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theoreticslut · 4 years

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“What better way to show you that we’re here for you?”

part 1 / part 2 / part 3

pairing: fred weasley x reader x george weasley

requested: no

word count: 3.4k

warnings: depression!! & some mentions of anxiety, cheating, insecurities; ANGST (sorry!)

A/N: Ughhhh; let me start this by saying there is definitely going to be more to this, i’m just still not sure how much exactly. I normally try to have series like this written out long in advance so I have a more concrete idea and schedule for it, but it’s obviously not happening for this one. I still love this one tremendously so I’m excited to see how it goes, but man I’m breaking my own heart writing it. Anyways, I do apologize for being kinda inactive on here the last week or two. I’ve been stressing out a lot over school and just the holidays, but I’m trying to get things up for you <3 I have a few things written, but it’s just a matter of editing them and then getting them formatted on here and I’ve just been so tired lately. So i apologize & I am trying to get things out here. I have a request or two that I’m working on which I will hopefully have up this week so please just bear with me. Also, reminder!! Please feel free to check out my sleepover event that I’ll be keeping open for another week or so as well as my holiday prompt list for requests!! I love you all and hope you enjoy this part of the story!! Xx

Taglist: @justmesadgirl @xuckduck @yikesyikesyikes95 @filipi-yes @aestheticwh0r3 @whoreforlangdons @matsuno-nadeshiko @msmarklee1213 @immajustreadwritereblog @msmimimerton @lauren2408 @mischievous-queen @bunnyboo7 @grandeoptimist @kaitlynw011 @daddystevee @slytherinxhunter @streetfighterrichie @softlyqoos @sarcasticallywitty15 @isthereanymorejello

^let me know if you’d like to be added/removed! Xx

“Y/n? Are you awake?” You hear hermione ask cautiously, the door creaking slightly as she comes inside your shared dorm room.

You’re not sure what time it is, but it doesn’t really matter right at the moment. All you know is that it’s finally Saturday again and that you didn’t want to get out of bed regardless of whatever time it is.

This past week has been exhausting and you just wanted to sleep it off. You didn’t want to socialize with anyone, you didn’t want to stress about homework, and you certainly didn’t want to move from your current spot.

“I don’t want to be.” You grumble, pulling your blankets up tighter around your head so you were completely buried from your neck down.

“Y/n, you need to come down and eat. You barely eat anything that Harry, Ron, or I bring up for you. We’re worried.”

“Don’t have to be, ‘mione. I’ve dragged myself to the kitchen a few times. I’m not dying.”

You hear her sigh as the side of your bed dips down. You’ve been like this for nearly two weeks now. Ever since the twins told you that they loved you and you said that they couldn’t.

Hermione had you tell her all about it after she saw Fred storm down the stairs from your guys’ dormitory up to his and George’s, George following after him worriedly a couple minutes later, then finding you crying your eyes out alone up here.

She knew that you loved the two redheads, but she could also completely understand you being wary of their words given your guys’ past on top of how tragically your last relationship ended.

She has been giving you time because she knows you need it, but three weeks is concerning without even considering that you’re barely eating and sleeping. Not to mention that you literally drag yourself to your classes as if you’re bound in weighted shackles.

“Maybe not right at this minute, but if you don’t start taking care of yourself you will be.” She states, looking over at you.

She hates seeing you so broken. Sure you were hurt after finding Will cheating on you and the whole smoke-bomb-under-your-fork thing with the twins, but this is far worse. You honestly look like a ghost of a person and it’s terrifying.

“I’m just...not hungry, ‘mione. You’re not going to force me to eat if I can’t, are you?”

“Y/n, I know you’re hurting, but you’re hurting the rest of us as well by not taking care of yourself.” Hermione starts, looking over at you.

“Harry and Ron, they don’t show it well, but they’re worried about you. Those two boys. They’re worried. About you. They hardly ever worry.”

“Not to mention how worried I am. You look as if your soul has been sucked from your body, which is saying something because even with Will you didn’t look this terrible.”

“And I don’t even need to point out how worried McGonagall is. She’s constantly asking whether you’re okay or not, both to you and the rest of us.”

“And I know it probably doesn’t seem it, but Fred and George? They’re worried too, y/n. They’re always watching you during classes to see if you’re okay and they both look for you at meals. I honestly think they’re starting to go crazy since you haven’t been down to any meals lately.”

“You have so many people worried, y/n. So many people that care.” Hermione finishes, watching as you take in a shuddering breath.

You don’t like worrying people or upsetting them, but you just can’t keep pushing. You feel as if every breath is a chore and that your chest is hollow; it feels as if your heart has just got up and left, only leaving behind an aching hole.

You thought that you would be okay, you went to classes the day after their confession, but you couldn’t handle the way the twins were looking at you. Fred looked so angry and took it out by flirting with any other girl he could, but you could see through the anger to all the hurt that you caused. You hated knowing you hurt him so bad that he had to let it out as anger, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything about it. You were much too confused of your own feelings to even consider comforting anyone else.

George on the other hand just looked so torn. He looked hurt, sure, but he seemed to be showing more worry for you than anything. It’s as if he doesn’t care what he’s feeling at all and it bothered you. You knew your words had hurt him and yet he just doesn’t seem to care. He still wants nothing more than to be there for you and it was just too confusing. You couldn’t understand how he still wanted to be there for you when you had essentially told him he didn’t know what he was feeling.

The following day wasn’t any better nor the day after that. They kept giving you the same looks, if they’d even look at you. George seemed to never look away from you when you were around whereas Fred tried everything in his power to not have to look at you.

On top of that, they wouldn’t talk to you, but you knew they were talking about you. And then you just kept seeing them everywhere. It was as if you became hyperaware of their presence which you very much did not want to happen.

You let out a choked sob as everything hits you again and hermione frowns, wrapping her arms around you. She wanted to take all of this pain away, but she really had no idea how. She always had a solution and yet she didn’t have one to this.

“I don’t like this, ‘mione. I don’t like any of it.” You sob, the hole in your chest aching.

~.~

Hermione finally got you calmed down enough to where you could breathe and convinced you to come down for breakfast, promising that as soon as she was happy she would do whatever you wanted, whether that be go to library, go for a walk, or just hang out in the common room.

“Everyone’s going to stare at me, ‘mione. I don’t want them to stare.” You sigh, feeling jittery as your nerves begin acting up.

“Take a breath, y/n. Just walk along beside me and no one will stare.”

You take a deep breath, trying to calm your anxiety, but it doesn’t do much. You still feel like you’re going to be sick.

As soon as you walk through the doors to the great hall, you snap your head down. You don’t want to look at anyone and you don’t want them looking at you. You figure the best way to make that happen is just look away from it all.

Unfortunately, you glance up just as your passing by the spot where Fred and George sit when they aren’t with you guys. If you could go back just those few seconds to not have to see the looks on their faces, you would do so without a second thought.

Fred was surprised to see you, his worry for you showing through only momentarily before he’s smiling at some girl beside him. George, however, was a mix of relief, complete worry, and total devastation. Looking at the two of them made your stomach flip and your heart sink.

“Breathe, y/n.” Hermione reminds you and you nod looking over at her as you try not to be sick.

“Y/n!” Ron smiles as you and hermione sit down.

“Hey, Ron. Harry.” You greet as the two light up at your presence.

“How are you feeling?” Harry asks, concern written in his facial features.

“Like I’m going to be sick, honestly. I don’t know how hermione talked me into coming down here.”

He smiles sadly at you, knowing how much pain you’re in and wishing there was something - anything - he could do.

“Well, grab something. It doesn’t have to be a lot, y/n, but you need to eat.” Hermione urges and you nod, taking a single pancake and a few pieces of bacon. You doubt you’ll even be able to eat that, but you’d at least try.

Just as you go to take your first bite, now realizing how hungry you truly are by the way your stomach cramps, George takes a seat next to you, facing you.

“Y/n-“

“George, now really isn’t a good time.” Hermione states, frowning at the redhead.

“I just, I need to-“

“She needs to eat. It’d be better if the reason she hasn’t been eating wasn’t sitting right beside her.”

“I know, I just-“

“Bloody hell, George. Just leave y/n alone for godricks sake! I can’t stand to see my friend hurt anymore because of you and Fred.” Ron snaps, glaring at his older brother.

“Ron,” Harry warns.

You bite your lip at his outburst. On one hand it’s nice to know that he care so deeply for you, but on the other it made you even more anxious. You didn’t like when people fought.

“That’s not fair, Ron. You know how I feel about her. I just need to see how she is.” George frowns, hurt by his younger brother’s words.

You curl up into yourself, wishing to Merlin you could just disapparate from here and right now. You didn’t want people fighting over you, especially if it was Ron with his brothers.

“Please stop.” You choke out, your voice barely above a whisper. You didn’t want to handle any of this.

“I’m sorry, y/n.” Hermione frowns, having only convinced you to come here so you could eat and she would know. She never wanted to give you more to deal with.

“Not your fault, ‘mione.” You say, trying to give her a small smile, but it was harder than you remember.

“Sorry, y/n.” Ron mumbles sincerely yet still glaring at his brother beside you.

“It’s fine.” You whisper, staring at your plate of uneaten food.

“Are you really not going to eat?” You hear George ask as he watches you stare at your plate, gently pushing the food around after a few seconds.

“I’m not hungry.”

“Bollocks, y/n. I haven’t seen you down here in two weeks and I know for a fact you don’t come down to the kitchens nearly enough to make up for skipping meals. You’re not going to starve yourself.” He states firmly, but not in anger.

“I’m not.”

“Please just eat. Godrick, y/n, I can’t stand watching you not take care of yourself.”

“I can’t, George.” You nearly whisper, trying desperately not to let your tears fall.

Sure it sounds like you’re telling him that you just can’t eat, but there’s so much more meaning behind it and you know that he understands it. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep, you can’t stop crying, you can’t stop hurting, you can’t figure out how to stop worrying everyone. You just can’t do anything anymore.

You loved Fred and George so much, you knew it just as much as hermione did, and she was aware of it long before you were. You loved the two of them more than anything, but even though you wanted to believe them saying they loved you, your heart and your mind were holding you back.

Your heart still hurt so much from what Will had done. It’s not even just the cheating anymore, but everything during the relationship as well. He’d tell you he loves you but would never hold you. He’d tell you that you meant the world to him, yet he very rarely kissed you. He was telling you everything he should, but he wasn’t doing anything to back it up. You suppose your heart was just experiencing some trust issues, which in all honesty, no one could blame you for.

Then your head was telling you no. Not for any reason in particular, just no. It wouldn’t let you believe the twins had any sort of feelings for you other than as friend. No matter how much you tried to reason, your brain kept resisting. Some could argue it was your own insecurities telling you no, but in all reality you had no idea whatsoever.

From any angle you were trying to look at, you just couldn’t do anything. You truly felt like a puppet trapped inside its box. You had all this potential to do what was needed, but unless someone else forced you to do it you were useless.

“Hey. Hey, darling. Shh. No reason to cry. I know it’s all really hard and I am so so sorry. I never wanted any of this to happen. I’m not mad or upset at all. I’m just really worried about you. I care about you so much and I don’t want to see you hurting yourself.” George ushers, gently placing a hand on your back.

He hates seeing you so hurt, but he knows it’s not just because of him and Fred. He’s well aware that you’re still carrying a lot of hurt over Will, even if you don’t show it, not to mention your own insecurities that have had years to imbed themselves in your thoughts. You may have never said any of this out loud, but George knew what was hurting you.

He frowns, sadness completely taking over his features as he looks down at his twin who’s been watching this whole ordeal. He won’t admit it, but Fred has been hurting just as much. He loves you with his very being and would do literally anything for you, but it hurt when you said that he couldn’t love you. He didn’t realize, unlike George, how insecure and broken you were after Will and took your denial of his feelings personally.

He tries to hide the fact of how hurt he is, but George can see through him. In fact, he’s pretty sure most everyone can if they look close enough. He wishes he could take you into his arms and just hold you, tell you that everything is going to be alright, but he can’t let himself.

Watching you nearly break down crying over nothing really happening breaks his heart, however. He wants to walk right over there and pull you into his arms, giving you kisses all over your neck and face until you feel whole again. He wants to make you realize just how perfect you truly are. The only thing that’s stopping him is his pride, which George has already argued with him over.

“Everything hurts...so much.” You whimper, staring at your plate as tears fall down your cheeks.

“Darling...” George frowns, rubbing your back as he’s not sure if you’d let him pull you into a hug.

“I’m sorry. Y-you guys don’t need to see me like this. I’m being selfish, making you all uncomfortable.” You sniffle, wiping at your eyes.

You didn’t like to be the center of attention nor did you like being emotional in front of others. You always felt so weak and pathetic breaking down and you didn’t want anyone else to think that of you.

“It’s alright, y/n. We want to help you, but we don’t know how if you won’t tell us what’s wrong.” Harry speaks gently and you give him a small, grateful smile, your bottom lip quivering slightly at the onslaught of emotions building up inside you.

“Can you try eating a bit, sweetheart? Then we can take you back to the common room where you can let it all out.” George suggests and you shrug, wiping at your cheeks.

You really are hungry, but your just really not sure if you can eat anything. Looking at the food is turning your stomach.

“Y/n, just take one bite. Just to start with.” You hear hermione encourage you and you sigh, stabbing the bite you were about to take when George sat down and shoving it in your mouth.

You chew it slowly, your stomach clenching at the thought of food entering it and not sure if it’s going to accept or reject it.

“Swallow.” George instructs, watching as your face crunches up as you try to figure out which way your stomach is going to go.

He knows that if you just take it slow, eventually when you get enough in your stomach it’ll be fine; it’ll be happy. It’s just getting you to that point he has to worry about.

~.~

Eventually you eat enough to please everyone and they let you head back to the common room. Granted, they all had to come along, George holding you up as you walk because of how weak you feel.

You all sit on the couch; Ron and Harry sitting next to each other, you leaning up against George as he holds you, and hermione sitting next to you on the other side of George.

“You guys don’t have to do this, you know.” You mumble, not really sure how to feel about your friends just sitting here in silence with you.

“What better way to show you that we’re here for you?” Ron responds, smiling at you.

“Yeah, you don’t have to talk if you don’t feel like it. All you have to know is that we’re here if you want to.” George agrees.

