#actuallyschizotypal

[myceliumbutch]

The schizotypal experience is being gaslit by non-psychotics telling you that your experience is soooooo normal despite looking at you like you have three heads when you do anything in a way that's natural to you

#babble babble #actuallyschizotypal #actually schizospec #actually stpd

[ghostlyschizophrenic]

Why being forced to hide psychotic symptoms is detrimental to recovery:

Hi! it’s your friendly neighborhood schizoaffective and i have a story to tell, a story that’s backed by research.

my psychotic symptoms were early onset. my earliest memory of psychotic symptoms was 6 years old, when my parents were changing the locks on the house and i had an intense belief that changing them would mean someone had broken into our house and hadn’t left. i believed my toys had human emotions and felt sad if i played with another toy, so i refused to buy new toys because i was so scared of making my toys sad.

i had a very flattened emotional response (which i would later learn is a symptom of schizophrenia), and in kindergarten and first grade when we learned about emotions, i learned to fake the look of emotional response. i learned how to put a smile on my face when i felt happy and to put a frown on my face when i felt sad. when i was alone, i would practice, but some days i was too tired to do it and i kept my face in the natural way: flat. it wasn’t that i wasn’t feeling emotions, i just couldn’t express them the way people wanted me to

during my elementary school years, i made up words constantly to communicate. i couldn’t form proper sentences, something was blocked in my brain and everything felt scattered and scrambled (disorganized thoughts and speech). my teachers broke that habit in me, not by helping me learn to organize my thoughts, but by teaching me not to speak unless i knew exactly what i was trying to say.

then came middle school and i started hallucinating and my delusions got worse. but everything i had learned from teachers and tv was that hallucinations are scary to people, and i didn’t want to be scary. i would be laughed at if i told anyone about my strong beliefs (delusions) so i didn’t tell anyone. i didn’t tell anyone that i believed that the characters in my tv show were real and the government was hiding their existence and if they knew that i knew they’re real, they’d put me on a watch list. i didn’t tell anyone i was hearing sounds that came straight out of a horror movie. i hid that.

i hid it so well that i avoided treatment. i had an acute psychotic episode, and all i said was that i was having panic attacks. i didn’t tell anyone about the delusion that school was going to literally kill me, or that i heard blood curdling screams in the hallways and when i was trying to sleep at night. i avoided early intervention.

for other reasons that i won’t get into, i was put on seroquel as a mood stabilizer, but as many of you know, it’s also an antipsychotic. this was the first time in my life i felt some kind of relief from my symptoms. i didn’t connect the dots because my psychiatrist called it a mood stabilizer, not an antipsychotic, so i didn’t know why i was feeling better in those areas.

it wasn’t until 10th grade when i was taking a psychology class from a teacher i trusted that i connected the dots. by this time i knew i had psychosis. i had access to the internet and i had googled what was wrong with me, but it wasn’t until a class where he emphasized getting help that i thought ok, now i should bring it up.

by this point, i had had 2 more acute psychotic episodes that kept me out of school, but because i was taught to hide everything, i still didn’t tell anyone the real reason why i couldn’t function. “paralyzing panic attacks” became code for “whatever the real reason is that’s keeping him out of school”. but my teacher made me think i needed help, especially because we were learning about schizophrenia in class and i had a sneaking suspicion that i, someone with a family history of schizophrenia, had it.

i brought it up to my doctors and i was started on antipsychotics, this time with the official name of antipsychotics. but it was a bit too late. my psychiatrist told me that if we had caught it earlier, i may have reacted to treatment better.

i’ve been in treatment for years and the longest i’ve gone without an acute psychotic episode is 5 months. i’ve done my research and in patients with psychosis, the first few months after psychotic symptoms are present are vital to the treatment and recovery of the patient.

it’s not just, oh you won’t suffer as long, it’s literally you will have a better chance at recovery. if you catch psychosis in the prodromal stage, it can greatly reduce the chances of another psychotic episode happening.

by being taught to hide my illness from a young age, i lost the chance at having an easier recovery. yes i learned to confine myself to societal expectations and appear “normal”, but i caused myself more pain in the long run.

early intervention is key to an easier recovery, and i’m going to leave a few links to show you what i mean.

ted talk about early psychotic intervention

psychosis prodromal phase

talking with a psychiatrist about early psychosis intervention

early intervention of psychosis

benefits of early intervention

#ghost.txt #long post #psychosis #unreality tw #unreality / #unreality #hallucinations #delusions #paranoia #antipsychotics #actuallypsychotic #actuallymentallyill #mental illness #actuallyschizophrenic #actuallyschizoaffective #actuallyschizoid #actuallyschizotypal #actuallyschizophrenia #pseriouslymentallyill #pseriouslyschizophrenia #pseriouslyschizoaffective #pseriouslypsychotic #pseriouslypsychosis #pseriouslyschizophrenic #actuallydelusional #actuallyhallucinating #schizo spec #schizo spectrum #schizophrenia spectrum #psychosis spectrum

