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#Like. My brother in christ....that was YOUR doing
airp2ds
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read part one of airpods here!!!
wc: 2k reader: femme!afab (matt calls reader a "pretty girl", is called a "young lady" by their uncle-- it's meant to feel derogatory ofc, reader is wearing a skirt, reader dances at a strip club in stilettos) warnings: smut 18+; MINORS DNI!!! -- specific warnings under the cut -- less of a bonkers scenario, but some really rich and fun plot development this time; funny & angst & fluff surprisingly-- stepcest obvi and we discuss it summary: after (y/n)'s little stunt a few days ago, their whole family gathers for an anything but peaceful dinner. rivalnewstepbrother!matthew has no interest in helping you out of this awful situation. or does he? yooooooo this only took 4 months to post, but it's perfect so hope you'll forgive me!! i TOLD you i'd do it eventually. and i did. missing organ and all. ilyyy thanks for bearing with me ੈ✩‧₊˚
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warnings: 18+ explicit smut, stepcest and we don't ignore it, p-in-v penetrative sex, brief heavy petting/fingering, not entirely safe cum destination lmao, unprotected obviously (do what you want, be smart), reader is a dancer at a strip club and their family is appalled, swearing... this one made me feel again yay
you stick your fork in a potato and pop it in your mouth, chewing and swallowing as you stare at your plate. your entire extended family converses around you at the long, glass dining table, celebrating your new stepdad’s birthday with your mom’s locally famous honey ham and roasted potatoes. 
everyone’s having a goodman ball.
everyone except... you.
after suffering such a devastating defeat a couple nights ago, you’d been avoiding matthew like the plague. tail between your legs, you’d stood up from your stepbrother’s bed after he left you high and dry— sulking all the way back to your room.
you’d been avoiding matthew so diligently since then that this dinner was the first time you’d seen him since his fingers were inside you. he’s eating a little too well and talking to all of your family members, oozing respect and likability. 
you’ve never hated anyone more.
“now matthew,” you grandmother starts, reaching out her hand to him, “please tell us more about what you’ve been doing abroad. it all sounds so important from what your father’s mentioned!”
matthew smiles humbly. “i’ve been pursuing a career in performance in seoul! it’s really not all that important in the scheme of things, but it’s definitely been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.”
“don’t be too humble, matthew,” your stepdad calls from the head of the table. “he works tirelessly day and night to accomplish his goal! he’s such a great kid.”
“we’re so very proud. i never imagined having a child with such passion and drive!” your mom chimes in obliviously. her eyes widen when she realizes what she said and she clears her throat awkwardly. “i mean, a son, that is.”
you close your eyes, stabbing a roasted red potato and letting your fork clatter onto the fine china plate. 
“(y/n), how are you doing?” your uncle asks quickly. “have you found a better job yet?”
“i’m doing fine, thank you,” you answer through gritted teeth. “and i like my job. i’m not interested in finding one that society would categorize as better at this time.”
“but a young lady like you shouldn’t be—.”
“but what i am interested in finding a better version of,” you interrupt, picking up your glass of wine and downing the remaining contents, “is a family. one that doesn’t judge me or compare me to my new stepbrother— who, if i’m to judge from how you all indulge him, is jesus christ reincarnated! how divinely exciting!”
“(y/n),” your mother scolds, grabbing the empty wine glass out of your hand. “don’t be so cruel to your brother.”
“he’s not my brother,” you assert, snatching the wine glass back. in a flash, it slips from your fingers and shatters onto the dining room floor.
“you always do this,” your mother sighs, shaking her head in disappointment. she can’t even look at you. "you get so jealous when anyone is doing better than you are. i’m just so tired of your selfish immaturity.”
“perhaps it's time for you to get your own apartment and stop freeloading off of us,” your stepfather says with a sigh. “then you’ll find the motivation to stop working at that indecent bar and start making a proper living.”
your stomach flips at the threat. “i grew up in this house. you moved in a year ago after the mortgage was already paid off. doesn’t that make you as much of a fucking freeloader as i am?”
“(y/n), stop this right now,” your mom tries again to quiet you.
“you talk like that and you think you could ever be as well-liked as my son? the—”
“dad,” matthew says, trying to interrupt the rant that’s already begun. he should know by now it’s too late.
“—reason that no one here ever boasts about your accomplishments is because you have none. the reason no one ever praises how respectable you are is because it would be a lie. you—”
“dad,” matthew says again, louder this time but it still doesn’t reach the ears of the valentino-suited man turning red in the face.
