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boba-at-323 · 1 year

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Love Once Again...

Note: Renjun is literally an asshole in this I'm so sorry || I swore at Renjun WAY more than I should have || Thank you @jaehunnyy for beta reading this ! || I'm sorry if there were mistakes, I literally did not have the stamina to re read this ;-;

Playlist : One Last Time - Ariana Grande || Miss Me Too - Katherine Li || Love Me Now - NCT 127 || Urs - NIKI || Remember that night - Sara Kays || Time Lapse - Kim Taeyeon

You knew going to Haechan’s party was a bad idea, it always was. But you hadn’t thought it would be “bad” bad.

For the record, whenever Haechan – the most popular (and not to mention hottest) student on campus – threw parties at his place, they contrasted his whole “perfect” image. They were actually just a series of misfortunate events disguised as parties. From extreme, groundless fights breaking out of nowhere to stuff like sudden, random power outages; everything happened at his place on the day he had planned out some event. And even though everyone knew how cursed his parties were, they were still thrilled to hang out with him because after all, it was Haechan– who in their right mind would decline his invites?

Although you witnessed all the damned episodes that took place at his house, you never minded them. Like all the others, you enjoyed crashing at his place whenever he asked you to join him. Even if you weren’t in the mood, it was obligatory for you to go since he was one of your oldest friends and fairly speaking, going to his party was better than hearing him rant and complain for weeks just because you didn’t show up. However, ignoring how everything usually took a miserable turn, you had to admit his parties were actually something no one should be missing out on. For a 22 year old, he was quite the host.

It was actually because of Haechan and his jinxed gatherings that you met the love of your life (or so you thought) –Huang Renjun from Psychology, who was also the same age as Haechan himself. In fact, Haechan was a friend whom you and Renjun shared. Even though you had seen Renjun around the college a fair amount of times, you never took any special notice of his existence.

It wasn’t until one night at Haechan’s place, you had seen Renjun standing awkwardly in a corner all by himself, literally embodying the standing-man emoji. You figured that he wasn’t much of a party person, feeling sympathy when your eyes locked with his lost ones. You hesitantly approached him but once you felt comfortable around him, the both of you ditched the party only to find yourself in a McDonald’s drive thru joking and giggling like mad. From that day onwards, you continued growing closer and closer until the day Renjun decided to end your said “friendship” and change it into something more…meaningful.

Haechan was over the moon when he found out that his best friend was dating his other best friend, leaving the both of you in utter shock when you found out that he had a bet with Na Jaemin from Sociology over how you both would make a perfect couple. And not missing the chance, he simply had to make arrangements for the celebration of the grand event as soon as he got time on his hands.

You had been very content with being labelled as Renjun’s girlfriend, proud even. And he could say the same for you. Your mind had created a whole time capsule with his name engraved on it, treasuring even the smallest memory of the moments you spent with him. From dancing together to whatever music was playing in your apartment to sharing secret kisses on the empty streets during rainy nights, he became the most important chapter in the book of your life. Whenever he looked at you with his twinkling, adoration–filled eyes or whenever he showed you that beautiful smile of his, you would fall for him all over again. He made your universe complete, he made you complete. You just couldn’t imagine your life without him, but apparently life could imagine you without him and that’s exactly what it did.

With the crushing stress of the nearing finals on your shoulders, your irritation took over the best of you. So you decided that, before you hurt someone and had to live with the regret of it for the rest of your life, the safest option was to distance yourself only till the end of the exams which were about two months away. But something in the back of your mind was constantly bothering you – actually, it was worrying you.

Since Renjun had left the city for some upcoming event he had signed himself up for, you hadn’t heard from him for about three months now. You thought you were overthinking the whole situation but for someone who sent good morning / good night texts nearly everyday, you couldn’t help but feel like something awful was about to happen. Nevertheless, biting the unpleasant feeling back, you tried your best not to think about it too much. Ignoring the endless echoing of his name in your head, you continued to distract yourself with your studies. It wasn’t an easy task, but you had to manage.

A few weeks prior to your finals, a usual–midnight–studying session of yours was interrupted when you felt your phone vibrate from somewhere underneath the piled–up notes. Someone was calling. Who could be calling you at midnight? Confused, you searched for your phone. However, when you saw the caller ID, chills ran down your spine along with a feeling of an immediate rush of adrenaline throughout your body – it was Renjun. Nearly throwing off the books resting on your lap, you hurriedly picked the phone up as if a second’s delay would make the communication device disappear from your hands.

“Renjun?”, his name leaves your lips quicker than you could hold yourself back.

What follows is complete deafening silence, your heart hammering against your chest wanting to escape before your tormenting thoughts come to reality. His timing was odd, but his lack of response was even peculiar. This wasn’t something you were used to.

“Hey? Where have you been? It’s been really long...” you continued, trying to start up a conversion all while biting your lip in fear.

“Y/n, we need to talk.”

That was all he said, no ‘hello’, no ‘how are you?’, no ‘I missed you’ – just a cold, hard ‘we need to talk’. His tone was unfamiliar, frigid – a tone which was foreign to you. It didn’t seem like you were talking to Renjun, your boyfriend. No, the person on the other end was just a stranger, someone you had never known.

You chose to ignore the lump forming in your throat, but you couldn’t avoid the haze taking over your brain. According to all those books and dramas you had read and watched, those five words were never a good omen.

“Is–Is everything alright?” you gulped, mentally cursing at yourself for stuttering.

You heard Renjun take a deep breath, preparing himself for the storm he was about to stir up. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to gather the courage to tell you something he had been thinking about for a quiet while now. The thought of doing his next step was easier than actually implementing it.

“Look…” His sigh was silent yet it said so much, “I–I don’t think this is working out.”

With his said words hitting you ears, you felt a throbbing pain in your head as everything went blank. Your throat and mouth went completely dry at his unexpected statement. The ground beneath your feet had been pulled away with your knees failing to keep themselves straight. You felt weak, sick even. Everything was happening so fast, so suddenly that your mind was refusing to accept the cruel reality. It wasn’t even making sense, he wasn’t making sense.

“Wh-what–”, that was all you managed to barely whisper. You hoped what you heard was wrong, hoped that the boy wasn't saying what you thought he was.

“I’m sorry y/n…” he broke the agonising silence again, “I think it’s best for the both of us to stop seeing each other.”

“Bu-But why– Wh-where is all of this co-coming from?” Before you knew it, tears were brimming in your eyes, your body felt tense yet weak at the same time.

“Listen...” he mumbled, trying to end the call as soon as he could, as if he had been forced to break the news to you, “Just. Don’t try to contact me again. Goodbye, y/n.”

The following beeping noise which came from the inside of your phone tortured you as your senses went numb. Your brain wasn’t processing whatever the hell just happened. Thoughts tangled themselves up in your brain, how could he just– leave you like that? Without any explanation, without any reasoning… Did he expect you to just use your imagination? What was this, an open ending book? And why would someone so mindful like Renjun break up with you over a phone call like a coward?

Questions over questions piled themselves up and you tried to call him again and again, but it was of no use. He wasn’t picking up and your texts weren’t delivered because he had blocked you within a span of a few minutes. You sat on the ground defeated, as if the world had stopped spinning for you, as if there was no further purpose in life.

Where did what go wrong?

Whatever the reason for his outrageously baffling behaviour was– because of him, the months which followed were living hell for you.

After that miserable night, you completely shut yourself out. You avoided all your friends, even Haechan and his invites which were actually poor attempts to divert your attention once he found out what happened between you and Renjun.

The coming days, your phone blew up with notifications covering your lock screen. They were all from your friends who were worried as to why you weren’t showing up without a reason. It was only Haechan who you cried out to when he came over after calling you about a hundred times. It hurt him seeing you cut ties with everyone, but being completely honest, he would have too because if the similar had happened to him, he wouldn’t want to hang out with the people who would trigger the painful feeling which came along with those gut-wrenching memories.

But something Haechan couldn’t get his head around was why the fuck would Renjun– someone so genuine and considerate– shatter someone’s heart without any explanation? Haechan never thought of him as someone who would go around playing with another person’s feelings, the type of people Haechan absolutely despised. Renjun was really unpredictable, but he never thought he’d turn out to be such a bastard.

The first month which followed had been the hardest month of your life. Thank to that stupid fucker, you barely passed your finals. And you knew that would happen because after that night, all you did was cry in your bed for hours over hours, repeating all the conversations you had with him over and over again, trying to figure out where everything went wrong. You wanted to scream with everything in you just at the mere thought of his name. You loved him more than you had loved anyone. How could he hurt you like that?

With the second month’s arrival and after a lot of lecturing by Haechan, you finally stopped neglecting your mental health and decided to focus on yourself. Maybe he was right, maybe you overlooking your health wasn’t worth some idiotic player like Renjun. But even though you were trying to move on, you couldn’t bring yourself to stop thinking about him yet. Every night in bed, when your mind replayed a memory of yours with him, his stupidly pretty face caused tears to well up again. All you wished was for that disgusting feeling to leave you alone.

As the third month approached, you started contacting your friends again, but only the close ones. Since the finals were followed by prolonged holidays, it was a good opportunity for you to try to get him off your mind. Having your girls over for movies and stuff was what you actually needed a lot. Infact, their motivational words about how you were worth more than any man on the planet made you feel great about yourself. The feeling which usually came along with the mention of your ex’s name had slowly started to fade out, you were moving on and that was nice for a change.

Finally, when the fourth month began, the you which had buried itself deep down came out of the hiding. You began hanging out with your friends more often and even decided to step outside for some sunlight and fresh air. All of this was just compensation for the emotional rollercoaster you rode for the past three months and, as your girls had convinced you, you were deserving of something much better. Thanks to them, you had nearly forgotten who Renjun was, which made them glad as they saw you live your life once again.

The fifth month was when you realised you had completely moved on because when one of your friends accidentally brought up the topic, you were surprisingly unfazed. His name held no meaning to you anymore. And what helped you even more was that you hadn’t seen him in college once it reopened. Everything was back to normal, you were back to normal. Once again, all your focus was on yourself, with a lesson learnt that no matter what happens, you should always be your top priority.

That’s why when Haechan, as usual, proposed to you the idea of joining another party of his, you gladly accepted his offer. You never thought you would say this, but you actually missed the weirdly–lit rooms of his house accompanied with the sour-sweet smell of liquor filling the air. And besides, it was time to celebrate your freedom, something which you should have done a long time ago.

On the night of the event, you put extra effort into getting ready. You bombarded all your girls with a variety of outfits to choose from, picking the one which got the most votes. Not only that, but you also spent nearly an hour on your makeup. You wanted to look your best, not for someone – but for yourself, as a reward for staying strong throughout your battle.

Once you were ready, you scanned yourself in the mirror and looked for every single detail you put into your appearance. This was the first time in a while you had looked this good. Sure, you thought that you were overdoing it a little, but you were positive that you’d make people do a double take once they set their eyes on you. That’s when a stupid thought entered.

Maybe if he saw me toni–

However, the thought left as soon as it came. Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath.

No y/n, snap out of it…Do not think about that bastard. You’re better off without him.

A shake of the head was all it took to throw out any absurd ideas. Today was definitely not the day you were going to let your trauma get to you again.

Even though you tried to maintain your composure, that one little thought shook your confidence to a somewhat extent. In the pit of your stomach, someplace hidden in your brain, deep down in your heart– you felt the uncertain feeling making its comeback.

“Wow…y/n,” Haechan welcomed you with a dazed smile, “You look stunning.”

“Hello to you too, Haechan,” You giggled at your own wits followed by his embarrassed reaction.

Entering his house, you were greeted by the familiar scene. The whole building was vibrating along with every beat of the song which came out from the blasting speakers. The light was dim, yet you could figure out the silhouettes of all the people you knew. Most of them were on the dance floor hyping each other up , while the others were gathered around the refreshment tables. It also came to your notice that Haechan had installed a whole karaoke booth while you were going through your depressive episode. A lot had changed, still it was all the same.

“Do you want me to stick around with you?” Haechan said out loud, his voice trying to suppress the blaring loudspeakers.

“I think I’ll manage” You mimicked his tone.

“You sure?” his hand found its way to your shoulder, just for providing reassurance.

You replied with a nod and a hum which probably went unheard by him. Giving you a thumbs up, he made his way towards the entrance again so that he could greet the other guests who he had invited over. He was sure you’d do fine on your own, that was until he saw the first person who entered through the doorway.

At first he thought he was seeing things, but after staring for a few seconds, he figured that the guy who had just entered was really there. The sight of the boy’s face made Haechan’s blood boil, his brain refusing to function as range took over all his thoughts. Before he could stop himself, he was already storming towards the boy in context.

“Huang Renjun,” Haechan’s emotions acted faster than his rationality, and he grabbed the other by his collar, shoving him into the wall behind him, “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Let me go, Haechan–” Renjun struggled as he tried to slip out of Haechan’s grip, which was a bit too strong, “I’m here to talk.”

“Oh, yeah?” Haechan released his hold with a push, which caused Renjun to nearly fall because of the sudden pressure, “Renjun, I don’t think any of us have time for your stupid games. You think you can play with someone's fucking heart and then disappear only to come back one day just to ‘talk’? You need to fuck off and find some other source of entertainment. I don’t even want to breathe the same air as you after what you did.”

“Listen, I’m aware that I’ve been an asshole, but-” Renjun’s excuse of an explanation was cut off by Haechan.

“Asshole is an understatement,” Haechan remarked with a click of his tongue and a tilt of his head, his gaze had never been this dangerous. The usually cool and calm Haechan had disappeared, transforming into something which scared the boy in front of him.

“Haechan, hear me out. I know that I’ve been a complete fucking idiot and I’m not worthy of forgiveness, but I really, really need to see her.”

“Oh there is no fucking way I am letting you near her.” Haechan let out a bitter chuckle. He couldn’t believe the nerve Renjun had. Unbelievable to him that how, after hiding himself for nearly a year, he was standing in front of him. And not only that, he was also expecting to see someone who ran a lap around hell and back, just because of him, “Have you lost your fucking mind or something? Oh wait– You didn’t even have one to begin with.”

