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justkiddingjjk · 4 months

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I came over from your mha blogs and I was really happy that one of my fav mha villain writers is dipping toes into jjk 💕

May I request Mahito x reader where Mahi and reader are ‘friends’ who have feelings for each other (but havent admitted to it), and then one day Mahi learns about the concept if kissing and wants to experiment with reader?

Much love to you! 💙

(Thank you! I've been drowning in my other interests lately and really truly wanted to see if venturing out would help lol. After all, even before the villain blog I was pushing an akatsuki one for several years. Life changes but writing stays the same as far as interests go!)

~Mahito's Experimentation~

headcanon|scenario|letter|fake text|drabble

It's difficult for him to place a finger on just what exactly about you gained his interest. From day one, things had been different when it came to you. He was interested in a lot of things, but with you it would seem his curiosity ran much deeper. For specifics, he was mostly intrigued by the way you made him feel. His emotions with you were recognizable at first. Sure there was the curiosity, then the content feeling of having you around often. The happiness he felt when he opened up and spoke with you on different topics that you then returned the favor on would be his favorite emotion. There was a secret new feeling bubbling up lately that he couldn't quite specify. After a while of sitting and thinking to himself late one evening, he'd pushed through every known emotion on the list. He cycles through the idea of possibly harming you or using you in the future. When it turns out he didn't have any interest in doing so, he's settled on a form of longing perhaps?

When the two of you weren't in each others presence it was when he felt this gut feeling warp itself into a nasty type of sadness. When he couldn't spend even longer with you, it became a shortened form of anger or annoyance. When you were back in his arm the metaphorical dark cloud that hovered above him had seemed to dissipate quickly. Still unsure of what to call you, he'd settled on the common title of 'friend'. After all, that's what you were right? You smile and reach out to him with one gentle hand, cupping his cheek and ignoring the longing in your heart for something more than this. "Are you okay today? You're in your thoughts more than usual." You ask his with genuine worry etched into your features. He hums quietly at your words. "Yes of course. I'm just thinking..." He smiles and you chuckle lightly. "You always are huh?" You tease him before turning your attention back to the phone in your free hand. When you release his face he feels that small bubble of annoyance begin to pop up. He wants you to hold him like that a little longer, but doesn't say anything regarding the act. If the two of you were friends then why exactly does his body react to you the way it does. He considers himself to be friends with the others.

Geto can be used an an example.

He doesn't long for Geto's touch. He could care less about how long the two of them have spent apart from each other. Yet he enjoys conversation and company all the same. Why were you so different from this?

Mahito mourns for the time you two have to spend apart the next day. You've got business to attend to and won't return home until later that evening. He fears his emotions may possibly overtake him if he doesn't figure something out here soon. It was only when he was reading a particular romance novel that he'd accidentally picked up in his collection of books that he realized perhaps there was more he could be doing with him time and you. Romance, couples, dating, kissing, sex, families...all unimportant upon first glace. Yet, how could he explain so many of the humans partaking in this kind of stuff? Very well, he'd experiment with this odd behavior and perhaps he could find some sort of reward or revelation within it. He'd made up his mind by the time you stepped through your doorway. The whole of dinner time was uncomfortably quiet for you. He always stared at you in a way of curiosity but never for such a long time before. You'd never taken a minute to admit how you truly felt about him so having your love interest bore his eyes into your side wasn't exactly the most relaxing situation to begin with. What he chose to do next had you frozen for the better half of the next 3 minutes.

Without warning or words, Mahito reached out and gently grabbed either side of your face with both his hands. He was careful to to startle you any further than he already had. He'd slowly leaned closer to you, monitoring your lips before placing his with them softly. He was terrible at kissing. He'd watched no videos and only had the book to guide him. His eyes were widened the entire time, observing the way you stared at him in panic. He finally pulled away when he realized he was moving his lips, just sitting them on top of yours and waiting for what would happen next. "A kiss." he utters plainly with a small triumphant smile on his face. You could only scoff before bursting into laughter. "A kiss? I wouldn't exactly call it that." He hadn't known why you were laughing so hard but the sound of your joy made him chuckle a bit too. He'd done the experiment totally and completely wrong yet he was pleased with the end results. He knew he liked the feeling of your lips on his, and you hadn't exactly rejected him either. If anything, you were cooking up your own plan to show him how kissing should be done. He'd eagerly await your next move with no complaint in sight.

#i hope i did this right #first ask #mahito #mahito jjk #scenarios #jjk #jujutsu kaisen

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afaramir · 3 months

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LOLL i was gonna start like ‘hey there im denethor anon’ but u beat me to it. SIMILAR MINDS. Haha i read one of ur fics, was immediately smitten & was like i MUST follow them. (I’m glad i did, love the vibe of ur blog and the Flavour of ur opinions.. TASTY) so im a more recent follower but i’m gathering younger you weren’t a fan of denethor, huh? Can’t say i blame you. PJ certainly made some Decisions. he was like how do i convert a complex character into The most loathsome creature ever. He really did our fav gondorians sooo dirty. I literally watch through those scenes SEETHING in rage.

So I’ve been Thinking about denethor and faramir and nothing else for two days. like i am a denethor girlie. in my mind. spiritually. haven’t posted much abt him on tumblr. but nowww. you’re exactly right, ‘denethor Is a good leader…[insert ur paragraph here]’ yes yes yes you get it. listen denethor was a prideful, angry, resentful man but he was also valiant, resilient and noble. He guarded his city, alone (which takes GUTS, again, he was a badass!!), so well, for literal YEARS that Sauron was fearful/wary of him. i wish people were more understanding of him. he’s such an interesting character there’s so much to explore there. as you said the duty-vs-love, the weapon-first-person-next of it all. the layers. denethor as a weapon. denethor as a symbol of both sword/shield. AAHHH

BUT i think some people dismiss him hate him bc he is the mirror (the ugly side? if that makes sense) of humanity, of us. we ought to show him some compassion tho ‘cause havent u ever been taken under the darkness of life? felt the world slipping away & struggle to keep up w it? dont u ever feel hopeless? that things will never change, no matter what u do? DO YOU HAVE FEARS HAVE YOU FACED THE MONSTERS? WERE YOU ALONE, SCARED AND HOPELESS? AND HAVENT YOU MADE MISTAKES IN YOUR GRIEF AND PUSHED PEOPLE AWAY?? THAT’S what denethor experienced. He was described as a leader & a learned one at that for christ sake. He knew that evil was awaiting him and his kin and his people! he saw his future. yet. yet he soldiered on until. war declared. his sons killed (or so he believed). that’s when hope abandoned him. what was the point of staying alive now anyway? Evil was upon them, they would surely be tortured w a fate worse than death, so why should he not end the pain and kill himself? he fought the war against Time, Evil and The Dark Enemy himself and WON. he was a brave man indeed, to have fought these dark forces so much stronger than him. but he finally lost the war against Despair (and Grief), the cruelest of them all. imma cry 😭😭😭 no no no u don’t understand he didnt give up hope, hope abandoned him he- [GUNSHOT] (i don’t know how much of this even made sense lmao) anyway,

Faramir <333. do i even have to say anything about faramir? he’s the specialest little guy i love himm 🥰. On god i am one step away from rereading lotr just for him (plsss dont tempt me finals are in less than a fortnight) his and denethor’s relationship like u described my godddd XDD. fucked up familial relationships MY BELOVED. i am feral about this trope. the resentment… the jealousy… the mirror image of each other… the you’re-the-same-like-me-and-i-hate-that… mmmhm. hey do u ever think about 12 year old faramir admiring his father much the same way he did boromir and wishing he would grow up to be just like him? and do you ever think about 28 year old faramir knowing that he’s more like his father than anyone else and hating that? hating him? i do.

