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#They hate the necromancer as much as you do
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An actual idea: Making "Animate Dead" Evil Again
Zombies and skeletons in D&D, for all they play to spooky images, aren't really horrific. They're a mismash of two different lores that can't really work together (like a lot of zombie fiction but that's a discussion for another day)- the mindless ravenous predators of modern zombie apocalypse and the tragic undead slaves of the original stories. But they lack either sides symbolic resonance. They're no apocalypse- they're disposable cannon fodder even a starting party can take down- but nor is there any indication that "animate dead" is an actual evil act beyond being kinda gross. This seems very harmless for both a nominal horror monster, and something intended to be a genuinely (indeed, mechanically) evil act.
It doesn't seem possible to make them a real threat without major changes, so the obvious solution to this is a simple fluff change. They're not mindless. They're compelled, they can't act of their own volition. But they're still in there.
They don't shamble. They visibly struggle against the motions their limbs make, as if they were puppets trying to resist their strings. They don't moan. They sob, and when they see the players they force out desperate apologies and pleas for help. They're not stupid. They're intentionally twisting orders and trying to destroy themselves to the best of their ability because they hate the necromancer and are taking what vengeance they can.
Maybe they can genuinely help, if the players will accept it. The "disposable minions" see a lot, and might mutter the necromancer's weaknesses or warnings about an upcoming ambush or whatever useful information they've seen while attacking. Failing that, they fight to lose. They're easy to beat not because they're weak, but because they're on your side. They intentionally move to hinder the necromancer and help the party as much as they're able to, they interpret all the villain's orders as unhelpfully as they can, they hiss encouragements and laugh hollowly when the players succeed.
The undead hordes are victims, not monsters. They're the people the players are trying to help, or at least avenge. And they're trying, as best as they can, to make it happen.
-Pencil.
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nympippi · 1 year
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can we get some more griffy content 🥹 literally anything will make me beyond happy
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Finney teaches Griffin how to play baseball in his spare time because Griffin see’s Finn as a big brother and looks up to him!
Finn also teaches Griffin how to braid hair! And make pancakes since,
I headcannon that while Finn is definitely the older brother in the Blake household, he’s also a parental figure to Gwen and Griffin. Making sure Gwen’s hair is braided, making sure they’ve eaten, and have their homework done.
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sovonight · 11 months
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,
#ohhhhhhh i really do dislike the tonal shift in bg2/tob so much........ and by that i mean mostly in xan's mod 😭#i mean maybe the sense of betrayal and disappointment is immersive but it really leaves me with No idea what to do with him#in my version of radri's story. like. do i do my best even with all the parts i find ooc? do i cherry pick what i want and forget the rest?#and even after all my complaints i keep thinking back to his author. the fact that somehow this is the *intended* experience#currently feeling like the necromancer who resurrected their wife and is convinced she came back wrong but who just never truly knew her#i keep going back to 'estel'amin'. the fact that xan named charname his hope--and then quickly stopped using that name for her#once her bhaalspawn nature continued to affect her life after the conclusion of bg1#so--basically--i'm to assume that he changed his mind? she's no longer his hope; his light; and if she is it's rare#he just calls her beautiful now; something far more shallow#and the fact that in tob he vacillates between subtly criticizing her for her nature which she has no control over#(and which in radri's case she has never even willingly given in to)--#and attempting to comfort her after her nature makes bad things happen to her & around her#--but then his comfort is once again undermined by the aforementioned shallow compliments#it's coming across as 'i love your body despite what you are in spirit' and really isn't a great look at all#look maybe i'm crazy but in bg1 i got the impression that he was able to accept and move past it fairly quickly#like 'ok you're a bhaalspawn so now let's move into problem solving. obviously i have to quit my job and travel with you full time'#but in bg2 he spends most of his time lamenting about how hard it must be for her to live like this#while also pointing it out as a personal flaw of hers. as if she'd had any say in who her father was#like there are npcs literally shouting 'i hate all bhaalspawn!' and here he is--supposedly her closest supporter--#also subtly saying 'i hate bhaalspawn' right to her face#when literally as a neutral alignment and as a companion of 1-2 years-- he should actually have THE most nuanced take on her???#in bg1 he says murder is unavoidable in the life of an adventurer. then in tob he comments that charname kills everyone haphazardly--#--as though in another jab to her nature. meanwhile as a constant companion he should know better than anyone that it wasn't so simple#idk. i'm almost feeling gaslighted by the narrative in a sense#because when everyone else talks about xan in bg2/tob--including charname via the dialogue options/written internal dialogue--#they say that he's ~gray~ and calm and collected and emotionless etc#meanwhile he's literally the most emotional guy in the game. like. he's freaked out SO many times#so?? how am i supposed to take anything here genuinely?? how am i supposed to engage??? SIGH#anyway today's my first day at my new job and i have to wake up in 2 hours & im certain that i'll be too nervous to eat today#my goal for today is just to not be fired 👍 12 hours from now it will be over...
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sparky-is-spiders · 9 months
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Hey check out my stupid dumb idiot boy. I love him very much which is why I put him through The Horrors. He's got a lot of lore floating around the brainspace that I don't feel like dropping here, but the short of it is that he's a dragon, he's a made up thing called a Noctar (think werewolves that fly and have no particular relationship with the moon). He was chosen to at birth to be the servant of a god (much to the chagrin of his parents who really, really hate gods), he served (possibly dated, and definitely killed) the Ultra-Special Chosen One of a different god, and he even managed to fall into weilding two different (mind-altering?) fire-themed swords (who keeps giving him those anyway?).
But yeah if you've seen me talking in the tags about my Wretched Lizards? Here's one of them!
