#MY POSTS KEEP ESCAPING CONTAINMENT (my mutual circles) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

salamanderinspace · 2 years

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thoughts about privacy

I've been feeling self conscious on social media because there's a bunch of posts going around - I mean, I've seen them each 10 times at least, from mutuals usually, so people who I know are smart and trustworthy people - that are like, "you need to have your feelings in private. You need to have a friend group to talk about private stuff with."

I have many friend groups, with varying levels of emotional intimacy. I am in many group chats and discord servers and reddits and some more IRL communities as well. And I know what to expect from my friends, and what is reasonable to expect. I am sometimes the one who asks the questions. Who responds to answers with support and jokes and context, or just a cute emoji or meme if I'm tired. If I share my own feelings and stories, the reactions are not usually helpful to me. Sometimes there are no reactions. Sometimes people get emotional. Sometimes people are cool and dismissive. Occasionally they are kind. Obviously it varies a lot person to person and in different communities. I know I can trust different people to handle different things. …But it still feels a little like rolling the dice, every time.

I like having a blog to keep it all in one place and to talk to myself and to store my memories. For like two years I've actually had this blog set to unsearchable / undiscoverable, but I made sure to flip that switch recently because I want to do some fandom stuff here. But like. I like talking to me, and I like when a mutual clicks the like button because there is no imperative for me to provide any care-work for that kind of interaction. I say my thoughts. Someone reads them. No aftercare. Usually. Unless there are anons or something, but that's generally only when a post escapes containment.

I'm not capable of being dramatically different in public versus in private. I don't know if I was born that way or if it had something to do with how I grew up without any privacy at all. I can keep secrets, and I have, though sometimes they confuse me, or make me feel really alienated, like I'm in a different world than everyone else. When I was growing up, when I was heavily surveilled, I learned data-flooding as a tactic to divert that attention; my parents would examine my browser history and read my keystrokes, so I would visit 10 "safe" websites for every unsafe one. Be more instead of less. This is actually helpful when confronting a lot of corporate data mining stuff - I remember a few years back, before google or anything, there were anarchist circles for trading sock puppet shoppers' club cards at grocery stores so they couldn't track purchases.

That's all to say I feel pretty safe with this dumb blog because there's so much stuff in it that anyone looking for one kind of thing in particular is going to have to hunt pretty hard for it.

I also don't feel like I'm responsible for someone elses' violence towards me. Like, someone reading personal shit in my blog and then trying to bully me with it is very much their problem, not mine. It reminds me of that spate of posts awhile back that were super condescendingly worded like, "oh sUMMER chiLDREN, you MUST NOT put PERSONAL information in your HEADER because it is not INTERNAT SAFETY." Safety is always used as an excuse for policing. If you want to put your age and pronouns and identities and triggers in your blog header, you're going to connect to as many like minded people as there are shitty ones - that's my experience. It's not necessary to be cagey and distrustful. It's not your fault if you're not.

I am not a brand. I do not have be quiet and small.

It reminds me of that quote from Sense8, "art is love made public."

Obviously privacy is a right and we're going to have to fight for it a lot in the coming times. I just feel like expressing love in public is a right too, that is also being infringed upon a lot.

But anyway. The original point. The original post. I think "process your thoughts in private, emotionally intimate communities and safe spaces" is great advice. It's also like advising someone to have a diverse investment portfolio, or to get into the real estate market. Not everyone has the resources for it. Like saying "you guys, you NEED to have a 401k!"

I'm a lot luckier than most people but there are needs that are not and perhaps cannot be met. Even trained professionals can't keep up with me. Not even close. The first therapist I ever saw told me my problem was that I should go to Weight Watchers. The second hit on me. The third seemed smart but she had her practice in her house with her 14 cats, and I have allergies. The fourth had red flags bigger and brighter than 14 cats. The fifth was a chinese grad student who didn't say a word to me in the session, just took notes. I could go on and on but I don't want to sound judgmental, I'm not. Humans are humans. Humans do not have what I require. Only the void has that.

I suppose this is all to say that I know I write the kind of fics and posts and metas that make people x out of their browsers in disgust and then pace and then go to work and then come home and then reload my shit in an incognito browser and then ruminate and then complain to their friends in discord servers and I don't know how to protect you from those feelings, so I'm going to post about dicks now.

#personal

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neeksnorton · 3 years

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Dirty Little Secret || Abner Krill//Polka-Dot Man

YALL ASKED AND I DELIVERED.

hi there! i recently made a post asking which fanfiction/smut you guys wanted to see, and you guys wanted all of them!! the rest of them should be out in the following week :-)

Number 4 : Dancing in the Club

WORD COUNT: 2.7K Words

WARNING: NSFW content, public sex, mutual pining, taking virginity, light femdom, oral sex (m receiving)

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You and the rest of the Suicide Squad walk into the club in a line formation, you making a conscious effort to stay close to Abner.

Abner. As your eyes adjusted to the low lighting of the club, you started thinking about him, more like how much you wanted him. You never had much conversation with him until you were both picked to be on the Suicide Squad, you had only ever looked at him from afar. You thought he was absolutely stunning.

His black hair and fair skin, the way his posture wasn’t completely perfect, and his beautiful brown eyes. But since you were both picked, you haven’t been able to stop talking to each other. You’ve noticed he only speaks when spoken to, unless it’s you.

He loved talking to you. You think he’s tried to make a few advances towards you, but you weren't 100% sure. So you kept your feelings to yourself out of fear of making him uncomfortable. That was something you KNOW you didn’t want to do. You knew he had a troubled past and you never wanted him to be uncomfy around you. But you wanted him so bad.

Your eyes blink a few times as your eyes fully adjust. Abner’s back is completely in your view, and you become a little dazed. Watching his back muscles move through his black shirt as he walked, having to crane your neck to look up at him.

You snap back to reality as everyone takes their seats around the table. You squeeze between Abner and Peacemaker. You’re shoulder to shoulder between them. Abner isn’t a very big man, but Peacemaker is forcing you against him. You feel Abner’s arm muscles, which were surprisingly bigger than you expected. He looks at you and gives you a nervous chuckle. You swallow hard and imagine yourself on top of him, and you quickly shake the image out of your head. This is NOT the time or place.