“I beg you Haechan,” Renjun pleaded, “I need to set things right. Why did you think I left her? I was scared. I never once stopped loving her, but when I left I knew I wouldn’t ever be able to make her happy… I knew I wouldn’t be able to give her what she deserved, I knew she’d suffer because of me. And that’s– that’s why before I could hurt her, I thought ending everything would be better for the both of us. Clearly, it was the biggest mistake of my life.”

Haechan scoffed in disbelief, “Hell yes it was. And what did you think? Breaking up with her would make her feel amazing? Did you think she would do fucking fine? Huang, thanks to you, she completely shut herself out. She cried for days and days, I had never seen her this miserable, you fucking coward. And now that she’s finally moved on, you decide to show up again, make her pathetic again? Get a life Renjun.”

Renjun’s hand found his way in his hair, a habit of his whenever he felt frustrated, “Haechan please, let me see her. I promise you I won’t hurt her this time. In fact if she wants, I won’t ever come into either of your lives again. I’ll move to another city. But please let me talk to her alone. Just once.”

Looking at him, Haechan saw the sincerity in his eyes. He had known Renjun long enough to know when he was being genuine, when he actually meant what he was saying. Maybe he should let him see y/n once, but what made him hesitate was the thought of y/n’s pitiful breakdown. What if seeing Renjun cut open her hardly–healed wounds again? But in spite of that, she deserved to know the truth… because it seemed like Renjun wasn’t going to leave until he had settled things.

Sorting out his thoughts, he stepped closer. With a finger pointed towards Renjun’s chest, he granted him access. “Fine, I’ll let you see her once. But if you fucking mess this up again…Huang Renjun, I swear I’ll make you regret coming here in the first place.”

Clearing the way for Renjun, Haechan prayed for everything to turn out fine. He was usually optimistic, but what worried him was that they were at his party, and if everything was going with the natural flow, something was bound to take a wrong turn.

You stood at the refreshment table with a girl called Lee Chaeyoung, who had been complaining about how the other girls in her group had decided to show up wearing outfits completely different then her’s, even though they had decided on a theme. It was nice to talk to new people, though you felt like your social skills had nearly died out.

“Oh, there they are!” She continued excitedly as she pointed towards a few other girls waving at the both of you, “I’ll get going now. Feel free to join us though!”

You gave her a warm smile before returning to what was displayed on the outstretched table. As you were deciding on what you should try next, you heard a voice you thought you would never get to hear again.

“Y/n?”

It can’t be…no please no…

You already knew who it was, but you didn’t have the courage to face the owner of the voice. The nasty feeling was back. Five months of convincing yourself that you had moved on ended up at nothing. All the efforts from you and your friends went to waste. Everything was back at square one. You wished that the ground cracked open and devoured you whole, anything was better than facing the person who was calling you.

“Can we talk?”

Collecting every single bit of strength remaining in your body, you turned around to meet him face to face.

You swore you choked on the air you took in. You couldn't see him well, but the way his hair fell gracefully over his forehead, the way his skin shone even in the dark, you knew he was still the same divine boy you had fallen in love with. But the pain he caused you… how could you forget.

“Why are you here Renjun?” The question left your lips stern as it should have been, your eyes never meeting his ones.

“I need to talk to you, please.”

His emphasis on the last word was enough to tell you that he was desperate, but all your trust in him had faded away the night he ended things. Why was he back, why was he scarring you again… nearing his heavenly voice made you want to fall on the ground and start crying right on the spot. Just when you thought you were over, he came back to torture you even more than he had before.

“Why should I? After what you did, I never even want to see you again, Huang.” You finally brought yourself to look at him directly in the eyes, noticing how desolation resided in them. Yet, you didn’t want to feel even a drop of empathy for him, he wasn’t worth any of your feelings.

“Y/n, I swear I won’t make it long.” Renjun took a small step closer to you, but you backed away.

Your action hurt him deeply, making him want to disappear off the surface of the earth. Since the day he broke up, this was the most foolish and shameful he felt.

“I know you don’t trust me anymore, but you do believe Haechan, right? He said I could talk to you only for a while.” He bit his lower lip, “Look… I know you hate me, you have all the right to. But for heaven’s sake, just listen to me. I’ll leave as soon as I’m done, you have my word. ”

Something which you learned about Renjun over the period you dated was that he really was true to his word. Never once could you remember him breaking a promise. It was true that you had trust issues with him, but if Haechan – who shuddered everytime Renjun was mentioned – had given him permission to see you, it must have been something worth your time.

After reluctantly agreeing to listen to whatever he had to say, you followed him out of the crowded room. But as you left, you scanned around hoping to find any sign of Haechan, the only person who could save you from this situation, but the boy wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Failing at your terrible attempt at finding Haechan, you only prayed that the moment would come to an end soon, you just weren’t ready to go through another series of a mental breakdown.

“Well? I don’t have all day, Renjun”, you spat once you were in one of the empty rooms of Haechan’s house.

Although you seemed rigid, all of it was pretend. You were weak once again as his full face came into view. He was as beautiful as ever, maybe even more breathtaking since it had been so long since you last saw him. Even though his charm remained, you could tell he hadn’t been doing well, or so the dark circles under his eyes said. But why was he suffering when it was him who broke up in the first place? Or maybe it was just because of how ‘busy’ his life was, so engaging that he had no time for love, for you.

“I–I don’t know where to begin–” His head hung low, as he fiddled with his fingers.

“You’d better make it quick and not waste my time.” you crossed your arms in front of your chest, looking in any direction but his.

“I’m just here to say sorry and–” he was yet again, interrupted because his words made you lose your cool.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” you snap, finally looking at him whose eyes were still glued to the ground, “You think saying sorry is going to solve everything? You think I’ll forgive you? Renjun please… This isn’t funny. You’ve hurt me before and you’re hurting me again. I don’t want to go through everything I went through again.”

“No y/n, never. I don’t want to cause you any more pain.”

An irritated groan escapes your lips at how stupid he sounded, “What do you even know? You were the one who ended everything without any reasoning, Renjun. I’m sure you have many more toys, go play with them instead. Let me live, please”

“I never left you for anyone. Neither did I ever move on.” His eyes met yours at last.

Renjun felt like his heart was going to explode. Even after trying to avoid you so much, he had to give in. You looked heavenly, even prettier than the photos he kept on looking at for the past months. He was aware that he was maybe the biggest failure in the world to let go of a goddess like the one in front of him. He wanted to disappear into thin air after facing you. Even if he fell to his knees and begged for your forgiveness, he would never be worthy of it.

“What the fuck.” The sentence slipped out before you could think about it, “Look, I really don’t have time for your ga-” This time, you were the one who got cut off.

“Hear me out, will you?” He took a step closer, making your back hit the wall behind. He was close, way too close. And your stupid heart wasn’t supposed to be beating so fast.

“I-I was scared of loving you, I was scared of not being enough. And you know what? Haechan was right, you’re right. I am a fucking coward… I put myself before you. If I really did love you, I would’ve tried to devote myself to our relationship, save it from crumbling. But no, instead I decided to chicken out and ended up hurting you, something I was trying to save you from.”

You knew Renjun was a sensitive, emotional boy but for the first time in your life, you had seen actual tears in his eyes. If the words leaving his mouth and the thoughts which were going on in his head had made him cry, then he really meant them. Fuck your disgustingly soft heart, you swore you would never feel bad for him but seeing him cry made you pity him. Somewhere in your heart, you still felt the same love for him, even if it was the slightest.

“R-renjun…”

“No y/n. I know no matter how many times I apologise, it is never going to be enough. But since the day I left you, you’ve been the only thought on my mind. Whenever I saw our pictures, your smile set my heart on fire. But everything became worse afterwards, I could hear your laugh echoing around me, I could smell your lingering scent on my clothes, I spent hours thinking about the fucking mess I had created…”

Tears were streaming down his face but it seemed like he took no notice. All he wanted was to win you back, to hold you in his arms once again, to call you his, to make you look at him the way you did before, even if it did seem impossible. But to your surprise, your own eyes were filled with tears. Why? Because that was exactly what you had experienced.

“And I know we can’t go back to how it was,” he continued to lean in closer, so close that you could see the tear droplets decorating his eyes, “But please, give me one last chance. A last try to prove myself, Ito make everything fine…”

His face was only an inch away from yours as his teary eyes looked into your glossy ones. His hand pressed softly against your cheek, head tilted slightly. The both of you knew where this was headed, and something in you just had to give in to him. Cursing yourself for going with the flow, you felt yourself lean into his touch.

“Because I still love you.”

The ghost of a gap which stood there was closed by Renjun, replaced by the feeling of his lips pressed against yours. As if on cue, your hands found their way around his neck, fingers tangling themselves in his hair as an attempt to pull him even closer. You were almost shocked at how you were kissing him back in no time, you didn’t know you were this hungry for his touch.

Renjun’s other hand fell to your waist, sealing any space which remained between you. You missed how his lips felt against yours, how his touch would send jolts down your spine. Your lips continued to dance with his, breaking away shortly only to catch your breath. You thought it was going to feel wrong, but seeing the way your body reacted, everything was more than right.

He was back again, with an honest explanation and it seemed like he had learnt his lesson as well. You thought you would never forgive him, but he was determined to set things right between the two of you. Maybe you could let him start things over again, maybe you could give him one last try again. Afterall, everyone deserves a second chance.

“You asshole,” a slightly–dazed smile was painted on your lips as you pulled away, “You’re lucky Haechan isn’t here otherwise he would have snapped your head off.”

“Thank you, y/n” His forehead rested against yours, eyes closed as he settled in the long–lost feeling “Thank you for trusting me again. I swear I’ll do my best this time, I’ll make us work. I love you so, so much, I’m never letting you go again.”

“You’d better not, otherwise…” You motioned your thumb sliding horizontally against your neck, receiving a light-hearted laugh from him in reply. His beautiful voice hitting your ears was nostalgia, making you feel fuzzy again.

“Deal.” He placed a gentle peck on your nose.

The feeling forming in your gut told you that this time, he wasn’t going to let you down. Perhaps he wasn’t that bad of a human, perhaps all he needed was to face his fears. You figured that he was your first love and you could never be completely over him, even if he had messed with your brain and your heart. You still loved him, and it was good enough to know that he had never stopped loving you either.

Maybe going to Haechan’s party wasn’t so bad afterall.

Title : Love Once Again || Word count: 5.594K || Genre: MAJOR angst, minor fluff, Lowkey suggestive?|| Pairing: ex! Renjun x Fem!Reader

Tagging : @armysantiny @mosviqu and @koishua

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sapphiredhearts-a · 1 year

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some random damon stuff under the cut .

first and foremost , I do not follow any canon after season three . anything that happens after that can be plotted with different muses but it will always be headcanon based . seasons 1-3 for damon will also mostly follow my headcanons and not canon tbh .

for season one - damon comes back to mystic falls to mess with stefan & open the tomb . at this point he views humans purely as food and has his humanity turned off . his humanity has been turned off for good since he was tortured by the augustine society . but , before that he has had it on and off over the decades after stefan forced him to transition . at the point where he returns - damon believes that if he can bring katherine back ( because he is still in love with her ) he can find his way back to his humanity through that love . he wants to forgive stefan and with katherine back he would be able to do so because he only didn't want to live because he felt without her it was not worth living .

the caroline plot does not happen in my canon . period . damon does compel caroline as a way to be able to get closer to stefan ( and elena because he feels messing with her is an easy way to mess with stefan ) and to learn secrets from the all too trusting caroline . but the biting / abuse / etc is just not something I am comfortable with and does not happen . it was a way to portray him as a villain and I feel he can be just as bad of a villain for that season without that nonsense . so , there is nothing romantic between caroline / damon at this time period .

damon does turn vicki . he also attacks vicki in the first episode as canon suggests . like I mentioned before - humans are purely food to damon with his humanity off . and he does not know how vicki relates to anybody else in mystic falls . she is simply someone in the woods that seems like an easy target . when he turns vicki it is because when he is getting ready to finish her off he is intrigued that she does not die and seems to be strong enough to still be alive . he heals her with his blood because she interests him and reminds him of himself . he is slightly sad when stefan has to kill her , but is coming to appreciate the people of mystic falls and enjoy being home again so he does not protest .

damon spends his time covering up his actions and infiltrating the founder's counsel just as the show suggests . he does kill coach tanner to mess with stefan - again , humans like this are nothing to him with humanity off - but he knows that his guilt is lingering beneath the surface and he is starting to feel more . . . human again .

when stefan attacks damon with vervain , he does so by putting it in a random party - goers drink and not caroline . so when damon feeds later - not even intending to kill - he is able to be captured . damon does use his compulsion to bring caroline to let him out but that is the end of it . he is also the reason for lexi's death - he considers her collateral damage to protect his brother whom he is starting to feel sympathy for - and yet , he knows lexi's death will hurt stefan and he has not yet let go of his anger .

things continue much the same for damon - when they go into the tomb and he realizes katherine is missing it is enough of an emotional blow that damon's humanity turns back on without him consciously deciding to turn it on . afterwards , damon begins to help elena and her friends . he is drawn to her compassion because she reminds him of himself as a human - but nothing romantic happens between them ( if any ships are plotted with elena I will need to discuss them in a plot first as they are not always my top ship and usually remain platonic in my canon ) . damon begins to realize that stefan made a mistake but only wanted to keep his brother with him and with his humanity back on ( and having made mistakes himself ) damon begins to forgive stefan and want to protect him again as well as help him . although he knows nobody can quite trust him .

damon feels badly for stefan when he drinks from elena and begins to struggle - this is the first time damon begins doing things for others . although he still tries to cover up his humanity being back on with humor etc .

when stefan goes with klaus - damon begins to show his humanity even more and his friendship with elena does grow . he does his best to step in and be the man he wants to be - becoming a hero without really meaning to . despite not wanting to be a bad guy , he doesn't really want the expectations of a good guy either . he also begins to get over katherine after she comes back and he realizes she never truly loved him and loved stefan more . his dark side shows more around Katherine and is something very difficult for him to deal with .

all other plots after this point need to be discussed .

