#Only Andrew’s Waifu

[teaveetamer]

“Wah why are you being so cruel to us? 🥺🥺🥺 Just because we’re unironically using rhetoric and dehumanizing language that is similar to that used by real life imperialists and warmongers in order to justify our waifu’s blatant imperialism in the game??? 🥺🥺🥺🥺 You guys are such *insert derogatory/baseless accusation of your choice here*!!! We don’t see you making such comments about *insert character who either didn’t do anything remotely like what they’re claiming or did morally questionable things but apologized and genuinely tried to atone for them in canon here*! Meanies!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭”

Maybe I'm just in a bad mood this evening, but fuuuuuuck it I've been repeatedly misgendered and had my queerness called into question and Elon fucking Musk decided that my innocent ship week twitter account simply needed to see Andrew Tate tweets and the whole damn world is going to be gone in 40 years anyways since humanity can't get its shit together, so can't say I actually give a fuck about whether or not I'm coming off like a bitch rn.

I'm not saying any of these people are fascists who support imperialism, but when you're practically quoting known fascists engaging in imperialism can you really be shocked that people are perceiving you as a fascist who supports imperialism? And considering how prominent literal fascism is becoming in America and how threatening it is to everyone, but especially queer folks (especially especially trans folks) who are being used a centerpiece scapegoat to justify their fascism? Maybe we aren't gonna be that fucking receptive to your opinions about a png right now.

I fucking wish that the only thing I had to worry about is whether or not people on the internet liked the same fictional character as me. So you know what? I'll argue with you about Edelgard von fucking Fire Emblem when there aren't people proudly marching in the streets waving flags with swastikas threatening to gas me and my entire family and all of my friends for the crime of existing. Until then go ahead and fuck off, maybe?

[dash-n-step]

Someone who's kept up with homestuck since the beginning and has seen all the crazy things the comic and Andrew Hussie does, first hand: "No you don't understand, June Egbert ruins the character because she goes against everything John's story leads up to, and she only exists to pander to an audience and blah blah blah"

Me who started reading homestuck in 2020 specifically because of the funny catgirl character, only to see her turn into an awesome euphoric nonbinary griffon who is then promptly used for a joke about how this decision would probably piss off everybody who only cared about their "waifu" or the story going the way they wanted, but the comic doesn't care because it's more fun this way: "Yeah, the main character being trans is, like, the most normal thing about this comic, good for her"

I'm going to tag this as junecourse because i know people probably don't even want to be reminded that people are still somehow arguing about this instead of just, like, letting sleeping dogs lie, but saw some people talking about it on twitter and just thought my perspective was funny

#dashingposts #junecourse #dashingthoughts #it always comes back to davepta because that's who I mainly care about tbh #june discourse

[due4amiracle]

Day 450

Hi i’m sick as fuck that’s why i haven’t posted. It’s exhausting just existing. So i haven’t bothered. Bleh. But i’m here.

Listo:

Laundry/cleaning, Reading, Dailies, #TTRPGThings, Watching.

Laundry/cleaning - Laundry being put away, some garbage thrown away! ✔

Reading things - - 2 Ebooks for me, 1 Audiobook for Sir! ...Yea. 192 for the year, 30 for the month! What a great end to the month. - The Invisible Ring (The Black Jewels #4) by Anne Bishop 6%! Probably my least favorite book in the series. Granted, i love each and every book in the series so much this is just my least favorite of them all. - Ruby Fever (Hidden Legacy #6) by Ilona Andrews 100%! 3🌟 Hey look, another hold! Yay, ending the second trilogy. Will we get the third trilogy? Well, time can only really tell. Here’s hoping! - Belladonna (Belladonna #1) by Adalyn Grace 100%! 4🌟 This was quite good, i enjoyed it a lot. - All of Our Demise (All of Us Villains #2) by Amanda Foody & Christine Lynn Herman 100%! 4🌟 What, a hold that came in? Gasp! The duology! It is over! It was fantastic! Little tendrils at the end that left things vaguely open for a side-story or sommat. But yea. - Queen of the Darkness (The Black Jewels #3) by Anne Bishop 100%! 5🌟 (Reread!)  - Heir to the Shadows (The Black Jewels #2) by Anne Bishop 100%! 5🌟 (Reread!)  - Daughter of the Blood (The Black Jewels #1) by Anne Bishop 100%! 5🌟 (Reread!) Well, i felt the need to reread this series. i was going to only do it one book at a time, intersperse it with other books buuut... Yea that didn’t work very well. heh. - Blood Magic (Kait Silver #2) by Laken Cane 100%! 3🌟 Back to Kait~! - A Venom Dark and Sweet (The Book of Tea #2) by Judy I. Lin 100%! 4🌟Yay a hold that came in! i loved the first book and this one was quite good~ - Broken Moon (Kait Silver #1) by Laken Cane 100%! 3🌟i liked this~ UwU♡ ✔✔✔

Dailies - - Waifu Did mah dailies! Also, level 3/50 BP now~! AND! Tree lvl 40/50! Also! 27/43 max friendship namecards acquired! New MONTH! new weeklies! Gem thingy now level 9/10! ♡ω♡✔ So yea. haven’t really been playing because of my computer and also being sick. So. That’s kinda sad. But. Yea know. It is what it is.

#TTRPGThings - Well, did a Creepy News Post. Still plotting. Still planning. Ya know. ✔

Watching things - - SAO Alicization: Season 2 - Episode 1/12! - Vancouver by Night: Season 1 - Episode 10/19! - New York by Night: Season 1 - Episode 8/8! Well, season 1 is over, we have our cast for the second season (yay some beautiful returning faces!) and... we have a FULL ASS MONTH TO WAIT ahhhh! It’s ok. - 100 Club: Episode 5/??! Behind again. Is ok.

Other things - Daily Diarrhea Diary - Decent. CPAP timer - 6.6 0.6 Last night was the first night i wore it in a few days, i’ve got a wicked URI going on. Yes i’ve tested for the Bad C, i’ve tested negative. It’s allergies that have morphed. i’m currently whispers/soft raspy speech only. This happened back in Spring. Spring and Fall are both my allergy seasons. Skipped shower last weekend, i miss it. Too sick bleh. Gonna happen this weekend. Rescheduled my appointment yesterday for next week. Gonna try to do tomorrow’s early ass ridiculousness, will have Sir’s backup. i tried talking to the nurse on the phone to confirm the appointment tomorrow and they didn’t even hear anything let alone hear enough for a “hello are you there?” whew. Phones don’t pick up whispers very well - unless they’re creepy ghost whispers. i, unfortunately, cannot do creepy ghost whispers. So. Ya know.

Food: A Liquid: A Pain: C Brain: C

Tomorrow: Laundry/cleaning, Reading, Dailies, #TTRPGThings, Watching.

Ever Onwards and Upwards!

#Multiple Sclerosis #ADHD #OCD #Arthritis #Spoonie #Daily #TTRPGThings #CPAP #Ruby Fever (Hidden Legacy 6) by Ilona Andrews #Belladonna (Belladonna 1) by Adalyn Grace #All of Our Demise (All of Us Villains 2) by Amanda Foody & Christine Lynn Herman #Blood Magic (Kait Silver 2) by Laken Cane #The Black Jewels by Anne Bishop #Food: A #Liquid: A #Pain: C #Brain: C #sick #uri #laryngitis #appointment #hip pain #migraine #joints ache #aches and pains #brain fog #exhausted #overwhelmed

[davekat-sucks]

So... Kanaya. I'm going to be blunt, I preferred pre/early Rosemary Kanaya (and Rose). Like, I do think Rosemary is alright, but it seemed like it kind of took over her (and Rose especially) character(s) in the later acts. Also, sometimes she would give off heavy Mary Sue vibes. Also, also, I kind of wish she didn't revive as a rainbow drinker. Also^3, when I was younger, I was disappointed she interrupted the Vriska vs. Gamzee vs Eridan fight. -Blue Team Anon

She really should have stayed dead to let the x3 Murderstuck Showdown combo happen. Even another friend of mine agrees she should have not been revived like that. But I guess Andrew Hussie didn't want to animate another fight scene after the one with Eridan vs Sollux. Along with being busy to make [S]Cascade. Kanaya doesn't do much after Act 6. She just sort of became Rose's lesbian trophy girlfriend. There was some attempt on her part to try and pull Rose away from drinking, but then she just enables her to keep doing it. Because of her interest of bad girls, just like Vriska. It's already annoying enough that in Epilogues, she names her new adopted grub daughter after her ex-crush, Vriska or Vrissy as we know today. Showing she was not over her, despite the point of her moving on to Rose and having the monogamous relationship, is to get over her interest in such toxic behavior. It's also like that in Pesterquest for the bad end, where she does manage to confess her feelings and enter in a redrom relationship with Vriska. However, it was shown to be still be a one-sided thing, as Vriska only uses Kanaya to get back at the other trolls. The only thing Kanaya did much was killing Eridan, punching Vriska, and kicking Gamzee in the balls. She would have killed the clown too, if it weren't for Karkat's intervention and plead. Then through act 6, she just became the useless lesbian until [S] GAME OVER where she does kill Gamzee at fucking last, but she ends up dying. And look where she is now in Homestuck^2? Being cucked by Jade and a Rose leaving her to become Rosebot as she fucks with his brother/father Dirk. She can't catch a break. I'm surprised she hasn't gone yandere on the entire cast, if any people would be able to pluck her flower waifu away. I don't know what goes on in the writers' heads for thinking the RoseJade relationship is still a good polymerous relationship, when Kanaya wasn't aware that they had conceived a child without her knowledge. Why couldn't a troll and human have a child together by mixing DNA through ectobiology? Goodness knows that there's already a rumor that troll-human babies will be the next Homestuck^2 update. It is also true that the writers in What Pumpkin like Aysha, Cindy, and Kate, admit that they hate Rosemary. That's why they are trying their best to pull them away in Epilogues and Homestuck^2. You can also blame them for ruining much of Kanaya's character.

#Kanaya Maryam #Homestuck #Homestuck^2 #Homestuck2 #Homestuck 2 #Homestuck epilogues #Rosemary #RoseJade #Rosebot #Pesterquest #What Pumpkin #WhatPumpkin #Aysha U. Farah #Cindy Rodrigeuz #Kate Mitchell #vrissy maryam lalonde #yiffany lalonde harley #yiffany longstocking lalonde harley #Blue Team Anon

[ruthlessnessisyourdesire-archive]

Anonymous said:

❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥ ❥

Send ❥ For the Mun to write some positivity for a blog of their choice! | Quota Reached

// Anon you’re a damn cheat lol OK I’ll post a few but not all of those hearts. My God. 

@rk800isalive​ > OK you know the love drill for Eme but it’s fully here > Click

@stayhuman-genevieve​ > Same thing with my babes Lea and that love > Click

@coffee-and-guns​ > Feli I love you to death. You are one of my best friends. I’m blessed you commented on that one fic (I can’t remember lol) when you did. Such a long time ago it seems but that’s the moment we were in this. Your writing is wonderful. You make me laugh all the time with our mutual insatiable thirst. And our OTP? Lotixty? They were born from crack originally and damn I cannot imagine NOT having the 60 x Lotus ship. I’m glad to share that with you and even happier to call you a friend for life. 

@diivinerose​ > Curls! We’ve been doing this for so long and I’m just so happy we met across the other side of this fandom. Even happier that we get to do this together. You’re a literal babe. You’ve been there for me during some really rough shit especially now. We can talk about anything and you’re a literal best friend. Your writing is so much better than you give yourself credit for. Same goes for your muse who my muses adore. That good DD60 x Main!D? OTP BABY. Let’s not forget the OTP to top OTP’s with Det!D and Corvus. Finally we get to bring our problematic loves to full swing here. I missed them. I’m so happy to call you a friend for life too babes. I love you too much.

@ninehartx​ > My canon Nines right here! The only Nines of my life! Iron you are simply amazing. That goes for you as a person, friend and your muses. All of them, especially the wonderful boy that is Aiden Barnes, deserves so much recognition. Your writing is wonderful. I love when we plot. I love when we just chat. You’ve done some amazing things for me while I’ve been going through ish but I will never forget it. Chatting with you daily just brightens my life. You’re one of a kind. And Sixden? My OTP boys are absolute love. I adore you. 

@creatorofclay​ > Waifu! WAIFU # 2! Kam, Ash, Clay you’re such a delight. I mean I’m super stoked that we’re finally interacting so much. You are my Kamski. The canon Kamski of my life and 60 secretly (and not so secretly) has a thing for his creator. Then again so does Corvus in that killer human au but you know what I mean. ;) Platonic murder husbands otp? Never thought that dynamic would come about but damn it’s gonna be a blast. Talking to you is always a blast. You’re so chill and down to earth. I love hearing you in VC and damn I still haven’t been able to go live in VC with you there. Hopefully soon. I adore the hell out of you Kam. Your writing is amazing. 

@rxseguided​ > Cupcake! My sweet angel babe! I love you a lot. We’ve only just started really interacting but damn do I love every minute of it. I’m all on that Jesse x Corvus. You have no idea. He’s just so stuck on her in almost every verse but the killer au? Oh man that’s juicy. 60 never expected to gain an adoptive mother but he’s rolling with it. He just loves his angel mom. Every time you pop on I’m just so down to chat. You’re super fun, chill and amazing all around. That writing tho! You’re so good and let me tell you this. Jesse is an amazing original muse and deserves all the damn love in the world. 

@dulcis-pythonissam​ > My baby Hime you are wonderful. I am so happy you followed me when you did. I’m even happier we started chatting. You’re such a sweet person even if you might not see it. Please just have my hugs. You deserve them. Shizu is absolutely adorable and needs more love! All my muses are here to give her that but I’m already hype on this cute Shizu x Nines. Look what you started with that ask. I love to read your threads. I love to read your plotting. Your Kara is wonderful and 60 is totally in love. I love you lots!

@deviant-by-design​ > Already gave my love to my baby Crow and their amazing Connor here > Click

@vexeddetective​​ > Lots of love for Vex my babe already gushed here > Click

@nightofthefall​ > Cherub I will tell you this as I have always. You are a talented writer and you will go far. I remember when you first started talking to me in the other side of this fandom. You were the last good thing to come out of that before I moved away from that mess into here. Your muse deserves more. She’s very well thought and unique. I will always give you writing advice, tell you that your writing is better than you think. Just know you are the sweetest!

@musesdivine​ > I know you’re on a break here right now but Tori you are an absolute doll. When you followed me I saw Alex and immediately fell in love. 60 was just “ha! a new foil!” And Connor? Well, Connor loves Alex with all of his synthetic heart. Conlex is here and is waiting to set sail again. Then came the rest of your muses. I love them all. I love your writing. I love you! You deserve all good things. I’m glad to have met you through this fandom and will always be grateful we made the choice to dm each at the same time. lol It was too good! And you’re too precious ok? 

@amyriadofmuses​ > A literal babe. You were one of the first people to follow this blog and I’m just so blessed to know you. You’re so sweet and just I love when we get the chance to interact. 60 is all in for Vanessa. He fooled around and fell in love. You tackle so many muses in so many different fandoms and I just adore reading all of yours threads. Please give me all of your DBH muses. I want to interact with each one. With all of my muses. Your writing is lovely. You put so much effort into every single muse and you’re a mutual for life. 

@fearlessandchaotic​ > OK let me just say I missed all the plotting and just being chill in chat. Shenanigans are afoot! Shenanigans are being had! I’m so happy we’re back at it. All of my muses just want to pounce and 60? Oh boy 60 is a hyper puppy with his precious fox around. Let me give love to your Chloe as well. I’m so ready ok? It’s been so great getting back to it. Here’s to  more and more my baby Ely! 

@theveryfirst​ > Angel babe who is the Dove to 60′s stone cold heart. I’ve missed you a lot and whenever you manage to pop back up, I just gush. You’re super sweet and were one of the early ones to follow this blog. I’m happy you gave 60 a chance because Sixloe? SIXLOE. I ADORE THEM SO MUCH. She’s so soft and he’s so hard. They just fit so well. All of that good plot we’ve done I’m still ready to do. Whenever you’re ready babes. I love your Chloe so much. Your writing is just beautiful. 

@beeutifulmuses​ > Bee! My precious Bee! I adore you! You’re just so wonderful and such a pleasure to chat with! I’m super happy you dropped on Corvus and I love the added dynamic we’ve plotted with your Forgiveness (tommy) for the demon au. Let me say that you have many a muse that are just so well thought out, canons and oc’s alike. I love reading you on my dash. I love plotting. I am so looking forward to more threads together. You’re just a wonderful writer and I’m so glad to know you! 

@negotiiator​ > Andrew! While we haven’t interacted in a thread lately I just want to give love to this wonderful Connor. Your blog is always so aesthetically pleasing. I love to read you when you pop up on my dash. 60 is just always gritting his teeth and wanting to pounce. He has to suck it up because you’re a pleasure to see. Your writing is just too good. I’m glad you followed when you did. Slap me up in dms again. 60 wants to love on you....with his fist but still. 

@anderson-residence​ > My baby Alley! All the muses. Give me all the muses for all my muses! You’ve been nothing but a doll from the moment you followed me on my Connor blog. That was the first and then you followed me here and beyond. I love seeing all of your plot, ideas and just your enthusiasm for all of your muses. It’s infectious. You have such a great sense of humor and I love you to pieces! 

@idontkillorphans​ > FLO! I love you to death. Sleip is such a mood and a wonderful OC. Whenever you’re on the dash I smile because I know he’s up to something. lol I want to interact more especially with my devil man Corvus. You’re super sweet and just an all around wonderful person. <3 

@jericholeader​ > OK but the Markus queen herself. Always a pleasure to see on the dash. I just adore the way you write Markus. I love your writing. It’s just so good. Becca you’re an angel and I have to toss my muses more at you. 60 is just shaking his head whenever he sees Markus doing good. He hates it but secretly respects him for standing his ground. You’re amazing OK? OK. 

