#I value them all and am overwhelmed with feels when I think about it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fluffyfantasticducky · 1 month

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Utterly Infuriating

☆ Pairing: Loki x Reader ☆ Synopsis: Loki is very bad with people, so meeting anyone new just means a new enemy, and you didn't seem to be the exception. And the way you start getting along seems to indicate so. But... perhaps that's not entirely true. ☆ Word Count: 8,607 ☆ Notes: Playful tickles, (a probably very bad) enemies to lovers. @blehblahsworld requested an enemies to lovers and secret dating Loki x Reader, I hope it's more or less what you hoped for. ☆ Warnings: Heavily headcanonned (is that a word?) Loki. This is my first (and probably only) enemies to lovers, the beginning isn't very good because of that, other than that it's a lot of playfulness and tickles. Lots of flashbacks to what I imagine Loki's childhood would be, I just have a weird obsession of writing nostaglic!Loki stuff, I am so sorry.

Who would have thought that Loki would end up becoming part of the group he had tried to take down in the first place? It was laughable, really. People he thought just a thorn in his side were now his first genuine group of friends.

But here he was.

He learned to find humor in Stark and Barton’s sarcastic quips. He got along with Banner, who he found comfortably quiet to read books or drink tea with. He learned to fear and admire Romanoff’s skill and cold mind under pressure, but also adored challenging himself to try tricking her (he wasn’t successful for the most part). He came to admire Roger’s leadership and strong values, and of course reconnecting with his brother was something he’d never admit how much it meant to him. And he learned how much forgiveness and that sense of belonging fulfilled him.

He was a bit surprised that in 10 years the group had grown at least 4 or even 5 times its size. They had gone from 6 heroes to 30 something, with half of them being permanent residents on the Headquarters while the rest came and went.

That’s where he met you. Gods, he didn’t know how there could be someone so insufferable. You were worse than Thor.

You were bright and bubbly, always wore your heart on your sleeve, contrary to him who who always hid his feelings. Loki was a charmer, deliciously cynical and the life of the party if he chose to join, you on the other side where a bit shyer and not the greatest fan of crowded rooms unless it was full of friends; it quite reminded him of the anxiousness he felt as a prince in Asgard, always worried about being seen making a mistake, he was sure you felt exactly that kind of stress.

Seen that way, you and Loki were like day and night. It was no wonder you and Loki hated each other at first side.

“Brother! Come quick!” Thor called. “There’s someone I’d like you to meet!”

Loki sighed and left his book on the little coffee table and got up, Thor’s voice came all the way from the kitchen (loud as always) so he took a bit to reach the kitchen, and as he got closer to the room he noticed laughter and sweet scent filled the air.

It was Thor’s familiar boisterous laughter that made the buildings shake, and a new unfamiliar laughter.

He arrived and saw a Rogers, Romanoff, Thor, Stark and… someone new. That new person was cooking pancakes for dinner and when he turned around… you were like opening the door on a cold winter night after being by the fire all day. Overwhelming for sure.

“Brother what is going on…?”

You had a bright grin on your face and announced Rogers to think fast. Steve chuckled and lifted his plate and soon a pancake flew through the air, nearly hitting Loki in the head had he not ducked in time, before smacking against the plate in Rogers’ hands. Everyone cheered and laughed.

“What the—?!” Loki gasped.

“We got a new friend!” Thor claimed brightly.

“We met at the gym” Natasha announced. “I knew I had met a mutant when I sparred with someone who didn’t hit the floor in the first 3 seconds.”

You smiled timidly and walked to the fridge, lowered and with a single hand and a loud creek, the fridge was lifted effortlessly from the floor.

“Oh.” Loki said uninterested. “Can I go back to my book?”

“I thought I could make dinner as a thank you for being so welcoming” you smiled politely.

“Welcoming?” Loki asked, tilting his head.

“I’m moving here” you grinned brightly.

You know how people sometime tense up when they try to hide their excitement? Well, Loki tense up for the exact opposite reason.

“Remember that empty room beside yours?” Tony smiled brightly. “It’s not gonna be empty anymore.”

Even better.

“What do you like in your pancakes? Chocolate? Nuts? Berries?” you smiled warmly.

“Uh… nuts and berries?” Loki said.

The dinner was delicious, he could give you that. But the second he finished he excused himself wanting to go to bed early. He went to pick up his book before going to his bedroom.

“Ah, brother. There you are.” Thor smiled, already in his pajamas, white and blue stripped pants, a white t-shirt with a stamp of Mjolnir with a cutesy face. “I wanted to talk to you. About our new friend? What do you think? Friendly, right?”

“Awfully” Loki rolled his eyes, “I didn’t think I’d met someone as loud as you. I already have a headache. I know for sure life here has just become infinitely more aggravating…”

“Brother… don’t be like that…” Thor said sadly. Loki simply sighed and went inside his room.

Next morning he saw you again for breakfast. Everyone had their own schedule so to eat there was only Wanda, Loki, Bucky, and you. You helped to make breakfast and you ate quietly, finished quickly and picked up the plates of everyone to put it on the dishwasher and it started running.

“You’re quite helpful…” Wanda smiled warmly.

“Oh, it’s nothing. I wouldn’t want to be aggravating” you smiled brightly, giving a quick glance at Lki that might as well have killed him before leaving the kitchen.

Since then Loki and you hated each other, you argued on daily basis. If Loki said red, you said blue, if he said up you said down.

It even got in the middle of missions. It was only a matter of time until your constant clashing blew up in everyone’s faces.

It wasn’t the greatest idea to send you and Loki on the same group either. But Steve thought it’d help you two get along better if you fought side by side for a mutual goal. It was a nice, but perhaps too innocent thought.

The mission was simple, as Tony called it “bad guys had hostages” situation. There was a bit of intel Nat and Bucky were interested in, hoping to find other settings where potentially more people could be in danger. So it had to be a smooth infiltration and until finding the civilians then it was “breaking stuff” time… Tony should not be allowed to name missions at this point. It made it difficult to take them seriously.

You had been left alone with Loki to find where the hostages were being held captive while Nat went to find the main computer to gather the information while the rest of the group started surrounding and sabotaging the headquarters to cause a diversion and given you a quick escape, plus neutralizing a threat.

Loki wanted to do things his way, as usual. But you had managed to sneak into a clothes hut and you got uniforms to pass undetected… Very much against Loki’s will given he kept arguing he could’ve just casted an illusion.

“This is absurd” Loki scoffed as he put on a shirt gray shirt. “We’re wasting valuable time. My illusions—”

“—Would’ve been casted off the second someone lays a hand on us” you reasoned, doing your best, although fruitless attempt not to sound annoyed at him. “These guys are weirdly touchy, a hand on your shoulder and your done for.”

Loki turned around to give you a snarky comeback, only to be cut off when he saw you changing. You both had been facing opposite directions to give each other privacy, but his attitude got the best of him.

He did not expect the sight he was greeted you as he saw you dressing up.

Your body was toned thanks to the training, and it showed the overly demanding lifestyle and dieting being an Avenger required. It was weird you were muscled like one would expect, given your mutation focused on your physical strength, although he didn’t really know how that worked so he just figured that was part of it. But one would easily tell you trained on a daily basis.

He was mesmerized, even smiling softly at you.

When you turned around you caught him staring and your face turned bright red and you let out a loud screech. Loki panicked and tackled you to cover your mouth.

But it was too late. A guard gave opened the door and the alarms started sounding. It was time to run if you wanted to rescue the hostages.

“What happened?!” Steve spoke through the comms. “The alarms are going off!”

“We were caught!” you called. “Loki—!”

“—tried to save me but I blew it!” Loki cut you off.

“It was your fault!” you snapped at him. “We gotta rush to get the hostages!”

“We need to get the intel we were set to do first…” Loki argued, “we can’t lose the input if the other hostage locations.”

“I’m not abandoning the hostages here, we’re getting them first!” you argued.

“We’re not gonna do either if you guys don’t focus!” Natasha argued through the communicator.

A thing of these groups that became quite cliché was there was always a bunch of guys the were big. Mutants as well. Big, tall and sturdy, almost like human walls, not very smart but insanely strong. He had an axe the size of a human.

You clashed your fist against the guard’s axe and it made you both recoil to process the soreness the impact caused on both of you. This guy clearly had a similar level of raw strength as you. So you wouldn’t be winning this on your own.

You turned to ask for Loki’s back up, but a green fog formed on the spot as Loki vanished on thin air. Not only leaving you on your own, but making the battle field a blurry mess.

“Loki?!”

“Sorry, mortal.” Loki said sarcastically. “We can’t let you ruin the mission.”

“LOKI!” you yelled as you barely dodged a swing from the axe.

“Trickster, go with Romanoff to get the intel!” Tony stated as he flew above the enemy base, knocking out a couple of troupes with his missiles. “Hercules, go with Cap to get the hostages! Go! Go! Go!”

The rest of the mission was a blur, the hostages barely escaped alive, and a few were harmed and had to be treated in the flight back home, and Natasha was injured when she got an ambush from the guards when she was downloading the data.

Even after missions were a nightmare for everyone around you two. The entire trip was loud and obnoxious.

“You had to back me up when the big guy shows up! Not just vanish from the fight!”

“Excuse you, that fight wouldn’t have taken place t begin with if you hadn’t blown our cover!” Loki yelled at you. “You’re lucky my mist cloak allowed us a clean exit!”

“Clean exit?!” you screamed back, poking his chest. “I got a slash on my leg because I couldn’t see where I was going!”

“Yeah, and if you could stay still and not scream so much, I’d patch you up easier” Natasha said half amusedly.

“Sorry Nat…” you apologized, your mood changing completely to warm and friendly.

Thor pulled his brother to the other end of the ship to try having some peace and quiet until they got home.

Of course, Fury was… well, furious.

“You pair of moronic and irresponsible idiots!” Fury said. “It’s a fucking miracle no one is died while the two of you fought like kindergarten brats! Suspended. Both of you. 3 weeks.”

“What?! Director!” you whined.

“Director nothing! Let’s see if this time alone helps you two get along better.” Fury scoffed. “Dismissed.”

Loki on the other hand, didn’t argue. Men with Nick Fury’s temper couldn’t be reasoned with when they were this pissed. He would know, he grew up with two at home. So he just nodded and left the room when he was told to.

It would be a long lock down.

You weren’t much more pleased with the decision, given that after this mission you had plans to go out to the city and now you were essentially grounded like a 5 year old. Downsides of living in the compound, every so often, if you messed up real bad you’d be “grounded”.

Loki too had plans ruined by this. Not the type the others had, who went to big events or dated civilians who they could stay over for a few days when they had time off. Loki didn’t even have friends outside of the Avengers… or at all. But he had learned to enjoy going into the city and indulge in some human theater, casting an illusion to conceal his identity of course, otherwise people would panic. But he liked it, but the dramatic costumes, the theatrical and embellished of speaking of some plays, and the occasional musical that had always a song or two stuck o his brain for a few weeks.

But now that wouldn’t happen until next month. Instead he was stuck with someone he couldn’t stand and that couldn’t stand him back. Great.

The next day of when everyone left to live their lives out of the compound while he stayed locked in his room for as long as he could. He read, he had a little cloth ball that he threw up and caught, he used his illusions to entertain himself, and he even used his phone to try entertaining himself for as long as he could, but sooner than later he grew bored.

He wasn’t the type to be able to stay still, and he got out of his room to walk around the compound, his legs already itching to get a good walk.

As he stretched his body with a nice walk and he felt his mood already boosted a little. He was by the kitchen when he heard music, and not just music, but a song he recognized.

“It’s time to try defying gravity. I think I’ll try defying gravity. Kiss me goodbye, I’m defying gravity. And you won’t bring me down” he heard the song he very much he liked.

As he walked by the kitchen following the song he was greeted with yet another pleasant surprise. A sweet aroma of one of his favorite treats as a kid, apple pie. He remembered being a young child in Asgard, pulling all the tricks and spells in his arsenal to steal the baked goodies from the talented Pastry chefs the palace had in its staff.

His Odin and Frigga impressions became as good as they were due to impersonating them to request for apple pies when his mother made the kitchen “Loki proof” with her magic. He used to eat it so much that right before he turned a teen, he got quite chubby from how much and how often he ate it. At some point he resigned to his baked love in favor of losing weight and becoming a more efficient warrior… although every so often there would be a party and he’d be sure to get a big slice of apple pie to indulge on his guilty pleasure.

Long story short, he absolutely loved apple pie and just the smell made his mouth water and his stomach growl.

He found his feet moving on his own to the kitchen and he didn’t have time to process you were the only one at home, ergo, it was you who he found in the kitchen, baking, and dancing, and singing along the music. He realized right away you hadn’t realized were no longer alone. You had that lack of shame in your dance that one could only have when they were completely alone, his mind wandered to the accidental peep he got at your body during the mission. He couldn’t help but laugh a bit, he hadn’t seen you so relaxed and carefree, even with your bubbly and energetic nature.

Unfortunately, that soft chuckle gave away his presence.

“Ack!” you screech dropping pie onto the floor, your face red like a tomato.

Loki barely reacted fast enough to cast a spell of to catch the pie inches above the ground, but sparing the baked treat and burning to the counter.

It smelled heavenly.

“My apologies, mortal” Loki chuckled, sounding more amused than sorry, although he didn’t mock you, doubting you would be wiling to share your cooking with someone who made fun of him. “I swear I wasn’t trying to scare you.”

“You did!” you scolded him with a beet red blush along your face, Loki surprised himself finding it quite endearing. “God dammit, is it a pastime of yours creeping up on me?!”

“I wasn’t aware you liked Wicked too…” Loki mentioned, changing the subject, wanting to get on your good side. And it worked, because your expression changed, you seemed surprised.

“You like musicals?” you said with a slight smile. “I didn’t take you for someone to like human stuff.”

“Well, a misunderstood character that gets people thinking them a monster because of their skin color and decides to accept that they can only be a villain because that’s the only think you get to be? Might as well be my autobiography.”

“Don’t forget the green and black color aesthetic” you giggled, making him laugh as well. “And a bit snobby.”

“Yeah, I suppose that too.” He smiled.

“I never thought of it like that” you said. “Was it that bad? Being an Elphaba?”

The way you said felt quite soft, kind. It stirred something in his chest.

“To be perfectly fair, I found out I was a frost giant when I was 1,048 years old” Loki admitted. “But at the time I felt like I was going insane. Frost giants were monsters, and in a constant state of imminent war with Asgard…”

“I can imagine you felt like the enemy of everyone you loved” you said sympathetically. “It must have been awful…”

“Earth was a witness to how badly it affected me…”

“wait! New Mexico and New York were the collateral damage to an identity crisis and a mental breakdown from a twenty-year-old?!” you exclaimed, your chin against the counter and tugging on your hair.

Loki shrunk in his place.

“You’re telling me it could have been solved with some therapy, a cup of tea, and probably a hug?”

Loki was a bit surprised that your response wasn’t as aggressive towards him, if anything it irradiated a weird mix of anger and empathy.

“There was also a hint of mind control” Loki defended himself.

“Yeah right, a wizard did it.” You smiled amusedly, and weirdly enough, it made him laugh. “We all saw that you had to touch people’s chests with the pointy end to make it work.”

“I mean it” he smiled. “The mind control from the scepter Thanos gave me came from the time stone in it, and it fueled those around him with anger and left them vulnerable to obey orders if you held onto it for long enough. Banner has pointed out he and the others felt it too. I felt so much… I don’t know… rage? …I didn’t realize what was going most of the time… it wasn’t until I had lost that I truly realized what I had done… and it took even longer for me to realize the gravity of my actions…”

That seemed to convince you, and Loki felt a weird relief from you believing him. You stayed in silence for a while.

“That’s heavy…” you mumbled, not sure what else to tell him, and you offered him your hand.

He wasn’t sure what made him place his hand on your and you gave him a little squeeze, before gently caressing his knuckles with a touch so sweet that made thrills go down his spine. You smiled at him.

“Well… You are one of us freaks now” you smiled softly in a way that made him feel warm and fuzzy.

He pulled his hand away and cleared his throat, feeling his face uncharacteristically hot as he looked down and to his side, just trying to avoid your gaze. You laughed and tried following where his gaze pointed towards, looking at the warm pie on the counter.

“Want some?” you offered, tilting your head to point to the pie and Loki’s stomach grumbled, almost in an involuntary affirmation. He really should’ve had breakfast. You laughed and cut him a big slice and Loki’s mouth water.

He hadn’t really been looking at the pie, but he sure didn’t argue back if you offered him some. The taste was divine. He couldn’t help a rather inappropriate sounding hum of pleasure.

“Oh Norns, what did you put in this?” he asked, his mouth half full of the sweet pie. “These tastes so different from… Mmm! Oh Norns!”

“Ah, just the usual, flour, eggs, milk, apple marmalade, sliced apples, sugar, cinnamon” you listed.

“Cinnamon? What is this cinnamon?” he spoke happily as he ate more. “What kind of apples? They feel so different… Mmmm! This is amazing!”

Loki felt like a child again. For a moment he forgot of everything, he ate messily, a bit of marmalade falling on his shirt which never used to happen. He ate loud and let out happy moans and hums as he enjoyed the pie.

He ate so fast he didn’t realize he had almost finished the huge slice until he saw you serving him another huge, warm, sweet, slice of pie. You didn’t shame him, you simply giggled and smiled brightly at him.

He ate more until he was stuffed… Which happened only once he had finish most of the pie. If anything, what he didn’t eat could be barely called a slice. He felt a bit ashamed from his lack of self control, he hadn’t behaved like this since he was a child. He even let out a small airy burp.

“Excuse me…” he apologized, his face burning from shame.

But rather than being disgusted, you burst out laughing. Loki grimaced from shame.

“Sorry, sorry” you laughed. “Adopted or not, you truly are Thor’s brother. You Asgardians sure have a huge appetite.”

Loki smiled. Despite it being a teasing statement, it didn’t feel aggressive, and so it drew a happy laugh from him. You had a charm to you he couldn’t help but smile and feel like a kid around you.

“You’re so…” he growled with a big grin.

“Aggravating?” you said with a weak smile.

Ah, that. He now regretted his words from the first day you two met. He was such a fool. He saw someone loud and bright and decided you were annoying. But while those first statements were true, you were a delight to have around. And a great baker.

“I should probably… a-ap… um… I haven’t been the best God to be around… Ah… I want to… a— apolo— uh…”

“Apologize?” you smiled and he gulped, before nodding. “Apology accepted. I haven’t been the easiest person for you to deal with… I’m sorry too. Want the last slice?”

Just like that? He didn’t understand how he got away with it so easy. But the offer of the last slice made him nod and you served him the last bit of the pie. Your apology was a bit short too, but as you were placing the last slice on his plate, he noticed your face turn bright red. You didn’t seem much better at apologizing. But the effort was there.

He was flooded by a happy memory of his family.

He had failed to convince on of the pastry chefs to make him a pie. He went to climb a special tree on his mother’s garden where he hid to self-contain his tantrums, knowing that his Seidr went out of control when he was upset.

