#SINCE IT'S BEEN SMOOTH SAILING I WOULD LEAVE IF ONLY I COULD FIND A REASON IM MEAN BECAUSE I GREW UP IN NEW ENGLAND!!!

[hella1975]

noah kahan really said growing up in a small, bitter hometown is about the rage and the hatred that's been sung about many times before but it's also about love and devotion and the 'all three of us were drowning and we didn't know how to save each other but there was an understanding that we were all drowning together' of it all and knowing people so intimately yet not being able to help anyone and he's morally grey at best in a lot of his songs and objectively the bad guy in others and that's just how it is and it's about substance abuse and normalised crime and teen suicide and country roads and failed exams and leaving and being left and love and hate and love and hate and love and

#anyway. listening to orange juice again. like it's my fault #girls when growing sideways and view between villages and northern attitude and homesick and stick season come on #like new england must actually be called that for a reason bc you cant convince me this guy isnt actually secretly singing about england #like even when he sings about the WEATHER im like !!! this guy gets it fr!!! #IM TIRED OF DIRT ROADS NAMED AFTER HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND'S GRANDFATHERS AND MOTHERFUCKERS HERE DONT KNOW #THEY CAUGHT THE BOSTON BOMBERS TIME MOVES SO DAMN SLOW I SWEAR I FEEL MY ORGANS FAILING I STOPPED CARING ABOUT A MONTH AGO #SINCE IT'S BEEN SMOOTH SAILING I WOULD LEAVE IF ONLY I COULD FIND A REASON IM MEAN BECAUSE I GREW UP IN NEW ENGLAND!!! #or the entirety of growing sideways. divvied up my anger into 30 seperate parts keep the bad shit in my liver and the rest around my heart #r u even listening. what the hell #HONEY COME OVEERRRRRR THE PARTY'S GONE SLOWERRR AND NO ONE WILL TEMPT YOU WE KNOW YOUVE GONE SOBER <- sobbing #noah kahan #stick season

[zukkaoru]

forgot how hard noah kahan went with homesick. this song should be illegal

#the weather ain't been bad if you're into masochistic bullshit #i stopped caring bout a month ago since then it's been smooth sailing #i would leave if only i could find a reason #i got dreams BUT I CAN'T MAKE MYSELF BELIEVE THEM #SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH WHAT COULD'VE BEEN. AND I WILL DIE IN THE HOUSE I GREW UP IN. #i'm homesick. i'm home‚ sick. #i'm having a normal day btw. don't worry about it #hello grace here

[kooktrash]

love lies | jeon jungkook [2]

summary: an arrogant womanizer who’s spent his life numb to love. an unlovable romantic who’s been hurt one too many times. he’s your friend’s ex boyfriend and soon everyone will find out about your lies.

warnings: 14.9k. angst. smut. yandere jungkook. college student au. rich kid jungkook. f!reader. unhealthy attachment. manipulation. gaslighting. slutshaming. toxic friendships. implied emotional trauma from both ends. daddy issues/mommy issues. jungkook dated your friend. stalking. strange behavior in relationship. oral [both receiving] and probs a lot more warnings. series.

song inspo: tv — billie eilish

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Something dark was dancing its way into him. He’s never considered himself a good guy but now he feels that’s even further than the truth. He wants to be a good guy for you and he’d do anything to achieve that but you can’t forget his true character. You’re making him work for it after he thought it’d be smooth sailing. After sleeping with you, he didn’t want to leave your bed. He was ready to ditch classes the next day and keep you all to himself. The only reason he rushed out the next morning is because you missed your alarm and needed to get to class. He drove you to your campus and begged to see you yesterday but you had work and refused to call in for him. Today you had plans with your stupid ass friends.

Now he’s stuck at some strip club with friends while his eyes stayed glued to his phone. He was waiting for a text from you telling him when he could come over but he knows it’ll be some time before that happens. For now he’s stuck here with these guys.

“You know, Kook, you’re starting to worry me,” Jimin said as he leaned over the table to wave a hand in front of Jungkook’s face, “Who’s got you so focused on your phone tonight that you can’t pay attention to the dancers?” Jimin was sandwiched between two exotic dancers in lingerie who wrinkled his Givenchy suit. He motioned for the one closest to Jungkook to pay him attention but Jungkook didn’t even react. Instead, he zoomed in on your location on Find My IPhone.

He convinced you to share locations with him since he’d be picking you up from campus and work now. Technically, you’ve only been dating a couple days but Jungkook doesn’t know how to take things slow. He copied the address it showed you were at and went to Safari to paste it. You were currently at some restaurant probably sitting across the table from that mystery guy Yeonwoo was trying to set you up with. He could easily show up and announce the two of you were dating but you told him if he did that then you’d end things right there. Apparently you needed time before admitting your relationship with him.

Too focused on letting his mind conjure up worst case scenarios, a cold liquid was drenching his designer jeans. His eyes narrowed looking over to the dancer who knocked over his drink all over his lap. Her eyes widened, “I’m so sorry sir, I—“

“Go,” was all he said before the girl was scurrying away. Fuck he didn’t even want to be here, he wanted to be with you. The only reason he came out tonight is because he didn’t want to be home alone. Since the only person he wanted to sleep with was busy and not a single girl on his phone interested him, he didn’t have anyone else to be with but his friends. He even asked them to go somewhere else but they said no.

It’s not like he hasn’t been to a strip club while in a relationship. Hell, half the time when Soomin would annoy the fuck out of him, he’d leave with his friends to one. He’d let girls give him lap dances and whisper dirty things in his ear all while his girlfriend was crying because of the things he told her. The only tears he wanted to make you shed would be from how good he’s fucking you. Three rounds, that’s how much you went at it the other day and it still wasn’t enough for him. He needed more.

“You’ve got a new play thing or something?” Hoseok asked trying to peak at Jungkook’s phone but he just turned it away as he began texting you. He shook his head, “My girlfriend’s not a play thing.”

“That’s a first,” Jin chuckled earning a glare from the younger that had him smiling, “I’m just saying. You don’t have a good track record when it comes to relationships. You break more hearts than Jimin here.”

“We’re different though. I’m at least considerate,” Jimin joked but didn’t deny the notion that he was equally as much of a womanizer as Jungkook, “He’ll treat a girl like shit then ghost her without an explanation.” Jungkook rolled his eyes reading over his text waiting to see when you’d open it. You had your read receipts off and he didn’t like that. He had to know if you were ignoring him or not.

“Who’s the new one this time?” Hoseok asked trying to get Jungkook’s attention again but you had responded and he was focusing on that instead as he muttered, “Y/n.”

“Why does that name sound familiar?” Jin asked looking at the other two for answers but they both seemed equally confused. You met his friends only one time when Soomin invited you to a party with him and her at Hoseok’s place. He was very happy to have you as a plus one to him and Soomin that night. He had an excuse to pay attention to you since Soomin told him he had to make you feel comfortable because they were his friends. God, he really never realized how much you meant to him until just a week ago when he saw you after months of thinking about you. He didn’t even care if you had had a boyfriend, he would’ve worked his way around that.

“Wait a damn minute, is that Soomin’s friend? That girl you used to date?” Jimin cut in with an amused smile, “You dog. You broke the girl’s heart and now you’ve gotta break her friend’s too?” Jungkook rolled his eyes, leg bouncing anxiously watching the three dots appear in your gray text bubble waiting for your response. Jin’s brows furrowed observing his friend’s strange behavior. Usually when a girl is blowing up Jungkook’s phone he blocks them without another word. He says he doesn’t have the patience for someone clingy and yet here he is only thinking about wanting to see you. And he’s getting annoyed that you keep telling him not tonight. He wants to see you now while you’re out having lunch with two guys, Yeonwoo’s boyfriend or not, he’s still another guy Jungkook has to worry about. If he had a small crush on you while dating Soomin, who knows what other guy in a relationship feels the same. He couldn’t take his chances.

He tilted his neck in a stretch to rid the tension in his muscles. Your most recent text was bothering him.

jungkook: what are you doing rn

you: just got to the bar with Soomin

jungkook: barely? who’s all there

you: me, yeonwoo, soomin, namjoon and taehyung

jungkook: who’s taehyung

you: namjoon’s friend

jungkook: the guy yeonwoo wants to set you up with?

jungkook: where are you

jungkook: I’m picking you up

“Earth to Y/n,” Soomin said as the five of you sat around a table all with drinks in your hands. You just finished dinner with the others and Soomin met up with you all at the bar. Like usual, you hugged and said the typical ‘omg I missed you’ before moving on. During dinner you actually enjoyed talking to Taehyung. He was charming and attractive so you understood why Yeonwoo kept pushing you toward him but things were complicated. You looked up at Soomin setting your phone facing down on the table, “What happened?”

“Who’s blowing up your phone?” She asked with an amused smile but you could feel Yeonwoo’s stare toward you. You blinked in thought, “My coworker. He’s trying to switch shifts but I don’t want to.”

“Where do you work?” Taehyung asked and you were thankful he was stopping anymore questions Soomin or Yeonwoo might have. You turned to look at him with a smile, “I work at this clothing store by my apartment. It’s small but pretty popular.”

“How many people work there?” He asked clearly interested. You had a feeling he was a little interested in you but there was nothing you could do. You cleared your throat, “Three of us aside from the owners.” Your phone buzzed once more and everyone heard the echo of the vibration on the table.

jungkook: or should I just show up and see for myself?

you: :( can you just come over later? no need to come get me

jungkook: you don’t want to see me?

you: I do but I’m busy

jungkook: too busy for me? :( and with another guy

you: fine come get me

jungkook: perfect. be there in ten

Your brows furrowed, where was he that he was so close? You looked up, your eyes meeting Yeonwoo’s who smiled, “Come with me to get another drink.” You bit your lips nervously nodding your head and following after her. The two of you got to the bar and waiting for her to put her order in was giving you anxiety because you knew she wanted to talk. She looked over to you, “You’ve been acting weirder than usual.”

“How?” You asked looking down at your phone and checking the time. She gave a shrug of her shoulders stopping to pay for her drink and turned to you again, “You’re acting like you’re in another relationship with another asshole.”

“I know how you get when you’re seeing someone. You get antsy and suspicious like you’re doing something wrong—which you are,” Yeonwoo said firmly, “Not that getting in relationships is wrong obviously but it’s the guys you tend to go for who are. I don’t want you to tell me who you’re seeing but I have my own suspicions. I won’t tell anyone but just don’t leave us—me—out. I’m looking out for you, I know I can be hard on you sometimes but it’s because you’re my best friend now.”

“I’m not shutting anyone out,” you tried focusing on one thing she said at a time. You had to be careful with your responses and not expose yourself. You already know how she’d react if she found out you were seeing Jungkook.

“Yeah, whenever you’re in a relationship you act different. Just two weeks ago you were crying your eyes out because of Doyoung, and now you’re completely fine?” Yeonwoo said , “What is wrong with you?”

You didn’t say anything. It’s easy for you to come off as weak and that’s the way everyone saw you. You’re the one too stupid, too naive, too weak, too wrong. It’s pretty much all you heard for a very long time so hearing that sort of thing from your friend didn’t really phase you. You knew that nothing you did would make them happy and you know she only kept you around because she pitied you. It’s why she spends so much time derailing you on everything you do being wrong. Even if majority of the time she was a bitch to you, you cherished the small times you actually had a good time together. And maybe it’s your fault by clinging onto the good to ignore how bad the bad was.

You just really didn’t want to lose people in your life because then what would you become? You’re pretty much useless in your own eyes so what’s wrong with letting the people around use you too? Hell, Jungkook was probably using you too and you were letting him, and why?

Because it means you’re wanted.

For a long time you strived for perfection in relationships. Any form of relationship actual. The perfect child. Perfect student. Perfect friend. Perfect girlfriend. You’d given up on the first two long ago when nothing you did meant shit to your mother and it had just gotten too exhausting. Then you were too stupid depressed to focus on your grades and there went your imagination as the perfect student. You knew long before fucking Jungkook that you weren’t a good friend so what was all that was left? Being the perfect girlfriend. So would you really care about your friend’s judging your dating history when you’re determined to find the right one?

You’re not saying it’s Jungkook but what if it is? Maybe it was just bad luck that he was Soomin’s ex. From the way you saw him act with Soomin, he hasn’t done with you. Maybe you’re in the honeymoon phase but you wouldn’t know until you stuck it out. Plus, you kind of really liked him and how interested in you he seemed to be.

“And I’m a little upset you won’t even give Taehyung a chance. He’s a great guy,” Yeonwoo said ignoring your silence, used to your disassociating and just moved on. You began walking back to where the others were. You knew Taehyung was great, you figured that out tonight for yourself but you’re not thinking about him right now. You’re supposed to be in a new relationship with Jungkook. The only reason you agreed on the double date before Soomin came by was because you had already said yes to it before Jungkook asked you out.

Just as you got to the table, your phone buzzed with a text from Jungkook saying he was outside. You looked to all the others as Yeonwoo took her seat, “I think I’m gonna go. I’ll see you in class?”

Your cold eyes met hers as you started gathering your things. Soomin looked to you worried, “How are you getting home? The last bus passed already.”

“I’ll get a cab,” you said as you smiled letting it light your whole face but it was forced. “Well, bye.”

You weren’t even ten feet away from the table when you could hear Soomin ask, “Does Y/n have another boyfriend?” You didn’t hear Yeonwoo’s response but frankly you didn’t care. You understood where she’s coming from but it’s unfair and total bullshit to you. You were younger than the others so they always tried ‘looking out for you’ but in reality it was just an excuse they used to try and get you to do what they want. Like, Yeonwoo complains about the fact that you’re always in a new relationship meanwhile she’s trying to get you to go out with Taehyung. The way you two talked was like old friends, not people sexually attracted to each other.

Just outside the bar you found Jungkook. He was looking down at his phone and part of you wished he would’ve just waited in the car. You’re not embarrassed to be with him, the contrary actually. Girls turned their heads left and right to see him and yet you’re the one with him no matter how new everything was. You just didn’t want to risk your friends knowing more. Plus, right now you’re not even sure if he wants you. For all you know, he can dump you in a week because you’re too needy. Then everyone would hate you for even dating him and that’s why you think you should keep it on the low till you know he actually wants to be with you. The only way to find that out is by expecting the most show of affection from him.

Jungkook looked to his left at the exact moment you’d gotten to the sidewalk heading in his direction. He couldn’t help the way his tongue poked against his cheek in irritation at the sight. You wore a pretty little dress that he adored on you but you weren’t wearing it for Jungkook. You were wearing it for that guy Yeonwoo was trying to set you up with. He forced his rising jealous down as he attempted a smile to brighten his appearance. He put his phone away moving to meet you halfway and though you went for a small hug, he crouched down so his arms could wrap around your thighs lifting you up as he leaned upward for a kiss. You met him with half-assed effort practically leaning away from him and he let you go softly, looking down at you in confusion.

So you’re ignoring him now? Did that guy charm you so much that you’re over Jungkook before you actually gave him a real chance? All these thoughts raised through his head and it was driving him insane. You’re not leaving him, right? He doesn’t like to be left. He likes to do the leaving. But he doesn’t want to leave you just because you’re over him. He’s going to give you whatever you want as long as you know he should be the more important one to you.

Every girl he’s been with, he’s left because they aren’t worth staying over. All women do is use you and then leave you. He’s seen it firsthand as a kid. His hatred toward women probably had to deal with his mom. Or his dad but that was still up for debate. On one hand, he had a mother who abandoned him when he was seven. On the other, he has a piece of shit father who will degrade him for not being ‘man enough’. So, do you think he really gives a fuck about leaving a girl just because he’s sick of her?

He doesn’t. What he does give a fuck about is being left. So if you try and leave him right now, he’s not sure what he’l— “Are we going to leave or just sit in this parking lot the entire night?”

“If we stay will you be sitting on my dick all night?” He asked teasingly, all thoughts in his head vanishing the second he had to put on an act. You rolled your eyes, “So I’m just for sex?”

“That’s not how I meant it,” his voice dropped, not a single hint of teasing now. What was wrong with you. He clearly doesn’t think that. “Well how was I supposed to know that?”

He’s not sure how to respond. He knew that he was clearly no gentleman and he has used way too many girls for sex [all consensual] so in reality he understood why you felt that way. He’s never cared about it before, in fact he’s actually boasted about it. There was nothing Jungkook couldn’t have if he wanted it. So did you really think he cared about using people for his own desires? No, he didn’t. But now you’re trying to paint him as the bad guy like he’s going to do it to you and it’s bullshit.

He’s used to being confronted like this but he’s not used to actually caring so what is he supposed to do? “I’m not using you for sex,” he muttered, “Is it hard to believe I’m really just into you.”

“It is,” you said and he sighed. “Alright, what do I have to do to prove to you that I’m serious.”

“I don’t know, when you show it, I’ll know.”

Jungkook’s been overthinking things lately. He doesn’t like that. He doesn’t like having to worry about things he never used to and it’s all your fault. Sometimes, you don’t answer his texts, other times you blow up his phone. He never knows what mood you’ll be in and though you usually go with whatever he says, sometimes you do the complete opposite. He’s not sure what you want from him. He loves you but you don’t believe him. You still think he’s going to leave you and that pisses him off. What’s he supposed to do to show you he won’t? That’s why you don’t open up to him. You’re fine letting him take control but then when he wants more from you, you can’t. You’re an emotional person and he knows that, why you won’t be that way around him? He’s not sure. He knows he’s changed, since when has he ever cared for his girlfriends emotions.

November 16th, 2021

“Baby, are you mad at me?” Soomin had asked. It was close to the end of their relationship and Jungkook just couldn’t stand her. She was getting too clingy, too needy and he didn’t like that. He didn’t want her all up on him unless he asks her to. What’s worse is that she’s acting like this in front of her friends. She’s on his lap, touching his hair, laughing too loud in his ear. It was overwhelming his senses and he hated every second of it. He couldn’t resist the roll of his eyes as he tried scooting away from her so he could have space. She was in his personal bubble and he didn’t want her there. He didn’t want to talk to her, hell he didn’t even want to look at her. Instead, he looked at you. You were smiling over something on your phone and when Yeonwoo asked you what it was you just said it was some guy you were talking to.

He’s already felt on edge today and he’s tried distancing himself but Soomin doesn’t give him space. She thinks he’s mad at her. Of course she thinks it’s about her. Everything is about her apparently.

“Why do you always ask me the same damn thing? Do you want me to be? Cause you’re really annoying the fuck out of me right now,” he muttered under his breath in fear that you would hear him. Soomin looked hurt but she just nodded instead of arguing with him. He had a headache and he wanted to leave. He’s supposed to sleep over tonight but he doesn’t know if he wants to anymore. He’s not sure he can spend another night with Soomin. She’s driving him crazy, just completely fed up. What’s up with her being so damn needy? Give him his space, please. He’ll call her when he wants to, she doesn’t need to be bothering him all the fucking time.

They sat in silence, listening to what Yoongi was saying as he sat between you and Yeonwoo. Jungkook was actually happy with the peace and quiet now, finally he didn’t have to hear her voice. Fuck, he was annoyed now. He stood up suddenly, pushing her foot out of the way as he left to her room. He just needed a moment by himself. Clearly he wasn’t going to get that though because just two minutes later, Soomin was following. He took a deep breath as she entered the room, “What do you want?”

