#Just want to share so maybe someone else can avoid a similar situation

[arthropooda]

My breathing is getting worse again. This will be the fifth antibiotic resistance I've had. It's by far worse than any bronchitis I've ever heard of. They said I don't have pneumonia anymore but almost all my symptoms are the same severity, and it's in both lungs now.

I can't sleep because I can't stop coughing and internally it sounds like a Geiger counter. I'm just really scared. I'm on 10+ prescriptions. I'm sure all of this is related to having covid in September because I have never before been a fraction of this ill ever in my life. I wear a mask virtually everywhere but finally caught covid doing odd jobs and errands for a wealthy person who did not wear a mask. I've felt weaker ever since that happened but really could not afford to slow down or take a break to get better. I couldn't even rest enough while actually having covid because I was living with a denier and my spouse would not let me come to our house during that time. I did at least get to take paxlovid but was pretty much forced to be active during that time and immediately go back to work after.

Then, a month later, I got extremely ill from a cold my coworker had. I went to urgent care for high fever but because I went during one of the only breaks in the actual fever, I was given nothing for it and it kept coming back until I had pneumonia.

Then, I went to a university hospital where I feel more mistakes were made, like giving me something too weak for too short a time, giving me antibiotics through a bad iv, and not releasing me with any oral antibiotic. They also would not let me have my blood pressure medication so I had extremely high blood pressure the whole time I was there (also a problem I did not have before covid).

Now I have two inhalers and a home nebulizer. Sometimes I feel like I just pass out from not having enough oxygen. It feels like physically moving my lungs to breathe is difficult, even beyond oxygen saturation. I have been to a marginally better hospital, but it takes longer to get to and I know if the ER were busy it would probably be as bad as the university one. I have an appointment with a specialist on boxing day, which was the soonest I could get since this started, even after being admitted (the university hospital made me an appointment for the end of January and I've been back in the ER twice since then). I don't know if I can even wait for five more days. Since the first time I went to the ER I haven't been out of the hospital for as long as a week without then feeling worse and needing to go back even more urgently. Based on all of this, I will probably have to go back by Saturday.

I know there are lots of stories like mine but I just wanted to make a longer post about it in case I feel too badly to do it later.

Cautionary advice:

wear your mask; only take it off if you are specifically willing to get sick from the environment/activity you're engaging in.

If you have persistent high fever, do not lie on your side if you are crying, laughing, or congested; this can easily cause an infection to spread to the lung on the side you're lying on. Also, if you already have an infection of that severity, don't even lean to one side while laughing or crying because that can make it suddenly worse and further spread the infection. I just feel like I need to include this because it can happen so easily.

Everyone probably knows this but if you have a busted vein, do not use an iv on the same vein, even if medical staff say it doesn't matter. It does matter, and getting an infusion that just leaks out of a busted vein instead of actually circulating intravenously will not have the same effect and will cause complications.

If you have antibiotic resistance and you get iv antibiotics and then leave the facility before you're in good health, you need to go home with oral antibiotics. Really this is probably a good idea even without prior antibiotic resistance since an incomplete course just makes resistance more likely.

#Long post #Personal #Cautionary #Covid #Pneumonia #Bronchitis #Antibiotic resistance #Hospital #Just want to share so maybe someone else can avoid a similar situation #I am so tired of this but it's not going anywhere

[mournersandfunerals]

Alice Oseman's Solitaire is a very important book and here's why:

A lot of the time when mental health is being depicted in fiction, it centres so much around the person struggling with it. Which, of course, makes sense. It's important to show what people go through when they suffer from mental illnesses, and it helps others in similar situations know that they're not alone in dealing with it. But it isn't very often you see something from the perspective of a friend or a relative and what they go through when someone they care about is struggling. Solitaire is a book that's so important for this specific reason.

Here, you have Tori. A teenage girl who spends 50% of her time worried about her brother, Charlie, and the other 50% of her time trying to convince herself that she isn't worried about him. She puts so much pressure on herself to keep everyone's heads above water that she doesn't realise that she, herself, is starting to drown. Their parents don't know how to handle everything that's going on with their son, so they act like everything is fine, relying on Tori to be the problem-free "normal" one. That's a lot of pressure to put on your 16/17 year old daughter. Tori takes on the responsibility of keeping her family happy and together, which ends up having the opposite effect and drives them further away from each other. So now you have two siblings that are so near but not within reaching distance when they need each other the most.

Which leads us on to the themes of guilt within the book. This is something that is so well executed and hard-hitting and absolutely crucial.

Tori is someone who feels a lot of guilt and regret when it comes to what Charlie is going through. She feels partially responsible for everything that happened to him. It's not her fault in the slightest, but when someone close to you is hurting and struggling, and you notice but don't do anything because you don't know how, it takes its toll. A lot of the pressure that Tori's under comes from the crippling guilt that she's trying to hold in. It manifests itself into something entirely different. She suffers with anxiety, she has negative thoughts, she hyperfixates entirely on solving the Solitaire mystery so she has something to do while her family is barely holding it together. She spirals.

And what's super interesting about this is how Charlie has a similar reaction at the end when he eventually comes to terms with the fact that his sister isn't okay, either. He mentions how he noticed but didn't do anything, and he feels awful about it. The Spring siblings have a remarkable way of avoiding what's right in front of them because who in the world would want to admit that their brother or sister is the opposite of okay?

And to add to this, I think we really need to note the importance of Michael Holden within this entire situation as well.

Michael is there for Tori consistently. He shows up when she doesn't even realise she needs him, he comes back whenever she pushes him away, and it's almost as though he's her only form of stability within the chaos. And that's exactly what she needs. She doesn't know how to handle what she's feeling about her family so she's pushed everyone else away. She needs someone.

Because it's so easy to ignore the state of your own mental health when someone you love is going through hell. So now we have Michael, a character who essentially says, "I'm here. Let me worry and look after you, while you unwittingly take on the weight of the world." Of course, Michael has problems of his own but if he and Tori can share their burdens between the two of them, maybe the weight of all of it won't feel so heavy.

Alice Oseman created something so underrated and special with Solitaire. It tackles things that can be difficult to talk about but need talking about. It reminds you that it's okay to not be okay. You shouldn't feel bad about feeling bad. And just because someone you love is struggling, it doesn't mean that you're entirely responsible for them. It doesn't mean that you're not allowed to grieve and be upset about it. And it doesn't mean that you're not allowed to struggle through your own issues either. But it does mean that you can find your own support system and let them pull you out of the metaphorical and, I guess in this instance, literal fire that's burning around you.

#this post is brought to you by yet another solitaire reread #it's so important to me #solitaire #solitaire alice oseman #alice oseman #tori spring #charlie spring #michael holden #sprolden #heartstopper #osemanverse #book ramblings #tw mental health

[dearweirdme]

I think it's pretty obvious that jk is crazily attracted to taehyung but the way I see it, and I'm aware that there's no way to tell someone's feelings and it's specially tricky with a closeted couple so this may sound dumb but I don't think he is as in love as taehyung is or at least I think he prioritizes his career and image over taehyung, I have nothing against him but I can't help but notice the differences between how Tae even includes him in his art, him more recently sharing that sunset after going to an event with that song, he cares deeply and maybe jk does too in intimacy but I have seen many examples where he put the well-being of his image over taehyung, him very pointedly avoiding every Tae content on tiktok when he comments and likes stuff about the others, and right now is too early to tell but if he ends up not showing any support for tae publicly this will go in line with what I think, I don't think he is forbidden to support in public tbh, I think that some things are choices that serve him to protect his image from the gay rumors, the drama, and hate and jikookers giving him their backs and joining their cousins pjms to attack him, ppl may say that the way he acts towards tae would cause a similar reaction in tkkrs and kths but it's not the same, some tkkrs may speak about it and turn on jk but there's a lot of jk biased tkkrs something that rarely happens with jikook and even kth biased tkkrs make a lot of excuses for jk bc Tae showing so openly that he is part of his life and that he loves stops them a bit, I guess the big difference between jokers and tkkrs reaction towards these kind of things is that tk is obviously a real couple and jikook is not and is totally dependant on content, narratives and their delusions, ppl who care truly about Tae would be hesitant of saying vile stuff about someone who he clearly loves, another thing is pjms, they are known for being one of the most organized vilest akgaes (dc gallery etc) jk knows that he won't encounter anything like that for not showing public support for Tae like it happens with JM, I think jk chooses to stay away from the drama and dangers his real rs brings out for his career as much as he can

Hi anon!

Well, it will come to no-one’s surprise that I disagree I think. People show their love in different ways. People differ in the way they want to be public. It is quite common amongst regular couples to be very different about these things.

First of all, Jk isn’t open about any of his friends or family. Sure, Jkkrs make a whole fuss about his Jimin episodes, but.. does Jk actually tell us about their bond? No he does not. I would even argue that he mentions Tae the most when it comes to non band situations. But Jk shares very little about the details and persons in his life in general. He will let us know how he feels about things, he will cook with is, sleep in front of us, show us his house, talk about Bam, but we do not know much about him and his friends and family. Tae is different, he shares more about his friendships, about the places he goes, about the art he likes. It just comes easier to him.

I do think Tae has more of a wish to be open than Jk. But, is it wrong of Jk to be more private? I don’t think so, every person should feel comfortable in sharing what they want. He does not however have issue with Tae being more open. Tae is talking about Jk seemingly freely, and he has been for quite a while now. If Jk had a problem with that they would have discussed and Tae would probably respect him enough to stop.