“—are an ungrateful brat of an adult child that doesn’t even have enough vision for their life to stop working at a strip club.”
everyone at the dinner table gasps. so the truth has been set free: ‘bar’ had been the code word your ashamed mother and stepfather had been using in place of ‘strip club’ for the past year.
guess their resentment had finally outweighed their shame.
your gaze travels down the table, landing on matthew. he’s staring at his lap awkwardly.
“if you’ll excuse me,” you say, standing up from your chair and giving a big, facetious curtsy. “the whore will leave the table now.”
——
you slam your bedroom door behind you, storming over to your bed and picking up your favorite plushy— the one your dad had bought you for your high school graduation before he... it’s a baby fox, pink blush across his smiling face. usually the only aggression you feel towards him is that of cuteness, but suddenly you find yourself filled with rage.
how had you not noticed before just how much barnaby foxworth iii looks like your stupid fucking stepbrother!?
you turn around, hurling baby foxworth across your room with a scream. your eyes widen as the plushy lands in the hands of his human twin. you hadn’t heard him come in over the blood rushing in your ears. 
matthew looks at the plushy, brow furrowing as he studies it. “i feel like i’ve seen this face somewhere before.”
“get the fuck out of my room,” you growl, walking over to him and grabbing baby foxworth. you frown as matthew holds onto him, not letting you pry your own plushy from his hands. “let go of him! what the fuck is your problem!?”
“i distinctly remember you stealing something from me a couple days ago and making it quite the fucking challenge to get it back,” matthew argues, pulling a little harder. “besides, how much can you really want something that you just threw across the room?”
you continue a tug-o-war for your beloved baby fox until you hear a sudden ripping noise. matthew lets go instantly, fear splayed across his face. you take baby foxworth in your arms, finding the fabric tear at the base of his little neck.
“i’m so sorry,” he apologizes quickly. “i really didn’t meant to—.”
“you’re sorry?” you repeat, jaw clenching as you step towards him. “sorry for what? sorry that you mamed barnaby foxworth iii? sorry that you barged into my room without knocking? sorry that i’ve made yet another mess out of a family celebration?”
“(y/n)…”
“sorry that all you do while they ridicule me is sit there and stare at your plate? sorry that your dad married my mom?”
“wait, (y/n)—…”
“sorry that i work at a strip club? sorry for what we did the other day?”
“i—…,” he stutters hopelessly. “i—.”
suddenly, your lips are on matthew’s— his body tensing at the unexpected action. you pull back, eyes meeting his.
they’re wide, shocked, confused. his hand reaches towards your face quickly and you think for a moment he’s going to slap you with it, but instead, he cups your jaw.
holding you still, he brings his lips back down to touch yours again. it’s a slow, languid kiss that, in and of itself, feels like an apology. a genuine one. 
it’s overwhelming. it challenges everything you thought you knew about this stranger you were now forced to call family.
you step back, clutching baby foxworth tighter to your chest. 
“they were so impressed when you told them you’re a dancer,” you whisper, tears beginning to spill over. “why were they so disgusted when i told them i am, too?”
his face falls as he thinks about your words. “i think you know why.”
you press your lips together, a sardonic huff of a laugh escaping you. did you really think you’d get sympathy from him?
“but it’s not fair,” matthew continues. “it’s not fair that they treat you that way.”
you’re afraid to look up at him, eyes remaining fixed on the tear at your plushy’s neck. “i didn’t even think you’d noticed.”
“i’ll admit, i didn’t see it at first. it’s not like i’m here that often,” he replies with a sigh. “and i guess i did think you were the problem. and i do still think you’re part of the problem, don’t get me wrong.”
you roll your eyes, looking down at the floor.
“but maybe you’ve forgotten that no one knows what my dad can be like more than i do,” matthew says, wrapping his hand gently around your upperarm. “i thought maybe he’d finally changed for the better after marrying your mom, but i know now that’s far from the truth. and i can try my best to help you from now on, if you’ll let me.”
“thanks,” you say quietly as your eyes meet his. he smiles softly at you before you promptly brush his hand off your arm. “but i still don’t like you.”
your hostility just widens his smile. “i thought you’d say that.”
you turn, walking back to your bed and placing baby foxworth by your pillows. you think about what your family must still be saying about you around the dinner table. your thoughts are halted, however, when a warm, muscular chest is soon pressed against your back.
“i was just wondering,” he says softly against your ear, arm snaking around your waist. “there has to be something about me that you like, right? i mean, you're the one who wanted my face in your cunt. and don't think i haven't heard you call me perfect a few times now.”
“i meant it as an insult,” you breathe as a hand reaches underneath your skirt— fingers beginning to pad delicate circles over your panties.