This is why he hates relationships. He can’t even get a minute to himself. Soomin sat on the edge of her bed next to him, “What’s wrong? Why are you upset?”

“Because you keep bothering me,” he said when in truth he was upset before she badgered him. His eyes were on hers seeing the flash of hurt cross them at his harsh tone. Yes, get upset, can’t she see he can’t even pretend to care about her right now? He decided to keep going, “You’re so fucking clingy, you know that? You can’t just leave me alone for one minute? You just had to follow me. Your friends are out there so go worry about them and leave me alone. I don’t want to deal with you right now.”

“Why are you being such a dick right now?” She asked close to tears but he didn’t care. He scoffed in disbelief, already feeling a hint of a tantrum before of the fact that she wouldn’t just stop. He groaned loudly, “Because I’m telling you that I want some space and you’re too fucking stupid to listen!”

“Oh my god,” he huffed in annoyance as he looked over at her catching her wiping tears away, “Are you seriously crying right now? You’re gonna walk out there and make me look like the bad guy because you’re crying. You’re so fucking selfish Soomin. If you would’ve just left me alone when I asked you to then I wouldn’t have yelled at you but clearly you’ve got nothing inside that little head of yours.”

“I get that you’re mad over who knows what but you don’t have to take it out on me. I’m just trying to talk to you an—“ “That’s the God damn problem! I don’t want to talk to you, isn’t that fucking obvious? There’s a reason I came in here and you had to follow. Now you’re playing victim and making me out to be the bad guy because you can’t get the hint that you’re what’s pissing me off right now? Give me a break,” Jungkook was standing now, he was ready to just go home. He picked up his backpack of things as he looked up at her, “And stop crying, you look so dumb.”

“Fuck you Jungkook,” she cried making him laugh. “You already do.” She glared at him, “Just leave.” “I already am.”

He didn’t bother saying goodbye to anyone. He was already fed up and he was done talking to her. Everyone must’ve heard their argument because they were all dead silent but he didn’t care. He hated today and he was ready to leave. Yeah whatever, he’s been on edge all day and now he’s taking it out on Soomin, who the fuck cares. If she didn’t like it then she could leave him. He’d gladly let her. But he knows she won’t and that’s what he takes advantage of. He just needed someone to be his emotional punching bag because he hated today. When he got to his car he looked at his phone, a text from his older brother that only made him more annoyed than ever.

junghyun: todays the day mom left

November 16th, 2022

You felt like you couldn’t breathe, your body aches and you can’t do anything about it. A warm body laid over yours forcing you on your back the last two hours. Jungkook just wouldn’t wake up, he’s completely knocked out crushing you under him. It was cute kind of, he came over when you got off work and the first thing he did was crawl into your bed and rest his head on your chest. You fell asleep for a while but after being tired of laying in the same position, you woke up. It was no use though, Jungkook was still fast asleep clearly exhausted about something but you’re not sure what. He didn’t even go to class today and it’s not like he has a job with the monthly allowance of a few grand his dad gave him, he had nothing better to do than wait for you to have time for him.

It was still strange to think of how gentle Jungkook was with you. You remember all the screaming matches him and Soomin used to have and now you’re wondering if you’re living on borrowed time. If soon enough he’ll be yelling and degrading you the same way he used to do with Soomin. Even knowing all that you’re still letting yourself fall for him. You’re still going out with him and letting him hold you when you should be disgusted with him. He’s an arrogant asshole and you’re the stupid fool slowly falling in love with him. You just didn’t want him to leave when he’s telling you he loves you like nobody else can—and yet deep down you don’t believe it. You still want more. You want him to mean it. To prove it.

His body seemed to shiver and for a second you thought he was waking up. But instead, he was shoving his face into your neck, fluffy bed hair tickling your face. You felt needed at the moment and you kind of like that.

It was only a moment later that your phone was lighting up the dark room. You reached out for it making Jungkook shift a little and as you read the name of the caller, you visibly dejected. The phone landed on your pillow hoping to let it ring and finally the call ended. Good.

You let your eyes shut hoping to go back to sleep when it was going off again. With a small groan you took a deep breath in preparation before answering the phone as quietly as possible. “Hello?”

“It’s nice of you to finally answer, did you not see my first call?”

You let your eyes roll bring the phone away from your phone to see if Jungkook was still sleeping. He was, cheek squished on your collarbone, lips slightly parted, and legs pinning yours down. He was clinging onto you pressing you between him and the bed. You had to make this call quick unless you wanted to wake him up, “I was sleeping.”

“You know, I really wish you’d call more, I’m your mother, I wonder how you’re doing,” she said through the phone and it only seemed to bother you even more. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah that’s hard to believe Y/n, all you’ve done since you moved is shut me out, it’s like my little girl isn’t here anymore,” she said, “Oh, and I was looking at one of your posts, and—now, this might just be me—but have you been eating differently? Your body looks different and I know how you get about your looks so I just had to tell you. Maybe try and diet better, get more sleep because you look tired an—“

You were ready to hang up the phone just now. Jungkook was starting to move around more and you just wanted to hang up. You don’t think you could put up with her tonight. If she wants to talk about your body and how you should strive for perfection instead of letting yourself go then she could bring it up another day. Jungkook released a soft groan right into the ear the phone was pressed again, your mom stop mid-sentence. “Is that a man?” She asked now, “When are you going to settle down? This soon? Well, I guess nows the chance to find a man who can take over you since you can’t do it yourself. I’m just thinking about you’re future. You’re pretty and young but you’re not all there honey. I know you don’t like getting hurt but sometimes you have to go through those things to find love. Nows your chance. Do you think anyone’s going to want you when you’re my age? I’d kill to have the body I had at your age.”

“I’ve given up so much for you,” she said now, “You know how hard it was to raise you when your father walked out? All I ask from you is to call me, and settle down. I just worry that you’ll never find anyone, or nobody would want you. You used to be so perfect.”

“Is this what you called for?” “What’s got you in a mood? Is it that gu—“

“Hang up the phone,” a voice murmured and as you looked down, Jungkook’s eyes were on yours. You didn’t do it quick enough because he was hanging it up for you. He rolled off you, stretching his limbs as he laid next to you now. You had a text from your mom saying you were rude but you ignored it moving to stand up when his hand reached for your arm. You looked back at him as his brows furrowed, “Where are you going?”

“To the bathroom, you’ve been laying on me for hours,” you said standing up. He checked the time and date on his phone, great. It was still November 16th. He watched you walk away and for some reason that made him anxious so he was sitting up to go after you. “Who was that on the phone?” Your bathroom door was slightly open so you could hear him just fine but you acted like you didn’t. Once you were done you were at the sink washing your hands. Jungkook was at the door now, arms crossed over his chest, “Who was it?”

“My mother,” you walked past him, missing the way his jaw tensed following you to your bed again. You looked at your vanity mirror off to the side of the bed. She’s right, you do look different and nobody will want you if you look like this. Jungkook wouldn’t. Maybe you just needed to put effort into yourself, he was crazy to want to have sex with you when you looked like this. You know, it’d be really nice to talk to someone who wouldn’t constantly bash on literally anything about you but seems like those are the only people you attract. Your mother and friends were perfect examples of people calling out every single mistake you make.

Maybe that’s why you run to a relationship for an escape. Men don’t question you because they only want one thing and that’s better than being judged for everything you do. It’s like, after your dad left all that your mother did was tear you down. Constantly reminding you how nobody would want you if you’re not perfect because that’s how she felt about your dad leaving. If she would’ve been prettier, thinner, younger, he wouldn’t have left to start a new family. Then, you wouldn’t have been stuck with your mother running to a man and begging him to stay for you like your father didn’t. What made it worse was the close relationship with your dad only for him to walk out on you. That’s why you tried being a perfect girlfriend, so men don’t leave but they still do. Even when you play the naive and gullible girlfriend, your lies begin to unravel.

“What are you thinking about?” A kiss was placed on your shoulder from behind you. You forced a smile on your face. Your dad used to say your mother was too emotional. It’s what drove him away, so instead of confiding, you ignored it. You tried to flip the script, “Nothing, just noticed you’re really tired today.”

He made a grumbled sound as he moved away, neither one of you wanted to talk about anything yet. Though, if he’s being honest. He’s never talked to anyone about his childhood memories. Not his brother, his father, his friends, teachers, girlfriends, nothing. Instead he lets his father bribe him with money and takes advantage of the people around him because he thinks they don’t genuinely care about him enough to ask. And why would he confide in a girl who won’t even stay? Maybe, in the future if you don’t leave him, he’ll be honest.

You sensed his down mood as well. You’re not sure if it had anything to do with you or something else but you knew that your job was to make him feel better. That’s what you should do, don’t think about your feelings, think about his. You turned to sit on his lap, his legs over the edge of the bed making him sit and his hands immediately went to your waist. “Will a kiss make you feel better?” He smiled nodding his head as he leaned into you capture your lips with his pulling you flush against him by your hips and cradled you in his arms. You pressed your hips further down onto his groin as his tongue swiped along your mouth lapping at your own. Heads turned in opposite direction to further your depths into each others mouths. You rocked your hips a bit, a groan spilling from his lips to yours, gripping your hips tighter to help aid your movements. Your hands were on his torso now, pulling on his shirt wanting to get to the fun part much quicker.

A part of him wanted to talk to you, ask why you were upset and why you wouldn’t tell him. That’s how he knew you were different than the others. He found himself actually caring about what you had to say, but when you lifted his shirt off him, hands roaming his bare skin he couldn’t think. Maybe when the lust haze went away he’d think clearly on how to elevate the relationship from just sexual acts. He has to show you how intense he could get in loving you because it’s what you wanted. You wanted to make him stay and you’re so stupid for that. He wouldn’t leave even if you begged him to. He’s gonna be the one you attach yourself to, he swears it and right now you’re just so perfect. But part of him knows it’s all an act and he’s not sure if he’s ready to see the real you just yet.

He's already half hard, the head of his cock pulsing as he rapidly grows in his briefs that were beginning to tighten over his member. He couldn’t stop kissing you, not even when your hands trailed up from the ridges of his six-pack. It made him moan into your mouth at the feel of your hands on him, running over his nipple buds making him jump in surprise.

He makes a move to pull on your shirt but you tell him no. It makes him annoyed but when you shimmy back on his lap, pulling on the button of his jeans, any protest he had went out the door. His hands were still loosely on your waist despite the gap you put between you two that had him pulling back from the kiss to look.

Your fingers now lightly touch the line between muscle on his abs, trailing it toward his happy trail and just over the hem of his brief. Jungkook’s warm and a flush begins to creep around his neck and chest as your fingers continue their journey. You lean back into him, kissing at his neck and collarbone feeling him clench your shirt with his fists in anticipation. You add in teeth, softly scraping and nipping and biting, before shooting your tongue out to soothe the spots you’ve turned red all over his neck.

He licked his dry lips when you pulled back, ready to chase after yours but he couldn’t. Not when you got off his lap and onto the floor between his legs. You were quick, tugging at his jeans and underwear making him stand to kick them off before sitting back down on the edge of the bed. You don’t wait, your palm teases the head of his cock, and a trail of drool escapes hie mushroom tip leaking onto your palm.

"Fuck," Jungkook groans as you palm his cock, your fingers closing around his length in a grip that had his loose skin shifting with each pulse.The weight and width of him in your hand never fails to amaze you. He reacted so easily to your touch and he felt heavy in your hand. This is the first time you’re sucking his dick. You’ve only had sex that one time since you’ve only been together for a week and don’t have that much time to see each other. You had to make it worth his while if you want him to stay, or so you think.

You squeeze and pull his cock in alternating turns, taking in the way his stomach muscles tighten, how his thighs jump, the way he spreads his toes out against the floor. His head was tilted to the side, eyes glazed over with lust. A hand loosely in your hair while the other supported his sitting position against the bed.

Your eyes met his was a handful of cock being jerked with a twist of your wrist. The intense nature of his gaze nearly startled you. His pupils are blown, his brown eyes have gone dark, his mouth hangs open as harsh breath hisses through his teeth. Loving the look in his eyes, you took the chance to move your lips to the head of his cock.

You grip tightens to trace the weeping head across your lips practically coating them like it was lip gloss. Your tongue sneaks out to lick at the sticky residue before going back again, tracing his head with your full lips. You sink the head of his cock into your mouth between passes over your lip, sucking just enough to make his thighs tense.

"Oh fuck!" Jungkook's hand lands on your jaw when you flick your tongue just below the head. You circle your thumb and forefinger just below there and squeeze in time with each movement of your tongue which lapped up his cock drool.

You grip his thigh with your free hand your nails scratch and clutch at the tense muscles.

“So good to me,” he moans as he lets his head tip back in pleasure, eyes blinking away the sense of tears as he forced his gaze on the ceiling instead of on you. You’ll make him cum too fast if he keeps looking at your eyes. He slowly started fucking more of his cock into your wanting mouth, hearing the slush of spit and precum being pushed in and out of your tight throat. His mouth drew open in a silent moan when a hand of yours reached down, your index finger and thumb making a ring around his balls, and squeezing. All while you bobbed your head to meet the thrusts of his hips forcing more cock into your mouth. His breaths were raspy, feeling your tongue lick at his tight balls practically edging him.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he collapse onto the bed, feet against the bed frame edge, hips lifted off the bed. Muscles on his body protruding as you sucked his cock and balls like nobody ever has. He was so close. So so so so so cl—

“I’m cu—“ his forearm covered his eyes, hips bucking beautifully into your mouth, cock twitching with every pulse of thick cum that just wouldn’t stop. After two spurts of the creamy liquid he was still on his high. Then another came, and another twitch, and another, another, another. You gagged, finally lifting off his cock with a line of drool and cum connecting your mouth to his dick. It twitched only your hands and you couldn’t help but laugh in pleasure to how you’ve left him. Sweat down his body, veins on his v-line twitching, cock convulsing.

His eyes were squeezed shut when your tongue began licking all the excess cum off his cock, swallowing every drop and he felt paralyzed. God, you’re so fucking perfect. If the two of you could just stay in the bubble where you only focused on each other; he’d be at peace. It took him a second to reel himself back in before he was licking his lips, “Get up here.” You nodded moving to the space between his legs ready to crawl but he stopped you on the edge. His hands found their way to your shorts as he began slipping them down your legs with your underwear too.

“Hey, this is about you,” you whined letting him slide them down your legs throwing them onto the floor as he kissed your hip quickly. Jungkook lied back down on his back motioning for you to keep crawling, “It’s still about me then, I want you riding my face.” You didn’t argue with that as you finally got close enough to let your thighs press against the sides of his head. You were too far from the headboard to use it for support and you didn’t want to force all your weight down on him. You had gotten too aroused sucking him off that you already felt sensitive but you didn’t want to seem too needy.

Jungkook’s hands wrapped around your thighs as he looked up at you, “Take your shirt off,” he muttered between kisses on the insides of your thigh. You didn’t waste another second, nodding your head as you began to do as told feeling Jungkook leave small suctioning sensation on your tender thighs, you’re core was wet and he could practically taste it but he won’t. Not until you’re ready. You began undoing your bra letting it slide off your arms and tossed it to the side. Jungkook’s eyes met yours for one quick moment before pulling down at your thighs making you sink onto him.

Before you could even think of saying anything, your mouth drew open with a moan. Jungkook had gripped your butt with both hands moving your cunt as he licked a fat strip up to your clit. Your hand flew down to his hair instantly for support and if only made him groan in pleasure, your taste on his tongue. His eyes fell shut, tongue licking up your slit as it flicked at your clit. Jungkook’s lips wrapped around your aroused clit and he kissed it. A soft kiss that was tender like he’d done to your lips so many times. A slurping sound was heard as he tugged on your labia pulling both sides out.

“Oh…” you moaned, the hand tightening his hair in your hole. The hands on your ass began guiding you to move, making growing on his face as he released your clit from his mouth traveling down again to let his tongue swallow more of your slick. His eyes rolled at the taste, hungry for more so he went faster. His tongue flicking back and forth in your hole as his nose tip hit your clit.

“Fuck, Jungkook baby, fuck,” you babbled, panting as a full body tremble girated you on top of him. Finally, you had gotten more comfortable letting him pleasure you from below and you found yourself adding rhythm to your hips feeling his head move with you. The vibration of his answering groans made you gasp, even closer to that sweet edge that blowing him had brought you just moments before. The delicate skin of your inner thighs was pressing against his ears his earmuffs and he loved every second of it. You looked down and meet his opening eyes, darkened with his own desire, and he took your clit back into his mouth forcing your hips to grind against his chin too. You watched him suck on your clit like it was a nipple, eyes on your chest as your exposed breasts bounced with each moment. Without another thought, you took your hand off his head bringing both up to your breasts.

He sucked harder at that, pulling and nipping at it with a soft touch of his teeth, tongue wrapping around it and pleasuring your labia with each flick. Your hands cupped your tits, squeezing them in tiny fists as you moaned silently, adding a bounce to your hips.

His hands kept you upright as the pleasure spread through you and your fingers pinched at your hardening buds as he sucked on your clit, chin rutting against your folds, your moans turning to a scream of his name. “Jungkook!”

He groaned into your cunt, a hand leaving to his hardening cock feeling it twitch against his happy trail. He took it in a fist, slowly pumping himself in rhythm with your hips, eyes focused on the pinch and pull of your pretty nipples. He wanted them in his mouth but he wanted your pussy even more.

The room was dark, only lighting up with a white hue as his phone began to ring. His older brother’s name displayed to do his annual check in on November 16th. He didn’t care though, he was too busy taking his girlfriend’s pretty pussy, drinking up everything like it was his last feast. You looked over to the ringing phone distracted but still riding his face and he didn’t like that. He wanted your attention on him as he brought you to orgasm. His cock was being jerked off roughly by his own hand and you had the nerve to look at his ringing phone.

He wants you to cum wetly and completely over his frantically working mouth so he can drink it all up, swallowing the taste of you down like you did him. You feel yourself begin to clench around him, and Jungkook pulls back to tilt his head up making you finally look at him when the phone stopped ringing. He was breathing heavy trying to catch his breath while a hand came around to rubbing at your clit, "Cum for me, baby, wanna feel you cum on my tongue"

At that, he attached his mouth to your cunt again, tongue pressing into your folds pushing out more and more slick. His thumb worked harder, circling around your clit every which way while your hands kneaded your breasts roughly and his cock twitched with the need to cum again.

“Jung—Jungk—“ Your orgasm hits you hard and so fucking good that your thighs shake as you tried lifting yourself up, but Jungkook keeps a hard grip on your around your thigh now, forcing you to take all of touches. His tongue worked feverishly to lick up your essence. His eyes were shut, pumping his cock faster, more messy as he drank up your cum. Your hand was in his hair again trying to pull him away but it only egged him on to finish having you unravel completely. With a final, rough yank of his hair, his cock was creaming. His hand getting drenched in his own cum in the process as he finally allowed you to move.

Your legs trembled as you attempted to swing one leg over him and he helped you. His abdomen sticky with his own cum and yours all over his chin but he didn’t care. He had no plans to leave this bed with you.

You were nervous, more than you needed to be because in reality there was no need to be worried. You’re just with your friends in the courtyard listening to them make plans for later. Lately anytime you see them you only find yourself feeling guilty—a little annoyed too but you’re pretty sure you shouldn’t feel that way. You shouldn’t be annoyed that Soomin was hanging out with you more regularly but you were. She ignored the two of you for months simply because Jungkook ghosted her. It’s not like she was nice about it either when you saw each other on campus and she’d purposely avoid you. It got to the point where Yeonwoo didn’t want to see her either and that’s the last time you had worried about it.

