#and I haven’t been in therapy since May

[isaac-clarke]

When thinking about the fact that you have art creation anxiety makes you wanna cry lmao

#tbh I’ve been starting to think #it may be time to try therapy for it #I’ve been dealing with it since art school #only really realized I had it a few years ago #tried tackling it but I really haven’t made much progress

[charliemwrites]

Nikto's Commandments part 8! (and the first half of the Jealousy Duet).

I'll be honest, I got stuck with this one! For some reason I just couldn't get a good flow going and had to try writing this a few different times. I think it shows in the beginning, but I get the rhythm back towards the end.

Also, apologies if there are more errors than usual. I kind of powered through it and am too afraid I'm going to hate it if I try to read it over.

Anyway, please enjoy as always <3

Content: Jealousy, Acts of Devotion, Declarations of Love, Kissing

It’s your first mission since Nikto failed you.

(You may have forgiven him. He’s even accepted that you have, merciful as you are. But that doesn’t change the truth of what happened – that he failed you. That he left your side, and then almost didn’t return. You’ve forbade him from hanging himself with “almost,” but that doesn’t mean he can’t feel the noose around his throat.)

You’re long since healed and recovered under Nikto’s devoted watch. Nurturing may not come naturally to him, but he’d bend himself into any shape for your use. So, he made himself into your caregiver. Weeks of helping you sit up, walk, bathe… until you were back in the gym, right by his side, gritting your teeth through physical therapy.

A scar is all that’s left now, silvery and tender. The only sign that Nikto’s world nearly bled away on dirty concrete. A reminder of his failure, his disgrace. How could he possibly deserve a place at your side, when he couldn’t even protect you? When he thought, for even a moment, that vengeance mattered more than your life?

Still, he returns to your side. Because you told him to, all that time ago. Because he has so much to make up for after everything. And because you haven’t given him leave to be anywhere else.

(He prays that you don’t the only way he knows how. Through meals from his own hand while you grin, nipping at his fingers. Through tea shared from one cup. With fragrant products in your wet hair while you sigh. You haven’t told him he could be anywhere else, beckoning him into a bed bigger than the one on base, still tucking in close like one of you might fall off the edge.)

It’s not that he thinks you incapable now. He would never blaspheme that you are anything other than utterly competent. It’s just that every blink superimposes pools of blood over his vision, a strobe of you near death.

In his most selfish, private thoughts, he imagines taking you away from it all for good. Tucking you away warm and safe in the cathedral of your off-base apartment, where a god belongs, in their own house. He soothes himself on visions of devoting himself to you fully and wishes he were a prophet. But for all you’ve given him, visions of the future are not one of them.

You were eager to return to duty, nearly cornered O’Conor once you got final clearance from the doctors. Nearly shook him down for a new assignment – for the both of you. Even if he had reservations about sending you to duty so soon, an opportunity to keep Nikto and his temper away a little longer was too tempting. (The bruises Nikto left on his throat were long gone, but the memory clearly was not.)

And so here you both are, in the gym of an SAS base, sparring with Task Force 141.

“Oi, lass! Care for a match?”

“Bring it, MacTavish!”

Nikto stands back to observe as you and the sergeant square off.

The 141 has been cooperative, despite previous tensions with KorTac. You, Nikto, and Konig have managed to build a decent working rapport – though most of that work has been yours. Their captain seems to like your friendly personality and straightforward professionalism; their lieutenant has been cordial. But the two sergeants (especially the Scottish one) have taken a liking to you.

“Fuck!”

Nikto jerks as you get taken down on your bad side – no, it’s not your bad side anymore. You’ve fully recovered; he must remember that. Interrupting a sparring match would be unwelcome and unnecessary. Not just overprotective on his part, but disrespectful to you as well, as if he doesn’t think you can hold your own. Still, he balls his hands into fists as you struggle against the sergeant.

At least you’re laughing, breathless and curse laden as it is.

“She is okay, ja?” Konig asks.

Nikto grunts the affirmative, eyes sharp as he watches you knee MacTavish’s side. Good, he thinks proudly as you twist to get on top. You’ve been working tirelessly to improve your groundwork techniques, learning all the different ways you can use your smaller stature against bigger and stronger opponents.

“He is… friendly,” Konig continues.

Another grunt of agreement. Most people are with you. It’s a natural reaction in the face of divinity; to reach out to a smiling god. It worked on Nikto, anyone else would be helpless. It’s just the natural order of things like green grass, blue skies, or gravity.

There’s a pause that starts to prickle the back of Nikto’s mind. Disinterested as he may be in socializing, he understands how it works. A program that runs in his mind – body language, tone, inflection, facial expression. A complex algorithm that computes to emotion, conversation, feeling. It’s just not an equation that applies to him, or that he can apply to himself anymore.

And right now, Konig is trying to imply something. Nikto cuts his eyes to the side, meets Konig’s.

“Too friendly, don’t you think?” he adds.

Nikto snorts and turns back to the match – where you are just tapping out. MacTavish is unwinding his arm from your windpipe. You’re sat between his legs, back to his chest. A tough position to get out from in a fight. As you’re scooting away, the sergeant pats your hip, leans to say, “good match” in your ear. You shoot him a grin over your shoulder and then push to your feet, sauntering back to your own team.

“Whose turn is it?” you ask, wiping sweat from your brow.

You don’t see MacTavish’s eyes darting up and down your body, zeroing in on the sliver of skin revealed by your lifted shirt. But Nikto does.

“Mine,” Konig answers, stepping forward.

You smile at him, bump fists with him. “Kick his ass for me, yeah?”

“Ja.”

He shoots Nikto one last, pointed look before stepping onto the mat. But Nikto has no interest in watching his match. Not when you’re right in front of him, a sheepish look on your face.

“I can’t believe I lost like that,” you groan. “Guess I need more practice.”

“We will practice,” he promises.

You beam and knock the back of your hand gently against his.

Like an insidious weed, Konig’s observation takes root and sprouts. Sergeant MacTavish’s friendliness.

It’s almost like Nikto is hallucinating again – or perhaps that he has just stopped. A veil pulled away from his eyes. A creature camouflaged in the brush, his eyes skipping over the landscape until an irregularity in the pattern was pointed out to him. And now he cannot stop seeing it.

MacTavish saying hello to you first every morning, asking how you slept with a twinkle in his eye. He offers to accompany you to training sessions, often chooses you first for cross-team drills. In downtime, he’ll invite you to socialize (with the rest of the 141, sure) and always save you a seat or a spot. Usually right next to him.

And it is not that he doesn’t acknowledge Nikto or Konig. He is amicable with both, works well with either of them when paired up. But there is always a tilt to his mouth when he speaks to you, a lilt to his voice. A subtle incline to his shoulders that makes every interaction seem just that slightest bit intimate.

A week into the assignment, and he is touching you freely. First a hand tapping elbow or shoulder. Then an arm around the back of your neck. Platonic, commiserating. Within a day, that arm drops to your shoulders and he’s leaning the side of his head against yours, something a bit warmer than a hug.

One morning, he scoops you up in a hug, your toes nearly off the ground. You seem surprised, reciprocate with a pat to the back before you’re set down and offered a chair.

And the sparring… the sparring gets worse. Not just an exchange of blows and a chance to improve skills with a new partner anymore. It’s become a game of teasing you, joking with you. Tagging you with hits to coax you into going after him. Wrestling with you on the ground and dragging it out while he grunts and huffs against you.

And Nikto… Nikto burns.

This is not hell, he knows; but maybe this is some form of purgatory.

He has no place, no right to suffer. Knows that trying to claim you as his own would be like trying to cage the sun. It wouldn’t just be selfish; it would be heresy. You’ve already given him a miracle; you told him you love him. That is far beyond anything he could deserve, anything he could hope or dream or long for. To take after all that, to demand more of the time, attention, energy you pour into him like holy water…

And yet.

And yet he wants to claw his skin off when MacTavish winks at you. Wants to set the world on fire when that accent purrs “bonnie” or “hen” at you. An awful, deafening static scream fills the fractures of his mind when you smile at the sergeant, when you wish him a good morning or evening.

“How are you with a sniper, hen?” MacTavish asks one day.

You hum, glance over at Nikto. He’s been training you with his own rifle for months now – though it’s obviously been on pause since your injury. “Well, I’ve been working on it, but I definitely need some improvement.”

MacTavish crosses his arms, biceps bulging against the sleeves of his t-shirt. “I wouldn’t mind giving you a few pointers, if you want to come down to the range with me some time. Promise I’m a good teacher.”

You blink, hesitate. Then lightly, “Yeah, maybe!”

Nikto can’t hang himself on an “almost,” but he’s gutted on a “maybe.”

That night you come out of the bathroom frowning. There’s a furrow between your brows that you only get when you’re both frustrated and worried; if it stays, you’ll have a headache within the hour.

“Nikto?”

He glances up from the knives he’s polishing. You stop, eyes darting all over him, towel frozen in your hand.

“Hm?” he prompts.

You don’t answer. Instead, drop the towel carelessly on the floor and stride across the room. Towards him. He only just manages to shove his equipment out of the way by the time you reach him. And you don’t stop, climbing onto the hard desk chair he’s in, straddling his lap. Your fingers curl so tight in his chest straps that he can hear them creak.

He’s trapped as much by your gaze as your weight. Something swimming in the pools of your irises that he hasn’t seen in them before. Doesn’t know how to name or how to tame.

“What’s going on?” you ask.

He jerks back in surprise, but you’ve got a solid grip and there’s nowhere to go.

“Did I… do something?” you ask. “Or… or not do something?”

He stares. “What?” he asks, mouth gone suddenly dry.

Your eyes are still darting between his, like you’ll find answers playing peekaboo between them.

“You haven’t been right the past few days. Maybe even a week,” you explain. “I’ve been giving you space to tell me, but you won’t. And I’m sorry, I’m not trying to pressure you, but please just talk to me.”

Now his brows furrow. “I haven’t been…?”

You sit back a bit, assured that you have his attention – as if that isn’t guaranteed.

“You’re not eating the same. Didn’t even take the green beans I put aside for you,” you say. “You’re not sharing my tea or letting me wrap your hands. You keep leaving for a smoke in the middle of the night. Hell, you’re wearing your mask in our room.”

It dawns on him like apocalypse. That he has been worrying you, affecting you.

“And you’re not… you’re not talking to me.” Your white-knuckled grip eases a bit as you run out of steam, sadness tinging your expression. “I know we don’t talk the normal way but… I haven’t been able to read you. You won’t look me in the eye or press our legs together. You’re even pulling away in your sleep.”

His heart is trying to claw out of his ribcage, wants to crawl into the palm you press to his chest.

“So… if I’m doing something or not doing something… you can tell me. I promise I won’t be upset. I just miss you.”

He crumbles.

Weeks under torture, but he breaks at four words.

You gasp as he rips the gear off his face. Try to help, but he just pushes your hands away. Knows he’s aggravated the old wounds, but a balm is at hand, pressing his face into the crook of your neck.

“моя любовь,” he whispers fervently. “моя надежда. моя богиня.”

You curl around him instantly, arms around his shoulders, fingers fluffing through the fuzz of hair at the back of his skull. Gentle and kind and everything that sinners and saints would fall on their swords for. And yet all you ask of him is to speak, to confess.

“I fear,” he rasps into your skin.

“Fear what?” you ask.

He is your protector, your disciple. Yours to command, to damn, to sacrifice if you so wished – and he would gladly spill his corroded innards at your feet, careful not to bloody your shoes. And he fears that you won’t ask him to.

“You are not mine, but I fear losing you,” he admits. You suck in a breath, arms tightening around him. “If not to MacTavish, then to the world. I will be left here without you again.”

He squeezes his eyes shut as the scars sear all over again, crushes his crooked nose against your collarbone.

“I am yours,” he whispers, lungs burning, “and I cannot be that if you are gone.”

You shift, pressing closer, tighter. Lay your cheek on his head and squeeze him so tightly he wonders if you’re not inviting him inside your ribcage.

“I thought you understood,” you whisper, and even that cracks with emotion. “I’m sorry, I thought I made it clear. I thought you knew…”

You urge him back. He wants to resist. Wants to stay right there in the hollow of your neck, breathing in the soap you two share, basking in your warmth. But you are bidding him to do something, and he is a weak man to your command.

Your eyes are shiny, but there’s a smile on your face when you look at him.

“You’re mine,” you assure him, “you will always be mine. I will never turn you away.”

His eyes flutter with relief. Always. He has no business questioning the truth of that. You’ve said it; it is so.

“I’m yours too, Nikto.”

His eyes snap open again, but you hold him still, hold him right there.

“Our love isn’t a cross for you to bear,” you murmur. “I belong to you the same way – the exact same way – that you are mine.”

“I don’t—”

“You remember what I told you in that car all those months ago?”

Don’t deserve it? That’s not your choice. Don’t understand? You don’t have to. I just do. It wasn’t a choice I made.

Your word is genesis. It is revelation. It is creed and commandment, redemption and atonement.

You’ve said it; it is so.

“Here.”

You snatch a pad of black ink from one of the desk drawers, grab at one of his useless, hovering hands.

“What are you—”

You smear his bare fingertips across the damp pad. Then press them to your forearm. He jerks his hand back, but it’s too late. His smudged fingerprints stain your skin in inky little pools. When he looks up at you, you’re grinning. Wide and beautiful and so damn proud of yourself.

“C’mon,” you coo. “Do it again.”

He hesitates. But his eyes are drawn back to his fingerprints on your skin. His mind echoes with your declaration.

You are his. You are his.

To deny you this, to deny your belonging, would be beyond blasphemy. Beyond sin.

You have said it; it is so. You. Are. His.

You beam as he takes the inkpad and gets his fingers wet again. Begins leaving marks all over you. Along your arms, over your collarbone. Lean back to get palm prints on your thighs. Sits you on the desk to smear lines up your calves. You even tug your shirt up, giggling all the while, so that he can mark up your stomach.

He pauses at the gunshot. Places his blackened thumb over the entry scar. Pulls it away to see the whorls of his fingerprint covering it.

You soften, kind hands cupping his jaw and guiding him up. Up and up… until your plush lips are slotted against his. His own stained hands land on your hips – likely ruining your little sleep shorts – and pull you as close as he can get you. Infusing himself with the taste of you, of your love, of your belonging.

“Yours,” you murmur against his mangled mouth.

“Yours,” he repeats.

The next day, you walk into the mess hall with Nikto’s fingers hooked into your belt loops. There’s a single black smudge on your jaw.

#cod #my writing #fanfiction #reader fic #nikto x reader #cod nikto #nikto's commandments

[walkingintheheartbreaksatellite]

I Want Forever

Harry Styles x fem!reader

Gif credit goes to @londonharry (So sorry! I don’t normally use gifs so I forgot to give credit!)

Summary- Harry and Y/N broke up early into Love On Tour. Harry struggled to truly move on, as did Y/N. With tour over, a lost soul shows up at Y/N’s door one night, ready for forever.

Warnings- angst, smooshiness, you may cry

>>>————————->

September 2021

“Y/N, love, please! I haven’t seen you in weeks! Can’t you take just a bit of time off to come to my next show?”

I sigh into the phone and shake my head, knowing full well he can’t see me.

“Harry, you know I can’t! I’m swamped with school! I skipped 4 assignments and took zeroes for them when I was with you last! This is my future-.”

“And what about our future?! I told you! I want a life with you! You don’t need to be working this hard! You don’t even need to work!”

I scoff and bite my lip.

“Harry, you know I won’t! My career is important! This is what I’m working so hard for! I want to work and I want to be somebody! Not just a pop star’s girlfriend! You’re always gone. If you can’t drop your career for me then you shouldn’t ask me to drop mine for you. I thought you understood that..?”

My heart breaks more and more as he sighs into the phone.

“So that’s it then? You’re just… You’re giving up on us?”

“Harry-.”

“No, no, don’t bother. We should just end it before it gets worse for either of us. I hope things work out for you, Y/N.”

He hangs up and with that, I breakdown. I cry and I cry, praying that this was just a nightmare. But I knew he was right. And without Harry… I could focus…

July 2023

It had been a long week. In fact, it had been a long few years. After the break up, I distanced myself a lot. I got off of social media and threw myself into finishing school and eventually, entered, I got my dream job.

As much as I love helping kids, the ones that are like me and the ones that struggle worse, it breaks my heart. After the break up, I got myself back into therapy to cope.

While I am no longer spiraling, the pain is still there. I never tried to get my things. I never made contact again. I just ran. I ran from everything.

After another long, emotional day of work, I stumble into my apartment and crash on my couch. After giving myself a few moments to scream my frustrations into the couch cushion, I get up and make myself a light dinner before getting some extra work done.

I park myself down at the coffee table with a glass of white wine and a frozen dinner, turning my attention to my laptop when there’s a knock at the door. I glare curiously at the door and hesitantly get up, making my way to the door.

I hesitantly open it and my mouth drops when I see who’s on the other side of the door.

“Harry…”

He looks in my eyes, his face sullen.

“Y/N…”

Before I can really think, I try to close the door but I hear a small ‘ow’ from the other side of the door. I look down and see Harry’s foot in the door. I sigh and let it go, opening it again. He looks at me and pulls his foot back.

“Can we… Can we talk?”

I fold my arms and frown.

“We don’t have anything to talk about. Now if you’ll excuse me-.”

“Y/N, please! Just- Just hear me out!”

He steps forward and I take a step back as he backs me into my apartment and closes the door.

“There’s nothing left to say, Harry. I’ve made my peace. Obviously you have too. So you should just go-.”

He places his hands on my arms and looks into my eyes.

“Y/N, you’re all I’ve thought about since we broke up… I have missed you so.. So much, love. And I know I was horrible to you and I will never forgive myself for that. But I can’t- I need you, Y/N. I can’t take one more day without you…”

Tears well up in my eyes and I shake my head.

