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neptunes-sol-angel · 2 months

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Pick the picture(s) that you're drawn to the most, then scroll down for its corresponding message about the pov of your spirit guides and their message to you

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Pile One

I feel like your relationship with your guides is like “hide and seek”. They have an old presence in your life. Even if you are just now beginning your spiritual journey or are just now having the urge to seek out more about them and who they are, it seems as if they have always been in your life, and already have a connection or have had close contact with you. Specifically when you were a kid. Perhaps you’ve had “imaginary friends”, repetitive encounters with the same person or entity in your dreams, or have parents who recall you being distracted and smiling a lot at what appears to be mundane things as a baby. I call this hide and seek, because it’s like a lot of your occultic knowledge or experience psychic gifts were things that you’ve already learned as a child, but were conditioned to move away from for whatever reason. Your stunted relationship with your guides could appear in interests that you also had to separate from, like studying mythology, an interest in plants but also marine animals, gaming, drawing comic book characters, collecting items for yourself but stopping because someone considered that as not intellectual or important, and even crafting things yourself, regardless of how good you were at it, but because it gave you peace and happiness. Your guides see you as their family, they protect you like they are your parents, because their love for you is like having a child. They love it when you’re being silly and they love to sneak in silly things for you, to let you know that they’re here and when something is going to be ok. Maybe you use dark humor frequently as a way to cope with something that you’re struggling with or when you think about the ways that you’ve been let down in the past. You joke that way because you feel that it’s the only way to have some control in a situation that you predetermined will go down hill and be the end of you. You could talk to yourself or talk about your life in a way that is self-loathing and impeded, but your guides work and send you messages meant to bring you back up whenever you’re losing your determination to keep going. They’ll joke with you, but not in a way that encourages you to lose hope or to fail in seeing the good in yourself. It’s more like instead of showing you to laugh at yourself, you laugh at your mistakes, or you laugh at how crazy other people can be when they displace their negative inner feelings onto other people to show that it has nothing to do with who you are, what you do, or what you look like. Money is strong in this pile. This could be a message saying that you won’t have to fear about money forever and that a financial breakthrough is going to happen for you and you’re going to be financially stable doing something that you love or are currently building to support your living situation. However, mainly, I’m getting that in your spirit guides’ eyes, they’ve watched you grow up feeling less than because you didn’t grow up with a certain luxury, maybe you grew up in poverty, felt insecure about the things that seemed so easily accessible to everyone but you, or don’t know what it’s like to have a loving parent, but your guides have always seen you as a rich person and it has nothing to do with material items. They see you as brilliant, you work so hard for what you have and you’ll see the results multiply in the future, even if you struggle to find the right words for yourself–You always know what to say to others about stuff that they struggle to see within their own lives.

Pile Two

Your strongest clair could be clairaudience. If not, then it feels like you guys are good with picking up things by what people or say, or you have a strong intuition for what isn’t visible or said, but you have a poor time going forward with your intuition. When you get “right”, you tend to go left, then regret what you find out because you didn’t listen to what was initially divinely given to you. Your guides are nature beings, you can connect with them through plants but also relics or shrines. I keep getting inanimate objects, so you could have a few deities that govern planets, like moon goddesses watching over you. I feel that the connection that you have with your guides is like Yue from Avatar: The Last Airbender. You mirror each other and embody dark feminine energy. They’re gentle, ancient, and wise. People think that all spirit guides are like that, but no. Guides have personalities of their own, and not all are good. They see you as loving, maybe too loving, meaning you love without boundaries which could cause you some pain and a lot of repressed anger. You may not like to be perceived or put on a pedestal, but they do, because they truly see what’s in your heart. You just need guidance. They accept you for your good and bad traits, but it doesn’t mean they don’t lead you into improvement and learning to take accountability. You can be sweet, but you can also be bitter. They feel hurt when they see that you’re hurting, but they don’t want you to hold on to bitterness because people that harmed you will see that again and it’s not your business as to when. I will say that this isn’t to mistake them as peace and turn the other cheek, because they are not. They are wrathful behind the scenes towards people who hurt you or even think about hurting you. They’re very protective over your life, but there are some things you have to do to look after yourself since you guys are from two different worlds. This pile feels extremely hazy. They say that you are so smart, beautiful, and talented, but you have trouble seeing this and it pains them. You have potent manifesting abilities that range from making things happen yourself with your skills to knowing how to conjure with spirituality. It’s like you can create and create, but that’s still not enough for you, even when you are likely to top the latest thing you achieved. You need to learn how to rest and also be okay with yourself. There’s this habit of working and studying a lot for credentials, but still feeling less confident, leading you to give your power away to people who are boastful. This is a problem if you are psychic and are trying to find your way in spiritual communities or communicating with other spiritual people. Stop falling for words that convince you that someone knows more occultic knowledge than you or about your own personal journey and intuition. This is also a message for people to stop shying away from making content or starting a business in the occult because you fear that other people are better than you when that isn’t true, and stay away from people who influence you to think like that because they are not your friends or someone to trust.

Pile Three

You guys could have a lot of ancestral type spirits in your team and are probably reincarnations of ancestors in your past bloodline. You guys are cycle breakers and reapers of work and good karma that’s been gained in the spiritual world, meaning lots of inheritances, especially if you have passed down closed spiritual practices. This pile reminds me of the 4h-10h axis in astrology, each house rules over many different things but what sticks out that relates to this reading is the fourth house dealing with ancestors and the 10th house dealing with your public reputation. A lot of celebrities are famous because they have strong ties with their ancestors who are well respected spirits. People in this pile are destined for blazing success and fame. This can reveal itself in different professions, that could be but are not limited to, writers, actors, singers, entrepreneurship or something related to public speaking. Even though I feel practitioners and believers of spirituality in this pile, especially since this is a tarot reading, there’s a lot of skepticism here. There’s not enough trust or belief and this could be upsetting to your guides, they’re able to see things beyond your present reality which could make them patient, you could even be an impatient person, but it seems like both of you need to allow time to do its thing. Your guides see what you’re capable of, and before you are finally able to see it if you don’t already, they don’t want you to become arrogant and feel like potential is enough to back you up. They believe in putting in the work. They also see that you’re traditional even though you don’t want to be. You guys could be raised around a religion where witchcraft is shunned upon, and speaking about ancestors is discouraged which could explain the impatience. This could also be interpreted as you seeing this success but frustration over how far away it feels or how impossible it could be, and it’s like they see you as being dramatic or frantic about things that are going to inevitably work out. There was a message that I channeled for pile one and didn’t mention but I’m receiving it strongly here instead. It’s like things could be taking their time because you have to learn self-control. They don’t want you to let money and social climbing get into your head and make you forget where you come from, humility, and being in community with others. The fame and success isn’t given for you to hoard, but so that you can continue spreading the blessings to others, especially in your family.

#pick a card reading #pick a card #divination #intuitive #psychic #tarot #spirituality #pac #tarotblr #pick a pile

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arlos-warm-drpepper · 9 months

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I like the idea of Derek being a good guy, kind to the people around him, generally loved by all. Soft.

But maybe, maybe Derek is having a really shitty day when he meets Stiles. Maybe it’s the anniversary of Laura’s death, or his families death, or maybe he had a run in with Kate Argent early that morning and couldn’t get it out’ve his head.

And maybe Stiles isn’t the type to take someone’s shit. Maybe Stiles is sure he knows what kind of guy Derek is. Maybe he misjudges Derek off of the first impression, and maybe Derek is too flustered to apologize right off the bat.

Maybe when they meet for the first time, at a place where they’ll be forced to see each other in a pretty permanent arrangement, (perhaps they’re coworkers at work, or roommates in college, or something) Derek is a little bit of a grade A asshole due to his mood, and maybe Stiles remembers Jackson from highschool, and makes a promise to himself that that will not happen again, so he gives as good as he gets. Derek makes a snarky, rude comment and Stiles immediately makes one back, deciding that if he’s going to have to deal with this jerk, then he’s going to have to do it well. Maybe the next time they see each other, Derek is feeling better but isn’t sure how to start a conversation since he’s sure he’s already ruined any chance at being friendly with Stiles, so instead he just quietly tries to stay out’ve Stiles way, to make things easier and less awkward for the both of them. And maybe Stiles takes this as just more assholery, because of course the super hot guy he’s forced to be in proximity with thinks Stiles is so below him that he doesn’t even speak to him. What a dickhead. Maybe he gets so annoyed at Derek that he needs an outlet to complain to, so he starts up a conversation with one of his friends (who knows Derek as well) by going “you know Derek, right?” And before he can even start complaining they go “Derek? Obviously. Everyone knows Derek. You don’t usually meet people who are so attractive and kind and just forget about them.” And so Stiles stops, mouth agape, before clarifying “Derek Hale? Kind?” And then the other person, seemingly not sensing Stiles disbelief, start’s basically waxing poetry about how kind Derek is. They start bringing up all the good deeds Derek’s done, like how Derek donates to local charities, and volunteers at homeless shelters, and all of the other kind stuff Dereks apparently done. Maybe after awhile the shock wears off, and Stiles asks around a little more, and it seems everyone is apart of the Derek Hale fan club, and Stiles is annoyed. He doesn’t understand how everyone is so unbelievably in love with Derek when he’s such a jerk. He replays the conversation he had with Derek in his head, because maybe he missed something and Derek wasn’t actually being a jackass, but there is no other way to see it. Derek was a jerk, simple as that. He spends his days assuming that maybe everyone was just blindsided by Dereks dashing good looks to even realize what a jerk he was, up until he himself sees how good of a guy Derek is. He sees Derek buy a kid another ice cream after they dropped theirs, and then he sees Derek help an elderly woman cross the street and huffs about how fucking cliche that is. He notices the way that Derek always holds the door open for anybody he’s accompanied by, and even holds the elevator door open for Stiles himself. He still doesn’t say anything to Stiles though, and Stiles starts to wonder what he could’ve done to have the best guy in town hate him. He tries hard to come up with an explanation other than ‘I’m just an unlikable guy, I guess’ because that just seems a little too pathetic. When he draws a blank, he decides to just confront Derek himself. He walks right up to his desk (or maybe his room, if you went with the roommates option and not the coworker option) and just asks “What did I do to make you hate me?” In a tone that was meant to come out angry, but for some odd reason it comes out a little bit desperate. It makes Dereks eyes wide and he stutters out, “I- I don’t hate you.” But he doesn’t sound sure enough for Stiles, so Stiles continues on. “Really? Because it seems like you hate me. You can’t even look at me half the time, and you go to extreme efforts to ignore me. Which, fine, that would be totally fine if everyone wasn’t constantly talking about how kind you are to them. So what is it about me that makes you hate my guts? Do I talk too much? Am I too loud? Is it just my general existence or-“

“Stiles! I don’t, I didn’t..” Derek attempts, struggling to find the words. “I don’t hate you. I was just trying not to bother you.” He mumbles finally, the tips of his ears pink. It sounds silly when he says it out loud, and he realizes how badly Stiles could’ve misinterpreted the situation.

“..bother me?” Stiles said, confused and shocked.

Derek nods, hesitating to continue but pushing through anyways. “Yeah, when we met I was… I was going through something, and obviously I know that’s not an excuse to be an asshole, which is why I was trying to avoid you. I could tell you disliked me, which you have every right to with how I treated you, so I decided to just stay out of your way. Didn’t want to bother you.” Derek says, his face heating up at the admission.

A quiet “oh.” Is all Stiles can manage, and Derek just nods.

