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fumifooms · 23 days

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Falin who cares too much and too little - analysis

Been stewing on Falin thoughts for a while, I know I have an interpetation on her that differs from many but I’m jumping into the fray. I think there’s a lot to be said about what we do see of Falin. This shorter Falin analysis I made is heavily encouraged prior reading. This analysis mainly explores her complex relationship with caring and so it’s sort of structured in two halves, with Faligon at the crux of it all.

Falin cares too little :

A lot of people assign Falin a people pleasing mindset and I… Don’t agree. We never see her care at all about people in her town or at the academy not liking her.

We do see her worrying about what people think of her… ONCE. And Laios comforted her, told her they didn’t matter and she should be proud of herself. She latched onto that hard. That’s why this scene was so important to be included during the dragon fight, relationship-defining; it’s always been them against the world. She grew to not care what others thought, to only focus on her close loved ones. No one else matters.

Laios’ words were her world. Her older brother who taught her how to feel comfortable with herself, who told her, you’re great, others are the ones in the wrong to not see that, I’ll always be with you, always be there for you. Older brother who always made great plans, who always knew more, who was better at wrestling to name the dogs, who she has always idolized. Laios who always spoke of traveling the world, to which she always said she wanted to follow. And she would, she’d follow him even if it meant leaving the academy and all she knew behind, she’d follow him to the ends of the world, and that’s what she did.

She didn’t care about showing to her classes or keeping up such appearances, she doesn’t even think of toning down her jumping into bushes when Marcille recoils, etc. She acts like an obedient pawn often, to her parent’s directives and then following Laios around no matter what he decides to do, but I don’t think the motivation is people pleasing, rather it’s being with & caring for her loved ones, and her go-with-the-flow attitude enhances the impression. Not that it’s as simple as that, mind you, but let’s talk about this for now.

Falin is perceived as selfless because we, the audience, have our perspectives revolving around the main people in her life (Laios, Marcille). They’re the ones she’s devoted to and people who care about her back a lot too, but to people like her classmates or the towspeople she probably must have seemed like someone who didn’t care about the people around her or her surroundings a lot, who just went on alone and did her own thing.

What matters to Falin? From what place does her kindness come from? Is a part of her keeping up appearances? And I think that’s the point, the horror of Faligon as well, that we can’t tell just how in control Falin the person is as the chimera (because we are shown that she’s in there, we just don’t know at what degree), that we don’t know her enough to be able to tell when she’s at her most genuine, her most raw. That even if you do settle on none of her being present as Faligon, we have to at least consider it, consider that she may be able to do something like this and have a part in it, brutal and uncaring. That even the lenses we see her through, the people who love her, may be unreliable.

And this is what’s very interesting about her too, she truly is so idealized by people around her as a saint. She’s so good and kind and caring to everyone etc etc etc. Laios, Toshiro and Marcille all see her as the paragon of goodness in the world. More cynical characters like Namari and Chilchuck have more layered opinions on her, the latter finding her somewhat unnerving because he can’t read her well. But then with that one flashback scene we see that… Her priorities are intensely focused on Laios and Marcille, she doesn’t care all that deeply about anyone other than them (+ maybe her parents). The rest of the party is in the same danger here but only Laios and Marcille who she’s speaking to get the special ,ention, and if they don’t cross her mind then of course she’d be ready to sacrifice strangers through a risky teleportation. That doesn’t make her not kind or caring!! Just that greater good isn’t exactly her priority. Any means is alright if the end result is her loved ones safe, it usually takes the form of healing and caring, but we see she’s ready to fight and make dangerous calls too. To me there’s this aspect to her that she isn’t as pure and magnanimous as everyone thinks she is, both in-world and interestingly enough meta wise as well, and there’s something interesting to that.

People pleasing implies a need to be liked, needs for the motivation to be that. A yes-man, etc. But if we analyze Falin, her general kind, smiling demeanor is more a matter of passivity I yhonk. Conflict avoidance is easier, so she’s friendly and hopefully things’ll be smooth sailing. It’s easy to be kind to classmates even if they act wary and rude if you don’t care about what they think either way. Of course she prefers good things happening to people over bad things, she is genuinely kind, but I think people tend to assign her a very grand altruistic way of life when to her the motivation is pretty self-centered. She doesn’t do what she does because she loves them, but because she loves them.

One situation that’s interesting to dig into for her way of thinking, and what I’m trying to get at, is Shuro’s proposal to her. I’ve seen people saying she hesitated because she didn’t feel comfortable saying no even though she wanted to, "I can’t say no, I don’t want to hurt him", something that sounds sensible and familiar, but it’s actually canon in the Adventurer’s Bible that the reverse was the case, that she didn’t feel comfortable saying yes. Because the offer was tempting, but it’d have been a loveless agreement on her end. And it makes sense she’d want to say yes too, like we see with the Toudens, marriage is very much a political strategical economical thing in their village, there’s even a bit on it on Laios’ Adventurer’s Bible profile about dowries, and both siblings were engaged very early. They lived poorly for a long time, it’s an enticing idea to marry rich, to have not only yours but your brother’s needs met forevermore easily, which at one point in their careers was their main worry and goal. Why shouldn’t she accept a life of leisure and wealth handed to her by a lovely friend?

So her hesitance was "yeah that’s convenient for me, but where it’s everything to him and heartfelt I’m able to be detached because I don’t care about it that much… Can I do that? I’m not reciprocating, not saying yes in the way that matters. Can I do that to him?" Very caring even though it’s not what you’d expect, isn’t it?

And central to my analysis, where I’m going with this is, I feel like that’s the thing with her character, that she doesn’t feel as strongly as she "should" sometimes, or feels a different way than she "should", or at least that she feels that way and others say she does. She didn’t mind suddenly leaving the academy, leaving Marcille behind and not seeing her for 4 years. She acted like it was no big deal that she sacrificed herself after getting resurrected after the red dragon fight. And in both those cases it upset the people around her greatly that she didn’t seem to get why it was such a big deal, didn’t seem to care about how they’d experienced her choices.

So it’s a tendency… And it’s not that she doesn’t care, it’s just that the way she measures what’s good for the ones she loves isn’t the same as what they themselves think it is (like Laios and Marcille not wanting to be apart from her). It’s an overt but quiet kind of care, it’s doing things like following them around and making sure they bathe and have a meal, even if that means she has to be dragged into misery too.

So yes she probably would know "not caring enough/the right way" is one of her perceived flaws, and that informs how she tries to handle her response to Shuro’s proposal. Her not wanting to accept like her first gut instinct, is because she’s thinking about reciprocity, about if it’d be right to go into this knowing that they have different priorities and she might not be able to keep up with the type and amount of emotions he wants/expects from her. And that’s a big part of her character isn’t it, having expectations pushed onto her. Her trying her best, but in her own way that may seem odd or even unfeeling. Not unlike when she exorcised the ghost as a kid too, unblinking and matter-of-factly, and not seeming to understand why people stared the way they did.

Even though she answered his proposal only post-canon, she’d been pondering it for a while even pre-canon and the Adventurer’s Bible explanation was released midstory, so I’m hesitant to assign her much growth about her hesitation and what I went on above, since she still didn’t react "right" with Laios after the red dragon fight (even if she apparently doesn’t remember sacrificing herself) and put herself in that situation in the first place. She hasn’t finished her arc on that flaw of hers is what I’m saying, she for sure still has it, but I certainly think her thoughts on Shuro’s proposal shows awareness, both of herself and social.

And awareness is a big analysis key word with Falin, especially here it can be hard not to conflate not caring with not knowing. How socially aware is she? It’s rather layered, because canonically she wasn’t aware of her ostracization in her hometown at all, and we’re not sure if she knew Shuro was interested in her before he proposed, but she generally seems more socially aware than Laios. She tags along on his caravan job to make sure he isn’t being mistreated (though doesn’t ask he get a salary), she catches social faux-pas more easily like in the genderbend magic mirror omake with Shuro, and interestingly enough she’s very good at empathizing with her parents and understanding their perspective. We see when she’s worried about Marcille coming that she does know about propriety and how appearances shape impressions. Being a chief’s daughter must at least have taught her a thing or two on that front.

She never stands up for herself, but when it comes to defending others she worries, strategizes and explains.

