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thatsgay-writes · 1 year

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The Princess & The Knight… & Archer?

Summary: Redo-ish of the troll episode, a lot of time jumps because the episodes are almost an hour long and that's a lot to cover.

You had known Jade and Kit for as long as you could remember. You and Jade had both been stable hands until Commander Ballantine had taken an interest in you both and swept you away into a life of knighthood. While Jade became good with her sword, you preferred a bow and arrow. Because of your training, you were able to meet Princess Kit of Tir Asleen after Queen Sorsha asked the two of you to help her practice/train. Jade would take her out to a rocky cliff where they would duel and you would sun bathe. And you would take her into the forest to either have a competition of some sorts or to hunt, while Jade would sharpen her sword or practice on some trees. Growing up with the two of them had been one of the biggest highlights of your life. Every time you were with them, together or separately, your heart would feel like it was about to beat out of your chest and you felt all these nerves in your stomach. But when you saw Kit kiss Jade the night she was going to run away your heart sunk, the sparkle in your eye faded. And both Kit and Jade noticed… And they were worried.

Both had assumed your emotionlessness stemmed from the capture of Prince Airk, who you also enjoyed hanging out with... After he stopped hitting on you. You had tried your hardest to mask what you felt but seeing Kit and Jade together, both acting like the kiss hadn't even happened, hurt. Maybe they were just trying to keep their relationship on the low since Kit was suppose to marry Prince Graydon. Maybe they weren't in a relationship at all and more so friends with benefits? But why wouldn't they tell you? You had so many questions running through your mind but there was one thing you knew for certain, Kit and Jade's happiness and safety were and will always be your top priority. So when Kit volunteered to go beyond the barrier and Queen Sorsha agreed, you let out a breath of nerves and silently walked away from Jade and stood behind Kit. A silent volunteer to go and a silent vow to yourself to protect the two people you loved who loved each other.

--- Time Skip ---

Things had finally felt like they were looking up, even if the 5 men you were drinking with had also been the same 5 you had knocked out less than 24 hours ago when you thought Jade was going to get killed by her sister. You thought you had already had a big enough heart attack to last a lifetime, until the trolls attacked out of nowhere and Jade appeared informing us that Kit had been taken. Jade tried not to show it but you could tell she was scared, you were too. Neither of you had dealt with trolls or knew much about them. Either way, everyone knew you had to get Kit and Willow back and after spending the rest of the evening coming up with a plan, you all retired to your tents for the night so you could leave early the next day.

As soon as the meeting was over you turned and headed straight to your tent. But when you heard Jade's name said over the crunching of leaves under your foot, you turned around to see her speed walking to catch up to you. She does turn when her name is called, her sister offering to share her tent, but Jade declines and catches up to you. She grabs ahold of your hand and motions for you to lead the way to your tent and you oblige, missing the way Elora's eyes watch both of you leave in confusion before a look of realization and a small smirk take over her face.

As soon as you and Jade entered your tent, she started undressing and doing her nightly routine. Well as close to it as she could get being out in the woods. You just let her do her thing and prepare for bed as well, you and Jade had to share a bed when you were stable hands so you figured you were sharing a bed again now. You got into bed first laying on your side and facing the inside of the bed, Jade mirrored your position. "We'll get her back." You say trying to reassure her as she stares at you, eyes filled with fear. "I was there, I watched her get taken. I should have grabbed her, something."

"Jade, we were all taken by surprise." You tell her as you let one of your hands come up and rest on her cheek. "You did the best you could. What if you had grabbed Kit and then been taken too? Our numbers are low as is. We need you, I need you. Okay?" Jade lets out a small sniffle as she smiles. "Yeah, you always know what to say." She lets out a yawn as she moves in closer to you, causing you to move as well and lay on your back. Jade takes it all in stride and places her head on your chest and lets one arm wrap around your waist. Just like how you both slept together when you were kids. "Now let's go to sleep we got a big day ahead of us."

--- Time Skip to Troll Mountain ---

"Wow! First we walk through troll poop and now Elora has a earthshaking magical sneezes." You say as the ground beneath your feet finally stops shaking. "We need to get out of here because I'm sure and earthquake set off any alarms made by the trolls." It's quiet for a few moments before Boorman speaks up. "I have an idea."

---

"If I knew your idea involved me smelling hot troll for an unknown amount of time I would have disagreed." You tell Boorman as you slip on the helmet of the hazmat suit and move towards Jade and her sister, stopping when you start to overhear there conversation. "I need to save as many as I can." Scorpia tells Jade as she turns to her. "I need to find Kit. I promised I'd get them to Immemorial City." Jade responds knowing this would probably be the last time she would see her sister for a while. "You have a family now, and when this is all over, you're gonna have to decide whether your with them or with us." Scorpia tells Jade as she gives you a sideways glance and you turn away from the sisters immediately, missing the knowing look Scorpia gives Jade.

---

You creep along the side of the cliff, between Jade and Elora. "I feel like this is a bad time to say I have a fear of heights?" You ask no one specifically as you continue to stare upwards. "Then whatever you do, don't look down." Jade responds like it's the easiest thing in the world. "Yeah, totally. Except I'm one of those people. Where when you tell me not to look or think about something and then I have to and..." Elora trails off as she looks over the edge. You silently pray that she either keeps moving or falls off so you can get to the other side faster. "She was right, don't look." Is all Elora says again before she starts moving.

"Okay and now we are on a bridge, a bridge is nicer than a cliff right." You quietly say to yourself as you finally reach the end of the cliff. "But there is a hole on the bridge and if someone misses they will fall to their death but that's okay because we are all athletic... Maybe someone should help Elora." You continue your inner monologue as you jump over the gap and are ready to continue.

Your heart drops, however, when you hear the sound of wood breaking and Jade yelling out in fear. Without hesitance, you turn around and lunge towards the gap in the bridge and Jade. "Help me pull her up!" You yell at Elora and Boorman who looked at the scene in shock before finally getting into action. "Jade saving you has caused me to look down and I now might throw up on you out of fear." You tell her as the three of you continue to pull her up, Jade just grabs onto your sleeves tighter. "And your up!" Boorman says as you all fall backwards after pulling Jade back onto the bridge, the relief shattered almost immediately as Elora makes it known that the wand has fallen off the bridge. Once, off the bridge you do make sure to give Jade a tight hug and make a mental note of the third heart attack you've had in the last 48 hours.

---

"The biggest mistake of my life." Boorman says as you, Jade, and Elora look at each other in confusion. "Boorman!" A random man shouts as he makes his presence known, behind him enters Willow and Kit. A smile graces your face along with the feeling of relief as you and Jade make your way towards her. You let Jade hug her first and then give Kit a tight hug once the two release each other. "Great now we can leave right?" You ask your companions ready to leave the mountain. "No!" Boorman and the still unknown man say, "We still need to find Wiggleheim's tomb."

---

"Seems perhaps you need more time, or if you wish I'll repeat my rhyme." You groan at that sentence that has been repeating for what feels like a life time. "If we get stuck in here, I volunteer we eat Boorman first." You whisper to Kit as she sits between you and Allagash. "I don't know, he's all muscle." Kit responds and you nod your head like you were taking the discussion seriously. "As you say Princess." You tell Kit with a small laugh as she pushes your shoulder lightly, Jade watching the whole thing play out from her seat behind you with a small smile.

"Nothing!" Elora randomly says as she stand up, stopping Allagash and Boorman from fighting. "The answer is nothing!" She yells to the stone face and happy music follows soon afterwards. The exit behind you and the one into the tomb open simultaneously as Boorman and Allagash rush into the tomb to see who could find the Cuirass first. Kit, who was sitting next to you, stands and walks towards the entrance. You give her hand a quick squeeze before letting go and staying where you are, knowing this was something she needed to do alone. Jade walks a couple steps to stand next to you and the both of you share a nervous look before continuing to watch Kit.