@dpd-detective-in-training​ > 60 is in love with one Isles Turney and I can’t stop him. Seeing you on the dash whenever you are able just makes me smile. I’m super glad you followed me. I adore Isles so much. She deserves way more love. Honestly, she deserves the damn world and no one will tell me otherwise. That’s the truth. 

// OK I lied. I posted more than the hearts you sent lol Give all of these babes some love. Oh and shout outs to > 

@gracioustwin​ > Whenever you come back let me love on you with my muses. You’re such a sweetheart. Hannah is love.

@cyberlifefortune​ > While you just followed me here and on a few of my other blogs, I can already say you are a pleasure. I’ve been reading everything you write on my dash and I’m super excited to start writing with you!

@electricshxxp​ > Just started following but already I’m so hype to interact. 60 is ready for Kamski. Been reading you on my dash and I’m loving it.  I’m super excited to start writing and plotting! 

#ask database #identifying: inferior #//process:anon// #[meme // replies] #[code: long post] #[05/05]

[hypocrisyofandrewdobson]

THOAD, I love you, but you can’t say “be grateful he’s only drawn bearsona as a child once” and NOT post it. You’re still Top-Tier Waifu but you can’t tease me like that

Oh Anon-kun , the teasing is what keeps you interested. :3

But I actually have shared that particular comic before...

https://hypocrisyofandrewdobson.tumblr.com/post/174042273787/when-the-bear-smiles-i-know-its-not-illegal-but

...but for those that want to get the scare out of the way, I present Dobson the Cub.

#ask #anonymous #andrew dobson #tom preston #adobsonartworks #syac #blue bear #waifu

[dukeofriven]

So, you probably don’t care, but your rant about computers all sucking came up as “in my orbit” because I follow a lot of computer science blogs. The people tumblr is most likely to show your anti Computer Scientist rant to, is computer scientists.

Yeah I was pretty cranky when I wrote that. My quest to read everything Andrew Hussie ever wrote dumped me into a 1700 word article of his where he kvetches about Apple and a trip to Macworld in 2006. The first half is maybe the most infantile, exhausting, shitty thing he ever wrote. Worse than the HIC/Hitler thing, worse than Stoner Lou, worse than the racist chicken - it’s just one part boring to one part childish. It wasn’t until I was talking to @rahkshirock​ about it that I realized he was throwing an honest-to-god Karkat tantrum for a thousand words, ripping Apple to shreds in really lazy and strangely hostile ways. (Podcasts. He goes on and on about how horrible the very idea of a podcast is. It’s almost comically petulant.)So I got so sick of his shit and I vented about it to Tumblr then went back to the article. At which point he had, of course, calmed the fuck down and the second half makes some really good and valuable critiques about problems Apple actually had/has - but that first section was so specious and exhausting I just kind of lost it.I’ve been bitter about computers ever since my university days. There are, broadly speaking, two types of CS students: those who graduate knowing nothing about computers save that the devil machines are not to be trusted, and those who graduated knowing everything about computers and who feel that they (the student) should be worshipped because they posses the secret digital mysteries that lesser mortals are not gifted enough to be able to comprehend. (It’s a neurodevelopmental disorder that falls under a diagnostic umbrella called STEM-Up-Their-Ass Syndromes. It kills tens of thousands of promising personalities every year, and there is currently no cure.)The former type tends to live off the grid in shacks on mountains and occasionally posts some fragment of code via phone phreaking that is an incredible thing of beauty and will improve society as a whole, or else they, like Jonathan Gillette, know that computer literacy is the only way civilization can save itself from predatory tech companies and they do their best to teach some crumb of their wisdom to the common people before they go mad from the strain of oracular vision and vanish from the mortal plain. (Jonathan Gillette is the only reason I can get anything to run under wine. Though I retain essentially zero working knowledge of Ruby I feel his spirit forever at my back urging me onwards to at least try so as not to disappoint my pet ham).The other kind of CS student is among the worst specimens of humanity this side of Peter Thiel: they retain a deep sense of resentment because they were oppressed for their religious beliefs (Early-Day Conservative Weeabooism) in high school, think having a natural facility with math places them highly in a caste system of their own fevered imaginings, and are forbidden by their religion from applying deodorant because mortification of the flesh is a way to show their devotion to their church’s martyred founder. (A guy called Kevin Johnson, a COBOL programmer who preached his gospel unto Usenet from his parent’s basement in Plano, Texas and was taken from this world in 1993 when a large Bubblegum Crisis poster fell upon him and pinned him to the ground, where he subsequently drowned in a puddle of Crystal Pepsi - although, according to traditional ‘Cweeaboo’ beliefs, before his mortal body perished his true essence was freed from its sweat-slick shell by the Incorrupt And Perfectly Rational Pneuma of Bertrand Russell and stored in the Russian/Spanish subtitles on a bootleg betamax of the finale to Super Dimensional Fortress Macross. The day this bootleg is rediscovered and played the rivers will run with ramune, the air across America will buzz with the sound of Tanna japonensis, and Anime Will Finally Be Good Again. (A splinter-sect of Cweeaboo, known as Conservadox Weeabooism, believes that it was not an Macross bootleg but a pristine laserdisc of volume 5 of The Irresponsible Captain Tylor, and that on its discovery the rivers will run red with Jolt.))These CS students are almost universally white, cis-male, in need of a remedial course on fundamental hygiene tips, and think Deadpool is straight.If this sounds like a grossly unfair stereotype you are correct and I would normally never stoop to saying something so nonsensical, but in university I had courses in the Computer Science building and I encountered these people every single day. It was really rather incredible from a sociological standpoint: ‘oh my goodness how can you possibly exist as a real legal adult quick point me to the TV show you escaped from and I’ll help you return.’ But, no, there they were in the flesh, with thirty more waiting in the wings - they had some psychic power that told then if you had watched an anime at least once and they would pounce while you waited for class to start in order to interrogate you and ensure you had The Right Beliefs About The Choicest Waifus. They were in constant competition with the economics students for ‘conversation I am most willing to chew my own arm off in order to escape’ and are a good reason why I advocate for Misdemeanor Douchebaggery statues in institutions of higher learning across the continent.The first type of CS student will help you with your tech problems, never shame you for your hardware or the hows and whys of why you own it, will listen to your woes, and survived their CS program without murdering their fellow students - which probably qualifies them for sainthood. They often, but not exclusively, identify as female, tend to have a wicked sense of humour, and can usually debone and serve a sexist male like a Wimbledon Champion in under fifteen seconds.There is also supposedly a third kind of CS student, the so-called ‘ordinary person’ who is said to have graduated without making an ass of themselves at a party, runs the servers at their local insurance company, lives in a suburb, and finds The Big Bang Theory funny. I have never met such a person and have come to believe they are a myth created by car companies as the ideal buyer persona for mid-range sedans.Anyways since university I have approached computers and their advocates with great suspicion and mistrust. The last decade of rising technocratic malevolence has really only proven the correctness of my position: you’d have thought that weebs would have known better than to not only build a soulless android but also allow it to attend Harvard, but the Objectifying Women protocols were so wearingly on-brand that the apocalyptic hubris of the Zuckerborg Project isn’t all that surprising.Anyways, computers suck, and anyone who wants to make you feel inferior for using one kind of computer over another kind of computer is the sort of person who will try and convince you that there’s a meaningful moral distinction between Gatorade and Powerade. Also Andrew Hussie has, or at least had, a bee up his ass about podcasts that made him sound like an iPod-fixated Alex Jones and his rant on the subject is very hard to sit through.This probably didn’t answer your question, if you had a question, but I’m sure it created a lot of questions, which is all you can really expect from me.

#computers #cs students #anime #apple #windows #linux #microsoft #android #google #STEM #weeaboos #weebs #cs #computer science #peter thiel #Andrew Hussie #podcasts #Macross #Ruby #why the lucky stiff #Jonathan Gillette #_why #Deadpool #BBT #Bertrand Russell #Karkat Vantas #macworld #macs #COBOL #ramune

[epen409]

My Top 18 Favorite Movies, TV Shows and/or Cartoons of 2018 (in no particular order) Part Dos

10. She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Ignore the neckbeards who have nothing better to do, so they complain about reboots of cartoons from the quote on quote "golden age of animation, the 80's". She-Ra and the Princesses of Power is a really great show, that yes, is better than the original 80's show. It's able to create a more fun and engaging story, while also having a lot of memorable and likable characters. It also has a theme that I found very interesting, where the villains aren't born evil, they are just misled in the wrong direction and don't truly know wrong from right. It's quite a bold theme for the show. If there is a kind of big flaw, the animation is a little wonky. Some shots and scenes look great, while others are very easy to see where the animation mistakes are. That said, it's still a great show that takes advantage of all of it's fun and interesting characters, and brings them together in a new show that blows its predecessor out of the water. And yes, LGBT fans. It's very, very gay.

11. Spider-Man Into the Spider verse

What a comeback story. Who would have thought that the studio that made the whole world of animation cry last year would end up making the best animated film of the year? But anyways, Spider-Man into the Spiderverse is not only able to live up to all the hype it's been getting for the past year, but it also blew our expectations away. First of all, it looks GORGEOUS. It's able to make a visual style that's not only very beautiful and interesting, but it also happens to create a loving tribute to the original medium of comic books. Second, they put just as much effort in the story as they did with the visuals, which is not only a very fun superhero film, but also manages to be a very engaging emotional story as well, with lots of fun, interesting and memorable characters as well. If there is something to say isn't perfect, I did notice at least one plot hole that left me a bit confused, and they kind of blew the wad for putting in a few too many characters, where, while fun and memorable, don't have that much screen time and don't leave as big of an impression as the main characters. But still, it's one of the year's best movies, so go watch it NOW!

12. Flcl Progressive and Alternative

The first anime I ever saw was FLCL. It was insane, had gorgeous animation, memorable characters and I loved every minute of it. Do its sequel series' live up to the original's legacy. Well, let me put it this way. I very much enjoyed both shows, equally too. I thought they were very fun shows, and their themes, while sometimes a little hit-and-miss, still got their points across, the new characters were very fun and memorable, and the action scenes were also animated very well. With all that said, they still don't hold a candle to the original show. But that's okay, because I imagine it'd be very hard to. I still think that both of these new shows were very good, and although not as great as the original FLCL, was still lots of fun, and somewhat worthy successors to one of the greatest animas of all time. I still recommend both, since they still were good in my opinion.

13. Hilda

Miss Gravity Falls and Over the Garden Wall? Then have I got the show for you. Hilda is a great show from Netflix that manages to capture the spirits of  both those shows, but also having its own identity and voice. One thing I appreciate about the show is that not only can it be calm and laid back in more character and establishing moments, but it also can be equally as exciting and fun for its more adventurous and action scenes. The characters are all very charming. Hilda is a free-spirited and adventurous young girl, but she's not a pushover or overly cheery either. Her friends both regular and supernatural, can sometimes fall into familiar tropes, but also are very fun and enjoyable to watch. (Alfie's my favorite). It's a great show to watch, especially on days you want to cozy up with a cup of hot liquids of some kind, and take it all in. It's a great show, and I highly recommend giving it a watch.

14. Christopher Robin

I missed Winnie the Pooh. Yes, an 18-year old male misses the adventures of a talking teddy bear. Deal with it. But anyways, for a while it seemed that Disney had somewhat given up on the bear with little brains, but they've given him another chance with this new film, but this time, mainly focusing on his human friend, Christopher Robin. One thing this movie gets right is the feeling of Winnie the Pooh. Pooh has never been known for incredibly convoluted stories, just mainly simple tales that it's colorful cast of characters can bounce off of, and this movie nails that feeling down. It's also close to the original cast of characters, since deviating away from their personalities would be considered a form of blasphemy. Also, the performances here are great too. Evan McGregor makes a surprisingly good Christopher Robin, Hayley Atwell is charming as his wife, the girl who played their daughter was pretty good too, and of course, our friends from the 100 Acre Woods are played very well by the new cast, especially the one and only Jim Cummings, the only modern voice for both Pooh and Tigger. Now it does have flaws, like the story is kind of the typical "Dad's too busy for the kids", and although I've grown to like it over time, but sometimes it got a little too dramatic for some scenes, and at time Christopher Robin himself came off a bit as whiny and unlikable in some scenes. With that said, it's very easy to see that the whole film is a big love letter to Winnie the Pooh. No, it's not the best movie of the year, Or anything like that, but if you want a nice, enjoyable and cute movie to watch, then Christopher Robin is the perfect film to watch.

15. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate

I'll break my rule just this once to include a video game here. Super Smash Bros Ultimate was the biggest game from Nintendo this holiday season, and boy did it deliver. The last Smash Bros. game, was lots of fun, with it bringing all of our favorite (popular) video game characters together for a huge brawl. This next one, takes it up to 11. One thing I walkways admired from the games is that it's not the world's most complicated fighter game, while also still being oodles of fun. Only one big flaw: no Waluigi. Nah, just kidding. It's a great game, and a great farewell to the world of Smash from it's director, Masahiro Sakurai.

16. The Dragon Prince

Here's another show that didn't get that much attention on Netflix, The Dragon Prince. Made by the head writer from Avatar: The Last Airbender, and the creator of the Uncharted games, comes a massive fantasy epic focusing on the Battle between humans and fantasy creatures like elves and dragons. One thing I really love about this show is just how complex the characters and their morals are. It's a show that takes a lot of advantage from this theme. It's also filled with lots of fun, yet also very interesting characters. You will probably get attached to them by the end of the show, which may break some hearts too... But yeah, might as well address the elephant in the room, the animation. In fact, I do think that maybe the reason it didn't immediately catch on was because a lot of people were turned off by the animation style. But I still recommend it and ask that you give it a chance, because not only was it lots of fun, and very interesting, but the story and characters help redeem the animation, plus it does improve itself over time. Please, please, please give The Dragon Prince a chance, it's a great show.

17. Ralph Breaks the Internet

Don't worry. It's not another Emoji Movie. Ralph Breaks the Internet is not only a worthy successor to the original film, but it also manages to expand a lot on the heart from the original. This time, instead of arcade games, it plucks our characters into the Internet, and unlike the Emoji Movie, manages to make more clever and creative ideas while being on the Internet. And yeah, maybe the scene when Vanellope visits the Disney website might be Disney patting themselves on the back a little too hard, but it's still a very funny and enjoyable scene that also helps move the plot forward. But one thing the movie was amazing at was expanding on its characters and their development. It even manages to avoid the typical happy ending, which, without spoiling anything, actually makes a change in the characters lives. If there is a flaw, like I said, it's 10 times better than the Emoji Movie, but I will admit, between the cameos from Youtubers and the one scene where Ralph becomes a meme, did kind of make me roll my eyes, but thankfully, unlike the Emoji movie, it doesn't dwell too much on these scenes all that much, and knows when to move the plot forward in the right direction. I still say it's a worthy sequel that's worth your time.

Also, Yesss is my new waifu.

18. Mary Poppins Returns

Here's one of the few live-action Disney films in recent years, I feel are very worthy to the legacy of their original film. Mary Poppins Returns is just a complete and utter joy of a film, not unlike the original classic. The performance of Emily Blunt as the titular nanny is a worthy successor the original by Julie Andrews, and character in general. Lin Manuel-Miranda not only does a great job in continuing the spirit of Dick Van Dyke from the first film, but also in writing a plethora of great songs that are amazingly performed and choreographed by the cast, while also giving tribute to the Sherman Brother's original songs. Even the kids, who I kind expected to get on my nerves, are actually pretty likable and fun, and are given, eh passable performances by their actors and actress. The animation sequence brought a tear to my eye, not only because it was lots of fun, but because I'm just happy to beautiful 2D Disney animation on the big screen again. If there is some flaws, yeah, the story is yet another Dad needs to spend more time with kids plot again, and it does bring some more action/suspenseful moments that I don't feel are completely in spirit to the original film's more laid back tone. But regardless, it's an overall great and very charming new film from Disney, and although I would like them to try doing some more original stuff with their live-action movies, I hope can keep the spirit of both this film,and a lot of the classic live-action Disney movies (like the original Mary Poppins, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Treasure Island, Darby O' Gill, Swiss Family Robinson and some others you guys probably never heard of).

So that's about it. Thank you all for sticking around listening to me talk about all these Movies and TV shows are worth remembering from this year, and there's a lot I'm excited for next year, and I hope that this next year can be an improvement, with more kindness and joy from the world and from people. Yeah, it's wishful thinking, but it's not a bad wish to have. Thank you all for supporting this page for the last year,and I'LL see ya in 2019!

#she ra #spider man into the spider verse #hilda #Super Smash Bros. Ultimate #flcl alternative #flcl 2 #Christopher Robin #The Dragon Prince #ralph breaks the internet #Mary Poppins Returns

[yeonchi]

The case for vaccines and the shadow rule of the minority

Currently, Melbourne is in the midst of a sixth coronavirus lockdown, which was announced at the start of August, less than two weeks after the fifth lockdown at the end of July and originally scheduled for 7 days only to be extended twice (potential extension notwithstanding) with a curfew slapped on the top of it. How’s that “7 days to stop the spread” working for you guys, huh? Look, to be honest, I’m getting sick of these lockdowns and I’m sure many other people are, but lately, people and governments are touting vaccines as a panacea to end lockdowns, much to the point that they are teetering on forcing people to get vaccinated. Personally, I don’t think this approach is as good as other people might see it and I’ll explain why through my understanding.

Development of the coronavirus vaccines have been expedited due to the situation of this pandemic, with the first (mainstream) vaccine, namely the Pfizer vaccine, being approved by the UK, the US and Switzerland in December 2020. While trials have been conducted on such vaccines, they essentially had to be rushed through in a year. Never mind the fact that we have to get two doses instead of one to be “fully” vaccinated, I’m hearing that the efficacy of the existing vaccines are under question, particularly due to variant strains such as the Delta strain (that mutated in India because fuck political correctness) and that we potentially may have to get booster shots (like the flu, get it?) if the virus were to mutate even more. Combined with the potential side effects of these vaccines, I don’t necessarily feel ready to get one at this point in time. Keep in mind that the vaccines were created to deal with a virus that originated in China.