He didn’t know how long he was up there when he heard someone calling him. Frigga.

“Loki? Child? Are you up there?” a voice called him.

“No! I’m not!” he whined.

He heard Frigga laugh and a sudden sweet aroma filled his nose that made his anger fade away. Apple pie.

“C’mon brother, you come down or I’ll go get you!” he heard Thor calling him playfully. He couldn’t stop himself from laughing a little bit.

“If he doesn’t, I will!” a third voice added.

Loki jolted and jumped down from where was hiding from the tree, falling right on his father’s arms and both tumbled down onto the grass. Odin didn’t often have enough free time to escape his duties and spend quality time around his family. But every once in a while, he sneaked out of his royal duties so all four could do something together.

The rest of the evening they sat together on Frigga’s garden to eat apple pie together, playing and laughing together, and this had been one of the rare occasions where he could outshine Thor, showing the new trick Frigga had taught him. Having the little flower he had picked jump from his hands and onto his brother’s head now as a frog who screeched and fell backwards, making everyone burst out laughing.

It had been one of those happy days full of laughter and joy. Thor and Loki fought with wood swords and both parents chased their kids pretending to be a pair of Bilgesnipes but trapping them in tickle hugs only for both brothers to team up and try returning the favor to their parents… key word: tried.

Loki felt his eyes water a bit and he let out an airy laugh as he wiped his tears. He felt a bit foolish for letting all his anger and insecurities let him forget all those happy days. And letting himself and everyone in his family be drowned in royal duties as he and Thor slowly approached the age of one of them ascending the throne.

“Hey, I didn’t my apple pie was that good” you joked, but still passed him a napkin to clean his eyes.

“S-Sorry, no… yes, it’s um… it’s very good.” He said, feeling a knot on his throat. “Thank you so much… for… f-feeding me. I hadn’t eaten one of these in a few decades. It was…”

“Nostalgic?” you finished the phrase for him, and he nodded. For a silver-tongued guy, he was very bad at expressing his feelings. “It’s okay… Just say the word and I’ll make more for you.”

He smiled and sighed as he wiped the last tears.

“Thank you.”

“Sure…” you nodded and your cheeks turned red. “Hey… uh… since you don’t hate me anymore… maybe we could watch a movie together in the lounge room. Maybe. If you want.”

That made Loki laugh.

“I hated you?! You made it a ritual to disagree with me and get on my nerves, or do I remind you that you are half to blame for the two of us being in a lockdown?!” he said, but he found no anger in his voice, if anything he sounded amused.

The way your face contorted into a funny ashamed grimace made him bite the inside of his cheek to hold back a laugh.

“Maybe… but what was I supposed to do?! I thought you hated my guts!”

“Perhaps let your pride aside for a mission?!” Loki laughed.

“I could let my pride aside had you not mortified it” you grumbled.

Loki froze for a second. The phrasing was different, but he knew exactly what you were referring.

“You like Jane Austen?!” he gasped.

“You like Jane Austen?!”

“I met her!” Loki exclaimed and casted an extremely old book, but it was extremely well kept. “I got this book. “I didn’t come to earth often, but I loved to make little trips to get books. I got this book for my 848th birthday, it’s quite literally a first edition.”

“No way!” you said fascinated as you looked at the book and skimmed through the pages and noticed a scribble and you nearly dropped on the floor. “IT’S SIGNED?! I HATE YOU!”

You grabbed the book and ran.

“HEY! GIVE IT BACK, YOU THIEF!” Loki laughed and chased after you, feeling a flutter in his chest he had never felt.

He chased you around the compound and when he got in range he casted a concealment spell to protect his precious book but now you were in trouble.

Now, he knew you better than he’d ever admit, and he knew that you were one of those mutants that had quite literally god-like strength, just like the spiderling. Although your powers were limited to better stamina, superhuman strength and considerably better speed than an average mutant, but not quite outstanding in that group. And thank goodness because a weakness you had were two left feet and constantly having missteps.

Just like one that given the rush of adrenaline made you drop behind the couch and Loki jumped, sitting on your waist, straddling you with his legs and he struggled to pin your arms to each side of your head. Your faces inches away from each other’s, your breaths were getting mixed from the proximity as you both panted after the chase.

Norns, you smelled like flowers and that delicious apple pie. And your lips, half parted were just so inviting… And… no one would know if…

Before he acted, you had pressed your mouth against his, kissing him fervently and he did not object a single bit, kissing you with a passion he hadn’t realized he felt, always too busy with his misconception of you. But now that he had a taste of you he was going wild with the amount of desire in his gut. You were gorgeous, sexy, funny, caring… very… very sexy.

“I’m sorry…” he breathed heavily. “I was an utter, bumbling fool… I’m sorry… I was the aggravating one, and I judged you too fast.”

“I’m sorry too… I was stupid too, I got too defensive and aggressive…” you whispered against his lips, filling his body with warmth and electricity. “I’m so sorry for being a pain in the ass.”

“Let’s take this elsewhere” he huffed breaking the kiss for just an instance.

And so, the lockdown with you went from punishment to blessing. Now the two of you couldn’t get your hands off each other. One thing he had got right from the first meeting is that you gave him that aura of someone who was extremely affectionate. But he never imagined how good it felt to be on the receiving end of those affections. And you were a forced to be reckoned with, but you loved with the same ferocity you fought, and Loki couldn’t love it more.

He had had lovers in the past, but it always felt transactional, like it was to get something from him, or he let his own insecurities sabotage his relationships. But this was… fun… easy. He no longer had any nobility titles on earth, and you refused to acknowledge him as a god in the literal sense. You treated him like an equal, you wanted nothing from him. You were purely and simply into him… and that made him madly into you.

But it all changed the second the rest started coming back from their lives on the outside world and return to the compound. Loki couldn’t help but feel self-conscious about being lovey dovey in public, much less with someone he had sworn to despise. He knew he’d never hear the end of it from the others. But he couldn’t help being captivated by your beauty, your kindness, your sense of humor, that body of yours… Damn, he was doomed. And you didn’t seem to think much different because you also held back from your affections as soon as there was someone else around.

Wanda and Vision were the first one to return, but those two were in a forever state of honeymoon and barely noticed the world around each other when they were together. But not long after, the compound was full of everyone.

Loki would go insane on days like that because he couldn’t shower with you with his devoted affections. It was like a nasty itch he couldn’t quite scratch.

But it was noticeable that something had changed between the two of you, given you went from nearly killing each other on every interaction to agreeing on nearly everything. And Loki had stopped avoiding the kitchen where everyone gathered around you while you baked. Loki gained a pound or two since the two of you started dating since you always made apple pie especially for him and now, he never missed a single baked treat you made.

It even made him interacted a lot more with everyone else, which at first he considered a sacrifice, but after growing accustomed to the noise, he came to enjoy the company. It reminded him of those few days where his parents, Thor and himself would spend time just relaxing together. And he was sure that was exactly what Thor thought too.

“So, you swear it on your life?” Tony asked.

“Yes Stark, I swear” Loki scoffed with a tiny smile. “Just because I was D. B. Cooper doesn’t mean I caused every little historical mystery. I don’t know who Jack the Ripper was. What he did was vile and disgusting, Thor and I only indulged on confusing humanity, not tormenting you all.”

“Swear it on the name of the love of your life” Clint said holding his beer.

“What?!” Loki said, tensing up, fearing the two of you had been caught.

“I don’t know, you don’t have a wife…” the archer shrugged. “Just swear.”

“I swear it, Barton” Loki said, feeling a bit relieved, but he eyed you and he noticed you had pursed your lips, unsuccessfully fighting a smile and he felt a fuzzy warmth running around in his chest. “But… we may or may not have something to do a certain lost tomb of an ancient queen…”

“NO!” Tony gasped with an incredulous but fascinated smile.

Thor rubbed the back of his neck with an apologetical smile. “Sorry about that…” he apologized and his crewmates started bombarding him with questions. He was so lost in the conversation he failed to hear you calling for him until you raised your voice loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Loki, cupcake?”

“Yes?” he responded in automatic.

He immediately realized his mistake when he saw the tray of cupcakes in your hand. You were not calling sweet petnames. You were offering him a treat. Everyone was looking at him weirdly.

“Are you asking me or telling me?” you saved the situation quickly.

“I do… want a cupcake” he clarified, clearing his throat to not sound nervous.

“Extra cake frosting for frost not so giant?” you smiled teasingly.

“Sure.”

And there had been a few more slips here and there. From how much time you two spent together lately, how you always sat together to sneak little caresses under the table to reaffirm your mutual love even if in secret. Or even developing an acute hearing to kiss as passionately as you could when no one was around which led to a few close calls. Or a few night he’d sneak into your room (and vice versa) to spend the night.

And it slowly became more noticeable to the one person who knew him best, or well, at least for the longest time.

Loki had been invited to see a racecar event on the TV with Thor, Romanoff, Stark, Barton, Banner, Rogers and the rest of the guys. You had declined the invitation, more interested in trying a new recipe and unfortunately for Loki you two had decided that it’d be better for keeping face if Loki joined the others and socialized with the group instead of going to watch you bake. And just like that, Loki was stuck watching a bunch of cars running in circles with a now nearly empty glass of Asgardian ale on his hand.

“So… you and our little pastry cook, hm?” Bucky asked, drinking his own glass, that had just a bit of Asgardian ale to make up for the super-soldier resistance to alcohol, making him slightly tipsy. “Happy for you.”

“What?” Loki asked, his body stiffening.

“It’s clear you feel a little something-something” Tony wiggled his eyebrows. “Have you done anything about it yet?”

“You bet” Natasha chuckled. “Why do you think they argue way less lately? Missions hadn’t been this easy in so long!”

Loki felt his cheeks warm, but he simply hid behind his glass under the excuse to drink more.

“Congratulations, brother!” Thor grinned from ear to ear.

“You’re all straight up delusional!” Loki blushed profoundly.

Everyone laughed loudly at Loki’s reaction, very evidently not believing a single word. He was so embarrassed, and he couldn’t help the hot blush on his face that went all the way to his ears.

“C’mon… tell us the truth!” Tony elbowed his ribs, making Loki jolt, which was noticed by the inventor. “What was that?”

Thor spoke before Loki could come up with an excuse.

“Ah, my brother is awfully ticklish!” Thor smiled brightly. “He used to love getting tickled when we were little.”

“THOR!” Loki protested with his face red like a tomato. “N-No, I’m— I was a child back then!”

Everyone smiled at him in a way that made even the god of mischief want to run for his life. But Thor knew him well, and before he could escape, and he had put him in an arm master lock, and Loki started squirming to break free, but of course, in a one of one, Loki would never beat Thor in terms of physical strength. Everyone exchanged looks and Loki knew exactly what they were thinking.

“Ohoho! I like how you think, Sparky.” Tony chuckled letting his drink to the side, also grabbing Loki’s drink not to waste it.

“That brings back memories, eh Bucky?” Steve chuckled, exchanging an affectionate smile with his best friend.

“And if my memory works correctly, it was a good way to make you talk” Bucky agreed.

“Let’s see if it works for Loki TOO” Steve said and left his beer.

Everyone had forgotten the race on the TV and their drinks to focus on the currently helpless Loki.

“All of you! If you even dare to lay a single finger on me, I swear I will— ACK!” Loki was cut off my a light poke on the side by Natasha. His face burned. “DON’T!”

Everyone was giggling at the reaction from the young god. Loki could only squirm and tug against his older brother’s grip.

And with that, everyone jumped on their former enemy. Poking and prodding the God of Mischief’s torso. Loki tensed up and held his breath eventually letting out a few laughs, still doing his best to refrain his laughter. He wanted to hold back, but every nerve that was being tormented begged him to laugh.

“This could easily end if you admit you are dating—” Tony teased.

“I’M NOHOHOT!” Loki yelped, cursing himself for the laughs that escaped past his lips.

A part of him wanted to just get over it and admit how helplessly in love he was with you, he could easily start demonstrating the world how much he loved you. But he knew neither he or you was ready to deal with the teasing it’d unleash, and even if you were ready, he wanted to do it together, not because it was tortured out of him.

“Man, he’s more ticklish than my kids” Clint laughed as he squeezed Loki’s left ribs.

“Oh, I was just going to say that” Tony laughed, but I squeezing Loki’s lower stomach. “He’s a lot feistier though, Morgan would already be in a giggle fit if I tickled here, below her belly button.”

“Yeah, but your kids don’t have an ego to protect” Natasha laughed as she wiggled her fingers along Loki’s right armpit.

Banner was a lot nicer in the sense that he wasn’t teasing him, but the constant squeezes above his kneecap had Loki twitching.

“I think he’s gonna explode” Steve chuckled as he poked and scribbled along Loki’s side. “This could all be over if you just admit you are seeing a certain someone we all know you are dating.”

“WE AHAHAHAHA- WE AREN’T!” Loki laughed. “I SWEAR! LET ME GO YOU BUNCH OF- NOHOHOHOHO! NOT THERE! NOHOHOHOHO! STOP!”

Now Loki’s face was a dark shade of red and he was laughing his head off. It made everyone freeze a little. He was squirming as if he was being exorcised.

“Woah! He’s losing it!” Steve jumped. “Who did that?”

“That would be me” Thor smiled innocently.

Everyone moved his hands to reveal Thor contorting his arms in a rather uncomfortable manner although very effective position where he kept Loki’s arms raised and stuck in a Y as he was now drilling his fingers against the spot little crevice at the bottom of each armpit, and right where the armpit met the upper ribs. And Loki was going crazy.

And rather than showing him any sort of mercy everyone else resumed their tickle attacks.

“Dammit Thor, you mean defeating your little brother could have been this easy?” Clint laughed. “We could’ve spared us all of his New York invasion! We could’ve just tickled Loki until him pissed himself!”

Gods no, if at this point they were now friends —or at least, had a cordial relationship— and they were about to tickle him to death he might have actually died if they pulled a stunt like this when they were, in fact, trying to kill him. Tears of laughter were already streaming down his face like a river and his stomach ached from the overexertion.

But Loki still refused to betray your trust. There was only one other option left for him: swallow his pride.

“HAHAHAHAHAHA! PLEASE! OH GODS PLEASE, I CAN’T HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! I CAN’T TAKE IT! I YIELD! PLEASE! PLEASE! HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Oh, the things he did for love. They wouldn’t let him forget it, but he felt his stomach was gonna explode if he wasn’t allowed to catch his breath.

“Oh, begging? Okay, I think he might be serious” Steve laughed.

“I AM! PLEASE! HAHAHAHAHA! THOR PLEASE!” Loki begged, and uttered the words he hated telling Thor the most. But the words that always made him stop: “YOU WIN, BROTHER! STOP!”

Now Thor knew Loki was serious, and he let go of his arms, thankfully everyone else followed, sparing the God of Mischief from the horrid of fate of die laughing. Loki immediately curled up in a ball, he coughing and panting, desperately trying to catch his breath.

Everyone was giggling around him, all completely unaware that you had been around the corner, and you had watched the whole thing.

Days later, you two had the house for yourselves and decided to put a movie Loki would like and sat on the couch to cuddle during the evening, enjoying each other’s warmth. He admitted that just staying home in baggy clothes and have your arms around each other for hours and hours. And the green sweatshirt you got him was extremely comfortable.

Although as usual, the movie was quickly ignored in favor of kissing each other. You were the sweetest kisser he had the blessing to encounter, you kissed him and caressed him with a love he had never met, you always either cupped his face, played with his hair or caressed his body, but you always sent him into a sensorial state of bliss.

You were such a lovely thing.

“Mmm, you choose such good movies” Loki joked and chuckled with his lips against yours. “So engaging…”

“Oh, haha— funny…” you giggled and rolled your eyes.

He looked at you with a self-satisfied grin as you looked annoyed.

“Oh, c’mon darling, I love you…” he smiled.

“You swear, baby?” you said in a tone that made Loki tilt his head, knowing you were trying to say something.

“What do you mean, love?” he asked.

You smiled and placed your hand on his sides, making him jolt.

“A-Ah… Darling… W-What are you doing?” he asked with a nervous smile.

“I may have learned something about my lovely prince the other day…” you said flirtatiously. “Something fun~”

“Oh, i-is that so?” he smiled nervously, already having a good idea of what was this discovery of yours. “I-I don’t like the sound of that…”

“Oh, c’mon, honey… please!” you wrapped your arms around him in a happy hug. “Please let me tickle you… Everyone got to tickle you. I want my turn!”

Oh, so he was right. He felt a sense of dread and mild panic. He still hadn’t mentally recover from the group attack from the other day…

“Your turn?!” Loki gasped out, and panicked at the sight of your determination to tickle him. “N-No… Darling… Please no, honey… Please, I’m awfully ticklish… I—”

You smile widened from ear to ear from excitement. Loki realized that he was burying his own grave, as the more he argued, the more you wanted to tickle him. He sighed.

“Is there something I could do to convince you to not tickle me?” he said with a pleading expression.

“Not at all” you smiled in that way that brought gods —specifically, this god— to his knees.

He accepted defeat like a gentleman.

“Alright…” he smiled and rested his hands behind his neck, letting himself vulnerable for you. “But when I say stop, you stop. Deal? I mean it when I say I’m very ticklish, and you could get hurt, I can’t control my magic when I get overwhelmed.”

“Ooh, a safe-word already? So naughty” you giggled, making his cheeks flush and groan.

“Just get it over with…” he sighed, finding a weird tingle on his belly. A bit of excitement, perhaps.

You nodded and sneaked your fingers with ease under his hoodie, and it was baggy enough to provide no hinderance to your fingers. Wearing a tank top wasn’t the greatest idea in retrospect. He let out a few giggles already.

“Oh norns…” he chuckled and sucked in a gust of air to keep his composure when you gently brushed along his sides.

Despite he being completely free to move, and you were only one person… he was struggling not to burst out laughing more than when he was teamed up against. Perhaps it was the clothing, or the fact that you made him way more nervous than anyone else in the world. But he was already letting out a few giggles.

“Ehehehehe… D-Darling… Please!”

You were utterly delighted. Loki was the cutest thing in your eyes, and being able to make him giggle like that was a treasure.

“Ohohoho gods! Love please, gohoho eheheheasy on mehehehe!” he laughed. “I cahahan’t stand it!”

You smiled in adoration and ran your fingers along his lower belly, gently gracing along his waistline and he placed a hand over his mouth and looked away to get away from you, too flustered to look you in the eye. He was the strong and mighty God of Mischief… How could you render him so helpless?

“Hahahaha! Pffft! Ack—!”

Oh, but you cruel thing, you quickly took advantage of his raised arm to tickle his armpit making both arms shot down to his sides in a louder giggle fit. He still was afraid to try fighting back, but his body started responding on it’s own and his hands shot to your wrists. But he quickly got nervous. He had severely underestimated how badly he weakened when he was tickled and your superhuman strength. Curse you, mutants.

“Nohohoho! Oh, nohohohoho! Stohohohop that! Lohohohohove!” he laughed as tears formed on the corners of his eyes.

All he could do was throw his head back and laugh against the couch as you laid on stop of him tickling him out of his mind.