I don’t think Jk is as calculating about his image as you think. I think Jk just wants to be as free as he can, under his terms.. not under anyone else’s.

I think a lot of Tkkrs think Tae and Jk live with shippers in their minds a lot. I think shippers play a very small part in their lives. Tae being more open is in general not for us, it’s for himself. I don’t think he goes “I’ll do this for the Tkkrs”. But rather, he’s thinking about something and just wants to share his feeling. Jk being more private, is also for himself. But not because he wants to protect his image (imo) but because he feels safer that way (protecting his relationship maybe, or protecting his own heart, or protecting himself from oversharing).

I agree that he’s not restricted from mentioning Tae or supporting him publicly. But I don’t think it’s lack of love that has him stay silent. If nothing else.. Jk has supported other members, and he’s not even in a relationship with them. So love or respect or ego is not part of why he hasn’t mentioned Tae’s album yet. I don’t know what is, but personally I’m not thinking about it in a negative way.

#taekook #tae solo

[ibycaceres]

How to journal! For mental health 🌟

Tips and prompts ~

I have been journaling for many years now and for a long time I did it “wrong”, of course there si no real wrong way of journaling but there are ways to do it better and in a more insightful way! And I’m going to share how I do it!

First some useful prompts/ questions for daily reflections

What sparked joy? This is for all the things that made you happy or glad you are alive so you’ll know to do more of it.

What drained me of energy? This si helpful cuz you’ll start to see patterns (like you’ll keep on seeing the same things -social media, bad habits, certain people, etc- and you’ll know what to avoid and get out from your life.

Did I learned something? This will show you that you learn something new every day even if it’s silly and you can come back to old lessons in the future since there are all written down!

What I’m I grateful for? This is really helpful to realize that there are so many thing we tend to take for granted. Also great to look back when you need it. I have to admit this I don’t use very often cuz it’s similar to the first one.

How did I push forward? This si about the goals you are constantly working on and how you are working towards them. This helps you see if you are being consistant or if there are changes you have to make to reach your goals.

Tips

Write at the moment! This means that it’s best to write when you have a thought rather than to wait till a specific hour of the day.

Write it even if it’s stupid or ugly. This means to write things even if you are ashamed or unsure about it, your journal is yours alone and it helps to address things as they are or as you perceive them, also seeing them on paper can help you analice them and realize they might not be accurate to reality.

Take inspiration from outside of your life. This means that you can use some prompts for situations from a book or someone else’s life to reflect on them and widen your perception of life (maybe not this specific prompts lol).

Write on a specific theme or subject. For example about school or family, so you will ask: what drains me of energy at school?

And that’s it! I hope this helps some of you that are starting to journal or that want to do it or even if you need more ideas for your journal ^^ it can really help to write things down not just to remember moments of your life but it’s good to take things out of your chest, and once they are on paper you can analice them and find some peace of mind.

If you want more tips or prompts please let me know! I would love to share more of this with you! 🌟🌟🌟

#bujo #studyblr #bulletjournal #bullet journal #bujoinspo #stationery #bujoideas #bujocommunity #journaling #bujo spread #inspo #asthetic #bujo aesthetic #kpopjournal #journal prompts #journal tips #journaling tips #prompt list #mental health

[queerfox-tales]

Wondering how many others have this too?

So my entire life more or less, I've hated talking on the phone. It was one of the worst things for me to do. I avoided it. Stalled. Made my mom do it as much as possible even when I wasn't a child anymore. I just couldn't stand it. Both for speaking to strangers as well as known people.

Now I was shy, autistic and with poor social skills. And people said that I had issues with talking on the phone due to one of those traits. I believed it. After all, it kind of made sense.

Over time, I worked on my social skills and my shyness. Both for myself and to have an easier time maybe making friends. After a good decade, things have improved. I'm much less anxious in social situations. I can talk to strangers somewhat. Every context has improved... except the phone.

So that's when things seemed weird. If the reason I hated the phone was my shyness or my social skills, why didn't it change with the other two. That left my autism. But that didn't do it for me. After all, the main autistic symptom affecting it had changed.

So I began to look at my past behaviour with talking on the phone. And I realised something. I was often trying to increase the volume on my phone. Especially more recently. And I often had to ask the other person to repeat. Or I'd guess what they said way more than I liked or was used to guessing.

So now I'm like "Am I a little deaf?" Maybe hard of hearing may be more appropriate. I don't know how people feel for the terms but I've heard both for people speaking of it neutrally.

So like is it normal to not hear as well on the phone? Was it really some autistic trait or my social skills or was it just cuz I couldn't bloody hear as well as in person? Cuz I know there are stories out there of people not being diagnosed properly due to discrimination or "not being enough" of something.

In person, I can probably hear 97% of what someone says (Yes, I made up a number to try to compare soon). But on the phone, I can probably only hear 70-80% of what the person says. Like no wonder it stressed me so much.

So like is it the phone or do I actually use visuals more than one typically does to hear people?

Now I recently got a new phone. It was advertised as for elderly people. Cuz there's no internet browser. Basically, it's a basic phone. It also has features like larger font and the sound is made to better accomodate those with hearing loss. And mates, omg! I have never been able to hear so well on the phone. I won't pretend it's at 100% but I am so much more comfortable talking on the phone. Less repeating, more clarity. I still much prefer texting or other messaging but damn, it's been much nicer. So much less strain.

Anyway, so ya. Been wanting to share that for a bit now to see if anyone else has had that. By the way, my phone is a Jethro model. There's probably others but ya.

#autism #actually autistic #autistic things #autistic adult #shyness #shygirl #shy guy #phone #talking #hard of hearing #i got polls #poll #tumblr polls

[twist-of-art]

Willing to start anew again & giving self-care a chance

⚠️ Please do NOT continue reading if you might get triggered by certain "sensitive topics" including mental illnesses, toxicity, mentions of s*****e, etc. ⚠️

As someone out of many people who are struggling with depression, other mental disorders and trying to find their place and happiness in life I've been often reaching the point where I was ready to give up. I've always been a severe pessimist who quickly saw no point either in things that I started to like or do or life in general, especially during bad days, moments of disappointment or random relapses. These struggles hit me hard once again lately and after so many years of this "broken record" repeating itself, I decided to take a drastical turn in my life because in all honesty.. I slowly grew tired of this entire nonsense and I don't feel like I have the energy to deal with these things anymore after already witnessing them for God knows how often in the past.

I would like to share my experiences with you because perhaps some of you might be in a similar situation and I want to show you that you're NOT ALONE with this!

I'm no therapist nor someone who tries to tell anyone what's right or wrong. This post is only showing MY VERY PERSONAL experiences, struggles & decisions in order how I started step by step to change certain things in order to learn and get a different perspective in life while keeping on fighting my mental illness and trying to seek + find my own happiness.

So let's give this a shot 💪🏻

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• Awareness & acceptance

Have you ever caught yourself denying that things are difficult for you or where you intentionally ignored certain struggles, pretended things are fine or where you merely avoided specific topics because they made you feel "hurt", "annoyed", "triggered", etc? Being in denial is venom to you and your recovery or way to change and it doesn't help you at all, it rather throws stones on you path + makes things even more messy.

Fact is: Denying or avoiding your struggles or immediately blocking off when being confronted with specific things or issues (maybe even your own behavior?) isn't going to work out forever. Many people are afraid or can't accept the truth that they might have a problem and believe they can run but in reality they may run, but can't hide. And yes, TRUTH HURTS. We all know how hellish it can sting when being confronted with nothing but the hard, merciless truth..

In my case however, this was one of the things that helped me to realize that what I've been doing so far wasn't enough. I also tried to ignore it for a long time and ended up being oh so certain that I've already done anything in my might but man.. How wrong can someone be, lol. No matter how old you get, there's ALWAYS a way to improve, learn & to change. You just need to take your time to realize, accept and then make the first step in order to change something but the most important thing: YOU are the one who has to be willing to take this first step. Nobody else can do it for you and if you're not ready to do it or even don't want to do it, then it's simple -> Don't complain + expect things to get better for you. 🤷🏻

Life isn't easy nor is it always fair but don't be an a$$hat. There are for sure unfortunately people in this world who have bad intentions, did us wrong, treated us badly, etc. but keep in mind that despite all of those horrible things that may have happened to us, WE are as well still human. We are no saints either and we also tend to make mistakes or, hell even being d1cks, no matter if intentional or not.

It's way too easy to always dump the blame on somebody else because admitting mistakes or other flaws is hard, especially when it comes to certain mess-ups where we may have hurt someone close for example. Fact is, nobody of us is perfect and we all f*ck up. Regularly. But instead of complaining all the time how terrible everything is, how much you hate everyone or everything and how cruel or mean the world is to you, please give it a brief try, step in front of the mirror and ask yourself: "Am I maybe here and there making things unnecessary harder for myself, because I've been an a$$ in certain situations? Am I always fully innocent?"

Being aware of your own flaws and mistakes + being able to recognize and admit them is as well one of the first steps to improvement. Because no matter how hard we try, sometimes it's US who are the ones spreading bad energy, being unable to control our emotions, letting our frustration out on other people or maybe even being toxic. I myself have f*cked up big time in my past and this guilt is still haunting me till today + I even went far enough to try and take my own life because I couldn't handle the fact that I made mistakes like these, hurt people who I usually love, and and and.

The truth here is: We will probably all have moments in life where we mess up once again. Being human means to have flaws but there's a clear difference between making mistakes and being a jerk. Don't be afraid to admit your mistakes, apologize, learn from them and grow in order to prevent it from happening again.