(Just so everyone knows you can steal this idea and write it better as long as you send it to me or @ me so I can read it)

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ddaz3d-and-cc0nfused · 2 months

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Hi!! I have a one shot request (I hope I’m in the right place lmao)

What about a autistic (fem)reader who is super smart and seems to notice things about the case that the others haven’t and every time she tries to state her thoughts a rude sherif cuts her off/infantilising her and Emily defends her

Honestly my brain stopped at the thought of Emily, I need more of her 😔🫶

-anon ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

autistic fem!plus size reader, wc: 517.

cw! asshole elders :/

a/n: i have had this finished but sitting in my drafts because i was too lazy to post it, but here it is! i hope that i was able to capture what you were looking for right! :] this can either be read as platonic or romantic!

You have been spoken over and shut down for the past hour, twenty minutes, and thirty seconds.

You hated being silenced, but one thing that trumps that was being infantilized. You worked hard to get where you were now, and you hated being treated like a child just because your way of thinking was different from your peers.

You have saved thousands of people and you’ll be damned if you continue to be treated like this.

“If you look closely, you can see that the area that these women were killed in must hold some kind of sentimental meaning to our unsub.” You grab the black marker and go to draw the inevitable triangle on the printed out map before you’re stopped by the sheriff.

“I beg your pardon?” You ask with furrowed eyebrows.

“Hold it now, sweetheart. Don’t just go markin’ up stuff.”

“I’m sure the area these women were killed in was just pure coincidence, so we don’t wanna risk coloring in the paper just ‘cause you think you know somethin’.” He spoke as if he knew more than you did like he was the one with the degree, his tone absolutely rolling in condescension.

“I’m sorry but –” You try to say but the old fart cuts you off. “I’m sure you are –”

“Excuse me, sheriff, but I’m afraid Special Agent _______ made a great point.” Emily was quick to come to your aide, emphasizing the words ‘Special Agent’ just to reinforce her point.

You could see it in her narrowed eyes, and everyone else’s really, that she was about done with the Sheriff’s embarrassingly large ego. You send her an appreciative – albeit shy – smile, and she gets up, her eyes trained on the map as well.

“She’s right, because if you look here,” She points to the first crime scene and motions for you to draw a mark. “And here,” Her finger trails down to the second location and you follow close behind. “And here.” Her path finally ends, and so does your black ink.

There it was, just like you had first thought, a perfect triangle connecting them all.

“The most important thing should be right –” You finish her words and color in a big circle in the middle. “Here.” Emily sends you a proud look and it threatens to weaken your knees.

“I mean… I suppose that makes sense.” The man grumbled before leaving with his tail between his legs.

“Thank you.” You say quietly. The conversation was meant to be kept between the two of you. Of course you loved and trusted everyone on your team, but Emily was your comfort person, and she made time to understand you.

“No problem,” She responds back. “Everyone was done with his shit anyway.”

“Still, thank you.” You pressed the conversation, because you don’t really think she realized the gravity of the situation, of your appreciation.

For most of your life you had never been given a voice, and having someone stick up for you and even paving the way for you to make your point known was something that no gratitude could give.

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indigochromatic · 4 days

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Some Basic Advice About EMDR for Systems

(drawing on our own experiences, reading about it, and comparing notes with our therapist)

This is mainly aimed at systems who are considering doing EMDR or planning on it, but want to know what the process is like and what to look out for, with some personal experiences sprinkled in.

Under the cut, because I talk a lot:

General Concept

I think the big picture in our experience is that EMDR is/was like…an intensifier for the kind of headspace/internal system interaction processing work that a lot of systems do naturally, at least a little, especially if they have decent internal communication. This has both upsides and downsides/areas to be cautious about.

A lot of EMDR pre-work (often called “resourcing”) is about making sure you have a good toolbox of “mental tricks/techniques” to be able to handle unexpected intense emotions, feelings, and/or imagery etc that often comes up when you get into trying to work with traumatic stuff. This is in my opinion very important, and something your therapist should take at least a few sessions to talk with you about even if you already have good tools for it already, just to make sure they know your strategies and you’re all on the same page. Also super common and normal to spend some time developing extra ones if needed—stuff like “the box” for temporarily containing crisis emotions when needed, having a mental “safe space” that you can come back to, etc. Also, EMDR specifically tends to often be a little rigid/scripted in the types of visualizations and metaphors you’re “supposed” to use, but in my opinion a good therapist should be flexible enough to adapt to equivalent images/techniques you may already have (like, “imagine you’re viewing the traumatic memory on a movie screen, or out the window of a train going through a tunnel” is a common instruction; if, say, your headspace has a lot of fantasy elements and it makes more internal sense to be viewing the memory via…scrying in a dish or something, your therapist should be down with you doing that instead, if you want to).

As for the sessions themselves, a big thing we don’t hear articulated a lot is that, in our experience and that of some other folks we know, EMDR has a tendency of being…like, sneakily intense: It doesn’t necessarily hit you all at once in the session, which may just feel like “ok, that was Some Therapy Work but I’m chill”, but then over the rest of the day and maybe even the next few days, it’s not uncommon to keep feeling a lot of emotional intensity/vulnerability, having more intense “internal conversations and/or realizations”, etc. For this reason, EMDR is generally supposed to start with a very mild memory-to-process, like 4-5 out of 10 max.

Notes of Caution and Stuff to Keep In Mind

Especially for folks who already heavily dissociate from emotional trauma, it’s super easy to think you’re “going too easy” only to find that the memory has a lot more emotional baggage than you realized—really go easy on yourself when you start, EMDR is like psychology power tools and you absolutely can hurt yourself. (We’ve heard from plenty of systems who had bad therapists who did not adequately support them in doing EMDR, and absolutely fucked them over by starting too big and retraumatizing the hell out of them— this isn’t meant as fear-mongering, especially if you really like and trust your therapist, but just genuine “hey, EMDR can be very volatile stuff, which is part of why it can be so helpful, but also means that it’s important to not skip out on the safety precautions and self-care”.) What this means in practice is often stuff like: (our recommendations at least) - trying to schedule breaks/easy days immediately after - possibly getting someone to drive you home, especially if you know you’re going after a Big Thing, because the dissociation hangover immediately after can be pretty real - start with a memory that feels "too easy", and scale up if a week later it still felt trivial/like you’re fully over it, because it’s way easier to ramp up than try to do damage control.

Our personal experience, in tl:dr form, was that it felt like the core of the technique was really useful for us, and mirrored some of the most useful instances of self-processing we’d had before while also kind of serving as a “shortcut” to it—but, it was pretty intense and we didn’t really like/fit well with the therapists who we were working with at the time, which is why we stopped (didn’t want to keep doing an emotionally intense thing with folks we didn’t trust).

Finally, a bit about EMDR and "maybe I'm plural but I'm not sure, and/or may not have great in-system communication": yeah, this is a case to be especially slow and careful, for all the aforementioned reasons; what my instinct/recommendation would be in those cases is to: 1) make sure you learn a lot of resourcing techniques 2) try to check in with yourself(s) frequently and with compassion/intent-to-collaborate, "ask the inside of your head how it's feeling" and even if you're not sure whether the "reply" was just your own thoughts or a headmate, listen and try to engage with/respect those responses and emotions 3) if you start getting warning signs/back-off signals/sudden intense feelings, listen to them and lighten up, pause the session if you need to, do some self care etc, even (especially) if you don't know why you felt that way and it seems 'odd/random', and really you're super curious about what's going on and just want to figure it out. Like...you and the inside of your head and/or other system members are trying to navigate a complicated D&D maze together, in the dark, and you each only have part of the map--so you have to work together and trust each other, especially listening to warning signals even when your "part of the map" doesn't show anything to worry about there. And the more you work together and trust each other, the better everything gets, including therapy work.

When it's "Death By A Thousand Papercuts"-type Trauma Instead

If you're not sure where to start because there aren't a lot of obvious "Big Bad Memories" that feel like they adequately explain the issues you're having, some recommendations:

-> First, note that "no Big Bad Memories are immediately coming to mind, idk" is super common in systems and also in CPTSD, way more than I think most folks realize, so know that you're not alone and also that it doesn't mean you don't necessarily have stuff deserving of help and support.

-> So yeah, there's kinda two things imo you can try. The first is, if your therapist is on the more flexible side, you can try doing EMDR with either "this specific memory wasn't too bad, but it's representative of an ongoing pattern or theme that wasn't great" (say, loneliness at school or something, and you pick a specific lunchtime memory, which wasn't really That Bad in the moment, but you were kinda sad and/or upset about it and it feels representative of the overall trend you're trying to process/heal). Or you can try just doing the EMDR process on the theme itself, at the abstract level, and see what comes up--again, I'd really recommend starting with a much lower-stakes issue/theme than you think you need, just because it's really easy to underestimate, especially for systems and other folks whose brains dissociate a lot. (And especially if you know your system has episodic amnesia--e.g. event-amnesia/blackout amnesia--as well as emotional amnesia.)

The second is, there are other "more flexible" types of similar somatic therapy techniques (brainspotting is the name of another one, and there's more I can't think of rn) that might fit better instead-- tldr, totally worth asking your therapist about the whole situation, and asking what they'd feel most qualified for/comfortable with, in my opinion. You don't need to be doing Specifically Exactly EMDR to do somatic trauma therapy, even though EMDR is one of the more well-known modalities for it, and finding a version that feels right and not like you're forcing anything is really valuable (and you're not 'being picky' if it takes a while to find one; you're allowed to want to find one that feels right).

#S.txt #system stuff #system experiences #plural system #plural community #sysblr #uhh help me out with tags here folks #this isn't just restricted to DID/OSDD systems btw it should hopefully be relevant for any systems who are in therapy and/or trauma therapy #endo safe

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genericpuff · 10 days

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Hello! I’m just here bc I’m a little confused on what you meant by Smythe drawing out “each individual asset” when she was making comics? Now, granted, I can see that it made her file ginormous, but me personally as someone who knows nothing about making online comics but is really wanting to get into it (and also as someone who has a ‘too many layers’ problem myself), is there a way to avoid using too many layers?

My current way of making comics has been to draw the panels individually and then format them (which I know is terrible management wise and also messes with the quality) but I honestly have no other idea of how to do it properly, and seeing how stunning Lore Rekindled looks, I don’t know how you would manage to put all that lighting effects and little details on the same layers. (But also I may be thinking of it wrong so I’ll let you talk qwq)

Ah I can actually give you a visual breakdown of what I meant by that!

So in this you can see there are a TON of layers, and not even all of them are visible because some of them are stuffed into FOLDERS that have been left closed. BUT if you look REEEEALLY carefully-

^^^ These layers right here? That's specifically Minthe from this panel in Episode 61:

(the unique pose here makes it real easy to tell that this is the corresponding panel, you can see the matching body shape with the dark shading that's clipped to the base layer below it!)

So what this means is that Rachel didn't draw all her characters on one base layer, she drew every single character in every single panel separately. Now of course, she could merge all these layers together as working on separate layers helps make it easier to work on elements that collide separately (like one character being 'underneath' another character like Hades is here) but because she has all of those clipping layers with the shading already added in, she likely didn't merge them afterwards because that would actually create MORE problems (because if she merged the Minthe layer in with Hades, then the shading for Minthe that she painted outside of the lines would show up on Hades and then she'd have to erase it which is just a bunch of extra work).

You can also tell all these characters are on their own layer because the layer thumbnail EXCLUSIVELY shows those characters. A layer will show as much canvas length as it needs to cover what's in that layer, so if the thumbnail is only showing one character, that means there's NOTHING ELSE on that layer. If there were more elements on this layer than just Minthe, the layer thumbnail would look more like this:

Now let's compare it to Rekindled's layers! I'll use a completed page to make it fair as we use a lot of extra layers in the post-production phase where we add the texture effects and glow and all that fun stuff, plus I'll even make it a more complicated page like that big nymph explanation spread from Episode 51:

So I'll break it down to make this make more sense:

BG 2 Copy (technically this is supposed to be BG 1) - Basically the panel shapes, what I'll do is mark out the panels with flat blocks and through that we'll add background elements in a clipping layer (usually done by Banshriek). Often times they'll do multiple layers to make the process easier and then merge them all together in the end. With these shapes operating as panels, it means I can just auto select the whole layer, invert the selection, and easily erase whatever's outside of it (such as the lineart and base colors that I put down afterwards). I could just use masking layers like I did in [AFTERBIRTH] but I find this way works better for the process of making Rekindled.