You smile slightly, your heart starting to feel something other than ache. How you got to be so lucky with these friends you weren’t sure. They were more than you could have ever asked for, but you really weren’t sure what you’d do without any one of them.

~.~

“How is she doing, Georgie?” You hear someone whisper in your half sleep.

You’re not sure quite how long ago it was, but you had fallen asleep laying there against George as your friends sat with you. As they promised, they weren’t trying to get you to talk, but just sat there so you knew you had them if needed.

It confused you as to how you were able to let George hold you and care for you so easily. You were sure you didn’t want either him or Fred around, but the second he was there you just gave in. Sure you had felt comfortable and safe with the two, but they were part of the reason you were hurting so bad. So why was it so easy to ignore that and let him comfort you?

“She’s in a lot of pain, Freddie. I can’t imagine for how long and I don’t know how long it’ll take her to start feeling better, but this wasn’t just some random outburst. I think she’s been holding a lot in and it finally just got to be too much.”

You sigh, turning slightly into the couch, trying to shut out the light and sound that had started to seep through. You were still so tired, all your sleepless nights finally catching up to you.

“I hate myself for making her hurt so much. I just, I really love her.” The first voice speaks, seeming to choke up at the end.

“I don’t think it’s us that upset her, Freddie. I get the feeling Will wasn’t as good to her as she pretends he was. Not to mention how much it messes with your head to be cheated on. On top of that, I get the feeling she has some pretty deep insecurities she hides real well normally.”

“I just want to help her. I want her to realize how much we love her and how amazing she is. Merlin, George.” The voice chuckles, sniffling a bit as if they were about to cry.

“I love you.” You mumble, not even realizing you’re saying it. All you know is that you need to. Your heart is finally starting to warm up and you know it’s because of the two redheads sitting here with you, even though you haven’t registered that’s who is with you. You know you love them and that they love you given the fact they’re both here with you, wanting to comfort you, even though you had said some pretty mean things to them.

Before you can register any of this, you’re fast asleep again, sighing contently as you unconsciously pull the blanket, that hermione had covered you with after a while, tighter around your shoulders.

The twins watch you happily. Confused, but happy. You have been through some pretty rough water, but maybe there is a chance for you three after all.

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livedsomanylives · 3 years

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I was tagged by @rvspberryjvm !! Thank you so much 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟💘💘💘

1. why did you choose your URL?

it's a line from a NIN song, 'I do not want this' that got stuck in my mind long ago. It says 'I've lived so many lives. All in my head' and the moment i heard it I thought yes. Sums me up and my inability to do reality pretty well.

2. any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

yep. a few. i've got @withoneheadlight, where i spend most my time here, in my beloved harringrove fandom <3, and then i have a few where i basically save things that interest me in different categories.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

uh, technically a few years?. I've had a few different accounts that I always ended up forgetting about. But had never really used tumblr until this past last year and a half.

4. do you have a queue tag?

I use the most simplistic 'queue' ... when I remember to put it on XD (which, I should, because I'm always so worried people think I'm in here ignoring them when in reality what I usually have is the longest queue)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

this one used to be my inspiration sterek blog for a fic I was writing at that time (4 years ago?) so there's basically all sterek at the bottom. but now I have @ivoryhead for that and this one has become my personal blog, since is my main.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

because billy hargrove in profile + light blue + a distant, cool sun? one of the most beautiful things i've ever seen. also, it has some sort of melancholy that just, gets to me.

7. why did you choose your header?

because that's Cannon Beach, where a few scenes from the goonies were filmed, and where are the rocks carved into the doubloon. I always end up mixing the goonies in everything I do because gosh, I'd live in the feeling of that movie if I could choose. 80s kids + pirate stories. doesn't get better than that for me.

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

oh, i dunno? probably is this dumb star wars/stormpilot comment xD

9. how many mutuals do you have?

I honestly don't know, but they all are amazing mutuals <3

10. how many followers do you have?

tbh i really like how tumblr doesn't show the follower count? i LOVE the ones i have (hiiiiiiiiiii!!! 😘😘😘) and it's always 🎉🎉🌟🌟🌟🎉🎉🎉 getting new followers but i still think is better that is hidden, for many different reasons.

11. how many people do you follow?

about 1000? Im just too lazy to go through my big-ass list and unfollow watever is inactive xD

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

if saying the first stupid thing that comes to my head in here is considered a shit post, then t o o m a n y.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

I love to check it bc is kinda like hanging around with all of you 🎉🎉 but I've been trying to reduce the number of times i do it bc i get eaaaaaasily distracted and also, neck pain ugh. phone bad BAD!

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

nope. never. sometimes i want to leave my opinion in some posts, but i still feel pretty insecure about the language, so i'm perpetually afraid of being misunderstood

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts

the ones with something good/bad is gonna happen if you don't reblog? i usually scream internally while i fast-scroll past them while both feeling like bwahhahaha! and scared shitless.

16. do you like tag games?

oh i LOVE tag games.

17. do you like ask games?

very very much. even if sometimes i repent bc it's hard for me to find the time to answer them xD.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

Idk but @chichipafarolillos is my personal superstar 💞💞💞💞💞

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

No crush but I really really 💗💗💗💗 my mutuals.

20. tags?

(forgot to publish this so you'all have probably been tagged already but!)

@memes-saved-me @jimhhawkins @fuckoldmansteve @smashmouth-hargrove @mourntheantagonist @catharrington @thestreetsatnight @lovebillyhargrove @foxie-herminah @disdaidal @c0bblenygma @inthelonelycoolbeforedawn @gothyringwald @swimbirdyswim @imnotyourmarypoppins @cherrydreamer @ihni @leatherr-n-lace @allaboardtheussharringrove @silentlylovingyourwork @wint3r-b0y @honeydewmelo @aeon-of-neon @mediocre--writing

#just in case #tagged!#xasklivedsomanylives

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causticsunshine · 3 years

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twenty questions

tagged by @are-you-quite-finished-giovanna thank you babe!! 🥰

1. why did you choose your url?

simply put i adore louis and i like purple and it just rolled off the tongue lol, but i also had a list of possible urls i also liked and i had to snatch this one up while i could!

2. any side blogs?

yes i have four....i'm not one of those 'everything goes on main and you can deal with it' type people.... but i have an inspiration blog @prickelndauge (art insp, lots of fashion, cool photography), an art-only blog @swmpwxtch, one just for spooky/creepy content because i'm really into horror manga and scary movies and that kind of stuff but i keep it off of main because i know a lot of it can often be triggering to others! (i also don't post much there but @bonepickng) and one for art references, life tips, random resources, and more donation sharing @am-ref!

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

soooo long i thought i'd be gone by now tbh. i know i signed up in 2011 after just browsing the site through random blogs and tags for ages, but i didn't start actively using my own account until early 2012!

4. do you have a queue tag?

when i actually remember to tag things i have queued i'll use 'i'm sleep queue' because all my early morning posts everyday are queued....i am an insomniac rip

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

keeping up with my interests better! i was like 15/16 at the time so it made sense. back in Ye Olde Days much like now—i really have come full circle lmao—it was mostly just for 1d and then some random tv shows/franchises i just to see content of semi-often, as well as finding cool art!

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

rn it's just a regular pic of louis! as much as i like using my collages or little edits as my icons, you can't see much of anything and it looks too busy sometimes (but also the photo i have rn....i am always thinking thoughts about it soooo)

7. why did you choose your header?

it's pretty! i wanted everything to follow a color scheme + i love embroidery and fancy gowns!

8. what's your post with the most notes?

ok i thought it was gonna be one of my old larry chibi doodles because i know a few of them hit 1k+ notes, but i deleted those in 2017 and apparently now it's this 6 year old like....funky photo study i did of dan howell from 2015 when i still watched him and amazingphil a lot?? i mean at least it's something i was once proud of lmao....there's a few art posts i have with semi decent notes that i pretend i Do Not See

9. how many mutuals do you have?

i think rn 40 something so not very many, although i unfollowed a lot of people i was moots with when i left my last fanbase so that's probably why 😬 i've been meaning to check out more HL/ot5 people though!! i love mutual interaction but i'm afraid of being annoying if i'm any degree of attentive

10. how many followers do you have?

overall i have almost 2.4k rn, but there's a decent amount that are totally inactive or at least don't interact with me so it feels like....a lot less lmao but since re-joining 1d i've already made up like all the people i lost when i left my other fanbase of almost three and more so thank you for actually liking my work and maybe me as well 🥺💗

11. how many ppl do you follow?

around 370 rn!

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

half of the stuff that comes out of my mouth is a shitpost fdngjkdf like my tags are bad enough lmao, no one needs to properly share the bs i have to say

13. how often do you use tumblr?

pretty regularly rn but there are times i'll go completely MIA depending on what i'm into/how busy i am!

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog?

in the past i have had some....issues with other people i've met on here but never directly had confrontation with them? most of the time that's happened i figure it's been one-sided though because i can get irritated with certain behavior really quickly—like i always say my heart is big and open but my bullshit tolerance is dangerously low—but when that's the case i'll just unfollow or block without saying anything?

although back in the day there was one instance (and seriously if anyone remembers this you deserve a medal because this shit was Ridiculous) where i kinda but not really called out another 1d fanartist who posted untagged noncon fanart they'd done of at least two of the boys, and then acted like it was no big deal (like. 1. those are irl people my dude and 2. untagged noncon art?? in front of my salad??) and their friends kept defending them for it and tried to come for me claiming i was a proponent of Purity Culture when i'm not and literally all i said in my post on it was that in my own opinion it was kinda fucked up to draw noncon art of real life people—not characters played by actors! but actual real people as themselves—in the first place, but if you felt the need to post highly triggering content like that the least you could do was tag it accordingly

but i think that was the last time properly so i guess times within this fanbase are still chaotic as ever just in a different way?

15. how do you feel about "you need to rb this" posts?

Annoyed™️ like don't guilt trip me over a post lmao i do what i want !!

16. do you like tag games?

YES i love to talk about myself after years of trying not to show any personality online out of fear of judgement dfjkngdf

17. do you like ask games?

yes! i want to do them more but i'm always afraid of reblogging one and then getting nothing and looking like a Fool :'(

18. which one of your mutuals is tumblr famous?

i guess i have a few moots that are kinda well-known or at least get good interaction within the community we're a part of? also isn't that phrase kind of an oxymoron at this point adfjkdf

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

not past platonic friendly affection lmao but honestly what is it like to have a realistic crush on an actual tangible person versus someone in the public eye who doesn't even know i exist.....it's been so long and i am so lonely please send help

20. tags?

@niallnailme @bolitodequeso @milkcurls @exzouis @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk @got-my-devotion @aliensyndrome uhhh anyone who'd like to please consider yourself tagged by me! literally if there was an 'all my moots' button i'd just pick that lmao and as always no pressure/sorry if you've already done this and i haven't seen!

#twenty questions tag #tagged #oh geez that's me

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g-perla · 4 years

Text

The ACOTAR Series is a Romantic/Gothic Horror Stage and Only Nesta Got the Memo

Not even SJM knows what’s going on.

Ok, this is going to seem off the rails but bear with me.

So I'm a big fan of Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë (top 5 books and all that jazz) and I was thinking about it because it deals with themes of the Other and the supernatural, Nature as Character, the overlap of the animalistic and human, blurring of established binaries...fun, Romantic shit like that. Interestingly, this overlaps with how SJM illustrates her world and characters a lot of the time, hence why I was considering it while working on my Nesta project. I’ve mentioned before that Nesta really gives me Byronic heroine vibes and that’s a character construct of precisely this literary tradition.

I started thinking about Heathcliff and Cathy and how they're ridiculously extra and just feel the most intense emotions towards each other but also towards literally everything (nothing half-assed ever, this is a Romantic novel after all). I then remembered how so many people ship them, but like in earnest, in a totally aspirational way. It's not a #cursed ship to them at all. It's...romantic to them not Romantic. I even read often that people quote it at their weddings, specifically the infamous "two souls" quote.

Then I had an epiphany. I was like "wait, what if SJM is one of those people?? What if she has the energy of a Cathy/Heathcliff earnest shipper and that's why all her ships are messy??" Because if that is the case, my friends, oh boy oh boy would it explain so much. I will post some sections from Wuthering Heights:

Doesn’t the acotar series seem like a 1/50 dilution of that energy?? And that is barely a taste of all the spiciness this book has to offer. To illustrate further: SJM gave us the F/eysand suicide pact and the near-death battlefield Nessian scene. One is certainly more outlandish than the other, but both are the result of intense emotions. To that Emily Brontë raises the following: Heathcliff asking the sexton to dig up Cathy’s grave to see what’s up because her ghost has been haunting him since he personally dug up her grave 18 years prior and she has been haunting him ever since. He later demands to be buried in the same exact grave when he dies so they can decompose together. They both married other people though which only adds to the mess. (I am not lying to you the Romantic tradition really gave us these gems lmao. As an aside, Mary Shelley was also a writer of the Romantic tradition and she confessed her love to husband Percy Bysshe Shelley on her mother’s grave. Her mother was liberal feminist icon Mary Wollstonecraft by the way which only makes this even more amazing. Additionally, biographers believe that the Shelleys also had sex there. Talk about Romantic 😉.)

Then I had ANOTHER thought! (Dangerous)

If we read the series from the point of view of just another YA high fantasy things might get a bit boring because the world-building is honestly lazy and the magic system is pretty soft, which isn’t a pre-requisite in high fantasy (The Lord of the Rings has a soft magic system) but it's not the norm and it doesn't pay off in this series. Not to mention that the plot is pretty lackluster and derivative. To add to that the romantic and sexual relationships are questionable in their healthiness and consequently are the source of much argument in the fandom.

But, dear reader, if we think about the ACOTAR series as being a sort of thematic and ideological 21st century YA homage to the Romantic tradition of the 19th century (within which Gothic Horror also lives), things get REALLY, REALLY SPICY.

