry I’m calling so late…. Yeah, I kind of figured you’d still be up. Listen, this might sound crazy, but I’d really like to set you up with my friend….”
The baby shower was going better than you expected. All of your friends, minus the Squad (you really hoped Harley didn’t crash the party), had shown up and it was the first time you had seen many of them in person in years. Bruce had been kind enough to pay to close down the park where Rick proposed. With a pavilion and playground at the center and trees bordering the edges that created the perfect shield against prying eyes, it was the ideal location to host a party full of guests who preferred to remain concealed from outsiders.
It was always funny seeing the Avengers and the Justice League get together out of costume. The Avengers were always relaxed and laid back as they were used to being around each other out of uniform as much as in uniform. But the League members, who only rarely socialized as a large group outside of work, all seemed slightly jumpy and on edge in just their civilian clothes. The two teams had been working together for years, but it never seemed to matter. However, it just made you more grateful everyone agreed to come.
Rick walked over to stand next to you at the dessert table. Mumbling under his breath, he said, “Jesus. How many Bats are there? I counted at least 10.”
You shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t even know at this point. I just told Bruce to invite everybody.” You handed him a cupcake. “I was just about to go talk to Bucky about the thing. Are you sure you don’t want to be there?”
“Yeah, darlin’. I think it would be better with just the two of you.”
“And you’re sure you’re okay with this?”
“You’ve made it pretty clear you want him to be a part of your life. If that’s the case, we might as well make it official.”
You stood on your toes to kiss Rick on the cheek. “Thank you, baby. It means a lot. And I know it would mean a lot for Bucky to hear you say it too.”
“Nope, this one’s all on you. But I wish you luck.” Swiping another cupcake off the table, Rick scurried back over to where Tony and Steve were talking with Clark and Bruce. You shook your head as you headed off to find Bucky.
It didn’t take you very long. He was chatting with Sam, Arthur, and Barry by the swings and as soon as he saw you, his eyes lit up. Motioning for him to come meet you, he excused himself and was at your side in seconds.
“Hey, doll. What’s up? Are you having fun?”
“I am. But I was hoping to talk to you in private for a minute if that’s okay.”
Bucky’s smile wavered slightly. “Is this about your friend? I don-”
“Oh no.” You cut him off sharply. “You are not getting out of that. She’s not here yet, but as soon as she is, I am introducing you two. You got that?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He ducked his head but peaked up at you from beneath his eyelashes. God, he still knows how to push my buttons.
“No, I actually wanted to talk to you about something else.” You took his hand and began heading towards the tree line at the other end of the park.
As you walked, he asked, “How are you doing? You know, with…everything.”
You smiled sadly. “Better. I’ve been seeing someone, and it’s been helping.” Your free hand absentmindedly begins tracing the heartbeat necklace around your neck. “I still have some things I’m struggling to deal with, but it is a lot better than it was.”
Bucky gave your hand a slight squeeze. “I’m glad to hear it. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength. A wise woman told me that once.”
“Ah, yes. She sounds very brilliant to come up with something so profound. Either that or she read it on a motivational poster when she was in middle school.”
Bucky stopped in his tracks. “Really? Damn. I really took that to heart.”
“Hey, it’s still true no matter where I heard it.” You turned so you were staring directly into Bucky’s eyes. “Listen, I need to ask you something and if you don’t want to or if you feel uncomfortable, I’ll totally understand. I don’t want to pressure you into this, but I also can’t think of anyone I would rather ask. I wanted to know…. Will you be the baby’s godfather?”
Bucky blinked in surprise. “Me? You want me to be…. Are you sure?”
“Of course, you idiot. Who else did you think I would ask?”
“I mean, Steve, Sam, Tony, DuBois, somebody in the League.”
“Eh, Steve’s too much of a goodie-goodie. He wouldn’t let the kid have any fun. Sam, on the other hand, would let them have way too much fun. Tony and I are on okay terms but we’ve never been the same since he found out I knew you… well you know. DuBois is a great friend, but his parenting skills leave much to be desired. And I like everyone in the Justice League and we’re friends and everything, but not for something like this.” You could still see the worry on Bucky’s face. “Listen, Buck, you can say no. I won’t be mad. I get this is still a weird situation and if I’m overstepping some boundary or something, please let me know.”
