#also this is so incredibly lighthearted i cannot stress this enough

[christshands]

#im so curious on yalls thoughts on hell honestly #also this is so incredibly lighthearted i cannot stress this enough

[twis-world]

The Remedy That Is You (Azul Version)

Mentions: Azul-Centric, Fluff, Second Person, Gender Neutral Reader, Very Possible OOC Azul and Floyd cause god are they hard for me to write...

Haha...hi...been a while huh...

While this is severely rushed and possibly the worst one out of this mini series so far its also basically 2k words sooooooo

Take it or leave it (i really wouldn't blame you for leaving it)

No matter how many a time the students of Nightraven College witnessed how their Housewarden did a complete 180 in your presence, it never ceased to amaze them.

It eventually got to the point where a majority of students began to question if you really were magickless. There was just no way your mere presence could bring out such light in their eyes, face softening and a smile so tender it was as if they were gazing upon one of the Seven.

Just how did you do it?

Azul

Being on romantic terms with Azul Ashengrotto of all people required both patience and understanding, which you thankfully had. 

While he utterly loved and adored every inch of you, he also had a dorm and business to run. Both of which were also incredibly dear to him. His pride, his joy, a living and thriving embodiment of his hard work and how far he made it. You knew that. You knew and understood that there were occasionally times where he would have to take some time for himself to further nurture it all, and by The Seven did he love you even more for that.

So while it was just a bit disappointing to have to reschedule your date to town to another day, you took it in stride. It didn’t take a genius to tell that your boyfriend was truly remorseful when giving you the news, eyes downcast and ungloved hands gingerly caressing the back of your hands as he held them.

“I cannot stress how regretful I am about this darling…” he muttered, not bothering to hide the ever so small quiver in his voice. “I’m usually not so disorganized but I had not realized how far off this month’s revenue really was from our average and it didn’t even occur that I miscalculated-”

“Azul,” you interrupted with a small laugh, giving a lighthearted smile as you cupped his cheek and raised his head up. You waited, giving him as much time as he needed to to finally muster up the courage to look into your eyes. “I promise you, I do not mind. Not in the slightest.”

The small peck you gave him to further bolden your claim finally got him to perk up just a bit, a barely restrained smile itching to shine as his lips chased your own. 

That was just barely two hours ago, a full one hundred and twenty minutes passing since your separation. Not that you were counting. Your eyes definitely were not constantly drifting up to the small clock sitting in the upper corner of your phone screen. 

Two hours and fifteen minutes…

This time you physically shook your head around, cursing yourself. It was only for the night. You would inevitably see Azul again tomorrow where he would stand at the entrance gates of Night Raven, patiently waiting for you as you embarked on the long trek to the campus. Then many more times throughout the day you would be blessed with his loving presence, until the newly scheduled date night made way once more. There was truly no reason for you to get so hung up on one once canceled date.

You focused your attention on your phone screen once more. Tired eyes took in the dramatics happening before you, low volume humming in your ears so as to not awaken your sleeping companion just a foot away from you. No matter how many times Grim swore he would not crash during another episode of the show you enjoyed watching together, he failed every time only to complain about it the next morning. The thought made a small smile come to your face, the repeating occurrence never ceasing to amuse you.

Suddenly a series of knocks sounded through the dorm, quite muffled through the various walls and whole floor separating you from the entrance. They came in rapid succession, loud and persisting enough to quickly spark annoyance from within. With a sigh you sat up, staring at your still snoring companion with envy, before getting up and starting the sluggish trek to your bedroom door. 

Not once during your trip down did the knocks cease. Instead they only grew if humanly possible. By the time you finally reached the door separating you from whatever heathen stood on the other side the entire thing was rattling from the utter strength used.

Annoyance had long since begun brewing into utter frustration, a feeling you didn’t hesitate to express as you swung the door open and greeted the disturbance with a loud ‘what!’.

“Nice seeing you too Shrimpy!” A far too cheerful Floyd greeted loudly, raised fist still in the air. Sharpened teeth grinned at you, poised and ready to attack at a moment's notice. A reality that normally would send shivers of unease down your spine, but not now.

“What do you need,” you sighed, tired eyes glancing around. “No Jade?”

“Nah, he’s busy running things at the lounge right now,” Floyd answered, pocketing his hand and leaning against the doorway. “Things are pretty crazy right now.”

“Running the lounge?” You questioned, all exhaustion steadily leaving your mind as a frown set it. “What about Azul? Did something happen to him? Is he sick?”

As his grin grew, so did the unease within you. 

“Why don’t you ask him yourself!” He chirped. One moment you just barely saw his long arms reaching for you, the next the world was upside down as the wind was knocked out of you from your attacker’s bony shoulder.

“Wha-Floyd!” Fists did not hesitate to slam against the others back, each hit enunciating your screams. “Put!” Hit. “Me!” Hit. “Down.” Double hit. “This!” Hit. “Instant!”

“No can do,” Floyd drawled, not phased by your feeble attack in the slightest. Instead he cackled as he purposely jostled you, pleased at your startled yelp and pained groan when his shouldered jabbed into you again. “I can’t stand looking at Azul’s mopy face any longer. It’s making me feel down and we can’t have that now can we Shrimpy?”

The threat was evident, one that sent chills down your spine, enough to quiet you but also give you time to ponder. Azul? Mopy? That was new. Sure there was stressed, annoyed, and emotionally drained Azul but never…mopy.

Before you knew it the familiar chatter of the Mostro Lounge surrounded you, customers of all years staring as Floyd pranced past them. Blissful ignorance was your dearest friend at that moment, helping you ignore Jade's unabashed laughter as you were taken down a short hall.

It seemed this time Floyd was far too impatient to wait for Azul to even consider opening the door for him, saving himself the “trouble” of knocking and instead kicking open the entrance. “Azuuuul!” He loudly drawled, prancing in and quickly zoning in on said man’s shocked gaze. “I’ve brought you a gift!”

“F-Floyd! What is the meaning of this?” Azul shouted, slamming gloved hands down onto his desk and staring at your hanging figure with wide eyes. You didn’t bother trying to lift yourself up, instead settling for giving a weak wave. “Did you really drag them all the way down here?”

The eel scoffed. “You should be thanking me. Everyone was getting sick of your whining.”

“This room is designed to be soundproof of which I have not left-”

“ANYWHO,” Floyd obnoxiously interrupted, marching forward and not so gently dropping you onto Azul’s desk once he got close enough. A thump combined with a yelp sounded. “Have fun and stop being so pouty!”

Before Azul could even begin to scold him the office door slammed shut, echoing around the room for a second and then leaving the atmosphere in an awkward silence. He slowly sat back down, mouth opening and closing like a fish (ironic considering). Gentle eyes slowly began to look at you, observing how you rubbed your backside with a slight wince. 

“I’m truly sorry. I don’t know what has gotten into him,” he said, reaching over to grab your other hand. His thumb caressed the back of it as he waited for you to recover, before nudging you to a stand and proceeding to guide you around his desk. You quickly pieced together what it was he wanted and with a teasing grin settled yourself comfortably in his lap. He in turn pointedly looked away, coughing slightly as to draw attention away from the faint blush on his cheeks.

“I won’t deny that the surprise kidnapping didn’t scare me a bit,” you shrugged, eyebrows furrowing as you scanned his face. “I didn’t care so much about that when he mentioned something about you being upset. Are you alright Azul?”

He sighed, shoulders sagging and arms loosening from their spot around your waist. “That loudmouth,” he muttered, blush flaring just a bit. It was clear he was embarrassed at being so exposed, yet he did not resist as your fingertips gently smoothed over his cheeks. The scowl on his face easily dropped, eyes drooping and head edging towards your warmth for more.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don't want to. I just want to make sure you’re alright. I never want you to feel upset if it’s something I can help you with.”

Azul was silent for a minute, seemingly mulling over your words and debating with himself if he wanted to concede. Whilst he did that you busied yourself with tracing over his features, relaxing him more and more with each caress. A small touch on his hairline, a smooth slide under his eye, a playful poke to his beauty mark which you loved so much. For a second you almost forgot that you were supposed to be patiently waiting for him to answer your question, lost in a trance of your own.

“I was simply…” he began, swallowing his own nerves, “upset at the rescheduling of our date.” You paused in your ministrations, leaning back just a bit and blinking at the utter devastation that was present on his face. “I was really looking forward to it and it made me so happy knowing how excited you were for it as well. Knowing we couldn’t go out because of my utter idiocy-”

“Azul,” you snapped, but quickly apologized once his eyes snapped back to yours in surprise. “Please don’t say things like that. I’ve already told you that I’m not upset in the slightest. You work hard everyday to be the best you can be for your dorm, the lounge, for me. It's okay to make a mistake from time to time.”

“But-”

“I don’t want to hear it.” You firmly placed a finger on his lips, waiting for him to stop his attempts at continuing before you did. “You need to stop being so harsh on yourself. I don’t think of you any less than I did yesterday, or the day before that, or the day before that. We had to push our date back just a few more days, so what? I’m just as excited for this one if not more, okay?”

This time it was your turn to restrain the warmth in your cheeks, eyes taking in how his were filled with such utter adoration. The barest sheen glossed over them, one that he quickly blinked away, before quickly cupping your face and bringing you in for a soft kiss. It was one you eagerly returned, sighing into him as your own body this time fully relaxed into his. Affection such as this was always so gentle with Azul, so warm and utterly loving that each time it sent off fireworks from inside you.

You knew he felt the same, just barely pulling back only for him to give you a peck, then another, then another, this next one branching out onto one cheek then the other. The next went to the tip of your nose, the space between your eyebrows, then finally the center of your forehead.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“Of course,” you whispered back.

#twisted wonderland #x reader #gender neautral reader #fluff #x gender neutral reader #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #gender neutral reader #azul #azul ashengrotto #azul x reader #azul twst #azul twisted wonderland #twst x reader

[tobiasdrake]

Do you have any thoughts on the Red ribbon army?

The RRA will left a mark on the history of Dragon Ball and will forever be a cornerstone of this entire series.

The Red Ribbon Army serves the purpose of bridging the gap between the silly and lighthearted antics of the first two arcs and the gradually more serious fare to come.

They offer Goku some interesting and creative challenges to overcome, while rarely being too threatening. For the most part, Goku bulldozes through everything they have to offer.

Hey, remember that time Goku sodomized a ninja? Good times.

But this goofy fare is juxtaposed against the real, serious menace of what the RRA is doing to the people around them.

Despite the ease with which Goku handles most problems that come his way, this feels tonally different from the first arc. There, the villains were local problems like a mountain on fire or a rabbit gangster. The closest thing to a serious villain was Pilaf of all people, and he just showed up with his Empire of Two Minions at the very end; Less a serious villain and more the last of the local problems.

Now Goku's fighting a geopolitical entity whose tendrils reach out across the world. The scope of this conflict isn't about what they can do to Goku. It's about what they are doing to other people.

These guys suck. Like. Professionally.

Also if you know who that child at knifepoint is then you know exactly how bad this is about to go for General Blue.

Hey, remember that time when Arale from Dr. Slump showed up for some reason to headbutt a Nazi in the balls with planet-splitting force? Good times.

I cannot stress enough that the Dr. Slump crossover is not anime filler. I just. I cannot stress that enough. This is an actual thing that happened in manga canon.

The RRA rarely pushes Goku, but that's not to say they're completely harmless either. General White gets a good shot in on Goku with his hyper-gun.

We've already seen that Goku isn't completely bulletproof; He takes some damage from getting shot with a gun.

So it's not clear how much stronger the hyper-gun is than a regular gun. Obviously not enough to penetrate Goku's skull. But I digress. Meanwhile, General Blue's paralyzing stare gives him an edge, since even he can't take Goku in a straight fight.

As an aside, I love how he menacingly approaches Goku while giggling and grasping the rock he was about to crush Krillin's skull with a moment ago. With the implication that he's going to bash Goku's skull with it instead.

But at the start of next chapter, the rock is nowhere to be seen.

So. I guess he had no malicious plans for that rock. He was just holding it and giggling for funsies. He's a rock fondler. We all have our quirks.

Now is probably a good time to mention that the anime added a scene to the Dr. Slump crossover in which General Blue is revealed to be a pedophile. That's it. That's the whole scene. He just stops off momentarily to hit on a little boy. That was something they felt the arc needed.

This does not mix well with Blue's shameless gay-coding in both the manga and anime alike.

So. Yeah. This was already weird and then Toei was like, "He should also be a pedophile. That's a good thing to spend our screentime on."

Thanks. I hate it.

Anyways.

This arc has been milked to death by future Dragon Ball material, and for good reason. The myriad adventures along each sub-arc of RRA has enough things going on that it's easy to hone in on any individual thing and make a story out of it.

This one guy who showed up during the General White portion inspired the entire Cell arc.

The whole-ass characters of Tenshinhan and Chiaotzu spun out of the legendary assassin Taopaipai.

(Who, and I cannot stress this enough, is holding a 20 Years of Assassination half-off sale. Oh my god. Hahahahahaha.)

The Saiyans weren't even a thought in Toriyama's head at the time he wrote this. But the way Goku steamrolls through Red Ribbon is incredible the second time through, with the added context of his heritage.

Later arcs are going to tell us that Goku is from a race of planet-killers, the greatest warriors in the universe, who shatter armies and planetary defenses, slaughtering entire worlds. And you can feel every ounce of that Saiyan heritage on display as Goku rips through the RRA like a force of nature.

There are even still some hooks left hanging, that the series never revisited.

Colonel Violet and General Copper are still out there somewhere. This is all we ever hear from either of them - Though the anime adds a subplot where Violet loots the fucking vault after seeing which way the wind was blowing during Goku's assault. XD

So. Yeah. There's a lot going on in this arc and a lot for future arcs to draw from. Taopaipai himself has the distinguished honor of being the first Serious Threat villain despite his goofier antics like tonguing General Blue to death.

I like how he notes that if you're going to put a professional assassin through the "Kill this man and prove your mettle" test, you gotta pay for that. Even if it's a test of his ability, it's still a hit.

But at least they still got the half-price bargain for Blue's humiliating demise. This is the best time for the discerning shopper to consider adding a few extra murders to their shopping cart.

Taopaipai straddles the line between comical shenanigans and deathly serious threat. This moment is where Serious Dragon Ball is born.

Because again, that is the scope of this arc. Not what the RRA can do to Goku, but what they are doing to people.

Though, for the first time in history, Taopaipai is someone who can fuck up Goku pretty bad too.

We've seen Goku lose fights before but we'd never seen someone body him like this. At least, not without an excuse like a sucker punch or Goku being super hungry or a paralyzing stare or something.

This was a game-changer for Dragon Ball. For the first time, Goku got to go at an opponent with everything he had and got wrecked. Taopaipai took him down with a killshot he only survived because the Dodonpa struck a Dragon Ball he was carrying rather than impacting his flesh.

There's just. So much about this whole arc to gush about. Even Goku's friends get a piece of the action.

Well, most of them do. There is one notable exception who doesn't get the opportunity to show off and unleash his true power. The mightiest of all Goku's allies, and an underrated powerhouse waiting for his day in the sun.

Some day, Turtle. Some day they will all know your might and tremble.

So. Yeah. There's a lot to love here, and it caps off with one of the greatest shocking swerves in the history of Dragon Ball.

Ho. Ly. Shit. The comical pettiness of Commander Red mixed with the serious outrage from Adjutant Black here is such a phenomenal blend of Dragon Ball Goofy and Dragon Ball Serious. And. I. Feel it.

Much like Frieza being a critique of capitalism, the selfishness, lack of empathy, and pettiness of world leaders on display here is something I've only come to better understand as I've gotten older. Commander Red is a silly caricature of a man but he could easily be a real person that exists.

This is what soldiers are used for. All too often, they die for nothing but the selfish and petty whims of men like Red. Adjutant Black was out here Big Bossing it up like a decade before Metal Gear was a thing.

There's a reason why Dragon Ball keeps coming back to this arc. Whether it's the legacy of the RRA in Dr. Gero or DBS: Super Hero, redoing Goku's climb of Karin Tower like four times, or the PTO as a sort of galactic RRA, the Red Ribbon Army left a mark on Dragon Ball whose influence would continue to be felt long after the organization's fall.