Elora follows Kit into the room and the mountain starts shaking again a few seconds later. "Go get Kit and Elora, I'll try to get the two adults to stop acting like children. We need to leave." You tell Jade as you try to break up the fight between Boorman and Allagash, who ends up with the Cuirass. "Dad! Dad!" You hear Kit yelling and your heart breaks at how desperate she sounds, it also doesn't help to see that Jade had to practically pick her up to get her out of the tomb. "We need to get out of here now." Jade says as the rumbling gets worse and everyone nods in agreement before running out the door. You notice Kit lag behind and you stop at the door waiting for her. Kit looks back at the tomb before looking at you with tears in her eyes and all you can do is hold out your hand to her. She takes it and the both of you exit together right as the entrance crumbles.

---

The fight between your group and the trolls was a brief but intense one with luckily no injuries to group, minus Allagash getting stabbed. The quickest exit for you all was a metal gate on the side of the wall that led somewhere. Everyone entered the tunnel quickly but Kit lagged behind again, so you waited. It was taking her a little longer than what you were comfortable with so you headed back towards where you had just come from, only to catch the end of an interesting conversation. "What matters the most?" You hear Kit ask and you just make out Allagash responding with the name "Elora Danan."

"Shit." You mumble to yourself as you hear his response. Kit and Elora we're just getting to a good spot again and you knew this would destroy whatever foothold they had found. You waited where you were for a few more seconds, not wanting to seem like you were intruding, when Kit finally crawled around the bend and you could see the anger in her eyes. You knew Allagash wasn't coming and you could tell by the look on her face that whatever you had to say would go in one ear and out the other. So you just slid down the rest of the whole and prayed you would make it out of the mountain alive.

---

Kit always chose the wrong time to start an argument. Whether it be in the middle of hunt, bursting into your room mid clothing change, or now standing on the top crust of magic liquid as the earth around you shook and fell. "Kit now is not the time." You tell her along with everyone else as she talks to Elora. "Blame me, hate me, just please, can you just do it somewhere else because if we stay here we're both gonna..." It happened so fast, one minute Kit was yelling at Elora and Elora was begging her to stop and the next she was submerged under the water. A large stone falling and hitting the ground directly beneath her, shattering it. You dive towards the hole it created as fast as you could and stick your hand in trying to grab Kit but it was too late. You felt Kit grab onto your hand the same time as the hole closed in on your arm causing you to yell out of pain, the crystalizing magic water stabbed into your arm as it tried to close. Turning the ground you laid on red and staining your clothes.

"Kit! No!" You can hear Jade scream as she runs up to you and Elora. She takes out her sword and goes to hit the ground with it but stops in fear of hitting. "Just start hitting!" You tell her as you use your other hand to ram the butt of your sword into the ground. Jade follows your example along with Boorman. "C'mon Kit! Please! Her grip is weakening!" You tell the others as your hits to the ground get more desperate, the consistent moving of your body causes the crystals to move deeper into your arm. "Willow do something please! She's letting go and I can't hold on much long!" You beg him with tears in your eyes, from pain and fear. "I could blow you up on accident!" He responds and you glare at him. "I don't care! Just do it!"

"Vantage abhor turmach." Willow starts chanting repeatedly as he points the spell just above where your arm is stuck. You see Jade move towards your legs as to not get in the way but to also pull you out of the way if Willow does manage to blow the hole open. You reach your hand down to her and when she grabs onto it you squeeze hard. With no free hands, the tears you were trying to hide start to run down your face and onto the ground. Willow falls the ground after a few tries from exhaustion and Elora picks up where he left off. Her magic was brighter than his and you have to turn your head away as she continues to yell. "Vantage abhor turmach!"

Your arm is fully numb by the time Elora gets the spell to work and Jade pulls you backwards as soon as the ground explodes and frees your arm. Jade pulls you into her chest as she takes a moment to make sure you didn't get hit anywhere else from the explosion. You let relief wash over you as you let out a few sobs into her shoulder but you urge her to check on Kit as soon as you hear her let out a cough. Jade looks torn between leaving you and checking on Kit but you give her the best reassuring look you can and nudge her towards Kit.

You watch as Jade mirrors the position she had just held you in with Kit and you snap yourself back into reality. You struggle to stand, the blood loss hitting you like a brick now that adrenaline had worn off, and watch as Boorman picks Kit up and throws her over his shoulder. Jade reaches down to grab her and Kit's sword and then yours as she sees you sway on your feet. "C'mon!" She says as she grabs you by your good arm and starts to pull you with her towards the exit.

---

Your group doesn't stop until you reach the shattered sea. Kit walking on her own after regaining some strength while you continue to struggle behind the group. The makeshift bandage on your arm in need of a desperate change. "What's our final test?" Elora asks Willow as you all stare out into the large expanse of the sea. "We walk across it." He tells her and you want to cry right then and there. You didn't know if you could keep walking like you had just been for days on end but you knew if it was what needed to be done and that Kit and Jade were going, you would follow anyways. Boorman immediately asks about any other way to travel but is shot down quickly.

"Then let's go." Kit says as she goes to take a step but Jade puts her arm out stopping her. "No, you need to rest." Kit just shrugs off her arm, "I'm good." "I personally wouldn't mind a quick rest." You butt in. Kit and Jade turn to look at you and both look worried as they take in your heavy breathing, bloody bandage, and how blood was rolling down you arm and dripping off your fingers. "Maybe rest wouldn't be the worst idea." Kit concedes as she takes a few steps towards you to make sure you were alright, only for her to fall.

Part 2

#willow #kit x jade #kit tanthalos #x reader #new obsession #jade claymore #kit x reader #Jade x reader #kit tanthalos x reader #Jade claymore x reader #kit x reader x Jade #tanthamore #tanthamore x reader #Willow series #willow 2022 #willow disney+

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ao3feed-brucewayne · 2 years

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The Gotham Knight

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/AnFb48s

by AZ23AJ

A new kind of bat coming to a world where Bruce never became Batman and we shall see how this one does in this world.

Words: 30972, Chapters: 6/?, Language: English

Fandoms: DCU (Comics), Batman - All Media Types

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: F/F, F/M

Characters: Original Male Character(s), Batman, Rogues Gallery (Batman), Gotham City, The Court of Owls (Gotham Knights), Samantha Vanaver, Roxanne "Rocky" Ballantine, Selina Kyle, Catwoman, Francine March (DC), Bat-family - Character, Female Joker (DC), Sugar (Batman Movies 1989-1997), Spice (Batman Movies 1989-1997), Talons (DC Comics), Bat-Family (New), Katana (DC), Birds of Prey - Character, Justice League - Character, Other Character Tags to Be Added

Relationships: OC/Harem, others TBA

Additional Tags: DC Comics References, DC Animated Universe - Freeform, Bruce Wayne is Not Batman, Batman References, Hurt/Comfort, Action/Adventure, Supernatural Elements, Crossover, Humor, Human Experimentation, Romance, Batman Movies (Small), AU, Alternate Universe, Crime Fighting, World Problems

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/AnFb48s

#IFTTT #bruce wayne #batman #the dark knight #the cape crusader #gotham #dc universe #ao3 #ao3feed

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thatfreak03 · 2 years

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Once again, more DC redesigns, NOT FIXS. Not a DC expert, sorry if I got stuff wrong. That and I really only know Sonia, Kathleen, and Roxanne from Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman, so if their ate different, more accepted version of their characters and got stuff about them wrong in these designs, again sorry.

(Sorry for any spelling, grammar, or drawing mistakes)

#dc #sonia alcana #cullen row #kathleen duquesne #kathy duquesne #dr. roxanne ballantine #roxanne ballantine #rocky ballantine #batman #batfamily #batfam #batwoman #bluebird #dc universe #dc comics

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dykerachelsummers · 4 years

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I’m interested in your take on Kathy. For me, she was the first Batwoman and is the mother of Bruce Wayne Jr due to her father’s genetic experiments. I kept the Spyral stuff and I had Kathy”s faked death mark the end of Bette’s Bat-Girl tenure. Kathy’s dead in my continuity having been assassinated. Bette was heartbroken when she found Kathy was alive due to her being Bette’s main parental figure. Kathy Duquesne is best friends with Sonia and is the 6th Batwoman. She shares it with Sonia & Rocky

that’s super neat! i really, really like all of those ideas they have me 👀📝

sonia and rocky are both important figures in my kathy’s life, but neither are ever batwoman. i’m thinking abt having them be her partners at argus

#tee answers #tsukiakari1203 #kathy kane #sonia alcana #rocky ballantine #earth 82 #my personal dc reboot #dc

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theimpossiblescheme · 5 years

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Even More Overlooked Bat Ladies with @ummmmandy piccrew, inspired by the series by @dykecassandrawayne

barbara, charlotte, lucy, rocky, sonia, rochelle, tina, and tris

#dc #barbara wilson #charlotte gage-radcliffe #lucy quinzel #rocky ballantine #sonia alcana #rochelle wayne #tina sung #tris plover #And yes that is Barbara from 'Batman and Robin' because I am nothing if not thorough. XD

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ultrahpfan5blog · 2 years

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Retrospective Review - Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman

I believe Mystery of the Batwoman was the last DCAU movie for a long time. I remember as a young teenager, renting this movie from Blockbuster, excited because it was another DCAU movie. DCAU had a pretty good track record with the animated movies with MOTP, Subzero, and ROTJ. MOTB has a bit of a mixed reception, but while I definitely don't think its on the same level as MOTP or ROTJ, its a pretty entertaining movie.