“No! It’s not that… What does Rick think?”
“Like I would give him a choice if he tried to fight me on this.” You snorted teasingly before turning serious. “But honestly, he agrees with my choice. He wouldn’t be here to raise his kid if you hadn’t saved us. And that’s good enough for him. He said there was no one else he could think of who was worthy of this position.” This was partly due to the fact Rick didn’t have many non-criminal friends left after spending so long on Task Force X, but Bucky didn’t need to know that. “He thought you might be a little uncomfortable if he was here too, so he asked me to do this on my own. But right before I went to find you, he said, and I quote, ‘You’ve made it pretty clear you want him to be a part of your life. If that’s the case, we might as well make it official’. That’s pretty much a glowing endorsement coming from him.”
Bucky looked absolutely speechless with his mouth agape and his eyes blinking wildly. Finally, he managed to stutter, “A-and you’re sure?”
You placed your hands on either one of Bucky’s shoulders. “Sarge, no matter what happens, no matter what you decide, I will always love you. Maybe not in the way I once did, but I don’t want to lose you again. I won’t. And if this is too much, that’s fine. We can take baby steps. But I need you. I need you in my life, in my baby’s life, and I will take as much or as little of you as you are willing to give. But I can’t-” Your voice began to crack as you wiped away a tear from your eye. “I can’t walk away again. I can’t go another three years without seeing you, without talking to you. Outside of Rick and this baby, you are the closest thing to family I have and I’m not losing you. Not again.”
You grabbed both of his hands forcefully in yours as tears streamed down both of your faces. “I know I let you down once before, but I swear to you, this time will be different. I’ll never let go. I promise. Just please, give this a chance. I just want my friend back….my best friend back. Please.”
Bucky looked down at you, and for the first time, you noticed his gaze was different. Behind the tears, his eyes still shone with the same affection, but the haunted pain of loss was missing. He looked lighter, more like the Bucky from before you left.
“I’ve been thinking really hard about everything that has happened the last few months and I realized you were right. I’m not really in love with you anymore. I haven’t been for a while. I was in love with the version of you from when we were together. But the more time I spent with you, the more I realized we’ve both changed in the past three years. Neither one of us are those same people who met in the streets of DC. I am not that lost soldier looking for a light in the dark, and you are not the confused agent looking for a purpose. Those people needed each other but not anymore.
“And I do still love you. I will always still love you…. I’m just no longer in love with you. But everything else I felt for you is still the same. I would still do anything, risk anything, give up anything for you. I still want nothing more than your happiness and I am so thrilled that you’ve found it with Rick and with your baby. And yeah, things are still going to be a little awkward at first while we figure this out, but I can’t lose you either.” He squeezed your hands back with just as much force. The two of you stood there for a long time, basking in the knowledge you had finally reached a perfect understanding in your relationship.
Finally, you wiped away your remaining tears as you said, “Umm…. I hate to ruin the moment, but you never really gave me an answer.”
Bucky smiled. “Of course, doll. I would be honored to be the godfather.” He wrapped you in a big hug that you happily returned. It had none of the tension or awkwardness you had come to expect from these embraces. It just felt warm and comforting.
When you pulled away, he bent down and placed his vibranium hand on your stomach. “You hear that little one? I’m going to be your godfather.” He lowered his voice into a stage whisper, glancing up at you out of the corner of his eye. “And we’re going to get into so much trouble, your mama’s gonna regret this decision.”
Before you can make a witty comment back, you felt a strong kick aimed right at Bucky’s hand. He jerked it back in surprise, then gazed up at you in amazement. You laughed, “Yeah, that happens. It’s just the baby’s way of saying hi.” He looked back at your stomach, a look of absolute awe on his face so pure it almost brought tears to your eyes again.
But instead, you offered him your hand. “Come on, godfather. We should probably be getting back.”