And this sort of understanding is part of why I think she’d notice the expectations pushed onto her like I was saying earlier, notice how she makes people feel when she’s careless. But if she changes anything about herself in response to noticing is for her to choose, and generally I think it’s a sort of inbetween of yes and no: that she becomes more complacent but also more reserved, complying but by hiding more of herself passively. She’s not sure wether to accept or reject Shuro’s proposal, doesn’t want to lead him on? She’ll just be taking a while to silently consider it, try to keep things as they are for the time being. The third, less conflicting option. She doesn’t feel heard by Marcille who keeps infantilizing her? Just bear with it. Retract yourself emotionally. Settle for it.

We see that when she was young she had a tendency to not read a room, and I think that’s here too. She doesn’t get why her nonchalance upset others but that doesn’t change that she doesn’t want them upset or hurt, so she tries, albeit in maybe a roundabout way. She always had a hard time deeply connecting with people, often keeping herself some amount of emotionally distant: erasing herself from the equation, from the two-way trade that relationships are and making it a onesided thing instead, where all their needs and emotions are directed towards her but she only lets out a bit of her own show. She takes everything upon her and deals with it and tries not to give others this same burden, though not on a conscious level, it’s just that she’s learned growing up that she doesn’t have much agency.

Like I went into with my analysis linked at the beginning, I think Falin is used to just taking what she can get and not asking for more, when it comes to social bonds. She’ll take spending time with her mother no matter what it is they do, she’ll follow Laios to the graveyards and stick by him even when he’s pushing her away (because he doesn’t want her borrowing his book or "No copying!" or such). Her father was always distant, cold and uncommunicative, her mother was considered sick from anxiety and the exorcism attempts were the main way they spent time together, at dinner tables there were only her and Laios. The dogs picked on her too even if she loved them— And so did the townspeople, maybe that being normal to her at home is why she didn’t notice the ostracization she suffered.

She’s always been the last to be asked about decisions or what she wants, never asked to play with at recess, neither her father or Laios asked before sending her to the academy or leaving the village. At home, in the hierarchy she was considered to be below the dogs by the dogs themselves, as someone they can disrespect. Dogs learn from example and behavior, so this means Falin must have been pushed around a lot, and that the family didn’t try hard to rectify the dogs’ misconception, likely worsened by Laios regularly wrestling with her as a competition.

So for example when Falin showed Marcille food, it was her way to implicitly ask to have lunch with her without voicing that question, without daring to take up space. Someone’s presence isn’t something you ask for, it’s something that’s bestowed upon you, you can follow them around but you can’t ask them to stay or to come with.

She’s used to her needs and wants not being listened to, so she’s learned to have less wants. Caring less about herself, caring less about other people beyond her safe zone, was a defense mechanism in part. She has a sense of learned helplessness too, like how when Marcille came to take her away from Laios, even though she didn’t want to leave with Marcille it felt so determined and unshakable to her that whatever Marcille decided Falin would have to comply with.

And still, it’s the "marrying you would be awfully convenient if it wasn’t that I’d feel guilty for not loving you back, the way you wanted me to when you proposed to me" and the "I don’t regret leaving the academy and leaving you behind without goodbyes but I’m sorry that you’re so much more upset about it than me". It’s the guilt of not loving people back the way they want to be, with the same intensity or fervor.

It’s the autism it’s the aroace of it all, it’s the emotional stunting and confusion but the pit in your stomach telling you you did something wrong again. The no object permanence even for people you love even for 4 years, it’s the feeling like you’re somehow at fault for someone having fallen for you and not knowing what to do with any of it. I’m not joking btw it isn’t uncommon for autistic people to not see their close friends for a long while, not having missed them all that much and for that to be really hurtful for the other if they notice/ask about it. "Hiii bestie! Oh umm you’re uh more emotional about this than I expected, hopefully you won’t feel alienated by me not feeling as intensely about it…"

So… Yeah. I think she thinks of things and relationships in a different way than most people, and beyond "good things happening to people is good" I don’t think she actually cares about people all that much. I’d argue that Laios shows more desire to connect with others and make relationships. And just like with Laios and his own issues with humans, that doesn’t mean her kindness is a lie or ungenuine or worthless! It just means that like, well it’s pretty straightforward really, she’s not all that social and doesn’t see casual bonds as meaning all that much and whatnot. She does want to see people happy, but it’s not as much like… A conviction or goal. She’s too laser focused on a select few people. "It’s not that they’re bad people, they just aren’t interested in humans."

And sometimes it feels like people get defensive about Falin in a meta way too, like if you ever so much as imply Marcille isn’t her whole world or that she isn’t the kindest soul out there then you’re saying she doesn’t care at all or she’s evil. And that’s actualy exactly the sort of vibe I wanted to get through with my analysis above here actually haha, that she does care and she is kind but it’s not in a way that’s quantified or understood in a way that makes people feel comfortable. In a way, that makes people feel insecure because they don’t have the same logic as her, don’t show love the same. And I think this is another stellar depiction of autism, of parts of it that feels unpalatable to many, if I’m making sense. The fandom idealizes her as well, which isn’t uncommon or surprising for the character embodying the trope of the perfect beloved to rescue.

And disclaimer, as I said in the tags I feel like the details of Falin are pretty vibe based when it comes to analysis, there’s absolutely a valid angle where she does super care about everyone always, feel free to disagree with me on the overarching angle of my analysis. There’s enough supporting evidence to tip the balance either way I think, and the reason I’ve chosen this angle is I feel it’s more compelling for the themes in Dunmeshi of idealization and being different, of desires vs wants, and because I think it neatly ties up Falin’s character arc as I’ll go over throughout the next section…

So.

Not feeling as much as she should. And……. Is this not Faligon pushed to the max?

You can’t tie down a dragon. As the chimera, she gets to just not care about everyone else and be on her merry way.

Part of it I think is finding comfort and freedom in the mindlessness, in not having the burden of feelings and connections and a consciousness (despite still ending up seeking those in a stranger, Thistle). Like when she’s dead in the purgatory as well, she gets to just… Hang around and do whatever. Similarly to when she played in the forest instead of going to class in her academy days. That’s what freedom and peace of mind looks like to her. Why she decides to roam post-canon, if only now with the goal to find herself instead, with her mind in tow and somewhere to go back home to.

There’s excellent analytic framing out there about how of course, Dungeon Meshi has a big theme of grief and letting go, and… Falin was always a symbol narratively, idealized by characters and often underconsidered by them despite their love. It was Falin’s choice to sacrifice herself for Laios, she thought it was worth it, knowing that it would be her end. Her resurrection and the process of it intertwining her soul with a dragon’s wasn’t done with her consent, and the subsequent opening it gave her to become a chimera puppet. She’s stripped of her agency consistently, and so… It’s very noteworthy that the final choice, of wether to go back to life or to stay dead, in that purgatory scene, was up to her. And she chooses life, but I do think about her in those fields and how at home she seemed there. Peaceful, by herself in a vast calm expanse she could explore, free.

Personally, I think freedom is Falin’s own subconscious selfish desire. And though to us becoming the chimera is obviously a shackle, I think it felt like freedom to her somewhat, too.

And if you think I’m going wildly off the rails here I want to talk about Laios’ wish of becoming a monster. And to be clear before getting into it, being mentally a monster is absolutely a big part of the appeal for Laios, it’s something that’s consistently referred to, something especially pointed out in the werewolf monster tidbit with Lycion. Right panel is from that, but left panel is from the extra with Izutsumi where Lycion talks about suppressing souls in a beastkin body, the human or the beast soul.

Finding comfort and freedom in being mindless, less sentient, less aware? While being unaware in her hometown might have saved Falin a lot of heartache although perhaps stunted her emotional growth, it’s always been Laios’ curse.

Actively, through his choices, he seeks to grow closer to people, to form deeper bonds, to understand and be undertood, but… On a deep seated level, what he desires is to leave humanity and civilization behind. He has an irrational hatred for humans, born from the trauma of ostracization, being different, being beaten up and rejected consistently through his life. Running away from problems is easier. He wants to be free from being a social animal from a social species who has deemed him the black sheep, he thinks it’d be simpler to just leave it all behind, people and his own humanity. At its core, to Laios becoming a monster is a power fantasy, a coping daydream of "if only I could be strong enough to never be hurt again, the power to destroy anything I want, the power to go somewhere better, if only it was possible for me to never feel hurt again. If only I could be someone, something, that can never be hurt". "If there’s someone you don’t like, you can gobble ‘em up in one bite. If you could fly, you’d be able to leave this village right now." It’s a childhood fantasy, from a deep sense of being misplaced and a desire to be able to stand fearless, thinly covering up resentment that Laios represses.

