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from-the-clouds · 1 year

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bad liars (savior complex ii) - joel miller x f!reader

part one | masterlist | song inspo |

Baby, you're a vampire You want blood and I promised...

summary: It's been a month since Joel has last seen you, fully healed since your last interaction. But you haven't spoken...at all. Your radio silence becomes cause for concern when he hears about an outbreak of Infected at the hospital where you work. There's enough explanation in this part that you could read it on it's own, probably, but I'd highly recommend reading part one first to get the full experience. pairing: joel miller x f!reader words: 7.9k warnings: SMUT - 18+ ONLY, minors DNI. (porn w/ plot, unprotected sex, oral, rough sex, dirty talk, praise kink, age gap. dom/sub dynamics.) Heavy angst, multiple POVs, implied drug abuse, alcohol use, canon-typical suffering! Blood mention. Both reader/Joel are insanely emotionally unavailable, and love to lie to themselves and each other! (please dm for specifics if you have any questions). a/n: Ya'll loved savior complex and I'm so happy! Literally don't think I've had a fic get that many notes before, i had so many requests for a part two and because it felt like i left things open-ended enough, this came to me pretty easily! It might be the horniest thing I've ever written and also very angsty (what's new?)....but I think you'll like the ending <3 Special to @ay0nha for letting me yell at you about my writing and to @zbeez-outlet for the wonderful idea.

Joel exhales and runs his fingers through his salt-and-pepper hair – the tips of which were frozen together from standing outside for so long. It had gotten cold out. Very cold. Boston always did this time of year, and because of it, people stayed in, and crime in the QZ dropped, making it a safer place - though that wasn’t saying much.

Of course, the cold didn’t stop him from dealing. It did make his job a hell of a lot more difficult, since FEDRA was bored, out looking for trouble, and didn’t have more pressing matters to attend to. Although today, he must’ve been in luck, because the only sign of FEDRA had been helicopters and tanks that were clearly on a mission, driving to the opposite side of the QZ. Good, he had thought. A distraction.

Joel leans back against the brick wall of the alleyway, pulling the hood of his jacket up over his ears, stares at the ice in the cracks of the pavement. When he hears the crunch of gravel underfoot, he straightens.

The man approaching looks nervously over his shoulder, hands shoved deep in the pockets of his flimsy sweatshirt. Dave, a customer of his for some time.

“You’re late,” Joel doesn’t bother with a proper greeting.

“I know, I know, I got held up on my way here,” Dave answers, immediately beginning his excuse. “They cleared out the hospital because of an outbreak, that whole area was locked down so I had to take the long way.”

“Outbreak?” Joel tilts his head.

“Infected. I guess a bunch of hospital staff got bit. FEDRA had to go in and put them all down.”

Joel feels a distant pang of concern somewhere in the back of his head. “How many?”

Dave shrugs, scratching the back of his neck. “I don’t know, man, that’s all I know. It’s not like they’ll ever tell anyone what actually happened.”

Joel can’t help but think of you. He knows a couple people who work at the hospital, most of them through smuggling, but you’re the only one who he’s really able to bring to mind at the moment.

“So, can we, uh…”

Joel pulls the plastic baggie out from his pockets, fishing out the pills. On his end, Dave produces a wad of credits, his shoulders sagging in relief once they’ve made the trade and the drugs are in his hand. He takes one immediately, shoves the rest in his pocket. “Thanks man, I’ll see you next week?”

Leaning back against the wall, he nods, and watches his customer disappear down the alleyway.

The second Dave is out of sight, Joel’s chest tightens, and he takes a deep breath. There’s no reason why news of Infected at the hospital should concern him. If FEDRA had been called in – they would’ve gunned down anything that moved until it was under control. He knew, better than anyone, that they would do unspeakable things in the name of keeping order. Innocent people probably died, but the dead can’t get infected.

It had been about a month since Joel had last seen you, after he’d gotten beaten within an inch of his life and ended up on your doorstep, and you were the only person that could help. It hadn’t gone at all how he expected it would – at the end of the day, he had been surprised by your tenderness.

Still, despite that you’d let him take you on the edge of your bed, legs wrapped around him, bouncing on his cock, he wouldn’t really say that it changed anything about your relationship. He had actually been kind of afraid that it would, that your attitude towards him would shift to something more amicable.

But you hadn’t spoken to him in a month. Joel had told you he owed you one after you stitched him up, and had anticipated that you’d take him up on his offer pretty quickly. There were so many things he could do for you to make your situation better. Maybe you’d need credits…. Medicine…. Food…. Booze… Pills, something, but you haven’t reached out. You could just be biding your time until you really need the favor.

Still, the radio silence takes him aback. He should be relieved that you aren’t talking to him. But nothing? Even if it’s not about a favor…he wants some kind of confirmation that you’d both made a mistake. After all that, did you really expect nothing from him?

It dawns on him there’s now a chance you’ll never speak to him again, because you’re one of the ones that FEDRA killed. Or worse….you had gotten bit.

Joel passes by the hospital, taking the long way home. Everything is locked down, taped off. There’s a crowd around the place – family members, he assumes, pleading with FEDRA agents for information and getting nothing in return.

“Go home. I’m sure they’ll turn up,” he hears one of them say to a weeping woman. It’s useless to ask for an honest answer, for one of them to actually care.

Joel could go home. He could crush a couple pills, snort them, and quell the burn with a couple drinks. He could fall into restless sleep and wake up the next day as he always did, go about his business as usual. Survive. One day at a time.

Would he ever get confirmation that you’re alive? Because at this rate, he’s not sure he’ll ever know either way.

The feeling is going to linger. He hates it. Were you gone? If you are, he can handle knowing. Its somehow worse not to.

He tries to justify it to himself. You’re one of his solid connections to the hospital, you’d traded with him for medical supplies before. This is business, really, if he thinks about it that way. If you’re dead, he and Tess need to find someone else to work with.

Joel decides to take a detour on the way back to his place.

It’s past curfew when he arrives at your apartment, the sun has long since dipped below the horizon and with that comes an even harsher cold. Boston winters, he thinks to himself. If he is capable of missing anything, he’d say he missed Texas. Before all this, the last place he’d be caught dead was on the East Coast.

Joel raps on your front door. He forgets how shitty your building is, that you sleep here alone every night, listening to your neighbors arguing through the thin walls, shady characters slinking out of shadows in the dimly-lit hallway,

A few seconds pass. When he hears nothing behind your door, he knocks again, a little louder.

More time passes. He knocks again, louder. Maybe you didn’t hear him.

Nothing. He does it again. Could you be asleep? His jaw clenches.

Still nothing, and Joel knocks even louder. Maybe you’re not even here, and you work nights, and he’s just missed you as you head out for another shift. But he knows that’s unlikely. Since he’s known you, you’ve never worked nights. So where the fuck were you?

Joel’s pounds on your door, yells your name into its chipping paint. He listens for something, anything, on the other side, and there’s nothing, absolutely nothing, but he keeps going The side of his fist starts to hurt, but he can’t stop himself. He doesn’t even realize what he’s doing until he hears one of your neighbors yelling from the end of the hallway.

‘Shut the fuck up!’

Joel doesn’t hear exactly where the voice comes from, but it’s enough to snap him out of it. He halts his movements, his forehead falling against hollow wood, and in the silence, hears his heart pounding in his ears.

“Fuck!” he kicks the wall just outside the frame of your door so hard the drywall gives, leaving a hole behind. “Fuck.”

He stares at the result of his outburst for an undetermined amount of time. You were all alone. To his knowledge, you had no immediate family to inform. Who would be around to remember you? He’d never really know for sure what had happened.

“Joel?”

He looks up, his hands still clenched tightly into fists. When he sees that it’s you, standing at the end of the hallway, they loosen.

You look horrible - haggard, tired, your hair tangled and matted. As you move closer to him, he doesn’t miss the way your shoulders are hunched underneath the weight of your backpack. But once you’re standing in front of him, you straighten, lift your chin.

“What is this?” you ask. “What are you doing here?”

There’s no animosity in your tone, he thinks. You might be trying to put some in there, but you don’t have the energy to do so, so it just comes out sounding very flat.

Joel realizes, suddenly, that he doesn’t have a reason. A real reason that wouldn’t….give him away. He puts his hands on his hips, thinks desperately. You do nothing to help.

When he settles in silence, offers you nothing, you just sigh and shake your head. Your teeth are chattering, lips cracked from the cold, and you seem desperate to get into shelter, twisting your key into your lock and opening the front door. Once you step inside, you flick on the lights. He follows you, closes the door behind you both, and locks it.

“Oh, yeah, come on in, I guess,” you say over your shoulder.

Joel crosses his arms, standing in your kitchen.

“What, am I in trouble or something?” you ask. “Because if I am, you’re gonna have to wait until I’ve showered.”

“It can wait,” Joel says, and sits at one of your kitchen chairs.

You shrug off of your backpack and leave it on a chair, then unbutton your coat, tossing it on top. Joel swallows hard when he sees the damage it’s been hiding. Your scrubs are dirty, tattered in some places, one of the sleeves hanging, partially ripped off. And they’re covered in dried blood. It’s smeared on your arms, on the back of your neck. Not yours, he hopes.

What the fuck happened to you? You don’t turn to see his reaction, don’t look over your shoulder to see if he’s going to ask about it. It’s almost like he’s not even there, and you clearly wish he isn’t.

He realizes then, that he has the confirmation he’s looking for. You made it out alive. He doesn’t actually need anything else from you. And you’ve given him a perfect out. He can leave while you’re in the shower.

But he doesn’t. Not when he hears the shower start, or the screech of the curtain across the metal rod, the sound of water hitting the basin. He stays there, motionless, until you duck out of the bathroom with your arms wrapped around yourself, wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants, hair damp and teeth chattering.

You pad with bare feet onto the tiled area of the kitchen, brushing past him.

“What the fuck happened to you?” he asks.

You finally look at him, like you’re surprised he spoke up, or even asked the question. A choked, bitter laugh leaves you, and you shift your attention away from him, reaching into your cabinet for a bottle of bourbon. “Pass.”

You pour yourself a whiskey, and Joel watches you throw it back in one go, your nose scrunching up, your hand clasping into a fist as you take the shot. The taste doesn’t stop you from pouring another drink and gulping that one down, too, without as much of a reaction as the first. It’s only when you start pouring the third that he intervenes, standing and crossing the room to cover the glass with his hand before you can grab it.

“Slow down,” he says.

“I know you’re not telling me what to do in my own home.” Your mouth opens as you look up at him, incredulous.

Joel looks past you, shakes his head. He supposes your right, but it doesn’t make it any easier to watch the self-destructive behavior, which is funny considering how often he engages in it himself. He gives in, removes his hand from your glass. “At least…pour me one. You shouldn’t drink alone.”

Your expression softens slightly, and he’s able to see all the pain you’re hiding, just for a flash, before you turn to retrieve a second glass from your cabinet.

Once you hand him the whiskey, he sits in the middle of the tiny loveseat you’ve got in your front room, expecting you to sit in the armchair across from it. Instead, you approach with your own drink, nudge his knee with your own, and Joel slides over to make room so you can fall onto the couch beside him. Much closer than he’d expected.

It’s surprisingly good bourbon, and he wonders how many times you’d wasted it by downing it like you just had, instead of taking your time, savoring. He waits for you to get settled before he speaks again.

“What happened to you?” he tries once more, a little softer this time.

There’s some contemplation on your end, you look at him for a moment, then at your glass, then back up at him again. He can almost see you trying to figure out how much you’re going to share, but he wants to know everything.

“There was an accident at the hospital,” you answer, finally.

Joel slings his arm over the back of the couch, angles his body towards where you’re curled up, legs tucked underneath you. I’m listening.

Your voice stays even, blase. “A guard at the border broke protocol…and someone who was infected was brought in. By the time we realized, it was too late….”

“Were you hurt?”

“Almost.” you say. “I mean, yes, actually, I’m a little scratched up, but…it’s not as bad as it could’ve been.”

Your teeth start chattering again. Joel wonders if it’s because of the cold, or your nerves. Figures it’s probably both.

“My coworker turned and I uhm….I had to…” you say into your glass, your free hand flexing like it’s trying to shake off some unpleasant muscle memory. “I had no choice.”

“I understand,” For whatever reason, he spares you from telling the story. To him, taking down Infected was nothing. But to you…“What else?” he presses.

You shrug, avoiding his eyes, one of your arms coming to grip at your opposite shoulder. “I can’t really remember. A bunch of people died. FEDRA came in and just started gunning everything down….” you shook your head, and straightened up.

“I heard about that,” Joel offers.

“Wait…you knew about this?”

“Yeah.”

“So then why are you here, asking m-” the rest of your sentence drops off, your lips parted slightly. The look on your face shifts, slowly. Your eyes narrow. Remorse turns into something more neutral, then into curiosity. “Oh my god….you were worried about me.”

“No.”

“Yes, you fucking were,” your lips curl slightly, it’s not quite a smile, but it’s something close to amusement.

“No,” Joel defends himself. “I wanted to hear what happened from someone–”

“No you didn’t,” you interject, but he raises his voice to finish his thought.

“–who actually works there, not FEDRA’s propaganda.”

“No you did not. You’re checking up on me. You came over here after curfew to see if I was–”

“Enough,” Joel growls with enough conviction that it shuts you up, and he’s grateful, but its not enough to wipe the self-satisfied look on your face, because it doesn’t.

“What are we, like, friends now?”

He doesn’t answer, and slugs back the rest of his whiskey.

“Or would that be too much for you?” You don’t wait long for him to give you an answer, probably because you know he won’t respond. “I mean, if we’re both being honest–” He definitely wasn’t being honest. “–Today was really fucked up.”

You’re leaning forward now, some of the space between you is gone. And though you’re trying to give the impression that you’re unphased by everything, your hand is clenched tightly around your glass, and you avoid his eyes. It’s painful to watch you resist the urge to trust him. Not that he’s ever given you a good enough reason to – he knows he doesn’t deserve it, but he wants it anyways.

“It’s funny…” you say after a while. “I remember thinking that I didn’t want to die. At least… not like that. I’ve never felt that before…That’s something, isn’t it?” you ask him.

Joel looks at you, and is surprised at the vulnerability in your expression, sees you looking for some kind of validation from him. “....It is.”

You finish off your drink, and put the empty glass on the coffee table, shift closer to him.

“It looks like you healed up okay,” you say, after a spell. “How’s your shoulder?”

“A little sore, nothing I can’t handle.”

“Did you take those antibiotics?”

“Yes.”

“Good. And I can’t even tell you had a black eye.”

“I’m fine,” Joel asserts.