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gideonisms · 2 years
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I should get married for convenience just like this girl in the show. My brother and his wife pay under $500 a month because he had a friend who wanted to help out a lovely newlywed couple. Well I am lovely. Who wants to marry me for the benefits (financial)
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cannibalisticskittles · 9 months
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i'm considering a future baldur's gate mc
not super relevant bc the next run will. probably be. amity. again. with wyll. maybe not but it's likely.
anyway eventually i might do a dark urge mc, and i'm thinking about incorporating my bhaalspawn into their backstory
bhaalspawn #1, taev, is following up on a lead about another splinter of bhaal cultists and comes across itsy bitsy mc. decides that it's time to follow in gorion's footsteps and Raise The Murderbaby. ...but taev is human, and also bound to their paladin oath, which keeps them pretty mobile. and imoen, frankly.... doesn't want to. a mother? her?? no thank you. she's meant to be the fun aunt, and nothing more hands on than that.
bhaalspawn #2, kher, settles down a few years after the events of bg2, after she is finally convinced that her sisters are healed + powerful enough to rip apart anyone who might want to harm them. she's always ready to intervene, and will do so with unholy, murderous fury at a moment's notice, but. after a decade she can chill a bit. a Bit. and she's an elf. she'll live for-fucking-ever. plus, she got most of the murder rage when they got their souls ripped out, so she's the best candidate for teaching the murder baby how to contain the murder rage as they grow older. the only complicating factor is the company she keeps -- kher definitely, definitely resurrected xzar after bg2 and now they're, like, weird necromancy experiment partners.
kher is not. necessarily. great at raising babies. but she did alright as an influence on taev and imoen. so it'll be fine... right?
thus begins fitz, doomed from the start -- long before the urges got more prominent and their memories were eaten up
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goosegoblin · 1 year
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no bitch has ever gone as hard as commander wake, actually. like:
take over and unite a disorganised insurgency group to become one of the greatest threats ever presented to an immortal god
learn about, identify, locate and somehow KILL??? a monster that multiple lyctors have died trying to kill, then make said monster's body into weaponry for better god-killing abilities
identify the saint of duty and make him violate his duty, sexual-style. it's okay, because the 'duty' really refers to his cavalier, who you are also dating. succesfully two-time two people who are sharing a body. how do you even do this.
connect with even more lyctors and, rather than getting killed on sight, agree to help kill the emperor. this part contains child murder but okay!
when the relevant material dies, who cares? you've got a perfectly good womb, a syringe and seemingly immortal sperm!
inseminate yourself with god's semen ???
succesfully evade the saint of duty for the duration of your pregnancy. when cornered, succesfully a) get to the right place b) induce labour and c) deliver your child
get kicked out an airlock. this one is a bummer. reroute your oxygen to your child, which would be a sweet gesture if it wasn't specifically so your child can be killed at a more useful time
refuse all attempts by ninth house spirit-callers, other than yelling the name of the lyctor that killed you. 'sacred forgotten names' my ass
like. that's already genuinely insane behaviour! and that's only stuff that happens before book one!
because then your soul is so bitter and determined and angry that you somehow hold onto your bones for a VERY long time and you don't go insane, and then you end up in a sword for literal decades and you still don't go insane, and then some mega necromancer gets hold of The Sword With You In It and you hate her so much you can make her projectile vomit just by being near you- and, again, you are a ghost inside a sword at this stage-
also you simultaneously haunt the necromancer's brain and fuck up her attempts to rewrite history by being like 'what if i was there and also i had a gun. what if that.' and you're so hard to kill that they have to summon the ghost of the coolest bestest big boy soldier who ever lived just to try and step to you.
and also you got the necro to stab a body so you can puppet the corpse around a spaceship, which you use mostly to try and kill lyctors (and, also, to try and fuck)
also, you canonically named yourself after 'lose yourself' by eminem.
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Imagine DND night with the beast pirates
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During one session
Queen: Alright, you idiots somehow managed to kidnap the ambassador. You have him tied up in the dank, dark, dilapidated dungeon of the old capital ruins.
King: We need to interrogate him for answers, it's clear that he's working for the necromancer, he might know where he is. I roll for intimidation, *rolls* sixteen.
Queen: *mutters,* of course that is where you go with it, pervert. *Speaks loudly,* Your intimidation is only slightly successful. The ambassador knows his life is in danger and needs to flee. However, he refuses to answer your questions. He proclaims, "I will never tell you anything, I shall be loyal to my master till my last breath!"
Kaido: *really in the character of his half-orc barbarian* that can be arranged, little man.
Queen: *rolls for him* The ambassador stutters, his voice quivering, "I just received messages from him and carried out his bidding, I don't know where he is really."
Yamato: Perception check, I'd like to see if he is lying.
Queen: you'll need a nineteen or higher, Are you sure you want to do that?
Yamato: *rolls* nat 20.
Queen: you can tell he's lying big time, you can practically smell the nervous flop sweat on this guy from across the room.
You: I can make him talk, I cast heat metal on his bones.
Queen: heat metal only works on metal, it's literally in the name of the spell. It doesn't work on bones, since they're made of calcium.
You: and calcium is a soft metal.
Queen: what's your source.
You: *came prepared to dispute this because you've been looking for an excuse to use this knowledge for evil. You pulled out an advanced chemistry textbook with the page bookmarked and the section highlighted, and handed it to him.* Read it and weep.
Queen: *puts on his reading glasses to read it* ... Dear god, okay, you cast heat metal, roll a d10 for me.
You: *rolls* 8
Queen: and with a plus three modifiers... you heat his bones until he's screaming. The ambassador lasts only thirty seconds before he reveals that the wizard necromancer, Typhus the Terrible, lives in the glittering palace deep in the inky caverns of Roptian, which is guarded by the onyx dragon.
Sasaki: yer kind of scary sometimes.