No longer do we just have a romance fantasy with messy, hyper-emotional, animalistic characters who constantly partake in morally grey situations rife with dubious dynamics. No longer does plot really matter. No longer do we require quasi-scientific descriptions of the world and the magical system. No! All that matters now are the characters and the mood. Now we have potential! Add a lot of Nature ambiance: expanses of dark woods, great mountains, the unknowable and sublime energy of the ocean, a violent rainstorm/hurricane/tsunami, an impending snowstorm whose intensity reflects the growing emotional intensity of the characters as the story goes along (I’m looking at you impending snowstorm in acofas that curiously matches the growing complexity of Nesta’s emotional state). Blur the lines between any imaginable category: life and death, human and animal, known and unknown, Self and Other, beautiful and monstrous, good and evil, masculine and feminine, the list goes on. Most importantly make your readers uncomfortable by frustrating their desires to sort things into easy binary categories and don’t apologise for making them question their assumptions about the world, morality, gender, and any other kind of previously constructed Order.

Basically write the story with Dionysus-in-a-Greek-tragedy energy and bring to us mere mortals artful Chaos.

Once that is done we can have a literal Romantic/Gothic Horror story. The Acotar series could have been this unapologetically, with the added element of being told through the eyes of the "Cathy" character instead of through the lens of a third person getting second-hand accounts about what went on. This whole series is honestly enough of a chaotic mess of Byronic-like heroes and heroines and cursed familial relationships that it could have been that. That alone is peak entertainment. The problem, however, and the main reason why I can’t really say that this series truly delivered this wackiness is that SJM committed the act of not fully committing to the bit (very un-Romantic of her, I know). Now, I am not saying that SJM actually intended this. I’m just saying it really could have accidentally been this genius with some tweaks. Unfortunately, she made the crucial mistake of trying to justify too much, trying to make things too neat, too tidy, too sensical (in other words: the reason we really can’t have nice things).

I could end this here, lamenting the potential of what SJM had set-up for us were it not for one element, one gift:

Nesta

OHOHOHO DO THINGS GET GOOD HERE SO BUCKLE UP

Most of the characters refuse to fully commit to the bit in their desire to satisfy modern sensibilities, by which I of course mean they want ridiculous things like political power, to conquer lands, to be a Girl Boss, to get married, have kids, celebrate holidays, converse about mundane things, be relatable, etc. You know, pretty pedestrian stuff that only requires a bit of genetic luck, a sprinkle of energy, and the right circumstances within the world of Acotar. I would like to reiterate the beginning of this paragraph: most of the characters.

Let’s say you’re stubborn and you decide to still read the series through the lens of the Romantic/Gothic tradition, what happens then?

The most hilarious thing (for the Nesta stans that is. The antis would probably hate this)

Nesta, based on what we know about her through Feyre and the limited amount of other scenes, is the only character who really takes the performance seriously. She's the only one that SJM hasn't managed to confine through justification. Nesta just shows up and simply refuses to make sense (her POWER what a queen 👑). She is endlessly fascinating because she just exists in her world on her terms, established categories be damned, and in this manner she frustrates not only the sensibilities of the characters in the stories but those of the reader as well. This double duty is, I suggest, the result of the other characters not fully inhabiting the nebulous world of Romantic characters and thus being a little too plausible and understandable even if they are not justifiable.

Ok, you may say, but I relate so much to Nesta. I do understand her. I don’t justify all of her actions, but I understand where she is coming from. (You’re not alone, friend. I like to think these things too. Alas, we are but plebs).

To that I reply; Nesta does things, certainly, and we can spend hours trying to explain through extrapolation, educated guesses, and personal experience why she did those things, but the fact is we really don't know why. We are never explicitly told. Our insight into who she is and her motivations comes predominantly from the understanding of her youngest sister and from our own interpretation of the actions she takes. I must make clear that our own interpretations are rooted in pre-established assumptions about what is sensical and orderly in our own world and in our own lives. We cannot interpret with the tools available to us that which may be, by definition, unfathomable. It is simply paradoxical. Nesta, as we currently know her, is a construct derived from a limited number of scenes and our interpretations and projections of these scenes. Even the scenes where we get third person narration don’t explicitly tell us her motivations and her logic. For all we know there really is no comprehensible reason for her actions and that is endlessly amusing to me in how utterly Romantic it is. Acosf may and likely will change this of course, but as it stands, Nesta is a whole Romantic character. Her divisiveness in fandom and in the narrative could be due in part to her refusal to fit the discrete categories available in her world and ours.

Isn’t that wonderful?

To illustrate this a bit more I will share some details SJM gives us about her/ elements she sets up that fit in with the characteristics of the Romantic tradition (these are not exhaustive by any means):

The absolute pettiness (and extra-ness) of being so angry at her father’s inaction that she is willing to starve to death to see if he does something.

How in Acowae she is described as shifting between emotions as if she were changing clothes and feeling everything too strongly (probably to the point of destruction)

She is constantly being compared to animals, even when she is still human. Granted, SJM compares everyone to animals, but that strengthens the blurring of lines between usually discrete categories. It is still most powerful when used as a comparison when she is human because it dehumanises Nesta.

Often, SJM describes her characters as forces. Forces of nature, for example. Acofas is full of details like this in relation to Nesta. There is a storm brewing leading up to the solstice party and it is in full swing when she arrives at the townhouse. The language used there suggests that Nesta herself may be the storm (against the onslaught of Nesta). It really adds to the Maleficent energy tbh.

She is often associated with death post her transformation

She is Other even to Others. She was Made like Elain, Feyre, and Amren in a sense, but the process of her specific transformation differentiates her greatly from the others. As it is, she doesn’t fit in anywhere

Her intense attachment to her femininity and its expression are at odds with the ideas and assumptions about the performance of womanhood and a woman’s role in her world and even in ours. She is unapologetically feminine in her physical presentation, but her character, her thoughts, and possibly even desires transgress the unwritten rules of acceptable femininity (unfortunately there still are abject expressions of femininity in our ‘”progressive” mileux

She displays in many of her actions a disrespect towards authority and to the status quo. This is particularly notable when her intensely polarised sense of right and wrong is aggravated.

Her self-destructiveness. This is referred to most strongly in Acofas, but I would say she was remarkably blasé about self-preservation in Acowar as well

She is described as intelligent, cunning, ruthless, attractive, and prone to debilitating extremes of emotionality. All of these are characteristics of Byronic heroes, a subtype of the Romantic hero

Here are a bunch of quotes that touch on many of the elements that I have discussed above:

“I looked at my sister, really looked at her, at this woman who couldn’t stomach the sycophants who now surrounded her, who had never spent a day in the forest but had gone into wolf territory...Who had shrouded the loss of our Mother, then our downfall, because the anger had been a lifeline, the cruelty a release. But she had cared--beneath it she had cared, and perhaps loved more fiercely than I could comprehend, more deeply and loyally.”

--Acotar, emphasis mine, note the strong emotions. This is a recurring element for Nesta.

“Cassian’s face went almost feral. A wolf who had been circling a doe...Only to find a mountain cat wearing its hide instead.”

--Acomaf, animal comparison

“Nesta is different from most people,” I explained. “She comes across as rigid and vicious, but I think it’s a wall. A shield--like the ones Rhys has in his mind.” “Against what?” “Feeling. I think Nesta feels everything--sees too much; sees and feels it all. And she burns with it. Keeping that wall up helps from being overwhelmed, from caring too greatly.”

--Acomaf, emphasis mine

“I knew that she was different [...] Nesta was different [...] as if the Cauldron in making her...had been forced to give more than it wanted. As if Nesta had fought after she went under, and had decided that if she was to be dragged into hell, she was taking the Cauldron with her.”

--Acomaf, Nesta had her own plans for the Cauldron what a queen

“Something great and terrible.”

--Acowar, referring to her eyes. Oooh, spooky Nesta 👻

“The day she was changed, she...I felt something different with her [...] like looking at a house cat and suddenly finding a panther standing there instead.”

--Acowar, a two in one here: difference + animal comparison. Boy does SJM really go heavy when establishing Nesta as Other.

“‘Not in flesh, not in the thing that prowls beneath our skin and bones...’ Amren’s remarkable eyes narrowed. ‘But...I see the kernel, girl.’ Amren nodded, more to herself than anyone. ‘You did not fit--the mold that they shoved you into. The path you were born upon and forced to walk. You tried, and yet you did not, could not fit. And then the path changed.’ A little nod. ‘I know--what it is to be that way. I remember it, long ago as it was.’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’“

--Acowar, show don’t tell gets thrown out the window here, but it is useful for the present purposes

“What if I tell you that the rock and darkness and sea beyond whispered to me, Lord of Bloodshed? How they shuddered in fear, on that island across the sea. How they trembled when she emerged. She took something--something precious. She ripped it out with her teeth. What did you wake that day in Hybern, Prince of Bastards?

What came out was not what went in [...] How lovely she is, new as a fawn and yet ancient as the sea. How she calls to you. A queen as my sister once was. Terrible and proud; beautiful as a winter’s sunrise.”

--Acowar, who knew rocks, darkness, and the sea were such gossips, but look how many connections to nature! To be compared to the sea, a significant example of the sublime, is peak Romanticism. If any of you have read Moby Dick, think about what the ocean and the white whale might have represented there and how that might relate to Nesta.

“I think the power is death--death made flesh.”

--Acowar, Feyre referring to the possible nature of Nesta’s power. Alluding to her powers possibly being related to death is quite significant because that is something most of us cannot comprehend, nor can most of the characters. For Nesta, a “reborn” but very much living character to have death associated with her is a strong blurring of the lines. The case of her being labelled a witch is similarly significant as it solidifies the elements of the supernatural while simultaneously comparing her to pretty much the only exclusively female-coded monster in western pop culture. I will touch more on this when I do my study of Nesta through the framework of Barbara Creed’s Monstrous Feminine.

“I am not like the others.”

--Acowar, we love a self-aware queen.

“Nesta took in his broken body, the pain in Cassian’s eyes, and angled her head.

The movement was not human.

Not fae.

Purely animal.

Purely predator.”

--Acowar

There are a lot more details and quotes that support this interpretation, but I didn’t write them all down in my archived notes. This post is obscenely long, however, so even though there is more to be said, I’ll leave it for another day. If you made it this far you really are an MVP and probably love Nesta to a concerning degree like me. Please rest your eyes if you’re actually reading this 😂

I’d love to read about any other takes and thoughts that might have come to your minds after reading this monstrosity,

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just-mango · 3 years

Note

Hey there my fruity friend,

Your waffle is enroute having been given departure clearance from Heathrow Airport.

In the mean time, you mind answering these fanfic questions?

2, 25, 35

Love ya mango!

Ohhhh heck yeah Ill be waiting at the airport to pick up a single waffle. Ngl I jumped seeing an ask and it took potato brain a little too long to remember what was going on. But here you go. Welcome to this gal won’t stop talking if given the chance.

2. Why do you write fanfiction?

This question gives me a crisis! WHY DO I DO THIS?? Baby’s first fic came out of nowhere. I didn’t really read a whole lot but there was one writer I followed and loved and they always replied to my comments and one day I was hit with a bolt of inspiration and started my first fic. Slammed down a few thousand words and immediately posted. Fav writer came in and I was so excited. (They’re inactive now and it still makes me sad even though this was like 5 years ago.)

I think more than anything I love to tell stories but am absolute garbage at talking to people. Somehow writing became the way I was able to communicate and interact with others. (Ironic considering fic has the absolute lowest interaction rate. I used to religiously keep track of numbers and it hurt, stopped that real quick. Life is pain.) It’s also like one of the only true outlets I have since I live in *conservative nightmare land.*

This just keeps getting longer but I have such a weird relationship with writing. Absolutely hated it for the longest time. It wasn't until the first college course I actually started to enjoy it. Call it therapy. Call it the source of my pain. Writing is fun. Editing on the other hand ⚆ _ ⚆ Let’s just say there’s a nest of a disorganized docs I really need to sort out. Or at least title so I know what’s in there.

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

Hyper fixation brain has done nothing but that for three years. It says the biggest one is a modern AU that I know I’ll never write since it is just a lot of pothole yeehaw land and there’s another thing I’m starting to draft that’s going to be the death of me. The General rundown of the mod AU is that Dina’s going to school for physical therapy-type stuff, and Ellie does natural science and is trying to be a park ranger cause why not. They do stuff and things and are cute and spicy. There’s angst because if Ellie can’t be immune by god I'll give her something else to worry about… Idk I have a lot of scattered ideas that could just be a loosely correlated one-shot series? I wrote like the first twoooish chapters and a few random sections and just never really expanded on it.

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

Uhhhhhh given all the freedom brain said here, have some tv static. I started making a draft for the first time ever. I’ve gotten to the point that this idea is massive and there are multiple things happening and I have too much going on to get it out fast enough. At first, I wasn’t going to write this idea. I think the first few chaps I wrote about two years ago and said no focus on one story at a time. Buuut it just waited in back of the brain simmering and growing to the point I had to go, dangit fine. Misty trees was around 80K and I think I wrote most of that in 3-4 months since I had super light work/school load. I already know big boi is going to be at least twice that and it scares the shit outta me. Like with my current work school load it would easily take a 8-12 months to have it mostly written out. Like Yowza. Spicy meatball. Fork a beta would be nice. For now, I’ve got a big ole list of bullet points I’m trying to fill out so I don’t forget things like I did with Village. (Sorry but uhhhh cutting a lot of stuff for later) Man, it's going to be a minute since there’s another guy that’s more finished and has priority. This is my liiiife. Any drafting tips would be appreciated. 0.o

I guess there’s also my character wrangling excel sheet. I could post a pic of that since It’s peak nerdy but sometimes I lose track of OC’s and making a list was faster than trying to do math at 2am.

#ask #ask meme #hell yeah I love this things #make me ramble about things I love? Yes please

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put-a-lil-alright-in-the-world · 4 years

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big boy announcement time

hiya, y’all! this is a post i’ve had scheduled for about a month now because otherwise i feel like i’ll be a little coward and back out. but, deep breath, here goes.

i’m going to be going permanently inactive on this blog, starting tomorrow. it sucks, but this website is taking up a lot of my time and i really do have to focus more on my school stuff and extracurriculars, and that’s kinda tough when i’m also spending hours on here. my fic will hopefully continue to update, but it’ll be exclusively on ao3 (find me at @maketheworldalittlecolorful on ao3!)

i won’t be deactivating my blog, though, because i want my hc lists and other writing to remain in one place in case anyone wants to peep em (here’s hoping!)

i’m gonna miss you guys a ton! seriously, it’s been a lot of fun here, and i’ve really liked writing for and interacting with you all. this is an insanely talented fandom, and i’m really happy i had the chance to be a part of it. if you wanna message me, i’ll be checking asks and messages for the rest of the day!

thank you to the people who encouraged me to actually write stuff and made me feel like my contributions were valid, and thank you SO MUCH to the people who made their own contributions! i literally read every fic i could find, and there are some crazy talented people here. and if you’re someone who’s still writing a fic that i’m reading, i promise i’ll keep following it on ao3 (@daydreaming-jessi i will forever be addicted to i’m a bunch of broken pieces!)

and...what would a final exeunt be without a couple of hot takes that i’ve been keeping inside for a while? so lemme drop em here now that any sort of harassment i receive will be falling on deaf (or rather, inactive) ears:

calling those who criticize the glorification of pedophilia “fascists” and “nazis” is actually really harmful. it turns “fascist” and “nazi” into buzzwords that you use to attack people who disagree with you, and considering the resurgence of fascist and nazi ideals in recent years, is just not in good taste.