And I kid you not, NEVER use a mental illness as an excuse for douchebaggery! I know how hard and exhausting it is when your own mind is being nonstop at war with yourself but as long as you're still sane and having common sense it's still YOU who's responsible for your actions and choice of words. Relapses and slip-ups may happen because we're no machines but this should never be a typical excuse for regulary hurting others or being straight forward "trash".

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• Not being afraid to turn the page & setting boundaries

As someone who's been always having difficulties with closing certain doors and setting boundaries for myself, this was probably one of my hardest struggles until I literally felt forced to do it thanks to a few incidents where I was shown that I have no other choice if I want to recover and change something.

Fact is: Sometimes we have to close certain doors in our life. Not out of spite, pettiness or oversensitivity but just because they don't lead anywhere anymore. Things in life change, people change, we all grow older and life moves on + eventually one day we may finally realize that it's for example not only our way of how we view certain things but perhaps maybe also some old (bad) habits or even our environment that keeps us away from improving and continuing.

It's an extremely hard process of mind and making this decision isn't anything but easy, but sometimes it's the best way to turn the page and start a new chapter. If you feel that some habits, maybe even hobbies / activities or other things don't bring you joy anymore, rather make you feel drained, empty or give you the feeling that they're all a waste of time, THIS is the right time to drop them and move on. Same with certain people..

Cutting ties with another person used to be one of my biggest fears because even if I knew that someone was either making me feel bad, used me or merely didn't give a damn about me, I always remained a loyal dog and kept on chasing them, simply out of fear of being "the a$$hole" + not wanting to get guilttripped or gaslighted. Fact here is: I ended up in so much unnecessary trouble thanks to those people and I didn't even realize that my mind + even environment were desperately telling me to finally kick those "Energy-sucking vampires" out of my life. I waited way too long with making a decision and the fact that some people simply are nothing but pieces of sh*t, so I should stop trying to change them and just let them rot instead of giving them regularly the opportunity to use me or literally cling to me like a leech, draining all of my energy.

Please know your worth! If you notice a person in your circle making you feel: Terrible every time you interact, doesn't respect your boundaries, only pays attention to you when they're in need, never gives a damn about your wellbeing, uses you as their "emotional toilet" or puppet but in return ignores you when you've hit the bottom of the barrel, trashtalks you + never shares your happiness when you're feeling well or having joy & in the worst case even guilttripps, trauma-dumps or gaslights you when you dare to tell them that you have a problem with their behavior —> DUMP THESE PEOPLE RIGHT AWAY!!! People like that are no "friends" at all and only disguise as those, in order to use you for their own, selfish and toxic needs. Nobody deserves to deal with something like that in their life, so as soon as you notice any red flags like that, don't give them any other opportunity to continue destroying you, so stay safe 🙏🏻

DON'T chase anybody if they make you feel like garbage or you're the one who's desperately trying to keep a "friendship" alive + don't force anybody to stay. If someone wants to walk out of your life, show them the door and even hold it open for them. Simply thank them for being part in your story and let them go.. Nobody's being forced to be your friend and same goes the other way around. I as well left many WhatsApp & Discord groups + had to cut ties with people who turned out to be only interested in me for giving them money, attention or when they could "use" me and as soon as they saw that they have no power over me anymore, they showed their true face by becoming angry, frustrated and even hostile because I showed them that I'm not alive to please THEM. Everybody is responsible for their own life and happiness and if people like that can't deal with it then it's their problem, not yours.

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• Give new things a chance and especially time

Especially during heavy periods of depression, frustration or anger it's hard to remain motivated, particularly when you're trying to focus on new things. You become irritated or even mad quite quickly which can lead to the conclusion that you drop everything, give up and think "Why am I even trying? I suck and it's pointless anyway."

The problem here is that this way of negative thinking won't bring you far and causes more harm to yourself and your wellbeing + confidence than you think. I'm aware that reading this right now sounds incredibly easy while in reality it's not, but please give things time. Have you ever planted a tree and did it immediately burst out of the ground, fully grown with leaves after you watered it? It's the exact same story with trying new things out, returning to activities or hobbies that you may have dropped or with improvement and recovery in general. It's totally ok to be frustrated sometimes, impatient or even sad. But don't expect things to work out immediately after the first try and please don't give up right away if you may experience failure!

Also never forget to take breaks. Trying your best DOESN'T mean you have to push yourself to that degree that you end up breaking down, relapsing or whatever. Remember once again: You are human. It's ok to feel exhausted. It's ok to have days that are trash and it's no sign of failure or weakness if you need a break or cry. Everyone is improving, growing and learning at their own pace, which is perfectly fine. It doesn't matter if someone's path may be longer than somebody else's, don't compare yourself to others! This is YOU and YOUR LIFE. And as long as you keep on working on yourself and reach your goal + happiness in life, that's all that matters.

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Life is already serious enough, so try to enjoy it as much as possible because it could be over anytime.. That's what I've learned.

If you may ask yourself now if I'm happy with my current life: No. DEFINITELY NOT.

I still have a long way to go and work on myself, despite already doing so since my early childhood and slowly walking towards my 30s, lol. But what I can say is that I've learned to view things from a different perspective and not being scared anymore to try myself out or to make certain decisions. I'm trying to focus on things that I used to love, even during relapses or trashy days + I also stopped viewing things COMPLETELY NEGATIVE. I cherish what I have because I'm well aware that there are always people who have it by far worse & even when I'm feeling screwed over by certain peeps or life in general, I'm not allowing this nonsense to mess with me for ages.

My boss once said "Just curse a little and carry the f*ck on."

I'll never forget his words because this is basically what helped me most of the time to remain sane, since I'm letting out some steam if I have to, yet I'm still having other and better things to do than complaining all the time or allowing this to ruin my day entirely.

Thanks ya'll for reading my essay and I wish every single one of you from the bottom of my heart to stay strong. Just because you're struggling right now, it doesn't mean it's going to last forever! You are valid, you are loved, you are trying and that's more than enough! ❤️

#self improvement #self care #change #fighting depression

[autism-resources]

hi, i hope this is the right place to ask this! so basically. my brother is autistic and struggles a lot with internalized ableism- he sees his autism as a sort of stain on his identity, constantly saying stuff like “augh my stupid autism” or “if i wasn’t autistic i wouldn’t have this problem.” like of course it’s normal to be frustrated by things, but it’s a genuine self-hatred thing for him. he’s even called himself the r slur in the fallout of arguments. my whole family supports him wholeheartedly and we’re always trying to show him that we don’t love him “even though he’s autistic” but that we love all of him, including that he’s autistic. is there anything we can do to help him see himself in a better light, or is this more of a self-discovery thing? i’d love for him to join tumblr and find a community but i don’t think that’s what he wants lol. thanks so much in advance i hope you’re having a nice day/night <3

Yeah this is the right place to ask this 👍🏻 Hi, sorry my answer took so long. As I’ve said in previous asks I’m trying to get caught up after not being able to for a while because of mental health. Since it’s been so long, the situation might be different and please feel free to send an ask (or message) if there is different information now or something else you’d like to ask.

Honestly the things you mentioned here make it clear that you’re informed and really trying to help. You seem to be very understanding of him and I would say trust your perception that it’s a problem but don’t get too discouraged because stuff like this does change. Self image and acceptance are major aspects of someone’s life and when you’re internalizing stuff like that it’s really damaging. And yeah a big part of self acceptance is very much a personal journey, but definitely the people close to you play a part in shaping that. The most important thing that you can do is just support him and not validate those statements.

I had a similar journey with my younger sibling who is dyslexic (and now has been informally diagnosed with adhd). They had a lot of internalized ableism and thought like that they were better by trying to “overcome” dyslexia and thought people could “push past” their disabilities if they just tried hard. It was hard to watch and I definitely wanted to help them so much that at times I confronted them. I found that addressing it directly made them upset. What I learnt from that is people do kind of have their own journey, but often if you figure out where they’re coming from and how to communicate your acceptance it really does make a difference. It’s just not immediate which can be hard, in fact sometimes the direct reaction is negative but then over time it’s positive.

My advice is that if you aren’t sure maybe you try to figure out what your brother’s internalized ableism stems from, is it being bullied, stuff online, childhood experiences, etc. Once you have that information you can try to really avoid triggering his internalized ableism, like how you mentioned it sounds like arguments might be a trigger. I’d also suggest just taking a gentle but direct approach, letting him know how you feel and what you want him to know. One thing that I find is very useful in relationships is instead of being reactionary- like if he says something negative that’s when you address his feelings, instead be proactive- when he’s upset, let him express himself, but when he’s not doing anything that is motivated by internalized ableism that’s when you address it.

The most powerful thing I could do with my sibling was just be 100% accepting without validating what they said. Once I realized it was coming from internalized hate I just made a point to show self acceptance. I started to just like make positive jokes about my own neurodivergecy and casually share the perspective of disability acceptance. Talk about ways that I struggle with things similar or have similar experiences to show them that it isn’t dyslexia = difficult and “normal” = easy. Like I’d make a comment about how I can’t read certain fonts as well or how I struggle to do geometry since I’m mot great at visual spacial stuff.

Also yeah I totally understand the tumblr thing, with my sibling what I do is like an exchange- I’ll do this thing you want me to if you do this thing I want you to. Maybe something like that could work?