Surprisingly he didn’t mind it too much. He found himself liking the attention.

“Hehehehe! Dahaharling! P-Plehehehehease! Please! No mohohohohore! Love, mehehercy!” he laughed weakly.

You giggled and stopped tickling him.

“Are you okay, pretty boy?” you giggled and leaned to kiss the tip of his nose, which made him smile.

“Hehehe… heh… Oh, love, you’re vicious… hahaha…” he chuckled. “That was the worst torture I’ve endured in all of my life… haha…”

“C’mon, you loved it” you smiled and kissed him.

It felt lovely the way Loki smiled into the kiss, even delighting you with a nice buzzing with the way he laughed into your lips. He simply irradiated happiness, and it was contagious.

“Whahat’s so funny?” you asked with a giggle.

“Nothing, nothing…” he smiled brightly and let out a loud contented sigh. “This is just perfection… I love you.”

“Aww…!” you cooed and hugged him tight. “I love you too, you ticklish cutie pie!”

Loki’s face turned red and groaned, and cringing at the overly sweet pet name. And you knew it and openly did it to get him flustered, even adding a tooth rotting coo to your tone that got him super embarrassed.

“I-I’m not a…!” he smiled, a bit flustered.

“Yes, you are!” you giggled and started tickling him again.

“AHH! Hahahahaha! Let me go! Hahaha!” he laughed as he tried to push your hands away without risking to hurt you if he grabbed your hands. He even kicked against the armrest where his feet had been resting. He was “I cahahahan’t- I surrender! Hahahaha!”

“Hehehehe!” you giggle. “You’re a sweetheart…”

“Yeah, I… yeah, I alright, you win…” he chuckled and nuzzled your nose in the sweetest Eskimo kiss. “You’re gorgeous.”

You smiled and wrapped your arms around him, hugging him in a nice hug with your chest pressed against his as he held you and let out a big yawn.

“Sleepy?” you smiled softly and kissed his cheek and he looked at you with droopy eyes.

“It’s your fault… you tickle me too much,” he yawned again. “…it’s only natural I get sleepy after you tickle me halfway to insanity.”

“You love it..” you smiled and snuggled and fell asleep within seconds.

Loki smiled as his hand stopped glowing from the sleeping spell and saw your relaxed form as you rested against his chest. He yawned, and relaxed more now that you’d stay and nap with him.

“I do love it…” he smiled and kissed the top of your head he smiled and saw the little grin on your face as you slept with me. He sighed and soon drifted off to sleep in a nice and peaceful slumber as he left his hands on the small of your back.

He slept for so many hours, so peaceful and content. He was in such a deep sleep that he didn’t notice when a few set of footsteps walking to the couch where you two slept.

“See? I told you they were dating” Steve whispered.

“I never said I disagreed!” Thor yell-whispered. “I know my brother enough to know when he’s infatuated.”

“Can you two shut up?!” Clint shushed them both, and as he pulled out his phone to take pictures. “This is gonna be excellent blackmail!”

“You gotta send them to me!” Tony demanded.

“C’mon guys…” Natasha reasoned with an endeared smile. “It’s kinda cute, they look so happy together. Look at those smiles…”

All the guys looked at Natasha in disbelief, even Banner looked shocked.

“Do you want the photos or not?” Clint asked.

“Oh no, of course I do…” she smiled. “Send it to me.”

Now the backlash of hiding your relationship would be a truly aggravating situation.

| MASTERPOST |

#marvel tickles #marvel fluff #loki laufeyson #ticklish!loki #lee!loki #ler!reader #loki x reader #loki tickle #loki fluff #ducky writes tickles

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animatedglittergraphics-n-more · 5 months

Text

RIP, AIM: Remembering how we used to talk on the internet

A eulogy for AOL Instant Messenger, and how it changed the way we talk about games and everything else By Luke Winkie published December 15, 2017

Do you remember all the souls you've lost to the internet? Those incidental friendships, forged in IRC clients, Newgrounds forums, 40-man Ragnaros wipes, scattered across the globe when the web was young? They came into your life and played Fall Out Boy over Ventrilo. They came into your life and disappeared forever. Do you remember when snapping a selfie required a frustrating tangle of mechanical coercion, but it was worth it to show them your face? When real-life names were rarefied information shared exclusively through digital blood pacts? AIM shut down today, and the only thing I can think about is how all of those people still exist somewhere, perhaps exploring the same pit in their stomach that I am.

AIM belongs to all of us. As a pioneering force of internet communication, anyone born in the early '90s or late '80s has spent some time on the platform. As a 26-year old, I'm crucially aware that my appreciation for the prodigal instant messenger is colored by a nostalgia that has nothing to do with the service itself. It was simply the medium of choice to grouse about homework, The Decemberists, girls I liked, and the rest of my random bullshit.

But I do believe that there's a special union between AIM and people who grew up playing games, or at least came of age on the internet with people who played games. The early millennium revolutions in online multiplayer pitted us together and asked us to collaborate, so of course we carried those early internet accords to their logical extremes—talking all night in lonely chat boxes about what's cool, what sucks, and how easy it is to relate. In 2017, the web feels less like something I approach for those connections, and more like an overwhelming ennui that I'm constantly trying to outrun. Boston's Kyle Seeley nailed that feeling perfectly with 2015's Emily is Away, and this year's sequel Emily is Away Too—both of which transport you back to the spongy leather office chairs of your parents' computer room.

"AIM was primarily for one-on-one conversations between teenagers. That's how I used AIM, to have a very intimate conversation with another person. Now we have texting and Facebook messenger, but you can use those wherever you are," he says. "You can use those at a concert or while driving. But when you were using AIM, you were sitting down at a computer to talk to people. You had their undivided attention."

Emily is Away tributes AIM in the only way anyone can—spinning a yarn of disentranced high-school drama that eventually mounts into something deeply sad. The way Seeley presents an old Windows XP desktop, with the hilariously temperamental tastes of your idiot friends revealing themselves in their bios and away messages (until one day they stop logging on entirely) is immediately resonant. We've all had our Emilys. "When you have a conversation on the phone, you spend 10 minutes making small talk," says Seeley. "On AIM you talk to someone for hours. Like eight hours, 10 hours straight. You get all the small talk out of the way in the first hour, and then you're talking about these big teenager questions. Who am I? Who do I want to be? I think AIM was really good at that."

It was always difficult for me to articulate the intimacy I felt with my internet friends to my parents. There were the obvious, mechanical mistranslations; I begged my mother for early exits from countless family dinners that consistently managed to interfere with my guild's crucial Molten Core attempts. But beyond that, there was a certain shame in feeling loved and valued by people I only knew by username. A latent fear that those who did not understand might consider that affection to be false, or even sinister. That's different now, as social media has flattened out our offline/online dichotomy, but if you were on AIM, you probably remember how once upon a time those bonds felt illegal.

Years ago Nina Freeman, level designer at Fullbright and one of the foremost thinkers on love and technology, launched a flat-out covert campaign to get close with one of those friends. She spent months locked in the holy matrimony of Final Fantasy XI and nightly AIM treatises with a boy named Glenn from New York City. Eventually they met, but not before Freeman satisfied her aunt, (who she was staying with) with a fabricated narrative—Glenn was no longer a dude from the internet, now he was just an old family friend who happened to move east. "I was still in high school," says Freeman. "We made up that whole story."

That secrecy is immediately familiar to me. AIM was surreptitious, clandestine. A service that belonged to teenagers, sequestered from leering ears and concerned authority figures. As Freeman notes, a screen name was one of the few commodities a young person could fully own. A domain, an aesthetic, a communication channel you could control. It was rare to feel fully untethered from your parents, so you guarded that sliver of liberty with your life.

"I wouldn't hand out [my username] lightly," explains Freeman. "I'd only really do it with people I felt close enough with. It seems sort intimate. It was a 'thing' to add someone on AIM. The expectation would be that if we're adding each other, we're going to chat regularly.… It had a weight to it."

Cecilia D'Anastasio, senior reporter at Kotaku (and a friend of mine) went a step further. As an 11-year-old, she was already griefing in the multiplayer Flash games she shared with her friends over AIM. I don't think anything sums up the juvenile euphoria of instant messaging quite like using that power to cheat in stakes-free freeware.

"One of the Flash games I discovered was basically Pictionary, but online and with a chat room. One player would etch out an image in a Microsoft Paint-like interface while the chat would dutifully guess at what it could possibly be. It was very wholesome," says D'Anastasio. "That's why my friend June and I were passionate about cheating. We'd join a game on the same team. Over AIM, we'd tell each other what we were assigned to draw, instructing whoever was guessing to wait a solid ten seconds before revealing the answer. It was a riot. We always won."

Over the past decade or so AIM has slowly been replaced with services that de-emphasize traditional internet patois. Gchat and Twitter are all full of real names and faces instead of coded handles and custom-colored text, and logging in to most platforms scarcely takes more than a click on a Facebook icon. For the most part, this is a good thing. Anonymity is one of the scourges of online culture—a de facto institution that continues to cause a lot of people pain. Personally though, I can't help but feel like we've lost something along the way. There was a certain sublimity in typing from behind the guise of a username. It gave way to a feeling that your AIM conversations existed in some sort of permissive, alternative reality, the ideal spot to work up the nerve for swollen 3 am confessions. In 2017 there is no such thing as "IRL" anymore; your internet presence is permanently married to your day-to-day existence. Everyone on earth spends their waking hours waging wars and making peace with strangers they will never meet. It is overwhelming and insoluble, and there are moments where I wish I could get outside again.

I'm not the only person that feels this way, and there are some people working to restore the parts of the mid-aughts internet that worked. When I interviewed Jason Citron, CEO of Discord, earlier this year, he affirmed a deep appreciation for AIM, and believed that perhaps the online infrastructure might soon swing back in that direction. "When you zoom out and think about the internet and how communication is trending, there's definitely a trend to more live experiences," he said. "The internet has done so much to connect people asynchronously, so I think there's something more macro happening that Discord is taking part in. It's like we're bringing it back to how it used to be."

He's right. One of the things that's made Discord successful is how separated it feels from the rest of the internet. When you join an ultra-specific channel—for niche Hearthstone formats or fan-favorite Persona characters—it's like you're uncovering a league of obsessives that are ready to welcome you with open arms. The true solidarity of dorkiness. It's funny, but by holding back on cosmopolitan design choices (like Facebook integration or a required photo-reel), Cintron stumbled into a scheme that evokes the furtive splendor that made AIM special. This is something Nina Freeman found when she started up a Discord channel to support her growing Twitch following. "It quickly became a community, and now I have a bunch of newer online friends. I'm already cracking up at myself as I'm wondering what they look like, or what they do in real life," says Freeman. "It definitely has a similar appeal."

If Discord doesn't quite meet your personal instant messaging standards, Citron tells me that, if enough people in the community request it, he'd consider implementing the low-res AIM chimes into the service. You know, door creak, door slam, those disruptive MIDI twinkles. "To this day, that sound still triggers my desire to hop online," he says.

Kyle Seeley is doing something similar. Yesterday he released a piece of DLC for Emily is Away Too that reskins Steam Chat to look exactly like AIM circa 2006. He spared no expense; you can change your text color, drop in vintage, blocky emoticons, and create your own custom profile so you can tell the world that Warped Tour will never die. "It's a farewell to AIM," he says. As one gaming's foremost nostalgia artists, it'd be wrong if he didn't say goodbye.

Now the AIM generation is old enough to both intellectualize their wistfulness, and use the lessons they learned from the service to create for the today's teenagers. To facilitate affection and respect on the internet, to show them what it looks like. We were the first to taste love on the web, at a time when those feelings had no context or guidance, and I hope that AIM helped create a baseline for young people and the midnight communion with those across the screen. The liberation that comes with knowing that the internet friendships you cherish are just as valid and wonderful as you think they are—these stories matter, because they help light that path. Lord knows I needed it, and I'm sure you did too.

Luke Winkie

Contributing Writer

Luke Winkie is a freelance journalist and contributor to many publications, including PC Gamer, The New York Times, Gawker, Slate, and Mel Magazine. In between bouts of writing about Hearthstone, World of Warcraft and Twitch culture here on PC Gamer, Luke also publishes the newsletter On Posting. As a self-described "chronic poster," Luke has "spent hours deep-scrolling through surreptitious Likes tabs to uncover the root of intra-publication beef and broken down quote-tweet animosity like it’s Super Bowl tape." When he graduated from journalism school, he had no idea how bad it was going to get.

#rip aim #aim #aol instant messeging #old web #techcore #aim eulogy #webcore

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unoriginal-and-dumb · 2 months

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i need to know everything about your infected like. now

Okay Dokay! (I’m gonna say everything that comes to mind I might miss stuff or repeat previously said things but I love never re-reading what I wrote)

God I got a lot to say sorry, I put this at the bottom too but if anyone ever has specific questions I will be (very) happy to answer them!!!

Infected is, at face value, pretty good at kinda acting like Kasper. Which is why nobody else really seems too bothered by his switch up besides Lampert. Lampert knew him best and for REAL so, well yea you know. He would know when his best friend is acting wrongggg

I think that the virus was inside the roomba that infected has in their apartment. The irony is too perfect, because I don’t imagine Kasper being gods cleanest fella so the idea of the thing that basically wiped out his consciousness coming from something he got to try and start being cleaner. I think he would’ve gotten the roomba because Lampert was basically begging him to do something to try and fix his fuck ass apartment

The virus itself feeds off of consciousness, it overwhelms and takes over the pervious one then kinda produces a shitty copy of it so it can continue feed off any form of consciousness that could’ve been

Infected MAY have the iq of wall paper. Stupid and dumb.

Infected kinda just has like 0 form of self preservation because the virus itself doesn’t really… understand it I guess? It’s more of like a “FEELING PAIN IS A WASTE OF TIME!” Although it wouldn’t just be pain-centric. He just kinda does fuck-all because it’s fun or everyone else does it or whatever

The error pattern on his arm (and other parts of his body tbh) can spread to other things via touch, but it doesn’t really just stay there

The virus is kinda weird because it’s like. Very much digital but it also is clearly affecting him physically? So it kinda just. Is both things at once I dunno magic elevator magic virus yellow person with dot eyes and no nose what can I say.

Infected is a flat and static character, he is unchanging as is, he is only the face value personality of Kasper, it’s like trying to hold a conversation with a half baked answer machine. After a while he kinda just starts repeating things.

Infected is friends with Split and Poob, as mentioned on the wiki. It’s not even remotely comparable to what Kasper and Lampert had though (😢). They are more of like yea let’s invite Infected over to a party since he kinda seems to just stand in the corner and be a freak. They enjoy Infected’s presence, but again it’s like speaking to an answer machine after awhile

Kasper would frequently change up his look, keeping a few things like his hat always but he was like constantly trying out different colors and whatever clothing stuff, but when he became Infected he kind of jsut got stuck on the tough guys wear pink shirt era (going full npc, wearing literally nothing else because ah yes this is Kasper and I am “Kasper”)

Almost nothing truly gets to infected, yea he’s upset about pop tart but it’s all very shallow and more played off as a joke. Bros life is all sunshine and rainbows wait till he hears about taxes 😭

^ however, it’s not impossible for things to really break through for them. Albeit really just not that likely, they could be made SUPER MEGA UPSET! It’s times like that when he actually seems to have even just undertones of Kasper existing (which is why, despite Lampert HATING infected, I think there would be a time he shoves those feelings aside and tries to comfort infected because that’s still his best friends face)

Infected cannot stand be called Kasper. He ignores it for a bit but after a while he lashes out pretty badly. To be fair though, having 0 memories of someone but everyone else claiming you are them is kinda weird

Infected (specifically) would sound like cooper2723, shitty mic and all

Infected skates like skate 3. He does that speed glitch every time and nobody gets it. He also sometimes rolls full force into a curb and just flies off the skate board (he forgort)

Eczema rep as mentioned before, the stupid error texture is super extremely itchy, but that’s also why it’s spread so much because he fucking scratches the hell outta it. It also just hurts in general (LIKE IF U HAD SAND PAPER. ON UR SKIN. ALWAYS.) but again 0 sense of self preservation bruh don’t give a fuck

He wears the arm warmer to try and hide the error texture. He consciously does not really have a reason but it is in order for the virus to try and be more discreet. Not many people have really taken a notice or care at least so it’s kinda working..? (Not rlly it’s pretty obvious)

Infected HATES unpleasant a blood curdling amount. It doesn’t matter if unpleasant does literally nothing they will blame EVERYTHING on unpleasant. Uh oh bad weather? It’s that fucking gradient’s fault

Infected sometimes just starts tweaking. Like straight Blair witching or honestly even like the boss in s2 of smiling friends. He goes right back to normal but he just does that sometimes (it’s because there’s another backseat driver getting pissed off and existing again before going bed bye go the next however long)

Kasper had pretty bad anger issues but he was able to not start genuinely losing it. Infected however. Infected is gods happiest/angriest soldier

He could be a real smiler, a real big yaaaayyyyyy typa fella one second but one thing sets him off and he is a nightmare to be around. We talking cod lobby throwing shit hair pulling slur yelling type stuff

Infected lives on energy drinks.

They also don’t really sleep, it’s seen as a waste of time when he could be saying terrible things online or skateboarding off a building. Only real time he does anything that a normal human NEEDS to do is when he’s like sims 4 forced to (I.e straight up passing tf out on the floor)

I made this up because I wanted BOTH but his stupid ass SNOT, when it’s green that’s just icky snot when it’s pink that’s not snot or blood but a malicious 3rd option (the error infection thing, although it is kind of just like blood for him at least)

Infected doesn’t really realize that people change appearance over time and that’s like normal so he may do absolutely fuckall half the time but he does maintain appearance (hair cut/dye clothes) and stuff very well because they think they have to look exactly like how Kasper did at the point of infection

Errr he’s aroace :) and trans :) yah :) because kasper is :) 🧡💛🤍🩵💙🧡💛🤍🩵💙🧡💛🤍🩵💙🧡💛🤍🩵💙 yaaaayyyyyyyyyyy

Infected’s eyes actually are white, that’s not just stylistic choice. Or at least they kinda catch the light the way a cat’s does. He is very very eerie in the dark because of this. The error pattern is unaffected by lighting (because. It’s an error texture.) so that combined with white ass eyes and some guy who stands and moves like something else puppeteering a human is… eerie.

He’s Wasian! Korean-American specifically. He does have a Korean name but really just doesn’t go by it ever

This isn’t Infected-centric but relating to Kasper, he grew up mainly with his mom cuz his dad peaced tf out (lol). He did like his dad though, which is why he wore the hat all the time, at this point though he doesn’t really care about his dad and just wears it because it’s his fucking hat and he does not take that shit off

Infected constantly acts out of it, extreme fever style. Weird forgetful says nonsense half the time and just laughs at everything when he’s not busy smiling creepily

Infected is indifferent on everyone, he doesn’t particularly hold grudges (he just forgets about any arguments in general or ignores them) he only really hates unpleasant

He isn’t really enemy to anyone due to the infection trying to get a good way to spread (if ur around a bunch of people all the time, I mean likeeee)

There’s other things but this is very long and I dunno, if anyone has specific questions I’d be happy to answer!!!