“You can’t just come back into my life and say that! You were the one that ended things Harry, you! I supported you through everything! And you couldn’t support me?! My career is important to me! School was important! You were important!”

I take a deep breath, trying to calm down before I continue.

“I shouldn’t have to choose between them! And you made the choice for me! And you, you moved on! Multiple times! I-.”

Harry shakes his head, tears spilling down his soft cheeks.

“That’s not true! I- I couldn’t… It was hard, Y/N! I-I made a mistake… I tried to move on but I just couldn’t.. I missed you Y/N. I miss you. And.. I just want you back. I-I know I don’t deserve you, even after all I’ve done… But I just can’t let you go. I refuse to let you go without a fight.”

Before I can say anything, Harry moves to his knees and he takes me hands, forcing me to look down at him.

“Harry-.”

He pulls out a ring box, his hands shaking as tears continue to spill down his cheeks.

“Just.. Hear me out. The last two years, I have done nothing but berate myself for chasing you away. No matter how I tried to move on, you were always on my mind. 3 years. You were with me from the start. And I wasn’t there for you like I should’ve been-.”

I attempt to pull him up and he shakes his head.

“Just wait. Please just let me finish… I made a mistake Y/N… But I don’t want to make another… Please… Y/N L/N… Will you marry me? Will you let be make it up to you? I will spend the rest of my life making sure you never feel like you have to choose. I’ll support you and I’ll-.”

I begin to cry and I drop to my knees as I sob. Harry drops the ring box and takes my cheeks in his hands, wiping my tears away with his thumb as he makes me look at him. His expression softens though his eyes remain teary, and he gives me a small smile.

“I am so, so sorry my love. I will spend every day making sure you know just how much I love you. And I know have a lot to make up for but please.”

I sigh and close my eyes for a minute. I take a deep breath before opening them again.

“Yes… I’ll marry you, Harry.”

His eyes light up and he opens his mouth to speak but I place my finger on his lips, stopping him.

“But I have a few conditions. These past couple years haven’t been easy. For the first few months… I couldn’t stand even hearing your name-… I want to go to therapy. You and me. Couples counseling. And- I want to take some time to heal… You coming back is putting salt in old wounds.”

He lets go of my cheeks and looks down, his sides dropping. I sigh and despite my better judgment, I wrap my arms around his neck and I kiss him. His eyes widen for a moment before he sinks into the kiss, deepening it. After a minute or so, I pull away and Harry looks into my eyes.

“I want you to listen to me, okay?”

He’s quiet for a second before he nods, gesturing me to continue.

“You made a mistake. And you’re owning up to it. I want to be with you Harry, I do. But I think we need to spend some time working through things together before we tie the not.”

He’s quiet for a moment before I hear him grab something off the floor.

“So… Does that mean you don’t want to wear the ring yet?”

I let out a small snort and shake my head. I pull away from him and hold my right hand out to him.

“No, gimmie that! I had been waiting for that! But it does mean that you’ll have to wait a little longer before you can marry me.”

He smiles and slips the ring on my finger and picks me up, twirling me around in his arms as I laugh.

It won’t be easy, but I want forever, and I want it with him.

>>>—————->

I hope you enjoyed lovelies! I would definitely be open to writing more for them!!! Requests are closed for now, until I catch up, but I will let you know when they’re open again!

Tag List

@be-with-me-so-happily @swiftmendeshoran @babyiamperfectforyou @freedomfireflies @kaminokatie @harrysmimi @violetsandfluff @fruitmans @fruitmansrecs @strwbrrydaydreams @rafaaoli @kimmi-kat @erggggggggg

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #fanfiction #harry styles fanfiction #wattpad #harry styles fan fic #harry styles oneshot #harry styles fic #harry styles angst #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader break up #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader angst #harry styles x fem!reader #harry styles imagines #harry edward styles #harry styles concept #harry styles fluff #harry styles writing #harry styles fan fiction #harry angst #harry styles blurb #harry styles fanfic #harry st

[levithestripper]

would they peel an orange for you

masterlist

warnings: gender-neutral reader, none

included characters: yuji itadori, megumi fushiguro, toge inumaki, yuta okkotsu, and kokichi muta (mechamaru).

length: 1.2k || read on ao3 || join my taglist

a/n: i just finished both seasons of jjk and gege owes me money for therapy

— Yuji Itadori

Yuji wouldn’t need to be asked to peel an orange for you. He’d be making himself a snack and decides to bring you something too, ‘cause he knows you’ll sneak stuff off his plate anyway, so why not get you your own snack? He also peels your orange nicely, even picking off that icky white string you hate. Yuju brings it to you on a plate, and the gesture makes you smile as he snuggles next to you on the couch in the common area. 

“An orange?” you ask, looking up at him from your seat on the sofa. You’re covered up to your chin in a fluffy blanket, warding off the chill you felt due to Yuji’s absence. You swear the man’s like a walking furnace. 

“I was getting myself a snack, so I thought I’d get you something, too!” Yuji replies with a smile so bright that it rivals the sun. “I know you like oranges, and you haven’t had one in a while, so I thought you’d like one!” He sits next to you again, wriggling underneath the blanket, putting his cold feet on your bare legs, making you squeal. 

You take the plate from him after he stops torturing you with his maliciously cold toes. “Yu!” Yuji just kisses your cheek happily, tangling his legs with yours. Now that he’s had fun, Yuji’s careful not to get his cold feet on you.

— Megumi Fushiguro

Megumi would also peel you an orange, but you’d have to ask him first. You’ll be sitting in his room together, with you on his bed and him at his desk. Last time he was out in the city, Megumi bought a mini fridge for his dorm room so he doesn’t have to walk all the way to the kitchens when he’s hungry late at night. 

“Hey, Megs?” you gaze over at him, your head hanging off the edge of his bed, hair dangling upside down with you. 

He turns to meet your gaze, chin in his palm. “Yes, my love?” The afternoon sunlight filtering through the windows illuminates Megumi’s pretty features, beautifully highlighting his dark chocolate eyes. 

“Could you get me an orange from the mini fridge?”

He nods, silently leaning over and snagging a clementine out of the fridge. Pushing his homework out of the way and unfolding a napkin, Megumi fully peels it in just a few strips, tossing the rind in the trash can underneath his desk. With a soft smile, he wraps your orange in the napkin, placing it in your outstretched hand.

“Thank you, Megs,” you return his smile, moving to sit crisscross. You giddily eat your orange slices, the fruit tasting much better since your boyfriend prepared it. Megumi watches you eat, his chin returning to his palm like before. His oversized cream-colored sweater makes him look like a soft, snuggly teddy bear. “You should take a break, baby. You’ve been working for hours!” you exaggerate, making him giggle quietly. 

Megumi sighs with a smile before joining you on his bed, curling up beside you like a cat, resting his head on your shoulder. “I don’t think it’s been hours, love,” he chuckles, stealing an orange slice. 

“Hey!”

“Payment, babe.”

You roll your eyes at him but pretend to not see Megumi steal another slice a few moments later.

— Toge Inumaki

Toge also would need to be asked to peel an orange for you. He’s more than happy to do it, as one of his love languages is acts of service. He peels it while sitting on the couch beside you, watching whatever you had on the television. He may or may not take a few pieces for himself in the process. 

You lean against him, your head on his shoulder, watching Toge’s nimble fingers fix a snack for you. He separates the orange into individual slices, making it easier to eat as you watch TV. When he hands you the plate, you find a few slices missing, only to see Toge eating them.

“Toge! Those’re mine!” you exclaim, looking at him as if he had deliberately kicked one of your stuffed animals off the bed. 

He makes a face at you. “Fish flakes.”

“Oh, don’t fish flakes me, Toge,” you grumble, “No more eating my snacks!”

Toge makes another face at you, teasing you in that silent way he’s gotten good at. He snags another slice before you can move your plate away, a stupid grin spreading across his lips.

— Yuta Okkotsu

Yuta will peel your orange for you, but he’d be sassy about it the entire time. He’s happy to do it, but he’ll be teasing you while he does it. Standing by the counter, Yuta’s peeling your orange in small bits, tossing the skin on a paper towel. “You need me to peel your grapes, too, angel?” he teases, and you stick your tongue out at him. 

“You don’t peel grapes, dumbass.”

“You peel them for babies,” Yuta smirks.

You shoot him a warning glare like you’re daring him to continue that train of thought.

He giggles as he finishes sectioning the orange. “I’m not above chucking this at you, angel.”

“Shut up and give me my damn orange,” you snark at him, leaving him in the kitchen to make yourself comfy on the sectional in the common room. The second year’s dorm rooms have better amenities than the first-year dorms. 

He sits beside you, throwing a blanket across both of your laps. “You’re so demanding.” 

“And you’re annoying.”

“And you love it,” Yuta grins, kissing your cheek.

— Kokichi Muta

Kokichi would one hundred percent hands down peel an orange for you. He’s so incredibly grateful to be with you in person that he’d probably kill someone for you if you asked. So yeah, he’d peel you an orange. He’d probably peel you two oranges. Kokichi would try to peel it into a heart shape, but if it didn’t work the way he wanted, he’d just arrange the longest scraps into a vague heart shape the best he could.

Sitting at the breakfast counter, you watch Kokichi prepare a lovely breakfast for both of you. Bacon sizzles on the stove next to a pan of over-easy eggs. While he waits for the bacon to finish, Kokichi plates the eggs and toast before grabbing a bag of fruit from the fridge. He washes a handful of red and green grapes and sets them in a bowl, now quickly peeling two oranges, one for you and one for him. He places the fruit on your plate, careful to keep it from touching your eggs.

You didn’t expect Kokichi to prepare your fruit for you; no one besides your parents when you were little had ever done that before. “Oh, Chi, you didn’t have to do that for me,” you say, affection warming your chest.

He smiles at you sweetly, his scar stretching slightly. “I know. I wanted to.” Kokichi lifts the bacon pan off the stove, holding it over the counter while he splits it evenly on each plate. “I know you don’t like the feeling of the peel underneath your nails.”

Kokichi’s words fill you with so much love and other indescribable emotions that it makes you want to scream. You pull him to lean over the counter for a kiss. “What did I do to deserve you, Chi?”

He grins against your lips, kissing you back with all the passion bubbling inside his chest as well. “You deserve all this and more, you know. But we’ve gotta eat before our eggs get cold.”

#yuji itadori #megumi fushiguro #yuta okkotsu #kokichi muta #itadori yuuji #inumaki toge #muta kokichi #yuji itadori x reader #yuuji itadori x reader #megumi fushiguro x reader #inumaki toge x reader #kokichi muta x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk #jjk x reader #jjk headcanons #jjk fandom #jjk x you #jjk x gender neutral reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen x gender neutral reader #jjk hcs #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #jujutsu kaisen hcs #character x reader #gender neutral reader

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for making my partner feel bad about sex?

NSFW Warning for this one, tl;dr at bottom. Sent in May 26th, 2024, goat to locate later

🐐

I (23FtM) have been with my partner “Jake” (25M) for about seven months now. We met at work, were friends for a while, and decided to start dating after we realized we had feelings for each other

Please let me say that Jake is a good boyfriend. He takes me out, we share big purchases, our families get along, and he’s always been super supportive of me in the ways he can be. I would also like to say that I haven’t medically transitioned yet and very much do NOT pass as a man. Despite this, he’s never misgendered me and he’s always been really good about making me feel masculine.

So not long into our relationship, I disclosed to him that I have vaginismus (or whatever it’s called), and it means that I can’t really be on the receiving end of penetrative sex until I do some muscle therapy for my downstairs. Like it hurts when I try to insert anything into myself, always has since I was younger. No tampons, no fingers, especially no penises. Jake said this was fine and that he had confidence in his ability to make me feel good in other ways

Well… it’s been six months and I’ve never actually finished. He bought me a little rose toy to use, but he never grabs it while we’re intimate and when he does try to use it, he fumbles with it and decides not to use it and that me doing oral on him would just be easier. I can understand that for a quickie, we won’t have time to find what buttons to push that’ll make me finish, but most of the time we’re home alone, my roommates are out, and we’ve got all night.

And before anyone says anything: I have brought this up before. First time was what led him to buying the toy. It’s a good toy, I guess, but it does what my fingers would already do and he never takes the time to learn how to use it properly without hurting me. Second time I brought it up, he got really apologetic and asked me to use the toy while he touched himself next to me. I think that was the first time I finished in proximity to his body in our entire relationship. It didn’t feel good. Several friends pushed me to talk to him again, so I did.

I went to his place, Jake lives with his mom still, and I was trying to find a good place to talk to him, but he kept talking about work or his sisters or would turn on an anime that he knew I liked. The day ended with me giving him oral and then me going home. It almost seemed like he was going to reciprocate, but he hesitated and rolled off me. It really hurt my feelings, but I chickened out of telling him since he looked so happy to spend time with me.

Yesterday, he came over and I was finally able to squeeze in a joke about him being a “pillow princess” and his reaction was to get worked up and initiate sex to “prove” he wasn’t. It went the same as every other time - oral - him receiving, fumbling with toy, and then giving up. But he was smiling like he had done something revolutionary in our relationship and I just. Stared at him. He asked me what was wrong and I said hadn’t finished. He had a sad face now and said that there really wasn’t “much I can do while you’re, you know” while gesturing to my genitals.

I felt like crying, but I didn’t want to be the boyfriend who started crying over every little thing, so I just agreed with him and we cuddled until I drove him home. Before meeting Jake, sex was never a large part of any of my relationships. Half because I’m on the asexual spectrum, half because of my condition, so this would be my first serious sexual relationship. I love Jake, I love him so much, he was there for my when my mom passed away last year, and he was there for my college graduation.

On the drive back, he was really quiet so I asked him if he was alright. He said he was really hurt by my pillow Princess comment and asked me if I could take it back, that it made him feel like a bad boyfriend. I apologized for him feeling bad, but I didn’t outright take back what I said. He got out of my car still sad and I returned home feeling like k was gonna throw up.

So now I’m writing this to see if I fucked up. Maybe I should have been more assertive with my needs, maybe I should be more compromising so that everyone feels good. Idk.

TL;DR: I called my boyfriend a pillow Princess because he’s never made me finish during sex while I’m always serving him. He got upset and said I was calling him a bad boyfriend. Aita?

#aita #am i the asshole

[halfmoth-halfman]

prologue

You’ve never been inside the famous club, The 141.

i. it's a new day, it's a new life

This isn’t where you expected to end up—stuck in some rundown motel with nothing but the clothes on your back.

ii. a collection of strangers (a series of secrets)

You can only describe them the same way you can the rest of the club’s workers—stunning.

iii. no proof except my silver tongue

You’ve never been to this side of town at night.

iv. the night was young (and so were we)

Surveying the competition turns out to be code for going on a club crawl and getting obscenely drunk.

v. she works hard for the money (so you better treat her right)

You don’t know what to expect from shopping with Valeria.

vi. would you give the devil this dance

You can’t let yourself be haunted by your past forever, and, unsure as you are, you know one thing to be true: You’ve never felt safer than you do around him.

vii. wise men say, only fools rush in

In the following weeks, you learn one very important thing: John Price is a relentless flirt.

viii. but i can't help failing in love with you

You don’t know how you feel as you kiss him. It’s a combination of emotions you haven’t felt in so long: relief, desire, comfort, joy. They all swirl together into the one emotion you’ve been chasing since your wedding. Safe.

ix. the rumor burned straight through the town (and as it grew, so did her vow)

Kyle doesn’t think much of you the day you first walk into the club.

x. everybody thought the truth had been caught (her reputation began to drown)

You haven’t looked at your wedding photo in years.

xi. screaming birds sound an awful lot like singing

Everything you’ve experienced in the past four months pales in comparison to how your heart shatters at this moment.

xii. it won't cost you much (just a single drop of blood)

Who knew rock bottom looked like standing before a wall of mirrors in a bespoke wedding gown?

xiii. little girl gone

You’re shocked into consciousness, startling awake in a pile of plush blankets and cloud-soft pillows.

xiv. nothing makes me weak now (you better run for your life)

The news of Price’s arrest—of your alleged murder—sends you into a state of shock.

xv. won't forgive what you did (i've never hurt anyone, now it's time)

They float somewhere between too compliant and too afraid, like they’re scared you may snap at any given moment. Whether they worry it’ll be in anger or anguish, you don’t know. Price is the worst of them all.

xvi. what you'll see is the worst me (I will ask you for mercy)

The nights are the hardest.

xvii. for if i'm going down i guess i'll take you with me

By the end of the week, the plan is set.

xviii. i'm free darlin' (i revenge, i revenge)

Your world is engulfed in fire and blood.

epilogue. it's a new dawn, a new day, a new life (and i'm feeling good)

The beginning of the rest of your life starts with a single, admittedly awkward, therapy appointment. 

Extras

karma is a cat purring on my lap

The cat is a wretched creature made of a vicious hatred that could rival only the Devil himself.

my personal hcs for canary

canary's dresses

canary's wedding dresses

canary and adler headcanons

how the 141 makes their money

how the gangs run their businesses

random designer dress headcanons

alternate ending ideas

songs used for chapter titles

soap hcs + canary and price children hcs

canary + 141 age headcanons

#modern warfare masterlist #fic masterlists #captain john price x reader #captain price x reader #john price x reader #price x reader

[melodygatesauthor]

Save Us

Moon Boys X f!Reader

Summary: Two months after Marc broke up with you, you get a late night call from Steven that has you worried and rushing to help them. It's hard to face them again after things went wrong, but Marc is going to try and make it up to you.