Another important note, obviously some stuff is disability and even autism specific, but a lot of general self image stuff applies to stuff like this. Like personally I was very self negative and what helped me was the trick of making self aggrandizing jokes instead of depreciating jokes. So I’d suggest just maybe finding ways to up his self esteem and maybe looking up ways to respond to unhealthy self criticism.

Thanks for your ask, I hope this helped! Don’t give up! Also if you have any more questions, want more information, or anything please feel free to send me a message or send in another ask.

#autism #autistic #ask #autisitc community #self esteem #tw internalized ableism #internalized ableism #actually autisitc

[littleholmes]

Hiii ^^ Do you think that Nanami and Utahime share the same/similar dynamic with Gojo? I was thinking how they share this trust among each other because of their line of work but neither of them seem to like Gojo personally. Which seems to be the case with Gojo, except maybe his students and Shoko, Yuta amongst them seems to be the only one that respects and likes Gojo personally, alongside Yuji probably.

What do you think? Also I'm looking forward for your thoughts on future chapters!

Hi again! Yes and no. Yes, in that they find themselves annoyed with Gojo.

No, in that their dynamics aren't the same. For one, I don't think Nanami hates Gojo. However, Utahime clearly does. Nanami just finds him immature and annoying at times but doesn't hate him, he just doesn't respect him.

I also don't think that Nanami doesn't like Gojo, particularly because we see him spending some of his free time with Gojo. As an adult, at least in my experience, your time is important (especially your free time) and you're less and less likely to put up with people and situations you don't want to be a part of (especially ones that you're not being paid to be involved in/with) the older you get. Utahime reinforces this point. She is only around Gojo when she has to be because of school events or the odd mission. Her free time is spent with other people. Nanami is the type that values his time and his space. If he really didn't like Gojo, he wouldn't be near him in his free time. Plus, Nanami doesn't go out of his way to avoid Gojo. Besides, you can find someone immature and still like them. Shoko also likes Gojo, they're friends all the way back to when they were students with Suguru. They were, after all, a trio. His students like him too, though they may find him to be immature at times like everyone else does—but Gojo acts immature on purpose so pretty much everyone's going to think that  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. But once again you can like someone and be annoyed by them or find them immature at times, those things aren't mutually exclusive.

As for who respects Gojo, yes there's Yuji and I want to say Megumi said he does too but I can't remember. There's also Yuta (which makes sense because they're both Special Grade and plus he saved Yuta during the darkest time of his life tbh). I want to say there was a panel or something saying Hakari and maybe the other third years do too but that was ages ago and I can't remember for certain. I don't really have much to add, but I hope that answers things!

#monique answers things #jjk #jjk thoughts

[mhaccunoval]

Hmm how about some hypothermia, accidental drug use, and Only One Bed for the trope ask game to throw you some more :3

SOME MORE THINKERS... THINKS AND SCHEMES...

— hypothermia —

honestly a solid C. like i'm super neutral on this because it's another thing i've read barely any fic for. i think in appropriate situations (i.e., like. fucking. if its hanluke on hoth or SOMETHING) it could work, and maybe some other tags along with the hypothermia tag would catch my interest (probably more than the hypothermia tag)? though i don't know if i would be pedantic about accurate depiction of symptoms or not (simply because I'M so hit or miss about whether i want to accurately depict things in my own writing, especially if it's a plot point that'd get SOME attention but wasn't the MAIN focus). i don't want to completely write it off because who knows, maybe i'll say this and then find something with the tag that catches my eye And is well written. i think it is mainly just a matter of IF it's an appropriate context for it to take place, topped by however the narrative and characters are going to recover/move past it

— accidental drug use —

ANOTHER thing i haven't read much of, if any, so definitely a C— but one leaning towards D? mainly because i don't know how it'd reasonably fit into anything i read / would read? (i SAY that and then think about house drugging wilson several times in show, which i think would count towards this, so like WHERE DO MY LOYALTIES LIE). like maybe it's me thinking about it from a similar perspective to all those fucking Sex Pollen fics. maybe THAT'S the actual issue. though simultaneously i can't think of any GREAT scenarios of this happening (especially in trying not to worry that some non-con fics would have it). i mean i can see if it's a genuinely genuine accidental ingestion/administering And leads into the person being comforted by someone else trying to help them through it, not take advantage of them or anything, that wouldn't be as bad. perhaps you and/or someone else will have to send me some examples because now i'm curious about how i genuinely fall off the fence

— one bed —

i think this one is maybe between B and C. because of its popularity, i think it's a trope that can easily get played out And get unrealistic (or at least awkward for a presented setting) which i think is why i subconsciously avoid it usually. but of course everything is context and structure based with me so. i CAN see a scenario where a dinky motel or only has one bed and characters go through the motions of sharing it, because. dinky motels and inns are just like that. or if they're staying with someone's grandma, or whatever else. obviously i think the context of the characters themselves plays into it too because. some characters WOULD canonically fight the physical circumstance, try to sleep on a couch or even the ground, because that's just How They Are, and then reasonably transitioning from that to getting them into bed with the other person for whatever else to happen is just something the author has to grapple with. though even if that could be written well, i still think it'd be a B- or C+ simply because i would REALLY have to be in the mood for the trope to pick it out or, more realistically, find it amongst tags that better pique my interest Then read it in that regard. as with everything, i'm not COMPLETELY writing it off!!! just. i'm picky and pedantic.

#mhac.txt #ask game #jaybirdsdelight #thank you for the extras!!! #all of these are making me realize just HOW opinionated i am. OOPS

[2-lines-and-a-circle]

Link to video above: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9Q89KB_xGs 

! Warning ! Emotional talks, mentions of bullying, dark past, slight racism

1,000 + words

I know I don’t usually post things about this or anything similar, but I really want to leave everything behind, and I thought that writing this all out would help me leave it all behind. Also, I hope that if you’re someone going through something similar you can find comfort in this story and know that you are not alone. Or not, for whatever reason you are reading this I hope you respect what I’m about to talk about.

Now you’re probably questioning why I have that amv up on this post, the reason is because I cried when I first saw this and it helped me greatly to move on in life. *spoilers coming up* The amv focuses on the anime movie A Silent Voice where the main character Shōya Ishida bullies a deaf classmate named Shōko Nishimiya. Now he doesn’t bully her all by himself, but it’s a majority of the class who either join or are bystanders to the action. However, when the situation escalades, everyone points fingers at Shōya Ishida alone and this doesn’t end well. Once Shōko Nishimiya leaves the class (due to bullying), Shōya Ishida is then isolated. This leaves a bitter taste in his mouth as he can’t help but think negatively about himself as well as his actions. He acknowledges what he did was wrong and deeply regrets what actions he committed. Yet he slowly starts to block off everyone else as well, this goes to the point where he avoids making any sort of contact. This had all happened when he had been in grade school, and it wasn’t until six years after meeting Shōko Nishimiya again that he really changed.

At first it starts off with Ishida trying to make Nishimiya happy as a way to make up for all those bad memories he gave her. From taking her out to different shops to just being beside her, Ishida does just about anything. Not to mention the fact that he even made enough money to repay his debt for breaking her old hearing aids. However, Ishida still feels regret towards his past actions. He even goes so far as to block everyone with “x” on their faces. It’s not until he learns to trust and befriend that he changes. From the moment Ishida learnt to trust, did he really change from his past self who believed that he deserved to be lonely or that he was unlovable. Of course, there is much more that follows the storyline but that was the main part I wanted to highlight.

Going back to what this has to do to myself, the reason is simple, it’s because I’ve lived a life similar to this. When I was in kindergarten and first grade, I was a bully. Though I’m not proud of this I’m not ashamed either. I had bullied the boys (not the girls, just the boys) for multiple reasons. I thought this was the proper way to play with them. I thought this was interesting. At the time I was quite rebellious and didn’t listen. I just continued thinking this way. It wasn’t until I hit the end of first grade that I had this thought where what I did was wrong. However, it was already too late for me to apologize as I was already moving to a different area. It was at that moment that I knew I had to change for the better. I promised to keep my mouth shut and never harm another boy.

So, when I started second grade at a new school, I made extra precautions to never harm another boy or person no matter the cause. I had been successful too, I never harmed anyone because I never approached anyone. I always stayed silent, until we talked about our favorite food in class. That was when I had been hit with isolation from the boys and girls in my class (not everyone, I did have friends). Maybe it’s because it was too weird for them to handle but I shared that one of the snacks I enjoyed was boiled chicken feet and chicken heart. Of course, this had grossed everyone out as they all shouted how gross it was. During that time, I was purely confused and felt sorry for them as they’ve never had it but I also didn’t fight back. I thought that I should just live with them behaving like that. Little did I know that those kids would get yelled at by their older siblings though. Anyway, fast forward to fourth grade where some boys in the back of my class made fun of me for my looks and I cried. Then in fifth grade I worked hard to study fashion, and this continued all the way to eighth grade. At the same time, I experienced some slight racism like “you eat dogs haha” yeah, I fought back at that point because I was so done. Before I even thought about fighting back, I believed that I should just take those hits because I deserved it as a way to make up for the past.

