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n0bluev · 2 months

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redraw(ish) link

Um. Actually, ☝️, Geto is fun. (No offense but skill issue, Gojo. (☝️.))

___

Very random impromptu god gojo AU thingy ??? I got the idea 5 seconds before drawing this (: brain empty….!! big eyes !!!eyes… GOJO? Gojo has eyes…- "BIG" eyes……..,'God' coded? Lets go with that.) and only thought a little while drawing so theres not much lol

But uhm.; So gojo is a young god ™ (around 20yo, typical gojo.) but despite that, he’s been overpowering other gods who have been there for thousands of years since the moment he was born (breaking the balance of the world as he does) so thats fun -- gods are immortal but he "doesnt count" yet right? his existence is an insult to the rest of the world. ‘Elders dont like him’ (that goes both for old gods AND old worshipers.) [<—aka ‼️OVERPOWERED YOUNGSTER OLD PEOPLE DONT LIKE ✅ (CHECK!) VERY GOJO!]

Theres a worship system thing going on in this AU ; A lot of people are very religious and follow these gods and whatnot (but there are probably groups that reject this lifestyle, or that sought out taboo methods instead, staying away from places where strict laws rule) [hashtag insert worldbuilding] —— GETO (born same year as « gojo ») HAS BEEN BROUGHT UP IN THIS SYSTEM SINCE A RELATIVELY YOUNG AGE AND IS FULLY EDUCATED ABOUT THE MANNERS AND RITUALS HE SHOULD DO AND BLABLABLA. Theres a hierarchy in the church/cult thing so theres higher ups for him to dislike while politely kissing ass (amen). Idk what he thinks of the gods (it’s between him being a model worshiper that truly has faith in them & him secretly having something against them for some reason, only believing in his own gatekeep girlbossness or something¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

EITHER WAY. he goes to meet gojo at some point. Probably because he has been asked to. Maybe the story is about (/or at least starts with) elders ™ deciding they want to find ways to control / restrain gojo (idk), leading to satosugu eventually teaming up to say fuck that.

Something something geto being « favoured by a god [gojo] » thus having a definite place in this world and gojo feeling like geto’s existence « grounds him » and gives him proper meaning in what to use his strength for and whatnot. Whatever (i doubt im going to write this so im not gonna elaborate lol sorry (i love me some character psychology but 💤💤)) Something something they are a destined cosmic pair your honour. Hashtag soulmates in every universe including this one HAh

Kind of an afterthought but: Gojo adopting megumi is definitely canon here too so 👍👍👍👍 (megumi is probably human but idk, as long as theyre wholesome im sold <3<3) SO LIKE, SOME PLOT HAS TO HAPPEN TO MAKE THEM FAMILY YKNOW - but deal with that yourself 😌(💤) (unless i come back to this idea with some deranged brainrot i didnt ask for + the will to create & share it✌️)

(Ps i decided gojo can change size so he can be human sized (oooo sneaky!), but ‼️‼️he can also be pocket size‼️‼️(i think thats the most important to note thank you v much), hes not stuck on giant mode yay :D)

___

Everythings so sketchy haha, BUT GETO YOUR HONOUR! ah…no earring on this screenshot tho mybad

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silasgrimoire · 11 months

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Hi! Starting this year, after having lived an isolated life sheltered from society due to mental struggles and problems related to my parents, I will be going out there and start on gaining much needed experience when it comes to work and socializing. My question isn't directly related to that however, and pretty standard for tarot readers I guess lol I figured that info would add add some more insight to my situation. Anyway, I have only ever been in an online long distance relationship with a friend, but never in person with someone. I wonder a lot about what my future partner would be like, how we meet, what he looks like etc. I've done this all my life on a daily basis, especially now even though I ought to be paying all that mind to more important things haha so I hope your answer will give me some peace of mind and be able to give it a rest. If you could give me a time frame it would be very much appreciated but if that's too much to ask for I'd understand!

Hi milagenejupiter. I'm excited for your new journey. But before I show you your cards, let me be clear that I am not identify as a fortune teller. My answer would be directed into what kind of partner that would suit best for you. If you're still wondering about the details for your future partner, I'd recommend YouTube channel "Ascension Tarot". She's done a lot of free love life readings and will be best suited for the kind of fortune teller readings that you want. With that being said I want to help you as much as I can. So these are the cards that I drawn for you:

Ten of pentacles in reversed tells me that you best match with someone who will understand your situation, someone who could've experience the family trauma themselves. They aren't someone who's going to be rich in wealth, but they should be someone who's rich in experience. Surround yourself with people from support group community, it might help you find this person and bonus point, friends will always help you in your healing journey.

This person would give a huge motherly love to you, as showed on both queen of pentacles and nine of pentacles. They don't have to be a woman. A motherly figure is characteristically more nurturing and able to provide guidance. They would have to feel like a "home" for you. Someone who likes to take you on date in nature, they could be an animal lover, might have a pet of their own. I'd greatly encourage you to be out there even more, to connect with mother nature as it will provide you with many healing energy.

That's all I'd give you as a tarot reader. However, as a friend, I will tell you to never give up your journey to healing. Seek a therapist, drink your water, and blablabla other basic healthy advices are repetitive but important. Remember that healing is a progress, and a progress is never backwards, no matter how many relapses you got. And don't forget, you matter the most. I need to remind that over and over again to all loverbirds who's ready to find a partner: you are worth all the love and you deserve to be treated like the king/queen that you are.

I hope this reading manifest in your life. May the universe bless your soul!

#tarot #tarot cards #tarot reading #witchcraft

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smellycinnamonthundahfudge · 3 years

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The Black Widow Essay

one of em anw, lol

i'm just gonna start with the very beginning of the film, cause start to finish, they put so much detail in and you can tell everyone really cared to make natasha's story as full & vibrant as they possibly could.

them showing how early on she liked dying her hair or was used to it, even as a child?

as well as such innocent sweet things as this scene

all possibly subtly hinting these girls’ physical capabilities and their dark upbringing or who they really are as spies???

just, how seemingly normal child like things could be subtle hints toward something darker??

but it was STILL something innocent and sweet nevertheless whether they were able to do that cause of their training??

LOVED THAT.

the fact that NAT HAD FRIENDS??? WHEN SHE WAS A KID???

so important to me...

(cause they didn't really need to add that,... but they did)

how the whole operatives pretending as fake families made perfect sense cause they do it all the time in spy movies…

and how yeah, if there were child spies, then they could be used for spy families,

but this was the first movie that DARED to talk about the complexity of it all…

of a fake family being the only family that you had.

I bring this up because I just fucking love it and it reminds me of what they did in wandavision

rushed holidays and birthdays and normal family occasions all in one, because that was all they could get…

the idea of fake empty families in both bw and wv and jac schaeffer being involved with both of em??? gods im in love hahahah

in other spy movies, it’s just so plot focused…

they’re disguised as this to get to this and blablabla

they don’t dare to talk that they were more than their mission

that they have interests hobbies hopes dreams AND LIVES, beyond their work

(say what you will about captain marvel, but I will repeat, it was the first to show women had lives interests hobbies dreams beyond the work that they had...)

i just... the spy families thing is always so plot-centric, but this one, the infiltration aspect had an emotional side to it since it meant that they could all get a reprieve from their normal horrific lives

that's what i ADORE from this film, when they do something, they always hit for the most emotional, most moving, compelling way it can be told or shown

because, all this time we’ve been told, she’s a child assassin, she’s a child spy, she started when she was young dadadaaa

in other movies, they probably could’ve explored this by showing the violence

what was done to her, to show the meaning of what they did to her…

but you know what I absofuckingtutely die for??

they showed the meaning of the violence through this

that BECAUSE of what was done to her…

she could do that

SHE COULD PROTECT SOMEONE ELSE FROM SUFFERING THE SAME FATE AS SHE DID

all, in the first FIFTEEN 15 FUCKING MINUTES…

I just love how the never endless mention of the child assassin thing

the heaviest meaning of that was so beautifully shown like this…

like, YEAH

THIS.

THIS IS WHAT BEING A FUCKING CHILD ASSASSIN MEANS.

SHE’LL STEAL YOUR GUN, SHOOT TO KILL

ALL TO PROTECT HER INNOCENT, YOUNGER, SISTER

oh wait, I also just love the action of the plane scene

it had so much stakes, I was genuinely panicked and fearing for all of them..

melina was shot, nat was flying the plane, yelena was a terrified baby, alexei was even hanging from the freaking wing…

it wasn’t just weightless action, random kicks and punches on screen…

it was a family fleeing for their lives.

I just wanted to commend the incredible stakes the creatives made sure to put into the film’s first action scene is all.

they could have phoned this in and just have hopper punch some dudes

but they WANTED you to root for this family

they WANTED you to feel scared for them, care about them.

THEY CARED.

the first action scene nat ever did, was to protect her sister…

they could have shown her take down some men following after them…

but they DECIDED for nat to show her full capabilities… when it would matter most.

THEY CARED.

AND… NO ONE, NOT NEARLY ENOUGH PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT IT.

you know what I love about the budapest reveal??

they could have just kept it at the clarifying what actually happened thing

and all of us in the audience can revel in the fact that

shooting it out with the hungarian guard and blowing up a building

was in nat’s eyes

just like a literal alien invasion of floating monsters descending from a portal in the sky

just… bask & appreciate the comedy of this guys…

nat’s so funny, I cant…

no okay, they could have just kept it at that…

but they decided to add WHAT HUMANITY THEY COULD IN THAT BACKSTORY.

and they had nat & clint play tic tac toe in the air vents they were hiding out on…

they didn’t have to do that, but they did…

and not enough people appreciate it enough.

people are already talking about how excellent and wonderful it was, the conversations and commentaries on choice are and I’m only here to say YES MORE OF THAT SHARE IT TO EVERYFREAKING ONE GODDAMN IT

in most marvel movies, the female character & the hero usually just either butt heads or the female just helps out the hero in whatever they need to do, they’re the infallible support structure that keeps the hero up

I think… this is why the dynamic between yelena and nat, hits so goddamn hard…

your pain makes you stronger

so much of this film talks about how their pain made them stronger, the best example of this I believe, is the scene in cuba

what I said about the child assassin repetition all concluding to that “I will kill you all, DON’T TOUCH HER” scene…

her pain was LITERALLY what enabled her to do that.

but I bring back the film’s crux line, cause it’s what I think truly separates and makes yelena and nat’s dynamic so much richer more complex and beautiful to me…

the pain of their past.

nat’s insistence of their time together in america not being real, and her dismissing everything in her past as a widow of the red room as horrible and just something she needed to get away from…

it reminds me of a scene from a show my family watches,

new amsterdam. in it, a woman, escapes a house of neglect and abuse. but she also left behind her younger sister in that household, and naturally, feels deeply guilty about it.

but, her therapist said to her, “you saved the only person that you could.”

and, … I can’t think of anything better to fit nat’s situation.