Everyone does shots around the table, and Abner starts coughing. Rick tussles his hair, and you almost get jealous. You didn’t want anyone touching him. He was yours. But only to you. Not to him.

As you make your way to the dance floor, you notice that the rest of the crew follow you. You glance over your shoulder, and almost bump into Abner’s chest. He puts his hands up a little out of instinct, maybe to catch you from falling, but you were okay. You didn't realize he was that close behind you.

“Oh. I’m sorry, Y/N.” he says softly.

You look up at him. “It’s okay, it’s my fault. Sorry.”

“Oh. You’re okay, it’s all good then.”

You turn around and nearly giggle to yourself. You HATED that he was making you feel like this. And during a mission? If Colonel Flag found out, he would be beyond furious. He would have Ms. Waller blow your head off. You bite your lip in order to contain your excitement.

The music starts playing, and you get a little lost in it. But you don’t mind. The lights and the music and people are all a perfect distraction from the mission at hand, and it helps you keep your mind off Abner for a while.

Until he grabs your hand while you're dancing.

“Hey, um… I’m sorry if my approach is a little too forward, but um… ah… would you like to dance with me?”

You’re starstruck. You cannot believe this is happening. Never in a million years would you think he would make the first advance towards you. Or that he liked you at all. All the thoughts come flooding back in; you on top of him, kissing his neck while he whined underneath you. Sweet Jesus.

“I’ve been waiting for you to ask me for so long.” You whisper to him.

He gently grabs your hips, in fear of making you recoil. But you move forwards to show him that you’re okay. You turn around so that your back faces his chest. Your head rests right above his neck. You both start swaying to the music that's thumping in your body. You realize that your ass is hovering away from Abner’s lower waist, and your throat tightens up. Trying your best to ignore the throbbing sensation in between your legs, you shut your eyes.

He strengthens his grip on your hips, but only a little. He slowly pulls you against him, your ass touching his already hard cock.

“Oh shit-” you say under your breath.

“Ah, I’m sorry, I should’ve told you before I did that, I-”

“Abner.” You shush him by interrupting him. You have come to the realization that it is now or never.

You spin yourself around and he takes his hands off of you. You stand up on your tiptoes, and he takes that as a signal to lean down. You whisper in his ear “Don't be nervous. I've liked you for so long, I just didn't you what to say."

He moves away and looks down at you. He lets out a small chuckle, then grabs your face gently and kisses you.

Holy shit.

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He leans up and inhales sharply. He scans the club for a bathroom. He takes you by the arm and leads you through the crowd. He opens the door to the bathroom and you quickly shuffle in. He turns around and shuts the door. You are pressed against the door with him hovering above you.

He grabs you by the face with his hands and kisses you. You let a slight moan escape your mouth as your hands go to his chest. All you felt was pure bliss.

You fiddle with the buttons on his shirt, moving slowly to savor the moment. His hands move from your face to your chest. You feel him swallow nervously as he grabs your boobs, circling your nipples through your shirt with his fingers.

You gasp for air. You had initially thought you wanted to go fast with him, but this speed was perfect. Slow and gentle.

He kept kissing you, using a little bit of tongue hesitantly. You finally get all the buttons on his shirt, and pull it off his shoulders. He takes his hands off you to finish removing it, but he doesn't stop kissing you.

You run your hands up and down his newly-exposed torso. He was slightly muscly, but nowhere near the rest of the team. You didn’t care. You thought that his slightly toned body was drool-worthy. He puts his knee in between your legs, causing you to lift your hips slightly as your back still touches the door.

His leg perfectly hits your clit, causing you to gasp and let a moan escape into his mouth. “Ah shit- unhh...”

You roll your hips up and down his leg, desperate for some form of relief. You snake your hands lower to his hips, and you pull him in close.

His bulge presses against your pussy, and he struggles to contain a moan. Your hand moves to his bulge.

“Ohhh shit.. Ahh- mmmnh…” He whimpers as you run your hand up and down his girth. You gasp. He was much bigger than you had anticipated. You bit your bottom lip and felt your core tighten up in excitement.

You could tell he was nervous.

“Abner.” You move your hand from his bulge, and grab his hand from off of your waist. You guide his hand under your dress. His breathing quickens. His hand brushes your thighs and he gently moves your panties to the side.

You gasp in pleasure as he runs his slender fingers through your folds, feeling your wetness. His kissing has moved to your neck, nibbling softly at your skin and leaving a small hickey trail. His fingers find your clit and you cannot contain your excitement.

“Oh my god- ahh” You groan. You move your hand out from under your dress, and you grab the back of his neck and play with his hair as he continues to suck at the skin on your neck.

“Oh man, Y/N, unhh” groans softly. His fingers find your clit, and he rubs small circles into it. Holy shit. You think you honestly might cum just from him playing with you. You never thought he was the type to do this type of stuff, but you have clearly been proven wrong.

He slips a finger into your pussy, slowly curling his fingers slightly to hit your G-spot. You throw your head back and let out a sigh of pleasure.

“Ab, ah shit, Ab, I’m gonna c-” You gasp sharply mid-sentence as your peak finally comes. You release onto his hand and your muscles contract against his finger. He grabs your face gently and kisses you, gently biting your bottom lip as he rides you through your orgasm.

Your knees become wobbly and you struggle to stand as you come down. He helps you to the floor as you breathe heavily. Your back touches the cold tile of the bathroom floor. Abner hovers above you, one leg between yours and the other outside of you.

“Are you okay, Y/N? Did I do it right? I’ve never made anyone… well yknow… cum before. Well I mean I’ve never been given the chance, but-”

Oh shit. He was a virgin. “How?” You say in your head. But that doesn’t matter.

“Abner. Stop.” You exclaim quickly. You don’t want him feeling bad when what he just did to you was pure bliss. And you were craving more.

“It was perfect. Don’t worry, I’ll help you through this.”

“Huh?” He exclaims. It seems he wasn’t too focused on his own pleasure, which shocked you. Normally, men are so focused on themselves that they forget to make the girl cum. You laugh to yourself and he looks at you in confusion.

You grab his hips and roll on top of him. He winces as his exposed back touches the tile. As you get yourself in position on his lap, you lift your dress up and over your head, leaving you dressed only in your underwear and boots.

