#also an old one that I wouldn’t mind redrawing

[kmtapia-art]

#also an old one that I wouldn’t mind redrawing #ffxv brotherhood zine #ffxv gladio #ffxv ignis #ffxv prompto #ffxv noctis #ffxv gladiolus #ffxv #chocobros #my art​ ✨

[professorvonquack-57]

Walkürenzauber / The valkyrie is here to ride!

Created from an excerpt of „Das Orakel des Nordens“ („The Oracle Of The North“)

Original Plot: Paul Halas Original Skript: Jack Sutter Art: Daniel Branca

As an admirer of "the good artist" Carl Barks, I also estimate Daniel Branca's dynamic style. He is known for conceding a certain sex appeal to Magica. In his stories, she often appears in disguise (as a piratess, a film actress, a female hippie guru, etc.), in a somehow sexy way - as far as this is at all possible for a female duck in an official Disney story.

„Das Orakel des Nordens“ was published in Germany and in several other countries, but it seems to be never been officially translated into English. In this story Magica performs a sort of Viking valkyrie nightmare and later on she impersonates the oracle.

Well, the plot is pure antagonistic stuff around Scrooge’s and Magica’s obsession with the lucky dime. Scrooge is a guest in Donald’s home. In the evening, they all watch a TV documentary about the Vikings. It claims that they were believing to receive clues about the future from dreams. Outside the window, Magica overhears everything and instantly gets an idee how to snatch the lucky dime. As soon as Scrooge has fallen asleep alone in his bedroom, Magica transforms into a valkyrie and performs a martial Viking nightmare. Of course, in his bedroom! Sleepy and under the fresh impression of the TV documentary, Scrooge is fully frightened. She instructs him to go to an arctic island in order to consult the „Oracle of the North“. There she hopes to get a chance to finally steal his lucky dime. Of course, once again this will fail at the end.

Absolutely no cuddly „dimeshipping“ moments so far! Moreover, at the very end, Scrooge even takes not much care of poor Magica, who is pretty battered. So what?

The best scene indeed is the „bedroom scene“. Magica is performing a perfect nightmare. But keep in mind: how many official stories might exist, with both meeting at night in the same bedroom? I bet that Branca and the two authors constructed this weird story primarily to try out how to install such a scene (and even a "bed scene", as Magica is standing on his bed in one panel!) to a youth-certificated story! It's quite clear that this only can be done if the dialogue is neither tender nor raunchy in any way.

Thus, it is up to the reader to imagine an alternative "what if" scene. What if Scrooge had seen through Magica's performance? Maybe something like this:

"Nice try, Magica! What an impressive entrance! But next time with some Wagner soundtrack, please. Oh, while you're here, my dear - why don't you take off that old tin can and make yourself a bit comfortable...?"

Pure mental cinema! In order to adapt the comic accordingly, one would not only have to rewrite the dialogue, but also redraw the panels. Otherwise, the facial expressions wouldn’t fit.

I tried an alternative idea, cut the bedroom scene out and provided it as an isolated story with completely new texts. The dialogue, of course, would have to match the facial expressions. So the result cannot be cosy and tender. But it can have a different background, based on the assumption that the struggle about the first dime has somehow been settled and Magica and Scrooge have reconciled. They now use to celebrate their reconciliation anniversary with a themed evening - in this case with a highly private „Wagner festival“. Unfortunately, Scrooge has completely forgotten the date, which Magica is not amused about. Just a little scene from a relationship still remaining complicated. (“Es bleibt schwierig“).

There are movies in which the leading male and female actors can't stand each other at first, then come together due to circumstances and find each other in the end. One can well imagine that with Scrooge and Magica. Both are strong and independent characters. On one hand, the hard-boiled businessman who is in love with his money above all else; on the other, the freaky sorceress, bursting with temperament, energy and crazy ideas. A permanent blissful romance full of harmony is hard to imagine here.

And hand on heart: it wouldn't be funny either!

So have fun with the valkyrie!

At first, I created the German version „Walkürenzauber“:

And now the English version:

#magica de spell #scrooge mcduck #dimeshipping #daniel branca

[genopaint]

I'm having a bit of art block at the moment. So I thought this might be a good time to go back and talk about the 3 games I released this year to give them one little bit of love before the year ends!! As well as some thoughts on where they'll be going next year!

First Up: Released August 10th, BOYZ: WORLD WIDE WEST! (x)

 This was a "pseudo-multiplayer" quickdraw game. Make your very own BOY, and battle foes in quickdraw matches! The big draw was using codes from other's wanted posters to duel their BOY in your game!

This was the game I actually planned to make at the start of the year. I had the idea in my head for a bit, and I think it came out pretty good! Sadly very few people actually participated in the #BOYZWWW tag to share their wanted poster. But I stand by this concept! I've got ideas for updates to make to this game in 2023. I would really like to add real back buttons to each option so it's easier to enter codes and build a boy. But I think there's also potential to touch up some menus and make them look more original and less like RPGM menus. I wouldn't hold my breath for it coming out any time soon. But yeah... I do already have a small idea for a sequel to this game! It's a bit more ambitious than I can do at the moment, but I'll keep my mind on it. This was my favorite game I made this year! 

Next: Released November 6th, DaRoach! (x)

A maze running arcade styled game. Play as DaRoach and try to collect gems and treasures! There's a 10 stage arcade ladder with a small story, and an endless mode with various layouts to try and master! 

This game was something I wasn't planning at the start of the year, but randomly I had the idea that I could make a simple arcade game pretty easily. It took a bit to figure out what it should be about and how DaRoach should look, but I think it came out pretty good! This game really needs to get touched up a bit in 2023. Thanks to SumRndmDde's custom menu plugin I can FINALLY add a score present during gameplay. But I also would like to potentially touch up tilesets and gameplay to look and run a little better. I know this sounds silly. But I already have plans for the next 3 DaRoach games. I'm not joking. The whole DaRoach lore is already figured out. 3+4 won't be able to be made soon. But DaRoach 2 isn't entirely out of the question eventually. But I'd still need help to get it done.

Lastly: Released December 13th, FLYTRAP! (x)

FLYTRAP is a simple Game & Watch styled game where you control Marty the Flytrap and stop flies from biting your stem! It's a simple blocker game, jump in front of the flies before they reach the center!

This game was completely spur of the moment. After playing Garden Gaurdian and redrawing old G&W fanart. I realized I could make a GW game pretty easily. And people seemed interested so I sat down and made it quickly over a weekend. I'm still shocked by the love this one got! There's not a whole lot to the game that can be cleaned up in 2023. But I certainly think there's room for improvement with playing on phones. However my main goal is to add additional game modes that make the game harder/slightly different since it's easy to edit. I do have an idea for a sequel to FLYTRAP but it'd be more of the same. Nothing too fancy. I don't know when I'll get around to it but it's one I could even potentially do in RPG Maker. Maybe. We'll see. No promises.

---

And that's all the games I made in 2022! Thank you all so much for your support, and thank you for playing anything I put out there! It all means the world to me! As always, these smaller games are leading up to me finishing Once Upon An Adventure, my full scale RPG. I don't know when it'll will be done. I'm at a point where I'm pushing myself to just be happy with what I am making currently, I want this to be the last round of asset making I do. I don't think it'll be done by 2023. But I'm hoping I might be able to show more videos by then. Currently Im working on the maps! I'm on the second to last chapter for dungeons. Then I can do towns, then hidden areas! Once that's done I can build them all in game, then start working on overworld sprites and then when its all put together I can record footage of maps! There's still a LOT of work to do on Once Upon An Adventure, but please look forward to it and please look forward to more updates in 2022!

I do still plan on doing 1 short game per year. And I have a couple of ideas. I'm thinking of maybe letting people decide which one I should attempt? We'll see. A big goal I have for game making in 2023 is to try and enter some game jams. I've made games in really short times already so I think entering game jams could be a ton of fun. So don't be surprised if you see stuff like that from me. And as always I'm working with @CloudyGamesLLC and @SeafloorGames for various projects. Please check them out!

Once again, thank you all so much for your continued love and support. I hope I can make even cooler things next year! Here's to a great 2023 with many more video games to come!

#indie dev #indie game #Indie Games #oc #my stuff #long post

[neonthewrite]