her dismissal of everything in her past as horrible was a fucking coping mechanism…

it made leaving everything behind, easier…

“it wasn’t real, so there isn’t anything to hold onto” nat herself says

she saved the only person she could… herself.

sigh…

most marvel movies usually just have its theme as “be who you were meant to be”

tony, thor, quill, & rocket learned selflessness

peter parker learned to appreciate what HE had, and not focus on what he was escaping from and to

steve figured out who he was in a new world

t’challa reckoned with the sins of the past

(scott’s just a dad)

carol learned to own her power and who she truly was

but nat??

yeah, sure, she could also fall under that theme.

but I just… I honestly believe the abuse, the pain she endured… makes her arc so much more meaningful and poignant…

because it wasn’t just the hero struggling, then the female side character reassuring them & giving them the strength they needed to be who they needed to be

it was her reckoning with what she did…

it was her shutting off yelena who cared about her, because she didn’t want to think about what she left behind

it was her, keeping her heart… when her mother could not.

how despite melina felt she was a rat in a cage

what SHE taught nat, was what kept nat alive…

the pain nat escaped, still found its way to her, in that because of that pain, she caused pain to the little happiness that she had in her past

she caused pain to yelena, because it was all she could associate to her past, which she NEEDED to escape

pain was inflicted on her, and she inflicted pain too

she also just casually stated her mother throwing her out like garbage

was I the only one who was utterly shaken by her statement??

to only then after say, she thought of her everyday even if she didn’t admit it to herself

(don’t even get me started on this search & importance of her past to her being fucking hinted in the place she died, vormir, where she learned her father’s name.

how even after she defeated dreykov… she still didn’t know it, til then…)

I just…

the creatives put so much effort into making nat’s story so full of heart, humanity, and meaning…

the humanity of tic tac toe over hiding out from an army

playing in the yard and colorful dyed hair hinting the dark upbringing

reckoning with what one did to survive…

black widow, is such a heartfelt humanely painful and beautiful film…

it isn’t just another spy movie

it isn’t just another marvel movie

they talked about abuse in it, guys…

they acknowledged it, unflinchingly

the good, the bad, all of it, the entire truth of it…

that alexei wasn’t allowed a chance to be forgiven for what he did

that he can wash himself clean, and that they give him their forgiveness, for HIS benefit…

that it was the very pain inflicted on them, that enabled them to take their abusers down

You think I can’t take a punch?

it was literally her pain threshold & strength that enabled her to break free from dreykov's control

her capability of severing the nerve borne from the training she endured

her pain was literally what made her stronger

they made sure to show that oksana and antonia wouldn’t be forgotten

they let the other widows do their part

and the ones the family saved, came back for them and saved them too

even antonia, as taskmaster, had someone who cared about her. the young widow who told her to smile, went to her when she was no longer controlled.

it was fighting for control, it was looking & focusing on what WAS there

just like how nat learned to accept that not all of her past was horrible,

I want to show you how this movie shows that not all of how nat was treated in the mcu was horrible

the thank you for your cooperation scene, yes

but, one parallel that I haven’t seen anyone bring up yet is this one…

nat did her job, and it’s how they took down hydra

nat did her job, and that’s how they took down the red room

because of nat’s intelligence, due diligence, they had the intel they needed to take down hydra

and to find and save the other widows…

because that’s precisely why I would die for this film…

they. care.

they remembered that small, for most people forgettable, thing that she did- BUT WAS ACTUALLY THE KEY TO THE WHOLE THING

AND MADE DAMN SURE TO SHOW & HIGHLIGHT ITS IMPORTANCE IN HER FILM.

(her copying the data needed to SAVE THE OTHER WIDOWS IN THE WHOLE WORLD WAS GIVEN THE FOCUS & ENERGY NEEDED TO HIGHLIGHT THAT SCENE'S SIGNIFICANCE CAUSE W/O THAT DATA, THOSE WOMEN WOULD BE LOST)

they KNEW that HER COPYING THAT INFO in the lemurian star in tws IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE is HOW NICK FIGURED OUT HYDRA’S PLAN

AND DECIDED TO FUCKING PARALLEL THAT TOO IN HER FILM CAUSE THEY KNEW THAT DESPITE HOW SMALL THAT SCENE WAS, IT WAS ACTUALLY THE KEY TO THE ENTIRE THING

they know the significance that nat’s story has, how it’s about abuse, and what it does to people

it makes them want to run away & dismiss everything that happened as purely horrible

sometimes, it makes them betray people (like melina & even to some extent, nat…)

they did all this in a marvel movie

the importance of choice, control, autonomy, of women’s lives, every aspect of it

the mundane, their intelligence, their pain, their relationships, their humor & happiness & love…

this was a marvel movie, starring women, produced by women, written (jac schaeffer, wv creator too), directed (cate shortland), and edited (leigh folsom) by women.

this was an excellent beautiful painfully heartfelt luminescent movie, from start to finish.

so much care compassion complexity & love, woven into the story

they cared about what nat DID manage to do in the mcu, not that she was forced into the sidelines

(though, honestly, I think that line about nat never letting herself be alone long enough to figure out what her story is was such an interesting & cool way of acknowledging it…)

nat never spoke much in the films, and they went with it, she’s not the inspiring speech type, she herself says

behind the scenes, they were making nat look as cool as possible with those poses

but in this film, they made it HER character trait

that SHEEEE, WANTS TO POSE LIKE THAT.

I just think that’s so funny… a cute character trait of her wanting to pose all the time and denying/not acknowledging it??

I think it’s a sweet & funnily humanizing trait of hers :’’’))

they made her funny like that, heh…

most mcu movies, they have arcs, they have great interesting moving stories…

I just think this film is chockfull of love over natasha romanoff, a hero, an avenger’s story…

they put so much in to give her as full of a life as they could… a complex, heartbreaking, painful, happy, tragic, loving, human life…

most mcu movies… they’re so plot focused. find this, follow that.

for me, this film wasn’t.

it was women getting their control back.

behind the screen, and on screen, it was women getting their control back…

after a decade and more of getting bits of meaningful crumbs here and there, the creatives of this film gathered all those up, and built a full complex life and story from it…

it dealt with something so real and tragic but also beautiful and full of love.

I don’t think most mcu movies did this.

and it’s why I wrote all of this.

give credit where it’s due.

black widow is the most heartbreakingly painful and beautiful film marvel’s ever made…

it was a full and concise and finished and complete story, start to finish, about the hero who’s earned it, the goddamned most.

acknowledge what they did with this film.

it’s what they, nat & the creatives, deserve.

acknowledge it.

they didn’t work this hard to give nat such a meaningful loving & complex life and family and story, only for it to be called lesser

than films who tackle their themes in much shorter times

and with themes that aren’t as rooted in reality

acknowledge what they did.

acknowledge it.

I’m not really that knowledgeable over what framing and lighting really means…

but I think those details mean something

how their life at ohio, playing in the yard was flickered with sunlight, and fireflies

how it turned to night when they were forced to flee and return to russia

how it was night when they first entered the red room

but then there’d be more and more light as nat had progressed with their plan, with beams of light, flashing through the window behind her

and then once the dust had settled, the sun was rising on them, the survivors.

but… the most poignant & meaningful of all these lighting shots that I found…

was nat’s endings,

when she said goodbye to her family…

it was almost like, she was saying goodbye to us too…

with daylight, shining all around behind her, as she walked away and whistled her goodbye

this happening with her goodbye to her family

and with her official final shot of her, heading into the horizon, to her destiny

saving the universe, and saving her family

they cared so much to give her these beautifully poetically luminescent images of her, guys…

my heart breaks as I don’t see anyone else acknowledging this…

so please… acknowledge it.

acknowledge, what they did.

acknowledge it.

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allscalliepsds · 4 years

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RP GUIDE: TIPS FOR WRITING ITALIANS CHARACTERS!

So, from one Italian roleplayer, check this list for creating credible Italians fictional characters. I don’t know if you’re ever gonna read this post, but let’s try. Aaaand, if it works maybe one day I’ll do a list of italian faceclaims, or italian names and surnames. (Obviously, I’m not used to writing in english. Ignore my mistakes, lol)

• We have very different features. We’re not all tanned, with brown eyes and brown hair. My best friend is pale as hell and blonde like a freaking scandinavian. So we have lighter skin, darker skin, we’re tall, very short, redheads. And we have different cultures here! You can use asian faceclaims, black faceclaims, tunisian faceclaims... your character can have any kind of origin and still have the italian citienzship.

• Food is important. And by saying this I do not only mean that things like pineapple pizza or carbonara with pancetta are unacceptable! I mean that we EAT together. Most of Italians families have lunch together daily, same happens for dinner. Eating means spending time with family and friends. On sundays a lot of families reunite and have lunch with other relatives like grandparents or uncles, without even being on holiday time. We do not need Christmas or Easter to have lunch with relatives. Talking more about food: every place has its own speciliaties, so look for them when creating a character.

• Talking about food, WE DO NOT SHARE PIZZAAAA! Okay, maybe we do, sometimes, but it’s different. I’ve seen a lot of American tv shows or movies where they order just one pizza for four family members. Like, what?? Here in Italy most of the times we have one pizza per person. Because Italian pizza is obviously better and lighter, so you don’t get your belly full just by eating two slices unless you’re 5 y/o.

• We might be spending a lot of time complaining about our country and what doesn’t work, but in reality we are very proud and sometimes a lot patriotic. You know what really gets me super mad? Scrolling tik tok and seeing Americans that call themselves ITALIANS just because their grandma’s uncle was from Salento. No the hell no, that’s not how it works. You’re not Italian you cunt.

• We’re a little bit a cliché, I gotta give you that. Sometimes more than a little bit. When quarantine/lockdown started here in Italy it was sooo hard finding flour and baking powder at the supermarket. And it’s not just a Super Mario thing: we do actually say mamma mia! But we’re not all the same. Please do not consider always the same kind of relatives: conservative religious parents with that grandma that always cooks a lot of stuff and blablabla. Think out of the box!

• Talking about grandmas: if you wanna follow that cliché of the Italian grandma that cooks and makes you eat until you pass out, it’s fine. You can do this. One of my grandma is like this and even though we have lunch in like four people she’s still gonna cook for an entire army. But if you don’t wanna do that, then don’t. My other grandma does not know how to cook and so she doesn’t that much. It’s fine, no one’s gonna revoke your character’s Italian citizenship if you don’t stick to those basic clichés we’re tired of.

• Please, look for a map. Not every Italian lives by the sea, it isn’t always sunny and hot and you don’t always feel in the right mood for a gelato. The northern part of Italy is colder and there aren’t as much bathing areas. Even if your characters lives or is from Sicily ( which is where I’m from ), it isn’t sure that he’s gonna have the beach next to his house. I’m a lucky person, in jenuary from my balcony I can see the sea on my right and the vulcano Etna covered by snow on my left. But it depends, so choose a city and look for it.