#regretevator

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ellipsiseffervescent · 8 months

Text

I am once again going to talk too much about Rebellion

and how people don’t understand Homura. Here I would like to address the reasons why people call Homura evil/the antagonist, which is usually their reason for disliking Rebellion. My blog has basically morphed into an obsessive discussion on why that movie is my favorite and elevates the story, so I’ve covered a lot of these topics before, but I hope to make things more comprehensive here.

I’ve seen some people call Homura “corrupted” by the part of her that is a witch. Two thoughts on that:

Rebellion goes out of its way to show you that witches are not inherently evil. They have experienced serious pain and are spreading that pain before Madoka’s sacrifice. However, if this meant that witches were inherently evil, then why are Sayaka and Nagisa not? They are still witches- that’s why their witch forms are still a part of them.

Also, in Rebellion, Sayaka warns Madoka’s essence to not fear Homura, as “she’s the one who’s most hurt”.

I think that people misunderstand the theme of what a witch is overall. A witch is an inevitable reality of magical girls because being a girl in a patriarchal/Kyubey system is CRUSHING. The transformation into a witch is a coming-of-age step into womanhood. It comes from the culmination of mistreatments and systemic oppression girls inevitably become overwhelmed by. This isn’t to say that all women are forever overwhelmed, but it is an unpleasant reality that most women become awoken to. Think of the resolution of the Barbie movie, for instance, where (BARBIE SPOILERS) the characters need to “wake up” the others to the suffocating reality of living in a patriarchy. Same principle, honestly.

I also think that people sometimes interpret the Christian imagery in a stereotypical “good vs evil” way than looking at the situation, especially when it comes to Homura’s demon label and Madoka’s sacrifice.

I’ve talked about this a lot so I won’t go into too much detail, but I believe that the series is going out of its way to create its themes around the dark reality of the self-sacrificing nature of girls. For a brief recap:

Making wishes for someone else is considered taboo

Madoka mattered as a girl. Throughout all iterations of pmmm and its sequels, Madoka laments on the tragedy of magical girls vanishing from the world without anyone knowing and says in Rebellion that she would never want to go anywhere where she couldn’t be around her friends and family. Her mom had plans for them when Madoka grew up, her brother remembers her, and it drives Homura insane that she’s the only person who remembers the other timeline. Madoka was always worried that she wasn’t good enough at anything to have a place in the world and I truly have a hard time believing that this series is saying that young girls who don’t feel they have value anywhere else are best served to sacrifice themselves into oblivion. That’s basically been the history of women, forever.

Homura calls herself a demon because, “[Madoka] was sacred as a god and I couldn’t help but pull her from heaven and undermine her.” Throughout the Wraith Cycle, Homura commits herself to honoring Madoka’s sacrifice and new world order, so the phrase “and I couldn’t help but pull her from heaven undermine her” is, I think, more of a reflection of her self-loathing for going against Madoka’s wish and less of a true admission of evil, because I don’t think that Madoka’s erasure from the world was ever an okay thing. I think people get too hung up on “demon-bad” without thinking of the nuances of the imagery. I don’t believe that Madoka’s godhood is inherently good, and I don’t believe Homura’s demonhood is inherently bad. I think that Madoka’s godhood is more an alignment with self-sacrifice, and Homura’s demonhood is an alignment with desire, and I think that too much of either is a bad thing. It’s why they both needed to come together to eviscerate the Kyubeys.

I think that the label of “demon” makes Homura irredeemable to people and I think that people are deeply unforgiving of the not so pretty things that make us human. I’ve seen that a lot of what I assume are younger users are completely unforgiving to girl characters who go through things and make mistakes. I’m not even talking about Azula defenders (though I think there is a nuanced conversation there) but the Catra-type haters. As others have pointed out, ya’ll about women’s wrongs until a girl suffers a time loop to try to save the love of her life (who, lest we forget, begs Homura to shoot her in one timeline) and her friends and almost loses her mind by being the only person to remember the love of her life in the timeline that ya’ll think was the good one. I even hesitate to call it “toxic yuri” until the last movie comes out. Now, this isn’t to say that Homura has made no mistakes. I think the fact that her rewriting of the world to include the Kyubeys is going to be a BIG mistake on her part, and she did pull the identity of Madoka away from the Law of the Cycle against her wishes. But I think that to take everything Homura has done to try to save Madoka and even give Madoka the power to become the Law of the Cycle and say that she is irredeemable or toxic because she is traumatized…. It’s heartbreaking to me.

Moreover, this perception of Homura as irredeemable flies in the face of all this Christian imagery. Throughout the entirety of Rebellion’s ending (and as you’ll see further down) Madoka assures Homura that she loves her no matter what, that she is always there for her. Madoka in her fullness can see in intimate detail what Homura endured for her- literal YEARS of suffering yet never giving up- do you really think Goddess Madoka can’t and shouldn’t forgive Homura? Are the “good” guys in Christianity not all about forgiveness?

And finally, the real reason I made this long ass post: Homura and Rue from Princess Tutu are parallels. For those who don’t know: in Princess Tutu, the character Rue transforms into an “evil” persona- Princess Kraehe, daughter of the Crow. While Rue is convinced that she is now an agent of evil, the main character Ahiru/Duck insists that she is not. Also important to note is Rue may not rewrite the universe, but objectively commits more women’s wrongs than Homura. She rips the shards of emotion from her lover’s breast and tries to sacrifice innocent people’s hearts to her father, but the story does not paint her as condemned or irredeemable. She’s been lied to, groomed, and traumatized. She’s not an evil person, she’s a girl trying to navigate horrible circumstances, like Homura. Rebellion creates these parallels because Homura is forgivable and it wants you to know that.

So anyway, first parallel is the outfit. Demon Homura is SOOOOO inspired by Kraehe it HURTS:

And finally, Rebellion went so hard to reference this scene:

PLEASE put on sound they translate it differently but here she says "homura chan is homura chan"

so yeah if you stuck around thanks! love u muah

#madoka magica #homura akemi #puella magi madoka magica #pmmm homura #pmmm #princess tutu #princess kraehe #Princess Tutu spoilers #support womens wrongs #but actually support them #madoka kaname #madoka magica rebellion #walpurgisnacht rising #walpurgis no kaiten

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heyiwrotesomethings · 1 year

Note

HELLO HOPE UR HAVING A NICE DAY! i would like to request a shinobu x fem!reader(she/her) :) ok so, this is when shinobu is in her past personality and kanae is still alive, reader has a crush on the grumpy shinobu and tries to court her but, shinobu denies all of the reader’s confessions because shes scared to be in a relationship considering the world theyre in. (obv reader doesnt give up but i wouldnt either) fast travel to kanaes death and reader tries to cheer shinobu up but suddenly shinobu just snaps at the reader (due to stress and overwhelmness) and tells reader to leave her alone for good and reader does just that. reader stops with trying to court shinobu and shinobu will lowkey miss the readers shenanigans and shinobu deeply regrets yelling at reader, so shinobu goes to reader and apologizes and they live happily ever after! I HOPE THAT WASNT TOO COMPLICATED! I TRIED TO MAKE IT SIMPLE BUT MY BRAIN IS IMAGINING SO MUCH AND I HAD RO GET THIS ONE OUT 😍 I LOVE ALL OF YOUR FICS AND YOUVE BEEN MY FAV SHINOBU WRITER IN TUMBLR! HAVE A NICE DAY/NIGHT -⭐️

A Trade of Equal Value

Shinobu Kochou x She/Her Reader

A/N: I had a pretty good time writing this one (even if I was still working on it at 2am last night lol)! The timeline is also kinda scuffed because I didn’t want to write in the four years between Kanae’s death and where Shinobu is mentally by the time Tanjirou and Co come around, but I still imagine her at the same age she is when the boys are introduced. I also got pretty angsty with Kanae’s death and Shinobu lashing out, but as usual, it turns out alright in the end.I feel like I should also note that Shinobu has a panic attack which I have bracketed with ‘~~~’. Shinobu even gets a little Gomez Addams-y at the end which I think is pretty nice if I do say so myself. Thanks for the request, I hope you like the result! Word Count: 4,906

“Shinobu, wait up!”

Shinobu exhaled audibly and Kanae giggled beside her, hooking her arm with Shinobu’s so that she couldn’t escape the other demon slayer quickly catching up to them.

“Be nice,” Kanae advised her.

“I’m plenty nice.” Shinobu whispered defensively. She enjoyed (Y/n)’s company more than most of the other people she had to deal with on a daily basis, but she was just getting back from a mission that lasted all night and she was too tired to cater to whatever scheme (Y/n) was cooking up this time.

“Shinobu!” (Y/n) caught up to the sisters and hugged Shinobu from behind, “And hello to you too, Kanae-san!”

“Hello, (Y/n)-chan, how was your night?” Kanae asked, nearly smirking as her rosy-cheeked sister attempted to free herself from (Y/n)’s embrace. (Y/n) showed Shinobu mercy by letting her go and walking at her side instead.

“Pretty quiet. Everything went alright on your end?”

“Just fine.” Kanae confirmed.

“Good! So, um, Shinobu,”

Oh gods, here she goes again… Shinobu braced herself.

“There is a street festival going on in downtown Tokyo tomorrow. Want to go check it out with me? As a date? Or not… whatever you are more comfortable with.”

“What a fun idea!” Kanae spoke on Shinobu’s behalf, “She’ll be happy to go with you!”

“Neesan!” Shinobu objected.

“Am I wrong?” Kanae pouted, “would you not like to spend time with (Y/n)? Should I maybe go with her instead? I wouldn’t mind getting out for the day.”

Shinobu turned her head so (Y/n) couldn’t see her face and scowled at Kanae. Never let it be said that Kanae couldn’t be as conniving as she was kind.

Shinobu had met (Y/n) during Final Selection. They had spent most of that hellish week together, quickly forming a rapport that continued even after they made it out of the wisteria forest. They went on missions together often and spent a lot of off time together too.

They grew very close, close enough that Shinobu’s mood would sour when (Y/n) wasn’t around. Close enough that Kanae felt the need to tease her about how close they walked together in the halls. Close enough that (Y/n) had confessed to Shinobu a few weeks ago and was now trying yet another courting attempt.

Shinobu enjoyed spending time with (Y/n), but if they became any closer than they already were and (Y/n) went out for a mission and never came back, Shinobu was afraid of where that would leave her. It was hard enough to lose people she had met in passing, friends, family… she didn’t want to know what it was like to lose a romantic partner too. She had already witnessed such a thing a few months back.

There was a fiancée of one slayer Shinobu had known in passing since she was a Kakushi. She had been sent to clean up a location before another demon was discovered in the area. Woefully ill-equipped to deal with the situation, she had lost her life.

When the slayer who was her betrothed had received the news, he deteriorated over the next three weeks before finally passing away in his bed at the Butterfly Estate. Shinobu had fumed over the loss.

“There was nothing wrong with him!” She had exclaimed heatedly, angry at the situation. She had been unable to find anything physically wrong with the young man in all the tests she had done.

Kanae smiled sympathetically and put her hands on Shinobu’s shoulders as they watched the Kakushi remove the covered body from the infirmary.

“Sometimes there is just no curing a broken heart,” She had replied.

“I’ll go.” Shinobu gave Kanae a warning glare when her lips split into a larger smile, then she turned back to (Y/n), making the girl jump at the intensity of her stare, “But it is not a date.”

(Y/n) closed her eyes briefly and exhaled softly through her nose before giving Shinobu a small shrug and a relaxed smile, “Understood.”

That’s how it always went. (Y/n) sweetly telling Shinobu she loved her with little gifts and proposed outings with intentions clear. It became as normal a part of their relationship as anything else they did together.

Time and time again, Shinobu would deny her, but always kept her close. She would never admit it, never give herself a moment to reflect on it, but every time (Y/n) expressed her interest in courting her, although Shinobu denied her at every turn, she always felt a sense of relief that (Y/n) was still interested in her.

There had been a few occasions where (Y/n) had gotten friendly with other people and put Shinobu on edge. These instances made her feel jealous and more irritable than what was common for the younger of the Kochou sisters, but (Y/n) always came back to her in the end, even if Shinobu had to do a little prodding behind the scenes.

Kanae had noticed one such occasion and gently scolded Shinobu for it.

“If you are not intending to pursue a courtship with (Y/n), you really mustn’t sabotage the potential for her to find someone who wants to do what you will not. That wouldn’t be fair. Don’t keep her heart if you are not going to share yours in return. Regardless of what you decide, you must treat (Y/n) well. Friend or lover. Do you understand, Shinobu?”

To be lectured by Kanae was truly humbling and even embarrassing to an extent. If Kanae actually scolded someone, one would assume they must have really deserved it. Which is why Shinobu grunted a quick, “yes”, with her eyes cast shamefully to the floor before all but stomping away.

So maybe she had gone a bit overboard interfering with (Y/n)’s sparring partner’s recovery training schedule, but in her defense, (Y/n) was her partner first. Even if she had been okay with back to back sessions, Shinobu didn’t want anything less than (Y/n)’s best when they sparred so that meant nameless-sparkly-eyed-touchy-slayer had to find something else to occupy their time.

Turning the corner after exiting Kanae’s room, she found (Y/n) waiting for her. Leaning against the wall with a couple of wooden swords in her hands, she offered one to Shinobu with a inquisitive look.

“Want to let off some steam?” She asked.

“Yeah,” Shinobu managed a small grin at the offer, taking the sword and ignoring the tingles that traveled through her body when their hands touched.

This was what she wanted, the same steadfast compatibility they had when they met in the forest. Nothing scary, just them in their most pure and uncomplicated form. Was that so wrong? Kanae shouldn’t judge Shinobu for wanting this… the only opinions that mattered in this instance were her own and (Y/n)’s, and perhaps that was true to an extent, but Kanae’s wisdom about treating (Y/n)’s heart with care should not have been so easily pushed to the back of Shinobu’s mind… because it would be the last time such advice left Kanae’s lips.

The preparations for Kanae’s funeral had simultaneously happened agonizingly slow and all too fast. The most time Shinobu had to process her sister’s death was probably in those moments holding her beaten and bloodied body waiting for the Kakushi to collect her from the battlefield. She had held her long enough to notice how her skin had gone cold as the sunrise broke over the hills much too late to save the Hashira from her unforgiving fate. The emptiness she felt when the Kakushi finally arrived and gently took Kanae’s weight off of her almost felt worse than the initial death.

But there was no time to dwell on that. There was work to do. Cremation, service, paperwork, becoming the head of the mansion and taking on all of the duties that entailed. Meetings with Oyakata-sama himself and his condolences and hopes for her moving forward. She had already been close to becoming eligible for a Hashira position herself, but she hadn’t thought she would soon be replacing her sister instead of sitting beside her.

~~~

When she could finally be alone, Shinobu collapsed onto the tatami floor of her bedroom and wept, Kanae’s haori tightly wound within her grasp. What would she do? What would she do without her? Her sister, who loved and understood her more than any other, gone with one last, rattling breath that even now echoed within Shinobu’s ears. Her own breathing now was too shallow, her eyes stung and she couldn’t see. Her stomach felt cold and heart twisted so viscously in her chest that she felt physically ill.

Hands suddenly wrapped around her biceps and she tried to pull away, still struggling to breathe. The hands left for but a moment before they returned, fingers touching more cautiously than before. Slowly running up and down her arms to her hands and then back up to shoulders and the back of her neck, continuing the motion repeatedly.

Over time, the static in her ears dissipated and she was able to hear a soft voice, urging her to breath. She suddenly felt so exhausted that she couldn’t keep herself upright and fell forward, but instead of the floor, forehead fell against something more solid, but not hard. The arms wrapped around her and the voice continued to coax her to breathe, now gently swaying her from side to side.

~~~

Shinobu had no idea how much time had passed when she finally had the strength to pull away, seeing (Y/n) looking over her with worry. It made her feel so small and powerless and… and angry.

“Why,” Shinobu rasped sharply, “are you here?”

(Y/n) flinched backward at Shinobu’s tone, swallowing a lump in the back of her throat before answering.

“With everything that happened, I was worried about you. I could hear you from the hall, you scared me.”

“So?” Shinobu spat, trying to get up, but her legs weren’t cooperating. (Y/n) reached forward to help her, “Don’t.” Shinobu quickly rebuffed.

(Y/n)’s hands returned to her lap, tightly clasped. “I’m sorry. I’ve never seen you like this before. Please, tell me how I can help.”

“I don’t want your help.” Shinobu growled. “Why, why can’t you just leave me alone? You just can’t take no for an answer, can you?” Shinobu wasn’t yelling, but the harshness of her tone was just as sharp in (Y/n)’s ears. “Help me,” She scoffed, though it sounded more like a whimper in her ears, making her more angry, “unless you can bring the dead back to life, stay the hell away from me.”

“Shinobu, please—“

Shinobu was so full of rage and anguish, her misdirected anger only became more pointed. The lack of control was eating at her, she felt like she was lost on treacherous seas, trying to stay afloat by dragging (Y/n) under the churning black water so that she could maybe get just one full breath without swallowing the salty brine. It would be so easy. The one thing that she could control.

“This isn’t something you can fix! This isn’t a fairy tale where you get the girl by saying a few sappy half-baked sentiments. How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t want you?”

The words struck (Y/n) deeply, but she tried to power through, “That’s not why I’m here, Shinobu. I swear I’m not expecting anything to change. You’re hurting, and as your friend I—“

“You aren’t my friend!” Shinobu shouted. “Time and time again you ask to court me. Time and time again I refuse you. Your narcissism knows no bounds... The kindness you are attempting to show me is a forgery! A means to the end you keep badgering me for! You are reprehensible, a thorn wedged in my side, I can’t stand you, can’t you see that?! Leave!”

Shinobu’s heavy breathing was deafening in the quiet left behind by her words. Glaring down at (Y/n), she felt no lighter. No weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. In fact, as the sound of silence grew, the air around them only seemed to become thicker.

After stewing in the silence, (Y/n) attempted to speak. Her voice cracked on the first word and with it, Shinobu’s heart. She slowly got to her feet as if she had been physically beaten, avoiding Shinobu’s eyes as she turned away to wipe at her own.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered through a hitched sob that made Shinobu’s blood chill, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you felt like that.”

Tell her you don’t. Take it all back, hurry. Try to make it better. Don’t let her slip away too. A hurried whisper within Shinobu’s mind pleaded, but she found herself mute, still and rigid as a statue. Her mind was fuzzy, yet somehow working in overdrive, but she appeared to not have the means to do anything about it.

“I never wanted you to feel uncomfortable. It was hard enough asking the first time, I wouldn’t have asked again if Kanae-san,” another choked sob, “if she hadn’t encourage me to keep trying, if she hadn’t sounded so sure that you felt the same, I wouldn’t have bothered you after that...

Even so, I should have noticed how you really felt. I didn’t pay close enough attention, yet I still claimed to love you. I really am the worst, huh?”