[happywastedyears]

hi just so you know if you have a personality disorder I love you personally

#this post made by the borderlines tired of my disorder being demonized gang #actuallyapd #actuallyantisocial #actuallybpd #actuallyborderline #actuallyhistrionic #actuallyhpd #actuallynpd #actuallyavoidant #actuallydependant #actuallyocpd #actuallyparanoid #actuallyschizoid #actuallyschizotypal #cluster a #cluster b #cluster c

[unstablemotions]

made a schizotypal bingo meme!

i hope some ppl relate. this is just based on me, symptoms listed by the dsm/icd and based on ppl i know. you are valid even if you relate to just a few of these

#actuallystpd #actuallyschizotypal #actuallyschizo #actuallyschizospec #schizo spectrum #schizotypal #stpd #schizo spec #stpd bingo #schizotypal bingo #actuallymentallyill #my posts #personal

[chemicalcarousel]

when you're schizo-spec and you have a hard time knowing if your headmate is a headmate or a delusion

#actuallyplural #median #median system #plurality #actuallystpd #actuallyschizotypal #actuallyschizospec #ours

[hauntedselves]

Comparison of a Schizotypal Personality Style vs Schizotypal Personality Disorder

- From Handbook of Diagnosis and Treatment of DSM-5 Personality Disorders by Len Sperry

#pd info #stpd info #actuallystpd #actuallyschizotypal #cluster a #personality disorders #undescribed #dogpost #len sperry #handbook of diagnosis and treatment of dsm-5 personality disorders

[composerinprogress]

Psychosis and loneliness

It’s not the paranoia that I have trouble living with. It’s being alone and feeling misunderstood. It’s seeing everyone around you share the same degree of connectivity while your emotions are so gray you can hardly connect with anyone. It’s seeing those same people hanging out together without ever inviting you. People making excuses not to be with you. Seeing everyone finding romantic partners before you while you are starved of love and affection.

While paranoia can be borderline unbearable, none of it is real. Loneliness, however, is the harshest reality of being psychotic.

#STPD #actuallyschizotypal #schizotypal personality disorder #psychosis

[circushead]

What is the line between religion and delusion when it comes to paganism and witchcraft? Does anyone have any insight related to this?

#actually delusional #actuallystpd #actuallyschizotypal #schizotypal #stpd #pagan #witchblr

[schizocassandraoftroy]

Please don’t tell psychotic people how funny you think the way we talk is. Please don’t make jokes and inside humor off the way psychotic people sound and communicate. Don’t laugh at us. Fucking work with us

to all the psychotic people who got told they were ‘funny’ for what they thought was the truth: i love you

#actuallypsychotic #actually psychotic #actually schizophrenic #pseriouslypsychosis #pseriouslyschizophrenic #pseriouslyschizoaffective #pseriouslyschizospectrum #actuallyschizophrenic #actually schizoaffective #actuallyschizotypal

[uglygerm]

there is something about even the mere concept of the panopticon that is so deeply unsettling to me, especially as a psychotic person. i hope that the person who first thought of it is having a very bad day.

#.txt #i try not to think about those sorts of things but i saw a post relating to it and wondered if Anyone Else might agree #my apologies for the annoying text post; i try to keep these to a minimum #tags now -> #actuallypsychotic #actually psychotic #actuallyschizotypal #actually schizotypal #pseriouslypsychosis #pseriouslyschizoaffective #triggering #.png

[shaggy-demiurge]

This is how schizotypal disorder feels apparently

#stpd #schizotypal #actuallyschizotypal #transgender #gatekeeping #HRT #:| meh

[myceliumbutch]

Hey here's a reminder that psychotic and schizo spec symptoms are tied to stress. If you or someone you know is having increased psychotic symptoms, suggesting and facilitating a calming activity isn't talking down or w/e, it's very likely to help get symptoms to a manageable level for them.

#babble babble #actually psychotic #psychotic disorders #actuallyschizotypal #actually schizospec

[curseofconsciousness]

Schizo Thought Vol: 3

Ya know how the medical professionals are always warning you about the potential progression of elevation on the Schizo spectrum? That’s me. At first I was diagnosed with. Schizotypal Personality Disorder. During this period, I was more narcissistic, absorbed into patterns, strangely dressed, and a sort of chill/manic. I wanted answers to why, I coined everything as a religious or spiritual experience, as I continued to abuse drugs and escalate the situation, not knowing how dangerous any of it actually was to my sanity.