I’ll stop now lol im afraid my coherency has diminished by now. also sorry sorry for replying so late i am preparing for my exams. but rest assured i WILL be Rotating faramir around in my brain :3

hiiii denethor anon LOL this is the greatest ask ive ever received. every day i endeavour to provide only THE juiciest of opinions. aka this is my diary and you all are subjected to it. anyway im so glad you liked my fic i would love to know which one you read! i got into lotr via the films when i was super young so my past opinions were def coloured by The Choices. i have learned and grown since then<3 i was watching the book-to-film analysis vids on the extended edition dvds a couple weeks back and it made me so mad that i had to get up and turn off the tv. did you know there are other character options besides 'paragon of virtue' and 'one dimensional villain'...truly kind of a "nice dichotomy idiot! now what lies outside of it" situation. A Waste Of Your John Noble, To Be Honest. idk i still hold the films very close to my heart but the choices...i will simply respectfully disagree. and dont even get me started on faramir we WILL be here all night. another time. i have denethor thorongil situationship-fic to write. (i am serious about that) (i was simultaneously playing it 100% straight serious AND kind of joking about them. i shouldve known better. well.........we are so in it.)

you are so real for this. i have ALSO been Thinking about denethor and faramir and nothing else for days. weeks, even. sorry to everyone coming to the faramir goes to rivendell au for faramir and the fellowship the first 10k is literally just Keeping Up With The Stewards. we'll get there. i Will blame you for the impetus for my recent denethorposting on main but also encourage you to also do this. do whatever you want forever<3 nooo but straight up...guy who has so much strength and will that The Lord Of All Evil wouldnt contend directly against him and had to bring out the big palantir guns to bring him down. and if he'd not lost both of his sons i mean...who knows what would've happened. sometimes your sons ARE the only thing keeping you from killing yourself Do It For Them-style and lets be real that is a valid coping method. (i don't have an answer for that one and boy oh boy do i wish i did. it is going to become a massive thorn in my side in, oh, 70k or so when i hit rotk. well...i will blow up that bridge when i get to it.)

im actually putting a read more in this time bc this post broke a thousand words. continue at your own risk. there IS also faramirposting at the end here i promise.

just imagining denethor leading the siege of minas tirith. um. now stay with me here...riding out with imrahil's sortie. STAY WITH ME HERE. what do you think the livery of a steward going to war looks like. jesus christ i need to go lay down. yes i purposefully placed the read more before i decided to go momentarily horny on main. its also lowkey very vague au spoilers. sorry everyone but denethor IS canonically hot and we need to acknowledge it. Anyway.

denethor as a weapon denethor as both a sword and a shield...i am chewing glass for real. you GET IT. god i love person-as-weapon metaphor soooo much. When The Iconography Is Getting A Little Too Real. denethor as gondor, as her vanguard and standard-bearer and. i am straight up frothing at the mouth. all he ever wanted was to be a gentle lord in a time of peace.....and death was his reward...Sorry For Stealing The Fingon Death Quotation But I'm Right. so much of his behaviour and the strain on his relationships with his sons and all that is sooo...informed by the fact that to cope with having to be lord of a country at war he had to be so so unbending. he couldn't allow himself to waver, ever, not even for love, not even to save his sons.

did you know he was 21 when sauron returned. pov you are 21 years young and you have been alone all your life you are the steward's only son you are his strange numenorean heir and no one else has the LITERAL PSYCHIC POWERS AND VISIONS that you do and you have had to contend with that, alone. master your own mind, alone. learn how the shape of politics and lordship and life bends around you. and the dark lord the enemy who brought down your forebears has now set his eye on your lands again. Jesus Christ. How Would You Fucking Deal. sorry i would have a nervous breakdown and go and live in the desert. Man. TWENTY ONE? LIKE ME? most days i feel like a teletubby with a job and a credit card. if you scale it to account for numenorean lifespan inflation i mean i don't know how the math works but like. i bet it comes out to being like. 17. HELLO? basically everyone i know was barely a person at 17. the dark lord of all evil and he's MY problem to deal with?

i mean exactly. haven't we all been prideful and angry and resentful. haven't we all been there. once again [pippin voice] let's all understand poor denethor a little better. havent you ever been taken under the darkness of life [your paragraph here] yeah exactly what you said. the idea that he fucking won the war against the darkness and only lost to despair is..........so much! goodbye i have to go cry!

faramir, me AND fate's most special precious little guy....oh captain my captain....exactly. Exactly. i cant morally endorse a reread right this second but like. After. make it through finals and then it is Faramir Time. (and good luck! you got this!) tactical smartass little bitch master of both man and beast wizard's pupil (complimentary) star and hope and jewel of minas tirith knight in shining armour...my beloved. the idea that like faramir as presented, as the diplomat, as the scholar, as the numenorean, was supposed to be the one to go to rivendell...it haunts me. where is denethor sends the right son to do the right job.txt. he is gondor's no. 1 horse girl he is better suited to the wild than the battlefield he has read every sindarin text in the library he KNOWS the story of elrond and elros. he is literally telepathic and psychic and prophetic. thinking about him interacting with elrond and galadriel (and every other elf. but them in particular) makes me feel deranged. its very...self taught dnd wizard meets guy who went to wizard school energy. he's insane.

YEAH ITS CRAZY THAT THEYRE THE SAME GUY. it's. boromir gets to be boromir but faramir has to be denethor.txt. gracious and lordly as a king of old...now who is consistently referred to as noble and kingly...that a younger faramir would've looked up to...yeah. the perpetuation of denethor's second-best complex. i have a whole nother post in the drafts about that i CANT get into it here but jesus christ men who are NOT breaking the cycle. they even look the same. i mean 37 year old faramir as steward is 100% the spitting image of his father and that makes me....genuinely fucking insane actually. i mean like older councillors are doing double takes every time he walks by. i mean like sometimes people call him by the wrong fucking name. WOW where did that come from. the complex that that would give him...hello? turning this over inside my brain at WARP speed.

you are not late at all lol we are leaving little letters in each other's mailboxes to read when we have the time. i hope your exams go well!!! there will be more Faramir And Denethor Hours soon<33

#from the inbox #Anonymous #denethor anon #Another 1000+ Word Denethor Post From Yours Truly (both of us). Sorry To The Dash.#by the way the idea of ONE GUY bearing both sides of the sword/shield dichotomy made me feel like i was gonna black out in the coffee shop #that was crazy shit LOL #btw if u want me to talk about the denethor thorongil situationship I Fucking Will. idk if u were here before my faramir february url chang #but what has happened to me with them is soooooo typical abby rarepairnation behaviour. Hey Wouldn't That Be Funny. now hold on a second.#long post #denethorposting

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kaleidosouls · 9 months

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hi. (pulls out uke)

IM JOKING but i havent posted here in forever huh, are ppl still around? i guess ill comment on like, whats been going in in the time i havent posted

so a long time ago now i wanted to like, cut off from twitter, so i deleted the kaleidosouls twitter, and wanted to keep my art stuff just on insta mostly, trying to move since twitter is a sinking ship right. then my instagram got deleted for no reason (and so did my pinterest that was ful of refs and honestly that was more upseting than insta getting deletedand losing all my art following)

ive been mildly caught up in IRL/college stuff in the meantime,having da depression, and the exec dysfunction same as awlays like. not much has actually been happening but ive been going acutally all over the place trying to figure out what im gonna do with my internet social media stuff. im looking into internships (other field) and im like, i havent given up being an artist professionally exactly but i think im like fuck it. fuck this like, building my Internet career or whatever. like, im gona wokr on my art portfolio and try to find art job stuf thats not really about how popular my art is on twitter or smth. none of that shit rly matters anymoer. same w here, i probably wouldve delted this tumblr if it wasnt the main like, blog so all my other blogs dpened on this one right.