“Holy fuck! Shit shit oh my god-” Abner says to himself. You were perfect to him. He could not believe he was looking at you, nearly completely naked, straddling him and hovering just above his dick.

Before you pull his pants down, you bend down and give him a long passionate kiss. His hands come up from his sides and grip your hips. Your hands move down his waist as your mouth moves to his neck.

Abner can’t stop letting out whimpers, and he begins to stroke your thighs. Your mouth moves down his torso; past his chest, down his soft tummy, finally reaching his hip bones that were poking out of the top of his pants a bit. You let a loud moan escape your lips, knowing it would drive Abner insane.

You expertly remove his belt from him, and pull his pants and boxers down. He lifts his hips so you can do so easier. His dick springs free, and he is HUGE.

“Holy shit!” You exclaim. You look up at Abner and he gives you a nervous chuckle. As you slowly grab his member, he lets out a small moan.

“Ahh.. Y/N, please don’t stop. Fuck…” You wrap your lips around his head and circle your tongue around the very top of his tip. He keeps letting out the most whimpery moans, and bucking his hips farther into your mouth.

You let a moan escape onto his cock, and you take all of his length into your mouth. His hips roll into you, he’s trying to get as much as he can into your mouth. Abner cannot stop making noises, and as much as you find it insanely attractive, you know that if you two get caught, it's a whole other ball game. You take your mouth off his dick for a moment and he gasps at the sudden loss of stimulation.

Your hand moves to his mouth. Him like this is driving you fucking insane. He is completely at your disposal and all he wants is you. His eyes look at you like he's a pleading puppy.

“Ab, you need to be quieter. Okay, I’m going to get on top, alright?” You say sternly to him. You slowly remove your mouth. Fuck. You’re never usually in control when it comes to sexual situations, but this felt fucking incredible. You felt your pussy ache. You just wanted him in you so badly and you wanted to teach him.

He swallows. “Um… yes ma’am.”

“Good.”

You hover above his dick. You move your panties to the side, and you grab his length and run it through your folds. The both of you let out a simultaneous moan as his tip brushes by your clit. You guide the head of his dick into your center, gasping as the tip disappears into you. Abner lets out a shaky moan as you lower yourself, and you wince and you take all of his girth.

You start moving up and down, letting out a pornographic moan each time his dick hits your G-spot. His hands stay on your hips as you lean down and continue to fuck him.

Abner can’t contain himself. He’s smiling in between letting out guttural groans that are making your clit throb. His hips have matched your pace, and the sound of your flesh hitting his is euphoric. His hands move from your hips to your chest as your boobs move in front of his face. He takes your left breast and puts it in his mouth, licking and nibbling on your nipple while kneading your right breast.

“Unhh- Ab, give me your h-hand, mmnh” You groan. He removes his hand from your chest and puts it in yours as he watches you. Your hand guides him to your heat, and you place his fingers on your clit. He presses and plays with you as you feel your second orgasm approaching.

Abner feels his approach as well. His cock twitches inside of you, and he feels his core tighten. You notice this, and without even thinking, you dirty talk to him.

“Yes, you like that, my pretty boy? I’m sure you do, unhh-” You moan as you bend down to kiss him.

“Yes, yes I do. I’m your pretty boy. Please keep going, please don’t stop, Y/N, plea- ahh-” He moans into your mouth. You feel him reach his peak, and it causes you to cum as well. You throw your head back in pure ecstasy, feeling Abners hips buck into you erratically as he shoots his cum into you. He grips your ass firmly with one hand in an attempt to keep you still. You let out a silent cry as you struggle to keep your moans inside of you.

He slows down, and eventually stops as you both come down from your orgasm. You lean down completely so that you are both chest to chest on the ground. His arms wrap around your back, and one hand rests right above your ass. You feel his chest rise and fall heavily. You slowly pull off of him, earning a sharp gasp from him as it’s slightly overstimulating. With your face buried in his neck, you say to him,

“Holy shit!” you laugh. You feel him laugh against you.

“We can’t let Flag find out, he’s gonna kill us!” Abner exclaims, but in a joking manner. You climb off of him and scramble to find your dress on the floor. Abner pulls his pants up and tries his best to quickly button his shirt and tuck it in. He cannot believe what just happened and is happily overwhelmed.

As you both run for the door, you grab his hand.

“Wait, wait.” You say quietly. “I just need to let you know that I really care about you and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

He looks down at you and smiles. “Honestly, I’ve felt the same way for a while too. I just don’t really know how to talk to people about this stuff.”

“That’s okay. We have plenty of time to work this out later. Let’s just hurry out there to make sure they have found Grieves yet. Because otherwise we are in deep shit.”

You get up on your tiptoes and give him a quick kiss on the cheek. He gives you an awkward but cute smile and opens the door. You both sneak out onto the dance floor, hoping that no one on the team saw what you did. This was a secret that could not escape this club. He was your dirty little secret.

#abner krill x reader #abner krill #smut #fluff #fanfiction #smutty one shot #tss #the suicide squad #suicide squad

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oikirstein · 3 years

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𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧’𝐭 | 𝐡.𝐢𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐳𝐮𝐦𝐢

PAIRING: iwaizumi x fem!reader

SYNOPSIS: All good things must come to an end right? You thought you and Iwaizumi were an exception to the rule, but it turns out you two weren’t anything to begin with.

CONTAINS: Angst

WORD COUNT: 1,517

Shouldn't Couldn't Wouldn’t (Acoustic Version) —NIKI

It was about three in the morning when you heard a knock on your door. Groggy and barely able to ignore the prickling of your heavy eyelids, you throw your warm comforter to your side, exposing your post-encapsulated skin to the harsh cold of your dorm room. Normally, you would’ve tiptoed to the entrance in an effort to not wake your roommate up, but it was winter vacation and she was out of town visiting family. Flat footed steps lead you to the door before you looked through the peep-hole and caught a glimpse of who disrupted your slumber.

With a hot and heavy sigh involuntarily escaping your lips, you slowly unlock the door and open it a crack.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing my wonderful classmate during this fine morning?” you sarcastically smile.

“Hey, Y/N,” he sheepishly waves while looking at his feet.

“Oh shut up and get in,” you say as you step to the side and open your door all the way, locking it behind you after Iwaizumi enters the room.