#damon salvatore headcanons #☾ ` your life is pathetic your afterlife doesn't have to be ; damon salvatore musings .

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themultifandomgal · 2 years

Text

Temptation Pt3

Temptation Masterlist

I arrive at the address the Cullens, well Emmett gave me. Before I can even knock at the door Emmett is there to open it up

"Welcome, come meet the others"

"The others?" Emmett takes my hand and leads me into a living room "this is Tanya, Kate, Irina, Carmen and Eleazar"

"Nice to meat you" I smile at them

"Oh my...." I turn recognising that voice

"Carlisle?" I ask as he pulls me in for a hug

"Katherine, how have you been, where have you been?"

"Carlisle whats going on?" a woman who I haven't been introduce to me yet asks

"Esme, this is Katherine, the girl I told you about"

"The one who's different?"

"Thats an understement" Alice mumbles

"What are you on about?" Tanya ask

"She's half vampire, half wolf" Rosalie answers for me and the room is full of gasps

"The Volturi will kill us" Irina says

"There is no law about wolves and vampires being together"

"The job of the wolf is to protect it's people. They are usually the ones who have the issue with vampires. I understand that vampires need to feed, but as long as no one dies, I'm ok"

"Katherine"

"Kat" I smile at Carlisle

"Kat is more than welcome to stay, I offered her asylum 30 years ago, that offer still stands. If you have a problem with it you will have to learn to deal with it"

"Thats kind of you Carlisle, but I am currently renting out an apartment"

"But she's a werewolf" Irina comments

"Half a wolf, the other half vampire" Emmett gets in front of me protectively

"As much as I dislike this, she is Emmett's mate" Alice sighs

"Emmett why don't you show Kat around" Carlisle smiles as Emmett taken my hand in his, pulling me away from the others.

Later that evening Carlisle joins Emmett and I outside

"They hate me" I sigh

"They don't understand you. They'll warm up to you, they're just scared of what they don't know"

"And you both know?" I frown looking between Emmett and Carlisle. The door opens and Esme walks out

"Hi" she smiles

"I know you have had many chances in the past to hurt someone, but you haven't. I knew from the moment I saw you that you were just a scared young girl, maybe in someway you still are"

"I just don't want this to be a complication for any of you. What if they're right and the Volturi come after you?"

"No law has been broken. You don't have a sent, they're not going to find out unless you go to Italy and tell them"

"Maybe it would be better for everyone if I just left"

"I know I have only know you for 2 days, but I feel like we have this connection, something I haven't had with anyone else before. If what Alice says is true, that we are mates, then I wont be able to live my life without you. I know you felt the same electric spark when I touched your hand, all I'm asking is for you to stay so we can try and and get to know one another" Emmett once again takes my hand in his and turns me to face him

"I'll talk to the others" Esme says putting her hand on my shoulder before going back inside

"Emmett can you give us a moment" Emmett nods letting go off my hand and following Esme. Once the door shuts I turn to look out from the balcony

"How are you after having..."

"Carlisle don't" I cut him off "did you tell anyone?" I look down at my fingers

"No, but Edward might know because of the mind reading thing. After you left and I went back to the others I told them you didn't want anyone to know what happened that night"

"So if he knows he didn't tell the others?" I ask

"No" Carlisle shakes his head

"I guess he deserves a thank you" I chuckle

"Ready to go back in?" he asks moving towards the door

"I guess" Carlisle opens up the door and holds it for me to walk through. We make our way back to the living room where it looks as though everyone had finally relaxed "Edward, I want to thank you, if you know my past that is. And if you do, I would like to keep that privet"

"Of course" Edward looks at me in sympathy, the first emotion they have shown other than anger since they found out about what I am

"We have all been talking, and we have decided to give you a chance" Rosalie says

"Remember actions speak louder than words" Alice sigh "but, welcome to the family. I'm sure you and Emmett will live happily together"

"Woah, slow down we have only just met"

"I know, but like I have already said, I've seen you together, happy"

"Thanks I think" I frown with confusion. My tummy rumbles and I also begin to feel rather tired "I think that would be my cue, as well as eating I also sleep and if I don't sleep I can get rather grumpy" I laugh trying to lighten up everyones mood

"We'll see you tomorrow, at school"

"See you tomorrow" I say smiling

"I'll take you home" Emmett says leading me out of the room and to his car. I give him directions to my apartment

"I'll pick you up in the morning"

"See you then" I get out of the car and quickly make my way up to my apartment.

#emmett cullen x reader #carlisle cullen #esme cullen #jasper cullen #alice cullen #emmett cullen #edward cullen #bella swan #twilight x reader #twilight #new moon #eclipse #breaking dawn

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merrock · 4 months

Text

CHARACTER INFORMATION

face claim: Katherine McNamara

full name: Daphne Matthews

nickname(s) / goes by: Daphne, Daph

pronouns & gender: she/her ciswoman

sexuality: heterosexual

birth date: April 12th, 1995

birth place: Merrock, Maine

arrival to merrock: local

housing: the coast

occupation: dance instructor

work place: Slippers

family: Vincent Matthews (Older Brother)

relationship status: single

PERSONALITY

Daphne is not the girl that she was brought up to be - once a cheerful and bright child, now only seen as a façade to hide the disappointments that live inside her. Her sense of self is built around immense trust issues and a quizzical self-esteem, not sure where she stands with people and situations. She is in the middle of an identity crisis. Daph always puts others ahead of herself. She will never hesitate to help someone, even if it puts her out. She would burn if it meant saving her friends and loved ones from a fire. She will never say no - living as a real life Jim Carey's "Yes Man" on the daily, if it meant that she was seen as good in the eyes of others. She is so sweet, but don't be put off if her hesitancy and doubt gets the better of her. She just wants to be the best for everyone.

WRITTEN BY: Jemma (she/her), gmt+11

BACKGROUND / BIO

triggering / sensitive content: depression.

One can't complain about the upbringing that Daphne Matthews had; she had everything she needed, everything she wanted, born into a family that appeared well-off enough that luxuries weren't unattainable. With that being said, she was never greedy nor used that to her advantage. Daphne never paid attention to how her mother and father handled situations, believing that her family was perfect. That life was perfect.

She didn't understand at first when she discovered her family harboured a secret - another sibling, a half-brother, an outside body that suddenly penetrated their small family. That's when her trust issues started, hand in hand with her depression that bubbled with her parent's divorce and their eventual departure of Merrock.

Daphne was always enthused with dance. It was fun when she was younger, but so easily developed into an art and a lifestyle as she grew. She is classically trained in Ballet, but could show off any genre brought forward to her. Before the exposure of her family secret, she was set on making a name for herself and dancing until she reached an age where she couldn't stand anymore. Her dream was Julliard.

After experiencing the loss of her perfect family and a darkness that shrouded her light and expectations, she attended two years of community college with a dance and movement studies degree. She dropped out after her second year with high hopes that Julliard would accept her admission. Daph was prepared to leave Merrock behind and start afresh - but her dreams were crushed when her performance faltered, her busy mind damaging her concentration. That is the moment she lost her sense of self.

Daphne won't show her struggles, nor will she easily tell them. The last thing she wants is to be exposed and to be the reason for one's sympathy or pity.

You can either find Daphne as a Dance Teacher at Slippers - where she is utilising her passion to help others. Or with earphones blaring loud music as she jogs along the beach of the coastline. If you stop her, she will smile and say hello, if you ask for help, she will immediately be by your side.

But if she seems off - it's okay.

#merrockbio #daphnematthews #depression tw

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aphroditelovesu · 2 years

Note

yandere damon salvatore hcs?

"It's fun to see you so scared." - Damon Salvatore

❝–🧛🏻 Lady L: Sure! Here it is, it's been a while since I watched TVD, so I confess I had no idea how to do this, but I think it turned out good. I hope you like it, anon :)

❝–🧛🏻 TW: yandere themes in general, such as murder, mention of murder, mention of torture, obsessive and possessive behavior, dub-con (although there is no NSFW) and mention of blood.

❝–🧛🏻 Pairing: Yandere!Damon Salvatore x Female!Reader

Damon Salvatore is a controlling and protective yandere, bordering on possessiveness. He wants to keep you protected at all costs, no matter what he has to do.

You were a newly turned vampire, new to Mystic Falls, out of control, a ripper and that caught Stefan's attention, who decided to help you because he felt sympathy for you, since he was like that himself.

When Stefan decided to help you, you met Damon who was completely fascinated by you. He hadn't felt like this since he'd met Elena, but for some reason he was stronger. You were so young, so helpless and so innocent. Damon knew he had to protect you, otherwise you would be destroyed by the world and he couldn't let that happen. And he wouldn't.

Damon felt responsible for you, for some reason, he felt like the fact that you were turned against his will was his fault. For he wasn't there to stop that vampire from drinking his blood. But that was in the past, he's here for you now and he wasn't planning on going anywhere.

The vampire who turned you was hunted and found, courtesy of Bonnie, and Damon killed him. You were avenged and that was step number one. Now, Damon planned to make you fall in love with him.

Damon knew exactly how to charm you, and just as he had predicted, you instantly fell in love with him as you should

Due to being overprotective, Damon has also become extremely controlling and possessive of you. He saw you as his and his alone, no one should try to get in the way of your relationship, and if anyone did, well, they wouldn't live long.

Being very controlling, Damon wants to know where you are at all times. He's going to want to know ALL the details, where you're going, who you're going with, who's going to be there. But honestly, it doesn't make much difference. Damon will always be behind you or stalking you.

Sex, a lot of sex. Damon loves you and wants you to feel loved, and in his opinion, the best way to show that love is by making love to you.

Damon is kind and caring when it comes to you, he wouldn't work hard on sex unless you asked him to. If you're a virgin your first time, he'll be on cloud nine to be your first and, depending on him, your last.

Sex with him is completely about your pleasure. He doesn't mind neglecting himself for your sake.

Damon would never hurt you, but he would punish you, but not physically. He prefers sexual punishments, such as over-stimulation or pushing you to the limit, usually ends with you passing out.

Stefan would be protective of you as well, he likes to see how you make his brother happy and he values that happiness, so you can be sure nothing will happen to you.

Damon wants to keep you safe and warm in his arms, he'd rather you not leave the house where he knows you'll be safe, but he wouldn't hold you back. But let's be clear, Damon will follow you everywhere. Basically you'll have an overprotective bodyguard vampire.

Any kind of threats to you will be dealt with quickly. It doesn't matter who it is, from Katherine to Klaus. Damon won't let ANYONE lay a finger on you.

He wants you to be happy, but Damon is selfish, he only wants you to be happy if you're with him. If you, for some reason, tried to escape him, he would lock you up. He doesn't want to do that, but if it's the only way to make sure you stay by his side, then so be it.

Damon wants you to love him the same way he loves you, but if you hate him for holding you, even if it hurts you, so be it. He will put up with all your screaming, insults and crying silently, even if it hurts him inside. But it's for his own good, that's what he says to himself and to you.

Damon just wants to keep you safe and by his side. As long as he has these things, you will be loved, pampered and cared for by him.

Just stand by Damon's side and allow yourself to be loved by him. Damon is nothing more than a passionate puppy when it comes to you.

If you play your cards right, you'll know how to handle it perfectly. After all, Damon is willing to do anything for you.

#yandere damon salvatore #yandere the vampire diaries #yandere tvd #yandere damon salvatore headcanons #yandere damon salvatore hc #yandere damon salvatore x reader #damon salvatore x reader #yandere headcanons #the vampire diaries #tvd

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zodiyack · 4 years

Text

Opposites Attract (1,000+ Follower Special!!)

Pairing: Damon Salvatore x Female!Pierce/Petrova!Reader

Warnings: Possibly swearing?, fluff, indications of smut??, death/mentions of death, slight angst/violence, I think that’s all

Words: 1,667

Summary: The younger sister of Katherine was the true owner of Damon’s heart, Katherine only being his worry in 1864 due to the sister’s bond, the bond that fueled Katherine to force Y/n to join her when she escaped Mystic Falls and left Damon to think they were both in the tomb.

Note: I have no idea what to say honestly... I’ve been gone due to troubles with my computer yet you guys stuck around and that’s what matters to me. Though I may have a bit of a hard time with words, I hope you guys know that you all mean so much to me 💕💕

And if you’d like me to make a part two, which I’m already planning on doing- I just really liked the ending, or make this a series, feel free to let me know!

Taglist: @matth1w, @redspaceace, @fandom-puff, @darling-i-read-it

Masterlist | The Vampire Diaries Masterlist

Part I. Part II. Part III. Part IV. Part V. Part VI.

1864

Her back hit the wall, lips molded with his as their tongues clashed in a hungry passion. Her fingers played with his hair and pulled his face and body closer to hers. With his hands trapping her against the wall, she felt content.

“Turn me.”

“I can’t, Da-”

“Don’t. I understand, Katherine and all that...but promise me that one day, you’ll escape her grasp and run away with me.” She forced herself to look into Damon’s eyes, her undead heart breaking at the sorrow that drowned in his blue orbs. “Please?”

“I can’t make any promises...” she paused involuntarily, her heightened hearing catching a sudden ruckus from Stefan’s room and stealing her attention. Damon frowned, adjusting his grip on her waist to pull her back to reality. “I...I just can’t right now. However,” the smile returned to his lips, “one day, I will find you. And if you still want to...you may take me up on that promise, Salvatore.”

He was ready to answer when his door burst open and he and Y/n pulled away in a panic. His father stared down Y/n with a great furry in his body. She didn’t say a word, simply kissing Damon softly and nodding to Mr. Salvatore.

“Father- please-”

“No. She’s a monster, Damon! Her sister is a monster! They are monsters! Don’t you see that? She’ll kill you if you give her the chance. The same goes for Stefan and the other Pierce girl. If they’re even girls.” He mumbled the last bit of his sentence, too caught up in the belief that they were pure evil to consider any other possibility.