Another shiver wracks your body, and he can tell this one is actually from the chill – your apartment is cold as fuck, it even is starting to bother him.

“Don’t you have a heater?”

“Kinda,” you glance over at the radiator in the corner. “Sometimes it works.”

“What do you do when it’s colder than this?” It was only November, things would only get worse.

You shrug. “I don’t know….just be colder, I guess.”

Joel imagines you curled up in your bed alone, wrapped in a thin comforter, shaking in front of him like you are now. He winces.

“How long are you going to stay?” you ask, changing the subject.

“I should probably go now.”

You nod, scoot closer. “But maybe…” you trail off, contemplating.

Joel sits up straighter, prompting you when you don’t speak again. “Maybe what?”

“Maybe you could stick around for a little while longer.” There’s a warm hand, yours, that lands on his thigh, and he recoils like you’ve touched him with a fire iron. He rises to his feet.

“Hey,” you stand along with him, step in front of him to block the pathway to the door. He could easily get past you, obviously, but it’s not as simple as that.

Of course he’s fucking thought about what happened the last time he was here – his arms around your waist, his mouth on your neck, your chest, your hands on his shoulders, whining his name. A freak accident, a glitch in the matrix, a statistically improbable thing.

“What?” he asks as you step forward, the fingers on your free hand sliding into the belt loops of his pants. He feels blood rush to his cheeks, to other places. And you’re still fucking shivering. You look so fucking miserable, he wants to yell at you to put on a coat, to wrap yourself in a blanket, in his arms.

“Joel,” you say his name softly, tilting your head up, leaning close. And then your hand is on the side of his face, and he realizes you’re fucking pleading with him. He knows what you want, but he has a feeling this isn’t just about sex. You’re looking for comfort, as if he’s capable of giving it.

“We made a mistake…once,” he tells you. “We’re not going to make it again.”

He says it to hurt you, but it doesn’t work. It’s like you knew it was coming all along. “I knew what I was doing,” you answer, earnest. “Didn’t you?”

Yes. You glance down at his hands, which are squeezed into fists so tightly, his knuckles are white. If he’s not rigid, he’s not sure how he’ll be able to resist. He wants you. God, he wants you. He never thought he’d be able to have you again.

“I could help you loosen up.”

Joel’s walking on the edge of a one-thousand foot cliff and hoping his foot slips. He wants to surrender. The only thing he thinks might save him is to say the meanest thing he can. Maybe you’d get turned off.

“Listen to yourself,” he says, finding the strength to meet your eyes. “You want me so bad, you sound pathetic.”

“Asshole,” you step closer, your mouth twitches, your lips are inches apart. “Do you think I care what you think about me?”

Joel realizes his plan has backfired. But he really only has himself to blame, he should’ve known better. With you, he’s never in as much control as he wants to be, and deep down, he likes it.

“Go lie down on the bed.”

It’s the only thing that seems to shock you. “What?”

“I won’t ask you again,” Joel steps backwards, crosses his arms. “Go lie down.”

──────

If you told yourself a couple months ago that one day you’d find yourself pinned down by Joel Miller, you’d think it’d be because he was about to kill you. Maybe because you cheated him out of something, maybe because you did something else to piss him off – it didn’t really matter. Regardless of how fucked up it was, that idea would seem more dignified than what was happening now.

Your back is being pressed deeper into the lumpy old mattress, and he’s on you. His mouth is warm, hot, wet, and dragging down your neck, nipping, sucking, licking. Your hands are itching to reach out, to skate down his torso, trace along his jawline, tug at his hair, but you can’t because he’s got them pinned above you with only one of his own. Anytime you try to fight him, his grip only grows stronger.

It was shameful, really, but you had asked for this – begged for it, basically. There were a number of reasons why – one of which was to blow off some steam after a near death experience, the other because you’d fucked him before and it had been good, much to your dismay. There was also a third reason that you weren’t interested in acknowledging now.

After the night Joel had gotten jumped, and you’d taken care of him, everything has changed. It’s a cliche, but true. You’d known what you were doing when it happened, and had no regrets. But it was probably not supposed to happen again, and you tried to keep it that way, more for his sake than anyone else’s. But….he was the one who showed up tonight after he’d heard what had happened. It wasn’t nothing.

Joel pulls away from you so abruptly that you gasp, shivering in the wake of his impossible warmth.

“Sit up,” he instructs, and you turn to find him at the end of the bed, arms crossed.

You obey, mostly just for the view. You hope to admire him, fresh from kissing you – flush skin, wet lips, tousled hair. Only he’s frustratingly stoic, unsullied – like he hadn’t been touching you at all.

“Look at me,” he says, and you do.

“This doesn’t mean anything.”

“It’s nothing,” you agree.

“I won’t be gentle.”

“I don’t want you to be gentle.”

“Good,” you watch his shoulders loosen, just a little, and he takes one step backwards, his eyes tracing down your body and then back up. “Strip for me….”

You aren’t dressed sexy at all, you remember, a sweatshirt and sweatpants. If you had thought this through a little more, you might’ve tried to make it nicer for him. “....Okay.”

“Start with your shirt,” he says, and you grab at the hem, but he snaps at you. “Ah-ah….slower.”

You swallow, nod, and carefully lift the fabric, dragging it up over your stomach, over the swell of your breasts, revealing your tight, thin white tank top.

“That’s it, nice and slow.”

Joel’s voice is soft but stern, a low rasp that makes your cunt clench around nothing, and he’s not even touching you. The sweatshirt is pulled over your head, falling somewhere on the crumpled bedspread.

Languidly, you lean back, shifting your weight to get off the mattress, and Joel palms himself through his jeans. You can see where he’s straining against the denim, and you find it hard to tear your gaze away as you go to pull off your sweatpants. Joel stops you again.

“Turn around.”

You do, and you’re sure he has a nice view of your ass as you slide them over your hips, bending over to let the fleece pool around your ankles. Slowly, you rise back up, looking at him over your shoulder for approval.

“Good girl,” he murmurs. Your stomach flips. A month ago, you would’ve done anything to get him to stay away from you, and now, you’re terrified to disappoint him.

That’s the problem. You’d spent most of the day fighting for your life — literally. But even after standing behind a barricade of heavily-armed FEDRA soldiers outside the hospital, you didn’t feel as safe as you did when you saw Joel at your door. You need him. For now, at least.

“Now the shirt,” he tilts his head towards the mattress, nodding encouragingly.

You get back on the bed, sitting back on your heels, and begin to pull the tank top up. It’s your last layer up top, you’re not wearing a bra, and you’re feeling a little vulnerable with him just watching you, fully clothed and composed, your gaze falling down to look at the threadbare linens.

“Eyes up,” he instructs. “Look at me.”

Taking in a shaky inhale, you do. It’s not easy. Everything about him looks dark, animalistic. A coiled ball of energy, waiting to pounce.

But, even when you’re bare before him, he doesn’t.

“Lie back, close your eyes.”

Of course, you don’t refuse, settling your head against the pillows.

There’s a sound of a belt – his belt, unbuckling, the snap of a button, the dip of the bed where he kneels when he comes to hover over you. Two hands land on top of your thighs, pressing the backs against his denim-clad knees, thumbs pushing your legs further apart.

And then…nothing. He’s still. He’s still for so long, that you actually think that something’s wrong. When you open your eyes, you’re met with a view of the underside of his jaw. You can just make out the pinched expression he’s wearing as he looks down upon you. Disdain, maybe…but it’s not meant for you, it’s for someone else….him.

“Joel,” you murmur. Instinctually, you reach for his hand.

The second it makes contact, he smacks your hand away so hard your whole body jolts. “I told you to close your eyes.”

“Sorry,” you mumble quickly, closing them again.

You are well aware that he’s actively working through shit, probably doing some kind of mental gymnastics to rationalize why it’s okay to fuck you again, which, when you really think about it is kind of….pathetic. It’s the only thing that makes you feel any sort of power in a situation where you’ll surrender everything else. It’s a fair exchange.

Maybe, on a different day, you would want it softer. You’d like to think he’s capable of that, even though he seems determined he isn’t. Luckily, you don’t want it softer. After today, you want to be so far gone you can’t think.

Joel answers by leaning down and catching you in a bruising kiss. Finally. You press yourself against him cause you’re freezing and he’s so warm, and you frantically begin to unbutton the flannel he’s wearing, making it about halfway down before he pins your hands above you again.

“Slow down.”

You whine, a little frustrated because all you want to do is touch him. The fingers on his free hand hook around the elastic of your underwear, and he starts to drag them over the curve of your ass.

He’s got to be joking with how deliberately he’s moving, anticipation only building underneath his featherlight touches.

When he’s got your panties around your ankles, you slide your legs together so he can pull them off entirely, keeping them closed as his weight shifts, and your thighs are pulled back apart.

“You’re already so wet for me,” he doesn’t need to feel you to see it clear as day, with you spread open in front of him. “So fucking desperate.”

He’s all-but glaring at you, like you’ve done something wrong, and for a minute, your eyes flick away, just for a second of relief from the tension.

“What, are you embarrassed?” he asks.

“N-no,” you stammer, though it was supposed to sound confident.

Thankfully, he doesn’t press you, his head dipping down to press his lips to your knee, then an inch higher, then an inch higher, then higher – keeping his eyes locked on yours the whole time, an arm winding around your thigh.

“I wanted to do this last time.” A confession.

“Yeah?” you sigh, trembling. It’s maybe the nicest thing he’s said to you, but you can’t even acknowledge it, because you’re buzzing.

He turns his face, his beard scraping along sensitive skin. “Mhm,” his deep rasp vibrates directly to your cunt, and when his head dips down, you close your eyes – it might just be better to focus on only one sensation at a time, you’re not sure you can handle seeing what he’s about to do.

Joel’s mouth is on you the second you do, and you gasp. He licks up the seam of your lips, mouth latching around your clit, swirling with his tongue, and back down – firm, determined, practiced. You try to buck up, but he has an arm locked around your hips.

He removes himself from you just enough to utter two words. “Stay still.”

You want to protest, but you realize that he’s let go of your hands, and it gives you the opportunity to thread your fingers into his hair, while you dig your heels into the broad expanse of his back, and he groans, tongue curling into you.

“I’ve thought about this,” you gasp, answering his earlier admission.

“When?”

“At night. More than once.”

“Fuck,” Joel growls, and you wheeze when he works one finger into you, forcing you to take it along with his next words. “You know how fuckin’ bad that is? Dreamin’ about a man nearly twice your age?”

“I d-don’t care, I want you anyway. Y-you can do whatever you want to me,” It’s too early to be past the point of speaking coherently, it really is, but you’re already there.

“F-fuck,” Joel repeats himself, and pushes another finger inside you next to the first, the stretch almost uncomfortable, but quickly fading to pleasure. “I’m going to.”

You’re not the going to tell him, though, that he’s the first man whose ever gone down on you, because you’re a little fucking scared for some reason. It’s intimate, very intimate, more than you expected.

The truth is, you weren’t actually very experienced at all. You could count on one hand the number of partners you’d had, and still not use all of your fingers. While some of them were good enough, they all paled in comparison to Joel. There had never been anyone like Joel.

His fingers curl as his tongue swirls around your clit and you cry out, inhale sharply. Minute by minute, you’re getting wetter and wetter – can hear yourself with each twist of his fingers inside you, bearing down on him.

“You taste so fuckin’ good,” he grunts, and your eyes flutter open just for a second, just to see his forehead, dark eyes staring back at you, and his hips dipping, rutting against the mattress. God he’s getting himself off to this. As hot as it is, the thought of not getting to feel him inside you causes a rush of anger.

“F-feels so good,” you’re right there, already, and it’s pitiful.

“I know, baby, I know,” he says. “You’re already so close, aren’t you?”

Instead of answering, you just nod, gasping. Joel works you right up to the precipice, hands tightening in his hair, hips lifting off the bed – and then he slows a little – just enough – to pull you back off the edge, and you let out a humiliating sob.

“Shhh!” he hisses with his mouth still on you, resuming the steady pace he had going. A little sigh of relief when you feel your release approaching again. He just lost his rhythm for a moment, it was nothing.

Again, he’s got you right there, you’re so close, hips jerking, breathing in short, sharp pants, something molten working its way up your spine. “Joel, that’s it, please I-”

He falters again – just enough. And it’s gone again.

You realize, with dismay, that he knows exactly what he’s doing. He hadn’t lost his rhythm. He’s doing this on purpose.

If someone asked – not that anyone would – you wouldn’t be able to recall how long he keeps you in that state, being dragged and dangled, but denied the privilege of falling. It’s torture.

And at first, you try to be patient. You figure he’ll grow tired, desperate, and eventually want to move on. But apparently, he doesn’t want to move on. He’s content to keep you this way for as long as he sees fit, and you can’t handle it any longer. It’s starting to hurt.

“Please, Joel, let me-” you gasp.

“Let you what?” he pulls back from you, frustratingly too soon, once again.

“Let me come, please, I’ll do anything, I’ll be good, please, please-”

“Just a little longer,” he dismisses you.

All you can do is pant and writhe, completely at his mercy. He keeps going like that, and you’ve stopped trying to filter yourself, the sounds he makes as he laves at you are obscene, you can see yourself glistening on his chin, and can feel the sheets damp beneath you. At this point, he’s enjoying this more than you are.

“Joel,” you plead with him again. “It’s too much, I c-can’t. Just, please I really need-”

“You wanna come for me, baby?” he asks. You nod ferociously.

“Yes, please, please,”

“You’re so fucking sweet when you beg, you know that? ” he murmurs. “Wish you were like this all the time.”

“Fuck off,” you manage, feeling heat rise to your cheeks. You should do this to me more often.

Joel chuckles, and it vibrates just right, his fingers curling again and you moan, hands tightening in his hair. He’s focused now, you can tell because the constant stream of filth he’s been whispering has finally stopped. He’s persistent.

You’re unable to stay quiet, continuing to whimper just like that and please don’t stop over and over. And then all at once, every muscle in your body grows tense and you cry out, cunt pulsing around him so tightly that his fingers slow. “There you go, pretty girl, that’s it.”

You whisper his name as he continues to fuck his fingers into you, riding you through your orgasm and licking up the mess you’ve made.

At some point in the aftermath, Joel withdraws from you, and you hear the sting of his zipper. It takes a moment, but you’re able to see him through heavily lidded eyes, kneeling in front of you with his shirt unbuttoned all the way, pants around his ankles, jerking himself slowly in his hand. God he’s fucking huge, how had you forgotten about that? He’s a vision, beard still wet with you, looking down, watching your chest rise and fall. In that moment you realize two things. One, even though you’ve already come, you somehow want him even more than you had before, and two, you’ve never wanted to suck a dick so bad in your life.