Art Lesson

The prompt is "redraw", in which it becomes obvious I've taken on a prompt challenge meant for visual arts and made it fit my own medium. For this one we'll visit the A Little Bit of Family trust AU cowritten with @creatorofuniverses!

~~~

Adrian sketched absently on the loose sheet of paper he’d already been using for some of his examples during the latest art lesson. He wasn’t always the most organized teacher - sometimes he really did end up throwing some ideas around to see what would work, but having a class size of one helped. One extremely tiny student, at that.

Up at the corner of his desk, well away from the slanted part of the drafting table, sat a child no more than two inches tall by his reckoning. Oscar was a slight little kid, only eight years old and a bit thin. With his wild brown hair, he sometimes evoked the shape of a dandelion. A very short one.

Oscar’s extra-tiny size compared to his parents made it doubly clear how much trust Adrian had earned. The art lessons he held most days for the kid had been largely unsupervised after the first few times to get Oscar used to things. Charlie and Sawyer really didn’t mind leaving their child, so small and vulnerable, with Adrian for a little while so he could show him some tricks with his art or teach him how to make simple crafts.

It was an honor, most of all, but it was also a lot of fun. Oscar was adorable.

For now, Oscar was laid out on his tummy so he could focus on his latest piece. Adrian was happy to just let him free draw for a bit; Oscar had fun with the miniature crayons Adrian had carved for him.

Though when Adrian glanced over this time, he noticed a slight frown on the kid’s tiny little face. He wouldn’t miss it even without leaning in closer to see. “Everything okay, Oscar?”

Oscar paused in his drawing and glanced up, then frowned deeper still at his paper. With a little huff of consternation, he set his crayon down and propped himself up a bit. “It’s, um, my drawing d-doesn’t look how I wanted it to, I got something wrong and now everything else doesn’t fit right…”

Adrian could relate all too well, though at first he wondered how best to teach this specific kind of artist’s disappointment to a kid so young. “That’s okay, Oscar. Sometimes we don’t get things on the paper the exact way we pictured it, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”

Oscar pondered this, then shifted his little paper back and forth absently. “I still wish I coulda got it closer to what I wanted,” he admitted.

“That’s okay, too,” Adrian said, hoping he would reassure the kid more than discourage him. “This is your first draft. You can always try again with another one.”

Oscar looked up, the small epiphany in his eyes as it sank in. “I didn’t think of trying to draw the same thing again,” he said. “Do you do that a lot too?”

Adrian couldn’t help a laugh. Already he was retrieving a new small cut of paper for Oscar. “Oscar, I redraw things all the time. You can redraw something as many times as you want until you like how it looks. Why don’t you give it another try and see how you feel about a second draft?”

#gtjuly #gtjuly2022 #mywriting #a little bit of family #trust au #adrian kennet #oscar #oscar the oc #kiddo oscar #gt #g/t #giant tiny

[flowerchildwren]

2022 art review :]

Every year I like to take one piece from each month and go over it, what I like, what I don’t and how my art changed over the year 

January- absolute dead eyed stare, I choose to not draw faces on both those statues only to put no effort into the center character’s face. This piece is the beginning of the bright colors that have had a choke hold on my art ever since

February- old Comet design my beloathed. I was trying to do something with this piece and it really just doesn’t work at all the values are awful. I will give this piece credit though, this is the birth of Comet but boy does it show

March- This has got to be my favorite piece of the year but I really really want to redraw this because there are things I really want to fix like the background (lord those pillars are rough) and posing to make things a bit more interesting 

April- purble. I still think the concept behind this character is fun but like, you can really tell this is a first design, most under designed Goddess ever. I think the muddiness was there in the march art but its really apparent in this piece 

May- I really havent wanted to draw faces these past months huh? The shading is just so muddy it was honestly at its worse during this time. This piece is also just so nothing, like for a piece about setting a church on fire with a magical stick you think it wouldn’t be so boring

June- Pride elf!

 this is the coloring style I ended up adopting for Super V later in the year and god do I regret that. I wish I’d put more effort into the coloring on this because despite this piece taking like 5 hours It really doesn’t look it, but it’s a start I hope I don’t abandon it for several months

July- oh no. Anyway this is my most popular piece of art ever which if I knew that I wouldn’t have done nothing with the background. The muddiness is back with a vengeance and i feel like I should have emphasized the light source more even though it is just a candle. Sorry for making you all cry tho my bad

August- the typo in the original post still makes me chuckle. I tried to do some minor perspective work with this piece in the arm and it really doesn’t work huh. This has got to get redrawn this is the cover for my comic man, It just looks very low effort, which is most likely because I made it while I was on vacation

September- oh hey look that coloring style is back. Man this one just doesn’t look good. I think it’s the head and the left backpack strap I also just didn’t do any work on the center part of the hoodie, I did end up shifting away from this coloring style in my general art though since I don’t like doing it

October- mmm lot of experamentation this year huh, this shading style is also very bad don’t worry this is it. This was just some artsy hand practice but I really stood have just stuck to standard hand practive because that left one only has four fingers

November- I should have just gotten rid of that railing :/ 2023 is going to be the year I work on backgrounds I promise. I don’t mind this one too much, I think I just have a chase of staring at a piece so much I start to hate the sight of it

December- man this one really isn’t good either :/ I was doing a lot of experminentation this year and never really commited and worked on stuff long enough, except the bright colors, those came in like day one and they stuck with me. 

#tw blood #art #digital artwork #artists on tumblr #my art #artwork #digital aritst

[paganparront]

Hey! I thought since I’ve mentioned the Fountain Tarot a couple times, I’d go over how I bonded and how I interviewed the deck!

For me, new arrivals are a pretty big deal, because it means I get to learn the personality of the new deck, and that’s always been fun and exciting for me lol. I will say, I highly recommend bonding with a new deck before attempting an interview, because the deck won’t know you or your energy, and will most likely have energy remnants clinging to it from those who had a hand in manufacturing. That could lead to unclear cards, messages, and readings, so keep that in mind when deciding what to do!

Step one of bonding with a new deck is to CLEANSE your new deck. However you feel is best. Just create a nice clean slate for you both to work with. You can use smoke, sound, actions with intent (such as knocking on the side of the deck to rid it of old energy, or sorting and reordering a used deck to “reset” it’s neutral state), or anything else that you enjoy. I wouldn’t recommend anything liquid, as these are cards we’re talking about!

Step two is simply: carry your deck everywhere. Put it in a bag or purse, and let it accompany you through your daily routines. Take it out every once in a while and handle it, take a second to admire the deck’s appearance or smell (some decks smell amazing, such as my copy of Ethereal Visions). I don’t recommend shuffling the deck until you’re ready to interview, because this time is about getting to know each other in your natural, neutral state (of course, you can do whatever you’d like, I just personally don’t shuffle until around 5-7 days after I’ve begun bonding).

After you feel enough time has past, you can begin the first shuffle in preparation for the interview! Personally, I shuffle three times, in three different ways. First, I take one card at a time and place them in one of 9 sections, divided a little like a hash #, and once the whole deck is in a spot, I stack it back up at random. Then, I hold the deck and twist, in order to give the deck reversals (this is optional if you don’t personally read reversals!). Finally, I shuffle the cards in the “traditional” shuffle of ‘take from the middle and alter front and back’ thing that many tarot readers use. Threes and nines are significant numbers to me, but you can use any number or style or order of things you want! The important part is to be thorough.

Finally, it’s time for the first spread the deck will do: the interview spread!! I will put two examples of interview spreads below, so if you wanna skip right into doing one yourself, scroll on down! For those that stay behind, I have a couple tips:

First, be clear in your intent during the reading (and any reading going forwards), and try not to let in random thoughts unrelated to the question/spread at hand (I have trouble with that part myself, as I have ADHD).

Second, don’t assume the deck knows the spread by heart, especially if it’s new to you, or very specific in its questions/card placements. Ask the deck clearly each question in the spread (for example, if card 4 represents a weakness of the deck, ask the deck during the interview when you draw card 4 “what is one major weak point of yours?” If card 5 is a strength, “what is one of your strengths?” Etc.)

Third, if a card doesn’t seem to make sense, you can do two things: either pull a clarifying card (my go-to), or research the card and all it’s possible meanings in a trusted tarot book (such as Holistic Tarot) or an in depth website (such as BiddyTarot). Either one will help you figure out where a card fits into the spread, and how to interpret it. If the card just feels off, makes no sense at all, and your intuition is telling you it isn’t meant to be there, then put it back in the deck and redraw the card! There is no shame in that :)

Now for the spreads I use:

I personally always use the one on the left, but the one on the right is very in-depth and I think I’ll do that one for future decks! Also, I’ll link the website I love to go to when a card confuses me in a reading or I feel I need more info!

#blog post #pagan #pagans of tumblr #tarot #tarot witch #tarot tips #tarotblr #fountain tarot #tarot interview #tarot cards #tarot deck #tarotcommunity #witchy #pagan witch

[sturchling]

Salt-Fic September Day 8: Stolen

Marinette was incredibly excited. She had heard about a design contest being held in Gotham. It was being sponsored by the Waynes, who told her about it since they were so close. Marinette had met the Waynes when her family went on a trip to Gotham to visit an old family friend, Alfred. Damian and Marinette became quite close on the trip and they soon began a long-distance relationship.

 ---------------------

When the Wayne family decided to sponsor the design contest, Damian told Marinette all about it. “We will obviously not be judging the contest because of the conflict of interest. We are just sponsoring the reward, a full expense trip to Gotham.” Marinette was ready to start designing right then.

  ---------------------

She decided to create an outfit based off of Robin. She spent day and night working on the design in her sketchbook. She hardly ever put her sketchbook down for the next several weeks. This didn’t escape Lila’s notice. Lila was curious what Marinette was so obsessed over. Then she saw the information for the design contest in Gotham. She was sure that was what Marinette was obsessing over. In one of the rare moments that Marinette left her sketchbook, Lila took a look at her sketch that she had been working on. When she saw the Robin inspired look in the book, she knew the design was for the Gotham contest.

  ---------------------

Lila hated to say it, but the design was really good. Too good for Marinette. Lila waited for a better moment to try and take the sketch. The moment came that Saturday. Marinette was in the park working on her design when an akuma appeared. Lila wasn’t sure where Marinette rushed off to in such a hurry, but she wouldn’t question it. Marinette had left her sketchbook on the bench and raced away when the akuma alert sounded. Lila took the opportunity and grabbed the book. It was the perfect crime, cause the park was now empty and Marinette had never even seen her. It would be hard for Marinette to prove that Lila had stole the design.

  ---------------------

