#I am broke but I don't care to book a flight to see them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tyongxnct · 3 years

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𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑡𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 - 𝑀𝑎𝑟𝑘 𝐿𝑒𝑒

pairing: Mark Lee x reader

special guest: Jaehyun, Johnny, Yuta, Jungwoo, Taeyong, Doyoung, mention of Haechan

summary: Years ago, you were deeply in love with Mark Lee. He’s your first love and you thought he’d be the last. After finding out why he really dated you, he broke up with you and vanished. You were devastated and heartbroken. Now you were at the airport as the maid of honor of your best friend Aera, her wedding’s in Greece and you were flying three days earlier with her, her fiancé Jaehyun and his best man. Little did you know that Mark Lee was Jaehyun’s best man. Feelings you thought you had buried deep inside bloomed again.

song: back to you - Selena Gomez

genre: exes-to-lovers!au, angst, smut, fluff

warnings: smut, alcohol consumption, swearing

word count: 11.7k

A/N: I’m finally done. This is the last fic of my series and I can’t believe that i’m done with this series. This series means so much to me, not only because I love Selena Gomez, but also because of the meaning behind evey story. Thank you for all of your support, thank you for every comment, like, reblog, ask and follow. This is just the beginning. Also thank you for requesting that you want to read a second part to some of my stories, I’ll try to write them in the upcoming month, march. I hope you enjoy. Thanx

taglist: @alex-chann, @aesthetichrj @bvbyxuxi

Took you like a shot Thought that I could chase you with a cold evening Let a couple years water down how I'm feeling about you And every time we talk Every single word builds up to this moment And I gotta convince myself I don't want it even though I do

“I have BIG news!” Aera squealed as soon as you opened the door for her. She hugged you tightly and started jumping, you jumped with her even though you had no idea why.

“Why are we jumping around?”

“Greece! I’m getting married in Greece!” she yelled happily, “You know that it’s my dream to get married in Greece and my amazing soon-to-be-husband surprised me with it! Oh god, I can’t believe I’m marrying Jaehyun in fucking GREECE!”

“Holy shit that’s great! But can we stop jumping I might puke.”

You sat down on your couch with Aera, “We need to start planning, the wedding is in 3 weeks. I’ve sent the invitations right before I came here. We booked a hotel with the best view ever and my wonderful maid of honor aka you are flying with me and Jaehyun a two days earlier, you know, to get stuff done and the others come one day before the wedding, your man too, by the way. I can’t wait for my bachelorette party- but remember, I promised Jaehyun no strippers.” Her eyes sparkled as she talked about her wedding and you started thinking about your own future.

Were you ever going to get married? You want to get married, you really do. But what if you never get the chance to? Your boyfriend hated to talk about commitment and marriage, he said living together and dating was enough, but you never felt the same way. You wanted to get married, you want a ring on your finger, and you wanted to call him your husband, not your boyfriend.

Aera left after a while and you were alone, until you heard the door open with a sigh. “I’m home.”

His voice, no, his existence alone triggered you and without knowing you plugged in your earphones. “I said I’m home Y/n. There she fucking goes again, god I’m not going to deal with you tonight.” And without saying anything after that, he left again. Minho, your boyfriend of two and half years, always left you alone. He never bothered to talk to you about the problems in your relationship and after trying and trying, you were sick of it.

Dating him was almost torture but breaking up with him was also difficult. You were so scared of being alone, of not being loved.

Almost three weeks later, you found yourself at the airport with Jaehyun and Aera. Jaehyun looked at his watch every two minutes and he looked really nervous too. “Where the fuck is he?” he mumbled and Aera kicked his leg. “Ouch?” he hissed in pain. “Sorry baby didn’t mean to kick you that hard.”

“What is going on here? Who are we waiting for?” you asked confused. “You didn’t tell her?” Jaehyun asked his fiancée. Aera shook her head.

“W-Well about that- uhm, there’s one thing I have to tell you, but don’t get too mad,” Aera looked at you nervously, “you, uhm… you remember Mark Lee, right? Please forgive me for not telling you, but- fuck, he’s Jaehyun’s best man. He’s coming with us.” Aera closed her eyes, scared of your reaction.

“You are joking right?” your heart pounded against your chest.

“N-No, I really didn’t know that you didn’t know- a-and you know, Mark’s my oldest friend and yeah, and uhm, fuck he’s coming act natural.” Jaehyun looked at his phone and laughed, even though his screen was dark and Aera laughed with him.

“How the fuck am I supposed to act natural?!” you almost yelled bus as soon as you heard Mark’s little hi, your heart stopped beating.

It’s been almost three years since you heard his voice. Every memory played in your mind like a sad movie, the second he asked you to be his girlfriend to the end of your relationship with him, the moment he broke your heart almost made you cry again, but Aera stepped on your foot and you came back to reality.

“Hi.” You said coldly, his last word replaying in your head over and over again.

Aera and Jaehyun watched you and Mark awkwardly and Mark couldn’t find any words to say, except for, “H-hi.”

“Sooo, now that everyone’s here,” Jaehyun handed you your tickets. “Thanks.” Mark mumbled.

You were about to go on board, you didn’t say a word since Mark came and he was busy talking to Aera and Jaehyun. “Y/n, we’ll see you guys when we land alright?”

“What do you mean?” you asked confused, “We sit together? Right?”

“W-Well about that- we are flying first class, we wanted to spoil ourselves a little- please don’t get angry I’m sorry I am so sorry.” Aera whispered and you felt like you could explode any second like a volcano.

“Y-You mean… you’re telling me I have to sit with him for the next couple hours?! All alone?!” you tried to whisper but it was loud enough for Jaehyun and Mark to hear.

“shh! Just, I don’t know, sleep, or watch a movie or maybe just talk to him like a grown up, please do it for me?” she pouted.

“I’m gonna be wasted when we arrive in Greece.” You couldn’t be angry at her. “As long as you don’t kill him.”

Jaehyun and Aera entered the plane first and left you and Mark alone. “So, how have you been?”

The audacity.

“Good.” You mumbled. How long until you could enter that fucking plane?

“Me too, well, I’d say ok-“

“Look, Mark. I’m doing this for our friends, okay? I’m not interested in your life. I don’t want to talk to you unless it’s about the wedding. Did I make myself clear?” maybe you were mean and bitchy, but after everything he had done to you, you didn’t care.

He just nodded and looked down to his feet.

Half an hour later, you were seated on the plane right next to Mark. It’s not your first time flying, but it was Mark’s first time, and he was fucking scared.

“This is captain Lee Taeyong speaking, I’m your pilot for our flight to Mykonos, Greece. My co-pilot for today is Kim Doyoung. Please enjoy your flight.”

After the announcement and the instructions, you were ready to go.

The plane started moving and you could feel Mark tensing up next to you. His grip on the hand rest tightened and his knuckles turned white.

You tried so hard to ignore him, but you couldn’t. You should laugh at him, take pictures of his suffering- but you held his hand and assured it him that it’ll be over.

Mark looked at you and then back at your hands. Your thumb slowly stroked his hand and he stopped thinking about the plane and he could only think about your hand holding his.

You held his hand until you saw the flight attendant walk around.

Mark thanked you but you ignored him.

“Hello, would you like to have some water or coffee?” the flight attendant asked you and Mark.

“Just a water please.” Mark said.

“Do you have something stronger? Wine? Or champagne?”

“Sure ma’am.”

“Alright I’d like to have some champagne.” You smiled and she nodded.

Mark looked at you, eyes a little wide.

Four glasses later, you were a little tipsy.

“I think you had enough-“ Mark tried to stop you from ordering another glass.

“You don’t know anything about me!” you protested.

“Y/n, get some sleep come on-“

“Mind your own business.” You plugged in your Airpods and ignored him. You didn’t want him to interact with you and If you have to stop drinking for him to shut up, you sadly had to.

You closed your eyes and leaned back. You didn’t notice Mark’s eyes on you, watching your pretty features as your chest raised with every breath you took.

Shortly after, you fell asleep.

You could break my heart in two But when it heals, it beats for you I know it's forward but it's true

Three years ago

“It was a game. I won and now it’s over.” Mark said coldly as he looked away.

“What do you mean a game? And what is over? Mark, babe, I don’t understand.” Maybe you knew, maybe you tried to hide the fact that you saw it coming. Your relationship was too good to be true.

“I told my friends that I could fuck you within a year, and I did. We’ve been dating for ten months. I won. I can’t believe I waited ten months to fuck you.” He said casually.

“What?”

“Are you deaf? I fucked you and I got a lot of cash in exchange. Now we’re over. As simple as that.”

“You’re joking? Right? You love me, Mark. We love each other. It’s not funny.” Your voice broke.

“I’m not fucking joking,” he showed you the money he got, “Now, please get the fuck out of my apartment. Oh, and take your toothbrush with you.”

You were crying and that annoyed him. “Why are you fucking crying?!”

“M-Mark please don’t do this- I love you. I have never loved anyone like I love you. P-Please tell me you’re lying.” You sobbed.

“You know what, I’m leaving. Leave before I come back.”

Mark didn’t want to leave, but watching you cry and sob hurt him, he would never admit that to you but deep down, he felt something for you. Mark thought ending things with you was better than walking on eggshells. It was a matter of time until you would find out. He didn’t want to risk you finding out from someone else. The least he could do was tell you, face to face.

You loved him, you really loved him so much. He was a perfect boyfriend. There was not a single day you doubt him or your relationship. It hurt, you first ever heartbreak and you didn’t know how to handle the pain.

I wanna hold you when I'm not supposed to When I'm lying close to someone else You're stuck in my head and I can't get you out of it If I could do it all again I know I'd go back to you I know I'd go back to you I know I'd go back to you

After your breakup with Mark, you felt your life slowly falling apart. You were barely present in class and you stopped interacting with your friends. You drowned in self-pity and you fell deeper and deeper. Only Aera was there for you. After so many years of friendship, she always got your back.

“Is the pain ever going to stop?” you asked her between sobs.

“Honey, it’ll take a while, but I promise you, it’ll stop.”

Aera and Jaehyun were dating since first year of college and he told you that he had no idea about his oldest friend’s plan. Jaehyun was happy to see his friend happy- because was happy whenever he was with you. You went on double dates and spent so much time together, Jaehyun really thought that you and Mark were going to end up together.

“I swear I didn’t know. His other friends- that Haechan guy and the others were with him. He never told me because he know that we’re friends.”

“It’s okay, Jae. You’re not as childish as they’re. Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.”

And Jaehyun and Aera never left your side until college was over. During your time thinking about life and finishing college, you met Minho, your current boyfriend. You started dating and you thought he’d help you get over Mark, but he only made you feel worse.

He was a fuckboy, he fucked anyone with tits, and even though you knew it, you still agreed to date him.

Multiple fights and breakups followed, and you always end up at Aera’s or Minho would leave for a couple days.

Whenever you were lonely, and it was the case most of time, you thought about Mark. You missed him, his lips, his touches, the way he laughed and his silly jokes. You missed the way he said I love you and how warm and loved you felt with him.

No matter how hard Mark hurt you, you didn’t regret falling in love with him. You’d do it again and again.

We never got it right Playing and replaying old conversations Overthinking every word and I hate it 'Cause it's not me And what's the point in hiding Everybody knows we got unfinished business And I'll regret it if I didn't say this isn't what it could be

Two days until the wedding

Mark shook you softly and tried to wake you up. “Hey, Y/n. We’re here. Wake up.”

“Just a little longer Markie.” You mumbled in your sleep as you held his hand. When you landed, Mark got scared again and just held your hand without asking you. You were asleep after all.

Mark’s heart was about to explode. He blushed at the nickname. You used to call him Markie every time you were sleepy or acting like a baby to get his attention.

And every fucking time he fell for it and his heart softened. “Okay baby.” This time Mark stroked your hand with his thumb.

About three minutes later, the flight attendant came to wake her. “Sir, ma’am. You need to leave the plane. We landed almost ten minutes ago.”

You slowly woke up and stretched your arms. “What? Oh, sorry.” You stood up, a little too fast. Everything was spinning, Mark held your waist and you fell on his lap.

“Are you sure we landed? Everything’s spinning around.” You held your head, not noticing that you were on Mark’s lap. “Y/n, uhm, could you stand up? But do it slowly this time!” he still held your waist. “What? Oh, shit, sorry.” You stood up, a little slower this time.

“Y/n! Mark! What took you so long? What the hell?” Aera looked strictly but as she saw Mark’s arm around your waist she softened. “S-she’s a little tipsy.” Mark said, cheeks red.

“Of course, she is.”

“Am not! Oh my god, the weather is so good!” your eyes were slightly open but as soon as you saw the sea and the beautiful architecture your smiled brightly. You pushed Mark’s arm off and started unbuttoning your shirt.

Mark’s eyes widened, and Jaehyun turned around, he didn’t want to watch you take off your clothes. Aera’s mouth fell open and Mark kept on watching you. Your tank top under your shirt rose a little and Mark’s eyes travelled to your soft skin. You put your shirt in your handbag and took out your sunglasses.

Mark’s eyes never left your body, his eyes going up to your breasts. He needs to get away from you or he’ll lose his mind.

“You can turn back baby, she’s wearing something underneath.”

“J-Jaehyun maybe we should… you know.” Mark locked eyes with Jaehyun.

“What you mean Mark?” Jaehyun asked cluelessly.

“A car, you know, for the hotel.”

“Oh yeah right. Ladies, don’t move away, we’ll go rent a car.” Jaehyun kissed Aera and then they left.

“I’m going to kill him.” You breathed out after Mark left. “You won’t.” Aera posed next to you as you took selfies together. “I will. I hate him. He acts like nothing happened, like, like he never broke my heart. As if we’re old friends or shit like that.”

“He acts totally shy around you. I think you intimidate him. Did you see how he watched you when you took off your shirt? That idiot was and is so into you.” Aera always thought that Mark loved you, no matter what he did. You don’t date someone for months just for 50 bucks. “He’s a man. As soon as they see tits, they’re on their knees.” You laughed.

“Well, maybe you should let him kneel for you a little longer. I guess he’s into that.” She giggled.

“I can’t believe that you just said that.” You closed your eyes. “Well, Jaehyun’s into that.”

“Jaehyun’s into what?” Jaehyun asked as he heard his name. “Into me of course.”

“That’s why I’m marrying you.” He pulled her in for a kiss- a very steamy and hot kiss. “Hello? Keep it PG-13 please.” You looked at them with disgust in your eyes. Mark awkwardly coughed next to you. “The car is ready.”

You were in the backseat with Mark, he was a little close for your liking. “Your leg is touching mine.” You said. “And?” he asked.

“I don’t like it.”

“Sounds like a you problem.” He said back. “Excuse me?” you said in disbelief.

Jaehyun and Aera locked eyes for a second.

Aera turned the radio louder and it was your song.

“Y/n! Isn’t that your favorite song?!” she yelled through the music. Mark glanced at you. He remembered the song. You had your first kiss with Mark, and that song was playing in the background. You were in his car, just like right now, in the backseat.

“No. It’s not.” You said as you looked out.

“What? But it’s in your Spotify playlist. What was it called? Fav songs? Best songs? His songs? My songs?” she kept on asking and you couldn’t take it anymore. “’Our songs’ but I deleted that because that playlist was stupid. Now, please. Change that songs.”

Mark smiled to himself. You still had the playlist called our songs? Mark and you created that playlist when you were dating and you always listened to it, over thousand times and it never got boring.

“Fine.” She sighed. “No! Don’t change that song. I-it is my favorite song.” Mark said and you looked at him with furrowed brows.

“Okay.”

“Change it.” You demanded.

“Don’t.” Mark was looking at you too. “Aera, change the song.” You said through gritted teeth.

“Aera I’ll jump out of the car If you change it.” Mark threatened.

“He won, Y/n, sorry. He threatened with his life.”

You didn’t say anything because the song changed. You looked back to your phone, ignoring Mark.

“We’re here.” Jaehyun parked the car and you mouth fell open. The hotel looked stunning. “Holy shit. This place is fucking gorgeous.” Aera said happily. “Only the best for my fiancée.” Jaehyun was fucking cheesy but Aera loved it.

The hotel was not exactly like a hotel. It was more like little white house’s next to each other with a pool and a perfect view. The house was bigger than you thought, many guest rooms, a big room for the couple and a very big room for you and Mark, at the end of the hallway, far away from Jaehyun and Aera’s room.

“If you excuse us for a while, we have things to discuss in our room,” Jaehyun said as he winked at Aera. “But we’ll get dinner together. Don’t go too far, stay in your rooms or go swimming we don’t really care just leave us alone for an hour-“ Aera kicked his leg again. “or three.”

After unpacking your stuff, you decided to go to the pool. You changed to your black two-piece swimsuit and left your room and at the same time Mark opened his door and left his room. He was in his swim trunks and he stopped his movements as soon as he saw you leaving your room.

Mark tried to hide his gaze on your body, but he was quite obvious. “Stop staring.”

“I-I’m not staring.” He looked away.

“Sure.” You made your way outside, to the pool. It was extremely hot, you put your towel on the beach chair next to the pool and sat down, ready to put on some sunscreen. Mark entered the porch and looked at you. You put sunscreen on your legs and didn’t break the eye contact.

You wanted to tease him, provoke him so you put on a show. You slowly pulled the straps of your swimsuit down and slowly put the sunscreen on your neck and shoulders until you reached the upper part of your breasts. You didn’t need to look at Mark, you felt his eyes on your as he put his stuff down next to you.

“Mark?”

“Y-Yes?” he stuttered, his focus on your breasts.

“Could you help me? I can’t reach my back.” You said innocently.

Mark gulped, “Y-yeah I can, uhm, I can do that for you.”

Mark wasn’t the only one watching. You watched him too. You watched him take off his shirt and you couldn’t look away. He looked hot, hotter than before. Did he start working out? He caught you watching him and smirked at you. You threw the sunscreen to him and turned around. You untied the bikini bra but held it against your breasts.

He squeezed a little on his hand and slowly put it on your lower back, slowly massaging it into your skin. You didn’t know If his hands were cold or If the sunscreen was cold, but after he touched you, your entire body shivered. You got goosebumps, you even felt your nipples harden.

“Yes Mark, just like that.” You teased him again.

“Feels good?”

“Mhm…” you moaned.

His face was close to yours, you could feel his breathe against your neck. His hands slowly travelled down, slightly about your ass. “Hands up, Mark.” You pushed his hands up again, you wouldn’t let him touch your ass.

You leaned back, your head was resting on Mark’s shoulder. You were sitting between his legs and you grabbed his thigh after he put a little bit pressure on your back. You weren’t going to lie- it really felt good. Your muscles relaxed, you closed your eyes and just let him touch you.

“You want me to go harder?” he whispered in your ear. “Yes, please go harder on me.” And he did. You squeezed his thigh, your hand travelled higher and higher, “Fuck.” He mumbled under his breath and when you stopped, you moved forwards. “That’s enough.”

You tied your bikini bra back up and turned to him. He quickly tried to hide his bulge with a towel. “Are you perhaps turned-on Mark?” you mocked him.

“Your nipples are hard. I guess you are turned-on.”

He was right. You were turned on and your nipples were hard. “No, I’m not. Why would that turn me on? My nipples are hard b-because it’s cold. And stop looking you pervert!” you crossed your arms in front of you and made your way to the pool.

“Cold my ass.” He mumbled.

You slowly entered the pool, step by step. The temperature was good, you hoped your nipples would calm down. You watched Mark enter the pool, he was on the other side looking at you.

“This is my side and that is yours. Stay on your side and don’t bother me.” You told him strictly. Mark nodded and watched you. You just stared at each other and then Mark dove into the water. He swam towards you and when he got out, he was right in front of you, face, and hair wet. Chest rising and falling, eyes on you. Mark was really close, like, really close. You could feel the bulge against your thigh.

“What are you doing?” you asked.

“Swimming.” He caged you in his arms and pushed your body softly against the wall. He looked at you and the beautiful view of Greece and the ocean he had.

“Swim on your side of the pool.” He was annoying you so much.

“I have a better view from here.” Mark said as he looked you in the eyes. “Fine, you can stay here-“

“Don’t go.” He whispered. “Why? I’m blocking your view.”

“You are the view.”

You didn’t say anything back- you couldn’t. Your heart was beating against your chest, breathing got difficult and you couldn’t calm down. He was so close, you were about to lose your mind.

Mark wasn’t doing any better. You looked ethereal. You looked as beautiful as the first time he had met you. You were even prettier and the way you were so cold to him was kind of hot. Mark thought that his feelings for you died but seeing you after such a long time only made him realize, that his feelings for you got even stronger.

He always asked Jaehyun about you, but Jaehyun punched him and told him to fuck off because he had hurt his girlfriends’ best friend and his own friend, too. In Jaehyun’s eyes, Mark was a great friend, and he would trust him with his life, but after what he had done to you, Mark lost the right to know about your life. Still, Mark tried to find out If you were feeling any better after the breakup. If you were happy without him in your life, but he always failed and reaching out to you would be the worst thing he could do to you.