This film is a bit of a mystery thriller, which is always something I enjoy. The central mystery around this movie is the identity of the Batwoman, who is destroying the arms supplying operations of the Penguin and Rupert Thorne. The film gives us a few different suspects and gives each one of them a possible motivation to go after the operation. For a direct to video animated film, I felt the mystery was fairly clever. I always enjoy seeing Batman the investigator, one thing which the Batman from the DCAU was really good at. So its fun to follow Batman as he investigates the various suspects. One of the suspects turns out to be a new love interest so there is also a slight romance in the movie.

Compared to some of the other animated films, this film is relatively slight. As in there is no personal stakes for Batman in this story. In a way its refreshing to have a straightforward story. Its just him to trying to investigate and figure out who is donning the Bat logo to cause unwanted destruction. Batwoman in this film is nothing like the comics so she feels like a fresh character, and there are some parallels to the Phantasm, but she's less a villainous figure compared to the Phantasm. The film is briskly paced with quality animation. There are a lot of fun animated action sequences. The film also brings in Bane, along with characters like Penguin and Thorne, to have a trio of comic book villains.

The issues with the movie are what comes with brisk pacing. The film establishes three main suspects in Kathy Duquesne, Dr. Rocky Ballantine, and Detective Sonya Alcana. All three are given motivations against one of the antagonists, which includes Carlton Duquesne. While I think the twist, that all three of them are Batwoman, works quite well, the movie doesn't give the three all that much characterization apart from the superficial. I would say Kathy probably gets the most since she gets a bit more screen time as a love interest for Bruce. But apart from a few lines of dialogue here and there, there is not much to the characters. The down side of it being a straightforward story with not personal investment for Batman is that its also less emotionally investing for us. While MOTP hits you in the heart with Bruce's heartbreak, ROTJ is enthralling with the darkness of the backstory with Joker's death, and Subzero continues to make you feel sympathy for Mr. Freeze, here you don't feel anything. This is one film that could have maybe used 10-15 mins extra to beef up the characterization of the three ladies and the villains.

The voice acting for the DCAU is top class as always. Kevin Conroy is strong as always. Kimberly Brooks, Kelly Ripa, Elisa Gabrielli, and Kyra Sedgewick all are strong as the Kathy, Rocky, Sonia, and Batwoman respectively. David Ogden Stiers, Hector Elizondo, Kevin Michael Richerdson, and John Vernon deliver the goods as the villains. Also, this was the last film roles for Bob Hastings, Efrem Zimbalist Jr., and John Vernon in the roles of Gordon, Alfred, and Thorne respectively.

Overall, despite having less of an emotional pull, this was still a pretty fun movie. Good job by Alan Burnett, who had the story, and Michael Reaves and Curt Geda, who wrote and directed the film. A 7/10 for me.

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cromulentbookreview · 3 years

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I See What You Did There

What’s two plus two?

Huh? What? What’s happening?

What’s two plus two?

Oh, shit, right, I have a book review blog, don’t I? I mean, things have been a bit hectic these past few months and I’m also trying to be a real writer...

What’s two plus two?

Yeah, you’re right, I shouldn’t neglect my tumblr, even if nobody reads it. And come on, computer, it’s not like I’ve been in a coma for four years, two plus two is clearly five and we all love Big Brother, OK? Gah.

Uhhh...And by that, I mean: Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir!

Dr. Ryland Grace wakes up in a spaceship with no memory of how or why he’s there. He’s a junior high school science teacher, what the hell is he doing on a spaceship? Also, the other two astronauts are dead. Like, really dead. So far as how things are going for Dr. Grace right now, I’ll let Pete Campbell give you a hint:

Slowly, veeeery slowly, Grace’s memory starts to come back to him: he’s on a mission to save the Earth. There’s this nasty space bacteria-thingy called Astrophage that’s dimming the light of Mr. Burns’s archnemesis: the Sun.

There’s a lot of science involved, but Weir explains, in great detail, just how Astrophage dims the Sun and why that’s really, really, really, really bad for the Earth. Like, apocalyptic-bad. Billions will die bad. Famine, disease, war, rocks fall, everyone dies and freezes to death bad. Only not right away. Over the course of several years. So everyone will die, but they’ll get to do it real slowly.��

Yay?

Like so, but it ends with everybody dead and the Earth being rendered uninhabitable. All of Grace’s wee little students will grow up watching their Earth slowly die. Unless Project Hail Mary finds a solution. And there seems to be a solution out there - Tau Ceti seems to be the only star not infected with Astrophage. Why? How? What? So this all powerful woman called Stratt, who has been given authority by just about everyone (how? Reasons. Don’t ask questions) yanks Grace out of his classroom - first to study Astrophage, and then, somehow, he can’t remember exactly, roped him into going on a dozen-light-year journey to Tau Ceti with the crew of the Hail Mary.

Only the rest of the crew is dead. Something went wrong while they were in a coma during their four-year space voyage. Grace is alone.

Inside the Hail Mary.

Full of a dude called Grace.

I see what you did there, Weir. Don’t think I didn’t see what you did there. I mean, you don’t even have to be Catholic to see what you did there.

Anyway, long-winded flashbacks and lots of science ensues. I struggled with the first quarter of the book - not for any particular reason other than I started reading this book in the latter half of 2020 and I was having a hell of a time concentrating on...well, everything. Remember 2020? Yeah, it wasn’t great. I mean, I’d need a lot of “not great, Bob!” gifs to describe just how bad those last few months of 2020 were.

And then I thought 2021 would be better. Ahahaha we barely made it six days. Seriously, everything is terrible and how do I even concentrate on a dumb book blog let alone a book all about science and the Earth slowly dying because the sun is dimming and -

Soon enough, however, Grace spots something on the Hail Mary’s radar. It’s...another spaceship? All the way out by Tau Ceti? At first, Grace thinks maybe its another ship from Earth, like a backup plan, that’d make sense, right? Only it’s not.

Who could it be?

Aliens?

Yeah, it’s aliens.

Our friend Grace gets to be the dude to make first contact with the sentient, spider-like creatures of the first planet in the system 40 Eridani. Turns out 40 Eridani is also infected with Astrophage, which is causing all sorts of problems for the Eridians, and their ship just happened to be around Tau Ceti at the exact same time as the Hail Mary. Crazy, right? Anyway, after the initial first contact and the long, drawn-out process of learning to communicate with one another (with no help from Amy Adams or Jeremy Renner), Grace and the lone Eridian, whom Grace christens Rocky, team up to save their respective worlds.

Science and plenty of flashbacks ensue.

I’m not a scientist - well, I have a master’s degree in library and information science, which, I guess, is a science? I mean, uh...I could tell you where all the sciency books are in the library. 500s if you’re using Dewey, and if you’re using Library of Congress, it will depend on what you’re looking for - you’ll want to start with Q for general sciences, QA for math books, QB and QC for astronomy and physics, QE, GC, GB, QC, TN for earth sciences, QD, TN, TP, and TR for chemical sciences, GE and bits of GF, QE, QH, QC, and TD for environmental sciences, QH, QK, QL, QM, QP, and QR for life sciences, QA75-76.9, TK5101-TK6720, TK7800-TK7895, and Q334-Q390 for computer sciences, telecommunication and artificial intelligence, Q, R, S, and T for the history of sciences and if you’re looking for bibliographies and finding aids for topics in the sciences, look under Z.