• We have dialects. So, let me try to be clear. Italy is a country divided into 20 regions, okay? Sicily is a region of Italy, Lazio ( where Rome is, to be clear ) is another Italian region. The official language is obviously Italian. So since I’m from Sicily, with a girl from Lazio/Rome I’m gonna speak Italian. But, inside the regions, there are dialects. Since I’m sicilian my dialect is called siciliano, and it’s influenced from all the past invasions. Sicily was conquered by arabs, and arabs also conquered Spain which is why some words in siciliano are similar to spanish words. Even though we have dialects we can understand each other pretty well. Southern dialects are all pretty similar, for example. But I gotta be honest, I don’t understand a single words in northern dialects. If you wanna stick to that grandma cliché I mentioned before, then add the dialect to it. Grandparents speak dialects. Generally speaking, old people speak dialects way more than the younger ones. Unfortunately it’s a culture that is starting to disappear.

• Please, dress properly. You’re never gonna see a true Italian walk out of his own house in his pajamas and with slippers, that only happens in nightmares. We’re classy. And by saying this I do not mean that we dress Dolce&Gabbana and Gucci. We don’t. I mean, rich people do, they’re lucky enough. So you do not need to mention important and expensive brands. We’re not all rich. Or at least I’m not as I wish. Last thing: it’s VersacE, not Versaci.

• Italy is (unfortunately) a pretty religious country. You know, we have the Vatican here. The most common religion here is Christianity. Not everyone practise it, and not everyone goes at the Church every sunday.

• ROME AND MILAN AREN’T THE ONLY TWO ITALIAN CITIEESSS! I know, they’re the most known, Rome is beautiful and in Milan there’s the fashion week, I get that. But Italy is full of beautiful places. Maybe you don’t wanna choose unknown little towns with less then 3.000 habitants, but be original.

• There isn’t a large representation of Italy outside our country, so you might know very few of how we live here and what our habits are. Let me do just a small list of things:

- At 18 years old you are old enough to take your driving license, your car, and to drink. Obviously do not do everything together, lol. But you can buy alcool at 18 and go to the clubs.

- We kiss. If you’re my friend I’m gonna give you two kisses on the cheeks to say hi and to say goodbye. Even if you’re not my friend but you are with my friends, I’ll do that to be polite. And sometimes It can be pretty boring, but If I’m leaving a room with 12 people I (more or less) know I’m gonna kiss all of those 12 people.

- We have school from monday to saturday, mostly from 8 am to 13 pm. So we do not spend the afternoons at school like Americans do, and we do not have all those extracurricular activities and sports.

- We do not use snapchat anymore, while I know that it’s still a thing somewhere else. And for texting we mostly use Whatsapp and Telegram. Not iMessage because not everyone has an iPhone (they cost a little bit more, here), and neither we use Messanger that much.

- We do study a lot of art, history and literature. They’re not optional subjects. And we really praise our artistic patrimony. You can’t live here and study in Italy and then don’t know how to recognize a piece of art of DaVinci, Michelangelo, Botticelli or Caravaggio. If you’re Italian you know who Dante is and that he wrote The Divine Comedy.

- I don’t know how it is in the rest of the world, but when we go out (like, at night??) we have this thing of going downtown. So you can go to a restaurant with your friends for dinner or you can go out after dinner and just meet your friends at a square, grab a beer at the nearest bar and sit on a bench or on the stairs of something that faces that square and even stay there all night. It might sound strange, but that’s how it works and in towns where there are a lot of young people or university students those squares and those bars next to them are always full of people. Here’s an example.

#rph #rp guide #writing italian muses #writing help #writing advice #roleplay #roleplay helper #italian roleplay #italian rp guide #writing tipes #sorry for my english mistakes

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0202kurusu · 3 years

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some reflexions about the fear of bastardy in vere

ok based on like. my studies or whatever and mostly just my imagination lmfao.

because i CANNOT believe a kingdom would simply fear bastards because they don’t have contraceptive and blablabla.

here is what is canon and known: there have been, in the very ancient history of vere, bastards, and they were tolerated just as any other prince. but, history repeats itself, one bastard tried to usurp the throne, which is ultimately the reason given that vere hates bastards. ok, but that’s not enough to me.

this bastard tried to usurp the throne, that’s the main fact we have. but that is one thing to fear bastards trying to take over a kingdom: it exists in akielos also (nikandros’ suspicions on kastor do not shock in akielos, so it means it’s common).

while i think that vere and akielos are par essence very different in their ruling method, if it is such a taboo in vere, which has in any case a counter-power that must legitimize the prince, it such be triple that in akielos who has no real conter-power except for the kyroi, in a way (maybe i’ll take about my take on power in vere and akielos one day), alas there is not.

people have said it is because they have contraception, and vere has not. i don’t think that’s true at all. vere probably has contraception, and in any case, adults can very much ... get rid of a babe easily. it’s not unheard of in history.

what i think happens is this: the bastard tries to stage his coup. as a result, the crown starts to become more wary about bastards all in all. i believe this happened very soon after artes broke apart and became akielos, vere and patras. for a new nation this is a hard blow.

at the same time, new laws start to emerge, to consolidate the reign of laurent’s ancestors and crystallize an identity (see: barbarian invasions 4th/5th century CE): new laws on propriety, basically. if vere is based on france, then it is based on the roman empire and the franks, and their laws went that a child inherits from his parents. thus, a prince, to be legitimate, must inherit lands from his father, and perhaps a title from her mother (which is seen as THE sacred element in the couple, and we know vere had queens at the beginning) -> so the need for a mariage, for the prince to have the title AND the lands that are necessary to rule.

pacat didn’t mention a religion, but i can’t conceive that a civilisation without some kind of spirituality, so let’s say vere has a church, a mix between german paganism and maybe judaism/late antiquity’s catholicism. during the redaction of the aforementioned laws, the very prominent clergy tries to fix their culture on the royal power: the mother is the very link that legitimize the child, (the father is there to give the child the kingdom and private, imperial lands for ressources) thus is seen as pure and sacred and having mistresses is badly seen because it’s just a lack of respect for the wife. add to that the wish to have a long-lasting dynasty, so no one to trouble it or to topple it.

so, at first, only the crown bans bastards. if they happen, they are sent away and educated not as princes, but as probably a clergy man to provide for the clerical power. the goal is to avoid any “useless” child, one that has no lands if the queen has a bastard, or one that holds no title and will only steal lands to the crown if the king has a bastard with another woman. children born out of mariage are not recognized as children from that union, and are seen as the first category of bastards.

rapidly, what goes for the crown, goes for the nobility, whose members are 1) mariage prospects for princesses and princes, 2) always looking for honors from the crown, 3) more and more attracted by the faith of the clergy, which i trust holds a very important role in the empire as secretaries, educated men, notaries, etc and 4) it’s a way to differentiate from common folks and get closer to the crown as the kingdom becomes more and more urban.

it takes more time to take hold into the people, because they have nothing to gain from it. it’s slow, and i’m not even sure that during laurent’s time, common folks hold that much disdain against bastards: they’re actually helpful, they’re hands to work, soldiers to send to war, etc. if it is to happen, then it is because 1) the emergence of a new class (bourgeoisie of sort) and/or 2) the pressure of the clergy.

from that point, bastards are just seen as “yuck” moments in one’s life, that happen, are getting rarer, but that are not “forbidden”. there is contraception, and people get rid of them. i believe that the homonormativity of vere happens because 1) people are kind of wary about everything “unnatural”, things that happens unnaturally because they hold the natural flow of life as very very important (german paganism for example); 2) the clergy’s discourse on the purity of maiden extends soon to a “celibacy is great” speech; 3) vere has a tradition of homosexuality such as in akielon: it was never really stigmatized and was probably used as an education tool in the very beginning; 4) power dichotomies are reinforced through the passage of power from a woman to a man as the kingdom progresses.

thus, instead of contraception, people start to prefer seeking attention with the same sex, and spend more time with the same gender since the whole “woman purity” speech that holds the believe that it is better not to desacralize women by spending time with them, for men are “tainted” when women are not (or most likely, like in judaism (kabbalah actually), women are whole and pure, when men are incomplete and ultimately flawed), by the powers at play in vere.

from there, bastards are frowned upon. they are never said to be forbidden in vere, it would go against the interests of everyone. but they are never seen as legitimate (imperial family). as for other nobles, it is treated as a trend and a tradition one does not go against like that. it has just become common to be homosexual until mariage, and even beyond because of years of education in that sense.

anyway this is messy as fuck, and i don’t think it is how it “really” happened in our history and societies, but i found it interesting and i thought about it this morning so. just wanted to give vere a bit more flavor lol, because i think the beauty of fictional world is that you can create their ethnogenesis and their history.

#capri #captive prince #vere #meta #this is a long ass post tbh #akielos #if anyone wanna talk abt that kind of shit #it gives me LIFE for real

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lovecanbesostrange · 3 years

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There was no reason for Station 19 to go that hard on all fronts, but wow they did. I honestly watched S1+2 mostly out of habit, but S3 was like cleaning house, setting everybody up as a character with their personal flashback gave them far more layers and now I truly care. Thanks. Well, and then Grey’s happened and I cried for like half the episode...........

Maya and Jack have definitely profitted the most from the shift in tone and the character development overhaul. And I liked both their storylines. Maya dealing with all that crap from her father and coming to terms with why she maybe isn’t 100% ready for this very steady relationship and sharing all her emotions was great. Can she tell Carina everything she told Andy? In almost exactly this way, please? Because being afraid of slipping and finding these moments and naming what she has trouble with adjusting to - that is all good. And Carina is one of the most compassionate and patient people (from the limited scenes we have had with her over the years). Dear Maya, if you communicate, she will be there for you.

And wow, Carina than talking about her home and her own fears. Magnificent. Early days of covid? All the horrible, horrible news from Italy come to mind. So thanks writers for building that international bridge. (I wonder how any Italian tv shows that will incorporate the pandemic will deal with this. Every country has their very unique story in this.)

Of course we will see nice side characters getting covid and probably die. Gonna keep my fingers crossed for Marsha nonetheless. Jack having this make-shift family did wonders for his character and I don’t want him to take a blow. It’s a found family on the side, not bound by trade and I like it. I love that thanks to Marcus the masks with plastic windows were mentioned (even tying back to Dr. Riley’s visit to Grey-Sloan. Good job.

Well, Miller and Sullivan. That all happened. And I am exactly 0% qualified to discuss the issues raised. I do empathise with Sullivan a bit more (not that I dismiss Miller’s points, because like Sullivan and Warren say, he is right). Because I absolutely hate this thing were being part of a (minority) group makes you the spokesperson and you get judged far more harshly. And then also taking in-group crap about it. Yes, it is how the world is. But it’s unfair. (And tbh luckily Sullivan hurt mostly himself and he did stand up and face any consequence coming his way. And yes, he was the kind of person to always tell everybody else to better not make mistakes *blablabla* and look, he fell down that high horse... I do think that is something Miller pointed out very rightfully.)