You: thank you.
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At another session
Queen: okay, you enter the throne room, and the evil wizard is lounging on the glittering throne, Typhus the Terrible.
King: I roll for initiative *rolls dice*
Queen: critical fail, your fighter is dead.
Kaido: *rolls for attack* critical fail.. Hmm, I hate this game.
Queen: you are also dead, (y/n), you are the only one left with any spell slots or turns left. What are you gonna do?
You: ... I would like to cast summon water
King: there goes that campaign.
Queen: that spell lets you fill a space with water, are you sure that's what you want to do.
You: yes
Queen: the room fills with water
You: I didn't cast it in the room.
Queen: where then did you cast it?
You: inside the wizard's skull.
The whole room: *horrified*
Queen: you can't do that
You: the spell specifies that it fills a space, and a skull cavity is a space. And you let me fill the chest down the hall with water, why not this dude's head?
Queen: ugh, hang on a minute, I need to figure out the damage.... You killed the boss... You flooded his brain with so much water, that his skull exploded.
King: that's the most messed up thing I've ever heard.
Kaido: *mutters* we've done worse.
You: you should be very glad I don't have a devil fruit
King: I'm starting to see that now, thank you.
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sofipitch · 8 months
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One big theme in the locked tomb is the importance of community, and especially with the framework of those with a disability. Harrow in HTN has two different worlds she is interacting with, one in which the people around her don't give a shit to help her at all, and in that world she dies. Then in the river bubble most everyone refuses to leave her on her own, thye chose to help her, many despite not knowing her. Compare Ianthe's speech to Harrow in the prologue, the way she frames it is Harrow will not survive if she doesn't accept her help, and that Ianthe specifically is the only one who can. Her speech intentionally or not implied that she sees Harrow as weak. Of course Harrow rejects her help. Whereas when Harrow is asking the others to not help her defeat the sleeper, many frame it as helping her is just being part of something they already wanted to do or that they benefit from (the ones that come immediately to mind being Abigail, Dulcie, and Marta). They help her but don't make her feel like she owes them anything for doing it. Which is the opposite of Ianthe, when Harrow makes her the bone arm, Harrow doesn't want anything in return but Ianthe explicitly states she doesn't want to owe her.
The same is true in Nona, Camilla, Palamedes, and Pyrrha don't really owe it to Harrow to keep her/her body safe. It's obviously a lot of work, the equivalent to raising a child, but Nona is never treated as a burden. And I hate to imagine what it would have been like for Nona had she been alone, she said she couldn't even remember to walk at first. And this is all over the series, Dulcie lovingly saying Palamedes invented the breathing tube for her. Camilla and Coronabeth caring for Judith when they were captured. Even in places that aren't tied to disability, a necromancer and cavalier HAD to work together to complete the challenges. The way both of the Palamedes' detective short stories depend on the help another person lends him. It means so much for a story featuring characters with a disability to emphasize that it is okay to need other people, that we all do or will. That you don't need to push yourself to extremes to keep up (Harrow has this mindset in both books and in both she succeeds the most with the help of others, not alone).
To go even further, it isn't just about helping one another, but the importance of not keeping a score. Don't think you have to make up an equivalent amount of help to someone else. One of the things Gideon emphasizes as the most hurtful in Harrow's rejection is the rejection of her help. Palamedes says that he feels bad for using Camilla for his agenda and she answers that it was never his agenda. Him needing her body was something Camilla would never think twice about giving. They would do these things because they love them. This is just me repeating themes but I'm so used to the Western independent mindset, and disability porn of "if you just try hard enough" this series is a breath of fresh air
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katakaluptastrophy · 4 months
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Can we talk about Juno Zeta?
You're living the dream, Master Archivist of the Sixth House. The Archaeology department hates you. The secretaries love you. Your son has risen to the very top of the absolutely unproblematic meritocracy of the House to become Master Warden. Sure, you treated him as a colleague when he was 7 too, but this is much more intellectually satisfying and much better for your publication record (suck it, Archeo). You sit on the Oversight Body, making decisions for the 3 million strong House of the Sixth.
Then the Master Warden gets summoned by god to become a Lyctor. (No civilian has seen a Lyctor for thousands of years. But the information you do have speaks of astonishing power. Are you intrigued? Do you regard it as an even more stellar opportunity for the Master Warden? Do Lyctors have access to interesting material for the archives? Does the possibility of your son becoming an immortal finger and gesture of god ever feel strange?)
A few months later, some fragments come back in a box. There's nothing left of Camilla at all. No one will tell you anything. Every House but the Third and the Ninth has lost its head or heir (the poor girl your son loved is dead. You're never going to get another overly-formal letter from the Fifth begging for Lyctoral documents from your archive.)
Then the Master Warden makes contact from beyond the grave to tell you that the saintly founder of your House left a plan in place in case it ever became necessary to betray god. He tells you why god should be betrayed.
Suddenly, the Oversight Body has to make a decision. To take your home and 3 million people away from the Dominicus System (away from its thanergetic soil, no more necromancers will ever be born). To break the contract of tenderness made on the day of the Resurrection. Do you have time to call back your soldiers in the Cohort? Do you have to leave them behind? Has the Oversight Body ever felt unanimously about something before? And how frank can you be with the House? You have visiting scholars from almost every House, and who knows where the Bureau have eyes and ears.
There are calculations to make. How to transport a whole House? How do you work out that it takes five hundred and thirty-two obselisks? That there are deleterious effects past five hundred and sixty? How do you find a stele that would anchor such a big thanergy transition? (Only the Fifth make stele. Do you try to do it yourselves? Who do you trust on the Fifth to help with that? Is that why Kester Cinque left Koniortos?)