Mark’s hands were on your waist. He pushed his body against yours and he knew how nervous you were, but two can play this game.

Your hand was on his toned stomach, caressing it softly and then going down. You never broke eye contact and when your hand landed on his crotch, softly squeezing his bulge, he let out a moan. You were bold, you kept on playing with his bulge and Mark’s lips were attacking your neck. He placed soft kisses and started sucking.

“Fuck, Y/n. It feels so good. Please don’t stop.” He moaned as he squeezed your waist slightly. Before you could realize what exactly was happening, your phone rang.

“Ignore it.” Mark mumbled, his lips leaving your skin for a second.

“Mark- no.”

“Please… I’m so close.” He kissed your neck up to your jaw. You wanted to keep doing whatever the fuck you were doing with fucking Mark Lee, but your phone never stopped ringing. “You’re close?”

“Yes baby, so close.”

And you stopped your hand movements immediately. “W-What no please-“ he begged but you pushed him away. “You’re a big boy, right? You don’t need me.” You stepped out of the pool and wrapped the towel around yourself. Mark was painfully hard, and he was about to cum.

You took your phone and looked at the messages you just got. Minho texted you and you realized that you just gave Mark a handjob, even though he didn’t cum, and you totally forgot about Minho’s existence. Not that Minho always had you on his mind.

“You have got to be kidding me.” You said.

Mark looked at you curiously.

You called Minho immediately, not caring If you lost so much money since you called someone abroad.

“What the fuck does that mean?!” you asked angrily.

“I’m busy- I can’t attend the wedding.”

“Busy my ass, fuck you. This is my best friend’s wedding, the least you could do is to come to the wedding and stay next to your fucking girlfriend.” You were so angry, you didn’t care about anything.

Mark didn’t want to listen to your private conversation- and he had to jerk off- but after hearing the word girlfriend, he stopped in his tracks and listened.

“I have so much work and it’s just a wedding- I’ll make it up to you.” Minho said but you were distracted by the voices and music. “A-Are you at the club? You promised you’d never do that again?!”

“I’m with some colleagues-“ he lied.

“It’s fine. I don’t have time for this right now.” You hung up without listening to him any further. You were exhausted, so fucking exhausted. You turned to your left and saw Mark watching you. “Who was that?” he asked.

“None of your business.” You were cold to him again. Mark was about to say something, but you left without giving him the chance.

The only thing on your mind right now was Mark’s lips on your body. You took a hot shower and changed into a pretty sundress, perfect for the hot weather.

Mark was under the shower, after he jerked off, you still didn’t leave his mind. All he could think about was you and the person to whom you were talking.

After an hour, Aera told you to get ready- you were all going out for dinner. You all got ready and left the house. You were in the backseat with Mark again, not exchanging a word with the three, you were in your own world.

When you felt Mark’s hand on your thigh you turned your head to him. “Huh?”

“Burgers? What do you say?” he asked softly and pulled his hand back. “Sure.” You just wanted to drink, you didn’t care about food.

Jaehyun parked next to a restaurant and when you entered, you were all shocked. It was a beautiful restaurant with a terrace and a pretty view. Aera was next to you, Jaehyun across from her and Mark right across from you.

It felt like back then when you were going on actual double dates. “I think I have a déjà vu?” Jaehyun laughed awkwardly. “Ouch!” Mark yelped. “Sorry Mark, I wanted to kick Jaehyun.” Aera said. “Why would you want to kick me?” he asked his girlfriend. “Babe, shut up.” It was so awkward.

Mark looked at you, he knew exactly what Jaehyun was talking about. “Do you guys remember when the waiter pushed Jaehyun’s head into the cake?” Mark laughed at the memory the four of your shared. You didn’t say anything, but the others laughed. “Oh my god that was hilarious. He tasted so delicious.” Aera winked at him. “Okay, well, uhm, I wasn’t talking about that.” Mark scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

“My baby likes it when her fiancée tastes like strawberries.” Jaehyun smirked at Aera.

“This is absolutely not something we want to hear, Jesus.” Mark said disgusted.

After finishing dinner, you walked on the beach together. “Hey, babe, what’s on your mind?” Aera pulled you back to talk to you. She knew something was up.

“I just- Minho isn’t coming and I’m not sad about it. Why am I not sad about it?” you asked her. “Thanks god- I mean, I think your brain started working finally. Do you even see a future with him?” she asked you. “No, I don’t b-but I’ll never have future with anyone- I guess I’m just not worth-“

“If you dare to finish that sentence, I’ll push you into the water.” Aera threatened you. “Listen, I know when you are happy, and there was not a single time you were happy in that relationship, not like you were with that dumbass-“ she pointed at Mark, “The last time I saw you truly happy was with him, and I’m not saying go get Mark, I’m saying that Minho isn’t worth it. You are too good for him and there’s someone who loves you so much and who deserved your love and attention. Not that looser.”

And your eyes never left Mark’s back.

Something inside you switched, you don’t need a man next to you to be happy, well definitely not a man like Minho- he wasn’t even a man. After all the tears and fights you finally opened your eyes, and you knew that you deserve better.

“Fuck this shit I’m breaking up with that piece of shit.” And you really did. Aera held your hand as you dialed his number and called him.

“Y/n? It’s fucking 4 am.” Minho said. “Babe-“ you heard in the background, but you didn’t fucking care.

“You know what, I don’t even fucking care. Do whatever you want- thanks god you aren’t coming. I don’t have to make memories with an asshole like you. Go back to your slut. I’ll get my stuff when I’m back. I’m done with you” And you hung up.

You felt better than ever before.

You didn’t feel like crying- you were happy, you wanted to make great memories with your best friend and after so many years, you finally broke up with Minho. You felt free and when you looked to your left, to the stunning view you had, you just smiled.

“I’m so proud of you. You know, there are a couple single friends of Jaehyun coming to the wedding, maybe you’ll get some dick.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “Jaehyun’s friends? Are we really sure about that?” you joked, looking at Mark again.

“You are right.”

Meanwhile, Mark and Jaehyun were talking about you.

“Dude, she was talking about someone not attending the wedding and like, she said girlfriend or something, I don’t know- is she… is Y/n dating someone?” Mark asked, he was scared of the answer. He had hope to get you back, but when you were someone else’s, he couldn’t do anything.

“Yeah, Minho. Such a piece of shit, like, he’s worse than you-“

“Hey!”

“Sorry, but like, what you did was an asshole move but he’s like constantly an asshole, I think that’s worse than being a dick just once. He cheats and yells and is so fucking disrespectful, if it weren’t for Y/n I’d kill him and I can’t believe that he’s coming to my wedding, god.”

Mark was shocked, you’re really dating someone like him?

“Why isn’t she leaving him?” he asked Jaehyun. “I don’t really know, they started dating right after you left, maybe she tried to move on with him.”

Mark knew he had hurt you really bad, but you tried to move on that soon? Why did you touch him like that when you have a boyfriend? Why did you let him kiss your neck and be so close?

“Let’s go to the club!” you yelled happily, and Mark turned to you. “Club?” he asked.

“Yes, the fucking club, I want to get wasted!” you sang happily.

And the next stop was a club. After a couple shots (Jaehyun didn’t drink anything except for water, he’s the driver), you and Aera danced on the dancefloor happily together. You felt so alive and excited, you jumped around and Mark couldn’t keep his eyes away from you.

The way your dress slightly rose and exposed your beautiful legs. He hoped nobody else was looking at you like he did.

“You’re staring.” Jaehyun said.

“Am not.”

“You’re so fucking obvious, it physically hurts me to see you like this.” Jaehyun patted Mark’s back.

“Do you think she still hates me?” Mark asked. “Well, I would.”

“That’s not helpful.” Mark gulped down another shot. “Alright, I’m sorry. She’s like, pissed, but I don’t think she hates you.”

“Baby! Dance with me!” Aera pulled Jaehyun to the dance floor and he didn’t resist. He had to show everyone that Aera was his girl, his fiancée. Dancing slowly turned into a make out session and not even five minutes later, they left the dancefloor and entered the restroom.

After dancing for so long, you returned back to your table. “What are you doing here all alone?” you asked Mark.

“Drinking.” He drank shot after shot. “Share with me.” You sat down next to him, really close. Your thighs touching and his gaze on your legs made you smirk.

“Let’s play a game. We’ll ask questions and If we don’t want to answer, we take a shot. Okay?”

You nodded, that could get really interesting. You ordered a whole vodka bottle and started the game.

“Ladies first.”

“What a gentleman. Well, okay, I got a question. Did you get to cum today?” you asked boldly. “I did.” He smirked at you.

“Okay, uhm, were you turned on?”

You took a shot, yes you were so turned on, but you wouldn’t say that out loud.

Mark looked you in the eyes, “Do I look hot?”

“So fucking hot.” Mark said without thinking.

“Do you want me to touch you?” he asked now, you took a shot, which was a pretty obvious answer to him. He put his hand on your thigh. He squeezed slightly. “I never said yes.” You said. “You also never said no. Do you want me to stop touching you?”

“It’s not your turn.” Which meant that you didn’t want him to stop touching you.

After a couple shots, Mark finally asked you the question he was dying to ask.

“Did you miss me?” his face was serious, and he looked you the deep in the eyes. Whenever Mark asked you a question to which you couldn’t say no, you took a shot, just like you did at this question. Mark knew that you had missed him.

“I missed you. So much.” He came closer, nose brushing yours. Mark pressed his lips on the corner of your lips. He slightly pulled back and you looked at you, you weren’t stopping him, so he continued.

The next kiss landed on the tip of your nose and then on the other corner of your lips. Mark squeezed your thigh with a little bit more pressure as he finally placed his lips on yours. Mark kissed you slowly and without realizing it, you kissed him back. You shut your eyes and let him kiss you. He kissed you with so much passion, so much longing and you cupped his cheeks to pull him closer.

His right hand held you by your waist and squeezed it, you gasped, and he put his hot muscle in your mouth. His tongue was playing with yours, he sucked on your lower lip and you could feel yourself getting wetter with every touch and every kiss. You forgot that you were in public, everyone could watch your heavy make-out session with Mark.

“M-Mark-“ you moaned.

“Mhmm…” he didn’t want to stop-

“Mark- there are people around -fuck- us-“ when he started kissing your neck, you lost it.

“Don’t care.” And he kept kissing your skin. “I can’t get enough of you.” He smirked as he left a mark on your skin.

You opened your eyes and saw Jaehyun and Aera coming. You pushed Mark away and acted like you didn’t just have the best kiss of your life.

“We’re done,” Aera giggled, “We should go back, it’s late and we should get sober until tomorrow night. I want to remember my bachelorette party.”

You just nodded, grabbed your purse, and left the club with the others coming after you.

The car ride was awkward. Mark wanted to hold your hand, but you tried to leave as much space as possible between you. Your head was spinning, you wanted him but the voice in your head told you to back off.

Mark was silent the whole ride back and after you left, he could finally breath again.

“The others are coming tomorrow, I trust my best man to take care of them.” Jaehyun and Mark talked on the way back to the house and you tried to ignore the fact that Mark was really walking right next to you.

“Of course, dude. You’re bachelor party is going to be crazy, by the way.” Mark planed something big for Jaehyun.

“No strippers.” Jaehyun warned.

“No strippers for you.” Mark teased even though he was suddenly not interested in seeing women, except for you. You were on his mind and you just didn’t want to leave.

That kind of hurt you.

You accidently locked eyes with Mark, and he wanted to punch himself. “I- I mean I don’t want them either- you know? I swear I didn’t book any strippers.” Mark tried to save himself, but you just rolled your eyes.

“We’re going to have strippers though, Aera.”

“What? Aera, babe, I thought we said no strippers.” Jaehyun pouted.

“I told her! Y/n No strippers!” Aera panicked.

“No strippers for you.” You mocked Mark and he glared at you.

“No strippers and that’s final.” Jaehyun said strictly like a dad, pointing his finger at me.

“I was just joking- don’t worry. No strippers. Promise.”

You could break my heart in two But when it heals, it beats for you I know it's forward but it's true

The next day was hectic. Family members and friends finally arrived and you, as the maid of honor, tried your best to be there for them and for Aera. Mark on the other hand just hung out with Jaehyun. The wedding is tomorrow and the bachelor parties are tonight. Aera was a little stressed, even with your help. She was talking with the catering company and you could see how exhausted she was.

“Aera, go take a long relaxing bath, I got this. I have your list and all of the information. Let me manage this, you need to relax and enjoy this. I don’t want you to stress.” You told her.

“You’re right, I trust you with this.”

You did everything you had to do. You were done with the check list and when you were about to go to your room to take a quick nap, a voice interrupted you.

“So, Y/n. Did you get hotter? Or is it just the weather in Greece?”

You turned around and faced Johnny Suh. A close friend of Jaehyun and he was always flirting with you, even when you dated Mark, but it was harmless. He was always nice and kind and you flirted back, just for fun of course and well, you liked making Mark jealous.

“Oh look at you! Long time no see.” You hugged him and the other boys trailing after him. Mark leading the boys and watching you and Johnny flirt right in front of him.

You hugged the others, and they didn’t know how to act, since Mark was glaring at them, which you didn’t notice.

“So Y/n, do you need any help?” Johnny said, winking at you.

“I’m actually done with everything, I was about to take a nap.”

“A nap? Come on, we’re in Greece. Let’s go to the beach.” Johnny suggested and everyone agreed with him, even Mark.

You thought about it for a second. Going to beach sound perfect, who knows If you ever come to Greece again.

“Alright, I’ll go get my stuff and change.”

You changed to your bikini and a sundress. You packed your back, a couple towels, sunscreen, and your sunglasses. The boys were already waiting for you. Jungwoo, Mark, Johnny and Yuta were the only ones who wanted to go to the beach. Jaehyun was napping and the others wanted to go to the city.

You were sitting between Jungwoo and Mark. Johnny was driving and Yuta took the passenger seat. You pressed your legs together, you didn’t want to touch Mark’s legs. After everything that happened last night, you were scared and you didn’t know what to do. Mark wasn’t doing any better. It was so awkward and if he could, he would kiss you again.

Not even 15 minutes later, you arrived at the beach and it was such a beautiful view.

“Wow, it’s so beautiful.” You said with wide eyes.

“Not as beautiful as you are.” Johnny flirted and you softly hit him on the shoulder, “Shut up.”

Mark tried to ignore Johnny’s flirty behavior, but it was so hard, even back when you and Mark were still dating, he hated it whenever Johnny flirted like that with you. He didn’t even know why, he shouldn’t have cared, he was only dating you for the money, right? But now it was different. Now he cared even more, he wanted you and it drove him crazy that you ignored him all day.

When you settled down right in front of the beach, Yuta and Jungwoo dropped everything and ran straight into the water.

“They didn’t put any sunscreen on.” Johnny mumbled, “Can you help me put some on Y/n?” he asked you.

“Sure.”

Once again, Mark wanted to punch his friend.

The way you put sunscreen on Johnny’s back was quick, you wanted to annoy Mark, you didn’t want him to think that you were really interested in Johnny. Johnny thanked you and asked you if you need help too and when you nodded, Mark remembered when he put sunscreen on your back yesterday.

Mark smirked at the memory, you’re so beautiful and your moans were so pretty and-

Mark’s thoughts were interrupted by you.

“Johnny, you are so strong, it feels so good.”

How could you say that, Mark thought.

“Y/n are you still with that piece of shit?” Johnny asked you as he massaged your back. “No I broke up with him.”

“So you’re single right?”

“Fuck- Yes, single.” You closed your eyes and enjoyed the massage you were getting.

“Hyung, I think Yuta is calling your name.” Mark interrupted.

“I can’t hear anything?” you mumbled.

“For real, he called your name just a second ago, maybe you should go look after him.”

Johnny’s plan worked. Johnny could hear the jealousy in Mark’s voice. Johnny wasn’t really interested in you, yeah you were pretty and you have a great personality, but you were still Mark’s ex-girlfriend and Johnny knew that Mark still liked you, even though he never admitted that.

“Alright, maybe Mark can continue?” Johnny asked you.

“I don’t know… Mark’s not as strong as you are.” You teased.

“I am strong, did you forget about yesterday-“

“Okayyyy.” Johnny laughed awkwardly and left you two.

Mark placed his hands on your back, he softly massaged you. You were laying on your stomach and Mark slowly untangled your bikini straps.

“How is this?” he asked you as he put a little pressure on your back.

“G-Good, so good.”

“You like making me jealous huh?” his hand travelled down but he stopped right before your butt.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You said innocently even though you knew exactly what he was talking about.

“Oh baby, you do. You know what I’m talking about,” he put a little bit of pressure on your neck, “I really want to spank you for behaving like a brat.”

“Do it.”

“Don’t play with me.” Mark bend forward and pressed his lips on your bare shoulder. He left wet kisses on your skin and you closed your eyes and let him.

You missed him. You missed Mark so much. You wanted him and he wanted you, but there was still something holding you back.

You got interrupted by the ringing of your phone.

Mark pulled back and when you tried to stand up to reach for your phone, you forgot that your bikini was loose.

“Oh shit-“ you laid back and Mark giggled. He tied your straps back together and you finally answered your phone.

“Hi Aera, yeah we’re at the beach. Everything is done, don’t worry I took care of everything. Yeah be ready at 9 I’m not telling you what I’ve planned. The dress code is red and short. No Jaehyun won’t get jealous because he won’t get to see you until the wedding. Oh, I’m- I’m with Mark right now- would you shut up we’re not-“ you glanced at Mark who was already looking at you, “I’m hanging up now.”

Aera teased you with Mark, she asked you why you were alone with him and if you were doing dirty things with him.

“I’m going to the boys, are you coming?” you asked him softly.

Mark just nodded and trailed after you.

After your fun beach day, you got ready for the bachelorette party. Aera’s three other friends were also coming and knew about your plan. You booked a limousine and a VIP place in a club, it wasn’t much, but Aera liked it the traditional way.

After changing to a short red dress with thin straps, you put on makeup and you were ready to go. The others were also ready and Aera tried to hide herself.

“Jaehyun can’t see me like this- he’d rip this dress off me, then he would fuck me and then he would burn it.”

“Calm down, Johnny told me that they already left.” You assured her.

“Fine. Fuck I look so hot.” Aera opened her front camera once again and looked at herself.

“Yes you do and now let’s get wasted!!” one of her other friends said.

Driving in a limousine was fun, Aera popped the champagne bottle carefully and after driving around the city for 3 hours and having fun in the limousine, you arrived at the club.

You entered the VIP lounge and the night started perfectly. Everyone was having fun, dancing, and drinking.

Aera secretly texted Jaehyun that she missed him and loved him. She also left for about five minutes just to talk to him in the restroom.

“Where the hell were you?” you asked her.

“I was talking to Jaehyun I’m sorry I’ll turn my phone off now.”

And she did, of course after she texted Jaehyun that she was turning her phone off, she didn’t want him to worry and also have fun.

After that, Aera drank and danced like there was no tomorrow.

You were also having the time of your life, it’s been so long since you danced freely in a club. No, it’s been so long since you had fun at all. When you were with Minho, you never had any fun. It was always about him, his pleasure, his feelings, everything about him. All you could think about was Mark when you were with Minho. No matter how much Mark hurt you, when he was your boyfriend, he was always perfect. He valued you more than Minho ever did. You shouldn’t be thinking about Mark when you were lying next to someone else, but you couldn’t help it.

“Y/n?”

You turned around and your eyes met Mark’s.

“M-Mark? Are you real? Or am I dreaming?” you giggled, you were tipsy.

“I’m real,” he stroked your cheek, “This island is so small, we ended up at the same club.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck and he put his hands on your waist. “I was thinking about you the whole day.” you admitted, you were drunk and drunk you always said the truth.

“Me too. Couldn’t get you out of my head.”

“Are you drunk?” you asked.

“No, but I’m still telling you the truth. I missed you.”

“I miss-“

“Y/n! Jaehyun is here and he can’t see Aera, it’s almost midnight! It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding!” Aera’s friend giggled, “and she’s so fucking drunk and I’m so drunk too,” she giggled again.

You sobered up quickly, thanks god you didn’t drink much, there has to be someone sober enough to take care of everyone and you could never forgive yourself if anything happens before the wedding.

“I’ll take her back to the hotel, you guys can stay and have more fun.” You told her and she thanked you and told you to call if anything happens.

Mark followed you, he helped you carry Aera to the taxi.

“I’ll come with you.” Mark said.

“Don’t worry about us. I can take care of us, go have fun with the boys.” You smiled softly.

“No I want to be with you- I mean, I was bored anyway, and tomorrow is the big day, I should have some… sleep.” He scratched the back of his head nervously.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

When you arrived at the hotel, Mark helped you carry Aera to your room. She was going to stay with you for tonight, Jaehyun shouldn’t see her before the wedding.

“Sleep tight, tomorrow is going to be your big day.” you said as you tugged her in.

You turned to Mark with a small smile on your face, “Thank you. For helping me with her.”

“Of course. Uhm, do you, only if you want to of course, do you want to drink something with me? In m-my room if that’s okay for you. I mean it’s still early and I’m not really sleepy, you know.” Mark rambled.