Now, all of a sudden she’s interested in being friends again. Since she’s had time to herself she’s ready to hang out with friends and to you that was total bullshit. Sure, you loved hanging out with her and being friends but you can’t just do what Soomin did and be welcomed back with open arms. It has nothing to do with her wanting time for herself after Jungkook but it had everything to do with the way she handled things. If she hadn’t gone out of her way to avoid seeing you two in person it’d be different. You understand wanting time to yourself but you don’t drop your friends out of nowhere and suddenly come back like nothing happened with no apology. It’s not like it was yours or Yeonwoo’s fault that Jungkook ghosted her. You have get to ask him despite being curious about it. You’re worried that if you bring it up Jungkook won’t be happy.

So that’s what made you feel annoyed. What made you feel guilty—for very obvious reasons—is that you were dating her ex boyfriend behind her back and being friendly to her face. That was very bitchy of you but you weren’t doing anything about it. You just let yourself play the friend and the girlfriend like it wasn’t taking a toll on you making you nervous.

“Are we still on for tonight?” Soomin asked looking between you and Yeonwoo. Your mind blanked. You know there was something planned between you all but you completely forgot it was tonight. You and Jungkook had gone shopping just yesterday and despite telling him not to buy you all this nice stuff he did it anyway. Then, he said he wanted you wearing a certain skirt for a date tonight. He was supposed to be picking you up straight from campus and that’s why you’d been dressed so nicely tonight.

“It’s been planned for over a month, I hope so,” Yeonwoo said with a small laugh. God, you really are stupid. You remembered what was the original plan now. A month ago, you all — minus Soomin — made plans to treat yourselves to an expensive dinner. Since you and all your friends had been focused on exams and work you all figured you needed a break. After days of trying to find the right time you quickly realized it had to be a planned outing instead of just whenever. Since you all had conflicting schedules you took a day off weeks in advance so you could all go. Soomin just started talking with you again a couple weeks ago but Taehyung asked if she was going and that’s how she’d been invited. It was supposed to be a nice outing that all the friends could just hang out and drink. It wasn’t a party or school environment, just a chance for everyone to get together and do something different than just hang around someone’s place and eat cheap food. Now it made so much sense why Yeonwoo hadn’t questioned your nice clothes today which you’d been so nervous would be noticed.

She had a tendency to sniff out your plans and even catch on quickly to the way your appearance changed like every friend happened to notice. It’s why you noticed her makeup today and her styled hair but you didn’t question it because you didn’t want her to question you. Now you understood that you were all dressed up for later and if you would have seen Namjoon and Taehyung, you would’ve noticed that their appearance was cleaner today. Wow, you really are stupid and that makes you want to laugh. Soomin nudged your foot, “I like your skirt, I’ve never seen you in Chanel, hell I didn’t even know you could afford it.”

Yeonwoo pushed Soomin lightly telling her something you couldn’t understand but Soomin just smiled, “You know what I mean, like, you don’t normally wear designer.”

You just shrugged, “Now I do.” You didn’t want to answer more questions because you wouldn’t be able to answer without having to think up a lie. You had gone out shopping yesterday to specifically find a winter coat. Jungkook obviously drove you around and what was supposed to be a quick trip turned into him taking you to any store you even looked at. You ended up in Chanel and when you told him you couldn’t afford it he shushed you and began showing you outfits. Such as the one you were currently wearing, the one he had asked you to wear tonight for dinner. Fuck. You had to either cancel on Jungkook or cancel on everyone else.

Though you would rather hang out with Jungkook you know it would be suspicious. Yeonwoo was already suspicious of you as it was and you commend her for not pushing you to respond despite still being openly rude about your choice in relationships. You knew that not going out tonight despite having it planned for weeks what make you look suspicious and with everyone asking if you’re seeing someone it just wouldn’t look right. On the other hand you didn’t want Jungkook mad at you. You could already hear him on the phone with you sulking about it. Yeonwoo sighed, “I’ve gotta get to class, I’ll meet with you guys later?”

“I’ll walk with you,” Soomin rushed out already getting up to follow her, “I’ve got class that way too. See ya Y/n.” You let them leave you behind as you gathered your things too leaving the library to your next two hour lecture. You brought your phone out already trying to figure out what to tell Jungkook. You knew he’d hate this but you kept thinking about your friends. You didn’t want them all to turn against you because you kept choosing to be with Jungkook. You’ve already ditched out in plans three times and you just couldn’t do it again, especially after they knew you were dressed up for a reason. You know he really won’t be happy but you can’t just think about him. You can go on a date another time, you’ll fit it into your busy schedule that he also complains about. Fuck there’s no easy way to go about this and it’s 100% your fault for being so damn forgetful and avoidant.

When Jungkook’s phone rang in the middle of his studies, he had absolutely no problem leaving his friends to go and answer it. He leaned against the wall of the building waiting g outside so he could answer, “Hey.” A warm smile was on his face already and he hadn’t even heard you speak yet. He kept thinking about the other night. Each night he spent with you there was something knew he liked or didn’t expect.

He can’t lie and says he’s changed because in reality he hasn’t. He still acts the way he wants to other but with you he feels like he could actually relax. Before it used to feel like a chore having to date and the only reason he’d do it is for convenience. Too many girls wanted something more serious than sex and he figured with a couple dinners here and there he could say they’re dating without actually having feelings. He was a very distant boyfriend and yet every single girl he dated loved him—even when he didn’t even act like he felt the same. It’s because they liked the thought of being with Jeon Jungkook, the son of a CEO, the popular and rich guy. He wouldn’t have to try hard, all he had to do was smile sweetly at someone and ask if they wanted to go out. It made it easier to never be alone when someone like him felt so lonely.

Everything about those relationships had always been so shallow to him. He’d make the calls and demands. Everything was always on his time, when he wanted and he didn’t care how the other felt because they never left him. They let him make all the decisions following him around just happy to be there. He’d fell them what they wanted to hear even if it wasn’t the truth and when they’d try and get closer he’d be mean. It’s what happened with Soomin way too many.

And he’s not like that with you. You haven’t shared deep conversation yet but he feels a lot more open to letting you in. There’s just something about you that drives him to feel these intense emotions and all he wants to do is stay with you so he could feel them more. He could hear you take a breath as you spoke, “Hey, is this a good time? Or are you busy?”

“I’ve got time, why? Did you miss me?” He asked even though he should be doing his work. He’s already put off a lot of his assignments to have time for you when you weren’t busy and even without a job in the way he felt way too occupied with you alone. You smiled a little, “I did, but uh, I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

He nodded as though you could see him, “What’s up?” He’s been thinking about you all day. He hasn’t seen you since he went back to his place yesterday and he keeps picturing you in the light pink skirt he bought you yesterday. He has planned the perfect dinner tonight in hopes of officiating your relationship more than just sex in your apartment, and movies in the living room. That didn’t feel like a real relationship despite how strong he felt about you so he wants to show you the kind of boyfriend he could be. He knows he’ll be good to you. You cleared your throat, “So about tonight…Ican’tmakeittonight.”

“I’m sorry, mind repeating that? I don’t think I heard right. You can’t what?” His breath was already turning uneven. After everything he did so that tonight would be perfect and you’re telling him what exactly? You bit your lip nervously, your pace to your next class had slowed while you talked, “So, um, it’s all my fault, okay? I forgot that tonight was supposed to be a big dinner with everyone and I had even taken the day off work for it. I think that’s why I was free tonight for our date and I just forgot it’s cause I scheduled it off. I would miss the dinner but everyone’s already suspicious that I’m seeing someone an—“

“You are seeing someone,” Jungkook tried hard to even his voice out so he could remain calm but his heart was beating too fast in irritation, “Do you expect me to keep wanting to keep it hidden? We’re not doing anything wrong, what happened with Soomin was months ago and if they tell you anything about it then they can talk to me because it’s not your fault. And it’s not up to anyone else what we do.”

You took a deep breath, “You’re righ—“ “Then why can’t you just go on this date with me? Who cares if they find out we’re dating. Who cares if you ditch them and they get ma—“

“I care Jungkook, not everything is about you, I’m sorry, but I’m not ditching on them tonight. We’ve been hanging out every chance I’m free and I’ve flaked on plans with Yeonwoo three times because of it.” You answered honestly. Jungkook scoffed, he doesn’t care if they’re your friends. Soomin always had something to say about you when they dated plus she ditched you. Yeonwoo always has to act like you’re stupid and don’t know how to do anything right and that pisses him off. He doesn’t know much about Yoongi but he doesn’t care. He’s as much friends with the other two as he is with you and that’s enough for Jungkook to dislike him. It only adds onto the more people he has to fight for your attention. He couldn’t help but ask, “Who’s going?”

He had a good feeling about who would be with you tonight and he didn’t like it at all. The second he heard Yeonwoo’s boyfriend was going then he knew Taehyung would too. And though he hasn’t met Taehyung, he still remembers Yeonwoo going on about him to you and he didn’t like that you were friends with him. He wanted to tell you you wouldn’t be going out with them tonight but he couldn’t. He didn’t like the way you talked to him but he couldn’t argue with you right now so instead he reluctantly let you go with the promise of making plans another night. He hated it and the more he spent his evening thinking about it, the more he wanted to show you how much he hated that you ditched him for other people. You couldn’t just do that to him and change his plans.

You know when you just can’t feel at ease? Like since the moment you woke up you know something is already off with the day? Yeah, that’s how you felt this morning and at first you brushed it off as nerves for your date tonight. Then, you thought it was because your dumbass forgot about dinner and had to tell Jungkook. But now that you’re at dinner with the others, the feeling doesn’t go away and you don’t know why.

“Where have you been lately? I feel like any time I try and hang out with you, you’re busy, you bitch,” Yoongi said faking an annoyed pout as he rolled his eyes, “You tired of me?” You rolled your eyes as well nudging him playfully to stop talking like that. Yoongi was one of the few people you felt like you didn’t have to play a part with. He was the in between for you where you could talk to him about anything without worry that he’d judge you or tell the others. With Yeonwoo it felt like you had to agree with what ever she said and you knew that what you said others would find out. You do feel bad that you haven’t hung out with them since you’ve been with Jungkook mostly.

“I think she’s seeing someone,” Soomin said with a smirk as she sat sandwiched between Yeonwoo and Taehyung who looked at you too, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you not in a relationship and plus, you’re always busy apparently. Isn’t that suspicious? Oh! And you’re wearing new clothes and it’s brand name.”

“Thanks for your input,” you cleared your throat awkwardly, “But I’ve really just been busy with work and school, you know the usual.” The conversation carried from topic to topic and honestly it felt good to do this with your friends. Though you all might disagree or not see each often it’s easy to feel comfortable around each other. You loved being with Jungkook but it was different than this.

The night you saw him at the club you had already been in a mood. Seeing him hadn’t made you feel better and even though you kissed, it had been just that. You let him tell you all the words you’ve wanted to hear and even though you shouldn’t you go out with him. You have very strong feelings toward him but you still felt like it was an act. Either you were playing into the vision of you he had created or vise versa. You were using him to play the ideal type you always dreamed of because you knew he’d act the part. So you were selfish, you’d let this guy [who broke your friend’s heart] get with you and possibly use you, or even worse, be the right one for you.

Everyone was feeling the high of conversation, the mood was good and relaxed. You said something every now and then but mostly you listened with everyone talking at once. You’re the only one to clearly hear Soomin when she excused herself to the restroom and tried listening to everyone talking. So, because you were observing, you began to notice a change in the mood. Voices seemed to have lowered, eyes glanced behind you and heads turning. And if you were only a moment sooner you would’ve had more time to disappear.

You turned your head wanting to see what had everyone so distracted now but all you caught sigh of was a black button up shirt tucked into a Gucci belt. Your heart seemed to drop, looking up as a hand landed on your shoulder gently

There was a sudden tension in the air as your eyes met a familiar dark pair with silver on the brow. Everyone stares either in confusion or anger, maybe a mix of both but you couldn’t even think of what to say. You felt like the air was suffocating you and the look on his face only seemed to annoy you.

He was smirking, like this was all just so amusing. Like he expected this response as he motioned for Yoongi to move over and the guy, clearly just as confused, moved without a word. He took the seat next to you planting a kiss on your forehead when you yanked his hand off, “What are you doing?”

“Yeah, what are you doing?” You turned quickly like everyone else did but Jungkook as your eyes locked with Soomin’s. She looked confused at first by her ex just sitting at her table when he wasn’t minutes ago. Then she looked annoyed when she saw the placement of his hand on your shoulder close to your neck softly. Nobody said anything as she came by and you wanted to react but it’s like you froze when everyone’s eyes fell on you. Jungkook didn’t even flinch, “I’m here to see who my girlfriend ditched me for tonight.”

“Your what?” Yeonwoo asked glaring at you and rightfully so. She knew, from the moment she you two at the bar, one of you was going to fuck up. She wasn’t disappointed because you fell for another guy. She knew that’s what you’d do. That’s what you always did but with Jungkook? After knowing how he treated and dumped Soomin. Jungkook reached across your plate for a bite of what ever you were eating, “My girlfriend.” He looked around at everyone focusing on one person in particular.

“This the guy you wanted to introduce to Y/n?” Jungkook asked her as he looked Taehyung over. Your hands were shaking and though you wanted to speak, Soomin beat you to it, “What the fuck is going on here? After literally disappearing on me and treating me like absolute shit you’re saying… you’re saying Y/n is your girlfriend?”

“Well someone had to say it,” Jungkook said ignoring everything but the last thing she said. You turned to Soomin, “Liste—I don’t—“ “You don’t what? You don’t think? You don’t care? What is it Y/n because right now I’m thinking you just don’t realize how fucking stupid you are for getting yourself involved with him.”

“Soomin, just take a minute and relax. People are staring,” Yoongi offered up trying to ease the tension but it was no use. Jungkook didn’t care how any of them felt. Namjoon cleared his throat, “We need the damn check.” It was awkward but nobody could say anything about it. “No, what we need is an explanation from Y/n.”

“You didn’t stop talking to him since the night of the club, right? When you were supposed to be getting over your last ex,” Yeonwoo pointed out. Jungkook groaned, “What does it matter? Why does it matter? Why are you always trying to tell Y/n what to do. All you do is bash on her an—“

“Oh this is rich,” Soomin scoffed in disbelief, “You’re one to fucking talk Jungkook. You know, the funny thing is that this is actually really expected from the two of you. We’ve got the slut and the player, match made in heaven.”

“Soomin, I was going to tell you I just—“ “You’re a slut Y/n, we all know it so just stop. I don’t want to hear your excuses, you wanted my ex and you took him but that’s fine.” You weren’t even surprised by her name calling but you also couldn’t find anything to say. Maybe you were even though you didn’t cheat on anyone and he didn’t either. It’s not like you two had just fucked other people before each other. And yes, you get into relationships easily but it’s not like you sleep around with anyone you weren’t dating.

“Look you can say whatever you want about me, I don’t give a fuck but don’t start calling Y/n names that aren’t true,” Jungkook said to her, “You weren’t even fucking speaking to any of them when I approached her—“

“I wasn’t speaking to anyone because of you, you fucking asshole,” Soomin said but he just laughed, “What did your friends have to do with me? I told you I wasn’t in it anymore and you ignored me so I left you. It wasn’t because of anyone else but me so why’d you do that? And I’m the one who wanted Y/n not the other way around so don’t act like she was out to get you.”

“And your so-called best friend Yeonwoo knew there was something between us since the first night and she never told you either,” Jungkook added in the final blow letting some attention drift away from you. Yeonwoo looked at Soomin, “I tried telling he—“ “But you didn’t tell me.”

Suddenly, a chair was pushed back. Jungkook looked over quickly to catch you taking your purse and standing. It’s not that you didn’t want to talk to her but not at this moment and not in front of everyone. Even strangers from other tables were staring and you understood she was upset with you but right now you just wanted to disappear. “Bab—uh oh, she’s mad,” Jungkook mumbled as he took his wallet out. He took out some money and put it down on the table, “This should cover what ever Y/n ordered.” Without another word he left, chasing after you with his tail between his legs acting completely different than the Jungkook she knew.

“What just happened?” Taehyung asked now that you were gone and so was Jungkook. Yeonwoo sighed, “Y/n is apparently seeing Jungkook.” Soomin scoffed, “My ex who ditched me out of the blue and treated me like complete shit. Now Y/n ran away because she’s scared to talk to me.”

“Maybe Y/n just didn’t want to do it in front of everyone, she seemed just as confused with Jungkook being here as everyone else,” Yoongi said making her turn to glare at him, “I’m not taking sides, I’m just saying, you yelled out that she was a slut for everyone to hear. I wouldn’t want to talk things out with you either when you’re this mad.”

“So you’re saying I’m the problem right now?” Soomin asked making Yeonwoo shake her head. “Nobody is saying that Soomin, but… I mean… you wouldn’t even let Y/n try and explain. I know it hurt your feelings especially because of how things ended with Jungkook but, I don’t know, you did stop talking to us for months and that’s when he came along.”

Jungkook was a few yards behind you. You were walking too fast and he didn’t want to chase you in front of everyone. Once outside instead of walking toward the parking garage where he parked you walked straight toward the street, a hand stretched out looking down the road, “What are you doing?”

“Going home,” you said not turning back to look at him. Jungkook scoffed, “Alright so let’s go to mine—“ “No, I’m going to my place, alone.” His eyes narrowed, you’re what? Tonight was supposed to be the first night you came over to his place after what was supposed to be a date. He stepped closer to you, a hand on your lower back, “Come on, don’t be like that.” “No Jungkook, I told you I’d be done with you, if you did this so stop. I’m done.”

His breath stopped as his pace slowed, were you really doing this to him in front of the restaurant you just ate at? “No you’re not,” Jungkook shook his head in disbelief, “They were gonna find out anyway, Y/n. We didn’t do anything wrong so can you please just look at me? We were supposed to go on a date tonight. We were supposed to be the ones together and you just ditched me for them. How is that fair to me? I came because I wanted to spend time with you—“

“No, you came so you could make a scene in front of everyone because you can’t stand the thought of being told no,” you said harshly, the Y/n he met at the club who didn’t want anything to do with him was back and Jungkook didn’t like that. He wanted the Y/n who was sweet and caring to him. You kept going when he was silent, watching his eyes begin to redden, “I am with you every single time I’m free and it’s still not enough? What do you want me to do Jungkook? I have school. I have work. I have friends, or I did.”

“They’re not your friends if all they do is look down on you!” Jungkook shouted now, not caring about the people passing, “And you don’t make time for me. Every time I want to be with you, you have something else to do—“ “Yes, because I’m not free all day! Unlike you, some of us actually need jobs to make money. I don’t get everything handed to me so sorry if I can’t be with you every second of the day.”

“And if you can’t respect my wishes then I’m done. I don’t want to see you, I don’t want to be with you or talk to you. I asked you for one night, I know we had plans but I’d spent every day with you this week and you couldn’t give me just one day with others? Do you realize how fucking selfish you are?” You asked. Jungkook didn’t deny anything, “That’s cause I love you, and I want to spend all my time with you. I’m sorry th—“

“No Jungkook, you don’t love me so just don’t even say that,” you finally said looking back to him clearly upset, “I don’t even think you know how to love someone, I’ve just been going along with it until you decide to drop me like a fucking idiot thinking you might just change.”