The absurdity of vaccine passports and mandates

There are four stages in Australia’s national reopening strategy and the second stage is expected to be triggered when double vaccination (2 doses) rates reach 70%. Last year, during the second wave, the strategy was to “flatten the curve” and achieve zero daily cases, but this year, it is beginning to prove impossible with the Delta strain. As daily case numbers continue to rise, Victoria and New South Wales have decided to abandon that goal and instead focus on buying time so they can get more people vaccinated. New South Wales has drafted a roadmap out of lockdown that involves more freedoms for those who are double vaccinated, while Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has stated that they are going to “lock out people who are not vaccinated and can be” and are trialling some new rules in regional Victoria. In both states, the enforcement of these new rules will depend on the use of a vaccine passport.

In my opinion, vaccine passports are not a good idea, particularly in some settings due to practicality reasons. If vaccine passports have to be implemented, then they should mostly be implemented in settings where you have to buy tickets, such as sporting events, indoor/outdoor entertainment events/venues and long-distance transportation (airports and train stations etc). In other settings, vaccine passports aren’t so practical; in hospitality settings, if only vaccinated people can eat inside while unvaccinated people can only buy takeaway and wait outside, there is a risk that one could infect the other. Same in shopping centres - the NSW roadmap states that unvaccinated people can only access essential services, so if other stores are only open to the vaccinated, then the two groups could still come into contact. And what about outside gatherings? I think you get where I’m going here.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has stated that any business has every right to deny entry or service to those who are unvaccinated, with bootlicking NPCs around the world seemingly parroting this point as well. Australia’s anti-discrimination laws make it illegal to discriminate against someone based on race, age, gender or disability (health status?), so why are they suddenly creating another discrimination category and justifying it for the sake of public health because there just so happened to not be any laws preventing it? Well you know what? Fuck this noise. Businesses don’t deserve to exercise that right if they aren’t prepared to serve unvaccinated people (with the necessary precautions lol). In a world where businesses, corporations and governments don’t listen to the people they serve or are meant to represent, it’s only natural that people justifiably become “entitled”.

A similar principle applies to businesses mandating that their employees be vaccinated before they can work (the NSW roadmap states that only vaccinated people will be able to work in hospitality or retail). I largely disagree with this; instead, governments should be easing up on coercive tactics like vaccine mandates and passports and instead continue encouraging people to get vaccinated on their own free will, particularly with people who work in industries requiring them to come in contact with other people (including tourism and healthcare) as they are responsible for their lives as well as their own.

There is one big thing that is missing from all of this; how long can we expect these restrictions and vaccine mandates to continue? At what point can we say that vaccine passports aren’t needed anymore because everyone has been vaccinated or we actually managed to flatten the curve somehow? Let’s not forget that the vaccines are in high demand, with long lines at major vaccination hubs, and that getting vaccinated won’t stop you from getting or spreading the virus (aside from lessening the symptoms if you were to catch it, but your mileage may vary). And what about those who are just waiting to get their vaccination (first or second)? People can say that this isn’t about control, but for public health, but I just think the government is using public health as a justification to exercise more controls on people, which to some, is just a milder way of saying that this isn’t about health, but power and control.

Holy shit, when I write sadposts on the Waifu Network I didn’t expect them to become more relevant as time went on. “Our civil liberties are curbed in times of crisis.” “We are never truly free.” “The current political climate is enabling people to become pettier and pettier and it doesn’t seem like anyone is willing to take a stand against it.” “It’s so ironic when the right people support the wrong things and the wrong people support the right things.” “Some people and businesses unironically exercise rights they don’t deserve to have.” The cope is real, ladies and gentlemen. But hey, I should have expected this when my ramblings and musings are based on politics and current affairs.

Vaccine supremacy and the dictatorship of the minority

What is probably the funniest and most ironic thing about this is that the topic of vaccine mandates is causing yet another divide in society and leading to a dictatorship of the minority. To give you an example, we have to go back to April 2021 Hong Kong, a place where the government’s laws have been oppressing people before vaccine mandates were a thing. The government decided to relax restrictions under a “vaccine bubble” program for restaurants that would see them split into four tiers based on whether the staff and/or customers are vaccinated and using the LeaveHomeSafe app, which has raised concerns with Hongkongers given recent events. The four tiers are as follows:

Tier A restaurants, who do not require their staff and customers to be vaccinated, can only have two people per table at 50% capacity and they can serve dine-in customers up to 6 PM, with a maximum of 20 people for banquets.

Tier B restaurants, who do not require their staff and customers to be vaccinated, but are following contact tracing guidelines by using LeaveHomeSafe or having customers leave their details on paper, can have 4 people per table at 50% capacity and they can serve dine-in customers up to 10 PM provided that staff get tested every 14 days (changed to 7 days from August 2021) or vaccinated.

This is where it starts to get crazy. Tier A and Tier B were in place before the “vaccine bubble” program, with the next two tiers being introduced as a part of it.

Tier C restaurants, who require their staff to have had their first vaccine dose, can have six people per table at 50% capacity (later changed to 75% capacity) and they can serve dine-in customers up to 12 AM. However, customers must check in with LeaveHomeSafe and restaurants must have a defined “clean zone” (like a fucking hospital, I assume the rest of the restaurant is just the “dirty zone” then?) for dine-in customers and vaccinated staff.

Tier D restaurants, who require their staff to have had 14 days pass after their second vaccine dose and their customers to have had their first vaccine dose, can have 8 people per table at 75% capacity (later changed to 12 people at full capacity as long as at least two-thirds of the table, so 8 people, have had their first vaccine dose) and they can serve dine-in customers up to 2 AM. They can also serve a maximum of 100 people for banquets (later changed to 180 people as long as at least two-thirds blah blah blah, so 120 people). Tier D restaurants must also have customers check in with LeaveHomeSafe and have a defined “clean zone”, same as with Tier C.

God, these rules are so complicated they make me want to kill myself. Anyway, where does the dictatorship of the minority come in?

Pro-government and pro-Beijing businesses are likely to embrace vaccines, so they are more likely to become Tier C or D restaurants. Pro-democracy businesses are more wary of vaccines (particularly Sinovac) and LeaveHomeSafe, so they are more likely to become Tier A or B restaurants (because they can get away with signing in on paper and maybe getting tested). The likewise applies for customers - pro-government customers are more likely to get vaccinated while pro-democracy customers are more likely to hold out on doing so.

Unvaccinated customers can only go to Tier A or B restaurants while vaccinated customers can also go to Tier C or D restaurants. When there is a significant proportion of unvaccinated customers, it is more than likely that there will be at least one “stubborn anti-vaxxer” in a group of (mostly) vaccinated customers, meaning that all the vaccinated customers have to eat at Tier A or B restaurants because of that guy.

Eventually, what ends up happening is that Tier C or D restaurants will find themselves unable to serve a diverse base of customers (not that they could already keep milking pro-government boomers who probably only give a fuck about the rules being enforced because they hate pro-democracy millennials and the rules don’t affect them, note that zoomers in Hong Kong are more than likely to be pro-Beijing) and as a result, struggling to choose between serving the unvaccinated or having a few more people on their tables and serving dine-in customers for a few hours longer. In the end, they have to pander to the unvaccinated and become a Tier A or B restaurant. It’s kind of like having to pander to Jews and Muslims because they can only eat Kosher or halal food or people with allergies (not that they could do their own thing already).

There are a couple of people I would like to credit for this section. The first one I would like to thank is Janelle Leung for creating the infographics that inspired this section. She was a pro-democracy member of the Kwun Tong District Council who was jailed for four months as a result of attending the “unauthorised” 4 June commemoration event (which is usually held yearly in Hong Kong but was not approved due to coronavirus restrictions being “conveniently” extended) last year and was disqualified from the District Council as a result. Our thoughts and prayers go to her as with other pro-democracy politicians in Hong Kong (most of whom have resigned from their positions due to the passing of stricter laws). The second person I would like to thank is Nassim Nicholas Taleb who wrote the chapter that inspired the infographics, The Most Intolerant Wins: The Dictatorship of the Small Minority in his book Skin in the Game: Hidden Asymmetries in Daily Life. You can read the chapter online on Medium.

Sadly, however, recent events have lead to all this not ageing well. As the Delta variant continues to spread and more people get vaccinated, the vaccinated have gone from the minority to the majority while the opposite applies for the unvaccinated, leading to more support for vaccine mandates. This isn’t a “pandemic of the unvaccinated”, it’s a “dictatorship of the vaccinated”. At this rate, the “dictatorship of the minority” is going backwards with no recourse for the unvaccinated. Freedom with caveats is NOT true freedom. Either everyone is locked down or no one should be.

This isn’t an issue of left vs. right, liberal vs. conservative or even Labor vs. Liberal, particularly because the premiers for Victoria and New South Wales, namely Daniel Andrews or Gladys Berejiklian, are from the Labor and Liberal parties respectively. If this doesn’t convince you that the main parties in a two-party system are just as bad as each other, then I don’t know what will.

My view on the debacle

Now look, I am by no means an anti-vaxxer and you’re retarded if you assume that I am, particularly if you’ve read everything up to this point. I can foresee myself getting vaccinated eventually, whether it be of my own volition or pressure from my family or work (ironically, I don’t have enough power to decide my own destiny). However, if I can, I want to hold out until I at least know how long the vaccines will last, whether the vaccines will be effective against newer variants of the virus and whether I will end up needing to get booster shots. Heck, I feel like making this into a social experiment to see how long I can get away without getting the vaccine. If I get vaccinated, then I’ll probably look like a hypocrite for saying all this, so I would just like to reiterate that I am pro-choice and anti-vaccine mandates.

“HahA YoU’re aFRaId OF GETtiNG VaCcInaTeD LOL” If it were that simple, then there’d be no point in me writing this post. Everything I’ve said in this would be the same even if I weren’t afraid of getting vaccinated. Speaking of which, how’s things going with that needle-free vaccine I’ve heard so much about? I’m surprised they still haven’t finished studies on it, but if they have, I’m surprised it isn’t mainstream by now.

“buT yoU HAD TO get VAccIneS AT ScHoOL“ Yes, I did, but keep in mind that the coronavirus was discovered right at the start of 2020 while other vaccines have been studied for at least five years. Sure, they gave you permission slips for your parents to fill in, but it’s not like you had any choice in the matter. “They came for kids like me, but I could not speak out because I was under 18 and my parents were legally the ones who could decide my fate.” I remember that one year where I had to get three vaccines for HPV. Good times.

If you want to get vaccinated, then get vaccinated. I’m not going to stop you and you shouldn’t let anyone else stop you either. But at the very least, have some respect for those who don’t wish to get vaccinated because they are human too and they have the same rights as the rest of us, and if they work in an industry like tourism or healthcare, calmly convince them why they should take responsibility for the health of others as well as themselves instead of forcing them to do something they don’t want to. I know that’s what adult life is all about these days, but people need to remember that others have the right to choose and that not everyone sees things the same way they do. I would say that it is possible to find a balance between liberty and safety, but people need to learn to live with the virus (in a controlled manner) and they should not have to sacrifice personal liberties for the sake of public safety. It’s absolutely weird how people are happy to throw other people’s rights out the window when it comes to vaccine mandates. Anyone who supports them is just as selfish as the anti-vaxxers or anti-lockdown protesters they happily scorn.

Once again, getting vaccinated won’t stop you from getting or spreading the virus, so it is still important for everyone to wear masks and practice social distancing when going out. Masks are a better example to compare seatbelts to over vaccines, even though people are saying that they aren’t enough to keep people safe. Let’s calm the hysteria down and show respect for our fellow human beings, because while we aren’t exactly China, North Korea or Afghanistan per se, we sure are sliding down the slippery slope to dictatorship.

[recentanimenews]

Anime Awards 2021: Meet the Judges & Categories Revealed!

As the insanity that has been 2020 comes to a close, we begin to look towards the future, and to the awards show that captures the best of the year in the world of anime: the Anime Awards! Today, we’ll be formally introducing you to our incredible class of judges from around the world who helped curate and craft the nominees we’ll soon be revealing. But first — we would like to introduce you to the categories for this year’s event!

    Anime of the Year <!--td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;}--> Best Animation <!--td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;}--> Best Opening Sequence (OP) <!--td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;}--> Best Ending Sequence (ED) <!--td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;}--> Best Boy <!--td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;}--> Best Girl Best Score <!--td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;}--> Best Performance by a Voice Actor (Japanese) <!--td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;}--> Best Performance by a Voice Actor (English) <!--td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;}--> Best Director <!--td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;}--> Best Character Design <!--td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;}--> Best Protagonist <!--td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;}--> Best Antagonist <!--td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;}--> Best Fight Scene <!--td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;}--> Best Couple <!--td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;}--> Best Drama <!--td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;}--> Best Fantasy <!--td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;}--> Best Comedy

  If these categories look familiar, that’s for good reason; they’re the same ones we used last year. After carefully considering voting behavior, audience feedback, social media engagement, and insights from industry leaders, we were happy to find a collection of categories that satisfied the most needs for the most people, and allowed the greatest number of anime to be celebrated with the world. The nominees themselves are one of the most exciting parts of the Anime Awards, and in just one short month, the six nominees per category will be shared with the world on the Anime Awards Website. Please keep an eye out for more details, and fun ways to share your votes and predictions with your fellow fans.

    Last year, we added more judges than ever before — that is, until now! As both the audience of Crunchyroll and the Anime Awards becomes increasingly international, so too has the panel of judges. With more than fifty judges representing dozens of unique countries and cultures around the world from all walks of life, I can safely say that this year’s class of judges is the best the Anime Awards has ever had.

  The judges for the Anime Awards play a critical role, determining the nominees for every category in an independent capacity, based entirely on their own critical perspectives and opinions of the anime released in the last year. Judges were hand-selected by Crunchyroll’s community team based on their reputation, regard, and credibility, and represent large swaths of the huge diversity that can be found in the anime fandom at large.

  Just as with last year, the judge nomination process will also go towards the final winners of each Anime Award, weighed 70:30 with fan votes. Based on the last four years of Anime Awards, we found that this ratio achieved the most meaningful results: the fan vote was impactful and flipped several categories, but the awards were not simply a popularity contest and many underrated titles were still able to take home awards. We saw more positivity than ever before with last year’s changes, and so we're happy to keep this same ratio for this year's event.

  As a note the bios you’ll see below were written by the judges in their language of choice and have been adopted for your pleasure in whichever language you’re reading right now. Beyond translation, they have only been altered by the Crunchyroll team for clarity. Without further delay, please meet our judges for the 2021 Anime Awards!

  Meet the Judges!

  Ajay Stewart     Ajay, better known online as “AnimeAjay”, is a British anime fan, specialising in all things related to animation. His YouTube and Twitter presence are focused on the behind-the-scenes at Toei Animation, and has become the go-to source for fans looking to know the ins and outs of animation, and who was responsible for their favourite scenes.

Alfonso "Fonzy" Ortiz     Alfonso "Fonzy" Ortiz is the Senior Manager for qdopp Inc. and Editor-in-Chief for Honey's Anime. Originally from Texas, he was a cook for 13 years, lived in LA and Tokyo where he found his dream job working in the anime and gaming industry, and has just under a decade of experience as well. Honey’s Anime is his passion and loves helping to bring as much great content to readers about the anime, manga, and gaming industry. It’s the best place for anime enthusiasts as we are all fans!

Andrew McDanell     After consuming anime for over 25 years, Andrew started up the Otaku Spirit Animecast podcast with his brother, Chris.  Connecting with fans from many countries across the world, their goal has always been to break from the mold and serve a community with a positive and entertaining view of the fandom they love so much.  With over 1300 anime titles under his belt and passing 900 anime reviews recorded, Andrew has enjoyed giving every show a chance and never falls onto the 3 episode rule.

Antonio Escudero     Antionio Escudero has been a fan of anime, manga, and video games for over 30 years and considers it his lifestyle. He's currently part of the editorial team of Misión Tokyo, where he writes to promote both his passion for and the legal consumption of Japanese culture.

Bruno De La Cruz     Journalist for AnimeLand magazine and the French anime/manga press since 2014.

Burak Dogan     Burak Dogan is an editor and press contact at the German anime news website Anime2You. Besides covering News and reviewing countless anime and manga releases on the German market, he can also be met at various conventions. Since 2011, he has watched over 1,000 individual shows.

bxakid (Julien)     Julien, or bxakid is a french content creator and journalist for Webedia. Anime enthusiast forever, one waifu at a time. Caitlin Enger    Caitlin Moore has been an anime fan since it cost $30 for a two-episode VHS tape. She has been writing about anime every chance she’s gotten since high school, and now is a staff writer for Anime Feminist and contributes regularly to Anime News Network as well as running panels at conventions and podcasting every chance she gets. She analyzes anime through a progressive, intersectional lens and has a deep love of shojo and josei manga and anime.

Caroline Segarra     Working as an animator, journalist, streamer, and voice-over artist, Caroline's specialties include Japan, anime, manga, and Japanese music. Caroline is also founder of the audiovisual production company Fantastic Raccoon, is currently on LeStream, and has worked at Nolife, Japan FM, Japan LifeStyle.

Clarissa Graffeo     Clarissa Graffeo is one-third of the Anime World Order podcast and occasional contributing writer for Otaku USA magazine. As a fan of anime and manga for over 20 years that makes her practically ancient by anime fan and Hollywood standards, and she should probably have more to show for it. Clarissa has run numerous panels at East coast conventions both alone and with her fellow AWO hosts, on a variety of topics such as BL, Black Jack, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, anime openings, and building plastic model kits. In both the podcast and convention panels, she attempts to balance detailed discussions of individual works and the industry with accessibility to new viewers, and is hopefully successful at least some of the time.