“She’s not a mons-”

“Yes. She is. Now, enough! I’m already ashamed of your siding with the demons, there is no need to make it worse, boy!” Mr. Salvatore grunted and put a muzzle-like-mask over Y/n’s head and called out to the rest of the hunters, watching as she was dragged away with a grimace upon his face.

Whilst Damon was traumatized, angry at his father and the world for their cruel decisions for his life, he attempted at keeping a neutral, unphased expression. “What will happen to her?”

“The same thing that will happen to the other monsters; she’ll burn.”

Present Day

Damon continued pacing throughout the house, ignoring Stefan’s pleas for him to stop. He thought about what Emily had told him, and what he needed to do. He had everything he needed, what was stopping him from going to the tomb? A gut feeling? Life? Was he just a big chicken?

He took a breather, telling himself to think about the reason he was in this mess. It was for a girl. The love of his life, to be specific. Y/n Pierce. The lovely lady who had come to stay with the Salvatore brothers after her and her sister’s parents had burnt with their home.

They felt pity for the girls, taking them in and, from then on, starting their odd journey through the supernatural world. Y/n was the first to reveal her secret; pulling away from a kiss with Damon due to her loss of control over her vampire features.

Though normally he’d be afraid, Damon had gripped her chin and forced her to look at him, awe and interest shining on his face. It was that night that he confessed his love for her, promising to take her away one day.

He chuckled at the memory, wiping his thumb across his lips. Damon remembered the taste of her lips like it was yesterday. The delicate softness paired with the lustful desire of their kisses was perfection. The kisses they had shared held something no one else could give him.

Despite occasionally hooking up with a girl or two, he was still on the search for his long lost lover. Deep down, he knew the sex was just for a distraction; even if he didn’t want to think of it as such, he knew that he was constantly comparing them to Y/n. Sometimes verbally, sometimes mentally, either way- the comments were always about the woman his heart belonged really to.

“Damon. Why are you really here?”

To find Y/n and stay true to my promise. “Just to be with you, little brother! Is it wrong that I want some bonding time with my little bro?”

“For you? Yes.” Stefan made it a point to avoid and ignore Damon as much as possible, especially with a girlfriend to protect from his ‘evil’ also-vampire brother. “Now, I’m going to ask you again. Why are you really here?”

Damon sighed. “You already know that Stefan.”

Now that Damon was closer than ever to opening the tomb, he was more than ready to reveal his true intentions. Stefan believed Damon was after Katherine, pleading him to leave as soon as they got out of the tomb. But in reality, Damon could care less about that vampire. He just wanted Y/n, but with the sisters being closer than anything he’d ever seen, he had no choice but to rescue Katherine as well.

If he was lucky, Katherine would allow Y/n to stray from her and stay with Damon, but he had a feeling that would never happen. Not with how possessive Katherine was. How she insisted that blood, as well as herself, went first.

1864

“We need to go back to them!” Y/n tried to run to her lover’s body. Her heart was racing. She’d come back to find that her beloved had been shot dead, his brother the same. Before Y/n could reach the man, Katherine gripped her waist and held her back, stronger than her younger sister due to being older in human and vampire years.

Y/n was the one Petrova to have escaped Klaus in his act of revenge. To be fair, it wasn’t his fault that he missed her. She was out picking berries, going about her life normally, before returning to a bloodied home with the bodies of the people she loved strewn about messily.

She remembered falling to her knees and cursing at whatever entity seemed to be there. Whether it was God or some other being, she demanded, through sobs, to know what she had done to deserve it.

Then, as if her prayer-like-yells of agony had been answered, Katerina showed up at the doorway. Her reaction was similar to Y/n’s; first, processing what she was seeing, then, feeling the fear freeze her in place, and finally, screaming and trying to shake her family awake, hoping as much as she could that it was all a dream.

Y/n walked from her hiding spot slowly, still shaking from her discovery but much more calmed with the presence of her older sister. “Who would do such a thing?”

She swore she could never forget the rage, paired with terror, in her sister’s eyes. “Klaus. Klaus Mikaelson did this.”

That very day, she turned her sister. She explained that they would live long enough to either kill Klaus and get revenge, or plea for his forgiveness and live their lives once more.

Snapping out of her memory fueled trance, Y/n broke free of her sister’s arms and dropped to the ground beside Damon. She pulled his head onto her lap and brushed his dark curls from his face. She chuckled to herself when she noticed her tears dropping onto his face.

“Goodbye, my love.” Y/n pressed a kiss to his forehead, then one on the tip of his nose. Finally, one on his lips, staying a little longer than the others as she savored the intimacy in their final goodbye. “If I only I had told you yes...”

She left her sister to say her goodbye to Stefan, wiping her tears away as she felt what was left of her heart crumble into bits.

Once, she had a family. And then she had her sister. Then she had her sister and an owner to her heart, the feeling of humanity returning to her undead body, feeling alive for the first time since her transition.

Now? She was back to having only her sister.

Damon felt the same way.

When he had woken, taking time to recover from the shock of being alive. Emily had told him how Katherine compelled Stefan to drink her blood, and he already knew that he drank Y/n’s blood willingly.

“There’s no point in living.” Damon pleaded with his brother after he tried to get him to feed, “They’re dead.”

Present Day

He ran into the tomb, desperate to find the sister of the vampire doppelganger. Damon sighed, ‘speaking of doppelgangers’, Elena had followed him, ignoring Sheila and Bonnie’s warnings.

“What’s that sound?”

“They can smell you.” He made his way through the tomb, eyes traveling from one decayed vampire to the other, cursing to himself each time they weren’t Y/n. Nevertheless, he wouldn’t give up. At some point, he’d gotten separated from Elena, but he didn’t care- never faltering in his search.

After spending more time looking for the vampire with negative results, Stefan had rushed in. He seemed anxious, desperate, ready to plead. And that he was. “Damon. We have to go.”

“She’s not here...” He felt like he was having a panic attack, which was more than likely. Damon threw the blood bag he had brought for her against the wall, “She’s- she’s not here, Stefan!”

“Who? Katherine? Look, I’m sorry that she’s not here, but we need to go!”

“No! Not Katherine! Y/n! She’s- she’s gone...she’s gone Stef.” Stefan furrowed his brows, feeling sympathy for his brother for a split second, then realizing how much time they were wasting.

“I’m sorry... Okay Damon? Maybe she didn’t die-”

“Don’t get my hopes up, alright?”

“Alright, I’m sorry. Really, I am. But- we need to go, like, right now.” He grabbed his brother and sped him out, gaining a boost with his vampire speed. The entire time he thought his brother was after the bad sister, but he was after the good one.

Opposites really do attract.

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laufire · 3 years

Note

Bela Talbot & Katherine Pierce?

(cw for mentions of rape and victim blaming mentality)

I think Katherine would like Bela. She'd have bad enough taste in men that she'd watch SPN for the "eye-candy" from the beginning lmfao, so it's actually pretty easy to imagine her watching it, getting to s3 and enjoying her character. She'd respect the hustle and Bela messing with the brothers.

I don't think it'd be a ~profound like, thought. I also thinking finding out Bela's tragic backstory would make the character lose appeal for her, iykwim. She didn't want that, she wanted to enjoy a cool character popping in and out looking glamorous and stealing from the boys lol.

Bela... hmm. She'd definitely relate to Katherine and feel conflicted about it. And also... TVD came after Bela died in SPN, so she could only see her in an AU where she survived or after becoming a demon, and I think that might change her reaction vis a vis watching it before her soul went to Hell, for one particular reason: Katherine raping Stefan.

Like, I think her own sexual abuse is not something Bela dealt with or processed properly in any way, and that due to the life she chose to live and how she chose to shield herself of emotional ties, she does NOT feel any kind of kinship to fellow survivors. I mean, in a subplot where Sam complains about an older woman creeping on him, Bela shows him exactly zero sympathy! I can fully picture her thinking "really, you're complaining about a few lewd comments and mild gropping from a woman you could overpower with your pinky? Grow up", or something equally fucked up and victim-blaming as that.

So if she watched TVD with that mentality, I think relating to Katherine would make her want to excuse her actions or handwave them, even if they'd make her uncomfortable. She'd probably have an even more complicated reaction to Caroline's storyline, projecting to it and strongly relating and feeling terrible for it. Though I think that Damon (a man and someone she doesn't relate to) being the rapist would give her an easier time fully embracing Caroline's side.

Once she'd dealt with her own past, however, she'd be horrified at Katherine's actions there and hate that she relates to her. I think she'd also hate Stefan's ending, dying in an embrace with Katherine, because of it.

Sidenote: Bela would be a Forwood shipper, although in the later seasons she would root for Steroline and for Caroline to get everything lol. I think she'd also have a love-hate relationship with Klaus, though -the hate part because of things like the sire-bond or the sex scene between KC, where she'd see sexual coercion at best. Although she’d value some of the leg up the narrative gave to Caroline too.

send me two characters from different fandoms, and I’ll tell you what they’d think of each other if they watched or read their shows/films/books/etc.

#theworldisbeautifulandcruel #replies #talking to the void #my thoughts #spn thoughts #plecverse thoughts #plecverse #the vampire diaries #katherine pierce #supernatural #bela talbot #as i was typing that i was loling at the way bela and i's opinion on tvd would cross AND diverge lmfao

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ambastard · 3 years

Text

Dirty Dancing and Newsies Live: A Comparison

Both Dirty Dancing and Newsies Live are stories about an upper class girl and a working class boy. But where Frances from Dirty Dancing gets a strong character arc, Katherine in Newsies is a static character who learns nothing, despite some problematic moments stemming from her privileged upbringing, which creates a troubling message and makes Katherine a less intriguing character.

Frances has good intentions and tries to be sympathetic to the working class staff, but ends up offending them due to her naïveté and ignorance (telling the precariously employed Penny she envies her and acting like her problems are easy to solve; making assumptions about Johnny being the father of Penny’s child; telling Johnny to just “fight harder” from the comfort of her upper class background).

Katherine expresses sympathy for the Newsies struggle as well (“Thousands of children, exploited, invisible”). But she also likens the Newsies to dogs (both in Watch What Happens and King of New York) and judges Jack for betraying the strike, even after being in the room when he was blackmailed and in spite of his actions being completely understandable. At no point is Katherine framed as being wrong. The only change her character goes through is that she didn’t used to have a man and now she does, which...

Katherine also doesn’t really have to make any sacrifices. Frances’ estrangement from her father due to her association with Johnny is extremely painful to her. This adds so much weight to the moment when she decides to openly stand by Johnny and stand up to her father.

Katherine appears to have had a complicated relationship with her father since prior to the events of the show, but it’s not fleshed out at all. We never really even see them talk to each other, and, crucially, it seems that there is nothing she can do that would endanger her livelihood. Pulitzer never threatens to cut her off from her family’s wealth, nor is there any implication of her being forbidden from continuing to pursue journalism, and he ends the story smiling next to his rebellious daughter (Contrast with Denton in the movie, who has established stakes: he might lose his job for aiding the newsies in printing their “Newsies Banner”). She sacrifices nothing, faces no real consequences, and yet she gets to tell off the working class character with no pushback.

Frances and Johnny’s relationship in Dirty Dancing is not one-sided. Frances begins the story as a naïve girl who matures a lot, learns to be independent and comfortable in her body over the course of the movie. But she also has a positive impact on the people around her due to her enduring believe in justice. Johnny and her change each other for the better.

Katherine gets to be a plot device that convinces Jack to return to the strike. If the writers had given her actual stakes (for instance she could have faced the prospect of losing her writing job, Pulitzer could have threatened to make her get married etc, and her and Jack could have reassured each other, giving the Something to Believe in Scene much more weight), or an arc (like maybe she is initially only interested in her career and has to learn to treat the newsies with respect and it could have led to a moment of conflict) both her character and the story would have greatly benefited from it. Instead, by writing a wealthy female character that is always right, the writers created a story that is dismissive of the issues faced by working class characters and another underdeveloped, unrelatable female character.

#this is what happens when male writers try to do A Feminism #would genuinely like to see a version of newsies that challenges Katherine’s biases and has her grow as a character #get some conflict and stuff #newsies #long post

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livlepretre · 3 years

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Well Bonnie was never forced to be a vampire, so of course she would fight for humanity. And Elena as human, always fought for people’s humanities and as a vampire, she says she’s different than Katherine, because she values her humanity. Both Bonnie and Elena, as human, are just normal and selfless people. Young girls that lost people they cared about. Bonnie lost her grandmother, mother and father. So she had to endure the pain of seeing the people she cares about being killed and she already killed herself to save someone else and there are multiple times that she almost died trying to save someone or she really dies to save someone. It’s just that she comes back later. Both are attracted to and friends with vampires. It’s just that she knows the difference of good vampires and bad vampires.

Forewarning, this got weirdly impassioned:

Well, I think here we have to draw a line between early tvd and late tvd... I don't really pay any attention to late tvd (like, after season 4 I would say) because the show habitually annihilated characterization for the sake of convenience and plot expedience. So the bit about "they're both friends with vampires and attracted to vampires" only applies to Bonnie in late tvd-- she's very against vampires in early and even mid-seasons of the show-- reluctantly she can accept friendship from Caroline, for example, but she repeatedly goes back to the idea that Damon and Stefan are PROBLEMS that cause pain and misery. Personally, I think that having Bonnie be attracted to a vampire is ridiculously out of character, but I will be the first to admit that I didn't watch the last few seasons of the show, so even though I can't imagine Bonenzo as a ship, it's possible it could have been done well. (Whether or not Bonnie is attracted to Damon is entirely up to fan interpretation-- I don't see it that way, but it's simultaneously obvious to me why others would.) All this to say that I really don't count the late seasons when characters like Elena are unrecognizable, and characters like Bonnie have some extremely questionable writing behind them, when I do these analyses. Take it or leave it whether you like that or not.

Anyway, moving on-- yes, they are both incredibly self-sacrificing for the people they love, and they both experience a lot of grief. They are both true friends at the end of the day who will move heaven and earth for the ones they love, and damn the consequences. You could argue that that loyalty and self-sacrificing love and courage forms the core of why they're such inseparable friends. They have a huge thing in common.