Lila’s plan now was simple. She would enter the contest using this design and most likely win with a design this good. Then when she went to Gotham, she would find Damian Wayne and get him to fall in love with her. Then Lila would have the fame and fortune that she always dreamed about. For once that useless Marinette had done something good for Lila. Lila was over the moon, excited for the bright future in front of her. Meanwhile Marinette was freaking out.

  ---------------------

Marinette was in a panic. She had no idea where her sketchbook had gone. Not only was her contest entry in there, but she had several commission sketches in there too. When Damian was video called her that night to chat, he saw Marinette tearing her room apart in a complete panic. It took a minute to get her attention, but when he did, Marinette told him everything. “I just can’t believe it. I don’t even have enough time to redraw the sketch and work on the commission assignments. I have to focus on the commission requests. I hate that I won’t be able to enter the contest.” Damian wished that Marinette would be able to enter the contest, but he knew she was right. She didn’t have time to completely redo the sketch.

  ---------------------

Lila felt comfortable with her chances of winning. She had just submitted her entry and was now waiting for news. A few weeks later, she received word that she had won the contest. She was ecstatic. She started planning for her trip, but kept it quiet to keep Marinette from getting suspicious. Little did Lila know; everything was about to come crumbling down around her.

---------------------

Bruce was having a long day. Everything was monotonous and boring. He decided to at least look at something interesting and see the design that won the contest. He wished Marinette had been able to enter, but Damian had told him what had happened. Just as he pulled out the winning sketch, Damian and Jason walked into his office. Jason saw the sketch in hand, “Oh, is that the winning design?” Bruce nods his head and the two boys come look at the design too. What they saw quickly infuriated them all.

  ---------------------

The design seemed normal, and based off of Robin’s costume. But the more they looked at it, the more familiar the style seemed. They could have sworn that this was made by Marinette. Then they saw the proof. In the collar of the design was the golden embroidery that Marinette always used to sign her work. Rage coursed through all three of the men when they realized this person had stolen Marinette’s design and tried to pass it off as their own. Damian saw that this sketch was submitted by Lila Rossi, and recognized that as the name of the girl who had been tormenting Marinette for months. At first, they were just going to take away the prize from this Lila Rossi, but then they realized that they could also get some vengeance for Marinette. With that in mind, the group got to work planning.

  ---------------------

A few days later, Lila was in class regaling the class with a new story when everything went wrong. The classroom door opened right before lunch and in walked three men. Everyone immediately recognized them as part of the Wayne family, Bruce Wayne and two of his sons, Jason and Damian. At first Lila was confused, and wondered if this was part of the contest prize. If it was, then she was excited. But it was quickly realized that was not the case.

  ---------------------

Bruce asked, “Which of you is Lila Rossi?” Lila stood up and shyly said, “I’m Lila Rossi.” Lila expected that they would congratulate her for her win. But instead she heard, “We have come to tell you that your prize has been taken from you. It has come to our attention that you used a stolen design as your entry. As such, your prize has been revoked and given to the second-place design. You have also been banned from all future events that my family may sponsor.” The class was in shock at what was just said. Including Marinette. She had no idea what had happened or that the family was coming. She quickly figured out what happened, and that Lila must have been the one who stole her sketchbook.

  ---------------------

Alya stood up, ready to defend her friend from what she thought were baseless accusations. “Why would you say that. Lila would never cheat. What proof do you have?” Bruce turned to face the young journalist. “Quite simply, we saw a design element that we are familiar with. The design was made by Marinette Dupain-Cheng. The embroidery that Marinette puts in every design to sign her work was in the collar of the design.” Bruce pulled out the design and showed the embroidery to the class. Alya was in a hard spot. She didn’t want to believe that Lila was a liar, but the proof was staring her in the face. Alya knew that Marinette did use that embroidery, and Lila’s name was clearly listed as the person who submitted the design.

  ---------------------

Lila tried to fix things, but it didn’t work. The class quickly realized that Lila had lied about everything. Lila became the class outcast and the class made amends with Marinette. Lila ended up transferring away, to try and find a new place where she could gain control of a class again. Marinette never heard from her again. Damian and Marinette also became closer as time went by. While Marinette was upset that she hadn’t been able to enter the contest, she was glad things happened the way they did. While it had been rough, and Marinette had been upset, all of that had caused Lila’s downfall and Marinette couldn’t be happier with the outcome.

Hope you guys liked it! @maribat-central-official

#saltfic september #salt september #ml #ml salt #ml fic #ml fanfic #ml salt fic #ml salt fanfic #lila rossi #Lila exposed #lila exposed fic #lila salt #lila gets exposed #ml class #ml class salt #class salt #miraculous ladybug #miraculous fic #miraculous fanfic #miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #miraculous salt fanfic #miraculous salt #miraculous salt fic #maribat #ml x dc #miraculous x dc #maridami #daminette #damimari #damian x marinette

[stygianflood]

Like the Shoreline and the Sea (Ethan x F!MC)

Summary- Ethan is asked out on a date right after Miami in Book 1. Ethan’s PoV

Genre, rating, words- Angst, teen, 2k

Open Heart fanfic tropes- birthday, office.

March Challenge Day 13 prompt Someday; April Challenge Day 9 prompt Smell of the Rain 

A/N: nor’westers-  violent thunderstorms in northern plains of India, before the onslaught of monsoon.

Title inspired by Leonard Cohen’s Hey, That’s No Way to Say Goodbye.

‘This will improve our understanding of adiposity and sarcopenia in this population, help identify thresholds predictive of metabolic risk, and ultimately prevent or ameliorate… ’

Better prevent than ameliorate.

‘...ameliorate the long-term impacts on health and…’ 

Twenty five years should be long enough.

Hers is a singsong voice, the warm, trilling kind. Mellow sun dances on the frills of her dress. The yellow one. 

The man at her side twirls her on the empty kerb. Dips and kisses her. Her laughter is all that is pure and golden.

A child follows them, embarrassed. She bends down to kiss him, and he is furious. 

The scene shifts.

The child is on the front porch, eyes set somewhere beyond the wild bergamot bushes. 

Tear tracks on pink cheeks mingle and dry with dust from his afternoon’s exploits. Something like a steely resolve troops in his eyes.

Ethan Ramsey has been staring at the same sentence for fifteen minutes now.

Whoever coined the term ‘nostalgia’ from the Homeric nostos and algos was speaking of anguish caused by an inability to return. But they failed to discern the inevitable tethering of reminiscence with habituality.

That is more or less the case with him. Louise Ramsey walked out on her husband, and eleven year old son some twenty five years ago right before his birthday. For a very long time now, home is not about apple crisps or kitchen gardens. 

About this time every year, a crevice in his mind he likes to call the amygdala dwells on the same days. 

Almost as a ritual. 

He is a scientist. A rationalist. And like every year, he reminds himself there is work to do.

Unless there’s a knock at the most unpleasant hour.

He never returns to the article. Never manages a come in. The distraction walks in, messy hair knotted with a pencil. Probably because she has lost another hair tie. 

He mustn’t be that aware. 

But she talks too much. 

‘Dr. Mukherjee.’ He sounds gruff. They’re supposed to be redrawing their boundaries, even if he is the only one making an effort. ‘I thought your shift ended-’

‘Two hours ago.’ Rigours of a sixteen hour shift mark her visage. Her smile is a little too conniving for his comfort. ‘I had work afterwards.’ 

She starts shuffling papers on his desk, permission be damned. He pinches the bridge of his nose, and manages an exasperated sigh. Since when have interns started walking into his office with… birthday cakes?

‘What do you think you’re- It’s not my-’

‘I heard rumours that Dr. Ramsey had to cancel a date.’ She sounds amused. He does not miss the split second glance she shoots his way before continuing. ‘On his birthday, too. Such a shame.’

He scoffs.

‘No one knows it’s my birthday.’

‘Oh, they do. They’re just too afraid to… ah, invoke the wrath of Dr. Ramsey.’

Of course, she is not one of them. She has absolutely no regard for the immutable drill he has observed for nearly four decades. And why must she, when her sole intent is to swivel the rusty axis of his life.

Ethan has never known the first shower of an Indian monsoon. It is sudden and torrential, just as it is feared and revered. It smells like summer, and mango blossoms. 

Ethan has never known one until this year.

‘I’m thirty seven, Rookie,’ He manages weakly. 

‘And I would’ve bought the candles accordingly if I knew that.’ 

The tealights she arranges look so much better, he thinks. The cake is a simple blue and white affair. Not the ones that have more icing than cake, he notes. Not the ones he disapproves of.

Happy Birthday, Dr. Terminator

‘I could’ve whipped something up without sugar,’ She rambles, suddenly starting to blush. ‘Or ordered one. But I only just came to know it’s your birthday. And there wasn’t a lot of-

‘Thank you, Apu.’ Tresses of warmth curl about his chest and the gravel of his voice.

Ethan has avoided birthday cakes for a decade now. Unless it’s Naveen’s birthday, he thinks with a pang.

In his time with Harper or his brief involvements in med-school, no one has ever convinced him to do birthdays. He checks himself. This is just an intern being kind.

But interns aren't kind to Dr. Ramsey, are they. 

She assures him the photos are not for social media. They settle on the couch, it’s his first birthday cake in over a decade. 

He is glad for an innocuous reason to look at her, laugh at jokes that in any other company would draw his scorn. She is oddly comforting. Unlike most interns who avoid his office at all costs, she moves about it as if she was meant to be here all along. 

He must have stalled birthdays worth twenty years only to spend it on a couch with her. 

The plates are disposable. It is nothing like the restaurants that come with his status, for there is an endearing simplicity about it. 

It almost feels like… home.

He steals occasional glances at her. It has been four agonisingly long days after their return from Miami. And for all his attempts to redraw their boundaries, it has been a non-return of sorts. 

Aparna drives him to distraction, flouts each and every one of his rules. Seeks him out in supply closets and muddled dreams. And every time he breaks her heart a little more, he finds himself floundering in his own squalor.

The German counterpart to the English ‘nostalgia’ is ‘sehnsucht’. Like ‘nostalgia’, it has the charm of what has been. But unlike it, it also has the enigma of what has never been. Miami will remain the swansong to an ideal that slipped through Ethan’s fingers. 

A surge of anguish ripples through him as he realises all of this is his for the asking, and he will have none of it. 

‘It wasn’t a date,’ He blurts out.

He wouldn’t tell her that if he wants her to move on. Not truly.

‘You don’t have to-’

‘She is Declan’s associate in Panacea. She suggested signing the contract with the Diagnostics Team over dinner tonight. So…  just business.’

Claudette Wilson is the most promising young face of Panacea, and Ethan needed less than a minute to know why. 

Sleek, dark hair styled at her nape played up her high cheekbones. The ruby of her pliant lips, almost risqué for a meeting such as this, always lingered a little longer on the rim of her coffee mug. Even the measured spoons of her laughter came with an all too enticing lilt.

Ethan has met the other type. Vacuous and synthetic. But the steely glint in her eyes came with a weighty intelligence. An unfaltering wit. And when a perfectly manicured hand brushed the contours of his cuff, he knew it was never meant to be just business. 

She was irresistible. And so was he.

That afternoon, the bitterness in his mouth had nothing to do with coffee. He learnt he would refuse Claudette even if her pay checks did not come from Panacea.

Aparna falls silent, almost as if discerning in his words everything he left unsaid.

They have run out of jokes and topics for a harmless chat. He is getting terribly comfortable with her again, he realises alarmed. And she is fidgeting with the ring on her finger.