im not like, done posting art online but ive been changing how im going about it and i still havent found my like, place yet. i did remake instagram, a main one and one for creature/pokemon stuff. idk im figuring out my life but i guess the main point is that its all a mess, and its not a disaster like things are going bad or anythin just that ive been in this inertia of disorder for a long time. im getting old. really tired lately, barely draw that much

i still rly love and am holding onto my personal ideas/projects that i want to execute oveer time altho they cant be a priority rn becuase of stuff in life. i got a really bad attention span so ill probably like, work on smth a lot for a few ays and then pick it up again in a year or more. the SU stuff is one of those. i actually ammaking this post bc i got really fucking dickhead comments and i was thinking of going off but my social media paranoia PR brain is like weighting on how i cant do that bc itll make my brand look bad and immature, and its like exhausting to live like that yk. altho it Is wise to restrain myself from being mean dsgkj but i also think itd be funny to cuss ppl off so :( life is very hard as an adult!

anyway point is. thigns are a mess rn and they will continue to be for the time being. my accoutns got obliterated so if you wanna keep up with me maybe follow my instagram if you want, i keep forgetting tumblr exists so tahst why i post so little on here. i do like postingt here though, nad i like making little blogs. i like ppls tags on ym art and replies. even the pricky ones like, i get to engage my brain a litlte bit adn its like ppl are out there yk? seieng my stuff, rather than just like, a bunch of numbers of how many likes or reblogs smth has.

most of the stuff left on this blog is for SU reclaimed and i still rly like the idea and its good coping for me and i want to pick it up sometimes but idk what to do with it wrt how i wanna present the content. ive considerd many times making a separate tumblr for it and i am considering that Again but maybe i should just quit it and post it here and forget about that. and find a different way to present the totality of the contents of the AU and use this tumblr as a way to just post it like, a 'devblog' (i am not developing SHIT this is just conceptual design writing stuff)

if theres anyone still following thats like engaged/interested in SU reclaimed feel free to comment with your thoughts or suggestions,i guess i could make an instagram for it? but ehh... idt thats how i wanna like, execute it. welp. i guess if i do make smth ill post about it here,i guess the point is that maybe i can try to post on here moreoften, idk, like i want my instagrams to be more tidy and like, impersonal. i deleted twitter bc i dont want to engage that personalyl at ALL anymore as an artist w viewers. not to mention it sinking. but i guess tumblr Is the perfect place to keep that unprofessional, slightly casual blogging artist experience. maybe if i get to cuss ppl out :D but then i dont wanna get harassed later over it. hm.. sucks to exist online tbh

thank u if youve read this far. if youre a mutual (somehow) or a long time follower and wanna know how to better keep up w me since i know im disappearing a lot feel free to dm

#personal #just how ive been/thougths/rambling

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princessmcpurpledork711 · 1 year

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I posted 3,823 times in 2022

That's 1,866 more posts than 2021!

3 posts created (0%)

3,820 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@haikyuuprettysettersquad

@miiracleboys

@spongebobssquarepants

@alice-in-fandomland

@only1600kids

I tagged 3,048 of my posts in 2022

Only 20% of my posts had no tags

#hq - 877 posts

#kh - 357 posts

#mp100 - 353 posts

#bnha - 267 posts

#kagehina - 180 posts

#sdv - 176 posts

#sp - 141 posts

#soriku - 127 posts

#terumob - 120 posts

#dbz - 114 posts

Longest Tag: 133 characters

#🥺🥺 shoyo would have different names and nicknames for tobio so he can figure out how shoyou is feeling about him at the moment 🥺🥺

My Top Posts in 2022:

I just tried to reblog one post on desktop and it ended up auto rebloging 17 times. For a minute, it seemed like i was insanely obsessed with mooing cows.

1 note - Posted August 11, 2022

Now... little Alex's gang!

Lol Alex's friends are all 3 but I do have plans for them. I think all of them have the best opportunity to fuck gender norms because they still havent necessarily learned them yet. Alex coming to school in a tutu was just the beginning for them. My kids are Frida and Marley. Frida is Lincoln's little sis and Marley lives with Jerica and her dad. Marleys dad is Jericas dads best friend and they moved in together after Jericas mom died.

Im a little stuck on how to completely talk about how preschool would be besides happy and playful, but maybe I can explain that I think none of this kids would grow up gender conforming. Ive always planned for Alex to be nonbinary. But as a baby he has no idea what that even means. All he knows is to be himself. The thing is having such a loving and supportive family will help Alex realize who he really is and help his friends realize who they are too. They will all also have varying amount of support and their real problem will be society and how it views them. Of course thats the future and who knows how much more understanding the world would be. Frida will be genderfluid and Marley is MtF. And honestly my biggest problem is feeling that im misgendering my own characters even at this age they would have no idea 😰 (Tho when I talk about them older, I usually use their preferred pronoun, again they wouldnt know their preferred pronoun at 3 so it makes more sense to refer to them as they are? Maybe this helps to validate the pretransition phase of life? Idk as an enby myself even im wishy-washy about how to feel about my 'female phase'. Thats person is still me u know? Idk I m rambling at this point. Maybe someday ill be more clear on this issue)

ANYWAY. I feel like we all deserve a update on the Soledads as a whole and I will be drawing more of them I promise! I will post new content soon. This is my New Year resolution XP

6 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Also...ever thought of a Ben 10/Kingdom Hearts swap?

Hey anon! Its been a while huh? I gotta tell u ive been thinking about answering u for a while but this time was the busiest work has gotten and its been so tough to not just get home and sleep lol. But I also been working on this too.

First off, it makes total sense and its super interesting to think about. Ben and Sora are just two sides of the same main character idiot lol. The Kevin/Riku swap was a no brainer, but I feel a sassy Lil sis Kairi works too well and Ben struggling between two love interests works best. Imagine all the Sora aliens tho. He probably would name them the same because theyre both lame XD. Also Bens keyblade looks so cool and sleek. And Kevin with a car keyblade is TOO perfect XDDD.

