#How many ppl knew of my existence and knew of this books existence and did not mentally combine the two?????????

[drumlincountry]

A fun fact about Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler is that it is set in July 2024

#The beginning is anyhow #I can't believe I haven't read this book before it's so TRUE AND GOOD AND HORRIBLE AND BEAUTIFUL #octavia butler #parable of the sower #I'm kinda like. The fact that no one has told me omg eefa u need to read this it's so you #Is a bad sign for my ability to communicate my priorities and interests to other ppl #How many ppl knew of my existence and knew of this books existence and did not mentally combine the two????????? #Terrible to consider #Books

[broodingheroine]

tmagp thoughts (this will be pure nonsense I just need to write it down)

alice is so tim coded

obviously there's a connection anyone can make to the multiple statements abt urban exploration/spelunking in tma and the redcanary forum thread.... it invites the horrors (connection to danny?)

gwen is a ✨️bouchard✨️ (implication that while its a parallel universe the same ppl still exist? supports possibility of spelunking forum thread connecting to danny somehow (not actually super sold on that but seen a lot of ppl mention it so))

colin is definitely going to succumb to the horrors :/ (either first to die OR..... this universes version of an avatar?)

CHESTER AND NORRIS!!!

I'm of the firm opinion that they're jmart BUT! but but but! I do believe they're echoes of who they were, this just so happens to be Somewhere Else.

also! yes I understand that we most likely will Not get any tma characters in any meaningful way in tmagp, however I also believe that alex and jonny couldve very easily.... not...... voiced the text to speeches....... like yeah I dont think we're getting jmart as we knew them but..... come on

also also. the text to speeches got less robot sounding the longer they were reading and it really reminded me of how ppl reading statements would slowly get invested as they were reading and emote as if it were happening to them.

sam is on the archivist (or tmagp equivalent) pipeline already yikes

the turpentine line was raw as fuck. so was the canary one obviously. don't want to beat a dead horse by talking abt that bc so many others have already said it. but! the institute is deadly stay away!!

the sound engineering is god tier I love all the bleeps and bloops

colin knows smth is Watching. inadvertently feeding the eye by being paranoid? does the eye even exist the same way it did in tma?

theres definitely smth to be said abt whether or not robert smirke did his thing the way he did in tma and if anyone in the know uses the same classification or if the oiar is the only group categorizing. the fears always kind of blurred together at certain points so maybe without the human interpretation of it being 14 distinct entities it's more of an..... amalgam?

magnus institute is in a different place which is interesting. if it was built for the same reasons (outside of just research) is there another panopticon esque structure underneath? (brings us back to if smirke was doing his thing)

very curious to see if theres gonna be a leitner books equivalent.

I deeply deeply deeply desire a michaela salesa cameo at some point. he's one of my fav side characters.

sam and gwen using classic horror characters to help him try and memorize the classification categories was very cute

another thing I'm sure everyone has talked abt already but the whole world wide WEB thing and possible jmart in the computers and omg they're in the web and the oiar is part of the web and blah blah blah u get the image.

lena is intriguing to me. my guess is she's going to be a gertrude esque character who knows at least the basics of what's really happening and is trying to put a stop to it.

I havent seen anyone talk abt like...... what IS the magnus protocol. like tma was the archives in the magnus institute. the magnus archives. self explanatory from like ep 1. what the hell is the magnus protocol. is it smth fr3-d1 will run? or the text to speeches? is it tmagp's version of a ritual? using protocol to reference the updated tech from tma? is it smth the actual organization has to run in the event of Something Happening? WHAT THE PROTOCOL WHATS IT FORRRRR

I know nothing abt the ARG shit, just to note that

okay I think that's it for now..... feel free to discuss in the notes lol

#tmagp #the magnus protocol #tmagp spoilers #the magnus protocol spoilers

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

this is a little silly and i'm totally aware, but i luv ur blog and resonate with ur outlook on things so i'm really curious 2 hve ur input. i turned 18 in december+ i graduated high scool this weekend and so it's like the first time in my life where i am independently adjusting to a big transition. i missed soo much classes due 2 my brain being fucked and even tho i had friends i still feel rly weird and outsidery i guess. if u have any advice or idk anything i'm running out of space bye xx

thats wonderful news...congrats on gradding its really hard to get thru it 💟 i almost didnt grad cus i was barely present at school, resented every facet of it, the system didnt make sense to me like i just couldnt perform. i dint go to college or anything after highschool i knew it wasnt right for me plus i didnt want the debt. i knew i needed freedom to roam or st..

and tbh i was suuuuch a smart & intuitive child for that decision o.o like thank god thank goddd. i wouldve folded SO fast with state of my mental health back then. unless u r going into STEM idt school is worth it. Like school nevr made sense to me cus u can just be intellectual for free by acting curiously ?? Like u can just live and read books and stuff . . .

i guess my only real goal has ever been to make a lot of DOPE ass memories ~~ push every experience to full potential of beauty it is capable of 🤩 and that is a tad willful of me, so my arrogance has lead to many defeats but despite how painful its beeen.. im glad i did it this way, no ragrets ^^ its wonderful to be 30 now & look back at it all. following my intuition always worked out in the end..

When you're 18-24 i think all u should really be doing is like. chilling, recovering from highschool, smoking cigs, taking photos, listening to songs, reading, trying different clothes, playing outside, Soaking eveything up like a sponge, taking it *in*...taking it all in then thru trial & error figuring out what Really resonates !! and PPL will try to tell u its a waste of time, dont listen!!!! create stuff but dont put pressure on urself to be good at anything yet. dont feel pressure to like, have solidified into something permanent yet? ifthatmakes sense.. goof around a lot, dont limit yourself to any existing structures, be new & expansive, open minded.

And just chill :] look around at your world all the time and think "Wow. I'm 18 and i'll never be 18 again and life is beautiful." i still do this for every age i ever am i think its so imporant to do this. Always Know your older self is looking back upon you kindly no matter how irredeemably fucking fucked u feel <3 i can feel the love from my 40 and 50 and 60 year old self right now. get excited for your unfolding story anon ^-^ i hope its really uniquely perfect just for U and Ur dreams come true. Sincerely, ⭐⭐⭐PMD9⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

[storytellersnek]

Memes are cool but we do not stan Father Jim Defroque in this haunted satanic house. Fucker is an antagonist in the story.

He's not cute or a fun dude to party with. As much as the video is funny and the tune catchy, the comedy is only the sugary coating to make it easier for some to see how vile supposed 'men of god' are or can be. And to some of us, its a very real depiction of people we actually knew.

He's the guy that will beat the shit out of the boy he strings along or out him. Jim will use, exploit, discard and condemned women. He upholds the status quo and gets to do what he wants with impunity. He's an abuser, a predator. He's the dipshit who preaches for our rights to be taken away. He's a grifter who panders to the alt-right.

He's the scumbag who says its divine will when someone in a minority gets their 'comeuppance' and prays for their soul. He applauds the monsters that make it impossible for trans ppl to use a public bathroom or receive life affirming care but his most searched category of the Hub is trans. He is the snake oil salesman who says he can cure the terminally ill and/or says its demons. He preys on people and hides behind a book to feed his ego and habit. He's the fucker who rather we die than have the right to abortion. He's the piece of shit who will give you a sermon about the glass of wine you had but does Nazca sized lines. He's a liar and a thief and a predator.

People like him exist IRL. People who berated me and verbally, emotionally, and psychologically abused me for anything I did from being queer, sexpositive, wearing black eye-shadow, and listening to rock/metal or liking horror stories. To simply being raised aethistically or just the opposite of their own perfect family so therefore must be evil and wrong. My aunt hated me and called me a devil worshiping wh*re because I didn't drink, have boyfriends, or go out like her perfect god fearing kid did. My Nana was convinced I needed to be saved and used a very low point in my life when I was very vulnerable, leading me on line by line to welcome Jesus into my heart. Like some kind of trap or twisted deal.