Once I was in eighth grade, I had to really love myself and understand that I shouldn’t dress for the public eye but for myself. I did learn fairly quickly. Then I entered high school where someone told me, the most shocking words in my life. The first had been “you should be more confident in yourself, you're so pretty”. This shocked me because I thought I was already confident but as I opened up to them, I realized there was still a hole in my heart. I thought I had been pretty confident already but then I opened up and realized I was still scared. I was scared I would attack someone because just like my past self. A little later after working out that problem, a close friend told me that I was so kind to approach them first in becoming friends. To me I didn’t think it was an act of kindness I just thought it was something normal that everyone did. Afterwards I opened up to this boy who I would walk around and talk with during lunch (I was finally okay with boys now). I told him everything and he told me to snap out of being so sad because I was so different from who I was in the past. This was the final blow to me noticing that I was no longer the same person anymore.

Now this post is getting really long so I just summarized what this amv has to do with me. It basically summed up the story of my life and I cried lots. At the same time, I want people to understand that not all bullies stay as bullies. So, if you’re someone who is working on their path to be a better person, it’s okay if you stumble or find it hard at first. You’re going to stumble but you’re going to make it. Just as Shōya Ishida turned his life around I believe you can too!

#anime #movie #sad #i cried #amv #a silent voice #my past #it's okay

[livecharliereaction]

Ill probably make charumiq2 for next ep for easier navigation for meeee But yeah thats done now thats um aaahahahha

- bernkastel showed up i am so happy. YAY! So many mentions of this lambdadelta i kind of thought shed be satoko somehow but im not seeing it rn well see when she shows up

- i rly hope the witches wont stay as only ????? characters n get weaved into the main story but guess what im like 100% sure thatll happen at least somehow but i dont know how. Miss bern said shed help me YAYYY! So nice of her

- i can rly see what ppl mean when they say it starts slow though it wasnt a problem for me bcs i liked the characters in the family already but i can totally see it being a problem for someone else Bcs like i knew theres witches. So theres the whole "ooh u think itll be a regular murder mystery but its fantasy" "is there a 19th person ooh" Well that just doesnt happen at all. However smth ive been noticing about wtc that although theres always secrets and thus always reveals theres SO MANY mysteries that the story doesnt rly lose THAT much if u know smth (But its still important to me that i get to know things in the order the author wants me to like in general so spoilers r still being crazy avoided...)

- i had the theory that beatrice was very young when kinzo met her and was traumatized by his "love" and then died and her spirit is sort of haunting the mansion but its not entirely clicking what that would be so im ditching it for now

- i know tea party and ????? cant be taken tooooooooo seriously but theyre the main reason i dont think that anymore See Im kind of doubting the existence of a human beatrice altogether. Sure bernkastel was kinda rikaing around but it seems too complicated to compare it to that so no way

- I still cant forget lambdadelta sharing some resemblance to satoko (from the shit that i saw BEFORE i was avoiding spoilers Im talking very very slight like rly just hair n eye color) but i feel like we wont see her in the next ep at all. Im imagining (hoping) each ep might have a new witch in it. I cant imagine the gold thing going all the way through 8 eps so... (Bcos What riddle takes that long.)

- Favs r still maria and natsuhi from the human side at least Like that didnt change. And i doubt it would I also like jessica a lot i do

- motherhood goes crazy Natsuhi and Jessica i could die and also marias lack of motherly love rips me apart

- Im very curious about the physics of this though or i mean like What now? Are we going back in time? If so how much????? Im kinda imagining its just kinda similar all over again but with different sacrifices each time but the ways that can be done r hmm. Someone else might try to do as the epitaph says and thus killing people but yeah.

- Not to be battler but if ep1 were to actually be a humans doing itd be maria (u know) natsuhi (absolutely not sorry for even saying it queen but she was running around w the rifle and all and had a lot of control over some situations) or kinzo (its easiest to believe that corpse wasnt really Him out of the corpses The toe thing isnt convincing to me but theres the problem of Ok whose body is it charlie? and i wouldnt know)

- Excited and baffled it was 12 hrs i feel like i started it what maybe this week idfk School starts again so i have to slow down the pace but thats ok...

- I thought the role of "the witchs messenger" might change too but i kind of hope its just marias job each time i liked the way she did it shes so fun

- no clue abt the rules of this world yet but im excited bcs theyre spelling it out to Think about it so u know it wont be obvious I dont even think i Can make a good guess rn

- natsuhi save me

#charumi1

[jewelsunrays]

Despite my less than ideal mood a few hours back, I’m (obviously) doing better. I am grumpy because I haven’t eaten or slept since yesterday, and a few things are plaguing me, but I’m not literally repressing tears anymore so that’s better. I won’t allow myself to stay down for too long.

Fucking older brother is slamming everything in the next room. He always slams things. The only times I hear him speak is when he’s complaining or mad. Its irritating. He’s loud and I get so jumpy. He’s so inconsiderate

Unrelated, but:

The thing I’ve just found out for myself about insecurities is that they never really go away. Early this year when I rediscovered my will to live, I was like, great, now that the suicidal thoughts and depression has chilled out, I can continue on a perfectly healthy person! Nope!

All the things I dismissed, the lack of care for myself while I was depressed and not looking towards the future because I thought I didn’t want or have one, these things have accumulated and are haunting me. Now I have discovered what worry and care for my future feels like for the first time since like, 2018. I hate it, by the way! I will literally be sat doing nothing and get a sudden wave of anxiety and need to relax myself.

On the topic of that, I realised the way I take care of myself when dealing with negative emotions has changed.

I’d say before October 2021 the way I dealt with emotions was just going straight to the group chat, do a quick vent and a keyboard spam, (by vent I mean I’d make a point of emphasising I was doing bad, wait until someone asked how I was doing, say I was fine, then cry that nobody cared nor noticed my sadness💀) then lying in bed feeling shoddy and scrolling through edgy quotes about it.

Nowadays, I don’t actively tell anyone about any Genuine negative emotions (instead I take minor unimportant problems in my life and make a mountain out of a molehill to give them the illusion that I am an open and emotional person), but I do make sure not to take on anyone else’s emotional burden, I make myself a cup of tea and do a hobby I enjoy while either watching TV or listening to music, instead of just lying there basking in my negativity. Maybe have a little cry and write down what I’m feeling too. The exact opposite of before, basically.

Pros? I can take care of myself better. I know how to cheer myself up and distract myself. I write down my emotions instead of telling people, as a negotiation for bottling them up. I don’t force my emotions onto others and get mad when they don’t read my mind, even when I am clearly not doing them any favours in the matter. I am happier nowadays. Dealing with my own emotions means I can help others with theirs. Cons? I don’t tell people anything. The illusion that I am okay and experience empathy is not helpful. Not sharing my emotions and inner thoughts and feelings and things I go through means I feel distanced from people around me. I drink way too much tea. Similarities? Neither are perfect!

Anyway, as to what I was saying before that side rant. I guess its better to worry about my own future than worry about catering to other people. I’m glad I’m not like that anymore. Nowadays I think I’d rather die than be a people pleaser. I’m sure people pleasers would agree, but they’d probably be lying to ‘spare my feelings’ and ‘avoid a fight’. (Sorry but its true.)

You’d think being a previous people-pleaser I’d understand but my newfound ability to logically read into every situation and only ever know how to give advice when someone comes to me venting has led to me lacking: ✨empathy✨. Therefore every time, my lack of empathy and the way I think logically about emotional situations always lead me to: ‘Oh my god! Just fucking say no! The only reason you are in this situation! Is because you are not saying no! You are not saying anything about the situation to people who are worsening it! And most of the time the very people you are complaining about would help you if you just communicated!’

The amount of times I wish I could go back and scream that in the face of my younger self…

[wallflowerimagines]

Hi! I looove your posts! Thank you so much for sharing your writing!

I was wondering… could you maybe write about the Four Lords with a shy S/O that gets bold and defensive when someone insults the lords? or calls them names? And the Lord’s reaction to the S/O acting different? Dk if im explaining myself >.<

Again! Love your work! Have a great day!

We stan protective partners on this blog!!

Warnings: uh...insults? They're pretty over the top😅 Also swearing.

Alcina Dimitrescu

Honestly, Alcina is more than able to defend herself.

She's got a tongue like a viper, and the thickest skin imaginable. If you really want to hurt her feelings, you have to be someone whom she already respects to a certain degree, or she won't even be phased.

Still, when she leaves a room, there's always some idiot that thinks it's a smart idea to talk shit.

Maybe it's a maid, maybe it's a guest in the Castle, but either way you're not having it.

"God, you're annoying." There was a pause before they opened their mouth again, and you rolled your eyes. "No please, by all means, continue to share your lack of taste with the rest of us."

You disassemble this dumbass, starting small with comments about their personality (trying to keep it classy), but escalating the more they choose to double down on the comments.

Alcina comes back into the room to find you practically screaming at this asshole.

"Look, all you have accomplished here today is revealing that you are a fundamental disappointment on every possible level. My life is worse now that I've heard you open your mouth, you disrespectful, shit licking worm fucker."

Alcina is stunned. You do not give off "aggressive guard dog" vibes at all, yet here you are defending her tooth and nail. While she had seen brief moments of your inner strength and protective streak (mostly towards her daughters) she just...never thought you would do the same for her.

It's not because she doesn't trust you or love you! But nobody has ever done something like this for her before? Ever? She's never had anyone try to protect her--not physically, and not even verbally. She's been so independent for so long that it's... Strange to see you support her so openly.

She doesn't need you to do this for her, she doesn't even expect it, but you do it anyway for no other reason than the fact that you love her. You want people to give her the respect she deserves.

I'm going to be real here: Alcina has never been closer to swooning before in her life. You're overcoming your shyness because you believe in her so much-- it's not a gesture meant to be romantic, but Alcina can't help but see this as a massive statement of your commitment to her.