BG 2 - This is where we add objects / foreground elements. So stuff like furniture, interactables, anything that needs to be kept separate from the larger background to make it easier to work with. This can also include "floating" panels that need to be above other panels, such as this:

All of the backgrounds are then nested in a folder for organization purposes (we also sometimes use clipping layers on top of those folders to apply extra effects over anything contained within that folder without affecting other folders, that's a common technique that Banshriek applies)

Then we get into our Characters folder:

BASE - This is where I do the majority of my work, all the characters in every panel on a page are flatted into this layer. Sometimes I do have to create separate layers to, again, make it easier to work with overlapping characters, but usually those layers will be merged before I go into the shading process. I simply shade on a single layer by using the lasso / magic wand tool to select my area for painting, the flat colors make it really easy to do that. Sometimes I need to create a secondary shading layer if I've put down dark colors that start to bleed into the lighter colors, but again, I merge when I'm done into a single shading layer. We also sometimes employ an Add (Glow) layer into the clipping set if we need a glow effect that's exclusive to the characters and doesn't travel outside of their base colors.

There's a (leaves) layer here that I used for the dryad because I needed the leaves to be above the base layer, after that I selected the leaves elements so that I could erase the lineart in the layer above it where needed.

LINEART - It's lineart, enough said haha That said, I do think Rachel actually uses clipping layers for her lineart in places, it seems to be visible in some of her process videos where you can see the lineart present in a clipping layer, and that would explain why there are panels where the lineart suddenly 'cuts off' and doesn't travel outside of the base layer, like so:

GLOW - This is where we do an Add (Glow) layer that isn't restricted to the base layer, it's where we add all the fun lil' glow and sparkle effects over the characters !

The CLOUDS layer is, like the leaves, a background element that needs to be above the base layers rather than constricted to the background.

Above the Characters folder you can see what I mentioned earlier where Banshriek has added more post-production effects that are exclusively clipped to the contents of the Characters folder. This means the effects / blend modes do NOT affect the background layers or anything above it.

The BLUR (Overlay) layer is something we just started doing over the past several episodes, it's a technique I actually picked up from 66 of City of Blank where I merge all the layers into a new visible layer which I then apply a Gaussian Blur to at around 60% and then set to Overlay (and then I adjust the layer opacity until it looks right, usually around 25-35%), it gives it a bit of a softer "dreamier" vibe in the final colors and really helps unify everything!

CANVAS - This is an Overlay layer which is also set to an opacity of 25-35% where I go over the panels with the Add Canvas brush from the Kyle Webster set, unlike the Canvas overlay texture in CSP I can actually choose the colors I want to use which means I can match the canvas texture color to the mood and environment of the scene (ex. I'll use a very light blue for scenes in the Underworld). Not only does it give it that signature texture from S1 of LO, but it also helps balance out the effects of the BLUR layer.

The SKETCH layer sits on top of everything and gets turned off once all the base layers and lineart are down, and ofc the SPEECH folder is just where all the text is kept.

I know everything I just laid out is a LOT but ultimately it's how we operate, it works for us! But it also begs the question of why Rachel operates the way she does because a lot of it seems extremely unnecessary and more likely to bite her in the ass (the more layers there are, the bigger your file size gets, the risk of drawing on the wrong layer increases as well as the risk of posting a panel that's missing elements because the layer was left turned off by mistake, etc.) And it's more so concerning with how she operates with her assistants because if she's still using this many layers when collaborating with other people, hooo boy. Though based on what I've observed of what her assistants contribute, I get a lot more of the sense that she circumvents this by having the artists do the flats separately and then importing them in as separate assets that she then just imports into the page and places them where they need to be. Still not a great workflow IMO because it's what's led to a lot of the issues of characters "floating" rather than feeling like they're actually in the environment-

-but that's still an issue that could be solved by Rachel just taking more time to actually flesh out the backgrounds and lighting to give more of an impression of the characters actually existing in the space. Like that Hestia panel could easily be fixed by just giving the background a bit more detail and putting actual shading underneath her (and lighting from whatever direction it's coming from).

Either way, regardless of whether or not Rachel's process is productive or not, I hope that breakdown helps explain how we do it in Rekindled! Learning how to manage layers is definitely a skill that can be tricky to harness, but once it "clicks" there's a lot you can get away with. Ultimately how you do it is up to you, but my best piece of advice to offer is to just be open to other types of workflows because you don't know how much you might be shooting yourself in the foot doing things the hard way when there are often way easier and more efficient ways to get the same job done. That's basically the vibe I get from observing Rachel's workflow, it seems like she's still using methods that she thinks are working for her (and probably did work just fine for her when it was JUST her) but could be vastly improved for her and her team if she'd just get over the initial hump of stepping outside of her comfort zone. Would probably make for a better comic too LOL

I hope that helps! Good luck! ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

#ask me anything #ama #anon ama #anon ask me anything #lore olympus critical #anti lore olympus #lo critical #lore rekindled #webcomic advice

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laithraihan · 9 days

Note

now i’m kinda curious to hear what you think of proshipping.. if you don’t mind of course

I'll share my thoughts, and if theres anything I say that doesnt make sense feel free to point it out to me because I mostly write with the help of a translator. Under the cut because I wrote too much stuff.

TLDR: proshippers hate me because I dont want to look at glorified depictions of pedophilia/incest/etc, antis hate me because my content isnt 100% sanitized. I stay around anti circles because I find it slightly easier for me to talk about my headcanons with them even though I think they can be insufferable.

So the thing about proshipping. From what I've seen it means being "anti-harassment" and being in support of curating your online experience, which sounds great on paper and that's practically what I do. I have over 3k accounts blocked on my personal twitter to navigate the website more easily and I also dont care if someone blocks me if they dont like my stuff.

Except proshippers never consider me a proshipper because I am uncomfortable with viewing glorified depictions of topics like pedophilia, incest, rape, all that stuff. The same way people are uncomfortable with excessive blood and gore (which I also can't really handle seeing). Whether or not it's always easy to tell if it's glorified is an entirely different topic, which is precisely why I stay away from all depictions in general to avoid being intrusive.

And what's interesting is that I do not label myself an "anti". Mainly because I don't even know what the term "anti" is supposed to mean ("anti-" what exactly. Genuinely please tell me because I actually dont know) But the ones who label themselves "proship" always call me an anti, because again I do not wish to engage with content related to pedophilia etc, and that alone apparently enough to be considered "a person who harasses others over fiction" even if I mind my own business and have no interest in forcing my personal tastes on others, especially if they make it clear that they wont change their mind. Which makes me believe that for a lot of self-identified proshippers, the definition of being "proship" would be more similar to "I love fucked up stuff and if you dont then youre lame and it obviously means you can't tell the difference between fiction and reality" which honestly seems like insecurity to me.

Forgive me for bringing up this up once again but I want to mention an example to make it easier for me to explain: yknow the whole thing with me drawing Minori and Reigen and labelling it "non-cp" which caused a wave of both self-identified antis and proshippers harassing me over that (I'll say that proshippers were more bold about it since the antis harassing me were all anonymous). Proshippers saw me saying "I dont ship that" and interpreted it as me being defensive and in denial, as if I said "guys I swear Im an anti !!! please dont think im a proshipper !!! ", when I meant "I dont want to discuss this with others in a shipping manner because thats not how I see it and I dont want to enter a space Im not comfortable with"

I admit I responded to this situation in a petty manner, but this was after several days of harassment done directly in my inbox and publicly (sometimes I wish yall remembered that group chats and priv accounts exist). My point is that simply saying you don't like seeing pedophilia in fiction is enough for proshippers to believe it's justified for them to harass you over it (and I'm fully aware they'll say it's not harassment, only when antis and "puriteens" do this to them then it's harassment)

Now about the anti side. Don't get me started on them either. If proshippers see me as an enemy then this must mean that I always get along with the ones who call themselves "antis" (I do not). Note that Im only talking about adults here, I dislike beefing with children and I think their feelings about this are entirely reasonable (I'll elaborate on this when talking about internet safety)

But anyways. I think a lot of adults are discourse-brained and do way too much. Im thinking of nonsense like "this ship is problematic because they are 'sibling-coded' so thats basically incest" "siblings giving each other a hug gives me proship vibes" things of that nature. And you're not allowed to do anything that even has the smallest possibility of being interpreted as "problematic", because then they'll harass you for it, and if you clarify your intentions, they expect you to apologize for "misleading" them because clearly they didnt do anything wrong by making assumptions about you.

There's almost no room allowed for creativity with them, everyone has to follow fanon because they consider it canon, if you ever want to try something other than the same boring domestic fluff then it's "too much" (and not even platonic affection is acceptable to draw in certain cases). Which is incredibly fucking boring to me who wants to see different types of content. People even said I was enjoying incest for drawing Reigen selfcest, and that I was "making others uncomfortable" by drawing it. Genuinely seems to me that they only care about moral superiority, that they never think about anything in depth, and I dont think they realize that it also shows in what they create: boring and repeated fanart and headcanons where the only thing you can say about it is "thats cute", nothing more because you saw it ten billion times already. You cant draw two people showing platonic affection that absolutely nobody would bat an eye if it happened in real life, you cant discuss something specific in more depth without people saying you have a fetish for it, and then they'll harass you based on their speculation that it's a fetish. I dont think many realize this, but fandoms are full of autistic people, so it's normal to see people who are interested in very specific things that dont make sense to others! I wish people were less judgmental, but at the same time I dont care if people think Im weird. I think what I mean is theres no reason to mistreat weird people who do no harm to others.

So yeah if you call yourself an "anti" I'll assume youre spend too much time engaging in fandom discourse and you're the type of person to believe that fanart where two people are holding hands is the equivalent to drawing them fucking each other. Which I think is a very childish mindset to have and it's worrying that many adults think this way. I also think that as an adult they should be capable of blocking stuff they hate instead of constantly arguing with people online because at this point it's just mental torture.

The thing about internet safety I mentioned earlier, I'd say this is the one thing that I'll always prioritize discussing whenever proship discourse comes up.... To put it simply: filter and limit the visibility of your content, do not put triggering stuff in the main tags, stay in your own circles. Whether or not you believe fictional rape/pedophilia/etc is bad is irrelevant, my point is that these are objectively triggering topics and should be filtered just like how there are warnings for violence and blood even if it's not real.

"But it's the parents' responsibility to control what kids look at online, this has nothing to do with me!" and I agree with the parents being the ones Primarily responsible. However the reality is that children are online and there's nothing you can do to stop it from happening. Kids will also enter spaces theyre not allowed in, theyre children and children are rebellious especially teenagers, I was like this as a teenager too. You'd be lying if you said you were always obedient since childhood and never did anything you were told Not to do. And you can't really expect teenagers to always block and not interact if they see something triggering. It's your responsibility to block them if they interact with you, because what I see most of the time is adults bickering with teenagers who are uncomfortable, calling them "puriteens", putting them on blast and allowing other adults including NSFW accounts to dunk on them.

Humiliating and degrading teenagers does not "teach them a lesson", it only makes the teenager more stubborn and reactive. Adults must accept that kids will always find their way in there even if your content isnt easily accessible. So I think it's stupid to feel offended at a child because they got upset when they found upsetting content like how any normal child would react. Which is why I wish more adults would keep blocking without saying anything petty to provoke teenagers.

Before someone pancake-waffles me and says "so youre fine with antis doxxing people" no I do not support doxxing. Ive been doxxed so I know it sucks. However the only times Ive seen it go this far is after continuous arguing because nobody knows when to stop. Im not saying this applies all the time nor am I saying doxxing is fine, but there are ways to minimize this sort of outcome as much as possible. Both sides have doxxed people over petty arguments that couldve easily been avoided if they just blocked each other and moved on.