She’s nervous too. He knows. He could define every twitch and turn of those fingers. 

Somewhere in their conversation they have edged so close that her knee juts into his thigh. The couch is surprisingly small for two people. Minutes pass, and despite himself, he does not want her to leave. 

His fingers rest on her flustered hands, it’s a deep-rooted reflex. Looking down, she weaves his hand in both of her own. Even as the adrenaline surging in his blood incites him to flee, the delirious part of him emerges stronger and more naive.

He thinks she is leaning in. Soaking up the mayhem in his eyes. The slight movement causes wisps of errant hair to slip from the messy bun. There’s new growth around her brows, a faded scar on her forehead. But it’s her eyes that still hold sway over him. 

They stroked him with a strange, silent awe on a balcony on the shores of the Atlantic.

She is nothing like interns that hover around him year after year. Sucking up for recommendations. Sometimes more. She can devour him, and just as easily cast him aside without batting an eye. 

And yet she is here. Snuggled in his office while her friends call it a night with cheap beer and rowdy escapades. 

But she is different tonight. The quiver in her eyes tentative, even wary.

His hand rises of its own accord, tucking strands of hair behind her ear. Inadvertently, it brushes her face, lingers a little longer against her cheek.

She caressed his face as the ocean crashed around him. It was like falling from the top of a precipice. Tumbling into the amorphous, a terrifying weightlessness. He waited.

‘It’s getting late.’

She smells like the hospital, muted shades of honeysuckle, and like herself. 

The cool breeze hummed a steady rhyme against the tumble of her midnight blue dress. Bits of the moon bounced off the dark curtain of her hair, plunging into her eyes. Ethan had never seen such fathomless eyes.

‘I should go.’ She leans into his palm, eyes fluttering close. 

‘You should.’ 

And then she caught him. It was the hollow of her neck. It was soft. Like the rest of her. 

Neither of them move today, silently imploring the other to charge. Or retreat. The battle drum in his chest is a dull ache. Throbbing and inconsolable.

The ridges of her collarbone bore traces of his ruin. Traces she covered every morning and stripped every night, like the rites of a godless liturgy.

His free hand is still laced in hers, the other drawing her face nearer. 

Her lips are inches from his own as he draws a languid finger across them. Her warm breath spills on his lips, warring and mingling with his own ragged ones. 

Her mouth was stained with wine. Numbing and inciting. He was battered, and bruised. Marooned at her side. And she was warm. So warm.

His hand traced the pummelling of her heart, kneading the softness of her chest. Her tongue jousted with his own as the ocean lapped at its shore. Tireless and persevering.

She was wild. Like her Gangetic nor’westers on a sultry afternoon. He was bewitched. She was doing something good to him.

Suddenly the air around them is ripped by the sound of his phone. 

It’s his father.

The two of them recoil to their own spaces, Ethan horrified that he let himself stray so far yet again. Silencing the still erring device, he faces Aparna bracing for another apology.

‘I know.’ 

Her smile is placid, all traces of vulnerability gone. He is vaguely aware of the gentle pressure on the hand still clasped in her own.

‘Happy Birthday, Ethan. I’ll see you tomorrow.’ 

She is gone before he can marshal his thoughts.

Ethan flops back into the couch, shivering and alone. The incandescent glow from the solitary lamp drenches the office in a soft, ethereal haze. She might not have been here at all but for the little things she scatters around him every time she forays into his life.

Today she leaves with him a caesura. It thwarts the cadence of a life he has been putting together since Miami.

After a minute, or perhaps a staggering nightmare, when he rises to pack the rest of the cake, he sees it. 

She must have forgotten her hair tie was in her pocket after all. 

It stares up at him from the floor, the silken, mute witness of his transgression. He gingerly picks it up, and turns it in his hand as though it houses some ancient sorcery. 

Laying it on his desk, he considers texting her. But scarcely does he scroll down to her name when he stops himself. And pockets it. 

Somewhere in the Atlantic, waves still crash upon the rocks, moistening, but never quite lingering. 

The waves are relentless. Someday, the rocks crumble into fine sand.

Thank you for reading this! Let me know if you’d want to be added or removed.

#open heart #ethan ramsey x mc #choices monthly challenge #fics of the week #choices fic writers creations #openheartfanfics #choicesaprilchallenge2021 #cac2021

[antidotenurse]

How did you mimic the yugioh zexal style? I want to start practicing and I have no idea where to start. How did you study?

First off, thank you!! :,) 💕💕💕💕 plz dont mind that im gonna be using hyperbolic objective language to explain this so i 😭😭

Well. How did I study?? You’re gonna hate it, but there’s literally no other way around it.

Copying it.

HEAR ME OUT: That’s just how learning works. That’s how learning any style ever works. If you’re trying to draw in a particular art style, you have to learn how it’s drawn. And the only way really understand to do that, is by trying to recreate it almost exactly. WHICH YEAH, this is an internet space, once you say the work “copy” next to art suddenly you have no skill or are doing something inherently immoral just on principle. Which is just a really bad faith read. It’s a lot like “master studies” in art classes, where students have to recreate the same drawing/work from some previous artist and try to get it as close as possible to the original. Which seems dumb at first, but it’s not without a point- y’know?

As a wack teenager, I used to practice trying to “master” the look of the zexal style by drawing on paper a loooot. At the time I didn’t know how to draw digitally (i didn’t have access to a lot of things). Zexal model sheets were rare if almost nonexistent, so I could only use the anime. I must’ve did a decent enough job since to this day my old art floats around with no one realizing that some idiot teenager drew them in her room. I just really wanted to learn it for some reason. Honestly, I blocked out most of my life from that era, so I can barely remember my own reasoning.

So I think I’d suggest, at least since the resources are much more readily available now, to refer to the model sheets and probably try redrawing what you see in those. I don’t have the old sketches anymore, but back then on my own time, I’d try recreating stuff like this as I saw it:

Or, HECK!!! If there’s an art style from particular episodes you like a lot, try referring to those and use that. There’s a ton of elements in the model sheets I don’t much care for, or elements applied by certain animation directors I like more than others that I’ll incorporate into my own work. So in the end you kind of do learn more about your own style and tastes. BUT, I personally wouldn’t jump straight into this right away. Maybe just keep it in mind until u get comfier.

THIS post that illustrates what I mean visually in regards to different directors and their styles a little better lmao. They’re all “on model” but u can tell them apart despite using the same “style.”

SCREENSHOT REDRAWS are a more fun kind of practice!! When I was in the more active learning stage I’d often try redrawing my favorite shots on paper and try to get as close as feasibly possible. I only did that because I wanted to learn it.

Nowadays, I just target weirder looking shots because. Lmao. You know 😩 after years of learning what I like in the style … … it’s a fun self challenge

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

[drops exhibit C below]

Screenshot redraws are also just good practice for me even when I’m just goofing. Because when I’m not actively practicing, my muscle memory starts to fail me.

Or, if you aren’t directly recreating an existing image and still want to practice, I’d suggest keeping the model sheets (or whatever influence u refer to) with you and try drawing within the realms set up. References are your friends and wanna help u. Even the best homies out there will use them, plz don’t undersell them. You aren’t any better or worse for using them 😭

AFTER A GOOD WHILE OF DOING THAT SORT OF THING you’ll probably get a feel for it a lot more. Then, as per how art works, the style will shift more into your own take on it, and then you can just do whatever you want and take your personal liberties as u see fit

Or just clown. Who knows! I use my time to clown! 🤡🤡 thanks for coming to my weird TED talk

OH RIGHT, DIGITAL OR TRADITIONAL??? …Idk. When i was learning i always drew on paper (mostly due to circumstance). It varies from person to person on which is more “effective,” but I don’t think it ultimately matters lol

#antidote ask #IT’S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I THOUGHT ABOUT MY PROCESS #but it just does boil down to wanting to recreate a look #then as i get comfier it becomes easier to take my own liberties #a part of me still feels uneasy when trying to explain this sort of thing cuz then i remember how mean ppl were about it #just residual effects rly. #THAT FANDOM WAS NOT FUN LMAO i mean it had it’s moments but my final moments were particularly awful

[yanderecandystore]

The bullies with an S/O that’s just completely off the board? Like no matter how much they look the bullies can’t find /anything/ on them, all their school papers are forged and their home just isn’t able to be found no matter how hard they look? Maybe due to the S/O changing their identity after doing something bad?

That's hella specific and I love it?? XD

Sure thing boo, let me see what I can do.

Also, I'll change the ocs profiles to be paper drawings with digital coloring because believe me boo, I'm tired of redrawing them (and I believe y'all are tired of always seeing these new drawings).

I noticed that my paper art is a lot better than my digital art, and although I'm kinda proud of them I still feel a little petty because I wish to do cool stuff on the computer ;-;.

Anyway, just a heads-up if you see something off with the oc's bios.

TW/Tags: I have no idea what to tag this lmao // identity theft // illegal/unauthorized inscription // not an accurate representation of university/how universities work lol // abusive household/abusive parents // I may or may not have changed your concept a little, I'm sorry for it 😔

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Suspicion (fuck yeah, I don't know what to title this) [Yandere!Bully OC x Reader - Headcanon]:

→Adrien Coldwell:

For a person that prides themselves as the "know it all" when it comes to people's social media and reputation, he doesn't know anything about you.

This is a first for him, which is both annoying and honestly so intriguing. You didn't strike him as a person who would hide any secrets, and he had a hunch this was about to be good.

He searched for social media first, not finding anything about Avery Remington. Well, at least nothing with your face on it.

However, he did find something very, very interesting while looking at the school's documents, specifically the archives of all the students that have already studied here. He honestly didn't think he would find anything about you in these old papers, he was probably doing all this stupid work for nothing.

However, he was half right and half wrong. He didn't find anything about you, but this whole search wasn't completely lost, as he did find "you", Avery.

"- Student name Avery Remington, average grades and apparently no history of wrong doings or any bad behavior in general. Their registration to the Academy dates to 1980."

Oh. Ooooh, this was rich.

"- Huh." He said closing the documents and letting it where he found it. He was at least kind enough to let the palace a little organize after going through each paper trying to find your name.

Well, "your name". The only things that he kept for himself was photos of both the old documents about Avery Remington, and the earlier documents about Avery Remington. It was clear that you did something probably really, really bad, and you know he'll take advantage of it.

He had built his own theory about this, as in: you somehow found the paperwork of Avery's registration and their previous school's records so you could somehow impersonate them and get a free entrance to this institution.

He knew that you had something to hide, no one can be so perfect. But knowing the action itself wasn't enough for him, he needed to know the motive behind it.

For someone that is lazy and doesn't bother to care about important things, he sure spent a lot of time trying to scoop some dirt on you. When he finds the perfect opportunity, without any witness around, he'll take the chance to use this information against you.

"- Well, hello "Avery"." His tone was already suspicious, his voice not hiding anything from you. He came here to belittle you for his own entertainment.