Glad Travis talked to his dad. And I do like the way he did. Just letting him know he knows and leaving that door open. His breakdown about how the church/religion is letting gay people down, while so many sins are just forgiven... damn. Hard to watch. And if just one viewer watching suddenly went like “huh, fucked up”, it was worth it.

Vic is the unsung hero of this episode. I loved how she kept defending that drugged up dude. Yes, he is stupid and it’s horrifying that he stays with his obviously abusive wife, but also keeps drugs around and just... lives like this. But she kept talking about how he didn’t mean to hurt anybody else and that he needed help far more than punishment. Travis and Vic are both good people, but in that situation I think most of us would react more like Travis. Being annoyed, mouthing back and wanting those two shut the fuck up. It’s a normal reaction. What Vic said is the harder choice. And it felt like there was an untold story there.

Okay, wow, much to say about Station 19 for once. But oh boy, Grey’s...........

I remember the “early” episodes we met Bailey’s father. And then we barely talked about her parents. They were somewhere in the background. Until in “(Don’t) Fear the Reaper” we met her mom, got that whole thing with her dead sister and got this picture of her early home life. It was really good. And last week her parents get mentioned again, because hey, elderly people. AND NOW THEY TELL US HER MOM HAD ALZHEIMER’S AND THEN SHE DIED............................................................... it was so fucking heartbreaking start to finish.

And I love all the quiet scenes we got out of this that are just so human. Sad and human. Bailey talking to Meredith, saying she misses her and relating to the whole seeing your mom withering away (so dying twice in a way). I like the use of the beach, because Meredith is semi-conscious, she hears it all, but she just can’t wake up long enough. And then Maggie and Bailey on that bench.

Two people sitting on a bench, talking. Nothing special happens. They don’t need to distract by having them in a busy hallway or somethng. It’s a whole ass conversation with no shorthand. Showing all the emotions. Having Maggie go back to that time her mother died and how she views it all in a different light now. Talking about dying with dignity. Chandra Wilson was so good in this scene. (Her best performance to me will probably always be when Charles died in front of those elevators, I can cry just thinking about that.) And she was allowed such a variety of feelings. And the pain of it all brings up joyful memories. Thanks so much for that hilarity that her scholarship came from the fucking Daughters of the Revolution. HA!

I don’t get people who still watch Grey’s and the relationship drama is the thing they care most about. This is what I’m here for first - the personal lives and relating to all these emotions (and also the mistakes and the way to do better next time).

Well, at least Tom got better quick, I guess. Nice way to give Amelia a reason to get to work for a day and thus have her confronting Teddy. Look, I am done with storylines involving cheating and all. Teddy as a character is often hard to like. But the way she is isolated and like the most contact she has is with DeLuca when he updates her on Meredith’s vitals... it’s harsh. And I liked that Amelia can talk to her without making her feel more terrible. And then I did like Teddy talking to Tom, who was his charming self in the end. Bonuspoints for mentioning that the kids are with Owen’s mom. And hey, I give this to Owen, I believe this must be hard for him, because being a dad is the biggest deal for him. Actually something to make him more likeable - if handled correctly - and this situation sucks for him as well.

Which brings me to Link. Who was left at the Grey home. With Zola, Bailey, Ellis and Scout. Wow. Who would have thought? Amelia’s pregnancy was a good thing, I guess, to give them the excuse of baby time and also Link sorta moving in to deal with all the kids. (Shipping all of them off to their own living Grandma isn’t an option. lol ) Link is a good dude. So please, okay, it was news to him, no need to hate on Tom, push through the irritation, Link! Ahahahahaha.

Jackson being so nervous about his mom being a bit too proud to always keep her mask on - wonderful. Sure, she’s a doctor, she’s also stubborn and he was so scared of losing her not that long ago. Family drama everywhere! I always like seeing Jackson and Webber together. And then they had another big talk, hammering home the fact that people are affected differently. That it’s worse for poor people and not by accident, but systemic problems, most of them are PoCs. So many black and brown patients dying left and right, and it’s clear where the problem starts... I do believe for some viewers this is actually news, because the “news media” they consume won’t talk about that.

So, well, and then there is the Jo of it all. OMG where do I even start? Now, first off, Levi and Jo living together is still hilarious and thanks so much for getting two scenes at the loft. Especially that first one with Levi pretty much pushing her out of bed. Now, I do want Levi to talk to his mom, I desperately need to know how things are. I’m sure the pandemic has shed some new light on what’s important. Second I’m also glad Levi is with Jo, so she is not alone, which makes it harder for her to fall into really bad habits and down that depression hole.

I kinda freaked out seeing Val again and was sure she’s gonna die (might still happen aaaaah). They have a tendency to kill the nice ladies. Still haven’t forgiven Grey’s for killing CeCe. So it was cool that the surgery was a success and wow, did I love when Jo sent Levi out to just listen to Val and connect. And then the baby delivery happened and....... what is going on? Jo even just casually thinking about switching specialties? TO OB?????????? WHAT?????? Dear writers, you dropped the ball on her entire medical journey so often, giving her a bonkers fellowship, having her residency take way too long and shoving her into general, because oops no mentor or anything. And now you give me this? Please, so this is how I would accept this as a set-up for an actual carthartic moment:

Let Jo stalk Carina, play out this thought “what if this thing that made me happy for a day is the thing I am supposed to do longer”. And then let her have joyous moments, but also something complicated, and finally a very distressed woman in labor. And Jo feels for the woman, is compassionate and all and when the baby is there, the woman struggles to connect. And this joyous second is withheld from Jo. And boom, full circle, this woman feels like shit for not loving that baby instantly, for the feeling of resentment and being out of her mind. And finally Jo can forvige Vicki. And that’s the end of that particular journey.

I mean we all pretend that we have forgotten that time Jo stole a baby, right? Because that was the S16 hiatus and there was a storyline set in motion that blew up with Justin leaving like that. And we have had Jo interacting with babies and new moms so often over the course of the show. While also staiting that Jo’s self-worth is tied to being in an OR, which is also her safe space. So this whole thing...

Sometimes it’s easy to forget that Addison was the attending OB/GYN once upon a time. (”I’m being stalked by pregnant women!” “You are an obstetrician.”) She was also a fetal surgeon, which was what Arizona eventually became. So it’s not like when Meredith wore pink scrubs for a few weeks and got made fun of. There could be a long interesting road that eventually does include surgeries. But it’s just so....... dumb. In a way. Especially with Jo having so many issues. And the writers - who give out pregnancies and babies like halloween candy - constantly skipping a potential Jolex-as-parents-storyline.... which kinda bites them in the ass now. ugh F R U S T R A T I O N......... I could write a five page essay just about Jo so far this season, I’m sorry. (Also if I ever have to see Jo in pink scrubs, a part of my brain will explode thinking back to Jason for sure.............)

Oh, and then there was Ben Warren. Just existing. Being a good man. Thanks. :3

#Station 19 #Grey's Anatomy #ramblings

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sikereviewdotcom · 4 years

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wilfred (2011) - season 1 ep1 “happiness” review

ok so today were reviewing fucking "wilfred" basically its a story about a depressed guy who tried to kill himself but he failed because hes a pushover in life and even suicide is mocking him yea jk actually his sis prescribed him placebo so the meds he used in his suicide attempt were useless yada yada

then he sees his neighbours (on who he tots have the hots for) dog as a man and hes like lol wtf why is there a furry standing in my yard? im not into dogplay dudette, please dont do this to me ah-

unfortunately for him the chick, on the next day asks to take care of her dog meanwhile because idk shit happens in her house? and she has to work? yea something like that so anyway he accepts because hes into her and out of it aswell more out of it than anything tho

our man, ryan is pretty disturbed but it happens anyway he has NO control over his life so why would he have control on a dog fursuit wearing 40 yo man? yea exactly wouldnt make sense

wilfred enters his house and smoke a damn bong thats right, a very efficient way to introduce what kind of character were up against see, jason gann has the perfect face for such character looking all dirty in that suit with a big ass black painted dog nose you gotta think "that dawgs up to no good" and youd be damn right keep reading to discover why so basically nm happens in this episode if it isnt the setting of all the shit because well ryan has a lot of issues and its gonna get worse you cant believe this dog is gonna make things better for ryan not really hes just scamming the loser with cheap tricks and drugs

btw after (trying) to vape or w/e with wilfred, the man falls asleep, wakes up because his sis whos a bitch, remember her

its important to spot whos a bitch in each show ill be reviewing its pretty easy to balance whos the antagonist and who isnt although it often is much more complexe than that which is why im here making it all very easy and very interesting, aside from lost cases like the magic school bus i cant make that shit any worse nor TOO better like i have limited power my reviews are sike but some shows are just nah back to our whipped cream: ryans depression: he is jobless ok? so his sis is mad that he doesnt make the effort to come work and do what he has to also he used to be a lawyer btw because his father wanted him to be and then his father died and he lost his job and he hated being a lawyer so w/e but he also seemingly lost all reasons to live and redacted more than one suicide letter so im not sure what to think about it he was really eager to die yknow his sis couldnt care less tho its like "yo stop ruining my image im trynna get you a job in my hospital fuckface" yea see that why shes an inconsiderate bitch

so instead of going to work because of wilfred, ryan takes him for a while btw that vermin also tries to get elijah (the actor playing ryan is elijah wood obvs btw so this series already gets 5 points to begin with i dont make the rules) to throw a tennis ball and dont forget this ball ok? its gonna come back and start a whole drama its the beginning of our adventure a ball

next theyre in a restauration thing eating chips and drinking a beer together dog and his friend then the waitress comes and

happens the tiddies eating, it almost one fucking minute im sure we could all feel the embarassement of having your animal rubbing its balls and penis against your friend whos over for the nights leg in the middle of spring and youre just trying to get it back but wow the hormones are hitting it hard its like a cleaning robot vibrating on a grandma whos cardiacs chest and you trynna take that little asshole away but for some reason its rubbed in olive oil so not only does it reeks of olive, its also slippery as heck and you can see your grandma spasmming on her soon-to-be deathbed, she has spasms for god sake no the robot no someone stop it from stimulating the old ladys torso ah shit marguerite died after drowning in her drooling

not even died of an heart attack nah, it was such a messy death she suffered so much no one could do anything its like the robot was sentient yknow and well same goes for wilfred hes making it on purpose but uses the excuse : he likes the boobs it nothing personal, ryan

w/e they leave after paying (not for the side tits tho, it was a freebie for dogs) after that shit happens (i wont spoil you EVERYTHING, im just painting a pic here ok?) at this point you could wonder "is wilfred being a dick on purpose or its just about said instincts? how much percentage of his behavior is actually dog and how much is ryans mind (the guy is deranged there is no denying that but how much? )) whats sure is that his owner likes her dog vm and hes maining that chick

