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callmearcturus · 3 days

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Paradise Killer is 6 dollars on Steam until May 16 and I am here to hard sell you all on it because it's one of the best games I've ever played.

I'm gonna go beyond giving you a bunch of punchy keywords and telling you it's queer as hell and making meme-y jokes, and I'm going to actually tell you what this game is.

So top-level, WHAT IS PARADISE KILLER?

Mechanically, Paradise Killer is an open-world murder mystery. There is zero combat but a lot of exploration of a very unique location. The majority of your time is going to be walking about Paradise 24, looking for people to discuss the case with and for clues that are scattered around the world.

One of the most interesting concepts in Paradise Killer that is both mechanical and narrative is deciding What Is Your Truth? What Is A Truth And What Is A Fact? From the moment you start the game proper, you can turn 180 degrees and begin the trial and decide who the killer is, before talking to anyone about the case.

For example, getting into the actual crime scene takes a lot of puzzle solving to unlock the sealed room where the victims were killed. But maybe instead of examining the crime scene, you talk to everyone on the island and think you have a good idea of what happened.

Meaning: It is perfectly valid to decide you have the answer to the mystery and just go complete the trial whenever you personally are ready. YOU decide when this ends.

Which frankly I think is a cool-as-fuck concept. Also, I fully believe if three different people find EVERY CLUE and talk to EVERY SUSPECT and hear EVERY PIECE OF EVIDENCE.... they might decide on three different truths entirely. And THAT to me is ingenious mechanical design I have not seen anywhere else in a video game.

Okay let's stop burying the lede and talk about the world of Paradise Killer.

The non-batshit version:

Paradise Killer takes place on a big, beautiful island, the 24th Paradise. The architecture is a delightful mix of black obsidian obelisks, brutalist monuments, opal crystals to slumbering alien gods, garden paths, luxury yachts, and a whole lot of gold and neon.

Neo-occultist urban residential vaporwave-core. If you are like me, you will be taking a lot of screenshots. My wallpaper on my computer is Paradise Killer.

Your interactions with the cast are done in visual novel-style, though I feel I have to shout out this isn't your stock Ren'py UI experience. Every single aspect of the way the game looks compounds the vibes even further.

And the characters are infuckingcredible.

(Notice the different font? This game has A FUCKTON OF ACCESSIBILITY OPTIONS, including dyslexic font options.)

Sammy Day Break, born under the sign of Shadow Zero, is the local distillery and bartender for the Syndicate. Talk to him about what's unique about the whiskey he's made on Paradise 24, or about the good old days of the Syndicate.

Is Doctor Doom Jazz, born under the sign of Cosmic Deceit, really that carefree about what happened? Is his willingness to rekindle his fling with Lady Love Dies just a diversion to hide something? Well, he's one of the most cooperative witnesses on the Island.

Crimson Acid has been through a helluva lot since the last time she saw Love Dies. Blessed by the gods with her stunning rack (of horns! OF HORNS!), she's become quite the idol now. So why is she also an information broker? And can you figure out what her true feelings for Love Dies are?

Between all of these conversations, you can explore the island and collect RELICS and BLOOD CRYSTALS (the local currency) and CITY POP SONGS.

Okay so the Slightly Batshit Version:

Shinji: The Syndicate worships alien gods who want to drown the world in war and blood. Lady Love Dies: I don't see how that makes us the bad guys.

You are LADY LOVE DIES, born under the sign KISS ME TO THE MOON, the INVESTIGATION FREAK. She was exiled to the Idle Lands several cycles ago for falling prey to the seduction of the god Damned Harmony and endangering the entire Syndicate. Only now, with the death of the Council on the eve of Paradise 25, is Love Dies summoned back to solve the murder.

The Syndicate are a group of functionally immortal humans from all across history who are trying to create the perfect bubble of reality, their utopic Paradise where they can safely revive their dead gods. They were granted many powers and boons by their first god, Silent Goat, and hope through rescuing more gods they will grow in power.

How do you create a bubble of reality to do all this totally ethical shit? Easy! You abduct a bunch of normie humans to live on your island to use as a mass sacrifice to generate energy to fuel the creation of each Paradise. If only the outsiders would stop getting in the way!

Paradise Killer's world is delightfully out of its goddamn mind and half of the fun of the game is just picking up little nuggets of information about each member of the Syndicate, the gods, why each Paradise failed (there was an outbreak of vampirism that took out like three of the Paradises???), and just the way this universe works.

Okay this post is already too long but I'm begging you all to give Paradise Killer a chance. It's gorgeous, it's funny, it's mechanically really interesting, it's chill as hell, it has an incredible soundtrack,

and you should try it.

I'LL SEE YOU IN A PERFECT 25 . . .

#paradise killer #arc plays games #long post

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mytragedyperson · 2 days

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So I was reading a TCF reaction fic, I think it was Beginning of the End by who-stole-my-fries. And in that one of the Choi Hans, TCF Choi Han I think, was talking about what happened at Harris Village. And he said something like "I used to wonder how anyone could take another person's life. After that [the assassination of Harris Village], I realised how blind I'd been". Something along those lines.

What a line. What a line to have in a fanfiction. What a line to have Choi Han, the protagonist of The Birth of a Hero, the hero of a story and a hero in this world too, say. And it doesn't really matter which Choi Han said it, because it was referring to an event they both experienced, so we can assume that they both had this realisation.

This somewhat but not really links to an interesting theme among Cale and his friends and family. Because they are heroes, they're saving their world and other worlds and saving people. But none of them are completely pure or morally white. They all have, can and will do evil sadistic things to the people who hurt those they care about and put them in danger and they won't feel remorse for it. They have no qualms about killing or torturing or getting revenge. Because, yes, they're saving the world, but one of their main motivations, main reasons for doing this, is each other, to keep each other safe, to protect each other, to get revenge on behalf of each other. They only do those things to evil people, villains, but it's so interesting, because I feel like if you put them in other worlds, not their story but other stories, they'd be seen as vigilantes or even, in worlds with black and white morality, villains.

And I always think that's really cool. When a story doesn't have that black and white morality, when the heroes have to do "bad" thongs to win. Because really what's the alternative? They don't kill or torture people, they let them live, imprison them or something. Considering some of the villains are gods and others have special powers and abilities, that won't work. And these people aren't going to change their minds and suddenly abandon goals they've been working towards for decades and centuries. There is no alternative.

Or maybe there is. Realistically Venion could have simply been imprisoned, left with the knowledge that the brother he hates, the brother he thought he'd got rid of, had the position he always wanted as Marquis. But he tortured a child, a child dragon, but still a child. So is imprisonment punishment enough? I'd say no. Not for this. For abusing and torturing a child since they were born.

And that's one of the reasons I love these stories. Because there are so many stories where the villain is allowed to live at the end, hoping that justice, the system, will deal with them. But sometimes, sometimes revenge is understandable, sometimes the only way to stop the villain, is to kill them.

Choi Han wondered how anyone could kill another person. But then people came for his family, his friends everyone he knew and cared about, and he realised how blind he'd been.

Sorry, idk what this was. That one sentence or couple sentences from a fanfiction just stuck in my brain, not the exact words but the meaning. Ugh, god, I love TCF and I love fanfictions based on TCF.

#tcf #tcf novel #trash of the count's family #choi han #tcf fanfic #trash of the count's family fanfiction

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serial-serializednovelreader · 22 hours

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Nova’s Notes - DD - May 8th

That’s right, I’m deciding to give my thoughts a cheesy name because why not (also it’s late oops).

So this may be one of my favorite entires of the entire book. My first go-around it was for the mirror-yeet scene (because that’s iconic) and Dracula being The Housekeeper of all timeTM, but now it’s also one of my favorites because of how much we learn about Jonathan.

They say you learn the most about a person when they’re in crisis mode, and while I don’t always think that’s true, Stoker definitely wanted to let Jonathan’s personality shine through here.

From the first passage, he’s literally guessed that Dracula is undead. “I fear I am the only living soul here.” Sure, he might mean that he’s the only present soul, if Dracula’s left the building, but since he describes the mirror yeeting scene right after…idk, I’d like to think he knows way more than we ever gave him credit for. “Clueless Jonathan” who? Is the clueless in the room with us?

Also going back to the first sentence where he describes worrying he was getting too wordy, but now being glad he did…oof. I feel for him here. If my theory is correct that he was initially writing in a more detailed way for Mina so he could remember his travels for later…I’m sure it’s hitting him now that while it may be saving his life that he’s more detailed, it’s so twisted that something he did as a note of affection has soured. I wonder if he’s thinking about how he may never get out of this, or if that hasn’t fully hit him yet.

Moving on to everyone’s favorite mirror-yeet scene, think about how Jonathan reacts when he’s caught off guard by Dracula because he didn’t see his reflection. How would most protagonists react? Probably laugh nervously and brush it off. Attribute it to some mistake on his part, which is exactly what Jonathan does *at first*. But after, he looks at Dracula and then looks back at the mirror to confirm his suspicions are correct, which they are. It’s an interesting moment and not one I think we see often at the beginning of a horror story (I don’t consume much horror though, so correct me if I’m wrong!). Usually, a character won’t get to this level of observation until towards the middle/end, when more supernatural elements have occurred. Jonathan may have second guessed his instincts, but checking them again is what makes him more likely to survive Castle Dracula.

Plus, when Dracula makes a move to attack him, his first instinct is to dodge the attack, showing that he’s not just going to freeze up at the first sign of trouble (which I want to emphasize isn’t a problem normally, but he is dealing with a thousands-of-years-old vampire…so, he has to be quick on his feet to survive).

Afterwards, he says he is annoyed at losing his mirror rather than disturbed, but I saw another post saying he’s repressing his panic as annoying (I’ll link it if I find it again) and I definitely think that’s true!! I can totally see that as his coping mechanism. Plus, compared to the rest of what happens for him today, it really is more of an annoyance than anything else. Would you rather your host throw away your mirror or lock you in a castle?

So after that horrific scene of terror, Jonathan is proactive in searching the castle. After finding a beautiful — but slightly horrifying landscape (you know it’s bad when he doesn’t stop to describe the view) — he decides to explore further, which leads him to figure out almost every other door is locked, including the front one to find, yep you guessed it…he’s a prisoner in the castle.

As I imagine most people would, at first he reacts by frantically running around trying to open locked doors like “a rat does in a trap.” The fact that he admits this in his diary (and, by extension to Mina/us) is admirable because it already shows he’s not afraid to be open about his emotions, even if it makes him look weak (which — unfortunately, he would, considering the time period). Most heroes of this period were expected to accept their fates with stoic determination, but that’s not human and that’s not how Jonathan is, either. We’ve already seen that he’s more open-minded than most English men by accepting the crucifix even if he doesn’t understand it and of course the way he shows his love for Mina is atypical for Victorian men as well. Most men wouldn’t go to the trouble of writing down descriptive notes just to recount it for the benefit of his fiancée later. It’s sad, but true.

Once he’s able to regulate himself a bit, it’s time for thinking and strategy, determining that he needs all of his wits to get through this! Once he sees that the Count does the cooking AND the cleaning, though, is when my love for Jonathan reaches an all-time high. He comes to a series of conclusions most protagonists don’t figure out until the end of a novel after way more obvious clues have been laid out for him and it’s only his 3rd day of being in the castle!! They go as follows:

A) Dracula = servants

B) Dracula = driver

C) Dracula = control wolves

D) Villager’s concern/gifts = this is worse than I thought

E) Crucifix = actual help?

F) Get Dracula to talk about himself (not hard) = find more information, but not in an obvious way

I also love that he questions his own biases about the crucifix he was given!!!! When else do you see an Englishman do that in the 1890s of his own volition (aka without someone snarkily telling him to - see BBC’s Dracula if you want an example). I certainly haven’t!

He also noticed that Drac talked about his “ancestors” as if he had been present for their battles (hmm wonder why that is). Hasn’t quite figured it out yet, but there’s evidence that he doesn’t write something down as a fact until he knows it is a fact, so perhaps we’ll see him write more on this later.

Final thought - his reference to Arabian Nights and Hamlet is significant and tragic, but also relatable. I too like to relate my life to my favorite blorbos, Jonathan!