They're a cornerstone of Dragon Ball history that will never be forgotten.

#dragon ball #red ribbon army

[darkfinch]

how was the Lethal Weapon viewing experience? I remember you mentioning Convergence a couple times, and of course the Kittyfangs Saga has been a whole thing, but I don't remember if you've talked about Lethal Weapon. (I've never seen any of these and don't intend to, just curious.)

I do not think you are prepared for my response to this question unfortunately i am So sorry

……..sigh. the thing about lethal weapon is that it is fundamentally, structurally batshit. it is not a television show. it is an ordeal

* tw for suicidal ideation , suicide, depression, child death, pregnancy, bad television. also some spoilers for lethal weapon *

so in theory lethal weapon is a "television show" based on the 1987 film of the same name, where buddy cop character #1 (played by damon wayans) is a normal suburban dad with a cool wife and some cool kids (AND AN EXCEPTIONALLY ADORABLE BABY) who is heading back to work after getting a pacemaker.

buddy cop character #2 (played by our own mr crawford) is one hundred and sixty-seven layers of trauma bundled into one openly suicidal thing of pure chaos, currently transferring in to this police department after having suddenly lost his wife and baby a few months earlier

the thing is, damon wayans was brought in on the premise of this being a like, a funny lighthearted feel-good show primarily focused on his character and his character's adorable suburban family

clayne crawford was brought into this on the premise that they were going to let him do some absolutely gut-wrenching character shit (his most cherished thing to do, guy loves 2 be a man with problems) and a lot of fun action scenes

instead of blending these two concepts together into any kind of coherent media experience, what happens is that the creative team on this show (with help from a ton of behind-the-scenes bullshit no one will ever have enough time to dig through) ended up essentially making TWO INDIVIDUAL TELEVISION SHOWS and then stapling them together and praying

the results: *muffled distant screaming over upbeat pop music*

i genuinely cannot stress enough how much these two halves of this television show refuse to interact with one another on any level. Like. i am talking about clayne crawford experiencing beautifully shot sequences of suicidal ideation to sad indie music, hard cut, sitcom hijinks with this cute suburban family

the imperceptible Effect that this creates is that clayne crawford is doing all of his incredible fucked up character shit, experiencing grief in his illegally-parked trailer, walking along the edges of rooftops, casually mentioning that he wants to die, detailing his plan for how he’d kill himself Out Loud To His Partner with absolutely minimal prompting — and no one is allowed to engage with it, because they’re operating on funny show logic, and that would be a Bummer

i am not kidding :^) they're genuinely all just like "oh weird" *smash cut to drone footage of, like, LA or whatever, to upbeat pop music*

Iike i cannot convey what is happening in the show. The extent of it. wayans walks in on crawford holding a gun to his own head and it's treated like "oops i walked in on my coworker doing something awkward" they are ONE step away from awkward sitcom music, it is Not discussed in any meaningful way,

crawford’s OUT LOUD like "i have nothing to live for" and wayans (who is not a good coworker or a good friend) is like *offended voice* "well if you think THAT then maybe you SHOULD go kill yourself" *storms out* HEY HI HELLO. WHAT IN FUCK

unsolicited example number 3: crawford’s having a Bad Night, and he goes out and deliberately provokes a bunch of dudes in a bar into beating him half to death (possibly so that he doesn’t have to go to the family dinner he’s been invited to by wayans, who has a house and a family—AND a baby the same age his own kid would be if his pregnant wife had not died On The Way to the hospital to give birth, less than a year ago). Wayans calls him while he’s bleeding in the middle of the road to chew him out for missing the dinner. Wayans is like “this is really hurtful to me, you’ve hurt me” which is very extremely funny because crawford is physically hurt right now. Later crawford shows up to work beat up and wayans is like “oh weird” and they don’t have a real conversation abt it MOVING ONNN FUN SOUNDTRACK

but don't worry they're friends they're so so close they're Dude Buddies, Guy Friends, Family Even, HURT NO COMFORT TELEVISION SHOW,

This "television" "show" will not stop talking about mental health but the mental healths of the show are bad. For instance:

This man lives off of classic depression meals Exclusively, he visibly does not take care of himself, he’s barely getting out of bed in the morning, he says he likes weekends because he can lie on his couch and dissociate for 48 hours without any societal expectations, (HE’S, AGAIN, OPENLY DISCUSSING THAT HE WOULD LIKE TO NOT BE ALIVE), and it takes most of a season for his cop-assigned therapist to be like “wait holy shit?? like i might be reaching here but…..have you considered that you might have…………..The Depression. Textbook even. woah” and i lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling and netflix autoplays the next episode

It really only gets worse as the show goes on, because the people in charge of this production had to lie to and finagle these actors into working together again for season 2 (nonono don't worry, wayans reeaaaally wants to be here, we're gonna make this one single coherent television show don't WORRY)

we find out in s2 that crawford’s character’s life has been horrifying from the jump and he has never had even a goddamn SECOND of peace, but because he can’t talk through this information with any other character (because they don’t care on more than a surface level, because that would be weird and a bummer) he’s having these entirely internal character arcs and backstory revelations and they are CONTAINED EXCLUSIVELY within solo scenes and flashbacks in his half of the show 

but also for it to be a heartwarming buddycop scenario, he has to hang out with the suburban family and get to know the wife and the kids etc etc, which he does —but they can’t know Him or anything about his situation, because that’s not suburbia-sitcom-vibe-appropriate, so they don’t. Faux found family. Found family like how your employer’ll be like “we’re a family here” and you’re like “uh oh”

(like. you know how people are like "well my dnd character wouldn't ever talk about his tragic backstory and wouldn't really want to work with people" and it's like okay jeremy, but this is fiction, so if you want the story to work you sometimes have to find a way to Make Them Do That. that's one of the thousand curses of this televisioned showe)

AND THE THING IS, the thing is, right, this show is actually so fucking good at times. I’m saying it i will say it it has SHINING MOMENTS of brilliance. Mr. Crawford’s hair is wonderful. The traditional cop show side characters are a delight. The soundtrack is fun. The suburban wayans family are my family and i love them. There ARE cute buddy cop moments it IS fun i DO love the antics i DO love mr crawford nailing the “comedic manic glee -> ohhhhhh im weeping abt lethal weapon” quickchange

(AND, if we take a step to the left, the show can be read as a stumbling commentary on the isolation that often comes with mental illness and grief etc etc. if we squint and offer more credit than is deserved)

But the dialogue is frequently Quite bad, one half of the main buddycop duo comes off as being entirely apathetic and self-centred and just bizarrely Incurious, the writing is........writing (my FAVOURITE scene is where crawford’s lad has a drunken one-night-stand, feels like he’s cheated on his wife, goes to a crime scene feeling extremely Crisis about it, and then wayans sees him and goes “sinner”. And crawford points to himself like :’0 “me?” but it turns out “sinner” was carved into the victims’ chest I TAKE IT BACK i love this dumb fucking show) 

(also. it imploded behind the scenes, which i'm not going to go into here because it's a lot of unnecessary nonsense, but end result was that The Powers That Be were like "crawford's the problem we're replacing him" when in reality wayans didn't want to be there and everyone was miserable and nothing was working. his Section of the show ends weirdly, and then they do one (1) season with a new character in his place, and no one watches it, and then the show ends dlksjhflkjsh)

Anyway lethal weapon is a Harrowing thing to witness and perceive especially if you have struggled with depression or know folks who have, but it is also funny and ?? fun ??? clayne crawford has been given fun angst bones to chew on in his acting enclosure he is doing Such a good job, it also put him off of non-indie projects completely and is Bad and i cannot in good faith ever recommend it but i did binge watch 1.5 seasons of it TWICE so like maybe it just gives you brain damage idk. Hate it tho. Hate the media

TLDR: it sure is something

#yes but if u see mr crawford please ask him if his back still hurts from carrying this show for 2 seasons..... #stop making me want to rewatch lethal weapon it was a terrible media experience. mr crawford did a good job tho & so did the suburban kids #mr crawford also now makes movies with a bunch of the cast & crew from the show which is nice i guess #finchtalks

[castielcommunism]

Hey :) I have a question; do you have any destiel fic recs? Blogs or user that complited lists? Years ago when I was more active in the fandom I saw a lot of "fic recs" categories on peoples blog and there were big fanfics everyone knew (91W, T&S, Not Part of the Plan, Redemption Road etc) but now I'm not in the game and I don't know any of the new "Big Fics" you know D: Thanks for any help

For starters, I have a fic rec list here that you can look through! There are a million fic rec lists out there but I have very specific tastes, so those are all ones I’ve personally read and enjoyed enough to recommend to other people.

As for the Big Fics, there are a lot of those but the ones I recommend are:

So Says The Sword (Season 4 AU where Dean is held captive in the Green Room for a ~2 years while Heaven gets the apocalypse properly set up, and Cas is his guard for the duration of it. This is a must read)

A Complete Kingdom (post-s8 horror fic. This does not have a happy ending and you should mind the tags, but it’s one of the best spn fics I’ve read period, so if you want to read like, “supernatural but it’s good and also actually scary”, that is a very good starting point)

where the weeds take root (post-canon fic set during s12, dean and cas buy a house together and then realise they’re in love. if you want domestic bliss fic it’s a good one)

Put Up Your Dukes (incredibly horny destiel fic. it’s lighthearted and fun and also, I cannot stress this enough, very horny)

Some of the newer, post-Nov 5th fics that I’ve enjoyed and aren't already linked in that fic rec list above are:

r/supernatural (dean posts about his relationship and family problems on Reddit. It’s really funny)

canticles (dean takes cas out on a “friend date” after failing to get him laid. set during Free To Be You And Me. It’s a fun early seasons pining fic)

the doorway to a thousand churches (Cas dealing with Naomi’s programming and brainwashing during s8. VERY GOOD, PLEASE READ)

my heart a compass (this is THE definitive post-15x18 “dean rescues cas from the empty” fic imo. it’s really good and even if you aren't interested in s15 fix-it fics (which I generally am not) I still really recommend reading this)

My Week (I WILL continue to plug this fic because I love it so much and it’s criminally underrated. Sam, Dean, Cas and Jack all keep a bullet journal and write about their weeks. It’s fun and heartwarming and sweet and formatted beautifully. you should read it)

Pillow Talk (nobody is allowed to even look at drowley or call themselves a crowleygirl unless they read this first. Even if you don’t care about drowley you should read this anyway)

a short history of dean and tentacles (I know what you’re thinking. This sounds insane. And it is. But you need to read this. nsfw obviously and read the tags, but I promise you it’s a genuinely good dean character study fic and not just like, weird porn)

Also, all the fics in my AO3 bookmarks are ones I would recommend to people!

The best place to look for fic rec lists in general is @jewishcharliebradbury!

#fic.txt #asks #fic

[chosonore]

part two | yearning

yearning [noun. a strong feeling of wishing for something, especially something that you cannot have or get easily]

pairing: kamo noritoshi/f!reader

summary: your relationship with noritoshi was like a game of cat and mouse; no matter how hard you tried to escape from him, he would always find his way back to you.

wordcount: 8.2k

content/warnings: friends to enemies to lovers, language, somewhat suggestive, noritoshi is kind of a dick but i promise it gets better so please don’t lose faith in him, we’re somewhat following the timeline of the anime/manga so spoilers ahead!! but what follows afterwards is purely pulled out of my ass lol, lowercase intended [UNEDITED]

a/n: hello, here i am again with a super long chapter ( ˙꒳​˙ ) it is so incredibly messy and i’m so sorry if it gets confusing for you; this just really shows how sporadic my writing process is, i have some guidelines that i follow but sometimes venture off my path when i suddenly get a new idea. nevertheless, i hope you can somewhat enjoy this chapter. feedback or just your thoughts are much appreciated! for those that are waiting for the ~steamy~ content, it is coming next chapter hehe. as always, stay safe everyone (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)

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"noritoshi, could you just stay quiet today? i'm really not in the mood," you sighed as you entered the training grounds. the exhaustion from the mission the day before was clinging onto your bones, heavy and admonishingly. the normally exciting sparring lessons seemed dreadful, knowing that all students were to practice today. to practice the balance within the team, utahime had claimed the week prior as she was reprimanding your lack of discipline when it came to noritoshi. stubbornness ran in the family; you refused to back down when someone was hurting your pride. said stubbornness came back to bite you - instead of taking a break to fully recover, you claimed that you would be fine with the help of your reverse curse techniques.

as the days came and went, the yearly tournament slowly approached. after the devastating defeat last year, everyone was on edge and determined to beat tokyo tech. well, that excluded todo, he was just looking for stronger opponents it seemed. noritoshi, on other hand, appeared to be more agitated than usual - if he wasn't barking orders at the other students, he would criticize their fighting styles. you knew he wanted to win the tournament at all costs, to prove himself worthy of the position as the kamo clan head. but he was too rigid about it, rarely accepting help and haughty when questioned. you've been avoiding him as best as you could and of all days, today had to be one where you could not. opponents would be swapped every ten minutes so everyone could practice with another student - facing noritoshi for ten minutes was easy. so you thought. 

"can't promise anything, princess," noritoshi retorted smugly and pat your head like he usually did when he was trying to get a reaction out of you. life always found a way to prove you wrong. for some reason, noritoshi had made it his goal to get under your skin as much as possible on this particular day and it worked. it was childish to engage in this banter but you couldn’t help it. the feeling of not being taken serious by noritoshi had always bothered you. it almost seemed like he wasn’t considering you equal to him, always looking down on you. being stressed wasn’t good, your mother had always reminded you, so it was best to remain calm and collected.

stay calm and collected, calm and collected, you repeated in your head. gritting your teeth, you slapped his hand away and jogged away from him towards todo. at least he'd leave you alone while you were near todo - probably to avoid todo getting mad at him and not wanting to hear about takada-chan again. he was the ultimate and fool-proof shield. the taller male was walking at a leisurely pace in front of you, leading the group as per usual. you caught up to him, slowing down so it didn't look like you just jogged all the way here. away from the menace that was noritoshi. todo glanced at you suspiciously before subtly turning around. a guilty groan left your lips. of course he knew, he always knew. as the unlikely friendship was blossoming between the two of you, you rapidly realized that todo was far more perceptive than he would ever let on. even though he took lighthearted jabs at you, he didn't care enough to intervene; it was a mutual understanding. in a way, you appreciated that he treated you like everyone else, not once had he tried to approach you about your deteriorating relationship with noritoshi.

upon seeing the unlikely pair, miwa speed up as well to join them. even though todo scared her to no end, your presence eased her nerves a little. after all, you weren’t scared to put him back in his place when he was being dramatic. she nudged you gently in greeting, nervously clasping her sword in front of her. "do you think we'll win this year's competition? we've been training a lot, so i hope i can show off some of my skills."

"never say never? even if we lose, it's a good experience to learn from," you replied wryly. while the students of the kyoto tech were strong and coordinated well with each other, noritoshi and you could easily destroy the balance. he didn't know when to stop, persistently pushing your boundaries and you fell for his tricks every time. as long as you could work out a strategy that involved working alone or with a partner that was not him, you'd be fine. your safest bet was to work with miwa since you were both sword users and have practiced together extensively. if noritoshi and you exhibited enough chaos to tear the world apart, miwa and you represented the perfect balance when fighting.

"you're our secret weapon though!" miwa exclaimed excitedly, elbowing you gently. "no one knows you can heal, so we'll use that to our advantage."

"uh…"

"what? don't tell me you-"

"i've asked yuta about advice before," you interrupted her, scratching your head sheepishly. "he's one of the very few people who can use reverse cursed techniques, so i asked him to give me some pointers and how to use it more to my advantage."

when yuta participated in the competition the year before, you were absolutely mesmerized by his level of skills and how he had supposedly mastered them in such a short amount of time. of course you hadn't told anyone that you were talking to him - everyone was still salty about the defeat and would, undoubtedly, have crucified you on sight. truthfully, you didn't understand why everyone was so hellbent about hating the students of your sister school. weren't you all colleagues in a sense? yuta was nice and respectful towards you, always trying his best to explain you how to implement his tips. along the way, you might have developed a tiny, fleeting crush on him but never acted on it. it was only a crush after all and you didn’t feel certain about it not being a mere distraction from your feelings for noritoshi. perhaps it was the way he made you feel, the way he treated you like noritoshi used to before. you couldn't even deny it, you missed your old 'toshi. when you looked at him now, it hurt you, seeing all the traces of gentleness having left him.