“Yeah, sure.” You said shyly.

Mark opened the door and you entered his room. His room was clean and had a perfect view. Even at night, the view was beautiful. The lights in the dark, the moon shining brightly, it looked mesmerizing.

You stood in front of his window and Mark watched you with a smile on his lips to you, the view was everything but to Mark, you were everything. You looked absolutely beautiful to him.

Mark took a couple steps and was now right behind you. He wrapped his arms around you and put his head on your shoulder. You intertwined your fingers with his and pulled him closer to you.

“It’s beautiful.”

“You are beautiful.” He whispered softly against your ear.

You turned around, his arms still around you and his face so close to yours.

“I couldn’t tell you this in the club so I’m going to say it now,” you whispered against his lips, “I missed you too, Mark. I missed you so much.”

And without thinking twice, you both leaned in and kissed.

You closed your eyes immediately and you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him even closer, he did the same, he pulled you closer by your waist and pressed you against the window.

He kissed you gently and slowly, your heart pounded against your chest and Mark’s heart was racing, too. As if time stopped right there, as if they were never apart. Mark’s right hand was on your jaw, softly pushing your head up to get better access to your mouth, you let out a soft moan, Mark used the opportunity to meet your tongue.

The kiss was perfect, slow but still so passionate.

Mark pulled back, you were breathing heavily and heat rose from your stomach to your chest, a feeling you couldn’t really describe.

He left wet kisses on your cheek, down to your jaw and then your neck. You tilt your head back, Mark sucked on your soft skin as your hands tangled in his hair, lightly pulling.

You could feel yourself getting wetter and wetter, you just wanted to take off this dress and let Mark fuck you.

“D-Do you want this?” he asked you.

“Yes-“ you whimpered as he sucked on your sensitive spot.

Mark pulled you to his bed, with you on top of him straddling his lap. Your lips connected again, you tried to unbutton his shirt as he grabbed your butt softly and squeezed it.

You almost ripped his shirt, but you didn’t care.

It was your turn to press your lips on his neck.

Mark closed his eyes, the way his crotch met you when you pressed yourself against him, the way your lips kissed his soft skin, leaving pretty marks on Mark.

Mark couldn’t take it anymore. His pants were so tight, it almost hurt. He wanted to feel you, he needed to feel you. Mark changed positions, he was on top of you now.

“Take this off- please, fuck, take this off now.” He looked for the zipper of your dress and when he finally found it, he wanted to cry.

He took off your dress, and fuck, he was going crazy. You weren’t wearing a bra, only your black panties.

“Fuck, you’re so perfect.”

The way Mark looked at you made you feel so beautiful. You weren’t shy like you used to be, you felt good and you wanted him so bad.

You pulled him up for a short kiss.

Mark took off his pants as fast as he could and he was painfully hard. He couldn’t wait to be inside of you. His lips were on your nipple, he sucked on your breast and his hand was playing with the other one. After sucking on your one nipple, his attention was on the other one. “Mark- fuck, it feels so good. Please don’t stop.” You moaned.

You were so wet and feeling Mark’s cock against your thigh turned you so on.

While playing with your nipples, his one hand found your pussy. He stroked it over your panties, but then his hand travelled in your panties and he started playing with your wet pussy.

“Baby you are so wet. All for me?”

“Yes, yes. So wet for you, Mark.” You closed your eyes tightly. It felt so good to feel his hands on you again.

Even thought Mark wanted to taste you, he couldn’t take it anymore, he needed to be in you now.

“You can take me, right baby? I need to fuck you.”

“Please fuck me Mark.” You also couldn’t take it anymore, you needed to cum.

Mark took off his boxers and hovered above you. “F-Fuck I don’t have a condom.”

“You don’t have a condom? Why?” you asked him.

“Well, I didn’t think that I was going to fuck you here.”

“What if you’d met someone else here?” you asked curiously.

“I’m not interested in someone else. I want you- I always wanted you.” He admitted shyly.

You looked each other in the eyes for a couple seconds, he leaned in and pecked your lips. He pulled back and looked at you again.

“You can fuck me without a condom. I’m on the pill and I haven’t had sex in months,” You can’t even remember the last time Minho fucked you. “And I never fucked without a condom after I had sex with you.”

“Me too. I mean after… after you I haven’t fucked raw.”

“Okay.” You said softly.

“Okay.” He leaned in and pressed his lips on yours.

While kissing you, he slowly pushed his cock in you. You grabbed his biceps tightly, he stretched you, you haven’t been fucked in so long, you got even tighter.

Mark pulled back and looked at you. “You feel so good around me. So, so fucking good. I missed you so much.” With that, Mark pushed his entire length inside of you.

“Fuck-“

He was fucking into you, slowly but hard. You could feel his entire length and he always hit your sweet spot. “Right there- Mark, fuck.”

“I-I want to ride you. Mark, fuck.” You moaned.

Mark turned you, you were now on top of him.

You bounced on his cock up and down, his hands on your waist pushed you down and he thrusted his hips to fuck into you. Your hands were on his shoulder, holding him. Even though you wanted to ride him, he was fucking you hard and good.

“M-Mark I’m gonna cum. Fuck Fuck Mark-“

And then your climax hit you. You collapsed on top of him and he still fucked into you. “Fuck feel so good. Y-you feel so good.” Mark was so close and the way he kept fucking you overstimulated you. You clenched one last time and Mark came inside of you, painting you walls white. He moaned your name as he came and you could feel him twitching inside of you.

Mark wrapped his arms around you and pressed you against his chest. Mark pulled his cock out of you. You could hear his heart beating against his chest.

The night was perfect, after cleaning you up, you were wrapped in his arms once again. You talked about everything that night. Everything you had missed when you were apart.

“Can I ask you something?” he said.

“Sure.”

“Did you ever love him? Minho or whatever his name was.” Mark was jealous, even though you were in his arms.

“No, I don’t think that I’ve ever loved anyone, except for you. I always loved you.”

Mark smiled and kissed your temple.

“Why were you with him? Why didn’t you break up with him? Jaehyun told me that he’s an asshole.”

“After- after you broke up with me, I was… lost. I didn’t know what to do. I felt worthless and just- useless. He made me feel- wanted? I don’t know. I needed someone to forget you and he didn’t care. He never cared about me but he made me believe that he loved me. And that’s all I wanted. I just wanted to be loved.” You whispered the last part. A tear escaped your eye and you were quick enough to wipe it away. But Mark still noticed.

Mark felt bad. He never wanted you to feel this way. You were a dream. You were so perfect and it was his fault that you felt worthless. If anyone was useless, it was Mark.

“It’s my fault a-and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that you felt that way, but it’s not true. You are so much more. You are perfect in every possible way. You are more than anyone could ask for. I’ll never forgive myself that I made you feel this way.” Mark teared up and pulled you even closer.

“C-Can I ask you something?” you asked this time.

“Y-Yes.”

“What did you do with the money?” you were always curious about that.

Mark gulped hard, the memory pained him. “I gave it back.”

“What?”

“I couldn’t take money from a stupid bet, a bet that hurt you. I wasn’t proud of what I did. I wanted to forget that it happened, that I did that to you. I wanted to erase that from my memory. But I couldn’t erase you.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you. I loved you back then and I love you now. I never stopped loving you but I was too scared to reach out to you. I thought you hated me and it took me long to realize how much I love you.”

You looked up to him, you didn’t want to cry but your eyes were teary. “You love me?”

“Yes, I love you. I love you so much. There was not a single day without missing you, not a single day without regret eating me alive.”

“S-So you still love?”

“Yes. I love you.” He looked you deep in the eyes.

“I love you too.”

Mark smiled widely. Oh, how he missed hearing that you loved him.

“I’m sorry for everything.”

“It’s okay.” You pecked his lips but that wasn’t enough for Mark. He climbed on top of you and kissed you passionately.

His hand was on your naked thigh, stroking it softly. You were wet and when Mark put his hand on your wet pussy, you moaned.

Mark circled your clit and his tongue played with yours. It felt so good. He slowly put two fingers inside of your cunt and thrusted them in and out. You clenched around his fingers and you could feel your climax coming. Mark added a third finger.

His lips were back on your skin. Mark softly kissed your boobs and sucked on your sensitive nipples.

“Are you going to be a good girl and cum?” he asked you between his kisses.

“Yes- I’m so close.”

“Look at me.” His face was close to yours again, and when you looked at him, at his dark doe eyes, you came.

After you calmed down, you glanced at the clock in the room.

“Shit, Mark. It’s almost six in the morning. We need to sleep.”

You talked the whole night and after two orgasms and cuddling, you didn’t notice that it was already this late.

“But I’m hard.” He pouted.

“Do you want me to suck you off?”

“Yes, please baby, please suck me off.” He begged.

You were on the edge of the bed, your face right in front of his hard cock.

You slowly licked from the bottom to his tip. You pumped his cock in your hand a couple times before you put it inside of your mouth. After pumping him, you licked the slit on his tip.

“Babe- don’t tease me.” He whimpered.

“What do you want me to do?”

“Anything- but just please, do something.”

You put his entire length inside of your mouth, bobbing your head up and down and pumping the part of his dick you couldn’t put inside of your mouth.

You stopped bobbing you head and stared licked his tip again. “Babe- please. Please make me cum.”

Mark was going crazy. He needed to cum, his cock was so sensitive now, he twitched every time you licked or touched him.

“Okay, baby. I teased you enough, I’ll make you cum. You want to cum right?” you kissed his cock and he nodded. “Please. I want to cum on your face.”

You sucked his dick properly this time, he was so sensitive and so close, not even ten seconds later, he came on your face, just like he wanted to.

“Fuck, fuck fuck. That was so fucking good, babe, fuck.” Mark was breathing heavily, the intense orgasm tired him. You cleaned you face, fortunately he only came on your face and inside of your mouth.

You crawled back to him and kissed his lips. “Thank you.” He thanked you. “I love sucking your dick.”

“No, well yeah thank you for that too but I’m thankful for everything. Thank you for forgiving me.”

“I love you.”

And you fell asleep in his arms.

I'd go back to you I'd go back to you What was there, wasn't sure But I'd go back to you I know I'd go back to you

Not even three hours later, your alarm clock woke you and Mark up.

“I don’t want to leave you.” You mumbled.

“I don’t want you to leave either. Stay a little longer.” He kissed your shoulder.

“I can’t I have to wake up Aera. It’s her big day, it needs to be perfect.”

“Everything you do is perfect.” Mark flirted.

“Shut up, I’ll see you later okay? Thank you for last night.”

“I love you.” He leaned down and kissed you. After kissing for two minutes to pulled back again. “I have to go.”

“Just five more minutes.”

Almost thirty minutes later, you tiptoed to your bedroom. Aera was wide awake playing with her phone when she saw you.

“Where the fuck were you and why are- oh my god.” Aera understood immediately. “You bitch fucked Mark didn’t you.”

“Yes, and now shut up and get ready for your wedding day!”

“I know I know, but like, I’m happy if you are happy. Are you happy?” she asked you worriedly.

“Yes. I’ve never been happier I think.” You smiled. You were really happy and so in love with Mark.

“Then I’m happy.”

Hours later, you found yourself in your maid of honor dress, looking absolutely gorgeous. Mark was helping you with everything. With the catering company, the guests and everything else that needed to be taken care of.

Mark stole kisses from you here and there and now he pulled you back to his bedroom and kissed you intensely.

“You look so stunning- I can’t stop staring at you. I love you, pretty girl.” He kissed you again.

“M-Mark fuck, you look so hot and I really want to fuck you, b-but, fuck we can’t.” you closed your eyes and let him kiss your neck.

“Okay, okay. I’m trying to stay calm, but fuck, you look so good I want to rip that dress off.”

“We’ll have the whole night. Let’s go back, people are going to get suspicious.”

When you went back, you met Johnny and Yuta on your way.

“Where are you two coming from?” Yuta asked.

“My bedroom- ouch.” You kicked Mark’s leg.

“What were you doing in your bedroom?” Johnny asked amused. “Do you want me to show you?” Mark asked with a smirk.

“Mark? What the f-“ and then Mark pulled you in and kissed you fully on the lips.

He could finally show Johnny that you belonged to him, that you always belonged to him.

“Well I guess we saw that coming.” Yuta laughed with Johnny. The two left and you were still kissing.

“Ew! He is eating her Mommy!” you heard a little girl scream.

You pulled away immediately and apologized.

Mark laughed his ass off as he walked you to Aera’s dressing room. “I’m going to eat you tonight. But not your mouth. I’m going to eat your cunt.”

“I can’t wait. I’ll see you at the ceremony alright? I need to stay with Aera now.”

“Okay baby.” He kissed you goodbye.

The wedding ceremony ended so quickly, next thing you knew you were in Mark’s arms slow dancing. Aera and Jaehyun’s wedding was truly beautiful. Everything went smoothly and you were finally resting in the arms of your lover.

Aera and Jaehyun were also slow dancing and smiling happily. Not only because it was the most important night of their lives- also because their best friends were finally happy together.

“Y/n?” Mark said your name softly.

“Mhm?” you hummed with closed eyes.

“I’m really sorry that I put you trough all of that, and I’m sorry that it took me so long to realize my real feelings for you. You’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever met in my entire life and I’m going to do everything I can to keep you in my arms. I don’t want to see sad ever again. I’ll love you until my last breath.”

You promised yourself you weren’t going to cry that night, but a couple tears still escaped.

“You know, I was hurt but I healed and I’m more than ready to do this with you again. It was you. My heart always longed for you, and I don’t think that there could be anyone I would love as much as I love you. You could break my heart thousand times, I would go back to you over and over again.” You looked up to him, he could see the love you felt for him in your eyes.

“I love you.”

“I love you.” And with that, Mark pressed his lips on yours and kissed you with so much love and adoration.

I'll go back to you I'll go back to you I know I'd go back to you I'll go back to you I'll go back to you I know I'd go back to you

#neosmutcollective #mark angst #mark lee angst #mark lee fluff #mark lee smut #nct angst #nct fluff #mark lee x reader #mark lee x you #nct smut #jung jaehyun #nct dream angst #nct dream mark #nct dream smut #nct dream fluff

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txemrn · 3 years

Text

Book: Open Heart (after book 3)

Word Count: 1456 (+/-)

Warnings: Language, angst, maternal death

A/N: You guessed it; we did another Drunken Drabbles last night (which if you ever want to play, please join us! My buddies @chemist-ana, @jstawriterbee, & @kat-tia801 joined me last night--check out their DD! They actually have smut!), and this one is brought to you be Deep Eddie's Vodka. As far as the challenge? I broke every. single. rule. First of all, I passed out before I could schedule to post this, so here I am, 2.5 hours late. Second, I didn't use the prompt. There is literally no prompt to this. Third, I'm well over 1000 word. And finally, there is no smut. Nada. Zilch. What the hell happened last night? *rubs head* Some characters and plot belong to Pixelberry. Also, no editing or pre-reading with this bad boy, so please forgive me! Enjoy! 😎

***

Depositing a dollop of hand sanitizer in her palm, newly appointed Chief of Obstetrics Dr. Tatum Erikson escorts a nurse out of a labor patient's room. “Let’s go ahead and start that amnio,” she orders as she rubs her hands together. "300 bolus followed by 80 an hour. Call me if--" the chime of her pager interrupts her. "Shit."

"Ma'am?"

Tatum rubs her temples. "Sorry--um--" she looks back at her pager. "--call me if those decels don't resolve in thirty minutes--" she begins to jog down the birthing center's corridor, heading towards the stairs to exit the unit.

She bolts down the six flights, reaching the ground level at a rapid speed. She rounds the corner, pushing past the double doors next to a large red-and-white illuminated sign: Emergency. She sees the commotion ahead and a patient being transferred from a stretcher, not responsive.

"I'm Dr. Erikson," she frantically calls out over the chaos of the room. "I was paged 911. What've we got?" As a seasoned EMT rattles off vital signs and history, Tatum instantly recognizes Karla Hogan, a patient she saw this morning at her 38-week check-up appointment.

Oh, God, no... Please no...

"...she was found unresponsive at the scene of the MVA. Asystole. CPR in process for 17 minutes--"

"Epi? We've given epi?"

"Yes--"

"Atropine?"

"Maxed."

No, no, no. This can't be happening…

"Doctor, how would you like to proceed--?"

"Put a goddamn fetal monitor on my patient," she barks, turning to a nurse nearby. "You," she points, "page OB STAT Emergency overhead. I need an OR now--"

"It won't make a difference," bellows a cold, baritone voice from the doorway of the room.

Tatum freezes, the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end. She knows that hauntingly deep voice: a voice that once made her giggle incessantly during the day while he purred her name late into the night; a voice that encouraged her, comforted her, believed in her all through medical school; a voice that once laid claim to her hand and her heart--that is until that voice found her in bed with his best friend. She knows that frigid tone anywhere.

"Ramsey," she mutters.

"A postmortem c-section?" He condescendingly questions, strolling confidently into the room. "She's been down for how long--?"

"But, if these chest compressions have been adequate, there's a chance--"

"She was gone before they even started--" he nonchalantly interjects as he begins testing the patient's reflexes.

"Doctor Ramsey," she chides before being abruptly interrupted by a trauma nurse.

"Dr. Erikson, I think I hear a heartbeat, but it's low and slow." Tatum nervously nods, taking a few deep breaths.

"That's good enough for me," she kindly thanks the nurse. "Alright, team," she boldly orders, "Let's get her ready for a cesarean." She turns to a nearby technician. "Where the hell is my OB team?"

"They've been paged--"

"Page them again," orders Tatum.

"But, doctor--"

"Page them again," Tatum's tone becomes more stern as she starts grabbing surgical materials. Slipping on a scrub hat, she turns to look into a pair of familiar, crystal blue eyes. "When's the last time you did surgery, Ramsey?"

The tall provider sardonically chuckles. "It's been a while," he crosses his arms, "but, it's not happening right now--"

Tatum scoffs. "Let's get her prepped people. Move!"

"Dr. Erikson," Ethan hollers, a warning in his tone. "You will not be performing this--"

"Watch me." Tatum fervently assists the nurses and technicians in positioning the gravid body. "If you've got a problem, take it up with the chief. This is my call--"

"Already have," Ethan snidely rebuttals, "and it's my call." Tatum stops applying her surgical mask, slowly turning her attention to his towering frame. Her wide eyes slowly trace down from his face to the embroidery of his white coat: Dr. Ethan J. Ramsey, Chief of Medicine.

Tatum blinks her lashes in confusion. "Where's Dr. Banerji?"

"Not here," Ethan smirks, raising an eyebrow. "Now will you be reasonable?"

"Reasonable?" She feels the anger burning inside her as she fights back the stinging pain of tears. Her eyes glisten with earnest pleading. "Ethan," she beckons under her breath, "We could save a life."

Ethan runs his hand over his face, allowing his fingers to rest against his chin. "Tatum, I--"

"Please. Do this," she swallows deeply, her voice reducing to a whisper, "for me?" Ethan's gaze fixes on his former love, a flash of memories flood before his eyes leaving the pair in a palpable stillness.

"Nurse," he calls out from over his shoulder, "I need a size eight glove."

***

"You want me to--"

"I can do it."

Ethan and Tatum walk in silence to the waiting room to retrieve Karla Hogan's husband. Recognizing him instantly, Tatum invites him to follow him to a more private room to talk.

"Just--just say it, Dr. Erikson." Tatum stuns in her steps, slowly turning to face the tearful husband and father-to-be. "Please don't make me take one more step, one more second not knowing that the love of my life--that she, my Karla--" his voice falls into sobs.

"We--we did everything--" Tatum's voice runs hoarse as tears drip from her cheeks. She clears her throat. "Mr. Hogan, I--I--" A sudden tunnel of darkness clouds around her head, the room falling silent. She feels her heart begin to panic, thundering in her chest as her breathing becomes more shallow. She's had this difficult discussion before with family members; but death in the maternity ward is never something one should get used to.

Suddenly, Ethan gently puts a hand on Tatum's shoulder, a comforting touch that always brought her back to reality. She takes a few deep breaths, looking up at him. He gives a curt nod as he squeezes her shoulder, stepping forward to talk.

"Mr. Hogan, we did everything we could…"

Tatum slips off her scrub cap, letting platinum blonde wisps cascade down her face. All she can picture in her head is Karla, how she was full of hope this morning‐‐they both were. And in the blink of an eye

"... but thanks to this skillful doctor right here," Tatum is pulled from her thoughts by Ethan's words as he points to her. "--your newborn baby girl is waiting for you, recovering in our Neonatal Intensive Care Unit."

***

After leading the emotional father up to meet his daughter, Tatum turns on her heel, making her way back to her laboring patients in the birthing center. But, before she exits the NICU, she discovers Ethan finishing a conversation with one of the neonatologists. Their eyes meet.

“Proud of you today, Tate,” Ethan offers a crooked smile.

Tatum dramatically steps closer to Ethan, crossing her arms as she raises an eyebrow. “Pardon me,” she lifts a hand up to cup her ears, “but did you just say, ‘You were right, Tatum; I was wrong’?”