good for him? but it also happens that before that, elijah just threw the ball above the gate and into his much less friendly neighbour because he was sick of the dog asking to throw it and so yea, there is a tension between ryan and wilfred not any kind of tension, exactly the kind of elija x reader fanfic i wanted to read except pov: im a canine furry and i smoke weed on a daily basis and im a jackass

theyre almost breaking up someone does something about it i was seriously getting into it wow oh no fuck look at me tearing one or two here

rip their new born bromance? or... is it all there is to it? well see no obviously its the problem we were waiting for because when our fella enters back home and idk whatever else happens its night and his sister comes home and she goes all "lol actually i gave you placebo itd be dangerous otherwise you numbfuck" but shes quickly muted once our man notices his dog friend in his yard... its time for a reunion a heart to heart conversation to proceed so he has to ditch his sis which he casually does bros before hoes

its again about the ball which HE WILL go and fetch by passing over the fence to get in neighbours yard but damn it cant be just that? wouldnt it make a lame crappy story? we need some actions, we got the tits, the beer, no job, delinquency has no limit so fuck it says the dog as he smashes the window and enters the bikers house because he SMELLS (like he smells the shit streaks you have on your pants) the weed, ryan is like "no fuck bro no shit fuck ah-" then sees the damn weed which they steal ok? hes really a pushover he has not got the right idea of stopping being one because thats what his new friends supposed to be here for yknow trynna get his loser into a winner, that lil camper gotta level up his game, go get into the business of life barging in kicking the door to enter, no shame nor hesitation were trying to make him STEP UP for HIMSELF but guess what? ill tell you later or itd be a spoil in a spoil surely a bad paradoxal medium w/e business going on blablabla theyre up to no good thats for sure as sure as how much ryans actually enjoy this the mans into this pee slash poop affair:

spoiler alert: he does it and

im just quoting him here : he never felt more alive nor glad to be so i guess thats whats life about shitting in peoples affair, stealing weed plants and quitting your job on your first day (you havent showed up tho so w/e you never really worked in that place no one knows you its all good you can get back in that place looking innocent and smiling with your broken ribs "yea nah i never had a job here and ditched yall huh" thats foxy of him kinda but not really since he had no intention back then to do anything for himself it was all strings pulled by a fucking dog hilarious really im having a kick haha no

so what next? theyre best friends? man and dog, a wonderful friendship happens he has no more family to support him but HE HAS A DOG guys he was so into it im feeling sorry for this hobot-to-be schizophrenic man

i wont spoil you but trust me when i say not to trust a furry who eats tits on your first date

in conclusion: it was a pretty decent first episode ill update my final thoughts on the first season once im done watching it but so far its recommandable the camera work is pretty cool like its not just thoughtless filming we actually have a nice feel to it, the setting of the series is esthetically pleasing you get nice colors and it aint boring, its not like a FRIENDS episode yknow? dawg i dislike how boring it looks filming wise for start but damn i aint reviewing FRIENDS rn so next, the comedy? after all its a comedy genre series not a drama, idk if id review an actual depressive show on here thatd bum the vibe out ok? i know im making all my revs awesome w/e it is that i choose to rate and comment but still im serving you a plate of my finest sheez not any fizzle in the mizzle ok?

anyway yea the humor aint bad, i havent laughed my ass of but i did find it amusing to watch the jokes may actually kick in in the second episode ill have to update this rev alright? just hang on to your balls peeps this fam will serve in due time

rating: 7,5/10 scenery/camera work 7/10 comedy 8/10 interest/entertaining points total: 7,5/10 for a first episode is fine enough to be recommanded, like a "give it a chance" sorta case yknow isnt the most hilarious show youll watch but its fine especially if youre into homoromantic tension between a furry and elijah wood

tg, out

#wilfred #review #series review #wilfred review #wilfred 2011 #furry #sike reviews

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tumblunni · 5 years

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Headcanons about maddiman's wife:

* name: Joy Nocturne

* her personality is like your classic 'overbearing wife' or 'loud woman' except its not a bad thing and i hate how its always stereotyped as a bad thing. She's confident and outspoken and badass and these are all the things that made Madds fall in love with her. Its also the things that makes everyone else think she's 'such a nag' and start rumours that their marriage is on the rocks, because he 'must be so whipped', etc. And back when they met in highschool everone thought she was a 'typical american thug' who was 'being a bad influence to that poor honor student'. Basically she's used to people hating her personality and she was already secretly doubting whether her husband also found her annoying/bossy/unattractive cos of this. Like she's usually able to be confident in the face of hate from strangers but as she grew to love this man she felt her old insecurities coming back. They were both having trouble talking about their feelings and worrying that their spouse didnt love them...

* oh and BIGGEST HEADCANON: she very much loved him and there was no villain of this story, just a sad tale of two people falling apart due to miscommunication. I think its infinately sadder if they were total soulmates and never stopped loving each other even after this tragic falling out. I feel like Joy just had to make the decision that was right for her son when her husband was never around to be part of his life. And with the way maddiman acted she had every reason to feel like he'd stopped loving her...she didnt leave because she hated him but because she didnt know why he was so distant and thought he hated her...

* She never remarried. She did manage to live a full life and raise their son to be an upstanding human being, but she never forgot about madds and never found anyone she loved more than him.

* She was actually there when he died. The point where he passed out midway through writing a diary entry wasnt actually the exact moment he died, his coworkers found his comatose body and rushed him into surgery. He was on life support for a few days befofe he faded away, having never woken up. Joy rushed over on the fastest flight possible to get to see him before it was too late, but she only managed to arrive in time to see his yokai self emerging and vanishing into the ether. This phantasm haunted her for the rest of her life and she sorta inherited his fatal yokai obsession, in hopes that what she saw was real...

* after her son died at just 17, she became even more tied to the desperate hope of her husband's old fairytales. Ultimately though, she was never able to find him. She actually could have walked straight past him and not been able to see him. And madds wouldnt have recognised her, only wondered why something in his heart says that this particular trespasser in the haunted hospital should be guided to the exit without harm.

* they first met in high school, oddly enough due to maddiman's dad being a massive asshole. Nogut always pressured his son to be perfect and live out all his dreams for him, blablabla, gotta get to the best schools and never get a single bad grade. Joy and madds werent in the same class so they hadnt talked much, and she only recently transferred anyway. But one day Nogut was in school for a parent teacher conference and he was being his usual pissy entitled self, blah blah im too important to be here and my son is the cause of all my problems somehow. So he got uhh.. "Distracted". Aka being an absolute fuckin creeper to underage highschool girls! Thus the day Joy first became friends with maddiman was also the day she became mortal enemies with his dad by kicking him in the balls. And shortly afterwards she bumped into maddiman who was hyperventilating in the same closet she coincidentally picked while hiding from Groinally Harmed Anger Dad. He was having a panic attack from the general stress of his dad being here, and she helped support him through it which became a really valued memory of his, and why he sees her as his hero. Well, that and shortly after when she was like 'lol i just met this total creeper and kneed him in the nads' 'THATS MY DAD' 'geez sorry dude' 'NO THATS AMAZING'

* she also helped him pull off his ultimate escape from trash dad. They had a plan in place for a long time that as soon as he turned 18 they were getting on a motorbike and riding off to Anywhere But Here. But he didnt expect her to literally bring a birthday cake and throw it in his dad's face! And then that was the beginning of their relationship. Madds had totally been crushing on her for quite a while but never knew how to confess, until the sheer awesomeness of that moment made him accidentally squeak it out while they were riding for their lives from an angry old man.

* oh and also there were probably a lot of funny cute clueless moments where it kept going over joy's head that he had a crush on her? I was thinking of a cute idea for a valentines day flashback where maddiman was too shy to give her a box of chocolates and she comes along like "man i didnt get any chocolates im glad you managed to get some!" "U-uhh no i umm..wanted to give them to someone but i...didnt." "Oh that sucks dude! At least now you can eat them all to yourself to help forget that girl. Lemme sneak one, tho!" And thus he ended up sharing the box of chocolates with the perosn he wanted to, even if she had no idea. And it was a very good day!

* also i think considering the pattern of him bottling up his feelings and running from relationship problems, it seems likely that he ran from the altar on his wedding day. But it was also one of the only times ever that that happened and it wasnt super sad. As he does, he got all worked up into a mess of anxiety and convinced he knew the only answer- the stupidest and most reckless answer! So even though he loved this woman he was so scared that he'd be a bad husband that he tried to jump out the window at the last second without even once trying to actually talk to her about any of this. But this time she did manage to find him! All the friends and family were like 'ugh leave him, he doesnt love you', but she knew there had to be more to it so she ran out in the rain in her wedding dress and searched for miles until she found him sobbing in a public bathroom. They managed to talk it out and get to the bottom of his feelings and actually resolved something for once, and it all went okay. It kinda helped that seeing her turn up all bedraggled in the wreckage of the dress she loved so much, bleeding from her tight heels and fighting off several biker gangs along the way helped convince him that "hey maybe she thinks i'm worth fighting for, so i should try and believe her". So yeah then she swept him off his feet and they danced all night as everyone else in the church was all "ugh she looks awful" and "why would she take him back", but the moment was so magical that they just didnt care. And thats how the biggest failure of a wedding was also the happiest day of their lives! (..though sadly the same doubts and communication difficulties would come up again and not be resolved so easily...)

* i keep flip flopping on what career i want to give her, but at the moment im thinking possibly owns a lil bakery/coffee shop type place? Madds is one of those people who cant stand the bitterness of tea/coffee and prefers caffinated sodas instead, but he used to drink strong coffee every day back when he was human just because his wife made it. He loved all the rest of her cooking so itd be cruel to say no! Its a lil detail that i figured would be cute but also foreshadow how he'd meet his tragic end, as it shows he's capable of bottling up his feelings for years even when talking would be so much easier. Also probably a comedic note that he's coming up with nonsensical mad science techniques to make himself able to drink coffee! "Shall i genetically modify my tastebuds or create an undetectable translucent plastic armour plate for my tongue?"

* also maybe she could make cinnamon rolls shaped like madds's doofy cyclops head when they reunite in the future. Just because i want to eat that.

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drunkme-mories · 3 years

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Okay, here I go...

Since I’ve met you, I find myself on an eternal repetition compulsion.

“Repetition compulsion is a psychological phenomenon in which a person repeats an event or its circumstances over and over again. This includes reenacting the event or putting oneself in situations where the event is likely to happen again.”

It’s like I’m on an infinite roller coaster, stuck on the loops. I don’t know why I am unable to get over you. (I mean, it has been almost 2 years that I’m trying to...).

Some days I go to bed, with a feeling that when I wake up the next morning it would all be just the same, just like before, you know? It would be a usual Friday, before the pandemic, and I’m feeling nervous just to imagine if I’d see you later that night and if you would finally notice me.

You’re still in my head (almost 24/7 lately), but I just don’t know why. Sometimes I justify it with the fact that we never talked in person about everything, we have barely texted about it. I even used to believe that what we had was a karmic relationship.