“Libel” and “Defamation” are synonyms, and also probably don’t mean what you think they do. sorry.

Simulated CP (e.g. drawings of child porn) is actually illegal and the only reason that people aren’t calling the police on those who create it is because of the anonymity the internet provides. it’s the same reason that you can post on here that you use illegal drugs, but you probably won’t get arrested for it. it’s not about the legality, it’s about the fact that there’s simply no way for us to provide an address when reporting.

your past can explain, but not excuse your actions, especially when they are harmful towards others. a past of abuse or neglect or anything else should never be wished upon others, but you also can’t use it as a blanket statement to justify anything you want to do or say to others. especially as an adult, you need to seek healthy ways to deal with your past that don’t involve attacking teenagers online

beetleb*bes may not all be pedophiles, but they all glorify pedophilia. if you are writing or drawing romantic and sexual interactions between a minor and an adult in a positive light, you are glorifying pedophilia. and if you do so, don’t get mad when actual pedophiles suddenly seem to be really comfortable around you.

graphic descriptions of sexual acts are not a clever response to genuine criticism. sorry.

and, finally, if you’re an adult who spends your days attacking kids because they disagree with you on fandom discourse, you should a) stop immediately because that’s harassment, and b) seek help because that’s just not healthy. i think y’all can probably guess which adult woman i’m referring to here. and if you are her and you happen to be reading this, just know that i honestly found your constant harassment funny (albeit a little sad). i didn’t post your asks because unfortunately you and your negativity don’t deserve a place on my blog. i cultivate a happy space, and i’m sorry that that angered you as much as it apparently did. you don’t have nearly as much power as you think you do, and outside the context of fandom you’re just a sad woman who spends her time harassing teenagers online. sorry.

anyways, that’s the tea, as the kidz say. if you disagree, feel free to send me an anon or whatever, but i’ll likely never see it on account of the whole “leaving this website” thing. i hope y’all do get a chuckle out of it if this ends up on that godawful receipts blog.

sincerely, though, i will miss you guys. i hope you guys enjoyed some of the stuff i wrote, or my awful memes, or anything else i brought to the fandom. i also hope i have some sort of legacy here, even if it’s just with starting all of my headcanons with “ok so”. i’m sad to be leaving, but it’s on to bigger and better things for me, and this blog is just taking up so much of my time. you’re all so cool, and keep on keeping on.

yours,

remy <3

#i'm gonna miss you guys #but there are things this kid must do that simply cannot happen when i'm spending hours a day on here #<3 #and i say this for the last time....#remy speaks

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dearmrsawyer · 4 years

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attempting a bit of looking back and looking forward!

work stuff

wow. last year. what an unanticipated RIDE? good? bad? spectrum? my supervisor spent the first half of the year alternating between working from New Zealand and taking unpaid leave, both to stay with his elderly mother, and was deliberately very hands off during that period. I’ve always worked with very little oversight, but there were regularly decisions to be made that i considered above me. i spent a lot of this time floundering, mostly because he had indicated to me that he was going to resign, but didn’t do so until three months after telling me this, so i was never sure if i should defer to him, whether he cared, whether it was worth it since he would be gone shortly after making a decision, or whether i should wait because i didn’t want to be bound to a decision that may end up hurting the work i would need to do after he was gone.

it felt like six months of frustration and inaction on my part, and by the time he officially resigned in June i didn’t have time to deal with much of the decisions left pending through all this, because we were due to launch an online course that sucked up the second 6 months of the year lol. I knew it was coming but i had no idea of the timeline. i was brought in about 2 weeks before the course needed to go live, NOT ideal since i was the one responsible for all content on our online learning platform. which we upgraded! and so i had to relearn! and the course content was all modified from the face-to-face version i’m familiar with! All i remember from June/July is downloading all the apps i used at work onto my phone so i could keep adding things to my to-do lists from bed at 1am. i remember not sleeping much and editing online content at 9pm and having the Head of Health email me back to take the rest of the night off LOL. i am the kind who needs to finish a task in one sitting/have only minor loose ends to tie up because if i come back to it the next day i need to go over everything i did yesterday, since the act of sleep performs a full memory wipe on all my mental systems.

anyways it calmed down after July but it still took up the bulk of my workload for the rest of the year, so the rest of my duties (i.e. everything else that happens in the library because i am the one (1) library staff member D:) were really shafted. I feel really bad about that because i know the library suffered, but i also know there’s nothing i could do about it.

however i was also promoted to my supervisor’s old position so i’m officially Head of the library now!!!! i do feel like i earned it, and to be honest it won’t really change my role at all, my opinion will probably just be asked for more often. as i said, i always had very little oversight, partially because my supervisor trusted me to work independently, and partially because he split his role as an academic, so being head of the library was only 10% of his role. so thankfully there was no learning curve involved in this new role, its just business as usual! which is great because i truly didn’t have time for a learning curve lol! i got a bit of a raise, and i’ll be more involved in decisions that impact the library. i anticipate i will still be left out of the loop at times, purely because myself and the library live on the ground floor, and everyone else works on level 2. so the library falls into the trap of out of sight, out of mind very often, not through any malice, but because its just forgotten. in the last year though, maybe as a result of my supervisor leaving, i feel like the colleagues i’m closer to have put great effort into reaching out to me anytime they know a conversation that will affect the library is being had. this has really made me feel like i’ve got people looking out, so i still expect the library will be forgotten semi-regularly but that’s out of my control, and i will just do what i can with the help of friends!

so, goals: try to give all areas of the library equal attention, um perhaps convince someone to let me hire a second staff member lol??, maybe get a standing invite to one of the committees with executive staff so i can be in the loop on what’s like... happening generally, oh god sort out the ebook situation (currently: non existent and confusing to consider)

me stuff

due to a combination of factors (a few months of nausea, unbearable outdoor conditions, laziness) i didn’t start my usual six months of exercising before i once again switch off all movement for the winter months lol. since no longer having a dog, going on walks/jogs became really un-fun, but in the last few years i’ve found a new routine. i didn’t get back into this routine when i normally would, and my holiday ends this week, but i’m thinking i might loosen my plan this year. i’ve been good at eliminating any sense of guilt attached to ‘fitness’ the last few years, and replacing it with a satisfaction in feeling the capability of my own body. so my plan is, use the structure of a work week to build up my exercise routine, use more work mornings to try and fit in some exercise, go into work a little later when i want to because there are no repercussions on me or the library, and once winter hits try to go back to morning walks/jogs because they’re more bearable at that time of year. just to keep up some kind of activity year-long instead of stopping altogether.

my success in finishing killjoys last year taught me i should really trust in myself to write something i don’t think i’ll be able to write. i’ve got another idea (less ambitious) that i feel would be best written by someone else, but i’m eager to write it anyway! courageous writing! i was also successful at writing more casually with all the tiny pokemon pieces, and hope to continue writing casually. yesterday i listened to a BBC reading of Neil Gaiman’s short story Chivalry, and it reminded me why i love Gaiman’s short stories so much. i’ve always found short stories fairly unpalatable for my own tastes, because of the dissection involved, the hidden messages that take me back to critical reading in university. and critical reading is a GREAT thing, but when i just want a story? i’ve always found short stories impenetrable. But Gaiman’s short stories are so ‘i had a neat idea, here’s 1500 words, thanks for your time’. LOL like they don’t GO anywhere? there are still often layers that critical reading will pull out but sometimes its just like ‘here’s a concept, enjoy’. and i love that idea of no pressure writing! just here’s an idea! i got nothing else, i just like the idea! so here’s to more of that!

also i remember at the start of the year i said i wanted to be more engaged in the community i have on here, and for the first few months of the year really felt like i was failing. a lot of it was a side effect of all the uncertainty at work bleeding into my general state of being, my own emotional state in other areas, working through being a living person etc lol, but as the year wore on i really felt like i did do that! i’ve met more of you on here, interacted either a) more widely, or b) more deeply with some of you, and i feel like i’ve ‘played’ more, and i’ve loved it.

oh also my 2019 reading mission was to pull out any books i’d owned for 5-10 years, bought at another point in my life journey, and try as many as i could with the goal to get rid of any that no longer appealed to me. and i culled a healthy number of books! so this year is going to be about reading books i’m most excited to read. we’re following passion this year!

#key word: attempting #i've been writing this post in bits and pieces all week #its been hard to self reflect with the state australia is in but i go back to work next week and i wanted to do it before then #this is just thorough enough to probably be considered too long #so just long enough in my books!#tp

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whyiloveparkjimin · 5 years

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Regarding Online Trolling and Bullying

I have been involved in K-pop for quite a while—since 2005 actually (I was a huge fan of the five-member TVXQ and since then I’ve been a staunch supporter of various K-pop groups). I’ve seen K-pop acts come and go, and I’ve seen the fandom change in incredible ways. It’s amazing to witness the growth of the fandom particularly outside of Korea—I went from being the weird girl listening to Asian music to now someone who was ahead of her time, haha. I love that the internet brings so much exposure to the amazing talent in Korea, and I love seeing so many more non-Korean fans like myself engage in promoting their favorite groups.

Of course, there is never light without a shadow. While I’m proud of how well the K-pop fandom promotes our favorite artists to grow our numbers almost every day, I’m also heartbroken at the increased number of online trolls and bullying.

Here’s the thing—and I’m sure you knew it was coming —I love f(x). I liked them from the beginning, and I was sad when Sulli left the group. After she left, she made a lot of choices in her personal life that were controversial in the conservative society she lived in. I even remember being mildly shocked by her behavior every once in a while. But here’s the thing—I would never, never, waste time trying to publicly criticize her or try to get others to band together with me to publicly condemn her choices. What is the point in that? She was not engaged in criminal behavior (which is the only behavior that I think is appropriate to publicly condemn). Why would I spend my time and energy pulling someone down when I could spend my time promoting and building up the people I love?

Even if Sulli wasn’t on my list of top favorite idols, I still cared about her. I was sad knowing how much crap she got from nameless internet bullies. And look—when news of her death came out, even when it was not a confirmed suicide because there was no suicide note—everyone already knew why she died. Everyone in the entertainment industry widely knew how much she had been bullied by trolls. And here’s the thing: NO ONE DID ANYTHING WHILE IT WAS HAPPENING. Not her agency, not other non-troll fans. It took her death to wake us up from complacency.

Now, I want to use another example. Sulli was widely known to receive more hate comments than support comments. But what about more popular celebrities? Do they deserve defending as well?

Let’s use my current Kpop bias Park Jimin from BTS as an example. He is regarded as one of the most popular figures in pop music at the moment and gets plenty of love from fans all over the world. In fact, he broke a record on his birthday: for a while the top 20 Twitter trending hashtags were all for Jimin. That’s a lot of worldwide love. However, later that day his anti-fans made a hate Jimin hashtag trend in Korea at #2. I can’t tell you how angry that made me—and not just because Jimin is my bias. It doesn’t matter that the love and support he receives is more than that of the hate. The thing is, that kind of relentless, senseless hate of anti-fans is exactly the sort of thing that killed our sweet Sulli. What kind of people are so threatened by the success of an entertainer they don’t personally like that they make sure to send him tens of thousands of hate messages on his birthday?

It’s those who gain some sort of twisted satisfaction by being cruel. They are people who either don’t bother to understand or don’t care about the far-reaching mental effects of what they do. Now, bullying is sadly something most people deal with in some form in their lives. It’s kind of normal between siblings and on the elementary school playground. But there comes a point where we are old enough to understand that words hurt and can leave scars upon the soul. There comes a point where we are old enough to understand that there is a difference between ‘just expressing your opinion’ and being purposefully malicious. RM once confessed that he had spent 5 hours, even 5 days thinking about hate comments like “I hate him” that were written in a 5 mere seconds by some individual online [who probably never thought about that careless comment again]. Becoming famous does not magically make you mentally immune to cruelty. It doesn’t matter how popular or unpopular a celebrity is. Purposefully cruel comments are mentally damaging to those whom the comments are written about. End of argument.

Here’s the important part. I understand that most of us aren’t internet trolls ourselves. But (and I’ve been guilty of this myself) when we do nothing to speak out against trolls or to stop this toxic internet culture, we are basically giving malicious bullies the green light to continue and spread their behavior. Forgive the extreme example, but it’s like the people who rolled over and did nothing while the Nazis took control in parts of Europe in the 1930s and 40s. History will judge us for not speaking out against hateful rhetoric, whether expressed against celebrities or non-celebrities, while the mental health of hundreds of thousands of people declines because of our inaction.

So what can we do? Report trolls. Block nasty people. Don’t follow sasaeng accounts even if they reveal what you think is interesting information/photos of your favorite idols—these fake fans are basically stalkers who intrude on idols’ privacy, and we should not condone such behavior. Don’t spread rumors. It’s okay at some level to have fun and speculate as long as you clearly state you are only guessing—don’t spread a theory as truth just because you’d like to believe it’s true.

There’s even a way to call out your online friends in a kind way when they’re engaging in toxic public comment culture. Perhaps say something like, “Hey, instead of spending time hating on ____, why don’t we just spend our time building awareness and clout for those celebs we do support?” We all can and should do more to promote behavior that is healthy and supportive instead of cruel and destructive. In a world that grows ever meaner and petty, with even our political leaders using social media to attack others, let’s be the ones that start the change. Let’s be the generation to be proud of by fighting maliciousness with kindness.

Kindness is never something you’ll regret when you look back on your life. Mean and harsh words that cut others down will never be something to look back with pride on. Let’s all be the change we wish to see.