Ethan pinches between his eyes while his other hand rests on his hip. “I’m never wrong--”

“Today you were--” she jovial pokes at him.

“You got lucky--”

“And you’re still bitter--”

“‘Bitter’?” Ethan scoffs, “of you--?”

“That someone’s medical intuition rivals your own--”

“Dare to dream, Dr. Erikson, but we both know exactly what your intuition is capable of--” The moment the words left his lips, a painful apologetic look plagues Ethan’s eyes as he watches the stunned hurt flash across hers. A thick silence floods between them, both of them unsure how to recover from such a low-blow of a remark. Tatum stares at the floor, unsure if she should just walk away.

“Tatum, I--” she shakes her head, waving her arm to dismiss the inevitable apology. She just wasn’t sure when she would stop paying for the sins of her past.

“So,” she tries to change subjects as a mischievous grin grows across her face. "I missed the memo. You're my boss."

"I'm your boss," he chuckles, crossing his arms.

"Hrmmm," Tatum raises her eyebrows, turning towards the door as a silence falls between them, again. She motions for the automatic door to open.

"Hrmmm what?" Ethan questions, turning towards her as the doors slowly open.

"Oh, I was just thinking," she lowers her voice, placing her hand on his arm. Ethan bites his lower lip as his cheeks begin to flush. His eyes flutter down to her lips before drifting back to her gaze. He swallows thickly.

"A-About what?" His tone matches hers.

She giggles letting go of his arm. She makes her way through the automatic doors and back en route to her department. But, not before she calls out over shoulder in a dark, sensually husky voice: "It wouldn't be the first time--" she twirls on her heel to look at him one more time, giving him a wink and a knowing smile, "--sir."

***

@chemist-ana @charlotteg234 @choiceskatie @forallthatitsworth @irisofpurple @kat-tia801 @khoicesbyk @lovelyladyk88 @lucy-268 @neotericthemis @phoenixrising308 @sfb123 @shannonwrote @shewillreadyou @taniasethi @thefrenchiemama

#open heart #ethan ramsey #open heart fanfiction #ethan ramsey fanfiction #pixelberry #choices OH #choices OPH #drunken drabbles

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honeyoongiah · 4 years

Text

Curtains

Pairings: Taehyung x reader

Genre: Neighbour! Taehyung AU, fluff, angst, smut

Words: 6.3k

Warnings: mention of harassment, explicit sex

Summary: You just moved out to study in another city when you met your new neighbour Taehyung. You instantly feel connected to him, but somehow life just doesn’t stop getting in your way.

A/N: This is an older piece but I love it. I had to translate it before I could post it because I wrote it in german originally. And since I had a chance now, I edited it a bit. Enjoy!

"Are you sure you're gonna be okay?" - "Your plane is departing soon, get in this damn taxi now!" I laughed and pushed my mother out the door. Her eyes were still glaring at me with concern while trying to get free. "I can always book a new flight."

"Mom no, go now. I'm an adult, I can do this.", I said and gestured how tall I am already. "First of all you are only 22. And you live alone now! That's a big step. You were never very long or far away from me. In my eyes you'll always be my little one."

I hugged my mother one last time and kissed her cheek. "Now go. Tell me when you land and greet my siblings. And thanks again for helping me out so much. Are you sure I shouldn't bring you to the airport?" - "Yes I'm sure darling and don't thank me, I'll always be there to help you. I'll call you from home then!"

I watched my mother for a while until I closed the door of my new house and leaned against it from the inside. I really moved out now and my new home was not exactly around the corner. But I was lucky with this place, it's a beautiful estate and close to my university.

I walked straight up to my refrigerator in the kitchen because my stomach grumbled. A glance at the clock told me that their war had been a while since my mom and I ate breakfast and I hoped she wasn't starving on her way right now.

My eyes looked right into a yawning void and I sighed in frustration as I didn't feel like going shopping now. In the end, I would have no other choice. It was Saturday and if I didn't have food for today, I'll definitely stay hungry tomorrow.

I ran upstairs to my bedroom and grabbed my handbag that was placed on the bedside table and opened it. Phone, key, wallet. Everything inside. I took a quick look in the mirror and checked whether my pigtail was still sitting properly and pulled it again.

Then I ran back down the stairs and left my house, of course not without locking the door. I got in my car and started the engine. Less than 10 minutes later I stood in the parking lot of a grocery store and slammed my car door. With quick steps I entered the building and looked around. I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible, I could already hear my bed calling for me.

After my bulk shopping was done and I paid an inhuman sum at the cash register, I had a hard time carrying it all to the car. Somehow I had made it and dropped the whole bags into my trunk. After I drove back and parked in my garage, I threw myself into my seat in frustration as I remembered how many heavy bags I would have to carry inside now.

Come on, it doesn't take that long I tried to cheer myself up and forced myself to get out and go to my trunk again. I was able to carry the first 3 bags and just got the key out of my door when a small husky stared at me with an innocent look. "Um..." I got out of a urge to react as if the dog could answer me. I almost dropped the bags, but I was able to put them down in time and crouched down.

"Well, who are you?" I asked and the dog cocked his head to the side. I held out my hand and waited for him to come closer to sniff it. Who knew if he had not experienced traumatic and maybe attacked when I act too harshly.

Slowly the husky puppy padded towards me and nestled his head on my hand. I started to stroke him properly and his tail back and forth happily. "Snowball?" I turned around, but at first I couldn't find who this dark voice belonged to. "Snowball? Snowball where are you?"

Then the little one in front of me responded to these calls with even more wagging his tail. "I guess you're Snowball, right?" He barked loudly and I giggled. "Snowball?" Slowly he padded past me to his owner, I turned and looked up into two brown eyes that pierced mine.

We just looked at each other for a few seconds until I finally woke up from my rigidity and got up. "Um, hi. I'm y/n, I just moved in here." - "I'm Kim Taehyung and I live in the house next door.", said the other person while pointing to his house and grinning shyly. I returned the grin and looked over. "It's nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too. I'm sorry if Snowball scared or annoyed you. He just ran away when I wanted to get the mail in and I couldn't catch him straight away and then he already was out of my sight.", He laughed and scratched his neck nervously.

"Oh, no problem. I love dogs and Snowball is really cute.", I replied honestly and looked down at him again. "Okay, then I'm relieved. Still sorry and thank you for taking care of him. I don't want to bother you any longer."

His eyes fell on the shopping bags by the door and he looked back at me. "Do you need help carrying it in?"- "Oh ah no, it's okay. I'll be fine," I said, waving my arms around in the air.

"Sure? It's not a problem for me to lend a hand."

His long brown-gray hair fell into his eyes and he ran his fingers elegantly through them while his eyes continued to look at me. „I am sure these aren‘t the only bags, if you just moved in here. Come on, let me help you.“

I gave up and nodded. Taehyung's smile widened immediately and he nodded back in confirmation. "The rest is in the trunk. I go and open the door already, so Snowball won't run away again."

Taehyung let Snowball into my house and carried the 3 bags from the front of my door to the kitchen, then he came to my garage and took as many bags as he could carry.

"I can take some too," I muttered, but he just shook his head and walked back inside my house.

I locked the car and the garage, then I followed him.

"Should I help you unpack, too?"

"No no, that would really be too much to ask for. Thanks for your help, would you like some coffee?", I walked over to my machine and looked at him questioningly. "Oh no, I don't want to bother you."

"It’s totally fine and besides you just helped me and I want to give you something back." - "Well if you insist then it would be my pleasure.", I nodded contentedly and let the coffee machine do its work while I leaned against the counter. "So why did you move here?"

"I am here for my studies, the university is just around the corner. I also always wanted to be independent as early as possible." Taehyung nodded and surveyed the facility. "Everything is already ready here."

"My mother was here and helped me with everything. She flew back this morning."

"Do you miss her already?" - "I didn’t get to that part yet, to be honest. Since she's gone, I've only been grocery shopping, nothing more." I laughed and Taehyung joined in. We talked about our life for a while and I found out that he studied at the university like me and that he had lived here alone for a few years. Unlike my family, his family lived near him, only that he still didn't see them too often. They didn't have a particularly close relationship. He had Snowball only for a few weeks and he made him really happy, even if it brought him into all kinds of problematic situations.

"I'll be gone then too, my girlfriend is probably wondering where I am," he explained to me with a smile and went to the door. A part of me was really sad that he was apparently in firm hands. "Thanks again for your help."

"Thanks for the coffee. If you need something, just come over."

I closed the door, started to put my groceries in the fridge and finally made myself something to eat. Later my mother called me and told me that she had arrived safely but would fly back at any time if I needed anything. With a laugh I declined her offer and we hung up. I spent most of the following evenings curled up on my sofa watching some trivial series on TV before my eyes grew heavy and I fell asleep. One night I heard someone shouting and winced. I slowly opened my eyes and was startled because I was not used to the surroundings.

I switched on the light and turned the television off. Is someone arguing? So loud in the middle of the night? I decided to go to my bedroom after going to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Shortly after I entered my room and wanted to open the window when I noticed that I could look perfectly into the room across the street. Two people faced each other and seemed pretty angry. I could see that one of them is probably Taehyung and that the woman with him must have been his girlfriend.

She raised her hand and landed directly on his cheek. I flinched in surprise, but Taehyung kept a straight face. He said something else to her that I didn't understand and she left the room. Still staring in shock, I stared over until his eyes met mine and I felt caught.

You don't stalk people just like that, I thought and I blushed. Taehyung just smiled and shaped a sorry with his lips. I shook my head to signal that he didn't have to apologize for anything and he nodded.

I smiled goodbye to him again and then pulled my curtains shut. Apparently he was having a fight with his girlfriend. I hoped that would settle down soon and went to bed. A few weeks passed and I met Taehyung a few times at the university and in front of the house. I found out that he had broke up with his girlfriend and he apologized again for waking me up.

I also got to know the first people and made a few contacts. A boy named Jimin seemed to be particularly interested in me and he invited me to dinner. I thought why not? and agreed. He was really attractive and friendly, you could talk to him well, so I was looking forward to my date. On that day the doorbell rang and I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

Jimin wanted to be here in an hour? I wasn't done with getting ready yet. I trudged to the door and found Taehyung. "Hey, I wanted to ask, if you would like to see a movie or something today? I cooked and there would be something for you too." In fact, I would have liked this, but I was already appointed. "I'm sorry, I'm busy today. Next time?"

Taehyung was visibly disappointed but he smiled anyway. "No problem, what are you doing?" Somehow it was uncomfortable for me to tell Taehyung that I was on a date, but it couldn't be avoided. "I'm having dinner with Jimin, I think you know him." His eyes widened and he looked away in shame. "Oh oh yes, I know Jimin. He is really nice. I wish you a good time." We said goodbye and I got ready for my date. It was really nice, Jimin picked me up and opened all the doors for me, adjusted my chair and even paid. He was really courteous and gracious but also funny.

We stopped at my front door to say goodbye. "I enjoyed my evening with you, y/n." Jimin smiled shyly and scratched the back of his head. "I thought it was very nice too." I admitted honestly and he smiled brighter. But something was missing. Jimin slowly reached down to me, watching my reaction closely and resting his forehead on mine. When I didn't move away, he gently put his lips on mine and I returned the kiss. We quickly broke apart and Jimin said goodbye for today.

This was followed by some dates, some kisses and at some point we were a couple.

"Do you want to go out today, honey?" He asked as he hugged me from behind and rested his head on my shoulder as I made myself a tea. "I don't care, we can stay here as long as we are together." I replied and got a kiss on the head. "You are so adorable."

Jimin was really the perfect boyfriend and I enjoyed being close. Spending time with him was pure relaxation for me and yet I couldn't help feeling that I was missing something. But I didn't tell him, I didn't want to hear it myself and gave everything to be a good girlfriend to him. We sat on the sofa and I leaned against him. He immediately put an arm around me and put my cup on the table. "Hey, I wanted to drink it now!" I laughed.

Jimin leaned down to me and pressed his soft lips against mine. I sighed contentedly and he grinned into our kiss. "It makes me so happy to make you happy."

"You poet." I giggled and united our lips again. Just as he was about to lean over me, the doorbell rang. Jimin already had his lower lip out formed to a pout and I laughed. "I‘ll go."

Jimin got up and arrived at the front door in a few steps. "Oh, hey Tae. What's up?" Immediately I became clairaudient and got up to go to the door. I stood next to Jimin, who automatically put his hand around my waist. Tae's gaze immediately fell on it and I felt an uneasy feeling. "I-I just cooked too much again and wanted to bring something over. So you are together now?"

Jimin and I nodded, he definitely more vigorously than me. Taehyung put on a false smile and nodded. "I'm happy for you. Then you can eat it together, it'll be enough for two people." If it was enough for two, half was definitely not for Jimin and I felt bad to have canceled again when Taehyung indirectly asked me to meet. We said goodbye and I watched Tae walk down the stairs until Jimin closed the door. "Delicious food." Jimin murmured as he greedily examined the baking pan and I had to laugh.

Time flew and two years passed by quickly. Taehyung and I saw each other every now and then, when I was jogging and he went for a walk with Snowball. Who, by the way, had already become huge. Sometimes we were even grocery shopping at the same time. I also saw him go to bed every night because our bedrooms were facing each other and we always went around the same time to close the curtains. It was like a ritual. Neither of us mentioned it and neither said it was intentional, but we both knew we were eagerly waiting for 10 p.m. to finally be able to walk to the curtains and smile at each other least a few seconds a day.

After two years of relationship, I broke up with Jimin. He was a perfect boyfriend but he wasn't... perfect for me. The feeling that I was missing something grew bigger and bigger and echoed loudly in my head. I couldn't go on like this. Jimin was hurt, but understanding as expected. Again I met Taehyung while jogging, but this time I wouldn't just keep walking with a smile. I stopped, to mine and to his amazement. "Hey, Taehyung. We haven't talked in a long time," I said kindly.

"That's right, how are you doing right now?"

"Oh, it's okay so far, there's a lot going on right now," I replied. Please ask about Jimin, it shot through my head and I was scared of myself. Why did I want that? "Yes, the university is troubling us all. How's Jimin?" Yes! "I don't know, we broke up," I said, and I could have sworn to see a quick smile on his lips. "I'm sorry, you were together a long time." I nodded. "It was my decision. Something was missing," I emphasized. "Sometimes there are things that aren‘t meant to be and sometimes you have it right in front of you and you don't recognize it." he said absently and avoided eye contact.

We said goodbye and I thought about his words. Was he thinking about us? What would have been if he had not been taken or if it wasn’t directly after his breakup? What if his invitation had come a tick earlier? Would I have been with Jimin at all? I soon decided to cook too and bring him something over there. In fact, I still had one of his baking tins and decided to make a potato casserole.

But the university tore at my nerves and I couldn't find any time. Taehyung always seemed tired and stressed when I saw him in the evening or met him at the post office. Finally, half a year later, when I still hadn't given him his shape back, maybe just to be able to do this, I found the time and cooked for us. All day I was happy that it finally worked and something inside of me tingled with excitement. The thought of eating and talking with Taehyung, maybe laughing, gave me goose bumps and a pleasant warmth ran through my stomach.

I never had that with Jimin.

Humming happily, I cooked my casserole and looked proud at my work when I took it out of the oven. I let it cool down a bit and ran upstairs to choose something to wear.

Simple or a little bit more prettied up? We would only eat, but I still wanted to look good.

I entered my bedroom and automatically looked over into his.

My smile immediately disappeared when I realized that he was standing there with a girl and kissed her soulfully as they moved towards the bed. My stomach tightened but I couldn't look away. He held her face with one hand and with the other he pulled her closer to his waist.

She had buried her fingers in his hair and was playing with them.

I seemed to have been too noticeable because a few seconds later he broke away from her and looked in my direction. Just in time I could pretend to get my cell phone off the bed and disappear.

Before I left the room I looked over again. He had turned back to her and probably hadn't noticed that I had seen her. I sadly went down the stairs and wondered what I wanted to do alone with so much casserole. Then I just had something to eat for two days, I thought to myself, but I couldn't just keep it. It was meant for him and he should get it.

I got out a pen and a small piece of paper and wrote a message.

"Sorry for bringing over your cake tray so late. The casserole is for you and your girlfriend. Sorry, I didn't want to stalk! ~ y/n" I packed the form in aluminum foil and stuck the note on it. I quickly put on my shoes and ran the few meters over to put it in front of his door. Then I went back inside and threw myself on the sofa in frustration. Some things shouldn't be. At 10pm I went to my curtains as usual, but for the first time in 3 years, his curtains were closed.

The next morning I walked to my mailbox, but this time I saw no Taehyung.

I glanced at his front door. The casserole was definitely no longer there. But between my letters I found a small piece of paper. "The casserole was great, but not necessary! Thank you (^ o ^)" He did not go into the matter with his girlfriend, which is not surprising.

With a sigh I packed the remaining letters and ran back into the house.

The weeks passed and tests were pending. I hardly left my house, tried to focus as best I could. But Taehyung always managed to sneak into my thoughts and I tugged my hair I should have noticed earlier that I wanted more. Already at the first meeting I noticed that there was something. But he had a girlfriend. Then I had a boyfriend. The university also consumed a lot of time and now he seemed to be taken again.

He lives next door and is still so far away.

Another few weeks passed and Taehyung didn't come to the window regularly at 10pm. Maybe once or twice a week I saw him grinning at me through the window.

I always smiled back in a friendly way, but I was sad inside. I should just get over it and be happy myself again. After all, I had separated from Jimin over half a year ago. The university had planned a big prom after the exams and I tried to be happy and not to think that Taehyung would probably bring his new girlfriend there.

I got some invitations for this evening, but I didn't really feel like any of them. Everyone was really nice, but that's just not enough. Nevertheless, I accepted Haesung's invitation and he picked me up at 8pm. He drove us to the location and even looked really good in a suit.

We talked casually and entered the room.

The large hall was dipped in a soft blue and the furnishings matched perfectly. My dress was also color-coordinated, because the motto had already been announced. "Would you like a drink?" my date for this eveing asked, but I didn't feel like alcohol today. "No thanks." He got some of the alcohol-free punch for both of us, because he still had to drive. We talked and drank until my eyes fell on the door that someone was opening.

His suit looked great and my face immediately turned a light red.

To my surprise he was alone, without any company. His eyes roamed the room as if he was looking for something and finally met mine. We just looked at each other until he started eyeing me and my dress and smiled shyly. I blushed but smiled back. His smile was really heartwarming and it made my stomach tingle again. He looked over at Haesung and his eyes changed from shy to worried. What was going through his mind?

"y/n? Are you listening at all?"

Haesung pulled me out of my thoughts and I looked at him. "I'm sorry, I just noticed my neighbor." Haesung nodded and we continued the conversation.

My eyes fell briefly on the door again, but Taehyung was no longer to be seen. Well understandable, who liked standing in the door frame all night. The evening was calm and relaxed, I was still looking for Tae but couldn't find him anywhere. Time passed and slowly I wanted to go back home. Nothing kept me here.

"Haesung, I'm pretty tired. Would you mind if we left now?" I asked with puppy eyes.

You could see the disappointment, but he nodded and we walked back to the car. I searched for Taehyung one last time, but I still couldn't find him. Maybe he was home already?

The journey was quiet, there was silence between us but that was fine with me. I didn't really feel like talking to him anymore.

He walked me to the door and I tried to say goodbye, but Haesung supported himself on my front door with his hand and narrowed me down. "Can't I get a good night kiss?" He said, and I got a bad feeling about it. "Haesung please go now," I tried to say in a strong voice. He frowned. "But babe, we haven't gotten to the fun part yet." - "Haesung it is enough, I don't want that." I said with tremor in my voice this time and clenched my hands into fists to calm down. "Oh come on, I can still convince you. You will have fun."

Haesung moved closer and I was getting ready for the worst, but just before his face was close enough to mine, he was pulled back by the shoulder and stumbled a few steps back. "Fuck off Tae, this has nothing to do with you." Haesung said, visibly pissed off and tried to get out of his grip, but Taehyung gripped harder and harder. "No means no haesung and if you don't leave now and stay away from y/n in the future, you and I will have a problem." Taehyung said coldly and pierced Haesung with a look of death.

"Alright alright, I'm leaving," he muttered and went to his car.

Relief spread through me and I leaned against the door with a sigh. "Thanks Tae, it would have turned out badly without you." - "Nothing to thank me for. I was worried when I saw him with you, he has always been a guy who knows no boundaries. That's why I kept an eye on you and that didn't seem to be a mistake. Besides, you didn't seem really interested in him?", the last one came out half as a question and he cocked his head slightly.

"I thought he was nice and I didn't want to go to prom alone." I answered honestly and shrugged. "I would have invited you.” Taehyung murmured, looking at everything but me, hoping I didn't hear it. I did however. "I thought you were going with your girlfriend." I said, and Taehyung raised an eyebrow. "Exactly, I wanted to talk to you about that too. I have no girlfriend, where does that idea come from?" I thought back to the day I cooked for us and then saw him in the room with this woman. How he kissed her and pushed her towards the bed. My stomach turned. "I saw you in your room with a woman, and judging by what you were about to do, it looked very intimate." I replied embarrassed, playing with my fingers.