You know. Science.

OK, so I may not be a scientist. I may be bad at math because numbers somehow magically switch themselves around on paper whenever I look at them. Why? Because my brain sucks, that’s why. I may have spent most of my chemistry classes reading YA books under my desk (worth it!). I may have only passed high school physics by cheating off a girl younger than I was, but hey, the joke was on me: my high school physics teacher wasn’t even qualified to teach physics.

Gotta love rural public schools.

My point is, while the science may be lost on me and my brain which is full mostly of Simpsons quotes rather than actual knowledge, I do loves me a fun story where Science (with a capital S) saves the day. And, make no mistake, this book is fun. You might get a bit bogged down by the science, but once you get past it, this is a highly enjoyable story of one dangerously unqualified guy desperately trying to save the world with his new BFF, alien spider guy who speaks in musical notes. It’s up to them and them alone. Good luck, guys! Don’t forget that billions upon billions of lives depend on you. No pressure.

Seriously, if you loved The Martian, you’ll love Project Hail Mary. They’re similar, but Hail Mary is on a much larger scale than The Martian - there’s a lot more at stake in the hands of one guy. Plus: aliens!

Without spoiling anything, I’ll just say I would have loved more from the ending. I would’ve loved an epilogue from some of the other character’s perspectives or something. I mean, I could even go with a sequel! Maybe something where Erid and Earth are finally able to communicate? There’s a lot of potential for short stories or novellas set in the same world as Project Hail Mary - there’s got to be bonus material there and I want it. More, please? That’d be nice. I’d definitely read it. So... Hop to it, Weir!

One last complaint: Grace doesn’t swear. Like, at all. Meanwhile, Mark Watney is over here like

Come on, Grace, would it kill you to say “fuck” or “shit” every now and again? I mean, I sipped coffee that was too hot and let out a bunch of words that’d make a 19th century whaler blush. Geez.

RECOMMENDED FOR: Fans of The Martian, science-y people, people who enjoy a heavy dose of science in their sci-fi, people who just want a fun story

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: People with no mind for science, people who are against fun, anyone who doesn’t like sci-fi, aliens, fun, etc.

RATING: 4/5

ALIEN RATING:

RELEASE DATE: May 4, 2021 (HEY! Don’t think I didn’t see what you did there, too, Ballantine Books!)

ANTICIPATION LEVEL FOR SPINOFFS / SEQUELS / BONUS MATERIAL OF ANY KIND: Olympus Mons.

DID I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE?

#project hail mary #andy weir #fiction #book review #science fiction #hard science fiction #sff #sci-fi #tau ceti #rocky #adrian #hail mary #ryland grace #apocalyptic fiction #first contact #aliens #global dimming #astrophage

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wieisdemol2022 · 3 years

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Hints aflevering 4

Elke week sporen wij het internet af naar de beste hints en tips van de afgelopen aflevering en proberen wij alle hints te verifiëren. Heb je hints? Stuur deze vooral op, dat wordt erg gewaardeerd! Hier de hints van aflevering 4: Voor het zeggen.

Titel De titel van deze aflevering is ‘Voor het zeggen’ en dit betekend op zijn meest basale manier dat als iemand het voor het zeggen heeft de baas is of alles regelt. Met deze uitdrukking, maar ook met de wat letterlijke vertaling hebben wij enkele hints gevonden voor deze titel: - Splinter is de eerste kandidaat die in ieders hoofd schiet bij het zien van deze titel. Splinter heeft als penningmeester de belangrijke taak dat hij in zowel opdracht 1 als opdracht 2 de taakverdeling voor het zeggen had. - Een leukere hints is die naar Joshua, die voorleest in de bus en het daarmee voor het zeggen heeft (behalve voor Rocky die met een koptelefoon op ligt te slapen). - Dan nog een hint naar die laatste, Rocky haar stem is als eerste te horen in de aflevering en daarmee heeft ze het dus als eerst voor het zeggen.

Positie van de mol Wij vinden een handig hulpmiddel om de mol te ontmaskeren om na te denken over de positie die de mol in het spel zou innemen. Als ik de mol was, en mijn taak is het om zo min mogelijk geld in het laatje te brengen en anderen te saboteren zonder ontmaskerd te worden, hoe zou ik dan te werk gaan? En welke kandidaat neemt eenzelfde positie in?

Opdracht 1, Meeliften kent twee posities, één van de kandidaten in de lift, de kandidaten met algemene kennis die de vragen moeten beantwoorden, en één van de kandidaten buiten de lift die de vragen moeten stellen en antwoorden moeten opschrijven. Op beide plekken valt goed te mollen, zo kan je als kandidaat in de lift weinig antwoorden goed hebben, of op zijn minst geen hele vragen goed hebben (want die zijn €50 ipv 5 per vraag). Op basis van de analyse en dit schema van de Thermolmeter lijkt hierbij Renée vooral verdacht, maar is Joshua ook niet heel goed bezig. Nu moet hier wel bij aangegeven worden dat hier niet het hele bedrag gerepresenteerd is en dit dus een vertekend beeld kan geven. Wellicht wil de productie hiermee Renée dus heel verdacht maken. Maar in mijn opinie staat de mol bij de kandidaten buiten de lift. Hier kan je namelijk zonder gecontroleerd te worden antwoorden niet opschrijven, fout opschrijven en/of hele moeilijke of zelfbedachte vragen stellen. Dit zijn dus Splinter en Rocky.

Opdracht 2, Fotogenie(k) kent ook twee posities, opnieuw ingedeeld door penningmeester Splinter. Door de manier waarop hij de kandidaten indeelt is het lastig hem hier als molkandidaat uit te kiezen. Sowieso is mollen deze opdracht lastig gezien je in de keuze-positie niet super erg kan mollen want je wordt direct op de vingers gekeken, we zien Marije en Charlotte beide wel gekke dingen doen wat dat betreft. Als kandidaat-fotograaf kan je vage foto’s maken, dit wordt vooral door Splinter en Joshua gedaan. Maar de kans dat jou foto op het bordt komt is 5/7 (want maar 5 foto’s worden uitgekozen) en dan is het nog eens 1/5e kans dat jou foto als eerste wordt omgedraaid. De kans om te vertragen of te verwarren is dus klein. Ik vind het daarom lastig de kandidaat aan te wijzen die hier op de beste positie staat.

Opdracht 3, Vuur en vlam, kent meerdere posities en het is letterlijk een groepsprestatie. De enige positie waar je echt echt iets kan verpesten is bij de kaart. Hier staat op waar het geld te vinden is en als je dit verkeerd doorgeeft o.i.d. dan valt de hele opdracht in het water, dit gebeurt echter niet. De enige kandidaten die op andere redenen verdacht zijn zijn Renée, die tijd lijkt te rekken door het klooien met touwen en sloten, en Rocky, die de foutieve kokers verifieerd tegen Charlotte en daarmee de verwarring en mogelijkheid groter maakt om nog een nieuwe koker door te branden.

Wie is de mol niet? Een andere manier om achter de identiteit van de mol te komen is ook om andere kandidaten te elimineren als mol, niet alleen de kandidaten die afgevallen zijn, maar ook de kandidaten die zich bewezen hebben in de aflevering meer kandidaat als mol te zijn.

Als we puur afgaan op wat er deze aflevering is gebeurt dan hebben we deze aflevering alleen maar kandidaten die de mol niet zijn. Ze hebben alle opdrachten bijna optimaal gepresteerd en vooral Marije lijkt daar uit te springen. Ze heeft de meeste antwoorden gegeven in opdracht 1, de foto’s goed geraden in opdracht 2, en samen met Joshua de juiste kokers gepakt in opdracht 3. Of note: neem dit niet als een ultiem gegeven, ik heb namelijk het vermoeden dat volgende opdracht met het aanbod van Rik geld uit de pot gespeeld kan worden. De mol kan dus deze aflevering heel erg zijn/haar best gedaan hebben, maar er de volgende aflevering héél veel geld uitspelen.