You don’t think he knows how to love someone? After trying so hard to show you he does and yet you tell him it’s not it. This isn’t fair. You can’t do this to him just because he wanted to have dinner with you. You think that just because he comes from money, he’s just selfish? Fine, he might be but it’s not fair for you to say he doesn’t know how to love someone when it’s the first time he’s ever felt it. How is he supposed to know an emotion he never received genuinely? Not from his neglectful father or his mother’s abandonment. All he’s ever known is his older brother and even that wasn’t anything like what he felt for you. None of the girls he’d been with were genuine. They didn’t like him for him. And it’s not like he didn’t see that, so obviously he never acted like he loved them. With you he’s trying, and he’ll admit he’s doing it all wrong but you can’t just leave him after one mistake when he’s tried being good to you. Were you always this cruel because he didn’t expect it. Were you putting on an act too? His sad eyes stared into your own as he tried holding you. You let him but you wouldn’t let him pull you into him. His arms remained around your waist with space between you that felt miles long, “Please… just give me a chance. I promise I’ll change.”

“You won’t,” you said simply, “And honestly this is for the best. I don’t know what it is you want with me, but you and I just aren’t relationship types, okay? You know it and so do I. There’s a reason why we were quick to get together, and now look, it’s ending already and do you want to know why? Because you don’t care for relationships and I don’t know how to keep one. Don’t try and tell me that’s not why you wanted me because it is. You knew that I wouldn’t last with anyone and you’re not the type to want a relationship to last. You want it to be quick and easy so you can get what you want and be done. I gave it to you, so I’m fine ending things here.”

“I don’t believe that bullshit because I know that what I feel for you is different than what I’ve ever felt for anyone else,” Jungkook said in a hurry now as a cab finally pulled up to the curb for you, tears threatening to spill and he couldn’t explain why. This is not how he wanted the night to go. He knew you’d be a little mad but not this mad, “I am selfish, you’re right, and clearly I need to work on that but you can’t just leave me before I prove it to you. Please Y/n, please just don’t leave me okay? I don’t want to be left behind.” He tried stopping you from opening the door but you did it anyway. “You can’t just quit on me the first time it gets hard. You can’t run away from your feeling—“

“I can, I’ve done it before and if it stops me from getting hurt by men like you I’ll do it again,” you admitted to him, “My problem isn’t that everyone found out. My problem is that I told you to let me tell everyone when I was ready and what did you do? You showed up, caused a scene, and ignored what I want. I’m not going to lose everyone else around me because you don’t think I’ve given you enough. I’ve been left too many times to have to go through it again because of you.”

“I won’t, I swear I won’t, pleas—“ the door slammed shut in his face. You were quitting. You know you are but you just can’t believe a word he says even as tears stream down his face. You don’t doubt he has strong feelings for you and you don’t want to leave him but he isn’t giving you enough. He isn’t showing you that he really loves you. Tonight he proved that he doesn’t care what you have to say. He’ll do it anyway and that’s not what you envisioned as a perfect partner. You’re not even sure what he could do to show you he actually loves you but this wasn’t it. And maybe you wanted the extreme but he just wasn’t giving it yet, all he was doing was finding ways to keep you to himself.

“Jungkook.”

He turned, Soomin standing there just feet away from the door with her things. He’s not sure how long she was standing there or what she wanted but he didn’t care. He wouldn’t give her an apology for what he did because he doesn’t regret it. He looked back to the cab that had already left and the first thing he did was check his phone and see if he should text you. He walked right past Soomin to the parking garage. He doesn’t care, he’s driving straight to your place. “Jungkook wait.”

“What do you want Soomin?” he grumbled hearing her follow after him. He wiped away his stupid tears keeping his head down. Soomin was right behind him, “I just want to talk, give me five minutes.”

“We talked enough, don’t you think?” Jungkook said turning his head to her for a quick moment, “Where’s everyone else?”

“I ran out, look I just want to talk about us—“ “For fuck’s sake Soomin, if you want me to apologize I won’t,” Jungkook said clearly upset and she was just pushing his buttons, “I don’t care if you cried. I don’t care if you were confused. I don’t give a fuck how you felt and if you want an explanation, there isn’t one.”

“I can tell you right now that I’d do it again and leave you without a single word because I just couldn’t fucking stand you,” Jungkook said harshly. He was letting some of his anger out on her but it was better than going to you and screaming at you. Plus, Soomin called you a slut and a handful of other things because of him so why can’t she just tell him instead of going to you. She was crying now, “Why? Why were you with me then?”

He sighed deeply, pinching the space between his brows in annoyance. He laughed, a soft yet bitter laugh as he looked back to her, “At first, because you were easy and very gullible. Then, because of Y/n. I liked her and I didn’t even realize it, isn’t that fucked up? That I used you to stay around Y/n even though there was something about you that I just couldn’t stand? I put myself through torture more than what I did to you. You should’ve been happy I disappeared on you. It’s not like I acted like I cared about you.”

“So whose fault is it for being so damn stupid and blind to our relationship? It definitely wasn’t me,” Jungkook said as he began walking back to the parking garage now that he was done talking to her.

“The same way you’re blind to your relationship with Y/n?” Soomin shouted from a distance making him stop again. His jaw clenched as he turned back to her watching her come over to him toward the crosswalk. She smiled now, “Because if you think she actually cares about you, you’re dead wrong. Y/n is more fucked up than you are, y’know? She cries and cries about everyone hurting her feelings but what’s the first thing she does? She leaves you the second things get hard and she doesn’t give a single shit about how you feel. That’s why you’re crying, right? Because she left? Yeah, what did you expect? You wanted Y/n to be happy when you randomly show up? Y/n likes her secrets and you were one of them until you ruined it. Now she’s got no reason to be with you so look what happened, she left, told you off and made you cry.”

“Why do you care what Y/n does to me?” Jungkook asked. Soomin sighed, “Because I’ve never seen you cry. I’ve never seen you beg someone to stay with you like you just did with Y/n. I saw it, and I also saw her not give a single care about it and leave like you meant nothing at all.”

He’s only ever begged one other time for someone to stay and that was his mother when he was seven. What happened in the end? She left, just like you just did. Clearly there was something wrong with him if the people he tried to love kept leaving. He didn’t think you’d leave him like that and not give him a chance to fix things. But he wasn’t mad about that, he was hurt. He was mad that Soomin would bring it up like she knew the real him when she didn’t. He was mad that she would try and tell him these things about you like his mind would change. Soomin sighed, “You think Y/n loves you because she acted like she did? She didn’t. She doesn’t love any single guy she’s with. She loves the idea of having the perfect person because her life is so fucking shitty, her only way out is to be in a relationship no matter how awful the person is. So I’m not surprised she chose you, and look what happened. Once she saw how you behaved tonight, she was done and I promise you she’ll find someone new to replace you by the following week. Sounds like karma to me.”

“Goodbye Soomin,” he said as the light turned for him to walk, “And you should be happy I said goodbye this time.” He doesn’t understand why he doesn’t care about what she said. He doesn’t care if it’s true. He doesn’t care if it’s not. Clearly whatever happened between you started with lies. It seemed like you two got together naturally. That it just happened and that he was too enamored to care that he was changing. That you would just easily agree with him so you could seem perfect. It was all fucking lies and yet he doesn’t care. What you told him just now was nothing of what Soomin was saying. You didn’t lead him on, you didn’t act in love, you didn’t even fucking care that he was the opposite of perfect. So even if you two were lying about how you portrayed a relationship, real feelings were there buried down below and he showed it more than you did.

You’re not naive or innocent. You’re calculating even if you don’t show it and you wouldn’t have gone out with him if you didn’t feel something for him. The only thing you lied about was him having the control. You made him feel like he had the say when clearly he didn’t. He doesn’t, because right now he thinks you dumped him and he wasn’t expecting that. He was expecting you to be mad but let it go and clearly that’s not what happened. Everything you said might be true, but he knows that you feel something for him deep down even if you lied and said you didn’t.

prev | next

::.

taglist: @jub-jub @moonfaery @hoseoksluv89 @jeonzll @kookieaddicted96 @darkuni63 @btspurplesky

sorry y’all I had to repost cause I forgot tags lol

wow Jungkook ain’t shit highkey 🤡 but also idc bc he’s Jungkook 🤒 also yall best not think this is the end cause you can’t have a toxic couple without making sure they break up a couple times lmao. this was more jk focused and how he’s an ass but who what the next chapterrrr will focus us

but I’m letting y’all know rn that if it gets tagged as mature again I might not continue it cuz it blocks my fics for some readers even they’re not minors cause of how the settings are

#kpop #jeon jungkook #jungkook smut #kim taehyung #bts #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #park jimin #bts smut

[persephonememes]

* (  STICK SEASON FOREVER BY NOAH KAHAN /  SENTENCE PROMPTS.

These may have been edited for clarity or length or to better apply for roleplaying.

" how you been? "

" what does it mean? "

" i am stuck between my anger and the blame that i can't face "

" i miss the way you laugh "

" but you know how it gets out here "

" you got all my love "

" if you need me dear, i'm the same as i was "

" it's all okay, there ain't a drop of bad blood "

" i just hope that your scars heal "

" i was scared to death "

" i'll never let you go "

" i don't get much sleep most nights "

" i'm seeing you in every dream "

" i'll love you when the oceans dry "

" i'll love you when the rivers freeze "

" don't you know there's a coffin buried under the garden "

" i'm in the process of clearing out cobwebs "

" someday i'm gonna be somebody people want "

" it's been a long year "

" would we survive in a horror movie? "

" i wanna love you 'till we're food for the worms to eat "

" i know every route in this county "

" i'll tell you where not to speed "

" honey, come over "

" no one will tempt you, we know you got sober "

" it's yours if you want it "

" i've been ready for you to come home "

" i didn't think to ask you where you'd gone "

" why'd you go? "

" i haven't drank in six months on the dot "

" don't you find it strange that you just went ahead and carried on? "

" the last time i drank i was face down passed out there on your lawn "

" are we all just pulling you down? "

" remember telling me that you thought you were cursed? "

" love is fast asleep on a dirt road with your head on my shoulder "

" those things I miss but know are never coming back "

" if i was empty space and you were formless shape we'd fit "

" i'm still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them "

" i know there are worse ways to stay alive "

" why is pain so damn impatient? "

" the last that i heard you were down in new orleans "

" i worry for you. you worry for me. "

" it's fine if we know we won't change "

" i'm leaving this town "

" i know that you're fearing the end "

" i only tell truth when I'm sure that I'm lying "

" how have you been and are you bored yet? "

" time moves so damn slow "

" i stopped caring about a month ago since then it's been smooth sailing "

" i would leave if only i could find a reason "

" i got dreams but i can't make myself believe them "

" i don't want to say goodbye "

" i'm still here with you "

" for a minute the world seems so simple "

" who was i to watch you wilt? "

" i promise to be there this time "

" i'm naming the stars in the sky after you "

" i'm remembering i promised to forget you now "

" it's all the same, anyways "

" i ain't proud of all the punches that i've thrown "

" i gave your name as my emergency phone call "

" i'd die for you "

" why do you do this to yourself? "

" this place had a heartbeat in its day "

" it just ain't that simple, it never was "

" we'll drink to new year's "

" i'm not ready to let go yet "

" now the weight of the world ain't so bad "

" i saw the end, it looks just like the middle "

" who am I to complain? "

" now the pain's different. it still exists, it just escapes different. "

" don't you cancel any plans "

" all lights turned off can be turned on "

" i'll drive all night "

" don't be discouraged "

" i've been exactly where you are "

" if you could see yourself like this, you'd have never tried it "

" won't you stay with me? "

" i even gave up driving after nightfall "

" i'm ain't angry at you, love "

" i'll be waiting for you "

" we spent so long just getting by "

" i'm not a city girl "

" it still has a lot of meaning to me because i grew up there "

" it's a small community of people that really look out for each other "

" last time i was in the back of a cop car, i fell in love "

" it's all the same anyway "

" let's drive for no reason "

" honey, it's starting to storm "

" i won't be alone for the rest of my life "

" i broke a bone that never healed in my hand "

" so when i hold you close, i might loosen my grip. but i won't ever let you go. "

" but i won't ever let you go "

" remember when we called the cops 'cause you got too high and you got scared? "

" could you imagine that? "

" i'm running out of tears to cry "

" maybe something's changing me "

" you love me and i don't know why "

" i only call you once a week "

" does it bite at your edges? "

" do you lie awake restless? "

" this town's the same as you left it "

" your page was blank, but i read it "

" i stare out that hallowed ocean as if to pick a fight "

" for the dreams my old man dreamt for me, lay on the other side "

" we're overdue for a revival "

" we spent so long just getting by "

" who the hell likes living just to die? "

#rp meme #rp memes #rp prompts #ask meme #meme #noah kahan

[steddieas-shegoes]

this place is such great motivation for anyone trying to move the fuck away from hibernation

chapter 4: i stopped caring 'bout a month ago, since then it's been smooth sailing also on AO3  Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Rated E

🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰🧰

Wayne Munson was looking at Steve Harrington as if he was worse than the dirt under his shoe.

And that’s how he felt.

He watched Eddie spend months after Steve left wondering what he did wrong, what drove him away, what made him decide that leaving was better than staying here or explaining his feelings.

Wayne didn’t believe in holding back when you cared about someone, especially not after everything Eddie had been through.

And he thought Steve felt the same.

He saw the way that boy watched Eddie, whispering to himself when he thought Wayne wasn’t in the room for Eddie to just wake up, saw how often he came by the trailer just to check on him when he was home.

In short, nothing he did made any damn sense.

And what didn’t make any damn sense at this very moment was the fact that Steve was standing on Wayne’s porch holding Eddie’s hand.

“Someone better start talkin’ before I lock the both of ya out of this trailer,” he said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Wayne-“

“I think you’ve earned the right to call me Mr. Munson, don’t you?”

Wayne watched as Steve gulped, Eddie squeezed his hand, and they both took a step closer together.

He sighed.

“This is a sit down talk, ain’t it?” he asked Eddie.

“Yeah, probably,” he responded.

“Fine. Get inside. Be quiet. Mia’s sleepin’ and she ain’t due to wake up for a bottle for another hour.”

He walked inside, didn’t bother holding the door for either of them.

He was mad at Steve, sure, had been for a year now.

But he felt a simmering anger for Eddie, the nephew he loved so much, and his too-forgiving soul.

The only reason he was entertaining this conversation at all was because Eddie was giving him his big puppy dog eye look, the same one he used to get away with things as a kid and teenager, the same one Mia used to get extra snuggles before bed.

He sat in his chair, watched the way Steve and Eddie sat on the couch as close as they could get without being in each other’s laps.

“So you wanna explain why you’re here or should I assume it’s to hurt my boy again?” Wayne didn’t pull his punches, never had, never would, not when it came to protecting his family.

“Wayne-“

“Ed, I’m not askin’ you. I’m askin’ him. And then I’m gonna ask you so get your answers straight,” Wayne raised his brows at him before turning his eyes back to Steve, who looked even more tense. Good. “I’m gonna assume you came back to visit and didn’t think you’d run into Eddie, but you did. I’m also gonna assume you didn’t know about Mia. I’m gonna tell ya right now, I’m more protective of her than I am of Ed and you remember how protective I am of him.”

Steve nodded.

“Well? You gonna explain or am I just gonna send you on your way?”

“I guess you’re right, mostly. I didn’t plan on running into Eddie at first, and no one told me about Mia before. But I did and I met Mia, and I was hit with this feeling that I’d missed even more than I thought, and I was reminded that I left more than just friends. I left a future. I tried to find one, but the one I could’ve had never even got a chance. I-“ Steve cut himself off, looked at Eddie to gain some courage. “I shouldn’t have left the way I did and I won’t ever forgive myself for it or expect anyone else to. I was scared of a lot of things, my feelings for Eddie one of them, and I thought running would get rid of the fear. It didn’t. I kinda learned to live with it, though, at least until I came back and ran into Eddie. I saw what he had here with Mia, with you, with the kids, and I realized that the life I’ve been living is…I dunno, wasting away? I guess I just stopped caring about anything because it was easier than feeling the pain of leaving.”

Wayne could see they’d both been crying. Steve was crying again now, and Eddie looked like he wasn’t far behind.

It was easy to see that his pain was genuine, his incoming apology was genuine.

But that didn’t change things for Wayne, not without showing that he was going to actually do something to make it right for Eddie, for the kids who were just as hurt when he left.

“I’m sorry. For leaving, for hurting Eddie, and the kids, and anyone else, especially you. None of you deserved that, none of you should have had to wonder what happened or worried that you did something to upset me to make me leave. I’m sorry that you had to clean up the messes I left behind. I’m sorry that I may never be able to make it right.”

He could feel Eddie’s eyes on him, silently begging him to accept the apology for what it was.

“I’m gonna do everything I can, though. For Eddie, and you, and Mia. You all deserve more than I can give, but if you let me, I wanna try to give all I have,” he begged.

That’s what he was doing: begging.

Wayne could see how much Steve was relying on Wayne’s acceptance. Not forgiveness, maybe, but he needed Wayne to accept that he was here and recognizing his own failures.

“You know how much you hurt him?” Wayne said softer than he’d been speaking until now. “You know how many nights I was scared to go to work because he hadn’t slept in two or three days because he was crying and worried about you? How many mornings I came home and tried to make him breakfast and he wouldn’t eat because he was too worried? And how badly he needed you when Mia got here? How many times I walked in to hear him trying to muffle his cryin’ in his pillow while she slept, asking for you?”

Eddie didn’t know he’d heard that, he’d never mentioned it, but now was as good a time as any to let it out.

“You know how much I worried about him tryin’ to hold it all together for Mia? You don’t. You couldn’t. He wouldn’t tell you how bad it was, and no one else knows how bad it was. But I was here, I saw it all, I see how he still sometimes zones out while she’s taking a bottle, starin’ at your photo by his bed. How much he still misses you, loves you. And to me, you don’t deserve it-“

“Wayne-“

“Ed, not yet,” Wayne held his hand up. “You were selfish, exactly what I expected of a Harrington, and you just show up now thinkin’ I can allow it without bein’ on edge. I hear your apology, I think you’re genuinely sorry, but that don’t mean shit to me until you prove how sorry you are.”

“Can I talk now?” Eddie asked.

Wayne looked him over, sighing as he saw his clenched jaw, his rigid back. He nodded for Eddie to talk.

“I appreciate you sticking up for me, and you’re right. He shouldn’t just be forgiven because of an apology, not with the way he hurt me and not with how much I would have to lose if he were to leave me again. I know that. But I know Steve isn’t gonna do that again. He’s not,” Eddie insisted.

“And how do ya know that?”

“Because last time we didn’t say how we felt. This time we did. We both put it all out there. He knows what it would look like to leave now,” Eddie glanced behind him towards his bedroom. “He knows what he’d be leaving and he won’t do that. Not to me or Mia, and not to you.”

"So, what? You’re movin’ back to Hawkins?” Wayne directed his question to Steve, but his eyes still glanced back at Eddie as Steve tried to form a response.

He looked hesitant, and that was more reason for Wayne to be concerned.

If Eddie had even a hint of a doubt, Wayne wouldn’t listen to any explanations. Not a single one.