If this post resonates with you, please consider reblogging it. It’s a message worth spreading.

#anti-bullying #anti-trolling #kindness on the internet #change toxic culture online #be the change you wish to see #park jimin #have courage and be kind

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ivory-insanity · 4 years

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is: canon / oc / au / slightly canon-divergent / fandomless

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK. Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK. Are they underrated? Y E S / NO. Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO. Were they relevant for the main character? Y E S / NO / THEY’RE (literally) CONNECTED TO THE PROTAG. Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO. ( everyone knows ichigo has an inner hollow, but no one really knows him ) How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon? — I try to follow canon almost to the point, particularly for characterization purposes. unfortunately, trying to take canon development away from shirosaki / hollow ichigo is detrimental to him. without his connection to being the inner hollow of ichigo, most of his personality is taken along with it, leaving him with almost nothing in terms of character ( i won’t go into detail here ).

i fully stand by my statement that without all the canon events, he is not shirosaki & would become a different person/muse entirely.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals. — honestly ??? he’s literally the only instance of a highly intelligent & humanoid hollow that is NOT an arrancar. most of them are "forced” evolutions & they took in shinigami powers with its power, which put them down an evolution line different from the hollow one. they have most likely gained traits that shiro DOES NOT HAVE. he is not an evolution. his soul is entirely hollow, a derivative of white & nothing else. he is a base hollow that was made and became a zanpakuto spirit through unforeseen methods. he’s new. he’s unknown. he is entirely different from an arrancar & almost can’t be compared to one.

every single part of his being is a contradiction. he’s a hollow & and a zanpakuto. he’s destructive & protective of ichigo’s soul, even if they are for selfish reasons. there is a not a shadow of a doubt that he’s the only person of his kind, so any character in the entire series ( aside from ichigo ) will be faced with something new. will be faced with an unknown. his entiRE EXISTENCE IS INTERESTING and terrifying at the same time.

not to mention, have you seen how he fights ???

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?). — for one, he’s untrustworthy, he’s suspicious, he’s a maniac that will attack at first attack. i would say it is pretty common to avoid him. & he would avoid everyone too cause that’s how he is. not to mention the fact he is trapped inside ichigo & has little to no screentime.

tbh i don’t blame people who skip from entirely & just make him off as some sort of plot armor. without digging into it, it’s pretty hard to catch a substantive personality. in the long run, he didn’t do much for canon.

What inspired you to rp your muse? — LOOOL see. he was my favorite character and that’s really it. he was just a cool character at the time, but he’s been really fun since he feels so different from writing other characters.

What keeps your inspiration going? — kari. i don’t even need to say more. writing with other people has been a blast & i truly love everyone here, but without her i probably wouldn’t still be on tumblr right now. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO. ( all of shirosaki’s portrayals across the fandom varies immensely & i don’t think one is more inherently wrong or right, but i think my version is done very well in terms of keeping within what appears in canon. ) Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO. Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES very sometimes / NO. Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO. ( see: my discord pms with kari ) Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO. Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO. Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal? — i gladly take criticisms !! i have never read the manga of bleach & i actually don’t remember much of the series in general, so i am confident there are things i miss that are either directly or indirectly related to shiro. & i am also sure there are better ways to approach & ‘justify’ some of his more odd actions in the series, so please go ahead and critique me all you like !! however, i will note that if i can find evidence to argue against a criticism, i will most likely not take it.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character? — absolutely <3 questions are very important because they make you think about things that you may not have thought about before. exploring things about shiro is one of my favorite things to do because of just how he is.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why? — yes, i would want to know why. when it comes to arguments or disagreements, i am very adamant about how they should go. arguments must include insights on both sides in a mature manner, so you can learn from both perspectives. who knows, you might see something you like & decide to combine it into something entirely new.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it? — just fine. with shirosaki especially, i don’t think one person has the same idea about him as another LOL in fact, i’m pretty confident many views between me & friends go against each other. there are so many ways to interpret him due to a lack of canon material, it’s just bound to happen.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it? — i’d think you’re a little crazy tbh. that or you missed everything that made him interesting. i may get not seeing much in him & ignoring him but omg i don’t really get how you could hate him ??? tybw solidified that idea even more, but eh. if you hate him, you hate him. don’t bring that hate over to me :P

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors? — yes. i am a grammar disaster. literally the worst. fuck grammar, man.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun? — uh. depends on who you speak to ??? i’m pretty intimidating at the first few glances, i’ve been told L O L. but i am actually very very very easy going & am okay with a lot of things. also i crave social interaction like all the time so.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out! tagged by: @deivorous ( i enjoyed ur response btw ) Tagging: the problems of me being inactive & a small blog in general LOOOL idk who has done this so whoever has not, please feel free to take it :> these are fun to read

#ooc;#headcanon;#whoop #listen i know people going to be disagreeing with me on shiro not being anything like an arrancar but i won't take it L OL #cause he's not #that's how it be #sorry guys #¯\_(ツ)_/¯#this was fun thoooo thank u for the tag plou i love you

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bentonluna · 4 years

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10 Steps to Attract the Life You Want

By Heather Mathews Author of Manifestation Miracle

“What you seek is seeking you.” - Rumi If I told you that you could create the exact type of circumstances you want, would you call me crazy? What if your very thoughts could create ripples of change that not only impact your life… …but those around you as well? Philip, a call center worker from the Philippines certainly didn't think so. He dreamed of moving overseas so he could secure a better life and provide for his family. But at every turn, his own mind shut down every opportunity he thought of. For instance, Philip considered seeing an immigration consultant, but he either “didn't have the time” or “couldn't afford it”. So, he resented his situation and cursed himself (and the world) for his “bad luck”. He didn't realize that the real culprit was his mindset - not his circumstances. And it seemed like the more he ruminated, the more bad things happened. Thus, he kept feeding the cycle of being stuck in a rut and feeling bad, trapping him even more. That was, until his aunt Sara introduced him to the Law of Attraction. Turning the tide Before she moved to California, Sara had been close with Philip and treated him like a son. She had her own share of struggles finding greener pastures abroad, but she applied the principles from the Law of Attraction to overcome them. So she sent a few books on the topic to Philip through Amazon so he could gain the clarity to turn his life around. Click Here To Discover the Lazy Person's Secret To Get Everything You've Ever Wished For At first, Philip didn't really think much of it, but he decided to read through the books since his aunt went through the trouble of sending it over. After he started applying the lessons he learned from the material, things started to change for him. It came as a complete shock to Philip - he never thought in a million years that making a simple shift in his thinking could have such a direct and POWERFUL impact in his life. And soon enough, the fog of negativity and despair around Philip lifted and he found a way to make his dreams happen. Through his persistence, he was eventually able to borrow the money he needed for the consultation fees, and learned the step-by-step process to get work overseas. Philip was finally able to find a fulfilling and rewarding career in Australia. Not only does he get to support his family back home, he also made friends and enjoys his new life abroad. Just a few months ago, Philip's parents started their own business, thanks to his help. At the rate they're going, his family could save enough so they can pass on their business to another relative and follow Philip to Australia. ould wait for Philip to take the offer so they can move there instead. Whatever option Philip chooses, the possibilities for him are almost limitless. But he's just one of thousands who made the Law of Attraction to work for him. Like Philip, a lot of people are initially discouraged to try because they think it takes a lot of work. But the reality is that it's surprisingly easy to get started. You just need to follow these 10 Super Simple Steps to Attract Everything You've Ever Wanted: Step #1: A little gratitude goes a long way The first thing you should learn about the Law of Attraction is that it operates on energy. YOUR energy, to be exact. Everyone has a different kind of energy they bring into the world, and it affects them in ways they often don't see or appreciate. The secret lies in the FREQUENCY of a person's energy - and you need to raise yours in order to change your life. Think of your unique energy as a sort of gas that fills the space of your reality. Whatever “gas” or “energy” you pump out into your immediate space will define your existence. Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, said this in his book, “Man's Search for Meaning”: “To draw an analogy: a man's suffering is similar to the behavior of a gas. If a certain quantity of gas is pumped into an empty chamber, it will fill the chamber completely and evenly, no matter how big the chamber. Thus suffering completely fills the human soul and conscious mind, no matter whether the suffering is great or little. Therefore the "size" of human suffering is absolutely relative.” So if you want to invite great things into your life, you need to set the stage first. And you can do that by leading with the right energy. That's why being grateful and appreciating what you have is powerful way to re calibrate your frequency. Most folks hold off on feeling this way for AFTER they get what they want. But that's putting the cart before the horse, as the saying goes. When you LEAD with gratitude, it will act as the precedent for everything good that follows. Click Here To Discover the Lazy Person's Secret To Get Everything You've Ever Wished For What I like to do is start of my day by making a list of things that I'm grateful for. If I miss anything, I save it for later and update my list at the end of my day. And when I go over my list during the weekend, I'll see exactly how much good stuff I've accumulated. This creates a kind of snowball effect and helps me attract even MORE good stuff down the road. Step #2: Be generous This can be a challenge for some people if they feel like there isn't enough to go around. But if you take the initiative to SHARE whatever you can without asking anything in return… … you'll generate the kind of energy that attracts prosperity for everyone… …including YOU. Again, this is the Law of Attraction at work. Try offering your time, talents and material wealth to those who need it - you'll soon invite blessings without even trying. Step #3: Visualize your future What I find amazing about kids is how powerful their imaginations are. When they role-play with other children, you can see in their eyes how REAL their games are to them. This is something that's lost on grown-ups, and it's important to recapture that ability to envision the kind of reality you want. The Universe likes to play games with us- the better you are at visualizing, the more you'll be rewarded. Like I said, a certain type of energy attracts a certain kind of reality. So if you focus your energy and thoughts on that dream job you want or the car you've always wanted to drive, you'll raise your frequency to ATTRACT those exact things. Step #4: Let the negativity pass When the bad times roll in and you feel like dirt, sometimes it's better to step aside and let it run its course. Having negative thoughts and emotions are totally normal, but you don't always have to wrestle with them. You can simply acknowledge what's going on in your inner world - then CHOOSE to keep moving forward anyway. Let this negative energy pass through your system like bad case of gas. The sooner you let it do its thing, the quicker you can get back to what you were doing. (Sorry for the fart analogy, but it get the point across, doesn't it?) Step #5: Never stop growing It's good to have a daily routine in your life, but not at the expense of your personal development. Most people are so set in their ways that they're afraid of the thought of doing something new. Then they complain about their humdrum lives, or that some folks “have all the luck.” Breaking out of your comfort zone is never an easy thing, but it's a step worth taking. No matter how loaded your schedule is, find some chunks of time to do things that will help you grow. Whether it's taking an online course, joining a community, or taking up a hobby, this is a powerful way to attract new and exciting things in your life. Step #6: Avoid the “toxic” crowd There are people who seem hell-bent on pulling others into their world of misery. Whether they're trying to lessen their own pain or simply enjoy doing it, you need to steer clear of them. Instead, choose people who will have the opposite effect on your psyche. Not only does a person's energy attract circumstances, it's also CONTAGIOUS. So make sure you hang out with the people who'll inspire you to achieve greater things - and not bring you down with apathy or inaction. Click Here To Learn How to Force the Universe to Manifest Your Dream Life Step #7: Give yourself permission to succeed Most of the world's most brilliant people were put down in some way. Somewhere along the way, someone told them they'd “never make it” or were “destined to fail.” In your own life, certain people have tried to discourage you in some way. They might have tried putting you down when you were growing up - or it could have been last week. It doesn't matter. What's important is that you understand that NO ONE can put labels on you. And more importantly, they can NEVER give you permission to achieve what you want in life. You need to do that for yourself. Don't let their words define your “story”. You don't have to fit whatever petty narrative they're trying to force on you. Step #8: Affirm who you are Instead of feeding into the lies that people tell you, let this be the day to start living your truth. Create statements that embody the truth you choose to be, AND to live in. People do this all the time. When Elon Musk tried to launch the world's first privately owned rocket and failed, he told himself, “I'm going to try again, and I WILL get that thing into orbit.” (Well, maybe not exactly like that, but you get the point.) And so his company SpaceX went back to the drawing board and got it right after the third attempt. Elon affirmed his truth and it manifested into reality. In the same way, you can choose to affirm whatever truth applies to you. Be honest with yourself and acknowledge the things that TRULY matter to you. You know it, and the Universe knows it. The key is to repeat it yourself every day. For example, if you know deep in your heart that you want to make a better life for yourself, you can say something like this: “I may be struggling right now, but I know deep inside that I have what it takes to improve my life. I see myself transforming into a happier, wealthier person who makes other people's lives brighter.” When you operate from even the tiniest shred of truth, you can grow that into a powerful force over time. Step #9: Fail spectacularly Here's something most people don't know about the Law of Attraction: before you can enjoy success and find true happiness, you need to crash and burn. It's better to go after what you want and risking failure rather than playing it safe and not trying at all. To create order in your life, you'll have to embrace the chaos that comes before it. This is where you'll find the real lessons, even if they hurt a little. (Or in some cases, a LOT). Think of yourself as the beautiful Phoenix, like in the legends. Imagine burning off bits and pieces of yourself that you don't need. As you rise from the ashes, you're reborn into a NEW YOU. That's evolution. It may be an imperfect and unpleasant process, but the results are worth it. Step #10: Remove your BIGGEST barrier to success People don't realize that their greatest roadblock is none other than their own mindset. They may say they want something to happen, but don't REALLY mean it. For instance, someone might want to lose weight, but they don't want it bad enough. Worse, they might not actually believe they can shed those pounds. A part of them refuses to acknowledge the faintest possibility of it happening. This is pretty much why people NEVER attract the things they want in life. In order to remove this barrier, you'll need to change something inside you. You need to dig deep and understand WHY you don't want it as much as you say you do. Are you scared of suffering through the process of getting what you want? This is what turns most people off - they simply can't process the discomfort involved with growing up. At the same time, you need to deal with the reasons why you think that your desired reality is impossible. It could be some deep-seated beliefs brought about by past events, or experiences growing up. Once you sort this out, you'll be free to do what you want without any pre-programmed beliefs holding you back. Now, these ten steps we just talked about will get your foot in the door. Once you start doing them regularly, you'll experience remarkable breakthroughs you didn't think were possible. But if you want to witness even MORE changes on a massive (or even cosmic) scale, you need to check out my FULL course called Manifestation Miracle. Like the name suggests, I enjoyed nothing short of a life-changing revolution not too long ago. In a lot of ways, my situation was the same as Philip's. I worked myself to the bone and felt unfulfilled. I was trapped in my soul-crushing career. Even though I needed the money, I HATED having to put up a hollow appearance of a happy, successful businesswoman. But then I discovered how turn my mind into a magnet for prosperity and abundance… Learn how I unlocked the secret to ATTRACTING anything AND everything I wanted - CLICK HERE to watch the video now…

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nobodies-png · 5 years

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ORG XIII Bullet point lists win. Instant follow. Have you already done a thing about when you [reader] play with their hair. BC BIH I wana get my fingers on Xaldin's sideburns!

hIS SIDEBURNS ? ? wHAT AN ICON - okay but a lotta dudes in the org have long hair and oH BOY IM JUST HERE LIKE O O F, loVE ME SOME MEN WITH LONG HAIR

also big soz for the inactivity, i’ve been trying to get a lotta drafts done to fill up the queue and empty the askbox wheeze

Xemnas :

You must have balls of steel if you can ask the s u p e r i o r if you can play with his hair without stuttering - but nonetheless, you manage to do it! And you don’t seem to be in any trouble, considering Xemnas’ intrigued grin. “Go on, then” he’d tell you and you’d just stay there unsure like “Uhhh for real ? right n o w?” He probably gets a kick outta this, seeing how far you’ll go before chickening out (like a c o W A R D).