All in all, we learned that Jonathan is very good in a crisis. He’s not stoic like most protagonists of his time period, but he is instead strategic and observant, willing to play the part of oblivious to keep himself alive another day and keep Dracula’s trust. This is likely what’s keeping him alive right now, as an aggressive approach would get him killed. Dracula is all about playing with his prey and keeping the illusion of benevolent host and willing guest — it’s a game of control for him. Breaking this game would mean it’s no fun and no fun would mean Jonathan is no longer needed….

While I know how this story goes, I’m as excited as first time readers to see how Jonathan plays what is, essentially, 4D chess with Dracula!

#dracula daily #dracula #jonathan harker #may 8th #sorry this took so long #I kept rewriting this #my poor friend Jonathan Harker just wanted to enjoy his business trip #novas notes #long post #cw violence mention

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clairedaring · 2 days

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more my stand-in ep 3 thoughts and ming

i promise i have ONE last thing to say about ming's portrayal in ep 3 of my stand-in. but like in the writers defense, so much time has passed since ep 2?

if you take passing time into account, for me it does make sense for ming to be so domestic and somewhat sweet with joe, playing house with him for quite a while. the events of the first two eps happen within like one-two weeks and assuming ming graduated in the middle of the year, by the time christmas rolled around they'd have been with each other for like 6 months?

i think ming in ep.3 is just isn't living up to the toxic guy of everyone's imagination but what reason would ming have to be super mean to joe in this episode though? in ep. 1 he did say that usually he's not very mean his fwb.

every time he's been mean to joe, it's something to do with tong... or he feels threatened by his love rival, sol.

so even though they're "not boyfriends", for me ep.3 was that 'calm before the storm' period for ming where he's gradually accepted that he could be happy with just tong's substitute, because his sexual fantasies are already satisfied through sex with joe.

the status quo isn't really that bad so really other than a few remarks once in a while to put joe in his place and to remind joe that they are definitely NOT boyfriends, why would ming be unreasonably mean to joe?

i do in fact think that if ming didn't expose himself, ming and joe could have just been living happily and quietly because his crying scene when tong got engaged to may, felt more like closure for ming rather than him actually having any residual feelings for tong.

ming is not a bad kid... you can see how he put his family first, going to study abroad hoping that his feelings for tong would one day go away while his sister dates tong. so ming doesn't really have that evil antagonist aura the way tong does (that man is pure evil). ming is just very misguided and a bit entitled at times (understandably so considering his background). but in ep. 3 you get a glimpse of how ming is not as inconsiderate as he first appears and that once sol and tong are out of his mind, he can actually be somewhat considerate of joe's feelings and reciprocate the nice gestures joe do for him.

while ming is a manipulative male lead, i wouldn't say his actions in the current timeline are what i would characterize as manipulative but rather things he does with joe 2.0 to rope joe 2.0 back in his orbit is what i would consider as manipulative (which you will JUST HAVE TO STAY TUNE FOR).

#my stand in the series #up poompat #my stand in #sighs i have no incoherent thoughts #i just felt that ming's “softness” just made sense when it seems like it didn't for many others #not defending the series or anything #mingjoe #i just enjoyed this ep a lot and was surprised by how others were perplexed by ming's shift of demeanors #msi thoughts #my writings

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words-in-starless-skies · 1 day

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Tell Him That His Lonesome Nights Are Over

I've been cooking again today.

Ship: Bucktommy / Kinley Summary: Tommy has a nightmare. Buck wants to help.

Buck opens his eyes and finds himself surrounded by total darkness.

He blinks in confusion, floating in that surreal state between almost-sleep and awakeness. Before he can even wonder about what woke him up, a noise cuts through the silence and he freezes.

It’s a whimper, followed by a soft "no". Buck frowns, then remembers, abruptly gaining clarity. Oh. He’s not in his own bed. Yesterday, it got late and he had a drink too much. That’s why for the first time, he’s in bed with …

“Tommy?”

Slowly, his eyes get used to the dark and his surroundings start to morph into actual shapes. Tommy is a blanket-covered heap beside him, breathing way too heavily for a good night’s rest. And … he whimpers again, tossing his head from side to side, the lines in his face tense and his nose scrunched up.

Buck’s chest clenches in sympathetic pain. Tommy is having a nightmare. Buck swallows. He knows you aren’t supposed to wake people up from bad dreams, but … He really can’t deal with the way Tommy is whimpering and shaking. He reaches out and puts his hand on Tommy’s shoulder, just rubbing gentle circles there. “Tommy?” He whispers.

And Buck almost startles with how fast Tommy’s eyes snap open. How fast his boyfriend sits up and looks like he’s ready to get out of bed in a second, every muscle in his body tensed up in anticipation. But then, Buck thinks, it makes sense, since Tommy was in the military.

Tommy blinks and stares at him, his eyes slowly focusing. “Evan?” he whispers hoarsely.

Buck tries to smile. “Yeah, it’s just me. Hey. Uh, sorry I woke you up, but you had a nightmare.”

Tommy looks away, sighing. His shoulders slump and he runs a hand through his tousled curls. “Sorry.”

Buck blinks. “You … You don’t have to apologize for having a nightmare. It’s not like you wanted to have one.”

Tommy shakes his head. “Still. I woke you up. I should have warned you that this happens sometimes.” He sounds … angry and resigned. And he still won’t meet Buck’s eyes.

Ok. Now Buck is confused. And horrified. Nightmares happen to everyone. Why would Tommy act like Buck should be … what? Angry? Annoyed? Now that he thinks about it, Buck vaguely remembers, that Tommy was a little hesitant - or nervous? - about Buck sleeping in his bed, but Buck thought it was because their relationship is still quite new. This feels wrong and he has the urge to do something about it. He clears his throat. “You want a glass of water?”

That does get Tommy’s attention. He stares at Buck, his brows furrowing. “Water,” he echoes, surprised.

Buck smiles. “Yeah. I’m going to get you a glass of water.” He slips out of bed. Maybe his brief absence will give Tommy an opportunity to gather himself. And hopefully, they can talk about this some more, because Buck still can't believe Tommy would think Buck is annoyed about a nightmare. He stubs his big toe two times on his way to Tommy’s kitchen, but at least the short walk clears his sleep-addled thoughts. He quickly pours himself a glass and drains it, then fills one for Tommy, going back to the bedroom with it.

Tommy is still sitting and staring into the void with a way too serious expression on his face, but he does accept the glass from Buck with a murmured “Thank you” and gulps the water down in one go.

Buck gets back into the bed and under the blanket, leaning against the headboard.

There’s a moment of silence. Then, Tommy quietly says, “I don’t sleep well. Most nights, it’s either only a few hours with a lot of interruptions - or the nightmares.”

Buck hums. He is familiar with nightmares. They suck. Especially when they feel real. He reaches out, taking one of Tommy’s hands and intertwining their fingers. “What are you dreaming about?” He asks, then adds quickly, “I mean, you don’t have to … talk about it. Only if you’re comfortable with it.”

“I dream about death,” Tommy says bluntly. “About all the times, I almost died. Or about the people I witnessed dying. Back when I was in the army, one of my friends got shot through the back while we were sitting in the helicopter. He bled out before I could land somewhere safe. Begged me to tell his mother he loves her before he never said anything again.”

“Jesus,” Buck breathes. He squeezes Tommy’s hand. “I’m so sorry.”

Tommy nods, his gaze distanced and haunted. “Almost died like three or four times already. And when I close my eyes, my brain decides to dig out all the memories I tried to bury. I was hoping tonight they would leave me alone, but well. As you witnessed, sleeping with me can be difficult …”

“Tommy, it didn’t bother me. It’s a completely natural thing …”

“Tell that to the guy who said he isn’t comfortable staying with a grown man who whines and whimpers and sobs in his sleep,” Tommy says dryly and Buck flinches, instant rage making him scowl. “What an asshole. You’re better off without him!”

Tommy chuckles, his eyes flickering over Buck's scrunched-up face and softening. “Look at you. You’re cute.” Then, he yawns, glancing at the clock on the night table. “It’s almost morning. You should try to get some more sleep, Evan.”

“What about you?” Buck asks, concerned. “Can you fall back asleep?”

Tommy shrugs. “Maybe. Maybe not.” His voice indicates that he believes the latter.

“Would it help, if we cuddled?” Buck asks hopefully.

“You’d want that?” Tommy asks, raising a brow in surprise. “Can … you even sleep like that?”

“Sure. Turn around,” Buck suggests and grins. “I’ll be the big spoon.”

Tommy chuckles somewhat uncertainly. But he obeys and Buck wraps his arms around him, humming at the instant warmth that spreads through his body. Yes. That’s nice. Buck closes his eyes and breathes Tommy in. He definitely could get used to this.

“Ok?” He checks. “Yeah. More than ok,” Tommy breathes. He puts one of his hands over Buck’s. “Thanks, Evan.”

And Buck does notice that his boyfriend’s voice cracks a little. He takes Tommy’s hand, holding onto it. He really hopes Tommy can sleep. He hopes he can get all the good refreshing rest he deserves. Without interruptions. Without nightmares about blood, violence or being injured.

In the lingering silence of the night, they just breathe, snuggled together. And eventually, Buck feels Tommy’s body relaxing. Can hear his breaths evening out. And to the rhythm of Tommy’s heartbeat, which he can feel underneath their intertwined hands, Buck falls asleep too.

Find it on AO3

#bucktommy #bucktommy fic #kinley #evan buckley #tommy kinard

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flower-boi16 · 1 day

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Let's Analyze and Rank Every Song in Hazbin Hotel (From a Narrative Perspective) From Worst to Best

Hazbin Hotel has a pretty good soundtrack. The songs are definitely one of the better parts of the show, they are well-sung, well-composed, and just incredibly catchy. As songs completely divorced from the context and narrative of the main show...they are really good...

...however, Hazbin Hotel is also a musical, meaning that the songs also have to play into the narrative of the show. I want to try something different in this post; here, I'm going to rank each song in Hazbin Hotel not as songs, but rather, analyzing them from a purely narrative point of view, what they do for the show's characters, plot, as well as what happens in them, factoring in the outside context and narrative of the show as well as looking directly at the lyrics.

Because, when you judge Hazbin's songs from a purely narrative standpoint & factor in the outside context of a lot of the show's writing...many of the songs begin to completely fall apart. without further ado...let's get into this ranking.

16. Hell is Forever (2/10)

A major issue with Hazbin that I've talked about a lot on this blog is how heavily black and white the show's themes are in spite of the show preaching about being against black-and-white moralities.

Charlie is always portrayed as completely in the right and anyone who remotely opposes her is portrayed as automatically in the wrong despite the fact that, her "everyone can be redeemed" mentality is just as simplistic and black-and-white as Adam's "no one can be redeemed" mentality. But the show never calls that out and only tears down Adam's ideology while portraying Charlie's mentality as completely right despite it also being just as extreme as Adam's, but the show never chooses to call that out.

Adam is also nothing but a pure straw character who only exists to be torn down by the narrative and thus can't have much real depth or nuance as a character beyond "asshole who swears a lot" (which I talked about before).

The reason why Hell is Forever is at the very bottom of the list is because the song puts those issues on full display. It exposes how black-and-white the show's theming is and how much of a strawman Adam is.

Lines like "the rules are black and white there's no use in trying to fight it" or "are they winners? are they sinners? cuz it's cut and dry" not only sound awkward from a song perspective but also sound very forced from a narrative perspective; it's shoving down the "Heaven bad" message down your through and simply shows how one-dimensional Adam is as a character, very explicitly saying "HEY LOOK HOW BAD HEAVEN IS AND HOW MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE ADAM IS!!!"

Those lyrics show Adam being a pure straw character at his worst since they no-so subtly communicate the idea of "Heaven bad" in a way that's forced and awkward. Those aren't the only lyrics that show this, as there is the verse where Adam says "There's the question of fun (fun) and for those of us with divine ordainment...extermination is entertainment!".

It insinuates that the exterminations are purely a game to Adam and the exorcists and they do it because it's fun, which does no favors in further cementing Adam as a one-dimensional pure straw character.

Ultimately, while Hell is Forever exposes how black-and-white Heaven's way of thinking is, the song also exposes how black-and-white and simplistic the show's own themes and messages are, making it the worst the song in the entire show from a narrative point of view.

15. Out for Love (3/10)

Out for Love, like Hell is Forever, puts one of the show's major writing issues on full display and ends up even validating it in-universe. Out for Love’s entire premise as a song is that Vaggie needs to fight for her loved ones (specifically Charlie) rather than just for vengeance. This works fine enough until you start factoring in outside context within in the narrative.