I keep asking myself “why I’m still thinking and caring about her, even after everything that has happened?” We’ve lost the most important thing to me, that was our friendship. And I know I’ve probably lost the sympathy of your friends (but I promise that you didn’t lose my friend’s sympathy, ‘cause every single time I have talked to them about you, I have always emphasized the fact that it had nothing to do with your character, and that you’re a good person with a good heart) and it hurts so much to know that we will never be able to meet up at the bar again, grab some drinks and spend the night laughing and having fun like we used to.

I even miss the nights we spent during this quarantine texting each other, talking about some crazy shit that has happened to us some years ago, to send each other TikTok’s, to know what’s going through your mind, what’s happening in your life, who’s the new girl that you’re breaking the heart, stuffs like this you know?

I was finally getting used to the idea that we would never see each other again, wouldn’t even talk again, but maybe unconsciously I don’t want that, I don’t want to say goodbye, I want you in my life, even if it’s not like a lover but as a friend, and I wish we could make it out without hurting each other again, and without hurting my lover too.

Well, she was always insecure about you, because even she could see how pure and intense my feelings were for you, even when I didn’t want to see it, and didn’t want to assume it (to you, to her, and myself). And I would probably feel the same way if I were in her shoes.

Since the goddamn day I fell in love with you, I live with this guilt, that consumes me more and more every day, the guilt of not being brave enough to tell you at the time what I was feeling for you (even tho you were always really mean to me, but that’s not the point right now), just like Lizzie did to Casey on that episode... Or to just have sent you a drunk message saying “hey bitch I fucking love you can you stop being trash to me and just accept to go on a date with me, to steal me a kiss after some glasses of wine, and tell me that you feel the same way about me?” you know? 😂

But now this guilt is even worse, because I’m with someone else, who I unconditionally love and cherish, but I know that I’ll never love anyone the same way I have loved you and it kills me inside.

Sometimes I think I'm not enough for her, that I wouldn't be enough for you if we ever had become something, that I don't deserve to be loved, and I know that it's probably true...

But anyway, sorry if sending you that previous ask sounded like I was being selfish, or that I was trying to take advantage of you, ‘cause it wasn't my real intention.

I wish I could erase this feeling on us, so we could meet again and laugh about all of this chaos, especially about the stuff we both wrote about each other ‘cause, I mean... I was never a good writer, but I kinda wrote some poems about you, I even wrote you a letter, remember? Not that I'm trying to be cocky but I nailed the poems, they're pretty good, maybe I should try to write some more so I can publish a book, Rupi Kaur style 😂 sorry, I tend to use humor as a coping mechanism.

But anyway, I hope you're doing good, that you have achieved your dream of entering a med school, that you're going to therapy, and I'm still hoping we could still be friends, even grab a coffee someday, and finally talk about everything in person. I will always wish you the best! 🌕

Yeah let me go topic by topic ok.

First of all. It’s good to talk to you again.

Second, yeah I also feel lost in that loop (by the away great taylor song about it the way I loved you check that out). But I don’t thing it’s karma at least no a bad karma. I think we have this weird connection that every time I’m thinking about you a lot, like these lasts days you show up in my life again and I can’t help but think that we’re going to always be in each other’s life bc were supposed to. This weekend my family was talking about other lives and even I don’t believe in that, I thought this may be us.

About lost our friendship I spoke to one of my friends a couple months ago that I was missing you. And I didn’t know why. So I told him “ok I’m going to text her”. He told me to look at our old conversations to see if eventually we’d have those conversations now that you’re dating. And FUCK looking back to that hurt me. But it was good to see how much I’ve change, you know, that last convo when I was saying that I was jealous and i couldn’t just say “I’m jealous of you, you dumb bitch” was especially cringe for me. But yeah, he’s the only friend of me that knows and he’s not our (strange to say our bc that’s no us at all) number 1 supporter. Cause I don’t even now how to explain to people what we had. It’s something that we don’t even know what it was or what it is.

Now let’s get in to the topic that you blocked me. And I know that was important for you relationship and stuff but I was heartbroken. Like unfollow and muted ok, but cut me like that was cruel of you. I understand. But was hard. I also wanted to told you about some big changes up in my life, wanted to know what you’re up to, love life, college, family and everything. You were some weird friend of me after all.

About being friends I’m 0% into that right now. At this point I can’t see myself having anything with you (but I’m up to a illicit affair). Also fuck her. This 6 moths made me hate her so much and I know is jealousy but I don’t care. I know it’s not kind of me and blablabla but fuck it, she’d also hate me to if she took a look in my brain. And she’s right to feel insecure bc if I had a chance I wouldn’t doubt about it (guess me being a trash didn’t change that much lol). And I know she’s good to you, know she treats you like I’ll never be able, but I just think it should be me, you know, even though if we were both single we’d be nothing like that. So yeah that’s another topic. Fuck her.

And yeah Casey and Izzie will always remember me of you, and also will some songs, and some other movies. That was all I had of you in the last 6 moths so I guess that will change eventually.

It’s good to hear that even though she’s having a lot of was once mine, she would never have it all. That’s good. This past moths I’ve seen she take everything that as ours and turning in to yours so it’s good to know that if I show up at your wedding I would still cause some trouble.

Some things never change right?

I’m really sad to see you putting you down like that. So if my opinion has any importance to you, I think you’re too much for her anyway. And I’m sorry to help you feeling that you don’t deserve love in any kind of way. I think having a past, like you like to call me, won’t make you least or not deserving her love.

It’s not you’re fault you had a 10 and she’s a 5. Ok maybe a 9. Ok in 2019 I was definitely a 5 as well.

Don’t be mad at me I’m just joking ok.

In the moment we sat down and talk about this time we’ll have some good laughs. I still got those poems and I’m still waiting to have the box you told me about. And I guess that’s whats keep us here talking in one unofficially social, talking in other language, me writing texts about you. I’ve never lied to you that I love this drama and I think you might like this as well.

Least, I want to tell you again that right now I can’t see myself having a friendship with you cause I still have a lot of feelings going on. I like to imagine us meeting again in the future, both change, both grown, and living all the things we’ve always wanted but we’re both not ready for it. After that being said, I wish the best for you as well. I’m not going to end it that way bc I feel like this is not the end. So I hope you read this and send me a chat on here so we can talk privately. If you feel like that’s not the right thing to do, I’ll be always here fore you and I’ll always have a song to send you for you to remind of me in secret. Missing you.

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eirosbraindump-blog · 6 years

Text

BRAIN DUMP ENTRY #1

November 8, 2018

Thursday: around 10:30 in the morning

Hello, Joe!

It has been a long time since I called you that. Usually I would just slam words and feelings at you and have forgotten the reason why I named you Joe. i wanted to have someone whom I can always rely my stories to, and that is my journal, it is you Joe.

I wanted to have a friend whom I can trust the secrets of my life with, because as of now I don’t think I have one.

Side comment: Fuck, this is very unusual of me to do journaling early in the morning because most of the times I do this at night pero kailangan ko na magreflect. I need to do something productive because I think I’ve been wasting a lot of time.

______________________________________

Around almost 7 in the pm. Lol haha. Whut???

OKAAAAAAY, so it’s basically NOV. 9, I got distracted by movie watching yesterday and left this one hanging. I’m such a fool. I haven’t done anything productive and I’m pissed off with myself because even journaling, di ko matapos tapos. Sooooo yesterday I just watched a couple of movies (not that important) and then drowned myself on the internet, AGAIN.

Thoughts raging, scribbled memories and fucked up mind. That is basically who I am right now. I don’t even know what to write. I got a lot of thoughts going on in here.

I made iced oreo coffee btw. I’m proud, though i still have to perfect it. but I’m proud. Hehe

So back to my magulong sarili, I watched a movie a while ago. Crazy Rich Asians. It’s a good movie though, while watching that I have a lot going on in my mind. First, I got jealous with the girl because how can she be that lucky! Like oh my gosh Rachel, u got a crazy rich man like that who really loves you and then you only gonna turn him down! She is really a strong woman btw. Nick’s family hates her and she just got along with it. SECOND, arrrgh that movie made me feel how single I am and it made me miss my fckin ex-boyfriend AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH. As much as I wanted to forget that asshole, I can’t. because you know what? He gave me two years of happiness that I can’t just forget, bet nobody can do that to me, even my family. Though I appreciate them, every moment of my life I’ve loved my family especially my parents. But there’s just something with Kiko that really made me who I am today. When I met him it was like I finally knew who I really am. I found myself you know? I learned so much for the past two years that I’ve known him. It taught me so much lesson. Life taught so much. I became to appreciate little things because of him. Although I know that we’re not that lowkey to everyone but our treatment, the way we treat each other is kami lang ang nakakaalam at kami lang ang nakakaramdam. Damn you, kiko. I loved you. I really did love you so much it came to the point that it broke my heart really bad. I still love you up until now though, but I don’t think I’m in the right position to love u like I loved you the way I did before.

Kani-kanina lang, I’ve watched a video about journaling, I forgot the name of the girl but there’s this one thing that she said that I can’t forget (though she just re-quoted it, she’s really not the one who said that, I think.) “Forgiveness is the way/road to Happiness.” I don’t think that I have completely moved on yet, I’d just lie to myself if I said that I already did, but I don’t know if I have completely forgave you, and I know that I have been a bitch at times to you (on social media) and to your girl. But that girl is really being a lowclass obsessive bitch she’s really like nagpaparinig sakin na parang mas affected pa siya kesa sating dalawa. Aarrrghh. I cant just be happy for you yet. You really broke my heart Ching. Anyways, as I was saying, that girl on the video also said to write a letter of forgiveness to someone because it will help yourself to freeload your bothering thoughts. So I decided to do that, not just now because I cant promise myself (yet) that I won’t get affected just by seeing your random jejemon-ish pic with the girl i-was-once-got-jealous-into-but-you-said-to-me-don’t-because-she’s-just-a-friend-who-turned-out-to-be-your-girlfriend-today together with you.

Aside from hating and loving my ex at the same time, I have more randomly important life-related thought still going into my head like: what am I going to be after graduation? because I never saw myself being an employee. I don’t know, whenever I think of what am I gonna be, I just see me walking with confidence together with high-fashioned business clothes with high heels and sunglasses inside a random office building. Maybe I’m gonna be a ceo or something. Haha. And then there’s this purpose chorvaness of me. like, what is really my purpose in life ba? What is my actual calling? Am I gonna be like this forever?

Eiro, you know yourself better than anyone else. I can see who am I on the inside, but theres this one thing that I can’t see that people can see: who am I on the outside. Let me give you an example kung gaano kagulo ang personality ko (idk if personality is the right term but. . .) 1. Before sembreak came, I was like ‘oh I should do something productive on sembreak, like I should re-learn photoshop, read books, learn something new and blablabla.’ Some of that happened syempre kasi I was in the urge of reconstructing and discovering me diba? I re-learned Photoshop but I stopped when I got proud of the first project that I made. I didn’t even bother continuing the second project. And then I read a book naman although–haha, I stopped, I don’t know why pero gabi ko kasi binasa yun tapos kinabukasan I didn’t bother to touch it. I cant say that it’s the same old eiro kasi di naman ako ganito dati. You know what? I’ll be harsh to myself, I became a fucking ningas cugon na!