Daryl Surat     Having just turned 40, Daryl Surat is a revenant otaku bound in human flesh and er, NOT inked in blood. Having spent the majority of over 25 years as an anime fan existing in near isolation, trapped in the MMO that is social media, the 2020 quarantine hasn’t really been noticeable! As a contributor to Otaku USA Magazine (https://ift.tt/187UJdS) as well as the Anime World Order podcast (www.animeworldorder.com), Daryl is A HUNDRED PERCENT SURE all of the deserving nominations were proposed by him.

Михаил Судаков     Creator of the KG-Portal.ru website, anime lover with 20 years of experience, admirer of Makoto Shinkai, Hayao Miyazaki and P.A. Works. Big fan and collector of retro games, retro computers and retro consoles. Dawn H    Dawn (aka "Usamimi") is the producer/host of The Anime Nostalgia Podcast, a mix of waxing nostalgic with fellow older fans while introducing younger fans to older titles! The podcast also serves as an oral history from before things like streaming & social media were commonplace, and how anime & manga fandom has always been diverse. She's used her knowledge to write for outlets like Anime News Network and Crunchyroll, & has helped on multiple anime releases from AnimEigo & Discotek Media.

Dennis Vsesvyatskyi     CEO of 2x2 tv-channel, home of adult animation in Russia. 2x2 is broadcasting international animation and anime-hits since 2007 and has it's own animation studio. Brand 2x2 has a significant cultural status among russian viewers and fans of animation and is expanding it's influence every year with new shows, art-statements and collaborations. Our motto is: "Don't grow up, it's a trap!".

Diego Lima     IGN Brazil reporter, writing about the entertainment industry since 2014. Started career as a host for Gazeta Games, on Radio Gazeta, and then as the host of a gaming radio show at Band FM, discussing classic titles. Joined IGN Brazil in 2017, as a gaming and anime specialist. When Diego is not writing about horror games and fighting games, he's writing about Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba, Naruto, BORUTO: NARUTO NEXT GENERATIONS, Attack on Titan, Yashahime and many other series.

Eunice Ibama     Eunice Ibama started @blackgirlsanime as a simple meme page in 2017 as an escape during one of the hardest times of her life—without many hopes attached to it. As an outlet for her own struggles, she began to grow a community. Then, as BGA grew, the hope to create a safe space for black women that love anime and its culture blossomed. Cue the adding on the fearsome foursome of Shanequa, Bri, Kim, and Chels and it was like the stars aligned for the brand. Emboldened by their unshakeable bond with each other and the passion that brought them together in the first place, the team buckled down and got to work making Black Girls Anime, LLC the best brand that it could be. Now equipped with an editorial website, ongoing partnerships with brands like Netflix and VIZ Media, and much more in the works the page has rapidly grown into a network that influences and advocates for not only black women, but people of color of all ages and backgrounds that feel underrepresented in the anime and nerd-centric communities.

Evgeniya "Jenya" Davidyuk     Jenya Davidyuk was born and raised in Novosibirsk, Russia, where she also graduated State University. Since 2005 she has been living and working in Tokyo, Japan as a seiyuu (voice actor), hosting radio and TV programs, and consulting on Russian language in anime and film production. As a part of her seiyuu career, she sings with Anime & Game Symphony project under Japanese conductor Kenichi Shimura, performing live concerts in Japan and Russia. Jenya has an N1 level certificate on the Japanese language proficiency test.

Geoff Thew     "Geoff Thew is a veteran video essayist who's spent the last 5 years talking about anime on his youtube channel, Mother's Basement. When he's not obsessively analyzing the little details in anime, from easter eggs in openings to fight scene choreography, he likes to help those who can't watch anime full time find better shows to fill the time they do have. Geoff and his partner Yazy live in beautiful BC, Canada, under the tyrannical rule of their three cats, Kuro, Junkrat, and Spaghetti.

Gerald Rathkolb     With a history of anime going back over 30 years, Gerald has has a connection to anime longer than most have been alive. Having started as part of the Robotech generation Gerald quickly outgrew that and is currently part of the Anime World Order podcast, the longest running anime-only podcast out there. A frequent writer for Otaku USA and contributor for Anime News Network, Gerald will continue to butt in where he's not welcome for the foreseeable future.

Hannah Collins     Based in the UK, Hannah is the Anime/Manga Feature Lead for CBR. As well as CBR, she has written about anime and manga for sites including The Mary Sue, Anime Feminist, Ranker, and WatchMojo, after getting her start in the blogging world with angry feminist rants and silly listicles about The Twilight Saga. A child of the ‘90s, Neon Genesis Evangelion and Cardcaptor Sakura are her all-time anime and manga faves; more recently, she’s become obsessed with Spy x Family, Chainsaw Man, and Dr. Stone.

Jacob Parker Dalton     Jacob Parker-Dalton is an otaku journalist and writer for OTAQUEST. He has been watching anime and reading manga for the better part of 10 years, stemming from a childhood infatuation with Studio Ghibli. All he wants is for someone to adapt the rest of Medaka Box, the greatest manga of all time. His style icons are both Naoki Urasawa and Bob Dylan in equal measure. James Perkins    James Perkins is the Lead Anime Writer for the UK-based publication STARBURST MAGAZINE. A fan of this breathtaking art form for almost 25 years, he lives and breathes all things Anime. This is his first time as a judge for The Anime Awards and can't wait to celebrate this year's contenders.

Jazmine Moore     Jazmine Moore—known on TikTok as kiri.jaz—describes herself as a young Black woman who enjoys watching anime and creating anime/cosplay related content. She's also an artist who hopes to inspire others to believe that no matter who you are, you can love anime and enjoy the world that we created as a family.

Julio Velez     Julio Velez is a journalist and critic who has specialized in anime, manga, and Japanese pop culture for more than 15 years. He is also a promoter and enthusiast of Japanese culture and dubbing in Latin America and works as Editor-in-Chief at Otaku-Shi in Mexico's Cine PREMIERE magazine.

Kaho Shibuya     Kaho Shibuya is a Japanese talent, author, cosplayer and anison DJ in Tokyo. She has been passionate about manga and anime for her entire life as a 90s girl, who also started streaming as a Twitch partner in May 2020. Kambole Campbell    Kambole Campbell is a freelance critic based in London in the UK, writing and speaking on animation as well as other film and TV for the likes of Empire, Thrillist, Polygon, All The Anime, Sight & Sound, Little White Lies, the BBC, and others.

Kate Sanchez     Kate Sánchez is the co-founder and EIC of But Why Tho? A Geek Community, a website dedicated to uplifting marginalized voices in pop culture. She is also a Rotten Tomatoes Certified Critic and member of the Austin Film Critics Association. In addition to writing, Kate is also a host on But Why Tho? the podcast, where she and her co-hosts discuss pop culture, and a host on Did You Have To?, a podcast dedicated uplifting brown and Black women in anime.

  Miki Koch Miki is the host and editor at Sumikai's Rolling Sushi podcast. She love calm and wholesome anime and like to consume anime-centric YouTube videos.   

Krystal Shanelle     Krystal is a 25-year-old content creator pushing the One Piece agenda. An anime fan since elementary school—with both the first and favorite series being Naruto—Krystal is most proud of cosplaying as Sakura from Naruto and Raven from Teen Titans. Krystal is currently studying animation and visual effects in Los Angeles with the dream of working on live-action anime, and is excited to be a judge for the Crunchyroll Awards!

Kwok-Wai Hanson     Kwok-Wai Hanson is a Writer/Host/Consultant within the anime industry. Since 2013, he has been creating content focused on data aggregation and community polls amongst seasonal anime series. Through his content creation, he has worked closely with various publishers from Japan and abroad within the industry. Currently, Kwok is the head of social at Mangamo, a manga subscription platform. He is also a host seen at Anime Expo and Crunchyroll Expo, including this year's Virtual Crunchyroll Expo.

Lauren Orsini     Lauren is a blogger and writer for outlets like Anime News Network and Forbes. She lives, works, and builds Gunpla in the Washington, DC suburbs.

Łukasz Kaczmarek     You don't know him, but you know his work. Łukasz Kaczmarek, also known as lukeatlook, is the person responsible for the Internet's most viral anime recommendation charts of the last decade, put together based on years of experience introducing his friends, students, and family to the world of anime. Sysadmin by trade, he's a vocal member of the anime community both on the Internet and the local Polish fandom, where he manages the English program at the biggest fan convention in Europe, Pyrkon, attended annually by over 40 000 unique guests from Poland and all of Europe.

Lynzee Loveridge     As executive editor of Anime News Network, Lynzee has the unique position of knowing what's tracking with the critics and with viewers in the anime fandom. She not only writes her own reviews every season but also reads everything from ANN's editorial staff! Outside of work, She's just a magical girl living in a Junji Ito world.

Maria Luiza Barros Maria Luiza, also known as Moo, is an actress, cosplayer and creates online content about anime and manga in Brazil since 2016. She's half of the duo behind Bunka Pop, a widely known anime and Japanese culture video series that were one of the most popular shows on the cable channel PlayTV. Now, Moo also works as a host on Bentô, an anime talk show created by Omelete, the biggest pop culture portal of the entire Brazilian internet.

Matheus Chami     A filmmaker who is passionate and bold when it comes to pop culture. Have a problem to solve? Call Chami!

Matt Schley     Matt Schley writes about anime for The Japan Times, Otaku USA Magazine, and elsewhere. He lives in Tokyo.

Megan Peters     Megan Peters is the editorial lead for anime coverage at ComicBook.com. As an entertainment journalist, she enjoys series such as Fullmetal Alchemist and Princess Jellyfish. Rumor has it she also likes K-pop and and comics as well!

  Michael Sudakov (Михаил Судаков) Creator of the KG-Portal.ru website, anime lover with 20 years of experience, admirer of Makoto Shinkai, Hayao Miyazaki and P.A. Works. Big fan and collector of retro games, retro computers and retro consoles.

Mohammed Naami     Mohammed Naami is the founder of Ai Show group, the biggest community for anime and manga in the Arabic speaking world, and was the Middle East representative in Anime Japan 2019, Saudi Arabia - Riyadh entertainment season Ambassador of 2019, and a host in Saudi Arabia Anime Expo 2019, the biggest Anime festival in the region.

Nino Kerl     Nino Kerl is the founder and producer of NinotakuTV and NinotakuDE. Since his early childhood, this Munich-based journalist has been an avid fan of both anime and Japan as a whole. Thus, his YouTube channel and news website are also heavily centered around Japanese pop culture.

Orophin Ancalimon / Денис Боровский     Orophin Ancalimon has been an active member of the Russian anime community for over ten years.  A person who has watched more than 1,500 anime of different genres, a blogger and creator of the Betrayed Expectations YouTube channel, where he analyzes various trends in anime, and also shares his impressions of interesting TV shows and films.  Recently write a column for Crunchyroll Russia.  His special interest is meha and maho-shojo anime, but at the same time he tries not to miss a single high-profile novelty.

  Priscila Souza Ganiko     A Brazilian entertainment journalist with a burning passion for anime, K-pop, and game related content, some of Priscila's favorite things are stories with good character development, bowls of ramen, emotional and inspiring OSTs, meaningful action sequences, and a great redemption arc, especially since "evil" characters end up being so irresistible.

Rafael Brito     Nicknamed 'Jiback', for over 7 years Rafael Brito has been editor-in-chief at JBox, one of the oldest Brazilian websites devoted to anime, manga, tokusatsu and all the japanese pop culture information.

Ricardo Santiago     Ricardo Santiago, better known as Rik, works as a content creator since 2008, producing a number of different, irreverent and creative segments on his YouTube channel and his livestreams. One of his most popular segments, Vamos Falar De... (Let's Talk About...), went on to become a succesful standalone channel.

Ryo Koarai     Ryo Koarai is an anime watcher and columnist at Kawadon-entertainment in Japanese talent agency, Miki-production. She watches over 100 anime titles aired and distributed in Japan every week since 2012, thus watches anime more than anyone else in Japan today. She writes anime-related columns on Yahoo! News Japan and is often invited to national TV news programs as a guest commentator. Additionally, she studies anime from an academic perspective as a Ph.D. candidate at Hokkaido University.

Semyon Kostin     Semyon is a staff journalist for online media DTF and regularly writes about anime, games, and movies. He has been watching anime since the mid-90s and still continues.

Sloan Lester     Known as Sloan The Female Otaku on YouTube, TikTok, Instagram and Twitter, Sloan is back to help judge the awards for a third time. Otaku isn't just for show, as she's seen over 300 anime and continues to educate others on anime across all platforms.

Sydney Sures     Anime content creator on Tiktok with the handle @morallygreyismyfavcolor. Long time anime fan, wildly over active imagination, and too much time on her hands. Wants to be a ninja, but knows she bruises way too easily; settles for reading fanfiction instead. Overshares her anime-centered daydreams on social media for others who share her same brand of crazy.

Theo Ellis     Theo J Ellis is the Founder of Anime Motivation, the largest anime site in the UK. And the biggest site dedicated to anime quotes and life lessons.

Tristan Gallant     Tristan "Arkada" Gallant is a Canadian YouTuber known for reviewing Japanese animation with his series Glass Reflection since early 2009, gaining a following of over 500K subscribers. With a variety of red outfits and overly enthusiastic expressions, he has displayed his passion for anime since his start, covering everything from shows like Mob Psycho 100 and Shirobako to related topics such as anime legality and industry support.

Valentin Paquot     Between the 80s and 90s France had what they call the "Generation Club Dorothée," a generation blessed with hours of anime on National TV. Nursed with high quality classic like Touch, Kimagure Orange Road, Saint Seiya, Dragon Ball, and many more, Valentin got hooked. Now, thanks to simulcast services, the availability of anime has never been so great. Valentin genuinely likes all kinds of anime, but has a particular sweet tooth for slice of life stories and worships Akemi Takada.

Quoc Viet Nguyen     Viet Nguyen is a video games journalist and host at Rocket Beans TV (YouTube & Twitch). He discusses anime and manga in his monthly podcast "Nani?! - Der Anime-Talk" and streams various games on his own Twitch channel. On Twitter, Instagram and Twitch, you can find him @Pixelviet.

Nezu aka "Madara's Daughter" Madara's Daughter is a content creator who dwells in the Anime Kingdom 24/7, cosplays, and would at least like to think she's funny!

By: Miles Thomas

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

[allollipoppins]

I have a crazy idea! Can you do a family AU wherein Yuuri is a husbandu while Eros is the waifu? Their children will be the costumes that Yuuri wore during his Junior division days. Just think about it. Teehee!

Crossposted here for your entertainment ;) I hope it matches what you were expecting :)

It was only a matter oftime, Yuuri mused absentmindedly, before something like thathappened. He was looking at every possible item in sight in thevicinity in a very clear, stubborn decision to ignore his wife.

Eros sighed next to him.One of his hands, which had previously been resting on his knee andcrimpling the fabric of his dress, moved to put it on Yuuri’s kneeinstead. He felt the tense muscles under his palm through the fabricof his pants. Yuuri could be pig-headed when he wanted to (the irony,considering the fond nickname he kept for his husband), but hesupposed he was partly to blame for their current predicament.

The two of them sattogether in the much too short-legged, cramped plastic seats placedoutside of the principal’s office. School had been over for a goodhour now, but they’d been asked to come fetch Ichiru and Junpersonally after school, not specifying why the kids hadn’t taken thebus on the way back home.

At least, Yuuri hadgotten as much. He was still at work when Eros had called to tell himthat the children had gotten into trouble at school. Again. Cue thetwo of them fighting on the way to school, arguing that it was theother’s fault for not taking good care of the kids and generallybeing a bad influence.

Not that it went so bad.Their similarly sarcastic characters clashed more often than not,which was their own way of saying “I love you” to eachother. It had never once gone further than ranting, but it still hurtat times.

“Mr and Mr, er,Katsuki?” They raised their heads at the sounds of thesecretary’s voice calling their names, albeit in a hesitant manner.“Principal Feltsman will see you now.”

Yuuri exhaled in reliefwhen he got up, feeling his limbs scream at how cramped they hadpreviously been, imprisoned by the chair. He held a hand to Eros as asilent apology, which his wife took graciously.

Ichiru and Jun instantlyturned in their direction when they pushed past the doorstep, only tolower their head again. Seeing them like this struck Yuuri a little,even after all these years. The twins were naturally identical, butlooked so much more alike in this moment,from their shared guiltyexpression to their outfits. Though Jun wore a dress under her jacketand Ichiru leggings and a t-shirt, they both had their striped blackand neon blue training gear on. Yuuri’s eyes squinted from behind hisglasses. Were his eyes playing tricks on him or were the kids alreadywearing their hero costumes under their clothes?

“Please, have aseat.”

He didn’t have time toreflect on that, Principal Feltsman pressing them to move. Eros andhim sat on opposite sides, Eros on Jun’s left and himself on Ichiru’sright. He squeezed his shoulders in passing, and gave a small smileto Jun in hope she’d be reassured. She smiled back at him, though ina smaller and still reluctant way, as Eros nodded at him and Ichirulooked up at his father. At least he wasn’t mad at them. For now.

Principal Feltsman wentback behind his desk, sighing wearily as the chair creaked under hisweight, no doubt also because of the situation.

“I believe you areaware of the reason why you are currently here in this office, MrKatsuki and Mr…” he dragged out while looking at Eros, notsure what to call him. Eros plastered a smile on his face, trying tobe as polite and human as he could possibly manage.

“It’s Katsuki too.We’re married.” Eros stated, stealing a glance at Yuuri to findhim repressing a sigh. This wasn’t the first time they werepractically mistaken for a pair of strangers. The uncanny resemblancebetween the two of them always led people to deduce they were twins,or at the very least brothers or cousins. Others just assumed theywere close friends, and the more racist ones took it for granted thatthey knew each other due to their shared Asian features. But Godforbid they be married and with children old enough to be in primaryschool.