But you’ll notice, when the Winged Lion is enticing him in the last page, even now with his lifelong wish of becoming a monster on a silver plate, he still cares about his friends. He still has that sense of responsibility to his friends, doesn’t want to leave knowing they’ll be in danger and alone. The offer that his friends may be left unharmed is already good, but Laios also visibly flinches when the Winged Lion offers to specifically care after Marcille and rid her of her biggest fear. Laios’ care runs that deep. Not unlike with the succubus, he resists temptation until he gets reassured that everyone will be okay. But see, what he desires isn’t to stand alongside Marcille until her last days, it isn’t to stay and see how well his friends will live, it’s to go. It’s to leave. It’s to fly away, a monster both in body and mind. He wants to be free from caring here, wants to not have to worry about his friends, wants to just go do his own thing, but for that he needs to feel safe in the belief that said friends will be safe even without him being there to see it, because despite everything else he cares, he does. It’s again that dichotomy about caring and wishing you didn’t, or not caring and wishing you did.

In the end, it’s Falin who achieves that wish. Both by becoming a chimera during canon, and by going traveling post-canon. In the latter, being both free of human relationships as something chaining you while still being uplifted by them, by the knowledge that there are people out there you love and that love you. It’s a theme that can also be connected with Marcille, because she gets anxious over people she loves getting out of her sight, worrying they’ll get themselves killed, that time is passing while they’re away from her. But before she can get to the point where she can both have her freedom and being uplifted by her social bonds, regaining both her individuality and her connections, she has to get a taste of just one at a time. Before they can find balance in her life, she has to see what it’s like to have what she’s never had on its own. Unapologetic freedom, and power.

No one can blame you for not caring enough or caring right if you’re a fricking dragon!!!! You make the rules when you’re a beast and you can just… Fly away. From anywhere, from anything. And if a dog bites you you can just crush it. Instead of being pushed around by the dogs because you’re at the bottom of the hierarchy, you’re now at the top, the one with the power to be heard and do what you want without consequences.

I think she’s on autopilot. I think she’s on autopilot a lot of the time, even before being a chimera, and it’s partly why her will is so weak compared to regular dragons. (Again, read my shorter analysis.) It’s familiar to slip back into the role of following someone around unquestioningly. And that’s what is weaponized when she’s a chimera, that instinct she’s been nursing all her life to unconditionally support, defend and follow someone. Only now, that someone doesn’t matter in itself, only the symbol of it. She doesn’t mind, either way is fine. Her will is weak after all, because she’s trained it to take as little place as it could.

Falin cares too much

She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life.

So you’re probably seeing the duality I’m talking about here, Falin is very self-sacrificial but for specific people in ways that they often don’t recognize or appreciate. She cares but selectively, both in people, putting all her eggs in the same baskets, and in the ways she cares after them. She doesn’t care a lot, but when she does she cares a lot. Falin doesn't have a lot of earthly attachments, but when she does, they're her world.

In canon her arc, especially post-canon, is to grow beyond Marcille and Laios. Her caring for her close loved ones held her back from looking after her own self-fulfillment needs. And this is what I mean when I say she cares too much; she could gain from caring more about the world besides Laios and Marcille, both lands wise and people wise. She cares too little, but her arc centers her flaw around caring too much instead. Her pitfalls that Kui highlight over the course of the story, while of course her selflessness is appreciated for how she saved Laios and everyone, on a personal level is shown to be self-effacing and damaging. She’s undermined by Marcille, without the courage to voice her thoughts and wants, she would dedicate her whole life to Laios. And I mean, it’s text, in the response to Shuro’s proposal extra no less. And she’s so laser focused on her most loved people that she’s fine with being callous and risking others’ lives, even.

Post-canon, she needs to leave to find herself, away from them.

Herself. What if she wants to just be with herself for a while.

And this is me reaching but I feel like, not unlike Izutsumi who learns to feel this sense of never being alone, always having someone on your side what with having two souls, the dragon in her would make her consider herself more. She finds it easier to care after other people after all, and in the purgatory fields sequence she takes care to bring the bit of dragon left with her… Not unlike with Izutsumi, having two souls forces you to think about your identity and figure yourself out. Besides being this sort of duo now, where if she wants to care after herself she can channel it to that other side of her too… In meta dragons are symbols of greed, and I think the bit of dragon would push her to want more and listen more to her desires, primal and self-serving as they might be. The dragon soul which warped her human body with feathers and draconic features, her image of perfection marred, her weirdness externalized in a way that’s not palatable. But she doesn’t care, about if her appearance is palatable for most people, she hasn’t for a while now, and that’s great.

Notes & nuance

I’m struggling with the structure of this post, making my points organized, concise and strong at once. It’s difficult to make any statement without going "things are generally like this, but there’s this time that this contradicting thing happened too" or "it’s ambiguous enough that you should just follow my interpretation for the time of this analysis" haha, so this is the pit where I put all the stuff that wouldn’t fit well in other places but are interesting for Falin’s character. This section is pretty separate from the main thesis of the post, it’s just more Falin observations. The post has reached the 30 pics limit so I can’t just pull it up whenever it’s relevant but I really encourage scrolling up to read the stuff I highlighted in her Adventurer’s Bible profile if you haven’t already.

I think with the shy-looking loner type autistic kid archetype, and knowing she didn’t seem to mind others ostracizing her, it’s easy to lose sight of how she was by no means an unemotional child. In all the bits we see of her as a kid she’s bursting with energy and emotions. Canon confirms Laios leaving the village did affect her and make her lonely and she cried a lot, too. She may not be social in the traditional sense, but she was clingy with her brother, and she also never was all that shy about who she was, wearing her heart on her sleeve.And okay. Okay okay okay. Speaking of appearances. About what I said of her not caring about what people think of her, even seeming defiant with the caravan leader… There’s one istanxe of her caring actually, and it’s about how her face blushes easily. I remembered it as being because Laios’ said it and as I rambled Laios’ words are her world, but actually it’s ambiguous. It’s only Marcille imagining up this scenario where Laios says Falin looks weird because of it, there’s no evidence Laios said or thought that at any point. And on the other hand…

Her Adventurer’s Bible says: "5, Lovely Skin. She isn't particularly careful with it, but Falin's skin is fair and beautiful. Possibly as a result, her cheeks seem to flush easily. Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." The phrasing makes me think the complex she has over her blushing might have developed because of Marcille more than Laios. "Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." It could be related to how Marcille gets swept away and infantilizes her, calling her cute wanting her to wear cute feminine outfits etc. Again this feels like it relates to Falin’s struggle to be seen for who she is and what she wants to be seen as, her struggle to be recognized, having ideals and perspectives pushed onto her. Here Falin is insecure over her blushing implicitly because she doesn’t like being called cute over it, but that’s not how she wants people to see her. She doesn’t want Marcille to always see her as her 10 years old adorable friend. Like if your friend said you had puppy energy, it can be flattering, but it can also make you insecure.

Here’s a link to what I mentioned about her being uncomfortable wearing feminine outfits. It does seem to be more about comfort than the aesthetic perse, to me. Interestingly the shirt & shorts don’t seem like they show much more skin than her beach outfit, so maybe it’s more about the shirt and shorts being tight-fitting. Like the skirts and heels they feel stifling. Again a bit with themes of freedom and not wanting an aesthetic pushed onto her. So yes just to reiterate, I think this is more about self-affirmation and how her identity and self-image gets shown to others, rather than wishing to hide parts of her body like her blushing etc for people pleasing reasons. Makeup was a way for her to appear how she wants to and feel more confident. It was a way to take control over her own image. She didn’t keep doing it, the narrator stating the process to be ‘troublesome’. Ultimately she still prioritizes her comfort, and it was a lot of recurring efforts to go through.

And on the topic of appearances… A friend once asked me: "Does she really hide herself or not? I keep thinking about "falin is herself first and foremost" (in her Adventurer’s Bible profile) it’s just so. Hmmmmmmmm... I just keep seeing people say she hides her real self from people when I feel like the issue is more about her charitable traits straying too far into becoming flaws but people around her dont realize that..."