Taehyung thought for a moment, but then widened his eyes and blushed.

"I-I ... that wasn't my girlfriend. I just got to know her back then and … ah doesn't matter, it was a huge mistake. So you thought she was my girlfriend ever since?" He threw his head back and sighed heavily. "Don’t worry about it! You are grown up and can do whatever you want." I tried to calm him down, but he just shook his head. "You're right about that, but that was never what I wanted. No matter it's late, you should go to sleep. By the way, you look really gorgeous in this dress. Good night." he said and disappeared.

I unlocked my front door and warm air flowed towards me. I ran upstairs and saw Tae lying on his bed and running his hand through his hair while looking frustrated. I ran to my closet and dug out a long top because I didn't like to sleep in pants, and went to the bathroom to change. I could have just closed my curtains, but I didn't want to lose the chance to see Tae's face again. Who knew when the next time would be. I took off my make-up and changed my clothes. When I ran back to my room Taehyung was still there, but now he was sitting and resting his head on his knees with his hands. He probably hadn't noticed that I could see him yet.

For a few minutes I watched him go through his hair, check his cell phone briefly and throw himself back on the bed in frustration again. Then I decided to offer him his privacy and pulled my curtains shut. Another few weeks passed and our evening ritual was revived. We met and went jogging again often, sometimes we even ate together at the university. Finally it seemed to be going uphill. But fate was simply not on our side. I noticed that there has been an unusual amount of noise coming from his house lately and his bedroom looked emptier than usual. What was he up to? Renovation work? I didn't get to ask him, because the next day he was already at my door and handed me a small piece of paper. "I'm going to do a few semesters abroad. I can't be here anymore, but that's my number, if you need something or want to talk, just contact me.", He was still there until I finished saving his number but after that he wanted to turn back and go immediately.

No no no! I couldn't let something separate us again!

He was still walking along the path of my property when his cell phone rang.

He got it out of his pocket and took the call.

"Hello?"

"You said I should call when I need something. Don't go away, I need you." I spoke bravely into my cell phone, my hand trembled and I was ready to get the brush-off. A tear rolled down my cheek but I just ignored it. Taehyung continued to stand with his back in my direction for a few seconds, which felt like hours, but then finally turned to me and waöked towards me with huge steps. "I've been waiting for so long," he said before taking my face in his hands and meld our lips. I sighed contentedly and put my arms around his neck, pulling him further down towards me. He pushed me into the house and kicked the door shut. His hands moved from my face to my hip, where he pulled me closer and I moaned in surprise.

I buried my fingers in his long hair and scratched his neck. In response, he gave a low grumble and pushed me against the wall. "I've wanted to do this ever since I met you," he whispered against my lips as we briefly separated from each other due to lack of air. His eyes shone and I lost myself in them. He grabbed my butt and I immediately wrapped my legs around his waist. Again he pushed me against the wall and rubbed against me as he spread a thousand kisses on my neck. I cocked my head and took a deep breath when he touched a sensitive area with his soft lips.

"Found it.", He murmured contentedly and started sucking on it. I moaned softly and clawed into his back. I wanted to feel his lips on mine again, to memorize his taste. I grabbed his face and turned it back to me, didn't hesitate for a second and reunited our mouths. Taehyung pushed me a little more against the wall and grabbed my butt a bit harder.

He bit my lip lightly and I slightly opened my mouth when I moaned, which he immediately took advantage of and also united our tongues. It was a struggle for dominance that I would clearly lose. Slowly I felt something hard between my legs and gasped in surprise.

"Sorry, if that's too quick for you, we can stop too...", Taehyung said out of breath, still very close to my face. His breath tickled warmly on my swollen lips and I didn't even think about ending this. In response, I pulled him closer to me again and pulled his shirt up a bit on his back. Taehyung grinned and we pulled away from the wall so he could carry me upstairs.

In the meantime, I worked on his neck and left my love bites everywhere.

When we arrived in my bedroom, he threw me on the bed and immediately leaned over me to focus on my neck again. "I’m so damn attracted to you. I crave you." he growled in his deep voice against my skin as his hands slowly moved under my top and explored my body. He quickly pulled it over my head and looked at me for a while. "Taehyung what are you doing?" - "I'm trying to catch every detail of you." he answered, leaning back down to me. His lips wandered down my neck to my cleavage and opened my bra with his hands. It felt like his hands and lips were everywhere at the same time, my skin burned hot in the places he touched. The comfortable tingle in my abdomen became stronger and I gasped when Tae had reached my pants.

As he continued to spread gentle kisses on my stomach, he opened my pants and threw them carelessly across the room. I pulled his shirt over his head and threw it down to my pants. He took my panties off with his teeth and licked his lips while he examined my now completely exposed body. It was uncomfortable to show myself so naked, but his lustful gaze on me felt good. He climbed up to me again and we kissed passionately as he ran his fingertips over my body. I reached for his belt, which I had successfully opened after some fiddling, and tried to open the button.

But unexpectedly, Taehyung let his fingers disappear between my legs and I groaned loudly. He grinned into our kiss and playfully bit my lip. "Taehyung-ah, I can't concentrate like this..." I tried to make no noise while still trying to open his button. He let go of me briefly to take off his pants himself and I stared at the bulge that could no longer be overlooked. Again he kissed my body until he got between my legs and gently sucked marks on my thighs. "You don't have to concentrate on anything, baby. Just let yourself fall." he said seductively, his lips touching my clit lightly and driving me crazy.

Shortly afterwards, a pleasant sensation ran through my whole body and I moaned loudly when I could feel Taehyungs tongue. "Tae-Taehyung..." was the only thing that could leave my mouth, my hips started moving by themselves and I closed my eyes. The fact that I moaned his name only made him move his tongue faster and harder while he began to use his fingers. He pushed two inside of me, no time to adjust but I didn’t need it anyway. I clawed my hand in the sheet and buried the other in his hair, which exerted slight pressure on his head. Just when I was almost at the limit to cum, he stopped and I looked down at him in surprise. I whined at the loss of contact when he removed his fingers.

"I want to come with you, baby." he gave me as an explanation and I quickly nodded. There was nothing I wanted more than to feel him inside of me. I’ve waited for this for so long that I was almost nervous.He stripped off his boxer shorts and leaned over me.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and looked deep into his brown eyes, which I fell in love with at first sight. "Taehyung, I love you," I said, smiling, and Tae's look looked surprised.

"I love you too, (y/n). Finally you're mine.", he answered lovingly while entering me slowly.

I moaned deeply when I felt his length inside of me. This time I needed a few seconds to adjust, but Taehyung was patient and kissed my neck while he waited for my okay to move. I still felt like I could cum any minute, him stretching me out and his soft lips on my neck while his hands stroked my body drove me crazy. As he started to suck on my nipples I got impatient and whined. “Please move. I want to feel it.”

Taehyung groaned in response and moved his hips back and forth, his eyes not leaving mine. “I love how you look right now. God you’re so beautiful.”, he whispered to me and I blushed, not able to give him an answer, the pleasure too much for my brain to form words.

My fingers were buried in his hair as I moved my hips in sync with his. We both moaned louder when he started to thrust a bit harder, revealing how needy he really was. “T-Taehyung it feels so good I’m close.”, I whimpered, now scratching his neck and gaining a low groan in response. “I can feel it gorgeous, you’re clenching around me. It feels amazing.”, he answered and bit my neck softly. “Cum with me.”

His words sent me over the edge, the pleasure running through my veins as I moaned loudly. Shortly after I could feel that Taehyung was close as well, only a few thrusts away from filling me. I touched his body and marked his neck where I discovered he liked it the most and helped him cumming as well. “God you’re incredible.”, was the first thing he said after pulling me close into his arms. I chuckled and kissed his chest. “I’ve never felt like this.”

“Me neither.”, I whispered and looked up to him. “Are you really going to stay here with me?”

Taehyung nodded fastly and kissed my forehead. “I won’t let anything or anyone come between us. We wasted way too much time the past years and I think we need to catch up on that.” I nodded and sighed in relief. Taehyung wouldn’t leave me. We finally found each other and wouldn’t let go again. “I love you.”, he said lovingly and I smiled. “I love you too, from the very first moment I did and I’ll never stop.”

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shawnpetermuffins · 5 years

Text

I Miss You

A/n: I hope this is good because I put this off for so long wanting to do it justice. And this is based very loosely off I Miss you.

Summary: you two broke up recently, and it's not sitting well with Shawn, even though he's the reason you broke up.

Requested by @it-isnt-in-myy-blood: Hi, I recently listened to the song 'I Miss you' (Clean Bandit, Julia Michaels). Maybe you could write a fic based on the song, angsty but with a fluff ending? Thank you... ❤️

***

Kinda_yourname

2,158 likes

Kinda_yourname Cabo sunsets >>>> anything else

•

It may have only been a week, but I'm missing it here! 😭

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I shut my phone off and toss it to the end of the bed. I should have been with her on that trip, but tour got in the way. I got in the way. It's crazy to think that if you asked me three weeks ago, I would have said that my girlfriend and I could overcome any obstacle thrown at us. But ask me again a week later, and I would tell you I was wrong. That being away from her for months at a time was too much for me and I broke it off because I thought it would be what was best for both of us in the end.

Now ask me if I still believe that.

I don't.

I haven't told anyone about us yet. I mean, everyone probably suspects because there haven't been Amy preshow FaceTime calls for good luck, and I'm not texting like a madman during dinner or when we're on our way to the venues. And I know she hasn't said anything to anyone either. How? Because for one, she hasn't blocked me on any social media - I know, I've checked at least ten times just within the last two hours. And two, she hasn't deleted the three pictures of us that she has on her Instagram. They're still there for everyone to see, me included.

Now my fingers are hovering over the keyboard and I'm staring at her name on my phone which is still My Love 😍, and I'll probably never change it. Because she is my love, and to strip her of that title because I'm an idiot just isn't fair.

Hey... I miss you

I type and backspace and type and backspace at least ten times. Because I want to text her. I want so badly to text her, but what if she doesn't want to hear from me? I wouldn't blame her if she didn't want to. I was the worst. Breaking up with her over the phone, no less because I was hurting being away from her. Never once did it occur to me that, yeah, she was hurting too. Or maybe she's with someone else. Maybe she's found somebody new. I want her happy, sure. But I selfishly still want to be the one that makes her happy.

Y/n I miss you.

I delete it one last time and open my photo gallery. I have an album saved for photos of us. Photos that I never got to post because she wanted to keep us as private as possible without being a secret. Which is why both of us only have 3 photos of each other on our Instagram. One for our six months, a year, and a year and a half. Two more months and we would have had a fourth picture.

I'm swiping through the photos landing on one I took of her when we were flying back to Canada after our first trip together. We're on a private jet because this was before we went public with our relationship. Andrew made sure that we weren't seen together in the airport or anything. She's sitting in the seat across the aisle from me, legs up to her chest, earphones in, head resting on her knees as she smiles brightly at me. There's another one of us curled up together on this tiny chair in a green room in the UK that Andrew sent me. She's literally curled into a ball on my lap, sleeping peacefully and my legs are spread in front of me, arms wrapped tightly around her body, head resting against the back of the seat.

The next one Brian took. We were at my place for a very impromptu new years party. It was just gonna be me and y/n, but she insisted we invite the guys over. And we did. It was one of the best nights of my life. We're watching the ball drop, with her in my lap, arm around my shoulder. I have one arm behind her back, the other on her thigh. I think Brian knew something was going to happen because at ten seconds to midnight he pulled his phone out and captured out first new years kiss. She's holding my face and I'm practically leaning her back against the couch. It looks like I'm seconds away from crawling on top of her, and it be honest, I probably was. She's just too perfect for me to resist.

Then there's one that Josiah took of us just a few months ago at the studio house. I had y/n on the kitchen counter, she was in these jean shorts that I loved her in and a button up that she'd stolen from my suitcase. Not that I was complaining. It looked far better on her than it did on me. I stood between her legs, my hands on her sides, slipping under the shirt a little bit, leaning her hips exposed. Not that either of u cared with her fingers threaded in my hair as casually as they were. My face is blocked by her figure, but there isn't a doubt in my mind that I was smiling entirely too wide standing between her legs.

The video that follows knocks the breath out of me. She giggling like crazy, but the camera isn't on her, it's on me. On my back, more specifically. She laughs even more when I wince at the feel of her fingers on my red, raw skin that is now home of her fingernail scratches.

"Baby? What happened to your back?" She asked, amused.

"Don't know," I said, turning to face her, my cheeks still holding a slight blush. "But I think the real question is, what happened to your neck, missy?" I pluck the phone from her hands and turn the camera to her where she's trying to cover her face. I manage, however, to take her hands in my free one and the camera focuses on the flourishing bruises that litter her beautiful neck, my favorite place to rest my head.

I close my eyes, the memory of that night filling my mind. Watching her come down from her high, my face still buried between her legs. The weight and cold touch of her hands as she pulled me up to her, into her, because she needed me closer. I can hear myself murmuring the words 'I love you' all over her skin, still remember the way her back arched when I hit the right spot again and again and her finger ran down my back over and over, once more and she probably would have drawn blood. And I may not be home, but I can smell her on the sheets, that constant aroma of warm vanilla penetrating my nostrils. God, do I miss her.

I'm only making it worse for myself by doing this, I know that. But I should feel bad. I lost the greatest thing in my life and I didn't need to. So I got back to our messages, but instead of going to type a new one, I scroll through, reading through our old texts. There's countless paragraphs of us professing our love for each other. Lots of random pictures sent, most from my side. There's conversations about getting a home together, and a dog. And her telling me how much she loves my family and me telling her how much they love her, how much they ask about her. It's all hitting me too hard right now.

And it doesn't help that im literally sobbing at 2 in the morning, in Paris. The city of love. The place she told me was her favorite trip to ever take with me. Where we stood atop the eiffle tower and I gave her a promise ring, a ring that said I would love her and keep her forever. A promise ring that was now probably in the ocean in Cabo because I tore us apart so easily.

I sit up suddenly, struggling to catch my breath. It takes a few minutes, but I'm able to pull myself out of this empty bed that would only be comfortable with y/n laying next to me. I'm scrambling through the room, picking up the pair of jeans I threw off my body earlier and slipping back into them. I find a torn work out shirt in the bottom of my back and push my head and arms through before throwing my youth hoodie over my already overheated upper body. My passport is sitting in my guitar case, and I grab both things without a second thought. My suitcase trailing behind me.

It's difficult booking a flight and carrying a suitcase and guitar all at once, but I get along just well enough and adjust myself in the lobby while I wait for a taxi. I don't text Andrew until I've made it to the airport and am in my seat on the plane, ready for take off.

Emergency... had to fly home. Promise to make it back in time for the Paris show.

And I turn my phone off before he can text or call me back. Because there isn't a damn thing that he could say that would keep me there in a city that's meant for lovers, when my lover is across the world instead of laying in my arms the way she should be.

I know I shouldn't be doing this. I know there is someone out there who is better for her. Someone who isn't constantly on the move. Someone who can come home to her every night and help her make dinner. Someone who can cuddle her until she falls asleep when she's having a particularly bad day. I know there's someone who can do those things.

But I also know that he won't love her the way I do. He won't know all the little things that I do. Like how she only uses a blue toothbrush. Always has. And he won't notice the tiny scar that she has on her right middle finger from when we tried to make dinner together one night and she cut herself. He probably won't know that she wakes up at 3:34 every single night, because she hasn't been able to sleep fully and soundly through the night since she was four years old. And he'll mess up the way she likes her tea, using tea bags instead of leaves. (She like the herbal taste that you get when you use the leaves. And she likes when you do two scoops of them, and two scoops of sugar, but just cane sugar, the rock sugar makes it too earthy. And of course, she drinks it on ice because she hates burning her tongue with hot drinks.)

I'm thinking way too much as I get off the plane, reluctantly turning my phone back on only to see texts from just about everyone I know. They're all asking where I am, but I ignore them, because what I'm about to do is far more important than anything they threaten me with. I have to make things right.

Standing in front of this door that I've stood in front of hundreds of times should make me feel at ease. Remembering all the times I had her pressed against the other side of the door because I just couldn't wait to have her all to myself. But if anything, it's making me more nervous. So nervous that my hands are shaking, palms sweating, my breathing is jagged and I know if I don't knock right now I might never get the chance again and I can't lose her for real this time. So without giving myself the chance to rethink, I knock on the door three times and I wait, handing in the pocket of my hoodie.

I wait a solid thirty seconds, which feel like an eternity, before the door finally opens and I see my beautiful girl. Her face is bare, hair only halfway straightened, and she's in those shorts I love and my old Led Zepplin t-shirt.

"Shawn," my name still sounds like heaven spilling from her lips. "What are you doing here?" She crosses and then uncrosses her arms, shifting her weight from one leg to the other before standing completely straight.

I didn't even realize I was crying until I sniffled and heard my voice crack with just three words, "I miss you."

"Shawn," she shook her head.

"I tried not to," I insisted, still standing like a fool on her door step. "I swear I did. But I couldn't stop. I looked through all our pictures and texts, and I couldn't stop myself from missing you. And I know I have no right to because I broke things off. But I was in Paris and I was miserable because Paris was your favorite place, and that was where I promised to love you forever, and I'm still keeping that promise. I was an idiot," I continue to ramble. "If there's a better word for that, then I'm that too, because I thought it would be easier if I broke things off. This tour was going to be so long and to go that long without each other, I was scared that it wouldn't be enough for you. But it's not what I wanted, y/n. It's not, and I just-"

"Shawn, stop."

I shut my mouth instantly, ready for her to tell me to leave. But what she does instead throws me completely off guard. She pulls me into the apartment and wraps her arms around my neck, burying her head deep in my chest.

"I miss you, too." She mumbles and I exhale slowly, only to inhale that scent that I love so much. The scent that is naturally her. She starts to pull away, and even though I don't want her to, I let her but she only leans back enough to take my face in her hands and before I even have time to blink, her soft lips are on mine and I'm whole again.

She's mine again and I'm never letting her go.

***

Tags: @curlyshawny @shawns-badreputation @anamariel2301 @bbellbagel

This took me longer to write than it should have, but I kinda really like it. I hope you enjoyed and I'll see you Wednesday for more content! 💙

Like, reblog, and leave feedback!!

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes one shot #shawn peter raul #shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes smut #smfsource

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wakandascrystal · 6 years

Text

The Nanny

Pairing - Erik x Black!!reader

genre - Angst, jealousy, fluff etc.

summary- When a job opportunity that you couldn't miss comes up you choose to leave your husband and kids with help to cater to them through the 4 months but as soon as you return it seems like mommy has been replaced.