Shinobu could see the terrible false smile (Y/n) wore as she slowly slid the door open and shuffled into the hall. The voice in Shinobu’s head screamed at her to move, to speak, to stop (Y/n) from slipping out of the room completely, but she still stood stubbornly frozen.

“I’m sorry, I’ll leave you alone. I promise.”

The door closed, furthering the chasm between them and casting Shinobu’s room in darkness once more. She could hear (Y/n)’s footsteps fading, but instead of following, she slid back down to the floor in a strange state between wakefulness and unconsciousness. Not quite grasping the gravity of this event until much later when the other girls finally had her eating and sleeping properly again and she had some time to reflect.

(Y/n) had made good on her promise to leave Shinobu alone. When Shinobu had worked up the courage to find her and apologize for all the awful things she said nearly a month ago, the room that was all but officially (Y/n)’s was uniform with the other empty rooms spread across the mansion.

Kiyo had found her standing in the doorway and timidly approached.

“(Y/n)-san told us that she was going to ask the Stone Hashira if he was willing to take on another Tsuguko. Her crow sent us a letter a couple days later. She was accepted. The Kakushi helped relocate her belongings.”

“Oh.” Shinobu softly exclaimed, because what else could she say? It was either that or sink to the floor like a slug and Shinobu wasn’t quite ready to go that route yet.

“But now that you know, you could go talk to her. If you wanted to.” Kiyo cautiously added. She and the other girls may or may not have caught wind of what had happened, but were too nervous to try to interfere before now.

“Thank you, Kiyo. I think I will do just that.”

***

“Himejima-san, please.”

Shinobu couldn’t believe that Gyomei of all people was getting in her way of speaking to (Y/n). The man who had saved her and introduced her to a cultivator had been a father figure to her for years now and to have him standing in her way like he was now stung.

“It is not my decision to make,” Gyomei shook his head, still standing firm, “She does not wish to see you. Why that is, I do not know, but it is the decision she has made and one that I must honor.”

“I need to see her, it’s urgent.” She insisted.

“Is her health failing?”

“No.”

“Does she have a mission?”

“…No.”

“Then I see no reason to yield, young Kochou.” Gyomei shook his head woefully, “But I can tell this is important to you, if you have a message for her, I shall relay it for you if you are comfortable.”

Shinobu stared past Gyomei, looking longingly at the towering fence that enclosed his estate. She honed in on the sound of slayers training beyond the walls, hoping to hear (Y/n)’s voice among the shouts and grunts and clacking practice swords, but heard no such sound in the commotion.

“Can I write it out myself?” She asked Gyomei. He nodded.

“I will allow it… Again, I don’t know what this is about, but take time and care in writing what you want to say. You can send En by when you’ve completed your letter or hand it off to myself.”

“Very well. I shall do that.” With one last look at the tall fence, Shinobu turned to leave and Gyomei spoke up once more.

“Do not get disheartened if you do not get the results you hope for right away. Find a happy medium between patience and persistence and perhaps she will come around.”

“I’ll keep it in mind. Thank you.”

As soon as Shinobu got home, she locked herself in her office for hours and every attempted draft of apology could not even begin to touch on all she regretted. Her waste bin was overflowing by the time she had something that didn’t immediately make her want to rip the offending paper in two. Before she could change her mind, she sent En off with the letter and waited anxiously for a reply. Hoping beyond hope they could go back to where they were before. Shinobu needed that familiarity and stability. She craved it. Fortunately, she didn’t have to wait terribly long for a reply, but unfortunately it read,

I’m relieved to hear you are in a better place, but just as you have had time to reflect on that night, I have as well.

Your words that night hurt me in a way that I’ve never been hurt before, made worse by the fact that it was you who had said them to me.

Part of me wanted to be furious with you, I thought that I should be, but I wasn’t. I was empathetic to your loss and the new responsibilities that were thrust upon you. But even though I tried to convince myself that you lashed out because of the pressure, I believe there was some truth in what you had said.

If I could go back in time, I would have just kept my feelings to myself to spare us all the trouble. Despite this, I am happy that you hope to patch things up between us.

However, in my reflection, I came to the conclusion that even after all of this, I am still hopelessly in love with you despite everything. In the interest of preserving my heart, and saving you from the discomfort of my affections, I do not think it wise for us to reconnect. At least, not until I manage to get over you. I don’t know how long that will take, but given that not a waking hour passes that I don’t think about you, it probably won’t be any time soon.

I’m sorry if it makes you uncomfortable to read this, I’m just trying to be honest. Tell the girls I said hi, and please take care of yourself.

Wishing you the best,

(Y/n)

“Wishing you the best?” Shinobu hissed under her breath, the paper crinkling between the harsh pinching of her fingertips. “There is no best of me without you, idiot.”

Shinobu allowed herself time to cry, but not a lot. Gyomei’s words were still on her mind. If she wanted (Y/n) back, she wasn’t going to get her by crying, but now she needed to make a very important choice.

Continue to push for friendship, or confront the romantic feelings that she had fought like hell to keep hidden. Was accepting those feelings and the vulnerability the would bring worse than not having (Y/n) in her life at all?

“Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Shinobu softly pondered the old proverb. Kanae had been a fan of the saying and Shinobu had never really understood the sentiment until now.

Though she was going to fight like hell to be worthy of the love she had lost and reclaim it once more.

***

“Another letter? En, that’s three just today. You don’t have to bend to her every whim.” (Y/n) fussed over the bird, setting her up with fresh water and seed.

“It is important to Shinobu, so it is important to me.” The loyal crow proudly stated, though she was very grateful for (Y/n)’s continued hospitality.

“Just try not to over do it.” (Y/n) sighed and unfurled the letter, quickly catching the pressed flowers within and quietly cursing as bits of the brittle plants flaked off and fell to the floor. She carefully paced the dried flowers on her desk and scanned over the letter, finding it to be another poem. “What is she trying to achieve here? Why is she doing this?”

“To win back your trust, your heart,” En cocked her head left and then right, “Is it not obvious? Should I suggest being more direct?”

“Why does she want my heart so badly all of the sudden?” A bit of irritation slipping into her tone, “Is it something she wants to seal up in a jar? Bet she’d enjoying having it up on a shelf in the lab. Maybe a paper weight on her desk.”

“You humans vex me,” En’s feathers ruffled, “just give each other something shiny and make up.”

“If only it were that simple.” (Y/n) murmured, finishing her curt response to Shinobu’s poem, denying her a visit once again. She then placed the letter beside En. “You can take your time heading back, and if she tries to insist on a fourth delivery today, turn her down for the good of your health.”

En released a low caw that could only be interpreted as a scoff. Promptly scooping up the letter and taking her leave, passing Gyomei in the hallway.

“(Y/n), is all well? You are late for training.”

(Y/n) winced, “I’m so sorry Master. I got distracted.”

“Kochou-san again?”

“Yes…”

“And you still will not see her?” (Y/n)’s silence was answer enough. “Why?”

“I guess when it comes right down to it, I’m scared. Whether it’s me putting my own heart out there, or her actively trying to obtain it, I feel like it will inevitably end the same and I don’t think I could go through that again.”

Gyomei hummed thoughtfully, “I think I understand your concerns. Matters of the heart are certainly not easy. Especially when it has already been hurt before. I’m sure you will make your peace with her soon, but I pray that peace and satisfaction will find you sooner.”

“Thank you, Master.”

“Can I expect you to join the rest of your peers for training now?”

“Of course!”

“Wonderful. I expect you to have two boulders beaten down to gravel by nightfall.”

(Y/n)’s shoulders slumped and she suppressed a groan.

“Yes, sir.”

This would be a long day…

***

Shinobu halfheartedly paged through the new medicinal tome that had arrived the day prior. She had been eagerly anticipating its arrival for months, but now with En’s latest return proving she had failed to entice (Y/n) once again, she hardly had the motivation.

She was surprised when Gyomei’s crow, Zekka, came to perch at her window some hours later. She took the letter from his beak and he quickly flew off. He was not expecting a reply, she supposed. She unfurled the textured paper and scanned the punched message which simply read,

The best way to receive what it is you are looking for, is to give something of equal value in return.

Himejima Gyomei

“Really, Himejima-san, is this supposed to be a riddle?” Shinobu shook her head, but a determined spark lit up her eyes and she got to work.

***

(Y/n) slumped to the ground, uncaring that she was resting in a pile of rubble. She had destroyed the boulders just as the sun had sank behind the mountains, but at what cost? Himejima seemed nice, but his training was beyond brutal. If the secret of Stone Breathing was to make one’s arms as heavy and stiff as stone, (Y/n) was surely going to be a Master in no time. Her eyes drooped shut. It wouldn’t be the first time she took a dirt nap after training, but an insistent voice was preventing that.

“Hello, hello, please don’t fall asleep out here, (Y/n). I could probably name ten different reasons why it would be a horrible decision.”

Cold hands prodded at her face and sore arms, making her groan in protest and try to shimmy away.

“If you don’t massage and stretch now, you are going to be completely immobile tomorrow. Which may be helpful actually, at least then you won’t be able to run away from me.”

(Y/n) heard her arm crack and pop, which would have have alarming except it felt like a relief. She cracked opened her eyes, soon blown wide open when she realized who was busy cracking and rotating her aching wrist. If her heart had ever raced when she saw Shinobu (which it did) it was sprinting now. Damn traitorous organ never learned.

“What are you doing here? How are you here?” She whispered, not even because she was pretty sure she was dehydrated, but because it just felt appropriate to whisper.

“Jumped over the fence.” Shinobu answered casually, taking her time cracking (Y/n)’s knuckles and massaging her palm now, “Though I’m sure Himejima-san is well aware of my presence and wouldn’t have minded me using the front gate this time around. And for your first question, I’m here for you.”

“Shinobu, I told you that I—“

“—I have something I want to give you formally. What you decide to do from there is completely your choice. I know I have always asked a lot of you, but please allow me this once more.”

“…Okay.” Even after nearly four months of separation, (Y/n) found herself still unable to deny her. In her mind, this did not bode well for what little progress she thought she had made.

“Thank you.”

Shinobu stoked her thumbs over the palm of (Y/n)’s hand before bringing it to her chest, placing it over her heart and holding it there with both hands.

“Wh-what are you doing?” (Y/n) squeaked, trying to inch her palm higher, somehere above Shinobu’s clavicle and not quite so close to the swell of her chest, but Shinobu held firm.

“Do you feel that?” She asked.

“What am I supposed to be feeling?!”

“My heartbeat, of course. Can’t you feel it? It’s beating rather hard right now.”

It was hard to pay attention to anything other than her own racing heart if she was honest. Besides, a hand to someone’s chest wasn’t the best way to find a pulse. Shinobu of all people should know that.

“Maybe this will help.”

(Y/n) let Shinobu shift their positions around, mostly because she was still stiff and her body was refusing to cooperate with her own wishes. After a bit of maneuvering, she found her cheek resting on Shinobu’s chest instead, a speedy and strong drumbeat pressed against her ear.

“Is that better?” Shinobu asked.

“Why are you doing this?”

“To show you that you are not alone, that this is the power you have over me. My heart is yours, it always has been, but I’m giving it to you formally now.”

“Shinobu, I can’t—“

“I don’t expect you to give yours in return, I know I don’t deserve it yet, but I hope to one day. Will you allow me the honor of courting you. You owe me nothing, but I beg of you to allow me the chance to love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

“Why the change of heart?”

“Because losing out on the moments we could have while living together is more frightening to me than death itself. I don’t know how much time either of us has, but I want to spend it all with you.”

(Y/n)’s breath caught in her throat and her eyes began to water. A quiet sob shook her shoulders and she felt Shinobu’s arms tighten around her. She was so doomed. Try as she might, her heart was very clear. It belonged to Shinobu, no matter what she decided to do. That didn’t mean she couldn’t make her really work for it though.

“Alright, I accept,” (Y/n) sniffed, “you may court me.”

Shinobu gasped softly then took (Y/n)’s hand from her lap, kissing the back of it while locking eyes with her. The intensity of her stare sent a shiver down (Y/n)’s spine.

“I cannot thank you enough for this opportunity. The same one I had denied you of several times in the past. The goddess my heart is devoted to is a merciful one. How unworthy I am of your blessing.”

“I think you have been reading too much poetry.” (Y/n) spoke in a strained whisper, flustered by Shinobu’s intensity. She had never imagined she could be like this.

“Oh this is only the beginning,” Shinobu declared, a purple flame burning in her eyes more vibrantly than any chemical reaction could produce, “You best prepare yourself.”

#demon slayer oneshots #kny oneshots #demon slayer x reader #kny x reader #shinobu x reader #shinobu kocho x reader #shinobu kochou x reader #requests #anonymous

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yesimwriting · 21 days

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how do you think the canon events of saltburn would’ve maybe played out a bit differently if lovie was there? do you think there’s a chance that it SOMEHOW could’ve prevented felix’s death and everything else from happening?? I’m just curious abt any thoughts you might have on this honestly

i've gotten versions of this question in my inbox before, and i even have some drabbles/general thoughts about this in my drafts

but bc i am writing/planning out a longer fic that will focus on the actual plot of saltburn more, questions like this are hard to answer without spoiling that,, but i feel like the way you worded this question makes it easier to give general thoughts on lovie's role in the plot

and bc most of lovie's influence on the plot comes from character dynamics, this is a bit of a character analysis on felix, oliver, and lovie and how they interact

this came out way longer than expected

lovie would be both a catalyst and an inhibitor to felix's death in oliver's eyes

felix and lovie are so close, so attached at the hip, oliver starts to view them as a single entity, a unit. this isn't an immediate thing, but the longer oliver's around them and the more desperate and delusional he becomes, the more their identities merge.

now, bc lovie's "value" comes from her proximity to felix, felix will always inherently be "more" to oliver. however, this intrinsic "more" quality that felix possesses is dangerous. it's part of the reason i think oliver kills felix. too much of a good thing--that's what felix is.

felix is so perfect, you let him consume your soul without even realizing it. even though lovie is great and a piece of felix, she's so much safer. because of this, her existence makes it easier for oliver to swallow the thought of turning on (and getting rid of) felix. because a more attainable, more manageable 'version' of him will still be around.

also oliver starts to want lovie more in certain ways because felix wants her. if he can get lovie (especially before felix), that makes him more like felix. it's part of the process of oliver shifting from wanting felix to wanting to be felix.

despite the fact that lovie makes the thought of letting go of felix more bearable, lovie's presence would also make it hard to get rid of felix.

logistically, they're rarely apart. it's hard to poison someone when there's always a witnesss. and, if oliver only wanted to kill one of them, poisoning wouldn't be as easy because lovie and felix share almost everything.

also, oliver is smart and selfish. he knows that killing one would devastate the other--they're a set. oliver doesn't want a depressed lovie, and he doesn't want a depressed felix. he knows that getting rid of one throws their entire dynamic and world out of balance. their grief and depression wouldn't be fleeting, it would be all consuming.

if lovie lost feix, or vice versa, they'd each be depressed in a way that takes all the fun out of it for oliver. if either of them is that heartbroken, it's harder to project any manic pixie dream girl fantasies onto them.

general notes on oliver's feelings for lovie and felix:

i think oliver would eventually grow fond of their group dynamic. not fond in a comfortable way, especially at first, because of how obsessive oliver's character is and because of how close lovie and felix are.

but with time, it's easier to feel secure in his place in their life. he starts to want them as a bonded pair. a big part of that definitely comes from his voyeuristic tendencies. it gets to the point where it's not always sexual. he likes watching them interact, watching them take care of each other because of the intimacy of it all. i could write a drabble focusing on oliver and voyeurism when it comes to lovie and felix to explain it more if anyone wants me to elaborate

also, because there's two of them and oliver manages to engrain himself into their dynamic (to a certain extent), his obsession becomes a little less overwhelming. don't get me wrong, he's still unhinged, but the ability to place all of that onto two people stabilizes him to an extent. there's a balance to it.

i think this 'balance' would make it more likely for felix and lovie to live, but i can also see oliver jumping to lock their relationship down by killing off everyone else in felix's family faster. especially if he felt like felix was starting to lose interest. the grief and solitude would make felix rely on oliver, and lovie would follow. it'd be just the three of them, just like oliver wanted.

a more canonical saltburn ending

as a final side note, i think even if everything worked out exactly the same, lovie is the most likely to live. if you think about it, oliver only killed off the cattons, which lovie isn’t. even though he views lovie as a part of felix, she'll always be the 'safer' version of him.

he'd keep her around as a sort of token, a reminder of that summer, the cattons, and most importantly felix. lovie's life and presence would become a memorial dedicated to felix in oliver's eyes.

however, oliver is impulsive and easily startled. if lovie found out that he killed felix (or anyone if we're going with the scenario that oliver decides to keep both felix and lovie and no one else), he'd probably get scared and impulsively kill lovie.

if lovie found out oliver lied, i think he'd try to manipulate her into keeping it a secret at first, but if she reacted the 'wrong' way he'd feel 'betrayed' enough to snap and kill her without thinking.

i can also see him trying to preemptively discredit her, maybe making felix think lovie has been using him, but i think he'd know it probably wouldn't work. lovie and felix are together constantly, in what moment would she have had the time to betray him 😭

#ask #saltburn x reader #saltburn imagine #bestfriend!felix #felix catton x reader #jacob elordi x reader #bestfriend!felix x reader

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im-not-corrupted · 4 months

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Well I gotta send in a request now!

How about 4 - "Well, this is rather cliché" with Dreamling? ❤️ (Happy early V-day btw!)

Oooo this one was fun! Happy early Valentine's day!

-------

He has, admittedly, been avoiding Hob Gadling for quite some time now.

There is a valid reason, regardless of whether or not Matthew and Johanna believe him. There is simply too much in his head, his chest a mess of tangled feelings, and he knows already how this ends. This is a story he has lived through plenty of times before; it never ends well, and there are some things that are simply not worth it in the end.

Like ruining the friendship he and Hob have now. It has taken years for them to get to this point, and he values his friend's company far more than he'll ever be able to put into words at this point. He decided, when he realised that his own feelings went a little bit beyond friendship, that it would be simple to just--avoid it all. To not think about it.

Not thinking about it is harder than Dream would like. His thoughts turn to Hob constantly, unbidden, and there is no escaping it, not unless he buries himself in his work. In his writing.

Which he has tried his best to do, only Matthew and Lucienne both seem to believe that isn't healthy of him. This, he supposes, might very well be true, but he doesn't quite have the capacity to care.

Until Matthew and Johanna both decide to interfere. Which is how he ends up in the back of Johanna's car, with Matthew singing terribly off-key to the music blasting from the radio, a situation he thinks might very well be his own personal kind of hell. He already has a headache forming and has a feeling it'll only get worse as the evening goes on--he doesn't have a clue as to why he is here, but it cannot be good.

There is a reason he does not often talk to people. Really, the friendships he has with Johanna and Matthew weren't really his choice--they both wormed their way into his life without asking and somehow managed to stick around.

He is not. Unhappy. With that. He has come to value their friendship, too. They care for him, even if he cannot quite understand why.

