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#also very silly
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Prompt: Fuck-or-die, post Canon married Wangxian. WWX gets hit with sex pollen/curse when LWJ isn't present. He decide that 'yes he would rather die' than having sex with anyone else. His companions are trying to get LWJ there or convince WWX to fuck and meanwheile WWX are handing out instructions for how to resurect him/planning out possession/creating a new body/in general how to return from the dead again. You decide if LWJ gets there in time or they have to use one of WWX:s plans.
WANT: Wangxian
DNW: Wangxian with anyone else, unhappy ending
ao3
“So I guess I die then?” Wei Wuxian asked.
He looked disturbingly cheerful about the idea, but possibly that was just the aftereffects of his fit of laughter when he found out exactly what the curse he’d been hit with did.
Or possibly he was just laughing because he’d managed, through a considerable exertion of effort and purposeful obstinance, to get Lan Qiren to actually say the words “fuck or die” out loud. The latter was now looking thoroughly peeved and much less concerned about the imminent demise of the newest member of the Cloud Recesses than he had a little while earlier, which was also a benefit.
“What are you talking about?” Jin Ling demanded, having not calmed down in the slightest. He looked irritated and worried at the same time – he  reallyrather resembled his uncle at the moment, since both of them scowling at Wei Wuxian as if he had personally insulted their mothers. “Of course you’re not going to die!”
“You heard Teacher Lan,” Wei Wuxian said with a shrug. “It’s fuck-or-die, right? And Lan Zhan, who is the only person I’d consider for the first part, isn’t here. So I guess I’m just going to have to die.”
“Don’t be absurd,” Jiang Cheng hissed, even as the junior disciples started urgently murmuring amongst themselves, sounding similar to a flock of pheasants that had just been disturbed. “You lived – and died, and lived again – through too much to die to a half-rate curse like this. You’re not going to die. Can’t you just break it?”
“It’s tied to his cultivation,” Lan Qiren said, voice deep and grave. He had been amongst the most worried at first, rushing over to check Wei Wuxian’s pulse and run diagnostics over the array circle that had inflicted the curse, exerting himself to the utmost to try to figure out what had happened; it had rather thoroughly undercut his reputation for hating Wei Wuxian bitterly as the unworthy pig that had dug up his family’s prized cabbage. Perhaps as consequence, he was now almost pointedly ignoring the current goings-on, seated some distance away with a cup of tea and every appearance that he planned not to care about the results. Just as clearly, however, he wasn’t actually not listening. “If he was as strong as he was in his first life, it might be possible. But with his current level of cultivation…it is impossible to break it from within, and it cannot be broken from without absent a fulfilling of the curse’s conditions.”
The disturbed murmurs among the juniors grew notably louder, and more severe.
“Then he can take care of it, surely?” Jiang Cheng asked. His eye had started twitching. “If the solution involves – ah – if it’s a matter of – of pleasure –”
“Jiang Cheng, really! Are you suggesting I go jerk off to feel better?” Wei Wuxian asked, as bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as he’d ever been. He offered an accompanying illustrative gesture, as if concerned that all around him might not know what he meant.
Lan Qiren closed his eyes and turned his head away, visibly grinding his teeth.
“Shut up,” Jiang Cheng growled at Wei Wuxian, his cheeks having gone red with embarrassment. “Just – shut up! What’s wrong with the idea?!”
“Teacher Lan? Would you like to explain?”
Lan Qiren was still refusing to look at any of them, and even shifted slightly so that he was turned even further away from Wei Wuxian in particular.
“Well, for one thing, it wouldn’t work as a practical matter,” Wei Wuxian said, deciding to explain himself. “See, the amount of jerking off it would take for me to equal a single session with Lan Zhan would be just, you know, unbelievably enormous – even more enormous than Lan Zhan’s – mmmm!”
Lan Qiren had used the silencing spell on Wei Wuxian.