First of all, Carmilla says that Vaggie is "driven by her detestation" and is fighting for pure vengeance….but she isn’t. Vaggie was never thirsting for vengeance at all, she always thought for Charlie, one of the lines in Whatever It Takes literally says that Vaggie will be Charlie’s armour, as in, she’ll try and protect her no matter what.

So Vaggie was never driven by vengeance in the first place so this song’s message doesn’t make much sense. Oh, but I haven’t even gotten to what this song means for Vaggie as a character.

The main issue with Vaggie as a character throughout the show is how she is heavily defined by Charlie, not just that "she doesn't get developed beyond being Charlie's girlfriend", no, I mean EVERY SINGLE major character moment Vaggie has is tied to Charlie in some way.

Out for Love accentuates that issue, being Vaggie's second big character moment where she has to fuel herself with the desire to protect Charlie, to fight for Charlie and ONLY Charlie. The song even confirms that Vaggie is defined by Charlie in-universe with the line "Fuel yourself with the fear of losing that somebody who's you reason to live".

Vaggie can't exist without Charlie. She can only be Charlie's partner and girlfriend. She is only defined by Charlie. She is just "Charlie's girlfriend". All of her character moments revolve being a good girlfriend to Charlie and defending her.

Out for Love while having a good message on paper ends up putting of the show's major issues on full display like Hell is Forever and the message flat out validates an issue with the show.

14. Whatever it Takes (3/10)

Whatever it Takes has a similar problem to Out for Love in terms of what it does for Vaggie as a character. It, like the former song, it keeps on pushing the idea of Vaggie being solely defined by Charlie, as Vaggie's verse in this song is purely about her singing about how much she wants to protect Charlie and the best girlfriend to her.

Again, it has a solid enough message on paper (singing about how you'll do anything to protect your loved ones) but in the context of the rest of the series this only further damages Vaggie as a character and further cements Vaggie as just "Charlie's girlfriend".

This song is intended to be a major character moment for Vaggie, but the problem is that character is tied directly to Charlie. Again, Vaggie's big character moments revolve around Charlie in some way, making her whole character tied to Charlie.

The song also has other problems with Vaggie directly tied to the lyrics. The lyric "It felt so good to be understood" is pretty weird to me, because how did Charlie make Vaggie feel understood? How did Charlie understand Vaggie in anyway? Since when was Vaggie being misunderstood apart of her character? Because it never was.

The song is also supposed to be a big emotional ballad for Carmilla, where she sings about her motivations for why she killed the angel, that being she wanted to protect her family and do whatever it took....

....which would've been impactful if Carmilla wasn't a character introduced in this same episode that the show barely does much of anything to get you to care about. We haven't gotten to know Carmilla much as a character so this whole moment feels unearned and unimpactful.

Whatever It Takes, like Out for Love has a sweet enough message on paper, but factoring the outside context of the show's writing damages the song significantly.

13. Finale (3/10)

Finale has a similar problem to You Didn't Know (which I'll cover later) in how despite being this grand, big musical number, it feels empty and hollow.

The first verse has Charlie mourning over Pentious' death which would've been fine if his death wasn't played as a joke in the same episode right before the episode then instantly treated it like a big moment. Then the verse further shows how hollow this song feels when Lucifer says that Charlie was the "first one to change this town" and how she helped everyone grow into better people and "touched their hearts"

....except she didn't. Lucifer, please tell me, how did Charlie remotely change Hell in the slightest? Sure, she proved that sinners can become better people, but this line implies that Charlie made a difference in Hell and changed it to be a better place in some way...when she didn't. She never "changed" Hell as a whole. And the part where Lucifer sings about how Charlie "helped the sinners become better people & grow" doesn't feel impactful because we never saw that growth happen.

Characters singing about how much they've grown doesn't work when we never saw that growth actually happen. The song wants to be this grand number about how Charlie helped souls improve as people but it falls flat within the context of the story because we never saw this process of Charlie helping Pentious and Angel to become better people, rather the show just completely skips over that.

Then the characters start singing about how they'll rebuild the hotel and make it even better than before to cheer Charlie up...

...why are they still trying the hotel after Heaven REJECTED it? Seriously, Charlie's plan to convince Heaven FAILED, there isn't much of a point to still continuing the hotel at this point since they KNOW that Heaven isn't going to accept it. They know they can't get sinners in Heaven because Heaven's rules are bullshit.

Oh, and this is not the only part of the song that doesn't make any sense in the context of the story, as then there's the V's singing about a power gap in Hell...that didn't happen, yet they act as if the extermination happened all across Hell when it was only toward the hotel and everything else was completely unaffected. How are overlords "hanging by a thread" exactly???

The final verse is then this grand final chorus about how they'll "be better" and redeem themselves and all I can feel is just...nothing. Because the show never earned this grand big final moment to make it feel impactful.

Finale is intended to be this grand final song about how much the characters have grown but it all feels empty and hollow because the show didn't do anything to actually earn this moment at all. I feel nothing when I listen to this song. Absolutely, nothing.

12. You Didn't Know (4/10)

I already made a full analysis of You Didn't Know so this section won't be nearly as long as the others, but like the other songs, from a story perspective You Didn't Know feels unearned and hollow. The main issue with the song is that although it clearly TRIES and gets you to feel something...it doesn't, which is entirely because of the show's outside writing.

Though again, I've already talked about this song before in a previous post where I analyzed each verse so go read that if you want my full opinion on why the song fails from a story perspective.

You Didn't Know just feels hollow, it's this grand, big musical number that's meant to be the climax of episode 6, a song that's BEGGING you to feel something...but it doesn't.

11. Happy Day In Hell (4/10)

Happy Day in Hell serves as the very first song in the show and Charlie’s I Want song.

For older fans, it doesn't really tell you anything new about Charlie as a character and is kind of redundant as a song, it just says that Charlie is optimistic and believes anyone can be redeemed, which is something Inside of Every Demon is A Rainbow already did.

However, to newer fans who haven't seen the pilot or any supplementary material, Happy Day in Hell could serve as a good introduction to Charlie as a character can tell you a lot about her...except that the rest of Hazbin doesn't seem to be made with newer fans in mind. Overture is written as a direct continuation of the pilot, and that would be fine if the episode reintroduced the characters for newer audiences...but it doesn't. It seemingly expects you to have already watched the pilot or any other supplementary material before seeing the show, meaning that it's catering to Viv's past audience.

With that in mind, Happy Day in Hell becomes a lot more confusing. If this is supposed to be an introduction to Charlie for newer fans...why wasn't the rest of the episode written like this? And if the show is expecting you to have seen the pilot, then Happy Day in Hell becomes completely redundant since again, Inside of Every Demon is a Rainbow tells you everything this song does about Charlie as a character, and that song did it with infinitely better visuals. Sure, there's Charlie singing about how she wants to change Heaven's mind and prove them wrong etc but anyone who watched the pilot would already know that, so a song isn't really necessary.

Happy Day in Hell would have been better if the rest of the episode it was in wasn't written the way it was. With the context of how the rest of Overture is written, Happy Day in Hell just comes across as Inside of Every Demon is a Rainbow except...worse.

10. Hell's Greatest Dad (4/10)

Hell's Greatest Dad doesn't make much sense. Alastor seemingly dislikes Lucifer for some reason and starts playing up a fatherly role to Charlie purely to piss her dad off...for some reason??? I've seen Cartoonshi try to make an explanation with this:

"This is an instance of Alastor just being petty because, underneath his smile and the persona he's crafted for himself, he cares a lot about his own reputation and doesn't take it well when people don't seem to respect it or have any interest in him"

However, as Cartoonshi later points out, Alastor's first reaction to Lucifer is twitching his eyes in rage, which is BEFORE Lucifer "disrespects" Alastor's reputation, so it still seems like Alastor has some unknown beef with Lucifer for...some reason? We don't know. The song also suddenly builds a father-daughter bond with Charlie and Alastor out of nowhere...? Again, this could be Alastor just purposefully trying to piss Lucifer off but like. Why???

Hell's Greatest Dad just suffers from Lucifer and Alastor's rivalry just kinda not making much sense and rushing in a found family dynamic at the last minute.

9. More Than Anything (Reprise) (4.5/10)

More than Anything Reprise has a similar problem to Finale and You Didn’t Know where the characters sing about how much they've grown and how much Charlie helped them grow when we never see that actually happen, all of that growth happened off-screen.

A big reason why this gets annoying is because it ends up feeling a form of telling rather than showing; we're TOLD that Charlie helped the characters grow and become better, we're TOLD that Charlie changed Hell as a place, we're TOLD that she "changed the lives" and "did so much" but we NEVER SAW that. We never saw Charlie slowly help Angel and Pentious become better people, again, a majority of their arcs happen off-screen and they end up feeling rushed.

Aside from that I just care very little about this relationship. Chaggie is a pretty boring relationship with little chemistry between them so I can't really feel much from this song. It's a cute enough moment I guess but again, I don't feel very invested in this relationship.

More Than Anything Reprise while a cute moment suffers from the same issue as the past songs and I can't really feel much for it since I don't care much about this romance.

8. Ready for This (6/10)

This is where we start getting to the pretty decent songs story-wise. There isn't exactly that much wrong with Ready For This aside from how some of lyrics are...weird for Charlie as a character.

A lot of the lyrics are about Charlie "coming to her own" and "ascending to her throne" when that was never something that was apart of her character...? Aside from that most of the song is fine. It's Charlie singing about how she’s accomplishing her destiny, which is consistent with Charlie since she was also singing about her destiny in Happy Day in Hell, so there isn’t too much "characters having grand musical numbers that don’t feel earned" here, aside from the previous problem I just mentioned.

So overall, ready for this is a fine song in terms of what it does for the narrative. It has problems, but its better than the previous few songs.

7. More Than Anything (6.5/10)

More Than Anything suffers from one big issue that harms the song, mainly the final verse. Basically, Charlie just says "I need 2 save mah people" and Lucifer is just like "ok". The reconciliation is kinda rushed here, and, since this song is meant to be Charlie and Lucifer reconciling, this tanks the song quite a bit. That being said, there is stuff I like about the song.

For one, it provides decent development for Lucifer and Charlie as characters, with Lucifer singing about how he didn't want Charlie to be faced with the same crushing feeling that he faced when Heaven rejected him, showing that in spite of his flaws, he does deeply care about Charlie as her daughter. For Charlie, the song gives the information that Lucifer inspired Charlie as a child, inspiring Charlie to fight for her dreams to become a reality.

Also, while it's still rushed, the song is still a cute moment between the two, with them reconciling and Charlie being able to bring back a spark within Lucifer, with him promising that he'll support Charlie's dreams, and how he's grateful for being her father, and that Charlie is grateful for being his daughter.

While More Than Anything does still feel a bit rushed, it's still a cute moment between two characters.

6. Welcome to Heaven (7/10)

Welcome to Heaven also doesn't have much wrong with it narrative wise. It basically just serves as world-building Heaven, which is fine, and the world-building it does provide does really have any major holes in it.

Don't really have much to say here.

5. It Starts With Sorry (7/10)

It Starts With Sorry is pretty good. The song is basically about Charlie deciding that Pentious deserves a second chance, singing about how she'll take his redemption one simple step at a time, beginning with him simply saying "Sorry". She believes that any soul can be redeemed though it may take some time.

She recognizes that, Pentious isn't all bad, seeing a decent person deep down. The message of the song is sweet and there aren't any real narrative issues with it. It's actually pretty good narratively and sets up Pentious arc decently well (though that arc is rushed but hey).

4. Stayed Gone (7/10)

Stayed Gone is a pretty fun rivalry song. It's a duet between Alastor and Vox, two visceral rivals, one TV and the other radio. The song does do a good job of showing Vox's pettiness in their rivalry, with his whole cool and levelheaded facade completely shattering at the mere mention of Alastor. His whole verse is spent on how Alastor's medium is "outdated", insulting him, calling Al a "coward" and among other things. Alastor meanwhile, spends his whole verse poking fun at Vox, right before he pisses of Vox so much that he starts buffering and he ends the song on a menacing note.

Again, not much to say here, Stayed Gone is just a pretty fun song that does a good job at showing the rivalry between Vox and Alastor.