"really? you never told me! what is he like? he looked like he was really nice but there were moments where i was really scared of him. well maybe not him but rather… that curse."

"uh, yuta is actually not that scary. he's really helpful and always there for you when you need advice. i think i've improved a lot since we've started talking." you made a mental note to thank yuta again if you got to see each other anytime soon. apparently, gojo had sent him on a mission overseas a few months back and ever since, your exchanged messages grew to be rather sporadic. still, you appreciated that he made an effort to text you every now and then to let you know how he was doing and in turn, also asked about your wellbeing.

"fraternizing with the enemy, i see," noritoshi's voice rang out beside you, dangerously close to your ear. it made you jump in surprise, not having sensed him earlier - your hand automatically shot out to hit him, only for him to catch it in time. you shot him an annoyed glare. beside you, miwa and todo glanced at each other, silently agreeing to ignore the squarreling pair.

"i don't see how that's any of your business."

"it is if it jeopardizes our chance at winning," noritoshi narrowed eyes at you in suspicion. of course he didn't trust you, you were nothing but a mild inconvenience to him. you didn't owe him an explanation, not today and not in the future. any friendship or friendliness between you was long gone. refusing to look into his eyes, you attempted to tug your hand away from him but instead accomplished the exact opposite as noritosh tightened his grip. "what did you tell him?"

"he only helped me with training, that's all! it doesn't concern you anyways so-"

noritoshi was irritated, you could tell. the anger was rolling off him in waves, intimidating even you. why was he so annoyed by the fact that you asked yuta for advice? it wasn't even farfetched - the only other alternatives were gojo and ieiri, both of which you hadn't mustered up the courage to ask yet. wasn't it in everyone's best interest for you to become a great healer? noritoshi would know best - he was the driving force behind your ambition, the sole reason why you worked to the brink of exhaustion just to show him that you didn’t need his help, that you were worthy of a higher rank.

"i don't want you to hang out with the tokyo tech kids, especially not with him."

"wait, what?" you gaped at him in disbelief. "is this just because you have personal beef with some of them? leave me out of this, i just want to improve and you don't get to tell me what to do." with that you shoved the taller male, stomping past the other students towards utahime who was looking at you in disapproval. you missed the upset frown on noritoshi's face as he followed you, wanting to reach out but stopping midway. it wasn't the right time or place to let you know why he didn't want you around them, not yet. seeing you hang out and being relaxed with everyone else but him hurt him, oh how it hurt him. he wanted you close to him, only see him, talk about him excitedly and with stars in your eyes like you did when you talked about yuta. and yet, he couldn't let you know. the only way to keep you orbiting around him was to play these silly games, rile you up and drawing a reaction out of you. it was the only way to make you pay attention to him. and so he did.

calm and collected, my ass, you thought two hours later. of course todo and noritoshi had completely eviscerated the rest of the students with no mercy, leaving everyone in a sour mood. whatever strategy your team would have for the tournament was probably thrown out the window, the two of them would take care of it anyways. not that they would stand a chance against yuta.

“yuta isn’t here?” the disappointment in your voice was palpable. you did look forward to meeting yuta again, thinking that he might have come home from his overseas trip for the tournament. but you supposed getting to know the other students wasn’t too bad, you were interested in the first years and their skills. they certainly looked more approachable than your classmates. miwa told you how todo and mai had met two of them a few weeks prior and promptly started a senseless fight that was then stopped by the second years. it landed them in the water as utahime gave them a lecture - while she didn't tolerate the childish behaviour, everyone else seemed to turn a blind eye to it. noritoshi had scoffed in disapproval upon hearing the news, uttering something about not wanting to associate with dimwits like them. 

"nope, he's still overseas. it doesn't matter anyways, we'll still beat you without him," maki replied with a confident grin, arms crossed as she took in the kyoto tech group of students. regardless, you broke out in a sprint and jumped, engulfing her in a warm hug. while you two didn't talk as much as yuta and you did, you were still friends. she was a source of inspiration to you, a master of all kinds of weapons whom you deeply admired. maki gave you some awkward pats before pulling away to introduce you to the first years - megumi, yuji and nobara. the younger students were wary of you, most likely because of their encounter with todo and mai. you couldn't hold it against them, their intensity and stubbornness was something you had to deal with daily after all. you silently cursed the two brash students before taking a deep breath and extending your hand to the ones in front of you.

“hi, i’m y/n, nice to meet you,” you introduced yourself with a friendly smile, visibly relieved when they shook your hand and introduced themselves. especially nobara seemed to be eager to get to know you, fussing over your uniform and inquiring about your skills. you were glad they welcomed you, not wanting to cause any more trouble than would undoubtedly arise for the duration of the tournament. while megumi seemed to be cautious and more reserved around you, yuuji and nobara already treated you like their friend. subconsciously, you envied them for the wholesome friendship dynamic as it reminded you of what you used to have with noritoshi. the fleeting thoughts left as soon as they made an appearance in your head, disappearing when nobara grasped your hand and pulled you towards the buildings to show you around. unbothered by the reactions of your fellow kyoto tech classmates, you followed her - their energy was stifling and the tournament didn't start until later in the day anyways. it was useless to stay with your group and practice, you'd only overexert yourself.

“y/n.” noritoshi called after you sternly, glaring at you when you turned to look at him - ever since stepping foot into the estate, he was moody and more serious than usual.  it was probably him being tense about the tournament, the spirit to win deeply ingrained in his bones. none of the other students seemed to be bothered by the presence of the tokyo tech students, so why should he? ignoring him, you continued your journey until you felt a force harshly pulling you back by the fabric of your hoodie. intuitively, you could tell it was noritoshi. 

"noritoshi, let me go," you snapped at him irritated, struggling to free yourself from his grasp.

"we have things to discuss, did you forget that?"

"i don't want to," like a petulant child, you gave him an angry look as you stood your ground. tension filled the space between you, tethering on the edge of anger. why was a normal conversation never possible with him? and why did he treat you like a child? you let up when megumi appeared to your side, shooting noritoshi a warning glance as he attempted to remove his hand from yours. even though he didn't know what your relationship was like, he stepped in regardless - you were impressed by him. even if noritoshi remained calm, he was a menace to deal with afterwards.

"she said no, didn't you hear-"

"get your hands off of her." noritoshi growled at megumi, the sudden influx of cursed energy that was surrounding him made all students in close proximity freeze. you couldn't hide you shock either, he had never been this threatening towards someone else. he might push boundaries to the extreme, knowing that he could away with it due to his bloodline and family name but he had never outright threatened anyone that didn't do his bidding. with those words he pulled you towards him, wrapping his arm around your waist protectively. paralyzed, you blankly stared at him. his cursed energy was suffocating you, never had you experienced this amount of pressure. not only that, the unusual closeness set your heart ablaze, burning down the walls that you'd carefully constructed around it.

"you're being ridiculous," megumi challenged the older male, unbothered by the strong pressure. he didn't understand why noritoshi was making a big deal out of this. surely he didn't consider megumi a threat? noritoshi's hold on you strengthened and with panic you realized the blood-red markings appearing on his face, he was being serious, oh god he was going to rip megumi apart-

"hey hey, stop it you two," panda's voice snapped you out of your trance and seemingly noritoshi's as well as he wacked his arm. "you just got here and you're already stirring up trouble, are you not ashamed?"

noritoshi simply scoffed and let you go, his cursed energy dissipating with the movement. the rest of the students were as stunned as you were, no one daring to make another move until the tension evaporated. todo was the only one who looked rather annoyed, smacking the back of noritoshi’s head as he started to tell him off - noritoshi, however, kept walking past him towards the dorms that they were staying at for the week. it was almost like there was steam coming off his head as a result of holding his anger in. nobara gaped at you in surprise, pointing at you accusingly. “i didn’t know that was your boyfriend!”

you spluttered in horror, quickly reaching out to her to try and cover her mouth so she wouldn’t say anything incriminating. “n- no you got it wrong! we’re not together, not at all! i hate noritoshi,” you floundered, hastily trying to set the record straight. nobara didn’t look like she believed you, pushing your hands away while giggling. she wiggled her eyebrows at you, whispering at you about how lucky you were to snag such a handsome guy although she thought that he really didn’t have to overreact like that because megumi was harmless. covering your face in embarrassment, you turned away from her and caught a glimpse of an amused todo winking at you.

“i’m serious, nobara!" whatever whining you did, the two of them didn’t let up, making you wonder what you ever did wrong to deserve this scrutiny. as your last resort you grabbed nobara's hand, dragging her along towards a secluded area in the estate. being the subject of the earlier conflict was already troubling enough, you didn't want the other students to get the wrong idea by her wild speculations. nobara was still giggling when you arrived, pinching your arm playfully.

“c’mon, it’s impossible that there is not something between you! did you see the look on his face? i don’t think he would have cared had it been any other person,” she gushed excitedly, her face lighting up in glee. with no doubt, nobara enjoyed poking her nose in other people's business, seemingly having a knack for sniffing out the hidden. a dejected sigh left your lip. a younger you would have jumped in happiness after finally receiving noritoshi's attention but the present you knew better. there wasn't more to it, you told yourself and yet, a tiny sliver of doubt made its way into your mind. could he really have been so bothered by another male being so close to you? todo didn't count, obviously.

"no, there's nothing to it, i promise. we don't have the best relationship anymore and mostly fight. i mean yeah his reaction was really uncharacteristic but…"

"anymore?"

"noritoshi and me grew up together and were childhood friends. i- i didn't agree with his antics as we grew up and we drifted apart after that and now… hate each other? he’s just unbearable and we don’t get along. everyone at kyoto tech knows that so they’re mostly ignoring our fights. and it’s childish, i know, i know..." 

“are you sure? like super duper sure? because it didn’t look like it to me,” nobara contemplatively rubbed her chin. the wheels were turning in her head, something didn’t quite add up. even at first glance, whatever you said made her feel doubtful.

“trust me, i wish it was different too. i mean i used to like him a lot and it makes me sad and i wish we could at least be civil around each other. but he just makes me so angry,” your ramblings stopped nobara’s thinking - so that’s what it was. normally, nobara really didn’t care about other people’s business but this was too juicy to pass up. how far could she push it to make you realize?

why was the layout of all these buildings so confusing? and why were there so many buildings to begin with? you’ve been wandering around for at least five minutes now and you still couldn’t figure out where the hell yuji’s and megumi’s rooms were supposed to be. they didn’t even have any signs around. at this point, it didn’t matter if it took longer than anticipated - the others could wait. nobara had insisted on having a small get together the night before, to get to know each other and play some card games. you couldn’t refuse, it’s been a while since you just hung out with friends without any quarreling. there was no harm in getting to know you future colleagues, even though your classmates were treating them like criminals. so instead of going herself and much to your dismay, nobara had sent you to fetch the other two students, claiming that you would be fine if you just stuck to the measly sketch she’d made for you. most of the rooms you’ve already knocked at remained empty so you couldn’t be far from their rooms, you concluded.

stopping in front of the last remaining door of the corridor, you took a deep breath. this had to be one of their rooms. slowly, you raised your hand to knock at the door when it was suddenly yanked open, startling you in the process and making you drop the piece of paper you were holding. what you weren’t expecting was coming face to face with noritoshi who looked at you as equally confused. he was the last person you wanted to see today, not wanting to confront him about his actions earlier. you couldn’t wrap your head around it; why had he overreacted in such a way? it wasn’t like you were in danger or in need of protection. for a brief moment, you thought that there was a sliver of strange possessiveness. you couldn’t quite place the emotions in his eyes, it made you shudder.

“oh uh, sorry. i was looking for yuji and megumi and this is very obviously not one of their rooms. sorry again. i’ll take my leave,” you awkwardly stammered, taking a step back. noritoshi’s figure was towering over you and in a rare moment, you felt intimidated by him. perhaps it was the dark look in his eyes that told you that he was not thrilled by what you just told him. before you could react, he swiftly grabbed your arm and pulled you inside his room, trapping you against the door.

“w- wait!” you protested weakly, pushing at his chest until his face slowly came into your vision. you couldn’t help but stare at his lips, watching them move as he was talking to you. your ears were ringing, you couldn’t tell what he was saying. the close proximity was suffocating and yet you craved more, not wanting to let him go.

“y/n? did you hear me?” 

“huh?” snapping out of your trance, you looked at him dumbfounded. noritoshi was frowning at you, slightly concerned about your state as you didn’t answer him. just then you finally got a proper look at him. it was a rare sight; noritoshi wearing casual clothes, a simple oversized shirt and shorts, and his hair down without the bindings. feeling nostalgic, your heart clenched. he looked like his old self, the ‘toshi that you loved dearly.

“i said, i don’t want you around them. i don’t- i don’t like seeing you with them,” noritoshi repeated with a strained voice. he placed his hands beside your head, inching closer to you.

“what- noritoshi, you don’t get to tell me who i can hang out with! last time i checked, we’re not even friends anymore so where do you get the idea that you can do this? what’s the big deal ab-” you didn’t get to finish your sentence when he pressed his lips against yours clumsily. you seized up in shock, not returning the kiss as a whirlwind of thoughts entered your mind. holy shit, he was really kissing you. but you hated each other, so why? why, why, why. when you didn’t respond, noritoshi pulled away in panic, spluttering apologies as he moved away from you. your emotional world was in chaos, all the buried and forgotten feelings for him breaking the dams and flooding your senses until the yearning became too much. you were reminded of the conversation you had with your mother years ago - you still wanted him, missed him. you wanted him by your side. desperately, you reached out, fisting the fabric of his shirt as you leaned up to kiss him. noritoshi caught you in his arms, wrapping them around you as he fervently returned the kiss. he was holding you like he was afraid you would dissipate into thin air, frantically pulling you in. his hands were roaming, discovering the expanse of your body.

his touches left you feeling delirious, high on pleasure. a mewl left your lips, pleading him for something, for more. your hands moved higher, feeling his chest and broad shoulders before you wrapped your arms around his neck. his name left your lips in breathy sighs as he peppered kisses down your jaw, pulling the collar of your shirt to the side to gain more access to the expanse of your neck. suddenly, you were hoisted up and pressed against the door as noritoshi held you by your thighs. you struggled to wrap your legs around his waist, to distracted by his relentless ministrations. by the time he's left multiple hickeys on your neck, you were whimpering mess. noritoshi's breath was taken away at the sight of you in his arms, lips swollen from the kisses, the glossy eyes, dishevelled hair and the hickeys that were slowly becoming more visible. he couldn't understand how carelessly you were letting him proceed when you supposedly harboured a strong dislike for him. nevertheless, he enjoyed it and wanted to savour the moment, ingrain it into his memory so he'd never forget why he was treating you like a nuisance.

a loud knock resounded from the door, followed by someone shouting: "noritoshi? has y/n been here?"

out of sheer shock, you shoved noritoshi away from you and nearly fell as you attempted to detangle yourself from him. he caught you in time, signalling you to stay quiet as the person outside was still shuffling around nervously. you slumped against him limply, letting your head rest against his chest. his heart was beating erratically. it made yours fill with pride as you could tell that you had the same effect on him as he did on you. still, the precarious situation suddenly dawned on you - you'd just made out with your sworn enemy and, yes you used to have a crush on him, enjoyed it very much. and by the looks of it, he would have continued if you hadn't pushed him away. the entire ordeal greatly confused you; was noritoshi just playing around with you? it couldn't be, he had initiated it after all. the cold treatment he usually gave you didn't match with his actions just now. you couldn't get close to him, not when he gave you mixed signals. you wanted someone who cherished you and was always sincere so you wouldn't have to second guess their actions.

"huh, i guess noritoshi's already sleeping. we'll have to check somewhere else, i hope she didn't get lost," the person outside mumbled as you stayed silent. the sound of shuffling was heard, then steps away from the room. you stayed put until you were sure they were gone and gently removed yourself from noritoshi's grip, not looking him in the eyes. he didn’t move, letting you go willingly.