“I’m…not moving back here, no.”

That’s what he thought.

“So you’re leavin’? Again?” Wayne must be missing something.

Eddie wouldn’t allow this, and Wayne certainly wouldn’t.

“I’m leaving, but Eddie’s gonna come with me. Or he will soon, at least. When he’s ready and when Mia’s ready.”

Wayne sat back in his chair.

He turned all of his attention to Eddie, who looked suddenly like he wanted to be anywhere but here.

“Oh, is that what’s happening? Not to be a negative Nancy, but how you plan on doin’ that when you can’t even get a place here, Ed? You know the city is more expensive, that’s why you ain’t gone yet.”

He hated being the bad guy, hated doing this to Eddie when he knew he knew.

But sometimes love makes you do stupid things. Sometimes you need someone with logic to step in and think for you.

And sometimes, Wayne took his protective streak just a bit too far.

Like he did now.

“I’m well aware I can’t afford shit, Wayne, thank you. I know it’s expensive, I know it’s a risk, and I know that it won’t be easy. But I also know that I can’t stay trapped here, I can’t keep Mia trapped here, and I can’t live with myself if I never fucking try!”

Mia started crying in their room and Eddie instantly let go of Steve’s hand and stood up, already looking like he wanted to cry out of frustration.

“Eds-“

Wayne watched as Steve stood with him, reaching out a hand to stop him.

“It’s fine. I’ll be back,” Eddie brushed him away, turning and walking towards his room to take care of Mia.

Steve watched him go, and Wayne watched Steve.

Steve’s face fell, eyes closing to ward off tears that started to fall anyway.

He sat back down on the couch, his face turned to the floor.

“I know you’re angry with me, but can you please not take it out on him?” Steve whispered, his voice shaking.

Wayne would give Steve one thing: he was brave. He never stood down when it came to protecting the people he cared about, even if it meant causing more trouble for himself.

He respected it, even with his negative feelings toward Steve, he knew what Steve was risking by saying something like that to Wayne, and he knew he was doing it because of how much he cared for Eddie.

“I’m not tryin’ to take it out on him. I’m tryin’ to get you both to see some sense.” Wayne leaned forward in his chair, face softening as he took in the way Steve tensed. “You’ve started a new life just as much as Ed has. You’ve got your job, your friends, your future. Adding Ed and Mia to the mix ain’t gonna be easy. You both have to think about Mia more than yourselves.”

“We know it won’t be easy. I know. I don’t expect him to make a decision that could be bad for Mia. I don’t want either of them to get hurt any more than you do,” Steve argued.

“But you’ve already hurt him. I can’t let that happen again, Steve.”

Eddie walked into the kitchen holding Mia, trying to keep her looking away from Steve and Wayne, but failing.

“Mamamamamama!” Mia started yelling.

Wayne’s brows drew up, eyes widening comically.

Steve smiled at her, giving a small wave.

“Mama!” she started smacking Eddie’s face and kicking her legs like she was trying to fly to Steve. “Mama! Uh!”

Wayne watched as Steve gave in, making his way over to where Eddie looked like he was going to collapse on the floor, exhaustion and emotions clearly all catching up to him at once.

“Hi princess,” Steve said softly, holding his hand out to get her to stop hitting Eddie’s face excitedly. “Are you having good dreams?”

Steve took her from Eddie’s arms, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before waving to him to go away.

Wayne watched.

He took in the way Eddie’s entire body relaxed, how he looked at Mia in Steve’s arms with such adoration, so much love for her.

He never doubted Eddie’s devotion to Mia, to making sure she got everything she needed and felt loved.

And watching this scene now, watching Steve make her giggle in his arms while Eddie slumped against the counter for a moment, seeing how easy it was for them to fit like this, Wayne had to admit to himself that he was being unfair.

Maybe not completely — he still felt like his worry about their future was understandable — but he could see how jumping to the worst possible outcome wasn’t necessary.

“I got it,” Steve said quietly to Eddie as Mia babbled away in his arms.

“I can-“ Eddie started.

“I got it. Go talk to him,” Steve insisted, grabbing the bottle of formula from the counter to start filling the bottle Eddie already had sitting out.

Eddie turned to Wayne.

Wayne tilted his head towards the front door, silently suggesting they go out on the porch to talk.

Eddie nodded once before pecking a kiss on top of Mia’s head and one to Steve’s temple.

* - * - * - * - * -

Eddie and Wayne had always found solace in sitting on their front porch.

When things were hard, they came out here to make them easier.

Eddie took his spot on the top step while Wayne took his spot on the rocking chair.

They didn’t look at each other, didn’t have to when they were out here.

“I think I need you to explain to me what you and Steve had before he left,” Wayne said.

Eddie looked over at him briefly, nodding as he looked back at the front yard, the pitch black of the trailer park surrounding them.

“I don’t really know if I could explain it. It was technically nothing, I mean nothing more than friends. But we both knew it was more, or would be more. I loved him a lot, Wayne,” Eddie sighed. “And I think maybe I should have told him sooner. I think he would have stayed if I’d told him.”

“Why didn’t he tell you?” Wayne asked.

“He’s got…a rough history with telling someone how he feels. I knew I would have to be the one to make that move and I didn’t so that’s on me,” Eddie sighed. “But I’m not letting him just get away with what he did. I need you to understand that. My forgiveness for him is conditional and he knows that. He’s got work to do to make it right. But he’s trying already, and I need you to understand that he deserves the chance to keep trying.”

Wayne was watching him, letting his words sink in for a minute before responding.

“I love ya, kid. I just worry about the way you love people sometimes. Sometimes they don’t really deserve what you give them, and I can’t watch ya go through that kinda hurt again.” Wayne moved to sit down next to him on the step, grunting as his knees creaked and popped. “You really think he’s the one? For you and Mia?”

“I think that there’s a reason he came to the shop on the one day I have to handle the front, and there’s a reason that Mia already is obsessed with him, and I think the reason is that he’s supposed to be mine. I think he’s supposed to be ours.” Eddie bit his lip, wringing his hands together. “I know I’ve done a good hiding it over the last couple of months, but the hurt I felt when he first left never went away. I was still hurting just as much, it just got easier to show everyone that I wasn’t. Having him back, even if it’s only been for a minute, has changed everything for me.”

Wayne nodded, encouraging him to keep talking.

“I hope you get the chance to see the Steve that I’ve been able to see. I hope you can understand that he made a mistake and he’s owning up to it and making it right. I hope you can see that he’s good for me, and he’s good for Mia, and he’s good for our future. He’s good, Wayne. He’s the reason I’m even here to convince you to like him.”

“He’s also the reason you cried yourself to sleep for months,” Wayne said before letting out a long sigh. “But I hear ya. I can’t promise I can forgive him completely right now, but I can give him a shot. I can try. But I need ya to promise me something.”

“Anything,” Eddie nodded, hesitant smile on his face.

“I need ya to promise me that you’ll visit as often as ya can.”

Eddie let out a small sob, nodding as he fell into Wayne’s side.

“As much as we can, we’ll be here. Promise,” he said between breaths, his tears soaking through Wayne’s shirt.

“You better. And if anything happens, I want ya to come right home. No told ya so’s here, as long as you’re both okay,” Wayne said as he wrapped his arms around him.

“Okay.” Eddie sniffled, but didn’t move away from Wayne. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah. I guess I should be a little nicer if he’s gonna take on the task of making sure you remember to eat breakfast and fill your tank with gas,” Wayne teased.

Eddie pulled away with a shocked face.

“I can do that stuff by myself!”

“Uh huh. Sure ya do.”

Wayne hugged him again before standing up, groaning at the way his knees popped again.

“You invite him over for dinner tomorrow so I can get to know him better. No arguin’.”

“Will you be nice?” Eddie raised a brow at him.

“I’ll do my best. For you and Mia.”

Eddie nodded, smiling up at him. “Then I’ll tell him to come over after my shift.”

Wayne gave him a pat on the shoulder before walking back inside, hopefully to be nice to Steve or leave him alone entirely.

Eddie let out a long sigh.

“Jeez. That bad?” Steve joked from behind him.

Eddie turned quickly to see him standing there holding a sleeping Mia, blanket covering everything except her face.

“No, actually. Better than expected. She drink a whole bottle before passing out again?” Eddie went to stand up and take her from Steve, but Steve held out his hand to get him to stay put.

Steve sat down next to him slowly, making sure not to jostle Mia too much where she was drooling against his shoulder.

“She had about half.” Steve rubbed her back slowly, leaning his head onto Eddie’s shoulder.

Eddie wrapped his arm around Steve’s waist, tugging him into his side as gently as possible.

“She’s pretty attached to you,” Eddie whispered against his temple, letting his lips rest there while Steve relaxed against him.

“I’m pretty attached to her. And you. You’re pretty great,” Steve tilted his head up and beamed at him.

And it hit Eddie then. Maybe it should have hit a lot sooner, or maybe later.

He spent a lot of the last six months worried that it would always just be him and Mia.

Sure, he had Wayne, and the kids, and maybe even Robin if she decided to visit, but they weren’t Steve.

No matter what else he had, he never thought he’d have Steve.

Now he did, now he would.

He couldn’t help letting out a laugh, louder than he meant to, and immediately getting a glare from Steve when Mia let out a small whine.

He shushed her, patting her back and bouncing just slightly to try to keep her asleep.

Eddie watched with a fond smile.

Everything he wanted was here, everything.

He leaned down to kiss the top of Mia’s head.

“Sorry, I just realized that this is maybe the happiest I’ve been since you left. Maybe even before that,” Eddie whispered before leaning in to kiss Steve’s forehead.

“I’m gonna keep making you happy then,” Steve whispered back.

——————————

Steve spent the night, insisting on being the one to get up with Mia when she inevitably needed the other half of her bottle.

“You have work tomorrow, I’m just meeting up with the kids for a bit. I can take a nap,” he said with his hands on his hips, leaving no room for an argument.

Eddie fell asleep holding Steve against his chest, tracing patterns and words against his bare back.

When his alarm clock went off the next morning, Steve was already awake, sitting up in bed with Mia on his lap.

“Hey,” Eddie smiled at them, wiping the sleep from his eyes.

“Look who’s awake, princess!” Steve exclaimed, smiling at Mia then at Eddie.

“Mama!” Mia yelled.

“Nope, dada. Mama’s been awake. You remember, you were there. An hour ago when you decided that screaming was the best way to wake me up,” Steve said, never losing the smile on his face.

“Sorry, I usually wake up as soon as she starts crying,” Eddie apologized, sitting up so he could take her in his arms.

Steve handed her over, but cuddled into Eddie’s side instead of laying down or getting up.

“’S okay. We had a nice long talk about letting dada have his sleep, didn’t we?” Steve was poking Mia’s tummy, smiling as she giggled.

“Oh, you did?” Eddie booped Mia’s nose, smiling at her as she giggled. “And she signed the contract that says I get to sleep in until at least seven in the morning on weekends?”

Steve sighed.

“Unfortunately, my client refused that part of the contract. But she did agree to go to bed earlier tonight so we can spend time with Wayne.”

Eddie kissed the top of her head as she smacked his face and babbled random noises.

He kissed the top of Steve’s head after, smiling when Mia copied him, at least to the best of her abilities. Mostly, she left a trail of drool in Steve’s hair.

Eddie started to apologize, but Steve waved him off.

“I don’t mind, baby.”

Their morning flowed seamlessly; As Eddie got ready for work, Steve got Mia’s breakfast ready, following Eddie’s very detailed instructions perfectly.

Wayne was out fishing, had apparently already arranged with Steve that he’d be home by ten to take over watching Mia.

Steve even handed Eddie a plate of peanut butter toast with a raised eyebrow.

“Heard you forget to eat breakfast before your shifts.” Steve ran his hands through Eddie’s hair. “Not happening while I’m here. Eat.”

“Sir, yes, sir,” Eddie joked, ignoring the way Steve’s ears went red as he took a bite of the toast.

Mia babbled to herself and to them as she munched on her Cheerios and bananas, taking sips of her bottle every minute or so.

“Before you head out, is it alright if I use your phone? Just for a couple minutes.” Steve was wringing his hands together, a nervous habit Eddie had never noticed before. “I, uh. I’ve been doing daily morning check-ins with Robin. She was worried about me coming back here alone, so this is how I got her to agree.”

As much as Eddie wanted to dig deeper into that, ask a million questions about why she was so worried and why she was requiring check-ins, he knew neither of them had time for that.

“’Course you can, sweetheart. Tell her I said hi,” Eddie gave him a comforting smile.

He tried not to listen in, but the trailer was small and sound carried far, especially when Steve didn’t close his bedroom door.

But even Mia went quiet when she realized Steve had left the room, content to finish the last few bites of her breakfast in silence.

“Robs, it’s fine, I-“ A full minute of silence. “No, we talked and-“ He glanced over at Mia, who was looking towards the bedroom with her head tilted to the side like she was trying to listen too. He’d laugh if he wasn’t worried about making noise. “Robin. I’m fine. He’s fine. We’re fine. I’ll talk to you more about it tomorrow, okay?”

“Mama?” Mia asked, surprisingly quiet, like she knew she should be.

“He’ll be right back, princess.”

Eddie stood up to take care of his plate and start cleaning Mia’s hands and face from the mess she’d made.

Steve was by his side only a moment later, kissing his cheek and whispering a quick ‘thank you’ before he pulled Mia out of her high chair.

“Look at you! You did so good, princess. Barely even a mess on the bib,” Steve blew raspberries against her neck, making her laugh and flail her arms and legs.

“God, I love you,” Eddie said, unable to hold back for another second.

Steve looked over at him, eyes wide, awestruck.

“Yeah?”

As if Eddie hadn’t already professed it the night before, looked at him like he lit up the night sky ever since. As if Eddie hadn’t agreed to upend his entire life, go outside his comfort zone, take the biggest risk of his life for him.

“Yeah. More every minute, seems like.”

Steve tucked Mia against his hip, leaning over to kiss Eddie’s lips.

“I love you, too,” he breathed out, only pulling away when Mia started smacking at his cheek.

“Mama! Mama! Uh! Mama!”

“You are up, silly,” Steve said to her with a smile.

“Uh! Ooo? Ooo.”

Steve’s brows furrowed before his eyes widened and he looked at Eddie.

“Eddie. Oh my God.”

Eddie just stared back at him, waiting to understand what the sudden panic in Steve’s eyes was about.

“She’s trying to say ‘I love you’, listen,” Steve turned back to Mia and poked her belly. “Were you tellin’ Dada you love him?”

“Mama! Uh oooo!”

It seemed like a reach, but it was pretty damn close for what Mia was actually able to say.

“Sounds like she’s telling Mama she loves him,” Eddie nudged Steve’s arm.

He would probably be upset that Steve was getting all this attention if it wasn’t as adorable as it was, or if Steve didn’t have the reaction he did to most of it.

“I think she just doesn’t know how to say Dada yet,” Steve replied, but his eyes were filling with tears and Eddie knew he would start crying any moment.

“Maybe. Or maybe she loves us both.”

Steve kissed the top of her head and turned back to the clock on the wall.

“You’re gonna be late if you don’t go!” he exclaimed, pushing Eddie out of the kitchen.

“Okay, but-“

“No, go!”

“Kiss!” Eddie demanded, barely holding back an actual pout.

Steve kissed him again, a quick peck on the lips so he would hurry out the door.

“Bye! Love you both!”

“Love you!”

Those words would be all Eddie needed to get through his day.

———————————

Mondays were Adam’s days to bring lunch for them.

He’s a naturally good cook, always makes them some kind of casserole that’s way better than it should be.

Today was no different.

He’d been busy today, catching up on some paperwork from last week while the guys worked in the shop. Mondays were like that: high stress, very little downtime, and loud music.

It’s why he was grateful Wayne never worked Mondays.

Bringing Mia to the shop on one of their busiest days of the week would be difficult, even with help.

Because of this, the day flew by.

Adam brought him a plate of food for lunch, but he worked while he ate, unable to completely avoid a couple of customer phone calls and placing an order for parts.

After lunch, he was able to work in the shop with the guys, which he much preferred to having to sit at a desk.

Customers kept coming until nearly closing time, and Eddie had to turn the last two away because he would already be here late, and he couldn’t be. Not tonight.

Tonight was dinner with Steve and Wayne and it was too important to get stuck at work.

If he asked one of the other guys to stay, they would, but he couldn’t do that to any of them, not when he was supposed to show that he was a leader.

Imagine: Eddie being responsible. High school super senior Eddie wouldn’t even believe the maturity.

“You sure you don’t need us to stay, Ed?” Michael asked.

He worked part time during the week, fixed up old cars as his main job, but was always quick to offer to stay on their busy days.

“All good guys! Won’t be much longer, anyway,” he replied with his head in the hood of the Ford Escort that had been here for most of the day.

Everyone said goodbye as they trailed out of the shop door.

Eddie was distracted, trying to loosen a bolt that seemed like it was superglued to the engine, which was why hearing Steve’s voice right behind him made him jump so high he bumped his head on the hood.

“Fuck!”

“Sorry! I’m sorry! Are you okay?” Steve’s hands hovered over Eddie’s shoulders and arms, trying to figure out the best way to comfort him.

Eddie let out a laugh as he rubbed his head, turning completely so he could smile at Steve.

“I’m okay. What’re you doin’ here?” Eddie thought he was meeting him at the trailer in an hour, but maybe he’d been mistaken.

“I, um.” Steve ran his hand through his hair nervously. “I kinda missed you. And I drove by and saw everyone leaving except for you, so I thought I’d check on you.”

Eddie’s heart flipped over in his chest.

“You worried about me, Stevie?” Eddie teased, trying to cover the shake in his voice at the thought of Steve being concerned enough to go out of his way to check in.

“Always a little worried about you. Never know what you’re getting up to,” Steve teased back, finally settling his hands on Eddie’s arms.

“I’m okay. Just wanted to try to finish this one up before I go. It’s been a problem all day,” Eddie gestured to the car in front of him.

Steve leaned over the engine, nodding to himself and making little “hm” noises as if he was thinking about what the problem could be. Eddie watched him fondly, smirking as Steve stood back and put his hands on his hips.

“I think I know what the problem is.”

“Oh? Do tell.”

Steve faced him and smiled.

“You’re not fucking me in the backseat of it.”

Eddie’s jaw dropped.

“What.”

Steve leaned in, his breath ghosting over Eddie’s lips as his surprisingly heated gaze met Eddie’s.

“I may have spent the last hour working myself up a little too much. Don’t think I can make it through dinner without you taking care of me first, baby,” Steve whispered against his lips.

“In…this car? This one?” Eddie looked at the two door car, calculating how the hell they were both supposed to fit in the backseat in any position other than vertical.

“Mhm. This one. Unless you’ve got another one somewhere?” Steve looked around the otherwise empty shop. “I guess we could always go to my car or your van, but-“

“Nope, this one works. I’ll make it work,” Eddie interrupted, wiping his grease-stained hands on the towel he kept in his back pocket.

Steve didn’t seem to care that he was messy, or that they were technically in public, even if the shop was empty and would stay that way.

His lips were on Eddie’s, hungry, teeth biting into his bottom lip in a damn near frenzy to be as close as possible.

Eddie groaned into his mouth, his hands gripping Steve’s hips hard, pushing him towards the passenger seat of the car.