The Master Warden, who is dead, lives inside the body of Camilla, who is not. He picks you - in your capacity as Master Archivist - to be one of the negotiators. How do you integrate 3 million people into a completely alien society with whom your people have been at war for millennia? How does negotiating with terrorists feel compared to academic committees?
What happens then? One day you just...lose it? The sun rises too bright and too blue and you are in agony, unconnected from yourself, screaming and writhing. And when the thing in the sky is at its furthest orbit from you, in some exhausted moment of clarity, you nearly kill yourself using necromancy to restore your sanity. You blind yourself. Do you think beyond that moment? As someone who deals in documents and artefacts and forms in triplicate, do you mourn your sight alongside everything else you have lost? Your son, your home, your god, your sanity...
And now you are a hostage. Sixteen of you in the back of a sweltering truck, held at gunpoint, always moving. The only thing keeping you alive is the possibility of selling you back to the empire that you've betrayed. Your captors have signed a 'no torture' clause, and perhaps they do stick to that. You're needed for providing proof of life and are probably better off than most. But it's too hot, there's not enough water, you can't see, and the only way out is either that the Master Warden gives Blood of Eden a Lyctor or being released to the mercies of the Kindly Prince. You sit in the dark and do mental maths with each other to stay sane.
Somehow, the Master Warden has done it. Without a Lyctor, he's turned his own cell commander against her fellows and you have been released. Most of the Oversight Body can't even walk out of the truck without help. But you're free, and the Master Warden - now in the stolen body of a Lyctor's cavalier - has the sort of mad scheme only he could come up with. Those mental maths will come in handy. The cell commander isn't bad either...
You can't see your son die again (the last time he speaks to you, from that borrowed body, he calls you 'mum' instead of 'Master Archivist'). But you can smell Camilla’s flesh burn. Perhaps the Commander, holding your arm, describes it to you. You follow this new person, your child, now something else, back into the truck where you were held captive and watch as they drive it into the River.
The Tomb is open. Your child is part of a being of strange and unimaginable power. The House Formerly Known as Sixth is on the other side of the universe. You are on the Ninth with a dead cavalier in the body of her necromancer, the Emperor’s construct, legions of demons, and a very mysterious dog...
Anyway, I'm very excited to see what havoc Juno gets to cause in ATN. She's there to be snarky, do psychometry, and be a romanceable MILF. Let her yell at god. And for goodness sake, let her get some peace at the end.
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drastrochris · 1 month
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Ok, stick with me on this one:
Harrow is born, and Priamhark and Pelleamena are overjoyed. The Ninth is saved!
But there's this weird redhead baby who rudely didn't die. The horrible great-aunts don't like it, and over Aiglamene's objections, send the child up with Crux to the top of the shaft where he opens her protective suit and watches as she insolently continues to live. So he chucks her down the shaft, where she bounces a few times, cries for a bit, then eventually crawls over to a basket where she steals a leek to chew on.
A few years later, they give Harrowhark the bones, and she immediately can manipulate them, again saving the Ninth. They give some to Gideon too, and she uses them to drum on every surface, including Harrow's head. She's told "the Reverend Daughter is not a percussion instrument," before Aiglamene takes her away to start her proper Cavalier training.
"You can't die," Aiglamene informs her as she slides a sword through Gideon's stomach, "so you must do whatever you can to protect Harrowhark."
"This still hurts, you know," Gideon replies.
Instead of growing up hating each other, they're brought up as a team. They still go into the Tomb, of course, because they're kids, and have been told explicitly never to go into the Tomb.
Harrow can't understand why Gideon can't die, but as long as she agrees to sign off on delivery orders from the Cohort of "periodicals, misc" and "cookies, assorted," Gideon is perfectly happy to let her drain a bit of blood and feed her deadly poisons. Eventually, she's watched Gideon not-die from nearly everything she can think of, and picks up on a slight resonance that sings out when Gideon doesn't die.
The letter arrives, Ortus has no part in this story, and Harrow and Gideon arrive at Canaan House without incident.
Until they walk down the shuttle ramp and see everyone else staring at them. "It's like these people haven't seen an immortal hero before. Or maybe you're just too much of a butt-hurt nun for the other houses." Chaos erupts as the Seventh House cav and necromancer immediately attack them, but the body of Protesilaus falls apart quickly under Gideon's blade, and the Lady Dulcinea is subdued with only minor structural damage. Even when she screams out that she's Cytherea the First, and that she "will not be stopped by children," it's clear that she has been.
In the aftermath, Teacher is delighted. "May I call you Harrowhark the First, with your living cavalier, Gideon the First? The first perfect lyctor. No, the first lyctor of any kind to see these halls for a myriad?"
Palamedes is torn between "my beloved penpal is definitely dead" and "this angry scrungle rederived lyctorhood alone, on a planet with no resources, and with a cav who seems to be most interested in eating everyone's desserts."
Ianthe is furious, but can't quite identify why, other than she /hates/ Harrow the First's cav.