The topic above (internet safety) is probably the only thing related to this where Im actively telling others what they should be doing. It's not only teenagers who are triggered by depictions of pedophilia etc but also adults like myself. In my case Im old enough to block content I dislike without saying a word, however I cant help but think that there's not enough being done about filtering especially when I do not search for this type of content and I still see it all the time.

I also think it's important for me to mention that I have a very poor sense of morality. I do not have a personal moral code that I adhere to, and I mostly stick to the basic universal ones that make sense to me. So I will not discuss the "morals" of consuming this stuff because I am not adequate to share an opinion on this, and I know the most popular topic of discussion related to proship discourse is morality which I frankly find counterproductive. I dont understand why people should care so much if I find something morally correct or not, unless it's to make themselves feel better about having a "superior opinion" to mine. Though I will say that if a man tells me he's into rape "but only in fiction!" then I dont think it will stop me of imagining myself bashing his skull repeatedly with large rocks. Maybe Im too mistrustful of men in general.

Final point I want to clarify is that I am not trying to assert some sort of superiority over people by disliking both sides, like saying "Im not an anti or a proshipper Im a Normal person" or something like that, and Im not expressing a "neutral" stance on the topic of fiction's influence on reality either. There are topics like racism and orientalism in fiction that Im vocal about (which is expected since Im Algerian). I genuinely believe there are many things that are interesting to discuss and should be prioritized, but too many people are chronically online, subjective and defensive, at this point I dont even think it's accurate to say that disliking one side automatically means you support the other side regarding fiction. To me, "proship discourse" is not about the debate of the effects of fiction on reality, censorship in media, etc. It's about everything I described earlier that happens online.

#asks #hopefully this doesnt start anything bad

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meraki-yao · 3 months

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Now I'm curious to know all the "candies" between Nick and Tay 👀 lol I don't ship them but I also find it interesting that some fans really ship real people together and gather evidence or proof of it. If its fine with you to share it pls do 🙏 but if not its also fine :)

Huh...

Actually, sure! I kinda wanted to share some of these at times but again I understand that rps is a complicated subject.

A couple of quick prefaces though:

1, If you’re uncomfortable with the subject, again, please don’t read under the post

2, I don’t have all the candies because I really just view them in passing, so I’m just gonna write/translate the ones I’ve seen, remember and find at least a logical speculation

3, I need to reiterate this in case my position in this gets misunderstood: Me writing about “candies” isn’t because these are MY opinion or things *I* found or *I* believe in them being evidence. I am just a translator and messenger.

4, (this one is gonna sound a little academic lol) Two things I realized when thinking about this “candy eating” culture is that Chinese people have a very difference understanding of platonic/romantic affection/relationships with the Western world, and that they look at the candies with rose-tinted glass. Chinese/Asian people are generally a lot less affectionate with their personal relationships, for example friends wouldn’t say “love you” to each other if they’re just friends, nor would they expand their friend group to the others easily or other stuff. And these people who look for candy go into their “investigation” already with the belief that “they are together”, everything remotely resembling a close relationship will automatically be interpreted as romantic. I thought about it a lot, and honestly among the “candies” I’ve seen, most of them are a matter of interpretation: yes those are things couples will do, but it wouldn’t be weird if friends did it too. So they’re not that seriously or up for further speculation. There is I think only one “candy” that I can’t quite say the same, which I will explain and elaborate on in this post.

5, Please remember that the people who do this do it in good nature: something I didn’t make clear in my post yesterday, which is on me, is that the fans do want them to be together, but they’re not like… yandere level or something. If they’re just friends the fans won’t be upset or betrayed or anything, they just prefer to see them as romantic. They don’t mean any harm, and they don’t cause any harm because China is physically and digitally too far away for them to actually fuck shit up, and they understand the lines of parasocial relationships: those who met with Taylor during his China trip in December know to, and didn’t bring up this in front of him. They know where to draw the line, and whoever doesn’t and starts becoming a problem gets kicked out of the community. This is meant for fun.

6, Ok Future Meraki here, turns out, there’s a lot to translate, a lot more than I anticipated Jesus Christ and I do want to get this post how within today and make it a reasonable length, so I’m just gonna do two events and the one that I mentioned in 4. If yall want a part 2 let me know.

Ok with that being said, the main event under the cut:

In December they made a whole article about “candies” from December, and to quickly summarise (again noted that all of this is speculation, I didn’t and can’t fact check them, and I’m just a translator) (also this ended up way longer than I anticipated so for photo reference if you can please go to the link of the original article):

Academy Gala:

Nick and Taylor both attended the gala: Since the strike ended up to that point, the two times Nick attends a public event, Taylor’s there too (GQ men of the year and Academy Gala), and for both times he’s wearing Cartier’s Tank Must Watch (remember this watch, I’m gonna elaborate on it later because it is the only candy that even I can’t say it’s a matter of interpretation)

In various pictures of the night’s party that other people took, the boys can be seen together in the background

How the photography worked that night was magazine photographers wandered around the venue and randomly found people to take some relatively candid photos: so people who were walking/sitting/in any way sticking together would be photographed together. So best friends and married couples would be photographed together, which is what happened to Meryl Streep, Greta Gerwig, Saoirse Ronan, and Christopher Nolan, Cillian Murphy and their wives. With that logic, Taylor and Nick were caught by the photographer together TWICE, in clearly different places. Later Korean fans (with the same “candy-searching” mindset) read the time on Taylor’s watch in the photos: one was 8:30, one was 9:50. The implication is that they were together for at least that period of time (nearly 1.5 hours)

In both photos of the boys together, Nick’s elbow is…straight up leaning into Taylor's chest. In a photo with Kaia, Nick’s friend and co-star from Bottoms (Brittany), there’s visible space between Nick and Kaia but none between Nick and Taylor (… okay I’m gonna pop in with my own opinion on the latter one real quick: I really think that one is just Nick being a gentleman)

During that night, Taylor re-posted an Instagram post from July onto Little Red Book: but the things is in the comment section of the original Instagram post, Taylor teasingly pretends to not know Nick; and according to the posting time and the time calculated in 3, Nick would have been watching him post that to Little Red Book.

Nick got a photo with Taylor’s friend Jay Ellis (Jay and Taylor follow each other on Instagram, and Taylor comments under Jay’s post), even though Nick and Jay don’t seem to have any direct connections. Kaia and Taylor started following each other on Instagram after the event.

While other people who got photos with Taylor posted them, in Taylor’s Instagram Post for the night: He only included his photo with Nick, the rest are all solo portraits of himself. Not only that: he edited the background of the photo so it’s just them, and proceeded to put the photo in the middle of the post.

a bunch of Taylor's good friends, including Taylor’s cousin went to like Nick’s post for the academy gala night. Taylor’s sister Ash shared Taylor’s post to her stories: 2 photos of Taylor himself, and the one photo of Taylor and Nick. Taylor mentioned in a past interview if he had any emotional or relationship (I don’t know which one is the right translation, the original wording is 感情) issues, he would talk to Ash. (please note that I didn’t not and don’t know how to fact-check any of the things mentioned above except for Ash’s Instagram)

Conclusion/ Speculation (okay the academy gala part alone took me 40 minutes what the fuck): I cannot reiterate this enough: THIS IS JUST SPECULATION DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY but under the assumption that Taylor and Nick are a thing, the serious of shenanigans that happened that night, especially with the family and friends stuff in 6,7,8, was interpreted as they announcing it to their personal social circle. AGAIN THIS IS SPECUALTION DON’T TAKE THIS SERIOSULY

Taylor’s China Trip

On 7th December, Taylor had a photo shoot at the GQ gala venue, but spent the rest of the afternoon taking photos and signing things for fans. Among those, one was the photo of him and Nick from the academy gala just three days ago. He was visibly extra happy and showed off the photo to the crowd, unlike the other photos which he simply gets it, signs it, and then gives it back.

This day was also the start of “Taylor giving Nick/Henry a moustache”: throughout the trip, he drew on four photos of the two of them

(This one is a … really big stretch) among the four, one of them was the GQ magazine shoot, and he first drew the moustache on Nick’s face, giggling “I’ll sign on Nick’s face”, signed his own signature, then just when he was about to give the magazine back he suddenly changed his mind and said “wait wait I wanna do something on my face”, and then drew a crown on his head while muttering “crown prince”. And the thing is… historically, George Villers had a moustache. And then he drew a moustache on Nick and a crown on himself. Also, one of the most popular Chinese RWRB fic on AO3 is called “The King’s Palace”, and the premise is putting Henry in George place as the social climber and the Duke of Buckingham (it is literally George’s character with blonde hair and a different name), and Alex as the crown prince who ascended to the throne and is also utterly infatuated with Henry. So… yeah.

When he drew the fourth photo, which was the piano scene, the fan who asked said “Oh you’re so nice to Nick!” and according to their description (there’s no video), Taylor blushed a little and said “yeaahhhhh” with a big grin

While Taylor was in China people were stirring shit up on Twitter about him, and during the Twitter drama, Nick liked Taylor’s Academy Gala post.

The boys liked the same video on Instagram but from different accounts (a video about a pony in the snow)

During the trip, Taylor was seen wearing a white button-up with blue stripes. Nick has been seen wearing a shirt that looks identical before.

Cartier Watch (aka the one that makes me do a double take)

Taylor used to wear a lot of Cartier watches until he started wearing Tagheuer last July due to a commercial partnership

Nick likes wearing Omega watches. In fact, Henry’s watch in the movie is Nick’s own omega watch. He also has a commercial partnership with Omega.

But then starting last year, both of them were seen wearing matching Cartier’s Tank Must Watches (the silver on with a black surface and a sapphire crown): Taylor can be seen wearing it in the 5th photos of his September post, while Nick can be seen wearing it during the GQ gala, the Academy Gala, in Milan during fan interactions, and last weekend in his TIOY co-star’s Instagram story.

And the thing about this watch is (and here is where I need to reiterate that I’m just translating, I didn’t fact check this) 1, watch is a typical thing to give a lover, and you must be familiar with their wrist size 2, Cartier is a pretty romantic brand 3, the price of this watch is closer to what Taylor’s used to wearing but much cheaper than Omega 4, This specific watch is a popular watch to give a partner/lover, 5, David and Victoria Beckham’s relationship was discovered because paparazzi saw the Cartier watch he gave her and connected dots together

Jesus Christ at this point I should consider getting a part time job in translation

This was fun but this took me so much time, it’s ~2000 words long

Again, all of this was found and speculate for fun, and mean no ill will, and haven’t, and won’t harm the boys, please understand that and don’t take this took seriously. If you find this interesting and want a part two, let me know.

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #taylor zakhar perez #nicholas galitzine #alex claremont diaz #henry hanover stuart fox #henry fox mountchristen windsor #firstprince #taynick #meraki essay #meraki translates #i genuinely like doing this but they tend to take so much energy out of me #it's fucking 1 30 AM i need to go to sleep #Anon ask #Answered

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punkitt-is-here · 10 months

Note

Hey uh you seem cool and I’m sure you mean well but. You might want to watch this video bc some stuff w/ the shrudler is. Uhh. Not great.

https://www.tumblr.com/a-little-revolution/718626820182982656

I do genuinely completely understand where you're coming from with this, but I'll say a couple things; the Schrudler is not meant to represent the dwarf/little person population, he's not meant to be someone with dwarfism at all. If I were to draw the Susan Taxpayer characters as IRL people, he would not be a little person, he would just be a particularly short man. Secondly, he's not the only character with those proportions in the Susan Taxpayer universe, so he's not meant to represent all folks with those proportions anyway. I understand that the link between physical features and morality is very annoying and a consistent problem in media, so please understand that he wasn't designed with this in mind nor are all the very-short-folks in the game "evil", he just happens to be a short man who is also a dick. The ability of Susan to pick him up and throw him is not a reference to any sort of dwarf-throwing sport (which is very bizarre and unjust, having just heard about it) but is instead a throwback to Mad Scienstein, or Arewo Shitain-hakase in Wario Land 4, who is an archeologist whom you pick up and throw to solve puzzles. In Wario Land 4, he takes on this role to show that Wario is kind of a dick to others to get what he wants, and he's shaped this way likely so that the player has to be precise considering he's a 1x1 block and not a 2x2 one like other throwables in-game.