They didn’t separate while Eddie opened the car door, barely even separated when Eddie sat down in the seat, pulling Steve onto his lap.

“Said you got yourself all worked up for me?” Eddie asked as he unbuttoned Steve’s pants.

“Mhm,” Steve whined as Eddie’s hand brushed against his cock, his breath hot on his neck. “Wanted to be ready.”

Eddie froze.

“Ready? Steve, did you-“ Eddie pulled back and looked up at a smirking Steve. “Jesus Christ, where did you come from, sweetheart?”

“Please fuck me,” Steve replied, not answering the question at all, but Eddie couldn’t find it in himself to care.

He was too gone on the pleading look in Steve’s eyes, his hips rocking back and forth to find friction that Eddie wasn’t giving him yet.

“Gotta get your pants down,” Eddie tugged on his waistband to emphasize his point.

Steve managed to get up enough to pull his pants down to his ankles, though it was a slower process than it would have been in bed, or really anywhere that wasn’t a customer’s car.

God, he was fucking Steve for the first time in a customer’s car. This was one for the books.

“Shit, um, condom? I don’t exactly keep them on me,” Eddie said, coming back down to earth long enough to have some sense.

Steve shook his head.

“I’m good if you are. I mean, I haven’t — I haven’t slept with anyone since, well, shortly after graduation. Wow.” Steve huffed. “I should’ve thought to bring one.”

Eddie wasn’t letting this opportunity pass, not when he knew for a fact he was good to go without.

Instead of giving him an answer, Eddie finished unzipping his coveralls and tugged the waistband of his boxers down.

“Up for a second, love,” Eddie’s tone was demanding, but gentle, a moment of softness interrupting their previous rush.

Eddie sucked on his own fingers for a moment, making sure they were wet enough to ease the way. Even with Steve prepping himself beforehand, he didn’t want to cause any type of pain, not for their first time.

He reached down between them, smiling to himself when he felt how prepared Steve already was.

“You were just driving by? Or you were driving here?”

“Well, I-“

“Seems like you came straight here the moment you had three fingers in your ass, sweet thing,” Eddie slowly pushed two fingers into Steve, smirking as he met no resistance. “So hungry for it you couldn’t even wait until later?”

Steve whimpered, nodding quickly before throwing his head back as Eddie added a third finger.

“Please, I’m ready, I promise,” Steve begged.

He was, Eddie could tell. But the teasing was too fun.

“No, I don’t wanna hurt you, sweetheart. Probably should take my time in case you didn’t stretch yourself enough,” Eddie muttered against his neck, lightly nipping the skin.

“I’m good. I’m good, really.”

Eddie felt his legs quivering around him, holding himself up while Eddie’s fingers were stretching and searching inside him clearly a difficult task.

He withdrew his fingers quickly, ignoring the whine Steve let out at the loss, and grabbed the base of his cock.

“C’mere then,” Eddie growled out.

Steve fell forward, giving Eddie the perfect position to slide inside.

Steve’s moan as he filled him was like music to his ears, loud enough to echo in the whole shop.

Eddie held him still for a moment, let them both get used the feeling. As prepped as Steve was, as loose as he’d felt around his fingers, he still tight around his cock.

“Fuck, feel so good, Stevie,” Eddie sighed out, letting his forehead rest against Steve’s chest.

Steve’s hands curled into his hair, his lips brushed against the top of his head.

“Feels better than I imagined,” Steve breathed against him.

The moment was surprisingly soft for how desperate they’d both been only a moment ago. He let himself be held, let himself hold Steve, both of them holding this intensity between them.

Eddie kissed Steve’s chest, wishing he was completely naked, wishing he could spend all night worshiping every inch of Steve’s skin.

But he’d take this for now.

He rocked his hips up, tugging Steve down at the same time.

“Holy shit, Eds,” Steve whimpered. “You’re so deep.”

Steve’s words were almost slurred and Eddie had to pull away to look up at him properly.

His face was flush, hair already a mess.

Eddie had never loved him more.

“You gonna ride me or did you do all this work for nothing?”

Steve’s eyes hardened, the mischievous gleam making Eddie smirk back at him.

“I already did all the work, baby. Thought you’d take care of me.”

Oh, Eddie was gonna have too much fun with him.

He dug his fingertips into Steve’s waist and lifted him up, only to drop him back down on his cock.

The car was already rocking with their movements, and they’d barely even gotten started. Eddie didn’t care. He barely even noticed it once Steve gripped his shoulders and actually started riding him.

“That’s it, sweet boy. Take what you worked so hard for,” Eddie groaned.

Steve didn’t answer, just let out small whimpers and pants as he used Eddie’s shoulders as leverage to lift himself up and fall back down on Eddie’s length.

They didn’t have space to do everything Eddie wanted, but he reached over to put the seat back a few inches so he could work with a new angle.

The moment Steve moved in his lap, he tensed, his lips parting into an ‘o’ shape.

“Right there, sweetheart?” Eddie asked innocently.

Steve nodded, suddenly rendered silent by Eddie’s cock rubbing constantly against his prostate.

Eddie knew they didn’t have time to drag this out; Wayne was expecting both of them for dinner soon, and this car wouldn’t fix itself.

But someday soon he would spend hours like this in Steve’s car, maybe make Steve work for it all himself first, get him screaming his name before taking over, making him lay down face first in his backseat.

Or maybe he would lay out a blanket and pillow in the back of his van, play some music, open him up with his tongue and stay there for hours, tasting every part of Steve.

Maybe he’d find somewhere in the woods, park under the night sky, and fuck Steve on the hood of his car under the stars.

At some point, Eddie must have started daydreaming out loud because Steve was mumbling ‘yes, yes, please’ and ‘want that, too’ and Eddie was a goner.

His hips sped up, the head of his cock brushing against Steve’s spot with every thrust.

“Fuck, Eds, touch me, touch me, please.”

As much as Eddie could and would listen to Steve beg all night, he knew he was too close to the edge himself to make that happen.

He wrapped his hand around Steve’s leaking cock, pumped once, twice, and Steve was done for.

He clenched around Eddie so tight he could barely move, and that mixed with the sight of Steve coming apart above him was enough for Eddie to fill Steve with his own release.

Steve collapsed against his chest, breath labored and heart racing.

Eddie’s arms wrapped around him, a small laugh leaving him as he closed his eyes.

“What’s the laugh for?” Steve asked against his shoulder.

“Just can’t believe we fucked in a customer’s car. I’ll have to leave the windows open all night to air it out,” Eddie laughed again.

Steve sat up, smirking down at Eddie.

“Maybe we knocked something right and it works now,” Steve joked.

Eddie cupped Steve’s face in his hands and pulled him down to kiss him, his tongue tracing along his bottom lip.

When he pulled away, he smiled.

“Can’t believe you really showed up at my job just to fuck me,” Eddie shook his head. “I’m supposed to be a model employee.”

Steve rolled his eyes.

“Unless there’s a camera somewhere around, no one will ever know.”

“Oh, I didn’t mention? They have a security camera set up across the shop. Just filmed your first porn, Stevie.”

Steve slapped his chest, laughing.

“I gotta get up without making a mess,” he sighed.

“Didn’t think that part through, did you?”

“I’m not sure I thought any part through other than showing up,” Steve admitted, but he didn’t sound upset about it.

“And I am so happy you didn’t.”

He meant it, but a small part of him was maybe regretting their choices when cum started to drip out of Steve’s hole as he stood up to get out of the car, right onto the carpeted floorboard.

“Never getting that out,” Eddie shook his head. “Get dressed before we stain the seat.”

“You gotta finish up here before you go?” Steve asked as Eddie did what he could to wipe the cum from the floor.

“Just gonna try to start it again. If it doesn’t, I’ll just come in early to work on it.”

Steve watched as Eddie grabbed the keys from the workbench by the car and got in the driver’s seat.

He cranked the key.

The engine turned.

The car started.

“Unbelievable. We actually did fuck something into the right spot,” Eddie laughed in disbelief.

“Seriously?” Steve snorted. “I guess you should hire me then.”

“Be careful what you ask for, sweetheart. Could use someone to sit naked on the hood while I work,” Eddie winked as he shut off the car and got out. “Ready to go?”

Steve’s face fell.

“What is it?” Eddie asked.

“Just nervous. Wayne doesn’t like me,” Steve shrugged, trying to play it off like he wasn’t bothered when it was so clear that he was.

“He doesn’t like what you did. There’s a difference. He’s giving you a chance and you have to give him one, too, okay?”

Steve nodded.

“Okay!” Eddie clapped his hands together. “Ready to go home?”

“Yeah,” Steve smiled at the ground. “So ready.”

TAG LIST: @goodolefashionedloverboi @disrespectedgoatman @carlajim98 @loop-deloo

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #ao3 #chapter 4 #mechanic eddie munson #single dad eddie munson #wayne munson

[inktae]

it's been so long, but i used to talk to you as an anon called "titania". anyway, something randomly made me think of you and how much i used to enjoy your stories (i'm probably rereading some of them soon) and i just wanna say that i hope you're happy. :)

Hello there!!! 

Soooo, yeah…. probably very surprising I’m showing up around here what, 3-4 years later!? Whoops 😅 really sorry about that guys.

But I don’t know… recently I’ve been thinking a lot of tumblr, and all the good memories I have from this place. Something just compelled me to come here today, and seeing all of the recent messages (yours included, Titania ❤️) of people that still remember me, after all this time, warms my heart and makes me tear up. It’s honestly amazing that the impact my stories had all those years ago is still present and fresh to some people. It makes me feel genuinely happy!! 

I thought I owed you guys a quick update on my life and how I’ve been doing, and hey, if you also want to chat and/or just send me a message, it’s absolutely welcome :) 

So… where to start!? A lot has changed since I was active in here, it’s been so long (can’t believe I’m almost 30 years old :D). I remember the years I was a BTS fanfic writer as a turbulent time in my past, which I don’t think I ever truly showed on here. Writing was an escape, and writing angst was my way of dealing with emotions I didn’t know how to manage (now I do, yay therapy). It’s probably the reason why I was so good at it — all of that sadness was inside myself and it was the only way I could let it out.

I don’t write anymore, haven’t had for a while (probably a couple years), but it’s something I want to go back to eventually. I suppose it’s hard to find motivation when it’s not an escape anymore, and it was more of a tool I needed to survive back then. Now that life is much better, it’s hard to find a reason to sit down and write for hours, getting lost in fantasy worlds. But hopefully I’ll find it sooner or later — it’s definitely a skill I don’t want to abandon. Just need to get into a new kind of mindset, I guess :)

So, as for life updates… like I said, a lot has changed! I believe I was still living with my parents when I was last active here (2018). A few months after that I moved out, became independent, and quickly realized how toxic my family life was. I obtained a new kind of freedom and learnt more about myself than I ever had in the past. Leaving my parents and lowering contact with them definitely changed me for the better, which I believe is why I stopped needing to write so much. 

I lived with three roommates for a while, which wasn’t smooth sailing... I didn’t connect with them in any way, and I was still learning how to live on my own, which came with its own problems and unfortunately provoked lots of fights amongst us ^^’ so that was definitely a learning period heh. I left after a year to live with another friend, which went WAY better, and then, as life would have it, I met a very cute, incredible boy who is still my partner to this day and the most important person in my life. 

We have been living together for a year and even have a dog together! a very stubborn, very rebellious but absolutely gorgeous 1 year old pup :)) honestly it’s an amazing relationship, it’s not perfect and we’ve obviously had some rocky moments, but we have healthy communication and we understand each other like no one else does. Sometimes I still have to pinch myself, because I never thought I would ever meet someone like him, someone I could connect with so deeply. We have been together for almost 2 years, and still going very strong. It's a very stable and solid relationship, we're both into therapy and communicating every issue (though I have to say he's way more emotionally mature than I am haha) which is amazing.

I’m also into spiritualism these days and spend quite a lot of time getting to know myself, learning about breaking down social constructs and inner beliefs, meditation and practicing mindfulness. It’s something I’m excited to continue exploring and it has led me to want a quieter life for myself in the future. Bf and I are actually making plans for the longterm to move far away from the city center, so we can live closer to nature and feel more connected to the earth (sounds like hippie stuff but I promise it's not lol).

To give you one last anecdote (a not so happy one) I did get covid twice and it was absolute HELL for me, even developed pneumonia which was no fun and quite scary. I hope none of you guys had to go through this and if you got covid (statistically speaking, chances are most of you did) I hope it wasn't as destructive as it was for me.

I think that's it! the important stuff, at least. Honestly, if you told me 4 years ago this was going to be my life I would have laughed in your face. I’ve come a long way (mostly thanks to therapy!!) and I have so many exciting plans for the future that I can’t wait for. :’)

So.. even though coming back here and being active as a tumblr writing is not in my plans anymore, I do remember this blog with so much fondness. It definitely saved me and protected me back then, it helped me feel less alone and played an important part in growing my confidence, mostly thanks to readers and followers like you, who cheered me on and believed in me even if you didn’t know me personally. You guys really have no idea how much you helped me.

I will read over the messages you guys have been leaving me these last few years, and like I said, if you want to chat and leave me a message you’re welcome to do so. I’m not writing fanfics anymore but I’d still be very happy to hear from you all.

If you read all of this, thank you ❤️ I wish you all well and I hope you’re all doing amazing!!

Mari

#thank you so much Titania for reaching out! it makes me happy you still remember me! #<33333

[minimavampiress]

★ -- 𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐒𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍 ( 𝐖𝐄'𝐋𝐋 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐁𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 ) 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 - 𝐩𝐭 𝟑

𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐍

❝ The dawn isn't here ; the sun hasn't rose. ❞ ❝ Last that I heard , you were down in New Orleans. ❞ ❝ I drink 'til I drown and I smoke 'til I'm burnin'. ❞ ❝ I worry for you , you worry for me . . . it's fine if we know we won't change. ❞ ❝ I'm leavin' this town and I'm changin' my address . . . I know that you'll come if you want. ❞ ❝ It's not Halloween , but the ghost you're dressed up as sure knows how to haunt. ❞ ❝ I'm losin' myself in the tiniest objects. ❞ ❝ I know that you fear that I'm wicked and weary. ❞ ❝ I know that you're fearin' the end. ❞ ❝ I only tell the truth when I'm sure that I'm lyin'. ❞

𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐊

❝ How have you been ? Are you bored yet ? ❞ ❝ The weather ain't been bad if you're into masochistic bullshit. ❞ ❝ This place is such great motivation for anyone trying to move the fuck away from hibernation. ❞ ❝ I'm tired of dirt roads named after high school friends' grandfathers. ❞ ❝ Times moves so damn slow , I swear I feel my organs failing. ❞ ❝ I stopped caring about a month ago ; since then it's been smooth sailing. ❞ ❝ I would leave if only I could find a reason. ❞ ❝ I got dreams , but I can't make myself believe them. ❞ ❝ I will die in the house that I grew up in. ❞

𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐋𝐋

❝ It only falls into place when you're falling to pieces. ❞ ❝ You miss something that you can't place , but you can't deny it. ❞ ❝ Don't know whether you want a place in the coast or the country . . . ❞ ❝ It's like I'm still here with you. ❞ ❝ I don't want to say goodbye. ❞

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐖 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐕𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐒

❝ For a minute , the world seems so simple. ❞ ❝ I am not scared of death. ❞ ❝ I've got dreams again. ❞ ❝ It's just me and the curve of the valley. ❞ ❝ A minute from home , but I feel so far from it . . . ❞ ❝ It's all washin' over me ; I'm angry again. ❞ ❝ The car's in reverse ; I'm gripping the wheel. ❞

𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃𝐒 , 𝐌𝐘 𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃𝐒

❝ Who was I to watch you wilt ? ❞ ❝ You'll always be a flower on my skin . . . and the pain that I am in. ❞ ❝ You were a work of art . . . that's the hardest part. ❞ ❝ You asked me why I wasn't saying a word. ❞ ❝ I'm naming the stars in the sky after you. ❞

#noah kahan lyrics #rp meme #rp ask meme #ask box memes #rp starters #lyric starters #noah kahan meme #rp ask box starters #rp prompts #rp memes #inbox memes #sentence meme

[cardcaptorsakura96]

Fairy Tales-Chapter 4

Fandom: Supergirl

Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor

Characters: Kara Danvers, Lena Luthor, Original Danvers/Luthor Children, Jess, Zatara, Zatanna, Billy Batson, Lillian Luthor, Alex Danvers, Kelly Olsen, Kanna (original character), Krypto,

Summary: Lena finally has the work and home life balance that she wants and is excited to get to spend the next two weeks that she has off with the girls while Kara is away. She believes that it will be smooth sailing, but things are not as they seem.

Word Count Up To For All Chapters Combine: 13,880

Chapter 1 link, Chapter 2 link, Chapter 3

The twins started bouncing up and down in the car once their grandma’s house came into view. 

The girls screamed, “Grandma!” 

They bolted from the car and ran to Lena’s mother who was already standing in front of the house.  Lena sighed because she knew she had some explaining to do once she got inside the house. She made sure her face looked passive enough, got out of the car, grabbed her and the kids stuff, and walked to the front door. When she got inside, she saw only her mother standing there. 

“Where are the girls?”

“They are in the playroom getting acquainted with my temporary guest.”

“Who would that be?” asked Lena warily.

Lillian smirked and said, “Follow me.” 

They walked through the living room and exited to the sliding doors which led directly to the playroom. Alexa and Liza were huddled in a corner hunched over something. As Lena got closer, she stopped. Alexa and Liza were currently hunching over a white dog that looked like a curly coated retriever. The girls giggled over the dog while braiding ribbons in its hair. Lena was surprised that the dog looked so content. 

Lena looked back to her mother in shock and asked, “You got a dog?”

“He is only temporarily here” said Lillian waving to the girls. 

“I asked you for a cat when I was little. You said that anything that licks itself belongs outside with the other beasts” muttered Lena. 

“As I said, he is only temporary. I have to find him a home.” said Lillian while motioning Lena back into the living room. 

They both went to sit on a couch that was facing the girls so they could still see what they were doing. In front of the couch,  there was a table with a spread of tea, cookies, honey, and sugar. 

As Lena went to pour herself some tea, she mused, “The dog’s former owner must be desperate if they trusted you to find him a home.”

Lillian smirked and said, “Technically, I am the owner of the dog.”

“What!”

As Lillian poured herself some tea, she asked, “Remember Alexa did a presentation on animal rights a couple of months ago?”

“Yes. Why?” asked Lena warily.

“Well, she gave an impeccable speech on the importance of treating animals with respect. It really moved me.”

“Really?” asked Lena, giving her the side eye. 

“Yes, really. It made me want to do better. Thus, I had been gradually finding homes for the animals Cadmus had been experimenting on.”

Lena stared at her mom baffled. Cadmus is Lillian’s organization. She used to use it to try to create genetic technology to annihilate all alien lifeforms on earth. However, since the girls had been born, she has been using the company to try to improve the health quality of life among the aliens on this planet. Lena had made multiple suggestions to Lillian over the last couple of years including the one to stop the testing on animals. Lillian had told her it would increase cost to stop the testing all together. 

“I didn’t think you cared so much about how the girls think of you” mused Lena. 

Lillian looked to the side away from Lena and said with her voice wavering, “Of course I do. I know I have given you plenty of reasons to see the worse in me. I don’t want to leave that same impression on the girls.”

“Mother.” Lena said softly.