Still. He does not often talk to people, and that is simply because that does not go hand-in-hand with his own lifestyle. He wishes to remain inside the walls of his apartment, where he doesn't have to think too hard on...on everything. On his own subconscious insistence on ruining almost every good thing he has. Inside his apartment, he can simply...write. Play music. Get out of his own head until its noise doesn't feel quite so overwhelming, until it becomes manageable.

This. Is not manageable. It is not. And though he is fond of both Matthew and Johanna--he is, even if he has some difficulty showcasing it--he already wishes they had not dragged him out.

"What," he asks eventually, when Matthew grows bored of the radio and the silence grows too heavy, "am I doing here?"

It is a question he has asked at least four times already. It is a question he will continue to ask until he gains an answer. If he does, that is. He has never been very good at surprises--he is not very good at surprises here either.

Matthew twists around in the passenger seat, shooting him a grin that Dream can only describe as 'mischievous'. Which, really, doesn't bode well at all. "Oh, you'll see!"

"I hope you realise just how uncomforting that is," he deadpans.

Johanna tells him, "Get over it. This is for your own fucking good."

He almost asks what that means--almost, because his eyes are trained on the windows, and he knows these streets. Has walked them a couple of times before now.

This is the route to The New Inn.

"The New Inn?" he asks, and dread opens up, a chasm beneath him. His stomach drops to the floor of the car. "What--"

"The New Inn," Matthew confirms. The grin on his face has only gotten wider, though that fades when he looks at Dream. He sighs before saying, "Listen. Dream. You can't avoid the man forever."

"I can, if you stop interfering," he points out. He would appreciate less interference, actually. He would really appreciate less interference. Avoidance may hurt--and, god, it does, he has ached and ached since he first realised just how foolish he was being by daring to want more--but it is the best option. The only option, at least until he has his own feelings under some semblance of control. He will not allow this to ruin what he has with Hob, something the two of them fought for painstakingly.

It took years. Of Hob's persistence, and his saint-like patience. It took years of Dream avoiding whatever kindness he was offered, believing himself to be above it all, until his life was abruptly ruined by Burgess.

It took a lot of time to get over that one afterwards. But Hob was there, a shoulder to cry on if he needed it, an anchor in the middle of the storm. Johanna and Matthew, he met those two afterwards, but Hob--he was there since the beginning, and held him through it all.

Dream is grateful for him. For him, and for his older sister Death, who decided to offer him kindness, too. He can't ruin their friendship. What would he do without it? Without the chance to see Hob's smile, warm and gentle and loving, every time the two of them saw each other?

He would rather avoid the other man for a few weeks, until his heart outgrows its foolishness, than attempt to pursue anything. It will not end well--he has a long line of failed relationships to prove that one, and doesn't want to add Hob's name onto the end of that list. He will not be the one to ruin Hob.

Johanna snorts. She doesn't look back at him, for she's the one driving and she wisely keeps her eyes on the road, but if she could, Dream just knows she'd give him a very unimpressed glare. She's rather impressive at those. "Fuck off," she says, her voice sharp. "Have you even texted him in the last fucking week? The man's a wreck!"

"...I texted him," he answers. It is weak, though the answer isn't a lie. He has texted Hob, though only once before he decided the best option would be to simply turn off his phone. At least that way his attempts to get over his infatuation will be undisturbed. But he did. He has a feeling, though, that Johanna meant more than just once.

Then the rest of what Johanna said dawns on him, and guilt flares, ready to swallow him whole. "A wreck? Is he alright?"

"Well, you haven't texted him for what--three, four weeks now?" Johanna asked. "What the fuck do you think? He's asked me twice now to make sure you aren't dead in a ditch already."

"You need to talk to him," Matthew piped in. "So neither of you go insane."

"I'm not going insane," he protests, but it falls on deaf ears. Which, he supposes, might be due to the fact that Johanna is pulling up in front of The New Inn now.

It looks...surprisingly empty, despite the lights on in the windows. He blinks at the sight. It is Valentine's Day, so it certainly comes as a surprise. It isn't necessarily the most romantic of places to take a partner, but it does happen. Dream remembers the bustle of last year's Valentine's Day rather well, and he wonders why it is so empty now.

Perhaps Hob simply decided to forgo Valentine's day celebrations this year and leave The New Inn closed for the day. That doesn't quite fit with his perception of Hob, but it is a good and reasonable answer that fits a tiny bit too well with Johanna's previous statement of 'The man's a wreck', which is...discomfiting.

"Alright, in you go," Matthew tells him.

Dream simply stares at the building and makes no attempt to move.

"For fuck's sake, go," he says again. "We'll be here to drive you back if everything goes as bad as you seem to think it will. You need to fucking talk already. It's either that or we sit here all night."

The thing is--the thing is, honestly, that now that the opportunity is close enough for him to grasp, every part of him wants to walk into The New Inn. To see Hob again, to bask in the light of his company, despite every bit of logic telling him that it is, perhaps, the worst idea he's had in years.

But he has never been particularly great at resisting impulses, and certainly not ones he knows will end badly. So he sighs heavily and simply says, long-suffering and exhausted, "Very well."

It is, in the end, an easy feat to open the door of the car. The evening air is cold, stinging his face instantly, and he shivers in his coat as he makes the walk up to The New Inn, deciding it is simply best to ignore Matthew's far too loud call of Go get him, tiger that Dream is fairly sure the entire neighbourhood also heard.

He stands there for a couple of moments. Now that he is really there, that the door is in front of him, crossing that threshold seems suddenly impossible. He should--he should turn back, should leave before it all goes wrong. What was he thinking, deciding this would be a good idea?

He doesn't get to turn back. The door opens before he can put thought into action, and Hob is standing there, haloed by the lights on inside. He looks--well, he looks just as lovely as always, and the one on Dream's face is one so warm that it makes his heart flip in his chest. He rues that, the ease with which all his attempts to put distance between his feelings and himself are made futile simply by glancing at Hob's face.

"You're here," the other man breathes, and without warning, Dream is pulled into a hug.

It is. Warm. Lovely. Everything Dream has wanted these last few weeks, since deciding avoidance was the best route to go down. And he can't help but to hug back, a little awkward but still heartfelt.

It is over sooner than he wants it to be, but he resists the urge to pull Hob back. That, he thinks, really would make distancing himself from his feelings difficult, and things are hard enough as it is.

"Come on, come in," his friend says, and he pulls Dream by the wrist inside. It isn't a particularly rough grip--he is careful with Dream, gentle, and though the prideful part of him always rears its head at the display of tenderness, for he doesn't want to be treated or seen as weak, he is grateful for it--and he can pull away easily, but he follows along instead, soon engulfed by the cosiness of The New Inn instead of the frigid cold outside.

Despite his earlier theories, Hob did not forgo Valentine's Day celebrations. If anything, he seemed to have gone above and beyond, at least with the decorations--there are red and white decorations everywhere. Heart balloons, streamers, little heart-shaped decorations upon the tables--it is an assault on his senses, one he didn't expect, and he takes a second to take in the sight. It certainly requires some adjustment.

"Well, this is..." he starts, but lets the sentence trail off.

Beside him, Hob snorts. When Dream turns to look at him, he rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. "Rather cliché, I know," he says wryly. "This was all Matthew. He...thought this would be a good idea? For...some reason? I have to admit, I'm not entirely sure what his thought process here was. I only said I wanted to talk to you, to make sure you were alright, and he did...this."

"...Ah." He has a feeling he understands Matthew's thought process exactly, and resolves to never consult Matthew in such matters again. "I believe I understand what happened."

"Well, I'm glad someone does," Hob says with a quiet laugh. It's not as joyous as his laughs usually are. "Listen, Dream--if I did something wrong, if I was coming on too strong, tell me? I can back off. I don't want to drive you away. You mean a lot to me."

Dream...takes a second to process. Stares at Hob, a bit baffled and not entirely sure he heard that correctly, before asking, "...Coming on too strong?"

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, or anything, only I was sure you felt...similarly. I'm sorry if I got that wrong."

He thinks back to their last interaction--the kindness of Hob's smile, the way he took Dream's hand in his, asking whether Dream wants to Come up to my flat, love? We can watch a movie, or I can make you dinner, whatever you feel like, and looks at it in a new light entirely. "You...Want more. Than friendship. From me."

It does not seem possible, not in any sense of the word. But, god, does Dream want it.

He laughs quietly, self deprecating, and tugs on his earlobe. It is an incredibly endearing action, that, and Dream adores him very much. "I didn't make it obvious enough?" he asks, then shakes his head. "Listen. I want--I want whatever you want. If that's just friendship, that's fine with me. But...yes. Yes, I would like...something more. With you."

The smile that breaks across his face is unbidden, but not necessarily unwelcome. He swallows down the nerves, the anxiety, and considers. If...If Hob wants more, too, if his own wants aren't monstrous, undesired...perhaps there will be no ruining their friendship. Perhaps he can take a chance, if only here.

He steps forward, takes Hob's hand in his. "I am not. Particularly great at this," he admits.

Hob raises a brow. "I might've noticed."

Dream glares at him. He doesn't really mean it. Its effect is significantly weakened by the smile that remains on his face. "But. I would like something more with you, too. If you would have me, still."

Eyes widening, Hob says, "Of course I would, Dream. Of course I would. Now that we're on the same page..." His hand tightens in Dream's. "Do you want to come upstairs? For a movie, or for dinner? For both? And to...talk, we should do that too."

He places a kiss, feather-soft and gentle, to Hob's cheek. "Yes. I think I would like that a lot."

Hob beams at him, and Dream thinks that this cannot be anything other than a good thing.

#the sandman #dreamling #dream of the endless #hob gadling #dreamling fic #the sandman fic #eris writes things #my fic #valentine's day prompts

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rainbowsky · 3 months

Text

Here's a bit more fandom history for everyone.

It's been a long time since I've heard this incident talked about, but I guess turtles are reminiscing a bit about the kind of things GG's fans subject him to, and this has come back up.

Back in 2019 when GG was in Nanjing for The Untamed fan meet, a hotel staff member left this adorable Jianguo pillow with a little note 'from Jianguo' wishing him success with the concert. GG clearly enjoyed it because he posted it on his Oasis.

At first shrimps were enjoying it because they assumed it was a shrimp who'd done it, but when they realized it was a turtle they freaked out and launched a major cyberbullying campaign against the turtle and flooded the hotel with hundreds of phone calls complaining and trying to get her fired. Some of them threatened to keep calling the hotel every day and overwhelm the phone lines until she was fired.

GG had no choice but to delete the photo. He replaced it with a solid black image, and put the line, "post whatever you want" in his profile.

Just imagine how awful he must have felt, that his fans attacked and harassed a sweet fan who'd made him a lovely gift, nearly getting her fired - all from a post he made showing his appreciation for this cute, thoughtful gift.

If you wonder why GG and DD don't acknowledge turtles and why GG hasn't mentioned XFX by name in years, this is a bit of a clue as to why. GG especially has a lot of reason to be wary of being too personal and open with fans (and no doubt 227 didn't help with that at all). GG and DD know that acknowledging turtles will only harm them and lead to more hate and war from solos.

And GG has repeatedly said - including in his statement on the anniversary of 227, which was the first time he made a direct personal statement about it - that he doesn't believe anyone should identify as "I am ___'s fan."

"I want to tell my fans, everyone has the right to like and hate. No matter if you like or hate, it should be respected and allowed in their own spaces. Of course, this right should be based on rationality and not hurting other people, while following accurate values. I hope that my fans can understand that no matter what field or age, your personal likes and actions shouldn't cross the line or go against that field's ethics or morals. No matter if it's on the Internet or in real life, everyone should be responsible for their own actions. Even more, hope that none of us should be represented by the label 'xxx's fan.'"

GG realizes something that XFX can't seem to get through their heads: when you speak of "fans of Xiao Zhan," that is not synonymous with "XFX," no matter how much they would like everyone to believe that they're his only fan group. Actually, turtles are GG's fans also, as are all people who love and support GG, regardless of how they identify themselves and regardless of how deep or casual is their appreciation for him.

So pretty much ever since this era, and especially after 227, you never hear GG refer to his solo fandom by name. And I don't think that's because he has contempt or disregard for them (although I don't doubt he must harbor 'feelings' about everything they've put him through), rather I think it's because he wants to be inclusive toward all of his supporters, and not let it be thought that he doesn't appreciate everyone, regardless of 'affiliation'.

#bjyx #yizhan #bxg ggdd #solos belong to moling su sect #it's in the air it's all around

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saey707 · 5 months

Note

I am BEGGING for more Yandere heartsteel Yone!! What do you think he would act like if during his carreer he found himself falling in love with someone or even dating them?

I feel like the fans would know nothing about the fact that he has a partner he loves very… very much. Imo he would want to keep them out of the spotlight as much as possible to “protect” them (aka nobody can have them other than him) and he has to manipulate his way into making reader into the perfect obedient partner that has eyes only for him.

✿ Prompt: Yone wants to "protect" you ✿

♡ champion focus: yone ♡ tw: yandere-ish, manipulation ♡ Gender-neutral reader

From the beginning of your relationship with Yone, you always felt something was... off about him. Of course, that was a given, especially considering how little everybody knew about him.

Nobody truly knew a thing about Yone, other than the simple facts: He loved cold brew, was a Taurus, was an INFJ, and frequently micromanaged the chaotic life he and his friends lead.

Overall, Yone was a private person, preferring to not manage any socials, let alone be a figure in the spotlight on television Instead, he would occasionally hop onto corporate socials to answer any burning questions the Heartbeats had regarding new projects, songs, or tour dates. He'd stray towards the back and allow his friends to have the front floor. It's how he preferred things to be.

Upon meeting you, Yone never believed he could fall in love with someone as conservative as himself. Someone who preferred to keep the intimate details to oneself and valued a small circle. A person who didn't want to put all their personal information, memories, and photos out for the public to gaze upon.

It seemed fate had a way of drawing the two of you together- Him to you and you to him.

And ensnared within the jaws of Yone's adoration, his obsession, the desperate producer took all measures necessary to root out every fragment of information he could about you. His torment to understand you was extreme. Yone was extreme.

"There's still so much I have yet to discover about you..." "Heh... I could say the same to you."

Secrets Yone always confined and kept to himself effortlessly flowed past his lips when it came to you. Yone was hungry to know all the little things about you that the world didn't know. And the world just may... Never truly know a thing about you either.

Because you were- for the most part- off the grid, it didn't make it hard for Yone to keep you all to himself. In fact, he wanted nothing more than to do just that. Why should the world get to know you as intimately as he did?

"I'm thinking about making an Instagram account..." you voiced aloud, staring at your phone. This immediately caught the attentive ears of Yone. Turning your attention to your boyfriend, you failed to notice how he tensed up, lips forming a tight line. His trepidatious fingers bounced on the rim of his mug.

"Is that so?" he began in a low and quiet tone.

You shrugged, "I mean it could be a nice place to put all of our memories!" Yone chuckled coldly, shrugging his shoulders. And with that, he picked up his mug and made his way over to you.

"Sure, sure, sure... I'm just worried that this will take away the mystery from our love lives." Your brows furrowed in confusion. So the producer continued.

"You know... Putting our business out in the public? Honestly... The last thing I want is for the fans to say something to you. You know how they act when one of us starts dating... Constantly prying for information, wanting to know more..."

He cleared his throat, "...I just don't want to put you under the spotlight, you know- public scrutiny could hurt."

"Yeah, I get it." You responded, forlorn that your lover didn't seem invested in the idea.

Yone wrapped his arms around you from behind the couch, and with a sigh, pressed his lips to your temple. "Ultimately, it's your decision. I'm just worried you'll become overwhelmed with all the attention."

Nodding your head, you pushed your head against his neck. "You might be right about that. I'll think on it a bit longer before deciding."

Still, even with a decision that still had yet to be sorted out, Yone still wasn't pleased with it. He hated that he was out of control. He hated that you were even considering putting yourself out there!

It made him feel like someone could easily take you away from him- Like others would have the ability to uncover all of the secrets that should only be confined between you and him!

So he made the hard decision to lie to you one evening.

"The fans have become quite violent lately." He voiced, looking at an article on his laptop. "They're starting to bump up our security. Or at least, that is the plan I've decided..." Yone sighed. A look of concern crossed your face.

"Why?" You questioned, cautiously walking over.

Yone turned his head to peer towards where you were standing. "There's... A rumor going around. Heartbeats are speculating that I'm dating someone." He informed with a forged sadness on his face, watching your eyes widen in shock.

And how he loved the look of fear in your eyes.

He had you in the palm of his hand, wrapped around his finger. He knew if he scared you just a little bit you'll be at his mercy. Yone knew you'd come around and listen to him.

"I'm sorry..." "Don't be. It's not your fault. I should have done a better job of protecting you."

You shook your head stubbornly. "Stop. You shouldn't be beating yourself up over this, Yone. You do plenty to protect me." You rushed over, wrapping your arms tightly around him. You felt for a second that if you let go, you would lose him. You felt... afraid.

Aimlessly, you were trying to feel a sense of security, one of which Yone would happily provide with his following statements:

"It's best the two of us just lay low for now. Okay?" He smiled, kissing the top of your forehead.

"As long as you listen to me, I'll keep you safe in my arms. Always."

#saeybaewrites #request #scenario #heartsteel #heartsteel yone #yone #heartsteel yone x reader #heartsteel x reader #yone lol #x reader #yone lol x reader #yone league of legends #lol x reader #yone league of legends x reader #league of legends x reader

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callsign-rogueone · 26 days

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cuddles - b.s.