He's a satirical form of some really shitty fuckheads. And potentially awful predatory people. Yknow like the Inquisition, holy wars, Christian nationalism, all the shit in the Vatican & Catholicism, fucking billionaires and the ever infamous tele-evangelists (which is exactly what the song is abt FYI)

He's a villain and the very thing this band talks about in their music. A hypocritical, self serving, lying, coward. A manipulative little parasite. An ego driven, shitstain who uses god and a book to hurt and use as many as they wish. To get what they want no matter the cost or who pays it. All he cares about is that he keeps his power and doesn't have to face any consequences. He's got a whole flock of sheep and plenty of scapegoats as a pastor. You'll never find him practicing what he's preaching. Won't see him sacrificing. He's got a congregation to do that for him.

He would hurt the characters of the band if given chance. With out the shadow of a doubt in my mind because people like him have hurt me for much less than what any of the characters in Ghost lore are or have done.

He's not a blorbo. Or a secret fling of one of the Papas. Defroque is the asshole who might have traumatized them. He's the conservative fucker trying to set the Ministry of Ghost on fire. There is no enemies to lovers trope here. He's the fucker who wanted to exorcise me for listening to ACDC and Iron Maiden

Needless to say Jim Defroque fans dni.

Edit: The Hockey players are apparently minors? Like Teens. So yeah I stand by what I said. Defroque can choke.

#the band ghost #father jim defroque #ghost bc #ghost band #anti father jim defroque #ghost #jesus he knows me #Phantomime

[marlesbian]

How i perceive Sirius Black

Starting with the basics

- gay he loved men

- genderfluid

- graysexual

- androginy THEY ARE ANDROGINY

- any pronouns (preference for using different pronouns in the same sentence)

- Has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and ADHD

- french/east easian/plain white idk i like these 3 hcs

- 1,78m tall (told everyone was 1,80m)

- Sirius was trained in ballroom dancing, piano, violin and had etiquette lessons as a child. Speaks French, English, German and Russian. She can play almost any instrument tbh.

- Loved to paint, write poetry and draw. (drew mostly on black and grey). Sirius also kept a journal he learned to charm so only his eyes could read it.

- Favorite band was Queen, also loved Bowie, KISS, Led Zeppelin, T. Rex and all of glam rock (later found a passion for punk) and secretly loved Tchaikovsky. Found muggle music through Andromeda. She was like her older sister and his biggest protector, he was destroyed when she was disowned. She kept buying sirius vinyls and sending it to her while she was at school.

- Sirius was a natural born rebel, they defied everything just by existing. "My existence is a scandal" was his motto.

- Sirius loved to read, but at home was only allowed to read russian and french classics like Dostoevsky, Victor Hugo, Tolstoy, Dumas etc.

- Once their uncle Alphard gave him Oscar Wilde books and that became her whole life. She loved 'The ghost of Canterville' and 'The Picture of Dorian Grey'. Sirius never really talked to other ppl about liking books though.

- At home, her life was shit, of course. Her parents were abusive and it started really young, they were manipulative and narcissistic, neglected Sirius's emotions and feelings, and prohibited him from showing their true self. But the abuse was discreet, quiet, it wasn't obvious to him. She knew it wasn't alright but also couldn't recognize it was abuse, to her, their parents just wanted what was best for him, wanted him to be their best self. Her mom still told him she loved them, they still gave star things, they treated them well and like shit at the same time.

- As Sirius was growing up the abuse kept getting worse, they started using curses and hexes and beating him, hurting her in many ways, but she thought he deserved it because that would help them become a better person, she still understood the abuse as care. As he turned 13 he was thought dark arts at home stars parents used his wants and needs as a way to control her, she always had to do something for her family to get basic human treatment. As she got older they started getting more violent, using unforgivables and curses that hurt her physically.

- Walburga was literally one of the worst people to walk on this earth, she was bitter, heartless, prejudiced, violent, ruthless, she was an awful human being and Sirius HATED her. Walburga was obsessed with keeping up appearances, making the family name justice, being better and superior to everyobody else, she had these delusions of grandeur, of maintaining a superiority status. He was scared she could become like her mother one day, that she was as insane as the woman who gave him life but also literally tortured and tried to kill her own children just for the sake of "the family name".

- Her relationship with Regulus was very complicated. When Reg was born Sirius loved him so much, he couldn't even explain. Reg was everything Sirius could never be. He was everything her parents wanted her to be, he was quiet, polite, patient, never spoke out of turn, he did everything his parents wanted him no without question. Sirius could feel in all the ways their parents acted that they loved Reg more, that Reg was what they actually wanted.

- Sirius hated herself for it because she hated his brother for something he could not control but they also loved him more than anything. So their relationship was unstable, some nights they went to each other for comfort, others they wouldnt even share looks. Around 9/8yo Reg told Sirius that he just always knew he had to play a part, to pretend in order to survive in that family, that he had to be literally a perfect child. For most of her life, Sirius did love his brother more than anything. After Reg grew up and started to get more brainwashed by his parents, they drifted apart he resented Sirius, he despised him for being a blood traitor, for being queer, for being wrong. (Abused children deal with abuse in different ways so i would never say regulus was a bad person, he was victim) Sirius had to leave and it was the right thing to do.

- Only started to have longer hair by the end of 4th year

- He was a happy child, a little star, brighting people's days, always laughing and being just loud. Her mother hated it. Orion was just neglectful and complacent with Walburga.

- Sirius was very loud, just a loud person, who talked loud, walked making noise, talked with their whole body

- His presence was always noticed, because she could not shut up. They always knew something was wrong in the way her family worked, every night she cried looking at the stars wishing to be saved, because she knew life could be better, she always felt something was missing, like a void in his chest, like he wasn't complete. That void was filled with James. He felt how real normal people love for the first time with James. He was the brother she wanted Reg to be, James was supportive of his every action and trait, they could hug and show affection.

- James was so much more than just a best friend, he was truly Sirius' brother, their relationship wasn't platonic nor romantic, their loved surpassed these notions we have of love. Their love just was. Nothing could compare to Remus though, he was her soulmate, her other half, they were connected by the red string, they were born to be together. He probably fell in love with Remus the second they met.

- Sirius was sensitive and also strong, she cried himself to sleep sometimes bc he didn't wanna bother anyone. He used humor to hide the fact that she hated himself, he was always cracking jokes and making people laugh, because that made her feel loved.

- Sometimes she lost her sense of self, she dissociated and wondered who she even was, if that person was actually them, if he wasnt pretending just to cause a scene, those days she became distant, nobody recognized him. He was agressive and impulsive and somehow was always hurting the people she cared most.

- Some days she felt like a complete failiure and waste of space, other days she felt he was better than every other living human, some days she loved who she was, others he wanted to die and be born as someone else. He didn't know how he felt about himself, nothing in her was constant, except the change. She didn't know how she felt, it was empty and simultaniously overwhelming because she felt everything and nothing at the same time. She was insecure and over confident, rude and also sweet and polite.

-His boggart was being left by everyone he loved.

- There was a time in his life where she treated everyone like shit on purpose because she was convinced that everyone would leave him and some point so it would be "her choice". That didnt last and it was awful, he felt awful, she cried every day, she began to self harm and hate himself.

- She hated being impulsive and always hurting people. She hated that sometimes his mind kinda shut off and he lost control of what he was doing and saying, hated that she couldn't remember it after, he hated that on these times she always did the worst things imaginable.

- Sirius dressed fem and masc, depends on the day and what he was feeling, they wore lots of leather jackets, croptops, low waisted jeans, oversize jackets, coats and sweaters. loved something showing chest, very flamboyant and sparkly. Their color palette was black, red, grey, purple and dark brown.

- Sirius loved tattoos and piercings. She got her first tattoo on sixth year, along with Remus. She had many ear piercings, nipple piercing and a stud nose (with a ruby on it)

- The relationship with his sexuality was complicated, he always knew she didn't like women the way boys were supposed to. In Hogwarts, he did everything to show everyone that he, in fact, did like girls. Until fifth year, she just couldn't take it anymore. she did hook up with some random girls just for show (nothing sexual, he couldn't physically put themselves through that). But then he met Benjy and that's when it all changed, Benjy helped him discover who she was, what they liked, what felt good and comfortable and what didn’t, helped them with the whole gender thing (Sirius did not give a fuck, sometimes he felt like a boy, sometimes not and that was it, couldn't care less about how ppl referred to or perceived her). So basically the only people he ever had anything with were Remus and Benjy. 