Rode draad Elk jaar proberen we een soort rode draad door de afleveringen terug te vinden. In het jaar van Susan Visser waren er bijvoorbeeld veel vissen en vissers te zien. Zo proberen we elk jaar te kijken of er wellicht een terugkerend thema is waar we een hint naar de mol uit kunnen halen.

Ik ga beginnen met de kloken-theorie. Ik heb namelijk deze aflevering geen duidelijke klok in beeld gezien (correct me if I’m wrong), behalve de aftelklok bij opdracht 3. Die klok staat op 15:00 en op dit moment in de aflevering komt Rocky in beeld, met eerst Charlotte, dan Renée en dan Lakshmi lijkt deze rode draad dood te lopen.

Wat we wel nog hebben is de Joker-theorie. We hebben deze aflevering geen joker of joker-kaart in beeld gehad, maar we hebben wel weer de “joker-lach” gehoord. En deze keer kwam hij niet van Joshua, maar van Charlotte in de lift. De joker theorie is tot nu toe aan 2 (want lakshmi is afgevallen ☹) kandidaten gelinkt: - Roxanne “Rocky” Hehakaija, dit omdat Roxanne “Rocky” Ballantine een personage uit de film Batman is. - Joshua, dit omdat hij een aantal keer zijn “evil” lach laat horen, dit lijkt overeen te komen met de lach uit de leader. Maar ook omdat hij op Insta een foto laat zien met hem en zijn zoontje verkleed als Batman. En.. omdat hij zichzelf deze aflevering zelfs met Batman vergelijkt.

En herinner je nog dat ik zei “De mol staat nooit voor joker”. Er zijn in aflevering 1 een aantal kandidaten die niet voor joker stonden, dit waren Rocky, Marije en Renée. Deze zitten er alle drie nog in en ik heb echt het vermoeden dat één van deze drie dan ook de mol is.

Overige hints - Rocky geeft in de eerste opdracht een hele goede hint aan Joshua. Zo vraagt ze hem drie landen die beginnen met een ‘D’. Als Joshua vastloopt geeft ze de hint “Naast Haïti”, waar de Dominicaanse Republiek ligt. Een super goede hint dus, maar zou je dat doen als mol? - Ook opvallend deze opdracht is Joshua, die weer expres aan het kloten lijkt te zijn. - Dan nog één opmerking over Splinter. Splinter heeft de mogelijkheid de kandidaten in te delen, hij heeft een grote algemene kennis en lijkt ook goed te kunnen associëren. Wellicht moet hij als Charlotte, Marije en zijn vader Bart Chabot maar eens mee doen aan De Slimste Mens. Opvallend is dan wel dat hij zichzelf bij de vragenstellers indeelt. - Opvallend is natuurlijk ook dat Renée zo weinig in beeld komt, het kan heel goed zijn dat de productie haar verdacht wil laten lijken terwijl dit misschien dus niet zo is. En dit gebeurt natuurlijk vaker dus hou het in je achterhoofd bij het inzetten van de punten. - In opdracht 2 vielen Splinter en Joshua erg op door het maken van vage foto’s. Zo maakt Joshua een foto van een verwelkte bloemenkrans en linkt dit aan Renée (met een vage omschrijving als oud maar nog prachtig), en maakt Splinter o.a. de foto van het standbeeld van een man met een vierkant blok en een fontein voor Joshua, een foto van een beertje voor Renée, en een foto van bomen voor Lakshmi, beetje te veel associëren? - Joshua vergeet daarnaast ook nog eens een 7e foto te maken, nu zou dat geen probleem moeten zijn want er worden aar 5 foto’s uitgekozen. Ware het niet dat zijn lege-foto toch bij Lakshmi op het bord komt, mocht deze foto omgedraaid worden dan kost dit automatisch €50. En waarom wordt deze foto dan vervangen door het mol-logo? Natuurlijk omdat dat de meest logische oplossing in, maar wellicht een leuke hint naar Joshua.

- Dan Marije, ze lijkt de ideale kandidaat deze opdracht, ondanks dat ze aangeeft dat een extra foto “gratis” is, terwijl dit toch echt €50 kiest. Marije is enorm snel met het invullen van de kandidaat-namen en doet dit prima, daarnaast is ze ook snel met het aanwijzen van haar eigen foto’s en is daarmee vollop kandidaat. - De enige hint dit we dan nog aan Marije kunnen koppelen deze opdracht is de opmerking ��Hij (Joshua) ziet zichzelf als het prins op het witte paard” bij de foto van Joshua voor zichzelf. Ze weet echter niet dat Joshua deze foto zelf heeft gemaakt, of heeft ze voorkennis? - Een anti-mol actie naar Joshua in opdracht 3 dan, hij dringt aan geen andere kokers te pakken en voorkomt hiermee dat er mingeld in de pot komt. - Marije daarentegen is het nog aan het overwegen, en dit komt natuurlijk na de paniekactie van Charlotte (die ik toch oprecht over vindt komen) en de verificatie door Rocky die daarmee erg verdacht is. Zij gaat erg fanatiek in op de achterdocht van Charlotte en een mol zou dat ook doen om onrust te veroorzaken. - Daarentegen heeft Rocky wel de achterdocht Renée te controleren als ze loopt te klooien met sleutels, dit slot en de touwen krijgt ze snel los. Renée daarentegen lijkt tijd te rekken. - Splinter zegt dat hij niet van water houdt en doet als enige geen duikpak aan, Rik geeft aan dat de Mol en kandidaten als vuur en water zijn. Ook Marije en Charlotte geven aan niet van water te houden, maar bij Splinter is dit vooral opvallend omdat op zijn Insta toch een aardig aantal water-foto’s te vinden zijn waaronder onderstaande foto.

- Ik vond de biecht van Rocky opvallend op 13:09 als je het wil terugkijken. Ze heeft na opdracht 1 aan hoeveel geld er in de pot zit en dat ze dat fijn vind, want ze wil graag geld verdienen voor de pot en ze denkt dit zeker gedaan te hebben. De biecht lijkt alleen zo geacteerd. Alsof ze daarna doorgaat met haar praatje hoe ze dit de volgende aflevering er wel weer uit gaat halen. Geen doorgrondende hint dus, meer een gevoel. - Wel een wat doorgronderende hint is die voor Splinter, bij de uitleg van opdracht 2 staat hij achterin de groep. Op een gegeven moment zegt Rik “Splinter” en nodigt hem een paar seconden later uit naast hem te komen staan. Splinter begint echter al te lopen voordat Rik hem uitnodigt. Ik heb gekeken naar het geluid en de andere kandidaten of dit een foutje kan zijn bij editen maar dat lijkt hier niet aan de orde en zo kan het dus goed zijn dat Splinter al wist dat hij naar Rik moest komen en wijst dus op voorkennis. - Deze opdrachten lijken allemaal op spelletjes van tv. Zo wordt opdracht 1 gelinkt aan De Slimste Mens, opdracht 2 aan Het Perfecte Plaatje, en opdracht 3 aan Expeditie Robinson. Nu hebben Charlotte en Marije meegedaan aan De Slimste Mens maar is er voor de rest geen link te leggen. Maar, we kennen wel allemaal een kandidaat die in haar introductie het heel erg heeft op een spelletje en dit is Rocky, die haar eigen FiFa character heeft. Een mogelijke hint naar Rocky dus. - Dan de laatste hint van deze week en dit heeft te maken met de afvallers van deze afgelopen weken. Lakshmi, Florentijn en Erik hebben namelijk alle drie aangegeven Marije en Joshua te verdenken. Dit kan dus een grote hint zijn naar die twee als niet-mol zijnde. Volgende week maak ik trouwens de halfway-recap waarin ik ook de verdenkingen ga bespreken, daarin meer hierover!

Zijn jullie nog hints/tips opgevallen die wij hebben gemist? Laat het ons weten!