See the full post

15 notes - Posted January 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Am I boring? Probz

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gabydrawsonceinabluemoon · 4 years

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I’m really liking this new pokemon girl 💖

#pokemon #pokemon swsh #pokemon sword #klara pokemon #pokemon sword and shield #I really havent used this blog in about a year huh #i don't even know if people who follow me are still active #and posting my art still terrifies me to this day #specially on insta #which also ruins the quality of any image #but im rambling here again #the one good thing about the tumblr tags #you can just write whatever you want #if anybody sees this just have a good day!#i really like the character design in the new pokemon game #cant wait till she destroys my almost entierely fairy type team

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clownkiwi · 3 years

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i think its really funny that after loki finished, i have never heard anyone talk about the new marvel films outside of venom 2

like. i didnt even realize that a new mcu film came out last month, and another one is coming out next month. and of course you got the new spiderman film in december

so overall, i think we all really care for spiderman, which good for us. spiderman will always be eternal

#ruby says clown shit #i also forgot black widow came out. wow none of the new mcu films really havent left an impact on any of us huh #now that mayb bc i also dont follow mcu blogs but even the annoying ppl i followed posted about the new shows #ive seen no posts about black widow. or shang-chi. or eternals. ive only been seeing posts on venom 2 & the new spiderman film #and again idc about the mcu but ig everybody else has started losing interest in the mcu #good. the industry that disney once had a tight grip hold on is now loosening and now more ppl can make superhero media #i think it may also be the mcu burnout and holy shit are we gonna feel that for the next few years #we'll be in an intellectual property hell thats all im gonna warn u guys on #expect a new disney thing to come out like every month next year. or god mayb even every week

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softxsuki · 2 years

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TW // MENTION OF DEATH

hi, i was the one who requested the suicide attempt fic (thank you so much for writing it by the way) i have another request that is on the topic of death so im sorry if this request makes you uncomfortable in any way and if you chose not to write this i completely understand why.

so long story short, i ran away from my family and havent talked/interacted with them in years.

i got curious on how they were doing so i checked their facebook and recently found out that my father (along with two other family members) had passed away.

i really hated them, but i used to love them, and they used to make me so so happy. and knowing that they arent here anymore makes me feel like i still love them. it hurt me. i felt horrible.

if it isnt too much, may i request my comfort character kuroo (again) comforting gn!reader about the death.

of course, this isnt an urgent request so feel free to do other requests before this one. thank you so so much

Kuroo Comforting Reader Whose Family Members Passed Away After They Ran Away From Home

Pairing: Kuroo x Gn!Reader

Warnings: mentions of death, family members passing away, sadness, crying

Genre: Angst, Comfort

Post-Type: Oneshot

Word Count: 1k

Summary: In which you find out on facebook that your mother, father, and a few other family members had passed away after years of not being in contact with your family since you ran away from home. You feel conflicted over the pain that you feel in your heart about their passing since you thought you hated them, so Kuroo comforts you after you hear the news of their passing.

[A/N: Hello anon <3. Thank you again for changing this to urgent. I wanted to write this earlier for you as I'm sure you have been suffering a lot with the news, but ofc I've been super busy with other urgent requests and regular requests it's been crazy. And I know it's kinda stupid of me to keep my requests open ALL THE TIME, but I really want my blog to be a place where people can come with their ideas and urgent requests whenever they need it (and as long as I'm able and comfortable to write them). I appreciate your patience though <3. Hopefully Kuroo can provide you with some comfort through this oneshot! This can be read as romantic or platonic :). I'm here if you ever need to talk~ Take care <3 ]

No, there’s no way.

You read the facebook post once, twice, again and again, not able to comprehend the shocking words illuminating on your phone.

“They passed away?” You mutter to yourself in shock from your living room couch.

You had run away from your family a few years ago and moved in with Kuroo, who was thankfully more than happy to welcome you into his home. You had found solace in your new home with him and felt happier than ever…that was until that moment. Reading the names of your mother, father, and a few other family members that had passed away from your family without you even knowing. It hurt a bit, having to hear the news that they passed away from a facebook post instead of in person.

You had gotten curious as to how they were all doing. It had been years since you had last spoken to or interacted with any of your family, but all these deaths were not what you were expecting to see. Your mother, the woman who birthed you, your father who helped raise you, and your other family members who you grew up talking to–they were now all gone. Though you felt hatred in your heart for your family as your reasons for running away still sat deep in your mind, it still hurt to hear that they no longer existed in the same world as you. There was a time when you loved them with all your heart and they made you happy at some point, but that was different now, so why did it hurt so much? Why did it feel like you still loved them?

You didn’t even realize the silent, numb tears that fell down your face until the droplets hit your phone in your lap. At that very moment Kuroo walks into the living room where you were seated.

“Y/N what do you think abou- huh? What’s wrong?” He stops mid sentence after noticing the tears falling down your face and instantly runs over to your side.

Thankfully Kuroo already knew about your bad past with your family and the reasons why you ran away from home, so you didn’t have to explain that part; instead you inform him of the news of some of your family members passing away, including your mother and father. He could see the pain on your face as you explain, showing him the post on your phone that you had curiously found.

“I just can’t believe that they’re gone and I hate that I’m really hurt over it right now,” you say with tears falling down your face as you desperately scramble to wipe them away, not understanding why you felt this way.

“Y/N…they’re your family. At one point in your life you loved them, you all made each other happy. Despite how badly things turned out to the point where you felt like you had to run away, those happy memories will alway be there in your mind. It’s what you’re remembering now, hence your sadness and tears, but that’s okay. You can feel sad about them passing away, that’s completely fine,” he reassures you, patting you softly on your leg, now sitting beside you on the couch.

“But I don’t want to cry over them! I’m supposed to hate them! Why does my heart feel like breaking in two when I haven’t even spoken to them in years? I don’t want to feel this way,” you yell in frustration, throwing your face into your hands.

Kuroo moves closer to you and brings you into his chest, allowing you to grasp his shirt as the pain in your heart was let out through your tears. He couldn’t even begin to imagine how you must have been feeling, but seeing you crying in his arms made his heart clench in pain.

“I know, I know” he coos, soothingly patting the top of your head as his other hand holds you tightly to his chest, “I know you don’t want to feel this way, but just let it all out for now. You’ll feel a lot better after crying it all out. We can talk about anything you want to talk about later if you’d like and I’ll just listen. If you want to talk about the good or bad memories you have with them, about how you’re feeling, or anything at all, we’ll do it. I’ll listen to it all.”

So you did. You cried and you cried, his grip on you never once loosening so long as you kept yourself in his arms. You let all the pain in your heart seep out through your sobs, feeling lighter and lighter as you did so until there were no more tears left to cry. You were just sniffling in his arms now, memories flying through your head of your family members who you really would never see again now that they were gone for good.

“It still hurts,” you let out, feeling the dull ache in your chest.

“I know, it will hurt. It’s only natural that you feel that way. But just because it hurts now doesn’t mean you’ve given in and now love them, you’re just remembering the times when you did love them, so it’s okay to feel hurt. I’ll be here until all the hurt is gone,” he says, leaning his chin on the top of your head, the vibrations of his voice running through your mind.

“You promise?”

“I promise. I’m not going anywhere,” he reassures you for the nth time, willing to continue to reassure you until you truly believed him and felt better.

“Okay, thank you Tetsuro,” you sigh in relief, glad that at least he was still around for you.

He continues to hold onto you, until he finally whispers, “How about we order out today? I was going to ask what you wanted me to cook earlier, but considering how you’re feeling now, we can just order your favorite food or something. How does that sound?”

“That would be perfect,” you mumble into his chest, still needing to feel the heat of his body that was holding you together emotionally in that moment.