A/N - I wrote on and from my way to school sorry if it seemed rushed

“Nah...Hell no. You ain't going.“ Erik shouted as he held the letter from your firm in his hands. “Did you even read past the first line.” “I don't need too. Don't have too. They can find someone else who doesn't have a life to take care of there messy war stuff for them..” “Erik...you don't understand. I need this. If.... If I win this case I will be helping people.... This is a big opportunity from me..for us.“ He scoffed getting up to slowly power walk around the kitchen. “What about the twins and Nala. You gonna up and leave me alone with them as well.“ You wanted to curse him out. how small and selfish can he be. Erik was being ridiculous. He knew this is what you were working up towards. You were Very good Lawyer but taking on an international case like this one Erik was holding in his hand would solidify your foot in the door with the big boys but Erik didn't see that. You took off your apron and held his hands trying to make him understand how much you needed this. He couldn't look you in the eyes- that's how angry he was. “Baby it's just 4 months. I'll be back. It not like am leaving for a whole year.“ he let out a breath. “Erik this is big. Huge! Other lawyers dream to handle a case like this and I was chosen to do that. My hard work is paying off baby. Am going to the UN…..the fucking UN…..A black women at the UN ...do you know how good that looks for us...for the black community. Listen they can call me whatever they want to but when am done they won't be to help the fact that the baddest black bitch in law saved the world.” Erik couldn't help but smile looking away from you. He loved it when you were passionate about your job but he didn't want you to leave either. “And I won't only have the support of my peers but also the loving support of my Husband….” It sounded more like a question but Erik didn't catch on. “Okay let's say I do let you leave for 4 whole ass months….How am I supposed to manage the kids? I know am a good father but I don't know their schedules and play dates and diets. All I know is that Aaden and Kwezi don't eat seafood.” You couldn't help but blush at your husband. He was thinking about. You could tell. That all you wanted. “First of all your an amazing Father and Don't worry I have a plan. What you thought I was going to leave my babies stranded. Not this Momma. I went on this certified site on the internet and found a nanny.” “(Y/N) You know how I feel about you and the Internet.” “It's nothing like that E. She's perfect I interviewed her a couple of times last week. We had brunch and we bonded. I showed her Our schedules, Important dates and am so lucky no one's birthday is soon.” You went back to the stove to check the curry you were cooking for dinner. “Don't worry Baby I told her about your basketball team and that Nala has dance class on Wednesdays and Fridays. That grandma comes to visit on the weekends and that you Elijah and Jordan and them have poker night every Sunday and that she should prepare snacks. I also told her the boys play soccer and football and that we…-” You felt Erik's strong arms slip around your waist. He back hugged you placing his chin on your shoulder. “Damn....Am gonna...miss you” Your heart dropped. You turned to meet his gaze. “I'll be a phone call away. You know this.” Your voice was softer since he was so close to your face. “And we got 4 days before I leave.” Erik lifted you and started kissing you on the kitchen counter. He moaned into your mouth and you lost your mind. He didn't waste time pulling your dress up and panties down. “Erik...the kids ...are upstairs..they ...can come down anytime and see.” You tried to form a sentence as he kisses your inner thighs. Planting wet kisses that were turning you on. He spread your legs wider and went it, dragging his tongue on your pussy and skillfully sucking. Your moaning got louder and louder. “E...E!” “Mommy are you okay?” Your legs wrapped around Eriks face so quickly so that Nala wouldn't see her father face between her legs behind the counter. “Hey, baby. You up from your nap.” Your 5-year-old daughter rubbed her eyes and yawned at the top of the stairs. He curls all over the place she pouted. “Mommy I'm hungry and ...Aaden and Kwezi Are playing with Daddy's shoes again.” You felt Erik twitch between your legs. He hated how the twins put on his Jordans on and play around with them. “Baby go tell the boys to leave daddies shoe alone before I come up there..and tell them to get ready for dinner.” The sleepy little brown girl ran up and did as you said...Gave Erik enough time to give you a mind-blowing orgasm. After lunch, you sat the kids down and told them what would be happening. The twins were really not that bothered . They maybe thought you were going for a weekend and coming back like you usually do but Nala sat on your bed holding her Tiana princess doll with tears in her eyes. “Mommy cant I come with you. I'll be good I promise I won't make a mess of things.” You heart dropped when her tears fell. “Nala I'll be back sooner than you know.” “But whos gonna braid my hair and help me pick pretty clothes to wear.” “I have someone very special for that and when mom’s done saving the world. Daddy is going to take us to Disneyland.” Your promise of the trip did nothing. She still looked sad “I will always be here and i will always love you okay.” She nodded and wiped her tears away. After you put the twins and Nala to bed Erik helped you with packing for the trip. He was silent the whole time. Handing you all your old and ugly granny panties thinking what the hell you need your red lace g strings for. You packed for about 1 months worth of clothing the rest you would buy on the way there. After the awkward packing section with Erik. You offered him a back massage. He didn't answer you with a yes but you knew he wanted it. After pushing him on the bed and oiling up his back you started kneading him it with your scented vanilla and strawberry oils. “You tryna make me miss you more.“ You bite your lip trying to hold back a laugh. “No...I do this every week E. What makes this message any different ?“ “Now you leaving...You gonna leave me for some French Nigga? “ A wave of emotions came over you. You were angry and pissed. Why would he think that? “You really think I would do that to you?“ You didn't stop bring your pressed thumbs down his back. He didn't answer.

“I dont know the African soccer players there... They might steal your ass from me.“ “Erik! You really think I would throw away my kids and husband for a man I don’t even know??“ He jumped slightly shocked by your outburst. “Damn baby, Chill.“ “Don't tell me to chill when you laying here calling me a cheater.“ His eyebrows pulled together, confused and mostly worried. “It was a light-hearted joke (Y/N).“ “Don't joke about that.“ You uped and rolled off his back. Power walking to the bathroom your eyes started watering. The reality was starting to hit. you were going to be away from Erik and the kids for 4 months and a meaningless joke got you triggered like this. Seeing your young daughter’s eyes wall up broke your heart. You have no choice you already committed yourself. Erik later followed you into the bathroom leaning on the door frame. "It's going to be okay. I can't believe I'm saying this but.....Am proud of you.” “You know me so well you can tell am nervous.....“You gave him a nervous giggle trying to wipe the tears off your face. “Yeah come on lets sleep. The sooner you go the sooner you come back“ He slowly drifted of to bed and you tucked him in planted a kiss on his cheek. That's when you started sorting your papers and work files, pulling out your laptop checking emails with your partners who were across the country. Your flights and Hotel bookings had been sent to you. Your Rep in France had emailed you saying how the cases were proceeding and how many people would be involved. After sorting that out you went to bed and cuddled into Erik's arms. “Am going to miss you too..“ you said softly between his light snores.

The day arrived and you were over prepaid. Dressed in a pair of blue jeans and a black cut of top you stood in front of your family. Your luggage surrounding you at your feet you tried to make the mood less depressing as it was. “Don't worry too much okay. I will phone daddy every day and I can speak to yall like I do every day. We can facetime and skype.You can still tell me about school and soccer practice ...don't be shy and Nala please take care of daddy okay. And boys leave daddy's shoes alone. I mean it.” Your small daughter was in Eric's arms fighting back tears again but lucky the doorbell rang distracting you from the sad scene. “She’s here”You opened the door and let in the new housekeeper. She was dressed in Vans a dress and a light cardigan. Her curly hair was tied up and she looked pretty and youthful but mostly happy and excited. She was Cuban but her voice was very much New york.“Okay everyone this is Frida and she will be helping while I'm gone. Please respect her and listen to her..am talking to you two .“ You pointed to Aaden and Kwezi “Okay mommy,“ they say in unison. “Frida this is Aaden and Kwezi and this is Nala.” They waved but didn't smile “And this is my husband Erik.“ After everyone met everyone and you showed her the house and how all the appliances work .You also gave her the needed advice then your shuttle to the airport arrived. You kissed Erik goodbye as he helped you with your bags and that was it..you were on your way to Paris. It was tiring, gruelling and testing emotional time for. You had to stay up drinking unhealthy energy drinks just to keep your energy levels up to come up with new develops to your case. Knowing that people lives were at risking made you even more stressful but hearing Eriks voice would calm you down instantly. You missed your babies. Erik would let you speak to them and make sure they still fine. After seeing videos of women mistreated and being stripped of there children you become worrisome of your little ones but if motivated you and gave you the extra courage you needed.

“You look tired?”

“and you look beautiful.” You couldn't help but blush like a highschool girl at your husband. Facetiming with the different time zones was a bit funny but you managed.

“We saw you on the news today. The kids almost lost their minds, It was for a few seconds but they saw you looked so ...heroic....I couldn't believe that is my baby girl.” You face heated up again.

You knew some news outlets were covering the story but you didn't want to send out an open letter to the world to catch you on the 7pm news.

“I've got a huge team behind me am just the face of this whole thing.”

“Bullshit. dont play that with me am no.-” You heard his door open and a women speaking...It must have been Frida. You understood then waited then

“- Hey baby ...look I need to go call you tomorrow.”

By the time you try stop him the call was over. That was rude and uncalled for. Why did he end the call? did it have something to do with Freya?

You started noticing strange things happening as well.

Erik would miss your calls or if he didn't you only spoke to the kids. The -- Give daddy the phone line was met with a He says he's busy. The distances between You and Erik was growing and he seemed to be distracted.

2 months in you noticed Erik wearing new clothes and when you asked if he went shopping he said

‘‘‘Nah ...This Fri got it for me”

Fri who the fuck is fri last time you checked your house keepers name was Frida. What they got pet names now??

“You letting her buy you clothes??“ You sounded worried.

“Nah it's not like that. She just picked it up by the Mens when we went shopping.“

He saw your face scrunch up.

“Baby you stressed. Wake up and take a shower am going to sleep am tired. Bye“ He cancelled the call. You were starting to get used to him cutting you off like that. Yet you had no time to worry about his actions at the moment.

Days passed and The case was going very well. The enslaved women and their children were relocated in Canada but you and your team had to go back to the states to make things permanent for them and also to start up a self sustaining campaign that will help other women and children. You wanted to tell Erik you were heading to New York but a notification from Eriks friend on Instagram got your attention. It was a picture of Erik with the kids....Very family portrait type of Style pic. He had Nala on his lap and the boys in front of him. You smiled knowing that was the family you were going back to when this messy was over. But ever so slightly to the left of the shot...right on Erik shoulder was a pale arm that draped on him. Erik’s friend had tried to crop out someone but left the arm. After searching and searching and searching you found Freda’s page and there was the full picture. She was right there posing as if she was part of your family. Dressed in a summer dress her arm was around Erik. They looked like a family. They could definitely pass a a family.

This worried you. Had erik replaced you or something...that can't be right. Maybe they were going on a family trip. But why would Erik not tell you.

You were pacing around your hotel room now, phone on your ear waiting for Erik to pick up but he didnt?

You didn't know what to do so you tried your mom.

“Momma you up?“

“Girl do you see the time??“ You missed her voice

“Äm sorry mamma I just need to speak with Erik is he near you. Can you give him the Phone.“

“Near....What are you talking about doll I haven't been By the house since you left.“

“Mamma dont play me right now ..you know you always come to stay the weekends and watch the kids.“

“Well that fancy Freka Freya Frewa whatever the heck you call her said She dont need me and that I should here at the home.“

“WHAT?!?! You dont come cause we need you ..You come cause I want you there. You family The kids need to be near you. That's what I want....So you telling me the past 3 months the Kids haven't seen you.“

“That what i said doll“

“And what did Erik say.“

“Oh Chile“ You couldn't feel her roll her eyes

“That no backbone having ass negro has been a yes man to that women since you left.“

“So whos be taking you to the hospital for you check ups.“

“Nah i have the one Saint marys home have......“

“Mamma You know I hate the Cheak ups they provide..That's why I work so hard so I can take you to the private hospitals..where they treat you right....Am so angry Mamma. Am gonna kill them both.”

She just laughed but you knew that laugh it was the one filled with sorrow.

You were ready to give Erik a piece of your mind. How dare he neglect your mother. Let other women buy him clothes.

When you landed in NY. You tried to be calm and level and it worked. No one noticed the breakdown you were having inside. You wanted to go home and strangle your husband. Thoughts like those weren't really good for a person but one night holding your phone up in the air you waited for Erik to pick up. He didnt but you were greeted with Khwezi’s face. You couldn't help but melt

“Mama.Hello?“

“hey Kwezi how are you?“

“Am good. I scored twice today at soccer practice. You didn't hear this from me but am going to be a soccer legend.“ You giggled at you over dramatics son

“am very proud of you baby. Where’s Aaden?“

“Him and daddy are out For a bit. Freya wanted so Japanese or Vietnamese food so they getting it for her.“

The only place that served Japaneses food was the next town which wasn't that far but was still too far to just go for a housekeeper. What made it worse was how late it was.

“Okay how is Daddy been lately? Yall being good like I asked.“

“Mom, Dad has been amazing he let Aaden get earrings in his ears I was going to get them to but you know me and pain aren't really vibing right now.“

You stopped breathing. How could Erik make such a decision without your say. Give the boys freedom to do what they want on or to their bodys was supposed to be talked about not him letting them do anything. And his running fucken food uber for the housekeeper now.

“Sooo Hows FrIda?” Your voice changed and your smart son noticed that you were trying to dig.

“Why? What's in it for me?“ You rolled your eyes. This one's definitely Eriks son.

“i dont know maybe I might buy you the new PS4 accompanied with any 4 games of your choice“

His eyes blow up

“Okay. Let me go to a more suitable spot.“ After 5 minutes of him running he was back facetiming you. You notice the background to be his and his brother tree house.

“Okay mom, frida has taken over. I mean big time. She don't cook what you said she must and our school lunch is not what you said it should be either.....And Nala hates her.“ You took full offence. You sat up and he noticed.

“Wait before you say anything just listen. She asked dad to change around some furniture and she's stays with dads friends during poker and plays with them. And daddy took her out ...without us. Leaving us with his friend ”

Your little snitching may as well told you they were fucking... Your blood was running. It took you 1 years to get a conversation going with your crush Erik in Uni but this bitch has his attention within a month and his taking her on dates. Not that Erik is anti social it just that he doesn't fuck with a lot of people. That show he is. Or has he may be changed.

“Kwezi get out the cold. Go bath and tell daddy to call me when he gets home.”

“Okay I miss you. We all do.”

“I miss you to. Ill be back soon.“

He didn't call you back that night.

2 weeks left and you were free to go home and reclaim your household. That night before going to be interviewed about to success of your case. You face timed Erik. You didn't expect him to answer but you did. “Erik Baby am so mad at you right now?“ “....What happened? I heard you won the case.“ “yes but it's You. How are you gonna tell mamma to not come and be with the kids?“ “What ?? She said I said that. That's funny cause I remember her telling me You said she should stay away while you away... “ “Why the fuck would I say that E. I always what my mom to be with us on the weekends.“ “Well, I don't know Cause Frida told me you changed her mind and sent her a text.“ What... It made sense. That bitch was trying to get rid of you. Steal your man and take your kids. But You didn't have time for that. “Erik am coming back soon... Like in a weeks time. I heard you took her on a date as well you left my kids unsupervised.” He sighed “first Sean was with them and no it wasn't a date it was her Birthday I was taking her out for a stake.“ “I don't care if it is her anything you don't do that... when I come back And ama need her out when I come. “ “What's the hostility about.” “No hostility just me wanting my life back. I will also...Erik, what's that on your neck?“ The red blush marks on his neck were all of a sudden highlighted now that you noticed “Oh yeah.....this.... i...I hurt myself.“ “...Why are you nervous...“ he let out a sight “Why are you drilling like I did something.“

Why are you drilling like I did something.“

“Why do all our face times end with us fighting and you cutting me off.“ “I....I don't know “ Erik’s I don't know really meant I don't want to have this conversation anymore.

“See you when I get home then.“ For the first time, you hang up on him. You thought it would feel good but it didn't. You felt like shit and you were losing your husband.

You had taken a shower and wiped your fresh tears off your face when you started scrolling Instagram. You went on to Frida’s page and she had posted a semi-nude selfie of herself. The roundness of her breast just behind her arm. Her curves refected of the mirrors and shower glass. She pouted her lips and curled her hair her neck sprinkled with red heckey. But something was a bit off...the gold sequence in the background of the bathroom tiles seemed so familiar to you

The black tiles and with the golden finished that she had tried to blur up looked very much like your own bathroom. You didn't want to be rude but there was no way she could have a bathroom like that. Erik almost killed you when he found out how much you were willing to spend to decorate the house. most of it was in the Bathrooms and the kitchen. You spend most you time in the bathroom and kitchen why not make them look expensive. So there she was standing naked in your bathroom taking pictures. You felt so disrespected and humiliated.

“This can't be.....He got hickeys and she got hickeys and she's naked in my bathroom. Mama ain't around. She buying him clothes. She's in family pictures and hangs out with the Eriks friends....“

You didn't want to think about it but maybe Erik was being unfaithful. The rude way his been speaking to you and he's been so quick to defend FrIda too. No matter what happens moving forward your first priority was your children now.

What would you do?

Tags : If you didn't want to get tagged am sorry.

@thebeautysurrounds @hearteyes-for-killmonger @imaginewhoever @myboyfriendgiriboy @sweetsexysavagery @killmoncoochie @killmongersaidheyauntie

#killmonger #erik #erik x reader #black panther #Erik Stevens #Erik killmonger x Reader #tchala #mbaku #e

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soldierallen · 6 years

Text

Married. 6

Warnings: crying, arguing, few curse words, asking for sex?.

Featuring: Sebastian Stan, Henry Cavill, Anthony Mackie, Chris Evans, Alexandra Daddario.

A/N: thanks for all the love and support I really appreciate this and all the love that has been giving over these weeks also something funny Henry cavill is coming out with a new movie his costar...? Alexandra Daddario! We love that for us I actually really love Alexandra Daddario and she's SUCH A villain in this series but hey you have to have one

Part 5:

As he got into the car and drove like a mad man he was so angry he wanted nothing more than to break her heart like she broke his fiancé he felt he couldn't take it anymore when He got there and had to walk up that flight of stairs...

○○○○○○○

"Did you have to get an apartment with stairs and also live three stories up" Sebastian said holding a box filled with books/magiznes

"Listen asshole, it's a cheap rent and I don't have a lot of money, Daddy's trustfund doesn't exist for me like it did for you" she rolled her eyes at him

"Okay listen that's absolutely not my fault my step father is loaded I'm his only son" Sebastian said with a smirk on his lips he eyed y/n up and down from behind her

"You're an asshole" Henry said right behind seb with a box in his hands

"I totally agree Seb shut up" Anthony said holding a box and it sorta falling he quickly grabbed it

"Anthony do not drop that box sebastian's mothers vase is in it" she said everyone rolled their eyes they hated that ugly vase but it symbolized "purity & forgiveness"

"Chris" she yelled out as everyone walked up the stairs not hearing Chris or seeing him

"Yeah I'm getting tired" he yelled, they finally got to the last three steps into her apartment

"I hate these damn steps, how long have you been living here" Sebastian said putting the box down in her place taking the back of his hand and wiping his forehead like a jerk.

"Its been 20 minutes you asshole" she laughed, he pulled her in them facing each other both out of breath "You're always here for me I can't deny how grateful I am for all four of you" she said trying to catch her breath from the stairs "whenever you need me, I'll be there I promise." He said with a light in his eyes.

○○○○○○○○

"Sebastian" Y/n said she wasn't prepared for him to be in her home in the first place.

"You've got some nerve" he was pulled out of his memories, not even realizing he knocked on her door

"What?" Her voice got high not excepting those words to come out his mouth he welcomed himself in being angry he didn't want to be but he was.

"You threatened her that you were going to ruin the wedding because you're in love with me" he said using his arms to get his point across he was mad in the car however He never wanted to ruin things between them.

She was flabbergasted, the words he spoke took her by such surprise she actually took a step backwards, he knew her feelings and didn't even care to talk about them to?

"Do you really-" her words not coming out properly "what did she say to you?" She closed the door to her apartment turning around and facing her

"You're not coming to the wedding because you're going to ruin the wedding! You're going to throw away our friendship because of your feelings?" He yelled getting angrier by the seconds

"Hold on you're gonna throw all of this on me that it's my fault?" She yelled loudly her apartment walls felt like they were shaking

"Since the beginning i knew you hated her I didn't know why until now...you're just a selfish little cry baby that can't take rejection" he never wanted to show her this side of him, his anger was pouring out of his ears his face turning different colors as he spoke, her heart was demolished at this point.

"I can take rejection, but I bet you can't take not being good enough because guess what your "wife" cheated on you, and she has been for months" her words steadily coming out like knives she didn't know she had it in her to be this devious keeping these lies for so long.

"She'd never do that to me you're a liar" not excepting those words to come out her mouth, his face soften trying to understand

"for months she's been leaving your HOME to cheat on you with another man how does that feel" she said feeling the heat rise in her entire body

His thoughts were racing

"No you're lying stop you're just trying to break us apart" He said his anger flooded his mind once again she handed him the check that was already in her pocket she pulled out her cellphone as well

"She gave this to me to stop talking to you, she threaten my job, our relationship" he sat down them both next to each other as he read the check, his eyes he felt were deceiving him

he insisted she was lying "No this is fake you're a lunatic!"

"Her "cousin" "Peter" is actually a man named Robbie she stood at Henry's hotel to stay with him for the night, she got caught and came home that night because of us" she said her voice not raised anymore they didn't look at each other they looked Straight ahead at a blank tv

"I have proof of all of it, I have witnesses I wasn't going to tell you if I didn't know and than yesterday I got her confession, Sebastian you can't marry her I forbid it"

"Let me hear it" he stared blankly with no emotion showing he took his leather jacket off, getting himself ready

"Sebastian take precaution before you liste-"

"Let me hear it"

She turned on her phone unlocking it going into her apps and pressing play

"Tell me one thing, why are you leading him on like this why are you... destroying him like this Sebastian could have such a full life"

"It's like playing with toys, you have the one toy you love bring it everywhere with you show it off it means the world to you without it you don't know what would happen, but then you come home and you see that one doll you bought awhile ago it's not the prettiest in the bunch, if anyone knew you liked the old doll better they would call you a hoarder you don't want to be a hoarder so you throw everything out and only have the nice pretty thing in front of you but right behind your closet door sits the doll you've loved your entire life"

His head spinned he wasn't sure how to take this, he felt his chest closing in on him she put her hand on his bicep "seb please" she begged for him to let out his thoughts he stood up quickly

"do you realize what's going to happen to me" He said she sat still looking up at him as he freaked out

"I bought a house with this women, i-i spent thousands of dollars on a wedding I still am in love with her I came here to stop you...not to stop my own marriage" he felt like he was going to be sick.

"And you're still going to marry her..." She stood in silence awaiting his reply.

"Do I have another choice" he said, he felt the blood in his vains run cold.