Imo the thing is, I don’t think she hides her identity, but I do think she suppresses her individuality for others’ sakes if that makes sense. In the way that only post-canon does she allows herself to go see what the world is like, but that’s not personality wise it’s needs and wants wise. And I do feel like that’s the closest interpretation of canon, she says it herself she doesn’t know what she wants because everything she’s done was always about Laios or Marcille, but she doesn’t change her demeanor or personality for others. But she *will*, like, not ask for things she wants directly, like sharing lunches with Marcille at the academy, she suppresses her wants, doesn’t ask things from people and doesn’t hope for more, hope for better. I don’t think we ever see her actively repress her personality, except like what, being more laidback than enthusiastic but I do feel like unlike Laios with her it’s less ‘appearing stoic to fit in more’ and more ‘yeah i’ll just chill until I’m needed or something activates my enthusiasm’. To which said friend quoted: "to feel like you belong you need to be useful. when you can’t be useful the next best thing is being convenient."

And speaking of passivity… I want to speculate about Shuro’s proposal some more. Shuro and her got along well though we don’t know how much, or how often they hung out, she even saved him from a nightmare. Why did she take so long answering Shuro’s proposal? Was it an effort to preserve or was she really just that conflicted? Procrastination probably yes, but what is the core motivation of itl Considering she ended up saying no to travel the world instead, I don’t think it was as simple as ‘she wanted to say yes for convenience’. Logically it’s what would have been best, but it’s not what she wanted for herself, but it was and still is hard for her to even know what she wants. Probably, since like she states it was a great offer and she doesn’t think she’ll get proposed to again, it’s that self-effacing tendency that yes it’d be convenient and logical, and that makes her want to say yes even if her spirit isn’t in it, because if it’s convenient then that’s more important than her feelings on the matter. Man also… Obviously Marcille is very vocal about how she shouldn’t get with Shuro, but imagine how Falin’s whole perspective on marriage must have felt when her only friend ever is a Romantic with a capital R who gushes about idealized romances and grand gestures and True Love and doing things with fully pure feelings all the time.

AND speaking of passivity!!! How much Falin is "there" as the chimera, just how much she’s master of her actions, is left ambiguous and intentionally so imo, but she’s for sure there & influencing the dragon’s action to some degree. Having a dragon’s foot on her in purgatory that keeps her from moving for sure visualizes how it must have been like, but there’s Falin calling out to her brother Laios, there’s the kind attentions towards Thistle that are so Falin-like, and most explicitly there’s the Adventurer’s Bible stating "Even after becoming a chimera, she has a soul that's as kind as ever", which I honestly dislike, a fantranslation puts it as "Even as the chimera, her caring nature remains" and either way to me it feels like confirmation that it’s her giving those berries to Thistle. Now, wether or not she has the mental capacity of a chicken or something closer to human Falin, no clue, there has to at least be some kind of mind bond between monsters and the dungeon lord, compelling or forcing them to go along with orders, or calling her to him in distress like with the fight on the first floor. But yes, it’s interesting to wonder what it is that a Falin, with her kind soul but without her human mind, would willingly do. On her profile, she’s described as Thistle’s guardian and servant. The power dynamic between the two are very interesting, I already went into how it might have felt like freedom to her while being fake so I’ll reign myself in and just mention it again. She’s still at the heel of someone, only now it’s someone who doesn’t care about her back. Going from being cared for so strongly that it’s suffocating and they would defy death and the world for you, to being devoted to someone who has not one feeling about you besides your utility as a paw . She has all this care to give and to focus onto others and he has none to send back to her and I think that’s part of it. In a way, being left with only her own feelings and a void, without expectations or feelings or ideals pushed onto her, it might have been soothing in itself, and eye opening. But yes the way I think of it, her care for Thistle isn’t unlike the care she gives the ghosts.

Interestingly, the care she extends for the ghosts is sending their soul to a peaceful death, freeing them, of life and any earthly attachment. Take that as you will with the themes of freedom and burden of life and mind, immortality and becoming a warped version of who you were, and such and such.

But going back on the topic of connections and bonds for a bit, I think academy days Falin & Marcille is super interesting bc we’ve never really see Falin form a connection besides with Marcille and even that is kept pretty ambiguous. When was the point that Falin started seeing Marcille as a friend and seeking her out? When was the "I’ll lay down my life for you" point? I’m so fascinated by how she wanted to share lunches with Marcille but never truly asked, only made little "hey want this? I found it isn’t it cool?" gestures of showing things to her… It’s the only way she knows to ask, or maybe it’s the only way she feels comfortable to. In all the scenes of young Falin and Marcille Falin seems comfortable in her friendship with Marcille, but at the same time… I think we see Falin at her most insecure around Marcille, because she really does care about Marcille and what she thinks of her so much, and while Marcille is a bit of an unstoppable force tornado style (affectionate) Falin is something of a doormat. I’d usually say showing her berries was her earnest way to connect and be like "Hey bestie look at this! :]" , but there’s a real possibility that she was self-conscious and holding herself back.

Friendship and Marcille! Involving Laios into this too but, again with the autism thing of not showing you care in ways that others understand, Marcille being very overtly affectionate and clingy was so so soo important… Marcille keeping on hanging out with Falin and caring after her, and being undeterred/unbothered by Falin not always seeming like she cares all that much back in the conventional way, as in Falin acts nonchalant and a bit like she didn’t mind wether she was there with her or not during her outings to the cave dungeon. Caring and being clingy and so affectionate despite that in such a classic Marcille way is soo needed, because so often people will get discouraged by say, their friend not keeping in contact regularly/well, seeming disaffected or as happy-go-lucky as ever even if you haven’t seen each other in a while or when they’re alone, and yes there’s potential for a strong friendship there but someone like Falin won’t be committed enough to reciprocating attention the same way… I hope I’m making sense but yes this angle in particular strongly correlates to autism. And the way Marcille always initiates physical affection, both Toudens being awkward about initiating touch because they don’t know if that’s allowed, if they’re going about the social interaction the right way, if they’re allowed to ask that out of someone…

Another fun observation to make is about the 4 years Falin and Marcille spent apart. Marcille despite being of a long-lived race treated these 4 years of separation with more gravity than Falin did. Falin brushed it off very dismissively to say the least. But then you remember that the amount of time Falin and Laios didn’t see each other after he left the village was 8 years. Double the years, double the time. And that reminder makes Falin’s actions so starkingly understandable. Of course she wouldn’t see 4 years of separation as a long time if 8 years of separation with her beloved brother is her point of comparison. Of course she’d see it as worth it to leave Marcille for 4 years if it meant ending those 8 years instead, especially if she was worried about him (the reason why she followed him into his caravan job).

A friend always says that while Falin is the center of Marcille’s world, Laios’ is at the center of Falin’s, and I tend to agree.

It’s fun to think of how her career dreams had always been shaped by Laios, even when they were kids. Of course there’s how traveling the world began as a dream they talked about and shared, but there’s how he reassures her by listing cool jobs she could do like traveling exorcist, etc. And then of course, she gave up on her magic academy and career path to follow him and do odd jobs, etc etc.

I should go into the violence of Faligon more tbh, because I think there’s an interesting parallel to how she has no problem wacking things with a mace, wether a ghost when she was a kid or a walking mushroom as an adult. Something that often surprises fans when they remember, I don’t really want to get into the whole " Falin hates violence and hates seeing people in pain to an intense degree. ‘If you die do it somewhere where I can’t see’ style’ interpretation, it has some weight but on the whole I don’t vibe with the theory she has a particular aversion to violence, she seems to be fine resorting to it as much as any other adventurer as long as it isn’t needlessly against ghosts. And Falin’s sudden mace hits are fun to me too because it’s not her becoming a berserker when the need arises as much as her becoming active because something she cares about is threatened, and that brings her out of her passivity from 99% of the rest of the time. Thistle included. Falin always could be violent, she just dislikes senseless carnage. The Shuro party vs chimera fight is a bit ambiguous on it, because you can argue she only attached after being provoked, presumably offscreen as well while the ninjas went off to fight the harpies. Falin becomes the most active when she needs to protect someone, she has no qualms doing whatever’s needed for that, wether it be leaving the academy & Marcille without notice no matter the consequences or what her parents think, or teleporting the party, etc.

I’m working on a post specifically pointing out all the differences between Falin and Laios, but yes I think both of them selfishly desire freedom in different yet similar ways. Falin’s dark secret is "Ethics and risks are optional if it means I can protect those I love" like the teleportation, and Laios’ is "Ethics and risks are optional if I can be free of all this bullshit" aka humanity aka his wish with the winged lion.

Conclusion

Flighted birds have hollow bones. With freedom and wings there comes risks and sacrifices.