“i’m sorry, i don’t know what came over me,” you apologized with a pained voice. “please forget that it ever happened and uhm, please don’t tell anyone.”

noritoshi’s eyes widened at your pleas, moving to stop you from leaving so he could explain himself to you. “y/n, wait, i can ex-”

hastily, you stumbled to open the door, dashing away from him until the building was out of your sight. you poorly hid behind a tree, sinking to your knees as you buried your face in your hands. what the hell. you just made out with your childhood friend turned enemy. your buried feelings were all over the place and your mind just couldn’t stay still. it messed with your outlook as well as your image of noritoshi, distorting and twisting it until you had to rethink your relationship. maybe all this time, you subconsciously hoped that he would return back to his old self and somehow give you an explanation. never having received closure on the end of your friendship, you would even forgive him for the sake of your relationship. were you this shallow? no, you simply harboured a lot of feelings for him. you weren’t able to tell what his thought process was - was he even interested in you? did he see you like that?

“there you are,” you lifted your head to see gojo walking towards you with his hands stuffed inside the pockets of his pants. you almost didn’t recognize him as he simply wore a pair of sunglasses and let his hair down. “the others are looking for you. what are you doing out here? trouble in paradise?”

“n-no! i just needed some time away from everyone to- to catch my breath,” you exclaimed indignantly and perhaps too hastily you realized when gojo smirked at you knowingly. why did everyone assume that there was anything between noritoshi and you? was it that obvious?

“uh huh. that’s not what your neck says,” gojo pointed out while wiggling his eyebrows and offered you a hand to stand up. “he really doesn’t like any competition.”

“fuck,” you cursed quietly, covering the hickeys with one hand while taking gojo’s with your other and pulling yourself up. it was embarrassing enough to meet one of the teachers like this but it was even more embarrassing to know that your teacher had seen the aftermath of your makeout session. 

“i’m not gonna tell anyone, if that’s what you’re concerned about. although it would certainly be funny to tease little noritoshi,” gojo was giggling and you knew he was greatly amused by the entire situation. it almost reminded you of nobara. you groaned in frustration as you trailed behind him towards the girls’ dorms. you needed to hide your neck so no one would question it or grill you until you confessed; the potential embarrassment was mortifying.

your group strategy was already falling apart when todo suddenly disappeared in the depths of the forest, not caring about your teamwork in the slightest. normally, it would frustrate you a lot more if you weren’t already preoccupied with your own troubles. todo would be fine anyways, the remaining group members could work on a strategy on their own. as mechamaru and mai were discussing, you shot a glance at noritoshi. he looked as deadpan as usual, probably not listening to the discussion as he worked better on his own and it was more or less decided that mechamaru and him would be moving on their own while the others would team up. otherwise, you couldn’t tell whether he was bothered by what had transpired between you the night before. on the contrary, he looked calm and composed, probably more focused on his goal than anything else. and for some reason it bothered you.

when you’d returned to nobara’s room last night, gojo had helped you make up an excuse. while dramatically gesturing around, he’d told them that he intercepted her journey towards the boys’ dorms to recruit you for training, claiming that he wanted to teach you more about reverse cursed techniques. although he saved you from scrutiny and embarrassment, you couldn’t help but feel like he might use it as leverage in the future. it was gojo after all, he was unpredictable. absentmindedly, you agreed to whatever plan the others had schemed and grabbed your sword, getting ready to move to your assigned position with miwa. while you had heard of the other students’ skills, you weren’t sure where to place their levels as there was always room for surprises. underestimating opponents was a beginner's mistake. the bell rang out, signaling the start of the tournament; with swift movements, the group members dispersed and slowly moved towards the "enemy".

in the distance, you could already hear loud explosions - it was probably mechamaru happily blasting away his opponents. you gritted your teeth in annoyance, the blasts were too loud for you to make out anyone approaching you. and as you predicted, someone was taking advantage of the noise to stalk up on you. barely being able to block the blow with your sword, you found yourself opposite of maki who was grinning at you. the challenging glint in her eyes told you that she wasn't going to go easy on you but you welcomed it. it was a good opportunity for you to grow and hone your sword wielding skills.

however, it proved to be more difficult to defeat maki than you'd originally anticipated. in mere minutes, maki had already disarmed miwa, leaving her defenseless and you were hanging on a bare thread. your grip on the sword was weakening, laboured breath making your ears ring. it was frustrating, knowing that after all those months of rigorous practice, you still couldn't win a fight. giving up wasn't an option, at the very least you had to give it your all.

"c'mon, you can do better than this!" maki teased you as you ducked away from the swipe of her spear. it missed you by a hair's width and left you scrambling to create more distance between you so you could heal yourself. maki's relentless hits didn't give you any rooms for it - you really had to learn how to constantly apply it to yourself without losing time. from the corner of your eyes, you could see that miwa had picked up the phone. she was probably calling for help, you thought and dished out another hit towards maki which she skillfully dodged. instead, she delivered another blow to your legs, making your knees buckle from the force. you used your sword to support you and took another breath before you tried to lunge at her. in the distance, miwa suddenly collapsed, making you stop mid-move and took another hit from maki that took all the air in your lungs.

"eyes on your opponent, y/n. you know better than to get distracted in a fight, you could've been killed in a real fight," maki reprimanded you as you coughed heavily, gasping for air as you slowly got back up. you were unsteady on your feet, not having enough energy to even heal yourself. conflicted by whether you should face maki again or help miwa, your eyes were flitting between them. maki took advantage of your uncertainty, dealing another blow to you that knocked the sword out of your hand. as your last resort, you kicked at her feet, trying to get her to fall, only to have her pin you to the ground.

"you're going to have to practice a lot more to beat me in the future," she sighed, picking up your sword. panic welled up in your chest - the sword was the only way you could possibly somewhat win this fight but even subconsciously you knew that it was over. reaching out for the sword in desperation, your vision was clouded with tears. it was frustrating, so so frustrating. why couldn't you be as talented as her? or have fast reflexes like noritoshi? why were you ordinary, not being able to make any progress no matter how hard you try?

"i know but i can't give up now!" you defiantly retorted, pushing at her with all might. "i have to win, i just have to show my skills for once and prove myself, i- i-"

even maki softened up at your heart wrenching sobs, easing up on her grip. you both knew it was over. you were probably already eliminated from the tournament, with no other possibility to redeem yourself. she knew that you tried your best and never once underestimated her but something irked her. it was your motivation, your driving force.

"y/n, there's no shame in losing. that's how you grow, make mistakes and learn from them. you tried your best, it's not easy to stand against me for so long."

"i know but there's- i'm still not where i need to be! look at how much progress the others are making in comparison to me! i've been practicing day and night and still, no one is noticing me. i'm just a measly healer and i-"

"y/n." maki cut you off sternly. "is this your motivation? proving yourself to others? you'll not be able to improve if you keep fighting for others. you need to start working on yourself, for yourself. you don't owe anyone anything. but you have to realize that trying to satisfy other people's needs will only make you unhappy and hinder your growth."

"i'm unhappy with my skills! i keep telling myself that it's okay, that i have a rare cursed technique but sometimes i just wish i had a flashy technique or be as strong as you. i don't want to be looked at as if i need protection, i don't want it! i just-" you hiccuped, sniffling again as you wiped your tears with the sleeves of your uniform. "i just want someone to acknowledge me, want him to accept me as an equal…"

"who?" maki's cold look made you freeze in your movements. you didn't mean to let that slip. no one needed to know that the entire time, you were vying for noritoshi's attention. but she was right; there was no point in giving it your all if it wasn't for yourself. it was a silly, childish dream of yours to be equal with him again. he was far out of reach and you couldn't catch up to him.

"n- noritoshi," you admitted in defeat. maki saw right through you, there was no point in lying. she raised her eyebrows at you but didn't question it further. after all, you hadn't told her about the background story. unless nobara had done so, you wouldn't doubt it.

"i'm not gonna ask you why. but this is my advice, do not fight for somebody else. if you relentlessly work on yourself for your own benefit, you'll see progress a lot faster. your technique might not be flashy but it is powerful, remember that. you're a valuable asset to every team," she concluded and pulled you up, awkwardly patting your back as you still sniffled. maki opened her mouth to tell you some comforting words but froze when another extremely loud boom resounded near the entrance of the estate. your eyes widened at the sudden influx of cursed energy - there was no doubt that a high-level curse had just entered the school grounds. you turned to maki to tell her the news but she'd already moved, pointing to miwa.

"take her to a safe place, you can't stay here! in your state, you wouldn't last against such a strong curse," maki yelled at you as she disappeared in the woods. you scrambled frantically, not wanting to be left behind. while you were useless for the tournament, you could at least still be of assistance against a curse. miwa was still laying on the ground, unmoving. you shook her gently, scared that she was seriously hurt. it seemed like she was just sleeping instead; you were relieved. throwing her across your shoulder, you winced in pain but persisted nonetheless. you had to get her away from here, who knows what curses were roaming around. your senses were flooded with the stench of blood and debris, the pressure of cursed energy, the loud rumbles. you couldn't tell where the others were but you hoped they were safe.

a loud thud startled you and you stopped, ready to draw your sword until realization hit you that it was utahime that was inspecting you. determined, you thrusted miwa's limp body towards utahime. 

"miwa will be okay, she's just sleeping! i'm okay too, don't worry, please just take care of her and i'll check on the others!"

"y/n, don't be stupid! you're injured and in no state to help others." utahime attempted to convince you; you shook her off stubbornly, insisting that you were fine.

"what if the others get hurt? i have to help them or at least warn them!" your resolve was firm and unwavering that even utahime couldn't convince you otherwise. slipping out of her grasp, you sprinted towards the source of the cursed energy. from far away you could already see the damage that the curse had caused. multiple buildings were torn apart, trees dislodged and- were those branches rapidly growing out of the ground? you watched in horror as the branches whipped around, following running figures on the rooftop of one of the buildings. upping your speed, you jumped towards the group to aid them. as you neared them, you could make out inumaki, noritoshi, and megumi fighting against the curse, maki trailing close behind. 

they barely stood a chance against the curse, every hit that they dealt, the curse would come out unscathed. "what's the deal with that curse?" you asked, panting as you joined them, coming to a halt behind inumaki. megumi was yelling something but you couldn't hear him as noritoshi turned to you and shoved you out of the way.

"y/n, what are you doing here?" 

"helping you guys? what the fuck does it look like?" you yelled back exasperated. why was he mad at you in such a situation? they needed any helping hand they could get to defeat the curse. while you weren't useful in fights, you could at least provide continuous healing. noritoshi didn't have any time to reply as the curse lashed out again, dodging it by jumping to the side. you stayed close to inumaki, swiftly healing him when he collapsed from the rebound of his cursed speech. you clenched your jaw, not wanting the others to see that you were slowly running out of energy and strength. next thing you know, a body was hurled through the air, landing near you with a thud. your heart filled with dread when your eyes fell onto the figure, recognizing noritoshi.

"y/n, heal them as best as you can and get out of here! take them to the teachers!" maki yelled out and this time you obeyed, too panicked about noritoshi's state. you were thankful that inumaki had enough energy to run after you'd healed him - hauling noritoshi's tall frame around was already difficult enough but even more so when you were exhausted. as you neared the gates, utahime was already running towards you with a concerned look on her face. you were glad that she was nearby, it meant that gojo and the other teachers were close and could defend you.

"what happened?" utahime worried but you couldn't reply. falling to your knees, you gently laid noritoshi on the ground. the injuries looked bad, there was blood everywhere. you had to stop the wound on his head from bleeding but your trembling hands were preventing you from doing so.

"i- i don't know, i just- i think the curse hit him and now he's unconscious and he's losing so much blood and-"

utahime pinched you firmly, snapping you out of your panic. she was already holding a cloth to noritoshi's temple to stop the bleeding. patting your hand, she told you in a gentle voice: "heal him if you still have enough strength but don't overexert yourself. ieiri will be here soon." 

nodding frantically, you placed your trembling hands on his abdomen and let your cursed energy flow. the strength was slowly leaving your body but you had to save him. you had to make sure he was okay, he couldn't die, not like this. regret was bubbling up inside you; what if this was the last time you would ever get to see him?just as you felt his energy responding to yours and saw his hand moving slightly, you couldn't hold yourself upright anymore. the last thing you saw was utahime reaching out to catch you as you collapsed.

you woke up with a startle, gasping for air as you sat up abruptly. sunlight was flooding the room and it felt uncomfortably hot on your skin. you pushed the blanket back but stopped halfway in your movement. your entire body hurt, muscles burning and screaming for more rest. and yet you couldn’t stay still as you remembered the previous events. how long were you out for? was everyone okay? gritting your teeth, you slowly moved out of the room. again, you were faced with the endless maze that was the tokyo tech buildings and stopped in your tracks, not sure which direction to go. you let out a sigh of relief when you spotted yuji in the distance, waving at him to get his attention.

“y/n!” yuji ran towards you, frantically gesturing towards your room. “you’re supposed to be resting! what are you doing here?”

“is everyone okay?” you croaked, now realizing how dry your throat was.

“yeah, ieiri did a good job of healing everyone! some of us are still resting though and so should you.”

“no, i… is noritoshi okay?”

“noritoshi? oh, you mean the guy with the long hair?” yuji nodded, curiously eyeing you as your shoulders dropped, the stress rolling of them. “yeah, he’s still recovering though. ieiri said that his injuries were probably the worst so he’s not allowed to leave the bed.”

“can you take me to him?” you asked with a small voice, doing your best to muster up a puppy face. yuji sighed, scratching his head sheepishly. you could see the conflict in his eyes, that he was thinking about rejecting your request. in the end, he shook his head in defeat and motioned for you to follow him. a small grin found its way onto your lips - yuji was just too nice, he couldn’t say no when people ask him for favours. the walk to noritoshi’s room was silent, neither of you knowing what to say. you knew it was selfish of you not to ask him about his wellbeing more or visit the others but you just had to see for yourself that noritoshi was okay. yuji stopped in front of a door, pointing at it.

“this is his room. he might be sleeping though… my room is down the hall so if you need me to accompany you back to your room, just call me.”

you thanked him quietly and watched as he retreated. taking a deep breath, you knocked at the door and waited for a reply. a few moments passed before noritoshi’s voice rang out, giving you the okay to enter. gingerly, you opened the door and entered the room. noritoshi was sitting on his bed, reading a book as if nothing had happened. you looked at him bewildered. he didn’t look like his injuries fazed him at all. despite the bandages around his head and arms, he remained calm as if nothing hurt. 

“noritoshi,” you breathed out, taking a seat on the chair near the bed. he didn’t spare you a look, keeping his eyes on the book. “i uhm. i’m glad you’re okay! when i saw you in that state, i was so so scared that i could lose you… i did my best to heal you, i know i didn’t do much but-”

“i didn’t need your help,” noritoshi snapped at you, placing the book on his lap. “i would’ve been fine without it.”

you were stunned. why was he so agitated? after you initial shock, you huffed in frustration. “what the hell, you could’ve died! i was trying so hard to keep you alive and you react like this? i know you don’t like me but even this is a low blow for you!”

“it wouldn’t have been a problem if you hadn’t inserted yourself into everything! you’re not helping anyone, just dragging us down; everything could’ve gone well if it wasn’t for you standing in the way,” noritoshi countered as frustrated, this time actually looking at you. you stared back at him in disbelief. you saved his life and he had the nerve to shot you down like this.