So you sit up, crawl towards him, and reach out with one hand to take him in your palm. He lets you, sighing, closing down his eyes. First, you have to kiss him, so you rise to your knees, and he pulls you into his arms, one of them winding around your waist, the other coming to rest at the small of your back. “You take such good care of me,” you whisper.

He grimaces at the words like they’re an insult. You expect him to retaliate, to tell you that you shouldn’t say that sort of thing, but he never does. So you kiss him, gently, bringing your free hand to the side of his face. Once again, he lets you, and you taste yourself when his tongue presses into you mouth. You run your thumb over the head of his cock, and he hums against your touch, almost contentedly.

You’re doing whatever you want to him, and you’re shocked he hasn’t put a stop to it. It could be satisfying enough, you think, just to keep kissing him like this. Still, you sink back towards the bed to test things further. You’re about to wrap your mouth around him, but he pulls you off by your hair, so quickly, so hard that you yelp.

“No.” he says firmly. “Lie back.”

“But I just wanted to-”

“No.”

You consider trying to reason with him, but decide it won’t be worth whatever he’d do if you continue to argue.

Joel braces himself with one hand above your shoulder, the other wrapped around his cock, slowly teasing you by rubbing himself up and down a few times, before he gives in, finally pushing into you.

“Oh, fuck,” you gasp at the stretch, reaching out grasp at his bicep, arching your back. He’d prepped you, and it was still too much.

“You can take it,” he says, pressing deeper into you. His hips are all the way flush with yours, he’s to the hilt, and he still snaps them even further, once, holding you there, so deep, you feel like you’re choking on him. “See? There you go.”

It seems like you can’t quite catch your breath, and you squirm underneath him for some kind of friction, some kind of relief from how intense it all is. You can feel him throbbing inside you, feel how badly his own body is begging him to move, but he doesn’t.

“Joel,” you cradle the back of his head, look him in the eyes. “Move, please.”

He doesn’t answer, he just brings his hand to grip your jaw, his thumb and forefinger pressing into the soft flesh of your cheeks.

“Please?” you murmur again, and his thumb slips into your mouth, silencing you. You suck on it obediently, and after you do, he finally gives you what you want.

──────

Joel told you he wouldn’t be gentle, and he isn’t.

He hadn’t been able to do this last time. Taste you, spread you open, fuck you properly. His hips snap against yours – ferociously, unrelenting, over and over. You’ve been going at it for awhile now, and he actually wants you to break. He wants you to tell him to slow down, to be a little more tender, not press into you so deep, so hard, so that if he listens, it wouldn’t mean he’s breaking his own promise. He’s got to be rough with you, because he’s afraid of what could happen if he’s not.

But you don’t break. You fucking take it, take him, each time, again and again, your nails digging into arms, your legs locked around his hips. Each time he delves into you, you’re getting wetter and wetter, and yet, you’re still so fucking tight. He doesn’t understand it. It’s been a long fucking time since he’s been with a woman like you – and you might be the best he’s ever had.

You’re not even making any noise – you’re just panting, gasping in Joel’s ear as you cling to him, and that’s all. He can’t even look you in the eyes. If he does, he knows you’ll see everything that’s wrong with him, and still beg for him to give you more.

Two hands land on either side of his face, turning his head so you can kiss him. Despite how he’s treating you, you keep trying to connect, to ground yourself. For as much as he wants to refuse, it feels too cruel to deny you. He lets you lock your lips with his own, feels your cunt clutch him even tighter. It’s impossible for you to kiss for more than a few seconds at a time without it getting broken up by a whimper here and there. You’re getting close again, he’s started to get better at recognizing it.

“You’re fucking so perfect on me, baby, you feel that?” he asks, and you nod, breathless. “Taking me so well, such a good fucking girl-”

A gasp from you cuts him off, your eyes squeezing shut as you are taken over by your climax. Joel groans and does everything he can not to come when you start pulsing around him, holding him closer, since there’s nothing else to do. It’s way too intimate…because it’s missionary, and he should’ve known better than to start off like this.

Pulling out of you is the hardest thing he’s had to do in a while, and he ignores your noises of protest now that he’s left you empty. Then, he flips you onto your stomach. He takes a moment to admire the curve of your ass, how it dips into your waist….to him, your body is perfect, and you’re young, your skin still supple and smooth. There are still places he hasn’t gotten his mouth on, and it’s a shame, he thinks, but tonight his patience is wearing thin. Joel pulls you back until you’re on your knees, and slides back inside. There’s a little resistance, you whimper, but it’s easier than the first time. He wraps an arm around your waist, the other across your chest, and starts to jerk his hips upwards, into you.

“Oh fuck, Joel,” you sigh in relief.

“I know, I know.”

You drop your head back until it falls against his shoulder, winding your arm back so you can pull at his hair, which kind of fucking hurts, but he likes it.

Ultimately, you’re pretty easy to please, and it’s not long before he feels the telltale flutter of your walls as you drip down over him, soaking his lap.

“You’re making a fucking mess, baby. You gonna come for me again?”

All you can do is plead with him. “I can’t, Joel. I can’t do it again, please just-”

“Yes, you can,” he interjects. “I know you can, baby, don’t worry…I’ll help you.”

“O-okay.’

He slows the roll of his hips just a little, focuses on deeper, longer strokes, and lets the hand that’s currently squeezing one of your tits fall to where your bodies are joined, finding your clit immediately.

You whine, arching back against him, the swell of your ass packed against his lower stomach. He sees a single tear leaking from the corner of your eye and feels a little guilty for what he’s doing to you. Only a little, though.

Without any warning, for the third time, you’re coming around him – easier than the last time, like always – and he uses the feeling of you throbbing around him to chase his own release, his hand clapping over your mouth to muffle your moans as he becomes increasingly frantic.

He turns his head, rakes his teeth along your exposed neck, and sinks them into your pulse point with a groan. Your breath is hot against him when you whimper in response.

“Just a little more, honey.” He’s so close. You bob your head, though you’ve nearly gone limp in his arms.

Like last time, Joel knows it’s a bad idea, but he’s not going to pull out. The thought of deliberately coming inside you is actually what sends him over the edge, and he’s cursing and moaning your name. You whine at the feeling of him pulsing inside of you, arching back for more, even though he can tell you’re exhausted.

It’s fucking freezing in your apartment, and yet, his skin is damp with sweat when he finally regains some awareness of his surroundings. He’s panting, you’re sniffling, a weak smile on your face as you catch your breath. Before he can stop himself, he presses his lips to your cheek.

Joel tilts you both forward – very tentatively, keeping an arm wrapped around your waist. At some point, your hand settled over top of his, and you threaded your fingers between his own, holding his hand across your stomach. You keep it there, even after you’ve settled onto the bed.

It takes a few minutes before either of you move, but it’s you who gives in first, wriggling out from where he’s got you trapped partially underneath him.

You retreat to the bathroom, like you did last time. Somewhere during your coupling the linens have slid down the bed, and Joel settles back against the pillows, throwing an arm behind his head. Now that he’s stopped sweating, he’s just cold, and he reaches to pull the bedspread over him. He should leave, he thinks, before you come out and ask him to. Beat you to the punch. Maybe while you’re still in the bathroom.

A few minutes later, and you return from the bathroom, dressed again in sweats. He hears you pour yourself a glass of water, gulping it down. You flick off the lamp on your bedside table, and fall into bed next to him, lying rigidly on your back. He should reach out, pull you against him, let you settle in his arms. Instead, Joel rolls over on his side.

It’s terrible how beautiful you are, he thinks, watching you stare up at the ceiling, hugging yourself. So beautiful, and fucking smart. You’re strong, too, but not as strong as he wishes you were. Of course, no one could ever be that strong.

He whispers your name. You turn your head, pupils still blown wide with lingering lust.

“You need to learn to defend yourself, to shoot a gun, to fight,” he says. “After today.”

“What?” you roll to face him.

“You said you didn’t want to die,” Joel continues. “So you need to learn. ‘Case something like that happens again.”

“Oh yeah? Lemme guess, you’re gonna teach me?” your voice is a little hoarse after what he’d done to you, and you smirk at him.

“Yes.” It sobers you up, that he’s not fucking with you, or giving you a hard time. “I owe you, remember?”

“You do.”

“So…. I’ll teach you.”

“....Okay.”

“Alright.”

Joel rolls over to his opposite side, and you’re left staring at his back. Arms wrapped around

himself in a tight hug, he waits for you to tell him to go.

You never do.

Instead, he feels the heat of your body as you curl up against him, slotting one of your legs between his own. Your hand grazes up his ribs, over his bicep – a gentle, quick massage – before you tuck your arm underneath his own, your palm flat against his heart.

“What are you doing?” he asks, frozen at how tender the embrace is. It’s a foreign feeling, he can’t remember the last time someone touched him like this.

The tip of your nose hits the nape of his neck, and he can feel your shuddery exhale.

“I’m cold,” you say, like it’s obvious, lips brushing featherlight against his skin. “And if you’re staying, you might as well make yourself useful.”

He can’t roll over and wrap his arms around you. He can’t kiss your forehead or play with your hair or murmur into your ear. He can’t offer you anything in return. Joel decides, though, if he’s going to accept comfort from anyone, it’s going to be from you.

──────

taglist (basically if you asked for a pt 2 on the last part i tagged you): @bbyanarchist @dlwrish @imaginewrites24 @captain-yellow-96 @daisyintheskyewithdiamonds @sludgec0r33 @c0wb0ym3nace

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller imagine #joel miller fanfic #joel miller x you #pedro pascal #the last of us #the last of us writing #the last of us fanfiction #tlou #tlou hbo #tlou fic #joel miller angst #writing

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rainbowchaox · 7 months

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Philza fully has a soft spot for one Missa Sinfonia

I think it’s about time for everyone to fully understand that Philza has a soft spot for Missa. Whether you ship them platonically or romantically. Everyone needs to understand how gentle and how Missa can do no wrong Philza fully is.

First off literally whenever Missa is there Philza voice drops into the softest I ever heard him. Philza finally gets calm and relaxed with missa. Missa was canonically gone for ages left their actual son and was absent. Philza immediately forgave him. Missa thinks he is bad dad but he is not. Missa canonically had no choice but to be gone CAUSE? HE WAS LITERALLY HELD HOSTAGE BY WILD WOLVES.

If Missa had a choice in the matter he wouldn’t have never left Philza or Chayanne and eventually Tallulah. He would have always stayed by his family side. He is completely loyal to a fault. Missa isn’t perfect but Philza can clearly see that Missa is 100% on his side. And for some one like Philza where complete trust and loyalty is so hard to come by. Much less Philza giving trust and loyalty to somebody is the hardest thing to get. But once Philza trusts you? Practically have it for life. Only utter betrayal will break his trust.

Philza will wait and wait. It’s no problem for him. Philza forgives Missa so much. Even if others will hold a grudge over him being gone. Even if others fully believe that Missa doesn’t deserve Philza or deserve his family. Philza will always have a space for Missa in their home. There’s reasons why it’s Phil and Missa. Not just Philza.

Missa JUST cares so much about those he loves. And Philza definitely understands that about Missa. Which is why he has such a massive soft spot for his husband. There’s no anger. No resentment. No. Philza is just happy that Missa is back.

And this comes to what happened recently. The fight between Wilbur and Philza. Philza did snap and for good reason. Wilbur left for ages had him take care of his egg and Wilbur started getting upset? Wilbur doesn’t even know Tallulah at this point. Philza is more a dad to her than Wilbur. Sucks to point that out but it’s the truth. But all the anger Philza directed at Wilbur? He never directed at his husband Missa.

Missa was also a absent father. Missa also left him to care for Chayanne. But Philza can tell Missa never wanted to leave. That Missa loves chayanne and the rest of the eggs so much (literally one of the first things he did during his first stream back was kiss sleeping chayanne). And most importantly Missa is always on his side. They are team. A unit.

I remember when Tallulah was worried about if her father would still love her as she changed so much when he was gone. And Philza alluded that even chayanne changed and that was mainly because he didn’t talk about Missa much making him lose Spanish. And you know what? Missa never stopped loving his son. Was hella dramatic about it primarily because people putting ideas chayanne was doing drugs. But Missa never stopped loving chayanne.

Missa always cared for chayanne and if anything he wants to better for Philza and Chayanne and even Tallulah. As they connected right before the egg kidnappings happened. And Philza understood so he immediately saw the small amount of blame he did. He stopped talking about Missa.

There’s reasons why Missa holds Philzas heart. Why he trusts Missa so much. Why philzas is always loyal to Missa.

MISSA IS ALWAYS ON PHILZA SIDE NO QUESTIONS ASKED.

Missa just like Philza wants to save the eggs. Missa is always on Philza side. So of course Philza is soft. (Also Missa visited before the egg kidnapping lore. Definitely made him look better.) I just find it so interesting despite both Missa and Wilbur being in similar states of being absent fathers returning both connected to Philza. That Philza is visibly more soft towards Missa than Wilbur. It’s something the pissa nation should pick up on. Because really no one can say that Philza has a soft spot for his husband. We were always saying it but now it’s practically canon.

Anyways Missa PLS STREAM YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS IT!!!!!!!

#qsmp #pissa #Qsmp pissa #Deathduo #Essay!#guess who back back again it’s me the essay devil #pissa newspaper

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helpallthenamesaretakenblog · 2 months

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The Judo Flip Scene; The Scene that Divided the Percy Jackson Fandom: What Went Wrong?

Annabeth grabbed his wrist and flipped him over her shoulder. He slammed into the stone pavement. Romans cried out. Some surged forward, but Reyna shouted, “Hold! Stand down!”

Annabeth put her knee on Percy’s chest. She pushed her forearm against his throat. She didn’t care what the Romans thought. A white-hot lump of anger expanded in her chest—a tumor of worry and bitterness that she’d been carrying around since last autumn.

“If you ever leave me again,” she said, her eyes stinging, “I swear to all the gods—”

Percy had the nerve to laugh. Suddenly the lump of heated emotions melted inside Annabeth.

“Consider me warned,” Percy said. “I missed you, too.

-Mark of Athena

This scene is one of the, if not most, controversial scenes in the entirety of Rick Riordan's books. It has caused many fans to go deep into the morality of the scene--into the question of boundaries, whether it is just a good boundaries into Percy and Annabeth's relationships or just abusive behaviour. In this post, I will talk about my opinion on, 'What went wrong?'