But you’re way too curious to figure out how the fuck his hair works to back out now. While you occupy yourself unraveling the m y s t e r i e s, he’ll merely watch - maybe chat with you . You know how pretty much everyone has a personal scent ? This guy lives up to his title, cause he’s got none. His hair is also super thin so you feel like you’re just trying to grasp n o t h i n g.

Xigbar :

The first thing he does is nudge your side, jokingly asking you shit like “aren’t we a bit too old for that cutesy shit?” while untying his ponytail and making himself comfortable on your lap. W h a t ? It’s not fair that you’re the only one having fun, right ? You can’t help but just roll your eyes at his smug sneer - maybe you should’ve chosen s o m e o n e else for this.

We know how Xigbar is. He’s not gonna shut the fuck up no matter what you do or how many times you ask him - so you just end up having some s a s s y friendly banter, with you pointing out his grey hairs or giving him ridiculous styles while he pretends to be offended. It’s an overall fun time ! Until he refuses to move from his spot on your lap because he’s “too comfortable there”, that is.

Xaldin :

The chances of him willingly letting you get your way are lower than Demyx’s motivation to work. Unless it’s a life or death situation, he’s not going to let you play with his hair - the trick is to ask him when he’s too busy to actually realize what he just agreed to, catching him by surprise. A promise’s a promise, dude, can’t go back on one !

Unlike many others, he won’t let his hair loose just so you can have the pleasure of playing with it. Xaldin will probably give you like 10 minutes cause he has better things to do than to watch you use his hair as a moustache. If you’re brave enough to go for the sideburns, he’d p a n i c and get slightly flustered cause that shit tickles - but he’d try to endure it until you’re done.

Vexen :

I’m torn between Vexen never noticing whenever someone touches his hair cause it’s suuuper long and he just doesn’t give two fucks about it. Or him being hella aware of it cause LONG LOOSE HAIR IN A LAB IS A DANGER HAZARD AND A CATASTROPHE WAITING TO HAPPEN. So I g u e s s I’ll go with the l a t t e r.

Vexen is used to having his hair toyed with because of Zexion (the boy could be a little r a s c a l when he wanted) so he’s not even surprised when you ask him. Well, okay maybe a little. He’d tell you to do as you please, as long as you don’t distract him from work - in the end, he’d enjoy the feeling of your fingers running through his hair ! Maybe he’ll let you do that more often. Y’know, for s c i e n c e.

Lexaeus :

Lexaeus has no problem letting you play with his hair. His only concern is finding a decent position for you to reach his head, without him having to b r e a k his back bending or you having to do some sick parkour. Once that’s settled, you can do whatever you want while he just silently observes or solves one of his puzzle thingies.

Even though neither of you are talking, the atmosphere it’s pretty pleasant and lighthearted. Sometimes you just call out his name from time to time, to make sure he hasn’t fallen asleep lol. Like Luxord, Lexaeus also thinks this situation is kinda comical - like come on he’s the biggest dude in the Organization and here he is, having his hair played with.

Zexion :

At first he’d be startled and cower away in surprise like “e x c u s e me?? WHAT are you doing ?”. Like he’d gladly let you play with his hair, but he’s not used to people touching him so suddenly - just try to give him a heads up the next time. At first it’ll be awkward, cause he just c a n ‘ t stop fidgeting around, extremely aware of the sudden intimacy and closeness of the situation. No he’s definitely not blushing, get some g l a s s e s.

It might take some time for Zexion to get used to it. Mostly cause he feels so n a k e d with the other half of his face exposed - He’ll have his nose buried in his lexicon to avoid eye contact. I can see him totally warming up to the idea and just letting you mess with his hair while he reads a book outloud for the two of you.

Saix :

If you try to ask for permission, Saix will probably say no, so just go for it and pray that he rolls with it. Surprisingly, he does ! Well, more like he hasn’t bitten your hand off - yet. If he’s in a bad mood, prepare for some q u e s t i o n i n g. A half-assed smart sounding explanation will do the trick. If he’s in a good mood, he’ll let you do your thing as long as you don’t distract him too much.

Most likely to purr or just make barely audible b u t hella cute little noises when you play with his hair (i’m getting Saix Puppy flashbacks now, great) You could probably get away with making little cute braids and he won’t notice at all. Try not to be in his field of vision once he does cause he’ll go b e r s e r k on your ass and take away your hair fiddling privileges.

Axel :

Kinda reluctant. He’d poke fun at your eagerness to play with his hair to cover the fact that he’s KINDA embarrassed about this. Probably will let you have your way but only if you two are alone at the Clock Tower - he doesn’t want Xion or Roxas to try and imitate you if they see you. Like come on, there’s a r e p u t a t i o n here to mantain !

Thanks to the latest KH3 trailers we’ve confirmed that his hair is not just a bunch of deadly spikes stuck with hot glue to his head, but instead it’s S O F T. So yes, playing with Axel’s hair is f u n - even with that permanent scent of fire and burning wood he emits. He likes to see what kind of new style you can come up with. Manbun ? Pigtails ? Braids ? Valid. He’s partial to the low ponytail and will often wear it around the castle.

Demyx

Will strongly refuse at first - mostly cause he puts a L O T of time and gel ever day to perfectionate …whatever the fuck his hair even is. And he doesn’t want you ruining it ! With enough nagging and puppy eyes, Demyx will eventually give in and let you do whatever you want. Okay but his hair has a w e i r d texture with all the products he uses ?

Your hand will probably get stuck there too, so you better wait until like, he takes a shower to wash it all off. THEN you can just play with that fluffy mane. Demyx looks like a completely different person with his hair down, so he’ll be a bit hesitant, afraid you’ll laugh at him - but then he’d discover that he l o v e s when you play with his hair ! He’d pester you to do that whenever you two hang out cause it’s so relaxing.

Luxord :

His first reaction is to just laugh. Well, y’know not a full blown laugh but like a Polite Amused British Chuckle™. W h a t could you possibly want to play with ? He doesn’t have crazy long hair like most of the members in the Organization so he finds this kinda silly - buuut if you’re up for a quick game, he might just indulge you. Only if you win of course.

…Obviously, he lets you win. But you c a n ‘ t really complain about it cause now you get to play with his hair ! Huzzah ! Luxord is a talker, so he’ll just ramble on and on about how endearing and funny this situation is, joking about how lucky you are to have this privilege and b l a h b l a h. You don’t have to worry cause you’ll soon start to hear his light snores.

Marluxia :

Marluxia takes pride in his hair and overall appearance, so he k n o w s how badly you wanna play with that p i n k fluffy mane. If you’re gentle, he’ll gladly grant you the honour of touching it, enjoying your little surprised gasps and hearing you mutter things like “so fluffy and soft !” under your breath. It doesn’t matter if you’re his S/O, he’ll never tell you his secrets !

But he will give you some unsolicited tips and advice on how to take care of yours cause that’s just how he is. His smug and condescending attitude slowly dissipate as he starts to relax, though. Like the others, he m i g h t start to doze off while you do your thing, but Marluxia will try to keep up his cool façade - brushing you off with the excuse of being busy, with the sleepiest expression on his face.

Larxene :

Y e a h - No. Larxene refuses to be seen without her iconic hairstyle, she’ll let you play with those w e i r d antennae she’s got going on but that’s it. Take it or leave it. You don’t know if this is just normal or if she does it on purpose, but sometimes you feel a little s h o c k whenever you reach out for those two strands of hair. But hey, you’re the only one allowed to get that close to Larxene so, kudos to you.

You c a n, however, play with her hair while she sleeps ! Don’t worry about waking her up, she’s a heavy sleeper. Unless you come in banging pots and shit, she’s not waking up any time soon. Larxene will unconsciously lean into your touch, her face visibly softening while you mess with her thin locks. Just never tell her that you do this or she’ll forbid you from entering her room ever again.

Roxas :

Roxas is c o n f u s e d, he’ll move away on instinct and ask if you were trying to pull a prank on him or if you stuck something to his hair. When you tell him that you just like playing with it because the spikes are fun to touch, he’ll pout and get slightly flustered - but will let you continue anyway. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to mess up his hairstyle, it always returns to it’s original s t a t e. It’s like m a g i c.

Since you started doing that, he’s noticed he has been paying more attention to his hair. Roxas never cared about appearances, but the fact that you like something so specific as his hair pretty much inflates his ego a bit. He’d put a little bit more care into it, spending more time in front of the mirror every morning - lowkey hoping you’d notice.

Xion :

Also confused, but instead of stopping you, Xion would imitate your actions - twirling one of your locks around her finger with an amused smile on her face. After a while she’d innocently ask “what exactly are we doing?” and you’ll have to explain the entire concept to her between laughs.

When you tell her that you like playing with her hair, she’d totally blush and feel a bit self-conscious. What if your hands get tangled in a knot or something ? Did she brush it properly ? Wait - She doesn’t even have to with how short it is ! Maybe she should try letting it grow - But yeah, Xion would l o v e this. She’d sit on your lap or between your legs letting you make little braids and whatever while you two chill and talk during breaks.

#kh headcanons #reader insert #organization xiii #xemnas #xigbar #xaldin #vexen #lexaeus #zexion #saix #axel #demyx #luxord #marluxia #larxene #roxas #xion #sweetsistergingerspice

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mistress-of-the-obvious · 6 years

Text

Thoughts On Hikaru Quitting Spacecraft and Idle Speculation

Hikaru quitting Spacecraft was surprising and also not. Her message months back stating there was “more behind the scenes” could have meant anything.

It could have meant that she was happy, working on a single, and to please wait. It could have meant she was unhappy and planning to leave Spacecraft when her contract was expiring…that could also have meant she was working on a single since we didn’t know when that is. I just sort of shrugged.

Since that message I have been very unhappy when I’ve seen Hikaru and Wakana. Hikaru’s message was deliberately vague and the idea the she was miserable counting down the days to the end of her contract was heartbreaking. The fact that she was clearly getting email, snail mail, and messages sent to her directly asking what was going on because Spacecraft, her own representative company, refused to explain even a tiny bit and thus refuse to do their job upset me. She was clearly upset enough to write a message about and yet Spacecraft never addressed it. I don’t doubt Wakana is getting similar mail.

In more strangeness, Yuuka Nanri is still listed on Spacecraft’s official site. There is going to be a big anniversary event for Flying Dog with FictionJunction Yuuka. This is pretty big news as she’s been inactive since 2016. Nowhere on the site. She has her own little site that while it has its own domain name has the same design as some of the other sites hosted by Spacecraft. Last news: 2016. Her blog has an update from September saying she’ll be at the Flying Dog event. I suspect her to disappear from Spacecraft’s roster either before the event or sometime after.

In the case of Yuuka, I didn’t think much of it before the event as she went inactive when she became married and had a lot of health problems going back to 2013 slowing her career. It’s pretty typical for Japanese society to expect women after they get married to have children and thus be full time mothers. That is changing though, especially as not all married Japanese women want to or do become mothers.

So when I first saw Yuuka some months back, it was “Wait a minute…oh she’s retired and they’re keeping her on there because she’s still technically under contract. If Spacecraft were to terminate her contract before it was up, they would owe her money.” Now, there’s this event…and they aren’t promoting her.

Going back to Keiko’s trademark claim, I have some new information where the results are rather curious.

I found this great youtube channel called TheJapanChannelDcom. It’s by an Australian man with a Japanese wife, children, and has been living in the Nagano region for over a decade at least. While enjoying the channel, I found a video that indirectly dealt with Keiko’s trademark claim.

There was a video dealing the then potential breakup of the huge group SMAP (you can see the video here: https://youtu.be/gPBgFZYu9iw). SMAP was a boy band. The now former members are in their 40s and in everything. Movies, tv shows, and at the time still active in their music group. Their talent agency was Johnny and Associates sometimes referred to as Johnny’s. The group broke up in December of 2016 and it was all over Japanese news.

The big rumor at the time was that four of the five members wanted to quit Johnny’s, but still continue in some fashion together. Fans were worried for three reasons: 1) the trademark was owned by Johnny’s. 2) Johnny’s could make their lives very difficult, as they are a very powerful talent agency. 3) There is a stigma of shame surrounding leaving a talent agency, mostly if you have been with one for a long time. This is the perception that the agency built the talent up and that the talent owes it to the company to stay.

What happened was one member stayed with the agency, one went on to something else, and three went to another agency called CULEN. It seems it’s theirs as right now CULEN is just listed as them. They also have a website called atarashiichizu. At this time they are promoting their individual works and have not released anything together, but it’s only been almost two years.

So what does this have to do with Keiko? Typically a talent agency will decide they want a music group or singer and hire them. They trademark the name and choose the songwriters the singer/group will work with. They also work to have a contract signed with a record company. I might be wrong on a few details, but that’s the general picture. The only thing different with Spacecraft was Yuki Kajiura and whether she owned any of that trademark. The fact that after Yuki left, the name Kalafina continued suggested it was owned by Spacecraft.