Seriously. This is such a massive thing for her that if proposals weren't already on her mind, she is mentally picking out a ring for you the minute this happens.

Then, of course, she glides into the room, kisses you until you're breathless and babbling, and smirks at the unfortunate peon who thought they could get away with insulting House Dimitrescu.

She's in such a good mood that she's considering going easy on the idiot. Maybe removing their tongue would be enough of a warning?

Donna Dimitrescu

You don't really know how it's possible but apparently some people don't like Donna Beneviento? Some people think she's scary and unpleasant????

Wild. Can't imagine what that's like.

The two of you are honestly the sweetest, most toothrottingly adorable couple-- blushing when you hold each other's hands, sneaking glances at each other across rooms, giving each other kisses and forgetting whatever was on your mind...

Honestly, anybody who's critical of your relationship with your girlfriend is just a hater. Fuckers can pound sand😤

Still, you are pretty shy, so it takes a lot for you to defend yourself if someone comments about you. It can take a lot of courage to stand up against rude remarks, and sometimes it's easier to walk away.

Defending Donna, on the other hand?

The minute someone even thinks about dismissing her, you are ready to throw hands.

"My lovely girlfriend already said no, meaning you're either deaf or too stupid to pick up on simple social cues," you purse your lips and give the rude and pushy Villager a patronizing once over. "You and your opinion are equally useless. Get the fuck away from us."

Donna blinks.

She... Was not expecting this??? At all?? You're so nice! You always tell her about your attempts to avoid confrontation! What's going on??? How did you get the guts to say what she's always wanted to say?

Meanwhile, Angie is LIVING.

The little doll chimes in to assist you with the verbal homicide, working as a tag team to absolutely murder this moron. She's half partner, half hype man, and is so excited to do this with you. Normally, she has to protect Donna all by herself, but she's relieved and reassured that you stepped in first.

'USELESS IS TOO NICE, THOUGH! THAT IMPLIES THEY AREN'T A POINTLESS, RANCID, LONELY FREAK. THEY LOOK LIKE THEY CRY WHEN THEY MASTURBATE.'

You high five Angie, still glaring daggers at the unfortunate villager.

The two of you continue to ream into the villager, while Donna hovers nearby.

As surprised as she is, she's also grateful. She's only really ever had Angie to help shield her from insults and disrespect (and occasionally inducing horrifying hallucinations that make people claw off their own skin), but having you in her corner makes her feel safe.

Not to get totally sappy, but you're like her knight in shining armor in a lot of ways. And the fact you two are so similar is really motivating-- She wants to one day be confident enough to return the favor. Until then, she's happy to watch her two favorite people have fun insulting some stranger ❤️

Salvatore Moreau

With you being so shy, Salvatore is surprised how often he takes the lead in your relationship.

He's not normally all that outgoing, but you seem to bring out a side of him that's very protective. Whenever you have a bad day he wants to bundle you up and keep you safe from the world.

If he so much as holds your hand you start stuttering and avert your gaze. It creates a feedback loop where you both get flustered, but Moreau has never felt steadier. Despite your shyness, you make sure he knows how much you love him.

You're sweet as pie and twice as kind--Salvatore is the luckiest man in the world, nobody can convince him otherwise 💕💕

So it comes as a total shock that when a passing fisherman spits in your path and calls him a freak, your entire demeanor does a 180.

Your posture straightens and you look the villager dead in the eye, "I don't believe anyone asked your opinion."

Salvatore: 😳

This is not the time, and he totally knows it, but, uh, something about your tone??? Really does it for him???

While he's attempting to process why exactly he's starting to short circuit, you proceed to verbally shred this person to bits with clinical efficiency-- nothing is off limits.

They might try to defend themselves, but it's useless. You do not let up.

"Ugly? Monster? Bitch your teeth are throwing gang signs, don't throw stones from your shining glass house."

You insult their appearance, what they're holding, their smell-- you get so fucking mean that you might even make them cry.

Moreau is just lost right now, trying hard to figure out how exactly you were able to gain all of this confidence so quickly.

He's not upset! In fact he's very flattered! But, he also doesn't want you to get into a fight with some unimportant stranger. (After all, if they so much as throw a punch, they're straight up dead. Moreau is a patient man, but he's not that patient. You do not hurt his partner and live to tell the tale.)

He may a healer but...

Eventually he steps between you and the fisherman in an attempt to deescalate the situation, but you just kiss him on the cheek and step around him, determined to make your point.

Blushing hard, Moreau lets you do what you want. What can he say? Fish man likes himself a protective partner 💞

Karl Heisenberg

Magnet Man is not the most social guy to begin with, so any opportunities you have to stick up for him are already pretty slim.

He mostly knows you as the shy, sweet, easily flustered partner that lets out a cute squeak every time he sneaks up to hug you from behind.

Karl's honestly happy just to spend time with you all alone in the Factory. It's not the best or healthiest mindset, but he'd be perfectly content to only ever see you for the rest of his life. Spending time with anybody else feels like a boring waste in comparison.

But occasionally, you do head out into town with him. Heisenberg wants you to be safe so he doesn't do it often, but running errands with you is a weakness of his. It's domestic in a way that he's never experienced before.

He likes it ❤️

What he does not like is the shopkeeper starting to give their opinions on the quality of your relationship with him.

Most insults Karl will let slide because he doesn't particularly care. However if anyone makes a comment on how scared (shy) you look around him, how you must be being threatened into being with him, how poorly Lord Heisenberg is treating you...he won't stand for it.

But before his fingers can even twitch towards his hammer, you snap.

"You're clearly the blindest cocksucker I've ever met--so wipe the cum out of eyes and mind your own fucking business."

Karl does a double take.

He's heard you curse before, but quietly. The words coming out of your mouth are WILD right now, he has NEVER seen you so angry. You're defending him with the aggression of a wild animal, and it's simultaneously HILARIOUS, but for some reason he's also getting a warm fuzzy feeling in his chest?

He doesn't need you to protect him like this, but seeing you blatantly argue how much you love and cherish him in public reassures him in a way he didn't know he needed.

Still, hearing you call the shopkeeper "shit for brains" is the funniest thing that's happened in years.

Heisenberg starts laughing, and the more you shout at the idiot, the harder he laughs. Is it weird how hard he wants to kiss you right now?

Eventually, he just has to drag you away, cackling as you continue to shout insults at the unfortunate shopkeep. There's got to be an alley around here for some good old fashioned privacy 💕

#lady dimitrescu x reader #alcina dimitrescu x reader #donna beneviento x reader #salvatore moreau x reader #karl heisenburg x reader #resident evil village #re8 #resident evil 8 #resident evil #alcina dimitrescu #donna beneviento #salvatore moreau #angie beneviento #karl heisenberg #angie the doll #swearing #insults

[devildomdisaster]

hi! if this is ok could i request something similar to the thing about mammon being mc’s first choice but with leviathan? like how would they react if mc always spends time with him and he’s generally just always their first choice? love ur writing btw❤️

Thank you, Anon!

Leviathan is Mc's first choice

Lucifer:

Lucifer is glad you are so important to his brothers. Truly he is. He thinks it’s great that you can give Levi the confidence boost he so dearly needed. Still though, his pride is hurt. Lucifer wants his family to be happy more than almost anything else so he’ll get over his hurt pride for his brother’s sake. Give him time though, it is not easy to overcome his sin. You seem to truly like Leviathan for who he is, always standing up for him and putting an end to his self-deprecation. Lucifer experiences a different kind of pride as he watches you encourage Levi to value himself. “Mc! I thought we talked about not running in the halls.” “Sorry Lucifer!” you waved a DVD case “I got this new anime and there’s no way Levi has it yet so-” You’re bouncing excitedly, clearly eager to bolt to Levi’s room. “Thank you Mc,” he says sincerely, grateful that you care so deeply for Leviathan. “Hmm? For what?” “That will be all, Mc” Lucifer waves you off. You shrug and continue to Levi’s room.

Mammon:

Really, you’re going to choose Levi over him? Does being your first mean nothing? Mammon acts really arrogant about it. The fact that you chose Levi as your main man is a hit to his pride. Everyone knows Mammon has poorly hidden feelings for you but despite these feelings, Mammon is happy for his little brother. He can be content being a friend, even if he does come in second. Although Mammon will still try to rope you into his schemes in an attempt to steal some of your attention from Levi. Mammon hasn’t seen Levi this happy in years and it’s nice to see Levi actively participating in the real world as well as in the 2D world.

Levi:

Um, what? Mc, he doesn’t understand. At all. Why would you choose him? It’s pretty clear that all of his brothers love you, so why would you choose him when you could have any of them? Levi is so awkward at first. Stuttering and blushing at the smallest praise or physical contact from you. Despite his initial reactions, he is so happy to be your favorite. Having you run to him for help or affection or anything else gives him a warm fuzzy feeling inside that rivals the feeling he gets when he gets even the rarest Ruri chan merchandise. He loves you so much. But it’s a strange feeling knowing his brothers envy him for a change. Levi likes to show you off because of this, just a little bit. But he also likes to pull you away from his brothers and spend some time alone with you. Especially if you are in an affectionate mood. It’s just too much for him to handle sometimes and despite still being a blushing mess in his room he is more able to accept your attention when there is no one to judge him.