"- H-Hi Adrien." You said shyly, hoping that your anxious mind was wrong and that this was all just a misunderstanding. You were hoping that the growing feeling of him possibly knowing about your fraud, was wrong.

"- Ya know, I'm kinda jealous of whatever plastic surgery you went through to look so young, maybe you should ask the faculty to correct your age tho." He said while showing the pictures he took of the documents.

"- Wait! I-I can-"

"- Honestly, I didn't think you were over 60 years old! Could have fooled me." His smug face was the selling point. You knew that you wouldn't find any form to convince him that what was on his phone was false.

He had a victorious smile on his face. Ever since you entered this school you always acted a little too paranoid and almost too friendly for his liking, and to confess to himself that he has fallen for you would be the bottom of the pit to him.

Still, he wanted to know why you did it. Why didn't you pay to get in if you wanted the scholarship so badly? What, you were too poor for it?

And what about a talent, or the test? Obviously, the university hasn't gone out of their way to pick a loser like you and insert you inside their classes on a whim, as they thought you were Avery Remington, a student that is already registered in school's documents (yet, of course, their system haven't verified the date of the registration, either by incompetence or by a "small mistake"). So you didn't do the test too, simply pathetic honestly.

Your sad dramatic story explaining how you managed to get into the academy. You did your best to get into the academy by legal means, but they always rejected you. Apparently you thought it would be a good idea to use your grandparent's documents to squeeze yourself into the institution.

"- But why in hell would you do such a thing? Are you that pathetic dearest?"

"- I… I wanted somewhere to go. Somewhere I could grow into a better person, a-away from-" You cut yourself short when the memories of your old home started to come into view.

For some reason, your parents couldn't stand the idea of you getting into a decent university, if anything, they thought you weren't capable of even washing some dishes at the local pizzeria. In their eyes, you were worthless.

When you found out your grandparent used to frequent this institution, and that they managed to disattached themselves from their familial routes and thrive as a musician you got instantly inspired! Determined to follow their steps and prove your family that you're just as worth ass-

"- Urghhhh- Boring! I don't care about all of that. Are you serious? You committed a crime just so you could stick it up to your shitty parents?"

"- …. Yes?"

"- Huh. Geez you're cooler than I thought. Listen, how about we make a deal?"

The deal was simple, he would not tell anyone about your little secret, and he would even help you keep your scholarship and help you reach your ambitions as long as you started spending more time with him. Which, at first you thought it sounded absurd, this man is holding your whole life by a thin thread as long as you give him attention?? What?!

And although that sounded extremely suspicious, you accepted it, not knowing that for the next few years you would have to endure a harsh training to discover your talents and to improve them before you two graduated. However, you started to think Adrien was starting to see your deal in a different light-

"- Come on now, after this we can go eat something okay? Where would you like to go this time? Our last date I chose the best restaurant I know, so you better choose something of equal value."

…. Date?

→Alexandra Coldwell:

You were suspicious from the very start. Overly friendly and too- Ugh! Too cute?!

You were always skittish whenever someone called you. What, you had a problem with your name or something?

And the worst part was how no one seemed to know where you lived. Every group project with you was considered annoying by most of your classmates, as you never called people in your house or never let anyone have your address, not even your phone number??

You didn't have any social media, what are you, a weirdo? What the hell??!

She is not even pissed about you being a loser, she is pissed that she has fallen for someone like you! A complete weirdo that was always panicking over nothing.

She started stalking you with the intention of finding at least one thing that she could hate on you so she wouldn't feel so- Lovey dovey towards you!

But what she really found was something worth an entire gold mine.

A private phone call between you and someone who was losing their shit. She couldn't understand too much of the conversation as she didn't have any context, yet she could hear a lot of things that you and the person were discussing.

The person yelled [Y/N] multiple times while in the phone call, saying how you were absolutely the worst mistake of their lives (which by the way, rude much? Who is this asshole?), that you were a selfish brat that needed to learn to appreciate their hard work.

Oh… Oh. She now knows who you're talking with. She decided to record the entire thing the moment she saw you taking your cellphone to have a private call.

She was planning on recording your voice for her own hearing pleasure, but this? This was so… Interesting.

"- [Y/N]?" She called your attention after the conversation ended, and because you haven't been accustomed to people calling you "Avery", you turned around saying "what" instinctively.

And when you noticed Alexandra smirk for a split second, you regretted answering your parents call. Not that you needed anymore reason to regret it, but this was certainly the last nail in the coffin.

You begged for her to understand that you couldn't go back, you simply can't go back to them, ever again! You told her the whole sob story about how your grandparent had decided to run away from home and fulfil their own dreams as a musician, even if people didn't really hear their music all that much, and now that you think about it, that's probably the reason why no one have recognized their name at all.

Your grandparent had a really small fanbase, and you knew that because you were part of them. They weren't popular at all compared to Amaryllis Academy standards, yet they were happy singing their songs to the world.

You kinda wish your family hasn't broken the old recorder that belonged to your grandparent. Their first album was in there, it was cheesy and filled with errors, yet they sounded so happy when doing what they loved, and you wanted something like that for yourself!

You needed to live that hell hole and so you did. You rented a small apartment that was falling apart, the reason why you never gave people your address was because you knew they would bully the hell out of you because of how poor you are.

After finishing your story you noticed Alexandra snoring beside you. You thought she was only exaggerating, but then you saw her drooling and acting really dizzy after you woke her up.

"- Oh my God, so… That was it? You ran away to follow your dreams and stuff?" She asked, still kinda sleepy.

"- What? Of course it was-" You were fuming with anger, how dare she-

"- And I thought you only looked cool because I liked you! You're pretty strong for sticking up for yourself." She interrupted you, looking at you with admiration in her eyes.

She proposed to you a deal. How about you two keep this secret together, and, if anything does happen she'll still help you stay inside the institution. However, you'll need to work your ass out to become the best you can be, and you'll let her guide you through, because you're too much of a dummy to do it all by yourself. You'll have to spend time with her and let her help you out.

At first, you thought it sounded absurd, this woman is holding your whole life by a thin thread as long as you give her attention?? What?!

And although that sounded extremely suspicious, you accepted it, not knowing that for the next few years you would have to endure a harsh training to discover your talents and to improve them before you two graduated. However, you started to think Alexandra was starting to see your deal in a different light-

"- Why you never hold my hand? Come on, "Avery", won't you hold the hand of your dearest girlfriend?" She asked playfully while taking your hand anyway.

…. Girlfriend?

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

#sheep stuff #yandere oc #sheep's stuff #yandere x reader #yandere bully #yandere twins #yandere oc headcanons #yandere oc x reader #yandere bully x reader #yandere bullying #yandere headcanon #special delivery headcanons #special delivery request #yandere

[mannatea]

The coolest thing about digging through all my old art was just seeing that progression for the first few years, which is kind of mind boggling now. I’m sure 15 years ago I wouldn’t have thought the change was so drastic, but boy is it hard to miss right now.

I’ll hide it under a readmore for those who aren’t interested, but naturally I’m over here thinking...what if I tried to redraw some of these old things? Hm.

2003, the start of my adventures collecting MLP and of course I was obsessed with animals and anime. In fact, you may recognize the top left cat as Kirara from InuYasha. The top right dog was an OC from one of my fics at the time, too.

2004, the year of doing giftart (top left and bottom left dogs were attempts to draw the dogs of online acquaintances of mine from...the Tales of Symphonia forums I think? Top right dog was an OC of mine. Middle were cringey original designs of ponysonas that I don’t talk about now lol. Bottom right was my first digital art in Photoshop (ripped, burned, and mailed to me by someone on the Rurouni Kenshin forums lol). 

2005, where I drew almost nothing BUT ponies, and really went wild with trying to find a style I liked. Bottom right was a gift for a coworker’s daughter. Top right is an early design of one of my ponysonas. The other two are just random.

2006, digital art and I become besties. The middle one was drawing the mascot of a UK pony convention for a contest I think. I was also completely obsessed with Prismacolor markers.

2007, the year I gave up art, and barely produced anything. I also left the MLP community around this time and stopped collecting. Top was a gift for someone (mailed it to them so I don’t actually have the original anymore), bottom was a request/suggestion to draw Dancing Butterflies where her cutie mark(s) were also dancing lmao.

But yeah after this nothing is really signed/dated outside of random things that I must have liked enough to bother signing, though there was a VERY huge gap I think from 2008 to 2013 where I barely drew anything.

I can tell when I picked art back up again casually because I have FE:A doodles in a notebook and I knew when that game released LOL.

#/ personal post

[mcrmadness]

A Masterpost: ALL MY OLD die ärzte (aka Bela&Farin) COMICS (from 2010-2011)

I’ve lately been talking about my art, especially comics, here a lot but I have never posted my OLD old dä comics here! That’s about to change now. The old ones happened in 2010-2011 when I was 19-20 years old, so they are a bit cringy now :D The scans are my old ones so don’t mind about cat hair or something like that in some of the scans. And I know: my hand writing hasn’t really changed in the past 10-15 years at all :DD

And a slash warning (do I really need that with this fandom tho..?) because I used to draw just very fluffy Bela/Farin comics and they barely have any good plots even. There’s just 4 overall in this post and they all are quite short. But at least for me it’s fun to see how far I have come and how I’ve gotten better at drawing!

Anyway, without further ado, this is where it all started:

Bela&Farin - “Du willst mich küssen”

Simply the idea came from the fact I noticed that on the “Du willst mich küssen” single there’s only one additional song: “Die Antwort bist du”, and that one out of all the potential other songs from the studio album. (Now I’m wondering if I should try to redraw this some day to see my progress? :DD)

The rest under the cut because they get very cringy but if you want to read B/F fluff comics and facepalm at my idiotic humour, go ahead and click the read more link.

Bela&Farin - Bela will ein Baby

(eng. Bela wants to have a baby)

This one was the first I did in German and I traumatized myself. I had just started learning German and totally failed everything and an (old) online friend, native German, wrote something that indicated laughing and I felt so insecure about my German after that that even today I have a fear of saying/writing even simple German words in front of native Germans. She anyway “beta read” the plot and corrected every faulty phrase (aka every phrase) and this is what she suggested that I’d write, and that’s what I did.

The plot shortly: Bela just wants to have a baby but he wants it with Farin obviously, so Farin says they’re both men and can’t reproduce together but Bela found a solution: he found them a surrogate mother. Problem solved.

***

Bela&Farin - “Beer Belly”

Prepare yourself for a cringe overload :)) I’m so sorry that you have to suffer through this.