Lillian fanned her eyes and said, “That’s beside the point now. I know you are avoiding the real topic at hand. Would you care to tell me about the new threat that you and the girls are facing, and why your so-called wife isn’t doing anything about it.”

Lena winced because she was not wrong. She would rather pick up dog poop instead of going into details of what is going on. 

Lena sighed and said, “Kara is off world conducting peace negotiations with several alien species, or I would have dealt with this together with her.”

“Convenient time for her to go into space” muttered Lillian while sipping her tea. 

“Mother!”

Lillian chuckled and said, “It is not a dig. Isn’t it convenient that a threat comes up and your main defender is gone?”

Read the rest on AO3

#supergirl #dc comics #kara danvers #lena luthor #dc universe #supercorp #kara danvers x lena luthor #fanfiction #fanfic #supergirl fanfic #supergirl fanfiction #dc comics fanfic #dc comics fanfiction #supercorp fanfiction #supercorp fanfic #supercorp fandom #kara danvers x lena luthor fanfiction #kara danvers x lena luthor fanfic #lillian luthor #original luthor/danvers children #jess #zatanna #zachary zatara #billy batson #alex danvers #kelly olsen #krypto the superdog

[miseryexperiencer]

Two months since you got back

How have you been and are you bored yet?

The weather ain't been bad

If you're into masochistic bullshit

And every photograph

That's taken here is from the summer

Some guy won Olympic gold

Eight years ago, a distance runner

And that makes a lot of sense

This place is such great motivation

For anyone trying to move

The fuck away from hibernation

Well, I'm tired of dirt roads

Named after high school friends' grandfathers

The motherfuckers here still don't know they caught

The Boston bombers

Time moves so damn slow

I swear I feel my organs failing

I stopped caring 'bout a month ago

Since then, it's been smooth sailing

I would leave if only I could find a reason

I'm mean because I grew up in New England

I got dreams but I can't make myself believe them

Spend the rest of my life with what could have been

And I will die in the house that I grew up in

I'm homesick

I'm homesick

I'm homesick

Oh

I would leave if only I could find a reason

I'm mean because I grew up in New England

I got dreams but I can't make myself believe them

Spend the rest of my life with what could have been

And I will die in the house that I grew up in

I'm homesick

I'm homesick

I'm homesick

I'm homesick

Oh

#HOMESICK BY NOAH KAHAN THE GIRL YOU ARE!

[stargazing-and-peoplewatching]

a collection of lyrics that make me think of someone else

i think it's time to go now i think my curtain's falling just don't forget about me when you get out of college if it's my final album and if i am forgotten i hope i made you smile that's all i ever wanted

both my current college friends who are already graduating next year and my old high school friends who i feel like i'm falling out of touch with. i have this,, fascination with being forgotten, you'll see.

am i ready for love? or maybe just a best friend should there be a difference do you have instructions? maybe i'm stuck on what i see on tv i grew up on disney but this don't feel like disney

i love you, angel. i'm not going to leave, but god this lyric plays through my brain every other day. i knew how hard this would be and it still knocked me off my feet. i'm going to keep trying.

maybe a hundred bad days made a hundred good stories a hundred good stories make me interesting at parties

i miss you. you introduced me to ajr and this was the first song you showed me. you thought it fit sylvie and the time, and i think it fits you now. i wonder where you are. i hope you're okay.

and i took a job for just july but feels like i might be here for life yeah, i'm in it now, i'm in it now could i start again somehow? ... so i spent last night blowing up my life now you won't see me again cheers to the front, and cheers to the back and cheers to the 2010s i could hate my guts when the sun comes up but i like myself like this i like myself like this

this is for the same person as the last one. i remember you saying how you liked this song when the album came out. you had that shitty taco bell job over the summer and i haven't really heard from you since. we still wish you happy birthday. we leave posts for you like leaving a light on for when you come back. i would get it if you don't though. maybe you're figuring out how to move on. know we love you.

two months since you got back how have you been and are you bored yet? ... that makes a lot of sense this place is such great motivation for anyone trying to move the fuck away from hibernation ... time moves so damn slow i swear i feel my organs failing i stopped caring 'bout a month ago since then it's been smooth sailing i would leave if only i could find a reason i'm mean because i grew up in new england i got dreams but i can't make myself believe them spend the rest of my life with what could've been and i will die in the house that i grew up in i'm homesick

you don't like noah kahan. i associate you with this song because when it came on at 2am you said you don't listen to him because his songs would be too real for you. you flipped off my laptop at the chorus. that night we talked about how we tried to get out of our childhood spaces. that's the easiest way i can put it, because nyc doesn't really count as a hometown, does it?

are you tired of me yet? i'm a little sick right now but i swear that when i'm ready i will fly us out of here

nowadays i only go to you when i don't have anyone else to talk to. i try not to, you deserve better than that. yknow you were probably the first transmasc person i ever met. you matter so much to me and you were a lifeline and we don't really talk anymore. it's probably my fault. back when we were younger, back when i didn't know how to play the ukulele, you played and i sang and that was the first interaction i remember having. i kept trying to recreate it. that last time didn't feel the same.

so can i call you tonight? i'm trying to make up my mind just how i feel could you tell me what's real anymore? i hear your voice on the phone now i know i'm not alone just how i feel could you tell me what's real anymore? cause i wouldn't know.

it feels crazy, i feel crazy thinking i've lost a dozen people to distance and time. you all are right there but it doesn't feel the same anymore. we're all growing up and we don't have the time anymore. yknow, i'm thinking of doing my old experiment again. i could. and then maybe i'd feel close to you guys again. i miss staying up with you all. now i just do it alone.

we were tight knit boys, brothers in more than name you would kill for me and i knew that i'd do the same and it cut me sharp hearing you'd gone away but everything goes away, yeah, everything goes away but i'm gonna be here till i'm nothing but bones in the ground and i was there when you grew restless left in the dead of night and i was there when three months later you were standing at the door all beat and tired and i stepped aside

i think about those characters we made once. you were the murderer and i was the ghost. the days when we were the closest pair feel like forever ago, and if i said it like that, you'd probably say it's both of our fault. that i can't be mad that i also let our friendship fall through. it is my fault, isn't it. every duo i write is what i wanted us to be. i miss you. i thought we'd stick by each other's side forever. i know it's my fault.

#my own work #almost poetry #unsent

[sorcadh]

Homesick - Noah Khan

Two months since you got back

How have you been and are you bored yet?

The weather ain’t been bad if you’re into masochistic bullshit

And every photograph

that’s taken here is from the summer

Some guy won Olympic gold

eight years ago a distance runner

And that makes a lot of sense

this place is such great motivation

For anyone tryna move

the fuck away from hibernation

Woooo

Well I’m tired of dirt roads

named after high school friends’ grandfathers

And motherfuckers here

still don’t know they caught the Boston bombers

Time moves so damn slow

I swear I feel my organs failing

I stopped caring ‘bout a month ago

since then it’s been smooth sailing

I would leave if only I could find a reason

I’m mean because I grew up in New England

I got dreams but I can’t make myself believe them

Spend the rest of my life with what could have been

And I will die in the house that I grew up in

I’m homesick

I’m homesick

I’m homesick

Oh

I would leave if only I could find a reason

I’m mean because I grew up in New England

I got dreams but I can’t make myself believe them

Spend the rest of my life with what could have been

And I will die in the house that I grew up in

I’m homesick

I’m homesick

I’m homesick

I’m homesick

#noah kahan #homesick #Youtube

[thiscoffeelooksbiracial]

😭

I've been going back and forth with myself for the last year and I have come to the conclusion that yes, I did blow up my life for no reason.

But I'm here now and I can't stop or go back. I could try, but that would be the path to homelessness and becoming fully unhinged. Unfortunately, I'll be the most stable if I stay at the job I hate and finish the career path that now wholly uninterests me.

I was relieved because it meant that I wouldn't have to worry about money or finding a job for 15 months. But corporate sucks and while I'm comfortably paid, it's not the kind of money to make me content to just produce slide deck after slide deck until I retire.

Also, the world is burning and I feel like I have to pretend it's not. What's the point of all of this if there won't even be a society when it's time for me to retire?

On the bright side, it's almost March so there's only 10 months to go. I hope things turn around by then or I've at least found a path forward.

I will simply show up, do the minimum and not quit. The only way I'm leaving is if I'm fired. So the next thing to do is to build up a 3 to 6 month emergency fund so that if I really must quit I'll have enough money to get by.

Mentally the past two months have been rough. Most of it was work stress which probably affected my hormones. My period was a month late so imagine six weeks of pmdd rather than two. I've survived, but I have started to consider getting on lexapro. Sis is on it with great results so maybe that could be the ssri that finally works for me. I've also been eating well and exercising and I've stopped taking unisom on a nightly basis. So maybe I can maintain my mental health without drugs. If not I know I can get a 3 month supply for about $100 including the mental health assessment so I'll keep that in mind. I ordered a pms support supplement from iherb. I'll give it another month before I can say whether it's really made a difference.

I finally got an industrial piercing. For the longest I was worried about looking respectable and whether potential employers would make me take it out before it healed so I never bothered. I also got my nose pierced at the same time. The nose hurt more initially, but I think that one may heal the easiest. My only issue with it is that I didn't know what the L-shaped piercing looked like so when it came loose in my sleep, I spent about 30 minutes looking for some time of latch that I thought fell out 🤦🏾‍♀️Pushed it back in and it's been smooth sailing ever since.

The industrial has been super crusty and I can't tell if a bump/keloid is forming or if things are still a bit swollen 10 days in. I bought some piercing cleaner that's well reviewed on amazon, but it's pretty much just a weaker, non-lidocaine version of the bactine I got at the piercing shop. I know it's early, but I did take the industrial out because I needed to wash my hair and I didn't want my hair to get tangled up in the bar. Mildly uncomfortable to re-insert, but not impossible. I've read it can take up to a year to heal, but I hope it can be healed sooner. I think I'll give it until June and then get 3 holes in each lobe. Then in September get a helix. I also want to start a sleeve next month for my birthday.

#it's the end of the world as we know it #and I'm gonna look the way I want

[versadies]

“Gemini + Ningguang & Beidou + a gn reader fleeing from home and arriving in Liyue for the first time + Yandere/Angst + where Ningguang and Beidou are each other's enemy, but share the same lover? Either format is fine~” Congratz on 1k+ followers ! ♡

trapped (yandere, hc scenario)

penpal: tysm ! hope this is to ur liking anon 💖

prompt: gemini the twins, enemy-lover imprint soulmate au

sypnosis: when you fled from inazuma, you expected to have a new fresh start at life. but now you're stuck in something worse than inazuma.

pairing/s: ningguang x gn!reader x beidou

include/s: yandere (i do not condone to this nor romanticize this), pre-archon quest, and angst/bad ending for reader

-> when you escaped from inazuma, you felt relieved.

-> the moment you stepped foot on liyue harbor, you were ecstatic for the new chapter of your life. now that you managed to escape from the vision hunters' clutches, you're now free to do whatever you wish without any worries.

-> the first person you met in liyue was xiangling, who gladly welcomed you to the nation and cooked you some delicious liyue cuisines, to which you surprisingly find yourself loving them despite the spiciness. while enjoying your meals, xiangling curiously asked you where you came from.

"ohh, you're from inazuma?" xiangling says in awe. "it must've been a struggle for you to get all this way from here given what the nation is going through right?"

you nod in response, swallowing down your meal. "it is but it's worth it."

xiangling smiles gratefully. "well i'm glad you had safely arrived. do you have any questions about liyue? i can offer you one or two about the city." your eyes widens from the chef's offer, taken back by surprise from her kindness. "o-oh uhm, is there anyone here who's been to inazuma?"

the chef hums, thinking for a moment. "well, there is one person who also went from inazuma– her name is atsuko. i heard that she came here with the help of beidou and the crux!" she replies.

you furrowed your eyebrows. "...who is beidou and the crux?"

xiangling gasps. "oh celestia! people weren't really lying when they said inazuma is super closed off!" you watched as the chef sits down on one of the seats across from you. "beidou is one of the most amazing people ever! she's famous for slaying haizhan without her vision and a lot of people respect her. she is honestly the greatest! every time i go out sailing with her, she always manages to fish up lots of fresh ingredients! octopus tentacles go great in soup, and seaweed fries up great with some chilies. she and her crew love my cooking–"

suddenly xiangling stops talking, noticing a certain person outside of the restaurant.

"...are you okay–" your eyes widens when the chef puts her finger in front of your lips, gesturing you to keep quiet as she stares at what appears to be a woman with elegant presence walking pass by.

when you glance at where xiangling was looking, your breath hitched at the sight of red eyes staring back at you.

although it was only a few seconds, it felt so much more for you.

the moment the woman was out from your vision, your thoughts were cut off by the chef. "y/n? are you alright?" xiangling asks.

before you could reply, she immediately sighs in dismay. "did you see that woman passing by? that's the tianquan. let me tell you, she knows everything that happens in liyue, so be sure to keep a low profile alright?"

you blink a few times before looking at the chef, not listening to her warning moments ago. "who was that?"

-> thanks to the chef, you've learned a few things about liyue harbor.

-> although you're planning on talking to atsuko, it was easy to say that you're more interested in getting to know more about beidou and ningguang–

-> after all, who wouldn't be interested in getting to know the very two people whose names are written on your one wrist?

-> while everyone in teyvat has one name in each of their wrist, yours have two. it was one of the most strangest things in inazuma for everyone, with them wondering whether you should be lucky to have two lovers or be unfortunate to have two enemies.

-> it didn't help that people constantly ask you about your marks, as though they expect that you knew all the answers.

-> you felt trapped with the weigh of the so-called destined people of yours. you wished you knew the answers that your peers are asking, but what exactly can you do? you couldn't even bring yourself to leave the nation since you had no reason to tell everyone and not have enough experience in traveling.

-> however, the moment you heard news about the raiden shogun's sudden commands in closing off inazuma from the other nations and announce the vision hunt decree, you knew you had to run away.

-> which brings you to where you are now, determined to find and confront the two women who could be your destined lovers.

-> however, it appears that they already beat you to it.

"greetings, are you uhm.. y/n l/n?" you flinch in surprise when a blue haired woman suddenly confronts you, causing her to smile apologetically. "my apologies in surprising you."

"oh uhm, it's fine. no need to apologize- and yes, i'm y/n l/n."

the woman sighs in relief. "oh good. my name is ganyu, secretary of the qixing. i've been sent by the tianquan to give you an invitation to visit the jade chamber when you're available."

"the tianquan wants to see me?" you ask in disbelief. was it because you're from inazuma?

ganyu nodded in response. "yes. unfortunately i can't provide you a reason as to why she sees you but she expects you to come as soon as you're available."

you thought of the situation for a moment, thinking of what to do. were you this lucky to caught the attention of the tianquan or should you be worried that you may become a target to a high authority?

surely the tianquan wouldn’t do anything bad to the person who can be her lover, right?

you exhaled and look at ganyu with a determined look on your face. "...i can go now."

-> you’re honestly thankful that you decided to come with the secretary, especially since the way to the jade chamber was complicated and confusing for someone like you.

-> as much as you're excited to see the woman that you've been dying to meet ever since you were a child, you couldn't help but feel intimidated of what is to come. what if she's threatening you to get out of the nation because of your homeland? what if she thinks you've done something wrong that you didn't do?

-> when you and ganyu arrived, your eyes widens at the sight of the woman.

"as expected, you have arrived." she says, your heart skipping a beat from her smooth-like voice. if elegance was a person, the tianquan is surely the right one. "i am ningguang, the tianquan of the qixing. it's a pleasant to meet you, y/n." she introduces herself.

"i've heard winds about your presence in liyue harbor. as the tianquan, i would like to personally welcome you." she explains. you watched as she opens her fan with a small smile. "how do you feel about the city? i hope you're feeling comfortable with what it offers."

you suddenly felt your cheeks warm, looking away from her gaze. "well uhm, i would like to thank you for inviting me to your humble place and uh, to answer your question: the city is very welcoming and lively.”

"i'm glad to hear that.” she then gestures the jade chamber behind, turning around and head towards to the front doors of her home. “come with me, i would like to show you the inside of the jade chamber."

-> when you entered the jade chamber, you were astounded from how extravagant the inside is. every area and detail screams luxury, giving you more reasons to respect the tianquan with every step you take by her side.

-> as you two head towards an area that ningguang describes as the lounge, you noticed another woman drinking alcohol while sitting on one of the seats.

"..beidou." ningguang says, unpleasantness laced within her tone. "it appears that our guest has arrived quickly than we thought."

your eyes widens, watching the woman, beidou, putting her bottle aside and look at you curiously.

you couldn't help but be surprised by how her facial expression suddenly changes so fast.

"ah! you must be y/n," she exclaims, walking towards you with a grin. "i've heard about you from xiangling. sorry if ningguang over here intimidated you, haha!"

you look at beidou and then at ningguang, unsure with the purpose for this visit. "i'm sorry if i sound rude but... may i know what's going on?"

the woman beside you chuckles in response, closing her fan and kept it aside. "you haven't realized yet, dearest?" she asks in amusement.

your breath hitches when you felt beidou's arm wrapped around your shoulder, causing you to feel overwhelmed from the sudden change of atmosphere that went from light heartedness to something sinister and dark.

ningguang then continues, her tone now darker and determined unlike before. "you are our lover, dear y/n. it would be a shame if you were to get away from liyue like how you got away from inazuma, hm?"

your face suddenly pales in response to what she’s hinting, your heart slowly drops in dismay.

just when you thought you finally found freedom, you found yourself being trapped once again.