Wei Wuxian waived his hands at the older man, wiggling his eyebrows in a way that was simultaneously obnoxious, obscene, and trying to convey as clearly as he could if you keep me quiet you’re going to have to be the one to answer the question, you know.
Lan Qiren, very bitterly and begrudgingly, removed the silencing spell.
“I was going to say his stamina, you know,” Wei Wuxian sniffed, although the shit-eating grin on his faces suggested he had been intending no such thing. “It’s well known throughout the cultivation world that Lan Zhan has remarkably stamina.”
“Wei Wuxian,” Jiang Cheng said through gritted teeth. “Would you like to get to the point?”
“Fine, fine. Always in such a rush, Jiang Cheng – no wonder you never married! Some things are best taken slow…okay, okay, put Zidian away already! It’s like you think it’s your life on the line here, not mine!” Wei Wuxian laughed. No one else did. “Anyway, it’s quite simple. Using sexual pleasure in order to fulfil the fuck part of the curse has to involved at least two people in order to qualify as a curse breaking mechanism. It’s the same reason as before: the curse is attached to my cultivation, and it can only be broken from the inside, not the outside, only I’m not strong enough to do it myself. Dual cultivation is one of the few ways in which two cultivators can bring their spiritual energy close enough together that they would both be ‘inside’ the range of the curse’s prohibition, causing a disruption in the victim’s spiritual energy sufficient to disperse the prohibition and defeat the curse – thus, the ‘fuck-or-die’ nature of the fuck-or-die curse.” He beamed at everyone. “Educational, isn’t it?”
No one seemed especially impressed.
“Senior Wei,” Lan Sizhui said politely, after a short interval. “Please educate us. How would you break a – break this type of curse?”
“Silly question! It’s in the name: fuck or you die.”
Disturbed murmurs.
“And, again, I’m not fucking anyone who’s not Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian added cheerfully. “So don’t even ask. There is literally no one here that I would be willing to fuck.”
“So…you’re just planning on dying?” Jin Ling asked. He looked upset. He wasn’t the only one, either – any number of the juniors looked upset, and that was besides Jiang Cheng, whose eyes were starting to look glassy with tears of rage or possibly just unexpressed emotion. “That’s it? You’re just going to give up and die?”
“Hey, it’s not like I haven’t died before –”
“Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Cheng roared.
Wei Wuxian promptly held up his hands in surrender. “Sorry, sorry. Sore spot, I know, I know…listen, it’s not that bad, okay?”
“What, because you’ve read up on all the cool new resurrection techniques?!”
“He’d better not have,” Lan Qiren muttered. “Not in the Cloud Recesses.”
“I swear I’ve only been in the Forbidden Section of the library for purely extracurricular purposes, and only when I’ve been very closely supervised by Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian told Lan Qiren virtuously, and just as virtuously ignored the scowl that immediately appeared on Lan Qiren’s face at what ‘supervision’ of ‘extracurricular’ activities his nephew might have been doing with Wei Wuxian in the library. “Jiang Cheng, you worry too much. Do I look worried?”
“That’s no guarantee that you know what you’re doing, Senior Wei,” Ouyang Zizhen pointed out. “Sometimes you’re just like that.”
“Ouch. You’re right, but, you know, ouch. Anyway, in this case, you should trust me. You’re all just thinking too hard.”
A lot of silence, and staring.
“Teacher Lan, work with me here. They’re thinking too much, right?”
Lan Qiren huffed, which was just about confirmation.
“…wait,” Lan Jingyi said. He looked suspicious. “Is that what this is? Have you been trying to get around the curse by fucking with us?”
“Jingyi!” Lan Qiren snapped, and Lan Jingyi jumped.
“Would a mind-fuck work?” Jin Ling asked his uncle, who scowled and shrugged, clearly unsure himself.
“It would not,” Lan Qiren said icily.