He sits on the bed opposite to yours, which was previously wrinkle free in your roommate’s absence.

“That time of year again, huh?”

It was an unspoken tradition the two of you had during this special time called the holiday season. After all, Iwa didn’t really have anyone to visit since he was just a pebble in a foreign stream, and you—you didn't have much of a family to go back to.

“Isn’t it kind of sad?” you mimicked his action and took a seat on your, in comparison to the other, rather unkempt bed. Your shoulders slumped as you lay your weight on your hands—ankles crossed as your toes barely grazed the ground.

He chuckled somberly as he lifted his gaze from the floor to search for your eyes.

“Yeah.”

The context between your agreement remained tacit but mutually understood.

“Look at us now. We’re all grown up,” you too, raise your vision to meet his brown eyes which held a certain softness that only you were allowed to see, “Soon we’re going to have to spend Christmas all by ourselves.”

The realization that washed over you was evident from the embarrassing flush of your cheeks. Your impending graduation was right on the horizon.

“Well, at least I will,” the words tasted bittersweet as they left your mouth.

You were content with your relationship. You were content with the casualness between your interactions. You were content without the labels, without the commitment, without the complications of a real relationship. At the very least, you were satisfied. You were happy to have had the pleasure of being by Iwa’s side for the past four years, romantic or not.

“Nah,” he shrugged, “As long as I’m alive, you’ll never be alone.”

The sentiment he spoke was sweet. Honey dripped from his lips in the ignorance of his words and what they did to you. You wanted nothing more than to hold the weight of his words heavily in your heart, but your head prevented you from doing so.

You had these next few months to savor before you two went your separate ways. Of course you always knew it would end like this, after all, to Iwa, college was merely a pitstop in the race of life. He had bigger and better things waiting for him back in Japan. You couldn't hold him here forever.

“You shouldn't say that type of stuff, Hajime,” you lightheartedly joked.

“Why not? Are you not falling for my charm?” he winked, reciprocating your energy right back.

“I think we both know I fell for you charm a long time ago.”

Silence was static in the air as you two stared at each other for what felt like an eternity.

“If that’s true,” the bed creaked as he lifted himself off it, taking broad steps towards your side of the room, crossing the border you weren’t aware you drew, “then why can’t you be with me?”

You playfully punched his arm, “I’m here with you right now aren’t I?”

“Y/N,” he said more serious, “come with me. Let’s go to Japan together.”

There it was. Your heart stopped in your chest and your limbs went stiff as he said the words you were and weren’t hoping he’d say. Elbows locked and shoulders raised, you stared at the empty bed on the other side of the room—the divot from his weight still barely present.

“If you keep talking like that, someone might think I’m your girlfriend or something,” you tried to laugh to ease the tension, but your voice came out strained and shaky instead.

Your heart ached at the situation. You wish you were selfish enough to throw yourself into his arms and hop on the next flight, but—but something was holding you back.

“What’s so bad about that?” he gently placed his index finger under your chin and guided your face to look at his own.

You softly bit your lip and felt your lower lash line get heavier.

“Hajime, baby,” you placed both your hands on his chiseled cheeks, “you know I can’t,” your last words were barely a whisper.

He held your wrists in his rough palms and brought them down to his lap.

“Y/N, what am I to you?” his own voice wavering with every syllable.

“Y-you’re my friend—”

“No I’m not. We both know I’m more than ‘just a friend’,” he cut you off, “You love me, don't you?”

“I do,” you looked away because you know that if you stared into his pleading eyes any longer, you’d break.

“Then why can’t you be with me? What’s holding you back?”

“I don’t know! I don’t know what we are! I don’t know what it is, but I can’t go to Japan with you.”

“If that’s the issue then I won’t go back—”

“No!” this time you cut him off, “I’m not letting you throw away your future for me.”

“There will always be another job, Y/N, but there will never be another you,” the desperation in his voice grew evident as the time went by.

“If you do this, as much as I love you and as much as I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” your voice cracked and you felt the tears dripping down your face every time you blinked, “I will never forgive myself,” you looked back up at him and gave him the ghost of a smile, “Can’t you understand that?”

“But it’s my choice!”

“But it’s my fault.”

“Please,” he sighed, “I need you in my life.”

“That’s what friends are for,” you rubbed his shoulder with your right hand, but he shrugged off the gesture.

He chuckled lowly, “You love to torture me, don’t you?”

You shook your head, “No.”

“We could never be ‘just friends’,” he gave your hands a tender squeeze, “I wouldn’t be able to bear it—having you within my reach, but never having you,” the strength of his grip lessened, leaving your skin longing for his touch.

He was right. It was like holding bread in front of a beggar and consuming it whole when he’s a mere few inches away. It’s devastating.

“Please, Haji, please don’t go,” you reached for his fingers, his hands, anything, but he stood up before you could grab hold of him, which resulted in you falling into the mattress.

“You say that like it’s easy, and then you come up short in every way,” he sounded almost disappointed.

You jumped to your feet and wrapped your arms around his neck, sobbing into his ear.

“Why is it so hard for us to love each other?”

“I don’t know, baby,” he rubbed circles on your back in an attempt to soothe you—because that’s just the type of person Iwaizumi was.

“I love you,” your breath was hot against his skin, your words having a sense of urgency laced with every letter.

“I know,” he placed his large hands on your waist, “that’s why it hurts so bad.”

He too had tears in his eyes.

“Maybe we're meant to be in another lifetime,” he gently pushed you off him, your arms falling limp to your sides as his sentence resonated in your ears, “just not this one.”

Iwaizumi took a step forward and rest his warm hands upon your cold shoulders. He looked into your eyes—apologetic. His lips landed on your forehead, and you wished to every star in the sky that this specific moment would never end. His thumbs grazed your skin back and forth when he pulled away and without another word, walked out of the door.