With this the idea came from the live videos I was watching back then - lots of live videos from 2007-2009 and I noticed that Bela just kept growing and losing his belly all the time. (OMG HELP I’m crying because “SQUEAK SQUEAK” XDDDDDD)

Also the ending is... I don’t know what is it. I guess I just wanted Rod ot make an appearance and didn’t come up anything better than this ::D My peak of humour is right there btw: anything that happens at the background. That shit just never gets old for me. So I find that still funny in this comic but I have no clue how a bass can be pregnant.

Also hey, I have started drawing shadows :DD

And yes, Bela actually did have a cow t-shirt like that in some of the videos and I just had to draw it! And btw, the reason for the fluff is probably because the concerts where those videos were from? It was extremely slashy, Bela and Farin barely could keep their hands off of each other so you really can’t blame me for all this. The ship just sails itself.

***

Bela&Farin - “Zucker”

(eng. “Sugar” - this one was again in German because it wouldn’t work in English. This time I think I did all the language stuff myself but I can’t remember for sure so maybe I got help, maybe I didn’t... This is the last one of these old comics and my personal favorite. You can see that my style somehow went through some major changes but I don’t know what even happened there. I can’t remember.)

I can’t get over Farin’s hair in the last panel, I drew it so perfectly and I still don’t know how to recreate that lol. And now I’m losing it at that tiny “XD” in the grin panel because I found it so stupid looking - the first time I had even drawn a grin for him lmao. Also ignore Farin’s arm that has suddenly lost all its color. (Aka: someone forgot to color it.)

THE IDEA for this comic is simply in the name of brown sugar. At least in Finnish that is called as “fariinisokeri”, which always amuses me still after 12 years because I am a bit simple sometimes, and I figured that it can also be called “Farinzucker” in German so of course I needed to make a Bela/Farin comic about it.

The dialog for those who don’t speak German (too well) yet - Bela just goes to Farin to ask for “Farin sugar” and Farin first is like “nope” but then “jk” and they lived happily ever after. Or something.

***

BONUS:

Something I drew with a ballpoint pen once when I was visiting my aunt and cousin and was bored and doodled this. I like drawing repeated patterns like brick walls or apparently also flowers.

And I have no idea where did I draw this - maybe it was something to do with one course through the employment agency as I tend to doodle when in any kind of class. I feel like I had been watching “Die band, die sie Pferd nannten” prior to this, based on Bela’s looks.

And it was back in 2010, I didn’t have a smart phone yet so no internet to use for reference photos :D

***

So, back to the comics - I only made these 4 back then but before this I did draw other stuff and comics too. I drew several of them as horses when I still didn’t know how to draw humans, and I also have one of them as rats too. The rat one might work as a redrawn human comic, tho... Anyway, at some point I got annoyed because I didn’t like drawing them as horses or rats and wanted to invent a “human style” so then one night, this happened:

The texts are mainly just me chanting how I’m dying from laughter etc. That is actually what I do when I am very insecure of what I do and then I just start openly laughing at everything and myself, that way things don’t feel as bad failures than what they actually are :D (And yeah I know the article is wrong at some point, let’s just say I hadn’t memorized all the article stuff from German yet :D I don’t know if I had even started learning German yet at that point.)

But yeah, then I did find the style and these are the next sketches from my sketchbook:

The bottom left says “facial experessions” - and oh my god I was so damn cringe whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy---

but anyway, those were what I ended up with eventually and the rest is history. I think I’m still gonna make one post with stuff I drew in 2018 and that I haven’t posted here yet as there’s still a few of those, too.

#mcrmadness draws #my dä comics #my fub comics #my old drawings #dä fanart #die ärzte #belafarin

[factual-fantasy]

Answering 14 Asks. Ranging from advice, to my characters, to the rules for drawing fanart. (I’m allowing it now btw)

..You know? Since the last time this has ben mentioned I started thinking.

I would love to see fan art of my characters, and now I know you guys want to draw them. Originally I didn’t want anyone to draw my OCs for my own safety. This post goes into detail on that. But I’ve been thinking.. and I think I might’ve found a way to let people draw fan art of my ocs without exposing anything. With rules. If what you plan to draw “breaks the rules” that means that its one of those “exposing things” I talked about.

Man I am such a sissy. I just don’t want to be bashed for anything. But okay look, here are the “rules” for my fan art.

You absolutely are allowed to draw my characters in one of these categories.

Draw a character that you like posing or smiling to show them off.

Cool action scenes! Most of them are soldiers after all.

Interacting with some of the real team prime members is 100% okay. Especially Volvo and Ratchet because they're supposed to be friends.

Drawing Brown Suburban and Bash Buggy hanging out with the other Wreckers!

Drawing two or more established friends goofing around and having innocent fun. 

Drawing a character with an established sad backstory being sad or crying it out. With or without someone that has been established as their friend.

Redrawing scenes that I have already drawn to see it in your style.

If I have mentioned a character likes something, you could draw them with it. An example would be Ranger looking out over a river because she loves water.

You’re allowed to draw me with the characters, although I am kiiiinda a fourth wall break? I’m not really supposed to exist in their world.. So, if you really wanna, you can draw me, but I wouldn't encourage it.

Ones I would not be okay with though..

Drawing my characters getting drunk/drinking. <:/ Not on board with that..

Drawing any of my characters, wearing, talking about or supporting anything political or controversial.. Whether it be over the top or subtle.

No uh.. no ships please, Red Van and Suburban are okay but nothing overly sexual please. :}

No fourth wall breaks please. I know I have had my slip ups but I would like to keep a wall up in between their world and ours. I.E no drawing yourself with them..

Well uh.. that’s about it I suppose. You can basically draw anything, Just no ships, nothing overly sexual or political and keep the fourth wall breaks to a minimum. I myself need to work on not breaking the fourth wall.

I guess that’s it. So if you want to draw fanart for me, and it “follows the rules”? I am bouncing off the walls excited to see what you make for me! Link to their character sheets is here, keep in mind it may be edited now and then.

I am officially giving my fans permission to draw my OCs as long as it “follows the rules”, Have fun drawing!!

Escort would be like, 

When it comes to digital, I use a small Intuos pro Wacom tablet. The model is PHT-451. I’m just reading things off the back of it here. It looks like this.

When it comes to traditional drawing, I use nothing but the finest Walmart mechanical pencils and sketch books. I also usually have a standard pink school eraser on hand as well. :}

Hmm.. If they could use a bouncy castle.. Well,

Brown Suburban and Suburban wouldn’t use it for the same reasons. They’re both too big and it would just make them tired. However, if the the kiddos wanted him to, Suburban would just shrug and hop on.

Miata would be on it before its even fully blown up. She’d love bounce houses.

Escort wouldn’t use it because he’s old and weak. Trying to jump up and down like that would tire him out super fast and would just make him ache probably. Poor baby, he’d probably want to though.🥺

U.M.Dragster would be hopping on it before it was fully blown up along side Miata.

A.T.Dragster would like it but would pretend not to.

Green Truck and Vega wouldn’t do it because they’re old and that would really tire them out. But Vega would want to even though he really shouldn’t.

Red Van would like to jump with the kids, but she cant. After what those cons did to her knees.. she can barley walk, let alone jump. repeatedly.

White Truck would love to jump on a bounce house and would have a ton of fun with it. Although due to his size and strength he would probably get tired faster than Miata and U.M. would.

Beluga and Jeepy would love to, and they would. But just like White Truck, they’re big and would get tired pretty quickly I feel.

With enough coaxing, Honda would like to jump on the bounce house too. And she would have a decent amount of energy left over.

Ranger would say she doesn’t want to and wouldn’t go on it. But she lowkey actually wants to join, she just doesn’t want to seem silly.

Volvo: No.

Bash Buggy would probably want to, but would shy away. He cant see people all that well and parts tend to fall off of him. He imagines he’s not all that clean either so he wouldn’t want to get the bounce house dirty and covered in bolts and screws.

A Decepticon.. that one ugly one.? And I know which one?? 

I actually don’t know which one. I know its not one of mine, because I’ve never drawn them before.

I know its not Knock Out, because he was designed to look attractive. Its not Break Down because he’s not ugly and he’s..... uh, dead..... Its not Soundwave because you cant see his face. Its not Shockwave because.. well, I don't think he’s ugly. Is it Megatron? Starscream?

Who are you talking about???

Its weird how Bash is the idiot when Bulkhead was the one who asked, “Were you killed??” and ALL FOUR OF THEM were relieved when he said he lived.

Isaac sounds so cool! I really like how you structured his character, he sounds like a really fun guy, and yeah, I bet they would really get along swell XD

Well here’s the thing, I can only really tell you the age of the real cars and how old I imagined them being in Transformer years. The reason why is because I don't know how long Cybertronians live and cant use any of the other characters as a reference.

Bumblebee is seen as the youngest, and Ratchet I think is seen as the oldest. Like Teenager vs elder kind'a thing. If I knew how old they were, I could compare them to my OCs and give you a proper age.. but I cant find any info, so this’ll just have to do for now. <:{

Now, normally I have a rule of thumb that I follow. The characters Cybertronian age should at least match up a little with their car age. 40 years is really old for a car, so the character should be really old in robot years. 40 years would translate to like 50 or 60 in Cybertronian years if you get what I’m saying. So, Here’s the age of the real life cars and how old I imagined them to be in Cybertronian years. From oldest to youngest.

Green Truck was made in 1972, he is 48 years old. I pictured him being in his late 50s, coming on 60 years old in Cybertronian years.

Vega was made in 1974, he is 46 years old. I pictured him being in his mid 50s somewhere, in Cybertronian years of course.

Brown Suburban was made in 1978, he is 42 years old. Despite him not being that old in real life, I thought of him being ancient in Cybertronian years. Like, he’s closing up on 90 or something and yet he’s still super strong and in fighting condition. The idea was that Bulkhead and Wheeljack were surprised to see him on Earth, they both kind’a though he had died of age by then. 

Escort was made in 1986, he is 34 years old. Not too old, but I portray him as if he’s reaching his 50s in Cybertronian years.

Suburban was made in 1988, he is 32 years old. I always pictured him being somewhere in his mid forty's in Cybertronian years.

Bash Buggy was made in 1990, he is 30 years old. I kind’a pictured him being somewhere in his 30s actually, so that works out.

Red Van was made in 1993, she is 27 years old. I thought she could be in her very early 40s. Like 41 or maybe 42 years old.

Miata was made in 1994, she is 26 years old. I always pictured her being like in her early twenties. Think 22 to 23.

I haven’t talked about him yet, but Duck Truck was made in 1996, and is 24 years old. He’s one of the Decepticons, his year was written down so I figured I’d add him in too. I always pictured him as a younger Cybertronian, like in his 20s somewhere.

Jeepy was made in 1996, he is 24 years old. Which is actually how old I always pictured him being. Young and full of spirit, probably about 24 years old in Cybertronian years.

Ranger was also made in 1996, she is also 24 years old. But I pictured her being somewhere in her late 30s, closing in in 40.

White Truck was also made in 1996, he also is 24 years old. But I pictured him being rather young, maybe just getting to 20 or a tiny bit older. Not quite at 24 I feel.

Volvo was made in 1998, he is 22 years old. But I feel this old crank pot would fit being around 30 to 35 years old better.

Honda was made in 2000, she is 20 years old. That’s just about how old I imagined her being, maybe a little older though? Maybe 23 to 24 or something.