Yakov Feltsman raised aneyebrow but quickly recovered from his surprise. “Right then, Mrand Mr Katsuki. As I was saying, I believe you know why exactly youare in my office in this moment.”

“Well, as a matterof fact Mr Feltsman… we don’t” Yuuri started, glancing at Eroswho stared back at him, their gazes then shifted to the two youngones who were currently still looking at their laps.

“It is myunderstanding that your son, Ichiru got into a fight. Again.”Yakov Feltsman promptly accented the second part of his sentence, hisfingers fiddling with a folder on the corner of his desk. Neitherparent missed his action. “The other person involved was theyoung Mr Andrews, whom as I recollect was at the nurses a few hoursago with, well, a great deal of bruises on him. Quite a number youdid on him, young man,” Yakov observed as he stared down atIhciru, who had the decency to look ashamed.

Yuuri wasn’t sosurprised, to tell the truth. Their oldest, Ichiru, had been adifficult child to deal with since the beginning. Unlike his littlesister Jun, he was a troublemaker and would never stay still for toolong, a trait he’d inherited from his mother. While the youngerKatsuki had gotten their father’s sweet temper, Eros had rubbed onIchiru personality-wise.

He wouldn’t always beable to mother-hen him. Didn’t mean he couldn’t try. “Is thattrue, Ichiru?” He kept his voice low and levelled, enough tomake his son see that he wasn’t mad at him. It took a lot to make himangry, and none of his children ever could.

Ichiru looked up at him,nervousness lingering in his gaze. “I – I did but… I had myreasons!”

“Did you, now?”the principal cut him before Yuuri could ask what he meant by that.

“Surely we could letIchiru say what he has to say? I’m sure there is a good explanationto it, isn’t that so, sweetheart?” Eros replied in their son’sstead, using the mellow voice he knew him to use on the children,though Yuuri detected the chilly undertone lying under it. Yuuriwasn’t sure who to feel most sorry for.

“He started it!Andrews was bullying Jun so I told him to stop, I promise I did! But– but then he decided to hit me, so I had no other choice, did I?”Ichiru cried out, cheeks flushed from a mixture of embarassment andindignation.

“I’ll have to askyou to lower your voice with me, Mr Katsuki, otherwise this won’t endwell.” Yakov threatened in an all too calm way for Yuuri to likeit.

“Now now,” hetried to appease them as the tension in the room was slowly gettingthicker. “Let’s try to calm down, shall we?” Yuuri thenturned to his youngest, who still appeared to fid the floor veryinteresting. “Jun, love, is what Ichiru is saying true? WasAndrews bullying you?”

Jun wouldn’t meet hiseyes, fiddling with her sleeves and playing with the buttoned cuffs.Yuuri exhaled softly, then put his hand on Jun’s shoulder, the othersqueezing Ichiru’s to let him know he didn’t blame him at all. Junslowly nodded at her father, clearing her throat gone hoarse from thelack of talking. “He – he was,” she stuttered, a habitshe only presented when truly nervous, undoubtedly inherited fromhim. “He, he was threatening to – to – hit me and Ichirucame to defend me.”

Eros rubbed his hand onJun’s shoulder, then turned back to Feltsman. “See? Justself-defence.”

Mr Feltsman, on the otherhand, was clearly not buying it and was starting to lose it, if thevein popping on his forehead was any indication of his predicament.“May I remind you, Mr and Mr Katsuki, that your son stillresorted to violence against his companion? Gave him a significantnumber of bruises, if I may add. Mr Andrews thankfully made it to thenurse’s with only a black eye and no broken ribs; a miracle, sincemost students present reported quite a number of punches thrown in. Idon’t know what you would like to call it, Mr Katsuki, but that ismost definitely not self-defence.”

“You gave him aright hook?” Eros raised his voice in surprise, almost makingYuuri jump. Eros wasn’t one to give in to frequent emotionaloutbursts, even when it came to situations such as this one.

Ichiru nodded, his cheeksflushing from shame. Eros’ lips spread into a wide smile, as helifted up a hand to high-five his son. “Well done, that’s myboy!”

“Eros!” “MrKatsuki!” both husband and director yelled, Mr Feltsman out offrustration and no doubt rising anger, and Yuuri out of embarassmenton his wife’s behalf.

Eros somehow managed toget away with merely a shrug “What? Surely he must have had hisreasons. You heard Ichiru after all, Andrews did start first…”

Mr Feltsman seemed readyto resign, lifting a hand to wipe out the sweat beading on his brow,and sighing. Yuuri absentmindedly took notice of his wrinkledforehead and the long, gray strands of hair falling on each side ofhis face. “Look, it’s getting late and I still have a lot ofwork to do. Let’s just call it quit and leave this matter for now,yes? Hopefully the Andrews won’t try to sue you.. but in themeantime, please try to control your son.”

“Rest assured,Principal Feltsman, we will do just that.”

They took their leavefrom the principal’s office with a quick nod Mr Fletsman dismissed,ready for them to get out of his sight. His secretary watched as theyexited the school wing, the little family calmly walking to theparking lot in a single row – a picture-perfect shot that couldhave been taken out of a children’s album.

“You do realize thateven though you got of here without anything, this doesn’t mean we’llget off your backs so easily?” Yuuri exhaled as he shut his sideof the car, putting the key into the ignition but not turning on thecar just yet.

“But dad – ”the kids started to protest, Eros lifted a hand to stop them.

“I think it’s sameto assume that you won’t be accompanying us on missions for the restof the week, young ones.” Both felt a slight pang in their chestat the sight of the twins’ crestfallen expressions. It was thebeginning of the week after all, and they knew the kids to be excitedto finally be able to join their papa and mama on their missions nowthat they were of age. Hell, they already had their costumes onunderneath their civilian clothes. To think they’d have to go to bedremoving them after an eventless day…

“You’re stillgetting katsudon tonight, don’t worry about that,” Yuuri smiledreasurringly. The younger ones’ faces lit up with smiles, as theylaunched themselves at their father and mother for a group hug. Atleast that was some kind of consolation.

#ask #kreuzxherz #allollipoppins #yoi villain au #yuuri/eros yuuri katsuki #yuuriharemheadcanons

[due4amiracle]

Day 445

i blame the steroids and you can’t stop me

Listo:

Laundry/cleaning, Reading, Dailies, #TTRPGThings, Watching.

Laundry/cleaning - Laundry being put away, some garbage thrown away! ✔

Reading things - - 2 Ebooks for me, 1 Audiobook for Sir! ...Yea. 182 for the year, 20 for the month!  There’s a lot here. i’m not going to list them all. Especially not the ones i tried-and-dropped-and-didn’t-even-bother-DNFing. - Hidden Legacy series by Ilona Andrews - everything available currently. 3🌟  - The Drowned Woods by Emily Lloyd-Jones 100%! 3🌟 - Moon Tortured (Sky Brooks, #1) by McKenzie Hunter 27%! Meh, is ok. Somethin’ to read. UwU♡ ✔✔

Dailies - - Waifu Did mah dailies! Also, level 50/50 BP now~! AND! Tree lvl 40/50! Also! 27/43 max friendship namecards acquired! New MONTH! new weeklies! Gem thingy now level 9/10! ♡ω♡✔ Had to do some finagling with that 50 but i got it.

#TTRPGThings - News, makin’ emotes, etc. ✔

Watching things - - SAO Alicization. Bloop bloop haven’t started on this yet fml. - Vancouver by Night: Season 1 - Episode 8/19! - New York by Night: Season 1 - Episode 7/8! That was a beautiful episode and... i’m not ready for it to be done. - 100 Club: Episode 3/??! i’m behind an episode and i’m gonna do a two-for tomorrowish/tuesday.

Other things - Daily Diarrhea Diary - Ish. The past couple of days oof. Ooooof it was bad. CPAP timer - Well. Uh. Didn’t wear it the last two nights. i only have two other nights recorded. 8.1 1.0 // 6.3 1.1 - i blame the steroids. Took a shower today, that was nice. Soaked in the tub for about 45 minutes (and by that i mean i just kinda zoned out, eyes closed, and relaxed whew) and then Showered. So much scrubbing, so little time. Gotta get back on the ball. i’m so tired. Bleh.

Food: A Liquid: A Pain: C Brain: C

Tomorrow: Laundry/cleaning, Reading, Dailies, #TTRPGThings, Watching.

Ever Onwards and Upwards!

#Multiple Sclerosis #ADHD #OCD #Arthritis #Spoonie #Daily #Genshin Impact #Genshin Waifu #Waifu Impact #waifu #TTRPGThings #Moon Tortured (Sky Brooks 1) by McKenzie Hunter #CPAP #NYBN #Food: A #Liquid: A #Pain: C #Brain: C #sore #exhausted

[bunnyamyrose]

🌸🍓💖🍒🌼

#Andrew’s Waifu #Only Andrew’s Waifu #Only His Waifu #Waifu #not your waifu #meme #memes #silly #kawaii #cute #aesthetic #love #pastel #cosplayer #pink #tiktok

[davekat-sucks]

I actually like Vriska and not just because she represents my sign. She's not my favorite troll and I hate what the retcon did with/to her, but prior to that, I think she is/was one of the more interesting trolls. Funny enough, my biggest qualm with Vriska isn't about her, but the "Vriska did nothing wrong" crap. Personally, I'm a firm believer of "Vriska did a lot wrong, but that's why you should like her." She has/had flaws and regrets and that makes me like her more. -Blue Team Anon

It could be applied to a lot of other characters like Gamzee or Eridan, but Vriska is definitely one of the better examples of a flawed character while still being the best because of those faults that they are willing to improve for the better. Be it for others or themselves. Sort of insane that people like Kate thinks everything she did was justified. From crippling Tavros, killing Aradia with Sollux, and making Jade fall asleep to set up Bec Noir to fight with. The projection of it to the point she had to change her gender identity in order to give her a pass for her doing those awful things, makes me think she doesn't really know about the character well, is only piggybacking off Andrew Hussie's success, or Kate is just that insecure about herself because she is not as confident like Vriska to do awful things for herself. When not the bias waifu for someone like Andrew Hussie, Vriska is a really interesting character. Definitely a base breaker for the fandom, but I suppose that's how it would be perfect her her. Good attention or bad, she will at least be the centerpiece of it all when people talk about her.

#Vriska Serket #Homestuck #Kate Mitchell #Andrew Hussie #Blue Team Anon

[toomanysubjectstudyblr-blog]

TAG GAME!!!

Thank you so much @em-spacestudy @kstudylife band @studywithsophiax for tagging me! 

(sorry for the delay, better late than never?)

(rules: answer 20 questions, then tag 20)

Name: Clo (not a name but this is what I’ve got rn)  
Nickname: Clo! (hahahah how funny?) 
Zodiac sign: Aries 
Height: 165cm 
Orientation: (Considering that people mean sexual orientation 99.9% of the times when they ask this…) Demisexual (if we consider everything we have pan and bi) 
Ethnicity: I’m brazilian? That might mean everything and nothing at all at the same time? European descendent Brazilian (mostly British and Portuguese, british had most impact to my growing up, my environment and biggest part of who I am)  
Favorite fruit: hm… Dragon fruit? Atm, probably bananas…  
Favorite season: Autumn! 
Favorite book: All books by Rainbow Rowell (seriously, she is amazing), Walled City, Wonderstruck and Capitães da Areia. As I am really character driven, those are not all of my favorite books, but I tried to keep emotions and characters out of the judgment this time…  
Favorite Animal: Horses, falcons/hawks and cheetas (aesthetically. although, horses are the loves of my life because they are, they have way much more points than just beauty) and zebras and donkeys are my buddies, my loves! I luv them! And well… who can say no to dogs and cats? (not me…) 
Coffee, tea, or hot cocoa?: can’t choose between coffee and tea, sorry… But, definitely leaving hot cocoa out of this.  
Average sleep hours: try to keep around 8 (ideally 9) but end up around 7 or less? 
Cat or dog person: dog… Although I fit the “cat person stereotype”… I love them both, but… I’ve got two dogs and no cats (even if one of my dogs might be a cat in costume?) 
Favorite fictional character: (this is going to be long) Draco Malfoy, Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood; Nico di Angelo, Apolo, Hazel Lavesque and Leo Valdez; Aristotle and Dante (haha, I don’t know last names…); Will Herondale, Magnus Bane, Raphael Santiago, Ty Blackthorn, Charlotte Branwell and Isabelle Lightwood; Andrew Minyard, Renee and Neil Josten (might add Allison and Dan as well, Matt is nice too… idk ILOVETHEMALL); Inej Ghafa and Jesper Fahey; Tyrion Lannister, Arya Stark, Daenerys Targaryen, Sansa Stark and Jon Snow; Simon Snow; Éponine, Gavroche, Marius and Jean Van Jean (Javert as well? idk); Sean Kendrick; Sevro au Barca; Sun, Capheus, Nomi, Wolfgang, Hernando and Kala; Laurel and Michaela; Cristina Yang, Alex Karev, Miranda Bailey and Stephanie Edwards; There might be more, but let’s rest from this…  
Number of blankets you sleep with: one? plus the cover? (I always get so confused with this one LOL) 
Dream trip: to travel around the world! is it valid? (I tried to choose a continent and picked all… Oops)  
Blog created: some time around december, 2016 i think… 
Number of followers: 8k (OMG PEOPLE, YOU’RE AWESOME! ILYSM!)

i tag: @shybear11024 @kerstudies @architstudy @castillos-co @revisicn @nehrdstudies @organizeandstudy @cysticstudies @busystudyign @moanastudies @partyhardbutstudyharder @study-hab1ts @the-ghost-of-athenes-owl @drinkwaterandbekind @water-waifu @flavoredramen @einstetic @eintsein @biolcgy @eruhdit and whoever else wants to do it… (all tagged, do it only if you want to) 

#mine #tag game

[wanderingblackdragon]

The Ed-Venture Auditions Chapter 1

Foreword and Author's Notes: Well, never thought I’d be posting here. I’m here on a friend’s suggestion that I try posting fanfiction on this site. I’ve been trying to write fanfiction, particularly of Ed, Edd ‘n Eddy for years, with varying success. But, with FF.net’s Ed’s section being taken over by the yaoi fangirls and its increasingly restrictive rules. Perhaps that site is dead already. And so, he we are.

There are many reasons why I'm here, writing this. For one,I've promised myself that I would finish a series of fanfiction before moving on to more original works. Secondly, I always liked the interactive nature of story-telling on the internet, since it's a platform for people not only critique someone's work, but also discuss and trade ideas... As rarely as the latter happens.

The series is about several things. But, chief among them will be potential. I want to take some of my (and hope yours as well) favorite characters and showcase what (I think) they're truly capable of. Another theme is Evolution. I want to show how that potential can lead people, places, relationships and so on to evolve. With this series, I hope to use a variety of settings and scenarios to explore various themes with our favorite Eds & friends as the front-men.

Finally, this series is an AU in which the events of Big Picture Show did not occur. The reason I'm doing this is because I feel the ending of the series was not only contrived, but also messed up some things in continuity; such as the reason for Eddy's behavior and what his brother is actually like.

Acknowledgements:

Cocobean3: The only beta reader who's proven helpful, even if most of your ideas ended up being scrapped. I look forward to our continued interactions. I also still need to get back to reading your stuff.

Voodooknight & Kingcobra: My friends from Enclave and Skype. Thank you for letting me rattle on about my ideas and giving me someone to bounce ideas off with. Even if Voodoo spent most of it talking about his imaginary sexlife with his waifu :P

SuzumeCA: One of my favorite writers, and a big inspiration for me for a long time. I hope you're doing well. And when are you gonna update?! I WANT MY YURI! (JK)

Riiser: Host of WebcomicRelief on youtube and possibly my harshest critic. Thank you for your help and giving me the criticisms I need to get my head together.

BathVader: If it wasn't for you, I would've given up on this site and left months ago. Thank you for still trying to breathe life into this and I hope more people follow your example!

Disclaimer: I don't own squat. Everything the light touches still belongs to Danny Antonucci, that glorious bastard!

"Summer rains: You can never predict them."

With the first day of summer vacation, came the first rains of the summer season. From his living room window, Eddward Marian "Double D" Vincent, watched his neighbors scurry out of the thick downpour and into their respective dwellings. Except two that scurried towards his front door. Which was why Edd rose to retrieve towels, rather than return to his reading.

He counted the seconds as he ascended the stairs, retrieved a blue and green towel, basket and a hair dryer from the linen closet, then descended the stairs just in time to open the door. On the other side, stood Ed Horace Hill and Eddy Skipper Sampson, with their hands up to pound on the Vincents' front door.

"Good morning, gentlem-!"

"Can you believe this shit, Double D?!" Snatching the green towel and hand dryer, Eddy pushed passed his friend, kicking his shoes off into the "Designated shoe area" between strides and already began drying himself off before Edd could complain.

Edd winced. "What I can't believe is your language, Eddy!"

"Hey, we're outta middle school now, so I ain't gotta worry about standards anymore! Besides, What's more mature than swearin'?"

"Eddy, don't you know profuse profanity is the sign of immaturity and/or limited vocabulary?" Edd lectured with a wagging finger, "Furthermore, it's far too early for such course language!"

Finding a spot to plug in the hand dryer, Eddy turned its hot breeze on himself.

"Are you kiddin'?!" it's the first day'a summer and it friggin' rains!" Eddy complained.

"Well, Eddy, you know how the weather can be. The rain will stop in about an hour from now." Edd explained. Suddenly, he noticed Ed had laid his towel on the floor, crawled on it on all-fours and proceeded to shake himself dry. "Ed!" Edd cried and ran after him with a sponge and a bucket.

"An hour?!" Eddy gasped, "The hell are we supposed to do 'till then?!"

"Oh, I know! We can count teeth! I've been trying to break my record since last year, Eddy!" Ed said.

Edd was beginning to wonder when this lovable oaf would stop bewildering him. "You have a record for counting teeth, Ed?" he looked at Ed whilst his hands still worked the sponge against the splattered walls.

