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ihni · 2 months

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Fic rec tag game

(And yes, I'm making a new one because I feel like it)

Rules (more like "guidelines" ...): Rec some fics that fit the categories below (feel free to skip some if you want)! Maybe tag some people if you want. And if you see this and think this looks like fun, consider yourself tagged! :)

I'll start. And I have read a LOT so I'm gonna say right now that it's gonna be difficult to pick just ONE fic for each category ... (Also if I mention your fic in this, yes you're automatically tagged)

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Fic that made you laugh: Play with me (Stranger Things) by @sanguine-tenshi In which Tommy, Billy, Steve and Eddie are trapped in the Upside Down for a while, and do what bored boys do when they're bored. No, not that XD "Boys being boys" at its best!

Fic that made you cry: panache (Stranger Things) by zoetropes In which ... I can't even explain it all. Just. Prom, guys. All you need to know is that I ugly-cried at chapter 17 and that I love it so much that I learned how to animate gifs simply so I could express my emotions over it. (When this fic is done I wanna print it and eat it)

Fic that made your heart melt: Prince Among Wolves (Teen Wolf) by Wrenegade (Wrenegadeone) The one where Derek has twins and work too much with his important work, and Stiles is the most awesome babysitter ever. I just ... melt over this one. And to think that once, I foolishly believed I didn't like kid fics ...

Fic that made you have to take a break while reading (perhaps you had to get up and walk the room for a bit): Third Person Singular (The Hobbit) by Wealhtheow21 Companion piece to another fic, "To Find Our Long-Forgotten Gold" which is also so good. Written from Kíli's POV, with language so CHOPPY and ... poignant? That it sometimes felt like a punch to the throat.

Old fic that for whatever reason stayed with you over the years: Responsibility (SeaQuest) by Jules In which everyone gets sick and Lucas has to take care of everyone and everything and whoopsie, some baddies are trying to take over the ship. I haven't read it in forever, I can't find it anywhere now, but I remember loving it. Lovely, lovely exhaustion fic.

Fic that inspired you to do something in real life: The Garrison Reserve (The Musketeers) by chapstickaddict and readwing In which they're all running a restaurant together. This fic combines my love for fic with the love for food, and made me buy wine for the first time in my life so I could make a proper risotto. (It was so good, too)

Fic that inspired you to do some kind of fanwork (+what that fanwork was): Words Left Unsaid (Stranger Things) by @lemonlovely In which the boys get to know each other and grow closer. I will forever subscribe to this fic <3 (And it inspired a rhyme: "Another boy's mother")

Fic that introduced you to a favorite trope: Persistence Hunting (Guardians of the Galaxy) by grocketinmypocket In which Peter proves that humans are indeed terrifying creatures. I read it for the first time ten years ago. Got me into the whole humans-are-space-orcs thing. Love it.

Fic that you'd consider a guilty pleasure (bad term for it though, no fics should make you feel guilty because fanworks are life!): Rich Man's World (The Flash) by @robininthelabyrinth Accountant!Len. Whenever I need a pick-me-up, I can always fall back on this random, but utterly lovely fic.

Fic with a ship you didn't really consider until this fic: Secrets Make This Town (Stranger Things) by @thingsalexwrites In which ... you know what? Read the summary. It's Billy/Steve/Hopper, and it's so soft and sweet (despite being basically porn).

A WIP you love: In Your Reflection (Stranger Things) by @stuffinggroves / Timetravelersunited In which Billy deals with hunger. Which I am so weak for in fics! Love this fic so far, it brings me joy.

An all-time favorite fic (AN, note that I wrote AN ... not THE): Grievance (Thor) by @peaceheather In which Loki is promptly and publicly adopted by a capable and caring Tyr. It's amazing. The whole "Odin's son, Tyr's son" series is amazing. I have it printed.

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And, just 'cause, let me tag some people (feel free to ignore, of course): @dragonflylady77 @callieb @weird-an @desperate-not-serious @robthegoodfellow and uuuuh I'm too tired to add more - if you wanna do it, please do it :) I wanna see your recs.

#fic recs #rec list #tagging games

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katyspersonal · 1 year

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Hey there, do you have an opinion or idea as to why Maria wears masculine clothes?

Oh well! The thing is, I have SEVERAL ideas, yet I haven't picked the "official" one yet. This is a reoccurring problem with me writin because 'just choosing what I like' doesn't work all that well, since my liking is based on the logic and other things, but... This is Bloodborne, soooo. :)

Regardless of the idea, there are two factors that cannot be neglected and should be considered in any:

1: Maria's Hunter attire is fashioned after male version of Cainhurst Knight clothes! Their clothes have male and female variant, and hers repeats the male variant, so she does present masculine as a Hunter.

2: Gehrman CARED about Maria. No objectification or being a creep on her (mmm what a day to THANK a certain localization team for making it hard... /s), he felt so warm towards her that the feeling alone made Doll cry tears of joy!

So, here are some possible explanations as to why as a Hunter Maria is dressed masculine, but Doll is wearing a dress!

1) Maria's clothes aren't even 'masculine'.

Basically? There is a possibility that she wasn't inspired by the Knights, but rather the Knights were inspired by her! I think that before Gehrman introduced new hunter practices and ways to craft weapons, they were warriors in that heavy golden armour with shields and big swords/spears, that proven to be very ineffective against agile beasts:

So maybe Maria was the first to adopt new ways of fighting, with lighter clothes and different weapon, and the first Knights had more or less modest clothes? The red Knight clothes elaborate with jewellery we are seeing now could be the latest developed style, and it were specifically the women in Cainhurst that developed a more pomp and pretty style on their own! Men were alright styling their clothes after hers just fancier!

2) Gehrman did not take femininity seriously, and regretted it a lot.

Maria idealised Gehrman pretty much (and Japanese original even uses a word that could be interpreted as a crush for her senpai, hahah)! So maybe he on the contrary was someone not thinking someone looking all cute and feminine could be a good fighter (the whole "don't break your nail, princess" stuff you know). And as result, Maria was trying to appear more masculine to impress him, and Doll reflects the part of her, or even 'former self' that he unintentionally took away from her due to having too much (bad) influence on her. He had very intense warmth and care put into both creating Doll's clothes and caring for Maria's hair ornament, and wished that the Doll would feel the "gentle encouragement", however that did not happen (until we DO give her the hair ornament). For me, it very obviously reads as his desperation to bring back that... cute, sweet girl looking at him all starry-eyed and loving him, as if none of this happened - not her becoming cruel hunter, not her becoming disappointed in herself AND him, not her dying...

This is from retranslation document ( x ). You can probably remember that Fishing Hamlet priest curses Byrgenwerth, and Gehrman does mention Willem in his sleepy call to free him? I interpret it as Maria not only regretting Hamlet massacre, but also not being aware of its true purpose... For all we know, it could have been Gehrman who stole OoK for Willem hoping Maria wasn't looking at him rummaging through a dead sea mom :') So there is a big chance that she did actually get disappointed in him a lot!

So what does it have to do with the dress and cute bonnet? Well, maybe that was her style, at least outside of the hunt, and Gehrman clings to what she was like before he led her on the bad path with the hunt and murder. Japanese media likes themes of 'woman tries to appear masculine in male-dominated field to be taken more seriously' for some reason! Here I think her idealising him was the more big factor, though.

3) She simply presents both masculine and feminine, depending. No bigger story about it.

I talked about it a bit more in this reblog ( x ), but TLDR; I personally concluded female Knights were relying way more on blood magic, whereas male Knights relied more on skill and/or regular force! Sort of both genetical and traditional dispersion created by years of practices dating back in matriarchial Pthumery Ihyll! And, you know...

Cainhurst also appears to be skewed in regards to genders (basically Girls Better TM), and I can see Maria developing her own perception of gender roles given she grew in such environment! As result, she could identify as warrior more with masculine idea of them she internalised - warriors relying less on blood, plus not flexing any superiority. But mostly blood. But as a civilian, she could be fully comfortable with her feminine side!

So you have this person of different facets, placing different values and personal experiences in different roles she performs in life! So essentially Gehrman did... nothing extraordinary? He simply represented the 'civil' side of her, not the 'warrior' side of her! Makes sense since she discarded her weapons and likely never wanted to be associated with the hunt ever again for the rest of her life (that didn't last long... oof...).

4) Her image was distorted but for men in GENERAL, not for Gehrman.

This idea, I kid you NOT, I literally only discovered today, and only after seeing this ask. Hmmm, well, what can I say...?

dshdsffd No no no but hear me out!!!

Since we find Hunter's Bone item (that is Maria's) on the grave (that is Maria's), AND Doll in "real" version of abandoned Hunter's Workshop from which Hunter's Dream originated, we can conclude Doll was created before the Dream.

So what if... the look of the Doll was not taylored for Gehrman's preference for a "cute housewife", but with the image of what hunters would want in mind? I'd expect majority of hunters expected to join and leave the Dream being just... you know, typical aged, jaded, tortured het cis men. And what would be the most comforting and soothing thing to return to from sights of blood and hunt and pain for an average hetero male? Well, most likely, actually a house-wiveish woman willing to listen to them and to comfort them! After all, Doll is there for 'you hunters', not for Gehrman specifically.

For all we know, it could have been Laurence's idea to fashion (or REfashion) the Doll like this to begin with, and Gehrman just went 'as you say King' because he has no balls fdhhdsf The point is! It is very possible they were preparing how the Dream will operate in advance. I mean, even in Byrgenwerth there is a note about Laurence and his Moon Presence... So the Doll could have been made with this in mind.

This option is a hard one to keep together because it opens SUB-options! Gehrman was feeling strong focus creating Doll's clothes, but also warmth. Not guilt or something. So was Doll originally dressed up more masculine (albeit not like a hunter) but then redesigned (it would HAVE to be Laurence and I will DIE on this hill)? Was Doll created for the Dream to BEGIN with? And in that case - could it been that Gehrman had a 'confirmation' that Maria would be okay with being of service even after death? I could absolutely picture Laurence lying to Gehrman - something something he was still communicating with her before her su1cide, something something she wanted him to know she'd be happy to be of service even in death no matter what she'd have to wear, something something she hated what SHE did, not hunters as a concept thus she'd gladly soothe them and her presentation is a very small price for this...

...Or, well, maybe we could spare poor Laurence being a manipulator just once and say that Maria actually felt this way and there was a solid base she'd love to help and in the end hated herself but not Gehrman. I can see her as someone being willing to comfort and even sacrifice rather than insist on teaching some simple minded male hunters the importance of gender non-conformity, ahaha. She has gentle and caring side, and patients wanted to hold her hand within the horrors they were facing.

Possibly could be supported by this detail - maybe this picture featured herself and Gehrman (and third person?) and she took it to remember him as she just wanted to stay in Clocktower for good?