(break muna nandito na parent ko hehe)

Bello. It’s NOV 13 na and I can’t even get this fucking done. It’s around almost 10:30PM so maybe I’ll be like medj sabaw na hahahaha. But I need to get this done you know?

So many things have had happened this past days. Im afraid that my parents are losing their sparks for each other, and I don’t want to let that just fade, so I always make a way to remind them the reason why they stayed at each other’s side. My mum can be stubborn sometimes and my dad is a big pain in the head. Theyre both a pain in the head.

My relationship with kiko is a big blessing in disguise. Yung mga lesson na natutunan ko is naapply ko sa mga magulang ko. And I’m proud of what I did to both of them. I have so many problems in life and I don’t want my family to be one of them. Aside from my friends, sila na lang ang pinagkukunan ko ng lakas at ayoko naman na pati sila ay maging dahilan ng pagsuko ko. Lord please give me strength.

My parents are okay now. I guess the advices that i gave to them works. I love them so much and it hurts me whenever I see them into cold war.

So yesterday, I have this kwento. I dreamt of kiko. I dont want to forget that dream kaya I immediately get my phone and wrote down what happened. Here’s what I wrote:

“11/12/18 4:47am grudgy and sleepy. but idon wanna forget this dream that i had. i meed to write this i had a dream i was with kiko we are on the fx daw and we were standing i know right haha basta fx yun you know dreams are weird sa pagkakaalam ko we were going to sm north edsa and i was hugging him while standing. and he keeps giving me forehead kisses. puta namiss ko yun. pero may isa akong nagawang mali, binitawan ko siya. kumalas ako sa pagkakayakap sa kanya sa kadahilanang majudge ng mundo. were fckin doing pda on that ride. i hate myself for that. binitawan ko siya pota (nakuha tuloy ng iba). then i woke up. Lord, please stop giving me dreams like that. iniisip ko tuloy na sign siya or something. lalo po akong umaasa. please sana yung nangyari po na yun panaginip na lang na habang tumatagal nakakalimutan. i am happy Lord kasi having a relationship with kiko taught me so many lessons that i can say i already applied to some. i see it as a blessing in disguise. pero, how long will i keep hurting Lord? -your broken daughter,Eiro.“

Yeah, I kinda forgot that ganyan pala yung mga sinulat ko.

Kiko having a girlfriend is a big slap on my face. I think I lowkey gonna accept pa if he broke up with me just to save the relationship, kaso hindi eh. Pinagpalit ako friend. Agad! Alam mo ba yung feeling na parang wala ka ng karapatan na mag selos at mangamusta man lang sa kanya kahit gusto mo kasi alam mong may nagmamayari na sa kanya? Yung parang ang only choice mo na lang is mag move on at parang wala ka na sa lugar masaktan? Though I’m really moving on, may mga times lang na pagdumadating yung mga dates na ay kinalaman sa kanya is biglang bumabalik lahat ng sakit. All I have to do is wait for that day to be over. And it is so dumb of me because I didn’t even noticed that 4 fucking months have passed and the pain that I am feeling is the same like it just happened yesterday.

Anyways, you know I really need to stop talking about them no? kasi it’s bad for a moving on Eiro.

So It’s almost 11pm and this time is way passed my sleeping time. I just got a lot of brain dump going on that I need to write or else I think I’ll get crazy.

Kinakamusta ko lang naman yung sarili ko and I just really wanted to finsh this entry. And also I am requiring myself to reflect weekly, if not, monthly. Just so I see my improvements and how far I’ve come.

Another side story or cause di ko lang maisingit sa iba hahahah. I am so much thankful for my friends. They really helped me cope up with my problems and helped me get up in my broken situations.

And oh my gosh, nakakainis pala kasi Kiko is using our slangs when we were still a couple sa new gf niya. Like omg ang lame lang at nakakainis kasi. Di ko maexpress through sulat yung nararamdamn ko pero its like a big “PUTANGINA BAKIT?” to my face.

I know bashing them and ranting here are useless, pero kasi it helps me cope up with my problem. Kailangan ko lang mailabas to and to let myself believe that I’m the better one. Friends also said to me that the best revenge is to show them that you are not affected kasi pag pinakita mong apektado ka, ikaw yung talo. And to show kiko that you improved and that youre even happy without him is the best that you can give to him and to yourself.

Girl, I. AM. SERVING!!!

You got served mf a-hole together with your bitch! Jk I still care for you, Ching.

Oh right, shit. With these raging thoughts and feelings, I really need to write a letter to Kiko. Di nga lang yung letter of forgiveness hehe.

So I think that’s it for today, I still have a lot going on though. Hehe

- Confused Rose

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kouroii · 6 years

Text

Dear me / 13′2′18

As many of you probably noticed (the ones that are still there), I’ve been posting a lot less than before and that’s why I’m writing this. When I first created my blog, this blog, I was a huge anime fan and every time I looked for pictures ended up in tumblr so I decided to create this, whatever you’ll like to call it, as a way to show how much I loved anime (at that time), japanese culture and blablabla. But a few months latter I descover loving tumblr more than anime, I really tried to go back into the anime world but it wasn’t that exciting anymore, nothig really was. I was feeling so bad with myself, with everything and everyone arround me, I though that I was not going to be abble to find something as exciting again. But there was one thing I really loved: be here, in tumblr, hours and hours. It was the perfect distraction at the time and sometimes I discover myself spending hours here without even notice. After all, I started to get into kpop, and with that came music, specially 5h. Having something to lose myself into have always been so helfull in my life and I was so afraid to lose all these too that I hold to them as strong as I could. With kpop also came singing and dancing, so I’ve started to spend a lot of time in youtube and twitter, I was moving away from tumblr so fast. Right know, I’m probably worst than I’ve ever been in my whole life. Maybe some of you saw that in my other blog (which I opened when I lost my taste in anime) I have a rabbit as a profile picture, I think it’s from a manga bc of how it’s draw. That picture means so much for me, on one side we have manga representing my ex-love for anime, it’s a tradicional draw so it shows that passion too and, most important, it’s a rabbit. This is nothing new, I’ve always loved rabbits and so I had one for 8 years, he died a few weeks ago and I’m simple lost without him right now. I could be here writing about a million of bad things but the real reason I’m writing is to remind myself that you’ll be okay sunshine, because I belive in you (me lol) and you’re the strongest person I know. I know you’ll enter to Tumblr when you’re feeling down, lookig for anything to feel better so here I am writing for you. You’re beautiful, intelligent, strong, mature and a preciuos human begind. Maybe now you cannot see it that way but believe me, there is people out there who love you because of who you are, not because of what you have or who you hang out with. I know is hard, but right now, I’m at my worst, I’ve lost a lot but I have hope in you (future me jeje). I know you’re going to be abble laugh again and say ‘’Everything is fine’’ and truly mean it. So please don’t do anything stupid, breathe, take a look at what is arround you and take it easy. You need to talk to someone, talk, even if it’s to say him/her to go to hell, talk. Don’t save ANYTHING bad for yourself, it’ll kill inside and it’d be even worse. And hey, right now I don’t have a close friend, or a supportive family, the one who I loved the most died, I can’t sleep, eat or even go out without regret it and probably everyone thinks that I’ve alredy killed myself but I’m trying and that’s what really matters. So try, Go out. Call someone and cry for hours, I’m sure there’s someone, and if there is not, you can always write or paint something, but you can do it. I know it’s hard to love myself but don’t forget that I love you and believe in you -Your stupid 15 years old self <3

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sey2017-blog · 7 years

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// August 29 2017

To describe the past week and a half? I would say... bipolar.

I finally finished my first week of work. I met some really good people. David, the 29 year old artist/white guy, Jinny 22, Henny 23, Stella 23, JiHun 23, Jung Hyun 25 were all my mains this week. I had dinner with a girl named JunMin, which was fun and sometimes I walk to work with Mina when I run into her. People in Korea are really kind in terms of helping you out. Stella treats me like her own sister already and I’ve known her a week and a half. If I spill something on my shirt or have wrinkles on my shirt she would help me straighten it out, she introduced me to people that would be good to network with, put in a good word for me at work so I can work in my desired section, and gave me a lot of advice for work- opportunities that I need to take and how to do better than the other interns that are going to come. I JUST met her and she was bending her back doing things I wouldn’t even have thought to do for my acquaintances. She even showed me the best bathroom in the building to poop (without me even asking). She... is the definition of the real MVP. She also called me randomly and we chatted this weekend til 2AM. Jung Hyun Oppa also lent me his portable charger when I was going to fix my phone, tried to trouble shoot my phone, walks me to the station, gives me directions everywhere, etc. I slept over at Jinny’s house and she let me sleep in her bed alone, shower, and even made me breakfast after knowing me for a week. People are just really kind and feel like family fast in Korea as opposed to America where people need some time to become close.

They are leaving this week and it will just be me and JiHun left for the interns.... I met SO many people! Last thursday I went to an event where all the interns of all offices gathered and talked to the ambassador. More people than I’d meet in a year in Eugene! I also saw this really handsome man that I saw last month but it turns out he works at the US embassy too. I realized I definitely like the dark hair dark eyes tan skin look. It makes me feel good that I met all these nice people and am excited for the interns that will be coming into our office. I also realized that I had been only hanging with people my own age for a long time, andd now that Im with a lot more people in their 20s, age is more negligible than at other ages. Like how I can have good convos with the guy that’s 29 even though he’s 8 years older, as opposed to if I was 11 and he was 19. I’m going to take it as a true sign of being an adult.

Working at an embassy is interesting. There is a lot of exclusivity. I can go into areas other people can’t because I have a badge, and I get to escort guests because they can’t go anywhere without an escort. But also, there are a lot of places I don’t have access too, like the Base. The base is where the american diplomats and their families live. I got to go to a party in the base two nights ago and it was interesting because when I mentioned going in the base, my fam/friends were shook and excited because not just anyone is allowed to go. I don’t know how I feel about this exclusivity thing. People are definitely NOT treated as equals, and I think that kind of bugs me. Also, it bothers me that kids of diplomats can just get jobs and get paid for it in the embassy just because they are the kids of the diplomats, while we are out here working for free. Jinny was complaining to me about having to go to work (she lives 10mins away and has a shuttle that takes her which would make it 4 minutes) and she gets paid and does less work, and I just told her to stop complaining. Also her sister was telling me how she works in the embassy and just naps and nobody notices (and she gets paid for it). Jinny joked about her and i skipping work the next day and the other interns said if Sey does that she will get fired!!! and Jinny said oh... I can’t get fired... cuz the Americans view me as their own kid messing up.... because they are also diplomats like my dad. I understand people come from different backgrounds, but that just didn’t sit quite well with me and just bugs me. It doesn’t make sense that something that’s supposed to be so professional like diplomacy can be run that unfairly (from my point of view). I’m realizing that maybe it isn’t what I thought it was.