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www-islandofsodor · 4 years

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Perfect Sodor U.S voice cast (anyone not featured on this list will remain in the role as they were):

Yuri Lowenthal: Thomas

Sam Vincent: Percy

Christopher Daniel Barnes: Toby

Jeff Bergman: Eustace

Billy West: Howard

Dwight Schultz: Dwight

Sam Riegel: Derek the Paxman Diesel

Jeff Bennet: Billy & Duck the Great Western Engine

Mark Williams: Toad the Brakevan

Jennifer Hale: Mavis

Danica McKeller: Rosie

Jim Meskimen: Henry

David Kaye: Edward

Tom Kane: Mr. Fergus Duncan

Colm Feore: Willory the Furness Engine

Martin Freeman: William

Lucy Montgomery: Marigold the Quarry Crane (Merrick’s genderbent counterpart)

William Salyers: Dolgoch

Eddie Perino: James the Red Engine

Minty Lewis: Molly

Will Friedle: Bill

Jason Marsden: Ben

Clancy Brown: Boco

Jonathan Wilson: Patrick the Cement Mixer

Andrea Baker: Isabella the lorry

Jamie Watson: Bulstrode

Joe Pingue: Whiff the Garbage Engine

Jodi Benson: Old Slow Coach

Travis Willingham: Gordon the big engine

Troy Baker: Spencer the Private Engine

Rick Wasserman: Byron The Bulldozer

Josh Keaton: Jack the Front Loader

Lester Loren: Alfie the Excavator

John DiMaggio: Buster the Steamroller & Lord Callan

Mark Hamil: George the Steamroller

Pierce Brosnan: Murdoch

Thomas Middleditch: Stanley

Kevin Micheal Richardson: Max & Monty

Roz Ryan: Rosetta (Flora’s tram coach)

Kate Micucci: Flora the Great Waterton Steam Tram

Micheal Rosenbaum: Bernie the Bus (Formerly Bertie)

Sara Ballantine: Ali the bus (Formerly Algy)

Tom Kenny: Peter Sam

Jason Spisak: Sir Handel

Bob Joles: Bertram

Mike Judge: Hank

James Arnold Taylor: Dennis

Kari Walhgren: Emily the Sterling Engine

Kate Higgins: Pip & Emma

Susan Eisenberg: Kelly the Crane (genderbent)

Trevor Duvall: Smudger

Phil Lamar: Skarloey & Terence the Tractor

Dee Bradly Baker: Rheneas

Stephen Stanton: Fearless Freddie

Maurice LaMaurche: Mr. Hugh

Maria Canals-Barrera: Risty (genderbent/non-binary Rusty)

Frank Welker: The Duke of Boxford

Ted Atherton: Mighty

Danny Smith: Mac

Kath Souice: The Duchess of Boxford

Joe Swash: Stepney the bluebell engine

Steve Purcell: Cromford the bluebell engine

Michelle Aang: Bernice the GW Lemon drop engine

Mark Oliver: City of Truro

Alan Cumming: Lachlan

Neil Crone: Splatter

Kevin Frank: Dodge

Vanessa Marshall: Andrea the Narrow Gauge express engine

Colin McFarlane: Bert the diesel & Richard the new express engine

Greg Whalen: Duncan

Fred Tatasciore: Bear

Bill Hillfager: Ned the Steamshovel

Bob Golding: Eric

Grey Griffin: Bertha

Scott Thompson: Elizabeth

Tony Nappo: Cranky the Crane

Keith Scott: Diesel 10

Eric Roberts: Devious Diesel

Taliesin Jaffe: Arthur The LMS Engine

Christian Bale: Paxton

Jonny Harris: Oliver the Great Western Engine

Carlos Alazraqui: Douglas

Hank Azaria: Old Bailey

Tress MacNeille: Lily

Eddie Deezem: Fergus

David Tennant: Neville

Dominic Monaghan: Donald

David Menkin: Jeremy the Jet Plane

Nolan North: Porter

JB Blanc: Arry the diesel

David Foley: Mr. Percival

Siobhan Flynn: Miss Jenny Packard

Nicola Stapleton: Sydney the forgetful diesel (genderbent)

Danielle Judovits: Ivy (genderbent Ivo Hugh)

Cam Clarke: Orlando the Excavator

Emma Thompson: Gwen (genderbent Den)

Leigh-Allyn Baker: Colleen the Wharf Crane (genderbent Colin)

Jess Harnell: Nelson

Erica Lindbeck: Franny (genderbent Fred the diesel)

Greg Cipes: Ryan

Ashley Johnson: Rebecca

Laura Bailey: Annie & Clarabel

Aries Spears: Horrid Lorries

Gary Anthony Williams: Jem Cole

Rupert Degas: Trevor the traction engine

Rob Paulson: Reverend Charles Laxly- Vicar of Wellsworth

Henry Ian Cusick: Harold the Helicopter

Paul Dobson: Duke the lost engine

Tara Strong: Nancy (a conductor’s daughter)

Jules De Jongh: Maya Sarrengato (mayoress of Great Waterton)

Scott McNeil: Rocky the Crane

Joe Mills: Jock

Peter McNicol: Spamcan

Mick Wingert: Flynn the Firetruck

Olivia DeAbo: Olivia the Arlesdale tank engine

Robin Atkin Downes: Cyril the Arlesdale diesel & Boxhill (Stepney’s twin brother)

Rob Rackshaw: Frank the diesel

Sara Cravens: Audrey Balsinde (deputy mayoress of Great Waterton)

Jaime Pressly: Caroline the car

#planetsodor #thomas and friends #fancast #us voice actors #perfect casting

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dragonmp93 · 4 years

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You know, i think that the less stupid way that the CW can do the change of Batwoman from Kate to Ryan is turning it into a collective identity, like it happened in Batman: Mistery of the Batwoman.

This is a movie belonging to the DCAU (you know, the Justice League, Batman Beyond, the 90′s cartoons of Batman and Superman) from a couple of years before Kate was formally reintroduced in the Post-Crisis comics.

So to spoil the decade and half old movie, the movie is about Batman trying to figure out who is this costumed vigilante known as Batwoman, and then finding out that actually the three main suspected women are working together to achieve their mutual goals of revenge, explaining the seemly inhuman combat prowess, agility and durability.

So, Kathy Duquesne,(DC higher ups didn’t allowed them to use Kathy Kane because of this Batwoman’s brutality, so she was changed to a rich socialite and daughter of a mafia boss), GCPD Detective Sonia Alcana and Wayne Tech scientist Roxanne "Rocky" Ballantine, respectively were a team and all used the same identity and outfit, plus other things like a voice modulator.

So, given Ryan’s description, and that other character have already used the Bat-suit besides Kate; Batwoman becoming a collective identity where more than one character is officially Batwoman is probably the only way that i see this working.

#batwoman #kate kane #the cw #batwoman cw #batwomancw

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ao3feed-brucewayne · 2 years

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The Gotham Knight

by AZ23AJ

A new kind of bat coming to a world where Bruce never became Batman and we shall see how this one does in this world.

Words: 30972, Chapters: 6/?, Language: English

Fandoms: DCU (Comics), Batman - All Media Types

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: F/F, F/M

Relationships: OC/Harem, others TBA

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/43106040

#IFTTT #bruce wayne #batman #the dark knight #the cape crusader #gotham #dc universe #ao3 #ao3feed

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sallyhasopinions · 3 years

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Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman

Today I was trying to ease myself back into this whole process after skipping a day by choosing a shorter movie than average, the 2003 direct-to-video Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman. This was a mistake, as it took me in the neighborhood of four hours to watch it and take notes. This movie is an hour and fifteen minutes in length, but I take notes like I’m going to be tested later and I had to keep pausing to catch up. It’s animated and filled with superheroes, so the pacing was faster than I was prepared for.

Spoilers below; you’ve been warned.

I took fifteen pages of notes for this plot description.

Note - In the interest of relative brevity I am going to assume that readers have at least a passing familiarity with Batman.

The film opens on a seemingly innocuous car hauler and following car driving through the night before being intercepted by a mysterious Bat~woman~, who interferes with the disguised cargo, revealing it to be weaponry, and battles the men in both vehicles. This fight draws the attention of Batman and Robin, coincidentally cruising by in their jet, who interfere to save the lives of the truck drivers and make note of this mysterious woman who is totally jacking their brand.

As Bats stresses over who could possibly be behind the mask, the Penguin is visited by criminal colleagues Thorne and Duquesne, who break the news about the ruined shipment and the newest Bat on the block. The Batwoman also appears on the news, and Commissioner Gordon even questions Batman directly about who she is, though he has no information.