-Sirius found it easy to hate and dislike things and people and she hated herself most of all for it. Because good people can't hate, good people only love, good people don't get angry and destructive. Therefore, in her mind, he was a terrible person.

- Sirius felt like a mistake sometimes, like a waste of space, like he was useless and could have done more to save his brother, to save her cousin, to be loved by their family. For a long time, that was all she wanted, that's what he would see in the mirror of Erised, him being her true self in front of her family, dressed however he pleased, and their family behind smiling, supporting and loving her. 

- His boggart was himself, with the dark mark on her arm. The slytherin green tie, pale skin, hair all short and well cut. His biggest fear was being evil, ending up being the horrible person the voice inside their head kept saying he was.

- His biggest dream for years was being loved by his family, but becoming what they wanted was her biggest fear. She had always been torn.

- James was the one that made them realize that her family was fucked up, that they were wrong, that Sirius was enough and that he did not need to change in order to be treated like a person, that her family wasn't worth it and that she had to let go. It wasn’t easy, it took James five long years, but on December 1975 Sirius came all bloody to the Potters, left her family behind, and began to heal. 

- Sirius was unstable, as established here, he hated herself for it. Sometimes she felt like she only did the wrong thing, like she was rotten and couldn’t be fixed, like she would die being a mistake like he could never be loved and never truly love.

- Sirius just has a very androgynous feminine aura, loved to explore gender expression, and never really cared what people said.

- Sirius Black and Remus Lupin are connected by the red string, they are head over heels in love with each other, they ARE love. Their relationship isn’t toxic, its beautiful and pure and genuine and sweet, it may have had its ups and downs but they never treated each other poorly. Even when they were mad or fighting, if one needed help or comfort, the other put everything aside to come to their aid. They were always touching and holding hands and exchanding looks, their love was so strong you could feel it in the air, everyone around them could see it, it was undeniable.

#sirius black #sirius orion black #sirius being sirius #sirius and james #the marauders era #marauders #marauders era #remus x sirius #wolfstar #prongsfoot #nonbinary sirius black #genderfluid sirius black #fem and masc sirius #sirius and remus #sirius and regulus #the black brothers #the black family #sirius and andromeda #sirius black headcanon

[crunchchute]

need to know when exactly hw2 is taking place so that i can work it into my headcanons cause right now its just not fitting at all. a lot of "..unless?" but i wont know until i get the timeline (more under cut i guess. spoiler territory ahead 🚨🚨)

also i had 6 hours of copium for my sleeptime. if youre a hater just take this as if i was pulling this out of my ass, unless you agree, in which case youre welcome to comment or. nod in agreement.

so how does this help wanted economy affect the fazcoin?

but no for real now. to preface im very forgetful when it comes to fnaf lore and i sometimes miss some plot points and many times they affect my headcanons (once i remember them) but i cant check everything. im just forming my own little timeline with my own ideas i guess, but i still want it to be canon adjacent So!

i believed that its taking place post SB, pre Ruin. which i was super happy with as i was worried it would be pre-SB and not give enough lore that i crave. however, just as ive seen some people say, this didnt help with the lore much, and it just got more confusing for me. still a fantastic game but from a lore point it doesnt give us anything too big or a conclusion (well. maybe one) i also saw people say its post ruin, which i dont agree with but i would agree with during ruin. (when ppl say cassie is the player, i dont think so, need more arguments) its unclear once people bring in other arguments than the obvious roxy's mask or the state of the pizzaplex. but basically as an afton believer its hard for me to work around this, but i will try. never back down never what?

so my hc is iykyk, scraptrap->man in the room->ghost/amalgamation->latching onto tech and the mimic in the form of glitch and burntrap->mimic "shedding" him->wills ghost forming mxes; it also works without the frights books but the afton amalgamation and everything around it is too cool to not use. i fucking love ruinborn afton graaaaah *tears shirt apart* i also liked the idea of his spirit shattering and a piece of it forming glitchtrap for years, and i believe it can coexist with mimic, i think burntrap was real and is both mimic and afton.

now. this game. really messing it up for me as glitchtrap existing post or during burntrap just doesnt make sense, i dont want -trap multiples or something (sounds like the years old 2-3 purple guys theory lmao) but i will look into it as glitchtrap and mxes connection..? honestly, i really expected getting to see burntrap here (or at least mimic shown). was burntrap like retconned or something for real??? also still dont understand when people say burntrap isnt the mimic or whatever. no, it is, just with something a little extra on. and that extra is again, wills ghost or remnant or whatever you wanna call it, symbolized by the bonnie parts on his endo, but theres also flesh so yeah, as funny as it sounds i fuck with the afton homunculus growing over mimic theory. its stupid enough, he would do it.

but i wanna focus on mxes, i knew we wouldnt see the entity in the game, didnt expect it. but i also didnt expect the system to show up, which it did, but obviously not the entity yet as i believe they were formed only after burntrap has been "scooped" by tangle (comparing the scooper mimic ending and the burntrap one as a parallel) i just dont understand how glitchtrap is in here. thats the thing i cant figure out! this is 100% post SB so at that point glitchtrap is just gone. how did we get him back now? only ends up with me reaching with like MEGA SPOILERS the vanny ending crushing glitchtrap being a metaphor of her locking away or deleting the code. extreme reaching would be stuffing it into the mxes system where glitch would turn into the entity. but thats way too loose, but ive seen many people call the mxes entity glitchtrap, which doesnt even work with their theory that glitchtrap is mimic, because the entity is obviously not the mimic. like you have to consider this too, not just mimicmimicmimic but then agree that a glitchy rabbit is similar to another glitchy rabbit

lost my thread of thought. and thought of how this all is just, an end to glitchtrap era and only mimic in the future. well.. without an evil rabbit, fnaf will lose its charm for me, i dont know if vanny!cassie would save it for me, i only want wiwi. more wiwi, no mimi *starts glowing red and then explodes* anyway its not that bad. as long as i get to see the mxes entity again i will be good. and as long as im right about the clickteam game, i will be happy :D

also im intrigued by the fallfest showing up again, i really want to see how the maps look and look at all the details.. but in general the area is either underneath or next to the pizzaplex, the body of water in curse of dreadbear imo is the same as the underground water in ruin and hw2 to me confirmed that it truly is all in one place (goes nowhere with this). i love how the hw2 hub is in the pizzasim building. also, another thing, need to check it out again but i want to see if scrap baby is in a vr level or reality so i can theorize about scraptrap, as in, if at least tangle and scrap baby are still around and real in the plex, it would make sense for scraptrap to not show up because he has gone through digitization /j you know the whole pipeline. and so on and so forth

anyway im gonna pet my dogs and maybe read tse and then get back to hw2 in the afternoon. just getting this out of the system and my brain

#i love how when i write these thoughts my english just devolves into a 7yo writing an essay #but yeah. im like 7 and im writing about my favorite character :] #sorry i never have better words or think of better sentences i just translate my thoughts. bare minimum #crunching #gave up on writing more actually. would be longer but im facing reality 😔 #i also accept counter arguments if youre civil #but id rather just stay in my daydream and think that bnuyy wiwi :] #thatse it #waffling about william 2 #<- will use this tag to find my rants later and laugh and lmao at them because i always get shit wrong in these #the one i did about the fnaf movie and my expectations for it was hilarious to look back at. what a naive little guy #wrote this in like an hour. maybe two. time well spent (lie) #long post

[adviceformefromme]

Hi hon, I've always loved your blog and advice—and I'd love to have your guidance and thoughts on my issue.

I carry a lot of guilt and shame over making a terrible mistake 5 years ago, which led to the fall of my longest childhood friendship (16yrs at that point). I thought I was able to accept it, but I still have dreams about my friend that reopens the grief I have for our friendship. Today's dream was probably the worst; it featured them being willing to mend our relationship, us interacting like normal, planning to get matching piercings together, and it felt so real, I was so happy.