“Actually, the way I like to think of it,” Wei Wuxian said, grinning harder than ever, “is that it’s really just a matter of fuck around and find out –”
At this point, Lan Qiren huffed once more, got up, and walked over to Wei Wuxian in three long, purposeful strides. Lifting one finger, he jabbed it right at Wei Wuxian’s chest, over his heart.
“Fuck off.”
Wei Wuxian collapsed onto the ground.
A moment later, he blinked and sat up, grinning once more, and there was no longer the aura of curse hanging around him – even the remaining resentful energy was already dissipating.
“Such curses are exceedingly pedestrian,” Lan Qiren informed their audience, voice toneless as ever but a scowl firmly on his face. “‘Death’ is interpreted as the cessation of heartbeat, which temporarily disrupts the flow of spiritual energy in a manner similar to dual cultivation. A momentary freezing spell, aimed precisely, can simulate the effects, causing the victim of the curse to ‘die’ for the purposes of the curse – the disruption of spiritual energy is similar in nature to what happens during dual cultivation, just as Wei Wuxian described earlier, and there is therefore the same effect.”
“Thus, the ‘fuck or die’ aspects of the fuck-or-die curse,” Wei Wuxian said. He was beaming so hard it looked almost painful. “Teacher Lan, did you really tell me to fuck off?”
“It was richly deserved,” Lan Qiren informed him, and, with a flick of his sleeves, headed back towards the Cloud Recesses, his head held high. Presumably he was going to go punish himself for breaching the rule on vulgar language, and maybe the one about rage...again.
Wei Wuxian was so good.
“Thank you, Teacher Lan!” Wei Wuxian called after him. “You’re my favorite uncle-in-law..!”
He sniggered, then turned back to the juniors.
“See,” he said. “I told you that you were overthinking…”
He trailed off, presumably seeing something in Jiang Cheng’s expression.
“Uh,” Wei Wuxian said. “I would like to emphasize that at no point was I ever actually in danger of dying. That wasn’t going to happen. I was just playing around –”
“Pity,” Jiang Cheng said, and purple lightening started sparking around his hand. “Because I’m going to kill you –”
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wellgoslowly · 6 months
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started watching future man i love this show so much i have so many headcannons josh hutcherson has never played a cis het character in his life
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butchfalin · 6 months
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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noughticalcrossings · 3 months
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Put thee not on Silent
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twilight-zoned-out · 6 months
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Learning about the Doctor Who specials' expanded budget: oh no, what if they overuse CGI to look more 'professional' and high-budget?
The first scene of the Doctor Who Special:
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clown-owo · 1 year
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been replaying the Portal series I think this is where its heading
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eyes-of-nine · 4 months
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pls assume i'm thinking about this moment 24/7 all week every week
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uncanny-tranny · 7 months
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The leftism/anticapitalism leaving people's bodies the zeptosecond you imply that disabled people who aren't "productive" still matter in society and need to be treated like intrinsic equals who have a place in this world:
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shitpostingkats · 4 months
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Every time I make another attempt to get into One Piece the show immediately reminds me that it has one of the funniest main cast dynamics in the entire world
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improvapocalyps · 1 month
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You have 90 minutes to complete. (original poem: r.a.)
In participation of the MCYT Recursive Exchange 2024 hosted by @mcytrecursive!
Inspired by know that all my love will be your breath (i will save you when your lights go out)
[text under cut]
1. Have you ever been in love? (Please circle your answer.) a. It's me and him b. Our hearts beat in sync c. Our lives intertwined
2. Do you understand what you’ve done? (Please circle your answer.) a. I couldn't do anything b. I lost my balance c. I doomed us both
3. It's been god knows how long since you felt phantom hands on your neck and there is no one in sight. If you were soul-bound to him and both of you died at the same time then why are you still waiting in the void? Please answer clearly, in full sentences. (Not a correct answer:I just wanted to see him one more time).