3. Poison (8/10)

Poison is a song that does its job pretty well. The song is meant to show Angel Dust's struggles at the hands of Valentino, who now owns his soul. The lyrics emphasize the direness of Angel's situation; how he's trapped at the hands of Val, slowly dying from poison he's being forced to drink, being trapped in the claws of a cruel rapist sexually abusing him for his own pleasure, constantly being tortured every single night.

He believes it's his fault for his situation, that he can only blame himself for falling to Val's lies and his deal, that he should have seen what would have happened when he made the deal with Val. And now, he's just...accepted it, believing that this is just his life now and he'll be all for Val in any way he wants him to be.

And the song ends somberly as Angel falls to the ground after the night. It defiantly does capture the struggles of someone being SA'd, and does a good job of showing the horrendous mental state Angel is in.

I know a lot of people REALLY hate the Poison sequence for apparently fetishizing SA, but I'm analyzing the song, not the stuff shown in it, and to me, I think Poison does a great job of showing Angel's horrendous mental state and struggles, and does add a lot to Angel as a character.

2. Respectless (9/10)

I used to criticize Respectless for feeling more like a conversation that the characters are singing rather than a song, and it does still kinda feel that way. However, I don't think the song is unnecessary anymore because it establishes a lot about Vellvette as a character.

The song shows Velvette being overly smug, arrogant, confident and bratty, not having any respect for the authorities higher than her, doing whatever the fuck she wants and not giving a damn about the higher authorities think, having no respect for them. But the song also demonstrates Velvette being cunning and smart, being able to tell that Carmilla is hiding something based simply on the expression of her face when she first brought the angel's head.

She instantly knows that, Carmilla might know what happened to the angel. The song displays a more developed personality for Velvette as a character in just one-minute than characters like Adam or Crimson or whoever the fuck did in multiple episodes, making Velvette one of the best antagonists in all of Hellaverse (which I talked about here). Respectless also continues this theme with Carmilla demanding that Velvette check her attitude, calling her and the Vee's "Smug wannabees who don't head when they've been warned", giving off an impression of an authority being made at the disrespect being thrown at her, which Velvette just responds by smugly saying "oops".

The song also does do a good job of furthering the plot along while doing a great job of showing off Velvette's personality. Respectless overall is a great song that furthers the plot along while telling us a lot about Velvette as a character.

1. Loser Babey (10/10)

I'm assuming y'all did not expect this song to be number one, huh? Loser Baby seems to be fairly divisive amongst viewers, a lot of people love it, others despise it. Personally, I think the song is pretty great.

A common critique that Loser Babey gets is supposedly making fun of Angel for being SA'd, and, I can see why some people may see the song that way considering the first chorus. However, it's best to factor in the verse that comes before that chorus (holy shit I'm defending HH. I am just as surprised as you are).

The first verse is Husk singing to Angel about how he's at rock bottom, the lowest point anyone can be, his life being wrecked from his deal by Val, it all looks dire and hopeless as Angel is trapped in a dark situation with no way out, believing his life to be a trash fire at this point...and Husk says that he's right! His life IS a trash fire, he IS in a dark situation, he IS at absolute rock bottom, he's a "loser", if you will. Admittedly saying he's a loser might be a bit iffy but you can still see the point; Husk is saying that Angel is completely correct, that his life is a dumpster fire where he can't try and fight back, but he says that he isn't alone in this.

Husk had a similar experience with Alastor, where, like Angel, made a deal with an overlord and lost everything, regretting that decision for the rest of his afterlife as he's trapped at the hands of Alastor, with every day of his life being torture for him now, like with Angel. Granted, Husk's situation isn't 1 to 1 the same as Angel's, but there is still a parallel with how they made bad deals with overlords that they lived to regret, how they became trapped in these deals that seemed appealing at first but worn down when the overlords showed their true colors.

And so, Husk tells Angel that, it's better to set down the walls he's built for himself, letting hope back into his life and finally having someone he can bond and relate to due to having similar experiences. He's no longer alone. His situation is still bad, but at least now, he has someone who he can bond with and help push him through his situation, and that person ended up being Husk, the last person who he thought would have gotten him to open up.

I know I'm going to get a lot of people who'll disagree with me and that's fine, but personally...Loser Baby is the best song in the whole show in terms of its narrative. It provides great character growth for Angel & Husk, does a good job of furthering their relationship, and (in my opinion), has a really sweet and beautiful message of how you aren't alone in a dire situation, and that's best to let others help you rather than sulking by yourself in the dark. You aren't alone. There are people who may have had similar experiences to you, and it's best to let them in rather than shun them away.

And the thing is; Loser Baby is not only the best song narratively, but musically, making it overall the best song in the whole show. It's one of the only songs in the show that manages it be great in both categories, like a musical show should, which is what makes this song truly stand out compared to the rest of Hazbin's soundtrack.

It's the best song in the whole show, hands down.

Conclusion

Well, that was long. In all honesty, the songs lower on the list might have been better if the writing around them was better, since that's a problem a majority of them suffer from. If Vaggie wasn't defined by Charlie, Whatever it Takes and Out for Love wouldn't be so low, and if we got to know Carmilla and Emily better, Whatever it Takes and You Didn't Know would've been more impactful.

Really a lot of the songs just suffer from being in a very mediocre and flawed show, and the reason why songs like Loser Baby and Poison were high was because the writing around them was actually good, but hey, the good ones were still able to pull through in the end. So ya, that's my ranking...bye.

#vivziepop critical #hazbin hotel critical #vivziepop criticism #hazbin hotel criticism #dear god this post got so long #I think this might dethron my stolitz post for the longest essay I've made on Viv's work

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lovetaroandtaemin · 2 days

Text

The Start of Something New?

Bang Chan x Reader

Word Count: 2,900

THIS FIC IS NSFW, MINORS DNI! If your age cannot be clearly seen on your blog you will be blocked unless I know who you are!

Warnings: Suggestive flirting, smut (fingering, dirty talk), Chan and reader are exes, possessive Chan, mentions of past cheating, mentions of past toxic relationship. If there are any warnings that you think I missed let me know!

There WILL be a part 2 to this fic. I split it up because I'm still deciding where I want the story to go, and I really wanted to post something this week.

Thank you so much to @leejenowrld for beta reading this! Your feedback was so helpful, and I really appreciate you.

Fic is under the cut.

“I promise you Chan won’t be there. He was insistent on going to the studio tonight. Please, (Y/N),” Felix pleaded. He had called you to convince you to come to the dorm for a movie night, but so far, his attempts had been unsuccessful.

“I don’t want to risk seeing him.”

“I promise you that you won’t see him. He told me that he’ll be in the studio, and when does he ever change his mind about work unless someone makes him?”

“You make a good point, his constant need to be in the studio is part of what led to us breaking up.”

“Plus, I haven’t gotten to spend time with you since you and Chan broke up! I miss hanging out with you and watching movies.”

“Alright, Lix, I’ll go.”

“Yes! Thank you, (Y/N)!” he said before hanging up the phone.

You sighed and started to get ready. Nothing crazy was planned, just a movie and some snacks, so you decided to wear something comfortable. A plain black t-shirt and leggings were perfect for a chill night with friends. You decided against makeup since this was a casual hangout, and once you had your favorite sneakers on you were out the door.

When you got to the dorm, Felix was waiting for you outside. It had been too long since you had seen him and the rest of Stray Kids. You knew it wasn’t fair, but you had been avoiding everyone since you and Chan broke up. Seeing your friend again made you smile, but your smile quickly faded as you saw the worry etched onto his face.

“What’s wrong, Lix?”

“Um, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Did something bad happen?”

“Well, no, but there’s been a slight change of plans.”

“What do you mean? Are we not watching the movie?”

“We’re still watching a movie, but Chan is here. Turns out Minho and Changbin made him stay here for the movie night. I swear I didn’t know about it when I invited you.”

“It’s ok, Lix. I figured it would happen. Binnie wants us back together, I think.”

“Are you gonna leave?”

“No, I’ve missed you and the rest of the guys too much for that. I can deal with a little bit of awkwardness for one night.”

“Awesome! Then follow me.”

The two of you entered the dorm, and the soft lighting and table full of your favorite snacks made you feel right at home. The cozy feeling only increased when you were bombarded with hugs from all of Stray Kids. Well, all of Stray Kids except Chan. He maintained a decent amount of space from the door, but you really couldn’t blame him. If the look on his face was any indication, he had been missing you. Even though you were the one that ended the relationship, you had to admit that you missed him too.

“(Y/N), where have you been?” Hyunjin asked.

“We missed you!” Jisung almost yelled.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been busy, but I’ve missed you guys too,” you said with a laugh.

Once hugs and greetings were out of the way, you took a seat between Felix and Changbin on the couch. Jisung grabbed the remote, and “My Neighbor Totoro” began to play on the TV. You leaned your head on Felix’s shoulder and started to relax as the opening played. Felix had always been your best friend in Stray Kids; it was something that frequently made Chan jealous when you were together.

Halfway through the movie you sat up and noticed that Chan had been staring at you. If looks could kill, you and Felix would surely be dead. You had to admit though that a small part of you enjoyed that you could still get that kind of reaction from him. You were slightly embarrassed by it, but you had always found it sexy when Chan was angry. Turns out you still thought it was sexy even after you two were no longer together.

You decided to distract yourself from the thoughts you were having about Chan by getting drinks for everyone. While you were in the kitchen looking for some soda, you heard someone clear their throat behind you. You turned around to see who it was, and Chan was standing in front of you. You did your best to muster a smile and asked him if he would help you carry everyone’s drinks back to the living room. He agreed, and you hoped that was the end of it.

Once everyone had their drinks, you heard Chan’s voice again. “(Y/N)? Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Oh, uh sure.” You followed him back to the kitchen, wondering what was so important. Once the two of you were alone, however, you didn’t have to wonder anymore. He told you exactly what was on his mind.

“What the fuck is going on with you and Felix? Are you two dating?”

“No, we haven’t even seen each other since you and I broke up.”

“Then why were the two of you getting all cozy during the movie, huh? There’s something else going on, I know it.”

“There isn’t. Even if there was, why do you care? We’re not dating anymore. I’m allowed to see other people.”

“What if I don’t want you to see other people? What if I want to get back together?”

“What you want doesn’t matter in this scenario. We are not getting back together.”

“Why?”

“Gee, I wonder!” you said, voice dripping with venom, “Do you think it was the fact that you stopped treating me like your partner once I got comfortable around you? Or do you think it was the fact that I saw the text messages between you and Ryujin? Oh, I know! It must have been the fact that when I called you out on your bullshit you told me that I was crazy and that nothing was wrong.”

He stepped closer to you, eyes darkening. “You know that nothing happened between me and Ryujin.”

“Do I? All I know is that I saw texts where you told her that you loved her and that you would rather be with her than be with me.”

“That is not what the texts said,” he growled and stepped toward you again, effectively cornering you.

“Do you think that I’m stupid, Chan?”

“No, I think that you don’t listen.”

“There it is again! That’s the same thing you said when I confronted you about this when we were dating.”

“Just shut up, (Y/N).”

“No, you can’t tell me what to do!”

“Funny, you used to like it when I told you what to do,” he said with a chuckle.

His words caught you off guard, to say the least. But you maintained your composure. In the heat of the moment, you grabbed his jaw and said “We are done. Get that through your head.”

When you grabbed him, something inside Chan snapped. He was angry, but more than that he just wanted you. So, he took advantage of how close your faces were and kissed you with everything that he had. You let out a small noise of surprise, but you didn’t pull away. In fact, you moved your arms to his waist and pulled him closer. Despite everything that had happened between you, and the problems that you had, you still missed Chan. You had missed the feeling of his lips on yours, and now both of you knew it.

After what felt like hours, he pulled away and said, “Are you sure about that?” and walked away to re-join everyone in the living room. After you regained your composure, you followed him and once again sat between Felix and Changbin. Once you were settled, Felix leaned over and asked what happened.

“Nothing important. We were just catching up a bit.” You were lying through your teeth, but you hoped he wouldn’t catch on.

“You know I don’t believe that (Y/N).”

You chose to simply ignore him and turn your attention back to the movie. Once it was over, the lights went back to full brightness, and everyone went to their rooms except Chan and Felix, who had agreed earlier to clean up. You offered to stay and help, an offer that both of them happily accepted. Cleaning up didn’t take long at all, which you were grateful for. After it was all done, Felix went to his room, leaving you and Chan alone again.