Tags/Warnings: NSFW, Marc is kinda toxic, Marc needs therapy, Marc has issues, Marc needs a hug, THIS STORY IS ANGSTY, may be triggering if you've been in a toxic relationship before, sad, smut, p in v creampie, argument, breakup, exes to lovers trope, soft dom Steven, sorry in advance, no physical abuse

Major Trigger Warning: this story explores themes of emotional abuse. It was very self indulgent. If you’ve been a victim of emotional abuse (or are sensitive to topics like this) then this may be upsetting to you. You’ve been warned. I seriously went the full self indulgent route with this one. Had to work some personal stuff out and it helped!

Word Count: 9.9k (What in the...)

You were awoken in the dead of night to your phone vibrating loudly on the end table at your bedside. You groaned, sitting up and looking at the screen. Clear as day, it said, My Boys🌙. You still needed to change their name in your phone, or completely block their number. It rang until it went to voicemail, but that’s when you saw that there were seven missed calls.

You hadn’t heard from any of them in the two months since Marc had broken up with you, and now they’d called you seven times. It rang again, this time you jumped up and grabbed it immediately. You didn’t want to talk to them, but you knew it must be serious for one of them to be actually calling you. 

“H-hello? Hello?” You cleared your throat.

“Dove? Darling?” You heard Steven on the other end and you let out an exhale.

You weren’t ready to deal with Marc, but Steven…at first you were relieved it was him, but the more you thought about it, Steven was worse. Steven might be able to convince you to come back.

“Is everything ok?” You asked, feeling your chest already tighten at the tone of his voice.

“No, no I’m afraid it’s not.” He was sobbing. You felt your own eyes start welling up. “We need your help.”

“Are you in danger? What’s wrong?” You tried to keep the panic down in your voice.

“I…I think I’m a little drunk, but we’re sobering up.” You could hear it now that he’d mentioned it, the slurring of his words as he spoke. “I haven’t been in the front in a long time, it’s always Marc, he won’t…oh my…he won’t let Jake or me out. We’ve been trapped in there.”

“Ok, you need to tell me where you are, right now.” You demanded.

“I’m outside of a…” You heard him pull the phone away from his face.

“Hey, watch it!” Steven yelled.

You heard some scuffling, followed by some Spanish slurs, before the phone was picked up again.

“Mi princesa.” Jake said. “We’re at the corner of Elm and Main, at a place called Tiko’s. I can feel Marc trying to take over again…por favor, querida, we need you.”

The line went dead. It was rare that Jake uttered the words por favor, or we need you. Steven’s cries would remain burned into your memory for an eternity. He cried when you’d left too, and you still hadn’t forgotten the pain. It was all you thought about as you got yourself dressed and headed for their location. You knew right where it was, it was where you and Marc had first met.

------------------------

It was also where he went just before he broke up with you. He’d come home, wasted, completely obliterated and crying. It was constant, and you were sick of it. He refused to go to therapy, said it was for nutjobs, and he didn’t want them drugging him up. You understood, you sympathized, but instead you were stuck trying to handle his terrible self-loathing attitude, and toxic behavior.

“Why don’t you just fucking leave then? Huh? If you’re not happy then why don’t you just go!” His mouth turned into a hard line, his brow furrowed.

That was always his go to line whenever things got tough. Always telling you to leave if you didn’t like it. You sometimes wondered why he even asked you out in the first place if this is how he was.

“Ok Marc, is that really what you want? You want me to leave? Fine…you say it every time we fight so you know what, I’ll go then.”

The two of you had moved in together a year ago, but you moved in to his place, so almost everything was his, Steven’s and Jake’s. The TV that had a purple spot in the corner when you turned it on from the time Marc threw one of Steven’s books at it in a fit of rage; the stool at the breakfast bar that had a wobbly leg from the time Marc pushed it over while he was drunk and yelling at you; and the dresser in the bedroom that had a broken drawer from when he punched it, it was all his.

It was heartbreaking to walk away from the other two though. They didn’t have anything to do with it. When Marc backed out, retreating to the headspace, too upset to handle the pressure, Jake came out. That was the final straw. He couldn’t even be bothered to have a conversation with his girlfriend after berating her for over an hour. He did it time and time again, and this time…you’d had enough.

“Princesa, please don’t go.” Jake said, walking up to you quickly while you started filling a bag with clothes.

“Jake.” You pulled your arm back quickly when he grabbed it.

“Cariño.” He grabbed your arm again.

“No!” You yelled a little too loudly in your apartment. “I’m done Jake. I can’t do this. You want someone to blame? Blame Marc.”

Jake was never one to give up easily, so he must’ve been able to tell how serious you were when he let go of your arm again and forfeited the body to Steven. The bastard, he knew that of the three, Steven would be the one to get you to stay. He’d done it time and time again. Always telling you that he’d confront Marc himself and that he’d work on making Marc be better for the four of you, but even Steven couldn’t help Marc, you were convinced at this point that no one could.

“Darling please,” there came the waterworks. Even when it wasn’t your fault, Steven made you feel guilty. “He’s gotten a little better, yeah? Look…”

You were still filling your bag with clothes while Steven walked to the kitchen and came back with a card.

“He got you this for your birthday.” He held the birthday card in his hand like it was supposed to be the one thing stitching the relationship together. “I didn’t even have to remind him! He did it on his own!”

You stopped, holding a pair of jeans in your hands. You looked at Steven. He was desperate. His eyes were glossed over while he tried to keep it together. You remembered when Marc got you that card, it was the day after a fight, and he felt guilty. He only ever did anything nice when he felt guilty the next day, never when it really counted.

“They’re both assholes for putting you through this.” You said, feeling yourself choking up. “I can’t do this anymore Steven, Marc doesn’t want me here, and I don’t want to be here.”

“But he’s nice sometimes, look he also…” Steven was scrambling around the apartment.

You walked to the bathroom and grabbed your toothbrush and other personal care items. When you looked in the mirror, you noticed your saddened face and realized how much you’d been crying. You’d probably been crying for at least an hour. You wiped your cheeks and went back out to the bedroom where Steven was standing with a vase.

“He got you this vase, remember when you were sick and he went and got you flowers?” Steven asked. You saw his eyebrows raise in an attempt to look happier, but they were fighting to furrow.

“Steven, please go.” You grabbed the vase and put it in the bathroom trash. “You know he only got me those because I had just complained the day before about how he never does anything nice for me? He only does something nice after I’ve complained about it.”

“I can’t just go.” He looked like a lost puppy trying to get you to keep him. “They’re both just out, quiet, I wish I could leave.”

You sighed, wiping your face and sniffling, “then they’re both fucked for doing that to you. You don’t need to be here, dealing with this. Marc is selfish, and…that’s it! He’s selfish! He’s the one who did this, he’s the one who should be here. He’s a fucking coward.”

You threw the bathroom items in your bag and then zipped it.

“Tell Marc I’ll have my brother come back for the rest of my things.” You grabbed your purse and pulled out your keys.

“Sweetheart, love, please!” Steven raised his voice, cracking under the weight of sorrow.

You turned around, “I’m so so sorry baby. I really am.” You said through your own strained voice. “You deserve better than what he’s putting you through, and so do I, I wish I could help you.”

------------------------

With that, and one last look at Steven’s broken face and waterfall of tears, you slammed the door and never looked back, until now, when you were turning the corner on the street to find Jake leaned against the building, smoking a cigarette. You got out of the car and pulled your jacket around yourself tighter. You felt like an idiot for coming back after what Marc put you through, but there you were. You reminded yourself that you weren’t there for Marc, you were there for Jake and for Steven.

“Jake, come on.” You said, waving him over.

“Oh, hermosa, I missed you.” He winked as he walked over to you. He was stinking of alcohol and smoke.

“Put that thing out.” You grabbed it from his lips and dropped it, crushing the butt under your shoe. “Let’s go.” You took his hand, to which he pulled you in close.

“You are as beautiful as the day you left, perhaps even more.” He cupped your cheek and leaned in to kiss you but you pulled back.

“I didn’t come here to get back together with you, I came back to get you home in one piece.” You pushed him back, and he stumbled and fell.

He shook his head, “Wha-oh right, I’m here and…” Steven looked up at you, it always amazed you how different each of them looked regardless of the fact that they shared the same body. “Oh my…love!”

Steven stood up and couldn’t hide the smile plastered on his drunken face. He gripped your shoulders before pulling you in for a hug. He wasn’t going to try and kiss you like Jake had, he was too respectful of your boundaries to do anything like that. Even when you were dating, he always respected your personal space.

“We really got ourselves in a predicament, yeah? Well…” He chuckled, “Marc did. I’m sure that doesn’t surprise you.”

“I need you to just get in the car, we can talk on the way back to your place.” You said, urging him into the vehicle.

When you got in on your side you let out a heavy sigh and put the car in drive before heading toward their apartment. The streetlights afforded you a split second of light before fading into darkness again. The radio was off, leaving nothing but silence. You heard Steven sniffle, fighting back the urge to cry.

“Tell me what happened, why did you call? I made it very clear-”

“Marc isn’t letting me or Jake out, it’s just headspace all day every day. He’s destroying us.” Steven said, choking on his words. “I don’t know when the last time we ate something proper was. I’m so hungry.” He pressed a hand to his stomach.

“Do you have food at the house?” You asked, pulling down a different road.

“Y-yeah I think he’s got a few things…I don’t know.” He said, laying his head back. “I missed you.” He was crying again, “I’m sorry, I said I wasn’t going to do this before I called you.”

“It’s fine. I’m…I’m glad you called me, Steven.” You said, keeping your eyes on the road.

“We had a lot of time to think after you left, and…he really didn’t deserve you, I never should’ve asked you to stay. I’m so sorry.” Just when Steven’s cries became overwhelmingly loud, they stopped suddenly, and you knew it was Jake coming back. You’d grown to know them so well that you could tell the differences between the way they each breathed when they were upset.

“Keep him in there please, at all costs.” You said coldly, trying to keep your composure.

“Si.” Was all he said. You knew he understood.

Steven wasn’t a child, and didn’t need to be treated like one, but he was much more sensitive than the other two, and you knew that he was living a nightmare having to see you and go through this, and having you just within arm’s reach, but not being able to really have you. He had been a passenger in Marc’s path of destruction, just like you had, the only difference was that you could walk away, Steven just had to suffer in there and you felt terrible for him and Jake both.

“Marc has completely taken over. Saw a girl at the bar tonight though who kinda looked like you and then he went loco, yelled at her, he was so drunk, and then he went away.” You watched him pull a cigarette pack from his pocket. “Steven was so happy to be out, he just ran outside and knew he had to call you to get you to help. Something about that girl must’ve knocked Marc back.”

“You’re smoking again? I thought you quit.” You grabbed the pack and threw it into the back seat.

“It’s Marc’s pack.” He explained, dropping his hands on his lap. You could tell you irritated him.

Marc wasn’t a smoker. At least, he hadn’t been while you were together. Jake had been, but insisted on quitting after getting to know you.

“What has he been doing?” You asked as you pulled onto their street.

“Nothing.” Jake was aggravated. “He’s been doing absolutely fucking nothing except destroying himself and dragging us down with him.” He let out a heavy sigh. “I’ve been in there for two months, dos.” He held up two fingers to emphasize his point.

“I’m sorry.” Was all you said, you didn’t know what else you could say. 

“I’m not mad at you, Cariño, I could never be mad at you.” He said calmly as you pulled into the driveway.

“Jake…” You put the car in park. “Did he hurt anyone?”

“No, no one except you, and Steven.” He said softly.

“And you. You might not be showing it but, I know you’re feeling it too.” You said quietly. He always stayed quiet about his feelings, but he wasn’t emotionless, he was just less expressive.

His hand reached over and grabbed yours.

“You have always been so caring, querida.” You tried to keep it inside, but a smirk played at the corners of your mouth, Jake was always so smooth.

“Please stop.” You pulled your hand out from under his and opened the door quickly.

If you’d let his hand linger, you’d be inclined to lean into it, and you couldn’t allow yourself to do that. You damned yourself for even being there in the first place. You still had the key to their apartment and opened the door so the slightly staggering Jake could make his way inside. You made sure to lock it tightly and returned your keys to your pocket before helping Jake get to a chair at the table.

“Here.” You opened the fridge, only to find…nothing.

There were about two tablespoons of butter, opened, several sauce packets strewn about, a moldy tomato, and about three-twelve packs of beer. You took note that one of the twelve packs was down a few beers. You let out a heavy sigh.

“Guess he’s living on air and beer then?” You slammed the fridge closed.

“There’s some ramen I think, in the cupboard.” Jake said, letting out a huff. “Steven would appreciate the taste of food you know…”

“Think he can handle it?” You opened the cupboard and found some packages of dried noodles. “Being here with me?”

“He’s calmed down. I think he will be ok.” And with that, Jake was gone.

“I’m fine.” Steven said, sucking in a deep breath. “Really.”

You grabbed some water from the tap and handed it to Steven whose hands were trembling. He drank from the cup in big gulps, when he finished it, you poured him some more.

“Let me make you something to eat.” You said, turning to the cupboards.

There wasn’t one pan that you could use. They were all in the sink, or on the stove, and they were all dirty. Of course this couldn’t just be easy.

“He usually just microwaves somethin’, or eats the noodles dry.” You groaned at Steven’s words.

“I…nevermind.” You wanted to say how frustrated you were to be there trying to make food for them, and running into every obstacle along the way, but you decided not to dump that on Steven.

Instead you ran the hot water and grabbed the sponge. You soaked it and then started washing the dishes, lathering soap on each one in silence, knowing Steven’s eyes were on your back. You felt saddened by the memories flooding through your head, thinking about all the times you’d been at the sink doing the dishes for them before.

------------------------

There was one time when Steven was fronting and he was sitting at the table while you did dishes after dinner, and he was going on about some Egyptian God you couldn’t remember the name of now. You were smiling in this memory, unable to suppress the joy that came to you while listening to him chattering on about his passions. When you’d finished scrubbing and turned to look at him. He was absolutely beaming, and so were you. You were…happy then.

“How did we get so lucky?” He asked, standing up and walking over to you.

He put his hands on your waist and kissed your forehead.

“Well, Jake’s a smooth talker, you’re thoughtful and sweet and Marc…” you trailed off.

You and Marc had never seen eye to eye. He was always pushing you away. Always telling you how he should just disappear and let Jake and Steven have the body so that you could be happy. But that wasn’t what you wanted, at least, that’s what you told him. You wondered what made you fall for him in the first place sometimes, but that didn’t matter now, you loved him, right?

“Marc what?” You watched his entire body language change, and he let go of you, stepping back. He chuckled, “hard to find anything to huh? What do I keep telling you?”

You groaned, wishing that he would’ve just let you and Steven have a nice evening, but you’d struck a nerve, and Marc loved to fight. He liked to make you feel bad, at least that’s how it felt, and then leave right when you pushed too far so that Jake or Steven were left to pick up the pieces. You tried to be understanding, you knew he had trauma, but sometimes he was just cruel.

“Please don’t start, Marc, not tonight I’m exhausted.” You walked toward the bedroom and he followed, hot on your heels.

“No! Don’t you walk away from me…!” He said your name with venom laced around each letter, “we never get to talk, the other two always get the best of you and then when I come in, you…you just walk away!”

You pressed your lips together tightly in frustration.

“Are you suggesting that when I see you, Marc, that you give me the best version of yourself? Hm? Because from the way I see it, every time you’re fronting, you treat me like you don’t fucking want me here!” You felt your eyes starting to gloss over. “Not to mention, you say I’m an ass for walking away? You always retreat into the headspace every single time we argue!”

“You ever think that maybe I actually don’t want you here? How many times have I told you to leave? If I treat you so badly, then just go!” He yelled.

“Why can’t you just stop being an asshole and then I don’t have to leave?! I don’t want to go Marc, I want you to love me and treat me like you want me around!” Now you couldn’t stop the dam from flooding over. Tears were coming down, and fast, and you knew it was only a matter of time before Marc dipped out. “I love you, I don’t want to go.”

“No, you don’t love me, you love Steven, and Jake, but not me.” He said, and his words were followed by silence that hung heavily in the air.

He was right, and you weren’t going to say it out loud, but he was right. When you’d first met them, it was just Marc at first. He was sweet, caring, he treated you like a princess. The more you got to know the boys, the more you grew to love them all, and the longer you were together, the more Marc started to push you away. Because you deserved better than him, and he was no good for you, or at least that’s what he said.

------------------------

That was the moment you’d realized you really didn’t love Marc anymore. You still held him in your heart, but the spark wasn’t there. Instead it was replaced with an anxiousness that pooled in your gut like a bad meal. You turned and looked at Steven once you’d finished the dishes. He was staring up at you from the chair with those big eyes you loved so much.

“Let me get this food going before he takes over again.” You grabbed one of the pots you cleaned and filled it with water before putting it on the stove.

When you turned around, Steven was standing with his hands balled into nervous fists at his sides, eyes trained on the floor. He did that when he wanted to say something but knew he shouldn’t. You put a hand on his shoulder and he relaxed a little bit and met your gaze.

“What is it?” You asked. “Talk to me?”

“No, nope, I’m, I’m fine.” He said, pressing his lips together tightly.

“Steven, it’s three am, I drove over here to help you, I washed the dishes and now I’m cooking you food. I think you can talk to me.” You said firmly.

He let out an exhale, “I miss you s’all.”

“I know, I miss you too. I just can’t…I can’t…”

“I know. I hate him too.” Steven looked agitated, more agitated than you’d seen him in a long time.

------------------------

The last time he was this bold regarding Marc was that same night, right after Marc had accused you of not loving him. After dropping those words on you, he left, letting Steven have you, the blubbering crying mess, that he’d left behind. It wasn’t the first time that you cried because of Marc, and each time chipped away at Steven more and more until he’d had enough too.

“Love,” he rushed over to you, pulling you in tightly, letting you soak his shirt for the umpteenth time, “you know if I could hit him, I would.”