4. Define two (2): Fate | The feeling of his forehead against yours Curse | The moment you realise he isn't linked to you anymore
5. True or False: i. It was your fault. ii. You wish you had met him under different circumstances. iii. You can’t regret a single moment that you had him. iv. You would do it all over again if you could. v. It ended long before either of you said anything.
thumbnails:
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sketch cover thing for imgur link:
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crow-person · 7 days
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totally real moment in the ace novel ( you can trust me i would not lie haha )
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sourlemonadez · 6 months
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My first tumblr post aa throws this unshaded mess at you and runs
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14dayswithyou · 11 days
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💖 Day 3.5 is now available! 💖
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For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord — and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game — so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!
The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^
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What's been added to the 3.5 version?
📺 Streamer Mode!
I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.
Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh
This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!
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⚙️ Custom Pronouns!
It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;
Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!
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💗 Choose how others perceive you!
You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.
For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!
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📋 Separate top and bottom genitalia!
You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3
Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!
I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;
I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao
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📱 Relationship Screen Overhaul!
You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!
Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!
I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;
It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)
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🖤 Additional Scenes Update!
Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!
If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.
After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga
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🎶 Updated BGM and SFX!
I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!
I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.
Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.
How to download and play the update?
(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!) To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!
Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)
Enjoy!!
#14 days with you#14dwy#💖 — 14 days with queue.#🖤 — updates.#🖤 — spoilers.#I'm not gonna say much about my current doxxing situation because I've got it under control now + it's being handled privately#Plus I don't wanna give it/the people involved any unnecessary attention. I just wanna announce the update and Get Back To It™️#(''it'' bein the grind 💪 It never stops lmao /silly)#OG followers will also know that these topics aren't the vibe I normally have on this blog (or any of my accounts); so I don't think I'll—#—make ANOTHER public post about the situation and bring more attention to it (when I just want everything to be over and put to rest ^^;)#However I also don't want people to think that I'm... ignoring?? the situation entirely (because gettin doxxed is a very endangering thing)#So I DO want to quickly acknowledge it here and say that it's all currently handled + I'm safe and okay + this won't stop me from—#—continuing to work on 14DWY (and other future projects). I also don't want to give these awful people more power and incentive to continue#—this kind of pathetic behaviour; so the less attention and encouragement being shown will ultimately be better in the long run :3#Aaaaaanways!! 😮‍💨#My other accounts will be restored shortly and my askbox will be opened once I feel comfortable. I'll get around to following folks—#—again in my own time; so please don't feel offended if I unfollowed you during a moment of vulnerability and anxiety!!#This is all EXTREMELY overwhelming and scary for someone with SAD/AvPD; and I /gen can't handle seeing it all over my timeline ;v;#Sorry this got ranty and personal again hjdsgjsdh T_T I said I wouldn't say much; so I'll shut up now hehe#🖤 — shut up sai.
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puppyeared · 5 months
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my attempt at making a fursona
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oki-coma · 10 months
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"Unless you fight the inevitable, you'll never know if it truly was" [x]
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egophiliac · 3 months
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What do we think, will we get Briar Valley Event somewhere in the future? And WILL WE SEE PRESENT PEEPAW ZIGVOLT? I wonder what Sebek meant that he looks older and I really wanna see Lilia and his relationship after retirement. What do you think?
god I hope so, I desperately want to see Briar Valley and whatever family member they throw at us. and if it's Baul I hope he's the exact same sprite but with, like, a mustache crudely pasted on. that's how he looks in my head and in my heart.
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my entire KINGDOM to see one or both of Sebek's parents though, they are the best characters in all of Twst and they haven't shown up even once. 😭 though I think I might prefer his dad, because 1) show me the noodley dentistman, and 2) Mrs. Z is such a mythical figure in my mind at this point that reality could never compare (w-what if she gets a canon design and she isn't a hundred feet tall and could crack the earth by flexing her thighs, how could I go on) (jk jk she's so great that I would love her no matter what) (but also...)
of course based on past Twst events if they go to Briar Valley it's just going to go basically like this:
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