The Schrudler's in-game design is that way so that he works better proportionally for this reference and so that he also more resembles the items the players pick up in-game (roughly 32x32px for the most part).

I understand your concern that this might seem to be an issue with the character, but I'm going to stick with him and his design intentions with consideration of what I've previously stated in mind. I hope this helps quell some of those feelings, and if not, I do apologize!!

#my posts #asks #anon #susan taxpayer

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writefinch · 1 year

Text

Communion

(cn: piss, foot stuff)

It clicked for me about a month ago, years after it had become apparent to the people who knew me, but I'm not short-sighted and self-pitying enough to think that meant I'd wasted time or could've made the leap sooner. If I was less kind to myself I'd say 'boy, I had the maps and I knew the landmarks so how'd I end up in the wilderness so long' but I was sailing through fog, and you know what? When I saw that landmass looming in the distance, I sailed towards it.

I didn't know totally what it meant, still don't in fact. Last year I joked about being a cis boy dyke, and since then I've struck the 'cis' and I'm shaky on the 'boy' and the part that was a joke was the truest thing of all. Am I a boy? Maybe. A woman? I don't think so. A man? I truly fucking hope not. A good girl? Put a collar on me and we'll see.

The thing about fog is that you can't just step back and get a big picture view of everything. My instincts tell me that if I want to figure things out I should look at them at a remove, see where it fits into everything around it, map things out and move forward cautiously. That's what I want to do, it's what I've always done, but fog makes it impossible. You have to get in close if you want to see things, you can't keep it at a distance.

I couldn't move ahead and start hormones right away, not for a few months, for reasons I won't get into here. Delays don't sit well with me brain because I know my brain and I don't trust it, I don't trust it not to treat this like some other big rewarding involving project like learning Polish or playing Go, decide we're too busy and it's too scary and shove the whole thing into a mental oubliette to never see the light of day again. Sure, my friends call me Charlotte now and I've got she/her next to my Discord username, but I wanted something stronger, I wanted something that would cut into me.

I can't remember the name of the first trans woman I knew as a person, rather than as a punchline to a cruel joke. It was on Tumblr and it must have been after 2015 because I remember she had an Undyne avatar, but maybe not, because surely Violet, the "boy" I'd been practically engaged to, had come out as trans at that point? Surely I knew Skeeter, that poor, vicious mess of a girl well enough by then? It must have been earlier than that, the ponies had turned me queer by 2013 at the latest.

No, no, the Undyne-avatar lady was the first time I saw someone I knew be openly *Marxist-Leninist*, she was just also trans.

Anyway I don't know what it was, but even though I was rock-solid confident in being cis and a guy (a guy or a dude, it never bought me any joy to think of myself as a 'man'), something about trans women just really stuck with me. I found their stories compelling, I found their experiences interesting and oddly relatable, though I didn't suffer dysphoria as I thought they described it. I made friends with some trans girls, some of my friends became trans girls, and suddenly most of my friends were trans girls. I burned at injustices done to them, I bought hormones for friends, donated to trans street medic projects, helped newly-cracked eggs get in touch with DIY medding sources, y'know, normal cis ally stuff.

Recently, I realized that I loved trans women. I fucking love them so much. I fucking love all of the varied and fractious transfemme communities that have allowed me to be a part of them, as nothing more than a cis guy who draws a lot of porn. I'm not going to say anything about Blahaj and Bridget and pink coding socks because I know the girl who fucking hates that silly terminally-online stereotype and I know the girl who *is* that silly terminally online stereotype and I love them both and love so many trans girls in all their aspects between and beyond those boundaries. I have never found myself so close to any group of people, so filled with admiration and wonder and love and lust for them, so overjoyed by their trust and friendship and confidence in me, so blessed to call myself a friend and contemporary, as I have of the trans women in my life.

I had accepted some time ago, with no pain and more than a little pride, that I would admire them but be apart from them, that my place would be as a welcome guest, that I would be among them but not one of them, and--

A crack has opened within me to let the light seep in.

I'm one of them. I really am one of them, they're mine and I am theirs and I never want to let this go, this revelation is a gift that I'm barely beginning to comprehend and I can't bear the thought that I might let it pass me by and slouch back into darkness.

So, I would bring a change upon myself, in a way that was small but could not be un-changed, a vow that could not be forgotten, only consciously recanted.

I cut out a lot of the idea before I brought it up, mostly out of time and expedience. I thought of a prayer to Inanna, but that felt like a clumsy thing to rush, and I decided I'd make a shrine to her only once I had the wisdom to pay Her proper respects. I liked the idea of getting caned or whipped in a purifying way first, but that felt too much like regular kink, just inspiration for another drawing. The idea of doing the ritual under psychedelics intrigued me but, well, I've never done anything but amphetamines and poppers before, and I didn't want to dull the experience of either the ritual or the drugs by combining the two under my own inexperience - though, I did include poppers.

Alice, Emily and Lily - not their real names but you get the picture - were very good about it. They told me it was a cute idea, and we met up at Emily's ground-floor studio flat on Sunday night. We'd have been playing board games anyway, and they even seemed a little excited by the idea, even if they weren't buzzing from anticipation like me.

I'd only worn the clothes once since I'd bought them - black tights, a knee-length straight skirt, a black blouse - but my heart didn't pound like that the first time I put them on. I shaved my face upwards and against the grain, my skin still annoyingly stubble-grey, but that would show much less in the candlelight.

When I stepped out of Emily's bathroom the girls had already set things up, candles and all. They were sitting on chairs in a semi-circle, backlit by flickering orange candlelight. As I approached they got stage giggles; I did too, it felt infectious.

Once the giggles had cleared, Alice, in the middle, asked me to state my name and purpose.

'My name is Sophie, and I am here to recieve communion.'

'Very well,' said Alice, and pointed to a spot between their chairs marked in white tape. I knelt there, a bowl of water to one side and a small bag at the other.

I turned to Lily, bowed my head, and asked her if I could wash her feet. She nodded, and I took the bowl and wash cloth and gently cleaned her feet with warm water. Once they were clean and free of sweat and sock lint, I bent down to dry them with my hair. She nodded her approval, and I asked Emily if I could do the same for her. Likewise I cleaned her feet and likewise dried them with my hair. Alice did not get her feet out, for me nor anyone, and instead allowed me to lick her shiny black boots, which only had the faintest hint of grit to them.

Once I had performed the ablutions, the girls daubed me. Alice held my jaw firm in one hand as she applied mascara to each of my lashes with the other, Emily let me rest my chin on her fingertip as she painted my lips a vibrant red, and Lily stroked my hair as she marked my cheeks with blush. They cooed and called me pretty, and Lily's blush felt superfluous.

I presented each of them with a gift: An Adventure Time tarot deck for Lily, a sharpening stone for Emily, a guide to mushrooms for Alice. They accepted the gifts, and gave me gifts in return: a simple black choker from Lily, a bottle of amyl nitrite from Emily, a stack of trans zines from Alice. My voice cracked a little as I thanked them, and cracked a little more after they watched me take a few long, heady hits from the poppers bottle.

Alice asked me if I was ready to recieve communion; I begged her, please, yes.

She took a blister pack of 2mg estradiol and popped out a single blue pill. I knelt and looked up at her, eyes open, heart thumping, mouth wide.

She placed the tiny pill on my tongue and said, 'Sophie, this bread is your flesh, which is given to you.'

Then, she stood up, unzipped her jeans, pulled her limp cock out of her underwear and pushed it between my lips, which I wrapped tight around it.

'Sophie, this wine is your blood, drink this in rememberance of yourself.'

It took her a moment to start pissing, and her urine immediately washed the pill down my throat. It tasted fucking disgusting, almost as salty as seawater with that weird, almost chemical aftertaste. It turned my stomach, and I felt euphoric as I sucked it down.

After that they praised me and called me a girl and a faggot and a whore, and I kept sucking Alice's cock until Emily wanted a blowjob too, and from there it turned into regular lesbian sex, Lily's chastity cage clinking fruitlessly against mine as Emily went around biting us both and Alice had me lick her armpit clean of sweat, fingering and kissing and pinching until we all got tired enough to start watching movies in Emily's bed.

I got up and fetched drinks and sandwiches for everyone and something happened between aftercare, the aftermath of a religious service, and an after-action report. They all kept calling me a pretty girl, which I *really* liked, and Alice asked me how the whole thing had turned out, if I felt anything had changed, and I had to eat two salami and cucumber sandwiches before I could figure out my answer.

Something had changed, but the change had happened months ago, and it had taken communion for me to see it. It didn't clear up my questions or reveal hidden knowledge, I don't know if I'm a she/her boy or a he/him girl, I don't know if I'm actually a woman or just not at all a man, I don't know if this is a thing I've become or if I've been this all along and it's taken this long to discover it. I don't even know if I've really settled on Sophie.

All I got from communion, from this sacred connection of love and knowledge from other trans girls to me, was surety in the things I already kinda knew:

I'm transgender as fuck and I'm a big fucking dyke.

#stories

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queenimmadolla · 1 year

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Ok not to kick this up again, but a few of the people that rbed your post/ask answer about how it’s not just about the art/fics white people create, but also poc artists need to step up and draw poc people, are white people/white artists and i really can’t help but feel some type of way about it. Esp bc they didn’t like or rb your other posts speaking up about racism FROM white creators in this fandom AND some had also recently supported a friend of theirs that had attacked a poc person after they pointed out how white centric this fandom is. This is the type of coded behavior in this fandom that makes me so uncomfortable. I see what people support and don’t support. Like ma’am you won’t rb posts about racism and inclusion that’s addressing the white people like yourself but you’ll rb a post saying poc people in this fandom need to do better to make it inclusive? I see you. And this isn’t at ALL about what you said, I understand your point entirely, it’s about THEM and how they move.

What you said does have validity to it and I think itss something that should be addressed, though I am gonna hit more on things I’ve noticed, because there’s a lot that goes on behind the scenes. As in interactions with my account people think I don’t see because they try to undo it quickly or hope I don’t notice.

Also, if you’re referring to the stuff that happened the week before last, it was amongst two POCs. Both are people of color which is why I stressed in my previous heavy hitter that we have to try understanding each others’—once again talking about within the POC demographic—viewpoints and where we’re coming from because it was a misunderstanding that seemed to spiral. Most of it occurred when I was not active on tumblr, so I can’t say much about it, but I do think that needs to be cleared up, because it wasn’t a white creator attacking a POC person. Misunderstanding. I’m not ignorant enough to say all POCs get along in the world, but people seemed to think it was a white person vs POC and that’s not the case. Onto the rest of it:

I noticed a couple people liking and then unliking my posts about the racial issues, though my last post received more engagement. I’m happy my point was made, because it is a serious issue within the POC community but so is the blatant racism and ignorance (as in actively ignoring it) when I talk about white creators purposely excluding people of color, and this is obviously not just amongst POCs.