_______

Sooooo yeah. Honestly, all my ideas stand on the fact that FromSoft are not some inconsistent writers that would make mistakes! They do not hit me as people that would write a sad old man that cared about his student so deeply (albeit too late)... only to imply he did not even respect her masculinity and got absorbed in the dreams of her being his housewife. And... yeahhhhh... He never mentions Maria. He seems to be way more focused on Laurence, especially in cut dialogue, actually...

I am personally more biased towards 2nd option, as it reveals the full drama potential! However? 4th is also surprisingly good. Won't lie, if fandoms were organised spaces with several defined groups and there were Fandom Councils tasked to come up with diplomatic solutions to satisfy every side, 4th option would've been the best compromise. It leaves Gehrman's fans happy, it leaves people who prefer GNC Maria happy, it still allows certain type of fans to have their "man bad woman good" fix but now at the expense of abstract unprogressive victorian men rather than the well-written loveable characters, it clicks with both Gehrmaria and Gehrmaurence, it just... doesn't miss anything. Like, this is THE solution that is respectful to all characters AND all wishes.

Honestly, only today I questioned whether I've been exaggerating Gehrman's grief and depth of the feelings all along because... well, he is clearly more interested in Laurence. xD If anything, if his intend was to create an "ideal partner", how much you wanna bet he'd create ideal HUSBAND instead? x)

At this rate I am just waiting where the balance will shift - 2nd or 4th. Not trying to downvote other two, especially since 3rd can be utilised to back 4th up as to explain how Maria could've formed masculine leaning! And 4th is tempting because it can make Gehrman just a liiiiitle less guilty... I know it isn't like me to want to spare the character from the angst, but now that I think of it, if he had SUCH a regret - he'd mentioned Maria at least once? So 4th is more reasonable as to explain that his loss was more quiet and bitter, still with the 'he ruined her' hunch but with way less resentment and guilt evenly dispersed between Gehrman and Maria rather than severely shifted on his side. But 2nd option is... it is SO sad? It is soooo sad. >:3

#bloodborne #lady maria of the astral clocktower #plain doll #gehrman the first hunter #bloodborne theory #bloodborne headcanons #ask replies #no honestly 4th option has... potential #it is also probably the most queer friendly one because masculine Maria and GAYhrman #it is still really bitter but it factors literally everything that CAN be factored #without reducing gehrman to just a sexist creep caricature #i honestly don't know where the fuck was this idea before #but this is why i love receiving asks so much! they make me think about other sides of the lore #bloodborne lore has so many facets it is incredible #switching deep headcanon is also always slightly painful but heck maybe i will actually end up sticking to 4th more #plot twist: laurence adviced to dress doll like what he usually wears sfdhfdhfds #because he attracted 5 men by now (gehrman brador ludwig logarius and micolash) so he knows what men love dshfdhsfds #/j

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satellitesfilm · 2 years

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at the beginning of season 4, when mike meets with eleven and will in the airport, he gives her flowers. the most visible flower is a black-eyed susan. these flowers represent happiness, reunion, optimism, resilience. we also know that, even tho el was incredibly happy to see mike, she felt bad as soon as she read his note ("to el. from, mike") the flowers may be a sign of that optimism and persistence getting to her, especially after she reaches the conclusion that mike is not able to tell her he loves her. also, it is believed the black-eyed susan is derived from a poem about a woman (black-eyed because she’s been crying) searching for her lover william. the poem related to the flower because black-eyed susan bloomed simultaneously with another flower known as sweet william, symbolically representing the lovers finally reuniting. (mike and eleven reuniting, will watching from the outside). now, in the ending scene of volume 2, we see eleven kneeling to take a look at the dying grass and flowers on the ground. we see a close up of a specific flower that el picks up and looks at. that flower is, also, a black-eyed susan. since it's dying, we can understand a couple of things - we know eleven barely spoke to mike after he told her he loved her (and I KNOW she's affected because of what happened to max, i know) but we also know that she was not as distant with will as she was with mike, there must be something else that she's thinking or feeling that we haven't seen yet. also, after this happens we get that final shot that shows joyce and hopper, jonathan and nancy, and will and mike. the flowers are clearly a symbol - both of what could be the end of mike and eleven's romantic relationship, and of how dark season 5 will be. all that optimism, life and joy turning into darkness, danger and even death. the ending of the cycle.

#byler is canon #byler analysis #byler s4 #mike wheeler #will byers #mike and will #stranger things

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appliedpsychedelics · 1 year

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I think I am driving myself insane.

I used to allow any passing thoughts to take space in my mind and then fade out, but now it's like, I'm consciously prompting thoughts around the topic, because it's like, something I'm interested in, kinda like my passing interest in construction vehicles... An interest, something that brings some sort of excitement into my life, in which every day feels pretty damn similar and sometimes I wonder why I keep pushing through these empty days.

I really wish I was better, socially. Being so alone, it hurts a lot, but also I'm too afraid to say a word to other kids. I won't even do group work in LA class... I remember at the start of the course i asked the teacher to make an effort to include a lot of group work, because I wanted to make friends. And now I can't even do it. I want friends, but socially I just shut down. It doesn't seem worth how panicked I can get. I always stress about people thinking I'm being weird. I don't know how to interact socially in a way that makes people LIKE me.

But as a result of that, I've been pretty much alone all the time. It's just me. My family, sure, I talk to them, but they barely even know me. I really have to watch what I say around them and I mostly just try to get interactions with them "done and over with" so I can go do drugs alone.

I think I treat a lot of stuff in my life as something to try and finish up with quickly so that I can do like, the same 4 things. The only things that bring me joy. Drugs, talking to my friends and bf online, playing with my dolls / making them clothes, and uhh, drawing. Art. But uh, I only do art at school to pass the time nowadays. I feel really uninspired. I only draw Boys now because it's the only things I can draw that doesn't look absolutely fucking soulless. I feel really bad that I can never come up with stuff to draw, because art is like, supposed to be something I'm good at.

Even if I haven't felt actual sexual attraction for at least a few days now, maybe a week or two??? Three? (I'm bad with memory and time and keeping track of stuff like what day it is), i still label myself in this admittedly alienating way., Boylover ,

I think the reason I can't let GO of it is because it's just so hated by the world. If I felt like I could openly express my thoughts, and not get sent to a mental hospital or beat to within an inch of my life, then maybe I would stop obsessing.

I think I just obsess over things so much more once I realize I can't have them.

My dad changed my bedsheets from dinosaur ones to plain ones and I never paid much attention to it but I think this whooooole idea of BL, in relation to me... It's just an obsession with childhood. My childhood, the one that has parts I miss and parts I want to do over. It's so so complicated, the whole thing. My parents don't agree with my narration of my childhood, but that is my true honest narration of it. I do recall painful moments. Some of them were around my gender or my "attraction". Around the fact that I'll never be a boy. I was never a boy. But I always wanted to be one, I literally remember packing when I was so so so so young...,

I can't help but wonder, if this thing I'm grappling with now is just the corpse of myself, as a child, standing up straight and staring me right in the eyes and saying, "I'm here, I always was here, and you can't keep ignoring me because I'll eat you up inside, one way or another..."

I don't know. I've just been in a lot of emotional pain lately. I don't understand how my brain works, why it thinks the way it does, and it's killing me. And I'm so sick of ignoring my feelings. If I feel sad, I shouldn't feel afraid to cry, because someone might know how I feel and disapprove, get angry. If my dad meant any of the bs he likes to say to me, I wouldn't be afraid to cry when I was sad. Hiding my pain makes me even sadder because I'm doing it so people don't get mad at me, but nobody should be mad at me for crying??? But that's just how it's always been for me.

I just feel like if I could go back and somehow get people to be kinder to my childhood self, if I could get my parents to allow me to crossdress and stuff, maybe I would've just grown out of it. But now I'm like some Freudian Penis Envy Nightmare....

I should probably just give up. Why do I push through every day, every hour.... To face yet another day that's exactly the same, the very next morning? Why do I even try to do good ? Why, what's the point? I should like, dump all my money,, ALL MY MONEY , an insane amount, on Molly, and OD. My friend said you could OD on it. If I OD, everyone will really care about me. They'll love me. They'll never shut up about how much they love me, because I'll be dead, and everyone loves to say nice things about dead boys, right? Sometimes I listen to videos online of parents discussing their son's death. They get so emotional. They really do care. I want people to be emotional like that over me. I want people to care about me so intensely like that, that they cry, I want people to feel pain about my death, I want them to feel culpable as well, which I suppose is really evil and selfish but I just need my parents to somehow understand that the things I remember from my childhood are real, they're painful, they DID affect me. I need them to understand, somehow, that my death was preventable. I want them to think long and hard about all the things they could've done differently. I want everyone around me to think about it. They probably won't care, nobody at school would care, but I would hope they'd notice the empty chair or name redacted from the attendance list. I would hope they'd put two and two together. They wouldn't be sad, but , I hope I could at least shock them. Get them to think about me a bit, if they even know who I am, if they could even remember my face or name. I just want people to notice my absence and wish I hadn't died. Notice my absence and I guess, realize that they did like having me around while I was there .. or something.

Not that it would work out that way. In my fantasy, everyone is in mourning over my death. In real life, I doubt most people would notice or care. Just my parents and stuff. But even then, they would never blame themselves. They NEVER blame themselves for anything. They don't even consider that their parenting may have been too harsh. My father says he wished he was more strict and made me conform to female gender stereotypes MORE .. so I didn't turn out this way. He doesn't realize that his instinct to force the gender non conformity out of me is what made me "trans" or "detrans" or whatever the fuck.

Im just so so so so so UPSET AND I WANT TO FUCKING DIE !!!! what's the point , if I can't ever be a real little boy? What's the point, if I never talk to anyone, if every day is the same, if school is difficult because I'm retarded, what's the POINT??? Why am I here if I'm just gonna suffer, really? Anyone even one degree below completely psycho would kill me, to send me away from my life thats just this constant mental and emotional strain. It's too too much and I can't take it anymore I can't. I don't want to stay here anymore I'm fucking done with everyone. I don't want to stay here. I want to escape. I want to be loved. I want to die. Lol.