He took it and you pulled him to his feet. “Yeah, I have to go rub this in Sam and Steve’s faces. They’re going to be so jealous. Godfather, wow. If you would have told me six months ago this is where we would have ended up, I would have never believed you.”
“You know,” you said, linking arms with Bucky as you begun walking. “I often wonder what would have happened if you hadn’t walked into that bar that night. If we hadn’t talked, cleared the air some, would I have had the courage to call you when I needed help? It was hard enough doing it then, but calling you out of the blue after three years to ask you to save my boyfriend? I don’t think I could have done it. And then Rick probably wouldn’t still be here. I’ve never really believed in fate, but…It makes you think, doesn’t it?”
“It really does… Doll, I just want you to know, I-”
“Oh my god, she’s here!” You instantly dropped Bucky’s arm as you hurried to reach the new arrival at the party.
As you approached, she opened her arms wide, and you barreled into her. “How are you, my lovely? You look breathtaking.”
You blushed slightly as you tighten your grip around her waist. “I’m so happy to see you! It’s been forever!”
“Yes, it has been too long.” She glanced up to see who you were just walking with, and you watched a slight shift in her face.
Your smile widened, as you whispered, “That’s my friend I told you about.”
“There is an air about him, the way he holds himself. It reminds me of…”
“I thought that might be the case.” You grabbed her hand. “Let me introduce you.”
Half walking, half dragging, the two of you approach where Bucky had stopped. His cheeks were a deep shade of red you hadn’t seen in a long time. Your two friends stared shyly at one another, but you could already tell that they each were recognizing a kindred spirit. As your smile stretched so far it was painful, you made your introductions. “D, this is Sergeant James Barnes, but you can call him Bucky. Buck, may I introduce you to Diana Prince. Or as you might know her, Wonder Woman.”
You and Rick stood on the other side of the pavilion, quietly watching as Bucky and Diana talked. You couldn’t hear what they were saying, but you saw Bucky smiling from ear to ear as Diana spoke, his shining eyes never leaving her face. You beamed as you leaned into Rick’s chest.
“I told you they would like each other. I mean, there are very few people left who would understand what it was like living back in the 30’s and 40’s, they’ve both fought in at least one World War, they’ve both had to lose people they care deeply about, they’re both crazy talented fighters as well as being unbelievably strong, and, coincidentally enough, they both care deeply for a man named Steve. Speaking of which, I’ve always said that her morals and views on the world basically made her a female Steve Rogers. Or I guess she’s older, so it makes him a male Diana Prince. But either way…”
You gasped and clutched Rick’s arm frantically as you watched Diana reach out and softly brush against Bucky’s hand. His left hand. “Oh, my god, Rick! He let her touch his left arm! And he seems okay with it! Do you know how long it took him for me to even look at it without him flinching! Ahhh! I told you!” You practically squealed as you barely refrained from jumping up and down. “Oh my god! They’re going to have such cute kids!”
“Woah, hold your horses, darlin’. One thing at a time. Maybe let ‘em talk for more than ten minutes before you start jumping to those kinds of things.” Rick sighed. “I guess it’s true what they say. As soon as a woman has a baby, she wants all her friends to have one too.”
You elbowed him in the stomach. “Oh, shut up. But tell me I’m wrong. Plus, with his Super Soldier DNA and her….whatever powers, that kid would be unstoppable.”
Rick’s eyes got huge. “Oh my god, you’re right! Did we just orchestrate the creation of the perfect superhuman?”
“Who’s ‘we’? This was all me! My evil mad scientist plans are coming to fruition!” You cackled as you rubbed your hands together maniacally.
Rick shook his head, but there was a wide smile on his face. “So, this is who I choose to marry, huh? The world’s next super villain?”
“Hey, you could do worse,” you said with a shrug.
Rick leaned down, stopping just before his lips touched yours. “No, darlin’. I don’t think I could do better.”
And as you pressed against your fiancée’s lips, while your baby softly shifted within you, and your best friend chatted happily nearby, you realized you had never been happier.
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