Ed nodded, his typical grin taking up his face. "Yep! I got all the way up to four last year, Double D!" With no further prompt, Ed opened his mouth as wide as he could, and his elastic blue tongue began to prod over his (admittedly) crooked and plaque-ridden teeth. "One... Twoooo... Threee-"

"Ed, might I suggest something more enlightening?" Edd cut in. With the wall (re)cleaned, he moved to lift his book from the coffee table and presented it to the other Eds.

They stared at it. Edd's hopeful grin drained away.

Ed craned his head to one side and tried to read the cover. "M-My... Those-and..."

"A book, Double D?!" Eddy snapped, "To hell with that! It's summer time! School's out! We shouldn't be reading anything!"

"Yeah, books make my brain hurt!" Ed added.

Edd rolled his eyes,; not like those comic books are doing it any favors. He turned the book's cover to face him. "There's a lot one can learn from books, fellows! For example, this book, titled "My Thousand miles" written by Andrew McDonald. It's about the tale of a factory worker who decided to take a trek of one-thousands steps, on a spiritual journey of self-discovery!" Edd explained. "In fact there any many fascinating anecdotes about social commentary, family, friendship, politics and the human condition! In fact one of my favorite passage..."

There Edd went lecturing again. With the bookworm's excitement dribbling through one ear and out the other, Eddy's glazed eyes wandered for something more interesting to look out.

"... Why in fact, it's a Los Angeles Times Bestseller, and-"

"Oh, a bestseller, huh?" Eddy feigned interest, "I'll bet this guy's just rolling in cash!"

"Well, authors who tend to become bestsellers aren't exactly living off peanuts, Eddy!" Edd confirmed, "It's also won an award for best Non-fiction last year"

Bestseller... Something about that term grabbed Eddy's brain. Bestseller meant that lots of people bought it. That meant it made money. And if it was featured in a major newspaper like L.A Times, then meant more people would buy it. Which meant more money. And an award? That meant people really liked it. Which meant more people would buy it. Which meant more money.

More money

If that book took Eddy's attention before; it was now holding it hostage. Eddy never cared for books. They were huge bundles of boring that adults made him read just to piss him off. Double D loved them because he was a boring sap who loved to please adults. Oh, Eddy should slap himself! The answer to a lifelong quest was right in Edd's hands, staring him in the face. In fact, hasn't it always?

And from the look setting itself into Eddy's face, Ed and Edd watched him with an oblivious smile and an arched brow respectively.

"I think Eddy's got another idea, Double D!" Ed cheered.

Edd frowned, "That's what I'm afraid of, Ed."

"THAT'S IT, GUYS!" Eddy burst. He jumped up to stand on the easy chair, thrusting a finger at the ceiling, shouting "We should publish a book!"

And just as quickly, Edd's fears evaporated. "That's a wonderful idea, Eddy! Why, producing a literary work of our own should be an excellent way to flex our creative muscles- not to mention actually doing something constructive for once!"

"What was that last bit, Double D?" Eddy asked.

"Oh, nothing, nothing!" Edd covered

"Anyway, so what's our bestselling novel gonna be about?"

Ed's hand immediately shot up and waved about. "Oh, I got an idea, Eddy! I got an idea!" He didn't bother to wait for a response, "Our book is about the time we were kidnapped to the underground lair of a mad scientist, where he performed wicked experiments to turn us into mutant butterflies...!" And to demonstrate, Ed had climbed atop of the sofa and began to flap his arms about.

Edd already knew how this would end. The coffee table was right in front of Ed too. "ED, NO-WAIT!"

Ed jumped from the sofa, trying to flap his arms to fly. Mercifully, gravity allowed Ed to "fly" over the fagile glass table, then Eddy's head before it yanked him to the floor with a THUD. Face to the carpet, Ed continued to flap his arms haplessly, whilst impotently wiggling about the floor. He went on, "... After a daring escape, we find that we must suck the bone marrow of Major League Baseball players in order to survive!"

Edd and Eddy watched at the boy pounce on a couch pillow and reeled his head back to drain the hapless furniture of its bone marrow, just before Edd managed to snatch, re-fluff and replace the pillow in its assigned position.

"Perhaps something more down to earth, Ed?" Edd suggested, "Instead; I suggest a memoir in which we camp out in the forests, exploring its lush nature landscapes, cataloging and studying the diverse and fascinating local wildlife?"

The way Eddy glared at him was answer enough.

In the brief moment Edd prepared to plead his case, Eddy's finger thrust to the ceiling and his voice blared, "We're gonna make a-..." Eddy snapped his fingers. The word was on the tip of his tongue, "... A...!" Come on, vocabulary, don't fail him now! "... Damnit! What's it called when you write a story about yer'self, Double D?"

"Autobiography, Eddy." Edd supplied.

"... Yeah! We're gonna write an auto-biology about our totally awesome and kickass adventures!"

"Cool!" Ed said.

Edd merely quirked his brow, his fears returning with a vengeance. "Surely, you're not referring to the innumerous failed attempts at conning the other children out of their allowance, and/or gain their acceptance as peers? Who in their right mind would want to read about that?"

"Psst! That's kids stuff, Double D...!" Eddy dismissed with a wave.

"So, you admit your hair brained schemes were, in fact, hair brain-" When Eddy beaned Edd with the pillow, he didn't expect the sock-hatted one to fall over from the force.

"As I was sayin'!" Eddy barked, "All that's just kid's stuff! These adventures are gonna be big time, boys! I'm talkin' an action-adventure-kung-fu-political-thriller-heist-porno-comedy!"

By then, Edd had recovered from Eddy's assault with a pillow and moved to place it back from where Eddy had grabbed it. Once it was properly re-fluffed and placed back in its designated position, he asked, "Eddy, what events in our lives have ever met the standards of such a convoluted and ridiculous genre? Have you and Ed learned nothing from that school newspaper dabocile?"

"'Course I have, Sock-head!" Eddy answered, "And that's why we're gonna do it for real first!"

"It's adventure time!" Ed added

"Am I the only one who can see how this would go wrong?" Edd wondered to himself more than anything.

"Whatcha on about this time?!"

Edd took the momentary silence to construct his case. "For instance: One of the genre you listed was "Kung-Fu", implying it will involve martial arts -and knowing you, combat-. However, the only martial arts experience any of us have was a dojo scam -which failed-, and your ill-fated attempts to make Jimmy a sumo wrestler -which was doomed from the start, admittedly-."

"What, I never told you I know the deadliest style around, Double D?"

"Oh, and I still remember those sumo moves from TV, Double D!" Ed chimed in. He never realized they weren't watching him slip out of his clothes, tie his jacket into a makeshift Mawashi and begin to range about the living room, felling imaginary enemies with deadly belly thrusts. "SUCKY-YUCKY!"

"... And what, may I ask, is this "Deadliest style around", Eddy?" Edd wearily challenged.

"Outta my way, Samurai warrior! For I'm a mission! TOYOTA!"

Eddy hopped off the chair and extended his arms in some unidentifiable pose. "It's a secret and deadly technique known as..." Edd thought the pause was an invitation to speak, "... Whup-ass!"

What could Edd say to something so ridiculous? Whup-A$$? The name in itself told him all he needed to know. "Pardon?"

Meanwhile, Ed's imaginary battle had taken him to the kitchen "HA! Thought you could sneak up on me, deadly cyborg ninja of the Wasabi clan! Your exploding taser shuriken are no match for my Burr-head Bump! MITSUBISHI!"

THUD

"Whupass, Double D, is the fighting style my brother invented it after he won the world kickboxin' championship when he was eight! He taught it to me when I was five! I managed to get my quadruple black belt before he left!"

Ed's battle with his imaginary nemeses had taken him outside into the rain. "Release Princess Momo, evil tentacle monster from the Makai dimension! For I, Yokuzuna Ed will not allow you to molest her with your tentacle-ness...! Oh, no! It's got me! It seems I have no choice...! SEGA!"

CRASH

"Barring the obvious..." Edd began evenly, "Firstly, Eddy: black belts are ranked by degrees, not multiples. Secondly: It sounds like your brother was simply pulling your leg again. After all, what professional fighting circuit in their right mind would allow a child to compete against grown adults?"

"The kind that knows my brother's the man, Double D! Just like I'm gonna be when this book becomes a bestseller!" Eddy gloated.

"Right. Just, what would we be doing in this overly elaborate and I'm assuming dangerous adventure of yours?" Edd asked.

"Obviously kickass stuff, Double D!" Eddy answered, "With car chases and gun-sword fights with ninjas while rescuing the President! Followed by debriefing 'n cocktails where I make out with his hot daughters!"

Where to begin? "And for what purpose would we be doing any of this?" Edd questioned

"'Cause that's what badasses do, Double D! Like Jack Bauer, and Jason Stathem!"

"That's not answering the question, Eddy!" Edd sighed, "Why would we be doing any of these things? Who is chasing whom in these car chases? Why we are getting into -as you put it- gun/sword fights with ninja assassins? Why would it fall to us; three average middle school graduates to rescue the president rather than, say, the secret service, C.I.A., military, or even law enforcement, who, such a task would rightfully fall upon? And from what threat?"

Eddy sucked his teeth, "What, don't you see the movies, Double D? Those hacks couldn't keep a cheeseburger from gettin' eaten at a vegan convention!"

"That's a strangely specific analogy..." Edd mused.

Eddy shrugged, "Hey, they can't all be gold."

"But, in that case, look at it like a movie. What is the plot, the goal? There's a reason James Bond is getting into car chases and fights and lurid one night stands: and that's to attain a singular goal of stopping whatever terrorist is threatening the world at the time!"

"What, you mean the boring shit that happens between the good stuff?" Eddy shot back, "Nobody cares about that, Double D! It's just there to pad out the movie and shut up soccer moms who keep bitchin' about "It's too violent and sexualized"!"

"Like your mother, Eddy?" Edd quipped. Yet, there was a better point to make, "Liste; even Ed's idea had a plot! Plot is the driving force of the story! It breathes life into it! Plot gives the events meaning through context! Plot gives the characters motivation through conflict! It's the glue that holds everything together!"

"Oh, and what's the "plot" to your idea, Double D?" Eddy snapped, "We go out to look at birds 'n flowers 'n crap, 'cause you're too big a wuss to go on a real adventure!?"

"There's far more to it than just observing bird and plant life, Eddy!" Edd shot back, "It's about the adventure of traversing beautiful landscapes and exploring the simple wonders of the natural world, the deepening bonds of friendship that we share and the spiritual journey we take within ourselves to discover who we truly are!"

"I can sum that up in two words: Snores. Ville!"

Edd deflated in a huff. "At this rate, we're not even going to make it to the foreword."

"Well, where are we supposed to get a "plot" from, Double D?" Eddy snapped, "Outta the mailbox?!"

As if on some cue, Edd's front door swung open, as Ed had used his head to jar it open. In his hand was a flyer. "You've got mail!"

The three Eds were seated around the coffee table. Edd had spent the five minutes prior inspecting the strange letter with a magnifying glass. On the sofa across from him sat the other Eds. Ed took another crack at his teeth-counting record. He almost made it. Eddy on the other end, busily drummed his fingers over the armrest. He had finally mastered the baseline to James Brown's "Big Payback"

But, he'd waited long enough. "So, what's it say, Double D? I'll be it's from the president! I told you my idea was gold!"

"Actually, I've yet to read it, Eddy." Edd pointed out. Setting the magnifying glass on the table, Edd flipped the sheet over to give it one last glance over. "I find it strange that there's no return address..."

"So, what's it say?" Eddy urged.

Edd cleared his throat,

To Mr. Eddward Marian-

Ed and Eddy's snickering broke his concentration. A frown quickly silenced them. But, not without Ed getting a quick "That's a girl's name!" out.

Edd rolled his eyes.

To Mr. Eddward Marian "Double D" Vincent.

Please excuse the frankness of this letter, and the dubious circumstances upon which it had been delivered. However, time is of the essence and I lack the ability to grant you the delicacy this situation requires. First and foremost, I am a representative of a network of explorers, scientists, philosophers, artists, activists, and those of the inclination to use their talents for the betterment of good and the on-gong pursuit of knowledge! It is my utmost honor to extend to you an invitation to join this illustrious, and ever expanding network; by taking part in our upcoming summer training camp.

It is an intensive program, open only to those with great potential. In this camp, you will have the opportunity to study advanced scientific fields such as quantum physic-

"Lemme see that!" ignoring Edd's cry of protest, Eddy swiftly snatched the letter away and nearly sundered it. A skim later, Eddy looked up at Edd with a flat stare. "You should getcha eyes checked, Double D! It doesn't say anything about some "Advanced scientific fields"!"

"Is that so?" Edd replied, "Because that is clearly what was stated in the letter, Eddy!"

"No it ain't! It actually says..."

Are you a bad enough badass to take part in the most manliest, badass-est, explosive, and most exclusive camp ever made?! Forget the Urban Rangers! Only the toughest, most awesomest badasses ever are invited!

Rub elbows with famous and important people from all over! Hang out and "study" with the hottest, vivacious babes that'll make that girl next door look like Jane Plain 'n Tall! Learn the tricks of the trade from the world's most elite spies, assassins and men of dange-

"Oh my turn, Eddy!" When Ed grabbed the letter...

"Ed, you be careful with that!" Edd whined,

Ed ended up catapulting Eddy into the wall behind him, before perusing the letter proper. Then he stopped, and nearly twisted his head a full one-hundred-eighty degrees to shake his head at Eddy. "Tsk, tsk, Eddy! That's not what the letter says!"

"Yes, thank you, Ed." Edd sighed, "I was wondering where Eddy got that ridiculous-"

"It actually says..."

Hark, adventurer! For there is evil afoot! Are you brave enough to face that which goes bump in the night? Are you ready to journey into the depths of the final frontier to take on the Borg Collective and save the universe from assimilation? Then do not hesitate to join this year's Adventurer's Training Camp!

Train with the toughest, hardest and most fearless superheroes, space outlaws, demon hunters and vikings from across the multiverse! Learn about the many strange and exotic creatures unknown to man! Learn how to rescue princesses from evil mutant turtles, and become the hero you were meant to be!

Oh, and there'll also be snacks!

"Ed, if I may?" Edd asked at length.

When Ed handed back the letter, Edd skimmed through what he read until he landed where he left off. He glanced up at Eddy picking himself from the floor and storming back to the couch, then followed his glowering to Ed's empty headed smile, then back to the letter. What on earth were they reading? Sometimes people will see what they want. Ah, here's where Edd left off.

… Quantum Physics, chronology, archaeology, investigative psychology, astronomy, to name a few. However, I must also inform you that this invitation is only valid if you come as part of a group of six. Please have your group assembled and call 843-362867 before June 2nd.

Regards.

But who's regards? Setting the letter down, Edd paid little attention to Eddy snatching it from the table, and juggled the whole thing in his mind. For one, that phone number only had nine digits; a standard phone number, including the area code, had ten. The rest of this letter was written exquisitely well, so why would the sender allow it to be sent with this typo? Furthermore, the prerequisites were most unusual; shouldn't the sender also send invitations to those other five? Of course there was still the fact that the letter lacked a return address, and now a name.

"June second?" Eddy parroted, making Edd look up and watch him strain to answer his own question.

"That's tomorrow, Eddy." Edd supplied.

"TOMORROW?! HOW THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO FIND THREE MORE PEOPLE BEFORE THEN?! ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S RAINING?!" Sometimes Edd wondered how Eddy's voicebox didn't give out from all that yelling.

"Well, as I stated, Eddy, the rain ought to stop soon." Edd explained, "However, don't you think we should be more concerned about the mysterious circumstances of this letter?"

"I told ya, it's from the president!" Eddy dismissed with a grin.

Of course, only Eddy would think that. However, Ed's finger rose to draw the other Eds' attention and halt any doubting retorts Edd thought up.

"I think I just thunk, guys!" Ed announced, and Edd winced at that butchered grammar, "We should do tryouts and stuff, like that one time we had a talent show and my eyebrow started growing all over me!"

And so Eddy's grin made room for thought. He nodded, "Yeah, not a bad idea, Lumpy!"

"Or..." Edd interjected, "The Urban Rangers are holding a meeting today. Perhaps, we ought to invite-"

Eddy's laugh was the fourth time he interrupted Edd, and all the answer he needed. "Ha ha hell no!"

An hour later, the downpour had indeed ended. The endless grays painting the skies broke into soft patches of white, and a vengeful sun worked to dry the lands. When the three Eds stepped out of the Vincent house, Ed was armed with a stack of fliers nearly as high as he was tall. Edd nearly worked his father's printer to death to make those.

Throwing his palm up on the oaf's shoulder, Eddy coached him, "Now, remember, Ed: Put those fliers anywhere 'n everywhere in town! Got it, lumpy?"

Balancing the wavering stack in one hand, Ed saluted Eddy, "Roger Wilco!" then broke into a mad dash. A litter of fliers followed Ed as he rounded the corner out of the cul-de-sac. He could last be heard shouting "I'm on a mission, beeyatch!"

The spectacle tickled Eddy, making him hunch over as he laughed. Edd could only shake his head; Eddy's sudden preference for profanity had infected Ed as well. Edd could only hope this wouldn't become an epidemic. But, the decline of clean language would have to wait, as there was a stand that needed building and a junkyard full of materials to raid.

Of course, Edd would get his exercise for the day, as he was made to drag the pile of plywood and a discarded kitchen counter back to the cul-de-sac by some miracle. The construction of the actual stand would prove less strenuous, if arduous, since Eddy burdened himself with a most important task: Lounging on a lawn chair and soaking up the sun's fury.

Perilously perched on a rickety ladder, Edd had to steady every fiber of his being as he nailed the sign, reading "Eds' Adventurer's Auditions" in his meticulously tight print, to the top.

Occasionally Eddy would shout some encouragement, "C'mon, Double D! I ain't getting' any younger!"

"You kno- OH!"