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criticinlove · 1 year

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2022 Favorites

I want to write about favorite things because I am such a negative nellie but when stop for a second I remember I am such a lucky duck and am constantly obsessed with so many things around me.

my belly: like everyone, I think, I am ~on a journey~ towards body acceptance and true peace with my relationship with food. losing the structure of school and living alone has been harder for this than I was expecting, and both my ability to maintain healthy habits without much stress and my confidence in myself have taken a big hit. that said, this is the first year I have ever looked in a mirror naked when I "look bad" and found some beauty in the strange shapes it takes over time. it really is a journey, and my belly is coming along with.

the IRA: wow. Manchin made this a rollercoaster that it really didn't need to be, but when it finally passed by surprise... I haven't felt anything like that ever. Amidst so much shitty political activity this year re: repro rights, LGBT rights, COP27, etc, this was such a BOON and it relieved a pretty huge psychological weight I didn't even realize was there. Having imperfect but real legislation at the federal level is a dream come true for me and so many activists and is so motivating. It has also been gratifying to use my intimate knowledge of this bill in my work. sweet.

art class: haven't had an art instructor since freshman year of college when I took my animation class, and it seems like one of those things that only gets better as you get older, because you can really appreciate advice but you also understand that art and taste are personal. having a structured amount of time to create art with others was nearly euphoria inducing some weeks. one week I walked the half hour home with a shit-eating grin on my face the entire time feeling like the luckiest person alive. another week I was really freaking out and had to step out to cry in the academic building bathroom and thought I couldn't take it but then I went back in and listened to music and drew for two more hours and felt so much better. art is therapy, as they say.

killing my move: it is uncomfortable to toot one's own horn, but looking back I am impressed with how I managed my first two-ish months in the bay. I am proud that I just put myself out there like an animal - it brought me into so many weird social situations, and it was gratifying to make peace with the fact that some worked out and some didn't. that's not me being fundamentally unlikeable, it's just that some things connect in life and some don't, and that's a good thing. it has given me so much hope and inspiration to broaden my horizons outside of the east coast and ivy league lifestyle and mindset, so shoutout to relentless socializing and everyone who was subject to it.

alcohol: I drank out of obligation in college and smoked weed for pleasure, but these days I'm not ingesting much THC at all and kind of loving alcohol. I think I forgot that drinking with people is genuinely hilarious, fun, and makes spending time with others easier. This makes it sound like I drink a lot when I really have like 3 drinks a week; I just mean that I really appreciate the social function it serves and the joy of imbibing together

my thesis: after submitting, I was sad with my time management over the final few weeks and really wished I had done a better job because I felt it could have been a lot stronger. But with some distance now, I think it's really cool that I found an academic niche that really suited what I loved to learn about and produced important original research on something that matters to me a lot. How cool is that?

no more leg/pit shaving: It was been truly pleasurable to see wayyy more women letting their leg hair, armpit hair and I presume bushes grow out on the west coast. Sometimes all it takes is some other people doing something for you to realize it's ok to do (a good general lesson!) and I am over leg and armpit shaving for now. It has been a great process to feel more acquainted with what my body hair does on its own and confront my own internalized misogyny when I sometimes catch my armpit hairs in the mirror wearing a tank top or worry about wearing a skirt. I realize I have it so easy in this department because my hair is light and most people don't notice. still, a revelation!

learning an instrument: I finally bought a guitar this past month and got an app that is teaching me to play. It scratches a long-untouched part of my brain (as in literally feels like scratching an itch inside my head). so empowering and fun to do something new from square 0

cuenca jacket: I love the jacket I got in high school for my uniform when studying abroad in ecuador so much and was just marveling at how weirdly good it is an how much it has stood the test of time for me. perfect design. I wrote it an ode.

workout classes: sometimes what you really need is a weird woman leading you through a yoga class in person, together with some other people you don't know.

deleting instagram/being a little mysterious: another psychic relief which is so obviously not good for me.

realizing the social stuntedness that comes with growing up rich: an overdue reckoning.

friendship: they call it the best ship, but to be honest I think I've neglected it over the years, often partial to romantic connections. as time goes on, cultivating friendships only seems to get harder to keep up at the same number and pace as was possible in school. Also, trying to make new friends from scratch leaves me feeling renewed gratitude for my friends.

volunteering: it is WILD to me that more people (especially in my situation in life (young professionals in new places with office jobs and no student loans)) don't do this more. I have spent the last few months volunteering on alternating saturdays at Creative Growth's youth program in oakland and my neighborhood church's Friday night meal which we serve to mostly unhoused people.

The first few weeks I caught myself feeling like it was just another job, but then I just remembered that I am electing to do this and it is such a powerful experience to get to know more communities around you and more people. I have loved getting to know the artists in CG's youth program, literally supporting their work and feeling inspired by what they create. It has also just been fun! Sometimes there's not a bigger lesson! I have loved finding a friend in a very old fellow church volunteer named Fredora; hearing about her life and laughing with her. There are so many ways to participate in community and while there's always something to critique about the ways nonprofits and churches give aid and do their work, for me the wonderful awkwardness of showing up somewhere just to show up and doing it over and over again has been a marvel.

mushrooms and korean food: yum. my palate has reached new heights because this is the year I finally started craving mushrooms and loving korean food. I also think it's the first time I've lived somewhere with great korean food.

the bay: the culture shock of the west coast has been wild, and I am enthralled with the megalopolis that all the cities around the bay make up. I am excited to keep taking it in.

tilden view: along with the culture shock, the natural beauty shock of the west coast seems to overwhelm my little bluegrass pea brain every. time. Recently I went on a bike ride as the sun was starting to set up in tilden park (about 2 miles from my house up the hills) and as I was climbing, every few hundred meters there was a new view and every time I looked back out at the expanse of the bay and layers of cities and hills, without fail, tears would just spring to my eyes. the perfection of beauty is creepy, like someone took what is most pleasing to a human and just turned it up to 100, but it also just knocks my socks off, and I can't stop feeling amazed by that.

cassis: Rex and I spent a few days in Cassis between our time in Venice this summer and visiting my family in Provence (what a sentence!) Anyway, it was one of those strange experiences which was so undeniably and unbelievably pleasant -- sopping up bouillabaisse with crisp bread, watching the french tourists amble in the heat, renting a dingy to cruise by the Calanques and their shimmering beauty, the outrageous sweetness of the sun setting from our Airbnb's window. We knew then, I think, just how good it was, and it is impossible not to feel a wave of fondness still for that perfect vacation.

stuff on the street: in berkeley and oakland people just leave stuff out for other to take. usually it's junk from their house or clothes or books, sometimes kitchen supplies or food they grew in their gardens. one of the reasons they do this is because it never rains and so people leave everything outside and have no awareness of the constant covering and protecting everyone does around the world instinctively. but it also has a wonderful feeling of people just turning out their pockets un-self consciously and I love looking at it

having love: really caring for people who aren't so much in your life is one of the best heart-achey good, sad feelings. shout out to my exes!

writing: I finally want to write again (see this blog etc.)- makes me feel like a kid and so good

worst person in the world: this movie is so good. I rewatched it later this year which I almost never do. just wonderful

Laguna Beach: this show is epically good. Never saw it when it aired and it is deeply curious and hilarious. on netflix now

lying: I've had a few lie-based evenings this year, and it's especially fun to do with someone else/new without any mean deception. It's good to try on different answers sometimes!

craigslist: always trawling. always a happy customer. best finds this year include my apartment and my cheap guitar.

anonymity: there has been so much freedom and free feeling leaving cambridge and a place where everywhere you went you were kind of seen. I've found it so much easier to trust that what I'm doing is really coming from me internally because there is no one to see it and have thoughts who knows me. I have slowly begun running into people who I know now when I'm out but man, what a blissful few months

babysitting: another fun way to get to know the people who fill the physical space around you, and to encounter child brain, which is always good. and you make some spending money. I am already sad that this is something that gets weird in a few years

landlords: landlords have gotten a bad rap this century and for good reason. but I love the strangeness of cohabitating with the weird hokey couple I live with and I especially love overhearing all their arguments. I know them intimately and not at all and venmo them at the end of every month and occupy their home! How weird and fun.

"how good is this?": saying this in an australian accent in my head a lot (see gratitude practice)

Debby ryan: Rex and I saw her on the beach in puerto rico. awesome.

0 notes

redxblueihateloveyou · 2 years

Note

I wanted to ask, if this 10 years period is real bad? Because I'm not sure whether to read this part or not.

By "real bad" you mean like in angsty? Or bad bad?

Bc to me there's no like any period in DMBJ series that I didn't love reading, like I ofc have those books that I love most, but surprisingly there were none I didn't like. I enjoyed all of them for different reasons. Some for masochistic ones, yes lol

Well, its just if you're already commited and won't read that part, you'll miss out way too important shit. Bc this part of the series (I don't mean just the sand sea, but all the books in between) is a major turning point for everything. Qiling's past, Wu Xie's character and etc. Their relationships, too.

I'm not gonna lie it was hard for me to read (esp SS bc newbies that won't appear anymore that I couldn't get attached to, didn't help), not interest wise (bc I've finished these 4 in like 5 days lmao), but just because despite the usual high quality entertainment and badass dark Wu Xie, don't know if thats an unpopular opinion or not, I didn't enjoy seeing him like that at all. Like after 10 years Wu Xie is my favorite Wu Xie, bc besides becoming extremely badass, with his soul Xiaoge returning to him, he becomes alive again and returns his.. well, not childishness, but idk word for this his thing... cute mischief (? lol) too. And it was just heartwarming to see and be like "yes thats his my baby, but cooler now" haha.

But this middle part he just was very lifeless during the whole thing and reading like he was trying to "exist" for several books was depressing days for me haha. I'm just used to authors being nice about stuff like this and do like time skips and gentle flashbacks after maybe xD. But like proportionally.. considering the amount of books its all fair to me haha. And its a really an awesome part and the most informative one for sure.

Is it sad? Heck yeah. I mean, even with the knowledge that he's gonna be back and that he's alive, it's like he's going through all the stages of grief there and it's all not great, yeah. I mean, he also cuts himself on regular basis and just does many things that I think would make Xiaoge not even just super angry but straight up cry, but... BUT...

...I'm one of those ppl for whom "without the bitter the sweet isn't as sweet". Like to me skipping to the reunion would be a blasphemy as it is just cause I wouldn't find it as satisfying. That's just how it is for me. I hate angst without the happy ending as much as a happy ending without angst before that lmao. Thats why I think this franchise and I were meant to be xD. Bc its literally a constant perfect rollercoaster of just that.

So I can't imagine skipping this part, bc to my masochistic ass it would just ruin the joy of the journey entirely lol.

It's like... so you skip to them reuniting... it just wouldn't be as tasty, trust me. Don't you wanna know how he is, when he's angry for the love of his life? Helpless about feeling so empty? Having to do crazy things just to stop hurting and missing him at least for a second? I know u secretly wanna lol 👀

Also don't u just have other faves, too? I mean, Wu Xie kinda scarying XiaoHua with his revenge for my husband plans.. lol. There's just a lot of things you don't wanna miss haha like a bunch of idiots being memes in hard times too xD

P.S. You can also wait for the sea flower dorama to air (we'll see how this one is gonna go, but idk I have 0 hopes as usual lol) besides watching sand sea ofc (if you haven't yet). But again, don't throw tomatoes and shoes at me pls, but like as much as I think that the SS casting was great and the quality of the whole production also great, I still didn't at all get the feels of what it felt like when I was reading it. Again don't kill me, but also there to me it kinda felt like he was his dead comrade or smth (lol idk why I'm sorry), while I deeply love this part for how very angsty fanfiction-y it is in the books. And I just didn't get what I wanted to get from it in the series. It was just not quite the same vibe to me.