The second Felix’s door closed; your lips were back on his. This time he was the one caught by surprise, but it was obvious that he loved it. His arms wrapped around your waist, and he held onto you like he was afraid you were gonna disappear at any second. Your arms found their way to his neck, and you pulled him as close as you possibly could. He pulled away for air and whispered, “I missed you so much.”

“Missed you too, Channie.”

“Channie? You haven’t called me that in a while,” he said in that teasing tone that made your heart melt.

“You haven’t kissed me like that in a while.”

He gave you a gentle smile and moved his hands down to your ass. You let out a small whimper at the contact and he smirked. “So, I guess that means you liked it?” he asked, obviously enjoying your reactions.

“Oh, shut up,” you replied, though you clearly did like it.

“Fine, then I guess I won’t do it again,” he said, moving his hands away.

“I didn’t say stop.”

He smiled and put his hands back on your ass. This time though, he squeezed, pulling another moan from you. It had only been a few minutes, but you were already sick of his teasing. So, you grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the bathroom. Plus, it felt too risky to be kissing like this when anyone could walk back into the living room at any time.

The second the door was shut Chan had you pinned against it, and he was back to kissing you like he never would again. For all he knew he wouldn’t, so he wanted to enjoy this moment with you while it lasted. You were kissing him with just as much fervor, and in that moment, you were regretting leaving him. Your hands found their way to his hair and took hold, and a low groan slipped out of his mouth. You loved the noises he made in moments like this, you always had. He stopped briefly to breathe, and you were suddenly struck by how beautiful he looked. Though the lack of light in the bathroom made it hard to see, you could still see his plump, kiss-swollen lips, and his beautiful brown eyes that were staring into your soul.

“You are so beautiful,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“You know I’m not wearing makeup, right?”

“I know. That doesn’t change what I said. You’re beautiful. I missed telling you that, and I missed kissing you.”

“I missed kissing you, too.”

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

“What do you wanna do now?”

“Can we get coffee tomorrow? I’d really like to just talk about everything that’s happened.”

“Coffee sounds good. Can I keep kissing you?”

“Please.”

The second the word was out of your mouth; his lips were on yours again. Your hands gripped his hair tighter, and the noise he made as you did turned you on beyond belief. His hands gripped your ass again, but this time he squeezed harder. The moans that were coming out of you as you made out were like music to his ears. Both you and Chan were sure that the rest of the guys could hear you, but at this point neither of you cared. You were too lost in how it felt to kiss each other again. Eventually he pulled away, and you could tell that he wanted to ask you something. So, this time you were the first to break the silence.

“What do you want, Channie?”

“Can I please touch you?”

“Fuck, I thought you’d never ask. Please?”

“Of course, baby,” he whispered as he started to rub you over your leggings. His touch felt incredible, but you needed more. You grabbed his hand and moved it under your clothes, and he was shocked at how wet you were. Before anything else happened, he quietly asked, “Are you sure?” You nodded, so he started to gently rub your clit. As he did, his lips found their way to your neck, and you were a mess.

“Channie, feels so good, please don’t stop,” you begged as you pulled on his hair.

He let out another beautiful groan and stopped kissing your neck just long enough to whisper “I’m not stopping until you cum, baby. Do you want me to keep playing with your clit, or do you want my fingers inside you?”

“Inside, please,” you moaned, “Wanna cum around your fingers.”

“Your wish is my command, baby.” Typically, you were the one saying that to him, but tonight all he wanted was to touch you again and make you feel good. He didn’t care who was in control in that moment. So, he wasted no time inserting two fingers into you and thrusting them in and out gently. You were a whining mess before he put his fingers in, but now that he was actually fucking you, it was only a matter of time before your release. You grabbed his face and kissed him again, desperate to feel his lips on yours. The kiss only slightly muffled the moans coming from both of you, but both of you were too fucked out to care.

He started to move his fingers a bit faster, curling them perfectly to hit your sweet spots. After a few minutes of this you could feel the knot that was forming in your stomach begin to tighten. You tried to warn him that you were close, but before the words could come out your orgasm hit you like a truck. Chan kissed you while you screamed, hoping to muffle the sound a little bit, and continued to gently move his fingers in and out of you as you rode out your high.

It took you a while to recover after that, which is probably why you didn’t notice right away when Chan picked you up and carried you to his room. The lighting was soft, and the cozy feeling you had when you first entered the dorm returned. He gently placed you on his bed before lying down next to you and holding you close while you calmed down. With a gentle kiss to your forehead, he asked you if you were ok. You didn’t say anything; you just nodded.

You wanted to talk to him, but you were still having difficulty processing what had just happened. Plans for the night went out the window the second Felix told you that Chan would be watching “My Neighbor Totoro” with you, but you still didn’t expect for him to pin you to the bathroom door and make you cum with his fingers. The night’s events had left you with a lot to think about. Right now, however, you didn’t really care about the fights that had occurred between the two of you, or the late nights by yourself while he was in the studio. You missed the way his arms felt around you. You missed his laugh, and the way he smiled when he knew he was doing something that you thought was dumb. You missed your Channie.

While you pondered the past, Chan pondered the future. No one had told him that Felix invited you to watch a movie. Knowing his members, he figured that it was intentional. As he considered what had happened, he wondered if this was the beginning of a second chance. He hated the way that he treated you when you were dating. He knew that he fucked up, and he really wanted the opportunity to make it right. He hoped that one day he could explain that he had never been unfaithful to you. He hoped that one day you would allow him back into your life. He hoped that one day he would get to be the partner that you deserved.

Both of you were quiet for a while, too lost in your thoughts to acknowledge each other. Eventually, though, Chan spoke up. “What time are we getting coffee tomorrow? I’d really like to talk about what just happened, as well as a few other things.” The casual nature of his question after everything that had happened that evening made you laugh. You didn’t notice it, but when he heard your laugh, he smiled and started to tear up. “That doesn’t answer my question, (Y/N),” he said.

Once you stopped laughing, you responded by saying “How about we go whenever we wake up? I’m really tired and I really don’t want to make any more decisions tonight.”

“I understand, baby. Sleep well. I’m right here if you need anything.”

“Good night, Channie” was the last thing you said before drifting off into a peaceful sleep. Chan gently kissed your forehead again before falling asleep himself. As he slept, he had dreams of a future where he could be yours again.

Thank you so much for reading! So sorry I haven't posted any fics in a while, writer's block and depression have been kicking my ass. I am doing better, though, so right now my plan is to post new fics once a week! Next week will either be a Sungchan one shot that's been in the works for a bit or the next chapter of All I Wanted.

Once again, thank you so much to @leejenowrld for beta reading! You guys should really check out her fics if you haven't, they're incredible!

If you would like to be tagged in part 2 of this fic, part 2 of my Johnny fic, or the next chapter of All I Wanted; either comment or dm me with the username that you'd like tagged and the work that you would like to be tagged in. Once again, thanks for reading!

#kpop fanfic #stray kids fanfic #stray kids smut #stray kids x reader #bang chan smut #bang chan x reader #exes to lovers #or exes to fuck buddies #we will see

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dr-spencer-reids-queen · 3 days

Text

Nameless, Faceless: Part Two

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.6k

Summary: Not even four hours after the case in Canada, you're thrown into another one. This time, without Hotch. You have a sinking feeling he's not just blowing you off to get some sleep. There's something wrong.

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: welcome to the first episode of season 5! i hope you enjoy this series just as much as i loved writing it! <3

I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated.

You arrive at his apartment building in ten minutes and immediately head to the floor his apartment is on. The second you step foot onto the floor, you know something is wrong. The feeling in your stomach hasn't gone away, it gets stronger. You knock on his door but he doesn't come to it.

"Hotch? It's me, Y/N. Are you in there?" you ask and knock again.

You take out your phone and call him but when you hear his phone ring from inside, you know something is wrong. You take out your gun and try the door knob which is unlocked. You push open the door and get hit with a wave of familiar energy--George Foyet's. You walk in slowly and notice a few things off the bat. Hotch's keys and briefcase are still by the front door, his phone is on the kitchen table, and there is a large bloodstain on the floor behind the couch. Upon further examination, there is a gunshot in the wall, tables and chairs are turned over, and Hotch is nowhere to be found.

If Hotch is dead, you would have seen his spirit here. Though, he has been stabbed multiple times by George Foyet. How he got in, you're not sure but the entire attack is played over and over to see exactly what went down between the two men. If you're going to have hope in finding Hotch alive or dead, you need help from someone you know who can track him.

"Overtime shift. Penelope speaking," Pen says when you call her.

"Pen, it's Y/N. I need you to listen really carefully. Something's happened to Hotch."

"What do you mean, something?"

"He's been stabbed. There's blood on the floor but he's not dead. I would have felt him otherwise."

"Oh, my God," she gasps.

"I need you to send police and FBI techs here right away. Everyone available."

"Do we need an APB?"

"Only on Hotch. I saw his car outside."

"Someone took him?"

"Yes, I believe so. There's a lot of blood here and a gunshot in the wall. Just get people here."

"Okay, I'm sending an army."

"Pen, I'm gonna have to tell Spencer because he and Em are expecting me back but you can't tell the others. They cannot be distracted. I'm only telling you and Spencer."

"Okay. I'm calling everyone."

You hang up on her and immediately call Spencer.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Listen, don't tell Emily this but something bad happened to Hotch. He's been stabbed."

"What?"

"He's not here but there is a lot of blood here and I felt Foyet's energy here."

"Wait, what are you talking about?"

"Is that Y/N?" you hear Emily in the background.

"I can't come back but just tell Emily and Dr. Barton that I'm away on an emergency. Don't tell the others. They can't be distracted right now."

"What's going on? Is this about Jeffrey?" Dr. Barton asks.

"No, it's unrelated."

"We only have a few hours left here."

"I'm really sorry, I have to take this phone call, okay?"

"What could be more important than my son right now?"

"I assure you, this will take one second. Please, I promise." Dr. Barton walks away and joins Emily's side to go over the files that Penelope has sent over. "What happened?"

"There's a gunshot hole in the wall. I'm guessing it's a .44 but there isn't any blood or tissue spray around it. Hotch wasn't shot."

"Any idea how he got out?"

"Foyet carried him. Hotch was stabbed but there aren't any blood drops anywhere. His body might have been wrapped in something.

"Is he...?"

"Dead? No. I would have felt him."

"Are bureau techs on the way?"

"Yeah, Penelope called everyone. She's the only one who knows."

"Alright, write down everything you see. We'll profile from your notes when you get back."

"How's Dr. Barton?"

"It's a huge list of cases to go through with him."

"Okay, I've got this here. You have Emily with you. Just stay focused."

"Alright, you too."

"What's wrong?" Emily asks when Spencer hangs up with you.

"Nothing. Y/N's been called away on an emergency not related to the case, but it's fine."

That answer seems to satisfy Emily but not Dr. Barton.

"You've got to be kidding me."

"I'm confident that the three of us can do this together. We know he's been killing Hispanic males as surrogates. Did you separate the case files?"

"Yeah."

"How many of the surgeries fit the criteria?"

"Eight-two."

"Let me ask you this. On how many of those dates did you operate on somebody else as well?" Emily wonders.

"Seventy-five."

"Did any of those patients die on the table?"

"Eleven."

"That's where we start. This whole thing is about choice. He's forcing you to play God with your son because the last time you had a choice, your decision devastated him."

"I'm a doctor. I save people."

"It doesn't matter to him," Emily says. "All that matters to him is that you had an alternative and you didn't take it. Now, how many of those surgeries involve patients under twenty?"

"Six. I get a lot of gunshot wounds, mostly gang-related."

"Has a gang or family member ever threatened you?"

"No. At first, when you lose someone it's mostly confusion and devastation. The anger comes later."

Emily and Spencer go through the case files that fit the criteria and come up with six dates that could have been the trigger for the unsub.

"Alright, we have six dates where you operated on a Hispanic male on the same night a patient under twenty died. What we're gonna do is read the names and dates off to you, and you tell me anything you can remember, okay?"

"Okay," Dr. Barton sighs.

"Let's start with January 22nd. I have Tyler Hayes with multiple gunshot wounds. The next day, Brian Douglas was a hit-and-run victim with a lacerated aorta."

"No, not that one."

"March 15th, Devon Marks who was a heroin overdose, and Angela Harris who is another car accident victim in a single vehicle, bleeding into her brain."