You didn’t respond, you just sobbed into Steven’s chest, trying to let yourself be soothed by the gentle way he rubbed your back. You liked the way he smelled, the way they all smelled, and you kissed his chest just above where your tears had soaked his shirt.

“I love you, Steven, and I love Marc too.” You said, unsure whether you were trying to convince him or yourself, or maybe you were trying to convince the man hiding inside his own head.

“I know darling, I think he knows, he just gets caught up in his own head sometimes.” He chuckled, “well, I guess all three of us do.”

That forced a small amused breath to escape you. The air already felt lighter, and you were starting to cope with the emotional turmoil Marc had put you through. This was how it always went, Marc would start a fight, you’d be left with Steven or Jake, and slowly your emotions would come back to normal with the help of his alters just in time for him to break you down again. It was a never ending cycle.

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” You murmured, pulling back. “Steven, I love you, I love all three of you but-“

He silenced you with his lips over yours.

“That’s enough of that.” He said in a forceful but quiet tone. “I’ll keep him in there if I have to, I’m not letting him push you away from us.”

You wanted to believe him, and you wished he’d been able to do it, but he couldn’t. That didn’t stop him from seizing the moment while he had it though, pulling you in for soft kisses and entangled tongues. Steven’s favorite body part was your breasts, that’s how you could tell sometimes if the boys switched mid session. One time Jake had taken over while Steven was buried in your chest and immediately began squeezing your rear.

Not now though, now Steven was dragging your shirt up while he trekked his hand over your abdomen on his way to squeeze your rounded mound. You gasped a heated moan into his mouth, wrapping your arms around his neck and entangling your fingers into his curls. The supporting hand on your back gripped tightly, pulling you in so hard you thought you might melt into one being.

“I love you, Steven.” You said, going in for more breathy kisses.

“I love you too darling.” He started slowly pushing you backward until the backs of your knees met the mattress.

You fell back, chest heaving. Steven was ripping off Marc’s jacket and shirt and you were quick to get your top off as well. He preferred you leave in your bra, he said he liked to take it off himself. Something about the way they looked when he unclasped the strap in the back, you didn’t fully understand, but you didn’t argue either.

“Wow…” he said, looking down at you. “You’re so beautiful, dove.”

You felt the heat rise to your cheeks. You were sure you looked frightful, eyes puffy from tears, makeup streamed down your face, but Steven always told you how pretty you were, no matter what. He was good at that. He climbed over you, hovering his body closely over yours. You felt the peak of his erection pressing onto your leg through his pants.

“Oh, Steven…” you moaned, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling his lips to yours in deep, bruising kisses.

He was grinding himself on your leg, moaning every time he opened his mouth over yours in another wet and messy kiss. Supporting himself on one elbow, he reached around your back and unhooked your bra with one hand before disconnecting your lips to look at your chest. When he pulled the bra up over your arms, he stared in awe at your tits, wasting no more time before latching his mouth over one of them.

“Oh, f-fuck.” You stammered, gripping the back of his head.

One of his hands ran up your abdomen and grabbed your other nipple, pinching it between his fingers. You arched your back, pushing your chest further into his face and hand. You felt him gently churning his hips and grinding into you. He was sloppily sucking on your peak, covering your tit in his saliva.

“Mm, feels good baby.” You groaned, rolling your hips upward, wishing you’d taken your pants off before this.

Steven, who you’d thought would be the most timid when it came to sex, became silently demanding in the bedroom when it came to what you were and weren’t allowed to do. He liked to be the one to undress you, and he liked to be the one who started the physical piece. He liked to take his time, making you yearn until you nearly exploded the moment he entered you.

He leaned back. The shadow of his erection was oh so apparent in his sweats. It took everything inside of you not to sit forward and grab it. Steven’s little curl fell in front of his eyes, and he didn’t bother to brush it away as he unbuttoned your jeans and tugged them off.

“Oh love, look you’ve soaked straight through your little panties there.” He leaned over, burying his face in the fabric of your underpants and inhaling deeply. His pussy drunken eyes, hooded and dark, peered over your mound at you. “I’m just going to have a little taste, darling…just a little…” 

He moved your panties to the side and ran his tongue along your slit, flicking sharply once he got to your clit. A gasp escaped your lips as you shifted your hips forward toward Steven’s face. He pressed a large hand on your abdomen, holding you down.

“Sh-shit.” You gripped the sheets tightly.

Steven, despite Jake’s overall skill in the bedroom, was the best at eating pussy. The way his tongue glided over each part of your cunt, and the way he slurped and groaned to your taste like he was savoring each drop made you lose your mind. He knew to put a hand down to keep you in place, otherwise your hips would force him off the bed completely. He looked up at you, eyes dark and hungry, before looking back down at his work. You tangled one of your hands into his hair, urging him on.

“Mm, Steven you always know just…oh shit…just what to do baby.” You cooed, tugging at his curls

If there was one way to help you get over a fight with Marc, this was it, and Steven and Jake knew that. They’d fuck you until you could hardly walk and then cuddle you while you fell asleep.

------------------------

Steven was quiet now while you finished making the ramen noodles. You had to keep your back to him while you cooked, otherwise you were going to break down and fall into bed with him and that wouldn’t be good for either of you. Now that you were finished, he was sitting at the table again. You put the noodle bowl in front of him with a fork.

“I hope you like it.” You said genuinely.

Steven looked up at you, “it’s wonderful love, really.”

Steven seemed happy, at least, somewhat, to be getting some food in his stomach, even if it wasn’t the most nutritious. You wondered if he’d had the chance to enjoy any sort of meal since Marc had taken over, but from the way he and Jaked talked, this was the first time either of them had been out in a long time.

You kept trying to convince yourself that you didn’t care about Marc, but a big part of you was curious as to why he took over the boy all that time. The other part of you already kind of knew.

“He really has been fronting this whole time? Why?” You walked over and sat at the table across from Steven.

Steven shrugged, “you know him, he likes to suffer, thinks he’s some kind of hero if he takes the pain himself. A bit messed up innit? Usually once the pain part is over, I come out yeah? Not anymore, the pain part never ends. It’s just…he’s always hurtin’.”

“I’m surprised that Jake hasn’t taken over, when things get really tough, he’s usually right there, ready to deal with it.” You idly picked at a tear in the tablecloth.

“I think Jake likes watching Marc…well…destroy himself.” He stuffed some noodles in his mouth. Steven was probably the only person in the world who could talk with a mouthful that didn’t make you frustrated with their poor manners. “Problem is, it’s destroying us too, and I don’t want to die.” He gulped. “S’why I called you. I thought if anyone could help, it would be you.”

“I’m glad I could help get you home, but I’m…I’m not staying Steven.” The room got quiet again.

He reached a hand across the table and put it over yours. You should’ve stopped him. You should’ve pulled away and told him to cut the crap, but his hand, his gentle and soft hand made you feel warm. Nausea swept through you as you recalled more about your time with the boys.

------------------------

Marc was smiling from across the table at you, holding your hand tightly. You were smiling too. It had been a perfect night. It was New Year’s Eve, and you’d both decided to stay in, and spend it with each other. It was three nights before the breakup, three nights before he finally brought you to the breaking point. He laughed at a silly joke you made, and now he just looked at you with those eyes.

That’s why you’d fallen in love with Marc. He had a way of making you feel like you were the most important thing in the world to him. In fact, you were so important to him that he felt like you were better off without him. He had a troubled past, he didn’t hide that. He eased into telling you about the boys, afraid of scaring you off, but he told you about his mother and about his brother before you’d met the other two. In fact, knowing about his trauma was the only reason you didn’t call him crazy and leave when he told you about Jake and Steven.

He got up and leaned over the table, placing a peck on your forehead. He grabbed your plates and walked over to the sink, turning on the faucet to wash the dishes. Your phone buzzed. It was your brother.

Joe: Hey! I’m going to be in town tomorrow, is it cool if I come over?

“Oh, Joe is asking if he can come over tomorrow.” You paused. “Should be fine right?”

The dishes clanked in the sink and the faucet stopped. Not again, you thought.

“You act different when your brother is here.” He said, turning around and wiping his hands on a towel.

“He’s my brother, of course I act different with him than I do with-”

“No, I mean…you treat me different when he’s around.” He slapped the dish towel on the counter and walked to the living room.

You buried your face in your hands. It was a simple question. Can your brother come over tomorrow? There was no reason to say no, in fact, you only asked out of courtesy. It was a way of making sure you weren’t interfering with some unknown plans. Steven or Jake would’ve just said, of course, with some term of endearment attached to the end.

The night would be even worse if you didn’t follow Marc to the living room, so you got up and went to him. He was back to, staring out the window.

“Marc, I don’t want to fight with you, I’ll just text him and-”

“Yep, just tell him that your nutjob, douchebag boyfriend doesn’t want you around your family.” He said, keeping himself turned away from you. “Make me out to be the bad guy. You’re good at that.”

“Alright you know what? I’m not doing this, Marc.” You threw your arms up before walking to the door and grabbing your keys out of the change bowl.

“Yeah? So you’re just going to leave then?” He turned and looked at you now. “Good, it’s probably for the best.”

“Fuck you.” You slammed the door behind yourself.

You’d gone down to the parking lot and started your car but you didn’t leave yet. You just sat there, crying for a bit, thinking even more about what he’d said, you act different when your brother is here. You hated to admit when Marc was right, but you did act differently toward him. In fact, you downright avoided him. He and your brother didn’t always see eye to eye, and you hadn’t exactly told Joe about Marc’s…condition, so it wasn’t like one of the boys could take his place; Besides, you were sure that would’ve upset Marc even more, you asking one of them to replace him around your family. It would’ve made him feel even more inferior than he already did.

You further hated to admit that he didn’t deserve that. To do that would seem like you were ashamed of him. Like he was your little secret. The saddest thing though, was that it wasn’t the mental disorder that you were trying to hide from your brother, it was the way that Marc acted when your brother was around. You weren’t the only one that acted different with him around.

You laughed a lot, and joked with Joe, and you assumed Marc was probably jealous that you didn’t joke with him the same way, as though you hadn’t been close with your brother your entire life. So Marc would call Joe a punk and try to one-up him in almost everything, and it exhausted you.

While you sat there in your car, furious and thinking about what to do next, you surmised it must’ve been what Marc felt like, when he left the apartment in a huff, on the nights he didn’t hide behind the other two, and he went to the bar instead. You figured that if it worked for him, it would work for you, but you’d forgotten how busy it would be. You’d forgotten for a moment that it was New Year’s Eve.

That made it easier though. People were happy to buy you drinks, seeing that you’d walked into the bar in tears. Some guy offered to take you home, but you denied him, telling him you had three boyfriends waiting for you, to which he raised his eyebrows as if impressed and laughed. When you saw one of them out of the corner of your eye charging into the bar like he owned the place, you groaned.

The well dressed man in a paperboy cap and tie walked over, grabbing your arm.

“Come on, princesa.” You pulled back.

“Jake! I want to stay for one more song!” You shouted over the music.

“No, it’s time to go-”

You covered his mouth in a quick but gentle kiss, “por favor mi amor?” You asked as sweetly as you could.

Jake rolled his eyes, but you knew he couldn’t resist an opportunity to dance with you, especially not when you talked to him like that. A smile spread across his face as he wrapped his arms around your waist. Dancing with Jake was more like foreplay than it was dancing. It always started facing each other. His hips would gently churn against you while you stood as close as you possibly could to him, chest to chest. His lips hardly left yours, and when they did, they instead found purchase on your neck.

The dancing always ended with your rear pressed against his erection while he dry humped you to the rhythm of the song. His leather covered fingers were around your throat while he kissed the side of your neck and cheek tenderly, drawing moans from you that couldn’t be heard over the music. By the time you finally agreed to leave, you were drunk, and a single finger stroke away from a full body, earth quaking orgasm.

You’d driven far, at least a half hour from home, giving Jake more than enough time to stick his hand in your pants while he drove and circle the smooth gloved fingers over your swollen clit. You were already so wet, he slid around easily. You gripped the door handle when you reached climax, moaning and gasping under his touch.

It didn’t stop there though, it never was that simple with Jake. He was going to give it to you when you got home. You’d been teasing his cock all night, running your hand over it through his nice pants. He would give you hell later for ruining them, as though he actually cared. As though he didn’t have ten more pairs at home.

Something about Jake made you feel different than the other two. You wanted to act out, you wanted to be the biggest brat you could just to see how far he’d push you back. The back and forth with Jake was fun though, it always ended in at least one orgasm from both of you, and smiles before dozing off. You were his little brat, and he adored putting you in your place.

That night was no different. You stumbled inside, he chased after you, closing the door with his foot. You were already removing your jacket.

“Get naked for me, cariño, papi will be in to check on you soon.” He said, giving you that smirk that caused your knees to buckle.

You went into the bedroom and wasted no time at all stripping down completely naked except for your panties. Jake always wanted you to keep your panties on, especially if they were wet. You sat at the end of the bed, waiting for him to come in. Be still your beating heart when he did.

His hat was off, likely resting on the coat hanger by the door, his jacket had been discarded as well. He was the most well dressed of the three, and boy did he make you drool standing there like that. His tie was loosened. His button down shirt was rolled up exposing his strong forearms and hands. He wiped his mouth, you were in awe watching the veins in his hands shift under the skin. He was one of the few men you’d seen that could make suspenders sexy.

“Princesa, you know that’s not how I like to see you…” He smirked at you again, an evil but playful grin.

You rolled over on your stomach and then up on all fours, presenting your rear to him proudly. He cooed about how beautiful your ass looked with a thin lacy fabric wedged between your cheeks. He brushed his bare palm over one of them and then smacked it gently. You heard the shuffling of his clothes being removed, along with the clanking from the metal on his belt. 

The bed shifted when you felt him get behind you. His finger hooked under the waistband of your panties and slid down, pulling them out of your crack.

“Oh, look at you hermosa.” He used his other hand to feel around between your folds, drawing soft whines from you. “Did you like teasing me? Hm?”

“Yes, papi.” You groaned, lowering your head to the mattress and angling your rear up higher for him.

“You had a rough night, so I’ll go easy on you cariño.” He said, dropping his tie in front of your face.

You knew what to do. You put it around your neck, feeling the soft fabric against your throat, and then reached back, handing him the excess. You felt it tighten under his grip as he pulled back. Jake would never harm you, but he loved to hurt you. Sometimes he’d leave little bite marks that Steven would obsessively rub disinfectant over the next day. Other times he’d leave bruises on your waist from how hard he squeezed and fucked into you.

You’d teased him so much at the bar that he didn’t spend as much time on foreplay as he usually did, and instead kept your head level by tugging on his tie, and getting you in position to ravage you. Sliding into you was easy, you’d been ready since your orgasm in the car. He had one hand, squeezing on your hip that would periodically slap your asscheek and then go back in for a bruising hold over you.

“Si, princesa, you feel so tight, so…mmm.” He could usually last a long time, but you’d spent quite a while rubbing his cock on the dance floor, and he couldn’t hold out.

In truth you didn’t need Jake to last long though, the way he moved he always made you come, every single time. Almost every single time. On the few times he didn’t, he wasn’t afraid to get down behind you and eat his spend out of you while flicking his tongue over your sensitive bundle of nerves until you were gripping the sheets and begging for him to stop.

------------------------

You pulled your hand back from Steven’s, feeling a pang of guilt for holding it so long. You didn’t want to give him the wrong idea. As soon as your fingers left his, you saw the color leave his face. He dropped his fork and he leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Marc.” You said quietly.

He said your name coldly. He was fairly sober at this point. You watched his throat bob as he swallowed harshly. He reached for the glass of water and gulped some down. He was surprisingly gentle when he put the cup back down. You’d expected him to slam it.

“Didn’t think I’d ever see you again.” He said. “But I guess now that I’m here, it’s time for you to leave right?”

“Marc, you told me to go. Remember?” You were already resisting your fight or flight response kicking in.

“Didn’t actually think you would go.” He sighed and shook his head. “Probably for the best, right?”

“Never better.” You slid your chair out, standing up.

“You look good…baby.” He said.

“Goodbye, Marc.” You weren’t going to do this…not again.

You’d almost made it to the door. Your hand felt the draft through the broken trim on the doorframe from when Marc pulled it open too harshly so many times. You felt his hand…usually he just let you walk away, but his hand touched yours and you couldn’t stop yourself from turning to face him.

“Marc why are you doing this…please just-”

He closed the tense space between you, covering your mouth in his over and over until you felt like you might collapse. Part of you still tried to pull back, but it was pointless, not because he was holding on too tightly, but because you weren’t trying all that hard. You’d given in to his tender touch, his desperation, his need to keep you.

All you’d thought about all night were the bad times, but there were some good ones too, and they came flooding in while he kissed you, one soft peck after another.

------------------------

You were sitting at the bar the night you’d met, alone, and the handsome man in a forest-green shirt sat down next to you. He caught your eye immediately with his gorgeous smile and the way his eyes wrinkled when he laughed. You were completely enamored from the moment you laid eyes on Marc, entranced by his very being. The two of you drank far too much, and shared far too much that night.

You weren’t one to put out on the first date, nor when it was your first time talking to someone, but you’d made an exception for Marc. You found yourself at his place that night, listening to him coo about how beautiful you were with his face buried in your neck. He was so sweet, gentle, and kind, you wanted to be around him more and more.

Your second date, a real date, was at a restaurant you both hadn’t been to, but talked about wanting to try through your texts. It was the worst food you’d ever had, but sneaking into the bathroom to get fucked over the sink was worth the time and money spent on the bad meal.

It was more than just the sex though, of course that was great, but it was the way Marc really made you feel like you could be yourself around him. He held your hand everywhere you went, as though you were a prize and he’d won and wanted to show you off. When you agreed to be his girlfriend he started looking for excuses to say it. He would call to order pizza and say, yes, for my half I’d like pepperoni and my girlfriend would like the other half with just cheese, please.