And I'm always like willing to give everyone a chance to surprise me, no matter the budget and stuff, I don't care already for this after watching lots of stuff, but if it doesn't fit the certain feeling of the particular part, than I'll pass.

That being said. Just don't think they can put it off. I mean "hardcore romantic longing for someone who's like not even there" part and also that other part xD. I know someone who can, but I just don't wanna be the one who constantly like... whines about them not being able to join it again... But also I'm still totally doing it most of the time lol

So yeah, I for sure recommend the full experience, I mean, it's worth it.

#answered #anonymous #daomu biji #pingxie #zhang qiling #wu xie #wu xie x zhang qiling #I'm gonna whine forever lol #quietly xD #it's definitely not my fav part no #but its still real good

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brettwife · 3 years

Text

Imagine Hardin Scott

WARNING: nothing

STATE: Hardin Scott x fem reader

"OUT OF HERE! GO TO THE PRINCIPAL" yells the angry teacher you raise your eyes to the sky bored taking all the books you had on the desk and I leave the classroom.

You walk quietly through the corridors, by now you know by heart the way to go to the presidency from the many times you went there.

You open the door and greet the secretary, by now you have become friends "here again Y/n" she giggles, you nod with a giggle and go sit down waiting for the headmaster to be free.

As soon as you sit down you notice a guy two chairs by yours.

You sigh closing your eyes, you knew that sooner or later you would see him, but now it was too early.

He was watching you with those whipped puppy eyes of his, when in reality it was quite the opposite.

"Like the first time we met here," he says, even if you didn't look at him you still felt his gaze still burn on you.

"Yeah, what a joy" you answer sarcastically "how is Tessa?" you ask pungent.

"Well I think and she's falling for it," he replies.

"You'll fall for her too, Hardin, you'll fall in love with her" you answer feeling the tears forming in her eyes, Hardin was a delicate key for you, and a wound still too fresh.

"Y/n, how do you think she can fall in love with that perfect girl when I have only you in my head?" he says pushing himself from his chair towards you, he too had tears in his eyes, you couldn't believe the great Hardin Scott crying for a girl.

"Miss Y/s/n, come on" you get up as soon as the headmaster calls you, you look at Hardin one last time miming a 'let's talk about it later' shake your head and walk into the headmaster's office.

...in the afternoon...

You sip your coffee while you do your homework, after school you avoided Hardin like the plague, you know very well that it is very expensive to be here since you are meeting here with your friends.

And here the little bell clicks, keep your gaze fixed on the literature book trying not to encroach Hardin's possible gaze.

"Hey Y/n" you hear yourself called, you close your eyes and finally you decide to look up, it wasn't Hardin's voice, but your ex-best friend/casual hooked up, Zed.

You give him a nod and you go back to your homework, with him obviously were Hardin and Molly.

You and Molly were once friends, actually best friends, but since she started having feelings for Hardin while he was your boyfriend she hasn't spoken to you again.

"Go talk to her," the pink-haired girl says.

"Indeed" his best friend dirties him.

Hardin takes a good sigh and starts to approach you as soon as you notice him you start playing with your lip piercing.

He sits in the free chair in front of yours "it's busy" you try to lie to get him away.

"And by who?" he asks him crossing his arms on the table, he raises an eyebrow waiting for your answer.

He knew you too well, he knew very well when you were lying "damn Hardin" you think, shake your head admitting your lie.

"We haven't finished talking this morning"

"What should we still talk about?" you ask closing the book.

"About us," he says, you laugh.

Heard the bell swing, Tessa had just entered the door.

"There isn't a we Hardin anymore, it's just your fault and that" raise your voice a little "if I hadn't accepted that stupid bet we would still be together" many people had turned around, you were successful in your intent: to let Tessa hear you.

She was looking at you with tears in her eyes «Is it true Hardin? But of course I should have expected it is Y/ n the untouchable" answers Tessa.

"Oops" y say pretending to be sorry.

"Youu got pissed every time I said something bad about her or said it was still hard to talk about"

Your heart squeezes at Tessa's words, just as Hardin was your weak point for you, even for Hardin you were.

You watch Hardin look down, you swear he just dropped a tear.

Tessa leaves in tears, you look at Hardin who still has his head down "do you love me?" you ask the boy who raises his head.

"To die for," he replies, standing up.

Without warning you hug him, at first he was surprised for a moment but then he reciprocates, you take his face standing on tiptoe and say "me too"

He starts to kiss you but you stop him "we could go back together, you have to win me back, so we'll do it all over again, see you tonight at 7 in front of the never room, we'll make a first date" you say taking all your things and leaving.

It was the right decision, it was also the last chance you gave him, when two people are meant to be together it's hard to keep them apart for a long time. And this was your case.

#hardinscott #hardin scott #hero fiennes tiffin #after movie #tessa young #anna todd

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salty-sith-bitch · 3 years

Note

Here's a little prompt for Din and reader! Hopefully it can spark something 💙

Maybe Din takes Reader to a snowy planet and they haven't seen snow before or in a really long time, so their just mesmerized by it and just amusing him.

I hope you enjoy! As always my mind just sort of takes off when writing so I’m hoping this is close to what you asked for 😘

Cin'ciri (snow)

Rating: G

Genre: fluff, angst

Words:2352

Ao3

Din stood over you and your cot, a wicked grin under his helmet. He watched as you snored peacefully, oblivious to what he was about to do. He almost felt bad for disturbing your slumber.

Almost.

This was worth waking you and definitely worth the brief moment you'd be upset at him. He knew as soon as you awoke and discovered the reason for being ripped from your lazy dreaming you'd be overjoyed.

Chuckling to himself Din packed the snow that was in his hand into a soft ball. Taking a step back from your cot, he chucked the lump of snow. The ball hit you squarely in the chest and upon impact disbursed Into a flurry of white powder causing you to shudder and startle awake.

Confusion filled your cloudy mind as you woke. You felt something cold spread through you as the air was ripped from your chest. The frostiness quickly turned wet making you uncomfortable and displeased. Still gasping for air you heard chuckling that quickly turned into full hearty laughter.

Sitting up you found Din standing at the end of your cot doubled over in laughter. Shrieking, you pulled the blankets over your head and flopped back down.

"Daaaaaaaad! It's too early. It's my day off." Your voice was agitated and muffled by your pillow.

"Ad'ika," Din said between breaths as he recovered from laughing. "Come look outside."

"Whyyyyyy," you wailed into your pillow. It had been a while since you got a good amount of sleep and were simply not pleased your father was trying to drag you out of bed on your day off.

Clicking his tongue at you, Din squeezed one of your blanket-covered feet. "Fine then. Grogu and I will go and enjoy the snow by ourselves."

Snow?

Your brain kicked into hyperdrive at the word. That coldness you had just felt was your father throwing a snowball at you. Your heart fluttered in your chest. Din wouldn't admit it but he has a soft spot and could be silly at times and it made your world oh so bright. And now it was even brighter as you thought about the snow outside.

You bolted upright in bed and quickly threw the covers off. Frigid temperatures greeted you as soon as you climbed out of your little nook and bolted for the open ramp. Din watched as you ran toward the ramp and slid across the slick floor of the Razor Crest in your warm socks; almost causing you to collide with the wall.

Squealing you jumped up and down pointing outside as you turned to look at Din.

Having removed his helmet, you could see the gleaming grin on his face. And even swore you could see his excitement at the thought of a day off playing with his family.

Giggling and shrieking you vibrated with energy as you danced around on your toes.

"Snow!" You exclaimed, pointing outside.

Din chuckled, coming up to you and ruffling your hair.

"Yes, ad'ika. Now go get dressed. Grogu has been waiting impatiently."

Running across the hull floor once again, you were unable to stop yourself from sliding into the wall where your pack was. Smacking into the wall with am 'oomph' you picked up your clothes and high tailed it for the fresher.

Shaking his head, Din set his helmet back on his head and went to finish bundling up Grogu.

***

Snow has a special place in your heart. It brought back memories of your family. Your blood family.

It brought back memories of snow days when you were younger and a true child, so innocent and not having to worry about anything in the galaxy. It brought memories of warm cocoa mother would make and build snowmen with your brother.

When it would snow back home your father would have the day off, closing his shop due to lack of safe travel, and your mother, being the caring woman she was, would still head into town and work a partial day at the cantina, making sure everyone who needed warm food was supplied with it. You'd spend a good majority of the morning playing in the snow with your father and brother, tossing snowballs, building forts, and occasionally making snow angels here and there. Your mother would always arrive back around noon with cocoa and soup to warm you. Snow boots would be shuck at the door and fresh clothes put on after a warm bath. You'd eat and laugh by the fire the rest of the evening playing games, reading to brother, and watching your mother scold your father every time he would chuck a snowball at her that he snuck into the house.

Even as the years went by and you got older you'd still find yourself outside enjoying the blissfulness of having nothing to worry about. You'd make forts and battle your father, pelting him with snow. You'd find yourself melting into the floor as you and your mother sang songs in your native language by the fire. And you would always still try to suppress that giggle when your father snuck in the snowballs helping him on occasion.

Now it was different. But also not.

Looking out towards Grogu he saw him waddling around collecting snow and making little people reminding you of your brother. And Din, who surprisingly was enjoying the snow, tossing snowballs at you ever so often reminded you of father.

But this was not your brother nor father. And mother wouldn't be there with soup to warm you or sing songs in the evening. The snow people Grogu made were smaller and Din was sneakier with his ambushes.

You, yourself were also not the same. Being older and now constantly worrying about losing your family again reminded you of just how much your life had changed.

Huffing you shoved your hands further into your coat pockets, continuing to watch Grogu as he waddles over to you, snow in hand. Tilting his head he extended the lump out to you and cooed as if trying to ask you to shape it for him.

Chuckling and nodding you squatted and took the snow from him, gently packing it. When you stuck out your hand to give it back the ball went flying from your hand and zoomed past you. Turning your head you watched as the ball made an impact with Din's chest.

Snowball in his hand, Din waggled his finger.

"Grogu," he said with a bit of laughter.

Grogu's ears dropped as he made a noise and looked at his father.

"That's cheating you little womp rat. I was gonna ambush ori vod."

Rolling your eyes you smirked at Grogu and swiftly picked up and packed your own lump of snow. Quickly standing you turned and launched the ball of snow at Din.

Both you and Grogu cheered when it hit Din's pauldron. Grogu threw his hands up and parked his ears as you did a little victory jump.

Stiffening Din looked at his shoulder then back to you. Placing his hands on his hips he nodded his head slightly.

"So that's how we're gonna play. Two against one?" Kneeling Din picked up more snow. "You get a ten-second head start. Ten, nine, eight-"

Eyes widening in horror you looked down and made eye contact with Grogu.

"Ready little buddy?"

Grogu cooed at you again, also wide-eyed, and reached up.

Scooping up the youngling you took off running for the snow barricade you had made earlier, leaving a trail of laughter behind.