First, let us dissect this scene, shall we? We have Annabeth, who has lost her only proof of permanence for six months. The guy she was dreading would die for five years before she thought they had their happy ending was suddenly snatched in a time where she thought life couldn't get any better. During this time;

she saw jason falling in love with piper and was stressed that percy would be doing the same without her

she was stressed percy would never even remember her.

she canonically spent hundreds and thousands of drachmas (and probably time too) on iris messaging every monster and god she could just so that she could find him

she spent a WHOLE lot of energy on this.

she was probably advised by people in camp to find another guy, probably got these comments regularly

she was also troubled by athena's roman form to find athena parthenos statue and ditch finding percy, which must have been hard to handle

she was in charge of helping build a WHOLE WAR SHIP

she was also in charge of rebuilding the home of the gods

And you know what? It makes sense that she would have all of these emotions buried inside her. It makes sense that she would be angry, stressed, and depressed and that she would bury all of this inside. "During their separation, something had happened to Annabeth’s feelings. They’d grown painfully intense—like she’d been forced to withdraw from a life-saving medication. Now she wasn’t sure which was more excruciating—living with that horrible absence, or being with him again" Yep, homegirl was going through some stuff.

Though we don't know what his thoughts were on his point of view, from the fact that he laughs and never brings it up later, we can conclude that Rick wanted us to know that he didn't care, and that these interactions are common between both of them, though one could argue that isn't really reliable.

So; Annabeth having an outburst of emotions is a completely normal reaction, judging the amount of things she has gone through, even though it isn't the right way to express her feelings. But, why is the judo flip scene actually bad? Why did it give even percabeth shippers the ick?

The Way Rick Wrote It: Rick treated the scene as if it was funny, Annabeth was such a girly girlboss who did it to keep Percy in his place. "I only judoflip my boyfriend". And people were mad. Mad that girls are portrayed to be girlbosses by making them violent. Mad that this violence was against a guy who was implied to be abused in his childhood.

My Argument: This scene was written in a time where media with violent comedy was popular among kids (tom and jerry, oggy and the cockroaches, i see you), and that it aged badly. Another important thing: a lot of the fandom also thought of it as percabeth's most romantic moments, and hyped it up so much, which contributes towards the whole ick of the scene.

My Argument: One thing to take into account was that the romans were really on guard when the greeks arrived. they were scared it was going to be an ambush. so when annabeth judoflips percy, their nerves took over. i fully believe the humor of 'i only judoflip my bf' was just their way of diffusing a potentially dangerous situation of misunderstanding.

But in the end I do agree, the way this was written was a major disservice to the feelings that Annabeth was experiencing that time. Rick failed to portray that scene as an exhausted traumatised teenager having an unhealthy outburst of emotions, which is what it really was. Instead, he tried to make it a funny type of scene, and the fandom carried it forward by hyping the scene up as if it was one of percabeth's most romantic moments, and even though the intentions were good, he failed to convey the meaning behind what they said properly.

So now that we've answered the question this post was made for, I'd like to end this post with a positive note. I'd like to point out that in cotg, there is no moment that annabeth physically hurted (hurted is too much of an overstatement) percy if you think about it, which shows that she has improved. If you want proof, I searched any time where Annabeth teased percy physically when he said something 'stupid' and what I found was 'nudged me with her toe' and 'lightly pinched me'. So, even though Rick messed up in writing that one scene more than ten years ago, it's safe to say he has improved.

****************************************************************

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from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras · 2 months

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Religion in Rohan

On the recommendation of @sotwk and on the off chance that others find this interesting or useful, here is another summary of some of the background head canons that support how I think of Rohan when I'm writing stories set there. This one is about religion, for lack of a better term, and covers at a high level what they think about gods, the afterlife, etc. and the influence of that on their culture. I fine-tuned some of this recently as part of a back-and-forth with others, and it's (hopefully?) more interesting than my pages of thoughts about changes in Rohan's horse breeding economy over time (the TL;DR there is that Théoden’s grandfather created crown-sponsored horse breeding enterprises to better supply the expanding army, but that ended up forcing some of the traditional horse breeding families into poverty)! Anywho...

Most of what we know about the religious history of Middle Earth (the full Silmarillion-style recounting of Eru, the Valar, the making of the world, etc.) comes via the elves and Númenóreans. But the Northmen ancestors of the Rohirrim didn’t really interact much with these groups, and so their knowledge of that history was limited to what they directly experienced themselves or what filtered through to them in sometimes irregular ways. This means their belief system, which is what became the Rohirrim belief system, is a mix of those Silmarillion-style ideas plus concepts they picked up in other places and some homegrown beliefs and practices.

For example, the Rohirrim don’t make a real distinction between Eru and the Valar. To them, they’re all “the gods” who made the world and are of roughly equal power and importance (though they are particularly attached to one as further discussed below).

They also recognize fewer of the Valar than others do, having a stripped down set of 7 associated with earth, sky, water, plants/animals, battle/protection, weather, and all things to do with the spirit/soul (roughly corresponding to the Silm’s Aulë, Varda, Ulmo, Yavanna, Oromë, Vána and Eru). The compression of all the spirit-based Valar into just one likely happened because these Valar almost never left Valinor and so the evidence of their separate existence for those who had never been there was tenuous at best. Although the Rohirrim gods have spheres of influence as denoted above, the lines between these gods are porous and they might all be involved in anything. They also each have their own Rohirric names.

The Rohirrim don’t practice their beliefs in a form that is anything like organized religion – no formal rites, ceremonies, prayers, etc. They simply pass down beliefs from generation to generation, and individuals or families may all have different ways of expressing those beliefs (or may choose not to express them in any sense). The primary purpose of their beliefs is to explain the world as they see it around them (How was the world created? Where did this storm come from? etc.). People may appeal to a certain god for help in difficult times or they may give thanks to a god for luck or fortune, but they also believe direct, purposeful intervention by a god in the real world is extremely limited since the War of Wrath and the end of the First Age. This causes the Rohirrim to put a lot of weight on both living honorably and taking care of your community, because there probably is no god coming to help you – you can only help each other.

Unlike the Gondorians, who think the ultimate fate of mortals beyond the world is unknown, the Rohirrim believe in a very specific afterlife. They believe the gods come to collect the dead and reunite them with their families so that they can “live” a second existence together with one another (the so-called “halls of our fathers”). Anyone who doesn’t deserve admittance to their family’s halls is put in service of the spirit/soul god until they’ve earned their honor back through deeds.

The Rohirrim are particularly attached to their god that is the Valar Oromë the huntsman, who they call Béma and associate with both battle and protection. He was a great favorite of the Northmen, and this connection was passed on through time to the Rohirrim.

They believe that, just as he did for the earliest elves, Béma rode among early men. They don’t care that the elves and Gondorians don’t believe this happened; they will not be swayed and say that he came in disguise, which is why others didn’t recognize him. They further believe that Béma chose their ancestors among early men to be his loyal foot soldiers in the fight against the evil creatures of the world. He asked for their aid, and they granted it. This established a firm belief among them that coming to the aid of an ally against evil is a sacred duty, never to be refused or ignored when requested in good faith.

As his allies, Béma bestowed horses on them, and the most treasured and best of those horses (the mearas) are thought to be descendants of Béma’s own horse, Hnaegan (whose elvish name, Nahar, is meant to evoke the sound of neighing and so the Rohirrim call him by the Rohirric word for “neigh”). Because Béma always hunted and fought on horseback and usually announced his arrival through the blowing of his great horn, the Rohirrim inherited these same practices from their ancestors.

Béma also influenced the disposition of the people, who adopted his very stern personality and his tendency to pursue thankless duty with grim determination. Showing Béma-like strength and persistence in the face of insurmountable odds is considered one of the very highest demonstrations of character in Rohan, akin to a religious virtue.

While their reverence for Béma shaped many significant elements of Rohirric culture and identity, they also ask/hope for his intervention in times of crisis. As a huntsman, they leave him small offerings of spear heads or bridle bits when they most hope that he will come to their aid, and the phrases “Béma protect us” or “thank Béma” are common parts of the lexicon – as noted above, they don’t necessarily *expect* Béma will show up and intervene, but it doesn’t hurt to ask!

Although their focus is Béma, the Rohirrim also give some primacy of place to his wife, whose name is Vána in the Silmarillion and is called Ácith in Rohan as the rough translation of her epithet “Ever-young”. She’s associated with the weather and turning of the seasons. Much like the other peoples of Middle Earth, the Rohirrim say that flowers bloom in Ácith’s wake as she walks through the world, which she does at the end of each winter to usher in the spring. The Rohirrim also believe that the consistent and otherwise unexplained appearance of simbelmynë on their graves is evidence that Ácith has been there to personally escort the dead to the halls of their fathers. The Rohirric expression that someone “went with Ácith” means that they died.

Other common Rohirric expressions with religious roots: “the light of Hnaegan” (a sign of hope in a bad situation, deriving from the sparks of light that came from Nahar’s golden hooves and were the first light in the world after Morgoth killed the trees); “you’re going to hear Béma’s horn” (you really fucked up and are about to experience someone’s wrath); and “to earn the hall” (doing something good and honorable that would earn your place in the afterlife halls of your fathers).

#lotr #lord of the rings #tolkien #head canons #rohan #religion in middle earth #things no one asked for but i have them nonetheless

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bebx · 6 months

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So I'm not in the Harrow fandom but like, what would happen if he met Henry (or Eddie because I'm biased w my boys) or Jack?

Harrow is a crime show from what I can tell?

Just curious what your thoughts are.

*for my other moots and followers, this is about Henry Creel from Stranger Things, not Henry Morgan from Forever (though I love both Henry’s very dearly).

okay, a little background for my beloved Doctor Daniel Harrow (played by the one and only Ioan Gruffudd)

Doctor Harrow is the main protagonist of a series called Harrow, and he’s a talented pathologist who’s… well, highly stubborn, so he doesn’t follow the rules and always does things his own way. he can be reckless and arrogant, some people call him selfish (also a pain in the ass) but in a good way, and he’s a good person. (he’s also extremely gorgeous it’s insane.)

so basically in the show, we often see Harrow conduct an autopsy to determine the cause of each body’s death. except that sometimes (most of the times) Harrow does more than his job description says, and goes out of his way to investigate things by himself if he suspects a foul play was involved. and he’s always right and basically he’s the one who solves crimes with his stubbornness and recklessness and also his talent.

I love this show so so very much. it’s so very good, one of the best shows I’ve ever watched, and it means so much to me (and I need a season 4).

now back to your ask! I call it a sign because a crossover between Harrow and Henry Creel is actually something I’d been thinking about writing for like a couple of months now. then I got your ask and I was like ‘now this is a sign. I really have to write it into existence!’.

so here it is: a modern age AU Stranger Things where Henry and Harrow met!

anyway, I think, if we’re talking about canon Stranger Things, I think Harrow would never be okay with Henry’s actions, what he did (the massacre, which, for the sake of the plot, never happened in the crossover fic I wrote). he would never condone the abuse Henry went through, but that didn’t mean he’d think the massacre Henry committed in canon could ever be justified.

I mean… I don’t know, that didn’t mean Harrow wouldn’t understand either (understanding something =/= condoning or justifying something). because, in the series, Harrow himself also had his own dark secrets that he had to hide. so I think… Harrow would understand why young Henry felt the need to kill his parents. but adult Henry who murdered those kids in canon? yeah, I think that would be another story.

from how I see it, if Harrow could, he would have done anything and everything to stop adult Henry from hurting innocent people. that meant either he or Henry would end up dead, because Henry would have to kill him first if he wanted to go ahead and hurt those innocent people.

however, Harrow also had the tendency to do anything and everything to protect the people that he loved. so I think it would depend on who Henry was to Harrow. if Henry wasn’t a friend, then I think Harrow would stop at nothing until he stopped Henry (and yes, that meant either Henry killed him or he killed Henry). but if they were friends, then I think that would be where things got complicated. because while, in canon, Harrow used to break laws to protect people he cared about, what adult Henry did was still something I really don’t think Harrow could ever accept or condone. so, even if they were friends, I think Harrow would still do anything in his power to stop Henry. he would hope he could stop him by putting him behind bars so that Henry was at least alive and so that Harrow could try to help him walk the right path, but if his hands were tied and if stopping Henry meant killing Henry, I think Harrow would probably go with it still, only because he didn’t have any other choice. and then he’d probably blame himself, thinking maybe if he’d done something differently he could have saved Henry. but basically Harrow would end up with yet another lifelong trauma.

(good thing is that the angst isn’t this severe in that crossover fic I wrote, so don’t worry, they’re both okay there!)

moving on to Eddie Munson. if Harrow met Eddie, oh I think that would be interesting and nope, it wouldn’t be anywhere as angsty as his meeting with Henry, that was for sure.

I think Harrow would see Eddie as a son, and Eddie would see Harrow as a father figure of sorts, a role model even.

in the show, Harrow did (almost) have a troubled son whom he looked after. I think if he met Eddie and if Eddie had a rough childhood, was somewhat troubled, then Harrow would step in and look after him.

As for Jack Sparrow, I think these two would probably find each other annoying at first. But after some rum, I believe they would be some sorts of a chaotic duo who caused shenanigans together.

Harrow and Jack are actually alike in several ways in my opinion: both are stubborn, reckless and Harrow sure can be mischievous.

so yes, him and Jack together would be hella fun.

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destinygoldenstar · 10 months

Text

Just A Couple Of Fun Headcanons Of TD Characters (Cody)

Trigger Warning, there's some abusive relationships in this one. And a pet doesn't make it. Maybe don't read this if you're sensitive to that.

- Cody Anderson was born a rich kid and an only child.

- He was an accidental pregnancy. It was so accidental that the parents didn’t even recognize pregnancy and assumed it was just a bad weight gain. There was no baby shower.

- No one showed up for Cody’s birth. He was born on April 1st. And they didn’t anticipate the situation was a baby, so when they called people and said “I had a baby”. They took it as an April Fools joke. Then when they first met Cody, they all asked, “Wait, when did you have a baby?”

- How did they get away with nine months not knowing it was pregnancy? They don’t trust doctors. Cody was a stay at home birth. He never had doctors appointments. He never met a vet. If he broke a leg, he was told to put ice on it.

- The parents are THAT stupid, and they also don’t struggle cause they’re rich. Worse than that, they are both severe alcoholics. They don’t bathe. They don’t take care of themselves. They don’t do anything besides gamble money and play bingo. They are extremely neglectful of their kid, not even remembering he exists. At best, Cody is white noise.

- They don’t even remember Cody’s birthday. (Which is canon)

- Cody’s aunt was a babysitter for him. She’s more of a mom to him than his own mom.

- Cody is kind of a Matilda, in the sense that he learned to take care of himself and act like an adult as a toddler. And the parents don’t notice it at all.

- Cody taught himself how to read and take care of himself as a doctor would. When he had the flu when he was five, his parents told him to put ice on it.