You’d get through your confusing emotions thanks to his support; you knew that for sure.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 1/16/2022

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lesbianbernardsumner · 3 years

Text

I guess its over now, but it couldn’t have been that bad right?! After all, I’m still here, and you all helped me through it!!

alright this is gonna be messy and im not gonna autocorrect/proofread it but heres the essay on why i loved 2020.... While 2020 was, pretty objectively, one of the worst years for modern humanity. The obvious virus and all its, various strands of natural disasters, impending war threat, gender reveal parties, you get the gist. But i would love to just... look back and see how it treated me. See how it ran :). January/Febuary/March - the months are bunched up cause the least amount of stuff happened in them, but thats not to say that the stuff wasnt... good!!!! After all I met my first online friend (that im still friends with of course) @smilez4milez..! I cannot believe you withstood me for so long tbh........... youve been here the whole time!!!! thats obviously an achievemnt!!! Our circumstances for our meeting do not matter... trust me. April - Got my gender transed and i then id’d as demigirl!! and also had a birthday, i turned a whole year..... i believe this was also the time i... started using discord??? yeah, that sounds right :0) May/June - OOOH WEE DISK HOARD AAAAAAAAA. Ahem, Miles got me into Chuck E. Cheese and the Rock-Afire Explosion, i hold those special interests dear and close to my heart. Around the time i also made friends with @teamgay0tix (<3). Miles decided that he was gonna make an animatronic discord server. Titled the Robot Zone, Miles employed Sarah, Me, and another friendo named Teddy as the moderators. Not long after i met... so so many cool and epic people... uh off the top of my head @worthape, @bahrlee, @boredwiththislifetime, @retrowormz, @knave-woods, @verae. Not all of those were met in May/June but yknow gotta save time >:) and im sure im missing someone gdvhbuydhbdyh. WE UH RP’D AS CEC/RAE CHARACTERS!!!!! THAT WAS FUN :)!!!!!!! I DONT HAVE MUCH ELSE TO SAY AS MAY AND JUNE WERE SIMILAR MOTNHS IN TERMS OF FUN. SYHBDREYS. Oh and my laptop broke! So I was on my iPad for about 3 months!! Also my gender got transed AGAIN!!! I then-ID’d as genderfluid :o). July - HI CASPER @arcadecarpetz!!! THIS WAS THE MONTH WE FIRST MET!!! WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THAT INTERACTION </3. So I got into the beatles late June/early July!! looks at my url lookat how that turned out huh... Other things that happened during this month include... meeting @lovecore-ashe!!!!! I joined a certain discord server for a certain emoji blog we both happened to follow and... July was great i dunno why im being all stingy with the details etvfertyghdb August - Oh boy!! I discovered some cool epic things about myself (Emp knows.)!! got much better in the art department too!! I believe I also made friemnds with @hmmdotjpg here! They’re cool! Otherwise not much actually happened. Oh and @verae I FUCKING LOVE YOU/p September - HA! Here is when I got my shiny new laptop :), and with it i also got into Clone High!! Started to also get into Yellow Submarine, a movie which, I enjoy :). And a certain yellow submarine insta post got me and @arcadecarpetz to meet again!!! Now we’re on much better terms!! heh-. This month I left the Robot Zone, no matter how much it hurt, I simply didn’t want to be there anymore. I had got way too into animatronics and I was... very... very... burnt out. The final days of this month were good, I rewatched Yellow Submarine after a 10-Year Hiatus. It was good! :) October - SPOOK!!! HA!!! -COUGH- So you know how The Beatles like broke up in 1970... yeah i got into one of the bands made after them.... Wings good. I made a few more drawings for arcadecasper that im especially proud of, uh... OH YEAH AND I MADE A KETCHUP PRIDE FLAG FOR EMPRESS!!!!!!!! It is also now my most popular post! Cool!/gen .Two of my friends approached me and said they got into the beatles because of me that was pretty swagchamp. November - All of my memories from this month are MUSH. i literally dont remember what happened <3... oh wait yeah we got hte evil man out of office... that was preddy epic... OH RIGHT DESTIEL- December - My favorite season!! The end of the year was pretty swell. It was like everything good that happened to me was settling, getting cozier, just... being better. Like gently stirring the salt in a soup bowl... okay thats a weird analogy- I got into lemon demon too! And uh very glad i did. cause now i can say that cabinet man wishes you a karkalicious 2009 and i can actually understand it./j And all the lessons from all my friends I (probably indirectly) learnt this year... Like @smilez4milez!! You taught me to always be proud and glad!!! @teamgay0tix you taught me that affection always overpowers hatred. @boredwiththislifetime, no matter what your friend is doing, as long as its not hurting anyone, support them!!! @bahrlee, become a vampire/j. @hmmdotjpg, changing for yourself is more important than becoming someone you arent in front of other people.��@worthape i dunno... i... bugs???? Im just glad you were here too :). @retrowormz you kinda just made me funnier!!! @knave-woods bro i literally idolize you tsygvfbsyh. @lovecore-ashe, drink ketchup and dont give a shit about what everyone else thinks/hj!! @verae, !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DUNNO WHAT TO SAY YOURE LITERALLY JUST MY BEST FRIEND GSYHVFTEYWSH and of course, last but most certainly not least, Casper @arcadecarpetz WHERE DO I START ON HOW EPIC AND SWAG AND POGGERS YOU ARE AND HOW GREAT YOU HELPED MAKE THESE LAST FEW MONTHS... HHM- Well, maybe ill just leave it at “You pretty much taught me how to not be a jerk” okay!!! Man i got really sappy here wgvrtedgyshb I’m not sure if any of that is comprehensible!!! Its 2pm and i still havent actually started the day, but i wanted to write all of this down before it left my head. I know im missing probably important stuff but yknow... i have brainworms :O/j You are all... so cool... i just wanted to get that out...

#ok to rb #idk why you would but :))#2020 essay #<- so i can find it later #vialogue #ALSO IN CASE YOURE CURIOUS THIS TOOK LIKE 2 HOURS IDK HOW I MANAGED TO STAY SO FOCUSSED RGDHBREYD #long post

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writers-hes · 4 years

Text

finsta--part 1

hello! this is a short fic/blurb thing that i got from the idea that harry has a finsta account!

thank you so much for reading how do you want to spend your new years eve? !

if you havent read it yet, you can do so by clicking the link here. if you want to read more from me, you can do so by clicking this link. if you want to be a part of my taglist, like or reblog this post.

DISCLAIMER: not all of the photos are mine if you own the photo that i used, please please please message me so i could credit your work!. in addition to this, in the photos where the y/n character is shown, that is only a reference! the body type and colour and everything else will be solely up to you. i just used the photos to show a great deal of intimacy etc!! i’m sorry about that. thanks guys!

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by: Elliot Quinn

Singer/Songwriter and Actor Harry Styles owns a private Instagram account that was leaked last Saturday.

It has been speculated that Harry Styles owns his private Instagram account because of his little to no social media presence. It’s already 2020 and he still hasn’t told us that we’re in 2020. BRB dating my new planner 2019 part 2.

Tumblr user @/harrys-finstagram, leaked all of his posts, including the confirmation that everybody needed about the speculations that he and Y/N are dating. If you still haven’t gotten anything from that sentence, it is true actress Y/N and him are dating. Even Y/N’s finsta has been found out too but as of the moment, there are no leaks from the said account.

According to sources, Harry met Y/N first in the table reading in the their first-ever movie adapted from the YA book, Let’s Meet Again in Five Years. They have also been kicking things off, being spotted together and being rumoured to be very close during filming. There’s proof in everything and it will be shown here!

46 likes iwasabaker1994 Picking out dried flowers for @/yourfinsta.

annetwist My sweet boy! gemmastyles You never got me flowers :( jeffzoff @/gemmastyles he never got me flowers too

58 likes iwasabaker1994 Peaches misses her mummy @/yourfinsta. Come baaaack.

yourfinsta i miss you too peaches! iwasabaker1994 What about me? yourfinsta you too i guess...