Tldr: Falin doesn’t care all that much, she’s very go with the flow. For example if someone hates her she doesn’t really care because that’d require her caring about what they think of her in the first place, and she only cares about her loved ones. She smiles, but it’s more a state of being rather than out of active goodness: she’s canonically very genuinely kind, but it’s more out of a general want for pleasantness than active care itself. She’s passive, and softspoken because that’s just how she seems, but she has no problem hopping into bushes or getting heated if something calls to her enthusiasm or calls for action and a hit of the ol’ mace. Her loved ones needing tending or protective is what makes her go from passive to active. That familiar autopilot mode of making someone the center of her world and following their every move is what made her so easy to be controlled as the chimera, even ferociously defending him with her life. Faligon is most interesting to me with the theme of freedom. She’s shackled to Thistle and out of her mind, but there’s also a sense of empowerment and freedom from expectations and society. She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life. There’s a way of caring after others that can be selfish, not unlike Marcille being overly coddling and not listening to Falin. In Falin’s case, I think it was so selfless that it ended up looping back around to erasing her sense of self. In losing sight of herself, that devotion becoming neither quite selfish or selfless but a fact of life and a state of nature, muddled by its lack of direction.

She’s sooo used to never being able to ask things out of others, you get the crumbs of affection and approval that others offer to you unprompted and that’s it don’t hope for more don’t ask for more. (Also reflected in how she follows her loved ones around without complain or personal opinions and how she’s not willing to rock the boat and affirm herself in her relationships like with Marcille during canon)

Falin cares so much, so much and so laser focused on her few loved ones that it blinds her and she loses sight of everything else, she ends up neglecting herself and the rest of the world. As Kui puts it, Falin is herself first and foremost. She just had to remember the importance of that.

I see her as an enneagram 9, which can be surprisingly accurate and fun to research through the lense of Falin. Excerpt below from this book, but like my god, good way to put it

That’s it, ty for reading. Even if it’s a bit of a mess, hopefully you’ll have gained a thing or two from it. Falin is a character hard to pin down, but it is very gratifying when you find the way that the puzzle pieces fit together right for your own understanding of the story. Fantranslation of the shuro proposal comic by @/thatsmimi here.

Here’s my spotify playlist for her if you’d like

Sometimes love is about letting go, a lesson a lot of the cast needed to learn. Self-love’s important too, and just like with diets we need a healthy balance.

#I find it hard to express myself right on the topic of Falin. Both because the issue is pretty vibe based and because we don’t #get that many moments with her. So there’s ambiguous scenes up to interpretation addressing a layered topic and like. Save me. Save me #As always falling down the rabbithole of starting an analysis about a specific facet and then needing to explain everything else around it #I’m doomed. I’m getting lost in the sauce.#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #falin touden #analysis #character analysis #meta #autistic reading #aroace reading as well. Sort of. It’s mentioned #The aroace autistic guilt of not caring back in the way/with the intensity you’re expected to #As always this is just my interpretation blablabla #Spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #She loves like a dog aka unconditionally and happy with eating scraps of affection and attention off the floor #Laios touden #he’s here too bc they are an unit #If you’re not capitalizing on the uncanny vibe autistic effect for Falin’s character u are missing an opportunity imo #Fairy’s child is written all over her. Her cryptic-ness is the point so why am I surprised she’s hard to fully pin down #Even with the graveyard scene it was Falin following Laios… Sob. Laios could feel responsible her powers were found out #I’d like to rework this at some point if i get better at structuring. I’m not satisfied by the level of clarity #Will 90% for sure edit stuff in if i find more to say.#Fumi rambles #Crazy style #I give a TLDR at the end if you’d prefer. It doesn’t have the like evidence/explanations alongside but it makes the main points i think

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koinotame · 6 months

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gacha isekai ocs (old)

word count: 7K content warnings: seriously unhealthy relationship dynamics, implied past abuse, dehumanisation and objectification (both reader -> character and character -> self), power imbalances (in both directions—reader usually has the power in the relationship but the others are much stronger in abilities), nsfw (not explicit but frequent), violence and murder (frequently mentioned but not descriptive), mild gore (particularly in the first hero and disgraced god's section, not super descriptive but not super mild either), bugs (only mentioned, maggots and worms), some cringy humour i'm sorry i wrote this when i was 18 and it shows

a/n: this is a repost (unedited)! basic idea: gacha isekai where the mc (you) doesn’t take anything particularly seriously and everyone summoned by them becomes kind of infatuated with them. under the cut for length + this is badly formatted

ok so some basic ideas.

mc is a twin and has to find a way to find their twin again while also saving the world or something. you didn’t really pay attention to that part

also mc isn’t like. a Great Person. they’re not horrible either, but they’re certainly not the usual goody two shoes mcs in isekais

what their og world is like isn’t ever really specified, but they didn’t have a great relationship with their parents and really only had their twin to rely on

they um. kind of see the people they summon as collectible characters? once they get to know them more and as the story progresses this attitude does fade away a bit, but it was certainly there in the beginning, and it does affect the way the people think about them

outside of their twin, they’re very short-term focused. what they want or need matters a lot more to them than anything else, even if it’s something serious like, you know, the whole saving-the-world thing. who cares? you’re more interested in lunch than this boring meeting

then there’s the first prince! he’s softspoken and polite, but painfully distanced. he was the one to summon you, and he’s been with you the longest.

at first he was so… awfully distant. despite summoning you and dumping such a huge responsibility on you, he’s saying he wants to remain allies and nothing else? damn, okay, fuck you too.

eventually he does warm up to you, and before long he realises he’s hopefully in love with you. obsessed, even. he’s got your entire schedule memorised and he’s gotten so uncomfortably jealous of how much time you spend with the other summoned and he may or may not have a shrine in his room dedicated to you and the thought of you defiling him does things to him and—

well. before he knows it, he’s gotten way ahead of himself. his feelings for you have gripped his heart and have no intention of letting go, and he’ll die before letting them go. without you, life has no meaning. figuratively too, he supposes, because without you they’d lose the war, but he means it very literally.

he’s sworn to himself that he won’t get ahead of himself, that your relationship matters more than whatever he may want. so he’s fine with being your (hopefully best) friend. he’s fine with you only using him when it’s convenient for you. he’s fine with whatever you may decide to do. if you discard him, that just means he disappointed you and needs to work harder to be useful to you again, right?

somehow he’s managed to drive another wall between you two. he’s gotten so used to placing you on a pedestal that being close to you, being equal to you is unthinkable for him. naturally, you lose interest and begin to hang out with others more, but that causes him to panic and begin to desperately do anything that might regain your favour. he’ll push beyond his limits, make a fool of himself, whatever you desire, so please just take him back, please place your attention back on him…!! and then when you do he just places that wall up again. there’s no winning here, it’s just an endless loop of him distancing himself and then panicking when he loses you and then "earning" you back, and then he’s distancing himself again.

one time he offered to let you take your frustrations out on him and you misunderstood his intentions and just hugged him tightly for several minutes straight. it wasn’t what he meant but holding you in his arms was amazing in its own right, so he certainly had no complaints.

the first hero you summon is cheerful and chipper, and makes you think of chips. when you tell him this he’s nothing short of confused, asking why he reminds you of wood chips?? what??

you find it hard to take him seriously, and while at first he’s happy he can amuse his summoner, it starts getting grating as time passes and he becomes more infatuated with you. that’s all he’ll ever be, right? that one guy that’s comic relief and nothing else.

he doesn’t want to act out and cause trouble, but. there’s got to be some way to get your attention back on him, right? there’s got to be some way to get you to take him seriously, right…? right…?

he doesn’t mind humiliating himself in the worst ways, or making a fool of himself, or ruining any chances he had at being anything in life, as long as you look at him. he wishes you’d look at him differently, like he actually means something, but he’ll settle for being your jester if it even so much as slightly amuses you. nothing is off limits for you.

but eventually he, too, reaches his limit. every time you laugh at him, he feels like crying. he can feel himself being painfully turned on and it’s horrible. he’s miserable, and even then, even then…!! he’s still getting off to it, because it’s you making him miserable. he can’t take it anymore, it’s not fair! he keeps repeating that to himself, but no matter how much he says it he can’t bring himself to change anything. to go against what’s been established is to go against you, isn’t it? and there’s no way he could ever do that.