Beluga was made in 2004, she is 16 years old. I always pictured her being closer to her big sisters age though, so maybe about 20 to 22 years old.

Then... there’s the Dragsters.. and here’s the thing.. U.M.Dragster was made in 2006, so he is 14 years old.. he is our youngest car. Then there’s A.T.Dragster, she was made in 1969, which makes her a whopping 51 years old and our oldest car to date.

This is where I broke that age rule.. I wanted these two to be twins for a multitude of reasons. But how could they be? One is 14 and one is 51, how can they be twins? So I thought okay, they cant be twins, period. ...but they at least need to be siblings, their history demands it. But how would that work?

There are 37 years of age in between them. If they were siblings they couldn’t have grown up together because of the age difference, so there wouldn't be that sibling bond.. But that’s what I want for them at least, is for them to be siblings that grew up together.

So I figured I had two options. I could either follow the age rule that I had structured for everyone else, and just either make them related in some other way other than siblings, or make them not related at all..

Or.. I could completely break the rule so that these two could be siblings.

I’m sure you know which one I went with. I couldn't justify them being twins though because the age difference still bugged me, so they’re just siblings.

A.T is supposed to be in her late 20s, and her little brother U.M is in his early 20s.

When it comes to the real team prime?

I imagined Optimus was like.. in his 40s or something?

I imagined Ratchet is in his 50s somewhere, maybe closing in on 60?

Bulkhead might be somewhere in his 30s.

Wheeljack could be in his 30s too, but I always saw him being a little older than the others.. maybe closing in on 40?

Bumblebee always came off as like a teen, but realistically he might just be early 20s.

Arcee seems like she might be in her late 20s somewhere.

Smokescreen seems to be early 20s, not sure if he’s older or younger than Bumblebee though.

I felt like Ultra Magnus could be in his 40s, but he’d be younger than Optimus I’d guess.

Ohh! That’s a clever one! :DD Well lets see, let me go through the list. XD

Suburban would probably tell you about the war itself, not really about his past specifically. Like, he’d tell you how the war started and what his job was as a medic. But he wouldn't tell you any of the gruesome stuff or much else, for his own sake and yours.

As far as Miata’s story has developed, she hasn’t experienced anything particularly traumatic. So she’d probably fill you in on all that she can remember.

Escort would tell you some stuff, but he wouldn’t tell you anything about what happened after the war on Cybertron. If you asked him he’d get pretty fidgety and would probably get upset.

Brown Suburban would tell you all the wrecker stories in the book, but would try and avoid the stories he thought you couldn’t handle. When it comes to his story specifically though.. he doesn’t want to talk about it.

Both Dragsters wouldn’t want to share their pasts, but might talk about their childhoods if you were nice enough.

Green Truck would probably tell you his whole life story, but would sugar coat it and gloss over the gruesome and traumatic details.

Vega would tell you everything he remembers. He would tell you about his life story, his family and his friends.. but then the story would abruptly cut, and Vega would kind’a get this.. strange look on his face. You’d ask, “What happens next?” And he would just quietly go, “..I.. I don’t know. Everything just.. goes black there. It was dark for a long time.. and then I just.. woke up.. thousands of years older than I was when I went to sleep.” 

Red Van and Beluga would tell you the happy parts of their pasts and gloss over or sugar coat the gruesome parts. 

If you coaxed him enough, White Truck would tell you everything, good and bad. But he’d be nervous or uncomfortable through most of it and it would put him in a weird mood for the rest of the day.

Honda would tell you in great detail about everything she remembers. But she would clam up when she got to the part of the story that talks about her first mission.

Ranger would tell you everything, good and bad, but would lighten it up a little bit as to not freak you out too much.

It would take some convincing, but Volvo would probably share a few interesting stories here and there. His past is not a pretty one, and he feels no reason to share it with anyone, unless its for educational reasons.

Jeepy wouldn’t tell you much. He doesn’t like to think about his past. But he would boast all day to anyone about that one time he saved someone's life or that time he got away from a dangerous situation unscathed.

Bash Buggy doesn’t like to talk about it much, but he would give you a general timeline of sorts. Like, “This happened, and then this, and then this guy came and this happened, and then this big thing happened, and a couple thousand years later I’m here.” kind’a thing.

It was redraw of that one meme from Ice age XD

But in all honesty, he probably has suffered enough damage at several points in his life that shut him down or at least should’ve, but he somehow got back up and kept moving.

The first thing he did when he woke up and really processed it, was he went to go wake up Suburban and show him.

I.. think you’re talking about this one? Haven’t seen the movie but it seems fun XD. My taste in movies is 𝒟𝒾𝓈𝓃𝑒𝓎.

You think what you’ve seen is cute? Boi you haven’t seen what he’s like when he’s trying to comfort someone. XD

First off, how dare you make me cry with your sickly sweet and heart felt words. Second off, thank you so much! And third, I can go over the process of how the 16 of them came to be if it’ll help. Don’t worry I’ll try and sum it up. 

So, with other types of characters all this unique personality stuff would be pretty hard.. but with these real life cars turned into Transformers stuff? It was kind’a easy for me to do this.

For one, I based the cars personalities off of the vibe that the cars always gave off to me, and their drivers personalities. The best example being Honda. I always saw the car having this sweet and gentle vibe, and her driver is the same way. So as a character, I just gave her what felt most familiar when looking at that car.

Brown Suburban has always gave off the vibe that I designed him with. The strong and silent type, but with a big heart for kids and family. *cough cough* the wreckers *cough cough*.

With Volvo I didn’t really have either things to base him off of, so I just basically copied Ratchet and shifted his personality around a bit.

With Bash Buggy though, he’s a new edition to the family. We got him this year I believe. So I just designed a bot that could match how his car looks, and a personality came with it. He could have an adventurous personality, which is why he’d be in dangerous situations and always get hurt. And then I think, “Hey! He could be a Wrecker! A really tiny one!”. The personality stuff was just kind’a there already or was easy to imagine.

Now.. their bodies.. uh.. well, I started with the same thing every time If I remember right. I would take the front of the car, take it apart or split it and rearrange it on the chest of the transformer.

With Red Van, I took the face of the car, split it down the center and spread them apart to make the breast plates.

I basically did this with everyone else too. Just cut up the face of the car and rearranged them and put them on the chest of the transformers. Here’s Green Truck, Volvo and Vega as some more examples.

Well, I notice now my mistake now.. You see Optimus, Ratchet, Bumblebee and Arcee have windows on their bodies. The glass parts of their forms don't just shatter and disappear, the glass windows either rest on their chests or back wings. I should have put windows on some of their chests, and not put the tires or their back so much. But eh, you live and you learn. I’ll do better with the cons.

Now, when it comes to the arms and legs of the transformers, I just drew what felt right.. I don’t know what to tell you.. I can try to show you my thought process maybe?

Red Van is square, but round, not sharp like Suburban. She is more hollow than she is dense and she is not very complicated. In looks, and in functionality. I also wanted key features of hers to be present on her body to help identify her. Such as her silver trim, her hood ornament, etc. 

So, with all these things in mind, I drew a character that matched the car and had all the mentioned features.

The face is more complicated.. but here’s what I remember thinking.

Its complicated.. uhg, I don’t even know if this is helping.

But basically, I based the characters off of the cars they are, the history they have, and the people who drive them. For personality and looks. 

By taking the car, deconstructing some parts of it and rearranging them on the body of the character, it makes things a little easier. And if the character is modelled after someone that already exists, it makes constructing their personality a lot easier.

Overall, this is all I can really tell you. Most of their designing was just stuff I pulled out of my aft and slapped on the paper. I have no idea how I thought of these things but I did, and now they’re here.

I hope this was somewhat informative, I know I probably didn’t explain it well or even answer your question.. If I didn’t, please. ask me again so I can actually try to help you.

Anyway, thank you for the ask. I took it as a huge compliment and it got me all giddy, XD I hope I was at least a little help in your artistic adventures. :} ♡

#my response #transformer ocs #my advice #my tutorials #transformers #transformers prime

[pepperjackart]

How I do “Inktober” 2021

In regards to prompts...

I’ve been doing the Inktober art challenge since 2017 and I’ve never been a big fan of the Official Prompt List. It was never in line with the kind of artwork I want to make. So I just, wouldn’t follow the prompts. It sounds silly that I’m making a whole post about it but it’s honestly so freeing to decide: I am going to draw everyday as a challenge but I won’t follow the Official Prompts. Or even dedicate myself to one prompt list. Every year I participate, I’ve gotten closer to actually finishing the art challenge too.

I know myself best so what works for me is writing whatever I feel like and also thumbnail sketches along with my ideas.

I will always compile a list of other 30 day art challenges and just write down the prompts I like for the year. And then write a list of things I’ve been wanting to draw but haven’t had the time or energy to! It’s so helpful to actually have a list of ideas you want to draw. You’re allowed to do whatever you want.

Inktober is a tool

The pace of a 30 day art challenge forces you to just create work, even if it’s not the most polished. Inktober is a tool to just put ideas down and if you want, you can come back to them later! Revisiting and redrawing the work you create during the challenge could offer all sorts of benefits. Maybe you just polish up an idea or maybe you show your growth. This mind set also relieves the pressure of I have to make a complete and perfect drawing because you can always comeback to it later!

Here’s an Inktober I transformed into a polished illustration an entire year later!

Be forgiving

I haven’t ever finished an entire month of Inktober so what I’ve learned is... be kind to yourself and the work you’ve created. Keep your old drawings. You’ll be proud of them later. Every year I learn how to be nicer to myself and every year I’m more forgiving if I miss a day or I drop the whole challenge. Now I’m determined to finish the entire month challenge!!! but I’m ready to accept and be understanding when life gets in the way or I just get tired. Every year I practice a 30 day art challenge I get better at thinking of ideas, compositions, and putting them on the page. And so will you!

Just do what you want :-))

#long post #drawing #artists on tumblr #illustration #art #traditional art #Inktober #art tips #personal rant #this post is honestly for me and to give me the confidence boost I need a remind myself I am a professional ™️

[firstdove15]

Trying to clean up another section of the room and I keep getting distracted looking over old sketchbooks. 😂

I'll hoard used sketchbooks over old journals (unless the latter was a gift, then I'll keep it) because sketchbooks feel a little less intrusive if someone came across it. I dunno.

Main thoughts while going through them:

1) It was fun pinpointing which fandom I was hyperfixated on when I was drawing in that sketchbook (i.e. one sketchbook is almost nothing but ATLA and Naruto while another is full of Slayers.) Half of the sketches were sketches for shipping weeks like Taang, Zutara, Zelame, Xelfi, etc. Also one sketchbook had half of it filled with Tenchi Muyo (mainly Ryoko and Ryoko/Tenchi and Ryoko & Aeka content).

Most of these sketches are on my old deviantART account. XD

2) I took a few pics of pics I either want to redraw or eventually color if they're not too old (i.e. I want to revisit some OCs just for the heck of it and there's a Plance sketch that, while not perfect, WAS fun to do and wouldn't mind sharing that at some point).