So on the nights that he got destructive, it made things even harder. You knew where it was all coming from. Guilt. He felt like you were too good for him, so he had the, push her away before she can push me away, and the, she’s not going to leave on her own so I need to make her leave, mentality. The good times made the bad times feel that much worse, and made it that much harder to walk away when it got really rough.

No matter what he’d thrown at you, you were willing to work through it with him, if only he’d let you. It was when the other two started coming around that things got really tough for Marc, seeing the way you were with them, how you smiled, and the way they made you so happy. For him, you assumed, it made him feel even more like he wasn’t good enough for you. He was jealous, full of hatred for his own shortcomings and unable to get over the pain he brought upon himself. If only he would’ve just talked to you, instead of pushing you away, you wouldn’t be in the position you were in right then.

------------------------

You couldn’t help giving in though, letting him peel off your clothing layer by layer until you were in just your panties, and he was completely undressed, pressed up against you in the bed. Steven was your selfless lover, the one who treated sex like an artform, savoring every single piece of your body as though it were sacred. Jake was your rough and tough beatdown guy who always knew when you needed to be put in your place, but Marc…Marc knew you.

He knew just how to suck on your neck to get you whining and whimpering in ways that the other two could never dream of. He knew just what to say to make you squirm underneath him, begging for more. He kissed you deeply now, feeling around in your soaking wet panties for your clit, circling over it when he found it. You groaned into his mouth.

“Oh wow, baby, so fuckin’ wet.” He said, sliding a finger into your hole easily. “Can’t believe how soaked you are just for me.”

You arched your back, gasping, “oh, shit, Marc.” You wrapped both arms around his neck.

“Tell me how good that feels, tell me baby…” He begged, desperate for your words of praise.

“It feels so…oh shit…you feel so good.” You kept your eyes locked on his while you said it.

He covered your mouth in bruising kiss after bruising kiss while he shoved another finger into your wet cunt. You tangled your fingers into his curls, reveling in the way his moans deepend under your touch. He was so warm and familiar, no matter how much you hated yourself for giving in to him, you couldn’t deny how wonderful Marc felt while he fingered you.

“I want you…” You said, the desperation in your tone pissed you off, but you didn’t care.

“You do?” He asked in between kisses.

“Yes.” You breathed.

Normally, Marc would get you off twice, once with his mouth, fingers, and one time he got you off with his thigh, and then the second time he would get you off was by fucking you until you couldn’t see straight. Tonight he was so glad to have you there, you could tell by how he acted, that he didn’t second guess your request. He wasn’t going to make you wait to feel him inside of you. You could probably ask him for the moon right now and he’d hand it over to you.

He pulled his fingers from you and immediately stuck them between your lips. His eyes rolled back, Marc loved having his fingers sucked on while he fucked into you. You felt his cock glide to your hole.

“I wanna hear you tell me how my dick feels when I fuck you, baby.” He took his fingers from your mouth to guide himself into your cunt.

Your head flew back, nearly hitting the headboard when he finally thrust himself into you. It took you a moment to come down from the initial wave that jolted through your body. While Steven and Jake were usually fixated on breasts or ass, Marc was stuck with his mouth on your neck, leaving bruising hickeys and forcing pained groans from your lips. You wished he was terrible in bed, at least then you would’ve been able to resist him.

“Tell me baby, say it, please.” Marc was so needy, so desperate for your words, but you weren’t going to give them to him.

“No.” You said in a moan.

He didn’t even look at you, he just kept pushing into you, faster and harder, as though he could fuck the words from your mouth. You liked when Marc got a little rough with you. When Jake was rough, it was methodical, controlled, and intentional; When Marc got rough, he was jagged, unpredictable, and downright messy. He would huff while his skin smacked against yours in repetition, voice becoming more and more wrecked with each thrust.

“You’re gonna play this game, huh?” He lifted his head up and looked at you, lips pressed together tightly, dark brow furrowed.

“Yeah, yeah I am.” You spat back. His hand reached up and gripped your throat. “You gonna start fucking choking me now?”

“As if you need another reason to hate me.” He said between thrusts.

You never expected that more fighting would do you in, that that would be what got you there, but it did. Your body was heating, pooling within your core. You leaned your head back, arched your body upward, you were so close. Then all at once you were empty, Marc pulled out of you, but kept his eyes trained on yours, and his hand around your throat. Asshole.

“Tell me how bad you want it, and maybe I’ll keep going.” He was breathing heavily.

“No.” You whacked his arm away and tried to get up.

You were on the edge of the bed, almost pressing the ball of your foot to the cool wood floor when Marc’s arm wrapped around your waist and pulled you back against his chest. Instinctively you’d spread your legs over his knees. His erection was prodding between your folds. You felt his chest rising and falling against your spine. One of his hands pinched your nipple while the other guided his cock back into your cunt.

“Tell me.” He said softly.

From this position he could easily tease your clit while he fucked upward into you. This angle made him feel deeper, like he filled every bit of your channel, all the way until he couldn’t go any further. You rolled your head back over his shoulder. You hated how intimate this position felt, but you loved how it made your entire body burn.

“F-feels good…” You were practically drooling, and when he started sucking on your neck it was even worse.

“I wanna hear you, keep going.” He grunted and groaned while he kept thrusting into your tight, wet hole.

“You…oh shit…you fuck me so good, please don’t stop.” You begged, nearly crying with the need to feel yourself crashing over his girth.

“That’s right, yeah…” He continued circling his fingers over your swollen clit. “You gonna come for me babe?”

“Yes, yes, please don’t stop M-Marc it feels, oh baby it’s so…” It was coming back again, the heat, the tingling that turned you into a ragdoll.

You felt Marc’s thick cock harden inside of you, and you knew he wasn’t going to deny you this time. His arms tightened and his fingertips pinched your nipple almost to an unbearable point of agony. His other fingers didn’t stop circling though, drawing your orgasm out of you in soft circular motions. You were a panting, crying mess while your walls clamped down over him, and he was no different, groaning and grunting into your ear while he shot his hot spend into you.

“Fuck, baby.” He said as he started coming down from his orgasm.

Once you were both done, and your mind was stabilizing once more, you felt nothing but hatred for yourself, and guilt for what the other two may have witnessed from the headspace. You were sure that Jake knew, but you’d hoped that Steven had managed to get some rest. Without looking back at Marc, trying to avoid your shame, you went to the bathroom and cleaned yourself up. When you looked in the mirror, you were disgusted with the woman looking back. You promised yourself you would never do this, you thought.

When you came back out, Steven was looking back, wearing nothing but his sweats. You sucked in a deep breath, feeling only sorrow. This was it…the point in the road where you had to choose, and you weren’t sure you were strong enough to make that decision, so you were glad when the boys chose for you.

“He…erm…he knows.” Steven said softly. You heard his voice cracking.

“He knows what?” You asked.

“He knows that you have to go, and that you aren’t coming back.” Steven pulled a shirt over his torso. “I’d rather you didn’t go, I’d rather he go but…”

“He can’t.” You helped him finish his sentence.

“Right.” His bottom lip began to quiver.

You knew that the part of Marc that loved you wouldn’t allow for him to completely give up the body while you were present, and therefore the two of you would always be at each other’s throats. You couldn’t have Steven and Jake without Marc, because Marc couldn’t stay away, he just couldn’t, and so you, for your own sake, had to go, and never come back.

“I really am going to miss you, Steven, and Jake.” You walked up and placed a kiss on Steven’s tear stained cheek. “And you too Marc.”

You didn’t turn back around when you left, you didn’t check to make sure that they were ok, you just put your clothes back on, grabbed your keys, and walked out the door. You weren’t sure if your visit to them would have left them saved, or if Marc would continue to spiral and destroy them all, but you couldn’t stay, that much you knew for sure, no matter how much it pained you to go.

You had to do what was best for you for once, even if it nearly killed you.

AO3 LINK

TAGLIST (please let me know if you would like to be added or removed): @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction, @my-secret-shame, @thatmomwitchfriend, @alexxavicry, @welcometostayingawake, @jake-g-lockley, @campingwiththecharmings, @steven-grants-world, @lia275, @minigirl87, @ahookedheroespureheart, @ninebluehearts, @in-between-the-cafes

#moon knight #moon knight fanfiction #fanfiction #moon #knight #moon knight fic #moon knight smut #marc spector #marc spector smut #marc spector fic #marc spector headcanon #marc #spector #jake lockley #steven grant #marc spector fanfiction #marc spector x you #marc spector x reader #marc spector fiction #Steven grant #steven grant fanfiction #steven grant fic #steven grant headcanon #steven grant fiction #steven #grant #steven grant smut #jake lockley x reader #jake lockley x you #jake lockley fiction

[idolomantises]

I think I’m gonna discuss this once and hopefully never have to bring it up again. Originally I wanted to talk about it on Twitter but people are very disrespectful when it comes to mental health so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Basically, I haven’t been doing so great, mentally. Nothing bad has happened to me, I’m safe and surrounded by people I care about, and it’s been like that for months. I just, I haven’t been feeling good.

For people who do follow me on accounts like Twitter and Instagram, you may have noticed I haven’t posted anything new since January. I was struggling to feel motivated to make something for my main accounts despite having countless ideas I’d love to work on. I feel better now and do plan on getting something done in March, but that sudden lack of motivation is pretty rare for me. Art is not only my job but a big hobby for me, I just love drawing. I did get some nsfw art done at least.

I don’t know what really prompted my mental health decline, I’ve been getting a few worried messages and fanart because someone insulted my art. But that didn’t hurt me at all, it actually boosted my account and patreon.

I guess I just… got sad?

I have a really bad tendency to suppress and even ignore my trauma and feelings of guilt. And I guess one day I really sat with my thoughts and I just, lost it I guess. I have so much traumatic memories and sudden and intense feelings of self loathing, something I’ve never felt in almost a decade, that it got overwhelming. I couldn’t reassure myself, I couldn’t really talk to anyone about it because how do you confront things that happened years ago? You feel almost irrational. It’s just memories that haunt you, it’s nothing physical or tangible and yet it’s a crushing feeling of anxiety, self hatred and resentment.

I was crying almost every day, and crying so much that my eyes kept hurting long after I was done, and I could barely see my own screen. I’ve had paranoid thoughts about myself and others, thoughts I can’t get into because they’re so deeply irrational. I was feeling suicidal urges and thoughts of self harm. I don’t see myself doing it, but it’s so frequent and overwhelming it’s like I’m already planning my suicide note.

I was talking to my therapist about it, that I was starting to hate being alive. That I hated living. That I could spend the next 50 years of my life with no more conflict or trauma and I’d still be in intense misery and turmoil. They’re feelings I couldn’t really bring myself to tell friends about because what could they say? How do you calm yourself down and reassure yourself. I can’t even talk about my trauma verbally without crying. And it’s funny because sometimes minor irks started to affect me negatively. I was feeling anxious about what to draw because I didn’t want to do deal with homophobic backlash.

I went to a therapist, I talked to friends, Ive been working out more and eating better, I did everything I should do to improve my mental health and all of a sudden a single night just sitting in my room destroyed everything I was slowly building up over the past 5 years.

It’s been really difficult for me. I think also, I just felt so much guilt over not being the best person I could be. I decided to lessen my online usage, not just for my mental health but because I really wanted to work on being a better person. I want to stop hating myself and letting my trauma push me down and I want to do just be better and do better as a person. A lot of people have been very forgiving and kind to me but I don’t feel like it’s enough and I want to do more and I want to feel better about myself. I want to give everything I can to people around me. I’ve been going to therapy a lot more lately and things are getting better for me, but it’s been a very slow process.

I just want to repeat that nothing serious has happened to me. Nobody attacked me in a way that negatively affected my health. A lot of people, friends and strangers have been really nice to me these past few months. I just was doing a lot of self reflecting and unintentionally forced myself to confront a lot of my trauma. I’m saying trauma a lot. I don’t want to get into depth about what I endured because it’s my business but people who do know me know how bad things were for me. I don’t want to feel like that again. I want to feel better, and I want to do better.

Sorry for the long read. That’s just how I feel.

#txt #suicide tw #self harm tw #I was very hesitant to discuss this because whenever I talk about mental health it leans into #one side. who are super well meaning but feel obligated to make sure that I’m okay. like I’m their responsibility when I’m just a stranger #online and my thoughts and feelings should never make someone feel like they have to ‘protect’ me #and another side who sees me purposefully be vague about some of the things I discuss like trauma and regret #and just construct their own narrative and get mad at me for it #at this point I’m just too tired to care about the potential backlash of the latter #if you read all this and think I’m saying I did nothing wrong and everyone is bad except for me that’s your fantasy you get to live in #I just want to be honest about my thoughts and feelings

[succubus-interactivefiction]

It’s been six years since the horror you experienced while camping with your friends just after college graduation. Six years since a maniac tore through the campground killing everyone they encountered and in the end only you and one other remained. You don’t remember what exactly happened towards the end, your therapist says that you blocked it all out, but when the authorities finally arrived they found you and your girlfriend barricaded in one of the small cabins half starved and huddled together to fight the cold.

It took years of therapy before you managed to finally put the worst of it behind you and move on. Unfortunately your girlfriend was not able to manage the same and was sent to a psychiatric hospital after she attempted to kill her neighbor. Since then you have not heard anything from her being blocked from seeing or speaking to her for both your sakes.

Now, six years later, you have moved to a small town hidden away deep in the mountains after acing the interview of a lifetime. Your new employer has big plans for the small town of Rock Gate and it is up to you as one of the new locations heads of staff to help see it through. For almost four years you have helped to oversee the massive expansion into the area, but it’s starting again. People are dying.

Overnight the town is cut off from the outside world, the murder rate skyrockets, and the town panics. Friends and neighbors turn on each other as they seek someone to blame. The residents see danger in every shadow and everything spirals out of control. While everyone around you panics, something inside you solidifies and you realize that you are not afraid, you have survived before, and you will again.

Play as a Cis or Trans woman, with full customization over your physical appearance, your wardrobe, which kind of vehicle you drive, and even what kind of weapon you use to survive.

Explore a town driven to darkness by a killer and try to survive the chaos.

Discover the supernatural world hidden beneath the skin of civilization as the madness drives its inhabitants from the shadows.

Find romance amidst the insanity with one of several ROs.

Learn the truth about what happened six years ago.

Fight, Kill, Survive

Jannie Smith | Your Ex 🚩 The only other survivor of the massacre six years ago, you haven’t seen Jannie in five years, not since she was locked away from the world after attempting to kill her neighbor during a flashback. So when she shows up in Rock Gate working as a barista it comes as the shock of a lifetime. Despite the time apart she seems to still be infatuated with you and you quickly learn that despite her pleasant exterior something much darker is lurking within her soul, something that may be your undoing. Appearance: Jannie is rather tall for a woman coming in at 6’5” and now has an athletic physique, whereas she was very lanky six years ago. Naturally dark blond she prefers to keep her waist length hair dyed a deep, almost blood red. Her green eyes always seem to twinkle when she sees you, but remain dead when she has to interact with others, and you only ever see her smile when you are close, her strangely long canines prominently visible when she does. Tropes: Second Chance, Bad Girl, I Have a Secret, Red Flag

Kory Kane | Your Boss Rigid, cold, and uncompromising, your boss is regarded with fear at best, and hatred at worst, by most of your co-workers. Kory never has a nice thing to say for a job well done, expecting every employee to simply do their job. She tends to keep her life outside of work private from everyone else but after a chance run-in with her outside of the bounds of your job you learn that she is a caring, if somewhat restrained individual. Appearance: Coming in at a diminutive 5’2” Kory is easily the shortest of your co-workers, which probably contributes to her workplace attitude. Her make-up is always perfect, her shoulder length salt and pepper hair is always immaculate and held in a tight bun when at work, and she always wears perfectly fitted suits on the job. Her beautiful hazel eyes rarely show any emotion but when she gets the chance to talk about her hobbies they seem to light up the room. Tropes: Friends-to-Lovers, Fucking the Boss, Forbidden Love

Devon Low | Your Co-worker The bane of your existence, your worst enemy, a never ending nightmare. Devon Low has been nothing but trouble for you since the new office opened. It seems like she hated you from the very moment you met and has done little to change that impression in the four years the site has been operating. Normally a sweet, good natured woman when interacting with everyone other than yourself her attitude turns completely frosty as soon as she notices you in the room. Appearance: With her curvy build, bright smile, and hip length pink hair Devon is the office darling. Her deep, ocean blue eyes seem to take in far more than others can see and she sometimes appears distracted by things you can not witness. Devon tends to wear more casual attire that hugs her 5’11” body and despite your bosses repeated attempts to have her appear more professional Devon has resisted every attempt. Tropes: Enemies-to-Lovers, Opposites Attract, Childhood Sweethearts

Laura Kingston | Your Neighbor 🚩 Born and raised in Rock Gate, Laura has been your neighbor since you moved to town for work. From the moment she showed up at your door with a smile and freshly baked cookies the two of you have been the best of friends, spending nearly every free moment together. It’s not uncommon for one of you to simply walk into the other's home without knocking, or to pick the other up from work for lunch. You have yet to tell Laura about what happened to you six years ago but she has witnessed several of your issues with PTSD and has guessed that something happened, but has yet to ask. Appearance: Laura is one of the more unique people you know with her pin-up sense of style, odd eyes, tiny frame, and pointed ears. Standing at 5’7” Laura is always ready with a smile and a kind word to cheer you up. Her heterochromatic purple and blue eyes seem to be constantly twinkling with mischief from behind the fringe of her bright blue pin-up hairstyle. Laura has more tattoos and piercings than anyone else in town which sets her apart even more. Tropes: Friends-to-Lovers, Forbidden Romance, Paranormal Romance

#happy succubus #the final girl if #final girl #slasher if #slasher #writing interactive fiction #interactive fiction #writing #red flag ros #horror #horror story #trans #transgender #trans ro #lesbian #lesbian romance #twine #twine story #twine interactive fiction

[dragonfly0808]

The Sibling Squad (Roxy’s Crew)

This particular thingy was something I came up with at some point at the very end of s1/very beginning of s2 (which is why the ages were retconned every so slightly at this point and Shirley didn’t start at Cloud Tower till season 3).