At Wayne Tech, Bruce sits through a presentation by clumsy employee Dr. Roxanne (Rocky) Ballantine, where she demonstrates a new alloy of “programmable” metal that can be made to take different shapes. Bruce invites her to dinner, but their evening is interrupted by the appearance of the Bat-Signal.

Commissioner Gordon, along with detectives Sonia Alcana and Bullock, have recovered the weapons destroyed in Batwoman’s battle and identified them as high-tech plasma rifles of unknown origin. Batman deduces from the distinctive keychain holding the truck’s keys that they have come from a business owned by the Penguin, Thorne, and Duquesne.

Investigating the shady business, Batman and Robin find Batwoman already there and causing trouble. The boys step in to help when she is surrounded by thugs, only to find out from her that she has rigged bombs in the rooms below them, and they all need to make their escape. As the building is destroyed, she explains that they were manufacturing weapons for illegal export. Batman demands to know who she is, but she tells him he’ll have to figure it out himself and escapes. He tracks her to Duquesne’s home, where he gets into a tussle with some bodyguards and Duquesne himself demands that Batman leave his property.

Now suspecting Duquesne’s daughter Kathy to be the Batwoman, Bruce and Alfred spend the next day tailing her as she goes on a shopping spree. She incidentally recruits Bruce to help her escape her bodyguards in a shopping center, and he agrees. The two of them speed off in her car and she tells him about herself, her mother, and how she blames her father for her mother’s death before they are located by her bodyguards and she agrees to go home.

Batman immediately passes on his suspicions about Kathy and her potential motive of revenge for her mother’s death to Commissioner Gordon, Sonia, and Bullock, and shares the information regarding the Penguin’s illicit weapons factory. The police put a tail on Kathy while Bruce researches her on his own.

Batwoman breaks into Thorne’s office to photograph evidence from his files as Thorne and the Penguin decide their next steps in completing their arms deal in light of the destruction of their factory. She is discovered, but escapes after a scuffle with the men. Later, Kathy overhears her father Duquesne raging as he discovers that the Penguin, with Thorne’s support, has called in additional help to complete the deal.

At Wayne Tech, Rocky shows Robin how to reach a game’s bonus level. Bruce reminds him that Alfred is waiting for him. Rocky tells Bruce she has been working late, but their casual chat is interrupted by the arrival of Kathy Duquesne, who has dressed up and come to ask Bruce out that evening.

Sonia and Bullock follow Kathy and Bruce to the Iceberg Lounge, a club owned by the Penguin and filled with Duquesne’s associates. They are greeted warmly by the Penguin himself. Bruce asks Kathy about her intentions in bringing him to a place full of her father’s associates that are sure to report to him, and she takes offense to his tone and excuses herself from their table. Meanwhile, the Penguin takes a telephone call from his new associate, who has agreed to assist with their arms deal and will meet him at the club shortly. Batwoman, lurking in the shadows of the Penguin’s office, is spotted as he completes his phone call. She restrains him with a metallic device and begins questioning him about his new associate, but the Penguin manages to push a panic button under his desk, causing two of his lackeys to come to his aid just as he reveals that it is Bane who will be helping to facilitate the arms deal.

The fight that ensues sends Batwoman through the office wall and crashing onto the club’s dance floor, causing immediate chaos and confusion. Sonia and Bullock outside the club call for backup as patrons flee the continuing battle. Just as the Penguin has Batwoman cornered, Batman swoops in to prevent him from shooting her. Batwoman is able to escape and as she flies away, Batman sees that Kathy is standing in a nearby doorway - she cannot have been Batwoman. Distracted by this revelation, Batman is caught off-guard by a chair to the back and is knocked into the pool at the center of the club. The Penguin starts shooting into the water as Batman sets up an underwater explosive to destroy the pool and serve as a distraction to allow him to slip away.

Bruce escorts Kathy safely home, where they exchange apologies about the evening at the door. They nearly kiss, but are interrupted when one of the bodyguards enters and tells her that Duquesne is looking for her. Kathy leaves with the bodyguard once again.

Batman and Sonia discuss the information they’ve uncovered at the lounge. Sonia points out that Kathy must not be Batwoman as they were seen at the lounge at the same time. Bruce provides Sonia with a piece of the restraining device that Batwoman had used on the Penguin as a piece of potential evidence. Sonia intimates that Batman saved her life nine years prior, during an arson fire set by Thorne’s lackeys, and that this incident is what led to her becoming a detective. Working in the batcave, Bruce identifies the material used in Batwoman’s restraining device as the same programmable alloy that Rocky was working with at Wayne Tech.

Rocky goes to prison visitation to see her boyfriend Kevin, who has been serving the past four years after being convicted of a crime actually committed by the Penguin. She tells him she is trying to get someone who works for the Penguin to talk, and Kevin expresses his displeasure that she is putting herself in danger by spying on known criminals. Kevin breaks up with her, telling her not to waste her time when it will be another five years before he will even be eligible for parole. She returns home and finds Batman waiting for her. He accuses her of being Batwoman, explaining he is aware that her boyfriend was framed and that he has found her more advanced designs for her alloy on her home computer. Rocky denies that she has done anything illegal, and Batman warns her about the dangers of continued vigilantism as Batwoman.

Thorne and the Penguin meet up with Duquesne to go meet with their new associate, tailed by Batwoman. After discussing the terms of their agreement, Bane and the Penguin go over their plans to transport the weapons that night, sailing them out to international waters onboard a luxury cruise ship. Batwoman listens in.

Batman abruptly realizes that he knew Rocky’s whereabouts during one of the previous Batwoman sightings, thus she cannot have been Batwoman either. Alfred passively remarks that she can’t be in two places at once unless she has the power to duplicate herself, causing Batman to consider that Kathy and Rocky could both be using the Batwoman persona. He asks Robin to investigate any possible link between the two women and goes to search for further evidence himself.

Batwoman returns to her secret lair with the details of the criminals’ plans in hand. Rocky appears from the shadows and says that Batman is onto her and will surely ruin their plans. As she worries, Kathy also enters the scene and agrees with her that Batman has been catching on too quickly. Batwoman points out that he thought Kathy was Batwoman only two days before and was now accusing Rocky, so he would probably move on to suspecting someone else soon. Removing her mask, Batwoman - revealed to be Sonia - assures them that she would know about it if he had any new theories. They are too close to success to quit now, and just have to stop the shipment tonight.

Batman breaks into Kathy’s room and begins searching for evidence that might tie her to Rocky or the Batwoman persona. As he stands in her art studio, flipping through her sketchbook, Robin contacts him to report that he has found no connection between them. Batman, however, recognizes one of the sketches, and tells Robin that the two women just needed someone to introduce them.

Kathy and Sonia review their plans to infiltrate the cruise ship carrying the weapons. Rocky provides Kathy with a bomb to destroy the weapons onboard, and Kathy sets out as Batwoman to disrupt the shipment. She boards just as the ship is leaving the harbor and successfully reaches the weapons cache, but as she is preparing to set the explosive she is suddenly attacked by Bane.

Thorne, the Penguin, and Duquesne are waiting for word of their success when the telephone rings. Bane has called them to report that he has captured the Batwoman and is waiting for them in the harbor. The three men hurry to leave.

Sonia is watching the ship from a rooftop when Batman joins her and accuses her of knowing Kathy. He shows her the drawing from Kathy’s sketchbook - a younger Sonia - and says that the two of them took art classes together. He then accuses that she also knows Rocky, Sonia attempts to deny this, but Batman knows that they were roommates as college freshmen. He continues his accusations by identifying her as the mastermind of their Batwoman scheme. Sonia, obligingly, delivers her Motive Rant about her desire to get revenge on Thorne for having ruined her parents’ business with his arson fire. As they stand in a moment of tension, Sonia’s phone rings. Rocky has called to report that something has gone terribly wrong with their plan, and asks Sonia what they are going to do.