Satan:

For Satan, the fact that Levi is your favorite is a two-sided coin. On one hand, he did- does like you. He can’t deny that he wants your attention, something about you just makes him feel… But on the other hand, Satan can clearly see that your interests match up with Levi’s far more than his. So it makes complete sense that he would be your favorite. Besides, seeing Levi’s face when you run straight for him is both heartwarming and hilarious. Levi’s face does this half-frightened he won't catch you, half in love expression when you launch yourself into his arms and Satan finds that expression priceless. He truly is happy for Levi even though he is jealous at times.

Asmo:

Levi? “But Mc, I’m clearly the obvious choice. I mean look at me!” As Asmo watches you beeline to Levi when you’ve got news or when you need protection, he feels like maybe it’s ok that you didn’t choose him. But when you would rather spend time watching anime or gaming with Levi than go shopping or clubbing with him Asmo is legitimately confused. “Mc, you’re too beautiful to be sitting in a dark room where no one can see you, wouldn’t you rather let me show you off?” It’s not that Asmo doesn’t value Levi or isn’t happy for him, it’s just that he doesn’t understand the appeal of Levi’s interests. Besides, Asmo can get very jealous when he sees how genuine your feelings for Levi are. He wants that too!

Beel:

Beel is so happy for Levi. It is so cute to see you duck behind Levi when you're scared or curl up on his lap during movie nights. Beel is the one to go to if you ever need advice for anything concerning Levi. He’s got his jealousy completely under control (for the most part) because honestly, he finds your relationship with Levi completely adorable. Beel definitely quietly ships the two of you. I can see Beel as someone who is happy to be able to spend any time with you at all. Even though the others might complain about Levi being your first choice, Beel knows that doesn’t mean you don’t value being friends with him. It’s just that your feelings and comfort level with Levi are different.

Belphie:

Anger, then acceptance. Belphie is angry at first because Levi has also put you in danger when he lost control of his anger. So why couldn’t you forgive him and choose him? Why Levi? Mostly he is angry at himself because you not choosing him makes sense to him. As he works through this feeling Belphie is prone to avoiding situations where he can see how clearly Levi is your first choice. Belphie outwardly comes to terms with the situation fairly quickly, it might take a few extra days for him to truly accept it. He really does care for you and for Levi. He is happy for his brother, especially once he sees how happy Levi is. It’s good to see Levi invested in the well-being of something that isn’t 2D. And seeing you happily skip to Levi’s room to share some tidbit of good news or proudly show off a RAD report card makes him smile in spite of himself.

#obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #obey me x gender neutral reader #obey me x reader #obey me x mc #obey me leviathan #obey me levi x mc #obey me lucifer #obey me levi x reader #obey me lucifer x mc #mammon x mc #asmodeus x reader #asmo x mc #obey me asmodeus #obey me satan #satan x mc #obey me beelzebub #beel x mc #obey me belphie #belphie x mc

[akaashisupremacy]

Moments of Courage

Summary: Osamu Miya is a difficult ex to have. When your paths cross endlessly, you try to rebuild your relationship. Will there be second chances? Or just more broken hearts?

HQ Masterlist || Multi-fandom Masterlist || Read it on A03

Osamu Miya  x reader  

“Are you leaving this party because of me?”

Osamu calls you out from the tiny hallway of your friend’s get together. After locking eyes with him, you did your best to subtly scamper towards the door.

“You don’t have to go. I can leave if it’s making you uncomfortable.” he assures.

You shake your head, “You can stay. I’m not having that much fun.”

You begin shuffling through the coat rack to look for yours. You’re desperate for anything to cut the time talking to him, talking about him. The only guaranteed way for this to stop is to leave.

“Are you hiding from me?” he asks almost rhetorically. His brows are gently raised.

“Yeah, obviously,” you retort, “I don’t want to be seen by you or with you.”

Osamu Miya is your ex. After over a year of dating, he decided to end things with you in a small cafe far off his onigiri stall.

“I’m too busy,” he claimed, “You deserve someone who could give you more time.”

You reasoned out that you didn’t mind not spending so much time together. His job was time-consuming. You understood that.

But Osamu was unsettled. You didn’t mind cheering him on from the benches waiting for him to finish up work. You liked seeing Osamu do things he was passionate about. And yet he felt unsettled, because he knew this was the type of work you would not engage in.

Osamu pressed on, “I’m sure you’ll find yourself someone more worldly, more sophisticated in the city. I don’t want to prevent you from meeting someone like that.”

Something dropped at the pit of your stomach. Your mouth was ajar. He’s really trying to break up with you. It’s no secret that you preferred the city and Osamu the countryside, but neither of you seemed to mind. You’d both make the time to visit each other. You made it work.

You remember barely touching your drink. Listening to him talk was like having a ton of bricks dropped on your back. The sunlight pouring in from the glass window suddenly felt prickly.

“I just don’t think we’re a good fit.” he swallowed, unable to look you in the eye, “I think someone from the country, someone simpler and more traditional would be better for me.”

You don’t miss the yearning in his voice, the dreaminess for someone who was clearly not you. He’d always tease that you were a true blue big city girl. You liked the tall buildings, the noise and the fancy department stores. You thought it was a point of endearment, but apparently not.

It’s been almost a year since you last saw him. He looks so unaffected it irks you.

“I broke up with you respectfully. Why are you mad?” he scratches his head.

It takes all your self-control to not slap him across the face.

“Because you hurt me! You’ve hurt me so…so…much.” your voice hitches before you can catch it. This is so humiliating. He’s clearly moved on from you.

Tears start pouring down your face. You quickly hide your eyes behind your coat.

“You’d eventually realize that I’m not right for you.” he murmurs, “We’re too different.”

“You don’t get to decide that for me.” you snap, clenching your fists, “So is this is it? To make you feel better you’re going to date a small town girl to solve all your problems.”

“Well, Kita did introduce me to someone lately.” he unironically replies, “She works in her family ryokan (inn) and we work similar hours. I think we’ll understand each other more than we did.”

Your eyes narrow.

“There’s no point staying in a relationship that I can’t make time for. Why can’t you understand that?” he snaps back.

It is one thing to be left for someone else and another for him to dump you just because. Somehow you feel like you lost even if you didn’t even have competition. He simply didn’t want you.

Your face contorts into an angry frown.

You slip on your coat and grab the door. “Man, you are a terrible ex. Do you know how it hurts when you tell me how wrong I was for you?”

When Osamu regains his cool, he tries to reach out to you, “I didn’t mean it that way…I didn’t feel good that I could make time for ‘ya and so I let the relationship go. Because i don’t know…—“

“Well, this is all just theory anyways.” he says, “I haven’t met Kita’s friend yet. We haven’t gone out yet, just the two of us.”

You do a double turn. “What?!?”

“Yeah, we’re working all the time but we haven’t made the time to meet.”

You break into a laugh. He stands stunned and confused.

“You know what? You stay behind. You left the last time. I want to be the one to leave this time.” you sigh, closing the door behind you.

You don’t turn back to see the look on his face.

————————————— Osamu mostly works in the countryside which means that you’d be less likely to run into each other in the city. It’s easier for you to keep your mind off him and focus on your current life.

So when you see him in the corner store in place of a small fried chicken stall you used to frequent, you’re visibly shocked, appalled even.

“What are you doing here?!” you jump back, “What happened to the fried chicken stall that was here?”

Osamu looks left and right, making sure no approaching customers can hear your dialogue.

“I run this stall now. Kawaneshi-san retired. It’s a great location. I’m literally in a crossroad between a shopping district and some schools. The rent isn’t too bad and it’s a very busy location.” he answers in his usual no nonsense tone.

You make a mental list not to pass by here again.

He recognizes the look on your face, “Have I just ruined your usual route for you?”

“I thought you were a country boy.” you avoid answering him.

“Even I need to make a living.” he snorts, carefully arranging umeboshi-flavored onigiri in his display case.

Sure! All of a sudden working in the city becomes important after he breaks up with you!

You roll your eyes and curtly walk away. You got here first. You love this city. You refuse to let some onigiri-making man ruin your everyday route.

The days roll into weeks. You stick to your route and diligently ignore Osamu each time. After a while it stops feeling weird that he’s there. You feel like you’re slowly taking pieces of yourself that he broke.

It feels so good to start to be whole again.

———————————— Your newfound peace with Osamu is interrupted when he calls you out of the blue one evening. He calls to tell you that he’s sick and that he needs help running groceries. The nerve!

“Don’t you have anyone else?” you groan. Hasn’t he made friends with some other shopkeepers?

“I have no one else. There’s only you.” he coughs through his words. He tries to explain that one of his few friends is out on bereavement.

You let it go. He clearly doesn’t have anyone for today.

You find out that Osamu lives in the apartment above his stall. The space is rather small. He shares his home with some of the equipment and supplies from his store.

He must hate it here. Osamu always loved wide open spaces.

You open the fridge to find it totally empty. His sink has a few empty bowls from his earlier rice porridges. You understand his desperation. He had nothing to eat.

Moved by his situation and the little compassion for him that remains in you, you sigh and begin chopping up some vegetables to make a nutritious broth. You add in some mushrooms and root crops. While the soup boils, you prepare rice and some pickles.

The faster he recovers, the less you have to interact with him.

When you bring him a tray of food in his room, he is equal parts surprised and confused.

“You can cook?” he clears his throat.

“No, Osamu.” you roll your eyes, “I eat all my food raw.”

He sits up and sniffs the aroma of your food through his clogged nose. He dips a spoon into the soup to sample his first meal of the day.

“I mean you can cook well, like a proper home cook.” he says, his eyes wide with awe. He quickly takes a few more sips and starts on his rice.