- Cody learned what sex was at the age of seven. Now all he wants to watch is porn, and due to bad parents, there are no consequences. (I do not understand people who say Cody is pure)

- Cody is a straight A student.

- When he was nine, his aunt got into a car crash. The parents said ‘put ice on it’. She survived. No thanks to them.

- They have a billiard table in their house. Cody loves playing the game. He’s self taught, and he got so good that nobody wants to play with him in gambling. That didn’t stop him from finding someone oblivious though.

- Cody’s alternate job idea was to be a doctor. He already had an interest in medical studies, so why not? I’d say his parents would be against it, but they don’t pay attention to him anyway. They wouldn’t care if he became a felon.

- Cody was used to the smell of alcohol. It’s his oxygen. But he managed not to end up like his parents. This is because in the fifth grade he had his first encounter with drugs. But he hated the taste so he trashed it. He later researched and found out about all the horrible stuff that they do to people, so he set up a campaign in his school to protect kids from a death sentence. They listened because the kid who offered Cody the drugs died from overdose a month later. So... success on Cody’s part? He saved lives.

- Cody ran away from home one of these nights to get a doctor’s opinion, and he helped prevent Cody from an addiction himself. They’re good friends now.

- Cody had a dog. Her name was Darling. He adopted her from a puppy charity. She became his best friend for his preteen/teen years. She was well trained, loyal, and sweet hearted to everything Cody did.

- She got sick when he was fourteen. He tried to get his parents to take her to the vet, but they said it was pointless. So Cody stole their car and illegally tried to drive to the vet. Car crash. Only Cody survived. He had severely broken bones and was stuck in the hospital his entire Juvie time for the act.

- It took two weeks for the parents to realize what happened to their kid. They didn’t even bring up Darling’s death in the accident. They tried to bail Cody out of the hospital when he wasn’t ready to leave. They said he just needed some ice. Cody got so furious that he tried to use his good arm to punch his mom. At this point, the bottled up hatred for his family was set loose.

- Child services were finally called, and Cody was taken away.

- Cody was quickly adopted by a non-drinking family, but they were also overworked and ignored him. So Cody decided to devote his life to three things: Billiard gambling, medical school, and a girlfriend.

- When asked about his past, Cody would often answer that his adopted parents were his blood parents. Sometimes he would tell the truth, but he’d laugh off the entire thing like they’re funny stories. (Imagine Peritto from Puss N Boots. He has almost that exact attitude.)

- It was only for a short while, but Cody had an older stepbrother who was going off to college across the country. This is why Cody was adopted. The stepbrother was a musician, and treated Cody like a bro. He was offered to write a song for the guy, and Cody spent sleepless nights perfecting this song. The song flopped, but it’s dear to the stepbrother even after he left their lives. I say that, but he and Cody are pen pals.

- Cody would later use his internet presence to try and write more songs as a hobby. He felt uncomfortable with singing, but he wanted to at least inspire other musicians and not just be a nerd on medical studies on YouTube. Which by the way, were videos that were torn down because he was not a professional.

- Cody’s school life is pretty separate to his home life. Despite being a straight A student, he’s your average joe. He’s smart when he needs to be, he’s helpful with projects, he’s decently social but doesn’t belong in a group, and he’s horny middle school onwards. He wasn’t popular, he wasn’t hated, he was just there.

- Cody is insecure about his appearance. He draws himself as this buff hot guy that girls fall over.

- Cody has a private journal. It’s full of NC-17 drawings. Mostly of women. One day he accidentally mixed up this journal for his math notebook, so because they were checking notes that day, a teacher found the journal. And she was a real Karen of a teacher, so she was NOT happy. It was presented to the whole class, who laughed at him. Cody was given detention for ‘inappropriate gestures’, but that was NOTHING compared to the sheer EMBARRASSMENT of the situation. Nowadays, he isn’t sorry.

- Why is Cody uncomfortable with singing? He took a music class in middle school because of there being no room in his ambitious classes. He lost his voice on the day of a chorus concert. He sang anyway. He was so ill sounding that it made babies cry hearing the choir. Next semester, he quit the class.

- Cody never got a girlfriend. They all found him creepy and a nice guy. Wish all girls rejected people like this in real life, but sadly I feel alone in this being easy.

- Cody has a few friends. Not one friend group sticks every year, but Cody does have friends. They’re all boys. He doesn’t have any female friends.

- Cody and Trent went to the same school. They weren’t friends, but Cody knew who he was even before the show.

- His stepbrother wrote to him about Total Drama.

- Does Cody even do much in the story?? Uh... (No. He doesn’t. I’m going freestyle here folks)

- The Noah sleeping kiss. These two could not talk to each other the same way for the rest of the season. (I could pull the trigger on Bi Cody though...)

- His obsession with Gwen is exactly as it seems in canon. It’s all looks. There’s not much to say.

- But canon showed Cody is at least a better person than most simps as he gets to accept Gwen and Trent’s bond over his own pleasure. Speaking of, this is how Cody and Trent actually met properly and respected each other. Cody recognized him and got to properly talk to him.

- It’s Trent who told off Cody regarding Gwen, not because Trent wants her, but because it’s simply disrespectful for any girl. Cody, in return, admires Trent.

- Cody and Owen are friends. The show forgot about this duo in Island. (Owen was the first headcanon post I did, and yet he’s been very disconnected with the other characters. Ouch.)

- Cody has PTSD after the bear mauling incident. He’s also scarred all over his torso. The show doesn’t show them because ‘that’s not TV advertising friendly’ (Fact: The show is evil, disrespectful, and harmful to people. In universe.)

- He also can’t look Beth in the eye anymore after that one. They are not friends.

- How did Cody not die? There was camera watching the incident. That guy saved him.

- Cody was hospitalized, and wasn’t taken to the resort until around the time of Trent’s elimination. The guy wasn’t there yet by the time Cody arrived.

- Cody, at first, just wanted to chill and live out the rest of the stay.

- The others watch the episodes every evening the show airs. Cody’s first witness of it was seeing the episode where Trent was eliminated. Everyone HATED the episode. Eva was throwing stuff at the screen, for example. Courtney was also running around hunting down Harold. By that point, she was invading other people’s rooms at midnight just to find him.

- Harold was the only one not showing up to anything, but at first, it didn’t seem to concern Cody since they never talked before.

- But then Cody got his own room, and he was ready to unpack in there...

- Harold was hiding under the bed.

- They both freaked out. A lot.

- Harold begged for Cody to not turn him in to Courtney. And since Cody gained nothing either way, he agreed. So now Cody had a roommate he was stuck with. Cody also offered to get some barbeque for them both, as Harold was practically starving.

- On that errand, Trent was just arriving to the resort, and Cody was the first to run into him and talk to him. (And Katie and Sadie, who were bawling over what happened to Trent) Cody was a little bitter with Trent, as he knew no regret when he saw it (Trent and Heather’s kiss). Trent tried to tell him that Heather used him, and what he was supposed to believe, and Cody told him off that Trent was stupid for believing that, as there was no reason for him to. It was TRENT who told CODY to respect women, and then Trent goes on to ignore logic just to get a petty clingy impulse in. Men are better than that.

- Trent claimed that Cody, with his own impulse, would never know the feeling of betrayal, and Cody stated that maybe he wouldn’t, and maybe he was as naïve, but at least he was loyal to the girl he found himself with. (Which, you know, would turn into a FLAW later down the line)

- From there, Cody’s kind of lost respect for Trent and Gwen’s relationship, and secretly hoped they broke up. Does that mean he isn’t friends with them both? No. He still is. This is one of few times he lets his grudge out aloud.

- Justin joining them... he helped out Cody when he first got to the resort, and offered some beauty tips for the kid, as he asked for it. Then Justin noticed Cody going to his room with what is basically catering, and he got concerned, so he followed him to his room. And he found out Cody was keeping Harold. It was awkward seeing him there, but both of them basically held Justin hostage until he promised not to tell anyone about this.

- Harold, while Cody was gone, also found Cody’s songwriting notebook. Cody was embarrassed about it and called him out, but Harold praised his work, much to Cody’s surprise. Harold even asked Justin if he had any music talent, and Justin admitted his talent was looking pretty. But he could learn an instrument if he’d look good with it. Cody called this out and said it was for the skill.

- Basically, Cody is the songwriter for the Drama Brothers, and the heart of the group.

- Justin came by to visit and help every once in awhile (by help I mean just stand there and use Harold as a dog scraping off your plate) And Cody was basically the caretaker sharing a bed with the guy. (Take that any way you will, Cody and Harold shippers. This obviously means they’re FRIENDS.)

- Harold even opened up to Cody about his rigging of Courtney, and why he’s being hunted. All Cody could say was how much of a jerk Duncan seemed, but it was chill since Cody himself didn’t have personal problems with the punk. (Yet)

- Unfortunately, Courtney began to track down the situation, and Harold was on his own. Cody had to get them both out of there and hide Harold in a shower. (Again. FRIENDS.) And... the stall they picked had Trent in it.

- Cody had a lot of explaining to do, and ironically, Trent was the calmest one about it. Trent wanted to help, and he also said that Cody had a point before. Trent did care what people thought of him a little too much. It’s something he wish he could drop about himself, but can’t. In fact, all four of the Drama Brothers seem to have that exact same flaw, so they would get along well and work together with combining egos.

- The Drama Brothers didn’t become official yet, but the ideas were being tossed around. Mostly it was Cody being more comfortable with showing people his songs, and Trent helping with his guitar. The band idea also gave Cody the brilliant idea to make himself hotter by sunburning his entire body. Brilliant.

- He wasn’t in Action. Idk what to tell you.

- Cody didn’t know who to side with when it came to Trent and Gwen. They were both his friends. He knew there had to have been a reason for Gwen to break up with Trent, even if he didn’t understand this side of Trent being exposed via medication withdrawal. (Yeah, that’s the best explanation I can come up with. I’ll subject myself to the pain if you guys ask for a Trent headcanon)

- So when the fanbase was on Trent’s side, Cody was not. He avoided Trent, who would not even NOTICE Cody’s been avoiding him until AFTER the season was over. Cody mostly stayed around Noah because he was the one sane person in the VIP section.

- Gwen over time has appreciated Cody not despising her for the breakup. She was the one who advised Cody to make the Drama Brothers with Trent. Just because Trent wanted to cut all ties with Gwen, doesn’t mean Cody should pick a side and choose between them.

- So Cody reluctantly went back to talking to Trent, who just said “Oh hi Cody, been awhile, how you been?” (Yep. He didn’t even notice Cody’s attitude.)

- Thus, with assistance from Harold and Justin, the Drama Brothers were born. Trent was the lead singer and guitarist, Cody was the songwriter, Harold was the percussion, and Justin... was the eye candy.

- They became a modest success due to the show giving them names, and Cody got quite a few fans. At first, he was excited at the idea of a fan club of his own, and even understood Trent’s attitude a little better.

- Then Harold disbanded from them out of an ego. It left Trent Cody and Justin on their own losing their popularity. They tried to pull through without Harold, but Cody was doing most of the work now, especially when Justin is... Justin, and Trent was more focused on pleasing his fans and associating with his new date, Sadie.

- One time, Trent and Justin didn’t even show up in the album sale, and Cody was by himself. At the very end of it, when the store was closing, Trent showed up as if he was late. Cody was not happy, and called him out on his ego, his treatment towards Gwen, and there was quite a bit of foul language thrown in there. He even said “Gwen did nothing wrong”. If he ever got a girlfriend, he would ALWAYS be there for his girl and respect what they want even if Trent won’t.

- A certain uber fan was actually AT THE STORE at the time, and HEARD all of that. Then that was their vow to be the love interest for Cody.

- It was MONTHS before Cody and Trent spoke again, at Celebrity Manhunt.

- It was before the search party left the bus to get help that Trent got to talk to Cody. And unfortunately, Cody was the one who apologized for what he said, not Trent. Trent just showed his devotion to Sadie and his personal interactions with his fans, and suddenly Cody was the one in the wrong. (You’re supposed to not agree with that.)

- Oh boy... okay, look, I don’t like Sierra. She’s probably one of my least favorite characters of the entire show. I can’t stand her in any scene she’s in. The question is, will that affect how I’m writing this?

- Short answer: YES. I’m NOT SORRY.

- Canon pretty much nailed how Cody felt about the relationship. He was miserable beginning to end, and he only chose to be nice to her because he’s that kind of person, and to get her to stop whining. It was a perfect guilt trip tactic to use so he didn’t try to get rid of her.

- And when approached to his friends about it, they just laughed. They saw it as quirky and cute, and Cody was lucky to have her because she was a girlboss. (Because that’s how TV framed it) So Cody thought HE was the problem.

- Cody is the only person in the entire cast that didn’t hate Gwen. Instead he hated Duncan. He openly stated that he had no idea why Gwen was cancelled and Duncan wasn’t. She was a brainwashed victim who had been through too much. Sierra deleted his response and made a claim that he lied and was on tea drugs. (You know, that SHE gave him.)

- Sierra even FORGED her MARRAIGE with Cody at one point. That’s not me. That’s CANON. Just so you know how F’d up it is.

- The reason he eventually turned towards her in the end was because she remembered his birthday. Something no one did.

- This put a big strain on Cody’s other relationships. Like any abusive relationship does. Before he could do anything, she posted to the entire fanclub about their marriage, she shoved him in a suitcase to take him on a honeymoon to France, and even barged into Cody's family's house to take the guest room. Where's Sierra's parents? They ditched their constant attempts at a restraining order a long time ago.

-But because she remembered his birthday, Cody allowed all of this and even tried to tell his housemates it was fine. They proceeded to try and show Sierra kindness. Did she return the favor? No. Especially not when Cody tried to go ANYWHERE without her.

-I talked about Cody's dynamics with certain people in the Harold, Heather, and Gwen post. So I'll be repeating myself if you didn't see those.

-Gwen and Cody kept in touch. Gwen needed it after her cancelation with the entire world. Of course they didn't see each other too much because both of them are in very complicated relationships. (Go see my Gwen headcanon post for more details on her side.) Duncan just complained and moved on without doing anything to prevent it, especially when he learned Cody was against Duncan himself and not Gwen. He just said "I don't like Cody, but whatever." Sierra though? She blocked all contacts Cody had with Gwen when she found out he was TALKING to her ABOUT A HAPPY MEAL. For the longest time, Cody couldn't explain to Gwen that it was Sierra's doing, so Gwen thought that Cody too ditched her because of cancelation.

-In case you're wondering what Cody's reaction was to Duncan's arrest... no comment. No care. He had it coming.