#sorry if the ending is rushed i honestly didnt want to make this fic too long !! #pls lemme know if youd like a part 2 anon!! #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact fanfiction #genshin headcanons #genshin ningguang #ningguang x reader #genshin beidou #beidou x reader #beidou x you #ningguang x y/n #ningguang x you #beidou x y/n #genshin yandere #yandere genshin impact #yandere #genshin angst #yandere ningguang #yandere beidou

[persephonememes]

* (  STICK SEASON (WE'LL ALL BE HERE FOREVER) BY NOAH KAHAN /  SENTENCE PROMPTS

" how you been? "

" what does it mean? "

" i am stuck between my anger and the blame that i can't face "

" i miss the way you laugh "

" but you know how it gets out here "

" you got all my love "

" if you need me dear, i'm the same as i was "

" it's all okay, there ain't a drop of bad blood "

" i just hope that your scars heal "

" i was scared to death "

" i'll never let you go "

" i don't get much sleep most nights "

" i'm seeing you in every dream "

" i'll love you when the oceans dry "

" i'll love you when the rivers freeze "

" don't you know there's a coffin buried under the garden "

" i'm in the process of clearing out cobwebs "

" someday i'm gonna be somebody people want "

" it's been a long year "

" would we survive in a horror movie? "

" i wanna love you 'till we're food for the worms to eat "

" i know every route in this county "

" i'll tell you where not to speed "

" honey, come over "

" no one will tempt you, we know you got sober "

" it's yours if you want it "

" i've been ready for you to come home "

" i didn't think to ask you where you'd gone "

" why'd you go? "

" i haven't drank in six months on the dot "

" don't you find it strange that you just went ahead and carried on? "

" the last time i drank i was face down passed out there on your lawn "

" are we all just pulling you down? "

" remember telling me that you thought you were cursed? "

" love is fast asleep on a dirt road with your head on my shoulder "

" those things I miss but know are never coming back "

" if i was empty space and you were formless shape we'd fit "

" i'm still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them "

" i know there are worse ways to stay alive "

" why is pain so damn impatient? "

" the last that i heard you were down in new orleans "

" i worry for you. you worry for me. "

" it's fine if we know we won't change "

" i'm leaving this town "

" i know that you're fearing the end "

" i only tell truth when I'm sure that I'm lying "

" how have you been and are you bored yet? "

" time moves so damn slow "

" i stopped caring about a month ago since then it's been smooth sailing "

" i would leave if only i could find a reason "

" i got dreams but i can't make myself believe them "

" i don't want to say goodbye "

" i'm still here with you "

" for a minute the world seems so simple "

" who was i to watch you wilt? "

" i promise to be there this time "

" i'm naming the stars in the sky after you "

" i'm remembering i promised to forget you now "

" it's all the same, anyways "

" i ain't proud of all the punches that i've thrown "

" i gave your name as my emergency phone call "

" i'd die for you "

" why do you do this to yourself? "

" this place had a heartbeat in its day "

" it just ain't that simple, it never was "

" we'll drink to new year's "

" i'm not ready to let go yet "

" now the weight of the world ain't so bad "

" i saw the end, it looks just like the middle "

" who am I to complain? "

" now the pain's different. it still exists, it just escapes different. "

" don't you cancel any plans "

" all lights turned off can be turned on "

" i'll drive all night "

" don't be discouraged "

" i've been exactly where you are "

" if you could see yourself like this, you'd have never tried it "

" won't you stay with me? "

" i even gave up driving after nightfall "

" i'm ain't angry at you, love "

" i'll be waiting for you "

" we spent so long just getting by "

" i'm not a city girl "

" it still has a lot of meaning to me because i grew up there "

" it's a small community of people that really look out for each other "

" last time i was in the back of a cop car, i fell in love "

" it's all the same anyway "

#rp meme #rp memes #rp prompts #ask meme #meme #memes #ask memes #roleplay meme #lyric meme #lyrics #noah kahan

[dourpeep]

Happy Father's Day! Enjoy a sweet little thing I whipped up in celebration :>>

Thank you to @the-mermaid-of-mondstadt for the name suggestion for Kazuha's son-

A Reason for Dreaming

Summary: A celebration, not just of fatherhood, but the little things that led to this lovely day spent with his wife and child.

Contains: Kazuha x afab!Reader, fluff, father's day, meet cute, domesticity, having a child together, Reader is Traveler but not Aether or Lumine

A little boy with ruby eyes and a smile brighter than the sun runs over to you clutching a large leaf. It’s green, picked fresh from a tree, no doubt.

He holds it in his small hands, arms sticking straight out towards your face.

“Oh? What are you doing, love? Having fun?”

“Look!”

He presses it, hard, to his face and blows, cheeks chubby with the effort. Apart from the pbbbbt that erupts, no sound comes out. But the toddler looks up proudly regardless.

“Papa did that—”

A soft chuckle comes from behind you, your husband kneeling besides him with his hand out and palm upturned.

“Let me show you again, Natsume.”

It’s a beautiful summery day with the breeze making the leaves in the nearby trees dance, the clouds slowly rolling along the endlessly blue sky. Perfect for a picnic. So you, your husband, and little sprout found a lovely area tucked over by the shore of a lake.

Spread beneath a shady spot, you sit on a large mat woven from rice straw. You pat its smooth surface, and Kazuha takes a seat, soon joined by Natsume’s hurried steps.

In his hands is another leaf.

“Here, like this.” He shifts, sitting with one knee propping up his elbow, carefully holding his leaf against his lips. With it in position, he blows and it produces a high-pitched whistle. He pulls it away and laughs as your son tries the same. Once again, it doesn’t seem to work, but Kazuha leans to press a kiss to his hair.

“I think you almost did it that time.”

When the leaves are finally set to the side due to the demands of rumbling stomachs, Kazuha lays down against the mat and watches the clouds.

He never thought he’d be able to experience this, considering his life as a wanted man, constantly running and wondering where each day will take him. The life that he led was hardly fitting for a family, yet…here he was. His eyes close, the sounds of Natusme’s laugh and the smile in your voice making his chest flutter.

It’s been a while since he first met you.

A strange traveler from a distant land, unable to return—not unlike himself.

You had run across him one evening while he napped beneath a tree, the sun pleasantly warm on his skin and the weariness he felt calling for a break. A shuffle and a concerned noise caught his attention, and he opened his eyes to see you.

Relief flooded your features to see that the man was alright, the bandages that covered his hand worrying.

Before either of you realized it, a few days of travelling with you turned to months. It’s funny how much you made him realize he missed this sort of close companionship; one he seldom had when travelling over land.

Slipping into a comfortable routine felt natural, just as it was to take a moment’s rest on a nice day or shelter during a storm.

Getting ready for the night, gazing up at the stars beside you or the early mornings where he’d awake to the breeze tickling his cheek and you still sound asleep with a leaf nestled in your hair. These little moments compiled and formed a bond unlike any other he’s known.

He had fallen in love.

So imagine his surprise when you confessed to him on night, looking out towards the ocean somewhere between Liyue and Mondstadt.

You shared your first kiss together, with the moon and stars as witness.

But nothing really changes much between you apart from the way you seem to cuddle closer to him at night and the way that his hand instinctively finds yours.

Soon, you met with a dear friend from Liyue, a mysterious old woman that Kazuha couldn’t help but wonder about. She gave you something, kindness in her eyes and you accepted it quickly.

Not wanting to intrude on the conversation, Kazuha kept to the side. Not that it stopped you from gesturing him over to view it.

A teapot, golden in color and rather large.

Imagine his surprise when you take his hand in yours, squeezing it as the world suddenly faded away.

He hadn’t known a home since his abrupt departure of Inazuma and the countless months of life spent sailing with the Crux…and although he still expected that he’d one day leave whether it was by choice or to protect you, he helped.

Chopping wood, building furnishings, carefully placing each one just right within the realm—until you had a lovely home you could return to at a moment’s notice.

The ache in his chest began to grow, the wish to stay with you only making the idea of leaving harder. Then, he surprised himself when he realized that he quickly settled into domesticity. A quiet question that he asked after a long day, muscles aching after a difficult and long commission, Kazuha inquired if you’d like to go back home.

Your eyes lit up when he said that, and though his cheeks grew warm at the slip, he’d begun to accept the idea of it.

His favorite part of this new way of life would be that there was no longer the worry of shelter, nor of safety. If you were to ask him, that is. Otherwise, it’d be the ability to see you with your messy hair and eyes heavy while you fought the sleep that would undoubtedly come. Maybe even the way that you always seem to hover when he’s in the kitchen making a meal for the two of you, curious and eager to steal a taste.

Even as straightforward as he is, Kazuha wanted to keep this little secret to himself—just for a moment longer.

Some time later, while walking around Liyue, you took up a commission posted by a few children who frequented the harbor. He watched as you played pirates, holding out a toy sword and exclaiming. The children quickly reprimand you, making you laugh because of course, of course, they meant the good kind of pirate.

You presented them with a little gift of apology, producing fresh lotus heads as a snack with a flourish.

For a brief fraction of a moment, a thought crossed his mind.

It didn’t return until one night when you two were already half asleep in bed. He thought of how he’s become used to this strangely normal life—one where he was free to travel all Teyvat yet still have a home to return to and you right beside him. He no longer had to worry for your safety as well, having proven your abilities time and time again.

It was safe. This life with you was safe. And he was so deeply in love with you just as you were with him so perhaps…

That night, he turned to you, resolute.

When he first held the little bundle in his arms, there returned that little flutter, the warmth in his chest he felt whenever he was with you. Always so sincere and expressive, believing fully that each moment should be treated with just as much importance as the last, he cried.

A smile on his lips, tears streaming over his cheeks.

To think something like this—a home, a spouse, a family—could be his as well. After so much hardship and loss…

You must’ve blessed him.

Kazuha opens his eyes to view the sky. But it’s blocked by two familiar silhouettes.

“Ah, we didn’t mean to wake you…” A leaf falls on his nose and Natsume giggles and throws himself over his chest. With the air knocked from his lungs, the man feigns distress and draws another fit of laughter from the toddler.

“So…many…regrets…”

Laying limply, a red eye opens to peek at you before closing right back while he plays dead. But the feel of insistent little pats to his cheek makes him spring up, arms squeezing around his son and an exclamation accompanying his attack.

“Got you—!”

The wind blows gently, rustling the leaves of the big tree above you, carrying the peals of delighted laughter with it. So Kazuha watches as Natsume chases after a stray falling leaf, comfortable in the little world that the two of you have created together, enjoying a beautiful day outside in celebration of this life that’s found him despite the odds.

#kazuha #kazuha x reader #genshin impact kazuha #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact fics #genshin impact drabbles #dad!kazuha #kaedehara kazuha #genshin impact fluff #feel good fic

[nightwishesworld]

Life of Death

You’re gonna need tissues for this one folks! A huge thank you to @addictedtodinosaurs for allowing me to write this wonderful headcannon! Hope you guys enjoy!

Warning: Angst. Whole lot of angst 

It hasn’t even been a day since Alcina’s world collapsed. Ethan Winters managed to flee Castle Dimitrescu with his life and topple the hierarchy Mother Miranda worked so hard to achieve. Everyone is gone; Angie, Moreau's house, Mother Miranda, even her baby brother Karl. They never stood a chance after the fall of the great Mother Miranda. Without her protection, they were left helpless. Of course, Ethan only saw them all as monsters; filthy bloodthirsty creatures that needed to be slain. That’s all anyone ever saw them as. They’re different so that must mean they’re wrong. They’re abnormally different from anything I’d ever seen so that automatically means they’re evil.

But they’re still a family. Lucky for Alcina, she never let herself depend on anyone other than herself. Well, except for her daughters.

She was wandering around the ruins of the castle in search of them. They were nowhere to be found since Ethan escaped. It was a grueling task but obviously, one that needed to be done. They need their mother’s tender love and care to nurse them back to health.

Cassandra was the first to be found. Naturally, she was found within the comfort of her basement. Where else would that silly girl be hiding? Just like Daniela, her bleeding seemed to have majorly stopped on its own. So all that was left for Alcina to do was bathe her and bandage her wounds. Alcina carried her upstairs to her bedroom slowly and carefully to not make her feel any sicker to her stomach. From there she bathed her and wrapped whatever wounds she had in delicate cloth before putting her to rest in her bed. Alcina tousled her wet hair before leaving in search of the rest of her brood.

Daniela was the easiest to find. She was left lying face down in the parlor soaked in a pool of her own blood. Her body was riddled with bullet holes to the point where her abdomen resembled Swiss Cheese. Alcina was quick to scoop her up and bring her upstairs to tend to her wounds. Until she got Daniela in the bath she used the ends of her dress to put pressure on her abdomen. Just like Cassandra, her bleeding seemed to have majorly stopped on its own. So all that was left for Alcina to do was bathe her and bandage her wounds.

Picking each individual bullet out of her body was an uphill battle, but Alcina was the eventual victor. Even better, she managed to not disturb her youngest’s slumber as she patched her up. Daniela was now free to rest as much as she needed in the sanctuary of her mother’s bed.

“What a mess we’re left with, hm? Don’t you worry about a thing my little Tasmanian Devil, Mother’s here now. I’ll protect you.”

The girls remained motionless as Alcina tucked Daniela in next to her sister.

Alcina watched as her little bundles of joy rested comfortably under the warm blankets and plush pillows. They look so sweet and at peace. It was rare for the matriarch to see them like this, but it always brought a smile to her face.

“You just rest now, my lovelies. I’m going to go find your sister so she can rest easy as well.” Alcina bends down and kisses each daughter on the forehead. “I’ll be right back.”

It took a few hours of searching to find her eldest daughter. Doing countless laps around the castle finally brought Alcina to explore the labyrinth of hidden passageways. There were a few times when said passageways brought her right back up to her bedroom. She wasn’t complaining too much though. Every time it happened she simply checked on her girls and reminded them how much she loves them.

Bela was by far the hardest to find. The sounds of scurrying behind a row of bookcases alerted Alcina to her presence. Following a single passageway eventually led Alcina to find the blonde buried from the chest down in rubble. The tunnel had collapsed from then on.

Alcina made quick work of removing the rock and rubble from her daughter's body. Rats fled back into their holes as she did so. The eldest Dimitrescu never moved even an inch. It took a while, but Alcina did manage to get her out in one piece. She whispered promises of a warm bath and offered to deep clean the dirt and dust out of her hair.

Bela couldn’t respond but Alcina knew she heard her. She could still sense her. She could sense all of them. They’re just weak, that’s all. They need as much rest as they can get.

It’s late evening by the time all three girls are bathed and tucked into bed. They were dressed in clean clothes and had their bandages changed again before Alcina crawled carefully into bed with them. She made sure to be extra careful when nudging them out of the way so she was in the middle; Bela on one side and Cassandra and Daniela on the other. Her arms wrapped around them all snugly.

It reminds Alcina of all the times the girls would burst into her room when they were little during a thunderstorm. All four of them would cuddle up just like this under the covers and either sing to them or read them a story.

“Tomorrow is a new day, my loves. We will start anew and we’ll be stronger than ever. I hope you sleep peacefully.”

The next morning comes slowly for Alcina. It’s quiet for once as the girls aren’t awake to cause mischief. Aching in her back and arms keeps her from stretching out. She smiled when she feels the girls are still snuggled up close to her.

“Good morning my darlings,” she says with a yawn. “How are we feeling today?”

Alcina kisses each daughter on the cheek and chooses not to notice how much more pale they were this morning. And certainly doesn’t recognize how stiff they were. She simply chalks it up to sleeping uncomfortably. After all, even she woke up with an aching back. Her arms wrapped around them must have really bothered them.

“It’s alright, girls. Take all the time you need to recover. You’ve been through quite the ordeal and need as much rest as you can get. I understand that. Mommy will be waiting for you right here to wake up. I’ll be the first thing you see when you open your bleary little eyes.”

The family lounged for the better half of the morning. Alcina takes her time stroking the hair of each of her girls’ hair and whispers words of comfort to them. “You’re so brave, my loves. And so strong; stronger than Mommy could ever hope to be.”

She notices a rather putrid smell coming from Daniela. One not caused by uncleanliness or a rotten meal, but something else entirely. Her immediate response is to change her bandages again, but can’t help but notice how pale Daniela had become overnight. Her lips were turning a shade of blue and the rest of her skin looked sickly. So did Cassandra and Daniela. Perhaps this is worse than simply recovering from injuries? Maybe....maybe they really were-

Alcina shook her head. They’ll wake up. Of course, they’ll wake up! They just need to rest extra long before they can really start to recover. So what if they get worse before they get better? At the end of the day, all that matters is that they do wake up. Then it’s smooth sailing from there.

The silence is suffocating. She feels the chill in her blood, coldness bringing the synapses of her brain to a standstill. Part of it is a pain, but one Alcina can endure. One she has to endure; for the sake of her daughters.

While she waited, Alcina called for a maid, the only one left, to fetch some documents from her private study that needed her attention.

They didn’t actually need her attention, of course. With the demise of Mother Miranda, the document's importance was nullified. But Alcina Dimitrescu is not the type of person to just sit around and do nothing. Especially when there are so many important things to do.

As soon as the maid steps into the room she understands what’s happening. She went through something strikingly similar when she had her miscarriage some years ago. Reality is a cruel plane of existence. Especially when you lose someone you loved suffering it with. It’s plain to see that her mistress is grieving her losses and she doesn’t have the heart to break whatever fantasies Lady Dimitrescu has built-in her head.

Instead, she chooses to play along. Delusional or not this was still Lady Dimitrescu, the woman will kill her if she tells her anything other than what she wants to hear. She gives a kind smile and curtsy to her Mistress and simply dies as she’s asked.

“Shall I fetch you some wine, My Lady?”

Alcina thought about it for a moment. It has been over 24 hours since she last fed and she was certainly craving sustenance. But ultimately decides against it in favor of her daughters.

“No. Keep what we have left safe for when my daughters wake. They’ll need their strength more than I’ll need mine.”

The maid waits a minute before trying again. She looks over at the girls still laying in bed. It’s obvious they are no longer there. She could smell the evidence of that from across the room.

“Very well, Lady Dimitrescu. I could send up a platter of-“

“Enough,” Alcina shouts but quickly catches herself from continuing. The girls don’t need to be disturbed by such a trivial matter. “Go make yourself useful and clean my daughters’ rooms. They’ll want them spotless when they wake up.”

The maid simply bows her head. “Of course, my Lady. Please forgive me.”

The next two weeks went on like this before the maid had enough. She wanted to help her mistress, she truly did, but there was nothing left for her here anymore. The last scraps of human food were officially gone and there was no reason to trek down to the village and come all the way back when she could just as easily take up residence down there. It was a gut-wrenching decision but it had to be done. She tried her best for Lady Dimitrescu and that’s all that mattered.

She slipped away in the dead of night. Normally the Lady would have any escapees hunted down and dragged back up to the castle only to be thrown in the basement. But there was no one to do that anymore. Heisenberg and his pack of lycans had perished long ago, even before the Lady’s daughters, and the Lady was too drained of emotions to care. Too weak to chase after her.

Alcina’s daughters are her everything. Every day she lived for them. She lived because of them.

Alcina took great pride in her tall stature. She is the image of beauty and elegance. The only real flaw in her design is its role in hunting down prey. You’d have to be blind or stupid to not see her coming after you. Even with her much larger strides, she wouldn’t be able to keep up. And Alcina Dimitrescu does not run. Prey is not worth running for.

So she depends on her daughters to hunt for her. They’re much more suited for the job; so young, and clever, and agile. They are her cubs and her, their lioness, too old to keep up with the hunting party.

Alcina looks at her girls and sees them as they truly are; dead. Lifeless corpses. Their bodies are decaying and cold. She has been changing the bed sheets every morning to keep away the maggots but failed to stop all of them. The smell of death is noxious even with all the windows open because Bela said she wanted to feel the crisp winter breeze.

“My girls,” Alcina sobs. “What have I done to you?”

She collapses at their bedside and finally allows herself to break down.

But looking up at them she still feels them. She can still feel their arms wrap around her shoulders as she cries. The smell of paint is still on Cassandra’s cloak and Daniela was sitting on the floor right next to her. The short ends of red hair tickled Alcina’s cheek. If they were truly gone, how is it she can still feel Bela kiss the top of her head and wrap her arms around her neck in an embrace?

“I never should have done this. How can I be so selfish? I never should have turned you to suffer as I have.” A new wave of tears blurred her vision. “What kind of mother am I?”

She knows she doesn’t have long now. How can she bring herself to care? Everyone she ever cared about was already gone. What’s the point of trying to survive without her dearest family, especially when she’s so close to being reunited. Alcina wiggles her way back under the covers and pulls her daughters close once more. She’s crying in earnest now, happy that her pain is almost over. Even now she can see her daughters playing together, maybe even with Uncle Karl somewhere in the far off distance.

A smile spreads to Alcina’s lips as she closes her eyes and simply waits for her turn to join in on the fun.

#lady dimitrescu x reader #tall vampire lady #Lady Dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu #bela dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu #karl heisenberg #KARL #resident evil #resident evil 8 #resident evil village #mother miranda