***

You played in the snow for countless hours. Together you and Grogu kept sneaking up on Din and pelting him with snowballs. And on occasion - despite Din thinking it was cheating- Grogu would use the force to nail mando in the back.

At one point you looked at your father gleefully, sticking your tongue out.

"For a Mandalorian, we’re taking you down pretty easily with these snowballs."

You couldn't hear his laughter but you could see his frame shaking as he stood with his hands on his knees.

"You good old man?" You teased.

Looking up at the sky for a moment Din took in a deep breath. Pointing a finger at you Din lowered his head and you could feel his piercing gaze through the visor of his helmet.

"If I went any harder on you kid there would probably be crying."

Gasping you scooped up more snow and packed it into a ball.

"You calling me weak?" You stared at him through squinted eyes.

"You called me old!"

"And only one of those statements is true!"

Shaking his head Din started packing snow into a ball.

"Oh, it's on now."

Screaming joyfully you took off running, Grogu at your heels

***

Out of breath and cheeks sore from smiling, you collapsed in the snow, arms and legs spread out as you soaked up the sun. Grogu trudged through the snow to stand but your side. Looking down towards him you watched as he flopped over into the white powder next to you. Giggling you reached down and strokes one of his ears lovingly, causing him to smile and coo at you.

In the distance, sitting on the ramp to the Crest Din watched as you made snow angels with Grogu, a smile hidden underneath his helmet. He was practically glowing with joy and warmth seeing how happy the two of you were. Feeling as if his heart might burst out of his chest Din wondered what his own childhood would have been like if he hasn't lost his parents.

He wondered if his parents would have ever taken him out for a snow day much like he did for you and Grogu - his own children. Longing and wishing for what could have been his life only filled the hole in his chest so much though. What he has in front of him is what brought him true bliss. You ana Grogu were his world - literally and figuratively.

He should have been hunting for a bounty today, planning his next steps and heading towards whatever planet that resided on while you took the day to rest and have downtime. That was the responsible thing to do, but when the snow started to fall not long after you and Grogu went to sleep be couldn't help but enjoy the idea of a family day. A day where you could be young and have nothing to worry about. A day to stretch your legs and bond.

Crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the wall Din continues to watch the two of you laughing and rolling in the snow in the distance. When you turned to wave at him at stick out your tongue his smile grew.

***

Lunch was later than usual but you were ok with that. You had enjoyed your time in the snow even if it meant dealing with a slight butt hurt Din Djarin who didn't want to admit he lost I'm your snowball fight. Non the less the soup you ate and the cocoa you sipped still warmed you. Not as much as the unexpected family time had warmed your soul, however.

You watched as Grogu fought sleep in his father’s arms as he sipped his cocoa. Eventually, his eyes fall shut and light snores filled the silence of the Crest hull. Din rose from his seat quietly and made his way towards his and Grogu's sleeping quarters. Sighing heavily you rubbed your own tiredness from your eyes. Standing you collected and discarded your dishes then made your way to your own cot.

It was chillier over here than by the heater so you opted to instead grab your blanket and a pillow and made your way back to the heater.

Sitting against the wall you let your eyes drift shut. Pulling your blanket up towards your face you nuzzled your nose into the worn fabric, smelling the lingering scent of your old home. The world around you disappeared as you drifted off to sleep

Half asleep you heard gentle footsteps approach felt a hand gently nudge you.

"Ad'ika?"

"Mm?" You looked up lazily at Din squatting next to you.

"You were humming in your sleep."

Yawning, you rubbed your eyes again and looked at him. He didn't have any of his beskar on and you could smell fresh soap; a telltale sign he must have been getting ready for bed.

"’ M’sorry," you mumbled.

Turning and sliding down the wall next to you Din smiled. "It's ok. It was nice. Reminds me of-"

"Home," you said weekly.

Din's face fell slightly. "Yeah."

"My mother and I used to sing around the fire every night it snowed. She would rock my brother to sleep as I sewed. Before my brother, she would sing and I would dance with my father." Swallowing the lump in your throat you swiped the blanket across your face to rid the fallen tears. "Snow days were special for us. It meant family time and getting to just be with each other. No other worries. No chores or worrying about mother making it home safe from the cantina. Sometimes I feel like I can still hear my brother's giggles or my father's feet crunching in the snow as he tried to sneak up on me."

Letting out a soft sign Din pulled you into his side.

"My mother used to sing to me too. When I couldn't sleep or when she would give me baths. My father would sometimes join in and my mother would scold him teasingly for ruining a beautiful song with his garish voice."

You both chuckled at the thought.

"I wish I could remember what her voice sounded like."

Frowning you looked at your adoptive father. "I do too."

Sighing heavily Din pulled you in tighter to his side and kissed the crown of your head.

"Get some rest ad'ika."

Shutting your eyes you rested your head on Din's shoulder and let sleep wrap you in its warmth.

You hadn't been asleep very long when you heard a deep humming filling your dreams.

Tag List: @g0ldenlush @sweet-silver @piscespussybabe

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stellocchia · 3 years

Note

Stello I want to cry. I finally read past the Christmas Chapter in TUBMOASD.

Spoilers?

Spoilers for TommyInnit's unbeatable method of avoiding sudden death by eneliii

====

On to it now

It made me want to cry. I only read past chapter 26 because I wanted to see why others were crying.

Like I knew there would be angst after 26 because it was in the tags. I followed it from the beginning.

I loved the fic (I still love it but more in a melancholic way) . It was an amazing crack fic with superheros and villians and such. It was the first superhero fanfic I read for this fandom.

... There was so much joy in that fix that came from found family and just plain unrealistic crap.

Obviously I can reread it and still see it as a fun cracky fic up to the Christmas chapter... however there will always be that twinge of sadness under the surface.

I mean people are finding hints of everything I guess. The thing that really got to me was the final chapter. The authors note. I mean it is nice to get those feelings out.

I mean it probably isn't healthy for me to not acknowledge the world changes but it always makes me sad. I mean I can't read future fics without being sad because of change.

How it worked here was that it was an episodic thing. A cartoon like the author said. So it was a joyful thing that held darkness underneath. Idk man but I rarely read main character death stories because they make me sad but I stuck around this long that I felt I could do it.

...

I couldn't as seen above.

It also feels funny because it makes me feel like I have changed but also that I haven't. I will still react the same as always. It just did something to me I guess.

I love the characters so no shit I would feel sad when I discovered what happened in the next 5-ish chapters.

I mean deaths in stories always make me sad but there is something different about a 12 year old dying compared to a 16 year old.

^^ Is it because I am 17? Is it because I haven't reached my 20s yet?

I mean my friends and I joked when we were 14/15 that it sucks to die young as you didnt do shit. Then over the weekend someone in our school died soo...

Again, loving characters make death's hard to read. I mean I will never reread Passerine but it still seems like a crack fic so I may reread it.

Feelings = Mush???

Tl;DR.

I loved TUBMOASD. Now I just feel sad and idk if i could ever reread it (same with Passerine). Now it just feels melancholic. This fanfiction dragged me in on crack and left me crying in a ditch.

===

Now that I got my feeling out, time to pretend it ended with the Christmas Chapter and whatever joy my brain will daydream about.

Angst what angst you mean Tommy losing his daughter. He'll find her by next chapter.

Denial is a Great stage to be in 🥲

===

Hope you have a great day!!!

(I put I spoiler warning for the fic but if you read it did you like the fic?)

(Also I wrote this in the time frame of 11 pm to 1:30 am (idk) so sorry for any... bits that are off)

Man... I should really finish that fic at some point. Like, I remember starting it and reading the first few chapters but I never really went on with it. It's was a bit too much crack fic energy for me to stay interested too long at the start. And that's not a bad thing, just not necessarily my thing.

But since I see everyone crying about it I may actually read it when I have the time...

#anon ask #tumoasd spoilers

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babbling-idiot · 3 years

Text

Lance Bishop x reader (Aliens)

Requested: "Yo dude! Would you be able to write a Bishop x reader where the reader is kinda depressed and the only thing that cheers her up is singing? So to help her feel better Bishop puts on some 70s music and they’re slow dancing and she’s singing and it’s just a cute happy time???? " By @soggy-enchilada

Warning: Fluff

(Hey there, so I haven't posted in a hot second. I just had some really bad writers block and also the fact that I run out of ideas pretty frequently, so in conclusion to that ordeal I made a second blog but don't worry I still check this one, but anyways I hope you enjoy!)

Bishop wasn't one that really understood human emotions well. All he knew was the way people acted towards certain things. He understood anger and how it starts, he also kind of understood happiness. And as of feelings of being sad, he had a hard time understanding. He had seen some people cry because of a death or a breakup. But he just didn't understand when you got sad.

You had been setting yourself at a distance. Not talking or being in contact with anyone, this was making alot of people worried. Truth be told, you had been feeling depressed lately. Over something that some would probably scoff at, but to you this was a matter of your emotions getting the better of you. You couldn't help it, you were human and that had disadvantages in a way. You hadn't told anyone of your current situation, but you could only imagine what people were thinking when they realized you were missing in action. You knew you would have to give some kind of explanation to them when you came out of your room. And thankfully non of them had came to your room yet to question you. Or at least that was what you thought, because at that very second a certain android had realized your absence and was beginning to get quite worried for you. So, to make sure you were ok he was on his way to your room. Without you knowing of course.

'Knock, Knock'

You look over at your door from your sitting position on your bed. Giving a slight questioning look. You hear two more and a voice that sounded almost like an automated voice mail. "Y/n are you in there?" It was bishop. Of course it was him, of course he'd come here. You sighed out and gave a "Yeah..." barley above a whisper, yet he could still hear it loud and clear. So he opened your door with little to no trouble even though it was locked. "How did you do that?" "Do what?" You gestured to the door. "Oh well that is best explained at another time, my main concern is you. Are you ok? Why haven't you left your room? Have you eaten?" He started to ramble off question that you barley had enough time to even grasp. You raise a hand and he stops "Bishop, I haven't left because I'm not in the best......state? And yes, I have eaten just not alot.." He blinks a few time and stand up to observe the "food" you had eaten in the past day or two. Which did not look like enough to even satisfy someone. "You are not in a good healthy state right now. You have not eaten enough food and I have to get you some. I'll be right back." He says as he walks towards the door. "Wait! No! Don't leave!" He stops as he grasps the door nob. Turning to look at you he tilts his head. "But you need food." "I will eat if you just stay, I don't want to be alone. I thought I wanted to be alone but I dont now." He nods his head and walks over to your bed, sitting at your feet. "What is the matter? I am not capable of knowing how you really feel so please tell me. I am concerned about you." He says looking at you with hope in his eyes? "I promise I will tell you what I'm going though, but I dont think I have the guts to tell you." He stares at you blankly "Are these signs of depression?" You frown slightly while nodding your head. He nods his head and doesn't say anything else. He doesn't know what else to talk about and neither do you. It wasn't an awkward silence but it was comfortable. The fact that he wasn't like all the others who would bombard you with endless question made you happy. In all the short silence you had been singing a song in your head, it being 'How deep is your love by the Bee Gees. You hadn't even realized till now that you had been humming it out loud for about a minute. Bishop had heard you humbing and recognized the song and soon realized that you had a record player in your room. You also had a box full of records. So he stood and walked over to them without you actually noticing. He grabbed the Bee Gees best hits record and began to place it on the player. After turning it on and placing the needle on the right song, it began to play.