-Heather and Cody are in touch, but they don't talk as often. Most of the time, Cody treats her as someone to vent to. Heather doesn't want to be that person. Especially when she, ironically, had a much happier relationship and eventual marraige.

-Sierra was fine with Harold being around Cody because was a dude and therefore wasn't a threat. Yep. In case you didn't hate her enough, she is homophobic. (Blame the show airing in the 2000s)

- It's also because Harold is a co-worker for the Drama Brothers. So they kind of have to be around each other.

-Cody got into K/Pop thanks to Harold.

- Harold and Cody do Ninjago marathons. Trent and Justin are very casual bystanders to their fandom. They also did a roleplay together once. (In case you're wondering, Cody was Kai. Harold was Jay. Trent was Zane. Justin was Cole.)

-Cody went to med school. He was a modestly successful student. But he didn't like Sierra constantly screaming at the Internet to support him. When Cody asked her to stop, he got NASTY responses. By the Internet, because Sierra posted "Cody's being mean to me... *crying emoji X10*"

-Sierra loves the gap between his tooth. So Cody asked Justin and his co-students at med school to help him remove it. So he had braces for three years to get rid of it.

-It became a cast at one point because when he came home, Sierra didn't recognize him with the braces, thought it was an impostor, and punched his jaw into a hospital. She apologized for not recognizing him. Nothing else.

-Justin retired from the Drama Brothers to move to Hollywood North. And Trent is taking care of his family. Cody keeps the name afloat, but he doesn’t see Harold too often because he’s bitter from Harold spending more time with his career than helping him with his unhappy marriage. (Go see my Harold headcanons for more details)

-Cody was still writing to his stepbrother, wishing he came back. He was a little bitter when he learned he was married and was having a baby, but he didn't say anything and supported it. Why was he bitter? Because it meant he had a new family and moved on, and he couldn't be there for Cody.

-Cody was begging for Harold to be with him because Sierra was at his writs end. But he wasn't. He called Cody selfish as Cody never once considered Harold's problems. (Again, see Harold's headcanons for more details on that) His advise: Get a divorce.

-Heather snapped at Cody about the same thing: Get a divorce.

-Cody said "That's not fair to Sierra. She really is a good person who cares about me. There's no reason to dump her for one or two quirks of his." (Every Sierra stan yelling at me when reblogging)

-Cody's basically learned that if you submit to the girl, you have things easy. But you're sexist if you dump her, no matter what your reason is. Do everything your stalker says, do what they want, follow all their rules, marry them, and shut out everyone else in your life, THEN you will have free will to get a career you want. But not before that do you have a choice. (This is supposed to be a BAD MESSAGE. DO NOT FOLLOW THIS.)

-Become a big part of your wife's blog? Do it. Don't complain.

-Move into some fancy rich place? Do it. Don't complain.

-Dump your job interview for a date? Do it. Don't complain.

-She wants to use your utensils? Do it. Don't complain.

-Dress up a certain way? Do it. Don't complain.

-A ton of sexual content I can't put into details because of social media restraints? Do it. Don't-NO I WOULDN'T LIST ANY OF IT ANYWAY, JUST IMAGINE WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.

-Alcohol? Do... he can't. That's a trigger. He's not doing it. He's leaving the bar. He's running away.

-He denies all phone calls from Sierra, not wanting to be around her. He can't do it anymore. (No, she's not alcoholic, but she saw no problems with a bar date one time.) He so happens to run away to a vet, and he finds a box of puppies. It helps calm him down a little.

-Later on in the night, he tries to call someone to talk to. He had to find Gwen's contacts again after Sierra's hacking. Heather was unavailable. Trent and Justin were out of the country. That left Harold. He DOES pick up, and they talk a little...

-And then there's just static on his end.

-Cody's running to Harold's apartment, and he finds Harold on the floor overdosed from a bad take of medication. Cody took care of him the entire night and saved him. He is a doctor, after all.

-Cody stayed at Harold's place to take care of him. He constantly got calls from Sierra, but Cody kept denying them. He eventually had to throw his phone on the streets and use Harold's phone so Sierra didn't track him.

-Cody got Harold some doctors and therapists, friends of his, to help out, but Cody pretty much lived next door to Harold. He's wealthy enough to afford that. Harold did get better, and there weren't any more incidents, but the guy was a mental mess. (Again, Harold headcanon post for more details on what happened. Or Heather's, that reveals it too.)

-Cody and Harold both got to apologize for being selfish about their situations. Both forgiven. They were just glad to see each other.

-Cody ended up adopting a puppy. He named her Skylor. (Again, his Ninjago bias shows)

-This was the best two years Cody had in a long time. No Sierra, no drama, just being neighbors with a friend, and taking care of a dog. A dog that does not die this time.

-He became a co-editor in Harold's YouTube videos, and it was a much healthier online presence because Harold doesn't talk about real life on it and talks about media opinions and does gamer roleplays. (...don't look at me like that.) He did however draw the line with Harold's hatred for Harry Potter. How dare he.

-Cody got Gwen's contacts back. He was able to explain to her that Sierra blocked them and he cared about her. As a friend. (He's pretty much over Gwen romantically now.)

-Cody and Trent started calling again. It was casual and they purposefully kept romance drama out of it. This was the best way they could maintain a friendship. Cody could care less about Trent's relationship with Sadie. Do what ya want guitar boi.

-He also got to reunite with Heather, Alejandro, and Leshawna, who had a daughter. (Yeah he knew about that already cause Harold told him, but still) He was a little rocky with Alejandro, but they didn't try to start fights.

-He found Noah again at his college campus. They got on good terms and became acquaintances again. Though Cody was a little confused on why Noah was in a romantic relationship with Owen, without any sex. (Blame Sierra for him not understanding how that works.)

-Cody was able to talk to all of these people (except for Noah) about his incident with Sierra, down to the sexual details he had nightmares about from time to time. Leshawna was the one who sympathized the most, because a similar case was how she got her daughter (though in her case she had more of a say in it and chose it in the end).

-All their advice: Get a divorce. Never go back to her. He is much better off without Sierra. It's not mean. It's looking out for himself.

-Trent Facetimed Cody and Harold once, and a nice co-worker dude (Cameron) was in the call. Slip of the tongue, Cody said to Cameron, "That's cute of you." But no one said anything. Cody became self conscious after that. He had to talk to Noah later about what happened. Noah gave him a book about understanding bisexuality.

-Yeah, pull the trigger on Bi Cody. Why not.

-When Cody realized it, the first person he came out to about it was Gwen, when he was helping her with her music. (Gwen headcanon post for more reference on her career.) Gwen took it very casually. It helped Cody's confidence in figuring about himself more. He can be proud of this.

-Then Sierra found him.

-She was worried SICK. She thought he was dead. She planned his funeral. He should've told her she was kidnapped by Harold.

-Cody went back with her. She overwhelmed him with care and smooches. Harold was betrayed by that, but understood. It was Cody's choice.

-Sierra became more overbearing than ever, and didn't let ANYONE go anywhere NEAR him. Talk to Cody? Blocked. Maybe punched in the face. Stand in the same room as Cody? Prepare to be assassinated (not literally). All Cody had was the puppy. Their 'baby'.

-Then Trent came to visit when he heard from Harold what happened. He was greeted with a sock to the eye.

-That was it. Sierra got sued. She defended herself and claimed she was protecting Cody from an 'evil man'. She believed she would get off Scott free from the trial, as Cody would explain everything.

-And he didn't. He defended Trent.

-Sierra claimed he was brainwashed, and brought up that Trent turned to the dark side after Gwen dumped him. Love can do that to a person.

-Cody asked what she knew about love.

-She claimed she loved Cody. She loved him so much-

-No she doesn't. All she wanted was to use him for her little fanfictions of Total Drama. So her little Cody X Reader fic was canon.

-She defended that she tried to be good to everyone on the show. All her peers. But they didn't understand her. They were all toxic. They didn't understand she was quirky-

-Being quirky was no excuse. Sierra was the toxic one. And toxic people don't deserve sympathy.

-So in the court, Cody filed a divorce. Harold helped forge Sierra's signature.

-Sierra begged and told him he didn't want to leave her.

-YES. HE. DID.

-Cody left the court after that, not even hearing the results. He made sure all ties with Sierra were cut, and he would never see her again.

-He eventually heard what happened. Trent was decreed Not Guilty. Sierra got a big fine. So she did not go to jail. But by the time she got home, Cody was moved out and long gone, officially staying in that apartment as Harold's neighbor with Skylor the dog.

- Harold and Cody took a vacation to California to see Justin. They were happy to see each other again and bring back a band of friends. Justin even let them be around his paparazzi's, and tell them these were his friends.

- Trent came back to the band. Though Justin was out from where he lived, the remaining three Brothers did some music videos on Harold’s channel. Even though Trent’s not a fan of the genre, he let them do a bit of K/Pop.

-In terms of Cody and Trent after the assault, Trent didn't blame Cody at all, and was just really proud of him. Trent was in the court when it happened. But Cody found out that Trent recorded the entire thing and posted it online. The comments were... 50/50. Some were proud of Cody, some claimed Sierra did nothing wrong. Cody didn't care. Trent and Cody were good friends again.

-Another thing Cody did was go to a pride club. He met Noah and Owen at that pride club. And Cameron was there, so they got to talk and properly meet each other.

-Cody focused more on himself after all of this. He pursued is music. He became a well paid doctor. He had a good dog. He had some good friends and potential bf? It's just a crush.

-Cody would be there to talk to anyone on his blogs how to detect an abuser, stand up to them, and leave them. He wanted to prevent others from going through what he did more than anything. Not a lot were able to get out of it. He was lucky he could. It's the least he could do.

(Unlike my last headcanon post, Cody gets a better ending. Or, I say that. I don't write these as life memoirs that end when they die. I am not the biggest Cody fan, and this took awhile to make cause Cody is a side character with not a lot to work with. That shouldn't be an excuse though, we're all the protagonists of our own stories. But I do like Cody, and I do feel bad for him and I wanted to give Cody an ending better than what the show called 'a good ending'. Total Drama has a relationship problem. When I first watched the show, I thought I was gonna hate Cody, as he reminded me of a lot of people I knew in real life, people who bullied and harassed me to no end. But no. Episode 8, he won me over as he proved he wasn't like that. Respect. Now SIERRA, that is the exact character I thought Cody was gonna be. You can harass me for making her an antagonist in this all you want, but I will NOT apologize. But there's other factors that played in me doing Cody next: TDDRI, short end of the stick there. And you guys messaged me a lot of questions regarding Cody, so I thought why not?)

Check out my other headcanon posts on TD characters, I put a lot of effort into them, and let me know if you want me to do someone else:

Owen:

Gwen:

Heather:

Duncan:

Harold:

Courtney:

#total drama #headcanons #td cody #td harold #td trent #td sierra #td justin #td gwen #td heather #td noah #td cameron #total drama island #total drama world tour #tw abuse

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bohemian-nights · 8 months

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one of the things that frustrated me the most about Hotd S1 is how dumbnyra is passed off as "soulmates/one true love" while messing with their other relationships, which I don't know if it's intentional, but it seems to repeat the pattern, and I think that was...lazy. criston and mysaria are the people they have sex with on screen, but "end" in bitter terms (coincidence that criston is a POC and Mysaria played by an asian woman? Hmm) harwin and laena are they long-time lover/wife they flirt in episode 5 and they are together for exactly 10 years (judging by the age of the children, conception probably synchronized🥴) and as if that weren't enough, they both die by fire. the only break in this pattern would be Netty, but now I'm afraid they'll ruin that in dumbnyra's favor by giving netty's agency to rhaenyra and daemon's as well, since he's looking more like Rhaenyra's watchdog than the rogue prince that we know, seriously, his peak in the first season was the fight on stepstones

The show is racist(yeah the way they approached Mysaria and Criston was messed up especially in Mysaria’s case since they took away elements of her story and made her speak in that atrocious accent, but it’s not my culture so I’m not really going to speak on it) and especially anti-Black as hell(which I will speak on especially since they seem to have a problem specifically with Black women; see how they screwed over Laena at every turn by turning her into an unloved unwanted woman the moment they race bent her, and the fandom literally celebrated it because they are anti-Black too), but they passed off Dumbnyra as soulmates?🥴

I have a hard time believing this when Daemon literally choked Rhaenyra out in the finale(which isn’t book canon which means they chose to write this and put it in there when they didn’t have to). Mind you this happened after she just gave birth to lizard and she just lost her father. He also keeps abandoning her every five seconds, and though they screwed over his relationship with Laena they actually wound up cutting down Dumbnyra’s time together(and he was shown to be softer with Laena ironically; yes the bar is in hell, but its something 🤷🏽‍♀️).

Plus older!Rhaenyra and Daemon have exactly 0 chemistry which does matter since a major component of romance is yah know chemistry (which is another reason why their fans are always whining, over-compensating, backtracking after they said Rhaenyra would change Daemon so now they say that they love toxicity, and obsessing over Laena and Nettles even though they are “irrelevant and meant nothing” to Daemon🙃).

If that’s them turning Dumbnyra into soulmates I’d like to see what they would do to show that Daemon doesn’t give a rats a** about Rhaenyra🤣 What have him return from the Battle Above the Gods Eye and un-alive her himself🤣(lol Dumbnyra stans would still find someway to turn it into a win).

With Nettles I’ll remain cautiously optimistic cause if they screw her over it is misogynoir and the second Black love interest they screwed over due to their own biases(and the show would need to be called out and threatened with a boycott for that), but it won’t be because of them making Dumbnyra into soulmates.*

*At least this isn’t the way I’d write soulmates(hell one of my other OTPs, Olitz, had major problems, but even at their most toxic, Fitz never choked out Olivia. Shonda knew not to do that). So if this is the writer's attempt at doing that then they truly are certifiably insane in addition to being racist c*nts.

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tragedy-peanut-gallery · 2 months

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Hello, I know it happened a long time ago, but in one of your posts about headcanons of our beautiful tragic queen Naerys, if someone asked you about headcanons of other characters maybe you would answer them. I would like to hear your headcanons about Daenerys daughter of Naerys (Her life at court, hobbies, possible dragon, her relationship with her entire family, Daemon and the prince of Dorne, did she have the same taste as her mother in clothing and religious faith? ) and Rhaenyra, about almost the same thing.

Oh hell yah, thank you for sending an ask!!

- Daenerys I think was most likely kept away from court for most of her childhood by Naerys and eventually Daeron when she went into his custody because in all fairness I doubt Aegon’s court was really a good place to be for a princess, but she would’ve had more of a chance to build a small social circle of friends for herself when her brother became king!