It didn’t get a lot of reblogs or traction, but it got more than those other posts (this one will also follow in the lack of interaction), and POC readers see that. We see everyone agreeing with that point, being like YES!! POCs need to be more involved if they want representation, preach!! and then we see even more people being like OOP, she’s talking about white creators needing to not exclude people of color? Let me pretend I didn’t see it, scrolllll. Or even unfollow (which yes, I notice)💀

if you can reblog me saying not to hate on artists for drawing themselves in their fanart as the race they are, then you can easily reblog me telling white creators not to intentionally leave POC out of something that is meant to be a Reader (as in ANYONE reading it, including people of color) insert. same applies to other white creators who speak up about it, I notice their other posts get interacted with a lot more than the one in which they speak about the issue. and clearly, I’m not the only one who notices. it’s telling.

I’m not implicating everyone who reblogged that post, I’m aware some of you didn’t even follow me until then and some of you did reblog my other posts and some of you simply agreed with my point right then (I’m talking to the POCs specifically with that last post—that wasn’t a Dear White People post, it was to other POCs, but again, that got more interaction than anytime I address white creators—and yes, I am aware it’s not all of you—which shouldn’t be the case given how the majority of the fandom is white).

if this post makes you feel guilty, makes you wanna scroll past it and not think about how you wanna stay mum on the subject, you may want to think about why and how privileged you are to even be able to do so in the first place. we should all feel welcome here and there’s always a chance to right our wrongs (or in this case write our wrongs, heh :D ) 🩵

your POC friends and followers see you. they know what you’re doing. they do talk about it amongst each other, where they feel safe. don’t exclude them and let them down. make them feel safe with you. let them know they are. we don’t expect you to write black!reader, or Latinx!Reader, etc. because you’re not part of our groups so you can’t accurately depict us. we just want to read about reader. and not how they can’t step outside without getting a sunburn or tanning their pale skin. if you don’t wanna reblog my long ass posts then do something else. a simple “hey POC followers, you’re safe here” is a good start.

if for some reason, we’re not safe on your blog so you can’t say it, that’s uh, that’s real unfortunate. but also, maybe let everyone know that.

And to my friends who make sure their work is inclusive, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK MY BELOVED FRIENDS, thanks for letting me and a ton of other people who are scared and scarred from previous interactions over the years see ourselves in your fics 🥹❤️‍🔥

#$ replies #black!reader #poc!reader #que que

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leavemeal0newithmym0ss · 8 months

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let’s fucking get started with that 1st opening minus the lyrics bcuz that’s a whole other can of worms

Someone else (can’t remember who off the top off my head) pointed out how the flower represented saiki and I just. it not even being a dead flower??? The petals are just coming off??? MORE PETALS COMING OFF WHEN HIS FRIENDS ARE FIRST INTRODUCED???? I’m already crying man. They really were bringing his spirit down when they kept projecting on him and therefore weren’t really making an effort to know him bcuz they thought they had him all figured out huh. We haven’t even scratched the surface of what I wanna talk about and the screenshots make it extra long lmao.

Let’s talk about why they choose these two powers to show off. First off him just being able to easily destroy stuff is probably meant to show how fragile everyone and everything seems around him and how easily he could hurt someone (he would never, but his upbringing and self-deprecating thoughts says he could and that’s all that matters). Next, flying. It seems really cool but the fact that there’s literally no one else there makes the scene feel like incredibly lonely to me. Like minus the buildings and moon the sky is a whole lot of nothing.

Saiki’s friends making him feel trapped minus takahashi get the fuck out this isn’t about you. Hairo trying to make the rope tighter might be representing him making situations worse without meaning to; I wouldn’t be surprised if he thinks he’s loosening it. Toritsuka just sprawling on top of saiki with no regard for him. Nendou is probably representing a weight to saiki; he’s not really doing anything other than eating ramen but saiki likely feels guilty about just being a danger to the dude. I’m pretty sure in the beginning of the manga saiki stated multiple times that Nendou was a good guy. Kaidou drawing on his face and pointing at him is definitely about how Kaidou projects onto saiki and “creates” a personality for him. Teruhashi is interesting bcuz she’s not really doing anything to him unlike the others but she is also up in his face like she’s trying to get his attention and saiki, who in this big metaphor can’t move his body (probably bcuz he’s scared the slightest twitch will throw off their illusion that they created for him and he has abandonment issues they’ll leave now that I think about it), can’t really tell her to stop.

Ok who’s house is this and why is saiki using his x-ray vision? Why did they choose this house to start off x-ray? Is it teruhashi’s? Why does it feel like teruhashi’s and why is saiki using x-ray vision on it?

Him putting the flower that represents him back together with his powers we love to see it. This is probably at the end where he finally excepts his powers as a part of himself and stops tearing himself down bcuz of them (although that is going to take time, he’s starting to at least).

MORE FLOWERS GROWING IN THE FIELD THE MORE FRIENDS HE SURROUNDS HIMSELF BY AND THE MORE PEOPLE HE LETS GET CLOSE??? HIS EYES HAVING A SHINE IN THEM AT THE END WHEN IN THEY BEGINNING THEY WERE DEVOID OF LIFE??? WHAT IF I SOB

#the ending of the op always gets to me man #Holy shit this is long I’m so sorry #saiki k #the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki no psi nan #saiki kusuo

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gingersnappish · 10 months

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Hi!

I’m Ginger: artist-nerd, citizen-scientist, make-garden-not-lawn enthusiast, and avid baker-of-cinnamon-rolls-from-scratch! I very much enjoy fandom! What is my weekly fanfic consumption like? High. Very High. Some of my current favs include: Star Wars (especially Kylux), The Witcher (here meaning I saw about an episode and a half of TWN, found the fandom, and wandered happily off towards Lambert and Aiden), LotR, sometimes StarTrek…..assorted others! I am passionate about creating things, too! Often, that means drawing fan art and/or comics. Actually, I’ve found myself stalling intermittently in that department over the past year or so. I’ve been almost exclusively drawing Kylux things using only Procreate, for a while now. Which I love doing! But I suspect doing just that one type of art for going on 4 years now is starting to have an effect of the breadth and depth of my creative well. So I’ve decided to change up how I create for a while! A good friend gifted me a sketchbook IRL and I want to fill it with traditional media drawings. I want to try drawing from more fandoms, try out new digital techniques and styles that maybe I hadn’t allowed myself before. I want to invest some time into art forms besides drawing, even - I’ve always enjoyed fiber arts and I’ve got a jack loom I’ve meant to finish repairing for a while. Once that is working, I want to learn to weave. And I want to share some of these things here! On that note, I suspect more than a few people who follow me on Tumblr are here because I have drawn a lot of kylux. Especially the long-form fan comic ‘Dying Is Easy Young Man, Living Is Harder’. WRT The Comic: Kraken and I are still fully intending to see it to it’s conclusion! Honestly, though, it’s been on unofficial hiatus for a while now and it’s likely to remain that way for a bit longer. Kraken is super busy with retraining and job related demands IRL, and I am also pretty swamped and trying to get back in a more sustainable groove artistically. The whole sitch doesn’t leave us a lot of room to create a big project like DIEYMLIH together, right now. I know firsthand how hard it can be to wait a long time for a story you enjoy to get finished - so I want to say ‘thank you’ to everyone being very patient with us! We will get there eventually! If you want to check if there has been an update or just re-read the kylux comic to-date, the best place to go is the DIEYMLIH Site

If you want more kylux themed stuff in the meantime, I’m still putting my Kylo Amidala and other AU stuff for them on my Patreon

If you want the whole complete collection of my art (kylux or other)…. I'm working on that. I’ve historically been really inconsistent with tags. I'm trying to be better about that and also go back and fix all my personal art so it is consistently tagged. It’s gonna take a while. Eventually!

#about ginger psa

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pokemenlovingmen · 1 year

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Oh neato new blog!! I enjoy reading peoples different interpretations of characters through x reader imagines, and it’s nice to see another one pop up. If you’re comfortable with it, would it alright if I request a scenario using any Pokémen of your choice developing a crush on a male reader who’s a big, intimidating buff guy..but in personality is actually a softie and an attentive single father to his young child. (Who is tinyyyy. Just a lil thing to contrast dad) I like romance and found family..what can I say.

oooooh that sounds so fun and cute!! Since it seems like you meant one guy, I’ll do one dude, but a longer post! Usually that’s my form, one person gets a longer post whereas multiple get shorter segments… however long it takes me to adhere to that. Because I have no self control. Anyway, my man of choice for this ended up being Grusha, because some nice and warm fluff should melt that frosty exterior.

And on the romance and found family thing, you are speaking my language fluently, you’re talking to a guy who worships those things in fan content. You can’t!! Go wrong with it!!

Soft as Snow

Grusha x Intimidating Male Reader (who has a kid!)

So. In your relationship Grusha might be a bit uh.

❄️ — Grusha is not a kids guy. Not at all. He’s the literal opposite of sunshine and rainbows. But hosting arguably the most intense and therefore exciting out of Paldea’s gym matches and spending so much time in a snow-covered mountain that is, realistically, so much fun for a kid to go to, he sees a lot of kids. Usually glued to their parents, which he’s grateful for, because rounding up some kid who runs off is about the last thing you can expect him to do successfully. So all in all, he limits his interactions with kids as much as humanly possible, but understands his job puts him around them a lot.

❄️ — A frequent culprit of drawing in rugrats he’d really rather not interact with would be the Cetoddles he looks after. He supposes he can’t blame the kids, they’re pretty cute and definitely not something you see anywhere but the mountain. And that’s exactly what gets him awkwardly interacting with some unknown little girl when he’d rather be doing anything else.

❄️ — A little girl had come to look at one Cetoddle, and with no parents in sight, he had to stay near. So, sighing, he stuffs his hands in his pockets and walks over, making the Cetoddle chirp excitedly when it sees him. He clears his throat and makes some horribly awkward attempts at small talk at this random child, no older than seven, who is just staring at him so intently now.

❄️ — “You, uh… like Cetoddle? Yeah… um. I think he likes you,” he tries, but he’s no… well, any other gym leader, even Larry, would be better at entertaining some random child while phoning the league staff on site that some unsupervised kid is running around.

❄️ — But he never actually has to make that call, because you run up shortly after he hesitantly approaches, frantically calling your daughter’s name. Like good lord, she is so fast. You blink once and she’s gone. You’re pretty fit, but even now you’re sweating profusely from all the times she’s bolted off on you.

❄️ — Grusha just stares at you as you approach, bug-eyed and wondering how the earth didn’t literally rumble as you ran up. Because holy shit, you’re massive. Legitimately built like an Ursaring and for a second he fears for his life and regrets ever approaching this kid thinking she was lost, because he could swear at the speed a guy who looks like you is approaching, you’re about to bite his head off for getting near her. Once again, interacting with kids proves more trouble than it’s worth, considering he’s so sure this is going to genuinely cost him his life. People get rash when it comes to their kids, understandably.

❄️ — But instead, you look at him, then at your daughter and immediately fall into bowing your head muttering thanks and apologies. “Oh, hey, I’m so sorry, she can be so fast when she wants to, I hope she wasn’t pestering you and your Pokemon for too long!”

❄️ — While you’re gently chiding your daughter for running off and imposing on a stranger, he looks from her to you. Then to her. Then to you. She’s not even, like, a quarter of your size. Being a former athlete, he’s seen some built dudes, but you’re giant and he’s still taken aback by how different your attitude was compared to your appearance and how doting you clearly are over your daughter. (A big heart AND nice body? Grusha isn’t even aware of how many of his boxes you tick because he’s just never thought about those things since his accident.)

❄️ — He clears his throat, scratching at the back of his neck awkwardly. “Uh. No problem. She wasn’t causing any trouble.”

❄️ — Both of you awkwardly mumble out some small talk (Grusha really isn’t one for talking and you’re kind of struggling to hold up the conversation), but when he mentions he’s got to get back to the Gym, you’re shocked. Oh! He’s the gym leader?! THE retired snowboarding prodigy?