Would Keiko not know any of this? Highly doubtful. Not only was speculation regarding SMAP all over the news in late 2016, there were also negotiations with Yuki Kajiura and Spacecraft prior to her leaving that affected the group. Knowing how active Keiko was in her advocating for both herself and Wakana and Hikaru (we see this in the 10th anniversary film), she would have kept tabs on it. This on top of the fact that she was signed with Spacecraft with Ayaka Ito for Itokubo. She seems like she has a good idea how the Japanese entertainment industry works.

Even if she didn’t know, the company she hired to represent her would be able to find out if anyone registered that trademark. As someone who has dealt with civil court paper work here in the US regarding my mom and my uncle, I can tell you lawyers and law firms don’t make much money filing these paper work claims. Most of the fee goes to dealing with the bureaucracy. I doubt Japan is much different. In fact, Japan’s bureaucracy seems worse. They would tell her not to waste her time and theirs…unless there was some other point.

What that point was, I don’t know. What we do know is that after she formally told Spacecraft she was leaving, a few days later she filed that claim. Unlike Kaori’s long blog post when she left or Hikaru’s handwritten letter, Spacecraft posted Keiko’s mere one paragraph statement for her. Then there was the letter released for Harmony 4 where people thought it sounded like they were blaming Keiko. While I wouldn’t quite go that far, it was cold in the English translation.

Japan is interesting in that there’s this spectator sport regarding apologies. When a celebrity screws up, like in the case of a member of SMAP a few years back, whom was caught being drunk in public at night, said celebrity will publically apologize on television. People will watch and discuss this apology: how good it was or wasn’t, whether the person bowed deeply enough, whether they meant it or not, etc. Celebrities will be sent on apology tours on various shows.

With this in mind Spacecraft was at best completely tone death at worst they’re arrogant. Since new management took over they have lost 12 people. Most this year. It’s not just people associated with Yuki Kajiura but also long established voice actors.

Based on the little bit I know, what happened with Yuki Kajiura and Spacecraft is that the new management wanted to add restrictions to her. The previous administration let her do what she wanted for the most part.

With Keiko I suspect something similar. Again complete speculation on my part. What we know is the official line is that Keiko didn’t see a Kalafina without Yuki Kajiura as the songwriter. We know this isn’t quite the case as there was that interview where Yuki revealed she was taking a step back allowing them to use other songwriters, she would likely contribute a few songs, and be more of a manager and mentor.

One thing I found surprising was with the tabloid news articles, which were highly accurate, was the statement that if Keiko had stayed they would have headed to the recording studio early this year. Of course, the three of them were touring all last year, so where would they have the time to vet songwriters and find out how well the interaction is…unless Spacecraft wanted to manage them as a standard pop group where they were the sole deciders. If they were being controlling with Yuki Kajiura, why wouldn’t they do that with Keiko, Hikaru, and Wakana?

I suspect this in part with how Hikaru opened her letter, “I, Hikaru, left Spacecraft on good terms (paraphrasing)…” Why would she say that unless someone left not on good terms recently? Again that’s speculation, but we do have some albeit small bit of evidence Yuki and/or Keiko didn’t exactly leave on the greatest terms. She certainly wanted to squash any rumors before they started.

Interestingly, I also suspect that Wakana has more freedom with Spacecraft being solo since there is less money and expectations.

As far as more idle speculation on my part:

Yuki stated recently she has 18 new songs done for a project and is still at the studio recording more. I suspect Keiko to pop up in some of those songs. It might even be a Keiko centric project.

The reason why Hikaru has a Twitter and was interested in having an Instagram, is in part because she’s floating going solo. She maybe in some FictionJunction concerts here and there, but she’s more interested in going solo. Yuki stated she was considering going solo for some time. Also based on her massive support, about 6,000 followers within around 24 hours, not only fans but Yuki, FMB members, Atsuko from Angela, and a director from Animelo concert series, tells me she’s in good position. It also tells me that industry professionals have an idea what was going on with Spacecraft and didn’t like it.

I find it interesting that while there has been an announcement for Wakana’s new single, there has been nothing about an album. Based on her tour setlist she already has enough original songs for an EP. I’m curious what record company she’s on. Is this a new contract or is she piggybacking on Kalafina’s? That might be the reason why Spacecraft refused to fold the group. They are still listed on Spacecraft’s site as though they’re active. It will be interesting to see if the next Harmony magazine contains the name Kalafina on it or if it turns into Wakana’s fanclub. Simply put, I wouldn’t be surprised if Wakana’s contract ends sometime next year and she chooses not to renew.

If Wakana leaves, I do not see a full reformation of Kalafina. While this can be done under a different name, the three of them do not have the finances to form a special group like the three former members of SMAP (which even they have not yet released something together yet). Instead, I anticipate things like the three of them performing an old Kalafina song or two during a FictionJunction concert or a song released by Yuki Kajiura here and there that is essentially a Kalafina song (Wakana, Keiko, Hikaru and Yuriko and/or Remi as assist).

Be on the look out if Keiko tries to go after that trademark claim after Spacecraft drops using Kalafina. I’m not sure if she will or how long a trademark needs to be inactive in Japan to file a claim, but it will give us a good idea if she filed this last one for mysterious unknown purposes or not.

I suppose that’s enough silly idle speculation on my part. Much of this stuff we will never know and frankly don’t have a right to know since all of this is very personal.

#Hikaru Masai #Spacecraft #Kalafina #Yuuka Nanri #FictionJunction #FictionJunction Yuuka #SMAP #Keiko Kubota #Wakana Ootaki

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shawnstilinski · 6 years

Text

Fall For You - (S.M)

MASTERLIST

WATTPAD

Word count: 1,544 (incl. lyrics)

Author: Cam

Inspired by this request: I don’t know if you’re still doing this but can you make one where this girl is singing in an empty auditorium because that’s her escape(like the one from Glee) and she is playing the piano and singing a sad song and Shawn is in one of the seats all the way in the back watching her and admiring her? Please thank you

A/N: College!Shawn, my boo (vaguely, but it’s a start)! Thank you for your request, I’m sorry I’ve been so inactive, but I appreciate the inspiration that came from this request! I’ve added a bit more of a backstory to the two. I hope you’ll enjoy!❤️

The song mentioned is Fall For You by Leela James, and I highly recommend listening to it whilst reading.

(Credit)

She delicately placed her index finger on the key and pressed it, causing the note to fill the empty auditorium. She hummed a soft melody that sounded like something out of a fairy tale movie. Her eyes were closed shut, but her mind was fully awake, as she readied a breath, to introduce the first bit of lyrics.

Here we are, together

And everything between us is good

I’m right here in this cloud, baby

Ready to fly but before I take

Another step

Her voice echoed off the wall as she hit each note as if it hung in the air in front of her and all she needed to do was reach out and grasp it. With each word that passed her drying lips, her body followed suit to the lyrics, swaying and moving to the melody. Her right hand still rested on the piano, but as of that moment, the song was in her head and her body – her soul, and she let it unfold like a blooming flower.

Would you catch me if I fall for you?

‘Cause I’m falling

I’m falling, I’m falling

He knew that he wasn’t privy to the secrets she was speaking to the empty seats in the rows between them, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave. So, he sat silently with his books and papers and amazement scattered across the floor and seats surrounding him.

He proudly considered his friend, seated on the little black stool, singing with a desperation and soulfulness that made him feel like they were the only two people on the planet – and he had to admit that he quite liked the feeling that flooded his body, leaving a trail of goose bumps in its wake.

She opened her eyes and pressed down on a key, breathing new life into the song. She left her left hand to remain resting on her jean-covered lab, and as she raised her shoulders tenderly, her hoodie bunched up her hair around her concentrated face for a brief moment before she let her body ease again.

I’m so used to standing

So used to being on my own

But this thing is new, baby

It feels like I’m losing control

I’ll take another step

He was absolutely consumed, and in spite of his mind telling him, ‘leave, Shawn,’ his lanky body stayed in the seat, mesmerised. He had spent the last few weeks in her regular company, and yet he’d never heard the faintest hint of singing escape from her mouth. Now, here he was, getting more than any music he had ever presented at that very stage if he should say so himself. He was getting what he considered music to be all about; honesty. Blank and bared accompanied only by the sound of a piano.

Just an hour ago he had sat across from her with a cup of coffee as she had rubbed the sleep from her eyes and told him firmly to not let her drink, ever again. After laughing kindly at her, he had told her that he had some studying to do, but when he asked her to join him, she had declined and told him quietly that she was going to take a walk and think a little. He had immediately teased her and suggested that she was surely just hung over, at which he had gained a punch in the arm (and a wince when her headache promptly returned, so he’d considered that battle won).

If you catch me when I fall for you

'Cause I’m falling

I’m falling, I’m falling

Will you promise to be there?

Stay by my side always?

Whenever I need you

Don’t let me down, no, no

She smiled as the lyrics surfaced from her heart and Shawn could feel the huff of a joyous laugh at the tip of his tongue, but he shut himself up to stay hidden from her. Her singing breathed a life and feeling into the song that he didn’t think was possible. He did consider himself talented, but she was something else. She never fell short of reminding him of his talent, though, and had complimented him many times on his singing, the most recent time being last night, when he had picked her up from the party that she’d gone to.

That had been their deal since she picked Shawn up from a party a few days after they had started talking. They had gone to the same university and had shared a few classes since they had started there three semesters ago, but had never taken each other into much consideration until they had to do a project together two-months-time ago. He had called her in an attempt to reach someone else, but by her account, “I’m already awake and on my way to get McDonald’s, so I might as well come and get you. Yes, I was gonna get McDs in the middle of the night. On my own. Shut up. No. Stop laughing. Okay, you can walk home, ass hat. Idiot.”

She had picked him up, of course, and he’d stopped mocking her when she had gotten him an order of cheeseburger and fries too. He had been quite drunk, and with a soft tune playing on the radio, she had noted that the music-major had an angelic voice, as he had slowly lulled himself into a near-sleep. She knew he wasn’t fully asleep, when she had admired him at a red light, and he, with a cocky smile, had told her to keep her eyes on the road. She had chosen to roll them instead, and had told him, “I’m just wondering how it’s possible to get a guy of your size thisdrunk.” He’d huffed out a laugh, and sighed something that sounded like “tequila.” Understandable, she had thought.

She had called him the following weekend at crap-o’clock and insisted that he owed her one, so on their way home, they decided to make it a thing to pick each other up after parties, if they weren’t both attending. Shawn had pointed out that they’d hardly ever go to the same parties. She had made an annoyed breathy sound and told him to join her at the next party she was invited to. He barely agreed, but she had said that that could be another ‘thing’ of theirs, and so he had given in (and whether he’d admit it or not, he had fun at the party).

When they rounded McDonald’s, they had decided that that should go on the ‘thing’ list as well.

They had been tossing jokes between them on the way home, and even though the laughter died out, the smiles on their faces became a semi-permanent instalment, when she had in a drunken daze wondered aloud about why she hadn’t spoken to him much earlier. If you were to ask Shawn, he would tell you with a strained nonchalance that the following sentence contained words such as ‘sweet, caring and hilarious as all hell. Totally Boyfriend Goals, as the kids would say.” If you were to ask her, she would most likely tell you that she doesn’t remember anything.

However, when she woke up to a glass of water and a couple of aspirins on her nightstand, she too had to start practising her nonchalant attitude.

If I give you my all, don’t let me fall

Would you do that for me, hold me?

Will you love, will you love me?

Her voice and heart decorated the heavy air in the dark hall like Christmas lights on a late December night, similar to the ones that had been adorning the campus for the past few weeks. The woman contained an unbelievable amount of emotions and never before had he heard nor seen them articulated as well as right in that moment.

Last night, on the way home, she had found herself staring at him as the street lights flickered on his skin. He sang along to a slow song and looked like he had been plucked right out of a RomCom and had been placed in the driver seat of the car that she just so happened to also be in. He had been clad in a pair of sweats and a knitted jumper, and he was visibly tired, as he rubbed his eye and dragged a hand through the messy hair on top of his head.

She had found herself suddenly crying when she had realised that he had come to pick her up rather than sleep. He had naturally called her an idiot and a sap, but he didn’t hesitate to lay a hand on her leg and tell her, that he’d choose her rather than sleep any time. When her face had broken once more, he asked her why she always cries when she’s drunk, which made her cry even more and he’d only laughed as he caressed her leg. If she hadn’t been crying, he might not have missed the tinted red colour that rose on her cheeks at the action, but she cried and he laughed; and she was really drunk, which may have been why her blurry eyes didn’t catch the crimson that blossomed gingerly from his chest either.

My heart is ready

For love and to be loved

And I chose you, baby

That’s the one thing I’m sure of

So I will take this one last step

So catch me, I’m falling for you

I’m falling

I’m falling, I’m falling

I’m falling

I’m falling, I’m falling

I’m falling

I’m falling, I’m falling

I’m falling

I’m falling, I’m falling

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! If you have any thoughts or feedback about this piece, please send me a message. I’m very unsure about the tense (regarding the grammar) so if you noticed anything that was off, please help a girl out!! Thank you again, and have a great day 💕

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persiciflorebellator · 6 years

Text

MAINS & SHIPPING EXCLUSIVES

Introduction

It’s been a long time since I’ve brought this up, but I’m about to add and update my mains section, so I think it’s about time I reached out to find people who are interested in pursuing super close connections with me because whenever I would reblog my old mains post, hardly anyone would like it. So here it is, the shiny new updated proposition - I am looking for mains/exclusive writing partners be it of any kind. I love continuity in threads, and I love having people who are interested in having me throw ideas and headcanons at them at any time. I absolutely adore having people get as excited as I am. Therefore, by liking this post, I assume that you have read my rules and have a basic understanding of Toka's character by reading through her pages. I also take it that you are interested in interacting with my muse to develop possible relationships (positive or negative, platonic or romantic) with her.

Personal and ask/rp blogs, please don’t reblog!

What’s this?