3) While most of the stuff was nostalgic, I cringed at the parts where I basically let myself get used by someone online one summer in college. They asked me to draw, like, sixteen drawings for them and I, my naive 19-year-old self, did most of them. XD I'm almost 30 and I still haven't mentally recovered from that. XD

....I think that was the same year I unknowingly did ABDL art for another free client. XD

4) There's a few collabs/sketches my cousin Z did so of course that sketchbook isn't going anywhere. ❤️💕

#personal #art spaz #i mean i still like drawing for ppl but that dude lowkey messed me up bc he had the audacity to try to ask for more #and i had to put my foot down bc i was burnout w him and was trying to do a comic w z

[comradeclown]

OK, so in honour of my top posts now being me saying at various degrees of length that Arthur is gay (hashtag mylegacy, lmao…), I thought I should just go for it and actually dive in a bit a lot into why I read the character as gay. Now, usually all the justification I need to read a character as gay is “wouldn’t it be cool if this character I like/relate to/etc were gay like me?” and “it’s OK, officer, I do what I want”, and I’m well aware that 99% of the time it’s me using my own creativity to do a resistant reading + the film/book/whatever bumbling into subtext entirely by accident. And while I definitely don’t think there’s ever any more justification needed for any kind of LGBT reading, lol, as it comes to Arthur, obviously feel free to disagree with me, but I honestly think my read of him as a gay man is entirely textually supported, however unwitting and accidental that might have been on the part of the filmmakers (mind you, I don’t think it was Todd Phillips’ conscious intent, but I’m like… 85% sure Joaquin Phoenix knew exactly what he was doing).

(ETA that this is extremely long, so I’ve put it all under a cut.)

First of all, there’s of course… pretty much the entirety of Joaquin Phoenix’s performance (a very, very small sample can be found in my he gay son tag and just generally in my arthur fleck tag, ha), from his mannerisms to his physicality to the way he interacts with other characters. I know part of it is a function of wanting to go back to the character’s campy roots (which are themselves… you know…), and I know I’m relying on stereotypes to some extent, but first of all, you can’t divorce either camp or gender non-conformity from LGBT history and existence, and secondly this is literally how characters have been coded as gay throughout the entire history of cinema. What I’m saying here is that you can’t have a character who acts like Arthur does, literal limp wrist and all, or says “come on, Muuuurrrayyy, do I look like the kind of girl clown who could start a movement” the way he does, to pick one of many, many examples, and not evoke the long history of cinematic wink emojis at People Like Me.

That in itself would… honestly be plenty, lol, but it could be chalked up to, idk, Joaquin Phoenix doing his own thing, were it not for the fact that it’s completely reinforced at every turn by the filmmaking language, even down to his wardrobe choices, and it’s worth noting at this point that the framing is always one of empathy — albeit with nuance — and affording the character subjectivity, rather than being “ew, look at this gross [homophobic slur]”. Like, the very first time we see Arthur, literally our first impression of the character, he’s at a mirror, putting on make-up and then ruining it by crying, and while the make-up is of course part of his job, this is just not how the inner crises of straight male characters are expressed in the language of cinema. Of note too is the fact that he’s clearly visually separated from his co-workers in all the scenes at Ha-Ha’s, indicating his alienation from them, and while this could be chalked up purely to his disabilities, I don’t buy that that’s the only reason, given that Gary gets shit due to his dwarfism, sure, but at the end of the day he’s clearly “one of the boys” in a way Arthur (can’t be) isn’t.

There are honestly so many examples of the framing working to separate Arthur from conventional masculinity and heterosexuality that I’m just going to pick some highlights, such as: obviously, the way he expresses himself emotionally through dancing (to the point that one of his coworkers explicitly ribs him about it, “if your dancing doesn’t do the trick”), which again is not something that straight male characters do in the language of cinema. The fact that all the media we see him consume is musicals, classic comedies and a talk show he’s obsessively fannish about and watches with his mother — and we know he’s a fan of the show as a whole, not just Murray, hence him saying “I love Dr Sally” (and the way he says it…). Or, speaking of his media habits, when he’s dancing with the gun while watching Shall We Dance, this could have so, so easily been about him ~regaining his lost masculinity~ through, say, fantasies of revenge or badassery, but instead it’s about him being acknowledged as a great dancer and punishing bad dancers, and it all ends in slapstick anyway.

Also, while I’m on this topic, I want to address the nature of Arthur’s dissociative fantasies about Sophie. Honestly, I don’t read them as indicative of genuine romantic/sexual interest at all, because the film frames them as identical to Arthur’s more deliberate daydreams about Murray. I mean, not that I’m adverse to gay readings of that if that’s what you want to do, lmao, but to me they’re both very clearly post-traumatic fantasies of having another person look after you for once, of having someone value and cherish you and take care of you emotionally (which obviously has massive appeal if you’ve been dealing with the after-effects of catastrophic trauma all your life but nobody has given a shit about your suffering and you’ve had to be the one to look after other people to boot). Note that after the get-together with Sophie — which is clearly patterned after all those old comedies and musicals Arthur watches — the Sophie fantasies are incredibly platonic and involve things like having another person be there for you in a crisis, telling you something supportive, getting you a hot drink (in contrast with the reality of the hospital scene, in which Arthur is alone and he’s the one trying to comfort someone else, i.e., holding Penny’s hand), essentially no different from fantasy!Murray hugging Arthur and knowing exactly what to say to make him feel good about himself. Also note that both fantasies involve being the object of someone else’s affection, Murray picks Arthur out of the audience and Sophie comes to him, it’s a pillow princess Cinderella fantasy, more than someone loving you it’s about being loved. (And, once more, this could easily have all been v. v. different, the Murray fantasy could have been the much more conventionally masculine fantasy of being a famous comedian and being invited on Murray’s show, the Sophie fantasies could have had an undeniable sexual component, etc.)

Anyway, to get back to the general point of cinematic framing, again if the movie didn’t want me to read Artie as gay, it shouldn’t have had a pivotal moment in his character arc be him sitting at his mother’s vanity table, doing a new make-up look which involves using her lipstick, and then having a Moment while he’s literally holding a quasi-glamour shot of her.

And the thing is, all these reams of stuff aren’t even the key piece of the puzzle for me, which is the way in which the film as a whole can be read as a gay narrative. I’ve posted before about how part of the emotional catharsis of the film is about Arthur finally shamelessly embracing and even revelling in all his freakishness and socially-despised traits, a big one of which being what is arguably his effeminacy and… honestly I don’t need to explain how that’s a classic gay (and more generally LGBT) narrative, do I? Like, there’s a reason why a pivotal scene is Arthur having his hair-dyeing underwear rave in a flat that’s suddenly incredibly bright and sunny for the first time, it’s about reclaiming the pain and ugliness of your life and your circumstances into a space of potential liberation, which is honestly why this movie is always going to be incredibly personally meaningful to me for so many reasons, but definitely meaningful to me as a gay woman. (Again, this could so, so easily have been about him becoming some stone-cold badass or whatever, but instead the film has him dye his hair, put on a super garish new outfit and new make-up look, dance shamelessly in the street, and be incredibly campy on national television.)

More generally, there’s other aspects of the narrative arc that tie into this general theme and which also serve to continually distance Arthur from the conventional cinematic narratives of heterosexual manhood: for instance, once he starts fully embracing the Joker persona — which is… just Arthur, the crucial difference is in how others perceive him and how he perceives himself — any attraction to women, feigned or real, goes completely out the window and the only genuinely affectionate interaction he has with another human being is with Gary (I know we all love to joke about his first kiss being with Dr Sally, but it’s obviously Comedy Jokes and he doesn’t even kiss her for real, his make-up is completely intact; Arthur’s only real kiss in the movie is when he kisses Gary). Or, when Arthur’s personal narrative finally intersects completely with the larger social narrative — which is itself about upheaval, reclamation and potential liberation — the big triumphant moment is him once again dancing, this time for a cheering crowd, and using blood like lipstick to redraw his smile.

Or even, to a lesser extent, his whole sub-plot with his mother, before I watched the film I was worried that this was going to be the usual narrative about the henpecked guy who finally puts the bitch in her place as part of becoming a Real Man, and it’s not at all, quite the opposite, Arthur is not henpecked and is clearly in charge of the household, he genuinely loves Penny — and is confident she loves him back — and enjoys doing at least some things with her (them watching the Murray Franklin Show together), and up until the reveal any issues he has with her are largely the product of having to look after an ill person with zero social support and while working a physically and emotionally demanding job and dealing with his own disabilities. When he kills her, it’s a deeply sad and self-destructive scene and it’s the result of his profound anguish and sense of betrayal and he frames it as the bitter, trauma-haunted dark half of self-actualisation and self-acceptance (“that’s the real me”, “I haven’t been happy one minute of my entire fucking life”, “now I realise… it’s a fucking comedy”).

Or, at a more meta-textual level, the way the film is unabashedly both a pulpy thriller and a melodrama, just shamelessly embracing all its emotions, its pain and catharsis, without a trace of irony. Like, yeah, part of this is the immense sincerity and compassion Joaquin Phoenix brings to his performance, but it really is the movie’s approach as a whole, and when there is humour — and I do think there’s quite a lot of humour in the movie — it’s not the distancing, let’s-not-feel-anything-too-deeply-bro humour of your typical MCU movie, it’s the camp sensibility of laughing with and at your own tragedy. (Myriad examples down to the use of certain songs in the soundtrack.)

On a final note, you guys know how much I don’t care about authorial intent, but I feel compelled to point out that in his director’s commentary, Todd Phillips says, while discussing Arthur’s journey into becoming Joker, that he reads the larger pop-cultural character of the Joker as someone who doesn’t want women, and like… Again, it’s not like I think that he was deliberately making a gay narrative in any way, it’s just that if you’re creating this journey of a man who eventually becomes a character who’s not interested in women in that sense, you’ve also just ended up stumbling into a gay narrative accidentally on purpose, lmao, what’s the real difference between “at the end of the story, Arthur doesn’t want women because he’s ~da Joker now, baby, he doesn’t want anything~” and “at the end of the story, Arthur doesn’t want women because he’s gay and he’s no longer deeply repressed and closeted”?

Anyway, like I said, feel free to disagree, he’s a fictional character, lol, but this is where I’m coming from, and the reason why if everyone involved in the movie decided to make a statement tomorrow about how much Arthur Fleck wants to bone women I’d just say “shit, idc, I’m afraid you made a gay movie about Arthur Fleck, a gay man, it’s a little too late to retcon this bitch now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”. Also this is over 2,000 words long what the fuck I am so sorry

#long post #joker 2019 #class struggle clown movie #arthur fleck #dive down into chuckletown #he gay son #now in the form of 95 theses nailed to my tumblr #gonna make a letterboxd list called 'the author is dead this is lgbt cinema now'