As soon as you heard the click of the lock, your knees gave out and you found yourself collapsed on the floor, hyperventilating and choking on your tears. Maybe if you had tried a little more, loved a little harder, took a little less, you could be happy. Your mistake was that you hoped to keep your relationship undefined to avoid complications—when that very concept was inevitably the root of all your issues.

reblogs are greatly appreciated :)

#gel scribbles #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu angst #iwaizumi x reader #reader x iwaiizumi #hajime iwaizumi #iwaizumi hajime #iwachan #iwa-chan #iwaizumi angst #fanfiction #haikyuu fanfiction #anime #hajime iwaizumi (27) athletic trainer

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minsyal · 5 years

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Mutual Feelings Pt. 10, [Revali x Reader]

Summary: Read it yourself, lazy

The sun was unbearable. It had been a minute since you last visited Gerudo and the desert was even hotter than you last remembered. The City was cooler, but when you couldn’t bear to be within the City walls knowing you would have to sneak out at night, it was off limits. There was no way you were going to have the guards stopping you as you left only for Urbosa or one of the others to find out what you were doing. They’d think you were insane. To risk your life in the Yiga and monster-infested desert, especially at night, for a mythical flower would be idiotic.

Kara Kara was as lively as you recalled. With tired travelers lining the oasis, horny boys looking to sneak into Gerudo City, and hustlers insisting you purchase their goods it made for quite the atmosphere. Urbosa and Daruk greeted everyone with open arms as you pulled a small container from your satchel and handed it to Mipha. She cocked her head to the side, eyeing the thick liquid quizzically.

“It’s for your skin. It’ll protect against the sand and heat. Plus, you’ll be able to safely travel in the desert if needed without worry of dehydration.”

She nodded, securing it to her side, before turning her attention to the princess who was laying out the game plan. Zelda spoke quietly, wanting the conversation to remain as inconspicuous as the group could possibly be. There was no way to ensure clan members weren’t around and listening.

“I think we should split into two groups. One led by Urbosa, one by Revali.” Revali agreed with the princess, the suggestion inflating his ego. “Urbosa knows the desert better than anyone and Revali can easily navigate the skies if you get lost.”

“Sounds good t’ me!” Daruk pounded his hand on his chest.

“I’ll be traveling with Urbosa and Link… Mipha, would you mind joining us?” Mipha opportunely agreed to her request. “That leaves Revali with Daruk and [Name].”

“A good choice in pairing.” Urbosa noted, a knowing smirk on her face as she eyed you. “We should leave as soon as possible. The desert gets cold at night. I suggest we meet at the Outpost before sunset to report what we find.”

Traveling with Daruk and Revali proved to be difficult. Daruk could easily work his way through the sand but threw up large clouds in his wake. It was just your luck that you happened to be behind him. No matter the direction you stood, you struggled with the bits of dust and dirt that were attracted to your burning tear ducts. Revali flew from above, remaining suspended in the air just out of the sand’s gritty grasp.

Your shoes weren’t crafted for desert travel. They sunk down with each step and pulled a pound of sand up with them. At some point in the day, you became separated from the two. You could see Daruk’s cloud appear and disappear as he rolled through the desert. He stopped a few times near what looked like shrines. They shifted and waved in the excruciating heat. Revali vanished in the sky too, dipping down every now and again as he likely did what Daruk was doing.

You were perfectly fine being alone at this time. You had a different mission, a different undisclosed mission. Sand had not yet permeated the pages of your journal. By the end of the day, you imagined you would be brushing the thing out. You can only imagine how long you’ll be finding the stuff crushed and stuck down in the page’s crevices.

According to the book Sopho gave you, the flower should bloom in or near an oasis. It should be uplifted from the ground, on a plateau for example. This is to provide it with the best possible protection against those who wish to harvest its power. You squinted, brushing the line of sweat that dripped from your brow as you studied the pages. It was almost impossible to read your handwriting in the blinding daylight.

“Studying on the job, eh?” Revali appeared out of nowhere, taking his wing to block the sunlight from your eyes as you pivoted to see him. He wore his typical smirk. “You should be searching for shrines.”

“It’s hard to when your whole team leaves you in the dust,” you rubbed your eye, “literally.”

“I am surprised Urbosa assigned you to join Daruk and I, considering we’re the fastest travelers of the bunch. And you, well,” he put his other arm on his hip, “you’re a bit slow.”

“My bad Hylian’s don’t have a fast travel system. Some of us can’t fly or roll really fast.” The hand at your eyes continued rubbing.

“Stop doing that.” Revali scolded, moving to hold on your arm. “You’ll scratch your eye.” Still seizing your arm, he rustled through his own bag to pull a small canteen of water. “Look up at me, keep your eyes open.”

Doing as he said, you focused your gaze on him as he worked diligently to remove the cap and grasp lightly under your chin. He steadied your head, eyes flickering from yours elsewhere. When the chilled water poured from the cap, you flinched.

“Hold still, or I’ll leave you with sand in your eyes.” He instructed, grip tightening on your chin. “I imagine the walk back would be difficult when you go blind.” His hold lessened as he washed the dust from your eyes, and finally let go when he was pleased with his work. He stood back, moving to return to his former position of sun-blocker. Blinking the remaining water away, you wiped your face and dried your eyes with the loose fabric of your shirt.

“Thanks.”

“My pleasure.”

“Revali?” You started, waiting for an acknowledging hum in response. “What did you want to say a few days ago at the castle?”

His head rose, chin lifting to aim his gaze upward. He took a deep breath as if thinking over the events of that night, before deciding against it and exhaling loudly. “Nothing you need to worry about. Some things go better unsaid.”

“It’s not good to keep secrets.”

“Interesting that you’re the one lecturing me on that. It’s not a secret, just,” he stopped, biting the inside of his mouth, “an observation. Anyway,” he motioned to the vast desert ahead of you. “Shall we?”

Traveling with Revali while he was on foot was strange. He walked slower to match your pace strutting about with his arms behind his back. The majority of his time was spent with closed eyes, not even attempting to locate anything. Maybe he actually enjoyed the heat. Daruk was nowhere to be seen, and likely wouldn’t be rejoining the group. He had told the two of you he may go rogue but be assured he’d find his way back. If not, Revali could find him with ease.

“Why aren’t you searching for shrines?” You asked, folding your book closed before tucking it back into your satchel.

“Why aren’t you?”

“I’m trying, but like I said… it’s kind of hard.”

“You and I both know,” he stopped walking, “we’ve identified all the shrines in this desert.” He continued on toward a rock in the distance. “So why are we all out here today? Simply to waste time? Or mayhaps to appease the princess’s desire for adventure?”

“I’d say the latter.”