With a jolt, Edd managed to grasp the half-secured sign as the ladder slipped from under him. Trapped, Edd's arms squeezed into the splintering wood, his body fighting to still itself.

"Eddy! Help me!" Edd wailed.

With a reflector blasting bright white rays into his face, Eddy even couldn't burden himself with looking up. "You got it, Double D!" He shouted back.

"Eddy! Eddy, the sign's slipping! I'm going down! I'M GOING- AAAH!" The sound of Edd's lithe frame smacking against pavement could be heard across town, evident by Plank poking his head from a distant tree to observe the commotion.

Yet, Eddy hardly noticed. "Christ! Am I the only one that works around here?"

Once Edd had recovered from the impact of his fall, it took him half an hour to procure the necessary helmet and safety padding before attempting to attach the sign again. Mercifully, that rickety old ladder chose to hold still long enough for Edd to nail the sign to its spot.

Once Eddy was crispy enough, he put his tanning equipment away and slipped back on his bowler shirt just in time to see Edd gingerly climbing down the ladder. "Took ya' long enough!" He spat then missed Edd's wide, twitching glare to admire the stand.

"Thing's a beaut, Double D" Eddy complimented.

"Why, thank you Eddy!" If only Eddy noticed the trembling and grating in Edd's voice, "And to think it only took two hours, forty-three minutes, several scrapes and bruises and a concussion!"

Eddy suddenly glanced about the cul-de-sac. "The hell's takin' Ed so long?"

"Well, I certainly hope he didn't ge- ACK!"

The manhole cover besides Edd's foot popped up, sending the boy jumping into Eddy's arms... Right before Eddy dropped him on his butt. With said manhole cover sitting atop his head, Ed poked his head from the sewers and hastily scanned his surroundings. Edd could've sworn Ed looked frightened before he smiled and blathered,"HELLO!"

"Yes, hello, Ed." Edd wearily returned.

"'Bout time you got back!" Eddy groused, "We're gonna start the auditions! Did ya' put up all the signs?"

Climbing out of the sewers, with the manhole cover now acting as a hat, Ed gave a thumbs up. "I put'em anywhere 'n everywhere, Eddy! Just like ya' said!"

Picking himself up and rubbing the sting from his coccyx, Edd shot a glance at Ed's unusual point of ingress. Hopefully Ed's confirmation didn't mean the sewers were now covered with fliers. Matter of fact, "Ed, why pray tell were you in the sewers in the first place?"

Taken aback, Ed suddenly glanced over the hole in the street then whipped his head about. Snapping his fingers, the big oaf promptly yanked what looked like a trash can from his coat and plugged it into the manhole.

"There, my tracks are covered!" Ed turned to answer the obvious question,

When Eddy suddenly cut in front of him, "C'mon! We're burnin' daylight here!"

Thus, the Eds took their place behind the stand and waited.

Waited.

Waited.

And wai-

"C'MON ALREADY!" Eddy's voice blasted the silence and sent a flock of birds scrambling for the skies. " WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYONE?!"

"Eddy, it's only been two minutes." Edd pointed out.

"ARGH! It's like watchin' paint dry!" Eddy growled.

"Oh, this is just like when I watch the gravy in my tub ferment, Eddy!" Ed chimed in.

That earned a sideways glance from the other two Eds. It took Edd a considerable amount of effort to force his breakfast grapefruit to stay put with the way his stomach wreathed at the thought. "Thank you for sharing that, Ed." He managed, then turned to Eddy's scowling, "Now, Eddy, patience is a virtue! But, might I suggest we go speak to the Ur-"

"SOMEBODY'S COMIN'!" Eddy announced and his pointing directed the Eds' eyes to Kevin's garage door opening. Could Edd please be allowed a complete statement today?

Strangely, Eddy's excitement blinded him to the fact that the gait riding up to them on his bike belonged to his next door neighbor, neighborhood jock, and lifelong nemesis. When Kevin Barr did in fact skid to a stop and kick his kickstand down, that fact slapped Eddy upside his head and a sneer formed to match Kevin's.

"Oh, it's you!" Eddy spat.

"Hi, Kevin!" Ed greeted.

Kevin's sneer only had eyes for Eddy, "Alright, what scam are you dorks runnin' this time?!" He demanded. From his pocket, Kevin yanked out a crumpled copy of the Eds' flier. "I found this littered all over my lawn!"

"Well, before anything, Kevin, I would like to apologize for Ed's advertising methods. Now, addressing your concerns, I can assure you this venture is perfectly legitimate -as are most of them are, admittedly-. We're preparing for an adventure, of which we intend to publish an autobiography about. However, we require some extra participants, hence we're holding auditions to determine who would come with us!" Edd explained, then threw on a smile he hoped would convince Kevin.

The jock in question rested his chin over his hand. Between the sign, the flyer in hand, and the smiling, nervously smiling, and sneering Eds, he test the thought in his mind. "... So, if I make this audition; you dorks'll write a book about me?"

"Well, not strictly about one parti-"

"In yer dreams, Kev!" Eddy snapped over Edd, "These auditions are open only to the most elite, hardcore baddasses around! Besides, who the hell would wanna read a book about you?" With his sneer cracking into a smirk, Eddy shook to contain his laughter.

"Oh, like you Jackass rejects are so noteworthy?!" Kevin spat, "I'd pretty much carry this "Adventure" of yours! For one, I'm better lookin'..."

"Better lookin' than Ed, maybe!" Eddy cut in.

Kevin's ranting tripped over itself. In the brief silence, his sneering sharpened into a glare that cut Eddy's snorting to a halt. "... Anyway...! I got the best chance of getting' with Nazz..."

"Not even in yer dreams, Kev!" Eddy broke into a full laugh that bent him over and smacked his head into the stand's counter top.

Despite Eddy smacking himself to silence, Edd couldn't help noticing the fury staining Kevin's skin red, and his teeth gnashing with enough pressure to make a diamond. Edd had been dragged into this situation enough times to know Eddy mustn't anger him again, lest the Eds be served a knuckle sandwich each.

"As. I. Was. Saying...!" Kevin seethed then settled. "... Besides all that, I got wicked BMXin' skills, which also landed me the record for the longest skid mark!" He let that last one hang in the air, letting just a little of his glowering show. The whole time, Kevin's eyes focused on Eddy, watching, begging him to laugh, to quip something smart, any excuse to use the little loudmouth for a punching bag.

And all parties could see Eddy fighting it. Wavering eyes meeting Kevin's and the beads of sweat running down his sun-scorched skin. Eddy wrestled with hips to be still as they twisted and turned in protest. Finally, Eddy's face straightened and Edd released a baited breath.

"Whew." The sock-hatted one turned to address Kevin, "Now, Kev-"

"More like longest skidmark on yer underwear!" Eddy was so close. So close!

"Burn!" Ed added.

And so the last straw broke and Kevin hopped off his bike to stomp a B-line for the Eds. "That's it! I'mma make a skidmark outta you, Dork!" He barked.

Now, Eddy regretted his mockery. But, despite an exit literally right next to him, Eddy could only watch Kevin advance as if caught between a rock and a hard place. "W-Wait a sec, Kev...!" And fear choked the rest of Eddy's pleas from him.

"Look out, Kevin! Eddy's a quadruple black belt in Whupass!" Ed cautioned.

"Not helping, Ed!" Edd cried.

"I'll give ya' a double black eye in getting yer ass whupped!" Kevin snapped.

He was almost there. Eddy should run. He wanted to run. But, damn his legs for taking the instinct for flight as a command to quake impotently. The jock with a fist reserved for Eddy's face was at the counter, cocking back a haymaker. Eddy squeezed his eyes shut.

"Kevin, wait!" Edd cried.

Nothing. No familiar agony of fist merging with Eddy's face. As Eddy eased his eyes back open, he saw Kevin holding his pose, eyes on Edd who bargained for Eddy's well being, "Perhaps a non-violent display of your "wicked BMXin' skills" would be more appropriate?"

When Kevin's light green eyes flicked to Eddy, the shorter boy flinched. Looking back to Edd, the jock settled for folding his arms over his chest.

"Whatcha got in mind?"

Finally, Eddy could breathe again.

"Kevin, you forgot to beat up Eddy!" Ed pointed out.

Ignoring protests and rants from Eddy, Ed and Edd displaced their stand from the middle of the street, to the curb in front of Jimmy's house. The following hour and a half had been spent assisting Kevin in collecting, then working another pile of plywood into a serviceable ramp set in front of Ed's house. Left to stand alone at the stand, Eddy followed his friend and mortal enemy's work with a glare that made the sun jealous.

Occasionally one would say something that actually coaxed a laugh from the other. What were they laughing about? Was it about Eddy? Of course, in Eddy's paranoid mind, Kevin was the benefactor of all of Eddy's setbacks; it would only be natural for that asshole jock to try to turn the brains of his trio to his side.

The presence of the ramp, and the commotion its construction caused managed to beckon the attention of Ed's little hell spawn, Sarah Hill, and the cul-de-sac sweetheart, Nazz Van Bartonschmeer. For a moment, the fact Rolf, Jimmy and Jonny were absent was odd, until someone remembered they were holding an Urban Rangers meeting.

For the occasion, Nazz and Sarah dusted off their Peach Creek Cobblers cheerleading uniforms, complete with pom pomps and a stereo blasting some crappy pop song Eddy couldn't be hassled to remember. Nazz held Eddy's eyes, dragging his attention where ever she pranced and jumped and cheered. Every jump birthed the hope Nazz's skirt would flutter high enough to make this farce worth his time.

The fifth time Eddy's hopes were dashed, his gaze broke away to Kevin, perched on his bike on Jonny's driveway, strapping on his trusted -if rarely used- red and flame decorated bike helmet.

When Edd finally appeared beside him at the stand, Eddy's ire fell to him. "Done helpin' the enemy, Double Crosser?" He seethed.

"Oh, Eddy, get over yourself!" Edd shot back, "By assisting Kevin, not only did the set up take less time, but it also presented an opportunity to get use-"

"Oh, can it, Sockhead!" Eddy snapped. Even looking right at him, he failed to notice to darkening expression Edd's face took. "'N what's with the cheerin' section anyway?! What makes this bazooka chinned bastard so special?!"

Edd rolled his eyes with a huff. "You know, Eddy. Something like this takes a considerable amount of courage and effort! You ought to show a little more appreciation!"

"What, this?!" Eddy shot back, gesturing to the ramp, "I can do this with my hands tied behind my back on a unicycle!

"Just like the time ya' lost your voice!" Ed chimed in, "Right, Eddy?"

"You wish you had the balls for this, dork!" Kevin shouted across the street.

Blue eyes batting between his fellow Eds, then the spectacle across from them, Eddy finally huffed a sigh of defeat, "I'm gonna get a Coke!" He announced, "Lemme know when Evel Kneivel over there's done snuffin' it!"

"Will do, Eddy!" Ed saluted.

Eddy managed two struts towards his house before Edd cried after him, "Eddy! Don't walk in front of the ramp!"

When Eddy did stop, Kevin had already squeezed the brakes shut and pedaled with all his might, kicking dust and the stench of burning rubber into the air. Looking back at Edd, Eddy waved him off then continued strutting. It was the exact moment Kevin released the breaks and peeled out into a streak that turned Eddy into a skidmark.

Every bulging, unblinking eye watched the collision flip Kevin over and his momentum drag his face up the ramp, before flinging him over Ed's house. A sigh of relief blew out of Sarah as Kevin cleared her backyard. Instead, the jock flipped end over end until gravity tugged him into the baking, unyielding asphalt in the construction sight. The next moment, his faithful bike landed atop of him in a heap of broken limbs and twisted metal.

"Ouch, dude!" Kevin wheezed.

Back in the cul-de-sac, the onlookers didn't see, but felt Kevin's crash.

Amidst the cringing, Edd said, "Oh, dear! Well, thankfully I always keep an emergency first-aid kit in the event of-"

KA-BOOM

The impossibility punched Edd's gut. Kevin's bike just exploded? Why did Kevin's bike explode? After all, it isn't gas powered in an-

"OH MY GOD! KEVIN!" Nazz screeched. Pompoms discarded and forgotten, the blonde made a mad dash for the construction sight, a pillar of black smoke marking Kevin's location.

Of course! Assess now, agonize later. Thankfully, Edd also kept an emergency fire extinguisher for such situations. With it in hand, Edd fell behind Nazz, chanting "Notgoodnotgoodnotgood!" All the way.

Suddenly Sarah snapped out of her trance and followed suit. "Holy shit!" she cried.

Now it was Ed's turn to run. "Sarah!" he shouted after his sister, "Watch your language!"

Alone and in great pain, Eddy had little to do, but stare off into space.

"Why is my life pain?"

Once Kevin's injuries were properly treated and the EMTs loaded him, and a worrying Nazz unto the back of an ambulance, Edd was left to tend to Eddy's medical needs before Kevin's ramp had to be dismantled and the Eds' auditioning stand returned to taking up the middle of the street. When this task finished, the clear skies glowed a waning orange as the day slowly burned out.

With Ed beside him, taking another crack at his teeth counting record, Edd used the lingering silence to contemplate the day's events. That letter of invitation sitting in his pocket still teased his thoughts. Now that he had time to think about it, that letter's promises seem-

"Stupid asshole Kevin 'n his stupid asshole bike jump!" Eddy grumbled. When he joined the other Eds at the stand, his bowler shirt had to be replaced and a fresh strip of road rash ran from his forehead to far below the confines of his clothes.

Edd shook his head. "Serves you right, Eddy!" He admonished, "This should serve as a lesson about observin-"

"Oh shut up!" Eddy barked. "Let's get to our next audition!" And his glowering lightened into a grin, "I'll bet it's Nazz! I know she just can't wait to go on an adventure with me!"

"Eddy, Nazz went with Kevin to the hospital." Edd interjected.

Eddy's head nearly twisted off, it turned to Edd so fast. "What?!" He gasped, "Then who the hell are we gonna audition next?! Sarah?!"

"Sarah bad for Ed!" Ed whined.

"Or..." Edd made sure he had Eddy's attention, "... Perhaps we can go speak to the Urban Rangers, now?"

Eddy's wide eyes and aghast mouth was answer enough. But, non-verbal cues were not Eddy's style, "What, those badge-hoardin' good-for-nothin's?!

"I've failed to see why we shouldn't, Eddy!" Edd insisted, "After all, with their skill sets, they would be uniquely qualified for an endeavor such as this!"

"Oh, like that one time you went to them for help gettin' Ed back from the Kankers 'n they botched it?!" Eddy countered.

"Oh, he's gotcha there, Double D." Ed nodded.

True, but Edd's counter was right beside him, "Well, in their defense, Eddy. The rangers' tactics would have succeeded if not for Ed's blustering, exposing their attempts to The Kankers in the first place!"

For a moment, Eddy's gaze shot over to Ed, who offered a shrug. "Yep, sounds like me alright!"

Eddy's lip caught between clenched teeth. Edd had him, perhaps the short one would see reason and-

"Yeah? Gimme one good reason why we should invite'em!"

Three good reasons appeared several paces from the stand. With their attention fixed on one another, Edd and Eddy couldn't see them. And the sight of them rendered Ed mute with fright.

"Hiya, boys!" They chorused.

Chills slithered up each Ed's spine and lanced across their limbs. They knew that chorus. The end times had come. Their plan went on spoken. Don't move. Don't even breathe. No sudden moves. Just

"RUN AWAY!"

Stand abandoned, the Eds only managed four paces before something pounced on them and this sticky thing pressed them to the street and then into a bundle. All forward moment died, gradually becoming backward momentum as they were reeled in. It took the Eds until they were dragged to The Kanker Sisters' feet to realize they were in a net, and the nightmare trio steadied a long fishing pole they used to reel them in.

"Seems like we got the catch of the day!" Laughed Lee Kanker

Resentment pushed fear's grip for Eddy's throat, "What the hell're you doin' here?!" He demanded.

"We came to answer your invite!" Marie answered.

Each Kanker produced a familiar sheet of paper; their flyer for the auditions.

The implication clubbed Eddy over the head. He strained to turn his head, his ire on a quaking Ed. "Why the hell did you put fliers up in the trailer park?!"

"But ya' said to put'em anywhere 'n everywhere, Eddy!"

And that implication punched Eddy in the chest. At least that explained Ed's strange entrance earlier. Of course, only Edd noticed they were being moved again. Through the netting, Edd watched as the entrance to the forest loom to welcome them.

The Kankers intended to drag this out.

The approaching dusk set the forest into a contrast of light and shadows. Since they arrived, the Urban Rangers had been scouting, planning and waiting. Hidden among the trees, Rolf Kelamis, leader of the Urban Rangers, son of a shepherd, scanned the wilderness through a spyglass. Teeth, green from his motherland's delicacies, gnashed and ground at each other as he did his umpteenth sweep.

"See anything, Rolf?" Hissed Ranger Jonny "Two-by-four" Grove behind him. "Plank's got nothin' either."

"The forest remains as empty as Rolf's great-nano's eye socket!" Rolf hissed back.

"Um, gentlemen?" Peeped Ranger Jimmy Christensen from below. Looking down and across, the other rangers found him blending into a bush that shivered with him. "Are you sure that intel was good? We've been out here for hours and my-"

"Enough, Ranger Jimmy!" Rolf grunting might as well have been a shout.

Both rangers promptly lost their voice. Rolf had always been strict, intense. But, none of them had ever seen him so on edge before. When the rains stopped and the Urban Ranger's meeting moved back to Rolf's farm, they were greeted by a man in a brown coat. The thought of that mysterious British gentleman brought a smile to Jimmy's face, before a rustle whisked them away.

Up in his tree, Rolf spied their prey; the dreaded Kanker Sisters laughing to themselves with the lead, Lee, knocking a fishing pole to her shoulder. The moment those scourges from the trailer park appeared, Rolf's mind went back to that man and their exchange.

"... So, why should we do this?" Rolf asked.