But I adamantly disagree that the main difference is just that Elena becomes a vampire and that's why she's more sympathetic. Elena DOES NOT "always fight for people's humanity" before she becomes a vampire-- and what I mean by my earlier statement is this: she sides with vampires to the detriment and even death of humans all the time, and she stops caring about the collateral damage. A NORMAL thing to do would be to worry about innocent lives-- the way Bonnie ALWAYS does. Bonnie sees Caroline kill that man in 2x02 and she FLIPS. Elena sees it and she brushes it off. In fact, Elena starts brushing off deaths in season 1. Does she care that Damon kills the home owner in Let The Right One In? No, it's more important to save Stefan. Does she care about Bree at all when they go to Georgia? Not particularly! What about the girl Stefan attacks in Miss Mystic Falls? It's not about that girl, it's about making Stefan better for Elena. What about when Damon and Caroline and even Stefan kill the sheriff's deputies in Kill Be Killed? She literally watches them eat people. No problem. The only time Elena has a problem with human casualties by this point is when the casualty is someone she loves. She doesn't care about humanity in a broad, normal sense of the word because her sympathies are with the vampires in her life. Bonnie isn't like that. Bonnie is Elena's moral foil-- yes, they are close friends who love each other, but it's Bonnie who resists the seduction and is constantly telling everyone "you're stupid for going along with this, this is wrong, how could you?" and it's Elena who's getting seduced and brought to the dark side and becoming a vampire in all the ways except for the literal.

So, no, I don't see them as the same. It's relevant when one character has a moral compass and the other doesn't, especially when that narrative journey is one of the main thematic elements of the show. (At least, it was, before it became cool and awesome to be a vampire and be vampire roommates or whatever.)

#anonymous #tvd #yikes this got impassioned

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minervacasterly · 4 years

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MARGARET TUDOR: The Queen Who Thrust Herself into the Political Chessboard

The Spanish Princess is showing Margaret in a broader light than other historical dramas where she is distorted and merged with her younger sister, shown for a brief period of time or is practically non-existent. Margaret’s life was a never ending roller coaster. Unlike what was shown in the first episodes of part 2 of TSP, the real Margaret never broke decorum. She certainly would have never disrespected her husband in front of his lords. However, she did have a strong will and was determined (at all costs) to protect her young.In hindsight, she could have chosen for a better husband – or a better route – to keep her regency or, share power with her surviving son’s distant Stewart cousin.

Her marital problems aside, including her son’s mandate to remain married to her third husband (in spite of his betrayal), the last four years of her life, were spent in safe retreat. She wasn’t actively involved in government, since her son was now of age. But she was nevertheless happy to be there by her son’s side, should he need her advice.

Although Margaret’s death is a stark contrast to the two most controversial of Henry VIII’s queens, his first two wives, Katherine of Aragon and Anne Boleyn; her end by no means was her beginning. Today, mourners can visit the tomb of Katherine of Aragon. Though not a saint, she has become a cult figure. The same goes for Anne Boleyn, who’s treated as the equivalent of the Virgin Mary for bearing the golden savior of England, Queen Elizabeth I. Every year, hundreds of visitors pay their respects to these women’s tombs. One of the most popular tourists spots for Tudor history buffs is Hever Castle, St. Peterborough Cathedral, and Hampton Court Palace. The first is the Boleyn homestead, where Anne, her sister Mary and brother George grew up. The second is the place where Katherine is buried. And the last is Henry VIII’s majestic palace.

Although at the time of their deaths, it was almost taboo to say a good word about Katherine of Aragon and Anne Boleyn – not to mention that since their marriages had been annulled before their deaths, they didn’t receive burials befitting their stations. Yet, as time went on, their popularity grew. This reverence didn’t reach Margaret Tudor. Death for her was truly the end of her journey. Margaret deserves equal admiration as all of Henry VIII’s wives and her younger sister. She was a woman with a will of iron who lived through many tragedies and survived many intrigues – including those of her own doing when these didn’t go as planned. Her last demands indicate that she wished that the last of the bad blood that existed between the King and her second husband, the Earl of Angus would be over. She also asked that her possessions be handed over to her daughter, Lady Margaret Douglas. She never got an answer. She died at Methven Castle on the 18th of October 1541. She was buried at the Carthusian Charterhouse in Perth in Central Scotland. Ironically, despite having enjoyed a good relationship with her son James V and his second wife, Mary of Guise; her son didn’t fulfill her wishes. He chose instead to appropriate himself of all his belongings.

As the religious wars continued to divide Western Europe, Calvinists in Scotland decided to give the biggest middle finger to the Catholic faction by desecrating the tombs of past kings and queens, and saints. Just like their predecessors, over a thousand years before when they burned pagan sites, or their Catholic enemies who burned Maya and other precious historical jewels in the “New World”, in 1559 Calvinists, professing the true faith, opened Margaret’s tomb, destroyed her burial site and burned her body until there was nothing left.

Was it fair?

No.

It’s history. It can’t be rewritten or undone. Only reflected upon. Margaret’s descendants still sit on the English throne. The first Stuart King to sit on the English throne descended from both her children, James V and Lady Margaret Douglas. James VI of Scotland became the I of England and Ireland in March 1603 after Queen Elizabeth I died and her privy councilors chose him as their next ruler. This was in direct violation to her brother, Henry VIII’s instructions which stated that if neither of his offspring, Edward VI, Mary I and Elizabeth I had any legal issue of their own then the next in line would be the heirs of Mary Tudor, Queen Dowager of France and Duchess of Suffolk (Margaret’s younger sister) and Charles Brandon. But at this time, Elizabeth had long shown that she did not care for wills and naming heirs, so it was up to the politicians to name who’d suit them best. While Margaret is a rising star in historical fiction and romance novels, she still remains obscure. She’s largely seen as a side-character or an auxiliary figure when her actions show that she was much more than that. Prior to Flodden, Margaret tried to convince her husband not to ride to Flodden based on a dream where she saw he was murdered. After his death, Katherine of Aragon, feeling genuine sympathy for her sister-in-law, sought to reestablish a peace between their adoptive countries. Margaret was not just a widow but Scotland’s Regent. Ruling in their son and husband’s names respectively, Margaret and Katherine started to work together to seek a resolution. Unfortunately, Henry VIII had other plans. It’s not known how Margaret felt about Katherine following the death of her first husband, or when she and Angus sought asylum in England after their failed coup against John Stewart, the Duke of Albany (who’d been chosen to replace her as her son’s regent). There are no letters that express any ill will between the two women. Yet, her actions speak of a possible resentment. In Alison Weir’s biography of her daughter, Lady Margaret Douglas, The Lost Tudor Princess, she points out that while her youngest sister remained a fervent supporter of Katherine until her death, Margaret chose to side with Anne Boleyn. Margaret’s daughter was in England under her uncle’s care. Though a good friend of Princess Mary, her livelihood was in her uncle’s hands. Margaret probably thought that if she sided with Katherine, Henry VIII would take it out on his niece. Or it could be a case, where with her daughter’s welfare and future in mind, Margaret still felt a little resentment over what happened at Flodden. Either way, Margaret worked endlessly to be the mediator she could not be during the events leading up to Flodden. Like her mother, she possessed a silent strength that is often ignored when studying women of these period. The modern proverb of “silent women don’t make history” isn’t only wrong, it’s a narrow view of history. All kinds of women make history. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Margaret Tudor’s life is a clear example of that.

Sources:

Fatal Rivalry: Flodden, 1513: Henry VIII and James IV and the Decisive Battle for Renaissance Britain

Tudors vs Stewarts: The Fatal Inheritance of Mary, Queen of Scots by Linda Porter

Tudor. Passion. Murder. Manipulation: The Story of England’s Most Notorious Royal Family by Leanda de Lisle

The Lost Tudor Princess: The Life of Lady Margaret Douglas by Alison Weir

Game of Queens by Sarah Gristwood

Images: Georgie Henley as Queen Margaret Tudor of Scotland in The Spanish Princess Part 2; posthumous sketch of Margaret Tudor, and Methven Castle where Margaret Tudor died.

#Margaret Tudor #The Spanish Princess #History #Scotland #England #Flodden #dailytudors

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thecatsaesthetics · 3 years

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Anne Boleyn 2021 Review

Okay, so I want to start this off by saying I am a day late and a dollar short. I know that. Who wants my, over thousand-word, essay on this... but I've gonna give it to you. So please keep reading and leave me comments with your thoughts about this show.

So I will start this off with the positives:

I think Jodie Turner-Smith was excellently cast as Anne Boleyn. Jodie has a remarkable range as an actress. Especially since this version of Anne Boleyn, she is both victim and villain Jodie was able to pull it off flawlessly. She jumped from being a heartbroken wife to manipulating Henry VIII very well. Two scenes that really highlight this are:

The one after her miscarriage and Henry riding off; showed Anne’s desperation and sorrow very well. “Won’t you say goodbye to your wife?” was a heartbreaking line and I very nearly lost it when she collapsed.

The second was in the next episode where she manipulated herself back into his “good graces” by proposing Cromwell had been double-crossing him. This didn’t come across as villainous to me, it came across as a woman in a struggle for survival. Playing the game to keep her station after miscarriage.

I will say this about the show Jodie carried it on her back. She made Anne very sympathetic but highlight that she had this temper that harmed her. However, unlike Claire Foy’s Anne Boleyn I never felt this Anne was unlikable. She came across as someone struggling to survive. The scene with Mary after she learns of potentially Mary being reinstated in the line of succession also highlighted this. The whole "The King never likes to be without me for long" was a lie given he had left her but it was to puff up her station. Reminding Norfolk that she helped his daughter marry the King's son. Forcing Chapuys to kiss her hand. These weren't just power moves, they were survival moves.

This Anne was similar to Natalie Dormer’s Anne in season 2 of the Tudor and Geneviève Bujold in Anne of a Thousand Days. I enjoyed how Jodie both made the performance utterly her own but also obviously drew inspiration from the others.

Moving on,

Another positive was George and Anne’s relationship. I did like how touching their scenes were. The final meeting between George and Anne was heartbreaking.

The horse symbolism, while oddly ripped off from The Tudor’s swan symbolism what I liked. Also, the clock from King Francis implying the “Her time is up” I truly enjoyed. I am just a sucker for symbolism

The Norris Comment

I LOVED THIS. I loved how not only it was said, Anne being flirtatious and joking but the immediate drop. This was the moment Anne truly screwed up. I loved how Norris reacted and the reactions of everyone in the room. This comment is oddly overlooked by most productions of Anne Boleyn or Henry VIII. From what I have read it was an incredibly important comment that was made by Anne. This in combination with her final miscarriage left her in a dangerous position.

Now to a more mixed feeling:

Henry and Anne’s relationship:

On the one hand, I liked it, it showed they were still into each other a lot. This is unlike The Tudors where Henry VIII weirdly loses all sexual interest in Anne (but somehow still expects her to have a baby). Most productions show Anne and Henry’s marriage crumbling the second she has Elizabeth which just isn’t true. I also liked how the miscarriage alone didn’t cause Anne’s downfall, which is usually how it’s done.

That being said the physical violence… Henry VIII was a lot of things but he really wasn’t a physically violent guy himself. He’d execute you but he was a coward about it. I think the one notable time Henry got physically violent with a wife is when he ordered a sword after discovering Katherine Howard’s prior “relationships” and people thought he was angry enough to execute her himself. Even with Jane Seymour, he seems more degrading of her at times than physically violent. Emotional violence was more Henry’s style.

I do understand that they were trying to show the relationship as chaotic, volatile, and unhealthy. However, I just didn’t think it was necessary to add physical violence to do this.

Now with the petty:

The costumes… were so god damn ugly. Just as a side note before we pass from the positives to the true negatives. I just don’t understand what goes through the minds of costume designers. Jodie is a beautiful actress and they put her in the ugliest of clothing.

I mean I have seen worse costumes. They weren't as bad as The White Princess or Wolf Hall. But I would put them alongside The White Queen honestly.

I don't think costumes must be accurate, but I want them to be pretty at least. If you aren't going to make them accurate can we at least have something interesting to look at?

The Negatives:

Jane Boleyn: Ummm I don’t know what to say other than this is fucking dumb. I mean I guess we should be glad there was no physical violence between George and Jane this time around. Other than that I don’t get it. We literally are three mins into episode one and they have Anne call Jane a “spiteful little bitch” why? Because she’s upset her husband is cheating on her? Like Anne is upset her husband is cheating on her? Why wouldn’t Anne sympathize with Jane if that were the case? Even if they wanted to make Jane Boleyn evil they did a bad job. Am I not supposed to have sympathy with the wife getting cheated on?

Also, Dan Jones should have his degree ripped from him. Dan Jones is an actual historian who is an executive producer on this show and he allowed them to have Jane be brought as a witness to Anne’s trial.

On that note let’s move to the Jousting Head Injury thing. Again Dan Jones should have his degree ripped from him. This event did not happen, at least not like this. You can watch Claire Ridgeway’s video on this but the historical records do not support Henry VIII being unconscious at all after this fall. And it was funny they had Chapuys heavily involved in these scenes since he never even wrote about this event. You’d think if it was that important he would have.

That gross miscarriage scene… for all that is holy I do not understand why we are getting these intense miscarriage scenes. The camera was literally between Jodie’s legs at one point. It was so nasty. The sounds… I just can’t. I won’t go into it further but I’d rather have Natalie’s Dormer’s implied miscarriages with just some bleeding then this shit any day.

Now before I tactical the racism I want to say the final episode was probably the weakest one. Anne’s trial… I hated it. I hated Anne speech it was way too much Feminism™. I would have rather had her execution speech or her confession with Crammer. I do get why they only chose to have one of these in the episode, it would totally over crowd the episode. That being said… not only was the directing weird in this scene the speech they wrote just was subpar at best.

The Racism:

Okay, I am going to try my best to tactical the racism in the show. Now I am white and I don’t want to say I should be speaking over ANYONE. Plenty of black Tudor fans have written this better than me.