Somewhere along the way, life stopped being fun. The things that were suppressing the rage and anxiety, started turning into the things that induced it. All those pleasant and mysterious thoughts, started turning into a plague of ideas, and a dark mystery that didn’t have a quantifiable scale. There was no pattern, it’s just a bunch of shit that doesn’t make sense, attempting to get me to make sense of it. An impossibility. The Schizophrenic stage is when I was introduced to “looping” or continuous unavoidable thoughts with no solution. Cognitive Dissonance was also on full display, I’m guessing, because I overloaded my sensory with so much feedback to interpret, my brain just got tired and decided to space out to get a much needed break while my body still moves. (For those who aren’t aware, the best way I can describe cognitive dissonance, is your consciousness being ripped from your body, but still hanging on. You watch yourself perform outside yourself, but the emotions are with your consciousness, not your body. It’s an empty hopeless feeling of no control).

And then there is where I am now Schizoaffective Bipolar Disorder. The other two were manageable in their own way; but this one…this one feels hopeless. Because not only am I fighting my ingrained nature as a person, now I’m fighting the nurture factor as well. All of my collective experiences over 30 years express how things should be, yet I’m in conflict with what it actually is. I have no dictation of mood at all. None of it flows with any efficiency or tactile understanding. It’s like being shaken up in a can and given a random outcome based on a dye roll.

One day I’m dealing with Psychosis, but I’m excited and happy! The next it’s depression, and I’m tired and nihilistic. Then jovial and angry. Then anxious and scared. Then jovial and scared. Then delusional and angry, etc etc. I don’t know what emotions or psychotic effects I’ll get at all…so I become cathartic and settle on hopeless. I try to build bridges to connect with people, and before I complete it, I completely forgot I have a hammer and nails, and the bridge is now half built, and no one can cross it without jumping and dying in the moat below. I wish just one person understood how I felt. My brain is a cage and I’m alone with my thoughts. Somewhere the real identifiable me is crying in a corner wishing they didn’t have to sustain this existence. My eyes hurt. My thoughts hurt. But this is where my greatness will come from.

Nonetheless, my nurture makes me the “violent” type of psychotic that everyone thinks shouldn’t exist. I don’t belong here, but here I am.

Dead Game

#quotes #quote #deadgame #deepgame #dogman #dogs #schizoaffective #schizophrenia #schizotypal #mental wellbeing #mentalwellness #actually schizoaffective #actuallyschizotypal #actually schizophrenic

[awbrainno]

I’ve been way quieter and less involved in Discourse than when I first started this blog - and that’s a good thing! It’s incredibly freeing to not be arguing on the internet!

However, going through the notes of some of my more popular posts, I feel like it’s important to go over a few of my sincerely held beliefs and remind people that the unfollow button exists. So here are a few things I will not compromise on:

I’m crazy and I don’t give a rat’s ass about the opinions of neurotypicals. I cannot and will not conform to neurotypical standards.

I’m transgender, I’m queer, I’m a dyke-fag, I’m a reclaimer of slurs, and no, I will not censor myself for anyone. Block the terms you don’t like and keep it moving.

I’m a cripple and I don’t want unsolicited medical advice. I will block anyone who gives me medical advice unasked. You’ve been warned.

This blog is mine (well, ours) alone and will not cater to bigots. TERFS, zionists, nazis, ableists, and bigots of any kind: the whole lot of you can go fall in a pit. Get the fuck off my page.

I don’t argue with minors. I’m too old for that and y’all are still growing and learning - me too! I’m not saying you’re wrong, or you’re too young, or you’re not intelligent, because so many young people have so many awesome ideas. I’m just saying I’m not gonna be that creep who argues with kids.

#actuallyborderline #actuallydissociative #actuallyschizotypal #actuallydisabled #queer #jew by choice #caw caw

[psychosispsositivity]

Text: you can write horror without stigmatizing psychotic people

The horror genre doesn’t have to stigmatize psychotic people and other people with mental disorders. You can write stories that explore the deep fears of the human psyche without relying on stereotypes about psychosis or DID. There is a lot of opportunity for psychological depth in horror, if a writer is willing to put in the work.

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#pseriouslyparanoid #pseriouslyschizophrenia #pseriouslypsychosis #pseriouslyschizophrenic #pseriouslyschizospectrum #psychosis #psychotic #schizophrenic #schizophrenia #schizoaffective #schizotypal #bipolar #actuallypsychotic #actually psychotic #actuallystpd #actuallyschizotypal #actuallyschizophrenia #actuallyschizophrenic #stigma #writblr

[bipolarblueberries]

My teenage angst did this really cool magic trick where it turned into a wide varity of mental illnesses and complexes

#tay talks #actuallybipolar #actuallyschizophrenia #actuallyschizotypal #actuallyschizoaffective #actuallydepressed #actuallyanxious #actuallymentallyill #actuallyptsd #actuallybpd