I came across their social media acc while taking off followers from a personal art account I hope to invest in this year. I was rly tempted to check on their ig reels and YouTube, but knew I shouldn't and decided not to in the end. If me no longer being in their life makes them able to live their happiest and most fulfilling life, I want that for them, I want to be happy for them. Even if it does hurt/make me sad. It wasn't a perfect friendship, but they were my best friend. I want to heal from this as much as possible, since healing completely is prob unrealistic.

I have a group of close friends, ppl who are much more communicative w me, but we all live far from each other so we only interact digitally. I've moved so many times in my life, that digitally is also the best way for me to keep in touch w any irl old friends—it's hard to keep irl friendships strong when you don't see them in person as much as you could in the past.

Tbh I'm kind of a loser. I'm jobless w/ no degree & don't have a driver's license. I know my lack of motivation to get my life together contributes to the lack of opportunities in seeing my friends in person. I am so comfortable in my home environment, even if emotionally/mentally abusive and fear change even if I know it's good for me. I have dreams and yet I'm scared to make steps towards them. That's a whole other thing tho.

I don't know what I need to move past this mourning. I want to stop carrying this sadness with me. I feel it bear such a heavy weight in my chest. I'm at fault and to blame and i feel terrible for being a bad person/friend to that person, even if I know I'm a better/good friend to the ppl currently in my life. Please help me.

Hey sweetie, I sense so much sadness in your message from how you describe your life, to your loss with your friend. I would recommend journalling or releasing your emotions through some form of expression. It needs to be expressed. Write, cry, paint do what ever you need to do to release these emotions because it seems they are completely weighing you down and hacking away at your self esteem. Writing your friend a letter did come to mind if you really want to let them know how you feel and if it would shift some of the pain you've been feeling. I can't recommend forgiveness healing enough! I've wrote about the process here. The journey to loving yourself and being kind to yourself is a process, especially if you are going from a place of feeling low confidence and self belief. But please don't give up on your hopes and dreams. They are within you for a reason. You are not a bad person, you are human and we all do things we wish we didn't, all we can do is show up better. Do our best each day. Listen to those positive affirmations instead of the music that brings you down. Choose the foods that give you energy, instead of foods that give you the food comma so you actually feel motivated to do your best. Read a book that inspires you, watch a documentary about struggle to success. Go help someone. Do a random act of kindness. Plan your tomorrow. Choose to wear something that makes you feel special. Brush your teeth before bed. Light an incense stick. There are so many little things you can do each day to add some light and love into your existence. Lean into the goodness and I promise the heavy weights of the world will start to shift. You'll start to feel a little lighter day by day. But it will be worth it. The light is within you, keep tending to your fire.

xoxox

#levelup #manifestyourreality #manifesting #lawofattraction #levelupjourney #growthmindset #levelup confidence lawofattraction powerofthemind #manifest #manifestingmindset

[jubilee133]

I think my favorite episode out of reservation dogs in season two is 'stay golden cheesey boy'.

The character Cheese in the beginning of the episode is in the wrong place at the wrong time. Cheese is hanging w his cousin's uncle when the police arrive for a drug bust, and both the uncle and Cheese are taken away. Cheese is then placed in a "poorly underfunded" group home for boys, as he awaits for the legal system to sort out his gaurdian and living situation. It is at the group home Cheese calmly navigates through the home's dynamics.

Here there is two worlds colliding and Cheese's presence amplifys it. From Cheese stating his pronouns and being hilariously misunderstood to gentley dismantling toxic masculinity and revealing his true feelings about his friend Daniel's death, all of this is in a way that is still street smart within an institution. You never really get to know what Cheese thinks about Daniel's death until this episode. When Cheese is talking to a couple of the boys in the group home and he says, "I had a friend named Daniel. He was like my hero. And then he died. Well, he took his own life. I read some reasons why he might've did it. Its just hard for people." This line shows how observant Cheese is and why his character might not be highlighted often the way some of the other characters are (we do love Willie Jack and Bear fo sho): he can be a viewer like us, but where we are given all the answers, Cheese goes out to understand the ppl around him.

On a different note, I related to Cheese. Being both book smart as a marginalized person, living in spaces like the rez, or in my case the inner city where indigenous ppl are the highest population occupants, and then having to navigate through institutions (ex. group homes, juvie, transitional homes, shelters, rehabilitation ect.) is a cognizant experience; you're aware of changing social values of our society but must learn the ropes of the dynamics of an institution which implements survival mentalities. These survival mentalities build skewed power dynamics, as there is always a person or persons who take hold of resources like space, material and/or authority. With these mentalities in place, and an awareness to these dynamics, being a book smart marginalized person demands for you to be also street smart in a way that has you exist in institutional spaces without getting fully entangled with skewed power dynamics.

Let me put it in a way that can be a little more understanding hahaha.

My personal experience, many years ago, I ended up at a women and children homeless shelter for a couple of months, as I was an alcoholic struggling and getting back on feet. This shelter was in Saskatoon's alphabet Avenues: "the ghetto", and was mostly occupied by indigenous women and children. In this shelter was a couple of gang members too. But as I learned the power dynamics, I knew how to stay in my own lane, while being authentic to self. One of those members made a joke to some other women that I was smart but soft and that I needed protecting ("we'll make sure no one bothers justice" lmao). I was both flattered and scared LOL. This is just one example from many instances.

Anyway, watching this episode was kind of nice because I understood Cheese and his handling of being (mistakenly) placed in an institution. He was being a different kind of street smart that I could identify with. This is part of our charm and survival.

Idk if any of this makes sense but yeah, thats whats up with this episode.

#reservation dogs #season two #book smart #street smart #personal #indigenous #late night #stay golden cheesey boy #i hope this doesnt offend anyone #also im alright now so no need to feel bad for me

[tragically-jane-doe]

I'll never be able to acutely explain how lovely and disappointing it was that I figured out who the fuck killed Luke with in the 1st few episode chapter thing anyways me screaming about who dun did it in read more thing a ma bob so like

SPOLIERS for the book

Murder in the family

IVE SEEN TO MANY CRIME SHOWS AND HAVE ZERO FAITH IN KIDS LIKE HOLY FUCK NO ONE THOUGHT TO LOOK INTO THE KIDS A BIT MORE AT THE TIME LIKE CMON YOU WANT ME TO BELIEVE THAT GUY HEARD NOTHING WHEN HIS STEP FATHER WAS KILLED MR I WAS 10!!!!

Anyway it was repeated so fucking much guy was only 10 guy was the only one at home like c'mon baby please hear me out kids can be fucked up

But like so disappointing cause I got reced this book offa tiktok and like the ppl who read it said they didn't see it coming and I was so fucking excited for that I was ready to take fucking notes my dude I did I took notes for all of 3 chapters and they did nothing for me because of one simple line that cemented that one of those fucking kids did it

Guy "then you called 999"

Maura HESITATES then nods

Like okay why you hesitating baby why your obvs disturbed bout something it's a very known thing that family usually protects family I doubt you'd be doing this for ur mama

But like I understand her I would probably not cover for my sibling but I understand also low-key love how Maura covered for Amelia and Amelia covered for Guy those fucking kids are nutters

POOR FUCKING AMELIA BTW she legit saw guy do it and proceeded to shut the fuck up about it and then 20 YEARS LATER that mother fuckin boy is bout to air the shit like damn also I saw her I saw her little why don't we air his shit text like girl ffs you would have ended that show so fast if you did

And on a different note in one of the reddit bits this chemical thing gets brought up that can make it look like you've had a heart attack I for sure thought they would tie that shit in with Andrew later on like damn you had my ass but also could've tied it in with guy cause u know the last bit

And maybe a tiny bit it was maybe lazy to do that final meeting like c'mon

I also hope Mitch goes to prison which probs he didn't cause time limits and such which actually I'm not sure if London has that like america does and also on the fact that it was statutory so whooo knows but I know I wanted to smack a bitch like how dare how dare you say oh she was sophisticated motherfucker girlie pop was 15 I don't care if she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth she was 15 and you sir were 21 stop referring to yourself as a kid stop it please