This is something I was very excited about and, even if very few of you care, I thought I might let you take a peek into my brain and see why I chose the siblings I chose for Roxy’s squad and what each one of them kinda represents/is a foil for.

I’ll go in the order that they were introduced in the series.

Starting off with!!!! Shirley.

I chose Shirley after building up her personality and I feel like she fits flawlessly in as the oldest of the squad. One reason I really wanted her there is for being a witch, to have a good witch tm (and also a fairy-witch romance but that’s neither here nor there) to show off the differences in the way they work.

Of course, there’s also the fact that Shirley has been really dependent on Riven for most her life and, aside from her brother, she’s been pretty much on her own and she’s also the youngest of her coven, so I thought that the dynamic of her suddenly being the oldest of a group she loves and feels responsible for could be very interesting.

Shirley is very protective, she wants to be the protector and not the protected when it comes to this squad, and I thought that could be a cool thing to explore, even if it’s more implied/observed than anything else.

I chose Shirley to be, perhaps not the leader, but the oldest and most protective of the group. You could say she’s almost the Stella of the group… but obviously not really.

Next up, Alexa. Alexa is Brandon’s little sister and I think I’d mentioned previously that she’s ever so slightly inspired by Alisson Argent from Teen Wolf, cause I loved her growing up and it just kinda fit with the character I pictured for Brandon’s sister.

I haven’t gotten to explore Alexa very much, I think she’s probably the least ‘known’ and with less ‘screentime’ in the sibling squad. I did however have her establish kinda what her main goal is in her first appearance in s4, that being to carve out her own place in Red Fountain and not just be recognized for her brother.

She wants to be her own person and, whilst she is incredibly proud of her brother, she doesn’t want to live in his shadow, thus why, she picks the bow as her main weapon, since her brother never excelled in that area, he was only ever ‘okay’ with the bow.

Alexa is probably one of the more outgoing in the group, she is very extroverted and she’s unapolagetic about who she is and what she wants. She grew up with Stella and Sky and learned a lot from both of them on how to just keep going and, just by watching them and her brother, she knows how to deal with different people.

Alexa is a leader, ambitious yet kind, and she will be (at least in battle) the leader of the sibling squad.

Then there’s Naten, who I think is one of the most beloved OC in the series.

Naten is the glue and heart of the group I feel, a farm boy with a heart of gold and more love than he knows what to do with.

He’s a jokester who hides a lot of his complexity behind his soft exterior. It’s not something he really does on purpose, he just doesn’t care how people may think of him or if they underestimate him for liking to joke around.

Like I’ve mentioned before he’s a bit of a jack of all trades and if there are 2 things that define him in Red Fountain it’s his versatility and his dedication. In his character moodboard, I mention that he has dyspraxia, and, despite having occupational therapy with his mom, who also has dyspraxia, he still struggles with it, so he tends to practice a lot to completely master every technique he can in Red Fountain.

Naten has layers, but his main traits are his dedication/stuborness and his love.

^All of them were introduced and had their personalities kinda written in profiles before I even had the idea for the sibling squad, so their ‘roles’ in the group felt very organic to me and were mostly happy coincidences. 

The final two are the ones that were written already knowing that they would be a part of this group.

I loved coming up with my version of Chimera. Making her a vulnerable, insecure girl and having her almost be a foil to Stella was just… ugh, light bulb moment for me, truly.

If you payed attention last chapter you may have noticed that Chimera seems to be getting more powerful. A lot of it is thanks to Stella giving her the staff but it’s also thanks to Chimera constantly practicing to be better.

Chimera has a dual role in the group. First, she’s the tank, the one with the power crawl that’ll eventually be a force to be reckoned with. She may seem a bit overpowered this last chapter but it was a very calm situation in which she had full control and already knew the environment and had created similar illusions there before, it wouldn’t exactly be the same in a fight.

Second, she’s the quiet one. She’s naturally introverted and a quite shy/socially awkward. Traits that were made worse after Valtor’s curse.

She’s 1 of the 2 introverts to balance out all the extroverts. She’s the studious one, the soft spoken one, that doesn’t always know how to stand her ground.

She’s also the one who was the loneliest and most isolated before joining the group, she feels a bit insecure about her spot in the group and is just happy to be included.

She’s learning to be a part of the group and is terrified of losing them.

Finally, the one I know you’ve all been waiting for, even though she isn’t technically a sibling, Roxy.

Roxy is the last to join the squad, and she’s the one who will truly bring them together. Cause, at the moment Alexa and Naten are the closest, and the others are more friendly than besties.

Roxy will be the missing piece to fully pull the group together.

Roxy will be the catalyst for the squad to truly become their own thing, to go from being the Sibling Squad, to Roxy’s Crew.

I won’t explain Roxy as much as the others since she’s already gotten a lot more screentime in 10 chapters than the others have had in 3 seasons.

Finally, some of you may or may not wonder why the whole Naten/Chimera mutual crush.

That’s mostly cause it’s cute and I came up with it on the spot when planning out their summer chronicle.

Then I truly stopped to think about it and realized once more, I am a fucking genius.

Chimera is insecure and doesn’t think much of herself, she’s working on herself and being true to herself, it’s logical she’d fall for a soft boy, a boy who wears his heart on his sleeve and is unapologetic about who he is.

Naten has more heart than anything else, yes, he at first glance, falls for Chimera’s looks (which by the way I thought it’d be adorable to have him fall for her first for her looks when Chimera has never felt pretty) and then he falls for yet another soft soul that is trying to be true. Who is just as dedicated as he is. 

They’re both triers. Both kids who have to practice time and time again because they don’t have natural talent, but they have an insane amount of determination. That’s something they can understand about each other.

So, going in age order; Shirley is the oldest and the protector.

Naten is the glue.

Chimera is the tank and the quiet one.

Alexa is the leader.

And Roxy is the missing piece.

And I… am very excited to explore them further and… their very first, full appearance, all 5 of them together will be in just two chapters, in chapter 17!!!

#Veiled wings anniversary #veiled wings and shattered panoramas #winx club #winx rewrite #winx #winx headcannon #winx fanfic #winx headcanons #winx roxy #winx chimera #winx club rewrite

[zetrystan]

Trigger warnings (in text form): drowning, suicidal allusions, suicidal thoughts, self harm. __ Since I’m 13, I’ve been having suicidal thoughts and what seems to be depression (undiagnosed). The need to kill myself is usually always present in the back of my mind, but manageable enough. Sadly, periodically, I’m drowned in a wave of depression that I can’t manage at all. Since this month of May, I’ve been absent online as I was not mentally stable enough to allow myself any kind of trigger or surprise. It has been one of the hardest spikes of depression I ever got, and I even began to self harm again, something I haven’t done since I’m a teenager. I made plans, which is something that should raise all the red flags, and after isolating myself the most I could and letting time pass, I decided to give if another go, like I did before. The sense of shame with this is deep, but at that point, I hate myself so much that I’m almost becoming numb to it. I want to stay alive to not destroy the lives of people around me I care about. It’s a very, very, very stupid martyrdom, but it feels like one. I wanted to make a comic to exteriorize a bit how it feels. The first version was incredibly tacky. The second one was super cringey. This one is the toned down version, so hopefully it’s alright. On a last note, if you are yourself living through internal chaos like this, be cautious. Don’t make plans, and if you do, force yourself in a safe place and get rid of everything dangerous around you. Don’t write suicide letters or anything akin to that. Tell people you know about it, even if you think you annoy them (worst case, even if you do: so what?). Try to convince yourself to get therapy (I’m still at that step myself). Don’t do it, as even if you are suffering, you will only scatter the suffering to others who care about you and want to see you happy and with them. Let time pass: after a week, a month, a year, you will feel better. I know everything hurts, but you’ll manage. I managed it for 17 years, and I was only a kid.

#drawing #art #comic #suicide #suicidal thoughts #self harm #drowning

[canonicallyobserving911]

Several Sentences Sunday

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

Season 7 FANON FanFic: Buddie Multi-Chapter - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 29 will be posted soon.

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Currently 28 chapters completed: 1.77M Words; Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

___________

I'm excited to finish writing Chapter 29 because at the end of Chapter 28, it was early in the morning and Buck and Eddie were lying in bed having a serious conversation about whether Eddie's going to delay the pursuit of his second paramedic certification, the ACP-C. Buck doesn't want him to give up his dream, especially now since they know what caused Buck's bradycardia and he's on medication. He's doing better and even though he's still grieving, he believes once he passes the last two stages of grief, Frank may clear him to return to work but he's still not sure if he wants to go back to being a firefighter. Also, Eddie's FMLA ends on January 31, 2024 but the question is will he extend it or return to the 118?

Additionally, Chris is still dealing with one of his classmates lack of participation in their video game project and it's stressing him out. Furthermore, during their last group therapy session, Buck had a conversation with Captain Jeshan Mehta and he asked him if they could meet so he can get an objective viewpoint from someone about whether he could be a captain someday with the LAFD. He decided not to ask Bobby since he doesn't believe he'll give him an objective viewpoint because in September 2022, he told him he needed more life experience.

__________

Here's a snippet from Chapter 29 of one of Buck's and Eddie's early morning conversations about "New Beginnings".

___________

They’re in bed and since they’ve been talking for the last hour about a lot of different things, they’ve changed positions several times. Instead of facing each other, Buck’s lying on his back and Eddie’s covering the left side of Buck’s body with his own and his head is lying on top of his chest.  He’s listening to his heartbeat and it’s still one of the most beautiful sounds he’s ever heard.

While Buck’s lightly tracing his fingertips up and down Eddie’s back, he remembers the conversation they had in Philadelphia and since they haven’t discussed it since then, he decides now is a good time to bring it up again.

“Babe?”

Eddie hums, “Hmm?”

“Uh… do you think we should talk about the house in San Gimignano?”

He nods because it’s a subject they need to discuss especially since Angelo said he would contact them in early February.  “Yes, I believe we should.”

“How do you feel about us buying it?  I—I mean I’m asking because when we discussed it while we were in Philly, you suggested we withdraw our bid but we haven’t revisited that conversation.  Do you um… still feel the same way?”

He lifts his head and replies, “No, I don’t want to withdraw our bid anymore because you were right, the white noise is loud as hell right now and we need to get out of L.A. for an entire month.  We’re all looking forward to it including the boys… all three of them.  It’s just, with all the logistics, I’m wondering how we’ll navigate the entire process from here and when I made the list, I thought about us contacting Tim and Sandra…”  He trails off when Buck’s eyebrows go up.

“You remember them don’t you?”

Does Buck remember Tim and Sandra? 👀

If so, does he remember what they do for a living?

Why is Eddie suggesting they call them for help with "New Beginnings"?

___________

Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it.  But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

__________

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago.  They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial.  But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories.  Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie.  It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.

Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.

Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?

Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.

Chapter 16 - As Buck and Eddie begin to prepare for their marriage ceremony that will take place in Rome, Italy in December 2023, they start planning their first international adventure as a romantic couple. Even though Chris is still the only person they’ve told about their relationship, several people who know them have already witnessed the love they share and as the days continue, others will witness it too.

Chapter 17 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to departing Los Angeles for their international adventure, a moment in time will remind them; life is fragile, tomorrow isn’t promised and every second of everyday should be cherished because everything can change in an instant. The result of that realization will cause them to hold onto each other even more.

Chapter 18 - As Buck, Eddie and Chris prepare for family gatherings before and during the Thanksgiving holiday, the “Santa Ana Winds” start to blow and all sorts of expected and unexpected familial drama ensues.

Chapter 19 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to their wedding day, the universe begins to align everything so that some of their parent and children's relationships are strengthened while others come to an abrupt end.

Chapter 20 - With only 14 days remaining until Buck, Eddie and Chris depart Los Angeles, CA traveling to Rome, Italy, for their first family adventure, an early morning conversation about “tying up loose ends” helps Buck and Eddie realize there are still several things left unfinished on their ‘To Do’ lists. The question is will there be enough time to complete all of them?

Chapter 21 - Buck, Eddie and Chris are finalizing their ‘To Do’ Lists, double checking their itineraries and packing their suitcases in preparation for their trip to Europe so they can board their flight that departs Los Angeles, CA on Friday, December 15, 2023 at 3:25PM.

Chapter 22 - While Buck, Eddie and Chris spend the first 8 days of their European family adventure in Italy, their primary reason for going will be fulfilled as well as several others they hadn’t considered or anticipated.

Chapter 23 - As the Diaz Family continues their Italian family adventure, they’ll say, “Ciao” or hello and goodbye to a lot of things almost immediately after they become an official and legal family.

Chapter 24 - After Buck, Eddie and Chris arrive in London, England on December 24th; the Diazes immediately start preparing to spend their first family Christmas together. During their stay, each of them will hear a few choice words that will be the life raft to get them home to complete their searches to be seen and to be found.

Chapter 25 - After spending more than two weeks in Europe, Eddie, Buck and Chris are back in Los Angeles and they’re getting ready to attend Maddie and Chimney’s New Year’s Eve party. During the event, they have plans to make two surprise announcements but the question is, who’s really going to be surprised, the Diaz family or their found family at the 118?

Chapter 26 - Buck and Eddie are once again faced with their greatest fear of losing each other but this time it could be permanent and if it is, then they won’t be able to spend the rest of their lives together.

Chapter 27 - After Buck resumes therapy, he’ll continue to face the fact that he “DIED” in March 2023 and during those sessions, he’ll learn about the 7 stages of grief. As he continues his healing journey, Eddie will be right by his side just like he promised and the Diaz family will start to deal with their three minutes and seventeen seconds loss as a family.

Chapter 28 - Two years ago, Eddie was asked, “What are you afraid of?”; twice, once by Frank and once by Buck but he only answered one of them without deflecting. Since that time, he’s been to therapy and him and Buck got married but the question resurfaces when Frank asks Buck the same question and Buck asks it of Eddie for the second time. However, when Buck asks, his reasoning will be about something else entirely.

Chapter 29 - Will be posted soon.

__________

Read chapters 1-28 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family #The Diaz Family #Fanonwriter2023 on AO3 #911 on abc #911 abc #Hiatus Reading #Several Sentences Sunday #buddie wip #ao3 fanfic #buddie fanfic #911 fanfic

[joonslfttiddie]

Home

Chapter 37: I Need You...

💜Fic Pairing: OT7 x OFC

💜AU/Genre: Reverse Harem/Polyfidelity/AMBW

💜Warnings: Adult content/Adult language

💜Rating: MA

💜Word Count: 3331

Hybe Lawncare and Landscaping…how may I help you?

His voice alone makes me so wet, I don’t respond immediately, a mixture of lust, love, and nervousness takes my voice.

Hello?

“H-hi, Namjoon? This is Tia.”

I can hear shuffling in the background, like fabric rubbing together, then him whispering ‘damn, bro’.

“HEY! Hey, Tia…my bad, I dropped the phone.”

I can’t help but snicker at his cuteness before saying, “Are you busy? I can call back at a better time.”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’m not busy at all.”

“Oh okay. What are you up to?”

The guys, satisfied that we are finally speaking, drift away from the kitchen to do their own thing, leaving me to speak in private.

“Nothing much, just took a shower, getting ready to wind down for the night. What are you up to?”

“I’m actually about to go shower myself. I’ve just been sitting around since my therapy session earlier.”

“Oh yeah, how did it go? How are you feeling?”

We speak about my session, I disclose what I’ve been struggling with, and I fill him in about the nut that was stalking me. He was surprised about my situation, yet very empathetic. Having a stalker and going through this nightmare is not something I would typically share after just meeting someone, but I feel he deserves to know what he’s getting into. And if I’m being honest, he is not like a regular ‘someone’ and speaking to him, hearing his voice dripping with a protective tone makes me feel comfortable to share. There’s something about these men, including Namjoon, that makes me want to bare my soul to them, hiding nothing. I find comfort in the concern in his voice and answer any questions he has regarding the situation. 

“But enough about that.  How was the rest of your day?”

“It was good. I was able to get all of my business cards passed out, you know, leaving some on doors or in mailboxes, conversed with some potential clients, and even lined up some jobs.”

“Nice! That is a good day, indeed. How long have you been a landscaper?”

“Uh, not too long, actually. I left my executive position at a prominent company earlier this year. It just wasn’t for me anymore, you know?”

“Yeah, that makes sense. I’m glad you created an opportunity to leave,” I encourage him and find a chance to dig a little deeper. “Does your significant other support your decision?”

“Ha, that was smooth. Ummm, no…no she didn’t. We broke up a couple of years prior. She prioritized status, reputation, and money over my happiness and mental wellness.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“No, don’t be sorry. I’m not. Things between her and I hadn’t been good for a very long time. I think even me toying with the idea of changing my career was just the last straw, you know?”

“Absolutely, I get it.”

“So, Tia…what do you do?”

We speak a bit longer, getting the basic ‘get to know you’ questions out of the way before I admit that I’m wanting to see him. 

“I’m really enjoying talking to you. I can’t wait to see you again.”

“I’m enjoying talking to you as well. So, you know that I’m single. What about you? The men that are at your house, ummm…”

“Honestly, I don’t know if I’m single. I don’t feel single, but I also don’t feel like I’m not allowed to see other people. I guess it’s like an open relationship, but none of us have made anything official. We’re just kinda going with the flow of things. They are here now, I love them, we have sex, and I want them to stay. We haven’t talked about what this is just yet but I don’t mind answering any questions you may have, though. I like you, Namjoon, and I want you to know everything upfront before we go any further… IF you even want to go further. I mean, feel drawn to you and would love to see where things go but we come as a package deal. As I said before, I love talking to you and would like to see you again soon, but I understand if you need time to think this over.”