"No, this is no use. I would remember if I was threatened."

"Did any of them ask you about your family?" Dr. Barton looks at the clock that is ticking down. "We have time."

"Okay," he sighs.

He tries not to think about his son and the danger he's in as he recalls the patients he's dealt with. The entire school day has gone by without a hitch but there are still a few hours before school ends. Derek, Rossi, and JJ have been very diligent in making sure Jeffrey and the other students are safe from the unsub.

"I talked to Detective Walker," JJ says, "The final bell is at 3:10. He's gonna have a SWAT unit in place at exactly 3:00 to escort kids out. We'll need you to gather the students at 2:45."

"This could all be happening now," the principal argues.

"If the unsub sees us evacuate early, we feel certain he'll kill another random citizen, and this also buys us a day to try and discover his identity. So, we'll have school buses for evacuation, and teachers can brief parents who are here to pick up their kids."

"The key is to keep Jeffrey isolated and avoid panic with the other students. If we can do that, everybody gets out of here safe," Rossi explains.

"Have you cross-checked all the records of employees in the building against Dr. Barton?"

"Garcia's on it."

Derek calls Penelope who answers eagerly.

"Y/N?"

"No. Sorry, baby girl, just little old me. You're out of luck."

"Right. Sorry."

"Did you finish the background check on everyone in the building?"

"Yeah. There's no red flags, no felonies, and no connection to Barton."

"That's god. Alright, I gotta go. There's about to be a bell."

"Alright. Be safe," she sighs.

"Hey, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just tired."

"Yeah, I hear you. Let's just get this kid home safe and we can all sleep."

"Right."

As soon as Penelope hung up with Derek, she called multiple hospitals in Virginia in hopes Hotch was in one of them. No one has seen or heard of a man named Aaron Hotchner, though one of the hospitals did have someone named Derek Morgan show up recently. With this news, she immediately calls you.

The FBI techs and police did come quickly while you stayed off to the side and replay what happened over and over again. You're not sure how Foyet got into Hotch's apartment but he waited for him and threatened him with a gun only to shoot the wall. They both got into it and knocked some shit over only for Foyet to stab Hotch multiple times. Every time you replay the scene, it leads to more questions than answers.

How did he get in? Why didn't he kill Hotch? Why stab him and take him to a hospital? Your phone rings and you pick it up when you see it's Penelope calling.

"Hey, what's up?"

"I called hospitals to see if Hotch had gotten himself admitted to an emergency room. He's not listed as a patient but someone dropped a John Doe off at St. Sebastian Hospital, and that someone's name was FBI Agent Derek Morgan."

"Foyet took Derek's credentials."

"Why would he drop him off at the ER?"

"I don't know. I'm headed over there right now. I'll call with an update as soon as I get one."

You quickly send a text to Spencer to let him know what's going on so he doesn't freak out about the state of his boss.

Hotch is in St. Sebastian Hospital. I'm headed over there right now. I'll call when I have an update.

Spencer reads the message as soon as it comes in. He knows Hotch is in good hands if you're the one looking after him.

"Are you sure she's okay?" Emily asks when she notices his worried look.

"Yeah, she's fine. She's just giving me some updates."

"I don't understand. These surgeries are all hours apart. I didn't have to choose between patients. If he's punishing me for my choices, none of these fit," Dr. Barton groans in frustration.

"Alright, look at the note again and compare it against the wording on the charts. A lot of times an unsub will unconsciously mirror the wording of situations." Something suddenly comes to Dr. Barton which is evident in his facial features. "Do you remember something?"

"I don't know. It was right after New Year's. There was a car accident. One of the victims was Hispanic."

"New Year? I have it right here," Emily says. "On January 3rd, there was a two-car collision. You operated on someone named Hector Ledezma. That was your only surgery that night."

"I remember that case. Someone else came in, but I didn't operate on him. His name was Jason Meyers."

Spencer calls Penelope to gather more information on Jason.

"Garcia, I need you to find a patient in the system named Jason Meyers."

"He was admitted on January 3rd on life support. Oh, no. He was taken off the ventilator and declared legally dead three days ago."

"Who is his father?"

"Patrick Meyers, age forty-five."

"Get a photo into the school immediately. I think he's our unsub."

"Okay, it's on its way."

Spencer texts you an update on the current case since you're doing everything you can to take care of Hotch, which you appreciate. You can't do anything about Dr. Barton and his son, but you can find Hotch and figure out what's going to happen to him. As soon as you checked into the hospital, one of the doctors met with you and took you to the room Hotch was in. The second you see him, tears form in your eyes.

"He was stabbed nine times, but no major arteries were hit. It's a miracle he's alive."

"When will he wake up?"

"The anesthesia should wear off within the hour, but he's bound to be out of it."

"May I stay here?"

"Of course."

"Thank you."

The doctor checks a few things before giving you some privacy. You pull up a chair next to his bed and stare at his unconscious body.

"You better not die," you say to him. "This entire BAU is my family and that includes you. Do you hear me, Aaron? Don't die."

You hate lying to your team and hope they're doing okay without you. Hotch's medical chart is hanging off the edge of his bed. Your curiosity makes you read over it as if you're going to understand what most of it means. You're very smart but you're not medically smart. However, the initial L.C. in the top right-hand corner grabs your attention. It's the same initial the unsub left on the note for Dr. Barton. You grab the chart and find the doctor at the nurse's station.

"Excuse me, what does L.C. stand for?"

"Living Children."

"Thank you." You walk back into Hotch's room and call Spencer. "I know what L.C. stands for. Living Children."

"Are you sure?"

"Hotch has it on his medical chart. It's administrative. It's when they're afraid a patient's gonna go on life support and they don't have a DNR order."

"What if the unsub was trying to tell Dr. Barton that he is actually the target and that he's gonna leave his son without a father?" The sound of a door opening catches Spencer's attention. "Barton!"

"What's going on?" There is commotion coming from his end and you hear something that chills you to the bone. A gunshot. "Spencer?" No answer. "Spencer, answer me. Please." Still, no answer and you get tears. "Spencer? I can't lose two people I love. Please answer me." Instead of trying to get him to answer, you hang up and call 911 to report the gunshot. "This is Special Agent Y/N from the FBI. I need police and an ambulance to 120 Kensington Road, Mclean, Virginia. Shots were fired and a federal agent is possibly down."

Spencer lays in front of Dr. Barton with a gunshot wound in his knee from the unsub. The unsub was targeting Dr. Barton but got Spencer instead.

"Are you hit?"

"No."

"Get my gun. Get my gun!" Spencer urges.

Dr. Barton scrambles for the gun before the unsub can fire off another shot. Spencer grabs his gun and points it at the unsub.

"Get away from him!"

"Whatever you do, stay down," Spencer says to Dr. Barton before facing the unsub. "Drop the gun!"

"Don't protect him. He killed my son!" Patrick says emotionally.

"He did not kill your son. Your son was killed in a car accident."

"Stand up!" he yells at your boyfriend.

"I'm gonna ask you again, please drop the gun. I do not want to shoot you."

"Stand up, you coward!"

"Mr. Meyers, listen to me. Dr. Barton did not kill your son. Your son was killed by a car, and this is not what he would want. Okay? So, drop the gun. Please."

His words seem to get through to Patrick because he lowers the gun. Tears are streaming out of his eyes, he looks like he's in so much pain, and he doesn't know who or what to trust. Sirens can be heard from down the street no doubt from the call you made to 911. The unsub raises his gun toward Spencer and Dr. Barton.

"Don't do it."

"I'm sorry."

Before Patrick can fire, Spencer shoots him in a spot that's not fatal. Dr. Barton turns to Spencer to help him but the young doctor waves him off.

"I'm fine. Go to him. Kick his gun away. Make sure his gun is not near him."

Dr. Barton kicks the gun away before assessing the wound on Patrick.

"No, don't touch me. Oh, I want to die. Oh, don't touch me," Patrick weeps.

"I need to stop the bleeding."

"Let me die."

"The medics are almost here. Can you keep him stabilized?" Spencer asks.

"Yes, I think so." Seconds later, the ambulance and police arrive. "Hold on, they're right here. Help is coming, alright?" They get out of their car and rush over with equipment. "We need a backboard and a C-collar. Put pressure on this right here. Call ahead to the ER and tell them they got a GSW to the thoracic cavity, and have him redlined to the OR stat."

"You got it."

"Don't touch me," Patrick cries.

Dr. Barton approaches Spencer and inspects the wound on his knee.

"It looks like it went clean through."

"You might have just saved his life."

"Keep pressure on this, okay?"

The team arrives with Jeffrey, and Spencer nods to the doctor's son.

"I'm good, I'm fine. Go to your son."

Jeffrey and his son embrace in a tight hug while the team joins Spencer's side with worry on their faces.

"Are you okay?" JJ asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"We'll get you to a hospital."

"No, you need to call Y/N. She's at the hospital with Hotch. He's been stabbed by Foyet."

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds angst #criminal minds series rewrite #criminal minds season 5

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neo404 · 7 hours

Note

Can you do one where y/n is secretly gay and had the hugest crush on nick since he was 7 but never actually acted on it but y/n gets tried of pretending to be straight so he breaks up with his girlfriend and then goes sees nick crying and ends up telling him he's gay (you can add smut if you'll like.)

Start Over. (part 1)

Summary: You break up with your girlfriend after behing tired of hiding your feelings for Nick.

Tw: cursing, a bit of anxiety.

Note: Nicks texts are purple and yours are blue.

I look at my phone as it rings, a message from Nick pop ups in my phone, the background of him and me in the beach playing in the water lights up. Lila always told me to change it to a picture of her but I always brush it off telling her that it was a special memory.

I tap on it and when the chat opens a picture of the both of us playing on a park in Boston pops up, we are maybe 7 or 8 years old. I smile at my phone and a little message appears.

>You were soooooooo cute, what happened to you?

I feel my cheeks burn a bit and I type back.

>I got even cuter, can’t say the same about you.

I send it and I can picture his grin and his eyes rolling. I miss him, when I feel the acrylic nails dig into my shoulder I remember where I was.

"Are you paying attention?" Lila asks and I look at her, suddenly I remember where I was, the sound of the football match blasting on the TV, our 'friends' screaming and chanting at their teams. I feel my body grow tense.

"No. I-... I need to get some air." I get up but her hands are still on my body.

"Want me to go with you?" she asks.

"Not really, I’ll be back quickly." I try to not make kt a big of a deal as I walk outside the house, I sit on the porch and let out a sigh as I bury my face on my hands. "Shit." I mumble to myself.

My phone rings again. I grab it.

>Whatever loser.

>How is the game going? Is your team losing? I hope it is.

I smile again, my heart flutters and I try to swallow my feelings. Because I shouldn’t feel this way about my best friend, I shouldn’t feel this way when I have a girlfriend, I shouldn’t feel this when I like girls... Or do I? I have never really looked at Lila the way the guys on the movies we watch look at the girls, I never get the urge to kiss or cuddle her. I like her company, she's a great friend, and I’m sure most people would think she is an amazing girlfriend but I just don't feel the same. Do I not like her? No, I don't.

Shit.

Fuck.

I hate this.

>Hey, Nick. Call me, please.

>Everything okay?

>No.

>Code Sink??

>Yeah....

>Kay, I’ll call you in 3 minutes. Make sure everyone hears that you have to go.

>Thanks.

I take another deep breath. I stand up and walk inside, everyone was still screaming and laughing, I sit back on my spot, Lila asks me something and I only nod, my palms sweat, my head feels dizzy. Nick, get me out, please, get me out. The sweet perfume of Lila hits my face as she leans on my shoulder, I try to not move, I pat her head and she smiles. I feel bad, I like you but not like you like me.

My phone buzzes, I pick it up and a few friends look over at me.

"What? He is sick?... okay I’ll be there. Yeah, don’t worry, I'll buy that. Hm... No, it’s okay. Bye, Dad." Nick talks quietly on the other side. He tells me what to say and I repeat it. I feel Lila squeeze my arms as I speak. I put my phone down.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah... I mean, my cat ate something bad and puked, my dad is worried. So, I better go check on them."

"Oh no. Poor kitty, I hope he is fine." She kisses my cheek. "Go, text me." I kiss and kiss her forehead; I stand up and say a quick goodbye to everyone. I walk outside and when I close the door behind me, I feel my world crumbling.