'I know your eyes in the morning sun. I feel you touch me in the poring rain. And the moment you wander far from me. I wanna feel you in my arms again...'

When the song filled your ear you smiled. Lifting your head to look straight at bishop as he gave a almost near perfect human smile. He extended his hand towards you. Grabbing it it was slightly cold but from the heat of the blankets made it slightly warmer. He twirled you around as you stood up fully and brung you closer. You laughed at how cliche this was. Bringing both hands to your waist and your on his shoulders, you both began to sway to the rhythm of the music. As you danced you began to sing.

"-And you come to me on a summer breeze, keep me warm in your love and then softly leave, and it's me you need to show, how deep is your love?"

You felt so at ease and so happy that you hadn't even realized that a smile had broken across your face as you sang. This was the only thing that made you happy in times like this. Either it was watching people get joy out of singing or listening to your favorite songs and belching out the words, it was all the same. Like now, you had found so much peace that you had layed your head on bishops shoulder, softly singing the rest of the song. He fully wraps his arms around your waist and brings you closer, he could feel your calm heartbeat against is synthetic chest. He wasn't human, but the feeling of your heartbeat against him made him feel alive. Made him wish he was human just so he could feel the emotion of being happy in the moment with you.

When the song began to come to a stop and "Staying Alive" began to play. He walked over to it and turned it down slightly. Walking back over to your standing form he held you against him once again. You smiled at him. "Your a good dancer bishop." "I was simply swaying to the music." "You have rhythm, not alot of people can say they have that especially androids. Plus your very nice to be around." You say as you lay your head back on his shoulder. He then lays his upon yours "You are the only human that has ever shown me real signs of care and compassion. I think I have grown to like you y/n." You smile even wider at this "I think I have too bishop." You both continue to sway to the beat. No word were spoken and the dancing wasn't looking to be stopped anytime soon. But one thing was for sure, that your small episode of depression had seemed to fade off into the distance. Like a forgotten tune. One that you hope would stay away for a long time. Especially since bishop had decided to come in and dance with you, it seemed to make your whole gloomy day brighten up. And luckily during that whole dancing you managed to not step on his toes.

(Well then that was actually really fun. Lmao! Thank you so much for this, it was fun and I got to bring out the inner music geek within me so thank you for that. Old music is like my things so any request like this I will put heart and soul into. Anyways thanks again and I hope you have an amazing day and stay safe out there in the world!)

#lance bishop x reader #lance bishop imagines #lance bishop #bishop x reader aliens #aliens

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local80smotel · 4 years

Text

Tears and kisses

pairing; V x reader

summary; V & the reader's friendship started on him being injured and their relationship would start with that too.

requested by; @peachesandbb

rating; T

warnings; mention of blood (but never described)

word count; 2,663

A/N; I'm so sorry this took so long but I had a lot of fun with this! Thank you for requesting!

Y/N's lungs burned as they ran deeper into the alleyways of London, holding their heels in their hands. How were they supposed to know the creep they punched was a member of the Fingermen? Maybe wearing heels tonight was a bad idea but hey, no one thinks that they're going to be chased by madmen who were drunk with power at 8:30 pm. 'Shit' they thought, glancing at the street clocks '30 minutes untile curfew'. If they didn't get home soon that would just be another nail in the coffin for this English citizen.

The fleeing criminal didn't look back until they heard a loud, panic-filled scream followed with a thud. When they did, they were shocked by the scene in front– well behind them. There, taking out the Fingermen with such ease, was a pure black figure wearing a mask and an outdated hat. The hat or the mask wasn't the thing that confused Y/N, it was the fact this street vigilante was flinging these six-foot men like they were rag dolls. As embarrassing as it sounds, Y/N just stood there, stuck in some kind of awestruck daze until the ringing of a gun blast drew them out of it.

All they could cry out was a "No!" As they were still glued to the alley street. The masked figure only let out a pained grunt before taking out the shooter with one of his many knives. He stood there for a moment, their back only facing Y/N. They could tell even in the dark that this vigilante was seeing if the bullet was an exit wound or not.

“Hello?” they stepped closer to the caped hero “Are you hurt badly?”

Y/N's hero turned to them, obviously flustered as they tripped on their words as they tried to answer back.

“Uh-” He tried to bow but only winced in pain which stopped him from doing so “I would say so, but," he chuckled softly under his breath “as you can barely tell, I'm bleeding.”

Y/N rushed over to them ignoring common sense which yelled for them not to go to the man who had just taken out four men all by himself.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” they asked as they searched for the wound and see if there was an exit wound as well

“I know I haven't introduced you as I have to others, but could you be as kind as to let me into your home?” It was easy to tell the awkwardness and anxiousness in his voice. He shook his head before trying to continue his sentence, probably to backtrack and apologize but Y/N stopped them as they nodded before looking back at the street clock.

“We have sixteen minutes till curfew, we have to hurry. Can you run?”

The man nodded as he placed a hand on his wound before saying "Lead the way".

Luckily, it seemed that the secret police had vanished as they made way back to their apartment. They couldn't help but feel responsible for this poor civilian's injury. 'I could have outrun them. He didn't need to intervene like that.' They thought as they looked over at him. Now that they were closer to the street they should see where the wound truly was, his left shoulder. Y/N couldn't help but sigh in relief which rewarded them a confused head tilt from their guest. Hopefully, it hadn't hit any important nerves, muscle, or bone and they'd feel safe putting their hero on the street once a more.

Things between them things were quiet until they got to their apartment building's door. There, right on the porch of the brick establishment, he muttered a word as he was noticeably starting to get lightheaded due to blood loss.

“V...”

“V? Is that the name of the street you liv-”

“Name. That's my name.

All they could say was "oh" as they opened the door and started up the stairs. It was easy to tell he was getting grumpy as well. Who knew that was also a symptom of blood loss. When they both were greeted with their apartment door Y/N wasted no time opening said door and pulling this masked hero into it, making sure not to pull the injured side, and made a b-line to the bathroom. There, like most normal people they kept their medical supplies stored.

V stepped into the room first and before the host could follow he closed the door.

“Hey!” they yelled as they lightly slammed their hand into the bathroom door “What gives?”

“I- uh, please forgive me but I can take it from here!”

Y/N huffed as he spoke, feeling slightly insulted that they couldn't go into the bathroom they paid for. They were taken away from their irritated thoughts when V spoke again around three minutes later.

“Could you stay? Sit by the door I mean.”

“Why?” they shot back as they somewhat snapped. V waited for a moment before answering.

“Just... Nervous that's all.” His soothing British accent made the hair on Y/N's neck stand up “I can understand if you say no– I did lock you out of your own bathroom.”

“No! No, no it's okay.” They began to slide down the wall so they could sit. The quietness sneaked in as Y/N brought their knees to their chin. Small sounds like him hissing at the pain from rubbing alcohol and him rummaging for more supplies were the only things that broke said silence until he mumbled out four words;

“Would you help me...?”

The apartment's owner sighed as they got up, jittering the doorknob “Sure if you can unlock it.”

Again, it took him a few moments before a small click happened but they weren't annoyed or upset at the wait as they knew he was probably in more pain. When they opened the door they were greeted to V who now was shirtless with their back facing them. The wound wasn't the thing that caught Y/N's eye, but instead, it was the fact his body was so heavily burned. It made sense why he wanted to patch himself up now! They couldn't help but place their fingertips gently on his back which caused him the tense up.

“Need help wrapping the bandages?”

He nodded, still not looking at them which made it easier to tell that he was truly embarrassed.

Y/N looked closely at the wound, sighing in relief as it seemed that the bullet hadn't lodged itself inside any of the muscle and started wrapping the medical bandages, trying to make sure that it wasn't too tight. In an attempt to relax V they tried to make conversation about his burns. He was quick to say that he "didn't remember" how he got them which Y/N couldn't believe but dropped the subject and onto a new one; why he saved them.

“I watched you– just to make sure you got him safe– and I saw them. Harass you I mean.” he looked back at the bandage work, seemingly pleased with their work before talking once more “You threw a good punch though.”

Y/N couldn't help but blush at the compliment as they stood up “Thank you, V. Come back if you ever need help.”

When V left they couldn't help but feel that their apartment was, well, empty. That night as they laid in bed they secretly hoped he'd come back again and oh boy, would he do exactly that.

Almost three months into their budding friendship they were woken up in the middle of the night to pounding at their door. Fear washed over them like a wave as they opened the door, scared the police had come to take them away for some petty thing.

“Oh! V!” they smiled in relief along with joy as they got to see their good friend after waiting for almost one and a half months to see him again. “Come in!” they moved out of the doorframe, still smiling like a goof until they looked at the floor. Blood. Once again their dear friend had gotten himself hurt. Their heart sank as they looked back at him who was already in the bathroom except for this time he didn't lock the door like he did the first time he came here.

“Really V? This is the third time in a year,” they said with concern in their voice as they walked in the bathroom, undressing him to see the wound which turned out to be a stab wound in his upper abdomen. Luckily it didn't hit anything vital.

“Maybe you just get yourself hurt to see me..” they mumbled as they pressed a cold washcloth on him. Sure they said it was a joke but somewhere, deep down inside them, they wished it was true. V grunted as a response once rubbing alcohol was introduced to the stab injury, turning their head away from them before actually speaking.

“Come with me. Back to my place.”

Y/N turned red when they finally processed his words. Why? How? Where does he even live? Truly they wanted to say "yes" right then and there but they just couldn't.

What about their apartment? Their plants and mail? Sure, they didn't have anything important in their home like a pet but still, moving (especially when they've never seen the place) is both scary and draining.

“Why? V you know you're always welcomed in my home.”

He took Y/N hand's and placed it on his face so his "cheek" was cupped before answering their question

“One day Y/N they'll follow me back here and because you're helping me, ” he coughed “they'll take you away too. I want to make sure you're completely safe. You're important to me.”

Y/N's ears felt hot once V was done talking. They thought for a moment as they inspected the wound to see if it needed stitches. Maybe he was right and living with him would be a good idea. Hell even it wasn't like he only came to their place for safety as well as they couldn't count how many times they opened their door just to see items like water bottles or bags of fresh bread (with a V drawn on them of course) and due to that, it was clear that he did care for them.

Y/N sighed as they locked eyes with V “Ill go with you, V. Let me pack up first.”

They could tell he was happy as he rubbed his face a bit deeper into their hand.

A few hours later at one AM the two of them hurried out of the building, carrying a few duffle bags as they did so. Y/N as they walked couldn't help but glance down at the man's hands as he carried both bags.