he does throw himself into battle more often, though, becoming more and more reckless, to the point where he often gets injured. it doesn’t matter for who, since he doesn’t matter anyway. someone as insignificant as him will never matter, not to you, and not to the world. but then you get worried about him and scold him, and even go as far as telling him to be more careful because you care about him… and in that moment he realises, he’s made a grave mistake. it doesn’t matter whether he matters to the world, because you are the only one in the world who matters.

he’ll do anything for you, he says, grasping your hand, and while it’s clear you doubt his sincerity, he speaks nothing but the truth. he wishes you’d believe him a bit more, but it’s okay that you don’t. anything you do is okay, after all. you could dig your finger into his wounds and wiggle it around and he’d thank you for blessing him with your touch. the sting could never compare to you. and either way, it doesn’t really matter whether you doubt him or not, right? it just means he hasn’t properly proved himself, and he’ll work his life away proving himself even the smallest amount, for you. all for you.

the second hero you summon is the serious type, of course. the take-no-nonsense type. the type that doesn’t fall for cute summoners who treat them like objects… right?

nope! he did fall for you, treating him like an object and all.

after being treated as someone special for his entire life, being treated just like any other guy is a surprising breath of fresh air. you don’t have any expectations of him, and while it seems like a blessing at first, it quickly becomes disappointing. if you’re not expecting anything of him, you’ll be impressed by anything he does, but at the same time, you won’t be upset if he messes up. this sounds like a blessing but for some reason he just can’t bring himself to think that way.

maybe… maybe he wants you to be mad at him, to be mad at him and not his role as a knight. to finally be acknowledged as a person rather than the role he was born to fulfil. but you never see past him as a person, either. you don’t expect anything, and by the same logic you aren’t disappointed when he fails you. you do lose interest, though, and for some reason he finds himself thinking that he’d rather be thought of as a tool by you than lose your interest.

he never liked being treated like a tool. he never liked it when nobody saw him for him. but now that someone does see him for him, it’s uncomfortable. he’d… rather go back to being a tool. at least it was comfortable then, at least he knew what to expect. now it feels like he offers up the most vulnerable parts of himself without receiving yours in return, and there’s nothing more painful than being seen and then discarded. please, won’t you take him back? he’ll work very hard for your sake, and be your and only your knight. he’ll throw away everything for you, so, please, look his way once more?

he found it annoying and offputting at first, but now he’ll die before admitting that he secretly likes it when you treat him as a collectible. something about the dehumanisation of it all really just… gets to him. he’s okay with it, but only if it’s you. if you asked, he’d say it’s okay with him, but in reality he quite likes it. he wants you to treat him as a collectible, as if he’s below you. because, really, the truth is? he is. he is so incredibly below you that he cannot stand it. and he loves it.

of course there’s a vampire somewhere, and boy this guy sure is a vampire. he’s playful and has those old man vibes that only young-looking anime guys seem to have.

aw! is his first reaction upon being summoned. getting summoned by someone this cute? what a wonderful start to his day! and then you give him a deadpan and tell him to move, you’ve still got a couple more summons to do, and the words go straight to his dick. he shuffles out of the way awkwardly and watches you do your thing, but it’s not before you’ve talked a couple more times that he really starts to feel things.

what kind of things, you may ask? well, all sorts of things. he starts feeling light(er than usual, given he doesn’t weight much and floats easily), and his stomach fills with a flurry of tiny bats and butterflies whenever you’re around. every word leaves him captivated, and he can’t help the hearts that glow in his eyes every time he sets his sight on you.

he’s sworn his undying loyalty to you already, of course, but sometimes he throws in a comment that he’d kill anyone who’s giving you trouble. it kills him whenever you trace his throat with your finger and push up his chin and call him a cute little puppy and ahh!! he knows he’s the vampire, but he’d much rather you bite and suck him! mark him, bite him hard enough to draw blood, sink your teeth into him anywhere you’d like, cover him in bruises and scratches, whatever you want! anything is fine, as long as it shows he’s yours and only yours.

is it too much to ask that you just hold him down and call him a bad boy when he can’t take it anymore?? he’d like to be your good boy too, but even thinking about being your bad boy and needing to be punished by you sends all the blood in his body out of his brain and into his dick…!! he just needs to be your boy, okay? good or bad or anything in between is fine, as long as he’s yours!

leave him hanging by only a thread and then mock him when he’s left flushed and drooling. pinch him and drag the most obscene sounds out of him, and certainly don’t stop when he asks you to. step on him and call him pathetic for enjoying this. tie him up and gag him, take away all his power. he won’t be satiated until he’s assured that he’s completely and utterly beneath you, that he couldn’t fight back even if he wanted to (and trust him, he doesn’t). he’s yours, and only yours. your bad little boy.

would also kill for you, though. like, definitely, no questions asked. anytime, anyplace, anyreason. if it’s you, he doesn’t need a reason. you’re the reason his life has meaning again, isn’t that reason enough? without you, he’d be nothing. so for you, he’ll be everything.

and there’s a werewolf too, of course! his tail starts wagging every time he thinks of you, and he loves loves loves it when you pet his head or give him headscratches or call him a good boy—

he’s the goodest boy! only for you <3

as soon as he saw you, he knew. he knew you were The One, the only one with any meaning in this godforsaken world. so, of course, he had to devote himself to you, forever and always. even if it turned out that you weren’t, well, it’d be too late to go back then, right? a wolf’s loyalty is unquestionable, and to throw it away would mean throwing away his pride as a person worthy of living. even if he made the wrong choice, that’d be his sin to bear, and he should be the one to live the consequences.

but he didn’t make the wrong choice. not at all. in fact, he made the best choice of his life. you really are deserving of everything he has to give—no, scratch that. you’re deserving of everything the world has to give, and so much more. he’d massacre villages, towns, cities, countries, continents, if it meant anything to you. you mean everything to him, so it’s only right that he puts in his everything for you.

he might get dejected if you don’t scratch him, or pet him, or pay enough attention to him in general, but he’s happy to just sit at your legs and growl like a guard dog at anyone who comes to close. or let you fawn over him, much in the same way you would to a dog. something about being beneath you like that, being nothing but a cute puppy for you do play with, really gets him going. that’s what loyalty’s all about, yeah?

sometimes he gets so passionate over you that he starts repeating words and rambling and tripping over himself. this trait carries over to the bedroom too. whenever someone hears him get really passionate, they know he’s talking about you. it’s not that he sounds disinterested in other things, but there’s something about his passion about you that just… surpasses everything else.

whenever he’s done something to displease you, he gives you the saddest puppy eyes and tearfully asks if he’s been a bad boy…? if you say no, he’s been a good boy, he gets excited and his tail starts wagging. he’s been a good boy!!! but if you say yes, he’s been a bad boy, he gets excited. he can’t help it, but the idea of you putting him in his place and teaching him and molding him into your idea of a good boy… god, there’s nothing better in the world, is there?

ah, silly him. you are god.

of course there’s also the playboy! well, past playboy. he’s probably the only one who’s advances you actually acknowledge, but knowing his habits you just can’t bring yourself to actually take him seriously (as… seriously as you take anything, anyway). but, god, he wishes you did.

he really didn’t take you that seriously when you first summoned him, and that’s the worst mistake he’s ever made. how could he ignore you? how could he not see you for what you’re worth? it eats away at him. if he could change one thing in his miserable life, it’d be to treat you better from the start. to treat you like the god you clearly are.

he took a bit to really warm up to you, but once he did his feelings for you got out of hand very quickly. it seems like just a week ago that he started to consider you a friend, how can he not go a moment without thinking about you now…? but even those feelings of apprehension melt away very quickly, and then, truly, all he thinks about is you.

links back everything to you. oh, these flowers on the side of the road? they’re the same colour as your eyes, so he thought of you! oh, these sugar cubes by his tea? they’re sweet, but nothing is sweeter than you, so of course he thought of you! the earrings he’s wearing? they’re similar in colour to your favourite food, and you look so cute when you’re eating that… ahhh!! you’re so cute!!! he even thinks of you when plunging his blade into enemies. he’s doing this for your sake, so isn’t it natural he thought of you?

definitely the type to bring you on extravagant dates. he’d plan it all out and insist on paying for everything. today is about treating you, okay? so just sit back and let him spoil you, okay? nevermind the fact that he’s said this for the past 50 dates. well, not that you think of them as dates, and he’s okay with that. as long as you’re enjoying yourself, it doesn’t really matter if you acknowledge his advances. but, just so you know, he hasn’t even thought of any others since he started taking you out. he’s serious, okay? please believe him when he says that.