ALSO I LOWKEY HATE HOW BILL KNEW A BUNCH OF SHIT B4HAND it kinda ruined the fun for me but the twisty bit of Luke being Eric and Eric being Jonah was neat I'll give them that

Also fuck Nick just fuck him

A film genius though like damn I actually wanted to see the show and had to remind myself it didn't exist

Imagine how fucking insane it would be if it did it would be so fucking huge (if there is a show like this that's real not like fiction I would eat that shit up) but also I have issues with how true crime media is most of the time cause some of it is a bit dick sucking towards the bad dude which in turn has mentally ill women/girls be also very very dick sucking towards the fucking murderer but also some of it is just fucking gross towards to victims

ANYWAYS IM CONFUSED ON HOW TO FEEL ABOUT GUY AND THAT FUCKING SUCKS BECAUSE LALIA EXPLAINED HOW IN THEORY IT HAPPENED BUT LIKE FFS HE WAS A KID AT THE TIME BUT THEN AGAIN HE BASHED THE SHIT OUTTA LUKE

Also for any of the mentally ill bitchs like moi that's watched criminal minds a million and one times my faith in kids was killed off in the ian Gallagher episode and I refuse to ever watch it again it makes my skin crawl

#murder in the family #booklr #reading #dont mind me ima go search the author and see what else she can make me scream about

[vulpiximisa]

so i finally finished chapter 0 and if the rest of the cases are going to be like this i low key wanna die

the mystery labyrinth is sooooooo long???? at first glance it looks super cool but then you realize youre just making yuma walk down a long corridor while him and shinigami talk. And he cant even run any faster

and like, how many modes/mini games are there???? the reasoning death match yeah, okay valid. interesting to see yuma literally dodging the verbal assaults, i like the sword over bullets but whatever

then you chose between door options, not sure if theres a DR equivalent of that but okay, but must we see yuma getting slashed every single time

then theres the “reinvestigate the mind crime scene” like uhhhhh sure. I personally hate these kinds of “lets replicate the crime scene” types (AAI Kay’s Little Thief) because its like, how Valid are these clues anyway if youre physically not there

then theres the minecart which is mind logic, fine, i guess

shinigami beach barrel is... a better version of hangmans gambit but not too much better. I like her eye beams. 

GOD gami is.... the idea is funny but iunno why we needed it (their version of the bullet time battle i think?)

AND WE STILL RECREATE THE CRIME IN A COMIC FORM but its in the death note book. ????????? like i get that the wrap up is is necessary but was the comic book format the only way? The stills are very nice though but it loses the charm from DR where it had a different overall style from the rest of the game

like my take away from this first case (its not even the first case its case 0 and now im on the prologue???????) is the graphics are nice but that labyrinth went on for waaaay too long and i dont know if the dialogue is just not for me anymore but it just being yuma and gami is already tiring.

Theres a lot of just talking sequences and yeah in the end of the day its supposed to be a little more than a visual novel but it just feels so slow sometimes?

rip those detectives in the first case, what a waste of characters. i mean, maybe we will re open the case or see mentions of them later but iunno, somehow doubt

Okay so i had already deduced Zilch as the culprit, knowing he used Aphex’s body as a duplicate. (Nice call back to DR1-5). I knew Car 1 and 5 were swapped but I guess I didn’t understand the world enough because of the existence of Shinigami and the “Fortes” so I was under the impression that Zilch’s real Forte was to make things swap and he was lying about the animals. The fact that they explained the whole train car swap logically made me feel like i was thinking too far like a professor layton mystery lmfao.

My dumb ass did not remember the names of the characters so i was having a ball during the minecart mind logic part

anyway on to the prologue, i know as hell that yakou is a fan favorite. everybody loves a scruffy gintoki voiced by koyasu. (not me, but i know ppl like older 20s/young 30s year old “dads”)

#pixi plays rain code

[watsonmj]

2022 YEAR IN REVIEW

tagged: @abc2411 | @seek--rest | @bluepinstripes <3

1. number of stories posted to ao3

27 +/- 2 bc i updated 2 fics that i started last year buuuuuut i reached over 100 works on ao3 !!!! :D

2. word count posted for this year

101,410 (technically More bc i wrote ofic but that is obviously. not posted anywhere)

3. fandoms i wrote for

marvel, dc, pjo, the atlas series, soc, trc/tdt, hp, goncharov

4. pairings

petermj, petergwen, percabeth, libbynico, kanej, bluesey, blue/adam, clois, gonchandrey, jily

5. stories with the most

kudos: accidental heroism (the batman) 3,357 bookmarks: the jones-watson-parkers (spider-man) 844 but since that was posted last year it’s technically accidental heroism again w 640 comment threads: yet again… the jones-watson-parkers with 133 but it is still accidental heroism with 47

6. work i'm most proud of (and why)

ummmm idk actually the work im most proud of is my ofic theo and i cannot Show that to u anyway it’s bc i have never rly fully revised smth like. overhauled it n all that bc i finally Understood theo’s character and it was such a RUSH to work on her fr and ive produced some of my Best Writing To Date!!! for fic tho uh??!??!?!? im pretty proud of most fic ive written this year bc i have tried rly hard ok 😭 usually i can pinpoint a single fic but i think ive written consistently well ???

7. work i'm least proud of (and why)

a home for two (spidey) mostly because i did Not vibe writing it i was literally pulling teeth trying to finish it but ppl seem to like it idk

8. share or describe a favorite review you received

9. a time when writing was really, really hard

uh not for fic but i was tearing my hair out writing theo partially because of the content and partially because it is quite literally Difficult to write what’s perfect in your head and i haven’t even written theo to my own standards ngl

10. a scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

the entirety of final goodbye because. Well. who knew i would be writing goncharov fic actually who knew goncharov would even exist fr but in terms of spidey ... phantom bc. like. well i did not expect to write that At All and i didn't expect it to be That Long (relatively in my taste)

11. a favorite excerpt of your writing

Here’s the thing about loss: sometimes you grow up and around a person, fitting and stretching and expanding to add them to the patchwork of yourself, and when they leave, there’s a scar between both bodies. One here, one gone. An open wound. It’s surprising how much time you can spend with someone and still come out the other end empty-handed. (slip of reality | spidey)

12. how did you grow as a writer this year

oh i have learned to appreciate writing first person bc of theo <3 and writing a little longer things bc i am a serial 1-2k oneshotter and i have Exceeded that a bit

13. how do you hope to grow next year

perhaps i will Finally finish a multichapter fic jesus christ

14. who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc)

there needs to be an @fnh button or smth at this point

15. anything from your real life show up in your writing this year

none that i can point out at the top of my head ! well. except for theo 🧍🏻‍♀️ i gave her too many lysisms which is concerning considering everything wrong w her n her chronic patheticness

16: any new wisdom you can share with other writers

new wisdom??? god not rly but here is some OLD wisdom that i feel like other writers should always listen to… read MORE BOOKS!!!!!!!!!!

17: any projects you're looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year

working on the Novel™ n also attempting to finish all these wips i have left in the grave

18. tag some writers whose answers you'd like to read

LITERALLY ANY OF YOU. IF U SEE THIS UR TAGGED <3

#tag games #writing review #not marvel #text #tais toi lys #soz this took ages <3

[shingogf]

And in celebration of my newfound drive to suddenly post and expand upon my (superb) opinions on my fav pieces of media, i must also say this: i dont rlly agree with the "hehe but its fun to imagine william had 0 motive to murder cuz hes just built diff lol!" affirmation like...yea ok but do u realize how dull and utterly boring that is from a writing pov. Scott cant fuckin write a linear story nor can he model humans to save his own life and has to pull 1000 books out of his ass to fill in the gaps and even THEN it still aint enough. So i can take the liberty to think about the what ifs.

Not negating the existence of serial killers that had a seemingly normal and uneventful upbringing doing what they did later in life at all, that IS a possibility. Theoretically the likes of dahmer and bundy could be put into that category (tho we'll never know for sure but i digress) so yes people who weren't abused or didnt go through major trauma can STILL commit heinous acts.