However, two plot points on this show really struck me as racist.

Jane Seymour: the odd predator behavior Anne has around Jane Seymour. It must be noted that the age gap looks apparent on the screen. Jane’s actress is 25 and Jodie is 34. Jane looked like an innocent schoolgirl and the aggressive scenes with Anne made these seem incredibly predatory. In ALL other productions, I’ve seen this is never how Anne and Jane come across.

The weird kiss between them was both racist and homophobic. I think they said it was about Anne wanting to see the “appeal”. Again it just made her look predator. The worst scene was when she was circling Jane as she spoke a hymn. Honestly, they made Jodie look like a fucking shark in that scene. It was so nasty.

The second and less talked about was Anne and Kingston. I don’t get why nobody is talking about that disturbing scene where Kingston physically pushes Anne onto the bed and holds her there. It was utterly disturbing, and quite frankly I am shocked anyone found that appropriate. You cannot separate Anne being portrayed by Jodie, a black woman, and having a white man grip her head down on a bed saying “She’s only a woman” as an insult. It was incredibly disturbing.

Also in general having Kingston treats Anne so awful… when all other productions of Anne Boleyn have Kingston treat her remarkably well. Racism is implied here. Why in every other production Anne's ladies are kind and gentle to her, and Kingston is moved by her, but when it's Jodie he's physically brutalizing her?

I think there were obviously other incidents, including all the shit with George and Jane but I don’t feel that equipped to handle them. I just wanted to bring these two to light.

Overall:

Jodie was amazing, carried the show on her back. That’s kind of it. It was very subpar. For a show that claims in the beginning inspired by “The Truth… and lies,” it seems more inspired by lies than by any sort of truth.

I mean did we need another Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn TV show. Probably not. Which makes me feel sad. Jodie was so good. She truly pulls off regal. I want to see her in more period dramas. But other than that… 5.5 stars maybe?

#anne boleyn 2021 #anne boleyn #henry viii #jane seymour #tudors #jane boleyn #george boleyn

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katybirdy95 · 4 years

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I was looking over some comments on YouTube for next week’s preview of The Spanish Princess.

I know, I really need to stay away from YouTube and Twitter, especially when it comes down to historical figures because I just get annoyed and then everyone on here has to listen to me complain. I swear I don’t moan this much in my day to day life, but this is mainly a historical/costume drama blog and there’s no one else I know in my private life that wants to discuss this show, which means that you will all need to suffer for it haha.

Anyway, I was watching the preview for Faith (episode 7) and decided to scroll down to the comments, they weren’t all hateful, mainly just lementing that for many years Katherine has been kind of left in the shadows and now that she finally has a show where she’s the main character, it’s the rollercoaster, which keeps going down that is The Spanish Princess.

There were also a few comments stating how this has been the best depiction of Katherine they have ever seen, which makes me believe they haven’t seen much because TSP Katherine is not strong, dignified or regal, instead she’s angry, selfish and rude to the majority of people around her, which is a far cry from the real Katherine, but I thought to myself, it’s not that important because they probably haven’t seen actresses like Maria Doyal Kennedy, Irene Papas, Annette Crosbie, Paola Bontempi or Frances Cuka (I haven’t seen Isabel or Carlos Rey Emperador) in action and that’s fine, but then I saw a few comments that said The Tudors was a horrible depiction of Katherine and Mary because Katherine was old, bitter and the majority of depictions have her represented as a hag.

I mean, who can look at this woman and think old and hag-like, she’s a literal goddess:

Yes, I have complained in the past that she hasn’t got the right colouring - I have to stick up for my fellow gingers - and I still believe that she could have gotten away with dark red hair, but she’s beautiful. Does she look older than JRM, she does, but that doesn’t stop her from being beautiful or talented.

MDK was a fantastic Katherine who played her with such dignity, grace and regalness that even as a fan of Anne Boleyn, I still felt sorry for this queen - I have always felt sympathy for Katherine though - because MDK portrayed her in such a way that you could tell her whole world was falling apart, but yet she still remained quietly strong and queen like, which was pretty true for the real Katherine. Also, at least The Tudors showed a loving relationship between Mary and Katherine and we as the audience knew that Katherine was fighting for her daughter’s rights and of course there was the heartbreaking scene when Katherine is dying and thinks she sees Mary, which is the right way to go when developing a relationship between two characters, if it had been depicted like TSP, we wouldn’t feel the same sadness for Katherine when she imagines her daughter by her bedside. We also see Katherine in The Tudors take an interest in her daughter’s education and see them having fun and playing together and then the anguish of watching them being forced apart, there is never a moment where we believe that Mary wasn’t good enough in Katherine’s eyes and that’s because she wasn’t.

Also, most depictions of Katherine have her played by very talented and beautiful actresses. It’s usually productions that only have her in one or two scenes that make her more unfortunate looking, but it’s not a common accurance, in my opinion.

Finally, the comments have stated TSP Katherine is the best portrayal because EF and PG made her young and beautiful and a fearless, warrior queen (not my words) who doesn’t take anyone’s nonsense, but is that all it comes down to? The main reason you think the TSP portrayal is in anyway respectful of Katherine of Aragon is because the actress is beautiful, I think that’s a weak reason.

Yes, the actress is beautiful, but the character is selfish, arrogant and lacks any of the grace, kindness and piety that Katherine was known for and what drew people to her.

This version of Katherine despises her own daughter, which lasts up until the girl is six and has to be told to love her. Yes, I understand that this show wanted it to be depicted as Katherine distancing herself from her daughter because of the pressure of needing to produce a son and perhaps she’s suffering from postnatal depression, but either the writers are bad at depicting this and/or the actress just doesn’t have the range to convey Katherine’s struggle.

In conclusion, here are better portrayals everyone can sink their teeth into:

Yes, I know Irene Papas doesn’t look anything like Katherine, but she is beautiful and makes for a very dignified Katherine. Although, it’s not my favourite out of these five actresses, but it’s not the worse.

#katherine of aragon #the spanish princess #tsp #depictions

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moghedien · 5 years

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Love Me, Love Me - An Overly Obsessive Analysis of All You Wanna Do

Here it is. I’m finally writing a far too long and overly analytic essay that no body asked for (well one person did) about All You Wanna Do from Six the Musical. More realistically, I’m going to discussing Katherine Howard throughout the musical and specifically how she manipulates the audience throughout the show to make All You Wanna Do all the more effective. I use the word manipulate and will probably do so again, which has a negative connotation, but I don’t mean it in a negative way. It’s just the most effective word to use. I should also note that I’ve never seen Six…live. I may have happened upon some less than legal video, and all of the knowledge I’ll be pulling from beyond the cast recording and some audios will be from that. I know it was an earlier show and that there have been some changes since then, and I don’t have any way of knowing what those changes are so please bear with me if some details aren’t completely correct or still accurate. I do have every intention to see a production of Six eventually, but I live in the very, very Deep American South, so getting to a city where its playing is gonna take some time. Also, due to the nature of this song, I’m putting a heavy content warning for sexual assault, child grooming, pedophilia, etc. If you’ve listened to the song, you know what its about, so you know I’m going to be discussing all that.

Now that the preliminary disclaimers are out of the way, let’s begin.

From the beginning of the show, Katherine Howard is trying to win the audience over more than any other Queen. They’re trying in various ways, yes, but Howard is the one putting the most work in beyond just trying to make herself look better or justify herself to them. From her introduction in Ex-Wives she’s doing this. She interrupts Cleves’s dick joke with “Prick up your ears,” turning Cleves’s joke that probably would have landed somewhat, and making it her joke that definitely lands with the audience. After Ex-Wives, she looks directly at the audience when she delivers the line “The Thomas Cromwell Amongst the Royal Ministers, between 1532 and 1540” which is a line that only works because it goes on too long and is weirdly detailed and specific enough to be funny. She looks and points at people in the front row when she says “between 1532 and 1540” as an acknowledgement that she’s breaking from her stage persona for a moment to give them this line, and that sells it to the crowd. They know that she’s purposely being overly detailed and they’re with her. It’s not expected, especially not from her, and so its funny. The entire goal of K Howard throughout this show is the make sure that the audience stays with her and to use what people expect from her to her own advantage and, at some points, against them.

Really, that’s the goal of all the Queens to win over the audience, but the rest approach it differently. Aragon tries to convince the audience that she’s right and therefore deserves to win the competition. Boleyn tries to make her whole situation out to be ridiculous (including the fact that she got beheaded). Both of them heavily fall into basically going “can you believe what Henry did?” And I mean, neither of them is wrong. Seymour tries to pull on heartstrings and play into love and loss. Cleves…is interesting. Cleves is basically just there to prove that she’s above Henry and his nonsense. Parr I’m not really going to touch on, because her song is more a reaction to everyone else and the scene that happens after Howard gets “real” with her song. The other queens will occasionally interject to try to further win people over to their side, but they do so using the same point they were making in their song. They aren’t subtle about it, though they try to be. To the audience, though, its always clear what they’re doing, and for the most part that’s the joke. The one who actually is subtle about it, though, is Howard.

Being the fifth wife, Howard goes second to last. She knows this, and knows she can’t dump her trauma on the audience before her song, so what does she do make her case throughout the show, before she gets her shot in the spotlight? She makes sure the audience is on her side already by the time it gets to her. She steals Cleves’s punchline. She makes winky jokes with the audience and acknowledges that she’s doing so. She’s overall charming and she never once tries to convince them to be on her side in the competition, or at least never makes it seem like that’s what she’s doing. She just wants them to laugh at her jokes and like her, but that has nothing to do with the competition, surely? Well, considering she uses these exact same methods in her song, you can assume that this is an intentional manipulation. Again, I don’t mean manipulation maliciously, but she’s definitely making the audience want to like her before she even begins her story. But that’s for more reason than just winning the competition.

When it does get to her turn, the other queens try to again interject with their own points (the same points they’ve already made) and belittle her. It’s actually somewhat interesting because you can see Howard trying to speak up before Parr tells them it’s her turn, but she seems kind of meek in the background as the other queens bicker amongst themselves. Even after Parr has to kind of push her forward because its her turn, she looks intimidated. She seems to be trying to make herself small, and she’s holding onto the microphone like it’s a security blanket. She actually looks nervous, and she’s right in the middle of the stage, so all of the audience sees her being frightened and will probably feel for her in that moment. She looks like someone who needs help.

Then she begins roasting the other queens like chestnuts upon an open fire. It begins with their “Good luck trying to compete with us” to which she responds “You’re right, I mean your lives all sounded terrible, and your songs…” and then she shrinks back into her meek, awkward pose a moment before adding “…do a lot to convey that.” She’s using the sympathy she gained with the audience to pull off that joke, because they see that she’s being bashful but then she just pulls off this burn in the middle of that bashfullness. So they feel sympathy for K Howard, who’s already been charming throughout the show, who’s being shy now, but still manages to be funny. So the audience is with her already. Then she goes to the queens one by one and points out holes in their claims to having the Worst Time, but she does it in a humorous way. She does it in a way that makes the audience feels like it’s for them. She even looks at the audience when she gets to Parr, making a “can you believe her?” expression at them instead of actually addressing Parr. Howard is with the audience and the audience is with Howard. Its never been more true than in this moment.

When she gets to Cleves, she doesn’t insult Cleves in any way and instead decides to use the moment brag about herself. Not in a way that has anything to do with Henry or the competition. “Being rejected for your looks legit sounds terrible. I wouldn’t know anything about that.” And its not Cleves she’s addressing at this point, because again, she’s speaking to the audience when she says “Look at me, I’m really fit,” and in the version I saw, there are lots of cheers at this. People were whistling at her. People not only agree with everything she’s saying now, but they love her.

And then we get to her song. She drops her song like its her mic drop saying she has no idea how she’s going to compete with other queens. “Oh wait, like this” and the lights drop and the music starts and it’s a big seamless conclusion to the roast. Only its not the conclusion, you’re only just beginning, and haven’t even begun to realize what Howard is doing to manipulate you to make her point.

So Howard uses the audience in a way that others don’t do in their songs. In Aragon and Seymour’s songs, they act as though Henry is their audience. Boleyn and Cleves acknowledge the actual audience more, but its still as part of the song. Certain moments will be sung to specific audience members, but its only moments and again, its sung. It’s part of the song. Howard, on the other hand, doesn’t sing all of her story. A lot it’s a conversation with the audience; she’s telling them a story, and she’ll stop her song occasionally to continue the conversation. Bear with me, because I’ll be going line by line now.

She opens by speaking to the audience:

“I think we can all agree

I'm the ten amongst these threes”

And that’s both bold and presumptive, but by this point, she’s won over the audience. They do agree with her. They like her. They think she’s funny. They think she’s hot. And these lines aren’t only meant to boost her, but it gets the audience to belittle the other queens by agreeing with her. It’s also one last reminder that she’s on their side and they’re on hers. One last reminder that they can trust where she’s going to take them, and she trusts them.

And ever since I was a child

I'd make the boys go wild

Take my first music teacher

Henry Manox

I was young, it's true

But even then I knew

The only thing you wanna do is...

She starts out speaking these lines, then begins singing them as she goes on. Note the last three lines in particular. She’s going to mention her age again in a moment, but before she even gets to the exacts of that, she’s telling you that “even then she knew.” So she’s making it clear right off the bat that she at least wants us to think she knows what people want from her. Also note she’s not saying “the only thing men want” or “the only think Henry Manox wanted.” She’s using you. I’m going to go more on that later, but her switch between third and second person pronouns is interesting. Also she doesn’t ever finish the sentence of what it is “you” wants to do. You’re forced to fill in the blanks by the kiss and breath she gives instead of the completion of the sentence. Again, more on that in a moment.