also he knows… a lot about you. it’s concerning. nothing that really infringes on your privacy, but it’s a little… excessive, how much he knows about your small habits and how much information solely about you he memorises. it’s the little things, like how you scrunch up your nose when you’re about to sneeze or the difference in your missing-home-and-twin absentminded expression and your thinking-about-things-and-zoning-out absentminded expression.

he just loves you so so much, you’re all he thinks about. this should be concerning, but how could he find it anything other than right when you’re so amazing? only seeing you, only thinking about you, you you you… he wouldn’t mind it if you tied him up and he’d really have no choice but to only look at and think about you, you know?

no fantasy isekai is complete without the immortal dude! after centuries of suffering and losing those he loves, he’ll make sure you won’t ever come to harm, even if it costs him countless lives and immeasurable pain.

this guy’s pretty soft compared to the others! he’s very soft in general… at least when it comes to you.

he’s probably one of the ones that takes the longest in warming up to you, but he’s also definitely the most pleasant one to get to know. he’s very polite and treats you normally, plus he’s not a previous enemy. it’s almost like having a normal friend, one you’re eternally grateful in this new and confusing world. his descent into adoration is a subtle one, but eventually even he finds himself ensnared in your charms.

he’s still very gentle with you. he’s concerned first and foremost with your safety and comfort. his comes only after yours. you are, at all times, his first and only priority. he’s not very concerned with making his affections clearly romantic, and is more than happy to remain your friend. as long as you’re doing well, it doesn’t matter to him what or how he is. you’ve become the only source of his happiness, and for your sake he’s willing to endure anything. all of his years of suffering mean nothing now that he knows you.

on the occasions that you do go out into battle, he acts as your sword and shield. he’s not great with fighting, but he’ll throw himself onto any incoming weaponry, deflecting all attacks meant for you onto himself. it’s the only way he knows how to be useful. he’d rather you stay far, far away from any battles, but if you insist on it the least he can do is keep you safe. if you ever complain about how you don’t like seeing him in pain, he gets even softer (if that’s possible) and does his best to not get hurt… where you can see. it’s not like it’s going to permanently hurt him; so what you don’t know won’t hurt you.

he likes to cook and sew for you. if you mention you like sweets, he’ll bake treats for you constantly too. he loves to spoil you. seeing your content and happy face is all he needs in life. he’s very good at knowing your limits, too; if you like it when he does all the little things for you, he’ll notice and do them, and if you prefer to be more independent then he won’t. his love language is definitely acts of service, but he’ll switch it up to whatever you prefer.

loves to watch you in general. not in a creepy way, but rather in a 'oh my god i’m so in love with this person and i’m so happy they’re in my life. what did i ever do to deserve this' way. he gets such a soft look on his face when he watches you, no matter how close or far away from you he is. it’s very easy to check if he’s able to spot you when you’re not in the room; his expression completely gives him away and it wouldn’t be the first time someone walked in and was creeped out because like. you’re not in the room?? is he like… thinking about you while staring out the window—oh no nevermind. you’re sitting outside.

doesn’t think of you as a god or anything like that, just someone regular but so very special to him. you mean the world to him, perhaps to an unhealthy degree, but he doesn’t view you as Inherently Above him in the same way a lot of the other guys do. it doesn’t matter to him whether he’s worthy of you or not; what matters most is your wellbeing. his feelings are inconsequential in comparison to that, but the truth is he’s happy if you are. it’s not that his emotions are tied to yours in the same way some of the others’ are, he’s just happy when he gets to see you and know you’re content and happy. it’s all he could wish for in life. nothing else matters anymore.

definitely likes holding you… he gets a bit bashful about being held, though. he loves any affection you give him, don’t get him wrong! but… won’t you let him spoil you? you deserve the world, and so, so much more. let him hold your face gently and whisper praises and admissions of care. let him hold you in his arms and rub your back during a rainy day. let him make you lunch and fix up your clothes. let him dote on you. he’ll take wonderful care of you. you think so too as you fall asleep on his chest. the fondest look is reflected in his eyes at you, and in that moment, he knows. nothing matters but you.

there’s the living doll too… you’re starting to notice there’s some tropes going on here and frankly like, it’s not helping you see them as people and not characters, but this one’s not used to being treated as a person anyway so it’s fine, right? right!

you’re not sure what pronouns to use for them when they show up first. they just stand there, mismatched eyes staring straight through you. so you ask, and it’s only after a few minutes that you notice they’re not blinking. or breathing, for that matter. they can still talk, for some reason, but they don’t do it often. they move effortlessly, but you can hear the faint sound of something (plastic? hard metal covered in something soft? you can’t tell) clinking. and… and… they’re so pretty?? wahh, it’s not fair!!!

your first meeting was a bit messy, with the staring contest and then your outburst over how pretty they were, but they quickly take to following you everywhere. like… everywhere. you draw the line when they try following you into the bathroom. they take your orders to heart and follow them to a T, too. if you tell them to stay put, they won’t move an inch. it was nice to have some alone time again, but when you pass by the hallway where you told them to stay and notice that they’re still standing there, after a couple days, you realise it’s, um. not that great, actually.

they feel happiest when they’re by your side. it’s weird, something like them shouldn’t know happiness. they shouldn’t know any emotions; how could they? but the fuzzy feeling they get when they’re with you, or when they think of you, and the gut wrenching feeling they get when they see you unhappy or when they haven’t seen you in a while certainly feels like an emotion. one day they ask you if it’s okay to feel emotions, and your response is very you ("??? yes?? of course??"), but it’s almost like they’ve received permission from you. to feel for you. to feel because of you. and so they decide to only feel for and because of you. nothing else has any real meaning, not to them. only you do.

they like it when you tell them what to do. they’re never sure what pleases or displeases you, so they prefer to rely on you to tell them how to do anything. they like it when you dress them up, too. you always treat them so gently, as opposed to their previous owner, but it wouldn’t bother them if you treated them more roughly. actually… please treat them more roughly. you always treat them like they’ll break at any moment, and they cherish anything you grace them with, but they can take it too, you know? they can be reliable, too; you can rely on them! even if you’re the one taking care of them, they’d like you to know that they can take care of you or whatever you need them to do. even if they break, they can just be patched up again. you can’t, so, please, let them take care of things for you, too.

they’re yours, you know? do whatever you’d like with them. make them do whatever you’d like. no matter what, as long as it’s you, they’ll be happy.

and the poor lab experiment… they expect you to treat them badly, but you don’t. you treat them gently, with care, as if they’ll break if you’re any rougher, and it brings tears to their eyes. but… you never rely on them. do you not see any use in them? or do you just prefer coddling them? they’re not sure what you’d prefer from them, and they’re torn on what they should do. should they prove their worth to you? or should they sit back and let you decide everything?

they’re constantly thinking about you, and how to best please and serve you. they’re quick to tear up and punish themselves when they mess up, since you won’t do it. it’s not an attempt to guilt trip you or anything either, it’s just genuinely what they think is best to do. punishments after mistakes is the only thing they know. how else are they supposed to learn?

when you point out that no matter how badly they hurt themself, they seem unfazed, because they’re just that used to being hurt, so there’s no point to "punishing" themself or whatever they’re calling it, they’re dumbfounded. what else are they supposed to do…?? they start tearing up again, thinking you’re saying their behaviour is incorrigible. if you’re saying they’ll never be good enough for you… of course you must be right, but that doesn’t stop it from hurting. instead, you propose, you have another idea. they light up at this. surely you’ll correct their behaviour… only for you to gently bandage their wounds and hug them into your chest. it’s nice, it’s so very nice, and that’s what makes it uncomfortable. they’ve never been given anything nice. how are they supposed to react to this??

when they realise you’ve been coddling them every time they mess up, they get upset again. not at you, exactly, but they do end up tearfully asking you how that’s supposed to correct their behaviour, how it’s supposed to correct them… and when you point out that it’s helped much more than their methods have, they don’t know what to say. you insist that hurting someone who messes up doesn’t help them learn, and that messing up doesn’t diminish their worth or mean they deserve to be hurt, they tear up all over again. what did they ever do to deserve someone like you…?

but then they realise you’ve stopped relying on them for, well… anything. and their mind is quick to trace the decrease in you depending on them to when they started showing you any vulnerability. oh no… have they scared you off?? have they messed up your perception of them? how can they atone for this? how can they remedy this? so they attempt to toughen themselves up. if you see how strong they are, you’ll make use of them, right? but they’re a crybaby through and through and they’re quick to crumble in on themself again. you do notice this, though, and start coddling them again. they don’t know how to feel; anything you do feels heavenly, but it feels wrong to not be able to service you in any way.