“Well, at least we’ll be returning with some information.” He pulled out his own notebook and tossed it in your direction. You scrambled to catch it, becoming annoyed to a chuckle that escaped his lips. “We’ll turn this in and call it a day. The princess can barely comprehend my calligraphy anyway.”

“Is it because it looks like you coated your talons with ink and stomped on the page?” You twisted and turned the pages this way and that, trying to read what on earth he wrote. It looked like chicken scratches. “Is this really the best you can do?”

“No, but it’s the most work I’ll put in on something we’ve already done.”

“Thank Hylia, I’m not receiving letters from you.” You handed it back to him. “I would never figure out what you remotely wanted to say.”

“Like you wouldn’t want letters from me?”

“I’d want legible letters.”

“So, you admit that you would enjoy receiving a letter from me.” He hummed to himself, pleased with his ability to talk circles around you. “I’ll have to drop one in the post when I return to the Village.”

“I don’t,” you defeatedly sighed, “shut up.”

The sun moved slowly through the crystal blue sky, hiding behind clouds every now and again before peeking back out to warm the land. Walking with Revali was becoming unusually relaxing. He spoke every now and again, bringing up the few oases that littered the dry sandy Sahara. You took mental notes of their locations, deciding that the Southern Oasis matched the description of where the flower would bloom. It was only 6 hours until your window of opportunity would open. You wouldn’t miss it.

“I’m calling it a day.” Revali said as he spied Kara Kara in the near distance.

“I don’t feel like we accomplished anything.”

“I could leave you out here if you truly wish to continue this hike.”

The rest of the Champions waited at the Outpost. Gathered outside, they were enjoying a platter of refreshing fruit purchased from a delighted hustler back in Kara Kara. Zelda and Mipha both looked exhausted, lying on their backs next to one another, shielding their eyes from the now-setting sun. Daruk was content, chattering away with Link about how “the food is good, but not nearly as good as what Goron City has.” Urbosa sat quietly, satisfied with the sounds of the palm tree leaves rustling against one another as the nightly breeze set in.

“You two enjoy yourselves?” She asked, the same smug smirk on her lips. “You took quite the walk out there.”

“We gathered what information we could.” Revali handed Zelda his notebook, appeased when she interestedly started ruffling through the pages. “I, for one, would greatly appreciate turning in for the night.”

“I second that!” Mipha laughed, sitting up and resting her arms on the ground to support her. “The desert is so different from the Domain.”

“Well, it’s made of sand, dear.” Revali noted, bringing a hearty laugh from Daruk who slapped Link on the back, prompting him to politely join in.

Zelda, Urbosa, and Mipha all retired to the safety of the City after a small feast was brought out to the Outpost for everyone. Daruk and Link wanted to sleep outside near the door, resting on the large rock that served as a foundation for the Outpost. Revali opted to claim the tower as his, cozying up at the top. That left you with the one bed inside.

“Are you sure you don’t want to join us inside?” Mipha asked, pulling the loose wool blanket closer to her body as she, Zelda, and Urbosa started for Gerudo. “It will be much colder out here. You should join us.” Zelda added.

“I want to go over my notes once more tonight. I’ll be less of a distraction out here. I don’t want my candle-light keeping you awake, especially after today.”

The girls nodded understandingly and left, but not before Urbosa could add her take. “Try not to spend too much time up on the tower, tonight. You’ll catch a cold.”

You pressed your hand to your blazing cheek, your hands cooling the skin to the touch. Why did she always have to make comments like that? She took enjoyment in making you blush.

Quietly, you closed the door to the Outpost, ensuring you hadn’t woken the two sleeping nearby. You watched as your footprints disappeared behind you as the harsh winds filled them with sand. Tugging the strap of the backpack up, you trudged forward. The Southern Oasis wasn’t too far away, maybe an hour’s walk at leisure, thirty minutes at a fast pace.

During the day, no group had reported on any sightings of the Yiga Clan or other dangerous monsters lurking in the desert. Night proved to be no different as you made your way peacefully to the oasis with no threats but the blowing wind and icy winds. It was different, the desert, at night. The moon illuminated each and every shadowy hill that you had to cross. There were no heat-caused waves or illusions of waterholes. There was only sand and sky.

The Oasis was difficult to climb, but you made it up after a few struggling minutes. There were glowing flowers all over the grassy plain. A small trickling stream cut through the middle of the plateau that hot-footed frogs took to with their chirping croaks melding together in the lively area. Crickets hopped from bushes into trees, hiding in the deep green brush.

The plateau was small, small enough to take off the carrying case for the flower and have no worries of losing it. You placed it down at your feet, twisting it into rest supported by the little sand that was up here. Opening it, you began examining each flower. The first had no gold speckling, as did the second, the third, the fourth, and fifth. The sixth was yet another silent princess, and the seventh was no different.

You sighed, having worked up a slight sweat. At this rate, you’d never find it. It had to be here. All signs pointed to this being its location: the oasis, the plateau, hell… even the desert. After an hour of carefully inspecting the flowers, your eye was caught by the slight gold glitter of something in the corner of your eye. It shone and sparkled like a diamond, the moonlight bounced off its petals, reflecting like a thousand mirrors on the palm leaves. There was something almost ethereal about it. The way it gave off light where there was none was magnificent. That had to be it.

Carefully, you scooped your fingers into the dirt, unbothered as it dug beneath your nails. Carrying it slowly, you lowered it into the case and gathered water from the oasis to pour into the bottom compartment. The walk back would feel longer than that out there. You had no more drive now that the mythical flower was in your possession. You felt like you could finally relax. She would be okay.

Your feet hit the ground below the plateau, indenting in the sand. Each step back seemed longer and longer as you slogged back with a considerably heavier pack attached to your back. When the ground rumbled, you shrugged it off as exhaustion finally getting to you. When it rumbled for the second time, you assumed it to be a small earthquake. They weren’t uncommon in Hyrule. A guttural growl alerted you to it being more than a natural occurrence. The large lump that slunk below the sand, causing you to rise as it swam below, confirmed it wasn’t natural.

There were no monsters lurking in the desert, at least there were no monsters you knew of other than lizalfos and the occasional bokoblin that lost its way. A monster than used sand like water was new to you. You watched as it swam away, only to turn in your direction and charge at full speed.