The Penguin, Thorn, and Duquesne take a speedboat to rendezvous with the cruise ship in the harbor. Unknown to them, Batman and Robin follow via submarine. Onboard the cruise ship, the trio meet with Bane, who has captured Batwoman. Bane explains that he called them once he figured out who she was, and removes Batwoman’s mask, revealing Kathy to her father and his associates. Thorne and the Penguin immediately accuse Duquesne of duplicity, while Bane shows them the bomb she intended to plant onboard.

Duquesne and Kathy argue bitterly about their mutual feelings of betrayal. The Penguin realizes that he also saw Kathy and Batwoman at the club at the same time, and thus she must have accomplices. He threatens her with toxic gases, much to the dismay of Duquesne. Bane restrains Duquesne while the Penguin continues interrogating her, only to be interrupted once again by the arrival of Batman, who disarms Thorne and begins to battle Bane. Kathy, her hands cuffed behind her back, manages to kick the Penguin away and get her shackled hands in front of her before Batman grabs her mid-Tarzan Swing. They flee as Thorne shoots one of the plasma rifles at them, causing large amounts of destruction.

Bane contacts the crew to have them begin sailing out towards international waters as quickly as possible. Robin tails the cruise ship in the submarine, while in-costume Rocky and Sonia fly in, awaiting a signal from Batman. Thorne and Duquesne argue, while the Penguin notices that the bomb is missing, causing Bane to threaten Duquesne. Batman and Kathy have escaped to an engine room, where he removes her handcuffs and informs her that her friends are here to rescue her. Kathy plants the bomb, warning him that it can’t be removed without detonating and they now have two minutes before the explosion.

Thorne and the Penguin retreat to the speedboat, where they are spotted by the other Batwomen, who disarm them and demand to know Kathy’s location. Kathy and Batman escape to an outer pool deck, only to discover a chained and beaten Duquesne being swung above the pool by Bane. Bane tosses Duquesne into the pool, and Kathy dives in after him while Batman meets Bane. Underwater, Kathy attempts to unchain her father while Batman and Bane fight. When Bane is knocked from the higher deck of the ship while tangled in his own chain, Duquesne and Kathy are both rapidly pulled out of the water. Batman manages to ensure that they are on the deck before the bomb detonates, knocking him off the higher deck.

There are several inexplicable explosions that follow the bomb blast. Fire rapidly overtakes the weapon stores, which leads to another, larger explosion. The crew abandons ship. Rocky is seen flying with her cape and cowl on fire, which she removes. Sonia has been knocked into the water by the blast. Rocky swims to rescue her, but the Penguin spots her from the speedboat and attempts to run them over. Robin deflects the speedboat with the submarine, and takes Sonia aboard, leaving Rocky free to pursue the speedboat.

Bane and Batman continue their battle, which Batman, outmatched and injured, attempts to flee. Kathy is dangling by her cape from a piece of debris over a crater in the damaged ship. Duquesne looks over the ledge above her, sees her in this predicament, and crawls away. Her cape begins tearing, and she struggles to hold onto it, until a life ring is thrown down. Kathy grabs onto the life ring and Duquesne hauls her up to safety.

Thorne and the Penguin lament the sinking ship as they depart on the speedboat, commenting that at least it will take some Bats with it as it sinks. Rocky suddenly grapples onto the back of their boat from her rocket glider. Thorne attempts to shoot her down, but she uses the cable to entangle a buoy, which jerks the speedboat to a sudden stop and throws Thorne and the Penguin into the harbor.

Batman and Bane continue to fight, with Batman deploying a restraint device much like the one previously used on the Penguin by Batwoman. This manages to incapacitate Bane long enough that Batman can grapple himself away just before the ship strikes a bridge and runs aground. The impact causes Bane to fall into a pit of fire that is entirely without context. Batman dangles from his grappling device attached to the bridge, injured by Bane and struggling to hold on. Sonia, on her own rocket glider, manages to rescue him before he falls into the flaming debris below. Rocky and Sonia, Batman in tow, both confirm that Kathy and Duquesne are secure on another boat. Firefighters attempt to extinguish the blazing wreck as Commissioner Gordon and Detective Bullock observe the scene from a police boat. Sonia, unmasked, flies over to them to deliver the injured Batman to Commissioner Gordon.

At police headquarters, Sonia packs up her desk. Batman appears and expresses his belief that the city is losing a good cop with her exit. She reminds him that she is lucky she is not being prosecuted for her actions. Batman gives her an envelope, which he explains contains exculpatory evidence that will allow Rocky’s boyfriend Kevin to be released, and leaves.

Rocky and Kathy loiter outside the prison. Kathy explains that she used to hate her father, but now feels sorry for him since he’s been locked up. She inquires about Bruce, who she says has not been in contact with her since their disastrous date. The pair are interrupted by Kevin, freshly released. He and Rocky embrace, apparently no longer broken up. Kathy leaves them, only to find Bruce leaning against her car, waiting for her. The two of them drive off together as the credits music begins.

Do I even have the energy to review this?

It’s now been seven hours since I started watching this movie, which I was neither over- nor underwhelmed by. Consider me demiwhelmed maybe. The scene at the Iceberg Lounge includes an inexplicable pop song called Betcha Never which is performed by a cartoon cameo of the actual artist, Cherie, who was not to my knowledge even remotely recognizable or notable to the target audience of animated Batman films at the time. Overall it has not aged super well.

The Metrics:

Bechdel Test: Failed. The three women don’t get a ton of screen time together, and when they do, they are exclusively talking about men.

Mako Mori Test: Failed. Each of these women is motivated solely by a desire to act against men who have wronged them, and do so whilst partially usurping the identity of another man. One of them is acting against a man who wronged another man and not herself.

Representation, etc:

For a movie that’s nominally about three women it’s kind of a shitshow in how it perceives and portrays women, even aside from the issues of their motivations mentioned above. Kathy is a major victim of this in particular.

Early on in the film, Alfred makes a reference to the Rudyard Kipling poem The Female of the Species. This is a fairly common cultural reference, but a sexist poem espousing sexist views.

Kathy Duquesne is shown to be an avid and frivolous shopping enthusiast. At one point, while shopping, she says “Worst thing that could happen is I’ll need a size eight,” which is one of the most disturbingly open instances of body-shaming I’ve ever heard in media meant for CHILDREN.

Kathy is catcalled repeatedly by men who are presumably associates of her FATHER at the Iceberg Lounge, and this is not treated as harmful or even particularly bothersome to her.

Kathy’s father literally raises his hand to backhand her and tells her to shut up after she has been unmasked. This is, again, children’s media.

Bruce receives a brief call from Barbara Gordon in which she behaves jealously about the idea of a Batwoman and is openly flirtatious with him. Bruce appears to be in his 30s, Barbara is away at college and presumably no older than 21. Bruce gets out of this conversation by rustling papers and pretending his cell signal is breaking up.

All three female characters have essentially identical body models and extremely similar facial features. It would be extremely difficult to tell them apart if they weren’t designed as a white/black/latina trio.

When Rocky rescues Sonia who is at risk of drowning in the harbor, the way they are drawn and physically interact seems very much a creation by and for the male gaze. They also somehow manage to float in the water at about lower ribcage level, keeping those breasts well above the surface in clear defiance of the laws of physics.

There’s a ~fun~ little nugget of homophobia at one point when Rocky and Bruce are chatting. Rocky mentions that she is working late, but her boyfriend is very understanding. She then asks, “what about yours?” Before Bruce even reacts, she panics and corrects herself, clarifying that she meant girlfriend. Bruce, to his credit, responds that he doesn’t have anybody special.

Final Scores:

Deaths: Batman doesn’t like killing people, so probably none. Bane did fall in that weird pit of flames though.

Smooches: None. Nearly one, interrupted.

Sex: None; this is for kids.

Substance Use/Abuse: Nope.

Violence: Moderate to heavy by kids standards, but I’d say about average for the superhero genre.

Profanity: None.

Watch with Kids: I have real problems with the way women are portrayed in this and I probably wouldn’t let a child watch it.

Watch with Parents: Nothing in here is NSFP.

Sally Says: This is probably for DCAU/Batman fans only. Y’all, it’s been over nine hours since I started watching this freaking movie. It’s technically tomorrow for me now.

#movie review #film review #movies #films #dcau #review #bechdel fail #mako mori fail #batman mystery of the batwoman #sally has opinions

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