Broad, dark, sexy Mannox

Taught me all about dynamics

He was twenty three

And I was thirteen going on thirty

This is the first real indication that something’s off. This is also the first place that a lot of people will stop and think “wait what did she just say?” I remember the first time I listened to the song, I definitely noted the ages and I definitely was disgusted. In the live versions I’ve heard, Howard’s voice will fall a little when she says “I was 13” but she’ll immediately pick up again and add “going on 30” like it’s a joke that she’s telling everyone. Sometimes people laugh at it. Sometimes they don’t. When they do, it’s either that they don’t take in what she’s saying or it’s an awkward, uncomfortable reaction. A “oh ok that was a joke then?” It makes people uncomfortable, especially since she begins the verse by describing Manox as “Broad, dark, sexy.” She’s making him sound appealing, suggests that she finds him appealing right before dropping the fact that she was 13 and he was 23. That’s information she can’t drop and have it be ok without either breezing past it and hoping you don’t notice, or making light of it and trying to say it was ok. Howard does both of these, which makes it so that she doesn’t really accomplish either effectively. It sounds wrong. You, the audience, notice it, but you still go past it and keep watching/listening to the rest of her song.

We'd spend hours strumming the lute

Striking the chords and blowing the flute

He plucked my strings all the way to G

Went from major to minor, C to D

This happens immediately after the age reveal, in the same verse. Howard just blows past the age thing and starts to make it clear the relationship was sexual. She tries to convince the audience that she was on board. She puts herself in an active role saying “We’d spend hours” but then two lines later puts only him in the active role. A subtle thing, but it’s as if she can't keep up the claim that they were both active, willing participants in this. Her tone is still suggesting that everything is fine, that she’s on board and being taken care of in some way. Look, she’s so much more excited and outgoing than she was earlier when she was standing meekly in the middle of the stage, so she’s probably ok.

Tell me what you need

What you want, you don't need to plead

She changes who’s she’s addressing here. She’s no longer talking to the audience, or at least makes it seem like she isn’t at first glance. She’s talking to Manox, and frames it as if she’s trying to reassure him. “You don’t need to plead” suggests that he is pleading, which is a weird way to frame a 23 year old man trying to pressure a 13 year old girl to have sex with him. But this is coming from the point of view is of the 13 year old girl, who’s already been trying to put herself in an active role in this. But note that she’s never actually saying “this is something I want,” and instead saying “this is something he needs.” She’s not framing herself as “needing” anything, but instead trying to make herself understanding to his supposed needs. She makes it seem like she’s doing something for him, again putting herself in an active role. Making it seem like this was something she decided to do.

'Cause I feel the chemistry

Like I get you and you get me

And now she’s explaining why she’s “deciding” to do this. She feels a chemistry with Manox. He gets her. You get her, because she’s still using second person when referring to Manox. Manox still isn’t he anymore. Manox is you. And isn’t it interesting that she’s putting you (the audience) in Manox’s role when she’s been addressing you and building up a rapport with you (the audience) for the entire show? She gets the audience and the audience gets her, right?

And maybe this is it

He just cares so much it feels legit

She switches back to third person now, removing any suggestion that she might be referring to anyone but Manox. Because now she’s trying to justify this. To herself. To you the audience. It’s ok if she “lets” him do this because he might be The One, right? He seems to care for her, so wouldn’t this be caring for him? Didn’t she already say that she understands that he needs this? If she’s letting him, then it’s not bad...right?

We have a connection

I think this guy is different

Ah, the first “connection.” This is the part in the song where Howard gets touched for the first time. It’s not too much. Parr and Seymour stand in either side of her, facing away from the audience, and they put their hands in her shoulders. You might not even realize that they’re doing it at first. Howard doesn’t seem bothered by it, and doesn’t acknowledge it. She looks at the audience while two people put hands on her and she sings that “this guy is different.” And the audience watches still, witnessing all that’s happening. The two people touching her are looking away from you, clearly not wanting to be seen, but still clearly doing it.

'Cause all you wanna do

All you wanna do baby

Is touch me, love me, can't get enough, see

All you wanna do

All you wanna do baby

Is please me squeeze me birds and the bees me

The first chorus, and I should note the music at this point is very pop-y. It’s upbeat. It’s happy and gives you no reason to think anything’s off at this point.

So for the chorus, Howard switches back to second person. All YOU wanna do is touch her. All YOU wanna do is love her. It’s obvious that the “you” here is Manox, but the frequent switches from “you” to “he” is disorienting, especially since she goes on to address the audience directly immediately after the chorus. So it’s not so much that she’s addressing You the Audience instead of Manox, and what she’s actually doing is making Manox a part of You the Audience. She’s focusing on him for now, but don’t these claims also apply to the audience? They cheered and whistled she said she was really fit. They laughed and agreed when she said she was a ten. They’ve been on her side every time she made a claim like that. So while You the Audience may not be Manox, Manox is among you, and you have some things in common with him. That combined with the plucky, pop music doesn’t seem bad right now. The audience doesn’t even notice the 23 year old man in their midst that is forcing sex on a 13 year old, especially since the 13 doesn’t seem to be suffering or anything. Look at her, she’s fine and she’s encouraging it, isn’t she? She seems happy. You’ve seen what it looks like when she’s afraid. And let’s be clear “birds and the bees me” leaves no illusion as to exactly what’s going on. She’s telling you what’s going on, so there’s no way to deny that or suggest otherwise. You know what’s happening.

Run your fingers through my hair

Tell me I'm the fairest of the fair

Playtime's over

The only thing you wanna do is...

Last part of the chorus, and I wanted to separate it to point out the language. The language isn’t inherently aggressive or violent here. “Run your fingers through my hair” that’s almost nothing. We know what’s going on because the lines above tell us it IS sexual, but this is rather tame for the most part. The accompanying music is rather tame too, and still perky. The “fairest of the fair” allusion adds fairy tale language and the next line “playtimes over” here work together to reinforce the impression that she’s 13 here. She’s a kid who thinks that this man might be Prince Charming. She tells herself it’s romantic, it’s a fairy tale. But then playtime is over. The line repeats through each chorus but here it has two meanings: Manox is done with her, and childhood is done. She may not even realize the latter yet. She may not even realize that this man hurt her, but this man who “felt legit” and might have been “it” is clearly done with her. The only thing he/you wanted was to....

She never actually directly says sex, but she makes every possible reference she can to make it clear that sex occurred. But she can never finish the line “the only thing you wanna do is...” She can never bring herself to claim it. Instead she just blows a kiss and makes you figure out the rest. The only thing you/Manox wanted was sex, and when he got it he was done. You know that. She knows it but can’t completely acknowledge it and make it real. It’s obvious though, and the audience is still watching this happen.

So for the next lines, I’m going to use the spoken dialogue from the show rather than the cast recording because I think it provides better context.

[Spoken]

So then there was another guy, Francis. And at the time I was living at my step-grandma’s house and he was working for her. Working so, so hard. So he asked me to be his little piece of ass...sistant.

So Howard speaks these lines rather than sing them. As I mentioned already, she’s the only queen who really stops her song multiple times to turn to the audience and talk to them. But she isn’t only acknowledging them, she’s giving them a story. She’s providing context. She’s being friendly with them. Yes, she’s the one performing on stage, but she knows that the audience is there and she knows what they want, and she’s so willing to please. To give people the entertainment and the story they want. It’s like she wants to make sure that the audience really understands.

So to get to what Howard actually says here, she just breezes past Manox and moves onto the next guy. She doesn’t let herself dwell on Manox any longer and quickly rushes forward and onto Francis. The context for Francis, like Manox, is unsettling. She’s living with her step-grandmother and her grandmother’s adult secretary turns his attention on her and gets her to “help” him. However, like with Manox, she makes a joke about it. She acknowledges that he wants her around so that he can objectify and sexualize her. She uses that fact as a punchline, and people do laugh at the line. Even when she’s clearly saying “he employed me because he wanted to have sex with me” the audience laughs, because her joke was funny, she seems to be fine, and she has a happy tone as she’s saying all of this. Manox didn’t turn out that bad, did he? She still seems happy, doesn’t she? The audience is still watching, aren’t they?

Serious, stern and slow

Get's what he wants and he won't take no

Passion in all that he touches

The sexy secretary to the Dowager Duchess

A few things here. Howard’s tone is still meant to make it seem like she was into this, like these are attractive attributes of Francis, but literally the only positive words here are “passion” and “sexy.” She’s literally telling you that he doesn’t take no for an answer. She’s also pointing out again the Dowager Duchess, her step grandmother. The woman who was supposed to be in charge of keeping an eye on her, but didn’t. The woman who definitely could have given Francis the boot or made sure, at the very least, that he didn’t make Howard his “piece of ass…sistant.” It’s not something that happened once and no one could have known about it. Howard mentions the woman twice, pointing out her prominence here. A woman who probably saw what was going on and did nothing, or who decided not to actually see what was going on and still did nothing. Who else is seeing what’s going on right now and doing nothing?

Helped him in his office, had a duty to fulfil

He even let me use his favourite quill

spilled ink all over the parchment

my wrist was so tired

Still I came back the next day

as he required

So Howard is again making it perfectly clear what’s going on without actually having to say it. If you didn’t get it at “his favorite quill” and “spilled ink all over the parchment,” you probably get it when she says “my wrist was so tired” which she speaks instead of sings and delivers it as if it’s a joke line. But then the next lines are “Still I came back the next day/as he required.” Her use of the word “still” really makes it clear how much agency she had in the situation, though at this point she’s still mostly trying to claim an active role in everything. What she’s saying here is “he made me do this and I did, but look, I still came back the next day.” You don’t say “still I came back” when you’re in a pleasant situation. The illusion she’s trying to create is starting to slip some. She’s starting to have trouble painting all of this out as something she enjoyed and chose.

You say I'm what you need

All you want you don't need to plead

'Cause I feel the chemistry

Like I get you and you get me

This bit of the pre-chorus is nearly identical to what she says about Manox, and again she slips into second person. Instead of her asking you/Francis what you need like she did with Manox, though, you/Francis are telling her. She’s not acting, but being acted upon. Still, she has to reassure that you/Francis don’t need to plead because obviously you have chemistry. And you/Francis get her. So, the “you” now consist of Manox, Francis, and the audience. Those two men are among the people watching this whole thing go down.

And I know this is it

He just cares so much this one's legit

We have a real connection

I'm sure this time is different

So the language here is notably different than it was with Manox. First I want to point out that this is the first indication from Howard herself that something with Manox was wrong. She’s “sure this time is different” meaning that she’s trying to convince herself that this time won’t be like last time. But she seemed so happy and into what happened last time? I mean, anyone with enough common sense to know that a 23 year old man should not be with a 13 year old would know that something was wrong, but Howard gave no indication herself that anything was wrong. Up until right now, retrospectively. And again, at the word connection, two of the queens touch her shoulders, grabbing her while they face away from the audience, wanting to remain anonymous while doing it.

What she is doing is trying to convince herself that this time, its ok. Whereas before she thinks they have a connection, now she knows. She doesn’t think this guy is different, she’s sure this time is different. Francis doesn’t just feel legit, he is legit. She’s telling both the audience and herself, “last time was bad but this time is real and fine!” And yet, we continue.

'Cause all you wanna do

All you wanna do baby

Is touch me love me can't get enough see

All you wanna do

All you wanna do baby

Is please me, squeeze me, birds and the bees me

You can't wait a second more

To get my corset on the floor

Playtime's over

The only thing you wanna do is...

The only lines in the chorus that aren’t identical to the first are “You can’t wait a second more/to get my corset on the floor” replacing the lines about telling her she’s the fairest of the fair. So the line that alludes to fairy tales gets replaced with a line about her getting naked. Meaning that the previous line that suggests her youth and wasn’t inherently sexual is replaced with a line that directly sexualizes her. She’s not that much older here than she was when the Manox incident occurred, but ever since the incident with Manox occurred, playtime has been over. The repetition of that reminds you of that, and again, suggests that Francis is done with her once he gets what he wants.

[Spoken]

So yeah, that didn’t work out. Turns out some guys just employ women to get them into their private chambers. Different time back then. So I decided to take a break from boys. Focus on my career, and my dad got me this amazing work placement in court and you’ll never guess who I met.

This time Howard does acknowledge that “that didn’t work out.” She acknowledges directly that her impressions about Francis were wrong. She was sure about him. She phrased everything in absolutes, not hypotheticals, and it still “didn’t work out.” But Howard is still working the audience here. She’s glib, makes it sound like a joke. Then drops the line “Turns out some guys just employ women to get them into their private chambers. Different time back then.” That may be the most important line here. It’s a joke, but one that we get because we know its ironic and not accurate. We know now more than ever that men still hire women to “get them into their private chambers.” We know that in this instance, times aren’t different. This still happens, and its something that has been ignored and not talked about until very recently. Howard knows that we know this. She knows that “different times back then” will land, and she uses that line and that knowledge to connect what has happened and will continue to happen to her to those abuses we know about now. We know those things happen, and they happened to Howard back then too, and we’re still just watching it happen to her.

So this is where the song also really starts to shift. She says that she’s taking a break from boys and focusing on her career. She gets a good job. She stops sexualizing the situation and trying to justify what’s going to happen before hand. She’s starting to realize what she actually wants, and that’s to have a good job at court. She’s making career choices, not marital choices. She is now making the decision herself that she doesn’t want men or a relationship, but a job.

Tall, large, Henry the Eighth

Supreme head of the Church of England

Globally revered

Although you wouldn't know it from the look of that beard

How she introduces Henry is already different. She attempted to sexualize the prior two men and make them sound appealing. In most audios I heard, Howard pauses between “large” and “Henry the Eight,” as if she’s trying to come up with some more appealing way to describe him but she can’t. The best descriptions she has is “he’s big and the head of a religion. Some people like him and his beard is funny.” Very sexy description. It’s like she can’t even make herself sexualize him. With the others she could at least tell herself that they were attractive so she must be interested in them. Not with Henry.