❄️ — Turns out you and your daughter had just moved to Paldea, and to warm up to your new home, you’re taking her to see a few of the Ten Sights of Paldea. She ran off when she saw the Cetoddle on their hike, though, and you’re pretty surprised you just kind of bumbled into a pretty famous trainer who you’ve seen in a lot of informative pamphlets and ads for the region. It also makes you increasingly apologetic for your daughter imposing on him because he definitely has a job to do, and shouldn’t be pulled away from it.

❄️ — The conversation doesn’t last much longer, and you part ways shortly after. Grusha doesn’t even realize how attractive you are to him, you’ve got his heart thumping but he doesn’t even consider feelings for someone being a reason why. He’s just sort of resigned himself to be alone. But deep down, seeing a man so attractive (like phew. you are FIT.) be so caring and soft is actually really resonating with him. Basically, you’re a type he doesn’t even know he has.

❄️ — He’s a bit surprised when he sees you and your daughter again after a week or two, back on Glaseado. You wave and give him just the sweetest, happiest greeting when you meet again and sheepishly explain that your daughter became fascinated with the local Ice-type Pokemon and had been begging to go out and see them again. (He’s not sure if he can imagine that child emoting. His interactions with her, including now, all she’s done is hug your side and stare blankly at him.)

❄️ — But you’ve done something rare, and like most of his feelings, Grusha doesn’t realize it—you’ve struck a chord with him somehow and he’s too much of a die hard, stubborn loner to understand why. So when you meet for the second time he awkwardly offers to let you and your daughter meet the local Cetoddle pod that he watches over a lot.

❄️ — It’s cute. Seeing someone of your towering stature playing with the Cetoddles, who somehow don’t fear you at all despite how intimidating you are. They’re crazy about you, probably because they see how your daughter interacts with you and just flock to your parental nature. That and your daughter herself just having a good time while you laugh with her, sometimes throwing halfhearted snowballs because you know if you actually tried to could hurt someone with one, and she mostly just wants to pelt you with them than get hit herself. (Kids)

❄️ — The whole time, Grusha’s watching, not even aware of how smitten he is. But someone else is, because after a bit he’s startled by something shaking violently on his poke ball belt, and then with a crack! and no other warning out comes his Altaria, which grabs his scarf in its talons and drags him the hell over to you. When it shoves the flustered Grusha your way, it lands and begins preening itself, instantly capturing your daughter’s attention. (Because what kid wouldn’t want to pet the fluffy cloud bird? Altaria’s cute, and it knows it.)

❄️ — While Grusha’s giving his dirty traitor of a Pokemon the stink eye, you just give this warm and hearty laugh that has his heart doing flips all over again, and pat Altaria on the head. “Aw, this is a friendly one! Isn’t it pretty?” (To which your daughter vigorously nods.)

❄️ — “Uh, yeah, sorry…” he glares at it, and out of the corner of its eye Altaria glares back. “She’s usually not like this. I don’t know what her issue is.”

❄️ — “Haha, it’s no problem!”

❄️ — Then silence. And silence. …And silence. Grusha’s out of things to say, which didn’t take long at all. You cough. He clears his throat. The both of you watch your daughter and his Pokemon play in the snow. He’s only just now realizing how strangely desperately he wants to find something to say to you. And then, while playing with your daughter, Altaria gives him another Look.

❄️ — Oh. Oh, Altaria knew, too. Altaria was trying to bide him time. Well, he couldn’t let his Pokemon companion’s efforts go to waste, as embarrassing as it was…

❄️ — “So, uh…” he clears his throat. “Wanna… come back to the gym with me? Got a coffee machine there. Get something to warm you up.”

❄️ — Your eyes light up and it feels like his heart just got body-slammed. “Hey, that sounds great!”

❄️ — You call your daughter, and he calls his Pokemon, both running at the promise of some hot chocolate from the coffee machine. As you and him are both turning to head back in the direction of the gym, you completely miss a certain interaction nearby.

❄️ — Your daughter tugs on Grusha’s scarf, and when he looks down at her, she gives an unsettlingly blank stare as she studies his face. Finally, as if it’s a complex equation she just solved, she happily announces: “You’re nice.”

❄️ — Oh, uh… thanks? Those are the words Grusha wants to say, at least, but your daughter keeps going with a genuine verbal gut-punch.

❄️ — “I think you and my daddy should get married.”

❄️ — Kids say the darndest things, huh? (You exchange numbers by the end of the day, and who knows… maybe one of you will follow your daughter’s advice some day. But definitely not today. Grusha has to go crawl into the void and die of embarrassment first.)

#pokemon x reader #grusha x reader #grusha x male reader #i’m so sorry I fumbled with this one a lot #I couldn’t figure out how to wrap it up without droning on and on forever!!#sorry for it being all disjointed but I gave it my best ;v;

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harringtown · 2 years

Text

at night when light is fading

this fic does not recognize canon and lives firmly by a ‘everyone survived s4′ mindset. no angst here we’re about pure fluff.

requested by @witch-without-a-social-life

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

word count: 2.5k

summary: au based on fair by the amazing devil (aka Eddie falls in love thats it thats the fic)

warnings: cursing, some throwing up/flu stuff

Eddie Munson didn’t believe in love until he was nineteen years old. In his defense, and he saw it as a strong one, he hadn’t ever been given a reason to. He wasn’t raised by stories of people in love. In his case, people did more leaving than they did loving.

It wasn’t until he was standing at the front of Mr. Jenning’s senior English class, for the third year in a row, being forced through yet another monologue solely intended to humiliate students, that Eddie got his first glimpse of it.

He didn’t catch the entire insult, predictably launched by a letterman-wearing blonde in the center of the room, but he didn’t need to. This wasn’t his first round in the ring. He knew how to let the words roll off his skin like drops of water.

It only caught his attention because of what came next. A voice he didn’t recognize attached to a face that was only vaguely familiar. A new student, maybe, that he’d seen in another class.

The low curse of, “Asshole,” came in the second between the other students' laughs, clearly not meant to be heard. The laughter fizzled into a thick silence. Eddie was loath to admit it, but he was momentarily grateful someone had been foolish enough to draw the fire.

“What did you just call me?” The boy’s name was Brad or Chad or something similarly irrelevant, and the cruelty in his voice was a clear warning.

But the warning went ignored. Instead, the same voice, a little louder, called, “I said, asshole.”

The characteristic and predictable chorus of ooohs rolled through the room, and poor Mr. Jenning’s slightly-panicked voice, “Now, hey, hey—” did nothing to curb the wave.

“New girl has a thing for the freak, yeah?” piped another jersey-laden boy from the center of the room.

In the last row, in the left corner, you pushed to your feet, and Eddie saw you—really saw you—for the first time. Nostrils flared and chin high, not an ounce of fear in you, you fixed your attention on today’s class clown.

“Actually, I just have a strong aversion to attention-obsessed jackasses who get off on disrupting valuable learning time,” you said, cutting your eyes to Mr. Jennings and giving an exaggerated smile of apology.

Eddie spent the rest of class building up the courage to talk to you. He ended up chickening out, exiting the empty classroom just as the warning bell rang for the next period.

The hallway was mostly deserted, save for a few stragglers. And you, standing a few lockers down from the door, staring at a wrinkled school map like you wanted to set it on fire.

“Someone’s getting detention,” Eddie sang as he approached you.

You tensed briefly, relaxing when you lifted your head and caught his gaze. Interesting.

“Am not,” you said. “The bell hasn’t rung yet.”

As cued, the late bell chimed through the halls. You cursed beneath your breath.

“Don’t worry,” Eddie said, sidling up to the lockers beside you, folding his arms and pressing a hip into the metal. He jerked a chin down the hall. “Miss Betty, hall monitor extraordinaire, is nothing if not consistent. She won’t hit this hallway for another thirty seconds.”

One side of your mouth lifted. “That’s a relief.”

“Where are you headed?” Eddie asked.

You huffed and crumbled the school map into a ball, jamming it into your pockets. With a wry smile, you said, “Ms. Frederickson’s for history. Two weeks, and I still get lost on my way every single day.”

Eddie nodded, jamming his hands into his pockets and rocking on his heels.

“If you need a guide dog, I’m all yours.”

“You’re not worried about detention?”

Eddie snorted. “Do I seem like the kind of person who’s worried about getting detention?” and you laughed.

“Don’t worry about me. If we get caught, I will throw you under the bus without hesitation. If it means that much to you,” he said with a wink.

You laughed again, reaching out to shove him, but it was gentle, and that sound, and your fleeting touch, were like some new drug Eddie had never tried.

One taste, and he was hooked.

Eddie always thought life happened in the big moments—birthdays and funerals and concerts. And then, he met you, and found it in the tiniest, smallest seconds.

The night was cool, the breeze carrying through the open car windows. You hummed along to the music spewing through the speakers, and Eddie decided any song you were harmonizing with was his favorite.

It was a cheesy, ridiculous thought. Being around you filled Eddie to the brim with cheesy and ridiculous thoughts. The more time you spent together, the more likely Eddie would slip up and open his mouth. Ruin this precious, fragile thing he stumbled into.

In the fifteen minutes since he pulled up to your curb, you’d made no effort to get out of the car and go inside your house.

Instead, you just sat with your head tipped back and your eyes shut, humming along to the music. And all Eddie could do was look at you, like a creep. He didn’t think he'd ever seen something so beautiful. You, in the passenger seat of his car, humming a song.

“I can feel your eyes, Munson,” you murmured in the silence between tracks.

Eddie averted his gaze.

In his peripheral vision, your chin dropped and your head turned his way. “I didn’t say it was a bad thing.”

He caught your eyes again and prayed the darkness of the cloudy night hid his blush.

“I like the way you look at me,” you said. Your mouth twitched. “Is that weird?”

Eddie chewed on the inside of his cheek and willed himself not to say something stupid. The bravado he wore like a coat of armor kept slipping through his fingers.

“And how is it that I look at you?” he asked.

A crease formed momentarily between your brows. You undid your seatbelt and slid across the bench seat, drawing a leg up. Your knee pressed into Eddie’s thigh, and it took everything in him not to gasp like some fainting heroine.

You reached up to catch one of his curls and wound it a few times around a finger.

“You look at me like you never want to stop,” you said.

He wanted to say something witty, or maybe romantic, but in the end, what left his lips was, “I don’t.”

You just smiled and gave his hair a little tug, drawing him toward you. He wasn’t sure who kissed who, but it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter because your hands were threaded through his hair and your lips tasted like the cheap Icee’s you’d shared and everywhere you touched lit a fire up his skin.

And love settled in the hollow of his chest.

“You really—” Eddie dry heaved, lunging for the plastic bucket he’d dug from under the kitchen sink. “—don’t need to be here for this.” The breeze through the window carried a constant warm wind across his sweaty skin, but he couldn’t seem to shake the cold or stop the shivering.

You perched on the bed beside him, drawing the damp strands off his neck and gathering his hair into a ponytail.

“You’re not getting rid of me that easy, Munson,” you hummed, pressing a cold cloth to his forehead. Despite walking in on him passed out on the bathroom floor, drenched in sweat, with what he’s sure was vomit on his chin, you hadn’t faltered once. Hadn’t seemed affected by the nasty, burdensome, exhausting flu-ridden Eddie you stuck into a shower and coaxed back into bed.

“I—” He started a sentence, but nausea rolled through him again, and his words died in the bucket.

Your fingers traced slowly up and down his back.

“It’s alright,” and “I’ve got you,” you said, over and over. For most of his life, Eddie made a point of being as little a bother as he could. He learned to make as little a dent everywhere he went as possible. But for the first time, he let himself be taken care of, and he didn’t hate it.

When he’d retched himself sore, you took him by the shoulders and guided him back, positioning yourself against the headboard and pulling Eddie down against you.

“I’m just going to get you sick,” Eddie grumbled once he regained the ability to speak. “Or, worse, kill any sexual interest you might have in me one gag at a time.”

“You saying the word sexual interest is killing my sexual interest,” you said.

Eddie snorted a laugh.