When I went to the intern lunch, I saw grad students that were 23, who had passed the FSO exam and would be going to DC in the fall to start their careers as diplomats. At that young age! I was so impressed. Also, listening to the ambassador’s story of travels, diplomacy, and experiencing different cultures, I realized what an important and meaningful job being a diplomat was and it made me more interested in becoming one. Being around people who have accomplished a lot and are going places makes me set my sights even higher and be excited for my career.

I’ve also been very discouraged as well. My family got annoyed with me and thought I was being rude cuz i was cranky when I napped and didnt eat dinner, and they were passive aggressive with me for a couple days. They aren’t that interested in what I have to say about work, and always seem to be stuck in their own bubbles, which is fine. One night I didnt want to go home because I was annoyed at my fam and I just sat on the swings outside my apartment and had my alone time. I feel like I have to watch my actions at home and at work and can never truly be myself or have alone time. I havent had time to watch TV or my hobbies and even writing this is such a treat for me. I’ve teared up multiple times because I’m so drained from dealing with family, not having enough alone time, being so tired, and I have to take care of myself. It was fine doing it in eugene but here it’s discouraging because they wanted me to stay in this city instead of moving so they could take care of me and they havent been doing that that well. Sometimes they try. yesterday i treated myself at Daiso, an asian dollar tree and I bought stuff that I like and a cute bulletin board to remind me of people who I can be myself around. I put up messages from nomuna, jessy and brenda from nomuna’s birthday gift last year. It was a friendly reminder.

My family is going on a vacation without me because i cant get the days off. They didnt even talk to me about it they just said... “can u get 11th off?” and i said hesitantly “uhhh....” and then the other aunt said “whatever she cant it’s whatever” so i think im going to be home alone. I got mad at mom last week cuz she wrote me 10 pages on how I should act around my family. She said dont just do ur dishes, do EVERYONE’s dishes. Dont be picky with food, say this to gma, act like this to this aunt, like that to this aunt, blablabla. I got mad at her because I already feel so uncomfortable living with family here because... they seem to care less about my work or day than even my friends back home. It’s just so weird that they are family but are less family than my friends and that’s just so uncomfortable to me and awkward. I was very open at first sharing my day but i can tell they don’t listen attentively and brush things i say off. they DO have their way of showing love, such as calling me when it’s raining LOL (which is useless like wtf r u gonna do by calling). I just miss being myself, and I miss being heard.

I went to a party on Sunday and it was SUCH a blast!!! Koreans know how to have a good time. We played TONS of games and I won at most of them. :) I also realized how quiet I was compared to other people and thought to myself, “ i am so awkward in group settings”.

Last friday, I went to Han river with the childhood friend. it was an AMAZING time. We sat on the grass and ate pizza and joked around and took pictures of the city and walked across the bridge of life / suicide bridge and read the quotes. He is probably the only one I truly 100% feel myself around in Korea, and I really like hanging out with him.

There are also so many couples here. Couples kissing, couples hugging, couples in couple shirts, couple shoes, couple pants, couple hairstyles.... Too many couples. It makes me feel single and I aint even single. I miss bryan a lot too. I just miss having someone there to experience everything with me and knowing all my problems and asking how my day was in person. After being here, I am even more appreciative that I have someone who I can really truly be myself without having to filter myself. It makes me miss home, but in all honesty, I just miss the people.

Also, I get fat shamed a lot here. By my gma, by a kid in an elevator, basically by random people like aunts too. And i hear a lot of other crap too sometimes, about my personality, about my habits, but fat shaming is the most prominent. The fact that i can hear that stuff and not give a flying f/laugh about it really has shown me i don’t care about what people say and am really confident in who I am, which I think is something good I realized. I truly believe that if you want to go far, you should not be able to let people’s opinions or judgments deter your belief in who you are.

It took a while to write this. But the point is, I miss my friends, but I’m making new ones, staying busy, having fun, trying to treat myself and love myself once in a while, and even if I can’t be myself most of the time, I really am trying to find some alternatives. These past weeks have been so eventful, so busy, and I am so blessed to meet so many good people and to be learning so much. <3

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lovecanbesostrange · 6 years

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Crisis on Earth X is a thing that really happened and I was surprised how many little things were in there that made me very happy. Of course it will always be a sour subject, because wtf did they think that literal Nazis were necessary?

I’m sure there are hundreds of posts talking about this anyway, it all started when news broke, what would happen and now seeing it... WHY? I am not against evil doppelgangers, I love the concept. Especially if they meet and we can see how paths diverge and the good twin, who is in some sort of emotional crisis, finds new strength/faith/believe/confidence. And this would’ve been so easy here.

I like the concept of evil Supergirl. But just have Earth X be a world that was conquered by Superman first. History changed blablabla and now there is this place where physical power reigns and while the few good people killed Superman, everything was worse when Supergirl arrived and took his place. Wow, is she pissed off, losing her planet and learning how humans killed her cousin (her last piece of family). And build the world from there.

It can still be a fascist regime, but it’s enough to have like some sort of stand-in Nazis. I don’t need swastikas, a fucking SS emblem on Supergirl’s chest and concentration camps complete with historical accurate stars of David and pink triangles. Fuck you!

And this evil Kara would still tie in perfectly with our Kara. Better than humans, doing whatever she wants, because she can. In “Supergirl” Kara had to deal with being worshipped and she there is this loneliness, because yes, she is not human and it has become a shield for her. And seeing such a perverted version of herself can be a great inner journey. But the whole Führer crap (lol Kara second-in-command, really????) takes away from that.

I’m somewhat “glad” they remembered that Felicity and Stein are jewish. Then again this came in handy for more revolting drama. I didn’t need to see Earth-X Felicity brought in like that. Also having the “Arbeit macht frei” sign including the upside down b felt so wrong, there is a very specific story behind it. It’s not like superhero stories can’t use this, it’s just... look, seeing Magneto visit Auschwitz means something. Marvel fucked up enough with Hydra!Steve. I don’t need a four episode crossover event of overall lighthearted superhero shows to crank the Nazi shit up to 11. Yes, they are getting punched and everybody gets a “I hate Nazis” line... but you fucking still tortured you two jewish characters and KILLED ONE OF THEM!!

Okay, so Professor Martin Stein was going. You wanted a big heroic death scene/sacrifice as a sucker punch for the end. Have this big loss. I get it. But don’t kill dear jewish Grandpa by faceless swastika wearing nazi soldiers............ PROTECT FELICITY AND STEIN HERE AT ALL COSTS!

I can’t even enjoy seeing The Ray and Earth-X Leo Snart smooching. It’s tainted, because remembering that other minorities were targeted (and having Alex and Sara exchange a glance there, when Stein explains the pink triangles)....... just FUCK YOU ALL.

And that very sweet double wedding ending... it’s spoiled a little bit. Because I do remember the Ronnie/Caitlin wedding, WITH STEIN OFFICIATING! Btw thank you for every moment Stein and Caitlin had. Those were amazing. And that you mentioned that wedding. (Also Caitlin clearifying that she helped with that serum and it isn’t just Cisco and Harry who do the science thing... even though FUCK YOU again, because taking it was so horrible in the end.)

Let all the doppelgangers be super-assholes, let them be villains who out-evil all the main villains. Let Eobard look like the least threatening of them all somehow. Let them kill and conquer and oppress. But you don’t need to put real life monstrosities in there for that.

Okay, okay, so that overshadows everything, but if I step back and look at this as a all-the-superheroes-meet-and-fight-and-save-each-other crossover event. It worked very well. Definitely better than last year (where Kara’s presence was not necessary, guess that’s why she was so prominent this time?) and I liked how everybody could pitch in. And getting some nice personal scenes, before and during the crisis.

I’m very much okay that Central City and “The Flash” family are like the anchor to all of this. “Arrow” was first, sure, but it’s too doom and gloom all the time. Star LABS is a great base of operations and who wouldn’t love Barry and Iris? Sara started out on “Arrow” and thank you, that she always keeps a special connection to Ollie. And Ray was in Star City first as well. Yet somehow the Legends work better in connection to “The Flash” and metahumans and all.

Alex having a little panic attack, because she had her first one night stand was somewhat cute. And I guess there’s no better person to share this with than Sara. XD And Kara cheering her on was hilarious. Yay, sorry you two had a vacation in hell there... tbh if this team needed a leader, I still think Alex would be better qualified than Oliver. Except it turned out to be about Kara and with her sister in danger all rational thought went bye-bye. We are in S6 of “Arrow” and Ollie pulls the same bs as always and I still don’t buy into him as a leader. And sorry, but Sara is the one I want in my corner when shit hits the fan, but the leading aspect... Alex is the best trained for this (as long as J’onn isn’t around), but the biggest handicap for her is not knowing these people yet. And the writers love putting Ollie front and center (on fucking both sides).

I have had a lot of ups and downs with my liking of Felicity (mainly due to rubbish writing for unnecessary drama), but she got to put her best foot forth. OMG when she stood in front of helpless Kara, bodyshielding her. PRAISE! Teaming up with Iris was really cool.

Speaking of cool, I love you, Killer Frost. :3 a) I’m pissed Führer!Ollie didn’t lose his arm to her power, she was freezing him, come on! b) Can she team up with The Ray? Because that money shot with the whole team for the last fight they gave off this Firestar/Iceman vibe. Or c) let her hang out with Amaya and Zari, that was a great girl power moment.

Look, I don’t care too much about the plot. I’m okay with “let’s conquer another earth, and we choose the one day where the most superheroes are grouped up, because we are super confident we can take them; and then we take the heart of one for a transplant”. The most important part about a crossover like this to me are the character moments. (Same goes for event comics, where writers still believe anybody gives a rat’s ass about a convuluted plot with twists they pulled out of their ass. NO WE DON’T!) Know what had me clapping with joy? The caterer at the wedding, don’t try to tell me that was anybody but the daughter of Barry and Iris from the future. That is exciting!

The only other plot device I want to UGH about was the use of Red Tornado. Loved seeing General Schott as the resistance leader. And you know what, I understand why he didn’t want to give them time in the first place. But then he does, but oh no, he orders the strike earlier anyway and suddenly Flash and Ray have to fight the weapon that would help weaken the evil that destroys this Earth. Okay, so evil Oliver and Kara die anyway and Earth-X Felicity was just send off with a gun and will inspire hope I guess... but still... the Crisis on Earth-X is not totally over.

I could go on and on. Even with some nice parts. But again, fuck you for making me cry like that. EVERYBODY PLEASE HUG JEFFERSON SOME MORE!

#Crisis on Earth X #Supergirl #Arrow #The Flash #Legends of Tomorrow

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