I know that this is a bold statement to make, seeing as I’ve only known these men for a short duration of time, but I feel it, deep within my soul that this thing is real. This supernatural connection between us is strong and the pull to these men feels like destiny. I take a deep breath awaiting his response, the short pause has me on edge and I find that I’m no longer breathing until he speaks again.

“I can be there in 45?”

With a huge, yet silent sigh I reply, “REALLY?! Are you sure? I mean, this is all so strange, even for me. I would completely understand if you think this is too much.”

Of course, some things never change, as I’m trying to give him an ‘out’ even though he’s making it known that he wants to try.

“It does seem unconventional, but I don’t think I’ve been more sure of anything in my entire life. This pull to you has surpassed me wanting you, I need you. I need to see you.”

“Okay! See you soon?”

“See you soon.”

After hanging up, I scramble up the stairs, falling up the last two.

“He’s coming! He’s coming over!”

I’m yelling out to the others and run into the bedroom to find Jungkook getting ready for work. Taehyung is sitting in the chair, which seems to be his favorite seat, talking to Jungkook and Jimin while carelessly browsing through his phone. Jungkook smiles at me, then starts to laugh, scrunching his nose in the cutest way. 

Taehyung laughs a similar amused laugh and whispers, “Cute.”

Jimin, standing in the doorway of the bathroom, takes me into his arms, halting my stride.

“Are you that excited, beautiful?”

“Yes, I am,” I say, not denying it, bouncing from excitement.

“What time is he coming?”

“Now,” I turn to answer Jungkook, Jimin now hugging me from behind. “He’s on his way but he lives 45 minutes away so I’ll still have time to shower.”

When I turn to look back up to Jimin, he brushes a few strands of hair from my forehead before placing a kiss there. My features are soft and relaxed, my eyes close lazily as his hands move down my face to gently pinch my cheeks. I mimic Jungkook’s nose scrunch, causing him to laugh then place a kiss on my lips. He then lets me go, guiding me past him and through the threshold of the bathroom by my wrist.

“Go get ready,” he says after smacking a firm hand to my ass.

“Yes, sir,” seductively drips from my lips, almost instinctively. The effect that simple statement has on Jimin is evident, from the way he bites his bottom lip to his eyes rolling back before closing shut.

When I begin to undress, all eyes immediately fall on me, which doesn’t make me nervous at all, but the butterflies in my stomach take flight anyway. Jungkook grabs his watch from the side table, and begins putting it on without looking down. Taehyung has turned to rest his chin on the arm of the chair, his arms dangling over the side, his phone swinging between the fingertips of his index finger and thumb. Jimin is still leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed against his chest while eyeing me hungrily. I continue to bare myself before ending the show by stepping into the shower, and the men continue with what they are doing. Before Jimin can walk too far away, I pop my head out and call out to him, “You coming?”

There is a darkness behind his eyes, as his smile spreads across his face, that I’ve not seen before but I’m determined to figure out what I need to do to see it again. When he is undressed, I open the door to invite him, AND the monster reaching up to his belly button, inside as steam billows out. The way his eyes examine every inch of me has me dripping in anticipation. As soon as he closes the door behind him, I pull him into me, receiving his warmth to my front to combat the heat from the water on my back. My arms hang lazily around his neck and his wrap around my back while we look into each other’s eyes.

“Are you intentionally trying me? You staring into my eyes like this just does something to me.”

“Something like what?”

He doesn’t have to say anything as his dick jumps against my stomach, the feeling igniting the burn in my belly. Tilting his head slightly and closing his eyes, Jimin takes my lips, pulling me tighter against his body and I allow my body to fall into him. This kiss is electrifying, sending chills from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet.

NAMJOON’S POV

Excitedly, I get dressed in casual house clothes. I had just gotten out of the shower and was getting ready for bed when she called. Unsure of what I should bring with me, I only grab my phone, wallet, and keys before setting out on this cool, night drive. 

Zooming down the interstate, I let the windows down to allow the wind to dry my still damp hair. Comfort fills my heart as I drive, the feeling of going home after being away for too long.

What’s funny is, I knew she wasn’t alone, even before she told me the guys were still there. I can’t explain it, but I could feel them...their presence. Is it weird that I don’t find it weird… the arrangement they have? Different, sure, but I don’t mind it. Me potentially being the fourth man in her life doesn’t bother me in the slightest, and with the way the others welcomed me earlier, it felt more inviting than basic hospitality.

I’m trying to stay under the speed limit but I can’t wait to get to her, to have her in my arms, and feel my lips on hers. It’s like I already know how they feel, how they taste, but I’m wanting more of the warmth I’ve never had. I’m imagining what she likes, her favorites…from food to candy, to movies, to music, to art, to sexual positions. How would she feel under the weight of me? Does she like it fast or slow? Can she handle all of me?

“Fuck.”

I really need to cool it and concentrate on the road instead of the different ways I’d like to contort Tia’s body into.

Taehyung’s POV

“Hey, how are you feeling? Did you get enough sleep today?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m good but I’ll grab an energy drink on my way. I’m glad this is my last night shift for a little while, though. I hate having to leave you guys,” Jungkook answers.

We chat comfortably for a bit as Jungkook gathers his things to leave.

“What do you have planned for the rest of the night? Tryna jump in with Jimin?”

I chuckle for a second before responding, “Nah… not tonight unless that’s what they want. I might watch, but I think Tia spending time with Jimin is important. Plus, Namjoon is on his way, so I may just chill with Jimin when he gets here, you know? Let them get acquainted.”

“This is crazy, isn’t it?” He looks at me with the brightest smile. “This thing we have with Tia, with each other…I never want to leave…Never want it to end.”

I know where he’s coming from and I feel the same way. Now that he mentions it, I think this may be the right time to ask about last night.

“So, I know we are all trying to figure out what we want this to be, but last night…”

“Yeah, things got a little heated, huh?” 

As if the thought hit him like a ton of bricks, he says, “Oh my God, I’m so sorry! Did I overstep, bro? I wasn’t thinking and just got caught in the moment. I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable, I just…”

“Jungkook…”

He stops his rambling, my voice pulling him out of his panic.

“...no, no, no. I didn’t feel uncomfortable and you didn’t overstep. It was amazing. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about, actually. I feel a similar connection to you and Jimin as I do with Tia. Does this make us bisexual? Pansexual? I’ve never done anything like this before.”

I take in a full breath and hold it there as Jungkook stands to look into my eyes, inches away from my face.

“Why do we have to put a label on it? Can’t we just love each other and talk about what we’re down for? Where our boundaries are? Let’s just do what makes us happy, huh?”

Jungkook’s arm snakes around the small of my back, pulling me closer to place a kiss on my lips. Then he pulls away slightly to peer at me again, making sure I was okay with the sudden contact but also awaiting my response.

“Yeah, I like that idea. We should come up with a safe word, too.”

“That sounds like a plan. Let’s discuss it with the others… tomorrow?”

“Okay,” I reply as he’s slowly releasing me. He pecks my lips again, then disappears into the bathroom for a few minutes. When he returns, he’s cheesing like a cheshire cat which has already piqued my interest, but when he shakes his head and continues down the stairs. I HAVE to know what is going on in there so I take a seat in my favorite chair after adjusting the angle just right, so that I can sit and watch, just as they close the shower door behind them.

Jungkook’s POV

After we all leave Tia to speak to Namjoon on the phone, I unfortunately have to start getting ready for work. We all may as well be living here as we rarely leave, except for work, and our clothes and other items are slowly accumulating, Tia finding a specific place for our stuff to go. Several of my uniforms are hanging in one of the guest bedrooms down the hall from the main bedroom. I'm also noticing how Tia has begun speaking, using ‘ours’ and ‘we’ a lot more often. 

I love the idea of this, of us all being in one place, but none of our places are large enough to accommodate everyone. I’m thinking of having a conversation with Tia being that I don’t want to assume anything. I want to make sure I’m not doing too much by being around everyday or having my things here. Yes, she pulled out extra toothbrushes and necessities for us and doesn’t seem to mind, but I just want to make sure.

As I’m getting dressed, Taehyung and Jimin keep me company while giving Tia her privacy to converse with Namjoon downstairs. We chat comfortably, like we’ve known each other for years… decades, even. Seated on the edge of the bed, I’m buttoning my last button when Jimin steps over to turn down my collar. Mindlessly, I place a hand on his hip, looking up into his angelic face. He is beautiful and I must admit, I am kind of attracted to him. His tenderness and care for me warms me from the inside. He licks his pillowy soft lips as he’s adjusting the last bit before stepping back to lean on the doorframe of the bathroom. My heart skips a beat and I’m wondering what this feeling could be.  

I’m lost in my thoughts when we hear our clumsy love stumbling up the stairs. We know she’s not hurt when she hops up and rushes into the room. I can’t hide the amusement on my face, watching her, so excited and childlike. I’m also not surprised at the bruises that pop up on her skin, as she’s always falling or bumping into things. If I could put her in a bubble or carry her in my pocket at all times, I would.

I wonder how long it will take to get used to this feeling of calm. With me usually being the jealous type, it’s foreign to be able to watch the woman I love snuggle up in the arms of another man, with nothing but mellowness and adoration in my heart. In a perfect world, I would be able to stay home with them, but I have to go ‘protect and serve’. I’m curious as to how things will go between Tia and Namjoon but I’m sure the guys will fill me in. I watch Jimin disappear into the bathroom behind Tia before I gather my things for work. 

Taehyung stops me, mentioning what happened between us last night, and I can completely understand why. I felt comfortable enough with him and Tia to do things I’ve never done…never thought I’d do, and things were intoxicating. I’ve never had any sexual experiences with men, but it just felt right in the moment. Honestly, it feels like I’m in a relationship with all of them, not just Tia. There is definitely a conversation we need to have, but until then, I’ve decided that, instead of searching for a category or label to place on what we have, that I will go with the flow and float along in our happiness.

Kissing Taehyung has become almost second nature. While he is older than me, there is something about him that makes him appear small. Maybe it’s the feeling of his slim waist in my arms or the way his body molds onto mine. Is it the way he looks at me or the way he melts when our lips touch? I don’t know, but I love it. 

After tossing my backpack on, I go to say goodbye to Tia and Jimin. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to guess what those two are up to in the shower, I know they are having sex. But when I walk into the bathroom and see their movements in sync, their wet bodies caressing against each other, the way they hold onto each other as if their lives depended on how close they can get, portions of their figures hidden behind the steam that has formed on the glass shower… the vision is simply breathtaking. I wait for the moment they notice me there, not wanting to interrupt and not wanting them to stop.

“JK, is it time for you to go already?” Tia pulls away from Jimin, wiping the steam with the palm of her hand.

“Sadly, yes. I just wanted to tell you guys goodbye before I left. Sorry for interrupting.”

“No! You’re not interrupting. I would have been sad when we got out to find you’d gone without saying anything,” Jimin admits.

I step closer when Tia opens the door, letting clouds of steam, the scent of her vanilla body wash, and sex to escape. She steps out onto the bath mat, water traveling down her amber brown-colored, smooth skin to drip onto the floor. Fuck! If I wasn’t on duty, I would love to lick every droplet from her flesh. With my thumb, I brush a few beads of water from her now rosy cheek and kiss her there. Using the grip I have on her, I turn her head to the side, exposing her neck to me so that I can nibble and kiss my way from her lips to her chin, across her jaw, and down her throat. 

She moans and grasps the straps of my bag, and though I’m loving the way she’s squirming and pulling me closer as I suckle at her sensitive spots, I have to let her go after kissing her lips one more time. Jimin, now standing behind her, smiles the sweetest smile which causes me to want to give him the same treatment, but I refrain from doing so, for now. I reach out to cup his face instead, allowing him to rest into my palm, his eyes closing for a moment. With a gentle pinch to his cheek and just one more kiss for Tia, I say my goodbyes before leaving the room.

#ambw #bts fanfction #bts fanfic #bts smut #bts #black protagonist #haunted house #joonslfttiddie #bangtanwhq #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoesok #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #reverse harem #ot7 smut

[luna-rainbow]

" I’m convinced that Bucky going to therapy as a condition of his pardon was just a way for the government to monitor him, they don’t actually care about his mental health and well being"

i just read this on twitter and woah, i can't stop thinking about it now 😐😬

they just wanted to see where he was all the time

That’s actually been my headcanon for a long time. And whenever I’m writing anything with pardon-related therapy I almost always incorporate the idea that it’s a monitoring program and not actually a mental health program.

Part of it is that government entities haven’t ever treated Bucky right ever (except Wakanda since T’Challa is kinda head of government there). The other part is that Bucky’s therapy was so BS that, intentionally or not, it comes across more as a way of keeping an eye on him rather than doing anything for his mental health.

That being said, I do think it’s…worth exploring why Bucky doesn’t have any overt monitoring, ie he gets monitored via the psych program.

This is me going out on a limb here but - I can’t see Bucky advocating for himself that he doesn’t need monitoring. This is a guy who put himself under cryo willingly. That means someone else likely fought hard on his behalf to say he shouldn’t be monitored like on a parole program, and the compromise was this psych program which they couldn’t get Bucky out of because Bucky does have legitimate severe PTSD and may still have effects from his conditioning.

It might have been someone with too much optimism in the system, or who didn’t understand much about psych and thought “even bad therapy is better than no therapy” (which I don’t think I agree with).

#bucky barnes #meta #asks

[visiblenostalgia]

🥱The POST-Aries Eclipse…😑✨

月曜日。8日4月2024年

19° Aries: (Libra Degree) from [Sabian Symbologist],

“Only Your Soul Knows For Sure”

“…a symbol of periodic expansion of man’s freedom of spirit and soul through his widely winging interest far removed from his normal promise,” What comes from this understanding yourself before understanding others. Being YOURSELF in the CROWD. A standout.

However, they even state that detaching too much (dissociation) may lead to “scorn” from responsibilities. Healthy detachment is okay. Just be careful to dissociate yourself from everything. Feeling too much of nothing can STILL be feeling something.

(More of my experiences under the cut)

It’s like ever since this eclipse on Monday the 8th, the energy around me has been much more light and open to my energy. Like I can move on and get stuff done. I no longer feel hunkered down as I feel like I can let grudges, bygones, fucked interactions with people (mind the Aries Mercury retrograde) and forgetfulness go.

Not to mention that when I just look forward and keep on keeping on, do I “breathe in” revitalizing energy. I feel like I can take in something new as my friends and career shift to both of what’s needed of me and what are my desires.

Another thing to note was the Eclipse occurred right on my 11th house cusp. If I could call it my Secondhand Midhaven I would. My SM. Cause that’s made my work and creative life so much more passionate and enjoyable. All because of letting things, emotions, and people that did not suit me at all….go.

It feels like that first rainy day after a long brutal heatwave. I can finally feel at ease and hop onto my work.

Extra little notes of what my latest experiences were like:

I started roleplays that go episode by episode in a show and we’ve been doing our own spins on it (creative juices a’flowing babyyyyy)

Spiritual downloads of ideologies that currently don’t exist but may come these next few decades. Something aligned with (again,) Creativity, Chaos, Common Knowledge, Sensibility, Laughter, Understanding divine timing…. TRUE Healing too (not running away or asking too much from therapy. Cause if you’re not growing yourself day by day (of course with a little advice but not too much to over rely) there’s no way).

Just being around friends who understand me. Being around people who are just here for a good time. Fighting only takes so much out of the human spirit. Gotta remember that night will hit and the hay needs someone to rest against it.

Some music I found that matched what it feels like coming out of that eclipse.

This one mainly being the sole reason why I love my state (and how lucky we are to get totality even if it was cloudy as fuck. PEOPLE STILL GOT TOGETHER TO HANG OUT)

I salute to you Texas. May the lone star state shine forever in our proud favor.

I’ve also dabbled in more Nu Metal because of the crazy war vibes from Aries alone.

Another song from Cowboy Carter that just makes me feel so ready to jump out there and smile:

😵‍💫Pre-Solar: in between…🤬

金曜日。5日4月2024年

Now that I think more on some stuff:

This is a side track where it was IN-BETWEEN the two eclipses from Libra Lunar and Aries Solar.

I saw The First Omen and good god did it make me feel the uncomfortableness of it all within that eclipse cycle. It scared me five times not gonna lie. And I haven’t cringed harder than I have since then.

What surprised me was that the Astrology for WHEN EXACTLY I went also lined up with something.

Moon (Emotions/Feelings) conjunct with Mars (Intensity/Drive) and Saturn (Structure/Discipline + Nihilism/Realism). Saturn tends to put pressure on systems it seems unfit or not suitable for the others around. A “YOU BEST GIT YOUR ACT TOGETHER” energy. ESPECIALLY WITH MARS. Not to mention Pisces rules religious beliefs and ideologies that are overwhelmingly large and complex. Combining all four……also added onto the fact that said movie watched was The First Omen…

It made me understand something….

That movie was about Religious Dogmatism and you couldn’t tell me otherwise! (Do tell me otherwise LMAO)

🐟🔥🪐

Much love to the astrology community guys. Hope you guys have been eating well and doing your best to protect your energy cause the world wants to bring yours down every day no matter what form.

🫶

#astrology #astrology observations #astro notes #astro observations #horoscope #aries #solar eclipse #texas proud #we may be fucked up human beings but we heal #have fun #stay cozy #protect your energy #defend yourself #fight when you can #pluto in aquarius #hope your eating and sleeping well as you can too. self care is a need these days ✨ #Spotify

[imzadi-caskett-huddy]

Hell Hath No Fury (18/?)