You ran faster than you ever had before. Adrenaline pumped through your veins as your legs threatened to lock beneath you. Your knees ached from the trek you made at day, and your ankles burned to high hell. It felt as if your shoes had been set on fire. Your arms weighed down on you, quickly turning to ten-pound weights that threatened to topple you over. The Outpost was still a mile away. You could vaguely make out the outline of Daruk peeking out from the front corner.

The strap to the case harboring the flower loosened, prompting you to swing it to the front of your body. You hugged it tightly to your chest.

You continued running.

Your knees locked.

You fell.

The monster approached fast, the sound of sand falling like water was the only thing you could hear.

You closed your eyes.

A horrific, excruciating sound of agony howled through the desert. The sound echoed off the mountain walls in the distance, bouncing around in the canyon. The ground shook once more before all was still. Opening your eyes, you pulled the case closer as if to hide behind it. There stood Revali, breathing heavily as he lowered his bow. His back facing you.

“What on earth were you thinking?” He asked calmly, not daring to look in your direction. His voice slowly rose becoming furious. “Are you brain dead? Sneaking out at night like some foolish teenager. Leaving the safety of the Champions. For what?” You could see the rage in his eyes when he finally found the courage to face you. “If nothing, this proves you aren’t meant to travel among us. This type of recklessness will not be tolerated any longer after your last incident. What is so important it means dying?”

You opened your mouth to speak but was met with him cutting you off.

“No, I don’t want you to speak.” He huffed. “You’re an idiot.” He pursed his lips, eyes tearing away from your fallen figure. “Come on.” He began walking back to the Outpost. “Come on or I’ll leave you here for the next thing to kill.”

Silently, you pushed yourself from the ground, not bothering to brush the dust from your clothes. Revali walked ten steps ahead, turning briefly now and again to make sure you were still following. He was fuming. You were tired. The eventful night only accelerated your exhaustion, making every movement feel like the last.

“I’m going to save you.” You reminded her as she beamed brightly at you.

“I know you will!”

“Oh yeah? How are you so confident?”

“Because you’re a Champion. Champion’s don’t let people down.”

The Outpost was quiet, unbothered by the shaking ground or loud sound that settled over the desert. Slinking inside behind Revali, you held your head low.

“Go to bed.” He instructed, folding his arms over his chest after he threw the blanket back. “Did you not hear me? I said,” he stopped.

Water streamed from your eyes, soaking the hem of your shirt as you focused on the still-glowing flower. Tears fell in big drops, leaving slick trails as they raced down your face. Everything came collapsing in as the mental barrier you had set up months ago fell. You promised yourself you wouldn’t cry no matter how difficult things became. The emotions, everything, you felt from the fear to the joy and the sadness that was pooling in your chest finally burst. The dam that contained this calamity of passion was crumbling. It felt good.

“Why are you crying?” Revali said in a hushed, more calming, tone. He crossed the room, taking the case from your quivering hands and placing it gently on the desk. You crashed to the floor, your knees giving out.

“She’s going to be okay.” You got out between sobs.

“She?” He contemplated before it all snapped into place. The puzzle pieces finally matched up. “Keumi.”

“She’s so sick, Revali.” Wiping at your eyes was futile, but you continued to do so. “She’s so sick, and that flower is going to save her. It’s going to cure all her hurt and pain… She can finally just be a kid.”

Without another word, he understood. Hesitantly, he took you in his arms, pulling your shaking figure close as he rested his head atop yours. At some point, you moved to the twin-sized bed in the corner of the room. You relaxed into his chest, finding solace in the sound of his steady heartbeat.

“Why are you always so hard on yourself?” He wondered to himself, his voice coming out at no louder than the squeak of a mouse. He must have assumed you to be asleep. “I care about you, a lot.” A breath of air passed his lips as his heartbeat rose. “Of all people.” He tsked himself. “It had to be you.”

The two of you fell asleep, a calm peaceful sleep with no jittering kicks or unnerved grunts. It was quiet. It was nice.

“Have you seen [Name]?” Urbosa hollered from outside the Outpost to a groggy Daruk who shook his head and looked to Link who did the same. “Revali isn’t up on the tower, and I just worry that something…” She opened the wooden door to find a predictable scene, at least predictable to her. Rays trickled in from the window shades, the subtle glow giving the room enough light for her to make out the silhouettes of yours and Revali’s figures lying in the bed. The soft snores emitting from your direction made her smile.

“Find them?” Daruk rubbed his eye as Link rolled back over.

“No, but I’m sure they’re around here somewhere.”

#revali #botw revali #revali botw #revali x reader #revali imagines #botw #tloz #tloz breath of the wild #breath of the wild fanfic #botw fanfiction #botw fic #loz fanfic #loz fic #revali x you

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jjungkookiex · 4 years

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My review/thoughts on MOTS7!

This album blew me away in terms of the lyrics, sound composition, EVERYTHING in fact so I figured that I would write a little review of it! Listening to every past BTS album brings me acutely to a period of my life when it was first released so I’m curious to see what memories I’ll forever associate with MOTS7

Interlude: Shadow- From the moment the MV was dropped I was speechless by this masterpiece. It sets the tone for this album so incredibly well by setting up the parallels between fighting your shadows and being engulfed by them. This constant battle I feel is central to the album as a whole. The alternation between Yoongi’s whispered beginning of “I wanna be a rapstar” “I wanna be king” to the Agust D esque switch of flow at the end almost seems as though his shadow is talking back to him. It is as though he realises that he cannot escape it but must embrace it to emerge from it. And also his INSANE flow and fluidity of rap is just something else, this song was made for Suga.

Black Swan- This has got to be one of my favourite songs from the album, I was hooked by the dark, almost classical intrumentals paired with the urgency of the vocals and rap. I feel as though this is one of the most introspective songs the boys have ever written, with the analogy of the dancer’s first death working to illustrate how art is all consuming for the creator. The pulsing beat underneath the vocals and rap served as a reminder of how important it is for artists to have something that literally makes their heart beat. It’s rare when songs make you truly analyse not only the lyrics but your relation to them and Black Swan 100% did that for me.