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niqhtlord01 · 4 months
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Humans are weird: D&D Part 7
Alien DM: Can you explain something to me? Human Necromancer: What is it? Alien: Why is your sub class a seamstress? Human Necromancer: You ever wonder why I remove the limbs of every foe we’ve defeated. Human Paladin: Because you pledged your soul to the darkness leaving me pondering why I have left you alive for this long? Human Necromancer: Close but not quite. Human Necromancer: My raise the dead skill allows me to raise one undead creature at a time as a thrall. Human Necromancer: It does not however specify the size of said creature. Human Artificer: Oh my gods…. Alien DM: What? Human Artificer: Is that why you wanted my bag of holding?!!?? Alien DM: What does that mean? What is happening? Human Artificer: He’s been stitching the limbs together to form a single creature. Alien DM: *Realization kicks in* Alien DM: *Turns to necromancer* How big is your creature? Human Necromancer: By last count three miles long and all of it very grabby. Human Paladin: *Vomits* Human Artificer: So you call it out of my bag when you need it? Human Necromancer: Pretty much. Human Necromancer: I call it “Little Bessie”. ------------------
Alien DM: Metal gates slam down from the ceiling, trapping your party in a narrow corridor. Alien DM: You hear the sound of heavy footsteps towards you and from the shadows emerges the dark lord Drakholm himself. Alien DM: His fiery red eyes look down at you all through his corrupted helm. Alien DM: “I have waited-“ Human Wizard: Question. Alien DM: What? Human Wizard: I would like to ask a quick question. Alien DM: You are cutting the dark lord’s speech off before it has even begun. Human Paladin: It is rude. Human Rogue: The man has killed, like, a thousand people. Human Rogue: Do we really care if we’re rude to him? We’re here to kill him! Human Paladin: Good point. Fuck’m them. Alien DM: *Sighs* Fine, what is your question? Human Wizard: Are these metal gates solid gates or a portcullis? Alien DM: It is a portcullis. Human Wizard: I cast Acid Splash through the metal bars and directly at the dark lord as he is giving his speech. Alien DM: You…..what? Human Rogue: No, no; he’s got a point here. Human Rogue: What kind of villain would expect someone to interrupt his big monologue? Alien DM: I guess….roll for it. *Rolls dice, and passes* Alien DM: You fire a glob of acid at the dark lord as he is giving his speech. Alien DM: He was entirely unprepared for the attack and the glob hits him right in the face passing through the opening in his helmet. Alien DM: He lets out the briefest of screams before his head is reduced to a pile of mush. Human Paladin: I am surprised with how easy that was. Alien DM: I hate you all…..so….so very much. ---------------------------------
Alien Shop Keeper: That’ll be seventeen gold pieces. Human Paladin: That’s robbery! Alien Shop Keeper: Those area my prices. Human Rogue: You know that paladins kill the sinful, right? Alien Shop Keeper: So? Human Rogue: Robbery is considered a sin. Human Paladin: *Draws sword* Alien Shop Keeper: Oh no… ------------------------------------- Alien DM: Suddenly, a group of bandits leap from the bushes! Human Druid: I cast mold earth and turn the dirt underneath them to quicksand. Alien DM: *Rolls dice, fails* Alien DM: Well…..not how I expected that encounter to end. Alien DM: Are you going to bring them up to interrogate? Human Druid: In another three minutes. Alien DM: But these bandits can only hold their breath for one minute. Human Druid: You heard what I said. ---------------------------------- Human Wizard: I cast fireball! Alien DM: The fireball direct hits against the enemy troll in the center of town. Human Wizard: YES! Alien DM: It does absolutely no damage however as it is a rock troll. Human Wizard: Oh. Alien DM: The flames roll off it harmlessly and catch several surrounding buildings on fire. Human Wizard: Oh hell….. Alien DM: The citizens of the buildings run out in fear only to be picked up by rock troll and eaten. Human Wizard: Jesus Christ!!! Alien DM: And then the puppies wander into the street. Human Wizard: For fucks sake just kill my character now and spare the puppies! --------------------------------------------- Human Artificer: BEHOLD! Human Artificer: *Removes shroud* My latest invention! Alien Rogue: What is it? Human Artificer: The ultimate undead fighting weapon! Alien Priest: Interesting, how does it work? Human Artificer: Within this sphere is a small amount of explosive powder mixed with blessed salt. Human Artificer: When the charge goes off it sends breaches the secondary holy water cylinder and sprays the entire area with holy water and blessed sand. Alien Priest: So you’ve made. Human Artificer: A HOLY HANDGRENADE!!!!! --------------------------------------------- Alien DM: The monstrous dragon roars causing the nearby mountains to shake and shatter. Human Warlock: I throw the bag of pebbles I have been holding into its mouth. Alien DM: Really? That’s it? Human Warlock: I also despell the shrinking charm I had placed on the pebbles. Alien DM: Wait, they were shrunk? Alien DM: What was their original size? Human Warlock: Boulders. Human Warlock: They were the size of boulders. Alien DM: *Defeat sigh* Alien DM: *Rolls dice and fails again* Alien DM: The pebbles rapidly expand in the dragon’s throat, suffocating the dragon and killing it. Human Warlock: I roll to skin the dragon! Alien DM: Of course you do. ----------------------------------------- Alien DM: What is the point of having these elaborate boss fights if you keep killing them with simple spells? Human Rogue: Well, you can always say it is not allowed. Alien DM: Wait, what? Human Paladin: Yeah; you can say if something is allowed or not. Human Paladin: The DM has that kind of power. Alien DM: I DO!?!?!?!?!!? Human Warlock: Wait……what do you think DM stands for? Alien DM: It stands for something? Human Wizard: “Dungeon” “Master” Alien DM: 0_0
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harrowharkwife · 4 months
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thinking thoughts about how nona was so obsessed with crown, and crown specifically- not coronabeth. crown, with her boots and her cargo pants and her guns and her hair tied back, with all her charm and strength, all her rage and determination.
was that really just nona? or, walk with me here- is there a chance that that was actually alecto, too, bleeding through and rising to the surface?
alecto, seeing a kind of kinship in crown- in this big, tall, strong blonde with a sword strapped to her back, hot and lovely and kind and awful and powerful and perfect. this woman who refuses to give up- on her sister, on saving jody, on BOE's resistance. who's unafraid to throw one hell of a tantrum, if it means being listened to, for once. crown, who everyone thinks of as dumb, who everyone underestimates, who no one ever takes as seriously as they should, even though she's clearly capable of plenty of atrocities in her own right. this woman who's been described over and over again as someone who positively radiates life, and energy, and vitality, and strength. this woman who wanted nothing more than the chance to be herself, to be free, to serve as cavalier and guardian and protector, but was instead sentenced at birth to a life of being a princess and wearing dresses and looking pretty and loving less and staying out of the way and keeping her mouth shut and playing second fiddle to a necromancer obsessed with power and glory. familiar, no? this woman who was betrayed, left behind, left alone, and left utterly in the dark by the one person who's supposed to love her the most- only to then be told that being abandoned was in her best interest, really, for her own safety.