"Yes Sebastian you do have a choice! you can't marry her you can't do this to yourself and to me" she was going to cry she felt that ball in her throat it was going to happen soon

"I can't stop now, too much time money and sweat went into this I can't just give up" His words were final. he felt like he was going to cry as he put back his jacket

"If you marry her Sebastian, I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you... after all this time and you still haven't seen what she is I showed you so much evidence and its STILL NOT GOOD ENOUGH I'm never good enough for you" she was crying, and he tried so hard not to but a few tears landed on his shirt

"I don't wanna lose you you're a part of me; you're good enough you're best women I've ever met in my life" he said he felt like he was losing a piece of his personality, his life. Her

"Than don't marry her, we'll figure it out we'll fix this seb" she cried wiping her tears "we can't fix it" he cried "something broken can always be fixed" her words came out, he nodded his head he turned around and walked out the door shutting behind him she threw the pillow that was in her arms length at the door tears poured out of her eyes she was so mad and angry she didn't know what to do with it she laid on her floor in a ball crying for hours, her thoughts in her mind was only

Why doesn't he love me? Why am I not good enough? He knows she's a cheater and he's still going to marry her?, more questions and what if's sat in her mind making her cry that night she cried herself, that night Sebastian screamed and yelled at the top of his lungs crying out all of his frustration on the hill he fell in love with y/n at, no other person would ever compare to her he thought why am I still going through with this? What is wrong with Me? He cried and cried trying to figure out why he was like this he texted his friends telling them everything that happened.

Today had made 2 days until the wedding, her friendship with Sebastian no longer existed, it was 12pm she woke up in tears once again she hated everything wanted to see nobody, "why am I not good enough for him"

"Y/n open the door" Henry said knocking loudly she laid on her floor still from the night before crying

"I am here to so is Chris" Anthony said he let out a breath ready to talk to his best friend about his other best friend who is a fucking jerk.

"I don't wanna see anyone please go home to your families and leave me alone" she said muffled in a pillow as her crying made her face swollen, her eyes throb & body weak.. it's never been like this before heartbreak as never felt like this before.

"I don't have anyone you're my family, you know that sweetheart we love you please open the door" Henry said in his sweetest voice, Henry knew her weakspots

"I hate you for making me feel bad when I already feel bad" her face was squished up against her pillow on the carpeted floor fully clothed from the night before shoes and everything

"Open the door" Chris said she got up and unlocked the door the three men walking in her body shaking as she made her way back into her positioned

them three always made themselves at home at her place

Chris turned on the tv and sat next to her Anthony went to the bathroom and Henry fixed himself a bowl of cereal

she laid her face into the carpet instead of the pillow from previously, her body curled into a ball she's never felt like this she started crying again "Downey wants to see me at the office tonight but I have absolutely no strength to get up or be a human" she cries her breathing not catching up with her cries

"Hey" Chris said rubbing her back "I can't breathe I feel like I can't breath" she said "I know" he said Anthony came out the bathroom and sat next to her as well she put her head in his lap

"Anthony, what am I gonna do" he pushed the hair out of her face she sniffles looking up at him "What we always do Get through it, We love you he chose to marry her and ruin your friendship he's an asshole who doesn't deserve you" he said Henry and Chris nodding along to what Anthony said

"You deserve friends who are going to be there for you through thick and thin we'll always be here for you no matter what"

"Henry you had that date" she realized getting up half way "I cancelled" "and Chris you had the wedding arrangements with jen" "pushed it back" "Anthony the game" "over early"

"You didn't have to-" Henry put his finger on his lips for her to be quiet she rolled her eyes at him still tears falling rapidly she couldn't stop crying

"We're always going to come, you introduced me to my wife she knows Jennie knows you and whoever Henry gets married to in the future is going to have to deal with you too, you're a part of us our sister always" Anthony said

"don't give up on us" Chris patted her leg for reassurance "I'm sorry" she apologized for crying

"Hey you haven't had a good breakdown in a while" Chris laughed she tried to smile through the tears she sat upwards not laying on Anthony, Henry finally done with his food he came in the living room, sitting on the floor with us "I have a meeting with Downey at 5"

"I'll help you get ready later like old times, seven hours until than relax okay" Henry said kissing her temple trying to soothe her as much as he could

"I love you guys" she sniffles making Henry give the softest smile he put his head on her shoulder "we love you" Chris said rubbing her back still

They all sat together for one hour not one word spoken watching episodes of friends not saying a word to each other Henry ordered Chinese and everyone mostly ate in silence except for a small debate about football coming in contact for a few minutes, she just watched them she knew nothing about sports not because nobody would teach her she just wasn't into it, she sat and realized to herself this is my family I wouldn't be in this place this life without them and the influence they've brought in my life

She got up and cleaned whatever mess was made taking a shower and got ready for a meeting with Downey Henry helping her guiding her along the way he sa outside the door waiting for her "hurry up" he knocked on the door knowing if she stayed any longer she'd start thinking about him

"You're all welcome to stay as long as you want" she put a key on the coffee table "lock my door" she hugged the men they hugged back "watch yourself pay attention to the road no texting and text me when you get there so I know you're okay" Henry said letting go of his hug shoving his hands in his pockets

"Of course, don't buy porn on my cable" the boys laughed at her joke walking out

Maybe she wasn't going to be a mess anymore he was finally out of her life, no more arguing or being a shoulder to cry on, however her feelings were never gonna go away she's never been in tremendous love before she looks at him she gets butterflies when she touches his hand she feels sparks. Why couldn't it be her.

She got into her car, she sat there crying.. why do men treat me like this? Am I just a pawn in their games or what?

Sebastian woke up in his bed next to the women he was marrying in two days he wanted nothing from her or her anymore, he knew the truth she was cheater a liar

"Why are you staring at me" she said with her eyes closed

"Just admiring what a manipulative person you are" were the words he wanted so badly to come out his mouth but the real words were "just admiring your beauty that's all" he fake smiled and she opened her eyes kissing his lips he didn't recopcaite

"Seb is there something..wrong?" She paused

"No everything's great just.. fine" he got up to go to the bathroom when she pulled him back "come on let's break in this new bed" she snuggled into his arm "I'm really not in the mood for that"

"Oh come on seb please"

"I said no" he gently took her hand off his arm and went into the bathroom, he wanted nothing to do with her why is continuing to do this to himself??

Tagged: @hiddlestonstansworld @lovely-geek @imcalledflorence @misz-adrii @escapistdreamer-wishfulthinker @someplxce @cuddlesforlashton @coffeebooksandfandom @weasley16 @ilovethewayyourheartbeats @vogueworthy-barnes @xeniarocks @thisismysecrethappyplace @racheo91

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian #anthony mackie #chris evans #henry cavill x reader #sebastian stan fic #sebastian stan imagine #stan #alexandra daddario #henry cavill #henry cavill imagine

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sashank-kanchustambam · 4 years

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Cliché Love 3

EPISODE 3: Vibe-Killer March

RAVNEET

"I don't want labels" is the dumbest thing to say. Imagine your mom saying that she doesn't want the label of 'mom'. Or your dog barking that he doesn't want the label of 'dog'. Isn't it dumb? Then why isn't it considered dumb when it comes in the context of a romantic relationship. When we're doing everything that boyfriend-girlfriends do, why can't she call me her boyfriend? It's fine though. I'm happy with what we have...I guess.

I love Tuesdays. Just one 9 AM class and I'm done for the day. I sit at RINGELS, my favorite dining hall, hoping that no one I know shows up. “Ravneet...Neet... Ravneet ” I heard a familiar voice scream unusually loud. I felt like a broken dream. I lifted my head up to see who it was. Rebecca it was. Arya's roommate Becca. She's hella fun. My broken dream got joint again. “What's up boii” she screamed. I stuck my hand out for a shake hand. She somehow turned my normal, cliche, formal shake hand into a cool one. She let my hand stay there and did some cool shit around it. Such a cool human.

“Oof!! That's crazy” I said. “I am crazy”. After talking for a few minutes she asked "Want to smoke a joint?" . I never did drugs before that. It felt like a good time to debut; so, I went with the flow. We sneaked out.

ARYA

Commitment can be a bitch. Once you have the tag of ‛relationship’ or ‛girlfriend’, you can't see that person normally again. You start having expectations. They start having expectations. And your life starts revolving around them. I mean ,sure, they're very important and what we feel for them is very fucking special. But what about my family, my close friends, my TV shows and my whole ass career? That shit is very important too. In fact, if we group all this against that one person... this group weighs much fucking more , and my life has never revolved around only any of these. Then why the fuck should it go around that one mother fucker?

I was walking back from an audition for a play. Hope I get the part. I hear a 'dug dug dug dug' sound of a skateboard follow me. It was Pourush. He's a fun guy; all of Ravneet's roommates are fun . "stop stop stop stop" I said while spreading my hands wide. He braked and smiled. "Oh shitt!! Aryaa!! what's up, dude?"

"nothing much I was here for the audition... Oh wait you're a theatre major right"

"Yeah. I was here for the audition too. I read the play last night. It's dope. You're minoring in theatre right?"

Oh god these theatre people! How do they read whole ass plays in a night?

RAVNEET

I thought that weed probably doesn't work on me cause I felt nothing. It made me cough so much, though . "See you later Ravneet! I have class" I offered to walk along. There was this silence when we were walking; it wasn't awkward exactly, but it was there. She chose the worst question to break that silence.

"So" She gave a gap after that, waiting for me to look at her. "How are things with Arya?" She asked shamelessly. Is it cool? Is it cool to ask people about their romantic relationships? It was too late to think about that. "It's great dude. Like I've never had something like this before you know. It feels really good, And Arya is such a... I don't know I love spending time with her"

"Awwwww!! That's so cute. OOOOOOOO. You're blushing"

I can't control it. Every time I think about her I turn into an apple.

"So you're happy with her then"

"yeah!! but..."

"But what??"

I think I should have kept that 'but' to myself. Becca doesn't take ‛no’ as an answer and I don't know how to say ‛no’. So I blurted my opinion about labels out. After saying the same thing in 4 different ways, I realized that the weed probably was working.

"Don't give me all your bullcrap mom and dog examples...You're just insecure Ravneet"

Her honesty kills me; It took me time to process it. "Huh?" I replied after a very long gap.

"listen! The last time she was in a relationship...like in 11th grade. Everything went downhill for her. She didn't talk to her parents. Her grades fell like crazy. The only thing she cared about was her boyfriend. She didn't like that version of herself. She's scared. She's scared that you'll become her everything. She doesn't want that. And that tart thinks it'll help if you don't name the relationship. She’s not doing this to fuck around"

Okay, first of all. I don't know if the weed was making her do this or if this is how she is. This woman, Rebecca, doesn't understand boundaries. She tells her best friend's personal stuff to someone who didn't even ask about it. She asks a guy she hardly knows about his love life. All that said, I'm glad she said all this. It's weird how seeing stuff from the other person's perspective solves half of the problems.

ARYA

We were walking without a destination in mind. I don't know how our conversation moved from the auditions to my 11th-grade boyfriend; I guess that's how conversations work most of the time. "Is that why you decided not to date-date Ravneet yet". I nodded my head with honesty and a tinge of embarrassment. "Okay, so I know what I say doesn't matter, but listen" I hate it when people say that. Why the fuck would you say it if it didn't matter. "I don't think it was you. I think it was him". What the fuck did he just say? "I think the reason your life was revolving around him was probably because of how she treated you. I know Ravneet really well cause we basically live inside each other. He wouldn't want that for you" This Pourush guy should major in psychology for sure. Things made so much more sense. My ex was clingy even before we liked each other. I was probably attracted to the cling back then.

POURUSH

Someone has rightly said that the guy with the greatest relationship advice remains single all his life.

We walked right into Ravneet and Becca. Coincidence? I think not. Even before anyone could say anything, Arya pulled out the Bandanna from my head (without asking me by the way) and went down to her knees. "Give me your hand Garlic". Eww, wtf is Garlic. Anyways, her Garlic was lost in his thoughts. I've never seen him that lost...he's usually attentive. People tend to go off character sometimes I guess. "Garlic!!" she yelled.

��

REBECCA

Probably shouldn't have let him smoke that much for his first time. "huh??" he responded. "give me your hand" she said. After he stuck his hand out she tied Pourush's bandanna on his hand and said, "Will you be the boyfriend to my girlfriend Ravneet?" I have no idea why she phrased it like that, but it was kinda cute. "What? Who's your girlfriend Arya?" he responded. "I'm asking you to be my boyfriend you dumb bitch". His face froze for a few seconds. After he recovered from that shock he said "yes baby!!" and broke into laughter. Their hands were moving towards each other. "Rockabye baby Rockabye" rang Ravneet's phone, changing the direction of Ravneet’s hand towards his phone instead. Damn it! I was so excited to see them hold hands. "hello" he said. I could see nervous excitement on his face. He ran away like a bullet train that's going reverse, without saying anything. "hug me at least you dumb bitch!!" Arya screamed. He turned around and gave a hand gesture suggesting ‛TOMORROW’ and gave a flying kiss. "such a cutie" she said while blushing.

RAVNEET

There's this international FIFA tournament that I and my gamer friend, messi_69.94, have been winning since 2 years. Literally, none of my other friends know about this. I rushed to his house for it. I can not afford to miss it cause it happens only once a year. It was FIFA time. While beating people all over the world at FIFA, I put my hand in my pocket to get my phone, but it wasn't there. I thought that I dropped it somewhere. I would freak out otherwise. But I was so engrossed in FIFA that I couldn't give a feces. And my mind was moving too slow to care anyways.

ARYA

"HOLY FUCK!!" Rebecca exclaimed.

"what?" I asked

"All classes and Exam are moving online because of the virus dude"

"Corona?"

I seriously didn't know that it was that big an issue. My phone rang all of a sudden. It didn't seem right. Guess what? It wasn't. My mom got the email and freaked out. She booked my flight back to the UK on the same day. "Mom I'll stay here". "what is wrong with you Arya? All countries will go into lockdowns. And the US is in a pretty bad position. Don't be stupid and start packing". I understood my mom's concern and said ‘okay’. I thought to myself that I still have a few hours to spend with Ravneet. I rung him up. 94 calls. 80 text messages. 56 Instagram DMs. 3 E-mails. 0 REPLIES.His roommates didn't know where he was either. He never does this. He usually replies in 2 seconds. This broke my heart. I can never forgive him for this. I got so broken up. I wanted to see him and hug him once before leaving. I deserved that hug. Fuck you Ravneet. Fuck you.

RAVNEET

I woke up and looked at the wall clock. It was 2 PM of the next day. Jesus Christ! I slept for 16 hours. I opened up my laptop to check my Emails. 'Garlic, I'm going back to Manchester today because of the corona thing...Please meet me before I leave'.

“FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK”

I swore after two whole years. It's difficult to make yourself cry. But, once you start it's difficult to stop. Very difficult. Should have said “NO” to the weed.

THE END

#young adult #teenagers #i love him #i love her

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insugarush · 7 years

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Prelude Part II: Wings Tour in Seoul 18th & 19th February 2017---The Process

Masterlist

Prelude Part I

Prelude Part II: Wings Tour in Seoul 18th & 19th February 2017

Part 2: The Process: Bias, Accommodation, Permission, Tickets, Visa, Letters—In that order!

Now that I was an established and a very public Army (my family couldn't fathom my obsession—they still don't—but it was no secret) like everybody else, I was devouring the endless content BTS and BigHit keep us happy with, constantly. 24/7. They would make my day brighter. Bring a smile to my face. Make me laugh out loud. Make me tear up. All in front of my laptop. YouTube was my new best friend and I carried around electronics wherever I went because come on—it becomes an addiction and you start getting withdrawal symptoms when you go even a day without them! I am not the fan-girling type, but boy oh boy, did BTS convert me and convert me hard! They have this special gift of making each and every one feel so up close and personal with them. I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking this..they brought out this protectiveness in me that I only reserve for my closest and bestest friends. I wished the best for them, wished to protect them, wished to do things to help them.

I was so upset when I came across that video of RapMon and Yoongi being dissed by Bfree or whoever the hell he was.

Lets not even talk about Flower Boy Crew or whatever, one look at Kookie’s face on an article that spoke about his mistreatment and I refused to watch it.

It still makes my blood boil. Sometimes, I stay up thinking of ways to exact revenge on those assholes, excuse my French. Ugh. Anyway. Moving on.

What I’m trying to say is, the connection was real and intense and unbreakable right from the get go.

Lets take a moment to talk about biases because it's a rite of passage isn’t it? One has a bias. One loves all 7 babies equally, but one always, always, always has a bias that makes one’s knees weak. It may come as a surprise to you (my name is insugarush after all), but my chosen bias within the first few weeks of being a newborn Army was Jungkook.

He was cute and his moves mesmerized me and there were endless videos about how adorable he is and also contradictingly manly and oh-so-talented and he likes Noonas (yayy small victory there) The Golden Maknae had caught my attention and I was pretty sure that would be it. I remember being annoyed at Suga while watched Summer Package thinking “Why is he so lazy” “why is he so sleepy and grumpy” “Jungkook is so cool” “He hardly even has footage”

This was before, of course, I knew about how hard he worked and all his issues. All older Armys will remember Suga used to get little footage earlier even in variety shows as compared to the rest of the boys, probably because in the pre AgustD era he used to be more reserved and just generally more quiet and not this funny, spontaneous, carefree, fun person we see today (touch wood) (may God always keep him this happy and give him more and more reasons to be with every passing day)

But this is what I tell people. I didn't choose Yoongi, Yoongi chose me. Much like life and fate and other small, inexplicable things that ultimately come together to form the bigger picture. I don't know how it happened, during which show or concert or bomb, but way before the BST comeback, suddenly, my radar picked up on Yoongi. I couldn't look past Yoongi. Everyone else faded into the background and it was just Yoongi Yoongi Yoongi for me. All his charms came to the forefront and suddenly the same videos I watched and got annoyed at earlier now became super-duper cute and I just entered this black hole and just…you get the point. He destroyed me. Ruined me for life. It was 2 weeks of Jungkook and then Yoongi was like “bitch look at me” and I was a goner. He STOLE my heart people. STOLE it. And now its his forever. <sigh>

Sliding into my bias list like.

Anyway. I had made up my mind. BTS was true love. I had to see it till the end. The moment even just the rumours started circulating about their world tour, I promised myself I would attend one of their concerts. I promised myself I would make it work somehow! Do what it takes. Go wherever it’s easiest to get permission. I think that was still around their comeback sometime in October, because there was no official announcement yet.

Once it was announced the easiest target for me was LA. I had family there and visa, and also a fellow Army cousin sister, so it was literally just about booking the flight and getting the concert tickets, everything else would be taken care of, and my parents would be satisfied. This happened on 19th November. As expected it was easy to get permission from my family, and I got super-duper excited because I really thought this is gonna happen! What I didn’t expect was issues cropping from my family there..it seemed they wouldn't be around at that time etc etc…my heart was broken people. Into a million tiny pieces. Its one thing knowing you can never go, but another getting so close to going, seeing literally everything work out, and then having to cut out that dream and throw it away again. My family tried to make me feel better saying there would be a next time and there are so many concerts to come but I was sad. For exactly 2 days. Lol.

Like I said, I don’t give up. For a moment, I considered trying for Newark. Same country, different coast, but I had friends so it might work. Worth a shot! I was desperate. I just didn’t want to give up. The next day I got talking to another cousin whose in Dubai and we decided amongst ourselves that it was now or never. Forget anywhere else, we MUST go to Seoul for this. There would be more concerts, true, but this in particular was a special one! This one had all the boys’ solos and it was a next step, the end of one era and the beginning of a new one and the first concert was in Seoul. We must go. And it HAS to be Seoul because we have noticed the level of interaction the boys have with KArmys (obviously because of no language barrier—though int Armys get their own perks in their concerts)

21st November I booked accommodation online on my credit card. I didn't tell a soul, just me and my cousin, without permission, without tickets, flight OR concert—just pure faith that I need to make this work. The only thing on my mind was---people will flood the city and even if we get permission and tickets and visa, maybe there would be no room for us in Seoul because everything would be sold out! Lol. The mind is funny when it panics. Of course the whole city wouldn't have been sold out! It was a BTS Concert, not Olympics! But in my mind it was just as big, if not bigger.

I made sure I booked rooms that can be paid at a later date, took a wild guess at the dates (we had the tour dates I just booked 2 days before to 2 after) and it came down to $1000 for 2 rooms, max 5 people. Not a bad deal if you do the math!

Permission. Now this was a whole other ordeal. If most of you reading this are from India, like me, then you know this is not normal yet. Letting your daughter travel all the way to another part of the world just for a concert, to watch 7 boys you don’t know of, just doesn’t happen! All I can say is, I worked hard people. I concentrated on not making my parents angry. Doing whatever they wanted. Missed out on things I wanted to do so that I do what they want of me. When I was in sufficiently good books, broke the news to them that this was the goal I was working towards. I’m not the type to ask my parents for things, they could see how badly I wanted this. “No way” my dad had said. “I am not sending you to another country alone just with another cousin sister.” He did get convinced finally when I added desperately that my cousin’s mom might be joining us too (she had no plans but it sort of became a conditional permission) I promised him I would pay for my accommodation, concert tickets and any expenses on my own. All I need from him is permission and air tickets. Lol. This is how we compromise people! I didn’t dare breathe a word about how I had gone ahead and booked accommodation without his knowledge. What he doesn't know won’t hurt him! :P

Concert Tickets. This made me cry. I am not kidding. This was the most stressful part of this entire ordeal. I kept reminding myself how much I love BTS and how this will all be worth it in the end. I give 100% credit to my cousin sister, who btw, hadn't even taken permission from her own folks yet, but worked with everything she’s got to secure tickets.