What would he think of me? What would he say? Will he hate me? Will she hate me? Will they be disappointed?

Fuck.

I call Nick. It rings twice and he picks up.

"Hey, everything okay? why did you called sink?" Nicks voice sounds worried and sincere, it calms me down.

"I just felt overwhelmed." He hums. "Talk to me while I walk home." I say as start walking on the cold night.

"Okay. So, today we took a few pictures for Instagram, I was going to send them to you so you can pick which one I upload but you were busy with your friends and-..."

"Never busy for you. You could have just texted me."

"Whatever."

"Don't roll your eyes at me." I chuckle.

"HOW DO YOU-? you are spying on me, you creep." I can tell he is smiling.

"No, I just know you too well. Keep going."

"Whatever. I haven’t posted them yet, so you can choose. We also bought these gross gummies of different flavors; we will try them on our next video but I also want you to try them."

"Hell no."

"Please, it will be fun. Plus, Ill invite you to sleepover."

"I can just invite myself; I know you don’t mind." I see the building of my apartment; I sit on the front stairs because I don’t want him to hear that I have arrived. I don't want to end the call.

Nick and I talk for a good time. I know he knows I’m home; he isn’t stupid.

"Would you still be my friend if I told you I kind of don’t like Lila...?" I drop suddenly.

"What?... WHAT?" I feel my eyes water. "Shit, that came out wrong. Of course, I’ll still be your friend but why would you say that??"

"Nick... I, shit, Can I go to your house tomorrow? I’ll talk to you then." I hang up and rush to my room. I hear my phone ringing and buzzing but I don’t pick up. I turn it off. I throw myself in my bed and cry.

Guilt and shame fill my heart. I feel sorry for Lila, I feel sorry for myself, I am afraid to lose him. Eventually I fall asleep.

Friday morning, I get ready to go to uni. The day is heavy, my mind filled with thoughts and my heart rushing. By the end of my day, I walk to the outside of campus when I feel two small arms around mine. Lila...

"Where have you been? I have been searching for you all day." I see her friends behind us. I gulp and look down at her.

"Lila... can we talk?" Her eyes widen, maybe she knows what I will say.

"Of course, what happens?" Maybe it’s because she is the one initiating our kisses or cuddles, maybe it’s because I call her baby just because she asked me to. Or because my wallpaper is my best friend, but she knew, and something inside of me knows that she found out.

"I like a guy..." I whisper. Her grip on my arm tightens, her eyes water and mine do to. "I’m sorry, I really am."

"Don’t be..." her voice cracks.

"I hope we can still be friends and-..."

"Give me time. I hope it goes well for you." She turns around and walks away to her friends, they quickly hug her. her face hidden by her hands. They all look bad at me, I get it, I would have done the same. I have done the same, I also looked at myself with hate.

I walk away. I grab my phone and call Nick.

"Jesus, I was so scared. What happened?"

"I broke up with Lila..."

"Oh shit... I- Are you okay? Where are you?" I hear him walking and opening a door.

"Walking to your house. Are your brothers there."

"No, they left. I’m here, I’ll wait for you on the porch."

"Kay, thanks. I’ll be there."

I walk to his house, it’s a bit far. But it gives me time to breath, hold back my tears and swallow my anxiety.

I hope he doesn't hate me...

Taglist: @freshloveforthefit @shywolfapricotfan @sturnphilia @matty-bear @thenickgirl @stvrniolvsp @paige05 @soursturniolo @miloisdone1 @teenagetrash00 @lovely-calypso @h3arts4harry @malirosee

#nick sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo x you #nick sturniolo x male reader #sturniolo triplets x reader #nick sturniolo smut

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stusbunker · 1 day

Text

Spotless: Furia

Chapter Twenty Three

Featuring: Dean Winchester/Reader, Dean/Bela

Other characters: Isaac/Tamara,

Word Count: 1780

Warnings, etc: Mutual pining, the thing is they hurt each other a lot, most of the time without meaning to.

A/N: We pick up right where we left off. Trouble tries to get ready to go out on tour, Dean sets off alarms.

Series Masterlist

It wasn’t fair, you were not being fair. But that didn’t change that sick feeling crawling up your throat. Face burning, you looked at Dean who was pointedly not looking at you. You counted the deep breaths he took, his nostrils flared less the longer you sat in suffocating silence.

You should have said something.

You had no idea how to take it back. It wasn’t even what you said, it was how you said it, so derisively.

You wanted to disappear.

The traffic on the freeway only seemed to get worse the longer you sat. It had been a good day, even with Dean’s snippiness over the Rolling Stone article. Why did you have to open your big mouth?!

You bit the inside of your cheek, you were not going to cry. You knew how guys felt about girls crying, it’s a cop out, or a pathetic ‘get out of jail free’ card. Despite knowing girls usually cried out of frustration rather than actual sadness. You didn’t want to come off as pandering or fucking weak.

“Look—- I don’t want to make you do something you’re uncomfortable with. But, we’ve all seen how well the press and the fans have responded to you two. Is this something I need to put the brakes on? Because I need to know before we start touring.”

Dean huffed. “It’s fine—- it’s not about Bela, okay? It was just an honest question.”

You waited because it felt like he had more to say. You owed it to him to let him say his piece.

He let out a self deprecating chuckle. “You really think it’s just because I’m a horndog, I’d want out?”

“Dean— I didn’t mean it like that, I—”

“No, you did. You were very clear. I just gotta know, Y/N, is there no other reason you can think of for me to want out than some easy lay?”

He wasn’t even pretending to keep his eyes on the road anymore. His jaw was tight and his eyes were dark and glossy and every hope you’d ever had fluttered in your stomach.

You were supposed to say something back.

But you had already said too much.

You couldn’t lose him over something as avoidable as a misunderstanding.

“I’m sorry— I shouldn’t have—”

“Don’t— nu-uh, that’s not what I asked. I don’t want your apology, here, okay? Just—- tell me there’s something else that could get me out of this without being the bad guy.”

It hurt to look at him.

But God was it even harder to look away.

“I can talk to Crowley— work out a timeline if you want?”

Dean shook his head, looked to the ceiling of the impala, and exhaled deeply. “No—- we’re good. But if you ever think of an answer. I want to hear you say it.”

You looked down at your lap, your phone case biting into your palm where you squeezed it.

“I don’t know what you’re fishing for, Dean. I’m sorry. I know you said not to apologize, but I feel like I can’t help but put my foot in my mouth tonight.”

“It’s okay, Trouble. No hard feelings. Promise.”

You looked up to make sure he wasn’t still pissed.

“Seriously?”

Dean’s mouth twitched with a ghost of a smile. “Seriously.”

It wasn’t until you were safe and distracted with drinks and everyone else at Elizabeth’s that you realized Dean had called you by your real name. You couldn’t remember the last time that had happened.

No one really talks about the non-glamourous tasks required before going on tour. Especially not the ones that have nothing to do with the music and everything to do with leaving your home for months on end. Your personal to-do list always fell by the wayside when it came to the band, but you were running out of time on it now. In less than 48 hours, the opening act would take the stage.

And three days after that you would officially be on the road, for nearly six months straight.

You shoved a quart of half-eaten fried rice into a garbage bag and moved onto the vegetable drawer. Cleaning out the fridge didn’t take very long, but going through your pantry was a nightmare. When did you even buy half of this shit?! The cans would last, but a lot of the boxed stuff was already halfway to expiring so you set them aside to drop off somewhere over the next couple of days.

Then you wiped everything down.

By the time the kitchen surfaces were done, you were sweaty and gross. But you had too much momentum to stop there. You swept and mopped the floor. You took a breath and pushed on. Later that evening while taking out the trash, your neighbor, Isaac, waved at you over the half-fence.

“Getting ready to get back on the road then?” His accent was pleasant as ever.

You sighed and blew a stray strand of hair out of your eyes. “Getting there. I never understand how much I need to clean with it just being me. But here I am, like usual.”

He poked at some meat on the grill as he made conversation. “Tam said we’re due over tomorrow to go over things before you leave?”

You nodded your head. “Yeah, anytime after you both get home from work is fine, I’ll just be forcing myself to actually pack at that point. I really appreciate you guys looking over the place.”

“It’s nothing really. Plus you more than compensate us for it, love.”

“I know, but still.” You looked down at your dust streaked tshirt and ratty sweats and decided you had been out in the world long enough looking like that. “Alright, I better get back inside. See you tomorrow, Isaac.”

“TTFN!”

You smiled to yourself as you stepped back inside through the side door. You were so lucky to have good neighbors, especially with the way your job worked. Dean had told you all about Tamara and Isaac before you moved in, making sure you knew everything from the seriousness of not asking about kids to the humor of not insulting classic Doctor Who.

When Dean remembered, he’d still meet Isaac at one of the few English style pubs for a football match every now and again.

And they didn’t seem to mind housesitting for you whenever you needed.

The smell of the dry rub from Isaac’s grill haunted you as you went back into your clean, yet emptied out kitchen. It just meant another night of delivery was in your future.

You woke up grumpy from an incessant buzzing coming from your phone. The first notification was from Twitter and you opened it without checking anything else.

Ugh, okay, fine. Dean dropped Bela off late last night. You weren’t too worried about it. So you tried to go back to sleep. But a nagging feeling in the back of your mind kept prodding the possibilities into your thoughts.

Before jumping to any conclusions, you got out of bed and started a pot of coffee.

There had been a lot of little things you had to ignore in the day-to-day of being the band’s publicist, and even more you had to try and bury as their friend. Cas’ penchant for banging journalists was one of the ongoing thorns in your side. And of course all of Lee and Pamela’s on-again-off-again nonsense came up more than was even happening. But Dean knew how to leave a hook up. He also knew when he was being tailed.

This entire headline smelled fishy.

You bit your lip and opened your contacts. It was still too early for a business call, especially since you knew he was out until after bar close, but you couldn’t wait any longer for answers.

The phone rang in your ear and you silently begged your coffee pot to brew faster. Dean answered just before it would have sent you to his voicemail.

“I’m up— where’s the fire?” Dean mumbled into the microphone.

Without any preamble, you started in on the questions. “Have you seen the latest? People are up in arms over you squealing out of Bela’s driveway this morning. What happened?”

“Uh, hold on,” Dean must have moved the phone or covered the mouthpiece because you could hear his voice rumbling, but couldn’t make out a single thing he said. Then came a bunch of muted background noises and a door opening and closing. “Okay, wanna run that past me again? Slower and without the accusatory tone— it’s not even fucking nine am, Trouble.”

Your suspicions continued to rise. “Where are you?”

“In a hallway.”

Not ‘the’ hallway, not ‘my’ hallway, an unspecified singular hallway.

“Dean—”

“Look. The paps were fucking vultures last night, I caught one of them trying to lowjack Baby. So, I ditched her, and Sam got her back home safe. I circled back after I knew they’d scattered and I stayed put. There’s nothing to worry about. Just people trying to make me look bad for being too smart for their slimy ways.”

Your brain hissed like a television left between channels, not a signal coming or going in either direction.

“You’re at Bela’s.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yep.”

Your business brain rebooted, slowly.

“Trouble?”

You called him, you should have said something already. “Okay, so, uh, I guess just make sure to leave publicly. Or go out for breakfast or something. Just don’t leave it how they’re spinning it.”

Dean huffed. “Makes sense. Anything else?”

“Tomorrow is the morning show interview, you said you’d pick me up? Is that still gonna happen or should I just get an Uber? I’ll just call an Uber.”

“I mean, yeah, gotta be home to drag Sam with anyway. So you don’t gotta. We’ll be there with bells on right at five.”

“Okay, thanks.”

“I should go—”

“Right, of course. Bye.”

“Talk to you later.”

You hung up and your coffee pot finally whistled, signaling it had completed brewing.

You moved through your morning routine in a fog. Even when Bela posted a gorgeous fruit plate between matching mimosas sometime before noon, you only gave it a heart and moved on to folding your next load of laundry. Once you let yourself look at what was happening, you gave into the anger. You screamed into an old hoodie until you were hoarse.

Dean was actually sleeping with Bela.

Your two best friends were fucking.

The same best friends you had set up to help make your job easier.

What the fuck was your life?

And how the hell were you supposed to pretend any of this was okay?!