thinking about all the times we've seen ianthe insult crown's intelligence and praise her beauty in the same breath. you big dumb bimbo, what can you do? of all the times we've seen ianthe fussing over crown's appearance. thinking of the sister-lyctor makeover-montage ahead of dios apate minor, and how harrow hated every second of it, and how ianthe treated it like nostalgic second nature. thinking about the third house: fucked-up planet gossip-girl with all its betrayal and espionage and flesh magic and debauchery, three for the gleam of a jewel or a smile. thinking about the pressure that must have come with keeping up the double-necromancer ruse, about ianthe having successfully played the part of two necromancers from the age of six. exactly how much practice must that have taken? thinking about the casual, automatic, possessive, offhanded, violating nature of ianthe playing god and giving harrow a full head of fast-growing hair without asking, without even telling her, just to make harrow prettier, just to piss her off, just because she could. how she did it so easily, and without hesitation, almost as though she's maybe done that sort of thing before.
thinking about preservation. about a perfect body frozen in ice for a myriad, about ianthe spending all her downtime on the mithraeum figuring out how long she can keep an apple core in perfect stasis before the rot sets in.
thinking about corpse puppeting: a deceased world leader here, a trusted cavalier and friend you've known from the cradle there. about i picked you to change, and this is how you repay me? about she took babs. and who even cares about babs? babs! she could have taken me!
thinking about alecto, and hollywood hair barbie, and you have made me a hideousness.
thinking about crown, who's by her own admission boobs and hair and talk and a hell of a swordhand.
thinking about something as simple as stud earrings, and about how much grief ianthe gave her for daring to wear them.
nona loved crown.
something tells me that alecto might, too.
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yuri-is-online · 4 months
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Been brainrotting lately and now I present to you what I think is an underused story beat for Yuu. What if “Yuu” isn’t even the prefect’s real name?
Considering that Yuu’s first experience in Twisted Wonderland is waking up in a coffin, wandering around an obviously foreign place, and being questioned by a suspicious man in a crow mask surrounded by people in black hooded robes… I just think most people would not give their real name in such a sketchy situation.
Fast forward to when Yuu is more comfortable with the cast and there is both comedy and angst potential here. On one hand, the reactions to the deception could be pretty funny. (Cue a “woe is me” from Crowley. Of course he can’t find a way home for you when he doesn’t have your real name!) On the other, this could be a great way of exploring the prefect having a crisis. Yuu already lost so much in being taken to Twisted Wonderland, and now in a way even the prefect’s name has been taken.
What do you think?
waking up in a coffin, wandering around an obviously foreign place, and being questioned by a suspicious man in a crow mask surrounded by people in black hooded robes…
Annon, annon, annon, when you put it like that it sounds like Yuu woke up in the middle of a cult ritual of some sort. Which I suppose if you were an edgy Night Raven student idia you might argue that the enrollment ceremony totally is as an excuse not to go
But to be more serious, I have seen a few memes about this concept and I like it a lot σ( ̄、 ̄=) It's a fun character concept, it's not everyday you get a chance to re-invent yourself completely.
That being said, just based off of the few dialogue options Yuu has at the start, I think Yuu is implied to believe that they are dreaming:
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Which honestly doesn't make this idea any less valid. If you're dreaming about waking up in the middle of some weird necromancer's rite, why not give him a fake name? It's not meant to be serious anyway. Just go with the flow and hope things don't get too weird (and get offended when your dream doesn't give you magic powers) until it's too late and you realize everyone thinks your name really is that bad joke you made.
If you want to get darker, maybe Yuu really did think they died. A black carriage pulling a coffin really only goes to a funeral, and death has been depicted as an unmanned coach with black horses. Maybe Yuu is only just coming to grips with the fact that they really are alive when they see Riddle overblot and he hurts them. Maybe they now are sitting next to two people who have started to think about them as a friend, a really close one. Maybe they think Yuu is really brave because they charged headlong into danger without a second thought, and won, twice now. Maybe Yuu cries themselves to sleep that night because in a way... you died so yuu could live.
As for reactions, Crowley and the other staff members I think would be the most dramatic, followed by Adeuce and Grim. Jack I can see accepting your reasons and not thinking too hard about it, maybe even respecting your survival instincts, while Epel... well he says he's mad but mostly he's just concerned. He knows what it feels like to have two dueling parts of yourself and trying to find the middle ground. Ortho would be excited, you have a secret identity just like a magical girl/super sentai/anime idol/superhero take your pick really. He certainly doesn't mind getting to know you all over again.
Sebek screams at you for being a threat to Wakasama but it's clear to everyone who actually knows him that he's really just worried about the amount of stress you put on yourself. He would hate for you to have the same issues with self loathing he does. And Malleus? Well he lied to you about who he was because he was worried you would be afraid, even though you didn't know he existed. It would be very petty for him to hold a grudge against you for doing the same.
In general I think this would be something the others would have an easier time understanding as opposed to Yuu's sense of alienation or loneliness at not having magic. Identity issues are common themes in fiction, so I could see them actually seeing it as a problem as opposed to an abstract problem like no government papers (since these kids with one obvious exception don't do taxes.) But it would make for a great way to explore the prefect having a crisis just as you say, in a way it's the perfect example for every problem they might have with being in Twisted Wonderland.