Brennan Sorrengail x reader words: 565 🏷: no book spoilers, just thoughts about cuddles with Bren [re: this ask]. gender neutral + no pronouns used. brief mentions of the following things, but they aren’t described in any detail: reader and/or Brennan being injured or sick, having nightmares, stress, and worrying about your partner / being afraid of losing them again. one (1) implication of sexual activity at the end but it’s incredibly mild and left up for interpretation. not edited, just a ramble / headcanons. posting this from my bed, wishing I had a brennan here with me right now :(

Bren is absolutely a cuddler behind closed doors, when it’s just him and his partner around.

it’s definitely a stress reliever for him to just be held and relax with you, to take his mind off of preparing for war. everywhere else, he’s the stern, responsible Lieutenant Colonel, but inside your room, he’s just your Bren, and he likes to be babied sometimes. he deserves it! hold him. massage the stress out of his shoulders. be the big spoon for him sometimes (even if you’re shorter/smaller than him, he still loves it). let him lay his head on your lap / chest / etc and play with his hair and read aloud to him from whatever book you’re in the middle of. warning you though, he’ll probably fall asleep and trap you there for a good hour because he’s so tired all the time.

you’ve both been through so much, and sometimes he just likes to have you close, feeling the warmth of your body and your heartbeat and your breathing, as a reassurance that you’re still alive, still here with him 🥺 especially if one of you has a nightmare, or something scary happened to either of you that day — if you were seriously injured, he’s mending you immediately, obviously, but then he’s not letting you out of his sight. he’s taking the afternoon off and taking care of you, and that includes hours of cuddles.

and he’ll do it as a reassurance for you, too. if you’re crying / injured / overwhelmed, etc., he’s scooping you into his arms and holding you close while he figures out what’s wrong and how to fix it for you, because that’s what Brennan does, he fixes things. but if it’s not an immediately urgent issue, he’s happy to cuddle you a while to help you feel better first.

and it’s a subconscious thing for him too. even when he’s asleep, he’ll reach for you, curling into your side when he finds you. he just wants to be close to you, as it’s a comfort to him. he falls asleep a lot easier and stays asleep longer when he can feel that you’re around. if he’s sick or recovering from an injury (like in the last six years), you need to be close to him — not just for your own reassurance and because you want to take care of him, but also because he’ll drag himself out of bed to find you if you leave.

on nights where it’s too hot to cuddle, you have to settle for falling asleep holding hands, which works for a few minutes — until one of you wants to roll over — but it’s good enough for him.

also, I stand by the fact that he’d have the most comfortable bed. he’s the top commander of the revolution, so he’d theoretically have the nicest room, and because he’s so tired from running the army and mending people and teaching a class now, too, I think he would value having a nice soft place to sleep when he can. a big mattress that you can stretch out on, lots of pillows and some very nice blankets.

and I am legally obligated to make this suggestive, because it’s Brennan: cuddling is a requirement after ~certain activities~. and also, cuddling tends to turn into ~certain activities~ quite often — when you’re not too tired, that is. 😉

#brennan and duchess #brennan sorrengail #brennan sorrengail x reader #fourth wing #fourth wing x reader #mine

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intersectionalpraxis · 7 months

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A lot of what folks have been emphasizing about the BDS movement (which is an acronym for: boycott, divestment, and sanctions) is that it is NOT meant to be a quick or temporary solution -some BDS movements have lasted decades (South Africa being the first example I can think of), and I wanted to talk a little about this here because sustainability is an important element within this as well.

So, the top 3 that were suggested (and seems unanimous by lots of voices on social media) is McDonald's, Disney, and Starbucks, which have many agreed is a GREAT start because these are HUGE multi-billion dollar industries, whose profits margins are astonomical. There were 2 points I wanted to make into this post, and that includes:

When you're boycotting Starbucks, it means you're not purchasing their coffee beans/teas/tea concentrates/iced beverages/etc from stores as well. I listened to a person on tiktok talk about how Starbucks actually receives the most revenue from this, just a reminder for folks that's also included in this long-term BDS movement, ALL products from Starbucks must be boycotted.

Disney products, passes for the parks, Disney plus/etc are all included in this boycott, as I am sure you are aware. Anything Disney is involved in production-wise is as well. People have been talking about boycotting Snow White and the upcoming Marvels, for obvious reasons; this is just ANOTHER reminder to hit them where it hurts financially. Don't attend the shows -if you need to watch them later or even elsewhere (and I'm not suggesting anything specific per-say, but you know what I mean).

McDonald's seems self-explanatory, but finding alternatives to fast food and convenience items is key here as well.

And lastly, as I mentioned, SUSTAINABILITY is so important! Yes, we can always find a new local cafe or a coffee shop we like (or start making our drinks at home/find other convenience products to use), and sure we can find other fast food options while on the go or again, prepare a snack or meal in advance. We also can find other places to watch shows, to go out and find places to have a good time -but please, remember this isn't like 'when the ceasefire happens we go back to Starbs/McD's/Disney.'

It will include lifestyle changes for SO many of us, and there are plenty of other companies on that list (which includes Lo'Real, who owns a TON of makeup lines -so for so many folks, it's going to be something we find what works best for us -the key is not to get overwhelmed with these dozens of subsidiary companies and labels, but to focus on these 3 at first and then go from there).

Just a final reminder: please don't harrass workers at any of these stores/companies. They aren't alighing themselves with their company's values and statements, they're just folks earning money/an income like us and are navigating this shit just as much as we are.

I've been learning a lot from people who do research on BDS movements, and they can be effective, but it is something we must persist with.

Also, if you already have products from any of the brands listed, don't waste them. Use them, and of course go from there. You don't have to feel pressured to throw a hair product or makeup or coffee beans in the trash. This is about what you do AFTER using them up/and find something else hopefully with a brand that doesn't support Israeli apartheid and colonial violence.

Another huge area we must tackle is BIG TECH, especially since a lot of children (but of course this includes EVERY Congolese person) are being used to mine the Cobalt that is used to make laptops, phones, tablets/etc. They are doing this with THEIR BARE HANDS in the heinous of conditions in the Congo, and are paid terribly -every aspect of this 'work' is a form of modern enslavement.

There are ultimately many things we need to do, and there are steps that have been given by so many amazing Creator's talking about these issues, so with as much solidarity as possible --do your research, support brands/companies that stand by people being oppressed by imperial/colonial forces because this doesn't end until we are all safe, and free from violence.

#feminist #feminism #freepalastine🇵🇸#free congo #palestine #free gaza #bds movement #boycott israel #boycott starbucks #boycott disney #boycott mcdonalds #israel is committing genocide #israel is an apartheid state

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cheynovak · 2 months

Text

Forbidden Hearts Part 2

Soldier Boy x F/Reader (Y/N)

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Alcohol, Family trauma, abuse, smut, losing virginity, +18

Side note: English isn’t my first language.

Words: 7400

Make sure to read Part 1 of this story

*Does not follow The Boys storyline!*

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Y/N and Ben (Soldier boy) both grew up in South Philly. Ben’s father took an interest in Y/N’s mother a few years after her father died. By the time they made their relationship public both you and Ben were young teens. As young kids you two saw each other as siblings but the more time they spend time together, the more Ben realised his feelings weren’t normal sibling love. But what happens when Y/N reaches the age where her mother wants to find a good suiter for her only daughter.

---------------------------------

1941

Ben’s father completely ignored his son after the events that happened 5years ago. In his eyes his son had taken one step too far. Being the disgrace he was, causing Y/N to send to an all-girl boarding school. According to her mother to regain her manners and learn the values of society.

Ben’s father pretended to the outside world that Ben needed to learn the values of life by working in a factory. While in real life he cut all connections to his son, even financially, if it was up to him, Ben had to move out, considering he was an adult know.

Y/N’s mother pleaded for him to stay, not because she cared, no, what would the society think?

These events made Ben day drink more and more, just to cope with the humiliation. It started with sneaking liquor out of his father’s cabinet to staying at the bar with his coworkers, drinking till he had to work again.

Only coming home to sleep once in a while but leave before anyone could see him and the state that he was in.

Ben walked out of the bar, noticing a neat woman standing a crossed the street, holding small purse in front of her flowery dress, too drunk to realise it was Y/N, but sober enough to think this wasn’t a place for a respectable woman to wander around.

His friend and co-corker Carlos whistled at her, which made Ben laughed, while he kept walking, almost late for his first shift.

“Is that how you let your friends threat me, Benjamin?” You spoke in a sweet voice, Ben stopped. Carlos eyes got wide, slapping Ben on his shoulder, “you know this lady?” - “Birdy?” he whispered under his breath. Afraid to turn around.

It had been ages since he heard your sweet voice. Part from the dreams he had when he was blacked out in his room.

Once he did turn around, he saw his ears didn’t deceive him. “Birdy!” he walked fast towards you. Glad to see you came home.

You noticed his physique had changed, he looked tired, skinnier but when his arms wrapped around you, you could still feel the strength in them.

You could smell the alcohol and dirt on him, a huge contrast to the Ben you last saw. “How are you?” You ask while being overwhelmed by his hug, barley answering it. He felt your awkwardness and slightly loosened up. “I’m ok, how are you?”

Ben looked her up and down, wondering what changed in you, you still looked the same. Part from being 5 years older. Clearly developed all the right female curves. “I am good.” you smile polite, looking at the man a crossed the street who were staring at the two of you.

“Where have you been? I thought you’d come home after 4 years?” Ben asked, pulling your attention back to him.

“Well, I met someone.” This clearly took Ben by surprise. “In an all-girl school?” You point to the car waiting “Frank my fiancé is the son of one of the teachers. We met during school, he is the reason I stayed a little longer.” You could see the shock on his face.

“I wrote about him, didn’t mom tell you?” - “No, eh I haven’t seen anyone at home in a while.” You thought about those words for a second. “Work.” he added shy.

Realising you wrote about Frank over months ago, he never not once had a family diner since then? “Well, he is coming over tonight for dinner. Why don’t you join us? Get to know him?” You asked hopeful.

“Yeah, why not.” His answer made you smile. “I have to work now. But I’ll be there tonight.” Giving you a small peck on your cheek, which leaves you flustered. While the men on the street started to tease Ben as he rejoined them.

Your gloved hand moved over the spot his lips just touched. You still felt the stubble of his unshaved beard lingering on your skin. God give me strength to fight this. You heard the car horn honk, which made you move toward it while still looking back.

That evening you and Frank sat next to each other, your mother and stepfather on each side of the table. It was late, your hope on seeing Ben were gone. The men talked about politics while your mother kept rambling on about the newest fashion in Philly, since you were gone for so long.

Your mind drifted back to Ben,

It has been so long since you two saw each other. Why wouldn’t he join us? Maybe he is mad I didn’t write to him.

He must understand that the situation we got in wasn’t healthy. Maybe he took a night shift, maybe he is working. Yes, that is probably it.

Or maybe he just didn’t want to know you anymore. No, he was glad he saw you this morning.

Maybe he was just too drunk, he looked waisted and unhealthy. He was slim, almost skinny, looking tired like a drunk old man in a young body.

“Benjamin! What a surprise.” Your mother’s words pulled you out of your thoughts. Turning towards Ben. “Y/N invited me, I’m sorry I’m late, I had no idea what time dinner began.” His father turned his head like he smelled something disgusting. He greeted your mom like he saw her every week.

Your heart clenched in your chest. Ben took the time to clean up. You wanted to give him a polite hug, but he pulled you in just a little too tight. His scent filled your nose, a mixture of cologne with vanilla and tabaco... It reminded you of... home.

One of his hands held you under your shoulders the other a little lower on her back, moving down. his fingers moved over to where the curve of your behind started, back over your hip, he kneaded softly when he pulled himself away, looking in your eyes.

Leaving you startled, again.

5 years... 5 years you worked to bury all the feelings you had. Was it easy no, but you were able to manage. You learned how a woman should behave. And with one touch he opened the lock.

You thought you were strong enough to hide the past, but Ben was, no is still your forbidden fruit.

You could see in his eyes he felt the same way. For a second the room went dark. Seeing nothing but his green eyes staring in yours, when he broke contact, he asked. “And who is this?”

His words pulled you back. “Frank meet Benjamin, our oldest.” You mother introduced him like he was your brother. Giving you a look while the men shook hands. “ Frank is Y/N’s fiancé.” She added, making a statement. “Oh really.” He looked surprised at you, knowing very well who Frank is.

“Benjamin, why don’t you take a seat, I’ll let Sheila bring a plate.” The man that sat in front of you looked nothing like the man you saw this morning. Frank and his father picked up the conversation, every time Frank wanted to include Ben his dad made sure he cut if off.

Frank noticed the awkwardness between the two men. And you noticed how Ben’s manner started to slip away every time he asked Sheila to fill up his glass. “Thank you darling.” He winked at her. Ben’s eyes kept looking in your direction while you tried to avoid eye contact.

“So.” Ben started, “Why didn’t any of you told me Y/N was engaged, or coming home?” he took yet another gulp of his glass. “Benjamin, darling you were nearly never home.” Your mother tried to hush him. Ben smirked.

“ The only reason for me to stay was taken away from me, let’s see about 5 years ago. By you if I recall correctly." He bit towards your mother.

“Ben!” You interfered “No no, Birdy. It is true, my dad won’t even look at me, for what... happened.” his eyes glanced over to Frank who had no idea where this drama came from.

“Your mother never kept me up to date on your wellbeing, neither one cared where I’ve been all this time, when I came home, or if I even had a decent meal.” He looked at his father and then back at your mom. “And when I do pop up, because you visited me at work and were so polite to ask me for diner. She pretends her long lost son came home.”

“Guess what sweetheart, you hated me from the moment you laid your eyes on me. Afraid I would soil your perfect little daughter, I was the fucking devil in disguise.” He stood up and kept rambling his frustrations towards your mother.

“The one who ruined your perfect daughter for society. While all I did was let her live! Take her away from this fucking golden cage! I helped her breath while you were suffocating her.” He slammed his hand on the table.

“Benjamin!” You stood up as well “That is enough!” - “Oh, not nearly!” he matched your tone. “Look at you! Pretending you're someone you're not, with a man you don’t even love.” - “How dare you! I grew up Ben, while you got drunk, I turned my life around, how about you?”

“Oh my life did turn!” Ben walked around the table, slightly more aggressive than he meant, knocking a chair down.

“Look at you! You look like an up-tide bitch from the exact same society we used to hate! This entire evening you, not once, gave Frank the look I know you give when you care for someone, love someone. This entire act of yours is a facade, a lie to convince yourself you are a proper young woman ready to get knocked up to fucking ruin her life!”

He took a breath.

“Ready to play the whore of a nice aristocratic man.”

*Smack*

The anger inside you made your hand hit the side of his cheek. His head slightly turned away, he blinked a few times before looking back at you. “I think it’s time for you to leave.” he took in your words.

He nodded slowly, you could see the anger in his eyes dime. “Look me in the eye and tell me you truly love him. Tell me you want nothing to do with me and I leave.”

“You know I will never turn my back to you Ben, but the way you just acted is not ok. I asked you tonight to meet my fiancé, not to blame our parents for all that went wrong. I won’t let you ruin my relationship.” He took a step closer “That’s not an answer.”

“That is all I can give you, Ben.” his hand moved a piece of hair out of your face. You tried so hard not to lean into his touch. His hand stayed at the back of your head. While his lips touched your hair softly. “Bye Birdy.” He whispered.

You couldn’t hold back a deep breath while you felt his touch, your eyes were still closed when you felt his body move passed you.

You saw the horror in your mother’s eyes before your own vision blurred with tears.

By the time you turned around he was already gone. You decided to help Sheila in the kitchen not ready to discuss all that had happened here. But Frank needed answers. He walked in the kitchen asking Sheila to leave you two for a second.

“Benjamin is not your brother... is he?” Frank asked while he stood behind you. Your kept looking at the dishes afraid to look him in the eye. “No, our parents married when we were teens.” - “And he was kind of the rebel of the family?” - “He had a hard time when his mother died.”

Frank hummed. “And you fell for the bad boy?” - “No” You thought about your next words carefully. “I fell for my best friend.” turning back to Frank. “He made me smile, something I hadn’t done since my dad died.”

You could see that Frank didn’t shame you. He listened and asked, two things that made you like him. You knew he was a good man. “I had hoped Ben had changed. Grown up.” - “It seems that he still cares for you. Thinking you’re the same girl you were when you left.” Frank stated while he pulled you in a hug.

You couldn’t help yourself but to think that although Frank is sweet and caring, his hugs don’t have the same healing quality as Ben’s had. Your sorrow didn’t melt away like they used to years ago. Sure he was kind, sweet and caring. But was that enough for you?

“Sweety, I knew I wasn’t your first love.” Frank pulled you back “And I won’t ask you to compare us to what you had, nor will I ask you to forget your past. But I ask you to be honest to yourself, to me.” He kissed your head.

“And know, if you chose us, I’ll do anything to make you happy.”

Later that night you were laying in your old bed, in your old room thinking about all that had happened tonight. How lucky you had to be that Frank didn’t leave you after that, how much patience he had, when you heard a stumble in the hall.

You got out of bed and walked to the grand hall, standing at the top of the stair in a silk robe that covered your night gown. Seeing Ben waisted trying to get up the stairs. He stopped walking when he noticed you looking at him.

“I-it’s late... what are you doing up.” Ben asked you, walking back up. “You woke me.” you lied. At first you thought he would just walk past you, but he seemed to change his mind midway and turned back to you. “Where is prince charming?” - “Home.” You ignored the sarcasm in his voice. He seemed to like that answer.

Ben moved closer walking you back against the wall. “Does that mean you two didn’t... do the deed yet?” Your eyes widened, cheeks blushing. He waited a little for an answer that never came, while his eyes roamed your body, his eyes lingered on your curves, without shame.

“Ben...” was all you could whisper flustered unable to form a real answer. His arms locked you in between him and the wall. His lips moved to your ear. “If I had known that this would have happened to us, I wouldn’t held back that night.” He whispered with a hoars voice.

You couldn’t hold back the shiverers breath leaving your mouth, his lips moved over your cheekbones. He didn’t kiss you, but you could feel his lips move on your skin. His head touched yours.

He held his eye closed “I think of that night, all the time.” Ben’s hand cupped your face, making you look in his eyes. You could see the heat had darkened his eyes. “I really wanted to make you mine that night.” His lips closed in on yours. “I still want to.” he said almost soundless.

“Ben please don’t.”

He heard the fear in your voice. You weren’t afraid to kiss him, you weren’t scared of him. No, you were scared of yourself, of the passion you felt for him. Afraid you wouldn’t be able to hold back and throw away all you had worked for over these years.

His eyes asked the question he didn’t spoke. “You promised me my first time would be special.” He grinned, using his own words against him. “Match point Birdy.” His lips left a soft peck on the temple of your head. “Goodnight.”

You stood there, the heat still roaming your body. Unable to move as you watch him walking to the room next to you. You had no idea how long you stared at the closed door before you stood in front of it.

You knocked twice before he opened the door, you immediately noticed Ben had already removed his shirt and shoes. “I can’t give you want you want you know that right?” He smiled his boyish grin, the one that made your heart fluster.

“I’ll take what I can get.”

Your lips crashed on to his, your body melted against him. His hands roamed your body, kneaded at the curves he admired minutes ago as he guided you into his room. The air filled with heavy breaths and soft moans.

Your body moved on autopilot, kissing his lips, nipping his neck, finger slightly pulling and scratching the back of his head. Ben sat down on the end of the bed, he took of your robe, lifting your gown so you could straddle his thighs.

Ben was already hard, you could feel it against your silk panties. His hands pulling and kneading on your hips and behind. The grinding feeling him against your heated core made you moan out his name and pull his head closer to your chest as your head falls back.

“Fuck Birdy, keep moaning like that and I won’t be able to hold back.”

He kissed your neck and moved over to the top of your breasts. His hands moved the straps. He looked for your permission before he pulled them down, admiring you. “So beautiful.” He looked flustered when he cupped them, twisting your already hardened nipples soft between his thumb and index.

His lips moved down, kissed just the top one breast before moving over to the other. Your eyes still closed while your fingers tugged on his hair. He took you by surprise when he took a nipple in his mouth.

Making you grind your hips out of pleasure moaning his name again. Causing him to growl under his breath. Turning you over to lay down on the bed underneath him. “Look at you, so needy, so hot.” You could feel his hands move in between your thighs.

You hold back his hand when he almost touched your core. Part ashamed of the wetness that had formed in between your legs, part unsure what would happen next. “Don’t worry, you’ll like it.” He kissed your lips. “It won’t hurt.”