“I can carry them V...”

“Nonsense! I'm just doing what a gentleman would do.”

They couldn't help but roll their eyes at this. For being an absolute tank he still tried to act all soft, guess that was another reason they liked them.

As they walked they teased one another, trying not to laugh so they wouldn't alert the police as they were very much out against curfew. That night Y/N learned that V loved stars which just added on to the cuteness factor of him.

“What is this?” they asked in confusion once they stopped in front of Victorian Station “V this place has been abandoned for years.”

“Exactly my comrade!” He smiled as he placed the bags on the sidewalk and opened the doors to Y/N's surprise “A secret treasure I like to call it, now come along you're probably exhausted.”

The two descended into the dark depths which V seemed to be used to. Y/N finally got to carry a bag but it was only so V could use his free hand to guide them in the dark as he had a hand on their shoulder.

As the door opened they were shocked to see the inside completely decorated. It was easy to see V was a big art nerd as classic paintings hung from the ceiling and loved literature once they saw their new room as books were piled all the way to the ceiling.

“I'm sorry if it isn't to your liking.” He said as he placed down the bag in his hand

“No no, it's amazing. Thank you, V.”

Before he left the room Y/N placed a kiss on the metal mask's cheek. V didn't stop to ask why but merely turned his head to look at Y/N who was busy unpacking their clothes now.

For the next two years, V came home with no injuries to Y/N's happiness. It was easy when it came to them bonded as V showed them his favorite movies and how to cook. Their relationship also deepened when the talk of politics came up. Sure, it was slightly concerning for them how V loved the idea of anarchy. But one thing was for certain; they both hated Sutler with a burning passion. Nothing outright romantic happened between them, BUT the night that marked their two years of friendship while having a movie marathon, Y/N laid their head somewhat near his shoulder as they began to fall asleep. V, even though he felt slightly awkward due to this situation, played with the tips of their friend's hair until the movie ended. He didn't move them back to their room, instead, to make sure V didn't wake Y/N, laid their head on a pillow and gave them a blanket before leaving the gallery. Like two years ago Y/N was startled wake around four AM to V slamming the door shut while grunting and mumbling to himself.

“V?” their voice was almost a whisper as they got up slowly and followed him

“Ah Y/N, I'm sorry for waking you.” he turned to them as he held his left side. It was easy to tell that he was nervous. When they finally got to see what was wrong their blood felt like it was being boiled. He had gotten himself hurt again! There was no blood but it was easy to tell he had broken something. He was always being reckless, didn't he know they cared for him? It just wasn't fair!

“Do I not matter to you?!” they snapped as tears threatened to fail as they grabbed the home's first aid.

“You haven't done this in so long V! Why now? Have I done something wrong? V–”

Before the could finish their rant V slammed his "lips" unto Y/N's whose eyes widen. They felt frozen for a few seconds until they wrapped their arms around them, running their fingers through his hair as they closed their eyes. To Y/N's sadness, they couldn't deepen the kiss due to his mask so holding him close was all they could do but it made them just as happy. When the two broke the kiss Y/N laid their head in the crook of his neck as they stayed silent for a few moments before they broke the silence.

“Can I say something?”

“Of course love.”

“I love you...” They held V's hand as they spoke in a whisper “I have for a while.”

V moved their head out of his crook and lifted their chin to look them in his eye before kissing them on the forehead

“And so have I.”

#imagine #imagine requests #v for vendetta #v for vendetta imagine #v for vendetta x reader

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the--sound--of--rain · 2 years

Note

when u get this u have to answer with 5 things u like about yourself, publicly. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)

thank you <3 this is so wholesome.

1. the way i write. i don't mean because it's the best, perfect writing. but i like that i am a writer and as dee worded it in her reply to this "a storyteller" (i love that word). it's not just writing fanfics, it's also how i tell my friends 20-minute long storytimes of something that happened and they're like "you always tell it so amazingly, i'm hanging on your lips". i love that i can do that? that i can tell a story, on (digital) paper or with my voice, and people enjoy it. so beautiful.

2. my empathy. not necessarily "someone cries, i cry" which i also have sometimes and it's sweet but can also be exhausting. but i love that no matter what someone's struggle is, when they explain it, i always find it in me to be like "yes, i get that, that's valid" even if i haven't felt it myself. in connection with that i also think i'm not judgy, and i don't have to try not to be, my brain just doesn't usually go there.

3. my sense of style. although a little more superficial, this really is part of me. i love clothes, i love pretty things, i think i have a great way of combining them all with each other ✨

4. that i don't think in black and white, at least not anymore. however shitty i think things are, i can always go "okay, but there's also good things right now that i'm grateful for" (you can be grateful and upset at the same time, they can co-exist). and i guess this is also an ability to step back and see the bigger picture. going "i might have anxiety but hey, we're all living on a giant rock floating through space and some day i and everyone i know will be dead" in a positive way, this thought can actually be very liberating.

5. i love that i can dance in public without shame, sober. i also would say my dancing isn't that bad but truth is, i don't know. but it doesn't matter. it's about the joy of it <3

#such a cute thing #ask game #dormarunt

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marvelfangirllll · 4 years

Text

All mine

Dean Winchester X Plus size!Reader

Words: 1586

Based off the post above. (Y/f/c) favorite colour and (y/b/n) your bully's name or a random name.

Bullying trigger warning

I had been out with the girls shopping as I needed some new bras and they were already planning on going to the mall anyway. I had picked out a few cute ones when they noticed a deal on some sexy lingerie pieces. I had held up a couple to me in front of the mirror when Charlie and the rest of our friends then convinced me to try my favorite on.

I went to the change rooms and tried on the (y/f/c) one piece that lifted my breasts and flattered my hips and sides and lifted my bottom. I turned myself around a few times. I felt like I should be on the cover of a magazine. "My lord if I wasn't me I'd date someone wearing this. I then changed back into my clothes and left the change rooms.

"Was everything okay you took so long in there" Jody asked. "Yeah I was about to go knock to make sure you didn't die" Charlie said. "I was perfectly fine maybe a little more than perfect my self esteem hasn't really been up this much in a long time. I'm definitely buying this." I smiled thinking back to how I looked. I went up to the counter to pay for everything and that's when I noticed who was in line at the other cash. The girl who bullied me for a long time who made me hate myself more then I could imagine. Hopefully she doesn't recognize me.

That's when she walked over to me while I was still waiting. "Oh my is that you (y/n) (y/l/n)". She squealed and hugged me. "Yeah it's me just picking up some stuff" I say hoping she'd leave. She then looked at all the stuff I was getting. "Cute but that one piece definitely isn't for a cow like you, you'll most likely rip it with your flabby skin, besides even if it does fit who you gonna wear it for? Yourself... pathetic. You probably don't even have a boyfriend and if you do than he's probably also a fat lazy pig". This bitch was getting on my nerves and I tried my hardest not to cry. "I'll have you know that I don't care what you think and that you certainly have not changed. I do have a boyfriend and he is the sexiest man that I know and he loves me to pieces." I say glaring at her. "Yeah and he's probably made up like the rest of your "boyfriends" (y/n)" she says putting boyfriend in finger quotations. "I do thank you very much". I said sassy. I then pulled up a picture of Dean and I together. "That's your boyfriend, I know him he came to my bar one night and we screwed like crazy, the guy said that that he hadn't been laid like that in a long time. I guess your terrible in bed then (y/n) and best regards to Poor Dean" she said and gave me her number "here for when he wants the best sex of his life again". That's when I bought my bras but left the one piece behind and ran outside the mall. Truth is we haven't had sex.

Charlie and Jody noticed (Y/n) had ran off and looked over to (y/b/n). Jody then walked over to her "excuse me ma'am your under arrest for verbal assault". (y/b/n) tried to fight out of it "It was a joke I know that girl from our past, we're really close I swear" she tried to get free and get at Jody. "Do you want to add assaulting a officer to the list" Jody says. "No Sheriff" (y/b/n) relaxed and went down to the station with Jody.

When I was outside that's when I felt an a arm go around me. "Hey, don't worry about bitches like her, your sexy and you and I know that Dean loves you. If he didn't then I'd slay him like a dragon. Charlie says and gives me a hug. She then hands me a bag from the store we were at. "Merry Christmas in July". I then look in the bag to see the one piece I loved. "I don't think Dean would ever cheat on you...also she's gone down to the station" she laughs. "Jody?" I question. Charlie nods with a smirk. "No she didn't? Omg I thank you both so much your the best girlfriends I could ask for" I jump with Joy.

I head home after I took the girls out for lunch as thanks. I decide to have a me day for the rest of the day as the boy's weren't in the bunker. I decided to have a nice hot bath with a bath bomb and some bubbles. I had a facemask on my face. "As hectic as it may be I think I actually love my life" I say to myself.

After my self care I decide to put on some comfy clothes and decide to bake. I look at the things in the cupboard and decide to make a Carmel Pecan pie.

The pie had finished and I decided to put it aside to cool and put on a movie. When my movie had finished I decided to go check on the pie and noticed it had left the location I had put it and went on a pie hunt.

I then found it still in one piece no slices gone and go to grab it when I feel muscular arms wrap around my waist. "I'm back princess thanks for the pie" Dean says and then turns me around and kisses me. "Who says the pie is yours? It's for after dinner Dean and if you try to touch it before dinner then your gonna be in trouble" I then stick my tongue out at him. "Anything you say babe" he then goes to make dinner.

I go to my room and put on the one piece that was bought and put it back on and looked at myself in my rooms mirror. "I really do look sexy" I whisper to myself. Then (y/b/n) comments start to come back and you feel some tears start to slip. Thankfully I didn't have to think on it long as Dean called for Sam and I because dinner was ready. I quickly try to grab some clothes and trip over my own feet. I gotta get up and change. I push myself up and try to get dressed as quickly as possible but unfortunately things don't like to work out. Dean walks into my room.

"I called for" Dean stops himself and looks me up and down the one-piece still on. "Forgot dinner and Pie I think I found my full meal" Dean says flirtatiously. " I quickly and finally throw clothes on overtop of the one piece. "Let's just go eat dinner" I say not realizing it was quick and not my usual tone. "Hey baby girl you alright? I try to walk past him but he stops me. "Yes I'm fine" he looks at me weird and walks us to sit on my bed. "He wraps his arm around me and rubs my back soothingly. "Do I not please you enough" I say and breakdown. "Yeah sweetheart of course you do... what's all this about" he says cuddling into me. "Its just we've never had sex and I feel so gross with myself and I bought the piece to feel sexy and to please you that my body isn't fat and bad" I cry and keep rambling. "Baby girl your gorgeous, don't you ever say such things, whenever you wear something a bit revealing I'm always checking you out, even when you aren't I have to stop myself from always holding on. "I'm so sorry for crying just a had a rough day, the bitch who used to bully me was there and she was saying stuff to get in my head and that she knew you and she said that she was the best fuck in your life" I continue to sob. I then pull up a picture of (y/b/n) with shaky hands. "Yeah I know her I helped her out because her fiance was really a vampire and it had been a long time since I had been laid while on the road...but that was years ago before I met you, I'm so glad that Chuck created you I never wanna leave you" Dean says and kisses me "how about we hang out in one of our rooms and I'll go get the food and bring it here and we can watch game of thrones re-runs" he kissed me again then went off.