42 likes iwasabaker1994 Tokyo mornings with @/yourfinsta.

pillowpersonpp Lets go back ! 🥺 mitchrowland brO tokyo without me??? adampendergast_ please bring me sake harry-chan

84 likes iwasabaker1994 A promise ring. I love you, bubby. @/yourfinsta

yourfinsta I love you bub. annetwist I’m so excited! gemmastyles So happy for you both! 💓

46 likes iwasabaker1994 She said she wanted to finish The Big Bang Theory today but the TV isn’t even on, is it @/yourfinsta?

yourfinsta i told you not to post this !! 👿 annetwist Enjoy, loves! mitchrowland @/yourfinsta relax the girl in the picture is me 😌

59 likes iwasabaker1994 Sometimes she likes to make me look like a fool.

yourfinsta hehe love you helenepamburn Youre both so cute! See you in a few days @/yourfinsta! ❤️❤️ clareuchima ❤️❤️❤️❤️

64 likes iwasabaker1994 I have a ring that you’d like better if you’d stop wearing mine. @/yourfinsta

jeffzoff 😳😳😳🤭🤭🤭 mitchrowland So i really am ur side bitch huh 😔 yourfinsta @/mitchrowland feels like im the side bitch 😢

iwasabaker1994 Cold beach with my girlfren.

gemmastyles You could credit me for the photo you know iwasabaker1994 @/gemmastyles Thank you for the photo. yourfinsta: @/iwasabaker1994 she’s ur sister no need to be formal gemmastyles @/yourfinsta i know right??

iwasabaker1994 @/yourfinsta wants to remodel her bedroom into Violet’s room for the Let’s Meet Again in Five Years movie.

mitchrowland I bet she’s gonna change it again after a few months yourfinsta @/mitchrowland i just said that it was cute and cosy! mitchrowland that’s what u also said about the dining room decor u saw on architects digest or smth yourfinsta @/mitchrowland it’s called taste bitch

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What do you feel about the leak? Comment down below!

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read part two here. (i had so much fun doing this!!!!!!)

----- taglist

@giitterysuits / @floral-suits @bree082 @dezzym17 @bouncebackbyers@lolapuffs @belleamoree @demolition-lovers-blog @gorgeouslygrace @styledharryy @nervousshoeghostmoney @spideys-wife @tpwkwrites

#IGNORE THESE #harry #Harry Styles #harrystyles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fluff #fluff #styles #preference #blurb #imagine #one shot #harry styles blurb #harry styles preferences #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine

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horansqueen · 4 years

Text

You & Me : chapter 22

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.5 - 4.8k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: i havent even written half of what I wanted to be written in this chapter so they will have an other discussion in the next chapter, and they’ll spend an other day together. i feel like the song thing wasnt as good as it should have been. so i feel like it really sucks. i just hope it doesnt.

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : heres the few requests i used. i suggest you dont read them before reading the chapters tho!

Chapter 22 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

Just as I opened the door to leave, I came face to face with Louis who rolled his eyes and laughed. I knew I should have left a while ago but the truth was, I hadn't shaved in 4 days and my hair was a mess. I was pretty sure it wouldn't bother Niall but it bothered me and I had to do something about it.

After trying out too many dresses, Julie, Eleanor and I gave up for the day and ended up at the restaurant with a few glasses of wine. We talked, we laughed, and I tried to keep the conversation as far from Niall as I could. I was still trying to sort out how I felt, or mostly, what I wanted, and I felt like it was something I had to do alone. I could lie and pretend I didn't love Niall but it was too late. In fact, I have never stopped loving him and I was not sure I ever would. Possibly, if we stopped talking and seeing each other, I could live with someone else, get married with someone else and be happy to a certain extent, but being around him without being with him would be impossible. I've done that for so many years before we started dating and it made me miserable. If there was one thing I was sure, it's that if I ended up with someone else than Niall, I would cut him out of my life for good. That thought made me want to throw up but I just breathed in, trying to calm myself. I hadn't taken that decision yet and I was not ready to, anyway.

"Five more minutes and you'll be late."

"I'm already late, Louis." I just said, shaking my head.

"Yea no, I told him half an hour, not 15 minutes like you had said. I know you and he does too. Don't lie to yourself, Olivia. You're always late."

"Well, i'm an artist!" I tried to defend myself with a small amused smile.

"Yea yea, use that excuse if you want." Louis chuckled, walking in. "Niall's waiting for you. Hurry or he'll already be asleep!"

"That drunk huh?" I raised my nose up. I sort of hoped we could have a discussion, or maybe I just wanted to feel myself beneath him. I was not sure. Either way, my plan was gonna have to change.

"No he seemed a bit better when we came back."

"Came back from where?" I frowned, tilting my head.

Louis' lips curled and he put his hands in his pockets before looking down and chuckling. He looked up at me again and laughed some more before shaking his head.

"No, no way, he'll tell you himself." he finally said, making me grimace. "He's got a surprise for you."

"Whatever, I don't have time to insist." I smiled and rolled my eyes, walking past him and bringing his face closer to kiss his cheek. "Thanks for calling me, Lou."

He turned around to look at me as I walked to my car and raised his voice to make sure I hear him.

"You take care on the road yea? Call me if you need anything!"

I smiled and nodded. "Don't worry. Now call your girlfriend!"

I quickly hopped in my car and drove to Niall's, feeling suddenly a lot more nervous than I probably should. I didn't know why, it was definitely not the first time I was seeing him, and everything was going so well between us, almost as well as it was before he broke up with me. Of course, we had many things to discuss again but we were on the right path, I could feel it. I shook my head, realizing I was talking about him as if we were dating, or at least, as if I was not supposed to marry someone else, and it made me feel guilty.

However, when he opened the door, all the emotions fighting inside of me suddenly disappeared, All I felt was love and my lips curled into a smile, just like his.

"Thanks so much for coming." he let out, moving a bit to let me in, and closed the door behind me. "I just want you to know that I was not jerking off to your nude. Louis just said that because-"

"He's an ass, I know." I chuckled before licking my lips. "Does that mean my nude was not good fapping material?"

His face changed into a few different expressions but finally, he raised his eyebrows and moved closer to me, bending down slightly to slip his arms around my waist and taking a step closer, forcing me to take a step back until my ass pressed against the couch.

"That nude is definitely great fapping material, I didn't say I wouldn't use it, I just meant that I was not doing it tonight, big difference."

My lips curled more and I chuckled as he bent down to kiss me. It was wrong, I knew it, but I couldn't help myself to let him kiss me and touch me again. I never had enough and I probably never would have.

"You're drunk." I let out before kissing him again.

"Mm, yea, a bit."

I laughed and shook my head. "Come on, let's go to bed yea?"

He groaned and his lips found my neck, making me laugh again. I loved how cuddly he became after drinking and I felt his mouth leaving small kisses on my skin, making goosebumps appear.

"Will you let me hold you and cuddle you?"

I smiled and nodded and with a low sigh, he pulled away. We walked to his room but kept the lights off and I helped him with his shirt and pants before getting undressed too, picking his shirt off the floor and putting it on. We both lied down in bed, facing each other, and I could see his drunk smile even in the darkness.

"Olivia, I love you. I think I always will."

I knew he was past the tipsy stage but I couldn't hide that his words made me smile. I moved closer and brought my hand to his cheek, letting my fingertips brush on it.

"You think?" I asked in a whisper, an amused smile reaching my lips.

"I know. I know I will always love you." he corrected himself, making me chuckle again. "And that nude, oh god, pet, just thinking about it makes me hard, look."

He grabbed my fingers before I could do anything and brought it over his boxers. As soon as I felt the shape of his cock on my palm, I moved my hand away. My heart had skipped a beat and I chuckled nervously before raising my eyebrows.

"Hey, don't do that!" I let out with a laugh, making him laugh too.