Filter- This had me HOOKED from the first few strings and the smooth Latin beat made me imagine listening to this whist walking through a bustling city at sunset. Jimin’s vocal range and siren like vocals make this song alluring and addictive in a way that no other singer could have done. The lyrics are playful and confident yet simultaneously deep. Jimin realises how attractive his various sides are to millions around the world and he owns that, yet he’s also aware that what people see is mostly akin to a filter, not reality in itself.

My Time- I’m so proud of Jungkook for experimenting and creating different sounds for each of his solo tracks and My Time is no exception. His beautiful airy vocals echo and blend perfectly with the lowkey beat. The lyrics hit hard when you realise that Jungkook’ s time scale of life has been directly opposite to that of his peers. He’s grown up on airplanes while they took the subway and you get a sense of yearning from his voice, a yearning for maybe the childhood and things he missed out on. Yet there’s a sense of assertion, that he owns his time has been different and accepts his fate.

Louder than bombs- I 100% understand why Namjoon cried writing this song. It so perfectly encapsulates the sense of fear and desperation that arises from uncertainty in one’s position in life. Troye did such a great job helping the boys with this song because it sounds sonically like the pair of them together. Even though this song is one of the darker numbers on the album it is offset by the small hints of hope. Namjoon’s mantra that he’s going to “pray for better days” is so striking because often in life that’s all you can do when you’re breaking- hope that things will change and the majority of the time they do, so you need to keep that fire of hope alive in you.

ON- On is a certified bop and its so INTENSE with the drum beats in the beginning. This song is going to be amazing in concerts with its anthemic rhythm and the lyrics “bring the pain on” and “can’t hold me down cos I’m a fighter” are so empowering. I feel this song embraces the pain and hardship with the confidence of the rap and vocals coming together to say- bad things will happen but we’ll emerge stronger and surge ON.

UGH!- Even from the title I could tell that this queen was going to sit with her sisters Ddaeng and Cypher. I’m so incredibly proud of our rapline they SNAPPED, like the flow, the wordplay the artistry?? The gunshots immediately grabbed my attention and the build up the chorus which hits like a gut punch is EVERYTHING. The way they discuss anger is so pertinent, with the rise of social media people unleash their anger on whoever they choose whilst hiding behind a screen on anonymity. Anger, like they say, is necessary but only when it can be used as a motivator for justice. Petty cowardly anger, like that which is directed towards BTS, can only lead to pain and that is what our rapline so masterfully condemns.

Zero O Clock- This is my new healing song, the acoustic guitar and soothing vocals are like a warm hug. The chorus is so uplifting and assuring, just hearing the gentle refrain of “and you’re gonna be happy” is so comforting. This reminds me of curling up on a winter’s day and finding comfort in small things and happy memories regardless of the storm that rages outside. The way that BTS never tell you meaningless words like “don’t be sad”, instead they assure you that sadness will not last forever and that the metaphorical spring will brighten your life once more.

Inner Child- Tae’s solo track radiates innocence and I am so in love with it. The way that he accepts his past and the hard times he went through and instead of allowing himself to dwell on it, he looks to the future. The refrain “we gon change” is going to be so uplifting at concerts. Even though our boys bring us so much joy we have to remember they’ve been through so many trials in the past. It’s comforting to know that I’ve gone through struggles alongside him and we can both move on whilst still recognising that our scars are the reason we are here now and that they prove we are alive and capable of healing.

Friends- One of my favourites from this album hands down. This makes me so inexplicably happy. It reminds of walking home hands intertwined with your best friend after school, late night conversations and inside jokes that make you double over whilst still containing that deep and powerful love you share with your soulmate alone. And isn’t that just vmin encapsulated? I can’t wait to see they perform this live, the Stay! Hey! part makes me so nostalgic and makes me want to reassure them that they’ll always have each other and the cheers of us, their ARMY. The part where they acknowledge their relationship as soulmates made me BAWL, their bond is one of such purity and rarity and I’m honoured to even witness it.

Moon- Another one of my all time favourites from this album. This could be the soundtrack for a slice of life anime and it is so bright and cheery, like Jin himself. His sweet vocals and the beat fits the spring season so well and the lyrics made me so soft. The way he uses the metaphor of him being the moon and circling us, his precious earth made me realise even more how much his man ADORES us. How could anyone sleep on Jin?? He’s songwriting is so pure and his presence gives me such comfort and hope, you’re so much more than just a moon Jin. You’re our one and only moon.

Respect- Namgi you geniuses! The wordplay, playful banter and topic matter are so unique in this song that I knew that it could only be made for the two of them. Respect I feel at the foundation of all relationships, can you ever have a healthy and mutual relationship with anyone or thing if you don’t respect them? With their distinctive rap that blends and flows so well with each other Namgi discuss the concept of respect and what it really means in the modern world when people place a veneer over their actions and words so as to disguise whether or not they truly respect you. As artists all I feel Bangtan want is people to respect them, not idolise them, but respect their artistry and work and sadly in an world where people hold numerous prejudices this is hard. Kudos to them for exploring this topic in a way that is simultaneously light with the satori at the end but still very thought provoking.

We are Bulletproof: The Eternal- I was 100% expecting this song to be a hardcore hip hop track so imagine my surprise to find a song that made its way into my BTS songs I can’t listen to casually because they mean too much to me and will make me bawl in public tracklist. The gorgeously haunting melody, the angelic vocals and intensely emotional rap has me in tears. When they sing “We were only seven” and “But we have you all now” I lost it. The memories I have of BTS who were my second family for the majority of my youth, the times we spent together, the music that was the soundtrack to my life. The way they adore us and find comfort and hope from us... this song really made me believe that I’m going to love them forever and vice versa. It makes me less scared to go on the rollercoaster that is life knowing that I will always have Bangtan beside me.

Outro:Ego- I saw a post that said Namjoon looks up to his Persona, Yoongi’s Shadow looks down on him but Hobi is the only one who is at the same level as, and looks his Ego right in the eye. I feel this song is such a wonderful upbeat positive track that is so Hoseok?? The way that he accepts his fate and looks forward and is confident and happy in the person he is now? This is going to be amazing at all the summer concerts and it just radiates such joy and never fails to make me dance. The perfect ending to an album that chronicles the ups and downs of BTS’s relationship with their career and selves and ultimately ends on such a bright note of hope and happiness.

#MOTS7 review #bts

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