I set up the tv and my bed with comfy blankets and got in and Dean brought dinner and the pie I had made. He then climbed in cuddling with me and cuddles with me as I'm the "comfiest pillow ever" . "We don't ever have to do anything you don't want to do right now baby girl" he says then feeds me some pie and shoves some in his mouth too. I love this man and how good to me he is.

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rnegitsune · 4 years

Text

Ok so I thought I'd put together some horror stories from my time as a babymetal fan bc of how drastic the shift in the fandom has been the past year or so. For context I got into babymetal in like june of 2014 (all 3 girls were still underage at the time, I was 22; when I first got into them I thought I would be considered an older fan lmao the naivete, the innocence of new fan me wow I know now I'm not at all in the older half of the fandom esp considering I was born the same decade as su and moa), and I made this blog in I think may of 2015.

I've had people say I should compile men being gross into a post and I just couldn't do that out of fear for my own mental health but this will be pretty close. These are all my experiences with this fandom over the years; I'm definitely missing some but what I do remember should do well to cover most of how this fandom used to be vs now. It's gonna be a lot and tw for men being gross about minors.

Back in my first year or so of this blog I on multiple occasions got dms from men asking to be friends. At the time my bio only said my name and my pronouns. I've always been cautious of dms so I'd ask their age and every single one was considerably older than me. I wouldn't usually answer after that bc no thanks but they would generally try to continue convos til I blocked. The only one I still had was this one

After I put my age in my bio, which was 23 at the time, I never got a dm like that again; take from that what you will. But if you're young please be wary of this hell fandom even now. And if you're an older fan and esp an older male fan reading this, don't dm people trying to be friends. I was over 18 and it still creeped me out to no end.

One of my real first men in this fandom are disgusting moments was a blog back in like 2015 or 2016 who I had some contact with due to common interests; he was a huge yui stan and made bm content. He was like 28 or 29 at the time and I eventually noticed he would tag idols, mostly kpop girls, by their body parts (legs, butt, etc) which is disgusting enough as it is but then I saw him do the same for literal minors, like tzuyu from twice. I messaged him asking what the hell he was doing objectifying women but also actual children and he blocked me lmao. He later unblocked me to let me know that's just how he tagged things and it was my fault he had anxiety and then he blocked me again.

Back before the tumblr purge this fandom was repulsive to a degree I cannot even begin to describe. Someone would reblog something from me, I'd go to their blog and it would be underage jpop idols and japanese p*rn all the way down. I even stumbled upon a man editing underage su into p*rn gifs. Obviously no proof of that but I did go find my initial reaction to it

The number of times I'd get a follow from someone then go to their blog and it would be as mentioned above or their bio would be the most misogynistic trash I'd ever read was staggering. I genuinely considered giving up and deleting this blog so many times bc i felt oberwhelmed and outnumbered by these gross old dudes; and so the fact that this fandom has evolved into a bunch of chaotic wlw?? Amazing, I could cry.

Fun phenomenon of women running bm blogs was men sending messages asking if we liked babymetal. No joke. I think this happened to me two or three times but I spoke w other female creators at the time and it had happened to them as well. My entire blog is babymetal, and yet???

He said the weird guy idk bc he sent some random ass messages vaguely insulting me and when I responded coldly, he acted confused so I said you're some guy idk, hence the above message starting as such. Also that pic and the one up above that has my current pfp bc I just took those screenshots. Like I said I typically blocked weird dms but I guess these passed me by so I still had the messages.

Most people know the sub reddit is the worst and don't need me to tell you but it's a hellscape and I highly recommend avoiding it. A short list of things I've had to see as a result of going there: men discussing at length kano and momoko's appearances and how they look in costume vs in normal clothes. Men discussing at length the hope that the girls would marry men who aren't Japanese, a thread that was from when all 3 girls were underage. They aren't gonna marry you dude they're really not.

The insulting of billie Eilish, a 17 year old at the time, was horrible too. Su and moa got to meet her, something they were extremely excited for, and they posted a pic; the comments were disgusting as you can imagine. The yui rumors were terrible too, fatshaming, slutshaming etc all based on nothing. Some man saying the rumors about yui leaving bc, no joke this was a real rumor, she "got too fat" couldn't be true bc "look at saya." Saya being a barely 18 yo back up dancer who covered the third spot after yui left but before the avengers. Not to mention the upskirt shots from when they were minors, the constant editing of their faces onto explicit photoshoots etc. I remember being a new fan looking for a su pic on google and being horrified at the fact that one of the top suggested results after her name was “bikini;” she was 16 at the time. Also, the uptick in massively creepy posts and messages sent to bm blogs as each girl, but esp moa and yui, approached 18 was disgusting.

Now for some personal nonsense. A big reason why I haven't touched my youtube channel in months is bc I got tired of dealing with the men of this fandom. I poke fun at metal and get told I deserve to die. I say ped*philes and creepy men are gross and get a swarm of middle aged men cursing at me. Had a guy cry about how men are shamed for liking bm and then he turned around and said some gross shit about wlw. Had a guy call me racist for liking a band he also likes (and despite him having no way of knowing my own race) and tell me the babymetal fandom doesn't need my kpop feminist bullshit, which is honestly a great description and I thought about putting it in my yt about lmao. Had a middle aged man unironically say he'd never seen a man be creepy towards bm but fans su and moa's ages calling them hot was creepy. The disillusionment....the level of unawareness is astounding. If you want to see screenshots of some of these comments they are fairly recent in my don't mind me tag; I don't want to see them anymore tho bc they're infuriating so I'm not going to look at them to post here.

Essentially I haven't looked at my channel since may bc men are exhausting and rude and refuse to examine the fandoms they're a part of no matter what. They're told by a woman of the fandom that she's had bad experiences personally and they all start crying about how it's either a lie bc they haven't seen it or unimportant. I did stop reading comments in may and I will never read another one again probably as a result of this shit. Trash men being trash are not worth my time and I refuse to give them anymore of it. I do plan on making more videos tho and let my ~feminist kpop bullshit~ live in their minds rent free.

I will also continue to make fun of metal and the creepy men in this fandom bc it's important and I'm a spiteful asshole who likes disrupting these dudes perfect bubble of a fandom. It genuinely brings me so much joy seeing all the new fans recently (which sidenote if you got into them recently I am kinda curious as to how you found them; I've gotten tons of new followers and considering how inactive they are rn I'm curious). People sending messages about how they finally feel like they belong or that they have a safe space....like I don't even know what to say and I never feel like my responses fully convey how genuinely wonderful that is and how thrilled I am that this is where we're at now and I have had at least some part in it. As this post shows, my experiences have been negative for the most part so the shift recently is such a relief I cannot even begin to explain my gratitude.

So to anyone who read all of this and hasn't disintegrated from the male bullshit, thank you. Keep being yourself and fighting for your place in this fandom, esp if you're a young woman; keep making fun of the creeps and keep making wlw memes!! Babymetal's music is in such a huge way meant for girls and to see more and more finding their way to this previously hellish beyond belief fandom is incredible.

#babymetal #don't mind me #this is long ok

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another-koopa-fan · 3 years

Text

Dear friend...

I know it's way too late, but... I'm still glad that I finished this piece ;w;

First of all, I'm very sorry for the late arrival of this entry, but I really had no time the last weeks because of Homeschooling and the change to regular lessons next week... I had to be prepared for long online lessons, a couple of presentations and a big hill of exercises that I had to manage... But I hope that everything will be fine and a bit more back to normal now :')

But now we get serious...

At the beginning of this month, I was waiting with great joy for this special day... You may guess what day it is :'3

IT'S OUR 2ND FRIENDSHIP ANNIVERSARY!!!💜💜💜💜💜

And for that special day, I made a little surprise for you:

Say hello to our two OC's, Diana and Ilonka! (Sorry that I did Diana again as a human, but as you may know, I suck at drawing koopas XD)

Anyway, I hope that you like it as much as I like it, my friend! :D

And now for some personal words from me to you:

What I want to say is... These whole 2 years of our conversations (no matter if they were full of joy, anger, sadness or anxiety) really mean very much to me!!! :''') I'm really glad that I've met a good friend here on this social network who is still online and still talks with me about things we like/dislike both :3

So thank you for everything!

...for our crazy talks about random content, they really make me laugh at any time! xD

...for your kind and sweet words when I feel down and unsure, I really appreciate that! I'm often very shy and don't know how to handle things. But talking to you often makes me feel way better, friend! :')

...for all of your support for my things, no matter if it's my art, my blog, my fandoms...you really are one important reason why I keep going on here at Tumblr (otherwise I probably would have left here already XD)

...and so much more! You really are a wonderful person that means so much to me! <3 <3 <3

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING, I HOPE THAT WE WILL HAVE MANY MORE DAYS OF TALKING !!! LOVE YOU!!!💓💓💓

~LET'S CELEBRATE THESE DAYS!!!~

Bye~ :3

◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇ ◇

Friend... I can't describe how I feel right now after seeing this. It's just... wonderful, I'll admit that reading this made me cry, because the way you express your feelings is beautiful! :')

Just like you said, these two years have been full of many happy moments... and sad ones: You have no idea how bad I felt whenever I heard you were feeling awful, and well, I always tried to put a smile on your face, despite the difficult times.

I really appreciate all of the support you have given to me in these years. To be honest, I don't know what did I do to deserve this: To have an amazing and talented person like you as a friend! ;w;

And, yes. I've thought about leaving Tumblr a lot of times too, because I feel like this place is no longer the same... However, knowing that you're still here is enough to change my mind. You're one of the main reasons I haven't deactivated my blog!

It always makes me smile when you take your time to say hello whenever you can! I wish I could do the same, but I'm always afraid I may interrupt you or something, I'm so sorry ;_;

On the other hand, I'm glad to hear you're doing great despite having a lot of things to do in life! The most important thing is to take care of yourself in these moments! I'll be wishing you the best <3

Also, I know we've talked about this before but: Never say your art is not good. Even if you can't see it, you've improved a LOT since we first met... and this drawing is proof of that: Our girls are looking beautiful! ;w;

Don't give up ;)

Love you so much, my friend! Let's celebrate another year of friendship! :D ❤

I'll try to send you my gift tomorrow once it's finished! ;3

((You were faster than me this time OMG XD))

#diana #ilonka #friends oc #digital art #happy 2nd friendship anniversary!!!#submission #friends wonderful art ☆#((PEOPLE LOOK AT THIS AHHHHH))#((Thank you so so so much!! ❤))#blog owner's OCs

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