Tagging:

@deans-spinster-witch

@mrswhozeewhatsis

@cosicas-cuquis

@fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like

@suckitands33

@ladysparkles78

@deans-baby-momma

@stoneyggirl2

@sassy-pelican

@leigh70

@globetrotter28

@winharry

@lastactiontricia

@rockhoochie

@brightlilith

@coldhearted93

@djs8891

#spotless series #dean winchester fanfiction #dean/reader #dean/bela #slow burn #rockstar au #fake dating #but is it even fake anymore #dean angst

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ornii · 1 day

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I don't know if you write for her, but if you write for MJ from the MCU, what would it be like if she had a brother who didn't disappear in the blip, became a hero, and MJ finds out when he's injured one night and tries to help him with the hero stuff?

You’re worthy , Loser.

“Mister Jones, can you tell us the definition of Biometric identification?”

You looked up from the football plays you were trying to remember in the middle of class, everyone turned to you and expected an answer.

“Oh, yeah it’s the process of verifying a person's identity through their unique biological characteristics such as fingerprints, iris scans, facial recognition, and voiceprints.” You replied, actually surprising most. You went back to your plays as per usual. Football wasn’t a major factor in your life as you could go without it, but anything for a scholarship you thought. It just so happens that you’re really good at it. Class ended pretty normally and now you had to go find your Sister. Walking down the halls of Midtown High. You didn’t spot her usual spot to brood so you had an idea of where she would be; Detention.

Peering into the Class you saw the substitute and of course M.J doodling. You leaned in the doorway.

“Trouble again?” You joked, MJ turned to you, that clandestine face.

“No I just like to come here and, sketch people in crisis.” She eyes the Substitute teacher. You roll your eyes and lean forward.

“Well if you’re done making people’s lives much harder than they already are, we have to get home. You have a trip or whatever to prep for.” You turned and walked away, knowing MJ was reluctantly behind you.

“So, did you actually make any friends?” You asked, you couldn’t see it but you could almost hear her slouch when you said it.

“Why does it matter if I had friends to you exactly?” She asked you.

“Because good friends keep you from doing really dumb things. And when I graduate I want to make sure you have a few good ones.” You turned around, walking backwards. MJ always hated that you did it.

“I highly doubt I’d do something that bad, plus our “Social circles” if you can call it that are in completely different places. And can you stop walking backwards it’s weird.”

“It’s not weird, you’re just bad at it.” You said, you side stepped, avoiding a branch.

“How do you do that?”

“It’s about knowing where you’re gonna be.” You replied. “Hey.. did you see the new Thor Display? Apparently they found his broken hammer and put the pieces on display. You think if it was back together that I could lift it?” You asked, MJ smirked.

“You think you’re a god?”

“Well, no.. isn’t the point is that you’re worthy or something?” You asked, you turned back around as you saw your apartment complex. “I’m selfless i think?”

“If you have to think, probably not.” She replied, and you turned back to her.

“But you never answered, do you think I’m worthy?” You said, and for a moment, MJ was actually honest.

“Fine.. I think you’re worthy, because when dad left.. you turned into the dad I needed.” She admitted, when your father left it was, hard. You did what you had to do, being the dad MJ never had, you couldn’t leave your sister and mom to do this alone. You actually had to fight back tears slightly, you smiled and patted her on the shoulder.

“Thanks Michelle. I mean it.” You replied, and she shrugged. “Yeah, but don’t call me Michelle.”

“Walls came back up huh? Okay MJ.” You opened the door to your home and stepped in, to eerie silence. “Mom?” You asked, but heard nothing, it was odd, she’s usually here before you got home, you heard a sudden thud and turned around.

“Hey MJ—“ you spoke but the words failed to erupt, she was gone, missing. Dust flew out of the doorway as you saw her notebook on the ground. Obviously you were confused, you rushed out the house to see it was fear, terror around the block, around the city, the state… the world. You wished it was just some nightmare, but you never knew it was the last time you ever saw your sister.

It took a year for you to come to terms with it all, half other world’s population, gone. Standing in the school you stood at the trophy case, seeing the Award Michelle won at the Decathlon. She always had this spark about her, she acts like she didn’t care but she did. The rage and grief you felt slowly began to brew into a thunderstorm of what’s real and what’s not.

What’s real; is that you lost your family, to some entity you didn’t even know existed, and you can never exact your revenge.

What’s unreal; is that you’re going to let this ever happen again. With a punch of anger a storm brews, as you scream in anger and pain lightning slams into the earth, and the pieces of Thors hammer slowly levitate and slam together, a weapon reborn not from grief and hate, ready to protect the world so that this will never happen again, you were worthy.

Five Years pass, joining the remaining avengers to go back in time before The Events leading to the Snap. Once the infinity stones were taken from Thanos, Tony made the ultimate sacrifice, putting the life of the entire universe before his, and died a Hero.

Flying desperately though the air you almost forgot how to land, you hit the ground hard, hammer still in hand. You turned to the door and took a step towards it. It’s been years since you entered your family home, it was never the same. You stopped seeing the doorknob twist, you held for breath and waited in fear of what you were going to see, but it was all just in your mind.

MJ opened the door, a bit puzzled. She looked at you, obviously not understanding what’s going on.

“Why are you dressed like you’re going to Comic con?” She said, “You look.. older too.” She stepped down, looking at you like a stranger.

“What’s with the beard? And the hammer?” MJ opened her mouth to say something else but you hugged her tight. Overwhelmed with all of it, how happy you were couldn’t be put into words.

“Holy shit.” You whispered, you let MJ go, somehow not crushing her with your new godlike powers.

“So… it’s been five years.” You said, which made her raise an eyebrow. “Five?”

“Yeah.. you uh, died. A lot of people died, but you’re back now so… damn this is hard to explain.” You rubbed your face, exhausted, MJ saw the look on yours.

“Just, come inside, you can explain it to me at your pace.” She calmly takes your hand leading you in, you did look exhausted, and probably traumatized. Five years of fighting to get your family back.

In my opinion, you are worthy.

#male reader #marvel mcu #MJ #MJ Mcu #michelle jones #michelle jones x male reader #zendaya #zendaya x male reader #reader x marvel #marvel x reader #marvel x male reader #Ornii

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angy-grrr · 2 days

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Idk if i'm just crazy but i noticed that there is a pattern with something that Uraraka does, is punctuated immediately after something Katsuki did before to Izuku and vice versa. I feel like this somehow highlights a difference between their intention and meaning for him. Like i'm sure this might be just a big coincidence but still.

well who knows really! The first thing that comes to mind to me is how Ochako helped Deku when he fell at the beginning, by being on the side/ behind him and using her quirk to avoid it, and Katsuki holding him facing each other, running to get to him faster than the rest -including Iida, whose quirk is literally about that!

But also the whole Deku thing; personally, because the author admitted he didnt intent to have Katsuki as a positive part of Izuku's life at first, I believe the reason for these introductions was clear: Bekugou, his childhood friend, opposes him and creates "Deku" as an insult to put him down, and will always mean that to him, while Ochako, a new friend he meets when starting his hero school, changes it creating something new and fresh so Izuku can have a motivation.

Non supporting VS Supporting. Out of his life VS In his life. Old VS New. Hopelessness VS Hope. Static VS Change.

You name it.

But then the author changes his mind, and Katsuki isn't just the rival anymore, and all of the sudden "Deku" has many layers; "Deku" also means the one that does his best alone, isolated and overworked, and even tho apparently this has shifted since the current chapters...

Slight manga spoilers, not too much tho (I guess??):

idk, Izuku still was ready to get up alone and fight if Aizawa didnt stop him to give him the T-shirt and remind him they are there. He was running alone, and others have to go to him (in this case, Iida) in order to help him, because he is still not asking for help at all.

It has been brought up again, the meaning Ochako gave it, and im not 100% sure if this is her remembering, Izuku, or the three of them -probably the last one? Iida seems to understand now what Ochako meant back then, and they see it in a positive light (which was the intention!), but for Izuku doing the best can mean many things. What's the best he can do? Act like All Might was his first answer, but that didn't work. Saving others? He knows heroes should do this, but with how unclear things are I dont know if he is aware the class would support his decision of saving a villain -after all, as far as we know, he doesn't tell anyone because he wants to share it with someone, but because someone else admitted it first.

Uraraka confessed that first, and showed that vulnerability without knowing how he could react [and honestly, it looked in that moment like she was mainly expressing herself outloud], and after that he ended up also sharing a similar feeling he had about villains and saving. What I mean is that he doesn't say shit unless someone else was vulnerable first.

Ochako wasn't going out to talk to anyone about it either, lets get that straight, but when she was asked by one of her best friends she lets herself be at least a little; she saw Izuku meant something "slightly" different than her, so she doesnt tell him how she envied her genuine smile, her freedom to be herself, love who she loves, or how she thought she was actually cute. She knew it was better to not talk about that because he had no interest in that, so she keeps it to herself knowing she will fight to make sure Himiko hears her this whole thing would be a part of the izuku and ochako meta kjfskjflajflksja

This happened too with Katsuki during their second fight; after Katsuki was emotional and falling apart, confessing such intimate and sad emotions with him, that's when Izuku couldn't help himself and ended up also putting his guard down. And still, he held back a crucial part -he didnt say he acts like him without even trying, and even tho everyone would see it as nasty and bad, he can't hate those things, those parts oh himself, because they are parts of Katsuki, his symbol of victory, what he sees as the best form of heroism. Despite Katsuki explaining he's confused and insecure over his main theme -victory-, and worries about it being not only unworthy but also the reason their idol "ended"... He held back.

He lost because of that.

Its interesting the contrast between those two scenes in terms of emotional vulnerability and reactions, before a war ochako and izuku are much calmer and distant than katsuki and izuku after getting back from a successful rescue. In the first case nothing actually changed between them -im not talking about the nature of the relationship but just the general apparent feelings and status. They are friends who share ideals and common interest before and after the talk, and the only one who was more reflective about it was Ochako who prefers to discuss it with Himiko than him -its more about them anyways. Izuku stays the same, as far as we know, because he thinks she also "just"* felt empathy for someone that was sad and alone, and we can't see this affecting him or shifting something between them.

His emotional moments with Katsuki? They do change everything every time -when he said he was going to be a hero, when they start to get closer, after the war "Deku" becoming "izuku", embracing what makes the other great, etc.

*Its a huge deal and really important, im not trying to minimize his motivations or ideas, just point out how their feelings and conflicts are different and similar -at this point we don't see Midoriya admiring Shigaraki in any way thru this whole story. The manga hasn't ended and he is unreliable, so maybe im wrong and he admires qualities about him he learns later on, but right now for me Izuku wants to bring him support because he is a human and nobody should get treated like he was.

Ochako and Katsuki also have different roles in his rescue, with him bringing him back to them and her showing everyone he is a boy that needs help. Izuku was moved by both actions, and thanks to Uraraka he gets to the shelter.

Their fight was also interesting! Ochako was thinking about winning this, yet she tried to follow Izuku's ideas and lost after trying something way too risky for her, because she ended up ignoring her own judgement and limits out of insecurity and admiration; when Katsuki tries to use his strategies in the wars tho, he is able to achieve what he wanted -he saves Izuku from getting stabbed, saves All Might from getting crushed by AFO, before dying he gets to weaken some parts of Shigaraki's body for the rest to use, etc.

Its not that he loses himself, he just tries something new that works for him, and im happy Ochako ended up realizing she needs to keep in mind what she needs and wants when taking inspiration from Midoriya. Even if similar, their feelings for "their" villains are different, and that's okay.

Katsuki now doesnt call him Deku unless he refers to his hero name, and prefers to use his first name while Ochako keeps using Deku-kun when talking to him or says directly his full name like in her talk with Himiko where she explains some parts of her life.

Even if "Deku" comes from "Izuku", the latter is closer, new for them, a little challenging at times, and shows respect, recognition and reaffirms his humanity over his heroism. "Deku-kun" sounds like "you can do it", a supportive name that comes from a misunderstanding from the beginning, and keeps getting used as she hasn't change her perspective about him in that way. He is still Deku-kun to her, but now Izuku to him.

Change VS Static.

Huh, I wonder where that came from.

#bakudeku #bkdk #dekubaku #dkbk #decchan #grrr talking #im not tagging it as spoilers as I believe its pretty vague in comparison to other things #but yk #just keep that in mind #i have no idea how vague it is tho #this is way too long lmao #why am I like this

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