- As for hobbies, I could see her as loving dancing and horseback riding. If I could give her any special interest it would absolutely be map collecting, as a kid Naerys promised her they would travel everywhere so she spent a lot of time gathering maps on where she wanted to go, and it just kinda snowballed from there lol. Her room in Dorne probably has a giant atlas of the world made of sewn together maps that she spent a good couple of years making lol

- For a possible dragon…. Honestly the most likely would’ve been Morning I think, but man if I can pick any for her it would absolutelyyyyy be Meleys. Like, not to use the show as a reference but a red dragon with bright copper horns that look like a sun??? That’s so thematically pleasing come on!!!!

- For familial relationships, she absolutely loved her mother, but was probably too young to really understand the concept of death when Naerys passed. She does love Daeron and Myriah as her secondary parents (we don’t talk about Aegon), and was likely raised to think of their sons as her brothers. Her favourite sibling though was likely Shiera, just cause she was happy to have a baby sister <3

- As for romantic relationships though….. I could see her and Daemon having a mutual childhood crush because they were raised in an environment that saw sibling relationships as normal, but both kinda grew out of it as they became more and more distant, and like- yaknow, got married and all. Until canon says otherwise I’m absolutely putting Maron’s age as just a few years older than her because idk- don’t like the idea of a sixteen year old marrying a thirty-five year old man, but in any case I think their relationship was polite but distant for the first few years of marriage. She really fell in love with him when he made the water gardens for her <3

- When it comes to faith, no doubt in her early years she was taught a lot about the seven by Naerys, but I can’t really see her being particularly religious? Especially not after her mom died. She’d still kinda respect the faith because that is what’s expected of a woman in her society, but she doesn’t go out of her way to pray every single day for sure.

I’m really sorry, I don’t really have much on Rhaenyra because she isn’t really a character that I think about that much 😭 the best I can give is one headcanon about her and her siblings:

- Which is! Idk I think she was initially really happy when Aegon and Helaena were born, because she was like- ten, didn’t initially have a bad relationship with Alicent yet and wasn’t aware of the political ramifications of Aegon’s existence. Idk!! I could see her picking out the shiny gold egg for her baby bro so they could have matching dragons and begging for her baby sister to be named Visenya and playing with them! Sue me I like a little joy before the tragedy starts!

#asoiaf asks #daenerys of dorne #rhaenyra targaryen

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hidingoutbackstage · 1 year

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hey Sid! any thoughts on the “jill physically ages slower because of her t virus infection” stunt that capcom has decided to pull?

Angels, the lot of you <3

Yes the most recent stunt with Jill is infuriating, we all agree with this. The reason for it, at least in my opinion, is that this is a mix of several individually infuriating things culminating in a mistreatment of one of Capcom’s most popular characters for, conceivably, no reason

Reason number 1 why it sucks: It’s laziness. Instead of modeling a new version of Jill from a face model or even from her preexisting design, they decided to use the Jill that was made for r3make. Timeline-wise, they are using a version of Jill Valentine from 17 years ago. Jill is 41 now. She would not look identical to her 24 year old self. But because the people making this movie didn’t feel like putting in the effort for a new design, they decided to reuse this asset and call it a day

However this isn’t the first time Capcom (and its associates since apparently people get mad when I say “Capcom” as if this project is completely separate from the company that the IP belongs to) has reused assets in a lazy way. I have bitched about it a lot, and I will continue to, but the heavily anticipated DLC to Resident Evil: Village is 90% premade assets. Two, maybe three enemies are original? All sets and character models and outfits and props and weapons are things that have been in other games (mostly Village) though. So is this behavior of reusing models and that being deemed a job well done disappointing? Yes. But it isn’t surprising.

Reason number 2 why it sucks: The nonchalant excuse as to why Jill does not age shows a lack of care for canon on the part of whoever decided this lore addition was in any way appropriate, consistent, or hell even coherent in any way. The explanation goes “Jill has always harbored a sense of justice and responsibility, but when she was captured by an enemy during the incident at the Spencer residence, she was subjected to T-virus infection and mind control, causing her to instead aide in the act of bioterrorism. Even after Jill was rescued by Chris, the viral side effects lingered, affecting her body's cell division, and while this suppressed her aging, she also had to contend with the mental after-effects.” Which is fucking bullshit. The T-virus has no side effects that would lead to anything like this. The purpose of the T-virus is to be infectious and to give its host extreme durability and strength. None of that correlates to the physical halt of aging. Not only that, but Jill wasn’t even subjected to T-virus infection WHEN Wesker kidnapped her. She was subjected to a mind control drug. The T-virus was dormant in her system since her infection and curing in Raccoon City in 1998

However once again this is nothing new. Rewriting canon/not understanding canon is something RE has done before. I could go into depth about ALLLLL the things Shadows of Rose did that contradicted a lot of pre-established ideas (rapid fire: HWS still operating under the same name 16 years later, Chris legit asking a teenager to be part of a military group, an infected individual getting to attend public school, none of these line up with the already established world we know) but I’ll be more lenient and talk about RE6. Leon calls the President in that game, Adam Benford, his “friend.” However Leon also states that Benford was the one who recruited Leon into US-STRATCOM which, if you’ll recall, is something Leon was blackmailed into when Sherry’s life was threatened. If Benford was the one to do that, how would Leon consider him a friend? How does his blackmail regarding Sherry never come up despite them both being in this game?

Reason number 3 why it’s sucks, and the biggest one: Women aren’t allowed to age. Plain and simple. Men are, women aren’t. Women are supposed to be young, always, and we’re just supposed to accept that.

Okay okay I’ll elaborate. With a list of RE women and how I think literally every single one falls victim to this

Rebecca is the youngest member of S.T.A.R.S. when we first meet her, in fact she’s so young she just became a legal adult (which makes 26 year old Billy hitting on her 100x creepier) and before Vendetta, 0 and 1 were her only appearances, this kid-aged girl. I won’t get into how misogynistic her treatment in Vendetta is btw but that’s also there

Claire Redfield is a staple of this series but she does not age much. We see her last (in game form not manga form although the manga made Claire look stupidly young there too) in Revelations 2 where she seems to have grown up, but with 2, CV, Degeneration, and ID, she’s always got a very youthful appearance and almost always a red jacket because y’know this is that young girl from the first game. The cool, hot red jacket and her high ponytail (that’s kind of a “young” look imo) is frustrating

Sherry Birkin stopped aging at 20 for no reason other than to look young and hot yet still at a legal age for all male players playing this game (and possibly so she looks Jake’s age? Which makes no sense because they could’ve made Jake any age but w/e)

Sheva Alomar, Chris’ partner in 5, is Sherry’s age. Even when this woman is meant to be Chris’ equal, she’s still young and attractive

Helena is even younger than Sherry, by I believe 5 years, and she’s Leon’s partner for 6.

Mia Winters is a beautiful young woman who’s being contrasted against the horrors of RE7 and gets a cute domestic housewife role in RE8, where she is shoved aside, given blue eyes (to make her look prettier I assume since her eyes were brown before) and quietly never mentioned again after the ending despite her daughter being a protagonist for the DLC

Oh yeah and Rose Winters is 16 when she goes on her journey because yeah women have to be young this is the standard.

Even as much as I hate the Lords in RE8, Miranda is still a woman over 200 years old who is youthful and beautiful, along with Lady D despite presumably also being very old.

The only “old” women in this series who actually appear that way that I could think of off the top of my head were “the hag” from 8, who is supposed to be unsettling, and Marguerite Baker from 7 (Eveline’s “grandma” form doesn’t count) who again is supposed to freak you out in her appearance and demeanor.

Jill fucking Valentine is now the latest in this list of character assassinations. My biggest, and I really mean biggest this time, problem is that all of this is fine. Capcom signs off on these lore-breaking explanations and half-assed projects because it doesn’t matter to them. Because they know we’re gonna check this out no matter what. It’s Resident Evil! It’s really big stuff for this series! Why wouldn’t you watch it? You can overlook something as simple as Jill’s appearance, right?

Right?

#sid answers #sid rants #sid bitches #resident evil

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kasonkodd · 1 year

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more jayroy because everyone seemed to love my first one hehe hoho

ok so i have my own little canon of the whole batman timeline that ill… probably make a dif post about cause.. boy is it a lot. i know the basics timeline of how everything came to be but since I dont know all of it, i hc’d and filled in some gaps! (im SO able to adjust to real canon- i wont be a lil whiner if anything i made up doesnt fit or make sense. FEEL FREE TO EDUCATE ME… nicely.)

ALRIGHT soOO the reason I say all that is bc i feel like at one point, BABY Jay and Dick became close. I KNOOOOW I KNOW in the comics they had NNNOTHING to do with each other.. but like. imagine how cute???

so one day, Dick comes over to the manor with the intention of scooping his baby brother up. Maybe they were planning on getting a bite to eat somewhere. But then, Dick kinda springs on the idea of Jason maybe coming over to meet the titans! and at this point, I think hes with Cyborgggg, Starfiiireeee… Raven, BB.. YOU KNOW WHO THEY ARE. anyway. So Jay, oF COURSE, agrees because??? meeting Dicks team??? thats the coolest thing ever?? SO they grab their food then head over to the tower and on that day… Roy decided to show up…

now PAUSE. I know this is wack aging.. bbbut I put a lot of time and brain energy into making sure this makes sense. in current day. dick is 22 and jason is 19 (i think this is WFA logic but…) so back then.. jason was like roughly 13 making Dick 16ish?? so ROY being a bit older than both of them, would be aaabbbooout imma saaay 18? ok cool ya lets go with that.

resume. jason sees roy and is all woh!! awooga!! who is this handsome stud!!!??? and roy OBVIOUSLY doesn’t entertain this tiny baby puppy crush because?? thats a child. LMAO. Roy shows ZERO interest back. i need that to be VERY VVVERRRY clear. NONE. NO INTEREST. Dick sees this and teases Jason- which Jason protests that he doesn’t like roy like that cus ew!!! liking someone!!?? gross!!!

fast forward to like- Jason coming baaack, settling in as himself and red hood.. yknow. he already has done some team-ups with the bats,, eventually he has to do one with Arsenal.

this is the first time they’ve interacted since Jays been back. Roy’s got word of Red Hood- Jason Todd, being alive and… kinda well. at first Hood was scary, intimidating, rough and kinda mean? but once they got into that hotel room they had to have because they were outta town, he got to see Jason all soft and not as scary. and truthfully? He liked it a lot. He found more and more reasons to spend time with Jay.. have team ups and missions..

then, outlaws happened and those two were together almost 24/7. They were kicking ass- and this opportunity lead to them getting to actually know each other a loooot better. Roy found himself swooning. Jason was witty, charming and so funny.. not to mention how HANDSOME he was. he felt dumb. this was dicks little brother,, he couldn’t like him? thats weird right? though.. Jay was an adult who can make his own adult decisions on if he wanted to date Roy or not… and truthfully, Jay seemed a to still be a little into him... So, jokingly, one night- the two were doing their annual playful banter and in the middle Roy decided to pull that, “You wanna kiss me so bad.” card and. Yea. Maybe they DID end up making out… and lead to more… (kori was out dw, she didn’t witness this)

from there, Roys little feelings kept growing.. and even Jasons. Jay was completely head over heels. He felt like a moron- as if his puppy crush from years prior was clawing its way back…. but every meet up, every hotel room- every trope where there was one bed… every ki..kiss.. every.. naked cuddle-

LORD!!! What were they DOING. Even if it hurt to think this, Jay assumed they were just fuck buddies. He didn’t think Roy even liked him any other way.. but HOOOO did Roy want something more. and eventually, he brought it up. he asked what they were.. jason was like YOU TELL ME??? but then they had a serious talk and by the end of it? they were boyfriends EEEE!!!

then… the domestication began… but thats for another time UH WINK.

#dc comics #dceu #dcmultiverse #batfam #dc #dc batman #dc universe #jason todd #jason todd needs a hug #jason peter todd #red hood #roy harper #arsenal #jayroy #royjay #robin!jason #dick grayson #nightwing #dc robin

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ladyluscinia · 5 days

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OMG, I read your essay on Destiel and that person yelling "how dare you" was absolutely hilarious! That's some meme material for TvTropes. I didn’t realize Suletta was a quite ambiguous ship like Victuri. What are they even bragging about while calling Destiel queer baiting? Both ships had the same "will they be canon or not" rocky path, but theirs with less homophobic writers.

At least that person apologized and admitted they didn't actually have any background knowledge on Destiel, which is easily the best interaction I had off that poll. They were mad at meme voters and I was quipping about different meme voters and maybe meme voters that love to flood polls to talk shit are the insufferable element here, you know?

The whole canon details thing was something to realize - though I don't think "ambiguous" is the word. Like, they are a pretty clear part of their show's canon, same as Destiel and Victuuri. I don't think lacking an onscreen kiss makes them less canon or anything. If we really want to get into it, trying to pretend there's a clear dividing line between undeniable canon and not (or blessed text vs barbarous subtext) is a mindset that probably causes more harm than good.

Like - subtext is part of the text. It's an element that writers, actors, set designers, etc. put into the story deliberately, and things can be both subtext and really obviously conveying a specific thing (ex: romantic feelings). Not all subtext is equally "open to interpretation" yeah.

If we say "no actually your really blatant subtext is still not real canon unless it's textual in these ways" then we raise the question of what even counts as textual. Is living together and wearing wedding rings textual if we don't acknowledge a marriage any other way? What about if it's from a culture that doesn't wear rings? It also kind of insultingly bakes in a certain level of assumed audience stupidity, where something can be the most obvious conclusion to the information you've been given by the writers but you still have to pretend you don't know it for sure because...? Like the main things you accomplish with arbitrary lines are a) making it easier for bad writing to count as canon than good since it's more likely to be blunt / shallow, b) giving the people with the least creative control (censors) the most say over who gets to cross the lines, and c) devaluing ships that actually try to build up a relationship over time (like well-written straight couples have done for ages) because they are "just ambiguous subtext" until they aren't.

It's a lot more accurate to recognize canon comes in various forms, and "plausible deniability that isn't actually plausible at all if you watch the show" is a big one.

Like I haven't seen the anime so I won't make sweeping claims, but basic example from multiple sources explaining the show premise - the fact that the girls get engaged in episode 1 as near-strangers because of a whole pre-established political / business marriage arrangement between the best fighter and the prized daughter... if you're a writer trying to make sure you can have your f/f ship married in the endgame, having it be a plot point to guarantee access to Bride/Groom queercoding through the whole series is a really good way to do that! And it's specifically queercoding with a "straight explanation" even if it's insulting to both the writers and audience to pretend that holds up to scrutiny in the context of the whole series. I know this because I've seen those sorts of tactics a lot.