“does it really hurt your ego to admit that i was actually helpful? we were friends at some point so why do you insist on being such a dick? and here i was, finally thinking that we were getting somewhere- for fuck’s sake, we kissed and-”

“leave.”

you stopped rambling. the tired tone in his voice, the deadpan look on his face; he was serious. you couldn’t believe him. tears welled up in your eyes as you leaped from the chair and hastily exited the room, slamming the door in anger. 

you never wanted to see him again.

p.s: yes nobara gave you a wrong sketch of the buildings what about it hehe

taglist: @milkteeboba​

#jujutsu kaisen #noritoshi kamo #kamo noritoshi #noritoshi #noritoshi x reader #noritoshi kamo x reader #kamo noritoshi x reader #noritoshi kamo x you #noritoshi x you #kamo noritoshi x you #noritoshi kamo imagines #kamo noritoshi imagines #noritoshi imagines #jujutsu kaisen imagines #fic: sanguine #writing #i am so sorry for the garbage that you just read

[river-bottom-nightmare]

Nightwing 79 Review

i said i would and i will. i did like this issue! not as striking and attention grabbing as 78, but i think this issue was meant to be a foundation one, laying out the groundwork for the future. overall, pretty good. also there wasn't enough bitewing. as promised, overly extensive metaphors and me reading too much into things under the cut

i know i've talked about this cover before, but this particular thing is oddly important to me, so i'll talk about it again

this is me, once again screaming about how artists put nightwing in traditionally feminine poses and how every time i see it i just get whiplash. i mean, true, the main reason why is because nightwing is a so often sexualized character, and putting him in these poses just increases the objectification, which is a goal that dc producers have. but there are very few popular male characters that do this. the only one i can think of off the top of my head is deadpool, but that was so obviously a critique and a way to make fun of the media industry. when they draw dick like this, they’re being serious. they’re putting him in appealing poses meant to show him off, and that’s something that’s traditionally only been done to women.

it's a very direct and very loud breaking of traditional gender roles in media, especially for a character as high-profile and historic as dick grayson. colour also plays a factor in this. the entire background is pink. i was absolutely shocked when i first saw it, when the teaser came out, because i cannot think of any comic book covers of male comic heroes this high-profile where pink is even just prevalent in the cover, let alone the majority of the cover. the pink does look beautiful: it offsets and highlights the black and blue of dick's suit gorgeously, but does it with more finesse than orange or red. but the fact that the stylistic choice was made to accent and draw this cover with aesthetic and beauty in mind, completely ignoring traditional hard-set gender rules in art, was a conscious choice and one i wholeheartedly support.

just another example of the sexualization i was talking about. i remember seeing harley quinn in this exact pose in suicide squad.

so far, taylor's been pretty dead-set on bringing alfred to the forefront of importance in this series. he wants people to know how much he loves alfred's character, and how much the butler meant to dick growing up. he was dick's father too. but what i adore is how taylor managed to stress alfred's importance in a way that didn't insult or belittle bruce.

this is one of the best bruce and dick interactions i've seen, and it's done in one simple interaction. in this, bruce is tough and harsh. he knocked dick down hard, but then he reached a hand down and helped pull dick back up. let me analyze their dialogue for a minute

on your feet: this is bruce telling dick to get up. he's trained dick, he knows what the younger boy is capable of, he knows his limits, and he knows what dick can do. this is bruce telling dick i know you're strong enough to get up, so get up and prove me right

are you just going to knock me down again?: surface-level, it looks like dick's complaining. he doesn't like bruce's rough training, and he's tired of bruce knocking him down. but look at his face in this. he's smiling up at bruce, knowledgeable and a little hopeful. he knows that bruce is doing this to help dick better himself, he's completely on board with the rough training, because they both know the rewards are incredible. also, he's teasing. he's bantering with bruce. there's an ease in that joking statement, one that belies affection and intimacy. they've only known each other for a little bit, but they're already slipping into a close familial relationship.

it depends on how fast you learn: this is bruce bantering back. this is bruce not being a stoic, unfeeling asshole. instead, he's shown with the dry humor that a good batman writer knows is a staple of the character. he's teasing dick, telling him he'll basically whoop his ass if dick doesn't learn fast enough. it's incentive for dick to train harder, while also being lighthearted enough to tell dick that believes in dick and doesn't want him to push himself too hard.

gosh i love the titans. also it looks like wally's staring at dick's ass.

this was cute. a prod at dick's silly and playful sense of humor, while not dumbing him down for the sake of a laugh. instead, he's joking about food, which is stuff everyone jokes about. this is the kind of stuff that'll actually make me laugh, instead of just making me vaguely uncomfortable.

bludhaven's almost always portrayed as a cesspool of a city. and to be honest, it really is. but this panel gives the city a meaningful history, while also giving us a reason for why dick moved there.

it talks of a time when people still thought they could beat the monsters. that if they fought hard enough, they could win the fight. it was a tentative hope that you could always overcome hardship.

dick's little "i like that it's still standing" shows how he still believes that, despite what the rest of the world thinks. despite everything that he's been through, dick is still tentatively an optimist, and believes he can fight the monsters of the world and win. it's a beautiful testament to his character, and i'm like that they added his signature element of hope back in. it used to be what he symbolized as robin, and despite his growth and character arc from robin to nightwing, this is one aspect of robin that i'm glad nightwing still has.

remember when i said "things that make me vaguely uncomfortable??" yeahhhh,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Shooketh Dick: A Sequel

(the expressions in this series are just,,,,on point)

this was an incredibly sweet and kindhearted thing for dick to do, but i found it kind of,,,,,,,,desperate? maybe that's just me, but let me explain.

dick's suddenly a billionaire, and he has entirely too much money that he knows what to do with. it's also alfred's money, what the man left to him, so dick forever links it with alfred. in addition to that, he's back and bludhaven and looking at it with "fresh" eyes. (at least, from a different point of view since he got shot in the head. then mind controlled.) he's desperate to do something with the money and he's desperate to help the people around him that so obviously needs up, so he comes up with an on-the-fly solution that's a little impractical and a little crazy, but it still helps and still does some good.

to me, dick seems a little lost. he hasn't completely found his balance yet, and he's trying to do things that will. he tries charity, because that's what bruce did and it's what he knows, even though he admitted that he always thought bruce could have done more as bruce wayne than batman.

they have a family group chat guys yall were right.

also, do i think that dick would ever actually get his wallet stolen?? no way in hell, he’d notice someone getting ready to pickpocket him a mile away. but i suppose it’s important to the Plot. 

okay this is getting interesting. first blockbuster, now maroni (+ the weird heart stealer guy). i can officially say that i am intruiged

this particular artistic quirk is shown a lot in this issue, and from this art team in general, but i feel like this panel is one of the best examples of it. it was stunning enough to take up a full page, and it’s well deserved.

the way they show dick moving is absolutely brilliant. as a reader, i like seeing these smaller versions of dick getting clearer and in more detail as they come closer to the screen. not only do they show depth in the picture beyond what a simple 3 dimensional piece of art does, it also shows the passage of time.

in addition, it showcases dick’s skill. dick spots these mobsters running after a group of petty thieves. he then, and follow me here, leaps off the roof of one building feet first, springboards backwards off the side of the adjacent building with his feet, gracefully continues his backflip, rights himself, shoots a line with perfect timing: just in time to soften his landing but not slow him down, execute said landing on top of a moving bus, keep running on the moving bus without missing a beat, shoot his grapple, use the grapple to swing, use the swing to build up momentum, then use the momentum to deliver a powerful blow to the mobsters. and he did all that fast enough to catch up with the mobsters, even though he was a ROOFTOP OVER. 

d a m n  s o n

this panel, the very first in the issue, is also another example of that art style, but a little more distinctive. i love the way they showed dick’s different costumes through the ages, along with him simply growing up. it’s a little heartbreaking, but a lot uplifting to see how far he’s come. thank god he got rid of the red. now all we need is the fingerstripes, and we’ll be golden

discowing my beloved. also i can’t clearly see discowing’s hair but it definitely looks like it’s pulled back. it looks like he put it in a ponytail. guys. guys. dick had a ponytail omg. 

he’s having a Hero Moment

are you talking about the city, dick, or are you talking about you? the kgbeast, the court, the joker. dick fell to each one of them, no matter how hard he fought. he won in the end, eventually and with his family’s help. but i think he’s feeling a little low, a little defeated right now. it’s almost like he needs a win, he needs to feel victorious, he needs to feel like he helped someone (hence the food and the hotel room), just because he needs to remember what it feels like.

these lines were supposed to resonate with you, and goddamn they did.

i looked at it from two ways. first, it’s the girl asking, begging nightwing not to hurt them. bludhaven doesn’t know dick the way gotham does, they’re still a little frightened of him. this child was brave enough to step in front of all of the other hurt and homeless kids and ask, to a strange man in a mask, if he was going to hurt them like the other men had. it’s heartbreaking, but commendable, and an echo of the city itself that dick’s decided to protect. they’re bloody and broken and terrified, but still gritty and brave enough to stare what they fear in the eye and ask it not to hurt them.

second, it’s dick seeing the question reflected in himself. recently, he got shot in the head and lost all his memories. while i think that the way ric reacted was a perfectly valid and human response to the situation, i think dick still regrets how callously and rudely he treated his family. then, he was manipulated by the court of owls, then he was brainwashed with a magic crystal by the joker. dick does have a guilt complex. it’s not a big as bruce’s, but it’s there. and right now, with this girl begging her not to hurt them, dick is probably thinking about all the times he hurt people, in control of his own actions or not, bc he “didn’t have a heart.” 

little ambitious don’t you think, dick?

also just look at the sunset colours loOK at the they could not make this any more obvious oh my godddddddddddddddddddddddd

in conclusion, i need more of her

#dick grayson #nightwing #nightwing 79 #nightwing 79 spoilers #dc #dick grayson meta #nightwing meta #nightwing 79 meta #dc meta #river thinks too hard

[createandconstruct]

My fav scene in FF9, is right at the end of burmecia when Beatrix party wipes you. Up until that point you felt like a hero (through Zidane generally) who is galavanting through a fantasy world. Yeah there are dark aspects like in the village of Dali, the war, and why the black waltz exist. But they are all things you could overcome with enough grit, can do attitude, and a bit of luck. But in Burmecia things are different, the devestation already happened, the heroes weren't there. And throughout this Freya is struggling between her guilt and pain at leaving to chase after her love, only to come back to the place she once protected covered in death and destruction. Even Zidane can't pull a brave face, its bleak and clearly so.

And then we finally see Beatrix, the woman who stole Fratley from Freya, standing and taking orders from the queen and her assistany as if she was some common knave. And I think that thought is what spurred Freya on, the fact the woman who turned Freya's world grey was just a lapdog to the queen.

During the fight proper, I imagine Freya being filled with too much fury to think logically. Zidane knows Beatrix, everyone does, and he's only fighting to stop his friend from killing herself upon Beatrix's sword. And then, all of that didn't matter.

Thats the most amazing, and horrific part. None of it mattered to Kuja, Brahne, or Beatrix, just another interruption (obviously Kuja was enjoying the show, but it wasn't pivotal to him.) And we as the player feel just as helpless, as powerless, and in some cases just as weak was Freya was feeling. It is such a good and poignant way to get the players to emphasize with the characters and doesn't feel heavy handed/forced.

This is such an absolutely perfect analysis of why Burmecia is such a potent part of FFIX. The only thing I can add to this phenomenal breakdown is my own experience which I think reflects how well the game forces the player to feel the tonal shift that comes from Burmecia. And how it does so using Garnet and Zidane's argument after the Harvest Festival.

I remember playing the game for the first time and during Disc 1, when the Burmecia soldier crawls his way into the royal chambers to inform Cid and Lindblum of the attack on Burmeica, and absolutely not jiving with Zidane's perspective and attitude towards Garnet. Garnet demands to come with him and Freya to Burmecia so that she can confront her mother and hopefully stop the war that has already begun. We've been given small hints that Brahne's plans for Garnet are maybe not entirely good-natured and motherly (calling her 'wretched girl' not great mothering) but there isn't any true evidence of malice, yet. The Black Waltzes that came before also all spared Garnet of any harm and so as a player (at least for me) its possible to think that Garnet could be the one person to stop Brahne.

Also, at this point, Garnet has been an integral member of the party as a healer and she's been struggling with her own shortcomings that you want to see her overcome. Despite her work and effort, her own planning and consideration for Alexandria and her mother weren't as original as she thought. Cid was steps ahead of her, already planning to evacuate her from Alexandria (and it was not for plans of collaboration with her on how to stop war but instead to keep her safe from it). And so Garnet argues to come along so she doesn't get left behind and anyone who doesn't want to lose their healer would agree. As Brahne's daughter she could be the one person who can talk sense into the war-bound woman. The tone of the game at this point makes it seem like a possible card that could be played.

Yet for the first time Zidane says no. And as the player I found the way he spoke to her condensing and his argument lacking. And you're exactly right: with enough grit what can't the party face? They've done it thus far after all. That's what's running through the players ahead. Instead Zidane doesn't exude that confidence. He simply asks Garnet how she felt seeing the soldier die and questions her attitude in the face of war, which she has never experienced. Even freaking Steiner agrees with Zidane, after Garnet has knocked out the party, telling her its not her battle to join, and one he would never wish her to. Without Ultimania's added info to Steiner's character you could interpret it that Steiner once served as a solider for Alexandria in the previous Gaian wars however it makes sense that now (with Ultimania) he was speaking of his experience as a child orphaned by war. We later see that Garnet does take some of this heart as she doesn't venture to Burmecia but instead to Alexandira so she can directly face the source of the problem and avoid the battlefield.

During this whole scene I was on Garnet's side and I think the game intends you to be. At this point Zidane has been swinging and missing with her because of his own developing feelings and insecurities (he pulls a line on her that he used on another girl, uses a date with her as a reward for Vivi, and then seemingly looks down on her) all while Garnet has been faced with the limits of her title and her own power as person. By the start of the war, Garnet and Zidane aren't on the same page and as a player you can feel that, it just depends on who you side with. Though tonally, it feels right to side with Garnet. Her view of war (or specifically her mother) and your ability to overcome it as the player are in tune.

And so you have the original core party splitting in half. It's awesome to watch Garnet declare and fight for her own agency in this conflict, doing all she can to save her mother, kingdom, and others from this brewing war. It's refreshing to see a female character fight back when male characters stress her naivety and ignorance, and there's expectation that the characters will all reach Burmecia together and Garnet will prove Zidane and the others wrong.

But... then you reach Gizmaluke's Grotto. Bodies litter the entrance and your path. You make your way through and hit Disc 2 and after we learn that Garnet and Steiner have aimed their path towards Alexandria (unbeknownst to Zidane and co.) the fun lighthearted fantasy world ends. The battles you could take single-handedly are over. You find North Gate which Freya declares smells of blood and smoke and you walk your way to the gates of Burmecia....

...and you understand Zidane's words. When that soldier crawled his way to Lindblum, only to die at everyone's feet, war had already begun. While the party waits for the gate of Burmecia to open innocent people have already been killed and are being killed. When you visit North Gate before the Ice Cavern Alexandria has raised its war banner, and now they have attacked. There is no matter of convincing Brahne of anything, at this point, she must be stopped. Yet when you arrive at Burmecia you're already far too late. A kingdom and its people have been decimated. The corpses of citizens are strewn about in the city streets. Zidane only prays Garnet hadn't come this way.

At some point when reflecting on the game I realized the weight behind Zidane's original words I had found condescending towards Garnet. He questions her feeling of sadness towards war because he knows his own. He's afraid. At the prospect of war even Zidane is scared and by walking through the ruins of Freya's home, you know why. Watching Beatrix, Brahne, and Kuja think nothing of the loss and destruction they've caused you know why. The game shows you the true colors of war and while Garnet knows the significance she does not know (or rather cannot yet remember) the experience of it which is why she can still face her mother, the perpetrator, with hope of change and pacifism. Such a realization hit me hard. Add it to the list of why FFIX is incredible.

#asks #cowgirldick #thank you for that name by the way it made me chortle #ffix #final fantasy ix #garnet til alexandros #zidane tribal #freya #final fantasy 9 #long post #another day another ffix essay

[meowtalhead]

REASONS YOU SHOULD WATCH MY BABYSITTER'S A VAMPIRE THIS HALLOWEEN:

THE PLOT

imagine your standard teen vampire show. Now imagine that instead, it's about a group of nerdy kids who handle paranormal threats with the exact amount of grim maturity and forethought you would expect of real actual high schoolers in the face of a magical doom. (none whatsoever)

It's lighthearted, family friendly, and super enjoyable to watch!

I cannot stress this enough. The kids' idea of an exorcism is to duct tape an incredibly dangerous magical artifact to a leaf blower, throw it in reverse, and hope it sucks the demon out.