Made me a lady in waiting

Hurled me and my family up in the world

Gave me duties in court and he swears it's true

That without me he doesn't know what he'd do

Still, Howard is doing nothing to attempt to sexualize Henry. She’s not even suggesting that their relationship was sexual or romantic, whereas before she was explicit about the sexual natures of her relationships. She’s talking about a job. He gave her a job. He elevated her family by giving her a high placement in court, and clearly its because she deserves it, as he says he doesn’t know what he’d do without her. She’s doing nothing to build to the marriage that we know is coming. She’s doing nothing to romanticize this. She’s here to have a career. She wants to do her job, and she’s proud that she seems to be doing such good work and making Henry (her boss in this situation) pleased with her work.

You say I'm what you need

All you want we both agree

This is the place for me

I'm finally where I'm meant to be

These lines are, to me, maybe the saddest in the entire song. Worse than the chorus about Thomas Culpepper even. Howard has done nothing up until this point to suggest that she and Henry’s relationship is sexual or would become sexual. She’s been talking about her job in court. These lines, unlike with the previous two men, don’t read as if she’s trying to agree to their sexual advances. They read as if she’s meeting with her boss. They read as if she’s interviewing for a job or a promotion. She’s what he needs in court. They both agree that court is the place for her. And she’s finally realized that this, the work she does in court, is what she wants. Not a relationship with a man. She doesn’t even seem to comprehend that Henry could go after her. As she said earlier, she’s focusing on her career. Then Henry comes to her with this and she thinks they’re on the same page. But they’re definitely not talking about the same things.

And once again, she’s making Henry a part of you. He’s in the audience with the other two. You, the audience, came here knowing what would happen. Howard is only here because Henry did go after her and married her. You know this. You know where he’s going with this. And you’re watching her not realize what’s happening until she accidentally agrees to this and gets into the situation. You’re still watching. You’re still with Manox and Francis and now, you’re with Henry.

Then he starts saying all this stuff

He cares so much he calls me love

Now Howard is realizing that Henry wasn’t talking about her career. He was saying that he needs to be with her. And for the first time, we get no indication about exactly what’s going on except “he starts saying all this stuff.” But he does seem to care, doesn’t he? He calls her love, doesn’t he? That’s not nothing, right? That has to mean something. She legitimately struggles with this, because two of the queens try to touch her shoulders again, and she swats them away. She can’t even make it seem like she’s interested. The “he cares so much” is a half hearted attempt to comfort herself.

He says we have this connection

I guess it's not so different

At this connection, two of the other queens grab her shoulders like they did before, but another comes from behind and puts an arm around her waist. She doesn’t see it happen and she can’t do anything to break away because she’s literally being held. But this time she isn’t the one saying they have a connection. He is saying they have a connection. She doesn’t seem to agree, and she has to tell herself that this relationship isn’t so different from the previous ones, and also that this outcome isn’t so different from what she wanted. Isn’t being queen like a promotion? But she literally has to use the two times she previously taken advantage of by older men to comfort her in this situation. It’s not so different from those times. This time it’s just your boss who is also your king, the head of your religion, physically imposing and by all accounts repulsive and sickly, about 33 years older than you, has a daughter that’s older than you, and also beheaded one of his previous wives who happens to be your first cousin. It’s not THAT different.

'Cause all you wanna do

All you wanna do baby

Is touch me, love me, can't get enough see

All you wanna do

All you wanna do baby

Is seize me, squeeze me, birds and the bees me

There's no time for when or how 'cause you

Just got to have me now

Playtime's over

The only thing you wanna do is...

Before I even get into the language here, I’m want to talk about the choreography of this verse. Howard all but stops dancing. She’s pretty much just standing there, occasionally shifting or making a hand gesture, but she’s not dancing. She looks like someone who is trying to look like they’re dancing but failing terribly at it. She just looks so defeated. Before she could go along with it, or at least seem like she’s going along with it, but now she’s just standing there. And all around her the queens are still dancing, and their movements seem more violent juxtaposed against how little she’s doing here. They’re moving around her, touching her or almost-touching her, and she’s just letting it happen. Does nothing to protest it or join in with it.

The language in the chorus is getting more and more violent. “You” no longer want to please her. Now its “All you want do baby/is seize me.” Unlike with the last two men, Howard didn’t know what Henry was after from the beginning. She was on a different page with him until she had gotten into the situation, so even though the other two men had also been predatory, even though they had taken advantage of her and lied and manipulated her, the situation with Henry is much more violent because it’s not expected. She doesn’t have time to mentally prepare herself or try to convince herself that she has a choice in it. “There’s not time for when or how cause you just got to have me now” shows how suddenly this all was to her. And with Henry, she has the added complication of him being Henry. He’s not only forcing this, but she’s now the queen. Please remember that Katherine Howard was most likely either 16 or 17 when she became queen. Right here we’re talking about someone who wouldn’t even be out of high school yet and a 49 year old man who’s already had four wives.

[Spoken]

So we got married

Wooh...

Before, Howard can monologue a little bit between each chorus and verse, usually saying something that is supposed to make the audience laugh. After the chorus about Henry, though, this is all you get. She sounds so defeated/distraught and even chocked up when she says “So we got married,” and in some versions will sound like she’s trying to come up with more to say, but ends up just going “Woooh..” in a really unhappy way in attempts to make the audience laugh. A lot of people do laugh, because they’re supposed to. It’s a joke. It’s a joke being delivered by a teenager who just recounted one of the most horrifying experiences a young girl/woman in a job can experience, and afterward just married her boss who put her through it because she didn’t really have a choice. Wooooh. And you’re still watching this all go down, even now that you can see that she’s clearly uncomfortable because she can no longer pretend otherwise.

With Henry it isn't easy

His temper's short and his mates are sleazy

Except for this one courtier

He's a really nice guy, just so sincere

So Howard does absolutely nothing to introduce Thomas before this moment. She doesn’t even say his name yet, and she never says his last name. Manox, Francis, and Henry all got introduced or hinted at before their respective parts of the song. With Thomas, she opens up with countering him against Henry and his sleazy mates. She’s making it clear she can’t even pretend to have a good relationship or good opinions of Henry. She’s queen and the only thing good she has is that one of Henry’s friends is nice to her and not a complete sleaze. Remember that prior to this, when she was describing court, she was so happy. She said that she belonged there, that she was happy and she liked it. She’s still in the same place and technically she’s higher in rank, and its miserable. Miserable to the point that even with what’s about to happen, her voice lifts slightly when she says Thomas is “just so sincere,” as if it’s a relief to her. As if it’s a pleasant memory, and not the thing that will soon end with her being taken advantage of once again and then beheaded for her “crimes.”

The royal life isn't what I planned

But Thomas is there to lend a helping hand

So sweet, makes sure that I'm okay

And we hang out loads when the king's away

So Howard went from being excited for her job in court, to being thrust in an extremely powerful and heavily scrutinized role with little to no help. Except Thomas, who to her, seems to be genuine. Why wouldn’t he want to help her? She’s his queen, and the wife of one of his friends. And now she’s married, so there’s nothing that could come of their relationship anyway. Howard now might be the safest she’s ever been from men (other than Henry) because not only is she married, she’s married to the king. That should de-sexualize her entirely, right? So Thomas’s help must be genuine and his friendship must be genuine. Howard has no reason to worry about his motives.

This guy finally

Is what I want, the friend I need

Just mates, no chemistry

I get him and he gets me

Howard doesn’t switch to second person here, like she usually does. She doesn’t make Thomas a part of that “you” that consists of Manox, Francis, Henry, and the audience. Because she has no reason to. Because he’s just a friend. And she realizes that’s what she’s needed this entire time: a friend. Someone that will make sure she’s ok. Only now, after all that’s been through in her short life, does she realize that’s all she’s ever wanted or needed. Someone who can just help her and spend time with her without sexualizing her or having any kind of ulterior motive. She can pretend to have chemistry with the other men, but Thomas is and will always be her friend. Someone who gets that she just needs a friend.

And there's nothing more to it

He just cares so much he's devoted

She feels so compelled to insist that there’s nothing beyond platonic friendship here. In some versions she sounds almost frantic to point out that there’s nothing more to it. He cares about her. He’s devoted to his queen. So that means that there’s no possible way he could want more. Men who care about her don’t want or expect more from her. She’s pacing the stage, pointing at people in the audience. At “And there’s nothing more to it,” Parr and Seymour put hands on her shoulder and she quickly shrugs them off without acknowledging it. She can’t acknowledge it, because she finally has a friend. He can’t want anything else from her. He can’t.

He says we have a connection

At this point the music stops. The other queens surround her and grab her arms, her legs, her shoulders, her chest. She’s just frozen in the web of hands touching her from every direction. She just freezes for several seconds, doing nothing to fight the hands on her. Because she’s at the most secure and powerful she’s ever been and could ever be, and it’s not enough.

I thought this time was different

Why did I think he'd be different?

But it's never, ever different

The hands stay on her through most of this, and she mostly just stands there. Her voice goes from shock/disappointment in “I thought this time was different” to self-deprecating at “Why did I think he’d be different?” to fury at “But it’s never, ever different” to the point where she pretty much screams the last word. It’s not that she’s only just realizing now what’s been happening to her. She’s known. She’s known this entire time. She begins the song by telling the audience that “I was young, its true, but even then I knew.” It’s that now, she can’t lie to herself about any of it anymore. Because even if she knew that Thomas wanted sex from her, she also knew that he couldn’t do anything, because she’s the queen. If he tried anything, he’d be dead. He can’t touch her, so she can say that he’s just her friend and shrug off the moments where he suggests otherwise like she shrugs off Parr and Seymour’s hands initially.

But now, apparently even that doesn’t protect her. Even being married to one of the most powerful men in the world, a man who has already beheaded men for supposedly sleeping with his wife, isn’t enough to protect her from every single man that wants to put his hands on her and assault her and abuse her. They’re going to do it no matter what, because its never different. Not even for the queen.

'Cause all you wanna do

All you wanna do baby

Is touch me, when will enough be enough?

See

All you wanna do

All you wanna do baby

Squeeze me, don't care if you don't please me

Bite my lip and pull my hair

As you tell me I'm the fairest of the fair

Playtime's over

The only thing

The only thing you wanna do is...

I’m just going to cover all of this at once. Howard is still stuck in the same spot. Her voice is some combination of screaming, crying, and singing, and she’s constantly being grabbed by the queens and either trying to push them off of her or waiting for them to let go. She goes back to the pronoun “you,” finally putting Thomas among all those other men and the audience, and she’s screaming. She’s furious, she’s finally accepted that she can’t accept this, that “you” don’t want to love her, just touch her constantly. You just want to squeeze her and pull her hair and hurt her to please yourself, and you don’t care how she feels about it. You’ll say kind things to her while you’re hurting her, as if that’s supposed to make it better. It just makes you feel better.

Then she’s on the ground, and all the queens are facing her, surrounding her and gradually stepping closer and closer as they sing “Playtime’s over” at her. Because its over, and its not just that she’ll be tossed aside again. Everything is over now, because of what men have done to her. Her life is over, as she literally is going to be beheaded because of everything that happened to her. Katherine Howard was either 18 or 19 years old when she was beheaded because men have been sexually assaulting her for years, and it was only acknowledged when they decided to condemn her to death for it.

After every version of this song that I’ve seen and listened to, there is a moment of shocked silence from the audience before they’ll start applauding. They’re startled by this turn in the song. They don’t expect Howard to start screaming at them or to start crying or to have this strong of an emotional reaction. Yet, they’ve been watching the whole time. They’ve been seeing everything that’s happened to her and listening to everything she’s said. And they have been listening and seeing because they’ve been laughing at her jokes and responding to her comments. The audience, or you, laughed at her jokes when she was making light of her sexual assaults. She has been making sure for the entire show that you were paying attention to her. You knew what was happening. And you just kept watching, shocked when at the end it got that dramatic.

If you were wondering why Howard makes the audience a part of the collective “you” that includes Manox, Francis, Henry, and Thomas, this is why. Because they may not have been doing the acts these men did, but they just sat there and watched as it happened, pretending--like Howard--that this it could have been consensual acts and that those jokes were funny. If those who knew from the beginning that it wasn’t ok just watched and did nothing to get in the way or help, they may not be these men, but they allowed the men to abuse her.

Howard does everything she can to endear herself to the audience and make herself noticed throughout the entire show, in preparation for her song. And by the time it gets to her song, they love her. They’re listening to her and interacting with her and noticing her, seeing everything she’s doing. And they still don’t stop what happens to her. So even if they don’t actually want to assault and hurt her, they might as well because it’s happening, they know it’s happening, and they did nothing.

Now am I saying that the audience is actually, literally complicit in this. No, obviously not; this is a musical. But the audience is a stand in more or less for everyone else that had to have seen what was going on and did nothing to prevent it from getting to the point where Howard’s head was on the chopping block. But the audience is meant to feel complicit because there were people complicit in letting these men abuse her, just like there are people complicit in letting abusers and rapists get away with it to this day. Her step grandmother did nothing to watch her when around Francis. Her family did nothing to watch her when around Manox and they placed her in the position where Henry would take notice of her. People laughed at Howard’s “different times back then” joke because they know that this still happens today, and she knows that they know. So, what are people doing when they see it going on? Just pretending not to notice? Still? Howard, like so many others, is a victim of not just the men who assaulted her, but the societal structures that think its better to let one girl be hurt and killed than it is to upset the power structure or punish the powerful, important men who abuse that girl.

Katherine Howard was a young girl. In Six, she just wants people to love her, and loving her is not sexual. In Megasix, she changes the lyrics so that its:

All you wanna do

All you wanna do, baby's

Sing along to your favourite queen's song

All you wanna do

All you wanna do, baby

Love me, love me

She wants to be your favorite queen, and she wants you to love her. The part where she’s trying to endear herself to the audience has never been a lie. She wants to win the audience over. Because if there’s one thing Katherine Howard has never had, it’s an adoring crowd that will listen and support her and sing along with her and just love her without wanting anything else. She’s done sexualizing herself in an attempt to make her point or to win people over, now she’s just telling you to love her, because she realized that all she ever needed was friends. So, love her, take care of her, be her friend, and ensure there aren’t other Katherine Howards in the world, because there have been too many already.

#six the musical #six: the musical #katherine howard #all you wanna do #catherine howard #long post

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