It's just really interesting how the difference between a queerbait, a will-they won't-they, and a canon slowburn can often be determined by how positive any given fan's feelings toward the ship, show, and writers are. It's hardly objective fact.

(EDIT: Oh and I didn't use wedding rings as an example because of the anime - it wouldn't even be a good one because they also have people referring to the girls as in-laws - I used it because it's a broadly understood cultural shorthand but also fundamentally "wearing literally any ring on this finger = dedicated romantic relationship" is super subtextual.)

#fandom culture #analysis #media #ask #anon #ladyluscinia

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jenniferdiazisatransgirl · 1 year

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I tend to try and not make a habit of calling people out. I find it frankly a waste of time and I want to be clear here, I do not encourage piling on other people.

However, 2 days ago I blocked @marcodiazappreciation due to their repeated harassment of both my blog and the trans Marco tag. I have been polite and patient with this individual, explaining the theory and the reasoning behind it, etc. And they repeatedly come at me and other blog still, telling us the theory is harmful.

Me blocking @marcodiazappreciation though, didn’t lead to them leaving me alone. Last night they find one of my side blogs and started messaging me on there which I find completely unacceptable. I blocked you. That isn’t an invitation to start talking to me elsewhere.

I did also say the lines of communication are open, yes. However, that was kinda contingent on you changing your behaviour and not coming at myself and the other blogs in the trans Marco section of the fandom every 6 months or so.

Also “a lie, much like this theory”. A theory is literally something not proven. That is all that trans Marco ever was, a theory. I have repeatedly said and acknowledged the canon of the show is that Marco is a cis het male with feminine interests.

I know that is the canon of the show and I have not tried to insinuate otherwise since it finished airing in 2019. Yes, me and other blogs in the tag fucking screw about but we are literally having fun enjoying a character who we all can see ourselves in.

And I am sincerely sorry that your friend was assaulted back in school for being a feminine cis man but do NOT fucking put that on me and a theory in a fucking cartoon. You think I wasn’t bullied and assaulted for being trans as a kid in school? I fucking was mercilessly right from primary (elementary) to high school. I was treated like shit because I did not conform to the ideals society has for a straight cis man.

But here is the thing, unlike straight cis men who have some representation if they are feminine. I’m thinking Ron Stoppable in Kim Possible in this instance, cos that was on TV when I was in school. I as a trans kid had NO fucking representation. I had NOTHING to tell me I was normal. NOTHING that showed my classmates there were people like me and to normalise that idea. Not in age appropriate media anyway.

Trans representation was largely in media targeted at older audiences and it almost always painted us as the the butt of the joke. I’m thinking Chandler’s Dad in Friends for example.

And fast forward to 2023, and that lack of representation of trans people in age appropriate media for kids remains very much true. Meanwhile straight cis male kids have their fucking pick when it comes to characters who represent them. Whether it is a male with feminine interests to your stereotypical cis het male.

Also maybe if you really were interested in the fucking harm being caused right now to straight cis males who present feminine, maybe your focus should be on bills in states like Tennessee and Texas and other states right now targeting drag but are very vague in their terminology that they could target almost anyone who presents in a gender non-conforming fashion in public.

That is the shit that fucking causes harm. Not trans people desperately trying to find any representation in media that consistently fails to fucking represent them.

And while I am now an adult and for media targeted at people my age there is a fair bit more positive trans rep. That still remains untrue for trans kids growing up right now, who are growing up in a world presently that is increasingly fucking hostile to their existence.

You want to play the fucking oppression contest, then lets fucking play. Straight cis men, regardless of walk of life are represented in every bit of media at this point from children’s media to adult media. Meanwhile the same for trans people cannot be said.

NO ONE is trying the erode the rights of straight cis men. Those trying to ban things like drag right now are doing so because they have inexplicably linked drag and crossdressing with trans people, maybe cos some trans people have used this as a means to express themselves before figuring themselves out. But the target of these bills is “protecting kids from the gay and trans agenda”. And yes, feminine straight cis men do evidently get caught in that fucking crossfire.

But right now, in that crossfire you have now decided to pick up a gun and you are firing at trans people.

The majority of trans people support gender non-conformity, the majority of trans people will see a real life person acting in a gender non-conforming fashion and not bat an eyelid. The majority of trans people, support people expressing their gender however they wish.

The side you are presently holding a gun for doesn’t. And that is not me saying you support Republican ideologies or those pushing similar ideals. This is me saying, turn around because the real fucking enemy is behind you.

You cannot blame the hatred and bigotry of others though on trans people having a theory related to a cartoon and desperately trying to seek representation in a place there is yet to be any. Generally, all the hate and discrimination targeted at cis het males who happen to be feminine is rooted in misogyny, homophobia and transphobia. So rather than attacking other groups who are likewise victims and not only victims but the intended targets of that same systemic oppression, maybe fight that systemic oppression.

NOTE: Some people may highlight The Owl House as now providing trans representation given the non-binary characters in the show. And as amazing as the show is, it is done in such a way that for younger audiences the fact Raine is non-binary could go over the heads of young viewers. Once again, the other non-binary character in the show is only noticeable cos of their nails being painted like a pride flag for their particular gender identity. Younger viewers might not have that knowledge of pride flags yet and it will likely once again go over their heads.

The Owl House is an AMAZING show and Dana Terrace has done an amazing job at progressing LGBT+ rep with her show. But through no fault of her own it is still sadly lacking in places, particularly on the trans front I’d argue.

#Marco diaz #raine whispers #trans marco #trans rights #lgbt+ rights #LGBT+ representation #lgbt+#discourse #Dana terrace #people #the owl house #svtfoe

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marypsue · 1 year

Note

Ahh also as an addendum to my previous ask about the age swap (which I might’ve accidentally labeled as the body swap fic due to the foibles of being awake unexpectedly early ), I was curious what your criticisms are regarding Robin and Will’s treatments by the Duffers? I know you’ve alluded to being bothered by both but I’d be curious to hear more ( if you have the time/hankering!)

Hooboy. Okay. Buckle in.

Obviously this is going to be a combination of actual literary analysis and Big Feelings That I Have, so like, please don’t take this as any kind of moral dictum on what to or not to watch, or how to or how not to interpret what you watch. Also, a lot of what makes me uneasy and unhappy about how canon deliberately handles queerness (as opposed to when it does queer things apparently by accident, which as you may have noticed, I have considerable amounts of fun with) has to do with behind-the-scenes context I’ve read about, so there’s a certain degree of Telephone involved. And I’m still only halfway through season four. There’s just so fucking much of it.

With all that said.

The behind-the-scenes context I’m most specifically concerned with are the season-one pitch bible(? I think that’s what it’s called) (which, it should be noted, ended up diverging in some quite significant ways from what ended up in the show) where the Duffers first raised the possibility that Will might be gay, and the anecdote that Joe Keery and Maya Hawke were the ones who decided Robin should be queer and had to really push for it and wrote and choreographed that scene in the bathroom. Put the two together, and it tells you that the Duffers planned that there would be One (potentially) Gay Character in their show.

And that character was the one they spent an entire season directing violent, vicious, eventually outright murderous homophobic hatred at through the mouthpiece of a couple of bullies. You can say what you want about revenge narratives and those characters ultimately getting their comeuppance, but for Me Personally, it sucks all the fun and escapism out of season one to watch it thinking that those bullies only got punished when they aimed that vitriol at someone to whom it didn’t literally apply. Also I still have to sit through however many episodes of that vicious homophobia onscreen regardless, so, like, that’s a walk in the park anyway. /sarcasm

And then there’s that whole bad business in season three, where it’s never been quite clear to me if we’re supposed to see Mike as having been in any way in the wrong. Kind of scuppers the argument, to me, that we’re supposed to be on Will’s side. And season four, which so far has had Will tagging along after people who are supposed to be his best friends but mostly don’t seem to give a single damn about him, doing absolutely nothing but looking morose and sullen and tragic and *coughcough* Artistic, and causing Problems for the nice straight couple.

(Tangential to the point I’m coming to, but also, my son deserves better than to be reduced to a soggy cardboard standee with ‘GAY’ scrawled across it in magic marker the way season four seems to be angling toward. All the Byers, but especially the Byers boys, deserve better than season four seems interested in giving them. But I digress.)

Also. I love Robin. If you follow me, you probably know that. I’m a hardcore, ride-or-die Robin girl. But. With Robin, from what I’ve heard of the context, the Duffers never intended for her to be queer. They wrote a girl who was smart and funny and sharp and talented and a little bit mean and a little bit insecure and a little bit weird but in an interesting, endearing way - as a love interest for Steve.

And then, as soon as season four rolled around, once they’d been pushed into making her canonically, on-screen queer (in a beautiful, tender, heartfelt, true-feeling scene that they didn’t fucking write), suddenly she’s had a complete personality transplant. Suddenly, she’s an awkward, bumbling, annoying loser who’s only funny when she’s the butt of the joke, who’s no good at anything and who nobody really likes except maybe for Steve, an outcast even amongst the freaks. When she does do something smart or competent, everyone around her reacts with shock, like it’s wildly out of character instead of how her character was originally written. One of these versions of Robin was written with ‘gay person’ in mind, and it unfortunately wasn’t the one we were obviously supposed to like.

In both cases, I get the feeling that the storytelling issues stem from this like...assumption that queerness equals isolation and misery and tragedy, and that there’s nothing to queerness outside of that. That there’s something inherent to queerness, something pitiable but repulsive, that causes the isolation and misery and tragedy (not that those things are imposed from outside, by, say, violent homophobia). That it would be absurd to imagine that queerness could ever be joyful, or playful, or that someone might ever, given the chance to choose, not choose to be straight instead. Or that there could be enormous friendship and community and heart and pride in queerness, or even that queer people might find friendship and community and strength in each other. Or even fucking talk to each other, ever.

Which is especially infuriating, because the whole central theme of season one (besides surface appearances being deceiving) is that community and care between people who are very different but discover they have more in common than there is that separates them is what saves the day! That love comes in all kinds of forms, and they’re all important, and that love can be stronger than fear!

But apparently, according to the Duffers, queer love doesn’t count and queer community doesn’t exist. It’s just isolation, misery, and tragedy, and I guess we the watchers are supposed to sit outside of it and pity Them for it (and be quietly, sneakily, a little bit nastily grateful that it’s not happening to Us). Because of course nobody watching the show is queer. Of course. This show is made for normal people.

It’s part of the same attitude I’ve also seen play out with the Duffers’ inability to just let a white dude be bad. Oh, they want to talk a big game about how they’re on the side of the freaks, and bullies are bad, and everybody should be respected and appreciated for who they are. But when it cuts down to the bone, when applying that precept to a girl or a person of colour or a queer person makes a straight white guy come off as a monster, they keep trying to dodge it.

The more antagonists they try desperately to rehab without ever acknowledging why they were antagonists in the first place, the more it starts to look like they simply don’t really believe that the people those antagonists hurt really matter. That, somewhere deep down where the assumptions that are so baked in you don’t even realise they’re assumptions live, they don’t really believe that girls, or Black kids, or queer people are as fundamentally human and deserving of respect and compassion as their beloved awful straight white men are. That what they really think about bullies is that bullies are bad because the bullies picked on them, instead of the kinds of people who deserved it.

(See also: that time a twelve- or thirteen-year-old Sadie Sink didn’t want to have to do a kiss in the Snow Ball scene, so the Duffers, who had just been joking about having her do it, actually made her do it. For multiple takes. Specifically because she didn’t want to. And then later related that anecdote to the press. Because they thought it was funny.)

Anyway. Personally, I’d prefer canon just never say anything definitive on the matter of Will’s sexuality and stop trying to push the narrative in that direction, so I don’t have to watch the Duffers spectacularly fumble yet another attempt at Writing About Marginalised Groups.

(Also, this is absolutely not me saying Watch A Different Show - I’m here writing fanfic for this stupid show, it’d be pretty fucking rich of me to try to tell people to stop watching it. But I’d really love for many of its fans to get some more exposure to less-mainstream, more deliberately queer literature and film, so y’all can see what it really feels like to be seen and acknowledged and loved by a story, on purpose. I get it! I do! I too have wanted very badly to feel like something I loved, loved me back.

But you don’t have to content yourselves with scraps. And you definitely don’t have to be so concerned with those scraps that you blame your friends, cousins, siblings, brothers in arms for ‘stealing’ some kind of ‘representation’ from you by asking to be seen and acknowledged and loved as well. The bastards who’ve been withholding that recognition from all of us would love nothing more than to watch with amusement, gorging themselves on a banquet, while we tear each other apart over a couple of discarded bones. Don’t give them the satisfaction. We don’t have to be isolated, pitiable, pathetic, miserable tragedies. Put the hollow promises of exclusionism and respectability down. There is queer art and literature and film and community and joy and love in abundance that you don’t have to beg anyone for, and you are invited to participate. This is me inviting you to participate.

And cordially inviting the Duffers to meet me in the woods behind the 7-Eleven.)

...

tl;dr the way the Duffers treat queerness when they do it on purpose feels like a combination of othering, contempt, and misery porn, and I hate it. And that, in a nutshell, is the rant I’ve been sitting on for the last two-and-a-bit years. I’m getting down off the cafeteria table now.

#chatter #stranger things #i have been first uneasy and then very fucking angry about all of this for Quite A While Now #but robin's personality transplant broke open the fucking dam #it's worse because they did such! a good job! with seasons one and two!#obviously Not Perfect but also painfully obviously Better Than This #and then I guess they'd made enough money for netflix that they stopped having creative reins and restrictions placed on them #and it all went to shit #just total anne rice/stephen king editor syndrome #anyway I won't be following anything they do after this bc i'm pretty sure I like the show in spite of its creators instead of because of th #*them #they also aren't applying season one's theme of appearances being deceiving when it comes to queer people!#they keep saying every shitty shallow queer stereotype is true!#(the tragic gay martyr #slash the obsessive possessive friend-borderline-stalker)#(the unfuckable lesbian)#(the predatory gay villain - I didn't talk about closeting and s2 Billy Hargrove bc hoo boy that's a can of worms #but I do think they took that angle with him on purpose #especially since his 'redemption arc' goes hand in hand with suddenly switching his focus from steve to karen #and he stands to gain nothing by manipulating karen in s3 so it's pretty obviously a cheap dodge #so the duffers can go 'what? no he wasn't sneeringly derogatory toward teenage girls bc he was so deep in the closet he could see narnia'#'nooooooooo he just...only likes ~mature women~'#which. yes boys jennifer coolidge was hot in american pie but please grow up.)#anyway yes that loss of sight of that central theme is exactly how we got the russians in season three #and we all know how much that fucking sucked #i do hope having the word 'fuck' in the tags still hides a post from search

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