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y-rhywbeth2 · 5 months
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D&D Vampire Lore Dump #4
Weaknesses and Cures Featuring that pesky sunlight problem, and how to get around it. Overview of other limitations and weaknesses of their condition (running water, invitations, etc) and how to get around those, vampires being extremely annoying to kill and how to make them stay dead, and the four ways I know of that can cure vampirism.
OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER FOR FIRST TIME READERS: D&D is decades old, spans five editions, several settings and hundreds of writers. One guy establishes a piece of lore, and then the next picks it up goes "nah" and writes something else. I collected info from four different source books, all from different editions, which naturally don't entirely agree on how vampires work. Lore never stays consistent and may contradict itself. You may see information somewhere else from a source I don't have that contradicts what I wrote here. If you read this and like some of this stuff but not other bits, take the good and ditch the rest. Larian themselves have not written BG3 totally compliant with some established D&D lore or the original games. If you want canon to work a certain way in your headcanons/fanfic, go ahead.
Feeding | "Biology" | Hierarchy | Weaknesses and Cures | Psychology
Sunlight is basically instant death and will kill vampires within moments of touching their bare skin. Even if vampires can walk in sunlight, vampires can't access their abilities while the sun is still in the sky. A sunstone, if left in the sunlight to "charge" take on an energy that will rebuff vampires with an effect much like sunlight exposure (but weaker) if they attack an individual wearing/holding the gemstone. This disorients them, cuts them off from many of their powers and inflicts a small amount of damage.
There are ways that allow vampires to walk in sunlight, although their powers will be disabled during daylight hours.
Liquid Night is a vampire sunscreen that will protect the wearer from sunlight.
Clearly, going off of BG3, the Netherese had magic that could do it. (Netheril, according to one story, was an empire whose initial magical foundation was specifically the school of necromancy, under the guidance of the priests of Jergal/Withers)
Fiends are happy to take/destroy your soul in exchange for the ability to walk in the day, as the Greater Vampire creating succubi can attest.
Vampires grow more powerful with age. One of those ways used to include that they became increasingly resistant to sunlight with age, and by the time they were 1000 years old they were fully immune to it. After almost two centuries of undeath, Astarion may be strong enough to avoid immediate death and this may be why he doesn't burn to a crisp immediately when the netherbrain dies.
Necromancers can create enchanted objects that protect vampires from the sun. One example being the Cloak of Dragomir in BG2.
They can also just keep to the shade or wear clothes that provide enough shelter to keep the sunlight from touching them. A deep hood or a parasol can help.
Vampires don't usually consider such things worthwhile, as they don't see much point if they lose their powers. They generallyhave no desire to be in the sunlight for its own sake as most vampires instinctually hate sunlight.
Vampires instinctually recoil from mirrors and hesitate to step in front of them. This hesitation will typically pass in seconds or moments. In 1e they had reflections, but their reflection turned the hypnotic properties of their gaze back at them or at least, they thought it could. After that they lost the reflections, and it's thought that the absence causes an instinctual distress for the remnants of the vampire's human psyche (reminding them that they're an accursed dead thing who's lost everything).
In a similar manner to their lack of reflection, vampires also do not cast shadows upon their surroundings.
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Vampires who don't rest in/on their dirt-bed (usually a grave or coffin, sometimes a bed with a mattress stuffed with the appropriate type of soil) are destroyed. A vampire that can't get to its sanctuary before sunrise is utterly screwed. They tend to have multiple safe havens with prepared resting places, just in case. Vampires who will be traveling sometimes use a bag of holding, essentially taking their grave with them.
Some have suggested that the dirt dependency is actually just superstition and a vampire can sleep wherever it wants, but nobody's successfully convinced a vampire to take the risk of testing that.
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As said previously, vampires are healed by negative/necrotic energy and harmed by positive/radiant energy (including heal spells)
Holy symbols can repel them, but the specifics can vary based on source. On the one hand there's one that says that the faith and belief in the holy symbol is what gives it power, and on the other there's one that says that the symbol is only useful in the hands of a priest. Only the symbols of Good and Neutral aligned deities have repelling properties. Evil clerics can still try to Command Undead however (the evil variant of Turn Undead - instead of repelling/destroying the undead you seize control of them.)
In terms of clerics and paladins attempting to Command/Turn Undead, vampires are susceptible to it, but are also the most resistant of undead, so it's difficult and risky.
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Vampires are repulsed by garlic - it doesn't harm them and can't keep them at bay forever, but a vampire will hesitate before approaching. Some vampires also randomly develop other "allergies". Salt, rose petals, rice, mistletoe, lilies, small children singing, dove feathers… could be anything, really. It's generally linked to the individual vampire's own personality and beliefs. If they believe it should repel them then it may have warding powers against them.
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Vampires will dissolve in bodies of running water like rivers or the ocean, because the running water forces them to turn into mist and washes them away. However, running water's only a problem if they're immersed in it. They can fly over it (be that with the fly spell or by shapeshifting into a bat), be carried over (bodily carried by a person, or in a boat, or by bridge, whatever) or use the water walk spell and just walk across like a basilisk lizard.
They are however, blocked from crossing a body of running water over three feet wide in mist form, for some reason. There's no answer for this, but I'd guess the vampire cloud picks up water particles and grows heavier, eventually sinking onto the water or something...?
At least 3/4 of the vampire's body must be submerged for it to count as immersion - and it must include the entire torso (the heart in particular must be below the water). The vampire must be held under for three minutes. It doesn't exactly kill them, but as their body is now thousands of particles distributed through the waterways, unable to reform, the vampire is effectively gone for good.
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Vampires are also extremely annoying to kill. They can only be damaged with enchanted weapons or weapons plated with silver.