BUT i still think, for the sake of storytelling and character flavour, that it is infinitely better to say (this is fuckin fnaf lore we STILL dont have a clear answer of who was first nd i've seen many ppl who have diff interpretations when it comes to details cuz duh😑) that evan died FIRST and that was the beginning of william's downward spiral. Just imagine, an already unhealthy mind having to process such immense amounts of agony and grief. It's only logical he'll eventually snap and do something awful. And that only makes his folllowing actions all the more impactful and infinitely more fucked up.

I wont dive rn into the backstory of william that i made and how everything clicks into place when adding up the already known fnaf lore, but just the mere fact that he already by no means was a "good" person and suffered from untreated mental illness and then one of his OWN kids kills ANOTHER ONE OF HIS OWN like. USING HIS OWN CREATION. Can you imagine. That ultimately would make his already egotistical ass think "wow! life fucking sucks and if i cant have shit then no one will!" and thats precisely why he kills charlie afterwards, making her his first victim ever. And that was the only non premeditated murder bc it was done completely on impulse, he saw a chance and took it after henry berated him for his erratic behavior that resulted from evan's death bc it was causing up trouble at work and in their business relationship, so mans simply drove away angrily, saw charlie conveniently locked out of the restaurant and did it in a sick act of revenge that held nothing but pure pent up rage. And after he saw that he could even get away with killing his best friend's kid, he wanted to see just how much he could push it. This also makes sense when u think of when henry says "a wound first inflicted on me" at the end of fnaf 6 bc it implies charlie really being william's first murder and a personal one at that.

AND i have to say i also completely disagree with the whole william offed his wife and yeeted her into ballora theory. Not only would it throw more suspicion on william cuz at this point he had 6 victims and ppl deadass KNEW it was him, but i firmly believe mrs afton skeddadled sometime before elizabeth died. His fuckin marriage fell apart alongside everything else following evan's death in 1983. I believe ballora (just like how circus baby was modeled after elizabeth) was made as an homage to his wife and because it was clear the only family member he felt badly about was michael for obvious reasons. In my mind william always goes for victims he isn't emotionally involved with and actively avoids killing close ones (the only exception to the rule being charlie bc 1. it was done entirely on impulse and i believe its the only crime he regretted at least in the moment and 2. i dont think he was necessarily emotionally involved w charlie despite obvs knowing her, if anything i'd argue HENRY is more emotionally involved w william's kids bc he's a much more mentally healthy person than he is) a.k.a the double life serial killer if u will (think keith jesperson) like he literally cared abt his family in his own weird ass ways, he never wanted evan or ELIZABETH to die.

#t shirt that says under no circumstances should you ask me about william afton #.txt #mine #fnaf #he is just so silly. so goofy i have so much to say abt him. #rotating his fucked up psyche inside my mind like one of those 3d digital models on interactive screens at museums💜💜💜 #like idk if yall realize how FUCKED this is henry was one of the last remaining ppl in his life and when he just u cant be here leave lol #mf SNAPPED

[aezuria]

*ੈ✎ he's an all american boy!

content: american football player! jason grace x reader

╰┈▸ back cover: mortal! au; part I | part II

warnings: cursing (sorry guys), kinda random non-linear plot (but its hcs so its fine)

librarian's annotations: guys help i need a song title/lyric that fits this so it can be my title

also IM GOING FERAL I THINK THE ANGST MADE ME INSANE SO THIS IS HOW I COPE can you guys tell im projecting by the way ppl fawn over him in this

bro is actually hotshot #1

right when he walks into the school he is BOMBARDED with students like theyre papparazi

hes just

tall, handsome, buff- what more could a girl want?? (there are other criteria he meets but we'll get to that later)

the picture perfect quarterback straight from a damn movie

NOT TO MENTION HES NOT SOME COCKY JERK

at first ppl were like "omg hes so hot but im not gonna go up to him cause what if hes mean???"

and then he goes up to them and hes all shy like

"excuse me? i need to get to my locker, sorry if i interrupted your conversation." and hes scratching the back of his neck and smiling awkwardly

HEART EYES

word spreads fast in hs yall already know

so when everyone finds out hes not only tall, handsome and buff but also KIND??

head over heels

and hes not exactly oblivious to it but hes not fully aware of it either

probably like "oh yea a lot of ppl talk to me idk why tho its probably cause my friends are popular"

bby you’re the most popular out of your friends don’t even

hes such a good student too

teachers love him

hes everyones golden boy fr (especially mine teehee)

usually sits in the front of the class unless his friends make him sit with them in the back

then he pulls out his glasses that he keeps in its case, even having the lil wipe thing folded neatly

cue shocked gasps

"omg you wear glasses?"

"do you need to clean them? here have my handkerchief!" ("who even are you can't you see he has one")

"those suit you so well!"

his ears turn red at the sudden burst of attention and he laughs nervously, muttering his thanks

even the teacher wasnt mad at the disruption bc who would get mad at jason?

(he got little nudges from his friends after)

you guys know that one jock whose actually a nerd x nerd trope???

i dont even know if it exists but it sounds cute anyway

thats you and jason

he had his first conversation- if you could call it that, at the library when you guys were abt to grab the same book (ugh so cliche right)

being the gentleman he was, he let you have it

to which you tried to refute but he INSISTED

"oh, y/n it's yours. i'll just get a different one."

which got you a little intimidated bc who wouldnt be intimidated by a 6'2 jock thats the talk of the town

you thanked him profusely and scampered away

wait did he just say my name? how does he even know who i am?

that probably kept you up at night

like "oh my god did i just embarrass myself in front of THE jason grace???? did i walk away weird?"

little did you know that the jason grace was awake that same night

"did i scare her?? why did she look like that when i said her name? did my voice crack? did she think i was weird cause my hand brushed against hers? oh my god my hand brushed against hers.."

started noticing you EVERYWHERE after that

like he knew you guys were in some classes tgt

but he finds that he passes by you SO many times in the hallway

and somehow spots you at a table across the library

was that your usual spot? was this his usual spot now?

like what?? his delusional never-had-a-real-gf-because-that-one-time-he-dated-his-friend-she-turned-out-to-be-a-lesbian ass thinks its fate

very much influenced by all the books he reads (NO he does not read romance he simply finds an interesting book that HAPPENS to have romance)

(and if he did, WHAT OF IT HUH??? THEY COUNT AS BIG BOY BOOKS OKAY)

i have this headcanon that he remembers the name of everyone in his classes because he was always forgettable as a kid and no one really knew his name cause he was so quiet (or he tries really hard to remember because he has this aching feeling that in another timeline he could never remember)

so he doesnt want to make others feel that way and yea

BACK TO HOW HOT HE IS

(stealing part of this from my earlier rant)

its late, hes tired, but hes back in the library to cram for his test tomorrow

so unlike him, usually hed be on top of things, but his minds been on some... other things. persons. person.

hes still sweaty and sore from football practice, having (literally) ran straight here after changing

throws his bag down (quietly of course, he's not some brute) and takes out like three different notebooks, his worn pencil case from freshman year, and his glasses

jason slides them on, pushing it up the bridge of his nose as he gets up and searches for the textbooks he needs

he knows its more comfortable and less time-consuming to just study at home, after all he already has loaner textbooks given out at the start of the school year, but something in his heart wanted him to drag his beat ass here and work

and good thing too, because he sees a familiar hand grab a book from the other side of the bookshelf

not that he just knows what your hand looks like, that'd be weird

it reveals your beautiful eyes, ones jason would love to see closer

he smiles at you from the crack in the bookshelf, murmuring a soft "hello"

you think you just saw an angel with the way the warm light crowned his head

but when you offer to help him study??? he thinks he fell in love

you were his SAVIOR

thanked you a billion times every other sentence and fumbled over his words cause hes never talked with you for this long

his ears are bright red even though the ac in the library was always to the max

also how is he wearing just a shirt

not that you minded though, it gave you a chance to ogle at the way the fabric was fighting for its life to keep him under wraps

and daydream about fantasies that shall not be named (one involving a pink bow around his bicep)

you dont know how long you were helping and how long you spent daydreaming

you hoped you werent being too obvious (it was very, very obvious but jason was too focused to notice)

it felt like mere minutes when jason looks up, a tired but accomplished look on his face

he thanks you one last time, saying he'll make it up to you

you couldnt help but feel disappointed until the fatigue from the day hits you like a bus

he offers to take you home, saying it was too dark out, and that it wouldnt be safe

god, hes such a gentleman

you take him up on the offer as you did NOT plan on dying a virgin

walks you to your door too, can he get any better???