Your hand let’s go of his wrist, nodding slow, giving in to his touch. His fingers moved over the wet silk before they moved inside your panties. His fingers moved through your wet folds, spreading the wetness before he found the bundle of nerves and moved in circles.

“Oh Ben...” You back arched at his touch, knees moving not knowing how to cope with the sudden pleasure. “You like it?” Oh he knew you liked it, he could see how your body acted, how he made your body act.

You nodded rapidly while looking needy at him. “Good... don’t hold back Birdy, let me hear how much you like it.” One finger dipped down inside you. Making you grab for his biceps with an open mouth moaning.

“Thats it.” He kissed your neck. “That’s what I need from you.” You could feel the coil in your stomach burn, making you clench around Ben’s finger. “Ben I.. I feel.” - “I know let go, it’s ok, It will feel good.” your head fell back again, Ben’s fingers started to move faster and harder until you couldn’t hold back anymore.

The moans that came out of you sounded like prayers of joy. Ben kept working you all the way through. “Fuck you sound so good screaming my name.” He said while kissing you again after you came back to earth.

Your arms wrapped around his neck pulling him fully over your body. Not getting enough of him. “Birdy?” - “Hm?” - “Can I try one more thing?” You looked at him with questions in your eye. “I heard about it, but never tried before. It’s supposed to feel really good.”

You looked nervous. “I guess so.” Ben’s lips moved down to your stimulated core. His hands moved your thighs open. You felt the blush on your cheeks but were unable to look away when his lips kissed your clit.

His eyes locked your when his tongue licked a long stripe ending with a little flick at your clit. You decided to let go of your nerves and enjoy all Ben had to give you. Your body moved back in autopilot. Moaning his name, grinding against his mouth pulling on his hair.

Which made Ben moan under his breath, he loved to look of you. So, love drunk, in so much heat. He wished he could fuck you after this, but he knew you would want to wait for marriage. This night wouldn’t change a thing, he knew that, you gave your word to Frank to marry him.

And you were stubborn enough to continue, even though this felt right. You and him that was what you wanted, what your bodies needed, Ben was determined to make you think of him every time Frank kissed or touched you.

Maybe even think of him when you felt bold enough to touch yourself on a lonely night. Fuck his dick throbbed at that idea.

The heat in you started to boil again, you now knew what was to happen and you let your orgasm wash over you, Ben tugged your hips closer to him while your legs closed around him. Trembling with pleasure.

He wiped his face with the back of his hand before he placed himself next to you. “How was it?” he really wanted to hear her say it. “Amazing.” She answered still recovering from her orgasm. He smiled sincere when he pulled her close to him. “Good.”

You felt his hard dick against your thigh. “Ben?” - “Yeah?” you looked up at him. “Tell me how I can make you feel good.” Ben looked at you for a second trying to process your words. “Y-you don’t need to Birdy, I enjoyed this.”

“No really, tell me?” Ben’s face changed, he smiled soft, he turned on his back to undo his pants, before his hand moved yours down to his pulsing dick. “Take it, wrap your hand around me... and, oh like that move.” He could barely answer through the breaths that were leaving his body.

One hand moved under his head, while the other pulled your head on to his chest while you were pumping his cock in your hand. You noticed how he hissed in pleasure when your thumb moved over his tip of when your wrist turned slightly and added more grip.

You kissed his chest, your teeth graced his nipple while he whispered and encouraged you. “That’s it, oh fuck Y/N and I thought you were a good girl.” you look in his eyes “You like it don’t you, playing with my hard dick.” You shake your head before kissing his stomach.

“No, I love it.” you say flirty before you lick a stripe from in between his hips to his belly button. You felt bold noticing you found his pleasures. His hand grips the back of your head, it took him everything not to push your head further down.

His thumb moved over your lips, even though you were inexperienced you knew what the look in his eyes meant. You slowly kissed his hard dick right under your hand. You could see Ben get impatient, trying not to force you into doing something but he wants nothing more than to feel your lips wrap around his cock.

When your tongue licked a strip from his ball to the tip, licking of the precum he couldn’t hold back and moan your name loud. Making you repeat the action. “You like that taste huh?” his voice sounded hoars. You nod in response.

You looked at him when you felt bold enough to finally take him in your mouth. The grip on your head tightened. Bingo. His hand guided you up and down his shaft to a speed he liked. You kept working with your hand and mouth, unable to take him completely.

You could hear him getting close by the sound of his breaths. By surprise he pulled your head back up and closer to him. His lips connected with yours while his hand moved over to yours, grabbing and pumping with you.

Ben buried his face in the crock of your neck when you felt his hips buck up. Not long after you felt his warm seed covering your hands. He looked at you when his orgasm faded. Kissing you again with a long hard and deep kiss. “That felt amazing Y/N, thank you.” - “My pleasure.” you tease and blush.

After you both cleaned up you grabbed your dress to put it on. “Leave that.” Ben said sitting in bed waiting for you. His elbows on his knees, he held his hand out. “I want to feel your body against me tonight.” Unbelievable how nervous that made you. After all that had just happened this made you nervous.

But you listened and accepted his hand, which pulled you into his arms, caressing your back. “Are you tired?” - “Yeah I am.” - “Well, it’s pretty late you should get some sleep.” - “Do you need to work tomorrow?” You looked up at him. “I just lost my job.” he said embarrassed. “What?”

“I said I couldn’t work tonight. And they fired me.” - “Because I asked you to diner?” He nodded. “Ben! You should have told me you had to work. I didn’t want you to lose your job for me!” - “It was worth it.” He grinned.

The next morning you woke up from the sun on your face, checking the clock noticing you slept in. Which was unusual for you. The events from last night seemed like a dream. Until you felt Ben’s arm over your waist, pulling you in against his torso. “Goodmorning.” He mumbled sleepy while kissing your shoulder.

“Fuck.” you whispered in a breath when the guilt washed over you. “Not the answer I expected.” He joked but when he saw the fear on your face, he got serious. “What’s wrong?” His hand held your cheek. “What’s wrong?” you echoed. “Last night Ben. That should have never happened.”

“You regret it? While we both know that was inevitable.” - “No Ben, we could have ... tried harder.” - “We’ve been holding back, putting our feelings aside for years now. Years Y/N. When are you finally going to give in and be happy?” he asked while you were dressing yourself next to the bed.

“I made a promise, I gave my word.” You took a deep sigh. “I’m getting married.” He nodded clearly hurt. “Don’t, you’re not married yet, he isn’t from Philly you never have to see him again!”

“I can’t.” - “No, you won’t. You’ve been playing with me for years what’s one more night? Right?” His words shocked you. “Ben... that’s not true! I care for you, deeply.” - “Prove it.” You shook your head not knowing what he meant.

Ben grabbed your hand, kneeling in bed the sheets barely covering his lap. “ Marry me.” Those words took time to sink in. “What?” - “You heard me, marry me, Birdy.” All you could do was shook your head. Not believing what he just did.

“No, I can’t hurt Frank. He is a good man. I gave him my word and no matter what you think I do care for him.” Ben let go nodding while he got up his shoulder next to yours. “But you can hurt me?” He held the door open for you. “I’m sorry" you whisper to his shoulder trying to hug him, but all he did was look away, standing frozen.

The next weeks were pure horror, Ben nearly never slept at home, he wasn’t there anymore for dinner. He was clearly ignoring you. Only tonight he joined. Both Frank and your mother noticed you being quiet. “Are you ok love?” Frank had asked countless times this week. Which you answered with a soft smile and a nod.

During tonight's dinner your thoughts drifted away while you kept looking at him.

Ben is right, I used him. Maybe if he had asked me to marry him years earlier. No, it’s your fault you should have stayed away from him. You promised yourself you would leave him be. He deserves more than you, you’re not what he needs.

You are the reason he is pissed. I should have never visited him at his work. He lost everything because of me. I saw the pain in his eyes. He feels betrayed... and he is right. I hurt him. And even if I wanted to marry him, he just asked it because he knows I want to get married. He would do it for me not for himself.

Your thoughts were interrupted by Ben’s voice. “I found a new job. Which means I'll be even less home.” For the first time tonight, he looked in your eyes. “I’m joining the army. They are looking for new recruits, something about tests and volunteers. It pays well.”

You dropped your cutlery on your plate. “You what?!” Your face turned to your mothers who seemed as surprised as you. For the first time in years his father spoke towards him. “The army wants you? Seems like they are in a lot of despaired to accept you. Not even man enough to stay here, when it’s getting too hot under his feet, he runs.”

“Ben? You do now there’s a war in Europe, right? What if they ship you overseas?” - “That is the plan. And my mind is set. I’m leaving tomorrow.” He finished his drink and got up. You looked back at Frank. “I’m sorry but I have to...” - “Yeah you should go.”

“Ben... wait up!” You ran after him, Ben had packed his bag before diner, he had taken it to leave. Halfway down the stairs he stops in front of you. “Why?” you ask with tears in your eyes. “Because of us?” - “There is no us Y/N, you made that very clear.” - “That doesn’t mean I want you gone!” - “You you you, not the entire world revolves around your nice little ass princess!”

“Don’t be like that, please.” you hold his hands. “Please don’t go.” - “Give me one good reason.” - “I love you.” you blur out in tears. “ No, you don’t not really, you are in love with the idea of love Y/N.” -”I’m begging you Ben.” he took one step closer, his free hand moved over your face. Your tears streamed down.

“Do you really think I would have sneaked out that night, miss my own debutant ball if I didn’t care? T-that I would have stayed with you a couple of nights ago, if I didn’t love you?” your hand grabbed his on your face. “Do you, deep down, believe I would have given in to you If I didn’t love you?”

“Please stay, I want, no I need you.” you begged realising the mistakes you made. “Don’t make this harder than it already is Birdy.” He said before he kissed the top of your head.

Without caring for anything in the world you pulled him closer by the back of his neck. Your lips crashed onto his, while you stood on your toes. Both your hands holding his head, afraid to let go. His empty hand on your back, when you stood back on your heels, he followed not breaking the kiss. It felt sloppy and rushed, despaired.

When you do let go of him your eyes stayed closed “Please” But once again you feel him walking past you. When you opened your eyes, you saw Frank standing in the door.

You knew the next conversation was going to be hard. But to your surprise he gave you time to think.

You tried to give it time, but half a year later you decided Frank wasn’t the one for you. And even though you tried to contact Ben. For some reason you could get to him. He didn’t respond to your letters.

So, you made a choice of your own, you went back to study and became a nurse via internships. ‘Thanks’ to the war they wanted more medical support and made it easier to study while practising.

When in 1942 they assembled medical staff to volunteer to work on secret case (superhero affairs) you agreed. Dr. Frederick Vought liked your attitude and extra effort you pulled over the years you worked there. That he wanted you as his assistant.

He asked you to take a couple of tests from the soldiers. Eager as you were you agreed and walk in the room where all the soldiers we’re waiting on their bed bunks, shirtless. Your work outfit made a few men hungry. You heard some whistling, nothing you weren’t used to already. “All right gentlemen. Keep your enthusiasm for the battlefield alright?” you joked.

You made your way down the room. Taking test writing down the results, routine without paying much attention to the men. Until you were at the next to last bed. “Never thought to see you here... Birdy.”

That voice made you look up right in the familiar green eyes. “Ben...” You didn’t know what to say. Afraid to say something wrong. “Couldn’t stay away, did you?” He joked. And to his surprise you smile like an idiot. The reaction from the other solders made you blush and realise you were staring at him.

“I need to finish these tests...” he nodded and looked over his friend to shut up. “All done.” you add after a few minutes. “Hey.” he grabbed your wrist. “The boys are having a little party tonight. Why don’t you come?”

“I- I don’t know, dr. Vought makes me work pretty late.” He looked like he understood. “Just, if you have time, I would love to catch up.” You answered with a soft smile.” I’ll see what I can do.” - “Great”

That night you caught yourself finishing up earlier, being rushed. You really wanted to see Ben. You even took your time to fix your make up and dress up a little. When you walked out of the compound you could hear the music coming from the bar.

Your eyes scanned the room noticing Ben flirting with a girl at the bar, but the second his eyes met your he completely ignored her and walked over to you. The army green outfit matched his skin tone and eyes perfectly. The year of training clearly made him bulk up.

“There she is.” He said really loud while he hugged and spinning you around. “Come on let me introduce you to my palls.” He took you by your hand and walked you to the back of the bar where his friends sat with a couple of local girls.

“Ben who is this?” One of the girls asked. “Guys meet Y/N. An, eh old friend.” He said not knowing how to introduce you. The women were clearly not entertained by your presence. But Ben could care less. You felt uncomfortable sitting between all these people while the girl from the bar sat on Ben’s knee.

Which made Ben look over at you while he guided her of him, but you dodged his look, by taking a sip of the beer they ordered for you and look around. One or two men talked to you, asked you where you worked or how you knew Ben.

But mostly you just felt out of your place. After an hour of two you decided to go back to your room.

“Let me walk you.” Ben got up and placed a hand on the small of your back.

Once again, the men howled. “Oooh Benny boy, make sure you give the lady a nice time, will ya?” - “Maybe a real man should take her... home.” You knew the soldiers reacted to women like this, but you really didn’t like these comments when you weren’t working.

Once outside you turn to Ben. “You really don’t have to, you know that right?” He clearly didn’t expect that comment. “I want to, we haven’t had the chance to talk yet.” The silence was uncomfortable. So you decided to small talk.

“Was that your girl back there?” - “Eh, no, Steffy is just a girl who like hanging around soldiers. A regular at the bar.” - ‘Hm’ you nodded. “H-how is Frank? - “Eh, I have no idea.” You glance at the ground. “We broke up over a year ago.” - “So you never...” - ”Never married, no.” you finished his sentence.

“I’m sorry to hear.” - “Well, Frank is great, and he deserves the best. Which wasn’t me.”

“What barrack are you staying in?” - “The 4th in the south corner.” - “ Hm, pretty close then.” You said no idea what you talk about. “Yeah.”

Silence again until you were at the main building on the campus.

“You want to come in?” - “I really shouldn’t.” he saw the disappointment in your eyes. “Unless you want to talk some more?” - “I kind of want to, yes.” You felt the blush on your cheeks burn. “So you work for dr. Vought.” He said while looking around in your small yet more luxurious room. “Yes, It’s a really good job.”

“You know I volunteered for the experiment with the new drug.” He said still looking around. “Compound V?” - “Yeah, that one.” he now looked at her. “It’s almost on point, so you will have your shot pretty soon.” He took a step closer.

“I’ve heard that it wasn’t successful up until this point.” - “Can I be honest Ben... It killed people before.” He took in your words. “Well, there is a nurse who I trust with my life.” -”I’m not joking Ben.” He walked you against the door. “Neither am I.”

His knee pushed in between your legs. Your hand instinctively pushed against his chest, feeling it raising and falling with every steady yet deep breath he took. You looked up at him with these doe eyes.

“After all these years you still look so innocent.” he whispered before you felt his lips touch yours. You felt his hands holding thight on your side. “I missed you, Birdy.” His lips brush against yours again. “Not a day gone by I didn’t think of you...” You let out a shivering breath, almost whining.

“Fuck... not a night I didn’t dream of you.” He looked down at your body. You couldn’t hold back any longer and forced his face to look at you. Your lips melted with his. Your hands pulled him closer, you wanted to feel his body on you.

Your kisses were hungry. Hands roaming each other's body. Clothes peeled off without hesitation. Ben dropped you on the bed underneath him. Heavy breaths became soft moans that disappeared in the hot air surround you.

His lips moved to your neck where he nipped and licked at the one spot, he knew would make you squirm underneath him. You felt the bulge in his underwear against your thigh. While his hands worked his way down on your body, you cupped his dick, rubbing soft. This made him thrust in your hand.

“Fuck Y/N, so needy.” - “Promise me one thing Ben.” His brow lifted. You grinned, “ You don’t hold back tonight.” You kissed his neck. “I want all of you. I need to feel you inside me.” You whispered against his ear before sucking soft on it.

His hand moved up your leg, pushing your dress up a bit, bending one knee, he softly kissed your calf moving up to your thigh. Your back arches while your nails scratched through his hair.

Ben moved your dress even more up. Seeing your laced panties were damped. You knew how wet you already were, which made your cheeks turned red. “Can I taste you?” He asked licking his lips.

You nodded rapidly, “Words Y/N.” He said while placing his hand over your clothed core feeling the warmth of his big hands. “Yes.” you whined softy. Ben moved you panties aside with a finger and started to lick your folds apart.

“Hmm, so sweet.” He hummed against your core when he tastes you. His tongue flat against your slit, stroking up and down. Your moans make him even harder , he noticed you moving looking for more friction.

“So needy sweetheart?” He asked while taking your panties off. Ben moves his mouth over your clit while teasing you with his fingers against your wet hole. “Ben...” you moan. “Yes Birdy, talk to me. Tell me what you want.”

“More, I need to feel more of you.” You ask whining.

Ben entered a finger deep inside without warning, he felt you tightening around him. “Fuck, you feel so good,” Moving and curling his finger until he found that one soft spot inside. You moaned his name like a prayer when he touched it, adding another finger.

“Oh Ben, don’t stop, please, oh please don’t stop!!” You scream your hands pulling him closer to your clit. He hums and licks until you came down from your high. Ben cleaned his lips with the back of his hand looking at you lay there with your arm over your eyes.

Once you opened your eyes you see him still sitting between your legs, eager, wanted to take you, fill you up but waiting for your answer. “Fuck come here.” you said pulling him in top of you. Wrapping your legs around his hips. Ben took his underwear and the rest of your clothes off.

"Ready.” - “Yes.” His lips found your when he pushed inside. Even though you were soaking wet, you still felt a sting when he pushed further and further. For a second you thought he wouldn’t fit.

But when you heard the growl underneath his breath you knew he bottomed out. Making you feel so full unable to move. Ben noticed your discomfort. “You want to stop?”

“No, no just give me a second.” Ben moved barely, but the little thrust he made, made you cling on to his shoulders. He repeated that action until he heard the little hisses turn into moans. “That’s it. You’re taking me so well.” He encouraged while kissing you.

His thrust became harder and faster, making you feel oh so good. Making you buck up against him. “Oh fuck... you really like me deep inside you, don’t you doll. Let’s see how deep we can go.” He pulled your legs over his shoulders.

Giving him an angle which you felt him even better. Your head felt back while you sing his name in prayers. “Ben... don’t stop!” His breath deepened with moans and growls. “Fuck so tight. Don’t know how much longer I can hold.”

In a flash both of you came hard, Ben dropped your legs while you pulled him on top of you. Wrapping your hand in his hair and the other scratching his back.

Ben kissed your breasts before placing his head on top of them, you caressed his back, drawing patterns on his back. “That felt really good.” You smiled at his confession. “I don’t get why I waited so long.” you admitted.

Your grip tightened. “Will you stay tonight?” - “I’m not leaving you anymore.”

His lips found your skin one last time before he fell asleep.

End part 2

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What to expect in part 3: Soldier boy is born. But how will they cope with the change now they finally accepted their new relationship status?

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