once they open up how they feel to you, you’re quick to reassure them that it’s fine. you don’t need them to do anything. you’ll help them get better, but that’s a step they need to take. this was probably one of the first times you really started to separate the people you’d summoned from their roles. beneath everything, they were just… people. so you put on your best smile and tell them you’re grateful and that they have helped you, and continue to help you every day, even if they haven’t done anything directly. and it’s at that moment that they realise…

it doesn’t matter what you do, it’s their duty to sit there and take it.

and of course the shy mage’s apprentice! they’re still learning but their skills shouldn’t be underestimated. they are, after all, still a capable apprentice for one of the most powerful mages in the world. the only thing that can rival their skills is their affection for you.

it didn’t take very long for them to fall for you. a few kind words here and there, and they found themself head over heels for you. they hadn’t had any sort of meaningful interaction with others in centuries, and their previous teacher wasn’t exactly keen on praising them. so when you come along and treat them kindly… how could they not fall in love with you?

they tend to get lost in their own fantasies a lot. daydreams about them serving you tea, about you praising them and patting their head, about making you happy, about them brutally crushing your enemies, about them kneeling down and kissing your hand like they’re your knight, about you cupping their cheek, about you calling them cute, about even having a normal conversation, about you tying them up and getting them off with only your foot and degrading them or teasing them with only your hands, touching everywhere but there and cooing at them, about you using them for your pleasure and your pleasure alone, completely disregarding them… ahh, they’ve gotten ahead of themself, haven’t they??

very big on pleasing you! they’ll do whatever you want, so please direct them in whatever way you see fit…! if you want them to slave away for you, they will! if you want them to throw themselves into battle, they’ll train away day and night! if you want them to create powerful spells or potions for your benefit, they’ll spend every waking moment in their lab! if you want them to be your courier or help out with menial tasks, then that’s their job now and they’ll put their all into it! if you even… want them to just spend time with you, then they’ll drop everything and stay with you. whatever you want them to do, they’ll do without hesitation, without complaint.

when it comes to you, there’s nothing they won’t do. their own moral code is thrown out of the window and replaced with yours. rather than striving to become your ideal, they strive to be the most useful to you. they don’t necessarily want to do everything for you—they want to see you shine—but they don’t want you to do everything for them either. they want to be of best use to you, and it’s not up to them to decide how they’re the most useful to you. that’s up to you and you only.

they’re yours and yours only. use them however you wish. that’s what would make them happiest.

then there’s the disgraced god. the one who used to be a normal person (of… some sort) and whose anger and hurt caused them to ascend to divinity. the one whose rage wiped out worlds. the one who goes soft for you and you only.

they’ve long since forgotten their name, centuries having passed since they last heard it. they’re not even sure that would’ve been their original name, or one given to them by some lowly maggots. they don’t mind whatever you call them, though, so when you decide to dub them grima they have no complaints. one time they asked you why you’d picked that particular name, since it didn’t seem like a regular name in this world, any of the ones they’d travelled to or your own, and you just said something about "well, you have a worm kink, so." though you notice very quickly they’re a lot less prickly than grima.

definitely calls others worms (or maggots, or whatever other insignificant and disgusting bug they can think of), but stopped calling you that a long time ago. the lack of buggy nicknames is an honour reserved solely for you, so treasure it. or don’t, it’s up to you. if you say the way they address others bothers you, they’ll stop doing it… in front of you. not that anyone would dare rat on them. would call you their little mortal if they didn’t dislike being reminded of the fact that you’d die and leave them one day.

blanched when they asked you what a "worm kink" is, and spent several hours assuring you they would never be interested in pathetic worms. you are the only one in the whole universe who would ever reach their level (and even exceed it). they were ready to strip right then and there to prove it if you didn’t wave your arms around and exclaim that it was a joke! you only made the comparison because the grima you were familiar with, the fictional character, was also a god who called others worms! stop stripping…!!

they don’t dream of being degraded by you like most of the others, but they wouldn’t really mind what you want. they’re always ready to change their physical body to suit your preferences (at first they were only thinking of their sexual organs, but they’d happily do this for their general appearance too), and their preferences are whatever you want to do. they’d probably be more of a slow and soft service top if left to their own devices, but when they say they’ll do whatever you’d like they’re serious about it. they really just want you to feel loved, and bask in your presence.

they’re probably your most useful asset in battle. and they like it that way. you have no reason to get rid of them, and they get to show off to you. they’re happy when they dote on you too, of course, but the battlefield allows them to quench their bloodthirst in a way that more domestic activities don’t. they’ll brutally tear apart anyone who crosses you, making a huge show of it. the flush and smile on face as they’re ripping off someone’s arms or tearing into someone’s neck is delicious and beautiful. they preen when you say you can’t get enough of it, even if you don’t like seeing all the gore.

they’re surprisingly not that overbearing. they follow you around a lot and dote on you, but they seem content with spending time with you regardless of what you’re doing. sometimes they even like spending time alone, though that’s mostly because they understand they can’t be with you 24/7 and that it’ll be uncomfortable for you. they’ll cradle your face in their hands and hold you in their arms and hold your hands and whatever else you’d like whenever you want with a gentleness nobody would have expected from such a bloodthirsty monster.

despite their gentleness with you, they’re a ticking time bomb. the day, the minute, the second, the exact nanosecond you die is the moment the universe is done for. there’s no point to any life at all if you don’t exist, so they might as well destroy it all. there is no pleased expression on their face when they tear apart the very fabric of spacetime.

then… comes the servant. this one’s human, but he’s equally as useful as his comrades, he assures you. his only purpose in life is to serve and protect his master—that is to say, you. think of him as a mix of a servant there to attend to all your needs and a faithful bodyguard, okay?

he’s… a bit offputting, at first. you’d assumed he used to be some guy’s servant and had simply been raised this way, but he seems to be… very quick on the uptake. even if the others took no time in calling you master, it was rarely their first instinct, and in the few cases that it was you could definitely see why. but even then, it was odd how he seemed almost jealous of everyone that had been summoned before him. it didn’t make sense with the perspective that he was just behaving the way he would with any master. when you asked him about it, he got bashful and nostalgic all at the same time, and said you’d understand one day. maybe.

he melts into his role very quickly. he’s there to attend to you 24/7, and barely seems to get any sleep (or… at least, he’s awake whenever you are, so…). he’s with you all the time. when you have no use for him, he waits outside the door, and he’s as good at his job as he said he was. in battle, he steps up and works with the immortal to protect you, and they make a very effective team. your safety is his top priority, so he focuses on that, but he can’t seem to help the few snide comments that leave his mouth. never where you can hear them, of course, but someone who has to throw themself into danger to protect you surely isn’t as capable of a bodyguard as someone who’s capable of guarding you without the need for that, right?

when you find out (because the immortal tells you, as a concerned friend would) and reprimand him, he seems ashamed. and crestfallen. he rushes to defend himself before coming to the realisation that… his reasoning doesn’t matter. he’s still disappointed you. he apologises (only to you, though) and says he’ll correct his mistakes. it won’t happen again, he assures you. you say you hope it won’t, and he feels his stomach plunge. he really messed up, didn’t he?

after that, he throws himself into his work even more. if everything he did before had a lot of vigour, he’s giving it his 200% now. he… has to make up for his mistakes and become your most useful tool again. he has to earn your forgiveness. if he can’t… if he can’t, what worth is he? he’ll be no better than his past. it doesn’t matter with who you’re happy with, as long as you’re safe and healthy and happy. your scolding made him remember that again, and while he’s ashamed that that’s what it took for him to regain his bearings, he’s grateful. of course it was you who reminded him of his rightful path. of his duty.

watching you die again would be unbearable. he’s lost you before, and he’s not sure he’d be able to do it again. training for years to better serve you was hellish, even if he knew that was what he needed to do, and he’s unlikely to get the chance to find a time stone again. he’s even more unlikely to find someone who’s due to be summoned by you and be able to take their place again. he can’t go through all that again. even if the pain was all but made up for the second he saw your face again, losing you even one more time would be unbearable.

so he’ll keep you safe and sound, he promises. even if you know nothing of his pain and sacrifices, it doesn’t matter. as long as you’re okay, nothing matters.

#repost #not sfw #lime #no other tags because i'm gonna rework them at some point #...i need to redo these banners

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