Thanks to everyone for their comments on the last chapter! This chapter, and probably the next couple, will deal with the July 4th holiday and the fact that Castle invited everyone to his house for the weekend. I hope the weekend in the Hamptons has a little something for everyone!

As always, I don’t own Castle…

xxxxx

Kate had to admit she was a little nervous when she heard the first chime of the doorbell. It was a big weekend; she was helping Castle play host to their friends that weekend, which to her, felt like it was a statement about their relationship. Sure it was just their friends, so it’s not like it was going to be incredibly difficult, but the fact that she was helping him play host instead of being a guest in his home made her realize how serious their relationship was; he no longer thought of her as just a guest, but as part of his home, his family. It made her think of the future and other times she may be playing host with him at parties with more than just their friends in attendance. She was not the social butterfly he was; yes, she was comfortable with their friends, but would she be as comfortable at a party with a room of people he needed to impress or entertain? She couldn’t help but feel this was a bit of a trial run for their future social endeavors.

On top of that, her father was coming, and it would be the first time he was meeting Martha and Alexis. While she had absolutely no doubt in her mind that her father would hit it off splendidly with Alexis, she was slightly concerned about how he would get along with Martha. While their parents were both wonderful people in their own right, their personalities were more different than hers and Castle’s…and they had clashed massively in the beginning. She knew it was a very real possibility that his mother and her father would in fact not hit it off as she hoped and potentially even rub each other the wrong way at first, which would make not only the weekend awkward, but would also make the rest of her relationship with Castle and holidays spent with their families awkward.

She greeted her dad with a smile when she opened the door. “Hey, Dad!” she hugged him when he stepped inside. “I’m really glad you came.”

Jim didn’t have a chance to reply as Castle came down the stairs and extended his hand. “Jim, thank you for coming,” he grinned.

“Thank you for inviting me,” the older man returned their smiles. “Your house is beautiful, Rick.”

Kate exchanged a smile with her boyfriend. “You haven’t seen anything yet. Wait until you see the view from your bedroom,” she told her father. She turned to Rick then. “Lanie texted me that they should be here soon. I’m going to take my dad to his room, but if they show up while I’m upstairs, just tell them to come up, and I’ll meet them there,” she told him with a smile. His stamina was much better these days…between the physical therapy and all the sex they had

been having, he was almost back to normal. But she wasn’t going to make him go up the stairs when she would already be up there, especially since he’d just come down.

“Yes Ma’am,” he gave her a playful two-finger salute from his brow before leaning in to place a soft kiss to her lips. “I’ll be in the kitchen,” he added.

She nodded and grabbed her dad’s bag, despite his protests, and led him upstairs to his room. It was the same guest room she’d slept in during her first week at the house that felt like a lifetime ago, but in reality, was not even quite 2 months ago. When she opened the door, she let her father enter the room, watching his reaction as he took in the gorgeous view of the ocean from the windows.

“You’re right, Katie…the view is spectacular,” he agreed with her, turning back to her with a smile. “Being out here agrees with you…you look happier than I think I’ve ever seen you,” he added softly. “Although I’m sure the company you have been keeping out here is as helpful as the location,” he chuckled.

Kate did blush slightly, but she couldn’t even begin to hide her smile. “I am happy, Dad,” she admitted to him. She took a deep breath and released it slowly as she turned to look out at the ocean. “Mom would have loved it out here,” she said softly.

“She would have,” Jim nodded. “You know what else she would have loved?” When his daughter shook her head, he smiled. “Rick. She would have loved your writer. And she would have loved seeing how happy you are with him.”

“I wish she could have met him; she loved his books,” she smiled sadly. “Although, she and Castle together would have made you and I miserable…” she laughed at the thought of her mother feeding Castle's already inflated ego, hugging her father tightly and burying her face in him the way she used to when she was little. “I still miss her, Dad…so much…” she murmured.

Jim returned her hug just as tightly. “I do too, Katie…every day,” he told her. “But then I look at you, and I realize she’s still here…the best part of her is still here,” he pulled back slightly to give his daughter a smile. “She’ll always be with us, Katie.” She wiped a few stray tears as she heard the doorbell signaling her friends had arrived. “Go meet your friends. I’ll get settled and come find you in a few minutes so you can introduce me to Martha and Alexis. I can’t wait to meet Castle’s family.”

Kate nodded and wiped at her eyes again to get rid of any stray tears that might still be lingering. “I’ll be in the kitchen with Castle when you’re ready. It’s to the right of where you came in the door,” she instructed him, giving him another smile before exiting the room.

Espo was the first of her friends she spotted coming up the stairs. “Yo, Beckett!” he gave her a

grin, and while usually not a hugger…he was very similar to Beckett in that regard…he set his and Lanie’s bags down and pulled her into one after not seeing or hearing much from her for practically 2 months.

“Hey Espo,” she smiled, returning his hug.

“Beckett!” Ryan said happily, greeting her in the hallway at the top of the stairs next and setting down his and Jenny’s bags to hug her as well.

“Ryan,” she smiled as she hugged him. “Jenny, I’m glad you could come.”

“Well, Rick was kind enough to invite all of us out here to his house. I could hardly say no.”

“Time off agrees with you, Beckett. You looked happy…relaxed even,” Ryan commented.

“Time off isn’t the only thing agreeing with her,” Lanie commented with a smirk, earning an eye roll from Kate.

“You know you could have ridden with us. There was space in the car,” Jenny commented.

Kate smiled, remembering that other than Lanie, the others had no idea she’d been here on and off during her entire suspension. “It’s okay, I wanted a chance to ride my Harley.” That was technically true; she had ridden her bike out here.

“The man is recovering from a bullet to his chest, and you’re trying to give him a heart attack by showing up on your motorcycle?” Espo chuckled.

She laughed softly; Castle’s eyes had just about popped out of his head the first time he’d seen her on the bike. “Castle’s heart is just fine, trust me,” she assured him, which earned a chuckle from Lanie.

“So Castle said since you were already here that you’d be able to tell us which rooms were ours?” Espo asked.

Kate nodded, pointing at two side-by-side rooms close to where they were standing. “Those two. You guys can pick who gets which one, but they’re basically the same, and they both have their own bathroom,” she told them. “I’m going to help Castle finish up in the kitchen, but Alexis and Martha are outside, and my dad will be headed that way soon as well. The door to the back is through the kitchen, which is off to the right from where you came in. Come down whenever you’re ready,” she gave them a smile before disappearing downstairs.

Ryan and Espo exchanged a look as she headed downstairs. “That was…” Ryan started.

“Weird…” Espo finished, looking after her down the stairs. “She was…”

“Domestic…” Ryan crinkled his eyebrows in confusion, looking back down the stairs as well.

The two partners shared a confused look, and shook their heads, each one disappearing into one of the bedrooms Kate had shown them. Jenny smiled slightly and shot Lanie a look, who just gave her a close-lipped smile. It wasn’t her place to tell. The women followed their respective partners into the bedroom to get settled.

xxxxx

Lanie made sure she was the first one downstairs so she could talk to Kate alone. She found her in the kitchen, finishing up a large pitcher of lemonade and handing it off to Castle with a quick kiss. She wasn’t close enough to hear whatever was said, but whatever it was had Kate smiling and swatting his ass playfully as he headed out the back door. “You two are so cute,” Lanie gushed to announce her presence.

Kate rolled her eyes. “We’re not that cute.”

Her friend laughed. “You are. But if you don’t want the boys to figure out you’re together, you two are gonna have to dial it back some. Ryan called you domestic,” she warned her.

“I’m not domestic,” she insisted.

Lanie couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Alright, maybe not domestic but you are definitely comfortable here at Castle’s house…with Castle’s family…playing the doting hostess…” she pointed out. “Just how long have you been staying here?”

She shrugged. “Off and on throughout the week since May.”

Her friend raised her eyebrows. “Sounds like you two are pretty serious.”

Kate shrugged again. “Yes and no.”

“What does that mean?”

“We’re just…enjoying this. We’re not talking about marriage or even moving in together, but I know I’m completely committed to him. I don’t know how else to explain it…our history, everything we’ve been through together has us kind of fast-tracked through a lot of the things most couples deal with early in a relationship. We’re partners at work so it just sort of…comes naturally,” she tried to explain.

“Speaking of work…you two planning on telling the boys or not? I just want to know if I need to continue to watch what I say.”

“Castle and I decided we aren’t telling them. We also aren’t not telling them. We’re both curious how long it’s going to take them to figure it out,” she shrugged.

“Well this should be interesting. Though I’m pretty sure if they catch you guys kissing, they’re going to know.”

Kate shrugged again. “Then they know.” She finished wiping off the counter and gave her friend a smile.

“Katie…I know the house looked huge from the outside, but after walking through it, it’s definitely larger than I thought. No wonder Rick was able to invite all of us,” Jim stated as he entered the kitchen.

She gave a soft laugh. “Dad, you remember Lanie,” she smiled.

“Of course. How could I forget the woman who is able to keep you in line?” he chuckled.

Kate rolled her eyes. “Dad…”

“Nice to see you again Mr. Beckett,” Lanie laughed.

“Jim,” he corrected her with a smile.

“Lanie, you guys come on out whenever and help yourself to anything in the kitchen. Come on Dad. I want to introduce you to Martha and Alexis,” she gestured for him to follow her outside.

xxxxx

Outside there was a table set up on the deck with trays of snack foods like fruits, vegetables and chips, as well as some dips. Also on the table were some cups and the pitcher of lemonade. Next to the table was a large ice chest filled with ice, various sodas, bottles of water, and beer. Kate wasn’t planning to drink any alcohol in deference to her father, but she had made no such request of anyone else.

“Drinks and snacks are here, help yourself to whatever,” she told him as they walked by. She spotted Alexis and Martha on the patio loveseat near the firepit, having a conversation over something in a magazine. Thankfully they both looked up as she approached, and she gave them a smile. “Dad, this is Castle’s daughter, Alexis…and his mother, Martha,” she began introductions. “Alexis, Martha, this is my dad,” she smiled, feeling her nerves again. Please let this go well.

Jim grinned at both women. “I’ve heard so much about you both from Katie. It’s nice to finally meet you,” he extended his hand.

Alexis beamed at the older man as she took his hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Beckett. I’m glad you came.”

Martha also gave the man a genuine smile as she took his hand after her granddaughter. “It’s lovely to meet you.”

“Please, call me Jim.”

Martha nodded. “Jim,” she smiled again. “Katherine is an amazing woman. I couldn’t imagine anyone better for Richard.”

“That she is. I’ll never be able to thank him enough for what he did; she wouldn’t even be here if not for him. I owe you both my gratitude as well, because what he did affected both of you too. If there’s ever anything I can do for either of you, just say the word,” he smiled sincerely. “And I have to say, your son is pretty remarkable to put up with my Katie. I know from experience she can be more than a little difficult at times.”

Kate was blushing at this point. “I’ll just leave you three to get better acquainted…” she shook her head and moved towards the drinks. She grabbed a bottle of water and moved to the grill where Castle was starting on the burgers and hotdogs. “You want me to get you a drink?” she asked, her hand resting against his back as she settled at his side.

“I’m good now,” he smiled. “So our parents are getting along?” he looked over to where Jim, Martha, and Alexis were chatting.

She nodded. “Oh yeah. I left when they were talking about how great we are for each other,” she informed him.

“They’re right. We are pretty great for each other,” he grinned.

“We are,” she kissed his jaw softly. “But I didn’t need to stand there and listen to them talk about us like I wasn’t there,” she laughed.

“Jenny, Lanie, and the boys settle in ok?” he asked.

Kate laughed softly. “Yes. Ryan called me domestic. Just…not to my face. Lanie told me.”

Castle laughed at that, wrapping his arms around her after he used a wipe to clean up his hands.

“You are being a little domestic,” he told her honestly.

She rolled her eyes. “I am not!”

“You are!” he insisted. “You settled everyone into their rooms. You helped me in the kitchen. You’re helping me clean up later since Alfred is already gone for the weekend. Sounds domestic to me.”

She huffed with a small pout. “Ok, you’re allowed to call me domestic because I’m your girlfriend…and maybe I don’t mind being domestic with you,” she told him softly, her fingers toying with his shirt a little as she looked up at him. “But the boys are not allowed to call me domestic.”

“Deal.”

“Deal,” she grinned, stretching up to kiss him slowly. When she felt his hands slide into the back pockets of her jeans shorts, she groaned and pulled back slightly. “Castle…hands…”

“What?” he asked innocently. “Everyone knows we’re together. And the ones who don’t are going to find out anyway.”

“That doesn’t mean I want your hands on my ass in front of our parents. Or your daughter.”

He glanced over to their family members who were too busy talking and laughing to be paying attention to them. “They aren’t even looking at us.”

“No, but we are,” Ryan stated with a huge, smug grin on his face.

“Yeah, Beckett…when did you start letting Castle play grab ass with you?” Espo teased.

“Don't look at me! I told you to dial it back if you didn’t want them to figure it out,” Lanie laughed.

Castle removed his hands from her back pockets and gave the boys a grin. Kate just rolled her eyes and turned to completely face her friends, crossing her arms as she fixed the boys with a stare.

“You know, after you mentioned your dad was here, the thought occurred to me that the math on the guest rooms and those of us needing one didn’t add up. But I guess you aren’t in a guest room, now are you?” Ryan started, his grin growing.

“Just like it makes sense now why you didn’t need to ride out here with us…because you were already here. Judging by how comfortable you are, you’ve been here awhile,” Espo’s grin was

matching his partner’s.

“I don’t know why you thought we wouldn’t figure it out,” Ryan stated.

“Yeah, we’re detectives,” Espo added.

Kate had to bite back her laugh. “Yeah, well you two detectives didn’t figure out anything. Castle just can’t keep his hands to himself. We weren’t trying to hide anything,” she rolled her eyes.

“I do like to touch things,” Castle agreed.

“Dude…too much info…” Espo made a face.

“Seriously, though. It’s about time. We’re happy for you guys,” Ryan smiled.

Espo nodded with a smile. “Yeah.” He turned to Lanie. “You knew?”

“I’m her best friend, of course I knew,” she laughed.

“How long have you two been together?” Espo asked curiously.

Kate smirked smugly. “You’re detectives. Figure it out,” she teased, turning her attention back to Castle and the grill as the boys and Lanie walked back toward where Jenny had joined her father, Martha and Alexis near the firepit. She couldn’t help the giggle that escaped a few minutes later when she heard Espo’s “What? All summer?!” in a high-pitched tone across the lawn.

xxxxx

That evening after dinner, Alexis had insisted that Kate join her friends and her father, that she and Martha would help Castle clean up everything from dinner. They all sat around the firepit, the boys filling Kate in on some cases they’d worked in her absence and what the precinct was like under Captain Gates. Just the mention of the other woman’s name made Kate crinkle her nose. She may have been looking forward to being back to work in a couple of months, but she was not looking forward to working under her new captain.

Jim was the first to excuse himself once the sun had set, heading back inside. It wasn’t long after Jim disappeared that Castle joined them with a few bottles of wine and some glasses. “You guys don’t mind if I steal Beckett for a bit, do you?” he asked them.

“Not as long as you leave the wine,” Lanie answered simply, reaching for a bottle and a glass.

He chuckled and extended his hand to Kate. “Help yourselves.”

Kate took his hand and laced their fingers as she stood. “We’re just going for a walk. Save me some red,” she told her friends with a smile. Her body moved closer to his instinctively as they both slipped their shoes off in the grass and headed toward the beach.

“Did you see the way he looks at her? He’s smitten,” Jenny commented.

Espo looked after them a moment and rolled his eyes. “More like he just wanted to get her alone so he can play grabass some more.”

Lanie swatted him. “Javier Esposito!” she warned.

“He’s just mad he didn’t come up with the idea for a moonlit stroll on the beach,” Ryan chuckled, pouring both himself and Jenny a glass of wine.

“Dude, why would I want to take a moonlit stroll on the beach?” Espo asked, shaking his head. Seeing Lanie’s look, he took a drink of his beer. “I mean, of course I’d love a moonlit stroll on the beach with you, baby,” he tried to cover.

The sound of Castle and Beckett’s laughter echoed across the beach. The group of four saw her take off running, only for Castle to chase after her. Her playful shriek as he picked her up and spun her around after catching her followed by more laughter echoed back to them.

“He’s not the only one who’s smitten,” Lanie commented with a smile. "Our girl is head over heels for Writer Boy."

xxxxx

Back on the deck at the house, Jim stood with his cup of coffee watching the scene on the beach between his daughter and her writer. He couldn’t help but smile when he heard her laughter.

“You know, they walk on the beach almost every night she’s here,” Martha commented as she came to stand beside him at the railing. “Even with a house this size, with me and Alexis here, they don’t have as much time alone together as I’m sure they’d like. So every night after dinner, weather permitting, they walk along the beach. It’s their own private time together at the end of the day.”

“They did something similar at the cabin last week. At least after they made up from their argument,” Jim chuckled. “It's good that they take time for each other. He’s really good for her. I haven’t seen her this happy since before her mother died.”

She smiled and rested her forearms on the railing as she watched the two lovers walking hand

in hand along the beach, seemingly in serious conversation. “Katherine is good for him too. And I see how much she loves him.”

He watched as the two stopped walking in the distance and shared a slow, tender kiss. “I see the way he looks at her, like she’s the only woman in the world. He really loves her, too,” he smiled. “So, I guess the question is,” he started, turning toward Martha, “how long do you think it will be before they’re planning the wedding?”

Martha chuckled at that, patting Jim’s arm lightly. “Hopefully it doesn’t take them another 3 years to get that far,” she answered before heading back inside.

xxxxx

I hope you all liked that chapter! I look forward to any comments you all may have!

#castle #caskett #kate beckett #richard castle #castle fanfiction