“I’ve never known.” he croaks, turning to you.

“You never asked,” you shrug, “And you like to do the cooking yourself. You probably assumed I can’t cook, because I’m not as passionate about food as you are.”

He quietly eats and looks away to confirm the truth in your statement.

You sigh and take a nearby basin with some towels in it. “I’ll leave after I bring the basin back.”

——————————————- Something changes in your relationship with Osamu after that incident. He starts to greet you when you walk by and sometimes offers you onigiri from his store.

You always insist on paying. He doesn’t always take it.

“You’re here to make a living.” you say as you push money into his hands.

In between these exchanges you start to ask about each other again. How are you doing? Was today busy? Stuff like that.

Slowly and surely, you two were rebuilding your relationship ground up. But it was tough. Neither of you went beyond these interactions. Maybe things are just meant to stay that way.

One late evening, the last customer for the day disappears out of Osamu’s line of sight when he heads into the back to start cleaning up. He’s about to start pulling down the rafters when you suddenly show up at his counter.

His face expresses his surprise.

“If it’s too late, I can just go.” you gesture sheepishly.

He’s always surprised when you come here on your own volition.

“It’s not,” he denies, “I was closing up too early anyways.”

You pick out your usual onigiri flavors and quickly pay up. As soon as you turn your back, Osamu stammers at you.

“I-I’m cooking up some stuff at the back. Do you want to stay and eat? Think of it as a return favor for the other week.” he refers to the episode of his sick day.

You’re caught off guard but you slowly nod your head to agree. You hadn’t had Osamu’s cooking in a while and it was getting quite late. He opens the door for you and you follow him towards the back of his shop.

In a messy plastic table, you see an array of salads and pickles with different kinds of miso soup laid out. You feel almost intrusive, even more than last week.

You set the table. Osamu fetches hot rice.

It feels unnecessary for you to be here especially if he is with someone else. You do your best to keep your mouth shut. This is a friendly return of favor.

Osamu notices how unusually quiet you are. He chats you up about work. He tries his best to be animated and show interest in your latest project. He asks about your coworkers and your work environment. Were you having fun? Do you get to eat on time?

For dessert, he brings out mochi wrapped in leaves.

“It’s made by the girl I was telling you about.” he remarks, while clearing the dishes.

“Oh,” your heart sinks. You get up and leave, feeling humiliated by your naivety. Of course he’s with her. You feel stupid for even hoping.

You’re about to walk out when he comes back in. “Apparently, she’s been secretly in a relationship with another chef in her family inn. They recently got married and are hoping to start a family soon. She sent these down to inform me. I suppose that solves the problem of having to see someone outside of work—”

He sees you standing. Confusion runs through his expression.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“Just stretching…” you lie.

You want to shoot yourself in the foot in embarrassment.

When realization dawns on him, Osamu looks crestfallen. Any energy left in his body abandons him. He sighs, resigned.

“It’s ok if you want to go,” he nods, “Or if I’m making you uncomfortable.”

He bites his lip and looks down on his shoes. The room is still and pregnant with silence.

“I really am just stretching. My hip feels wonky from sitting all day.” you insist with some renewed energy. You grab hold of the pot on the table. “Also, can we get some more hot water? Tea would be nice with the mochi and it’s kind of gone cold.”

He offers to make another pot, relief evident on his face.

“I’ll go heat up the water.” he walks to the kettle, “Are you sure you want dessert?”

You sit back down.

“Yeah, I want to stay.” you murmur. For once you don’t go running to the door.

He glances at you, content, a small smile creeping on his face. ——————————————————

Atsumu, Osamu’s twin brother, always finds himself in his brother’s kitchen every time he visits. He doesn’t mind too much though. It gives them something to do when they catch up.

“Samu, you can’t still be moping around your ex!” Atsumu exclaims. He’s washing Osamu’s dishes as his brother prepares for their meal.

“I’m not ready to get back out there.” Osamu waves dismissively.

Atsumu flicks some water his way. “You’re just not open to seeing someone else.”

His words clearly prick Osamu who throws flour into his face. Atsumu dodges right on time and flicks some flour right back.

Some flour grazes Osamu’s sleeve. He sighs and dusts himself.

“It’s tough, because I’m working all the time. This job doesn’t pay too much and it’s not glamorous. Who’d wanna date someone like me?” he murmurs.

“That’s why you gotta date around to find out!” Atsumu emphasizes, “Maybe you’ll even find someone who might help you with your business when you get married.”

Osamu obstinately shakes his head. “It’s not as easy as you think.”

Atsumu dries his hand and carefully observes his brother. He puts his towel down onto the kitchen counter and raises his brow, “Or maybe I should just give you advice on getting back together.’

As if right on cue, Osamu slams his hand down onto the counter, “I hate that we still haven’t gotten back together. This is killing me!”

Atsumu chuckles in satisfaction. He’s hit the nail right on the head.

“Why has nothing happened yet? I’m already in the city!” Osamu continues on, “They can cook too! Did you know that?! I wish we can skip to the part where we can settle down.”

He vigorously gestures in frustration.

“I cannot! I just cannot move on until I know I’ve given everything to make this work and yet every time I see them all I do is offer them food!”

Atsumu places his hand on his brother’s shoulder, “You need to be more strategic about it. Here’s what you need to do…”

———————————————————————————

Osamu takes a deep breath before knocking at your door. He holds a bag of onigiri in one hand and whatever courage he has in another.

One knock, then another. He hasn’t been this nervous in a long while.

When you open the door, his ear picks up on a male voice inside your house. Combined with your expression, he realizes that he’s come at an inconvenient time.

“I brought you something.” he tries to smile despite the sweat pooling, “I made you lunch. I just wanted to make sure you were eating. We don’t have to talk. I just wanted to give this to you.”

He tries to look past your shoulder, attempting to glimpse at your guests.

“Are you seeing someone else by any chance?” he blurts out, “I want to clarify before I make any more free deliveries.”

You frown. “That’s none of your business, Osamu. You should leave.”

Your frankness pierces something within him. He hadn’t expected to be rejected so quickly.

Osamu’s eyes widen and his mouth drops. He quickly gathers himself before he gets disheartened.

“I want you to give me a second chance. You loved me so deeply. Maybe you can find love in me again.” he says quietly.

“I thought I was too much of a city girl for you,” you retort, despite lacking an edge in your voice. You notice his hands tightly clutching the plastic bag.

The noise at the back seems to melt away. It’s like you’re back in that party, standing too close to each other near the coat rack and the door.

“Maybe you’re not.” his shoulders gracefully go up and down.

You shook your head wryly, “Osamu, I haven’t changed. I like my job and the city. I’m not the life and business partner that you’re looking for. I’m just a customer and we should keep it that way.”

“I can stop if you like.” he offers meekly, putting his hands behind his back.

“Yeah, you should. You’ve hurt me so much.” you cover your mouth with your hands while you try not to sob, “There’s nothing to go back to.”

“I’m sorry I ended things the way I did.” he looks away, “Seeing you walk by me every day feels like penitence…“

You close the door before he says anymore.

Osamu gazes longingly at the door. It’s only now that the full weight of losing you sinks in.

—————————————— “How’d it go?” Atsumu calls to check on Osamu.

Osamu sucks in his breath, his palm pressed on his temple. Atsumu braces himself, this doesn’t sound good.

“They had someone else over.” Osamu is seething in frustration and angry tears.

“Calm down. Were they alone? Or was it a friend group?” Atsumu ’s mind races. He sifts through the situation in an attempt to placate his brother.

“Yeah? No? I don’t know.” Osamu snaps, “They told me she didn’t want to talk about it. Your advice sucks!”

Osamu walks most of the way home. When he catches sight of his store, he curses. He had left his damn bike at your apartment complex! The universe is not giving him any breaks today.

He sighs and continues towards his store. He had a friend watch it while he was away. He’ll have to come pick up after he closes the store.

Throughout the rest of the day, he tries to push you out of his mind. By the time he closes the store, he is bursting at the seams with anticipation to make his way back to your apartment.

Before he sets off, he sees your figure wheeling his bike towards him.

“You left your bike.” you breathe out. You fish something out of your pocket and toss him the key to his bike lock, “You left this in your lock too.”

“Every time you see me, I just look dumber and dumber.” he sighs in exasperation.

You can’t help but burst into laughter at his candidness. He perks up a bit. He hasn’t made you laugh in a while. Of course he’d rather have you laugh with him than at him. Still, this was a start right?

"Did Atsumu put you up to this?" you chuckle, handing the bike over.

“Yeah, how did you know?” he asks dumbfounded.

“I just do.” you scoff, “It’s not like you to show up on people’s doors.”

He sheepishly rubs the back of his neck, “Sorry about that. It won’t happen again. It was a moment of weakness.”

Your eyes lower, framing the sad expression that sets into your face, “Yeah, it better not. I’ve moved on.”

You turn around to walk away. In a brief moment of courage, he cups his hands around his mouth.

“I’m not ready to move on from you and if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me.” he calls out.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @itstheee-ha-chan @kaizumi @holaaaf @glxar​

Comment or message to be added to the taglist! I’m definitely making a part 2!

#osamu miya #miya osamu #osamu miya x you #osamu miya x reader #osamu miya x y/n #miya twins #miya twins x you #miya twins x reader #miya osamu x y/n #miya osamu x reader #miya osamu x you #osamu x reader #osamu x y/n #hq x self insert #hq x you #hq x reader #haikyuu fanfic #hq fanfic #hinata fic #osamu angst