apparently he can because after he got his scores back for his tests, he rushes to you with a bright smile and presents them like a child with their artwork

”i got a hundred! it’s all thanks to you, you’re a really great study buddy!”

of fucking course he gives the credit to you how is he so humble??

like that was alllll him you just sat there and admired the view (so real for that)

after that he practically begs you to go to his next game, saying he'll return the favor by playing extra hard for you

(can he be extra hard for me tho)

you needed no convincing because a. hes jason grace. end of question. (and b, you know his ass would look great in his uniform GOOD GOOGLY MOOGLY)

he even said he’ll treat you if your school wins (which should be the other way around, but he again, insists)

they won, to absolutely no one’s surprise

took you to a cute lil cafe where you guys got drinks and sandwiches

then he overthinks it before bed cause he didn’t make it sound like a date but he really wanted it to be but he wasn’t sure if you felt the same and-

when you guys do start dating, everyones jealous but they cant bear to hate because you guys are just so cute together (bonus if youre short cause height difference couple !!)

he tried to keep it secret cause he didnt want to get you overwhelmed with a bunch of attention, but its obvious to everyone hes extra soft with you

he thought he was being sneaky when he slowly shifted his usual seat day by day to be closer to you so it wouldnt be obvious (spoiler: it was)

you assured him you were okay with your relationship being public if he was okay with it too

of course he is how can he NOT want you by his side forever

he sees his friends give their gfs their jersey to wear to their games and is like “i so want that” but he’s too shy to ask youu

but it’s written all over his face as you catch him staring intently at the way his friend hands over his spare jersey to his girlfriend when they think no one was looking

so, being the great girlfriend you are, took it upon yourself to ask him for it

which he gave to you a blushing, stuttering mess

the next game, he was worried

where were you? you weren’t usually this late; the game was about to start and he didn’t even get a good luck kiss yet!

he knows it’s probably nothing strange, that you’re just running late, but he can’t help but worry

the whistle blows and he sighs, getting into position, but not before sneaking one last glance at the bleachers

his sky blue eyes found you instantly, and was that-?

you were wearing his jersey, practically swimming in it as you waved your arm excitedly.

he broke into a wide smile, unfortunately hidden by his helmet, and waved back at you, forgetting all about the game for a moment until his friend whacked him upside the head

he buzzed with anticipation, wanting to just hurry and finish so he could run to you and spin you in his arms

you were his driving motive as he scored touchdown after touchdown, never letting the other team bridge the gap in their points

his team wins unsurprisingly, and the first thing he does is throw down his helmet and run to you, tackling you gently

he sweeps you off your feet and kisses you as you spin, giggles muffled by his lips

hes sweaty and sticky but you couldn’t bring yourself to care, the way his smile lights up the world is all that matters

and he knows that you’re his world, and he’d do anything to make you light up

#*ੈ✎ stories #jason grace #jason grace x reader #heroes of olympus #hoo #hoo x reader #heroes of olympus x reader #pjo #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo x reader #percy jackson and the olympians x reader

[shxxtingstarss]

therapy no. 33

Today was actually quite good, after me talking about the chaos in my head and in my life, we looked at my problem with boundaries again.

I started pretty slow and exhausted, and talked about how problematic my situation with F is at the moment (awkward moment: he asked me if I still had sex with him bc I told him so last week, and because we shortly f*cked yesterday, I had to say yes. But at least I didn't have sex with him again even tho I really didn't want to, that happened the week before and I dissociated really badly. I only did that because I was afraid he wouldn't like me anymore / wouldn't spend time with me anymore if I didn't sleep with him bc he proposed the friends with benefits thing). We got to the topic of setting boundaries pretty fast and had a very similar conversation about it as in a session before. But we analysed it a bit more how I have a different standard for boundaries when it comes to me than when looking at other people - in the meta-level I know very well that boundaries are a very personal / individual thing, but when thinking about my boundaries, they just seem wrong and I try to align my boundaries to some kind of "normal" level (which obviously doesn't exist, but to a level that I can observe in many people, trying to find some kind of "standard" bc my boundaries were always called wrong so I sometimes have no idea of where they actually are and instead have to try the boundaries of other ppl to see if it might fit to my boundaries or not).

This lead us to why I think of my boundaries like that and why I am afraid of setting boundaries and am afraid of being humiliated for my boundaries - because of how my boundaries were treated when I was a child and because that is still engraved in my nervous system. The part of being humiliated for my boundaries kinda triggered some memories of when I was still living with my mother and she brutally humiliated me for any boundaries I tried to set. We then also talked about some stuff I remembered because of the book I am still reading, a book about trauma-research, where I read about how perpetrators destroy their victims' autonomy and their whole view of the world basically and make them dependent on the perpetrators, I then realised that some of the things I thought were projection of my mother were more a pretty systemic way of destroying me. Kinda too much to explain it here shortly, maybe I'll make a post about this someday.

Definitely a good therapy session, still pretty depressed but I'm not as suicidal anymore as I was on the weekend, I am currently typing this while sitting at a desk with my gym-crush who invited me to come study with her at a study-room in a building of my uni, but I kinda regret coming here because (almost as if I knew it) there is a reason that I wasn't studying the last few weeks and instead desperately tried to get some kind of distraction from my thoughts - tried learning now and first of all I'm way too tired bc my sleep quality is f*cked at the moment (thank you nightmares), and a few minutes later the bad thoughts started and it's really hard to push them away. I'm listening to music now and I'll try again, but this is kinda self-torturing.

#trauma #trauma therapy #therapy #mental illness #bpd #borderline pd #actually borderline #actually bpd #actually mentally ill

[personasintro]

Hey Mimi .. I wanted you to know that that I love you so much .. like anything from you- update , Tumblr post , tweet Even a reminder that you exist lightens up my day ! I wish I could just smoother you with hugs and kisses like- istg I never knew someone's existence could be so important and endearing until I got to know you and BTS .

I've read a lot of books like since like reading so much .. but I've never come across someone so amazing ! The way you introduce every character in your story is so unique . Love that part . It radiates such real emotions and energy .. you are so unpredictable which is why it's so exciting the way your stories unfold .. I always have this thrill while reading your books ..

I discovered you through Wattpad and then I downloaded Tumblr just to follow you and hear from you more .. The first book I read of you made me so engrossed in your writing that I was willing to read more of your stories .. bcz of which I stumbled upon all your books .. all of them are so unique and interesting .. Away from you , Mutual help , Monachopsis , My tiny secret , Prohibido .. and these days I'm so intrigued by love lockdown .. trust me I never thought I'd like to read books in zombie genre but it's just so great everytime I finish a chapter it leaves me wanting for more ..

Your writing has such a positive effect on me .. it's like an escape from my problems when I'm feeling down .. I never knew until now that an imaginary universe could be my safe place .. but it's great as long as there aren't any regrets right ? P.s. you have no idea how happy joining Tumblr made me .. it was like a lottery to know that you write here too .. I've read your oneshots and drabbles too .. you make me so happy like YOU'RE SO AMAZING WTF

Okay , not to bore by writing too long of a message BTW there's one query I had .. Are you planning on continuing Drunk - jjk anytime soon ? I can understand if it's not on your mind rn since you have so many books to update and life hasn't been being easy on you .. but just know that there are people waiting for that one .. I'd love to know what happens in the story .. how jk gets rid of his addiction .. what caused him to have it in the first place like if it just started spontaneously and became a habit with time or if there's something more to it .. either way , it's your choice if you wanna think about it or just discontinue it .. I just wanna know your thoughts ..