“was screaming my name while cumming all over my fingers also supposed to be taken as an insult?” he asks, knee against the back of yours until you tumble gently onto your bed— his arms catching you and flipping you on your back to face him. “you must’ve really been trying to offend me.”
matthew shimmies your skirt and panties down your legs and you find yourself assisting to kick it off with your foot onto the floor. he laughs much too smugly as he unzips his slacks and discards them onto the hardwood. you hover your foot over his groin, brow raising in a threat.
“okay, okay,” he admits in defeat. as a grin stretches across your lips, he bites at your thighs hungrily and sighs. “god, i wish i wasn’t your brother.”
“matt!” you screech in horror and he takes the opportunity to sink himself inside you. you gasp at the sudden stretch, a protest turning to a whimper as he smirks at you. “matt...”
“no need to worry, baby,” he coos, tip of his cock reaching your backmost wall. “it’s pretty obvious there’s a divorce on the way. my dad’s already let it slip to me about how he secretly blew all the money in their joint savings on a third yacht.”
“my mom’s been fucking her tennis instructor for two months,” you reply, trying to hold yourself together as matthew increases his pace. “and her golf instructor. and her pilates instructor. and her business lawyer. and her—.”
matthew’s lips meet yours. “you’re so fucking hot.”
you run your hand up his chest, tugging at his shirt until he pulls it off over his head. it’s a shame to admit it, but... he is perfect.
“but if our parents get divorced, we’ll never see each other,” you say with a pout. you shake your head quickly, realizing what you just said. “which i’m totally fine with. but you’d probably be really upset.”
a particularly rough thrust sends you reeling— crying out in pleasure and totally blowing your act. 
“yeah, it’d be really hard for me,” matthew patronizes, mimicking your pout. “g’nna cum for me, pretty girl? hm?”
“fuck,” you whine, nearly at your peak. you honestly had no idea how good at dancing matthew was, but if he was half as good at dancing as he was at fucking, then even goddamn dick van dyke would be proud. your walls flutter around him, a chorus of moans as he pushes you over the edge.
“oh my god,” matthew rasps as you reach your climax, his thrusts growing more desperate and sporadic. “pussy’s so fucking perfect, baby. made me want you so bad, i—.”
he pulls out quickly, a few pumps before painting your cunt with his cum as he moans under his breath. he stares at the sight for a few moments before his head tilts thoughtfully and a smirk upturns a corner of his lips.
“something to share with the class?” you ask, one eyebrow piquing.
he laughs, shrugging at your prodding. “i was just thinking about how i definitely wouldn’t be the golden child anymore if anyone knew about this.”
“i dunno. i think somehow you’d still come out unscathed,” you say, shaking your head. “i must’ve tempted you. coerced you. blackmailed you.”
he smiles at you sadly. “listen, i know that... i know things must suck for you right now and—... i mean it when i say i’m gonna try my best to fix—.”
“matthew!”
you both freeze as the sound of your stepfather’s voice rings from downstairs. matthew clears his throat, calling back, “yeah?”
“come downstairs! aunt bethany wants to talk to you about visiting seoul.”
“okay!” matthew answers. he rolls his eyes. “i hate your aunt bethany.”
“you and me both, kid,” you reply, sitting up on your hands as matthew hurriedly gets dressed. “have fun.”
“come with me,” he requests, picking up your skirt from off the floor and holding it out to you. 
you consider it, but shake your head. “tell me if you hear any good gossip about me. i have to get ready for my shift anyway.”
“really? you’re gonna go strip after this?” matthew asks, lips parted in surprise.
“dance,” you correct. “i’m gonna go dance.”
he smiles. “when do you get back?”
“around one,” you answer, standing up and walking over to your vanity. “why?”
“my flight’s at midnight,” he says, biting his lip. your mascara clatters to the table as a tiny, annoying ball of disappointment forms in your chest. “so i guess i’ll catch you another time.”
you don’t say anything— just continue doing your makeup as you try to ignore that growing ball. 
“okay then,” matthew says finally, opening your door. “bye, (y/n).”
“my mom’s birthday is next month.”
the words slip out of your mouth before you can stop them. you don’t regret it.
“she likes you more than me, so,” you continue with as much nonchalance as you can feign. “she’d probably want to see you.”
matthew catches your eye through your mirror. he just smiles.