It's obvious everyone was having fun on set and the cast still misses it. They've long since grown up but still talk about there being a reboot or a sequel one day

It's a monster of the week type of show and not that deep but you'll fall in love with it instantly

Think a g-rated What We Do in the Shadows meets Scooby Doo meets a disney channel original movie from the 2000s/early 2010s

THE CHARACTERS

The main characters are Ethan, Benny, Sarah, Erica, and Rory. They tease each other and try to act cool sometimes but they're all nerds and they're all best friends

Ethan is supposed to be the brains but he never has the braincell. Instead, he just has anxiety. He's the voice of reason and the nicest member of the group

Benny is a wizard. He's also chaotic neutral and prone to causing problems. He thinks he's cool but his greatest fantasy is apparently sitting in a shopping cart eating a sandwich that consists of two pizzas with a bunch of gumballs in the middle. Actually that is cool never mind

Sarah is just awesome. She's a vegetarian half-vampire who always rushes in at the last second to deliver the villain a butt-kicking for trying to mess with her friends.

Erica was the show's equivalent of a twilight fan so she fully embraced becoming a vampire. She may act mean but she has a secret soft spot for her friends. She likes emo bands and wearing cool leather jackets, and hates having anything in common with rory

Rory is like the vampire equivalent of a golden retriever. He's the pinnacle of dumbass and just wants to be included. He was my favorite character as a kid

There's also a lot of fun recurring characters, like Benny's awesome wizard grandma, Ethan's younger sister, and Jesse, who's basically a parody of Edward from twilight

IN CONCLUSION

These... large children you sit on... may have stolen my pancreas. But this show will steal your heart

Trust me, go on Netflix and watch the whole thing right now! 🎃🍂🍁🦇

#my babysitters a vampire #mbav #mbav ethan #mbav benny #mbav sarah #mbav erica #mbav rory #halloween

[otomates-a]

i want to write some cute stuff & i have a lot of really soft sweet tofu ship headcanons i haven’t posted here that i’ve talked about with people (& some new ones) so here we go.

sweet tofu believes in soulmates. he believes that there’s one person out there who is HIS person and it will only ever be that one person. once he falls in love with someone, that’s it. whether they stay with him forever, leave, pass away, etc, that IS the only person he will ever fall in love with. i cannot stress enough that with tofu, there’s no moving on. his first love is his only love and once that has happened, they will always be the one he cherishes, no matter how much time passes. basically he’s off the market regardless of what happens once he finds his soulmate, even if millions of years pass and they’re gone.

this, of course, means that whatever ship partner is with tofu, that is his first love. no matter if it’s only been a few years since food souls came into existence or MILLIONS of years after they’ve been around. that ship partner is his first romantic interest. they will be his only, for as long as food souls continue to exist.

basically tofu has never had his first kiss, confession, he’s a virgin, never gone on a date, etc etc. although he gives off the impression he’s very experienced with emotions bc of how mature and chill he is, it’s actually quite the opposite. but he isn’t embarrassed by it, he’s happy to experience new things.

also important : EVERY SHIP with sweet tofu is a love at first sight scenario. he falls in love fast and he falls in love HARD. any person he has feelings for, he fell in love with them within 24 hours of knowing him. it does not matter who the partner is. this is simply true for his ships / who he is.

it’s worth noting that with OTHER FOOD SOULS, this is also true. with food souls, regardless of how long they’ve known each other / how many years have passed, he would have been in love with them the moment they both began existing & the moment the two of them crossed paths. how soon or late they figure that out would be dependent on the ship, but the fact of the matter would be that he has always been in love with them.

he’s very affectionate and straightforward. once he has feelings for someone, he will hold their hand, hug them, seek out physical contact, likely even KISS them without even acknowledging the feelings first. even if they’ve known each other for like 2 hecking days if tofu feels that connection with them, he’ll probably kiss them goodbye without warning. he really is like that.

he is impossible to fluster. he doesn’t blush or get shy. ever. he’s completely shameless and 100% honest with his emotions. he always says what’s on his mind. when i say it’s impossible to embarrass him i’m not being funny. it is. actually. IMPOSSIBLE.

despite what his appearance and vaguely frightening disposition may give the impression of, he’s very gentle and sincere. he works extremely well with muses who are anxious or depressed or what-have-you, just as well as he does with muses who are healthy, because he’s incredibly patient and understanding. he's a good listener. he doesn’t push his partners, he simply is happy to exist in their space and do what he can to help him. his healing can provide relief from mental pain (though not cure it, obviously) just as it can physical pain, so he makes soothing company to his partners.

he never loses his temper with anyone, let alone his s/o. he’s always soft spoken and delicate. it’s hard to say he even gets stern sometimes, because he’s not. his level of empathy is through the roof to the point people would think he’s a doormat (he’s not), but he always treats his s/o with kindness and care. he’d rather whisper talking to someone, be it lighthearted or heavy, than get heated about something. he doesn’t lose his head or his cool, ever. even if he’s extremely honest / blunt with his feelings, he’s also very tactful.

when he’s in love with someone, the strength of his emotions towards them causes him to passively heal them any time they’re in physical contact. they’ll constantly have a warm / soothing feeling whenever they’re touching him because his magic is drawn to them. he has to keep his energy up by taking care of himself more often because it saps it a little bit, but he doesn’t mind.

because sweet tofu is one of (if not The) strongest healers among the food souls, he’s capable of keeping a mortal alive for as long as they’d like to be. meaning if he were to be in a relationship with a human, he could keep them frozen at their age forever and more-or-less make them immortal through his healing powers, much like he does flowers given to him. he would do this for them as long as they would like to be alive / be with him, but if a time came when they were ready to die, he would not hold them there against their will. he would never ask someone to stay alive solely to be with him and if a time comes they wish to pass out, he will let them go and hold them in his heart moving forward.

this of course is not needed with other food souls, who are immortal by default, or any muse who is already immortal for other reasons, but you know.

he doesn’t call his partner his boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/etc. he calls them his heart, because (personal headcanon*) food souls don’t have actual hearts. despite this, he’s always wanted one, so once he’s fallen in love, he tends to tell his s/o that they’re his heart.

a somewhat n.s.f.w. one * : he’s got big big big big top energy. tofu is very dominant. extremely dominant. letting someone top him is a RARE occurrence so like shipping with other dominant personalities is WILD ... :’) looks like a twink, but will actually step on you. have fun getting through his extremely complicated outfits with 50 zippers 30 chains and 20 buttons tho !!

anyways KJNMHKJNHM tofu is actually very classy and gentle and just ... he’s really soft. really really really soft. tender. loving. i cannot stress enough that it is like. outright DIFFICULT to make a ship with him unhealthy because of his personality, like a muse would actively have to WORK to make things toxic with him and even then it’d be one-sidedly toxic because tofu is just ............ very soft. idk what to tell you. he’s just happy to exist in a world where love is real and his partner is real.

bonus side note : give him flowers or plants or anything like that as a gift and he will keep it alive forever, always on display in his room. he’ll never let those gifts die.

#anyways ship with sweet tofu KJNHMKJHNMKJNH #「 headcanon. 」 #「 sweet tofu ❛ ◟ you take me by the heart when you take my hand. 」 #tofu is......... my favorite muse #and also my absolute favorite muse to ship with #i cannot put into words how much i love this foodie bitch #KJNHKJHMKJHNM #long post --

[penguin-writes-books]

DIRECTOR’S CUT THAT DAMNED UNIVERSE. -L

Spoilers!That Damned Universe was heavily inspired by a couple of books I once read, and I think it has a lot of meaning that goes under the radar of a lot of people, instead being registered subconsciously (the whole point of my writing, frankly). Here’s a ridiculously in-depth rundown of each chapter, from the writer’s point of view.Chapter 1The first chapter was meant to introduce the storyline, and show some exposition. Lincoln Academy was named after my elementary school, and is structured in a ridiculously unconventional manner, given the strong academic drive of the academy. We find out quickly that Cyrus, TJ, Andi, and Buffy all room in Stanford Dormitory along with the rest of the freshman class, and Amber is in Halsey. Halsey was named after my favorite building of the college in my hometown, while Stanford was after the university, where Cyrus would end up going to major in psychology if TDU extended that far.I put Cyrus on the fourth floor and Andi and Buffy on the second for the sole purpose of creating conversational periods between characters as they go between one another’s rooms or to and from classes. This set up the framework for TJ and Cyrus’ first kiss later on.I intentionally wrote Cyrus to react to his arrival at Lincoln with minimal homesickness for two reasons. The first, of course, is that Cyrus grew up with four incredibly overbearing but well-meaning parents, and he is eager to take a deep breath. The second is that Cyrus, as all characters and people must be, is a psychologically complex character, and his immediate lack of emotional displacement comes from that fact. He’s so overwhelmed upon arriving at Lincoln that he doesn’t have the time to catch his breath, let alone miss his parents.Finally, the last line. TJ almost immediately tells Cyrus he finds him fascinating upon meeting him, which feels almost rushed, but was planned to feel as such. TJ’s first impression of Cyrus is so sudden and rushed because he immediately likes Cyrus, and isn’t quite sure how to express his emotions, so he naturally does his best to make Cyrus happy.Chapter 2The first line of the second chapter (Cyrus woke to his alarm, going off at exactly 5:55 am, as it always had - Cyrus was sure it always would.) is a representation of how Cyrus follows a schedule in his life that doesn’t change, and he assumes it never will. However, in chapter 6, he doesn’t wake to his alarm, because he’d fallen asleep with TJ the night before. This was coded to imply that TJ teaches Cyrus to let himself be human and have a little more fun.Cyrus wakes to TJ gone, because I wanted to show TJ’s elusive nature early on in the story, then introduce his character a little bit later. His leaving confuses and intrigues Cyrus, effectively prompting him to get to know TJ better.He spends an exorbitant amount of type getting ready on the first day of school, which was to further cement the notion that he’s a touch over-specific in all areas of his life, especially when he’s in a new, unfamiliar, or stressful environment (Lincoln Academy just so happens to be all three).Their odd choice of cereal (both Rice Krispies and Cap'n Crunch) is a little reference to Gilmore Girls, in which Paris and Rory both make interesting and unique cereal and milk mixtures on a couple of occasions.Cyrus’s offhanded comment that TJ hates the universe is not only the root of the title, but a slight character development from TJ, giving him a human characteristic. This at the very least proves that Cyrus and TJ had a conversation of substance the night before, and had learned more than trivial things about one another.Andi and Buffy lightheartedly making fun of him for his taste in unobtainable athletes was meant to allude to his crush on Jonah back home, and to show that he’d grown more comfortable with his sexuality since coming out to them.Lincoln’s class periods are 40 minutes, with a 20-minute break between. This seems absurd at first, but later we’ll find that classes constantly run lat, justifying the minor absurdity.Cyrus and TJ’s conversation between 5th and 6th period is meant to show their friendship and the way Cyrus affects TJ in a positive way. They joke back and forth naturally, complimenting one another and letting the conversation carry without trying too hard.Chapter 3This chapter follows my own change and interpretation of actual things from Andi Mack, turning some of my favorite pieces of the show in relation to Tyrus into my own plotlines. The first is, of course, TJ’s acrimony towards Buffy. In the show, this is expressed as jealousy of her basketball skills, whereas I chose to change it into jealousy of her close relationship with Cyrus. TJ immediately leaving when Cyrus and Buffy walk into the dorm room is meant to further stabilize the notion that TJ thinks she and Cyrus are together, though at this point it hasn’t been confirmed.Buffy and Cyrus getting into a fight over his feelings for TJ shows that Cyrus isn’t ready to admit how he feels. This also allows for TJ and Cyrus to become closer when Cyrus can’t turn to Andi and Buffy for constant friendship.Cyrus’s conversation with TJ in the library is interesting, as the second TJ finds out that Cyrus and Buffy aren’t dating, the conversation lightens. They’re then able to have a conversation that moves along without the weight of their mutual awkwardness resting on it. Their academic banter throughout the conversation was meant to show that TJ and Cyrus were both highly academically minded, despite showing that trait in very different ways.Cyrus being unable to stop himself from asking if TJ is okay shows two things about him and his relationship with TJ. The first is that Cyrus is the type of person who cannot refrain from helping others. He shows unconditional empathy for others, and those he loves are never free from his well-meaning comfort. The second thing this shows is that he has grown so comfortable with TJ in under 24 hours that he’s willing to risk stepping possibly outside of his boundaries as an acquaintance/friend to ensure that TJ is going to be alright.

Chapter 4

All of Cyrus’s teachers (Mr. Marlow, Madame Aguillard, Mr. Stile, Mrs. Elliot, Ms. Anderson, Mr. Smith, Mrs. Barnett, Mrs. Bailey) are slight variations of teachers I’ve had this year or last, most of which teach the same subjects I had them for.This chapter has one last interpretation of a classic detail from Andi Mack - the muffin. Their exchange of sandwich for chocolate-chocolate chip muffin proves that they’re friends, and care about one another enough to insist they have their favorite foods.I chose for them to play a game of 20 questions as a way to reveal exposition without stating their backgrounds, interests, and hobbies point-blank. This also allowed me to build their relationship through verbal learning.Marty being the friend who accidentally outed TJ let me introduce him to the story, and having him, Amber, Buffy and Andi rush into TJ and Cyrus’s room let me introduce them to one another. Amber and Andi’s quickness to flirt with one another showed that TJ and Amber inadvertently learned about love in the same way - they both grew up learning from their parents that those you love can leave quickly. Thus, they both picked up a habit of quickly establishing a close relationship with those they’re attracted to before they leave.Chapter 5 Cyrus wakes with a terrible headache the next day (and jokes with TJ about being hungover) because of the yelling and conflict the night before. I put this aspect in for two main reasons. One is, of course, showing that Cyrus can’t stand conflict, and is consistently trying to resolve it. The second reason I put this bit into the story is so that I could allow TJ to minorly comfort Cyrus in a platonic (but romantically intentioned) manner.Cyrus quickly saving TJ from having to out himself to Buffy and Andi was a move that I wrote in to show Cyrus’s growing ability to cut into conversations and protect those he loves, as taught to him by TJ.The small scene of TJ and Cyrus studying together exhibits the lighthearted, carefree side of their relationship that I thought was very important to introduce at some point in the story.The romantic tension between Cyrus and TJ as the former helps TJ with his compass foreshadows their awkward encounter following their first kiss later on. When it ultimately built to them falling asleep holding pinkies, that was meant to show that they were each aware of their feelings for the other, but reluctant to show them.Chapter 6When Cyrus and TJ wake up the next morning, they’re curled around one another, and it causes intense romantic tension between the pair as they go about starting the day. This ends when they go back and forth in a short exchange of ‘I wasn’t’ and 'well neither was I’. TJ tries to kiss Cyrus, but they’re interrupted by a phone call. This signifies the awkward, fumbling nature of the relationship, especially as they go to help Andi. Their acknowledgment of the awkwardness between them is a huge step in their relationship, which ultimately leads to their first kiss.Their argument in the stairwell being the lead up to their kiss was a choice I made because in the heat of an argument, emotions are heightened. This was important for the scene to work, as if they hadn’t been arguing, neither would have the courage to kiss the other.Final ChapterI had Cyrus start the seventh chapter regretting his kiss with TJ to drive the plot. This forced TJ and him to have an actual conversation about what exactly their relationship was at the end of the chapter.Honestly, there were only two reasons I made Buffy aroace. First, I’m ace and I wanted representation, so I took the opportunity when it arose. Second, I wanted to tease you guys with Muffy (anyone paying really close attention to AO3 will have noticed that I tagged TDU as a Marty/Buffy fic, then took away the tag for the last chapter).Cyrus wagering his asking TJ out for Andi doing the same with Amber was a way for me to close the Ambi storyline in a satisfactory way without dedicating an entire chapter exclusively to it.The mini-monologue of Cyrus deciding whether or not to kiss TJ was one I’d been writing in my head since beginning to write TDU, and completed the fic in a way that was so characteristic of my writing that I couldn’t help but throw it in just to make the story feel completely finished.

#andi mack #tyrus #tj kippen #cyrus goodman #that damned universe #ambi

[dear-wormwoods]

Can you share some of your Eddie hcs with us? they can be completely random, i'm just in big eddie kaspbrak loving hours right now.

Ahh, I don’t usually do hc posts! But I will try, because my mind is all over the place and I can’t focus on answering more meta-ish questions right now. I have a lot of darker Eddie headcanons, but I’m gonna challenge myself to keep these ones lighthearted, because y’all know I get too heavy on this blog…

Here are some Modern AU, College Eddie HCs:

- Eddie watches a shit ton of documentaries on Netflix, you know, the ones about GMOs and the meat industry, Big Pharma and addiction, conspiracy theories, weird and gross medical stuff… basically anything that will make him stay awake at night stressing out about it.