Being my main means I’ll get to "pester" you a lot, post random small starters and send asks whenever my character is in need of yours. When I receive memes that require a certain muse (such as “kiss x muse” for example), I’ll immediately go for my mains. They are my priority, and our interactions affect Toka’s timeline. This means that Toka will often think of your character even when you, the mun, are not part of a thread or a post. Your muse will be in Toka's thoughts and heart and they affect her timeline. Toka and said main's relationship can consist of friends, lovers, enemies, rivals, old mentors, old friends, friends with benefits, exes, colleagues, students, people she works with now, people she stumbles upon, there are many possibilities! I will be accepting canon characters, canon-divergent characters, original characters and characters from other fandoms. This however, does not mean I am exclusive unless if we, as muns, agree on this. Even if I have a main of your character, for example, I can still roleplay with you and will gladly do so. Please don’t let the fact that I have a mains list put you off. I will gladly interact with the "duplicates" of the characters listed here. This list only indicates that these people will TAKE PRECEDENCE when it comes to plotting, threads, memes, and generally writing together. So please don’t ever hesitate to write with me if you’re not listed here. I do not have exclusives, except with ships. If you are a multimuse blog, then please state which muse you’d like to have as a main on this list. Like I said, I will gladly write with various versions of the same character. But if we’re shipping together, yours will be the only one I ship with.

On the context of ships, we don’t have to have interacted before but I do want us to be mutuals. However, we must have enough interaction for me to get a feel for Toka’s feelings towards your muse before shipping should be discussed. I prefer to ship chemistry over anything else. Please keep in mind that Toka is NOT an easy person to ship with. Note that I am multiship and therefore, it’s not considered “cheating” because these characters, unless stated otherwise, will have a separate verse, and none of these affect Toka’s current default storyline.

What are advantages that mains have that others do not?

Priority. When you reply, your reply will be prioritized. This means if I have a verse I want to try, or if I have a ton of replies to write and not a ton of time to do those replies, yours will be done first. If you like a starter call, yours get done first. If you send in a meme, yours will get done first. You get priority. By doing this, you’re going to get a ton of inspirational posts from me. I will tag you in graphics, in quotes, in songs. I will send you headcanons, alternate universes and plot ideas. I like to make edits, aesthetics, promos, pinterest boards, playlists - everything. I like to put personal tags on my blog, to suit specific storylines with people. Most of the time, mains will have those attached to anything I tag them in, for organizational reasons. Sometimes, this can lead to ships, be it platonic, romantic or otherwise. Sometimes, it might just make you my favorite person. I care so deeply about my threads and partners that I enjoy keyboard smashing about them, so I just ask that people are equally as invested in them as I am and that I'm not some new trophy to a collection. If I feel like you are bored, annoyed, or "done" with my muse, but are too chicken to tell me, (or can’t decide what you want from me/my muse) I will just leave you be, and not tag posts or respond to things anymore. It’s simple; I am not one to play games and use muses as speaking devices for my displeasure, nor will I stick around if my muse isn’t wanted anymore. You can’t “bookmark” ships for “later” either. Not interacting for weeks to months is not normal. So mixed-signal games don’t work with me anymore. Instead of causing OOC drama, I will simply bow out and wait for you to make the next adult move. I won’t chase you around if you are secretly waiting for me to do everything and read your minds. So if you can’t make the decision to end something, I will be the one to do it. My muse is no one’s “filler” ship or trophy. This is not first come, first serve.

I like to tie storylines in amongst other threads I have, though this is not obligatory. That already happens for some of my threads right now. If you’re a main, I will come to you for judgment on how your muse would react to a situation or whether or not it would be out of character to act a certain way, to refer to our plot development when addressing connections between muses, etc. I will recommend you to writing partners of mine. I love threads with multiple people attached. I love to gush about writing partners, I love consistency, and I love it all.

Rules attached to mains are pretty simple - at most I will take three but this is unlikely, I don’t expect exclusivity unless we explicitly agree on that, and that you’re excited about the relationship between the muses, too. If we are exclusive, I would just ask that you let me know if that is no longer working for you. Literally, just communicate that to me, and I don’t mind if we have to drop a thread for your own comfort. I like to think I’m pretty easy to work with as a writing partner. If you indicate that you’re interested in being mains and we don’t currently have something set up, I will approach you to plot something, and we can go from there. Likely, I won’t list you as a main until there’s been some degree of writing interaction between us. Sorry, but I’m just speaking from a logical perspective here.

Want to be my main?

Before we become mains, I wish for us to talk OOC and have at least a few interactions so we can “feel” each other’s interpretation of our characters. This is just so we can see if we feel comfortable roleplaying together and if our muses have chemistry, because once we are mains I will send you many asks and make starters, for I assume that if we accepted to be each other’s main means we’re friends and like each other’s writing, therefore we should feel comfortable to “pester” the other as much as we wish. Please feel free to contact me if you would like to be mains. All I ask is for you to be reasonably ACTIVE, and for us to have written together / established some sort of relationship between our characters, be it friends, enemies, lovers, etc. If you become inactive without telling me the reason why for weeks or months, then you will be removed from the current list. If you start drama with me, then you will be removed. So, if you want to be my main, smash that heart, IM me or send an ask so we can discuss it. Thank you for taking the time to read this! Please enjoy your day and stay safe, you have all my love! ♥♥♥

CURRENT MAINS AS FOLLOWS THUS FAR BELOW (IF THERE IS A * BESIDE THEM, THIS INDICATES EXCLUSIVITY FOR CANON CHARACTERS). SHIPS WILL BE ADDED IN ANOTHER SECTION ON MY BLOG.

CANON CHARACTERS:

Orochimaru: @masshirohebi*

Uzuki Yugao: @kaless39

Tenten: @colossvs*

ORIGINAL CHARACTERS:

Uchiha Haruhi: @13lilypetals

#outofillusions {Angie speaks}#hELLO YOU LITTLE NUGGETS #GUESS WHO'S BACK

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creideamhgradochas · 6 years

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Thanks to the lovely @whostheblondegirlwriting for taking the time to answer these! Get to know more about lovely E, go give her a follow and then show her some love!

These questions are from this list. You should check it out, there’s 50 questions all together and they’d be great to ask your favorite fic writer!

*Disclaimer from E, herself: If you’re looking for some sage-like writery advice...keep lookin’. You won’t find it here. This whole fic writing endeavor is an adventure in “[shrugs] We’ll see what happens”. Behold! An odyssey of half-assed, one line inspo. Marvel at the absolute appalling lack of plotting and vision. Tremble at the underwhelming realization that “Huh. I could do better than that”. In short, at least you don’t pay money for this, right?

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fan-fiction?

I have no idea, honestly. I signed up for AO3 to actually share it though in September 2015 when I was 36. So we’ll go with that.

2) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

I think I have done more reader inserts than OC, counting all the tumblr oneshots. But you can actually create something substantial with an OC. An OC makes you work. I prefer them.

3) What is your favorite genre to write for?

I don’t know if I’ve done enough variety to have a fav, honestly.

4) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

I wouldn’t. They’re all mine and I’m proud of each of them, no matter how popular (or maybe I should say, unpopular) they are/were.

5) When is your preferred time to write?

Whenever I have the time! I’m not picky, because time is very hard to come by with my job anymore and the fact that my husband doesn’t know I write. Morning, noon, or night for me. It can be hard to sneak it in and still get everything else done.

6) Where do you take your inspiration from?

I don’t have a good answer for this and I’m laughing to myself thinking I should have one. Lol An idea comes up and I write it. That’s it. Shameful, I know.

7) In your Back to One series, what’s your favorite scene that you wrote?

Oh, damn. Uhhh...I think I liked Sebastian fumbling through his confession to Lily in Montauk. But I also probably had the most fun with the “champagne incident” because it was for my tumblr-lifemate, @ceebeetumbles.

8) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

Nope. It is what it is. You can’t please everyone and I don’t try. As long as I like it, it’s good enough. It’s not like anyone’s paying me for this, anyway. Lol

9) Who is your favorite character to write for? Why?

Hmm. Right now, I’d have to say Jack Rollins, because he preoccupies so much of my writing lately. Besides his own fic, he’s also featuring in an AU for Echo that’s in draft. Considering he had two lines in Winter Soldier, I’m very proud of the interest and love my Jack gets.

10) Who is your least favorite character to write for? Why?

Chris Evans, for right now. Only because he has been less than inspirational for some time due to his relative inactivity and, uh, [ahem] some personal choices he made. But I’m optimistic he’ll come back.

11) How did you come up with the title for the Back to One series?

The main character, Lily, goes through some personal and professional ups and downs as an actress. The phrase “back to one” is a direction for actors to go back to their first mark, so I thought it was fitting, as Lily would hopefully get things right, find her best self again, and have a fresh start as she meets different situations and opportunities in her story.

12) How did you come up with the idea for the Back to One series?

I thought I’d write a Sebastian Stan fic and figured a good match for him (and someone to help drive the story) would be an actress. But then I considered an OC like Lily could have more angles to write and it became really an OC fic that features Sebastian Stan. Oops.

13) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

I haven’t ever abandoned a fic. I refuse to give up on A Touch Up and do write a line or two here and there, just nowhere near the volume I need to publish a full chapter like I used to. It ended up on the shelf because Chris Evans got so boring after Civil War premiered and the fic is literally built on what he was doing in his everyday life. I also have a personal distaste for Jenny Slate and I guess you could say his decision to date her made me doubt the version of him I’d created in ATU, which is a problem when your fic is paired so purposefully around the assumptions I/we all had made by that time about him.

14) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

I’m doing it. Echo was my pet project and, though it has my smallest following for a WIP, I had enough demand/interest for the story to be told from another character’s perspective that Jack Rollins and the STRIKE Series were born. There’ll be some unexpected things along the way in that series that I hope those fans/readers enjoy.

15) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

No. I’ve only ended a couple fics (Echo and Kindness). Everything else is still a WIP or open ended series that publishes oneshots every once in awhile. The rest of my work is basically oneshots.

16) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

Don’t laugh at me when I say I admire anyone who puts their work out there, even if it’s just a paragraph long imagine only on tumblr. It takes a lot of nerve, no matter what level your work is at or how big the scope. I’ve seen some good, bad, and ugly fic floating around, but I see value in it all and love seeing experience/determination help the writer evolve.

We ain’t all Hemingways or Shakespeares. And that’s okay. Some of the best writers don’t have thousands of followers and get hundreds of notes (but deserve them). And some of the behemoths out there aren’t necessarily turning out mind blowing fic, either. It’s a crapshoot and fandom can be fickle (if not downright confusing af).

17) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

Not at all. If it posts, I’m happy with it.

18) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

Either is fine. I probably write more in quiet, though, because my husband works 3rd shift, so I’m mindful not to disturb him.

19) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

No. Closest I could say to giving me my own feels was when I wrote The Death of Brock Rumlow (when it existed as part of the original Echo plot).

20) Which part of your Back to One series was the hardest to write?

I’m happy to say I don’t think there’s been a hard part to write for Back To One, or any of my fics. I’ve enjoyed every minute of it!

21) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

Nope. No outlines or plans. I pretty much just sit down and write. If inspiration doesn’t hit, I’ll switch to a different WIP. If I have an idea for a line or scene I might make a note for later (maybe just a few words to point me in the right direction/remind me, or a line or two of dialogue), but once I get to it, I usually just write it out at once.

22) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fan-fiction?

How little time I’d have down the road for it. Maybe I wouldn’t have run such long WIPs/fics at a time. It feels like it’s been 100 years since I had time to open requests and I had to abandon a weekly posting schedule for 3 WIPs earlier this year because I just don’t have the time to manage the volume I used to anymore.

23) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

OMG yes! Echo and its companion fic, Jack Rollins (and I’ll probably say the same for the au/the STRIKE series). At this point, I can confidently say the following for Echo didn’t carry over to Jack Rollins, but I knew both were niche fics in the beginning anyway. I’m grateful for the attention Echo got, but it was such a labor of love, I’d have liked to see it do better. I may only have several regular readers for Jack Rollins commenting or reblogging, but those few readers and myself are the ones I wrote it for, and that I’ll keep posting it for until it’s finished, regardless of how tiny the readership because I love it.

24) In contrast to 23 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Not in an “oh, geez. Not that again” way. More like a “oh, stop. I can’t believe you guys like it that much” kind of humbled eye roll.

25) Are any of your characters based on real people?

Obviously the celebrities like Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan, technically yeah. I have no doubt that some of my own ticks, experiences, etc have made it into a character or plot, or things from people I know or have come across. Things you don’t necessarily draw lines between on purpose but maybe catch on to later, sure.

26) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

Any of the comments or messages from people who say they cried, laughed out loud in public, got way too giddy, or held their breath because of something I wrote. They make me so happy, just to see someone got so lost or involved in a moment means I did a good job. Having someone say they reread a fic (or are reading for the X time) is a hell of a compliment, too.

27) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

It was about A touch Up and how I had given the reader insert character, or implied, too much description (ex. noting that POC don’t blush as often as this girl did, when I wrote it as that feeling in the cheeks anyone can experience to convey her nervousness/embarrassment/etc at those points in the story so people maybe shared that sense as they read, not that she frequently ran around with a noticeable flush) and that, although I may not have said it outright, things like that apparently had made her so that she was obviously white. That ruined it for the commenter, despite there not actually being that much said about appearance in the story.

28) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

Rarely. @ceebeetumbles gets a snippet of a chapter thrown at her once in a very blue moon, if I want to be sure something isn’t too cliché or generally awful. Lol But there’s a chance she’s reading along with the fic, so I may not send the whole chapter. I don’t plot per se or collaborate with anyone though.

29) Do people know you write fan-fiction?

Just the lovely people who’ve visited me on Tumblr or AO3.

30) What’s you favorite minor character you’ve written?

It’s a toss up between Frank Grillo’s appearance in A Touch Up and Jack Rollins or Eric Mickelson in Echo. I’m also a little fond of Drew Madison in Back To One.

31) What spurs you on during the writing process?

That I told you I’d post an update to a WIP, promised a drabble, or set a deadline that a request would be done by. So, really just my self-imposed “schedule”.

32) What’s your favorite trope to write?

I don’t really have one.

33) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

Nnnope. Lol

34) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

It’s a toss up between angst and fluff. They both come pretty easily. Honestly, smut is exhausting to write and I do so little of it because I don’t want it to be repetitive. Fluff is always fun. But, man...the possibilities with angst are pretty limitless, so maybe I’d lean a little more that way.

#milestone celebration #ask the author #whostheblondegirlwriting

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