~ EPILOGUE ~
you clamber through your bedroom door in the dark, stilettos still on as you stumble into bed and flop onto it in exhaustion. you clap your hands— bedside light turning on as you reach for baby foxworth. you cradle him under your chin, squeezing him tight. suddenly, you remember the tear in his neck from when matthew had ripped him after dinner. 
you feel around for the hole, but are surprised when you find a crinkly, purple sticky note instead. on it, is written: 
told you i’m gonna try to fix everything.  — your favorite brother ;)
“disgusting,” you mutter under your breath, turning your attention back to baby foxworth’s neck hole. except...
there is no hole.
okay, matty, you think with a smile. let’s see what you’ve got.
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newtonsheffield · 2 days
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No but I need to see Anthony getting his brothers to help him carry the sofa into their house and them eventually finding out what they helped carry
Oh my god. Imagine, Anthony was too embarrassed to have it delivered so he hired a van and let the workers load it in for him. He kept it wrapped in the cardboard and plastic and asked Ben to carry it upstairs with him.
“Aha.” Benedict laughed when Anthony asked him, “I am not the manual labor brother. You would be better off asking… Kate honestly, than me.”
Anthony rolled his eyes, “This is a surprise for Kate. It was her idea, and I laughed it off so I could surprise her with one.”
Ben raised his eyebrows, “One what?”
Anthony flushed, “It’s just… an armchair for the bedroom. She ah… likes to read in the sun.”
“You… laughed at your girlfriend wanting an armchair to read in the bedroom?”
“I’m not explaining my relationship to you.” Anthony said quickly, “I’ll buy you dinner, Benny. As many spring rolls and dumplings as you can eat.”
Ben narrowed his eyes, “It better not be heavy.”
Ben grunted under the weight of the chair, fumbling on the steps, “Jesus Anthony! What the fuck is this made of?!”
“It needs to be heavy so it doesn’t move around I assume.”
“Is Kate a particularly vigorous reader?!” Ben snapped as he set it down, “Christ I’ve got sweat in my eyes!”
Anthony rolled his eyes, slapping his brother on the shoulder. “Right, thanks mate. Let’s get dinner and we’ll drop off the van.”
Ben frowned, “Aren’t you going to unwrap it? We can get rid of all the rubbish so you don’t have to put it in the bins.”
Anthony froze, “Ah, no. I’ll do it later. You’ve sweated enough. Can’t ruin that handsome face, right?!”
Ben thought it was odd but he let it go, until months later when Edwina nudged him at the pub. Kate and Anthony sat across from them whispering in each other’s ears.
“Guess what I found out this week.”
“Edwina.” Kate warned, shaking her head as she took a drink, “Don’t be a twat.”
“If I have to know this so does Ben.” She jerked her thumb at Kate and Anthony, “These two have a sex sofa.”
Ben’s mouth dropped open as the pieces fell in to place. “Anthony! I carried your sex sofa?!”
“In my defense,” Anthony said a little unembarrassed, “It was unused then. And they’re very easy to clean.”
“I am-! I want another free dinner!”
“A small price to pay actually.”
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burymeinblack2022 · 2 years
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UA s3: *dropping literally the next day in a matter of hours*
Netflix: you know what everyone needs rn? ANOTHER stranger things trailer
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thesleepypencil · 1 year
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Ryan Reynolds first mistake was announcing himself.
Entered a circus full of clowns In a brand new suit and asking to be pied energy.
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oceanwithouthermoon · 4 months
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oh my god i just. remembered this. sorry. one of the things people do in the saiki k fandom (cough cough specifically tiktok cough cough) is that people call every terusai moment "fanservice.." FANSERVICE..? WHATTTTT ?
as if you guys get to make the choices in what the anime SHOULD be like, and which duos get better moments.. thats so funny oh my GOD.
and im saying the anime specifically because none of these people read the manga.. there was this one pretty fucking viral tiktok i saw a few months ago where this person was talking about this and saying that the anime "tried to set up teruhashi and saiki as a couple" when it "wasnt like that in the manga" and then proceeded to talk about scenes that WERE in the manga and did NOT get changed for the anime.. mf why are you just LYING. AND WHY ARE THE MASSES BELIEVING YOU. THATS CRAZY.
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thief-of-eggs · 27 days
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Anytime I see someone trashing a fic (or a group of fics through generalization) saying it’s “poorly written” or “out of character” or “didn’t end the way it should have” my blood literally begins to boil
Like- do people not understand that fanfiction is being written 100% for free? By people who do it as a hobby. By people who genuinely love the stuff they’re writing about. No media has as much love poured into it as fanfic. No matter how “technically good” it is, no matter how “canon-compliant” it is.
I just hate seeing people discouraging fic writers- whether by accident or on purpose. The miraculous thing about fanfiction is- the source material already exists!! If you do not like the fic you are reading, you are allowed to exit out!