“And if you recall, you vomited on my sneakers about forty minutes ago,” you said. “So if there was a line for that, we’d be well past it by now.”

“And?” he arches a brow, lifting his arms weakly and giving them a shake. “What’s the verdict?”

You smiled, bending down to press a kiss to his damp forehead.

“Stop talking before you puke again,” you whispered, hovering above him. Even upside down, you were ridiculously beautiful.

The words Eddie had been holding back for three months lined up behind his teeth. He let his eyes fall shut, and said, “It isn’t fair.”

“What’s not fair?”

“How much I fucking love you,” he said. He kept his eyes shut, like it’d soften the blow of his words.

Silence hung in the air for a long moment, so long Eddie got nauseous again, but for a different reason.

And then, cool fingers settled on his cheeks, and he opened his eyes to find you grinning down at him.

“I fucking love you, too,” you said, and Eddie thought he might combust right there.

“You’re hogging the mattress,” you grumbled, elbowing Eddie lightly. Both precariously perched on the mattress Eddie dragged up onto the roof of his van, bundled up in blankets, it was not the most comfortable position, but Eddie would be damned if it changed.

“Guess you’ll just have to get closer, then,” Eddie said, looping his arms around your waist and tugging you closer, half on his lap. You laughed, hands landing on his shoulders. It was still his favorite sound after six months, and he never tired of hearing it.

According to the clock on the van’s dashboard, the meteor shower would be starting any minute. If Eddie was being honest, though, he didn’t give a shit about the meteor shower. He was content to sit here with you and stare at an empty sky until the sun swallowed the earth.

“Are you sure you got the date right?” you murmured, winding your arms around his neck and leaning into him, craning your head back.

Eddie scoffed and grinned. “No, I just dragged both our asses out into the cold on a guess.”

You rolled your eyes. Your lips parted, but whatever witty remark you had loaded died on your tongue. You stilled, fingers curling around his jacket.

“Oh, shit,” you said, voice low. Your gaze dropped to Eddie’s. “Look.” Your eyes drifted back up, and Eddie followed your line of sight.

At first, he didn’t see them. And then, one, two, three, a dozen, a hundred sparks of light falling toward the earth. The light danced past the fixed stars and faded into the blackness.

You caught Eddie’s gaze, and meteors flashed in your irises. A wide smile played on your lips. He waited for you to look away, to look back up, but you kept watching him.

“You’re missing your shower,” Eddie said, cocking a brow.

Your smile shifted, turned softer, and your hands moved up to his cheeks.

“Sometimes, I feel like I’ve been waiting for you my whole life,” you said, and your voice was so low, Eddie could barely hear. But he did hear.

He smiled and bent forward, tipping his forehead against yours.

“Me too,” he whispered. “Me too.”

And he kissed you as the sky fell around you.

The moment Steve slowed his car at the edge of the police barricade surrounding the trailer park, you threw open the door and bolted. Steve’s protests rose behind you, culled by Nancy’s insistence that he couldn’t stop you. As you ducked under the caution tape, shoving around a deputy who made the mistake of looking away, you heard footsteps pound behind you.

You weren’t the only one with someone coming out of that gate. After a second, Steve caught up to you.

You saw Dustin first, his clothes soiled and his face covered in muck. He limped out of the trailer, wincing with each step, and stumbled down the porch and into the grass.

“Henderson,” Steve exclaimed, letting out a curse and a relieved sigh. He jogged for Dustin and caught the teen in a hug, gripping him tightly.

You couldn’t tear your eyes off the door. The empty door. The one Eddie hadn’t yet walked out of.

You’d known there was risk. And every single one of you agreed to it when you agreed to this plan. But you’d never truly expected Eddie to—

“Jesus H Christ, Henderson, do I need a beer—” A familiar voice said, stepping through the doorway and out onto the porch. He was covered in black and red blood, and his clothes were half ripped to shreds, and he was favoring his sides, but he was alive.

“Edward Francis Munson,” you called.

“Oh, he just got hit with the full name,” Dustin said, looking at Steve.

Steve cocked a brow at Eddie. “Your middle name is Francis? Damn, man.”

But Eddie only had eyes for you. He made his way off the porch and across the grass to stop a foot away from you. His eyes flicked around your face, searching.

“You’re late,” you said. “You never made it to the rendezvous.”

“We got a little held up,” he said, one side of his mouth twitching up.

“Yeah, we heard.” You could still hear it, the faint music, the knowledge that it meant Eddie was drawing the fire. And the fear, the one that took hold inside you and hadn’t let go until now. “I’m guessing you had a good turnout?”

“Record setting crowds,” he said. His hands drifted over his shredded shirt and jacket. “I told you it was gonna be my year.”

You laughed, but it split into a sob halfway. Just as your knees buckled, Eddie reached out to catch you, pulling you into his arms.

“Hey, hey,” he murmured, voice muffled by your hair. “It’s okay. I’m okay. It’s all gonna be okay.”

You pulled back to look at him, vision blurry with tears.

“I thought I lost you,” you said.

Eddie shook his head. “You’re not getting rid of me that easy, sweetheart.”

“Is that a promise?”

“It’s a guarantee,” he said.

You didn’t know what came next, or how the hell any of you were going to deal with it, but you believed Eddie. Believed in him. And he believed in you.

That was enough.

taglist: @milkiane

#brooke writes fic #eddie munson #Eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #Eddie munson fic #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things #stranger things fic #stranger things fanfiction #x reader

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melodygatesauthor · 1 year

Text

Hello everyone!

So I need to bring some attention to something that has happened to me and some others in the community recently. I didn’t want to. In fact, myself and the others involved tried really hard to handle this quietly, but there is an individual who has become problematic and has negatively impacted some of our experience within the (Oscar Isaac) fandom. I’m literally just trying to escape from reality and write fanfic about a man I’ll never have, but I felt like this had to be done.

Drama trigger warning below the cut:

I’m only going to tell my side of this story, because that’s all I can do. It’s not my place to tell the stories of the others who have been affected by this individual. I’m not going to bring the names of my friends into this and if they would like to share their side then they can.

I just want to remind everyone that my page is meant to stay drama free, and that will still be my goal going forward, but this individual has made herself impossible to ignore at this point in time. I hope you all can see based on my post history that it is unusual for me to post something like this and give me some grace while I draw attention to someone who has been an outright bully in our wonderful community.

This community has always been a happy place for me. It’s been a safe space and I feel like this person has been hurting others that I care about and making it a less than pleasant place in the meantime.

The individual in question is @lonely-dark-moon - Anna

This issue started months ago with a friend of mine who I’ll call Friend-A. Friend-A and Anna had been getting along well, and everything was fine. I made it a point to follow Anna’s previous blog, annautumnsoul, which has since been deactivated, to show support and care for Friend-A. I wanted to show Anna that she was welcome with Friend-A’s other friends and I wanted her to feel welcome.

Something happened between them, and if Friend-A would like to openly speak about it they can, but I won’t speak on that at this time. All I knew was that Friend-A was telling me about someone else in the community (Anna) that was making them extremely uncomfortable, and making them feel like they couldn’t interact normally in the community without Anna making Friend-A feel bad or without Anna acting irrationally toward them.

I was told by Friend-A that this person (whose name at the time I still didn’t know was Anna) had commented privately on the fact that Friend-A would interact with me or ask me to look over Friend-A’s work. She (Anna) had told Friend-A that, in short, it made her feel bad that Friend-A would do things with another friend (me), thus making Friend-A feel like they needed to step back from the community to avoid further argument. Eventually, Friend-A asked politely for Anna to leave her alone, to which Anna took great offense.

Friend-A would not tell me who was making her feel this way. I put 2 and 2 together when I saw that Anna had deactivated her account. Friend-A still wouldn’t tell me who it was in the community, but it was easy to decipher. When Anna made her new account, @lonely-dark-moon, I promptly blocked it so as to avoid the drama. As I said, I don’t like to get into this kind of stuff, and I had my suspicions that this was her doing.

Friend-A seemed to feel better after this, starting to get involved in the community again, and that’s when the anonymous inboxes and DMs started. Again, I won’t get into details about those, it’s not my place, but Friend-A was advised by myself and others to block this person that we still didn’t know was Anna (Friend-A only shared the contents of the messages, not who they were from). Every time Friend-A would block her, a new account would surface, and that account would send more messages. I believe there were 7-8 fake accounts made in an attempt to reach Friend-A.

How many times do you need to block someone before they get the hint? I would think only once, but Anna is nothing if not persistent. She continued, making several accounts to harass Friend-A with, and for a long time I continued to tell her to block and ignore. This has been going on for MONTHS (if that tells you how badly I didn’t want to put this girl on blast, I could’ve done this months ago). I really didn’t want it to come to this, I was hoping that we could all just sweep it under the rug and that Anna would move on and leave us all alone.

Friend-A continued to feel unsafe (and still wouldn’t tell me who it was doing this to her), and as her friend, I was being respectful and biting my tongue despite my suspicions that it was Anna. I didn’t want Anna to think that Friend-A was running her name through the mud, because she wasn’t. Friend-A was simply confiding in a friend (me) about someone who made her feel extremely upset.

So…why am I doing this now? Well, because of this:

She made it personal, and she gave me the opportunity to step in and stop watching my friend get harassed and being unable to do anything about it. Now let me be clear. The only personal interaction I had with Anna, other than today, was positive. She was always kind to me and I was always kind to her, so why she said this about me now, I don’t know.

Everyone in my friend circle here in the community, and followers I’ve had for a long time, know that I’m not a bad person. To say “at first you don’t notice it” ok then when do you notice it? Please enlighten me because some people have been waiting since December (when I first joined the fandom) to see the “bad side” of Melody (because there isn’t one. I’m chill and I’m just here to write my silly fics and have a good time). “Some people are afraid of them”, who? Please tell me that too? Because if I’ve done anything to make anyone feel afraid or unsafe then I’d like to know, but I doubt that’s the case. I think the only person who’s afraid of me is the person who called me out on their post and then conveniently deleted it…good thing I took screenshots when I did.

So this leads me to the interaction I had with Anna today.

After seeing this post she made this morning, I put together a well thought out message to her that I sent to her privately. The long and short of it was this:

I know you’ve been harassing Friend-A for a long time. I know you made a post about me today. Are we going to have a problem or are you going to chill out?

She responded by telling me that she doesn’t care about me, that she doesn’t know who was saying that I’m “afraid of me”, and that she doesn’t know why people are afraid of me as long as I leave her alone she doesn’t care.

My problem with her response is this, I tried to leave her alone. I really did. In fact, I haven’t had a day off from work in weeks and you think I wanted to spend my entire day doing THIS? I have so many fics I could be working on right now and you think that this is something I wanted to do? Hell no. I wouldn’t have done this if it wasn’t extremely important to me that her behavior come to a stop.

I genuinely really did want to leave her alone, and so did Friend-A. I mean that with all of my heart. The problem is, that she can’t seem to leave my friend alone (the most recent harassing message only being sent a few days ago), and the spite fic she wrote? Cute. And now she’s bringing me into it by dragging my name through the mud. Enough is enough.

With any luck, you’ll never see another drama related post from me again. I hate that I had to do this but I didn’t know what else to do. How do you stop an internet bully? You let everyone else know what they’re doing. If we continue to keep what she’s doing a secret, it’s just going to allow her to continue thinking it’s ok and hurting other people.

I’m not going to ask anyone to block her, do what you want. I’m also not going to talk about this further unless anyone wants to come talk to me about it privately. If you don’t believe me, and you think I’m evil then by all means, feel free to block me or unfollow me, that’s fine. I really hope you all understand that this wasn’t how I envisioned spending my Wednesday, and it took a lot for me to get to this point because this is fucking not how I want my blog to be, but I couldn’t take this anymore.

Lots of love and thank you,

Melody <3

#discourse #melody talks #thanks for reading if you read it all

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