First we tried the normal way. The date and time were out, the website was in Korean, but still accessible. I got one of my best friends who also happens to be a Korean to help me out. She lives in New York but she agreed to wake up at 4am to book our tickets for us..I filled her in (“BTS? Now who are they? Are you over Kim Hyun Joong? Park Bo Gum too? Good Lord you are not faithful”) We did a trial run before the actual day of booking. We navigated the page, downloaded the app, etc etc. We decided the 3 of us would try and book together from India, Dubai and New York, and whoever gets through, great! I had heard horror stories about tickets being sold out in minutes and didn’t want to risk it. I was fully aware that I would cancel all my plans if I didn’t get tickets.

On the day of the tickets opening up for sale to the general public, I was traveling. In the middle of nowhere. Somewhere around Mysore Palace to be exact. Everyone reading this from India knows we are not that lucky with internet, specially on the highways atop mountains, but I was carrying my stuff. We were out with another family and everyone was very hyped about this. One of the boys had asked me, “Who ARE these people that you’re going all the way to Korea to see?” I am proud to say I made an Army fanboy right there once I made him listen to Fire and then Dope. I prefer making people listen to the songs first so they don’t judge on the basis of appearances.

My throat was dry and my heart was pounding, I had everything ready—laptop, net, credit card. My friend from NY on the other phone with me, we’re all waiting for the sale to open. The minute it happened, all 3 of us on 3 laptops in 3 different corners of the world started frantically trying to buy tickets. We wanted the stands, BTS only. We all made it as far as seat selection page, but after that it just. wont. budge. For all of us! We tried and tried. I thought maybe it's the internet. I did everything I could! But the seats just wouldn't get selected. I saw the seats dwindle IN FRONT OF MY EYES. It went from 300 seats available to 150 available to 50 available to 10 available to finally---sold out. I called up New York and Dubai hoping and praying they have something—nope. Same story everywhere. I wanted to cry. I was just broken. I mean..I had done everything possible, but it just didn't happen. It dint work for all of us! At the same time! What does this even mean?!

I was so sad. Like so sad. I remember everyone trying to cheer me up, and me just reigning in my tears because we were traveling with another family. I couldn't even grieve properly. I just left that to it but refused to cancel my hotel yet. I could cancel in Feb without being charged so I just..left it. Mostly because it would break my heart to do it.

Unable to make the selection after coming this far--^

The next day we got information that some tickets are going on re-sale on the same website at midnight. AGAIN we sat. Again we got stuck at the same place. Again we saw the numbers dwindle and dwindle till they got sold out. Again. Now I was beyond frustrated. How can this happen 2 times in a row?! How have the others got their tickets?! What are we doing wrong?!

I realised too late it was probably a website thing, we should have tried the app the second day. Just didn't strike me till the tickets got sold out again right in front of my eyes! That helplessness and frustration is something I can never forget. And I felt worse when I realized the solution, just 5 minutes too late. Should have used the bloody App.

This time instead of being sad, I was filled with anger and determination. I’m gonna do this somehow, I vowed to myself. This was mid December already. My cousin sister and I started working on finding re-sellers on Twitter and on the Korean re-sale sites. We tried KoreanBuddy, koreanshoppingservice..dude I don’t even remember! I just remember a lot of Korean websites, Google Translate and Stress, that's all. We did our research, checked up blogs on how buy re-sale tickets, what to look for to find out if it's a fraud etc etc. We found a legit site called TicketBay and a bunch of people selling at insane prices ($400 for a $100 ticket) and finally decided on one seller and bought 2 tickets. This is January 10th already..the concert is a month away, and we’re still buying tickets. No one at home knows about this yet. My cousin did all the leg work..many people backed out, many people asked for payments in advance. We got lucky that the only girl we paid in advance turned out to be true, we were desperate at that point and only wanted to score tickets. I had decided even if it's a loss, it would be a secret I would take to my grave. Once we secured that, we became more relaxed. The girl was to meet us 1 day before the concert and hand over tickets, she seemed honest and sent loads and loads of proof before we took that leap of faith! I would strongly advise better decision making abilities people. We got lucky. We sent her money on PayPal, she could have turned out to be a fraud and run away with it and couldn't have been able to do jack..but again, we got lucky.

Just so you guys get a modicum of an idea about how messy this thing was:

Kind of proof to expect:

Trying our luck everywhere:

Being suspicious little bitches because come on--money!

Just an idea of how frustrating it all was:

Then we started actively working on Air Tickets and packing. Now my cousin decided to START getting permission, lol. It was much more stressful for her, she’s younger and it was a long and drawn out process, but she managed finally. Her mom and sister wanted to come along too, so that worked out for all of us! I’m glad I hadn’t cancelled my 5 seater accommodation in December! But Air ticket prices had shot up, and I ended up paying $1200 for my tickets instead of $600, which I could have if I had booked earlier. But I was waiting for at least concert tickets and my cousin to sort out her permission issues!

An idea of my packing list:

All of January was very, very stressful. Trying to find re-sellers is a pain, and trying to figure out if they are legit is even worse. Everyone had their own demands. Some we could and some we couldn't meet. Someway down the line we decided that now that we’re going all the way to Seoul to actually watch the boys, it would be a shame to just go one day. And hence the whole process of looking for more tickets re-started! Ugh. Ugly! But now that at least 1 pair was secured, we were okay with people wanting upfront payments on the day of the concerts and meeting us outside etc etc…worse comes to worst, they would ditch, but at least we would still have our money with us! One girl did ditch us btw. She suddenly stopped replying on 19th morning, on the DAY of the second concert, but thankfully my cousin had another back up contact lined up. Seriously, kudos to her! She managed the tickets on her own.

In total I ended up paying $600 for 2 tickets for both days as late as late as January 16th, that was just me. My cousin paid additional for her 2 tickets! The first pair of tickets we got delivered to my cousin’s friend in Korea, even that BigHit sent out the physical tickets so damn late (10th or 11th February I think?) that our hearts found no rest till the tickets were in our friend’s hands! We picked those for 18th up on 17th night, and additional 2 tickets with upfront payment for the 19th also the same night. Another extra ticket 19th morning, just before we entered the arena for the second day.

A picture of the delivered ticket that finally put us at ease!

It was sticky and messy and oh-so-stressful, I just remember being constantly stressed right from December to February when I actually left. Of course worth it in the end when we got to see the boys, but I strongly recommend downloading the app and using it every damn day if you have to, just get familiar with it (Interpark) so when the time comes you are prepared about how to buy your own BTS tickets at stock price!

I’m glad I got to see the boys but I could have easily saved $1000---which would have meant that much more merchandise or maybe even an additional concert in the nearer countries if I was feeling a little too ambitious with my parents and permission! :P

We hardly had a week to go before leaving for Seoul now, and that was mostly spent in trying out outfits to pack, making itineraries (I have done extensive research guys, please ask me what you want to know, I can probably become a guide in Seoul if I want by now). I listed down things I wanted to do/places I wanted to visit/food I wanted to try, area wise in my diary. Which mode of transportation to take, which card to buy that would work on Subways---etc etc. I sort of tried taking responsibility for this because my cousin had managed all the ticketing mess more or less on her own.

So my last week was spent in that, and the fan project I randomly decided to start. Things actually fell into place so late, that by the time I initiated the fan project there was already too less time to spread the word or go about it in a more organized manner. But thanks to all the lovely, lovely Indian Armys who helped me out so much by spreading the word, sending in their letters and artwork, and even cover page for me, it worked out! I spent the last 2 days in India editing and compiling the book to BTS, I wanted it to look nice and I really, really wanted to take all your lovely words to them. Some of those letters were so touching that I remember feeling like I was intruding by even reading them. Even after I reached Seoul airport, I was working on the book, marking up the letters etc. The final result turned out really nice, actually! I will write a whole other update for that, because the sort of drama that happened there deserves a post lol.

For now, just glimpses you’ve already seen on my Twitter @insugarush:

The pages on which I printed the letters:

An array of things while compiling <omg you guys are SO talented>

The actual book..!

Soo for anyone who wants to know..this entire thing took me about 3 months of insane stress and planning and about $3000 in total, which included escalated Air Fare and Concert Tickets, Hotel Tariff, Visa and even expenses in Seoul. It's an inflated figure and I’m sure you can manage with waaay less if you are smart about your bookings!

A lot of people emailed me when they heard about me going to Seoul for the concert saying how lucky I was. Yes, maybe 1% of it was luck but trust me guys---I worked freakin hard to make this happen. Against all sorts of odds. I could have given up long ago, at the first sign of it not working out, but I kept pushing. What I want to say is…please don't feel its something that will never happen for you. Its just about charting out a way and trying your best. At least give it your best shot! Don’t give up in your head, before you even try, just because it seems impossible. If it really doesn't happen after that, no worries…at least you tried! Even I couldn't have imagined all this would work out. I think about how I was so close to going to LA or Newark---but I’m so glad I pushed for Seoul. It was the culmination of a whole lot of efforts, not just luck..

Me, finally on my way to see my boys!^

Sorry for the long post, and once again, thank you so much for your patience. I know I’m taking my own time, but I want to update properly and in detail! Sorry if this post was too long or boring, send me feedback on Twitter @insugarush and I would be happy to inculcate it in my next posts ^_^

Stay tuned!

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mem-en-to · 4 years

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I just have to post this somewhere. If you do read it please don't reply or anything to alert me that you do. I just have to assure myself of my existence. If you do I might just can't stand it.

It's getting worse

I don't know if this will be a one time thing or what

It might be the stress of starting the second week of university

or that I fucked up the dorm's microwave 3 days ago and still feel guilty and stress (since then I've been making so many mistake I drop the alcohol bottle(broke it), drop a glass of water(luckily it's a plastic glass), spilled the milk on the desk, spilled the smoothie next to the fridge, dropped the clean towel on the balcony(result in having to wash it), tripped and drop some clean cottonbuds(such a waste!), tripped on the way to the bathroom at 2 am and woke the neighbors up on a schoolday)

or even home sick from being away for a week now

or because I was staying inside after graduated and then the covid situation that make me(I chose)stay inside the house for more than 3 months straight(well, I did go outside like once every other week or sth, but I would always go with someone, mom or dad)

I've been dreading going outside since yesterday

I estimated how many food I have left and feel bad(no not bad as in guilty) about having to go out and buy more

I even considered skip some meals and ration what I have left so I could put away going out for even just 1 more day

And I did, I skip breakfast and ration the food

I ate a bit less so I could scrap all the left over for just one more meal

The thought of going outside turned my stomach and I feel tight in my chest

it made me feel.. disgust and a bit of fear? มวนท้อง แหยงๆ อึดอัดตรงหน้าอก

I'm not sure how to describe it how or why

I don't think its talking to people that make me feel this way

I think its just go outside in general? being seen maybe?

I normally would dread going outside for a bit but have no problem in doing it

I would just need some times to come to realisation that I have to(or about to)go outside

Like, if mom just ask me inthe morning if I want to go out this afternoon. My answer is NO. There's no bargaining, except if it is ABSOLUTELY IMPORTANT.

But If she asked me, do you want to come with me tmr? That'll be fine, I might say yes(but I say no more often)

I would have a kind of panic-y thougt and feeling a bit scared before actually going out, like while I was preparing(dress, grab things stuff like that) that is normal

Today it took me almost half an hour after I'm ready to gather courage and actually step out of my room

In that 30 minutes I kept checking again and again of what I have to buy and did I have my all things?(phone checked. wallet checked. mask checked. etc) What about my clothes?(check the mirror) Did I brushed my hair?(proceed to brush it the 4th time)

All the while I also pacing and kept on checking the window for the restaurant near mydorm

It's to see if there're many customers, if there are I would wait a bit more because I don't want to stand around waiting and making awkward glance, an awkward conversation would be better come to think of it.

There. It's not the talking that I'm scared of.

After I got outside I would feel.. tense? anxious? or maybe paranoid or something of that nature I'm not sure

But the feeling would go away soon, often around the time I reach my destination or when I'm doing my task(like choosing btw different brand of groceries or the like)

It's still good, this time

The feeling went away as I was walking around the shop but come back as soon as I got in line, paid and walking out of the shop, which is fine that's also normal

I also have to stop at the restaurant on the next block, I decided to eat there and have a take away for dinner

I chose to eat there because that would mean less plastic you know? doing what I can to help with global warming

Even though the thought of sitting there was a bit.. sick It was fine while I was eating

Because I was doing my task(things)?

But the moment I turned away with a bag of food and my groceries in hand the feeling started to crawl up my spine and tried to curl up in my stomach again

But It's okay I didn't let it

My dorm was right there I could see it

Only a bit further and I'll be safe inside my dorm

But Nooooo

The feeling cling to me

I push it down and didn't let it settle in

My heart was still thudding in my chest even after I got inside my room

I put my things away. stored the food. changed clothes while checking if I breathed normally or not(I did, breated normally I mean or at least I think I did, despite what most people think some of us do research about thingss like this even if or when we haven't been diagnosed as having something plus I did hyperventilated/had panic attacked before or, I think it was)

But after that my heart still wouldn't return to normal and my head is a bit light and spinny still(At first I thought it was the 3 flight of stairs I have to climb but it should have gone by now, I know, not an athletic person)

That was when I realise that there something different, something wrong this time

The nagging feeling I have had since I walked outside is this

I'm more worried and scared this time

There is something wrong

I don't know what to do so I typed this down

Normally It would help make me feel better

And It did, my heart stop beating fast and weird halfway through this

Like my other notes I didn't care much about the grammar or whatever, after all the purpose is to make myself feel better

All right a bit more on this notes

After I finished this I wnt and google 'scared of going outside'

I don't think it agoraphobia or sad that I have although I do have some of the symptomps. I mean I might have one of it but from what I read I don't exactly match with some of both, I'm not scared of crowd(sad) in fact being in crowds make me feel better, the more people the better cuz that mean the less would be looking at me

And I'm not scared of open space(agora) I'm okay with parking lots and I'm not scared of being left alone(agora)

Being with some one I trust would definitely help(contradict with sad but agree with agora)

I'm not scared of public place(sad), Library is one of my sanctuary once I settled in on the new one that's it, Everyone is minding their own business, I could tuck myself btw some old textbook shelves no one would come search and read in silent, peace. Or I could go to the working space, sit on the sofa or choose one of the table and no one would care even if I have 3 thick books with me and sit there for 3 hours straight. I could even strike up some friendly and relatively non-awkward conversation with the librarian on the counter when I checked out some books, there, social requirement of the day complete. Those days that I could do this is so peaceful, I was happy.

Sadly, I had gone to Uni library only once and checked out a book, I still feel a bit uncomfortable to go there, but the feeling of contenment when I get inside would be worth it. Just. Not today. Or tmr, we got a day off for mother day and I might go home with my siblings and come back to next week on Monday or sth. (We have classes online bc of covid)

And after the mini research I feel a dizzy spell hit me

It left me reeling for a few mins before I returned normal

It could be because i stand up too fast or it could be the information in my head that's there something wrong

I don't want to have it, sad, agora or whatever

My self confident/self esttem is shit enough

I can't satnd it if i know there sth more wrong with me

I can't be more of a burden to my parents

I want to make them proud I have to

I choose this path and I know they don't hate it, they even support me on choosing to study art instead of the cliche doctor or engineer(which I hate but is my dad's life I feel so fucking bad I should have like it, I should be better at it and follow his footsteps, but I already made my choice, sometimes I regret it but even if I could go back I wouldn't change it, I can't At least I probably could be a teacher like him, teach younger people, support them I love him, and I hate him I love that he isn't just a good father, he's a good person, a good friend, a good teacher, a good brother, a good son, he's so great I don't deserved him, not me, not my mom, not my brother, not his parents, not his siblings, not that univerity And I hate him, he's always at work when I was younger, came home at 8or9 almost everyday but I also love him because despite that he still tried to make some time for us I hate him because when he started to have less works and came home earlier it's when me and my brother are growing up wanting to stay out and spend time with our friends(I hate myself) I hate him because he's so great, has been since he's young, he's so intelligent and diligent he studied hard and he got scholarship in uni to US And that was 40 years ago how impressive is that? And after he came back with straight A every uni want him but he choose that Uni because they supported him when he needed it and he chose to stay instead of go to better uni purely bacause he's a good person he feels grateful and want to repay the uni, which has shit government I hate it I hate them, there's a few years he's so stress because he has to go to the court several times on several cases and could go to jail because of those peice of shits I fucking hate them If he choose to change uni our lifes would be different I wouldn't grow up there, I wouldn't have friends that I have, I wouldn't be the person I am today and I can't blame him for choosing this. I hate him because no matter what or how much I tried I couldn't achieve half of what he has done and still doing(I hate myself I'm a disappointment) I could have gotten A or at least B+ if I studied more on math, science and sociology, but I didn't. I could have beautiful skin and thin figure if I take care of myself more, exercise more, but I didn't. I could have spend less money on books and those trinkets and save a lot of money, but I didn't, I could have make more friends and get in with the better connection and reputation clique if I conceal some part of myself and pretend a bit more, but I didn't. I could have better resume if I'm brave enough to participate in those tournament and those candidates for manythings, but I didn't. I could have been a better person, a better friend, a better student, a better daughter, but I wasn't[I couldn't be] I hate myself I don't matter I'm a disappointment)

I fucking hate crying, It never help with anything except wasting evenmore time and make my head hurt make my throat hurt of how I hold my noise in and make my eyes hurt and everything's blurry and wet.

I just broke down and typed those long ass paragraph with tears for an hour straigh. such a waste of time I should have done some exercise instead. And now I feel like shit. I know I could still do it but I also know that I won't. I would save this note, re-read it again and again maybe add sth along the way and when it's getting late I would jusst take a shower and goto bed.

At least I've lost my appetite, no dinner mean less calories I take today, skipped breakfast AND dinner? At least that compensate for today exercise(maybe) But I also know that garigarikun in the freeze will disappear into my stomach before bed. I'm such a little shit. I'm ashame of myself.

you know what I could waste a bit more time. Typing this some how remind me of the time I have an argument with my parents in highschool(or was it middle school? the memory's fuzzy)and I had panic attack or at least hyperveintilated afterward. I can't remember exactly what started the argument but I remembered that that day I was having a bad day(worse than normal) the bullying that day was worse I don't know how I acted I just remembered yelling at my father who's stress from long day at work and the court problem, we were yelling(or at least I am) and I did what I usually do. I ran, to the bedroom. I don't(never)want to have a fight with my family. He didn't follow me this time. My mom did. She came talk to me, half soothing half scolding. Saying I shouldn't have yell, I was hurting him by behave like this and after he's tired from work too. She's basically tried to make amend. But in my head at the time she was calling out on my bullshit. Saying I'm being unreasonable. I know that some of what she said is true and I don't want to fight so I tried talking, I said something like you don't understand me, And I tried using some difficult words and lines that could be seen in dramas and such to make her understand. I poured my heart out I even consider revealing the real extent of the bullying. But you know what she said? She said I read too many fictions and watch too many movies and I'm being too emotional I should stop this nonsense right now. I still could recall the feeling when she finished and it get in my head. It's not the ice bucket being pour over me. It's not the fire of rage running through my viens. It's not an arrow straight through my heart, a stab at the chest, or a feeling crawl up myspine. It's blank. blank. blank. blank, blank,blank,blank,blank,blakn,blank,blank, I feel so, so empty. It's just how I used my words, how I tried to make her understand. And this is what I got? I remembered stop talking and stuffed my face on a pillow. She's speaking a few more things but I didn't listen. I couldn't. I was breathing so hard but I think she think i was crying so she patted my back and left. I was old enough to know that's something's wrong I wasn't breating normally even for someone who's crying but at the time I still didn't know what panic attack/hyperveintilated is. I just know there's sth wrong, but I ignore it, I was hurt. I was in pain my chest is so tight(at the time I thought it's because of the pain I was feeling later I learned that it's the combination of that and the pa/h I was having) My thought kept circling around the words she said, I'm being dramatic and such. At least after that I don't want to argue anymore. I came back to myself and got out of the room, more than half an hour later. (Times didn't only flies when you're having a good time huh?, I remembered thinking that)

I think the being emotional/dramatic bit really got me. I can't help it. it's how I'm expressing myself. So what if it looking I was writing some fiction/ fake the words to make it mmore dramatic? That's how I feel.

A breakdown and an empty moment recalling in a day? that's a new record. Normally It would be one at a time and not this soon after one another. Guess I'm really stressed out. I even consider calling some emergencies depression lines but after reading some review saying it's shit I decided not to. I would be in the way of those who really do need it(I'm such a failure) and I'm not good at talking anyways, just look at how tragic it turned out to be each time I do.

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