With love from India~

Abby aka Akshita

What did I do to deserve such a lovely person to read my stories???!🥺 wow!! It seems like you've read many of my stories and I'm so thankful! Thank you so much for sending me this much love and writing all of this!💓

About drunk... ahh, I would like to finish it since it's my first ever story on this blog. But as of now, I really have no idea if and when. But it's good to know there are ppl who still love it! Definitely gives me the push maybe I need.

Thank you again, sending you lots of love! xx

#ask #ask: drunk #💜

[fandom-imagination-ss]

Dumbledore’s Secrets review.... thoughts..... It’s a mess

I just watched Fantastic beasts and where to Find them Dumbledore Secrets. I have thoughts,  and I have ALOT of questions. Under this Gif, I shall be Spoiling EVERYTHING I can remember So If you do not Like spoilers Please. Do not read. 

First, what I thought this movie would be about, Credence learning how to use magic. and Getting all angry at Albus and Going after him for abandoning him (which kind of happened) And about the How to Break the Blood Vow thing. Albus and Grindlewald made.

-I Knew about the change of Grindlewald I wasn’t a huge fan of the change, (( I am completely Justice for Johnny But if they had to Change the actor.. a Charming Guy would have been better. I get this guy is supposed to be Evil. But he’s supposed to be also Charming to Woo people into agreeing with him. Mads. Didn’t do it for me. Personal opinion. 

Tina 

I knew Tina wasn’t going to be in it (those I was HOPING For more scenes than just 2!)) I am Hopeful for the next movie. she is Fully Back! it made NO sense she would jump and focus on her career after her Sister Joined the Dark side and basically just ignored it? 

-Credence in general

. With the Actors behavior for almost 2 years now with assault etc. Makes sense that they would kill him off, Just so they wouldn’t have another thing to Deal with like what is happening with Amber Heard (( the petition to Kick her out of Aquaman 2 is Now at 4 million!)) the writers, producers, probably Killed him off Due to that. cause they already Knew they were dealing with Bad Press by firing Johnny. One less hassle. that being said, the way they just had him dying (And Not really Showing him Sick until halfway thru when he fought Dumbledore, and then after that fight, he looked like Death was on his door. could have been better. they should have shown Him Ill and Unwell sooner. and what happened to his BFF Voldy Snake? Wtf happened to her?? the Big secret is that He wasn’t actually a brother of Albus but his Nephew. I won’t lie. that surprised me. 

-Newt and the Creatures

, For a Movie series.. about Fantastic beasts. there aren’t many creatures in this movie. I did enjoy watching ppl recognize him Over his brother, and that scene where the brothers are holding hands was cute. Also, the scene where Newt had his hand on Tina’s waist for a second was cute. Newt seemed more open and Huggy and touchy in this movie. which I will Say I enjoyed! 

-Jacob 

I Loved that he got a wand. Does it make Absolutely ANY sense that a Muggle has a wand? Hell  No. Did I enjoy those? Yes. That Being said. Excuse me! you had Jacob a Muggle. who’s been watching his friends play with magic for years now (or however long it is in the movie) We don’t have a scene of him playing with the wand trying to make things Float, or explode Ect we were ROBBED Of seeing him playing with the wand! For a man who just got unlimited power, he didn’t play with it! it was the most unrealistic thing in the movie!

Queenie 

It took me a solid second to realize she was Even Queenie when she was on the other side. she looked so different. I wished they plaid out More that she was regretting her choices. and that she didn’t turn back too Good till the next movie. But still, seeing her Pining for  Jacob and saving him, etc. it would have made the reunion better for me. 

things that Didn’t make sense in the movie  ((If I’m wrong please correct me!))

they probably mentioned it in the harry potter books But Dumbledore’s sister was an Obscurial... while her brothers were both wizards.. who attended Hogwarts. How is that possible? She knew the existence of power, her parents Knew the existence of magic. and let her brothers go off but ignored her? (( i was reading quickly on a wiki page that she hurt some muggle boys and she just.. felt so ashamed she stopped using magic? if that was the case. wouldn’t her family be like “your gonna die if you don’t use your magic!!” and try to fix the problem? IDK that’s my thoughts 

the magical elections? 

So In the original HP movies, we see that England has their own magical Government, Same thing for FBAWTFT ....we even are introduced to both leaders. But in this movie. it’s one person to rule ALL of the magical worlds? 

wtf is the point of the magical ministry if it is One Ruler to Rule ALL of the magical worlds. Why would England vs America have different Rules (( Like in America you can’t marry a muggle? but in England, you can)) Please explain that to me! Did I miss something? or is that how it goes down? they even showed a German Ministry! 

the blood promise in general they made SUCH a huge deal about this thing last movie. to this movie barely being mentioned? they set it up that we would be trying to Figure out How to break it to just be “Nah can’t break it mate” to Kaboom. with the power of Love, I break the Blood promise?

I’m sorry about the “Voting” If for years you actually voted and all of the sudden you’re going to go back to an old tradition where a creature doe thing picks.. wouldn’t you idk Ask questions? like Why? Speaking of that cute little Creature. 1) Clearly Jacob is Prue of heart and Gold wtf didn’t it bow down to Jacob? 

2) Or Newt cause let’s face it. those boys are Pure Goodness 

3) YOUR TELLIN’ ME! THE MAN WHO RAISED HARRY POTTER JUST TO BUTCHER HIM AT THE RIGHT TIME! who internally was Only invested In harry to have him Killed off at the right time is Prue of Heart? I Love dumbledore but he isn’t “pure of heart” he’s Cunning and Brilliant and he makes sacrifices but Pure of heart? No. Sorry No. I’m not saying he isn’t a great Guy. But no. that man allowed Harry to live in a house where he was mentally, and physically abused and slept under a staircase for years. and Turned his head on it. a person pure of heart would have Snatched Harry out from his Aunts and uncles and given him a good life. a happy life! 

4)In the first movie they mention that No Maj and witches and wizards cannot interact in America that which was against the law, the second one. Queenie and Jacob are in love and Queenie wants to get married. but Jacob is scared they would take her away and refused. that’s why she turns to the dark side? but now they can just get married in Queens? without breaking any law? wtf was that about 

5) the excuse for Tina not being around is awful!. Did she get a promotion? her sister turned evil, and her boyfriend / and friends are fighting the big Bad but let’s stay focused on work? Even theasus was there helping out. Other its the excuse she had Covid throughout the entire movie process (( or was scared idk..)) Or the fact she spoke up against JK Rowling and JK was pissed and cut her almost completely out am annoyed. I’m Sorry I love the series but I watch 70% for the magical creatures 10% for the magical world and 20% because Tina and Newt together are adorable as HELL and I felt cheated out of the corny cheesy scenes with them! 

6) How did Credence Now how to 1) use that spell to write to the dumbledore’s 2) Know about Albus’ brother? 

7) I know they said the girl Albertius (Albus’ brother) was taken away. for some reason.. but ... Did he know about the child? did he just let his baby and love dash off without fighting to get them back? wtf expected better from a dumbledore. 

8) I already mentioned this. Jacob getting a wand. Just..as comic relief and Fun and ect I enjoy him having a wand.. but realistically.. shouldn’t that just be a stick to him? how the Heck can he use magic he’s Not magical. he’s a muggle. No magical being it’s in the definition! lol, I loved seeing him in Hogwarts and interacting with the Kids. and I slightly wished the doe creature bowed to Jacob at the vote. President Jacob! lol 

All in all... this movie... this was a movie. I’ll buy it I have too to complete my collection but honestly... wasn’t this movie delayed due to covid? IDK I expected More. and better I guess... especially with Jacob having a wand. I wanted Newt to try to teach him a simple spell and it just blows up on jacobs face like in the first HP movie when the kids are learning how to use their magic. Miss opportunity! 

My rating 

4/10

#fanastic beats and where too find them #fbawtft #dumbledore secret #Albus Dumbledore #dumbledore albus #young dumbledore #newt scamander #jacob kowalski #jacob x queenie #queenie goldstein #tina goldstein #Credence #credence dumbledore #gindlerwald #harry potter #harry potter movies #spoilers