Upon death their body turns to mist and they return to their resting place, where they reform their physical body but are rendered vulnerable. A vampire can be paralysed by piercing their heart with a wooden stake... and then, sometimes, you get the unusual ones who need to be staked with a specific wood...! Once they've returned to their coffin the body must be damaged enough to be considered destroyed. Decapitation is a favourite method, but the main point is just to inflict as much damage on them as possible. Vampires begin to regenerate once they return to their coffin, and need to be dealt with quickly, hence the stake to pin them down while you start hacking them apart. Luckily for their would-be-killers they often wake up disoriented.
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Vampires can't enter houses, or holy sites of residence like monasteries without permission, and can't enter sanctified graveyards of religious organisations. They can't enter temples, as these count as the residences of the deity worshipped there. A guest cannot invite somebody in, the invitation must come from a permanent resident.
Unless the owner of the house is the one who extends the invite, the invite only counts as a one time offer and the vampire needs to be invited again once it leaves the premise - so you can get invited in by a child, but for the ability to come and go as they please, a vampire needs permission from the parents/guardians in charge of the family and house. An invitation taken through use of enchantment magic or just plain coercion counts as a legitimate invitation.
They can also just take a third option and find a way to kill everyone inside from afar and then just walk through the door once there's nobody left alive to own the property. Also if the building no longer exists, for whatever reason (like if it mysteriously burns down), then they don't need an invite to get to whatever's inside. Or buy the building - if the vampire legally owns the house, and the residents are their tenants, then the vampire does not need an invite.
Public areas, inns, public graveyards and non-residential buildings do not count. Vampires can come and go as they please here.
Other people's graves can also count as privately owned residence upon which the vampire cannot intrude, hilariously. The final resting place of the deceased counts as belonging to them - providing they received burial rites. Vampires can however just animate the corpse and have it leave, at which point it ceases to be a resting place and they can do what they like. It's not stated whether they can also use speak with dead to ask permission.
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There are four ways off the top of my head to cure vampirism. Most of them aren't cheap:
Firstly is the wish spell, which can be used to cure vampirism in one of two ways:
Using the spell to rewrite reality. You force reality to bend to your will and turn the vampire into a living being. Using wish this way is extremely taxing on the caster and may harm them permanently. They will basically be bedridden for a given amount of time and there's something around a one in three chance that you'll never be able to cast the spell again.
In its 5e variant, wish can replicate the effect of any spell below 8th level (including resurrection) while ignoring all the requirements of the spell itself.
Next up is divine intervention. Deities can remove vampirism, though the extent and conditions may be limited by their portfolio.
Amaunator (the ancient Netherese sun god, precursor to Lathander) had a temple over in Amn. You have to take the vampire and the heart of the vampire who turned them to the statue of the ancient sun god in an abandoned temple, place the vampire in the arms of the statue with the heart and it completes a ritual that restores them to life. This was part of a quest in Baldur's Gate 2 where your love interest (who may have been Jaheira) was turned into a vampire and needed curing.
Eldath, a minor goddess of peace, has also been known to restore some level of mortal life to unhappy vampires.
And then resurrection spells. The time limit on resurrection exists because when calling a soul back to its body there are numerous obstacles.
The body needs to be in a state fit to go on living. If it's too damaged or decayed putting the soul back is a waste of time.
The soul must be both willing and able to return. It has to still exist, to start with. If the soul has a new life it probably can't be recovered (be that by being sent back to the material plane for reincarnation in another life, or remade as a fiend or celestial). If the soul has been absorbed by their deity or into the fabric of the planes it can't be recovered. If the soul has been destroyed then you're shit out of luck.
The longer the target has been dead, the more likely the above scenarios are true and that the spell will fail. Also restoring a body and calling a soul from across the planes is extremely powerful, taxing magic that's hard to pull off, which makes it harder to succeed. Hence the time limit.
Vampires have the advantage that their body is perfectly preserved and intact and the soul is still on the material plane, and there's an argument to be made that this makes them resurrect-able.
Greater vampires are not resurrect-able as their soul is either annihilated or has been taken to the Lower Planes and tortured until the person has been turned into one of two varieties of barely sentient blobs of rancid flesh trapped in eternal agony. Wish may still work, but it may have a 50/50 chance of failure.
There's also the elven High Magic spell Gift of Life, which as it says on the tin, restores an undead being back to life. The catch with this one is that knowledge of high magic is dying out, so finding an elven archmage who can and will cast it on you is extremely difficult and probably involves a lot of favours and proving yourself.
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bitchesgetriches · 3 months
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Outside your usual scope of questions but seems well within Piggy's wheelhouse nonetheless:
Do you have any recommendations for good cyberpunk books that are a little lighter on the breasting boobily? Have enjoyed Snow Crash, Neuromancer, Altered Carbon... But if I have to read about another woman titting down the stairs I'll scream.
Don't want to out my alt, so will send this anon but still sign this;
- Mom 💖
Hi Mom! We love you!
As for cyberpunk... I actually kind of hated Neuromancer so I'm not sure how much you'll enjoy my recommendations. But as I tend to shut down any book that has women breasting boobily and titting about their day... here's what I've got, beloved Mom:
All the Birds in the Sky by Charlie Jane Anders (a little more magical realism than cyberpunk)
Hummingbird Salamander by Jeff VanderMeer
Autonomous by Annalee Newitz (my second favorite of the list)
Recursion by Blake Crouch
88 Names by Matt Ruff (not my favorite of his, but it's kind of what Ready Player One should've been)
The Word Exchange by Alena Graedon (my favorite of the list)
And this isn't technically cyberpunk, but everyone should read Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. It's about lesbian necromancers in space.
And for anyone wondering how Anon became our official Bitches Get Riches Mom... join our Patreon to find out!
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