"You know I jerk off a lot thinking about you?" he mumbled. "That time you slept here, I walked to your room and saw you naked. Fuck, Liv, It got me so horny. It was the first time I saw you naked in over a year. I'm sorry, I swear it was an accident, but it made me so hard I had to jerk off in the shower."

My lips parted and my breath caught in my throat. I remembered that day very well... a bit too well. "You... wait, what?"

He groaned and moved his head before looking back at me again. "I know! I'm so sorry! I think I even moaned your name when I came."

I stared at him a few more seconds as his eyes moved quickly on my face. I pressed my lips together, feeling my heart thump hard in my chest as I tried to decide if I should tell him what I did or not.

"That day I... I sort of walked to your room to ask you for something and I saw you... in the shower." I admitted as he frowned.

"Really? How did you like it?" he asked, his lips curling into a smile. "You never told me."

I wanted to tell him that I actually touched myself next to him without him knowing but for some reasons, the words wouldn't come out and I stopped trying when he whimpered low and more closer, pulling me against him.

"Say you love me, petal. You love me right?"

I smiled a bit, leaving a soft kiss on his jaw. "I love you, Niall."

"I'm also the best fuck you ever had, I have to be." he added in a mutter, making me laugh this time. "I am, petal, tell me I am. I'm better than Louis, at least, yea?"

I moved back a bit to look at him again and frowned. I was a bit surprised by his request since he was never the type to be insecure and I just licked my lips.

"Does that really scare you?"

His face changed in a funny face and he shrugged. "Ha, no." he told me before his face changed slightly. "Okay maybe a bit."

I brought my hand back to his cheek and I suddenly got serious. I didn't want him to keep thinking about that, it was seriously useless to be scared of that.

"I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, and more than I'll ever love anyone else. And you're the best fuck I've ever had, and ever will have."

His lips curled into a smirk and he chuckled low. "I know. Now pretend I never asked."

I rolled my eyes and brought my lips to his, kissing him slowly as he answered my kiss. We didn't go further, we just kept kissing gently and deeply until we fell asleep and it was the very first time I had done something like that. When I woke up, the way I had fallen asleep came back to my mind and I felt a stupid grin draw itself on my lips. That was a bit embarrassing yet that was the most romantic thing we ever did together.

I got up slowly, making sure I wouldn't wake him up, and went to the bathroom before going to the kitchen with pills that I left on the counter. I finally made coffee and found eggs and bread, knowing he may not eat at all. I heard a groan behind me and I smiled despite myself until I felt his arms slip around my waist. His lips reached for my neck and I chuckled, moving my shoulder up.

"It tickles!" I admitted, turning to look at him with a smile. "Your stubble."

He laughed and moved away, grabbing a cup and filling it with coffee before literally swallowing the pills with the warm beverage. I remained silent and put the eggs in a plate, leaving it on the counter between us and grabbing the bread in the toaster.

"No thanks, just eggs is fine." he just shook his head as I handed him a toast.

He handed me a fork and we started eating together, still standing up and facing each other. I wanted it to be that way every single day of my life until I'd die. I wanted to wake up with him, eat breakfast with him, and spend the day with him. All my days. Every fucking day.

"What do you wanna do today?" I just asked, seeing him stop moving from the corner of my eyes.

"You're spending the day with me?"

I shrugged and pressed my lips together to make sure I wouldn't smile too big. "If you want me to."

"So many useless words coming from such a pretty mouth."

"Shut up!" I laughed. "You should have heard yourself last night!"

He grimaced and I laughed some more before shaking my head. I moved closer and wrapped both my arms around his neck, quickly pressing my lips against his. He closed his eyes and his arms slithered around my waist pulling me closer.

"What was that for?" he asked in a whisper, staring in my eyes with a smile when I pulled away.

"I was thinking of going for a walk at the park, and since we won't be able to do that there, I thought it was appropriated to do it here before we left."

His smile turned into a smirk and he raised his eyebrows. "You know what we could do before we leave?"

I laughed again and shook my head, taking a step back. God I loved him so much. How did I always feel so beautiful and desirable when I was with him was beyond me. At first, I thought it was just a way to see if he could still get me somehow, and then I thought maybe he just missed the time we were dating but now? Now I was starting to realize that perhaps it was just me. He wanted me, and he loved me. And that conclusion was exactly what I wanted.

"Maybe later." I proposed with a smile. "Let's go out. Fresh air will be good for your headache."

He groaned again and I laughed some more, walking back to his room to get my bag. I quickly got dressed, the smile on my face never faltering. Was that how it would be if I was with Niall? Would I always be happy, in love and excited to spend time with him? Realistically, I knew it was impossible to always be happy or always smile. Everyone had bad days and living with someone, or even just dating someone, was not perfect, but I felt like if I was with Niall, it would come very close to it.

He came back to the room just as I was done and started getting changed in front of me, making me roll my eyes but chuckle. It took him fifteen minutes to get ready as I waited for him next to the front door and when he appeared, my eyebrows raised.

"Wow, you look good." I pointed out.

"Those are just pants and a shirt. Why? Did you change your mind? We can spend the day in the bedroom if you want!"

I laughed again, perfectly aware that he wanted to go out as much as I did, and took a step closer before grabbing his hand in mine and staring at him. After about a minute, he frowned.

"What are we waiting for exactly?"

I squeezes his hand in mine and licked my lips. "Just trying to imagine what it would feel like to walk around with you while holding your hand."

"How does it feel?" he finally asked in a whisper.

I only send him a soft smile and let go of his hand before walking out of his house. He followed me to my car and I got behind the wheel as he took a seat on the passenger's side. He didn't comment but I knew he preferred when we used his car, perhaps it had something with keeping the control or something like that, but this time, I just wanted to choose the place. I brought him back to the park we had gone to meet last time and we walked around, enjoying the sun and the weather. It was quite a big and popular park but he had a cap on and I was clearly not famous enough to be recognized. I frowned a bit when he stepped out of the traced path to reach a part with a lot less people and sat in the grass as I did the same. We hadn't talked at all and it was not awkward. Silence was never awkward between us. After a while, I just lied down in the grass and crossed my ankles to stare at the sky. It took him a few seconds but he did the same and I noticed he had kept both his hands on his chest.

"That's a dragon." I let out, "A dragon who clearly doesn’t spit out fire. More like, bubbles or something."

I brought my arm up and traced the clouds with one of my fingers as he chuckled.

"That looks more like a snowman to me."

"A snowman? Do you have imagination at all?" I argued, raising my nose up before using a dumb voice. "Oh look, a cloud that's shaped like a cloud?"

He laughed too and I glanced at him right on time to see him lick his lips. "Okay, a few sheep then. And a fence." he paused. "Okay this one looks like two persons having sex."

"No, Niall, that's just projection."

This time, he let out a louder laughter and I smiled more. I turned back to the sky, feeling a cold breeze on my cheeks, and my eyes fluttered. My heart did exactly the same when I felt Niall's fingers grip my hand that was laying on the grass, between us.

"No PDA, remember?"

"Yea I'm re-thinking that rule."

I felt something jump in my chest as the surprise took over me but decided not to say anything. The more time I was spending with Niall, the more I realized that he had changed, and a lot. He was more mature, more balanced and clearly way more ready to settle than he used to be.

The day went by very well. We grabbed food on our way back, ate in the car and ended up at the movies. When we walked back inside his house, I felt tired and stretched with a yawn.

"Wine?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Beer is fine."