- He Googles EVERYTHING. If someone tells him something and he’s not sure about what to believe, he fact checks on Google. Growing up being super gullible and easily tricked kind of made him paranoid about coming across as dumb or not having a lot of common knowledge. 

- On that note, he also Googles a lot of jokes and memes that the other Losers send him. If something looks like it might be a joke or a reference to something, but he doesn’t get it, he looks it up so that he can pretend he knew the meme already. 

- ALSO related to that, he’s always nervous about not being smart enough or interesting enough in normal conversation, so if someone he knows develops a new interest, he’ll “research” it so that he has something to say if it ever comes up. Because, y’know, he takes an interest in what his friends like.

- To be honest, Google is modern Eddie’s best friend and he almost never puts his phone away. Basically he’s Peridot. 

- He really likes shoes. We all know Eddie is a shoe guy. He’s also brand loyal and owns a LOT of Vans, in different styles and colors. He probably doesn’t own any black or brown shoes, tbh. But definitely owns a pair of white Keds, too. 

- He likes to be active, and goes jogging regularly. He’s always been good at running, after all! Also, it gives him a good excuse to still wear a fanny pack sometimes.

- He feels very vindicated that fanny packs are back in style, because people laughed at him for having one as a kid. But now a lot of big, openly gay YouTubers wear them and the Fab Five, so basically he’s Thriving right now.

- In high school he spends a year or two as a cheerleader, because his mom HATES it - it’s dangerous and it makes people think he’s gay. So it was cathartic to join against her wishes. But he ends up being very good at it and gains some popularity from it, too. Good excuse to wear short shorts, also.

- Eddie is, and will forever be, a terrible liar. He usually doesn’t bother trying, because he’s well aware that he’s too easily read. Often, he goes the opposite extreme and is TOO honest, but his heart’s in the right place. 

- He is INCREDIBLY nosy. With all of his friends, he really cannot mind his own business. He cares a lot, and wants to help, but it can reach the point where it’s just annoying. He just wants to KNOW! Everything!! Ever!!! About everyone!

- Again, his heart is in the right place… but he’s a meddler. He wants to fix everyone’s problems but he probably shouldn’t get involved. Sometimes he makes things worse to begin with, but inevitably his earnest and persistent meddling does help mediate a lot of issues within the group. 

- No one can ever say no to him. Like, sure, Richie is the MOST whipped member of the Losers club, but the others also have a really hard time denying Eddie if he wants something. Even Bev. But for some reason, Stan is especially susceptible to it, as hard as he tries not to be. It’s the doe eyes.

- Luckily, Eddie is dense as fuck so he has no idea the power his cuteness holds over other people. Not that he’d abuse it if he did know, but it’s all the more effective because he’s blissfully unaware. 

- And last one, at least for now: Eddie is super idealistic and naive, and thinks that people are inherently good and can always learn to be better, which infuriates everyone who knows better than that, but no one has the heart to break it to him that some people are JUST assholes.

(cutting myself off before I go on forever, lmao)

#asks #eddie kaspbrak #stephen king's IT #anonymous #eddie spaghet tea #it hcs #college au

[prettywordsyouleft]

Boyfriend! Jihoon

Thanks so much for your request! Just want to mention that I will be doing Guanlin’s one you requested sometime soon!

Because I did a really in-depth approach to Jihoon through Different Kisses, a lot of this will be similar in thoughts. To read his Different Kisses, click HERE.

Confessing:

Jihoon had met you through a mutual friend, and despite being a shy bean, when he wants to do something, he throws himself in 100% … so after observing you as a friend for a couple of months, he knew he needed to ask you out so he could stop thinking about you as the person he wanted to hold his hand. And now, he’d be the one to hold yours.

You know, if you actually accepted and all.

So despite internally having a complete spasm, his exterior remained calm as he walked you home. His eyes fell to your hand a few times, would he finally be able to hold it? He was slightly distracted by this thought when you stopped suddenly, his hand banging into yours. Without much thought to it, he grabbed it, your eyes widening when you had only stopped to tie your shoelace that you noticed had come undone.

“I was wondering if we could go on a date, Y/N?” His eyes were expectant and you were shell shocked, had Jihoon actually uttered those words to you, or were you still dreaming? His hand squeezed yours lightly so you knew you had to be alert then.

Nodding softly as a blush rose deeply into your cheeks, Jihoon grinned happily at you and leaned in closer. “Good, I’ll make sure you never think to let anyone else hold this hand, okay?”

You forgot all about that darn shoelace then, of course until you tripped a few meters down the street, Jihoon tsking you for being clumsy and reaching down to tie it for you. It was his fault either way; his confession had really shaken up your world, and stopped you from tying the laces back up in the first place!

Starting out:

Jihoon was confusing to be around in the beginning when things moved from being just friends. Whilst you had a lot of fun dates with him, and both of you were incredibly shy and soft with each other, he’d have moments where he’d boldly say or do something you hadn’t expected from him, and then in the very next step retreat from you in things you did expect from him. You knew it was because he was awkward with reading the right cues (and to this day can still fall trap to this), but it left your head in a bit of a haze. Sometimes you’d react in ways you thought he’d appreciate, but his reaction was missing. There were a lot of cute awkward moments with you both that balanced this out though.

The great thing was that despite all this, you still both really liked each other. Jihoon couldn’t imagine dating any one else, and was trying his best to show you what a great man he was, and was a little oblivious to the mixed signals he was giving you, since he was over-thinking them a lot himself. Time thankfully settled this behaviour down, both of you finding your rhythm with each other when you grew closer after the first couple of months. Your first kiss really helped ease some of this down too. (You can check out more about the first kiss in the link above).

Dating pros:

He’s like a best friend-boyfriend. You can play and have fun together like you would with a friend, gaming together, or doing silly pranks, but also when the mood strikes, you get to kiss, cuddle and really feel cherished by him. It’s the best of both worlds, and you’re both very aware of how lucky you are to have the ability to slip into either mood with ease.

Speaking of playful, a lot of your relationship’s strength is in how playful and light you are towards each other. You love teasing him because he is immensely easy to rile up. And he’s the same back, his language is blunt and sometimes shocking just to see your face drop and his laughter booms around the room. Your teasing banter is very equal, both able to give and receive it well most of the time (sometimes you can take it a little too far, like when you judged him on his fashion and he had thought he looked amazing that day). The great thing is, even if it goes too far, you both are normally so soft with each other that it’s easy to make the other feel special again.

Another side to your relationship is soft and sweet. You still have moments where Jihoon overwhelms you, or you him and you’re both a blushing mess. Lots of giggles and endearing moments that make your heart swell with love for each other.

Jihoon is very caring towards you and likes to look after you. Although he’s not very good with his affections, he is observant, able to see when you need something and he’s off to get it for you without questions asked. He’s quite the gentleman, and attempts to have a lot of romantic notions with you, and showers you in gifts too. This can sometimes be a bit of a con too, so we’ll explore that shortly.

Loves sharing meals with you, and especially when you feed him. Just as much as he loves taking care of you, he appreciates when you do the same back, even if it makes him shy and grin a lot. And whilst he’s not so good with showing how he feels, you are and it can literally make him want to double over in absolute happiness to have someone this amazing looking at him so lovingly.

And he’s a watcher of you too. Often you’d catch him just staring at you with this distant look in his eyes, of course watching you, but also thinking deeply when it came to you. It would make your heart beat faster every time you caught him and when he’d snap out of his reverie and find you staring back, he’d smile so warmly at you, it’s amazing you’re still alive with such beautiful attacks moments coming just from his gaze.

Couple clothes, and matching cute nicknames. Though he gets really shy if you are in company wearing/doing either of these, deep down he lives for how cute you are with each other.

Spending time together is his favourite and you won’t really hear him whine about anything you get up to, more so when it’s time to part. Which makes you swoon further because really, you don’t want to leave his company either.

Tries to be manly towards you, and gets flustered easily when his plans flop, which you find endearingly sweet. This reaction only makes him feel worse, but you always try your best to make him feel as manly as he wants to appear to you, which eases some of these unneeded expectations he places on himself.

And finally, as if we cannot address the jeojang charming king that he is, Jihoon is very good at making you feel all of his gestures right to the heart. You get to see those winks up close, enjoy his charming mannerisms and words, and are highly affected by him. Jihoon is all too aware of this and uses it to his advantage a lot. When you’re being playful and bantering with him, he can shut you down easily, distracting your teasing with his well played moves instead. Heh.

Dating cons:

Jihoon is highly critical of himself. He’s a determined and smart type of person to get to where he is in life, but it hasn’t come easily to him, like others think. There have been a lot of internal battles along the way, and they still happen now. He gets pretty insecure in these moments and can worry you’ll leave him when he shows just how weak he really is. This translates a little like a lack of trust in you to support him, and although you’re mostly understanding and supportive when he’s over-thinking like this, the odd fight occurs because you feel insignificant since he’s not leaning on you during his hard times.

He’s also easily jealous and holds onto those moments too. Whenever he’s feeling petty or defensive in conversation, he’s liable to bring up something that happened months ago, that in your mind has no relevance to now or to you. He’s always struggling whenever he knows you’re hanging out with your friends, knowing you have male friends too. Not because he doesn’t believe in your feelings for him, but to him you’re so enticing, he’s scared of others moving in and sweeping you away when he’s busy.

Tries to buy your love to make up for this, or when he doesn’t know how to express his affections enough. He’s always been like this and you’d have hoped you could’ve trained him out of it, but the habit still sticks. Whilst gifts are nice, you don’t need them, and you will tell him this, which in turn hurts his feelings because he’s only trying to shower you in his love. What you’d love is for him to actually shower you in his time, his inner thoughts and embraces more often. It’s a work in progress, for sure.

And let’s end this on a bit of cute irk you have… Jihoon’s good at eating your food and then using his aegyo on you to get away with it. As frustrating as it is, how can you resist him when he’s looking at you like that, huh?!

Intimacy: (since I only do fluff for the maknae line, this will stay lighthearted)

BACK HUGS. If there’s one thing Jihoon does the most physically with you, it’s hugging you from behind. He loves how small you are and how he can wrap himself entirely around you, burying into your shoulder deeply. These moments are stress relieving for him, and so he loves doing them often, especially when he hears you sigh in content at his embrace. If he could have it his own way, he’d back hug you doing everything! It’s the only time he’s really clingy towards you.

Loves when you initiate affection with him. Not only does it make him feel at ease since he can gauge your mood through your advances, he feels so special and cherished whenever you do.

Lots of forehead and cheek kisses. He especially loves squishing your face a little playfully in his hands and then peppering your cheeks in little kisses whilst you whine.

Kisses are used as tactic tools by both of you in ways to diffuse moods, or create one.

Announces when he’ll kiss you sometimes, which makes you squeal on the inside in happiness because it’s so freaking adorable.

For more of a look at his intimate side, check out his Different Kisses.

Dating Jihoon is mostly like being on a sugar high, it’s addicting, sweet, and very exciting. Sometimes though, you’d love for him to let you in more, so your relationship can grow further. But knowing he loves you, and that you accept him even with his flaws makes Jihoon feel like the luckiest guy that you stopped that day for your shoelaces.

______________________

I accept requests on other idols for the Boyfriend! series whenever my requests are open! To check to see if I’ve written your bias already, go HERE. Otherwise you’re most welcome to send me a MESSAGE to request someone new.

Other WANNAONE members in this series: Daniel | Guanlin

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[bungouimagines]

what would the BSD characters children be like? [not a shipping thing mind you, just child headcanons in general]

I’ll keep this simple and just start out with the Agency’s members if that’s alright! If you guys like these, I’ll continue onto the Guild, Port Mafia, and/or the Rats In the House of the Dead. ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

Atsushi

Girl or Boy: Both! Atsushi would most likely have more than one kiddo, hoping to provide them with some company. He’d be well suited with a boy and a girl.

Both would adore fluffy things, like their dad’s weretiger state

There would be a profound appreciation for the simpler things in the Nakajima household

The least picky children you’d ever meet

Very frugal; kids with the ability to go couponing like no other soccer mom has done before

Kyōka

(Out of everyone, I feel Kyōka would be the least likely to want/have children; but I’ll include a scenario anyways!)

Girl or Boy: Just one little girl, Kyōka wouldn’t want many children and considering how she is also a girl, would have an easier time with one daughter

There’d often be tea time with mommy

Silent, stoic little child

Not particularly patient though, she gets that from her mother

Would be extensively trained in self-defense; Kyōka wouldn’t want her little girl to be unable to defend herself

At the same time however, she wouldn’t be predisposed to violence all that much

Loves cute things like plushies and decorative desserts

But also has a fascination with badass female leads and action/spy movies in general

Jun’ichirō

Girl or Boy: Both, similar to Atsushi. Jun’ichirō’s lighthearted personality would work well with children.

For starters, they think their aunt is a bit peculiar…but never say anything about it in order to stay polite

Jun’ichirō would most likely call them his “little snowflakes” when they’re little

The adverse of their father and their aunt would happen with them: the girl would have a gift and the boy wouldn’t

The boy would still actively try to protect his sister though, as his father would most likely instill that in him

Both tend to be very aware of their surroundings, since they grew up with their father’s gift trying to catch them off guard (i.e. a holographic cookie jar conveniently left open on the counter)

Because of this, they wouldn’t be very mischievous and most likely have strong moral compasses

But love practical jokes

Naomi

Girl or Boy: Just one boy, whom Naomi would dote on constantly

Due to a peculiar strike of luck, he would be born with a gift

Naomi would often have him visit her brother in an attempt to help him control it

Fukuzawa would also mentor/babysit him from time to time

Hates his uncle, no one is really sure why…

Has a crush on his other babysitter, Ms. Haruno

Despite his aggressive nature towards Jun’ichirō, he gets along with his cousins rather well

Trains with Kyōka’s daughter under Fukuzawa’s mentorship

A bit spoiled compared to the other children

A firm believer in cooties

Kunikida

Girl or Boy: One little girl, although Kunikida wanted a more traditional “nuclear family”, his partner insisted that she’d be happy with their daughter. Doppo, over time, couldn’t help but agree.

The most academically astute of the children – besides Yosano’s son

Gets stressed out very easily (once had a panic attack over a B-)

Diligent and resourceful

Has the second nicest handwriting of the group

Lectures her friends when they’re behaving “like children” (despite being a child herself)

Cutthroat when it comes to school and marks

Keeps a day-to-day journal, rather than writing an “ideals” book like her father

Fukuzawa

Girl or Boy: One vastly older son and a daughter. Fukuzawa has a tendency to be a bit too strict with his first born, and dote on the youngest far too much.

Both would be trained in hand-to-hand combat; alongside Kyōka and Naomi’s kids

The son would potentially prove to be trouble for the Agency in that he’d want to take control forcefully

Though he would eventually reconcile with his father and prove to be a useful member of the Agency

The girl would be rather quiet and contemplative

Though Fukuzawa would feel rather betrayed, given that she prefers dogs to cats; she even keeps bone-shaped biscuits in her purse for them

As for the older son, despite his rough temper, he too prefers the docility of cats

Fukuzawa’s daughter admires traditional theatre and Noh Mai performances

She is also rather astute at sewing, crocheting, weaving, and much more, provided her patient nature and love of creating new patterns

Ranpo

Girl or Boy?: A mischievous pair of twin boys with enough pranks and energy to keep Ranpo busy

One loves mysteries and has his father’s wit

While the other has the street smarts and common sense both his brother and father lack

Both are infamous in the Agency (and some subsectors of Yokohama) for their pranks

One of their favourite pastimes is trying to create a faux-crime or prank so intricate that their father could never figure it out…they haven’t succeeded yet

Kunikida’s daughter and Atsushi’s kids are their main targets for pranks

They’re terrified of Kyoka’s daughter and Yosano’s son

They get along well with Jun’ichirō’s kids

Both love sweets and love learning how to hack things from Katai (and tease/prank him mercilessly when he refuses to give them lessons)

Kenji

Girl or Boy?: Two resourceful, happy-go-lucky farmer girls that pack a punch, much like their father.