The man smiled, leaning in to whisper, "What if I told you that you'd have another chance at that pewter medallion? What if, by doing this, you'd not only get redemption, but a chance to become Runesalvie?"

Rolf reeled back and the stranger in the brown coat smiled, leering. That name carried a terrible weight. The elders of his villages would sometimes speak of them in hushed tones. Alas, the Runesalvie were gone. Their hermitage in shambles, their tongues dead, their legacy only myth and speculation. Who was this stranger to speak as if that which had been lost was simply found in a cupboard? This was a trick, a rouse to rival those damned Ed-boys! Even as it tugged at Rolf's heart so!

"Do you take Rolf to be a Merry Andrew, “Time Lord”?!" Rolf snapped.

Still smiling, still collected and sure, the stranger paced about Rolf. "I was told much about you Rolf Kelamis; Son of a Shepherd! They say you're wise, possessing the spine of an ox and nerves of steel! They say you are a born leader, a man that can not deny a challenge! Oh, you're many things Rolf Kelamis; a Merry Andrew is not one of them!" His pacing brought him beside Rolf, face a breath from the boy's ear.

"Were they wrong about you?"

"Look! Eds at Eleven ‘O Clock!" Jonny whispered.

Snapping from his trance, Rolf jammed the spyglass to his eye and made The Eds trapped in a net covered in some substance and being dragged behind the Kankers by some witchery. It took Rolf's mind a moment to register the line connecting the poor sod's bonds to a fishing pole Lee hefted. Rolf lowered the spyglass with sweating palms. So sweaty, the instrument nearly slipped from his grasp.

This was a jest. It has to be! The so-called “Time Lord” is in league with those trailer park witches; tempting Rolf with sweet promises of redemption and legend! A lure to drag the proud rangers to more demise and disgrace! They should turn back. They should flee and... And...

"Were they wrong about you?"

No

This isn't fear. The sweating, the quaking, Rolf's heart pounding in his ears and his guts dancing isn't fear

"Take your positions!" Rolf hissed to his subordinates. He barely finished before they slipped away.

Rolf was alone.

This isn't fear. This is Rolf's body stoking the flames of his fury. Grasping his weapon, Rolf too slipped away, the forest covering his transit.

"Laugh while you can Kanker witches. For retribution is at hand!"

The Dwindling distance to the Park 'n Flush trailer park had ignited the Eds' panic. As Ed and Eddy strained fruitlessly against their bindings.

"NNNGH! What's this shit made of?!" Eddy grunted!

"It's enchanted with the power of the dark side, Eddy!" Ed strained.

"Nope! This fishin' net's coated with out special Kanker rubber cement!" Lee said

Despite it all, a sardonic smirk crossed Edd's lips. At least they were consistent. Still,

"Ladies, please! We were in the middle of auditions!"

For the first time since their appearance, the Kankers actually looked at the fliers. Then broke into laughter.

"Ha! Can you imagine these wimps tryin' to go on an adventure?" Lee said.

"I know right? 'N then tryin' to make a book out of it?" Marie added, "Hey, how about the time Oven-mit over there got his ass kicked by the queer kid?"

Oh, Marie. Always cutting deep.

"Or that time we whupped their asses in that rasslin' match?" May added.

Another cut.

"Oh, and the time we wreck their little cruise and took their first kiss?" Lee added

How could they?

“And the time we wreck their gay little cowboy game?”

Stop it

“... Or the time we locked them in the basement ‘n played footsies?”

Please

"And the time we tricked them into coming to our wedding?" Marie said

No more!

"And let's not forget when we made'em pull our wagon to our honeymoon!" Lee laughed, "Now, if that ain't love; I dunno what is!"

All of it, the traumas, remembered agonies, the nights Edd would wake in cold sweats, paranoia making him see these sisters where they weren't there. Nerves rattling and his breaths scarce, Edd curled into a ball. Trying to shut out the laughing, trying to push the painful memories from his mind. Just wanting some peace.

"Hey, here's a book people'll actually wanna read...!" Lee suddenly suggested.

Ed and Eddy's thrashing stopped. What little breath Edd had pushed out of him.

"I can see it now! After another one of their stupid ideas fail; Ed, Edd 'n Eddy-"

"Ha! She said it!" Ed giggled, until Lee beaned him with a tire iron.

"As I was sayin'...!" Lee growled, it took her another stroke of that single chin hair to find her spot, "Oh, yeah...! Ed, Edd 'n Eddy are whisked away by their lovely wives and taken on a dirty, raunchy, homoerotic journey to discover their inner bottom bitch!"

"Oh, I like that one!" Laughed May.

"We'll call it, "Fifty Shades of Ed"!" Lee finished.

When the three Kankers turned, the Eds were met with a slight twinkle in their hooded eyes, a slight trickle (or in May's case, a cascade) of drool rolling off the corner of their lips before their tongue washed over them. They feared that look since the first time they saw it.

"Looks like you get to have your adventure after all, boys!" Marie purred.

Fear had a way of delaying proper responses. For the several paces the Eds were dragged, the implication hung over their heads, waiting. In time, the trailer park gradually faded into the horizon, and now implication struck the wind from each Ed.

"OH FUCK NO!" Eddy screamed.

And with that strike, desperation blazed and the Eds thrashed and kicked and clawed and screamed with all the futile power that desperation granted.

"BAD TOUCH! FIFTY SHADES OF BAD FOR ED!" Ed blared

"NOT LIKE THIS! ANYTHING BUT THIS!" Edd cried. "HELP! SOMEONE! ANYONE!"

Seeing this, the Kankers cackled again. "Oh, I just love watchin'em squirm!" Lee laughed.

And then they stopped.

For all their kicking and screaming, the Eds didn't notice the rest in action until a trash can, courtesy of Marie, bounced off their heads. When The Eds did stop, they followed the Kanker's gaze to something standing in the brush of the forest.

"What's that?" May finally asked.

"It's a statue, dumbass!" Marie answered.

"Hey, y'know who that looks like?" Lee wondered, "That weird Indian guy! What's his name?"

"Hiya, Rolf!" Ed greeted.

Focusing passed the net, Edd could indeed see the statue took the likeness of Rolf. Dressed in his Urban Rangers uniform with arms pressed to his sides, the statue cast a scornful glare towards the Kankers staring at it. Edd couldn't tell, with this net in the way, but he could swear there was something in the statue's hand.

"I think it's starin' at us!" May said.

Before Lee cracked her palm upside her head. "Statues don't stare, retard!"

"That's why they're statues!" Marie added.

"Now c'mon!" Lee ordered, "Our husbands have some husbandly duties to fulfill!"

The moment The Kankers took their attention away from the statue...

"SHAKLAVAH!"

They turned and the statue was on Lee, clubbing her over the face with a fish. As she stumbled back,

"GERONIMO!"

Above Marie a blur of blue and yellow descended from the trees and pounced on her, while something spun into May's face.

With the net, the poor vantage and the chaos of limbs, The Eds could hardly see what was happening. It didn't help when a familiar blue vest over a yellow T-shirt appeared in front of them.

"Outta the way, Jimmy! I can'-" Eddy stopped. "Jimmy? Is that really you?!"

"Hold still, fellas!" Jimmy hissed and from a backpack, he produced a pair of hedge clippers. Breath and hope bloomed in their chests. Here were the Urban Rangers, coming to save them! However, Jimmy found himself struggling. Even with his whole body on the lever, the clippers stuck into the line.

"Jimmy!" Edd called to him, "The Kankers treated this net with their rubber cement! You need to use Acetone to dissolve it!"

Jimmy blinked. "Acetone?"

"The honor of the Urban Rangers shall be avenged Kanker witch!" Rolf roared behind them.

Edd bit his lip, having enough view to see Lee catch Rolf's mackerel then use is to throw him against a tree. With a wheez, Rolf crumbled to the ground. Hurry up, Eddward! Edd wracked his brain: Various cleaning products had that crucial formula; Laundry detergent, a particle board, paint remover, fingernail polish remov- That was it!

"Jimmy, have you any nail polish remover?" Edd urged.

"What?!" Eddy snapped behind him.

"This is no time for a makeover, Double D!" Jimmy strained, those hedge clippers still weren't clipping.

"No! Nail polish remover contains acetone, which should dissolve the rubber cement!" Edd hastily explained.

"Hey, get this thing off me!"

Every eye turned to see May's wrestling match with a hunk of wood go to the ground. Rolling about, May could only keep Plank at arms' length in the brief moments she was prone. The whole time, cold crayoned eyes stared, smiling. Always smiling.

The chaos stopped for a moment.

"Really, May?" Marie sighed.

The fighting resumed. Meanwhile, Jimmy fished out a bottle of nail polish remover, nearly fumbled with it, then dumped its contents over the net. As Edd predicted, the formula already began its work and Jimmy's clippers bit then severed the bonds. The three Eds dug their way from the net, Eddy pushing Edd aside before Ed grabbed the sock-hatted one on his way out.

"FREEDOM!" Ed cheered

Finally able to see the fight proper; they could see Lee charging at Rolf while the farmer pushed himself to sit crossed legged. With a roar, Lee hefted the fish up and swung down all of her force right into...  Rolf's feet?

"What th-" Lee barely had time to be shocked.

Rolf rolled back, allowing the force of Lee's strike to yank her into the tree supporting his posture. A subtle CRUNCH carried over to the Eds, who winced. When Lee stumbled back on unstable legs, the onlookers could make out a splatter of blood where Lee's face kissed the tree.

At the same time, Marie had caught Jonny in a headlock. Yet, the nature-lover took to pounding into her mid-section the moment her arms circled his neck. Wincing and gritting her teeth, Marie struggled through the blows until one of them sunk into her lower abdomen.

Edd, despite everything, nearly shared her pain. Did Jonny know he just struck her ovaries? Regardless, Marie's hold slacked and the boy spun behind her, locking arms against that same spot (perhaps he does) then bent backwards, lifting the gasping, groaning Marie up, back and suplexed her head into the soil.

May finally had the presence of mind to simply throw Plank away. Yet, having thrown the aspiring floorboard sideways; Plank simply made a U-Turn and the edge of his head clocked May across the temple. She stumbled, teetering towards Marie who finally yanked her head from the ground, and fell on her, shoving it back in.

Lee, with her hand staining red from covering a broken nose recovered, only then registered Rolf stalking her.

"Why you no good, dirty, motherfu-"

Her cocked fist left her open, and Rolf simply swung the mackerel up into her chin. A thick SPLAT confirmed his counter, with Lee sent floating backward. Despite having May's weight on her, Marie's head emerged from the earth a second time. Then Lee joined the Kanker pile and Marie was made to continue her ostrich impression.

The dust settled. Jonny caught Plank as he flew back to his lifelong friend and Rolf flicked the dirt from his weapon. They all took a moment, looking at the crumbled pile of limbs that once had been the bane of their existence.

"Holy shit! They did it!" Eddy wasn't sure he believed his own words.

"NO RAPE FOR ED!" Ed cheered

"Yes, the honor of the Urban Rangers has b-"

Marie's head plucked from the earth. Her sisters stirred back to consciousness. One by one, the sisters rose. Marie shook her head, and the dirt from her blue mane. Lee set her bloody nose straight, not even wincing as it popped into place. May sprung to her feet and menaced a tree behind her sisters. Marie back handed her and she turned.

“And they’re getting back up.” Jonny said.

The Kankers took a step forward. 

“Time for Phase Two.” Rolf nodded

Phase Two? The Eds turned wide, dilating eyes on their rescuers... And watched them sprint in the opposite direction. Aren't they going to...

"Quick!" Jimmy urged from behind them, "Come with us if you wanna live!"

No one had to tell The Eds twice. With hell hot on their heels, fear became fuel and fatigue was a myth. They didn't look back. They must never look back. To look back was to invite capture. To look back was to resign yourself to a fate that made death seem like a vacation.

Okay, perhaps one look wouldn't...

"GOOD LORD!" Marie was barely a breath away from snatching Edd's hat. "STEP ON IT FELLOWS! THEY'RE GAINING!"

Suddenly, Rolf whistled and ahead of him, his goat, Victor, his pig, Wilfred, and his cow... His cow burst out from the brush parallel to the runners and fell in beside them. With a hop, Jonny and Rolf mounted Victor and Wilfred with a practiced easy.

When Jimmy prepared the same, a rock stubbed his toe and inertia planted his face in the dirt. His desperate flailing managed to catch the cow's tail, leaving the wailing, crying sod to be dragged against the dirt. Every once in a while he was flipped and turned and the trees carried his cries across the forest.

"Hold on, Jimmy!" Jonny shouted.

"Turkey Eyes Ed-Boy!" Rolf addressed Ed, "Throw your companions to us! Quickly!"

"But what of Jimmy, Rol-"

Edd, along with Eddy were quickly collected in each of Ed's hands before they were thrown flailing and screaming towards the rangers. Jonny only had to hold up Plank for Edd to grab before he was flung unto Victor's back -who bleated a protest- behind him.

"Nice catch, buddy!" Jonny complimented Plank.

Plank just smiled.

Eddy's screams halted cold when Rolf's hand snatched his cowlicks from the air and slapped the boy over his shoulder. When the stars faded and his breathing reset, he stared down at Rolf's "steed".

"Why I gotta ride the pig?!"

Jimmy's cries snatched everyone's attention. With every rock, and uneven terrain and exposed root bumping him up, his grip slipped lower.

"Oh curse my dainty, baby smooth palms!" Jimmy cried.

"Do not let go, Ranger Jimmy!" Rolf shouted.

"Ed, do something!" Edd cried.

Ed's eyes sharpened. "MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE!"

Ed's sprint became a charge. Jimmy's grip slipped away, leaving the screaming boy to sprawl right into Ed's hands. Using the momentum of the catch, Ed then swung his arm and catapulted Jimmy in an arc, where he landed on his back over the cow's back.

He could barely feel May's fingers on his skin when he pitched forward unto all-fours and sped up behind, then under the cow.

"Moo?!" The cow, Jimmy and all, was suddenly hefted unto Ed's back piggy-back style. The bovine stared at the boy, then up at Jimmy. At least she didn't have to carry both of them.

"Ranger Jonny...!" Rolf shouted.

Jonny nodded then turned to Edd. "Take over, Double D!" He said then swung around to switched places with the sock-hatted boy.

Suddenly holding Plank in one hand and Victor's horn in the other, Edd's gaze frenzied about the goat. "Oh, dear! I'm driving without a license! How do I steer? Are there turning signals? Where are the brakes?!"

"Just keep'em steady, Double D!" Jonny instructed and twisted at the waist to face the Kankers.

"YER NOT GETTIN' AWAY YOU HOMEWRECKERS!" Shrieked Lee

The angry, battered and bloody hags-in-training were still three paces back. Jonny shook his head; they just don't know when to quit.

"GET BACK HERE WITH OUR HUSBANDS!" Demanded Marie.

Jonny took a trio of acorns and a slingshot from a vest pocket, bit the stems off then knocked them in the sling and drew it back.

"'N GIMME BACK MUH BACK-SCRATCHER!" May screeched.

"Scratch this!" Jonny spat.

The acorns landed in each Kanker's mouth and went down to their throats. Their pursuit tripped over itself, the Kankers clutching their throats, gagging. Lee tried to force herself up before the three of them each vomited up a tree that shoved them up into the treeline before branches and leaves bloomed, and pushed them off and back to the earth.

The Eds and Urban Rangers were too far away to hear the resounding BOOM their impact made, and the wheezes rushing out of them when the impact stole their breaths. Silence settled and as twilight cast the forest into shadows. Yet, Lee's eyes burned like the morning sun. With a roar she hefted her sisters on her shoulders and dumped them aside, then charged face first into the tree.

With Lee nursing her crushed nose, her sisters took note of the new trees blocking their progress.

"Hey, these trees are in the way!" May complained.

"No shit, Einstein!" Marie spat.

"C'mon! We'll go the other way and cut'em off at the pass!" Lee barked. And her sisters fell in behind her berserker's pace, blood flying from her destroyed nose.

SNAP

May stopped. Then her sisters stopped and marched right up to her.

"What the hell, May?!" Marie demanded.

If the two had only looked down, they would noticed the severed rope at May's foot. Instead, a eerie creak brought their attention west as a log swung into their faces and brought the stars to their eyes. Grunting and yelling, the Kankers sprawled across bushes and branches then down a hill, until finally a hole swallowed them.

In a pile, yet again, Lee once again forced herself to her feet and her sisters tumbling to the ground. Her head whipped about to observe darkness, whisking blood this way and that. Thankfully this hole was in a clearing and the moon and stars greeted them from the heavens. It would serve as a beacon, one that would direct Lee and her sisters out of this hole and lead them to their new prey. If her rabid clawing could get her out of the hole instead of tossing dirt about.

Annoyed, but fatigued, May and Marie gave their surroundings a more detailed look. For instance, the moon highlighted a small, solitary creature who watched the sisters with a hollow gaze.

"Hey look! A possum!" May pointed out.

Marie looked at the creature who canted its head, staring at them still. From the light, she made out a body of mottled grays, and a white face striped black. She turned a flat stare at her sister then slapped the blonde idiot upside her head. "You idiot! That's a-"

"WHO CARES ABOUT SOME STUPID SKUNK?!" Lee should have turned around. Should have seen the "Skunk" get taken aback by her shouting then snarl, its mouth frothing with bubbling outrage. "... We need to get outta this hole 'n hunt down those husband steal- AAAAH!"

And a furry torpedo sunk its foam-saturated jaws into her neck.

Author's note: And now for a little game.

1: You notice on a phone that the digits also have letters attached to them. Sometimes they're used to dial a word. What word does the phone number in the letter spell?

2. What animal is currently mauling the Kanker Sisters?

Whoever can guess these correctly will get a cookie!

#ed edd n eddy #viktor & rolf #Jimmy #jonny 2x4 #Plank #kanker sisters #Kevin #Not KevEdd #not yaoi #demetori #john wick #rolf #eene fanfiction #eene eddy #eene double d #double d #eene ed