I followed him to the kitchen and sat on the counter as I looked at him open a beer and throw the cap in the bin. He took a sip and once again I rolled my eyes as he handed it to me.

"When I open it, there's a tax." he explained as If I didn't already know that rule. It had been instituted when we were teens and he had never stopped doing it since then.

"The tax could be something else than a sip, you know." I proposed with a smirk.

"Okay, show me your tits, then."

"You already took a sip." I pointed out.

"Take a sip of my beer and we'll be even. And then, show me your tits."

I laughed but ignored his request before I licked my lips.

"Yesterday you told me you saw me naked a few weeks ago and jerked off thinking about me int he shower." I told him, suddenly a bit stressed. "Remember?"

"Clearly."

I looked down at my beer as he stood near me, his right side leaned against the counter.

"I saw you in the shower." I added.

"Yea I remember you telling me that last night too." he smiled.

"Mm, when I saw you it turned me on. I.. I touched myself, too. While you were jerking off in the shower. I literally masturbated with you but you never saw me."

His lips parted a bit and he put his beer away before letting out the air in his lungs quickly. His eyebrows raised again and he moved between my legs, grabbing the beer from my hands and putting it away with his as he spread his hands on my thighs. He didn't say anything else, he just reached for the hem of my pants and immediately, I held myself with my hands on the counter and moved my ass up. He pulled on my pants, bringing my panties with them and let them fall on the floor before taking a step back.

"Get your feet on the counter, spread those thighs, darling."

I felt my heart jump in my chest and bit my bottom lip before doing what he asked. His gaze immediately dropped between my legs and he grabbed a chair, placing it in front of me before sitting on it. He made a quick chin movement in my direction before looking up in my eyes.

"Show me what you did." he let out. "Do it like I'm not here."

It took me a few seconds to react but I brought two fingers to my mouth, leaving some spit on them before bringing them between my legs. I let my fingers brush on my clit and slip inside me for a few seconds before going back to my clit. I couldn't take my eyes off of him and the way he was looking at me with a stoic face was driving me insane.

"You know, last time was easier because you were touching yourself."

I had no idea what went through his head but he kept looking at my fingers rubbing against my clit and slipping inside me alternately for a few minutes and finally took his cock out and started stroking it very slowly. The sight made a whimper escape my lips and my thighs tensed as I reached for my clit again. He looked amazing and there was nothing I wanted more than to watch him touch himself until he'd reach an orgasm except maybe feeling him inside me. My eyes were stuck on his cock and when he started leaking precum, I took my hand away from my pussy.

"I think you should come here and fuck me."

"No, you come here and sit on me."

I nodded quickly and moved off the counter before straddling him, still holding myself with my feet on the floor. He watched his cock enter me as I sat on it and let out a curse word as I quickly took my shirt and bra off. Once again, I was naked and he was completely dressed but I didn't mind. I felt at ease to be vulnerable in front of him, and that thought brought me close to tears.

I started moving up and down on him and I felt his hands run on my breasts, stomach, back an ass. He spanked me gently and then a bit harder, making me ride him quicker. It felt too good and my whole body started throbbing as I came close to an orgasm. He groaned and I felt his hands on my hips, helping me up. It made me frown but I followed his lead as he took my hand and brought it between my legs. I started rubbing my clit again and whimpered as I saw him jerk or again. I could feel the tip of his cock brush between my legs with each stroke of his hand and when he came, he pushed my hand away and I felt myself start shaking, his cum spurting against my clit as the tip of his cock brushed against it, helping me reach my peak too. I quivered and moaned, hearing him groan and the whole sight was just too hot. I knew it would probably make a mess but I really didn't give a fuck. I was panting as I slowly got down from my high and reached between my legs with my hand, my fingers brushing on my sensitive clit as I spread his cum on my pussy.

"That was so hot." I confessed in a whisper, making him look up in my eyes.

He got up without answering and grabbing my face to kiss me hard. I felt his cock press against my stomach and moaned in his mouth as he smiled through the kiss.

"Stay naked." he murmured as I nodded before I followed him to his room.

I saw him take off his clothes too and went to the bathroom to clean a bit before getting back in bed. He turned the lights off and we stayed together in silence, just watching the ceiling.

"Heidi sent me a picture of you in a wedding dress." he finally just randomly said after a few minutes. "That's why I didn't answer your text message, I was just so... flabbergasted by how good you looked."

I felt a wave of hated for Heidi for half a second but when I realized what Niall had said, it quickly vanished. I knew I looked ridiculous, no matter which dress he had seen me in, but the fact that he thought I looked great made my whole body feel warm suddenly.

"I want a future with you, Olivia." he just admitted, leaving me speechless.

He turned to me and pulled me closer before I heard him start singing. I closed my eyes to focus on his words and besides his voice, all I could hear was the sound of my heartbeats.

"My mind is complicated Find it hard to rearrange it But I'll have to find a way somehow Overreacting lately Find it hard to say I'm sorry But I'll make it up to you somehow

And I just don't know why The stars won't shine at night

Tell me you want it A thousand miles away from the day that we started But I'm standing here with you just tryna be honest If honesty means telling you the truth Well, I'm still in love with you

Did I miscalculate this? Let's just go back to basics Forget about what's come and gone 'Cause I hate to see us like this Breaking up on nights just like this We should be shooting for them stars of gold

So tell me you want it A thousand miles away from the day that we started But I'm standing here with you just tryna be honest If honesty means telling you the truth Then I guess we lost our focus And it's killing me that we could go to war like this But I'm standing here with you just tryna be honest If honesty means telling you the truth Well I'm still in love with you

Oh, we'll be alright Oh, it'll be alright Oh, we'll be alright Oh, it'll be alright

So tell me you want it A thousand miles away from the day that we started But I'm standing here with you just tryna be honest If honesty means telling you the truth I guess we lost our focus And it's killing me that we could go to war like this But I'm standing here with you just tryna be honest If honesty means telling you the truth Well I'm still in love with you"

I held my breath for so long I thought I was just going to pass out but I inhaled again when I felt tears fall down my cheeks. He sniffed and my eyes fluttered open only to see him crying. We just stayed there, laying in the dark, looking at each other, both crying, overwhelmed by feelings we didn't really know how to handle. I moved closer and kissed his lips until he deepened the kiss. I tasted the saltiness of his tears and he probably tasted mine, but we didn't care. All that mattered was his warm naked body against mine and the words he had sang to me.

"I love you so much." he sobbed to me in a whisper. "I wrote this the first day I saw you again at the bakery."

I wanted to tell him that I wanted it, just like he asked. I wanted to tell him that I was ready to jump back into this, to be with him and give us an other chance, but I just couldn't. I breathed in deeply and took a decision though. I was going to break up with Dylan. Clearly, it was not working and whether I decided to be with Niall again or not, I couldn't just keep Dylan around and keep on hurting him for weeks.

"That's one of the most beautiful songs I ever heard, Niall." I murmured, feeling my lips brush against his. "All of your songs for me..."

I cried again, letting more tears fall on my cheeks.

"We did lose our focus it's true... but it's back. I focus on you Niall. And you're right, we'll be alright."

I heard him break down again and it broke my heart. I brought my mouth on his against and we kissed some more. I felt his hand on my back and his fingers holding me so tight that they sank in my skin. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him but there were no words. I wish we could have a longer conversation and I felt like there were so many things left unsaid that clearly needed to be heard, but there was no way I was going to ruin this moment.

"I love you, Niall. We'll be alright." I repeated low before I heard his voice crack slightly.

"We'll be alright."

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