Actually have the least amount of interaction with the Agency in that Kenji would most likely have them stay back at home with their grandparents (for their safety)

Though, upon arriving in Yokohama, they proved rather quickly that they can take care of themselves (i.e. they punched their way through a street brawl outside the train station with beaming smiles on their faces)

Both have major appetites for fruit and home cooked meals

They appear to be optimistic, like Kenji, but also more aware of their surroundings and situations

They’re outsiders in regards to the other children, but enjoy spending time with Fukuzawa’s daughter, especially when she lets them braid her hair

They’re fascinated by city life and actively wander around town (usually resulting in them getting lost) to look at landmarks 

The girls also get along increasingly well with Atsushi’s kids

Yosano

Girl or Boy?: An intelligent but lackadaisical boy who is a firm believer in his mother being the most clever and terrifying woman in existence.

Often studies with Kunikida’s daughter, as he is also one of the more astute children of the bunch

His ability, as the opposite of his mother’s, is similar to Fyodor’s devastating gift

As a result, he often kept to himself and through himself into his studies to make up for his lack of interpersonal connections

Though Yosano doesn’t want him to separate himself, she doesn’t push the matter, and is always happy to take him home early from Kunikida’s

Loves frogs, mice, and other animals usually used in lab experiments: would never be able to bring himself to harm them

Fearful of scalpels, but fascinated by the medical field nonetheless

Has a crush on Kyōka’s daughter, but due to his isolationism, usually says something awkward and scares and/or angers her

Dazai

Girl or Boy?: One curly-haired girl with a cynical view of life and a constant eye on her father (for his safety).

Loves puzzles and reading

Prefers time alone, but doesn’t mind spending time with the more serious children of the Agency from time to time

That being said, she cannot stand Ranpo’s boys or Naomi’s son

More mature in her mindset than the others, besides Fukuzawa’s children

Berates Dazai on his suicidal jokes, but on the inside is deeply worried about him

Has a peculiar hobby: baby proofing rooms (a result of living with her father)

 She becomes incredibly embarrassed when Dazai dotes on her in public

Can effectively use a first aid kit and CPR

When she relaxes around friends, she often has insightful comments from her more reflective moments to share

Aspires to be a writer

#kids headcanons #headcanons #anon ask #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bungouimagines #Whooo this is long #fic reference #atsushi nakajima #kunikida doppo #edogawa ranpo #kenji miyazawa #yosano akiko #kyouka izumi #naomi tanizaki #junichiro tanizaki #tayama katai #haruno kirako #dazai osamu #The Agency #Armed Detective Agency

[imagine-valhalla]

BEING THE MOTHER OF HVITSERK’S CHILDREN WOULD INCLUDE:

(anonymous said: If you have the time could you do 'being the mother of hvitserk's children would include'?) 

(a/n: of course! here it is, lovely! we hope that you enjoyed what we have come up with! we love hvitserk and this one was pretty cute writing out! thanks so much for requesting! ❤ - admin kat 🌙❣ & admin wenzel 🌲💖)

◾ It would be more than often that you would find yourself smiling silly at the scene in front of you: Witnessing Hvitserk’s own beam lighting up the entirety of the room as he bounces upon his feet like a child, thus suddenly darting to his beautiful children and beginning a heartwarming, cherished memory of playing with them.

◾ He would assuredly love his children with his entire being, finding it hard not to look at you with grateful eyes. You’d brought them into this life, after all.

◾ You laughing until your sides hurt when your children play tricks upon their father, noting that they had not inherited such a quality of mischief from you.

◾ Hvitserk would be the kind of dad to make dad jokes that are incredibly cringy to the point where people aren’t laughing at his jokes, but at his sheer uncoolness, - much to his dismay -.

◾ His brothers congratulating him on becoming a father and having such a beautiful wife.

◾ Lingering at the docks of Kattegat with your children, eager to see Hvitserk returning from his raid: To which you would grow teary when he appears in the crowd, barging and bounding through it, gliding over and settling himself lower down to the planks to be at the height of his children, scooping them up greedily into his arms.

◾ “Have you been keeping the grey hairs away from your mothers head, children?” Hvitserk would tease his children, tickling his children as he gladly watched them giggle until tears were in their eyes.

◾ In such a gleaming gem of a moment, you would thus realize just how family orientated Hvitserk really is. The simple thought or him loving yourself and your children so much when he is gone would only appear to you as a dream, but to see it in motion before you would cause beads to trickle from your orbs with overwhelming joy.

◾ “Why are you crying, my beloved wife?” Hvitserk would glow at you, ruffling up his children’s hair facetiously whilst the chuckle that you had missed so dearly rumbles deeply out of his mouth. “Clearly the God’s have not taken me from you, so there is no need for tears.” He’d murmur against your forehead after having come closer to you, dark eyes shut, yet you could still feel that adoring sparkle in them.

◾ Hvitserk would wrestling with his kids, obviously in a jovial manner. It would often result in you warning them sternly to not break anything or hurt one another.

◾ At times he would have honest doubts and fears about his ability to be a good father. It’s not that he’s so much phased of his own father and relating to him as a father. No, it is more to do with the fact that responsibility could frighten him off, since he is the type to be more lighthearted and easily humorous.

◾ I’d imagine that Hvitserk would have very serious moments when you or his children were in any danger, - or what he perceived as danger, that is -.

◾ “I told you,” Hvitserk would rumble viciously at you, calloused fingers refusing to part from your wrist, deep orbs burning brightly with indignation, “keep yourself and the children away from Ivar!”

growl, not letting go of your wrist, eyes burning brightly with irritation, “keep yourself and the children away from Ivar.”

◾ “He’s their uncle, Hvitserk! What do you expect for me to do? Shun him?” You would suddenly riposte, almost helpless in the speedy response. “He has the right to be a part of their life.” You would respond wistfully, only thinking you were doing the right thing by including your husband’s younger brother for once. 

◾ “He is already unstable in the head and the heart, (Y/N)!” Hvitserk’s tone unusually darkened as his finger eerily tapped his temple, another prodding at his chest, where his heart was. “Now listen!” All traces of kindness slashed away in an instant. “You stay far away from him, and keep my children far away from my crippled brother.” And with that, his back turned to you, the antarctic gush of wind from the biting motion left you haunted.

◾ Any being who was daunting enough to goad this prince by threatening/causing harm to you or his any of his children would be a very pathetic soul indeed.

◾ Following this, it would infuriate him that after dealing with the issue, Bjorn would state that Ubbe may look like Ragnar, but Hvitserk himself lost his temper protecting the one’s he loved, just as their father, Ragnar would.

◾ Hvitserks’ brothers playing with their nieces and/or nephews, ensuring that they know they are loved and ensuring their safety.

◾ I believe that over time, Hvitserk would learn to keep an eminently keen eye on Ivar when he is around you or his children. Protective would not even cut what Hvitserk would be over you all.

◾ Somehow, Hvitserk would worship and adore you all the more, which would be hard for anyone else to even fathom to be possible.

◾ “What has gotten into you, Hvitserk?” You would giggle gorgeously, color adorning your cheeks like the furs on the bed.

◾ “Why would you say such a thing, mother of my children?” He would grin up at you, pausing between his breathless work.

◾ “Oh!” You’d simper superbly in response. “Is that it?” You’d quirk a slight brow.

◾ “Is what it?” He would murmur up at you, lips trailing wherever they pleased. He was curious.

◾ “I just had to give birth to your children to have you all the more infatuated with me?”

◾ Hvitserk would often teach his children good humor and many ways to be mischievous: And even though this may anger you beyond belief, Hvitserk would just have to grin, make a witty remark and would surely having you laughing in no time again.

◾ Hvitserk would be a both a vigilant father and husband. Nothing would get beyond him. Even in death.

◾ He would teach your children to fight. It would always have much of a playful tone to it, but as they grew older, he would grow more stern about it.

◾ I’d imagine that Aslaug would quite adore you, proud that Hvitserk has found somebody that he loves with all his heart and that has bore him children.

◾ Hvitserk wouldn’t be too over the moon over the fact that his mother would want to spend so much time with you or his children, but he would let it be.

◾ You would certainly be forbidden to go on raids.

◾ “I said no!” Hvitserk said in finality. “I forbid it and that is final.”

◾ “But -”

◾ “No!” He would roar, retorting and snapping like a rabid dog. “How selfish would it be if you died in battle, hmm? How would our children feel? What if they lost me too in that same battle? They will become orphans. Do not be a fool.” He would continue to look at you in a way that made tears prick your eyes, like the prick and throb of a rose thorn. “At least if I die out there, our children will still have a mother.”

◾ You would often note how much more of a child Hvitserk has become since the children were born.

◾ “Honestly, I cannot take any of you anywhere!” You’d sigh in debilitation as you flopped dramatically onto the bed with with Hvitserk breathlessly laughing whilst his children jumped jubilantly on the bed.

◾ “Why would you say such a thing?” He’d glance at you with mock-astonishment.

◾ “Because you’re more of a child than they are!” You would argue back, unkindly at that, not taking your time to think of a pleasant fashion to say it, whilst you nodded your head lazily at your children, still finding it hard not to break out into laughter.

◾ “At least I’ll be the one without grey hairs, wife.”

◾ Hvitserk would be a marvelous father, despite him possibly contemplating otherwise. He may be the kind of father to struggle to grasp serious moments much of the time, but when it would call for it, he would be shooting along seriously, and in flying colors.

◾ Not just that, he would surely be able to be tender, protective, firm or whatever the occasion did call for.

◾ Aslaug steadily attempting to pry herself into your relationship, seeking to almost control how the children are raise, which would spark much tension between everyone.

◾ “If it did not register to you, mother,” Hvitserk would slam his fists combatively against the dinner table within the Great Hall. “Those children are mine and (Y/N)’s! You have no control over them!”

◾ “Hvitserk!” Aslaug would state tensely in response, her following words robbed by Ivar who spat out harshly, “Why don’t you sit your pathetic arse down in your seat and quit your whining? You and your slave of a wife are so blind! You cannot even see that mother is trying to guide you to the best decisions.”

◾ “And if you had any sense, Ivar, you would realize how mother only poisons minds.” Sigurd would barge into the conversation, toxins lacing his own tone, each word drooling with venom.

◾ “If I needed your assistance, mother, I would have already asked it. But since I am not a fool, I won’t need it.” Hvitserk would spit at her.

◾ “ENOUGH!” Ubbe’s voice would crash through the heated argument, cutting everyone off into stunned silence.

◾ Hvitserk would be happy with you and your children in the Great Hall of Kattegat, dressed in the finest of clothes and with all the foods in your world. Though he would also be just as happy being nothing more than a commoner, or someone with absolutely nothing but his family. It would not matter to him.

◾ Hvitserk would find that not much could bring him down when he had such perfectly healthy children and you in his life.

◾ Though of course, the stresses of being a father could get to him at times, making him irritable. But he would always go out of his way to be the best father that he was capable of being. 

◾ Certainly, your family would not be a perfect family. Your life would not be a fairy tail, but it would be a happy one.

hvitserk gif : source - 🏹

hope you enjoyed! please follow for more, lovelies.

#hvitserk #hvitserk ragnarsson #imagines #would includes #vikings #vikings imagines #vikings would includes #vikings hvitserk #vikings hvitserk imagine #vikings hvitserk would includes #being the mother of hvitserks children would include #hvitserk imagines #hvitserk would includes #hvitersk ragnarsson imagines #protective hvitserk #cute hvitserk #hvitserk being a father #fluffy #angsty #we hope you enjoyed

[phoenix-angel-suyari]

Some things I’ve learned in isolation (an incomplete list):

- I need better housemates. Now, granted, I already knew this - have known for most of my life, surely. However, it’s an entirely different thing to know and need to be free of people and to be essentially trapped with them for long stretches of time. I cannot and will not endure anything like this ever again. Hey, future life mates, dm me!! Let’s get this on lock.

- I need a pet. Again, this is not news. What IS news, is that I know for a fact were our dog still alive, we’d be a hell of a lot less stressed out than we are right now. Pets help people live longer for many reasons. One of which I am positive is by placing themselves in direct contact with people about to meltdown. They’re just so intuitive. And you can just pour your soul out to them. It’s incredibly frustrating to me that they won’t even allow fostering when shelters and rescues so desperately need the help and frankly, we could use the help in house as well. Some of us have taken to trying to coax feral cats to us in the hopes of some much needed animal social interaction. Which is going...not at all well. So...Yeah, future life mates, be prepared for animals. 

- There is only so much water a body can stand. So, I have never had a problem with water. I like water. All my doctors think I need more of it. You know what’s driving me absolutely crazy? Having absolutely nothing to drink but water!! (Which yes, I fully admit is a privileged thing to be frustrated over.) 

- Do not listen to ANYONE who badmouths or attempts to discourage your preparedness. There are officially sanctioned LISTS for reasons. And you can tell people until you’re blue in the face and near to screaming in frustration, but they will not listen. They will be surprised as hell every time something like this happens and will act like NO ONE could have EVER forseen this coming and there was ABSOLUTELY NO WAY TO PREPARE for something like this. Only to turn around and carry on in much the same way when it’s all over. So you wanna carry on with this when it’s over and have stores just in case, DO YOU!! Let them talk shit. They’re going to be doing it regardless. Benefit yourself by not engaging and knowing you’re better off for the foresight. 

- You can never have enough books. And I mean this from the depths of my soul. I don’t care what format they’re in or what form they take. If I’ve learned anything it’s that I’m still going to be wanting books, wishing I had more books, and moreover wishing I had the money to help myself out by obtaining more books. This also goes for physical forms of entertainment, such as dvds/blu-rays/cds/vinyls/board games (oh my god the boardgames!!). Because when the wifi crashes or the power goes out, these become a vital resource. So definitely stop feeling bad about your “clutter”. It’s there to keep you sane when you most need it.  

- Spare cash. Have some. This one probably sounds like a no brainer, but let’s be honest, it’s HARD to keep any kind of money these days, let alone spare money. But, even if it’s a dollar here or there, your spare change in a jar every time you remember, it’ll add up and be super helpful in times when banks are closed and/or you can’t use credit cards or apps. 

- Don’t be an asshole. Again, seems pretty straight forward. And yet...Look, I’m not saying you need to be Mary Poppins. But, it doesn’t take very much to be kind. Everyone benefits. And when the shit hits the fan, you’re going to realize just how much your relationships - even with near or complete strangers - matter. Whether for your mental, emotional or physical health. Doesn’t matter. People don’t come together because of magic. But coming together can feel like magic. 

- You’re going to be feeling a lot of things, or not feeling things, and that’s okay. We all cope differently. Part of the human experience is having to respond to situations that come out of nowhere. And no matter how you feel about it, it’s VALID. Because you can’t control how you feel. But, you CAN control how you interpret and your response to your feelings. So, step away when you need to. Don’t be afraid to need time to yourself. If you have to pull a cat, pull a cat. But let yourself experience your feelings without immediately swamping yourself with other, more complicated feelings. You have the right to be disappointed or discouraged or upset. There’s no measure, no standards to meet to feel emotions. Let yourself have them so you can process. Let yourself process. Continue on. 

- Loss is loss. It doesn’t matter what form it takes. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You don’t need to validate your loss for it to be a loss. 

- No one gets paid enough. Again, this is common sense. But, there’s nothing like having to suddenly perform tasks that others are paid to perform for you to suddenly realize just how much time, effort and energy they take to achieve. So maybe be appreciative for all the people doing jobs you yourself have no interest in, or don’t feel deserve respect, or whatever dumbass reason you have for shitting on someone else. Be grateful that under normal circumstances there ARE people wiling to do these jobs and that you benefit from their hard work. Maybe thank them next time. Or at the very least, show more patience.  

I had more, but I feel like I veered off a few points ago, and I’m starting to get angry - which was not my intention - so I’m just going to stop here. I’m feeling very frustrated with people right now, so I apologize if this post comes off wrong. It was meant to be lighthearted. But, I am seriously just exhausted. 

Dear future life mates: Hi. I hope to meet you soon. And if I already know you, thanks for hanging in there. It means the world to me. Stay safe; I love you.

#my life #my family #I rambled #Sorry