I will fight anyone who speaks badly about anyone’s fics, mark my words. Even if it’s a generalized statement like “fics for this ship always suck” or “this fandom always gets this character wrong” or “the writing for this fandom always sucks”
If it bothers you so much, then go write your own!!! You are the problem, not the folks out there putting their whole hearts into their works!!
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todayisafridaynight · 6 months
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I'd screenshot every profile on here individually tbh but the new IW character lore is soooo juicy
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i'll screenshot em for the team on tumblr cause i woke up sick today
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renders under the cut. if anyone wanna look at em 👁️👁️
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punkeropercyjackson · 4 months
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A J*ytim shipper liked my post comparing myself and my brother to Jason and Tim
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friendrat · 17 days
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The problem with the church today is that so many "Christians" do not actually believe in redemption.
#unironically christian#i say this because of all the people who make comments about people's testimony#like saying they don't believe that only fans girl who was saved and baptized was really saved#like... reading through the comments it becomes clear that the “Christians” don't actually accept her#like... my brother in Christ... your good deeds are as worthy as my used pad#that is straight up in the bible#you are not better than her and you do not deserve redemption more than her#her salvation is between her and God#and yes... you say that time will reveal her fruit and you are correct#but guess what#ananias was called to extend a hand to paul *before* his fruit showed#and he was a frigging serial killer who was out for ananias's blood the week before#you do not get to pick and choose which converts you get to except#you are not God and thank heavens for it because if you were we would all be doomed#*deep breath*#i am just so sick of this... farse... that Christianity has become#Christians need a wake up call#oh! and and when you act like its impossible to accept that she could be saved you belittle God's power#you call into question Jesus's blood and it's ability to cleanse and if that is false your salvation is worthless!#also also you go against the things clearly written in the Bible while wearing the title of Christian#which means you are misrepresenting God's nature and intentions which means you are breaking the command to not take the lord's name in vain#wow... i thought i was done at the deep breath... guess not😅#rat rants
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siilvan · 6 months
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i am once again disappointed but not surprised at the COD fandom only caring about “sensitivity” when it’s convenient for them
#telling people it’s morally wrong to simp for makarov#whilst simping for graves or valeria#or ANY character in this damn series#just shows that you only give a shit about ‘sensitivity’ when it doesn’t inconvenience you#‘but he’s bad :(’ my brother in christ. let’s talk about western militaries#price nikolai and gaz literally kidnapped and tortured an innocent woman and child#the UK and US militaries have DEVASTATED vulnerable countries#y’all wanna talk about sensitivity?? then acknowledge how even the ‘good’ characters like the 141 are shitty!#none of these characters are good people!#i cannot stress this enough. eliminating characters because they’re ‘problematic’ eliminates the entire cast. every single one of them.#MAYBE farah would be safe?? i’m not knowledgeable enough to say for certain. but everyone else— 141. los vaqueros. laswell. alex. nikolai. +#valeria. graves. every last warzone operator. EVERY single character is ‘off-limits’ with that logic.#COD fandom is also horribly racist despite pretending it’s not. notice how people only talk about this when it’s white folks being impacted#no one gave a shit when a middle eastern woman and child were kidnapped and tortured. or when fans were romanticizing cartel violence.#or how the SAS CIA and Delta Force have histories of terrorizing vulnerable people; especially in the middle east and asia#i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again before anyone accuses me of smth false:#sensitivity is important. it can co-exist with letting people enjoy problematic things. the source itself is problematic —#ergo. everything that comes from it (even the ‘good’ things) is as well.#you can’t cherry pick which characters people are allowed to be critical of. you can have your faves and have the ones you dislike#but don’t act like you’re doing something noble when your sensitivity is biased.#sylph.talks
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on today's episode of "hey fuckass did you know that fic authors can see the fucking bookmarks you make for their fics"
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gecemi09 · 5 months
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can't believe there are ppl who don't like lost days wtf. not even the end scene, they just don't like jason's character and motivations in it. i mean, i always thought lost days jason>utrh jason so 🤷‍♀️
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blujayonthewing · 3 months
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hi, is this guy telling me to put the marinade that had the raw meat in it directly on top of the finished dish. and then eat it
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pedro-pascal · 7 months
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we don't talk enough about how evil is airbnb
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dullahandyke · 13 days
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discourse ppl are so lame tho like esp when its about queer people -_- like just let ppl do what they want theyre not hurting anyone
so real!!! like motherfcuker you have the vast expanse of the internet and youre using it for THIS??
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bandzboy · 7 months
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it’s 2023 why are you as a journalist asking kpop bgs if they wanna be the next bee tee ess?? my god
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